#and i am REALLY hoping they say yes because i would love to take facebook's money and give it to under-represented artists

[aurosoul]

I finally met the founders of Figmin XR in person!!!!!! 💖💖💖

their names are Astra and Javier, they are a husband & wife duo, and their home is JUST as magical and tech-filled as you would expect from the creators of a futuristic, hologram-based sandbox application. every room was a mix of nature, technology, and childlike wonder. (they are also parents, and their kids use XR sometimes too!)

I got to try basically every cutting-edge XR headset that exists during my visit, and witnessed two of the most reality-breaking things my brain has ever been faced with:

1. with both of us wearing augmented reality headsets, Javier (pictured center in the first photo) pulled an animated gif out of thin air and handed it to me - just with bare hands. no controllers required. it was BEYOND surreal to be physically HOLDING a GIF. a GIF!!!!!!!!!!

and 2. I got to use ‘spatial mapping’ (AKA room scanning) in-headset. depth-sensing lasers & cameras around my eyes scanned the topography of everything I looked at, overlaying a green Matrix-style pattern onto everything in my field of view. I felt like a human scanner, and once the scan was complete I could project SHADOWS from virtual objects onto every real surface around me.

I spawned in an adorable virtual giraffe toy, and it was extremely brain-breaking to have a virtual object cast perfect shadows onto a wall, or a couch, or an end table, IN REAL TIME as I was moving it around. with shadows added, my brain fully accepted that the giraffe was a real object physically in the room with me.

ANYWAYS it was wonderful seeing all this cutting-edge tech used specifically for PLAY - and education, and accessibility, and bringing people together IRL, and paying artists, and assisting with everyday tasks, and just....... MORE good things! Figmin XR is built with such an optimistic view of the future, and it is forever going to be an honor that I get to contribute to it in such a significant way.

the future is not all bad. there are plenty of good things still happening, and being created, and yet to exist!!!

#incessant meowing #long post #me #picture journal #also SHOUTOUT TO MY SIBLING FOR TAKING THIS PIC HEHE #i brought them along just for fun and we became the first two artists to ever use figminxr room-scale multiplayer together in the same room #just casual historic tech moments happening willy nilly....... no big deal #anyways i am rambling as usual but i'm just EXCITED!!!!! #i have HOPE for the FUTURE and feel grateful that i'm working with people who have heartfelt goals! and who aren't in tech for the money!! #we are trying to get facebook/meta to sponsor our residency program #and i am REALLY hoping they say yes because i would love to take facebook's money and give it to under-represented artists #the next artist resident i hope to choose is a children's media author who also works in vr :) her work is kind and inspiring #anyways god these people need to have articles written about them. javier especially #figmin xr as a software has already made into into a big facebook article but people deserve to hear about it from his words i think #his life story is fascinating and it felt like being at a ted talk listening to him talk #they deserve all the success they've achieved so far AND MORE

[thenightling]

“The Oldest Game”

   I was surprised to find someone in my Sandman Facebook group actually complaining about “The Oldest Game” in The Sandman Netflix series (episode 4).  They seemed disappointed that it wasn’t a “Real” battle but instead it was “like watching them play Dungeons and Dragons.”  Meanwhile the majority of us Sandman fans loved the scene.  When I first read that scene that was when I knew I was reading something truly different from the usual DC content.  I was reading something truly special.          To the person complaining about it, I am afraid The Sandman might not be to your taste.  There is very little physical combat and scenes like The Oldest Game / “I am Hope” are what hooked a lot of us.

       The Oldest Game is based on something TV Tropes (and The Sword in the Stone) calls a “Wizard’s Duel” or a Wizard Duel.  The concept turns up a lot in folklore and mythology.  It’s where two magical entities (sometimes sorcerers, sometimes Gods, sometimes shapeshifters) have a duel of wits and creativity using their powers and imagination.   There’s a similar trope called the Transformation chase and there is an overlap but the transformation chase usually requires there being a chase.  You see a sort of single-person transformation chase in Dungeons and Dragons: Honor Among thieves.  

     In The Sandman this battle was for Morpheus’s helm.  If he won he got his helm back.  If Morpheus lost he would have been enslaved by Choronzon The Demon.

     Here’s how the game usually works. The challenged usually gets to make the first move. They pick a form or a spell and it is usually non-lethal.  You’re supposed to start small and build up to bigger / more imposing things.  The battle follows TBL (Turn based Logic) like in a tabletop or online text based role playing game. So the Dungeons and Dragons comparison isn’t actually wrong so much as it’s not quite the right role playing game.  (Yes, I AM a nerd. Thank you for noticing.)  

     After the first move is made the opponent may take the hit and then make an offensive move (attack) in return or instead of taking the hit, they can make a defensive counter move to avoid taking the hit but in doing so the person loses the opportunity to make a offensive move.  If you’re clever you can sometimes get away with a single move that does both but that is tricky.   So the choice is usually take damage and attack or protect from damage and not attack until the next turn.  The game is usually about “one upping” the opponent so you go for something slightly bigger and better than what they used.  

     In some versions of the game you are allowed to defend yourself and then make an attack move during the same turn so you don’t have to make the choice of defense or attack. In both variations, if you’re clever enough you can come up with a combo of attack and defense in one move but that’s rare.  

      Usually it’s like this.  If your opponent throws a magical dart, you can create a shield or shoot a similar projectile but in some variations you can do both if you can pull it off in a single concept (like creating an armored knight holding a sword and shield). If the rival turned into a rat, you can turn into a cat.  Hopefully you get the idea.  You can’t go too big too fast or the creativity and strategy the game is known for is lost.  It’s a game of wits and creativity after all, not really brute force.   

     Recently I have seen some people try to argue that during the Lucifer and Morpheus version of the duel that Despair can kill Hope and that Lucifer could have won if she was willing to say she is Despair.  No, that may have just caused an unhappy stalemate because pretty much everything that can destroy Hope can also be destroyed by Hope.  Hope kills Despair as surely as Despair kills Hope.  They are two sides of the same coin after all.  It would just be an infinite loop at that point.  However there is also the argument that Hope springs eternal while Despair is always only temporary, depending on your perspective.  

      I have provided three pop culture examples of The Wizard’s Duel.   The first is the version in Netflix’s The Sandman between Lucifer and Morpheus.

The second is from Disney’s Sword in the Stone between Mim and Merlin.  

The third is from the 1963 film The Raven starring Vincent Price and Boris Karloff.  I have a bias in favor of this one since I love this movie. It was written by the late Richard Matheson, directed by Roger Corman, and starred Vincent Price. It came out the same year as Disney’s The Sword in the Stone.    

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iZOwaeAEIw0

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WxqhjWcS8zQ

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q2gBhMdJ23Q

#The Sandman #Sandman #The Oldest Game #Wizard's Duel #Wizard Duel #Morpheus #Dream of The Endless #Lucifer Morningstar #Neil Gaiman

[turtlecleric]

assumption - others have said in need of a hug (yes true) but also,

may not have been praised in the way that you deserved growing up and instead others tried to dim your light because they were envious or wanted to see you fail (->im here to tell you they suck ass. you're everything and more; skilled; determined; worthy; and i love you so so much and i am so so proud of you)

Did you know that I would die for you? Did you know that I love you so goddamn much? Did you?

This is way too much personal info that no one actually cares to know, probably, but. I'm sort of avoiding work on purpose at the moment and I'm having a really rough day. Who needs therapy when you have asks on Tumblr to rant in? (I'm joking, to be clear. Actual therapy is so valuable and important if you manage to find a competent professional who clicks well with you. The only reason I stopped going is because of Covid, time, and money.)

Warning: VERY long vent ahead, please do not feel obligated to read or respond

My dad was really good about praising me in ways that felt genuine, actually, though that made the times he /was/ upset with me all that much worse. My dad isn't perfect, and he's done some things and said some things that I'll never forgive, that I'll never be able to forget, but I would also do anything for him. I know he's there for me when I need it, I know he'll answer when I call, I know that he actually cares about me. He and maybe like two cousins are the only family I would never be able to cut off.

My mom... I guess it was just sort of the baseline bare minimum expectation that I would do things well, so when I /was/ praised it was just like... oh, good job sweetie! Proud of you! But it didn't feel... I don't know how to describe why but... I don't know. Now, when people tell me I do things well I always have that voice in my head that's like "they're just being nice, they don't actually think it's all that great, they expected you to do a much better job than this, actually, why did you even bother sharing? Why did you think this was something to be proud of?" I read way too far into things, interpreting neutral reactions, or even positive reactions that aren't as enthusiastic as I might have hoped for, as proof that people are simply being nice and don't really like what I do or make or say all that much. I always get stuck in this mindset that I'm not allowed to create mediocre content, like it all has to be Excellent or else it's Terrible.

I also remember in high school, posting some drawings on Facebook that I was really proud of. Two drawings, one with hands in chains and cut up and the other with healed hands glowing with holy light and cradling a cross. It was supposed to show the difference between life without God and life with God (I was... VERY religious as a teenager. I am now agnostic.), but she saw the first picture and freaked out, super pissed, yelling at me to take it down, to not embarrass her like that, because people were going to see that and think I was abused or depressed or something (haha... me? Depressed? Nahhhhh). And that was the moment when I knew I could never ever ever share anything even remotely dark with her, that if I ever were to express something that indicated I was anything other than good and happy and perfect then she would react similarly. She's also very judgemental regarding mental health, often made comments about how "people who are/do x are sick, there's just something wrong with them, make sure you stay away from people like that" while I'm sitting on the couch like... oof. That's me. So all my venting went to Tumblr where she couldn't see, and even now I mostly only vent on Tumblr and through writing. I have many wonderful friends that would gladly allow me to vent to them (I love you all so much I love you I love you I love you, thank you for being so kind), but I simply Cannot. I've had a friend before where it felt like all they did was complain, they were always so goddamn negative, and it became a chore to talk to them. I started to get angry every time they said or did something defeatist, I stopped enjoying talking or hanging out with them, and I refuse to be that person. Even if I'm told over and over that I don't come across that way, I'm so terrified of it that when I think about reaching out I start to think of that friend and about how I shouldn't bother people and I panic. Unless I've gotten to the point where I truly believe that nothing I do or say will ruin the friendship, then it's really hard to push through that fear. But that's so much harder than it used to be because I /did/ lose a friend that I thought I would have literally for the rest of my life, I was so 100% confident that we would be 80 years old still hanging out with each other and goofing around, so sure we could go through anything together and stay friends, I knew in my heart and soul that we would be friends until we died, and I was wrong. I was wrong. I also had a different friend who was always there for me, always praised me, always listened to me when I needed it and told me kind things and made sure I felt welcome and loved and viewed positively, and then he fucking assaulted me one night when he thought I was asleep.

Anyway. When I /did/ fail at things growing up, it was either punished more severely than necessary or straight up laughed at. Mom was very hot and cold, too, you could never tell what kind of mood she was going to be in that day. (She is still like this. It's well known in my family that you never know which version of her you're going to get.) Things are fine one moment and then suddenly I'm in trouble for something I didn't even realize I did wrong (like with the drawings), so I'm just. Terrified of not doing well enough at things, of disappointing people, of people being annoyed with me or upset with me over something I didn't even realize was rude or mean or wrong to begin with.

"Don't overstay your welcome; don't bother people" was pounded into my head. I can't express how often I start to say or type something and then think, "No one cares. Stop bothering people. You're being too much, you're being annoying, they're tired of you, just keep it to yourself." I'm working on it but. Yeah. Half the time I still just stop talking or backspace and stay quiet. Even typing this, I'm like... you should delete this. You're basically just begging for attention, and if anyone says anything about this to you then it'll only be because they felt obligated to and they're going to start seeing you as a whiny, pathetic, manipulative person, and they're going to get tired of you and roll their eyes every time you say anything, even if it's not you venting, or they'll see this and think about how stupid or weird it is for you to put this information out on the internet, and even this sentence right here is proof that they'd be right because you're aware of all these thoughts and you're still doing it.

But then another part of me thinks that if I can't even vent on my own blog on a post that literally no one is required to read that is also hidden under a readmore and clearly states that it's a vent post, then where /can/ I vent? And if someone else posted this, would I be this harsh on them? And what's so wrong with seeking attention and comfort? Why is that unforgivable in yourself but admirable in others? Why are you crying at work? Why aren't you doing your job? Why aren't you better? Why aren't you better?

#asks #I'll delete this later probably #fuck #anyway! back to work! #i have so much to do and not enough time to do it so. I'll be working late today. again.

[kanelia]

voitko vammainen lesbofobikko pitää turpas kiinni

So this lovely person obviously following radblr has just sent me anon hate in my own native language. The first one says "shut the fuck up, you retarted lesbophobe" and the second one says "heterophobia does not exist, idiot. Kill yourself".

The only person who has ever been spreading misinformation that this is what I think is menalez.

I would like to point out that what peaked me originally was observing how grossly lesbians were treated by TRAs and/or woke/progressive people who had claimed just few years earlier to care about LGB, women's rights and consent. I never was a TRA, but I observed rising pressure to block and isolate people who were accused of "transphobia" under the guise of "allyship" and "proving you were not a TERF bigot". All these people to be ostracised were women, and most of them lesbians who had just mere moments ago represented the groups whose rights and protection had been central to the progressive movement. Unlike most of the people, who I had previously admired and thought to be fair and kind, I finally decided to take a look at what these women actually had to say and make my own opinions (I warmly recommend this to anyone and not just in relation to what TRAs claim, but in relation to what anyone claims about someone else) and I was shocked of what I learned: Lesbians did not only have 100% valid concerns and criticism over trans ideology, but they also had been receiving r*pe threats from TiMs, seen their spaces being swarmed by men, the so called trans "lesbians", and the whole meaning of a female homosexuality been erased. All these things would have previously made "woke" circles extremely mad, but now their reactions were "lies, this never happens" and "lesbians have privilege over trans women blah blah blah".

Yes, I am a heterosexual, but I am also a woman and a feminist. Moreover, I recognise injustice when I see it, and I do not like to grind my teeth in silence. After this, I decided to start to share lesbians' concerns and experiences with anyone, feminist or not, who would listen. I would show up to support them whenever someone spewed nonsense or hate about them. Like I expected, I was very quickly blocked by my former feminist online acquaintances and kicked out of Facebook groups and forums I liked to read and make discussions on. This is how I decided to start following radblr.

Because almost no one besides lesbians has risen to resist the gender movement, I am quite often assumed to be a lesbian myself by TRAs. I have received really nasty lesbophobic comments and fantasies of sexual violence from TiMs. I am fully aware that lesbophobia is real and rampant, and heterophobia, as a societal phenomenon, is neither of those things. I have never claimed otherwise.

I have, however, criticised this one individual in radblr who has brought up my sexual orientation into a conversation in a derogatory way and also claimed that I am a secret lesbophobe who does not care about lesbians. No, her words are not an indication of that heterophobia is real, but they are an indication of abusive behaviour, behaviour that i have a right to be insulted for. My opinion is that acting this way is not right, no matter who does it or what their own "oppression points" are. This is actually what TRAs do: They claim trans identity trumps lesbians and gays and gives TRAs a justification to be abusive towards people who have committed the crime of "transphobia".

After a recent rather colourful conversation with menalez, I learned how much intrusive online abuse she has received during the years. I still do not think what she does is fair or right, but I think I can understand the reasons behind her reactions a bit better and sympathise with her. I do not tag her to this post to pick up a fight with her, but because I hope she could sympathise with me a bit as well and because i want to show her the consequences of what happens when someone with so many followers and with such a big platform in this community, makes someone else a target.

I also would like anyone who sees this post to reflect a bit of what kind of people orbit this tag. People like dear anon here have no other reason to be here than to spew their anger at anyone who has been marked as a punching bag. I have seen it happen to several other people here. You should try and imagine how this would feel to someone who is a teenager, autistic or already depressed. I can not believe I need to even remind grown ass women who call themselves feminists about this.

I have already pointed out on multiple instances after receiving anon hate from TRAs that for years, I have argued online with MRAs, far right supporters, and people who have just been general assholes. I have never before received messages wishing me to commit a suicide and the only ones sending me "kys" messages have been TRAs. Until now. Now i have received suicide wishes from TRAs, but also from someone who dares to call herself a radical feminist and claims to be on the opposite side of TRAs. Think about it.

This is really all I have to say about this.

#radblr #menalez #radblr receipts #radical feminism #radfem

[dieabadass]

Hearing my almost ex husbands voice screaming at me about what a piece of shit I am and how he believes I’m a super villian who constantly hacks into his phone/ emails whatever the fuckhearing him say that I try and copy the girl he cheated on me with about everything I post to try and be just like her in hopes that he will see it and make him wanna be with me cuz it reminds him of her and how I somehow also hacked into her phone and texted myself from her phone saying horrible shit to make her look like she was the victim in this whole thing is seriously so far from the truth and makes me WANNAFUCKNDIE.. at the same time kinda flattering he thinks I’m smart enough to do such a thing i wish I was that smart and I mean I am hella fuxkn smart but seriously ? What the fuc he’s a man obviously so he doesent know the wicked shit us girls are capable of doing and i take responsibility in being equally as wicked and petty but what wife would my act out to the childish immature girl who reminded me everyday that she was filling my shoes and stole my entire life with him and future hopes and dreams I ever wanted with my husband…. I mean he doesent even know that when I found out who she was and contacted her that we texted back and forth and she swore she wasn’t that type of woman and she thought it was repulsive that a married man would try and hit her up and just because he wrote her a long ass message on Facebook or Snapchat or whatever the fuck it was that didn’t mean she believed a word of it and felt sorry for him and that if anything they were just friends and that the only man/boy in this world was her son that she was trying to see again and be in his life again and was trying to change her life and go to rehab . I seriously started to feel bad for her honestly and told her if she ever needed a real friend that if she was really just my husbands friend then she could be my friend too she was in a bad state and situation at the time dealing with people constantly stealing from her and fucking her over. She also was fresh out of a toxic relationship with the father of her kids and was heartbroken , still madly in love with him and wanted to die. I felt like maybe just like m she needed a real friend too I sent her 50 bucks cause that’s all I had in my cashapp at the time and told her to use it to get whatever she wanted so she could go to rehab with some new stuff for a new start… in a weird way she reminded me so much of myself…. Little did I know she was far from a stranger and she had been in my life for many many many years but for some reason we never crossed paths. A wolf in sheep’s clothing Not only did I give her my respect for being so brave and strong for wanting a better life but not even 24 hours later , she not only was trying to have. Better life and change and get sober and go to rehabBut she was trying to do all these things with my husband the puppy (who the universe and good karma literally brought back to me) after my husband took her from me and then allowed this girl to take over and let her call her my baby’s new mommy and how she loved her new little life and family with them…. I mean just really cruel shit I didn’t deserve. … funny how karma works tho. And that all being said yes I was enraged with furry and wanted nothing more to seek revenge on this situation and looking back I’m ashamed I acted out and went on an app and posted a description of her and about the situation of my baby girl poppy roo being kidnapped from me, unfortunately for her I wasn’t the only one she wronged and as I was writing this post on this app about my situation there were a few other females there with me and wanted to also put there 2 cents in on about this girl . Unfortunately for me I didn’t proof read what was added and because it was in my account it ended up being a whole lot more then what I originally wanted to say. But that also being said after the girl and my husband saw it and called me all kinds of untrue things that I’m ABSALUTLEYNOT;I ended up showing the post to 2big homies&gave it the green light

Karma

#PART ONE : #my life #my truth #long live the queen #demons #fuck ya daddy #me #chaos #ugh #werefuckeditsfine #358

[ruminate88]

Truth About Narcissists Abuse Survivors

I know for me, I felt so bad about myself after. The way I was discarded by two different men whom I began to trust and believe they had my back, only to find out that they could care less about me. 😔😔😔

Heres a revelation I’ve had today:

When the narcissist is first drawn to you, it feels so random but truly they see something in you they want to have within themselves. They see you for who you really are (even though they wear a false face themselves) They mirror you during the love-bomb phase, so all that incredible “love” you felt, was all you. You have soooo much love in you!! After all, a relationship with a narcissist is one sided!

