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chaoticbardlady99 · 7 months

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HI FIRST OF ALL LOVE YOUR WRITING second of all ! kind of specific but may I request an astarion x reader/tav where like. 90% of their time with the companions reader/tav hasn’t been able to see all that well- like. they can see colors and sort-of shapes but most details are completely incomprehensible, and through some method or another (probably someone’s attempt at “removing the tadpole” or smthn but up to you!) they’re finally able to see clearly and they’re just. completely amazed because EVERYTHING (astarion) is so beautiful actually??

Like Nothing I’ve Seen (Astarion x GN! reader)

CW- Mentions of gore and violence (due to Volo being a socially incompetent goofball) , self-esteem issues because I’m an insecure queen myself and like to deal with my feelings through my OCs

I tried to write a body neutral reader as well so everyone can imagine themselves in this story! I hope I was able to pull that off.

Title inspired by the song “Beautiful Things” by Grayscale

Hello! I am so sorry this took so long. Work has been kicking my whole ass lately!!!

This has not be thoroughly proof read so I may make changes as I find them, but I was too excited to post it! I hope you enjoy!

Being a monk is hypothetically supposed to help your pain tolerance- ya know, zen and shit.

Except, you quickly learn that a crossbow bolt to the eyeball is enough to break your zen.

Lae’zel and Shadowheart’s fighting quickly subsides as you stare at the two blobs out of your (now) one only good eye- good being a stretch. Admittedly, of all the people this could have happened to, it’s probably a good thing it was you since your eyes don’t really work anyway.

The purple, silver, and black blob (who you have come to know as ‘Shadowheart’) comes running towards you, her movements frantic as she begins to try to bandage your eye. You wince as she starts to remove the crossbow bolt.

“I am so sorry,” Shadowheart says, the distress evident in her voice, “if only that gith would stop being such a problem.”

Shadowheart practically screamed the last bit, but at least you are in too much pain for the shrill sound of her voice to bother you. You never wanted to find out if eyeballs could throb- you missed the hours before breakfast when you were blissfully ignorant to the true capabilities of your eyeballs.

The hostile green ball, Lae’zel, comes charging over with an insult sitting on the tip of her tongue before another blob knocks her aside.

“Walk it off Lae’zel,” you hear Karlach say with heavy amounts of exasperation.

Lae’zel grumbles as she storms off; Shadowheart continues to slowly work on you as you wince, whimper, and feel the tears start to fall.

“What did you do?!”

The rage in his voice rattles your bones- if tones could kill, Shadowheart would have keeled over. The radiant blob of your lover is in Shadowheart’s face (at least you hope it’s her face).

“Fangs, put them away!”

“Oh? Were you this anal when they were SHOOTING CROSSBOWS KARLACH?!”

You are beginning to feel dizzy and the yelling isn’t helping. Shadowheart, Karlach, and Astarion are arguing relentlessly- Karlach attempting to mediate. At some point Gale and Wyll join the mix- you think they are trying to hold back Astarion, but you aren’t sure.

In all the chaos, you are unaware of Volo coming up behind you- a solution brewing in his brains.

“Don’t worry my friend,” He explains with gusto, “I can fix this!”

Before anyone can protest, Volo rips the bolt out- your eyeball coming out with it before Volo plops a spherical object in your lap.

“Tada!”

The blood curdling scream that rips through your throat as you clutch at your eye socket surprises even you. In the midst of the white, hot pain- you hear Volo running off , also screaming, away from what you think is Astarion.

You feel Shadowheart grab the spherical object from your lap as Karlach holds you down on the ground.

“Sorry Soldier, but this is probably going to hurt.”

Oh and it hurts.

Shadowheart is wiggling the eye roughly into your eye socket, apologizing the entire time. You feel your socket form around the new eye. The pain from the removal and the new addition begins to subside into a dull ache as the new eyeball makes itself at home in your head- healing energy radiating from it and Shadowheart’s palm.

You feel like you are going to throw up, pass out, or go into a fit of hysteria by the time you start trying to blink your eyes open. You stare down at the grass below you and watch as a red bug with black spots walks along one of the blades before taking flight.

You freeze- the world is definitely not blobbish anymore. You run your fingers through the soft, green grass.

Has it always looked this way?

“How is the new eye?” Shadowheart says nervously.

You look over at her and try to stifle your shock.

Shadowheart is stunning and Karlach is just as awe inspiring as Shadowheart.

“Are you okay, Soldier?”

Sometimes you forget that your companions don’t know about your vision issues. You are able to hide your vision deficit well due to your years of training as a monk teaching you how to rely heavily on your other senses and the energy in the air.

You have come to adore all of your companions for their personalities, their laughs- Astarion especially. However, now you understand why perfect strangers come up to your companions with enamored voices.

“You catch him, Fangs?” Karlach says in a teasing town.

You hear Astarion scowl, “the bastard ran off and disappeared before I could even get near him.”

Astarion appears out from the corner of your eye and kneels in front of you. You try so hard to keep the surprise and adoration from showing on your face. His eyes bore into yours with an emotion that is not recognizable. A tick of frustration flares in your mind- now you have to learn an entirely new set of rules for social interaction.

Except, you’ll deal with that later. For now, you have a literal God kneeling in front of you, his hand cupping your cheek and surveying your new eye.

Gods he’s incredible.

“You’re beautiful,” you whisper involuntarily.

As the blush spreads along your cheeks, Astarion breaks out in a bright, beautiful smile.

“Well that settles it, your vision is working just fine!”

He gives you a quick kiss on your lips- your face feels like it’s on fire.

It has been a little over a week since the tiefling party. He had been distant with you initially after your midnight tryst and you had felt quite broken over it. Well- until you had been spending time with Gale at the campfire talking about the Monastery you grew up in and his experiences with the weave. Astarion had barged into the conversation, sat down next to you, and had practically pulled you into his lap next to the campfire. After that night, you’ve become inseparable- sleeping in each other’s tents, more midnight trysts, cuddling, spending the whole night talking or playing games. You spend alone time with your other companions- he would never control you or dictate who you spend time with. He would spy on you and Gale, but he would never prevent you from talking to him.

“No my dear, I trust you. I just don’t trust the boot muncher.”

“You really need to stop saying that,” your serious demeanor cracking, “he doesn’t actually eat the boots.”

He snickered, “oh ya? Then why have we never seen them after he absorbs them? And yet everyone judges my feeding habits!”

Astarion helps you up off the ground and you are dizzy from all the new stimuli around you. His hands find purchase on your hips as he helps steady you. You take advantage of the support and look around your camp.

It all looked exactly how you did and did not imagine. Your brain feels like it’s having a war between what your senses tell you about the land versus what your eyes are saying. You can label everything in the camp because you know where it is based on location, but none of it looks like the way you had anticipated- in fact, it was all far more breathtaking than you imagined.

“What are you thinking about Darling,” he whispers against your ear.

A pleasant shiver runs down your spine, a smile consuming your face.

“I was thinking it might be fun to go explore around camp and make sure my eye is really working.”

He stares at you with an unreadable expression, “I’m sure the environment and your sight hasn’t changed that much?”

Ah, that look means confusion.

“Don’t be such a pessimist,” you put your hand on your hip and flash a grin, “besides, it’s not like I asked you to go with me.”

*******************************************

Astarion walks leisurely behind you as you make a point of touching anything you can reach. He thought you were the most normal one at camp (mentally at the very least), but he is beginning to think he misjudged you.

You are twirling around the forest like you’ve never been in one before. You ask him questions about specific objects and express a great deal of interest in everything you come across- you even find the rocks interesting. While he did find the strangeness to be odd, he still couldn’t help but relish in the genuine, innocent joy on your face. Astarion feels an unfamiliar warmth spread throughout his body while he watches you as you bound around the forest floor.

Astarion is slowly recognizing that his plan is unraveling, but only a little bit. He had thought you would be the lovesick puppy chasing him around camp, but, as Karlach has pointed out to him, it’s the opposite.

He finds himself always making an inventory of where you are in relation to him, who you are talking to, and your feelings- even the ones he is currently disrespecting by attempting to gain your undying protection.

Now Astarion is here- watching you follow a bumble bee towards a large Oak tree.

As you stop and make a point of sitting down under a tree, you touch the various flowers scattered in the grass and excitedly chat about the details of the flower. Astarion silently sits next to you with a smile and takes a look at your face- you look like a blind man seeing for the first time. The realization hits him like an eldritch blast.

“Darling?”

You hum.

“Have you not been able to see until today?”

Astarion watches as you tense up and your eyes meet his. Astarion struggles to discern the look in your eyes- it’s somewhere between fear and apprehension. He offers you a small smile before you break eye contact with a sigh.

“I, um, was sick as a baby. My mom left me outside of a monastery. I guess whatever I was sick with attacked my vision so I could only really see colors and the basic outlines of the things,” Astarion looks at you as if to encourage you to go on so you continue, “it’s never affected me though. The monks taught me how to use my other senses and taught me how to sense energy in the air.”

Astarion is still trying to wrap his head around the fact that a. He was right and b. You slept with him without knowing what he looks like? C. You are easily the second strongest in your little gang of weirdos and the entire time you could barely see.

“So when you told me I was beautiful last week?”

You blush and hide your soft grin. He hears your heart begin to race.

“I really did mean it then,” you pause,” but it’s a different kind of beautiful. I think you are a very good person- I just adore you. Your smile, your laugh, your personality- even the snarky bits. Or when you are at your absolute worst.”

You pause and give him a joking smile, “You are a real pain in the ass though. I didn’t know why everyone is so enamored with you, but now I can see why all those tiefling women kept flirting with you at the party now though.”

He tries to hide the frown that threatens to reveal itself and he sees the panic flash in your eyes.

“Not that I’m saying you are nothing but your looks because that is not true,” you bite your lip, “I just know I came to like you for who you are on the inside and that was…. Quite the experience.”

“Are you suggesting I’m an acquired taste?!”

“Hmmm,” you tap your chin, “ I suppose that is exactly what I’m saying.”

“I am truly heartbroken darling, I thought we had something special.”

He huffs playfully and pretends to be upset- ignoring the butterflies in his stomach. Astarion’s heart clenches as you look at him with the same warmth he is feeling. You break eye contact from him and he can’t help but feel disappointed.

“We do, you’re just lucky I’m a monk and I’ve been forced to practice patience my whole life.”

Astarion is lost for words as he turns over what you just said in his head. You scratch the back of your neck and start talking again.

“And not to mention, you deserve someone who is going to take the time to know you for you- not just adore you for what you look like. You are really one of the most incredible people I’ve ever met Star.”

We do. Incredible. Star.

His body feels like it might explode from the chaos of emotions spirals through his body. He thinks maybe the effects of the tadpole are wearing off because he feels like he is burning alive. He fights the urge to take you right there in the flowers.

A couple minutes later, you look up at him again- that same fear in your eyes, but also some hope. After you realize he isn’t going to say anything, you speak again.

“I am not entirely sure why you have gravitated towards me, but I really like you. I understand if you don’t feel the same way and we can just go back to being friends,” you pause, “and you won’t lose my protection. I still intend on helping you be free of Cazador once and for all.”

You look away from him, hands fiddling with the flowers. Astarion is still digesting everything you just said to him.

It wasn’t that he didn’t reciprocate your feelings (even if he refuses to admit he does), he just doesn’t… deserve someone like you.

He had always been under the assumption that monks were stuffy and by-the-book. You had taken him by complete surprise. You are slyly funny, have no problems with bending the rules if it means helping someone (he doesn’t care for the intent of bending the rules, but he likes bending the rules), and you are accepting. You aren’t neutral with your feelings unless you are trying to mediate an argument or make the best decision for the group.

He appreciates how blunt you are in private- he never has to try to guess what’s on your mind. You make him feel safe like no one else has for the last 200 years.

