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itsahotminuteinbetween · 5 months

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Chapter 8

GUESS WHO'S BACK WITH ANOTHER CHAPTER That's right, after being out of commission for a couple months, chapter 8 is FINALLY finished.

AND I HAVE SOME GOOD NEWS FOR THE PEOPLE WHO'VE BEEN ASKING FOR IT:

Where the Stars Don't Shine is finally posted on ao3! The new chapter is here!

I am so so so sorry about the wait, so I made it extra long just for you guys! As always, @itsberrydreemurstuff, @bibooby, @laegume and @andyssilly, welcome back to the slumber party, I saved yall some front row seats! (If anyone else wants to be tagged just lemme know and I'll put ya in the next one!) Anyways, hope yall enjoy this, and without further ado-

On with the show!

Word Count: 4,962

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All your excitement during your encounter with Sun vanishes when it becomes clear just what sort of day it’s going to be.

You had a bit of a mixed bag in attendance today. All your regulars, plus a couple new faces here and there. It started out okay, really.

And then one new kid in particular showed his hand and cemented his legacy as one of the most spoiled children you have ever had the dishonor of meeting.

You try not to dwell on it and just move on, but this kid…this kid is awful . Pushing other kids around, turning his nose up at snacks and eating off other kids’ plates, ripping the heads off toys…

(You really have to remember to bring your sewing kit next time.)

You know it’s not the kid’s fault for his behavior, more of the people who raised him, and you try not to hold it against him, you really do. By the looks of it, Sun is trying, too, but both of your patience is drawing thin.

You draw the line when he tears out a page of your books that one of the other boys was reading.

You remind yourself repeatedly that you are not allowed to punch a child.

You do put him in time-out, though. And you can guess by this kid’s behavior that their parents are going to raise hell about it.

You discover some hours later that your assumption is completely correct when said parent comes in later to pick up their child and you confront them about the brat’s behavior, to which their response is an offended gasp and a rant about how awful your work ethic is and you’re not providing enough care this is why people like you are in jobs like this you’re lucky you’re even employed that makes the brick walls behind security desk that you have the strong urge to slam your head into all the more appealing. You stand there with a polite customer service smile and take it like the valued employee you are while trying to remember what temperature human flesh burns at before chastising yourself, until you’re thrown back into reality and catch the tail end of what she says.

“-and are you even listening to me right now? Ugh, you’re even denser than the robot, at least it can do its job right. You’re supposed to be the competent worker and you’re being beaten by a walking junkyard pile-”

Yeah, nope, not this again.

You bristle at her words, gritting your teeth slightly and forcing your smile to maintain itself. If it looks slightly more manic than intended, that can’t be helped, but you had always been good at playing the part of someone weaker than you. “I’m so sorry you feel that way, ma’am. I’m sure you can leave a review regarding our services on our website if you’d like. However, Fazbear does not tolerate abuse and slander of any of its staff. Thanks for stopping by and have a Faz-er- iffic day!”

You slam the door in her face just as she opens her mouth (likely to respond with another offensive remark) and dust your hands off in satisfaction. It’s not the first time someone’s come to complain about you and your coworkers. In truth, the company probably couldn’t care less how the clients treated their workers and their ‘property’ as long as they got paid. Slander against you, you could understand; you signed a contract and sold your soul away. One of the agreements was to deal with annoying clients. But the other two? They had been built for this, any complaint against them was the fault of the company itself, and besides, you couldn’t see them as anything other than people since the moment you’d spoken to them. After all, a company probably wouldn’t leave a prerecorded message expressing immediate hostility towards its employees on their first day of work, now would it?

They had to have some level of sentience to make that decision.

You mark off the last child with a pleased grin. At least with the way she’d reacted you could guarantee that neither the harpy woman nor her little satan spawn son ever set foot in the Daycare ever again.

You do unfortunately still have to clean up the carnage left behind, though. You grab a broom and a dustpan, ready to sweep up the crumbled play-doh and ripped stuffing from earlier, back straightening with a sharp inhale when the lights cut off. Not terribly uncommon, but it still left you uneasy. Moon didn’t get to do his little song and dance during naptime because you were preoccupied punishing a rulebreaker, and you’re pretty sure he’s fixing to dish out his skewed idea of justice one way or another.

Lo and behold, the tell-tale click of a wire descending directly behind you gives away his intentions.

“ Aww , thank you for defending our honor so nobly , little knight,” he croons mockingly. You don’t even have to turn in his direction to know he’s fanning his faceplate and fake swooning in a ‘my fair maiden’ pose. You say nothing, just sweeping stiffly under his suspended shadow and inspecting the floor. You’d have to bring out the vacuum for the carpet, plus a mop.

You miss his frown at your evident disinterest.

“So brave, to come to our aid when we were utterly defenseless ,” he continues, picking a small bit of clay off your shoulder and flicking it aside. “But you know, you seemed to have forgotten what I told you earlier…”

He pauses, seemingly waiting for some response of probing to continue. If he is, he’ll be sorely disappointed. Though you’re usually the one after them for conversation, you’re in no mood for it after the day-no, the week, the whole damn month , really- you’ve had. You just want to go home, take a shower, and sleep for an eternity.

His frown grows further in distaste, and he decides to grab your attention by gripping your shoulders tightly and lifting you a few inches off the ground. Your previously unfocused gaze now snaps to him, alert and on guard.

Wuh-oh.

That’s more like it.

“We do not need your help ,” he sneers, shaking you by the front of your shirt. You blink and gulp nervously, unsure as to where this is coming from. You feel the worst of your nausea as he starts to raise you towards the ceiling with you hanging onto his wrists tightly.

“Moon…” you speak warningly, a shot of nervousness streaking through you as the ground grows further away. His only response is a sadistic chuckle, and the delicately crafted facade over your sickness accumulating from over the past few weeks worsens exponentially. Your stomach lurches and you hazard a quick glance down. You’re hanging a good thirty feet above the ballpit and still steadily climbing, and judging by the glint in your captor’s eyes, you’re not going to like where this is headed.

It’s safe to panic now.

“Moon, stop it, that’s enough,” you tell him, voice wavering. After no response, you try again. “Moon, that’s enough, put me down.” Silence. “That’s enough , drop it!”

He stops for a second, grin falling a little before returning full force. “Well, if you insist ,” he laughs darkly.

Your eyes widen and for a moment, nothing happens. Then he yanks your hands off him and lets go, watching you plummet to the ground with sinister glee.

Then, you’re falling.

You think you scream, you can’t tell. You crash into the ballpit right after, but it doesn’t cushion your fall. You hiss immediately on impact, clenching your fists and curling in on yourself. The plastic balls dig into your spine, sending waves of pain throughout your body. Your eyes are squeezed shut and you don’t dare open them lest you see that face looming over you. You do a quick check-over, wiggling your toes and bending your joints weakly. Somehow, nothing is broken, but you can’t tell over the searing pain in your side. You thought it was bad before, but that was nothing compared to now. The dull ache is burning, setting your nerves on fire with as much as a twitch. Your back is in a similar shape, as are your legs.

You don’t know how long you stay like that before Moon’s shadow looms over you from the side of the pit. He makes some stab at you that you don’t really process over the ringing in your ears. Existing hasn’t taken such a toll on you before. His voice still carries into the white noise. You manage to get your mouth moving again and whisper, voice crackling, “Knock it off, Moon.”

Unsurprisingly, he doesn’t let up on his teasing, and you vaguely register his response. “Oh, poor little worker can’t take a tumble. Too weak to pick yourself back up again? Not that I see much of a difference. You’ve always got your head down, ballpit or that desk you laze at. Best to let the ‘bucket of bolts’ do the work, hm ?”

You say nothing, not finding the idea of lifting your head and entertaining his little act worth it in your state. You remain limp in the ballpit, knees hugged to your chest in fetal position.

You hear him step closer to you, and jerk slightly when blue digits dig into your shoulders to pull you up. A cry of pain erupts from you at the fingers embedding themselves in your shoulder blades. They retract quickly as if burned by a pot sitting too long on the stove, as if this was the first time they’ve ever felt such heat before. Your severe pain and slightly depressive state dissipates momentarily and is instead replaced with white-hot anger that threatens to bubble over.

You slap his hand away and shout, “It’s not funny, Moon, knock it off! ”

He freezes, hands twitching in the air. His optics flicker, narrowing as he reaches back out to capture you once out. You smack his wrist again and ignore the added pain of striking metal.

You stagger out of the ballpit, standing on shaky legs. You don’t give him a chance to speak before you start up again.

“What the hell is wrong with you, man? You dropped me from 50 feet up, I could’ve died ! What did I even do to you?”

His faceplate turns in a silent half-rotation before he shrugs.

Oh no he did not .

You explode, gesturing wildly as his simple movement spurs you on. “So what, you just don’t like me and decided to fucking throw me off the balcony like some- some doll for you to mess around with?! Pfft, yeah sure, that makes sense! Let’s just drop someone from 40 feet ‘because we don’t like them’! Wow, Moon, I can see how you guys got your position with that logic !”

“Oh wait! ” you spin around sharply, a manic grin on your face that seems to twist every meek and modest feature on your face as you continue on. “That’s why I’m here! Because for all your hard work, Management still decided to shove me into this hellhole! And it doesn’t mean much, it’s Management, they don’t mean anything, but hey , guess what? I never wanted to be here, but surprise-surprise, no one wants to hire a nobody who didn’t push through their degree except a shady company with a world record in OSHA violations and an even bigger death toll! So here I am, getting paid 30 dollars an hour to deal with your ungrateful asses for five hours a day, not to mention the ridiculous amount of unpaid overtime of three to five EXTRA hours I dedicate to this sorry place, all without a single day off in the past six months that I have worked here, each of which have been filled with your non-stop harassment and shitty attitude, which for some bizarre reason I haven’t reported yet! So why, pray tell, have you been dead set on punishing me for a crime I have yet to commit? What did I even do to you?”

It’s a trap. Moon knows it’s a trap, but he refuses to let you get away with such slander on his turf. He rolls his eyes and huffs, “ Oh, please , you aren’t nearly as victimized as you make yourself out to be. You slack off during playtime while Sun handles everything, you’re constantly snoozing away at your desk unless you oh-so graciously decide to grace us with a moment of your time, and sometimes you don’t even show up at all. I think we have much more of a right to type up a report than you ever will.”

Alright, that’s it- “Oh, really ? Alright, buster, don’t give me that shit, I know damn well what I’m worth. For the record, I do play with the kids - which, if I may remind you, is not in my job description- until sweet lil Sunny starts giving me a death stare for daring to intrude on his precious playtime. And I do pitch in around here, just as much if not MORE than you do! Guess what, cheesehead? I clean the ballpit. I order the food, I buy the supplies, bring the books, put the kids toys back together, organize a monthly schedule AND deal with your sorry asses, so don’t be telling me how to do my job, got it ? And don’t start up about my breaks, cuz, huh , I wasn’t aware that a two minute break in the place of an hour’s worth of free time was against my contract! I take time off when I know I’m not needed so that I don’t keel over and leave you to deal with over 40 kids! And even with that, I’ve still never taken an actual sick day off the entire time I’ve worked here because I know this is how you’ll react! When was the last time I didn’t show up to work, huh?”

Moon is swift with his reply, almost anticipating the question. “Last month, you took nearly two weeks off without telling your supervisors,” he states triumphantly, as if this had somehow won him the argument.

Oh, this absolute idiot .

His victorious grin falls slightly at your disbelieving laughter. “Two weeks?! I’ve been working here for six months and you’re hung up on two weeks ?! I’ll have you know that I did tell my supervisors-which you are not , by the way- that I would be out on unpaid sick leave. And I know they didn’t tell you about it because I knew exactly what would happen, and it did! I thought you could respect it and let it go , but apparently not, cuz you can’t handle not sticking your obnoxiously pointed nose up someone’s business! And now I’m the nosy one!” Your voice grows louder, and you throw your arms out with a wide, dangerous gleam in your eyes.

“You wanna know where I was? Why I was gone? Well guess what, Craterhead, I was in the hospital making sure my brother didn’t drop dead ! I had to make sure he didn’t flat line halfway through a surgery !”

Oh.

Oh no.

Moon’s eyes widen, regret flickering across his face for a second. He takes a small step back, retreating as you advance. A jab to the chest pulls him back to the present, and his optics narrow.

“But you don’t care about any of that, do you? All you care about is your stupid reputation and oh no, Sunny and Moony can’t have a human ruining everything, because that’s all this meatbag knows how to do! Oh no, poor Sunny and Moony!”

You watch his expression drop like a thermometer exposed to subzero temperatures, red optics pinpricks in a sea of black that threaten to overtake them, contracted pupils tensed like a rubber band about to snap. A spark of something, perhaps vindication, ignites within you, overshadowing the voice in the back of your mind that quietly warns you of what to come, to back down before it’s too late.

A pity your brother isn’t here to hold you back.

Your voice drops dangerously low for a moment, a deathly whisper that somehow seeps fear into Moon’s systems more than your uncontrolled rage.“I bet you tried to break me, didn’t you, wanted to see me all battered and bruised with my tail tucked between my legs as I ran out of this godforsaken place. Oh, don’t act so surprised, we both knew you never liked me. You never liked me or the idea of someone coming along to jeopardize your position, your life’s purpose, the only thing you have ever been good for, and so you pushed, even when I went along with all your orders, all your demands and your stupid checkpoints and your stupid, stupid rules, pushed and pushed and pushed until I couldn’t take it anymore, and here we are. Well, no more ! You knew there was a breaking point, you both did. Well, here it is, the final straw! Your hard work finally paid off, you’ve made me even more miserable than before, and for what? Is this what you wanted, Moon, Sun? Are you finally satisfied? ”

Moon is still in front of you, hands drawn to his chest, pupils watching fat drops roll down your cheeks and leave stained rivers on your skin as you smile that angry, heartbreaking, defeated smile that cuts through their wires like glass shards, words stabbing through his central processors and sending a jolt through them both. He wants to respond, wants to say something clever and leave you sputtering and defeated, but nothing comes to mind. He always has a retort, a comeback, a witty remark or a snarky comment to make you bend to their will, and yet this time he’s the one left grasping for straws. He’s speechless, voicebox pushing out low static as he struggles to formulate a reply. You don’t give him the time to, resuming with a steady confidence they’ve never seen in you before. This is a side of you that is unfamiliar to them. They don’t quite know what to make of it, and so they stay unwillingly silent as you answer your own question with an air of finality.

“No, you’re not. And I’ll tell you why. This perfection that you’ve tried so hard to pin down? Hate to break it to you, buddy, but perfect is something even machines can’t accomplish, no matter how advanced or well-built they think they are. It never will be. You and Sun both think you’re oh-so-great and so far above lil ol’ me and my stupid human brain, but I think you forget that you’re just as bad as I am. I’ve seen the daycare reviews, boys, and trust me, they are not pretty. Our sweet little ball of Sunshine scared kids so bad with his pushiness that a good deal of them just didn’t come back, and you? Oh, you scared the shit out of kids, didn’t you? You left them shivering in their sleeping bags in fear of the very thing that swore to protect them.

“So tell me”- you tilt your head, smile growing sickeningly sweet as your eyes squint upwards, hands poised together as you punctuate every syllable that leaves your lips - “What exactly do you think gives you any authority over me? How do you think you can protect anyone from me when you can’t even protect them from yourself?”

You let the words hang in the air for a moment, the manic grin not leaving your face as you turn around to sweep over the daycare after the prolonged eye contact with burning red optics begins to sting your eyes.

“But hey!” you call out behind you with a laugh like shattered glass left on cold tile. “Don’t take my word for it. I’m just the dumb worker you had to boot cuz you didn’t want someone to steal the spotlight.”

You whip back around to give a final comment before catching a glimpse of Moon. His pupils are near non-existent, eyes dark and empty. His static grin is too wide, fingers too sharp, curling and uncurling. You freeze, words cutting to a halt, and you swear his grin grows wider.

“ R̶̻̘̃͂̈́͋́ ̶̢̛͇̠͔̤̥͉̜̖̫̰̬̬̝̓͛̾̅̓̑̌́͆̅̇̿̎͂̈́͘̕͠Ǘ̸̡̻͖̅̄̄̚ ̵͖̱͕̫̋̈́̀́͊̇̐̀̒̒̋͑̅̀͗̊́́̚̕͝N̵̘̰͓̹̖̘̦̪͂̓̎̅̊̀͘̕͜ ̶̡͕̙͖̟͍̼͙̠̺̹̦̘̙̘̠̏̾̿̏̂͜ͅ," he growls.

It sends a chill up your spine, dousing your anger in fear. You don’t waste time waiting for him to start chasing. You’re already booking it across the Daycare and to the exit.

You’re maybe 10 paces in when you hear him behind you, wire clicking and shooting him to the ceiling. You know it’s a losing battle, he could easily take you if he wanted to. He doesn’t though, not yet. It’s the chase he’s after.

You dare not turn to check behind you, instead running blindly in hopes of somehow managing to hide. Your logical reason tells you to just leave, but it’s drowned out by pure instinct to run, get away, danger-

Moon has a severe advantage and you both know it. He knows the area. Still, you foolishly blunder on, making a hard right that almost makes you trip before you stumble back up again. You’re lucky he doesn’t do this more often because man you are out of shape. He hasn’t chased you since the first two months, you’d thought these games were behind you.

You wheeze as you bump into a wall, barely managing to dodge a wet floor bot. You can’t keep this up much longer. Your heart’s been kicked into overdrive, beating at a rate you know isn’t normal. Distantly, pain tingles in your elbow, muffled by the adrenaline pulsing through you. You’re surprised you haven’t bumped into any of the GlamRocks. They may not like you, but it’s better than this.

Maybe they’re patrolling different floors? They could be charging.

All at the same time.

Yeah…

You skid to a sudden stop. You were just here, weren’t you? Ugh, these hallways all looked the same. Your eyes dart around wildly, spotting the familiar Daycare entrance. The faces of golden statues are smiling down at you.

You can’t recall a time where that’s happened to you before.

Your eyes dart around for some place to hide, landing on a closet. You hear jingling bells in the distance.

You silently pray there aren’t any spiders before shutting yourself inside, leaving the door open just a crack for a sliver of light.

It’s not a terribly big closet. There’s maybe enough room for you to stand upright. You sit with your knees tucked under your chin, eyes never leaving the door. Just in time. The wire descends and detaches, two feet coming into view. They pad softly on the cold tile, making no noise as he prowls for his prey.

A shadow in front of the door.

You hold your breath, freezing and throwing a hand over your mouth.

A pause.

His attention is shifted elsewhere. He grumbles and stalks off, leaving you in the dark.

You wait maybe thirty seconds for the footsteps to grow silent before exhaling softly and taking stock of your situation. You’re stuck in a broom closet at work and the only other worker here tonight just left.

Not that Moon would be of any help , you thought bitterly. He just wants you out of the way.

You can’t really blame him for that , though, can you ?

The thought almost sets you off the edge, but you reign yourself in, letting go of a self-deprecating laugh and wiping the tears that form in the corners of your eyes. It doesn’t help. New ones replace them and you let your hands fall back into your lap.

No. No, you couldn’t blame them for it. You invaded their space and made a mess of things. You have a habit of doing that.

That’s why you left, after all. You couldn’t handle messing that up , either.

A shaky sob escapes you, and you press your palms to your eyes to stop the flow of tears trickling down your face. You need this job, you can’t lose it. If you lost it, you’d have no other options. You’d be out of house and home, and then what? Go back with your tail tucked between your legs?

No. You couldn’t go back.

What other choices did you have?

It didn’t matter, anyway. At the end of the day, nothing would change. You were still you, and something always goes wrong no matter what you do. Didn’t matter how hard you tried or how fair it was, it’s always the same.

Sometimes you wonder if everyone would’ve been better off had your brother been an only child.

A soft buzzing in your pocket snaps you out of your episode. You fish your phone out in surprise. That’s right, you’d put it there after this morning. It vibrates in your hand, the caller ID flashing across the screen. It’s your mother. You stare at it dumbly, making no move to answer it. You’re half tempted to just let it ring till she gives up and drops it as always, but…

You need something to keep the quiet at bay right now.

Swiping to start the call, you hear shuffling over the static and put the speaker close to your ear. A short “hello?” is heard and repeated as she tries to figure out how to use the brick in her hand.

The act is familiar and you manage a watery smile. “Hi, mom.”

“Can you hear m-oh, good, you’re there. Your brother said you messaged him this morning and we just wanted to check in.” Her tone shifts. “You okay there?”

You don’t think you can pull off pretending that you’re fine at the moment. You sniffle into the receiver, curling further in on yourself. “I’m okay, I just…I just had a bad day at work.”

“Oh, sweetheart…”she sighs, and you wince slightly, not really feeling up to whatever questions she has to ask. “You wanna talk about it?”

You shake your head before remembering that you’re on the phone, instead muttering a quiet ‘no’ into the speaker. She stays uncharacteristically silent on the other side of the line, her subtle shifting of the phone the only indicator that she’s still on the call. You know she wants to pry further, force an answer out of you. Sometimes, you almost wish she did, wish she pushed just a bit harder so you could finally break and let it all out.

She doesn’t this time though, puttering out a soft sigh. “Well…alright. Just remember, we’re always here if you need us. Your brother’ll probably check on you anyway, you know how he gets. Just don’t let him burn the building down for your sake.”

A wet snort slips past you before you catch it, imagining your anarchist brother expressing his rage against the machine and corporate capitalism by burning down a rip-off Chuck-E-Cheese. You didn’t think your mother was capable of creating an image like that, either. She hadn’t exactly been very invested in either of your interests. You wonder if she’s been taking pointers from your brother.

You wave the thoughts aside, realizing you’ve let the conversation taper off and…

You suppose you can let this phone call end on a higher note. You both sort of need it anyway.

“Thanks, mom,” you whisper coarsely, leaning against the stacked boxes and letting your head fall back.

“Of course, dear. You just call us back when you’re ready. Oh, and try to tag along with your brother sometime, it gets lonely without you there. You were much better at listening to his mechanical jargle than we are.”

You exchange a few more quiet answers before wishing her a good night and hanging up, squinting at your brightly lit phone in the dark space. The time reads a little past 10. Moon’s first round of patrols is likely finished, which means it’s finally safe to leave this cramped compartment.

The door remains shut when you turn the knob.

You try for the handle again, rattling it with greater and greater intensity as your panic begins to build up to no avail. Your hands form fists, soon beginning to bang on the door, eyes wide and breathing erratic. Try as you might, it’s sealed like a tomb, effectively locked inside.

No, no, no , this can’t be happening, not here, not now. You don’t want to be here, don’t want to be in this dark, cramped closet at the end of some forgotten corridor, stashed with all the boxes and cleaning supplies.

Your brother had locked you into a closet once. Flipped the switch on the outside and left you alone to battle the demons you couldn’t see. It had been funny, back then, until you started screaming and begging to be let out.

It wasn’t funny now.

You drop to the floor, hands sliding down the wood to lay limply beside you. You can feel yourself shaking, bones rattling as you tremble. Your lungs burn with the force of the rapid inhale-exhale pattern you struggle to keep stable, your heartbeat pounding at the front of your head. Inhale, exhale, thump, thump, inhale, thump -oh, weren’t you supposed to exhale first- thump -and your heart’s not pumping, you can’t breathe, you need to breathe -

You gasp, head reeling, nails digging into your palms and leaving red marks. You struggle to ground yourself, forcing your eyes to focus on the sliver of light from under the doorframe. You inch back, still trembling lightly, staring blankly at the floor as the cold reality dawns on you.

You’re trapped.

No one is here to save you now.

Aaaaand that's a wrap! Hope yall enjoyed that lil chapter, seems like our y/n's gotten into quite a pickle! It's okay, though, they needed some time to process anyways. Speaking of which, Sun and Moon have a LOT to think about... Not sure when I'll post chapter 9, sorry! I have a couple of short snippets planned out already, but typing and connecting them is a whole other matter, so I dunno when I'll get back to this. Until then, however, I hope this is enough, and unfortunately...

The theater is closed...

#sorry to bother #don't mind me #where the stars don't shine #wtsds #fnaf sun x reader #fnaf sun x y/n #fnaf moon x reader #fnaf moon x y/n #i dunno what other tags to use #also not sure if yall still want me to post the chapters on tumblr or just on ao3 #hmm #guess I'll have to put out a poll abt that

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just-antithings · 8 months

Note

In regards to what a lot of people have observed, Antis like to go on and on about how you shouldn't make NSFW/dark/insert any content they don't like about children's media. Okay. I fundamentally disagree, but I'm not going to argue that. But there's an incredibly disturbing creep of Antis claiming everything is children's media, regardless of the age rating on it. I'm in a 18+ fandom where main characters get dismembered and tortured, but heavens forbid you draw some gory fanart (1/5)

and the children might see, in a fandom not for them anyway! Kids watching ≠ something being intended for them. So why is this label being pushed on everything? It's just another rule to enforce. And Antis ALWAYS go after easier targets--fellow fans, never someone w/real power. They never consider that dark content creators are just expanding upon themes of the original media--and it doesn't matter, because the media is allowed to be gory/sexual/whatever (if not considered "irredeemable") (2/5)

and the fans are not allowed, in their eyes. I just can't understand their cognitive dissonance. This on top of the garbage idea that older people shouldn't be in fandom. Then we're just supposed to watch paint dry since everything is claimed for kids now? This is probably because I'm getting old /s (turning 21 soon) but I'm just so tired of it? Especially the cry of "the fandom's dead, why does no one make content anymore?" Because it can't fit into your shifting standards. (3/5)

The fandom is dead, and Antis killed it. I don't share fandom stuff publicly anymore, but I worry about my friends who still do. When did it become others' problem to parent these Nonexistent Kids that are always used as a scapegoat for vicious harassment? Appropriate taggings, warnings, etc are fantastic. Love em. If someone still chooses to read out of their comfort zone/age range and gets hurt, it's NOT the writer's fault. How did we get to that even being in question? (4/5)

Apologies for the long, rambly rant. (I think I could write a thesis, tbh. Don't tempt me, haha) I feel very passionately about the subject, of course. I'd love to hear thoughts from anyone who wants to share or commiserate, even though I'm definitely just echoing what's been said and experienced before. (5/5)

#mod erin #ask #just anti things #posted without comment #gore mention #torture mention

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triptuckers · 3 years

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Looking at the wrong one - Jesper Fahey

Request: yes! “Firstly, I just want to say I really love your writing! I’ve had this idea for a while and wanting to find someone to write it because I love it so much. So basically reader has feelings for Kaz but he’s obviously in love with Inej so she confides in Jesper who comforts her and she eventually realizes that he’s been the one for her the whole time. I hope you can write it but if you can’t that’s totally fine too!!” Pairing: Jesper Fahey x reader Summary: Jesper is the first person you go to when you need advice about something - or rather, someone. It takes you a while to realise you’ve been sneaking glances at the wrong person. Warnings: none Word count: 2.7K A/N: I loved this request sm!! been busy busy busy lately so sorry if your request is taking a while for me to write, finish and post! enjoy reading :)

You glance over at Kaz while he’s explaining the blueprints laid out in front of everyone. You’re trying to pay attention to what he’s saying, you really are, but it’s hard. It’s hard to focus on what he’s saying when Kaz is the one who’s talking.

