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transmascissues · 3 months

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I’ve been struggling for a long time (almost 5 years now) over whether or not I’m trans. At this point I’m think I might be, but I’m terrified of loosing all the stuff I love about womanhood. The friendships, the clothes, but mainly being able to call myself a lesbian.

I think I really need to confront my gender, but I don’t know if it’s worth loosing all of these things that mean the world to me, advice?

fun fact: you don’t have to lose any of those things to be trans!

your friendships don’t have to change. sure, if you get to a point where you pass as a guy / are seen as not-a-girl in some way, new people might treat you differently and approach friendship with you differently, but the friendships you already have won’t have to change at all. absolutely nothing about my friendships changed when i came out; there’s no way of being friends that’s exclusive to women. and if a friend does treat you differently just because you’re trans? that’s on them, and it honestly might be a sign that you’re better off without them anyway.

you can wear all the same clothes you do now. my wardrobe hasn’t changed at all since i came out. i’ve always chosen my clothes just based on what is most comfortable for me, so i’ve been perfectly happy keeping all of my old clothes. my body and the way other people see me were the things i felt the need to change, not my clothes. i might not have the most masculine wardrobe ever, but it’s what i’m comfortable in and that’s the important part. if anything, being trans just expanded my wardrobe instead of changing it — i kept wearing all the things i always liked, but i also started to look in the men’s section and found even more things that i like wearing.

and you don’t have to stop calling yourself a lesbian just because you’re trans. it’s one thing if being trans also means the label doesn’t feel like it fits anymore, but if it still feels right? you can keep using it as long as you like. nonbinary lesbians and transmasc lesbians and lesboys and trans men whose love for women still feels gay and people whose only remaining connection to womanhood is the fact that they’re lesbians and multigender people who are lesbians because of their womanhood while also being other genders and people whose genders are just butch or femme or dyke and nothing else all absolutely exist, as do trans guys who don’t personally call themselves lesbians anymore but remain part of the community because it still just feels like their home; you’d be far from the first person to transition while holding onto an identity that’s still meaningful to you, even if it sounds contradictory to other people.

i’ve gone through similar processes of trying to reconcile newly discovered parts of my identity with the parts i’d already accepted, and you’d be surprised how often the answer to the dilemma is just “i guess i’m both, unless/until i decide one of them doesn’t feel right anymore.” i don’t talk a lot about my specific identities on here but they’re full of so-called contradictions. the thing about queerness is that it’s never been about making our identities “make sense” or “sound right” to other people. queerness is automatically looked down on by most people as wrong or unnatural or confusing or just completely unintelligible, and the job of queer people is not to make them more intelligible but to embrace them despite the fact that most people think we’re ridiculous for doing so. the only person your identity has to feel right to is you; no one else matters.

any shift in identity is going to feel like a massive change when your old identity is one you lived in for a long time and grew attached to, but being a big change doesn’t mean it’s necessarily a loss. of course, if it feels right to let go of some of the old to make room for the new, do that, but never feel obligated to do so. if you aren’t ready to let go of something associated with your old identity yet, let those things stick around while you welcome the new stuff in and see how they get along. you aren’t on any kind of timeline; you can take the transition slow and only let go of things once you feel absolutely sure that they aren’t serving you anymore, even if that means never letting go of some of the things other people say you should want nothing to do with. some of us are happiest when we embrace identities and ways of moving through the world that make absolutely no sense to anyone but us.

so my advice is this: don’t run away from this. it’s not fair to yourself to live your entire life in a limbo space of perpetually agonizing over your identity but never doing anything about it. the best thing you can do is give yourself permission to explore these feelings in their entirety, rather than only focusing on the things they might take away from you. i know it’s scary, but i guarantee you’ll come out happier on the other side no matter what you end up identifying as. knowing more about how you want to be seen and how you want to live life is only going to help you be more satisfied with the life you’re living — you can’t be happy if you never give yourself the space to learn what being happy means for you.

if, at the end of it all, you do end up letting go of some of the things you feel attached to now, it’ll only be because you found something that makes you even happier and feels even more right. and if you don’t? you can live the rest of your life holding onto all of the things you love about womanhood without actually/entirely/only being a woman! there are no rules; gender and queerness have no limits except for the limits of how far you’re willing to go to truly know yourself.

#this one might make some people angry but it’s the truth #whatever rules you think govern queer identity are fake #ask answered #trans men #transmascs #gender questioning #gender exploration

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satocidal · 8 months

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Hewoo :3

Random thought but imagine if during Suguru's spiral his literal ideal type appeared and it makes him feel like she's his spring and he tries so hard to be around her and all of that, especially when the next spring catches them and he catches himself thinking "I shouldn't have caught another spring, yet there I am, aching for her presence"🥺

You can do whatever you wish with this or just ignore it if it doesn't suit you, honestly T-T

I might come with more thoughts bcs I have heavy Suguru brainrot

~🦊

PLEASE do come with more because I love this and support suguru brain rot agenda always.

Tw: mentions of death and I know I haven’t written exactly what was asked💀but it sort of revolves around it but yeah

No because something tells me, his type of woman, that is, his preference is less dependant of physical attributes but more so on the personality. Like don’t get wrong, he does like what he sees, all the damn time too, but that wasn’t what made him fall for you. Geto prefers, in simple words, being the moth to a flame — Masochistic? Maybe, but just something about a love where it can and possibly does harm him initially intrigues him—he is the one of the strongest afterall, however could you hurt him? Oh, but you did—with pretend ignorance and mock obliviousness. I think Suguru prefers a girl who’s different to him—now, perceive this as you please, he could love a feminine person(not to be gender specific here but yk), at the same time, he likes louder ones—confident around everyone else and the ones that turn to a puddle around him. You see, it makes him feel alive. It makes him feel that he made you feel something and to him, is always more than enough. Suguru’s type is a person who’s like the breath of summer and the Night of A Spring.

It shouldn’t have happened, not really, not at all—not then.

Careful; he should’ve been careful, and alert. For now he sat in the corner of the room, in a part he didn’t want to be at—with people he didn’t know, wearing clothes he watched to tear apart and let his body breathe—but all on top of that, stood you.

“Wanna join me in this party tonight?” Glossed lips and bashful grin—it didn’t take much, or any persuasion for that matter for him agree. Now, he wasn’t sure why he agreed, or if he did at all and you just assumed his dazed nod, something very natural he’s gotten along doing you, to be a yes.

So now he sat alone in the corner, eyes drafting to every movement of yours, your hips swung— left, right,left —he’d been observing you for a while now, anyone observing him would deem him a stalker at this point.

“What is your type in women?” The question rang in his mind again—something, weirdly enough that had been bouncing back into his mind every few days—his type? He’d wondered then, not really sure.

But he knew now, one look at you and he knew what his type was. One look at you and your silly graphic t-shirt of some anime and he knew his favourite fandom; one look at your converse and he knew his next expenditure; one look at your hair and he knew his hands were perfect to braid them; one look at you and he knew, he knew, he wanted to wait.

Wait everything out—in midst of all that was happening, in the midst of a tragedy his eyes had spotted you. Trained themselves to even see you as he slept (I mean dream of you, not in a creepy way lol).

To where his mind once questioned his existence, he now lay wondering if you liked poppies better of roses. To where he once questioned running away, he now knew he’d run away to you. He could run away to you.

Suguru used to feel he was nothing but a sad, lonely, tired winter, trudging along until the better Spring came about—until the spring made people forget of him- until the winter was no more.

Wrong.

But then again, could you blame him at all? In those black sweatshirts and black pants he’d assumed he’d find himself dead- in that cold shivering winter he thought he’d end—in that gloom, he thought, he wouldn’t continue any longer, he couldn’t. He didn’t know, right? He didn’t know, didn’t want to know, if he could at all live to see another Spring.

When he saw you, the question wasn’t to catch a spring or no, but the fact that he managed to and he considered you his achievement, the most prized one. He could sit and deny it to himself, as he’d tried initially but no, he ached for you. Day and night, he ached for you.

So pitifully wrong he knew he was back then, as your form approached him, a grin on your face, “C’mere,” you’d shouted over the music—so wrong he was.

For while you pulled him closer on the dance floor, of a party he disliked, he clung onto you- his dark hair ruffling to your shoulders too—for just then he knew that you were his Spring. You made him forget about his lonely, tired winter, you made him breathe. As you wrapped your hands around his neck and danced close to him, nothing romantic and yet he wouldn’t complain because Suguru lived every moment spent, had it been around you, basking in your Spring.

And as he held you close, supporting himself with you, knowing you loved it too, he smiled.

—

“What’s your favourite colour?” You’d asked with a grin, brown raised and a chart in your hand, “We’re gonna paint your house that colour!”

He’d smiled, and before he could say anything at all, “Wait let me guess,” you chimed in quickly, “Yellow? The light kind,” a smile adored your lips, a squeal bursting to escape and it did too as he nodded with a chuckle.

Your arms found themselves wrapped around him, “I know you so well,” you’d laughed and stared into his eyes—he stared in to yours, knowing all too well that until the word ‘yellow’ had escaped your lips, he was sure he hadn’t known that colour properly at all. And now that you’d said ‘yellow’ he knew he’d fallen in love with a colour too—a colour of life, he’d smiled.

But the truth lay all too bare for until you had said the word ‘yellow’ Suguru hadn’t found his favourite colour at all.

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cock-holliday · 8 months

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men dressing as women is making a mockery of the transfeminine experience. We need to protect the divine feminine from any measure of mockery. We should gather weapons and storm our nearest Drag Story Hour and teach those degenerates a lesson.

hell of a thing to say when the harshest things being said regarding finnster were;

I can't believe people think a man dressing as a woman is 5th dimension gender levels

it would be nice if people were half as enthusiastic about giving even a modicum of support to trans women, especially when they claim they're all about playing with gender as a performance, which we've been doing this whole time ...

it's frustrating that the only real spaces for this are so highly specific to this one normative expression largely based in fetish that not everyone is into, it would be nice if there was more room for other types of expression

saying that he "represents cisgender fear of trans people" or that him crossdressing is "more of an affront" to gender than trans people is ... bizzare.

his fans kind of suck ...?

his fans kind of suck

huh. it's almost like it's been primarily about the fans this whole time. like, when his fans say stupid transphobic shit about him being The Most Gender, more hated by cis people, and "an honorary trans man" for ... passing as a girl ? of course trans women aren't going to just take it. The most uncontroversial, inoffensive and normative, cishet perception of gender being sung its praises by the same people that scoff at you for actually existing outside of societal norms,

and when you point all that out you're somehow silencing GNC people ... and now we're here at the 30k note post explicitly comparing trans women to fascists upholding bioessentialist principles like the "Divine Feminine", going to shoot "degenerate" drag queens ? maybe it's just me but I don't think that's a reasonable comparison

I’m not one of his fans, I don’t pay a lot of attention to what his fans do. If they suck then that sucks, but isn’t what my complaints were about. The opposite, frankly. I WISH that was the most vile shit I saw. And really it’s not even entirely about HIM, he’s just a prime example of shit that happens outside of him that has bothered me, and bothers a fuckload of other people who have shared anecdotes in the post. He’s just a public example of the shit that sucks to see.

I HAVE seen stuff related to the “I cant believe his fans think he’s on some 5-dimensional gender shit” followed up immediately by the assertion that he’s doing *nothing* by playing with gender cause he’s not doing it in a trans way, AND the insistence that all he IS doing is playing into the fetishes of conservative transphobes, which is always delightful to hear.

In gay male spaces, I have heard from gay men, trans women, and other trans people that wearing women’s clothes in the bedroom is fetishizing transness so anyone who wears a skirt to get fucked is a transmisogynist. Which then spiraled into “anyone who dresses like a woman without doing it in a trans way MUST mean it as a fetish and is therefore a transmisogynist.” Which again, is what I’m complaining about. That either your expression is a perversion of trans experience OR you’re trans, and if you deny being trans then it MUST be the first, as if dressing like a woman is wholly a sacred rite and never done comically.

