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ewanmitchelll · 5 months

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Imagine you go camping with Ewan Mitchell…

Warnings: explicit smut, friends to lovers, fluffy ending.

Recommendations: “Video Games” & “Ride” by Lana del Rey because of my Scorpio moon.

***

You have been his friend since you could remember. You two share a strong, timeless bond. Where he went, you’d follow. This hasn’t changed when he ascended as a celebrity star after starring as Aemond Targaryen on his latest work.

In fact, Ewan has been missing his long time best friend, his dear Y/Nickname. And because he’s been working too hard, he knows he needs a break. More importantly: he wants to have a break with you.

Coincidently, you are on vacations too when he reaches for you. Unlike him, you chose a more discreet job, one of the kind there is no glamour whatsoever. Teaching humanities is tiresome, exhausting, and not really well paid—but knowledge is a big passion of yours, so here you are in spite of yourself.

“Hey, Y/Nickname”, he calls you midday just after you left school, when you finally have a break from self entitled teenager students. “What’s up?”

You smile instinctively when hearing his low, husky voice. You pretend not to notice how your heart skips a beat.

“Hey, you! I can’t believe you are calling me after all this time!”, you laugh joyfully, hardly considering that Ewan is smiling on the line, enjoying the sound of your voice, missing the thunderous laughter of yours.

“What an unjust comparison, Y/Nickname. We’ve just spoken the other day after I came back from touring for “House Of The Dragon”.”, says he, chuckling low. “I happen to remember that you are on vacations, right?”

He could picture you making a grimace at his wording, something you just did.

“Well you can easily disappear, so one never knows”, you shrug your shoulders off. “Indeed I am. Why?”

“I’m considering kidnapping you this weekend”, he beams. “I do recollect being told of your fondness for countrysides. We should head to Bath, perhaps? There’s a region we could go camping, staying close to the nature.”

Your face lightens up at the suggestion.

“That is lovely of you! Who else do you plan to invite?”

“Uh… Well, I considered only the two of us since we always did this kind of stuff together”, Ewan speaks awkwardly, not realizing what he’d done. Not that he minds it, but he fears you might not correspond it.

You notice his awkwardness, displeased for being the cause of it. You don’t seem to perceive how eager you are in mending the situation.

“Of course! I just… Well. You were never really patient when it came to my slowness in climbing”, you make a joke in hopes to ease him, which works.

His laughters make your heart race, and you are at peace for fixing the situation. Neither of you are adolescents, prompted to foolishness, but there are moments where it feels like when you two were young and easily disconcerted by anything that could ruin the balance of the harmony.

"I promise I'm a better human being than last time", he chuckles, following the reference of when you both were 18 and went out for camping with a group of friends; there was a moment when you and him nearly got in a fight because he was too impatient and you were too slow.

"On that I agree otherwise we wouldn't be here", you joke back. "So when do you plan to go?"

"Tonight. I intend to drive all way, so the sooner the better."

You gasp in surprise. Not usually the one to act out of the blue, you are indeed caught off guard by Ewan’s typical unpredictability.

“What?”, you hear his chuckles. “You know I am not a very patient man. I’ll pick you up by 12 o’clock.”

There is no arguing, as usual doesn’t. He is your Achilles heal, you always knew that. So you turn off your phone and head back home for your first day off school.

***

When he stops by your household, he’s dressing casually with his usual smirk and sunglasses.

“Ready, sunshine?” He calls out after you.

You manage to bring only the sufficient for a week—three days camping and the next four in Ewan’s country house—so all you do is toss your backpack inside the car, before taking a seat next to him.

“I suppose I am, darling”, you flash him a smile. “How’s the celebrity chasing so far?”

Ewan rolls his eyes before starting to drive away.

“I detest what comes with being an actor, you know it. And honestly to God, what’s so interesting about me that makes people so eager to the point of trying to know who am I dating with…”

“And are you?”

Ewan looks at you, partially baffled, partially amused.

“What?”

“Are you in a relationship, Ewan?”, you try to use your poker face with him as you ask such a question, but it only brings you both to laughters.

“If I were, you’d be the first to know”, says he with a smile.

“I have my questions about that”, you respond with a tease.

“Come on, now. When have I ever kept you in the dark? You are always the first to know!”

And just like that your heart races. Dangerously fast. The moment you realize is…too late.

***

Ewan doesn’t realize he’s been watching you until you playfully scoff at him for his staring. Somehow your amused remark makes him blush and look away, making him say something silly in return.

Trying not to give attention to these incoherent thoughts, Ewan decides to focus on something else.

“You know what we should do?”, he hears you saying.

“Hm?”

“Swimming around a nearby lake. I bet there is one here if we look well”, you tell him.

“Sure, then. Why not?”

And he smiles when you smile for no reason at all. Quietly, you two go into the woods, looking for a spot where some lake can be found. It doesn’t really take this long—thanks to Ewan’s knowledge of the place and previous use of gps.

However, there is a subtle change in the dynamics of your friendship when both of you remove your clothes to jump in.

“Thankfully I came prepared, already dressed in swim suits”, you are saying before jumping in the cold water.

Ewan chuckles lightly, wearing only his shorts before following you. Once you come after surface, he swims right to you.

“It’s been a while”, he muses, “since we’ve had this time together.”

“It’s true”, you say, unsure why you feel nervous for his proximity, wishing somehow he gets closer to you.

Oh.

“So how’s school? I want to hear more of you, Y/N”,he swims around you. “Do you plan to run away from me?”

You feel like a prey about to fall into the hunter’s prey, but in such a good way. You smile warmly at him.

“My life is hardly as interesting as yours is”, you say. “I love what I do, but I’m glad I’m on vacations.”

“Aren’t we all? But don’t say that, you are interesting. You are human.” He stops swimming to stand before you.

Neither you realize that, in this brief silence, clouds are already dismissing any ray of light in the sky, little by little taking over the space—ready to bring some rain.

“But I’m not as glamorous as your work colleagues”, your insecurity takes the best of you.

His hands are now resting on your waist, slowly pulling you closer. You put yours over his shoulder, playing with his wet hair.

“Fuck them”, he smiles when seeing you smile at his words. “You’ve always been my favourite person in the world, Y/Nickname.”

Your heart races and you blush; but the moment you look away is when he gently makes you look back at him, is also when it starts to rain.

“There’s a reason I have always wanted you nearby”, he whispers as you are drawn closer. “But I was too scared to face the truth.”

Your eyes are wide open at his subtle confession. You gently cup his face with your hands, realizing what you sought to dismiss in this time. Both of you are surprised when you say those words first.

“I love you”.

“I love you too, Y/Nickname”, he smiles in relief before finally pressing his lips against yours in a most passionate kiss.

The rain drops in your skin are much more welcoming as you are tangled against Ewan’s back, peppering kisses around his neck as he swims with you around the lake. It’s a cozy, chilly weather, most appropriated for your taste.

When he pulls you at him again, you realize how late you noticed the deep tons of your love for him.

“You are staring”, Ewan accuses you playfully.

“I am”, you giggle. “I was merely thinking…”

“About?”

“You”.

“Oh.”

You throw your hands around his neck as if you fear to lose him, but his hands embrace you all the same.

“I took too long to notice I love you”, you whisper in his ear, resting your head in his shoulder.

He doesn’t meet your gaze, but you spot a week blush painting his cheeks.

“So did I”, he admits after a while. “I thought you would never return my sentiments.”

“How so?”, you ask, amused.

He casts you a side way glance.

“Because of that jerk you dated”, he snorts.

“Only because you wouldn’t give me enough attention”, you tease him.

Rolling his eyes, he pulls you to him again. Stroking your face gently, he smirks:

“Really now, Y/N?”

And without waiting for a response, Ewan’s lips collide against yours.

***

You are already dressed in a white shirt and black shorts. Today it’s warmer than the day before, even though you and Ewan burnt your marshmallows on fire.

Now you are lying on your sleeping bag, eyes on your now boyfriend. Believing you to be asleep—since you stopped bubbling—, he is removing his clothes, prompted to sleep.

Your eyes watch as he changes his clothes, taking a peek at his well build muscles. You feel so suddenly a discomfort in your feminine parts, rising to your chest and making your nipples go hard.

You haven’t been familiar with this sentiment for a very long time—you are not one for casual sex, so you learned to repress your horny thoughts. Such is your thinking when Ewan surprises you.

“So you have been watching, eh?”, he chuckles, sliding to your sleeping bag. “Looks like the two of us fits here just fine.”

You blush deeply at his remark.

“I…I may have been watching, yes.”

Ewan chuckles, slowly moving closer to you. His hand on your waist makes you unconsciously gasp. He raises an eyebrow at you.

“Is my girl well?”

“Yes, she is”, you mumble awkwardly.

Aware of what might that be, he laughs quietly before cupping your face and kissing you slowly at first.

Your defenses are instantly melted. He is now over you, hands on your face before sliding to your waist. You gently spread your legs, giving him enough space so it’s comfortable for you two.

Your hands move to his shoulders up to his neck and hair, wrapping your fingers around his locks. But when he parts the kiss to slide his lips to your neck, you cannot help but to breath heavily.

“You haven’t been treated well”, Ewan muses softly, gently biting your neck as his hands go right under your shirt. “My darling, I’ve been waiting for this, when I can show you how well treated you should be.”

“Ewan”, you whimper against his lips, already wrapping your legs around his hips.

“Yes?”, he looks at you, hands upper to your shirt. “You think I’d not notice what were you wearing today? That I would not desire your full breasts?”

Your face reddens at his words. The same unbearable heat comes again, but this time Ewan is there to help ease things. He smirks down at you as he begins to stroke your nipples.

“I noticed so damn well, love”, he groans as you begin to react under his sweet touch. “I’ve always wanted you.”

You gasp again, lifting your arms as he removes your shirt. Zipping your sleeping bag, he makes sure it gets comfortable as his eager mouth drops to your breasts.

“Fuck, Ewan!”, you cry out.

“I will definitely do that, my sweet”, he smirks down at you, taking his time with you.

Not long after that, his impatient fingers find the way to your feminine core.

“Hmm, so damn wet for me, Y/N”, he whispers hotly against your ear. “Are you mine?”

He knows you like him bossy. Little surprise there is when you succumb so easily.

“Yes, Ewan. I am yours”, you moan sensually, arousing him further.

Finally mending the years of sexual tension, Ewan makes up for it. That night, as his body locks with yours, all has been worth it. And all has been consumed.

* * *

When you wake up the next day, you almost panic for not seeing him around. Quickly you put your clothes on, but there is no need to look for him as he walks inside with a basket with fishes.

“What? You’d really think I left you here? Who do you think I am?”, he snorts playfully as he bends to kiss your temple. “Got us some nice fish”.

You smile at him, warmly so as you follow him outside. Although it’s midday, fire is lighted and he prepares to cook fish as you take a seat.

“I have my insecurities.”

Ewan casts you a quickly glance.

“I should have known better, I’m sorry, love. I figured you’d sleep well after midday.”

“Riding you does require some energy”, you speak mischievously, pleased to make him blush.

“Hence why you slept better then?”

You two share a laughter, before you rest your forehead against his shoulder.

“Is this a dream?”

“No”. Ewan puts the fish aside to look at you. There is tenderness in his eyes when he says: “I’ll stay with you forever…if you allow me.”

You beam at him, clinging onto Ewan tighter.

“Yes, my dearest.”

He rests his forehead against yours. Never before there had been peace for you both. And just like he promised, he stayed in your life forever indeed.

#ewan mitchell #Ewan Mitchell smut #Ewan Mitchell x female reader #Ewan Mitchell x y/n #Ewan Mitchell fic

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sugar-petals · 3 years

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♡ physical affection; levi

↳ NOTE. characterizing boyfriend levi, my passion project lmao! with some sexy moments included 👀

WORDS. ⇢ 7k

tags / warnings. ⚠️ smut, fluff, soft sub!levi x female reader, hurt/comfort hc, angst, shower sex, blowjobs + handjobs + boobjobs (yep. spoiling the captain), face-sitting, protected sex, soap kink, season 3-4 setting, no manga spoilers

Ready for a surprise? It’s not really about what kind of skinship he’s extremely selective about and what not. This is only something people would perceive about him at first glance. Instead, it comes down to how emotionally sheltered he feels. Because of his experiences, that predicates everything else. Which is why Levi’s sexuality is as complex as it is.

But also, in its sudden perfect expression once a person gives him a different perspective: That’s the time when he is touchier. The more in private, the better. The lights down low, with only a candle or two shining from another room. Broad daylight brings the harsh truths and the shaking ground. Nighttime is when Levi feels more intimate and open to caress, down his back and arms, the shoulders, the side of his neck. Done with extreme gentleness, and all of your deep respect.

If you offer him an environment of trust, Levi is open to almost anything and would even magically doze off in your arms for a little while. Breathing softly, resting for the first time in weeks, the brows becoming less tense the deeper he sleeps. You asking if you can stroke his hair (carefully, not messing it up or anything) is something he can’t say no to. The closet romantic in him will fulfill you any reasonable wish as soon as you’d ask anyway.

We know how receptive the captain is to a request, and how much there can be a soft spot for somebody in his heart. If you’re forward enough to just ask, Levi sets himself that goal and opens up. He is diligent with it just as you’d expect. That especially includes the things he says are „absolute horseshit nonsense“ and „disgusting, useless activities“ when reacting to newly formed couples kissing in the survey corps at the other end of the room. Is he a hypocrite and a hater? Actually— not at all.

Levi is a raised rather than born skeptic. Between courage and care, he is always gonna be torn. Both didn’t work in his favor at some point. But at the end of the day, he fears recklessness more than being cautious. Looking at these couples, he knows that they could lose each other the very next day. Or hell, the next hour. Not everybody has 200 titan kills.

Not everybody is a physically indestructible Ackerman destined and designed to escape death and outlive others whether they want it or not. And showing themselves this vulnerable out in the open is even more dangerous considering all the political intrigues, chaos, attacks, and espionage going on.

When he’s scoffing at skinship in the survey corps, it’s not his intent to ruin the couples and their little happiness in the present moment (nothing he sees as more tragically precious), or say only he can have a relationship because he’s strong enough to make it survive. If anything, Levi is the prime example of how all his connections were doomed exactly because of his status pulling in all the danger. He very well and painfully knows.

What I mean is: He sees the brutality of consequences that can create more misery than if two people would just go about their business. Levi already dreads that the same might happen to him. But after all, the behavior of others is easier to rectify than his own undeniable feelings for you. Which he cannot control in any way, which is why he reacts to others instead. Looking at other people holding hands, he’s also afraid how dabbling in love is a distraction from threats that can even backfire on uninvolved others if someone is suddenly in harm’s way.

Levi does associate physical touch with something that takes an otherwise observing mind off when it shouldn’t be. To him, it creates something so valuable that can become an unintended burden through all kinds of circumstances, he’s seen it all, it’s terrible he had to. And the reason why he has such a torn relationship with it. You really have to know your stuff to build a resilient little bubble where Levi is not constantly hypervigilant and either past- or future-focused.

Which is pretty damn hardwired into him. It’s almost impossible to bring on that kind of atmosphere spontaneously. It has to be ritualized. His intelligence comes with the downside of overthinking and having problems with spontaneous romance, it’s good to direct his thought into something that’s always done in a specific, structured way. You sit down with tea, put the candles on, Levi finishes cleaning his weapons, makes everything combat-ready and usable in seconds, and you carefully lay down on his impeccably made bed together.

Which he never uses, Levi sleeps in chairs. Or on the ground, so he can feel any titan steps in the distance with his whole body, using the cleanest possible mat or towel as a mattress and nothing else. The bed he basically just makes to have it neat, and for you, and to have a spot to lay together.

But yeah. He will never remove his harness. Not even when you’re sleeping with each other. He’s not once gonna risk having to put it on in a hurry. The only time you will be skin to skin with him is for not even five minutes under the shower. It’s when his cleanliness beats his anxiety around being always ready, which is why that’s a time to fully cherish.

And then, he really has no qualms about you wrapping your hands around his soap-covered torso in the shower anyway. It’s the only time his inner default germaphobe is not vehemently screaming inside his already heavy heart. It doesn’t have anything to do with you, this is about his demons only, confronted with the immense relief you give him. If the latter wins over his mind’s struggle, Levi might draw out the shower time sometimes.

The other voice that tells him ‚don’t make it end so soon’ is now finally convincing him. He will dial down the water stream so he can hear what’s going on outside better to compensate, to know if there’s any ruckus or approaching hazards. Levi has instructed a fast runner among the cadets to bang on the front door under any critical circumstances immediately in the first place.

Levi says he wants to save water, too. He won’t admit it, but he also turns the showerhead to a medium pressure to hear your calm, almost-quiet moans — the barracks have terribly thin walls — better when you’re sucking him off. Slowly, smoothly, not too much spit. Folded towel under your knees because Levi insists, and he is right. The showers in the survey corps have uncomfortable floor tiles.

He makes sure you won’t get soap in your mouth as well, I don’t have to tell you that he is very circumspect. Levi isn’t usually feeling overly heated in moments like this, but he gets hard and releases fast. You swear his cum tastes like afternoon tea with milk but you won’t tell him that. And who doesn’t like tea and Levi’s homemade milk, no complaints alright.

What’s still a shame is that Levi, always being in such a constant hurry and alertness, puts too much stress on his body for him to become horny all the way. In fact, he often forgets it. He feels numb, and can’t fully take in the sensations. Levi has not been able to feel a lot of genuine pleasure in his life.

A racing mind is an absolute sex killer, and his adrenaline spikes are so high in combat that most normal things don’t do anything for him. Which is why he brews his tea extra strong. But seriously: It’s a concerning thing. And it tells you to take your time. With his whole body, doing the things he loves the most. And what else could that be? It’s straightforward: Keepin’ it clean.

You make sure that Levi feels extra comfortable by thoroughly massaging his loins and thighs with a sponge during foreplay. Yes, you’re gently working him up. All in circles and light brushing motions. Lots of soap. Suave and bubbly, like silk on his skin. It’s handmade, with oat milk, lavender, and honey. For your honey. You regularly gift a new one to him to try out scents and have supply. You can guess how much Levi appreciates it, to the moon and back in fact. The present box is neatly stored on his office table where he can always see it.

Sending out its balmy fragrance throughout the day, making the room smell amazingly aromatic to him. His nose will never grow tired or accustomed to it. Levi puts the soapbox in a drawer within literal split seconds when someone who isn’t you enters the room. „Tsk, announce yourself when you knock…“ That could even be the newest recruit who doesn’t know anything at all about the place and people. But this is just a you and him thing.

Levi doesn’t want nosy questions from the squad even though nobody would probably even notice the soap laying there in its case, much less ask him about it or the fresh scent in the air because duh, it’s Levi’s office. But it feels absolutely personal for him — so he reacts sensitively about it. This man would probably protect your lavender soap with his blades if he had to.

The captain is very secretive about your relationship in general. Who on earth would go as far as buy him a new scented bar of joy bi-weekly? At this point, he would crawl on hot coals, needles, lava, ice shards, desert sand, and a mile-long straight of legos (laid out by a maniacally laughing Zeke personally) for you.

Although you wouldn’t allow any of it. Nothing should ever hurt those kitty paws, I mean captain hands and captain feet. You’d put Zeke on blast on your own, luring him with a banana to confuse his senses and then, whack, homerun the monkey into the ocean with Levi’s bristle broom. Problem solved. Anyway.

Levi wouldn’t hurt himself willingly that way either, the ice shards don’t stand a chance. He has sworn to protect his own life out of self-respect, to honor those passed by living on bravely toward the goal they worked for and being the one always coming home to you. You can rely on him.

So enough about gleaming hot coals and Zeke’s evil legos, back to the point — you already get what I mean. Levi might seem totally grumpy on the outside, but for sure is a devoted man, a caliber as always. He takes all of your presents to heart and is unbelieving as to why he’d be deserving of so much. You prove a point using the gifts as regularly as possible on his body. Where he can feel every bit of your fondness of him. And remember it with muscle memory. Oh shit, this soap does smell so good. As anything on him, who are we kidding.

Dousing Levi with all your attention is the best thing ever. He feels great relaxing with you, and his face softens up. He’s looking at you with a tiny smile in response to you whispering sweet things to him, all while you’re using the sponge on his legs, the chest, and ever-tense back that can definitely use some alleviation. „Thank you for cleaning me“ has got to be the best thing ever to hear from Levi Ackerman. It means the entire world to him. Captain, your mommy kink is showing. His arousal increasing is a natural side effect in no time.

Recently, you’ve been slipping his cock between your breasts as well, and it’s been slowing him down a lot after an eventful mission. While at the same time making him more in the moment, he really enjoys you gradually lathering him up like that. The feeling of skin on skin is amazing. It might be something that… often crosses his mind when he trains during the day, but he can blend it out for the important things. Until you do it all over again, and he ruminates about how much you turn him on until the sun rises.

You also never do a blowjob hands-free. Why would you, anyway? His body is amazingly buff and compact, you want to hold onto those gorgeous lil’ hips and his own hands that need a fair share of holding after carrying the world. You feel him twitching on your tongue when you run either hand over his ass and abs, making sure to trace across all his most erogenous spots there. What’s more: Levi feels really protected and soothed when he feels your palms on him under the streaming water, he can’t explain it.

That's why you like doing shower handjobs just as much. I don’t have to tell you that Levi really delights in them as well and his poker face regularly cracks a bit. His eyes fixate on you, you can tell the connection and involvement. He thinks your fingertips are heavenly, a welcome change to his rugged days.

He loves how softly they tease and stimulate him with the smallest movements and subtle presses. Yes, Levi doesn’t like rough action, those are vulnerable moments. He has enough brutality elsewhere, violently jerking him off and insulting him would be entirely inappropriate and even scare him.

He’d probably brush your wrists off right away, it’d be so uncomfortable in the silence of the evening. A tender chain of kisses on the nose tip, chin, collar bone, and especially forehead gets him going a lot more. The more chaste and doting the kiss, the more he melts on the inside.

His anxiety baseline goes down, and he feels like he can let you in. However you guide him and however you choose to indulge him with your lips, Levi is on board, quietly enjoying. Since it’s something that he’s still feeling so new to, leaving you the active role comes naturally.

Stroking him with a deep pace, carefully brushing your lips against his to give him goosebumps — Levi definitely grows into that. In those moments, he really feels taken care of, in safe hands, hands that will stay with him. He’s gonna be surprised just how good something like this feels many times. And be overwhelmed by pleasure to the point where it almost frightens him, he didn’t have that a lot until now.

The satisfaction of a spotless table simply does not compare. Just so you know: He will either be dead silent or mumble under his breath nonstop. That he is okay with you touching him below the belt and even take him in your mouth tells you how much Levi trusts you, how much he knows you love him, and how meticulously he’s already scrubbed and shaved himself beforehand. Yes, the sheer preparation. He puts a lot of work into his body. He couldn’t stand you becoming dirty.

That’s also why the shower is the place oral goes down. And even there, he uses like ten cleaning products to double rinse the stall and himself before and after. Mind you. He sees you eating healthy, brushing your teeth well. Your lips are very beautiful and a masterpiece of nature to him. So it’s not you who he thinks is dirty. Levi is pretty damn paranoid about his own skin and hygiene. If only he would think about himself the way he thinks of your body.

He feels like he has to earn it, be acceptable, and prepare himself endlessly to enjoy touch. Even then, he thinks he must be ugly and revolting. You have to respect him fussing about it rather than forcing him to cut down on his routines. You don’t criticize his perfectionism and see the motivation behind it. So instead, you reassure Levi your own way.

The more he sees you having fun and enjoying his body, the more accepted, confident, and clean he feels. Most people would like to see their partner play up the enthusiasm obviously (unless you have a ‚hiding his amazement’ emo boy kink, which is exactly why you like Levi don’t cha), but it’s particularly meaningful to Levi. Guess why he looks up to Armin’s mentality, and Hange is one of the few people who truly vibe with Levi.

She’s easily amused, dedicated, swooning, excited, and constantly eager. Levi does appreciate a bit of zeal in someone. If you’re a little ardent about touching him, it’ll give his esteem a boost he’s long needed, oh god. Nobody has the guts to praise this guy like that, even if he’s so extremely good-looking. Don’t let him off the hook there. Give him feedback, you’ll be surprised how much it resonates.

It’s already apparent to yourself how keen you are being touchy with him, hell, you’re so in love. Still, it’s a good idea to give him an idea how stoked you are. He doesn’t like it fast and brutally raw without a second thought, but passionate is a whole other debate. A simple „Levi, stay like this, let me do it“ or „Levi, you smell so good“ works wonders. Say what you think and his ease will set in. And I don’t have to tell you that you won’t look like sex is a chore anyway. With Levi, that’s an honor and a pleasure.

That he puts his faith in you and gives you his time is already a massive deal and goes against everything we know of him, what he’s used to, and how his avoidant personality works, being so ridden with losses. And it’s all because of how much you desire and approach him. That’s what it comes down to.

Even if he’d suffer decades from yearning, he’d not go out of his way to kickstart something, never ever. He’d feel like he’d cause you so much trouble. You wanting him so badly and treating his body like a treasure on the other hand changes his mind.