There’s no denying it, Kaz looks good. For weeks you tried to push your feelings away, but soon what started as a little crush developed into something more. And now you can barely keep your eyes off of him.

There’s just something about his mysterious aura. The dark hair, sharp jaw, how he never seems to smile - though you did catch him smile once when he thought no one was looking. There’s so much you don’t know about him, and you’re dying to find out.

Apparently, you’ve been staring at Kaz for a little too long, because you feel someone nudging your shoulder, and turn to face them.

‘You know.’ mutters Jesper to you from the corner of his mouth. ‘If you want to talk about it, or just need to rant and have someone listen to you, I’m always here. I’ve heard I’m excellent company.’

‘I have no idea what you’re talking about.’ you say. ‘Do you think we can pull this job of?’

You hoped Jesper wouldn’t ask about Kaz again, and he senses your need to change the subject.

‘We better.’ he says. ‘We can score big with this one.’

Jesper starts talking about what he’s going to do once the job is done, but your eyes are already shifting back to Kaz. You can’t help but to feel a knot in your chest as you see him looking at Inej.

While you’re always looking at Kaz, you catch him looking at Inej.

Inej is one of your closest friends, and you would die for her. Hell, you almost did die for her a couple of months ago. Still, you couldn’t help but to feel jealous of her. Of the way Kaz looked at her.

Whenever Kaz was looking at Inej and you caught him, it didn’t take long for you to fall down a rabbit hole of insecure and jealous thoughts.

You’d think of everything Inej can do that you cannot do. She has a gifts for knives, you know your way around guns, not knives. When she’s sneaking around, she almost becomes one with the shadows, you couldn’t soundlessly sneak up to someone even if you tried.

You always concluded Inej was better than you on more than one aspect. You figured she would be a better match for Kaz than you could ever be. You were ashamed of being so jealous of your friend when all Kaz did was look at her. But no matter how hard you tried, you couldn’t get rid of the jealousy.

After Kaz has rolled up the blueprints and everyone went over the plan one last time, you say your goodnights and all head back to your own rooms. You’re barely aware of your movements as your legs carry you to your room. When you move to open the door to your room, a familiar whistle makes you look up.

‘The offer for some company still stands.’ says Jesper, and he winks at you before entering his own room, next to yours in the hallway.

While Jesper didn’t have Kaz’ gift for coming up with plans, he wasn’t stupid. He had caught you looking at Kaz a couple of times, then decided to speak up. As soon as the opportunity presented himself, he’d taken you apart from the others and confronted you about your staring.

You were shocked, asking him how he could have possible figured it out. Jesper merely raised his eyebrows and told you you’re always looking at Kaz. You hadn’t realised you looked at Kaz so many times. Ever since, Jesper has offered a listening ear. And though you appreciated it, you weren’t ready to talk about your feelings just yet.

As you’re taking your boots off, your mind wanders to Kaz again. And the way he looked at Inej. He didn’t show his feelings that often, but you couldn’t help but notice how soft his eyes were when he looked at Inej. It drove you crazy, and you didn’t like that it did. You felt like you were going to explode if you kept pushing these feelings down any longer. Maybe having someone listen to you didn’t seem like such a bad idea after all.

Not bothering to put your boots back on, you get up and leave your room. You take a few steps to get in front of Jesper’s door. Though it’s not that late and he’s probably still awake, you hesitate. What if he just wanted to be a good friend, but wasn’t actually interested in your thoughts on Kaz?

You sigh and shake your head, clearing your mind. You then raise your hand and knock on the door. After a few seconds it opens, revealing Jesper. He’s taken off his coat and boots, leaving him in just a shirt and a pair of trousers. He smiles when he sees you.

‘I see you do want my company?’ he says. ‘Only if you don’t mind.’ you say. ‘Of course not.’ he says, stepping aside so you can enter his room.

You take a seat in the only chair in the room as Jesper closes the door. He walks over to his bed and sits down as you tuck your feet under your legs, getting comfortable.

‘So.’ says Jesper. ‘Am I problem solving or listening?’

You frown at his words. ‘What does that mean?’ you ask him.

‘Well, it’s the easiest way to prevent a fight.’ explains Jesper. ‘If I’m problem solving, I’ll give you advice and come up with solutions. If I’m listening, I’m just going to shut up and, well, listen. So, am I problem solving or listening?’

‘Listening, I guess.’ you say.

‘Alright.’ says Jesper, leaning back against the wall and stretching his legs in front of him. He gestures with his hand to you. ‘Let it all out then, love.’

You don’t know where to begin. Jesper is patient as you’re searching for the words. Without realising, you start to play with your fingers, a habit of yours which you do when you’re thinking or anxious.

‘It starts... Well, when I became a member of the Dregs, I guess. I was young, but Kaz was around my age. We became close friends. That is, as far as being close friends with Kaz goes. I trusted him, he trusted me. We spent months working our way up to the top and along the way you tagged along, and Inej, Nina, Matthias and Wylan. I care about all of you, but there’s just something different about Kaz.’ you tell him.

Jesper looks at you but doesn’t say anything. He’s just listening, exactly like he said he would.

‘It started off as an innocent crush. Saints, I sound like some school girl. Anyway, somewhere along the way that little crush developed into something more. And now I can’t stop looking at him or thinking about him. And now that I’ve said this out loud, I realise you are the first person I’ve talked to about this.’

You’re silent for a while as you look at Jesper. You were afraid he’d laugh at you, but he’s just sitting on his bed, looking at you.

‘I can tell there’s still something else on your mind.’ he simply says. You let out a sigh and nod, and start talking again.

‘He’s always looking at Inej. Whenever I look at him, he’s looking at Inej. I know I shouldn’t feel the way I do, but I cannot pretend it doesn't make me a little jealous. The first time I saw him looking at Inej, I wished he looked at me like that. I know this sounds stupid, but I really can’t help it. And once I catch him looking at her, I start to think about how I’m not worth it.’ you say.

Now Jesper frowns. ‘But you’re worth it.’ he says. You chuckle softly and shake your head.

‘She’s everything I’m not. She’s pretty, she’s very skilled with her knives, she can sneak up to anyone without being seen or heard. She knows the secrets of everyone in the Barrel. She could take down the Merchant council all on her own if she wanted to. I can’t do that.’ you say.

‘I know I said I was listening, but can I just offer you one piece of advice?’ asks Jesper. You nod. ‘You say you notice the way Kaz looks at Inej, I have noticed that as well. He looks at her the way you look at him. Don’t you think you should try to admit to yourself that he’s only going to be looking at her, and not you?’

‘Deep down I know that.’ you say softly. ‘But I can’t fully wrap my head around that. Not just yet, at least.’

‘Alright.’ says Jesper. ‘Maybe not now, but if you give it time, maybe it’ll hurt less.’

You look at him and smile as you get up. ‘Thank you Jesper.’ you say. ‘This is nice. Having someone listen to you.’

Jesper gets up as well as you walk toward the door. ‘The door’s always open to you.’ says Jesper as he opens the door for you. ‘You can always swing by.’

‘Thanks.’ you say as you step out onto the hallway. ‘Goodnight, Jes.’ ‘Night, Y/N.’ he says as you walk the few steps to the door of your room.

After that conversation, your nightly visits to Jesper’s room increase. Sometimes he’s problem solving, sometimes he’s listening, and sometimes you just sit in silence when all you want is some company.

There’s even one night in which you actually fell asleep when you were sitting on his bed, and when you woke up the next morning, you found Jesper sleeping on the floor while using his coat as a blanket. Your heart melted a little, but you decided not to speak up as you snuck out of his room.

Weeks pass, and slowly your visits turn from seeking advice about Kaz to enjoying a conversation with Jesper. He makes you laugh as he tells you stories about how he used to drive his parents crazy doing god knows what at their farm. In return, you tell him about the life you lived before you came to Ketterdam.

Another couple of visits later, and you’ve almost completely forgotten that you originally started visiting Jesper to talk about Kaz. You notice you’ve stopped sneaking glances at Kaz. You’re not even jealous when you catch him looking at Inej again.

Instead, your attention is on Jesper. More than once, he caught your eye and sent a wink you way, making you smile and turn away.

Your nightly visits increase even more, and you can be found in Jesper’s room almost every night, laughing at his jokes.

After a particularly long night that involved keeping tabs on the security of one of the banks for hours, you find yourself in front of Jesper’s room again. Kaz had sent you out on the job, and you had hoped Jesper would be in his room when you got back.

But after knocking three times, he still hasn’t opened the door. You whistle a familiar tune, hoping he’d answer the door. When he doesn’t, you kick over a tiny tin can that sits on the floor next to the door.

‘So predictable.’ you murmur as you bend down to pick up the key that was underneath it. Knowing Jesper probably wouldn’t mind, you let yourself in and walk over to the only chair in the room.

You let yourself settle in and reach out to take the deck of cards Jesper always keeps on his nightstand.

You’re fooling around with the cards, if only to keep yourself busy as you wait for Jesper. You’re shuffling the cards, moving them smoothly in your hands.

‘Can you teach me that?’

At the sudden voice, you drop half of the cards. You hadn’t seen or heard him coming. Jesper chuckles as he walks over and stands behind you, looking out over the city beneath you.

‘This is my favourite view.’ he says, looking out the window.

‘Mine too.’ you say, while you look at the reflection of his face in the window. You then fully realise you haven’t talked about Kaz in weeks, that you just come to Jesper’s room for a conversation and some company, and you remember the night he slept on the floor.

‘Jes?’ you ask him. ‘Yea love?’ he says. ‘The other night when I was here-’ ‘Care to specify which night?’

‘I fell asleep, and when I woke up you were sleeping on the floor.’ ‘Oh, that night.’ he says. ‘Well, would you rather I had pushed you off the bed?’ ‘No.’ you laugh.

Jesper laughs too and you look at each other in silence afterward. It’s a comfortable silence, and he’s the first one to speak up.

‘You haven’t talked about Kaz in a while.’ he says. ‘Finally realised his heart belongs to someone else?’

‘Yes, well, I realised that so does mine.’ you say. This makes Jesper frown.

‘Already moving on?’ he says. ‘Thought your feelings for him were more serious.’

‘They were.’ you say. ‘But I've found someone who listens to me, who sees me, who makes me laugh.’ you cock your head to the side a little and look at him. ‘Nice to look at, as well.’

Jesper raises one eyebrow.

‘Who is this mystery person?’ he says. ‘And am I problem solving or listening?’ ‘Well I hope you’re gonna do something else.’ you say. Jesper frowns again, making you playfully roll your eyes.

‘Not the smartest tonight, are we?’ you say. ‘Let me repeat it: I've found someone who listens to me, sees me, and makes me laugh. and not bad to look at.’

He’s still frowning. ‘Another hint?’ he says. ‘This is why Kaz does the planning and has the brains.’ you say, laughing.‘Rude.’ says Jesper.

‘It’s a he, and he’s caring and sweet, sometimes struggles to sit still, loves a good gunfight, he’s an excellent shot.’ you say.

Jesper smirks at you and then fakes a look of confusion on his face. ‘Still not getting it.’ he says. ‘Tell me more about him.’

You laugh and get up, standing close to him. ‘He’s not just an excellent shot, he’s the best damn sharpshooter in Ketterdam. Saved my ass a couple times as well. Owns a pair of stunningly hand made revolvers. He’s Zemini, taller than me, and..’ your voice drifts off.

‘And?’ says Jesper, stepping closer to you. ‘And I've been wondering if he’s a good kisser.’ you say softly.

‘Well, let’s find out, shall we?’ says Jesper and he cups your face with both of his hands and presses his lips against yours. They’re soft, and you can taste a hint of his last drink on them. He kisses you gently but passionate, and takes a breath when he pulls away.

‘Hmm.’ you say, pretending to think. ‘Yea, pretty good.’

‘Pretty good?’ says Jesper. ‘I've heard I'm more than a pretty good kisser.’

‘Prove it then.’ you say.

Jesper smirks and pulls you in for a kiss once more. This one is different, it’s more demanding, and leaves you breathless as you struggle to keep your knees from buckling.

He pulls away and rests his forehead against yours. ‘How about that?’ he says softly.

You smile and press a quick kiss to his lips. ‘You live up to your reputation, Fahey.’ you say. ‘You’re an excellent kisser.’

‘Just like I thought.’ says Jesper. ‘Do you want to stay here tonight?’

‘I would love to.’ you say.

You spend the rest of the night talking with Jesper until eventually, you feel yourself falling asleep. You feel how Jesper moves next to you, to take his spot on the floor again. You lay a hand on his arm to stop him, silently telling him it’s okay and that he doesn’t have to sleep on the floor.

Kaz wasn’t the right match for you, Inej is. But Jesper certainly is your match.

A/N: If you want to request something, make sure to read my house rules Here’s the list of characters I write for. Everything that I have written can be found on my masterlist. Please don’t repost my work, as I spend much time and effort on it!! Thank you for reading! Much love, Marit

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somedrunkpirate · 3 years

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learn the dead | Arthur/Eames

Read here on ao3 or continue below Tags: Presumed Dead, First Time, Angst with a happy ending, pining Rating: T Wordcount: 5,4k

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Everything checks out.

The hospital records, the police report, even the fucking local news because, to quote scruffy looking anchor, with a stutter no less, “There has— sn’t been an lethal acc—sident for over ten years on this s—street.”

The information is bare-bones, but that isn’t remarkable for an open and shut case like this: drunk driver meets tree trunk. Happens a thousand times a year, and will continue to happen whether you make a fuss out of it or not. Write down the licence plate, try (and fail) to inform relatives, do the paperwork and get home on time for dinner for once. Simple as pie.

Except. Except Arthur wouldn’t have. He wouldn’t have driven drunk. His stick reaches too far up his ass to do something so utterly reckless in reality.

That thought is what had spurred Eames to begin his search— there had to be something, anything, that could explain the whole bullshit situation. Even if that something is a hit, covered up like an accident. Then at least Eames would have some to blame— Someone to kill.

But everything checks out.

Even that initial discrepancy. Arthur couldn’t have been drunk, but after many phone calls and bribes, Eames had learned what Arthur could have been.

He could have been high.

His last job had been an experimental trial. Not with a chemist Eames knew. An academic who had shit his pants when Eames barged in with a smile as sharp as a knife— and a knife in his hand, of course. Wouldn’t do to be less than intimidating in this case. The chemist had spluttered into a rant Eames had understood half of, so he’d called Yusuf and held the phone up without responding to the cursing at being awoken in the middle of the night. But he’d caught on quickly, started to ask questions Eames wouldn’t have thought to ask. Then more, sharper. With a hiss.

“What is he saying?” Eames had asked, after the chemist had run out of breath.

“Eames—“

The way Yusuf sounded, a sigh more than an utterance. The tone of his voice as it tried to fold in pity— badly. Yusuf was never quite made for compassion. Though the attempt had been enough to haunt Eames’ nightmares since.

“Eames. He’s dead.”

The confirmation had come without fanfare in the end. Eames didn’t even kill the chemist, after. It hadn’t been his fault that the mix Arthur had taken voluntarily turned out to suppress reflexes when tired. Not tired as they would call it— after a rush job, when exhaustion nipped at your heels. Just tired; about to drink a cup of coffee tired. Arthur probably hadn’t even felt any different until it was too late. But it had been raining, and he’d been driving for more than six hours. It was no one’s fault that Arthur had lost control over the vehicle just in front of the only tree in a three mile radius.There had been a rabbit flattened between the car and the bark. He’d probably been trying to save it.

A fucking rabbit.

Eames had hung up on Yusuf without a word. It had been the last time he’d spoken to anyone for a long time.

Except that isn’t quite true.

“Well, darling, you’ve gotten me in quite a pickle.”

The grave doesn’t respond. It never does.

— — — — —

If someone had told him that his reaction to Arthur’s death would be to stand before his grave every day for a month straight, he'd have laughed his lungs out of his chest.

It would’ve been sad, of course, to see such a talented colleague go. He might even have gone on a bender for a week— drinking away the sorrows that come with a lost acquaintance— maybe a friend. But he’d have better things to do than indulge himself for longer than that. He’d been indulging himself with Arthur for far too long, and death should have been the end to it.

Because he had been thinking about it, sometimes, when he was feeling fanciful. You would have had to be blind not to see the chemistry. The push and pull that led to delicious flirtation — as much as Arthur wanted to deny it — and even more delicious dreamsharing. They made each other better and that was honestly the only thing Eames ever looked for, when, if ever, he thought about that nebulous concept of ‘settling down’.

So yes, there would be something more to losing Arthur. Eames had known even then. It was losing that slight hint of potential. Though that is always a treacherous word.

Because he never truly believed he’d make it that far— not just with Arthur, who would’ve laughed even harder if Eames were ever to confess his vague future plans for them — but with life in general. Why plan for something that would be cut short anyway? Even if Arthur could be persuaded to make something out of the spark between them, it would’ve been cruel to do so. Eames knew himself well. He wouldn’t have stopped taking risks, stop wanting more-- craving freedom like a drug. The idea to set Arthur up for inevitable heartbreak had been enough to avoid thinking about practical steps. A fantasy was fine. Eames got paid to live in them. He didn’t get paid for reality.

So, Arthur’s death would of course be sad. But it shouldn’t have been more than another scar on his back— the punishment of the trade he chose, along with a whisper of nostalgia at losing a construct of his imagination. Even he wouldn’t have had the heart to keep the fantasy of a dead man alive for his own entertainment. A week, a few drinks, and it should’ve been over.

It shouldn’t have destroyed him.

“I just never thought I’d be the one left behind, darling,” Eames says to the wet dirt below him. It feels off to tell the headstone itself— the name is fake. Aaron Fister. Arthur had thrown a knife past his head when Eames had shown him the forged papers. To say he regrets the joke now is an understatement.

“In all fairness, it should’ve been you here, it would make more sense for you to fall in love with me, once I’m not there to bother you anymore. Absentia makes the heart go fonder, hmm?”

The dirt seems to be judging him. It’s good that some things never change.

“I know— I know it's hypocritical. I didn’t even— I didn’t even love you. It was just a game. A fun thing to theorise about when the goings got tough. Would you be as snappish if we lived together? Would you forgive me faster if I sucked you off? Would you kiss me goodbye in the airport?” Eames stops himself, and rubs a hand over his face, groaning. “It’s humiliating, darling. I should’ve just gotten off at the thought of you like half of the dreamshare community was doing. Hand on or in their whatever and imagine you moaning next to them. But I had to be pathetic about it. Though this is reaching new heights, I must say.”

He leaves, abruptly sick of himself. He comes back the next day, as always.

Some days, though, Eames doesn’t devolve into confessions that make the little old ladies passing by their lost friend’s grave raise their eyebrows and linger by a random grave to listen anyway.

Some days, Eames is angry.

The first time, he breaks his toe in the process.

“You bloody cunt!” He’s aware that he’s shouting, but he doesn’t stop. “Never experiment alone! Isn’t that what you fucking say to the newbies? You need someone to be a baseline. Someone who can bring you home safe. You fuck. Why didn’t you call me. Why didn’t you fucking—“

Kicking the gravestone had not been his best idea, but the pain of it brings a rush of satisfaction. There is— so much, inside of him. Eames is drowning in it, and the throb in his feet cuts right through it. Clarity. He kicks again.

“You fucking bastard.”

The old ladies have gone from curious to concerned now. Eames hobbles away, hissing, before he gets a restraining order on a grave.

The next day he’s back, a bottle of whiskey in hand, and finds himself apologising.

“I know— I never made it quite clear that you could call me, for stuff like that. That I would pick up. Maybe I wouldn’t have. Or no, I would have, but I might not have bothered for that. The jobs— I knew how to handle you on the job. But outside of that. I don’t think I would’ve had the courage. I wouldn’t think that way then, of course. Convince myself that I’m above errand runs like that. Throw you a bone recommending some up and coming kid I knew or something— intern type, for all that we have those here. But I don’t think I would’ve come. So it isn’t your fault. You made a mistake, not getting back-up, but it isn’t your fault. You didn’t know you had any. And I didn’t dare to believe I could be yours. That you would let me. That it wouldn’t end in disaster.”

Eames leans against the cold stone and sighs. “’Suppose it has, already. Would’ve been too good to have it end any other way.”

— — — — —

When Eames isn’t in a graveyard, or in a bar, he’s in the warehouse.

It had felt too… personal, to get a hotel room for this. To do his research in a living room, as opposed to the dreary, dusty and echoey spaces where most of their professional relationship had flourished. It’s too big for a one-man job, but Eames had managed to fill it up anyway. Boxes upon boxes of information, any trace of Arthur he could find. Every email, record, police report, college paper— printed and archived. Eames can find his way through the documents blind and drunk. Arthur has taken over every nook and cranny of the warehouse— and every nook and cranny of Eames’ mind. Eames has read everything, twice over.

If Arthur had been alive to know, he would’ve killed him.

Because Arthur had always been a private person, for all that he pries in the lives of clients and collaborators both. He was the one who asked the questions and rarely answered them. It had always been a luxury— a rare reward, to be thrown a scrap of information. He’d always said something with that slight subtle smile, like he knew the power his breadcrumbs of personal life held over others. Everyone ravenous for more intel on one of the greatest pointmen of their generation.

How horrible is it then to revel in the mountains of information that Eames had been able to gather after his death. He’d always known he’d had enough pull to find something, and after the inception job he’d had more than enough cash to buy the rest. But he’d never done it; at first because of the wrath that would quickly follow. Then because he’d known it would tarnish Arthur’s trust in him— something he’d wanted to protect at all costs. And then lastly — but maybe from the start — because it was so much more thrilling to learn bit by bit, piece by piece. To earn his knowledge of Arthur, and to ensure that his curiosity would never run out. He’d become slightly addicted to the feeling.

But now, with no one left to tell, it had only taken the excuse of the suspicious circumstances of his death for Eames to turn into the hoarder he’d always known he could be. It had gotten to a point where new packages arrived every so often— criminals even beyond dreamshare having caught wind of an individual willing to invest heavily on any information. Someone had even hacked the pentagon to get classified documents. From the message on the box, the hacker thought they were helping a spy of some kind. Eames had sent him enough bitcoin to blow wind in the direction of that particular fire hearth of urban legend. He’d rather have people think there is a whole network of people digging into this, than anyone realising it’s in truth only one pathetic man.

So Eames drinks. Eames talks to a grave. And Eames reads. It only takes him two boxes until Arthur makes him laugh for the first time since the car crash. It was due to a spirited essay on the importance of open source information that was clearly written to spite the professor leading the course, who’d been forced to give it an A+ regardless. Eames had chuckled, imagining the self-righteous satisfaction of this young Arthur as he got his grade back, and then began crying. Not to grieve the loss of a future he hadn’t realised how much he wanted, as is his wont, these days. But from the unfairness of it all. That a person like this, who had so much to say in this world, should’ve been taken so early, and in such a meaningless way.

Arthur would’ve denied it, but Eames knows he’d only be content with a death from sacrifice . He’d shown that side of him clearly when he jumped into Cobb’s mess headfirst and without hesitation. If Arthur had died from a bullet taken for Cobb, Ariadne, or maybe even Eames, he would’ve been at peace— or as much as you can while bleeding out.

Eames had known that, but as he learns more and more of Arthur, he realises how true it is. How, despite everything, Arthur cannot stop himself from being a silent hero. There are so many instances where Arthur, behind the screens, helps someone. Whether it was connecting the right people to each other under the mum of a potential project, or taking jobs way below his pay grade because he sympathised with the client, Arthur did not let their line of work destroy the possibility to be kind, every once in a while.

It’s not like he advertised it. He didn’t do it in a way people would recognize his actions— which was smart, as it could be seen as a weakness in their circles. But whenever the chance came along, even if it was to his own detriment, Arthur chose the rough road home if it would ease someone else’s way.

And this, Eames realises, is the secret to his competency. All other pointmen are expert researchers through and through, but no one had the reach Arthur had. Arthur knew everything, and if he didn’t know, he knew someone who knew— and most importantly, someone who would tell him. Eames doesn’t even know if Arthur ever realised that it was his kindesses, in and out the community, which led him into such a position of power. His actions are too random and inconsistent to be a strategic scheme to build an empire. Some of his biggest successes are results of a nicety five or ten years ago, something that he might have forgotten doing, but the people receiving it definitely haven’t.

On the surface Arthur had been known as cool and effective— someone with a distance to the rest of the world that resulted in a highly detailed overview of any situation, even if it brought a side of professionalism to even the most informal of interactions. The people who witnessed a more casual side of him were few and far in between, but even those came away with the impression that to Arthur, doing the job in the best way possible was the only drive to his actions.

No one had seen every little thing he did that had no other reason at all besides that he could do them for someone.

Eames maps out everything on the walls of the warehouse. And when he stands back to take it all in, he realises that more than anyone, the person Arthur had silently helped was him.

Everything he’d done for Cobb had been grand and obvious, but more out of loyalty to Mal and her children than kindness without any other motivation. And Ariadne’s training had been as much for the inception job than for herself— maybe introducing her to the life hadn’t been a kindness at all. Continuing after could be seen as one, even if you could argue that her honing her raw talent would directly result in better and more stable dreams in later jobs.

But Eames— what Arthur had done for Eames—

Eames can’t think of a single reason besides just being plain nice.

Because it hadn’t been like he needed to. Eames had made him very clear that he’d be down for almost any job Arthur put in front of him. Just him being himself had always been enough, he didn’t need to do him any favours to persuade him like everyone else did.

