#and i was like am i missing something? why is he controversial. seems like a normal enough guy | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

bosbas · 6 months

Text

Chapter 10: writing letters addressed to the fire

series masterlist previous part || next part

pairing: benedict bridgerton x best friend!fem!reader WC: 3.8k words

Warnings: period-typical gender roles, idiots in love being idiots in love, angst, pining, like a lot of pining, anthony being controversial

Summary: You and Benedict have been best friends since childhood, but things change dramatically once you come out in society. You’re struggling to find someone you’re as compatible with and who knows you as well as Benedict, all while trying to quell your ever-growing feelings for him. Shenanigans ensue.

A/N: they're so in their evermore era i can't

July 7, 1814 - The expectations were as high as the chandeliers at the Bridgerton Ball two nights prior. And the night did not disappoint. Our forgone diamond of the season made an appearance at the social event. A fact that is expected given the close relationship between the Beaumonts and Bridgertons, but a pleasant surprise given her recent absence from social happenings. While previously the center of attention, Miss Beaumont danced only once at the Bridgerton Ball with one Mr. Alexander Beaumont. Yes, dear reader, her brother. This leaves us with the lingering question: why did Miss Beaumont choose her brother over the allure of a potential match? It seems that Miss Beaumont is simply tired of the ton's social scene, or perhaps she has lost some of her shine now that her best friend has left for the countryside.

He cleared his throat, rubbing his thumb on his lower lip. Finally meeting your eyes, he said, "Well, I was wondering if you'd want to marry me."

You choked, completely taken aback. "Are you alright, Anthony?" you asked, nervously laughing. "Was the whiskey too strong for you after all?"

He pinched his nose, annoyed at your flippant response, but couldn't help the chuckle that escaped his lips. "Be quiet! I'm trying to help you!" he said, laughing.

You were in hysterics now, too. "Help me?! Help me how, pray tell," you managed to get out between giggles.

"You are impossible! How Benedict deals with you so regularly, I have no idea!" he shot back, poking you in the arm as he said each word.

You gasped in mock offense. "Low blow, Anthony, even for you," you said, shaking your head at him, unable to keep from laughing. "Surely you're joking. Why should I let you marry me?"

"Let me marry– Bloody hell, Y/N, and excuse my language, but really, I am coming from a good place here, and you are making it so difficult," he responded, clearly exasperated by your inability to take him seriously.

You ceased laughing and looked at him directly, cocking your head and widening your eyes when you realized he was being sincere. "Anthony? Surely you're joking, right? Does Alex know? He'll kill you if he finds out you proposed to his little sister."

He sighed deeply, shifting in his seat. "Look, I am not joking. But let me explain first, and then you can ask me questions."

You could do little but stare at him, lips parted in confusion. "Go on, then," you said finally, very interested in hearing an explanation for this incredibly unexpected proposal.

Anthony looked over to where Alex was sitting, deep in conversation with your father, and then looked back to you. He turned in his seat so he was fully facing you, one hand on the back of his chair and the other on his knee, contemplating how best to explain himself without sounding insane. "I know it sounds like a crazy idea. Trust me, I can barely imagine it myself. But I do think it might be a good one," he said finally, hoping to get some kind of response from you, only to be met with a blank stare. You were still entirely unconvinced of his proposal, barely believing that he was being serious.

"Listen, what you said two nights ago is not something I take lightly, given that you mean so much to us, to me and Benedict and our family. And I can see that you're having a rough go of it. The roughest go of it, actually," he continued.

"And you think marrying me will solve my problems because...?" you cut in, not quite following Anthony's logic.

"Well, I've been trying to explain my thought process for the past five minutes, but you're making it awfully hard, Y/N," he shot back, raising his eyebrows at you, amused. You rolled your eyes good-naturedly in response but sat back so you could let him continue.

"This might make more sense if I explain my side of things a bit more, actually," he decided, mentally rearranging what he was going to say to you. "Alex and Simon already know this, but my intention has never been to marry for love. Above all, I view marriage as a duty to my family. Since my father passed, I have been the one responsible for them, and they are the dearest thing in the world to me, as you well know."

At the mention of Edmund, you reached out and placed a hand on Anthony's, remembering how difficult it was for the family when his father passed. He shot you a grateful smile, covering your hand with his and clearing his throat before he continued speaking.

"I will be perfectly candid with you, Y/N, because you deserve nothing less. I was planning on looking for a wife next season, but even so, I believe that pursuing love is an unpleasant and unimportant endeavor, at least for me."

You gasped, slightly taken aback at his cynical views, though yours weren't much sunnier. "Don't you want to fall in love, Anthony? Don't you think you'll find a partnership like the one your parents had?" you prodded, overwhelmed by a sense of sadness. But you also felt somewhat understood, knowing now that Anthony had an unconventional view of marriage.

He gave you a knowing look, saying only, "Don't you?"

Knowing he had a point, you let up. "Fair enough, I suppose," you answered. Is that how you sounded when you spoke of getting married? You were completely disillusioned with the notion, but you had given it more than a few honest tries, while Anthony was set on never looking for a love match. It was quite ironic, seeing how much your parents loved each other and the love between Daphne and Simon, that you and Anthony had developed such depressing views on marriage. You saw Anthony nod in your direction, seemingly happy with your answer.

After a slight pause, Anthony winced, knowing he was about to share much more than he usually would. However, he knew that this would potentially benefit you both, so he fought through the discomfort. "Seeing my mother fall apart after Father died was awful to watch, and I would never want to cause someone that pain. My goal is not to find passion but to secure my family's future. And I was hoping to find someone who would want this different sort of partnership," he said, looking at you pointedly. You had already started connecting the dots in your head and thought you were catching on to where this was going now.

"So you want to have an unconventional marriage together, then?" you asked, hoping you had understood correctly.

He patted your hand, relieved you finally understood what he intended the proposal to sound like rather than the abrupt and blunt question he had asked earlier. "Yes, precisely. Of course, I want you to take as much time as you need to consider this decision since it is quite important. I doubt we would seek an expedited marriage license, but obviously, we can sort out the minutiae later if you decide to do this. There is no pressure one way or another, I simply wanted to give you an option you had probably not considered before," he said, searching your face for any reaction.

However, you remained guarded, still unsure about your feelings. Saying yes to this proposal would definitively mean saying no to Benedict. But Benedict had not even asked you anything, you argued internally. There was nothing to say no to. In fact, he had been the one to say no to you. But you didn't know if you were ready to give up all hope yet. Perhaps you were a fool, but then again, you always were when it came to your best friend.

If you accepted Anthony's proposal, would the now-permanent ache in your chest worsen at the knowledge that you could never have Benedict? Or would you feel better, getting closure Benedict would never give you?

You felt a surge of anger shoot up your spine. Why couldn't Benedict be the one asking you this? After twenty years, why was he the one who left you alone and confused while Anthony was left to pick up the broken pieces of you Ben left behind so carelessly? Even setting aside the added issue of your unrequited feelings for Benedict, Anthony was being a much better friend than him right now. But your anger dissipated quickly, dissolving into desperate sadness. You missed Ben so much; the short letters he had been sending were unsuccessful in placating the ever-growing need to feel his presence beside you. The overwhelming sense that something about you was missing was almost too much to handle, and you felt yourself going around in circles in your head about what you wanted to do.

You knew it could never be the same with Benedict regardless, so you reasoned that you would at least consider Anthony's proposal. You owed it to yourself to consider someone other than Benedict and something other than perpetual singledom without any children to raise or read to.

Realizing Anthony was patiently waiting for you to say something in response, you spoke up. "In theory, this doesn't sound like a terrible partnership," you started, laughing when Anthony snorted and muttered a short "Why, thank you."

"Shush! I'm trying to consider your proposal, and you're making it quite difficult to spend longer than twenty minutes with you, let alone the rest of my life," you joked, stomach dropping slightly when you mentioned the concept of forever. Pushing through your fear, you kept speaking, "I know you, Anthony Bridgerton. And I know you would not do something like this without a plan. So tell me your plan, and I will consider it and give you my answer once I have one."

Anthony couldn't help but laugh at your scolding tone, "You're not wrong." However, he knew he had to be careful about how he presented his reasoning for this proposal. It was no secret that he thought his brother a complete buffoon for refusing to marry you. Anyone could see that your best friend was madly in love with you, and Anthony was beyond confused as to why Benedict was being obtuse and frankly stupid when you so clearly loved him just as much.

It was hard to miss the alarmingly fond looks the two of you exchanged, not to mention what must be dozens of sketches of you in Benedict's studio, try as he might to make it look like there weren't that many. But what really made it the most obvious was Benedict's manner of speaking about you. It was beautiful to hear when Ben forgot himself and spent nearly an hour discussing a fascinating observation you had made about one of his paintings. Or when he saw Eloise reading a book you had read and launched into a speech about your genius way of interpreting a particular passage. Or even when Anthony inquired about any of the paintings of you in his studio and his brother began a lengthy explanation of how he wanted to paint your eyes in a way that captured your thoughtful yet soft gaze, in Ben's words. Benedict's unwavering and wholehearted admiration of you rivaled that of his parents. It seemed to Anthony that you were the sun, and Benedict was happy to be in your orbit if only to relish in the warmth and comfort you brought him. And the same could be said for you.

So, choosing his words carefully, Anthony avoided saying anything that would upset you, knowing you were still raw from Benedict's sudden departure a few weeks ago. "To start, a legal union between our families would only strengthen our bond, and I know we both would still like to remain close with our families after we are married."

Gauging a positive reaction from your raised eyebrows and slight nod, he continued. "Perhaps the most obvious advantage is that we would have the marriage we both want. I would, of course, encourage you to continue pursuing your studies after we were married, and though I would like to have children, and I know you do as well, I am in no particular rush if you don't feel ready yet," he continued.

To be fair, Anthony made a compelling argument. Although your ideal marriage was still the one you had imagined with Benedict as a child, Anthony was realistically the best option for you, especially with the men of the ton being as dreadful as they were and Ben off in the countryside for who knows how long.

"I don't want to feel suffocated by my husband, Anthony," you warned, earning a laugh from him.

"I know you think I'm insane, but I promise I don't want to be a suffocating husband. We want a lot of the same things, just for different reasons," he responded, ready to answer any and all rebuttals you had. Anthony knew this would be a difficult decision, and he had come prepared with the utmost patience to ensure he got rid of all of your doubts to the best of his abilities. Having watched you grow up and grown up alongside you, he had a deep fondness for you, often feeling as protective over you as he did over Eloise or Daphne. Anthony cared about you and wanted the best for you, no matter what that might entail. And if he could find a wife a season earlier than he had expected while you got what you deserved, that was just an added bonus.

In the back of his mind, Anthony hoped that if you accepted his proposal, Benedict might come to his senses before the engagement progressed too far. But he would be a fool to count on his brother to do so, based on how Ben had acted so far. Anthony knew it would be cruel to tell you this and raise your spirits only to be disappointed again. If it came to it, Anthony would be happy to marry you. It was a very practical union, and Anthony quite liked practical things.

"It makes sense, in a way, I suppose. We do want similar things," you muttered to yourself. "And you'd let me read as much as I wanted?" you asked, needing reassurance.

"I promise," answered Anthony, smiling sweetly at you. "Besides, we are already very acquainted with one another, having grown up together, and I'm sure it'd be good fun to be married. Well, at least I think so. And you know me well enough to be able to make that decision for yourself."

You nodded thoughtfully, mulling over all of the possible caveats you could think of to bring up to Anthony. If you were going to go through with this, you needed to be absolutely sure that it was what you wanted. Although it was getting difficult to find negatives about this possible union. It seemed that you would have much more agency with Anthony than if you were married to anyone else, bar Benedict, or as a spinster.

"What about Alex?" you settled on asking. "Have you talked about this with him?"

Both of you subconsciously turned to look at your older brother and then at each other. Anthony gave a slight shake of his head. "No, not yet. But I have a feeling he'll understand and even be supportive. Especially after the other night. And especially now that Benedict left."

You furrowed your brow, confused. What did Anthony mean, especially now that Benedict left? You were about to ask for clarification when Anthony cut in.

"Anyway, don't worry about Alex. I will talk to him and your father, and I know they will be on board with whatever you choose. So all you have to do is decide if this is something you want to do or not," he said quickly, trying to make up for the fact that he had revealed too much before. Anthony knew Alex had similar feelings to Anthony, perhaps even more pent-up anger at Benedict than he did since Benedict was hurting Alex's little sister. But he hadn't meant to tell you so directly. Anthony mentally kicked himself for rubbing salt on your metaphorical wound. Although it seemed that you had let go of his comment, for now, he noted as he watched you rubbing your temples, deep in thought.

You sighed deeply, coming to the realization that this could be it. This decision could change your life forever, and perhaps Benedict's life, depending on how he handled the news. If you accepted the proposal, of course. You couldn't help but feel a slight twinge of guilt, knowing that you could never feel for Anthony the same way you felt about Benedict.

"And you'd be alright with me not being in love with you? I don't think I can do that again. After Benedict," you said softly, still wanting to avoid thinking about losing him as much as possible.

"Yes, I would prefer it, actually," said Anthony, smiling at you. But his playful demeanor was wrapped in a careful tenderness. He understood you better than most people, having learned to see you, above all, through Benedict's eyes. He knew you were terrified. Of being married and not being married, of losing yourself and of staying exactly the same as you were now.

He was terrified, too, to be honest. He knew Benedict would be impossibly angry with him, even though he really had no reason to be, and feared their relationship could be fractured. Not to mention that Anthony had been dreading marriage ever since that fateful day his father fell ill from a bee sting, leaving his mother alone in the empty shell of their loving partnership. He supposed the two of you did sort of make sense in a peculiar way.

"Alright, go away, please," you shooed Anthony away. "I have to actually think about it now. But no matter what happens, I want you to know I'm grateful for your offer. I know it's coming from a very generous place, and it really does mean the world," you added, squeezing his hand as he stood up.

"Of course, Y/N. I'm not Benedict, but you're very important to me nonetheless. Take as much time as you need," he responded, returning your squeeze and making his way over to Colin and Theo, giving you space to mull over your decision.

That was precisely the situation, you thought. Anthony wasn't Benedict. And you had to decide whether or not that was good enough for you. It was a very compelling offer, and you knew it might be your only chance to have anything close to the sort of life you had hoped to have before Henri and the rest of the men of the ton so pointedly crushed your dreams. Benedict was the only reason not to marry Anthony, and he had been quite clear in saying that he wouldn't marry you. But you wanted to enjoy a few more days of imagining that Ben could be yours in some capacity before you had to move on from him forever.

