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escapewriter · 4 years

Text

part 22 - because of love

LIE AGAIN

pairing : idol!vernon x musician!female reader

word count : 1.3k

warnings : fluff🙂

a/n : i apologize if there are any grammar mistakes. also, im sorry if its bad😞 im not very good writing this way.

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vernon inhaled and exhaled slowly to calm down his beating heart. he knew she was out there, he knew she wasn’t expecting a lot, he knew that she would this he’s crazy for doing this stupid thing, and yet, his racing heart continued to beat into overdrive.

“you ready man?” wonwoo sat beside vernon, dressed and inears all set, “ready as ill ever be.” the two made their way to backstage by the sound equipment where the rest of the boys were. bringing all their hands together, connecting their thumbs, all of their heads turned to seungcheol, expecting a speech of encouragement. “okay, first show of the tour. lets start this off right,” he brought his voice lower so only the huddled group can hear him and not the staff scurrying around them, “wonwoo, vernon, we got your back, no matter what you do, make it up to them,” they looked at each other and smiled, returning their attention back to their leader, nodding their heads. “well then, lets make this memory last a lifetime, lets have each others backs and make carats proud,” seungcheol paused, taking a breathe, “say the name!” “seventeen!” the group unfolded, patting each others backs in hopes of easing the nerves for one another.

“okay! okay! 30 seconds! everyone to your places!”

yn and jiyeon sat back in their chair taking a break from all the singing and screaming as a vcr playing on the big screen. yn leaned her head on jiyeon, “they weren’t kidding when they said theyre good,” a laugh erupted from jiyeons chest until it slowly died down. “yn?” her friend hummed, hearing her call her name, “they haven’t been to our side at all, they probably dont know we’re here.” yn lifted her head off her friends shoulder, “oh well, maybe its for the best. the concerts coming close to an end anyway, you wanna leave early so we can avoid traffic? plus im not feeling very well.” jiyeon had a debate in her head and looked at yn, “we can always watch very nice on youtube, lets go.”

dino ran down the hallway, speeding towards the dressing room where the rest of his brothers were. he barged in, slouching over with one hand on the doorknob and one on his knee. the boys looked over towards their youngest, worry and confusion written in their eyes. seungcheol walked up to dino and softly gripped his shoulders, pushing him to stand up straight, “what’s wrong?” dino attempted to talk with his heavy breathing, “yn-, jiyeon-, ah, th-they uh, um they, oh my god i cant breathe can i have WATER?”

they brought him to the couch, refreshing him with a bottle of water. after a couple of gulps, he set the water down, “i just saw jiyeon and yn leave their seats.” the boy looked up at his older brothers, mainly in search of the two who wanted them here the most. wonwoo was slouched in the seat, looking down on his lap, vernon was leaning against the wall with his arms crossed. seeing the distraught looks on their faces, mingyu immediately went to his phone, texting the two to stay a little longer.

“how the hell did they see us leave??” yn laughed a at jiyeon, who was holding her arm, “i guess they knew us so well. maybe we should just wait by the merch area and sit down so we dont have to walk all the way back.” jiyeon nodded her head and they made their way over to a bench and sat down. “how’s your stomach feeling?” yn had her hand over her tummy, softly rubbing it to sooth the pain, “could be better, maybe very nice being played a couple hundred times would make me feel better.”

the crowd began to scream as they heard the booming voice of dk. “MY CARATS, how are you doing tonight so far?” the fans screamed in response as all 13 of the boys smiled out into the crowd. seungcheol then spoke, causing more screams to erupt from the chests of thousands of girls. “well before we hit our final song of the night, theres a special announcement we have to make,” his voice faded as jiyeon and yn were left curious. “jiyeon, lets stand over there so we can try to see what it is.”

the two girls made their way to the curtain where it opens to the big arena. all 13 boys stood in a line while vernon and wonwoo stood in the middle of all of them while their bothers looked at them. the two stepped forward, carats screaming to get their attention. they waved for a bit and finally, vernon spoke, “hi guys, so wonwoo and i have something to confess.” the girls eyes were wide, fear for their soulmates running through their veins, “wonwoo and i found our soulmates. however, in fear of our company forces us apart, we thought we made the right decision by letting them go,” wonwoo stepped closer to vernon, continuing the speech, “obviously, it was a terrible idea because we’re dying inside. we thought it was for the best for us and for them, but nothing can break apart the power of ones soulmate connection.” they took a breath, the rest of their members coming up behind them to support them. vernon brought the mic up to his lips, “theyre here at the concert, or, they were here. she probably didnt know but i saw her, and i really hopes she knows that i saw her, and she looks beautiful,” aww’s broke out in the arena, echoing off the walls, bringing wide smiles onto vernon and wonwoo’s faces, as well as jiyeon’s and yn’s.

wonwoo took a deep breath, mentally preparing himself, “our company, pledis entertainment is one of the only companies who is against the soulmate system. they threaten their idols who find their soulmate, that if they dont break up with their soulmate, then they get kicked out of the company,” he turned to look at vernon, unable to continue and silently asking the younger to help, “the thought of that kinda scared us, which led us to do some impulsive things, but we’re risking it right now because of love.” “man that was cheesy,” laughter erupted at seungkwan’s comment and vernon rolled his eyes.

“anyway, you all know one of our songs on this album called lie again, right?” jiyeon looked at yn, eyes wide as she started jumping excitedly, “dude thats your song.” right on cue, vernon spoke, “that song, i didnt write it, and woozi didn’t either. its really special to me because my soulmate was the one who wrote it. it’s very beautiful and conveys a feeling in which i have felt the whole time i was away from her, so without any more delays, here’s lie again, dedicated to both,” he turned to wonwoo, “jiyeon,” “and yn.” the boys got into their positions as lie again began to play.

the two girls stood there hugging each other in awe, with love and warmth in their hearts. “you know, the song you wrote was perfect for them.” yn nodded her head at jiyeons comment. “you trust wonwoo?” “you trust vernon?” the two stared each other down and laughed, returning their attention back to the performance. they both had conflicted feelings about what happened, because they didnt want to be the cause of vernon or wonwoo doing something that they regret later. however the thought slipped out of their minds after finally making eye contact with their soulmates.

“damn jiyeon, we really are living the harry styles fan fiction right now.”

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#seventeen #seventeen sm au #seventeen social media au #jeonghan #jihoon #joshua #junhui #lee chan #minghao #mingyu #seokmin #seungcheol #vernon #wonwoo #soonyoung #seungkwan #svt #LIE AGAIN AU

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a-small-batch-of-dragons · 4 years

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okay so in one of your quarantine drabbles you write about peter having a sensory overload i think and nat asks "how long?" and then she finds out it isnt long for peter and basically im saying id love to see the aftermath of peter's long episodes- maybe he like walks into a movie night where the other avengers are hanging and didnt tell him to try and let him sleep or something? idk it may be stupid i just thought it might be cute

Thanks for the prompt, babe! It’s been a while since I looked at that one ^-^ I hope you like it!

Read on Ao3

Pairings: Momma and Baby Spider. We love us some platonic Avengers.

Warnings: aftermath of sensory overload episode, other than that, hella fluffy

Word Count: 1869

Pretty much every time FRIDAY pops up a panel in her room, Natasha doesn’t pay a lot of attention because typically it’s something she knows already.

Not this time.

The window pops up as Natasha comes out of the bathroom, twisting her hair into a braid. It shows Peter sitting quietly by himself on the couch in the common room.

“FRIDAY, is Natasha in her room?”

“Yes.”

She expects Peter to get up and start walking towards the elevator but instead, he stays on the couch, twisting his hands together.

“…do you think she’d be okay with me going over?”

“Yes.”

He still doesn’t get up. Oh, Peter.

Natasha sighs and tosses the comb back onto the sink. Once arriving at the Complex, she’d had a feeling that this might happen. Considering how Peter had vanished into the lab within five minutes of arriving and only now, three hours later, has he emerged, it’s less of a feeling now.

“Do you—“

“Stop stalling, Peter, and go.”

Thank god for FRIDAY, hmm? She’s pretty certain if anyone else had tried to say that to him it wouldn’t’ve worked. The screen closes as Peter gets up with an: “okay, okay, I’m going.”

Natasha sits down on the bed and presses her hands together under her chin. “How bad is it?”

“Bad,” the AI summarizes helpfully.

“Okay,” she breathes, getting up and going to the closet.

She opens the doors and reaches up, looking for the thick comforter. She pulls it down. Perfect. It’s nice and soft and thanks to being up on the top shelf it’s nice and cool. Spreading it over the bed, she straightens up just in time for the soft chime of the door.

Natasha pulls on the fluffy grey cardigan and goes to answer. Peter looks so much smaller standing swamped in his pink sweater than he did on the cameras.

“Ms. Romanoff?” Oh, dear. “Are — are you busy?”

“Come in, Солнышко,” she says instead, stepping aside.

Peter smiles — or at least the corners of his mouth quirk up a little bit — and walks through the door, glancing around the room. There isn’t anything Natasha can see, which means Peter’s not alright.

Obviously, we knew that, and we didn’t need the confirmation.

“Of course,” Natasha said. She closed the door. “What’s going on, Peter?”

'I just, um, wanted to see how you were settling in for the night—“

“Peter.”

Peter freezes. Then he looks over at Natasha, and swallows hard. “…sorry, habit.”

“I know.” Peter hides very well behind civility and the service mask. It’s the hardest one to take off, especially when it works so well.

“…are you settling in okay?” Case in point. Natasha’s about to chide him when she catches sight of Peter’s face. “Please?”

Natasha’s known Peter long enough to know what he’s really asking. “I’m just here relaxing, Peter, you’re not interrupting anything. I just got out of the shower when you arrived.”

“…thanks.”

She reaches out, offering her hand. Peter nods. She takes him lightly by the arm and tugs him toward the bed. “Now, what’s wrong, Солнышко?”

Poor Peter looks like he’s about ten seconds from falling over. He tries to stand up and Natasha’s chest clenches when he wobbles terribly.

“Easy,” she murmurs, catching him by the shoulders and sitting him back down, “talk to me.”

“…it’s…it’s been a really long day,” Peter mumbles, “and I, um…it started at school.”

“I see.” So more than three hours.

“And, um…” Peter hesitates. Then his arms go tightly around his waist. He laughs. For one second. Then it turns into a hitched gasp. It settles like a dead weight in Natasha’s chest.

“Obviously it didn’t go as well as I would’ve liked.”

“…oh, Peter, come here.”

Every single ounce of Natasha’s body is screaming at her to cuddle the poor kid until he can’t cry anymore. She tucks Peter’s head under her chin and works her hand under the iron grip the kid’s got on his own waist to rest on his lower stomach, rubbing softly to ground him.

It starts tensing under her hand and the hitching of his breaths makes Natasha curl her arms around him. Damn, she wishes she were better at this. All she does is clutch Peter closer as he begins to shake, making soothing noises.

“I didn’t know it was gonna be that bad, I wanted—I wanted to get work done today but I couldn’t and I just wanted to—“

“Shh, shh, you don’t have to explain, shh, I’ve got you.”

It takes a while, to neither of their surprises, but eventually, Peter stills and buries his face in Natasha’s neck, nuzzling into the collar of her sweater.

“…thank you for understanding, Nat,” he mumbles.

“Of course,” Natasha replies automatically, running her hand through Peter’s hair. As she feels Peter start to slump, an idea comes to her head. Something to help him fall asleep.

“Hey, listen,” she says softly, giving Peter’s head a little shake, “sometimes when it gets bad for me, I have this ritual of sorts. Can we try it?”

“Um, what is it?”

“Will you lie down on the bed for me?”

It takes a second, which she doesn’t mind at all, for Peter to move out of her arms and crawl to the middle of the bed. He tugs his sweater around him and lays down on his back.

“Here?”

“Perfect.” Natasha smiles and moves closer, swinging a leg to lie over Peter’s calves, still checking that it’s okay. She reaches forward to tug at the edge of Peter’s sweater. “Can I take your sweater off?”

“What are we doing?” Peter blurts out, tugging the sweater closer around himself.

Natasha smiles sadly. Sometimes she forgets that Peter’s still in so many ways just a kid. Even though he’s in so many ways the exact opposite. And right now, he looks every bit the scared kid who just needs a hug.

“I know that you said there’s a bit after one of your attacks, especially a long one,” she murmurs, “where it’s hard for you to remember where your body is.”

“Yeah.”

Natasha leans forward and runs her hand over Peter’s cheek. ��In my experience, being close to someone afterward and knowing they care about you, after everything, makes me feel a little more human, a little more like I know I..have a body.”

“Is that why you help Steve with the whole once a week thing?”

“You mean having someone take care of you and make you feel safe and loved which is very important?” Natasha smirks as Peter starts to fumble with his hands and averts his gaze. “Hmm? Is that what you’re asking me?”

“…yes.”

“Yes. Also why I help Steve with it. Apart from the fact that he’s a big blond puppy dog with you, he’s very good at being very pure in his affections and he loves you. So much. We all do.”

And she does have to smile again with Peter giving Steve a run for his money with his puppy dog eyes.

“…what am I supposed to say to that?”

“That you love us too?”

Peter’s face changes to scared almost immediately and he scrambles upwards. “Of course I do, did I — “

“Shh, Солнышко, I’m teasing. Of course, we know.” Peter relaxes and lets Natasha lie him back down. “You don’t have to say anything.”

