#and knowing this goes with being more willing to forgive and offer second chances

[jacenbren]

Apologies for yet another nonsensical insomnia rant but the fact that Legato Bluesummers a) has never truly been a free man and b) cannot fathom ever living outside of servitude. really hurts man. Like ohhhhhh boy.

In the ‘98 anime (due to trimax being incomplete at the time), we never really got to see the real dark and nasty bits of Legato’s story, and trigun stampede hasn’t yet gotten a chance to really delve into his character. While Legato still served the same purpose as he did in the manga with similar events playing out, I think a lot of his character’s depth was missing in tri98—we never really learn why it is that Legato is so deeply devoted to Knives, and he’s portrayed as a lot more… theatrical?? than he is in the manga?? anyway. Tri98 Legato serves his narrative purpose and is a great villain, but he seems a bit shallow, for lack of a better word, mostly because we don’t actually get to learn a lot about him.

In comparison to his counterparts, trimax Legato is… kinda a loser. The second we meet Knives, Legato gets crumpled like a soda can and spends the majority of the series as a quadriplegic who sits menacingly in the shadows in his body brace/coffin thing (which I affectionately like to call his Bitch Cocoon). He spends his time being very weird and unlikeable and tormenting Vash in various ways, all while dramatically singing Knives’s praises, despite him being the guy who quite literally rearranged all of Legato’s limbs and permanently crippled him. All in all, despite being an absolute menace in combat and just a generally fucking unsettling guy, Legato’s kind of pathetic and really easy to dunk on at first. Just ask Elendira, who roasts the shit out of him on a daily basis because she’s bored and even “accidentally” chucks a glass of water at him! He’s an easy target!

However, I think this makes the absolute gut punch that is finding out why Legato is the way he is infinitely worse, which I absolutely adore from a narrative and storytelling standpoint.

Legato has been a slave since he was a child, in every way but name—well, he was literally a slave as a child, and more specifically, a sex slave. He grew up knowing nothing other than the absolute worst of humanity, instilling a hatred towards his own kind that would last his entire life. It’s made abundantly clear that Legato doesn’t value himself in the slightest, because he grew up as little more than a commodity, to use and dispose. When Knives razes the city Legato’s being held captive in, and goes to kill him, this is the first act of kindness he has ever received, and yet also the greatest unkindness—Knives has destroyed Legato’s life, no matter how abhorrently shitty it was. Legato has never lived a life outside slavery, so he has no idea what to do with himself.

So he turns to Knives. Millions Knives, whose goal is to eradicate the humans who have done nothing but make Legato suffer. Knives, who seems all too willing to put him out of his misery should he turn down Legato’s offer to serve him.

Legato cannot fathom a life without a master, without pain and suffering and servitude. He cannot comprehend the idea of freedom, and most of all, he can’t understand Vash. He can’t understand that someone whose kind has been used and abused by humans for centuries, who’s suffered for decades alone in the desert, could find it in himself to forgive and love the ones who hurt him so unconditionally. Vash’s very existence infuriates Legato, because Vash is a mirror image of him—a mirror image whose trauma didn’t swallow him whole and turn him into something despicable. Sure, Knives might’ve saved him, but he’s just another master to serve. Knives broke every bone in his body as punishment for disobedience, and yet somehow, Knives still favors his brother—who keeps running, who keeps refusing, who keeps avoiding his past—over Legato, who’s sworn to never disobey his orders again.

Vash is what Legato could’ve been. Vash is what Legato desperately wants to be. The problem is, Legato refuses to heal, and he doesn’t want to be fixed, either.

#i think about him a lot #legato bluesummers #the load-bearing twink of trigun #trigun #trigun maximum #trigun meta #trigun maximum spoilers #cw mentions of child abuse/csa #basically cw for legato’s entire backstory

[gentrychild]

Weak Hero AU role swap where Gray was bullied and fell off the roof. Stephen became obsessed with defeating bullies, transferred to Eujang and befriended the gang, etc. Gray woke from his coma with a lot of medical debt and joined Donald Na to pay it off. Thanks!

I tried to hard to keep that to five headcanons... So hard...

1 - It's so much worse because Stephen was the one to bring what's-his-name into the group. He feels so guilty about it and that leads him to not liking giving people second chances or even chances at all. He Is Done Trying To Be The Good One. It gets better thanks to the Eunjang's crew influence but instead of being feral like Gray, that boy is bitter.

2 - Meanwhile, Gray wakes up from a coma (so if you thought he was a toothpick before...) and he is in a ton of medical debt. Finding a honest high-paying job as a high schooler would be a waste of time so he goes straight to blackmail. He visits the three morons who threw him from a roof and calmly inform them that yes, he is a bit mad about the roof incident but he is willing to forgive and forget if they give him a shit ton of money or he is going to break every bone in their bodies. The three bullies laugh in his face. The next day, one of them is found broken, like he was hit several times by a car. The bullies stop laughing.

3 - Now, the bullies' problem is that their parents are currently broke (politician caught in an embezzlement, CEO who got scammed by his mistress who ran off with his wife and his neglected daughter and the last one got involved with a cult) so they are terrified. They can't call the police because they could discover that they threw a whole fellow student from a roof. One of them uses what's left in his bank account to hire some thugs (not the cool mobster ones) to kill Gray and the other goes to the Union and begs Donald Na on his knees to protect him from a two-legged-toothpick who just woke up from a six months coma. (I will let you imagine Donald's face when he heard that one.)

4 - Donald investigates a little on Gray and finds out that he isn't a physical threat (listen, his intel is sixth-months-old, it's not his fault) but smart so he sent Jake to find him and to convince him to back down so Kingsley has more than two hours to make research about him. Jake calls him one hour later, absolutely panicked because that Gray Yeon has trapped a bunch of mobsters in a warehouse, locked them in, there is some strange probably toxic smoke coming out of him, the thugs are screaming and Gray has just lit a match. What is he supposed to do? And now, I won't say Donald grew a little infatuated that day but that was probably the start of something. He tells Jake to call the cops because he doesn't want that one to be arrested for murder just yet and obviously, Gray runs (well, walks fast) as soon as he hears the sirens.

5 - Now, Gray isn't stupid and has realized that during his coma, those morons have managed to lose all of their money. He is just soothing his nerves and redistributing some karma around. But he needs money ASAP because he is in a position where he can't even drop high school to work because he isn't even healthy enough to do so. So when someone he, at first, suspects to be a hipster, comes and visits him to offer him a job that involves working in an organization full of bullies, yes, he tells him to fuck off... but he doesn't really has a choice.

Kingsley: "What do you bring to the Union?"

Gray: "Some desperately needed braincells and if you can't even guess that much, the situation is even more dire than I thought."

6 - Gray has three rules in order to work with the Union: "Don't be stupid.", "Don't be needlessly cruel." and "Do. Not. Be. Stupid." And I want you to know that, at first, Gray and Donald make a great team. There is a lot more blackmail of greedy and corrupted people, the money is coming and Kingsley is even starting to like Gray. But because of Ben, Eunjang is still a problem.

7 - Now, Kingsley and Ben are aware that Stephen is Gray's former childhood friend that he hasn't contacted for unknown reasons (Gray doesn't want Stephen to see him working with criminals and blaming himself for it) but one thing is certain: they do not want Gray to feel even one bit of sympathy for Eunjang so no one in the entire organization is allowed to mention Stephen if Gray is in the same city or they will personally explain themselves to Donald Na. Now, Gray is aware that Donald is aware that Donald is hiding something so instead of math mind game telepathy, you get just mind game telepathy and Kingsley being slightly creeped out by them.

8 - Of course, thanks to the power of Fate (and the local eldritch owl), Stephen and Gray meet. They talk. They rejoice. They start seeing each other again. But things are complicated. First, Stephen understands pretty quickly that Gray is working for the Union and he is blaming himself for it and wants him to get out. Second, Gray has changed a lot. He is more bloodthirsty, for lack of a better world. He likes to fight. He likes to destroy arrogant people. And it shouldn't be a problem, because Stephen also changed a lot, but unlike Gray, he wants to return to what he previously was.

9 - Now, Donald knows about Stephen and Gray being friends again pretty quickly and he isn't happy about it. There is some jealousy here because at this point, Donald and Gray have become friends and Donald never had an intellectual equal before. There is also the fact that he would be pissed to lose such an efficient lieutenant for something as dumb as a friendship that didn't even bring Gray anything. Add to that the fact that Ben keeps defeating Donald's people and the fact Donald wants Eunjang not to be a problem anymore, with extreme prejudice, while Gray is arguing against it.

10 - Things go absolutely explosive where we reach the part where we reached the part where a stupid adult destroys the Union by signing something without actually reading the paper. Just like canon, Donald desperately tries to fix this mess, to just find the one solution. Unlike canon, when Donald doesn't find it, he shows up wherever Gray lives and orders him to find a solution. When Gray can't, Donald doesn't know if it's because he can't or because he doesn't want to and strongly suspects the latter. Gray is fired and told that if he allies himself with Eunjang, Donald will kill him.

11 - Canon follows its course. Eugene is attacked. Eunjang and the Union go to war. Unlike canon, Stephen asks for Gray's help. And Gray agrees. He doesn't show to the fight but the police does! They arrest the two creepy delivery men who kidnapped Ben, they break the fight between Eunjang and the Union, and everyone gets taken to the precinct, though no one gets arrested. Also, Gray had somehow planned what was going to happen to Eugene, grabbed the poor terrified boy, and put him in a safe place before the mok-ha duo could ever reach him (because, when you kidnap someone, you do it right).

12 - Donald Na comes back to his office after one very long night, not in the best of mood, and with a really fresh and vaguely smug looking Gray sitting behind his desk.

13 - Now, do you remember Gray's "Do not be stupid" rule? Well, the Union has been breaking it for a while. The Union didn't take care of Phillip, who might be a jackass but also a treasure trove when it comes to networking and preferred to favor the Mok-Ha duo??? The obsession with sending his lieutenants get their faces broken on Ben Park's fist? What happened to Eugene? Well, Gray considered that the Union had been in breach of their contract for a while. Which is why he engineered its end. The reason why he saved Eugene? First, because he didn't want him dead in general but second, because he saw what was going to happen and used it as an opportunity to acquire more than half of the shares of the Union.

14 - So Donald has a choice now. He can either start from scratches. Or he can work with Gray.

#wh au #weak hero #closed ask game #5 headcanons game #katydid

[chaoticnerdsstuff]

Maizula on my mind but I’m too sick to make a fic rn. So Imma rant about it cuz my mind won’t shut the fuck up apparently.

I don’t think they’d be the type to show forms of PDA. Like their relationship isn’t too physical and they both aware and prefer it that way. Their relationship in general is more of an emotional type. “Mai and Azula being in a relationship based off their connection???” 

YES. 

I love this concept so much, because not only is it painful when in Canon they split. But also because it makes it more beautiful watching them grow in the aftermath. How first it shows Mai being mad, well mad in her way, going out of her way to avoid her and even speak about her. And Azula in various ways trying to reconnect with Mai by small actions whether it be respecting her wish for space or simply offering help(Help meaning blackmailing someone that Mai hates or simply going out of her way to assist Mai in her duties). And as time just goes on Mai opens up, she while doesn’t speak to Azula, she doesn’t push her away. She let’s her slowly in her life, knowing that she’s the one who decided this, that she has control. Azula notices she’s given a second chance and doesn’t waste it. While they’re both not really speakers when coming to... problems. Azula addresses it and apologizes while making it clear that she doesn’t expect to be forgiven, Mai agrees that she doesn’t completely forgives Azula but is willing to give her a shot. And their relationship while in a rocky path simply becomes stronger as they both grow together.

AND UGH I LOVE THEM 

#Mai #Azula #Maizula #They deserve so much happiness #Ranting

[sunniestshark-ocs]

(For Jo) // 11. How does the character deal with conflicts, both internal and external?, 12. What moral dilemmas might the character face in the story?

| OC Questions from here |

11.

One of Jo's most notable traits is her unflappable calmness and easy nature. It's not often she finds herself in day-to-day conflict, and work or interpersonal issues are dealt with calmly and as fairly as possible. She's not shy about asserting her experience or rank to get things done, but is always willing to listen to the other side. She enjoys being an arbiter for conflict between subordinates or peers, imposing an amount of patience to either party they may not have had before. It's kind of hard to remain pissed in Jo's presence unless you're specifically pissed at her. Granted, Jo often doesn't share internal conflict with others. She likes to try and deal with things on her own and usually, inevitably stuffs those feelings away when something more pressing comes up. She's also great at not letting on that she's having a hard time, so it's also not often that people think to ask if she's okay or if there's anything she's dealing with. People get so used to Jo creating this comfortable space to talk, and so used to her listening and offering comfort or suggestions, that it regularly goes forgotten that she might also have something going on. (And to be fair, she thinks she prefers it this way)

12.

There are two main dilemmas Jo faces in her various stories, mostly in GT, but a bit in Bleach: -Jo isn't a violent person. It's not really in her nature... but she generally finds herself in places of violence, usually through becoming a soldier. It's her best skill, fighting, endurance, embracing the suck, and she's a good leader of people that have to face their deaths on the daily and she likes that aspect of it. She even likes fighting, and would have been a great sport fighter if not for the Circumstances. But Jo doesn't want conflict to end in violence, and while she isn't above killing it does bother her that she isn't, and that she's accepted that as part of the job- she even knows some people should be taken out, but that doesn't make it easier. She's afraid of who she's going to be in peacetime, or when she can fight no longer- will she be useful? Will people still want her around? -In the effort to retain her humanity and extend a fair chance to the people she encounters, Jo is really, really forgiving and very, very loyal. She will let friends get away with things that she should cut them off for, and she always tries to find a middle ground. This is difficult when she wants the best for everyone... she doesn't want to lose people but she can't sit idly by if it turns out one of her friends is being a total shitbag, being an abuser or hurting others. But she will let people hurt her, so long as she thinks they have a chance of changing one day. It's a really complex issue and she often makes people mad by remaining close to people that don't deserve it. It's one of the things that has people as perceiving her as kind of stupid sometimes |D --This issue comes to a head in GT. Jo was a brainwashed supersoldier taken from her home at 16, but after her team's escape the second phase of that program began. Babies were taken, raised from the beginning to be these soldiers... And Jo wants to save them. Despite the fact that there's nothing left to save. She has to, like if she gives up on them it would be a slap to the people that didn't give up on her. And because she still has the implants and the threat of capture and retraining is always on the back of her mind, she's afraid that by giving up on the new soldiers, she's also doomed. It's completely irrational but she just... she has to.

#jo stuff #infodump games #replies

[dinghypruner23]

Getting The Chuck Swindoll's 'Insight for Today' Daily Devotional Library To Work

Short day-to-day religious petition for January 30. When I get home, my household goes for five hours to our church on January 30. Throughout five successive hrs at lunch I experience like I have come back from a lengthy, quiet evening.". Her spouse is the minister at St. Vincent Parish for the Blind Church and is one of the four new parishioners. We have to allow God take over the day for us if we really want everything we do give a positive end result. Currently in Israel and in our Christian religions, there is no dispute pertaining to Jesus' rule to forgive, not just wrong but likewise good actions of charitable organization, and to help make God's grace definitely available to us. Renee Dumont is the scenario not just with Jewish Christians but additionally with some Orthodox Jews who think in a single God. He is the Almighty and He knows the best so we need to let Him make a decision for us today, permit God care about us. When I obtain into political national politics for the first time in a lengthy opportunity I discover that national politics on a whole lot is all regarding funds. All politics is a means to an end. A great deal of amount of money is invested on tv and mail-order television, commercials.