The narcissist will say to you, “I’m not worthy of your love” and “You deserve better.” They mean it honestly. That’s the one only honest thing you’ll get out of them. They’re actually paying you a compliment even if you don’t feel like it is one.

After I broke up with my ex, Andrew, who couldn’t repay all the love I gave him but he wouldn’t ever break up with me because he didn’t wanna lose all that I was giving him essentially… He said to me, “I thought you had your life all together.” BUT what he didn’t understand, is, I was in survival mode for years. I was busy taking care of everyone around me but me and I was fighting silently to stay in the game of life. I hadn’t given up and I was way stronger than I ever knew. 😳

What my ex said really stunned me. As I thought to myself, “Who really has their life all together?? Isn’t life about learning from your mistakes???”

Also I never realized the compliments my ex was giving me and the reason he treated me so poorly after we broke up was out of envy and his last attempt for control over me. I was his “care taker” for months. I gave him so much of my love and support. I got him through his sophomore year in college but I had neglected all my own needs for his. It was a great relationship, FOR HIM and ONLY HIM! He got to use me, only talked to me when he felt like it, cheated on me and lied to me like crazy, all while I waited at home for him every night, crying with my phone in my hands, begging him to text me and tell me he’s sober and safe…. (I cared soooo much about him)

I don’t regret being with him. He did teach me a lot about my self and how strong I actually am. That man sat with me during a suicide attack and told me how I “wasn’t well” and needed to make serious changes in my life and I needed to get help that “I had issues”. He made me look like I was the bad guy and he was the innocent one. I know he did it out of envy because he lied/cheated knowing I was 100% faithful, loyal and loved ALL of him even his flaws and he couldn’t understand why someone would be that way nor could he even accept it. He certainly couldn’t give me back any love or honesty.

He would continually say to me “you’re the sweetest girl I ever met”. Even when we were breaking up, he kept saying it. Maybe he meant it, maybe he didn’t. 🧐 Yes he treated me horribly but I realize his personality is poor and possibly he came from a toxic environment growing up that I knew nothing about!!! He hid me from his mother the whole relationship and got upset when I found her on Facebook. (There has to be a good reason why he hid me from her)

I hope this encourages anyone out there who’s been discarded, like me, by a narcissist. You’re stronger and more beautiful on the inside than you even realize! I know you feel so bad because you tried so hard to love them and they continuously rejected and neglected you. Just know they actually want to be more like you but feel they literally can’t. 🥺🥺🥺

#emotional abuse #narcissistic abuse #self healing #unpacking #my story #self awareness #healingjourney #narcissism #online relationships #heartbreak #trauma bonding #love bombing #discarded #narcissistic personality disorder #inspirational #motivational #overcoming narcissistic abuse #overcome suicide #overcome depression #self help #encouraging words

[kayura-sanada]

I'm curious what your thoughts on the Exiled Prince dlc? Do you think it's worth buying?

Okay. Okay, so you're talking to someone who played Dragon Age 2 all the way through before the DLC came out, then played it again afterward. So I'm actually going to compare some things here that anyone who came into the game with both at the same time might not know.

The first time I played DA2, I was completely thrown by what Anders did. I'd been in the mindset of 'something's going to happen to make me finally take Meredith down, because this is a video game,' and when that something happened, it happened in a way I didn't expect, and it threw me. I was in a state of shock when I first played the game, and I found myself having a sudden influx of reactions from the characters I'd grown to love, all of them demanding a response. Yet after they all spoke, I got to speak one-on-one with Anders. I got the chance to listen to him.

Yet I was in such shock that I honestly felt as if I'd missed crucial pieces of information. My ability to logic things out and think critically had taken a serious blow. (Yes, I sound ridiculous, but Dragon Age sucks me in completely, wholeheartedly, which is what I ask for from stories and what I will always positively respond to.)

So when the DLC came out and I realized I had something new to add to the story, I was hyped not only to see the new content, but to go back in and really think about what's happening in the world, not with the idea of the world being a video game but with the idea of it being real. And I did so hoping to really get to listen to Anders and hear everything he had to say to me.

And then. Sebastian.

He was the only thing added, by the way. A character who looked good - and indeed, that's mostly what I hear from his fans, that he's good-looking and a prince - but had a personality that immediately grinded on my last nerve.

Okay, so. Let me also say that I am an atheist, and I also was an admin on a Facebook page for some years, and I've dealt with a lot of proselytizing.

So here was a new character, the only one who romanced only one gender in the entire game, and the first thing I learn about him is that he wants to become a priest because he thinks that will affect more lives than him becoming king.

I just.

Unfortunately, the beginning of his story isn't strong, since he just asks you to clear out some groups of enemies and nothing really happens in the first act. In the second, we get a little bit more from him, and I pushed him into becoming king because obviously you can affect more lives that way!

But, uh. Hmm.

Anyway, he ignores me and says he's going to become a priest because he's gotten his revenge and doesn't want anything more, so gee, why even both asking, Sebastian.

But you know what? All of this didn't turn me off to him as a character. It was interesting to listen to his extremely anti-mage, proselytizing, sanctimonious drivel, because I like to learn the arguments of my enemies and again, I don't need the character to agree with me for me to see the worth in them as a character. (Though I'll admit, when I heard him say a child was murdered by a magister so Fenris could see it and want to stop it made me see red.) I consider him to be the voice of the Chantry, spouting off about helping others while also talking about how mages should all be killed.

But.

Man, when that Chantry blew up and Sebastian started wailing, I understood where he was coming from. This was the voice of the victim that I wanted to hear.

But damn. Not that much.

I went to Anders, looking forward to this above all else. He started talking to me, and I was all ears, wanting to understand.

But Sebastian. Would not. Stop screaming.

"I know what I did was wrong. There's nothing you can say to me that I haven't already said to myself."

"Why?!?! Why, Maker, why?!?! Elthina was a good person!! Why?!?!"

"I asked her to do something. I asked her to help-"

"Kill him! Kill him now! Stop talking to him! Why are you listening to him? He obviously deserves to die!"

"But she didn't listen. Meredith has gotten away with-"

"Stop talking to him! Kill him or I will! You will die for this, Anders! I'll become a king and send an army to Kirkwall (thus causing at least as much innocent death as I condemn you for causing)!"

Me at this point: Shut. UP!!!!

Anyway, there was a hilarious picture someone made that I sadly can't find anymore, in which Sebastian makes his "either kill him or I'll do it" quote, and their Hawke responds, "then I'll uninstall you.

"Stupid DLC."

And, uh. That's kind of my opinion on it, too.

(tl;dr: I didn't like the DLC, but I value anything I can get from Dragon Age and its worldbuilding, so I would say it's worth watching but probably not spending much money [or any money, preferably] on. It's brought up a few times in DA:I, and you might have some 'aha! That's a reference to Sebastian!' moments, but you can live without that. Trust me.)

#nonny #response #i know you asked about the DLC but this basically became my excuse to complain about Sebastian #lmfao #sebastian vael critical #dragon age #dragon age 2 #da2 #long post #VERY long post

[lizzygrantarchives]

GQ, September 19, 2011

"My look? I'm going for 'I live in Monaco but don't f*** with me'," laughs Lana Del Rey. A delightful combination of wide-eyed naivety and trash-talking savvy, the 24-year-old New Yorker (born Lizzie Grant) is dressed in vintage high-waisted jeans by Versace and a folksy horse-print jumper when GQ.com meets her in London's Soho. Currently riding a colossal wave of hype thanks to viral hit "Video Games", Del Ray is slowly adjusting to her life in the spotlight: "I'm always just surprised when someone writes something about me" she says guilelessly. Here she talks about admiring Kurt Cobain, dancing like Snoop Dogg and asking the "invisible whoever" for advice...

Which question are you bored of answering already?

I'm a little embarrassed by the "gangster Nancy Sinatra" thing. That was supposed to be a joke. No one listened to anything I did for eleven million years so I put all this stuff up on my Facebook page, [but I was] just kidding. You know how these things happen - if a big blog prints something about you then everyone just takes it. I remember one day I had eleven Google Alerts about it…

Are you more comfortable with the whole David Lynch association?

I would have been more comfortable with it if it had been something that was only mentioned a few times. But of course the David Lynch tip is not a bad way to go, is it? I didn't really know he was an influence but when I was 17 I kept singing in bars and everyone kept coming up to me saying, [adopts quizzical hipster tone] "Are you a fan of David Lynch?" I looked it up and realised that basically everyone thinks I'm a f***ing weirdo. I think it was because I was singing about disturbing things while being sort of happy.

Can you describe the way you dance?

I drop it like it's hot. You should come to my show. My dancing is Hawaiian-inspired but I also get a little fresh when it comes to my faster songs. I get down. Literally. You'll see. [laughs]

Which British man do you think has great style?

I would have to jump on the Mark Ronson bandwagon. [adopts indeterminate "British" accent] He always looks really noice.

Which lyric are you most proud of?

There was an older song that you've never heard called "Pawn Shop Blues". [sings] "In the name of higher consciousness / I let the best man I met go / Because it's nice to love and be loved but it's better to know all you can know." Because I remember I'd met someone so special and famous but I knew he wasn't enlightened about how to be a good person. I knew it would get in the way of me becoming a nice person. That's a difficult choice to make.

What's your hangover cure?

I don't drink. I used to a long time ago. I used to drink a lot, but that was seven years ago now. It's something I still think about all the time but I'm much safer without it.

How did you meet this famous person?

Um, it was in a self-help group. [laughs]. He wasn't that famous. I just thought he was famous…

TV famous or movie star famous?

Rock star famous. Just middle of the road ish. To me he was famous because I didn't know anyone who was wildly recognisable. I remember thinking it was exciting at the time.

Do you get chatted up a lot?

By boys, you mean? Yes! I do. [giggles]

Do they hope you're going to sing about them?

Maybe so. I think the musicians do. The rest of them just hope I'll be their girlfriend. [squeals with delight] People are really talkative in New York. Someone always comes up to me and says hi during the day. I always say, "Oh, it's nice to meet you, thank you, but I'm actually married." Then I've had a lot of people say, "But are you happy?" I think that's the creepiest question. It's funny, but nothing is f***ing sacred!

You're a huge Nirvana fan. How exited are you by the Nevermind reissue?

Well, I'd have to say I'm not that excited because I already have everything. Bootlegs? No, I have all the stuff regular people would. But I mean, on a scale of one to ten how excited am I about ever having heard them and loving them? Just off the charts. Come to think of it, the first music video I ever saw was "Heart-Shaped Box" on MTV when I was eleven. It wasn't even the music at first, it was just him. [deep breath] Him is enough - totally. [smiles]. Two nights ago I watched Live At Reading, which I never saw [before]. I was sitting there watching it with my friend. It's weird when you see something that you have never seen about someone you love. It's like finding a gem. You don't want it to end.

Can you recommend a good book?

Think And Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill - that will help you. I'm listening to audio books now. I've actually been listening to newscasts on this new movement in biology of creating human life through synthetic chemical compounds. I couldn't believe that was really happening.

What's the oddest request you've had from fans?

I've gotten strange messages. I've had people be really persistent - asking me where I'll be all the time and can they come and just meet up. You know, you get it all. But it was kind of the same fanbase for a really long time since I was 17. I can honestly say it's only in the last three months that there have been more people at all who have listened to me. There are new fans out of nowhere, which is strange. I've gotten poetry - it's good too. Are there lots of "sweater / better" rhymes? No, that's all me. [laughs] I can't believe that's the one you like.

What was the first hip-hop record you became obsessed with?

The first Biggie Smalls track that I really loved I would say, just like everyone else, was "Juicy". I realised what cool was. I wasn't that young - I was 15 and my best friend at school, who is still my best friend today, was actually my teacher. He was a white English teacher who played basketball and listened to hip-hop. I didn't know what everyone thought was cool. He played Biggie Smalls for me in his car. I didn't really know that there was that space for storytelling in songs. I thought, "Everything I thought I could do, I was right about." You could keep it really smart. Some of the people I met were pretty traditional and I was [already] singing some sort of weird things pretty young.

The video for "Kinda Outta Luck" features a number of well-dressed men. What should every man have in their wardrobe?

I guess it does - I've never thought about that! That's a good question. I go for almost everything because I'm jumping worlds a lot. I like a good suit - Scott Disick-style. I like the whole pocket-square style but I also like getting back to basics - the wife-beater and jeans.

What's the most important item on your rider?

I don't have a rider. [giggles] I'm not that demanding. In New York I pretty much live in diners - I order French Fries, Diet Coke floats and lots of coffee. In New York, The Waverly is a good place to be if you want to relax because of its big, sparkly red booths.

Have you ever fired a gun?

Only a few times. I'm much worse than I thought. My uncle takes me to the shooting range sometimes - just a rifle and a handgun. It's really loud too. Last time the shells were flicking back and skimming my face - I thought, "Jesus Christ!" I think if I was a little stronger I'd get into it.

How many tattoos do you have?

I only have one. [reveals small design on her hand] It was scarily unpainful. I looked away and then looked back and it was there. I thought, "You can do a lot of bad things in one second that you can't take back." I did it five years ago. I think by the time I die I'll only have one more.

What music do you love that would surprise people?

I don't have that many guilty pleasures because I don't like that many things. It's hard to say what people think of you - my tastes haven't changed. I've listened to the same thing since I was 15. I've been listening to film scores lately because that calms me down. Particularly Thomas Newman's score for American Beauty - it's just sick.

You're up on the ceiling covered in roses?

Yeah, in my mind! [laughs]

How important is religion to you?

Like so many people, they always state the difference between faith and religion. The faith that I've come to find is a science of my own through lots of trials and errors. I've been through so many different walks of life that I've needed to ask a lot of questions that no human power can answer. I've had to seek a lot of guidance. I've had to pray a lot because I've been in trouble a lot. But it's not until you do that that you realise there are answers out there to be found.

What's the best piece of advice you've ever received?

To thine own self be true. Seek and ye shall find. There's a science to prayer, I would say. I think sometimes when you're really faced with a huge life dilemma or problem and you've turned to every sort of thing for answers, sometimes the last resort is to pray and to put out a question to the universe in your mind. Even when you put your question out there, you ask that invisible whoever "What do I do?" you sort of get answers; you forget the problem all over again.

Who, in your opinion, is overrated?

I wouldn't answer that even if I knew! Everyone? [laughs] I can think of many people. As Fran Lee said, "Just because you feel entitled to share your life with everyone doesn't mean you should do so." [pauses, smiles] Such a bitchy thing to say...

Originally published on gq-magazine.co.uk with the headline GQ&A: Lana Del Rey.

#2011 #GQ #Andy Morris

[itsmeautumn]

9 months postpartum. Let's talk about it.

9 months.

9 months have both dragged on and flown by at the same time.

9 months ago I gave birth to my beautiful baby girl. To say it has been all rainbows and daisies would be a lie. The whole postpartum thing is no joke.

I cried. A lot. For months.

For three months I just cried and robotically took care of my newborn daughter. I was counting down the days until she would be just a little older and I could have a break from the feeding on demand.

I had a postpartum visit over zoom 4 weeks after giving birth and was told I was physically able to do anything I want. You can’t say that for certain over a video call.

3 1/2 months in I realized I was in shock. I only started to notice, because my daughter started sleeping a little more so I had time to think a little. I felt like breastfeeding was a chore and I did not have this amazing bonding experience with it that I have heard others have.

I always made sure, to be honest out loud about how I was feeling because I know it’s not always safe to keep it bottled up.

I tried to seek help. My OB told me it sounds like I had PTSD/trauma from birth and I should find a therapist but didn’t offer to help. I called the Postpartum Support International hotline. I contacted 4 therapists’ offices and was ghosted by all of them. Yes, ghosted. They would let me know they were in-network, ask if I wanted to schedule, then never respond to my emails, Facebook messages, or voicemails.

I felt like I was screaming and no one gave a shit.

When my daughter was about 5 months, I finally found a therapist. Therapy was pointless. At least with my therapist. I could have worked through my experience better with my friends and a glass of wine. For 2 months she only asked questions, and never helped me fix how I was reacting to things, or helping me understand what was going on.

At 7 months I went to see my primary doctor and only then did I get someone to care about what was happening. I was given depression medicine and a list of therapists that specialized in birth trauma.

I’m now 9 months postpartum and I feel like I’m on the other side of things now. Only because a doctor finally listened and helped me after months of trying.

I say all of this because what moms have been screaming for years seems to be true of my journey.

No one cares about us.

The thought crossed my mind to leave for 2 weeks. So I could comprehend what just happened. I thought I would come back and not feel like anything was a chore. I just needed to be alone and work through it all so I could come back and be at my best. I know that’s not a good sign, that’s why I got help.

Therapy didn’t work for me, but I am hopeful I will find a therapist that will. I feel so much more at peace now. The medicine has truly helped. I still am not a big fan of breastfeeding and I’m convinced it’s because of how I started the journey, and again, I’m confident I will not feel that way in the future if I have more kids of my own.

My daughter is the cutest little human ever and I love being with her and watching her learn, grow, and gain her personality. These past 9 months have been crazy and I am looking forward to what the rest of this parenting journey has in store for me.

If you have a mom in your life, make sure to ask how she’s doing, and listen. Sometimes saying that “you will miss this one day” really is not the right thing to say to someone who really isn’t enjoying a certain stage. It only makes them feel like crap for not enjoying it at all.

My 9 months of parenting wisdom:

It’s ok to not enjoy every stage.