---

Shoving a pile of unsent letters aside, Benedict set a fresh sheet of paper down and started yet another letter he was unlikely to send to you. Now that he had ceased going to parties and bringing home a different woman every night, he found himself with ample bouts of time that he dedicated almost exclusively to thinking about you.

With each new letter you sent, Benedict found himself lost in your words, re-reading them constantly and clinging to any fragment of you that he could still claim as his. In response, he wrote pages and pages of prose he would never send. These ranged from letters he could plausibly send to you, responding to every comment you had made about the book you had read that day. Others were less tame. Sometimes, he found himself unable to keep his overflowing feelings inside of him any longer, choosing instead to write heart-wrenching confessions of a love so deep and all-consuming that it permeated every fiber of his being. But Anthony's words reverberated in his head, warning him not to lead you on, every time he contemplated addressing these letters.

But Benedict loved you. The real, soul-crushing sort of love that only came once in a lifetime. The kind of love that grew from years of being by your side, knowing every detail of you, and still wanting to know more. He was far past the point of denying it and had now stumbled on an agonizing feeling of wanting. He wanted you by his side while he painted, quietly discussing the colors or the shading he was working on. He wanted to put his head in your lap as you sat in the garden, feeling your fingers running softly through his hair. He wanted to look over at night and find your sleeping form beside him, less than an arm's length away as he fell asleep holding you. Most of all, he wanted to be content in the knowledge that he could hold your hand, breathe in your scent, and twist your hair in his fingers as he kissed you every single day for the rest of his life.

The moment in your garden by the rose bushes from the day before he left, where he came so close to kissing you, haunted his every waking moment. He couldn't seem to forget the way your lips parted, moving ever so slightly closer to his. The feeling of your soft breath against his skin, luring him in. He had been so close to just giving in and touching your expectant lips with his. It was all he had dreamed about doing ever since he had come back from Oxford and felt you in his arms, realizing that he never wanted to spend another day apart from you. He still wondered what would have happened if he had just done it. If he had just leaned over a few inches to join your lips and brushed his thumb on your cheek as he grabbed your waist. But he hadn't. Instead he had fled to the countryside, where he was missing you more than ever and ridden with jealousy at the thought of you with another man.

Benedict didn't know if the ache of longing would ever fade. All he knew was that you were a permanent mark left on him he would never be able to wash off even if he wanted to. A part of him would always be you. The proof of that was on his desk cluttered with letters that would never find their way to you and in his studio housing nearly a dozen unfinished portraits of you.

Clutching to a sliver of hope, he held onto the fact that no news of your engagement had reached him. Yet, each day brought with it a tormenting dread as he approached his unopened letters, torn between the desperate hope for a letter from you and the paralyzing fear that he would receive an invitation to your wedding. But for now, he could still pretend you were his, at least partially.

—

previous part || next part || buy me a ko-fi!

Tag List (lmk if you want to be added!): @bellahadidnt16 @like-gabriel-and-castiel @riverraingrayworld @5sos-calm @elissanatok @titanicnerd-blog @noonenuts @moonwayne @lilasblogg @mmontgomeryb @fulltacoparadise @joyfullymulti @sopanngon @fanfiction-she-wrote @aureolinb @ambitionspassionscoffee @bbubbllejisoo @marvelspogue @avengersgirllorianna

302 notes · View notes

vividachromatic · 2 months

Text

Meant To Stay The Worst - Pt. 4

Desc: Alastor meets Reader's father for the first time and asks him for her hand in marriage

Alastor x reader

Tags: ongoing, marriage, confessions / proposals, manipulation and toxic relationships, canon typical violence and language

(<- Pt. 3 -- Pt. 5 -> )

---------------

So, today Alastor would meet your father...

You'd like to tell yourself you didn't care about your father's approval at all, but that wouldn't be true.

Of course, you'd still be together with whoever you wanted to be regardless of his opinion; but you still hoped your father would finally accept any of the decisions you made.

You already told your father that you were dating someone and you wanted the two of them to meet.

You thought he'd be extremely happy about the fact that this may finally be a chance to get you out of the house, but for some reason, he didn't really seem that happy about it.

When Alastor and you arrived at your father's property he was surprised to see several employees bowing to the two of you and politely greeting you.

"Miss Y/N, I am glad to see that you are back. The lord is already awaiting you..." one of the workers of the place gave you a quick bow and handed you a key. Despite her words, she didn't even look at the two of you, not seeming to actually care if you were there or not.

You just nodded wordlessly and used the key to let yourself in. Alastor was confused by the way your... 'home' seemed to work. It was cold. It seemed more like a workplace or a company.

When the two of you entered the house you gave him a shy smile and spread your arms wide to sarcastically present him the extravagant hallway. "We're here. Yay..."

"Oh Y/N, you're finally back! Oh? So that's the guy you're fucking, huh? Interesting..." a man only a few years older than you chuckled - looking eerily similar to you, while walking down the stairs.

Alastor narrowed his eyes at him when the man - your brother... - stepped way too close to him.

"So that's what you're into. You should've told me earlier and I could have arranged something!" Your brother Ashton laughed, "Though I always thought you were more on the other side of the spectrum, if you know what I mean..."

You narrowed your eyes at him. "Is that what you want to talk about? Really? Because I can-" You started but got interrupted when Ashton pressed a hand on your mouth. "Shut up sweetheart, okay? Shut up."

You slapped his hand away from your face with a glare. He just rolled his eyes and turned around to go to his room again.

There was a lot of drama going on in your family in the last couple of weeks... The fiance of your lovely cousin Maria cheated on her. With a man... Your brother.

The engagement was called off immediately, though barely anyone knew the exact reason why. Maria was probably too embarrassed to admit the actual reason. Same-sex relationships were way too controversial in your time.

You obviously always knew that your brother and Alan - one of your oldest acquaintances (and Maria's fiance) were gay.

You didn't really care for all the drama or your brother's and your cousin's love life. Though him sticking his nose into yours was kind of bold considering his situation.

Alastor raised an eyebrow at your little dispute, but you just quietly shook your head, signaling him to not worry about it.

Then, finally, the two of you entered the dining hall.

It was way bigger and more pretentious than Alastor thought was necessary. Though he could respect a man who had his priorities straight. Speaking of who...

When your father entered the room, Alastor noticed you immediately straightening your posture.

The man had a cold look on his face as he looked Alastor up and down.

But Alastor didn't seem fazed at all. He stepped closer to the man and held out his hand to him.

"Mister L/N, it is an honor to be meeting you. My name is Alastor." The two men shook hands, which was followed by an awkward moment of silence with your father scrutinizing Alastor and him fixing his suit.

You had to admit Alastor had to either be an extremely good actor or he just really didn't give too many fucks about your father's opinion. Either way his ability to not be intimidated by him was quite impressive.

Your father invited the two of you to sit down, explaining the cooks will have the food ready soon.

And when the food finally arrived - after another extremely long and awkward silence - Alastor seemed delighted. It did seem to be quite an expensive meal, at least. However, the seasonings were a little lackluster compared to what he was used to.

"So, Alastor. What is it you do for a living?" Your father asked.

And so, a moment of your father asking Alastor questions and him answering with a grin started. It was kinda odd watching the two of them - both seemed extremely calculated and like there was always some underlying message in their words. All in all, it was just a lot of passive-aggressiveness.

When you were at the point where you were pretty sure they actually hated each other you excused yourself to the bathroom. Though you hated to leave the two of them alone with each other, you just couldn't take it anymore.

When you returned to them, the only wish you had was that no one died, but what actually happened was even more surprising.

Your father smiled.

He. fucking. smiled. At Alastor.

And he patted him on the shoulder like a proud father would to his son.

Beyond shocked, you tried to look at the clock on the wall or pinch yourself or look for any other clues that you may just be in some kind of fucked-up lucid dream.

But you didn't find any. Then your father looked at you and nodded in approval.

As you were currently trying not to die of a heart attack from complete shock - Alastor stepped at your side and pulled you towards him by the waist. "I'm going to return home again now, but I will call you by the end of the day if that is alright with you?" He asked.

"I... uh, sure." You answered and after giving you a quick kiss on the cheek Alastor left, the staff leading him outside.

Now you were alone in the room with your father.

God... this was embarrassing. You were about to leave and go to your room when your father spoke. "You like this man, don't you?"

You froze.

"I- uh guess... No, I... I do." You answered, your face turning even more red than before.

Your father nodded. "Good for you. Stick with a person you really like, alright?"

You were confused by his sudden honest advice but nodded.

When you returned to your room that night you continued wondering about what the hell Alastor and your father were talking about, while you were gone until you fell asleep.

--------------

"It's unlike you to not bring a radio." You grinned at Alastor. Both of you were sitting on a picnic blanket together. Just like on your first date.

But this time he hadn't prepared the food on his own, but both of you had, together.

Alastor gave you a small smile after your statement, but it was more hesitant than usual. "Do you know why?" He asked you.

You blinked at him perplexed. "Uh... no?"

He smiled, "Being a radio host is something I love doing. And it's also a mask I can hide behind. You could say it's something like my persona... But I don't feel like I have to act like my persona in front of you."

Touched by his words you took his hand in yours and looked into his eyes. He looked back into yours and smiled. You knew Alastor pretty well at this point, so you knew by now that most of his smiles were fake. It was a mask he wore to always appear in control of a situation.

But in his eyes, you could see that he actually meant to smile at you at this moment.

"I'm not sure I can ever completely disable it. But I want to try. For you." He added, genuinely.

Alastor was a prideful man, but he not only admitted his weakness in front of you, but he also promised to try to do better for you. You weren't sure if anyone else would get it like the two did, but you knew this meant really much to him right now. And you were grateful.

He now took both of your hands in his. "I'm going to be honest with you now... because I know I can be with you. I always thought love was stupid. But I don't think that anymore; ever since I met you. And even if it was, I'd think it's okay as long as I can be with you. Meeting you was the was best thing that happened in my entire life. And you accepting to be with me was more than I could ever ask for. Especially when you continued to stay with me through... things no one would have. I love you, Y/N. And I am sure of that now."

You felt a lump inside your throat at his extremely sweet and honest words. Trying to blink away tears, you cleared your throat to respond but Alastor stopped you with a finger on your mouth.

Then he pulled something out of his pocket and kneeled in front of you.

Your eyes widened in shock.

"Y/N.... I love you. And I would like to spend my entire life with you. And I promise that I would tear apart heaven and hell for you, if you only asked me to. Please stay with me and be my partner forever and I will be yours. Y/N L/N... Will you marry me?"

...

You covered your mouth with your hand in disbelief and tears started actually welling up your eyes now.

You never actually thought you'd react so stereotypically. But that was probably because you never thought you'd actually love someone that much. So much, that you wanted to bind yourself to them by law. And form a family with them.

But you did. Being expected to stay with him forever and have a family is something that you want now. With him.

"I... I-" Your voice broke and you started crying. Alastor gave you a gentle smile and held your face in his hand. "Darling?"

"I- I do..." you whispered, with tears streaming down your face now. Alastor smiled softly, wiping them away with his thumb and kissing you on your cheek, then your nose, and then your mouth. Then he pulled away with a soft smile again.

"I love you..." He whispered, sliding the engagement ring on your finger.

You smiled at each other, then you kissed again.

In this moment you thought that every struggle in your life had been worth it, just so you could live until this moment.

The two of you stayed like this together for a while.

In a park, underneath a big tree with pink flowers. You leaned your head against Alastor's shoulder - imagining to be together with him for the rest of your life now. Just like he asked you to.

After a while, the two of you had to get up though. After packing together all of your things Alastor smiled at you with pure love in his eyes, taking your hand and planting a kiss on the back of it.

He was so gentle with you, always.

Then the two of you walked back, him planning to bring you to your house.

But on your way, you were interrupted... by someone you knew all too well.

A tall, blonde boy recognized you and walked towards Alastor and you with confidence.

"Actually, let's go that way." You said, dragging Alastor in the opposite direction, the one you were just coming from.

But it was no use.

"Y/N!!" You heard the voice of the very person you were trying to hide from right behind you.

Annoyed you sighed and turned towards him. "Heyy... Alan..! What are you doing here?" He would never be downtown by his own choice.

"What do you mean? Even I sometimes mingle around... peasants." He said while looking around the place with a raised eyebrow.

Yeah, you highly doubted that. But why would he be here then?

He cleared his throat. "My fair maiden, Y/N. Let us unite in the bond of marriage-"

"Woah, okay....!" You interrupted him and stared at him dumbfounded. "...Are you fucking kidding me?"

You certainly never expected to be proposed to twice. On a single day.

Alan tried to stay composed and just answered: "Please, watch your language fair maiden-"

"What the hell? What are you trying to do..?!" You asked irritated. But when you thought about it some more you realized it.

He blew his chance to marry your cousin Maria - and his parents pressured him to marry into your family in at least some way.

Although he had an affair with your brother, their relationship wasn't socially accepted, so officially marrying you would be the smartest move on his part.

And since you were chronically single, he probably thought this wouldn't be a problem.

But you just had to suddenly be in a relationship, when it was important to him for you not to be. You never had been in a relationship before... so why now??

That's what he thought at least. You on the other hand were just embarrassed by his proposal.

Obviously, both of you weren't actually interested in the other, but even besides that: you two knew each other since you were children. And you were a year older than he was and still remembered when he was just a spoiled little brat - which he still is - but even besides that, he was just a kid to you. Or like... an annoying younger sibling you want to cut contact with.

You felt Alastor tense next to you, the grip on your hand tightening.

God...

Alastor has always been the possessive type, so this definitely won't go well, if this conversation continues.

Alan noticed Alastor's angry glare and gave him a cocky grin. "My apologies, didn't see you there. Who is this? Are you Y/N's friend?"

Great. Now it definitely felt like the aura around Alastor was darkening.

"Alan... please stop your antics. Even if I wasn't engaged now," you showed him your ring to further demonstrate your point, "I would rather die."

Alan furrowed his eyebrows, trying not to look irritated at your statement.

"Always the feisty one. We always did have so much in common-"

"Come on, we both know the only thing you like about me is my brother."

Now his grin finally faded and he glared at you.

So that finally hit a nerve...

"Okay, you listen now Missy: I wanted to make this easy for all of us, but if you want to play dirty - I can play dirty." Now he directed his gaze at Alastor, "You are just some no-name and you do not belong in this family."

You expected Alastor to get even angrier, but to your surprise, he just seemed amused by the boy's speech. "Actually, I am a famous radio host!" Alastor retorted.

"Really? So, why have I never heard of you then?" Alan asked while crossing his arms.