Bible Verse for Today Bible Verse for Today “After that Jesus said to his disciples: “Consequently I inform you, do not worry concerning your lifestyle, what you will consume; or regarding your body, what you will wear” (Luke 12:22). Now in what way will certainly this ended up being true when he returns coming from the Resurrection? This adheres to coming from the verse, "He will certainly not point out that he cannot eat, conserve that he has actually no desire for chicken (Matt. Even though we are in the world full of disappointment and frustration, Jesus advised us never to worry regarding anything. Currently that we have ended up being more fully grown, we need to have to permit go of the concern of discomfort and have only take a simple alternate route in the instructions of chance and peace. Permit us keep in mind that there is a certain kind of individual in each and every person who require the Holy Spirit. That person is the person that can offer us with something to be appreciative to God for.

God is all set to take care daily of everything we need to have. He has presently proclaimed that God will certainly be His personal court. For God's kingdom is at hand and every man who is genuinely willing to listen closely to Him in this and every place that is His iniquity-will undoubtedly judge righteously. To take treatment of something we need, just as we would care that God doeth it. In the last section we will find, nonetheless, the relevance of this in a second method. He will help us to survive in the most difficult scenarios. We can conquered those complications. In the lengthy running, we presume the opportunity will certainly come for our party to placed together an superb oneness celebration. This isn't a odds for the management, it's a odds to show the will and settle that we think the management is doing not have. It is the tiniest of the traits God can do for us. He has currently shown that He are going to be His personal judge. For God's kingdom is at hand and we can consistently select what he will definitely do. If God was merely, He would not have reprimanded us. But not just by his order and grace but also only by the power of his word. He controlled us that if anyone must carry out or else, the final hotel need to be to look for mercy and to look for His grace in every possible means. Every of our demands He will definitely sure offer Philippians 4:19 “And my God will definitely comply with all your demands depending on to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus”. When I was younger, I would make an effort to be a instructor to younger individuals along with no feeling of how these factors could possibly be carried out. All I could assume of was that Jesus Christ liked me. I would not allow myself assume a lot regarding it until I went back to college. God is all set to take treatment daily of everything we need You must also know that lifestyle is worth more than all those material traits, what we ought to take into consideration and take to action to begin with is looking for God’s empire. †God's affection for everyone will be the very first action towards infinite life. †And the Holy Spirit also is the second action. †We are not going to conceal our objectives, but we need to have to know how we can take care of ourselves. Matthew 6:33 points out “But find first his kingdom and his sanctity, and all these factors will definitely be provided to you as well”. Right now in what technique will this redemption of mine has been provided unto you? This, my brother! is not a notification given of my Father, but it has been provided of my Son, who resides my salvation by faith and behavior training. As a result I commend you with that you might think in that teaching, also as I possess in you all these factors. In whatever you do today, lay aside your worries and put God initially after that you will definitely observe that everything you need will definitely happen to you because trustworthy is He who has guaranteed, He will certainly never leave you. 1 Corinthians 15:27 ESV / 9 practical ballots Handy Not Handy At that point you understand the excellent mysteries which God has prepared before you and the wonderful treasures which you are going to obtain. But it is your wish that we need to think and to live with Him.

#daily devotional #short daily devotional

[estelofthedunedain]

Frodo would spare Saruman’s life for no reason other than “he was good once” and that is very Christian of him

#voiceofpika #pika reads lotr #i admire frodo so much tbh #hes getting flak because he doesn't willingly pariticipate in epic battles but tbh? doing THIS? this is courage man #how many people do you know who could do this? #and it seems p clear that this too is a consequence of his quest #he has become more attuned to how ~everyone~ can fall #and knowing this goes with being more willing to forgive and offer second chances #even when he has personally been wronged by the person in question #even if said person shows no sign of remorse #that takes real strength man. real strength. #frodo baggins #lotr #saruman #JRRT

[imkylotrash]

What Goes Around

Pairing: Hardin Scott x reader

Request: Could I please request an imagine/fic with Hardin Scott x Reader and basically Hardin of course has his bad boy reputation but this intrigues the reader. She is his complete opposite and finds his rudeness quite funny. Hardin is a little too mean to her one time and makes her cry. It doesn’t occur to Hardin that she likes him and by that point he feels like he has lost his chance to get to know her because of his.. ‘wicked’ charm? You can choose the ending. Anonymous

Tagging: @bitchwhytho​ @music-of-melody​​

He’s watching you give your coffee order and it makes you smile. Everywhere you go, you seem to run into each other. At first, you’d just steal glances then go your separate ways but then it turned into “hello”. He made the first move and asked if you should have your coffee together one day. Ever since than you’d made polite conversation when you ran into each other and you had to admit that something intrigued you about the tattooed boy who refused to care about anyone other than himself. You couldn’t exactly relate to his perspective on life but you wanted to know more, to understand the boy who considered the world a cruel place rather than an opportunity to happy days. 

“This seat taken?” you ask standing with a hot cup of coffee in one hand and a book in the other. The “Red Queen” series have become something of an obsession for you after finishing the first book. You never thought you’d stray from the classics but lately, YA books had been catching your eye. 

“I see you’re still on the third book,” he smiles and in the same moment letting you know how he feels about YA books. You don’t take it too hard considering he’s not even willing to admit his love for books for anyone other than you. 

“I’m taking my time and enjoying the words.” You have a tendency to get too invested and rush through a book to get to the ending meaning you miss a lot of the little Easter eggs along the way. You’re trying to change that. 

“Hey, no judgement from me.” He’s lying but it’s a cute lie so you’ll allow it. Once you’ve finished your coffee, you stand up grabbing your things. You have exactly ten minutes before your class start but you like to get there early in case you need to do some last-minute preparations. Hardin remains seated and you remain neutral in regards to his lack of motivation when it comes to college. 

I’ll be going classes now. Want to come?” Okay, maybe not that neutral. He shakes his head smiling and you know what that means. It takes three days before you run into him again. This time at the library where you reach for the same book which sounds completely absurd and something that would only happen in one of your books. It’s a cute moment though. 

“I guess great minds think alike,” you say and he scoffs.

“Please. You wish you were as clever as me.” He offers you the book about to sit down when he spots some of his friends outside. You know he’s been a little vague about who you are considering just how different you are to them and frankly, you don’t mind. Hardin is an interesting character because there’s more to him than just the casual alcoholic teen while the people he surrounds himself with at those frat parties really don’t have much else going on for them. You went one time and you’d never been more bored in your life. 

“I should go,” he says Within minutes he’s out the door walking in the direction away from his “friends”. After that you don’t spot him for a while or maybe he’s avoiding you to avoid the questions his friends will inevitable have. Either way, you find yourself missing his sarcastic comments. You hadn’t realised just how much of an impression he’d made on you until he wasn’t around. But he comes back to you eventually. 

“Hey,” he says when he spots you at the coffee house. 

“I thought you’d moved city,” you tease pushing out the chair across from you with your foot. He sits down sliding a book across the table. 

“As an apology,” he grins. You turn the book over to see the cover and you can’t help but smile. 

“You remembered.” One of the first conversations between you and Hardin had been about ecocriticism and a book called “The Road” that you’d borrowed from the library more times than you could count. You’d discussed the topic in class where your professor had recommended this book and now Hardin had gotten it for you. 

“You wouldn’t shut up about the book for at least five hours. How could I not?” He shrugs it off like it’s no big deal but it still means a lot to you. Now you could read the book whenever you felt like it. And he’d gotten the original cover rather than the movie cover. It would’ve been the perfect gift if his friends hadn’t shown up and ruined everything. You see the change in him the second they enter the coffee house. 

“Hardin, who’s this?” Jace asks with hungry eyes making you feel incredibly uncomfortable. 

“Just a friend,” Hardin offers not wanting to give any information to these people. 

“Sure, friend. Do you feel the same way, honey?” Jace asks making the rest of the guys snicker. Before you have a chance to answer, Hardin opens his mouth and ruins everything. 

“Yes, friend. I mean look at her. Not exactly my type, is it? I mean, could it get anymore vanilla?” This earns him a high five from one of the guys but it cracks your heart. You’ve never thought much about your close or the way you looked because you thought the inside counted a hell of a lot more than the outside. But hearing that the idea of being with you seemed so ludicrous hurt more than you liked to admit. 

“I should get going.” You don’t look at Hardin when you leave and you don’t bring the book with you. If this is how he thinks of you then you don’t want anything from him. And it’s not even the fact that he considers you a friend. If that’s all it was, you’d be fine. It’s how easy it was for him to degrade you that really hurt. You tell yourself you won’t cry but it’s a lost battle as you head home. Unfortunately, you don’t reach home before he catches up to you.

“Leave me alone, Hardin,” you say picking up the pace. You’re determined to reach your apartment without stopping but of course, you can’t help yourself when it’s Hardin.

“Are you mad at me?” 

“Mad at you? Of course, I’m mad at you!” you yell not caring who hears you at this point.

“You of all people should realise what it’s like to be judged on the way you look. I like the way I look and I absolutely refuse to let you make me feel bad about it!” You don’t care if he said it because of his friends or not, it’s the fact that it came to him so easily. That means he’s thought it before regardless of the situation at the coffee house. 

“It was a joke!” he yells back opting for defensive rather than just apologise. You’re not doing this. You turn around and this time he doesn’t follow you. It’s weeks before you dare return to the coffee house. You don’t want to meet him again. Instead you dive head first into the universe of Jane Austen thinking he could’ve been your Mr. Darcy with his sour attitude and soft spot for you but it didn’t turn out that way. But your need for good coffee eventually win over your fear of seeing him again. The plan is in, order, pay and leave. It’s just not that simple once you’re inside. 

“You forgot this.” He places “The Road” in front of you as you’re waiting for your coffee. You can’t believe he’s held onto to it since that day. You figured he would’ve just chucked it in the bin. 

“I’m really sorry for what I said. It was rude and thoughtless. You deserve better.” It’s a good apology but you can’t help but think what the insult will be the next time his friends catch you together. 

“You’re right. I deserve better.” You get your coffee and head outside. 

“Throw me a bone here. I said I was sorry.” Of course, Hardin follows you outside refusing to let this go. 

“Hardin, you’re only sorry because I called you out on it. You don’t actually care that it hurt me.” He’s not the first guy who thought he could walk all over you and he won’t be the last but you refuse to accept that treatment. You deserve a lot better than that. 

“I’m sorry because it hurt you. I didn’t think you’d read so much into it,” he defends himself making it clear to you that it’s a pointless discussion. He’s not going to understand why what he said was hurtful despite his own appearance and the comments he’s received. 

“How could I not? I’m sitting there thinking we might have a shot and then you pull the rug out from under me. I’m not playing these games with you.” 

“What?” You don’t bother repeating yourself instead using this moment of shock to hurry away. You manage to avoid him for another week before he corners you on campus. 

“You can’t just throw something like that out in the world and then leave. It’s been going round and round in my head.” He has a hand on each side of you leaning against the wall. It’s effective for keeping you in place and distracting you from why you’re actually upset with him. 

“I never thought you’d like me like that. Shit, I would’ve done things very differently if I ever thought I had a chance.” This time you’re the one in shock. You didn’t think he’d put so much thought into what you said last time. 

“What would you have done differently?” Despite vowing to yourself that you’re done with Hardin, you find yourself curious once again. This bad boy persona with a loving man hidden inside seems like an impossible paradox.

“I would’ve kept you well clear of those idiots from the frat house. Bought you flowers maybe. Taken you to dinner. Bought you a hell of lot more books.” You don’t want to forgive him but it’s hard to think when he’s this close to you. 

“I can start now if you’d like.” He places a hand on your cheek and his touch gives you chills. You inhale sharply telling yourself not to give into him but your body has already thrown in the white towel. He leans down stopping inches from your lips. 

“I really am sorry. It won’t happen again.” Instead of answering, you lean up closing the gap between you. It’s the first kiss but definitely not the last. 

#hardin scott x reader #hardin scott imagine #hardin scott blurb #hardin scott after #hardin scott gif #hardin scott #after gif #after imagine #after blurb #After movie #after we collided #after we collided blurb #after we collided imagine #awc imagine #awc gif #awc blurb #awc

[honeypiehotchner]

intelligence & issues (Hotch x Fem!Reader) -- chapter twenty-two

I’m liking this two updates a week schedule because I hate leaving you guys hanging like that!! I hope this chapter makes it all better xx.

Oh btw the title of this chapter and last chapter are lyrics from “Hold On” by Chord Overstreet! (Also I know the gif is irrelevant but the ~emotion~ of it is relevant)

ALSO (wow I have a lot I keep forgetting to add) I meant to @ her last chapter, but all of these medical scenes and things were 100% done with the help of @thedumpsterqueen​ because I know next to nothing about all this stuff and she was an angel and let me ask all the crazy questions <333 (P.S. she has a Hotch fic called Standards of Performance on her blog that you guys should alllll read if you haven’t already!! It’s SO good it’s one of my favorites)

Warnings: angst and sadness, but that’s pretty much it

Previous chapter || Fic Masterlist

Chapter Twenty-Two: I can’t imagine a world with you gone

Everything is a blur in Hotch’s mind before and after the first gunshot rings through the air. He didn’t need to hear the buzzing in his ear to know it had hit you.

He took off at a sprint, as did the rest of the team.

His ears are ringing. His thoughts are racing. He’s never been a man who talks frequently to God, but he’s praying. Hoping you’re alive. Begging you to not be dead.

Aaron would never forgive himself if you died. As it stands, though, he won’t ever forgive himself for this.

Prentiss, Reid, and Rossi take off in one direction. Hotch and Morgan take the other. Police officers fill the gaps and follow behind, everyone searching for you and Savannah.

Morgan is the first to stumble on the room. His throat aches when he screams for Hotch, keeping his weapon aimed at Savannah.

“Put the gun down!” Morgan yells.

Hotch comes skidding to a stop in the doorway a second later, weapon raised, but his eyes are focused on you. Savannah’s boot is pressing into your thigh, blood oozing from your wound, soaking your pants, spilling onto the concrete. Hotch’s heart drops at the sight. He’s seen enough bullet wounds to know how much blood should come from them. That is too much.

The bullet must’ve hit the major artery. And the thought terrifies him.

Morgan takes the shot when Savannah refuses to move. It hits her stomach and she stumbles for a moment before falling. Morgan yells for the paramedics again, distantly thinking they should be in here by now.

Hotch falls to the ground beside you, his hands cupping your face, not caring who sees. His thumbs tap your cheeks, willing you to open your eyes. You have a pulse, but it’s weak. Weaker than what it should be.

He presses hard over your wound, hoping to slow the bleeding, but there’s more surrounding your leg than he wants to see.