And maybe Arthur had gotten the memo, because he’d done Eames favours without ever telling him, and those you can’t pay back. Eames had no idea the reason he got out of that trouble in Chicago was because Arthur bailed him out— it was presented to him as a procedure mistake. And then there was the Telula job, with an extractor-architect team Eames had wanted to work with for ages, but the chemist they’d been looking to hire was someone from Eames’ not so smooth first years of dream-share and he’d almost cut out of the job to not be forced to confront that past. That was until the chemist suddenly dropped out with an offer he couldn’t refuse— an offer Arthur had been behind.

There were so many things like that. Little things, small things— warehouses next to Eames’ favourite restaurants; nuggets of information given anonymously through the channels of dreamshare gossip to hit Eames’ ears right on time before a betrayal; a job a week delayed because of Eames’ mother’s funeral.

It’s not like Eames had been the only one, but he was by far the most frequent of all of them. More and more so over the years, like Arthur had been finding more reasons to be nice to him, while Eames had still been stuck in his pathetic imaginations, blind to what was already in front of him.

A friendship.

He’d been so preoccupied with his own flights of fancy, that he only realises how close they had been all this time until it was too late to experience it. Too late to thank Arthur for everything he’s done.

The agony of it— the longing. His heart thundering with the sudden need to have Arthur in his arms, alive and real and—

“Oh god. I love him.”

Eames drinks until he can’t remember. He manages to avoid the grave for a little while, but he doesn’t last long. Inevitably he’s pulled back to the grave yard, whiskey in hand, ready to talk to the love he lost again.

— — — — —

His cemetery routine— because he has one of those now — is usually to be at the grave around noon. Late enough to roll out of bed reasonably comfortably after a long night of drinking and/or reading, but early enough for there to be time left to check the new documents coming along and pay the right people before they send thugs to his hideout.

But this time the afternoon light shines golden over the rows and rows of headstones and Eames shivers in the Autumn breeze. The old ladies are all dressed in fur coats. He recognizes some of them, and wonders if they noticed he was gone. None of them greet him as he passes, so he assumes not.

Eames takes another sip of his bottle, allowing his feet to lead him over the familiar path up the hill, and then he drops his bottle all together.

A man is standing before the grave.

Tall, hunched a little in the wind. Long coat and thick black beanie. Nondescript. Anonymous.

He does not turn as Eames nears.

“You’re late.”

Eames’ hand is on his gun at the first syllable, but before he can put it on his temple a leather gloved hand snatches it from his fingers. The clip ejects with a decisive click.

Arthur gives him an unimpressed look. “Don’t be dramatic. We don’t need a scene.”

His face— a little gaunt. His eyes— tense, intent, darker than they should be. Eames doesn’t recognize the coat. But he’s there, pressed in close to hide the gun between their bodies. His breath— warm, hits Eames’ cheek. It isn’t— It can’t. He can’t be breathing because he’s—

Eames squeezes his eyes shut and thinks of metal against the palm of his hand, the smell of gunpowder.

A sigh falls between them. “It won’t work. This isn’t a dream, Eames.”

The hell it isn’t. “Experimental somacin, three levels.”

Raised eyebrows shouldn’t be audible only through speech. “Do you remember how you got here?”

Eames opens his eyes and says, “Deep immersion dream.”

Arthur huffs at that. “Do you really think they’ve been keeping you under for years? Fine. When have you last lost memories?”

Oh, that’s easy. “Two days ago.”

There is a pause, and Eames hates the fact that he can see the exact moment of tension in Arthur’s jaw that signals him suppressing a question. It’s too detailed, too precise, too re—

“Later,” Arthur murmurs under his breath, almost to himself. Like later is a given between them. He seems frustrated. His eyes keep flicking to the side and his hand hovers near Eames’ arm, like he’s trying to keep himself from hurrying Eames along and is annoyed that Eames is stalling them.

“I’m sorry darling,’” Eames drawls, “but in case it has escaped your notice: we are having this discussion on your fucking grave, so forgive me for being reasonably sceptical about the reality of this situation.”

Arthur breathes out a deep sigh, clenched teeth. “Eames, think about it, is there any forger you know capable of forging me in a way you can’t see through it? Or for that matter, is there anyone who would dare to try steal from the fucking person who invented the craft?”

No. The answer is no. It hits Eames with a muffled weight. He wonders what his face is doing, but whatever it is, Arthur responds to it with a curt nod. It suddenly strikes Eames as absurdly hilarious, in the way only the most traumatic experiences can.

“You know, complimenting me really doesn’t help with the reality argument. Never mind doing it twice. Death changed you, darling.”

Arthur stills in the middle of putting the clip back in Eames’ gun. There is the slightest flicker of his lips, and he huffs. “Maybe it did— can I trust you not to shoot yourself the moment I hand this back?”

“Come on now Arthur,” Eames says, “Don’t be so dramatic.”

And there— there it is. Arthur rolls his eyes as he presses the gun into Eames’ waiting hands, and a part of Eames’ breaks with it. Still muffled, still numb, but something is lumbering closer. He can almost hear its laboured breaths.

“There you are,” Eames says, smiling. “You don’t know how much I missed that.”

It is a miracle he doesn’t choke on the words.

“Glad to be remembered for something,” Arthur is saying, and now he’s pushing Eames— gently but with intent, away from the grave. “And I’d like to keep it that way, so we need to talk before your insatiable curiosity ruins everything I worked for.”

Eames doesn’t know if it's the words, or the press of Arthur’s hand against his back— barely sensable beneath all the layers but even the slightest hint of pressure sets him alight— but all at once everything falls into place.

“You faked your death.”

“Have you always been this slow on the uptake?”

Eames barely hears him. Reality is roaring and there is space for nothing else. Arthur isn’t dead. Arthur isn’t dead. They’re standing on Arthur’s grave— an empty grave. A lie. A trick. He’s been fooled because Arthur isn’t dead, he’s right here. He’s touching him because he isn’t—

Arthur isn’t. He isn’t.

He’s alive.

Eames doesn’t say anything the rest of the way to wherever. If Arthur speaks, he doesn’t strain to listen. Because Arthur isn’t dead and if he hears anything at all he’s either going to scream or kick the shit out of him just like he did on that stupid fucking grave— just to check that this one isn’t made of stone but flesh and blood and he is alive.

His fists hurt from clenching by the time they enter a hotel room. Something of the turmoil must have reached Arthur because he’s gone quiet. The roar lets off the very moment the door clicks closed and Arthur stands before it, uncertain, almost as if he regrets closing off his only exit. His expression is one Eames knows very well— preparing himself for a fight he saw coming too late. But he isn’t reaching for his gun. He just stands there.

He’s just waiting to take it.

Eames kisses him.

He’s alive, he’s alive, he’s—

A heartbeat feels more real when it’s underneath your lips. A pulse against a jaw— up, up to feel breath against breath. To hear the rush of it— a hitch of— of surprise.

Strength— dead people don’t have strength and Arthur is pushing him so he can’t be dead.

“Eames—“

Alive, alive, alive.

“Eames! Wait!”

Eames pushes closer. He places his forehead against Arthur’s, presses them both against the door. Arthur isn’t pushing him away anymore but his hands are still on his chest. Eames wonders if he can feel the beat of his heart. He hopes, quietly insane for a moment, that Arthur will never forget to make his heart beat as long as he is feeling one. As long as he’s given an example on how to live.

“Eames,” Arthur says. A word, a question, a name. All in one. His eyes are wide. Breathing heavy— breathing, breathing, breathing— and he’s flushed. Sharp cheekbones stained red. Lips wet.

Eames’ hands move of their own accord and cradle each side of Arthur’s face.

“Let me, darling. Just let me.”

Arthur breathes again.

Eames trembles, trying to hold himself back. Trying to breathe. But one more moment and he will collapse and he can’t— he can’t risk it. He can’t risk losing another chance. He needs this as much as he needs Arthur to be alive. He needs to stop regretting not having done this when he could and now he can again and how can he let this undeserved second chance slip through his fingers. He has to. Please. He has to.

Arthur’s mouth falls open. “Eames. Eames, it’s okay. You don’t have to— You don’t have to beg. It’s okay.”

“Let me, Arthur,” Eames repeats, “Let me.”

Arthur lets him.

Arthur lets him do everything.

— — — — —

It’s after when Arthur whispers, “I didn’t know.”

His head is on Eames chest, moving ever so slightly when he breathes. In and out. Eames has his fingers tangled in his hair. The strands slip away when Arthur turns around to look up at him.

“I didn’t know,” he says again. There is a rasp in his voice and his eyes are wet. Eames has never been apologised to like this before. Arthur sounds as if he believes sorry would be an insult, the word too small to encompass his regret. There is guilt there, in the flush of his cheeks, and the way he can’t seem to hold eye contact. His pupils flickering, microscopic twitches of shame.

Sometimes he’d dream of this. Arthur’s return. A fantasy, a different one, yet still addictive like a drug. He’d expected to be angry, to want to spill his pain onto Arthur’s feet and watch him try and walk through it; burn in it. A stimulation of the magmatic life Eames has been living since his death.

But now, face to face with an Arthur who is alive, Eames doesn’t want any of it.

So he leans down, and kisses Arthur on the forehead, like a benediction, trying to extract the regret from his face. And he tells him, honest in a way he’s learned to be in the last scant weeks, “I didn’t either, darling.”

Arthur doesn’t relax, but there is something about his misery that is easily pushed to the side for curiosity.

Eames smiles at him and continues. “You were— you were a fantasy. A what if. Something amusing to think of when I was bored, or something life saving to dive into when reality drew a knife and stabbed me with it— literally, sometimes. But it was always a fantasy. An escape. It— it couldn’t have become real, if you’d given it a chance back then.” Eames takes a breath, shakes his head.

Arthur reaches up with a hand, frowning, but he doesn’t interrupt.

“But the trouble is, darling, it is incredibly hard not to fall in love with you the more I learn about you.” Eames smiles under his finger tips. “That is what changed. You never let me learn you. But who is to stop anyone from learning the dead?”

Something flickers over Arthur’s face— guilt, again, but different. “I didn’t know you wanted to learn about me— I thought you only gave a fuck about what I could be for you.”

Eames lays his hand over Arthur’s. “You’re right. I was blind— too blinded by the possibilities and too selfish to do anything about it. Maybe I needed to lose you in order to learn how to see .”

“No— No I should’ve,” Arthur shakes his head sharply. “I should have told you. There would’ve been another way without— How long have you been drinking?”

“Don’t ask questions you don’t want the answer to darling.”

“Eames.”

Arthur takes his hand off and moves off of Eames’ chest, sitting up straight. Eames follows him, struck by a sudden vision of Arthur slipping out of bed— out of his life, dogged by misplaced guilt and regret. He curls his hands around Arthur’s wrists, as gently as he can. Don’t trap him. Don’t chase him away.

“No. It’s fine. We’re fine,” Eames hurries to say. “Why would you tell me? I was a colleague at best, bane of your existence at worst. I had— I have no right—“

“I should have told you because I did know you,” Arthur interrupts him. “I was supposed to know. You said possibilities? I am supposed to be the one who sees them— all of them. I’m the one who has to prepare for all scenarios, know the players, do the research and put the pieces together. That is what I do, Eames. And I missed something.” Arthur takes a shuddering breath, looking forlorn and tired. “I’m so sorry for missing the most important part.”

“You can’t apologise for missing something that wasn’t even really there yet.”

“Yes, I can. I’m sorry for missing our potential. For underestimating us. Underestimating you.” Arthur laughs. “I’m so fucking stupid. I thought you kept searching for me out of— curiosity. Or that I fucked up, left a trail somewhere and you wanted to prove to me that you found it, you figured it out. Fuck. I never thought it was because you missed me.”

“I did,” Eames says, and it almost chokes him. “Every day.”

Arthur looks at him then, eyes flicking to the side, his hair covering half of his face, but his smile is visible. “You know, I did too. That’s why I knew you were looking for me. Kept tabs on you, even though I’d promised myself I wouldn’t.”

Eames swallows at the sight— at the hope it instills in him. Arthur let him, yes. It could have been a kindness. But this smile, shy and bashful, and the words that follow it. Maybe potential comes in twos. “I didn’t keep looking because I missed you,” Eames tells him, because he has no time for secrets anymore, no time for regret, for either of them. “I kept looking because I couldn’t accept it. I couldn’t bear it. Darling.” Eames slips his hands from Arthur’s wrists and puts them on either side of Arthur’s face instead, bracketing the smile. “You’re my future. You couldn’t be dead.”

“I’m not,” Arthur tells him, like a confession of his own. “I’m not dead, Eames.”

“Good.” Eames pulls him in closer, and Arthur lets him. He lets him trace the smile with his thumbs, lets him breathe close against his mouth and whisper, “Next time darling, when decide to you kill yourself. Kill me too.”

The grin that blooms doesn’t fit between Eames’ fingers, so he kisses Arthur instead. Deep, possessive. Loving. Arthur lets him, and he never stops.

#arthur/eames #fanfiction #fanfic #inception #inception fic #inception fic rec #arthur/eames fic #dreamhusbands #dreamhusbands fic #im back to writing?#honestly from all the wips and ideas that i have #no clue why this one ended up being the first #but i like how it turned out

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the-bat-collector · 3 years

Text

SUPERBAT Rec List!! AU NO POWERS ish PART 1

I love NO POWERS NO CAPES AUs but its been so hard to find them!! so decided to make this list to help y’all in your search :D

The length varies, but I prefer long fics so most of these are 10-20k up to 200k

Heart and Soul by Pandamomochan

E - 150,044

Clark Kent used to be a renowned composer who was said to be able to write masterpieces that were designed uniquely for each individual player. Famous musicians around the world would flock to him in hopes that he would write for them because his pieces were always said to bring out any player's crowning performance. That is, until one day Clark loses his wife in a tragic accident and decides never to write again.

Years later, Clark's son, Jon, gets admitted to the famous "Gotham School of Performing Arts". It is there that Clark meets Bruce Wayne, a strict, uptight, by the book piano instructor who is said to be able to craft the best musicians around the world.

this is one of my favorites. I'm not really into Hurt/Comfort but this is so beautiful!! highly recommended I'm biased cause I play the piano

Seeing Bruce Wayne by Evilpixie

E - 15,089

Clark Kent is the only male midwife working in Metropolis General. Bruce Wayne the residential pediatric surgeon.

I'm so into medicine/doctor AUs this is also one of my favorite fics!if you have to pick one from this list, pick this one!!!

On The Cusp by vesper_house

E - 47,378

Clark's life isn't going so well. He's in his thirties, he works at a coffee shop run by his old crush, his journalism career is going nowhere, and he's broke. It takes only one tall, dark and handsome stranger to change everything.

COFFE SHOP AU COFFESHOP AU!! We need more of these, the dynamic between Bruce and Clark is Great!!!!

A Game You Can't Win by NightFoliage

T - 78,328

Injustice is the hottest MMORPGs available to play! Set in a world where superpowers exist, players can become civilians, heroes, villains, and anybody in-between. Designed by Hiro “Toyman” Okamura, and Timothy Drake-Wayne, Injustice was created with the best Wayne Industries technology available and has the most human NPCs. The game is beyond it's time and is planned to be at the top of the charts for a while.

By accident, Clark finds himself pushed into the spotlight and new found fame. To him, Let’s Plays are a means to stay in touch with friends and to make money. He never got into LPing to become famous.

Bruce, who funded the game after Jason’s accident, is irritated (not jealous) that a video game player is such a big topic among the kids. After the nth time they mention him, Bruce decides to take matters into his own hands and see what all the fuss is about.

link to art

ONE OF MY FAVORITE SUPERBAT FICS OUT THERE!!!!!! this is great and fun and Clark is the best!

As We Grow by butterflyslinky

E - 23,451

Clark Kent is a farmer deep in debt to Lex Luthor.

Bruce Wayne is a billionaire with seven children and no luck in love.

But their families have a scheme to get them together and hopefully make life a little bit better.

Modern Medicine by BuckinghamAlice

G - 5,208

Pediatrician Dr. Clark Kent becomes beloved to his patients, the Wayne boys... as well as to their doting father Bruce.

ABSOLUTELY lovely and adorable, you get the feels!

Hellooooo, nurse! by weirdraccoon INCOMPLETE WIP

T - ?????

Clark enjoys his job at the Free Clinic. He loves helping people and tending injuries. Saving lives. But this man... Bruce Wayne is going to kill him if he doesn't get killed first.

Bruce is still Batman on this one but HERE ME OUT, Clark is a nurse! is incomplete but looking forward to the following chapters!!

Two Cities by EllenD

E - 96,152

Clark Kent, is simply Clark Kent, junior reporter for the Daily Planet who moved to Metropolis from Smallville with big dreams. Bruce Wayne is a billionaire playboy from Gotham, who also happens to be Batman. They meet, date, and fall in love, though not without hurdles because mild-mannered Clark is also socially awkward as heck. But when the most dangerous criminals in Gotham are gunning for Batman, Clark gets caught in the middle of it all. (He's basically Batman's Lois Lane) Meant to be set in the Dawn of Justice movie universe, but also draws inspiration from video games, comics, and those awesome Batman cartoons.

This is part of a series, but this is the main fic of it. Love this trope of Clark is just a civilian and Bruce is Batman. Warning this fic does contain disturbing topics so read the tags.

Here Comes the Sun by batsy_rocks

T - 18,815

Clark Kent is a kind-hearted reporter working in the big city. Bruce Wayne is a stressed dad of four with no idea of what he's doing.

Then they meet.

Seasons of Love by littlechinesedoll

G - 4,603

Clark Kent took over that farm at the edge of the Town of Smallville. He likes Smallville's resident doctor, Bruce Wayne.

The best gifts for Bruce are ginger ale, salad, coffee, and any kind of flowers. He hates gems, and bars of copper, silver, and gold.

Petals and Ink by drunkraiinbow

T - 12,976

With a new kid joining the family, Bruce tries a new tattoo artist to continue the tradition of adding them to his sleeve, but he won't trust just any artist. Clark manages to win him over with his incredible talent and his farm-boy friendly demeanor, and he may even have begun to win Bruce's heart. However, Clark might have a few things to learn first.

FLOWER SHOP TATTOO PARLOUR AU! what else is there to say, this is extremely cute and a fast read! :D

Faceless Killer by Batsymomma11

E - 51,519

Detective Bruce Wayne from the GCPD and detective Clark Kent from the MPD have been asked to create a joint task force in an effort to catch the John Doe Killer that has been ravaging their sister-cities. Aside from their long-standing animosity towards one another, it should be a breeze to work together. Besides, lives depend on them getting along.

They never expected they'd trip headlong into a romantic entanglement that feels a lot more serious than even the killer they're chasing.

The Tailor by maderi

E - 16,026

When Clark is assigned to cover the Wayne gala, he finds himself in need of a professionally tailored suit. His tailor though is drop dead gorgeous, which brings up a lot of awkward situations during their appointments.

Heroes of the Squared Circle by Mithen

M - 226,687

They've gone by many names: Billionaire Brucie, Country Clark, the Kryptonian, the Dark Knight. But no matter what their stage names are, one thing has always been true: Clark Kent and Bruce Wayne are the world's finest wrestlers.

Six's a crowd by Untoward INCOMPLETE/ABANDONED

G - 10,133

When Alfred has to make an emergency trip back to England, Bruce soon finds out he can't manage running a business and taking care of six kids all alone.

He turns to a nanny agency for help, and is astonished when he finds Clark Kent, who seems like he can handle anything.

Clark not only can take care of the kids incredibly well but seems to be breaking Bruce's walls down rather well too.

After Hours by ????

E - 3,175

At the end of a long semester Clark can't hide his attraction to Professor Wayne any longer. Grad School AU.

This is practically a one-shot, not really my type of fic but worth adding!! Haven't come across this professor trope in Superbat so if you got any recs, send them my way!

Wings and Fangs by DanielleN3

E - 17,224

Clark thought he could never fall in love with anyone, especially not after being alone for such a long time… but all of that changes when he encounters a sexy vampire in Gotham.

TECHNICALLY they both have powers in this one but there are soooo different from cannon that I think this fic still qualifies for this list

thirteen by CapnWinghead

T - 22,890

Drowning in student loans, Clark Kent takes a summer job as the Wayne family nanny.

OKAY. so this is not entirely NO POWERS, but I mean Clark is a NANNY so this is great! TRUST ME

Kiss me, take my breath away by J_Jubilee

E - 37,934

There were legends about Gotham Reef. Legends that said it was haunted by a beast of foul temper. Stories told of a ravenous sea beast that feasted on the flesh of men, and was said to be more hideous than Satan himself. Others told of a woman with eyes that glowed like gold to lead sailors to their death. Some even spoke of a witch that cursed men and wreck their ships, taking all their treasures with it. When Clark’s catamaran is wrecked by a terrible storm, he learns that the stories were oh so far from true.

Baby Bats by AlmondRose

G - 4,003

this is a short series of adorable and simple domestic fluff

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Haven't read this one but heeey the art is sooo pretty soo decided to add it anyways

Dragon Heart by Hells Angel 921

T - 27,660

Kal wants to make up for his past.

Bruce tries to move on with his future.

They eventually meet in the middle.

link to art

I didn't know that Dragon/DragonSlayer was a thing but hey... apparently it is, so here it is.

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hehe and so my rant ends here! let me know if you know fics that fit any of these tropes! I’m all ears

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jackoshadows · 3 years

Text

The ASoIaF fandom can be so frustrating sometimes.

It’s okay to admit that one doesn’t like this or that character. There’s nothing wrong in disliking a character.

I am pretty open on my blog about my indifference towards or dislike for Sansa because of her stans. I don’t make disclaimers about how much I love the character before proceeding to criticize Sansa. I am not a Sansa stan and that’s okay. My blog is a place for me to jot down my thoughts and celebrate characters, books and shows I do like. If you love Sansa as a character, block me, don’t follow me etc.

What’s obnoxiously annoying are the folks who claim to love all the characters the same and then give their ‘unbiased’ opinions which are held up as canon facts because they came from neutral book reader experts. To hell with that nonsense.

These posts reek of hypocrisy and double standards. It often tears down some characters while subtly propping up others - and it’s gobbled up by the wider fandom as unbiased interpretation of the text.

One example is pushing forth the notion that calling Arya pretty (Something that both her father and brother tell her she is in the books) is wrong, it’s sexualizing her, it’s okay for Arya to be ugly, she’s canonically not pretty because Cat/Sansa said so and no other interpretation is allowed etc. And then the same person who says all this celebrates Sansa’s beauty and ships her with a 27 year old man who falls in lust with Sansa.

Or when they say that the Arya-Lyanna (and Sansa/Lyanna parallels, because it’s always important to mention Sansa with respect to Lyanna even if said person claims to not care about Lyanna as a character) parallels are overrated and not important and they don’t care about Robert’s Rebellion characters but on their blogs there’s all these posts, fanarts and meta about Elia Martell - a Robert’s Rebellion character.

A so called book expert would note that GRRM has several characters outright compare Arya to Lyanna or mistake Lyanna for Arya in the books while Sansa has no such comparison. But no, the unbiased book expert thinks that the Arya-Lyanna and Sansa-Lyanna parallels are equivalent and are both overrated.That post just annoyed me excessively into writing this long ass rant post.

Why are these neutral, unbiased folks so interested in stripping away from Arya’s story?

In the books Jeyne Poole is masquerading as Arya Stark - but that story is only Jeyne’s, has nothing to do with Arya or Arya’s importance to the North.

Arya is a strong warg, Nymeria and her wolf pack are a ‘Chekov’s wolf pack’ that GRRM has hung on the wall - Our expert opinion is that Direwolves are not all that important in the grand scheme of things.

Arya is pretty - why needlessly call Arya pretty, it adds nothing to Arya’s story and is all about sexualizing a child.

Arya-Lyanna parallels - why do we need these parallels, Arya is distinct and interesting without them.

These aspects are all important parts of the character’s story. There are so many very well written essays exploring these concepts with respect to Arya’s journey of self discovery in the books, the narrative significance of her parallels to Lyanna, her bond with Nymeria and her warging talents. For those who are interested, here are two bloggers who actually like Arya and have written about her character and character arc.

https://donewithwoodenteeth.tumblr.com/meta-masterlist

https://ashotofjac.tumblr.com/tagged/arya-stark

Some of these same people will rush to condemn any reading of the books that does not have Sansa wielding power at the end as being ‘Sansa hate’. But they will have no issues to undermine and devalue Arya’s actual book story, the relationships she has, the parallels she has, the skillsets she has, her appearance, her importance to the current story happening in the North.

There is a whole ass plot currently in the books of Northerners rallying for Arya Stark and preparing for battle against the Boltons for Arya Stark. But that’s not important because it’s actually Jeyne Poole and Arya’s story is about sailing off west of westeros. But hey, Sansa will definitely go North and hold power and that’s like 100% happening because we are the unbiased book experts and we say it is so.

Or when all else fails - Arya is a Mary Sue, she’s a fantasy character, she’s a ‘strong female character’ because she fights with a sword, people like her because she’s a tomboy who fights. Sansa is realistic, Sansa is complex - but here are all the essays that basically transfer Arya’s complexity and story to Sansa - because it fits more with their fave, because these aspects would fit better with the traditionally feminine character even though they never tire of talking about how GRRM is deconstructing tropes. Because the trope deconstruction is only applied to Arya, Jon and Dany. Never Sansa.

And honestly, why are these people reading a high fantasy series if they hate fantasy and fantasy characters so much? We love Sansa because she’s so non-magical! Then go read non-fiction books. They also twist Jon, Arya and Dany into ‘fantasy’ characters - despite these characters going through some very real and human experiences. What’s fantasy about Arya’s experiences in war torn Westeros, Jon dealing with bigotry at the wall, Dany trying to rebuild Meereen, while dealing with famine, disease and insurgency?

Or how Jon and Dany getting any kind of happy ending or becoming rulers would be so boring, sweet, predictable, conforming to tropes, a happy ending etc. But Sansa getting love, romance, going home, becoming the Stark in Winterfell, getting her fairy tale ending - that’s totally what GRRM is going to do! No trope deconstruction there! In may ways, Benioff and Weiss’ ending is not all that surprising - Mad Queen Dany, Jon remaining a bastard with the freefolk, Sansa having power as a leader - are all popular theories among bnfs in the fandom. D&D wanting to wind up the show quickly with easily found fan theories is not that much of a stretch.

