#also idk if what i think is me flirting is reciprocated even if it sort of feels like it. at least at some point tonight it felt like it

[shantechni]

In honor of Valentine’s, let’s rundown the love interests of the 12 Turtles!

Leo: Karai. For a bit, but then things got wierd and complicated. Leo’s alone 😢

Raph: My boy got himself a space warrior lizard girl, Mona Lisa!

Mikey: Also alone, but he may have a shot with Renet. And I think he showed interest in Shinigami? (Besides Usagi, Mutant Apocalypse, and Bebop and Rocksteady a couple times, I only watched S6 once)

Donnie: Oh, Don. Our hopeless romantic. April may not fully reciprocate, but at least he got a kiss.

Damn. Raph is the big winner in the love game.

I MEANT TO ANSWER THIS WHEN IT WAS STILL VALENTINE'S DAY😭😭

Raph definitely came out on top and won the race lol. Donnie was stuck in a "will they won't they" situation for so long that he and April just kinda melted into friendship status after a while, and Leo has 0 rizz, let's be real. He only got lucky for a minute there because Karai likes how weird New York is, and he sucked at flirting in space (which reminds me, how he gonna judge Raph for liking Mona when he straight up tried to hit on an alien himself💀I guess he was focused on her slightly humanoid appearance versus Mona being a giant newt).

Honestly, I'm still stuck on Renet telling everyone she's like 1000 years in the past everytime she travels to find them, and even Mikey was like "😶" when she said that, so that definitely ain't happening no matter how much S5 may want to make it happen. And I think Shinigami just likes that he's fond of her since the others are often either wary of her or neutral (I also suspect part of the reason for her introduction as a potential partner for Mikey was because of what Renet mentioned lol, idk). Mikey and Shini could happen, or he could just be in a little phase of the sorts like Donnie was for...a while, and I'd be fine either way. She's the first woman he's crushed on in their time period, so there's potential for him just realizing over time he just found her really attractive and cool.

Raph hit the jackpot though fr, Mona was into him the moment she realized he wasn't an enemy, and the language barrier between them is rarely ever a problem because they just get each other y'know, THEY'RE JUS SO🥺💕Y'KNOW-

People can say what they want about the romance in the '12 series and most of the time they'd be right, but Raph and Mona was a huge win lol.

#answering your asks #tmnt #teenage mutant ninja turtles #tmnt 2012 #tmnt 2k12

[zero-braincells-left]

not a vent post but idk if anyone actually wants to listen to me talk about romance and my gf and. my confidence in my romantic attraction shattering right in front of me lmao. anywho

tldr: hmmmmmmmmmm hey i might be lithromantic. but first let’s go on several unrelated tangents that only barely go together to prove whatever point i was trying to make??

ive kind of felt like i feel romance. wrong ? like i know there isn’t a wrong way like this and whatnot but it’s still just. idk. first of all like,,,, i just don’t get the concept of falling in love (romantic). what being in love would even feel like. but most definitely not in an aromantic way, no, i 100% do have crushes. i am. extremely sure about that part. but that’s just liking people. i feel like im too young to be in love, but everyone else announces such. last time i used the word love romantically was fucking forever ago when i was in 4th grade with my very first crush. that, in fact, was not love. love is just a strong word.

(after writing everything else im unsure where to put this where it fits, but also, I haven’t really been able to imagine myself in any sort of long term, romantic relationship. i don’t want to get married, and i can’t see myself dating someone for, like, life.)

but i love my friends. because that’s platonic. love is a perfectly acceptable word to use for platonic or familial things in my mind. just not romance, at least not for myself? like i get the thing of having a partner and being able to say “i love you” and i mean. cmon. with all the ships i have I’ve imagined that with characters plenty of times. but like

i love my best(?) friend so, sosososo much more than i “love” my girlfriend. because, with dating, i just like her. romantic . and she knows that and the feelings mutual because love is just too strong a word for a relationship both of us know isn’t forever. but. do i even like her (romantic.)? i think so? i had a crush on her for like. half a year. and i know that was a crush, for sure. and that day on Halloween when we started dating i was happy, i was excited. but something about calling her my “girlfriend” felt so. weird. ive never dated anyone before, not even a shitty 3 day long elementary school “dating” kinda thing, so i just kinda chalked it up to that. i still can’t pinpoint what it is but right now. yeah, okay, we’re dating. whenever i think about that fact—I like the thought of it but i don’t like that it’s real. that it’s happening. the thought of being ‘romantic’ or holding hands or anything feels genuinely uncomfortable if i think about it now, even when it used to be a nice idea. and in practice, before either of us knew the other liked them, and we had all sorts of “fake” flirting bullshit, i was also perfectly fine and even happy (and flustered) by the closeness because. i liked her. and now with a relationship, even if the idea makes me really uncomfy, in practice I don’t really mind. it’s just, kind of, neutral.

speaking of which, I’ve made several “if you say that again im breaking up with you” or when she does something dumb/silly and goes ‘oh yeah? what you gonna do? break up with me?’ “yes” jokes. and like. she’s fine with that and we both think it’s funny but. i genuinely don’t not mean it, like, the idea of breaking up with her doesn’t bother me (well, it does a bit.) and the idea of staying with her, still dating, also doesn’t bother me (well, it does a bit). again im just completely neutral on it, and she knows this. but i feel like im only here because she likes dating me more than i enjoy it. i cant tell if I like this or not.

it’s like, knowing my feelings were reciprocated and being able to date her like I wanted to, made my feelings go away or at least. lessen (cause i still, I guess, do like her? sort of?)

anyways i guess I might be lithromantic then ? i already know of that label AND I’d considered it before.

for long as I can remember now, I guess, whenever I have crushes I can get over them really quickly. it’s just having that closure that’s fine. hell, earlier this year I liked one of my friends so i told him, got confirmation he didn’t like me back, and then got over it the next day. that was just a few months of crushing though—a couple years ago, i had a crush on one of my main friends at the time for one whole year. December to February of the following year. my feelings didn’t weaken over that time, either. then i got peer pressured into confessing, got confirmation it was a no, and the VERY. NEXT . DAY. i was over him. i knew it was a no so I didn’t dwell on it.

it’s just always been like that, I guess. i can get over anyone if I have the closure.

but nobody’s ever liked me back before. what happens if that ‘closure’ is a yes? i thought about it one time maybe a year or so ago and thought that, yeah, maybe I’d stop liking someone if that was the case. and now it… sort of is. i don’t know how I feel about my gf or what to do about it and I don’t know how to talk to her about it. i know she’s understanding of that so it’s not that im scared she’ll think im weird or wrong for it, just. idk. i dont even know what I’d say, but I might try tomorrow.

im fine dating her, i honestly don’t mind it, i just feel like being able to. express how i do feel about it at least haha. and i feel really guilty that this might be mostly one-sided on her end.

i have another thing to say actually but I’ll rb and add it on cause I want to end this specific thought here

#zero’s irrelevant thoughts #gf.. #uhhh hh #idk man

[khaleesiofalicante]

Hi. So something happened in my life and I need a bit of advice. I hope you don't mind. Also it's a long story so if you don't wanna know, it's cool.

I had a crush on my best friend for like 2 years. I never confessed last year coz she was in a relationship with my other "friend"(who was a toxic bitch and a really shitty friend to me. We dont talk anymore and thr friendship is no more there). They broke up and I didn't say anything about my feelings because I knew she wasn't over her ex. Then this year starts. We were friends before but this year we jumped to the best friend train and became really close. At one point, last year, I had tried to confess, but when I was going to do it, she told me of the crush she had developed on one of our classmates. So I had buried my feelings six feet under. This year, we had become closer, and idk the relationship kind of shifted. We flirted once. I kept dropping hints this year. But she is a sort of person who doesn't really express their real emotions and what is going on in their head. Then my other best friend confronted me about my feelings for my crush (at this point I don't wanna confuse you so let's call her S.) She tried to convince me to confess to S but i didn't do it because one I was scared two I didn't wanna get rejected. Also, S dropped news on us that she was gonna leave the school next year and go to another school. Now, that was another clusterfuck of a problem and another reason why I decided to not tell her. Because we only ever met at school. Texted, yes but outside of school we didn't meet. Now, our exams are next week. So we got a study leave from beginning of February as this exam is pretty important. So obviously we didn't meet. We didn't text each other for a week or so but then I texted her about something and the ice broke. Then on we kept texting everyday about small mundane things.

Yesterday,i forwarded her a reel and then we got talking and idk somehow we started flirting,and the entire convo was toeing the line between flirting and light sexting. She jokingly said that it was now proved she could flirt well and me being the idiot I am, asked her did you just flirt with me to prove you could flirt well? Kinda sounded accusatory but she answered she flirted with me because she liked it (incoherent screaming)

And then she asked me if I liked her more than a friend. And i just freaked out because it was kind of known to my friends that i liked her so i just idk blanked out what to say. I regained my senses and asked her if I answered the question, what would happen? What would she do? She said if I didn't like her then it's fine and everything would go on as before. If I liked her, then well, there was a chance of her reciprocating. Anyways, to cut things short now, she also had a crush on me. It was a case of they fell first, other fell later (yes I know it's fell harder but I don't really know that.) So we confessed and we talked for a long time about what we liked in each other, when did we like each other and all. It was very nice. I mean, I was called hot and said to have a cool and hot personality by my crush, I was in heaven.

Even though I'm giddy af and very very elated, there is still the fact that she's moving school. And I don't wanna do online dating. Firstly, because I'm not into it and second there is a risk of us being outed. I told her as such and even she had similar thoughts.

Now I'm confused. What should we do? I like her a lot and want to be in a relationship but its not possible (i know you're thinking she could just decide to not change schools but that also can't happen. It could happen if we were in any other grade but for the next grade, we need to take admission in our school again. It's a thing in India for God knows what reason. And the deadline for taking admission in our school has passed and she didn't take admission so it's not possible) Being in the same school would be the easiest and safest way to be in a relationship. I don't know how to move forward now. I mean we talked today as well about our feelings and other stuff, but how long can we do it? I'm just so confused. I can't just ghost her neither can we not talk about us liking each other. she's already heartbroken at all this. I'm so fucking angry and sad at this situation.

So, this was the story. I know i kind of bombarded you with my personal life but i can't talk to anyone about this. Also, you're very wise, so i would appreciate some advice. Also, life is so fucking unfair. When I said I wanted my life to be like a fanfiction, I meant a fluffy fanfic. Not an angsty one. Serves me right for loving angst. Idk if you managed to reach till here, but if you did, thank you for listening. Even if you don't have any great advice or whatever, I would like a reaction. Because even with the clusterfuck, this is still a happy moment in my life and I'm ecstatic too. I just wanted to share my thoughts with someone.

Again,apologies for the long ask

Hello, love. Thank you for trusting me with this 🧡

Some thoughts about this under the cut:

First off, congrats on finally finding out that your crush likes you back! That's awesome news!

It's totally understandable to feel a bit overwhelmed with everything going on, especially considering the whole school change situation. That's a tough spot to be in.