“Y/N?” He says, his eyes watching your eyelids for any movement. He lets out a momentary sigh of relief when your eyes open. “Y/N, please, can you hear me?”

You stare back at him, no signs of his words registering in your eyes. They’re empty. Haunted, again, but for a different reason this time. This time it’s different. “Aaron…”

“I’m here,” Hotch says gently, pressing his hand harder, his heart breaking when you groan in pain. “I know,” he says, shushing you.

Your eyes travel around the room then, and Aaron follows. Morgan is pressing his hand over Savannah’s wound, speaking into his wrist, asking the others where the hell the paramedics are at.

But Aaron doesn’t want you to see that, so he cups your jaw again, turning your eyes back on him. He smiles as best he can, the tears beginning to spill from his eyes as he takes in your face.

“There’s my girl,” he says softly. “Keep holding on. They’re almost here.”

“Aaron,” you try to say, your voice low and strained, and Aaron shakes his head, trying to get you to stop talking. “Aaron...I don’t wanna go without-- I need to tell you that I--”

“Shhh,” he tries again, not wanting you to waste any energy. “You don’t need to.”

“I love you,” you finally get it out. And he’s stunned to complete silence and tears. “I love you so...so much. It hurts.”

“Y/N,” he says, panicked. Your eyes are closing. “Y/N! Come back, Y/N, come back to me. Y/N. Y/N, please.”

Hotch is too caught up in holding your face and keeping pressure on your wound to notice the paramedics have arrived. One team goes to Savannah, relieving Morgan, while the other comes to you, trying to usher Hotch away, but he doesn’t budge.  

“Hotch,” Morgan tugs on the unit chief, grabbing at his arms, his heart breaking for the both of you. “Hotch, you need to let them get to her.”

Reluctantly, Hotch backs up, clenching his bloodied fist, grimacing at the way your blood sticks his skin together.

Everything else is a blur.

What does it need to be clear for, anyway? If you’re not here?

+++

You’re still in surgery.

It’s been an hour. But it feels longer. It feels like it’s been an entire twenty-four hours.

The entire team has taken up camp in a waiting room at the hospital.

Reid is reading and rereading every magazine he can get his hands on to distract himself, never mind the fact that he reads them so fast that he rips a page on one from turning it so quickly. Morgan has Garcia on the phone and has left to get coffee at least three times, the first time returning with a tray of steaming cups and the next two times returning with only one, but two tearful eyes. Emily has been pacing and will wear a hole into the tile at this rate if she walks for another hour. JJ has been staring at the wall, chewing so hard on the inside of her cheek that she flinches when she draws blood.

Rossi has been staring at the wall, too, but mostly he’s been worrying about and watching Hotch.

Aaron has been biting his nails, tugging at his hair, angrily wiping away tears, and left once to go on a walk before returning two minutes later, asking if they had heard anything. Those two minutes had felt like two hours and he was worried sick for all 120 seconds that he missed something.

Dave hasn’t tried to say anything to Aaron, though he wants to. It’s heartbreaking to watch Aaron like this.

You’re going to pull through. Dave — and the rest of the team — can’t afford to think otherwise. And they refuse to think otherwise, unable to imagine what it would be like if you weren’t here.

But it seems like Aaron is thinking otherwise.

Truthfully, he is. But he’s thinking about so much more.

You love him. You love him. You love him.

And he was too stunned to say it back. The one chance he had, and it might be gone now. Ripped away. Forever.

He sent you in there. He did this to you. He had his reservations, but the call had already been made. You seemed so sure. You wanted to do this so badly. He didn’t want another fight about him not trusting you because it’s not about his trust for you, it’s about how terrified he was for you.

He’ll never forgive himself for this now. Not ever.

It’s a world he can’t even bear to imagine. One without you in it.

Yet here he is, grappling with the fact that he might not have to imagine it soon. He sent you in there. He knowingly put your life in danger. And now he’ll have to live with the consequences.

+++

Aaron is shaken from his trance by the doctor and a nurse coming in to inform the team that you’re out of surgery and that it went well.

But you’re in the ICU.

“She lost a great deal of blood,” the doctor says gravely. “But we think she’ll pull through. She just needs to be watched closely for the time being.”

Everyone nods silently, not sure of what else to say, other than feeling relief that you’re alive.

“Visiting hours are long over, so I recommend you all get some rest,” the nurse says. “She’s in good hands here.”

“Thank you,” Rossi replies.

The doctor excused himself, but the nurse stayed, offering to answer any extra questions. “Visiting hours start at seven a.m.,” she says first. “And in the ICU, only two visitors are allowed in her room at a time.” She doesn’t voice an apology, but one is in her tone as she glances between the six team members.

“Can I stay?” Hotch blurts out of nowhere. The team member’s heads all turn to look at him in surprise. “Can anyone stay the night, I mean.”

“Uh, yeah,” the nurse nods. “One person can.” Her eyebrows furrow sincerely. “Are you her dad?”

Morgan internalizes a snort.

“No,” Hotch replies kindly. “I’m not, but I’d like to stay. I’m her boss.”

Still the nurse looks skeptical. “Would she be okay with—”

“She’s his girlfriend,” Emily blurts out, tired of waiting. And when Hotch sends her a look, she says, “What? It would’ve taken you hours to say it.”

“Oh,” the nurse chuckles, embarrassed. “I’m so sorry. Yes, of course you can stay.”

Hotch lets a tiny smile shine through, but it’s not much. Truth is, he’s terrified to see you. But leaving you here alone – even if this is a hospital – terrifies him more.

The rest of the team says goodbye to head back to the hotel for some much-needed rest, if they can sleep at all. They know they’ll wake every couple hours to worry about you before sleep consumes them once more.

In the meantime, Hotch will be here to look after you for all of them. You’re like a little sister to the rest of them, even though Morgan is the only one to have voiced that. You’re loved here. Loved more than you’ll ever be able to comprehend.

You’re loved by Aaron much more than he’ll ever be able to articulate to you. But he’ll try. He’ll try to help you see.

+++

Hotch is finally walking to your room in the ICU after another half hour of waiting. The nurse said they had to get everything settled in your room before he could come back, which only made Hotch’s worry spike even more.

But eventually, he’s in your room with you. A pillow and blanket is in the chair by the window, but he’s not paying attention to it.

You. You’re asleep, of course, and probably will be for a few more hours. The nurse said you had already woken up once, but because of the pain medicine and the overall stress your body has been under in the past few hours, you fell back to sleep almost instantly.

Tears well in his eyes at the sight of you, laid up in the hospital bed, IVs and wires all over you. The beeping of the heart monitor is the only real sign to him that you’re even alive. Your chest is rising and falling, but it’s barely visible underneath the gown and blankets and wires.

You have one regular IV placed on the top of your left hand. Some other line is in your upper arm, and another in your wrist. He has no idea what they’re all for, he just knows he hates seeing you connected to so much.

Aaron wipes at his eyes angrily. Does he have a right to be this upset when he’s the one who sent you in there?

He turns and sets the pillow and blankets in the other chair, knowing he won’t sleep tonight even if he wanted to. Instead, he pulls the chair closer to your bed, where he can place his hand next to yours.

And, if you happen to wake up, you can reach for him if you need to.

+++

Three hours pass and you still haven’t woken up. Aaron knows. He’s been watching you the entire time.

The nurses have come to check on you a few times, assuring Aaron that it’s normal for you to be sleeping like this. But he just nods silently.

He wants you to wake up. Just for a minute. He needs you to just open your eyes and look at him, just once. That’s all he needs.

But it’s wishful thinking as the sky begins to lighten, showing the first signs of dawn.

Aaron links his pinky with yours, afraid to do much else and risk messing up your IV. Holding pinky fingers is enough right now. Or at least, it’ll have to be.

“I’m sorry,” he says out loud, to you, or really to no one at all, because he’s not even sure you can hear him. “I’m just so...sorry, Y/N.”

Stupid tears gather in his eyes again, clogging his throat, stopping his words.

But he keeps going.

“It’s my fault,” he says. “And I know you’ll try to convince me that it’s not, but Y/N, it is and I’m so sorry. I can’t believe I let this happen to you.”

He leans his head into the palm of his free hand, tightening his pinky finger’s grip on yours.

“I love you,” he blurts it out, tears warming his palm as they cascade down his cheeks. “I love you and I need you to wake up because I need you to hear it. I love you. I don’t think there’s ever been a day that I’ve known you that I haven’t loved you.”

He sniffles, loud and body-rattling, glad he’s alone in this room with you because he’d never let anyone else see him like this. No one but you.

“I tried to get it out before, but you were already gone, and I— You need to wake up. I need you to wake up. Please.”

Aaron keeps his eyes closed and head down for a few minutes longer. He doesn’t even see that you’ve opened your eyes.

Until your pinky finger gently squeezes his.

He lifts his head quickly, eyes wide and wild when he sees you’re looking back at him, eyes glassy with tears and exhaustion.

And just like that, just seeing your eyes open and looking right at him, the dam breaks once more. He’s a mess of tears when he leans his head down onto the bed. You lift your hand and thread your fingers through his hair, closing your eyes as more tears slip down your cheeks.

You scratch a soothing pattern on the base of his skull, moving your other hand over your body to hold onto his arm. He senses the movement and lifts his head, grabbing your hand and pressing it to his lips.

He’s not sure how long he stays there, all he knows is his back aches when he straightens up again, and you’ve fallen back asleep.

Next chapter

#intelligence & issues #aaron hotchner #hotch #criminal minds #aaron hotchner x you #aaron hotchner x fem!reader #aaron hotchner x reader #aaron hotchner x y/n #hotch x you #hotch x fem!reader #hotch x reader #hotch x y/n #criminal minds fanfic #criminal minds fanfiction #aaron hotchner fanfic #aaron hotchner fanfiction #hotch fanfic #hotch fanfiction #aaron hotchner angst #angst

[heart-stomper]

Unspoken Trust, Unspoken Fears

Gathering my thoughts on Sasha and Marcy’s dynamic before S3 proves me wrong shows us what’s going on with these two.

It’s time to look at The Dinner and Battle of the Bands, and then use it as a guide to read the room in True Colors.

No worries! You just gotta speak their language. - Sasha, Reunion

Or in this case, know when to stay quiet. 

Sasha gets really really frustrated this episode. Like, so bad, that if that Volcakeno didn’t erupt, she might have been the one to end the friendship. Even Marcy and Grime couldn’t calm her down. But that’s the thing, before this point, they were the only ones to get through to Sasha without provoking her.

Grime keeps Sasha in line; she rolls her eyes and is clearly annoyed every time she has to hold herself back, but her willingness to keep it cool shows she ultimately agrees with Grime’s plan and sees it as the best path to success.  When Marcy chimes in, it’s with a helpful answer to Sasha’s question. She reminds Sasha of why they stopped Doing Thing by explaining how their plan failed. She avoids judging Sasha for it, and frames it as the repercussions of their actions, as a group. Marcy is on Sasha’s side, so Sasha doesn’t put up any defenses. When Sasha decides to avoid arguing with Anne however, it isn’t for Anne. It’s for the plan, for her and Grime.

Marcy has enough faith in Sasha to believe she’d never want to purposefully hurt Anne, but is careful about broaching the subject. Sasha feels attacked very easily, and will quickly trivialize or downplay things if she feels the other person is being unreasonable or doesn’t ‘get’ her.

And that is the only time Marcy speaks up besides The Big Argument. She only jumps into actual conflicts if things get too heated. Otherwise, she just lets Sasha do her thing, and lets Anne argue with Sasha... sort of.

This isn’t collaboration. It’s a hostile takeover. Why do things always have to be your way?

Now, for the bait and switch. Let’s talk about Marcy’s behavior in Day at the Aquarium and New Wartwood, and Sasha’s in Toadcatcher and Barrel’s Warhammer… while tying it all back to Battle of Bands!

You didn’t tell me you were writing a song! Let’s do it! I mean, if that’s okay with you, Sasha.

In A Day at the Aquarium, Marcy’s first instinct to Anne saying she’s going back with the Plantars is to make a plan. To show that it isn’t actually what will benefit Anne’s Goals. She doesn’t even consider opening up as an option, and avoids saying anything that could cause conflict. New Wartwood, Marcy tries to chat with the citizens of Wartwood and get to know them. But when that doesn’t work, she decides that impressing them with her knowledge and usefulness is bound to make them like her. It has to.

It does seem simpler.

Trying to win people over by claiming a plan is of mutual interest and necessary, carefully choosing which words to use, viewing relationships as a puzzle to be solved… this isn’t the sort of thing Marcy needs to do to get along with someone like Anne. It’s how Marcy copes with Sasha. Sasha lashes out and belittles bad ideas. Sasha has to be convinced the plan benefits her, suits her. Vulnerability and love aren’t enough to make her care, so Marcy does what she can to prove she’s worth being around. She might even sometimes wonder if Sasha actually likes her, or just likes what she can do for her. She rather not find out.

Whenever she’s afraid of people not liking her, or is worried that she’ll lose them, she dives right into those bad habits. She can give her opinions, but they aren’t supposed to get in the way of what Sasha wants. She’s supposed to say “That’s amazing! What do you think Sash’?” not “Let’s do it!”

Listen. There’s another reason why I’ve been training so hard. To protect the one person I know I can count on right now. You. You’re right, I already lost one friend. I’m not about to lose another. - Sasha, Toadcatcher

In Toadcatcher, there’s that scene, where Sasha looks at the BFF picture and the wind cuts off Anne for a second so it’s just her and Marcy. This is where Sasha is at. Anne might have rebelled, but when Sasha reunites with Marcy? Oh, she’ll show Anne, one way or another. They’ll get her back (like, joining the team or revenge wise, depending on Sasha’s mood.)

Listen here you buffoon! What’s it gonna take to prove that you should follow us? - Barrel’s Warhammer

Aaaand Sasha freaks out royally when she learns the two are alone together and doing just fine. On some level, she fears Anne and Marcy “getting along without her” because it means they might decide they don’t actually need her to make plans; that she isn’t necessary to have fun. In the The Sleepover to End All Sleepovers, we see that isn’t as big a catastrophe as Sasha seems to think it’d be. As time goes on, the girls do gain a healthier relationship to their feelings about Sasha, but that doesn’t mean they’d want her gone even if they don’t need her there. But Sasha doesn’t know that, she doesn’t even consider it till reuniting in The Third Temple. All she knows for now, is that she can be a bit... much... so if she isn’t in control, if her way isn’t “the best”, why would Marcy put up with her either? 

Listen. If things get too wild out here, just give me a signal and I’ll call the whole thing off. 

 For sure, teach it to us Anne. 

Every Sasha plan starts with an empty reassurance. So much of Sasha’s dialogue follows a pattern where she says stuff like “we’ll call it off” (she did not call it off) and “for sure, I don’t mind” (she did mind) that it could be it’s own game. Sasha talks the talk, until it gets in the way of what she wants.

Sorry guys, but we’re way to close to bail. I am not going back empty-handed.

It’s good. I just have a few tiny notes that I think could make it even better. ... Boom! Fiixed it! 

If they just follow her lead and let her fix it, everything will work out. They should believe in her and trust her. After all...