Does drag often have issues of transphobia, among queens and kings alike? Absolutely. Is drag on its face transphobic? Absolutely not. Yet drag is a caricature of femininity or masculinity, often played for humor, also often played for sex appeal. So why is drag, the flaunting of, sometimes mocking of, femininity or masculinity fine, but other expressions of cross-dressing then inherently transphobic?

People will say, “oh I don’t think finn is transphobic because he xyz but his FANS—“ why is he responsible for them? I don’t know much about his dynamic with them because I don’t watch any of his content, so I can’t speak to him enabling bad behavior but if he is doing his thing and his fans are being shitty, I’m not sure how that’s his fault and encourages vitriol at HIM?

I also don’t think it’s wise to again invent a lovely binary of “he’s the most progressive representation ever and he’s singlehandedly moving us forward with his expression” or “big fucking deal nothing he is doing is cool he’s just stealing from ACTUAL trans people.” I keep seeing “oh who cares my friends are doing xyz” okay, my turn to say “who fucking cares?” Do you think everyone on the internet knows someone who uses xenogenders and it/its and hunts transphobes for sport? Ellen Degeneres sucks so bad but her coming out was revolutionary for the time. The first butch I ever met was my elementary school gym teacher, and her impression on me didn’t stand out until I was in my 20s. It is actually possible to be just eye opening enough to change people’s lives without being like The Best Rep Ever. I don’t understand what it serves to pretend like NOTHING is happening and no conversations are taking place because of what he’s doing, simply because it isn’t groundbreaking to YOU. I also don’t think it’s groundbreaking to ME. I’m bigender for christ sake. But god if I saw someone like him as a kid would it have normalized something for me or let me get comfortable experimenting with things? Maybe.

It reminds me a LOT of how a number of trans men came to realize they were men after engaging in MLM content. They of course were also accused of fetishizing, and then even after coming out AS TRANS, a number still are accused of going through all the effort to prey on gay men. There is discourse allllll the time on this hellsite about how gay trans men are just fujoshis. So, you know, bullshit transphobia framed as protecting “real” gay men.

It is bizarre to hold him to this metric that because his fans think he’s changing the game (which for some people I am sure he is causing awakenings) that he’s somehow deserving of backlash for not being cool enough. It’s cruel to accuse him of riding the coattails of REAL trans people, as it is cruel to do this within our communities. It’s annoying as fuck to see take after take scrutinizing him for behavior that exists within our communities that should also not get flak, and it would be soooooooooo fucking cool if we stopped reinventing binaries every two damn seconds.

The gross behavior is also NOT just from trans women by the way. I’ve seen a whole swath of gross takes about this.

And everything really fucked up that I’ve seen is like a twisted version of what cis transphobes say to US, so IM not gonna stand for hearing it out of the mouths of other trans people.

*I* don’t think it’s reasonable of trans people to swap bioessentialism for gender essentialism and insist it is rid of transphobic roots, because it isn’t.

You don’t have to like him, you don’t have to be a fan, you don’t have to think anything he’s doing is revolutionary—it would just be sick if other trans folks didn’t treat his identity or the identity of others like him like like some abomination for not “doing gender right like me and my friends.”

#ask #anophelei #long post

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thelesbianpoirot · 3 months

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Hello, I am not getting any younger and I want to jump back into the bleak lesbian dating world. Should I act like a normie to get a wife? Or should I looksmaxx and stay true to my lesbian separatist beliefs?

On one end I betray myself but on the other I’d have to do an uncomfortable amount of work to become more good looking. I don’t think women will care about my beliefs if I’m jacked.

What do you think?

Babe this is so real, people like to pretend gay women don't care about appearance and that every lesbi woman wants a low effort fat butch, but that is a BIG lie. Even gay women have preferences informed by society, few vary. So looksmaxxing will probably get you more women. I did get more attention my dating app pages when I dressed femme, but I didn't want to do that anymore, so I just get a good haircut, nice looking clothes, put stuff on my face so I don't have awful acne and take pictures in great lighting. If you can do a bit more, like working out, and buying a cool outfit or two, do it, but don't do shit you can't maintain because she'll leave you if you can't keep it up. I met a girl when I was 125 pounds, shaved and with long hair to my ass, and she did not want me when I gained 50 pounds due to health issues and buzz it all off. I have lost some of that weight, but I am definitely not 130 anymore. And I left her because I realized she didn't want me anymore, and I was not staying with someone who didn't want me after I recovered from an eating disorder. But I also don't blame her because you can't force yourself to get turned on by someone you are not. BEING JACKED HELPS A LOT but if you hate exercise, just focus on getting fit, basic walking more, stretching, eating greens, drinking water. But date while you're working on your body, so you know what the dating landscape looks like, so when you post those updated pictures, and the interactions flood in, you aren't too out of your element. SUMMARY: LOOK GOOD IN AN EASILY MAINTAINED WAY - hygienic, well-dressed, good haircut etc. It does help with dating a lot. But being an impossible to maintain transformation will never last and whatever relationship you gained because of your transformation also won't last. I don't start off relationships with strong feminist conversations, I like to slowly introduce my beliefs. You don't want to be preachy and annoying, but don't go too much against your beliefs. You'll hate being stuck with a woman who is your ideological opposite, so if you're looking for more than sex, I'll so be true to yourself, but don't bulldoze her down in conversations if she says something un-feminist, everyone has space to learn. I personally cannot date a someone heavily into trans identity, I have tried that, and I just grew to hate that person, because they would constantly try defend TIMS against any criticism, kept implying I was a trans man, and they just talked about nothing but childish things and gender. It was so cringe, I had to get out of there. Don't do that to yourself. But there is nothing wrong with not bringing up the scum manifesto to your date. Just talking about other things you might have in common before you delve too deep into specifics - books, movies, hobbies, sports. I put feminist in my bio, because I think if that dissuades any woman, she isn't my type at all. I also put "interested in sexual relationships with adult women" for the same reason. But I don't put "radical feminist aligned" because radical feminism has been given such bad press, that despite a woman agreeing with everyone of my beliefs, she might have preconceived notions implanted by anti-feminists and trans activists. Separatism is niche, not well known, so a potential woman might google it, and find some dumb article by an anti-feminist and think you're some weirdo extremist or something. Even if every time I have explained separatism to a woman, she has agreed sounds incredible. Slowly share more and more of yourself with people, don't excitedly dump all at once. It's just rude otherwise. SUMMARY: Don't try to ideologically trample normal women, but don't date your ideological opposite, people are more accepting of your beliefs after they have known you for a while.

#thelesbianpoirot

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scooty-spice · 1 year

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You know that feeling when you spend so much time thinking about a concept, never mind how basic, that you feel compelled to write about it somewhere? No matter if no one ever sees it? Yeah, that’s me right now so here goes.

TW: discussion of sexual assault

•

I see and hear an awful lot of discourse and rhetoric these days about trans-ness, gender non conformity, non-binary genders, drag performance, and every little thing in between.

Specifically, people who take issue with people who live in those realities and say it’s on the basis of protecting children from:

1) sexual assault

2) being groomed in some way that leads to sexual assault

And here’s the thing- I agree with protecting children from sexual assault. I agree with protecting *everyone* from sexual assault! But it seems to me like using those arguments against everything from gender-affirming care to drag story times at libraries completely misses the point.

HERE IS THE POINT: SEXUAL ASSAULT IS WRONG NO MATTER WHO DOES IT.

If you choose to sexually assault someone, that choice has nothing to do with: your gender identity, your assigned gender at birth, your gender presentation, the gender-affirming care you have or haven’t received, your clothing choices, or even your sexual orientation.

Here’s another way to frame it: a trans woman who sexually assaults another woman is just as much of a rapist as, say, the university student who sexually assaults a fellow student. I will grieve equally for both of those victims. Neither one deserves it. Neither rapist is entitled to their victim.

The reality is, one of those scenarios is FAR more likely to happen. But if anything has become clear (to me, at least), it’s that rape has very little to do with access to a victim and everything to do with the choice to rape someone.

Larry Nassar assaulted hundreds of girls in his time as a doctor. His access to girls didn’t make him a rapist. His actions did.

Brock Turner assaulted Chanel Miller while she was intoxicated at a party on the Stanford campus. His access to intoxicated girls and women didn’t make him a rapist. His actions did.

Catholic priests all over the world have molested children in their parishes. Their access to parishioners didn’t make them rapists. Their actions did.

These examples go on and on! And yet, very few people are interested in vilifying doctors, university students and religious leaders. It’s almost as if you can’t paint them all with the same brush, or something. It’s almost as if no sane parent will refuse to take their child to any doctor on the basis of “some doctors are rapists”.

So when I hear people say they’re opposed to trans people receiving gender-affirming care or using the bathroom of their choice BECAUSE it will create an environment in which sexual assault is inevitable, it makes no sense. Those ideas are dangerously misguided at best.

If you’ve read this far, holy shit, thank you. Like- am I way off base? Am I missing the point? Probably this is sort of heavy and a bit much to be thinking about, but I don’t know.

I would love for someone to expand on this topic - my experience as a cisgender woman means I probably have some blind spots and I want to learn as much as possible so I can help my trans siblings gain acceptance in all the small ways I can. ❤️❤️

#transisbeautiful #gender affirming care #gender identity #drag #drag story time #lgbtqia #2slgbtqia+#trans liberation #trans lives are valid

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rosiewitchescottage · 1 year

Video

youtube

"At 15 I Had A Radical Double Mastectomy" Trans Guy Reacts To Former Tra...

Good to see Chloe being able to get her story out, to so many people. Because this is something that needs thinking about, a lot.

Listening to detransitioners does NOT automatically equal

“I don’t think that being trans is real.”

There’s no doubt that it certainly is real. But it’s also very specific.

Listen to people who have transitioned to living as the opposite sex full time, officially, and are clearly far more content and balanced this way.

There’s one common denomenator that comes up, again and again. Gender Dysphoria.

They have a mental health disorder, and this extremely drastic step is what has helped them, personally, to be able to live more comfortably, in their own bodies.

I’m delighted that it helps them.

There is absolutely zero shame in having a mental health disorder, none at all.

I know what it’s like to be messed around by your own mind. It’s not fun. And it sure as heck isn’t a cute and quirky ‘identity’ that you can just choose to wear, for whatever reason.

If you’re a man who feels a lot more feminine, and you express that by wearing make up and dresses, go right ahead, buddy.

I support your right to do it. You may always look like a man in a dress. But that’s fine. You’re being ‘You’. What other people think doesn’t matter a jot.

In fact, ask me to call you a girl’s name, to go with it, and I’ll happily oblige.

But there’s a line. This is simple self expression. It’s not the mode of treatment for a mental health disorder, that over time spent under the guidance of mental health professionals, you’ve identified as the one that’s likely to help you most.

You’re a man, a biological male. You’re more feminine than masculine, and that’s nothing to be ashamed of. You feel happiest in clothes most often worn by women. Go right ahead and wear them, honey.

Being masculine is a wonderful thing. But it’s in no way the be all and end all of manhood. You’re doing manhood your way. And that’s cool.

We can say likewise for my fellow ladies. Whether we’re talking butch lesbians/bi women, or tom boys who’ve grown up still preferring a more masculine self expression.

They’re still female women, doing it their own way. Femininity is wonderful. But it’s not the be all and end all of womanhood.

*******************************************

There are way too many young people, like dear Chloe and others. Going to see mental health professions, looking for help, for answers.

They’re scared, confused, desperately miserable. For some reason, they just don’t feel ‘right’ in their bodies.

