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ambrossart · 2 years

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DANCING WITH MYSELF

— PART TWO

summary: eddie crashes senior prom hoping to steal a dance with his dream girl, chrissy cunningham. instead, he spends the night stuck in the women’s restroom with you—her snarky, insecure best friend. ❖ pairing: eddie munson x fem!reader ❖ word count: 2,366 ❖ genre: fluff with some angst ❖ series status: complete ❖ warnings: no season 4 spoilers, some coarse language, body image issues, allusions to eating disorders, typical teenage insecurities, angst, jealousy, anxiety, secret crushes, childhood memories, happy ending, lots of 80s music one | two | three | four | five | six | seven | eight | nine | ten

It was no secret that Mrs. Cunningham didn’t care for you.

When you and Chrissy were in middle school, that wretched woman did everything she could to discourage her daughter from hanging out with you. Said you were a bad influence on her. And why? Because you were, as she so delicately put it, an “alarmingly overweight” child with no sense of propriety. She said this once to your mother over dinner (after your mother had the audacity to allow you a second serving of mashed potatoes), and it turned into a nasty fight that ruined the entire evening. Your mothers spent the rest of the night screaming at each other in the dining room while your fathers drank scotch in the den. Meanwhile, you and Chrissy snuck some apple pie up to your room and listened to your Journey records until Chrissy had to go home. Chrissy ate one bite of pie and pushed her plate away. You ate the rest of yours, but you didn’t enjoy it, not at all.

Mrs. Cunningham warmed up to you a little once you lost the weight… a little, but not very much.

You rang the doorbell with your heels clutched in one hand and your dress draped over your forearm. She answered the door with a painted-on smile.

“Y/N, so good to see you…” and she pulled you into a firm, unaffectionate hug.

Make no mistake, this woman was not embracing you. She was feeling you. Comparing the shape of your body today to the shape of your body three days ago.

Luckily for you, you passed.

Mrs. Cunningham promptly pulled away. “You look healthy.”

“I swallowed a tapeworm.”

“Oh…” Mrs. Cunningham gave your chin a light pinch. “Good for you, sweetie!”

You rolled your eyes and went upstairs to Chrissy’s bedroom.

“Okay, your mom seriously just tried to measure my body fat with her bare hands! No offense, Chris, but your mom has officially gone batshit.”

Chrissy sighed. “Tell me about it…” She was sitting on her bed and painting her toenails teal to match her prom dress. When you sat down beside her, she put down the nail polish and turned to you with a sad, empathetic smile. “I’m really sorry about Chance.”

You shrugged. “Whatever, I’m over it.”

“No, you’re not.” Chrissy saw right through you, as usual.

“No, I’m not,” you said in a low voice, causing your eyes to well up again. You let a few tears trickle down your cheek, then knuckled the rest away. “God… I was really looking forward to tonight, Chris. I thought it was gonna be kinda special, you know?” You snuffled a few times. “I mean, don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t expecting a Pretty in Pink moment or anything.”

“Oh, I love that movie,” Chrissy said, smiling a toothy smile.

You laughed. “I know you do.”

“We need to watch that again soon.”

“Well, I’m free tonight,” you joked, and Chrissy gave you a pouty look that said, Stop it, so you did. “Like I said, I wasn’t expecting Pretty in Pink, but I guess I just wanted a smidgen of that, you know? Just a fraction of it. Not the whole pie, just a little sliver to get me through these last couple weeks of school. I wanted one great, totally cliched high school experience so that, come graduation, I can finally close this chapter of my life with a smile. Or at least a smirk. I could settle for a smirk.”

Instead, you frowned. “I guess I should have known better, huh?”

Chrissy scooted closer to you. “No, don’t do that. Don’t do that thing where you think the universe is out to get you because it isn’t, okay? Look at me. Hey, look at me.”

She grabbed your shoulders, forcing you to look into her eyes. In them, you saw a glistening pool of unshed tears.

“A bad thing happened,” she said in a quiet, broken voice. “It was a really, really bad thing, and I’m so sorry it happened to you tonight. Believe me, hun, if I could go back in time and change it, I would. You know I would. But we can’t change it. We can’t. And I know every part of you wants to run away right now, to spend the rest of the night holed up in your room watching Prom Night and Carrie and cursing us all into oblivion—”

“Don’t forget the voodoo doll I plan to make of Chance Gallagher.” You made a frantic stabbing motion with your hand.

“Yes, of course, the inevitable voodoo doll…” Chrissy gave you a tired, affectionate look. “But you know what? If you do that, if you shut yourself out like you did last year, you’ll only be hurting yourself.” She tucked a loose strand of hair behind your ear. “Chance may have flaked on you, but you can still have a great night. You will have a great night. We will have a great night, and do you know why? Because we always have a great time together. Right?”

You smiled. “Right.”

Then Chrissy drew you in for a much-needed hug, holding you close until you were ready to let go. “Anyway…” She turned back around. “You’re not the only one having a bad day, you know. I woke up with a huge zit this morning.”

“Oh my god… do your parents know?”

“Shut up,” Chrissy said, and gave you a half-hearted slap. “I’m nervous.”

“About what? The prom vote?”

“No… you know I don’t care about that. I’m nervous about after prom.” She looked down at her painted toenails, blushing. “Jason said he got a room.”

Your heart jumped into your throat. “Really?”

Chrissy nodded demurely, her big blue eyes shaded by long brown lashes.

“So are you two finally gonna…?”

“I don’t know,” Chrissy said, suddenly afraid. “That’s why I’m nervous.”

After that, she pulled her knees into her chest and went quiet for a while. Your first thought was, Well, at least I don’t have to worry about that, and that made you a little sad.

You had your first kiss when you were fifteen.

It was at Katie McDillon’s New Year’s Eve party. You spent most of the night sitting in front of the snack table, sandwiched between Teddy Brubacher and Edith Layne. Edith had to remain seated on account of her broken leg (ice skating accident); Teddy just wanted to keep talking to you… and stare at your chest when he thought you weren’t looking. You ate half the bowl of chips because small talk made you uncomfortable. Chrissy spent the whole night in the arms of Jason Carver. They weren’t officially dating yet, but you knew it was only a matter of time.

As midnight drew near, Katie turned the lights off and everyone chanted, “Three, two, one…” and Teddy Brubacher wished you a Happy Near Year. Then he kissed you. It was a fine kiss, soft but not sloppy, but it didn’t make you feel any type of way.

While Teddy was kissing you, you saw Jason kiss Chrissy for the first time, their silhouettes softly illuminated by moonlight. It was like one of those perfect, slow-motion movie kisses, and they kept kissing even after the lights came back on. Teddy asked you out while “Holiday” by Madonna played on the living room stereo. You turned him down without even looking at him, and he said you were nothing but a big tease.

That was the last time you ever listened to Madonna and the first time you felt truly jealous of your best friend.

Tonight was the second.

Because there Chrissy was in the perfect prom dress with the perfect prom date, taking perfect picture after perfect picture.

Mrs. Cunningham kept butting in with a stern “Chrissy, stop slouching, dear,” and Chrissy would always sigh, stand up a little straighter, then look over at you and roll her eyes.

Jason presented her with a beautiful white orchid corsage and tied it onto her left wrist. Afterwards, she shyly pinned a matching boutonnière onto his left lapel. Her hands were shaking because she was afraid she might accidentally stab him with the pin. Then she reached up and pressed a gentle kiss to his cheek.

Mr. Cunningham went around capturing everything with his camcorder. He put the camera in front of you, and you covered your face with your hand. Such sweet teenage memories…

While the couple took pictures, you stood off to the side, in the farthest corner, feeling self-conscious in your strapless dress and worrying if people would notice the small amount of back fat that bulged out from underneath the bodice. And now you felt a little like an asshole because you knew you were about to ruin their perfect evening. Because whether she meant to or not, Chrissy was going to spend most of the night by your side, making sure you were happy, and Jason would be left wondering why his prom date wasn’t spending any time with him.

But as always, he was a good sport about it.

While Chrissy went upstairs to change jewelry, Jason came over and kissed your cheek, said you looked very beautiful in your prom dress.

For a moment, you allowed yourself to blush, to get swept up in the fantasy of Jason Carver, captain of the basketball team, thinking you were beautiful. Deep down, you knew he didn’t really mean it, not like he did with Chrissy, but you thanked him anyway.

“Sorry you’re stuck with a third wheel tonight.”

Jason looked at you like you were crazy. “You kidding? I’m the luckiest guy in the world right now. I get to take two gorgeous girls to prom… Now, I don’t see a reason to be sorry about that. Do you see a reason to be sorry about that?”

You shook your head, a faint blush coloring your cheeks.

“Good,” he said, and handed something to you.

It was a corsage. Jason Carver actually bought you a corsage… and now he was taking it out of the box and tying it onto your left wrist, making you hate yourself more and more.

“I know it doesn’t really match your dress,” he said, “but it’s the best I could do on short notice. Do you like it?”

“I do,” you said, but inside you were dying.

And now Eddie Munson was starting to think he’d made a huge mistake.

He was sitting in his van outside the banquet hall, watching all the couples enter the building. The girls came in floor-length gowns and cocktail dresses, complete with ruffles and bows and lace, and so much tulle. The guys followed them around in black and white tuxedos, looking like a bunch of penguins marching to their inevitable doom.

Eddie drummed his hands on the steering wheel, the anxiety welling up inside him. “Shit… am I really doing this right now? Am I doing this?”

He glanced to his right, where his electric guitar was resting in its case. “Okay, talk to me, sweetheart. Give me your wisdom. Am I doing this? Am I going in there? Fuuuck!” He gripped the steeling wheel hard, tried to shake it, then smashed his fist against it. “I can’t do this. Why did I think I could do this? This is a terrible idea!”

He put his hand on the gearshift, ready to put it in reverse… then withdrew his hand and collapsed against his seat. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “Okay, I just need to calm down. I need… what the hell do I need?”

He reached over and opened his glove box, hoping to find something to take the edge off, but—“Goddammit!”—it was empty. He flipped it closed and sat back again.

“You know what…? Fuck it, let’s just rip off this Band-Aid.” Eddie whipped open the car door and stepped out, beginning his final march. “All right, here we go… to victory or to death.”

Near the banquet hall entrance, Eddie spotted Jeff and Grant standing with their prom dates. Grant’s date was frantically dabbing his tuxedo jacket with a tissue and blubbering about a tiny, barely noticeable barbecue sauce stain.

“You did this on purpose, didn’t you? You were determined to ruin my prom pictures.”

Grant rolled his eyes. “Yes, Meg, I’ve been plotting against you the whole time.”

She jabbed his chest with her index finger. “Hey, I told you not to order the ribs! I told you!”

Tara said, “At least you guys got to sit down and eat somewhere nice. Jeff here forgot to make dinner reservations. So instead of my steak dinner, which he promised, I got to dine on a greasy hamburger and stale fries… in a parking lot.”

“And it was a pretty damn good burger, wasn’t it?” said Jeff. “You certainly ate it—along with half my onion rings.” He turned and saw Eddie approaching from the parking lot, wearing a black suit jacket over a t-shirt and ripped jeans. He put up his hand to wave. “Hey, man! You made it!”

Eddie went to join them, feeling a little uncomfortable and underdressed.

Tara took one look at him and said, “You didn’t rent a tux? Even Jeff rented a tux… He forgot to make dinner reservations, but he at least rented a tux.”

Jeff said, “Oh my god, you’ve gotta get over that already.”

“Hey, I don’t have to do anything. Okay?”

Meanwhile, Megan took ten steps back and shrieked, “Oh my god, I can see the stain from over here!”