That’s not true! Besides, we did it. ... You’re not actually gonna throw this all away are you?

I just wanted all of us to succeed. I was just being a good friend. Why couldn’t they see that?

It all worked out, right? Percy and Braddock made it out okay even if she didn’t follow through on her promise. They won, she’s reliable. But of course, Sasha lost something more important than their belief in her abilities, she lost their trust. In Battle of the Bands however, Sasha recognizes that Anne and Marcy don’t want to follow her ambitions and will be pushed away by them just like Percy and Braddock were. So she takes it upon herself to end things, accepting that she’s lost.

Sorry it took so long.

Except this time, she manages to realize that maybe “what she wants” is to be there for her friends. Sasha’s finally had the space to relax and really think about what she wants, at least a little. This isn’t a real battle after all. Doing things her way all the time isn’t as important as she thought. Maybe she should trust in her friends more. A change of pace isn’t “wrong”, just different. It’s fun.

Sorry we lost, Sash’.

Just like Percy and Braddock, Marcy knows Sasha is capable. She understands that Sasha just wants the team to succeed. That’s why she apologizes when Grime beats them in the competition. She wants Sasha to know she appreciates what she did, but keeps it a bit indirect. She gets Sasha probably didn’t want to push them away. Marcy tried to catch herself and back Sasha up, but when Sasha had her argument with Anne, she stayed quiet. She couldn’t bring herself to go against Anne. 

That was ultimately for the best, as Sasha learned a valuable lesson. Except... She’s in too deep with the rebellion to back out now. This is the episode she’d spill the truth and give up on the whole thing, except... Grime. A part of her knows leaving would make Grime her enemy. She can’t risk that. So, she keeps going with the plan. She decides she’ll somehow win it all back. Because the thing she’s actually most afraid of, is losing another friend. 

Sorry things got a little crazy back there. You guys good? ... Sheesh, don’t be a sore loser. Look, I’m gonna stay here and get this toad regime off the ground, but I can totally send you two home if you want. Or, you can stick around and give me a hand! So what’d’ya say?

Sasha’s final offer; the last chance she’s giving the girls to stop acting weird and go back to being her obedient friends who do what she wants. Sasha lost at Toad Tower, but now she’s won. So Anne should go back to normal, she’s supposed to, like some unspoken “rule”.

And Marcy is supposed fall back in line too. The offer and apology are just as much a plea directed at her. Sasha’s trying to be generous, in her own awkward way. She has bit her tongue so far. She’s thrown a temper tantrum or two, but she hasn’t been this forward in asking Marcy for help till now. She wants Marcy to say that everything’s okay. Make it clear she doesn’t think she’s the bad guy, and that she forgives her and wants to be there for her. That they’re on the same page again. She wants Marcy to help make Anne look overly dramatic and silly for making such a big deal of all this. Sure, if Anne figures that out by herself, that’d be great, but if Marcy could just speak up.

But she doesn’t. Of course she doesn’t.

Marcy’s too busy worrying about Anne’s reaction. Knowing that she’ll be upset about this. She doesn’t dare side with Sasha, and is disappointed and betrayed that she actually did something like this. Marcy already has her own secret plans, so when she finally tries to calm things down, all she can give is a non-descript “we can still fix this”. And then, she’s once again shocked when she sees Sasha threaten Anne and the Plantars. Seeing Sasha act so willing to actually hurt people rather than just push them around... it finally hits her just how serious “tried to kill them” was. And of course, losing Anne or being sent home with her would completely mess up her own plans.

Sasha’s isn’t a vulnerable person. She’ll go on about loving her friends if it makes her look good, but she actively avoids doing anything that could be seen as “weak”. She wouldn’t dare ask Marcy to drop Anne and choose her. If Marcy isn’t speaking up, she can take the hint. She still isn’t on her side, and so she gets sent to the dungeon along with the rest of them.

Marcy accepts that Sasha has become an obstacle, but a part of her still hopes the three of them can work through all this. If they do things her way, nobody has to get hurt. She'll figure out a way hold everything together, fix everything, like always.

And then Andrias betrays her.

Yeah, what plan?

Sasha stops talking once she realizes what’s going on. Quietly fuming as Marcy explains herself. The music box, the suggestion to take it back to Andrias... that wasn’t Marcy being the sweet, supportive friend who Sasha thought she could always rely on, who believed in her... that was Marcy using her. It was never going to become their plan; Marcy never trusted her and was actively working against her. Sasha lost Anne, and she never had a chance at getting Marcy back, either. 

Sasha smacks Marcy away when she desperately tries to justify herself. She doesn’t want to hear it anymore. She’s furious that Marcy thinks they could be friends after something like this, after she’s manipulated them and claimed it was for their sakes. This whole time, her goal had been avoiding the move with her parents. And coming here has only torn them apart even worse.

Marcy reaches out to both girls. And when Sasha rejects her, she clings to Anne, hoping at least she’ll find it in her to forgive her. That she’ll understand she cares about them even if she messed up. Marcy knows they’d probably never pick her over their families or ambitions, so she told herself this place offered those things too. Made them all better people. But as she says her excuses out loud, she can’t find a single one that feels right. She was just afraid of losing them, and now, she’s managed to hurt them on top of that. 

But the thing is. After all that. Despite how betrayed and hurt and angry Sasha was, she looks like this:

Sasha realizes this must be exactly how Anne felt about her betrayal. It isn’t just an abstract “hurt” or “bad thing” anymore. She can also sympathize with how Marcy feels and why she did it, at least a little. She can’t imagine being able to forgive this, and yet... when she looks to Anne with that apologetic look, she isn’t just hoping Anne will forgive her. She’s also asking for permission to forgive Marcy. Pleading that they all still have a chance to move past this together.

#implying toadcatcher is subtextually about Marcy #naturally these are all just my assumptions and guesses #jottin down theories and observations #and often the tone is 'what sasha thinks' or 'what marcy thinks' rather than a birds eye opinion on the situation #anne gets through to sasha and marcy with a mixture of vulnerability and honesty #it sometimes backfires and they still tend to hide a lot of their feelings #but standing her ground and finding herself really did inspire others too #sasha seems to trust marcy even if anne's messed the group dynamic up #so I wrote this under the assumption she's paying more attention to anne because well #anne is the one who 'betrayed' her #she doesn't need to worry about marcy (so she thinks) #sasha also seems to think she's 'manipulating' and 'convincing' her friends when she's simply invoking fear in them #because while she does like control the idea of them not sincerely adoring her screws her up #sasha and marcy both seem to get into these situations where they feel helpless #where their plans are 'the only option' #and they become so focused on it they fail to realize what they're sacrificing in the process #sasha straight up refuses to believe grime's warnings that she'll push people away #and marcy is desperate and doesn't think she has anyone to rely on except andrias #while marcy probably does play the game to get sasha to do what she wants sometimes #I kinda love how they've deconstructed the whole concept of a 'leader' #neither of them are really 'in control' #they're just needlessly overcomplicating their friendship #learning marcy knows how to play sasha does explain why she falls so easily into the lieutenant role though #sasha really takes other people's plans and goes 'our plans <3' haha #amphibia #sasha waybright #marcy wu #amphibia spoilers

[sixth-light]

fic prompt idea: Nicky and Joe are Friends (in a pseudo historical romance setting) and Nicky is trying to matchmake for Joe because he thinks he deserves a ~~romance. It goes poorly until it doesn’t.

below the cut for the sake of your dashes

“Come here,” Nicolò said, tugging at Yusuf’s arm, and Yusuf, of course, came at once. He and Nicolò had been the best of friends ever since Nicolò had come to his mother’s court five years ago, not quite a hostage and not quite a fosterling (as Yusuf understood the Frankish custom). A guest, perhaps it could best be said. 

Well, alright, there had been that unfortunate period at the beginning when  Nicolò had been sullen and Yusuf had been suspicious, culminating in the incident with the horse trough. Which would not have been an incident at all if his sister Yasmin had not entirely overreacted to it; Noor, with much better sense, had been watching to see which one of them emerged the victor. Yusuf’s mother had made his father reprimand them. Yusuf still tried not to think about it. But that aside, and that was years ago now and really forgotten by everybody (except any time he and Nicolò were within sight of both Noor and a horse trough), they were as close as any two men at court, and if Nicolò asked him to come he would of course come. 

“What is it?” he asked, as Nicolò led them into one of the smaller gardens. 

“Noor is walking here with Lady Nile,” he said. “And I am sure if you appear she will find something to look at on the other side of the garden. Noor will, I mean.”

“But...why?”

Nicolò rolled his eyes. “So you can talk to Lady Nile, of course.”

“Is there something I need to speak with her about?” Yusuf asked, now very confused. He had a great deal of respect for Lady Nile; she was here with an embassy from the Keita, south of the desert. They had had several very pleasant (and decorous, Yusuf was not going to embarrass his mother) conversations about tilework and other things of artistic interest. But he had no particular reason to begin a conversation with her alone. 

“You seemed to enjoy her company very much,” Nicolò said, eyes narrowing, as if he thought Yusuf was being purposefully obtuse. “So I am giving you the chance to pursue it. That is, Noor and I are.”

“Nico,” Yusuf hissed, “if I do that and any word gets out someone will probably demand that I marry her.”

“Would that be such a bad thing?” Now the corner of Nicolò’s mouth curled up, like he thought he knew an amusing secret Yusuf did not. 

“Yes! I don’t want to marry her! And I don’t think my mother wants me to. She would have said as much if that were so.” Yusuf realised at once what was going on. “Nicolò, God give me patience - is this like the thing with Sébastien all over again?”

Count Sébastien had been a visitor from the Frankish side of the sea; he and Yusuf had made very fast friends, and Nicolò had been convinced that maybe a match was in the offing. Which it had never been; Sébastien had already been promised; and it had not been that sort of friendship, besides. 

“And now I think about it,” Yusuf went on, “you insisted that we go riding with Andromache, when she visited, and then lost yourself somewhere, and - what are you trying to do?”

“Nothing!” Nicolò insisted. “Or only favours. Of course your mother is going to make some good alliance with your marriage; it might as well be to someone you...to someone...oh, never mind.”

“Someone I what?”

“Someone you can love,” Nicolò said, reluctantly. “Who could love you. You are so good at it; you would be miserable if it could not be returned.”

He had such a still face, most of the time; it had taken Yusuf years to learn to read it. Now it was as if they were back in those first few tense months, when Nicolò had been much closer to a hostage in truth; a youngest son of many, easy enough to spare, Yusuf’s mother had once said. The Genoese were not easy neighbours, even with a sea between them. 

Back then, Yusuf had often mistaken Nicolò’s worry for anger, or his humour for scorn. Now - once again he could not say what Nicolò was feeling, except that it was some emotion far too great for the topic at hand. He really did not know why Nicolò thought he had to take this burden upon himself. Certainly he did not realise how awkward it was that he had. But then that was Nicolò; he always sought to be kind.

“I know my responsibilities, Nicolò,” he said. “My mother will make some alliance, as you say, and I will learn to be diplomatic about it. It will be well. Besides.” He should not say this; but perhaps it would put Nicolò off; lack of success certainly had not, so far. “I...have already lost my heart; you must stop trying to give it to people, and disappointing them.”

Nicolò started at this like he had been struck “You - but you must tell me who it is! Why would you not tell me?”

“I do not like to dwell upon the unattainable,” Yusuf said, very lightly, trying to make a joke of it; Yusuf, so good at love, of course the type to be heart-stricken over someone he could not have. If he made it light, then Nicolò would perhaps not notice anything wrong, or pretend to not notice. He did always try to be kind. 

And there was nothing more unattainable for the Queen’s eldest child and heir than his friend who he had once tried to dunk in a horse trough, the unwanted youngest son of a difficult neighbour. It would not be kind to offer what could not be had; Yusuf could surely do Nicolò no less kindness than Nicolò always tried to do for him. All that was assuming Nicolò even wanted anything of that sort from him, which most likely he did not.

“You dwell upon everything,” Nicolò said, shaking his head. “Yusuf. Tell me who it is, and I promise I will stop - I will let this be. If it is so truly unattainable.”

It was exactly the wrong thing to say, as far as Yusuf was concerned. He could take almost anything except Nicolò taking him by both arms, eyes shining with concern. 

“Nicolò...” he said, searching for the right words, the ones that would make  Nicolò laugh and clap him on the back and step away, like Sébastien or Andromache might, like the dearest friend that he was and had to remain.

“Oh, I see,” Nicolò said in response, sounding like nobody quite so much as Yusuf’s father when he was debating a point of theology. Which was not in any way the thought Yusuf would have wanted to have in his mind when Nicolò kissed him. Unfortunately, Nicolò did not give Yusuf time to set his thoughts straight. 

Nicolò kissed him, his mouth inexplicably soft when his kiss was not, and his hand softer on Yusuf’s cheek. Yusuf nobly considered pushing him away for at least the time it might take for a single grain to slip through an hourglass, and then didn’t. What possible reason could he have for that when he had Nicolò in his arms?

There was a short startled exclamation, and it turned out, in the end, that the second most embarrassing thing Noor (and the Lady Nile) could catch Yusuf and Nicolò doing, after trying to drown each other in a horse trough, was kissing in a corner of the gardens like their lives depended on it. But Yusuf found he didn’t mind; he was seized with the sudden, irrepressible conviction that maybe this was going to turn out alright after all. 

(”I still don’t know what I’m going to do about your marriage,” his mother said later, “but if I hadn’t been willing to live with this I would have sent him back to Genoa at least two years ago, truly, my son, are you the only person who didn’t know this would happen?”

“Almost the only person,” Nicolò said, and Yusuf loved him so much that he chose to forgive him the hint of a laugh in his voice; besides, it was laughter aimed at himself as well.) 

#the old guard #my fanfic #joe x nicky #Anonymous

[tenthgrove]

Yandere Gelato accidentally slapping darling in the middle of a heated argument. This set back all the progress they have made and even Sorbet is extremely upset with Gelato.

A Great Step Back

Sorbet and Gelato x Reader (GN), Yandere, SFW

(A/N: I've agreed with zyette to tone this request down a little so that instead of darling getting slapped, Gelato just threatens to harm them. Hence, there is no actual physical abuse in this imagine, but there is a cw for threatened abuse.)

All things considered, your existence as Sorbet and Gelato's caged darling had actually been going well for a couple of weeks. That's not to say you were in any way happy being forced to live with the murderers who stole you from your home, but let's just say your heart caught a break from its constant racing at least... most hours of the day. The point is, you were beginning to get the impression that if Sorbet or Gelato had any intention of doing you harm, they would have started by now.

Whether you realised it at the time or not, this is exactly what the couple were aiming for. They wanted you to feel safe in the knowledge that as long as you didn't try to flee or fight them, you had absolutely nothing to fear in their company. They hoped, that this would be the first step towards you finally growing to love them the way they loved you. Then, perhaps you might be happy. That's all they wanted really.

And so, they did what they could to gradually, gradually bring you out of your shell. Sorbet would come down late at night to lie next to you as you watched your little TV. Documentaries are his favourite; there's a quiet intelligence to that man you were slowly coming to appreciate as he spoke to you. You were struggling a little more to relax around Gelato, his wild temperament always keeping you unnerved, but at some point you stopped pulling back in fear every time he ushered you upstairs to watch him cook. You even laughed at some of his jokes.