It proves him wrong all the way. There is still time to enjoy love, the chance is now. Anything else would plague Levi with solitude and self-pity all over again. And the feeling of missing you around in his rooms. Two teacups on the table until he grows old and grey are his ideal of a good life, after all. He will open himself to your emotional and physical presence, realizing how touch-starved he is, and how much it improves his life to have someone to kiss and lay down next to at night.

The even breath at the back of his neck gives him a sense of finally someone sticking around with him side by side, even if he’s gone during the day. It feels good and right to be wanted by you, and nuzzling his face into your cotton dress. Your commitment gives him the little smiles and the silver lining he’s been searching for. He can’t label that feeling, but it’s joy of life and humankind, more than just a willingness for it. He would stay forever pained and bitter if he wouldn’t invite it in now, and you won’t waste that chance with being silent.

You’re attracted to everything about him, tell him, make him aware. The voice, the hair, the mannerisms, his height, his abilities, his mind, his care for others, the posture, how soft his cheeks are, the list is endless. Levi won’t miss how much he’s your type at some point. Which gives him a lot of ease, comfort. You show him that his inferiority complex was an entire smokescreen in his mind.

He fucking deserves to be called handsome. And by the way — you can lust over him as much as you want when he’s made that time window for your couple stuff. It’s good if you make it as obvious as possible for him. Which is hard to hide anyway. You’ve been masturbating over Levi just sitting there sternly writing something. And he’s like why, and you’re like, it’s you! Look at you!

Levi does want you to touch his skin all over but it’s always sore. And he remains insecure on many days. So he only has particular comfortable spots in the first place. Since hardly anybody dares to touch him, and even if he pats someone’s shoulder nobody would ever be courageous enough to reciprocate, you would feel a bit like a lab scientist. Silently theorizing over him at first even if you really don’t have to. Other people say they’d rather run towards a titan than expose themselves to Levi’s moods, swords, and barking tone after trying to caress him in any way.

News flash, Levi has had such terrible moods since forever because there’s no affection coming to him from anywhere just because people decided he might not need it. And no, he won’t yell at you for touching. He finds it very sweet of you instead. Touching Levi always creates an occasion that will float around in his head for the entire day, that’s guaranteed. He sees how someone goes out of their way and cares for his well-being. He might not like it like standing in the middle of the whole corps, but anywhere else is fair game, at home anyway.

The pressure of dealing with threats he can manage to a degree, and he has lord how many coping strategies. The lack of love he cannot. Big difference that everybody seems to confuse. On top of how he has to be unrelenting in his position because battlefield and the Yeagers being a pain. Most people — except maybe Armin — see that as a closedness to touching altogether.

The whole world seemingly can't intuit Levi’s craving of gentleness behind the arguably pretty convincing armor, but still. It seems like only a few souls ever think about the Levi that sits down on his bed in the evening completely depleted. You have to make it clear to yourself and him that it’s obviously a one-dimensional way of looking at Levi Ackerman and not good for him.

Which has covertly shaped how he interacts with others in return like a vicious spiral, which is why he blames solely himself for his depravation. And, how severe and untouchable the circumstances made his character. Yes, Levi despises himself for being inaccessible and unable to change it on top, added to how it happened to him over the years.

Which he had pretty much zero influence on being basically at the gunpoint of life. It’s what you hate seeing the most and comfort him about with brewing tea. It definitely comes back tenfold, Levi won’t take it for granted when you brush out his hair and speak soothingly to him in the evening. „I don’t care, those are all reasons why you’re the apple of my eye“ seems to be what makes Levi’s heart a little mushy in particular.

He is very preoccupied with blame at the start of your relationship. Levi is torn apart by daily guilt and a constantly looming perception of failure to show an opening to his heart. He also crumbles under how the majority of people don’t take him seriously, overreact, or fear he snaps back into soldier mode — he doesn’t — when he does show affection.

That you gaze behind his reputation and touch him without prejudice is the most important thing to him. You can ignore his mad and gloomy expression, Paradis has carved it into his face for half an eternity (the other half is for you and him when this is over). It doesn’t mean he’s angry on the inside about you. The causes for his madness are way elsewhere, knowing his early story it goes without saying. What made Levi callous and broken-hearted are things very opposite to you.

Those who only see and enjoy his fighting personality probably want him as their poster boy, people who are reflected enough to bother with the idea of a private, cuddling Levi are the only truly caring ones. Because private Levi needs that physical and emotional connection the most. Patting his cadets on their heads is only a little, albeit meaningful moment. The teacup is still half-empty regardless if you wanna think of it in those terms.

Because he can only do so much in terms of initiative — which already shocks people to the point of paralysis, which ruins the moment since he assumes it’s not appreciated then — and it’s only one-sided. Giving isn’t fully making him happy even if it’s his only option given how most people perceive him.

The teacup only fills to the brim if Levi can let go for like half an hour getting some good ole kitty on your lap treatment. He silently lays there and enjoys your hand rubbing at the back of his neck. He looks genuinely peaceful that way. His hand palms gently at your thigh and knee, and rests there all tranquil while he ruminates about his day and how lucky he is to have you.

The whole ‚theorzing rather than going for it‘ thing stems from you listening to those people a bit too much at the beginning. Instead of asking Levi directly about touch, and to be fair: Not a single human being has done that yet, you try to figure him out at a distance. Which is also a good thing though.

You learn about many Levi habits others would overlook, misinterpret, or don’t think have any meaning. The more you learn about him, the more understanding you become, the more protective you will be, the less he will avoid intimacy. Because Levi really doesn’t want to shy away, but often his body has too much memory in it to be instantly receptive. So it rather starts with the mind, then.

The irony is. Levi rejecting bonds with others as not to have them weigh heavy on his mind when fighting will only make it worse. You make a statement to him that if he fully immerses himself in what you have, he can fight better and actually be without those godforsaken regrets he’s always talking about. That’s why when you’re having sex, you make him look in your eyes and kiss their lids, and wrap your legs around him very firmly because Levi has to know he’s deeply yours.

Hugs, the same thing. You squeeze the last curse out of him every time and tell him to hold you tight as well. You do have to tell him twice. Just because Levi is the strongest man in history, doesn’t mean he embraces very roughly. In fact, Levi is not used to this at all. Even more irony. Paradis’ ever-swearing, most badass titan killer with the physical excellence of a hundred acrobats can’t execute the simple act of putting his arms around you in a normal, casual way.

The why is the harder thing to talk about. Last time he got proper, truly loving hugs was way over 20 years ago. From Kuchel, during a time where he was too young to remember these things long-term. Let that sink in. It confuses him when he does it and even more so when others do. Kissing Historia’s hand even as a light official gesture was already completely unusual for him and a first time.

Levi doesn’t go beyond what he sees others doing in that regard. No extra miles, just imitating. Now think of him with something as big a deal as embracing his lover for minutes. He lets his arms just hang there and you gotta make him learn how to intertwine fingers or how to press his palms on your back. You’re the one holding him tight there, while Levi’s mind and stare go blank, he’s even more speechless and perplexed after confronting his uncle back then.

I’m not kidding. You have to ask Levi to be forthcoming with those things as well, it simply does not occur to him, and he’s unsure about everything there is to it. What a loveless world this guy is in. If it already frustrates you to see him struggle, imagine how deprived he must be. One of his inner blocks is, Levi has major jealousy of guys who are what he thinks a better hugging height. It’s obviously the other way around to anybody who’d be in love with Levi.

Of course he has the best hugging height by far. What’s not to like? He’s ideal. But in his perspective, imagine all these people above him wrapping around each other in moments of enthusiasm, shoulder-level on shoulder-level, or only with slight differences. And when it comes to him, it feels awkward because they feel strange bending down only for him and Armin.

And that’s probably the issue. Because it’s much better not to bend and try and intertwine, but just have Levi bury his face into your winter coat without a hassle. You don’t have to be perfectly chest to chest to make it work. Besides… romantic hugs are always a bit different. And, you invite Levi to do exactly that with you. Since Levi’s pet peeve is politeness, you’ll also have to show him the difference between mere courtesy and love, he hasn’t fully learned it either.

But just so you know. Levi is not a naive baby or raging bull in a china shop once he has given his love to someone. He observes well, adapts well. When it’s heartfelt, when it’s the right moment, it comes out almost by surprise, he’s feeling it and he will respond to you. With serenity and intent.

If there’s someone who can be unpretentious with physicality, that’s him. He just has to transfer that to romantic gestures and Levi will be the perfect lover after some time. He’ll end up like, „Eh, so what. We do this hugging thing!“ — Hilarious. Levi, knowing his battle tactics, does have a sort of innate courage to approach bodies: This time, it’s about someone he wants to give pleasure and gratitude to, though. Which will feel very different.

And you’re a lady he’s all whipped for, that changes everything. He might sort of try to lean at the wall next to you, to murmur about you kissing him after eating cake so he’s full of crumbs „and now I have to dust it all off again, hmph“, but he is not prepared for another kiss and you tickling him pinned against the wall (he’s not ticklish, but you still love it, and Levi has a thing for you being all over him despite his stoic face).

So yeah, Levi will be super grumpy and do the „Oi oi!“ thing, but also turn around so you won’t see the blush. Man, is he embarrassed. He will try to waddle away awkwardly to do paperwork, but no chance if you tug him back by the sleeve, dust off his shirt from crumbs, and squeeze his cheeks into a perfect Levi snoot. I’m telling you, he has a nice pouty face.

He might assume that you’re out of your mind because nobody has done that with him yet, but once you tell him that you just wanna look at him because every day might be the last, he sees the point of your antics. Merely saying you kiss him just because won’t make sense to the captain, it’s gotta have a purpose for the future.

So, you will tell him to always remember what your soothing lips do on him before he draws the blade tomorrow, and that he has plenty of filthy crumbs to come home to. „I think that’s right by what we’ve seen today“ is what he’ll admit, and carries you off to the bed to get grinding because all that stuff made him kinda turned on. Or rather, you grind, Levi on the other hand gets flustered. He complains about you being a tease at length since he’s having a huge she-pinned-me-to-the-wall boner.

You sit on his face to take it even further and as his favorite treat, end of discussion, your goddess is here mister. Geez, you’ll make him a hot mess. That dick won’t go soft anytime soon. You’ll talk to him about when his face is already ruined with cake crumbs, he has nothing to lose, gotta clean up anyway. The grumbling noise from below tells you that the argument is a good one. For good measure, you palm at his trousers to see his legs react and his voice suddenly hitch. Ah, it’s a wonderful day.

Levi knows a thing or two about holding his breath correctly, but what he likes the most is that he feels perfectly sandwiched between thigh Rose and thigh Maria. Yeah, he does consider them his personal comfort walls and hopes they’ll always be there. Congruently, Levi wraps his arms around them, in fact it’s locking rather than wrapping, and you’re like I see wow he’s serious.

On goes his tongue lapping away between your labia pretty much incessantly. The arousal is so intense, you have to breathe in yourself. Oh shit, Levi is gonna try to finish you off, shots fired. Not fast, but insisting. He does not bother with you panting pretty damn hard whatsoever. He’s calling people like that, but Levi might be the real brat all along.

Fair enough, he currently doesn’t hear anything, which he also loves the idea of. All day, people everywhere are talking nonsense, and now he gets to enjoy perfect silence. His ears are small, they’re easy to cover with thighs. He just goes on and on and gets you past lord how many brinks with a heated buildup.

There are a lot of evil things Mister Zeke has said and committed, but by far the most offending thing he has yet insinuated is that Levi is not popular with the ladies. Blasphemy, treason, outrage, éclat, trickery, criminal offense, international slander, the most grueling case of fake news since the horse left the building, and no, Jean is not meant. With those oral skills, any lady interested in him would get a permanently bleeding nose and something else permanently wet as you can personally attest to.

If Paradis would even remotely know what he can do in bed (and they would if Connie told them, he lives next door), even more people would run down his house than they already do to get a piece of him. Jesus Christ, the Ackerstamina. But I mean. People are probably suspecting it.

How can you not move like a god in bed if you can bend yourself into any Pythagorean shape mid-air. Him being a fighter also gives him experience with managing energy when you have sex, I’m not kidding. Levi can even handle you thrusting right back on his tongue, and even your jokes about how he’s getting the cream to his tea now.

Levi is already kind of dripping in juice. His fingers are sweaty, this time it’s something on his face and hands he prefers though. He won’t wipe it off just yet. So you take on the task to put a condom on him — kind of expensive, mysteriously imported, gotta make every one count my friend — and have Levi take you from behind to soil the bedsheets completely at this point.

Levi lets all the leaking happen, of course he notices, and yet he’s too focused on you gripping his cock hard all the way. So much for walls. Levi has to surrender to the thought of you squeezing him in any way you fancy at this point. That doesn’t just include the face, that much he learned. His cock is gonna fall off, you tighten up so much and make him squirm, Levi’s all blissed out.

He can’t handle your ass either. He just stares like the Founding Titan invented a brand new method to hypnotize the Ackermans or something. Although. Why’d you need to come up with something, though? People they love completely enthrall them already.

If we know something by now, it's that every Ackerman gets completely fucked in the head out of the blue and sent to another dimension when they’re with the love of their life, no hypnotizing device needed. Levi is clasping his teeth for his dear life back there. People asking him if he’s gone mad he’d answer ‚maybe‘, but if you asked him if this made him lose it he would admit it.

Since he doesn’t know what to do with his hands again, you ask him to place them at your waist. „Properly, now slide in, Levi.“ — He takes his time for the first few thrusts, grunts, but gets the hang of it, in fact he’s a pro in the making. All that vertical maneuvering can turn into horizontal maneuvering very quickly. Levi feels so strange and so good at the same time, it’s overwhelming. How can something he thought would be so dirty be this amazing?

And since this position allows him to penetrate you even deeper, Levi gets the full experience of being inside of you times two. The wet noise already turns him on, his body feels so warmed up, and he feels really shocked he’s doing this. Although his face won’t show, it’ll be concentrated as before. On the inside, Levi is losing it.

He can’t get enough of your body and how you tell him what to do, Levi will be driving it home in no time. You’re gonna have your jaw dropped by how lusty he can get yourself, but also love how he’s really breaking a sweat just because of your hard grip. Who would have thought. 14-meter class titans got nothing on you. Levi’s entire neck and chest is glazed over. You call him out on it, all you’re gonna get is a little ‚tch, that’s your fault, woman‘. I mean of course it is. He’s literally at your mercy. I told you he’s hilarious.

Little did you know that Levi will straight-up ignore his sweatiness and just continue, one heartbeat at a time, to really fill you out and make you feel good. Can you imagine. Levi dedicating like 20 minutes to make sweet love to you doggystyle.

He has a good feeling for keeping you just on the verge of cumming. He even reaches around to press two fingers into your clit after five minutes of figuring out his angles. You didn’t expect this at all. It’s as if Levi can read your mind going „but his hands are gonna get really messy, why?“ — he just goes on rubbing and says, deadpan: „Miss, do I look like I care.“

Some dirty things in the world are just there to annoy him. They’re not existing to make his life easier. And toilet humor-related things: We know Levi’s stance on that. Wet pussy on the other hand: Surprise. He thinks of it very differently. Levi is pretty caught off guard by the fact that you loving and adoring him is the reason you’re leaking so much.

It sinks in (um, literally) that you’re all drippy because you really want him inside. Not to mention that he constantly realizes just how attracted to him you are. Your desire for him, that’s Ackerman kryptonite. Levi doesn’t miss your eyes, nope. That motherfucker is a damn good face reader.

And— How warmed up your body feels in his hands, how you’re breathing. How you’re telling him exactly how to tilt to hit the good spots. How you’re sucking in air when he does just that. How you sound, grip the pillow, the sheets. Your goosebumps all over your legs. How your lips part. How you wait for every thrust. The way you tell him how good it is. Your pulse. Your own sweaty back, letting his hands on your waist slip and slide a little with the rhythm.

How he’s struggling not to moan his soul out and chokes back. How you’re softly moving to glide off, he’s gonna lose his mind. How much you’re enjoying him and how cute you tell him he is. Whatever you’d ask of him, he’s so ready to fulfill it. You having the absolute hots for Levi is probably gonna preoccupy him for the whole night while you’re sleeping and he sits in the chair.

He’s been shooting grumpy cat level eye daggers with extra Ackerpoison at the corps couples for walking around showing any signs of this. Making all those lovey-dovey faces or going to the back of the barn together. Levi has chased them with his favored broom to whoop-diddly-doop those horndog soldiers back on track, swirling his weapon of choice around to send a sweeping cloud of dust after them.

Whereas now… he has to deal with the fact that he really loves all that horny stuff. Cognitive dissonance 101 is striking him out of nowhere. I mean he’d not fuck in the barn, that one is truly disgustingly shittily bastardly filthy or however he’d word it, but you get the gist. He caught feelings and caught pleasure — and that’s such a good thing.

His problem is, Levi wouldn’t know how to fawn right back at you. Except saying „good job“ like he’d praise a cadet, but he decides that’s not something to say during sex. He’s very right about that indeed. So instead: He will always reply to you accordingly and with Levi-typical honesty.

If you say you love how he kisses your neck from behind, he will tell you he’s enjoying it as well because damn he loves that spot indeed (titans can tell you a story about it… Levi has such a neck fixation, that fucker). And: Letting actions speak the loudest with him. He’s a practical guy. Levi’s hands can to the most complicated reverse grips and all that crazy human Beyblade shit. Getting you off at his fingertips is gonna be his easiest exercise ever once he gets into it.

He doesn’t even do it to show off at this point. Levi is just that kind of a sex machine and eager to please, not to mention god, is he obedient and a giver in disguise. If Levi were offered the most luxurious, expensive tea available versus your breasts to suck on for a week given he’s free of titan duty… that cup is gonna turn cold. He loves the skinship and he loves giving you a fuckton of orgasms, as many as you like and as many he has time for.

Self-explanatory, this is something he will not feel one bit of regret about. Hours touching you is the farthest from wasting time to Levi. The less he holds back with his love, the more secure things become. He doesn’t feel the misery he thought he’d run into, nor does it feel like a reckless act that’s only something feeble.

The new soap every other week on his table alone reminds him you’re here to stay and like his every quirk, and make this a private thing rather than something to parade around. You never lied saying „Levi, you’re mine.“ He does wrap his head around the fact that all of this is happening with time.

Levi finds your relationship meaningful because it gives him feelings and exactly that emotional harbor he never had before, and he gifts you the reverence of your lifetime since Levi doesn’t half-ass anything. You reassured and guided him so much, he looks up to that, it breaks down his prejudice against loving more and more. That’s how you’ll feel intimate in all kinds of ways for very intense hours he can spare to make the most out of it.

From the light touch at his arm to making out until the candles burn down. And if you tell Levi to sell the deal and dedicate his heart, how can he not take that as a serious order. He has to be guarded to put his guard down, and that’s what you can offer him, and he will create something lasting out of it. Promise is promise to him, we all know.

RELATED: sub!levi hc (tea shop au) | life after war (levi’s happy end)

multifandom mlist | levi writings on ao3

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ramp-it-up · 3 years

Text

Cuddle Buddies

Pairing: Roommate! Rafael Casal x Reader

Word Count: 2.4k

Warnings: Minors DNI, RPF, angst, cursing, pining, jealousy, suggestive language, butt slapping, fluff! No smut! All errors my own. I apologize if you like the smell of patchouli, lol.

A/N: This is an answer to the following ask from @teatro-dira :

Okay so I don't know if this is kinda weird but like an Rafael x reader were they are like really cuddly(like a lot of hugs, cuddling and stuff) friends and roommates and everyone teases them asking them if they're dating. Then Rafael gets a girlfriend which makes y/n lowkey feel betrayed and jealous, but he doesn't realize that. Y/n accidentally ruins their relationship(you chose how). They get into a fight, but it ends in fluff. Hope you understand what I mean:)

Here it goes! I hope you like it!

———-

A series of unfortunate events led you to this situation six months ago.

You were subletting Rafael’s apartment in Santa Monica when production wrapped a month early on his project in Vancouver. He had nowhere to go, and neither did you, so you agreed to share the space.

You vibed, almost as much as he and Daveed did. Folks began to call you the fourth Muskateer, for as much as you, Rafa, Daveed and his girl were always together.

You all talked, smoked, and created together. You and Rafa especially were always all over each other, keeping each other warm under blankets on the couch, watching movies while you ran your fingers through his hair, in one or another’s bed watching videos, or writing in tandem.

It was all good, cause Rafa was being a man-whore at the moment with several ladies, and you were just chilling. It was dope.

Almost.

It would have been all the way dope, except...

Except for the fact that you were in love with Rafa.

You loved sharing the same space with him, because you could smell him when he just got out of the shower, play in his silky hair, and feel his strong arms around you. And when he wore grey sweats…. Damn. You and your little bullet celebrated every time that happened.

Everyone could tell, except for Rafael. People ragged on you two so hard, that you vehemently denied it every time, to the point of getting heated.

One night, you side eyed the teaser through a cloud of smoke after catching Rafa’s grimace when they said you two should get together. Your mood sank at what you perceived was rejection.

“I would NEVER get with Rafa, that’s the homie. He’s like a brother to me. Ugh. Getting with my brother? No way. We’re just Cuddle Buddies.”

Rafa blinked and then took a toke.

“Exactly, we the homies. Platonic Ride or Dies. It’ll never happen.” He passed what he was holding and then stood up. “Cuddle Buddies till the end.” He sounded disgusted.

“I’m going to go get some food. I’m hungry. What does everyone want?” After everyone yelled out their orders, you offered to come with.

“Nah, sis. I’m good. Gonna clear my head. I’ll be back soon. Rafa peaced out and you sat back down with the crew.

-------

Ever since that night, Rafa seemed a little distant. He was always busy, and never had time to sit and kick it with you the last couple of weeks. You all never seemed to link.

One night, he was home when you came in with groceries.

“Oh shit, I didn’t know that you’d be here!” You put the groceries down on the counter while Rafa was at the stove, cooking up some pasta with marina.

“Mmmmmm. Smells good!” You went and stood very close to him, expecting him to give you a side hug, at least.

He just turned and glanced at you, a smirk lifting one side of his face.

“Will you never learn to keep an umbrella in the car? You always come in soaking wet from the rain.”

Here he was, shaking his head that you didn’t have enough sense to come in out of the rain. How could this talented genius ever want to be with you?

You just played it off, as usual. “I’m starving. I didn’t think I would make it through cooking, but you’re always clutch, Rafa!”

Rafa stood there and gaped at you.

“Uhhhhh… I thought you said you were driving down to the Vista to see your mom… I have someone coming over for dinner....”

“No. She’s decided to go on a cruise to Cabo with her bestie… she just called and told me as she was boarding the ship this afternoon. The hussy. Tryna be fast with her little friends.” You laughed.

“So, who’s coming over? UTK? Wayne? Jimmy?”

You jumped up on the counter and watched as Rafa put some french bread with butter and garlic in the oven. Smelled like heaven. Those guys would definitely invite you to stay.

Rafa wiped his hands on the towel that was hanging on the stove. And turned around to face you.

“Her name is Aurora.”

It was like he’d punched you in the gut. He’d NEVER brought one of his heauxes around. You fought the urge to double over, even though you felt nauseous. When you looked at him, he looked concerned.

“Hey, you okay?”

You jumped down from the counter and quickly nodded your head, laughing weakly.

“I...uh.. Yeah. Like I said, I haven’t eaten since breakfast, expecting to be at dinner with my moms by now.”

You grabbed your groceries, putting them up quickly and grabbed an apple, taking it to your room.

“I’m going to get out of your way in a minute, I’ll go over to Carla’s and hang with her tonight. We’ll probably go out and do what we do, you know?”

Rafa still looked worried.

“Are you sure you’re ok? You need more than an apple. Look, stay…”

“NO!” Your voice was raised and it startled you. “I mean, I’m not one to be a cock blocker. I’ll just get my stuff and get ready to go.”

Rafa just watched as you scurried into your room. Why did you feel like crying? Why did you feel as if you would never breathe properly again? You got out your phone and called Carla.

20 minutes later, you exited your room dressed for the club with your overnight bag. There was a strange smell in the room, and it wasn’t pasta. It was patchouli. You HATED patchouli.

You didn’t realize you were giving the gas face until Rafa came out of the kitchen followed by a short, but cute woman, with a body like, whoa.

Of course.

Rafa glared at you and you fixed your face. That bestie telepathy was on point. Then he looked up and down, as if he were judging your freakum dress. Well, fuck him.

“Oh, hey! Y/N, this is Aurora. Aurora, Y/N.”

Aurora ignored your outstretched hand and went in for a hug.

“Y/N! I’ve heard so much about you that I feel like I know you intimately, just like Rafael.”

You tried to keep your face straight in reaction to her scent, then gave her a sideye.

Was it the inept way she rolled the ‘R’ in Rafael, or the thinly veiled shot at your relationship? Either way, you felt like slapping the shit out of her. You looked at Rafa, but then just cleared your throat.

“And I’ve heard so much about you as well. You’re all Rafa talks about.” He shook his head behind her. “Nice to meet you, but I’m headed out for the night.”

It was then that Aurora saw your bag and brightened up.

“Oh! You do look nice. Are you leaving, you sure you don’t want to stay?”

You could smell insincerity a mile away. Even patchouli couldn’t cover that up. You just smiled at her.

