#as someone who works in mental health

[chittychittyyangyang]

Listen, you should never film strangers in public without their consent, but I swear there need to be fines or something for people who do that shit in some spaces. For example: I had to go to the ER last night, and some jerk filmed a woman who just came in and was clearly having an asthma attack. She immediately got to go back, and he was unhappy about that. Believe me, I get that it sucks having to wait when you're in pain, but you don't get to pick who deserves care when. The medical system in the US is a nightmare, and the ER could be the worst moment of someone's life. No one deserves to be recorded because some jack ass believes someone doesn't look like they need care.

This is fine to reblog. People who film strangers should be shamed if nothing else.

#ccyy talks #sorry for posting this here but I'm pissed and this shit really needs to stop #For all I know he recorded me too cause I'm young and look healthy but got to go back next #Sorry about your cough buddy but the way things work I was a more immediate emergency #1k #5k #10k #30k #this post clearly has a life of its own now #and in case someone wants to know some clarifications for common points #people in a position of authority/actively hurting someone with the intent to protect/help the person is fine #so cops doctors nurses mental health workers and educators (to name a few) who actively are abusing their power and authority? free game #this post was filming random ass people for Content(tm) #random ass people more so those in distress aren't your content and you do not know the harm you can do to someone by posting that shit #50k

[kindnessoverperfection]

Please, if you can, take a moment to read and share this because I feel like I'm screaming underwater.

NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) stigma is rampant right now, and seems to be getting progressively worse. Everyone is using it as a buzzword in the worst ways possible, spreading misinformation and hatred against a real disorder.

I could go on a long time about how this happened, why it's factually incorrect (and what the disorder actually IS), why it's harmful, and the changes I'd like to see. But to keep this concise, I'll simply link to a few posts under the cut for further reading.

The point of this post is a plea. Please help stop the spread of stigma. Even in mental health communities, even around others with personality disorders, in neurodivergent "safe" spaces, other communities I thought people would be supportive in (e.g. trans support groups, progressive spaces in general), it keeps coming up. So I'm willing to bet that a lot of people on this site need to see this.

Because it's so hard to exist in this world.

My disorder already makes me feel as if I'm worthless and unlovable, like there's something inherently wrong and damaged about me. And it's so much harder to fight that and heal when my daily life consists of:

Laughing and spending time with my friends, doing my utmost best to connect and stay present and focused on them, trying to let my guards down and be real and believe I'm lovable- when suddenly they throw out the word "narcissist" to describe horrible people or someone they hate, or the conversation turns to how evil "people with narcissistic personality disorder" are. (Seriously, you don't know which of your friends might have NPD and feels like shit when you say those things & now knows that you'd hate them if you knew.)

Trying to look up "mental health positivity for people with npd", "mental health positivity cluster bs", only to find a) none of that, and b) more of the same old vile shit that makes me feel terrible about myself.

Having a hard time (which is constant at this point) and trying to look up resources for myself, only to again, find the same stigma. And no resources.

Not having any clue how to help myself, because even the mental health field is spitting so much vitriol at people with DISORDERS (who they're supposed to be helping!) that there's no solid research or therapy programs for people like me.

Losing close friends when they find out, despite us having had a good relationship before, and them KNOWING me and knowing that I'm not like the trending image of pwNPD. Because now they only see me through the lens of stigma and misinformation.

Hearing the same stigma come up literally wherever I go. Clubs. Meetings. Any online space. At the bus stop. At the mall. At a restaurant. At work. Buzzword of the year that everyone loooves loudly throwing around with their friends or over the phone. Feels awesome for me, makes my day so much better/s

I could go on for a long time, but I'm scared no one will read/rb this if it gets too much longer.

So please. Stop using the word "narcissist" as a synonym for "abusive".

Stop bringing up people you hate who you believe to have NPD because of a stigmatizing article full of misinformation whenever someone with actual NPD opens their mouth. (Imagine if people did that with any other disorder! "Hey, I'm autistic." "Oh... my old roommate screamed at me whenever I made noise around him, and didn't understand my needs, which seems like sensory overload and difficulty with social cues. He was definitely autistic. But as long as you're self-aware and always restraining your innate desire to be an abusive asshole, you're okay I guess, maybe." ...See how offensive and ignorant that is?)

Stop preventing healthcare for people with a disorder just because it's trendy to use us as a scapegoat.

If you got this far, thank you for reading, and please share this if you can. Further reading is under the cut.