I’m not sure if the new school is far away. But sometimes it doesn’t matter because I reckon at your age you don’t always have the luxury of meeting up with friends  any time you want (in terms independence/finance etc as adults do) 

It sounds like you both have some real feelings for each other, which is fantastic! But it's also totally okay to feel uncertain about what to do next. It’s so good to know that you are already having honest conversations about what this means for the two of you. That’s a good place to start tbh. Communication is key, as cliche as it sounds.

To be very honest with you, I would never recommend someone, especially a young person, to make decisions about education/work based on your dating life. So, try not to put too much pressure on your friend about changing schools (Even if it is not possible, let’s not get guilt involved here) because the whole this or that is not a decision she should have to make.

If I were in your situation, I would try not to lose hope just yet. I know things would  be so much easier and more fun if you went to the same school, but that doesn’t things are going to be awful now. They’re just going to be different. Online dating (with some meetings every now and then when possible) is not all that bad or difficult - not with all the cools things you can do with technology now - including have movie dates etc. 

But first, I want you to think about whether this is something you want to do. You said you don’t want long distance, so think about how certain you are of that. If you think this is a hard limit, then you need to communicate that to your friend. Maybe the two of you pick this up once you are done with school. It could happen - if you want it to. 

But if you feel like you want to give it a try, I would totally recommend you to do that. This is still a very new relationship and you are still getting to know each other (romantically) so try to not to immediately decide whether this is going to work or not. 

I think most people get stuck with “oh but this isn’t going to work out” and give up before it begins. I personally don’t believe in that. It’s not always easy to find someone you like who likes you back - someone who is a friend too. So, I wouldn’t worry too much about whether it will work or how it will work out. I’ll just give it a shot, enjoy it while lasts, and take it from there. 

It is really that simple - at least from my perspective. 

In summary, try not to put too much pressure on yourselves to have all the answers right away. Sometimes, things have a way of working themselves out in unexpected ways.

Hope you both get through the exams! Sending love! 💖

#support

[alyjojo]

January ⛸️ 2024 Monthly - Scorpio

Whole of your energy: The Lovers

I went straight from one reading to the next, and as I was even picking up the cards to start shuffling, “What a Wonderful World” started playing in my head. Should be a good sign 🧡 In the preshuffle, some of you could be dating someone you see as a possible 10 Cups everything you ever wanted kind of person, you see a long term future with them. If so, they’re new, not old. Meditation was iffy. You had the same 2014/2024 issue as I think Virgo did, except you took the 1 off of the 14 and chucked it behind you into some body of water. You were a gruff sort of person, currently staying in a shoddy motel room, like this thing was *dirty* dirty, the whole room needed a good soap, power wash, and one of those rug cleaning people. Idk if you were on vacation, or lived there, you were unconcerned with my (sanitary?) concerns, and had a way about you that was like “don’t question me or I kill u”. So I didn’t. But um…if it’s dirty, clean it up a bit. That can’t be for everyone, not literally anyway 🤷🏻‍♀️

The Lovers shows a powerful romantic connection between you and another person, you could have known each other a long time, 6 Cups is here. Same sex is highlighted for some, and you may meet them at work, or admire what they do for work, they make you very happy and things may be moving along very quickly between the two of you. 8 Wands can be a flurry of texts, and for you to show up as Queen of Cups, you could be in love and telling them that this month. Or you’re just comfortable in your emotionally expressive energy, which for most signs is the usual - their own element - but not always with you. You’re guarded. You must really like them 🥰

What’s going on in January:

6 Cups:

Followed by Wheel of Fortune, this connection could feel destined, or the circumstances involved are too funny & serendipitous to explain, positively. You could work together, either literally or maybe even with something involving kids. Queen of Pentacles can be a person with a home business, this could be like someone who watches your kids for you, in their home. Or yours. It could also be a very dear friend, a childhood neighbor, a bestie, your kid’s friend’s single parent. If it’s not romantic, then The Lovers is a powerful partnership between two people, a soul contract even, doesn’t have to be love but it is for most. You admire this person and whatever they do, you feel like they bring joy & happiness to your life and fill it with sunshine. They deeply appreciate you too, it’s a beautiful & mutual feeling between you.

Wheel of Fortune:

Ooo, maybe one of you has romantic feelings and the other one is unaware of that. Wheel of Fortune clarified by Knight of Pentacles, again you’ve known this person a long time, worked together for a long time, maybe worked in the same building a long time and never really talked, but time is essential and there’s a lot of it invested in some aspect of this. If children are involved, there are deep bonds between you both and your own children, wanting to take it slow introducing people. I get you being the one with deeper feelings that you want to express, but you’re afraid to mess things up. You don’t want to make it weird, but also, you could feel like this is your person.

The Moon:

What you fear is 10 Pentacles rev, family tension with ex’s and kids, a solid friendship, or a stable situation you’ve created, tension at work or among coworkers, especially if you’re in a group of friends outside of just you two. What you don’t see is this person being on the same page as you are, you’re being patient and see them as a dream come true, they’re what you want. At the bottom of the deck is this person, Queen of Pentacles, and 6 Pentacles, showing it’s reciprocated, you are probably their wish come true as well. When you know, you know. I get a sense of you both kinda feeling each other out, subtle flirting even, nothing over the top. It’s just you want to take that energy and ramp it up by 1,000 let’s do this 💯

10 Pentacles rev:

You’re terrified to be blunt, laying your heart on the line, and then being rejected. You’re afraid to lose this person, afraid they don’t reciprocate or they have someone else, feelings for someone else. Most of all you’re afraid that whatever you’ve built will fall apart if you say how you feel, you’ll no longer have a good rapport with this person and everything will be lost. I think the connection is stronger than those fears, and again at the bottom, 6 Pentacles & Queen of Pentacles. They reciprocate. Give a little and they will. Maybe they have the exact same fear, you two could be mirroring each other. If you’re playful, so are they. If you’re serious, so are they. I think they look to you for direction on how to proceed, as much as you’re worried about them, so are they 💯

5 Wands:

There is perceived competition from some other person, Queen of Wands, I’m not sure where she fits. Someone you’re with now, or were with before? You may be carrying some leftover baggage from that relationship, or need to put that to rest before starting something new with this Queen of Pentacles. If you do have a new connection, there could be someone on the outside of this that feels defensive or left out for whatever reason, there is potential drama. But, again, 6 Pentacles, Queen of Pentacles, and this time, Ace of Cups - new love - is at the bottom. I think whoever this is will be worth the risk, it looks that way. Enjoy taking your time.

Signs you may be dealing with:

Heavy Virgo, Sagittarius, Capricorn, Pisces & Scorpio

Oracle: ✨

3 Slow But Steady ���

Don’t rush the situation. More often than not divine timing and our timing are not the same! When you try to speed up a life experience, a relationship or even a project, you circumvent necessary experiences or lessons along the way that will contribute to a perfect outcome. Know that wherever you are in this situation, it’s the perfect place for you to be. If this place is causing you anxiety - perfect. Now you can look within and ask yourself why. What are your fears surrounding this perceived delay in getting to where you want to go? What is the worst that can happen? What is the best that can happen? What if we removed the words “worst” and “best” and just let things unfold at their own pace without attaching judgement?

We enter into January as:

Princess of Amber 👸🏽:

“I quietly sizzle and shine.”

You are connecting with your passion. It is time to focus on the task at hand and not divert your attention. If you are being of service to others, you will reap great rewards. This is a sign of great abundance with selflessness. Put your eye on the work and not the rewards. You’re also being urged to stand up for what you believe in. If you are being asked to compromise yourself, you must not. You are correct to feel passionate about your position, you know intuitively what a fair request is. When your intentions are good and true, you will always land with two feet on the ground. You may be up against pretty big odds, but you mustn’t give in to what you know is not correct. Others see your worth, it’s time for you to, and have faith that you are doing the right thing.

What is to be learned in January:

Saint Apricot 😇

“I’m sorry that I have to take care of myself.”

Saint Apricot comes to you when you have been (or are about to be) freed from a situation that has you chained. This is a lesson in taking care of yourself. It’s a reminder to not give away more than you can, or it will drain you. We are not giving from a place of love if we are giving only to get. People may not like it when we focus on taking care of ourselves, but it is necessary in order to have a truthful relationship with them. If you speak the truth from your heart, then any guilt you feel is from the fear of being disliked. Feelings of shame come up when we feel we are “bad”, guilt comes up when we feel something we’ve done is “bad”. If another person no longer chooses to be in our lives, due to what’s been said or done in total honesty, it’s not our fault, it is their choice. This signifies a turn in your destiny. You are moving in a new direction towards freedom, and this opens the gateway towards more rewarding relationships in life.

Orange may be a lucky color 🧡

What a Wonderful World 🌎

#Scorpio #monthly tarot reading #january 2024 #tarotblr #monthly #tarot

[aclosetfan]

And one last thing, I really don't vibe with the boys being depicted as hopelessly in love and consistently down bad for the girls but the girls do not reciprocate similar feelings. Maybe I'm wrong for this, but it's just strange at times that the boys can be so hung up on the girls and the ppg are always like "thank you, next" vibes.

LIKE AS A GIRL I AM NOT ALWAYS ON MY GIRLBOSS SHIT WHEN IT COMES TO LIKING A BOY. I would just like to see the girls being relatable at times in that context. Idk, I get the feeling that the boys would be so broken if the girls leave them but the girls? Nah, they'd just be on to the next.

It makes it hard to ship them :[

And I'm not saying I want the roles to switch so that the boys take the relationship less seriously, I just want there to be mutual feelings. I want the pairings to be EQUALLY invested in one another, or else it feels unhealthy and sad. Like one person being so in love with someone, that if that person leaves them, that person would lose their entire sense of identity is actually pretty effed up. It's so imbalanced at times, I'm sort of low key rooting for the pairing to just be friends who flirt occasionally.

Oh yeah, if I come across that, it's an automatic out for me. I'm really not about that toxic one-sided love.

I think it's unfair for both sides of the pairing. First off, the girls are good. That's their whole thing, you know? And making them so flippant is such a weird interpretation of their characters. I also feel like in those fics, the boys' attachment to the girls comes out of nowhere. It goes from I loathe you to i love you in a chapter. The whiplash is unreal, and the girls never catch up 😂😂 love is hard.

Those stories are missing out on what makes relationships so nice, which is people accepting you for you even after you grow. If you're writing a pairing and they don't grow as individuals, then their relationship is gonna fall flat.

I also feel like people are so gun-ho to get the pairs together that they forget friendship is good too. Like some stories can literally just be friendship stories. Not all high schoolers get into relationships. Some people don't have their first romantic experience until their well into their twenties. If you're writing a high school au, consider them all just being friends who flirt and you won't have to get bogged down with relationship plots that get old super fast.