“No ma’am. I’ve got places to see and people to do.” You winked at them as you walked out of the door, holding up your umbrella. “Stay dry y’all.”

You made it out the door without crying of jack slapping that little bitch or Rafa. You were winning.

But why did it feel like you’d lost everything?

-----

You and Rafa successfully avoided one another for days. He was either over Aurora’s or you were with Carla, your mom, or just stayed in your room.

One time you passed Rafa and Aurora on the couch watching a movie on your way to the kitchen to get something to eat. Rafa’s head was in her lap.

You stopped dead in your tracks when you heard Rafa’s slightly raised voice say: “Don't’ mess with the swoop, Babe.”

‘Babe.’ He called her Babe. That’s it. It was time for you to go.

You were cramping Rafa’s style. You just tiptoed back in your room, making little to no noise so that they could watch the movie in peace. You didn’t see Rafa looking at your door after you went in.

----

A week later, you let Rafa know your move out date.

“Wait. What?”

Rafa’s mouth was open. You repeated yourself.

“Well, I’m going to move in with Carla. She’s going to let me ride her couch until this other place comes open in three weeks. It’s a sweet deal, near the studio….”

Rafa’s mind was racing, you could see the gears turning.

“Well… why don’t you just stay here until then, we got a good thing going.” He looked upset. What was up with him?

“Rafa… I’m just in the way. You’ve got Aurora…”

“Hold up, wait. We aren’t even that serious. I mean, I just stopped seeing Bev and Chrissy. He looked at his watch. Last week.”

You laughed at Rafa’s fuckboi ways. “Well, what about me? I might want to date someone and bring them over…”

Rafa’s face changed.

“Bring someone over here…”

But it didn’t sound like an invitation, it sounded like a threat.

It was your turn to stare at Rafa. “What the hell…?”

He straightened up. “I mean, any of your guests are welcome here.”

You sighed and shook your head.

“See what I mean? Things are getting tense, I want us to stay friends, not be tight with each other all the time.”

Rafa grinned. “You said ‘tight.’” He dodged a couch pillow thrown at his head.

“What are you, a 12 year old?” You were rolling. He really was one of your best friends. But you needed space to get over yourself. And him.

“Okay. You grown. But just know that you don’t have to go. And know that I will miss the hell out of you.”

Rafa came over to hug you, and he held you longer than normal, and then kissed the top of your head. You looked up at him, still in his arms and it was like…

You cleared your throat. “Well, I guess I better go start to pack.”

Rafa stepped back. “Ok.”

Both of you hurried to your perspective rooms.

-----

One night, a couple of days later, Rafael came into your room without knocking.

“What did you say to Aurora?”

You were laying on your stomach on your phone, in just your t-shirt an panties. You rolled over and looked at him.

“What are you talking about?”

Rafa wasn’t yelling, but he was keyed up.

“What did you tell her the last time you talked?”

You put your head down to think, then brought it back up.

“I just said that I was going to miss playing in your hair when we watched movies, that I knew it was your favorite thing.”

Rafa nodded, then shook his head.

“Y/N, you’re the only one I let touch my hair. Aurora has barely been allowed near it.”

“That’s…. New.” You were perplexed.

“No it isn’t. Everyone knows I don’t like people messing with my hair. Aurora accused me of having feelings for you.”

You were sitting up now, crossing your arms and standing before Rafa.

“That’s ridiculous.”

Rafa looked like he was about to explode. He threw his hands up in the air and walked out of your room.

“OF COURSE IT IS! RIDICULOUS!” He was really agitated.

“Yeah, I know all too well that you think it's ridiculous for me to want to be with you. I don’t know what makes you think I’m not good enough for you?”

“Good enough for ME? You’re the one running around with all the model/actress types, you’re the one who thinks I’m beneath you. You said so that one night when you said we were ‘Platonic Ride or Dies.’”

“Here we go! Total distortion! Did you hear what you said before I said that? You said I was like your brother. Your brother. You think it’s that disgusting to be with me.”

“I just said that because you made a face when what’s her face said we should be together.”

“I made that face because I was imagining fucking your brains out. It was probably my cum face.”

You stopped and stared at him, mouth hinged open.

“The fuck?” You burst out laughing. “You are mad outta pocket Rafa.” Rafa was rolling too. “But you ain’t gotta lie.”

Rafa stopped laughing.

“Why do you think I’m lying?”

He was moving closer to you. This felt… dangerous. He looked up and down your body, and it was the first time you felt uncomfortable being comfortable around Rafa.

“Because you told me that you wanted to just be Cuddle Buddies a month after you came back from Canada. You drew a line in the sand.”

Rafa shook his head at you and smiled, green-blue eyes twinkling.

“I knew you were too zooted. I shouldn’t have tried to shoot my shot.”

“Run that back for me?” You couldn’t believe what he was saying right now.

“What I said was..I wanted to be Cuddie buddies. Cuddie is… you know…”

He pointed to your crotch.

You looked down, and then up at him again. “I can’t with you Rafa….”

Rafa tilted his head in that sexy way at you.

“Can you really not?”

You were stunned. Rafa continued.

“But I’m serious. When you came back with ‘Cuddle Buddies,’ I thought you were blowing me off and just wanted to be friends. So, I just settled into the friend zone.”

“Do you mean you’re attracted to me? Rafa, that’s funny as hell. You want me for my body?”

Rafa raised his eyebrows at you. “Hell yeah. C’mon girl. You know you’re fine.”

Your cheeks heated up. You stared at him for what must have been a solid minute. The possibilities of this alternate reality where Rafa liked you like you liked him opened up.

“But, Rafa... I don’t wanna be just cuddie buddies.”

“Oh. Ok, Cool….” Rafa cleared his throat and looked everywhere but at you.

“I want your heart.”

Rafa paused when he heard that and his face fell as he moved toward you. He took your arms in his hands.

“Y/N I'm sorry, I can't give you my heart.”

It was your turn to pick up your face.

“’Cause you already have it.”

His mischievous grin made your stomach flip. But you were mad.

“Fuck you, Rafa.” You were laughing with happiness, despite him playing too much.

“Oh, you don’t have to tell me twice.” Rafa swooped down and threw you over his shoulder. “I’ve been waiting six months for that invitation.”

You were trying to kick and scream.

Raa swatted you on the ass, then smoothed his hand over the cheek that stung.

“The more you struggle, the more you’ll be begging me to stop in a few.”

You struggled some more, but he made it to your bedroom and deposited you on the bed. He glared down at you, all sexy green-eyed god.

“Try me, Y/N.”

You reached for the drawstring on his sweats.

“If you insist, Rafael.”

-----

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morgana-ren · 4 years

Text

My Little Omega

This piece was a birthday commission for the lovely @aizawascumslut ! Thank you so much and I really hope you enjoy it! I’m so so sorry it was a little bit late, life has b l o w n lately, but I did make it almost 3,000 words for you!

It is NSFT with A/B/O dynamics, and this is my first time taking a crack at any of that (just kidding NSFT is my specialty) but really, I’ve never done A/B/O before so hopefully I didn’t fuck that up too badly.

Shigaraki really wants to make your birthday as memorable as he can and give you a very special gift that only he can give you.

Shigaraki was never good with birthdays.

Growing up, a fuss was never made about his own, and he had very few people in his life he considered important enough to care. He would get the occasional ‘Happy birthday, young Tomura’ from Master, but even that waned as his age progressed. It was just another day to track his progress; how far he’d come and how much further he needed to go.

He knew that people on the outside had a very different idea. It was a day of celebration, where the person of honor had well wishes and last minute presents thrust into their lap, celebrating that they were born and every subsequent year they’ve been alive. The entire thing seemed asinine to him; what’s the point of cheering for your own existence for doing something as basic as simply being alive?

He didn’t understand it. It made no sense, and frankly, he didn’t care about it in the slightest.

At least until he met you.

You were the one person who he was happy was actually born, one of the few he didn’t hate or ignore entirely, and suddenly he began to grasp why others would throw parties and give gifts to the ones they appreciated and loved. Birthdays had meant nothing because the people around him meant nothing, but that wasn’t the case anymore.

Still, lifelong ignorance of the tradition had led him into a rather awkward situation.

He had no idea what to get you for yours.

It was coming up rapidly, and days fell off the calendar with his constant mental mantra of ‘I’ll deal with it later’, despite the fact that he could never come up with anything that he found to be worthy. Naturally, he had thought of the old standbys like flowers, or chocolate or some generic bullshit that the rest of the waking world uses when they’ve run out of original ideas, but it never felt right. His relationship to you was special. It deserved more than some half-assed and unimaginative throwaway token of love. If he was going to go to the trouble of gifting you something, he wanted it to mean something; both to him and to you.

Time drew on and he got precariously close to the deadline before something finally jumped out at him. It wasn’t until the morning of your birthday that he found the perfect gift to celebrate you and your presence in his life. It dawned on him as he was roused from his sleep earlier than normal by your clawing, needy fingers grasping at him, sweat beading slightly on your forehead. You were whimpering, still passed out but clearly in a state of discomfort. If your body language didn’t clue him in, the overwhelming scent that coats both your body and sheets and stirs his cock certainly did.

Your heat.

It was upon you.

Your sleepless eyes open and focus on him with blown out pupils, face crinkling in pain and realization as he drags himself off the bed. He looks at your cutely pathetic expression and hates how much it rouses him. The desire building at the base of his spine is already conflicting with his daily responsibilities. There was so much he had to tend to today, important things he needed to manage, but his every instinct screams at him to curl over you on the bed, press your legs deep into your chest and knot his little Omega until-

Oh.

And just like that, he knew. He knew exactly what he would give you.

Forcing his primal brain to ignore the irresistible scent you’re producing that’s cloying down his nostrils, he gives you a reluctant goodbye, poorly masked with irritation and stress. His tone is harsh and stern as he tells you to quit being so needy and he needs to go, he has stuff to do. He knows you can’t help it, but seeing you in this state is making it even harder for him to leave and focus on anything but breeding you. He needs to be able to focus and maintain his responsibilities and army, but hard doesn’t even begin to describe it when you slip from beneath the bed sheets, slick already coating the inside of your thighs and dampening the front of your sleep shorts. Fuck, he can smell you, perfect and ripe for breeding and remarking.

Still, he can’t let lust cloud his judgment right now, even though as your alpha, it’s deeply wired into his brain to mate and protect you. He knows he’s leaving you alone and vulnerable, possibly open to attack from another alpha despite his mark deeply etched into your neck. Anyone would be stupid to try, knowing he’d rip them apart with his bare hands, but he still hates the fact he has to leave you. It goes against his every instinct, each painful step of his body echoed by a desperate call of his name or the breathless sigh of ‘alpha’, your own submissive and primal needs overtaking your rational brain.

He’ll finish his business, and quickly. He needed to be here with his omega. It was her birthday, after all.

But as the day dragged on, minutes turn into hours and his own skin begins to itch and crawl. His head screaming and demanding that he return to you, muscles twitching in his legs as he almost pushes himself from the chair against his own will. Needless conversations and endless procession of things he could care less for are occupying his attention; attention that should be nowhere but you. He can practically smell you from across the base. Your scent mixed with his, palpable and tangy in the air. It’s distracting. His cock twitches and he can feel his rut coming.

He needs to get out. Now.

He needs to get to you.

Meeting be damned, he leaves mid sentence. No one is foolish enough to question.

Everyone knows the scent of an Alpha yearning for his mate, and even if they didn’t, they certainly knew the smell of an Omega in a fresh heat.

He practically kicks open the door to his apartments, finding you restlessly curled into a newly made nest of his blankets and sheets, burrowing deep into his scent. You’re whimpering and desperate, hunched over from the pain and head swimming with nothing but thoughts of his knot and his pups. Hypersensitive to his pungent smell already, your attentions are turned toward the door even before he manages to enter. Your slick still visible between your quivering thighs, clutching and trembling as you waste no time pleading for him, his name slurred and urgent on your lips.

“Please- Please… Shigaraki- Alpha!”

You crane your neck for him, already branded and scarred where his jagged teeth initially made contact with the muscle. You reek of his own scent entwined with yours, equally familiar and intoxicating. The way you weakly beg for him, hurting in a way that he and he alone can soothe drives him into a frenzy, every muscle twitching, eager to pounce on his pretty little Omega.

“You want me to take you, don’t you? Needy little bitch in heat.”

He shrugs his coat off onto the floor, overtaken with lust and moving on pure instinct towards you. You can feel it, the raw, dominating scent practically radiating from him. Quickly, you gather onto your hands and knees and push your ass in the air, prostrating yourself before him. Your hips wiggle desperately, and he chuckles at your lack of shame, too blinded by need for him to find any sense of composure.

He likes it when you present yourself for him, all wet and urgent and craving his touch, and right now, there’s nothing you want more. You want him to fill you and make you whole, cum inside you again and again and give you what you need the most.

“You want my knot? Want me to fill you up with my cum and give you my pups?”

An incoherent cry escapes your throat as you practically fall to the floor, limbs scraping along the ground as you try to quell the pain in your body that’s spreading like fire throughout your limbs and becoming more and more unbearable. Tears bead in your eyes and he can tell it’s hurting you even more than he can truly perceive. His rut began less than an hour ago but already it’s building to unimaginable levels.

You’ve been such a good girl; So strong all day. You need him now, and he needs you, and he’s done waiting. All For One himself couldn’t claw him away from you. He’d rather die.

He inhales a deep breath, taking in your overwhelming scent and holding it in his lungs. Had he not marked you, every alpha within miles would be trekking here, crusading to claim you. You had always been so sweet, so overpowering in the saccharine smell that permeated off of you and onto everything around you.

But you’re his.

His.

And he’ll kill anyone who even fucking dares to get near you. He’ll rip them to shreds and there will be nothing left but a puddle of gruel.

His own animalistic instincts take over, growling from the low of his throat as he threads his fingers through your hair and yanks you backwards.

“Mine. You’re mine.” He nibbles on your exposed throat, teasing you on top of the mark he’s already gifted you. His thick cock prods on your backside and the needy whine that emanates from your throat doesn’t escape him.

“For your birthday, I’m going to fill you with my cum and knot you, make your belly all swollen and perfect. I’m going to fill you with my pups. You want that, don’t you?”

You nod feverishly, unable to muster anything but an incoherent babble as your neck strains in his grip, your clumsy fingers fumbling with the waist of your sodden shorts. They stick to your soiled legs, refusing to slide down with anything but a frustrated yank. He chuckles at your desperation despite the last semblance of self-control he has being discarded with your ruined clothing.

“On your back. Now.”

You whimper at his authoritative voice, unable to disobey the commanding voice of your alpha. He releases your hair long enough for you to quickly flip yourself over and fall to the floor, spreading your legs open for him. Lithe fingers make quick work of the buttons on his pants and before long, he’s crawling half of the way on top of you with his boxers pulled down over the thick of his thighs.

“Good girl,” His palm crawls up your legs, stopping just short of where you need it most. Your body twitches and you wail, trying to wiggle into his touch. Slick pools on his hand as he drags the pads along the inside of your thigh, lips slacking slightly as he watches your thigh muscles twitch hungrily at his ministrations. He’s barely even touched you but you’re practically sobbing, tears running down your cheeks as you stammer out his name over and over.

His cock jumps watching you worm around, body glistening with sweat and need, looking up at him through watery lashes and glazed eyes as if he’s the only thing in the world you’ll ever need. It’s enough to send him over the edge, pushing forward on his knees so he looms over you entirely.

“You’re going to be a good little omega and take my cock now, right?” He taps your core with his hot, thick length. “You’re going to let me re-mark you and fill your belly with my pups?” “Yes, please-“ You nod enthusiastically, shimmying your lower body to try and entice him. “Please mate me, alpha!”

He aligns with your entrance, using the last bit of his strength to hold off ramming into you before he makes you beg. “My cute little bitch in heat. You want me to breed you? Knot you over and over and make your body take my seed?” “Yes!” He anchors his elbows beneath your knees, pressing your legs up into your chest, finally letting himself sink into you. The slick sound that echoes into your ears is just flat out embarrassing but you can’t bring yourself to care. You throw your head back, moaning loudly as he fills you up to the hilt. Finally, his chest comes flush with the back of your legs, bottoming out inside you. His lips brush against yours as he pecks you softly at first, but then more and more ravenous and greedy. He hisses between sloppy, open mouthed kisses, muttering and cursing into your own mouth.

“My omega! Mine, mine!”

He pulls out only to thrust all the way back in, burying himself inside you once more before he begins his brutal rhythm, betraying just how needy he is for you as well. Your body bounces helplessly on his cock as you keen and cling to him for purchase, steadying yourself on his shoulders.

You think he’s coming to devour you again but his lips find your marked neck, digging his teeth into the brand over and over again as he rocks powerfully into you until you’re certain that you have no scent left of your own. You don’t mind, you don’t care, you’ll stay in this home forever and raise his pups.

“Yours! Only yours!”

He groans against your neck and withdraws, bringing his head up to you again. Beckoning him closer, you throw your arms around him and tighten your grip around his neck until he’s forehead to forehead with you. He’s drooling slightly, face turning red with exertion as he repeatedly cants his hips against your dripping pussy over and over again. He finds the wherewithal to kiss you, tongue slipping past your lips and exploring your mouth frantically. You can feel him try to say something but between the molding of your mouths and the pleasure sparking and coiling in your abdomen, you can’t make it out.

Panting and heaving chests collide between the joining of slippery, sweaty bodies and the punishing pistoning of his hips bruises you as he practically fucks you into the floor. The loud wailing of your wanton moans and his animalistic growls echo off the bedroom walls. The slapping of flesh on flesh joins the cacophony and it all comes together to heighten your pleasure and stimulate you even further. Your beloved alpha, he’s going to fill you soon. He’s going to knot you and breed you over and over until you’re mothering his pups.

“My good- ah- good little omega. You’re going to be such a great mother-“ His staccato thrusts become slightly more erratic, losing their rhythm ever so slightly, and if you could focus between the twitching of your cunt and the blinding orgasm growing in your gut, you could tell he’s getting close. “I-I can’t wait to watch your belly swell. Your tits will grow nice and fat with milk and- fuck!”

His moans become breathier and higher pitched, heaving them into your ear. Your own release is nearing soon, every nudge of his pelvic bone against your clit taking you higher and higher to the top. Your pussy pulses with his filthy words, toes flexing and your fingers tensing in his hair, urging him forward.

“Shigaraki, please-!”

Your eyes meet for a brief second, his heavy scarlet ones staring glassy and blown out into yours. Your back arches off the floor and his teeth clamp down on the rounds of your neck where your mark is once more, sinking deep into the pliant flesh and claiming you a final time before you feel his cock twitch and with a drawn out and uneven howl, he empties himself inside you.

With the warm sensation of his white, sticky cum filling your womb and his broken and breathless admissions of pleasure, you find yourself pushed over the edge as well. Your walls flutter and contract around him, squeezing and milking him as he scratches at the floor beneath you in a blinding and borderline overstimulated euphoria. Your entire body convulses and shakes beneath him, face contorting and uncontrolled sobs of bliss exhaling from your chest, slowly turning into fractured little wails and gasping.

When you finally come to, he’s releasing your legs from his hold and gently lowering them to the floor, still laying atop you as his knot plugs you and prevents the loads of cum from escaping. His tender finger brushes your cheek, kissing you softly with a few gentle pecks. You can feel your heat subside, if only temporarily, but you know it’s likely not going away. Heats are never so kind, and it’s only a matter of time until he has to leave again. The thought fills you with panic and your heart begins to race.

You look to him as if to say something, but he just presses his lips to yours once more.

“I know, little omega.” One of his large hands comes down to stroke your belly, feeling the pressure from the seed currently plugged deep into your womb while the other keeps stroking your cheek. “I’m not going anywhere. It’s my omega’s birthday, after all, and I want it to be special. I don’t care how long it takes.”

#Shigaraki x reader #nsft #Shigaraki Tomura #My Commissions #I'm so sorry it was a little late #I really hope you like it #This is so much softer than I usually write lmao

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nagichi-boop · 2 years

Note

No. Fixating on fictional characters and making a lot of posts and art and headcanons about them is the farthest thing from creepy.

But if I am allowed to be frank the fact that you are scared of the mere appearance of shipping two characters is probably the bigger thing to be worried about here. That's... Not a healthy way to approach this kind of thing generally. I don't know you so I really can't judge much outside of your post, but if it was just a matter of you finding the ship icky (as many do) you'd have no reason to think anything about yourself was icky cause your not.

I'll be blunt and say that I'm afraid this whole pro/anti shipper fandom mindset that's emerged in recent years is likely the cause behind why you might feel that way. I'm not saying it IS but I've met more than a few people in fandom who used to be either hardlined anti-ship or anti-anti and all of them agree the whole thing was mentally and emotionally exhausting and turned things they were supposed to enjoy miserable. Running their blogs was suddenly less a hobby and more a constant chore to assure strangers they were the "right" kind of fan. They only liked "good" and "correct" things to a pre-approved degree out of fear of appearing like an anti or a pro shipper or whatever. All this to say that if you like/enjoy the submas twins, to any degree, it's the right amount for yourself.

This is your private blog. You shouldn't have to worry about what others perceive you as since you know what's true. You get to like, reblog, and create any content you please to criteria you set for yourself.

Follow people who won't judge you or whose content you enjoy. Block people or tags based on the content you do and don't want to see or based on how they treat others.

Sorry if any of this was unwelcome or invasive. Feel free to delete if you disagree or are made uncomfortable. I just wanted to ensure you knew nothing about your enjoyment was wrong.

Gonna add a read more cuz this is long. :P

No no, I totally get what you mean. I sorta touched on this in the previous ask, but I suspect I maybe have ocd, so I overthink a lot of things. If there’s even a slight indication that I’m doing something weird, my brain will try and convince me it is. Like even sending a smiling emoji to someone I know to be 17, my brain will be like “ugh disgusting, you’re gr**ming them” when I’m actually I’m literally just mirroring the emojis they send to me.

There’s a thing called POCD which I’m pretty sure I have, but I don’t rly say that much on my account cuz I know a lot of people blur the line between “I have intrusive thoughts about X” and “I enjoy thoughts about X”. I don’t enjoy my thoughts at all and they put a huge damper on my relationships. When the thoughts are bad, I will avoiding talking to younger people at any cost. If they text me, I spend ages trying to word my message in a way that doesn’t seem suspicious. People who I’d otherwise be friendly with (eg my brother) I will just be very bland with, like I’ll talk to them like I’m not close to them because I don’t want to be perceived as a creep when I’m not.

Obviously I’m not self dxing here but I definitely have a lot of rather strong ocd traits, as well as neurodivergent traits (hence the whole hyperfixation thing…if I’m allowed to say that without beint dxed?).

Uhhhhh I rambled but anyways, thank you for your concern. I will be okay and I’ll do stuff like blocking and such if people try and get in my way. As you said, this is my blog and it’s pretty much just for me to talk about and share things that I don’t rly get to irl (like how I don’t say anything about submas cuz I don’t want people to be like “here she goes again” or say smth to ruin them for me).

#sorry this got sorta venty #long post #nagichi asks

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avenger-hawk · 3 years

Note

Hi you have a great understanding of Sasuke's character and awesome blog. Could I ask you for tips on how to write Sasuke right in fanfiction? When I try I never seem to get him right

Hello and thanks Anon. First of all, y’all don’t get offended if I’ll destroy some of your fave tropes in fics...I don’t judge ppl writing what they want in their fics, it’s their own fic so ofc they write what they want and how they want it and if they have fun with gay-uncle-Izuna, CEOItachi and sluttySasuke good for them...but when ppl impose their OOC Sasuke (or Nar or Itachi&co) as the real thing, and boy if they do....well. Nope.

Anyway I replied to similar asks here, here and here, so I’ll copy-paste some parts. My Sasuke tag. More Sasuke meta. More headcanons. More essays tag.

Sasuke is not dominant. He’s not bossy. He’s not assertive. He’s very passive in relationships and he values individual freedom, his own and other people’s. Ppl mistake his determination in pursuing his goals with assertiveness but it’s a totally different thing. He never makes the first move with ppl, unless he has a goal and he needs them, and even when he needs them, like Taka, he never imposes his will on them. He first freed them then he asked their help for his own goal, saying that he would accept if they refused. He never imposed himself on his brother (a child wanting his big brother’s attention is not being dominant, it’s natural) and he never did it on Nar or anyone else.

Sasuke is not selfish, he is the most selfless character in the whole series. He respected people, he didn’t see himself above them. He didn’t see himself as a genius or anything. He worked hard because he had a low self esteem, he was always compared to Itachi and he always lost. He was humble enough to ask others’ help, like asking N*ruto how S*kura was able to climb the tree with chakra in the beginning, or asking Team Taka’s help to find Itachi, asking Kakashi to make him stronger and following Orochimaru for more strength. And during all these, he was thrown in his face parts of the tragic truth about Itachi and his clan and he always had to get back on his feet and fight more. His world crumbled so many times on him and yet not only he reacted but he always was able to help those around him. Not with big words like N*ruto but really, freeing Orochimaru’s prisoners, Taka, and earlier protecting his team from Gaara, protecting N*ruto from Haku, and later proitecting N*ruto from Kaguya and then protecting the whole world from her, protecting Itachi’s ideal, his sacrifice from those who threatened to make it useless. He was ready to become the world’s only enemy to keep them together, following what he thought Itachi had taught him indirectly.