Reach out to people for help and don’t stop until someone listens to you.

Say yes to the medicine.

Postpartum Support International is extremely helpful.

Taking a shower is not self-care it’s basic hygiene. You need both, you’re not being selfish.

Screaming into a pillow can be therapeutic.

You’re doing amazing.

-AutumnLynne

[marylandlifecoaching]

Who Are You Today?

Witch, CEO, business owner, coach, author...why not a freaking unicorn? Some of us change our "About" section on social media so much, that it can get confusing. Might as well say "It's Complicated". I am all for speaking something into manifestation. What I am not for, is self deception. And that's the great thing about social media. We can be anything we want to be. But the problem is that we sometimes don't believe it, nor do we work for it. And when it doesn't manifest, we get further down on ourselves and look at it as a failure. Stop that shit.

My love language is speaking life into people. I have a nearly 4 decade profession that attests to it. But what I fail at terribly is telling you a lie. I can recall early on in my career working with the dying. I struggled with telling people that they were terminal. That sometimes false hope was better than no hope. And on some level today, I still believe that. But I am not God. I don't know the future. Therefore, I have to rely on science. Does science get it wrong? All the fucking time. But here is the thing. I have watched more people die holding onto the promise of an afterlife via religion, than actually preparing themselves for the inevitable. Yes by all means make your peace with God. But don't forget to make your peace with your passing as well.

So who are you today? That witch, CEO or unicorn previously mentioned? Are you living as you say you are? Because when I look at social media, I see a whole lot of people saying things that may not be true, or are misleading. Again, there is nothing wrong with that. as long as it resonates with your soul. In other words, if someone met you and then later saw your social media, would it ring true? You don't have to prove anything to anyone. But you do need to live with yourself. And being clear about who you are, will certainly help.

I am reminded of a cartoon that I saw many years ago. A man walks into a job interview, and the man conducting the interview says," Your resume states that you are courteous, strong and a team player. He then proceeds to show the man he's interviewing, his own FaceBook page and says, "However, your profile shows you like Jack Daniels and are a little too comfortable showing your body off." I don't know about you, but that shit is funny. But sadly it is true. You can't take a weekend course on something and then claim to be an expert. I mean you can, but that is really misleading.

So what am I saying here? I'm saying be who or what you want to be. But don't lose yourself in deception. Our lives will unfold organically. And that's a beautiful thing. Social media is cool. And many times it ain't even social. People show you what they want you to see. So don't compare yourself to what you see on those platforms. Write your own story. Be true to it. You know the saying don't follow the crowd because they are lost AF? They are. Compete with your future self. That is how you arrive. Until then, honor your journey. Take social media with a grain of salt. And too much salt when consumed is really bad for you. So I ask you again. Who are you today? Own that shit, so no one can take it away from you. And that is how you open the doors to manifestation.

[servin-up-surveys]

survey #077

When was the last time you fell? A few months back when I fell getting out of the shower because of my shitty legs... Since then I've been using the walk-in shower with a shower chair and it's saved my fucking ass. Green or purple? Purple. Do you have a large or small backyard? It's very small. Do you like blueberries? I'm picky with 'em. Most of the time I don't like how soft they are, and sometimes they're not sweet enough. I do, however, very much enjoy things like blueberry muffins or pancakes, etc. I've actually been craving a blueberry muffin for weeks, lol. Is there a scar on your body that you can’t explain? I don't think so, no.

What would you say that most people know you for? Probably for how shy and quiet I am. And how much I love meerkats. What was a celebrity you liked as a kid? Steve Irwin was everything to me. I wanted to be like him so, so badly. I actually recently watched Crikey! It's the Irwins for the first time and I deadass teared up and wanted to just let myself cry. He would be so goddamn proud of them, all of them. Would you say you’re an impulsive person? My fucking mouth is and I hate it. I've really been trying to get better about it. What have you last been diagnosed with? Covid, which I no longer have thank god. Do you believe in psychic ability? No. Would you rather feel too much or nothing at all? Too much. I ALREADY feel too much and it's not pleasant, but feeling nothing at all... that is just awful. Have you ever had a conversation with a priest (etc.) outside of church? Uh, I don't think so. Do you have a dreamcatcher in your room? No. I don't believe they do anything and I also think they are OBNOXIOUSLY overused/hyped. Have you ever hyperventilated? Yes, more than once. What was your favorite book to read in English class? The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton. Are you looking forward to anything in the next week? Well we're trying to plan out a little party for Girt's mother's birthday I think this weekend, so I'm hoping we'll do that. If the guy you were planning on marrying had a ridiculous last name, would just just keep your own last name? I hate Girt's last name and I still plan on taking it, ha ha. I don't even think I wanna hyphenate, idk why... What’s the best Nirvana song? I think "Come As You Are," or maybe "Drain You," but there's a few real goodies. What was the last thing that impressed you? Hmm... I'm not certain. What do you think the best color combination is? I really like black and gold. What nationality is your last name? Irish. Would you rather control or be controlled in a relationship? How about fucking neither? Do you think trenchcoats are attractive on guys? YO trenchcoats are one of the hottest attire choices available, holy shit I love them. What’s your favorite kind of chips and dip? Hm, probably regular potato chips with french onion dip? That's real good. Is your bed soft or firm? This new one is in the middle; it's a Nectar memory foam mattress, so it gives, but not to a point you end up in a total hole. Does your mom know you do surveys? Only that I occasionally do them on Facebook, typically if I'm really bored at Ashley's while we're babysitting. She's adorable honestly, she likes reading them to learn about me, ha ha. Ever kissed someone’s hand? I know I have with Girt, I literally did the other day in the car, and I'm quite sure it happened with Jason over three and a half years... I also seem to remember kissing Sara's hand before. Have you purposely said something to ruin someone’s reputation? Well... technically, yes. But I didn't do it with the intent of just being mean, it was not a healthy secret to keep and was basically eating me alive. Have you ever ran for class president? Uhhhh... I don't think so? What is one name that you would never name your future kids? Blah blah, I'm not having kids, BUT if I did I would honestly worry that Girt's mom would want a Donald III and OVER MY DEAD BODY would I do it; I really don't like parents naming their KID after them, it seems so arrogant and full of themselves, plus I actually also hate the name Donald, ha ha. Don't tell Girt. When you think of Arizona you automatically think...? In this instance, I thought of the Arizona blonde/A. chalcodes tarantula, one that I really want. They're very pretty but also simple in their appearance. Have you ever been hiding under an alias? Nope. Do you live in your own little world? You definitely could say that, honestly probably to a detriment. What’s the last show you watched? Girt and I watched two more episodes of Extraordinary Attorney Woo the last time he was here. The second episode we watched actually made me cry. Do you enjoy learning? I honestly love learning, especially if it's something I'm passionate about. I've kind of been missing school lately BECAUSE I miss the learning experience. How often do you see your ex? Literally never. Have you ever punched a guy? I've never punched anyone. Your most recent ex says he/she hates you, you say? I already know she does. What are your earliest memories of going to see a doctor? Oh, THAT'S easy. I want to say the first time I was truly aware of what was going on, as I was preparing to get my blood drawn at the doctor, I deadass RAN out of the room screaming and crying and wrapped myself so tightly around a pillar that it required multiple adults to get me off and back into the room. Then when I actually got it done, I literally asked, "That's it?" lmao yeah that was an event. Have you ever had a migraine? Yeah, and it fucking sucked. What is your biggest mistake in life? I don't know man, I feel like I've made a lot... Is there someone you will never forget? I feel like even if god fucking FORBID I ever lose my memory with dementia or something, I CANNOT see myself forgetting Jason because of how traumatic that breakup was to me. Are you a type of person who cares what people say about you? Generally, yes. Too much. Have you ever gone snorkeling or scuba diving? If yes, what’s the coolest thing you’ve seen? No, but I would really like to one day. One of the coolest things my mom has ever done was dive with manatees and omg I am permanently envious of it. What was the reason behind the last time you wore a bandage? Earlier today because I had to get blood drawn for some lab work. I FINALLY saw the neurologist to discuss my tremors as well as explore whether or not my leg problems are actually nerve-related (we don't think so, but we're trying pretty much everything), and my veins were being difficult so they had to try both arms. It's honestly amusing JUST how much I'm being jabbed with needles lately, between this, the B-12 shots, my thyroid getting checked pretty much EVERY time I see a doctor... Have you ever been to a karaoke bar? I've never even been to a bar, period. Who is taller, you or your best friend? Girt is 6' and I'm literally just like, 5'4''... so him, ha ha. Which time zone do you live in? EST. Is your first language something other than English? No. What was the last thing to hurt on your body? My fucking legs, just from walking. When was the first time you ever listened to your favorite music artist? I've heard Ozzy since I was a kid, thanks to Mom; I apparently used to sometimes even ask her in the car to play "Perry Mason," which is still one of my favorite songs by him, ha ha. I first heard Rammstein because their song "Waidmanns heil" is featured in Guitar Hero: Warriors of Rock, and I was BIG into those games as a teen. Have you ever had mice in your house? It was a seasonal problem we sometimes faced when we lived in the woods. Do you take good pictures? I HOPE I do. I think so, usually. Have you ever been in a tornado or hurricane? Many hurricanes, but thank GOD I have never been present in an active tornado's exact vicinity. The closest I've ever gotten was when we had a tornado warning at my middle school where funnel clouds were nearby, and I remember we ended up having to stay past closing hours because it was too dangerous to let us go. I had a total fucking panic attack and I am LUCKY my mom worked at my middle school, because I went STRAIGHT to her classroom to stay calm. It's so babyish, I know, but when I'm in a dangerous situation, I want my fucking mom even still to this day because she has that mom magic of just making me feel safer. Which love story would you want your life to turn out like? I don't want the same love story as someone else, though. Which one of your exes do you feel like you have the most chemistry with? Jason. Do you share the same political views as your parents? I'm more left than both of them. I don't know very much about my dad's political compass, but I can pretty confidently call him conservative just by context clues. My mom is more open-minded than him, but she does still have some conservative viewpoints. Have you ever done any internship? I have not. Are you a mummy or daddy’s child? I'm closer to my mom and always have been, but I was also relatively attached to my dad as a child. I know I was closer to him when young than any of his other kids. How many siblings do you have? What are their names? I only really "count" five, those being Katie, Bobby, Misty, Ashley, and Nicole, but I've never met/know almost nothing about my dad's first daughter Tiffany. Quite frankly I don't think he does, either, other than she's schizophrenic. Are they older or younger than you? Only Nicole is younger than me. Do any of them live somewhere else? Only Ash and Nicole are here in NC/local; Katie lives in Kentucky, Bobby in Tennessee, and Misty in Ohio. I actually don't know where Tiffany is, if you wanna include her. Do you all get along? Yeah, for the most part. I know Misty and I have VERY conflicting outlooks on some things via Facebook, some that I feel very strongly about, but it's not something we argue over. If I'm being honest, my siblings and I don't really interact regularly enough to know how well we work together, blame that partially on everyone being spread out but also that I apparently don't know how to interact with people like a normal fucking human. Who are you closest to? Out of my siblings? Uh... I don't know, honestly. Do you ever wish you were an only child? Absolutely not. What are your siblings' jobs? Katie: I THINK she's still a cake decorator. Bobby: I actually have zero idea. Misty: she recently got her dream job (besides author), a librarian. Ashley: mammographer. Nicole: social worker relating to foster care. Do any of them have partners? Katie, Bobby, Misty, and Ashley are all married. Nicole recently started a relationship. Do/Have you ever baked with your grandmother? No. What do you call your grandparents? I honestly addressed both pairs as just "Grammy"/"Grampa." Are you close to all your grandparents? I was close to none of them, really... I only really had a relationship with my mom's mom, and I didn't like her. Have they all got grey hair? My mom's dad did before he died, and idr the ending hair colors of Dad's parents. Mom's mom always dyed her hair this ginger color, but I'm quite certain towards the end of her days she stopped. Is your partner (if applicable) male or female? He's a cis guy. Do you live together? No. Are they your "first" anything? Not yet anyway, he'll probably be the person I lose my virginity to but I'm not psychic. Do you know one of your best friend's major secrets? Well I have something in mind, but I don't actually know if he keeps it a real secret; it's something he's not proud of, but I don't know if he's technically *secretive* about it. Can you name five people that you used to be close to, but aren’t anymore? Explain why. Megan: she lied about... pretty much everything about herself, including regarding topics you DON'T fake shit about, and once I finally called her out for it, she dipped. Sara: I'm not okay with being friends with a Nazi among other political beliefs she has that really gross me out. Mini: once she decided to stop RPing, we just... drifted. Well, more like SHE did, if I'm being honest. I would still occasionally text and message her but she was very good at ignoring me. We follow each other on Instagram now, but that's pretty much it. Jason: I became too much for him and only made the issue worse by chasing him. Nicole: we drifted as we grew older. We shared a room as kids and did a lot together, but we just grew to very different people. I honestly don't even think she likes me anymore and hasn't for a long time. Are you wearing any perfume/cologne? No. What was the last compliment you gave to someone of the opposite sex? I expressed appreciation for Girt just being a supportive partner. Have you ever upset the person you love/like? I don't know with certainty, but it's possible. I mean, he wasn't happy when he showed up at the ER 'cuz I tried to kill myself, but that's a perfectly healthy reaction for someone who cares about you, I think... He didn't act *angry* of course, just very worried and sad. Have you ever kissed a picture of someone? I don't ever remember doing this. Have you ever been told that you were good in bed? Not those exact words, but the sentiment has been expressed. What’s your opinion on eating your own placenta after giving birth? Do you think you would? NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO that is the GROSSEST shit to me, I can barely believe it's even a THING. Have you ever seen your parents drunk? What was your reaction? Yes. My dad regularly was growing up and I thought it normal, so I didn't really have a reaction. My mom VERY rarely gets drunk but she's always super silly and laughs a lot when she is, so I feel sorta happy for her since she's not happy nearly as much as she deserves.

#survey #surveys #random questions #random surveys

[strawberrysweetcinnamon]

Hello,

I’m glad, that as you learn to make the perfect Cappuccino, all your attempts are yummy and you can enjoy them. 💚 i am currently drinking my Italian Roast coffee (k-cup). Yummy! It is a pretty morning.

Chen announcing a new mini-album! How wonderful! I enjoyed Xiumin teasing him to produce a dance song in the behind the scenes video of New Brand.

I enjoy kdramas. I will wait for a few more episodes of Soo’s new one before I watch it. I am glad to hear you enjoyed the first ep. Do you have any fav dramas?

Years ago, I remember watching “Hello Monster” and being captivated by a particular actor. I was new to EXO and had not realized that it was Kyungsoo. He did a very good job in that drama.

I am excited for Suho and his new drama. I know he really wants to act more so, yay!! for him. Have you watched any of Chanyeol’s dramas?

Do you have a favorite look or era of Chanyeol’s? I remember you mentioned you loved his Obsession Era. And any favorite photoshoots? I loved him with his Blonde/almost white undercut hairstyle in the W Korea photoshoot.

Have a wonderful week! Your ESS ❄️🎄

Oooh, Italian Roast sounds fancy! I admit I'm not much of a connoisseur or anything 😅 I ran out of milk today so I went to get a caramel latte from the bakery nearby and it felt good even just to breathe in the scent of it. ☕️

YES, I'm curious about the Chen mini album!! I admit I'm usually not a huge fan of ballads (I think I've said it before? 😅 not sure - and there are exceptions, of course) but I REALLY loved "Shall We", it was such a gorgeous song (I guess it wasn't a "typical ballad", either!). Wonder what his next title track is gonna be like! Argh, I haven't watched the behind the scenes videos from Brand New yet, though... But I remembered how someone (I think on Facebook?) pointed out how on the "wheel of fortune"(?? not sure what the correct English term is tbh) that you see in the Brand New MV, the symbols on it point to events in EXO's recent past (like rain for Suho's mini album and the 🎉 emoji for EXO's anniversary) - that person speculated that the symbols following were indicators for future EXO activities and the next symbol up was a cloud, which they speculated was for a Chen mini album. So it turned out to be correct! 😳 I'm so curious because the next symbols were wind (which would indicate... Sehun solo???) and a sun (which that person speculated was for Chanyeol - which I DO hope, he's been waiting for SO long - but I guess it might also be Baekhyun? Though his discharge is still some time away...).

Ahem, anyway 😅 As for dramas, the only one I ever watched start to finish was "Memories of the Alhambra", I LOVED that one OMG. I admittedly started watching for Chanyeol, but since he isn't in it much, I really watched it to the end just because it was THAT good. I watched a few episodes of "100 Days My Prince" but then I sort of lost interest? It wasn't bad, I'm just really not good at sticking with things most of the time. Oh, and I watched "How Are You Bread"! Good thing it was short. 😂 Don't think I've ever watched any non-EXO related dramas... But yesss, I'm happy for Suho, I remember him saying he wants to do more acting!! 😊 As for Chanyeol's dramas (other than MotA) - I started watching "EXO Next Door" (does that count? 😂) but it was so cringey I kind of couldn't get myself to go on (not that I disliked it, it was just kind of too much for me to take?? I still want to finish it at some point!! 😂). I don't think I've watched any others...

Oof. Looks/eras for Chanyeol... There's a few. 😂 Yes, I enjoyed his Obsession look. Generally him with light pink hair (so Obsession and The War era), OR with red hair (Overdose, Ex'act/Lotto) OR with silver hair (Exodus/Love Me Right, Don't Fight The Feeling) are my favourites. But argh, the white blonde look was good, too 😣 The photoshoot question is difficult, I don't think I have too many particular photoshoots in mind... so I'm afraid I can't really answer that question, sorry dear Santa. 😓 I'll try to give it some thought...

I hope you have a lovely weekend!! 🤍

#countingstolenchange exolss

[alexazbofficial]

[INTERVIEW] Go away with ... AleXa

At the time of our Zoom interview, AleXa had no idea that she would win NBC’s "American Song Contest." "I'm just grateful for this experience," she said from Los Angeles, where the singing competition was filmed. "I performed for a huge American network in front of a live audience. Hopefully, I can take this positive energy and move forward with it." Born and raised in Oklahoma - the state she represented on the show - the singer will later return to Seoul, where she moved to six years ago to pursue her music career. Fans may follow AleXa on Instagram, Twitter, YouTube and Facebook.

Q: Before you moved to Korea, were people in the industry pressuring you to move to Los Angeles or New York?

A: I don’t think I felt pressured. Other Americans would ask, “Where in California are you from?” Everyone's so shocked when I say Oklahoma, but I guess they don't typically associate Asians with Oklahoma. But my dad is from New York so I went there a lot when I was a kid. And I wanted to move to L.A. eventually because I know that L.A. is a place of creativity and performance. But Oklahoma's still my home ‘till the day I die.