That’s when Grant finally lost it. “I WILL RIP THESE TICKETS IN HALF! I SWEAR TO GOD, I’LL DO IT!”

“Hey, you’re the one who asked me to prom, buddy!”

“I NEVER THOUGHT YOU’D SAY YES!”

And that’s when Eddie Munson was struck by a horrifying revelation.

“Shit…”

He had forgotten to buy a prom ticket.

_____________________

PREV // CURRENT // NEXT

#stranger things #stranger things 4 #eddie munson #fanfic #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson imagine #eddie munson x fem!reader #chrissy cunningham #jason carver #chrissy x jason #eddie x chrissy #st4 #ambrossart #just me using fanfiction as therapy for all my high school trauma #dancing with myself #dwm #fanfiction

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eddiessidegirl · 1 year

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Small Moment

Summary: Reflecting on your relationship and cuddles with Eddie

Pairing: Caregiver!Eddie x little!reader

Warnings: Standard 18+ for my blog. This is a fluff piece, very self-indulgent. Mentions of CGl dynamic, use of pet names and feelings of insecurity. Let me know if I missed anything!

Word Count: 775

A/N: I’m sorry it’s short but I like how it turned out, and it’s where my headspace is right now. Please enjoy!

MetalheadMunson is typing…

You wondered what the two of you were going to talk about tonight, your subjects always varied. From music to movies and books and everything else in between. Eddie has messaged you first, noticed you 6 months ago in a subreddit for Hawkins; lamenting about the lack of anywhere good to eat and listen to real music. The two of you clicked instantly, and you’d become fast friends. It didn’t take long before you met in person, the local diner to be exact. From then on you talked day and night, in person and online. You learned he liked anything 80s metal and 90s grunge, Eddie tolerated your Taylor Swift and 80s synth preference, but secretly you think he enjoys it. Both of you love horror movies, many nights spent watching slashers and gory films cuddled up on the couch.

The only thing that had taken awhile for you to tell him is about how you coped with your trauma from childhood by regressing and doing childlike things like coloring, playing with stuffies and sleeping in your cute dinosaur PJs. Eddie came across your mountain of stuffies and the crayons one day after 4 months and asked about it. You’d been scared to tell him, worried he’d think less of you. But he didn’t. In fact he scooped you up and plopped down on your bed demanding you tell him everything. And you did, for 2 hours, he asked genuine questions and said he’d be willing to try, which he did ever so wonderfully.

Your screen dinged, taking you out of your thoughts.

‘Princess?’ This followed a few other messages from Eddie, tell you about a date he had planned and some more concerned ones when you hadn’t replied. ‘Earth to my little one’

You smiled, ‘m’here, sorry Daddy, got distracted…’

‘Need me to come over?’

‘Yes please’

Not 20 minutes later you could hear his van coming down your street. You’d changed into comfy clothes and met him at the door. Opening it before he could knock. His face beaming when he saw you. Large hands cupped your cheeks and placed small kisses on your forehead, nose tip followed by your lips. “Let’s go to the couch, munchkin, you can tell me what’s got my girl all preoccupied.”

Following behind him, you waited for his body to be on the cushion before making your way onto your ‘throne’ aka his lap and nestled in. His face nudged your neck, inclination for you to talk.

“I dunno. Just got in my head a little, thinking about us and how you put up with me and my…little-side” you’d always struggled with your self worth and why a guy like Eddie would wanna be with you. Women in town would kill to be with him. Especially since he was a few years older than your 25, 5 years to be exact, eddie being 30 meant women were throwing themselves at him trying to get the local bassist to settle down. But for some reason he picked you.

“Oh, sweetheart, baby…” he crooned softly, pressing kisses to your cheeks, soothing you by rubbing your forearm, “no, it’s ok I don’t ‘put up with you’. I’m with you because I love you and I wanna take care of you.” He rocked you side to side quietly shushing you, butterflies erupted in your tummy. “As for you being little, it’s what make you, you. You’re special and wonderful and it’s something I cherish about you. You trust me to take care of you.” His long hair tickled your cheeks as he nuzzled your face. “I couldn’t be happier to be your Daddy.”

One more kiss was pressed to your temple, your worries soothed for now. Warmth flooded through you, he always knew exactly what to say when you needed it. Now you had just one thing on your mind, “Daddy, can we watch Onward?”

“Of course, Princess, whatever you want.” With a light squeal and giggle, you settled into his chest, never even making it more than 30 minutes into the movie before you were sleeping in your protectors arms. He on the other hand was engrossed and happy just to be with you

“Of course, Princess, whatever you want.” With a light squeal and giggle, you settled into his chest, never even making it more than 30 minutes into the movie before you were sleeping in your protectors arm. He on the other hand was engrossed and happy just to be with you.

PLEASE SUPPORT WRITERS ON TUMBLR BY COMMENTING, REBLOGGING AND LIKING; ITS HOW WE FIND NEW READERS!🖤

#stranger things #eddie munson #stranger things 4 #eddie munson x little!reader #caregiver!eddie #caregiver!eddie x little!reader #cgl dynamic #eddie munson fluff #eddie munson imagine #eddie munson x female reader #eddie x reader #eddie stranger things #eddie munson drabble

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nyxfaei · 7 months

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Yo wait ur a system? Is it ok to ask? Mind introducing us to everyone?

I am!!!

I’m always kinda confronting so I’m always here but at least one of these guys are usually in the drivers seat with me!

They’re like if facets of me became their own people- or if imaginary friends became their own people. they both are and aren’t me? Hard to explain. ANYWAY

Doxa- protector. You’ve seen me post him a lot. Very chatty and loves being perceived. Silly. Flirty. But is dead serious about looking after the rest of the system that he views to be his coven. Somewhat omnipotent about the other members of the system. He’s in a relationship with dragana and is a total wife guy. He uses pet names a lot in conversation. He doesn’t mean anything by it and will normally ask you if you’re okay with it first. He’s currently very interested in Arthur Lester as a person and concept. I’ve already made a post about him as a character.

Dragana- a mediator. A lot more quiet than Doxa but good natured. A lot more introverted though and has a low social battery. She has a much better impulse control and will jump in when doxas being stupid and I can’t stop him. She may or may not be as omnipresent as Doxa but she won’t tell me. She at least has the ability to kick whoever is confronting aside if they’re getting to be too much. She enjoys wearing elegant yet comfortable clothes and listening to 90s indie women artists lmao. I should just make a post about her in general

Ren- chaotic goth punk. They’re Doxa and dragana’s son. He has a weird rocky relationship with Doxa due to happenings in their story. He has a good relationship with dragana though. Although I’ve done a lot of projecting onto them, they don’t front very often because they hate the idea of being in control of so much. He’d mostly enjoys to pop in, listen to loud music and tease people and be a menace- although he’s a well meaning menace. He enjoys going to places with lots of people and just exploring- such as boardwalks and downtown areas. He loves DIY and taking things apart and making new things out of them. Horror movie fan. He’s in a polycule with Lewis and Felix.

Lewis- very introverted and usually keeps to himself when fronting. Horror fanatic. Very into monsters and mysteries. He’s probably the facet that first got interested in malevolent. Bad abandonment issues so when he’s fronting ren and Felix are pretty close by. He enjoys wearing comfy clothing rather than making any sort of statement as opposed to his partners. Enjoys writing, reading (usually graphic novels because I am dyslexic as fuck), and listening to gothic metal. Can come off as rude by accident.

Felix: definitely Lewis’s foil and yet they get along very well seeing as they’re in a relationship together lmao. Loves his friends and is very enthusiastic about everything all the time. Has a killer gut instinct. He does have an originality complex and Will Die if someone shows up wearing the same thing as him. He’s a scaredy cat that prefers spooky movies over scary movies but will put up with them for ren and Lewis. Huge fan of slushies, junk food, and early 2000s emo music. He’s far too easy to tease but we love him with our whole heart.

Callum- constantly wants to be out exploring and adventuring and traveling. Pretty damn social and did a lot of fronting two years ago but he’s been taking a bit of a break- although I still see him show up quite a few times. For the most part he seems to be very well put together but in reality he’s very competitive and has poor impulse control and definitely has his chaotic moments and will just do things on a whim. Big fan of 80s new wave. Has cried over Duran Duran. He’s very good friends with the polycule. Australian?????

Moyra- oldest in the system and has been with me since about 5th grade. Very cynical and has middle manager energy. Used to be the protector but now she just does her own thing. She’s kinda rude and finicky but means well for the most part. Perfectionist and very easily stressed. Just turn on some New Age music for her and she’ll be fine.

Then there’s my fictives-

Arthur Lester- you know him. You know Arthur. He’s a mess. He’s very bad at concealing his thoughts and feelings and Doxa is constantly aware of them and is driving him crazy with his repressed homosexual issues. Is in like. A constant state of internal screaming but he talks and types like a polite young man save for all the fucking swearing he does LMAO- surprisingly gets along with Doxa since Doxa keeps Kayne away from him. Still trying to solve his podcast counterpart’s issues and is very invested in the mysteries of it. Good for him. Somehow always manages to get me hurt while fronting.

Kayne- yes that’s right there’s a Kayne in here. You also know Kayne. All of my chaos goes into that guy for better or for worse. Used to front a lot but since I’m going through a rough time he’s been taking a back seat since he isn’t very good with delicate situations OBVIOUSLY. When he fronts he’s always up to some fuck shit. Really likes playing among us LMAO

Melkor- from the silmarillion. Tbh this guy has been dormant for a few years which is a relief because he’s like if Kayne and the king in yellow were one person. If you don’t know what that means, just imagine if a goth metal head with anger issues created the concept of chaos itself and has the powers of a god. Anyhow, he’s been locked in his mind palace room listening to metal for the past few years and I prefer to keep it that way

#system stuff #nyx shut up #I recently discovered that I’m a system and my little imaginary friend thing I have going on has a name lmao #actually did #if you don’t understand or ‘get’ system things feel free to ask. just be respectful about it #I know I’m mentally ill lmao bitch gotta cope

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apoptoses · 6 months

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Omg please don’t apologize for your answer to my genderbent ask!! I’ll admit that as a fellow butch it is really getting to me like…you get it.

I also don’t really interact with a lot of lesbian media because it’s so sterilized. So often it seems that whoever wrote it was like sure we can have two women hold hands or peck on the lips as long as they’re feminine! As long as they don’t come off as *that* kind of lesbian. Butchness and lesbian masculinity are so often treated as dirty or not taken seriously which is really hurtful!

And I completely agree that a lot of genderswaps rely so much on hyperfeminity. Slap a pair of boobs on a male character and give him long hair and make up and a feminine name like dude that’s a whole other character now 😭 (and I have to say that I hate it when characters are given silly versions of their names just to make it girlier like c’mon women with masculine/traditionally men names are hot!!)

Maybe it’s just me being butch4butch and projecting but butch!Daniel hits so hard for me like she is literally just canon Daniel to me but afab and how that would change her narrative. I oscillate so often on how I think Armand would be particularly because of his relationship with gender in the books. He’s androgynous but is that just because he didn’t fully mature? I feel like a lot of women are done growing by their late teens so would genderbent Armand be taller or have a different build because of that? It’s so fun to think about and I think she would play a lot with presentation in the 80s and be having gender talks along with the philosophical discussions with Daniel in that era.

Long story short I really love the gender aspect of genderswaps and masc women are so hot and like that is the appeal for me especially since we don’t get a lot of that! I really hope that it doesn’t seem like I’m talking over you or like pressuring you to write anything but I really connected with your response and if it’s something that you’re comfortable with I would really love to hear the angles that you’re thinking of!! <3

No you're not talking over at all! I was so verklempt by someone actually getting it that it took me a minute to answer lol

But exactly, either everything is sanitized ('aw lesbians love picnics and frogs and holding hands in their cottage core dresses!!') or the hyper femininity fetishized. Like I said in my tags, taking a cis man and making him a cis man who doesn't conform to gender stereotypes is no less of a gender swap. But like...society doesn't acknowledge butch/masc/studs, much less acknowledge that we can be attractive.