#honestly ive never been able to get such a good look into the psych of a fic writer like i do in this fandom #a ppg fic author puts certain tropes into their work and I'm like oof shes fighting with her friends again #which may seem irrelevant to this conversation #but its related trust me 😂 #asks

[goldenxsunshine]

i wish i had someone telling me how i feel, cause i feel like i’m sort of flirting with my friend sometimes, but idk if it’s just cause i know she’s a wlw, or if i even am! or if i’m attracted to her in any way, or whatever, i know nothing

#its 4.30 an so beat with me #but yeahs these have been recurrent thoughts over the past couple weeks #and i probably won’t do anything about it because i don’t even know if it’s flirting (i never flirted with anyone i don’t think. or not #consciously at least) #also idk if what i think is me flirting is reciprocated even if it sort of feels like it. at least at some point tonight it felt like it #but i have no f un long clue how any of this works so who fucking knows #it probably doesn’t mean anything but i’m so confused agdjgs #shut up elisa

[jinxedpanda4life]

DamiRae Hospital AU?

  No I am not writing one, if I could write well I would though! So here are some HCs for a hospital AU.    If someone decides to write this then I’ll be your first reader. Also I am sort of basing things off of Grey’s Anatomy just a bit and my limited knowledge of the medical field.

- Starts of as 1st year residents, specialties may vary

- The “Titans” are residents and 1st years that show great promise, this doesn’t really play a role its just what people call them behind their backs

- Dr. Kori Anders is a OBGYN (women parts and birth) resident, a year or two away from finishing

- Dr. Richard “Dick” Grayson is is a surgery resident, trained by the hospital owner Bruce Wayne (who is a world renowned surgeon, has awards, etc), specifically general surgery

- Dr. Garfield Logan is pediatrician (kid doctor) res, bonds well with kids, but is considering going back to school to become a vet instead

- Dr. Jaime Reyes is an oncology (cancer doctor), having had cancer as a teen and is now forever trying to rid the world of it, works mostly with kids and teens

- Dr. Jonathan Kent is a physical therapist that works with pain management. Up beat guy and is always trying to brighten his patient’s lives.

- Dr. Damian Wayne is a surgical intern, blood thirsty little thing, hoping to become a neurosurgeon (brain, spine) (or cardiothoracic (heart, lungs) both are competitive)

- Dr. Raven Roth is an anesthesiologist (the drug person that knocks you out) and is starting her surgical internship (she wanted to do more than just help people get high essentially or whatever) has no current preference for any specific surgical field

- Add in characters:

-- Dr. Jason Todd, trauma surgeon (fits too well)

-- Dr. Timothy Drake diagnostician (medical detective basically) 

-- Dr. Donna Troy gynecologist

-- Terra Markov is a nurse (i don’t like Terra but nurses are the actual best)

- Story stuff:

- Damian and Raven meet as they are put under the guidance of the same resident

-Damian has an automatic dislike for Raven because she knows everyone already and is equally, if not much more, knowledgable about surgery, the OR, the ER, protocol, etc  He also thinks she is cold because she rarely shows emotion (pot kettle Damian)

- Raven can always be found in the medical archives researching old cases and studying new ones, Damian stumbles upon her when looking for an old cardiomegaly case (enlarged heart).

- Raven gets along with all of the past ‘Robins’ making her a go to intern

- Garfield can be seen whenever he is not needed trying to flirt with Nurse Markov and often goes to Raven to sulk 

- Damian and Raven are always early to pre-rounds and are typically the first ones there (usually early in the morning, getting there before 500)

- Jon bumps into Damian more often than not and they start becoming friends (Damian is reluctant at first and is still you know Damian about everything), Damian even recommends patients to him 

- Though Damian doesn’t want to really ‘hang out’ with anyone he reluctantly hangs out with the Titans, because of Jon and Dick

            - When in a large group when at a bar, club or whatever Damian tends to stay close to Raven because 1) they actually have things to talk about 2) she isn’t loud

- Raven & Damian are both assigned to a case that is frankly befuddling and have to start spending long nights and early mornings together to figure it out

- Over that period of time they learn things about each other:

-- Raven learns: 

Damian has a dog (Titus) and cat (Alfred) 

He is single (Kori told her) and lives in an apartment close to the hospital

He has lived in various countries

He is trained in multiple martial arts 

He prefers his tea with brown sugar and a slice of lemon 

His eyes are a true emerald color with a ring of gold and flecks scattered within 

He may hide it well but when Raven compliments him he becomes flustered

He speaks to himself in Arabic when he curses, trying to remember something, doesn’t want anyone to know what he is saying

He isn’t always an asshole

When he actually smiles a true and genuine smile, she has heart palpitations

-- Damian learns:

Raven has two tattoos (neither are a bird), a gang tat (she is saving up to get it removed), and a mantra in Azarathian; Azarath Metrion Zinthos

She immigrated from Azarath when she was around 8

Her notes are in Azarathian

She actually feels a lot of emotion and knows how to control them

If she is not reading about a current or past case she is reading any book or file she can get her hands on, he has caught her reading in multiple different languages; Azarathian, English, French, Russian, Arabic, Dutch, Mandarin, (could be more or less)

She lives alone and has a cat, Nevermore, and thanks to Dick he already knew she was single

She likes all tea, no matter how prepared, but prefers the sweetener to be honey

Her hair is black but shines purple, especially under the ER lights

Her eyes are a purple that at first glance look blue, like Elizabeth Taylor, he realizes though her eyes are galaxies on their own 

When she smiles the world actually stops moving, her eyes shine like stars and he never wants the world to start moving again

She always wears a necklace with a gold and ruby ring at all times (it was her mother’s wedding ring)

- When Damian starts having le feelings for Raven he considers actually seeking medical advice as this has never happened to him before

- Raven tries her best to contain her feelings when at work, going so far as one day a month staying home just to scream, cry and feel her feelings

- It does not help that new feelings towards Damian start popping up, especially since he starts bringing her tea and hanging out with her at work

- During the middle of their 2nd year of residency someone holds Raven hostage in the hospital to fix someone that person loves (this person had connections to Trigon and knew who Raven was)

- That was not a fun time for either Damian or Raven; Damian was outside the hospital pacing trying to figure something out with the other Titans trying to calm themselves and him down

- Shots are fired and when all is said and done, Raven gets shot in the abdomen and the hand (she was in ICU for a hot sec)

- Damian seemed to be there every time Raven woke up, he was always checking on her during rounds even though he wasn’t on her case

- Raven did have to have surgery on her hand and in her abdomen (idk where i’m not getting that specific), she hated being, in her words, coddled 

- Even though Raven was right handed (the one that got shot) she learned how to do everything, writing, eating, going to the bathroom, etc. (many of the other residents are impressed since she keeps working on it after her other hand heals)

- Raven’s room also becomes a space for other residents to destress and just vent about their day. She listens and gives advice, all without looking up from whatever she was doing. 

- During this time Raven becomes hooked on Pretty Pretty Pegasus

- Raven’s room is also full of cards, flowers, etc all from fellow staff and some from patients. When she leaves (she spends a couple weeks in thanks to multiple surgeries, recovery, and other minor injuries) all of the gifts litter her apartment, the cards end up in a box by her desk, she presses the flowers, and stuffed animals are donated to children’s shelter (she keeps some that she has grown attached to)

- During this time Damian is more of an ass than usual (people notice and tease him)

- Damian at some points keeps working without breaks/sleep for hours on end. Dick pulls him aside after noticing, scolds and forces him to sleep in one of the on call rooms. (He really wanted him to go home, but Damian wasn’t leaving)

- Once Raven was discharged Damian and Garfield help her back home (clothes + gifts + Raven w/a healing hand/other injuries = need help) the other Titans would have helped but were needed at the hospital

- Garfield leaves after dropping off Raven and Damian (and her stuff) as he is called in on a Peds case (could be fake, may not be) and Raven & Damian spend the rest of the time basically watching terrible movies. (with Nevermore sitting on both of them)

- That is the night Damian realizes that not only does he like Raven, but he like likes her. He starts devising plans on how to get her to date him. 

- All his plans basically are thrown out the window because of one reason or another (he kept overthinking it)(poor guy)

- It is not until their 3rd year of residency that Raven realizes her feelings towards Damian (Have I made it clear she likes him? I can’t remember...)

- She realizes her feelings when she has to crash at his place for a night (because he lives ridiculously close to the hospital, like how expensive is that??) and he tries to make sure that she is as comfortable as possible 

- She never realized how much he cared for her? Like she was always helping him out and there for him but she never realized he reciprocated that care? *Shocker*

- Raven becomes kind of a mess because of all her emotions that she is trying to bottle up. (all the corks are disintegrating and the jar is overflowing)

- Raven is during her Ortho rotation (bone surgeon people, they are cool, ik from experience) that she actually gets a good release for her emotions (setting peoples bones and drilling and hammering in pins is actually therapeutic) 

- Raven thinks that may be the specialty she chooses

- Damian saw her as a mess and could not fathom why she was said mess, he figured it was about a romantic interest after someone made an offhand comment about her love life and she became a blubbering mess (very un-Raven like)

- After all of well *motions with hands* that Raven asks why Damian doesn’t have a s/o or someone

- He says there is only person that he has been meaning to ask out (looks pointedly at Raven)

- All Raven says is “Go for it.”

And that is where my HCs end. Now if anyone who happens upon this post decides to write a Medical AU with any of these please tag me, tell me, message me. 

You do not have to give me credit, I just want to read it. 

This took me a couple of days to write up, so if it is disjointed I apologize. 

If anything needs to be corrected for any reason let me know!

 I hope this fuels some imaginations!

-I may post more HC AU things if they come to mind, we will have to see.

#damirae #damian x raven #demonbirds #teen titans #raven #damian wayne #rachel roth #headcanon #medical au #au

[mell0bee]

exu ep 5/series so far thoughts because i feel like i haven’t fully processed it and also It’s About To Go Down

this is very long and i am very adhd so i will put it under a cut

the wildmom asking the party to prove themselves is way up there for me in exu scenes (i think like second fav #1 being The ted and opal argument). i loved how aabria plays her as sort of fluid/shifting personality wise based on who she’s talking to like!! it makes a lot of sense

also HOW AABRIA PLAYS THE SPIDER QUEEN??? HELLO??? SHES SO FASCINATING I LOVE IT i love all-powerful deities who do things because they’re bored or maybe she’s lying idk??

and w dariax we get the dynamic of all powerful deity trying to use a mortal to get what they want vs one mortal with a negative intelligence score perplexing the deity. amazing

overall just watching aabria dm like it’s rlly made me think abt how i play the game like!! she rlly prioritizes fun and cool stories rewarding the players for rp and crazy ideas and if something stops being fun she just!! moves on!!! and it’s still cohesive and smooth! not to mention the cinematics!! all her npcs being hilarious!!! the way she encourages more quiet players! it’s very cool

the way she uses saving throws to give information/vibe checks is fascinating esp in this campaign where there’s a bunch of deities at play and yknow a whole missing week but also every time she says it as a player of dnd where saving throws are reacting to something bad i have a pavlovian response to go OH GOD OH NO agfbjfjf

i feel like we got insight into lots of these characters today

the opal+ted/fy’ra rai+fy’ra kai parallels may kill me oh man it’s so good

and also IN THIS HOUSE WE STAN FY’RA RAI ma’am thank you for having a brain cell MORAL COMPASS MOM FRIEND DO NO HARM TAKE NO BS!! like thank u wildmom she is exactly what these idiots needed

i love aimee sm being new to dnd and just coming up with the most buckwild solutions to problems stretching the limits of the game it’s amazing

and i still stan opal and ted so much i love siblings sm and like their relationship is so fascinating like 'are you okay?' 'are you?’ then i am too' BYE

also completely unrelated but i hate naming characters so i made a character who would have a backstory reason not to have a last name but aimee rlly said no opal just doesn’t have one it’s fine ❤️ it’s so funny to me agdhd

also love it when ppl call her opal nolastname or something similar because i do the exact same thing w my character!! same running gag!!

dariax hit a little close to home as a neurodivergent person with his being so used to being a screw up and being willing to accept that there’s a problem he caused and needs to fix without even recognizing what the problem is oh man

dorian??? like dude has major trust issues who hurt u and the ALIGNMENT SHIFT i love neutral characters sm. so interesting. ppl smarter than me could write a whole essay probably but just aghhh

2 bros chilling on a bedroll back to back because they’re not gay (their relationship is also fascinating tho like dariax #1 dorian fanboy and dorian trying to reciprocate and also going on a corruption arc together… feLLAS IS IT GAY-)

orym sir i need to know. do you have a husband. is he dead. is he named riegel. also thank u for being the moral compass we stan. i feel like orym more than ever is Just A Dude like how fjord was yknow i love it

and then just fearne head empty chaotic neutral fey queen just flirting with opal and being the biggest sweetheart and the funniest excrew member and she rlly said no i will not have a corruption arc no thanks ❤️ i like how i am right now ❤️i love her

MYR’ATTA GIRL WYD???