Sasuke is neither possessive nor jealous. He never showed any sign of possessiveness or jealousy towards anyone. He protected Taka and N*ruto. He defended Itachi’s name, unlike too many like to think: when he threatens Danzo to stop talking about Itachi it’s not because he’s jealous but because he doesn’t want that bastard to talk shit about his perfect brother, especially cause that bastard was the reason of his ruin. He was defending his name from an enemy and it was pure and selfless, not possessive at all! Proof of this is when Hashirama praises him instead, Sasuke is happy. He likes people to speak about his brother in a good way! When they were children Itachi always dismissed Sasuke who pouted but never got really angry or jealous at Shisui for example. And at the end of the fight vs Kabuto he aknowledged Itachi’s resolve to leave even tho it broke his heart to lose him again, and he let Itachi go with the saddest face but the utmost respect.

Sasuke is not arrogant. He has a low self-esteem. He was raised in the shadow of his genius brother, he suffered for his father not noticing him, he later developed an inferiority complex towards N*ruto as well because of his quick progress, compared to his own that he perceived as slower and not enough (that’s why he joined Orochimaru). When he brags it’s not because he’s the bragging type (aka N*ruto, Kiba &co) but it’s because he’s either making fun of N*ruto, since they were rivals/friends (not to mention it’s a shounen trope) and, even more so, because he is proud of his achievements. He worked so hard always and when he created a jutsu or smth he says it. Because he has low self esteem but he’s not socially awkward or shy or whatever (see later paragraph). So he is proud of his own results. (which is also a very TE thing, for those who care about mbti stuff).

Sasuke doesn’t value his life much. This is a result of his low self-esteem, which leads to poor sense of self-preservation (to prove that he’s strong, like when he was a genin and he trained so hard,and later to pursue his goals, for which he’d give his body to Orochimaru and his life over and over). Also he is so determined to achieve his goals that he’d do anything for them. He was ready to die on many occasions in canon for this and even later, after the ending, he’s seeing himself as a tool. Also, he never really got over the sense of worthlessness first caused by his father and then by Itachi’s words the night of the massacre. Not in a real life trauma-like thing, but as a way to see himself. this means that all those stereotypical rocking back and forth, cutting, whatever behaviors are not like him, who always got back to his feet and lived, although not for himself but for his goals.

Sasuke is not bitchy or spoiled. If he was he would have a great self esteem, and he clearly showed to have a very low self esteem instead. He never made anything about him actually, as all his goals were about others, his family, his brother, and so on. He was the one who did better teamwork in team7 actually, and he protected his friends and comrades, not to mention he freed Orochimaru’s prisoners and fought for the village and its people. How is this spoiled or bitchy, and btw, bitchy ppl do get offended and he never paid attention to offenses towards him, only towards his brother.

Sasuke is neither the haughty élite type nor the shy/socially anxious/‘emo’ type. He is neither Neji nor H*nata. He is aloof, he is always lost in his own thoughts and he doesn’t care about socializing because he wants to become strong, because he cared more about his family and goals, because he cared more about their opinion than the opinion of classmates. He valued strength since the beginning, being raised the way he was raised, so he valued the praise of strong people and not of the others, unlike those who seek praise from everyone. On the other hand his being aloof doesn’t mean he can’t have normal interactions, and the fact that he doesn’t use honorifics doesn’t mean he has socialization problems. Only that he doesn’t pay attention to these things anymore. He was always pragmatic, and after the massacre he became pragmatic to an extreme level, cutting off all unnecessary things, manners included. It doesn’t mean, though, that he doesn’t respect some people (=those he deems strong. Including Team Taka). He just shows it through actions.

Sasuke is not se/xually aggressive/dominant/whatever. He is too busy with his own goals to have se/xual or romantic thoughts (unlike other characters both male and female, not just Karin but also S*kura, Ino, and ofc N*ruto). I wouldn’t define this being asexual tho, because their universe is not ours and I’m sick&tired of all the real world/Nar universe parallels. He’s passive in relationship and on many occasions he showed indifference to se/xual anything, not disgust. Just, it wasn’t his thought. Because he is on a different wavelength. So even when he told characters to not be so close to him or smth, he didn’t move away, he just told them, which kinda proves my point once more of how passive he is towards ppl and relationships, he just lets them be. On the other hand, aceSas is better than hornydominantSas that is so OOC it hurts, be it with Itachi, Nar, S*kura or whatever other girls/boys.

Most MAIN characters didn’t understand/didn’t try to understand him. The ones who understood him more are unexpectedly not his friends. Not counting Taka ofc.

Sasuke is passive. He is the yin and N*ruto is the yang. In case this isn’t clear. It’s canon. Kishi used a yin/yang parallel for him and N*ruto, so while N*ruto is yang/sun/warm/ positive/active/male principle in nature/masculine, Sasuke is yin/moon/cold/negative/passive/passive/female principle in nature/feminine. Passive doesn’t mean weak. It means receptive, adaptable, flexible, which Sasuke is, since he’s the one who adapted his life and goals to new events, truths and changes, unlike most others who just kept going their own way no matter what (see N*ruto or Itachi). Many see him as assertive because he faces every situation in a very determined manner, taking actions and deciding everything independently. But being an independent thinker has nothing to do with being assertive or passive. I say he’s passive because he actually always reacts to what life (or Itachi) throws at him, every time. His reactions are quick and strategic, so it’s easy to miss this, but still, again, Itachi or N*ruto actively engage the environment and life, and influence other people, not Sasuke. He’s also passive with people, in relatioships. He never seeks anyone unless it’s for practical reasons, he only reacts to them approaching him. And he reacts in a very calm way, quite mild compared to how determined and detached he is, considering that a lot of characters invade his personal space or more, in the whole series. When he chases after Itachi it’s because he’s his younger brother and it’s natural for them, and mostly because Itachi set up his life so that he would focus on him, still it’s Itachi who is assertive, and he reacts in return. He makes a deal with Orochimaru, to obtain strength and give him his body in return. When he forms Team Taka, before asking their help, he first gives them freedom and only then he asks them to join him, making it clear that he won’t force them if they’ll refuse. He gives them something before asking something in return. This is not just a passive thing but something more because he is not selfish, like I said before.

Sasuke is an independent thinker. Unlike other smart thinkers like Itachi or Madara, to whom the story associated him, Sasuke was kept in the dark about many things, so he developed his own view of the world later, but when he did it was original and unique, just like his fighting style and strategy.

Sasuke is private about his thoughts and feelings but he’s also honest about them. Itachi is mysterious and not honest about his feelings, not him. He is aloof, it’s different. Just because he doesn’t trust many people and he’s lost in his own thoughts it doesn’t mean he is a shoujo mysterious character lol.

Sasuke is goal oriented. He does whatever it takes to achieve his goals. He would have given his body as a vessel for Orochimaru, not caring about what would happen to him, as long as he could have his revenge. He would have lived an eternity in solitude so that the world would have lived in peace. And, again, his goals are never about himself.

Sasuke wanted to die after he killed Itachi, but then when he woke up and was told the truth he had another purpose, and so he lived on.

Sasuke admires and respects strength but he’s not power thirsty. He wanted to become strong because he wanted to be worthy of Itachi and his father, than because he had to avenge his clan, then he had to avenge Itachi. It’s because he had low self-esteem and was selfless that he sought power. He wanted to be beside his father and brother, not to surpass them, actually. It’s Itachi who talked about surpassing.

Sasuke is very smart and logical, but he is easily manipulated with the right arguments. Like using Itachi, or appealing to his low self esteem, his feeling of worthlessness, his emotions. Because people who are logical are actually not emotionless. In fact they have a hard time controlling their emotions when they feel strongly, and this can be seen clearly every time Sasuke loses control. He becomes more impulsive than N*ruto who instead gets calmer, because he’s more in touch with his emotions (lol ofc he is, everything is always about his own emotions and feelings). Sasuke puts his feelings and emotions aside to reach his goals, he acts logically and pragmatically, he observes, makes plans, finds the better ways to do things, no matter how hard or dangerous for him they are. He has logical arguments even though they appear ‘crazy’ to other characters, and it’s sad to see how in the end he was belittled by N*ruto, as if his arguments were meaningless, they were not addressed at all, just deemed wrong, not with counterarguments but with illogical emotion based words that just made him feel unstable, as it happens when you have logical arguments and they tell you ‘you’re just depressed, you don’t get things right’.

In the end, he was tamed into submission. He was defeated, put in jail, isolated, guilt tripped and berated because of his ideals and goals, denied the justice he rightfully demanded.

All these can be observed directly. Others, more subtle things about him I wrote here, towards the end of this long post.

#sasuke #I don’t have much motivation to reply to asks tbh but this is important I guess #Anonymous #vivalarevolution: visions #vivalarevolution #vivalarevolution: not crazy but desperate

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theydontknowaboutusimagines · 3 years

Text

Sunflower - Harry Styles AU Series (Volume 9)

The year is 1977 and it’s officially summertime. Y/N is spending it with her family at the Malibu Breeze Hotel, where she meets, aspiring musician, Harry Styles. The two clash in the beginning, but soon realize they may just need each other in the end. Find out just how life changing one summer can be in Sunflower, a Harry Styles AU.

Vol. 1 Vol. 2 Vol. 3 Vol. 4. Vol. 5 Vol. 6 Vol. 7 Vol. 8

By the time I made it back to my hotel room after my date with Harry, it was quite late. In fact, Marianne was back before I was, which hardly ever happens. I snuck inside gently closing the door and set my shoes down on the floor.

“So, how was it?” Marianne shot up from her bed.

I jumped, leaning against the door with my hand over my heart, “Fuck, was that necessary?”

“Yes, I need to know how my baby sister’s date went,” she said.

“It went well,” I smiled walking over to sit on my bed.

“Did you fuck?” She asked.

“What? No,” I blushed. “We talked.”

“Interesting,” she said.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I asked her.

“I just didn’t perceive him as the talking type,” she shrugged. “He has a bit of a reputation.”

“Not with me,” I told her. “He’s different.”

“Or it’s an act to get into your pants,” she said.

“Is that all you think about it?” I sighed.

“Not all the time,” she said. “But he is a guy and that’s what they think about. I’m all for you having a good time and livin’ life here, Y/N, but you and Harry just talking isn’t gonna last long. So, if you’re not ready for that, you need to end it before you get hurt.”

I wanted to respond to her, but I could form the words. In a way, she was a right. He did have reputation, one he admitted to having, but it was different when we were together. At least, I hoped it was different.

“I’m going to change and go to bed,” I said, grabbing my clothes and heading into the bathroom.

The next morning I was wide awake just as the sun started to shine in our balcony window. I barely slept at all, Marianne’s words playing over in my head. I knew I shouldn’t let it get to me, but it was hard. I decided I needed to go for a run, something I rarely did, but whenever I did I felt better. I didn’t have any running clothes, so I settled on my bikini top and a pair of shorts. I didn’t bother with shoes because I didn’t feel like carrying them. I scribbled a quick note of my whereabouts and headed down to the beach.

As soon as I hit the shoreline, I picked up my speed as I started to run. My legs quickly started to burn as I pushed myself through the sand. Soon after my lungs felt heavy against my chest, begging me to slow down and catch my breath, but I kept going. I didn’t exactly plan to end up where I did, but when I arrived, I made no intention to turn the other way.

I wasn’t sure what I was doing or what I expected to happen, but it was too late to figure that out. I was standing outside of Harry’s bungalow, tapping on the door. I knew he would be awake already because his shift would be starting within the hour. I heard someone inside making their way to the door, but it wasn’t Harry.

It was the same girl from the night at The Soundstage and she was wearing nothing but his shirt.

“Can I help you?” She asked.

“Um… is Harry here?” I asked.

“Oh, he left to go grab breakfast for us,” she smiled. “We worked up quite the appetite.”

“Hm,” I nodded.

“Want me to leave a message for him?” She asked.

“No, it’s fine,” I told her. “In fact, you don’t even have to tell him I was here.”

“Groovy,” she smiled. “Love that top by the way.”

“Uh, thanks,” I said before turning around and walking back towards the hotel.

I had no idea how to feel about what just went down. Harry was just with me until about four hours ago, so there would have been enough time for him and her to be together… but he also told me he wasn’t doing anything with her. The run was supposed to help me clear my mind and figure out what was going on, but it only made it worse.

I was going to have to talk to him about this at some point, but I wasn’t ready for that today. I needed to make sure I was away from the hotel because I couldn’t risk running into him. When I got back to the hotel room, I went straight over to Marianne and shook her away.

“What the fuck?” She groaned.

“How about we go shopping today?” I asked. “I’m sure Daddy will let us take the car.”

“You want to go shopping?” She asked.

“Yeah, why is that so surprising?” I asked.

“Because it’s you. The only shopping you enjoy is at a record store,” she scoffed.

“Yeah, well, I’m trying to live life, remember,” I said.

“Okay, let’s go, then,” she said. “But you’re asking Daddy. He’ll say yes to you.”

“Fine, I’ll change and go meet them for breakfast,” I rolled my eyes

“Good, I’ll get another few minutes of sleep,” she smirked.

“Whatever, you better be awake when I get back,” I said.

I didn’t exactly want to spend breakfast with my parents because there was a huge possibility that I could run into Harry. However, I knew it would be the only way for Daddy to let me borrow the car. He hardly let me back home, much less in a new city. Because I was so worried about running into Harry, I hadn’t counted on the fact I could run into William. He was currently sitting at the table with my parents and odds are he was up to something.

At that moment, I hesitated on if it was worth going over there or if Marianne and I could just walk to the shops. But it didn’t matter because I was already spotted.

“Oh, honey, I wondered if you would join us,” my mother smiled. “Look who stopped by this morning.”

She pointed over in William’s direction, as if I couldn’t see him sitting right there. It kept everything inside of me to not roll my eyes.

I forced a smile, “Good morning.”

“Morning, Y/N, you’re looking rather radiant this morning,” he smirked.

The fuck?

I blinked my eyes as I sat down, “Uh, thank you.”

“Y/N, before you arrived, William wondered if you had any plans today,” my mother sipped her coffee.

“Oh, actually, Marianne and I would like to go shopping. I wondered if we might borrow the car,” I said.

“Or I could take the two of you,” William intertupped. “A few of my friends and I thought about going into town today, anyway. It would certainly save you from having to drive around.”

“Um, it’s fine. We can go by ourselves, I wouldn’t want to impose on your plans,” I replied.

“Well, sweetheart, I don’t know if I feel comfortable with you and your sister going alone,” my father stated. “Plus, William is being a gentleman by offering.”

“Excellent, I’ll meet you two in the lobby in an hour?” He asked.

“I-” I started.

“Great, see you then,” he said before getting up out of his chair and leaving the dining hall.

I had no idea what just happened. I couldn’t even utter a word as I sat there with my parents.

“William is a lovely boy,” my mother smiled. “I can see the two of you lasting past this summer.”

I looked at my mother and all I could do was force a smile and my breakfast down my throat.

Being in the car with William and his friends was very uncomfortable. Not only were all of his friends boys, but they were obviously drunk and high. Marianne sat in the back with them, chatting them up, but I could tell she was even annoyed by them and the situation. I looked out the window with my arms crossed as William drove into town. I could feel his eyes looking over at me every so often and I really wanted to jump out of the car at the next red light.

“Y/N,” William whispered.

I glanced over at him, but didn’t utter a word.

“Look, I wanted to apologize for the other night,” he said. “I came on too strong and I’m sorry. I had a few drinks and they gave me a little courage to make the moves on you.”

“And let me guess, alcohol also affected your hearing and the meaning of the word no?” I scoffed.

“It’s no excuse,” he admitted. “I really am sorry and hoped I could make it up to you. Maybe tonight? I’m having a party on the boat again. Don’t worry we won’t be leaving the dock.”

“I uh… have plans again, I’m sorry,” I muttered.

I saw Marianne looking through the mirror. I knew what she was getting at without actually saying anything. It didn’t matter how much of a jerk William and his friends were, he was the son of our father’s boss and us treating him badly might ruin Daddy’s chances at his promotion.

“You sure are a busy girl,” he said. “What is that you do out there?”

“Stuff,” I shrugged.

“Do your parents know?” He asked.

“Why does that concern you?” I asked him.

“It doesn’t, but your parents seem to like me, and you never know when something might slip up in conversation,” he smirked.

“Where are you going with this?” I asked. “Are you trying to blackmail me?”

“It’s not blackmail if you’re not doing anything they wouldn’t approve of,” he stated.

“Why do you care so much?” I snapped.

“Because in case you haven’t noticed, I’m someone who gets what I want,” he said. “And right now that’s you. I don’t know what you’re up to, but I’ll figure it out. And unless you want Mommy and Daddy to figure it out too, then I suggest you make an appearance at my party tonight.”

I glared at him before looking back at Marianne, who for the first time in all my life looked worried.

“You have to tell them,” Marianne said in our room as I got ready.

“Tell them what?” I asked. “That I’ve been lying? That I’m playing in a band despite their wishes and the boss’ son practically threatened me?”

“Yes! To all of that!” She said. “Look, I’m the trouble child, yet I’ve never been put into this situation. I don’t trust that William kid and you need to stay away from him.”

“You’re the one who said we need to be nice to him!” I said.

“That was before I realized what a freak he was,” she said.

“Look, I’m just going to go there tonight, make him think he’s won and then I’ll tell Daddy about the band tomorrow morning. That way William can’t hold that over me again,” I sighed.

“And what will you do if they forbid you from being in the band?” She asked.

“Keep doing it,” I shrugged. “Daddy told me if I wanted to pursue music, this was my time to do it before college and this is my way of doing that.”

“I sure hope you know what you’re doing baby sister,” she said.

I sighed nodding, “Me too.”

When I arrived at the party, it was already on the verge of being out of control. Music was blaring, people were puking off the sides, and the smell of weed was noticeable before I even made it to the dock. I looked at my watch knowing I timed it just right. I would be there for an hour before heading to rehearsals. Harry had written new songs that we were going to perform for the record label guy.

Speaking of Harry, due to the drama of the day, I had completely forgotten about the little mishap at Harry’s bungalow earlier that day. Or the whole purpose of me going over there to begin with. Which I guess was the whole reason behind me leaving the hotel, but I would have rather faced that than what I was about to walk into.

Walking onto the boat and into the party, I wondered if William would even notice if I was there or not. The amount of people inside had to be way over the amount that should be on the boat. That was probably why it would be staying on the dock because had it been out in the ocean it would have capsized. I held my breath pushing my way through the crowd of people until I finally found a clear spot in the corner.

I looked around trying to spot William but between the haziness from the smoke and the dimmed lights, that was nearly impossible. After about five minutes, I started heading back out. It was pointless for me to be there and I honestly didn’t care about his stupid blackmail plan. However, just as I was about to head back through the crowd, someone grabbed my hand. That someone being none other than William.

“There you are,” he whispered in my ear. “I wondered when you would decide to show up.

“I’m only here to tell you I don’t fucking care about your stupid threat,” I told him. “I rather deal with my parents than give you what you want.”

“Oh, don’t play like that, girl,” he smirked. “If that were true, you wouldn’t have come here. You would have stayed away.”

“You just think so much of yourself, don’t you,” I rolled my eyes.

“You know you want me,” he whispered.

“Actually, I want nothing to do with you,” I said pushing him away.

“Then why are you still here?” he smirked.

I glared at him, “Fuck you, I’m done and I’m leaving.”

“You’ll be back,” he smirked, chugging his beer. “They always do.”

Walking to the Bungalow Valley, I felt dirty and it wasn’t just from the smoke. Once again I could still feel his breath against my skin and his words in my ear. But I couldn’t think about that right now. I needed to focus on rehearsals and my relationship with Harry. Or whatever it was that was going on with me and Harry.

I had stashed my guitar nearby so I wouldn’t have to go back to the hotel. Good thing too because I highly doubt I would have been able to explain away the smell reeking from my clothes. It was already going to be something that I couldn’t ignore once I got to rehearsals. When I walked inside, everyone looked over at me.

“Looks like someone’s been enjoying herself tonight and didn’t invite us,” Jasper jokes.

“Trust me, you wouldn’t have wanted to go,” I told him. “I didn’t even want to go.”

Harry walked over, “You okay?” He asked.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” I said, not looking at him.

“Y/N,” he said, reaching towards me.

“It’s fine,” I said. “Let’s get started.”

I feel Harry’s gaze on me, but I don’t break. I keep looking at my guitar as I get it out of its case. I hear him sigh before turning away.

“Okay, so I’ve got a few songs we should try,” he said. “I think these will really impress the record label.”

“Uh, no offense, but why do we need to play a bunch of new songs?” Mitch asked.

“Because he’s already heard the other songs, we need something fresh for him to listen to,” he said. “For him to know we’ve got what it takes and we won’t be a one hit wonder.”

“But shouldn’t we do a few old and new?” Mitch suggested. “It can take a while for us to get used to playing a new song, so if we have an entire set list worth of new songs, that’s risky.”

“We’re gonna do the new songs, alright?” Harry said. “Any more questions?”

Everyone shook their heads and we got started. All throughout the rehearsal, I could feel the frustration in the room. Harry was frustrated because nothing was sounding like it was supposed to in his head and everyone else was frustrated because we couldn’t get it down the way he wanted. Now granted, everything was sounding pretty good, at least in the terms of just learning the song.

The tension was so thick in the room it felt like everyone was suffocating inside. I hadn’t realized just how much time had passed by until Jasper finally decided to call it.

“Look, we’ve been this for hours and we’re not going to make any more progress tonight. Besides, the majority of us have early shifts in the morning, so let’s just call it a night and pick it back up tomorrow,” he suggested.

“Fine, yeah, whatever,” Harry mumbled, waving him off and grabbing himself some water.

Everyone else didn’t have to be told twice before they packed up their shit and left, leaving me and Harry alone. I just finished packing up my guitar when Harry walked over.

“Can I walk you back to the hotel?” He asked.

I nodded.

“Here let me,” he said, taking the guitar case from my hand.

“Thank you,” I told him.

We headed out and started walking slowly along the beach towards The Malibu Breeze.

“So, want to tell me what’s wrong?” He asked. “Or where you were earlier?”

“That doesn’t matter,” I told him. “But there is something... “

“What is it?” He asked.

“This morning… I came to your Bungalow before your shift and-” I sighed.

“And what?” He asked.

“The girl from the other night was there. She was wearing your shirt and insinuated you two fucked,” I whispered.

“For fuck’s sake,” he mumbled, running his hand over his face. “Y/N, I’m… wow. I can’t believe this. Look, nothing happened with her. I want nothing to do with her.”

“Then why was she there?” I questioned.

“I have no idea, honestly,” he said. “She was there when I got back after our date. She was asleep in my bed, so I left and crashed Mitch and Sarah.”

Part of me wasn’t sure if I should believe him, but so far he hadn’t given me a reason to not trust him.

“Okay,” I nodded. “I believe you.”

“Why did you come to see me anyway?” He asked.

“I-” I started, but then I was interrupted by a voice in the shadows.

“So, this is your big bad secret,” a voice smirked.

I froze knowing exactly who it belonged to.

“What the fuck do you want?” Harry asked.

“Oh, nothing,” William smirked. “Just Y/N left my party in such a hurry, I wanted to make sure she got back okay. I didn’t realize she wouldn’t come back until four hours later.”

“That’s where you were?” Harry asked. “With him?”

“It's not what you think, trust me,” I told him.

“Wow, I heard your sister got around, but I never thought you would be type to fuck the help,” William laughed.

“You better shut your fucking mouth,” Harry snapped.

“And what are you going to do?” William stepped up to him. “In case you forgot, my father owns this hotel. You’re one phone call away from being fired. Then what? You’d have no place to go, no place rehearse for your shitty little band.”

Harry’s grip on my guitar case tightens. I can see the whites of his knuckles even in the darkness. I place my hand over his.

“He’s not worth it,” I whispered.

“Ouch,” William said. “Once again you’ve wounded me, woman.”

“Fuck off, William,” I snapped. “I already told you I’m done with your bullshit.”

“Well if that’s the case, then I guess your Daddy will be looking for a new job as well,” he smirked. “Sure hate for him to lose it right before his baby girl goes to college.”

I glare at him before walking closer to him. “You think you’re the fucking man with all your threats. But guess what, it’s not going to work on me. You can keep spewing your bullshit out of your mouth, but that’s all it is bullshit. I’m never going to be with you. I’m never going to fuck you and I’m sure as hell never going to bend at your will just because you’re a spoiled, entitled, piece of shit who is nothing without Daddy’s money. So, go ahead, go run to Daddy and tell him someone finally called you out for being a little bitch, and that everyone else should pay for your fucked up life.”

Fire burned in William’s eyes, “You stupid bitch!” He snapped, pushing me down to the ground.

That was all it took for Harry to drop my guitar case and charge at William. Next thing, I knew Harry and William were on the ground. Harry was sending punch after punch to William’s face. I rushed over to Harry trying to get him to stop. William deserved every bit that he was getting, but I knew it wouldn’t end well for Harry if he didn’t stop.

In the midst of my intervening, William had pushed Harry onto his back, so that he was on top. I tried pusing William off of him, but William pushed me instead. I fell once again onto the sand. I needed to get help, but I was also afraid of getting Harry in trouble. We were still close enough to the Valley, that I ran over to get Jasper and Mitch.