"Obviously, because you're uncultured." Alastor grinned.

"Oh, you're calling me uncultured?! You little-" Alan gritted his teeth but held back from actually insulting Alastor, who just raised his brow at him. "Listen, I mean this in the kindest way possible: back off or you'll regret it."

At that Alastor just straight up laughed in his face. "You're going to make me regret it? How so?" He hummed.

"Glad you asked." Alan pulled out some neatly folded papers from his pocket. After he carefully unfolded them he read: "The evil serial killer of Louisiana. Probably a man in his 20s to 30s, is suspected to also have killed the previously most popular radio-star of the area. Strangely, this gave rise to Alastor - the now most popular radio-star of the same area, who has publicly declared his dislike for the man even before his death. Maybe we should look into this a little more, hm? Especially since I've noticed that the free time of this certain new radio-star perfectly fits with the times the killer's victims had been killed."

You blinked in surprise, while Alastor's expression didn't change.

"This is no proof. Also, it's impossible, Alastor and I have been together in his free time." You immediately defended him.

"All of his free time?" Alan raised a brow and smirked.

"Yeah..." you lied.

Alan just rolled his eyes, "Look, I really don't care. And I bet the police won't care too much about concrete evidence either with people like him."

God, he was gonna pay for that comment...

You released Alastor's hand and clenched your fists in anger. But before you could step any closer to the man Alastor stopped you with a smile - his eyes radiating malice.

"Let me handle this, darling."

Oh shit.

Alastor stepped close to Alan, who just rolled his eyes and chuckled. "What are you going to do? Hit me?"

Alastor didn't respond and you saw him ball his right hand into a fist. Alan saw that and tried backing off, but was interrupted by Alastor's fist colliding with his jaw at full force.

He immediately fell to the ground with a loud thud. People started gathering around you now to see what was happening.

Alan let out pained moans and covered his face with his hands, you saw droplets of blood falling to the ground from Alan's face.

Shit, this must have hurt really really bad. Alastor is physically a lot stronger than he looks, because of his hobby as a... hunter.

Even you felt a little sorry for the boy now.

Alastor didn't though and just wiped his hand on his coat.

"Fuck, you... you broke my nose!" Alan shouted angrily looking up at him while holding his nose.

Alastor just smiled and calmly leaned down to cower over him. Alan immediately shut up and his eyes widened. "Let this be a warning, boy. But if you bother us again, I will make you wish you were never even born in the same universe as me. Do you understand that?" Alastor whispered calmly.

Alan looked like he was about to actually shit his pants - too scared to even nod. Alastor then grabbed the papers from his hands and tore them in half in front of his eyes. "And you better not tell a single soul about your little discoveries."

Then he got up and cleared his throat, returning to your side with a smile and taking your hand in his.

Everyone around you was silent, besides a few people whispering.

"Anyway... How about we eat Jambalaya this evening? We can cook it together, I heard my mother and you spent some time together to learn her recipe."

-----------

Taglist ♡

@cryptidghostgirl @adeadreader @yourdoorisunlocked @spirit-of-the-hollow

A/N:

I actually didn't expect to write that much for the living world, but yeah. I'm like rewatching Hazbin Hotel for the 8929383 time and FINALLY want to write reader's relationship with Charlie, Angel, Demon Alastor, etc.

Btw, Maria and Ashton and Alan... our little oc side characters will maybe even be there in hell! Yay..?

Also, I'm sure this goes without saying, but if you want to imagine some things differently you always can. This is obviously just my own self-indulgent story, even when I try to water things down to make this as reader-neutral as possible.

You can always give me suggestions as long as the story is going on! Right now I'm thinking about whether or not to give Alastor and reader a child before they die. They have a relatively traditional relationship during that time and Alastor is 23 rn and dies with 30+ so the possibility would be pretty high. Tell me your opinions, please, if you have time.

Thank you guys for reading! I'm greatful for all of your support, I mean it(: Thank you for leaving likes and comments. It keeps me motivated.

#alastor hazbin x reader #x reader #fanfic #alastor x reader #hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel x reader #hazbin alastor #alastor

116 notes · View notes

turvi · 1 year

Text

The Forbidden Fruit

A/N: This is set in Marauder's era just for controversy. This is my first time writing for Tom Riddle so do tell me if you want me to write more.

She cursed her heart. There were so many other boys she could have a crush on. There was the sweet but shy Remus Lupin who was titled the boyfriend material by everyone. There was his best friend Sirius Black who is quite a charmer and known playboy with a soft heart. The list goes on. Hell, she even considered getting back with her ex-boyfriend Henry and that is saying a lot considering the messy breakup they had.

But Y/n was willing to do anything to keep her attention away from the infamous Slytherin Prefect Tom Riddle. She didn't mean to pay attention to him. It is something that just happened but she hoped he didn't notice and whatever she was feeling would pass away.

But he noticed. Oh, he noticed, how she looked at him and he enjoyed it. He knew how everyone looked at him, but the eyes that he enjoyed the most on him were Y/n's. They felt more innocent and pure than others and he loved ruining pure things. And now whenever she tried to steal a glance at him she saw him staring back at her with a growing smirk.

He enjoyed how despite whoever she was talking to whenever he would walk by he could feel her eyes on him. He knew she was in denial.

Y/n was currently talking to Remus. He is handsome and intelligent and everything good but as soon as Tom Riddle walks by she senses a fiery passion within her and the way he looked at her didn't help it.

She felt a strange magnetic attraction to him. She knew it was wrong. He is the Heir of Slytherin, a dark wizard. She shouldn't think about how his touch would feel against her skin as she talks to another boy.

The snake that Tom Riddle is and he was tempting her to bite into the forbidden fruit once. He was looking for an opportunity and it seemed like fate was in his favor too as he was presented with a perfect one.

It was almost curfew and Y/n was rushing to her dorm. She didn't realize how quickly time passed as she was in the library reading her book.

The corridor was as expected dimly lit and empty. On most late nights she would spot a few students she now recognized as she would often bump into them and have a little chat before leaving for her dorm. But tonight it felt like she was the only one who was out of her dorm, and even if she was alone why did she feel like someone was watching her.

Her breath quickened and her heart pounded against her chest as she quickened her step looking over her shoulder every now and then making sure nothing followed her. Her palm grew sweaty she felt as if the walls were closing in even if she was in the corridor where she could see the moon overlooking her.

She felt as if the breeze grew colder she started wondering did it really take this long to get to her dorm? Sure her mind is just playing tricks on her but she couldn't help but feel like something was hiding in the walls of the corridor waiting to attack her.

Her steps quickened when suddenly she heard a hiss behind her. She immediately turned around to see the same empty dimly lit corridor she just passed. She turned around quickly but she bumped into someone.

Tom Riddle was looking at her in amusement like a predator who caught its prey. He smirked "Miss L/n don't you know it's bad manners to stay out after curfew?"

She didn't dare look into his eyes, scared of what she might find. "I...I am...so sorry Mr. Riddle. I am walking back to my dorm right now." She was confused was it really past curfew? It did seem like she has been walking forever when it shouldn't take her this long to get to her dorm. It seemed that even the corridors of Hogwarts were in favor of the dark wizard as if presenting her to him as an offering.

"Let me walk you to your dorm Miss L/n. And please call me Tom" his voice felt like honey. His fingers twitched to just touch her once. For once he had a hard time keeping control and he didn't hate this feeling. No. Watching her squirm under his gaze made him love the feeling.

"Uh...no I'll be fine it's not that far now" in pure honesty she had no idea how far her dorm is now. It seemed like she had been walking for hours only to be where she started. She began to walk away when he grabbed her wrist. She could feel his cold glare on her.

"Please. I insist". his grip tightened on her wrist. He grinned as he felt her pulse quicken. He was going to have so much fun with her, he thought.

She nodded still not meeting his eyes. He walked towards her and grabbed her jaw making her look into his eyes. Her eyes told him a different story. He could see everything, he caressed her cheek.

It felt like she could hear him even if he wasn't even speaking to her.

Mine. Mine. Mine

"Is something the matter Miss L/n". He had the audacity to grin as he asked her. He could see in her eyes as she slowly let her guard down. He got even closer to her. She took two steps back as he took one step towards her until she yelped as she her back hit the wall. He put his arms against the wall trapping her between the wall and him.

He nuzzled her pulse point on her neck. He could feel her blood pump "It's ok Y/n, you can let go." He opened the first two buttons of her shirt and tugged her collar down exposing her shoulder.

She gasped as he started giving open-mouthed kisses on her shoulder and neck, grabbing her by her waist, and getting as close as humanly possible to her, pressing his body against her. "I got you, it's ok to let go." She shivered as he caressed her waist. "Say my name. Let me be yours"

"Tom".

He groaned as his name fell from her lips. She has indulged. She has bitten the forbidden fruit the snake had asked her to bite. He held her neck and whispered in her ear. "Y/n. You love me don't you?"

"I...I do" she didn't even think twice.

He chuckled and tilted her head as he kissed her. She could feel his breath and lips, she couldn't believe this was happening. He bit her lip earning a gasp from her.

"Oh I am going to have so much fun with you Y/n" He wrapped his arms around her pulling her into an embrace and she held onto him.

The next morning she woke up it all felt like a fever dream. Was it really a fever dream if she could still feel his touch, his breath on her skin, his kiss.

She got up from her bed and went to the washroom. She gasped as she looked up in the mirror and saw purple bite marks on her neck and shoulder. She panicked. She tried to put cold water on it. She ran back to her room, and she tried to make it go away.

Tears threatened to fall from her eyes. She cursed herself. How could she do this? She rubbed all the creams and lotions she had on her neck and shoulders trying to forget what took place the other night. Trying to forget how easily she gave in to Tom Riddle. Trying to ignore how bad she wanted to be with him.

When suddenly she heard a burst of laughter coming from her bed. She turned around to see Tom on her bed laying so casually as if he has been there several times.

"How did you get in?"

He got up and walked towards her "if I can arrange the corridors to meet you darling then a silly locked door cannot keep me apart from you". She yelped as he pulled her against his chest "and neither can you. So just stop fighting and join me. Be my queen. Can't you see? You were meant for me. I was meant for you"

Madness. That is what she saw in his eyes. Purity. That is what he saw in her eyes. Yes, they were meant for each other and Y/n has to soon accept that fact. For she will soon rule the wizarding world with him. For him, she was perfect for the role and she will see it. For her, this was her fate now.

A/N: REBLOGS AND FEEDBACKS IF YOU WANT MORE TOM RIDDLE CONTENT

#tom riddle #tom marvolo riddle #tom riddle x reader #voldemort #lord voldemort #tom riddle x you #tom riddle x y/n #tom riddle imagine #voldemort x reader #lord voldemort x reader #harry potter #tom riddle x hufflepuff #hogwarts #hp fandom #dark tom riddle #dark tom riddle x reader

612 notes · View notes

acourtofthought · 4 months

Note

hi I am a new ACOTAR reader 👋🏼 and I was so shocked to enter this fandom and see all the ship wars going on. I guess I’m more of a casual reader? But I thought SJM was going for elucien which listen - adorable - but then she spend the books after they were declared mates just dissing that entire plot line? Like ok I get it they don’t HAVE to be head over heels like feysand and nessian yet, but since ACOWAR there’s barely any elucien interactions and they’re all described as uncomfortable and idk why she would have them be mates and then turn around and just wreck that setup? Lucien barely is in the books anymore?

And then Sarah started writing these “looks” and shy smiles between elain and azriel and I was like ok I get it too I guess, if Lucien is like not even present in the books anymore? I feel like she straight up changed her mind or something because why did she do all that setup and now is introducing a new love interest? Being mates MEANS something right? Idk it seems like she’s abandoning elucien to me which is sad bc they could’ve been so good together 😭 like bat boy is great don’t get me wrong but we don’t know shit about him other than he is vaguely menacing and has shadows

He’s not shown interest in anyone except Mor or Elain so idk what his plotline will be (if he gets a book even). And yes, I did read this controversial bonus chapter and I genuinely saw it as a nail in this elucien coffin instead of gwynriel as people are saying. Like why would Elain kiss HIM when she has a mate? Lucien is RIGHT THERE ?? It just seems so convoluted for no reason. Like is this a love triangle setup? Idk 🤷🏻‍♀️ it would be easy if Gwyn and azriel were mates so elucien could nicely work out but I barely remember anything about Gwyn and Az interactions let alone anything to suggest romantic themes. So I don’t get that ship at ALL. Like azriel could be shipped with anyone at this point if Gwyn is being considered an option.

Idk I assume there’s hella analysis on this but I just don’t know why SJM would make elucien mates and then throw this random emo bat boy plotline in the mix. I’ve kind of abandoned that hope after ACOSF unless there’s something I’m missing that brings Lucien back in the game? (Genuinely where even is heeee like sir get your girl - respectfully)

Welcome to the fandom! And I'm sorry ahead of time, it's simultaneously fun, exhausting, and infuriating, haha.

I do understand why it feels like she set Elucien up with a bang and just let it fizzle but if you consider why she might have done that, I think it makes sense.

Are you in love? Have you been in love?

Imagine if you are a month away from your wedding. It's your first love, your first experience with intimacy, and the person you have imagined the rest of your life with. Maybe children, a home.

And overnight that dream is ripped away from you.

Not only is it ripped away from you but you're suddenly feeling a connection (because I fully believe Elain knew Lucien was something to her before he ever whispered that they were mates) to a random stranger who you have never seen before.

Your heart was promised to another but now you're chanting "traitor, traitor, traitor" over and over in your head because you're looking at this stranger and feeling big things for him.

But you're whisked away and the connection is broken and you're taken to a strange land where you're forced to think of everything that you've now left behind in the human lands. Where your fiance is probably wondering what happened to you, where you're no longer able to spend time in your gardens, see the people in the household you've grown to care for, knowing your father will be wondering what happened to you when he returns.

But through that depression you feel the tiniest bit of hope that you can go back. That your fiance will love you despite this new thing you've become and were taught to fear. That maybe, the life you loved can still be yours again.

But the stranger comes back into your life with it a torrent of emotions that you're struggling to understand and to control and it's all too much, it's too overwhelming so you shut down. You're not ready to face what it means when you're desperately trying to hold on to what was lost because if you can get that back, maybe things will make sense again.

But your fiance cruelly rejects you. The one who swore he'd love you until you were old and gray and he tossed you aside as if none of it mattered. As if you didn't matter. And he mentions the stranger to you as if it's a dirty word and maybe some of this is his fault. It's not, you know it's not but it's easier to blame someone.