NPD Criteria, re-written by someone who actually has NPD

Stigma in the DSM

Common perception of the DSM criteria vs how someone may actually experience them (Keep in mind that this is the way I personally experience these symptoms, and that presentation can vary a lot between individuals)

"Idk, the stigma is right though, because I've known a lot of people with NPD who are jerks, so I'm going to continue to support the blockage of treatment for this condition."

(All of these were written by me, because I didn't want to link to other folks' posts without permission, but if you want to add your own links in reblogs or replies please feel free <3)

#actuallynpd #signal boost #actuallyautistic #mental health awareness #narcissistic personality disorder #people also need to realize that mental health professionals aren't immune from bias #(it really shouldn't come as a shock that the mental health field has a longstanding pattern of misunderstanding and mistreating ppl who ar #mentally ill or otherwise ND) #the first therapist i brought up NPD to like. literally pulled out the DSM bc she could barely remember the criteria. then said that there' #no way I have it because I have low self-esteem lmaoooooo #anyway throwback to being at work and chatting with a co-worker. and the conversation turning to mental health. and him saying that #he tries to stay informed and be aware and supportive of mental health conditions & that he doesn't want to be ignorant or spread harmful #misinformation. and then i mentioned that i do a lot of research into mental health stuff and i listed a bunch of things. which included #several personality disorders. one of which was NPD. #and after listening to my whole ass list he zeroed in on the NPD and immediately started talking about how narcissists are abusive and #he knew someone who had NPD and how the person who had it had an addiction and died from the addiction in a horrible way and he #was glad he did #fun times #or when i decided to be vulnerable and talk abt my self-criticism/self-hatred bc i knew my friends also struggled w that and i wanted to #support them by sharing my own coping methods. and they both(separately!) started picking and prodding at my npd through the lens of stigma #bc i'd recently opened up to them abt having it. they recognized self-hatred as a symptom and still jumped on me for it. despite me #trying to share hurt vulnerable parts of myself to help them and connect with them. #again..... fun times

[thepeacefulgarden]

#relationships #you can't fix or change other people #acceptance #detaching with love #boundaries #codependency #healing #recovery #addiction #unhealthy relationships #martyr is not in your job description #family #friendship #low contact #no contact #people pleasing #fawning #mental health #burnout #compassion fatigue #you can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped #you can't do the work for them #breakup #divorce #letting go #detachment #stop enabling #you matter

[system-of-a-feather]

BTW if you think calming corners, sensory rooms, and other forms of dedicated spaces to handling overload, anxiety, or intense emotions in your house is something only for kids - or even worse - only neurodivergent kids, you are largely denying yourself a very helpful resource based on social norms.

Having a space dedicated to being safe and with easy access to things to help lower overstimulation and calm intense internal experiences is something that everyone can benefit from having

Not just kids

Not just neurodivergent kids

Not just neurodivergent adults

Not just mentally ill adults

Everyone - even the hypothetical person with no mental illness or physical disability

There is nothing "immature" about having spaces organized to make your difficult times easier to handle and I think everyone should consider dedicating maybe even just a shelf or corner in their place to having an abundance of self care resources

Self care is not a limited resource and not something that you have to be "bad enough to have"

If you think its a good thing for parents to provide their kids with rooms / spaces dedicated to different ways they can self regulate, then you should agree that if you are also dealing with any levels of difficulty self regulating, that it should be a good idea and good thing to provide yourslef with rooms / spaces dedicated to ways to help you self regulate

Children and adults both have emotions and life experiences that are hard to regulate / handle and both need ways to relax and calm down

Self care, sensory rooms, and coping / calming corners are resources that can help both children and adults with those difficult moments

#alter: fei #alter: riku #as someone who just realized that I don't need an office (ie the socially normal safe space that I used to have) #and instead could just have what all my neurodivergent kids have #and even just young kids have had in their classrooms and theraputic spaces had #and that it worked much better and there was no reason - other than the implications of mental illness and thus social stigma of having one #as to why I didnt just have one #and i am zero percent regretting it this is so much better for my mental health #actuallyautistic #autism #adhd #actuallyneurodivergent #actually neurodivergent #actually did #actuallydid #dissociative identity disorder #ptsd #self care

[druidonity2]

I looked at my fanart of War Crimes with Anduin holding himself dying with Chromie, and I decided I wanted to draw more Anduin trauma with dragons...(wip)