Now, they’ve heard all this talk about ‘being in the wrong sex body’, and they’ve seen how popular are the people who’ve come out as being that way.

Without any better answer, of course they might well latch onto that! What youngster in such a crisis could resist? The poor souls.

What they need is for these trained professionals to talk with them, to use all that training for the purpose it was meant for.

To help those with mental health disorders to identify the root cause of their troubles, and from there on find the most appropriate solution for each individual.

For a few, gender transition might well be that solution. And I hope it brings them the peace and joy they need.

But there are many other reasons why a boy or girl could have so deep an image and/or identity crisis.

Why are people so against professionals asking their patients questions?

So a male child/teen remains a boy, a girl child/teen remains a girl?

But he/she may have identified same sex attraction, and that it’s perfectly fine for him/her to accept and explore that part of him/herself.

There might be a diagnosis of Autism. And from then on learning how to live and learn with the unique way that his/her mind perceives the world.

Sadly. There might have turned out to be some kind of trauma or abuse in his/her young life. But now there’s help and support, to find a way to move forward and live.

I don’t doubt that there are others that I don’t know about as well.

Fine. They’re not transgender. But they know the true cause of their unhappiness. Why isn’t that enough?

*******************************************

I’m a mum. My boys are coming out of the teens and heading into manhood. It would have broken my heart to see them struggle like this.

You can bet that I’d want any medical professional to do their job, and ask lots of questions.

I wouldn’t expect a scared boy to know precisely why he felt so bad. We’d have a professional there. A detective of sorts, my lad would have the clues. And the professional could piece them together, to find answers and potential solutions.

**************************************

I was in my late twenties when I was finally diagnosed with Generalised Anxiety Disorder. And I was scared and confused enough, about the mess in my own head. So what it’s like for a teenager, I shudder to think.

No one expected me, a grown woman to already know what I needed, and they only had to confirm what I said about myself. Thank God for that!

They asked questions, lots of questions. And using my answers, along with other tools at their disposal, they pieced together what my trouble was, and gave it a name.

I Want These Young People To Be Given The Same Relief That I Was.

No. What goes on in my head isn’t ‘normal’. But there are a lot of other people who are just the same as me. And it can be controlled and alleviated. That’s some of the best news I’ve heard in my life.

If a person actually is transgender, then surely, properly conducted therapy will reveal that?

But if there’s another cause for the image/identity crisis, then these people need to know what it is, or else we keep ending up with these harrowing tales, of nothing solved, and a whole range of new problems to deal with.

This ain’t progress, people. Not even close.

#youtube

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reasonably-annoyed-fog · 1 year

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I saw this post about ASOIAF, and I don’t read the books and haven’t seen the show, but what I found interesting was the discussion about wether or not a character actually enjoyed sewing, as was largely understood, or was merely good at it.

this made me think a little about how we percieve “female” and “male” activities. Like the idea that when a woman sews, she must enjoy it, especially in a setting like your usual fantasy novel where H&M doesn’t exist.

My grandparents both knew how to sew. My grandmother earned her money with it. My grandfather was in the military, where it was expected that he look presentable. He told me that every soldier was in possession of a little sewing kitt, knew how to iron clothes, and had at least rudimentary cooking skills. I grew up thinking of these things as Basic Life Skills regardless of gender. Of course there’s an art to it, if you’re good. But when my grandmother took me aside at the age of eight to tech me how to darn socks and some basic sewing techniques it was for practical reasons, maybe so I could make it a hobby later if I wanted to, but at most I should be able to fix my clothes when they got holes in them or lost a button.

years later, I got a second hand coat and descided I didn’t like the collar, so I changed it. I hated every second of it because the fabric was too thick and I didn’t have the right needle. But I wanted a different collar, so I suffered trough it. I’m glad that I have the skills that I do, but when I have something that needs some tailoring and I know I can do it my first thought is ofthen “yeah I think I can do this” followed by “uuuuugh this is gonna be *such a hassle*”

I’m not sure what my point is. Maybe we need to move certain discussions from “feminine skills are good and cool actually” to “there’s actually nothing inherently gendered about any of these skills” I mean look at cooking! Look at how professional cooking is a field dominated by men, look at how one of the most famous cooking scene in literature/movies shows a man cooking, Samwise Gamgee, and it appears he’s quite competent at it (insert tangent about how LotR was written by a man who had been a soldier in WWII. Of course Sam knows what to do with a potato!)

This isn’t to critisize any books where women do these things, but to maybe redirect the perspective? Like, why does the tomboy have to be bad at sewing to be a tomboy? what does that prove? (again, not talking about ASOIAF specifically, just that this is A Thing in media and I’m longing for some variety)

It’s just. a weird way of looking at it. When a character is shown to know how to change a tire we don’t go “oh they must really enjoy changing tires” We do take it as an affirmation of how they present their gender, which is also bs, but we don’t assume changing tires is super fulfilling to them. It’s a means to an end. Someone’s gotta change the tire! “Why does this character sew so much when they said they hated it?” it’s cause they want clothes! it’s 1508 and if you want a kickass new outfit at a reasonable price you gotta make it yourself. you wanna hang something nice on your shitty wall? You better learn how to embroider bitch! you have very specific wishes as to how your wedding dress should look like? oh boy I sure hope your tailoring skills are up for it. your wife died and you and your 14 sons are hungry? Guess it’s cook or die, asshole. idk AM I making any sense here?

#longish post

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sparrowmoss · 1 year

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my extremely in-depth and hyperspecific “trans” castiel headcanon is something i want to talk about or at least just put down in words for myself

i think of cas’s human body, the formerly owned by jimmy novak body, as a trans man, and i think of castiel the angel residing within it as existing completely outside of human gender terms and ideas BUT as someone who is okay with most masculine or neutral terms.

i think cas would have chosen short term vessels for convenience and not really been picky about the physical bodies of those, but with his present day body, he chose something he would be comfortable existing in long-term, because he knew this time it might be needed. tied to my preference of headcanoning cas as the angel equivalent of autistic, or separate from it idgaf, i think cas would have looked for a human body with, like, no bits sticking off. no dick no balls no boobs. they get in the way and can be uncomfortable and inconvenient and sensitive to pain. don’t want that. feels like something cas would do. so, choosing a guy to be his vessel who had none of that was just perfect for him.

tied to the important headcanon of jimmy novak being a trans man, i think that 1. his wife almost certainly did know, though i’m not too picky on whether it was otherwise a secret or touchy subject or not, 2. claire is not biologically related to him and was probably like a sperm donor baby or something like that 3. as you already know by what i said in the beginning, jimmy novak was a top surgery and testosterone only for transition type of guy. half of me says this because i am projecting and thats what i want to ultimately be so i want to see myself represented in a character i love (being castiel, but since he is like, possessing a body that originally belonged to someone else, you see my point) and also because i feel like not wanting any hangly bits is something that would fit cas.

for angel gender overall, i headcanon all angels as, at least originally, existing completely outside of any human concepts of gender. upon creation all angels have the same gender, which is also the same as having no gender, as there’s nothing else to compare it to. there are no Man Angels or Women Angels except for and until humans begin forming ideas of gender, and some angels learn about it either just from watching or from possessing human vessels and interacting with society, and decide they identify with some aspects of some of the many, Many genders that exist and have existed in various societies and cultures. i think the wide majority of angels would still not feel attachments to any gender for themselves, but many would have preferences for their human vessels, clothing and other presentation aspects, pronouns, titles, etc. i think angels would, as we have seen in the show, generally keep the presentation aspects their vessels had previously because speaking as an androgynous trans person it is just Easier and Simpler to interact with society if people can easily categorize you into a binary gender slot. and i think usually, angels would not be super into spending a lot of time explaining their genderweird presentation shit to nosy humans when they’re only on earth to get a job done. though in times of greater acceptance and wider presentation variability in humans, i think lots of angels would gladly take the opportunity to follow suit.

as for cas’s gender specifically, i think of him as roughly agender. i think he would accept being referred to as a man or a dude or a guy because 1. he understands that his physical appearance of his vessel lends itself to human assumption and 2. it generally does not bother him to be casually gendered in a masculine way. i think if it got down to specifics, though, cas would say he isn’t a man. kind of like how when dean was talking about benjamin, he said something like “so benjamin’s a woman?” and cas replied with something like “no, benjamin is an angel. his vessel is a woman.” using pronouns generally associated by humans with a gender, but, despite having an opportunity to say benjamin is A Man, not saying that and instead just saying benjamin is an angel. and i hc that this is how castiel would think of himself, though he just happens to be okay with the pronouns most frequently assumed by people based on the way his formerly-vessel-now-body looks.

i think overall cas would be fine with he/him or they/them, okay with most neopronouns too, and not that fond of she/her. i do, though, think he might like gender neutral titles better than gendered ones, like partner over boyfriend, sibling over brother, parent over dad or father, etc. but still be okay with the masculine titles, just slightly prefer neutral ones. i don’t think he would like most typically feminine titles like mother or sister or wife or anything like that. maybe he would be okay with a few on rare occasions depending on who it comes from.

cas is obviously not big on self expression in the form of clothing, and i generally attribute that to practicality and lack of interest. i extend that in my headcanon to things like makeup (inconvenient, not necessary, not interested in using it to try to be attractive to anyone, bad physical sensation on skin), body hair removal (its there. who cares. if it wasnt meant to be there it wouldnt be there. except facial hair because that is annoying and itchy.), and clothing that is flashy and/or uncomfortable (physical comfort and practicality being priority, he just wears what jimmy novak wore most of the time in canon aside from when he was human but i do like to imagine that in a fix-it of post canon he might have a LITTLE more variety in there, maybe at jack’s encouragement at first, idk). i think he might on rare occasions try stuff like painting his nails (or letting someone else like claire or jack or whoever) but only like. minimal stuff that wont be physically unpleasant. or like i said about the clothes, stuff thats simple and soft and comfortable. but mostly, just what is necessary for basic functioning-in-society purposes.

annnnnnnd i don’t think cas would really consider himself Trans. like for us as fans thinking about it and putting it into words i would say trans cas or trans headcanon just to mean i dont think he is a cis man but like… if you wanna get specific. detailed. pinpoint accuracy. i think angels are Not assigned a gender at “birth” and therefore kind of cant be transgender but for our purposes we kind of would consider him to be. he isnt a binary gender but isnt really Trans gender. its complicated. its messy. its trying to apply human terms to someone and something that isnt human and cannot fully be represented by terms we made to reflect us and our experiences.

this is ungodly levels of long now holy shit im sorry but i think thats everything damn

#im so sorry everyone i do have to tag this for my followers blacklisting purposes #supernatural #castiel #aaaeeeyyyyy got on desktop so put it under a readmore

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yuna-writes · 1 year

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How women are portrayed on social media

Going to put it out there, as a woman myself I don’t like how women are portrayed in social media and in media in general. People call them “Instagram girls” in which these women go under plastic surgery to achieve big lips, big boobs and butts. These women also act catty, vain and superficial. I get a bit uncomfortable looking at those images, because they have so many likes and comments. People get the notion that’s how a woman is supposed to look and behave. Don’t get me wrong though, I don’t care who decides to enjoy femininity, it could be men or women, but I think women get overly sexualized in social media and entertainment. Men don’t really get sexualized as much, they certainty can be, but there isn’t a huge pressure on them to follow a specific image. I don’t see many men lining up to get big butts and big lips to become “Instagram boys.”