She can see how hard it is for him to feel like he’s okay to relax if he keeps talking.

“Or talk, if you don’t want to,” she amends.

“Okay.”

The room feels warmer with Peter here, like it’s trying to make itself into a nest. She takes the edge of the comforter and fluffs it, making it look like Peter’s sinking into the blanket. As she works, she starts murmuring softly.

“My ritual is to have someone else just stay with me for a little bit. Just to feel a little more human. So I just want to touch you. That’s it. Physical contact, safe, soft, from someone who loves you. Is that okay?”

She gets a nod, so she takes her hands and gently places them on the sides of his ribcage.

“…I want to touch your skin directly. It’ll help ground you. You can keep your stuff on if it helps. Is that okay?”

Another nod.

“Alright.”

She starts peeling the sweater slowly away from Peter’s body, running her hands over the material, and placing one hand on the little bit of Peter’s waist that she can see under his shirt.

“I think I know where to avoid but if at any time I hurt you or make you uncomfortable you tell me,” she says sternly, “don’t just lie there and take it, alright?” Peter nods. “I’m afraid I’m gonna need a verbal agreement for this one.”

“Yes,” Peter says, “I promise.”

“Good job, Baby Spider.”

“Please don’t touch my wrists.”

“I won’t.” Peter takes the hem of his sweater and balls it up in his fist as Natasha’s hand starts rubbing small circles on his tummy. “You let me know if it gets bad again, okay?”

“I will.”

“Thank you,” she murmurs as she stretches to put Peter’s phone on the nightstand. “Do you want me to talk or stay quiet?”

“…don’t know.”

“Why don’t I start talking,” she says as she resumes rubbing little circles on Peter’s tummy, “and then if you want me to stop, you let me know.”

He nods.

So Natasha starts talking. If she’s being perfectly honest, she can’t really tell what she’s saying, she’s just kind of rambling. She’s much more focused on how her hands run softly over the scars and the marks left on Peter’s skin, and how Peter’s many masks slowly start to slip off, dozing under the warm light.

It’s somewhere in the middle of a story about something Clint did in the middle of their mission to Bucharest — not Budapest — that she notices Peter’s eyes are closed. She smiles softly and lets her voice trail off, only to frown when Peter blinks his eyes open and shifts.

“It’s okay, you can sleep. That’s part of it,” Natasha reassures, giving the upper part of his chest a little pat. Peter shifts back and his eyes close again, a sleepy little murmur quickly muffled by the comforter as Natasha tucks him in. “We love you, Солнышко. Sleep, now.”

“Good night, Natasha,” comes Peter’s little voice from the pile of blanket.

“Good night, Baby Spider. Sleep.”

Natasha continues to rub Peter’s arms softly and murmuring quiet words into the hushed room until Peter’s breathing evens out. She trails off again and this time, Peter doesn’t wake up.

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bleufrost · 4 years

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Can I please request a h/c for Keanu/F!reader, where she is pregnant and how they manage that at different stages and their life in the public eye/public events etc. Thanks so much, I love your work! 💙

Keanu Reeves x Reader: Your Road to Her (pregnancy)

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a/n: I hope you like this lovely! I focused more on the stages because I genuinely feel like Keanu wouldn’t be the type of guy to allow for the public to get too involved in something so important for him. He seems really protective of his privacy and a baby would tenfold that in my mind, i hope thats okay with you!

**i also want to apologize, i thought i had this queued for a week ago and didnt notice it never went up :(

warnings: pregnancy, mentions of miscarriage (this is fluff tho dont worry!)

From the moment you and Keanu find out the news, he’s ready and willing to do whatever it is you need. At first there aren’t many signs that the baby is even growing in your tummy, you almost get worried at the lack of morning sickness and cravings. Keanu is always there to reassure you that everything is okay though.

He takes you to doctor appointments constantly the first month of your pregnancy. The first few are your idea, wanting to do everything right and keep track of the little one. The next seemingly hundred are definitely his idea. He is way more nervous than you are, but he does his best to not let it show through. You need someone to be a rock, and who better than the father?

If the first month was almost completely normal, the second brings forth hell. There’s a constant feeling of nausea and fatigue radiating through you. Every little thing and smell causes your stomach to churn. Keanu tries at least a thousand different recipes to find something you can keep down, but nothing really works. At the very least, it’s still easy to go out in public and only be put in tabloids for grabbing coffee with your boyfriend. You aren’t quite showing yet and you enjoy not having to hide your baby from prying eyes for the moment.

The third month gets a little easier than the second physically. Mentally is a different story. There was a panic in your mind that you hadn't shared with Keanu the first two months, but in this third you almost feel as if you have to.

Miscarriage typically occurs within the first trimester of pregnancy and you're so close to getting out of that, but you can't do it alone.

"I'm scared I might lose the baby." You say it one day after your emotions catch up to you. Keanu finds you a sobbing mess on the floor of the bedroom when he comes home one day. His heart thuds in his chest when he catches sight of you in pain and he worries instantly that something terrible must have occurred.

"What is it? What happened?" His hands come up to cup your face and he wipes your tears away gently. You shake your head, tears still falling, and he wraps you in his arms. You're safe here. The baby's safe here. Everything is okay as long as you don't have to leave. Eventually of course, you do have to.

The fourth month leads to the second trimester, and the second trimester means new discomforts. Finally able to eat again, you discover that you really don't have any boundaries when it comes to what you'll happily consume. When one moment you couldn't keep anything he made down, now you were becoming a guinea pig for every new baked good and meal that Keanu feels like testing out. One time you even accidentally eat something that may or may not have been for people, but that's not something you want to think about.

The random food only fuels the inevitable heart burn and constipation you get though. A large part of you feels gross for the way your body reacts to the pregnancy, but Keanu reassures you time and time again that he finds you to be nothing but gorgeous.

Now it's not so easy to hide. You both spoke about being in the public eye the first week of your pregnancy. It was a mutual agreement that you really didn't want to be photographed while carrying your baby. There was so little privacy already, your child doesn't deserve to be exposed to the world before they're even able to open their eyes. You stop going out places with Keanu as much, and when you do go out, you're both heavily covered.

Months five and six are miracles. One night, while Keanu is sitting and reading to you, you feel it.

"Oh my god." Your hands fly to your belly and you can't stop staring. Keanu drops the book and stares at you with wide eyes. "What's wrong?" You look to him and laugh in both delight and confusion. Without saying anything you grab his hands and place them down so he can feel. It takes a moment, but then it happens again: the small little kicks of your baby as they remind you that they're here and excited and just can't wait to meet you guys. Both of you cry that night, anticipation and joy radiates between the both of you and you know this is exactly where you're meant to be.

The seventh and eighth months get a little difficult again. News outlets have caught on to the fact that you're carrying and they truly are relentless in their endeavor to get a peek at your baby bump and confirm suspicions.

In a few interviews Keanu is asked to comment on his feelings toward the pregnancy, but he gently declines each time. He hates disappointing people, but you and the baby mean way more to him than any fan or public image

One night an interviewer pushes a little too far. Keanu was near ready to leave the set altogether, angry that someone would so easily ignore his requests for privacy. Luckily, he was able to calm himself down pretty quickly with one thought of you watching at home. Once more, he smiles and declines the questions.

By the time the eighth month is closing and the ninth beginning, Keanu has gotten into a rhythm of rubbing your feet and back almost daily. The extra weight puts a strain on your joints and it sometimes feels like you're lifting heavy dumbbells every time you move. He's very patient and gentle as he always is, but now he watches every move you make with uncertainty. It's about this time that going into labor can be unpredictable and he desperately needs to be ready for anything.

With great hesitation, he takes on a new role at this time. He received the script in the mail a few weeks earlier and was ready to decline immediately, but you wanted him to take it. It would help him get his mind on something else and relax. Besides, hearing him research the role and practice lines soothes you in a way that you could never describe.

You laugh the most at this time. The baby can hear their daddy speaking. His animated voice lights up the room and Keanu can always tell when the baby is responding by the giggles that leave your mouth. His heart beats faster at the thought of his child already being so happy with you guys. It calms any nerves he has about his new role as daddy.

There's bags ready and packed by the door for weeks. Keanu sleeps with a protective hand over the baby and the other wrapped around you tight. He wants to feel if anything happens and sleeping this way comforts him and puts his mind at ease because he knows that if you or the baby stirs, he'll feel it.

It happens one day in the kitchen. You're sitting on a chair by the counter that Keanu had pulled up so you could be with him comfortably while he cooked. The two of you are laughing over a playful argument you were having on how much spice to put into the dish when you feel something wet.

Your laugh stops suddenly and your cheeks blush with intense embarrassment, but you just sigh and move to get up. Wetting yourself is humiliating, but you know the man standing before you would never make you feel bad for something you can't control.

He spots the wet floor and instantly his eyes light up. "Can you help me clean this please? I'm sorry." Keanu bolts over to help you stand. He shakes his head in shock and starts leading you over to the front door. "Babe, I need to go change and clean up the mess, where are we going?"

He laughs in confusion and slight panic, leaving you by the door and grabbing his keys. From the kitchen you hear him call, "Sweetheart, I'm pretty sure that was your water breaking!" You look down in disbelief, surely you would know if that was your water breaking...right?

A jolt of pain knocks any thoughts out of your head and all you can do is breathe until he gets back to help you.

All the way to the hospital, Keanu is guiding you through the periodic pains that plague you. Sometimes it doesn't hurt as badly, but then a new wave will wash over you and leave you gasping for air.

The actual hospital arrival is a blur. One moment you see him rushing to check in, the next you can feel yourself being wheeled down a hall. You think you pass out for a moment, but can't be sure. All you know is that you're now in a room being told to breathe deeply. The contractions are not yet close enough together to initiate anything, so you just have to stay as calm as possible.

There isn't a second in your confusion that he isn't there by your side. You can tell he's scared by the way his eyebrows knit together and his hands tremble, yet his smile still lights up the room and his voice brings you down from the discomfort. He reads to you until you feel as though the waves are no longer coming one at a time. They all feel like they're happening at once and he instantly calls for a doctor.

Giving birth is agonizing. The exertion compares to nothing you've ever felt before and you can feel an endless flow of tears stream down your cheeks as you continue to get told to breathe, push, relax, push again, breathe…

Your eyes lock with his, hand reaching out for the strong grip you always seek for support and he wraps it around yours with no hesitation. Unlike most stories you'd heard, Keanu isn't panicking or on the verge of passing out. He's always been highly attuned to both life and death, and as much as he hates seeing you in pain, he knows that this is a fleeting moment that will lead to the most beautiful child both of you have ever seen. Your pain destroys him, but your love and willingness to endure it builds him back up even stronger than he was before. Just one look into his beautiful, deep eyes gives you strength to keep going, so you do.

As soon as your screams die down, a new one begins. It is by far the most lovely noise that has ever graced your ears, and although you knew it would keep you both up for months, you wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. The nurses clean the baby off just a bit, the real bath could wait. Right now you both need to hold the little one just as much as you need to breathe.

You are given her first. She is gently placed into your arms and your lip trembles as you can't stop the onslaught of tears that overflow your eyes. She is stunning. Nothing in life could have ever prepared you for just how gorgeous this tiny little baby would be. Her eyes weren't open, but you knew that one look into them would make you gladly give up the world for her.

In that moment, Keanu feels as though his lungs give out. Nothing matters outside of this hospital room right now and he feels no need to be anywhere else but here. His arm remains where it has been the whole time, protectively holding you. The other, though, is free. He has a strong urge to protect the little girl. His shaky hand comes over to brush the soft hair on her head. As soon as he feels her delicate little head under his fingertips, his heart swells and he lets the tears fall down.

The little bundle of joy was safe and warm and oh so loved. When the nurses came in, they found the three of you asleep. Keanu held you protectively in his arms, a hand still gently petting the baby's head. Your arms were holding your little angel as your head leaned against his strong chest, finally getting some rest after your long journey to get to the little girl that now felt like home.

#keanu reeves #keanu reeves imagine #keanu reeves fanfiction #keanu reeves x reader #keanu reeves fanfic #keanu reeves fluff

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thotsforvillainrights · 4 years

Text

(Hey! Let's shoot on over to my Kaishi Au and explore something I've always wanted to explore: Eri. In my Au, Kai never met her and never hurt her because he's been set on the right pathway by you and the birth [or adoption] of his son. So what happens when Pop's daughter comes to visit for the first time with Eri?)

*DISCLAIMER: This is in no way making up for what overhaul has done. This is not an apologist post and I mean no offense when I create this. Please do not take offense to this post*

~Cousin~

Au: Kaishi

Part: eight

Theme: General

"Senator Moo, I'm afraid to tell you this but you are sick. There is no cure....Senator, you have Cow disease. I'm sorry..." Kaishi stood over the stuffed animal on his bed. He held a folder with some paper he had scribbled on as his prescription pad. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a bandage. Once he removed it from its paper, he placed it across the stuffed cow's tummy. Then he placed the cow in a basket with other stuffed animal that reached the same fate. "Alright then. Next up is..." Kaishi flipped the paper over like he was reading from a clipboard. "Mrs. Wags-a-lot. Come sit here on the operation table and I'll give you an inspection.

"Kaishi sweety, could you come to the front please?" He heard your voice call out to him. He immediately dropped what he was doing and rushed to the front of the house before stopping suddenly in his tracks and hiding behind your leg.

There was a stranger in his house.