Q: What was it like when you moved to Korea?

A: It didn’t feel strange at all, but I felt like I was in the future because of the architecture. There are some really state-of-the-art, really cool-looking high-rise buildings that I did not ever see in Tulsa. People comfortably spoke to me in Korean, even though when I first came, I did not know Korean at all. Every now and then in a taxi I’d be asked, “Are you Korean?” and I’d say, “I'm half.”

Q: You’ve said before that one reason you wanted to move to Korea was to try to find your mother’s birth parents for her. How is that going?

A: It’s still in a gray area. We did some digging and research about two years ago. Adoption laws in Korea are quite strict. If the birth parents are not in search of their child, the child has no permission to have any information on the birth parents. We unfortunately found out that my mother's biological mother has not gone searching for her, so we could not get any information provided. However, (my mother) did do one of those DNA tests and she got linked to at least two cousins, one of whom is in Norway. At the end of the day, the reason I really wanted to pursue being an idol was hoping that one day I become known enough that somewhere (someone will see and think), “Oh, we had a daughter who looked like that.” I'm hoping that some day some light gets shed on the situation, but only time will tell.

Q: Do you remember any childhood trips?

A: Yes. It was to New York City. I have a little kid’s memory of it, so it might be a little foggy. I’m pretty sure when I was there I saw a Broadway musical. I don’t remember if it was “The Lion King” or not. And then I remember this giant (now closed) Toys ‘R’ Us that was (four) stories high in Times Square. There was a big dinosaur inside. It would move and then stop suddenly and reset and restart. So I was on the floor by the head and it stopped. I had my back turned and was talking to my mom and my dad. When I turned around, his mouth was right open behind me! I am terrified of animatronics specifically because of this!

Q: Tell us about some of the other places you’ve visited.

A: Growing up I was a really big fan of anime and manga. I'd always seen really cool pictures of Japan. Thanks to my career, I've been able to go to Japan and I've been able to look around. Also, I had the opportunity to go to Singapore right after my debut and I want to go back. But even before my debut, I went to India for about a month. India is one of my favorite places to ever go to. I've had the opportunity to go to so many wonderful places thanks to the career that I'm pursuing.

Q: Some people love traveling for work in the beginning and then grow tired of it. How about you?

A: No, I'm enthusiastic about it. I’m a Sagittarius and we want to roam and travel the world. So any opportunity I get to go, even if it’s to a different part of Korea, I want to go. I went to Pohang one time and saw different facets of the country. I like to travel.

Q: Where have you not been to that’s on your bucket list?

A: I really want to do a tour of South America, if at all possible, because the K-pop scene is so huge down there. And I feel like it's almost largely ignored. I feel like (countries like) Brazil and Argentina have big K-pop fans there. Why not give them some performances? It just sounds really fun.

© SLT Today

#alexa #alex christine #kim seri #interview #article #220510

[jakesimfromstatefarm]

notoriously yours | jay park

✰ summary: jay park is a rich kid. it’s safe to say he has everything every broke college student on his campus could dream of and more. but the one thing he doesn’t have, which money definitely can’t buy, is a girlfriend. and his friends won’t see of it. literally.

so what happens when his friends bet him to date someone for more than three months? what happens when jay decides that fake-dating someone would be easier than actual dating (because god forbid Jay–the campus’ notoriously known fuckboy–decides to commit to something once in his life)?

and what happens when that someone is you, his childhood best friend he hasn’t spoken to in years..who has absolutely no interest in being in his life anymore?

✰ pairing: jay park x y/n [ft. members of enha]

✰ genre: fluff, comedy, angst | fakedating!au, college!au, childhoodbestfriends!au, (kinda) e2l!au

✰ warnings: cursing, nothing suggestive but jay's a fuckboy so slightly suggestive themes, mentions of parental neglect/leaving, it's hella long (and i thought my last fic was long)

✰ wc: 14.7k (how did i get it this long oh lord)

✰ author's note: picture creds go to original owners/editors! peep that edit of jay that lowkey inspired this entire fic 👀also this took me so, so long bc i lost motivation half way thru and bc college is a thing,,,so i honestly don't know how to feel abt it so pls bare with me :')))) ALSO the dividers are weird bc idk how to add more than 10 pics for the dividers so pls excuse those ٩(× ×)۶i hope u guys enjoy!! <333

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Jay Park is a rich kid.

Jay Park has enough to buy every textbook he needs for his courses without having to look up the free versions online. Jay Park has enough to bribe his professors to let him pass every class with a perfect 4.0 GPA (but because the boy has morals, he doesn't). Jay Park has enough to afford a car to drive to his furthest class from his dorm building instead of walk or bike like every other college student, meaning he also has enough to afford a parking spot on campus (those things aren't cheap!).

Jay Park walks around your school's campus like he owns the place (and considering the amount of money his family has donated to the school, he practically does), looking like he just walked out of your local coffee shop's newest fashion magazine. His blonde hair is never seen untouched, his attire usually consisting of an undoubtedly high-end all-black fit, accessorized with multiple earrings and rings that probably cost more than all the overpriced textbooks you had to rent out this semester. It's safe to say that everyone knows Jay Park.

Bottom line is, Jay Park has everything.

Well, his friends beg to differ.

In their eyes, Jay Park has everything but a simple factor in the equation of love (or whatever love is to the minds of a couple of 19 year olds): commitment.

So yes, it's safe to say that everyone knows Jay Park. Because everyone knows he's the campus' rich fuckboy. (What's a college fanfic campus without one anyways?)

Jay doesn't go unreminded of this by his friends, to the boy's annoyance.

Jay is aware of this on a Sunday afternoon, in his dorm building's first floor lounge, where he and his said friends are having a study session.

They're doing anything but studying.

In fact, no one has any books out or anything. Not a single laptop in site.

"You don't think it's the slightly bit concerning?" Jake's words are muffled as he continues munching on the fried chicken that he spent majority of this study session debating if he should have it delivered through UberEats or not.

"I really don't, no," Jay shrugs as he continues mindlessly scrolling through his Instagram feed. They're having the same argument conversation that they've revisited multiple times over the course of their friendship, one that Jay has been lectured on too many times for his own good. He thinks his friends could become his new parents if they really tried.

"Look at it this way, okay. You're about to graduate college in a couple of years, into the big world. Like the actual, adult world. And that means you'll have to settle down. Which you can't do when you. have. no. commitment!" Jake punctuates each word with a single clap of his hands, desperate to get his point across.

Jay simply rolls his eyes. He looks over to Sunghoon, who's minding his own business, not bothered by the same topic he's heard over and over again. His eyes tell Jay you're on your own, in response to his blonde-haired friend's look of despair.

Jay thinks that maybe he should get new friends. Yes, that's the only solution here.

"My love life," Jay reaches across the table for a drumstick from the greasy tub seated in Jake's lap until Jake swats his hand away, "is none of your business. Also, ouch."

"Uh, it kinda is. Because of you and your reputation around campus, it kinda affects us, your best friends. How do you think we look, hanging out with the guy who's known to ghost every girl in existence after one night with them? No offense to you," Jake deadpans to him. Jay mentally reconsiders the term best friends.

Tough love. Jay tells himself it's tough love.

"Yes, because every girl totally hates Jake Sim, the teacher assistant of a physics class who volunteers at the pet shelter every Sunday and brings their pet golden retriever to campus every two weeks," Jay rolls his eyes at his Australian friend.

Jake sighs. "Okay, then I'm coming from a place of worry for you."

Jay groans. "Again, none of your business!" This doesn't stop Jake. He comes from good intentions, really, but Jay wants nothing more than to stuff the kid's mouth with some of that chicken to shut him up.

"What are you gonna do if one day you meet someone you like, genuinely like, and you screw yourself over because you've never been in an actual relationship before? A real, committed one. Like one that lasts at least three months."

"You don't think I can last three months in a relationship?" Jay questions the boy currently taunting him.

"Honestly? No. What's the longest relationship you've been in?" Jake cocks an eyebrow at his friend across from him.

One month and two weeks. But Jay's smart enough to not say that out loud.

"I can so last over three months," Jay mutters more to himself than Jake.

Jake laughs at that, pausing to take another bite of the drumstick in his hand. "Jay, I am willing to actually bet you. Bet that you wouldn't be able to." He leans back on the couch, the ball now in Jay's court.

Jay freezes, looking up from his phone, narrowing his eyes at Jake.

"Forget it, Jake. He's not gonna agree even if you offered him money," Sunghoon finally perches from beside him. Well he's not wrong. It's not like Jay is exactly in need of more money, per say.

"What kind of bet are we talking here?"

Sunghoon's right. Jay doesn't need the money, but he does hate being wrong. Even if it's over something as stupid as this matter.

Caught off guard by the blonde's answer, Jake blinks blankly at him and takes a second to think.

"Hmm..what about...what about if you can date someone for at least three months, and I mean an actual, committed relationship, then I'll do all of your physics homework next semester."

Jay's eyes sparkle at that. If there's anything he despises more than commitment, it's physics.

"And if I win, you have to buy all of my textbooks," Jake sits back from the edge of his seat with a smirk lying on his face.

Jay pauses to think about it. I mean, what does he have to lose? A couple hundred dollars over college textbooks? No. Because he just simply won't lose.

And maybe he'll learn what it'll be like to actually be in a committed relationship for once. Maybe he'll finally learn what it's like to actually devote yourself to someone, open up to them. He shivers at the thought. Never mind. He'll warm up to it. Baby steps.

Nonetheless, what could go wrong? Even if he does lose, at least his money would be going somewhere productive––towards his friend's education. Jay was probably gonna use that money on something useless like a blanket that resembles a tortilla (a burrito blanket, he calls it)––something he doesn't necessarily need, but must have, he would argue.

"Fine. Whatever, okay. Deal," he grabs Jake's extended hand in front of him and shakes on it.

Jake's impressively smiling at the boy as Sunghoon lets out a sigh, in disbelief with the two guys he calls his best friends.

Jay concludes that this will be easier than his Introduction to Photography 101 course he took his freshman year. How hard is it to find someone to date the Jay Park? Surely, everyone will be lining up once Jay switches his FaceBook relationship status from "it's complicated" to "single".

Turns out, it's not as easy as his class where all Jay had to do was take pictures of a pretty sunset, slap a VSCO filter on, and call it a day.

He comes to this realization on a Wednesday evening, as he's seated at one of the many study tables lined in the middle of the campus' library, staring down at his phone's dry iMessage app, with his laptop and blank sheets of scratch paper scrambled across the entire table, as an attempt to look half as studious as the other students studying in the facility.

Turns out, being known as the campus' fuckboy who ghosts every girl on campus isn't a good thing when it comes to wanting to find a real relationship.

He comes to this realization after failing to receive a single text back to the many ones he sent out throughout the first half of his day. The ghoster gets ghosted. Oh how the turn tables.

Jay groans dramatically as he tosses his phone on the hard surface of the table, earning himself a harsh shush from the librarian filing books in the aisle beside him.

He sheepishly smiles back as an apology, directing his attention back to his open laptop screen, where his untouched calculus homework stares back at him––his mind preoccupied with the looming threat of Jake's bet. Not that it was threatening in any way, per say, but Jay just hates losing. And from the looks of things, it's safe to say that Jay won't be celebrating any victories anytime soon.

Jay thinks he should just change his identity and just transfer to some boarding school in Switzerland. Yes, that's a much better solution than admitting defeat to Jake.

Jay sighs as he lies his head on the table, figuring he might as well just write the check for Jake's textbooks now. He wonders how he got here in the first place. Not how he got into the bet, and definitely not how he's sitting in the middle of the library, having yet to start his calculus homework due at 11:59PM tonight (he should really start that).

But no, he wonders how he gained the reputation as the campus' playboy. To be fair, his friends (mainly Jake), are constantly reminding him of his notorious habits. But how did they come a habit in the first place?

The idea of being in a relationship is nice, sure, but the commitment that comes with it? The idea of being dependent on someone? It's scary, vulnerable, and one that Jay can't picture for himself.

Maybe some people just aren't meant to be paired. Maybe some people, like Jay, like being independent and are meant to stay that way.

But Jay also likes affection. He likes the fleeting, warm feeling he gets every time he finds himself under someone's sheets. He likes the short-lived comfort he receives from someone else's touch, even though he knows it's going to cease to exist the second he steps out of those bedroom's doors. He just likes affection, simple as that.

That and he's a 19 year old teenage boy with needs, what did you expect?

And so what if he likes the idea of affection minus commitment? Is that so bad? Apparently it is, to people like his friends and the entirety of his school's campus, at least.

At this rate, he might as well pay someone to date him.

Wait. Jay lifts his head off the table's surface in realization.

He might as well pay someone to date him.

There's no harm in that, is there?

He wouldn't have to endure through an endless amount of dates to find someone he clicks with, then continue going on dates with said clicked person, all while trying to develop an actual, serious relationship.

He'll win the bet, get his physics homework done for an entire semester, and some lucky girl out there will be making profit for the small price of hanging out with Jay Park for three months.

And lucky for him, Jay knows the perfect candidate for this scheme.

Simple as that.

Just as long as said perfect candidate says yes.

And as long as Jake and Sunghoon don't find out. Or else Jay might really have to move to Switzerland after all.

You love your friends, you do.

Hana and Heeseung have been there for you when others haven't––they were by your side when you knew no one entering high school, and they were still by your side when you were all graduating said high school. Needless to say, you're eternally grateful for friends like them.

But right now, in this moment––with you seated in the middle of the campus' library, trying to write your essay, as your two friends blabber on and on about the most recent gossip across from you––your two friends could be your villain origin story.

But again, you love your friends, you do. So you don't have the heart to tell them to leave. You've managed to naturally tune out most of the conversation, anyways, for this––your friends coming to hang out while you're trying to study––is no rare occurrence by any means.

"Oh yeah, Jay Park texted me last night."

You hate how your brain's filter suddenly turns off at Hana's words.

You hate how your ears catch the sudden mention of Jay Park's name.

You hate how the thought of Jay Park gets to even occupy a single brain cell of yours.

You hate how you even know who Jay Park is. Well, knew.

Past tense. Because up until eighth grade––when Jay decided to just suddenly pretend you didn't exist––he was attached to you like a koala to a eucalyptus tree.

And if you had asked past Y/N, ideally, Jay would've never left your side. Ideally, he would've never left you to fend for yourself when entering high school. Ideally, he would've stayed your best friend through out all four years of high school and ideally, you would've eventually told him how you really felt about him after growing up with him all your life. And maybe it would've lead to a completely different story. But for the sake of this fic, we don't live in an ideal world.

So yes, if it wasn't for his attendance at the very same university as you, you would've forgotten about the boy who brought you the painful memories of your childhood.

And since the universe clearly doesn't work in your favor, avoiding Jay Park's existence like he's the plague would have to suffice. And it works.

For the most part.

Until some people, bring him up uninvited into your conversation. Like now, for example.

"When was the last time you guys talked anyways?" Heeseung mindlessly asks as he reaches across the table to grab one of the many snacks you usually bring to your study sessions.

"Uh..like a few weeks ago. Give or take. Whenever you threw your house party. Can't say there was much talking involved however," she teasingly says with a giggle and wiggle of her brows.

Heeseung's rolling his eyes as you scoff and chuck a nearby crumpled piece of paper that was once one of your many essay drafts at her.

She bats it away right as it's about to hit her face as she laughs. "Doesn't matter anyways. He ghosted me the next morning, as he does with everyone else. Telling you this now," she extends a finger right at you, "stay away from Jay Park. That kid's just bad news."

You nod in response, mentally telling her she has nothing to worry about.

Been there, done that.

College. Ah yes, the very concept of spending four years of your life imprisoned on a campus where you'll be tearing your hair out from stress and spending all your life's savings just for a laminated sheet of paper with a golden stamp at the end of it all. We live in a society.

Because of said college, and all the weight that comes along with it, you had adapted a strict daily schedule in order to not completely lose your mind. It's a simple schedule really, one of a typical college student who's just trying to get by everyday with as little mental breakdowns as possible.

Wake up, get ready, go to class, go to the library to do your homework, walk all the way across campus to get back to your dorm, shower, then sleep. Oh and eat, of course. And maybe if time permits, be an actual social being and socialize.

It's gotten you this far into the college life without dropping out so, you conclude, you must be doing something right.

Sometimes, if you're feeling nice to yourself, you'll tweak the schedule a bit to fit in some exceptions. Maybe squeeze in a little trip to the bubble tea shop that's on the other side of campus, or maybe get dinner at that one dining hall that you don't usually go to because of the unncessarily long lines (but because they serve ice cream, you go anyways). It doesn't matter what the exception is, you still plan it out to fit into your schedule somehow. Everything is planned out.

Sometimes, however, the universe disagrees with your schedule, to your demise. Such as today, for example.

Because what you didn't expect for today was for a particular blonde-haired boy who you haven't spoken to in almost six years (but who's counting?) to approach your table in the library––a table you were sure no one could find you at, as it was quietly tucked away in the back corner, right next to the Astrophysics shelves. Because who browses the Astrophysics aisle for fun? Actually, maybe Jake Sim would. Anyways.

You definitely didn't anticipate a visit from the boy you've been actively avoiding, so you definitely didn't expect the first words coming out of his mouth when he sees you for the first time in six years to be:

"Fake date me."

You blink up at him.

Yeah, definitely not expected.

But you only let it phase you for a split second, until you feel a slight annoyance beginning to bubble up deep inside of you.

"Wow, hello to you too Jay! It's been what––half a decade? Yeah I've been pretty good, thanks for asking!" The sarcasm is practically dripping off your tongue.

You don't know what runs through Jay's mind, but apparently it isn't common sense––or the ability to read the room. Because next thing you know, he's sliding the chair across from you out from underneath the table and making himself at home.

And he's smiling right at you.

Curse him and his smile.

But no, you're not giving into it.

Not yet, at least.

"What do you want?" You deadpan at him when he makes no sign of making the next move.

"A girlfriend," he deadpans right back at you, as if he was casually telling you what he wanted for dinner. As if you two were close-knit friends that could approach one another without any proper greeting. As if you two had kept your friendship all these years. As if you two even had a role in each other's lives.

"Can't help you there," you scoff, deciding to not even question his lack of manners on top of his uninvited presence.

"Aren't you gonna ask me why?"

"Well gee, seeing that the first few words you decided to say to my face for the first time in forever were a demand, a demand to date you no less, then....no," your monotone voice says as you keep your eyes focused on your laptop screen, not daring to look at the boy across from you.

In the Introduction to Sociology course you took your freshmen year, you had learned of one important term: interactional vandalism. Textbook definition being: "ignoring signals of disinterest in a conversation, leading it to an offense."

Your definition being: "are you oblivious or just plan dumb, read the room!"

