#and wanting to talk to them 24/7 and being mad they dont respond

[jaemified]

camera - yang jungwon

“you only love me on camera”

pairing ; yang jungwon x reader

genre ; angst, idol au

warnings ; swearing, very brief slapping

wordcount ; 0.7k

synopsis ; lee y/n and yang jungwon have always been seen as the ‘perfect’ couple in the industry, but whats seen as flawless is only on camera.

read below the cut !

y/n scrolled through the ipad, reading what engenes were saying about the two of them on live. "'you are a great mubank host, im sad your contract is ending soon.' thank you! im sad my contract is ending too. hopefully there will be another chance like this again!" she flashed a genuine smile.

"-'you guys are so cute together', awe thank you!" y/n expressed her gratitude to the camera while reading a comment out loud.

jungwon wrapped an arm around the girl beside him, rubbing her shoulder before checking his phone to read another comment from your fandoms.

"-'will we ever get a vlog of the two of you together?', well we cant say much, but you can expect one coming soon." jungwon replied with a nod.

"well its getting pretty late and we have music bank tomorrow. remember to stream bite me and support us on our latest comeback. bye engenes, love you always!" and with that, jungwon immediately removed his arm from y/n as he cut the cameras.

"i was wondering if we could go out to dinner tonight? maybe talk or even go over the script? just the two of us."

without even looking up from his computer as he responded to emails, jungwon answered y/n by saying, "y/n, you know we arent really together right? its all just a contractual arrangement for my sake, so my group and i can promote." he chuckled.

she gripped her plastic water bottle in slight annoyance and anger. of course she had known, she had always known. she just never wanted to admit to it. being together was purely for publicity, and seeing as they were in front of cameras practically 24/7, it felt all too real for y/n to want to accept it was all only on camera.

"why do you hate me?"

"what kind of question is that? i dont hate you, im just keeping it professional." jungwon mumbled with a slight tone to it.

y/n scoffed.

"so being a dick to me is considered 'being professional' now? youre so nice to all your other female colleagues. why cant you be the same with me?"

she was upset, rightfully so. i mean, she thought she found someone who cared for her even if it were just as a friend, but truthfully, he couldnt even do that in the very least.

jungwon finally looked up from his laptop, drafting the current email he was in the middle of.

he crossed his arms and looked the girl before him in the eyes.

"because youre the only one ive ever been forced to date. and sure, youre pretty but you arent exactly my type. not to mention it was inexplicably sudden."

"i really thought we were bonding, even if it were just as friends. theres nothing wrong with wanting to go out for food. we do so much on camera, so why cant we have fun without it?" y/n argued back, though still slightly offended.

"its all on contract. you read it, you signed it as did i. we both knew what it is we agreed to. so why should that suddenly change just because of however you feel?"

she walked up closer to jungwon, noses almost touching, looking deep into his eyes before whispering then stepping back.

"youre a prick."

there was a loud clap in the air, the sound of y/ns hand colliding with jungwons cheek, more specifically so.

"youre a liar."

another slap to the face.

"and youre nothing but a selfish bastard! did everything we ever shared mean nothing to you? i gave you nothing but my all, i thought what we had was genuine but no, you want to let go of that too!"

"y/n.."

"no! dont 'y/n' me now that im getting mad. you never cared while i was calm. is all it is you expect me to do is just sit there and look pretty? to make you look good because you got the wealthy, pretty girl on your arm?"

"y/n."

tears flowed down her face and she stared at his flushed red cheeks due to the force of her last slap, as well as the emotion that hit him along with it.

"wanna know why i dont give a fuck about the contract? because i loved you, i really did! and i thought you felt the same. but no,"

"now i know. you only love me on camera."'

#jungwon x reader #enhypen #enhypen fanfiction #enhypen scenarios #enhypen x reader #kpop imagines #yang jungwon x reader #yang jungwon #jungwon scenarios #jungwon imagines #enhypen fluff #enhypen jungwon #enhypen imagines #enhypen angst #enhypen oneshots #engene #idol x reader #kpop scenarios #enhypen fic #park sunghoon #niki x reader #heeseung #jake sim #jay enhypen #sunoo #light angst #oneshot #drabble #enhypen smut #jaemified

[compassionatereminders]

So, feel free to just delete this, obviously this is your blog lol I just feel like I need to spill it to a 3rd party, I hope that's ok- it's really long though so 100% there is no expectation to read or post it LMAO

So, I got into a big argument with my (now ex) gf where I basically said she and her friends, who said they were my friends too, were pretty much leaving me out of group chat convos and talking behind my back (I know this because they brought stuff up that I'd only told her.) And like- I understand I'm not going to be involved in literally every conversation she has! Some things are just between her and her friends, that's fine, I have friends I talk to without her too! But the fact that *nothing* I told her stayed between us made me really insecure and paranoid, so I stopped telling her important stuff, and then she got upset that I wasn't talking to her as much or giving her as much time. When I told her why, she got more upset and kind of dodged the accusation, saying that if I respected her more and gave her more of my time then we would be better off and I would be a better girlfriend.

I left the group chat pretty suddenly because I was overwhelmed and just didn't feel like I could do it anymore; they all expected me to be online 24/7 even when I told them I couldn't be, and because of this, there were a lot of times where my ex would send a picture of herself, get lots of support from the friends, and then they'd turn this silent spotlight onto me to see what I had to say about the selfie. Then, when I didn't respond bc I was busy, they would all get passive aggressive, and my ex would (I hate to use this word but I cant think of another one) mope about it until I apologized or did something to make up for it.

Recently we all made up, i apologized for whag i said because some of it was mean, and I was invited back to thr original GC, but it turns out they had all been talking bad about me behind my back, saying I was a coward for leaving, i was jealous of her talking to other people, and that I needed to support her no matter what, even if it was something I didn't agree with (we'd gotten into minor spat about abortion rights; im pro-choice, shes not, and it made me upset to find out). I dont really know how to feel. On one hand, yeah- they were supporting their friend who had a (fairly messy? Idk, that was my first relationship) breakup and sometimes a little smack talk is warranted, I won't pretend I was perfect. But on the other... they brought up a lot of stuff I did before we broke up that I didn't realize was a problem. How I don't like group calls because of my anxiety and that made me even more of a coward, how I didn't like sending pictures of myself and that was apparently me faking being insecure for attention, how I wouldn't answer things in the GC immediately even though they knew I had work and at the time was my nephew's most reliable babysitter.

My fight or flight activates pretty much every time I even open the app, but I don't want to just up and leave again because then they'd get mad all over. They haven't said anything to my face, so maybe I'm just projecting my insecurities or something, and I knew things wouldn't be the same as they were before, but I feel like my being back in the group has caused some serious tension. 2 of them clearly don't like me but won't say anything about it. 1 of them claims he's always blunt and will call me out if I go too far or smth, but he never has, and he was a big part of talking about me.

I don't know. They make me want to just ghost them and find new friends but 1. I would feel terrible if someone ghosted me and 2. I don't really have many opportunities to meet new people at the moment. I have 1 friend who isn't part of it but he lives an 18 hour drive away.

I know your relationship dynamic changed recently (in a good way, right?) so I really hope this wasn't like, uncomfortable to read or anything. Sorry for the mega rant

These people sound emotionally immature to the point of being toxic. I don't think you'll regret leaving this chat and moving on

#chat with kat #abortion tw

[the-fangirl-diaries]

"Therefore, I am not obligated to respond to messages that are inappropriate or rude. Like I said, if I don't respond to messages, it is because I am busy..." ----- If anyone is making you feel bad for not replying straight away, I'm sorry. Nobody should be forced or made to feel bad for not being able to reply. We are all busy, dealing with personal things or sometimes we just forget to respond. You seem like a lovely person and don't let anyone make you feel shitty for not being able to talk to them 24/7. If someone doesn't understand that others have lives and can't talk to them when it's convenient for them, then perhaps they need to take a step back and not blame others all the time, and be more empathetic) I have people on here that I don't reply to straight away, but we know life gets busy. We reply when we can. Doesn't mean we're mad or dont' wanna be friends anymore. I hope you are okay and have a good day!!

EXACTLY!!! I understand why it may be concerning that I don't respond right away, but who knows? They might be in school or have a job that take up a majority of their day and sometimes all they want is to rest and unwind, and depending on their time zone, go to sleep.

Just because they're active, they might be too tired to have a long conversation with someone, I would rather they take care of their mental and physical well-being. And same with me, I need to take some time to look after myself as well.

Thank you for your concern and for understanding. I am doing well, and I hope you have a good rest of your day/night. :)

#jessie speaks #jessie irl #jessie answers

[tfyouthinkiam505]

my red flags

(alot of these are from personal experience)

if they hate cats or really any animal (bugs not included). they can d i s l i k e an animal(except cats) but if they say they h a t e a certain animal? red flag (not including people with phobias of those animals unless theyre unwilling to try and work past them)

if theyre patriotic. i never trust someone with an American flag. 9/10 times, theyre a pos

if they have a mustache without a beard or a beard without a mustache. idk, jus gives me bad vibes. its like wearing only one sock.

if they drive a pickup truck. no explanation needed

if they wear those like, , razor sunglasses?? idk what theyre called n im too lazy to look them up. but theyre probably racist or homophobic n those sunglasses just look ugly as sin

hunters and fishermen. ive never met a hunter or fisherman that didnt make me feel uncomfortable or wasnt a horrible person

if they dont take proper care of any animals they have. shows you dont care about anyone or anything but yourself

people who only talk about getting high or being high or wanting to be high or are always high. i know you wont respond to any of my messages and will choose getting high over spending time with me in a heart beat and will only ever wanna hang out with me if its to smoke up together (from personal experience)

people who smoke cigarettes inside. its cooler and more aesthetically pleasing if you do it outside and it shows that you care about how your house may smell to guests and/or you care about the health of any pets you have in the house

people with big families. you prob have no sense of personal space n think you have a right to anything and everything (personal experience)

people who are really close to their family. i hate my family and will be sad and jealous and ik you wont understand that and will think im just weird and your parents will be too friendly to me n ill prob cry. youll always want to be over there and spend every holiday there and get mad at me when i ask if we can spend the holidays with my family (also from personal experience)

last two combined. i have social anxiety. so no, i dont want to go to your family dinner and meet your 5 sisters, 3 brothers, 7 nieces n nephews, 8 cousins, all your aunts n uncles, parents, and grand parents and great grand parents. especially if its the first time theyre meeting me cause i dont wanna be the center of attention (again, personal experience. "dw, itll just be a small family gathering". bitch, there were near 100 people there wtf. n he had to go around n introduce me to as many people as possible)

people who are overly vocal about their relationship. again, anxious. im a very reserved person. i dont want all your friends and family to know about me and what we do together. i dont wanna be put on blast 24/7.

people with a very strong social media presence. kina pairs in with the last one. cause ik youre gonna post about me and tell everyone about me and the things we do. i want my relationships to be between me and my partner. they can know basic shit about me but i dont like knowing someones talking about me without knowing exactly what theyre saying

last two combined. ik youre gonna end up hating me and think im embarrassed to be with you or whatever just cause i dont post about you or pictures of you 24/7 or tell all my friends and family everything there is to know about you (personal experience)

adult virgins who are embarrassed about being virgins cause they think it makes them a lesser person. ik they dont want anything from me other than to use my body so they can accomplish some stupid goal within themselves. homie, if it means that much to you, hit up a sex worker. (personal experience)

only childs. ik youre spoiled n are use to getting just about whatever you want n think the world revolves around you (personal experience)

middle and upper class people. youre not gonna put thought or effort into anything during the holidays n just get something expensive. OR youre gonna put 0 thought n effort into something n just get the cheapest thing possible n expect me to give more than you. this also includes things like love and emotional support. ik youre gonna expect everything from me n not give anything in return

people who suck at taking pictures of themselves. you dont care enough

people who are too good at taking pictures of themselves. youre full of yourself

people who are always taking pictures of themselves. youre also full of yourself

people who only have professionally taken photos of themselves. who tf do you think you are???