But then you all nearly lose someone you care for during the war and suddenly, maybe that misplaced anger is easier to let go of.

But the war ends and you slowly settle into a new life, trying to forget about what you lost. Your fiance. Your home. Your friends. And even your father. So you put up a wall and you refuse to engage with your "mate" because some of that anger is back. You didn't ask for any of this. You don't want to be dealing with emotions you can't control when he's around when you're already dealing with so much. He makes it impossible to think straight. He makes everything confusing. But when you ignore him, it's easier to pretend. Everything is easier because you don't feel and when you feel right now, it hurts and it's too much and it's overwhelming.

But you can pretend around your sisters because they don't push you to deal with those emotions. You can pretend around Az because he keeps it light and you have no pull to him. He's handsome of course. But the conversations are surface level and you don't have to think about the things that plague you when it's late at night and you're alone. But you are lonely and comfort from another would be nice, wouldn't it? So you engage in a flirtation with Az. You avoid your mate when he's around because feeling too much is not something you can handle in the same year of your fiance's rejection and your fathers death and your lost humanity. You want to escape and you can do this in this school girls crush with him.

You alternate between dying inside while trying to make the best of your new situation and moments where you can fool yourself into thinking that infatuation is just the thing to help you get by but deep down you know you're avoiding everything. You hate yourself for ignoring your mate, knowing how patient he is, how kind but knowing that you're afraid. Afraid to love someone else. Afraid to lose someone else. So you'll keep taking the path of safety. Living in the NC, making Feyre's found family your new family. Liking the available brothers. It's all perfect and easy and safe.

Until the rejection on Solstice and your illusion comes crashing down. It doesn't matter what you do, you can't hide from reality for long and the time is coming for you to face everything you've been avoiding.

So yes.......Elain and Lucien on the surface appear to be lukewarm as of late.

But I think that when we finally get an Elain POV, we're going to see how intense and deep those still waters go. I think that's why SJM has hidden her POV because I think Elain's true feelings are going to bowl us over.

And I wouldn't say Lucien is not in the books anymore. He was heavily featured all the way up into the novella. SF of course was Nessian's story and since the POV shifted from Feyre to Nesta, it's understandable why Lucien was somewhat absent as he reports to Rhys (not Nesta) and lives in the Human Lands. SJM actually went out of her way to include Lucien on a few occasions in a story where his presence would have been odd when you consider his relationship to Nesta (non existent). I think people also fail to remember that everytime Eris and Helion were on page, that's information that can be applied to Lucien's future story too.

#elucien #pro elucien #elain archeron #lucien vanserra #anti e/riel #pro lucien vanserra #pro elain archeron

38 notes · View notes

nyxshadowhawk · 1 year

Text

Art and Hedonism

Dorian Gray Weekly is over, so it’s finally time for me to post my analysis of my favorite gothic novel!

On the surface, The Picture of Dorian Gray seems to be a tragedy about what happens when you give yourself over to self-indulgence and sin. Dorian has been granted eternal youth so as to live out all his passions, and he spends his life becoming progressively more depraved until his conscience weighs upon him to the point of madness, and he destroys his own horcrux. Hedonism is bad, right? But it’s a little counter-intuitive for such a moral to come from Oscar Wilde. Why would Oscar Wilde, of all people, write a story that seems to condemn hedonism? Well… I don’t think he does. The book just doesn’t read that way. It’s a luxuriously self-indulgent, sensual book! I wouldn’t like it so much if it boiled down to “hedonism is bad.”

I think that this book is a metatextual critique of Wilde’s own philosophy. The Picture of Dorian Gray is not really about beauty, or pleasure, or sin. It is about art. It is about the nature of art and it’s relationship to the artist, and to the audience. It is a cautionary tale not about the dangers of hedonism, but the dangers of taking art too seriously. At least, that seems to be what it is according to its author. I’m not saying that I know definitively what the author’s intentions were, or that authors’ interpretations of their work are the only true and correct ones. Ultimately, an author’s interpretation of his or her own work is just one interpretation among many, and any true piece of art can be interpreted many different ways. But, looking at Dorian Gray through the lens of its own author might be the best way to answer this question. So, I am going to analyze that. For fun!

At first glance, Wilde’s preface doesn’t seem to have anything to do with the story. It’s a really short philosophical argument. Actually, it reads more like a pretentious internet comment, by making a bunch of beautifully-worded controversial claims and then sitting back and waiting for you to respond to them, almost as if it’s daring you to argue.

The artist is the creator of beautiful things. To reveal art and conceal the artist is art’s aim. The critic is he who can translate into another manner or a new material his impression of beautiful things.

[…]

It is the spectator, and not life, that art really mirrors. Diversity of opinion about a work of art shows that the work is new, complex, and vital. When critics disagree, the artist is in accord with himself. We can forgive a man for making a useful thing as long as he does not admire it. The only excuse for making a useless thing is that one admires it intensely. All art is quite useless.

There’s a lot more philosophical rambling that I cut out, but the short of it is this — art exists for its own sake. It exists to be admired, to be enjoyed. It exists to be beautiful, and that’s it. Anything that anyone else gets from it is simply what they get from it, and it says more about them than it does about the art. Creating art for any other primary purpose misses the point, if it isn’t outright dangerous.

Now, generally in literary analysis it’s a faux pas to psychoanalyze the author based on their work (which Wilde would probably agree with, since he writes that art should “conceal the artist”). There’s a lot of weird philosophy in this book, mostly put forth by the character of Lord Henry Wotton. Although Wilde identifies Lord Henry as something of a caricature of himself, we cannot say whether anything Lord Henry says is what Wilde really thinks. But this? The preface is written without the voice of a character or the context of a story. This is the author speaking as himself, in his own words, and therefore we can conclude that this is what he really thinks. That means that the only thing we can really say about Wilde and his philosophy based on this book alone comes from this preface.

Why is this preface even here? Why is it attached to this book? It might just be a futile attempt to cover his own ass, since he says things like “There is no such thing as a moral or immoral book” and “Vice and virtue are to the artist materials for an art.” That’s basically facing down the inevitable controversy that this book generated and saying, “don’t look at me, it’s just a story. It’s your fault for taking it seriously.” But, we could also use it as a framework within which to interpret the following story. Or, actually, wait, we’re not supposed to interpret it because it exists for its own sake, right? But why else would the this be the preface to Dorian Gray, if the story wasn’t meant to prove the preface’s point?

One more bit of metatextual content I want to bring up: Wilde said this about his characters:

Basil Hallward is what I think I am: Lord Henry what the world thinks me: Dorian what I would like to be — in other ages, perhaps.

(I am way too proud of this outdated meme.)

So, all three of Dorian Gray’s main characters are meant to represent the author himself from various perspectives. Basil, the innocent and lovelorn painter, is how Wilde perceives himself. Lord Henry is how society perceives Wilde; he smoothly makes controversial philosophical statements about hedonism and beauty and whatnot, but doesn’t actually believe most of what he’s saying. And what a cryptic thing to say about Dorian, the naive-boy-turned-corrupt libertine. I guess I could interpret that as Wilde saying that he’d theoretically like to have the sheer daring and shamelessness needed to actually live out all of Henry’s philosophies. So… if that’s the case, then that puts a big question mark over Dorian’s entire character. If the message of the book is “hedonism is bad,” then why would Wilde want to be Dorian, even hypothetically? Dorian’s depravity is clearly a bad thing, right? Why would Wilde write him that way, then?

Because the book’s moral isn’t about hedonism, it’s about art.

Wilde warns the reader, “All art is at once surface and symbol. Those who go beneath the surface do so at their peril. Those who read the symbol do so at their peril.” But… that’s exactly what I plan to do. Sorry, Oscar.

So, let’s actually talk about the story now.

The Picture of Dorian Gray is a weirdly paradoxical work for the reasons I just spelled out — it seems like it should be condemning hedonism, but it doesn’t quite. It seems like it is a story about a man whose life steadily ruined by pleasure-seeking at the expense of all else, and yet… it’s just so decadent, this book. It’s full of philosophy about hedonism and the nature of good and evil, and it’s hard to tell just how much is espoused by its author and how much is condemned. Often the philosophy comes through Lord Henry, but sometimes it’s just there in the narration. And I love this book for that reason. I love thinking about stuff like that, so much. I love that this book practically smells like opium and tastes like rich chocolate.

The reason why I’m so interested in Wilde’s relationship to his own work here is because I agree with a lot of the philosophy presented in it. I know that Dorian Gray is being corrupted by Lord Henry’s influence, and I can see how that happens. But… still. This book is interesting to me because it seems to simultaneously espouse and decry the philosophy presented in it, which is why I think it’s a critique. “Let’s let this philosophy play a bit, and see what it does.” What if someone really did live the kind of life that Wilde himself was accused of living? When is hedonism healthy, and when is it not? Where are the limits?

Henry is Wilde’s caricature of himself. A lot of readers hate him for just how infuriating he is. All Lord Henry really does is spout controversial and kind of offensive statements. I’m sure we all know at least one person like that on the internet. Henry’s like the super intellectual version of a troll; he just says stuff to make people deeply uncomfortable and see how they’ll react. But he’s also persuasive — he’s a Mephistophelian character with a “low, musical” voice. He views Dorian almost like a science experiment. He admits that influence is evil, but then actively goes after an impressionable and naive boy to turn him into… well, whatever that portrait looked like in the last chapter. In chapter 2, he makes a long speech about how a man should “live out his life fully and completely […] give form to every feeling, expression to every thought, reality to every dream.” In short, screw Victorian morality. Life is to be experienced, so drink deeply of all it has to offer instead of wasting it constraining yourself. His best line, in my opinion, is:

The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it. Resist it, and your soul grows sick with longing for the things it has forbidden to itself, with desire for what its monstrous laws have made monstrous and unlawful.

—Chapter 2

I kind of agree with this. Kind of. I do think that temptation is impossible to resist. The more you attempt to repress your desires, the more intensely you feel those desires. The best thing to do to avoid being tempted by genuinely dangerous things is to either satisfy the temptation using some safer outlet (or otherwise redirect it), or to avoid potential temptations altogether. The second line of this quote makes it clear that what Henry is really saying here is, “don’t let society’s stupid restrictions keep you from living your best life.”

And… yeah. If society shames you for being gay, whip out the rainbow colors! A lot of things (especially “sexual deviancy”) are only “temptations” because society and culture says that they’re wrong, not because they’re actually morally wrong. That’s an important distinction. We’ll get back to that. I believe that the difference between a temptation and a desire is that you can only be tempted by something dangerous and forbidden. If feeling lust as a young woman or man is considered morally wrong, then sex is a “temptation” — as soon as it’s considered a normal part of existing as a human, then it’s suddenly not a “temptation,” it’s just desire, and is a lot easier to deal with. You can find a safe outlet for it without feeling any shame, and without making any dumb mistakes out of sheer desperation.

Another thing Harry says is,

The aim of life is self-development. To realize one’s nature perfectly — that is what each of us is here for.

—Chapter 2

Yes! I have no argument here. None at all. However, reading between the lines, it seems as though Harry’s definition of “realizing one’s nature perfectly” is just experiencing everything in life and living it to its fullest, literally without distinguishing between good and bad experiences, or good and evil deeds. “Every experience is of value,” he says at one point. I don’t define self-development this way. My definition is complete self-awareness. If you’re self-aware, then you can be as self-indulgent as you want because you know where your limits are. Drinking at a party is fine, but you have to know your alcohol tolerance.

Dorian buys into this philosophy pretty hard. By chapter 11, his whole life has become one of pleasure, and… I’m still not disagreeing with a lot of the philosophy put forth by this novel:

The worship of the senses has often, and with much justice, been decried, men feeling a natural instinct of terror about passions and sensations that seem stranger than themselves […] But it appeared to Dorian Gray that the true nature of the senses had never been understood, and that they had remained savage and animal merely because the world had sought to starve them into submission or to kill them by pain, instead of aiming at making them elements of a new spirituality, of which a fine instinct for beauty was to be the dominant characteristic.

—Chapter 11

This is why I love this novel. I agree with this too. I have a fine instinct for beauty myself. Here, Dorian considers that maybe people in his society consider sensuality to be animalistic and savage only because they haven’t engaged with it at all, so it appears strange and dangerous. I also think that sensuality has been unfairly demonized for far too long, sometimes to the point where enjoying anything is sinful. I think it’s important to confront one’s passions (i.e. desires and emotions) and find a way to deal with them that’s both safe and satisfying. Like Dorian, I don’t have much patience for asceticism, or at least for the notion that it’s the most moral and spiritual way to live one’s life. Dorian attends church sometimes just out of curiosity, just becuase he finds it enjoyable or interesting, and he jumps around between different spiritualities the same way he collects jewels, textiles, and perfume:

But he [Dorian] never fell into the error of arresting his intellectual development by any formal acceptance of creed or system […] no theory of life seemed to him to be of any importance compared with life itself. […] He knew that the senses, no less than the soul, have their spiritual mysteries to reveal.

—Chapter 11

I feel called out by this. This concept of jumping around between different belief systems, using belief as a tool… that’s basically Chaos Magic in a nutshell. “Nothing is true, everything is permitted” definitely sounds like something Lord Henry would say. And I certainly don’t think that sensuality and spirituality are mutually exclusive, in fact, I think that the former can be a means of experiencing the latter. I worship Dionysus, for crying out loud. Often, the answer I give when someone on the internet asks me why I believe in magic or gods or anything else without evidence is “it’s fun,” i.e. pleasure.

And yet… my life could not be more different from Dorian’s. Perhaps the darkest part of my mind is something like Dorian, but in real life, I look like a stereotypical Victorian ingenue who’s always the first to die in a gothic novel like this one, and I’m quite pure and unsullied. I don’t do anything but sit in my dorm room and write on the internet all day. At parties, I freeze up and don’t speak to anyone. I’m still not much of a drinker, despite having been legally allowed to drink for several years now. My only real vice is sugar. I have no love life or sex life. I value pleasure becuase I can’t enjoy myself for the life of me, because I worry about everything all the time and waste energy on it. I’m not Dorian, and that’s probably why I can get away with hedonism.