This was interactional vandalism, alright. Whether Jay's truly oblivious or just trying to annoy you until your head explodes (it's really the former, but you're convinced it's the latter), he takes your signals of disinterest and tosses it right out of his head to continue the conversation.

"I'm stuck in this stupid bet with Jake--do you remember him? He bet me that I couldn't date someone for more than three months and I figured having someone fake date me would be easier than actually dating someone, right? That's where you come into the equation," he proposes as he leans back in his chair, as if he had just finished a sales pitch to a prospective customer looking to buy a car.

You couldn't believe this. You're 98% sure this has got to be a prank. You're mentally preparing for a camera crew to jump out from in-between the library's aisles any moment now and scream into your ears that you've just been punk'd!

The remaining 2% of you, however, wouldn't put it past the two boys to get themselves in such a situation. The last memory you had of Jay and his friends were pretty much their childish selves back in middle school. And by looking at the current scene unfolding in front of you...it's needless to say they haven't changed much.

"Again, can't help you there. Ask one of the many girlfriends I thought you had." Ouch.

"But Y/N, you've known me all your life--"

"Up until you dropped me a few years ago but sure, let's call it that."

"--and convincing other people is gonna make me look--"

"--desperate? Yeah."

"C'mon, Y/N. What do you have to lose anyways?"

"Uh..my dignity? Pride? Self-respect? Sorry Jay, not happening," you turn your attention back to your unwritten essay in front of you, mentally checking out of this conversation. This would be a good time for that camera crew to jump out now.

"Look, no one else is gonna do it, Y/N." Jay has always been stubborn, you suppose. But so are you.

"Yeah, because you've managed to push every being of the opposite gender away from you. You gave yourself this reputation in the first place," you give it to him straight. It's not like you had a relationship with him to uphold anyways––Jay himself broke that friendship years ago.

Jay hates that you're right.

You're always right. He remembers how he used to always go to you for advice and clarity on the world's biggest problems. Granted, the world's biggest problems to him at the time equated to what he should dress up as for the fifth grade Halloween party, but still. A tough decision, for the mind of a ten-year-old.

You abruptly stop typing and begin putting your laptop and textbooks away as you huff in frustration. There's no point in trying to get your work done now. The longer you stay arguing with Jay, the bigger your headache gets. The longer he continues to occupy any part of your brain, the bigger your headache gets.

Getting up from your seat, packed and ready to slam your head into your pillow, you turn to the blonde one last time.

"Look Jay. We went on our separate ways years ago. If you weren't so notoriously known around campus and my friends would stop talking about you, I would've long forgotten you. I'm sorry you're in this situation, really. If I were you, I'd just tell Jake I can't do it. Or don't, I can't tell you what to do. Just don't get some innocent girl involved in whatever stunt of yours this is."

Jay stares at you, mouth agape, as you find your way out of the library and through the main doors. By the time he comes back to his senses, he realizes how he looks plain stupid––standing in the middle of the library, the look on his face screaming befuddlement, to say the least. Jay quickly makes his way out of the building, in hopes of convincing you one last time.

Jay catches sight of your figure already half-way down the walkway that connects the library to the main quad of your school's campus. Geez, you walk fast.

Not fast enough to outrun Jay's legs, however. If Jay running after you through the middle of campus in order to convince you to fake date him doesn't show how desperate he is to win this bet, I don't know what will.

"Wait, Y/N!"

You groan to yourself before turning to face the boy who can't seem to take a hint and leave you alone. You stare at his out-of-breath state as he heaves up and down from the slight jog he had to endure to get to where you are. If you're humored by him chasing after you, you do a good job of hiding it.

He meets your unimpressed state before stating his final proposition: "I'll pay you. Five hundred dollars."

You nearly stop breathing.

Now this catches your attention––after all, you're but a broke college student who's just trying to survive. And preferably not by feeding yourself instant ramen cups every night.

And so, naturally, you begin rethinking about the opportunity presented in front of you. You narrow your eyes at the boy as you weigh your options.

The first problem being, it's Jay Park––the bane of your very existence. You spent the last few years of your life pretending he didn't exist...for good reason. Not only did he do you dirty when you were merely a couple of 13-year-olds, but you just didn't want to be involved with someone like him. Someone known for his nature, someone who left your own current best friend ghosted. And not that Hana herself would care, for she has called herself the "female Jay Park", but you're sure this would be breaking some rule in the girl code handbook. Plus, if you agree to this, you'd be betraying 13-year-old Y/N, the one who decided to never speak to nor think of Jay Park again––which by now you've failed, but you get the gist.

Second problem being, three months is a long time. Three months is practically the rest of this semester, and did you really want to spend the rest of the semester tied down to the label of being Jay Park's girlfriend? There would have to be some negative connotations that came along with that title, right? No offense to Jay, but being his first girlfriend since, what, high school could make you come off as..naive, for lack of a better term. As if the only person you could settle for was Jay Park. As if you barely had any standards for yourself. Again, no offense to Jay.

Needless to say, if your school's debate club had to argue on why you shouldn't be doing this, you're sure the negating side could win with these two reasons alone.

But before you're rejecting the boy currently standing in front of you one last time, you find yourself mentally listing rebuttals.

First of all, you'd be getting paid. And again, you're merely but a college student living the stereotypical broke college student life––burdened by the costs of tuition, textbooks, and midnight McDonalds runs for when you're out of aforementioned instant ramen cups. Five hundred dollars could provide you with more than enough chicken McNuggets to last you the semester, and maybe some more to treat yourself to an online shopping spree.

Second of all, it's not like you were going to do anything better with your next three months anyways. It's safe to say you were too busy being a diligent student to actually look for anyone to date, per say. And if anything, having a fake boyfriend might actually be helpful in your case. Your mom would be off your ass about how you're still single, for one. And two, your friends (though it's really just Heeseung) would stop trying to hook you up on blind dates with guys that you would choose Jay Park over any day (and that really says something).

Third of all, it's Jay Park. As much as you despise the kid, you still know him. He's not a complete stranger to you, no matter how much you try to deny it. It could be worse, it could be a complete rando asking you to date him. At least you two have some sort of history, which would take care of the typical small talk and getting to know each other bit of this equation. And truth be told, you'd be lying to yourself if you said you weren't a tad bit satisfied by the fact that Jay chose you, of all people, to pull off this stunt with him. You don't know if it's the nostalgia of your childhood memories rushing back to you, but it reminds you of the endless schemes you two used to plan behind your parents' backs all the time. Granted, your childhood schemes––such as the both of you faking sickness so you could skip school together––don't even fall close to being in a fake relationship with one another, but still. It's the thought that counts.

All of those reasons plus, Jay isn't the worst to look at. He may have a spoiled reputation, but at least he has his looks going for him, you'll give him that (you're still secretly wondering when and how did he get his glow up, but don't tell him that).

And so by the guidelines of a college student's logic that states the pros outweigh the cons, you come to the overarching conclusion that maybe, this won't be so awful after all.

"Five hundred?" You ask, just for clarification. Jay's immediately nodding at your words. You continue to ponder on your thoughts as he stares at you hopefully.

The silent atmosphere of your campus heightens the tension so much, you swear you're in one of those overdramatic pausing scenes that occur too many times in k-dramas.

You sigh, then nod.

"Okay," you're internally praying that you won't regret this decision. "I'm in."

The next time you see Jay is at 12:17PM on a Friday afternoon, as you're exiting the doors of the lecture building that's home to your awfully long Capitalism in the Western World class.

You're going down the steps of the building, mentally deciding where and what you're going to treat yourself to for lunch––as the three hour lecture you had just attended drained all the life and energy out of you––when you hear the slight call of your name.

Turning to the source, you're met with a waving Jay, leaning against the passenger's side of his car, parked in front of the lecture hall building you were currently leaving.

Great.

You walk over to where he's casually waiting––he's unaware of all the stares he's attracted from fellow students leaving the same lecture as you. Can you blame them? It's not everyday you see a sleek, black BMW that probably cost more than your tuition pull up in front of your Friday afternoon lecture. It's not everyday you see Jay Park waiting for anyone outside of his said sleek, black BMW that probably cost more than your tuition.

"Hi," you simply let out as you plant yourself in front of him, not sure whether or not to question him why are you here? Surely, he wasn't waiting for you?

"Hi," he smiles down at you. There's a beat of silence. "I was waiting for you."

Bingo.

"Oh. What are you, my chauffeur?" You raise an eyebrow, unimpressed.

"Maybe. I am your boyfriend, after all," he says into the air, loud and clear, as if he wanted people to hear. Well that is the point, you suppose.

But still, all you want to do is smack the smirk right off his face.

Before you have time to put your next question into words, he answers it for you.

"I'm taking you out for lunch," he declares as if you have nothing else planned for the day. Well, to be fair, you didn't have anything else planned for the day. Except for your usual library run. But you figure the library could wait.

"Oh, like on a date?" You raise your eyebrows teasingly at him as you get into the car, Jay holding the door wide open for you. "Is Jay Park treating me to lunch as a date?"

Jay fights the scowl (or is that a smile?) growing on his face as he bends down to meet your eye level from inside the car. "Don't flatter yourself, princess. We've got fake lives to live."

"Call me princess one more time and you won't have a real life to live," you flash him a sarcastic smile and slam the door in his face.

Jay meets his own shocked reflection on the passenger's side window.

Cute.

"When you said you were taking me out to lunch, I expected like...I don't know...the diner on campus. Not whatever this is," you mutter to Jay as the two of you are brought to your table by a waitress at an upscale sushi restaurant, one that is undoubtedly out of your usual budget, but for sure an upgrade from your dining hall's pizza you were planning to have. You should've figured as much, the drive here was a little more than out of the way from campus, and who are you kidding, it's Jay Park you're eating with.

You stare down at your current outfit, which consisted of a hoodie you've owned since your junior year of high school and leggings that you threw on without second thought this morning––because you didn't exactly wake up and decide I'm going to go to a fancy sushi bar for lunch today!

"Why are we here anyways?" You ask him when you're both settled in your seats and the waitress walks away after listing the chef's specials for the day.

"Oh, they have killer dragon rolls here, you have to try it," Jay tells you nonchalantly as his eyes rake the menu in front of him, blocking your view of him.

How dense can one be? Your hand snatches his menu as you stare into his unamused eyes.

"No, Jay. I mean, why are we here? It's not like anyone's around to see us put on a show anyways."

"Oh. I figured," Jay's quick to grab the menu back from out of your hands as he continues, "that we should sit down and establish how exactly we're going to deliver this performance. After all, you're stuck with me for the next three months."

Again, smacking the smirk currently resting on his face would satisfy you beyond relief. Just once.

"If I drop out halfway through, do I still get $250?" You tease, leaning back.

"Ha ha. Funny. No," he narrows his eyes at you from across the table. "It's all or nothing."

You dramatically huff to make a show just for his annoyance.

"Worth a try. But sure, let's solidify this. What's the game plan?" You sit up in your seat, leaning over the table as if the two of you were hosting a secret meeting.

"It's simple really," Jay mirrors your actions, face leaning in close to where yours is hovering over the table. "Just pretend to be deeply in love with me for three months, and try not to actually be charmed by my cunning looks."

If someone gave you five dollars for every time you've already rolled your eyes at him today, you wouldn't even need to be in this deal for the five hundred dollars.

"Wow, smooth. Can I just remind you you're the one paying a girl to be in a fake relationship with you because you're just not competent enough to find an actual girlfriend?" You lean back, arms crossing over your figure.

Jay, unfazed, laughs, tongue briefly hitting the inside of his cheek. "Touché."

Your eyes go back to the menu in front of you as a silence falls over the table. Because you're not a loaded trust fund baby who comes to fancy five-star sushi restaurants for lunch on a daily, you don't recognize half of the entree names on the menu. You spot the dragon roll Jay suggested, but seeing that a basic California roll is less expensive, your natural broke-college-student-instincts figure the California roll shall do.

"Okay, in all seriousness," Jay begins as he puts his menu down. "It's simple really. We'll just go on weekly dates and post cute pictures of each other once in a while and a little after three months, I'll just say it didn't work out. I'll give you the five hundo and boom, we move on with our lives."

It's clear Jay's put some thought into this. Safe to say he's put more effort planning this out than the amount of work he's been putting into his classes. Someone's got their priorities straight.

You're impressed to say the least––you figured Jay would just be the kind to go with the flow and wait for the situation to unfold on its own and maybe blow up into flames. But seeing as he was just as serious about winning this bet as you were with making five hundred dollars, your doubts about this entire situation were slowly withering away.

Don't get it wrong, though, you still despise him. To an extent, at least.

"And don't worry about the dates. I'll pay on your behalf, as the loving, doting boyfriend I am," Jay finishes with a wide, cheesy smile you can't help but return a growing smile back at.

"Well then, as the loving, doting girlfriend I am, I shall gift you coffee, breakfast, all that fun couple stuff, whenever you please. Or maybe unannounced, if I'm feeling nice," you figure you should pitch in as much if he's paying for all your dates. And deep down, you find the idea kinda cute. But don't tell anyone that.

"Wow, look at us. We should become Dispatch's couple of the year already!" Jay exclaims, earning himself a small giggle from you, which pleases him to say the least. He thinks that maybe when this is all over, he'll hopefully make a good friend (well, for the second time) out of it.

And you're thinking that maybe the next three months won't be as bad as you initially had thought.

As the two of you delve deep into a debate about who would be the better significant other to each other, the waitress comes over to take your orders.

And because you're laughing and Jay's brightly smiling at you from across the table, you order the dragon roll.

The second time Jay takes you out––this time he gives you a heads up to get ready––it's at a, once again, high-class steakhouse.

The third time, you insist on the on-campus diner that's popular amongst the student population. Partially because you feel bad for the amount of money he's spent on you (even though he couldn't care less), but mostly because if you have to put on another fancy dress to just eat an overpriced meal that doesn't even fully satisfy your hunger, you might lose your mind.

And by this third time, Jake is aware of this newly blossomed relationship.

"Three dates! I didn't know you had it in you, going on three dates with the same girl!" Jake excitedly exclaims as he jumps into the empty spot on Jay's dorm bed and shoves his phone's screen into Jay's face.

The smaller screen displays Jay's most recent Instagram post: an image of you sitting behind your too-small-to-be-this-expensive-steak and smiling right into Jay's camera––a memory that brings a smile to his face:

~ ~ ~

"C'mon! We said Instagram posts would be a part of the deal! How else can we convince people we're dating?" A pout rests on Jay's face as he stares at you from across the table in the middle of the extravagantly decorated restaurant he picked out for your second date. You remember your eyes bulging out of their own sockets when you saw the "$$$$$" rating Yelp gave the place when you searched it up earlier.

"Okay, okay! One picture," you give in, already slightly annoyed that you were here instead of the comfort of your own bed, where you could be rewatching your favorite Netflix show for the third time. But because you made a deal and because you're desperate for money, you had to follow through––so here you were.

You flash an unconvincing smile to Jay's camera, which doesn't satisfy him, to say the least. "At least pretend you're somewhat enjoying this date," he frowns at you.

You sigh, until a thought crosses your mind and a smile grows on your face. "Only if you get me boba afterwards."

He narrows his eyes at you, but then meets your smile. "Sure, whatever you want. But only because I've been craving some mango milk tea lately."

"You're a fruit milk tea kind of guy? Sorry, but I might have to fake break-up with you," you tease as you take a sip of your overpriced drink to go with your overpriced meal.

Jay scoffs, feigning hurt by placing his hand over his heart. "Ouch. But before you break up with me, let me get this Instagram post in."

"Wow. Your priorities are so straight," you roll your eyes at him, eliciting a cheeky smile from him as he watches you through his held up phone screen.

"3,2,1."

"Hey, I wasn't ready! That was like mid-laugh!" You reach over the table to grab the phone, but not quick enough for him to put his phone back into his pants' pocket.

"Nope, nuh uh," he laughs as you quickly sit back down into your seat, not wanting to cause a scene in an establishment as proper as this one.

"It's fine. It's a good picture, you look cute," he casually lets out, unaware of the blush rising to the surface of your cheeks, thanks to the fact that you were suddenly interested in playing with the left-over food on your plate.

"Jay! Delete it, I'll let you take another one," you whine from your seat, imagining just how bad a candid picture of you could be.

"Ugh, fine. Ever so picky." He playfully rolls his eyes at you as he takes his phone out and opens the camera app as you prepare yourself.

"Okay, how's this?" Jay turns the phone screen to you after he takes a few snaps on his phone.

"I approve," you grin at him as he goes through the pictures himself, unaware of the smile growing on his face.

"Okay now delete the first one," you point your finger at him, narrowing your eyes at him.

"Okay, okay! Bossy," he laughs as he raises in hands in surrender.

When Jay gets home that night, he recovers the image from his Recently Deleted folder, telling himself it's for the sake of the memory.

Obviously.

~ ~ ~

"It's not that big of a deal," Jay mutters from his spot as his eyes go from the Instagram post to his Exile and Belonging in Modern Literature reading that's due tomorrow, bright yellow highlighter in hand. Typically, you'd find the reading buried deep at the bottom of his school backpack. But because Jay ran into you this morning and because he complained to you about the amount of work he's fallen behind on and because you had threatened him to do his work or else you're not going on another date––a fake date that is––with him, he figured he should at least get one reading done and annotated, despite his strong dislike for highlighters (they hurt his eyes, okay?)

What he doesn't know, however, is how your threat was completely full of bluff––but don't tell him that.

"It is so a big deal, for you at least!" Jake hops off the bed and lands on the wooden floors of Jay's dorm room so hard, Jay winces and sends a mental apology to the poor person who lives below him.

Jake suddenly gasps. "I have to meet her, Jay! As your best friend, it's practically mandatory that I meet her."

Jay opens his mouth to protest, but not before Jake interrupts him once again. "Oh! We can bring Sunghoon too, it'll be so fun! The best friends meet the girlfriend."

Jay can't think of anything worst. Jay imagines that bringing you to meet his best friends would just intimidate you out of dating him––fake dating him, that is. Obviously.

He stares at his friend in agony then back at the reading in front of him––the one Jake said he'd come over to help annotate, but the intention completely left Jake's head the second he heard about Jay's recent dating life.

"You don't have to meet her," Jay says pointedly. "Plus, you already know her."

Jake frowns at his friend's excuse. "Yeah, but that was in middle school! This is different."

Jay's hands shuffle through the reading's pages in front of him as he realizes there's no way the two of them are going to finish the assignment at this point. He supposes he'll have to save death by blindness from highlighters for another day and hope you still agree to go out with him.

Jake suddenly gasps in realization.

"Oh my gosh! Childhood best friends turned college sweethearts," Jake says so dreamily, he might as well plaster heart eyes on. Hopeless romantic, this one.

Before Jay can argue, the piercing sound of three loud knocks echo through the small room, followed with a:

"Jay, are you in? It's me!"