And YEAH like Daniel did so much solo travel, so much entering of spaces that might not be totally safe for a femme woman alone in the 70s so presenting more masc might be a safety net in a way. And like imagine Armand hearing this soft woman's voice on the tapes when entering Lestat's house but turning the corner and seeing someone like this-

Like!!! Wow!!! Or even with an androgynous masculine shag like-

And when Louis and Armand were together there's a big question of how much they were out in the world vs how Louis' grief kept them from fully entering and enjoying mortal spaces. So like Armand seeing women playing more with gender via clothing, the evolution of pants becoming acceptable for women to wear- would Armand have already embraced that, or by meeting Daniel would she feel free to play around with androgyny and masculine fashion more? I like to think it would be the latter, because their time together was such a period of exploration!

And you can also get into concept of being Other, with Daniel able to relate some way to Armand being othered as a vampire where she is othered as a gnc woman. There's just a lot to play with imo

So thank you SO SO MUCH for this message, it really felt good for me to read ♥ Lately I've had so much anguish over the way I am/attractiveness/getting people to respect boundaries, so it's nice to know someone out there gets it.

#apoptoses answers

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serendipitous-magic · 2 years

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You know what, fine, I’ll say something about it. Because as an author and a librarian, I feel pretty damn qualified to.

If we expunged every single creative work on earth that had any kind of harmful or hurtful content at all, there would be nothing left.

Nothing.

There’s not a single thing on earth that isn’t problematic in some way.

Before you jump into rage mode, what I’m not saying is “Whatever, people can do whatever they want in art and it doesn’t matter!” Because… obviously not. (Just look at me ranting about how Joss Whedon treats women in his works. But don’t get me started there.)

No one is out here saying “antisemitism is fine” or “racism is fine” or “homophobia is fine” or what-have-you. Similarly, no one is out here saying “it’s unnecessary to hold authors and other artists accountable if they’re shitty.”

What I am saying is, yes, books and other works of art have harmful content in them. Pretty much always. Give Tumblr 10 minutes and I guarantee you they could find something problematic in Blues Clues. However, the internet has cultivated something really unhelpful where these echo chambers build, and everything ever is either black or white. No gray.

I.e.: purity culture.

If something isn’t absolutely irreproachable in every way, it’s heinous.

Except it’s not.

(Let’s make a disclaimer: there ARE works and artists that are just total pieces of shit. Say, Might is Right by “Ragnar Redbeard” (nice Asshole L.A.R.P. name, Arthur Desmond). We can pretty reasonably toss that whole crock of bullshit and the bull that produced it. We’re talking about normal literature here, not like… literal Nazi screed.)

If we forbade anyone from ever participating in or enjoying things with harmful tropes or stereotypes, well, goodbye literally every 80s movie and everything before it. Goodbye like 99.9999% of movies, actually. Goodbye every classic book ever. Goodbye Stranger Things. Goodbye Batman. Goodbye Holy Bible (that’s a WHOLE other can of worms). Goodbye… literally all media, ever. We’d lose all of it. Especially the stuff from like… any past decade. Is that all useless? Is there nothing good or useful about any of it? Of course there is! Because nothing is 100% good or 100% evil. (Again, we’re not talking about Nazi screed or the like, that’s a different ballpark all together.) So are we saying that a work with both good and bad in it, even if it’s mostly good, is absolutely useless and evil? It just doesn’t work when you try to apply it to real life situations outside of a Philosophy 101 classroom.

And furthermore, what I’m also saying is, people are perfectly capable of reading (or watching, or whatever) a work that has societally hurtful elements in it, and using their brain, and saying “hm yeah that’s a pretty outdated harmful stereotype,” or, for example, “the fuck, Rowling.” And then moving on. It doesn’t mean the reader agrees with the sentiment expressed there. You could even - gasp! - read a work with harmful stereotypes and enjoy the work as a whole without enjoying or agreeing with those stereotypes. And that really, really shouldn’t be a controversial statement.

To assume that people aren’t capable of reading or even enjoying an entire work without agreeing with or supporting *every single theme and message in that work* is frankly ridiculous. We’re not toddlers. We have rational thinking. It’s honestly kind of insulting to humans in general when you assume they’re not smart enough to form their own opinions and recognize when something doesn’t line up with their morals or ethics.

Furthermore, if people only EVER read and enjoyed things that met someone’s (say, your) standard of what’s 100% good and pure, those people would have a pretty anemic set of morals and ethics. Because guess what? People need to be exposed to ideas they don’t agree with in order to figure out “hm, I don’t agree with this.”

The sterilization of media will only ever lead to a morally and ethically stunted population.

This is why we don’t take Republican propaganda off the shelves at the library. Yeah, it’s bad! But if people are never given the chance to interface with these harmful ideas, they’ll never actually form their own opinion - or even form the ABILITY to form their own opinion. Morality is a *skill*, not an inherent trait. Take away any chance to exercise it, and you’ll end up with pretty weak morals, even if they’re the “good” ones.

Going on a witch hunt for people who enjoy fiction that has problematic elements is useless. Especially because it shuts down conversation. It shuts down the possibility of any growth. If two people had a conversation like “oh hey I see you’re reading Brave New World, there was some fucked up shit in there,” and they had a discussion about what parts of it were societally harmful and what parts of it were thought provoking or impactful or whatever, they both come away with a better understanding of their own morals, the literature, and the wider world. That would never happen if the conversation stopped at “You’re not allowed to like Brave New World because there’s some fucked up shit in there.”

And finally, refusing to participate in Harry Potter fandom won’t affect Rowling in literally any way. She’s already richer than the dreams of avarice. Same with, like, Marvel. If this was, say, one woman doing online publishing through Amazon, and she turned out to be kind of a gross terf, then sure, don’t buy her stuff, don’t encourage her by applauding her books or whatever. But that’s not the situation. And even if it was - see above.

If an individual chooses not to participate in a fandom because they don’t agree with the creator’s ethics or morals, great! You do you. However, it is not your place to demand that everyone else make the same choice that you do.

Punishing people for enjoying Harry Potter, and demanding that they banish it from their lives entirely, does not affect Rowling being a terf, or whatever else. If people want to fight racism, transphobia, antisemitism, homophobia, etc. in media (or outside of media), good news, there’s a ton of ways to do that. But getting pissed off because people still enjoy a fandom that’s like 98% not those things is… not gonna do shit except make people upset. Yeah, it sucks that the 2% of grossness is there. And we shouldn’t ignore it. It deserves to be acknowledged and held to task. But pitching out the entire series and the entire huge fandom surrounding it is a child’s way of dealing with this. And it won’t have any meaningful or lasting effect on the actual core issues.

TL;DR: You’re right, harmful shit like racism in media *should* be held accountable and scrutinized and fought - but the way to do that is not to expunge the whole work from the earth. People are thinking, intelligent creatures. We can enjoy a work without supporting each and every single theme and message in it. And if people *don’t* have the maturity to do that, they probably don’t have the maturity to safely navigate the internet alone.

There’s a LOT more that could be said here but frankly I’m tired of typing.

Inbox person, I probably sound mad and/or intense, and it’s not directed at you. It seems like you come from a place of confusion or hurt, and this isn’t an attack on you. It is, rather, a very tired and frustrated response to the increasing purity culture witch-hunt the internet has been staging (and yes, I know you disagree with that phrase being used here). You happened to trigger thoughts on a much larger topic. I’m not answering your asks because I don’t want to seem like it’s a “fight,” and I don’t want to potentially enable anyone to come bother you. But please give this some thought. I doubt I’ll convince you because this is a VERY hot topic for many people, with emotions running very high around it, and opinions are pretty polarized. But I’ll be happy if I can introduce an alternative perspective, at least.

#anon #harry potter #purity culture #media #if this reads as upset I’m honestly not #i just know that this is an important topic #that the internet loooooves to twist and abuse

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yuribalisms · 8 months

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I don’t think I’m gonna articulate this well but I am genuinely so tired of queer spaces treating lesbians like we’re insane when we complain about how male dominated quite literally everything is. I get it. I get a lot of people either are men (or something close) or are attracted to them so they don’t give a fuck/enjoy/benefit from literally everything being male dominated but not only do you not give a shit that this is a unique uncomfortableness and oppression that lesbians deal with, if we ever say that, you act like we’re fucking insane

I can’t pursue certain medical treatments I want “because what if my husband wants kids.” I watch men at my job every day make fun of their wives and tell them they’re not allowed to get things that make them happy and no one acts like this is horrible. It took me fucking forever to find a female tattoo artist and piercer because the field is so male dominated. Over 90% of upper management at my job is male and most of them have harassment claims against them which nothing comes up because it’s other men receiving these claims. Even “smaller” things like It’s damn near impossible to read or watch anything where 70-80% of the characters aren’t male. And if you do find media where most of the characters are women it’s written off/only take serious by other women.

Even ppl I know irl that I complain about this too huff and groan when I complain cuz and it’s like I GET IT!!! YOURE A GUY!!! YOURE ATTRACTED TO MEN!!!! You LIKE seeing men everywhere, you BENEFIT from there being men everywhere but can’t you even fucking pretend to care that these are issues

And I can’t even go into queer spaces and voice I’m upset by this without being bombarded by ppl saying shit like “well ppl get flak for being attracted to men all the time” or “but masculine ppl are ignored in the queer community too” and like STFU you are comparing lesbians saying shit like “I hate men” or making jokes about how it would suck to be attracted to them to an actual form of systematic oppression

And now I’m seeing ppl post shit about “misandry is real actually” and practically saying shit like “it’s okay to hate women and hate see them and looking at them uwu” and it is making me FUCKING CRAZY

I feel like I’m going insane. Am I going insane. It’s so so SO fucking male dominated EVERYWHERE and I can’t even point that out without a line of annoying ass mlm and trans guys going “MISANDRY IS REAL YOU ARE OPPRESSING ME BY TALKING ABOUT MISOGYNY” like am I losing it. I think I’m losing it

And like !!!!! I actively avoid men too!!! I don’t follow men 9 times out of 10. I refuse to see professionals who are men if I can help it. And I’m still getting fucking slammed with this shit

Please. Please. I’m so fucking tired. I never wanna see another man again for the rest of my fucking life and I never wanna see anyone who isn’t a lesbian or at least some form of sapphic act like this is an issue that gets blown out of proportion I’m so sick. I’m so tired. Oh my god

#kaz rambles

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heatwavering · 9 months

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when-harry-met-sally-ification of hangster is genius!!!! i would love to hear more about that if you don't mind sharing!

also - what's on your bradley bradshaw playlist? what's genre do you associate w/ him the most?

oh god. oh you don’t even know man. hangster being harry met sally (1989) is one of those things that only makes sense in my head or with a lot of background context, because if i were to just come out and say “rooster is like sally because he’s a chronic perfectionist and an emotional powder keg that lets everything pile up until the last moment (plus his mom is meg ryan), and hangman’s like harry because he’s an cynical asshole who’s actually gooey on the inside and doesn’t speak before he thinks and chooses to push peoples buttons and yearns more than he lets on” to someone who’s only seen both movies in passing, i’m going to get a lot of blank stares and nervous laughter. "isn't that every romcom couple ever?" yes. but i mean--