Thus, the “not like other girls” emerges from the ground, because many girls and women don’t identify the dehumanizing images of women as just sex objects. It gives a picture to women that womanhood is supposed to be what’s displayed online - which is mostly other women being sexually abused. Also, pornhub has more watch views then Amazon, NBC, CBS, and Youtube combined. Even though people don’t realize pornhub is constantly being sued for supporting human trafficking. It’s disgusting but there’s nothing much to do about it besides abstaining from those exposures. Although it’s problematic because society does determine what a woman is. Personally, it does greatly distort my own perception of who I am as a person. The picture-perfect images of the “Instagram girls” is what people like the most, so anything that isn’t remotely close to them wouldn’t be a woman.

You know what makes a woman a woman is that the individual doesn’t have to follow any of the social construct to prove to be a woman. These days, I don’t wear makeup at all, and I just wear baggy clothes to be comfortable. I notice some guys prefer that I don’t wear makeup, because they can see my real face then the image I’m striving more. But whenever I’m on social media, most of the content is very gendered specific. There’s not much diversity, because those images of women don’t get many likes. I saw this one guy who mentioned his art blew up in popularity once he drew a girl with big boobs and big butts. I responded by saying “of course, sex sells.”

#notes

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grabtherain · 2 years

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That's Embarrassing (Bo Burnham x GNReader)

Summary: You and Bo have been dating for years now and it's his 30th birthday today! You took hours to decorate the house while Bo was in the guest house working on inside, but now- you sat alone in the living room waiting to yell "Happy birthday" when he walked in. You loved him so much but.... would he ever leave that fucking guest house!

Ship: Gender neutral Reader x Bo Burnham

W: A dress is worn but I believe clothing is genderless! I don’t want to put a specific gender in this fan fiction so I’m not going to insert any smut. If anyone has any suggestion on how to better keep gender out of smut and YN writing- let me know!

You really hadn’t minded the amount of time Bo took in the guest house, since you knew he really was passionate about this new project. However, as you sat in the living room in your black velvet dress, a funny birthday hat (that you loved), and a blower thing in your mouth- you wished that tall ass man would just come in already.

You and Bo met years ago on the set of American Virgin where you struggled to keep your opinions on the stupid excuse of comedy to yourself, and Bo liked to listen to you rant. Of course, at the time he had no choice as he sat there listening to you rant to your makeup team inside the small trailer.

—------

“Jenny, you're not even listening to me right now! Women’s confidence has nothing to do with how much skin they show! I’m proud of Kiara leaving.” You stated, slightly exasperated as you continued to gently massage the cleanser into Bo’s skin. Looking down at the male in the oversized mirror, you chuckled softly- “Mr.Burnham I thought we talked about cleaning your face after shoots end?” You teased. You and Bo had gotten closer the more he sat in your chair, at this point it made you curious if he did it on purpose. In the beginning he had been assigned to your coworker Jenny, but after she was sick one day- he continuously chose your chair every time he came in. You didn’t mind it though.

“Y/N,” he groaned out slightly as his head fell back- his eyes closing as his head hit your chest. Even sitting down, you found it hard to work on him with his overarching height. “We ended late last night for that bare ass scene, I wasn’t even functional.” Bo explained, and you could only roll your eyes in response. Sadly, you did understand the incident of last night's shoot- since the makeup crew had to be there all night as well, in case anyone’s makeup wasn’t up to par.

Humming in the same whiny tone he had used with you earlier, you simply patted his cheeks and got back to work.

—------

You were thankful Bo indulged in your thoughts, even agreeing on most of them, but most of the time he would burst out laughing at your jokes and some anger you knew wasn’t as quite justifiable. You were a firecracker, but you were also terrified of any confrontation. Even you couldn’t make that make sense. However, you could assume that that side of your personality was what was stopping you from going to the guest house and pulling Bo out of it yourself.

“Maybe this was all a stupid idea any way…” You mumbled under your breath, allowing the noise maker to fall into your lap as you raised your head. You allowed your eyes to take in all the decorations; from the streamers with his name and “happy birthday” spelled out, to the balloons with his age. It didn’t feel like Bo. It felt like you. “God fucking dammit.” You grunted out as you abruptly rose from your position on the couch and made your way to the streamers. Your hands fell onto your hips as you tried to figure out a way you could get them off without a ladder, and without breaking a bone. Jump. You jumped up and felt your pointer and ring finger grab the end of the “Bo Burnham” streamer and rip it off. At the same time the streamer fell down to cover your head, you let a loud squeal leave your lips. Almost like when you say “ow” when something didn’t really hurt, it was an instinct. After realizing you weren’t in real danger, you let out a giggle as you wrapped your partner's name around your body like a sash. “Maybe this is better than them in the air.” You questioned out loud to yourself, looking down at the “sash” with a triumphant grin.

“I think I can agree on that one.” A sudden deep voice, similar to your boyfriend’s, echoed through the home. Bo, who had just walked through the front door, stood behind you at a considerable distance. He had been walking onto the porch when he heard your distressed squeal, the same squeal that dampened the sound of him entering. He watched you closely, his eyes trailing over your curves before making their way to the lettering itself. From the back, all he could read was Burnham- and all he could hear was the sound of your voice rushing to his ears. His eyes were filled with such love, but also confusion as you stayed with your back turned towards him for a few moments.

You were facing the fireplace in absolute dread, your face turned a bright red as you had been caught talking to yourself. However, you also were caught with the decorations you had been judging- still up and with one even wrapped around you. “How embarrassing.” You whined softly as your hands came to your face, the streamer falling to your feet. As soon as your hands met your cheeks, it seemed that Bo had teleported to you and was turning you around into his chest.

“Hey hey,” Bo chuckled as he tried to gently remove your hands from his view of your face- the one he adored so much. “I thought I said I loved the sash idea!” He joked to try and lighten your embarrassment, which definitely helped a little. You were able to remove your hands and let them rest on Bo’s chest, his arms snaking around your waist- though you would note that his fingers seemed to twiddle with the velvet material.

You pouted up at the male, “I know you did. But all these decorations are just-” you paused as you took another look around. “Childish.” You finished as your pout turned into a sincere frown- realizing that what you had identified as too much as your personality shining through, was just plain childishness.

Bo was quick to the draw, taking one hand off your dress to bring it to your chin. “I think it is adorable.” He spoke carefully, leaning down so he could push his forehead against yours. The action you met with gently moving up onto your tiptoes, something you always did out of habit so your lover wouldn’t put too much stress on his back. However this time, Bo would bring attention to it. “You did it all out of love. Just like you always do- even when it comes to the small things like me kissing you or even right now.” His eyes would fall down to the gap between you, motioning to your feet and their risen state. He wasn’t making it easy for you to be upset with yourself. “You are so endearing of me….God I don’t deserve it half of the time.” He began to rant but you would cut him off, all part of his plan you would later understand.

“You deserve the world. I always make sure you know that Bo.” You interrupted, your eyebrows furrowing to their stern gaze- though you knew you were not as intimidating as the 6’6 giant. The two of you got quiet, the distance between you slowly becoming very apparent, and Bo’s love for your dress also coming to attention. “Happy Birthday Bo Burnham.” You whispered softly, your eyes fluttering down towards Bo’s lips before back up to meet his blue eyes. The eyes you fell in love with. The man you fell in love with. God, you still couldn’t believe you got to be with him.

“Thank you baby. Thank you for literally everything.” Bo’s tone was small as well, like if either of you spoke above a whisper- the moment would crack and crumble. “Did I get any presents?” He questioned with a curious raise of his eyebrow. You could guess what he was alluding to, from his glance to your lips and the tips of his fingers continuing to fiddle and pinch the material of your dress- but you were just as bad as him when it came to jokes and teasing.

“Of course! I nicely wrapped them and put them on the table!” You grinned as you fell back onto your heels and went to make your way to the dining room. That was until you felt a strong arm pull you back into the enticing tension under Bo’s eyes, your breath catching in your throat. “What-” You sputtered out as you felt the back of your legs hit the brick at the bottom of the fireplace- but you were too entranced in Bo’s gaze to worry about the micro-scratches on your skin. “Did you not want your presents?” You questioned with as much sass you could muster, your eyes never leaving Bo’s as you spoke. If there was one thing you weren't shy of- it was eye contact. In fact, you thrived off of the tension it created, it was one of the many things Bo- not only loved but admired about you.

“Of course I do,” Bo started, his eyes being the first to move away from the stare off- his head falling into the curvature of your neck and shoulder. You cursed your dress for being spaghetti strapped, giving the warm Bo the room to heat up your sensitive neck. Any tension that was in your muscles, immediately dissipated and made you lean into the touch- your cheek settling down on the side of Bo’s head. His hair had gotten so long since quarantine had started, you couldn't help but nuzzle your nose into the curls with love. “But, I think I want to unwrap my lover first.” His voice was barely above a whisper and was mumbled into your shoulder, his hot breath making such a sentence even more sensual. No way were you saying no. Before you could respond, Bo had started his kisses up your neck- soft almost ghost like against the thinned skin.

“Oh Bo,” You hummed out and your mind would instantly hit you with the song he had written years ago, just a year after you met him. The image made you giggle softly, “I guess I wouldn’t mind the birthday boy having a little fun.” You whispered near his ear, pressing your own kiss to his temple and later his slightly red lobe. Was your Bo blushing? Goodness could he get any more cute? You were smiling brightly at the picture of your lover blushing before realizing that he was softly singing the “oh bo” chorus- causing the both of you to burst into laughter. No matter how lustful you two were, you could always find a way to break the tension and keep everything funny. You loved that about Bo. Nothing was ever forced, nothing was always intense, and nothing was EVER uncomfortable. You couldn’t imagine finding that anywhere else. “Stop because why did my mind immediately go there as well.” You muttered out as you took a breath in to calm your laughs, you hung your arms on Bo’s shoulders- leaning into him as he stayed in your neck.

“Because great minds think alike, my love.” Bo chuckled as well before scooping you up easily, one of his hands sitting comfortably on your side as the other helped your legs wrap around his waist. You couldn’t help but squeal in surprise again- a habit you really needed to work on. Oh wait Bo is laughing maybe you don’t need to. “What’s going on up there, Babe?” Bo questioned as he pushed his forehead against yours again, knowing it was your favorite form of affection- and secretly you made it his favorite as well.

He must’ve noticed your out of focus eyes that had been locked on his smile as he laughed, you wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of knowing he made you speechless. “Absolutely nothing. Nada!” You hollered out with a completely unconvincing tone- a bright grin settling on your own features. You hadn’t even realized the two of you began moving towards the steps of the house, your eyebrows furrowing in confusion when you tried to figure out your surroundings again. “Your face distracted me.” You mumbled with a small pout as you clung tighter to the male. No matter how strong you knew Bo was- you always had a fear of anyone picking you up, and now you were moving? It’s your nightmare.

“Sorry Babe, can’t help that I am just so handsome.” Bo replied into your cheek, pressing a reassuring kiss into the chubbiness. He knew your fear, though he wouldn’t point it out, he would hold you tighter to ease your mind. It was an unspoken thing between the two of you and you were thankful for every second of it. Soon, calming down and relaxing your grip on him- you could process the fact that he was making fun of your common response to compliments.

“Hey! That’s my saying!” You pointed out as you pulled your face out of his shoulder, your favorite hiding place in situations like this, locking your eyes with Bo’s. Well, locking them with the whites, since his eyes were focused on traveling through the hallway and to your shared bedroom.

“No,” Bo paused as he opened the bedroom door- pretending to make a contemplative face. “I believe you tend to say, ‘Just admit you’re in love with me’” He imitated you. You had to admit it was practically perfect, and word for word what you said when someone complimented you. A stupid saying you spoke so things wouldn’t get awkward. Humor was your coping mechanism! With a sneaky grin, Bo laid you down gently onto the bed- climbing on top of you as he waited for a response.