How could I not gravitate towards you?

It also occurs to him that you have never seen yourself- how your eyes twinkle when you smile or the dimples that grace your cheeks. You hadn’t even seen your body- the same body he was starstruck by and, despite the dissociation and icky feelings, he was able to enjoy the sex between you to some extent.

He gets up from his spot on the ground next to you- your shoulders slightly slumping in defeat.

“Oh stop being so dramatic darling,” he teasingly smiles at you, “get up- I have something to show you.”

***************************************

You blindly follow Astarion to his tent- you had asked him what he wanted to show you the entire walk back, but he refused to disclose that information.

Once you were in camp, Astarion had wrapped some cloth around your eyes before dragging you in the direction of his tent.

“Now you stay right here- don’t move a muscle.”

“Oh you mean like-“

He interrupts you by swatting your hand away from his curls. You pout playfully and he pulls you to his chest before kissing you deeply. You are shocked by his actions and his gasp of surprise tells you he is just as shocked too. You feel him pull back as you start to melt against him, your hands tangled in his hair. An impatient whine escapes your lips. He chuckles.

“No, no, no,” he says, “not yet. Now stay still or there’s no more kisses for you.”

“No more kisses!?”

“You heard me!”

You stay still- the threat is more than enough to convince you to stop. You can hear and sense Astarion rustling around the tent, placing various objects of different vibrations all around his tent. It feels like it takes eons as he readjusts and moves the objects around. Finally, Astarion hums with approval.

“Alright darling, you can take the blind fold off now.”

You take off your blindfold eagerly and your eyes adjust to the warm light in the tent. As you look around, you see that Astarion had set up every mirror he owns all around the tent.

Mirrors.

You stare back at who you can only presume to be yourself. You take in all your features- dissecting yourself. The longer you stare at yourself, the unhappier you become.

You know that Astarion’s intent is good (or you hope it is), but you can’t help the frown that takes place on your face. You are so plain in comparison to Astarion and everyone in camp. Why would he want to be with you when he could have someone as stunning as Shadowheart? Someone equally as interesting to look at?

“What’s wrong,” Astarion says with alarm in his voice.

You suddenly become aware of the hot tears running down your cheeks as Astarion cups your face with his hands. You shake your head, crying harder as he wipes your tears away.

“Darling, please.”

The desperation in his voice causes you to finally meet his eyes, the words tumbling out of your mouth before you can stop them.

“ I’m so plain looking,” you state with venom in your voice, “the rest of you are all beautiful in unique ways and I just look like everyone else.”

He scowls, shaking his head at you.

“That is not even slightly true.”

He twirls you around in his arms and has you facing the mirrors again. You have to remind myself that he is behind you still as you feel his fingers trace the details of your face (it would really ruin the moment if you elbowed him in the ribs).

“No one shines like you do. No one smiles like you or laughs like you- crinkles their eyes when they are happy like you. You are funny and intelligent; and by the Gods you are powerful. The fact that you have been fighting blind this whole time is absolutely incredible. You, darling, are a force of nature,” he puts his face in the crook of your neck, kissing the delicate skin, “I may say a lot of honeyed words, but I wouldn’t say them if they weren’t true.

“And, in all my 200 years of living, I must say, you are like no beauty I have ever seen before.”

You can’t help but smile brightly and you try to look at yourself the way he sees you. Maybe you can see the person he is referring to, but you just need more time to get used to actually seeing yourself. Maybe with time, you will be able to see how brightly you shine too- you’ll just have to work at it.

You smile at yourself softly and say a quiet you’re wonderful to yourself before looking away from the mirrors.

You turn around and give Astarion a soft, long kiss- he sighs into it, meeting your tempo until you pull away; Breathless like a fish out of water. He puts his forehead against yours, looking into your eyes.

“Thank you, Astarion- I think you shine too.”

#baldurs gate 3 #astarion x reader #astarion #astarion x you #astarion romance #bg3 spoilers #bg3 #astarion x tav #baldurs gate astarion #volo

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evilbihan · 5 months

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It's interesting how the game never calls Bi-Han a "traitor". Sure, some of the characters do, but the game itself never refers to him that way.

One of his gear pieces is called "Wayward Son" and that is what he is, someone who strayed from the right path and lost himself in his own ambition. He made one wrong choice, one he regrets, if you listen closely to his intros with some characters, like Shang Tsung or Kitana, and it's ridiculous how certain people try and write him off as an evil turncoat who is lost beyond redemption. Liu Kang will try and (at least partially) succeed at bringing him back to the light. I don't get why people are trying to deny Bi-Han any character development and pin him to that one mistake he made or force the traitor role onto him when that's never who he was to begin with.

Bi-Han is the one getting betrayed, constantly, throughout his life. His father kept secrets from him, his brothers turn their backs on him when all he wanted was for them to be part of the future he envisioned for their clan. Even Frost wants to eclipse him and will undoubtedly betray him at some point. His own allies want to kill him after he helped them escape from captivity. Bi-Han has no one he can trust. He's entirely on his own. That may be his own fault to some extent, but I genuinely can't understand how people can be so blind to his suffering or worse, want to see him suffer even more? He's already bearing the consequences of his actions and it's painful to witness.

To get back to the point I made in the beginning, has anyone else noticed how the invasions mode nodes and encounters also never call Bi-Han a traitor or anything of the likes? I've seen Tanya's nodes and even some of her seasonal skins referencing her betrayal in previous timelines, even if nothing hints at her being a traitor this time around. In Bi-Han's encounters, the game only calls him "Ice Fighter", "Chill Initiate", "Snowfall Brother" or "Matchless Cryomancer", always refering to two things, Bi-Han's skills and his affiliation with the cold. That is who he is and always was. A cold, ruthless fighter. That hasn't changed in the current timeline and it makes no sense how some fans claim he was ruined because he made one bad decision.

When equipping Johnny as the announcer voice, the most negative thing he has to say about Bi-Han is that he's bossy, as opposed to how he speaks of actual villains like Shang Tsung ("Hate this guy" etc.). There are no references to his supposed "betrayal" which is why I believe it's only going to be a small part at the very beginning of his character arc that won't hold much relevance for the future, especially as the story develops more, except to serve as a reason for Kuai Liang and him to be enemies.

The way the game speaks of Bi-Han always sounds bittersweet to me and so do the names of his skins/gear pieces. It's almost like a parent talking to or about a stubborn kid that won't take their advice. One of my favorite examples is the kombat league skin that was added this season named "It's cold outside, Bi-Han". It reminded me of Liu Kang telling Bi-Han to "come in from the cold" and I think it's heart wrenchingly beautiful how even outside of the story mode and intros the tragedy that is Bi-Han's story is being acknowledged by the game through all those small subtle references.

One could argue that I'm reading too much into these details but I think some of you don't do that enough. There's 20+ characters on the main roster, the story would have to be dozens of hours long to give all of them in depth background stories and fully flesh them out so we can empathize with their motives. It's hard to understand Bi-Han's character unless you start looking at these small bits and pieces of lore and unfortunately, not enough people do that.

#bi han #bi han sub zero #mk bi han #bi-han #mk sub zero #mortal kombat 1 #mk1 2023

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septembersums · 2 years

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𝐊𝐢𝐧𝐤𝐭𝐨𝐛𝐞𝐫 𝐃𝐚𝐲 19 | 𝐃𝐞𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐝𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧

pairing: gojo satoru x you

summary: your work crush on gojo satoru finally comes to fruition in the form of rough, angry sex in his penthouse apartment. you never thought you’d be so excited to be broken up with.

There’s something that you’ve always wanted to try. Being with your ex for so many years meant that you never really got the chance to explore yourself, at least not sexually.

He’s a nice guy. He’s rather quiet, rather reserved, and especially so in bed. Your sex life mainly consisted of the basic positions, where he’d climb on top of you and fuck you, and you’d accept it and... honestly remain unsatisfied at times. When he broke up with you, it was bittersweet.

Bitter, because spent the vast majority of your young adult life with him, and change is difficult.

Sweet, because you now have the opportunity to act on a teeny tiny work crush that you’ve developed.

Teeny, tiny, insignificant. You would’ve never acted on it if your ex hadn’t broken up with you.

But he did, and now you’re working up the courage to go into Gojo Satoru’s office and ask him for something.

He wouldn’t say no to you. Gojo always flirts with you, even when you weren’t single. He never cared for your boyfriend, always called him lame, unexciting, boring. When you were alone with Gojo, he’d often times refer to him as a side character, or an NPC.

“Stop that,” you’d say, after a day of Gojo’s teasing your poor boyfriend.

“You’re too hot for him, and you know it,” Gojo would argue, “he looks like the type of guy that would faint if you asked him to tie you up.”

“Gojo!”

“Oh my god, I’m right, aren’t I? Look at me and tell me that hasn’t happened before,” you couldn’t properly look at him, “holy shit. Oh my god. Break up with him, or I swear to christ I’ll do it for you.”

He was half right, half wrong. Your ex-boyfriend didn’t quite faint when you’d ask for something new in bed, but he would give you this bewildered, distant expression and ask what’s gotten into you?

“I’m not gonna break up with him. Don’t be like that,” you’d say, shoving your work crush down your throat and swallowing it.

And then Gojo would laugh a lot, because you could never deny his claims, nor validate them. You’d just sit there blushing, looking away from him, trying not to giggle at his mean-spirited jokes.

Sometimes you did, and he’d never let you live it down.

Regardless, you always knew that the crush was somewhat mutual between the two of you. At the very least, he’d fuck you, and you know that because he never hesitates to tell you.

The first time he subtly cued you in on it being mutual was when you were at the bar with him, Suguru, Shoko, and Nanami after work one night a couple of months ago.

“If you could-- if you could hook up with anyone from work,” Shoko slurred, after having enough drinks to down a grown man, “who?”

Gojo laughed, he wasn’t drunk at all, “I could hook up with anyone from work except you, ‘cause you’d be crying over Utahime the whole time--”

“Shut up,” she hissed, “that’s not the game, ‘n you know it.”

“Fine,” he relented, sitting back in the booth.

He gave you a sly look, blue eyes darting between your eyes and your lips for a fraction of a second, before sighing and saying, “Suguru, obviously. I mean, we’ve already--”

And then you heard a rather detailed story about how he and Suguru occasionally share women, and occasionally leave out the women and just share one another. He’d look right at you during the filthiest parts, lips curved up into a knowing smirk at the sight of your wide-eyed stare.

Satoru only got bolder after that. Meanwhile, you still can’t muster up the courage to just walk into his office and ask for what you want. It’s not like he’ll say no.

He won’t. Of course not. He’s so casual about these things, he’s not quite a whore, but he’s whore-adjacent. Satoru likes sex, he’s too self-indulgent to say no to an opportunity of fucking one of his best friends. Right?

You tap your nails on the desk, deliberating your options as you stare at the door.

Right.

After adjusting your hair a little, you make your way into his office, where he’s sitting with his feet reclined up on the desk, fucking around on his phone. You don’t know how he even sees the screen with his blindfold on, but that’s a question for another time.

“Oh, shit,” he hisses, fixing himself back upright instantly, “I thought you were Yaga. Come in.”

“Hey,” you say, closing the door behind you, “I wanted to ask you something.”

“What’s up, baby?” He asks, smiling at you radiantly like he always does, even when he can tell that you’re stirring and brooding over something, like you are now.

“I-- I wanted to,” you trail off, stammering and refusing to look at him, “I was wondering if we could... if you could... fuck, I don’t know what I’m saying. You’re-- I’ve heard a lot of rumors about you, and...”

“Straight and to the point, I see,” he teases you, laughing at your nerves, “but I heard about you and Mr. Limpdick breaking up. Am I on the right track?”

“You know that’s not his name,” you argue shyly.