Here’s the thing about our protagonist: he takes Harry much more seriously than he should. Harry doesn’t actually believe what he’s saying. He just says stuff, to be controversial and shocking. That’s what he does. But Dorian buys it, hard. Harry’s waxing lyrical about how there’s nothing in the world but youth and Dorian has the whole world at his fingertips because he’s pretty, makes Dorian obsessively concerned with his appearance. He barters his soul on a whim. And, then he proceeds to live the kind of lifestyle that Harry advocates for but doesn’t have the balls to actually commit to. Dorian is beautiful, rich, and able to do whatever he likes, which he often does. He has it all, but the truth is, he’s not really getting anything out of any experience. He goes through life like a passive spectator. This is probably because of the hedonism paradox, but it could also be because Dorian uses hedonism and collecting beautiful things as a means of escapism:

For these treasures, and everything that he collected in his lovely house, were to be to him a means of forgetfulness, modes by which he could escape, for a season, from the fear that seemed to him at times to be almost too great to bear.

— Chapter 11

Congratulations, Dorian, you ruined it for yourself.

I like beautiful things. I have more resin statues than I have space for. I have more perfumes than I actually wear. I spend a lot of my free time scrolling through artwork on Pinterest. I genuinely like museums and ballets and operas. I like dressing up in fancy Goth outfits even without an occasion. I like soft blankets. I like neoclassical music. I like decorating for holidays and making elaborate table displays and giving everything a distinctive theme. I deeply appreciate beauty. I don’t think it poisons me. I collect all these things because they make me happy, and that’s all. I think that happiness or pleasure is a worthy goal for its own sake.

But it has to be for its own sake, not for the sake of avoiding your problems, or to ignore the feeling of your sins crawling on your back. It’s like the difference between having a few drinks at a party for the fun of it, and becoming an alcoholic because you can’t come to terms with your psychological issues. Collect beautiful things because they make you happy, not because you hope they might fill the gaping void in your soul left behind by a portrait. Dorian definitely isn’t happy:

I have never searched for happiness. Who wants happiness? I have searched for pleasure.

—Chapter 18

Dorian’s whole life has been what I call “empty pleasure,” pleasure that is ultimately unfulfilling because it’s covering up a problem instead of being enjoyed for its own sake. If you indulge for the sake of avoiding something, you’re not enjoying the thing for what it is, you’re just desperately trying to take your mind off the thing you want to avoid nagging at the back of your brain, and the result is that you can’t really enjoy anything. Another example is gorging yourself on a delicious feast because it’s delicious, as opposed to binge eating. Or having sex with several people that you feel genuine affection for, as opposed to people you can’t even remember the names of. “Empty pleasure” is bad for the soul, but pleasure itself is not. The threat of “empty pleasure” is what has caused pleasure itself to be demonized for so long. It’s not the pleasure that’s bad, it’s the avoidance. Pleasure can’t be spiritual at all if its so superficial. Dorian’s hedonism is hollow and meaningless, so it corrupts his soul.

Confront your damn problems, don’t lock them in your attic! Once you’ve done that, you can really get the most out of life.

Thank you for allowing me all of that gratuitous philosophizing. Where was I? Oh, right — this book is a warning about art. Right.

Lord Henry’s last real contribution to Dorian’s corruption is giving him the mysterious “yellow book.” The “yellow book” is often speculated to be À rebours by Joris-Karl Huysmans. The book itself doesn’t really matter; what matters is the effect that it has on Dorian in-universe. It cements his hedonistic philosophy that had already been implanted by Lord Henry, and it seems to really drive him over the edge.

Dorian Gray had been poisoned by a book. There were moments when he looked on evil simply as a mode through which he could realize his conception of beauty.

— Chapter 11

So, there is no good and evil, only beauty. Dorian doesn’t really have a concept of good and evil anymore, just experiences in life, just whether things are beautiful or not. This is another pretty big problem with Dorian’s approach towards hedonism — he has no moral compass.

This idea that the book is “poisonous” seems to directly contradict the point that Wilde makes in the preface. “There is no such thing as a moral or immoral book. Books are well written, or badly written. That is all.” Why the contradiction? Dorian has made the mistake of taking art too seriously. The yellow book is “poisonous” not because of anything about the book itself, but because of how Dorian responds to it — because he takes it too seriously. The book wouldn’t be immoral if he just enjoyed it at face-value and didn’t take it to heart, would it? The fact that he becomes so obsessed with it is another nail in his coffin.

The first nail in the coffin comes much earlier. The scene where Dorian dumps Sibyl is critical. First, there’s Sibyl’s explanation of her perspective on her art:

The painted scenes were my world. I knew nothing but shadows, and I thought them real. You came — oh, by beautiful love! — and you freed my soul from prison. You taught me what reality really is. The stillness of the empty pageant in which I had always played. […] You had brought me something higher, something of which all art is but a reflection. You had made me understand what love really is. My love! My love! Prince Charming! Prince of life! I have grown sick of shadows. You are more to me than all art can ever be.

— Chapter 7

Until she met Dorian, Sibyl had been living through her plays. She quite literally “became” Juliet or Ophelia or whoever she was playing inside her mind, completely suspending her disbelief, because she just didn’t have much of a life outside of her acting. This made her a phenomenal actress, because watching an actor who’s that immersed in their role is also immersive for the audience. But when she met Dorian, life suddenly became more real to her and more meaningful to her than art. Sibyl completely lost that suspension of disbelief, and her acting skills along with it.

Dorian dumps her for saying so, in the most brutal way possible:

…you have killed my love. You used to stir my imagination, Now you don’t even stir my curiosity. You simply produce no effect. I loved you because you were marvellous, because you had genius and intellect, because you realized the dreams of great poets and gave shape and substance to the shadows of art. You have thrown it all away. You are shallow and stupid. My God! how mad I was to love you! What a fool I have been! You mean nothing to me now. I will never see you again. I will never think of you. […] Without your art, you are nothing. […] A third-rate actress with a pretty face.

Okay, there’s a lot to unpack here. Both Sibyl and Dorian have made the fatal mistake of taking art too seriously. On Sybil’s end, she’s been living through her art in a way that’s unhealthy. She doesn’t have a life or an identity beyond the persona that she adopts on stage. It’s like if your entire life was online, and the only people you’ve ever been in love with are fictional characters, and you didn’t have any life to speak of beyond that — oh. Okay, well, at least I have a sense of myself. Sibyl doesn’t have an identity of her own, so she borrows her identity from Shakespeare characters. Dorian, meanwhile, has fallen in love with this false identity. He doesn’t actually care about the person Sibyl actually is, because there’s nothing really there. When Sibyl feels like she’s finally found herself and become a person, Dorian is disgusted with her because she can no longer act, and she’s no longer interesting to him. Sibyl became an art piece and Dorian loved that art piece, not the person beneath.

This scene is so often misrepresented in adaptations. In most adaptations, the breakup is Harry’s fault, usually through giving him bad romance advice and teaching him to devalue women. For example, in the 2009 adaptation, Harry tempts Dorian to go to a brothel instead of seeing Sibyl perform, and Sibyl is concerned that she’s just another whore to Dorian. That becomes the focus of their breakup. Blaming the breakup on Harry makes it about hedonism; Sibyl feeling like Dorian is exploiting her for sex makes it about hedonism. It’s not about hedonism, it’s about art, which relates back to the preface. In the book, the breakup is entirely Dorian’s fault. It’s also the first time we see any real cruelty out of Dorian, which is then reflected by the portrait. Because this has nothing to do with Harry’s influence, I consider it proof that Dorian was never really that good of a person to begin with. He completely lacks empathy for Sibyl.

This is what results in tragedy. Sibyl commits suicide because she’s the pretty and innocent blond ingenue who’s always the first to die in a gothic novel, and Dorian officially begins his downward slide. Sibyl’s death is absolutely Dorian’s fault in every way. He doesn’t dive headfirst into hedonism until after that happens, and his hedonism is “empty” because he’s trying to numb the pain of Sibyl’s death. And it’s all downhill from there.

When Basil finally comes to see Dorian again, he’s appalled by Dorian’s reputation. Apparently, everything Dorian touches rots from the inside, so to speak. Sibyl becomes the first of many. Every person he’s involved with ends up too ashamed to show themselves in public, if they don’t commit suicide.

“…you were a man whom no pure-minded girl should be allowed to know, and whom no chaste woman should sit in the same room with. […] Why is your friendship so fatal to young men?” [Basil proceeds to describe several men whom Dorian was “inseparable” with who then ended up with disgraced reputations.] They say that you corrupt everyone with whom you become intimate.”

— Chapter 12

Dorian’s reputation is so sordid that all of the young women and men who become intimate with Dorian (interesting word choice) all end up ruined in some way or another. The same is said of Alan Campbell, the young chemist Dorian blackmails into deposing of Basil’s body. Apparently, they were “almost inseparable, indeed. Then the intimacy had come suddenly to an end.” Do I really need to spell this out? What does Dorian blackmail Allan with? We don’t know. It’s never said. But it’s heavily implied to be something about the very gay stuff that they almost definitely did together.

But — and this is one of the things that made the book so scandalous for its time — Dorian isn’t depraved because he’s bi. He’s just a bad person, and all of the poor young people who become involved with him suffer for it. Other characters in the story who are implied to be queer are not depicted as being evil. Basil, the most unambiguously gay character in the novel, is also one of the most innocent and the most undeserving of Dorian’s cruelty. Alan, too, is an innocent victim of Dorian, whatever he and Dorian might have done together in the past. During the scene in which Dorian blackmails Alan, his behavior implies that he is abusive as a partner, even outside the extraordinary circumstance of covering up a murder. Specifically, the “you made me do this” lines that he keeps throwing at Alan:

I tried to spare you. You will do me the justice to admit that. You were stern, harsh, offensive. You treated me as no man has ever dared to treat me—no living man, at any rate. I bore it all. Now it is for me to dictate terms.

— Chapter 14

How many other people has Dorian treated like this? How many of his lovers has he gaslit into believing that his abuse is their fault? How many people has he threatened with social ruin if they don’t do what he wants? (His own reputation can’t get any worse, after all.) He gives Alan a “look of pity,” as if to say, “this will hurt you way more than it hurts me.” Until the very end, Dorian seems completely oblivious (perhaps willingly so) to the effect that his actions have on other people, or worse, he actively enjoys it.

So, that brings me to Basil Hallward. Poor, poor Basil.

Basil knows his fatal flaw, and here we come back to taking art too seriously:

Dorian, from the moment I met you, your personality had the most extraordinary influence over me. I was dominated, soul, brain, and power, by you. You became to me the visible incarnation of that unseen ideal whose memory haunts us like an exquisite dream. I worshipped you. […] I was only happy when I was with you. When you were away from me, you were still present in my art…. […] One day, a fatal day I sometimes think, I determined to paint a wonderful portrait of you as you actually are, not in the costume of dead ages, but in your own dress and your own time. […] …I know that as I worked on it, every flake and film of colour seemed to me to reveal my secret. I grew afraid that others would know of my idolatry. I felt, Dorian, that I had told too much, that I had put too much of myself into it. […] Well, after a few days the thing left my studio, and as soon as I had gotten rid of the intolerable fascination of its presence, it seemed to me that I had been foolish in imagining that I had seen anything in it, more than that you were extremely good-looking and that I could paint. Even now I cannot help feeling that it is a mistake to think that the passion one feels in creation is ever really shown in the work that one creates. Art is always more abstract than we fancy. Form and colour tell us of form and colour — that is all. It often seems to me that art conceals the artist far more than it reveals him.

— Chapter 9

This is all one paragraph, by the way, and the whole thing spans an entire page. It is probably the gayest paragraph of the entire body of Victorian literature. Basil is clearly infatuated. He becomes so obsessed with Dorian that it’s almost unhealthy. This anguished declaration of love obviously echoes the preface, which is to be expected if Wilde sees Basil as a representation of himself. “To reveal art and conceal the artist is art’s aim.” Basil is afraid that the portrait doesn’t reveal Dorian as he is, instead revealing Basil’s salacious crush on Dorian. But he ultimately comes to the same conclusion as the preface — that art conceals the artist and simply exists for its own sake. Anyone is able to project onto art and see anything they want in it, but art simply is what it is, and taking it too seriously results in peril. Perhaps the true tragic figure of this book isn’t Dorian, it’s Basil, for having invested so much in this portrait. He doesn’t paint it for the sake of creating a beautiful thing, but for the sake of glorifying his crush. He treated Dorian like a god, and could not see past his projection of perfection to see that Dorian was becoming a monster until it was much too late. When Basil sees what has become of the portrait, he acknowledges that this is the only thing anyone is punished for in this novel: “I worshipped you too much. I am punished for it. You worshipped yourself too much. We are both punished.”

Dorian himself kind of becomes an art piece. He literally switches places with the portrait. The portrait shows the corruption of Dorian’s soul, and Dorian himself becomes a projection of both Harry “poisonous” philosophy and Basil’s unhealthy projection. He is admired intensely. He exists just to be beautiful, like an art piece, and no one can really see past his beauty. The novel’s premise is based around the idea that people’s sins are written across their face, and that beauty equals goodness. No one can believe anything bad about Dorian when they see him because he just looks so innocent and angelic. Before he learns the truth, Basil is disturbed by Dorian’s reputation but just can’t believe it: “But you, Dorian, with your pure, bright, innocent face, and your marvellous untroubled youth—I can’t believe anything against you.” Similar comments are made by other characters. Dorian is just too pretty to be as evil as he is. The subversiveness of the book comes from that premise. How often are beautiful people able to get away with anything in society, just because people tend to assume they’re innocent? It’s no wonder that Dorian is completely narcissistic.

Even Harry is incredulous when Dorian all but admits to having murdered Basil, thinking that he’s not capable of murder: “Crime belongs exclusively to the lower orders […] I should fancy that crime was to them what art is to us, simply a method of procuring extraordinary sensations.” Comparing crime to art is really interesting, to say the least. Most people would say that there’s nothing artistic about crime, but Harry isn’t most people, he’s a troll. And the only reason he gets off scot-free in this book is because he never commits the sin of taking art too seriously! Apparently, according to him, Dorian cannot commit a crime because he’s basically an art piece, and he just doesn’t have any need to kill someone. There’s another comment that Harry makes towards the end that suggests that he views Dorian as an art piece:

I am so glad that you have never done anything, never carved a statue, or painted a picture, or produced anything outside of yourself! Life has been your art. You have set yourself to music. Your days are your sonnets.

—Chapter 19

This echoes an earlier comment that he made about Basil being boring because everything that’s interesting about him, he puts into his art. Dorian’s life is vibrant because he directs all that same creative energy into living instead of into an art piece. Dorian himself is an art piece. And yet, while Harry is saying this, Dorian is feeling Basil’s murder weighing upon him.

The title refers not to Dorian himself, but to the portrait — a piece of art. The portrait drives the story, and even Dorian himself realizes this. Dorian’s undoing is that he can’t live with the guilt of his reckless murder and probably all his other sins, especially when he has a literal conscience staring back at him. He would have gotten away with murder just for being pretty, if he didn’t have a conscience. It’s far too late for him to redeem himself, so he decides to destroy the conscience. And… we know how that turns out.