ASoIaF reddit is equally frustrating. Instead of Sansa stan bnfs on tumblr who pretend to like Arya and Dany while subtly undermining their story and importance, on Asoiaf reddit it’s Stannis stans who dislike Jon and Dany because these characters present a challenge to Stannis. The mere suggestion that Jon may play a role in the battle against Ramsay sends them into frothing at the mouth rage. They hate Jon, Jon is a Gary Sue because he dared advice Stannis - the greatest general ever - on Northern military strategy. Never mind that Jon grew up in the North and learned from Ned, how dare Jon Snow know more than Stannis! Unacceptable!

And I love Stannis Baratheon. I want Stannis to crush and defeat the Boltons. But unlike reddit dudebros, I can see that he is a secondary character, a tragic character who is most probably going to perish and Jon takes over because Jon Snow is a central protagonist in the story.

I feel it’s the same with Sansa. IMO, GRRM clearly doesn’t see Sansa in the same way as he does Arya, Jon, Dany, Tyrion and Bran. Whenever he is asked questions about the books, book plots, long term arcs, endings, age gaps etc it’s these characters he often brings up and references. It’s these characters who are important to him.

And that’s why there’s a lot of undermining and undervaluing of these character’s and their stories, them being described as fantasy characters, tropes, Mary Sues and Gary Sues, ableist rhetoric about Tyrion and Bran to undermine them.

I am damned certain that if it was Sansa who had all the parallels to Lyanna, or if she was the warg, or Jeyne Poole was impersonating her, this would all be ‘VERY IMPORTANT’ and on all the gifsets and essays. But she isn’t. So fandom bnfs are reduced to talking about how these aspects are not all that important anyway.

It’s like how this quote - ‘You may be as different as the sun and the moon, but the same blood flows through both your hearts’ turns up on gifsets every other day on the Arya tag but this quote - ‘Sansa could never understand how two sisters, born only two years apart, could be so different. It would have been easier of Arya had been a bastard, like her half brother Jon. And Jon’s mother had been common, or so people whispered’ very rarely does and will not get reblogged when it does.

Or when Sansa sees Joffrey trying to kill Arya and sides with Joffrey or when Sansa throws Arya under the bus and tells the Lannisters that it’s Arya who is the traitor - just sisters being sisters y’all!

It’s all about maintaining a certain narrative about Sansa - and when others point out her actual relationship with Arya in the books, we are accused of hating and wanting Sansa dead and how we should be criticizing Tywin and the Mountain instead. This is nonsensical whataboutism and ignores that people talk about these aspects of the books because sometimes bullying, getting mocked for one’s appearance, abuse and neglect from parental figures etc. can resonate with certain readers unlike getting one’s head smashed in by Frankenstein.

At the end of the day, I wish these people would be honest about the characters they like and relate to. We are all biased. That’s why our opinions and interpretations are subjective. There’s nothing wrong in saying, hey, I like Sansa more than Arya or Dany, I relate to her character more.

I relate to Jon Snow a lot, I see things from his POV, I would disagree with the characters who disagree with Jon, I enjoy his story at the Wall and the North. My interpretations of the text are therefore colored by my bias towards Jon.

For others, it’s Dany or Sansa or Arya or Tyrion or Jaime. And that’s okay because these are fictional characters and liking one more than the other is not going to earn anyone woke points and lead to women’s rights.

And finally, there’s nothing edgy or cool about disparaging the central protagonists of a high fantasy series as being fantasy characters - go read other books if one is not into fantasy.

#rant post

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heaven-in-a-wild-flower · 3 years

Text

Crows Headcanon: Celebrating Pride Month

If you'd rather read this and more Crows headcanons on ao3 here's the link.

I have headcanoned Kaz as heteroromantic asexual (ace), Inej as biromantic demisexual (bi demi-ace), Wylan as homosexual (gay), Jesper as bisexual (bi), Nina as pansexual (pan) and Matthias as straight. (This is just what I see them as, not the only possiblity). Also I know that Pride month is long over, I wrote this in June, this is just the polished version.

Chapter 1

Chapter 2 (the chapters aren't related and do not continue the story, each can be read separately)

Today's the day. Jesper and Nina wake up first. They both get up in nearly identical ways, springing up out of bed, bursting with excitement. Jesper gently shakes Wylan awake, who doesn't need much encouragement to wake up because he's excited too (not as much as Jesper of course, no one could be that excited). Nina bustles about the room, getting ready, unintentionally waking Matthias up, who is a light sleeper (Soldiers have to be. While he knows he's not a soldier anymore, his body has yet to forget it). Inej is on the roof doing her morning yoga while Kaz is making breakfast (he's surprisingly domestic when it comes to it. He's not fantastic at cooking but he can make basic dishes perfectly).

Matthias, Kaz, Inej and Wylan have settled in at the table to eat breakfast when Nina and Jesper saunter in. Jesper looks dashing in his multicoloured suit. The blazer is blue, the trousers are purple, the shirt inside is pink, and his tie is covered in pink, purple and blue sequins. Nina looks gorgeous in her sparkly gown. It has pink glitter for the bodice, which morphs into yellow glitter at the middle and concludes with blue glitter at the end, making a perfect ombre. They pose at the doorway, to loud applause from Wylan, cheering from Inej, a gasp from Matthias and a deadpan from Kaz.

"We're going to the Pride Parade today, obviously," Nina says, gesturing to their outfits. "Who's coming?"

"I'm in," Wylan says. He's never been allowed to go to a Pride Parade before so he's so excited to see what it'll be like. Part of him is afraid, too. That he somehow won't fit in even there.

"I'll go," Matthias adds, smiling softly at Nina, possibly not even sure what he's agreeing to except that Nina will be there, looking like this.

"I'll come too," Inej replies, smiling at the two Grisha, beyond proud of how comfortable they are in their own skin and identity.

Kaz nods at them which is a fairly enthusiastic yes for him (Someone has added rainbow sprinkles to all the food and it could only be one person, the person who made it but Kaz will never admit to that).

Later, in the afternoon, Wylan is making Pride-themed smoke bombs (his own idea, he's so proud of it), Nina is helping Inej decide what she wants to wear, Matthias is researching Pride related words because he wants to understand what this community is about, and Jesper and Kaz are talking (talking is a bit of a stretch, but basically Jesper is talking at Kaz, ranting actually, and Kaz is nodding here and there).

In the evening, they all go to the Pride Parade. Wylan has a rainbow shirt on, Inej has a demisexual flag badge and a biromantic flag one attached to her top, and Matthias and Kaz are dressed as they normally would. They decide to split up (although the decision is mostly made by the fact that Wylan drags Jesper with him as he sets off in one direction, Nina walks off in another dircetion and Matthias follows, and Inej and Kaz decide to go slowly at their own pace).

Wylan is absolutely fascinated by all the colourful things they're selling. He's racing from one stall to another, and Jesper is keeping pace with him happily. Nina is enthralled by the food. They have pride coloured (and flavoured) waffles! After Nina and Matthias eat till they're full though, Nina quickly switches to buying all sorts of knick-knacks (Matthias is automatically given the task of bag carrier when Nina turned to him with suspiciously wide eyes and said, "Who else should I ask for help but my big strong Fierdan boyfriend?" Matthias knew he was being baited but agreed anyway because he loves her). Inej and Kaz are walking slowly, taking everything in, while Inej sneaks glances at Kaz to make sure the crowd isn't bothering him and Kaz does the same.

Kaz seems blank-faced the whole time until a little girl smiles at him and tries to wrap rainbow coloured ribbons around his cane. He shakes his head and points at the black, grey, white and purple set. She smiles and acquiesces. Inej watches this interaction with a small smile hidden behind her hand.

When they finally return home, Matthias is somehow (we know how, or rather who) covered in stickers and badges and scarves and face paint and so so much more. Nina is full and happy with all the purchases she made. Wylan and Jesper are admiring the few things Wylan bought when suddenly Wylan pulls out a gun from behind his back and points it at Jesper. "Boom!" he says, and Jesper realises that the gun is actually a holster painted blue, purple and pink. Wylan grins and hands it to him, and Jesper mock seriously promises to protect it with his life. Inej is laughing softly as Kaz tries to remove the ribbons from his cane and only succeeds in trapping himself in it too.

Wylan realises that he does fit in there, Jesper feels euphoric that he can be this open with his identity, Nina's heart feels full from all the love, Matthias's head feels full from all the Queer related terms he learned today, Inej feels a serene kind of happiness at seeing others like her, and Kaz, well Kaz doesn't have feelings, what are you talking about? (Kaz is happy, nothing else, just happy).

Next Chapter (Chapter 3)

Let me know if anyone wants to be added to the tag list.

#six of crows #soc #grishaverse #soc hc #crows headcanon #crows hc #kaz brekker #inej ghafa #kanej #kanej headcanon #jesper fahey #wylan van eck #wesper #wesper headcanon #nina zenik #matthias helvar #helnik headcanon #helnik #shadow and bone

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obeiii-mee · 4 years

Note

Hey there! Love your writing. What about MC spending a whole day with just one of the brothers? Like you know, if the brothers were deciding what to do? Sorry if it’s too boring and romantic haha, I’m a lost case, I desperately need that night walks with Satan and working out with Beel in my life haha. Thanks xx

Same though. I love writing just typical HCs with the bros during date night or something. And I’m currently writing a few angst HCs so I really needed this too lmao. I hope you don’t mind these not being too long. I hope this satisfies you lol.

Enjoy!

——————————

The Brothers Spending a Whole Day with MC:

Lucifer:

-Mr. Prideful doesn’t take many days off

-But when he’s with you, he really feels like he can unwind properly

-Lucifer loves going on walks with you tbh

-He feels like it’s a nice break from all of his office work and meetings

-Sometimes the two of you end up in Majolish or a restaurant

-He definitely has a thing for spoiling you on days like these, because he feels he doesn’t appreciate you enough otherwise

-Like when he yells at both you and Mammon for doing stupid shit around Lord Diavolo

-The two of you could walk through the whole of DevilDom hand in hand if you had more hours in the day

-I see Lucifer as a bit traditional when it comes to dating so it’s obvious you’ll have movie dates and everything

-But a day off for him? With you? Away from his brothers, all of their chaos and the never ending attention his paperwork needs?

-It feels like he’s in the Celestial Realm all over again

-He does love you

-His past just doesn’t let him express his affection towards you very well

Mammon:

-If the two of you could spend the whole day together, there are only three places you could be at: Majolish, the casino or trying to make money for Mammon’s debts somewhere

-But it doesn’t really matter for him

-He could be stuck in a broom closet with you and still be happy (though he wouldn’t admit it)

-Spending a day with just him is bound to end in tears to be honest, on his part usually

-Because everything is going well and you’re having fun

-“Ah shit!”

-“Mammon you OK? What happened?”

-“I accidentally sold Lucifer’s gloves for 50000 Grimm!”

-How does one accidentally sell something?

-So he get a bit of an earful for that

-Other than that, being with the second eldest is crazy enough as it is

-You may have lost all that money at the casino but for the first time in a while, Mammon didn’t care that much

-Because you were there and laughing with him about how stupid both of you were

-You guys hit as many shops as possible and just generally have a messy, fun time together

-He often ends these days saying something like “You should be grateful that THE GREAT MAMMON agreed to let you tag along with him today.”

-But just kiss him on the cheek and he will shut up. For like hours. He’ll be too flushed to even look you in the eye

-He really wants to spend another day out with his human

Levi:

-Welp, life of a shut-in otaku

-It should be of no surprise that the two of you spend most of your time in his room

-It’s just the one place he’s most comfortable in and having you there makes it so much better

-Anime’s and video games are a must obviously

-But he loves doing movie marathons with you too (while loudly complaining the movie sucks and that you’re a normie for choosing it. Which means he likes it)

-Maybe a few good hours of him ranting about TSL because it’s Levi

-So the chances of you guys getting any sleep on said day are slim to none

-Also, if you agree to go to conventions with him, he will die of happiness

-On the rare occasion that he does go outside, he’s only out there because you went with him so that should tell you how much he loves you

-But most of the time you’re locked in his room to the point where Luci dearest has to come along and drag you the fuck to breakfast

-Ah, true love~~

Satan:

-I mean, this one should be pretty obvious too

-If he doesn’t enjoy dates in the library, then is he really Satan? (I never thought a sentence like that would ever be typed)

-Most of the time it ends with him reading to you because his voice is sO bEAutIful and you just melt when you hear it

-I will forever hc that he makes sound effects while reading too so imagine that

-You two don’t always get the chance to spend a whole day together

-But he tries to check in on you at least once a day

-*Cue romantic run through the house of Lamentation, trying to find you so he can gossip and bitch about Lucifer*

-Walks with him are very common too

-They usually take place at night, because he’s a sap and he read too many romance books and damn it kiss him already

-He would hold an umbreally over you if it started raining and everything

-Satan takes these moments to chat to you about anything, he just wants to appreciate you being there

-You guys made out several times while on these ‘walks’ ngl skskevshskbeuensb

-One time, you showed him a cat cáfe in the human realm and he went nuts

-Safe to say you’ve been there more times than I care to count, most of which were without permission

-A day with him can either go extremely calmly and end with you guys falling asleep on each other in his room or escalate to either pranking Lucifer or...steamier stuff

-Haha if anyone ever mentions he’s a cheesy bastard, they’re dead before they can say their prayers

-Except you, you get the pass on this one, tease him as much as you want

Asmo:

-Finally, he gets to have you all to himself without any of his brothers cockblocking him all the time~ (same tbh)

-The whole day would be planned from head to toe in activities and events

-It would start with some sort of makeover in the morning (getting your nails done, doing hairstyles, skin routine etc.)

-Then it would move on to some serious shopping sprees where he basically buys everything that he deems to be cute

-They’re for you 100% tho

-The day usually ends with you getting dragged to parties and clubs because Asmo can’t go a day without speaking to other people

-By the time you get home, you’re almost knocked out cold and carrying several bags full of clothes and shit

-But you can never say you didn’t enjoy yourself on these days

-Having Asmo around is exhilarating and somehow, even if crowds happen to not be your thing, it’s still really easy to have fun anyway

-There are times when the two of you stay at home and do each other’s nails and everything

-And you two are very fond of these sort of dates as well

-Of course, all of this assuming he won’t try to seduce you and get in your pants all day

-Turns our Mammon is somehow telepathically connected to you and rushes over any time this happens

-So much for not being cockblocked I guess

-He always switches things up as well which is usually very pleasant because you don’t visit the same shops or clubs every day

-Just be back by midnight or you’ll have your asses handed back to you otherwise

Beel:

-Beel loves you

-Beel loves food

-If those two happen to be in the same room, he might as well die peacefully

-It’s all he ever asked for (especially if Belphie is there too)

-Half of the day is spent at either Hell’s Kitchen or in your kitchen at home

-For him, the food always tastes better when you’re there so if you’re willing to go, then he’ll be like a cheerful puppy the whole time (how many times have I compared Beel to a puppy lmao)

-The other half of the day is spent training

-Work out sessions are important to him and he’s more than happy to let you join in

-If anything, you’ll be on his back as he does his push ups even though you’re not that heavy to him

-It sort of warms that demon heart of his because you’re always there handing him towels and water after he’s finished

-And you always have snacks prepared too which is wonderful really

-Kudos for being able to hide them from him the whole time

-It’s also not that surprising to know that you, Beel and Belphie hang out a lot

-So these days often mean that Belphegor tags along with you guys everywhere

-You won’t notice him tho, believe me, he’ll just stay attached to Beel’s back and sleep the whole time

-If he gets to spend a day with his loved ones, then Beel can honestly not ask for more

Belphie:

-“Belphie...?”

-“Yes MC?”

-“Is.....is that a pillow fort that’s almost as big as the attic?”

-“It is indeed.”

-“Why?”

-“Why not?”

-Tbh it would be a miracle if you two didn’t sleep the whole day

-But if he had to go somewhere with you

-It would be anywhere

-Much like Mammon, he couldn’t give less of a shit about the evironment as long as you’re there

-Chances are, however, that he will sneak you two to the human world a few times in secret

-He still insists he hates humans but truth is, he misses them and their realm

-Going back there, without permission the same way he did all those centuries ago, was like a breath of fresh air

-You guys would be chilling at a park in the human realm, probably make small picnic or something

-Belphie, as much as he doesn’t want to admit it, loves these dates and would kill anything on his path if it meant he gets to be in your arms while taking a nap in the human world

-He invites Beel along too which makes everything so much better for him

-He will just fall asleep on you while you run your fingers through his hair

-Belphie is so warm too so it’s likely you won’t stay awake for long either

-Poor Beel has to carry both back to DevilDom but he does it anyway without complaining >:(

-He knows that he isn’t allowed to come up here and that he should stop these dates before Lucifer finds out

-But being out here with you brings him an irreplaceable meaning and you’re so soft and gentle, he can’t resist cuddling into you

-Also he doesn’t give a shit what Lucifer thinks

(Idk why my writing is so bad in this post, it kinda feels like I forced myself to write it and maybe that’s why..? Anyway, I hope you enjoyed my mess of HCs)

Al~

#obey me #obey me asmodeus #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphegor #obey me imagines #obey me leviathan #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me satan #⭐️ requests #☂️ demon brothers #🕯 general

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hyuneytoast · 3 years

Text

The Stranger’s Meadow || H.HJ

Pairing || Hwang Hyunjin x Reader

Word Count || 10k

Genre || Modern-ish(?) Magic AU, Angst, Fluff, Strangers to Lovers

Warnings || Suicide attempt, mentions of death, depression, and anxiety, explicit language

Description || You live in a world of magic, the Northern District. Despite it being a place where people are everywhere, meeting people was like a blue moon for you. It just so happens, during the most unlikely situation, you meet someone who offers to take you somewhere for comfort. To a flower cafe outside of the city, in the middle of a meadow. Mind you, the Northern District is one of magic, including a flower cafe that offers feelings.

Listen to ---> 7UP by Boy In Space & Closer to You by Rasmus Hagen

Note || This is my first fanfic and I will be honest... I’m very nervous about posting this! I apologize if the end seems rushed. Anyways, please be free to tell me your thoughts about it or if I missed a warning! Without further ado, please enjoy reading <3

11:09 pm

There's no feeling like the one right now. Being in the sky, above the city, wistfully watching it hold the society of nothing but magic. Lying in the Northern District is everything and anything. The things that can fill up a person of endless inspiration, endless purpose.

The remaining bits of the winter wind howls through the night, biting people. Nature coming back to life through the cold layer as days pass. Flowers and shrubs sprouting and budding. Spring embracing the life around. The moon hangs above, casting as much light as it could pass the blanket of thin, wispy clouds. The stars were barely visible due to the city’s lights polluting the air. Oh, how you missed the stars.

You’re on your apartment's rooftop looking down upon the sleeping, yet glowing city. Structures built and compacted everywhere with rivers running between. God, how much you love it all. From the big things, like the mystic city below and the cozy night sky, to the little things of lattes and flowers that grow between the pavement. Not to mention, the feeling of time coming to a stop for once.

Like every story, everything comes to an end. You'd miss it all, but it couldn't compare to the feeling of freedom close in your grasps. Your hands tightly grip the railing right in front of you, knuckles turning white.

You knew the consequences that awaited if you were to step forward.

If you were to climb over.

If you were to jump.

That’s why you’re here, after all.

Hot tears brim at the edge of your eyes, your vision blurring. All these years of bottling up emotions, you’re, at last, done. Empty. Too exhausted to even freely cry and too restless to properly sleep. In your everyday, you could worry about your job, your shitty boss, your financial struggles, or your unstable relationship with your parents. Or even college, where you're falling behind in alchemy. In fact, it's what you should be worrying about. But no. Instead, you're too absorbed in an abyss of loneliness and self doubt.

You have your co-workers, but they were no more than acquaintances. No friends. No one to express your emotions towards. In any relationship, you felt like the only one trying. Perhaps there is something wrong with you? It's exhausting to solve this problem without even knowing what is wrong with you. Even more so, you feel weak not being able to handle even the simplest struggles in life. Why are you like this? You felt like you had no good reason to feel the way you do. Everyone deals with loneliness. So why couldn't you? Invalid feelings. That's what you believe you're full of.

The moon watches you from afar, wishing it could speak. Wishing it could tell you how you're all wrong; what you're about to do is wrong. But it does what all it can do; illuminate the darkness that coats the sky.

It all continues. The world continues no matter what. The world continues no matter who decides to continue along with it. Day by day, month by month. What difference would it make if you were here? Or if you weren't? What’s the point in continuing?

The frigid wind welcoming you at the edge to jump. The moon silently begging for you to not. You shudder from the cold as you take a deep, shaky breath; your hands trembling around the rail. Apple-frosted fingertips and cheeks. Nose bitten by the bitter wind. You wipe the tears spilling from your eyes in a harsh manner. Adrenaline rushing through you. Was this really happening? You aren’t going to lie, you're terrified. Why is it so hard? It’s just one jump.

Right?

“Excuse me,” a gentle voice interrupts the dreadful silence.

You were rather more disappointed than startled by the sudden voice. You didn’t want anyone stumbling upon you in this situation. Nor, making you live longer and suffer more unneeded hours. You turn your head and upper body with eyes trailing to see the voice's owner. Your hands remain around the only thing dividing you and death. The draping patio lights above lit the area just enough to make out the stranger’s appearance.

There stood a tall, slender frame of an unfamiliar male a few feet afar. He looks like your age, if not, a couple years older. The breeze softly blew through his long blond hair, reaching no longer than his chin. He’s wearing black snug pants, a black turtle-neck, and a brown cardigan that was a bit loose on his shoulders. His hands were fumbling around with each other as he shuffles a bit closer. Like yours, his breath was visible, making tiny clouds of fog in the night’s air. His eyes wander around, taking in the night view before meeting your eyes. You could tell he was feeling nervous, but surely not as much as you.

You were literally taking in the last moments of your life. It was what you wanted, though, despite the fear that keeps trying to hold you back. This stranger, on the other hand, seems to have other plans.

The male clears his throat, breaking the awkward silence between you two.

“A-are you busy at the moment?” The stranger stutters causing him to curse at himself. He didn’t know if he's nervous, cold, or both. It didn’t help he was in panic mode, internally screaming for you not to jump.

“Why?” You bluntly reply, your tone revealing an emotionless demeanor.

“Could you at least step a little back from the rail? Please?”

You remain motionless which only makes the stranger's panic grow.

“Okay then…” His voice drifts off as he brings his hand to scratch the back of his neck. His eyes glance at the city before landing back at yours. He bit the bottom of his lip before continuing to speak. “Do you want to maybe… Maybe talk about it? What's bothering you, I mean. You're clearly distressed,” His voice becoming more pleading.

You remain standing in silence, like a fool. Why on earth would a stranger listen to you rant about your stupid problems? Why would he even think you would just open up to him like that?

“Well, do you like flowers?”

What the hell.

“Flowers…?” Taken aback from the random question, you raise one eyebrow.

"Yeah, flowers. Do you like them?”

It took you several seconds to process everything before nodding. The male, satisfied with your response, intertwines his fingers together.

“There’s a flower cafe I think you would like to visit. They have good coffee too. I bought Doorway tickets there for a friend and I, but my friend ended up ditching me. So… maybe if you would take the extra ticket? I’d be happy with that. We can accompany each other since we both seem, you know... lonely.”

Your eyes widen a bit. Was this guy interrupting your suicide attempt for a cafe and some flowers? You weren’t going to lie, it sounded like he was asking you out on a date. At the absolute wrong time. Out of all the dramas you spent hours watching, never have you seen a scenario like this. You’d think he’d at least ask a cute girl in the city somewhere. Or, even in a less awkward situation where one's not trying to die! You lowly chuckle in disbelief. For some reason, though, your mind kept drifting from your original plan and more towards the stranger’s offer.

“A cafe? At this hour?” Your tone was softer this time while your hands loosen a bit from the railing. You didn’t know what time it was, but you were aware that it was late. You remember leaving the inside of your apartment around 10:30 pm. Not to mention, you were standing on the rooftop for quite some time.

“Mhm,” He nods. “Please? Just trust me on this. I promise you’ll like it there. No regrets!”

You turn your head back and forth a few times, from the sleeping city and back to the friendly stranger. What could go wrong? Worst case scenario, he could be a necromancer or a grim reaper. He could be an Average planning to kill you, (which, from his sweet and polite impression, doesn’t seem to be the case) or you could jump like planned. Either way, neither choices and endings seem to disappoint you. Despite your doubt, you made a decision to agree and tag along.

“Okay, I-I’ll come with you,” your voice was on the quiet and uncertain side, but it was enough for the male to hear. You release your hands from the rail and turn around completely towards the stranger. With small steps, he approaches you closer leaving no more than two feet between. You could now examine the towering face before you better. His mono lids filled with dark orbs, representing the sentimental night above. Along was a mole placed right under his left eye. He has sharp nose and plump pink lips that curl into a small, consoling smile. Everything about his face seems to be so proportional, so perfect. Goddamn, why is he so pretty?

You took notice of his right-hand coming between and waiting for yours.

“I promise you to make this night worth it.”

You hesitate but end up lending him your hand. With his long fingers lacing between your small ones, he tugs you towards the stairs.

11:58 pm

You never liked strolling through the city, but it turned out to be more of a good time than expected. You passed through the city in its sleeping state while still hand in hand with the male. He would throw you reassuring smiles once in a while, making you a bit flustered. The evening was chilly, but not as much as it was on the rooftop; It was a bearable temperature. You didn’t feel pressure either since the streets weren’t overcrowded. To your surprise, you would enjoy wandering around just like this all night if you could. Now here you were at the location of instant transportation, Northern District Doorways.

There aren't trains, monorails, cars, or carriages. None of the such. Instead are doors that take you anywhere, basically having the purpose of a portal. Hallways and rooms of different colored doors that are numbered. Behind the doors lie major areas found in the Norther District. Enter the door and watch your surroundings melt into another.Arriving at the ticket booth, you feel warmth leave your hands, signaling you that the stranger let go.

“I have a key to enter door 325.”

You watch him hand over his ID. You were too focused on the male’s side-profile to look at the person working behind the booth. There was something about the stranger that seems comforting. Perhaps it was the gentle way he spoke, or the angelic features portrayed on his face. Or, how he is trying to save you because he cares. At least, you think he does. What ever it was, it made you put a great deal of trust in him. Maybe more than you were supposed to. That didn't prevent you from wondering where the stranger was taking you to, though.

You notice the male receive a silver key from the booth

“Thank you, have a good night. Come on!” You felt a tug on your hoodie’s sleeve, leading you pass the ticket booth. "The door isn't too far down the hallway."