“Sure, I do. What I don’t know is why you’re still defending him when he couldn’t make you cum. I mean, I don’t really see the point, but whatever,” he refutes, shrugging, “but if you’re here asking me to fix that,” he leans forward, murmuring smoothly, “I wouldn’t say no.”

“You wouldn’t?”

“Of course not,” he replies, “I’ve wanted to fuck you since the day I met you.”

Oh.

Oh?

“Okay,” you reply softly, barely able to cover the nervousness surging through your system, nor the way you’re having to shift in your seat when he says such bold, audacious things so casually.

“Wanna come over after work?”

“Yeah,” you reply, biting your lip, “and... I’ve never had... uh, can you... be mean to me? When we do it?”

He chuckles at your shyness, “How mean?”

“Really mean,” you murmur soflty.

“I can be mean to you. I can make you cry if you want me to,” he replies with a cocky smirk, “but we’re gonna need a safeword if you want it rough.”

“Stop wouldn’t work?” You ask, perking up with fear masked by enthusiasm.

“No,” he replies seriously, “anything other than the safeword is encouragement to me, baby. I’ll go harder if you say stop.”

You bite your lip, breathing in deeply at the way the room suddenly feels ten times smaller, “Alright... I’m okay with that. What should it be?”

He laughs, and then he says your ex-boyfriend’s name.

You tried to argue about it, giving reasons like “what if it’s muscle memory for me to say his name?”

Satoru just laughed at you, and then he told you that he knows it’s not, and that if you say anyone else’s name in the first place, he might have to take a breather so that he doesn’t actually hurt you.

He warned you that he can be rough, he can be too rough if he’s not careful, considering his infinite strength and stamina.

You’re excited. You’re unbearably, unreasonably excited.

When you arrive to his apartment later in the evening, you’re bubbling with anxiety and nerves about what’s going to happen, what you’ve been wanting to happen for months now.

You’ve thought about it, and you’ve thought about it a lot, but now that the time’s here you want to run away. Satoru doesn’t let you. Instead, he opens the door and grins at you.

“You want a drink?”

“Okay.”

“You nervous?”

“Fuck yes.”

“Good.”

And then things are relatively normal for a few moments. Though you’ve never been to his apartment before, it looks the way that you’d expect it to look. Impersonal, unused, cleaned professionally by people other than himself.

You get the odd feeling that he’s trying to make you more nervous, rather than to calm you down, like he feeds off of your bubbly, shy energy. He sits close to you but doesn’t touch you, he drags on a conversation about you and how you’ve been fucked before until you almost can’t stand him.

“He really missed an opportunity with you,” Satoru murmurs, sitting so close to you now that he can play with your hair while he talks, “you’re so eager to please, but he’s too stupid to see you for what you are like I do.”

“Are you trying to fuck me or date me?” You ask, teasing him back.

“I’m just reminding you of how much I like you,” he replies softly, “I really do like you.”

“You say that like I won’t think so after.”

He hums softly, “You won’t.”

You shiver, as he leans in and presses his lips to yours, so gentle that it feels disingenuous. Using his technique, he levitates your glass out of your hand to sit it on the coffee table, dragging you closer to him.

Just from kissing, from the way he cradles your neck and licks your lower lip, it feels more passionate and erotic than anything you’ve experienced before. You find yourself needy, chasing after him more so than the opposite, until you’re about to crawl into his lap if he doesn’t offer you more.

He stops you, holding a firm hand against your hipbone, tracing circles on the bone with his thumb.

“Greedy whore,” he scolds you irritably, “you’ll get more when you earn more. Take your fucking clothes off.”

The sudden change in pace startles you, catches you off guard and leaves you fumbling for a response, staring at him confusedly.

“Did I stutter?” He asks, tapping his finger on his knee like he’s counting the seconds it takes you to listen.

You start to slip one of the straps of your dress off your shoulder, attempting to listen.

“Not like that,” he reprimands it, “stand up, and don’t be shy. I won’t like it.”

“Y-Yes, sir,” you stutter out, standing up in front of him gracelessly.

He chuckles, “That’s better, baby.”

Satoru sits on the couch with his arms stretched along the back of it, knees spread widely so that you get a full view of the hardness that sits along his thigh. He takes up so much space with his long limbs that it’s unnerving, as you slip the straps of your dress down your arms, reaching behind you to unzip it.

“Slowly,” he demands, hardly over a whisper.

You nod anxiously, as the fabric slips down your body like silk, revealing the matching lingerie set underneath. It’s all black, and you bought it just for him, eager to please-- just like he said.

“You look good,” he says hoarsely, as his cock twitches against the rigid confines of his slacks, “c’mere.”

You stand between his legs, as his hands trail up the backs of your thighs, and he hums affectionately at the feeling of your skin underneath his palms.

“Did you buy that for me?”

“Yes, sir.”

He kisses your stomach, traveling from your navel down to the hem of your panties, “Good girl.”

You whine at his praise, as he kisses your sex through the lace, grabbing your leg to hoist it over his shoulder, as you grab onto him for balance.

He licks at you teasingly through the fabric, wetting it with his saliva even more so than it already is. Until you’re clawing into his hair, whining to beg for more than what he’s giving you.

“Be fuckin’ patient,” he rasps, slapping your ass, “or I’ll rip these off and gag you with ‘em.”

“Fuck,” you murmur, rocking your hips against his lips, impatient, just as impatient as he thought you’d be.

Little did you know, his cock is throbbing in his slacks, and you’re making it just as hard for him to be patient with you.

“Satoru,” you whine.

And his patience snaps with the waistband of your thong, as the room fills with the sound of him ripping it off of your body. He’s standing, tearing your bra off with just as much impatience, hoisting you up onto his hips to carry you to his bedroom, kissing you with every step.

Your back hits the mattress with a thud, as Satoru loses all composure. He’s unbuttoning his shirt, licking his lips as he stares down at you.

“Touch yourself. Get yourself ready for me.”

And you listen, thrusting your fingers between your legs to play with your clit. It’s been so long since you’ve had an orgasm, even longer since you’ve been this aroused, if it’s ever happened before.

Satoru unbuttons his slacks, unzips them, and you’re ready to cum right as he’s freeing his cock from his briefs, running his thumb over the leaky, red tip. He’s so hard that it looks painful, straining against his abdomen as his eyes rove over your body like he’s starving for you.

“Don’t fuckin’ cum,” he says, watching the way your breaths stutter, as he strokes himself to the sight of it.

You stop, unable to hold yourself back if you keep moving for even a moment longer.

He scolds you for it, making you feel like all of his requests have no right answer, like there’s nothing you can do that won’t lead to punishment.

“Did I say stop touching yourself?”

“No, sir.”

“Then keep going,” he says, climbing onto the bed, prowling up to you like a jaguar on all fours, “fuck yourself on your fingers, but don’t cum. A worthless whore like you can do that, can’t you? You can hold back?”

You want to say no, that you can’t, that any amount of stimulation while he’s so close and so threatening will tip you over the edge, but you don’t. Instead, you continue to touch yourself at the same rate, at the same speed, knowing that you’re destined for failure.

“Please--” you whine, as he sucks one of your hardened nipples into his mouth, closing his teeth around the hardened tip, “Satoru, I can’t-- I’m gonna--”

He bites down harder, dragging your hand away from your cunt so rapidly that you can barely perceive it, before he’s thrusting all the way inside of you, bottoming out against your cervix as you fucking fall apart around him.

A string of spit connects his lips to your nipple, as he looks up at you, watching your face with rapt attention as he grinds his cock inside of you to fuck you through your first orgasm. Your brows are bunched up in pleasure, lips locked into a silent “o.”

“I was gonna ruin it, wasn’t gonna let you have it,” he rasps, “but the thought of feeling you cum around my cock was so-- ngh-- god, so fuckin’ good. You feel so good for me, so tight.”

You’re so full of him that it’s indescribable, as he leans down to kiss you, spreading your legs until the backs of your thighs are even with his hips, your knees to your shoulders.

He’s relentlessly brutal, lost in the sensation of your cunt sucking him up and taking every inch with ease. Satoru holds the headboard with one hand, holds your throat with the other.

“Needy fucking bitch,” he growls, spitting into your open mouth, “swallow it-- thank me for it.”

The vowels in your words come out in time with his thrusts, “Tha-ank y-o-ou Sat-tor-u-u.”

His grip around your throat tightens, sweat slicks his bangs to his forehead before he leans up to brush them back. The bed bangs against the wal with every thrust, and you’ve never been fucked like this before.

Never, never, never.

Never felt a cock so big that it feels like he’s rearranging your insides with every movement.

Never cum so many times that it starts to hurt.

Never been choked, slapped, bitten. He does all three in spades. When you can’t answer him because you’re lost in pleasure or he’s choking you, he slaps you-- he makes you thank him for slapping you.

He bites down on your neck, sucks bruises into your skin, tells you that he hopes your fuckin’ ugly boyfriend sees each and every one of them.

“You’re my girl, aren’t you? Yeah? That’s why you’re letting me fuck you like a slut like this?”

You warble out a yes, s-s-sir, cumming around his cock so hard that you can’t speak well.

“Fuckin’ bitch in heat,” he growls, leaning down close to you. He doesn’t kiss you, he licks your outstretched tongue, licks a strip from your jawline up to your earlobe, and then he bites it.

“Want me to cum in this pussy? Want me to fuck you ‘till you’re mine?”

You can’t speak, can’t think, so you just whine against him and claw into his back. You’re drawing blood, it’s going to make him cum.

“God, you can’t even speak,” he taunts you condescendingly, “pathetic little bitch. It’s a good thing I don’t care if you say no.”

As if you’d ever say no, not with the way you’re locking your ankles around his hips to force him deeper, not with the way you’re using your nails in his back to force him to go harder, not with the way you can’t tell if he hates you, and it’s making you love him in return.

“God, plea-se--” you cry, as best you can.

“That’s right call me God, baby-- fuck, I’m gonna cum-- fucking take it, bitch-- fuck--”

Warmth spills out within you, as the lights flicker on and off throughout the apartment, and all of the furniture in the room moves a few feet from the bed in a reckless, unintentional expulsion of his power. You can feel the purple lightning behind your eyes, taste it on your tongue, like he hit you, too-- and he probably did.

“Fuck, are you okay, baby?”

“Mhm,” you hum contentedly, as he peppers your face in soothing kisses.

“Was I too rough?” He asks, moving to your jawline and neck sweetly.

“Nuh-uh,” you hum, basking in the affection and hardly able to think at this point after he’s turned your brain into a slurry of feelings without thoughts, “could’ve been rougher.”

He chuckles softly, “Good, ‘cause I wanna go again.”

“Mm, Satoru.”

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rilli-luci · 8 months

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Belos wasn't a child when Caleb left

Okay great now that I have your attention, I will state that of course this is a big thing of speculation between most people in the TOH fandom because quite frankly we only got to see SOME of the portraits in Belos' mind during the episode of Hollow Mind. But since the portraits have been posted for some time now on Twitter, it's about time we look at the facts.

Starting with what we know is true, yes Caleb is Phillip's older brother. We all know this. It's just fact. However there is something that some people overlook and it's that Caleb is not that much older than Philip.

The reason we know this is because of this portrait here.

And this one here

The boys are not that far apart in age. So Caleb probably just took on the role of a parental figure because that is a very common thing to do between siblings with either no parents or abusive ones. The older siblings parentifies themselves to protect the younger sibling.

That being said they were young when they met Evelyn but Caleb didn't just leave immediately. The reason for that is cause when Caleb leaves, Philip looks like this.

Phillip now has a ponytail and a cowlick. He's at an age where he wants to emulate the person he looks up to most and that's Caleb. There are some who argue "Well Phillip could've been a teen" Well so was Caleb. They were both teens then.