All-in-all, they were very optimistic, both of them. Now you could relax around both of them and not be constantly looking for a way out, maybe it was time to begin the conversation about letting you leave the basement more often, maybe even during the night... Then Gelato had to go fuck it up.

Sorbet was out for the day- there was a hit that needed doing. For him or Gelato to kill without the other nearby is near unheard of, but it was a very safe mission and to go together would mean chaining you up alone for the whole day. After how good you were being, that hardly seemed fair. A nice, comfortable day lounging about the house with Gelato sounded like the perfect reward for you, and could be just what you needed to solidify your newfound trust of your more unnerving new husband. Even someone as risk-aware as Sorbet didn't foresee how anything could go wrong with that.

Trouble started when you walked out of the sitting room to grab a drink from the kitchen. Gelato did say you could do this, but seeing you get up and go out of sight still rubbed him the wrong way. He followed you into the kitchen, catching you in surprise as your first moment of privacy outside the basement or bathroom in weeks was rudely interrupted. You jolted so badly you dropped your drink, glass shattering everywhere. As Gelato offered to clean it up you snapped at him, chastising him for always acting so creepy and clingy around you.

At first, Gelato tried to stay calm, reiterating he just doesn't like having you out of sight, but- not being as afraid of him as you used to- you refused to back down, pushing him further on just how far you'd had it with him. Without even really meaning to, you were soon spilling out every little thing you despised about Gelato and his bastard of a husband. What? Did he really think you had stopped hating them just because you realised that spending every second of the day fighting was getting you nowhere? They kidnapped you! They treat you like a pet! Of course you despise them!

Now, it was always the agreement you could run your mouth as much as you wanted as long as you didn't get physical, which so far, you have not. That said, Gelato can only stand so much of your slander, especially when you're insulting his darling Sorbet as well. As each one of his attempts to reason with you fails, he becomes angrier and angrier. You can see this too as his brows fall and his fists clench, but you've gone far enough as it is. As much as your reasonable self curses you for it, you don't back down.

When Gelato snaps he does it all at once, lurching forward and forcing you up against the cabinets. You yelp as a hand slams next to your face, Gelato leaning in close and asking if you've forgotten who it is you're dealing with. Together with Sorbet he's killed enough people to fill a theatre hall, and even if you are immune from that fate as their beloved little spouse doesn't mean they can't make you wish you were never born if you're really so desperate to get hurt.

You only seem to shrink further against the wall as Gelato's threats become more and more descriptive. Finally, as Gelato grabs your chin and asks what you have to say to all of it, you let out a pained, terrified yelp and fall to your knees. Gelato steps back in shock, realising what he's done. He looks down at you, crying and mumbling incoherent pleas for him not to hurt you. Gelato leaves the room, shutting you in the kitchen (where there's no other exit) and collapsing onto the sofa. He knows after fucking up that badly, he won't be able to fix things himself. He needs Sorbet.

Sorbet gets home thankfully a short time later and Gelato explains what happened. They find you exactly where you were last, curled up on the floor of the kitchen, still muttering to yourself fearfully as though in some kind of terror-induced stupor. Gelato feels his heart drop as you scramble back at the sight of him. He stands back as Sorbet scoops you into his arms and carries you to the familiar comfort of your bed down in the basement. He does say sorry though.

For the rest of the day, Sorbet tends to you alone. He asks for your side of the story so he knows exactly how angry he needs to be with Gelato. He promises they would always love you no matter what and you don't need to be scared of them. Gelato lost his temper and he was wrong. He'll make sure it doesn't happen again. After that, Sorbet goes up to Gelato and asks him to honestly, truly tell him if there was any chance of him raising a hand to you. Gelato insists that as out of line as he was, he's certain he wouldn't have hit you even if you did keep up the argument. He might have been angry, but he never would have hurt you. You're just to sweet to him.

You don't see Gelato again for another day. You start to wonder if he's still angry with you, even though Sorbet says he just needs some time to think about what he's done. Then, late in the evening, you see him, looking more frightened than you are as he stands in the half-open doorway of your room. Sorbet ushers him in, taking your hand gently and promising it's alright. Gelato kneels in front of you, touching your face as though you were made of the most delicate material in the world.

He asks if you're willing to forgive him.

#sorbet and gelato #sorbet and gelato x reader #yandere cw

[idontblushsrry]

Hey could you maybe do an inumaki and yuta headcannon in different relationships where their s/o is jealous of maki

Ofc! Hope this is to your liking.

Yuuta Okkotsu

Ok so Okkotsu is lowkey embarrassed when he figures out that you’re jealous of Maki

That embarrassment then grows into full blown mortification when it sinks in because he’s kind of in shock that you’re jealous and is kinda embarrassed that you’re jealous on his behalf

Also like, you aren’t gonna be jealous for long bcus you literally live in this man’s head rent free

Of course it all starts when he returns from one of his trips and immediately after greeting you he just walks over to Maki and starts talking to her about whatever

Of course, you being a rational person of reasonably sound mind think it’s no big deal, you trust your boyfriend and Maki

So you note it down as weird and go on about your day

Big mistake because not only has Okkotsu spent more time this week with Maki than you (you’ve been keeping track in your head) he’s barely spent any time with you

So one day after training, you’re talking to Panda and he comes up to you and tries to hold your hand

You who’s been silently stewing,  brush his hand off and continue your conversation

Okkotsu, who couldn’t be more oblivious if he tried, goes for your hand again

This time you brush him off and cross your arms

However, he’s determined because he taps your shoulder all like “Love, your hand?” and starts gesturing that he wants to hold your hand

This can go one of two ways depending on how petty you’re willing to be

1) is you look at him and give in because man looks like 2 seconds from calling Ieiri to have you check for any type of affliction.

He’s so concerned like you’ve ever denied him affection so he’s not necessarily wrong

2) You ignore him completely and go on about your day

Do be warned that while you’re simply walking away, Yuta is having a full blown dramatic monologue, complete with slow motion falling backwards, behind you

However, you can only keep this up for max about 2 days

Yuta will keep his distance and be hesitant with approaching you in general but the man is giving you the sad hard timin look the whole time

He’ll text you like ‘my love I’m so sorry for whatever I did please forgive me <3 <3 <3 <3″

Seeing you leave him on read hurts this man in his soul

If you’re still keeping it up, eventually Maki will just come up to you like “can you get him, his whining isn’t exactly motivating”

Cue Yuta looking out the window, pondering his life choices

Sir it’s been 2 days

Anyways, Maki’s just like, “I get you’re upset or jealous or whatever but everyone can see the hearts in his eyes when he looks at you. He’s all yours, so can you two stop acting like fools?”

Ok maam a little rude but also weirdly observant

So you go over to him and kiss his hand and go “Sorry Yuta”

He looks over and his whole demeanor just instantly changes

He goes in for a hug but stops himself so you make the first move

You explain your jealousy and he apologizes, the rest of the day you both spend together, making up for lost time

Inumaki Toge

*italics is translation of what he’s saying, I didn’t want to google the technical language translations

Toge is very confused that you’re jealous

Like has he not been clear enough in his love because he’s like always around you

Unlike Yuta, Toge puts together that you’re jealous kinda quickly

He noticed that you got a bit upset when he took you to a place he and Maki had gone to before a mission once

He thought the place was nice and he wanted to show you and when you asked and he answered you just went “Oh” and got quiet

He noticed that throughout the remainder of the date your smiles seemed a little bit more forced and you seemed tenser than usual

When you got back and wen your separate ways, he texted you asking what was wrong

When you responded “Nothing’s wrong Toge :)” he knew he fucked up

He puts together that you’re jealous that night and tries to put together a plan on how best to approach the subject

He doesn’t get the chance because during training, he’s paired with Maki and you’re paired with Panda

Needless to say, both of you end up off your game

You’re attacking with way more force/energy than necessary and burning yourself out quicker

And Inumaki is tripping himself up watching on in concern out of the corner of his eye

He falls over and Maki offers her hand to pull him up

He looks around for you and realizes that you’re gone

When he asks your sparring partner, Panda says that you said you needed fresh air and to cool off, pointing in the direction you took off in

He heads after you and finds you behind some tree pouting and sad

You’re surprised he followed you but he’s holding you so tightly, you can’t exactly look at him

“I’m sorry Toge.”

“What for”

“I got jealous because you and Maki have all this history together and I’m just some outsider that’ll never compare to her.”

At that Toge stiffens, he pulls back and looks at you with an expression that says, “are you crazy?”

“That’s not true”

“I know, that’s why I didn’t want you to worry. I was just being dumb and insecure.”

“You’re not dumb you know”

Before you can refute his claim or even respond at all, Toge kisses you with all the surety of someone in love

The rest of your worries melt away as you get lost in his affection

#inumaki x reader #jjk inumaki #inumaki imagines #inumaki to/ge x reader #inumaki to/ge #jjk imagines #jjk x reader #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jujutsu kaisen headcanons #yuta okkotsu x reader #yuta okkotsu #okkotsu x reader #yuta okkotsu imagines #request #idontblushsrry

[jae-daddy]

Duff (4)

jaebum au series

one / two  / three / four / five /  six / seven / eight masterlist

pairing: im jaebum x reader genre: angst, smut, cheating, CEO! i guess too now plot:  you are the duff, and guys use you to get close to your bestfriend, turns out jaebum was no exception. but as time goes on the tension between you and your bestfriend’s unoffical boyfriend grows  a/n: it so late, I'm literally seeing double rn... hope y’all like it! <3 not edited. 

Life is brimming with lessons that teach you how to live without being naive and a fool. 

You were already taught a few lessons by life, as it made you jump through endless hoops burning with malicious flames waiting to scorch your skin at slightest touch. 

So you found it fair to hold yourself as intelligent and mature. 

Therefore, you trusted your conclusion to ignore whatever happened in the elevator with Im Jaebum. 

What was said, what was done; none of it mattered. 

An important lesson you’ve learnt is people say and do crazy things when they are riding high a shot of adrenaline. 

Jaebum’s near-death experience led him to say things that he would not on a normal day. It was only because he was scared that he did. And everyone wants to die an honest man. You were certain if it were Paul in the elevator instead of you, Jaebum might have confessed something outrageous to him too. 

So that was not the reason why you were staring at the two males in front of you as they spoke absolute nonsense to you. You already knew not to take what happened in that tiny metal box seriously. Instead, it was another life lesson you knew that made you stare at them as if they had grown two heads: everything has a price. 

“Not everyone gets an opportunity like this, y/n,” Paul spoke, a second away from begging on his knees. 

You shook your head in distaste, this was not part of the plan. Actually, there was no plan, but if you had one, this would definitely not be it. This was not how you imagined your lottery internship to turn out. 

“Paul, I am flattered the company believes me to be capable of such an important role,” you breathed, trying to keep a polite smile as your eyes bounced between the bald man and the smirking jerk. “However, I do not think I would be suitable for this role. I made it clear in my internship contract that I will not have my studies affected by this opportunity. Unfortunately, being the secretary of the -”

“I’m sorry to stop you, y/n,” Paul cut you off, not apologetic at all. You bit your cheeks to hold back a sneer. “We have thought about this through, and believe it to be the best plan of action to take right now. Mr Im is new to this company and is temporary, and while we have made a public announcement, he is still on trial.

“We could get someone in a fixed-term confidential contract, but that’s too complicated.”

Your brows furrowed as you disagreed with that, but you didn't say anything. 

“The remaining time left in your contract and Mr Im’s trial period match up perfectly. You already have secretarially role in the company, so you already know the ups and downs, the tricks and tips, so we really believe this is the best way. And about your studies, the summer break began last week. However, if you believe this to be in violation of your contract, we will compensate.”

“Compensate?” You rose an eyebrow, payment would be better than slaving away for free. 

“Pay you, just like any other employee,” Paul smiled happily. Finally seeing some indication of interest from your side. He added, proudly, “with all employee benefits.”

You bit your lip in deep thought. 

You mentally weighed the pros and cons. 

There were pros, so many pros; a better resume, money, free coffee and healthcare, etc. But the con, the big con stared at you in bold, italics, highlighted in large red fonts: you’d be working for Im Jaebum. 

If this was someone else you would have said yes the moment they offered it, even without the benefits. But with Im Jaebum, things got complicated. 

You weren’t sure if he could maintain the professional relationship between the two of you. And if you were being completely honest, you didn’t know if you could maintain it too. 

Even now, with Paul standing at one end of the table, and Jaebum settled on the long side. Your mind couldn’t help thinking about how short your skirt was, and how easy it would be for Jaebum to bend you over the wooden table, and make you a moaning mess. 

It would be quite difficult to maintain professionalism when you’d be spending time alone with him. Or maybe, he would use his position to make you suffer. He might end up not coming to work at all, have you do all his work, and just show up to sign and show his face. 

So much could go wrong with working for Im Jaebum. 

And you also had to consider the fact that you hadn’t talked to him since the elevator incident. 

You haven’t been to Heather’s place, too busy with the piled up assignments all due within the last two weeks. The twenty hours of weekly internship didn’t give you any freed up time either. You didn’t get an opportunity to see Heather, or her boyfriend, Im Jaebum, to have a talk. 

“Oh come on, y/n,” Jaebum smiled at you, making your blood boil instantly. This was the first thing he said to you in the past two weeks and somehow managed to be an arrogant shit-eater when he did. Your glare didn’t make his smile falter as he sang, “It’ll be fun.”

No way. You thought. There is no way you would be able to work for that self-centred, cocky, incredibly hot jerk. 

“We’ll cover your fees.” Paul stopped you before the no on the tip of your tongue tumbled out. You stared at him in shock, as he looked at you expectedly. 

“My university fees?” You asked, shocked.

“Yes, all of it.” He nodded. 

That’s a lot. 

Your eyes fell on Jaebum who smirked at you as if he had the whole entire world at his feet's disposal, and maybe he truly did. He had something similar to that power if the company was willing to go to such extents to make him stay. 

The pros were really starting to outweigh the annoying, irritating con.

“Fine,” you licked your lips, with a sigh. “I’m in.”

Paul almost jumped in his place with excitement, “Thank you, y/n! Thank you so much!”

Paul walked out swiftly muttering something about going to the HR and having a contract formed immediately. Your eyes followed him as he left, remaining on the doors that closed behind him.

You could feel his gaze burning the side of your face, and it truly felt as if you were about to combust. 

“What?” You snarked, turning towards him annoyed. 

Jaebum just snickered as he swirled side to side, carefree, on his chair, “Why are you always so mad, love?” 

You rolled your eyes getting up, “I guess this meeting is over.”

“I didn’t dismiss you, y/n,” Jaebum said, stopping his playful actions. 

“You’re not my boss until I sign that piece of paper, so,” you gave him a middle finger with a tight smile before walking out the office. 

You could hear his light laughter follow you, but you ignored it. 

You stopped in your tracks as you remembered something and entered the room once again. Jaebum looked up at you, surprised, before smiling brightly, “Welcome back.” 

You cursed yourself for returning after such an amazing exit, but there were more pressing matters than your pride. 