BAR. FOR BAR. I have wayyy more examples and comparisons but my computer explodes every time I try to add a picture or god forbid a gif. mostly, the "we've met before and it went terrible both times, but the third time we met it stuck and we managed to finally find equal footing and fall in love," is sooooo special to me. and since when harry met sally is an 80s movie (derogatory) and people bog down on the "men and women can't be friends" thing it gets a lot of flack, but by the end of the movie the whole dynamic shifts and becomes more like "why are we putting such big expectations on a relationship when I just love you. plain and simple. no wishy-washy philosophy applies because we've outgrown it and now know each other as equals." (plus that whole first "idea" is brought up by a cynical twenty-something who changes his entire worldview by the end of the movie bc he's fallen in love. why stick to your guns about an idea that's outdated when (a) people are too complicated to fall into your boxes and (b) uhhh who cares. you're in love. I always thought the change in harry's character is supposed to reverse his previous claim in the beginning of the movie and make fun of it for being kind of elementary. but maybe I'm thinking too hard about it.) I'm definitely glossing over some plot points and nuance and whatever but again, this dynamic is something that came directly out of my mind and basically only applies to how I've sandcastled hangster into what I want to see. plus I watched WHMS at like nine years old and it might've had some debilitating side effects. enjoy with an entire pile of salt.

about music now. I'm one of those people that is the ugly kind of pretentious about character playlists (his ass would NOT listen to hayloft by mother mother, shit like that) but also spends net zero time actually building a playlist that follows a timeline or theme. so I just sort everything into two separate playlists/categories: songs that [insert character] would listen to "canonically" and songs [insert character] is aligned with in my own opinion. sometimes there's overlap!!! and sometimes I'm forcing myself to decide if Bradley listens to third eye blind or is the kind of guy who makes fun of people who listen to third eye blind. I still can't decide. I wasn't alive when he was in high school. and you know you're up a creek without a paddle when American Pie (1999) becomes reliable historical material. anyway here's the best way I can describe the difference in the two:

Bradley's own playlist: teenage boy from SoCal in the late 90s early 2000s. in my mind he was always kinda quiet in school and did partake in band so he could play the piano (yes, in jazz band. if I hear a Whiplash joke I'm airing the room out) and spent a lot of time listening to anything and everything that wasn't uhhh Britney Spears adjacent. but lots of blink-182, foo fighters, Pearl Jam, nirvana. probably some early Coldplay. maybe some of The Killers when he got to college, and Radiohead but in secret and when Maverick wouldn't bully him for listening to so much "sad ass (unspoken: gay) music." and of course he's Goose's son, soooo: Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers, Jim Croce, Billy Joel, Allman Brother's Band, Hall & Oates, CCR, Eagles, etc. From Maverick (and Ice): U2, Pearl Jam, The Cars, more dad yacht rock, maybe Metallica (??) depends on if you think Maverick would ever mess around with something hair metal adjacent. of course he prays at the alter of Bruce Springsteen like his fathers before him. and his mom filled in everything else: Fleetwood Mac, Elton John, Paul Simon, Wham! (George Michael being outed....hoo boy. #1 topic NOT discussed at the Bradshaw-Mitchell-Kazansky dinner table.), George Strait, Hootie & The Blowfish, miscellaneous female country music from the 90s like Faith Hill and Shania Twain. Alison Krauss & Union Station! Alanis Morissette! The Goo Goo Dolls? now I'm just listing things but you get the picture.

my playlist about Bradley: anything about hating your dad or your hometown with lyrics that apply. see photo below and you'll get the vibe.

[also, that ONE specific photo of miles teller in project x is the photo that sailed a thousand fics. i love that photo. i wrote this entire fucking fic around that photo. it’s so bradley nicolas bradshaw to me.]

but overall my biggest examples of songs that apply to him (for me) are Little Giant by Roo Panes, Release by Pearl Jam, and The Long Way Around by the Chicks. Seventeen by Sharon Van Etten bc of how it makes me feel about Maverick and him (sick in the head.) souvenir by boygenius. faith by bon iver. Hot & Heavy by Lucy Dacus and The Steps by HAIM for hangster vibes. too much Taylor Swift and Maggie Rogers that I don't know how to explain without having a published fic. I have a ton more and I want to pick like 10 songs from each section and go into heavier detail, but I should probably put something out before I dig myself a hole pffft.

#writing #top gun #bradley rooster bradshaw #writing all of this instead of packing for school uuuuhhh #on the bright side i’ve been writing much that usual #and no promises but there’s something cooking. it’s not related to any of this but i wrote about 8k for a one shot and have not stopped #never back down never WHAT?#it’s…sad. very sad. maybe too sad. but when is icemav not

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bobbieisnotcool · 4 months

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about me ! ⋆˙⟡♡

i’m a british teenager who enjoys film studies and english literature. i love writing poetry and i talk far too much. people say it’s because i have such an imagination and that a lot goes on in my head that i don’t process. i’m bad at processing my thoughts, so tend to just live in the moment. i feel most like myself when i’m writing, acting, or watching films, and i try to find myself or others in everything around me. i consider myself to be somewhat of a neil perry from peter weirs dead poets society. i also consider myslef as somewhat of a charlie kelmeckis (the perks of being a wallflower) and a jo march (little women). i think if i were a song it would be forever young by alphaville, i can imagine that being my song in an 80s coming of age/comedy film. i mean it is my favourite song of all time now, but real life in 2024 is nowhere near as cool. on the topic of films, my favourite scene in cinematic history is neil perry’s monologue scene in dead poets society where he talks about his dream of being an actor. however, the art museum scene in ferris buellers day off with the instrumental of the dream academy’s please please please let me get what i want is my favourite moment in cinematic history without speech. in particular, when cameron is staring at the girl in the painting and seeing himself in her. the whole idea is that the more he looks at the girl in the painting the less she becomes and the less he is able to see, he fears that the more people look at him he will get the same fate as the painting. to finish off some of my vague favourites, my favourite writing of any sort whatsoever is sylvia plaths idea of the fig tree analogy in the bell jar, i reference it in almost everything i write, thus it’d be wrong not to give it its rightful mention here. if you have not read the bell jar, or know if this analogy i highly recommend. i’ll show you an extract about the analogy beneath.

“i saw my life branching out before me like the green fig tree in the story. from the tip of every branch, like a fat purple fig, a wonderful future beckoned and winked. one fig was a husband and a happy home and children, and another fig was a famous poet and another fig was a brilliant professor” and so on.

my favourite films ☆

౨ৎ dead poets society (1989)

౨ৎ the perks of being a wallflower (2012)

౨ৎ ferris buellers day off (1986)

౨ৎ stand by me (1986)

౨ৎ it chapter 1 (2017)

౨ৎ bridge to terabithia (2007)

౨ৎ beautiful boy (2018)

౨ৎ mrs doubtfire (1993)

౨ৎ juno (2007)

౨ৎ scott pilgrim vs the world (2010)

౨ৎ grease (1978)

౨ৎ wonder (2017)

if you liked any of those you should totally consider following my letterboxd @bobbieisnotcool !

my favourite songs right now ♫

౨ৎ forever young by alphaville

౨ৎ friends will be friends- live in budapest by queen

౨ৎ i know you by faye webster

౨ৎ her majesty takes 1-3 by the beatles

౨ৎ silver springs live 23.5.1997 by fleetwood mac

౨ৎ anyone else but you by the moldy peaches

౨ৎ take on me by aha

౨ৎ pale blue eyes by the velvet underground

again, if you liked any of those you should totally follow my spotify linked below!

“we accept the love we think we deserve”

#girlblogging #girlhood #about myself #dead poets society #the perks of being a wallflower #hell is a teenage girl

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dark-visitors · 9 months

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Okay, your opinion on ships? This is just for fun xP and research 😉 nah jk just fun because why not?

~~~Which do you prefer?~~~

Wyler or Wenclair?

Wyler or Tynid?

(Answer can't be wyclair because it's all 3 that's cheating🤣🫣) I do know you like both but do you like one higher than the others?

~~~Thoughts on these ships?~~~

Petroclair? (Just to see if you'd be interested in reading fics if I post of them) ~

Bucas? (Bianca and Lucas) (I feel like I'm the only one who ships them HARD) ~

Yoko x Divina? (Idk their ship name) and same with these two I feel like I'm the only one who ships them)

(This next one is a friendship because i don't ship young kids)

would it be sweet to see a friendship between Eugene and Pugsley?

(I know you're a multishipper & I'm not used to it, but I just want to know your thoughts on these ships for fun)

You want—you want me to CHOOSE between the loves of my life!?! Why would you do this to me? Did I do something to offend you?

I will amuse you. But you’re stressing me out dude.

Wyler vs Wenclair: If we’re looking at just the ships themselves I genuinely don’t think I have a favourite. I started in the Wenclair fandom but I tend to interact with the Wyler fandom a tad bit more these days. I love them both so much it hurts. But if I HAD to choose probably Wenclair because my favourite character is Enid and I’m going to get a lot more Enid content with Wenclair than I am for Wyler. Also I’m just a femslash kinda girl. 80% of my ships since I started in fandom at 11 have been femslash. Likely because I’m bi and complex queer women that actually interest me are hard to come across in media. And I already read a lot of published romance books that portray straight relationships that I enjoy so it would hurt slightly less to give up Wyler. SLIGHTLY! But I’m not happy about you making me figure that out. I’ve been sitting here for like 20 mins already.

Wyler vs Tynid: Wyler probably takes the cake here. Emphasis on PROBABLY. But because we have very little canon Tynid content it harder to make content about them and it’s a rare pair so I rarely come across other people making content about them either. Whereas Wyler has a very active and engaged community and that’s what fandom and shipping is all about. Like to an extent I already don’t have Tynid (when something does pop up it’s the best thing ever though). Also despite the lack of Enid (rude and unacceptable) Wyler as a solo couple has a very intriguing dynamic that is a lot of fun to pay with. They’re dark romance and obsessive devotion and that’s what I live for.

Now that torturous occasion is over (WYCLAIR ENDGAME) the rest of these are a lot easier to answer.

Enid x Ajax: Not really? I don’t have anything against it. I love Ajax and Enid really seems to like him. They’re cute. But I’m weird about Enid ships. I have a very specific idea of who Enid is and what type of relationship would suit her in the long run. And Ajax is too chill for Enid in my opinion. I think she’s better with someone who’s as intense as she is. Someone a little less hinged. Ajax is sweet and I think he makes a very good first boyfriend. That guy you go to school dances with. That you remember fondly. That very rarely upset you. And who was always by your side, holding your hand. Your first kiss. Maybe even your first time. But it’s as if something is missing. Love isn’t sweet. It’s intense. It’s obsessive. It’s always burning and sometimes it hurts like a bitch and you feel like your drowning. But it’s also fucking everything and it’s what makes life worth living. I’m in a ranting mood apparently, but to summarise, for some people sweet is enough, but I don’t think Enid is one of those people. It’s a valid ship but it’s just not for me.

Bianca and Lucas: Love it. Underappreciated ship. Will be writing it into the Wyclair fake dating AU. We haven’t seen much of them but from what we have I think they’re really compatible.

Yoko and Divina (Yokovina): Also love it. You’re obviously from the Wyler fandom and not the Wenclair fandom because A LOT (tbh literally all of us) ship it. It’s a big thing. You should check it out. Both of their screen times were lacking so most of the headcanons I have about them have come from their fandom curated personalities. But they’re endgame. I won’t take arguments about it.

Pugsley and Eugene: They’re already besties. They haven’t met but they’re inseparable. Wednesday herself thinks they’re super similar and she would know. Plus they’re both lacking in the friendship department and Pugsley would corrupt Eugene and I’m here for their antics. Also headcanoning that Pugsley has a crush on Enid too, and Tyler and Wednesday are like… you’re lucky we love you. You’re the only two people who could get away with that.