In this picture, he still has the ponytail but he has extra stuff. The best bet is Phillip went back to their home to grab things he may have needed (note the lack of mask) but I don't think he stayed behind for years. That's too long to go without looking for his brother. He would want to find him immediately. So he grabbed his things then left. And the Boiling Isles is big. Walking on foot would take time. He's in an unfamiliar place with unfamiliar people and he doesn't trust anything there. So it takes him enough time to grow a short beard to find Caleb. Cause at the dame time, Caleb is going around with his new witch friend and learning about magic.

This same beard is just longer when Luz and Lilith met him. We don't know how long Caleb had been dead by that point but he was most certainly dead at that time. And Belos looks to be about maybe his early 30s by then. He doesn't too much older than when he killed Caleb. Because of this I believe Phillip Wittebane as at the very least a young adult when Caleb left. He doesn't need to be a child for that event to have deeply affect him. His only family left with who he was told was an enemy for a good chunk of his life. It's not just heart breaking but belief shattering for him.

I know with what Masha told the others during Thanks to Them it looks like there was a sizable age gap but keep in mind this is a story that has been told and retold and retold again and again for like 400 years. There will be exaggerations, there will be incorrect retellings that mix with the real ones. Its more dramatic if Belos was a child its more dramatic if a witch kidnapped the older brother and the younger went to save him but neither returned cause of the witch. They are telling a story that isn't theirs that they’ve been told before. Of course the details would change. And it's really our only evidence that Belos was left as a child if I recall correctly. But considering the fact the town has 2 statues of the brothers AS ADULTS.

There is no way Caleb left him while he was a child. Not really. The portraits and the statues suggest otherwise. There's no reason to make statues of the brothers without being the correct ages relative to each other when they're like with each other. This is the evidence I found and if anyone has anymore evidence to back it up, add onto the post I don't mind. But everything suggests that Belos was an adult when Caleb left and he followed shortly after to save him.

#phillip wittebane #toh #caleb wittebane #emperor belos #toh belos #toh philip #toh caleb #hollow mind #toh hollow mind #toh theory #not sure if i should tag as critical #toh analysis

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anim-ttrpgs · 1 month

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A new video about Eureka: Investigative Urban Fantasy!

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Curtesy of @talenlee!

This video isn’t so much a review of Eureka’s mechanics as it is an overview and analysis of some of Eureka’s goals, such as how Eureka differs from many other RPGs in that it isn’t just a story about detectives solving a mystery, it’s a story about detectives confronting the unique challenge of solving a mystery which has a set solution. The culprit doesn’t change in reaction to who the players thing it is, which goes against a lot of conventional GMing advice.

Which brings us to a related point he made, which is that the default state of a Eureka mystery is “failed,” and that is very much true. If the PCs simply do nothing and wait for the solution to fall into their lap, they will fail, every time. The party must take initiative and work to overcome this puzzle, and how the characters and players react to the challenge of overcoming this puzzle is something Eureka is there to study.

Also, he likes the Wealth mechanic.

To turn this post into something additive that creates an actual discussion, however, we’d like to address one of @talenlee's criticisms of Eureka. Namely, that character creation is the second chapter, while most of the core rules are the first chapter.

@talenlee argues that character creation rules should come as early as possible in a rulebook, which helps a reader get hooked in, because it puts all the rules that come after in the context of “this is what your character can do.” You can watch the video above, and some of his other videos, for a better and deeper explanation.

That may be true for some people, but we argue that putting the character creation rules after the core rules leads to a smoother gameplay and character creation experience, which is why we structured the book the way we did.

Even though character creation in Eureka has been praised quite a lot for being very easy, there are quite a lot of choices to be made, all of which are very impactful. There is almost zero randomization as well, meaning every choice in character creation is one that you must manually make yourself.

But an uninformed decision is not a decision at all. Anyone who has played an old CRPG from the 90s will know what I’m talking about. Those are famous for giving you detailed character creation right there in the first 2 minutes after you launch the game, before you know how to play or really what any of the numbers mean. It will say things like “Strength dictates how much damage you do with melee weapons, how much inventory you can carry, and how much heavy armor you can wear.” Okay, well, how much damage do I need to do with melee weapons to be able to kill the rats in the first area of the game? How thick does my armor need to be for me to survive in mandatory battles, and how much Strength do I need to wear that armor?

“Accuracy determines how likely you are to hit an enemy?” Okay, how much Accuracy do I need to hit my enemies? I can select Accuracy 1-10, but without knowing how much Dodge an average enemy has, or how a Hit is calculated, this knowledge is useless. You have to play the game first to learn any of that, and then start over to make a new character. That’s no fun.

While it is very difficult to accidentally make a totally unviable PC in Eureka, it is very possible to end up making a character whose stats and traits do not represent exactly who you want them to be if you don’t know what the numbers mean, and who your character is is very important in Eureka.

And that’s why we tell you all the core rules before we tell you to start making a character. That isn’t to say that the other way around is wrong, just that that’s how we prefer it.

Comment below if you have any more insight on this! Discussion is great!

And don't forget, we are in the last week of the kickstarter! The Eureka: Investigative Urban Fantasy kickstarter ends at 2:00PM CST on Friday May 10th! Get in and support it before it's too late to get custom artwork in the rulebook and the option to write your own entry in one of the tables that determines who playable monsters will have the opportunity to eat!

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If you want to try before you buy, you can download a free demo of the prerelease version from our website or our itch.io page!

If you’re interested in a more updated and improved version of Eureka: Investigative Urban Fantasy than the free demo you got from our website, subscribe to our Patreon where we frequently roll our new updates for the prerelease version!

You can also support us on Ko-fi, or by checking out our merchandise!

Join our TTRPG Book Club At the time of writng this, Eureka: Investigative Urban Fantasy is the current game being played in the book club, and anyone who wants to participate in discussion, but can’t afford to make a contribution, will be given the most updated prerelease version for free! Plus it’s just a great place to discuss and play new TTRPGs you might not be able to otherwise!

We hope to see you there, and that you will help our dreams come true and launch our careers as indie TTRPG developers with a bang by getting us to our base goal and blowing those stretch goals out of the water, and fight back against WotC's monopoly on the entire hobby. Wish us luck.

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longing-for-rain · 8 months

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I know you said no bait asks, and I promise this isn't, I'm genuinely curious to hear an opinion from a Zutara shipper who seems pretty rational. (I am not a kataang fan either by the way so I'm not trying to argue that or anything.). Do you believe that Zutara is a feminist relationship in comparison to Kataang? And what are your reasons for being so strongly invested in Zutara?

Hi, thanks for the ask. I’ll do my best to explain my feelings on this, but to summarize, I think there are two questions here that aren’t inherently related: a) is Zutara feminist and b) why do I like it so much. I know this might surprise you, but even though Zutara is my OTP, I don’t consider it inherently feminist. Let me explain though because that doesn’t mean it’s a bad ship at all.

Obviously, I really like the characters together. However, I won’t go ahead and say it’s the “feminist” choice over kataang, because personally I think that discussing whether a female character has a feminist narrative should not center around which man she ends up with. The primary focus should be on her narrative independently. And if she doesn’t have an independent narrative, well…that’s not feminist at all.

But I’ll answer in more detail below because I think this is an interesting distinction.

a) Is Zutara feminist over Kataang?

Like I said above…no, not inherently. I think what this question is getting at is which relationship gives Katara as a character a feminist narrative, which is a tricky question. Only one of these ships is canon, so we only know how one relationship would have played out in the eyes of the creators. Everything else is up to the interpretation of fans.

First things first, I absolutely do not think kataang, as portrayed in canon, adds to Katara’s independent narrative as a character, and certainly doesn’t contribute to any potential feminist narrative of her character. There are many instances of Katara being damseled and/or generally reduced in complexity whenever she’s placed in a “romantic” situation involving Aang. Despite Katara also being a main character, the “crush” is portrayed entirely through Aang’s POV. And post canon, Katara ends up being relegated to the role of a healer who stays home at the South Pole (this is why I could never get invested in LoK). Which, if you paid attention to her character at all, was something she explicitly stated she didn’t want to be and fought to escape. Ending her story that way reversed any “feminist” narrative set up in ATLA. So no, this is not a narrative that centers Katara and her ambitions at all.

Now onto fanon content.

The beauty of fanon is that it’s completely up to interpretation. Fans can give the characters whichever narratives they want. This goes for both Zutara and kataang. Just because your ship is canon doesn’t mean you have to adhere to canon; many canon shippers write “fix it” type content or otherwise make changes to the canon relationship to make it more appealing to them. I’m sure there are kataang shippers who rewrite their canon relationship to give Katara a feminist narrative, but to be honest the ship just doesn’t appeal to me at all so I haven’t seen those, but I’m not saying they don’t exist.

Now, Zutara. Even though there are definitely some hints in the series, there was nothing explicitly romantic between these characters in canon. So, fans are free to interpret how a relationship between Zuko and Katara would play out, and therefore Katara’s narrative within that relationship. Some people do make a strong effort to give Katara a feminist story, and in my experience, this is often a direct response to canon. But on the other side of the coin, some people absolutely…do not. It’s a big ship with lots of content. Some of it gives Katara’s character a feminist narrative, some of it…does the exact opposite of that. I think anyone familiar with the ship is probably well aware of some of the unsavory tropes associated with it so I won’t get into that.

But anyways, for any ship, there is a variety of content featuring Katara. Sometimes she’s a great warrior, sometimes she plays an important political role, and sometimes she’s just treated like a slave. Sometimes she has her own wants and ambitions and sometimes her story revolves entirely around whichever male character the author is thirsty for. Sometimes she’s treated as a complex human being and sometimes she just exists to be a fetish. Which again, goes for literally any ship and character you can think of.

So when asking yourself if Katara is given a feminist narrative, asking which man she’s paired with is asking the wrong question. Instead the focus should be on Katara herself and what the message of the story says about her.

b) Why do you like Zutara?

Although you can probably tell from the above, I do consider myself a feminist and enjoy analyzing media from that perspective. But honestly, that has little to do with why I like this relationship so much.

Sorry if this answer is boring, but I just…like them. Everyone has different tastes. For me, I was immediately drawn to them watching the show as a kid, because I’m a sucker for that sort of hurt/comfort dynamic they had going on in books 2-3. Growing up and taking a closer look, I also found that I see Zuko and Katara as having a lot of similar values and personality traits that I feel would make them compatible in a relationship. Also, there’s the fact that I just really like Katara and Zuko as individual characters so I like the fact that Zutara allows me to explore both characters by themselves, as well as how they interact together.

But if I’m being real, the final Agni Kai scene is what sold me. The emotional intensity of that scene just had me hooked for life. It’s really not much deeper than that, but yes, I’m extremely obsessed and emotionally invested in this ship.

And yes, I do write a lot of Zutara fic and do my best to give Katara independent goals and ambitions and agency as a character. I do my best to write her in a way that portrays a feminist narrative because I personally find that important. But that’s something I could apply to any ship. I don’t think it’s inherently feminist to ship Zutara, because like I said earlier, it completely depends on the individual fans and how they interpret it. I like interpreting it in a way that gives Katara individual power and goals, but that’s just me. Not everyone writes Zutara the same way.

Hope that answers your question ❄️

#katara #zutara #fandom salt #ish #pro zutara #kataang critical #well more like canon critical #ask #anon #analysis #atla #feminism

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milolovesbmc · 10 months

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RANT ON THE BOYF RIENDS BECAUSE I'M A WEIRDO LOL (Warning: RIDICULOUSLY LONG!)

I saw someone say something along the lines of "Boyf Riends just doesn't work on (the) Broadway (production)" so I'm now gonna rant about it cause I'm a weirdo and I love be more chill (Context, this was under a video with a whole bunch of drawings of Michael and Jeremy in different productions, so played by different actors! Someone commented "Someone should add Broadway" and the op replied with the line I first mentioned, no hate to this person, I'm just being a nerd, also if they see this, your art was amazing and I have nothing against you!!) But anyways this just set me off not a whole tageant about their dynamic, so be prepared for that!