You were stunned by the new position, however you always would have a response. “Well…you aren’t wrong.” You trailed off to the end as you thought of a way to catch the male off guard like he had done to you. Got it. You bit your lip slightly before leaning up to capture Bo’s soft lips onto your own. Your plan worked effectively, a gasp leaving Bo as your lips met. After he got comfortable and began kissing back, you two could never be separated. Your fingers tangled slightly in his hair, ready to pull on any occasion as his hands grabbed needily at your hips- pulling you as close as he could from your position. You two stayed quiet, basking in the moment as your lips moved seamlessly together and your bodies grinded, slipped, and molded together.

“Where the hell did you get this?” Bo muttered moments later, breaking the kiss not only so you two could breath easily- but he wanted to trail those passionate kisses down your jaw. You laughed softly, your head falling back against the bed to allow him as much space as possible for possible markings.

You assumed he was talking about the dress, his communication skills lacking when it came to the cloudiness that filled both of your minds. “Bought it a couple years ago for the Emmys…” You blushed softly as he hit that certain spot, your hips bucking up at the sensation. “The one I couldn’t make.” You finished off in a whisper as you tried your best to not let out any noises. Bo seemed to leave it at that, mostly because now he was distracted by the fact that he had found the jackpot. You closed your eyes tightly at the new found silence, knowing this was the end of your quiet game- the beginning of Bo’s devilish ways. You were right, Bo sucking and tugging at your skin with skill and experience- leaving you in a whimpering mess under him.

--------

You two now laid entangled together, Bo tracing your arm as you played with his soft locs. After washing up in the shower, you two had kept constant contact as you both enjoyed physical touch- especially as a form of silent after care. Both of you seemed to have a bad case of heavy eyelids, but you both fought it off in hopes of being in the moment as long as possible. “I love you so so much Bo.” You whispered softly, your mind thinking back to what you were thinking while you sat in the living room just hours ago. Alone. You felt absolutely horrible for being so selfish, even if it was in your own head, you felt terrible that you wanted to rip Bo away from his work.

“I love you too Y/N.” Bo responded, his voice grounding in your crazy thoughts. “And I’m sorry to have been out in the guest house so much…I know it must be hurting you. I mean hell, it’s hurting me.” Your head had moved down slightly so you could meet Bo’s eyes as he spoke, thankfully he felt the movement and looked up to make eye contact. “I wish I could wake up everyday right next to you like usual. I wish I could stop obsessing over this stupid project and not be pushing this deadline on myself. I wish I could love on you as much as I want.” Bo’s voice had lowered into a soft cry, your eyes scrunching in concern. Bo didn’t break down often in front of you, hell not ever, but you didn’t mind comforting him as much as you could. You wanted him to know his feelings were never a burden on you, they were welcomed in this relationship. You shifted slightly so you could be closer to his face, gently lifting his head off your chest so you could hold it in your palms.

“Honey, I know you think about me in there. I actually like to think you have a sexy car poster of me in there.” Your last joke making both of you shudder slightly in laughter, your noses gently bumping together as you lean into one another. Taking in a deep breath, you continued on after the laughs died down. “Seriously, I understand completely that work is work. A deadline is a deadline whether it’s made by you or not. I also know that this is your first project in years.” You looked directly into Bo’s red eyes as you said the last sentence, making it hit as hard as you knew it felt for the other. This was a huge deal for Bo and his fans, you could never fully understand the extent this affected Bo’s mental health- but you could be there for him when he wanted to explain. That is exactly what you did when he started this project a year ago. “I’m not going to lie and say sometimes I was upset. Or selfish. I wanted you all to myself a couple hours ago, but in my heart I know you are always mine. My beautiful Bo. The one who always makes me smile and laugh my ass off. He just so happens to make the whole world feel that way too.” You spoke with a light tone, a loving smile never falling for your lips as you looked at your lover. Bo’s tears had slowly dried, his smile becoming brighter the longer you spoke. “I love you the same every time you leave this house. And even more everytime you come back through that door.” You finished your “speech”, feeling the weight you had held on your chest for the whole year- finally raise. It felt so good to let him know how you really felt.

“I don’t know what to even say..” Bo admitted sheepishly, but it didn’t affect the happiness you felt. Sometimes there was nothing to say, and you knew that. “I fucking love you so much Y/N.” He whispered before bringing you into a tight hug, burying himself into your neck again. Maybe he wasn’t just your safe place, maybe you were his as well.

“Even after totally embarrassing myself with the sash thing?” You questioned jokingly, laughing as your arms snaked around Bo’s chest, massaging his shoulder blades calmly.

“Even after the sash thing.” Bo laughed softly, “I didn’t mind seeing you with my last name on your body.” Your eyes widened slightly as you looked at the wall behind Bo, completely processing his words.

“That’s embarrassing.” You giggled before rolling around on the bed with your lover, ending the rest of the night with lots of love and passionate kisses.

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lovee-infected · 3 years

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I enjoy reading character analysis to understand them more and I've also noticed that some insert fics are like too exagerated and their personalities are far from the canon twst. I think some writers are just basing their fics to others and and makes conclusion about it and ignore important details or text on their cards?* And as a reader, I do sometimes think that "this" character are like that. Like Vil, being portrayed as narcisstic and beauty obssessed charac, I think he isnt like that and theres more to him than we think. Sorry for the long ask✌️

You're totally valid anon and I see your point, you know while I agree that each idea and interpretation on characters is worthy on its own and no one is bound to having a specific opinion or belief, getting too wild with personal fantasies and ignoring the originals can totally ruin the writing. Characters are often mischaracterized especially in reader insert fics and the most annoying part is that almost everyone is making the same mistakes about him-! Like some of the noticable mistakes would be:

(1) Femininely has nothing to do with Vil's terms of beauty

Oh lord what can I say- It's even against what Vil himself directly said through chapter five and how he cleared his point on male and female equal, and you can tell he is pretty strict about it.

Like did you just forget what he told Epel when he complained that he doesn't want to act like a girl: “a boy getting embarrassed about ‘acting like a girl,’ -- what year is your head stuck in??? did you take a time machine from 100 years ago??”

He doesn't seem to be one to appreciate the concept of labeling beauty as a female-only thing and on the other hand, he doesn't really seem to like the way women can be looked down on while being compared to men either. He seeks equality, and beauty wasn't ever defined as a feminine act in his dictionary; while there are tons of requests asking for: Vil forcing their trans s/o to wear more feminine clothes/ Vil asking their fem! s/o to wear more feminine stuff an look cuter/Vil complimenting s/o's appearance for not being feminine enough/... And literally TONS of requests like this. Please, you're forgetting one the most important parts of his personality, he considers male and female to be equal and it's so hecking important to show that he holds respect for all genders nonetheless.

(2) Vil's maturity is often ignored

Honestly, within all twst characters Vil's maturity on its own really impresses me. From the way he speaks to how serious and sincere he is all I gotta say is this man is waaay different from the way he's charactetized in most of the fics. Idk why but, he's sometimes charactetized as a guy who's ready to boil you alive if you dare touch any of his expensive make up pallettes or eyeshadows. Oh please, Vil isn't an angry child.

Also he often decides to keep his anger in, though you can tell when he's mad by just looking at his face. Clinching fists, trying not to talk and most likely, walking off or asking people to leave him alone until he calms down a bit is most likely his usual way of expressing his anger, but I've seen him being described as a loud, feral figure like Riddle is! Oh god no- Are you just ignoring how calm and collected Vil often tends to be?

(3) What's with the potato fetish?

While it's canon that Vil can sometimes call people around him potato. You may like to know that in some languages, potato is translated as "Apple of the ground", which can be an interesting reason of him using this nickname for people.

Watching Vil call students potatoes can be as entertaining as watching Malleus play with his tamagotchi, but again, it's important to realize that you don't have to only use potato when you're thinking of what Vil might say in a reader insert/situation!

Come on there are hundreds of different statements and sentences you can use other than just 'potatoes' and it'll get boring to read him saying the same nick name over and over in a fic. Good lord of course this isn't the only word he uses in communication so please try to avoid using it too much. This, is NOT the only word that he knows to use! (Seriously though I've seen being used like 6 times in a 500-word drabble)

(4) Please avoid spreading false information about him and his personality

Funny how I'm saying it here, but don't forget that you do not own him! Vil Schoenheit is a property of Disney/ Aniplex and all, which means that no one can certainly decide on his sexuality/ background/ unexplained character details unless it's officially announced.

Why am I saying this? Because some people are seriously going to far! I've seen people attacking others saying that Vil's pronouns are She/Her and not He/ Him like: EXCUSE ME...???

I don't want to get into details explaining how this drama is going but I've got to say something anyway, YOU DON'T HAVE THE RIGHT TO DECIDE ON HIS PRONOUNS! None of us do!

It's totally okay to have your personal preferences on his pronouns or anything else, but you must avoid spreading such information and forcing them on others as long as they aren't confirmed! Please keep your headcanons for yourself and don't confuse the fandom with them. Everyone's free to have their own headcanons but it's never okay to force them on others!

(5) Vil has a LOT to talk about other than just beauty!

Man... sometimes I feel like the fandom is just doing him dirty. Most of the reader inserts, fics , and even Vil memes have something to do with beauty while it's important to try and look through his personality as well instead of just sticking with the beauty aspect.

For example, through the Halloween event, I couldn't be any more surprised when Vil found the crying child who had lost their parents through the crowd and instead of just leaving them to headmaster or asking someone to take care of them he actually started to play with the child and entertrain and confront them on his own! That was probably one of his sweetest moments through the whole game and it really changed my mind about him! It was great to know that Vil as well can have a softer side when it comes to children, just imagine how good this can be used while writing a father AU for him!

His talents on the other hand need to be recognized, for example: his acting skills back in the ghost marriage proved how much of a great actor he can be and this can also give us lots of ideas to use in writings. On the other hand he's much of a celebrity on his own ( Woop- he's also got 2m followers on magicam) which gives us another great plot to write for him.

The way he is around close friends, how he compliments them and gets complimented by them in return, the way he manages Pomefiore and tries to put the students into doing their best in using their skills and lots of more interesting details that can be found through his stories are there to tell you that he's a lot more than just a beautiful Queen. A considerable part of his background as well is going to be released at he end of chapter 5 (Yes baby after the overblot Vil) and I hope that gives us all the opportunity to come up with stronger personalities and plots next time that we're describing or even, characterizing Vil!

Lmao I kind of rushed to finish this so I didn't get to talk about him as much as I wanted to, but hope that this is useful anyway.

#twst #twisted wonderland #twst x reader #twisted Wonderland x reader #character analysis #vil Schoenheit #vil Schoenheit x reader

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wickedpact · 4 years

Note

dear tumblr user crim wickedpact pls write the essay/dissertation about nicky being shakespeare's fair youth (if you have time, ofc!!)

Not To Imply Nicky Was Shakespeare’s Fair Youth But Ive Read The Fair Youth Sonnets & Nicky Was Definitely Shakespeare’s Fair Youth, an essay by me, tumblr user crim wickedpact

background knowledge: our man shakespeare wrote some 120 sonnets about a young man referred to as the Fair Youth during the mid 1590s; there has been some debate among shakespeare enthusiasts whether shakespeare’s interest in the Fair Youth was platonic or romantic (but like. they were definitely romantic). no one knows for sure who the Fair Youth was, but it was definitely nicky and my first and most important piece of evidence regarding this hypothesis is the ‘lmao babe do you remember that guy who had a crush on me?’/ ‘i try not to remember the guy who had a crush on you’ look joe and nicky exchange when Merrick brings up shakespeare during the movie. especially since gina confirmed in a tweet that joe and nicky canonly did know shakespeare

my second piece of evidence is that it just Works (except for a couple small facts like.. the Fair Youth was prolly closer to his 20s than his 30s. and the fact that shakespeare implies that the Fair Youth slept with his mistress at one point. but he doesnt know what hes talking about shhh we IGNORE)

long post under cut

A. The Description Matches

when describing the Fair Youth (who I’ll call the FY from now on), shakespeare says he has a ‘gold complexion’ and ‘beautiful eyes’ and compares him to a ‘summer’s day’. He says the FY has “A woman’s gentle heart" and “An eye more bright than [women’s are], (...) Gilding the object whereupon [they] gazeth”

As much as shakespeare’s perceptions of sexuality and gender are very........ late 1500′s (whoo boy sonnet #20 is a wild ride) ...... the description does match, and also:

B. The Fair Youth Refused to Get Married

it’s never really said why one way or another (shakespeare assumes it’s because the FY is selfish) but the FY didn’t/wouldn’t take on a wife and have a kid, and this was something that was a real sticker for our man Willy S. because, as he says in his sonnets a million times: beauty doesn’t last forever, but having a child not only passes down the FY’s beauty, but also blesses the woman the FY would have a child with (im not saying shakespeare wanted to bear the FY’s children, but he definitely did)

Whose fresh repair if now thou not renewest, Thou dost beguile the world, unbless some mother. For where is she so fair whose uneared womb Disdains the tillage of thy husbandry?