#world of warcraft #anduin wrynn #onyxia #Do you think this man has ever had a therapist? #I think hes stubborn and goes to the one required visit he was mandated to go to and tells her hes fine and then stews in it till he dies #He likes to be a therapist he does not like when someone talks therapy at him #at least I headcanon #'none of this matters because ive got work to focus on' twenty years later he sees mawrats in the corners of his eyes still #The moment someone SHOULD be talking therapy at him he runs away and dissappears for three...four....five years? by the end of Dragonflight #bRo dont talk to NOBODY he is NOT letting them know he hallucinates mawrats #anyway i think he focused so hard on his dad being home that he pushed all his onyxia trauma down for it to fester later in his life #Its the snow which beings the snowball that idunno does something later in life who knows #I think too much about a fictional man's mental health and not enough about my own #mayhap a reason he is thy comfort character

[briarrolfe]

Apparently my post about content warnings yesterday included enough key words to trigger the AI Tumblr mental health bot

Mental health apps are dicey to begin with but they get much dicier when you start connecting people experiencing mental illness via chat function.

A few years ago at my day job we received a project proposal for a youth mental health app, which the applicant thought would cost less than $10,000 to develop. Their app would connect isolated young people in rural and regional areas who were interested in mental health topics so that they could support each other via text chat, based on their location. It even suggested having them be able to flag their interest in specific topics, like being a member of the LGBTIQA+ community.

A few older colleagues thought this sounded like a good idea, but I, being annoying in the way that I’m annoying, started asking questions like:

How do we moderate the app?

How do we make sure users don’t just get the app in order to bully vulnerable young people?

If it’s based on location, couldn’t one user use two phones to triangulate where another user lived?

Are we sure that connecting isolated people based on nothing but having depression in common is a good idea?

If it’s for isolated young people, how do we prevent them from using it as a dating service?

How do we prevent scamming?

How do we prevent users from outing young LGBTIQA+ people who live in rural areas and are experiencing mental illness?

How do we prevent the app from becoming a dating service for people over 18 interested in accessing vulnerable teenagers?

How do you collect age data from a population who might not have driver’s licenses?

Hey, what sort of data security does less than $10,000 buy, anyway?

It was good to ask those questions because the people proposing the project had of course not thought to ask them at all, which proved that it wasn’t an achievable project with any meaningful outcomes. (When a budget is “$10,000: app development,” you already know people don’t know what they’re talking about.) However, the final nail in the coffin may have been when I started referring to the project as, “oh yeah, the suicide pact app?”

Anyway. I’m sure nothing could possibly go wrong with Kokobot because OF COURSE the missing piece of that proposed project was an AI chatbot,

#writing essays on tumblr dot com #I am not doing that role at work anymore for many reasons but #we also did have a documentary proposal that said it’s measures of success would be the end of transphobia worldwide #and someone who claimed that their colouring book would end rural homophobia #and cumulatively it did kind of give me a mental breakdown. Wow… maybe I DID need that app #mental health #suicide mention

[sincerely-sofie]

*skitters up to you on all fours with a bunch of drawings in my mouth* *drops them at your feet* *skitters away*

enjoy some schizophrenia / psychosis / mental health-based humor.

#had an exchange with someone very important to me that helped me work up the moxie necessary to get over my anxiety and post some of these #(you know who you are and i know you're reading this. ilusm and thank you for being in my life) #I'll schedule this post for later in the day. 100% I'm going to forget about doing that and be confused when I start getting notes for it #anyhoo #I wonder if I can rescue the mental health + journal comics I posted to Instagram and repost them here... #I mention my mental health journey fairly often on here but I feel I should clarify: #IF YOU HAVE QUESTIONS ABOUT SCHIZOPHRENIA / PSYCHOSIS / WHATEVER--- GO FOR IT! ASK ME THEM! #I won't be offended by genuine questions even if they're phrased a bit awkwardly or use language that might be less than perfect! #If you want to learn about stuff I will gladly describe my experience to the best of my ability! I don't mind whatsoever :> #not sure if that needed to be said or not but I figured I should say it just in case since I'm making a big ol' post that cracks jokes #I'm significantly removed from actively hallucinating and have made leaps and bounds in my emotional health so I'm in a great place now #mental health #mental health comic #mental illness #mental health humor #psychosis #schizophrenia #psychosis memes #schizophrenia art #humor #diary comic #diary comics #journal comic #journal comics #stuff by sofie