You both walk pass doors aligned side by side, reflecting different colors and hues. Each number label increasing. Door 317, 319, 321, 323...

Door 325.

"Wait... I thought you had an extra ticket?" You question.

"Well... No, sorry. I own the door and property behind it. Because I own it, I don't need tickets. Just a key and the station's permission!" He says while waving the key in the air cheerfully.

Right when his hand lands on the handle of the dark green door, he turns to look at you with endearing eyes.

“Can you do something for me?"

"Sure," you reply with a small voice.

"I promised you that I'll make this a memorable night for you, right?"

You nod.

"That's only possible under one condition."

"Okay," You nervously reply. What would be the condition? Was this a bad idea? He's going to ask for all your silver and just scam you, isn't he?

"Before we enter the door... Just leave it all. Leave as much worries as you can right here, okay?"

12:10 am

The door opens with the view of an entire meadow. As you enter, the male lets go of your hand and closes the door behind. The airport? Gone. Any view of the city? Gone. Your shoes land on the pathway made of smooth stone pieces. The cold air nipped at both of your faces, welcoming your arrival. The edge of the pathway met with grass that extended further than your eyes could see. You could see faint specks of color from flowers all around, not yet bloomed. It's still hard to see as the night only grows. It smells like nature; The smell of fresh grass and refreshing, sweet scents the blossoms gave off. A smell rich of pollen. It's a new delightful smell, not one found in the city where you live. You could hear the plants dancing against each other as the wind blows through. The light chirping of crickets bounces in the night along. The whole atmosphere was serene.

“You like it?” Hyunjin’s soft-spoken voice rings through your ears, breaking you out of your trance.

“It’s beautiful,” You utter in awe.

“Well, that’s not all. We didn’t even arrive at the actual place yet. Come on.”

Light footsteps hit the stone, leaving the door behind. The yellow light from the street lamps illuminate the way while casting shadows.

“Are you cold?”

“No, I’m fine,” You reply, not removing your gaze from the lush terrain beside you.

“Okay. Let me know if you are, I can lend you my cardigan.”

“Got it, thank you.”

This surely wasn’t what you expected Hyunjin to take you to. You thought of those shops or cafes you walk pass in the city. The ones that are owned by enchantresses or fortune tellers. Or, the flower shops grim reapers own for funerals.

The walk is silent between you and the boy. There's no other person in view. Feeling your social anxiety kick in, you start fumbling with your hands. Realization completely dawns on you. You ditched your suicide attempt for an attractive guy and some flowers. Now, you were alone with him in the middle of god knows where. The lingering quietness didn’t help either. Should you say something? Hell, you didn’t even get his name. The male somehow notices your uneasiness, so he decides to break the silence.

“Do you have a favorite flower?”

“Umm…” You look up to meet the soft gaze beside you. “Maybe gardenias?”

“You sound a bit unsure there,” He chuckled. “Do you know what they mean?”

You tear your gaze from him and shake your head.

“Gardenias mean gentleness, joy, and secret love. They have a pleasant smell too!”

You let out a small smile, only to leave silence filling the air once again.

“I’m Hyunjin by the way. Hwang Hyunjin.”

“Y/N Y/L/N.”

"Very pretty name, Y/N," He grins.

You look at him, staring at his eyes crescent-like eyes as he smiles. You couldn’t help but think that despite not knowing what you were getting yourself into, he sure did. And it sent a bit of hope for happiness in your mind.

The remaining walk wasn't too long. In fact, it was a quite comforting one. Once in a while would you both ask random questions to get to know each other better. Well, mainly Hyunjin did the asking.

"What's your favorite color?"

"Y/F/C."

"Mine is black and red."

Hyunjin seemed to enjoy telling you stories of his friends too.

"We should try to make pancakes one day. I have a friend who once tried to make some. It was an absolute mess though! One time he put too much butter in the pan that it took up half the batter. The second batch, he didn’t put any butter and then burned his pancakes. We also found out that he was supposed to put vanilla in the batter, but he mixed it up with a sleeping potion. He passed out so fast after one bite! It was pretty funny,” He laughed while clapping his hands.

It reminded how you longed for friends or just company from someone, anyone. And now here you were. The experiences Hyunjin reminisced were enough to brighten your mood. You admired that; the effort he made in befriending you. You almost felt bad though, how you didn’t have stories to make him to make him laugh. Starting fun conversations weren’t your strength. Still, you’d be lying if you said you didn’t enjoy your time. You can’t remember the last time you felt like this; Not stressed out, not anxious, not empty of emotions, not fearful. All just seemed to dissipate into nonexistence.

The two of you continue on the pathway; soon taking a left turn and up a short staircase where the meadow elevates. Straight ahead you see a compact building, which you assume to be the flower cafe. The sight of it is charming and comforting, especially with the moonlight cascading from above. It’s a small, white shop with a dark shed roof, slanting down to the right. A giant window lies on the right front of the cafe. Flowers of many displayed behind the window and in front on wooden shelves. The door on the right is a lavender color with an "open" wooden sign hanging. The walls partially hidden under the lively draping vines and blossoms. It’s a kind of architecture and vibe you wouldn’t catch in the city. It’s like a page from a fairy tale book, ripped out and perfectly placed in front of you.

Hyunjin softly grips your hand and pulls you out towards the cafe's entrance.

“Y/N, welcome to Haven Cafe!”

12:52 am

The shop’s interior is just as cozy yet beautiful like the outside. It is on the smaller side, but it seems perfect for the environment, like a dark cottagecore. An aroma of fresh brewed coffee mixed with a bit of floral floated around. When you walk through the door, you are greeted by the wooden counter with a white marble top ahead. On top was a cashier register and a dark rotary dial phone. There is a thin glass on the counter, like a pastry case. There weren’t any pastries though. Instead, there are small glass bottles, some full of colorful flower petals and others of different magical dust blends. Pass the counter, you could see more counters, cabinets, and shelving of dark wood. On the shelves, that had vines growing alongside, lied dishes including saucers, teapots, and a couple of vintage manual coffee grinders. On the right besides the counter was a tall wooden figure with dozens of drawers. Each drawer has a label of different flower breeds. Placed hanging on the front of the counter below the glass is a menu listing several beverages.

Latte.

Tea.

Cappuccino.

Smoothie.

Milk tea.

Espresso.

Americano.

Below the list is a sign.

Prices depend on the effects you desire and flowers needed. Prices start at 2.5 pounds of silver.

On the left of the kitchen and overall area where you order is a small loft. There is the front window which extends to the side of the shop. There is a small evergreen-colored, square rug with a low dark-wood coffee table. There is a brown leather couch pushed against the cafe’s side window, which is where you are sitting. On your left, the couch meets a mini square table that resembles the counters. On it was a decent black lamp and a stack of marble coasters for your drinks. Above is a plant hanging in a macrame holder, like others throughout the shop. Around the top edge, where the walls meet the ceiling, are dainty fairy lights.

“Do you like it? The shop, I mean,” Hyunjin asks as he’s behind the counter organizing some bottles of flowers in a cabinet.

“Yes, it’s very charming. So you own this?”

“Thank you very much! Glad to hear that from you. And yeah, I own it along with 38 acres of the meadow. It’s kind of my home too. My bedroom is behind the back door. Anyways… Would you like me to explain the concept of this place?”

“Go ahead.”

Hyunjin walks to the front of the counter, leaning is body with arms supporting his weight behind.

“Hopefully it's not too complicated to understand. So, you know how each flower has their own meaning, right? Like what I told you earlier about gardenias. Basically, you need or want a certain feeling? Tell it to me, I make you a drink with the flowers that give you the desired feelings, and there you go! If you’re feeling regretful, and want to forget a specific memory, I suggest you order a tea with yellow carnations and rosemary. You want to befriend someone? You can offer them tea discretely full of yellow roses. And so on. All of them are made from the flowers I grow in my meadow!”

“So you sell potions for emotions? And how does that work from flowers?”

“I guess you can put it that way. And like I said, flowers have their own meanings and symbolisms. Specific flowers are assigned to a certain drink that will give you what you wish for. I blend the petals with a drink you want on the menu and your wish is granted!”

"So, if someone wants to forget a memory, you would give them what?"

"I suggest you order a drink with yellow carnations and rosemary."

“If... I want someone to die, you would give me what?”

You watch Hyunjin’s eyes soften as he feels his heart slightly break from your question. He couldn’t help but acknowledge the certain meaning behind your words; the words directed towards yourself.

“That… that I don’t make. I don’t even grow those flowers. The goal of this shop is more for one's benefit. That excludes death or any inflicted harm on one's self.”

You simply nod in response before tearing your gaze from his. Your eyes observe the shop once again, taking in the pleasant atmosphere. You start to wonder what you just got yourself into. Sure you’ve had the traditional beneficial ones, like chamomile tea. But you've never had what Hyunjin had to offer. You've seen very few similar shop concepts, but you discovered that later they were just shitty scams. Was Hyunjin scamming you? Part of you didn't want to believe he was. It all seems legit anyways. Unbelievably legit.

“But, I can make you something else if you’d like.”

“Okay,” accepting his offer.

He smiles with satisfactory. “You like coffee, right?”

“Mhm.”

“Perfect then!” He claps his hands together and makes his way behind the counter.

You remain sitting on the couch examining what Hyunjin does. He opens a drawer from the cabinet and pulls out a few bristly leaves. Retrieving a coffee grinder from a shelf, he pours in the leaves and coffee beans.

After several minutes, he approaches you with a short, but wide black cup. He places it on the coffee table in front of you as you lean forward to pick it up. You could see it steaming as your hands hug the cup, absorbing the warmth.

“What flower is this made of?”

“Purple hyacinth. It will help you let go of the time on the roof or some events before that. It's also made of alstroemeria petals and may... help us become better friends..." Hyunjin's voice drifts off as his face starts reddening with embarrassment. "Also!! Don’t worry about paying, it’s on me!”

You lightly chuckle at the boy's flustered state beside you.

After a minute of blowing on the drink, you take a sip. The warmth dances around in your mouth and tingles on your tongue. It tastes like an average latte, not too bitter nor too sweet. The coffee was rich in cream and tasty. You didn’t feel different, but continue drinking it.

"So, you majored in... healing or something?" You ask, taking another sip of the hot beverage.

"Something like that. I majored in medical and alchemy," he smiles. "What about you?"

"I'm currently majoring in alchemy too! I'm kind of falling behind on my studies though, ha."

"Majoring? So how old are you?"

"Nineteen. You?"

"Twenty."

"So you graduated early, then."

"Yup!" He grins.

"Good for you," You lightly laugh.

"Thanks! And hey, maybe I can help you with your class."

"I'd like that."

The night grew heavier and the moon continued to make its way across the sky. What else grew was your trust and hope, especially in the new acquaintance. I mean, he could have poisoned you already. Here you are though; uncertain, but well alive.

You felt a growing desire to see what else wonders he had to show you.

Oh god- Was this what he meant with the alstroemeria petals?

2:21 am

Maybe not in your eyes, but in his, you were lovely. And of course, you still are. Hyunjin could not deny that. You were crying on the roof in pure devastation. He still thought of you as one of the loveliest persons he's seen and met. He has noticed you a few times at the book store you work at, but that was some time ago.

That is until he saw you on the rooftop of an apartment. Hyunjin was initially visiting the apartment next to you, which was his best friend’s. Working at Haven Shop for problematic people made him grow to be very observant. Not much observation was necessary for your state, though. You were so close to the rail. So close to climbing over, sleeves wiping your teary face. It was an obvious, painful scene. It was his job to try help people out and you were no different. He can’t remember the last time he ran as fast as he did that night to get to you.

Now here you were. Safe under the same roof as him. Hyunjin sat on the dark wooded flooring of his bedroom, behind the back door of the shop. His bedroom is simple, but pleasantly aesthetic. There’s a window with a seating ledge in the middle, across the door. In the right corner is a bed with nothing but white sheets and pillows. It stretches across to the window. Above is a shelf with a plant, whose leaves were like a curtain, and a framed photo of his dog, Kkami. On the right corner of the room is a tall, oak wood bookcase. The books held information of nature and poetry. A few even included fantasy novels and dog facts. In the center on the ceiling hung a few light pendants, varying in different lengths. The room was dark yet cozy.

You were on the bed, snuggled between the blankets. Last night, you two had a few chats of pointless, but fun topics. The night grew deeper and you two grew sleepy. After several yawns, Hyunjin was able to convince you to sleep on his bed while he slept on the floor. You refused saying he was already offering too much. But he said your comfort is his top priority.

Most of the night, he was awake with endless thoughts. It was going to be hard to make you appreciate your life on this world. His sense of protection over you was great enough for him to at least try, though.

Sure, Hyunjin has dealt with people full of different emotions in his shop. They weren’t so severe though. People came in knowing what they wanted and left. Nothing else. Not to mention, there were many customers who’d take his work for granted.

You aren’t like that though. There were times when Hyunjin had to reassure you that you weren’t being a burden. You were selfless. Perhaps a little too selfless, but it’s an admirable trait to him. In fact, there is something else about you. Something that intrigues him. Sure, you have a pretty face, but there’s something more. It makes him want to protect you; give you the happy world he believes you deserve.

That is his job after all...

Right?

9:37 am

The glowing rays of the sun hits your face, alerting you to wake up. The melodic chirps of birds bounce in the distance. Shifting away from the blinding light, your eyes flutter to the room.

This wasn’t your apartment. Definitely not.

It took you a minute before remembering how you got here. That’s right. You with Hyunjin in his shop. You sit up, groaning and rubbing your eyes from your surprisingly good rest. The room wasn’t too cold nor hot. The bustling city noises weren’t echoing outside. It was comfortable, a soothing atmosphere. You stand up and take a deep breathe, inhaling the gentle lavender fragrance.

Making your way, you twist the silver door knob. You're revealed the shop’s “kitchen” along with Hyunjin. He is gathering empty glass bottles from a drawer at the bottom of the main counter. He turns around upon hearing his bedroom door creak. Looking at you, he makes a bright, welcoming smile.

“Good morning, Y/N! Did you sleep well?”

“Yes, thank you.”

“Have a seat on the couch. I’ll make you something and after, I’ll take you around the meadow. Is that okay?”

“Of course! Take your time too,” You say, making you way to the couch in the loft area.

Now that the sun is awake, everything seems to be more clear. The sun rays peeking straight into the front window and the plants seem more lively. The view outside was beautiful, too. The meadow is brighter, more green and lush. Flower buds filling up half of the field, only few that have started to open it petals. The sky seems just as happy. Not gloomy from the pollution cars spat out in the city. The blue is full of thin, wispy white clouds. Small groups of birds flew by every here and there. The scenery made you more eager to explore the unfamiliar wonders.

You look at Hyunjin whose occupied making drinks for himself and you. He is wearing black cargo pants and a loose, white v-neck shirt tucked in. The peeking sunlight hides in his hair. He is lowly humming a random tune with a content look. You want to ask a few questions, but decided later; not wanting to interrupt his work.

He walks towards you and serves your drink in your hands before sitting next to you. You look at the tall, glass cup in your grasps. It’s full of a green drink and strawberry puree, flowing down from the side of the cup.

“It’s a strawberry matcha latte with pink hyacinth. In a way, it will help wake you up and boost your happiness for the day!”

“What about your drink?”

“Oh, this? It’s just a regular iced americano. There’s a short list of rules I have to follow in order to own this business. One of them is that I can’t drink any of the magical products here.”

“Why?”

“Not too sure. Maybe it's so I don't take advantage of the magic I'm capable of,” He turns to you and softly smiles.

You nod, returning the smile before taking a sip of your strawberry latte. Your eyes widen, its taste definitely coming to your liking. It was creamy and refreshing. The bitterness from the matcha and sweetness from the strawberries blended well.

“Wow, this is really good!” You exclaim, making the boy make grin yet, flustered.

“Thank you! Its one of my favorite drinks too, without the flowers of course.”

“Are the flowers suppose to make the drink taste different?”

“Nope. The flower petals don’t effect the taste, just the conditions of your wish.”

11:32 am

The mood of spring is definitely present. The sunlight dances through the meadow and plants gently sway along in the breeze. The feathery clouds move across the fairy blue sky at a steady pace. The blossoms paint vibrant colors against the lush field, stretching far over the horizon. Like fiery stars dotting the night sky. From deep reds and bold oranges to soft pinks, purples, and beaming yellows. Mini white butterflies flutter around, bees prancing from one flower to another. Every part of nature seems so carefree, yet thriving in complete beauty.

You let the pleasing warmth from the sun soak into you while walking besides Hyunjin. He hums a soft joyous tune, eyes wandering at the scene in front of him. You let your left hand drift across the tall greenery that surrounds you. There’s no pathway or any structure for guidance. You just walked pass Haven Shop and Hyunjin told you to just let your mind wander with your feet.

“Do you ever get tired of the view?” You question and look up at the boy’s side profile.

One thing for sure is that you’ll never get tired of looking at Hyunjin. It’s already so damn hard to not stare at the pretty boy who you just met. His lips appear so soft with eyes of stars. His hair perfectly framing the structure of his face-

“Of course not. It never fails to amaze me! Especially around this month, when spring begins. I miss it through out the winter.”

“I bet. I get tired of the city view every now and then. I don’t think I’d ever get tired of this though.” Your lips curl into a small smile as you let your eyes focus ahead.

Up ahead offers even more for your fascination. In the near distance is a river. The water so clear, the pebbles at the bottom are very much visible. It glistens with reflection of the sunlight. The calming trickle of water becoming more audible as you both approach closer. On the other side of the river, the field of flowers elevate, holding up a willow tree. A tall tree with feathery vines that drape down, coming in near contact with the water. You stare in awe at the idealistic scene before you.

Hyunjin turns his head to get a good look at your face. Your eyes lit up with anticipation and lips slightly apart. It pains him knowing the emotions you feel deep down. That didn't affect how he truly viewed you, though. The sunlight didn’t help either, highlighting every feature on your face. The light was just singing, “You! You!” How lovely you are.

“No,” Hyunjin thought, shaking his head and averting his attention back to the willow tree. He has a job to do. Make you happy, brighten up your days with wonders up his sleeve. That's all. How could he possibly feel anything more towards you? He barely knew you. He just met you less than a day ago! He clears his throat before speaking, wanting to distract himself from the sweet thoughts of you.

“Have you ever been outside of the city? Like to the Northern Country, of course.”

“No, I’ve always stayed in the city. Never had a good reason to leave. Until now that is.”

“I see. Nice to know I’m the one to first take you to a place like this then!” He giggles.

There it is again. His contagious, yet melodic laugh. One that makes your heart flutter and adore, leaving your ears craving more. You let out a breathy laugh, joining Hyunjin on the joyous feelings.

“How did you start?,” You say with a light voice. Relaxed footsteps approaching the creek more.

“My mom and dad are pretty strict. They always encouraged me to open up a business of my own, too. I found myself very interested in alchemy and just helping people in general. So, I studied hard and here I am!"

"Good for you, Hyunjin!" You compliment.

"Thank you!" He puts his hands over his chest and lets out huge sigh of happiness.

You giggle at his dramatic behavior.

1:02 pm

Hyunjin and you sat on the grass, leaning back against the willow tree. The vines dangling from the branches that stretched out above made it a perfect canopy-like shelter. You sway your feet left to right in front of the river ahead; shoes abandoned to the right side of you. It's a perfect spot to seek for solace, especially with Hyunjin's company. It's like a hidden paradise. You didn't care if you didn't show up for work today. You didn't care if you were in an unfamiliar place. You didn't care if you just met Hyunjin less than twenty-four hours ago. All you want now is to just enjoy the present time of the happiness you thought was long lost.

It's like nature playing a part of sympathy for you. The sweet scent of blossoms and pines fill up your nose. The mellow breeze freely caressing your faces. On the outstretched branches above are the winged symphonies played by sparrows. The swaying blades of grass tenderly stroking both of your bare feet. Sunlight beaming down, reflected off the water and strained through the tree's leaves. The tree also providing shade like a tattered umbrella.

It is known that trees behold stories of many. It this tree could speak, it happily tell you how the meadow slowly grew and came to be. How Hyunjin would walk through the meadow day by day, tendering to the flowers until they began growing wildly on their own will. How every star fragment in the sky is visible to the naked eye, only if you decide to stay out at night. How the tree itself got to hear the magnificent stories each traveller told when they came by to rest. How it will patiently wait for you to tell any of your stories.

Every once in a while would Hyunjin's hand brush against yours. It somehow managed to make your heart dance every time. Little do you know, he was doing it on purpose. Little do you know, he wishes for your simple touch, your hand to hold. How he's too timid to do so, though. Instead, he silently remains cherishing every moment with you.

"Why aren't there customers at Haven Shop?"

"My shop isn't open yet. In fact, it opens back up tomorrow so that's when people should arrive," He states. "It's because of winter. Flowers and their magic effects, especially here, obviously die off in the winter. So, that's when I have to close my shop. And god it's hard going through a meadow with barely any life. I miss it. But that's when spring comes by and never fails to amaze me."

"Ah, I see."

"Can I ask you something?" Hyunjin turns his head to lock eyes with you.

"Of course."

"How are you really feeling? Like from last night."

You look at your fumbling hands on your lap, causing moment of silence before speaking. "Better than the time on the roof, that's for sure. In fact, I almost forgot that happened. I guess I'm enjoying my time here." You turn to gaze at him with a small, appreciative smile.

"Good to hear. And we're friends, right?"

"You mean you want to be friends with me?" Your eyes widen in disbelief.

"Of course!" He smiles and scrunches his nose, something that made your heart go crazy.

"Then, friends we are I guess."

"I think it worked."

"What worked?"

"The drink I gave you last night! I didn't put too much flowers so the effect wouldn't be so strong, but it's working," He remarks with satisfaction.

"Good to know," You giggle. Do you believe him? You aren't completely certain. You don't care about it though.

The comforting atmosphere and warm sunlight eventually made you yawn with drowsy eyes.

"Tired?"

"Just a bit. It's hard not to be when in peaceful place like this," You let out a breathy laugh.

"Here, relax." Hyunjin's hand comes to the side of your head and gently pushes it to his shoulder.

After a few minutes, your eyes drift off into darkness as you lay on him. Hyunjin smiles with adoration before resting his head on yours, entering dreamland with you.

Both of you pleading the world to not let this day end.

5:48 pm

You spent the day attending your university in the morning and completing your afternoon shift at the book store. Being placed back in society just reminded you how much of an ass everyone is. A crazy witch came in demanding for spell books for immortality. Who the hell did she think she was? A god? You told her there are no books of such kind. The next thing you know, she's complaining to your boss about how "lazy and stubborn" you are. And now? Your boss cut back your paycheck for "not doing your job properly." For a the whole damn month. You would tell him about the actual situation of why the witch was mad, but like again, your boss is an ass and won't listen. This sure wasn't the first time too.

It's been two days since Hyunjin dropped you off home. You told him you needed to prepare for school and work the next day and so should he. To be honest, you would continue staying at the meadow if it weren't for your life tasks. You already skipped a few days though. When he dropped you off home, he engulfed you in a big hug and told you to not leave the world, but come back to him.

What were you going to say? No?

Now, you are walking down the city streets on your way to the Northern District Doorways. Whenever there were crowds headed your way, you'd move to the sidewalk across to avoid them. Crowds mixed of Averages and the magical class. Despite the power difference, everyone ran on the same mindset of equality.

And here you are, slowly becoming apart of the magical class. Well, that is if you pass your alchemy class. From taking notice of the spell books in the bookstore, even that made your brain undergo an entire maze.

Schools for young ones who are Averages placed throughout the city. Then, further in the center are universities where people begin to develop their potential for magic. They have choices of what they want to major in. Medical, where you learn to heal wounds with magic. This could be sealing cuts or making potions with medical purposes. English classes where you memorize every magic spell term, mainly for those who desire to be witches and wizards. And then alchemy... Learning about chemistry of magic components. Yup, you know lots about that class. Well, in a way, you do.

You continue to stroll in the busy midday city. Buildings of many tightly packed together, resembling an overcrowded village. Buildings constructed of stone, cement, or wood that is either petrified or damp of weariness. The buildings roofed with dark asphalt shingles and displaying arched windows.

The paved stone roads that connected through and around structures. Small weeds growing between the stone cracks. The police stations constantly crowded with necromancers. Banks for your silver. Shops that make wands for witches and wizards. Clothing stores. Convenient shops that carry the basic magic necessities many need. Mossy stone statues of the greatly respected elders capable of magic. Planters nicely placed in the center, between the shops. Wooden crates outside shops that hold fresh fruit and bread. The roads that formed into bridges over rivers. The rivers for the canoes that rely on magic to continuously float. Post offices are very common throughout the city, too.

Post offices... It reminds you that you and Hyunjin should exchange addresses to contact each other. In the Northern District, phones simply did not exist. Instead, writing instant letters is the way for communication. You'd write a letter, put someone's address, and it will disappear to that person once you'd stamp it.

And then, there were the dark alleyways. Alleyways where mice and stray cats roams. Where the roads are cracked and uneven, homing the drunken powerless citizens. The smell of alcohol and smoke was faint but still unpleasantly present.

Continuing on are prostitutes offering services in front of their stores. Children running and laughing on the streets, playing games of tag and hide and seek. People gracefully singing on the boats below.

Oh how they are all only half of the structures the Northern District offers.

Your feet start to slowly ache. Not only was the transportation center distant, but you're walking at a faster pace to avoid the crowds. And perhaps, you may be eager to visit the boy in the meadow.

Stomps and chattering. Cheering and complaints. Bells ringing with doors constantly opening and closing. Your nostrils burn with the variety of smells. Scents of flowers and bread to smoke, oil, and alcohol. Children's joyous voices. The still air allowing the sun’s rays gently beam. It's all the Northern District just simply existing.

Entering the station, you approach the ticket booth. Good thing you remember the door number.

"Good afternoon!" A young guy greets from inside the booth. He has permed silver hair, small eyes and a bright smile with braces. A small name tag pinned on his suit, displaying "Jeongin."

"Hello, a ticket for Door 325, please."

"Of course."

He's quite cute looking, but that didn't lessen your social anxiety. You could scream and let out a dramatic exhale. You could run away and tuck yourself cozily in a corner. But of course, you couldn't just do that.

"Here is your ticket. Have a good day and safe travels!" He waves with twinkling eyes.

"Thank you! You too." You eagerly grab the ticket out of Jeongin's hand and scurry past the booth.