So side note before I start ranting, I'm not saying this in a "Die-hard Boyf Riends shipper" way or something, more in a "the thing this person says makes no apparent sense (at least to me rn)" , also if you want to discuss this feel free to DM me and I'll happily hear you out, I might change my mind about this if someone gives me a good argument, who knows! I'm more than down to discussing this

So anyways, this point just doesn't make sense because of one simple thing: The show's plot and main story points don't change from one production to another. Sure, some details or even dialogue, might change! Hell, the addition of LGW in the Broadway/off-Broadway (?) Run gave as a totally different point of view into Jeremy's character and motivations! But that doesn't change the WHOLE story or the entirety of the perception x person may have on said main character. This just lets us dig a bit deeper into Jeremy's character and how he feels in the moment of making this huge decision of (basically) dumping Michael.

So into why Boyf Riends does/doesn't "work" (work meaning in this context that they fit together, or are fit for each other to put it some way)

I have to start off this by saying that their romantic relationship would not be the healthiest one to say the least. Like you can see this in the platonic relationship they have in the show! And, man, of course it won't be, they're 16! They do not know enough about relationships, neither platonic, romantic or anything in between. Not to say their relationship would be toxic! They just have some codependency issues to work through, because it may not be that apparent but they are, in fact, co-dependent to each other in some ways! They care A LOT about the other's opinion and what they would do in their place, this is shown more from Jeremy's side (probably because we're seeing the story though his lense) than Michael's, we can see this in MITB mainly, whole he's essentially having the breakdown of his life, and we aren't able to see that much of his concern for whether Jeremy likes him or not because he's so okay with himself, he doesn't care what other people think, he wouldn't change for anyone! Which is also why MITB is such an important arc to Michael, because we see that he's not perfectly 100% confident, he's vulnerable too, and he cares, because, shocker! He's still a teenager, with complicated feelings and problems!! He just doesn't constantly feed his insecurities and anxieties because, unlike Jeremy, he likes who he is, he's come to accept himself and wouldn't change for anyone! This latter point is very important, because this means (or at the very least implies) that he will put himself first, not in a selfish way, but in a good way, that's healthy! However, this changes in The Pants Song. You could argue that "He doesn't change anything about him tho! He just decides to help Jeremy!" And you'd be right! But he does so by putting Jeremy before himself and his feelings! Because he's angry, he's grieving because he didn't expect his best friend to turn on him, he needs to process it at least and he deserves to be upset! He insists on not helping him at first, but at last he's convinced by Mr.Heere and ends up, basically doing what Jeremy's father should have done. He basically goes out and saves everyone's ass, even after he gets called a loser on the Halloween party, essentially beat up by a SQUIP-possessed-but-still-Jeremy Jeremy during the play etc.

On Jeremy's side, he is kind of jealous of Michael! Because in Jeremy's eyes, Michael is cool! And he's great! And Jeremy can't process why Michael doesn't hate himself like he does, because the two of them share a lot of traits that Jeremy is bullied for! Because even if not shown, Michael is probably bullied too, but he doesn't pay it any mind, his love of himself is too strong to be affected by it! Jeremy, in some way, kind of looks up to Michael, this could partly also be because of a lack of a parental figure to look up to, but that's a whole other thing. This could affect his view on things, because you could argue that Jeremy sees the SQUIP as that "parental" figure to look up to! Because it knows what's best for him, or so it says, and it's gonna solve all off his problems! So during the bathroom intervention, Michael essentially goes against this idol figure Jeremy has (the SQUIP) which, in Jeremy's eyes, is good! So in that logic, Michael must be the bad person in this! Which is what prompts him to push him away (both literally and metaphorically). That wasn't the point I was discussing tho so back to that! Jeremy needs Michael's approval, he needs Michael to reassure that what he's doing is right! Because nobody else will do the things for Jeremy, not his father, that's for sure!

The problem is that, well, Michael doesn't completely get this! He doesn't get that Jeremy needs him to make the decision for him or help him out, so he just tries to distract him from it with the whole "Cool In College" thing, and at the same time, accidentally confirms his fears, never with that intention of course! But he does. A good example is these lines from Two Player Game: "Dude you are cooler than a vintage cassette, it's just that no one else but me thinks that yet! You're just a nothing in this high school scheme [...]"

Is Michael saying Jeremy's fine the way he is? Yeah! You can understand that from his speech! Will Jeremy most probably just pick up on how he says nobody else thinks that? Also yes

So in conclusion, to end this all off because I'm writing this at 1 in the morning, Michael and Jeremy's relationship does have flaws, it has it's positive and negative aspects, but they can work through them! And about the whole SQUIP incident, I think they just need to actually talk about it and understand why they both did what they did (Mainly for Jeremy's part) and just move on forward! Could moving on forward mean going into a romantic relationship? Sure! It can be whatever kind of relationship you want! Can it also just continue to be platonic/friendship? Sure! Could both work out equally well? YEP! At least from my point of view!

Thanks for listening to me rant, I just have to say this probably went way off rail from what I was saying at the start and might feel kinda pointless, but again, it is 1 am and I'm not reading this again, I hope you can at least enjoy it! :)

#sorry if this is pointless #but anyways pls do dm me and argue w me #because id love to talk about this #be more chill #jeremy heere #michael mell #boyf riends #bmc #bemorechill #the squip #rant post #huuuuge rant #me being goofy

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lostonmari · 6 months

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YOU ALWAYS HAVE THE LAST SAY!

A quick post since I saw something that annoyed me earlier lmao.

Think of "rules" and limiting beliefs like this: Who, if anyone, can enter GOD'S realm and tell them, "You can't do this. It's not right, That isn't possible… Leave people alone.. Blah blah blah."

No one. Absolutely none! So why would you let someone else's words make you doubt yourself? Why would you let someone make you feel like you can't do something? If you are GOD, if you believe you are the creator of YOUR reality, you can do ANYTHING.

IF you believe you are the creator, if you believe you are god, you are not waiting for the universe. You ARE the universe. You make things happen. You do not wait for things to happen TO YOU, you do not wait for things to be given TO YOU, you have them NOW, YOU give them to YOURSELF. NOW. for no reason other than, "I said so." or, "I wanted to." It's that simple. It has ALWAYS been that simple. Your subconscious cannot argue with you. It's like a toddler, it can't use logic, and it can't take a joke. You are the the caretaker of your subconscious. If YOU say you can do something, if YOU say you deserve it, if YOU say it's possible, NO MATTER WHAT IT IS, your subconscious will believe you. In some way, some how, IT WILL COME TO PASS. It doesn't matter if SP has a girlfriend, it doesn't matter if that birthmark on your left toenail has been there since you were born, Idgaf if you're paralyzed from the waist down, IT DOES NOT MATTER. ANYTHING CAN BE CHANGED IF YOU ARE WILLING TO CHANGE IT, ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS CHANGE YOUR THOUGHTS. You always have the final say of what is possible and what happens in your world. Don't ever forget that! No one decides your story OTHER than you.

One of my VERY first manifestations was something I achieved literally by telling myself EVERY DAY AND NIGHT without fail what I wanted to happen. This was before I even knew about Law of Assumption or any "rules" to manifest. Even though I kept seeing the opposite of what I wanted, I CONTINUED to say my mantra. In fact, when I saw things progressing against what I wanted, I wouldn't acknowledge it, I wouldn't feel "defeated", I would just repeat my mantra more. From this experience alone, I believe it doesn't matter what affirmation you use, as long as it implies what you want. My ass did NOT use any traditional "I am" or "you/your" affirmations. I was in my head reciting a manta as if I was a priest expunging a devil from the mortal plane & I'm being dead serious.💀 What I manifested was something so nefarious I don't even think I should go into detail about it, but long story short I got what I wanted. "Karma" never ruined my life. Literally, life went on as if the situation never even occurred. So I promise you, just live your life and don't worry about what other people will think of your manifestations. ANYTHING is possible. You need no one's validation & "karma" won't even effect you UNLESS you believe in it. YOU are the one that gives these damn things power. 😭 Rant over. I'm too lazy to even format this properly I'm posting this at 7 am about to go right back to sleep.

#law of assumption #manifesting #manifestation #sammy ingram #neville goddard #sp manifestation #loassrant #loassumption

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thegirlwhorideslikeasamurai · 3 days

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Superfluous writing update

Calling this superfluous because it's about a story I've decided not to publish, but it's a writing update nevertheless and while I'm deeply dissatisfied with the result, I can still use it for my YOI canon/post-canon series.

The (first) draft of my Vitya backstory, which I've started writing during my Easter holiday, is finally finished. A part of me kept hoping that I might change my mind because it had some highlights like the origin of the bondage lilac fairy, but unless I invest an unholy amount of my time in the revision, it's not going to become a story that anyone would be interested in reading because for all I know, it doesn't match people's expectations about Viktor's past at all. In addition to that is this draft a big construction site.

Here's what imho makes the story unappealing and/or screams at me to be fixed:

Baby Vitya obsessing over a late famous Russian ballet dancer, who I thought would be an amazing idol for him and inspire him to become the kind of skater we see in YOI - no actual story here, just a loosely connected series of events.

Early teenage Vitya still obsessing over his ballet dancer and experimenting with feminine styles and being very stubborn about it despite everyone criticising him - still no actual story here, though, and his arguing with Yakov is becoming repetitive.

A very lenghty part about his first love that was mostly self-indulgent because I knew I had to end it eventually - actual story here for once, but let's be frank: who does even want to read 8 chapters about Viktor/OC?

A first Olympics that very likely is not at all like what Sayo and Mitsurou had in mind for the movie because my Vitya is still trying to get over his heartbreak. Note that I never aimed for that because this project is the result of smaller details I've invented for my series, but the result is far from what I had in mind and although that's part of a natural writing process, the result is extremely dissatisfying.

No drama revolving Viktor's decision to cut his hair because I believe that it was just him getting tired of his long hair and reinventing himself/crafting a new persona.

Poorly fleshed out programmes (there were just too many and I was too busy jotting the story down).

Appearences of real-life figure skaters who competed at that time because I was too lazy to invent OCs for anyone who is not Stéphane Lambiel.

Poorly researched Russian culture (I was too preoccupied with turning post-Soviet Russia into a country that is compatible with the world of YOI than looking into such details).

No teenage Viktor meets teenage Yuuri because during the time the story is set, they never skated in the same category due to their age gap: when Yuuri discovered Viktor, he was 12 and Viktor on the verge of entering seniors, and by the time the story ends, Yuuri has just reached the minimum age to enter seniors.

Honestly, I don't see the appeal in any of this, even if I fix the issues, shorten the lenghty parts and connect the scenes in the first half to an actual plot. It will take months until I will have time for such an endeavour and it will take even more months to turn this clusterfuck of a draft into something readworthy, and by then here will already be dozens, if not hundreds of Young Vitya stories written by people who will likely do a much better job at it than I could ever do.

Why is that even important to me? My stories are very dear to me and posting into the void just hurts. So far, I didn't have any luck with stories that are basically Viktor without Yuuri. This one was especially precious to me because it's a coming-of-age/coming-out story. Since the movie was cancelled, I also feel that expectations for this kind of story have skyrocketed because YOI fans crave to get their Ice Ado in one or the other way. Last but not least, this draft needs an unholy amount of work, and given all the reasons I've just listed, it just doesn't feel worth the effort at all.

So yeah, I wrote a story I've been burning to write since I had the idea back in January, and for the first time in 15 years of writing fanfiction (and 10 more years of writing), I've fucked it up. I now have 115k of backstory I can use in my ADTLTBA-series to flesh out Viktor, which is ridculously much for a backstory. On the pro-side, I now can rest assured that this story will never be abused to hate on animation studios and I'm just emerging from two very intense weeks of writing, which I haven't had since last NaNoWriMo.