"Mommy/dad, who is that lady?" Kaishi whispered to you. You smiled and reached to gently rub his head. This is Eishiki (I made this name up btw), and that's Eri." You pointed at the woman. Kaishi was about to ask who until he saw the little girl peek from behind her mother's leg. Her scarlet eyes locked onto his golden ones before she went to hide again. Kaishi was curious and realized there was no threat by now. He came out from hiding to stand next to you and Kai. That's when he noticed his grandpa was standing here too.

"Ah my daughter! It's rare to see or hear from you again since the incident happened all those years ago. I want to thank you for allowing me to see my granddaughter again after so long. She's grown so much from when she was a baby. Kai! What do you say?" Pops turned to him and smiled widely. "Its lovely to meet you for the first time. This is my wife/husband/partner, and our son Kaishi. Hey brat, introduce yourself. I taught you better." Kai semi scolded him. Kaishi walked forward and reached his tiny hand out for a handshake. "My name is Kaishi Chisaki. It's nice to meet you." The boy didnt want to shake hands but he figured he could just go wash then off later on. The woman above him immediately beamed with excitement. "Oh!!! He's so precious father! He's so well trained too! Eri, why dont you go play with Kaishi while the adults catch up. Go on! Kai is practically like a son to my father, so that makes you and Eri cousins." Eishiki stepped aside and gently pushed Eri forward to come out of hiding. She peered up at the adults as they already began walking off down the hallways of the large house. She turned her attention back to the boy and tilted her head. He looked like a perfect mix between you and Kai! He also had such striking golden eyes that seemed to beam right into her soul. Was he trusting? Was he kind? Would he be mean to her later one? Would he be scared of her because of her quirk? While Eri was searching for something to say, Kaishi had already grabbed her hand and was pulling her to his room. Once inside he uttered a stern 'wait here' before he went off to wash his hands. Upon return, he was sporting semi oversized latex gloves and a medical mask. "I'm playing doctor. Want to be my nurse?" He asked as he set up his area to play again.

"...yes?" Eri answered in a quiet voice. "Here." Kaishi handed her a mask and his folder with paper he had scribbled on. "Alright then, nurse Eri. Who is the next patient? Mrs. Wags-a-lot doesnt have insurance." Kaishi explained as he tossed the stuffed dog aside. (The things he learned from listening to his dad lol). "Ummm...that one there?" Eri pointed at a stuffed horse that sported a red baseball cap and a tiny plush bat in it's right hoof. "Ah, Ace the pony? Fine, we'll check on him then. Be careful nurse Eri, he could be contagious. Stay back for a second. I'll check his heartbeat." Kaishi picked the horse plush up and placed it against his little ear as he pretended to listen for a pulse. Kaishi gasped and looked at Eri with wide eyes. "He doesnt have a heart beat. Nurse...he's dying!" Kaishi shouted and started running around the room and frantically searching for something in his toy box. "Oh no!" Eri started to play along. She quickly went to the horse and started pressing on its chest with her little fingers. "What are you doing?" Kaishi asked as he came next to her with something in his hands. "Its called CPR. I learned it watching tv one day." She explained to him. He nodded in understanding and looked at her. "Nurse, have you brought him back to life then?"

Kaishi was leaving this next part of the game up to Eri. She thought for a second before frowning and shaking her head slowly. "He's gone." She said in a bleak voice. "Alright, step back." Kaishi cleared her gently and put the horse in a box he pulled out of his collection. "We gotta go to his funeral now, nurse Eri. Let's go gather flowers for his grave." Eri smiled at him and nodded.

By the time you and the others were finished catching up over tea and coffee, you gasped when you exited the room. There were scattered flower petals all over the place, more than likely dropped by the theives that stole your flowers from the vase in the living room. "Oh dear." Eishiki said as you all followed the trail of flower petals the kids must've accidentally dropped. You were the first to enter the bathroom where Eri and Kaishi stood over the half full tub. Inside was one VERY soaked horse, 7 white crayons, all of the flowers that were missing, and unlit tea-light candles. Kaishi was wearing his black suit he only wore once for a school event...and he was only wearing the top half of the suit! The rest were his regular clothes from waist down. Eri had a black bath towel wrapped around her like a dress while her regular dress was peaking out from underneath. She also sported a black pearl necklace, no doubt taken by Kaishi from your room. You sighed and Kai spoke up. "What on earth is this?'

Kaishi and Eri simply looked up at him and uttered simultaneously "Funeral."

»—————————–———————————————————–✄

TIp Jar: https://cash.app/$YuTakeyama

#kaishi au #au #bnha #mha #boku no hero academia #my hero academia #chisaki kai #kai chisaki #mha overhaul #bnha overhaul #my hero academia overhaul #eri bnha #eri #eri aizawa

79 notes · View notes

monohart · 5 years

Text

clouds. (college!au)

ft. mark lee, sunny days and the brink of adolescence.

dating the campus’ radio dj was not an easy job

he was always, always busy, especially in the evenings.

he was exempted from 2/3 of his classes this semester to fit in broadcasting sessions and also to mentor the new broadcasters.

apparently they recruited a freshman, jisung. but he was a shy little bean, and mark needed to spend a lot more hours mentoring him.

which kinda meant that you would spend less time with your boyfriend

thankfully, y’all had similar classes.

there was this one class which was a capstone subject

which meant if u want to graduate u HAD to take it lol

and he aced all of the assessments in that subject so far this year

but you were just a bit competitive, so with exams coming, you planned to score a higher grade than him

which.. was an easy job, right? he spent most of his nights hosting the radio show anyway.

it both bugged and made you so extremely proud that mark was already getting proper job offers from major broadcasting channels

like when he got his first offer, he actually just finished a broadcast at around 3am, and was on the way back home

but he read the email on his phone and took a detour to your apartment

which scared the sh*t out of you

mark its almost 4am you could’ve just sent me a text??

“i don’t care i just needed to tell you this in person, oh my goodness is this even real????”

idk mark you tell me???

it was real, because he started getting offer after offer in the following week

but thankfully he didn’t pop by your place in the middle of the night again, after that first time

because you actually let him stay over that night and -

he held you in his arms as he leant against your headboard

and you just used him as a pillow because he you made him take a quick shower and he smelt of your soap but he still smelled of him and it was a comforting scent which sent you off the dreamland real quick

and he actually watched you fall asleep and made sure you were asleep before he pulled out his laptop to work on an assignment that was due the next day

when you woke up the next morning, you felt something cold and hard prod your back and you panicked for a moment before realising it was his laptop

and you heard the shower running so you knew it was mark going through his morning routine

but then you thought.... did he even sleep?

when he hopped out of the bathroom clad in same the clothes he wore the night before, he was still drying his hair with a towel

and his face was strew with exhaustion

but as soon as he saw you sitting groggily on the edge of your bed, his face lit up and he strode over to kiss the top of your head

“mark, did you even sleep?”

“nope, but i’m off again, i’ve got to hand in my assignment! i’ll see you for lunch?”

“wait what assignment?? did you need help on it?”

“nope, i got it done last night! thanks for letting me crash.”

before you could stop him, he pressed a hasty kiss on your lips before grabbing his laptop and bag and rushed out the door

and you sigh because

this was how dating mark lee, the campus dj, was like.

anyway

now, you guys were just a few days away from finishing the semester’s classes

and this was your last semester... given if you’ll pass the exams lol

so it was kinda the last few days you’d be able to spend together, on campus.

summer was coming

and the sun was so bright these days, it cleared the skies

no rain, none at all

which was not entirely Great because rainy days helped you study... and rainy days also meant more people tuned in on the campus radio

which meant

mark was kinda jobless today

which ALSO meant!!!

you could finally spend a whole day with him.

but, oh man...

when he called you around 11pm the night before, he was also checking his email and ... accidentally forgot that he had another assignment due at 8am the following morning

guess who didn’t get any sleep at all again!!!

your heart hurt seeing him work so hard

but somehow he convinced you to go to sleep first and not stay up to help him

he still got the assignment in on time because hes mark lee

so when you guys sat on the lawn in the middle of campus just like any typical college couple would on a nice sunny day, mark lay his head on your lap and used one of your textbooks to shield his eyes from the sun

and you were using his laptop to compile your notes from the semester, and also to help him tidy up his

“hey baby...?”

“hmm?”

you waited for mark to continue his sentence but he went silent

“mark, what?”

“mark-”

you lifted your textbook from his face only to find that he had fallen asleep.

his lips were slightly parted and he was snoring really quietly, and his fingers were in loose fists as they rested on his belly.

dont deny but you busted the biggest uwu didnt you

ofc like

you couldn’t possibly waste this precious photo opportunity but

your phone was just slightly out of reach rip

so when you grappled for it, mark woke up in an instant

he sat up real quick, and a tuft of his hair was sticking up messily.

“oh no, i didnt mean to-”

“so d’you wonder why we’re all clouds?”

you stared at each other with equally as confused frowns lol

like mark was actually

hella confused

but your expression literally read wtf

he didn’t really notice but instead yawned and held his arm out to you

and you move closer to him, snuggling into his side as he slowly lays the both of you down again, in a way so you could use his arm as a pillow.

the sun was really really bright so y’all lay there with your eyes squished shut

“we’re all just clouds, aren’t we?”

his serious question was met by your quiet scoff

“no, no, i’m for real. y’know how everything we do are for exams. exams this, assignments that... gpa... scores.. grades... deadlines... those kinda things. they turn us into clouds.”

“that is one extremely weird way to describe college students, mark.”

“no, baby, but... it’s accurate, isn’t it? the anxiety, stress, exhaustion... and just about everything we do turn us all into little clouds.”

“do elaborate, cause i don’t get why you’re comparing us to condensed water vapour.”

mark chuckled a little, and you roll your eyes figuratively, keeping your eyes tightly shut to shield it from the unforgiving sun.

"actually, never mind, it sounded way better in my head.”

at that point you were getting up to lie on your side

he turned his head and squinted at you as you gently placed a hand on his chest

"are you writing lyrics again?”

he hummed quietly and you shift a few inches closer to him.

“show me. i want to read those lyrics, no matter how dumb you think they are.”

“they’re not ready yet.”

“if you’re writing about anxiety, i can be your muse.”

“no way, you’re not a cloud. you’re a sunflower.”

he wrote lyrics all the time and most of the time he’d write them about you

sometimes he’d let you read them, sometimes he kept them to himself

and you’d catch him grinning idiotically over some lyric he wrote some time ago

so when he goes to sleep you would sneak a peak at it and it’s basically a love letter to first-date-you, or a diary entry of how he feels every time he sends u home from a date or from school but its so dreamy and seems unreal but you kNOW ITS REAL!!

bc u were there!!

anyway

idk what came over you but you slung an arm around his torso and rested your head against his shoulder and he let out a quiet little puff of breath

you would think he’s pretty ok with skinship since y’all been together for so long

but yeah it was chill and okay and he’d be super clingy at home but when y’all were in public

man,,, he got so flustered and nervous

u just wanted to cuddle lol but he suddenly turned into a robot

the sun made everything seem slow and warm and sluggish which was pretty okay with you because you were finally spending time with mark!!!

and he was soft and squishy and a little bit awkward but so so so cute so u rly just wanted the moment to last longer

but no

just as u were about to drift off a Shadow™ loomed over u both

mark probably fell asleep again tbh

u heard a rly loud camera go CLICK and distinct voices whisper-yelling at each other

and there was a struggle

and the struggle ended with a Butt falling onto mark’s other shoulder

“MARK IM SO SORRY RENJUN PUSHED ME”

“NO YOU STINK YOU FELL BY YOURSELF”

“oh hey guys shut up the photo turned out alright”

“JENO SHUT UP THEY’RE RIGHT THERE”

mark was sitting up and you fussed over his other shoulder which was attacked by jaemin’s butt

and although he was so .. unfortunately.. woken up from his nap he was grinning and squinting up at his squabbling friends

and he chuckled as he watched u stand up and wrestle jeno for his phone to see the Photo

he was watching you chase chenle and renjun around the lawn, the two boys purposefully running slower to tease u

donghyuck sat down next to mark and put his head on his shoulder to mimic you from a few minutes ago

“oh you’re disgusting please go away.”

hyuck turned his head and batted his eyelashes up at mark who was still watching u with a dreamy smile

“you’re leaving soon, we just wanted to spend time with you before u abandon us”

mark laughed and told him he’s only graduating

but hyuck scowled and nudged mark with his elbow then gestured in your direction

“but you spend more time with her nowadays than you do with us”

mark let out a loud laugh and shook his head

“she’s my girlfriend.”

“so?”

“she’s my lover.”

“so??”

“she’s... everything to me.”

jisung, who was listening, gagged and haechan slapped mark’s tummy while hollering

and then u look over at them from the other side of the lawn, wondering why mark was lying on the floor again and why the other dreamies were surrounding him in a cultish circle

jeno and jaemin turned to face you with big chummy smiles on their faces and together they made heart arms at u

some other people on the lawn were beginning to stare and so u hide behind chenle bc renjun is too tiny

then jisung must’ve texted their group chat because renjun cackles and leads you back to the group

and u notice how bright mark’s face was which makes u blush like crazy as well

and even though stress from school, work and everything in general, was making u feel like a big and heavy raincloud

one look at mark lee made u feel like sunflowers and daisies

it totally didn’t help that when he’d look at you, the corners of his eyes would crinkle ever so slightly, and his eyes would shine with genuine adoration

and his cute little lips would stretch into the widest grin

uwu

and u bet the next batch of lyrics he gonna write is gonna be about you again!!