people who only post pictures and videos of themselves at parties and clubs and cafes n shit. we get it, youre living a happy and fulfilling life. stfu, i wanna see pictures of you just laying in bed or doing normal every day shit

people who fit perfectly into stereotypes. actual text book definitions come to life. get away from me

basic ones, people who support trump, the military, and/or police officers. i dont wanna be within 30 feet of you, 100ft if theres no people around.

anither basic one. people who think the US is the best country. youre actually delusional n you definitely ignore any problems even if theyre right in front of you. youre gonna blame everyone but yourself for any problems you caused. youre also entitled af

thats all i got off the top of my head so far

[wolfimprints]

Im brazilian and thats very important to me. I hate dealing with negative feelings because they make overwhelmed and i just push them away and focus on other things. Im not exacly an empathic person but i always try to be, i ocassionally have moral flaws (like cursing a lot, but not calling other people names, responding to bullies when they come at me and stealing things from big bussiness) but nothing too serious. I'm a bit of a showoff and live my life thinking "if this was a movie it would be awesome it i did that", people say i can be very agressive but im actually really affectionable, i will get mad if people make fun of me for that. Im an elder sister and i often feel like a teen mother to my baby sister and my own mum, in school i dont have any problems besides loudly talking, cursing and responding back to bullies (teachers or not), i actually have great grades and my assignement are awesome. I sometimes mess with dangerous people for the sake of getting money since i've been job hunting for months and got nothing out of it and im ashamed to ask help from my neighbours, i dont touch drugs or alchohol since i think its disgusting and i hate the idea of losing control of my own body, i usually only steal things and the sell for them.

Back to school again: There is this guy who wants to beat me because i scratched his hand when he grabbed my head, something i had asked him to stop and he didn't, my friends thinks i picked the fight, same friends that usually belittle me but i still hang around for the sake of not being alone, im a bit scared to the fight, not that i will ever admit to anyone but strangers online, i hurt that guy (Paulo, a tall fag idiot) because i didn't wanted people to think they can hurt me, but im angry knowing i can't count on my friends. I feel very alone with them, alone and small and powerless, they are not all that bad but i dont like how they make fun of me but i can't explain it, i feel like im 7 years old again, i also hate how i feel like i can't be an real person without my family (i live with my mom, grandma, baby sister and six beautiful dogs). Im a 17 bisexual female, i like sports but im ashamed of doing in public because of my boobs and my collegues talking about it, i like a lot of songs and im very ecletic, i like supernatural horror things and i have an morbid fascination to female criminals, my favorite band is The Acid, i love black bis bar and kit kat, coffee and spicy foods, but i hate eating and drinking at the same time, i love shopping and skincare but i have spending money, i'm also very self disciplined in regards of my eating, like a schedule, people say i curse a lot but i dont think so, they are just pussies. Idk if that helps but my mbti is ESFP, 3w2, 371 so/sx. i think im being too extra but i like details. sorry.

I sip you with... PAUL!

Okay, so hear me out, it can go 2 ways: either it's an enemies-to-lovers scenario, where he was messing with you and he wasn't expecting you to respond the way you did, and he's intrigued ; or it's a "Guys, did you see how she shut that guy! Good for him!" and he'll be in awe.

Once you're officially together, you become such a powercoupleTM. No one dares mes up with you, no one! He lives for you to retort anything to anyone. And if it's a pack member - Sam included especially if it's Sam -, Paul won't be able to shut up about your skills and your courage.

Somehow, Leah and you would become bestfriends, dissing the pack 24/7, having no one to contradict you.

And, if you're not feeling all too good about yourself, one day, you can count on Paul to take your defense the second he sees you ain't in your best mood.

Thank you for requesting!

-M-C

#twilight #wolfpack #paul lahote #twilight ships #wolfpack ships #paul lahote ships

[medicasino]

fuck it i’m making a character with obsessive tendencies towards people who isn’t a stalker/creepy because i Said So. who’s gonna stop me? God?

#affie txt #i love making representation that i desperately wish i saw <3 #i still wonder what is up with me sometimes bc i wish i knew What these things r or what theyre called n stuff like that but #this sure isnt neurotypical levels of liking someone. i am. hmmm. #i dont think being jealous about someone even HAVING friends and subconsciously wishing they didnt and relied on u more #and having dreams about and with them consistently #and constantly subconsciously thinking about scenarios with them and them being nice and forgiving to you and hugging you #and wanting to talk to them 24/7 and being mad they dont respond #and prioritizing them over all your other friends in terms of opinion #and literally being willing to do bad things to yourself if they asked you to #and getting jealous when they so much as be NICE to someone else #** not mad when they didnt respond i meant upset but ok #and just constantly feeling guilt about how much ur obsessed w this person #yet not actually being in Love with them. i gotta make it clear this is NOT a crush thing. /srs #oh! also add not being able to look at pictures of their face without feeling guilt because of the above #yeah ummm i dunno if thats what the homies call obsession but the fact that i wrote all of that from personal experience rn is. ummmmmmm #i think this is not normal. i am fucked up. a little. <3 #i think this is the kinda shit where if i told someone who i didnt trust they'd call me a ps//yc//h* and hate me? i think thts it #cus like the idea of panning this off as just a crush seems a bit fuckin ridiculous bc like.... ive had one of those b4 i think #(on a real person) #(and also fictional characters) #and lemme tell you it felt DIFFERENT #there is a difference between butterflies in my stomach when i see a picture of them and #guilt in my stomach from seeing a picture of them #idk man if anyone sees this sorry im insane? #also if fsr this isnt actually obsessive tendencies #please correct me /gen #i dont wanna misuse mental health terms yunno. i wont be mad /gen #self harm tw #< for one of those tags

[windsweptlassie]

On Love

So as you know I made this uquiz with an open-ended question at the end, tell me something about love, and I’ve gotten the most wonderful responses! They range from descriptions of wonderful partners: 

Lauren: oh, how long I went without being myself until I met him and he showed me who I truly was and that my worth was higher than I ever thought was possible

Levi: I love who we are with each other. I love who I am with you. In your company I am me. In your company I am the best of me. The best with the best, I've told you. I wouldn't give you up for anything

Daniel: i fell in love for the first time when i was 17... at the time, i didn’t realize it was the first time, i thought i’d been in love before, a couple times actually, but falling in love at 17 was such a fulfilling experience, it felt so forceful yet so right. it’s when i first truly understood what love was. never before had i felt so understood and so cared for as i did when i was in love with her, and she was in love with me. it’s been nearly 4 years since then, and nearly 3 years since we broke up and stopped talking, and still, i think about her almost every day. i’ve never known anyone like her; to me, she was love itself.

El: oh i’m in love with everyone that i know op!!! especially my girlfriend, of course ,but also my friends and my family and random people on the street and uh

Grace: i’ve met my soulmate and we plan on getting an apartment and marrying after college

A: I’m going to ask the woman I love to marry me and I just wanted to tell someone because I am so excited

Jeremy: you ever have that feeling where basically after years of denying that someone couldnt understand you in a way or love you and then the next thing you know you happen to find that person and its just great from then on out? idk how to explain it anyways I love my boyfriend so much he means the world to me

Lucy: i am so happy i have found the one i love

to descriptions of best friends and favorite people:

Nightbyrd: Love is a hug from an alzheimer's patient who hasn't the foggiest idea who you are, but they know you're worth hugging.

H: I have been doing so much yoga with my roommate recently!! It's a great way to center my mind for an hour

Riv: [platonic] i’ve literally never met anyone who understands me in the way that my best friends do. they’re literally the best people in the whole world and i genuinely don’t know what i’d do without them. i love them with my whole heart

Cillian: when i talk about how much i love my best friend i get so teary eyed because i cant believe that such a genuinely wonderful person wants to speak to me every day - i care for her more than anyone else on this planet

O: my two besties are my sources of happiness and they’re so pretty i would die for them :D

to beautiful quotes:

Kai: "you have bewitched me, body and soul, and I love, I love, I love you. I never wish to be parted from you from this day on." DARCYYYY PLS MY HEART CANT HANDLW THIS PAIN

Dorian: When the plane went down in San Francisco, I thought of my friend M. He’s obsessed with plane crashes. He memorizes the wrecked metal details, ____the clear cool skies cut by black scars of smoke. Once, while driving, he told me about all the crashes: The one in blue Kentucky, in yellow Iowa. How people go on, and how people don’t. It was almost a year before I learned that his brother was a pilot. I can’t help it, I love the way men love. (accident report in the tall, tall weeds- ada limon, bright dead things)

Adam: every day I think about lemony snicket I will love you if I never see you again I will love you if I see you every Tuesday or however it goes. and it KILLS ME. love only fits in small things

Hero: “Your heart beats in my ribs and mine in yours, and both in God’s… The divine magnet is in you, and my magnet responds.” - Herman Melville to Nathaniel Hawthorne

Mary: "Love is watching someone die."

Alex: "meet me at blue diner, i'll take coffee and talk about nothing baby"

Sparrow: "How dare you love me like you've never known fear?" and "For you, the world," and "Darling, I was born to press my head between your shoulder blades," and "Will you start where I end?"

V: " You want to die for love. You always have. " and "someone will remember us, I say, even in another time" are living rent free in my mind 24/7 and I'm shaking. When will I finally be not the only one falling ?

Sahar K: To love another person is to see the face of god!!!

Miriam: all the love in the world is useless when there is total lack of understanding- kafka

Juls: Don’t you think they are maybe the same? Love and attention

to practices of love:

Leo; i love feeling happy bc somebody that i love is happy and comfortable....like its not about me i just love seeing you smile. we are safe together...idk i just feel it bro

A: I like to think love is leaning on each other during the light or dark days. Its a personal mission of mine to find out who I am and what I want. Yet I never seem to find my place in this world and as I look and look , I realise the only place I can be myself even with or without the efforts to find myself was done on that day or not, I am always tired so shall I lean on you? And you can lean on me as well. I shall be your fig tree and you shall be my favourite willow tree.

L: It's too late at night to be soul searching, but it's a journey we all seem to find ourselves on these days.

Anthi: feeling safe and at home, I guess (also I love frogs)

Julia: ive found that loving someone is like becoming your own thesaurus. you have to find or come up with infinite ways to say, you’re beautiful, or, i love you. it’s a gift

Galexies: ive been writing letters to the person i'd love one day since i was 14. i write them in a little journal usually, but i've been digitizing them into emails and sending them to one account that i'll give to them someday. i'd like to put pictures, but i haven't been outside much recently so theres that. i wonder if they'd like the sunsets i have on file, or if they'd find my cat cute in a bowtie.

Caeles: Love is sharing fruit slices and making someone tea at random

Dundy: Love is sending your friends cursed shit and watching them react in horror

to crushes and potential loves: 

Jess: I have a crush on my roommate. It sucks, but it's also wonderful. I get to be around him all the time when we're at school. we share a life together; it's rather domestic. I think a lot about marrying him and being domestic with him forever. It won't happen, and I'll move on eventually, but I'll be happy with him for as long as I can. I hope you feel loved tonight, because you are. Sleep well.