[frostbite-the-bat]

talked w/ a friend about this and wanted to post something similar yesterday after a convo i saw also

about people criticizing ttcc / ttcc fans for just... being cog fans? being cog centric? usually coming from people who only like the toons.

and everyone likes what they like! it's okay! but saying that people who like the cogs are horrible and support the bad things they do, is just blatantly wrong. i thought we knew that enjoying villainous and morally Bad / grey characters is... okay? it doesn't mean you support what they do. it's interesting to explore these topics.

i've seen many people just... paint anyone who likes the cogs as horrible because they're "apologists of x and y" and... i dunno. rubs me the wrong way! you do have a point and recognize the cogs do bad things, but liking them as characters means nothing about who you are as a person.

and this is not to say that people who are in toontown for the toons are bad. hell! they are right this IS toontown. i may be on the cog liker side but i like the toons! maybe ocs more than the npcs - mostly because i like my friends and the sheer creativity the toons can bring out!!

SO what i wanna say... i dunno. let's not point fingers...? let's have fun in a goofy cartoon game together??? also complaining about people liking VILLAIN ROBOTS on TUMBLR is kind of funny to me. do you realize where you are. but then again a lot of this i see on discord and in-game as well since i avoid things on tumblr... i am a sensitive little fella i avoid misty fight bc of One Really mean "Critic" guy i saw there and i have been shivering in my bootsies since. so you get me

but like yes ttcc is more cog centric but... that's okay? things could be written better and i still wanna speak on it, and i do thing the toons deserve attention and better writing... but the fact it focuses on the cogs isn't... bad? if you don't like how con centric it is you can go play ttr...? god forbid people have fun and explore the villain's side of things...? i'm not saying either toontown server is better or worse than the other... and everyone can like their own things!!

but like... people will just like the cogs and that's okay and it doesn't make you bad. let's all be friends okay? both sides may be going at each other's necks in-game and the cogs in fact do horrible things - but it's what makes them fun, and it gives the toons things to do in the game!! but we don't gotta !!!!!!!! i may be really sarcastic and sometimes mean in private but like that's me just privately sassing, deep down i think people should just... y'know..? enjoy things.

so yea that's the guzma / cathal thought of today. toon people cog people both people are all awesome as fuck and you keep doing what you're doing i love you toontown isn't toontown without you

#anyways omg god forbid ppl are cog kissers on the robot kissing website /silly #but like!! tt/r may not be for everyone and tt/cc may not be for everyone and THATS OK!! ur not gonna like everything!! #like i accepted tt/r isnt for me but its mostly bc they dont show cog health specifically and i struggle with these things but !! i #heard they are updating that so i might be able to play without getting bored / frustrated again ^^ i havent played properly in yeaaaars #i will still prefer clash bc fixation and?? i LIKE ROBOBTS....! #but tewtow is tewtow its all swag. the least toony thing u can do is bully someone for Liking Robobt. be niceys #like ya i admit im not perfect i also dont like people andhave so much one sided beef and i am sensitive to so many things and i complain #in private but at the end of the day its to make myself feel better and i KNOW to not engage and look away and work on feeling better #bc this stuff does Heehoo upset me bc Mental Health Probulem. but i know everyone should and can do their own thing and have fun #i may complain about (redacted ship) all the time and i dont get it at all but...? bro... just have fun... be free. im not here to stop you #im just not gonna interact as i should. good for both of us! joyous world! happy that ur happy!!!! #why complain abt ppl just Enjoying Cogs like that though................................................ do you not like fun #this is not at anyone specific #my friend did show me tags of a post anonymously #and i vague a person whos name i dont know ingame like A YEAR AGO #and a convo what happened in a server a while back. but its not anyone specific i just wanted to like. speak my thoughts #lets be frense... and if not thats okay lets not argue either then we all stay in our lanes

[elodieunderglass]

I really like the idea that one of the weird lurkers of your blog (like me) just hangs around looking for inspiration to write papers about. Like I realize that's not how it probably actually went down, but 2017 to 2022 seems like a pretty reasonable lead time from reading your post to conducting the research to writing and publishing the paper.

In reference to this:

It’s amusing that the original post only got 22 notes (likes), but when I looked at it again it had 19, which I’m choosing to interpret as the authors sheepishly withdrawing their likes in order to preserve their anonymity.