Jay stills at the sound of your sweet voice. He whips his head to Jake, who is also frozen in place.

But the widened-eye boy is quick to come to his senses––unfortunately quicker than Jay himself––because the next thing Jay knows, Jake's eyes are lighting up and he's running to the door, ignoring Jay's screaming whispers through this seething teeth that were somewhere along the lines of Jake––stop, I swear to god if you open that door I'm gonna fucking--

"Y/N!" Jake swings the door wide open, revealing an overly excited him and a frozen Jay half-way to the door, as if he was about to grab the very boy welcoming you in. It's as if we're living in a Sims game and the player clicked pause on this very moment.

Jake's eyes are wildly going back and forth between you and your supposed boyfriend, as if he was waiting for Jay to run over and smother you in hugs and kisses...or something couple-y like that. Jay wouldn't know.

"Uh––hi," you're awkwardly standing inside the room now, a relatively large paper brown bag resting in your palms as you look around for a surface to place it on. Jay makes his way to you without a second thought, quickly taking the bag out of your hold.

"You seemed stressed out earlier, so I figured I could bring you some food as a little pick me up. I didn't know what you liked, so I kinda just got a little of everything from the dining hall. Nothing fancy," you're rambling, but smiling so excitedly at him, Jay doesn't know what to say.

Instead, his mouth slightly drops open as he stares at you in awe, mostly because he's not used to being on the receiving end of such spontaneously generous actions––all while Jake's still excitedly looking back and forth between the two of you, as if he was expecting a marriage proposal to come next.

"Oh wow. Thank you. Really," Jay, still touched by your simple act of kindness, softly says as he places the bag on the limited amount of empty space on his desk surface––the rest of it is covered with his untouched textbooks and unfinished assignments. He wonders if you did this out of playing your role or just because you wanted to. He internally hopes it's the latter. "Seriously, you didn't have to do."

"Nah, don't worry. I wanted to," you shrug with such a genuine smile that Jay realizes he actually missed your smile.

Despite having seen you during your brief run-in this morning when you were fetching your morning coffee, Jay realizes he missed you. The two of you haven't been seeing each other recently because of your busy schedule and if Jay didn't realize it before, he's now sure he missed your company and presence around.

Weird.

"Well, you two have fun! Sunghoon needs me for something," Jake suddenly chirps from his place near the front door, halfway through with putting his shoes on already, breaking the comforting silence that fell between the two of you.

Jay frowns. "But you said you were free all da––"

"SUNGHOON IS CALLING BYE!" And before Jay can even register what's happening, Jake's out the door without another word.

"Er..sorry about him, he's...weird," Jay scratches the back of his neck as he returns to his spot on his bed, mentally setting a reminder to yell at Jake later for leaving the two of you alone. Jay doesn't know exactly why, but he's nervous at the fact that you're here in his room. It's not like you two are complete strangers––or whatever you guys were before––anymore. "Good job on your part, though. How'd you know Jake was here?"

"Oh uh, I didn't"," you let out an awkward laugh. "I just felt like doing it."

Heat rushes to Jay's cheeks and he's not sure 1) what this newfound feeling is and 2) how to respond, yet again.

Having expecting you to leave after dropping the food off, Jay's taken by surprise when you take your shoes off and come over to his bed to look at the pile of work he's spread out.

"Is this everything you have to do?" You question the stressed-out boy as you flip through the various assignments, readings, and essays he put off in the past week.

"More or less," he groans. This is no rare occurrence by any means––Jay being behind in his work––but this time, Jay realizes he may actually be in deep shit, considering he has no idea where to begin.

Right as Jay's expecting a scolding from you, he looks up to meet a look of sympathy on your face. "Well, I mean, I'm pretty much done with my day. I can try to help, I recognize some of these readings from last semester."

Jay thinks to himself that the universe has sent him an angel through the form of you.

"Really? Wow, you were't kidding when you said you'd be a good girlfriend," he sends you a surprised look.

"I'm just being nice, Jay. A concept I'm sure you're not familiar with," you remark back at him, causing his forming smile to grow into a laugh.

"I can too be nice! Need I remind you of who's paying you $500, covering all of our dates AND giving you rides to class everyday?" He remarks pointedly at you, a teasing look resting in his eyes as you're reminded of the first of many times he's come to pick you up before class:

~ ~ ~

You're late.

This never happens.

But then again, your life's been a series of unexpected occurrences lately. Such as the fact that you're currently known as Jay Park's girlfriend, for one.

You're scrambling out of bed once you take one look at your phone and realize shit, you're already late for class. Throwing on whatever articles of clothing your eyes land on first, you're already mentally groaning at the fact that you'll have to skip breakfast and run across your campus to get to said class.

Curse your professor for hosting her lecture at the furthest possible building away from your dorm. Curse the architect who decided to make your campus so large.

You're running down the steps outside of your dorm building's doors when you're abruptly stopped by a familiar sounding cough. You look up from trying to gather all your belongings together at once to meet the gaze of the source of the sound––Jay.

"Wow, you're a mess," he smirks as he gets up from the spot on his car he was leaning against to make his way over to you.

"Gee, thanks! Good morning to you too," you flash him a sarcastic smile before your default frown quickly makes it way back onto your face.

"Aren't you gonna ask me why I'm here?" He grins as he grabs hold of your backpack to sling it across his own back as the two of you walk towards his car.

"Why are you here, Jay?" you sigh, your sarcastic tone hard to miss.

"To give you a ride to class, of course!" He's beaming at you, as if he's a pre-pubescent teen who just won their first girlfriend a prize from the arcade's claw machine.

Oh. That explains the car, you figure. Deep down inside, you're relieved that you'll no longer be bursting through the lecture hall's doors as a sweaty mess––a result of having to run across campus to get to class.

Determined to not let your satisfaction completely show, you resort with a little smile directed towards Jay as he opens the passenger door for you.

The second your enter Jay's car, the strong scent of coffee hits you, and your attention is targeted at the two small cups of coffee sitting in the cupholders of the car.

"Breakfast?" Jay asks as he enters through the driver's side and reaches into the backseat to whip out a small pastry bag. A small, deliciously smelling, pastry bag.

Okay, well. You suppose you could drop the annoyed act now.

Your eyes widen with joy as you grab the bag from him and open it to reveal your favorite breakfast sandwich. He's been taking notes, you'll give him that point.

"Okay, you win. Thank you," you grace him with a soft smile before taking a bite into the glorious gift in your hands.

"Of course, I was just feeling nice," he grins at you as he starts his car. "But don't get used to it." His tone is serious, but his smile directed towards you says differently.

And the fact that he still showed up to drive you to class the next morning.

And the next.

~ ~ ~

"And need I remind you who has to date your dumb ass for the $500 in question?" Your eyes narrow at the boy who can't seem to get that damn smile off his face.

Jay sticks his tongue out at you, ending the conversation. Really Jay? What are you, five? Well, mentally––probably.

You're looking around his minuscule dorm room for a place to sit down, and Jay can't help but feel embarrassed now that you're here, in his messy single studio room that pretty much reflects how Jay treats every other responsibility of his oh so hard life: neglected.

"Uh...here, you can sit on my bed," Jay immediately offers as he moves to the side to make room for your presence––and it isn't much, considering the university only provided him a twin XL bed which is definitely not built for two grown college-aged kids.

If you told yourself a few weeks ago that you'd be shoulder to shoulder on a bed belonging to the guy you cringed at the very thought of, you wouldn't have believed yourself. You wouldn't have believed yourself if you said you were actually glad Jay let you stay instead of kicking you out after delivering the food. Huh.

Weird.

"You know, this kinda reminds me of when we were kids. I always carried us through those horrible multiplication tests in the fifth grade," you wink at him as you settle in the spot next to him, hands grabbing hold of the papers in his lap.

Jay let out a laugh, nudging your shoulder with his. "Hey! The twelve times table is hard, okay?"

You roll your eyes at him––a habit of yours he's noticed whenever the two of you are together, but more recently, he thinks it's been more out of fun than annoyance.

He wonders why.

When Jay had first brought up the idea of bringing you as his date to his father's company dinner, you had expected a fairly fancy five-star restaurant with a formal dress code––for you've become accustomed to Jay's lifestyle. Turns out, your expectations can continue to be exceeded. Because what you had expected to be a simple dinner with a few other business men and women turned out to be an entire party, hosted in a hotel whose interior resembled something close to a castle (Or what you assume a castle looks like, as you've never personally been into a castle yourself, but this hotel is close enough).

Your eyes sparkle at the extravagant columns and diamond chandeliers hanging high above you, and Jay smiles at the expression on your face; like a little girl being brought to the amusement park for the first time ever.

"Wow, this is...wow," you mutter as you drink in the scene in front of you: people dressed in formal attire likewise to yours and Jay's, mingling and drinking what you imagine to be beverages that cost more than your entire life's worth.

Jay laughs from behind you, "Yeah the company goes a little...extra when it comes to these company dinners."

You scoff as you look up at him. "Oh really, you don't say?" You look around and you're suddenly aware of the many people surrounding the two of you and the attention you've acquired ever since entering the building.

"Jay, people are staring." You shuffle closer to him, your voice lowering down to a whisper.

"Well, it's not everyday the son of the company's CEO brings his girlfriend with him, so...looks like we'll be the talk of the party tonight. Smiles on," he winks at you, and you just know he's loving the attention the two of you are receiving right now.

"Jay Park? Is that you?" You hear a warm voice call out from behind the two of you.

The two of you turn around to meet the owner of the voice, a middle-aged woman dressed in an evening gown that matches the pattern of high-end brands you've been recognizing ever since arriving.

"Mrs. Lee! It's so nice seeing you again," Jay cheerily addresses the woman as the two of you bow in greeting.

You internally giggle at the thought of your Jay being so picture-perfect in the eyes of his father's co-workers.

"This is Y/N," he continues, his hand finding its way to your back, protectively resting it there as you go to introduce yourself. "My girlfriend."

You swear you feel goosebumps rise from where he's lightly touching you, and more so when he introduces you as his girlfriend.

You tell yourself it's just your nerves. Yes, that's it, you're just nervous. I mean, you're in a room filled with people who could easily pay off all your college loans with just a snap of their fingers, who wouldn't be nervous? Right? Right.

"Y/N! It's a pleasure to finally meet you, I've heard so much about you!" Mrs. Lee excitedly exclaims as you turn to Jay with a slightly confused look plastered on your face. He mirrors your expression as he shrugs, moving to stand behind you completely, bringing his hands to rest lowly at your hips.

His hands feel like feathers on the thin fabric of your evening gown, so light, so delicate, as if he's unsure if he's crossing a line. It leaves you wanting more, wanting to naturally lean against him and his warmth. You quick to shake the thought of your head as Mrs. Lee chirps up again.

"Jay's father is always talking about how you've been keeping Jay pleasantly busy nowadays! Good thing too, about time this poor boy settle down for someone as beautiful as you," the woman rambles on as you feel a blush creep up on your cheeks at the thought of Jay talking about you to his dad. If only they knew.

"We should probably go find our seats, I think the dinner is beginning soon," Jay says from behind you, saving the two of you from having to listen to Mrs. Lee's story of how she's known Jay ever since he was five years old and seeing him grow into this mature, loving, young man is so amazing. Oh look! I have baby pictures.

Yeah, he was more so saving himself from embarrassment.

The two of you bid your goodbyes before Jay gently uses the hand on your back to maneuver you through the crowd of socializing business moguls.

"She's not wrong, you know," you feel Jay dip his head so he's speaking near your ear, his warm breath tickling your earlobe, as the two of you make your way through the large foyer room.

"Hm?" You hum in question, turning your head up just enough to be able to make eye contact with him as he responds to your look of confusion.

"You look beautiful tonight," he says, eye contact not breaking once. You freeze in your steps.

You stare back at him in silence. Oh.

Your mind is panicking as it flips through your mental book of responses, unsure of what to say back. But because your mind is cloudy from staring at a put-together Jay in a dark navy suit to match your dress (mixed with the nervous butterflies in your stomach––have they always been there?), the only sound that's able to leave your lips is the small stutter of a:

"Huh?"

Wow Y/N, you had one job. A simple "thank you" could've sufficed! And you went with "Huh"?

You felt like a fifth grader who just learned from a friend of a friend of a friend that their crush likes them back.

"U-um. Mrs. Lee. What she said about you. You look good, really," somehow your nervousness made its way over to Jay now––his eyes flickering from yours to anywhere, anything, else in the room––the awkward tension growing tenfold each second.

Goddamnit Y/N, this is just Jay you're talking to, get a grip.

You're knocked back into reality when he slightly nudges your back to continue making your way to the main ball room, where the dinner is being held.

"Is that a compliment from the Jay Park?" Your smirk can't be seen by Jay, since he's still trailing behind you, but he can definitely hear it through your tone.

"Don't make me take it back," he chuckles, his words felt against your neck, leaving behind a tingly sensation you're not sure why you're feeling. You're glad he's behind you, so he isn't able to see the blush creeping onto your face for the second time tonight.

Jay gives a small nod to the people behind the check-in desk stationed at the entrance as the two of you waltz right into a large ball room lined with countless circular dining tables. So much for a small business dinner.

As the two of you approach one of the tables placed at the front of the room, you notice a familiar figure seated next to the seats reserved for you and Jay.

"Y/N!" Jake exclaims as he gets up from his seat to greet the both of you. "I'm so glad you made it, Jay was so excited to bring you tonight. Deadass would not stop talking about it."

Jay lets out a noise that falls somewhere between a cough and a goose being strangled, his widened eyes warning his talkative friend to just shut up. He's silently cursing the company for always seating his and Jake's family at the same table for these events.

"Aw, is that so? He's lucky he's cute or else I wouldn't have agreed," you grin, winking at your assumed boyfriend sitting next to you.

"Hey, YOU were the one excited to come! I recall a certain someone's face lighting up when I suggested we go shopping for tonight," Jay immediately retorts.

"Only because you were buying," you giggle, causing Jake to laugh as well.

"Damn, Jay. Tough," Jake jokingly adds as you laugh alongside him. The scowl sitting on Jay's face expresses the opposite of what he's feeling right now: warmth filling him up from the sound of your laughter and the image of you getting along so well with his best friend.

"I'm gonna get us some drinks, you two have fun making fun of me," Jay narrows his eyes at the two of you as he gets up from his seat. You bid him off with a smile before turning back to Jake.

"No but really though, this boy would not stop talking about you coming tonight. Then again, he doesn't really ever stop talking about you," Jake nonchalantly says, not knowing how much he was exposing his friend to you right now.

You raise an eyebrow up in response, "Oh really?"

"Seriously! I don't know what you did to him, Y/N, but this Jay I've been seeing recently is new. He complains a lot less about life nowadays, especially on the days he sees you," he leans back in his chair as his comment brings a smile to your face. Little does he know.

You stretch your neck up to find the boy in question and spot him right as he's returning to your shared table, two drinks in hand. You lock eyes with him from across the room and without a second thought, you're giving him a genuine smile that he's immediately returning.

Your heart beats faster at the view.

You wonder why.

It's 3:07AM when you hear the first ding.

You're not 100% sure as of why you're awake at this hour on a Tuesday night––perhaps a combination of your restless thoughts and feelings not letting you sleep plus the typical stress that comes hand-in-hand with the life of a college student.

It's 3:09AM when you hear the second ding, and you brush it off, assuming it was just Heeseung spamming you with memes again––something he does often when he also can't sleep (you found this out the hard way).

It's still 3:09AM when you hear the third ding, and at 3:10AM , you finally reach over and decide to acknowledge the being who's bothering you at this godforsaken hour.

Jay [3:07AM]: Y/N

Jay [3:09AM]: hi

Jay [3:09AM]: r u awake rn

Y/N [3:10AM]: unfortunately so

Y/N [3:11AM]: why are you up

Jay [3:11AM]: come outside

Y/N [3:13AM: jay it's 3am

Jay [3:13AM]: ye and? don't tell me ur a college student with a curfew

Jay [3:14AM]: plus im alrdy waiting for u outside so u have no choice

Jay [3:15AM]: :)

You groan at your bright phone screen currently illuminating your dark dorm room.

You ponder the consequences you may have to suffer tomorrow if you stay up any later than you already have. But considering the fact that you're probably just going to stay awake lying in bed for god knows how long anyways, why not?

(And you would like to point out that this decision has nothing to do with the fact that you haven't seen Jay in a few days and that maybe a tiny, tiny, tiny, part of you may have missed his presence. Nothing.)

And since that logic is obviously valid (you really gotta work on justifying your life choices), you're suddenly grabbing a hoodie from your closet and hoping it'll be enough to keep you, who's merely in an old band t-shirt from high-school and pajama shorts, warm.

The breeze hits your skin the second you open the doors to your dorm's building, and you're met with the view of Jay's sleek, black BMW that probably costs more than your tuition. He waves at you from the driver's seat, motioning for you to get in.

"To what do I owe you the pleasure at this hour," you deadpan at him with a stone-cold voice as you enter through the passenger's side door, hoping your tone was enough to hide the fact that you're giddy at the fact he invited you out at 3AM in the morning. Like a high-school girl sneaking out of her house to meet up with her bad-boy boyfriend that her parents dislike.

The second you enter his car, you're instantly comforted by the warm air blasting through his vents and his playlist softly playing in the background. Jay's pajama pants and messy hair give you more than enough information to know that he probably just rolled out of his own bed as well. You don't know why, but your view: Jay in his oversized hoodie with his unkept hair in front of your dorm building at 3AM on a Tuesday night, gives you comfort in weird ways you can't explain even if you tried.

But it's obviously just your cloudy, 3AM mind not thinking straight. Obviously.

"When I can't sleep, I go on drives around campus. It helps clear my mind," he says, looking over at you to give you a quick smile before starting his car. "Plus, SnapMap said you were still awake, so...figured you'd wanna join."

"Oh so what, you're my stalker now? You're not driving to the woods to kill me now, are you?" You tease, an eyebrow brought up. Jay lets out a laugh from beside you as he begins to drive further into your campus.

"Guess you'll just have to wait and see," he throws you a wink before reverting his gaze back to the road, mindlessly driving to wherever the road decides to take him.

A comfortable silence falls in between the two of you as Jay continues to drive endless routes around your campus. You look over to the boy driving next to you and take in his features––you don't know what changed, but you no longer feel the same anger or annoyance bubbling within you when you're around him. You're not sure when this changed, but you figure it's just the effect of desensitization. After all, you've been spending so much time with him, you're bound to get used to it. Right?

"Why were you up?" Jay finally asks after a few minutes of just the two of you silently basking in each other's presences.

"Ah, you know. The usual. Endless thoughts running through my mind, stress from school, nothing new," you sign, giving him a soft smile followed with a shrug.

"Penny for your thoughts?"