(ie. If you don’t renew yourself/ have children, you deprive the world and deprive a woman from having your child, since what woman out there is so beautiful that she wouldn’t want to bear your child?)

Like.

1.) if nicky is the FY then so many of these poems center around the idea of nicky growing old sometime soon and that must have been pretty funny to Nicky and

2.) the fact that shakespeare would have been So Desperate for nicky to find a wife must have been the opposite of funny to joe. considering the ease of his and nicky’s relationship and the fact that being gay in late 1500s england was probably not a walk in the park, it is very likely shakespeare wouldn’t have known they were in a committed relationship-- or at least not known how close they actually were. Thus:

C. The Rival (aka. Joe)

shakespeare mentions having a poetic rival in regards to the FY in several sonnets. In sonnet #21 he talks about how he’s not like Those Other Writers who use grand metaphors to talk about their muses

So is it not with me as with that Muse, Stirred by a painted beauty to his verse, Who heaven itself for ornament doth use And every fair with his fair doth rehearse, Making a couplement of proud compare With sun and moon, with earth and sea's rich gems, With April's first-born flowers, and all things rare,

(ie. I’m not like other poets who, when inspired by a ‘painted beauty’ use heaven and every other beautiful thing on the planet to make a grand comparison to their muse: he specifically lists the sun and moon as examples as well as other beautiful things)

He then goes on to say

And then believe me, my love is as fair As any mother's child, though not so bright As those gold candles fixed in heaven's air:

(ie. my love [the FY] is as beautiful as any other beautiful person, though I wouldn’t compare them to the stars/heavens (which is what he means by the 'gold candles’. those are stars.))

So shakespeare insults poets who compare their subjects to the sun, moon, and stars (amongst other things) and in the comics, Joe does literally exactly that

That man is the stars in my sky, and the sun that lights my days. That man is the moon when I'm lost in darkness, and warmth when I shiver in cold.

shakespeare also goes on to say in the same sonnet “Let them say more that like of hearsay well / I will not praise that purpose not to sell” which is to say ‘let people who like that kind of language use it, I wont because I don’t want anyone else to have the subject of my affections (the FY)’.

(which is a bit of a contradiction regarding his feelings abt the FY getting married, but these sonnets are full of contradictions. shakespeare was a confused dude; man spent the first 100 or so sonnets convinced the FY loved him back only for him to start wondering if the FY ever loved him near the end)

(not to mention Marriage For Love wasnt really.. much of a thing in Ye Olden Times but thats a different conversation. so shakespeare prolly didnt associate marriage with love/competition? anyways)

Shakesy-boo goes on to complain about this rival several times. In #79, he says

Yet what of thee thy poet doth invent He robs thee of, and pays it thee again. He lends thee virtue, and he stole that word From thy behaviour; beauty doth he give, And found it in thy cheek: he can afford No praise to thee, but what in thee doth live.

(ie. everything ‘your poet’ (as the FY apparently favored this unnamed rival) says about you, he takes it from you in the first place. he talks about your virtue, but learned the word from watching your behavior. he calls you beautiful but only discovered beauty by looking at your face. every compliment he gives you he took from you in the first place)

[and, as a smaller example, he also bemoans the fact that people want to paint the FY in #67, saying, “Why should false painting imitate his cheek, / And steal dead seeming of his living hue?”. and yknow. Joe’s an artist.]

And then another example in #86

Was it the proud full sail of [the rival’s] great verse, Bound for the prize of all too precious you, That did my ripe thoughts in my brain inhearse, Making their tomb the womb wherein they grew?

Was it his spirit, by spirits taught to write Above a mortal pitch, that struck me dead?

(ie. he’s talking about how he’s having difficulty writing abt the FY and is rhetorically asking if ‘the proud sail’ of the rival’s verses was the reason his ‘ripe thoughts’ were killed in their ‘womb’. He then asks (again rhetorically) if it was the rival’s ‘spirit’ (or creativity, maybe) ‘’’‘by spirits taught to write’’’’ that killed his own drive to write. none of the analyses I’ve read really explain what shakespeare means by ‘spirits taught to write’, other than maybe being a joke or reference to something we dont know, but... ‘taught by dead people to write in a way mortal people can’t’ very much sounds like a description of an immortal poet, eh?)

Which brings me to,

D. Willy Boy Thinks There Are 500 Year Old Writings About the Fair Youth

shakespeare talks about people having written about the FY ‘500 years ago’ from the late 1500s in #59 which......................... would have been around 1100 AD. :thinking face:

Oh that record could with a backward look, Even of five hundred courses of the sun, Show me your image in some antique book, Since mind at first in character was done, That I might see what the old world could say To this composed wonder of your frame;

(ie. Oh if I could look back 500 years and see how you were described in some old books so I could see/reference what people used to write about you)

Which again brings me to,

E. I’m Not Saying shakespeare Stole From Joe, But:

1.) In #22, shakespeare says this,

For all that beauty that doth cover thee, Is but the seemly raiment of my heart, Which in thy breast doth live, as thine in me:

(ie, your beauty is due to the ‘clothes’ my heart gives you-- probably means something like ‘you’re beautiful because i love you’. goes on to say his heart lives in the FY’s chest, and the FY’s heart lives in shakespeare’s chest)

so: shakespeare tells the FY he has shakespeare’s heart. in comparison, Joe calls nicky ‘my heart’ in the comics...... :thinking face x2:

2.) In #109, shakespeare tells the FY ‘thou art my all’,

For nothing this wide universe I call, Save thou, my rose, in it thou art my all.

which rings similar to Joe’s ‘he’s all and he’s more’ as well as (from the comics) ‘he is my everything’

and just saying. joe looks pretty #done the mention of shakespeare.

F. The last One

Despite shakespeare writing 30+ poems about the FY eventually growing old, the very last poem he writes about/for the FY says,

O thou, my lovely boy, who in thy power Dost hold Time's fickle glass, his sickle hour; Who hast by waning grown, and therein showest Thy lovers withering, as thy sweet self growest.

(ie. you [the FY] have power over the ‘mirror’ (fickle glass) of time as well as time’s ‘harvesting’ ability (sickle hour) and as you grow older, you remain beautiful while your lovers [shakespeare] wither and grow old)

The transition from ‘get married and have a baby before you get old!!!!’ in #1-20 to talking about the FY’s presence in 500 y/o books in #59 to admitting the FY isn’t growing old in #126 kinda seems to imply shakespeare learning of/about nicky’s immortality at some point, and this last poem is him accepting it.

TLDR: not only does it make perfect sense if nicky was the Fair Youth from the FY sonnets, but it also makes perfect sense if joe was the Rival from the FY sonnets. its canon nothing will convince me otherwise

#IS THIS GETTING TAGGED? YES #nicolo di genova #joe x nicky #my_essays #the fair youth saga

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thechekhov · 4 years

Note

Hi! I saw on a post that you're agender and I'm kinda questioning my gender (again) but what interested me more about that post was that you said you believe that gender is a social construct and I'm not really familiar with that theory. I was wondering if you could explain to me what the whole idea is? (bc I kinda only feel like a have a gender in social situations? In my head, my dreams and how I picture myself in the future, I'm genderless idjskahwksjejensj) Sorry for bothering you if I did.

This is a BIG topic and it opens a LOT of wormholes.

We’re gonna do this in pie slice statements that will hopefully help explain what I mean. Please keep in mind I’m going to simplify many things for the sake of readability.

1) What is a social construct?

Social constructs are ideas that are negotiated by social groups. Something being a social construct does not make it ‘not real’.

For example, money is a social construct. Yes, we have cash - coins, credit cards - but these are physical props that are REPRESENTATIVE of the idea of currency. You have some form of credit to your name - the money is a socially agreed-upon idea of value being represented by bills in your hand, by numbers in your bank account.

[Description: Two humanoid figures are standing side by side. The right-side figure is holding a rock in its hand.

Right side figure: Let’s agree that this shiny rock is worth 2 sheep.

Left side figure: Sounds fake but ok.]

Technically, countries are also social constructs. We, as a society, negotiate what a country is, and this can be changed.

[Description: Two figures are standing on either side of a dotted line drawn on the ground. The left figure is pointing down at it while the right figure watches, its arms crossed.

Left figure: Let’s pretend that everything on this side of the imaginary line is mine.

Right figure: ...ok but my house is over there.

Left figure: ... for 3 shiny rocks you can come visit.]

Does that mean canada isn’t real? No. (I mean, obviously canada ISN’T real, but we all agree to pretend it is.) The thing that makes it real is that we are in agreement, and all follow the social rules of pretend to make it seem like the Canadian border, the idea of Canadian citizenship, etc... is an objective fact. (It’s not. These are in fact, negotiable limits and parameters. We have laws in place to define it in legal terms, but those laws can be changed, or may change in the minds of communities. That’s why it’s a construct.)

By that same token, I hold the view that gender, as we largely perceive it in modern society, is a construct. Why? Because it is not inherent; we, as a society, negotiate its meaning.

2) What is gender?

People will probably fight me on this and that’s fine, but here’s my (simplified) understanding of gender (from someone who personally has none)

Gender is a social category negotiated by cultures based on your assigned or desired role in your community that influences, among many other things, your physical appearance, your role in family units, your expected position in jobs, etc.

How I think it happened:

[Description: Two figures are standing on either side of the panel, both holding children-looking figures. The one on the left is wearing purple. The one on the right is wearing green.

Green figure: Hey, I’ve got an idea. What if we separate the babies into two groups based on physical traits they have no control over?

Purple figure: Wh-- okay...?

Green figure: And then limit the jobs they can do and the community ritual involvement available to them based on that!

Purple figure: ... I feel like this is going to backfire on us someday.

Green figure: Nah, it’ll be fine.

The past panel is a dramatic closeup on the purple figure’s face - which is featureless - betraying a deeply doubtful emotion. It says nothing.]

Important points to remember: what gender looks like, what the limits are, what the expectations are... are not inherent to any human biology. We make up gender roles. This is evident in the fact that across the world, gender roles differ by culture. The positions people of a certain gender are allowed to take up are different. What is perceived to be ‘girly’ or ‘boyish’ is different across cultures.

Simply speaking - currently the (western) model we have, dumbed down, is:

You are assigned male at birth because of physical characteristics

You are raised being told to ‘toughen up’ and ‘boys don’t cry’ and encouraged not to show emotions

You are taught to wear male-coded clothes and discouraged from female-coded fashion choices

You are given more opportunities to participate in sports, encouraged to engage in physical activity, etc

You are not expected to need time off for child-rearing

Here’s where gender as it works in society breaks down into being not a real thing but instead something we thought up:

Nothing about having a penis necessitates wearing pants. Nothing about having XY chromosomes means you need to keep your hair short. Nothing about your genome makes the experience of nail-polish different for any human being.