I think they probably just googled the phrase “friends to lovers pathway” before using it as the title of their paper and pulled up my post, or the other alternative being that the post popped onto their timeline when they were in the early stages of manuscript prep, and it was a moment of academic serendipity. I definitely don’t think I inspired the work in any way - just the quote and title. But it’s funny to imagine being studied.

I should say that I don’t necessarily expect permission to be asked if people intend to prosper or advance their careers from my words or art. However, I do appreciate the courtesy of being told that it’s happened. So far I’ve been quoted in a published book, quoted to name an academic paper, a person is actively selling plushies and other merchandise based on a post of mine while claiming that it’s their intellectual property actually, and screenshots of my work are regularly considered hilarious enough to steal but not pay me for. (the cricket post in particular was screencapped, went viral on Twitter some years ago without reference to me, was shared around BBC journalist twitter, and hundreds of people in the media industry said things like ‘lol we should pay this person to write’ …. in the apparent ignorance of the fact that if they had asked I would probably be open to…. Being paid to write……… and all the other times my posts have broken containment to go viral on other platforms for other people, with comments about how I should be commissioned to write a book; obviously that’s a normal part of online journalism and media, and I’m not naive about it, but it’s a bit much to for these people to be enriching their platforms with screencapped content, without the OP’s knowledge let alone consent, and joking about how they should pay for it or would read a whole book about it, when they’re the only people who could actually do something about it in the nightmare media landscape.) And nobody told me about any of these examples, I always find out by trying to retrieve links to my own stuff, or by friends telling me that someone else has gone so viral with my recognisable work that it got around to them.

Anyway if you do use my stuff in your own stuff, do let me know! I’m not here to prosper, but I am here to connect, and I’m quite willing to link your paper (and write a lay summary for free), buy your book or art, make your acquaintance, promote your work, or just add it to my portfolio - because if I ever DID want to prosper from my work here, which I wouldn’t usually consider except that it is evidently peer-reviewed good-enough-for-others-to-prosper-from, all of that would be valuable and helpful for me to know.

#elodieunderglass #at gmail #I’ve always said that if I wrote a book it would be a nonfiction book called something like THE SECRET LIFE OF MOSS with a linocut cover #stacked with all the other eco-unreadables on an unwanted desk in Waterstones #next to WALKS WITH MY HAWKS and THE HIDDEN LIFE OF MOSS and BEES FROM MY HEARTHSTONE #A YEAR OF HONEY AND WALKS #THE LOST WORDS OF NATURAL WISDOM #MOSS: AN AUTOBIOGRAPHY #but you never know! I’d write a book for you if you wanted one #I’m just more of a journeyman writing to assignments and prompts than someone who wants to make up plots #and I believe my CHOSEN TRAINED career SERVES SOCIETY #far better than a novel going THE BOOK OF BONKS AND BLOSES #but fuck if someone was like #the world needs a book about walking with moss that fixes their mental health somehow #I’d be like sure. not to worry. the world does need that. #I am a workhorse who does work. I will do that work. #not the twitter marketing promotion stuff but writing is work and I do it on command. #anyway this has spiralled a bit

[ch3rie-pop]

I think my lack of arguing is affecting my motivation to indulge in my interests. I watched two movies, The Boy and The Heron and Wonka and I thought they were pretty nice. There’s elements I recognized that I really enjoyed but because my mom said they were bad movies so I think I subconsciously lost interest in them compared to if I had actually gave her my opinion on why I thought they were nice. Having the option to advocate for my interest I think is something I’m lacking.

#cherie talks #mental health #One thing I wanna work on is articulating and documenting my thoughts #idk there’s just a lot of stuff I need to figure out #studio ghibli #Wonka #willy wonka #if I could actually enjoy something with someone in real time and voice my genuine feelings and opinion that would be nice #i have so much unecesswry commentary so if whoever I meet in the future can’t handle that I will just keep to myself #whomp whomp #i need me a boo who’s neurodivergent like me #sad #this kinda goes for everything in my life #it makes me sad :’I #oh well #at least I’m getting back into socializing! #Yippee!!!