The true “moral” of this book is really hard to parse out, which is maybe why we shouldn’t attempt to read the symbol and just take the whole book at face-value, right? There’s a lot going on here. There’s the inability to face up to one’s problems and deal with them in a way that’s healthy, resulting in any form of enjoyment being “empty.” There’s the idolization of beauty, always assuming the best of beautiful people even when they’re really quite awful. And there’s art — treating art like life or life like art is always going to come back to bite you in the end. That would make this a cautionary tale about what happens when art isn’t appreciated for its own sake, and is projected on so much that one confuses it with life, or sought as a source of morality. Art is not moral, it just is — reading (or writing!) a book from the perspective of a serial killer will not make you a bad person. This book is not a bad influence, it just is.

Even after having written all of that, I’m still not really sure what Wilde was trying to say about hedonism, so let’s ask him. According to Wilde himself, the moral of The Picture of Dorian Gray is, “All excess, as well as all renunciation, brings its own punishment.”

Both extremes are bad. Indulge in life, but make sure you do so with empathy, and for the right reasons! Find some middle ground. And most of all, don’t be afraid of your own portrait.

#dorian gray #the picture of dorian gray #dorian gray weekly #oscar wilde #literary analysis #gothic literature #gothic lit #art #hedonism #tpodg

132 notes · View notes

piviani · 1 year

Text

enha thoughts about bite me and its controversy

( disclaimer: please do remember to take my readings with a grain of salt. i am in no way a professional tarot reader and all of this are alleged and is for entertainment purposes only. )

part two of the reading

what jungwon thinks of its choreo

the hierophant

from what i see i dont think jungwon cares about what choreography bite me has tbh. jungwon is a type of person whos a follower. whatever the authority might say he just follows it (atleast in certain occurrences) as he already see it something that is already set and cannot be changed. this doesn’t automatically apply to other situations though, jungwon has certain beliefs he solely believes too. so! i dont think jungwon cared about it that much and just followed what the company wants regardless.

what jungwon feels about its controversy

the lovers

pulled lovers for jungwon and i can say this is so terrifying yet amazing at the same time actually. i took the card back at first because i felt that it wasn’t quite right and continued to shuffle once again.. however to my suprise i pulled the lovers.. again. so anyways before i actually explain regarding of what jungwon feels about the controversy going on around. im gonna need to ass a little bit of background check, there are 22 major arcanas in a deck, and these two specifically are next to each other. hierophant being the #5 and the lovers being the #6 among the 22 major arcanas, isn’t it fascinating? from what i think it shows how jungwons perspective changed after hearing the controversy in a way, where it transitioned after the controversy. like this is abit funny i actually cackled because i think jungwons loving it now lmfao i dont know? hes enjoying this which i do Not know Why. one thing for sure though i dont think jungwon is focusing too much on the negativity. publicity is still publicity.

what heeseung thinks of its choreo

the magician

heeseung feels their choreography has gone creative! he thinks this will open new doors to enter for him so hes trying not missing any possibilities. he has so much will! im seeing heeseung trusted and put lots of efforts for this choreography.

what heeseung feels about its controversy

five of cups in reverse

kinda sad how situations change after the controversy but this is kind of great as it is in reverse tbh. from what the card shows, its admitting how heeseung used to feel saddened about the situation, but its not all that, it was like the situation only revolved around negativity atleast for heeseung (when in fact it was only through domestically.) but anyways! okay this is 5oCr so heeseung is in the state of where he already moved past it and now feels more light than he ever was. the situation really saddened him but atleast to what i see, it made him feel the state of realization. hes not caring about it as he used to.

what jay thinks of its choreography

king of swords

jay thought that authorities has certain standards that is high and this includes their choreography. ouuu jay felt stern throughout. “mind over matter and the head over the heart.” its implying what or how jay felt. its showing how he took the responsibility.. jay really didn’t know what he felt about it. tbh the cards are not giving me a clear answer. its just showing how jay just prepared and remained compoosed with what’s about to come as he thought about it logically already . (seems like he already saw it coming) self assured he wasn’t really thinking about it in an emotional way. just practiced what dance choreo was shown, sighed, and moved on fr

what jay feels about its controversy

page of pentacles in reverse

oh jay feels like its backing out their bags and their opportunities away. jay feels like this whole situation is so dumb lmao this is so direct i actually believe jay wants everyone to know how he feels about the controversy. it indicates how jay feels this whole thing screams immature and he does not like it. he feels people lacks brains hes starting to lose sight of what other people thinks (omg i would be pissed if i cant have my bag too) he should not lose focus though! as card shown, hes starting to feel overwhelmed by it.

[ part two of the reading. ]

[ reading was done at June 3, 2023. ]

#kpop tarot #kpop #enhypen tarot #tarot #enhypen #enhypen astrology #yang jungwon #lee heeseung #park jongseong #sim jaeyun #park sunghoon #kim sunoo #riki nishimura

78 notes · View notes

shatcey · 2 months

Text

Villain's logic...

My words can… no… will definitely be considered as spoilers for Vlad and Kicho's routes. It's more like thinking out loud… a long and boring for most of you. So if you're not interested in that kind of things, you won't miss anything by skipping.

Controversial characters are usually more loved. They are more interesting, they have more than one side and there is always have some other motive that you can only reveal somewhere in the middle of his sroty. So, characters who seem kind at one moment and cruel at another seem somehow more realistic, they are not as flat as others.

The writers need to somehow find a balance between these seemingly completely polar sides of the character so that we constantly feel on our toes. And explain why he is like this, in a roundabout way so that it's not too obvious and boring.

This is probably one of the reasons we love these characters. The writers have spent a lot of time on them, thinking through a lot of details, and as a result they shine like freshly polished silver.

I don't need to explain why this is not an easy task.

So it's not surprising that there are a lot of characters that aren't as good as they should be. And personally, I think Vlad is one of them.

The contradiction between what he says and what he does is so huge that at some point I thought maybe he had a split personality. But no. He's just… like that. And I'm not a naive girl (like Mai in Kicho's route or Belle in Gilbert's route) who seriously thinks that if we all just hold hands, all problems will be solved. I understand that if you really want to change something and big, you need to make sacrifices, your own or others'. But the way the authors explain it in Vlad's route… I don't see the logic in that.

I am an extremely logical person. I'm a mathematician, after all. So if I notice something in the game that cannot be structured with a simple if/ then it makes me question about the purpose of it. This is not a book, where not everything should have a purpose. It's a short story or a comic (no matter what you call it), something that has a very bordered size. And in order to fit into these boundaries and make the story interesting and dynamic, they must use if/then structures.

He wants to achieve some goal, that's why he does this and that. At the moment, he is behaving uncharacteristically because he has become too emotional and has no idea how to deal with it. That kind of things. Very simple and logical.

But with Vlad...

Vlad loves all people and loves this world. But… people will destroy this world, so he decided to control their thoughts. Not change, but control. It's not perfect, but it makes sense. He wants to find people who will have enough influence to change the way people think. Ok, but there is a small problem here. People change ONLY when they wanna change. Yes, then we are talking about children… their opinion is very flexible. Anything can make them rearrange the structure of their thoughts. But it's not that simple with adults. Sometimes something stuck in our head, but it is impossible to predict who or what it might be. The idea is correct in some ways, but it is not so easy to implement it. You can't get people to listen to one person, believe them, and agree with them… UNLESS they've been used to thinking that way since childhood. OR they became emotionally close to that person. We are more likely to listen to people we know and trust than to complete strangers.

And the second huge logical gap in Vlad's thoughts is… Let's make them fight each other to find out who is the strongest.

...

Why do you even need that? These are not gladiator fights. You wanna achieve the maximum result. Why not use them all? That would make more sense. If Vlad wasn't trying to kill others, but was trying to manipulate them… to win them over to his side… It would be more logical and certainly truly villainous.

And his… These flowers are not strong enough to bloom in my garden… Again, how does physical strength relate to the ability to change a person's mindset?

...

No, I don't get it.

Another thing I didn't feel about his route was... the connection with MC. Very sad story of the faceless women in the portrait does not add up to a complete picture in my head. The chronological MC found the little (almost said Nobunaga… habits are strong) the little Vlad in the closet. The adults told him to hide, just to distract him while they were fighting the humans. Save his psyche or something. Good parents. He felt lonely, but he didn't understand what was going on. So it happened BEFORE he felt hopeless and betrayed, BEFORE he wanted to die. And her words (they didn't stick in my memory at all) somehow give him strength then it finally happens… But he always spoke as if she had appeared at that EXACT moment and saved him. Maybe I missed something… I read his route six months ago and didn't really remember it.

Unlike him in the Kicho's route, the connection between them is so very strong. He memorized her words, word for word, and carried them through the years. Her words shape his whole personality. Everything he is now is the result of her words and actions in his past. He still keeps the promise he made to her, and that's the big part of his personality. And he's even afraid of the rain (I get goosebumps) because she disappeared in the rain. This is what makes readers cry and feel impressed. That's what called a really good writing work. When writers understand their character, you can literally feel it.

Only now I'm starting to understand Vlad BECAUSE I've read Kicho's route. Unexpected, isn't it? Mai tries to change Kicho's behavior to protect his heart. So… he acted like a villain against his own philosophy. He values every life, he wants to save as much as possible, but he chose destruction. And it hurts him to do that, but he doesn't see any other options. And this is the key to understanding Vlad. God, why didn't they explain it in his route? Why do I need to read ANOTHER game to understand the character? It's so wrong.

I'm finishing the interlude in Vampires, which gives a little more information about Vlad's inner struggles, but I wouldn't have understood them if I hadn't read Kicho's route. This is a serious mistake. A huge one. Okay, Mai is smarter than the girl from Vampires. That's probably the reason. MC from Vampires just couldn't understand or couldn't explain it so simply.

Maybe the problem is with me. I don't exclude such a possibility. Maybe I just don't like the narrative in Vampires and I cannot fully immerse myself in the story. And perhaps you all understand Vlad in a way that I will never be able to...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

🔝 Start page 🔝

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

16 notes · View notes

seiueina · 1 year

Text

it was fun while it lasted | ft. nagi seishiro [part 2 here]

what if nagi seishiro was the one to come out of wild card, and you were his significant other? established relationship + breakup + hurt + kissing + attitude + angst(?) + self indulgent + rewritten

Years it felt like. Years since you've heard from your long term boyfriend of five years. But in reality, it was actually just three months since he had left home to participate in the newly and controversial soccer program called, Blue Lock, a very short and brief description that Seishiro lazily informed you about just a day before he was supposed to go to this "Blue Lock."

Seishiro forgot about it. It's usual for him to forget about things that he doesn't really seem to have a care for, especially when it's things that he's forced to attend. He would have forgotten that he was going to go with Reo to the JFU the following day until Reo had asked you about how you felt about Seishiro leaving for an unknown amount of time.

Nevertheless, you were upset to say the least. You had a right to be. Was Sei going to just leave and disappear without saying anything to me? Questions like that kept roaming your mind throughout the school day. But with Reo’s excitement and Seishiro’s extended yawn, you felt proud of your boyfriend for getting an invitation to this "Blue Lock," to you it meant that he can really make this football career into something even more and you were happy you were with him from the very beginning.

Seishiro and You met way before Reo had entered the picture. Seishiro and You had boundaries, you both liked to be to yourselves. Both mutually agreeing that there is no PDA in school and that during breaks in class you’d stay in your own bubble. So when Reo finally met the girlfriend, he was a little flabbergasted at first but was mad that Seishiro was hiding the fact he was dating a total babe!

However, there were people who didn't really understand your relationship with Seishiro. To be more frank, your very own friends thought weirdly about how your relationship even lasted as long.

"How can you not hangout with your boyfriend throughout the school day? I could never!"

But little did they know, this was how your relationship with Seishiro was able to last so long. Trust. Communication. And the hours and hours of being in Seishiro’s room, (and arms while taking naps) gaming away and talking about the future together. Having intimate moments together being in his empty apartment with his cactus Choki, was the glue to making your relationship last.

So the night before he was to be away from home, you’d lay on his bed, playing with his hair, curling the longer strands of hair on your fingers as you watched him playing one of the games you bought him for your anniversary. (He definitely loves Final Fantasy).

“y/N?” He finally spoke, attention becoming on you and not his game for once. “M’ gonna miss you.” He says, slowly putting down his gaming console and turning over onto his side, both of you now facing each other. “Mmm me too Sei.” You say just as a yawn escapes your mouth, he laughs before planting a kiss on your mouth in the middle of your yawn. You swat his face away and give him a proper kiss. “I am proud of you Sei..” You say lazily and you feel his hands playing with your hair, fingers intwinding with the strands of your hair, feeling even more sleepy and relaxed then before. It was simple. To him, you were his home. And to you, he was your home. That very night, you both fell peacefully asleep in each other’s arms, and the next day you sent him off with Reo, cheerfully supporting him and Reo for their future football careers.

So then…

Why after three months he returns suddenly, standing at your doorstep. Eye bags dark and even more visible than you've ever seen. Just by viewing him, you notice how he looks bulkier than what you remembered, and when you went in for a long and awaited hug, he denied you and pushed you back. Leaving you confused.

“Eh? Why did you push me away?” You ask, hands on your hips tapping your foot on the ground as you awaited his answer.

He’s never acted like this before. “Are you deaf? This isn’t funny.” You say, staring at his cold, emotionless face. The love that you could smell and see from him was no longer there. “Get my things.” He says, which makes you get even more confused than you already were. You blinked blankly at him before he shouted, “What are you doing standing there? Hurry up and get my things.” He says with a more demanding and impatient voice.

You turned around quickly, scared for what was going to happen if you didn’t make a move in the next 10 seconds. Thinking to yourself as you walk upstairs to your room, you hurriedly grab everything that was owned by your (ex)boyfriend. You were still confused as to what just happened, what happened in the Blue Lock Program? You were making a mental note to find the person in charge of the program and lecturing them about what they’ve done to your precious and loving boyfriend.

You made your way downstairs and opened the door again to see the same emotionless face, he looked more bored than usual which is an understatement because he always thought things as boring. “So bothersome.” He hushes as he swiftly grabs the bag that was holding all of his belongings. “Are you going to tell me what the meaning of this?” You ask as you see him starting to turn around. “I’d think collecting my stuff was already a message being sent but you're too naive to realize. We’re done y/N.” He says, back turned to you. As you process what he’s just said he turns around to face you once more.