#yuri on ice #yoi #viktor nikiforov #jen's mind vomit #writing #fanfiction #my yoi fanfiction #ADTLTBAverse

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your-local-grubdog · 10 months

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Tbh I never understood the people who get upset at the idea pikmin 4 may be a reboot? I'm not even talking about those who disagree with the idea or otherwise think it isn't a reboot. You're entitled to your opinion. I'm talking about the people who get heated over it. Who insist it would be a terrible choice, that it makes no sense, that Nintendo "clearly" doesn't care about the story if that's the case, and insults anyone who suggests it may be a reboot.

Like... It kinda does make sense, though? The franchise is over 20 years old now and has been put on pause for roughly a decade; the series has a few new writers, old writers could have changed their minds on some things, and that's not even getting into the fact that most people playing Pikmin 4 would be new to the series, and a good chunk of returning players are casuals who may have forgotten certain story details. Hell, I'd argue a decent number of players starting with Pikmin 4 hadn't even been BORN yet when Pikmin 3 was released.

Regardless if you think Pikmin 4 is a reboot, I think it's easy to see why it potentially being one would be a good call on Nintendo's part. It gives them the freedom to do what they want/need to do with the story while not being held back by 10-20 year old details. They'd also get to reverse any more questionable choices, like Pangea Ultima in Pikmin 3.

It gives the story a fresh start. Again, if you think it needed it or that it even is a fresh start is your own call. I just never understood the people who got like... Angry over it, to the point of insulting Nintendo and anyone who thought it may be a reboot over it.

#pikmin #pikmin 4 #in case you're curious this is in response to two different posts i saw #one where op called nintendo stupid for rebooting the series #and another where op insisted that anyone who thought that 4 was a reboot was clearly stupid #and the numerus people who agreed with them #not about anyone who happens to disagree with it being a reboot #just those being assholes about it LMAO #please just be nice

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emelinstriker · 8 months

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About those 3 Anon messages recently...

Yes, there's 3 now. Third on came up while I was finishing typing about the 2nd one.

tl;dr context: peeps defending a fictional 2D lego character, questioning the morality of esau (despite the lack of lore context), as well as for some reason a personal attack on me... also smol chinese jesus??? :'D

DISCLAIMER:

I respect y'all's opinions and headcanons and whatnot. It's all valid. However. I expect respect on my own opinions and headcanons return. That's literally all I'm asking.

That's common sense and I will from this point on just delete anyone else's anon asks if they try to argue with me about my standings on these matters mentioned in here. Or this post in general.

There's literally no point in arguing over words written in a story, or debating whether or not pixels on a screen are hot or not.

With that disclaimer being said...

Case 1:

I'm fully aware of the entire discussion thing of Nezha being eternally 12 and all that, but I'm also fully aware of how LMK Nezha is more of a parody on the original. LMK Nezha is more of an adult 2D character who took the characteristics of the source, but then was turned into an aged-up parody.

It's not weird with the context of how things even came to be in the AU. It does involve a form of "infection" that changes those that are infected. In ESAU it's just slightly different from my original story's OCs to appeal more to the Reader. There are people out there who seek comfort in their own superiority complex too, especially if they can never explore that part of themselves normally. If that doesn't appeal to you, that's fine. But don't assume it's weird just because you don't like it if a fictional master/servant relationship isn't for you.

Now, this ask wasn't really bad or directly disrespectful. That was just basic questioning on the general relationship of the AU as well as the LMK Nezha being 12 discussion. So I went to bed, cuz I didn't wanna respond with my rather aggressive response to the topic. Like, I ranted about it to my Discord server, but it was already around midnight and I knew I'd come off as aggressive, despite the logic and facts, if I just copy n pasted the way I phrased the rant. So I went to bed. But then I woke up to an essay in another ask...

Case 2:

I'm assuming this is the exact same person, based on the timeframe and the writing style..? Maybe even the same person who asked that question about whether I'd make Nezha's relationship towards the Reader romantic or platonic..??

For the sake of this entire thing being unworthy of an unnecessary discussion, as well as the fact that the person sending this isn't worth directly responding to if they hide behind an anon face, knowing they would get flamed, I will solely respond to these for my actual viewers, who do enjoy ESAU.

As in, I noticed how almost every single point is easily arguable. Like, they literally just made it up as if every single relationship between the Reader and their champions is romantic. Which couldn't be further from the truth. This is a point I wanna get more into due to how it covers the Master System more. A random anon sending me questions, or rather statements, like this doesn't deserve to get a detailed response to this directly either. My viewers do deserve more insight though. Be it to avoid more people thinking this is automatically grooming, or just to give interested people more lore dump.

To keep it short: Everyone who wants to be a Reader, is a Reader. I myself am a Reader of fiction, which is why I use my persona to fill in the Reader's space in any drawing I do for ESAU. Which is also why Macaque referred to their Master currently being female in that one drawing- Because in that moment, in my drawings, I'm technically seen as their Master.

So when you see the champions swap between their Master using non-binary or female pronouns, this is why. If you see me draw them referring to their Master as a "she", they're referring to basically their current Master in that exact moment. However, literally anyone else can also be placed in that spot.

Whenever I refer to a Reader's reincarnation, I usually mean either "the same person, but another life" OR "different people of the same/a different life". As in, the Reader can imagine themselves having had multiple past lives, or their "past life" is actually another Reader. We're all the Reader. That's why I kept saying the Master System is rather philosophical.

The Reader can imagine themselves if they met their champions as a child or as an adult. However, nothing in ESAU is forced to be romantic or sexual. If you were born as a prince/princess/royalty, that doesn't mean your servants are immediately destined to be romantic or sexual with you, right? That entire portion is up to the Reader to decide and imagine. I do not control what another person thinks of and imagines. If they chose to pick a darker path, the fuck do you want me to do about that? Unless it ends up hurting anyone, or they actively push the topic onto others, I see no issue with however a Reader wants to think up what happens in their life with their servants. All I do is create material for others to play with.

Except for the First Master, any other Reader can be considered either the same person or various people. That's up to the person behind the screen, whether they feel more comforted with one idea or another.

On the Nezha being 12 topic... Do people know what a parody is, I-

LMK Nezha looks more like THIS-

Not as young as THIS-

And he was never said to be 12 years old in LMK. Nor does he look 12, act 12, speak 12, sound 12... LMK needs to be seen and accepted as more like a parody AU of the original story, if that wasn't obvious enough. I find it funny how they brought up my own age though-

Cuz yeah, I'm 21, almost 22, and I do understand the difference between reality's religions, fictional 2D pixels, and the difference between the source and a parody. Wow. Shocker. I know.

Or as I said it in tags earlier today-

Also I'd just like to add… If we go by the theory of specifically LMK Nezha still being 12, despite literally thousands of years having passed, his body being depicted as a fully grown adult in basically every single goddamn aspect of his character within the show… Literally all he got is his paperwork saying he's 12. Like- LMK Nezha would literally just be one of those people that were born on February 29th. Just him not getting any birthdays. Do you assume after literal thousands of years, with his body and mind being mature, and only his paperwork saying he's 12, this dude wouldn't be tryna explore more of himself and his interests, wh-

Like- LMK Nezha isn't the original source Nezha. Simple as that. Just accept it's a parody and be done with it. If you don't agree with it, that's your opinion and I respect that. But don't you dare fucking push that opinion on others who do actually accept the show as a parody and wanna live out their fantasies in said parody.

Your opinion does not mean it's the opinion of others.

Like, the entire age thing in LMK is such a headcanon thing to the point where no one seems to have a solid age, besides maybe MK, who I've seen people calculate his age for due to his driving license and all that. LMK Nezha is confirmed to be depicted as an adult within the show, which is the headcanon I'm going with, regardless of whatever bullshittery people are trying to argue with.

In conclusion: Nezha may be eternally 12 in a story. But that story is NOT Lego Monkie Kid.

On a side note, something I found ironic and funny, is if an aged up character isn't allowed to be sexualized, then I guess if someone ages a character down, suddenly that original source of the character is no longer allowed to be sexualized either, just because that character suddenly has a younger version of themselves. It's not even the younger version that's being sexualized. That literally is the entire logic of this debate on not wanting a fictional character to have an aged up version of themselves.

Good job, nobody wins. I guess nothing can be sexualized at that point- But then again, Rule 34 wouldn't exist then.

Okay, but now this, THIS is where I got REALLY annoyed, cuz NOW we're getting into more personal territory of nitpicking at ESAU. And those who know me are aware of how I go Asian mom mode when my creations, or younger friends and mutuals, are being wrongfully disrespected.

In general, their entire point is a snowflake-behavior nitpick. Branding is also seen as a way to claim ownership over something. The torture part is basically just the pain of it. I could've also just have the champions have one of those toy stamps for lil children be slapped onto them if you really wanna snowflake it all for tHe PrEcIoUs cHilDrEn...

C'mon. I grew up with FNAF and Creepypastas. Which tend to be usually two of the first fandoms I see children get interested in and hyperfixated on. Mentions of brandmarks that have fully healed ain't nothin' at all.

Like, I literally met a boy who was 8ish years old, who was so happy and hyped about FNAF that he asked me to draw Freddy and Bonnie.

Creepypastas also might make one edgy for a while, but they do grow A LOT from it once they leave that phase. So far, everyone I've ever talked to about Creepypastas in the past became such a good person. Because they look back, and recognize morals so much better. They have seen what bad things can happen and we all know where to draw the line between what's fine, and what's not. Nitpicking on LMK Nezha and ESAU doesn't mean anything since it's just that, nitpicking. I know where to draw the line, but this line these people set is a line no one but themselves can imagine.

Show children bits of reality's darker side and they will know how to deal with the knowledge much better and faster as they grow. That wasn't even just about branding, but I'm tired of people saying how we need to keep children safe. Well yeah, keep them safe physically, but they will never fucking grow and become more independent unless you fucking let them think and process the good AND the bad for themselves.

Also on the topic of adding content warnings- Like, the fuck do you want me to even add? Those asks other people sent of the Reader being basically raised by their servants need no warnings, X Readers in general need no warnings, the brandmarks need no warnings cuz they're just there as aesthetic symbols for anyone not invested in the lore, LMK Nezha needs no content warnings-

Literally the only content warning I'd ever need to add is something like gore, which I do admit I didn't add on the ESAU!Nezha X Reader one.

And I'd just like to add a little something that made me raise an eyebrow: They complained about me going against "Wukong's celibacy vows" when they literally admitted to actively looking through the LMK X Reader tag. While that doesn't necessarily mean they would marry or bang Wukong, that means they're at least curious or interested in what a relationship with any of those characters would be like. Which by all means, would not be possible without it being fiction/fanfiction, and without them having some curiosity or interest in the 2D show of LMK.

Like you're literally telling me I'm practically hurting a fictional character's feelings on the matter, but then turn around and try to get with another character.

Fanfiction and AU's are a thing, man. It's all opinions, headcanons, and literally made up shenanigans. And there's nothing wrong with it when it differs from one person to another.

But dumping empty accusations onto me, someone who thinks more logically than emotionally, literally doesn't help your case. Like, you're debating whether or not this 2D character would actually give a shit if someone would wanna bang them cuz they look hot to the other person.

Case 3:

This one just got dropped into my inbox as I finished typing out the last paragraph and just- This is literally just a unnecessary and only somewhat personal hatred thing at this point- But I'm wheezing at the idea of a smol Chinese Jesus-

Bro, as someone who was forced to be Christian on paper, but never gave a shit about it, because Religion doesn't prove anything or form you, I really don't care. And even if that were the case, I wouldn't complain. It's all fiction dammit. You're again, defending pixels on a screen. Besides that, that wouldn't even be the original source character, again. Also in general, honestly, I see any religious story as fiction anyway. Cuz that literally is what a religion is- You put a belief onto someone over a being/a story-

If you're religious, I respect that. But so do you have to respect that I'm not exactly religious myself.