Aki: I so desperately want to believe that love is fake because I’ve seen what happens when loved ones leave but whenever I start to convince myself that I’ll never love anyone my best friend messages me telling me she loves me. She’s the only person I’ve ever pictured having a future with but love scares me and I don’t really know what to do but I think as long as she’s with me in some way, I’ll be fine

Hi: her her i keep thinking abt her.... gonna see her in 8 days or so i really miss her. its ok if shes never gonna love me like i want her to really being her friend spending time with her makes me the happiest girl on earth.... outsold antidepressants

Kit: this guy i have a crush on has hypnotically dark brown eyes and he's wonderful and shows me kindness like no one else

Juno: my crush has all the stars in his eyes

Mads: When I have the courage to meet my eyes with hers, the world stands still

Be Nice To Me: Look bro I never do these but I am yearning to hold them SO badly right now and someone needs to know it besides me

to the trials of love: 

Pppppp: I just wanna love like from the movies and what I read about.. but everyone tells me that that’s fictional and rare to find in the real world and it sucks bc it seems like all the guys I’ve met are terrible and the norms of society are all about not respecting women and uthdjdjdk

Manny: I have been in love before and I will be again but I’m not now and I miss it

Ok: I don't think I've ever been in love, though I love many people. I am waiting for the day I look at someone and can say, YES. IT'S YOU.

Chloe: idk rn i'm like okay with my love and i'm happy so we'll see i'm just a little cautious rn bc my last partner told me i didn't know how to love

L: love is so fucking complicated I don't even know where to start

Corrin: He’s not real and it worried me that I will never allow myself to live or be loved because I will always be waiting for him

Sean: Good luck it dont exist

Serena: i want 2 b in love :(( </3

13: I don’t know anymore

M: I just really don’t like dealing with it lol

to beloved characters: 

Janaya: I’m madly in love with my comfort and kin character and I hope maybe in the afterlife I can relive a life with him in some sort of dimension

Jhgjdf: when i was a kid i had a crush on ash ketchum from pokemon and id always daydream about being a female pkmn trainer and meeting him and we fall in love

to advice and prose: 

Mikolai: Love is earth, gentle and soft at first flight but upon being broken, drowns you in the dry choking wastes of its consequences...

Thex: Your hands will not go cold without someone to hold them. I am here. I will be here.

Kat: it is the nearest proof to god that i find myself surrounded by people who love in a way that complements so wonderfully the way i love

H: believe in love out of spite believe in love to prove everyone wrong believe in love because you were told not to and we will not do what we’re told anymore believe in love because it’s the strongest act of teenage rebellion we have left believe in love because it’s easier not to and when is easy worth doing? believe in love because everything says otherwise but you are untouchable, you are your own, you are not made by their design believe in love because, perhaps, you are love

Ali: I used to want a kind of love that feels like coming home and now I want nothing more than to be away from home on many different adventures

Em: you dont need to love yourself to accept it from others

to the small, the simple, and the sweet:

Ireal: Poems

O: Flowers

Fay: ah im sorry that i’m feeling unmotivated but you are very kind.

Ad: we love LOVE

A: <3

Isak: small things

H: intense

Hey: Listening to a clock ticking away

S: her

E: <3

Hania: Amorous, I adore that word ^^

Catboy: wholesome

J: i love love so much it hurts

Emmy: hi i love the song darkest of discos!! try and give it a listen!! <3

Nora: Love is painful, but most of the time love is great

Ariel: i like the comfort it can bring

M: i love love

to food!

Cool Whip: Matzoh ball soup!!

Woop: I love sausages.... I hope that's ok with you?

and animals too <3

Nee: hmm i have pet geckos and i love them very much!

96: raccoons ????

DJ Big Penis: cats

:3: I Love frogs,,, love is stored in the frog,,,

I hope that this serves as a sweet compilation of what love means! Love to all of you, it warms my heart so much to hear about your people and your geckos and your characters and soup and all the songs and quotes you love. <3 Strength to all of you who are figuring out to do about your feelings for your crush, and congratulations to you who are proposing or moving in with your person! Your words are a source of light to me, truly.

#on love #love files #uquiz #mine #shut up queenie #long post

[violentviolette]

How do u cope with perceived rejection? I'm at the point rn where I don't want to leave the house bc I don't want to interact with anyone anymore.

oof, that sucks. im sorry anon.

honestly for me its a combo of a lot of little things and techniques but also its still hard sometimes. I also don't have any issue when it comes to strangers. I dont care if random people don't like or reject me or think negatively of me I only care if the people I care about and want to like me don't like me. if that makes sense? so sorry if some of this isnt as helpful for those kinds of situations

but okay so my main steps are usually firstly reminding myself that I'm not that important in peoples lives. and I dont mean that in a self depreciating way so just stay with me. most people are self centered in that were all the most important person to ourselves, we live in our own brains and with our own thoughts 24/7 and so were constantly thinking about ourselves and our behavior and our life and all the things going on in it that are important to us. and like thats a good normal thing but that also means that so is everyone else. no one is paying as much attention to me and what im doing as I am, because theyre paying attention to themselves.

so I remind myself of that and remind myself that most people have a lot going on that has nothing to do with me and so their bad mood or their quietness or their weird vibe isnt them hating and rejecting me, it just means theyre upset and theres a millions reasons why that could be that are more important to them than some little thing i did.

next up is that whatever the most mundane and casual explination that exists is, is probably the truth. and even if i truly think it isnt, i act as if it is until someone directly tells me otherwise. is someone not talking to me today or hasnt replied in hours? theyre probably really busy at work or eating or showering or maybe their phone is dead, and it helps me to ask myself “well when are some times ive taken 2 hours to respond and why was that” and if im being actually honest with myself i will find times when i have behaved the same but wasnt mad at someone or rejecting them. so i always force myself to believe the mundane solution, which helps me not act on any of my feelings.

because even if i really cant believe it in the moment, i can act like i do. so say someone hasnt talked to me and i feel like theyre rejecting me, i tell myself its just because theyre busy and not because theyre mad and force myself to act accodingly. i message them a normal amount and i dont mention my feelings or suspicions and then eventually they always talk to me again like normal and then i can be like “see, eveyrthing was fine and we were just being crazy. glad i didnt do anything about it”

only act on direct information, never assumptions. i act like nothing is wrong until someone directly tells me it is, because i dont live in their head and i cant read their thoughts. i dont truly know how they’re thinking and feeling until they tell me. (and for all u other aspd and npd assholes out there NO U DONT. genuinly and honestly. people are always capable of surprising us and even when we think we have them nailed and know exactly what their thinking, even if were right, u cannot just assume someones thoughts and take it as fact. its disordered and unhealthy and u need to stop doing it if u want better relationships with others) and if they haven’t directly told me something is wrong, then they haven’t communicated properly and that is on them. i dont read into vagueposts or status updates or tweets or level of activity or anything. i notice all of it because my brain is crazy but i force myself to ignore everything except the direct words someone says to me.

is their discord status something super upset that i think vaguely relates to me? that means nothing what was the last thing they said to me? oh that they love me and then we had a totally normal interaction. thats whats the truth, and if they were lying and they actually are mad at me, then thats on them for literally communicating the exact opposite of their feelings.

and lastly, if its people who ur close with, u can also ask for reassurance or validation in a way that doesnt accuse them of doing anything wrong. i will often go to my wife and instead of being like “are u mad at me?” or something i’ll say “im feeling really fragile today can u help reassure me that u love me and that im good?” or “I know u love me but can u tell me again i need to hear it extra today” or if its a friend sometimes i’ll say “hey im feeling kind of insecure and anixious today, when u get a chance could u reassure me that we’re still friends?” or literally just coming in the chat like “hello friends i require validation today” and then people will repsond with emojis and “god mood” and i will feel better

these are good ways to ask for support because they dont put any blame or onus on the other person, its about u and ur feelings, and usually if its people who care about u they’ll have no problem doing that. my friends and i tell eachother very often that we love and care about and genuinly like one another because reassurance and validation is Good and it should be a normal part of ur relationships. (no one insert a screenshot of that time ryo said he was feeling paranoid we hated him so i instantly sent him screenshots of my dms about my crush on him i will skin u)

but yea. those are the main things i do and tell myself and sorry this got so long but i dont know how to explain things like this without a million words lol i hope that made sense and that some of it was helpfull for u

#percieved rejection #npd #bpd #cluster b #actually npd #actually borderline #rejection #insecure attachment #insecure relationships #jack.speaks #anon #sorry this took me so long to answer but i wanted to make sure it made sense and i had a lot to say #clearly lol #long post

[sammyxorae]

Falling For You - Chapter 2

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Reader

Word Count: 1.8k

Warnings: cussing, kissing, fluff

Summary: This chapter is literally a filler chapter, it kind of sucks but oh well. Spencer x Y/N learn they have more in common than they thought when it comes to life experiences, but they also learn more about each other and their feelings. :P

***

Spencer came back into the living/family room. He looked upset but in deep thought.

“Hey, are you ok?” you asked as he came over and sat down next to you.

You could tell he was really holding back, but you stayed quiet now. Spencer rubbed his face and began talking about his Mom going missing.

“I’ve had some stuff go on in the last couple of months and because of the nature of my job, sometimes the people I care about also get affected by it. Now she is missing and we can’t find her,” he went on, you could see tears running down his face. You lightly put your hand on his knee, not wanting to startle him.

“You don’t have to tell me everything if you’re not comfortable, I understand. Sometimes it’s just nice to have someone to be around,” you said in a calm, soothing voice. This was one of those times that you were glad that empathy was a natural gift for you, but not because of being a therapist, just that you really did feel for Spencer.

“She’s a paranoid schizophrenic and although many individuals who aren’t being treated are more likely to leave where they’re staying and get lost, she is getting treated and staying somewhere. She was being watched by someone, who I was paying to stay at my house while I was working during the day. It was safe there…” he quietly spoke, doubting his own words, “or so I thought…”

“I’m sorry Spencer, I really am, but I also understand what you’re going through. My mom has schizophrenia and I’ve seen her have episodes and run away, even when she was on medications and being treated. Growing up I had to pretend that my mom was just on vacation somewhere and that no one could come over. I also know what it’s like to have someone go missing. My best friend had a habit of doing that when we were kids, but one day she was finally taken from her Dad and placed with someone else. Losing someone regardless is scary.” You empathize with him and share a very deep part of that you didn’t normally let out. It felt like taking a breath of fresh air, someone who wasn’t going to judge you.

“I hate to do this to you, but I do have to leave. I have to go into work even though I’m supposed to be on ‘leave.’ Hopefully I can find my Mom,” his eyes showed exhaustion but looked at you as if they were smiling. It made you blush and you couldn’t hide it, making him chuckle.

“Of course you can go,” you smiled, still blushing by the looks that he kept giving you.

“I’m going to stay a little bit longer, they said they don’t need me until 8am and it’s 5:30am. But when I leave, I could always come back later. It shouldn’t take long. Here’s my number though,” he took out his phone and grabbed yours on the table, putting each other's information in both. “As long as that’s okay of course. I don’t want to intrude,” he looked at you again.

You can stay as long as you want with the way you keep looking at me. Stop Y/N. Reel it back. You smiled at him, grabbing his hand again, “of course you can come back over. I’d love that. Again, I’m really sorry about everything you’re going through.”