96 notes · View notes

feminarrie · 5 years

Note

Niall, a bottle of whiskey, and a drill. use that and write what you will. I want to see what you come up with!! (also you can take your time with this)

kate! once again, thank you for challenging me with this! it was fun to figure out just how i wanted to go about this, but i’m happy with what i’ve come up with!

i’m putting it below a cut bc it’s just 3k+ of smut (it is also unedited sorry!)

As she looks out at Niall, Y/N can’t help but think how utterly domestic the scene is.

It’s midsummer and the California heat was approaching a dry 100 degrees. She had ditched her shirt in favor of a bikini top and a pair of light wash shorts atop her bottoms. She’d even spent the better half of the morning in the pool with Niall. But, as it neared one in the afternoon and the peak temperature of the day, she had gone back inside to cool down and to prepare lunch for the both of them. While Niall had slipped out of the pool and wandered to the patio, where a new patio set is still sat in pieces.

She looks outside at him now, through the kitchen window, as she washes and peels a carrot. His back glistens with sweat as he attempts to line up a metal pole with another piece of the bar that they had bought just a few days ago. They’d offered to assemble it upon delivery, but Niall had insisted that he would be able to put it together. She hadn’t argued it, either. Especially considering that they were on their way out for a scheduled date night.

She’s glad Niall had decided to put the furniture together. Especially when she see the way his broad back tenses when he moves this way or that. Droplets of sweat drip down it and highlight every movement.

The way his arms look now, as he uses a drill to join to pieces together, surpass sinful. With every movement, his biceps flex and Y/N can’t help, but think about how they feel when he’s fucking up into her. Like they had this morning, in the comfort of their air conditioned bedroom. When her back was pressed to his chest and the backs of her thighs and ass bounced in his lap. His arm had wrapped around her middle while his other hand was wound around her throat. Hitting her at angles that she didn’t think were possible.

There’s a different heat that’s building, now. An internal heat that still has sweat developing on the back of her neck and at her hairline despite the heavily air conditioned kitchen. It settles into the apples of her cheeks as continues to prepare their lunch.

Which, it really is a miracle that she’s capable of finishing all the preparation and plating it by the time Niall walks in. She’s even managed to grab the bottle of whiskey from the top of the fridge without asking Niall to retrieve it for her. She pours it over the ice in a short glass, watching as it melts the cubes just slightly. She hopes he’ll like all of it, too. Niall is usually one to drink beer or water in this kind of heat, but she figures that a small glass of whiskey is a treat for all the hard work he’s doing. Plus, it forces him to slow down enough to enjoy the liquor and cool off for awhile.

Y/N can see the sunburn that has begun its assault on his shoulders. The already tan skin has turned a shade of pink that holds a future of promise of blossoming into a shade of red if he’s outside for any longer. “Whatever you’ve made smells delicious, love.” Niall hums, pushing his sunglasses to the top of his head as rounds the corner of the island.

“Thank you.” She grins, leaning upward to receive the peck that Niall has stopped to give her. “Go clean up and I’ll have the table all set when you come back.”

Niall nods and leaves after another peck to her lips.

Y/N busies herself with setting up the table. She places a smaller bowl of salad between two plates of greek wraps. It’s nothing too fancy, but she hardly thinks that Niall is keen on having a hot meal after he’s come inside. Even if he was, she absolutely did not want to be overheating while cooking up a warm meal for him. So, she figures it is more likely a win/win situation for the both of them. Niall returns shortly after she’s set herself down to eat. He’s in a pair of deep blue gym shorts and nothing on top. As he comes to sit down next to her, she can see the freckles that have begun to develop along the expanse of his shoulder and back. Unlike his sunburn, they will likely fade within the next few days.

“Thanks for lunch, Y/N.” Niall says before his eyes land on the chilled glass of whiskey. “And for this. How’d ya know I was cravin’ something stronger?”

“Figured you would after being outside for most of the day.” Y/N shrugs as she answers. Their conversation dies down after that, both of them being too busy with eating to speak. Especially Niall, who goes back in for a second helping of salad. And Y/N lets him because she knows he’s probably built up an appetite.

“I’ve just got to put a few more pieces together and then I’ll be done.” Niall says after Y/N asks him how much longer he’ll be.

“We’ll stay inside after that then, yeah?” She suggests, hopeful that Niall will want to stay in for the remainder of the evening. “I’ll order takeout for us, if you’d like.”

Niall nods, drying off his hands after having finished washing his dish. Y/N lets the rest sit in the sink for now, her mind having drifted to the idea of having a cool shower while Niall finishes up outside.

He kisses her once more on the cheek before stepping out into the yard once again. Y/N paces herself in heading upstairs into the master bathroom. Grabbing her phone from the coffee table so that she can listen to music while she’s showering. She’s even more eager because she’s got a killer playlist that she’d been adding to for the past few weeks.

But, she’s also got other things on her mind as she makes her way upstairs after turning the temperature down just a little bit more.

The images of Niall were shoved aside as they ate. She was starving and in that moment, her appetite had far outweighed her desire for Niall. But, now that she had a clearer head and a shower awaiting her, she couldn’t help but to conjure up those images again.

She’s sure he would be too tired to do much of anything anyway. So, she sees no harm in getting herself off while he put the final touches on their patio furniture. Especially seeing as she doesn’t know how long he will be and Y/N has never been one to be patient about these types of things.

Before long, she’s come to stand in their shared master bathroom. The heated floors don’t feel quite so warm beneath her feet, but she is still aware of the heat that they exude. Their toothbrushes occupy one marbled cup set between two sinks and white, plush hand towel hangs just slightly over the edge of the dark countertop. Two more navy blue towels hang over separate bars that sit next to the shower. There’s still droplets of condensation against the glass, likely from Niall’s shower earlier that morning.

Y/N strips after she’s turned the shower on and found a happy medium between too warm and too cold. She kicks her shorts and bottoms to the corner of the room, closer to the laundry basket. Her top is flung in the same direction moments later. All the while, the sounds of her playlist bounce off the walls of the spacious bathroom.

A soft sigh leaves her lips when the water hits her front. It’s enough of a temperature difference that her nipples pearl and to give her some relief from the high temperatures outside. Her sun kissed skin drinks the moisture as she allows it to wash over her for a prolonged period of time before she turns around.

She reaches for the bottle of cherry blossom and citrus scented soap that lives on the middle left shelf of the tiled shower. Her other hand reaches for her own loofa that hangs from the shower handle. Once she’s put more than enough of the soap on it, it’s only a matter of seconds before it has begun to lather. Y/N hums along to Postpone by Catfish and the Bottlemen and she nods her head along with the beat. And she’s fully enraptured by the song until she’s reached between her thighs, the soap leaving a soapy lather that drips down her thighs as the water drips down from her back. Where she simply can’t help herself from switching the loofa from her dominant hand to the other.

The pads of her fingers dance over her already slick folds, gliding with ease as she teases herself. She reaches down to slide her middle finger from her entrance to her clit, letting it stay there and adding just a slight amount of pressure. Enough to heighten the stirring in her tummy, but that’s it. She teases herself for awhile. Eventually letting the loofa fall to the floor so that her other hand is free to roam her body. It eventually settles at the base of her throat and she applies just a slight amount of pressure. Her small hands aren’t as good as Niall’s, but they’ll do in the moment. Especially when she’s pushed two fingers inside herself after the images of Niall and her own teasing had become too much to bear.

Y/N is chasing her orgasm when Niall enters the bathroom after having called out for her just a few minutes before. He doesn’t need to see her form to know that either. Instead, her whimpers and occasional pants of his name can be heard loud and clear with the acoustics of the space. When he does look at her, though, it has his cock hardening in his shorts. Enough so that if she looked now, she could see the outline of it with only so much as a glance. But, she doesn’t. Her eyes are squeezed shut as one hand drops to cup her breast, a sure sign that she is close to the edge. Niall watches her as she continues to chase it, too. Her shoulders slouching forward slightly and his name like a mantra as it falls from her lips. She falls apart right before his eyes, unraveling at the seams as she cums. A final yelp of his name as her body quakes with her orgasm and her head lulls backward.

He allows her a moment to recoup and steady herself before he clears his throat. It still makes her jump, though. Which, Niall knew it would but it still pulls a strained chuckle from him.

“Fuck,” she mumbles, “You scared the shit out of me.”

It’s muffled by the sound of the shower and music, but Niall can still (just barely) make out what she is saying. “Sorry, love.” He replies, genuinely sorry that he had scared her so much.

Y/N takes in his half naked form from where she stands. Even with steam rising from the shower and blurring her vision slightly, she can see the outline of his cock. It only serves to make her even wetter. Something that she didn’t think was possible considering she can feel herself dripping down her thigh before it’s washed away by the water. “Got off thinking of you.” Y/N begins and she hopes Niall had been in the room to see what an absolute mess she was at the mere thought of him. A groan sounds from deep within Niall’s chest. Because even after all this time, the idea of her getting off to the thought of him was a nice ego boost. Plus, that thought alone was enough to have him muffling his own cries as he cums in the bunk of his tour bus when he’s been away from her for too long. Again, Y/N has hardly ever been good at being patient. So, when Niall is taking too long and absentmindedly palming at himself, she lets out a huff. She’d like to get her mouth around him, if he’d let her. Swallow all that he had to offer before they toweled off and settled in for the night. (Although, Y/N wouldn’t be opposed to another round once they’ve received their takeout). “Niall,” she whines, a pout setting on her lower lip.

“What is it that you want, love?” Niall raises a brow, his hand stroking across the length of himself as he looks at her.

And normally, Y/N is all about niceties. Even when Niall is nipping and sucking at her clit with three fingers buried inside her. Bringing her closer and closer to her climax, but not allowing her to cum just yet. When she’s frustrated to the point of tears because he could be so cruel and dominating when he wanted to be. She still repeats a series of thank you’s as she comes down from her orgasm. Too blissed and utterly fucked out to form any other words. “For you to let me suck you off.”

The statement is so simple and abrupt that it surprises Niall. His eyebrows shoot toward his hairline and he’s becoming almost painfully hard now. After that, he is quick to peel his only item of clothing off and step into the shower. The water alone could have him close to his own orgasm because it feels so damn good against his sunburnt skin. He can feel the heat radiate from his shoulders as he steps closer to Y/N, effectively putting them both beneath the large shower head.

Y/N glances up at him before trailing her eyes down to where the head of Niall’s cock is tinged pink and a light shade of purple. She bites her lip at the sight of him, eager to get her hands and mouth on him. So, she tears her eyes away to lock her gaze with him once again. He’s smirking at her when she does and takes a step closer until she can feel him pressing into her tummy. She isn’t sure if it’s the precum that has dribbled out of the slightly exposed tip or the moisture that has trapezed down both of their bodies to join together. It only takes a moment after that, that she is lowering herself to the ground. The tiles feel cool and hard against her knees, but she doesn’t mind. Not when she is eye level to Niall’s cock. From here, she can see the vein that travels up the side of it and just how much precum as bubbled up at the head. She looks up at Niall with a question and desperate look in her eyes. The doe-eyed expression makes her look too innocent to be doing such a thing, but it only excites Niall more. Especially knowing that she is more than capable of taking him in until he’s bottoming out and she’s gagging around him. “Go ahead.” Niall nods alongside his affirmation.

Y/N relinquishes her lip from the space between her teeth before parting them. He notices that it is plump and slick before it’s gone from his vision as she wraps her lips around him. His head falls back and his jaw slackens as she swirls her tongue over the tip before taking more of him into her mouth. Her small hand makes up for what her mouth can’t currently cover. And between her mouth on him and how her hand glides so easily across him, Niall can’t help but to let out a long fuck.

His eyes have fallen shut, so Y/N takes it as an opportunity to peek up at him from behind her lashes. And she’s glad she does because Niall looks like an absolute dream above her. Chocolate brown hair matted to his forehead, lashes just barely touching the apples of his cheeks, and body glistening with the water that is running down his body. She keeps watching him as she pulls off of him with a wet pop, allowing herself a moment to breathe. Her hand continues to pump up and down his length, twisting her wrist at the tip like she know he likes. He has one fist clenched at his side while his other hand is pressed to the wall beside her. His tongue darts out to lick over his lower lip and his chest has started to rise and fall with his quickening breaths.

With slight reluctance, she tears her gaze away from him. But, the feeling doesn’t stick once her lips are around him and she can feel the heavy weight of him on her tongue. Her hand holds him at the base, this time, as she slowly begins to build up a rhythm. She allows herself time to enjoy the taste of Niall on her tongue. It’s heady and salty, a familiar and somewhat pleasant taste to her. She alternates between self indulgent licks when she needs a moment to breathe and taking all of him until the tip of him touches the spongey back of her throat.

And it’s not long until Niall is ready to cum. The hand at his side is clenching and unclenching as if searching for purchase. Y/N notices it after Niall’s bucking his hips forward slightly, although he’s trying to control himself. And she knows he is teetering off the edge and into oblivion. So, she wraps her fingers around his wrist and brings it to the back of her head before placing them on his hips. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.” Niall repeats, each reiteration gaining volume. “I’m gonna cum, Y/N. I’m gonna cum.”