They both ran back with him and separated William and Harry. Both were bleeding and had black eyes as they tried to control their breathing.

“This isn’t over Styles,” William spat.

He pushed himself out of Jasper’s arms, spitting blood out of his mouth.

“You even so much as look in Y/N’s direction or her sister’s and I will mess up your pretty little face even more,” Harry spat back.

“We’ll see about that,” he muttered before turning away and walking down the opposite side of the beach.

I rushed over to Harry, “Oh my god, are you okay?”

“Hm, fine,” he groaned.

“We need to get him back to The Valley, get him some ice on his face before it gets too swollen,” Jasper sighed.

“I’ll go with you,” I said.

“No, you’ve done enough,” Jasper sighed. “Besides, it’s late.”

“I-” I started again.

“He’s right,” Harry said. “I’ll be fine.”

“I’ll walk her back,” Mitch said. “Make sure he doesn’t try anything.”

“Thanks, mate,” Harry said.

“I-I’m sorry,” I whispered.

Harry gave a small smile before turning away and walking back with Jasper. I sighed sadly because once again, everything was fucked up and it was all my fault.

I know it’s been FOREVER since I last updated this. Hopefully, its not terrible and you’re looking forward to the next one. That will probably be updated this weekend, so be on the lookout! Also, if you have an ideas or something you want to see happen in future posts, let me know! :)

#Harry Styles Imagines #Harry Styles Fanfic #Harry Styles Fanfiction #Harry Styles AU Series

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cockasinthebird · 4 years

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okay!!!! so!!! i guess it’s kind of a prompt, but like steve goes to an art college thing. and he’s suuuper talented, one of the best in his class. and the prof. says that they have a guest to come in for some modelling. and steve is super excite ‘cause he loves doing projects like this. and then the model comes in, covered in a bathrobe, it’s billy. he goes to sit on the stool at the front. drops the robe, he’s completely nude. looks steve directly in the eye and winks! just an idea i had! -🎨

Dear anon, !!!!!!! This took SO LONG, but then again I was flagged and unavailable for like two weeks, and I did not write at all in that time, but as I woke up today to find myself back to normal, I quickly finished what was left, and now 11 pages long, I will post some of it here, then link the rest on my AO3!

My mind went off on this, and I hope it’s as good as I believe, especially what with all the teasing I’ve been doing!

Now, enjoy~

An arts scholarship is not something everyone can brag about, well, almost everyone, or so Steve thought when he got approved for one after his high school teacher encouraged him to apply.

He’s not dumb, or unintelligent, as most people around him will say - the words on the pages just don’t connect right, as if he can’t see what any other person might perceive, and it is reflected on his grades. Math is… fine, the only issue there is a general unwillingness to learn, because rather than doing algebra and figuring out trigonometry, Steve’s talents lie in the stroke of a brush, in the graphite of a pencil, in the black of charcoal.

His mother always encouraged him with a loving hand and a wondrous appreciation for every single little drawing Steve came up with as a child, fueling this intense fire inside of him that only felt relief against paper or canvas. She showered him in materials; endless chalk, a rainbow of watercolors, acrylics, oil pastels, pencils in all shapes and hues, stacks of papers, piles of canvas, even let him paint the walls of his bedroom as far as he could reach.

His father… simply stood and scowled in the doorway. He’s old fashioned, wanted an heir to the Harrington Construction Empire his own father built, not some… artistic little fairy. Steve stopped counting how many of his parents' fights were about him years ago.

And now he’s here, in California, attending college of all things, surrounded by students who, just like him, have devoted their entire lives to the arts. He feels less special, less talented, amongst his peers, where it seems that a third of them have arrived on scholarships, too.

But his teacher, Mr Reynolds, an old man with a long goatee and suspenders, always assures Steve that he is, without a doubt, the star of the class. That he will go far in his life, become world renowned, famous for his works, that in the future art classes will teach about his techniques and colors and soul.

Steve likes to believe it; spends his spare time thinking about what painting of his would be displayed in museums, what the critics will say, what he will wear to the reveal party, what his speech will sound like.

All those thoughts course through his overactive mind whenever he looks at a blank surface, just waiting, begging to be filled with his inspired soul. Perhaps he’s a bit too immodest and vain and arrogant, but he doesn’t really put up a fight against those ideals; never bothered trying to be humble about what is so obvious to any eye, and when every teacher has never offered up anything besides praise, is he to believe they’re all liars?

He looks around at his classmates as they set up in the arranged circle surrounding a single stool in the middle. They all smile at him, greetings exchanged as always, the friendliness of people who you’ve had a few beers with, attended some parties and gatherings together, but never really gotten to know past the surface.

Steve’s just not as social as he used to be, and moving halfway across the country didn’t really help that either. Something changed in him during the last year of high school, but honestly he can’t complain. He goes whenever invited, otherwise he keeps to himself, focuses on his studies, does his homework, a scholarship can only get you so far, and if his grades dip too low, it’s bye bye future.

“All on time for once! Impressive!” Reynolds says with a cheery tone, clasping his hands together with a wide smile as he moves to the center of the classroom. “For today’s live figure drawing practice, we’ll continue working with models and volunteers from all parts of life, and today I’ve managed to convince a hard working, blue collar of a man! William Hargrove, you may take the stage!”

Everyone turns to the stained room divider over in a solitude corner, the usual spot where their models change in and out of clothes and robes, and from behind steps a man dressed in a dark gray bathrobe, adorned with the most gorgeous crown of golden curls, his stubble is scruffy with a more accentuated mustache, and his eyes are of the clearest blue waters Steve has ever seen before.

His breathing pauses for just a moment as he stares at the broad shouldered stranger, caught in a trance - a willing subject to be ensnared by this man’s confidence, walking like he owns the room. Steve doesn’t even realise that he’s staring till he’s met with those heavenly eyes.

Who then winks at him, grin mischievous and aware of what thoughts surge forth in his presence.

Steve’s heart beats like a drum, ramming against his ribs, a heated flush rushing up to tint his ears red, spilling into his cheeks. He can’t help but whip his head back towards his easel with a stare that could burn a hole in the pages before him, restraining himself from gawking further, trying to calm down some.

It’s not that he hasn’t paid attention to other guys in the past, it’s just that he hasn’t cared for that kind of stuff before. Even when he was dating Nancy back in high school he didn’t care enough. But now? This guy? This man?

Nothing more than one simple, flirty look, and Steve’s interest tiptoes over the line of professional into personal, dipping in, testing the waters there.

And when he reaches the middle of the circle, everyone here far too interested in seeing what he’s hiding beneath the robe, he slowly slips it off, clearly revelling in all the attention if the smile he carries is any indication.

Unfortunately, much to Steve’s inconvenience, this William Hargrove is ripped. Jaw strong like a cliffside, biceps akin to perfectly carved marble, formidable pecs covered in chest hair lush like a forest that spreads down abs like rolling hills, Steve’s eyes travels smooth like a stream across the landscape of William’s body, down to his-

He refocuses on the easel in front of him, invitingly barren and pleading for him to ruin the stillness with his own inappropriate curiosity.

“Thank you once again for agreeing to this, Mister Hargrove. You may use this stool here to pose with, or without, it is entirely up to whatever you’re most comfortable with,” Reynolds explains, unhooking a thumb from where he fiddles with his suspenders to accept the robe that William has removed.

“Yes sir,” sounds the response, his voice husky and charming, throaty from years of use.

It tugs further at Steve’s intrigue, oh to hear him laugh, read a book aloud, sing along to whatever reckless music he listens to, probably rock or something abrasive. Steve’s wild imagination goes through it all in the matter of seconds, just to be pulled back when his teacher speaks again,

“We’ll be taking things a bit slow today, six poses with 10 minutes each, let you all get a good feel for Mr Hargrove’s body, really focus and pay attention to how the shadows fall.”

Steve’s convinced the way he swallows hard must be audible, the lump in his throat making a loud splash in the pool of boiling nerves gathered in his stomach, breaking surface tension and stirring up thoughts he hasn’t really bothered with for months, if not a year by now.

Yet here’s this stranger with such undeniable magnetism, taking a seat, naked on a stool, aiming straight at Steve, staring at Steve, smirking at Steve.

Who nervously rakes fingers through his hair, pushing it back and away as to more clearly see his model, noticing how the muscles flex and tense as Hargrove decides on his first pose. The human body is phenomenal to look at, nothing in the world deserves grander appreciation than it, and it’s easy for Steve to convince himself that that’s what this is, an accentuated form of gratitude for the very same shape that Michelangelo used for his David.

Finally William gets settled, on the edge of his seat, one foot on the ground, the other up on the bar between the legs of the stool, elbow raised and bent to bring a hand behind his head, the other relaxed on his thigh. Exposed and raw and muscular and brilliant.

Steve could truly go on and on and on about this Adonis posed all nude before him, face turned slightly to the side, but it is unquestionably clear that the rest of him is aimed directly at where Steve sits, and he doesn’t realise he’s staring again till Reynolds says,

“Ten minutes, everyone! You may begin!”

Keep reading on AO3

#Harringrove #My Writing #Art Student AU #Only Mature for now ;)))#God I went OFF on this one #Anonymous

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serpentstole · 3 years

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Luciferian Challenge: Day 9

How do you feel about God?

This might be an unexpected take from a Lutheran-raised Luciferian, but I don’t really have strong opinions about God. I have strong opinions about harmful actions taken in God’s name, the misrepresentation of history, and an abuse of social and political power enacted by any religious group, but not really on God Himself.

I’m a big fan of some of His people, both living and dead. I have many Christian friends who are just the nicest people, and magically speaking, I work with one Christian saint so far in the form of St Expedite, and I’ve sometimes considered trying to add St Cyprian to the mix. I am comfortable approaching Saints and other Christian entities in the way that’s appropriate to them, and this hasn’t negatively impacted me in any way so far, though I don’t know if that’ll change after I undergo a more spiritually impactful apostasy.

This feels brief and anticlimactic, so I’m grabbing another prompt from the bonus list! Another thematically appropriate one, this time in the form of…

How do you feel about the religious texts of the Abrahamic faiths? Do you use it as part of your path?

This answer is going to be longer and thus under the cut, but if people read anything I write during this entire challenge, I genuinely hope it’s this one. I will say now for any Christian, Jewish, or Muslim readers or followers I have, it will not be an answer that is hostile towards you, as I don’t want anyone to worry that they might have to either skip this answer completely or else brace themselves against an incredibly shitty take.

To get the “do you use it” part of the question out of the way, I own the Charmer’s Psalter and have used Biblical verse in magic before, but I don’t know how long that’ll continue as my magic develops and changes. I might end up just using the parts that reference the spirits and deities I work with when writing rituals, the ever popular Lord’s Prayer In Reverse, etc.

Now, onto the important stuff.

By Abrahamic faiths I assume they mean Christinity, Judaism, and Islam, since those are the three people tend to lump together during these sorts of discussions. To get two of those out of the way, I don’t think I should really feel any particular way about the religious texts used in Judaism and Islam, as I’m not Jewish nor Muslim.

I know it’s a sadly common thing for Luciferians or Satanists (or many neo-pagans and wiccans, for that matter) to be “anti-Abrahamic” and claim that while they don’t have an issue with the people that belong to those religious, they don’t like the religions themselves or the dogmatic rules those religions might encourage. But that’s sort of… missing the point, isn’t it?

The idea that anyone is a victim of their own religious belief is only half formed if you don’t look at the people or groups that will use the twisting of religious texts, ideas, or communities to victimize others. Lawmakers will often use Christian ideas to try and control women’s bodies, for example, which is something groups like TST vocally push back against. But the expectations they are willing to make on those laws reveal the hypocrisy of their stance, and that belief is being used as a smokescreen to obscure the true intentions of control over women’s bodies for the sake of it. Someone cherry picking or outright misrepresenting the words and ideals of their holy texts or religion to suit their selfish or political needs is not the fact of that holy text or religion.

We claim to reject dogma, but the assumption and blanket statement that these three religions are inherently harmful and oppressive is (in my opinion) dogmatic, and often we Luciferians or Satanists or even Pagans sometimes fall into the trap of regurgitating right wing talking points when it comes to how Judaism or Islam in particular are perceived. The issue is the people who would encourage dogmatic thinking or worse, lawmaking, while using faith as an excuse and to add legitimacy to their bigotry. To demonize the religion is to abandon great swaths of its victims, such as the women and LGBT people of that faith who are being abused by bad actors in the name of a religion they share.

If the idea of why someone would remain a member of their religion when there are so many bad actors, religious texts, or even just passages they might disagree with is a hard thing to wrap one’s head around, I ask this: would you expect rejection of their faith by a Norse pagan for the historic sexism and homophobia of old Norse societies? For the modern associations it has with neo-nazis and bigotry towards women and queer people?

If you say yes, if you would stubbornly and genuinely say yes… then what does it say about you, when we share a label with Anton LaVey’s books that were so influenced by Social Darwinism and Might Makes Right? With groups like the Order of Nine Angels, the Joy of Satan, and others who would claim to be Luciferians or Satanists while advocating for hate speech, bigotry, or literal actual murder? If a few bad actors or communities or specific books can ruin religions as old and as complex and as culturally varied as Christianity, Judaism, and Islam, how the hell are there any Satanists and Luciferians left that aren’t transparently proud bigots?

If we can accept for ourselves that not all Satanists and Luciferians will use the religious label with good intentions, and that not all Pagans hold ideals that are befitting the gods they claim to serve or the communities they want to be a part of, why can so few of us extend that basic courtesy to other religions?

And all this is to say nothing of how separated from its original historic and linguistic context the bible has become, and how our view of sin is very different to how those that penned Leviticus likely saw it.

While I can understand and empathize with those who have a negative view of a religion that’s done them personal harm and caused lasting trauma, that’s the shape that their abuse took. It was the fault of the people that enacted that abuse and any churches or organizations that stood by it, not the religion they used as an excuse.* I will genuinely never blame any who shy away from a religious upbringing or culture that tried to condemn their sexuality, or gender identity, or one which tried to control their bodies. That kind of negative association lingers, and there’s no doubt that people have done terrible things in the name of their faith, like I’ve said. But to treat those religions like the root of all societal ills when there are so many who would or are be cruel regardless of their beliefs, or to be hostile towards those that follow such religions without trying to impose any restrictions or beliefs on others, is missing the broader issue and (in my opinion) far more likely to do harm than good.

Also like. Dual faith practices exist and are also fair and valid and doubtless rewarding for those people.

*Please note that I am not including small, cult-like sects in my statements about these religions as a whole. There are plenty of Christian communities who are outright hate groups or otherwise dangerous to their members. Hopefully no one tries to point to some pack of weirdos as their justification to me on why all Christians are either bad or misled, or worse, tries to apply that to other religions as well because they have some historic point of connection.

#luciferianism #theistic luciferianism #witchblr #30 Day Luciferian Challenge #30dayluciferianchallenge #illumine

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the-mighty-jellybean · 4 years

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Rising From The Earth

Series Summary: After months of trying, and several heats, and ruts, Y/N was now beginning her journey on her road to motherhood. All Steve and Bucky wanted to be is supportive and strong for their Omega, but life doesn't always run so smoothly....

Series Warning: a/b/o dynamics (the fun stuff that comes with that) Smut, Accurate Representation of Pregnancy and (eventually) Childbirth, Strong Language (18+ ONLY)

Pairing: Steve Rogers X Reader X Bucky Barnes

Part One// Part Two// Part Three// Part Four// Part Five//

Part Six: Late Night Book Club

Chapter Warnings: Sexual Themes- Blowjob, Strong Language (18+ Only)

Word Count:2.4K

A/N: I know I usually do one of these at the end, but thanks to my new friend @bisexualbaby2001, has said that I need to clarify the ages of some of my characters. In particular Peter Parker. Peter is 18 YEARS OLD.

As I’ve said before I’ve been overwhelmed by the positive support guys, thank you soo much, it truly means a lot to me! xxx

Happy reading guys!!

22 Weeks.

You didn’t know what it was. Whether it was the low glow, of Steve and Bucky’s lamps, or the fact that the clock on the wall sounded way louder than it usually did. Or whether it was the fact that two growing lumps, where currently playing a game of chase in your womb. Whatever it was it was stopping you from falling asleep.

You let a frustrated groan, fall from your lips, which caused Bucky to look up from the book he was reading.

“What’s the matter, sweetheart?” He reached around your body, that was curled up in his side, to rub his hand the length of your spine.

“I can’t sleep.” you huff, Steve looks up from the tablet he was scrolling through, to give you a sympathetic smile.

“Do we need to turn our lights off, are they bothering you?” Steve traced his fingers up and down your arm. You sighed again and sat up from your squished position, between Steve and Bucky.

“I don’t know. These babies want stop wriggling. And I’m just so tired.” you voice cracks a little at the end of your complaint. Bucky looks to you with compassion, and pulls you closer to his side.

“Oh, baby. It’s alright. How can we help?” he rubs his hand over your knee, and you lean into Bucky’s side.

“I don't know that either. Can you just talk to me?” you look up at him, he gives you an empathetic smile, before he puckers his lips, and you gladly except his silent offer, placing a kiss on his lips.

“Of course we can, honey. What do you wanna talk about?” He helps you to lay down, Steve sets the tablet to one side, and lays with you, you both look up at Bucky.

“I don’t know.” you shrug, looking to Steve for some assistance.

“How about you tell us about the book you’re reading, Buck?” Steve suggests, you smile and nod, snuggling further into Steve’s arms.

“I don't know if you want to hear, sweetie.” Bucky grimaces.

“Why not, Alpha. Is it rude?” you giggle, and squirm, when Steve chuckles, before nibbling on your neck.

“No, no it isn't rude.” He defends, he angles the cover so you can read it, and you giggle again, only this time in adoration, when you read the title.

‘What to Expect When You’re Expecting’

“Thought I’d do a little bit of research before the pups come.” he says, a tint of redness graces his cheeks. and you couldn't help, but warm at the care and thought that your Alpha was putting into his future career.

“Wow, thanks for making me look like a bad Alpha, Buck.” Steve jests, squeezing you a little tighter.

“No Alpha, you aren't bad.” you twist in his arms, to pepper his face with kisses, just to prove to him he wasn’t a bad Alpha.

“Thank you, little one.” he praises, giving you one final kiss on your lips, before you spin once again in his arms, so you could rest your head on Bucky’s duvet covered lap. Your hands were still tightly clamped onto Steve’s, and every now and then, you would give them a little squeeze, which would be returned.

“Maybe, I should read you a few pages. To get you caught up.” Bucky laughs, and Steve chuckles, nodding resting his chin on your shoulder.

“We’ll start with where you are now.” he licks his thumb, before turning the page. He finds the page with the big 22 written across it.

“Right it says here: this week, your baby is making more sense of the world as it develops it’s sense of touch. Your baby’s grip is strong now, and it can grip it’s own umbilical cord.”

“Wow, we’re gonna have some strong little babies, I can just tell.” Steve smiles, rubbing along your bump.

“I mean one of their daddies, has a metal arm.” you joke, and both your Alpha’s grin at your words.

“The sense of sight is also becoming more fine-tuned. Your fetus can now perceive light and dark much better than before, even though the eyelids are still fused.”

“Here that babies, you supposed to know the difference between light and dark, so you should know it’s bedtime.” you prod your stomach, as you tell your foetuses off. Their response was just to roll over.

“They aren't listening.” you groan, lulling your head back onto the pillow.

Steve and Bucky both turn, so that they are propped up by their elbows, they pull the duvet down, and pull your nightshirt up.

“Pups, it’s your daddies.” you wiggle a little, as the sensation of their lips so close to your belly tickles. But you try and remain still, and look down in admiration, as your two Alphas begin speaking to your tummy.

“Your mommy wants to get some sleep. So you need to just chill out.” Bucky playfully scolds, a soft moan of annoyance escapes you as they continue to just do summersaults.

“That’s not working. It’s making it worst.” you sigh.

“Come on, babies. You need to let your mommy sleep.” They rubbed their palms over your stomach, but the babies just kept twisting.

And then...

You felt it.

It was faint at first, so faint that Bucky and Steve didn’t seem to notice. But you certainly did. You sat bolt right up, placing your own hand, where you just felt the little nudge from inside your belly.

“What, baby. What’s wrong?” Steve eyes, flash with concern. Both of the Alphas spring their hands away worried they had hurt you.

His voice only excites the babies again, and you feel another nudge against your palm.

“Feel, quick.” you grab their hands, placing it where your’s once was. You sit like that for awhile but nothing happens.

“I don't fe-” Bucky stops, his voicing catching in his throat, as his words, cause the babies to elicit another movement, right under his hand.

“Oh my...is that what I think it is?” Steve speaks, his eyes transfixed on your belly, as it jostles under his palm.

“I think so.” you breath a laugh, a third

“Are babies are kicking.” Bucky finally breaks his astonished silence, to press a kiss to your lips.

The babies continue to kick around your womb, and the three of you sit and gaze in wonder at your little miracle.

“Does it hurt?” Steve asks, when a particular kick, makes your back straighten a little.

“Not really. There is the occasional harder one, that leaves me a little breathless.”

“Take it easy in there, little ones. We love mommy.” he kisses just above your bellybutton.

“What does it feel like?” Bucky’s eyes were yet to move from your stomach.

“I don't really know how to explain it. It’s weird, really, weird. Just feels like someone is poking me, but from the inside. It’s strange.”

You sit like that for what feels like hours, both your Alphas feeling and touching your bump. Both taking it in turns to whisper something to your bump, and watch as it moved around, the feeling of a small lump pushing against their hands.

You leaned back against you pillow, the tiredness creeping up on you, as you let out a large yawn.

“Sorry baby, are we keeping you up. Do you wanna get some sleep?” Steve said, suddenly feeling guilty as he glanced over to the clock, to see the flashing red numbers reading, 2:35.

“No I don't want to ruin your fun.”

“Nonsense, sweetie. If you’re tired then we need to let you sleep.” Steve and Bucky moved from their positions either side of your bump, and rolled next to you. They squeeze you between them, Bucky allowing you some room, to lift your leg, and rest it over his thigh, to stop your knees from grinding.

“What should we call them?” you whisper, once you are all comfortable.

“We don't need to worry about that, yet sweetheart.” Steve smiles, you feel him press a kiss into your shoulder blade.

“But, have you thought of any?” you look over your shoulder, watching Steve trace patterns into your arm.

“I’ve thought of a few.” you faced Bucky as he piped up.

“What are your’s?”

“I’ve always like the name Dorothy, I like Dotty for short.”

“Dorothy.” you try the name out on your own lips, you didn’t hate it, you were certainly gonna put it on the list. “It’s cute, makes sense considering she’s gonna be little. Our little Dot.”

Bucky smiles as you say that.

“That’s a definite maybe.” you smile up at him. He grins looking rather happy with himself.

“What about boys names, we can’t forget about our little man?” Steve suggests, rubbing his hand across your stomach.

“Okay, so don't hate me for this..” you hold your hands up, already in a defensive position.

“Honey we could never.” Bucky brushes his nose with your’s.

“Okay, well... I actually don’t mind Samuel.” you squint waiting for Bucky’s response. He sort of just stared at you, as if he hadn't quite heard you.

“I like the name.” you feel Steve smile into your shoulder.

“Thought you would.” you hear Bucky mumbled, turning away slightly.

“It was only a suggestion, Alpha.” you curl into him, hoping by scenting him, he knows you still love him.

“I know, baby. I’m just not quite used to him, and you being such close friends.”

“Me and Sam, or Alpha and Sam?” you mutter, into Bucky’s skin. Bucky head snaps to you, before his eyes, dart to Steve.

“What was that, little Omega?” You feel Steve’s arms snake around you waist, and you giggle as he pulls you close to his chest.

“Nothing, Alpha.”

“Mmhm, sounded like something to me.” he nibbled on your earlobe, and you giggled and squirmed.

“I think, Alpha, feels left out.” you smile, pushing Steve’s head away.

“Aww, come here baby .” Steve says through puckered lips, pulling at Bucky’s arm, the supersoldier, pulling away.

“No, don't start something you can’t finished, our little Omega needs some sleep.

“I can sleep, Alpha, if you and Daddy want to have some fun?” you see his lips twitch slightly, when you call Steve daddy. You roll over Steve, and snuggle into the heat that Steve had left behind, as he perused the brunette Alpha.

“Come on, Buck. Give me a kiss.” Steve, rolls onto of Bucky, straddling his waist. Bucky turns his head, just as Steve tries to capture his lips.

“No Steve we need to go to sleep, it’s almost three in the morning.” Bucky tries to push at Steve’s chest, but he must have not been fighting very hard, as Steve easily overpowers him, smashing their lips together.

Bucky doesn't resist and soon moulds his lips with Bucky’s. You watch as Steve slips his hand between the two of them, travelling down and under the duvet. You know where it must have ended up by the Bucky’s hips jut up into the air.

“Fuck, baby. That feels so good.” Bucky groans into Steve’s mouth.

Steve pushes the covers away, watching as he leaves a trail of kisses down Bucky’s chest. All you can do is look on, and can’t help yourself, but get turned on.