#bee watches exu #exu spoilers #cr spoilers #i haven’t been liveblogging as much bc i’m livetexting?? to kiki #so all my dumb jokes usually go thru the kiki filter #but i wanted to put this here #everyone is just. so interesting #it’s different but good different #i feel like i wanna binge watch it all once it’s over but idk if i will have time #this is why i cant make meta posts like this is just how i think in brain mush #brain spill?? idk the word #too many thoughts not enough space who needs cohesion anyway #critical role #the crown keepers

[xiaodejunletsact]

i still love you | zhong chenle

word count: 17, 367

genre: high school!au, basketball!player, angst, fluff, you are a bet au??? lol idk 8 letters!au

warnings: lots of angst, playing of emotions, mentions of panic attacks and sex.

authors note: im finally back!! with a chenle fic!! okay so,, i wanted to thank everyone who loved 8 letters, the reaction to that fic was better than anything i could’ve ever imagined, so thank you so much!! this is like a chenle version from the same universe. but most importantly: i decided to put songs in some scenes to enhance the experience while reading, you don’t have to but if you want to listen to the ‘soundtrack’ of this fic click the ‘🏀’!!!!! please enjoy!! 

synopsis: high school can be complicated. thats why when your crush of three years, zhong chenle, approaches you out of nowhere offering to drive you home you are right to question his intentions.

🏀

You can hear the loud thumping of your heart in your ears as you watch the players dart across the court. The squeaking of their sneakers against the polished floor as they furrowed their eyebrows in concentration. Well… as he furrowed his eyebrows in anticipation, you wouldn’t know about the rest of the players on the court because your eyes were focused on one boy in particular. Number 22, Zhong Chenle. Your crush since sophomore year and soon to be captain of the basketball team (even if this is your personal opinion you’re 87% sure of it). The boy had caught your eye when he first smiled your way back in 10th grade and offered to help you with everything since you were new, leaving a stamp on your heart that would mark it as his own for the next years to come. Of course, you hardly ever spoke to him, too nervous and clumsy to even think of approaching someone so out of your league but there was something about his crinkly smile eyes and fluffy hair that got a hold of and never let go. 

Which is why you find yourself seated at the school’s bleachers watching the basketball game like you did every week, hands clutching the sides of the bench as you watched Chenle get the orange ball passed to him, and the scene plays in slow motion. 

Sweat drips off the tips of his newly dyed blond hair as he gains impulse with a jump, shooting a perfect three pointer and deeming the game of victory for his team. You proudly smile as you watch his teammates cause a ruckus around him, cheering and hitting him occasionally. However, your mood dampened as you watched Chenle escape the clutches of his team, running to the side benched where Ava, (the bitchiest girl in school but also his girlfriend), sat. He leans down to peck her lips, only to be stopped when she holds her hand up, pushing him away with a disgusting, “you’re sweaty!” He looks dejected for a second, before forcing a smile and turning back towards the team. You wonder if you’re the only one who noticed the interaction, you wonder if you’re the only one who cares enough to want to march down there and tell her off. You huff, instead opting to march your angry way to the entrance of the gym starting the trek home. Wondering if Number 22 will ever be yours like you desperately want him to.

-

It’s funny how much of your life you could dedicate to one person without any sort of reciprocation. You felt almost embarrassed as you shoved yet another letter into an envelope that increasingly got thicker and thicker with every burst of your emotions. You see, every time your feelings for Chenle got too strong to bare you would write short letters about how you felt, obviously, with no intention of Chenle ever getting his hands on them, just for your own catharsis. It helped, most days. 

Today is not one of those days. 

“Uh huh…” you said absentmindedly at your friend, Donghyuck , who tries to explain to you what intricate contraption they are building in this week's robotics class. However, you’re too busy looking over his shoulder at Chenle who laughs half heartedly at something his friend says, before going serious once again. You furrow your eyebrows and say, “have you noticed anything off about Chenle?” 

Donghyuck  sighs, knowing he has lost you once again. Nevertheless, he humors your narrative turning to watch the boy in question along with you. “I mean… he is kind of down.”

“Right?” You reply, shutting your locker and clicking the lock. Donghyuck  shrugs.

“Maybe it’s because he broke up with his girlfriend this weekend.” 

You stop dead in your tracks, “He did what?” 

Donghyuck  nods, (like it’s not a huge deal!) “at the party you missed this weekend, they got into a big fight and he told her it was over and stormed off.” 

“A-and you didn’t think to tell me this?” You respond to which he just shrugs.

“It’s not like you had a chance with him anyway.” 

“Ouch, Donghyuck .” 

The words stung, of course but you knew Donghyuck  was just being realistic with you, never one to lead you into things that could only hurt you in the future. 

Donghyuck  says something after that, that you don’t quite catch but you guess it’s fine since you didn’t really want to listen to him right now anyway. 

Especially since Zhong Chenle just caught you staring at him and is now staring just as intensely into your eyes as you were to the side of his face. 

You don’t know what kind of glitch you go through that you are unable to form any type of reaction or look away. Instead just kind of… freezing. 

He brings up a hand and slightly waves in your direction. A kind smile on his face. 

Oh no. He actually sees you. 

Before you can even process it, you realize that you're running down the hall in the direction opposite to him. Out of the back door of the school, heaving as your heartbeat reaches 3000bpm.

🏀

Recalling the memory as you walk to the bus stop that afternoon causes you to slap your palm against your forehead once again. “What was I thinking? Now Chenle is really going to think I’m a freak.” 

You couldn’t believe yourself, kicking the gravel underneath your sneakers in frustration you beat yourself up over having ruined the only interaction that could’ve possibly been your chance to win his heart. It could’ve been the last time he ever looked your way again, and you wouldn’t blame him. 

But it wasn’t. 

Because just minutes after, like a miracle from heaven, you hear the roar of an expensive car engine near you before hearing his angelic voice call the syllables you thought you’d never hear him say: “Y/N!” 

Wide eyed, your snap your head to the sound of his voice only to see him through the window of his shiny million dollar car. He smiles and you feel like running again. He notices. “Wait! Don’t go!” 

You hear the buckle of his seatbelt being undone and watch in shock as he jogs around the car and suddenly he towering over you with a sweet smile. “Hi.” 

Say hi back! What are you doing? “Uh- I- uh- Hi?” 

He chuckles, looking down at his shoes before looking into your eyes once again. “How you doing?” 

“I’m- im good.” You stutter. 

“Yeah?” 

“Yeah.” 

The silence that follows makes you want to get swallowed up by the ground and never see daylight again. 

Chenle notices how you avoid his eyes and chuckles once again, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. “Well, um, I just saw that you were walking and wanted to know if you wanted a ride.” 

“In your car?” You ask in a quiet voice. Chenle laughs. 

“I mean, yeah. Unless you want to rent bikes from the tourism center.” You allow a small smile to grace your lips briefly before remembering the circumstances you currently found yourself in. Chenle (Zhong Chenle, Number 22, Yes. Chenle.) has just offered you a ride in his fancy car. The same car you watched him pull up in for two whole years. And he wants you to get in it. 

The millions of scenarios that go through your head as to why this could be happening but as you painfully remember today’s events, you realize what this is about. 

Chenle shoves both his hands in his jean pockets as he awaits your answer. “...So?” 

You breathe in deeply, “Listen, um, if you’re doing this because you feel bad about earlier or something, please don’t.” 

Chenle’s eyebrows furrow together and he comes closer to you. “That’s not the case at all, I just saw you walking all by yourself and thought to offer you a ride home.” 

“But you drive past here every day and you’ve never offered me a ride before?” You question out loud, wincing as you realize that you could possibly sound creepy for knowing where he goes in the afternoon. “I mean- you always drive in the same direction as my bus stop! So I see you!” You feel how clammy your palms are rubbing against the harsh fabric of your jeans. “Speaking of the bus, I should probably go before I miss it.” 

Just as you turn to walk away, Chenle’s hand grips your wrist where your sleeve has ridden up, allowing the first skin to skin contact you ever made with him. Your eyes widen at him and he lets go immediately, awkwardly. “I guess I was focused on other things, but now I’m focused on you.” 

-

In the fever dream that was Zhong Chenle flirting (?), and the insistent drumming of your heart in your ears you come back to only realize you were moving into Chenle’s car. (The doors opened upwards!) 

The boy took the liberty of opening it for you, closing it once you were settled in. You took the moment he was walking to the driver’s side to take in a deep breath and compose yourself. 

What the hell is going on? Why Zhong Chenle talking to you? Why is he driving you home? Why did he tell you he’s focused on you? What? What does any of this mean? 

Before you could begin pulling your hairs out in frustration, Chenle’s door opens and he plops down onto the driver’s seat. He looks over at you with a smile as he fastens his seatbelt, “Buckle up.” You do so quietly, biting your lip to prevent any further embarrassment. 

The drive begins with little to no talking, the only thing filling the silence being the constant humming of the air conditioning and static of the radio.

 “Do you want to listen to something?” He presses his pale fingers to the glossy touch screen in between you two. Soon enough, a soft beat travels through the ambience of his car. You see from the corner of your eye that he looks over at you and smiles, but keep your nervous eyes on the road in front of you; Chenle faces the road once again, tilting his head to the side in a gesture that you would find unbearably cute any other day makes you want to open the car door and jump out into the street, running away from the awkward silence and the confusing thoughts plaguing your mind.

-

Chenle leaves after promising to pick you up tomorrow morning, you can only nod your head rapidly and run into your house, afraid that he would be able to hear the loud beats of your heart.

Once the door of your room is closed safely behind you, you finally breathe for the first time this afternoon. “What the fuck? What the shit? What the hell?” You mutter to yourself as you pace around the room. 