Normally you don’t just hug someone randomly, especially because some people don’t respond to touch well, but you just had this instinct driving inside of you to hug him. At first his response was to jolt, to the point you almost stopped, but then he put his arms around you, pulling you into him like you were when you woke up a half hour ago. Have you ever just met someone and immediately you feel comfortable with them? No matter what is going on and how upset you may be, they find a way to soothe you, to the point you couldn’t get mad at them? Well, that’s how you felt with Spencer.

“You know, I don’t normally do well with touch. It normally bothers me, but I didn’t feel that way with you,” he looked at you again, and damn was that man making you melt into a puddle of water.

You decided to be brave, reached for his face and kissed him. His lips were soft and he was more than willing to return the kiss. You smiled as you pecked a few at each other and you could feel the heat rising in your body.

Spencer began to speak softly, “There’s a possibility you may be feeling this way because of me saving you. I’m sure you’ve heard of transference be-” you shut him up by kissing him more. This time with more force and moving your body up so that you could straddle his lap. You felt the pain on your knee and leg from the day before, but told yourself to shut up and continue before the boy genius decided to talk again.

That was until he threw his hand into your hair, gripping it enough to make you moan on his lips, but also gentle. You did the same to his hair, and slowly peppered kisses over to his ear, breathing hot air into them. The light giggle that came out of your mouth coincided with the moans that came from his mouth. He pulled your hair to have control of your head with one hand to get access to your neck, while his other hand wrapped around your body, pulling you in as close to him as he could. You honestly felt as if he wasn’t going to let you go, but you really didn’t care if he did or not.

You started to feel something underneath you and you smiled knowing exactly what you felt.

“Hmm.. wonder what that is?” you whispered into his ear, now biting his earlobe and then moving quickly back to his lips with even more need than before. You slowly started to move your hips against his, both of your kisses sloppy with one another.

“Y/N, I want this more than anything, but I want to do this when you’re ready. I don’t want this to be a one time thing,” he spoke quietly, stopping you and holding your face. “I met you less than 24 hours ago and there is something you’ve done inside of me that I can’t even explain.”

“I feel the same way as you do,” you leaned into him as your heart rate started to slow down. You put your head on his shoulder and he hugged you again.

“I want to do this right, if that’s what it is. Please,” he begged you and whispered into your ear.

You heard what he said, you weren’t upset, in fact, you agreed with him. As much as you wanted this man to take you and show you what he’s made of, you needed to go slower and at this point, you felt as if your body was about to give into another bout of sleep.

He didn’t need to hear your response, he got your answer when you kissed him gently again and slid off into his arms to cuddle him. Slowly, you began to fall asleep again.

***

The two of you fell asleep but this time you were woken up to a body not behind you and Spencer’s voice talking. You tried to listen, but decided against it. You didn’t want to eavesdrop, it really wasn’t fair. If he wanted to tell you, he would.

You grabbed your phone and saw that you got another couple hours of sleep in. It was now 7:30am. Spencer hung up the phone and came over to you.

“They may have a lead on my Mom, more than they did just a few hours ago,” he spoke. “I really need to go.”

“Go, go. Let me know what happens or call me before you come over, I might be sleeping,” you laughed.

He kissed your forehead and was out the door.

Still a little sore and tired, you went and took some tylenol, noticing that you could at least walk better today, and you felt like you should probably try to sleep again and in bed this time. Walter came over and licked your face as you laid down in your bed. Again, you felt sleep hit you like a brick.

***

After a few hours, you woke up noticing that it was around 12pm and that it was going to be a long unproductive day. You got out of bed and tried to clean whatever you could without hurting yourself and finished up some session notes from the few days before, but that time it was 3pm. You called your friend and told her about Spencer. She, of course, harassed you about it and told her to shove it, but that you definitely had an interest in him. She ultimately told you she would kick his ass if he hurt you.

You let Walter out, managing to get down and up the stairs without much of an issue and fed him. You sat down on the couch again, noticing it was around 4:04pm and thought you should probably eat, but when you started to think about what to have, you fell asleep again.

*KNOCK* KNOCK* *KNOCK*

You woke up, not knowing what was going on. “What?” you grumbled to yourself.

*KNOCK* KNOCK* *KNOCK*

You grabbed your phone and noticed that it was 7:34pm and you had no phone calls or texts, so you definitely weren’t expecting anyone. You stumbled off the couch in clumsiness and reached the door. You rubbed your eyes and opened the door. If you weren’t awake then, you sure as hell were now.

Spencer was standing right in front of you, but this time he looked different. He was wearing an FBI jacket, still looking handsome as ever but there were 3 others behind him. Two girls and a much older, fatherly-looking, handsome man.

Spencer walked into your apartment, the other three introduced themselves. The brown headed one being Emily Prentiss, the pretty blonde was Jennifer Jareau, or JJ, and the older man was Dave Rossi.

You let them in and looked at Spencer as he was walking around your place.

You walked over to him, stopping him and looking him dead in the eyes. This was something you hadn’t seen in him before, though only knowing him for 48 hours, that would make more sense. But no, this was something sinister, anger, and you were a bit frightened.

“Spencer!” you yelled with your hand on his chest, “What the hell is going on?!”

“We need to talk.”

***

taglist - @spnackleholicswainer @alexa-ann-blog @crazysocklovingfangirl@totallysupernaturaloneshots @crowleysplaythings @i-dont-understand-that-url @baritonechick @samanthasmileys @sammys-angel @dont-hate-relate-pls@thegameison97 @growningupgeek @ive6669 @your-favorite-emo @fandom-has-ruined-my-life @youcanhavit @hillface89 @angelkurenai@letmewriteyourlove @fangirl1802 @robbenedictxreader @ellienovak@psycho-moose-sammy @ashiewesker @hudine @paddy121996-blog@wayward-mirage @zymmas @evyiione @heatherhoney2000-blog @gabriels-trix @your-not-invisible-to-me me @carry-on-my-wayward-girls@reigningqueenofwords @writings-of-desire @haylaansmi @justanothetfangirl​ 

#criminal minds #criminal minds fanfiction #criminal minds fan fiction #spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #doctor spencer reid #dr spencer reid #dave rossi #jennifer jareau #emily prentiss #cat adams #falling for you

[50-percent-winchester-sister]

Hidden Talents

Prompt: You hid something from them for quite a while, and they want to know what it is

Dean: 28

Sam: 24

Y/N: 17

feat. Castiel whos over 3.9 Billion Years Old

Word Count: 2,862

  Art isn't something you purposely hid from your brothers...well the only reason you 'hid' your drawings and paintings are because you didn't know how they'll react.

  You three are hunters, you kill things, normality isn't 'normal' to you guys. Sam kinda forced you to go to high school and is encouraging you to finish it, and now you're in 11th grade.

  You don't bring things home in a sort of 'fear' that they'll see it. So you keep it in the art room and you draw and paint every day before and after school, since you don't have any art classes during school, you're just in the art club

  "Y/N, come on we gotta go! Hurry up or we'll leave you here" Dean yells through the bunker, you, on the other hand, are running through the halls with your duffel bag in one hand and a notebook in another. You accidentally left your notebook on the couch and you're praying to Chuck Sam or Dean didn't look in it.

  "I'm coming hold on a sec!" You yell back. You throw your notebook on your bed and close your door. You're about to go down the stairs when you go down the first two steps and whoops, you fell all the way down to the bottom.

  Sadly enough you busted your nose on the floor and there's blood and comes in Sam, who runs towards you in a slight panic. "What happened? Are you okay? Where are you bleeding?"

  You smile a little and point at your nose, "fell down the stairs" you say while getting up. Sam helps you up, picks up your bag and throws it around his arm. "Ouch, your nose looks a little bruised, isn't broken though, go clean up and hurry, you know Dean doesn't like waiting."

  You thank him for him getting your bag and you run to the bathroom, you run past Dean and he stops you by holding onto your arm. "Hey, woah hold on there, what happened?" "Fell down the stairs, no big deal," you say as you lightly yank your arm back.

   He starts laughing at you and a few seconds later he adds, "Only you can do something like that" "Dean it's very common to fall down that stairs! I'm going to clean up, wait for me in the car."

  The blood was coming faster than you thought because you were starting to become light-headed and the pressure you are putting on your face to stop the blood is the painful kind of hurting. The lightest touch on your nose makes you flinch in pain.

  'Such a baby quit that' you thought. Leaning on the bathroom sink you almost yelled Sam or Dean's name but you knew he was in the car. Your phone was in your bag that Sam took so you couldn't do anything but hurry on to the impala and suck it up.

  Still bleeding, you run towards the impala when you suddenly got light-headed again and you leaned a hand on the car to keep steady when you look up and see Dean open the car door and say, "Hey hey hey no hands on my baby, get in."

  Rolling your eyes you open up the back door and go inside. Thirty minutes into the drive to Stillwater, Minnesota, and Sam is starting to realize you haven't talked in a while. He turns around asks "Babe, you okay? You look kinda pale in the face."

  Took you a couple of seconds to respond but you squeeze out a "What? Uhh yeah yeah I'm good," you say as you look absolutely stoned, a.k.a you look like you're about to pass out.

  "Dean, she looks like she's about to die, how about we take her back to the bunker." Sam says to Dean, looking a little worried." Dean, on the other hand, is confused. "What? Sam, she looks fine, we ain't leaving her." "Dean, I bet you Chuck's soul shes going to faint while on this hunt, turn around"

  You tried to disagree but Sam kept on telling you that you need to rest up and get better. Reluctantly you gave up fighting and when you three got into the bunker, Dean helped you unpack your things when he saw the notebook on your bed. "Whats that Y/N?" You look at what Dean is pointing at and subconsciously you pick it up and look through it. "Nothing, just something for school."

  You aren't completely lying, it is for the art club, but Dean wouldn't want to know that, right? Who gives a crap about 'your' drawings. "You sure? You look a little panicked there, Y/N"

  "Guilt trip, how fun. quit interrogating me and get outta here, Leave or the case will be closed before you even get there." Dean kisses your forehead before turning to leave your room. That is until he fastly turns back around and snatches your notebook out of your hands and runs out. "Wh-DEAN WHAT THE HELL!?"

  You start chasing Dean when you get in the living room, Dean throws the notebook towards Sam and yells "SAMMY GET IN THE CAR, RUN" "FUCK SAM, STOP." Great, now you're chasing an actual giant, by the time you get even one-inch closer, Sams already in the car and he locked all four doors. "Samuel William Winchester don't you even fucking think about looking in that and if you do I swear to everything that is holy I will make sure that the next hunters' funeral will be yours." You say in the darkest undertone ever, even Sam looked surprised. "I don't even know whats going on, but if Dean wants it then-"

  "I DONT CARE WHAT DEAN WANTS, ITS MINE" You yell and halfway though you see Dean walking towards your distance. You walk and stop in front of Dean and you pull out your pocket knife, point it at his throat and say "Dean I'm only going to say this once. Give me back my notebook, now."

  "You know, baby girl, you don't scare me one bit so," proceeding to snatch your knife too and points it at your throat, "If you feel like trying to cut my neck again after we get back, I'd be happy to help out," he says with a shit-eating grin. He puts 'your' knife in 'his' pocket and gets in the driver seat. "Oh, and don't worry Y/N, we won't lose this," He says hold up practically the only thing look forward to nowadays.