“It was fun while it lasted.” He coos before turning around and walking off of your door steps.

You stood there. Dumbfounded. Seishiro was out of your vision of sight before it finally hit you. The gallons of tears came rushing out as you rushed to your bedroom. The only thing in your mind was to text Reo, he’d been with Seishiro from the beginning of their arrival in Blue Lock but all you got a text saying, he had no clue what you were talking about and then the text finished off saying Seishiro and him weren’t friends anymore. You became even more shocked all you could do was cry, alone. You didn’t want to text your friends, knowing they’d just say, “Told you so.” making you more furious at them then the actual problem that you were faced with.

Days passed and you were trapped, locked in your room. Leaving your room felt like a hassle and the memories of what happend at your doorstep halted you to even thinking of walking downstairs. You’ve survived off random snacks that you had in your room that were meant for Seishiro whenever he came over but you ate them all in the days you’d stay in your room. A knock sounded and it was your dad, “y/N, can you please get the door? I have a meeting in less than 30 seconds!.” Your dads muffled voice was almost too hard to comprehend before you gained the strength to get yourself unstuck from your bed.

He doesn��t know what happened…he just thinks it’s that time of the month which is why he doesn't bother annoying you and urging you to get out of your room, unless its moments like these where you have no choice but to open the front door. You think to yourself as you walk downstairs and just as you were about to open the door, memories of what happened three days ago. You try your best to refresh your mind before taking a breath and opening the door.

It must’ve been deja vu. Because the person you’ve met with is none other than Nagi Seishiro. Looking even more beaten up, dead, tired than he did three days ago. You scan his face and your vision lands on his eyes, they were red and the more you looked at his eyes, the more you’ve seen it bigger then before. They were puffy. The redness surrounding his eyes almost took over the dark circles that took its spot there before. “Na-”

You couldn’t complete your sentence. Why? The man who broke up with you, the man who showed no emotion that day, the man who looked at you as if you’re just some bothersome person in his way, came crashing down on you. His head took place in the nook of your neck. You could feel him breathing, the soft tickles of the air leaving his nose as it danced on contour of your neck. You froze there again. You wanted to push him off, you knew this wasn’t right. For instance, you guys are broken up. People who just broke up with their significant other shouldn’t act like this…right? You think to yourself before he lifts his head up from your neck and finally looks into your eyes.

“It seems that I’ve messed up.” He speaks, breaking the cold silence that lingered in between the both of you. “Seishiro, what do you want?” You blurt, you didn’t make eye contact with him but just kept your vision at his chest. “Seishiro? It’s Sei...y/N.”

“It was Sei.” You say correct him before taking a step back, ready to leave him outside and you return back into your home and sulk around more, that was until he spoke again. “You forgot to give me back my console charger..” He says, you couldn’t help but to roll your eyes..

How stupid could you have been to think that he, this new Nagi Seishiro, was cryin’ over the breakup. He's even more emotionless and like acted like he didn’t care that he was throwing something that he very much loved away. It felt like you were a piece of chewing gum and he just spit you out on the asphalt ground just like that. “I’ll be right back.” You say, back turned to him and you grabbed the charger from your room shortly returning back to the door and handing him over the charger you in fact had but didn’t mean to forget to return it to him. Your mind was occupied.

“Where’s my kiss?” He bluntly asks, putting a hand on your shoulder before you could walk away from him. “The hell you mean where’s your kiss? You broke up with me, remember. Don’t owe you nothin’ and very much don’t own you a kiss.” You say, removing his hold on your shoulder before getting back into your house.

“y/N...you know I still love you...till death do us part..right?.” He says, nonchalantly.

“Seishiro, you should leave.” It took everything in you to not say it back. You knew deep down that you still very much loved him, and he did too. But it hurts. It hurts how he dumped you. Hurts how he acted like the 5 years prior was nothing to him.

That day, you returned to not your bed but to the living room couch. More devastated than you were before. You’re not one to be avidly on your phone, and when you went to check on any of your social medias. You’ve received multiple texts from Seishiro, hour by hour, but you haven’t texted him back. You're worried, scared, frustrated enough to not have a need to text him. You turn in your phone for the rest of your night, trying to get back onto your schedule which seemed to be messed up after Nagi Seishiro, your ex-boyfriend's appearance three days ago.

˖°࿐ •⁀➷

this was originally published a few weeks ago but i've undergone some editing and rewritten a few parts. part two rewritten is planned

like always, thank you for reading !

re-blogs are appreciated as well

[asks/inbox are always open]

#anime #bllk manga #blue lock #bllk x you #blue lock fanfiction #blue lock x y/n #bllk headcanons #bllk nagi x reader #seishiro nagi #nagi seishiro headcanons #nagi seishiro x y/n #nagi seishiro fanfiction #seishiro nagi x reader #nagi seishiro #nagi x y/n #bllk nagi #nagi x reader

81 notes · View notes

firefromthegodspro · 5 months

Text

NGL I know its a controversial scene, but I genuinely love the "Adult Kiss" scene from End of Eva.

Like I know some people say it's "Out of Character" for Misato but I ask you how???? Like half the entire series is hammering into you that this woman, despite having at least some form of familial love for Shinji, is entirely willing to toss both it and her morals aside to get him to pilot. Like this woman, multiple times, explicitly ignores the severe trauma piloting inflicts onto Shinji to guilt him into it because "he has to". So no, I do not think its OOC for her to offer an "Adult Kiss" to him on her deathbed if he gets into the Eva. She knows he's desperate for any sort of affection at this point and that it will get him to pilot so of course she'll toss aside morals and decency to do it.

And yes its disgusting, its awful, and that the point. You are supposed to look at this scene in horror and go "what the fuck is going on???" You're supposed to despise her for it, to thinks she's an awful human being, because she's explicitly offering a 14 year old the promise of sex (that she knows she will never be able to fulfill) if he will just get in the fucking robot again and this is a bad thing.

I won't speak to directorial intent because I A: am not in contact with Hideki Anno (despite fervently desiring to pick his brain about Shin Kamen Rider) B: do not speak Japanese so cannot read his interviews unless its through the lens of a (potentially flawed) translator and C: Am too fucking lazy to look up said interviews anyways. But I will say that, whether retroactively or not, Eva is a genuinely good commentary on the "Relatable Angsty Teenage Protagonist" because Shinji is incredibly relatable when he first shows up. Poor self-esteem, absent parents, issues connecting with people, etc. But as the series goes on and Shinji descends further and further to start to relate less and less and start to wonder "Why aren't any of these adults seeing. Why do they seem to miss or ignore the obvious traumas Shinji and Asuka have and why do they continue to push them to do something that only hurts them. Why don't they question the narrative, of why the teens are the only ones who can Pilot or whether its even true or not?"

TL;DR yes Misato is an awful human being, and yes just about everything she does in EoE is entirely in character for her

#neon genesis evangelion #end of evangelion #end of evangelion spoilers #spoilers #nge spoilers #no like seriously this is such a good scene explicitly because what she's doing is so awful #apologies for the brain vomit I just feel really strongly about Eva #love this series and the depressing as fuck tale it tells #thank god Anno finished the Rebuild tetralogy I hope he never has to revisit it again

17 notes · View notes

beautifulpersonpeach · 7 months

Note

im so confused about that taekook pic. is jimin trolling? it's like he's toying with us? pls plss plss don't forget this ask bpp. pls answer my asks. i don't get why everything feels fake about jikook, tkk, jimin. is he even happy? it's like hybe is pulling the strings and trying to confuse jimin stans to frustrate us.

Ask 2:

At this point I just feel like we're getting played with lol. By who and for what? I don't know. But I've felt this way ever since we got photos/video that jimin did in fact get a cake for his solo and I'm sure big hit saw what the fandom was saying about him not getting one and they still waited to announce that he did.

BTS just isn't fun anymore for me rn. There's just this tension surrounding everything. And not just with shipping. It's fandom wide blatant favoritism. Shifting confusing narratives from the guys themselves (Jungkook claiming he's not trying to shy away from the maknae image when that's all he's been saying for months now???). Tae doing whatever it is that he's doing (bless his heart chile). Namjoon seems to be a mess rn, I wanna give him a hug, he speaks like life is kicking his ass. And our jiminie, I can't get a read on but he seems happy. And the other 3 being in the army so they're not causing trouble lol.

These taekook pics from jimin, hmmm idk, maybe it's his way of telling people he doesn't care about the backlash, and tae bringing jungkook up constantly, and we should back off.

It's all a mess. I never thought I'd long for the day we'd get a real break lol. I WANT to miss them.

I don't hate them. This is just exhausting. It's like them and the company are trying to be strategic with everything and it feels a bit disingenuous? Idk if that's the word. Maybe disconnected is more the word. And I know they've always been strategic in the things they do, so idk why this feels different to me.

Anyway, thanks for letting me ramble in your inbox lol

Ask 3:

Something feels wrong about suchwita. It feels forced. Am I the only one who feels Hybe is doing damage control with jikook to contain the fallout from Golden? BPP I'd like to hear what you think about vminkook's date, suchwita revealing the travel variety in context of all the controversies that happened lately. Does Jimin just not care about taekooker hate? He might be kind but he's still human.

Ask 4:

I give up on Jimin. Tired of stanning a grown man letting himself get played for a fool. Hybe, you won. Gloat away BPP. You and the rest of the OT7 cows win.

Ask 5:

BPP your asks about that RM - FACE credits controversy from Pjms reminded me of one debate I saw btw flat earthers and scientists. It's the most fascinating thing I've ever seen. The part that made me think of you is how flatearthers called the scientists uneducated, said they did their own calculations and made their own observations to arrive at fringe theories that disputed the wider consensus. I found it so strange how both scientists and flat earthers could observe the same thing but reach widely different conclusions. I know you've been going over and over with solos for some months so I hope this can make you laugh a bit BPP.

https://www. youtube.com/watch?v=Q7yvvq-9ytE

***

Hi Anon(s),

Lol, Anons in asks 1 through 4, why are you letting your minds torment you over things that should be obvious? Anon in ask 5, you sent me that ask last week, but it feels apt to post it now given the sort of asks I've gotten in the last few hours.

How many times can we go over the sort of conspiratorial thinking that plagues people who eventually become akgaes, thought patterns that have been shown several times this year to be completely misguided? If the only conclusion you can reach after everything we've seen in the last 10 months, after seeing Jikook, Taekook, Yoonmin, Vmin, and Yoonkook's conversations recently, is that 'someone' must be trying to pull a fast one on you, then maybe you should take a step back.

Honestly, in my opinion, you all fit the profile of people who should engage with k-pop very sparingly. Most times, I've observed these sort of views (also in the case of flat-earthers) are caused by gaps in foundational knowledge about the subject coupled with personal implicit biases. I see this happen all the time, and it's unfortunately the sorts of people who think like this who only get further sucked in, to the point they lose any semblance of a reference point. If you're still at the point you're asking these questions, especially Anon in ask 1, 2 and 3, there's still a chance. I'd suggest a clean break, a detox period, and very limited exposure going forward but starting from scratch and actually watching official content from the early years. A lot of people who joined the fandom post-2020 have only seen compilations and selected clips of BTS's formative years, and so they lack the background to better interpret everything that's happening in Chapter 2 - from why HYBE wouldn't respond to akgaes whining about cakes by posting it right away, to how vminkook have behaved throughout Chapter 2.

Listen to how you feel and please step back.

With flat earthers it's funny because in a bid to be skeptical, to 'question everything' so they aren't "played as a fool", they end up becoming just that. For most other people there's no joke, but for them the joke is always on them.

youtube

Thanks for the video, Anon in ask 5. But rather than make me laugh, it did the opposite. The conclusion of the video is that no flat-earther, not one, changed their minds after debating with the scientists. I had a theory that the people who end up as akgaes were always going to be that regardless of any arguments that run contrary to their beliefs, because at the heart of it, it's not about the arguments but about them. But I hoped I could be wrong. Extrapolating the conclusion of this video to my theory, the suggested implication is bleak as hell.

Anyway, stream Golden and enjoy jikook jikooking. Sounds like we're about to get a full calendar of content.

#bts #fandom behaviour #fandom discourse #bts chapter 2 #bts solo stans #jimin #jungkook #taehyung #yoongi #jikook #flat earthers #conspiratorial thinking

37 notes · View notes

ughmyreality · 8 days

Text

Thoughts on S3 E1

(SPOILERS ahead)

Hey, so I decided to do an overview of my thoughts and opinions of season three, seeing as I have already made, what some would call, a controversial post about it. I’ll go over them one episode at a time but seeing as I typically binge watch shows, it shouldn’t take me very long. There might be positives, there will be negatives, so please be forewarned that I am not going to solely praise the show. Also, it needs not be mentioned, I am but a single negative person on the internet talking about a fictional story. We are all not going to agree. With that said, let’s move on.

Episode 1-

Although people would like to think of Penelope solely for her personality, I think it's important to think of how society was back then. What skills or accomplishments does Penelope really have? Yes, she’s Lady Whistledown but of course no one else knows that. So what are people to think? Is it unfortunate that she has no prospects, yes, but am I going to fault anyone for not wanting to court her, no.

I understand that she’s supposed to be the “wallflower” but literally no one else wears such atrocious yellow. In fact, I feel like everyone else was wearing cooler shades and she’s the only one in warmer hues. Maybe it’s always been like this and I just haven’t noticed.

In comparison to everyone else Francesca’s makeup seems oddly modern. Now, I’m not a history person, but I feel like it was out of place, but who knows. It might be some sort of symbolic messaging that I don’t understand.

I’m cringing at Penelope watching Eloise walk away with Cressida! Then trying to hide the fact that she was doing it. She’s looking at her so longingly, at this point, she’d have a better story arch with Eloise than Colin.

The relationship between Kate and Violet is so cute. I love the dynamic.

Wow… the revolutionary woman who broke out of the molds of society, changing for a man. Of course. Couldn’t leave it to Penelope to pick a style dress SHE liked but no, only to suit the eyes of Colin. I may not like her but she needs some self confidence.

I’m so over Colin acting surprised that things have changed. Honestly, is he that close with any of his siblings? Sure, he banters with his older brothers but I hardly see them talking about anything other than his escapades or trivial matters. Now that he’s returned none of his siblings seem bothered that he’s back. Which I can somewhat sympathize with. But then again, him coming back after months away and feeling confused as to why things have changed gives away any sort of pity I had for him. If he was so concerned with what was going on back home, stay home then. It’s also not as though the relationship between Eloise and Penelope is any of his business anyway. Although for the benefit of the doubt, maybe this is his attempt at being a concerned brother and thoughtful friend.