Y/N tightens her grip on his hips, keeping him in place as she takes him as deep as she can go. And that’s all Niall needed before he’s painting the back of her throat with his cum. Y/N swallows all of it with ease and pulls off of him. Though, she’s sure to run her tongue along his slit to collect any remaining cum before she glances up at Niall. Who, like her this morning, looks entirely fucked out. And she prides herself with being the reason that he looks as fucked out as he does. It’s from her position on the floor, as she drinks in his form, that she decides Niall doesn’t just look like an absolute dream. Because a dream isn’t accurate enough to describe the vision above her. She thinks fantasy might be a better way to describe him, but she can’t be sure. Because nothing seems accurate enough.

#if there are any mistakes i apologize it is 3am #what is a girl to do tbh #answered #fireawaynjh #my writing #niall blurb #niall horan blurbs #niall horan smut #niall horan drabble #niall horan fluff #niall horan x reader #niall x reader #niall horan one shot #niall one shot #niall smut

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leeeovitate · 4 years

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April 22,2020 3:23AM: It was not intended but this ended up becoming my high school memoir.

I sifted through my old journals. I have been obsessed with notebooks and pens back then, maybe a little bit until now. You see I wanted to be an artist. At least 5 of them were filled with songs and rubbish from cover to cover.I remember the first song I wrote way back in 2007 or 2008. It was called “Putting Traces” and the first I ever played was for my grandmother on her birthday. I played a video of it I recorded with my sister at her dinner party. I don’t think she appreciated it or maybe it just wasn’t any good but she was polite about it. It was called “Thank you for everything”. My first songs notebook was a tinee tiny one with the Eiffel Tower in black on the cover and silver on every page. Then I got obsessed with buying every journal that looks cute or has music related designs or the ones with London and Paris or other European countries that I would love to visit. Then I bought every pen to my liking and spent my lunch money on paperbacks. I was basically a resident at National Bookstore or the stationery section of every mall. I scanned them all tonight, those journals. I forgot about some songs but when I read the line it comes like a flashback to me. That is why I kept writing. It immortalizes the moment. When I play that song, I feel like the emotions turn into concrete and I could go back when I want to feel it again. I was so sure of myself in the songs I wrote before. I knew what I wanted and that was to make music. Maybe I had that dream of being magically sent a record deal. I wanted to have a world tour before 18 but the world was never in my favor. I remember setting a deadline and counting down like Lena did on Beautiful Chaos. I think I also set it on 100 days but nothing happened.

High school is the best years of my life. I remember one of my friends borrowing my songs journal and told me all my titles sounded nice. I have one friend who writes fiction, legit ones and we would talk after class until our fetch arrives and then we’d talk more on the telephone when we get home. I don’t have that in medschool. One time, our teacher made us do a school project. It was to write to a novel incorporating our topics on math class. Epic, I know. I planned it out alright, written everything with a plot but I never finished it and ended up rushing for the deadline. I won’t ever forget that. I loved doing it so much. My fiction writer friend, she ended up writing a sequel for the story she submitted as a math project. Then I also read some of the stories my classmates made. I felt surrounded by talented people and it felt really good. Then in English class, junior year we were required to have a green journal and have at least 3 entries per week. It could be a diary entry, poem, essay, sketch, whatever you like. We also had drama class. I remember saying the lines “The cat sat on the mat.... etc” with different emotions. I freaking nailed it. I loved it so much. The we were also asked to advertise a specific product we made up by pairs. Ours was a perfume and I played a fairy. The nicknamed me “Mama Fairy Tree Rapunzel Country Girl”. I had really long hair and used to braid it. Then I played guitar singing country songs. We also assigned ourselves to greek mythology characters, mine was Gaea. I was also quite tall back then and they say my limbs were long so I was like a tree with roots to the earth and that is where they all came from. We had to write a play for our final project. I was “musical director” and I was not good at my job but I freaking enjoyed it so much.

The senior year we had lit classics and we just have the best teacher on mythology and poetry. Wont ever forget him reprimanding me for reading “statue” wrong. Freshman year, we have 2-hour PE classes and the last hour was spent however we wanted. We would play and sometimes we would just sit around our teacher’s cassette player singing along to our favorite songs while the wind is blowing at the topmost floor of our high school building. Oh what I would do to go back. There was a time when I chose a ribbon as prop for gymnastics practical exam and danced to Avril Lavigne’s “Freak Out Let It Go”. I hated individual stage work but it was something we all had to do and my high school crowd were not mean. I used to choreograph dance routines, unbelievable if you see me now but yes, I remember when I did that. I would do it all over again. I have that one friend, the least I expected of all, who got into kpop. It was epic.

When we are feeling lost, our CLE teacher taugh us to open the bible at a random page and read those two sheets spread open. Whatever we have bothering us, God’s answer are within those pages and it is up to us how to interpret it. I think it also became a project like we were meant to do it everyday for a month or something. She collected money for a journal but it was never delivered though. I have no idea what happened. We also made a promise to meet in March 2020 or 2021 as a class but I think everyone forgot about it or are just too busy, these days. In high school, we made so many films too. Man it was great. You probably could already tell how much I enjoy acting and the I have this friend who is a really awesome video editor.

We also had the best advance chemistry and advance physics teachers. One time at the physics lab, I was busy reading my some Paulo Coehlo I did not notice that I got called in class. That was epic. My teacher threatened to confiscate my book, thank God she didnt. My only argument was “This is not a pocket book, Ms. Violeta.” Our statistics teacher, freshman year who entered the congregation of nuns kept saying “K” in class. It was really funny, my friend and I tallied the number of times she said it until we ran out of scratch paper. Would you believe that the highest grade I got in high school was in Geometry and the lowest I got was in Calculus? Lol I turned in an unfinished Calculus final exam because my tummy was upset but my teacher won’t accept it. I could not tell him what I was feeling at the time so I shaded the letter C in every item and I kind of flunked the exam. I was not that frustrated though. I was never the grade conscious type.

There is this cafe we frequented back then, It was called “Book Latte” and we got membership cards so we could rent books and chill in secluded spots. The place was really fancy but not that wide. Pizza Hut on the same mall became “our spot” with someone I used to consider one of my best friends. One of our friend’s became our go to for schoolworks and shooting videos or movie marathon. In math class again we had to do a song adaptation with video. We did a remix but Fall for You by Secondhand Serenade will always remind me of that. It goes “because tonight will be the night that I will study math over again don’t make me change my mind”. There was a competition in relation to Buwan ng Wika or our Foundation day every august. For the first 2 years of high school it was song adaptation and for the juniors and seniors it was song composition. For the first year, we did Awit Ng Kabataan by Rivermaya and my author/video editor friend wrote the lyrics. I think we skipped on sophomore year. I was not yet comfortable with exposing my songwriting in general at the time. I struggle with confidence issues until now. They assigned me for our junior year. I did it on guitar and piano. I had piano lessons when I was 9 but I did not appreciate it until years after. Our Environmental Science teacher who used to be in a band helped us out abit and they were rushing with the deadline for the song, I kind of backed off. My clubmate did it instead. Senior year, Had the song done early and we got first place. I was truly grateful.

I joined Guitaristas club freshman year. We were assigned into tutor-tutee. I was a tutee of course. I was assigned to someone who was like the great guitar player who was in a band and I was crushing on. He was so nice and he taught me guitar. I wonder if he still remembers me though. I don’t think he’ll recognize when we see eachother on the street. The the club changed it’s name to Tokata club and I spent two years there. We once played Back to December as a band on family day. The guy on drums is someone I was crushing on. I nicknamed him Orange because he told us about Battaglia delle Aranche, not sure if I remember that correctly. The past years I hated waking up early. Most often I’m late for class that they made me class monitor for like 2 years or so. I hated staying at home and I would wake up early. Some days I get to school at about sunrise and he would be there too. That was how we became really good friends and I became close to his younger brother too. My senior year, Speakers zone. It was a new club and it was accidentally not included in our new club ballot sheets. I think they accidentally printed out the old ones from last year. Our english teacher told us about it and only like 7 or 8 of us joined. All from our class. Every monday morning, we had to do a news report after flag ceremony. We were assigned sports new, weather, current affairs, celebrity, etc. It scared the shit out of me, stage fright and shit. I wanted to get over that so I forced myself to audition for our Literary Musical contest, newscasting category and got picked but I lost. I talk really fast and my nerves get the best of me. I was so scared, I wanted to chicken out minutes before the contest. I wanted to walk away from the stage instead of towards it.

We also had monthly trips and my favorite was doing grocery shopping the afternoon before with my groupmates. We assigned to prepare meals and took turns to cook. We went to islands, camps and other educational sites. It was so fun. Although I could not bloody swim and some days I feel sad because of being away from home. I missed 2 trips and forever hating my parents for it. I know they were just concerned but I missed out on alot. It was heartbreaking. I think it was because on our first trip, we climbed a mountain and stayed at a beach and I asked my parents to come over because my chest was aching but turns out I just needed rest. I don’t think I went home with them though or maybe I did, I kind of forgot. I stayed and missed the team building activities but I got to watch the games. Second trip, I missed. They talked about ghost soldiers and stuff. Third trip, we had to swim from one island to another which I couldn’t so I used a canoe, sort of. My mom accompanied us that time, she helped out with cooking and some other things. We stayed for 2 nights and one of my friend’s mom visited us too. Fourth trip, I think it’s that another one I missed. One time, we thought we discovered dinosaur remains, yeah our imagination were that wild. Some of us went fishing and the rest of us stayed at the Marine Biology site. We played ins and one of us tripped on a huge rock which was shaped like a dinosaur’s head. Then we started digging and then we talked about the islands around us making up stories about it. That night, we all slept at the rooftop and had a shadow show. Then we saw shooting stars. One unforgettable experience I had was getting lost in the mountains and getting help from NPAs because they freaking had rifles. It was raining and should have be frightening but at the time, it was more fun than scary and they brought us safe and sound to our campsite. I had a nightmare that night but I loved literally sleeping beneath the stars. I forgot how many trip we went to in total but I am thankful for each and every single one of them

It is funny how I went from a kid with all the big dreams to who I am today.

#kids #high school #life #hijas #memory

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fernsandsunflowers · 7 years

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Hi guys,

I never really make personal posts on here but I wanted to talk about my little buddy somewhere that was both public and private at the same time.

This is Zorro, I was almost 11 when we first met. My parents brought him as a bday surprise for my brother. I didn’t know they were going to get him a dog so I squealed when I saw my mother sneak him into the pantry to hide him away. The moment my brother set off to stay the night at a cousin’s I ran to the pantry and knelt on the floor. He was hiding behind a kitchen chair, peaking at me from behind one of the legs. I called to him and he tilted his head staring at me, a little unsure…I called again and his mouth broke into a giant smile and he bounded towards me, missed the landing and crashed right into my leg. We have been inseparable ever since. That night we gave him milk, the same amount we used to make for a giant German shepherd we dogsat a couple weeks ago, and he drank the ENTIRE bowl. His tummy got so big it dragged on the floor and he couldn’t walk straight. I begged my parents to let him sleep in my room. They reluctantly agreed, and I ended up spending the entire night mopping the floors because he peed EVERYWHERE. My parents brought him for my brother, but he was always mine. He followed me everywhere, even if I was just walking two feet away. He would wait outside the bathroom door for me. when I was in school, he’d come to the gate by 1pm and sit and wait for me to come back home. When I started work, he would wait at the gate by 4pm. When he got older, he’d wait by the doorway of my room or in the tv room his head facing the front door.

He was the number 1 fan of pets, he hated when I came home smelling like other dogs, he loved little kids and would let them torture him to no end - when my cousin was born my aunt stayed with us and that was the one time Zorro didn’t follow me around, he would stay by the door to their room and bark or come call someone the moment the baby started to stir. I also have this seriously hyper kid cousin who used to just throw stuff at him and poke him, and he wouldn’t bat an eye, he’d go and sit by him and let him do his thing - He loved to eat chicken, his favorite fruit was mangoes, and he used to eat anything we gave him as long as he knew we were eating it too. He loved to roll around in grass, and pee on mom’s new plants. When he was younger and did something naughty and mom would yell at him he’d get his revenge by going to her favourite plants, carefully biting off a flower and going and showing it to her. He didn’t give a rats ass about thunder, he’d sleep right through thunderstorms, but he HATED fireworks. We’d have to tie him up and give him some Piriton to help him sleep, but he was never one to be forced into anything. For a small dog he was strong, he’d manage to break out, fight the sleepiness and actually try to catch the firecrackers. You’d think this is impossible, but I come from Sri Lanka, even kids handle fireworks in my country, and a lot of the time we use fireworks that go off on the floor. One of my favourites was this one that would spin like a wheel on the ground, one time he got loose and chased one of them down the street trying to catch it in his mouth. Half the neighbourhood ran after him screaming to try and get him away. I was in hysterics for hours. But he was fine, except for a few burnt whiskers… His sense of smell was never really the same after that - we’d play hide and seek and he’d run right passed me sniffing at the floor. He loved walks, as most dogs do. Sri Lanka also has a lot of strays and my neighbourhood has its own little gang of like 15 dogs. They’d follow us on walks from a distance and I’d always be terrified they’d jump on him. But Zorro completely ignored them and I later figured out that he was actually sniffing out and peeing where the other dogs pee… he’s just that salty. He had long hair that curled at the end and my Cats loved to play with them. They’d slide along the floor and attack him as he walked and he’d stand there and let them have their fun. He never once snapped or growled at them. He hated when I’d start singing, he would tolerate it for about 10 minutes and then would start huffing pointedly. It didn’t stop me from writing him and singing him a lullaby, he didn’t seem to mind that one so much. I used to play the piano when I was younger and he’d make me stop by jumping onto the keys and walking all over them. He once saw a garden snake come up behind me and attacked it. Another time, a bird got fried on the overhead street wiring and my mom kept it on a rock while she went to find her gardening tools so she could dig a grave for it. When she came back the bird was gone and Zorro was covered in dirt. He had buried the bird himself. You’d think this is nothing, dogs often bury bones and things, but this is the first and only time Zorro has ever buried anything. We have a rambutan tree in our home whose branches fall onto our roof, the two of us would climb up to the roof every fruiting season and sit and eat rambutan. He liked the bitter ones the most which worked out great because I liked the sweet. He loved sweets too, cakes and candies and the rare tiny piece of chocolate. We’d have to take care to never keep anything within reach of him… things used to mysteriously disappear anyway. He learned pretty soon that when he was sick he was more likely to get sweets, we used to hide his pills in cakes and gummies, so he would pretend to be ill. He’d limp a little when people were a round and act like he can’t get up. Dad’s favourite story was the time he caught Zorro, who we thought had somehow injured his ankle (he even whined when the vet touched his ankle, she said nothing seemed broken or twisted, it must just be sore because he slept on it wrong so prescribed him something for the pain), walking normally and start limping, on the wrong foot, when he spotted my dad.