All of these are arbitrary traits we decided were allowed or not allowed to a specific group of people based on entirely unrelated physiology.

Even if we delve deeper, there is MORE variation among individuals of the same ‘sex’ than there are, on average, of members of the ‘opposite sex’ when compared to each other.

Many people use the excuse ‘women are physically not as strong as men’ to say that this has an evolutionary aspect driving these cultural, historical, socially-constructed gender requirements.

But if there was a physical reasoning behind the culturally-set gender-limited job expectations, then we actually WOULDN’T need a traditional binary gender system to sort ourselves into categories. It would simply be decided as a meritocracy - stronger individuals, regardless of gender, would be given physically-demanding jobs. (Also we know that many jobs thought to be ‘traditionally male’ are just the result of sexist bullshit, so this reasoning doesn’t fly any further than I can throw it which is, coincidentally, not very far. Politics is one such area. Doctors are another. We can go on but I think you get my drift.)

My own example of this is an anecdote when my grandparents came to visit my partner and I in Japan. While we were driving down to Tokyo, my grandmother - who has a PhD in entomology - began to say that driving is a masculine activity and women shouldn’t be driving as it was ‘un-woman-like’. My partner almost immediately fired back that in Japan, studying insects or having any interest in them whatsoever was considered a heavily masculine-coded activity. In Russia, there is no such assignment, and my grandmother was left silently blinking in confusion, unable to come up with any excuse except ‘well, all cultures are different, I suppose...’

Do either of these things inherently have a gendered aspect? Of course not! But we assign gendered ideals to them anyway.

3) If gender is made up and constructed by society, then does that mean trans people aren’t real?

No.

Even if you agree that gender is a social construct, trans people are still real. TERFs don’t get a pass. Why?

Because gender - as a social construct - still affects our everyday lives, dictates our social position in our community. Transitioning is still a thing that has to happen. The fact that you are NOT easily able to decide your own gender and are ostracized for wanting to transition, abused for dressing the way you want to be perceived, and bullied for wanting people to refer to you with different pronouns - all those are the effects of a social construct that has very REAL impact on our lives.

This is also why I dislike defining trans-ness by dysphoria. Because transgender people are not only their suffering - the suffering is coming from the outside!! Many trans people remember not being concerned about their gender identity in their childhood, because they did not yet perceive the world as being hostile to their desire to fulfil a specific role in society. The issues and self-hatred and dysphoria begins when they express wanting to be themselves - a life which they are forbidden from pursuing based on physical characteristics they were born with.

Does this mean we should try to remove gender from society? If we constructed it, we can deconstruct it, right?

Realistically, I highly doubt this is possible. Gender is so ingrained in our daily lives that it would be difficult. Nor, I would say, would it be necessary to achieve world peace.

Having social groups - having gender - isn’t inherently a bad thing. The bad thing is when we limit those social groups to specific basic human rights, like voting, or when we forbid them from transitioning from one to another based on things that are out of their control.

Also, I’m not saying genitals and secondary sexual characteristics aren’t real. Please don’t bother sending me that angry message, I’ll ignore it, I promise.

But the concept of gender IS something we thought up and maintain and negotiate with each other to this very day. It’s not granted to us by a higher power, nor is it a constant, unchanging thing. It’s a part of the human experience and like everything, it has the potential to evolve - as a concept in our communal memory, as well as on an individual level, for people who feel they want to be perceived differently.

Thanks for coming to my TEDtalk!

#hiimholalate #gender #agender #queer stuff #gender is a social construct #social construct #genderqueer #long post

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soap-ful · 3 years

Text

Art advice from someone who needs art advice but the specific kind that only I know how to give

A 2am write up by a burnt out artist with nothing better to do :)

Okay so let’s rate the typical tutorials people will look up (generalized)

Anatomy

Features (hair, eyes, lips, etc)

Bodies (in terms of shape)

Anatomy is one of the MOST IMPORTANT things when drawing!! It comes before stylizing and basic features - you need to know anatomy before you branch off into your own style! (Take as long as you need. I started out without any knowledge regarding anatomy - it’s how it goes. You’re never perfect.)

Second to anatomy is FEATURES! Eyes, hair, lips, clothes/folds, shading - those are second. I once asked a professional painter how she got things so perfect, and she said she would just repeat what she needed to understand. She filled an entire sketchbook with eyes, another with lips, another with hair, and so on. (She additionally did this with anatomy - one for hands, one for feet - then onto more complex shapes with heads, arms/legs, torsos). She would then fill an entire sketchbook with everything added together - basically she would redraw puzzle pieces until they ‘fit’.

Now, body shape is a rather stigmatized thing in the community of young and growing artists. I’m sure you have seen the classic ‘women are round/men are square’ or the ‘hourglass vs. rectangle shape’ or the ‘girl eyes vs. boy eyes’. While I do believe these help with basic anatomy skills and helps artists convey the cookie cutter gender alignments, you need to remember that boys have eyelashes and girls can be square. Don’t be too worried about conveying yourself properly! It comes with practice!

REMEMBER! Learning is a mess! You can learn in so many ways - I’m still learning, Picasso was still learning, that two year old with crayons is still learning.

Find your own rhythm. It’s frustrating and you’ll cry and the pictures in your head won’t come out as beautifully as you imagined, but you need to realize that not all tutorials work for every person, and that you don’t need to hyper fixate on a singular piece of advice from one artist.

There’s no holy grail of knowledge on how to make things look ‘good’. Time and patience and lots of crying is the only grail you’ll get - and that’s okay! It’s okay to rip your paper and throw your book and scribble over something and throw something out. It’s okay to give up and do something else, it’s okay to discard an idea you really liked, it’s okay to never get to an idea you really liked.

It’s okay to say that you can’t, but you need to also think that you’ll be able to someday. ‘I can’t, but someday’ gives you something to look forwards to. I cant colour clouds the best, but someday I will and boy howdy they’ll be tasteful.

HOW DO I GET INSPIRATION?

This is something specific to me - it doesn’t have to be followed religiously. But I like to watch things. Sometimes a mild existential crisis brings me ideas (I.e. wow, I’m here and breathing and the universe is expanding a billion times over but I’m touching scratchy grass rn and the temperature is just right and look at the fuzz on that bee). Recognize the things around you and how you’re present to recognize it.

Visualize the colour wheel! Where would damp grass sit? A blush on the skin? A honey bee’s yellow? One of the most surprising things I’ve found from colour picking is that purple clouds in an orange sunset almost always get picked out as grey. Lighting is important to your colours and you need to consider that! Sunset grass is different from morning grass!?

I’ve also found that watching people’s sped up art processes have helped me develop. You get to watch their ways of blocking in shapes and making things look natural, no matter what style it’s in.

WHAT DO I DO IF IM IN AN ART BLOCK??? HELP??????

Do a daily doodle. I know you want to draw that masterpiece you have in your head and the pencil just won’t work and maybe you just suck - no, open a notebook book or file, and draw something simple. Something to smile at. A frog, a flower, an eye, a stupid face, a dinosaur - draw with the aim of satisfying your need to put pencil on paper. Write your masterpiece idea down for later. It can wait.

Just remember that all tutorials are to help you grow and not for you to base your entire art life on.

If you don’t like how you draw your eyes, try something else you come up with. Don’t like your shapes? Try something different. It won’t hurt you, it won’t make you stop drawing. If you mess up on something new you’re trying, that won’t end your hopes and dreams, even if it may smush them. (I try so goddamn hard with my clouds that I can’t even begin to explain how badly I NEED TO GET IT RIGHT)

It’s not easy! You’ll hate everything you do!

But I think the moment you draw something, even if it’s a tiny part of the piece, and you say ‘huh. what a pretty thing.’

That is what you’re supposed to aim for. Creators usually see nothing truly beautiful in their pieces, so relax, go with the flow.

#art help #art tutorial #look you don’t have to take my advice #I don’t even know if this is understandable #it’s 2:40am now #art advice #you’ll do great I promise :)#additional advice: draw a frog. they just help.

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wishuhadstayed · 3 years

Text

Plus One

Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x reader

Word count: 3000ish

Summary: it’s baby time y’all!

Warnings: pregnancy complications, angst

Author’s Note: to those who have been waiting, I AM SO SORRY. I hope this will be worth it! Part 8? to Begin Again. Please feel free to yell at me in the comments if you feel so inclined.

Previous Chapter

Masterlist

Conversation flowed in the dining room and kitchen of the Hotchner residence as the BAU team and family impatiently anticipated the forthcoming announcement.

“It’s a boy, has to be,” Morgan mused.

“No way. Definitely a girl,” JJ contradicts.

“As much as it pains me to say, I think I have to go with Morgan on this one,” Emily admits.

“Garcia?” JJ inquires, “What do you think?”

“I have to agree with Chocolate Thunder on this one, love,”

“Are you all taking his side?” JJ asks with indignation. “I’ll bet you $50 that it’s a girl!”

“Oh you’re on, sweetheart,” Morgan complies with a winning smile.

“I don’t know if it’s a girl or a boy,” says Reid, “but I do know that I wouldn’t bet against JJ.”

“Thanks, Spence,” JJ replies, patting him on the shoulder. “Emily, Rossi? You wanna get in on the action?”

“Oh I am so staying out of this,” Prentiss responds. “Count me out.”

“I’m in with Morgan for $50,” Rossi states.

“Alright, but you’re all gonna be sorry,” JJ says with a smirk.

Overhearing the lively discussion, you enter the room.

“Children, what’s going on here?” You interject, “Don’t make me break up a fight.”

“Y/N! Just the lady I wanted to see!” Exclaims JJ. “May I?” She asks, gesturing towards your growing baby bump.

“Sure, go ahead,” you reply. “Do I even want to know?”

“We’re taking bets on the sex of the baby,” she replies placing a gentle hand on your belly. “And I am so totally going to win!”

“You can’t possibly know that, JJ,” Morgan interrupts.

“Call me crazy if you want,” says JJ, “but a mother knows.”

“I suppose you’ll all find out soon enough,” Aaron cuts in, placing a strong arm around your back and pressing his lips to yours for a quick, tender kiss. “Shall we?”

With that, everyone makes their way to the backyard, where a large golden balloon awaits.

Picking it up from the ground, Aaron asks, “Everybody ready?”

He didn’t really have to ask. The answer was unanimous.

“YES!”

“Jack, would you like to do the honors?” you inquire, holding out a safety pin for him.

“Can I?” he asks hopefully.

“Of course you can buddy. Just be careful, okay?”

“Yes, Mama.”

“Dad and I will count you in, okay? On three.”

Together, you and Aaron slowly count, “One, two, THREE!”

A loud pop from the balloon momentarily startles the crowd and then..... a cloud of pink confetti floats to the ground.

“YES!” JJ shouts in her excitement. “PAY UP, LOSERS! We got a baby shower to plan!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Several weeks later found you strolling through the back door of Rossi’s home into the yard where you’d married the man of your dreams not so very long ago.

This time it’s decorated for a slightly different occasion. Pale pink lanterns and streamers adorn everything in sight. A picnic table covered with a pink flowered cloth looks like it might collapse at any moment beneath the weight of a mountain of gifts wrapped in pastel paper. Heart shaped balloons are tied to the corners of another table on top of which is a giant bowl of pink punch, more food than you thought possible, and a breathtaking cake, decorated with tiny pink roses.

A tap on your shoulder brings you back to reality and you turn to see three beautiful, smiling faces. Women that you consider to be not only friends, but family at this point.

“Penny, Emily, JJ,” you say as your eyes begin to well up with tears, “This is too much! You shouldn’t have gone to this much trouble.”

“Oh this is the least we could have done for you, doll face,” Garcia interjects. “Nothing but the finest for my very best friend.”