You almost moan at the sight of Bucky’s cock, already hard and pulsating at the tip, a small trickle of pre-cum, dribbles from the top. Steve kisses up Bucky’s thigh, and around his shaft, narrowly missing it each time. You were glad to see that he doesn't only tease with you.

“Shit, Stevie. Please. Please, just put me in your mouth.” you feel a warmth spread up through your body ending at your core, when you hear Bucky beg.

“Considering you asked so nicely. You watching, baby girl?” Steve turns to your now wide awake figure.

“Yes Daddy.”

“Well, don't. This is Alphas’ time now. You need to go to sleep. We don't need you being little miss cranky tomorrow.” your mouth falls open at Steve’s request.

“Please Daddy.”

“No, darlin. Turn around and go to sleep. You said you could sleep through this.” Steve reminds you. He’s grasping the base of Bucky’s cock, and you glance up to look at Bucky’s face. It’s a little sweaty, his eyes are closed and his brow is furrowed, his mouth is hanging open, and every time, Steve adjusts his hand, a small grunt leaves his lips.

“Turn over, little one. Now.” Bucky growled, out of frustration as you were the reason, Steve wasn't blowing him.

You pout, but grab the bed sheet, and twist over, burritoing yourself.

“Good girl. Night, night darlin.” before you could give him any kind of sarcastic response, you are cut off by Bucky as he lets out a massive groan.

“Fuuuuck, Steve.” you can imagine in your head, with the audio being provided for you. Steve’s gripping the base of Bucky’s cock, whilst he kisses the tip softly, the same why he teases your clit. Before he licks a strip up your folds, and you can envision him doing the same to Bucky’s shaft, starting at the base, and slowly making his way to the tip, before wrapping his soft lips around it, and giving it a gentle suck, releasing it from his mouth, with a loud pop.

“That feels so good, baby.” you hear Steve hum around Bucky’s cock, at his words, which caused Bucky to elicit a load of loud grunts.

You peak over your shoulder, to see Steve’s head bobbing up and down, you can just about see his, hand is cupping Bucky’s balls, and he’s rolling them between his fingers.

You whimper at the sight and, Steve halts his movement. Looking up at you, with Bucky’s tip still in his mouth. He just points for you to turn over, but you jut your lip out, hopping that will make him cave, and allow you to watch.

He releases Bucky’s cock with a loud pop, and Bucky huffs in frustration.

“I thought you said you were sleepy, baby?” Steve quirks an eyebrow at you, he strokes Bucky’s shaft whilst he’s talking to you, which makes him breath a sigh of relief.

“I’m sorry Daddy, turns out I can’t sleep.” you pull the covers off of you, and full turn towards Steve.

“Then why don't you come over here, and help Daddy.”

A/N: A little bit of Stucky, for you guys. I’m getting a little more confident with writing gay smut. It’s just really hard, when you’re straight female, who don't own a penis.

Part Seven//

TAGLIST:

@mikariell95 @sexyvixen7@booboobella01@rororo06@vickstaahh @krazykatkay456@winchester-wifey@nightlygiggles @coonflix @broco8 @animegirlgeeky @amanda-the-fangirl @brunettebabylou @flyaway1221 @frozenhuntress67 @colourforanamee @bisexualbaby2001

#alpha!steve #alpha!bucky #avengers a/b/o #a/b/o dynamics #marvel fanfiction #marvel smut #omega!reader #reader insert #steve rogers #steve x reader #steve fic #bucky barnes #bucky x reader #bucky fic #stucky x reader #stucky #pregnant reader #pregnancy

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seraphjewel · 3 years

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Little Hope Thoughts: The Clarkes

This post will contain spoilers for Little Hope. Out of courtesy, I am going to put everything under a cut.

I want to put out two disclaimers before I get too far into this. The first is that this is only my interpretation of the story and the characters. I'm not claiming that this is correct or even the only way the events of Little Hope can be understood. Second, I am not familiar with magical practices or pagan beliefs. Again, I'm only basing all of my interpretations on what we're presented within the confines of this game.

I want to first focus on the Clarke family, and specifically the way that they died in the fire. There are five magical elements and each one correlates to a death. The element of earth is represented in the father James, who was crushed to death by the roof falling on him. The element of water is represented in the mother Anne, who died from smoke inhalation while in the bathroom preparing to take a bath. The element of air is represented in the older sister Tanya, whose scarf was caught on the balcony when she tried to jump thus leaving her hanging in the air. The element of fire is represented by the younger sister Megan, who was burned alive. The element of metal is represented by the brother Dennis, who is impaled on metal spikes.

I acknowledge that being hung is only one of two possible ways that Tanya can die. She can also die if she goes back inside the house and is burnt, which does ruin the theory of each Clarke family death correlating with a magical element. But I personally find that death really ridiculous-- why would you go back inside a burning house-- and am going to stick with her hanging death.

We can look at this a step farther with the trophies the player receives when saving each of them. Saving John earns you the “Heavy Burden” trophy, which again ties into the connection with earth. Saving Angela earns you the “We Are of Water” trophy which is probably the most obvious of them. Taylor's trophy is called “Free Spirit” and to me that links her to air. Daniel's trophy is called “Unbroken” which can refer to how metal is strong and difficult to break. Admittedly Mary's trophy, “Forgiveness”, doesn't tie into fire in any obvious way. But when I thought about it more I remembered that sacrifices were made by fire to seek forgiveness of sin.

You may be wondering what any of this has to do with anything. If you collect all of the clues you'll learn that Anthony had taken an interest in the occult and had a book on pagan beliefs with him the night he crashed his bus. You'll also learn that Reverend Leonard Carson (the reverend in the 70's) had an interest in the occult and was charged with teaching the youth. It isn't difficult to conclude that Anthony made the same connection of the deaths of his family that I just did, linking each one to a magical element. One clue points you to a newspaper where they determine it was a child's doll that started the fire. According to the pagan book Anthony was reading before the crash, poppets/dolls were believed to be linked to the person they were fashioned after-- sort of like voodoo dolls. Anthony could have believed that it was because the doll burnt that his younger sister Megan died in the fire.

But wait, there's even more to this! The player learns that whether the characters live or die isn't actually the goal in the story. The idea is to “save” them, and the main four characters (John, Angela, Daniel, Taylor) are saved when they confront their demons and tell the others to leave them behind. Since these four characters exist only in Anthony's mind, we have to then assume he was worried they were all damned and that through the game the player is making decisions to change the characters' attitudes and personality. In the short time we have with the Clarke family, we see that three of the four characters exhibit some behavior that at the time would've been considered sinful or influenced by the Devil. The father was an alcoholic, the sister was into hippy stuff and had some magical items, and the brother was into rock and roll and was in a band. I couldn't see any specific behavior of the mother that would've been considered sinful, which is why I think Angela was “saved” by her being supportive and her and John fighting their demons together at the end. Also her name, Angela, includes the word “angel” which emphasizes Anthony’s perception of her being more innocent than others in his family.

This still leaves saving Mary and Andrew. The way you “save” Mary is exposing Reverend Carver (the reverend in the 17th century) as a practitioner of the occult and getting him taken away. I have a lot of thoughts about Mary/Megan that I'm going to save for another post, but I'll try to condense it a little here. In the 70's we see all the characters (except for Anthony) yelling at her, pushing her away, treating her like a nuisance, or ignoring her. Megan has a piece of dialogue where she says “they blame me for everything”. I can see Anthony perceiving the newspaper pointing at the child's toy as the cause of the fire as yet another person blaming Megan for something. So putting the blame on anyone else would be breaking that cycle.

Andrew was “saved” in my play-through as well, though as of this moment I don't know if it was because I saved Mary or because Vince had Anthony arrested. I know that saving the other four doesn't matter since I hadn't managed to save Taylor in that play-through, which leaves Mary's ending and Vince's ending as the only factors. The interpretation of “saving” him will change depending on which of those factors actually played into his salvation. If he was saved by helping Megan, to me that means he carried the most guilt over her death. In his mind she was probably an innocent child with no perceived sinful influence. Also, he was her older brother and would feel that responsibility to care and look out for her. Not to mention the poppet correlation I mentioned earlier. When you do save Mary and she thanks you, his response is: “But I didn't save you.” You can interpret this literally, as in he was unable to save her in the burning house; you could also interpret this metaphorically, as in he wasn't able to save her from the corrupt reverend. It feels like that moment is him acknowledging this is wishful thinking on his part. I originally interpreted “saving” him by getting him arrested. Anthony has been living with the guilt and trauma of the fire for about forty years and it's possible that while he was judged innocent in the 70's, he never fully accepted that and still blamed himself. When he was arrested in my play-through, he seemed at peace with it. In that way “saving” him is giving him peace about the role he believes he played in his family's deaths, by having it acknowledged and punished, something he no doubt believes is long overdue.

There’s also the achievement of “save Andrew from himself” that you earn if the four characters are killed. Since I earned this by accusing Mary of witchcraft and having the demons kill everyone, I can’t say for sure the factor involved. Was Andrew saved because all of these visions were killed at the house, or would he have been saved no matter how the four were killed? Either way, it’s clear to me that letting the characters die saves him from their ghosts, the parts of them he hasn’t let go of for all these years. He was also arrested in my ending, so he could have been saved from himself in that any reaction to losing his family again was taken out of his hands.

Since this game is focusing on a person's salvation by confronting their demons, either option is valid.

I have more thoughts on other aspects of the game but I wanted to start with this.

#little hope #the dark anthology #spoilers #headcanon

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watchathon · 4 years

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Stitch Day Special: Lilo & Stitch

In case you’re finding this post just by browsing the tags I’ve used for this post, this is the Watch-a-Thon, a blog where I’m hoping to watch an episode of a show every one-to-two days, with a short blog post where I give my thoughts on what I’ve just seen. Each new point starts with a hyphen and a bolded first word.

- Like so.

But today? Well, today I’ve got an extra-special post in the wings about a movie, one of my favorite Disney movies, starring my absolute favorite Disney character: Lilo & Stitch!

- I like the variation on the Disney logo. That is the kind of stuff that they just couldn’t do with their new big fancy CGI logo.

- No clue why Jumba tried to deny that he created an experiment. I don’t much mind since it led to a funny joke, but c’mon, evil genius, you should be smart enough to plead guilty.

- “I would never, ever... make more than one.” *glances meaningfully in the direction of the series*

- “What is that monstrosity...?” He’s a cute widdle fluffball, that’s what he is!

- “Meega nala kweesta!” Canonically, this translates to “I want to destroy”, but that seems a little lukewarm for the reaction he got. Maybe a looser translation is in order...

There could be an entire aristocrats joke in those three words. The whole script to Batman v Superman. The opening notes to “Never Gonna Give You Up”...

Or maybe just “bitch”.

- Blood work is a lot different in space...

- Weird to imagine given the rest of the franchise, but Gantu was once a respected captain of the galactic federation.

- It’s easy to perceive Stitch as a dumb brute, but he’s pretty smart. He connected the dots all on his own, within minutes of his imprisonment, that if the guns are locked onto his DNA, he can use his saliva to trick them. Jumba wasn’t kidding when he boasted of his experiment’s intelligence.

- And not only was Gantu a captain, Pleakley was an expert on the planet Earth. Weird, innit...?

- “Are [humans] intelligent?” “No.” An exchange that only hurts more with every year.

- Love the implication that Pleakley was just suggesting several different relatives to assist with the capture of Stitch from when they were on the deck up until they got to the prison where Jumba was held.

- Now this is what we (or rather TVTropes) call an establishing character moment. A fish floats by holding a sandwich in its mouth, implying (soon confirming) that Lilo was the one to give it the sandwich, before rushing to the hula practice that she was late for, stopping to take a picture of a tourist along the way.

- And then after she arrives at hula practice, she explains that she had to give Pudge the fish a peanut butter sandwich because he controls the weather.

- No clue why the other girls are disgusted by Scrump. I always wanted a Scrump when I was a little lass.

- “Did you ever kill anyone?” Lilo asks the right questions.

- Nani, y’could’ve avoided this if you’d given a thumbs up instead...

- I don’t get the glare Cobra gives Nani after Lilo says that her friends need to be punished. Voodoo isn’t a failure of parenting. In many cases, at least...

- Licking Nani, growling after her capture, Lilo already has a lot in common with Stitch.

- Lucky that Lilo is such a quirky kid. The scene (semi-)explaining why she takes pictures of tourists was deleted, but it doesn’t feel like anything is missing because she already has a few habits that just plain inexplicable, like feeding Pudge, practicing voodoo with a pickle jar...

- Lilo wishing for an angel because of how lonely she is, that’s a sad moment. But also kinda funny in hindsight after she sarcastically names Stitch’s love interest Angel in the series.

- Lord give me the undisturbed...ness, of that frog who watched Stitch get run over by several trucks and only tilted its head.

- If they thought Stitch was dead, why did they keep it in the shelter? I mean, Lilo would probably adopt a dead dog, but she’s the outlier.

- I like how Jumba programmed, as part of Stitch’s destructive tendencies, an urge to steal everybody’s left shoe.

- You can just about pinpoint the moment where Stitch’s heart drops at learning that he’s on an island with no major cities.

- Just occurred to me that the badness level is red, and Stitch’s evil counterparts in the series (627 and Leroy) are both red.

- Ah, David. One of the best Disney love interests, mostly because he isn’t entirely a love interest. There is a mutual attraction, but Nani just isn’t ready for that with everything going on in her life, and David respects that and is happy to be a friend.

- I like how everyone except Lilo heavily suspects that Stitch isn’t a dog.

- Ohhh, the thought of Stitch having drank coffee. I mean, I’d love to see it, but it’d be Hell for Nani.

- Stitch looks just plain adorable with a lei.

- Well, Lilo, you did tell Stitch he should create something. And he did, he just destroyed his creation afterward.

- Pleakley is a gender-nonconforming icon.

- The first time we see Stitch doing something without even the intention of destroying anything is when he finds the book about the Ugly Duckling. It’s clear that he’s fascinated just by looking at it. And when Lilo explains the story? It resonates with him. Or, well, perhaps he wants it to resonate with him.

- I wish I had an evil koala dog that played records.

- Are we sure that “Meega nala kweesta” means “I want to destroy”? Maybe it means “I was born to dance”, ‘cause Stitch learns about dancing and in less than a minute he’s already an expert.

- I imagine this montage, or slightly earlier, would be when that deleted scene of Lilo trolling the obnoxious racist tourists originally came into play. And I like this scene, but, I do wish that scene hadn’t gotten cut. And I wish that they fully animated it and inserted it into the movie like Warner Bros did with The Iron Giant.

- Nothing cheers me up more than this scene of Stitch and his newfound family going surfing. And especially since Stitch is aquaphobic. He’s very much aware that he cannot swim, and likely wouldn’t survive if he fell off the board into the ocean. But even he eventually gets into the spirit of it, asks Lilo himself to go surfing, and enjoys a nice bonding moment with his family. And David.

- Of course Jumba and Pleakley had to ruin a perfectly sweet moment.

- And so we transition from a heartwarming wholesome moment, to a heartbreaking tearful moment. You can just see Nani holding back tears as she says that she needs to take Lilo home.

As for Stitch, David probably didn’t even realize that Stitch could understand him when he said that Lilo and Nani had a chance until Stitch came along. But Stitch did understand, and he’s visibly hurt by the idea. He always wanted to destroy, but in this moment, he’s ashamed of how he might have destroyed Lilo’s family.

- And the Ugly Ducking metaphor comes back, when in this moment, as Stitch is coming back to a family that he fears he may have ruined, he sees a lone duck... before that duck is followed by a big family of ducklings.

- Lilo says that Stitch cries at night. So, it would seem that even before he completely learned how to be nice, Stitch wasn’t entirely emotionless.

- This whole act of the film is heart-wrenching. First Nani gets confirmation that she and Lilo will be separated, then Stitch starts to fear that he may have caused it. Then because of that? Stitch leaves, taking only the Ugly Duckling book with him. And he can only see in himself the page of the Duckling, lost and crying.

- Then Jumba tells Stitch, who’s already in a bad place emotionally, that he was made to destroy, has no family, and could never have one.

- I don’t want to think about what happened to that chainsaw.

- There’s a certain feeling that comes up in the middle of this fight scene, where you realize that a house is being destroyed, a house belonging to a family that was very much at risk of separation. And you realize that this will only hurt their case beyond any repair.

- If the past day hadn’t been bad enough, Stitch is told by his best friend Lilo that he ruined everything, and to get away.

- And so Nani really does have her sister taken away. Now, taken away by aliens is a lot different than taken away by social services. It’s worse. This way Nani knows that Lilo definitely won’t get a loving family, and Nani will definitely never see her again.

- The confusion is visible on Jumba and Pleakley when Stitch goes and comforts Nani with a quote about family. All they know about Stitch is that he was made to destroy. And then, once he’s captured, he does just about the opposite.

- “Ih.” To this day I sometimes say Ih on reflex when asked a yes-or-no question. Guess I watched this movie way too many times as a kid, huh? ...I regret nothing.

- Originally, the big red plane-looking thing was supposed to just be a plane, and it would’ve flown through a city. And it was changed because it was too soon after 9/11. But me personally, I think the big red thing is real cool, and I like it flying through the valleys.

- “Stitch is unconscious.” I like that Jumba calls Stitch by his name here. In the series, he always calls Stitch “626″ but his name is Stitch. And I like the rare occasion when that’s respected by the mad genius who created him.

- I want to believe that Stitch dodged that laser for the sake of the frog he was holding more than for his own sake. Stitch is strong enough that a few moments later, he survives an explosion of a whole truck that he’s lying on top of.

- Stitch proudly calling himself “cute and fluffy” is another thing I just love. Might be reading too much into it, but I like that he can call himself by those descriptors and still have total confidence in his ability to kick Gantu’s patookie.

- My favorite scene in the movie, and the scene I took the picture from.

Stitch corrects the Grand Councilwoman about his name. And when he’s told that he needs to go in the ship (the implication being that he’ll be punished like he was meant to be at the beginning), he doesn’t rebel or try to escape. He only politely asks that he be allowed to say goodbye.

He explains that his family is “little and broken, but still good”, both explaining it to the councilwoman and reassuring Lilo and Nani.

This is the ultimate display of how Stitch has grown. And he grew because, despite what Jumba said, Stitch could find, and did find, the one true place he belonged: With a good, loving family.

- The Grand Councilwoman is clearly remorseful that they’ll have to separate Stitch from his family, but she can’t bend the law for this one case. And she doesn’t, but it just so happens that, legally speaking, Lilo owns Stitch. And, well, what self-respecting Grand Councilwoman would steal a child’s property?

- A lot of people (including middle-school me) say that the stuff with Stitch and the aliens get in the way of the story of Lilo and Nani. I disagree. These two stories are intertwined, both about people wanting to stay with the family where they know they belong. I just couldn’t, at all, imagine one without the other.

- Now this is the kind of ending I love. It’s become common for animated movies, sequels in particular, to end on the two main characters getting separated. But here? Stitch is now a definitive part of the family, and won’t be separated from them anytime soon. Anime? What anime?

FINAL THOUGHTS:

I guess I’ll be doing this on the rare occasion I cover movies...?

Anyway, this is a great movie. A modern classic. And one of very few things that doesn’t just hold up from when I was a kid, it gets better. When I was a tiny kid, I was only interested in the space aliens. When I was in my early teens, I thought the aliens were kiddy stuff.

But nowadays, I can truly appreciate it. I can appreciate how both aspects are vital to the movie. Lilo and Stitch are both equally important. You can’t have one without the other.

And most of all, I can appreciate the story of Stitch (as well as Jumba and Pleakley) finding a family, and Lilo (as well as Nani) saving theirs from being torn apart.

Lilo & Stitch brings me to tears of both joy and sadness every time I watch it. And I guarantee I’ll be watching it many more times in the future.

...Does it still count as a Stitch Day special if I’m posting after midnight? No, probably not. I thought I’d only take two hours, then I took four and a half. Guess that means I had more thoughts than I thought I did!

#Lilo and Stitch #Lilo & Stitch #language #Jumba Jookiba #Stitch #Experiment 626 #Captain Gantu #Wendy Pleakley #Lilo Pelekai #Scrump #Nani Pelekai #Cobra Bubbles #David Kawena #Grand Councilwoman #long post #my new best post yet #Movie

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lesbian-percy-weasley · 3 years

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Chapter 1: Chance Encounters

Ship: Perciver

Content warnings: none

Description: Young Percival takes pride in the fact his mother lets him forage alone but as his adventure into the woods goes on, one certain boy makes his day worse

~🌿~🌿~🌿~🌿~🌿~🌿~🌿~🌿~🌿~🌿~🌿~

Percival Weasley was a perfectly happy child by all accounts of the word. A faun of nearly 11 living on his family's small farm without a care in the world. He knew not of love beyond his mother and father and he knew not of prejudice. He was an innocent young lad and playful too. Not to the point to cause trouble his wee brothers Fredrick and George caused that enough.

At such a young age his mother already trusted him to forage alone. He held this task with pride. His older brothers William and Charles hadn’t been allowed to forage in the forest alone until they were much older than he was. There was great fun to be had foraging. Searching every nook and cranny in the forest brought young Percival great joy. When his mother had asked him to go today he got ready at once.

He put on his new linen shirt. It was still quite big but he was growing so he knew it would fit someday. His brothers always wore a belt with their shirts to make it more flattering but he didn’t see the need. It looked perfectly fine as is. He had put on his leather satchel. It was useful for carrying things like apples he picked or the lunch his mother made for him. The rest could easily go into a basket. Unlike other fae, fauns had no need for pants or shoes so they didn’t bother spending money on them. Percival then put his mustard yellow cloak on and he was ready to go on his merry way.

He walked down the stairs into the kitchen where his mother had prepared a lunch to take with him. Along with a basket and the list of things they needed. He had shoved the lunch into his bag along with the list. His mother had kissed him on the cheek and he headed out.

He stepped out of their cottage and onto the stepping stone path that led to the road. He had bid adieu to his father and older brothers who were working on their farmland. With that, he headed to the forest.

Percival had always found the forest quite peaceful. His wee brother Ronald was always scared of it since he was a baby but Percival found tranquillity in the forest. Her many trees surrounding him made him feel connected to something bigger than himself. The birds flying around, the sun shining through the leaves of various varieties of trees, The ferns and wildflowers forming a path for him. If he had it his way he would live in the forest. But there was no time for dilly-dallying he had things to get.

He opened his satchel and took out the list to see where he needed to go. On the piece of paper, his mom had written:

Ten green apples

A bundle of wild thyme

A basket full of hazelnuts

Some cornflowers for your sister she wishes to learn how to press them

Percival put it back into his satchel and then went on the hunt.

He had gathered the green apples and wild thyme for his mother before and knew easily where to find cornflowers but he was at a loss when it came to hazelnuts. He thought he might as well get the things he knew before worrying about it. He headed off to the green apple tree just right off the trail.

Climbing wasn’t a fauns forte. Their deer-like legs were made for running and jumping but not climbing. Still, Percival knew that to get the best apples you had to reach the top of the tree so forte or not he wasn’t gonna settle. His brother Charles had taught him how to use a rope to climb it so that’s what he used. He had become quite skilled in the mode of collecting. Soon enough he had all ten apples his mother had asked him to get.

Next was the thyme. He knew there was a patch not far from here. He had found his way back to the trail. When he was walking he noticed the wind picking up speed.

‘Great,’ he thought. ‘Wind spirits were just what I needed.’ out of all the things he loved about the woods he hated wind spirits. They were all a bunch of gits who would stop at nothing for a chance to mess with a lowly faun like him. He remembered the first time he went foraging. They had built up enough force to throw him into a giant oak tree. He eventually got down at the price of a broken arm but ever since then he wanted nothing to do with the lot of them

He let out a frustrated huff and put his hood up. That way they couldn’t mess with his hair more than it already was. Anyway, he had to find the thyme. In a few minutes, he had found a wild patch. He had knelt down to pick it. He didn’t very much enjoy the laborious work it was but it was better than harvesting the barely or milking the cows so he didn’t complain. Once he picked it he tied it with the string he had in his satchel. Then as he was getting up he was knocked backward by a strong gust of wind, followed by whispers of laughter.

As joyful was young Percival perceived himself to be, he could get quite flustered and fussy at times. And he was definitely susceptible to these emotions when it came to those dastardly wind spirits. It was like they took pleasure in ruining other’s days. But again, there was no time to cry about it. He still needed the hazelnuts and the cornflowers.

Percival had found a nice clearing and decided it would be a good place for lunch. He had taken off his cloak and his satchel. He grabbed his lunch his mum had packed for him. It was a piece of bread, a slice of cheese, some blueberries, and a bottle of ale. Almost everything was made on their own farm. He didn’t mind of course they didn’t have the type of money for other cheeses or ales and why would they waste it? Percival gladly ate his lunch.

He was just about done when once again a sudden gust of wind swept by him. It took the remaining blueberries and scattered them but it also blew his satchel, his basket, and his cloak into the creek behind him. Luckily the satchel wasn’t opened so none of the contents he spent the morning getting were lost but still now his cloak was wet. What good shall a wet cloak do for him?

He rushed to the creek at once to retrieve his things. As he was turning to get to it he saw a young boy already picking up his things from out of the water. He couldn’t have been much older than Percival himself was. He was wearing a shirt similar to the one Percival was wearing but his were tucked into a pair of light green breeches. He had worn a lavender purple mantle and a pair of shoes that were fashioned to look like leaves.