He was beautiful, his fur always shone and his hair was thick and long, he had little eyebrows and even eyelashes. I have never seen a cocker spaniel in Sri Lanka that looked as beautiful and as healthy as he did. You might say I’m biased but every vet we’ve ever been to and every person who’s ever seen him said the same. We had several little proposals for him but they never worked out. We had three girls brought home for him but he HATED them all. The poor things tried so hard to make friends with him but he lashed out at them. Eventually we stopped trying. My brother and I are pretty sure this was because he was gay. During mating season we’d sometimes find him staring longingly at the local dog gang (all male) through the bars of the gate. He loved Tuk Tuk rides because he was just too short to see out the car window. He walked the streets like he owned them and it showed, people would come out of their homes to fawn over him and he’d trot along, head held high. If he was in the way of oncoming traffic, no matter what the vehicle, it was clear that he would not move from it but the vehicle had to move for him. Every vehicle in the neighbourhood knew to make a nice, wide turn, away from his path because he wasn’t going to change his. About 4 months ago our garden wall was broken down for reconstruction and we had taken him out for his nightly pee and poop session. He was taking ages and mom and I were watching a show on tv. So we told him dad was on the way home and he’d let him in and went inside. He had decided to go looking for dad who worked about 150 metres away from our home. He’d one over the broken wall and made it to the main road. I was told that the Tuk Tuk drivers with the help of one of the traffic policeman had created a wall against oncoming traffic so he wouldnt get hit, and because he refused to let anyone touch him two men came running to our house to fetch us so we can bring him back home. Thank god he’s so famously known in town! He created a massive traffic jam and noone complained. Mind you he was deaf and blind at this point so we are pretty sure he simply followed dad’s scent because we have never taken him that way towards the main road before and dad’s the only one who takes that path and he was apparently very purposefully making his way to dad’s office building.

He grew to display behaviour so fundamentally similar to me that we were almost the same person. He hated potatoes, He loved chicken. He hated getting up in the morning and was most active in the night. He hated being helped, towards the end he found it difficult to get up, difficult to walk, but he always had to try by himself for several minutes before grudgingly allowing us to help him. He pretended to hate attention but loved being the centre of it. He hated having his picture taken and he liked baths only after he was in them. He was ticklish on his sides, he was grumpy in the mornings, he liked to go to places only for the ride, once we got to a place it was like ok home now. He was very mellow, he took everything in stride and never complained, he would be mad at you for approximately 2.5 seconds. He was friendly towards everyone but had his favourites… this showed. He was a little afraid of birds. He hated milk by itself and loved roasted dhal. He liked his bread buttered and only slightly toasted. He didn’t like being told what to do and would pathologically rebel, whether it was being asked not to sit during bathtime or being given sedatives at the vets before getting stitches (he was given enough sedatives to affect a much larger dog, but he refused to let it get to him and didnt even go to sleep that night).

I should have accepted that his time was done, I shouldn’t have tried to force down his medicine. I think I caused him a lot of pain towards the end. I should have just let him be in peace. I shouldnt have carried him to the doctors every day. He hated being carried. I’m so scared that he hated me those last few days. I told him over and over that I was sorry, I just wanted to help. But a dog doesn’t understand all that. He’s gone now and and I caused him all that stress for nothing. And it’s breaking my heart.

He was my home for 14 years and 3 months and 9 days. I don’t really know how to be or do without him here. How am I supposed to want to come back home knowing he won’t be there waiting for me. How am I to sleep without the sound of his snores punctuating the air. I don’t know how I’m supposed to go to the washroom without hearing him padding to the door and loudly sniffing underneath it to see if I was there. I keep expecting to hear him bark softly from outside the door to let me know he was outside and not inside. I keep tripping on myself thinking he was lying on the floor and I was about to step on him. I couldn’t go to sleep yesterday because he didn’t wake me up in the middle of the night to ask for a midnight snack or to let me know he needed to pee.

There was a brilliant sunset yesterday, the whole sky turned gold as we set him down in his little coffin and decorated his grave with flowers. There was a rainbow too. People sent me pictures, saying it was a sign. I don’t want a sign, I don’t want him up there. I want him home with me where he’s supposed to be.

#i'm so sorry my love

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vsirin · 7 years

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@nickygrimms tagged me to do the 92 truths game so!!! thank u!

Rules: Once you have been tagged you are supposed to write 92 truths about yourself. At the end, choose 25 people to tag!

THE LAST…

1. Drink: water (thats all i drink tbh)

2. Phone call: it’s been Weeks but probably the library

3. Text message: i texted my sister abt the sims

4. Song you listened to: kiwi by harry styles

5. Time you cried: i was close to crying on sunday but i didnt... i think i cried some time last week about 1) michael and 2) flinthamilton reunion

HAVE YOU EVER…

6. Dated someone twice: ive never dated someone ONCE lol

7. Been cheated on: nope

8. Kissed someone and regretted it: cant regret it if u never do it B)

9. Lost someone special: yea

10. Been depressed: a little bit?

11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: no

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS

foresty green, yellow (like the van gogh sunflower shade of yellow), and maroon

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU…

15. Made new friends: yep!!

16. Fallen out of love: no

17. Laughed until you cried: yes

18. Found out someone was talking about you: idt so?

19. Met someone who changed you: yes i think every friend changes my life bc im so grateful to have friends

20. Found out who your true friends are: yes

21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: i have 2 fb friends and no i have not kissed either of them

22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life? 1 (hey thats half of them though!)

23. Do you have any pets?: yea 3 dogs

24. Do you want to change your name?: yeaaah it’s a Struggle bc i dont like it but its my Name and i feel stupid trying to go by smth else? idk :/

25. What did you do for your last birthday? ummmm i went to a used bookstore and treated myself to half of inxs’s albums.. then i think i got taco bell for lunch? and ate spaghetti for dinner. AND played mass effect andromeda for the first time

26. What time did you wake up? YIKES today is a bad day to ask lol i think i wasnt up until 12:45 or later...

27. What were you doing at midnight last night? drivin home :// rip

28. Name something you cannot wait for: like in the big scheme of things, i cant wait to learn the Skills necessary for my dream job so i can make video games for a living

29. When was the last time you saw your mother: i see her right now

30. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: i mean there are things i wish were different but more in a “i’ll accomplish these things one day” and not just “i want to change this now” ??? idk

31. What are you listening to right now: a compilation of kirk pengilly’s sax solos

32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: yes

33. Something that is getting on your nerves: 1) the fact i have to pee and im not getting up to go and 2) i need to draw and i WANT to draw and yet...

34. Most visited website: probably twitter bc i always go on there n talk

35. Elementary: yes

36. High school: yes

37. College/university: no... bc of $$$

38. Hair color: brown

39. Long hair or short: it’s like shoulder length rn but i want it long again so

40. Do you have a crush on someone: not IRL

41. What do you like about yourself: physically i love my nose which i used to hate a LOT but not anymore, i like my eyes and how many freckles i have, and then not-physically i like that i’m a nice and soft person and i’m emotional and sensitive and i think thats nice plus i think i have Cool taste in movies and music and things

42. Piercings: no i am so scared of needles and it’ll never happen

43. Blood type: how tf should i know

44. Nickname: none rlly? i want a nickname tho someone give me one

45. Relationship status: single but Actually luke arnold is my Boyfrend so

46. Zodiac sign: taurus

47. Pronous: she/her but im not... idk im chill

48. Favorite TV show: black sails!! but i also love battlestar galactica a LOT and chuck is one of my favs too.. i could go on but this only asked for fav and not top 5 lol

49. Tattoos: none bc... im scared of needles.. and i’ll probably never get one lol i’m a weenie

50. Right or left hand: right

FIRST…

51. Surgery: ive never had one

52. Piercings: none

54. Sport: um?? ive never really Done a sport like i’ve never been on a team or anything. but i did a lot of biking and i was a hardcore jump-roper when i was little

55. Vacation: the beach!!

56. Pair of trainers: “what is this asking lol” same nour

57. Eating: im not currently eating anything

58. Drinking: water

59. I’m about to: go through all the tabs i have open RIP

60. Listening to: various inxs songs, i just finished learn to smile and now im listening to we are thrown together

61. Waiting for: hmmm... breakfast tmm... tomorrow in general bc im gonna Do things... my beach vacation later this summer... im always waiting for when i achieve my Ultimate Goal of making video games but that sort of implies im not doing anything abt it and thats not tru

62. Want: some food... some potatoes... i want to start some more hobbies like embroidery, gardening, and yoga maybe?? and i want to be able to do handstands and splits so i wanna do more stretching and what not.. i want lots of things but not in a whiny/im not trying to achieve these goals type of way if that makes sense

63. Get married: i mean maybe... like the concept is cute... when i look at my Favs (read: luke) i’m like “yeah i would marry them in a heartbeat” but irl i just dont know we’ll see.. im a Romantic type of person (despite being aromantic lol) but for me i need just a Soul Connection w/ someone and if it’s not in a marriage type of way then thats okay? idk man

64. Career: oh i know this one!!! video game programmer!!!

YOUR TYPE…

65. Hugs or kisses: ???? how can i answer this??? if i loved someone i would want hugs AND kisses?? but yeah hugs probably

66. Lips or eyes: ugh this is so hard i dont know??? bc w/ ppl i like i always appreciate all their features so much... i dont know which i prefer.. but to answer the question i guess i’ll go w/ eyes

67. Taller or shorter: taller

68. Older or younger: older than me or at least born the same year idk im always younger than my friends and it’s weird to be older than ppl

70. Nice arms or nice stomach: stomach... i like a soft tummy but like idk arms are just arms yknow...

71. Sensitive or loud: 100% sensitive

72. Hook up or relationship: relationship

73. Troublemaker or hesitant: hm... i would say hesitant bc i am but then i dont know, balance /is/ key right... can i just say like “reasonable” instead of an extreme lol

HAVE YOUR EVER… (these are all gonna be no’s lol)

74. Kissed a stranger: no

75. Drank hard liquor: no

76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: no

77. Turned someone down: i mean not really?

78. Sex on the first date: no

79. Broken someone’s heart: no

80. Had your heart broken: every episode of black sails broke my heart so yeah

81. Been arrested: no

82. Cried when someone died: who doesnt cry when someone dies lol yes

83. Fallen for a friend: i dont Know what romantic feelings are so how would i know

DO YOU BELIEVE IN…

84. Yourself: yep

85. Miracles: yes

86. Love at first sight: like i know it’s not Really but hey why not i think it’s a cute idea ,,, i think u can get Vibes from people and u can be attracted to their vibe yknow

87. Santa Claus: no

88. Kiss on the first date: sure

89. Angels: yes

OTHER…

90. Current best friend’s names: trina & alyssa (and u nour!!)

91. Eye color: blue

92: Favorite movie: jurassic park!!!! bc of bby joe mazzello and it’s just a good movie. and also my fav but in a different way is catch me if you can... and i’m having a hard time not saying the great gatsby too AND rush bc 1) chris hemsworth and 2) race cars!!! and 3) i love niki lauda and daniel bruhl’s accent in it is so good... also one more is snowpiercer, it would be my top fav except that it’s so heavy and i have to be in a super specific vibe to watch it... anyway those are my favs sort of in order

and i’ll tag the same ppl i always tag to do this: @punkrockaries @ageofthesith @fignewmans

#personal #this was lots of fun! thank u for tagging me nour :*

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dongsooks · 7 years

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Dating Bambam (Got7)

I had this done down to the tags and then Tumblr decided to ACT UP AND CRASH and all of it got lost :) No shade Tumblr but what a bitch move

when he first started liking you

he’d be a dog that barks doesn’t bite y'know?

he’d always tell the other’s about how he’ll do this and that to catch your attention

but the second you come around

he be sitting quietly in his seat

and say a high pitched greeting

one time he got you a drink

but he was so excited about giving it to you he drank it himself

and then when he saw you

he looked down and was like

‘I knew something felt wrong about drinking it’

and whenever you compliment him let’s say for performing so well

he’d take it all cool like

“Glad you liked it haha”

but then later with the members he’d be like

“shE SAiD i diD WELL”

and he isn’t bold enough to make moves on you but if anyone else was

lord he’d get pissed not even at you

but he’d be all petty and you’d cash him ousside and ask if he’s avoiding you

and he’d be like

“idk just didn’t wanna interfere with your special friend”

and you’d be like

“way to be an idiot :/”

and then he’d be like

“shit”

and decide it’s time it’s time to confess

and say sorry and he gathers his strength

and gets you a bouquet of your favourite flower and goes to your place and gives you a speech

“Y/N I’m sorry about being a weird asshole it’s just I like you and I am not a cocky and cool as I always pretend so I was scared you’d like someone else way more than me and that I’m just the weird boy trying to woo you. I am honestly sorry. I hope you can forgive me and accept me and my confession”

and you’re shook for a second because does he have a fever????

where did that serious Bambam come from whut?