#anon asks #dark-visitors

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britany1997 · 1 year

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80s Asks - The Outsiders, The Goonies, Back to the Future

the goonies: what was the last thing to make you laugh?

I JUST FOUND OUT THAT ROBBY THE RAT FROM FLUSHED AWAY IS BASED ON MATTY HEALY FROM THE 1975 AND THAT MADE ME LAUGH SO HARD OMGGGGG that man is so unhinged how does he exist

the outsiders: why is your best friend your best friend?

My real life roommate and best friend is @bookworm551 I have a lot of close friends but she’s probably my absolute best friend (her and another friend of mine we both know) maybe part of it is that we spend every day together but I think I consider her my best friend because she knows me better than anyone else (even my family, sometimes she knows me too much👀) (I feel like I know her better than most people too), she’s a great listener, we have a lot in common, we love to talk about books, we both write, similar backgrounds and upbringing blah blah blah, but I think a lot of it too is that a genuinely enjoy her company and who she is as a person, everything I do I always do with her, or wish I was doing it with her. When something happens she’s the first person I wanna tell, and we never run out of things to talk about. Being around her makes me happy:) we’re platonic soulmates fr. I think that’s most of it but tbh I could say more, she’s the best:)

back to the future: which decade in the last century would you most have liked to live in?

I’m so lame, but when people ask me that I always say this one because this is as good as it’s been for women, POCs, and members of the LGBTQ+ I would hate to deal with more discrimination than I already face (sorry that’s such a serious answer😭)

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waugh-bao · 2 years

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Top 5 early 2000s Charlie pics (so shameless of me, I just want to see pics). Also top 5 books.

I’m not complaining.

In no particular order:

1. He looks like a classic movie star and I love it.

2. Charlie smiling is nice no matter what, but I know from the rest of the set that he’s smiling at Mick, which makes it that much better.

3. I mean, do we even need to say why?

4. It’s neat to see Charlie in a space that he decorated, and it’s especially nice to see him looking so relaxed and comfortable in his own skin. This is 2000, so that good period post-‘80s drinking/drugs and pre-cancer, when he seemed to have more confidence than he ever had before or would again.

5. Isn’t it lovely to see an old married couple that still enjoys each other’s company?

I’m not sure if this is for the Stones or all books in general, so I’ll just do both.

(With the caveat that I’m a massive book nerd and asking me to pick my favorite is like asking someone to choose a favorite kid, so I’m just going a bit randomly and only doing fiction. Also, as before, no particular order).

Stones:

1. Life by Keith Richards

It’s biased, but he’s entertaining as hell/so damn bitchy, and there is Charlie propaganda galore.

2. The True Adventures of The Rolling Stones by Stanley Booth

An interesting view into the Stones as a cultural force, as well as their band dynamics, and Stanley’s obvious crush on Shirley is hilarious.

3. Sympathy for the Drummer by Mike Edison

Quite honestly, I don’t read a lot of band books/celebrity bios, and a lot of that has to do with the fact that the writing is trash. Totally not the case here. Edison has a very Hunter S. Thompson meets Tom Wolfe, gonzo/New Journalism style that makes the book enjoyable to read even just for the prose. Of course, the most important part is that it’s all about why Charlie Watts is amazing.

4. S.T.P. by Robert Greenfield

Like the Booth book, a cool view into the band itself and its cultural impact. The book he wrote about following them in 1971 is also pretty good.

5. Stoned by Jo Wood

Lots of great, candid photos.

Books in general:

1. My Name is Red by Orhan Pamuk

This is a novel about a miniaturist in the 16th century Ottoman Empire, but it’s also an exploration of religion, love, sex, violence, art, and everything else under the sun. The subject is already close to my heart, both because Islamic miniature painting is an art form I love and that period/place intersects with my professional life, but the prose is mind bendingly good. Each chapter has a different narrator, and it’s not only people that narrate, but the color red, a corpse, death, etc.

2. Brideshead Revisited by Evelyn Waugh

Waugh is one of my favorite English novelists, and this may be my favorite one of his books. It’s sweeping yet still human, sad but still retains hope, funny and dark without losing any of its gravity. The description of Charles and Sebastian under the tree with Aloysius the teddy will haunt me forever.

3. The Collected Poems in English: Joseph Brodsky

Poetry is a little outside of fiction, but I adore Brodsky, so we’ll stretch. To be quite honest, I’m guessing that this is the best resource to read him in English, because I have all of his work in Russian, but please, read him any way you can. He’s criminally underappreciated outside of the Russophone world, and his work is just shatteringly amazing. If you’ve never tried anything by him, look up “May 24, 1980.”

4. Love in A Fallen City and Other Stories by Eileen Chang

This is a novella attached to a collection of short stories, and every piece deserves to be written. Chang shines a fascinating light on early 20th century Chinese culture and society, normally from an often little appreciated female perspective. Even though many of her works focus on relationships between men and women, she’s not any kind of stereotypical romance writer, and you get a lot more than cheap tears or saccarine happy endings.

5. Love in the Ruins by Walker Percy

It’s the voice that draws me to this book, and I think that’s also what makes it so engaging. Dr. Thomas More (descendant of the famous author of Utopia) is a southern doctor struggling day to day to look after his patients in a disintegrating country. He’s also an alcoholic, a lapsed Catholic, and a divorcee who lost a daughter and ricochets between women trying to find stability and meaning while waiting for the end of the world.

#honorable mention for ada by vladimir nabokov #thanks!#the rolling stones #charlie watts #keith richards #old married band #mick jagger #ask response #anonymous #ask game

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esonetwork · 8 months

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Sherrilyn Kenyon loves Dragon Con just as much as you do

New Post has been published on http://esonetwork.com/sherrilyn-kenyon-loves-dragon-con-just-as-much-as-you-do/

Sherrilyn Kenyon loves Dragon Con just as much as you do

by Jen “Lil�� Bit” Schleusner

I had the pleasure of chatting a bit with Sherrilyn Kenyon while at this year’s Dragon Con. A beloved staple guest, she also began attending con as many of us do – as an attendee and then later, a track volunteer.

Q: I was wondering if you could speak to how you feel about how there’s just such this great big love for you here at Dragon Con and the stories that you tell.

A: Oh, because I grew here in Georgia, near the airport, and I attended Dragon Con many, many times. Because I grew up here, I never thought, I mean – I was what, I think I was number one on the New York Times – but they’re like, you should apply to be a guest. I was like, oh yeah, cuz I volunteered and I’ve done all kinds of stuff with Dragon Con until then. So I’m like, yeah, that’d be nice to have that badge. I think it shocked them, even though I grew up down in Riverdale with Titan Comics and I used to go in there all the time as a 14, 15 year old kid. And yeah, it, it’s been amazing to watch it grow and to be on this side of the table was so weird.

Q: You said you used to volunteer – what departments did you volunteer in?

A: Oh with Nancy Knight, I’ve known her since the 80s, so when she started doing writer’s track, when Storm Constantine was doing the horror track – whatever they needed, I’d be happy to do.

Q: I know you obviously enjoy horror and vampires, Greek mythology, all that. What were some of your favorite stories, either from the past or favorite movies, favorite properties?

A: Oh god, There’s so many…

Q: Or do you have any new favorites?

A:Oh, my new, okay. My shameful thing, Cocaine Bear. Oh my God, I’ve not laughed so hard in a movie. I wish my mother was still alive because she would so love Cocaine Bear. Oh, the Pope’s Exorcist was actually pretty good.

Q: I just watched that a few months ago. I was surprised how good it was.

A: Yeah, I was not expecting it. So yeah, that was a really good one too. And I just found a new one that was recommended to me on a panel that I’ve got to see – Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey. Yeah, cuz I made a joke: “I want to write a really slasher Winnie the Pooh book” and they said “oh, it’s been done.” I’m like, what? Okay, well I won’t do it, but I’ll go watch it.

Q: Remember the very first time you were on the New York Best with your book? That feeling that you had then, do you still get that one over your books?

A: Oh yeah. When they first come out it’s like, “oh, my book!” – Yeah, no, that has not, thankfully, ever gone away. But interestingly enough, I was coming from here going home. I lived in Tennessee when I hit the New York Times and I got the call from my editor and we were at a gas station, and so we got out of the car and we were dancing around. Everybody’s looking at us! I still do my ugly spooky dance. And my son’s funny because like “I can’t believe you’re still like, look, it’s a real book!”

Q: What do you think about the technology side of the writing now?

A: I love it and I hate it like everything else. Interestingly enough, I was the first New York published author to do an ebook back in the nineties, and I remember having discussions with my publisher where he’s like“eBooks will never, it’s not going to be a thing”. And I worked IT at the time – I’m telling you buddy, watch out. They’re going to take us over now two years later he’s like, “God, they’re like 80% of sales.” Remember the discussion we had.

Q: I’ve read a lot of books – whether they’re written by men or women where they’ll describe a sex scene. But usually I’m just like, this doesn’t seem realistic or this doesn’t speak to me and I just want to gloss over those scenes. I don’t find it believable. But the way that you write intimate scenes to me, the details – It makes sense for those characters and it’s believable and I don’t want to skip over those scenes.

A: Well, and to me, not all of them have scenes in them. So it really depends on the book. It depends on the couple. And yeah, like you said, it’s not like part A goes into part B. To me, it needs to come from the characters and each one has their own rhythm that they do. It just depends.

Q: It’s honest. They’re honest scenes and it’s really easy to tell when it’s not written, honestly.

A: Well, everything when I’m writing is from the character, so if it doesn’t feel natural for the character, it’s on the cutting room floor. I want y’all to love the characters – I don’t even care if my name’s on the book. Just love the Characters..

Q: Archeron, Julian, Grace, Simi, love them all. So well-written that you can see each character that you’ve written.

A: The funny thing is, I really don’t describe the characters that much. One to me was the biggest compliment I got was, “your characters are ethnically invisible.” I’m like, but I do that because I want whoever’s reading the book

Q: To be identified.

A: Yeah, you put what you want. And if it’s important, like Ash’s eyes, I will explain that. But the rest of it, I may say it once, if you pick it up good and if you don’t – because I would rather the reader be able to insert, what to me, it’s such a great relationship with readers because their imagination, it’s the greatest tool. And so I give ’em just enough to let them fill in a lot of the details.

Q: Well, and there’s so many times where if somebody puts too many details, then you’re just like, okay, yep, there’s okay 20 pages telling me what the forest looks like or what somebody’s outfit looks like and now I’m no longer invested.

A: A good example of that’s Bride or Brida, but everybody calls her Bride, so I do too. She’s a heavy character. I have a lot of characters who are heavy women, like Elena, Sunshine, Grace – is not small, but they don’t harp on it. Someone like me, I’m like, oh my God, I’m so big -I slipped on a copperhead and I shocked it. I know the Copperhead went back and said, “lemme tell you, I was minding my own business. I was comfortable in this house. A big old woman came and stepped on my head.”

Q: With the character Asher, was that based on somebody you knew personally from the past?

A: No, I mean the characters, there are pieces of me in every character because that would be completely disingenuous to say, “no, they’re not.” We write what we know. But no, I really tend not to do that. The only character that really resembles somebody is Bubba, an homage to my older brother who passed. But yeah, normally the characters are just the characters.

Q: Do you like writing about the holiday season?

A: I do and I want to do more. We’ve got “Hebrew For the Holidays” coming out, which is some of my old stories being republished. Ironically, I was talking to my editor today about doing a Nick Christmas book, so we’re hoping to do that. And I want to do a semi Christmas with Simi.

Q: I could see her just bouncing around and harassing Santa.