You answer him with silence as you search your head for the answer.

"I don't know. This is kinda weird, isn't it?" You don't know why you get a sudden surge of confidence, but before you can stop yourself, you find yourself rambling on. "If you had told me a month ago that I'd be here driving around with you when it's nearly 4AM, I would've laughed in your face."

Jay doesn't know whether to laugh or scoff. "Is the idea of hanging out with me that unappealing to you?"

You give him a serious look back. "I mean, up until a month ago when you needed me for whatever this game is, you literally pretended I didn't exist."

Oh. Awkward.

You freeze at your own words, mentally screaming at yourself for letting the words leave your mouth. Why, why, why.

"Y/N..." Jay says after clearing his throat after a few seconds of silence.

"No it's fine, it was a joke," you awkwardly cough and direct your attention to anything else around you right now. The view of your campus' buildings zooming by. The clicking of Jay's blinker when he switches lanes. The quiet roaring of his car's engine. The nervous tapping of his fingers against the steering wheel.

The rest of the ride is excruciatingly silent as he exits the main road and into an empty parking lot of some administration building made out of glass that has too many floors for you to count.

You don't know why you feel your heart beating in your throat as Jay puts the car into park––why you feel uneasy. You slightly turn towards him in your seat, hoping to pick up any sign of well...anything from him.

You don't know why you feel a twinge of guilt––it's not like what you said was necessarily wrong. If you were being honest, you were slightly bothered by how the two of you seemed to silently agree not to mention your past all this time. You were always one to seek answers, to seek closure. You couldn't help but bring it up––Jay was your best friend during those years. For him to just wake up one day and pretend you were nothing to him hurt you, and you couldn't help but still wonder what in the world you did to initiate his actions.

"I'm sor–" You're interrupted with his timid voice, as if he was almost afraid to speak.

"I'm not good with people." He's nibbling on his bottom lip, fingers nervously picking at a spot on the steering wheel.

You're opening and closing your mouth, unsure how to respond. You're 100% positive you look like a fish right now. Good for you.

"I don't know why. Jake calls it commitment issues but in order to have commitment, people have to stay in my life. And people just...don't. They're all bound to leave at some point. So what's the point of putting in effort into relationships if they're just going to leave you at the end?"

You're stunned by his sudden confession, not having been prepared for such a heavy topic to arise between the two of you. Up until tonight, your interactions had always been light-hearted and easy––you guys got along well. You didn't know this is how he felt all along.

But you knew where he was coming from.

You knew what Jay had gone through as a child––his mother having left him and his dad when he was young. You remember when your parents had told you the news at the young age of 13, and you remember the pain and sorrow you felt for your then friend. All you wanted to do was go to him and comfort him, but he had already cut you out from his life by then.

"Or maybe I'm the problem. My dad barely acknowledges my existence because he thinks giving me an allowance is all the parenting I need, my friends probably only stick around because they feel bad for me, you wouldn't even be here if it weren't for the bet, and, fuck, I'm literally known as the campus' fuckboy," Jay continues, falling deeper and deeper into the hole he dug himself.

He hates this, he hates opening up and feeling vulnerable, so he doesn't know why he's doing it now. He doesn't know why he feels comfortable voicing out his fears and worries when he's around you. But he does know it's a new feeling––one he doesn't know how to deal with.

"Jay," you lace your voice with as much comfort as you can provide. None of this is his fault, you want to tell him. "I'm sorry."

"Why are you sorry? You didn't do anything," he says with a hint of bitterness and you can't tell if it's directed towards you or the topic at hand.

You're completely turned in your seat now to face him––despite the fact that he refuses to meet your gaze, afraid that looking at you is gonna bring out the most vulnerable in him. "You can talk to me. Talking about it makes it a lot easier. I'll always be here for you, as a friend."

Jay doesn't know what it is or why, but something in him snaps at the sound of a certain word falling out of your lips. Friend. Friend.

Friends don't make his heart beat nervously whenever he's around them. Friends don't keep him up at 3AM in the morning, pondering about his feelings for them. Friends don't provide him with this new, warm comfort he's become accustomed to whenever he's around you.

Deep down, Jay knows you didn't mean to add fuel to the fire. But because he's strong-headed, stubborn, and hates how vulnerable he feels next to you, he unleashes his emotions without thinking about the destruction coming along.

"It's none of your business, Y/N. Forget I said anything. You're just a toy for this stupid game and when it's all over we can go back to our own lives and forget this ever happened."

His sudden words cut deep, but they hurt him more than you. The second the words tumble out of his mouth, he's hit with the feeling of instant regret washing over him, and the lump forming in his throat restricts him from finding the right words to take them back.

The silence that falls between the two of you this time is different. It's a cold silence. A loud silence.

Jay feels his walls coming back up around him––the ones you managed to get through––and all he wants to do is apologize but he's terrified. Terrified of seeing your reaction, terrified of losing you again. For the second time.

You tell yourself he doesn't mean it. You tell yourself that he's just enduring more pain that one should ever receive.

But you also tell yourself that this wouldn't be the first time Jay leaves you in the dust.

You tell yourself that you're foolish for ever believing a friendship, or more, could come out of this act at the end. That you're so naive for feeling those stupid, stupid butterflies you've started to notice in your stomach whenever you see, or even think of, him.

"Okay," you begin with a firm tone. You're hurt, but you refuse to show it. You won't let him hurt you for a second time. Not again.

"Just...find me when you need me. As your fake girlfriend or just...me. I'm still here for you," is the last thing you say before un-clicking your seatbelt and leaving his car, beginning your walk back to your dorm hall.

Jay is unsure about many things in life. He's unsure about what he wants to do in the future, he's unsure of where he's going to settle in life, heck, he's unsure about what to have for lunch tomorrow. But he's sure about one thing.

That he's wearing his heart on his sleeve right now, and it's all because of you.

That you've become this new lifeline and he has to choose between holding onto you or drowning.

When Jay wakes up the next morning, his first gut instinct is to get ready to pick you up for class. But today's different. Jay doesn't know where the two of you stand now, especially after last night.

Jay doesn't know how to deal with this combination of unknown emotions he's been feeling lately. They didn't come out of no where, by any means, he realizes. They've been slowly growing over the past month of seeing you so often––like a plant he's been watering overtime, not expecting it to bloom into a flower so suddenly––but he figured it was nothing more than just enjoying the company of a friend.

Until he realizes that the term friend just doesn't suite you anymore––not to him, at least. And that scares him. It scares him that you've made him genuinely smile more in this past month than he ever has in his 19 years of living. It scares him that when he's around you he can't comprehend his own thoughts, his feelings. It scares him that you make him vulnerable, that you've changed him. That you've managed to make the walls that he's spent so long building and polishing to crumble with a simple tap of your finger.

In a perfect world, Jay would have already told you all this––he would be unafraid of how you would react, unafraid of your rejection, unafraid of losing this growing relationship with you. But alas, we don't live in a perfect world. And so when Jay drives to class that day, he drives right past your dorm building.

"Where's Y/N?" is the first thing Jake questions when he enters Jay's car that morning, confused by your absence, having been used to you being in the front seat every morning when Jay goes to give Jake rides to class as well.

"I don't know," Jay mutters, unemotional eyes focused on the road in front of him, not interested in continuing a conversation that involves thinking about you.

Jake hesitates as curiosity gets the best of him. "Did you guys get into a fight or something?"

Jay's hands tighten around the steering wheel of his car. "Or something. Let's just leave it at that."

There are a few beats of silence before Jake speaks up again.

"Well, I guess this works out because I wanted to talk to you about something."

Jay continues to stare straight ahead of him, focusing on just trying to get by without mentally beating himself up at the simple thought of you.

The simple thought of you and your smile. Your witty remarks. Your stupid eye rolls. Your laughter. Your kindness. So much for not thinking about you.

"I'm calling it off," Jake's words catch Jay off guard.

"Huh? Calling what off?"

"The bet. I'm calling it off. I don't care about the textbook fees I'll have to pay next semester. Look, fight or not, you and Y/N are good for each other, everyone can see it. And I really don't want this to end up being one of those messed up teen TV shows where the girlfriend finds out the entire relationship was based off of a stupid game and then they break up and the boyfriend falls into eternal sadness and regret. And I don't wanna see you sad, dude. So yeah! Congrats," although he's admitting defeat, Jake's beaming widely, just content with the fact that his best friend has finally found happiness through the form of you. "You win."

But Jay feels like the opposite of a winner. Because even though his only intention coming into this was simply winning the bet, his life isn't as simple as it was a month ago. Because he discovered something much more valuable than some stupid textbook fees or five hundred dollars or getting his physics homework done for an entire semester.

Something he's scared he's already lost.

You.

⸺ ⸺ ⸺ ⸺ ⸺ ⸺ ⸺ ⸺ ⸺ ⸺ ⸺

The next time you see Jay is at the same time and place as when he first ever appeared to pick you up––at 12:17PM on a Friday afternoon, as you're exiting the doors of the lecture building home to your awfully long Capitalism in World History class. This time, however it's different.

Because this time, it's one month later, and Jay Park is no longer a forgotten side character in the story of your life. This time, you're frustrated because it's been three days since you've last heard from Jay. And because it's been three days since you've last heard from him, you can't focus on anything else, and because you can't focus on anything else, you're falling behind on every other aspect in your life. Jay's somehow managed to become the center of your life without even having to be present.

Well, up until now. Up until you go down the steps of your lecture hall's entrance and look up to be met with a figure leaning on a car you're far too familiar with. You freeze in your steps as you make eye contact with the boy you've been thinking about non-stop for the past month three days.

Your mind tells you to walk away, to just follow your flight instinct instead of fight, to just go back to your normal life. But here's the thing. Ever since Jay's made his way back to your life, it's been far from normal.

And if you're being honest, you had no interest in going back to your normal life. Normal's overrated anyways. You find your legs bringing yourself over to him, your heart leading the way.

"Hi," you simply say, planting yourself right in front of him.

"Hi."

"What are you doing here?" You already know the answer, but you want to hear him say it.

"Waiting for you," Jay doesn't hesitate in answering you. This time will be different, he tells himself.

"I can walk myself home, thanks," you state, but your actions tell differently, as you make no sign of moving from your spot in front of him.

Jay's mind contemplates telling you everything. About how he regrets that friendship-breaking decision he made that one fateful day in the eighth grade, about his true feelings, about how he first suspected these feelings when he was 11 years old and saw you in your fancy get-up for the sixth grade dance but put it off as a little crush, and about how the same feelings grew into something so, so much more in the present. But seeing that putting all these thoughts into words would involve more than one functioning brain cell (which is all he's convinced he has in the moment, for the view of you staring up at him, looking like that, has his brain short-circuiting), he settles with:

"He called it off. It's over. The bet."

"Oh."

Silence.

Okay, Jay. This is your chance. Say it.

"Is that it?" You lift an eyebrow, awaiting for more explanation. When it doesn't come, you slightly nod and start backing away. "I'll see you around then."

Is that it? Do the two of you just go back to your respective lives now? How can Jay do that, when he doesn't even recall what his life was like before you entered it––and especially when he has absolutely no interest in going back to that life?

Fuck it.

"Y/N!" He stands up straight, a newfound confidence taking over. This time will be different, he tells himself. Because now, he knows what he wants. For sure.

You turn towards him, to see him already making his way towards you, stopping in his steps when he finds himself close enough to you that he can't concentrate anymore.

"I'm sorry for ditching you in the eighth grade. I'm sorry for ignoring you since then. I'm sorry for dragging you into this stupid mess and for pushing you away and I'm sorry for calling you a toy. Because it's far from truth. I like you. A lot. And––and I'm scared. I'm scared of what this means for us, because I just keep messing things up and all I know is that I don't wanna wake up tomorrow and realize you're not in my life anymore and––"

"Woah, woah, Jay. Slow down," you look up at him, the corners of your lips threatening to curve up into a smile. "You're an idiot, you know."

Jay's never really confessed his feelings to anyone before, per say, so he doesn't really know what to expect. But he's watched enough Netflix rom-coms in this lifetime (which is still not that many) to know that hearing the words "you're an idiot" isn't what you're supposed to hear after pouring your heart and soul out. Surely not, right?

"I––I'm not sure how to respond to that," he quietly says, searching your eyes for a sign, for anything. You giggle at his sudden shyness as you grab both his arms and look at him right in the eyes.

"It's okay. I get it, if anything, I'm also scared. But you somehow got me wrapped around your stupid finger, and I hate it," you smirk at him, your hands slowly making their way up his arms to circle around his neck.

Jay's hands naturally fall at your waist as he lets out a breathe he didn't even know he was holding as he returns your smirk. "Well, I could say the same about you. And I also hate it, for your information."

"Hmm, is that so? I guess it cancels out then, right?" You smile at him as he's pulling you in so close, your head turns cloudy.

Jay grins at you, his eyes holding so much joy and endearment as they quickly flicker down to your lips before returning to your own eyes. "I guess this only means one thing then."

"Mm, and what's that?"

And before Jay can answer––and because your life's been anything but normal lately––you make the first move this time, moving your head up to close the small gap between the two of you.

His arms instinctively tighten around you as you capture his lips with your very own, and Jay swears he's about to lift off into space right now. He's on cloud nine, and he makes no plans to touch the ground ever again.

The kiss quickly becomes fervent, all the pent-up tension that the two of you had for one another finally finding its way out, all the words that were previously left unsaid finally expressing themselves. You don't even care if you're being judged by the conservative faculty members of your school right now, or by the looks of fellow students walking past the two of you.

You try your best to keep yourself from smiling as he continues to press his lips against yours, his hand moving to hold your chin, guiding your mouth with his.

Before you find yourself getting carried away, you step back to take a breath, resting your forehead against his chest as his hands rest against your back. He smiles at the sound of you giggling against him.

Jay takes a step back to take one look at you and realizes, in this moment, that change can be good. And he's willing to undergo this change. As long as it's with you.

⸺ ⸺ ⸺ ⸺ ⸺ ⸺ ⸺ ⸺ ⸺ ⸺ ⸺

The next morning, you bounce down the steps of your dorm building's entrance to meet the wide, bright smile of your ex-childhood-bestfriend-turned-fake-boyfriend-turned-real-boyfriend waiting for you in front of his car, small pastry bag in hand. You smile back at him.

Jay drives you to class that day.

And everyday after that.

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ :

✰ let me know what you think! if u made it til the end, mwah :') <3

#finally finally finally #im so sorry this took so long #anyways #enhypen #enhypen imagines #enhypen fics #enhypen scenarios #enhypen oneshots #enhypen jay #jaypark #enhypen jay park #park jongseong #jay park #enhypen fluff #enhypen angst #enhypen x reader #enhypen jay fluff #enhypen jay angst #enhypen jay fic #jay park x reader #enhypen jay imagine #enhypen jay oneshot #jay fluff #jay park fluff #iland #iland jay park #iland jay #iland imagines #jay #kpop

[delicrieux]

☆ﾐ 𝚖𝚊𝚔𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚜𝚊𝚢 “𝚘𝚑”

PART 10: BIG DICK IS BACK IN TOWN

y/n is back in brooklyn for the holidays. thinking that a stream will make her feel less homesick for cali, she starts working on her famously titled hentai.free.srv. what was supposed to be a relaxing stream turns into a special delivery about two hours in.

─── corpse husband x reader ─── soc. media + written fiction! ─── word count: 2.2k ─── ❥ req: Here's one... You know those apps for delivery like Domino's or whatnot... What if reader is streaming Among Us with Corpse, and reader mentions they're hungry and Corpse offers to order them food, and readers like no no it's fine... Then there's delivery at the door (Corpse ordered beforehand) 

author’s note: fucky format is also back in town baby!!! also if you find any mistakes - no u didnt <3 thank u everyone for enjoying this story sm i literally cant believe how feral yall going strawberry cow was a nuclear explosion im still recovering tbh. got an ask a while ago and decided to incorporate it into myso. happy holidays everyone! myso will continue on monday!

ultimate masterlist.  ҉  myso masterlist   ҉   previous.  ҉   next.

✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼

✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼

Indeed, being soft on any social media platform was the biggest disgrace and needed to be eliminated post haste. Moreover, it was a slippery slope - once you start flooding your timeline with cute imagery and heart emojis, what will stop you from posting inspirational Facebook quotes? Disgusting. If Rae were here, she would chide you (not you thinking about her as if she’s dead or something). For once in your life, you feel like you deserve it. 

Alas, you hope this little chaos you’ve caused is enough to throw everyone off. The stans, especially. You know the hashtags, you’ve seen ARMY scourging for info online with the same fervor and ruthlessness 1 Direction fans hacked airport security cameras just to spy on the boys. If you had any dirty secrets online, they are out to the public now - thankfully, besides the Harry Styles stan account (with edits and all), you have nothing. Though, now that you think about it, exposed nudes would have been better than your Punk!Harry edit receiving almost a million views. God, your life’s a fucking mess.

Your fans aren’t the only ones out for info - you, too, are trying to decipher Rae’s message. Code: Barbecue Sauce. The two of you had come up with it roughly two years ago, around the same time when you promised that if you didn’t find significant others by the time you’re 40, you’ll just marry each other. It was one of the many rules found in your friendship codex. Barbecue Sauce signifies information - an exchange of information. And depending on how it ends or begins (”So I’m sitting there” alludes to Rae, “On my titties” alludes to you), secret data on that person is given away, usually free of charge. 

But why? And to whom did Rae give away what? You had pestered her mercilessly and even sent some voice messages where you were crying. You were only crying because of a video of a grandpa smiling you saw on TikTok, but you are a snake, and so you put those tears to good use. If streaming doesn’t work out, you’ll just become an actress. Hollywood would love you. Your PR firm sure as fuck wouldn’t, though.

Rae was having none of it. She said you’ll figure it out eventually. Told you to channel your superior puzzle skills. You were quick to remind her that you can barely count to ten without having an aneurysm. Oddly serious, she admitted that she worries for you sometimes. Why only sometimes?! you demanded. She merely sighed. uttering under her breath something that sounded closely to “Boke.”

You leave her for barely a week and she’s already neck deep in the gay volleyball anime, hoodie and cardboard cutout and everything. Your life is falling apart.

But Brooklyn is nice. It had snowed when you stepped off of the plane. Thousands of snowflakes sprinkling into your hair, dotting your cheeks and nose. You missed this sight back in Cali. You missed your parents, too. 

Home cooked meals, old sweaters, your old room and about 40GB worth of old high school pictures on your computer. You went through them all one night. Some were stomach churning, cringe inducing nightmares. You were especially fond of those. Texted some of your friends that were still in Brooklyn, met up, decided to bake. Bad idea, Rae was the resident chef back in Cali. Besides laughing till your stomach hurt, and almost burning down your kitchen, nothing all that significant happened. Somewhere down the line, at about 3 am, half-way through a cheesy rom-com you had the overwhelming urge to text Corpse.