  "I fucking hate you two, you know," you whisper under your breath, luckily they were too far away and in the car to hear. They turn the corner and that when you bust a hard cry. You walk back into your room and practically scream into your pillow

'fan-fucking-tastic they're gonna see my drawings'

'Some of it are drawings of them, they'll think I'm creepy as hell, like a banshee'

'I KNOW they'll tell me to stop playing with 'crayons' and focus solely on hunting'

  At this point, you're having a full-on panic attack, hyperventilating and all and you can swear your heart stopped when you heard a few light taps at your door. "Y/N, its Castiel, can I come in?" 'Oh, its Cas' you think to yourself. "Yeah, come in, it's unlocked" you sniffled afterward. "Is everything okay Y/N? I heard you crying and I came to help you" "Its cool Cas, thanks but you can't help me, it's just the boys being... boys" you sigh in defeat.

  "What did they do?"

____________________________________________

  Sam and Dean are about 2 hours away from Stillwater, and being almost 11:30 pm, they decided to head to a motel, but before that, they decided what was inside the precious little notebook you always have your nose in on your spare time.

  "Sammy, check it out and I'll look at it when we head to the motel," Dean tells Sam while looking at the road. "Dude she's gonna be pissed, you saw the way she was acting before we left." "That's why he 'have' to look into it, what if there's something dangerous in there?" Dean asks Sam, and Sam looking into the notebook halfway through Dean's sentence.

  "Yeah? Dangerous as in drawings? Dude, I didn't even know she can draw, let alone draw beautifully. I mean look at this Dean, it's us," Sam tells and shows Dean. Dean stops at the motel parking lot and looks at the drawing. The drawing is of Sam and Dean just last year, a replica of a picture that you took of them in their FBI suits (without them knowing of course.)

  "Holy shit, that's good, and why doesn't she want us to see this? This is really, really good I mean Sam look, I'm hot." Dean comments.

  "Because Dean, Y/N thinks you two will make her stop drawing," Castiel says, popping up at the right time, what a coincidence. "Goddammit, Cas you scared the shit out of me, don't just pop up like that without telling us first," Dean says. Both Sam and Dean jumped a little when they heard Cas's voice.

  "She thinks we'll make her stop? Why does she think that?" Sam asks Castiel with a confused look in his face. "Because Sam, she also thinks that if you found out she doesn't mostly focus on hunting, you two will be mad at her. You two need to talk to her, I tried but she doesn't want to talk back." Dean talks to Sam and then to both of them. Castiel teleports away leaving a confused Dean and a worried Sam in the car.

  "Dean?" "Not a word about this until we get back to the bunker, you hear?" Dean tells Sam. The hunt took two days, it would have taken longer but it went faster than they thought it would be, and honestly, they think its because they wanted to see you so badly. You didn't pick up any of their calls and you left both Sam and Dean on read.

  

Thursday:

Sammy Pu: Y/N? 12:00 Am

Sammy Pu: Babe? 12:15 Am

Sammy Pu: Please don't do this babe, please respond back 12:36 Am

Friday:

Sammy Pu: I love you, Y/N, well see you as fast as we can okay? 7:18 Am

Sammy Pu: I really hope you don't hate us for taking the notebook of your drawings 8:22 Am

Samy Pu: They are really good by the way, beautiful really, I'm proud of you 10:45 Am

Saturday:

Sammy Pu: Good news babe, were coming home soon 2:09 Pm

Sam knows you're ignoring him and if Dean is trying to talk to you, you're ignoring him too. They honestly didn't know how much this would upset you, if they knew, Dean wouldn't be such an idiot and take it from you.

  This time, Sam got to drive since Dean got a sprained arm from the hunt and even Dean had to tell Sam to slow down a little bit because Sam was going 20 over the speed limit.

  A few hours later, they enter Kansas and they enter the bunker. You hear the bunker door open and you know that it's them. So you run downstairs and you stop and look at them. They see you with red eyes and messed up hair, looks like you've been up for days.

  You walk up to Dean and you give him a fresh, crisp, slap on the face and you slapped him as hard as you possibly can, and he even walked back a little. And with Sam, you smacked the back of his head so damn hard your hand hurt on impact.

  "We deserve that," They both said in unison. "Damn fucking right you do, now give it back," You say with a tired and unenergetic voice. "Will do, princess," Dean says while taking your notebook out of his bag and hands it over to you, and you practically snatch it out of his hand.

  "You look tired as hell, go to sleep for a while and come talk to us whenever you wake up, okay, Y/N?" Sam tells you, "...Whatever" you respond with, going back upstairs, throwing your notebook on your desk, and throwing yourself on your bed.

  ____________________________________________

  You walk downstairs and you walk and stop at the bunker to see them talking to Castiel, and its probably about the hunt they went to. You were so pissed at them, and you think you still are, but nonetheless, they wanted to talk to you so why the hell not.

  "Morning," You say with a rough, crappy voice. "Its 5:30" Sam says with a small laugh at the end.

  "So how long was I out?" You ask and you honestly don't give a crap who answers at this point.

  "About 48 hours more or less" Dean responds. "TWO DAYS? And none of you came and woke me up? Thanks" You says throwing your hands up in the air. "You needed the sleep, and we knew you would've woken up at some point so we knew you were okay," Dean says to you.

  Castiel left a few minutes later so it was just you and your brothers, Sam and Dean. "Y/N-" "No its okay, really" You quickly responded, "No it's not, we shouldn't have taken it from you, we're sorry," Sam says.

  "They are really good by the way, all of them. Which brings me to this question, why didn't we know you were so talented until now? And why did Cas come and tell us you think we don't want you to do this?" Dean asks. "Interrogating me again?" "No, just wanting to know is all" Sam adds.

  "Well-," You started off, "It's not a big deal anyway, I mean you two already seen them," you said to Sam and Dean.

   "They're not that good anyway, its just a thing I do at school-" "Wait, you do this at school?" Sam asks. "Well, I don't have art classes if that's what you mean" you respond with. "I'm just in the art club."

  "Since when?" Dean asks confusingly, no surprise, you never told them about anything. "Since the middle-ish of 9th grade," you said. "3 years?" They said in unison. "Yeah?" you said, is that a long time?

  "How did we not know this until now?" Dean says quietly, questioning himself. "This isn't even a big deal guys, its 'just' art, yall are acting like its the end of the world," You say sarcastically. "I mean come on, it's not like you guys kept secretes from me" You add on.

  "We are not acting like that-" Sam says, "You just never used to keep things from us, especially for this long." You have a face of surprise, you didn't expect that from him.

  "I'm 17 guys, I'm not as talkative as I used to be, girls gotta keep her secretes," You say and after you sigh in defeat. "We know, but you're our girl, our sister," Dean says, "We miss hanging out with you, Y/N."

  "I've always been here, I'm 17, but I'm not leaving any time soon, I don't think moving out is on my to-do list right now," You said with a small smile.

  "Good, and we don't want you to move out," Sam says with a smile. "And we would love to see more of your drawings if you're comfortable with that, Y/N," Dean says. "Y-you guys want to see more?" you ask with a shocked look. "Yeah if that's cool with you," Dean says. "So... you guys don't care if I keep on doing this?" You ask with a hint of worryness in your voice.

  "Of course we do, you're freaking amazing," Sam says, "Hell, you should do that as a freaking job, you can get gold from your art" 'Wait, what?' you thought, "What? N-no I'm not even that good honestly, they're just doodles I draw when I'm bored, trust me" You respond to Sam with. "That is not even remotely true, Y/N. Anyways this can be a good profession to branch out of-" Dean was saying before you cut him off. "No, I still want to hunt, and I still want to hunt with you guys, as I said, they're just doodles"

  A small sigh comes out of the both of them, most likely a sigh of annoyance or irritation. "If you really don't think you're that good, then keep on drawing until you get there," Dean says, and Sam adds on with "Keep on doing what you love to do, even if you don't think you're that good at it because the people that cant do what you can think you're exceedingly great at it. We do, we think you're damn amazing at it and we'd love to see more of your art."

  To say you're shocked is an understatement, you honestly didn't expect to hear any of that from Sam or Dean. The two who started and ended the apocalypse. The two who started and ended Amara, the Darkness. The two who practically raised you your whole life.

  "Guys..." You couldn't even finish your sentence because you were starting to bawl.

  "Thank you"

#sam and dean #dean and sam #dean winchester #sam winchester #sam x sister!reader #dean x sister!reader #sister!winchester #sister!reader #winchester!sister #winchester!reader #supernatural #castiel

[1eos]

Hi kendra from a capricorn to a virgo do you have any tips on how to stop being the Therapist FriendTM? this shit is tiring 😭 btw love your blog keep being the funniest person on here

i DO have tips 🚶‍♀️ the past few yrs have been me learning how to stop too

-firstly nd maybe most importantly just make everyone respect your time? i used to make myself available for my friends 24/7 nd that was a bad idea bc if i didnt answer a text abt how they were sad instantly they would get mad at me so what i learned to do was tell everyone that i put my phone on do not disturb at a certain time so if i dont respond im getting ready for bed OR if i was busy/not in the right head space i would text back nd tell them i see their messages but im busy so ill get back to u in a second

-stop giving advice all the time. as the mom(tm) friend u want to dive in nd give advice or fix stuff but we gotta stop trying to fix EVERYTHING! what i do is i ask my friends if they just want to vent or if they want advice. nd if i feel like something is way beyond me i say ‘im not comfortable trying to give advice on this may i suggest talking to x,y,z’. i feel like showing ppl that u dont have all the answers would help make them realize youre not a mom or a therapist you're just a FRIEND

-have a threshold of caring. this doesnt happen often but ik everyone has that one friend that complains nd complains nd doesn’t want to get better they just want to complain until someone else fixes their shit. well what i do is after it becomes clear that they don’t want to fix a situation i tell them straight up that im only gonna listen to them drag everyone down w their issues WE’VE ALREADY TALKED ABT 3 more times. i have a close friend nd he hates his job w his dad so much but he’s not even TRYING to look for a new job nd after a yr of complaining there’s nothing i can do but tell him straight up that he’s stagnating nd there’s no more advice or help i can offer. its on him. u dont need to rude abt it ofc just be very honest. tell them u there’s nothing anyone can say/do until THEYRE ready to change. if they get mad at you even if ure nice abt it that’s a sign that theyre not a good friend tbh

-nd lastly. this is something i JUST learned how to be honest enough to do but just tell ur friends how u feel! if u have friends that care abt u they’ll understand when u tell them that ure overwhelmed with your own feelings/life so that u can’t  always be there for every small thing going on in their lives nd that u might answer messages slowly/not be able to hang out to listen to them complain all the time/etc BC u need to worry abt u! nd again there’s a very sincere nd nice way to say this obvs lmao nd if ur friends have an issue w you taking time for yourself then again they aint shit!

-basically try to open up an honest conversation w your friends? i find that the main reason we get stuck as the therapist friend is that we’d rather keep our problems to ourselves nd ppl see that as a sign that we have everything together when we don’t nd then WE feed off of helping others bc it makes us feel accomplished nd wanted when u shouldnt have to bear the burdens of everyone else to be a part of a friendship. relationships should be mutual giving nd taking! learning to be more vulnerable should make others see u as human nd u deserve to be able to ask for help from others :) i hope this helped im on this journey w u too anon pls know ure not alone 💖

#😔i feel for us therapist friends #i really do think we can all get better nd have mutually beneficial relationships #my life has gotten so much better since ive told my closest friend that im depressed as hell #nd cant drop everything for her #nd she was so understanding i cried 😭😭😭😭 #asks #Anonymous

[asking-jude]

Hello. I am so anxious when chatting online with strangers and i get really shy and back down and feel crappy from comments that SOUND MEAN. Like, not even containing actual insults, just being straight-forward or having no emojis type of stuff. I dont know how to help it, i know its not my fault but its eating me alive.