A: So Much fun , handing out barbecue and oven mitts to everybody.

Q: Going by and lighting Christmas trees on fire.

A: There you go, “I was trying to help it”

Find out more information about Sherrilyn and her career at: https://www.sherrilynkenyon.com

#Author #Chronicles of Nick #Dark Hunters #Dragon Con #dragon con 2023 #ESO #ESO Network #interview #Lil' Bit #Sherrilyn Kenyon #Urban Fantasy #writer

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websitesterri · 2 years

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Cheerio cereal bars

Cheerio cereal bars plus#

(Side note, these hungarian cookie energy balls are also great for that purpose!). But for the longer course athletes, these can be an amazing way to fuel with real food. I wouldn’t typically use them for shorter course athletes since the higher fat content doesn’t always mesh well with the intensity level. Most breakfast cereals are enriched with iron so they become an easy way to add extra iron to your diet.Īlso, if you’re an ultra-runner or long distance cyclist, these bad boys make a nice snack during training and events.

Cheerio cereal bars plus#

One thing I love about these peanut butter honey cheerio bars when it comes to active women: they’re a great source of iron! A lot of women, particularly in endurance sports, are at risk of falling short in iron intake. 1 cup butterscotch chips 1/2 cup light corn syrup 2 tablespoons unsalted butter, plus extra for greasing 1 teaspoon vanilla extract 5 cups Cheerios cereal. But if you prefer having the smaller 100-calorie squares – by all means, cut ‘em that way! 1/4 cup butter 10 oz mini marshmallows 1 box (11.1 oz) Cheerios Cereal Very Berry 1 package (1.2 oz) freeze-dried strawberries 1 bag (12 oz) white. It’s enough to feel indulgent and satisfying, but not so much that it seems like sugar overload. I tend to do the latter and make bigger ones, because the 200-calorie portion works well for me. You can cut 4×4 to make 16 total squares, or you can cut 3×3 for 9 bigger squares. Melt 4 tablespoons salted butter with 10. I figured it was probably pretty simple to recreate, and it was.Īll you have to do is heat up the coconut oil, peanut butter, and honey, then stir in some Cheerios and press it all into a baking dish. Pour 6 cups Chocolate Peanut Butter Cheerios cereal into a large mixing bowl. It clicked that a friend’s mom used to make Cheerio bars like these when I was a kid. (My kiddo was obsessed with them for a while, but in toddler fashion has boycotted them the last few weeks.) I was determined to find something to do with them today so they wouldn’t just sit up there and get stale. I’ve had a half-eaten box of Multigrain Cheerios sitting on top of the fridge for a while now. In fact, that’s how I decided to make these. 11 ounces cheerios, I used multi-grain with oat clusters 1/4 cup sliced almonds 2 tablespoons salted butter 6 ounces mini-marshmallows 1/2 teaspoon pure. You’ve probably already got everything you need lying around your house. They’re incredibly easy to make and have just four simple ingredients. I just made a batch of these peanut butter honey cheerio bars today to satisfy my sweet tooth. Something sweet and delicious and indulgent. I’m a firm believer in the 80/20 rule when it comes to nutrition – 80% nutritious choices, and 20% flexibility for some treats.īecause let’s be honest, sometimes you just want dessert. Ya’ll, we are real people who enjoy variety in our eating habits too! 😉 It makes me giggle when people assume that dietitians don’t eat dessert (or burgers, or pizza, or insert any other food here). Jump to Recipe Print Recipe These four ingredient peanut butter honey cheerio bars are a perfect portion controlled snack to satisfy your sweet tooth!

#Cheerio cereal bars

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sapphos-catpanions · 2 years

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i’m sure teenage girls know that eating disorders are unhealthy, but i feel like they don’t really know why. it’s not their fault: they don’t know because they haven’t been taught. they haven’t been taught because we just found out, and we just found out because, honestly, research into women’s health has been extremely lacking, historically.. women are just small, weak men with breasts and uteruses, right? WRONG.

every system, every organ, every cell in a woman’s body moves to a complex symphony of hormonal signaling that is circadian (cycling once a day), mensual (once a month), and seasonal (once a year). this beautiful dance is directed by the endocrine system, which consists of glands. the high chieftesses of these glands are the incredibly sensitive gonads, the ovaries.

these almond-sized glands are so delicate that they will go dormant at the first sign that the outside world may be a less than optimal environment in which to birth and raise a baby. and only now, in the last decade or so, are we finally starting to understand the devastation that is wrought on a developing girl’s health when this happens.

back in the 80’s, when endurance sports were starting to go mainstream, the saying among elite female endurance athletes was “if your period stops, you’re training enough.” those women are now at the tip of the spear of our emerging knowledge of the long term effects of the “female athlete triad”.

the female athlete triad consists of 1) not eating enough, 2) no menstrual cycle, and 3) low bone density. grouping them together like this is rather misleading, because it makes it sound like these symptoms can occur in any combination. the actual relationship is one of definitive and terrifying cause-and-effect.

when a teenage girl stops eating enough to fill her calorie needs, or deliberately exercises beyond her caloric intake, her ovaries receive signals that there’s a famine afoot, that the outside environment is a hostile place, and they shut down. they fucking shut down! can you imagine a male marathon runner saying “fellas, if your testicles still work, you’re not running enough”?

the ovaries are responsible for releasing estrogen, which most teenage girls probably know is responsible for menstruation, breast development and female fat distribution in puberty. what they probably don’t know, because nobody tells them, is that estrogen is also an incredibly powerful steroid that is the primary hormone, in both sexes, that is responsible for mineralizing growing bones. bones are rapidly expanding in volume during puberty, and if a girl’s estrogen is depleted because her ovaries are on strike, she won’t even be able to maintain the bone density she enjoyed in childhood (and her bones are supposed to be getting significantly denser as she grows!).

if she is ignorant of this, a talented and driven teenage female athlete will write off an estrogen crash with “well i didn’t really want periods, tits and hips anyway, they’d just slow me down”, not realizing that she is inducing permanent osteopenia in herself... because she can’t just remineralize her bones after she’s done growing. once she attains her full adult height and her growth plates fuse, that’s it!

the same women who, in the 80s/90s/00s, were saying “if your period stops, you’re training enough” now suffer from brittle bones. they get multiple compound fractures, shattered bones, just from tripping and falling on a hike. i know many such women. and this is irreversible.

we didn’t, and still don’t, know everything that the ovaries do. how irresponsible we were, to think we could just kneecap our most important glands, with no consequences.

i know some teenage girls follow me, and i want to say this: research nutritional requirements for girls your age, be vigilant about eating enough, and eating a variety of things. take responsibility for your health now: you will thank yourself in 10 years, when you can still stand up straight, when you can fall on a wet floor at work and just laugh it off and move on. you are the only one who has to live with yourself 24 hours a day, and you’ve got to keep yourself safe. you’ve got to.

#eating disorder

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donaweasley · 3 years

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What If

Pairing: Loki x Fem! Avenger! Reader

Plot:

A silly game of “What-Ifs” between two friends eventually leads to the realisation that the future, if spent together, may not be as bleak as they had anticipated it to be. A dialogue-based best friends-to-lovers cliché.

Warnings: Relationship angst, too many dialogues, long read, happy ending!!!

Read time: ~28 mins

Author's Note:

It's a long read with far more dialogues than can be deemed healthy. The reason is, I didn't want their arc to feel rushed. It had to be cooked slow. Another reason is that, I can't help hearing my characters, and it triggers a flood of dialogues! I'm trying to work on controlling it. 😬 Hope you enjoy!

Now has a sequel: Their Little Secret

“C’mon! You’re breaking the rules now,” Loki casually waved his hand at his best friend.

“I’m not. There’s nothing to answer really,” (Y/N) replied with a shrug.

“There must be something on your mind!”

She pretended to think for a second, and shook her head.

---------------------

It was a usual night in the compound. It was just another night when one of these two friends had called the other in the middle of the night for some midnight snack. It was just another of those happy times when they had tiptoed into the kitchen like thieves because...no, no one would mind some missing nachos or ice creams, but because it was fun!

It wasn’t easy for Loki to open up to someone, let alone to allow the other person in. Neither was it easy for (Y/N) to trust somebody, given her past, especially when that somebody was infamous for betraying almost everyone, at every step, not to mention his attempts at ruling Earth and causing massacre.

But time is a healer and a magician.

And here they were now, looking at the moon-washed night life through the west-facing glass wall, and playing a game of “what-ifs”. One would say that it was silly and immature; some would even call their talks gibberish. But when the night was so relaxed and carefree, why wouldn’t they be?

The pale yellow orb hovering above the western horizon cast a soft ray of light through the glass wall. Oblivious to its movements across the room, Loki and (Y/N) were wrapped in a thin blanket on a couch, their feet resting on two separate pouffes.

It had all started with a silly question, something like, “What if you weren’t stuck in this building tonight?”, or something along those lines; they didn’t even remember correctly anymore.

One question led to the other, and soon they found themselves tangled in a game of questions that would have been enough to create an alternate reality. But eventually, they found themselves, not answering with imaginary scenarios, but debating over one particular question:

“What if you find the love of your life tomorrow?”

This question was posed by Loki, rather theatrically, amidst the many others that had tossed different possibilities of their near future. And it was here that (Y/N) refused to play along anymore because, as she stated, it was “the most silly question ever”.

---------------------

“So, you claim that my question is even worse than your ‘What if you were a Jotun cat’? What kind of a question is that anyway?” Loki teased.

“Of course, it is. Undoubtedly!” With one wave of her hand, (Y/N) dismissed his appeal.

“And how is that even logical, may I know?”

“C’mon, this entire game is out of the boundaries of logic,” she claimed. “Your behaviour is like that of a cat. Don’t make that face; it brings you closer to being a cat. And...a Jotun cat sounds cool!”

Loki sighed. “And my question is ridiculous! If the game is beyond all reason, then...” he shrugged, “say something...weird, and move on!”

“Fine! If I-if... If I meet the love of my life tomorrow,...I’ll stab him. Or her. Or them. I don’t even know.” She huffed.

“Ouch!” Loki made a face, ”Didn’t see that coming. I would enjoy the stabbing part though. Thank the Norns, you never declared your feelings for me!”

She looked at him sideways with a stern face. Loki noticed the irritation simmering just beneath her skin, ready to burst out at the next prodding.

“Hey,” he placed a hand on her arm, “what happened? Was it something I said?”

She turned her face away. But Loki wasn’t giving up that easily.

“(Y/N),” he gently tugged at her arm, “look at me.”

When she finally turned towards him, he held her by the shoulders just to make sure that she couldn’t move away again.

“Now, you’ll tell me everything. What happened?” He inquired again. “I thought you were having fun.”

“It’s nothing Loki, it’s just that...you know I don’t like discussing my non-existent love-life. It’s...it kind of makes me...sad sometimes. Especially in a setting like this!” She waved her hands at her surroundings. “I mean, look at it, a full moon, a silent night, blankets and… It just leaves me with this reminder that I’ll be alone all my bloody life!”

Loki’s hands slowly retracted from her form and folded themselves on his chest. And just like that, they both found themselves staring out of the window.

“I’m sorry,” Loki’s voice audibly reflected the guilt that had formed within, “I never intended to...”

“No, you shouldn’t be. It’s...I overreacted. I’m sorry, Loki. I just ruined the mood. Shit! And it’s not my hormones, mind you!”

“I know,” Loki chuckled. “And you did not ruin anything. It’s natural to feel, isn’t it?”

She looked at him with a raised brow, “Somebody’s learning!”

“Somebody’s got a good teacher,” he smiled.

“Aww!! I love it when you acknowledge my awesomeness!” She wrapped an arm around him, pulling him in closer, and pinched his cheek.