Could it be that your dreams are finally becoming a reality? Had Chenle seen you the way you saw him this entire time?

The one sided crush wasn’t as one sided as you thought! Is what you wanted to think, but there was part of you that questioned where his intentions lie due to the abruptness of the situation. What if there was an ulterior motive behind his actions? No. Chenle wouldn't do something as bad as play with someone’s emotions like that? Right? 

As you lay in bed pondering the thought you decide it's best to ask him tomorrow.

-

You wake up 30 minutes earlier the next day, showering thoroughly and waiting in the living room so as to not make him wait too long to leave when he arrives. 

This moment comes while you’re sitting at the table with your family, your eyes widen as you hear the knocks on your front door. “I’ll get it!” You stop your mother from reaching the door as you run to it. 

Chenle smiles politely as your face appears from inside the house. “Hey.” 

You smile back nervously, “Hi.” You proceed to stand at the doorway for a few awkward seconds before your mother comes to see who it is. She is pleasantly surprised to see someone of the male species there in front of you. 

“Oh?” She says, smiling at him then looking at you suggestively. You try to convey a silent plea to not embarrass you before she looks away to shake Chenle’s hand.  “Hi! I’m Y/N’s mom, are you one of her friends?” 

Chenle smiles at her sweetly, “Yes, I am. I’m actually here to pick Y/N up for school.”

“You’re taking Y/N to school?” Your mother’s shocked face is enough to tell Chenle that it was probably the first time anything like this has happened to you. 

“Yes, ma’am.” 

Your mother sends you a sly smile that she thinks Chenle doesn’t notice before nudging your arm. “Then what are you doing standing there? Don’t make him wait!” Your groan and rub the spot on her arm where she pushed you as you go upstairs to grab your backpack.

Downstairs, Chenle accepts your mother’s offer of entering your humble home. Your house is a modest abode with strange decorations hanging up on the walls, along with pictures of your family. The living room looks like an orphanage where mix matched furniture goes to live. There's one pale green couch, one beige and one a bright yellow. Chenle thinks back to the pristine state of his own living room, the pure white furniture and modern, classy decorations hung up on the marble walls. He realizes that it is nothing like his own, in fact, he doesn’t think it could’ve been more different but he finds that he likes it. That it feels homey compared to his usually liefless house. It’s the kind of place he would stay in for a long time. 

Chenle shakes those thoughts out of his as soon as they appear, remembering why he was doing this in the first place, he couldn’t risk getting attached.

-

“Be honest with me.” 

Chenle startles upon hearing your voice above its normal shy muttering. You, on the other hand, are shaking in your shoes having practiced what you would say and thought over doing this millions of times last night. “What are your intentions? Like, it’s not that I think you’re a bad person or anything but I just don’t understand because of the suddenness.”

Chenle averts his eyes from the road to glance at you, smiling. He faces forward once again sighing slightly. “Okay, I’ll be honest,” He starts, you sit up straighter and involuntarily lean toward him. “I think you’re really cute, I always noticed you at my games and the way you would cheer me on was really endearing and it encourages me a lot.”

The butterflies that erupt in your stomach with his words are undeniable. “You noticed me?” Your quiet voice is back, still, he hears you. He smiles, and it’s genuine. 

“Of course I did,” he says, “And i know that it was very… sudden but if you give me a chance i would really love to take you on dates and maybe… more.”  

He sounds slightly unsure of himself. Rubbing the leather of his wheel with his hands. 

Your mind is mush. Chenle likes you! He thinks you're cute and he noticed you at his games! What is life?! 

“What do you say?” he says after the awkward pause in which you freaked out. 

‘No’ is not a word in your dictionary.

-

The cycle continues throughout the next week; Chenle picks you up every morning (never forgetting to bid your mother a good morning) and takes you home every afternoon (always politely rejecting your mother’s offers to stay for dinner), always spilling banter in the car, learning about each other. Chenle notices how you open up to him and he likes it (though he can’t really pinpoint why), he likes talking to you, and laughing with you and he finds himself wanting to be around you more often. Though this wasn’t initially part of the plan, he figures he can enjoy it until it had to end. 

The thought makes an eerie feeling rise in his chest, even if he doesn't know why, he thinks things will be a lot harder than he planned.

🏀

It’s friday when Chenle invites you to come watch his basketball practice.

You had imagined this scenario in your head plenty of times before but not once did you think you would ever actually be here sitting on the players bench watching up close as Chenle maneuvered across the court along with the rest of the players. There was sweat dripping off the tip of his blonde hair which made him look 10 times more attractive than he already was and you have to stop the drool that threatens to leak from your lips as he sits down next to you on the bench. “Hey.”

“Hi,” You reply, trying to keep yourself together.

“Practice is over.” Chenle says motioning towards the now empty court. It's only then that you realize that you and Chenle are alone, and suddenly, he’s sitting a lot closer to you than you thought. You turn your face to him and realize that your noses are nearly touching, Chenle smiles. “Hi.” He says, coming a bit closer until he feels the moisture of his sweaty arm against your dry one, he recoils. “Oh my god, I’m sorry. I’m so sweaty right now.” There’s a dust of embarrassed blush on his face as he slides away on the bench. Your heart starts beating erratically as you watch him try to rub his sweat away with his small hand towel.

You can’t find the words to tell him it’s okay (slightly scared to tell him that you like it) so you say the next best thing. “You looked cool playing.”

This eases him a bit, he smiles. “You think so?”

“Yeah!” You say, “Like Curry!” 

Chenle laughs, “Oh man! I can’t believe you just compared me to Curry.” He stands and takes a bow, waving his towel dramatically. “I am honored.” 

The scene causes you to giggle, and Chenle has to take a breather to calm his own beating heart. 

“Especially when you blocked Jaemin at the 3rd point and scored on the spot. I was impressed.” 

“You must know a lot about basketball.” He points out. You shake your head. 

“Not really,” is your response. “I only learned from coming to watch your games.” The sudden confession slipped from your lips and you momentarily panicked. 

Upon not hearing  a response from Chenle, your breathing deepens and you think maybe you ruined the moment. 

Unbeknownst to you, Chenle watches you with curious eyes. He senses the tension coming from you and walks away, leaving you alone in your troubled state. 

You think maybe Chenle left without, freaked out and uncomfortable because of what you said, however, you’re proven ridiculously wrong when you dribble a basketball on the floor. 

You lift your gaze to Chenle who dribbled the orange ball with a teasing smile on his face. “Why don’t you show me what you got?” 

“I- I don’t-“ you begin. 

“Oh come one, Y/N!” He says, passing the ball to you, “You have to be good. I mean, you did learn from the best.” The cocky shrug of his shoulders and teasing smile bring you peace of mind and you find yourself agreeing. 

-

It’s safe to say that Chenle is surprised at your skills. He should’ve known you had paid enough attention to him to learn all his techniques and dodge them while playing. And to think he was planning on letting you win so you could feel better. It eventually became a full competition. Sweaty bodies and heavy breathing, running, dodging, scoring. Teasing words and intense competitive gazes. 

The score was 7-7. Chenle sweeps in to swipe the ball from your hands but you pivot and shoot the three pointer right from your spot. “Yes!” You exclaim, throwing your hands in the air with a celebratory dance. “I won!”

Chenle is leaning with his hands on his knees, his chest heaving. “I need-“ he breathes, “I need to stop being so good at basketball. So heathens like you can stop learning my best tricks.” He brings his hand up to pinch your cheek teasingly. “You should join the team.” He says jokingly. You chuckle, rubbing the spot on your face that was just touched by his fingers. 

“As if.” 

“Hey! Does the idea of being in a team with tons of rowdy sweaty dudes that unappealing?” Chenle jokes, placing the basketball back in its place. 

“It’s enough with you.”

Before you can retract the statement, Chenle speaks. “That’s right, you only need one sweaty rowdy basketball player in your life.” He winks. “And that’s me.”

You laugh at his words but can feel your heartbeat all throughout your body. You can’t stop your mind from thinking: 

You’re damn right. It’s you. 

-

As you walk back to his car, Chenle is the first to break the comfortable silence. “You know… it was nice to see you so talkative and competitive today. I had fun.” 

And despite everything, he meant it. He knows he probably shouldn’t, but he does. 

Unaware of his inner turmoil, you smile. “I did too.” 

He gives you a lopsided smile in return before sliding the strap of your backpack off your shoulder and onto his own, keeping his own backpack company. “I’ll carry it for you.” 

You wonder if this is the start of something magical. Beside you, Chenle wonders the same but his thoughts are weaved with something more, something that meant trouble. 

You, however, hurry home to pour your feelings into a letter. Hearts drawn on the borders of the loose leaf page and a smile on your face all throughout. 

🏀

Every week it gets harder to become immune to Chenle’s charm. 

Today, he did something as simple as drop you off at home after school. However, before bidding you goodbye as song rings from the radio of his car. Chenle perks up. “I love this song!” 

He turns up the radio to its full capacity and rolls down the windows, making the music sound through the street. 

“Chenle! Turn that down!” You exclaim but the laughter in your tone hints that you want the exact opposite. Chenle shakes his head. 

“No can do!” he waves his arms dramatically in the air, “Dance with me!” 

You laugh once again at the wonderful boy, “You’re ridiculous!”

“Oh yeah?” He says challengingly. Suddenly he is opening the door and dancing on the sidewalk where everyone could see him. His movements are almost manic and all you can do is continue laughing. “I’m not leaving until you dance with me.”

“My neighbors are going to see you.” You warn. He shrugs.

“It's fine. I’ll just tell them I’m with you!” 

“Oh my god no.” You say, stepping out of the passenger’s side, walking around the car until you’re in front of him, you cross your arms. 

“Show me some moves, I’m getting tired.” 

And so an impromptu two people dance party breaks out on the sidewalk in front of your house. Even though in your imagination dancing with Chenle would require the presence of an elegant ball gown and fancy chandeliers, all there is to be seen is loud music, laughter, grabbing of hands and playful banter. And you wonder if it could ever be more perfect than this.

-

Of course, like any other human, Chenle has his moments. 

The morning car ride was as silent as could be. Chenle’s hands gripped the steering wheel tightly, angrily. His usual smile is replaced but a scowl that only left momentarily when you stepped into the car earlier, a (clearly forced) polite smile is what you saw.

Since then you didn’t dare to speak, not wanting to bother him when he was clearly having a bad time. 

You arrive at the school and escape the still awkward ambience, bidding him a quiet farewell before running in. 

- 

You proceeded to spend the entire school day wondering what was up with Chenle that morning and what you could do to help him. It’s when you meet at the end of the day once again that you ask, “Hey, is everything okay?”

The boy freezes up, before clearing his throat. “Yeah, why do you ask?”

You shrug, “Nothing, you you were just kind of, like, quiet this morning… so i figured you were upset.” 

The blonde boy in the driver’s seat keeps his eyes on the road ahead of him, “It’s nothing, Y/N.” He says in a rough tone, one you’ve never heard or thought you would ever hear him use. “It doesn’t concern you anyway, okay?”  

Your form deflates into the seat, wishing you had kept quiet like you did this morning. You reply, “Okay.” 