But you smile and hug him and tell him you like him too

and he just fist in the air victory screech small wiggle of happiness and then he’ll get blushy like

“I’ll take you on a date tomorrow night okay?”

and you agree and he leaves

and IMMEDIATELY CALLS HIS FRIENDS

“I AM ALMOST A TAKEN MAN I CONFESSED AND DIDNT GET REJECTED”

So that date he asked you to be his and you said yes

the moment you start officially dating his shyness is gone

new Bambam who dis????

he’d come at you with the dirtiest, cheesiest, dumbest pick up lines

and he’d ask his members if they were good

but not Jinyoung a rational member

he’d ask like Mark and/or Yugyeom

and they’d hype him up so bad

so he comes at you like

“Hey, hey Y/N, what do a candle and I have in common?”

“Tell me”

“You should blow us ;)))”

and you roll your eyes and he’d pout and get defensive like

“BUT MARK SAID THAT WAS A GOOD ONE”

“BUT YOU SHOULDN’T DO THINGS IF MARK TUAN SAYS THEY ARE GOOD DON’T YOU LEARN BOY?”

So idk if you knew but Bambam’s second same is skinship

Kunpimook Skinship Bhuwakul

at least in a relatinship

he would be your damn shadow

no even closer

loves showing you off

doesn’t even care if his member will tease him

they probably did at first but then gave up bc

“Uhh Y/N and Bambam kissing, did I see right????”

“Yeah”

he would also like leaving small trails of kisses everywhere

and laying on your chest, butt, tummy

everywhere that’s not normal body consistency but softer

he would seek closeness and comfortability in a relationship

physical and emotional

like if he slept over and you’d be ready for bed cuddling and he felt you were still wearing a bra he’d frown and be like

“Free the nipple don’t be scared. Let your friends out”

and totally would burp and fart in front of you no shame

one time you two went out for a massive meal

afterwards he had an intense case of the shits

and you sat next to him holding his hand and petroleum jelly

and febreze

that’s how close you two are

so you know how when you are pregnant you need to ‘eat for two’

yeah when youu are dating Bambam you need to think for two

bc homeboy surely doesn’t sometimes

one time he asked you if you think it’d really hurts that bad if one applied Sriracha on their anus

“Kunpimook Bhuwakul do not!”

he called you later that day

“Hey, funny story I just came back from a small trip to the hospital. Yeah I have like a minor burn on my asshole, could you by any chance get some of the prescribed cremes for me?”

when you think of Bambam what comes to your mind?

what is one thing he does??

he dabs

when you two meet

he dabs

when you get him a present

he das

when you take a picture

he dabs

once he dabbed after an intimate moment and you just stared into the void thinking about wether his life is really worth keeping

He would tell you about how he wants to take you to Thailand some day

and as that’s not possible from one day to the other

he would want to teach you a little Thai

you’d ask him to tell you what “Hello my name is Y/N” means

but instead he would teach you “I like the smell of ass, Y/N”

and then five minutes before you met his family for the first time he turns to you and is like

“Please don’t say a single one of the words I thaught you”

And he would show you Thai dishes and if it had let’s say meat in it

it could be beef and he’d tell you it’s duck dick

and then you look it up bc aT THIS POINT TBH

and find out he lied

“Bambam if you don’t stop it’s gonna be your dick let me tell you”

but fun and jokes aside

sometimes

especially when he was homesick, schedule was tough etc

he would just want to be held and cry a little

and if you were ever going through something

he would just hug you and hold you close and listen and advice you

you would really be each others rock

and other times you two would just lay in bed at night next to each other and talk about anythings that comes up

and one of these times you two talked about the universe and all the odds

and how you two were born at the same time and came to the same place and fell in love for each other

and how if you think about that it’s a small miracle

and he turns to look at you and

“I love you”

“I love you too”

for dates he would like chill and comfortable things

and he would like them in the later hours of the day

he would regularly want to take casual but ethereal™ couple goal pictures

that would take a minimum of 58 attemps each time

Overall: A relationship with Bambam would be an expierence to say the least. It would be full of jokes and laughter and he would not mind making a fool of himself if it would cheer you up. But he would have a serious side too, requiring you to nurture him, whihc he would give back as well. He would seek proximity and would let you into his deepest thoughts.

#Got7 #Bambam #got7 bambam #got7 boyfriend #got7 kunpimook #got7 scenarios #got7 imagines #bambam scenarios #bambam imagines #bambam as a boyfriend #boyfriend au

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bubbly-sanguine-sunflower · 4 years

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sometimes im filled with so much wonder for this world, for the people, the beautiful and often heart wrenchingly way we're connected the empathy we can feel. for the sheer amount memories that are stacked ontop of each other, for how many stories and magic moments this world has seen, so much of it buried and forgotten but showing even now through worn objects touched by so many different people, and in the stars every ancestor has looked up at.

wonder for the magic in the little things, the light dancing ontop of water, rain hitting your skin, the smell of cats, bioluminescent fungi, music that makes your heart dip, babies smiling at strangers. everything everything it fills me up and i wish i could hold onto it always i wish i could capture this feeling and store in it a jar in my pocket for a rainy day. i wish i knew how to share it properly, how to infuse it into joys skin into her tummy into her chest into all the empty cold scared pockets so she Never felt bad again. i wish i knew how to take away hurt. i know hurt is necessary and it happens in nature and elephants morn and bury their dead and it has to exist but i dont waNT IT

ive known too many people going through hurt. why do i keep finding people who hurt? is it because i want them to know me to understand my hurt? is it because i want to feel like im useful like i have a purpose, is it because if someone else is hurting im not allowed to hurt. god even this even this i can manage to make it selfish, i know i get sucked into the whole 'is anything truly selfless and when your selfish actions create good in the world is it really bad' but it is bad!!! if i knew someone just wanted to be with me because i stopped them hurting- well i would be grateful because i dont want people to hurt but. hhhHhhHH this was a wholesome post it was goood it was soft and the light content love for the world.

you know i always think of arin when i notice those things because arin talked about it out loud and so i thought i stole it from them but i didnt. ive always loved the world ive always looked close and the yellow/purple/blue stripes on mosquitos noticed the small, wanted to conect wanted to hold to hug to have. joy has the want. joy understands. its different to arins understand. their hurts are different. arins hurt was squashed and flat and tired. joy has those too but i think deeper deeper theyre raw and angry and i dont think she knows what to do with it yet. i think joys really smart and so was arin but i think arin was more ready to exist with it forever. i think joy will fight for a long long time and maybe she'll have to exist with it forever too and have to make peace with it which isnt fair i hate it i want to- hm. i want to keep being here for her. i cant screw up like i did with arin

its weird how easily my brain suggests running. i never really knew about commitment issues til now. i think joy would understand if it ever did get so bad that i tried to leave. i think as long as i explained. hmm but also shes really scared of being left. its gonna be okay. ive already learnt so much. theres so much more to learn. i wont blank i will learn how to be here all the time i Will. god the future stuff freaks me out so bad. money stuff freaks me out so bad. it was so bad with lyn but i dont want to complain more than i do because joy needs it i can recognise it in her voice how she talks. she would never push so much if she didnt have that racey thing in her chest. i want to prove to her she can trust me to be there trust the future to be kind to us. it makes sense to be scared. it makes sense that it makes me so scared to think of too though.

sometimes i think having thoughts is pointless. i might like to be a rock. ive been thinking about Ali a lot recently, i wonder why. im surprised we could talk without me freaking out. she didnt have tone. arin had tone. joy has tone but it changes a lot. i dont think i mind that because it means i can change mine too and it feels right. but i do need to remember to remind myself it doesnt mean she doesnt like me. i think that will get easier i think it will make my relationships with everyone better

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threethousandfans · 5 years

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Anything in my power pt2

Part 2 of my previous fic, anything in my power. Natasha gets orders from Fury that shes going to be sent on a mission with Steve. Fluff ensues.

Natasha woke to complete peace. She had had no nightmares and she felt completley rested. Natasha felt almost like she was floating, as all of the aches of fatigue had been lifted, just from one solid night of sleep. The source of the soft breathing beside her was the cause of her bliss. Clint had helped her to discover her emotions, which in turn lead to her discovering her feelings for him. Later, he had invited her to bed and she had fallen asleep with no trouble.

Natasha was lay on her back. Clints room was a mess, but he was a messy person. Clint lived at the shield quarters when he was needed here in the city, so he was able to bring everything with him. Whereas Natashas downtown apartment had been destroyed, along with most of her belongings. This meant that she had nothing. Clints arm rested on her tummy, she turned her head so she could see his face. She was used to seeing him stressed and underpressure. But not now. He almost looked angelic as he slept. She pressed a gentle kiss to his lips and watched as his eyes fluttered open.

Clint smiled as he realised where he was. He almost thought that he dreamnt last night, it was so perfect. Clint used his grip on natashas waist to bring her closer to him, natasha giggled as he nuzzled his nose into her hair. She always smelt so amazing. Their moment of perfection was abruptly interrupted by a persistant buzzing.

Clint reached up and grabbed his phone off the night stand. "Barton here." He answered. His voice was husky and rough and Natasha tried not to think about how much it turned her on. "Shit, sorry sir i overslept." Natasha smiled. Her partner would always take the blame for sleeping in on missions. Even though it was mostly her fault. "Dont worry sir. Ill be down straight away. Ill drag romanoff down with me." With that he threw his phone to the end of the bed and snuggled back under the covers with natasha.

She layed her head on his chest. "Fury sounded pissed." She smiled. Natasha and Clint were known trouble makers. In fact, they had quite the repuatation for doing what they want and when they wanted it.

"He said we have 10 minutes or hes bringing the meeting to me, and the whole board will see me in my underwear." Clint informed her

"I wonder how far we can test that."

Clint pushed her out of bed, she landed on the floor in a crouch, with a huge smile on her face. Clint also got out of bed, he stood up and stretched, everything on show considering he only slept in his boxers. Natasha eyed him up not so secretly.

15 minutes later, BlackWidow and Hawkeye strolled into the makeshift shield control room in stark tower. "Good. I was considering asking jarvis to turn on the fire sprinklers in your apartment." Tony commented. Fury was sat at the head of a long table, with 3 shield agents and Maria Hill. Stark was sat just to the side, on a table that had coffee and pastries. Clint sat down and swung on one of the wheely desk chairs whilst natasha headed to get her caffiene fix. Fury began to talk. "Does Barton have just as good aim in bed, or is his arrow too short?" Stark whispered in her ear.

"Watch your mouth Stark." She hissed, taking a seat opposite Clint at the table, with a fresh mug of deliciousness in her hand.

Long story short, the meeting was about Coulsons funeral, or atleast Clint thought. He had been sat back in his chair with his heavy boots on the table, wishing the meeting would end so that he could get natasha alone. They were called behind when the meeting was dismissed, Fury wanted a word. "You guys have two weeks vacation. You dont have to stay here, do what you want. Then, Romanoff will be sent on a mission with Cap. Barton you wont be needed for this mission. You will be expected to stay home and train the new shield recruits. Okay?"

Natasha felt like an anchor had just dropped in her chest. She couldnt be seperated from Clint now. They had just made a major break through in their relationship and she didnt want to ruin it. For some reason, tears welled up in her eyes and a lump formed in the back of her throat. Inside, her heart was thumping so loud that she couldnt even hear herself accept the mission and walk out the door, saying she feeling ill.

She walked as far as her legs could take her, in the general not-Fury direction. The best way she could describe the feeling in her ribs was burning anger. But that didnt explain why she was crying. Nothing in her head made sense and it only made Natasha cry more and get more angry, but this time with herself. She took the stairs and climbed until she could no longer climb. The stairs led to a fire exit that led on to roof. Natasha, defeated by her emotions, sat on the step with her head in her hands.

It wasnt until 45 minutes later that clint found her, he had done a sweep of every floor and was just about to start a search of the surrounding area. When he got to Natasha she was staring demonically at wall, with her head against the bannister, she had tear marks down her face. Clint sat on a step further down the staircase than Natasha, with his back leaning on the bannister. "Princess, its not that bad." He said looking concerned.

She hated the look of worry on his face. She was perfectly independant and didnt need anyone worrying over her. This was something she could handle herself. "You dont get it." She whispered coldly. He didnt understand how she was feeling, how could he? He was never conditioned never to feel pain. He was never punished for crying. He could love and he could grieve and no one had ever told him not to.