Case 3 was probably the most directly aggressive one of the 3, but also the most unmeaningful one and so unnecessary one... as if that would be the one to prove a point.

Anyway, rant over, I'm done with this.

If I see any other personal hate on me for not sharing the same fucking opinion on such a niche debate, I'll just ignore and delete it all. This is such a pointless topic.

ESAU is supposed to be a comfort zone for those who actually do feel connected to it. If you don't, that's fine, I fully respect it. If people believe Nezha is 12, I respect that. But don't push that onto those who literally are just here to have a nice time away from shit like this. If you wanna "keep the children safe", fucking keep them away from this sort of nowhere-leading discussion topic.

Literally look at Genshin's Twitter Community, this just feels like the exact same type of unnecessary drama I see there.

And no I will not tag these 3 anons. If they respect me enough, they will either just keep quiet or block me and move on. I don't mind. But I refuse to let this bullshit be a whole ass discussion when I'm just trying to have a good time connecting to my viewers after a long day at work. If they look for a fight for some reason, I won't give them one. They can pick someone else for this bullshit, it's not worth my time as it's all OPINION AND HEADCANON-BASED.

And such debates don't end in peace. So I'd rather be the bigger, more mature person and just say "This is the line. Discussion over. We're done here".

Have a nice day, anyone who actually is nice and respectful towards others and their own takes/opinions on things! Weekend's here now tho so y'all ESAU lovers might see some wholesome lil doodles! :D

#lmk esau #eternal servants au #rant #the fact that all 3 are anons tho and 3rd one tells me to respond #but i'm over here still finding the anon part funny #like- easiest way to solve it is to literally just either block me or have me block you. problem solved. i won't change my opinion on thing #or just block the esau tags idk man #usually i wouldn't just say “ignore if you don't like it”#but in this case that's like the only option #this is a nowhere-leading topic that doesn't need to be discussed further #it's just opinion-based bullshittery #if you see nezha as 12 that's fine #if you see nezha as an adult that's also fine #neither side has to push their opinion onto the other #just let us have our fun and we'll let you have your fun. simple. just accept that humans and human minds differ from another.

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bidoofenergy · 9 months

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little cousin of a friend

Rafael doesn’t know what words to use, how to explain what he feels for this kid that’s basically half his age, but he does know he would douse himself in the rest of the Scotch and light himself on fire for Alex.

also on AO3 (1990 words)

2018

The kid has a crush on him. Rafael can tell, even if Alex can’t. Alex stares at him from across his tiny office and picks up Skittles for him on coffee runs and blushes when they argue. He complains and whines and hounds him over the most miniscule details, but when it’s 12:30 and Rafael doesn’t have a lunch meeting, Alex is halfway to Five Guys already. He had memorized Rafael’s order within the first few weeks, waving off Rafael’s offer to text it to him with a “yeah, yeah, I know what you get.” Rafael is emotionally constipated, like any other gay man in his late 30s, but he knows what a crush looks like on the face of a young brown boy.

And now Alex is lying on his office floor, both of them drunk off their asses on Scotch nicer than 20-year-old Alex has any business drinking. But it’s been a bad week, so Rafael orders pizza and tries to lighten the mood with good stories, hopeful stories about why they’re having this shit week in the first place. Alex is only in this town because he’s working for Rafael, and it feels like the least Rafael can do for his… employee? His friend’s kid?

They have a weird relationship. Alex is some fucked up combination of annoying little cousin, mentee, and friend. Rafael doesn’t know what words to use, how to explain what he feels for this kid that’s basically half his age, but he does know he would douse himself in the rest of the Scotch and light himself on fire for Alex.

Rafael is slumped in one of the chairs, because he knows how to handle what he drinks, holding up his phone so Alex can see the pictures from the floor. There isn’t much he’d critique the President for, but she’s kept Alex so close to the center of it all, had him running the race before he was fully grown—Alex is at a real risk of burning out young. Rafael can see it in him, because it’s in himself. At least Rafael had to muscle his way into political spaces first—Alex is in the thick of it, all day, every day, and it’ll wear him out if nothing changes.

But Rafael isn’t his dad, even if he’s old enough to be and, Christ, that makes him feel old. He’s not Alex’s dad and all he can do is remind Alex why he’s there, why they’re both there.

Alex isn’t looking at the pictures. He’s pretending like he is, like he’s listening to Rafael talk, but he’s got a far-away, dreamy but determined look on his face and Rafael gets a sinking feeling in his gut.

“Pick someone else,” he wants to beg, would beg if it wouldn’t just encourage Alex. “Pick someone else to admire, please.” He doesn’t know if he can bear the weight of Alex’s admiration. He’s so open, so bright, so young and Rafael…

There’s at least one senator with a binder full of Rafael’s secrets, holding it over him like a guillotine blade, and Rafael wants to take down as few people as possible when he falls.

On top of it all, on top of the admiration or crush or hero worship, Alex doesn’t even know that’s what’s happening. Initially, Rafael thinks he’s just good at staying closeted, but he’s too good—too eager to talk about girls on Tinder, too genuine as he listens to one of Rafael’s friends talk about growing up trans and black.

Rafael’s mentee-slash-annoying-little-cousin of a friend has a massive crush on him, and he doesn’t even know it. It’s not his place to say anything, to Alex, who needs to figure this out on his own, or Oscar, no matter how many bathroom bills he blocks, or June, who doesn’t even like that Alex is here, or Ellen, the goddamn President. It’s not his place to say anything, to anyone.

He exhales this secret on little puffs of cigarette smoke—Alex is queer too Alex is queer too Alex is queer too—on his smoke breaks, the only time Alex is willing to leave him alone.

What’s one more secret to carry?

2020

Richards outed Alex and Rafael can’t even prove it. It’s 6 in the morning and Rafael woke up with a horrible feeling in his gut, so bad he thought he had appendicitis again even though his appendix ruptured seven years ago. He grabs his work phone and there it is, the Google alert he had set up for Alex: FSOTUS And Prince Henry Are Totally Doing It!! It’s all so ridiculous he could laugh, but all he can think about is Alex, his little cousin of a friend, forced out in such a humiliating fashion, and he nearly cries.

For one horrible, terrifying moment, he remembers the night before and that horrible gut feeling is back. Is this because of that conversation? Did somebody hear them— “Sería una mentira, porque no sería él.”—and manage to put it all together?

But no, there’s photos of Alex and Henry kissing and, worse than that, emails. Pages and pages and pages of emails, between Alex and Henry, more than he could possibly read—more than he ever wants to read—and that’s when Rafael knows this is Richards. In that moment, it’s nothing more than a gut feeling, but it’s more actionable than any of his other thoughts have been so far.

The Daily Mail broke the story, but it’s easy enough to feed a newspaper anywhere in the world a story like this. The Daily Mail would run it with a single out-of-focus picture, and they got a treasure trove. The emails were dropped on WikiLeaks, which means they might as well have been dropped out of a helicopter in terms of Rafael’s ability to trace them.

He wastes nearly an hour trawling through forum boards he remembers from his teenage-hood and Reddit pages he’s kept an eye on in recent years. Most people are mean and homophobic and varying levels of racist, but he manages to find a pocket of sympathetic queer anarchists, seriously discussing possible sources of the leak. He lurks and watches as, again and again, people ask “Richards?” and throw around phrases like “politically motivated” and “right to self-determination”.

Rafael’s skills might be 20 years out of date, but it’s laughably easy to gain access to an email server he already has an account on. But there’s so much data and only so much time before Richards knows he has it. There’s no time for him to work through all these emails to find anything of substance. Selfishly, he wants to fix this all himself; swoop in and save this horrible, horrible day for Alex.

There’s only one person he can trust with this—one person that will be able to parse this data and cares enough about Alex to do it properly. With any luck, there will be other things Richards has done for Nora Holleran to find in this pile of data.

Making a sockpuppet account is a given—he’s old not stupid—but he hesitates before he sends the email. They’ll need verification for any worthy newspaper to run the story. Thousands of emails mean nothing if there’s any chance it’s all made up. He stares at his cursor, blinking innocently at the end of probably the most important email he’ll ever send. He trusts Nora to do right by Alex, but he doesn’t know if he can trust her to do right by him.

And in a flash, he’s thinking about Alex two years ago, when Rafael got to know him for him, not as Oscar Diaz’s youngest kid. He’s so sad and mad, thinking about that kid getting his hopeful, caring, enthusiastic ass crushed under Richards’s heel all for the Presidency, that kid he got to know over Skittles and scotch and Five Guys.

Five Guys. He has to laugh. For all Alex’s complaining about not being there to play delivery guy, he had memorized Rafael’s order in the first few weeks.

2021 SCB. BAC CHZ GR ON A1.

Alex will get it, and know that Rafael trusts him—and that’s all that really matters. Rafael won’t kid himself. He’s never earning back Alex’s trust; he burnt that bridge. But maybe he can earn Alex’s forgiveness.

2021

Alex swings in and throws a pack of tropical Skittles onto Rafael’s desk. He falls into his usual chair and starts talking and it’s like nothing’s changed.

Everything has changed.

There’s a weight the size of a 6-foot-something white man missing from Rafael’s back, no longer breathing down his shoulder and whispering “imagine who I’ve hurt since I hurt you,” into his ear every time Jeffery Richards shows up on TV. He can breathe, properly, fully, and he didn’t realize the pressure that was on his chest until it was gone.

It helps that he’s also stopped smoking.

The boy—the young man across from him is so open, so bright it almost hurts Rafael to look at him. Alex has been like that the whole time Rafael’s known him, since he was a stretched-out 15-year-old shadowing his dad with a notepad full of surprising insights—but it’s different now. He’s slowed down a little. He’s always been confident, always been a cocky little shit, but he’s not as aggressive about it now. It feels earned, settled into the line of his shoulders, instead of on top of them, weighing him down.

Alex is sitting across from Rafael, in the same office in the Dirksen building, the same leg flung over the armrest in a way that makes Rafael wince and then feel old for wincing, but he’s not talking about politics. He’s talking about Henry, his boyfriend, and his friends, way more than just two. He’s asking about Rafael’s life, about nicotine patches and if he’s ever going to use the Hinge profile Alex had set up and has he recently been to a party that had a single person whose office wasn’t within a seven-block radius? Alex is asking Rafael this, as if he didn’t spend most of college in the Senate building on Friday evenings, pursuing policy rumors and harassing sitting senators.

Alex pauses in the middle of a story about Henry’s dog being chased by rats to check his phone, face going mushy in a way Rafael knows he doesn’t realize. He stands up and says, or really demands, “You’re having dinner with us.”

Us, as in him and Henry, so intertwined they’re casually a single unit. Rafael loves young queer love, even when it’s sweet enough to make him nauseous. “I don’t know, kid, I’m pretty busy right now.” He says, and it’s true.

Alex rolls his eyes. “You’re always going to be busy, but I’m not always going to be here.” He says, and it sounds so simple out of his mouth. Alex has always been good at that. “I miss you; I love you; come have dinner, and we can make my royal boyfriend pay and call it “reparations”.” He’s laughing, but Rafael is still stuck in the middle of his sentence.

It’s said so casually, because of course it is, it’s Alex. Alex wears his heart on his sleeve and has no trouble saying how he feels—once he figures it out. But it still blows Rafael away to hear it said. He’s earned it back. It means more than he can ever tell Alex.

Of course, he’ll go have dinner with them, his annoying-little-cousin-friend and his boyfriend.

He shuts down his computer and starts packing up his stuff. Alex blinks, like he’s surprised he won so quickly. “Love you too, asshole.” Rafael says gruffly, clapping him on the back like the emotionally-constipated middle-aged man he is.