After looking at a directory, you walk down the hallway containing doors of 300 to 350.

You casually walk down with eyes swiftly scanning each door.

A deep red door of 313.

A mustard yellow door of 315.

And at last, the dark green door numbered 325!

A small smile of anticipation appears on your face.

When was the last time you were this excited? You could not remember. You simply didn’t care though.

6:27 pm

"Thank you very much! Have a good day!" Hyunjin smiles, courteously waving off the one of many customers.

He turns behind, restocking a glass bottle with pink camellia petals from the drawer. His mind seems to hold onto one thought ever since yesterday. You. He couldn't deny it any longer. The boy, once a stranger, loves you. God damn, he misses you, too. Feelings only growing from you absence. At the same time, though, the feeling of fret also fills him. Fearing that perhaps you may turn away from him and jump like you wanted to that night. Worrying that you simply had no interest in him, even as just a friend. He gave you a drink with alstroemeria petals, though. So that couldn't happen. But the doubt seems to never leave him.

Hyunjin's ears fill with a familiar bell ringing above the door.

"Be right there!" He politely informs. Closing a few drawers and placing the bottle aside, he turns around; eyes focused on a small insect crawling on the register.

"Good afternoon, welcome to Ha-" Hyunjin abruptly stops in mid-sentence as he looks up from the now dead bug. His eyes widen and a faint pink spreads across his cheeks.

"Hi, Hyunjin," You greet and wave your hand in a rather timid manner.

He suddenly gasps aloud and runs around the counter. Wrapping his arms, he forces you into a tight hug.

"You came back," He coos, head resting on top of yours. All of his doubts and worries about you instantly fade away.

Though your head is buried in Hyunjin's chest, you could practically hear the huge smile resting upon his face. Eventually breaking the hug, you both step back taking a good look at each other. He's wearing a white collared button-up. On top layers a thin denim jacket tucked in black pants and a long beige coat, stopping at his knees. His blond hair neatly tucked behind his ears, only a few front strands framing his face. It so desperately made you want to push it back, but how you had to resist.

"How-" Hyunjin gets interrupted by the bell, notifying a customer just entered.

"We'll talk later," He winks at you before going back behind the register.

7:13

Several customer came lining up in the store. After they received their drinks, they were out the door. You sat on the couch peacefully watching each pass. Barely two minutes ago, a customer came in stating he has a soccer game and in need of motivation and ambition.

"One americano of hollyhock for Chris!"

"Yes, thank you!"

"It has hollyhock and hyacinth in it. Enjoy the rest of your day and I wish you good luck on your soccer game!"

"Thanks, mate!" The customer shouts as he exits the shop.

After the place is once again empty aside from Hyunjin and you, Hyunjin runs out through the entrance before coming right back in.

"What was that about?" You ask while still seated on the couch, legs crossed and arms hugging a small white pillow to your chest.

"Oh, I just had to change sign to 'closed'. Do you want a drink?"

"Sure. How about... one not for me but my boss whose a complete asshole? Can I do that?"

"Don't tell me you want me to conjure up a death drink for him."

"I thought you couldn't do that?"

"I can't, I'm just messing with you! But sure. I'll give you a small bottle of the flower powders and you can put it in his water or coffee at work. What about you, though?"

"Surprise me a drink for success and remembrance."

"Sure thing, Y/N. What is it for? Only if you don't mind me asking." Hyunjin makes his way behind the counter, opening drawers, collecting flowers, and putting them in the manual coffee grinders.

"I have a huge test next Friday for fucking alchemy. I need to pass and remember as much information as I can."

"I see. So in other words, you're seeking my work for cheating on a test?" He turns his head to look at you, playfully wriggling an eyebrow.

"You really had to go word it like that?" You playfully ask with a small smile.

Hyunjin turns his head back to his work, carefully spooning flower essence into a glass bottle. "I mean, it's true. Note this though. In order for this drink to take full affect, I suggest you drink it the night before the test. So I'll give the flowers in a bottle for you. And! Make sure you study every single note you've taken right after drinking it. Then, you should be good to go!"

Several minutes later, the boy returns to you, lending you a mini white pouch.

"The bottles are in here, so careful. I labeled them too, so you won't get anything mixed up."

"Thanks, Hyunjin. What did you put?"

"No problem. I put statice and goldenrod for yours. For your boss, he has gladiolus with a smidge of coreopsis."

"Thank you again."

"Shut up, no need to thank me. I'll gladly make hundreds of drinks just so I know I'm helping you." Hyunjin's ear redden a bit after saying that. "U-umm... I-"

You chuckle aloud at his nervous state. "It's alright! I'm flattered." Deep down though, you're just as nervous. Why? You aren't one-hundred percent certain, but you think you may be falling even more for the lovely boy whose in front of you. It be more of a surprise, though, if you were to not fall for him.

6:41 pm

It's something said before; The world continues no matter who decides to continue with it. Time lives on without warning anybody. Slowly, it sure didn't feel like that was the case though. The day turns into the next day, then a week, then a month, and soon enough, many more. And as much possible free time you had, you spent it on Hyunjin. You'd visit him so often, he decided to give you a his shop's spare key to use during closing hours. You never used it yet, though, because he always had his doors unlocked for an hour more, knowing and waiting for you to come by. Occasionally, he'd invite himself over at your apartment, surprising you when you open the door. And then, no matter where you both were, you'd do whatever fun activities friends do.

Helping you study (and you certainly passed on your alchemy test thanks to him), going to book stores, riding the boats in the rivers below. He'd visit you at work too sometimes. And surprisingly, the mixture he gave you worked on your boss. Your boss became more sincere not only towards you, but to your co-workers. Then movie nights, picnics under the willow tree and cuddling. To your surprise, Hyunjin was more clingy than you'd ever though he'd be. On days where you were unable to hangout, you'd both write letters. Soon after you stamped the letter and it disappeared, you'd receive one in return. Usually, no more than 10 minutes later. You recall receiving a letter that was half soaked. He wrote how he spilled his americano and didn't want to waste everything he wrote before. He stated how he spilt it on his favorite sweater too.

There was a time where he introduced you to a friend of his, too.

"Felix, this is Y/N! Y/N, this if Felix! You know the guy who made a mess when making pancakes?"

Later on, you three decided to bake brownies at Felix's apartment which was just down the block. Oh how poor Felix's kitchen ended up looking like hell.

Then, when it was just Hyunjin and you once again, you continued making happy memories. You barely remember the night you wanted to jump, or the feelings you did feel. Hyunjin helped replace them all.

"You're feeling alright, right? Happy?" Hyunjin's asks lowly with a sleepy voice.

Both of you were on the roof of your apartment. Sitting on a bench, admiring the view the Northern District offered.

"I'm alright. Especially with you." You chin rested on his shoulder, looking up at his eyes. His eyes are one of the many things you absolutely adored about Hyunjin. They held fragments of the starry sky and displayed many endearing emotions. Eyes that you enjoy getting lost in. Oh and how they'd turn into the crescents themselves when he'd smile bliss.

"Tell me when you feel down. It doesn't matter if it's three in the morning or if my shop is crowded. I like it when you open up your feeling to me. I like knowing you trust me. M'kay?"

"Thanks, Jinnie."

If the moon could sing, it would. It sing about how cheery it is knowing your existence. It sing knowing the feelings you and your friend has. It sing out of contentment while the stars would dance. It sing knowing you've recovered from each night of crying.

The nights you've cried, Hyunjin was there right by your side. Pulling you close to him, sweet nothings would pour out of his lips. Sometime you'd talk about the mess in your mind, sometimes you didn't; just wanting his comforting presence to keep you. His presence to remind you that all is not lost. Then after, if you were up for it, he'd take you for a long stroll in the city.

8:01 pm

You both are on Hyunjin's bed cuddling. Nothing but the moonlight shining through the window, landing upon your bodies. Your head laying on top of Hyunjin's chest and his hands playing with your hair. You can hear his mellow heartbeats and feel his chest calmingly rise and fall.

"It's a perfect time to hangout by the willow tree. You want to go?" His voice ever so gentle, drowning your ears.

"Why now?"

"Pleeeaasse!" The boy pleadingly whines, making you giggle.

"Let's go then." You sit up on the bed.

"Yay!" Hyunjin immediately hops off the bed. Swiftly grabbing your hand, he pulls you to get up towards the back exit.

"Woah, Hyunjin!" You laugh at his excited behavior, like a child told he could get any candy in an entire candy store.

The door closes behind with a small creek and thud. The cool relaxing air hitting your faces. Summer is nearing, so the air is no colder than the nights before, but instead, warmer.

"Race you!" He shouts, before dashing off into the tall growing meadow.

And of course, you run. Running in the color-dotted field as it if were the stars in the sky above. Both of your laughters mix into the night air with the solemn singing of the insects. Hastened footsteps making crunching noises with the grass beneath.

The next scene is what makes you break out into a big fit of laughing. You weren't too far behind Hyunjin. He though, before reaching the tree, ended up tripping and falling into the river. The river whose currents flowed peacefully now being disturbed.

"NOooOOooOOoo!~" Hyunjin shrieks, now sitting in the middle of the river.

You catch up, standing on the edge before the river without breaking your fit of laughter. Hyunjin would kill to hear you laugh every hour, to see a smile painted on your face. Despite his love for you and your current laughter, he extends his arm only to pull you down with him.

"HYUNJIN!" Your legs and half of your arms now immersed underwater. Now it's his turn to laugh.

It was good that the night air was warm enough to not leave you both freezing. To your surprise, you both didn't reach the tree. Instead, you both remained sitting in the river; Bodies leaning on each other for support and comfort. Another thing to your surprise, you felt more excited. Stuck in a manner more playful than usual, like a child who stole his mom's coffee.

The field ahead decorated with more colorful flowers than ever. The black sky above wearing millions of jewels. The river currents playing its own song. Both of you aware of your hearts thumping like crazy.

"You know that drink I gave you an hour ago?"

"Yeah," You reply in a hushed tone.

"It's mad of pink alstroemeria flowers."

You remove your head from his shoulder to make eye contact with him; his eyes of tenderness. "And what does that mean?"

"Love and playfulness. It best represents friendship that turns to love." Hyunjin says in a barely audible whisper, but it's more than enough for you to hear. At a time like this, he greatly thanks the sky for hiding his deeply-reddened face. "C-can I show you something?"

"Hm?"

Hyunjin's lips crash onto yours not a second later. The gap between you both who desired to be filled had it wish granted. His plump lips were soft on yours, both passionately moving in sync. His lips gave off a taste of sweetness; lips completely sugarcoated. And he could say the same for yours. He eventually pulls away, only to rest his forehead against yours. Eyes lovingly gazing into one another’s. You both sweetly smile, not daring to break eye contact. It feels like the world came to a stop for the two of you.

"You know, you have to pay me back for all those drinks I made for you. How about you do that by coming on a date with me?"

"I'll have to think about that," You say mischievously.

Hyunjin leans in to give you another kiss, one quick but still sweet.

"How about now?"

And that night, the willow tree had another story to keep.

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: SKZ Materialist*.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

156 notes · View notes

janiedean · 3 years

Note

if you ever wrote that rant about grrm making jon his chosen one deconstruction i'd be very happy to read it 👀

hello anon sorry for the lateness but here we go *deep breath*

sssooo, I had once ranted about it though not mentioning the thing I mentioned in those tags so lemme see if I can find the op and like... cp the main argument and amend it bc it was long, but okay so I found it, original anon asked me: why is Jon considered to be one of the most special characters grrm created? Why is he not the typical hero of fantasy books?, my original answer was here if anyone wants to go there but basically lemme just cp the first part making it shorter and then I'm adding:

first thing, the Typical Post-Tolkien Chosen One With A Shitty Life Before He Finds Out He Is Chosen™ character (I’m saying post-tolkien because every fantasy writer in existence who copies tolkien thinks that lotr went like that and instead it didn’t) usually goes through the following steps: his life sucks up until the beginning of the series, his family generally hates him/her or doesn’t appreciate them or abuses them or anyway doesn’t make their life easier and they’ve never known any different, but *something* never quite worked right and they always knew something was missing in their life, they just didn’t know why. suddenly someone who knows they were Chosen™ shows up and tells them that they’re actually Special because of this this and that and they have a quest to go on to save the world or something. our hero/heroine obviously is finally validated and while their quest is hard and full of hardships and maybe they lose a few friends along the way, finding out that they were Chosen gives their life meaning, they usually find love/friends/everything they didn’t have before until they fulfill the Prophecy™ and live more or less happily ever after, possibly after hooking up with the Person Of Their Dreams with whom they had UST up until the last twenty pages of the book. basically: being Chosen™ in regular fantasy novels is a good thing because suddenly you’re special and all the crap you suffered acquires a new meaning and in the end it made your life better.

jon snow is a complete overhaul of about everything in this sense because

instead of having a family who hates him he has a family who actually mostly loves him, and with ned it’s arguably so much that he risks royal treason by keeping him hidden from his *best friend* - sure, there’s cat and peripherally sansa, but his issues stem from the fact that he feels lesser because he’s a bastard (as far as he knows) and it’s a *class* issue, not a *my family hates me* issue not counting catelyn obv but that's what gives him freudian issues more on that in the emended part later

no one actually knows that he’s Chosen™ - like mel could get there and probably will and someone will put two and two together when his parentage comes out in the open, but he doesn’t have a gandalf or mentor who shows him The Way Towards His Quest

so instead of going from ‘my life sucks but I’m going on a quest which is gonna be a+’ he actively chooses to leave a fairly decent situation (a household he knows, siblings who love him - ned actually hoped he’d become robb’s counselor or right hand man or something from what we can gather) because he feels like he has to prove he’s better than his name and goes to the Crappiest Place In Westeros. like idk if people grasp it, but the wall is basically a prison and at the ripe age of fourteen he decides that it’s totally a good and honorable choice (his only choice actually) to go defend the realm in the freezing cold along with a bunch of criminals/derelicts/rejects of society

at which point he makes friends among said rejects and let’s remember that it’s the point where he actually has to do his first an only privilege when donal noye made him go like hey you were brought up with nobles these ppl are here because they stole bread, and that helps making him more into the person he is rn but like your tyopical fantasy hero who has had a shitty life doesn’t usually have to acknowledge that other people might have had it worse

then he goes on the Quest where he finds his first One True Love, and that’s where it turns even worse because usually the quest is where things start to go right for the Hero™, instead for jon they start to go wronger, because first he has to go undercover which pretty much tests most of his belief/code system, he falls in love with a girl he has to betray, half of his friends and his lord commander die along the way, while he’s off doing his thing winterfell gets taken/burned and robb dies when jon openly stated that he also was going to the wall to defend his family and keep them safe (yeaaah worked out real well), when he goes back to the wall he has to fight the people he lived with for months, the woman he loves dies in his arms and he can’t do anything about it and he’s aware it couldn’t have gone any other way, people put defending the wall on him and then put his loyalty in question, when stannis shows up with a legitimization (which is everything he ever wanted) he refuses because he doesn’t want to accidentally steal his siblings’s inheritance (which was what cat was so worried about hahaha) and actively chooses the crappy defending the realm life all over again. also in all this time his being Chosen™ hasn’t manifested or helped him in any way whatsoever - actually all his honor-moral code related baggage is what moral dilemmas come from that. like, your usual chosen hero™ would always take the right decision and it all turns out good eventually, jon takes the morally right decision and it all turns SOUR eventually

at this point he finally gets elected LC, thanks to his friends also pitching in, which is about the one fantasy hero™ thing that’s happened for now. should be good, yes?

lol no, because he ends up with THAT hellish responsibility at sixteen, since he thinks that he has absolutely to be even better than that now and he has very specific notions about how you should lead and he knows he has to take unpopular decisions/decisions that he doesn’t necessarily like, he ends up either having to send his friends away forreal (sam) or detaching from them (pyp/grenn/the likes) and when as far as he knows he learns that his sister is married to ramsay he can’t do anything about it

never mind that it’s the same situation as when he had to pick the watch or robb in book one - he went there to defend his family and now being there actually prevents him from helping them in person. ops. meanwhile he’s trying to implement a new vision of things which is modern and smart and actually makes sense because why fighting the wildlings when you have ZOMBIES coming. your usual Chosen One™ would get people to approve just because he’s the Chosen One

instead jon gets stabbed to death - okay, that was also because he wanted to go get arya but it was the last straw, people were pissed over the wildlings plan first and foremost

so basically he’s gone through all the Chosen One™ steps but in reverse - he loses his family which did love him instead of finding another one that makes the first pale in comparison, he does find a new one who loves him but has to alienate most of its members for responsibility reasons as a consequence of what should have been the crowning achievement of his life choices (which eventually is NOT one), he falls in love and they don’t drag the UST forever but they never get a chance to be together without small print in between, he chooses the admittedly most masochistic life he could for his family as well and half of them die and he can’t do a thing for the other half, every other mentor-like figure he runs into after ned dies, instead of finding validation he ends up having to isolate himself and on top of everything HE STILL DOESN’T FUCKING KNOW HE’S THE CHOSEN ONE™

so instead of his life going better the more he learns stuff and matures as a person, he gets murdered. by the people he trusts and who were supposed to be his new family. haha?

never mind that when he finds out he’s the Chosen One™ it won’t bring him closure because all he ever wanted was being full stark like his father/siblings and then bam he’s going to find out his father’s actually targaryen and what does that even mean to him?

on top of that being AA will just be a pain because I don’t believe for a second he’s not going to get leftover ptsd and who the hell is gonna help him deal with it? or how is he ever getting over his *brothers* murdering him? and people are going to ask stuff of him all over again and he’s gonna have to go slay a mythical monster and if I know grrm it’s not gonna be fun, pretty or cathartic FOR HIM

on top of that, Chosen Hero™ fulfills the prophecy and gets a realm to rule and everyone lives happily ever after. money is that if jon does get that realm (and I think he is because he has the best claim if he's legitimate and most likely it'll turn out he was on the targ side but ROBB also legitimized him so he has double the legitimization), he’s going to hate every second of it and he’ll take it because a) duty, b) literally no one else is available, and like this guy didn’t want to rule a realm or be a king or anything he just wanted to be a stark, and instead he’s going to have to after all that shit thanks to Magical And Noble Heritage he hadn’t even known he had and probably didn’t even want up to that point because since when jon wanted to be a targ? yeah since never

obviously I hope he manages to be somewhat happy regardless because the alternative is too miserable, but basically being a Chosen Hero™ is what makes jon’s life worse rather than better and the fact that hew went through all the regular self-discovery journey for the fantasy hero list doesn’t mean he’s not flipping that over in his sl. the fact that he stayed a decent person more or less throughout it and that he hasn’t turned into a bitter asshole also doesn’t change the main point XD

tldr: jon snow is not a typical fantasy hero because he deconstructs that trope into tiny little bits same as robb deconstructed the arthurian flawless king hero trope

now ^^^^^ THAT was what I originally wrote for that meta but adding on to what I said in those tags

okay so... there is a certain tendency to also make the chosen one™ special in the sense that he's kind of goals - good looking, rich or set to inherit, gallant, takes the initiative, he's like.. social or anyway immediately makes friends etc and all that jazz which jon... doesn't really fit

like jon is an introvert who immediately makes friends just with outcasts and his siblings also bc he feels like one but he's hardly a social butterfly and charms everyone wherever he walks by

I mean ffs says all that the only person he charmed in that sense is stannis who is the literal only person in charge in the books who is more introvert than him and has worse communication issues and appreciates ppl going straight to the point

on top of that in the book he looks like ned.... and arya looks like ned and ned isn't described as being particularly handsome that was brandon so he's not even like... I mean kit h. is v. pretty and I think he was a good choice for the role and I'll die on the hill that he was born to play that character and he did it well but book!jon doesn't have that kinda pretty face so the concept that he's the HOT alternative to anyone to me is kind of iffy bc he's not

he's shit at social interactions and at PR which is why robb and him would have been a key winning ticket like he has a better idea of the larger picture but robb would have actually made sure ppl didn't turn against them bc he actually was good at that but like he doesn't go around rallying armies in his name does he

the one time he's been with a girl it was ygritte and like he courted her without realizing it and then she had to pursue him and he barely knew wtf to do on top of the fact that they slept with ghost in the middle of them like a sword which..... is.... I mean sleeping with the sword in the middle was a thing to make sure the maiden stayed a maiden and he's the one who is like i CAN'T HAVE SEX WITH HER EVEN IF I WANT TO BECAUSE I'M TECHNICALLY SPYING ON THEM like... he's not... gallant-knight coded

never mind that the moment they do the do she basically does everything until he decides to try the oral which I mean... isn't exactly alphadominatingmale out of jon which is not a given with the trope he's supposed to represent like he's not smooth he's not suave he's like WHAT THE FUCK when ygritte tells him he has a pretty face bc most likely no one else told him that and he like... doesn't pursue people like that in general which is also not exactly 100% what that trope usually goes for

we can add that he has a lot of passive-aggressive little shit sarcasm in him that they didn't let him go for in the show but like... usually chosen heroes™ don't think what he thinks about selyse in general

we can also add that he's not automatically above being better than his position like... he doesn't take winterfell bc ygritte is dead but he did think he'd have taken the deal sansa or not if stannis had said he could marry her and not val and if she wasn't dead, he basically went off the rails at the dude he was fighting with thinking about robb telling him that he couldn't be lord of wf because he was a bastard and he's absolutely not in the frame of mind of 'well I was born a bastard who cares it doesn't define me'

he's obsessed to the point of unhealthy with actually being defined by it which is why he was better off with the wildlings aka the only idiots in the realm who don't gaf about that

and that's like... I mean usually if chosen ones™ have parental issues it's like 'you were an orphan and raised by asses who weren't your parents but your parents loved you and you'll find out at some point and you'll be happier for it and make your own family', jon is like... he has the mommy freudian issues of the century bc of how cat treated him, on the other side he's obsessed with living up to ned's/his father's name and he hates that it makes him not-belonging or that he feels like he doesn't even if he does with his siblings, and at the same time when the truth about it comes out he's going to get the cold shower of the century bc like - he's spent all that time thinking BUT DID MY MOTHER WANT ME WHO WAS MY MOTHER and he's going to find out of who it was and how he was born and honestly considering that lyanna most likely did regret running with rhaegar the moment he finds that out and that she died birthing him how is he going to feel? - also he spends his life wanting to live up to his 'father's' name aka ned aka someone known to be honorable to a fault and then it turns out his bio father is... the dude who started that entire rebellion not doing a very honorable thing? - also if jon*erys is a thing idt that he'd take 'I fell in love with my aunt' so nonchalantly as he did in the show tldr: he's never gonna get over his parental issues in a short time and when that particular brick hits him in the face it won't be pretty

like the entire point of jon is that he goes through all the chosenone™ cursus honorum as we'd call it in high school when studying latin but each step that means smth good for the usual chosenone™ to him is something bad, being one is not going to make his life better and throughout the entire thing he does not fit that stereotype when it comes to look, personality, basic traits and familial history and like hell he's going to have the happy ending tied up with the bow - like I think he gets a bittersweet one and eventually goes off with the wildlings bc he belongs there after being jon snow first of his name (bc like hell he's not reclaiming his bastard background at the end of this entire mess I'm eating my hat if he doesn't) after splitting the seven realms and fixing things but that's hardly the neat happy ending the chosenone™ usually gets so that's my two cents

... christ this was long *raises hands*

#jon snow #tagging for the lulz i guess #janie writes meta #ch: jon snow #long post for ts #tldr jon snow is a kurt cobain stan in disguise in westeros and chosenones™ aren't nirvana stan coded #and i'm dying on this hill xD

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weuschoiceheart · 3 years

Text

⋘I-Land / Enhypen⋙ Love, I-Land (special chapter)

Tagging: @mari-kigold @akira-star @affectionaterainoflove @enhypenthusiast @periwinkle-ink

Genre: just very nostalgic :))

Word Count: 2k+

Jay knew something was up when he walked into a dead silent Hybe building.

Looking around, he frowned at the emptiness. Am I too early? Too late? Checking his watch, he realized that he was exactly on time. So where is everyone?

Sitting down on the couch, he decided to wait for everyone in the lounge. Perhaps the other members were playing some trick on him, to scare him when he lets his guard down. None of the other Hybe artists were here today, since Bang PD had let everyone take the day off, so the silence felt disorienting.

A beep from Jay’s phone startled him out of his thoughts, and he clicked on the notification.

Location change: go back to where we started. See you at the reunion!

“Go back to where we started…” Jay muttered, a smile spread across his face as he thought back to the old box in the woods.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Remember when we first came here?” Youngbin sighed as he, Jimin, and Sungchul walked through the forest. “It seems so long ago.”

“Yeah…” Jimin stretched his arms above his head, pointing at the familiar building coming into view. “And we’re here.”

“It still hasn’t changed,” Sungchul said in awe, watching as the black door slowly flipped open and the three of them walked in. “I can’t wait to see everyone again.”

------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Wow...I can’t believe it’s been a year already,” K traced the sides of the egg gate. “Everything feels older.”

“No, it’s just you getting old,” Kyungmin teased, ducking behind Nicholas before K could smack him. “I’m kidding, I’m kidding.”

“Remember when we waited for you to come back from the dance unit test?” EJ asked. “You guys were so cool performing on stage.”

K smiled, thinking back to the old memories. The feeling of being on stage again, giving all he got to keep from getting eliminated. The cheers from the other boys, the smiles at the camera. He still recalled the nervous feeling of waiting for the results, and most of all, he vividly remembered the moment he, Jungwon, and Sunghoon got back to I-Land and hearing—

“Hello~”

As if on cue, the gate opened to present Enhypen crowding around the entrance, doing the exact same move K had created a year ago. Jaw dropping in shock, he heard the yells from the other boys as they tumbled out the egg and embraced the members they haven’t seen in months. Before he could fully comprehend everything, a wild blur of blonde hair suddenly launched himself onto him and Taki, wrapping his arms around them both.

“Taki! Hyung! You’re back!” K laughed as Niki jumped up and down, bursting with excitement to see his fellow Japanese brothers. Has he grown taller? K wondered, and he felt somehow proud and sad at the same time. Ruffling Niki’s hair, he watched as the younger hugged Taki, almost lifting him off his feet. “Let him breathe, Niki, we’re not going anywhere.”

“You’re finally here.” A familiar voice said, and K turned to see Seon making his way over. Grinning, he trapped K in another hug, and K feels like he’s finally back home.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Did you actually framed the shirt?”