“Ugh! Let go of me! Let...go!!”

The room was filled with (Y/N)’s cackles and Loki’s threats as he wriggled out of her grip.

“Do that one more time, and I’ll stab you!”

But it wasn’t enough to stop her chortles.

“Would you now?” she teased, and raised her hands again in a faux attempt at squeezing his cheeks.

He swatted them away.

“Stop it!” He warned again, only to emanate snorts from her.

But the next second, his voice changed into a compassionate one, “Why do you think you’ll be alone all your life? How old are you anyway? 80? 90? Isn’t that supposed to be old in human years?”

Once again her cheerful mood fled behind a thick curtain of annoyance. But this time she did not look away. She simply rolled her eyes, and pulled her legs from the pouffe to sit cross-legged, and shifted to face him.

“No, I’m not that old. But why are you suddenly so interested in this topic?”

“Because suddenly, you seem to have found an interest in getting annoyed.”

“Then don’t annoy me.”

“Not in my nature, I’m afraid.”

She couldn’t decide whether to hit him or laugh at him.

“Loki-” She curled her fists and shut her eyes.

“I’m listening, darling,” he smirked.

Of course, she knew how stubborn Loki could be!

Who else would know that better than me?

“Okay,” she placed her palms flat on her thighs, “the thing is...I can never make a relationship last more than two years. I waste my time trying to establish a...a proper, long-lasting relationship - something permanent - and end up with a heartbreak. Every. Fucking. Time. I’ve given up. I’ve had enough! Now, even if anyone makes a move, or if I’m interested in someone, I just remind myself that it’s not gonna work! I just don’t put any effort anymore.”

Loki hummed in response; his eyes were focused on her as if he was trying to decipher a mystery.

“And,” she continued, “given my current ‘job’,” she air-quoted the word, “I’m more sure than ever that no one will last more than two months now!”

Once she voiced the storm in her head, her eyes softened and she looked down at her lap. Through hooded eyes, she stole a guilty, fleeting glance at her friend, who seemed to be musing about something really serious. His eyes were strained on the carpet, while his chin rested on a fisted hand balancing itself on his thigh.

For a long moment neither said anything. Only the distant buzz of the sleepless city floated through the air and filled the room.

It was Loki who disrupted the silence with a long and heavy sigh.

“I knew that Midgardian men were impatient, narcissistic-”

“Look who’s talking,” she smirked as she interrupted him.

He gave her a quick deadpanned stare before resuming, “-imbeciles, but I was beginning to think that they have good tastes in women. It’s disappointing, not surprising though, that they have proven me wrong.”

A small laugh almost made its way to its escape, but she pushed it back. “You think so?” She quipped.

He shrugged, “From what you’ve said, there is no reason to think otherwise.”

She sat a little straighter. “Really? Do go on!”

Loki immediately noticed the effect that he had planned for. Without giving away the joy of his small triumph, he continued, “Indeed! Look at you! You’re an amazing woman! You’re brave, witty, independent...smart...excellent with knives! And that’s my favourite thing about you, by the way. ”

Feigning offence, she exclaimed, “And I thought your favourite thing about me was that I tolerate all your tantrums, and keep up with your shenanigans.”

“I don’t throw tantrums, darling,” he pushed the accusation away with his silky tone, “and don’t tell me that you take no pleasure in the havoc that we wreck together.”

At this, she could no longer suppress the evil grin that spread across her face, “I do love a bit of chaos. It’s fun.”

“To think of it,” Loki added excitedly, “had you been on Asgard, you might have been the Goddess of Chaos!”

“Oh! Thank you!” She replied with a dramatic wave of her hands.

Both laughed at the way their words were unfolding.

“Thank you, Loki,” (Y/N) said after their little whirlwind of laughter had calmed down, “I guess I needed to hear something nice about myself. It’s been a long, long time since I heard it.”

“I meant every word of it,” he replied in a solemn tone that made something flutter in her chest.

Was it gratitude? Was it joy? Was it love for her best friend?

It was hard to tell. It seemed to be everything at once.

She simply smiled at him. “Even the ‘Goddess of Chaos’ part?”

“Especially that part,” he asserted, and she laughed.

“You’re the best, Loki!” She gave him a half hug.

“That, I definitely am. But you’re not too shabby yourself. And you should never ever be sad for someone else’s failure.”

“Alright, I get what you’re trying to do here,” she landed a playful punch to his shoulder. “I’m fine! Really! I just got a little carried away.”

“No, I really mean it,” he tried to assure her. “You are one of the most magnificent women I have known! And mind you, I’m rather picky in these cases.”

She laughed, “Of course, I’d know that! ... Loki, it’s...it’s alright. Some people just don’t have it in them to sustain relationships no matter how wonderful they are. I’m okay with it.”

“Come on! A narcissistic God is showering you with genuine compliments! And you’re still not convinced that it’s not your fault but of all those who failed to keep up with you?”

She tried another attempt at convincing him, “It works both ways.”

“Norns! I can’t believe you’re so foolish!”

“Enlighten me, please,” she drawled.

“I believe I have already established the fact that you are phenomenal.”

When she giggled and nodded, he carried on.

“Good. Now, your job, as you put it, shouldn’t be a hindrance in your relationship. You’re doing the marvellous job of being a guardian to thousands of people. People you don’t even know! How many would put their necks out there to do it?”

“C’mon, Loki, when duty calls, you have to leave everything behind and just go! Who’d tolerate that for days? They will snap one day.”

“I’d never do that!” Realizing his mistake, he quickly corrected himself, “What I mean is, had I been in their place, I’d have never done that.”

“That’s because you’re on the team,” she argued. “So, it’s normal to you.”

“No, it’s not because I’m on the team. I’d-” He sighed. “Fine, why don’t you try finding someone from this field? Stark’s parties are a great place to hunt humans.”

“‘Hunt humans’?” She snorted, “I like the sound of that. Nay, haven’t found anyone. Besides, mixing professional and personal life can be fatal. You never know when your personal life might get jeopardised because of a mission gone wrong. Y’know, the usual blame-game and all. I hate all that!”

Loki brooded over her words for a few seconds before asking, “I don’t get it. Why would it be fatal? I mean, look at us,” he gestured in between them. “We have a perfect understanding. We’d never blame the other for any petty thing. Or-or let it affect our friendship.”

“That’s because we have the perfect understanding, Loki! You said it yourself. It’s a rare thing that we have. And I can’t expect it to be with anyone else. They’re not you, Loki.”

“They’re not us,” he corrected her.

Joy seeped through his senses as he watched her face brighten up at his words.

With a nod, she continued, “You see, all that spark, excitement, promises - these sound really great at the beginning. As time passes, as the real world pushes in, love moves to the backseat. Love is not enough. There comes a time when you have to balance everything together, and love becomes one of those things. It becomes a chore.”

“I’m sorry, I don’t follow you,” Loki stated with a frown. “That sounds so sad!”

“It is!”

“Well, it shouldn’t be! Loving you shouldn’t be a chore! Let’s say...hypothetically...if I’m in love with you, then you’d be my passion. And passions never become a duty, not even in the worst of times. Instead, they help us breathe when everything comes caving in. You’d be my...my moment of peace in a war. How could I not be tempted to embrace this beautiful moment?”

“Unfortunately, Loki, that’s not how it works. See, when you have a lot on your plate, say your job, your dreams, your daily life and all the pressure that comes with these, you’ll find less and less time for your loved one. Things get hectic and eventually frustrating. You won’t be able to keep that flame alive even if you want to. And one day, you’ll come to realize that you have distanced yourself from your moment, even if you never wanted to. But it’d be too late. There’d be no going back.”

“I’d never distance myself from you! I mean, from my moment. I’ve been a king, and I know how taxing royal duties can be. Sometimes, it seemed like a luxury to get even a minute to myself.”

“See? So, how could you have found time for me?”

“I would have, darling. Not plenty, but whatever little time I’d have gathered, I’d have made them memorable. For you. For us. And maybe we could have gone on long rides occasionally. Rekindle the old flames? Or-or we could have gone on visits to other realms...for political reasons, of course, but could have taken the opportunity to spend a small vacation with each other. What do you say?”

Painfully tempting images of a life that could have been floated in her eyes.

“And what if we came back to Earth, and I got involved in...say, a job that was all hectic and left me all frustrated, and with little time for you?” She shrugged.

With a sigh, Loki shifted to face her fully. “We will take care of each other, (Y/N). If one gets low, the other pulls both up. And I know that together, we can do anything! I believe in you more than I believe in myself.”

She smiled brightly as she acknowledged, “That is...that sounds doable, yes.”

“You’re special,” he placed a hand on her cheek, “and you need to be treated in the most special manner. One that befits my queen.”

A moment passed between them as they looked into each other's eyes, both seeing the same beautiful picture.

His queen!

My queen!!

Wait, what is he...?

Damn! What am I doing! What will she...!

Loki cleared his throat as he abruptly pulled his hand back to his side.

“I’m sorry, I...”

“No, it’s okay,” she cringed at the way the words squeaked out of her. Clearing her throat, she continued, “We were just giving examples.”

“Yes, just examples,” he agreed.

“It’s fine! I understand.”

“Great! It’d have been quite...awkward...otherwise.”

“Oh no! It’s...uh...totally fine. We’re best buddies!” She gave his arm a light punch.

“Right!” He nodded, and focused his gaze on the floor.

After taking a minute to calm his heart, he wore his witty persona back.

“See, having a relationship is not at all tough. All you need is a good partner. And I’ve proved myself right again! No, wait. There’s something you mortals do. It’s...uh...about throwing something...”

“Goblets? We don’t do that. It’s you-”

“No, not throwing, it’s about dropping something...after you have proven a point...”

“...Mic drop?” She chuckled.

His eyes lit up.

“Yes! ‘Mic drop’. So, as I was saying, all you need to have a happy and successful relationship is a good partner. Mic drop!” He concluded as he mimicked the action.

She sighed. “There’s just one tiny problem. I’d probably never find the right person. The ones that flirt with me, don’t understand me, and the ones that understand me have friendzoned me.”

“I’ve never friendzoned you,” Loki quickly replied with a frown. “J-Just clarifying...in case you were talking about me.”

“Of course, I’m talking about you, you big oaf!” She flicked his arm.

“Hey! You friendzoned me.”

“No…? It was you! Well, yeah, I never tried to flirt with you or anything but...anybody could see that you were being just my friend.”

“I can say the same about you,” Loki playfully accused.

“Whatever,” she shrugged.

A thought started playing in her mind. And a couple of seconds later, she decided to say it aloud, “I...umm...Just curious...y’know, don’t take it in any other way. Did you ever think of flirting with me?” She put forward each word very cautiously.

Loki furrowed his brows, and opened his mouth to reply, but before he could, she warned him, “Be honest!”

Immediately, his confident attitude changed into a helpless one. “Yes, I did. Maybe once. Or twice. But that was all! I assure you!”

She could hardly contain the amusement that was bubbling inside.

“What’s so funny about it?” Loki asked with furrowed brows.

“Nothing,” she shook her head as she tried to hold back her laughter, “nothing at all. It’s,” and then she lost it, “I’m sorry! It’s funny! I don’t know why, I find it funny hearing from you!”

“Look who’s laughing!” He said wryly. “I could clearly hear your thoughts the first few days after I stepped into this structure. Every compliment that your little mind cooed at my divine persona. And may I dare say that not all of them were decent.”

Her hysterics were long forgotten as her face went red at the comment.

“How dare you invade my mind?” Her hand had balled into a fist, ready to hit his arm when he caught it.