Hi there, 

Thank you for reaching out to Asking Jude for advice. Although I am sorry you are having such a hard time with this, I am grateful that you submitted this question because so many people deal with this same issue, believe it or not! So, I hope you can feel comforted that you are far from alone in feeling this way. 

Social media has opened up a whole new world of possible anxiety for many people, especially those who already are shy in real life. And, with the pandemic, we depend even more on social media and online forms of communication in order to feel like we are connecting with others. This may have a large effect on how you are feeling right now. 

Although you feel insecure and anxious when receiving a comment that sounds negative, you are able to recognize that it is you making assumptions about the meaning behind them, which is a difficult thing to do. So, props to you for being able to distinguish that! This is the first step to changing the way you perceive these comments: recognition. 

When we are used to a certain way of online communication (lots of emojis, exclamation marks, expressive texting, etc), it can feel like a slap in the face to start receiving messages in a completely different style (no emojis, lack of expression, etc). But, remember that everyone has different texting styles, and that not everyone is going to spend time on their texts or be expressive. To many, a text or comment is completed in a matter of seconds without second thought as to which emoji they should or should not attach. Although it is harder than it sounds, try not to worry too much about other people’s messaging style! Trust that if there was something wrong, they would tell you. And, if you sense something is actually off, you can always ask or simply delete the comment/message. 

Although sometimes I wish everyone I talk to online had the same messaging style as me (very expressive), it is just not the case, but I try not to let it bother me. I suggest you try this too. Unfortunately, you have no control over how someone else wants to message (or even if they do try to be mean!), but you always have control over how you view the message and how you respond. Always assume kindness and good intentions from others until proven otherwise, and give that same kindness back! 

Here are some resources that may help you with this: 

Are They Mad, Or Is It Anxiety? https://www.health.com/condition/anxiety/misinterpreting-friendships-anxiety

Anxiety from reaching out to others online: 

https://doyouspeakfreedom.com/fear-reaching/

Why You Should Not Read Too Much Into Texts: 

https://www.textweapon.com/5-reasons-why-you-should-never-read-too-much-into-a-text/

Take care, 

Jordan

Asking Jude has moved to its OWN platform at askingjude.org. We will still be answering submissions on Asking Jude, but the new website’s submissions will take priority. We highly recommend you create an account on Asking Jude’s website, so you can receive 24/7 support from the Asking Jude Team and our community members. 

#ask #advice #mental health

[lethbians]

can you explain what's going on right now? i keep seeing big IT blogs talking about some discourse or something but i have no idea what they're talking about other than it involves you lol

alright i like. i truly do not like having diScOurSE out in public because i’m not one to air out my dirty laundry 24/7 but seeing as how it was brought into public against my will i feel like the least i can do is clear up the situation for those who’ve been seeing the posts. 

i’m putting this under the cut bc it’s long. tws for some biphobia, brief mention of transphobia and, at the end, a rape mention. 

so if you don’t know: hi, i’m migz, i’m an it fandom blogger. its okay, i know, its really cool. part of my shtick here is that i like to turn normal thirst tags into works of art for the sake of comedy. perhaps you’ve seen some of my highlights from my “fhg” tag - perhaps your brain has been spared. either way, it became kind of “my thing” around the third or fourth week (mid nov) of me having this blog. at first, i tagged just about every ask i got mentioning the thirst tags with “bill hader” - they had to do with him, so why not tag him? it would draw more like minded people! about two days into that i got a message asking me to tag my nsfw. i am a big dumb idiot, and apologize for not initially doing it. i havent had a following bigger than like 10 in several years and completely spaced on basic etiquette. so by the end of november i was tagging everything applicable  with “notsfw” and “bill hader”. 

now you’re caught up.

on december 1st i got this message from user billhaderanti:

now i want to start by saying i absolutely was in the wrong here. i didn’t even think about how many people were being subjected to the asks i was getting - especially ones who had no idea they were all jokes. i don’t track the bill hader tag, so it just didn’t even occur to me - that’s ignorance on my part, and to anyone who was subjected to the terrors of me before my tagging system: i am genuinely sorry. i relay the same sentiment in my response, though you can tell i’m on edge.

and they replied:

clearly they Were offended by it but thats.. not the point. at this point, im feeling Really weird about the whole interaction, but still understanding, because again - i GET it. i know my posts are gross - that’s the point. it doesn’t make it excusable, though, which is why i understand why people are offended. so i responded with the only solution i Knew would keep us both safe and happy posting on our own blogs. 

so i thought this would be the end of things! i’d been pretty anxious lately already since i’d started to receive anons telling me i was gross and whore-ish for thirst posting in this way (i delete all of those, so if ur thinking about sending one, i guess no one’s stopping you but it won’t be seeing the light of the dashboard). i’m unsure if it was immediately or a few hours later, seeing as how i have a bad concept of time and the post-dates are right on the edge between nov 30 and dec 1, but i went to their blog - because anyone who has been on the internet knows the opportunity to vague post is near irresistible. and...what do ya know

fair! it’s their blog. however i am an emotionally fragile egg girl and immediately got freaked out. the odds that they were the only one who thought this were low. and, again, i’ve been very open on my blog about how important it is to respect boundaries; my posts are absolutely prone to breaking those boundaries people have created for themselves. 

so i made my own, semi-vague post, letting my following know (and i’m pretty sure i’d answered asks about it before, but this is going to be long enough w/o me searching those up too) that i understood if they wanted to block me or unfollow or whatever - people need to create their own safe spaces. the tension is pretty clear in the tags, i’m not trying to hide that. i felt that the way this woman slid into my dm’s was pretty abrasive (just my opinion/how it made me personally feel) and i let myself be a lil emotional about it in the tags of my post.

alright! maybe this is the end. maybe we both go our separate ways and post happily on our own blogs... except it’s not the end. later in the day (some of this was happening like 1/2am, so now its Day day, i believe - again, not good w time passage lol)

clearly, i’m upset. my groupchat double checked that i didn’t get too emotional in my response - did i mention im anxious about discourse lol - and apparently.. it did the trick. she didn’t message me again. great. it was over. 

at this point, i decided i needed to make an even bigger change. so a few days after i’d calmed down i created an entirely new tag for my thirst posts so if people hadn’t already hidden the notsfw posts or just blocked me outright, they’d have a third option to escape the madness. at this point, id had my blog about 6? weeks, but there were still 2k posts for me to sift through - some of them were completely untagged. i also had to do it post by post, because one of xkits features - the mass re-tagger - was getting blogs deleted for some reason, and i wasn’t going to do that. so i spent a few days going through all 2k+ posts, adding the “fhg” tag. 

YEEHAW! a brand new tagging system, no more hopping into the bill hader tag (minus one or two really funny, not super explicit asks, like the bill hader farquaad meme), and, tbf, i’d completely put this woman out of my mind. i don’t seek out drama and do my best to stay in my lane. yesterday, i checked my activity for the first time in awhile since id put out a couple new original posts that had started to get traction and i Love reading tags. i noticed a mutual had @’d me, and realized i havent checked my @’s in...ever, maybe. i see a post from my good pal billhaderanti. 

since i dont follow them and never check my @’s, i’d completely missed it. however, once i did see it, i was horrified. id gone through all that fucking work to keep my blog My Blog and also respect everyone’s boundaries and it still hadn’t been enough. i’d been awake for almost 24 hours and went. a little crazy. and i didn’t reply immediately because i just had no words. i sent it to my friends because i... i just wasn’t going to be able to figure it out myself. 

there’s a lot to unpack in this post alone, but whatever, i’m gonna put my own grievances with the immaturity of 1. making a callout post to begin with when i’d been nothing but civil 2. making a callout post about something as (in the grand scheme of Life) minor as some tags where i refer to a someone’s genitals as a “whack pack” and 3. making a callout post in such a rude way - aside. at the end, she calls me (and whoever else!) a demonic mlw (man loving woman, we assumed, and then later confirmed with a post further back on her blog). 

which - yeah, we started scrolling. at first we were looking for more vague blogs, and then we just...started finding things. billhaderanti is a self proclaimed lesbian separatist, which... fine. but it’s already pretty clear that this woman hates me on some level simply because i am a bi woman (demonic mlw, remember!) which is just. damn man i can’t believe we are still fighting the biphobic fight lol. so the more we scrolled, the more we uncovered - and not just the biphobic / vaguely mtf transphobic things they posted (or put in tags), but we also found that they had their OWN thirst tags. certainly not as hyperbolically comedic as mine, but they were there, talking about his body and his person the same (and, frankly, a bit creepier for other reasons) as mine. 

there’s one post in particular that snatched my wig in it’s creepiness - and i say creepiness in the sense that it feels personal. like this woman feels like she knows bill to some degree where she can say these things. my tags have always had a sense of distance, as they’re written for humor. and maybe this particular post was written for comedic purposes, but it doesn’t read that way, and if it WAS, then she has no right to call ME out for MY comic tags and posts. 

i’ll let it speak for itself, mostly because i don’t want to read it again. 

i also won’t be going through her blog again to find the posts with biphobic and other Interesting:tm: tags because there are plenty and i just really! want to be done with the whole ordeal! her blog is public and i’m sure you can all find it and look to your heart’s content. 

feeling a bit feral and a bit pissed off now that we knew the depth of how rotten this woman’s vibes were, a couple of my pals made a post or two similar to what my tag’s are like except turned up to eleven (if possible) - and tagged them with “bill hader” (and notsfw!!). yes, a bit childish, but at this point, the entire situation was childish, and making jokes was truly the only way we were going to get through it. another vague post went up on her blog soon after.

talking down to us, calling us children, and then for whatever reason calling us virgins... whatever, weird post. around this time most of us (est) went to bed, because it was nearing 3 or 4 in the morning. 

and then today happened. i woke up fresh and ready for the day after a wonderful 4 hours of sleep and found that jane had made an incredibly intelligent post in response to the situation. i won’t ss it, but i’ll LINK in case you missed it. attached there in the reblog is my own response. i think they can speak for themselves. 

after that, things were kind of jumbled, since i wasn’t online a lot and when i was i was Not checking my activity simply because i was afraid of what i’d see. for the most part, it ended up just being support (which i am very grateful to all of you for - it means a lot that you all enjoy my content to any degree). 

there was some more vague posting from both “““““sides”””””” of the “““““argument”””””” - mostly just people restating the fact that this is a public space and we should All be aware of how we effect others. i still hadn’t heard directly from billhaderanti, so i assumed we’d all be dropping and disengaging and moving on. i still wasn’t blocked, though, so who really knew what would happen. 

eventually, it culminated in this last post. tw for mentions of rape

i’m going to start by saying that 

1. there are nearly no teenagers that were involved in this. im turning 23 in january and most of my friends are 20+. maybe one or two are 19. 

2. none of us sent any sexually violent asks - most of us didn’t send asks at all. i believe one or two of my friends admitted to sending asks however they assured me their nature wasn’t bad; as far as i know, everyone remained civil in whatever went on (again, unclear to me as to what was being sent; no one was actively posting or talking about it. if billhaderanti wishes to elaborate, they can, but i don’t have anything to put in). 