That’s where the problems really started. God, you missed California, missed being in the same timezone with a guy you hadn’t even met yet, how embarrassing is that?! You missed skating around and taking pictures of the beach in the setting sun, sending it to him, silently wishing he was with you to admire the view. 

You really want to call him. And to hang out with him. But for some reason, the thought of that springs up immediate anxiety and you shy away from asking. Him sending you cute good morning texts doesn’t help, either. Maybe it’s better he doesn’t know that you’re a blushing, stuttering mess each time you read “baby”. 

Late evening. Your stream is already set up, people are slowly trickling in and you greet them with a grin and a soft “Hello! Hi hi!”. You did your best to make your room a perfectly chaotic backdrop - led lights, an embarrassing amount of anime merch and plushies. You always try to balance out your weeb side by dressing hot as fuck for your streams - today’s inspiration just so happens to be egirls. Mostly because you watched one too many egirl make-up tutorials on TikTok, and also because you’ve been listening to Corpse’s song all day.

Yeah, no, who are you kidding, you dressed up this way because you were hoping Corpse was watching your stream. You didn’t forget your cat headphones, either. You know he likes them. You want to make him suffer. Perhaps then, finally, he will ask you out, so you wouldn’t have to.

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“I feel like,” You start when you put away your phone, staring idly at the chat, “I feel like I need a new name for you guys. Calling you guys after two years of streaming is just... weird, no? I also don’t respect men so I don’t want to call you guys. Like, so many creator’s have, like, a name for their fans. Uhm, Cody Ko has the chodesters, Kurtis Conner has, uh, folks? Kurtis Town? Citizens! Markiplier has mommy issues--” You can’t help snorting, “So, I’ve been, like, thinking - I know, shocking! - so I was thinking I’m gonna name you cockroaches. Because you’re grimy little shits impossible to kill. And also then I can use the legendary Minaj meme ROACHES!”

Your stream enthusiastically echoes ROACHES, making the chat swim. Yes, if anyone would enjoy such a name, it would be your audience. You’re as equally proud as you are disturbed.

“Well, anyway.” Leaning back into your chair, you throw your arms out with a bright grin, “Big dick is back in town, baby! If you noticed the backdrops different, it’s cuz I’m in Brooklyn now. Don’t ask me when I will return to Always Sunny, I don’t plan that far ahead.”

While Minecraft boots up, you decide to answer a few questions.

r u dating sykkuno?

You want to smack your head into the keyboard, but as it is, you can’t exactly afford a new one, so you refrain, “No, Sykkuno and I are not dating, we are just good friends. Uhm, I’m not sure how much I’ll have to repeat this, but, we really aren’t, so if the roaches could chill - Oh my God, that sounds so stupid, I love it - uh, yeah, if the roaches could chill that’d be great.”

the roaches lmao sounds like we’re a sports team

“Oh shit, yeah it does, uh-- maybe I can make like, jerseys or something. That’d be cool, I think.”

how disappointed are your parents with the way your life turned out?

“My parents are actually not disappointed at all!” You say with a cute little smile, “Uhm, they’re both really proud, actually. They’re glad I found something I love doing and made a job outta it. Dad finds my Youtube videos endearing. Yes, they watch pretty much all of my videos, unless I explicitly tell them not to. And yeah, with all the fucks and thirsting for anime characters. Uhm, it was very embarrassing at first, but I mean, after a while, shame just...doesn’t exist anymore, I guess? Funny thing about my parents, actually, when they watch my videos-” You eye catches a comment, “Oh! No, they only watch my Youtube videos. They don’t know how to use Twitter, thank God. Uhm, anyway-- when they hear a name they don’t know, like, I dunno, Dabi, or something, they google--” You’re grinning by now, eyes crinkling, giggling softly, “--who that is, and buy me like, merch and stuff. It’s really cute. 

can i be adopted by ur parents plz

will you and corpse ever collab?!

You were about to answer, though the man of the hour himself decides to do it for you.

Corpse_Husband: yes.

Okay, not to say your heart skipped a beat, but it totally did. With a pleased smile, you nod, like one of those bobble head toys sold at the dollar store. The motion is oddly reminiscent of Sykkuno’s own nod. Perhaps you had picked it up from him. The chat seems to notice.

pack it up, sykkuno

More questions pile about this mysterious collab you and Corpse are planning. Yeah, you’d like to hear more about it, too, since he single highhandedly decided one was happening right now. Corpse remains silent. Fine, keep your secrets. 

“Okay, guys, oh, I mean, roaches, Oh my God--” You’re covering your mouth, giggling, “-calling all roaches, calling all roaches, calm down. Everyone grab a snack and a blanket I’m turning up the music volume so we can all chill. Entering chill zone. Entering chill zone. Roaches, prepare.”

we are prepared

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An hour or so passes and you grow hungry. It shows with the amount of cakes you had baked in your server. Currently, you find yourself throwing eggs at the wall of one of the renovated houses, your face scrunched in concentration and slight frustration. 24 of the 50 eggs have been wasted. “What’s a girl gotta do to get some chicks around here?” you had uttered under your breath, until, finally, a screech - the egg finally spawns a mob. Your mouth falls open, “Aww, look!” You approach it, so small, walking in zigzags beside you, “It’s a baby chicken! Die, bitch.” The baby chicken is no more as you swing your bedazzled (you have mods) diamond sword. You’re cackling by the time the dust settles.

y/n is a child murderer

“Roaches,” You address your fan-base, spurring another fit of laughter - you can’t get over the name, “I think I’m like, forgetting that eating in Minecraft won’t actually make less hungry in real life.”

take a break and go eat queen <3

“Fuck no, we starve and die like men. Now I actually really need another chicken.”

Another twenty minutes trickle by and you’re trying to lure back a panda from the jungle when there’s a knock on your bedroom’s door. Whipping your head to the side, you slide down your headphones. At the same time, your mom pokes her head through the ajar door, “MOM!” You scream, “Get OUT of my room I’m playing Minecraft!” But your yell has no actual bite to it, as you don’t manage to hide your smile. Your mom laughs, doing some sort of sign language and motioning for you to follow her with her head. That or it’s some sort of performative dance. 

“I’m live right now,” You tell her, pointing at your screen. She knows this already, though, “do you want to say hi?” 

The roaches spam the chat with friendly hellos. You mom, quite impatient now, waves you over. 

“Sorry, roaches, mom needs something. Be back in a bit!”

Stopping the stream, you rush out of your seat and pleased she slinks into the hallway. “What’s this about?”

“Your pizza came.”

“My what now?” You echo, confused.

“Domino’s. You ordered pizza?”

“What? No? I was busy with the stream, I never--”

Thankfully, you had managed to grab your phone from your room before you exited. You almost choke on spit once you read the messages.

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You decide that it’ll be impossible to stream after experiencing what you had just experienced. You tweet out a quick apology to the roaches (God, that fucking name) and say that you had a breakdown but you’re okay. That is as a close to the truth as you managed to muster. It’s a sad sight, chewing and crying; your mom winced when she saw your state - disheveled hair and rundown eyeliner and everything. “D’aww,” She had muttered, caressing the top of your head, “don’t cry my little raccoon.”

If anyone was ever to ask you where did your chaotic nature come from, you’d answer with my mom. To make yourself feel better, you took a selfie - duck face and peace sign and the horrible 2000′s angle. Sent it to Rae. 

looking hot, her message read. 

thanks, was all you replied with.

You couldn’t just leave things as they were. Once you calmed down, you wanted to text Corpse, but how would you follow up the ungodly caps lock and screeching? Impossible. An idea sprung to mind, one that was brave. Taking the first step.

Instead of sending a text, you sent a voice memo.

“Thank you for the pizza, it was delicious.”

You voice still sounded a bit raspy. His reply was instant. Your heart skipped a beat. He sent a voice memo back.

“Glad you liked it, baby.”

He was going to be the death of you.

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tags (in italics is those i couldn’t tag! make sure all’s ok w your settings!) : @littlebabysandboxburritos - @fairywriter-oracle - @tsukishimawh0re - @ofstarsanddreams - @bbecc-a - @annshit - @leahh19 - @letsloveimagines - @bellomi-clarke - @wineandionysus - @guiltydols - @onephootinfrontoftheother - @liamakorn - @thirstyfangirl - @lilysdaydreams - @pan-ini - @mxqicshxp - @tanchosanke - @yoshinorecommends - @flightsandfantasy - @liljennyx3 - @slashersdream - @unknown-and-invisible - @sinister-sleep - @fivedicksinatrenchcoat - @mercury–moon - @peterparkerspjsuit - @unstableye - @simonsbluee - @shinyshimaagain - @ppopty - @siriuslystupid - @crapimahuman - @ofthedewthesunlight - @mythicalamphitrite - @artsyally - @corpsesimpp - @corpsewhitetee - @corpse-husbandsimp - @hyp-oh-critical - @roses-and-grasses - @rhyrhy462 - @sparklylandflaplawyer - @charbkgo - @airwaveee - @creativedogs - @kaitlyn2907 - @loxbbg - @afuckingunicornn - @fleurmoon - @yeolliedokai - @truly-dionysus - @multi-fandom-central707

more tags are in the comments bcs tumblr only allows me to tag 50 people max 💙

#corpse husband #corpse #corpse husband x reader #corpse x reader #corpse husband imagine #corpse social media au #corpse husband fanfic #social media au #corpse husband x y/n #corpse x y/n #corpse husband fic #reader #xreader #imagine #imagines #myso #make you say oh

[azaleavi]

“All of the songs are about you”

Requested by anon: Hi, first of all I want to thank you for all your amazing work that you share with us, I absolutely adore everything that you write!!! Secondly, I was wondering if I could request something with Sebastian, where reader is a famous singer and younger than him, and when they reveal their relationship, people start saying that he is only using her and he gets worried that she will leave him for someone her age. Once again, thank you! 😚

Word count: 2k

Author's note: Thank you for your kind words dear nonnie! I hope you like it.

Warning(s): language

Feedback is always appreciated and don’t forget to reblog and like if you enjoyed it and want to see more. Thank you!

Masterlist

Both of you being famous wasn't easy with you being a singer and Sebastian being an actor. Especially when you wanted to keep your relationship a secret and you were quite younger than him. You have been dating for a while now and you couldn't be more in love with him. He was your muse for many of your songs, but the fans didn't know that. They did notice though that you started writing more love songs than before. You got questions about it almost every day, but you never answered them. They had their speculations, but you never confirmed any of it. It might be selfish, but you wanted to keep him all to yourself and both of you agreed to wait a little more before going public. He was promoting his new movie and you didn't want people to think that you announced your relationship only to give more publicity to it. But sometimes the universe doesn't care what you want.

It was a normal day, like any other, when you were at Sebastian's house and you started craving some McDonald's. The weather was nice for the time being past 10 pm so you decided to go out to buy it instead of ordering. It was dark already so you weren't afraid that anybody would see or recognize you. It was a five minute walk from his house and you thought it would be nice have a short walk. You waited for Sebastian to lock the front door then started walking down the street hand in hand. It probably wasn't the best idea, but you really didn't think that any paparazzi would be near you. You went into the fast food place to buy what you needed, then started walking back to his place, laughing at a story he was telling you. You loved these late night walks, the dark giving you a sense of comfort.

"Baby" he stopped walking as still giggled, making you stop as well. You turned to him, eyebrows raised in question, a smile still on your face. "I love you" he blurted out, intently looking at you, waiting for your reaction. He never said it before, despite dating for almost 6 months now. You didn't say it either yet, not wanting to make him uncomfortable or rush him. After his last relationship he wanted to be extra sure when saying the three words and you understood him. Your heart skipped a few beats at his confession, the smile widening on your lips.

"I love you too, Seb." you beamed, stepping closer to him and pulling him into a hug.

"Thank god." he mumbled into your hair, making you pull away.

"What do you mean 'thank god'? How could I not feel the same way about you? Haven't you heard the songs I wrote lately?" you asked jokingly in disbelief, but knowing he didn't mean it like that.

"You know what I mean" he blushed under the light of the streetlamp.

"I do" your arms going around his neck you pulled him down into a deep kiss. When you broke apart you walked back to his house to finally eat.

What you didn't realize was that there was a paparazzi following you, getting the perfect angle of your kiss, taking a series of photos.

The next morning you were woken up by your phone essentially exploding with calls and messages. You groaned as you reached for it, barely being able to touch it as Sebastian refused to let go of your waist.

"Why is your phone waking us up at the ass crack of dawn?" he groaned, rubbing his eyes.

"I don't know" you unlocked it to see at least 25 calls from your manager and another few from friends and family. Around the same amount of texts were sent as well, making you sit up in bed, confused. "Something is wrong." he sat up at your tone to look at your phone. You dialed your manager, putting it on speaker. She picked up right away.

"What the fuck are you doing?" she almost screamed into the device, making Sebastian look at you.

"I was sleeping. It's 7 am." you explained.

"Care to tell me why is you and Sebastian kissing plastered on every news site on the internet right now?" your whole world stopped at her words.

"What did you say?" Sebastian spoke up as you were still frozen in your spot.

"Oh your partner in crime is there too? Great. I don't have to say this twice." she was being sarcastic, but you didn't care. You just wanted an explanation.

"Tell us what is happening, please" you pleaded.

"There are multiple pictures of you going around. They are claiming that they took them last night." she explained, but that wasn't enough.

"What pictures?" you asked.

"Pictures of you holding hands and kissing." you ran your hand through your hair.

"Fuck" Sebastian sighed.

"That's an understatement." you heard shuffling on the other side. "So I recommend you guys figure out what you are going to do and do it real fast because it is getting out of hand."

"Yeah, sure we will do that." he took the phone from you. "Thanks."

"Just doing my work." she ended the call with a sigh. Sebastian looked at you as you stared at your legs, deep in thought.

"Hey" he brushed his hand up your back, shaking you out of your mind.

"Yeah?" you looked at him, startled.

"We need to do something." he explained.

"Yeah, yeah, sure. What should we do? Go public? I mean we don't really have any other choice." you furrowed your brows.

"Do you want that?" he wanted you to be hundred percent okay with whatever you were going to do.

"Yes, I just hoped it wouldn't happen like this." you sighed. "Do you want that?" you asked back.

"Yes. We already talked about going public so I guess we will have to do it now." he shrugged.

"How are we doing this then?" you stood up to get dressed, getting ready for the day.

"Posting a video on TikTok?" he grinned.

"Absolutely not. We are not posting on Tiktok." you shook your head, laughing.

"So where do you want it? Facebook?" he raised his eyebrows, joking.

"No." you laughed. "I was thinking about posting a pic on Instagram." you threw out the idea. Both of you used the app a lot so it would be the best choice.

"Okay, let's find a picture." he also stood up.

"Ah-ah" you held out your hand to stop him. "You talk to your manager while I pick out a picture to post on my account and you can post one on yours if you want to. Mine is going to be a surprise." you grinned, already having one in mind. It was your favorite picture of you, taken by a friend without your knowledge. You were in a parking lot at the beach, you sitting on the hood of his car while he was standing between your legs, kissing you. There was a second picture, where you were leaning your forehead against his, both of you laughing at your friends shouting at you to get a room. Both of your faces were clearly seen on them so you decided to post both of them.

'All of the songs are about you' the caption read. In seconds your notifications were blowing up with comments from fans. You didn't want to read them, because you knew how people on the internet could get and you knew that you being younger than him would bother some of them. Sebastian came out of the bedroom to sit next to you.

"You posted it?" he asked, taking out his phone.

"Yep" you smiled. You leaned your head against his shoulder as he opened the app, waiting for his reaction. He immediately searched up your name and tapped on the photo. His thumb froze on the little heart as he read the caption. He put the phone down and grabbed your chin to pull you to his soft lips in a kiss.

"I love you." he mumbled into your lips.

"I love you too." you giggled. He pulled away to pick up the phone to leave a comment. 'If I wrote songs mine would be about you too' you snorted at it. "You are cute"

-

A few days later you had enough courage to check the comments people were leaving online. Maybe it wasn't the best idea.

'Jesus. Isn't he like 12 years older than her?? Gross'

'He is definitely using her lmao but I can't blame him, get that coin king'

'Y'all think she calls him daddy in the bedroom kjsdnhs'

'She is just using him to write songs'

There were nice comments as well, calling you cute together and wishing you well. The mean comments always stuck with you more though and you didn't want Sebastian to read them. It was enough that you went through them. Both of you were a little insecure about your age gap, but you loved each other so you helped the other through the harder times.

You got to his house and walked in as he asked you to not to knock anymore. You found him sitting on his couch, phone in hand. Hoping that he wasn't doing what you thought he was doing you sat down next to him. He had instagram open.

"Seb" you sighed, taking the phone out of his hands.

"What? I just wanted to see what they were saying." he tried to defend himself.

"You shouldn't read these." you shook your head. "So you wanna watch a movie?" you changed the subject. He agreed with your suggestion.

The movie had been playing for a half an hour when he pulled away from your cuddling.

"What if they are right?" his voice was so quiet so almost didn't hear him. You paused the movie to look at him.

"What do you mean?" you asked, confused by his sudden outburst.

"The comments saying that you could do so much better than me" he kept looking at his feet. You sat up and grabbed his chin to turn his head towards you, your heart breaking at his words. This was exactly why you didn't want him to read them.

"Baby" you sighed. "They are not right. Not even by far. I could not find anyone better than you even if I tried. But I'm not trying because I have you with me and you are the best thing that happened to me in a long time. So get that thought out of your head." you stared into his eyes to get your point across.

"But don't you want someone your age?"

"No I don't." you shook your head. "I am perfectly happy with you and I don't need anyone else." you held his cheeks between your palms. "Plus I like it that you are older." you smirked making him chuckle lightly. Climbing onto his lap you pulled him closer. "I love it that you are more experienced." you pressed a soft kiss on his cheek. "I love it that you are taller." a kiss under his ear. "I love it that you are always so so sweet to everyone you meet." a kiss on his nose. Your right hand went into his hair as your lips kissed down to his neck. "And I love the way you make me feel when it's just the two of us." you whispered into his ear, your breath hitting his skin, making him let out a moan. He grabbed your waist in a strong grip. "I love how big your hands are." you nipped at his skin on his neck earning another noise of pleasure and his fingers digging into your skin. "But most importantly" you pulled away so you could look into his eyes to show your sincerity. "I love you. All of you. With everything I have." his eyes softened as he pulled you into a passionate kiss.

"I love you too."

Permanent taglist: @byatomoe

Sebastian Stan taglist: @wobblymug @sleutherclaw @toms-spiders @sarcastically-defensive17 @allforkook @jeremyrennerfanxxxx123 @mrsbarnesinmyimagination @bbl32 @wakandabiitch2

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