They leave together, an old man and a much younger, much better version of himself.

#red white and royal blue #rwrb #rwarb #alex claremont-diaz #rafael luna #god luna & alex are so important to me #red white and royal blue book #rwrb book #rwrb fic #my fic

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eqt-95 · 5 months

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20 Questions More

A deeper and more detailed version of the 20 questions for AO3 fanfic writers. Thanks @fabulousglitch for the tag!!

1) How do you keep getting ideas for your ship/fandom?

The blorbos won't leave me alone.

2) Which authors inspire you in your fandom, and why are they so freakishly good?

There are too many to count. I was introduced to Supergirl through fanfic and the canon I know to be true has been built on the backs of hundreds of contributors. It wouldn't do anyone justice if I started a list because 1. it would become a monolith of names and 2. I would definitely miss one(s). If you're in this fandom, you've likely inspired me, and that counts both for written, gif-ed, and drawn works.

3) Aside from the characters of your main ship, who are the characters you love to write?

Alex, but I don't always get it right.

4) Are there pairings or tropes you know for sure you'd never write about? Which ones?

There is a lot I probably wouldn't do, but I also for sure never expected to write an F1 au, so...

5) What is your writing process and why is it cursed?

I can either sit down and crush 1-3k words or sit down and tweak the same seven sentences for two hours. There is rarely an in between.

6) What is your favorite part of your writing process?

Editing. Oh boy do I LOVE editing. Those opportunities for finessing and fine-tuning and tweaking are *mwah*

7) What’s the weirdest thing you’ve had to research for a fic?

This isn't weird but is more recent: I did a deep dive into star constellations for a throwaway line in 'new kind of romance'

8) Is there a particular writing rule you struggle with (grammar, spelling, tense, reality in general)?

This is a nonanswer, but I would love to expand my vocabulary. The thesaurus is my writing buddy, but there are very real moments where I pout and scowl and glare at the ceiling because I can't think of the word that I'm feeling.

9) What was your hardest scene to write so far and why?

Any sort of conflict/confession/confrontation is always really hard for me, but they're also maybe my favorite things to write. I want the characters to hash things out and be honest and vulnerable, and I think tackling big emotions is a delicate balance. I never want to sound too forceful, but I don't want to leave things unsaid, but I don't want anyone to do anything out of character, but i don't want to yadda yadda...

10) Have your characters ever done something you didn’t expect, changing your plot completely?

see: 'crisis of indulgence'

11) If you could converse with any of the characters, who would it be and why?

Lena; I think she'd be a lot of fun to debate/argue with (respectfully).

12) What are some of the tropes or themes that you find yourself returning to in your writing?

(so far) always a happy ending. the readers and these characters deserve it.

13) What's your most important resource as a writer?

Living experiences (which takes time!). I don't think I could write heartbreak without having experienced that guttural feeling of loss in the same way I don't think I could write about failure or anger or insecurity or love or laughter. I think reading and the act of writing every day are incredibly resourceful, but the act of my lived experiences and those feelings is something I draw from in everything I write.

14) Can you share some of your strategies for editing and revising your work?

I edit as I go which doesn't work for everyone; however, a super fun thing I've picked up in recent works is this: when going to do a final edit of a <insert: chapter, one-shot, etc>, I read the last few paragraphs first. That sets me up to know exactly what the chapter is aiming for: feelings, motivations, plot, etc. I then use that as the anchor for how I tweak/edit/add small details to the rest of the chapter during my final read-through. I find it helps flesh out the larger story with smaller details.

15) Which is worse: making the summary, picking the tags, or the anxiety when you post your fic?

none of the above really since nothing about posting is carved in stone. tags and summaries can always be tweaked.

16) How do you define success for your fanfic - hits? Kudos? Comments? Bookmarks? Or just if you like it?

If it's finished. Bonus points if people get something out of it, but the act of having written something feels like the biggest success.

17) Do you have a playlist for your favorite character/ship?

Not really. I have go-to soundtracks for 'writing vibes' but nothing project/ship dedicated. (though 'like we're made of glass' was definitely inspired by very specific songs)

18) If fan art was going to be made from your work, which fic would you pick and which fan artist would you like to create it?

Again there are too many jaw-droppingly talented artists in this fandom to choose just one. It would of course be a wild crazy honor to see a work inspired by one of my fics, but there's already so much in this fandom to be inspired by that it doesn't feel like a loss.

19) How many WIPs do you currently have?

*sighs* for supercorp? there are a few (five). but the one that has most of my creative down time is a supercorp wicked au i have wanted to write for years but only have the faintest wisps of an outline for.

20) What's your advice to new fanfic writers?

Do it, do it, do it!

But also, one of my favorite pieces of advice for ANY creative venture is from Marc Dalessio who made this super cool 'creative process' graph in 2010 and included this line to summarize it: The ability to see improves before technical skill, and we often have difficulty assessing honestly exactly how our work looks.

It helps during those ruts when I look at everything I've recently written/drawn/created and scrunch up my nose in snobbish disgust because it just means I'm growing in some new way and not that anything I'm doing is inherently bad.

- - - - -

tagging (respectfully and without pressure) @sideguitars @fazedlight @inkedroplets if you want some rapid-fire q's thrown your way. but also anyone who wants to take a swing, i'd be jazzed to read the different answers

#figured i'd fill this buddy out since i've got post-new romances time on my hands #fabulousglitch #ask game?#qs with quinn #ask me things!

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nanistar · 1 year

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do you have any tips on story writing / comic making? ive got something all plotted out but i just dont know where to start with executing it

hmmm this one is tough because i have a long history of starting and giving up on comics, even if i have a full script written out. i'm personally really bad at the whole planning-stuff-out thing. i tend to work in short bursts and write stuff maybe two or three scenes in advance.

i think my best advice would be: if you have something planned out, and you're excited to start working on it, just start working on it.

don't wait to find the perfect beginning, because in my experience, you'll eventually lose confidence or motivation if you wait too long. the worst thing that will happen is you might come up with a cooler idea later, but the good thing about webcomics is you can always start over, especially if it's early on. my "main" comic- something ive been working on since 2014- i have started and stopped about 6 times, and i have changed the plot/settings completely about as many times. i even wrote it out as a 100+ page novel for a creative writing class in high school. i actually started SBC with the intention of doing a short 1-2 year comic to kinda "warm up"

share some of your process online and with friends for feedback as you go with pre-planning. when i was building up the mojave clan concept, briskwater was intended to be the main character, with vulturepaw, a sunclan cat, having an unrelated but major side story but when i shared my first character sketches with my friend server, they all went bonkers over Saltburn so i changed my plan to focus on her. you don't have to share everything, but just having people initially interested in your story is a HUUUGE motivation boost. if you're having troubles scripting a start, don't script. think about openings to shows/series that you like and just start sketching stuff. i really like the foreboding prose-like openings of Fellowship of the ring and Avatar the last airbender, that tells you everything you need to know about the world itself, and mayhaps foreshadows a bit, but is still opened-ended enough that it can go anywhere. you can also start in media res; AKA start where the action all ready happened/is happening, and do a "teaser" of sorts, and then go back, sometimes called a Cold Open (tho that one is used mainly in TV, and some argue it's different but they're both functionally the same thing). think about how procedural investigation shows will often show you an obscured view of how the episode's victim gets murdered/kidnapped/whatever, and then it launches into the shows opening credits.

also finally, and i mean this so, so genuinely, it does not have to be perfect, and it wont be. you are going to be drawing SO many characters so many times, so many BGs ect, things are going to slip through the cracks that that's OK. you can take shortcuts, you can be lazy, you can have continuity errors. also give characters in the BG funny stupid faces instead of worrying about details because its fun to do

sooo yah. that's all i got TLDR: look at intros to media you like, and steal their style. don't worry about getting it perfect. if you have even a slim idea of what you want, just go for it and it will come to you. if you don't know what you want.... also just go for it.

also. my style of writing/comics works for me, but it might not work for you so take any advice i give with a grain of salt. ask other comic folk, like @razmerry and uh. ive been sitting here for 15 minutes but i literally forgot every other comic person ever. so sorry. but anyone who knows things feel free to add on.

#im not really the best person to ask for advice because im so scatterbrained #i also dont script stuff line by line #i typically come up with the full dialogue on the fly #comic writing #comic advice #idk what to tag this as

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antispopausandstuff · 8 months

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a discussion ( IMPORTANT )

hello, everyone.

i will get to the much more important matter of this first and foremost, and then get into much smaller details after.

if you are not aware, Palestine is suffering a genocide at the hands of Israeli government and military, and Palestine's connection with the outside world has been almost completely cut off after a bombing hit the center that controls all communications.

right now, Palestine is suffering even more bombings. to give you a picture in what has happened to them in detail:

there are now very little reporters and journalists to give word on what is currently happening, and they are getting murdered.

there is no way for the people to call 911 // 101, leaving many to slowly die or not have a chance at coming back.

they have cut off their electricity, water, food, and medical aid. they have left Palestine with nothing.

they have bombed hospitals, and are currently trying to bomb the largest hospital ( with 50,000+ inside ), under the claims ( with no evidence ) that terrorists // the hamas are inside.

since the attacks, over 7000 people ( 2000+ children ) have died, and there are documents of every single one of them. it is said there are even more.

even more is happening, and there are many recordings, articles, photos, etc. of the horrors of this genocide.

children are being buried under rubble in their sleep, they are praying for safety, for help, for protection, spouses are being torn apart, homes older than most of my community are bombed down into nothing. this is not a war. this is genocide.

families are being torn apart. children are becoming orphans. spouses are becoming widows. nothing justifies this, nothing justifies the slaughter of thousands of innocents.

in order to help:

demand a ceasefire ( this will send you to a site that has multiple options on how to help ).

share everything you know about Palestine's suffering. ( a good start is sbeih.jpg )

boycott companies ( the big 3: starbucks, mcdonalds, and disney plus, but please look into more ).

make donations to Palestine. ( there are also fundraisers on all of my instagram accounts )

inform your friends, family, anyone you can of what is happening. do not fall for the propaganda.

it is vital for their survival to do as much as we can to support them, to stand and fight for them. please, do not ignore this. do not look away. do not get used to what is happening. please, please, please do not stop caring for all of Palestine.

free Palestine.

i have made the rebranding for this account recently, but before i was aware of this horrifying act of inhumanity. now that i am more knowledgeable of this, it has changed a lot of how i view life.

it doesn't feel appropriate now, to call my take on this show as a story of war, with what i do know. the acts of the horde are very similar, if not exact, to the acts of the government on Palestine.

with this all in mind, how nate has made the original she-ra into what it is "known for" today has me absolutely appalled and disgusted, more than ever before. spop is not a story of love, it is a story of war criminal apologists, and war criminals getting a happy ending, because they were sad. it is a story of glorified propaganda.

it is a love letter to war criminals, no matter how much people want to argue otherwise, no matter what nate's intentions were. it is a disservice to those who have suffered from war, genocide, abuse, military, starvation, abuse of power, amongst many other things.

why am i bringing this up?

to tell you all that my remake will most likely not be out for a long, long time. i do not want to disrespect the stories told by victims, to bring shame to those who do not deserve it, by making the wrong decisions.

the story will definitely not be the next avatar, it will not be the next anything. but i do not want to be careless, or under the pretenses that i "know enough". i want to be a responsible writer, and that means taking responsibility for what i give to my audience.

so, if you've read this, please do not ask me further questions on how my writing for this story is coming along. this will take time, and time is what will be given. you can ask me about various things, of course ( such as what i will do with characters, relationships, etc. ), but i will not speak on what the story will entail or what it will evolve into.

thank you for your support, and stand with Palestine.

#free palestine #free gaza #save palestine #save gaza #stand with palestine #stand with gaza #stop israel #next tags unrelated #motu #motu she ra #she ra motu #she ra

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