3. before i finish this, i would like to apologize to billhaderanti. as a comedian - not just my stupid tags, i mean in real life, too - i know that humor can hurt. it’s not always funny, it’s not just stupid hahas. sometimes things that are supposed to be jokes just hit people differently and cause bad things. i recognize that. i never meant to trigger you (if you’re reading this) or cause you any severe mental/emotional harm. i apologize for my humor bringing up your trauma, and i never meant for that. regardless of my own thoughts and opinions about the nature of my posts/the thirst tags themselves, they hurt you, and i’m sorry. 

anyway, i’m going to wrap this up (i’m bad at endings, what can i say! steven king and i took the same writer’s class!). if you read all this... sorry. i probably won’t be taking any asks about it, because i find the whole “drama” of this to be stupid and rooted in some seriously biphobic issues this fully grown woman has. 

tldr; i attempted to contain my blog so this woman could exist and function safely on her blog, but it wasn’t enough for her, so she called me out, and then some of the fandom called Her out for being biphobic and mean and overall just immature about the situation. as of now, she’s yet to block me, though her and her wife have blocked a few of my friends. her wife continues to clown on my friends. this post was made for clarity’s sake. the end, i’m getting a drink. 

#discourse #biphobia tw #transphobia tw #rape tw #ok goodbye im done with this im back to #only posting gay clown movie #Anonymous

[nekohooch]

real life bs under the cut

Im gonna vent and then make another post of positivity because i need that right now. My uncle called my mother and said outright that my sisters and I were not welcome at my grandfathers funeral because of a fight that happened 7 years ago before my grandmother died which he has not forgiven all of us as a collective for.

Disregarding completely that we were 22, 20, and 17 at the time and have grown in leaps and bounds since that time. The sister hes most mad at went to fucking therapy for 7 years and is a completely different person.

Hes pissed that at 22 I couldnt afford with my minimum wage job to fly down with 24 hours notice to go to my grandmothers funeral, a thing that haunts me to this day. hes pissed that E and B didnt fly from High School and College to go to the funeral when someone had to buy mamas ticket so she could say goodbye to her mama. hes so far up his own ass and so on his high horse that hes mad that over the past 7 years none of us has reached out to say sorry to him specifically even though he has never once responded to his own sister trying to talk to him. Because she never opened the convo with “im sorry” she didnt make an effort. Because we had no idea he WANTED an apology because he refused to speak to us!!!

If i never see this man again in my life after this funeral (if im allowed to go) it will be too goddamn soon. We knew we were probably not going to be allowed to stay with them at Papas house but to try and ban 3 of his 6 grandchildren entirely??? thats a new low for these people and they are the ones who basically tried to uninvite my mother from her mothers funeral. Get your head out of your 48 year old ass and act like a bigger adult than the 20 somethings you used to call your nieces.

how dare you try to destroy the legacy of love and acceptance my grandfather lived his life with.

I am so done watching my mother fight tooth and nail to just get a hint of respect from the people who are supposed to be her family. They didnt call mama until after grammy died, they didnt call mama two years ago when papa almost died and they only called her this time because a preacher friend of his asked my mother (who had no idea of the situation) how Papas surgery was going. then her brother called her to let her know what was going on because her sister refused to answer a text message.

He said he “let us say goodbye on the phone because we werent allowed to come to the funeral and he almost didnt do that”

im at a loss for words of how angry i am, how hurt i am.

im glad that mama got out of the range of those siblings of hers because they turn everything around them toxic with spite and bitterness.

I was telling Jeremy that when you dont talk to someone for a while it lends a softness to the memory like maybe you exaggerated it. But then things like this happen and you realize again that youre the nice ones.

and the worst part about it is im so goddamn empathetic i know hes fucking mad i know hes misplacing blame because he just watched his father die in front of him and it didnt sound pretty from his description and he needs someone to hate he needs an outlet for his anger. I know that. I know hes struggled with being emotional and hated when his emotions are out of his control. I KNOW. it doesnt make my pain go away. it doesnt take away the panic attack i had or listening to my mothers heart wrenching sobs when she got off the phone with him.

Shes the strongest woman I know and this is torture. She literally told someone last night when things were up in the air that she didnt know how to live in a world without him. Hes her Daddy. Hes one of the kindest, was one of the kindest, things in her life the peacemaker between his stubborn children the reason she takes the high road the person who taught her to love through the hurt. he was stubborn as hell but he loved so much. i cant believe hes gone. she said this morning she woke up and for a second thought it was a dream.

I think the hardest thing coming up for me is how to stand up for my mother without causing a fight. her sister hasnt talked to her since that fight and mama doesnt want to talk to her. I promised mama not to fight with people though. she cant handle it and will barely be able to keep it together.

SO i vent here. wish with every fibre of my being that I could rip his vocal chords out of his body so he cant say another goddamn holier than thou word to her or about us. Thank whatever being is watching over me that I never have to see these people again after this.

#nekobore #venting #dont reblog #family #death #death tw

[ssweeneys]

i’m having a REALLY bad day

or really past couple of weeks where work is concerned and i just wanna vent bc you know sometimes people out there in the working world understand ya know???

its long, beware. idek if i’ll keep this up its more so for me to just let it out.

so like i’m an office admin for a company (we’ll leave it nameless for protection purposes) and like i supervise receptionists for my office so i’m kinda an office manager but not technically? if that makes sense.

anyway. people these days just don’t want to fucking work like EVER and like to start jobs and then up and vanish to collect that unemployment which to me is really just dumb since there are rules to it in every state and nine times out of ten you’re making like 60% of what your normal paycheck would be and thats surely not enough to live on, so like ??? i don’t get it.

there’s been a constant rotation of receptionists come and go over the last couple of months and two girls who work for me have stepped in on numerous occasions. one lady is in her 60s and doesn’t know anything about computers and is kind of dense?? to say the least. nothing against old ladies. i actually find a majority of them cute or hilarious bc they say what they think and dont give a f*ck who it offends and sometimes that blunt honesty is refreshing and you just need it in a world where people bullshit you 24/7 to further themselves for selfish gain and yaddy yada

anyways.. over recent weeks she’s become more and more intolerable to deal with. i ask her to do things and she gives me attitude and its like the simplest of things.. like email this person, make sure you let this person know they got a package, etc, etc. she can’t do even the most basic of tasks without screwing up. her attitude is just atrocious.

and due to people coming and going i’ve had to alter our schedule a lot. recently, one girl requested off so i adjusted the older lady’s hours (lets call her--carla) mind you carla only works 1 day a week and i’ve been super generous in giving her the entire week of christmas off so -- yeah.

anyways the girl who requested off (we’ll call her nicole) told me she didnt need those days off anymore and so i fixed the schedule one more time to her original days/hours.

now, i print off the schedule every time a change is made and whoever is at the reception desk i tell them to let the other girls know and post it right by the computer they sit at every day so theres no excuse for anyone to say i didnt make them aware. well carla is not the brightest bulb as we already established and she doesnt pay attention so we pretty much have to coddle her apparently and make sure she understands (although its pointless bc she doesnt no matter how hard you try to explain something to her) ANYWAYS she comes in on nicoles day when she wasnt supposed to anymore bc the schedule was fixed, posted, etc. and she gets mad when i ask her why shes there. and yes, i understand that the rotation has fucked us all over and up in so many ways. she is not the only victim here. this has been stressing me out left and right and to no end for MONTHSSSSS. so like i get it? i’m sympathetic to that. i understand the confusion and frustration, i’m right there with them.

HOWEVER, because she’s annoyed/mad/whatever she gives me attitude all day yesterday and is flagrantly disrespectful. i’m her supervisor, regardless is someone upsets you, act professional.

but she doesn’t. we know that. or at least I DO. anyhow.. she’s mad. she’s pissed off right? she’s got an attitude. she sees the new schedule, she brings it to me in my office and asks if its the correct one for tomorrow WHICH SHE IS ON!!! let me make that clear. she was on. she asks if its correct, i’m in the middle of composing an email so i take a moment to respond ‘yes’ she huffs, storms off and goes “you know what? nevermind” i’m like.... okay?? i brush it off. i’ve been brushing off her poor attitude all damn day and i dont say A THING. BC I GET IT. I UNDERSTAND. IM SYMPATHETIC TO THAT. we all have bad days. we all get a little frustrated sometimes. we’re human, yeah?

yeah. right. ok.

so then like... carla is working the morning shift for nicole. both carla and nicole showed up. carla pitched a fit bc she came in and was already there and didnt want to go home so nicole was so sweet about it and said thats okay, she can work i understand. bc even though nicole is like half her age, she’s MATURE.

at this point i dont even understand why carla is so upset? she got to stay. she got the hours. she’ll be making the money. all is good right? WRONG.

when the next girl comes in for the afternoon shift, i over hear carla telling her about the mishap that happened that morning (yesterday) and my office is literally maybe 6-7 feet from the front desk so i can hear EVERYTHING that goes on. i mean this is my job. i’m pretty much in charge of making sure the office is running, our employees are happy, etc.

so yeah i over hear carla telling this girl that and i quote “yeah nicole came in this morning and the schedule was switched around and i stayed because i was already here. (then something unintelligible I cant make out bc her voice lowers) you know, it really pisses me off that this keeps happening.”

SHE SAID THIS. TO A NEW GIRL. MAKING ME, NICOLE, EVERYONE LOOK BAD EVEN THOUGH SHE GOT WHAT SHE WANTED, NICOLE APOLOGIZED, I APOLOGIZED FOR THE MISHAP, IVE DONE EVERYTHING FOR THIS LADY TO PACIFY HER OR WORK WITH HER OR COMPENSATE HER.

so its so infuriating, disrespectful and really downright disgusting for her to trash me, my name, etc to someone. but you know what? I DONT SAY ANYTHING. I dont cause a scene. I go about my business and let it roll off my shoulders bc at this point I know if I say anything its just going to turn ugly and I’m in a professional setting. Sometimes its better to bite your tongue, hold your head up high and move the fuck on about your business.

NOW... oh now, we’re on today. carla is scheduled to work. she came into my office, confirmed it, she was FULLY AWARE OF THIS.

so nicole calls her 5 mins before shes scheduled to clock in and is politely like hey you on your way? and carla is like oh no i don’t work today.

BITCH! THE FUcK YOU MEAN????? WE CONFIRMED THIS LITERALLY!!!!!!!!

omg i cannot at this point i really cannot

but lets proceed... so carla. she’s like yeah i dont come in, tells nicole to check with me. nicole comes to me, i smh and just sigh and am like ok i’m sorry can you please call her back and tell her shes supposed to be here and if theres any issues, transfer the call to me. so nicole calls her, they’re talking, carla is being a cunt (sorry at this point you are) and so i talk to her and shes like you know, this is so frustrating i came in there i asked you if i was supposed to work and you said no (the other girl she trash talked to idk who to name her) and IM LIKE SITTING THERE GOING ????? WHEN????? TO MYSELF BC WE JUST HAD THIS CONVERSATION

MY PATIENCE IS SO THIN, ITS NON EXISTENT AT THIS POINT IM OVER IT

IM TIRED

IM SO FUCKING TIRED AND SICK OF HAVING TO PICK UP THE SLACK AND DO EVERYTHING MY FUCKING SELF BC NO ONE CAN COME TO WORK, DO THEIR JOB AND GO HOME.

can i just make a point too that we make $12 an hour here. sometimes we are LITERALLY SO BORED we have nothing to do. we can read books or watch netflix if no one is around or i even have time to rp at times. so like THIS IS THE EASIEST JOB IN THE WORLD A FUCKING MONKEY could do it.

all you do is answer phones and transfer calls or send an email

its LITERALLY. THAT. FUCKING. SIMPLE????

so like i just dont get it

but back to the point... carla is arguing with me, basically saying my communication sucks, i’m unprofessional (which is laughable but ok) etc...

and i just cant hold it in anymore?? and i’m like well carla, i’m sorry you feel that way and i understand where you’re coming from but i don’t appreciate that you were disrespectful yesterday, you told (new girl) that you were pissed off about what happened and proceeded to talk about me in a really unsatisfactory way.

and she WANTED TO TRY AND SAY THAT THIS WAS A DEFAMATION TO HER CHARACTER. WHEN SHE FUCKING SAID IT!!!!!!!!!!! i mean you can’t but if you were to ask anyone i know i have freakishly good hearing and it gets on my family’s nerves all the time bc i need quiet when writing and i have to beg them to turn their tvs down low just so i can concentrate.