[lycanthian]

one thing about me js that i be in love

#working on things. having a nice night compared to yesterday. #came to a realization that maybe complaining about my problems So Much #without being able to give any form to get help or help myself with them is detrimental to my mental health #i still want to talk about them but i want to start making an effort to talk With Someone about them #versus just talking and letting myself spiral #boyfriend helped me realize this although i dont know exactly how much he knows he did. #it was like a side epiphany that wasnt the focus of our conversation. regardless he helped me a lot even in such a simple way and #i dont want to lose that again. keep hanging on. dont go down the spiral if i can avoid it yknow #anyways. shrug. that is all to say i love him and im glad he found me at such a weird time in my life #also if u are the boyfriend who is reading this. hi. i love you. :] 💖 #gamey rambles #💜

[everlovingdeer]

I just want to say, as someone who works in the mental health sector, and tends to specialise in autism spectrum conditions, the portrayal of ASC (or ASD, if you prefer) in 'Extraordinary Attorney Woo" is so so valid, and so normalising of autistic traits that it just warms my heart. I guess it's just good to see the people I support not being shown as the butt of the joke, but being seen as people worthy of kindness and love and understanding.

Anyway, rant over

#extraordinary attorney woo #kdrama #sorry for the rant #autism #asc #asd #just the ramblings of someone whos worked in mental health for years now

[otherworldlyoddities]

Every time I see a really cute writing prompt that lists its primary characters as close friends and someone comments “But what if… they were LOVERS???” I don’t reply but I am mentally slapping their hand and going “NO! Stay away from my precious platonic prompt with your amatonornativity!”

#fiction #writing #amatonormativity #I wish there were more platonic relationships at the centers of plots in fiction #like #I don’t know if I’m arospec or not #but I feel like media today is so focused specifically on romantic love that every other type of love is pretty much background material #as someone who doesn’t yet feel the need for a romantic relationship but has had their mental health saved by friends multiple times #this is really annoying to me #the notion that every fictional platonic relationship is inherently more interesting if made romantic is absolutely ridiculous #I’m not dunking on the concept of imagining characters originally intended as friends as lovers #but when it happens EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. #even with relationships that would work better and be more stable platonically #I get really heated #🌙 moonlight’s musings

[rawliverandgoronspice]

yeah, I just feel really really numb.

#thoughts #trying to not overspill on here #but the current world events are truly sending me down the mental health gutter right now #it's not even like I didn't know what kind of nightmare world order we live in but #yeah can't focus on anything #I'm really physically isolated too and cannot leave my house for the whole week #so I genuinely cannot do anything beyond giving donations that are kept from reaching destination #and pretend everything is fine and dandy at work as if I had it in me to care about videogames at the moment #while my government reveals once again how much a fascist conglomerate of US-bootlickers white supremacist pieces of shit they really are #sorry it's normally not the tone here but I just... it's so disheartening #witnessing utterly inhumane violence branded as righteous and inevitable #and I know it's in moments like these that it's vital not to give up on people and to band together and believe in democracy etc etc #but god are we being tested right now #and I'm not even... affected like I'm not someone who might get directly hurt as a result of all this #but even this unearned privilege feels rancid and rotten and so fucking wrong #I don't understand how so many people can just... go on with their day as this is happening #as everybody's place in the system is being cemented and enforced by all manners of violence #I mean I do understand helplessness is a thing we truly cannot do much individually especially when your country banned protests #but yeah #might delete later

[arsenicflame]

ok really struggling to find balance i think i might log off again till thursday, you know the drill, queue keeps ticking you probably wont even notice im gone

#if you notice anything its probably just oh thank god theyve shut up lmao #nyxtalks #im sorry to keep vagueing about my mental health all the time #i cant let myself talk about it properly because i become a monster when i start #theres a reason i have no proper friends #theres a reason i have exactly one person who talks to me from before i started this account (and its someone i didn't talk to at the time) #i cant talk about it but at the same time i cant keep it entirely in #or i can but only under complete isolation #i cant explain that but i feel out of control. i need to let it out somewhere or it festers #i don't know why it matters i struggle to perceive people as real #do you really exist? #jesus. i should really go harass the nhs for mental health support #i want to be better #i dont want to put in the work. i dont think im worth it #if you read this #i am so sorry. why am i like this

[astriiformes]

Still a little messed up at how genuinely surprised I am that going in to student mental health services today was helpful. It's still a good thing, it's obviously still a good thing, but I should not be this surprised that someone employed by a university actually did their job. And was even... good at it.

I am so hard on myself all the time but uh. Maybe it says something that I also have this much trauma over various ways certain institutions failed me.

#the worst part is i even had an okay experience with university mental health services when i was going to school in montana #not ideal necessarily since i still ended up in the hospital and then dropped out #but i saw someone who i at least felt like was trying to help me even if it didn't super... work #so that tells me my experience at nyu was traumatizing enough that it still totally overrides that which is uh #not great