If there was anything Percival hated it was people helping him when he didn’t ask. It made him feel weak and helpless, two things he was not. He huffed over to the creek to get the rest of his stuff out. He didn’t want this strange boy meddling with his things. He had already grabbed the cloak but wasn’t quick enough to get the satchel and basket before Percival snatched it quite aggressively.

The boy was taken aback. He was only trying to help the young faun but he was clearly having none of it. He had a quite confused look on his face. No one had ever acted like this to him when he tried to help them before. Maybe it had something to do with the area. His friends had told him that people near the faun village always got quite mad at their tricks and were fun to mess with but he didn’t like making people angry and it was clear the boy in front of him was.

Percival wanted so badly to just go about his day and finish his foraging but the boy was still holding onto his cloak. He considered just leaving without it but he knew his parents would be mad at him. Wool wasn’t cheap after all. But the boy was just holding it, doing nothing else, saying nothing else. Just holding it as if he was teasing Percival, which only made him madder. He tried to take it out of his arms but the boy quickly pulled it away.

Percival glared at him in a way he never had glared at anybody. The boy was clearly messing with him once again. The boy had clothes and by the look of it he wasn’t poor either so what was the point if he didn’t need it? He had been pushed around by wind spirits but never had they tried to take something from him.

“Give me my cloak back.” Percival crossed his arms. He was trying to sound intimidating but his 11-year-old voice wasn’t on his side. “But why? It is still wet.” The boy replied back. “I don’t care. it’s mine, give it back.” “But you must let me dry it first. What use does a wet cloak have?” Percival was turning a visible shade redder.

“I did not ask you to dry it. I do not have the time to wait for it to dry.” He said, trying to grab his cloak again. “What is your issue? I only wanted to help.” “I DID NOT ASK FOR HELP,” Percival screamed. He had never screamed at anybody before but this boy filled with a rage unmatched by anything he had ever experienced. All he wished was to go about his day again

The other boy looked like he was about to cry. Never had anybody been this mad at him.

“Please if you just let me dry it I’ll leave you alone.” The boy pleaded. “Fine.” Percival huffed. At once the boy manipulated the wind to quickly dry the mustard yellow cloak. After the water fully left it, the boy presented it to Percival, who snatched it away and put it back on.

He started to walk away without another word but the boy continued to follow him. Frustrated and flustered, he turned around to once again confront him.

“I thought you said you were going to leave me alone,” Percival said quite bitterly. “If you don’t mind me asking, what are you doing alone in the woods?” “It’s none of your business and besides it appears that you are alone in the woods too.” Percival started walking away again.

“Are you always this rude to people?” Percival scoffed and asked, “What is that supposed to mean?” “You have been nothing but dismissive when all I have tried to do was be helpful.” Both of the boys stopped.

“I did not ask for help. I do not need help. Especially not from a wind spirit.” “I don’t know where you come from but I’ve been taught it’s polite to offer help to people who don’t ask for it.” The boy crossed his arms at him. “Well, I don’t appreciate it. I am perfectly capable of handling things myself which is why my mum lets me forage alone.” The other boys' eyes lit up when Percival mentioned foraging.

“Oooh I have never been foraging before but I have always wished to learn how to. Do show me how.” He pleaded with Percival. “Why would I do that? So you will know all the places and take everything from them?” His family has taken years to find the best foraging spots and he wasn’t about to give them away to this random boy.

“But please I wouldn't, I just want to learn how.” “I have said no plenty of times. Does that not mean anything where you’re from.” Percival said as he continued to walk away out of the clearing, leaving the boy quite dumbfounded.

The experience left Percival with quite a lot of dread. Whoever this boy was, he wasn’t someone Percival would enjoy spending time with. He had taken up so much time with his pushy nature and friendly disposition that it was rearing close to the afternoon and Percival still hasn’t foraged the hazelnuts or the cornflowers. He remembered where his brothers had shown him the hazel tree. It was in the clearing.

He had no doubt in his mind that the boy would still be there. But he had to get the hazelnuts. He had to swallow his pride and risk the chance to once again meet the boy. Once he entered the clearing once again, he saw the boy sitting on a stump looking quite sad. But Percival had no time for it. He would take ages to harvest enough nuts to fill his basket; it was no time for distraction.

Of course, the boy noticed his return but he didn’t want to anger him more than he already had. So he just watched him. Watch him climb up the hazel tree with his rope and carefully pick the hazelnuts one by one being careful not to slip. He thought to himself how much easier it would’ve been if he had helped but he had learned how the young faun thought about help. So it was better to leave it alone.

It had taken Percival quite some time to pick the hazelnuts. When he got done he noticed the sun was setting. It wasn’t a good thing at all. His parents had warned him to stay out of the woods at night. He never knew why but it was better not to test it.

As he descended he noticed the boy was still there. There must be some reason he was still there. It seemed ridiculous for it to be because of him. So he decided to show civility and ask him if anything was wrong.

“You don’t want to be in the woods at night. Are you waiting for something?” The boy looked up at him. “My friends have seemed to forget about me and I haven’t the slightest clue how to get out.” Percival had felt a little bad about the way he behaved before. He knew his reaction was uncalled for so he thought he should make it up to the boy.

“Well, you could walk home with me. I know the way out of the woods and after that, you can just follow the road into town.” Percival said and offered his hand to help him up. “Very well then. You shall show me the way out of the woods.” The boy said with a smile. And so the two went on. Out of the clearing and onto the path.

Most of the walk was spent in silence. Percival picked cornflowers along the way. The boy was quite confused about this. “Why are you picking those? Don’t you know that they are weeds?” Percival looked up at him with equal confusion. “They’re just cornflowers. My family loves them.” The boy laughed at this. “Why don’t you get proper flowers like lavender or roses?” “We do not have money for such frivolous things. And besides just because a flower grows wild doesn’t make it less of a flower.” Percival said quite defensively. The boy shut up after that. He couldn’t understand why this faun was so sensitive to everything.

Soon enough they found themselves out of the woods and back onto the village road. Percival turned to the boy. “If you follow this road you should find yourself in the village. I need to go home now but it was nice meeting you.” He explained quite cordially. The boy thanked him and went on his way.

‘What a strange boy,’ He had thought to himself. As they walked separate ways the boy had heard someone calling a name.

“Percy! Percy!” he heard a voice call as an older faun appeared on the road and ran up to the younger one. “What took you so long? Mum’s been worried sick.” “I got caught up with wind spirits but I handled it well and good, Charlie.” They continued to talk but by that time the boy was too far away to hear anything. As he walked towards the village he said to himself, “hmm, so his name is Percy.”

#harry potter #percy weasley #oliver wood #perciver #fanfiction #percy weasley x oliver wood #faerie #faerie au #cottagecore #slow burn #fauns

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incarnateirony · 4 years

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i think there’s a distinction that needs to be made. i think those with power over dabb & co are the ones who are exuding more habits of queerbaiting, while dabb and co aren’t. and because those execs are more or less invisible, the blame/fault is put on dabb as he’s the perceived figurehead of everything in the show when he’s not. anything he may want to put in the show can be easily vetoed by a higher exec so

Okay so I said I wouldn’t touch related issues facing wanky-side, but while this runs the line this is such a genuine, and valid thought process it feels worth addressing.

So in short: Yes. But no. But yes. But no. But we’ll see.

What do I mean by that? I’m going to put this behind a cut. But first of all I want to thank this Nonnie for at least trying to critically think about where the problems lead to. This is FAR BETTER CRITICAL THINKING than I see in this discussion most of the time and this. More like this. Nuance, discussion, idea trade, history. Let’s do it.

Okay, so.

How can it be yes no yes no maybe eenie meenie miney mo?

Because it really depends on what part of this 15 year legacy show we’re talking about.

What I’m about to say isn’t going to be popular, but I’ve said it before, I just can’t find the ancient ass post discussing it.

We’re going to rewind. Like, a fucking lot. A lot, a lot. This is going to be a history ride, and you’re probably going to wonder how it connects to the conversation at first, but bear with me.

Ignoring any personal frustrations I have with the casting of season 4 – frankly a chapter of this FUCKING show that haunts me somewhere in the ballpark of, “If my friend wasn’t dismissed as not white enough and got the role, would we have Misha, Destiel, any of this, would the show be on, would she have been chased off as the other actresses?” – and frankly these are the things people don’t even fucking *think* about.

TLDR a bajillion years ago CW made a casting call and we got this super cute character named Anna that Dean was slated to bend over in two seconds flat, as old canon used to be before modernly growing. The actress expressed discomfort, and frankly went over with the audience about as well as wet cardboard. And like, while I agree that a lot of women were hated for misogynistic reasons in this show, she really was about as interesting as a plank of plywood to me once she got past her first performance or two.

At the same time, this handsome bastard named Misha Collins auditioned for a bit role originally intended for 3 episodes and quickly extended to 6. But, identified as lightning in a bottle and with on-fire chemistry, while Anna waffled for *several* reasons, summarily, their story ends swapped. That’s… not like *exactly* what happened but it’s *basically* what happened. Anna became the herald and contagonist instead of Cas, and Cas quite frankly took on the role of the goddess.

With Lisa already entered before Anna, there’s no evidence whatsoever she was intended as endgame. Story flip. Thank you for everything last night on earth fall by angel banishing almost like this was foreshadowed woohoo! But… don’t lend towards a relationship. No point. Given, they made a few jokes on set at that point, but it wasn’t really an idea *they thought anyone took seriously*.

Coming from a phase where most of the leads were introduced to “slash fandom” by Wincest, which they literally used to torture and prank each other, the idea of this being anything serious really wasn’t on their radar. The one I remember most was Misha choosing to sit on Dean’s side of the bed as Cas in the famous “What were you dreaming about?” and Sgriccia being like “that’s kinda gay” “nah keep it”

I mean, is that… queerbait at that point? I don’t think it’s fair to really call it that. They respectfully tried to scrub out the leading romantic edges from what would have been Anna’s story, but ultimately, the human psyche kind of recognizes 8000 years of storytelling history subconsciously when using the Hero’s Journey narrative, so it was resonant. Nobody was crazy for seeing it. That didn’t mean it was right, that didn’t mean it’s what they were consciously leading anyone for.

Hell, Jensen didn’t even know what the fuck Destiel WAS until season 7 (”Deathstiel?”) due to the way cons, circuits, and fansites kept the conversation force-muted at that point. Anything they had floated somewhere in the area of “hah that is kinda gay I guess”, and even that there’s no evidence of being frequent.

Kripke left, the show petered, social media was new, and summarily, Sera Gamble was a dumbass and listened to the wrong crowd that seemed super big back when big accounts were a whole 10K followers and you had 50 asshats screaming as a coordinated group about Ruining The Show™. Ratings tanked, somewhere between Misha being fired and the show turning into a parody of itself with dick jokes that made it seem like Gamble was trying to target 11 year old boys for her audience, and like, that’s it, that was the season.

Until that nosedive spiral essentially turned into a shorthand apology reversal, a panicked and roughly written script that was *SO GAY* that *EVEN MISHA FUCKING COLLINS* couldn’t seriously choke out the dialogue. It was cheap, it was out of character, and as Jensen put it, the dialogue might as well have had him petting and sobbing into Castiel’s coat while essentially being like I SLEEP WITH YOUR COAT EVERY NIGHT TO REMEMBER YOUR SCENT UWU and shit that just LITERALLY vaulted from alien fascinated staring into desperate teenage gay drama in the body of a 30 year old man.

So yeah. Did I consider it reasonable to change that? Fuck yes I did.

Was what Sera Gamble did queerbait? Yes, actually. And she did it again in the Magicians. You see, Gamble had fucked over an audience, and then tried to exploit that audience in reverse when she realized she fucked over the *wrong* audience, but had zero intent of fulfillment.

And then magically, Sera Gamble didn’t fucking work there anymore after a whole like, year and a half as showrunner.

Now, at the same time, Dawn Ostroff was leaving the CW. Jensen’s had some pretty fierce words about Dawn Ostroff not understanding the show and how to manage it, but whatever. Bye, Dawn. Hello… MARK FUCKING PEDOWITZ. But at the same time, WELCOME BACK CARVER and most of all HOWDY DO NETFLIX, so nice to make a guaranteed deal with you (that ended as of this year due to a CBS merchandising meltdown).

When Carver came back, he said a lot of things. He… very tactfully called Gamble’s era trash by phasing it like “:) Watching the show :) since I left :) I realized :) a lot of our mythology :) has been difficult to follow :) so I went :) back to basics :) please help”, and others, like mentioning he had a three year plan on his desk. So 3. Season 8, 9, 10. He had notes for his S10 finale in mind and everything! Great stuff.

Now the fandom, at this point, generally didn’t pay attention to the network or production. In fact, the actor worship around here is some other kind of wild and I don’t know how after 15 years people haven’t figured out that it isn’t how to go about paying attention. Either way – plot switches, showrunner switches, author switches, and NETWORK LEADERSHIP SWITCHES.

Now, this little part here is speculation – but I am 99% sure that when Carver was pulling SPN out of the cancellation toilet, he had bigger things to inform the new execs about than “btw I might make it gay.” Like “Hey, since CW just got its netflix deal, if you give us another year we can import fresh demographic while bringing back Collins’ old fanbase by setting him back as a regular.” SURE, SOUND GREAT, MAKE MONEY, THX.

Cool. Cool. Make sense so far, you still with me?

Because at this point, S8 into early S9, fandom had gotten itself into all kinds of a stir. It was about to go canon, rite nao, said a bunch of bloggers, who at that point WERE pretty much chasing wallpapers and Tshirts and making the most bizarre uncorroborated parallel interpretations like “IF U PARALLEL IT TO MOBY DICK-” WHAT WHY WHERE– ??? BUT cAS = fISH

Okay, my fucking annoyance at what counted as lit crit in those days aside, we’ll get back on track. Everybody started vibrating for this shit because, you know what, S8 did resonate pretty strong, almost like authors were toying with ideas. I’m not gonna get into stuff about Robbie, I THINK fandom knows the statements he’s made and I don’t just mean the whole Destiel being canon tweet both antis and bitters descended on him to eviscerate him about. About what? Calling it queerbait!

So here we go, the great advent. About a year after a dramatic network shift, a CW exec was like :))))))))) I’D LIKE TO LEARN ABOUT THIS FANDOM THAT IS SUDDENLY MAKING ME MONEY!! WHAT SHOULD I DO??? TO TWITTER! HASHTAG TALK TO THEM!

[logs in]

Beep boop. “Destiel?” “Destiel?” “Destiel?” “Destiel?” “Destiel?” “Destiel?” “Destiel?” “Destiel?” “Destiel?” “Destiel?” “Destiel?” “Destiel?” “Destiel?” “Destiel?” “Destiel?” the FUCK is a Destiel? Wait what no I don’t know what you’re talking about representation isn’t our intention with these characters. “QUEERBAIT” “QUEERBAIT” “QUEERBAIT” “QUEERBAIT” “QUEERBAIT” “QUEERBAIT” “QUEERBAIT” “QUEERBAIT” “QUEERBAIT” “QUEERBAIT” “QUEERBAIT”

And then the network exec got so slammed he deleted twitter entirely and everybody popped confetti and felt accomplished and did NOT realize how fucking BAD that was. And frankly, anyone that did kinda didn’t want to admit it, because taking responsibility for that tire fire was… not… attractive. In fact, several folks are still around to this day, bitter blogging or making weirdass meta or accusing other people of wallpapers and Tshirts because that’s what they did so *YAY, PROJECTION!*

My own frustrated bitterness aside, I’m going to place some questions down, and not so much answer them as, now that the reader has really taken history in, let them decide:

At this point… is this queerbait?

Because this is when the queerbait yelling began. It’s when every fan with even a moderate platform or site blasted it out there.

It’s when the fandom made DeanCas a big problem.

And it’s also literally the same time Carver left his very first recorded, known direction with a romantic tilt, “The note I got from Jeremy Carver was to play it like a jilted lover, so that’s what we played there,” on LGBT author Bobo berens’ very first episode. Everyone runs circles around that modernly, or goes “SEE??? QUEERBAIT!” without realizing what the FUCK just happened here.

So, SPN went from cancel rating line to their most successful show between 7 and 9. Suddenly corporate sees their successful product *ON FUCKING FIRE* so do you know what happens?

Fuck it this IS one line I’ll break: Corporate panicked. They changed their press packets. If you noticed a bunch of media-adjacent people and their friends suddenly get bitter as FUCK in season 10 after still surviving the S9 mess, here’s fucking why. Because now that everybody spent the last YEAR trying to burn down the product yelling about shit that corporate had been literally blindsided by, they added temporarily a new section to the packet that included sexuality. They were, at that moment, suddenly listed collectively as heterosexual men. SEE, WE AREN’T QUEERBAITING IF WE TELL YOU THEY’RE STRAIGHT *will smith pose*

Congrats fandom, you have now officially made Destiel A Huge Problem™ to the corporate behemoth behind the shiny pictures. The iron curtain dropped. This is what you could call “Protect the Product Mode” if you will.

Now again, at this point: Is it queerbait?

Because at this point, S9-10 was rolling out. We all know it, Cain, Collette, *gestures off into infinity* But let’s fall back to Carver’s statement. 3 years. 8, 9, 10. You know what else happened season 10?

A bunch of shit, including shit Carver *wrote himself for the season 10 finale* got filmed, then cut. Coincidentally, it was all very gay shit. Things that pulled forward the Crowley/Abaddon Cas/Colette Sam/Abel parallels, arguing over who was who’s boyfriend, Rowena mentioning about them both being shattered at the Altar of Winchester (15.3 is calling), the secret admirer dream, I could go on. I mean, this shit literally would have shifted the entire storytelling arc to full-frontal taking that parallel and addressing it right up in your face. First you’ll kill your mistress but you’ll get it done, and then you’ll kill your wife. He’s your boyfriend no he’s YOUR boyfriend. You’ve BOTH been shattered at the Altar of Winchester. Really, this is what you dream about? Your secret admirer Cas?

K? K. K?

Is it queerbait for Carver to have entered with a plan? Is it queerbait for Carver to have been interrupted on that plan despite attempting to pursue it? And is it queerbait for the network to still lock down on that plan so close after the event?

You see why this conversation gets increasingly complex.

S11 rolled around, Carver was half in half out, Dabb was stepping in, big gay heart songs, take what you will out of that entire mess, and by S12 Dabb entirely took over and we started entering the era we are in today.

So let’s address where we’re at today.

Now :) I can’t say anything for sure :) because anybody that’s been to or worked on marketing stuff definitely has an NDA :) but let’s play for a minute. Let’s say with the stone wall up, a set of creators still wanted to actually *go somewhere* with this story.

“But!” remembered the network, “Remember the tire fire?! And all the people that hated the gay?! What about our profit?!”

“No,” a creator might say, “Tides have changed.”

“We’ll see,” a network might say, “Take it to market testing.” At which point, one would enter a few years of polling how the general audience reacts to this.

Now, if they were seeing promising numbers, they might be given a bit of rope. Why, let’s … just pretend. Totally. Totally pretending. That Dabb pitched this idea to take up Carver’s mantle. Let’s say that started S12ish when he took over. Let’s say they ran through hiatus. And then… authors might be given a little bit of a line. “Looks good, but we’re not sure,” said a network quite fond of its split conservative/liberal demographic, “Try it out a bit and see how it goes.”

And so an author room that would be full of LGBT creators fed out good faith groundwork. They might even be like YALL ITS NEVER TOO LAAAAAATE TO START ALL OVER AGAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN and just throw their whole boy howdy cowboy into that shit and get great ratings.

What if even if the results came back positive leaning, the network ho’ed and hummed and stayed noncommital? Might the creators scale it back while still writing it lowkey just in case they got flashed a greenlight? I know I sure would, woudn’t you?! Or I guess would you prefer we drop the whole thing cold and stop writing anything vaguely in the direction?

Difficult question, in reality, isn’t it?

So in this TOTALLY HYPOTHETICAL SITUATION, this leaves the authors holding the bag, waiting for a sign, and being held with limitations. And just in case anybody thinks “BUT AUTHORS CAN DO WHATEVER THEY WANT!! AND!! OTHER SHOWS!!!”

K have we come down to reality yet? So, sure kids, try the gay, we’re interested, but you can’t like, go Full Gay Frontal with it. You gotta imply the gay. Wouldn’t want to offend conservative america! Besides! We’re totally exploiting marketing making this LGBT content for you over here! *jingles a carrot on a stick* LOOK AT HOW MUCH WE’RE FLEECING ADVERTISING PROMOTING ALL THIS GAY STUFF FOR YOU AREN’T THE RAINBOWS GREAT?

Some creator of limited LGBT content: How’s the marketing looking?

Some network: EH! We’ll see!

Some creator of limited LGBT content: K guys we’ll scale it back to not upset them but don’t drop it.maybe we can have them hold hands at the end or if we’re lucky maybe they’ll say we can do the whole thing

Some LGBT creators: K

Making sense still? STILL WITH ME?

So at this point… is this queerbait, or is this business?

Put aside the emotional reaction. Realize this really only hit scale in S9, hit front line S10, and hit potential corporate discussion in this TOTALLY theoretic universe around S11-12. We’re talking 3-4 years. Not 10. And we’re talking only a few of it really being tested.

So again I ask, history minded: Is this queerbait, or is this business?

That’s where the nuance and complication comes in, and let it be said I am in no way defending the CW. I fucking hate the network. They have literally personally screwed over real friends of mine and I hope they choke on a whole bag of dicks with their bullshit, but honestly, the shit I have seen and heard would make people stick their heads in the sand like scared and ashamed ostriches for every time they trumpet “BUT OTHER SHOWS” – you don’t know what’s going on in those shows. You don’t know how they’re getting hardballed on budget decisions, you don’t know what that show’s marketed demographic is about, you don’t know what they demand cast how, you literally don’t have a fucking idea unless you’re up in that disaster zone.

And even IF you’re in that disaster zone, unless you’re truly in the upper echelon, you only know so much.

Now let’s pretend, again, totally metaphorically, and absolutely not inspired by a real person at all, that someone worked with the crew for a while and, because they saw support inside creeping upward siiiiince mmmm gosh we’ll say season 12 since that’s our advent and totally not when anybody specific started working there and telling fandom ladder fans what they thought they saw going on, only to get sad and bitter and angry and eventually leave, and all those friends, still abiding old bitterness from S9~, now get angrier because of somebody else’s burnout on their ITK level and perspective, even if that was *probably* aggravated by other work stress conditions as well, but hey! WHO KNOWS!?!?! :)))) What a weird hypothetical though and I’m getting weirdly super specific on it aren’t I so LET’S MOVE ON.

We’re in S12-13 discussion category now.

So my question is, from this perspective… when do you call queerbait? When not swept up in misguided hysteria… at what point do you say “Yeah, you know what, yup, that’s all queerbait”?

So we’re gonna take a bit of a break here for a second and really process all of that hypothetical world, where a creator pitched going for it, and got it put into market testing, and was given enough rope to hang themselves on if the network changed its mind.

After only a few years of conscious thought on it… do you even think the network is truly consciously misguiding specifically those fans, or do they see it as giving the fans something they want while testing the idea of possibly truly giving it to them?

Because here’s what fandom misses – the corporate perspective. And again, I’m utterly not fucking justifying the CW as a whole, but people look at this from the angle of fans, and then argue what they think is representative dialogue from the angle of fans, often while missing all of this history. All that history up till S9? That’s all very real. But looking at history in perspective… who are you going to blame for that? Is it fair to hold S4-9 to that five year stretch of queerbait when that was… pretty much fandom manufactured from blissful ignorance to begin with? I mean if you want to go yell at Sera Gamble Specifically okay (please don’t) but beyond that like– that shit? Is that anybody’s fault? Do you blame a company for actually shutting DOWN the talk of it on a press angle? Can we call that and S10 queerbait then? Was Carver’s attempt at writing through it queerbait? Was trying to continue the story in S11 after theoretic shutdown queerbait? These are all genuine questions that are not asked enough. Most people don’t even realize they need to be asked.

So back to Totally Theoretic Land, where S12ish market testing would have been going on to see if people really thought it was Gay N Shit. Like a lot of people in an overwhelming majority after the amount of apprehension the straight old dude running the network has ever since the goddamn tornado of horse shit that happened like a year after he took over. Probably not the fondest fucking memory for him either. Probably also why he dismissively called most of that demographic “casual fans”, because in Smug White Guy Brain, “tru” fans would have all known, I guess, exactly the shit I’m telling you in history backtrack so, look at the silly girls wanting the gay shit :) Ahhhh girlllllls

Okay so, my impression of douchebags aside, let’s give it 12-13 hiatus to give the first test rope lead and 13-14 hiatus for the next, only to have at best noncommital and uncertain numbers and authors, theoretically, cautiously pulling back while writing it as generally established and implicit, as if it might, I don’t know, go from BIG GAY DRAMA to DEADASS DOMESTIC all of a sudden despite ITS NEVER TOO LATE TO START ALL OVER AGAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN cuz get it, they started over, after he came in his room and played him. *elbows* You all get it right?