There’s tension. Body swallowing tension that lasts all throughout the car ride to your house, as Chenle pulls up in front the driveway and you have already unbuckled your seatbelt before he got the chance to put the car in park. 

In the passenger’s seat, Chenle feels the guilt creeping on him. He realizes that you only asked because you cared. “Wait-” Seemingly, he is too late since you’ve already shut the car door and made your way up your driveway. “Goddammit.” He sighs to himself, working to take off his seatbelt.

Your feet hurriedly take you to your door after you exit Chenle’s car, your nerves increase as you hear Chenle leave his car. “Y/N, I-”

The door opens before you can turn the handle, your mother’s smiling face looks back at you. “Hey, Honey.” You smile back at the woman, who immediately notices the emotions behind your smile. Quietly, she asks: “Are you okay?” 

As soon as you nod in response, her eye catches Chenle standing guilty behind you. “Chenle! How are you?” 

Chenle smiles with a nod, “I’m doing alright.”

“Well, I would invite you in for dinner but I can imagine what your answer will be.” She says jokingly, teasing him for all the times he had rejected her offer. To her surprise, Chenle doesn’t laugh awkwardly or agree with her, instead, he ponders for a bit. His gaze finds your own causing you to quickly look away. He feels his heart contract as he thinks of starting at square one with you; back to when you couldn’t look him in the eye.

“Actually,” He says, “Dinner sounds great.”

🏀

Even though the tension between you and Chenle is painfully obvious, he feels his heart become lighter as he watches how you interact with your little siblings. Laughing at their childish antics and playing along with them at the dinner table. Your parents engaged in conversation with each other across the table and Chenle sat next to you, smiling and nodding as your little sister animatedly explained to him why the rocks she found next to the trash can at recess just had to be magical. As he looks at the dynamic you have in your home, he realizes that this feels more like a home than his house ever has. All of you are sat at the table, the splash of colors brought by the miscellaneous decorations, the laughter and the love radiating from every corner makes Chenle want to stay there forever. 

“Woah!” He acts, “Are you serious?” 

The little girl nods proudly, “Mhm! And I’m going to give this one,” she points to a particular shiny one on the dining table, “to Y/N, so she can make her dream come true. But don’t tell her it’s a secret.” 

He chuckles at her before whispering, “why do you think she’ll ask for?” 

She giggles, leaning closer. She puts a hand over her mouth as she whispers. “Number 22.” 

Chenle refrains from gasping, “Huh?”

“She talks about him but she never wants to tell me who he is.” She explains. “But I think if she had a rock to grant her wishes, she would wish for him.”

Chenle takes this moment to look over at you, studying your side profile as you tuck a strand of hair behind your ear, helping your little brother with his food. 

That’s when it hits him. He realizes that this isn’t what he planned it to be, that the bet he set up with his friends had gone too far, and that if he himself had a magic rock for his use… he would wish for you too.

-

“Thank you so much for the food, it was delicious.” Chenle says, rubbing his full belly to emphasize. Your mother chuckles. “It was my pleasure, Chenle. You can come back anytime you want, you are always welcome here.” 

“I definitely will, ma’am.” He says with a lopsided smile before shaking your father’s hand firmly. You can already tell by the way your father affectionately claps his hand on his shoulder and smiles at him that he too has taken a liking to the boy, like your mother. 

“Y/N.” She says sternly, turning to you who currently battled to avoid Chenle’s eyes. You hum. “Be polite and walk Chenle to his car, please.” 

You grimace subtly, not wanting to be the awkward air that would come with being alone with him. You want desperately to say no, but the gaze your mother gives you tells you that would mean trouble for you. 

The basketball player notices your hesitation and looks down sadly at his sneakers, remaining that way as you lead him to the front door of your house. Its then that Chenle looks up to the view of the back of your head, his hand twitches in want to smoothen out the ahi at the back of your head for you. 

You catch Chenle mid dilemma as you turn to face him, gesturing towards the open door. His eyes shift from you to the door. And to his car, he thinks about the ride home and how once he gets home it will just be him and he’ll be alone. 

He doesn’t want to be alone. Strangely enough, he wants to be with you. 

“Chenle?” He hears your soft voice. Your eyebrows are furrowed as you watch him stand there, unmoving, with a look of confusion. He looks into your eyes and realizes you’re waiting for him to walk through the door first. He does so, head tilted down. You follow him out the door and close it behind you. 

You trail behind him until he reaches his car, however, instead of getting in like you expected him to, he turns abruptly to you. His eyes are glossy and startled at the sight of them. “Do you-“ He pauses, hesitating. “Do you wanna go for a drive?” 

“A drive?” You ask, watching him fiddle nervously with his keys. 

“Yes.” 

“Right now?” He nods firmly. 

“I don’t- I don’t think my parents will let me go out this late.” You say, wrapping your arms around yourself to combat the winter wind. Before saying in a quieter voice, remembering the events that took place earlier that day, “And I thought you wanted to be alone.” 

Chenle feels guilty upon hearing your words. Knowing you felt hurt by his words from earlier. He shakes his head, stepping closer to you. “No. I don’t. That’s the last thing I want right now.” 

You see something in his eyes that you had never seen before. Exhaustion mixed with sadness and worry. The usually mischievous happy go lucky look nowhere to be seen amongst all the turmoil you found looking at him. You immediately grew more concerned. “Chenle…” you say, he looks away momentarily. “I’ll- let me ask my parents.” 

-

Much like many times before, you’re sat in the passenger's side of his expensive car. The scene has become common, except the ambiance is different. Chenle doesn’t attempt to start conversation like he always does, instead, he just stares forward blankly. Occasional tears rolling down his pale cheeks which he wipes away as soon as they appear, you are itching to ask the boy what is going on in his pretty head but decide against it once you remember how that turned out earlier. So you keep silent as Chenle presses harder on the gas causing the streetlights of the empty highway to become a blur above you. It momentarily impressed you how fast his car could go, however, once you look over at the boy, you see his state. Chenle has strings of tears running down his face, snot dripping out of his nose and even his hair is sticking to his forehead due to his excessive sweating. 

“Chenle, maybe we should pull over.”

He doesn’t seem to hear you, only pushing further down on the accelerator. Fear and concern enters your bloodstream as you watch him become a version of himself you’ve never seen, a version you didn’t even think existed. You reach over took him and rest your shaky hand on his arm. Upon feeling your touch, his head snaps to you and he hits the brakes abruptly causing your entire body to jolt forward. “Woah!”

Chenle’s chest heaves as he sees how scared he has made you. “I’m- I’m sorry.”

“Pull over, Chenle.” You say sternly, pulling your hand away and instead of doing what he wanted to do which was pulling your hand back to him, he does as you told him and park his car on the side of the road. The two of you sit in silence for what feels like forever, until you hear a sniffle come from Chenle’s side of the car. Looking over, you notice how he is hunched over the steering wheel, crying.

“Chenle?” You use the softest voice you could muster. “Chenle, what’s wrong?”

Your immediate response is silence. He takes in short choked breaths, it seems like every breath he takes causes him to fall into a state of agony. 

“I think-” he said, voice quivering. “Y/N, I think I’m a bad person.”

The sentence confuses you. “Why would you think that?” 

“Because I did something terrible to someone I care about.” He answers, you note that he is not able to meet your eyes. It scares you. “What did you do?”  

“I can’t-” He says breathlessly, his hand fumbling to open his car door. Stumbling out, watch as he makes his way around the car, leaning against the cement railing with his head in his hands. 

You watch him in momentary shock before following him his actions and getting out of the car as well. You carefully approach him. “What is going on with you?” 

Chenle sighs, pulling his hands away from his face. “I had a fight with my mother this morning, and everything was just piling up and I guess that was just the last straw.” 

“Do you want to talk about it?” 

“I just… everyone expects so much from me.” He breathes. “My parents, my friends, my teachers, everyone at that damn school!” The railing in front of him takes the blows of his frustration. “And I don’t think i’m as good as they think i am, i'm not worth it.” He looks over at you and you immediately straighten at the sight of his red face. “Like you, Y/N. You’re so good to me, so nice and sweet. I don’t deserve it. Especially from you.” 

You don’t know what he means by that. Chenle knows you don’t know but he stays silent. You take this as your chance to speak. “I’m not only nice to you because I want to be. Because you’ve always been nice to me too, Chenle.” You dare to step closer, into his bubble. “Don’t be too hard on yourself, it would be impossible to meet everyone’s expectations so just be yourself… that’s enough for a lot of people.”

Chenle’s mouth speaks before he can stop it. “Is it enough for you?”

To forgive me? To still be the same after you realize what I’ve done. 

There is a silence that follows that one sentence, Chenle avoids your gaze nervously, he doesn’t realize that your silence is the product of your racing mind. The mind that is currently trying to find the words to describe what is happening in your heart. You ultimately decided that the best way to go is the truth. 

“You know… I kinda had a crush on you all throughout high school, which is kind of embarrassing but that’s not the point,” you start, “the point is that I had this perfect version of you in my head. Of what you would be like. And then when you came up to me that day… I didn’t know if I could talk to someone who wasn’t the Chenle I knew up here.” You take the liberty of poking a finger against your temple. “But I did anyway, and I realized you were nothing like the Chenle I saw in my head…”

Chenle chuckled sadly before commenting, “Ouch.” 

“You were better than him.” Chenle’s gaze snaps towards you in shock, you look forward. Too afraid to meet his gaze. “Nicer, funnier, and way more handsome than I thought up close.” You chuckle, having made the comment to help him feel better. “So yeah. I would say you are enough. More than, even.” 

“You really mean that?” 

For the first time you make eye contact, you furrow your eyebrows to try and make your sincerity as apparent as possible. “I do.”

He knows you do and that mends his heart as much as it breaks it into tiny pieces. He wants nothing more than to pull you towards him and smash his lips onto your own, but he also knows that it will only worsen the situation that is yet to come. Still his hands reach before he can stop them and reach to cup either side of your face. 

Your heartbeat is running at an unearthly speed, Chenle can hear it but knows his own is probably the same. Betraying his common sense, he leans into you until your lips are almost touching, the top brushing enough to have you wanting more. You think he’s going to kiss you and close your lips tightly. However, instead of his lips, you feel his hot breath when he utters the words: “I’m sorry.” Before removing his hands from your face and backing away. 

You can’t say the action didn’t cause a hurtful blow to your feelings but you also knew Chenle was in a tough place right now. You smile at him. “You don’t have to be sorry.” 

Chenle hates how you smile at him when he does things that hurt your feelings. He hates that you’re so considerate and nice to him despite what he is doing to you behind your back. He hates that you will find out one day and that you’ll hate him as much as he hates this. He hates that he doesn’t want to lose you, and that in the end he probably will. 

-

Friday is a holiday, so you don’t see Chenle the day after he took you on a late night drive with him. (You wrote another letter that night). In fact, you don’t hear from him until your phone chimes Saturday morning, Chenle’s name above a text message.

22 [9:15am]: hey

22 [9:15am]: I hope you’re good :)

22 [9:15am]: I just wanted to let you know there’s a party at my house tonight

22 [9:16am]: if you want

22 [9:18am]: actually, I really want you there so…

22 [9:20am]: please come.