“Yes I did, do you want to come over to see it?” Jay boasted, trying to one up Nicholas.

“He actually didn’t, he lost it when we moved into the dorms and this morning he panicked because he couldn’t wear it to the reunion,” Jake said, causing Nicholas to raise his eyebrows at Jay, who gave Jake a look of betrayal.

“You weren’t supposed to tell him that!”

“Well, it’s not like—ahhhhh!”

Before Jake could finish his sentence, a larger body wrapped his arms around him. He could sense the younger boy’s enormous smile before he could hear him. “It’s me, Jakey!”

“Daniel!” Jake tried to struggle out of Daniel’s embrace, though he was too busy laughing. “You almost gave me a heart attack.”

“He’s going around hugging everyone,” Jay explained, “Don’t be surprised if he actually gives you one next time.”

------------------------------------------------------------------------

The ghost watched the boys crowding around the egg gate, a sad smile on his face. It’s been so long since he had any visitors, and seeing them back brought some light in his undead life. Literally. All the lights had been shut off since the boys left, and the ghost had to make his way around in perpetual darkness. Not that he needs any light to see, but it's nice to view the sun, even if it’s just for a little while.

Turning around to look at the practice room he just came out of, the ghost could almost see the past images of the boys practicing there. The Fire team, organizing their formations. The Fake Love team with their hoods and shirts over their heads, trying to practice without laughing. The Flicker team, playing around with the curtains. It’s also the place where Seon first found him, and the first time the ghost ever revealed itself to anyone.

There was the lounge connecting to it, where Niki had played the piano and Heeseung had sung. Where the infamous arm wrestling match had taken place and the boys had played with the video filters on the IPads. Where they had cried and comforted each other, and where Jay had written his heartfelt letters.

Making his way up the staircase that the Grounder boys had also walked up to see I-Land, the ghost drifted along the common room. Here, all of them had sat while playing Truth or Dare, the hoodies spread out and “Made by Jay” was created, where they waited anxiously to perform. If he concentrates just enough, the ghost can almost imagine the I-Land boys filming their PR videos, and sheep Niki making Sunghoon laugh.

There was the dining area, the place where the morning zombies had sat, Sunoo had said “I’m cuter,” where they munched on macaroons and ramen. The ghost can almost see the nine reading letters from their parents, talking and joking around the table. There was the kitchen area, where Sunghoon had screeched about the pork, Hanbin had found the broken banana, and Heeseung had ranted about the ramen. The fridge was empty of spoons, and no one did any side squats to get rid of bloating now.

Moving on to the bedrooms. He had always wondered how K managed to fit his long limbs on the bed, or if he could at all. The mist that Sunoo had sprayed all over his face, and that Jungwon had almost eaten, was gone from the drawer, leaving only the empty reflection of the room in the mirror. The annoying fly that Geonu had tried to catch was gone, the light that Jay had turned off dark (no, the dressing room light does not automatically turn off by itself), all the beds stripped of clothes and necessities. Why Nicholas was sleeping naked would remain a mystery, no more Jay yelling at everyone to wake up and Niki going back to sleep right after.

The washrooms were next. He had to admit, Jungwon’s and Jake’s pranks against Jay worked pretty well, coming from a ghost anyway. There were the sinks lining the wall where K and Taki washed up like father and son, where K and Jay hugged and promised that they’ll debut together, where Jay scolded everyone for leaving their laundry around.

Out of the washroom now, the ghost lingered outside the room that used to contain the stage outfits and BTS phones. The traces of the boys can be felt, thinking back to the selfies and pictures they took together, to when they marveled at the clothes for their very first “Into the I-Land” stage. He peeked into the practice rooms where he can almost see the Pretty U team helping Sunghoon struggle through aegyo, and where the I Need U team played zombies with the eye massager.

Drifting down the stairs again, remembering how Youngbin carried Jungwon down the stairs to the practice when the younger boy was barefooted, the ghost moved on to the stage itself. He recalled every performance here clearly; the nerve-wracking audition stages, the dance and vocal units battle, the incredible “I&credible” stages, the moving “Calling” performance, and the iconic “Dive Into You” stage. Jigeum Buteo saying “Standby,” Jake’s “this hyung is crazy!” and the confused “Rival? Live?” echoed through the ghost’s ears. The memories of it all hit him like a truck (not that he would feel anything if he was hit by a truck, he’s a ghost after all, but you get the simile), causing him to choke up a little. He missed them so much.

Strolling outside now, the ghost walked into Ground, and reminisced some more. Here was where Rain taught them “Fire” and hugged every one of the boys. He could picture Jay giving back massages to Kyungmin, telling him how they must work through the pain to get to I-Land. There was Hanbin comforting Jaebeom (it’s so weird calling him Echan now), and helping the other boys learn the dance. Sunoo and Sungchul practicing “Save Me,” Jaeho practicing with Nicholas and Niki, Taki making faces at the camera. A blurry image of all the boys comparing and measuring their heights, trying to see who’s taller. Really, I-Land seems like a magical paradise, but he would never forget the fun times the Grounders had, and the hard work they put in to achieve their dreams.

Outside once again, he spied the matted grass on the ground and smiled wistfully. It’s strange, he thought, how it was still there after Jungwon filmed his PR video in his sheep costume. He remembered how adorable he was, how all of them were, showing off their personalities to get fans to vote for them. And now it’s getting dark, so the ghost moved on to the small light from a campfire in the distance.

Settling down on the ground, he watched as all the boys talked and joked with each other. They were sitting down in front of the large screen, where the final 11 had watched the fan videos, and pulled the benches around in a circle. Their smiles lit up their faces, their arms tangled in one another, Jimin’s head leaning against Geonu’s, Taeyong holding onto Echan’s hand. The scene filled the ghost with a feeling he can’t describe, and being a ghost with no heart, it was definitely a little strange, feeling something after a long time of emptiness.

“....and I just want to say thank you, to everyone for staying by my side on this journey,” Seon concluded, snapping the ghost out of his daze as the boy sat down. As if reading his thoughts, Seon’s eyes flickered over to where the ghost sat, and smiled.

Thank you for looking after us.

Being a ghost is lonely sometimes, floating in and out of places with no purpose. The smile, that one kind thought, ignited a flame in him. In a world filled with countless people, it’s hard to spot a lone spirit, invisible in a crowd. It’s even harder to make them feel at home, in a place where they’re recognized and wanted. Yet here he is, enveloped in a family who coaxed him out of his shell. No, I should be thanking you, Seon.

Maybe this is what the fans felt, watching them run for their dreams. Every Friday charged with anticipation and excitement, of finding who would get eliminated and who would stay. Away from lives permeated with pain, loneliness, and uncertainty, they found solace within these 23 boys as they followed them on this journey to debut. Along the way, the fans found each other as well, and a community full of eggies and engenes was born.

Thank you for the memories, I-Land.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

A/N: Thank you to all the eggies for welcoming me into this wonderful family. Whether you were a predebut stan or just started stanning Enhypen, thank you for supporting our boys. I-Land is over now, but our journey with the boys will live on.

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vicsdeangelis · 2 years

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Thank you for your tags about reader insert fics (and I'm sorry if I wasn't supposed to read it!) Because i'm with you. I have a friend who hates reader inserts fics and ranted about them - they say it's weird and wrong - which makes me feel shit bc thats what I write and it gives me comfort ajf pleasure and it's lit the reason I write but then this same friend goes on and writes fic that ships two real life people with wives and families and while I do read the fics and enjoy the pairing, I always feel like it's a bit ick? Like itself disrespectful to the people irl and their families? Idk but anyway thanks for saying what you said and I'm sorry if absolutely none of this makes sense💖

nah, don't worry, if people weren't supposed to read it i would have deleted it immediately after making the post. i just wrote it in the tags instead of making an actual post about it because i didn't want it to be reblogged

also sorry this took so long to answer. i decided to turn off my phone for a while and ended up binging the queen's gambit. great show. and yes, i know i'm late to it lmao

like, okay, i don't really care about people who ship real people together. that's always gonna happen, it is what it is. i'm just completely against it when people start harassing the "pairing" and their significant others because of it, that's where i draw the line. but like, what's the difference here? why does it become a sin, a crime against morality, when you decide to write down a fantasy starring yourself? like, people are gonna have thoughts about other people, whether they are sexual or romantic, and it's such a common, normal thing, but when you put it into words people decide that you're crazy, you're a fucking weirdo, you need treatment (all things i have actually seen being said about rpf)

it's not like i, or any other people i know who write rpf for that matter, make graphic sexual comments on the person's social media. that is an actual problem, because that's sexual harassment. you're going out of you're way to make the person see your explicit thoughts. or when the person outright says that fanfiction about them makes them uncomfortable, which i would respect because i don't want to make people upset or uncomfortable. in the specific case of måneskin, none of them ever talked about fanfiction (or they did at least once, but i don't know where, and if i remember correctly it was about them being shipped with each other, and not reader insert fanfiction, and they were chill with it. at least victoria was). i'm not making comments about how much i wanna fuck them in the comments of their insta posts, i'm not harassing any of their girlfriends (in fact, giorgia, call me!), i'm just in my own little space, living vicariously through reader insert fanfiction because truth be told, i don't have a lot going on in my life in the romance and sexual department. and by "not a lot" i mean completely and absolutely nothing, ever, in my 25 years on this godforsaken planet. so what if i want to get a little taste of it? what the fuck is so wrong with it?

and reader insert fanfiction has done more for me in regards to owning my sexuality (not in a queer way, cuz i've known i was bi since i was 14, but in a, like, being comfortable with my sexual thoughts and desires way, y'know?) and being more comfortable living inside my own body than any person, any movement, any cheerful post about Everyone Is Beautiful has ever, ever done. i still have a really fucking long way to go when it comes to loving myself, but there was a time in my life that the mere thought of touching myself disgusted me. like my body didn't deserve pleasure because of what i looked like. and those fics helped me. imagining myself being desired, being wanted, reading about it, it helped me overcome something In Real Life. so i'm literally not harming anyone as far as i'm aware, and it actually benefits me, so why am i the crazy one? why am i the gross one? i already live in enough shame in my day to day life, this is the one fucking thing i have, and the internet morality police wants to take that away from me. fuck me i guess, huh?

it doesn't matter if people "don't understand it", that's fine. my problem is when people are actively hostile about it. it's like, i'm not safe to be myself even in my only safe space. it's really heartbreaking for me, i take it very personally, because one of my biggest issues is being mocked. i know what that feels like, and i still live in that mindset of SHAME SHAME SHAME. BE ASHAMED OF WHO YOU ARE, WHAT YOU LIKE, WHAT YOU DO. SHAME SHAME SHAME. and that's what i feel like when i see that shit, i feel like i'm being mocked, like i should sink further into shame, and it just fucking sucks

anyways, sorry for the rant, idk if any of it made sense 😬

#ask

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nightswithkookmin · 4 years

Text

JIKOOK DYNAMICS: JIMIN'S LOVE LANGUAGE

PREFACE

In my previous post, I shared my thoughts on what I think is Jikook's love language, specifically Jungkook's; and how in my estimation Jimin is the only member within BTS that speaks it, comes close to speaking it and most importantly makes the effort to speak it.

In this post, I attempt to outline what I think is Jimin's love language and show the various ways I feel JK speaks it or comes close to speaking it more so than the others in BTS.

Now I have to state for the record that I do not know or purport to know Jimin or Jungkook or any of these members herein mentioned in any way special and personal other than through the content we all consume on them.

Nor do I intend to be malicious or disrespectful towards them with this post, to intend to strip away their individuality for the sake of shipping symmetry.

Thus, I reiterate, everything I express in here is my thoughts, my observations and my opinion and I pray you treat it as such.

Let the records show, also that, I will bug spray any fake woke wannabe edgy shipper with a Tuktukker complex that takes my words out of context, misconstrue it to suit their own agenda and then turn around to call me out for it. In the name of Jesus, I will avada kedabra your ass. Seriously.

JIMIN

I've always been fascinated by Jimin. By the person he is. And although I do not have a comprehensive understanding of this man's inner workings, he's got to be the most complex and frankly interesting character I've come across in all my shipping years.

His duality is confusing and coupled with his Libra energy, his character and personality can be and is quite often misconstrued and misinterpreted within the shipping community.

He is friendly, cute, funny, beautiful and ship compatible with anyone.

Very often, I find, most people cannot tell his personality from his idol self slash persona or even his love language from his affectionate nature; thus resulting in these bizzare fallacies and ridiculous assumptions about him such as: he is a flirt, hoe, clingy, homewrecker, attention seeker and a plethora of slurs and sobriquet that's defamatory and slanderous at best- its ridiculous.

I get that not everyone likes him and as such wouldn't hesitate to filter his words and actions through arbitrary metrics to arrive at conclusions that profits them and does nothing but help them make sense of their hate- Y'all don't love yourselves enough.

Not to say he is my bias therefore he is perfect. That would be a blunder. He has his shortcomings, he is human after all. What I'm saying is most people don't get him and as such read him wrong?

What's more discombobulating, is the stan who swears up and down they know Jimin well enough but don't see him treating JK any different from the rest of the boys in BTS therefore Jikook isn't real- insert shook pikachu face.

Then there are those stans with genuine shipping concerns about the love dynamics between the two:

Those that feel JM gives more to JK than he receives back. That he is more supportive of JK than JK is of him. Very often, these people would bring up the issue of JK not promoting Promise when it first came out as evidence of this- it's been years let it go.

JK not being as vocal and open about his feelings and interest in JM the way Jimin is and has been about JK is also another area of concern for these stans. If you try to explain to them its because JK is/was shy they will kick- your- ass. Hell, I will kick your ass too. I'll explain later.

Some people also- I know I have at one point- have described JK's interest in and descriptions of JM as a bit shallow and vain compared to how the other members speak of Jimin.

To them, the other members usually talk about how smart and intelligent JM is, how kind and nurturing he is. How much of himself he gives to them. That the way the members talk about Jimin often helps give us a glimpse into the real Park Jimin as distinct from the persona we see on the screens.

But then there is JK: JM hyung is sexy. He has pretty eyes. 'I want you.' Then he proceeds to drool over the Jibooty, squeeze them legs shut tight while struggling to sit through a Jimin solo dance without popping boners left right left around Jimin- Bless him.

I mean, dude nearly snapped his neck trying to catch a glimpse of the Ji-abs in the middle of a performance? Damn.

To be fair, the other members don't talk like this about Jimin and sexualise Jimin as often as JK does because, they don't want to screw Jimin's brains out? Cough, cough. Hashtag save Jimin from JK. Lol

If JK is sexually attracted to Jimin, how else do you expect him to express that? Never mind that he's done some of these things subconsciously at times. You know what...

Y'all need to give this man a break!

[RANT]

He was a hormonal teen- he is still relatively pretty young. It's ridiculous to expect and demand such high level of maturity from a 16/17 year old experiencing a nonplatonic love for the first time in his life and more so in an unforgiving and invasive environment such as that in which he found himself.

Jk and Jimin found each other before they found themselves and it's unreasonable to think that that didn't have a toll on their relationship dynamics. They are human.

They are each growing and maturing at different paces. Their relationship has suffered through its growing pains; Certainly, one person is going to appear lacking in one or two areas in one way shape or form and at any given point in their love journey. That doesn't make them less real.

Again, their careers and the pursuit of it haven't exactly given them the space, time or normalcy to explore what they are and who they are in a functional way, in my opinion.

Everything is moving fast in their world, everything is highly exaggerated and highly scrutinized. Kpop is not exactly a healthy space to foster a healthy relationship and it would be a miracle if any of them should come out unscathed.

Neither one of them went searching for this love thingy nor were they even experienced enough to look at their relationship beyond the convenience of it and the excitement of it- The orgasms were enough reason for them, I think.

I get uncomfortable when some Jikookers, out of good intentions, claim Jikook knew what they were doing, should have known therefore could have known the consequences of them coupling up in a group like BTS before entering into their relationship- let me stop you right there!

While this assumption may seem like a compliment to them it also perpetuates the adultification of early days Jikook which I find disturbing.

They were teens not grown adults when they fell in love. We can't expect and demand such level of maturity from them at that age as cool as that would have made them.

They don't need to be cool to be real. They don't need to be mature to be real.

Jikook is real regardless of whether they were thoughtful or not thoughtful about the consequences of them choosing to date in a group setting, or a homophobic society at the onset of their relationship.

It's ridiculous to dismiss what they are now on the grounds that S.K is a homophobic society or that dating a coworker is not inconsequential.

People date their coworkers all the time and there are gay couples in S.K.

Jikook were too young to comprehend the consequences of dating because which teen worries about all of that before popping one off for the lord? On which planet, sir/ma'am??Were they thinking with their 'ducks?' I believe so. But again, that doesn't make them any less real.

From what I can tell anyway, 2018 was the year Jikook had anything resembling a serious thoughtful contemplation of the status of their relationship- Well, 2018 and this later half of 2020 as some of you might have already noticed. More on this later.

But yes, this adultification of early days Jikook is absurd and needs to stop. And what's equally disturbing is the infantilization of the adult day Jikook- you can't expect Jikook dynamics to remain the same throughout the years. That's bizzare.

Don't expect them to be their same jeonlous, Jimlous, possessive selves. They are growing. They are evolving as individuals and as a pair.

I side eye the fuck out of these fake woke shippers and 'grown ups' who filter Jikook interactions through adult lens and tag moments like Jimlous and Jeonlous as toxic and unhealthy without taking into context where they were at in their love journey or even their age. What y'all think this is? Fiction? Get the fuck outta here.

Jikook have had to learn and grow on the Job and around their job and learn to love eachother under the scrutiny of severe cameras and weird Ahjummas. Leave them the fuck alone or I swear I will petrify your ass for an entire comeback season. Lol

[Rant over]

All that being said, I get it. The way JK talks about Jimin isn't exactly special or unique from the way the other's speak about Jimin. But it isn't exactly superficial either...

And yes, it's quite unsettling that he doesn't describe Jimin in a way that gives meaningful insight into Jimin's personality as distinct from the others', given as he has exclusive access to Jimin more so than any of the members- we have a lot to unpack today, don't we?

Then on the other hand, there are those who think the exact opposite and see JK as the one who gives more to their relationship. That JK takes their relationship more seriously than Jimin does. They see Jimin as a bit wishy-washy when it comes to his commitment to their relationship- this breaks my heart.

Often, such people will cite Jimin's flirty nature, his lack of boundaries with others amongst other things, to prove their point...

Grab a seat, this discussion is going to be a long one. Smiley face.

JIMIN'S LOVE LANGUAGE

Jimin first got on my alt-ship radar in Rookie King when he was given an opportunity to air any and all of his grievances accumulated over the years against any member or staff of BigHit but instead chose to use that opportunity to talk about JK and how JK's actions had been hurting him.

Prior to this, he was just my bias and I would casually ship him with Suga, V, RM and basically all the members- except JK. I just couldn't ship JK with anyone.

Back then, I had a vague sense of JM's personality but felt I knew enough about him to theorize on his love language and JK was the last person I thought of as capable of meeting those emotional needs of Jimin's.

Rookie King changed my mind.

Jimin wasn't just trying to squash his differences with JK, he was trying to get closer to him. To get emotionally intimate with him- this is one of the things that sparked my interest in their dynamics.

Because it wasn't as if they weren't close. They were. They had a skinship between them. Skinship, or lack of physical boundaries as I like to call it, is one of the means through which BTS achieve intimacy amongst them.

Jikook had that between them at the time, they went everywhere together, woke each other up- they were close.

Yet Jimin felt they weren't close enough. That there was a wall between them. Now, I see a lot of people misinterpret this period in the Jikook timeline as that Jimin was crushing hard on JK. He wasn't. In my opinion.

You see, Jimin was the last person to Join the band. This was bound to have an effect on his relationship dynamics with the rest of the members as he had missed out on two years worth of emotional connection and camaraderie with them.

He had had only one year to bond and get to know the others away from the cameras and in a way that could help him develop a sense of belongingness within the group.

Within this one year, he had school, voice training, and other activities that possibly got in the way of him truly building an intimate connection with the others.

He is the only member out of the seven whose intimacy journey got captured on camera. He had to foster a connection with the others with the cameras around.

But building a connection with people even in a platonic sense is quite an intimate and private process. It takes vulnerability, honesty, a willingness to submit and subject oneself to varying degrees of humiliation, a sacrifice of the self, ego and pride in a way that just strips you naked- metaphorically speaking.

And in Jimin's case, he had to go through this stage and process openly and with the cameras around- the second hand embarrassment I get from watching early days Park Jimin!

He literally had to be the clown of the group, the hufflepuff, the clingy one, the flirty one, the one with the abs, the loud and chatty one as well as all the tasteless epithets people now weaponize against him.

I believe, all he was trying to do at this stage was breach the barriers he felt existed between him and the others as the newcomer of the group so he didn't feel like an outsider.

That is his first love language- the need to belong. He has a strong desire to feel connected with people. He cares about people and connection. He's reiterated this throughout the years and even more loudly in the recent Japan interviews.

He wanted to be part of BTS both physically and emotionally. He wanted to fit in, to belong with them, to be accepted and viewed as one of the boys- BTS.

You could see this in the way he had adopted the mannerisms of the group- the skinship, the love language of the group if you will.

It is why when Suga complained about him not liking him as much, Jimin immediately drew closer to him and wrapped his hands around him, initiating skinship between them to show he liked him.

Jimin tried to speak the groups love language so he could bond with them but he also began to infuse his own love language.

If you've seen his relationship with his father you'd understand that Jimin expresses his love through giving, nurturing etc. It is how his primary care givers showed him love and so how he also shows and conveys his love.

The members have talked about how he would encourage them to talk, to open up, how he would listen to them, be there for them and give them gifts- the birthday gift exchange culture in BTS didn't exist until Jimin arrived in BTS.

What I'm trying to say is, Jimin has a distinct way of showing love that is unique from how everyone else in the group expresses their love. That, there is also an established love parlance within BTS that everyone speaks and that is skinship.

So when Jimin does skinship with any member he is not acting 'clingy' he is just speaking the love language that the group understands. But when Jimin nurtures and acts supportive and what not, he is speaking his own unique love language.

Now I have talked extensively about how Jimin expresses his in my last post so I will be focusing mainly on how he receives loves or what gestures he interprets as love.

And since there is a general consensus that VMin have an emotional connection, I will be referencing their relationship a lot for comparisons sake.

Tae is the only member Jimin got to spend the most time with around predebut without the intrusion of the cameras. This i feel allowed Tae room to strip back and be fully vulnerable with Jimin without reservation as is required of intimacy- which was not the case for Jikook hence JK shying away from interacting with JM in front of the cameras.

Jikook wasn't accorded the luxury of privacy VMin had to build their bond. Jikook had to build their bond with the camera's trailing them. How many times have we seen JK give death stares to the camera people for invading his me time with Jimin?

Not to be psychoanalytic but I feel, this is what induced the exhibitionist tendencies we see in them- or perhaps I'm wrong and this is just them being extra. Bless them.

Within the one year JM was trying to connect with JK through skinship, JK was also only coming around to understanding what skinship meant to him. They were evolving at different paces.

JK has the most walls in BTS. He wasn't just physically closed off to skinship in the early days forcing Tae to strip him naked in the bathroom, he was emotionally closed off too.

He is still pretty much emotionally closed off- he likes to put up walls. He had his own room at the dorm, does his own laundry, barely keeps in touch with the others or pick up the damn phone when they call etc.

Jk barely partakes in the group's established way of life except for perhaps the skinship. In my opinion.

It took JK a while to understand this culture of skinship though. And the members, all of them, had to push his boundaries further back in order to connect with him.

For instance, Jin pinching his nipples to wake him up, Tae doing- well, all of it. Go watch Taekook sexual tension edits, I dare you. You'll understand.

These members had three years off camera with JK to build a connection with him and even they were met with some resistance from JK.

All Jimin had was a year with JK. I feel Jimin lowkey coveted what the others had with JK and perhaps wanted to have that with him too. Why? Because of his need to belong and connect with people. Watching JK's dynamics with the others probably made him feel left out.

I also understand how this could have been overwhelming for young JK who was having both his physical boundaries and emotional boundaries breached at the same time by this person whom he he'd known for only a year.

That's just one of the major differences between Jikook and Taekook: while Tae was busy breaching the physical walls between him and JK, Jimin was attempting emotional heist on him. Bravo Jimin, Bravo.

So do I think at this point in 2013 that Jikook were falling in love or had fallen in love? NO. But what I took from that moment was that Jimin wanted and needed to feel a sense of belongingness with JK.

Mind you I said he wanted to belong, not owned. Freedom is a component of Jimin's love language. In as much as he wants to be kept he wants to be set free- To be be given the room and freedom to explore options and take risks without judgement and without sanctions.

This need is often misconstrued as him being noncommittal.

His need for freedom, I believe, stems from his being raised in a conservative home with parents that directed and dictated every facet of his life and wouldn't even allow him to pursue his passions until later. It took a while for his father to give him the go ahead to pursue his dream- which is performing on stage.

This is why I said in my last post that Jimin has a need to be in control of the decision making in a relationship. Being able to do as he pleases is important to him. Being able to control his own narrative is important to him. And the only person in BTS that permits him to have such authority over him is JK.

Now, I know you are going to say 'but JK is a bit possessive yadda yadda yadda'.

Listen, Jimin's need for freedom is inextricably linked with his fear of judgment and repercussion. What this means is, although he wants his freedom he is often afraid of what will happen if he should go for it.

As such, very often he wouldn't do anything without permission. Especially if he feels it's going to land him in trouble.

I fist noticed this in the 2014 Jikook bangtan bomb when he said he was starting to take a liking to JK but then right after he asked if JK was ok with that. Suga have also said, Jimin doesn't go out of his way to do things that makes people hate him- See this is why he needs JK. He could use some rebellion in his life.

However, this fear of sanctions often makes him complacent to and an accomplice in toxic behavioural patterns.

For instance, until recently, he would enable JK and encourage his acts of jealousy and possessiveness and even incite them at times. He would hold on to the thorns if it means keeping the rose.

But I see him asserting himself and demanding space within their relationship at times but when he does and JK withdraws he would act clingy around JK.

It is what Manila was about, what August 2019 was about and what April/May 2020 was about. I know some of y'all don't agree with my analysis on these moments, but I'm gonna have to stand by it.

Jimin is all about the balance of scales. The balance of needs and wants. The balance of fears and desires. It's just the Libra in him. Give him too much freedom and he will feel unwanted, hold on too tight and he would feel suffocated.