K. So maybe numbers changed. Maybe they don’t. Maybe I’m not comfortable talking in this hypothetical, maybe I don’t have access to this hypothetical AU’s current marketing data as of this year, I just don’t know! We don’t know where those cards fell.

But if, at this point, after 2-3 years of market testing, and leading authors on, and giving them enough rope to hang themselves with to get themselves accused of queerbait just for trying to lay good faith groundwork for a cohesive narrative, because fans don’t care that 2 open closet LGBT authors are on deck or that there’s totally theoretically probably and in no way fingering anyone at least one closeted author on deck, or at least publicly so, their coworkers would probably know. But I mean. That’s just. :) statistics. Right?

K whatever moving on. If at this point they’ve been boggley bounced around… you know, I gotta say. At this point… I might actually call queerbait if the network stonewalls it. At this point, they’ve had a few years to really get their shit together, and if they’ve just used it to play yo yo with LGBT creators trying to make content then yeah, go suck a whole bag of dicks.

The problem being with the lack of nuance in this conversation, you’re right, Dabb and co would catch it rather than the guilty party, which is why I HATE faux activism culture. If you’re going to be an activist pay the fuck attention to what you’re being an activist in, don’t bite the hand that’s feeding you just because it was a PBJ and not filet mignon, go after the bastard 1%’er that’s eating all the goddamn filet mignon. But nobody will. It never works like that. And then everybody wonders why this continues – be it in this show, or on other networks.

But hey. Maybe this theoretic network got enough material to change their mind. Maybe another executive got promoted that might help one of the other creators argue it to corporate with their new shiny title. Maybe they can convince someone. Convince them of what and to what level, who knows. Maybe just continue telling the established story, give them a divorce, mention marriage, divorce, dead wives, breakups every 0.2 seconds while they go through a classically framed dark point in the romance everybody with brains and eyes understands because, again, historic storytelling we literally all recognize, but pretend we don’t when stomping about personal representation lines? Or hey! Maybe it’ll go further. (Don’t hold your breath.) Throw in some other shit that even a straight guy would look at and be like “two dicks one chick that shit’s gay bro” because WE LITERALLY ALL FUCKING KNOW WHAT IT MEANS EVEN IF IT’S IMPLIED BECAUSE THE NETWORK IS A BUNCH OF PUSSIES.

…*stops, breathes*

If you can’t tell this is a very long term topic of frustration to me, because nobody, absolutely nobody, wants to introspect and think, you know, maybe it wasn’t queerbait back then, maybe we SHOULDN’T have set a corporate exec on fire about it, that might have been fucking bad.

There are other ways to be an activist than to scream queerbait into the void at whoever is unfortunate enough to cross your paths. One of the best examples I can remember is Exorcising Emily collecting demographics on fandom, and testimonials from LGBT fans about resonating with the content – no fanfic, no fanart, no attacks – and sent copies of this to several powerful creative names.

Now… if with this history… if, from season 9 to 12… one of those names became a creator. If, by some FLUKE of imagination… he still had that book around… and even gave it to his freshly joined new employees like 2 weeks after they started working there–

oh wait and i oop

The mentions would be much as you expect, antis screaming and demanding her job (QUICK, somebody tell Andrew Dabb that she’s READING ANDREW DABB’S OWN BOOKS THAT HE CHOSE TO KEEP AROUND FOR THREE YEARS).

Has Dabb’s era seemed… more plugged in? More resonant? Better and stronger in its storytelling? More hooked into fandom?

See, that’s what well thought activism can do. Well thought activism can structure an entire movement. Poorly thought rioting thinking itself as activism can cause the literal opposite effect of what it wanted. That is how these things contrast each other. And that is something fandom needs to DEEPLY consider.

…but is it queerbait for him to try to continue the story? Even if, say, we drop the marketing talk, because TOTALLY nobody can ACTUALLY know because AGAIN anyone that DOES would have an NDA so we DEFINITELY can’t say anybody knows anything for sure, because anyone that said jack shit would probably get sued so hard their descendents down in whatever homo superior evolution 1000 years into the future would feel it, so you know. We’ll put aside this totes theoretical shit and ask

…If he just was told no– would you prefer to just drop the storyline entirely at this point?

Again. Genuine question. And difficult. And something poorly thought queerbait screaming can actually cause, too.

So here we are in the land of the final season. Whether you consider it network queerbait or not – again, they can choke on the whole bag of dicks at a network level for all I care for ANY number of reasons, even well beyond the domain of Supernatural, and may all their bacon burn from here into the next life – it’s a lot more complicated than fandom has ever let it on to be, because letting it on to be what it really is, in full perspective, also demands a lot of introspection and acceptance, and we all know nobody in this fandom can ever make a mistake ever and they’re all fucking perfect darlings.

It’s a complicated answer to a simple idea… and unfortunately I don’t think this fandom will ever really sit here. They’ll yell “VICTIM BLAMING” because it’s buzzy, they’ll yell “HIDING YOUR GAYS” which I mean, yeah, but let’s talk about what led us here. They’ll yell a lot of things. But they will rarely quietly think, and study, and hone down to what’s going on in the world out there beyond what they have, at this point, become obsessively hotlocked on.

Supernatural, as of 15.7, has already taken several steps further than it ever is before. No, that’s not a signal of me saying [Your Personal Goalpost] is going to happen. But it’s a sign that if they have a line, they’re testing it with every strength they have.

Going back onto the Fateful Advent: Cain. The mentor– who was never going to stop; I can’t stop samuel; he was never going to stop; I will never stop; Rowena, the mentor, never going to stop, shattered, at the altar of Winchester. Long ago, when Cas was human, Dean sealed him away, and now, he’s doing the same to him. So Shirt Of Bad Decisions Deanmon basically karaokes with his friend like the Crowley days, REPEATING the Crowley dialogue but infinitely harder to dodge, as if some sort of calculated method of cat’s cradle of How To Write The Gay was discussed. Man, whoever wrote that kind of shit would probably even publicly thank whatever big gay mastermind helped them map out THAT level of stuff. Wouldn’t it be funny if most of that shit had been written by a gay dude that’s still around and it’s still popping back up in the show louder and harder to dodge than before? That’d be fuckin’ wild, man. Oh, fucking WAIT.

And this is why I hate the way shipping culture thinks it’s doing activism. Most of the time it’s cosplaying as an activist and at this point it’s become more of a furry convention than it has any kind of organized rights movement. Nobody’s out here fighting for the rights of these LGBT authors this year, nobody’s helping them get a voice, and in fact, often scream at them or bury what voice they’ve had as not enough.

And I want to fix it.

Desperately.

And frankly, I don’t know how anymore.

But what we’re not talking about is some 3-5 year show that came in early and started intentionally fucking at you. We’re looking at happy coincidences, so let’s check with our gay king, the father of Wayward that everybody coincidentally accepted as canon with far less because of a (meaningful) third party line DeanCas had elsewhere but hey it didn’t have antis so suddenly it counts; let’s check with him about that.

That’s my king. That’s my king that wrote the first recorded episode to be intentionally directed as jilted lovers. My king that gav eus Colette. My king that gave us the mixtape. My king that gave us the PR framed breakup. My king that gave us Cas leaving Dean. That’s my King. That’s my gay king who has been fighting his ass off, only to be hung out to dry by a fandom that doesn’t even care to look where or how to scream, or maybe consider that perhaps screaming isn’t the option.

Is he yours yet? Have I broken through to a single soul on this?

That’s my king who wrote about the necessary evils in 2003, before the youngest in this fandom were born and while many were still in diapers or kindergarten; about the unfortunate necessary evils that he loathes and acknowledges about moderate queer content gaining exponential amounts of platform compared to whatever is considered hardline aggressive at the time, about how that incrementalization is what helped our media landscape evolve to this day.

And he isn’t wrong.

And he’s getting roasted for doing just that.

And I really wish I could just psychically make everyone fucking stop.

But I will say one thing.

“It’s network queerbait!” I mean

Yeah

That

Because… realistically? like 99% of modern queer content is queerbait, even stuff with canon queer content.

ESPECIALLY on the CW.

If you’ve noticed CW panicking the last year and trying to slap rainbows and DARE TO DEFY on everything, it’s because their entire fucking ecosystem just got fucked over by CBS wanting 100% merchandising profit like it already took 100% digital profit and Netflix was basically like “miss us with your bullshit” and broke the CW contract which was *HOW PEDOWITZ BANKROLLED MOST OF HIS NETWORK*. Now? Now CW has to carve a niche. So LOOK AT ALL THE FUCKING PRIDE COLORS ON– OUR– STRAIGHT–CHARACTERS??? BUT WE HAVE GAY ONES LIKE LEGENDS OF TOMORROW AND *flips notes* THAT SIDE CHARACTER LESBIAN ON SPN.

*gets a whisper* What they killed her? Shit. Maybe bring her back. AND THERE’S THIS PERSON OVER ON JANE THE VIRGIN oh that just got cancelled uhhh VAMPIRE DI-wait fuck. Well we’ll just make one of the chicks in this shitty charmed reboot CBS just forced down our throat and killed Wayward over, that’ll fix it *jazz hands*

TV is a business. Businesses make money. The entire LGBT battle is basically us industriously proving we can make money. It’s about rights and visibility on our end, but on their end it is *always* about money and I really don’t think anybody really groks what that really means.

So “it’s the network! Queerbait!”

…yeahhhhh.

…welcome to working in television. Now you just have to sit and think about how many other times this has completely missed your radar.

The network will never get a shit about you, they give a shit about your money, and that’s just the reality of capitalist america whether we like it or not. When it’s 2143 and bernie sanders’ floating head in a jar is president and andrew yang’s base income shit is in effect and we’re all a socialist country and the world has figured out how to run high cost businesses like TV on the power of unicorn farts, they might actually give a shit. But they don’t. There may be a few advocates WITHIN the company that do, but as a whole body, the network will never give a shit. They don’t care if you’re black, white, straight, gay, disabled, male, female, beyond what, explicitly, that totals to in dollar signs depending how they feed you, when and where.

So it’s not like... *just* a queer rights issue, it’s an “Anything Trump’s America may consider offensive on their television” issue. It’s businesses weighing who they think pays their bills while making it and beyond that who they think is the safest investment to make the most money.

As a side note: Personally, I’d consider it dumb as fuck to not do it. SPN will taper within a few years down to just trekkie-esque addicts unless they find a way to get a new burst of viewership and boy howdie do I hope so, but how much Pedowitz overvalues the conservative US demographic, or certain international markets, I don’t know. I’m not in his head and I don’t have this year’s marketing numbers beyond basic live, +3 and +7 ratings, and digital calls. And just general nielsen released demo. But how he’s added that all up? Can’t say. And I sure ain’t gonna bank on him not being a dumbass, when he’s famous for it, so don’t go get your hopes up either.

#supernatural #representation #queerbait #intersectionality #business #corporate #marketing

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uncloseted · 4 years

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Hi Christina, hope you're doing well and staying healthy! I've been seeing more stuff about the enneagram lately, and I saw you analyzed gen one a while back. I was curious if you could also do the main characters of gen 2 and 3-- thank you!!

I actually did this once before and then I lost my entire file because my computer crashed. I’m super interested to know what you all think!

Generation 2:

Freddie: Freddie is a classic 9w1, “The Dreamer”. He’s constantly trying to maintain peace and harmony in his life and avoid conflict, whether internal or interpersonal. Some people accuse him of being boring, but it’s not true- he’s just willing to go along with other people to keep the peace. He’s accepting, trusting, stable, and supportive, but he can also simplify problems and minimize upsetting things for his own peace of mind. He has a lot of trouble with inertia (“to be or not to be?”) and caring enough about things to act on them. At his best, he’s receptive, patient, accepting, and an emotional rock for the people around him. But at his worst, he can be ineffectual and repressed and has a tendency towards tuning out reality for things that are more

pleasant.

Cook: 8w7, “The Maverick”. Cook is self-confident, strong, and assertive. He’s resourceful and decisive, but can also be egocentric and domineering over those around him. Eights feel like they must control their environment and the people around them, which can lead to them being confrontational and intimidating. Cook has a problem with his temper and allowing himself to be vulnerable. He fears being harmed or controlled by others and seeks to be in control of his own life at all times and at all costs. He wants to be self-reliant, to prove his strength, and to be important in his world. At his worst, he’s destructive, ruthless, combative, hard-hearted, belligerent, and violent, engaging in criminal acts in an attempt to protect himself. At his best, he’s a natural leader, authoritative and decisive, carrying others with his strength.

JJ: 6w5, “The Defender”. 6s are reliable, hard-working, and responsible. They’re loyal, committed, and security-oriented. They fear being without support and guidance and they want security, to feel supported by others, to have certainty and reassurance, and to lessen their anxiety and insecurity. Like other 6s, JJ can be cautious and indecisive, but also defensive, evasive, and anxious. At his worst, he becomes panicky, volatile, and self-disparaging, with feelings of inferiority. He sees himself as defenseless and seeks out a stronger authority to resolve his problems (usually Cook, but sometimes Freddie). He can be reactive and defiant when pushed (when he goes to the brothel with Cook comes to mind). He invests his time and energy into the things he believes will be safe and stable, and thrives on organization and structure. As he grows throughout the series, he becomes more self-affirming, trusting of himself at others, and “independent yet symbiotically interdependent and cooperative as an equal”.

Katie: Katie is a 3w2, “The Charmer”. She’s self-assured, attractive, charming, ambitious, competent, and energetic, but also status-conscious and driven for social achievement. She’s a social climber, interested in status and success. She can be overly concerned with h er image and what others think of her, and has problems with competitiveness, even when the people around her don’t realize they’re in a competition at all (her relationship with Effy is a good example of this). As she grows in the series, we see her become self-accepting and authentic. She becomes a role model who inspires others. She’s driven by a desire to feel valuable and worthwhile, to be affirmed, to distinguish herself from others, to have attention, to be admired, and to impress others. At her worst, she becomes vindictive, attempting to ruin other people’s happiness through devious and deceptive actions. She can be jealous of others and as a result of that insecurity, becomes a self-promoter with inflated notions about herself and her talents. She can be highly concerned with how she’s perceived and morphs into what other people expect her to be, without thinking about what she wants.

Emily: Emily is a good example of a 2w1, “The Servant”. She’s empathetic, sincere, friendly, and warm-hearted, but she can also be people-pleasing and does things for others in order to feel needed, even if they don’t want her help (Naomi’s political campaign). She fears being unwanted and unloved by the people she cares most about (Naomi and Katie). What she wants most is to be loved, to express her feelings for others, and to be needed and appreciated. She’s at her best when she can help people achieve their goals. At her worst, though, she believes that she must always put other people first if she wants to be loved herself (we see this particularly in her relationship with Katie), which makes her angry, bitter, and resentful towards others. In this state, she can be manipulative and self-serving, taking the role of the victim and instilling guilt in others (we see this particularly after Sophia dies).

Naomi: Naomi is a 1w9, “The Idealist”. Like Naomi, ones are conscientious, principled, and ethical, with a strong sense of right and wrong and a desire to improve the world. However, she’s also afraid to make mistakes, and can slip into being critical and perfectionistic, even to the point of being hypocritical. She has problems with resentment and impatience. Naomi is driven by a fear that she’s defective and wrong (both in terms of her sexuality, but also in terms of her actions), and is motivated by being right, being consistent with her ideals, improving the world, to justify herself, and to be beyond criticism from others.

Effy: 4w5, “The Bohemian”. I had a lot of trouble deciding between 4w5 or 2 for Effy. It’s hard to tell what type she is because her mental illness impacts her personality in a very real way. Ultimately, I chose 4, even though I do think her core fear and desire line up more directly with 2- she’s afraid of being unwanted and unworthy of being loved, and her basic desire is to be loved for who she is. Like 4s, Effy is self-aware, sensitive, and reserved. She’s emotionally honest and personal, but can also be moody. She withholds herself from others due to feeling vulnerable and defective, and has problems with melancholy, self-indulgence, and self-pity. She wants to find herself for who she is outside of her mental illness, wants to withdraw to protect herself, wants to take care of her emotional needs before attending to anyone else’s (Pandora’s birthday party comes to mind), and to attract a rescuer (her relationship with Freddie is this in some ways). 4s often feel that they’re unlike other people, and because of that, nobody can understand them or love them adequately (“sometimes I think I was born backwards, come out me mum the wrong way”). They see themselves as uniquely talented, possessing special gifts (Effy’s perceptiveness), and so they can be self-confident, but simultaneously they see themselves as uniquely disadvantaged and flawed. While they feel different from other people and distance themselves, 4s don’t really want to be alone. They want to connect with someone who fully understands themselves and their feelings. At her best, she can be sensitive and intuitive, gentle, tactful, emotionally honest, and compassionate towards others. At her worst, she becomes hopeless and self-destructive, tormented by morbid thoughts. She believes that other people are the problem, so she drives them away even when they’re trying to help her.

Pandora: This might be controversial to people who know the Enneagram, but I think that Pandora is a 5w4, “The Iconoclast”. At first this seems unusual, since 5s are seen as intense and cerebral, words that we wouldn’t generally think of to describe Pandora. But 5s greatest fear is being useless, helpless, or incapable, sentiments that Pandora frequently echoes throughout the series. Her basic desire is to possess knowledge, to understand the environment, and to have things figured out. As we find out as the series progresses, she does have a curious, cerebral element to her, to the point where she goes to Harvard to study history. Pandora is alert, insightful, and curious. She’s inventive and innovative, but she can be eccentric. At her worst, she disintegrates towards 7. She becomes isolated from reality, eccentric and unstable, and can be detached from the “real world”. At her best, she’s open minded, perceptive, and excited by learning new things, particularly as she begins to build self-confidence.

Thomas: Thomas is a 1w2, “The Advocate”. Like Naomi, he’s conscientious, principled, and ethical. He strives to be honorable in everything he does. He feels a strong obligation to his family, even at his own expense, which is where the 2 wing comes in. He’s well-organized, orderly, and fastidious, holds himself to high standards, and is always trying to improve his life and the lives of those around him. He’s willing to sacrifice comfort and stability for the hope of a better life, both when he leaves the Congo and once he gets to Bristol. At his worst, he preaches doing the right thing but does the opposite (sleeping with Andrea), and can be dogmatic and self-righteous.

Generation 3:

Mini: 3w4, “The Professional”. Mini is afraid of failure, which she defines as being like her mother. She throws herself into everything she does in order to succeed, regardless of what she has to do to get it. Mini is attractive, charming, and ambitious, but she’s also overly concerned with her image and what other people think of her. Like Katie, she’s very competitive, even with people who don’t realize they’re in a competition (for Mini, this is Liv). At her worst, she’s exploitative and opportunistic, willing to do “whatever it takes” to maintain her image of being superior to others. She can be devious, deceptive, and untrustworthy, maliciously betraying and sabotaging people to get ahead of them. She’s often jealous of others, even when she shouldn’t be, and can be vindictive in an attempt to ruin other people’s happiness. At her best, though, she’s self-assured and competent. She has a full heart, and she becomes gracious and motivated.

Liv: 6w7, “The Confidant”. Liv is committed and security oriented. Given her tumultuous home situation, her family often relies on her to provide stability, and her friendships are similar. She’s reliable, responsible, and trustworthy. She’s an excellent “troubleshooter”, foreseeing problems and fostering cooperation between people. However, she can also become defensive and anxious, running on stress while complaining about it. She can be both cautious and indecisive while also being reactive, defiant, and rebellious. She fears that she’ll be without support and guidance and searches out the security and support that she doesn’t get from her family in others (particularly her friends). She’s loyal to others because she doesn’t want to be abandoned or without that support, and she seeks out people who are stronger than she is to provide a sense of stability (which is the foundation of her friendship with Mini). To compensate for her insecurities, she can become sarcastic and belligerent, blaming other people for her problems. At her best, she’s appealing, endearing, lovable, and affectionate, good at bonding with others and forming permanent relationships and alliances with others.

Franky: 4w5, “The Bohemian”. Franky is self-aware, sensitive, and reserved. She’s emotionally honest, creative, and personal, but can also be moody and self conscious. She sees herself as being defective (“when I was six, the teacher asked me to think of something beautiful. I said 9/11, I saw it on the TV in this care home with the sound on mute. The teacher told me how many people had died and all the other kids in the class cried and I knew then that I was… wrong. I guess that’s why my parents gave me up. Because they knew too. Right from the beginning.”). She wants to find herself and her personal significance, to create and surround herself with beauty, to express herself and her individuality, and to protect her self-image. She can struggle with melancholy and self-pity. She feels that she’s missing something in herself, but she has difficulty identifying exactly what that thing is- in truth, the thing she’s missing harkens back to the question on the whiteboard in series 5- “does choice define identity?” Franky is unsure about aspects of her self-image and feels that she lacks a clear and stable identity, particularly in interpersonal situations, so throughout her series 5 episode she tries on different identities to see if she might be able to choose one that fits. She has negative self-image and low self-esteem, and she has trouble letting go of feelings from the past. Sometimes, she has become so attached to longing and disappointment that she’s unable to recognize the good things in her life (particularly true when it comes to her parents). At her best, she’s profoundly creative, inspired, self-renewing, self-aware, introspective, and individualistic.

Grace: 9w1, “The Dreamer”. Grace is a chameleon, a classic trait of 9s. She is who she needs to be for everyone she’s around, and that can be disconcerting for a lot of people because it seems like she doesn’t have a “true” identity. But 9s are the crown of the Enneagram- they encompass elements of all the other types- so when she’s being a chameleon, Grace is being true to herself. She’s accepting, trusting, and provides stability to her more chaotic friends. She’s creative, optimistic, and supportive, but she’s often too willing to go along with others to keep the peace (like the time she agrees to do cocaine to get out of an uncomfortable discussion), and she avoids conflict and tension even when they need to be had. She’s afraid to be separated from her family and her friends, and she seeks out inner stability and peace of mind. She often acts as the peacemaker between her friends and between friend groups. At her worst, she’s repressed and disengaged, and she disappears into the world of fairytales to avoid confronting reality.

Rich: 4w3, “The Enthusiast”. Rich’s deepest fear is that he has no significance in the world. 4s desire uniqueness and personal identity, and long to be authentically different from others. He’s sensitive, reserved, emotionally honest, and creative, but tends to be very moody and self conscious. He withdraws from others due to fears of being vulnerable and defective, and feels disdainful and exempt from ordinary ways of living. He has problems with melancholy, self-indulgence, and self-pity. Fours often feel that they’re missing something in themselves, but have difficulty figuring out what exactly that is. To cope, Rich looks for himself through easily adoptable outward identities which he clings to (“being metal”). He sees himself as fundamentally different from others and needs to express that in his physical presentation and interests as well as in his personality. He fears that no one can understand him or love him adequately, which is why his relationship with Grace really shakes up his life and his self-image. Deep down, Rich is a romantic, looking for someone to come into his life and appreciate the secret self he’s hiding from the world. 4s typically have problems with negative self-image and low self esteem, which they compensate for by cultivating a fantasy self- an idealized image of themselves that’s built up in their imaginations (again, for Rich, that’s “metal Rich”). However, they often fall short of becoming their idealized self (Rich doesn’t actually play metal music and he’s not actually part of that “scene”). At his best, he’s self-aware, introspective, true to himself, and sensitive. At his worst, he can be self-absorbed and introverted, moody and hypersensitive, shy and self-conscious.

Alo: 7w6, “The Entertainer”. Alo’s a pretty classic Enneagram 7. He’s extroverted, optimistic, versatile, and spontaneous. Playful, and high spirited, but also scattered and undisciplined. He’s constantly seeking new and exciting experiences, even when the people around him aren’t interested, and often without doing his research first. He struggles with impatience and impulsiveness. He wants to maintain his freedom and happiness, to avoid missing out on experiences, to keep himself occupied, and to avoid pain. At his worst, he’s running from himself and from aging (we see this a lot in his storyline with Poppy), acting out impulses rather than dealing with his frustrations. At his best, he’s excitable and enthusiastic about everything. He becomes joyful and appreciative of what he has.

Nick: 8 with equal wings, both “The Maverick” and “The Bear”. Nick is a born leader, as we see when he captains his rugby team. He’s self-confident, strong, and assertive, but also protective, resourceful, and decisive. He can be somewhat domineering, particularly early on in his relationship with Mini, and can at times be confrontational and intimidating. As we can see in his confrontations with his father, he has problems with his temper and dislikes being controlled by others. As he grows, he becomes magnanimous and a protector of others. He’s self-assertive, self-confident, and strong, having learned to stand up for what he needs and wants. He has a resourceful, “can do” attitude and can “make things happen”.

Matty: 4w5, “The Bohemian”. Like our other 4s, Matty is sensitive, reserved, moody, and self-conscious. He’s disdainful towards others and feels exempt from ordinary ways of living. He has problems with melancholy, self-indulgence, and self-pity. He feels like he is fundamentally defective when compared to his brother, and worries that he has no true purpose or significance. He compensates for this by creating a fantasy self who is mysterious, brooding, and intellectual, but this image of himself falls apart somewhat when tested. While he feels different from others, he doesn’t really want to be alone, and we see him searching for his person who can connect with him and understand his feelings throughout generation 3. At his best he’s individualistic and introspective, with a romantic, artistic approach to life, heightening reality through fantasy, passion, and imagination. At his worst he’s self-inhibiting and angry with himself, depressed and alienated from others and ashamed.

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