"Talk to me then" The room went silent, whilst Natasha continued to stare. Only the sound of their breathing could be heard.

Very carefully and very quietly, natasha spoke up. "You are the only person i have ever loved." She swallowed. "The only time ive been allowed to show affection was last night. And now...." natasha shook her head. "Now i have to leave you, and spend a few weeks on a mission." She looked Clint in the eye. "What if i stay in my Black Widow headspace? What happens if i come back and i cant love you again?"

Clint chuckled a little. "I guess im gonna have to show you how awesome i am again."

"Is this a joke to you?" She snapped venomously.

"Nat." Clint said affectionatley. "I can give you the best two weeks of your life. We can go to the ranch and ill cook for you and we can snuggle every day." He ran his hand through his hair. "And when youre on that mission you can think of that and you can remember what youre coming home to. If you decide you dont want to come home, you dont have to."

Clint stood up. He felt like a dagger had been pierced into his throat an it was working its way down to his stomach, tearing him apart. He walked over to Natasha and sat next to her, but didnt touch her. "Honestly Nat, that would tear me apart, but im willing to let you go if thats what makes you happy."

She shook her head. "Loosing you would be awful. I never realised how much i needed you until yesterday." Gingerly, she took his hand and interlocked their fingers. "Im scared of you leaving, because im an awful girlfriend and i cant show emotion."

He shook his head. "Honestly Princess, if you can find a girl in New York who could help me take down a dozen men and not get squimish about having blood on her hands. Give me her number."

Natasha smirked. "I know a girl."

"I can drive us down to the ranch tonight. We can spend two weeks alone. We can see how good the sex really is." He winked at her, making her let out a small laugh. "And we can just be Clint and Natasha. Forget about Hawkeye and BlackWidow for a bit.

Natasha smiled and pressed a kiss to his cheek. "That sounds amazing".

#clint barton #clintasha #natasha romanoff #blackhawk #black widow #hawkeye #threethousandfans #my work #avengers fanfiction #fanfiction #fanfic #marvel fanfiction #marvel #steve rogers #captain america #winter soldier

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winsomelychic · 5 years

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20 Things I Wish I Knew

You’re pregnant and having a baby. For some of you, this is a dream come true and you have waited for this moment. For others, you are staring at the test in disbelief. I think I was a bit of both. I was so excited to be pregnant, but my mind was also in a million different places. What was happening next? I wish there was a “You’re pregnant - For Dummies…”. I am sure there is a book like this but I am too lazy to go searching for it and I lack the patience to fully read it to find the generic textbook pregnancy answers. If you’re like me, you want the truth and facts up front. People often sugar coat pregnancy, but if you are anything like me, you want to know what it is really like. The good, the bad, the ugly -SPILL. So buckle up and enjoy the ride! Here are a few things I didn't know . . .

20 Things I Wish I Knew

The doctors don't come in until the baby is about to crown. You and your L&D nurse do most of the work together. When she has your legs situated, you will begin to push. If it is anything like me, the practice pushes are the real deal. Those pushes are just the first couple to help you figure out what to do. So don’t panic when she says lets go and there are no doctors around. Once you baby is in a certain position, then a team of doctors will come in. *This is at least how it was for me.

You might get stretch marks or a black line down your belly. Your body is changing rapidly and sometimes the creams and oils just don’t help.

Don’t over pack your hospital bag. Just pack the essentials because you wont need to much while you are there.

Your hormones are all over the place, during pregnancy and after birth. I broke out in hives when I found out, my leg hair started growing really slowly, and my emotions were all over the place. If you have changes, its likely the hormones.

Your birth plan might not be what happens the day of. I can attest to that - My husband and I were preparing for my labor. It happened so fast that our two friends that were visiting got stuck in the room. It is a funny story to look back on!

You might go number 2 when in labor- LIKE I MEAN YOU MAY POOP. You practically are pushing like you are using the restroom. They know this might happen and they will quickly remove it so you don’t even know. If your husband is like mine, he will tell you if you do. Luckily I didn’t or else I wouldn't hear the end of it!

If you get an epidural, you never see the needle. They simply put it in your back while you are staring in your partner’s eyes. There were like three vibrations with mild pressure that went up my back and that was that. It might not work at first or at all - it all just depends.

You might wear a nursing gown, you might get naked, you might be dressed and covered. It just depends on how your labor process goes. I would wear the nursing gown the hospital provides though because it does get a little messy.

You see all those ladies post partum - leaving the hospital and looking ADORABLE. What you do not see is what is happening underneath it all. They are probably wearing a diaper and feeling like S*@!. They have bleeding - and most likely there is a lot. If you have a vaginal delivery, there is a lot of stuff going on down there. I would bring loose clothing and make sure it is comfy because you will have either a diaper, pads, and cooling pads and you still have a tummy when you head home. Sorry, that belly doesn’t disappear overnight. I looked about 4 months pregnant when I left the hospital.

Push time may be hours or it could be 40 minutes and 10 contractions later.

GOODBYE TMI. Prepare to say things you would never imagine saying- like my poop comment up there. Also, prepare for everyone to be looking at your lady goods. You will not be shy and if you are - get over it. No, when the time comes, you will only be thinking about having that baby.

The first potty time: Okay, after I had Marleigh I just wanted to shower. I quickly showered and then a nurse came in and said she needed a sample of my urine. Peeing is no joke when you just had a baby and you feel like everything is going to fall out. I was so scared to sit down. Don’t be ashamed to have the nurse help you walk to the bathroom. Also, have your nice Frida bottle with warm water ready to help ease the sting. Going #2… Yeah that is also scary and you will be uncomfortable. Like I said, you feel like everything is about to fall out. Don't worry- it doesn't. Also it is messy down there- remember that too. So the bathroom might get a little messy too.

Baby poop: I knew the first poo was a thick, dark, poo but I did not realize it would be tough like tar to get off the babies bottom. It also lasted a few days. If you have a girl as well, she might have a “baby period” - so prepare for that. Nothing scary, just kind of weird.

Say goodbye to a lot of cute clothes - Nursing friendly outfits can be difficult to find. I figured once I had the baby and lost the weight, I would go back to wearing my cute dresses, rompers, etc. Rain check on those outfits now sitting in the back of my closet. You will be wearing clothes that you don’t mind getting dirty and that are nursing friendly. Unless you formula feed or exclusively pump, you will need easy access to your boobs.

Breastfeeding- I don't know how to explain the feeling of a letdown when you first get your supply and go into oversupply. Mine was like a painful, but relieving feeling (Is this how It feels for everyone?). Also just be careful for clog ducts and mastitis - I haven’t had it yet but I have heard it is very common and is SO painful. If you go through your first night with baby sleeping and miss a feeding, your boobs may be lumpy, super full, or leaking like you wet the bed.

You might get a hernia- before the baby or after. If you do, prepare to use the restroom for up to 30 minutes SWEATING and for some blood to be apparent. Not everything is beautiful when you are pregnant.

Prepare to overthink and doubt yourself, and when you think you finally found a solution, prepare to doubt yourself again. I swear making decisions seems daunting and impossible when it is a decision for your child.

This one is kind of nice: You do get some sleep with a newborn while in the hospital. You wake up quite often to feed and people coming in and out- but you can find time to sleep with the help of nurses and whoever is there to support you. What I didn't realize is that I was so lost in admiring my baby, I didn’t use that time to sleep wisely. USE IT IF YOU CAN. Once you go home, there is no help or sleep from there. I thought life would be like it was in the hospital when I went home but that was not the case. Bye bye sleep. The exhaustion is real the first few weeks. I would dream I was feeding Marleigh and then wake up and she wasn’t there. I would panic and realize she was sleeping in her crib.

During labor and the first few weeks home, you might see a new side to your partner. I swear I fell in love with my husband all over again. He had these emotions all over his face when she was born and had her first cry and then his face changed when we drove home. Then, again his demeanor changed the first time she fell asleep in her crib and then cried at 1am. It was like each emotion was completely new and I have never seen it before. It was an experience I can’t explain, but my heart will always remember.

When you go home, it might feel a little weird. You are happy, but its kind of like WOAH. This is real now. I kind of felt like I was sitting on the couch unsure of everything, but it will become a new norm. Your home will start to feel like your home again.

XOXO,

Jeana

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allhisdays · 6 years

Text

10 October 2018

dear diary

today was a quieter day than i expected work-wise.

my morning didn’t start as early as i’d have wished. i got up at 930, which isn’t terribly late and definitely better than 12(!!), and i was only ready for work at 11, not 10. i didnt feel too bad about it as i tend to be a little more tired than usual the day after ive seen the physio, so i wasnt too surprised. i didn’t rush anything though and took the time to sit down with God (tea, bible, prayer, drawing, singing, more tea) and so i was happy. :) i did start working on that nyc church’s book sample but quite frankly it’s pretty vague and i’m not sure i like their theology... tbc!

i wrote something down in my special notebook, words i came across during my quiet time and that kinda stuck:

(^heavily and badly photoshopped due to it being night time and my lack of skillz)

when i choose to obey God in the first thing He shows me, says Chambers, he will instantly open up the next thing, the next truth to me. this is spiritual growth - not that i’m seeking to grow into a relationship with God by little obedient steps (i already have a relationship with Him) but through obedience, i will grow in truth and knowledge and hope and perseverance and love (not necessarily in that order...!) and ultimately Christ-likeness. i like the picture those words paint in my head - heaven and God’s truths opening day after day, one obedient step after another. :)

so what else happened...

today was also mum’s day off. she saw her rhumatologist in the afternoon who told her AGAIN that she should stop working. i think she and he are going to try and find a way to get her a “disabled person”’s status, so she can stop working without it affecting her retirement fund. to be continued.

i wonder how ‘disabled’ i’ll be at her age. i know many things can happen in the next 30 years.... and who knows, God might heal me! or i might develop something new and/or worse!! it’s a good thing that i don’t have access to that kind of information, i much prefer leaving it all to God!

also, speaking of health and ability/disabilities, today i decided that i wanted a baby. i know, big stuff right. lol

^ babies have been on my mind a lot, especially those last 2-3 years. it’s not an easy thing for me to talk about because i never thought i would ever have one and i’m fine with that. to some people this attitude might seem “cold”, “selfish” or even “unchristian”... i don’t believe God will love me less if i don’t make babies, so to those people i want to say “thanks, but no. bye.” i’m not anti babies or anti children... never was! i think they’re great and that we need to love and nurture and care for them to the best of our abilities. i am pro life, i am pro babies. people, go and make babies - they’re so soft and cute and they smell great! well, except when they throw up and poop. :p

my point is, i love children. i love God. God loves children. God loves me. i am His child. nothing will separate me from His love - i believe that when the bible says “nothing” it also includes a lack of little ones coming out of my private parts. hope thats not too graphic for ya, diary. Christ is enough. He always will be. i cannot find fulfillment anywhere or in anyone else, not even my own potential child/ren. the bible tells me so.

but today i decided that i would probably want to try if i am still able when/if the time comes. this is a huge shift in mindset for me... really huge... as most of my life i never really saw kids in the picture or even considered them, as i figured it’d be too dangerous for me/them to even allow the thought of a pregnancy to enter my head.

but now it has.

and i haven’t ignored it. in fact, i have thought/prayed about it more than i have let on. over the past 15 or so years i’ve heard, listened and read all of my friends’ (and there have been MANY) stories of pregnancy/birth/postbirth/motherhood. friends of all ages, from all sorts of backgrounds, whose children came into this world health, some not so much and others who didn’t make it at all. a mixture of heart-melting, heart-breaking, terrifying, gut-wrenching and many many wonderfully beautiful experiences too. ive prayed for them. ive mourned with them. i’ve felt their pain, i’ve also felt their joy. i know parenthood isn’t easy and comes with both rewards and at a certain price.

there was also this time last summer when i had mustered up enough courage to cautiously pick my physio’s brains on pregnancy for scoliotic people. i wanted to know his thoughts. i can’t remember if i mentioned it here but i never really shared the details of that convo with stv at the time, or anyone else except God. i just needed to ponder those things quietly in my heart and let God do His thing. it was many many weeks ago but i never stopped thinking about everything physio said - about how the female body knows what to do and how to prepare for a pregnancy; that yes, i would most likely need to see a specialist and be monitored closely as pain management might be the main issue (can’t really take anything for the pain while pregnant), but overall he was pretty positive, dare i say cautiously encouraging? he didn’t say “no you can’t”. his positiveness was shocking. i expected him to tell me what i’ve been telling myself my whole life: “ NO WAY, TOO DANGEROUS”.

so this process, those conversations, all led me to this point: God, i want a baby. at least i’m GOOD and ok with the idea of having one if that is Your will for me. i am willing to carry a little person in my womb. i am willing to create life together with You. i am willing to feel his/her little limbs kicking against my tummy and praise You for it. i am willing and excited to see the look on his/her daddy’s face when he first sets his eyes on his son or daughter(s). i am willing to discover and know that kind of love that is so very unique and that may give me strength i never thought i had. yes, my body will probably be a bit of a wreck (!) but i believe You can do anything and You will prepare and heal me, so i needn’t be scared. i needn’t worry.

and God, i am also still ok with the idea of not having children. but when and if comes the time when You believe i’m ready and that it is something you have in store for me i say “ok”, i say “yes, let’s do it”. You’ll be here with me, as You always have been and always will.

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susanner257066-blog · 7 years

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Therefore Easy Yet So Complicated.

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