“Don’t worry about it, my clean sweep at the gender reveal paid for most of this,” JJ jokes.

“You look absolutely radiant,” Emily adds, pulling you in for a hug.

“Where’s the boss man?” Penelope asks. “He’s coming isn’t he?”

“Oh yes” you reply. “He was helping Jack out of the car. He told me to come on in. He’s probably inside hanging out with boys for a minute.”

At that moment, you feel a pair of familiar arms encircling you, one across your chest and one just underneath your baby bump. A soft kiss on the cheek and he turns you around to face him. The tender look in his usually stern eyes melts you as he smiles and says,

“There’s my girls.”

“I love you, Aaron.”

“I love you too, darling.”

“Alright love birds, it’s time to get this show on the road!” exclaims Morgan, coming through the door with both Henry and Jack in tow.

“Thanks for keeping the kids entertained, Derek,” you whisper. “I don’t know what we’d do without you.”

“Don’t you worry about a thing, Mama. I’ve got it all under control,” he reassures with a wink.

“Should we be worried?” Aaron jokes under his breath.

“I’ll keep an eye on him,” Garcia offers, trailing off behind them.

Rossi and Reid bring up the tail end of the group, along with Jessica, Jack’s aunt, who had been previously supervising the kids.

“How are the parents-to-be feeling?” Rossi inquires.

“Overwhelmed, and so grateful,” you reply. “I know JJ said she covered most of it with her winnings, but I think we all know you pitched in too. And you’re a fantastic sport for letting the girls decorate your whole house pink.”

“Anything for some of my favorite people,” he replies patting you both on the shoulder.

“I’m so happy for you guys,” Reid chimes in. “This baby’s really lucky to have such loving parents.”

“Reid, stop. You’re gonna make me cry,” you squeak out, pulling a tissue from your purse.

Just then, Jessica wraps an arm around both of you.

“Jess, you know you didn’t have to come,” Aaron says.

“Nonsense!” comes her reply. “I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

As you go to sit so you can open presents, Morgan pulls out the chair for you, then pulls one out for Garcia as they settle in to watch the kids.

Maybe you were mistaken, but you could have sworn you saw a flirty look pass between them. A mischievous grin crosses your face. Perhaps you should do a bit of your own matchmaking.

“Jack!” you call. “Don’t you wanna help Mama open some of her presents?”

“Yeah! Can Henry help too?”

“What do you think JJ?” you ask.

“As long as it’s okay with you,” she agrees.

The kids ran up to help with their very important present duty. Jack retrieving smaller presents and helping rip the paper. Henry mostly just playing with the shiny bows. Thus leaving Morgan and Garcia free of responsibility.

When the last present had been opened, and the last game played, Aaron made his speech.

“Y/N and I just wanted to thank you all so much for being here today. We love each and every one of you like family, and we are truly grateful for all your love and support. We are truly blessed to have such wonderful people in our lives. Thank you again.”

As everyone was leaving, Penelope pulled you to the side.

“Did you call the kids over for help specifically to leave Derek and I alone together?”

“Penny, I have no idea what you’re talking about,” came your reply. “I’m just getting too big to be bending over to grab the presents and I thought it would be fun for the kids.”

“If you say so,” she says with a skeptical look.

As she walks away, Aaron whispers in your ear, “You are so wrong for that, you know?” with a playful shove of your shoulder.

“Oh they’re perfect for each other and everyone knows it. Besides, she played matchmaker for us and look what happened,” you reply, rubbing your belly.

“Okay, okay!” he surrenders with a grin. “You’re right. You’re always right. You win.”

——————————————————————————

As the weeks crept by, your little family was not so patiently awaiting the arrival of its newest addition. Being pregnant and taking care of a 6 year old without your husband was extremely taxing, making the moments that you did have with him exceedingly special.

Moments like today. It was nothing exciting, just sitting on the couch, enjoying each other’s company, but sometimes that’s all you really need.

Seated across from each other, You can’t help but admire the sweet look on his face as he touches your belly.

“I still can’t believe we’re having a baby girl,” he mentions.

“Neither can I,” you agree. “She’s gonna be smart,” you state, resting your hand on top of Aaron’s. “A lawyer like her daddy.”

“She can be anything she wants,” he says, looking up with his smile revealing the stunning dimples that caught your eye on your very first date. “As long as she’s happy.”

“God I love you, Aaron.”

“I love you more, angel.”

But mom duty never stops.

“Oh!” you exclaim. “It’s almost time to pick up Jack from school and I haven’t even started dinner!”

“Don’t worry about it, babe,” Aaron says. “I’ll take care of everything, you just relax.”

“But I,”

“Ssshhhhh,” he interrupts. “No buts. I will pick up Jack, I will get dinner. You deserve a break.”

“Alright, if you insist.”

“I do.”

He leans in and gently brushes his lips against yours.

“I’ll be back soon.”

What felt like an eternity later, you hear the front door open and two distinct sets of footsteps.

“Mama!” Jack yelled, scrambling up into your lap for a hug. “I missed you!”

“I missed you too, buddy,” you reassure, pulling him close to your chest.

“What’s for dinner, honey?” you ask?

A playful smirk forms on Aaron’s face, raising your suspicions.

“You’ll see. In the meantime, Jack how would you like to watch a movie with me and mom?”

You all settle on the sofa, Jack in Aaron’s lap and your head on your husband’s left shoulder. Just as you were drifting off to sleep near the end of the movie, a knock at the door startles you awake.

“Dinner’s here!” Aaron announces. “Come on buddy,” he encourages Jack. “Help me out.”

As you reach the table where the food is being laid out, tears begin to spring to your eyes.

“I got you fries and chocolate shake. And a cheeseburger. No mayo, extra pickles.”

“Babe,” you squeak out, “you remembered.”

“Of course I remembered. It’s all you talked about while I was away on my last case.”

You laugh and pull him close.

“I knew I married you for a reason.”

——————————————————————————

Around your 36 week mark, Aaron called from his hotel room to check on you.

“How are you, love?”

“Still pregnant,” you gripe.

“I know you’re exhausted, mama. I’ll be home tomorrow. Just remember the go bag for the hospital is packed and sitting right by the front door, just in case.”

“Yes, Aaron. You remind me every day. Honestly I think it’s bit overboard, I’m fine.”

“I just worry about you being alone while I’m gone is all. It never hurts to be prepared. Anyway, I love you. I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”

“Love you too honey. Good night and be safe tomorrow.”

——————————————————————————

When Aaron arrived home the next night, he was greeted by the sight of you dozing on the couch.

Easing himself down on the edge, he swipes a lock of hair from your face. He softly kisses your forehead and watches as your eyes flutter open.

“Aaron?” you murmur. “You’re home.”

“I’m home,” he whispers. “How are my girls?”

“Better now that you’re home. I’ve had some pretty intense back pain, but otherwise fine.”

“Well sleeping on the couch probably isn’t helping,” he states matter of factly.

“Oh thank you doctor,” you reply sarcastically, giving his arm a playful slap. “I would never have known.”

“You’re welcome,” he says with a shit eating grin. “Let’s get some sleep.”And with that, he sweeps you off the couch, heading for the master bedroom.

——————————————————————————

You woke the next morning still in pain, but not wanting to disturb Aaron. You struggle to sit up, finally managing after a few tries. You pull back the sheets and immediately get a sense of panic and dread at the sight of blood on the hem of your nightgown and the sheets beneath you. As the tears begin to stream, you instinctively call out for him.

Waking up at the sound of his name he asks, “what’s wrong, baby?”

But he realizes the problem before you even get a chance to respond.

Amazingly he seems not to panic at all. The tears and hysterics don’t faze him at all. He simply grabs you out of the bed, carries your directly to the car, and buckles you in.

“Stay right here,” he instructs. “I’m getting Jack and we’re going to the hospital right now.”

What seems like an eternity later, but in reality was only a few minutes, Aaron emerges from the house with Jack and the go bag.

He peels out of the driveway and drives to the nearest hospital with no regard for the speed limit.

When you arrived to the emergency entrance, you look at him with a panic stricken face.

“I’m scared, Aaron.”

“Don’t worry darling,” he says soothingly. “I’m going to get you some help.”

The next thing you know several people are helping you out of the car and loading you onto a stretcher. As they wheel you inside he follows closely behind with Jack asleep in his arms.

“What going on?” you plead.

“I don’t know, love but they’re going to help,” he reassures.

Just then you overhear a member of the medical staff informing Aaron that he’s not allowed any farther.

“What do you mean he can’t come with me?” You wail.

“I’m sorry ma’am, but bleeding is very serious. Both you and the baby could be in danger. We need to get you treatment now and we can’t have any family in the room.”

“It’s okay,” Aaron says in a very calm and sure tone. “They’re going to take good care of you. Everything will be fine.”

“FINE? Nothing about this is fine!” you shout. “I can’t do this without you, Aaron.”

“Yes you can,” he replies, holding your hand. “You’re the strongest woman I know. You have to. Do it for her.” He says, placing his hand on your belly.

“We have to go now,” one of the nurses insist.

“Be strong for me okay?” He pleads, gaining a short tearful nod from you in response.

“I love you,” he calls out as they wheel you swiftly down the hall. Just before the stretcher is out of sight he hears your response.

“I love you more.”

——————————————————————————

Collapsing into a chair in the waiting area, mind racing with worry, Aaron does the only thing he can think of at the moment.

The phone rings, and then,

“Aaron! I wasn’t expecting to hear from you so soon after a case,” Rossi says. “We don’t have plans today, do we?”

“No, Dave. It’s Y/N. We’re at the hospital.”

“Wow, I didn’t think she was due for a few more weeks.”

“She’s not,” Aaron explains, his voice beginning to break. “When we woke up, she was bleeding. From what I understand, it’s pretty serious. You’re the first person I thought to call.”

“Oh my God,” Rossi breathes. “I’ll be there as soon as I can. Should I call the rest of the team?”

“Yeah, I think that would be best. I could really use some help with Jack. He’s still asleep for now, but,” Aaron pauses for a moment, choking back tears. “I don’t know what to tell him when he wakes up,” he finishes quietly.

“Just hold on, Aaron,” Rossi replies. “We’re coming.”

——————————————————————————

Within an hour, the whole BAU team was crowding the hospital waiting room. Hugs were exchanged and Aaron had handed a still sleeping Jack off to JJ.

Everyone waited in tense silence, not knowing quite what to say.

“I’m scared out my mind, Dave,” Aaron confines to him. “I can’t lose her. I’ve been through too much already. And Jack, God it would crush him if anything happened to her.”

“I think he’s waking up,” JJ whispers.

“Dad?” He asks in a daze as he wakes. “Miss JJ? Where are we?” He questions now aware of the unfamiliar surroundings.

Coming over to squat down in front of him, Aaron does his best to explain.

“Well buddy, this morning mom got sick, so we brought her to the hospital, and the doctors are taking good care of her.”

“Is she going to be okay?” he inquires. “And my baby sister?”

“I hope so, the doctors are working really hard to make mom better okay?”

“Daddy, we should say a prayer for Mama,” Jack responds. “And my baby sister too.”

“I think that’s a great idea, Jack,” Aaron responds, as he quickly turns away to wipe a tear.

The whole group gathered closely around Jack and Aaron. Everyone took turns saying prayer for the health and well being of Y/N and her unborn daughter.

Moments after the last amen was said; just when Aaron thought he would die if he waited a moment longer, a doctor came through the doors.

“Mr. Hotchner?”

Aaron stood, bracing himself for the news.

“Is it alright if I speak in front of the group?”

“Yes, they’re family. Please, just— do you have news about my wife?”

“Sir,” the doctor continues with a look of concern. “You all may want to sit down for this.”

——————————————————————————

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