'I value my relationship. Spending time with my friends is gold' remember this shade?

Jimin's fear of Judgment comes from being a perfectionist and also being raised in a conservative home with a lot of expectations of him to be the model son as the elder male.

Thus, he instinctively gravitates towards people who are less judgy or have too much expectations of him.

Also, because he believes he has to work hard to achieve the things he wwants he wants to be loved, it would mean a lot to him if he didn't have to work hard to have someone love him.

It makes sense then that he would gravitate towards JK.

Jk embodies all of Jimin's wildest desires. I call this the allure of the Golden Maknae. Jk doesn't conform. He doesn't care about people's opinions of him and lives his life on his own terms- something Jimin is striving for.

No member in BTS is as free spirited, or as rebellious as JK is. When Suga told him not to get a tattoo because the fans would hate it- he's gotten it anyway hasn't he?

The best part, JK fell all on his own. And you damn right. he fell hard.

Still on the subject of fears, another fear I feel Jimin has that speaks to his love language is the fear of being a burden.

It is why he gives and gives and keeps giving. He'd rather give than receive. Which by the way, JK is the only member I have seen Jimin demand back what he gives him. Emotionally speaking.

Because he gives a lot of himself, he burns out quickly and feels emotionally drained quite often.

He has admitted himself that he used to drink by himself in his room whenever he felt drained. I assume he drank by himself because he didn't want to be a burden to others. Aka JK.

You see, JK is an empath. He feels people's pain as if they were his own. You just have to see him tear up while watching JM cry to understand what I mean by this. Jimin is a nurturer, he knows what it feels like to listen to someone's pain.

And if Tae is the one he goes to when it becomes overbearing then what does he need JK for? Glad you asked!

What JK offers Jimin is nourishment. A safe space for him to heal and reboot. JK replenishes Jimin. It is why he constantly wants to be around him.

Jk has been a canvas in their love dynamics from day one. They've both had to negotiate their needs and wants to make their relationship work. Which is something I find unique about their dynamics and why I believe they are real.

JK's lack of experience in dating, meant he had gone into their relationship without any preconceived notions of love. He's had to learn to love Jimin the way Jimin wants to be loved.

Coming from the background he's coming from, and having been denied his ambitions for such a long time, I see why Jimin would be drawn to people that are quite ambitious.

And even though, JK wasn't this person at first, Jimin has had to hype him up to the task. He pushes JK to be more ambitious.

When it comes to JK, I feel it's more about his potential to be everything Jimin wants in a partner and JK seems more than happy to comply with this.

Because of Jimin's duality and as a natural nurturer, I feel Jimin would also be attracted to someone emotionally open to recieving his love but not too emotionally dependent on him- the balance of scales I mentioned earlier.

It is why VMin wouldn't work, in my opinion. Tae is too emotionally dependent on Jimin. He ends up taking too much than he gives. On the other hand, Suga isn't emotionally dependent enough.

Again, for a man who's battled insecurity for years, it's safe to assume security, certainty and stability are an intricate part of his love language.

He seeks validation of these needs through the most random of things. In my opinion. He wants to be the one that knows JK the best. It matters to him if their clothes match, if their hair colors match, if JK meets his eyes in the middle of a serious comeback interview, if he checks all of JK's answers- hell, dude be whispering sweet empty nothings in JK's ears most times, talking about they are destined to be together and shit. You are me, I am you. Shit.

As annoying as some of these behaviors may be, JK is very considerate and tolerant of them and consideration is another one of Jimin's love language. This goes back to having been denied his dreams by his father. That denial flowed from a lack of consideration of his needs.

And as much as emotionally connected he is with Tae, Tae barely takes his feelings into consideration. And you see this in the letter Tae's written to Jimin. Or even in the dumpling incident where Tae put his want above Jimin's.

Not to mention the moments, JM have had to walk out of rooms because- Tae won't stop playing with JK's dam hair! Lol. They are cute.

People take from Jimin without reservation. But Jk is considerate as Jimin is of JK's needs.

Jk wasn't the 'exhibitionist' in that pair. He's a very private individual from what I can tell.

That PDA, that exhibitionism we see in them, that's all Park Jimin. He kinky. Dude freaky as fuck- we ain't mad at that. Bless him.

He enjoys public displays of affection. It's how he receives love. But PDA is not JK's love language, in my opinion. Yet he goes out of his way to show his affections for JM openly.

The best example I can give of this is Rosebowl.

JK understands that in order to be intimate with JM he has to allow himself to be influenced by him.

And Jimin understands that, as much as he wants to be close to JK that he doesn't have to rush him or force him into giving him the things he need from their relationship.

They are both very considerate of each other's needs, as random and ridiculous as those needs may be and cater to them in a way that is uniquely them.

Take the New Jersey live 2019 for example. Jimin seemed exhausted. Didn't want to be on another Live that night but JK clearly wanted to be seen on a Live together with him so he was there.

Another instance is the rock bison incident, where JM exchanged his toy for JK's just to make JK happy.

CONCLUSION

Listen, Jimin is in love with Jk no matter how imperfect you think he is.

No matter how much you think JK sucks at expressing his feelings for JM, Jimin loves him. No matter how close JM is with the other members, aka VMin, Yoonmin, Minimoni and the others; no matter the lack of emotional and physical boundaries between him and the others he will always fall back on Jk because none of those relationships fulfill him as much as JK does.

Jimin's constant need to be around JK could only mean there is some he gets from JK, a sense of fulfillment he gets that he doesn't get from any other member.

Keep supporting Jikook.

Signed,

GOLDY

#jikooktheories #kookmin analysis #jikook analysis #kookmin theories #jikook #jikook is real #jikook scenarios #nightswithkookmin #goldy #Jimin's love language

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aquilacalvitium · 3 years

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I started to write down my takeaway from episode 6 and it turned into a huge rant 👀

If you don't have Wandavision spoilers filtered and haven't seen episode 6, either don't read this or filter the tag

Pietro knows. He fucking knows. What does he know? I don't know! But he knows.

Eventually they'll probably drop the multiverse bombshell on us and reveal that this is Peter from X-Men but there's always the possibility that they won't. Maybe wanda accidentally made a fake Pietro which is why he's so different, and he'll disappear when Wanda drops the barrier. I hope not.

Vision will almost certainly die when the barrier drops, but he's the kind of guy who would convince Wanda to drop it anyway. I mean, when he was being torn apart, he was begging them to help the people inside! My dude was DYING and didn't ask for help for himself! He's so selfless!

We've lost our gal in the chair thanks to Hayward handcuffing Darcy and leaving her to get caught in the barrier. Asshole.

And speaking of, can we all just agree that if any of us were in the MCU, we'd all collectively and without hesitation punch Hayward in the face? Okay? Okay.

And Agnes. She's more important than any of us know. She's been showing signs from the beginning that she's not as clueless as everyone thinks and she probably knows exactly what's going on. But she's not strong enough to break through Wanda's spell entirely so she's still forced into the cheery, ditzy neighbour role. She's doing what she can to drop hints, break through and escape but she's not quite strong enough.

FINALLY after a quick scan through the tags and a following google search (possible spoilers for future episodes here) is turns out Wanda's children are MCU superheroes called Wiccan and Speed.

Oh and Wiccan has a husband 👀🏳️‍🌈👀🏳️‍🌈👀🏳️‍🌈

Back to the point I made at the beginning, though, I find Pietro's behaviour super interesting. Like I said, he knows. He's under Wanda's spell, sure, but he's more free than anyone else in Westview. It's like he's following a script that Wanda gave him and filling in the role he was given. Not because it's who he is but because it's what Wanda wants. And she's not forcing him to do it, did you see the look on her face when he appeared in episode 5? She had no idea! Wanda has nothing to do with Pietro's arrival or his behaviour!

I think he's under her spell enough to be tricked into thinking that whatever Wanda does is a good idea. He's tricked into liking her spell on Westview. But Wanda doesn't know she's doing it.

She's way more powerful than she thinks, and that's kinda scary considering how powerful everyone knows she is. She almost certainly cast her spell on Westview by accident. Maybe she was hurting so badly that she subconsciously called out to her brother across the multiverse, calling him to Westview. Maybe it started back when the spell was first cast, but he didn't appear until episode 5 because her magic was weakened by having to reach across the multiverse. I'm just spitballing here but maybe Peter was hearing her call for days before she finally started to think about him directly in episode 4. When she and "Geraldine" spoke about him and his death. Then maybe in episode 5 when Billy and Tommy asked about him and she admitted she was sad, she was longing for him so badly that finally her call for her brother became so strong that he was pulled through universes to Westview. That's why it took him several episodes to show up. Maybe the fact that he's from another universe is why her magic doesn't work as well on him, or maybe it'll start getting stronger over the coming episodes and he'll succumb to the spell more and more over time until he's as much in her control as anyone else.

And don't get me wrong, what Wanda's doing is terrible, but I can understand why she's doing it. I'm not excusing her actions at all, but she's in terrible pain and needs a safe haven, if only for a short while. Eventually she's going to have to drop the barrier and face the world that hurt her again, but she needs time to herself, in a little world of her own where everyone she loves is still alive and no one wants to hurt her.

#wandavision #wandavision spoilers #wandavision episode 6 #wanda maximoff #vision #marvel #mcu #pietro maximov #peter maximoff #scarlet witch #quicksilver

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tweedlydumbtweedlydoo · 4 years

Text

Mistake (Rafe Cameron x reader) pt. 7

Summary: You, a pogue and Rafe Cameron, a kook are friends of benefits, secretly of course. But what happens when you get pregnant?

**Mistake: Masterlist

A/N: Sorry I didn’t get this out yesterday! I was able to go home from the hospital yesterday and was exhausted. I think I proof read this but I really don’t remember. Hope you guys like it! xx

Tag list is at the end. Let me know if you want to be added xx

**MASTERLIST**

Requests: OPEN {CLOSED}

I am currently taking requests for:

The Vampire Diaries/The Originals

Elijah Mikaelson

Damon Salvatore

Criminal Minds:

Spencer Reid

Derek Morgan

Supernatural (I’m only up to season 2, so please don’t request something with spoilers)**

Sam Winchester

Dean Winchester

Outer Banks (Netflix):

John B Routledge

JJ Maybank

Rafe Cameron

********************************************************************************************NOT MY GIF, CREDIT TO OWNERS

“Please don’t start with this again, John B.” You plead. The two of you were on your way back to his house, where you’d meet the rest of the pogues to have a quick day on the water before heading to the Midsummer’s party. You’d thought the two of you had put arguing about Rafe behind you, but obviously it still bothered John B. All Rafe had done was sent a text message of the plans; He was going to pick you up at your house around 5 and then head to the party. You had been getting ready and asked John B to read the message and it sent him into jealousy mode.

“I just don’t like it, y/n! I don’t like the idea of you going as his date.” John B argues from the driver’s seat.

“I know that, John B but it’s just a stupid party and I’m not going as his date. We’ve talked about this.”

He rolls his eyes, “I just don’t see why he asked you to go. He could have asked anyone else, but why did it have to be you?”

You throw your hands up in frustration, “Oh my god, I don’t fucking know! If you don’t want me to go, then I won’t go!”

“No, you go ahead and go y/n. You’ve already got a dress and he’s paid for your seat.”

“Then please, can we stop arguing about this?” He pulls into his driveway, the pogues standing around waiting. “I want this to be a good day.” You turn to face him in the seat as he pulls the van into park. He gives you a short nod before getting out of the van and slamming the door.

“trouble in paradise?” JJ asks as John B storms by him, heading for the dock.

You take a deep breath, trying not to cry before getting out of the van, “You guys ready for a nice relaxing day?” You put a smile on your face as you walk up to them.

“So, I have some exciting news to tell you guys!” You smile. John B had found a spot to anchor and you figured it would be the perfect time to tell them.

“What is it?” Kie asks.

“You’re pregnant?” JJ announces, “Oh wait, we already knew that.” He chuckles and everyone else joins in.

You look at John B, who walks up behind you, slipping his arm around your waist. He’d finally calmed down. “I found out what I’m having.”

“Please tell me it’s a boy.” Pope groans, his fingers crossed. JJ doing the same thing, “We need another boy.” JJ adds.

You look at Kie, smiling, “It’s a girl!”

She squeals, wrapping her arms around you, “Yes!”

You laugh, returning her hug. Pope and JJ groan, “Not another girl.” Pope says.

“I’m so happy.” Kie pulls away, “Another girl for the pogues, finally. Oh, this is so exciting. We can go shopping and dress her up all the time.” She claps her hands looking at Pope and JJ who roll their eyes.

“I was hoping for another boy to even out the pogues.” JJ says.

“Told you Kie would be excited.” John B says, wrapping his arm around your shoulder, pulling you to him and kissing your temple.

You put the finishing touches on your makeup and add some more hairspray to your hair.

“Can you get my dress for me?” You point to your closet.

John B nods, swinging his feet off the bed and walking to your closet, grabbing the dress and coming over to you, “How long will you guys be there tonight?”

You shrug, standing and slipping off your robe, unzipping your dress, “I’m not sure.” You step into your dress, pulling it up your body and turning around so John B can zip it up.

“I won’t wait up for you then.” John B mumbles, zipping your dress.

You sigh, “Okay.. whatever you want to do. I thought you were helping Pope and his dad tonight?”

He shakes his head, “Didn’t want to be there and see you with Rafe.”

You face the mirror running your hands over the dress, “Seriously?” Your eyes meet his in the mirror.

He nods, standing behind you and crossing his arms over his chest.

You roll your eyes, “Whatever. I’m not getting into this right now. Rafe will be here any minute.” You sit down at your makeup table and slip on your shoes, “You’re going to have to get over your little feud with Rafe. This is getting ridiculous. I asked for someone to support me and you’re not being supportive.”

“How can I be supportive of a guy like Rafe? He’s a dick, y/n. He’s treated you like shit and now you’re acting like he walks on water.”

You close your eyes and take a deep breath, before standing and waving him off, “I’m not doing this right now.” You walk out of your room, John B hot on your tail.

“I don’t think I can do this y/n. You and Rafe, Rafe being in the picture.”

You abruptly stop and face him, “You don’t think you can do this? Are you serious? Oh my god.” You shake your head, laughing, “We’ll talk more about this later. Rafe just pulled into the driveway.” You snatch your purse off the table and head out the front door, slamming it behind you. He can’t do this? That’s his excuse? He told you he was going to be supportive and what he’s showing you is not support. You know you can’t ask Rafe to not be in the picture. That would not be fair to Rafe or to your baby. John B should understand that, but obviously he can’t push aside his dislike for Rafe to be there for you. How will the two of you make it work if he can’t co-parent?

“And he just despises you.” You groan, “I don’t understand it. I swear since we’ve got together, we’ve argued constantly.” You dig through your purse for your lipstick. Rafe sits quietly in the driver’s seat, listening to your rant. He can’t help but feel hopeful that maybe he still has a chance with you.

“I tried to understand where he was coming from, like you said, but he’s unbelievable! I need someone to be supportive. He said he would be there for me and all he’s done is argued with me over my choices. People change and you’ve changed, but he can’t get that through his stubborn head.” You huff, putting the lipstick on.

“John B doesn’t seem like he’s the guy to change his viewpoint.”

You nod, “He’s not. He’s always been like that, even as kids. I hoped he’d at least try. But, no.”

Rafe pulls into the parking lot at the country club and backs into a spot.

“Anyways.” You take a deep breath, looking at him and smiling, “Let’s go have a good night. No drama, no arguing. Sound good?”

He chuckles, nodding, “Yeah, sounds great.”

He holds his arm out to you as they walk inside. He had to admit, he was nervous and excited for tonight. He’d seen the dress when you tried it on yesterday and he thought you looked beautiful then. It doesn’t even compare to how he thinks of you now. You quite literally took his breath away when you came storming out of your house. Your eyebrows were furrowed in anger, a crease in your forehead, but you were still stunning. And now underneath the warm glow of the sunset, you were really glowing, your beauty shining bright.

You gripped onto his arm. You were nervous to be around this many people, kooks specifically. You knew you didn’t belong here. People judged you before because you lived on the cut and you know they are for sure judging you for getting pregnant with Rafe Cameron’s child. You’d overheard a few girls at the Wreck saying you did it on purpose to get money. People can be so judgmental.

You could see Ward and Rose, Topper and Sarah, along with Wheezie standing by the door to go out to the back patio.

“There you are.” Rose says, seeing the two of you. She smiles, “Almost missed us walking in!”

“Sorry, we couldn’t find a parking spot.” Rafe shrugs, looking down at you then at them.

“You must be y/n, right?” Rose asks.

You nod, “Yes ma’am. You look gorgeous. I love your dress.” You smile.

“Oh you’re too kind. Please call me Rose.” She smiles, “It’s very nice to meet you. Rafe here talks about you all the time.”

You glance up at Rafe, who has a pink tint to his cheeks, “Oh he does?”

He clears his throat, “I don’t talk about you all the time.”

“Oh, he does.” Sarah pipes up laughing, “It’s adorable really.” She steps next to Rose, Topper on her arm and extends her hand to you, “Sarah, but I think you already know that.”

You laugh a little, shaking her hand, “Yeah, I do.”

“Your dress is gorgeous by the way. And you’re glowing of course.” She smiles, “You’ve got that pregnancy glow.”

You run a hand over your small bump, “Well thank you.”

Ward is next to introduce himself, before someone instructs that it’s time for them to walk in and get started with the speeches. Rafe and you step behind Topper and Sarah, following after them. All eyes on you. You knew they were staring at you with Rafe and then the small baby bump. Girls gave you ugly glances, some of the older woman sending judging stares because you got pregnant out of wedlock. No matter where you go, someone always has an opinion. Ward stood in front of you guys and gave a speech.

Rafe pulls his arm from yours and puts it on your back, “I can tell you’re freaking out… calm down.” He chuckles softly, rubbing circles.

You take a shaky breath, letting out a small laugh, looking up at him, “Really? I wonder how you can tell.”

He leans down, whispering in your ear, “You have nothing to worry about, you’re the most beautiful one here.”

You can’t help but blush as he straightens himself out and giving you a wink. His hand never leaves your back, continuing to rub comforting circles as Ward makes his speech. After he concludes, you all are sent to your tables to eat dinner.

After dinner, you finally spot Kie. “I’m going to talk with Kie.”

Rafe nods, wiping his mouth on the cloth napkin, “Yeah course, go ahead.”

Before you even realize what you’ve done, you kiss his cheek. You don’t even know why you did it. You didn’t even think about what you were doing. The two of you at dinner, laughing with Sarah and Topper and a couple other people, it felt right to you, like this is where you were supposed to be. You blush, “sorry.” You quickly get up and head for Kie.

“So, how are the two of you?” Sarah asks, plopping down in your seat next to Rafe.

He watches you hug Kie, who gushes at your belly, and looks back at Sarah, “I mean we’re fine. Why?”

She shrugs, “You’re still in love with her. I heard she’s with John B though.”

He sighs, throwing his napkin on his plate, “Yeah that happened.” He gives a small shrug of his shoulders, “There’s nothing I can do about it. If she’s in love with him and not me, then I have to be okay with that. I can’t force her to love me.” He admires you from the table. You and Kie had made your way to the dancefloor and were laughing as you two dance to the music. “If it’s meant to be, then it’ll happen. I just want her happy. And if it means I can’t have her, then I have to be okay with that.”

You and Kie take a break and sit down at one of the tables.

“So, how are you and John B?”

You sigh, taking a sip of your water, “I don’t know. I swear all we’ve done is argued. He’s so jealous of Rafe being in the picture.”

Kie frowns, taking a sip of water, “That’s not fair of him. You said he doesn’t think Rafe should be in the picture?”

You shake your head, “No. He told me earlier before I left that he didn’t think he could do it.”

“I mean I don’t like Rafe, never have. But I can see he’s changed. Still, he’s the baby’s father. He deserves to be in the picture. That’s not John B’s decision.”

“John B doesn’t think like that though. I’m not sure what’s going to come of us. He told me he’d be there for me and be supportive, but all he’s done is caused issues and judged me for my decisions.”

She gives your hand a gentle squeeze, “I’m sure you two will work things out.”

After another song is played, the two of you decide to head back to the dance floor. However, that song doesn’t last long and a slow song plays through the speakers.

“Can I borrow, y/n?” Rafe asks, walking up to the two of you.

Kie nods, “Yeah, I’m going to check on pope and his dad.” She gives your arm a squeeze, before heading toward Pope.

He looks at you, holding his hand out, “May I have this dance?”

You put your hand in his, “So proper.”

He chuckles, pulling you to him, “Are you having a good night so far?”

“Yeah I am.” You slip your arm around his neck, “It’s been a good night.” The two of you slowly sway back and forth to the music.

“Good,” He smiles, “You know my family really likes you.”

You roll your eyes, “You don’t have to lie to me.”

“Not lying. They really do. And they’re excited to have another girl in the family. Not like we don’t have enough.” He chuckles.

“Yeah, sorry about that. I know you would have hoped for a boy.”

He gives a shrug, “I mean a boy would have been nice, but the baby is healthy and that’s all I care about.”

You nod, “I feel the same way.”

His thumb runs circles over your hip just like he did when you two started seeing each other. It was a calming habit; for you and him.

“You okay?”

He takes a deep breath, “Yeah, I’m great.” He looks down at you and you can tell he’s forcing a smile.

“I’m here for you if you need to talk. You don’t have to hide it from me.” You quote him, giving a light laugh, your fingers subconsciously playing with his hair.

“If I told you what I was feeling right now, it would completely ruin tonight, and I don’t want to ruin the night. No drama remember?”

“Just tell me Rafe, I can tell it’s bothering you.” You frown.

“You look beautiful tonight and all I want to do is kiss you right now.” He spits out.

You stare up at him, eyes wide. That was not what you were expecting.

“But I know you’re with John B and I don’t want to get in the middle of that because I want to have a place in the baby’s life and I don’t want to ruin what friendship we have going for us right now-“ He rambles on. You don’t know what it is as you stare at Rafe rambling on; the glow of the sunset on his face, the twinkle in his eye as he rambles on. It was as if a light switch turned on. He was your forever and as clear as day, you knew it. He was your person.

“Kiss me.” You interrupt him, the words slip out of your mouth in a breath.

He looks down at you in shock. Had he heard you right?

“Kiss me.” You whisper again.

His eyes never leave yours as he slips his hand from yours and cups your cheek, pulling you to him and pressing his lips against yours.

When it’s meant to be, there will be nothing to stop two people from being with each other. Whether it’s which side of the island you grew up on or if there was someone else. If it’s meant to be, the pieces will slowly fall into place until the puzzle is put back together again.

You’d gone back and forth with yourself about whether you should choose John B or Rafe, but in this moment it was clear. Rafe Cameron was it for you.

You knew you had to break the news to John B, but how? It’ll break his heart and you would lose him as your best friend forever. The pogues would be split up and would never be the same again. They’d have to choose sides.

Rafe slowly pulled the truck to a stop in your driveway. John B’s van was parked next to your car. Well, it’s now or never.

“do you want me to go in with you?” Rafe asks, giving your hand a squeeze.

“No, I need to do this on my own.”

He nods, “Call me tomorrow?”

“Sure.” You slip out of the truck and head inside. John B was sitting on your bed, his head in his hands. You could tell he was swaying a little.

“John B?”

He looks up at you and stands. He looked like a wreck. His hair was messy and you’re pretty sure his shirt was buttoned wrong. Is that red lipstick? “I did something bad…” His cheeks are wet with tears.

You take a step toward him, “What happened? What did you do?”

“You have to understand it was a mistake, I didn’t mean for it to happen. It just happened and it shouldn’t have. You didn’t deserve it and I’m so sorry.”

“What happened?” You ask again.

“I cheated on you.”

You knew you couldn’t be mad. You’d done the same thing, kissing Rafe tonight. You’d be a hypocrite if you were. In all honesty, you’re kind of glad he cheated on you. It sucks, yeah, but maybe the arguing constantly about Rafe and now this, maybe they were all signs that you and John B weren’t meant to be.

“It’s okay.” You whisper, your hand going to his cheek.

“Wait, what?” He sniffles. He figured you would have cried and yelled at him. Not tell him it’s okay.

You nod, “John B.. you’re my best friend. Have been since we were kids and I think maybe we were meant to stay that way. We’ve argued ever since we’ve gotten together. You weren’t able to accept the fact Rafe would be in the picture and now this? I think it was all a sign to try and tell us.”

He hangs his head, “I had thought the same thing.” He looks back at you, “I don’t want to lose my best friend though. You mean too much to me for that. Please.”

You shake your head, “No, never.” You wrap your arms around his neck, “I don’t want to lose you either.”

His arms wrap around your waist and he buries his head in your hair, “I want you to be happy. You deserve it and I don’t think I’m it.”

You pull away and stare up at him, a soft smile on your lips, “Pogues forever?” You hold your pinkie up to him.

He chuckles softly, interlocking his pinkie with yours, “Pogues forever.”

Obx taglist: @emmalvei-blog , @tregua-oca , @weirdbiwitch , @losers-club6 , @treestarrrrrrrr , @omgwhattheeven , @normatural , @lreincarnationl , @laurenron , @junkiemuppettxx , @beth-winchester21 , @divcrdown , @timotaychalabae , @moose-squirrel-asstiel , @tangledinsparkles , @prejudic3 , @lanarichards5 @ilikealotofpeople-younotsomuch , @fratboystark , @nas-marie-loves-u , @sunwardsss , @annedub , @jellyfishbeansontoast , @turtlee-says-rawr, @fanficscuziranout , @wellthathappened2 , @write-from-the-heart , @louisolos , @outrbank , @sunset-d-rive , @family-buisnes , @traumaflavouredjuulpod , @http-cherries , @k-k0129 , @mileven-reddie , @eclecticpuppyhollywoodhumanoid , @cinnamon-roll-seth , @teamnick , @rockyyc77 , @ellojustafangirlhere , @sataninsatin , @lordsagittarius , @helplessquotess , @katerosexx , @kiarasgold , @thee-sex , @sunshinemadds , @ceruleanjj , @nikki082489 , @ilovejjmaybank , @laubluered , @lcil123 , @notmcchkn , @ceruleanjj , @fangirlvoice , @maybebanks , @lolitstiana , @danicarosaline , @obx-beach , @katiaw2 , @hardyxlove , @kaelyn-lobrutto24 , @obxmxybxnk , @lasnaro , @thedarkqueenofavalon

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