You read the texts over a few times, it dawns upon you that you've never seen Chenle’s house. Sure, you’ve heard from classmates who had gone to his huge parties that it was extravagant as can be, resembling a hotel lobby rather than a house. The thought of being in his home made your hands sweat. Still, you remember how anxious you were to see him, especially after the other night, and you find yourself typing a reply of confirmation before tossing your phone to the side and walking to your closet to find something to wear for tonight. 

🏀

As soon as your parents drop you off in front of what was easily the biggest, brightest, classiest house you’ve ever seen in your entire life, you get the unnerving urge to go home. 

The abundance of people did nothing to help the creeping anxiety, the stares of some that briefly trained on you before whispering something to their friends. You couldn’t help but feel out of place. That is, until you see a familiar face. Jisung walks up to you with his hand wrapped around his girlfriend’s. “Hi!” He calle brightly as the girl waved friendly. 

“Hey guys!” You try to stabilize your voice. “How’s the party?” 

“Honestly… it kinda turned sour once some lower class men came and started to get wasted.” Jisung chuckled out, his girlfriend nods in agreement as she grips his arm affectionately. You smile when he looks over at her and smiles. There’s a part of you that feels envious of the relationship the two have but most of your thoughts surround how happy you are for the two. “We’re probably leaving soon anyway.” Jisung adds on. 

After getting over your monetary panic of having to be alone once again you nod your head, smiling at them. “Okay, I’m going to try to find Chenle.” They nod and bid their farewells, you sigh out loud as you walk through the crowd once again, searching for the blonde hair of the boy you so desperately need to calm right now. 

“I heard that she is the one Chenle left Ava for?” You hear someone say. 

“No way! Chenle wouldn’t stoop that low, plus I heard Ava broke up with him.” 

“Either way, I don’t understand why he would be hanging with her anyway, he probably feels sorry for her. What a loser.” 

It’s strange how you can hear their comments over the loud music that causes the walls to vibrate. You feel like vomiting as your insecurities take over and another sweaty presses against you. You push them away and run the rest of the way, not looking to find Chenle anymore just wanting to get out of here. You find what you hope is the bathroom and open the door, running inside and shoving the door closed, chest heaving.

“Y/N?” You hear from behind you, you turn around in shock and make eye contact with the red faced boy you spent your whole night looking for. “Chenle.” 

It’s then that you realize that he’s not alone. Across from him is an equally red faced Ava, eyebrows furrowed and lips turned down in a frown. 

It dawns upon you that you might have just interrupted something. 

You look between the two before averting your gaze back to the floor. “Oh my god, I’m so sorry.” Hands grabbing the door handle and turning it quickly in a desperate attempt to flee the room. Completely deaf to the , “Wait!” That leaves Chenle’s mouth as you leave the room. 

Soon enough your back in the sea of sweaty drunks, trying to stabilize your voyage to the front door. To escape the stormy waters this night has caused your nerves. 

And you almost make it, had it not been for the harsh shove you received that sent you tumbling onto the floor. Suddenly, the people around you become giants and their huge feet stomp around you, threatening to squash you under their sneakers as if you were an irrelevant bug. 

Your shaky legs prevent you from standing up, and you only realize you’re crying when you feel a tear run down the side of your neck. No one seems to notice you’re there and you suddenly remember why being invisible sucks. 

It feels like ages have passed when you feel hands gripping your arms and lifting you onto your feet. Chenle’s voice sounds distance even if he’s barely an inch away from you. “Are you okay?” 

“I think-“ you say, shakily. “I think I’m having a panic attack.” 

Chenle takes your head and shoves it into his chest, making sure to keep a hand over your eyes as he leads you through the crowd. “It’s okay.” He whispers. “Everything is going to be okay.” 

He repeats the sentences over and over until you two reach a quieter place and you hear the door of a shutting door and the music becomes muffled. 

Chenle keeps a hand secured around your head as he holds you for a few more seconds before slowly letting you go. 

“I need you to breathe with me, okay?” He says. Before you can think, you nod. “In through your nose.” He demonstrated, you follow. “Out through your mouth.” 

You continue this until the beating of your heart has slowed down and you don’t feel like you're physically suffocating anymore. Instead, you feel tired. Chenle must have noticed because he ushers you to lay on the neatly made bed behind you, tucking you in before you had time to protest. 

🏀

It takes a whole ten minutes for either of you to speak, you half expected Chenle to leave after throwing this blue blanket over you, instead, he sits at the edge of the mattress and picks at his nails. Kind of like he wants to say something. 

“Thank you for helping me.” You speak first. “I don’t know what went wrong.” 

Chenle sighs, “I’m sorry for not finding you, I just- I was-“ 

“It’s okay, you don’t have to explain.” You interrupt, remembering where he was when you finally found him. It leaves a bitter taste in your mouth, still you know it’s not your place to question him. “I should get going, anyway.” You rush to slip on your shoes only to be stopped by Chenle. 

“No, it’s not what you thought it was.” He starts. You avert your gaze from him in fear of what he had to say. “Ava and I ran into each other earlier and she was just going off about how horrible I was in front of everyone. I think she was drunk, but she was causing a scene so I wanted to take her somewhere where it wouldn’t cause a commotion. I didn’t want to bring her in here so I just took her to the bathroom” He says, “We got into a bit of an argument, and that’s when you walked in.” 

“It’s-“ 

“She told me she wanted to get back together.” He blurts out, like he was getting something off his chest. 

“Oh.” Is your reply.

“Obviously I said no.” He says, almost expectedly. He doesn’t know that the knot that was tightening in your chest loosened a bit at his words. He watches you for a bit before speaking again. “What- what’s on your mind?” 

The question catches you off guard. You don’t really know what’s on your mind, the messy twister of thoughts going too fast for you to be able to reach in and grab a coherent thought. Only one thing pops up and you go with it. 

“Is this your room?” 

Chenle is silent for a second before he says. “Uh, yeah? Yes, it is.” 

You hum, laying on your back once again. It’s then that you notice the glow in the dark stars Chenle has stuck to the ceiling of his room, identical to the ones in your own. “You have stars on your ceiling.” 

He chuckles embarrassingly, scratching the back of his neck. “Yeah, I’ve lived here since I was a kid my grandad put them up there when I was young and I just never got around to taking them down.” 

“I have the same ones on mine.” 

“Really?” He asks. But he can’t help the shift his heart takes as he thinks of the two of you laying under the same glow in the dark stars every night. 

Before he knew it, he was walking towards the light switch and flicking it off. The lights shine to their full potential over you. It eases you a bit, until you feel the bed dip next to you and you smell his close proximity to you, feeling the warmth coming his shoulder where it touches your own as you lay side by side. 

The silence is comfortable this time. 

“Do you ever have panic attacks?” You ask suddenly. 

Chenle shakes his head but remembers you can see him, “No.” He whispers, as if someone would hear him. “But Jisung does sometimes, so I learned some techniques to be able to help him through it.” 

You smile into the darkness. “That’s nice of you.” You lower your voice to his whispering tone.

Suddenly words are absent and the two of you just stare at the stars to the ceiling. 

You know it’s weird, that after the other night, you are lying in Chenle’s bed beside him like nothing happened. Like you had always been there. You wondered whether you should be glad or scared that you feel that way.

Beside you, Chenle is having his own dilemma. On one part, he feels relieved that you’re safe now, that no one can hurt you now that you’re here with him. He feels comforted that you look so at home in his room, blending in so well it almost sends his head reeling. (Partially the reason he turned off the lights.) On another part, he feels so scared that he wants to think you blend in and that he wants to tell you everything in his head. That he wants to let you in, when he knows he shouldn’t. That he felt concern in his veins when he saw you in such a panicked state earlier, and all he wanted to do was tuck you into his chest and protect you forever. 

Why did he want to protect you forever? 

He turns on his side, you feel it. His breath fans on the side of your face. You turn to his darkness, staring to where you knew his face would be. 

“Can I tell you something?” He says, it’s too late to take it back now, since you nod. “The other night when I ate dinner at your house…” he starts, “I was in such a bad place, And I never thanked you for putting up with me and having me over for dinner, it made me feel so much better, you know before everything blew up in the car.” 

You furrow your eyebrows at his words. “That was actually my mom’s doing, but I will make sure to tell her you said so.” 

Chenle shakes his head, kissing his teeth. “No, that’s not it. It was because you were there, Y/N.” 

You hold your breath when he said that, not replying. Chenle takes his own in an attempt to calm his rapid heart. “Spending time with your family kinda made me feel like I was a part of something special.” He confesses. “Something you were a part of.”

An unsteady exhale tumbles from your lips, his statement doing a number on your heart. “What… what are you trying to say?”

This is it, Chenle. Tell her about the bet, confess what you did and fix everything before things get too serious and you break her heart. Tell her the truth! 

‘The truth’ Chenle thinks. ‘Okay.’

“I like you, Y/N.” You don’t see that he is squeezing his eyes shut even if the room is pitch black.

“What?” You say in disbelief, even if the butterflies have already started erupting in your stomach. 

“I like you.” He repeats. “So much.” 

You stare in his direction in a state of shock and happiness. Meanwhile, Chenle beats himself up in his mind, taking your silence as a bad sign. “It's okay if you don’t want to be a thing or anything, I just thought, you know, since I like you and you like me… Liked? Is that past tense?” 

Your head shakes and causes a ruffling noise against his pillow. “No, it’s very much present tense.” 

The warmth pressed against your shoulder disappears. And you hear Chenle’s footsteps throughout the room, suddenly the world turns bright and Chenle walks back to the bed. Now with the light on, he can see the blush on your cheeks and the small smile you wear. He smiles back at you, but he feels bad. So, so bad. 

So bad that leans down to lay over you, kissing your breath away. 

It's only after the momentary surprise that you begin to kiss him back.

His lips are rougher than you thought they would be, but still held some pillow like softness you expected. His hands hold your cheeks as he dips down further to bring his lips closer to yours. 

Now you totally understood why everyone was so crazy about kissing. It’s the best thing ever, and you never want it to end. However, breathing becomes an issue when you kiss someone, you learned. Chenle is the first to pull away, keeping his face a barely centimeters from your own, your breaths meet in the middle. 

When you finally open your eyes, you are met with Chenle’s worried ones already watching you. You immediately frown. 

“What’s wrong?” You ask. Are you a bad kisser? Does your breath smell? Does he regret it? His response is unlike those, shocking you when the words leave his mouth. 

“I don’t want to break your heart, Y/N.”  He looks away from you. His body is still positioned above you, the position being one that makes it hard to avoid your eyes (and one that is even suggestive).  Still he tries his best, that is, until he feels your soft hands cradling his cheeks just as he has been doing to your own just a few minutes ago. 

“Chenle, look at me.” You say, though your voice is wavering. He obliges. “Why are you worried about that?” 

“I just-” You can tell he would look away if you weren’t holding his head in place, he can’t hide his eyes now. “I’m just afraid I'll do something to hurt you and that you’ll hate me.” He says, which isn’t the whole truth but is also not a lie. 