Penelope can literally publicly trash talk Eloise under the guise of LW, her only friend mind you, but still feel entitled to have a say on who she’s friends with. If she was such an expert on friendship why is it that she is no longer friends with Eloise and has yet to make any more? Then to get so upset in public. Does she ever stop looking on the brink of tears?

I have to say, that green dress Penelope wore was IT. She was eating! I love it. Finally!!!!

Sigh… Penelope fumbled the bag once more. She’s finally in a flattering outfit only to not know what to say. It’s giving me second hand embarrassment. I can at least applaud her for trying.

Francessca can’t even talk about her own struggles without Penelope making it about her. Oh “You’re lucky for that” blah blah blah.

You know I would say something negative about her running out but that would invalidate her feelings so I’ll keep it on the low. I understand that being in a room full of people that you feel uncomfortable around is hard.

WOAH! “You miss me but you would never court me…” Girl, Colin is not obligated to love you. There are plenty of male-female friendships. Missing someone doesn’t equate to wanting to be in a relationship with them. I don’t understand why she’s acting so upset at the fact he doesn’t want her. He’s never given her any impression that he does. It would be one thing if they were exes or he was leading her on but neither is the case.

Has Penelope ever considered that perhaps that people just genuinely don’t like her personality? Changing clothes isn’t going to change your personality. She also fails to admit that changing her close did get more people to talk to her but oh no she has to play it off like she’s the victim once more.

How is admitting you won’t date someone cruel? Penelope knew that Colin doesn’t like her or else why wouldn’t he have courted her already. Just because she happened to hear him say it, that’s the final blow? Besides it’s not like he said it to her face, she was eavesdropping yet again.

Colin claiming to be a different man than he was last season feels unbelievable. What time have us as the viewers been with Colin to know that any of what he’s saying is true, much less Penelope. I feel like I have no emotional connection to Colin. We know far more about Penelope than him. I saw someone say that this is Penelope’s season and I have to agree. Despite my distaste for her, at least I know how she acts or why she behaves the way she does. Colin waltzes back into the picture and acts as though we should already know him.

This is going to be a major nitpick but Nicola blinks SO much in every scene. Like girl, I’m admittedly no actress, but you can display emotion without rapidly blinking.

I like that we’re seeing slightly more interactions with Brimsley and Charlotte. After watching Queen Charlotte I’m all for it.

Interesting that Colin feels so strongly about the lady Whistledown situation. I’m quite surprised, I wasn’t expecting him to care so much. This ought to be interesting. I wonder how Penelope will be able to talk herself out of this one.

#anti polin #anti penelope featherington #thoughts

9 notes · View notes

outsidereveries · 3 months

Text

career outlook for zb1's ricky for the next 3 years - achievements and controversies

achievements

in 2024, ricky seem to .. i wouldn't say not achieve any personal goals but there seems to be competition for individual activities he's fighting to have. i am personally unsure if it's related to at least 2 members fighting for the same one or that's ricky personally trying to fight to have these specific gigs he wants to have. for some reason i sense fashion ones, and from what i know about ricky it makes sense because that's his public identity (at least). it looks like the outcome will be in ricky's side and he will start to be active as individual person. apart from that, nothing else.

in 2025, the energy surrounding ricky (that's related to what he will achieve personally) is similar but more intense as it happens that for some reason (that i am unaware if it's related to jiwoong's scandal that happened recently or not) not only ricky will be in the same path as his but other members too. what i personally see is that there's big opponturity that will be given to ricky first and if he doesn't accept it, it will be redirected to another member. there seems to be warning if he decided to accept in the end as the environment surrounding the offer that will land might be safe for one person, but dangerous for another.

however, in 2026 everything for ricky will happen so fast and the options what can happen are just many. since we saw (before) that he will possibly leave yuehua, i do see 2 options - 1) he will reunite with some members from zb1, possibly the hyung line; alternatively, all members from yuehua can leave the company together and redebut in another, again, together, but i am unsure; 2) he will sign with another company alone (and it will make sense why the bottom card is this one) where he can do solo activities in the way he wants to. personally i sense redebut in which i am unsure if it will be in a group or as a soloist.

controversies

in 2024, there might be some gossip why ricky is going into the way he will go. i am rethinking my thoughts back and there are some missing points that i don't saw for what achievements he'll achieve - 1) ricky might fight for another type of gigs such as music-related ones, variety shows or even these who are back in china but the solo stans will want something else? 2) whatever ricky's trying to have, something else will be given towards ricky and there will be hashtags, again, for ricky to be treated better; 3) that'll also be related to these hashtags i meant but there might be offer that will be meant for ricky but wakeone will give it to someone else (and again there will be hashtags..) roughly, some sort of mistreatment in a way that it might not be an one. for the first thought, it's self-explaining. for the second and the third options, i do believe these ones will be chosen by ricky himself so there could be misunderstanding from zb1's fans and ricky's solo stans.

in 2025, the energy seems to be similar but even more chaotic. again, guys, ricky will want to do them and won't be forced at all!

on the other hand, in 2026 the controversy is related to the achievement/s he'll achieve. congratulations, ricky will redebut in a group! and will change companies ;)

#outsidereveries #career tarot #tarot reading #tarot #kpop tarot #kpop tarot reading #tarot kpop #kpop #kpop reading #tarot reading kpop #celebrity tarot #zb1 #zerobaseone

13 notes · View notes

touloserrrr · 9 months

Text

Since I am totally very normal about Six… I have decided to overanalyse all the lyrics: Don’t Lose Ur Head

Grew up in the French Court

Initially I thought this meant Boleyn was French, but a simple google search actually reveals she was born in England, but did part of her education in France as a maid of honour (lady in waiting) to the French queen.

Oui, oui, bonjour

“Yes, yes, hello” in French to indicate her upbringing.

Life was a chore so (she set sail)

1522 came straight to the UK

Boleyn returned to England that year to marry a distant cousin. This was planned simply in the interest of her family for some land.

All the British dudes, lame

Epic fail

This engagement was broken off at some point, though there is nothing to suggest a specific reason. This has left Boleyn a single woman in England.

Ooh, I wanna dance and sing

This could be a reference to her character in the musical as she had become a singer here, however, this could also reference the fact Boleyn was known for singing and dancing rather well.

Politics, not my thing

Ooh, but then I met the King

Boleyn became a maid of honour to Catherine of Aragon, which led to her meeting Henry. In 1526, he became interested in her and attempted to seduce her.

And soon my daddy said, "You should try and get ahead"

Might be about trying to get ahead of her sister Mary Boleyn, who was Henry’s past mistress but nothing more. Additionally, this line sounds like “get a head”, hinting at her eventual loss of a head.

He wanted me, huh, obviously

Messaging me like everyday

This is of course as in sending letters, but could be a parody of the trope of the cheating husband messaging his lover on his phone every day and having to be secretive about it to his wife.

Couldn't be better, then he sent me a letter and who am I kidding

I was prêt-à-manger

I do not speak any French so had to use google translate; “ready to eat”. I was confused at first why this line would be used, but I figured it may be one of these possibilities: could be literally referring to royal food as Henry was very wealthy and ate better than anyone else at the time; ready to eat up all of the love she is given; or it could be a sexual innuendo.

Ooh, sent a reply

Ooh, just saying hi

Ooh, you're a nice guy

Surface level, seems like Boleyn is saying she believed Henry was a decent man. However, overanalysis kicks in! This possibly could be a reference to the modern use of the term “nice guy”; a man who acts nice to a woman but believes he is entitled to something, so if something does not go his way, he flips.

I'll think about it maybe, xo baby

Here we go

(You sent him kisses)

I didn't know I would move in with his misses

Boleyn, Aragon and Henry were living in the same palace due to Boleyn’s position in court, but later she was moved to her own lodging to be closer to Henry.

(What?)

Get a life

You're living with his wife?

Like, what was I meant to do?

Once Henry made up his mind, the woman in his life had little control over the next events. This is later proven in ‘I Don’t Need Your Love’. Boleyn did not have many options in her situation.

Sorry, not sorry 'bout what I said

Boleyn was known to have some rather controversial things (at the time) when angered, one of the most notable examples being “Ainsi sera groigne qui groigne”, which means “Let them grumble; that is how it is going to be”, this being her motto. This line could possibly also be about the things she said to Henry which led to him annulling his marriage with Catherine of Aragon, and becoming supreme head of the Church of England.

I'm just tryna have some fun

Don't worry, don't worry, don't lose your head

To ‘lose your head’ means to lose self-control or panic, but it also obviously refers to the fact that Boleyn was beheaded, so she literally was the one to lose her head.

I didn't mean to hurt anyone

LOL, say oh well

The use of modern language that has been popularised with social media contrasts with the time period these events took place. Additionally, this language is rather casual, so it shows the character’s attitude to the whole situation.

Or go to hell

This is another major contrast - the line before this was rather innocent-sounding, and suggests she had no ill-intent, yet this line is the complete opposite as the Tudor times were very religious so this would’ve been taken rather seriously.

I'm sorry, not sorry 'bout what I said

Don't lose your head

Three in the bed and the little one said

This is a reference to the famous (at least in England) nursery song ‘Ten In The Bed’. In this bit the character of Boleyn points to herself in reference to “the little one”, which could also be highlighting how Anne Boleyn was around 10 years younger than Henry, and more than that than Aragon.

If you wanna be wed, make up your mind

Her or me, chum

The letters Henry sent to Boleyn indicate she refused to sleep with him for most of their relationship before marriage, likely because it was looked down upon if a woman wasn’t a virgin before marriage. This likely was a factor in why Henry decided he wanted Boleyn to be more than just another one of his mistresses.

Don't wanna be some

Girl in a threesome

Are you blind?

Ooh, don't be bitter

Ooh, 'cause I'm fitter

This shows a sort of conflict between Aragon and Boleyn, which may represent how civilians of England would show support to different queens (mainly Aragon) as a new queen was a rather large change at the time.

Ooh, why hasn't it hit her?

He doesn't want to bang you

Somebody hang you

This might refer to a quote by Anne Boleyn, where she said would “rather see her hanged than acknowledge her as her mistress”.

Here we go

Your comment went viral

This is relevant to social media today how certain things can ‘go viral’, and can lead to cancel culture, like how Boleyn became hated by most of England, mostly because Aragon was a beloved queen.

I didn't really mean it but rumours spiral

Wow Anne, way to make the country hate you

As I stated before, Boleyn was hated and unpopular with a lot of the English population, and that led to some riots against her.

Mate, what was I meant to do?

Sorry, not sorry 'bout what I said

I'm just tryna have some fun

Don't worry, don't worry, don't lose your head

I didn't mean to hurt anyone

LOL, say oh well

Or go to hell

I'm sorry, not sorry 'bout what I said

Don't lose your head

Tried to elope

But the pope said nope

At first Henry actually asked the pope to annul his marriage with Aragon in order to marry Boleyn, but this was obviously refused. Henry had the court meet to discuss this matter, but nothing really went from there. The two of them ended up getting married in secret.

Our only hope was Henry

He got a promotion

Henry pushed the Act of Supremacy, which made him the supreme head of the Church of England. This meant the pope held no religious authority over England, and he did divorce Aragon as he had wanted for a long time, not only because of Boleyn, but also because he wanted a son.

Caused a commotion

Set in motion the C of E

The C of E is just a shortened phrase that refers to the Church of England, whom Henry was the head of.

The rules were so outdated

This likely refers to how many times Henry’s annulment to Aragon was denied, which didn’t allow for Boleyn and Henry to marry.

Us two wanted to get x-rated

In order to sleep with one another, couples were expected to marry first, so this line is a reference to that.

Soon, ex-communicated

Everybody chill, its totes God's will

Boleyn was a Catholic and was rather religious, but not as religious as some of the other queens.

Henry's out every night on the town

Just sleeping around, like what the hell?

Henry was known to have lots of mistresses during his marriages, and his marriage to Boleyn was no exception. She already knew he used to sleep with her sister while he was married to Aragon and had a son with another woman. Historical sources claim that he had started courting Jane Seymour during this marriage.

If that's how it's gonna be

Maybe I'll flirt with a guy or three

Boleyn was known to be rather flirtatious and was later charged with adultery. One of the men believed to have been a lover of hers was Mark Smeaton, who confessed to this accusation, however, this was likely after being tortured or promised freedom, so it is difficult to say if this was an accurate accusation. There were a few other men who Henry claimed Boleyn had romantic affairs with, but there is not that much evidence for those, which is why historians often theorise Henry made up these charges in order to get rid of his wife in order to marry Seymour.

Just to make him jell

Henry finds out and he goes mental

He screams and shouts

Like so judgemental

You damned witch

Boleyn wasn’t actually charged with witchcraft, but a lot of people over the years spread the rumour of her being a witch, claiming she had a sixth finger - and deformities like this were associated with witchcraft in the past. There is no real evidence to suggest she did have this.

Mate, just shut up

Women weren’t expected to stand up to their husbands, so Boleyn telling Henry to “shut up” would have been very much looked down upon.

I wouldn't be such a b-

Throughout the entire musical, curse words are censored mostly by the other queens interrupting.

If you could get it up

Here we go

(Is that what you said?)

And now he's going 'round like off with her head

(No)

Yeah, I'm pretty sure he means it

(Seems it)

Of course, this is referring to how Henry decided to have Boleyn executed, specifically by beheading. The phrase “off with their head” became popularised by Lewis Carroll, who published his original books on Alice in Wonderland, which is said by the Queen of Hearts.

What was I meant to do?

(What was she meant to do?)

Like what was I meant to do?

(What was she meant to do?)

No, but what was I meant to do?

Sorry, not sorry 'bout what I said

I'm just tryna have some fun

Don't worry, don't worry, don't lose your head

I didn't mean to hurt anyone

LOL, say oh well

Or go to hell (she's going to hell)

Sorry, not sorry 'bout what I said

Sorry, not sorry 'bout what she said

Sorry, not sorry 'bout what I said

Don't lose your head

Haha sorry

In a fit of anger, Boleyn would say things she regretted, which is reflected by the fact she apologised only at the end.

EXTRA: After this song, the character of Boleyn attempts to perform a solo song titled ‘Wearing Yellow To A Funeral’. This is a reference to how after Catherine of Aragon died, Henry was happy to hear the news, and attended her funeral with his new wife Anne Boleyn. They were both wearing yellow, which was a colour that symbolised mourning in Spain (Aragon’s country of origin), but joy and celebration in England.

#six #six the musical #anne boleyn #overanalysis #musicals

21 notes · View notes