“Have you told Heather about what happened?” You closed the door behind you, making sure no one could hear you. 

Jaebum’s eyes danced with amusement, as he shrugged, drawling, “What happened?” 

“In the elevator, Jaebum,” you gritted through your teeth as you stepped closer towards him.

Jaebum’s smiled only grew as he frowned with feigned innocence, “I can’t seem to remember, maybe if you could help me remember.”

His lazy gaze fell to your lips before meeting your eyes again. A spark ignited deep inside you, and you told yourself it was anger; it was an annoyance. 

You clicked your jaw as you smacked your hands onto the desk, leaning over it. Jaebum watched you, carefully, not intimidated a bit, only amused. 

Your eyes narrowed at him, before you smiled sweetly, “You were holding my hand and crying like a child.” 

Jaebum hissed, unaffected, as he tsked, “I can’t seem to remember that.” 

“Did you tell her or not?” You groaned, your annoyance at peak. 

What you would do to this man if you got a chance. He wouldn’t be smiling like that, he’d be begging you for forgiveness, for release. 

Jaebum smirked as if he could read your mind, “No, I didn't.” 

“Good,” you nodded, gulping as his eyes watched you with unsettling darkness. “Don’t.” 

He rose his eyebrow, before nodding, “As you wish, y/n.” 

You turned and felt his gaze watch you as you walked out. You felt it lower, watching your hips as it swayed side to side. Your hand gripped the cool handle as your shoulders sagged slightly. 

You let out a low sigh, “Thanks.” 

You disappeared behind the door before Jaebum could reply. 

“Babe!” Heather sang as her long limbs fell over you loosely. You laughed, as you helped her sit straight. She leaned against you again, snuggling her face into your neck as she hugged you, “I love the way you smell, baby!” 

You chuckled as you patted her red matted hair soiled with glitter and sweat at the back of the Uber, “Thanks Heather, I like how you smell too.” 

“Don’t lie,” you could hear her pout, and it only made you smile. “You always make fun of my feet.” 

“But that’s only after the gym or a hike, Heather,” you told her, as you brushed the hair off her face. 

Heather was completely wasted tonight. 

She was already drunk by the time you walked into the club. Jaebum wasn’t anywhere to be found, and you found her with a group of her “friends” that you didn’t like. 

They would always make her drink too much, give her a little white sugar, and let her waste her platinum card on those low lives. 

You didn’t like the way the guys would touch her as she slumped back onto the couch unable to see straight. You didn’t like the way the girls sitting around would not help her, instead, encourage her to be worse. 

You were mad when you were pulling her away from the crowd and towards the bathroom when you had found Jaebum. He had just got to the club himself but was ready to leave as soon as he saw the state Heather was in. 

He sat on the other side of Heather, holding her purse, as Heather held you from the middle seat. 

Heather mumbled something in return and you couldn’t understand it. 

“By that red letterbox is fine,” you told the Uber driver as he slowed down. 

Jaebum got out first, and you helped Heather onto his back before getting out. You turned to the driver, giving him a small smile, “Thank you.”

“No problem, have a good night,” he said, already accepting a new ride. 

“You too,” you said, as you closed the door. You turned to Jaebum, with Heather hanging her head over his shoulder. Her long ember curls falling down his chest as he grunted and halted her up. 

“Woah, stop,” Heather moaned, heaving. 

Jaebum looked at you with terror in his eyes, and you laughed at him, “Come on, let’s get this party animal into bed.”

“Is this where you live?” Jaebum asked as you led him up the small walk to the door. 

You snorted and shook your head, “No, this is Heather’s home.” 

Jaebum rose his eyebrows, and you continued, as you unlocked the doors, 

“Her parents don’t live in this house anymore, so Heather skips between here and the apartment.” 

You turned the lights on and took in the home that greeted you. 

“They love sure love red, huh?” Jaebum commented, taking in the red couch, red feature wall, and red details spread over the living room and kitchen. 

You laughed at that, agreeing with him. The Blacks sure did take pride in their red-haired heritage, and didn’t hide the fact that it was family’s favourite colour, “Mrs Black was going through an interior design phase.”

“Thank god it was just a phase,” Jaebum snickered, making you turn to him with a pointed look as you tried to hide the smile. 

“She wasn’t too bad,” you replied and began walking towards Heather’s room. 

Jaebum followed behind you, grunting as he adjusted Heather on his back, “No, she was just too red.” 

You rolled your eyes as you opened her bedroom door and walked towards the bed. You pulled down the covers and Jaebum gently set her down. You took off her shoes, and earrings carefully. 

Jaebum didn’t say anything and just watched you as you walked around the room getting out her nightshirt, and face-cleansing products. 

“Why are you looking at me, Jaebum?” You asked, not looking at him. Instead, you pumped out the cleanser on a pad and gently took off the makeup from her face. 

“Is there a problem?” Jaebum asked back, making you snort. 

You gently turned her face and began the other side, “Yes, it’s making me nervous. I can feel you judging me.”

He was probably thinking what everyone else seemed to think when they saw you and Heather. They never saw the whole you both had for each other, how you would do anything for one another. All they saw was Heather in all her brilliance, beauty and wealth, and you, as her second, her side-kick. 

“I’m not judging you,” he replied instantly. 

Something about the way he said it made you believe him. You bit your lip, as folded the dirty make-up pads and put them on the side table.

“Then what are you doing?” You took a wet towel, wiping her face. You patted it dry and misted some toner and moisturiser. You turned back and met Jaebum’s eyes that remained on you, “Why are you looking at me?”

“There’s nothing else to look at,” he simply shrugged. 

You rolled your eyes and pointed to the wall covered with photos of Heather through the years. Most of them had you in them, celebrating every holiday, and some photos from random days when the sun was shining brightly. 

Jaebum stared at the wall as if noticing it for the first time. He got up and slowly walked up towards it. He took in the photos for a while, a small chuckle leaving him sometimes, “How did you two become friends?” 

You smiled at the memory, “She saved me.” 

You stared at your gorgeous friend, as she got up slightly. She searched around, her eyes disappearing as she smiled spotting you, “Oh, you’re here, y/n. I was going to the store on Wednesday.”

She trailed off, falling back into her pillow dozing off again. 

“Her hangover is going to kill her tomorrow,” you turned to Jaebum with a tight smile, as you held up the nightshirt, “I’m going to change her.” 

Jaebum instantly turned on his heels and walked out, closing the doors behind him. 

You walked out to the smell of coffee and Jaebum sitting at the kitchen counter with two mugs in front of him. You furrowed your eyebrows as you settled on the chair in front of him, “Is this poisoned?” 

Jaebum snorted rolling his eyes. 

You blew the coffee before sipping it. It was still searing hot, so you placed it down on the counter, and turned towards Jaebum. 

You took in his midnight hair pushed back, revealing his forehead. You didn’t know you could find someone’s forehead so sexy, but after seeing his hair down while he was at work, you had to admit it was hot. His piercings that were normally missing during office hours had returned too, a few missing. 

You frowned your eyes focusing on his nose and eyebrows, “Why aren’t you wearing all your piercings?” 

“It’s a nuisance putting it on and off,” Jaebum shrugged, before pointing to his lips, his tongue coming out to flick the sliver hoop, “Just wore my favourite.” 

You held your breath, as the image of the cool metal against your lips, flicked by your tongue, gently tugged by your teeth invaded your mind. Your cheeks heated but you continued like nothing was happening to your body. 

“Do you have piercings anywhere else?” 

Jaebum smirked, “If you’re into pierced nipples, I can get them done for you.” 

You groaned, a ridiculous smile on your face as you shook your head, “Can you ever have a conversation without being a prick?” 

“A prick?” he gasped, “that’s a bit harsh. I would say I’m more of a flirt.”

“Oh, so you know? This is a conscious decision. You wake up every day and decide to be the bane of my existence.” 

“I do wake up every morning and think of you,” Jaebum smiled at you. He chuckled, seeing you roll your eyes at him. 

“You’re ridiculous,” you snorted. Jaebum simply shrugged, smiling. 

Something beeped from the kitchen and Jaebum got up. You watched him walk over to the stove and turn it off. He reached for a mug before looking through the drawers for something. 

You narrowed your eyes watching him, “What are you looking for?” 

“Uh... a strainer?” He turned back to you, scratching the back his head. “I don’t know what it’s called.” 

Your heart melted at how adorable he looked standing there, confused and unsure. The smile on his lips was so beautiful as he watched you, waiting for you. 

“The second drawer over there,” you pointed, not looking at him as your cheeks tinted rosy again. 

Jaebum murmured thanks, before using it to drain the liquid from the pot and into the cup, “It’s a hangover tea. My mum makes it for me every time I get too drunk.” 

“You live with your mum?” You asked. Jaebum peered back at you a small smile on his lips. 

“Yeah, but I rarely ever get to see her.” 

“Why’s that?” You frowned. The way Jaebum talked about her, the lightness in his voice and the softness of his smile, told you how much he adored his mother. 

Jaebum shrugged before giving you a cheeky smile, “My house is too big.” 

You laughed at that. You were not expecting that at all. You heard Jaebum’s low chuckle as you sobered up. 

“What about you?” He asked as placed the cup onto a tray with a glass of water and two tablets he found next to the refrigerator. “Do you live alone?”

“Yup,” you nodded, before frowning, “Not even a pet.” 

“No pets?” He asked, sympathetic. 

You nodded, “I’m scared of animals. It doesn’t matter what size, or how well-trained, or what the animal is. I am terrified of them all the same.” 

Jaebum gasped as if you had confessed to a murder, “What is wrong with you?”

“Wow, I thought this was a safe place,” you mumbled before taking a sip from your coffee that had cooled down. You hummed at the taste, he made good coffee. 

“What about your parents?” Jaebum asked, making you stiffen. “Where do they live?” 

You remained quiet. 

You opened your mouth to tell him what you always told anyone who asks. It wasn’t that you were embarrassed or thought it was something to hide. You didn’t want people in your business and telling them to mind their business when they asked only piked up their interest more. 

So you opened your mouth to tell him what you’ve been telling everyone for the past five years, “I don’t live with them.”

Normally you would follow up with something about living here was better for your education or future jobs. You would say something, an excuse, that was reason enough for many young people to move out of their parents home. But what you said surprised you, “I don’t talk to them anymore.” 

“Oh,” was all Jaebum said. “That’s cool too.” 

You peered up at him with a frown. You took in his relaxed gaze, the smile on his face just like it there was a minute ago. There was no sympathy, no pity. There was no spike in interest or anything. 

He really didn’t want to pry. He didn't want to know why unless you told him. He only took as much as you could allow him. 

Suddenly there was an iridescent pond shimmering in your chest. It swirled, making your whole body feel alive as you took in Im Jaebum. It felt as if your entire body was one cell, one tiny speck of dust caught in the breeze of Im Jaebum, and it didn’t mind. 

You gulped, your body and mind acting quicker than you could control, “They couldn’t stand the sight of at me after they found out I was still doing something I promised I wouldn’t do anymore.” 

The faces of your parents appeared in front of your eyes. The shock, anger, the disappointment on their face as they found you lying in a pool of your urine and vomit. The horror in their eyes, their desperateness as they shook your body, pleading for you to reply. 

“They didn't kick me out. I left,” you ran a hand through your hair, as you let out a heavy sigh. You thought of the letter you wrote them, the way they had cried when they came to the hospital to meet you during those months, “I couldn’t hurt them anymore.”

“Do you think you would ever go meet them again?” You looked up to Jaebum watching you. You were thankful for the lack of pity in his eyes as he kept his gaze on you. 

You sighed again, and it came out as a little laugh, “One day I will.” 

You nodded, as you met his eyes. He smiled at you softly, and you smiled back as you scrunched your nose to stop the tears from threatening you, “When I am good enough, I will.” 

“I hope that day comes soon.” 

You didn’t realise Jaebum had come this close to you as you were talking. He leaned against the counter between you, his eyes intently taking you in. He folded his hands on the dark marble, his face leaning half-way over the counter. 

You watched him back. 

He was so beautiful. 

You huffed out a smile as you shook your head at him. Jaebum instantly changed, leaning back, the playfulness in his eyes glinting once again as he rose an eyebrow in question. 

“You’re not too bad, you know?” You smiled at him, before adding, “When you’re acting like a normal human being at least.” 

Jaebum laughed at that before giving you a mocking smirk, “You’re not too bad yourself, y/n.”

You grinned about to say thank you, when he added, “When you’re not acting like a stick is stuck up your ass at least.” 

“What an asshole,” you shook your head, laughing at him. 

Jaebum beamed back, his eyes shining, “What a bitch.” 

You took in the dark flecks in his eyes. You noticed their velvety blackness absorbing all light around it, but something else existed in those captivating eyes of his eyes. They didn’t get dragged away into the twilight of his gaze.  

Instead, it shone brightly. It glistened, it was golden, white and sparkled like a starry night. It dragged you in, it made you want to lean close to him. 

It made you want to place your lips on his and see how that shimmering halo swirled as he pulled you in closer. It made you want to reach for him, to place your hand on his soft cheeks. It made you want to walk around the counter and hug him in the middle of the kitchen littered with red embellishments. 

Jaebum’s smile curled into an easy smirk as he winked at you before turning around. He picked up the tray with a cup of tea, a glass of water and Panadol, as walked towards the door the red-haired beauty was sleeping in. 

Everything had a price. 

Somewhere deep within your heart was a corner buried so deeply in the darkness you had forgotten it existed. The room was cold, dark, and there was nothing. Nothing except for a lone candle standing in the middle of the emptiness. 

There had been nothing there for an eternity, and it was almost like magic. It almost felt like a trick of the eye, but then it happened again. 

A flame, a spark, flickering at the tip of the candle; it sparked again. 

This time it caught on. It burned, slowly getting brighter and livelier. 

You watched Jaebum disappear behind the door of Heather’s room. 

A sharp ache twisted your heart as you saw his broad back enter the dark room she was sleeping in. 

The flame spreading over the wick twisted in shades of ember, their shadows dancing over the room. 

You saw a word, you saw a face. 

You knew the price for this feeling tugging, craving to grow bigger in your heart. You walked into the room, hidden in a deep corner of your heart. The ivory trail of your dress dragged on the dusty floor, turning brown with every step. 

You didn’t look at the walls, you didn’t take in the shapes of the flames. 

You took sharp, clear steps. You reached the candle, the flame reflecting softly against you. You closed your eyes, took in a deep breath and exhaled, blowing out the candle. 

The flame was gone. 

The candle extinguished, the room engulfed in darkness, once again.  

You looked to the wall, the photo was no longer there but the image there was burnt into your mind. 

The price of this feeling was too expensive. 

It was too precious, and you couldn’t afford it.