I FUcKIng HEARD THESE EXACT WORDS COME OUT OF HER MOUTH!!!! and she wants to sit here and say that i’m defaming her character.

NO BITCH. Im repeating what I fucking heard you say!!!

why would i make that up? why??? how does that benefit me in any way??? what does that do for me???? NOTHING! ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!!! i’m not benefitting from anything here.

in addition when talking to her on the phone i bring up the fact that she brought the schedule to me (the correct one which SHE IS ON) and asked me to verify if it was correct. but then proceeds to say in the same breath (contradicting herself) that she’s going off the old one????? like okay????? but you’re wrong?? SHE EVEN SAYS ITS AN OVERSIGHT ON HER CHARACTER, SHE ALREADY MADE PLANS YADDY YADA, SHE CANT COME IN TODAY

moral of the story is... she’s dumb. she’s a fucking cunt. and i hate people who try to spin things and victim blame and tell you you’re defaming their character when you call them out on something real they actually said because they’re scared little pussies and can’t just admit its what they fucking said.

yo i’d have a lot more respect for you if you just admit it. i’m not even mad??? i dont give a fuck what you think or feel about me. when i leave here every day i dont come home and cry about work or how people feel about me there.

work me is different from real me. I. DO. NOT. FUCKING. CARE. work people do not know me on a real level only a professional one. i am here to do a job, to make money, to pay bills, to LIVE. i am not here to fret over the opinions of people who do not follow me home, who do not know the real me. WHO. DO. NOT. FUCKING. MATTER.

POINT FUCKING BLANK.

THANK YOU AND GOODBYE

like seriously?? GOD FUCK! i’m so angry.

if you read all of this, like thanks for letting me vent to a total stranger lmao you’re a real one, may you be blessed today and always.

onto that note... i gotta get back to work. (lmfao fucking irony at its finest)

#im not even gonna read over this #its raw #its real #what the fuck ever

[grandmasterofwangxiancultivation]

HOB ch.23-24

FINALLY, i’m back to hob’s universe. i had to stop reading this because university, but now that i’m freaking done with my exams, i can enjoy it as i wanted *^*

aaaaah, i missed xie lian and hua cheng SO MUCH- just look at my beautful san lang taking that strange plant and going to cure his gege’s hand immediately as if that’s the only thing that matters. god, i love him

San Lang didn’t respond, and after applying the powder he let go of Xie Lian’s hand. Xie Lian couldn’t help but think his attitude and this weird atmosphere between the two of them was really off, but didn’t know how to ask about it without sounding weird. This wasn’t something anyone else would notice either and couldn’t possibly understand.

(he just hates you putting yourself in danger for the sake of other people, he waited too much for you, gege! aaaaah they are beautiful, help me-)

EDIT: awkward hualian is making me wanna hug those two, i need them to remain alone and more of san lang protecting his gege 

EDIT 2: THERE IS A FRAKING F A C E IN THE GROUND. WHAT THE HELL. THAT’S CREEPY.

EDIT 3: omg okay, if i already didn’t love san lang, i would fall in love with him right now. he went for a version of that plant that had not been fertilised by humans ‘cause he knew xie lian wouldn’t like it, and that’s so thoughtful and beautiful and i feel blessed. BLESSED.

Ever since Xie Lian had gotten stung by the scorpion snake, San Lang had behaved like this. A couple days ago it was all ge ge this, ge ge that, but now he barely called him ge ge anymore. When they first met, San Lang had avoided his touch and seemed weary of contact with Xie Lian, but that seemed to have gone away after spending so much time together. Now, besides sucking poison and applying herbs, San Lang was once again avoiding touching him, and that made Xie Lian feel weird. He’s not used to this distance.

i am getting so freaking emotional, this is so angsty and bittersweet, i love hearing sl calling him gege, it’s what keeps me alive, so i want them to talk and figure this out pls make it possible please please please-

EDIT 4: 

The mud face replied, “There’s someone amongst you I’ve seen before… fifty to sixty years ago.”

A shiver went down everyone’s back and made their hairs stand.

No mortal in present company should be aged over fifty. That means whoever this person was that was here then was not human.

this is getting creepier by the minute, what the fuck- i love this. I LOVE THIS.

EDIT 5: i think the face is talking about san lang? since, you know, he is a big deal in the demon world and long. HE WON’T HURT ANYONE AS LONG AS THEY DON’T HURT XIE LIAN, CHIIIIILL.

EDIT 6: 

Xie Lian pushed himself off the ground about to walk away before the mud face raised his voice, “Do you really not want to know who it is? He will kill all of you.”

yeah, i think he really is talking about him. though i don’t trust some of the merchants? and a-zhao? mmmmh

EDIT 7: okay, tha face? that face is getting unsettling me so much WHY DO THOSE MERCHANT IDIOTS GET CLOSER??? WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THEM!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!

EDIT 8: what the fUCK DID I JUST READ EWWWWWWWW

Xie Lian grabbed the merchant by his collar and backed up, but the tongue that flew out was freakishly lengthy and barged right into the merchant’s ear!

Xie Lian felt the body in his hold convulse violently, the merchant’s limbs writhed nonstop, and the man let out a short agonizing scream before falling to the ground. That long tongue dug out a large chunk of something bloody from his ear and and brought it back to the mud face’s mouth.

sorry, see you later, i’m gonna throw up-

EDIT 9: 

He was about to attack the repulsive monster when the mud face screamed again, “GENERAL! GENERAL! THEY’RE HERE! THEY’RE HERE!”

A deafening cry more savage than beasts blared in the distance.

YOU ATROCIOUSLY IDIOTIC HUMAN PLANT-----------

EDIT 10:

The massive nine feet man they called ‘general’ seemed to have found the squirming mud face deeply disgusting, and swung his mace towards him, smashing his face into a bloody mess, the teeth of his mace piercing his brains. When he pulled up his mace again, the entire body was pulled out with it, fulfilling his wish of “let me out!”. And the body that was unearth was not a full human body, but a skeleton.

(okay, now i feel... uhm, i feel a bit sad. yeah, sorry annoying-face-in-the-mud, i think i jinxed you?

THAT FACE IS STILL ALIVE WHAT THE HELL. well, “alive” is probably too big of a word, but... *sugh* i am gonna refer to this as the annoying-face-in-the-mud arc from now on.)

The mud face countered immediately, “That wasn’t odd! It was just… a tongue a bit longer than average!”

*hysterical laugh* SERIOUSLY?

EDIT 11:

He said in a small voice, “Don’t worry. If anything happens I will go forward first.”

Xie Lian thought if they must all fall, then he might as well be the first one to check things out. It couldn’t be worse than venomous snakes and beasts, menacing ghosts and demons. He couldn’t die from falling, he couldn’t die from poison, he couldn’t die from bites, and he couldn’t die from getting hit. As long as it wasn’t some pool of corpse dissolving water, his body shouldn’t be damaged too horribly.

NO OKAY? NO. SOMEONE STOPS HIM RIGHT THIS INSTANT I KNOW SAN LANG WON’T ALLOW SOMETHING LIKE THIS TO HAPPEN OR WILL AT LEAST GO WITH HIM OMG why does xie lian talk about himself like that, i hate this, just because you can’t get hurt doesn’t mean you have to care so little for yourself, babe, i love you so much-

EDIT 12: okay, wow, a-zhao went down and i... did not expect that, since i was suspicious of him too, so now i feel guilty. again. ugh. also, that pit sounds even more scary now that, supposedly, a-zhao’s body has been teared apart.

EDIT 13: THE SOLDIERS ARE INSULTING HIM AND I AM GETTING MAD HOW  D A R E  Y O U- also, bitch? you wanna die, you are freaking asking for it-

EDIT 14: 

There was no helping it. Xie Lian was ready to jump if all else fails anyway. Behind him San Lang stepped forward.

Xie Lian’s heart lurched and turned around.

With his arms crossed, the boy was nonchalantly looking over the dark, bottomless pit with an air of intrigue. This wasn’t a good sign, and Xie Lian called out, “San Lang?”

Hearing his call, San Lang looked over and smiled softly, “Don’t worry.”

(WHATEVER YOU ARE GONNA DO, DON’T DO IT. I’M NOT GONNA READ IT SO IT WON’T HAPPEN. I AM FREAKING SCARED BUT- well. san lang won’t get hurt, right? BUT I DON’T WANT HIM TO SUFFER EITHER. just look at this cutie pie smiling at his gege and telling him not to worry i’m done-)

San Lang took another step forward and was teetering dangerously on the edge. Both Xie Lian’s head and heart started pounding, and he called again, “Wait, San Lang, don’t move!”

At such height at the brink, the boy’s red clothes danced in the night breeze. San Lang glanced at him again with a smile, “Don’t be scared.”

“Come back here. Come back here and I won’t be scared.” Xie Lian said.

(THAT LAST SENTENCE. HEAVEN HELPS ME. 

shit shit shIT I’M CRYING OMG THEIR ARE TOO BEAUTIFUL XIE LIAN IS SO WORRIED SINCE HE IS STILL NOT SURE ABOUT HIS IDENTITY AND HE DOESN’T WANT TO RISK IT AND SAN LANG IS SO SOFT AND PROTECTIVE OF HIM GUYS MY HEART IS BEING TEARED APART I WANNA CRY THIS IS TO PRECIOUS HELP)

EDIT 15: XIE LIAN SCREAMING HIS NAME AND JUMPING AFTER HIM ONLY TO BE HELD BACK I AM DYING SO FAST RIGHT NOW

why did no one tell me this was so painfull-

EDIT 16: okay, why is a dead girl throwing them all down-

EDIT 17: 

He thought he was going to crater and flatten like a pancake like many times before when suddenly, in the darkness, there was a flash of silver.

A pair of hands lightly caught him.

Whoever it was caught him perfectly, as if this person was made just to catch him at the bottom. With a hand across his back to grasp his shoulders, another under his knees to support his weight, the dreadful gravity of the fall was dissolved to nothing. Still dazed and confounded from falling at such a height, Xie Lian unconsciously held on tight to that person’s shoulders and called, “San Lang?”

The pit was filled with darkness, nothing could be seen, including the person. But Xie Lian still called that name. The other didn’t respond so Xie Lian patted and squeezed the chest and shoulders just to make sure. “San Lang, is that you?”

(OKAY I AM ALIVE

I am not sure a posses the words to explain how i feel, but even if i knew san lang was gonna catch him (that he was fine), my heart is pounding so hard and i love how strongly xie lian is reacting to him, unconsciously feeling him up to make sure he is fine. i didn’t know it’d be like this, they are gonna be the end of me.)

It took a moment before he heard the boy’s low voice from very close to him, “I’m ok.”

Xie Lian didn’t know why, but this voice was curiously different than before.

(BECAUSE THAT’S HUA CHENG, BABE, AND IT’S HAPPENING? IS SAN LANG FINALLY SHOWING HIS TRUE FORM???? ARE THEY GONNA MEET NOW?!??!?!?!?!!??!?)

#hob #heaven official's blessing #hob fangirling mode #hob novel #hob ch.23 #tian guan ci fu #hob ch.24