“I didn’t invade it, darling. You were practically shouting inside that pretty head of yours. I could have heard it from the other side of the planet!”

“That was a long time ago,” she refused to meet his eyes. “I make better choices and better decisions now.”

“Do you?”

She opened her mouth to speak but closed it without uttering a syllable, and crossed her arms.

Loki nudged her with his elbow. “Hey, it’s fun to tease you. Don’t be a spoilsport.”

“I hate you,” she peeked at him through the corner of her eye.

“What can I say,” Loki sighed. “Alright, if you say so.”

She smirked as she glanced at him sideways.

Loki cleared his throat in a not-so-subtle manner. “So, the next time Stark throws a party, I’ll find someone for you.”

Immediately, she face-palmed, and groaned, “No.”

“What?”

“Please drop this topic. And you’d probably find me a psychopath, anyway” She joked.

“That hurt!” Loki exclaimed with a hurt look masking his humour, “do you think so little of me? Can’t I find a proper partner for my best friend, my darling?”

“No, it didn’t hurt. Don’t fake it. I know you better than anyone.”

“No, you don’t. You-”

“I do. And...I’m fine, Loki” she reassured him, “being with myself, with the people here, being with you.” She gently bumped her knee into his.

“Will these be enough?” His tone had left the playfulness behind. “Will I be enough? For all your life?”

She shrugged, “I think so. You...stick with me all the time, you understand me, you...make me feel good. What more could I want to be happy?”

“You know what more you are missing. A friend can never touch the boundaries of what a lover can give you.”

“I don’t need a lover. Just be with me all my life, and I won’t need anyone else.”

He gave her hand a light squeeze. “I will. I promise.”

Her playful smile was back. “Thanks for all the pep talk, my dearest God. But turns out that I’m better off alone. Now can we please go back to the game? It’s my turn to ask you.”

“Alright,” he smiled back, “if you say so.”

“Stop saying that!” A defeated sigh left her. “You won’t be convinced, will you?”

“Probably not. Because I know that this will gnaw at you again a few days later. I know you’ll be sad again. And that I won’t allow on my watch.”

“God!”

“Right here, listening to you!” Loki quipped.

Rolling her eyes, she muttered, ”Damn you!” And proceeded to put forward a proper argument.

“The reason why I’m avoiding a new relationship is because I don’t want another heartache. I can’t handle breakups. That’s why I’m...”

When Loki didn’t make another attempt at dissuading her from her arguments, she added, “I just...try everything to avoid a heartbreak. Because when I get one, I lose control over myself.”

“Yes, I’ve seen. Once.”

“Then you must have noticed how vicious I become. Sarcasm drips from my mouth all the time, I say things that I shouldn’t, I...I hurt people. And in turn, I hurt myself. I yell at those who want nothing but good for me. But...”

“But being mean seems to be the only way to mask the pain,” he finished her line.

“It does, yes!”

She looked at him, and into his eyes that silently spoke of the pain that was resurfacing. She remembered something.

“You and I are so...alike!”

He nodded with a smile. “And maybe that is why we understand each other more than anyone ever could. … But we’re more than just being alike, if you think about it.”

She noticed how his voice gradually rose from its usual calmness to an excited tone, and his hands moved with his words.

Loki continued, “You point out my mistakes but don’t accuse me like everyone else does. You show me what’s right. And there’s this-this thing about you, which is so scary...the way you make me do all the things that you want. I-I mean, I am the God here! But you…a mortal...how can you have so much power over me?”

He sighed as his voice dropped to a compassionate tone, “You make me happy, (Y/N). You’ve taught me to forgive when I can, to forget what I can’t fix.”

“Don’t always do that,” she interrupted with a smirk.

His evil smile made a brief appearance before he resumed his warm note, “I like being with you. No...I love being with you! You make me feel good. You make me feel...I don’t know.... You make me feel…”

“Complete?”

“Yes!” He observed her, “You complete me.”

For yet another time, silence enveloped them. The only difference was that this time, it was comfortable. Even in their hushed moments, they could hear each other, know what the other wanted to say.

After a while of exchanging quiet stares, (Y/N) spoke, “All this time I believed, but now I know for myself, that you are indeed Silvertongue!”

Loki looked at his lap and laughed, but in the pale light of the setting moon, she noticed the pink that had crept up his ears and cheeks.

“I meant every word of what I said,” he reassured her once again that evening.

“I know, Loki.”

Loki watched her as she shifted to a kneeling position, and leaned towards him. He felt his face becoming hotter as she supported herself on his shoulder with one hand, and placed a soft kiss on his cheekbone.

As she settled back, her lips tingled with the memory of Loki’s skin on it.

They had been best friends, yes, but she had never allowed herself more than a quick hug because she knew that Loki wasn’t someone open to random touches. And she wanted to respect that. Always.

But this peck felt right. It felt necessary. And it felt...different.

What happened next wasn’t guided by logic anymore, but only by their senses.

Loki put his legs back on the pouffe, and scooted a little closer to (Y/N). Taking the cue, she shifted so that her leg was stretched out, and back on the pouffe - not on hers but his - and sat close to him. He arranged the blanket so that it covered them both again.

Another stretch of silence enveloped them. To them, the moment was beautiful. To Loki, who had never experienced anything similar before, it was precious. If he could stop time, he would have done it right then and there.

“Why haven’t you found anyone yet?” She asked him.

“Royalty has its disadvantages,” he replied without taking a moment to think.

She leaned back slightly to get a good look at his face, “Didn’t you ever find anyone from the royal...uh...what do you call it? Of royal blood?”

Loki laughed at her naivety. “Can’t say I didn’t. But none of them were the one. Besides, most people chose my handsome brother over me. And if anyone chose me, well, it was mostly because of my royal title. None of them were real.”

“That’s awful! I would never have done that to you! I’d have chosen you for the wonderful being that you are. But, I get it; happens on our planet, too.”

“Everywhere,” he asserted.

“So...who do you think is the one for you?”

He looked down at her face, which was mere inches away from his. For the first time in months of their friendship, he felt something swell inside his chest at the closeness.

“I still don’t know,” he whispered, “but I think the Norns might have started giving me clues.”

He didn’t need to explain, obviously. All the tension that had been building up throughout the night had placed them both on the same page.

Without thinking, Loki moved his wrist so that his palm was facing the ceiling. And instinctively, (Y/N) placed her hand in it, their fingers closing around each other.

"It's odd," she announced after a while.

"Indeed."

"It's weird. I mean, what were we even thinking!" She huffed, although she was still clutching his hand, as was he holding hers.

"Exactly what I was thinking. You and me?” Loki laughed nervously, “Come on!"

"Yeah!"

"Right".

Silence, their faithful companion for the night, visited them once again.

"Could it be? You and me?" Loki’s voice was a little more than a whisper, and bordered on the edge of confidence and doubt.

"Doesn't sound so bad. Not after all these... Talks?" She whispered back.

"Right!"

"Right."

And once again, they fell quiet.

The strangeness of the moment pushed them both into a whirlpool of thoughts. From acquaintances to partners to friends to best friends to...lovers?

Can this even be possible? What if it’s just a passing phase? What if everything goes back to normal tomorrow? Will we still be able to talk normally? But… This feels right. Just...right.

With a sigh, (Y/N) put her head on Loki’s shoulder.

"I don't want to rush into anything and ruin what we have," she confessed in a hushed tone, eyes staring into the night outside.

"Neither do I. You're the only one I have."

With a raised brow, she looked up at him.

"And Thor," he corrected himself with a small smile.

"Glad you remember him "

"Shut up.

Slowly, hesitantly, Loki put his free hand around her. Unsure of the appropriateness of the action, he kept his arm loosely hanging around her frame.

He waited for a while. Had Loki looked at her face, instead of looking straight ahead in fear, he would have noticed the small smile that had formed on her lips.

When she didn’t flinch or protest, he began to rest his arm properly but gently on her. He even went ahead and made the slightest possible effort to pull her closer to him.

The smile that had started forming on her now spread wide enough to turn into a grin. Its reflection was found on Loki’s face, too, who could finally muster the courage to look at her, although he was equally worried that she would be able to hear his heart trying to hammer its way out of his chest.

With every minute that passed, Loki became more baffled, for he couldn’t decide which moment he’d frame and hang on the wall of his heart as the most precious one.

"Are you feeling hot?" She asked without looking at him.

"A bit, yes. You, too?"

"Quite a bit, actually," she gulped.

"Is it normal?"

"I guess, yes. Totally! Had we been cool about it, it'd have meant that there's no spark between us. It’d have felt awkward, wrong."

"So, you agree that there's a spark between us?" He didn’t even attempt to hide the mischievous smirk that shone on his face.

"I had always suspected," she nodded.

"Hmm. When was the last time we went out for dinner?" He asked.

“Probably last month...or was it-”

(Y/N)’s head snapped up to look at him. She could barely put a lid on her excitement.

"Are you proposing to take me out on a date?"

"Well, if we are going to do this, then I'd like to court you properly."

She felt like she'd burst out of sheer excitement.

"If you'd agree to it, that is" Loki clarified.

Taking a large breath, she replied, "I'd love it."

The night was going better than either had expected. Who would have thought that a game of weird questions and a few confessions could change their lives!

(Y/N) put her head back on his shoulder, and let her body slump against him. He held her confidently this time.

“It still feels weird though,” she declared.

“It does, yes, but...maybe this is...right?” In a long time, Loki was hopeful about something, and he wasn’t going to let it slip away. No.

“I hope so.”

“Me, too.”

“Just so you know,” she sat up straight, “Thor is handsome, yes, but you are devilishly charming. You’re intelligent, well-read, witty, sarcastic, great at combat...uh...”

“Go on,” Loki smirked, earning a playful glare from her.

“You are,” she continued, “seductive! And who can resist a sorcerer who knows his way around everything!”

The evil smile that Loki had put away found its way back on his face. “As far as I remember, I did nothing to seduce you. I wonder what will happen if I try...”

“Shut up, Loki! You know I give away raw compliments. I didn’t really mean...I didn’t think...”

He laughed heartily at the furious way she was blushing.

“I was only pulling your leg. I had imagined you to be wise,” he clarified.

“I am! It’s just... I was...” She shook her head.

“So,” Loki resumed, “you think I’m devilishly charming?”

“Drop the topic, please!”

“You can’t resist my sorcery, ha?”

“Please change the topic! Forget what I said!!”

Loki laughed as he continued teasing her. It wasn’t going to be an easy ride, she realized, with the God of Mischief, but it was going to be the best ever!

“(Y/N)?”

“Hmm?”

“I know it was your turn to ask but, what if...you and I are indeed meant to be together?”

She smiled as she rubbed her cheek on his shirt, “I think we’ll have a gorgeous future together. And...I’d love that more than anything else.”

---------------------

The next morning...

“Morning, Wanda-”

“Shh! Shh!!” The red-haired witch silenced Natasha, and pointed towards the couch.

Curious, Natasha’s eyes followed the direction that Wanda’s finger was pointing at.

There, snuggled in a blanket, fast asleep, sat (Y/N) and Loki, their legs spread on a pouffe, tangled with each other’s. Loki’s arm was wrapped around her shoulder while she was holding his waist. Her head lay on his chest and his on hers.

“Aren’t they cute?” Wanda whispered.

Before Nat could reply, Tony’s voice cut the conversation.

“Who’s cute?”

This time, both the ladies shushed him, leaving a perplexed expression on his once sleepy face.

When they pointed towards the couch, Tony huffed, “These two! God knows what’s taking them so long to realise! They’re just so-” His face lit up. “Know what? I have an idea! I’ll make them confess. Who’s up for it?”

***

Now has a sequel: Their Little Secret

And...a song for keeping the feelings floating...💕

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