#duff #im jaebum #im jaebeom #lim #im #jaebum #jaebeom #lim jaebeom #got7 #got7 jaebum #got7 jaebeom #got7 series #jaebum series #imagine #jaebeom fanfic #jaebeom series #got7 smut #got7 angst #jaebum angst #angst #jaebeom angst #imagine angst #got7 fluff #fluff #smut #jaebum fic #jaedaddy #hope yall like it #not edited #hmmm don't really like the beginning

[thedeviltohisangel]

She Was Mine, I Was Hers//2

And she hated that she didn’t know the truth. She didn’t know where he was or where he was going or what was really happening. She had her own ideas. Gathered an opinion based on her history with him. But she ached with the thought that maybe she never knew him at all.

masterlist is my url/writing

accepting requests for this pairing

She had heard about Germany. Seen the wall to wall news coverage of the Avengers going to war with themselves. Watched with horror as Bucky flashed across the cable channels. It had been hard enough seeing him blamed for the UN bombing but now...now it seemed she really had no chance of seeing him again.

She couldn’t say that she had no regrets over leaving him. Her reasons for doing so were honest. She was losing herself and place in the world by being on the run with him. It had never occurred to her that leaving would mean never seeing him again. That Bucky would keep running and running and would never leave a trail for her to follow. And it kept her up at night, wondering if he had the capacity to forget her. Compartmentalize their time together. Shove it to the side and move on with his life the way he had for decades.

And she hated that she didn’t know the truth. She didn’t know where he was or where he was going or what was really happening. She had her own ideas. Gathered an opinion based on her history with him. But she ached with the thought that maybe she never knew him at all.

----

Lucia had ended up settling in Cape Town. It was remote enough that no one from her past bothered her but modern enough she needn’t go far for a bottle of wine or a new tube of mascara. A part of her knew that if she had gone to America, that would be a nail in the coffin of her and Bucky. He would never be welcome there after all he had done. So she stayed far away in the hopes one day she would find it in herself to accept the life he needed to live. Find it in himself to accept the life she needed to live. Or maybe they would be forced back together.

She paused her reading of Proust as the lights flickered in her apartment then shut off, cloaking it entirely in darkness. “It’s not even windy,” she groaned as she got up to go and see if the other units were as dark as hers. A peek out the window told her they weren’t. Her heart beat a little faster at that. Bucky had told her, long ago, that she might be used as leverage against. Explained to her the warning signs of how that would happen. Targeted isolation was one of them. 

“Bucky said to give you this. So you knew you could trust me.” She screamed as a man’s voice pierced the silence, her eyes searching the living room to try and find some sort of barings. Out from the moonlight stepped Steve Rogers. “I’m not here to hurt you. Promise.” He extended a hand towards her and in it was her nightgown. The silk one Bucky had loved so much. The one that had been missing the morning of her flight. Now she knew it was because he had taken it. Had kept it with him all this time.

“How did you get that?” she asked, afraid to touch it. All of her strength was being used to keep her emotions at bay. That little bit of silk would ruin all of it.

“Bucky said it would prove he sent me.”

“Sent you for what?” Her eyes hadn’t moved from his hand.

“See if you would be with him while he goes under.” Her gaze snapped up to meet his eyes.

“What does that mean?” Steve took a deep breath.

“Hydra’s control over him is hardwired into his brain. He asked to be put back on ice until we can figure out how to get it out.” She stood shakily to her feet and took a couple seconds to herself, to try and work through the words he was saying. Bucky had worked so hard to remember the bits and pieces of his life. She could only imagine the division within him when he had been reverted back to the Winter Soldier. 

“Where is he?”

“Wakanda.”

“And he asked for me?” It had been long enough since their last conversation. If she had known all he had been going through…

“Only if you want to see him. I didn’t come here to force you.” Bucky wanted her to be the last thing he saw. And if it didn’t work, he wanted to know he had done at least one thing right in his life to have been loved by her if only for a fleeting moment. He wanted her to know he loved her too. That he always would. That, if it led to her, he wouldn’t do anything different.

“Let me grab my bag.” Steve watched her walk towards the bed and grab a backpack from underneath the frame. He smirked. 

----

She asked if she could have some time once they arrived in Wakanda before she went to see him. Steve obliged, saying he would be back in a little bit to bring her to the lab. Lucia showered and tried on all the clothes in her bag before settling on a dress that was in the closet of the room she had been given. She couldn’t help but laugh at herself in the mirror. The girl looking back at her was blushing, glowing and every other cliche word that describes a young girl hopelessly falling in love. Maybe there was no Lucia without Bucky. Maybe he was the spark that kept the smile on her face. Maybe she should have never walked out on him that day. Was it too late? Did him going back on ice mean he would never be just Bucky again? Lucia heard a knock on the door and knew it was time. She didn’t know if this was a see you again later or a goodbye. And she didn’t know which one she wanted it to be either.

----

He looked good from afar at least. He was smiling as he exchanged words with Steve, her eyes immediately moving to the lack of metal arm on his left side. She wondered if he even missed it. He turned and saw her through the glass panels. In that moment she knew. They both knew. Leaving had been the right thing to do because he wouldn’t have been able to protect her through everything that had followed. He was no longer angry at her for leaving and she was no longer hurt that he didn’t say goodbye. When you love someone, you learn to forgive them.

“Steve said you had made it.” Bucky swallowed as she stood just outside of his reach. 

“I wanted to make sure you were okay. See you with my own eyes after everything I saw on TV.” Even though she had never stopped thinking about him and her feelings had never gone away, she felt out of place standing in front of him. Like they were strangers again.

“I wanted to let you know I was okay. I didn’t know if I could or if you even wanted me to.” She nodded and looked down at her feet. “I am okay,” he assured her.

“Good. I’d kill you if you weren’t.” They both smiled together, the joke easing some of the tension from their shoulders. “How long do you think it’ll take?” She began to drift a bit closer as she remembered the actual reason for her being here. Bucky was going under. He’d be gone again. Truly not there with her.

“I hope not long but I’m willing to do anything to make sure no one can control me like that ever again.” Her hand had found its way into his lap, his fingers twisting with hers. It was pure elation to touch her again. To be with her and feel her love for him washing over him in waves. It reminded him he wasn’t actually alone here at all. That if even when she wasn’t with him physically, her love always would be.

“I’ll stay here as long as it takes,” she whispered as she finally found the courage to look him in the eyes.

“Lucia, I would never ask you to do that.” Put her whole life on hold for him again. Clip her wings to be by his side while he recovered from years of trauma.

“I know. And you didn’t. I’ve lived life without you, Bucky, and it wasn’t really living. I want to be here when you wake up. By your side every day as you reclaim your life.” He leaned forward and pecked her lips gently. “I want to learn all the new parts of you. Fall in love with all of them the way I have the rest of you.” Because she had always believed that she loved all of Bucky. The damaged, torched by Hydra pieces as well as everything else. His arm  wrapped around her waist and pulled her closer to where he sat.

“I love you, Lucia. I want you to be the last thing I see every night and the first thing I see every morning for the rest of my life,” he breathed into her skin. Bucky hoped this process didn’t last so long that he didn’t get the chance to get his new life. He trusted the Wakandans and Shuri to be able to give him the opportunity.

“I want that more than anything,” she smiled as Steve walked up next to them. Their time was up. “I’ll be here when you wake up. I promise.” After Steve said his goodbyes, they both watched Bucky close his eyes and drift into a long sleep from the hallway.

“I can bring you back to where you were until it’s time,” he offered.

“No. I’m not leaving.” Not again. Not ever again. “Where will you go?” Last time she had checked, Captain America was technically a fugitive.

“Some friends of mine are in prison. Think I might go get them.” She nodded like it made sense. 

“Well, I wish you the best of luck, Captain Rogers.” She offered her hand. He shook it firmly.

“Take care of him. When it’s safe enough…”

“I know.” Steve left but she stayed where she was. A sentry by Bucky’s side. It was his turn to be protected. Have someone watch over him. Not have to look over his shoulder at every turn. And she’d be here to make sure of it.

----

The days passed well enough. She did a lot of reading and writing and exploring. The Wakandans had been more than welcoming. Shuri had taught her new dance moves and slang. Okoye had helped her get handy with a spear. T’Challa had made it a point to invite her to all the meals the royal family shared. She was happy and knew she could live the rest of her life like this if she had to. 

But on the nights the darkness was particularly daunting and her room was particularly silent, she found herself walking past the lab where Bucky was. Frozen in time. It brought her some comfort to think he was at peace. That he was actually able to sleep. That soon, the demons would be forced to leave him alone. 

“I love you, Bucky,” she whispered as she pressed her hand against the glass. Even in the darkness, she always wanted him to know that she was there by his side. 

----

Lucia was chasing a group of children around in the grass when the time finally came. She knew as soon as T’Challa appeared at the top of the hill, her heart racing. Even though she had looked forward to this moment for so long, she wasn’t sure what to do. Would it have truly worked? Would Bucky still be Bucky? Would he have forgotten more than just the words in his head but all of his good memories as well?

“Mr. Barnes is being awoken today.” He looked at her carefully and spoke softly. He knew she had just gotten used to being without him. He knew that none of them could plan for the unknown of what happened next. “Would you still like to be there?”

“Yes,” Lucia responded. 

“Then let us go.” 

----

She had imagined this moment a thousand different ways in her head. Some were out of a romance novel. Her kisses awakens him and they reunite against the backdrop of the sunset before vowing to live a simple life in the countryside for the rest of time. Other scenarios were ones of nightmares. The tests don’t work. He wakes up as the Winter Soldier and terrorizes those who had tried to help him. Or he wakes up and his memory has been erased. He looks at her with confusion and nothingness. She is doomed to love a man that would never love her back. She hoped, as the temperature rose and Bucky was slowly brought back to life, that it would land somewhere in the middle. That no matter the obstacles that surely lay ahead they would face them together. There was no life without him. There was no one else. He is hers and she is his. And that is how it is meant to be.

#bucky barnes #sebastian stan #bucky barnes x reader #captain america #winter soldier #avengers #bucky barnes fandom #bucky barnes fanfiction #captain america fanfiction #winter soldier fanfiction #marvel #marvel fanfiction #avengers fanfiction

[tonightthestarsalign]

love you to the moon and to saturn

This started out as a kid!fic because of @thedeathdeelers talking about a juke baby in this post. It did not end up there. It’s much more of a character study I think. In fact this is roughly 2k and 1.5k happen before Julie ever gets pregnant. Idk what to tell you. 

I might try this again sometime and actually write something about the kid, for tonight though, this is all I have. 

That electricity he felt the first time he played the guitar is back, but stronger than ever. He can feel it pulsing under his skin when he looks at Julie. She turns to smile at him and he feels like floating. He just might have been wrong about what being in love feels like.

or: the three times Luke fell in love. 

Luke finds the love of his life at age 11. His parents buy him a guitar for music classes in school and there’s no looking back. He learns the chords the instructor teaches him with the kind of determination and focus that his parents have never seen on him. The boy that can never focus on anything for more than ten minutes suddenly spends hours sitting in a corner and trying again, and again, and again until he can place his fingers exactly the way he should, switching between the chords faster and faster.

The day he finally plays the first melody is burned into his memory for the rest of his life. The feeling of pure joy cursing through his veins is something unlike anything he ever experienced. There’s always the feeling of electricity under his skin, but with his hands on the guitar, it rushes into his heart and makes him feel alive in a way nothing has ever done before. 

He goes home that day, his fingers bleeding from the strings, and tells his mother he found the love of his life. Emily yells at him until her voice gives out. It’s their first fight of many. 

He dies only six short years later and in his final moments he’s glad to have found love, even with how short his life was, because how could something ever surpass the feeling he got when he had his guitar and a song? 

His stomach is cramping, tears are rolling down his cheeks and he is happy he’d gotten to experience the thrill of being on stage, the feeling of people singing his lyrics back to him. How could something have ever made him feel more?

He gets a second shot at life, or at least something close to it, when they tumble from the black room into their studio. Technically the studio is the same, the changes are slight, but noticeable. The plants all over the space, the chairs on the ceiling, their instruments missing and the cute girl register in his mind, but he doesn’t really care. He is back here by some magic and he is going to use his chance. When Julie tells them that it hasn’t been an hour but 25 years, he does falter for a moment. Why would the universe not only give them a second chance, but why 25 years later? 

Not soon after he finds out they can still play and people can hear it and all the questions go out the window. What does it matter why he is here? What does it matter if he isn’t actually alive, when he can still do the thing he loves most?

The next morning he hears Julie sing and something in the back of his mind tells him that he was wrong. Maybe he wasn’t actually in love with music. Julie sings and his heart that has been silent ever since the black room, throbs once in his chest.

In the following days they spend an intimate moment in the kitchen, sing together on stage and write songs together and that little voice in the back of his mind gets louder and louder. It gets to the point where he can barely ignore it anymore. 

She tells them how important the school dance is and Luke in all his rage and thirst for revenge ruins it. They go  to Caleb’s club and miss her dance. He looks at Julie’s disappointed face when they finally make it to the school and the pain in his chest comes close to the night he died. He feels like the worst person in the universe.

Somehow, she forgives them. He’s not sure he deserves it. But he is slowly but surely realizing Julie Molina is a better person than him and so of course she forgives him for hurting her. 

It’s when they are at Eats&Beats and they sing about knowing they can make it and closing their eyes when his heart throbs once more. Julie’s voice rings through the room and the words echo in his head. He looks at this girl that he’s only known for a couple days really, and he realizes that that little voice might have a point. 

That electricity he felt the first time he played the guitar is back, but stronger than ever. He can feel it pulsing under his skin when he looks at Julie. She turns to smile at him and he feels like floating. He just might have been wrong about what being in love feels like. 

Even though she has forgiven him, his little stunt with Caleb almost costs him dearly. The jolts keep getting worse and when he finally tells her about what’s happening, she looks at him with wide, sad eyes and it breaks his heart. He swears to himself that we will do everything in his power to make sure she nevers looks at him like that again. 

They try to save themselves by performing at the Orpheum and it’s a n incredible rush to stand there on stage, to do what he never got to do while alive but the second they take their bow, he realizes that it didn’t work. 

Julie finds them later that night, on the ground of the garage where they poofed to because they have nowhere else to go. She begs them to take Caleb up on his offer and on her face is that same look that he never wanted to see again. He pushes up on his feet and walks up to her and tells her that no music is worth making without her. 

And really, while once upon a time he thought music was the love of his life, he now looks at this fiery, beautiful girl and knows, that while he no longer may be technically alive, he is much more in love with her than he ever was with music. 

But then again, it is hard to say where music ends and Julie begins. 

Julie throws herself at him and he doesn’t even think about it as his arms come up and catch her. It’s a couple moments before he notices that they’re touching. She pulls back a little, and it’s like a magnetic force that makes him follow her. If he could, he’d never let her go again.

It’s only later that night, that he realizes his heart is beating again. 

He gets an actual second chance at life because the person he loves more than anything pulled him back from the death. 

She kisses him the next night, on her porch underneath the starlight. It’s still fascinating to him that they can touch, so when she steps closer and takes his hand, his breath catches. She tugs softly on his hand, until he stumbles a step forward, right into her space. There’s only inches between them, and she has to tip her head back a little to look into his eyes. He never realized how much shorter she is.

She looks up at him with those wide brown eyes and smiles. 

“I’m going to kiss you now.” She whispers softly and all Luke can do is nod. Julie pushes up on her tiptoes and then their lips are touching. 

It’s not Luke’s first kiss, not by far. But it feels like it’s the first one that matters.

The sky is full of stars, but the brightest one is right here in his arms.

Afterwards everything happens so quickly that even looking back it feels like only moments passed. 

Ray gets them set up with passports and social security numbers so they can go back to school. Andi Park calls again and they end up with a contract and a label. ‘Stand Tall’ gets released as a single and hits no. 2 on the Billboard Hot 100. Half a year later, in the middle of Luke’s senior year they drop their first album. They spend the summer touring. Several more tours and albums follow and by the time they’re hit their early twenties all of them are set for life. 

Julie and him get married one autumn afternoon. The ground is dappled in flickers of light from the sun passing through the colorful leaves. Julie is the most beautiful thing he has ever seen. The simple white dress looks ethereal against her skin. Her curls tumble down her shoulders and Luke can’t believe she chose him. 

He stumbles through his vows, cries at Julie’s and slides the ring on her finger with a ridiculous smile on his face. Alex, Reggie, Carlos and Flynn whoop when they kiss at the end of the ceremony. Ray is smiling, his cheeks wet from tears. It’s everything. 

They buy a house a couple weeks later. It’s close to the shore, with a nice backyard for the puppy they adopt. Biscuit is a golden retriever and when she looks up at Luke in the shelter from where she’s hiding underneath a blanket, he knows he’s taking her home with them.

They get two rocking chairs for the porch where they spend their evenings with Luke’s acoustic and their shared songwriting notebook.  

Julie tells him she is pregnant two years later. Luke cries. 

Elena Rose is born in the middle of the night a couple days before christmas. Luke looks at the little bundle on Julie’s chest and forgets to breathe. His heart thumbs in his chest. His wife’s hair is pulled back in a messy bun and she is obviously exhausted. She looks the most beautiful he has ever seen her.

Slowly he steps closer. Elena is sleeping, her little fingers flexing against Julie’s skin. Her face is a little scrunched up and there’s a tiny tuft of dark hair on her head. He looks down at this living being he created and feels like his heart might burst. She is barely a person and still he loves her. He loves her so much it could span eternities and galaxies, life and death.

“She’s gorgeous.” He mutters. 

“I know.” Julie smiles. “Come here.” She pats the bed beside her and Luke is all too willing to slide in next to her. 

“I can’t believe we made her.” He says. 

“You want to take her?” Julie asks.”I’m going to be falling asleep pretty soon.” She doesn’t even wait for his answer, instantly passing over the little body. He doesn’t even get the chance to hesitate before she’s in his arms. Julie drops her head on his shoulder as he settles Elena on his chest. 

His daughter opens her eyes and looks up at him with wide blue eyes. His heart swells in his chest.

They get to take her home two days later and Luke puts her down in her crib. She’s wiggling a little, her hands and feet moving in her sleep. 

He leans against the door frame to his daughters room and watches her sleep, still unable to believe that he brought this life into the world. There’s a melody in his head and he’s itching to write it down, but can’t bring himself to look away from her for even a minute.

Julie steps up next to him, leaning against his side. 

“I never thought I could love anything more than you.” He admits quietly.”But she’s…”

Julie smiles. “I know what you mean.” 

He presses a kiss to his wife’s temple. “Sometimes I can’t believe how I got so lucky. I died in 95 and here I am, 35 years later with more than I could have ever wished for.”

“The universe has been kind to us.” Julie agrees quietly.

And as he stands there, with his wife in his arms and his daughter asleep in her bed, he sends a thank you to whoever might be listening. 

#jatp #julie and the phantoms #juke #jukebox #my fic

[unitchiefs-blackbirdphoenix]

Truth and Awakenings Ch. 5

Summary: A Jemily rewrite of certain scenes in 14x15-15x03, with a few additional scenes :)

Chapter summary: JJ wakes up and tells Emily she’s in love with her.

Read on AO3

Tagging: @binariesarebullshit @bridget19 @jemilyisms

Emily’s eyes focused on one tiny spot on the white tiled floor. She was crouching forward a little, as she chewed on her thumbnail and impatiently tapped her foot. She felt a little tired after staying at the hospital for almost more than half of the day, but she wanted to stay awake for her friend.

“Emily,” Will called out in the hallway, making her head snap towards his direction. “She’s awake. She wants to see you.”

Emily stood up, wiping her somewhat sweaty palms on her slacks. “Is she ok?”

Will smiled, “Why don’t you go see for yourself? I gotta go pick up the boys.” He saw Emily staring off into space and placed a hand on her arm. “I really think you should go see her, Emily. You’re one of the most important people in her life.”

The woman was taken aback by that statement coming from Will. JJ’s husband. That means nothing, right? Emily is one of JJ’s best friends, of course, he would say that. She hesitantly nodded and Will patted her on the shoulder before leaving.

Emily took a deep breath and shook her head to drive her nerves away. She slowly made her way towards JJ’s hospital room and her eyes searched for the blonde.

JJ saw her and gave a smile. “Hey, you.”

Emily softly smiled back, “Hey.” It faded shortly once she examined JJ’s body resting on the bed. Her eyes were filled with concern, “How are you feeling?”

“I’m fine.”

“JJ…” her boss warned, knowing that she was lying. That response always meant, 'I don't want to talk about right now. I can handle myself.' Emily was very familiar with that phrase.

“Emily, I’m fine. Really,” JJ told her. Emily raised an eyebrow at her, clearly not buying it. “Ok,” the blonde finally said. “I will admit it kinda hurts when I move a little.”

Emily awkwardly pointed at the door. “I should go and let you get some rest.”

“No. No, not yet.” JJ sighed happily, staring up at her with love in her eyes. “I’m glad you’re here. I missed you.”

“I missed you, too.” The grey-haired woman slightly smiled and her eyes scanned the room as she bit her lip in worry. She lifted a hand before JJ stopped her, knowing she was going to bite her fingernails, and felt the blonde’s hand easily slip into hers.

“I should’ve found you sooner. I shouldn't have made us split up…” Emily started apologizing.

JJ shook her head, “Hey, it’s fine. I just happened to have found Lynch and his daughter when we did. I’m not blaming you for any of this and neither should you.” She knew Emily always put herself down for risking other people’s lives, and would rather put her own life on the line just save them. JJ needed to make Emily understand that she knew the other woman didn’t intend to put her in danger.

Emily blinked and shook her head. She almost didn’t believe her best friend would ever forgive her. “But this is my responsibility and- and you got hurt.”

“Emily-”

“You flatlined for a few seconds. I was there when they-”

“Emily,” JJ cut her off, her face softening afterwards. “Look at me.”

Emily finally put her attention back to the blonde and began to relax her shoulders, brushing her thumb over JJ’s hand. “You could’ve died, if I didn’t make it on time.”

“But you did make it on time.” A smile slowly made its way to JJ’s face, “You saved my life, Emily. You always did.”

Emily shrugged, “I don’t know what I’d do, if I didn’t.”

JJ simply nodded. Even the blonde wouldn’t know what to do with herself, if Emily was hurt on the job, either. JJ understood what Emily meant because she would’ve done the same and risk her own life for her.

Then, she remembered why she told Will she wanted to see Emily alone. “There’s something I need to tell you.”

Emily froze for a second, as questions began to run through her head. She’s not quitting, is she? I understand if she does, I mean, she nearly died and-

She felt a gentle tug at her hand and glanced down. JJ had seen Emily lost somewhere in her thoughts again, so she decided to bring her back down to earth, rubbing the older woman’s thumb. Emily brought her comfort earlier, so it was her turn to offer it to her, feeling Emily’s hand squeeze hers.

JJ’s tongue darted out at the corner of her mouth before taking a shaky breath. “Will and I divorced two years ago.”

Emily’s eyes widened in shock. “Oh my god. JJ, I don’t- I’m so sorry. Did something happen?” she stuttered. Part of her hoped that was a sign that she could finally be with JJ, but the other part of her was confused as to why. She had no involvement in destroying their marriage and they didn’t even look like they were having any issues (to her and everyone else, at least), so why was she still freaking out?

“Kind of,” JJ sighed and Emily brought her focus back to her. “I realized that I’ve been in love with you. For a really long time.”

Emily’s body froze again. She’s in love with me? JJ… is in love with me? I don’t understand. Why?

The blonde’s eyes widened in panic. She must’ve misheard her earlier, then. “I’m sorry, Emily. I just thought that-”

“No, no, no, no!” Emily exclaimed too quickly before clearing her throat, cheeks flushing a light pink. “I mean, uh…”

JJ shook her head, suddenly feeling embarrassed. “Look, I know you’re with Andrew but-”

“I’m not with him anymore,” she said. “We broke up. It’s over.”

Upon hearing this news, JJ smiled in relief.

“Now, what made you realize you had feelings for me?” Emily grinned, as she dragged a chair nearby to sit next to her, choosing not to leave the room. She rested her chin in her palm and looked at the younger agent with adoration.

JJ let out a genuine laugh, feeling glad that her secret was out. “Well, at first I thought it was this little crush because you were… so strong and amazingly stunning, and confident.” She shrugged with a little head shake, “And because of that, you seemed way out of my league, so, you know, I tried ignoring it for a while.”

Emily was surprised that JJ found her almost hard to get, especially when she was thinking the same about the blonde. “Was I really that intimidating?” she asked with a chuckle.

“Maybe, yeah,” JJ giggled, finding that ridiculous now. “Well, I thought it was kinda hot, so…”

Emily just smiled and let her continue, ignoring the small blush appearing on her cheeks at the compliment.

JJ looked down and interlocked their fingers together. “I guess, after a while, I saw how you tried making me feel like I was important. That I was valid. No one’s ever made me feel that way before. You never forced me to change. You always made it comfortable for me to be myself and never judged me.”

“Then, there was that time I was tortured, and I thought of you coming to my rescue." She shook her head and sighed for a second, "I realized my mind always went to you and nobody else. I should’ve known that sooner, but it took me a while to know about these feelings I had for you.”

It was true. JJ didn’t know she had all these signs right in front of her. All those years, she had dismissed those as little ‘coincidences’ or merely someone just helping a friend out. It was way deeper than that. Emily cared for her in a way no one else in her life had, and was willing to lay down her life to save JJ’s.

JJ glanced back up to meet Emily’s eyes and gave a warm smile. “You’re the first person I’ve ever truly loved. I loved Will, too, but it was never as much as I loved you. I, uh- that’s why we decided to divorce. It gave me time to explore my feelings about you and now, I feel sure that I’m in love with you, Emily.”

“Really?”

JJ nodded, tears forming in her own eyes, “Yes. God, I love you so much, Emily.”

“I love you, too, JJ,” Emily whispered with watery eyes.

The two women smiled at each other, finally feeling the weight lift off their shoulders from professing their love for one another. After almost 14 years of yearning, they were now able to be together.

Emily sighed and pressed a kiss against JJ’s forehead. The blonde frowned, making Emily laugh.

“Why didn’t you kiss me?” JJ pouted even more and tilted her head to the side. Emily thought it was adorable.

“Because I don’t wanna give the medical staff a hard time, if the monitor goes off,” she winked, earning a playful slap on the arm.

JJ rolled her eyes and shook her head at her remark. “What a charmer.”

“Hey, you said you were attracted to my confidence, so you’re gonna have to deal with it,” the grey-haired woman smirked.

“Shut up,” JJ blushed and licked her lips. “Um, Emily. I forgot to tell you, but Will and Spencer actually knew about the whole…” she awkwardly gestured with her hands, “me being in love with you thing.”

Emily needed a moment to register those words. That explains why Will didn’t seem mad at her or anything like that, but wait. “Spence knew about this?”

“Long story,” the blonde answered, placing a hand on Emily’s arm. “I’ll tell you sometime after I get out.”

“Well, Dave knew about me having a thing for you, so…” Emily quietly confessed.

“So, do you think they were waiting for us to get together?” JJ asked, a little amused and surprised.

Emily shrugged, “Probably. For a couple of profilers, we really are blind.”

JJ laughed, and her body was filled with warmth and giddiness when the older woman kissed her hand. Emily frowned at the small object on JJ’s finger. Speaking of profiling… “What about your wedding ring?”

“Oh,” JJ gave a sheepish smile. “I totally forgot about it. Whoops.”

She toyed with the ring, shyly looking at it before waving her hand. “I, um, kept it on because I didn’t want the team throwing me questions about my divorce. I already had enough thrown at me when I was a liaison.” Then, she leaned in closer. “Also because I didn’t want some unsub or detective thinking they have a chance and try to hit on me,” she winked.

Emily chuckled in amusement. “Wow.”

“I’m telling you, the ring works every time.”

Emily playfully shook her head and stared at the ring on JJ’s finger. While she wasn't the one married to the younger woman, she smiled at the thought of sharing her life with JJ. But that seemed too soon to think about.

“What’s with the smile?” JJ asked, forming one of her own.

“Nothing,” Emily played off with a wave of a hand.

JJ tucked a piece of hair behind Emily’s ear and kissed her knuckles. “Emily,” she quietly said. “I know I’m in a tough situation right now, but… how about I take you out on a date after this?”

Blushing at the small gesture, Emily answered with a smile. “I would love that.”

JJ felt a sense of relief when she accepted the invitation. “Does this make us a couple now?” she wondered where their relationship stood at this point.

Emily opened her mouth, blinking as she carefully chose her words. Sure, they had just confessed their love right now, but she decided she wanted to take things slow with JJ. “Well, we’ll see how things go before we think about putting labels on whatever this is,” she offered as a compromise.

“Ok,” JJ nodded in agreement and beamed at her. “I love you, you know that?”

“I love you, too.”

After a few seconds, JJ nudged Emily’s arm, “Hey. Once I get discharged, do you think-”

“Nope! No, absolutely not. You are not working under those conditions,” Emily warned, shaking her head.

“But Emily…” JJ stressed each syllable of her name, pouting. She hoped this and her irresistible baby blues would work on the grey-haired woman.

“That’s a no, Agent Jareau,” she said with a serious look in her eyes, though, she had to mentally restrain herself from giving in.

JJ playfully whined even more, “Emily, I thought you loved me!”

“That gives you no excuse to be out in the field right now," Emily shook her head. God, JJ was even more stubborn about her well-being than she thought.

"Fine,” JJ crossed her arms over her chest and pretended to sulk, like a child not getting their favorite candy.

“You’re so cute,” Emily smiled and kissed her nose.

JJ took this as an opportunity to snake a hand behind Emily’s neck, bringing her head closer. The softness JJ felt against her lips made her melt instantly and she wanted to continue kissing her longer. She felt herself nearly getting dizzy from it and thought she was going to faint soon, but she didn’t care. JJ had been waiting years to do this. She just didn’t expect Emily to be that good of a kisser.

They both heard a rapid beeping and Emily nearly jumped out of her chair. Dr. Hsu came rushing in and laughed after she got the EKG monitor back to normal.

“Oh, I knew you two were a couple,” she said, seeing the flustered women, before leaving the room. “Make sure you take it easy. You almost had us worried for a second.”

“I told you,” Emily smirked at JJ, now noticing the effect she had on the blonde.

JJ lifted a shoulder and innocently smiled. “I couldn’t help myself.”

#jemily #jennifer jareau #emily prentiss #jemily fic #criminal minds