“Why would I hate you? I could never.” Chenle wants to scoff sadly when you say that but you cut him off. “I’ll promise to not break your heart if you promise to not break mine.” You extend your pinky in between your faces. 

Chenle winces internally, feeling like he already broke your heart. And he is more scared now that it’s real. That you like each other and this probably makes you guys a thing, that he doesn’t want to hurt your feelings like he knows he will. But he also thinks about the fact that he has never felt this way with anyone else, that you were the first girl he ever felt comfortable enough with to let in his room, that you have glow in the dark stars like him and that it kind of feels like you’re split-aparts that have finally found each other. The longer he could keep you by his side, the better. 

That’s when he decides to let himself live in this world, at least while he can. He wraps his pinky around yours and lets your thumbs touch, sealing the deal.

He doesn’t have time to regret his decision because you lean up and catch his lips before he can think of anything but you.

🏀

Two weeks later, and most of your days have been spent much like this one. Chenle’s arms wrap protectively around your middle as you read the messages on your phone. One being a reminder from the president of the student council about the special dress code for Valentine’s Day. 

You turn in Chenle’s hold and meet his sleepy eyes, he smiles. “Did you see what the student council is doing?” 

“Mm?” He replies, you turn your phone to him. “A dress code?” 

“Yep, white for single, pink for complicated, and red for taken.” You say, bringing attention back to you phone. “I’m glad I look good in pink.” 

The statement confuses Chenle. “What do you mean pink? What is complicated?” 

You startle at the awareness and worry on his voice compared to the sleepy mumbles you were getting just moments ago. “Well… I mean, you never asked me to be your girlfriend.” 

Chenle freezes. You were right, he never did because part of the bet was to have a girlfriend by Valentines, it made him feel as though he wasn’t a complete asshole if he hadn’t completed the bet. “You’re right.” 

You watch him expectedly, but receive no response. Holding back a sigh, you bring your attention back down to your phone. 

“Are you upset with me?” His soft voice meets your ears. 

You shake your head. “Of course not, why would I be?” 

“It’s not fair to you that I keep you waiting.” None of what I’ve done to you is fair, he thinks. 

You reach up and stroke the hair that frames his face, smiling softly. “I’ll wait until you’re ready, Chenle. You know that.” 

It scares him how soft you are, how warm and safe he feels when he’s with you. That’s when he decides, it’s best if he waits out this week and lets himself live like this longer, even if it’s for a bit. 

“Kiss me.” He whispers. And you do. Pushing your chest flush against his, making sure every part of your body touches his own; remaining like that until you are sure you have blisters lining your lips from how much you’ve kissed him. 

The two of you end up hotly panting, you straddled over his lying figure. Chenle looks up at you from where he is before sitting up, suddenly, you feel the warmth of his hands tug at the edge of your shirt. His eyes ask for permission, which you reply to with a nod. 

You’re nervous. Very much so. You wonder if this will be the first time you have sex or if anything else will happen. 

Chenle lifts your shirt off your head and places it next to your body. “Is this okay?” He asks, his big innocent eyes looking up at you. 

“Yes.” Is the only answer you can formulate. 

The boy maintains eye contact with you as he says the following words. “Do you want to take off mine?” 

Your face flushed red, you can feel it. “I-if that’s okay with you.” His answer is in the form of his hands leading your own to the hem of his shirt, before letting go and putting his arms up. Your hands are shaking as you grab the clothing, slowly pulling it up, exposing his pale abdomen inch by beautiful inch. 

You smile at him as his head finally reappears from the whole in his shirt. “Hi.” You say, he smiles.

What he does next is something you didn’t expect from the lead up of events, unlike anything you’ve seen in erotic movie or read about in novels. 

He wraps his arms around your waist and pushes you down to lay next to him, he then pulls you towards him so that your the heat of your torso melts into his own. He shuffles until he is as close to you as he can get, only then is when stops moving. Resting his cheek against your own, you feel his breath on your ear. 

“I just want to be close to you, to hold you.” 

Just like that your heart is full to the brim once again. 

-

It’s the night before Valentine’s Day and Chenle is restless. He had decided tomorrow would be the day he would tell you everything. He would come clean and the two of you would start over (right?). He had practiced what he was going to say for hours earlier that night, wanting to have the perfect words so that his message got across to you. Still, even with all that practice, he knows there’s no guarantee that you won’t hate him. That you will swear him off and never speak to him again, when he has become so fond of you. The thought makes his hands ache and toes curl in an angsty feeling. 

After tossing and turning for nearly two hours, he finally gives up on sleeping and opts for looking at the stars stuck to his ceiling. He wonders if you’re awake right now. If you’re thinking about him while looking at your stars. He imagines your messy hair and pajamas and smiles softly to himself. “I miss her.” He says out loud, to the darkness of his room. 

Suddenly, everything happens in a flash as he throws his covers off himself and marches to the closet, pulling out his favorite red hoodie, grabbing the Valentine’s Day gift he had gotten you days ago then he’s in his car. Desperate to get where you are. 

-

It’s nearly 1am when you hear the knocking on your window. You had just begun to fall asleep when the noise startled you awake. 

Upon inspecting your window cautiously, you gasp when you see Chenle’s blonde hair. The window opens with a click. “Chenle! What are you doing here?” 

What is he doing here? “I just wanted to see you.” 

His words flutter your heart. “But it’s 1am, on a school night.” 

“I know that, I just…” he scratches the back of his neck because in reality he doesn’t know why the hell he even came here in the first place. “I had to give you something.” 

He extends the bag in his hand out to you. “Happy Valentine’s Day.” 

The bag contains two items, the first being the red hoodie you had seen Chenle wear many times before. His smell reeked off of it, causing you to nearly die of delight. “Wear this tomorrow.” He says. “Cause you’re mine.” 

You don’t know that his heart hurts for you, he pities you for being the one who causes him to lose all self control and make decisions that will hurt you in the long run. He feels so sorry that he couldn’t wait until tomorrow, that he just wanted you today, now. Before you get the chance to hate him. To run away. He wanted you to be his. 

You say nothing to him, only smiling bashfully as your cheeks matched the color of his clothing item. You look into the bag and see a black box that would be the second item. “What’s this?” You say to yourself, smiling up at Chenle. You open the box to reveal a beautiful necklace with a pretty pink diamond hanging off the end. You gasp. 

“Chenle, I can't accept that.” You say, closing it. You knew the necklace probably cost more than your house, you felt guilty taking it. 

“Please accept it. I bought it for you. I want to see it on you every day.” He seizes the opportunity to reassure himself. “And yes. It cost a lot, so that means we have to continue seeing each other, hm?” 

“Chenle…” you say. 

“Please.” He says in a way that makes you wonder if this is only about the necklace. 

“Okay.” 

You pivot and allow him to clip the chain, you turn to him and catch his reaction to the jewelry resting against your upper chest. “How do I look?”

Chenle’s eyes study the necklace before looking into your own. He smiles somewhat sadly as his arm reaches up to stroke your own. “You look beautiful.” He whispers. “Just like I knew you would.” 

You can’t put your finger on it, but something about his demeanor is unsettling. “Chenle, is something wrong?” You ask, to which he shakes his head weakly, but the sad look on his face tells you otherwise. You figure it had something to do with his family and refrain from asking. Instead you cup his cheek to provide him comfort, he leans into your touch and shits his eyes momentarily. “I love it. Thank you.” You say in a quiet voice. Chenle watches your features move into a soft smile before impulsively leaning forward to peck your lips. 

“I’m so happy.” To be with you, to be yours. “Let's be happy together for a long time, okay?”

You don’t say no.

-

The next morning you arrive before every other student to school. Chenle’s red sweater rests on your figure as you reach your locker and take out what had been heavy in your mind since last night. The letters. You were going to give them to Chenle and ask him to be your boyfriend. Sure, you were nervous to do so, but you knew Chenle was someone you wanted to have in your life for a long time. That's why you slip the envelopes decorated with his name one by one into the vent of his locker. 

You remember thinking this would be the beginning of something great. 

You were wrong.

🏀

There��s a pep in your step as you make your way through the halls after school clad in Chenle’s red hoodie, heart eyes searching for the boy. 

And for the first time in probably ever, you wished you wouldn’t have found him. You wished you didn’t have to see Chenle pressed up against his locker with his hands resting on Ava’s hips as she kisses him roughly. 

“Oh my god.” You say, voice small but enough to catch Chenle’s ear. The boy immediately pushes Ava away from him and turns to the sound of your voice with pleading eyes. 

“Y/N-“

“Look who showed up!” Ava interrupts, turning fully towards you. “I was wondering when you were going to come looking for him like you always do, I bet you’re glad it’s over, right Chenle?” 

The way the boy looks away from your eyes to shift his guilty gaze to the floor makes you furrow your eyebrows in confusion. “Chenle what is she talking about?” 

When the boy remains silent, Ava’s high pitched voice answers for him. “Well, since he doesn’t seem very talkative right now, I’ll just tell you myself.” She clears her throat, as if setting the scene, your hands are starting to ache. “A month ago, our darling Chenle made a bet with his friends after our break up, you know as boys do, they said he couldn’t get another girlfriend before Valentine’s Day. Obviously, Chenle’s competitive self took that as a challenge and it’s obvious that you had been in love with him for like ever so you were the easiest target.” 

The way the world stops spinning isn’t like it’s described in all the romance novels you read, it’s not the good kind that makes you feel like you're floating that nothing could stop you, it’s the kind that weighs you down and makes you feel dizzy, causing you to stumble. This is what you feel when you ask: “Chenle… is this true?” And the boy just stares at you, for a second before looking away once again. 

“Of course, it’s true. He was even showing me the pathetic love letters you wrote to him.” She motions to the stack of letters in Chenle’s hands. You gasp, feeling like every last bit of you was torn apart. The thought of them reading the deepest tellings of your heart and laughing at it, all when you wholeheartedly believed that the boy you spoke about in the letters was finally all yours.

When he wasn’t. He was never yours. But he wanted you to think that. 

“Oh my god,” you run to him and attempt to rip the letters out of his hands only for him to hold on tighter. “Let go, Chenle.” 

“Y/N, please-“ 

You can’t help the sob that creeps up your throat as your attempt weakly to shake your heart out of his hands. “Please, let go.” 

Chenle watches you cry before him and feels like that the act of ripping his actual heart out of his chest would hurt less than this. 

You take this moment of weakness and rip the letters out of his grasp, before running down the hall. 

-

It’s only when you feel a hand grasp your shoulder and spin you around that you realize that Chenle has followed you all the way out to the parking lot. 

Seeing him caused every bone in your body to ache, and the contractions in your heart were hard to ignore. “Wait, okay? I need to explain somethings to you.” 

“I don’t want to hear your explanations! I just want to go home.” You realize that you probably sound like a bratty child but you couldn’t care less. 

Chenle nods, “Okay, then let’s go.” 

“Not with you.” 

Chenle can't help the dagger that the sentence shoots into his heart. “Then I’ll say what I need to say right here!” He exclaims, trying to mask his pain with anger. “It’s true that I made a bet with my friends to date you the day I first drove you home, and it’s really shitty of me, I know. But I had just broken up with Ava and everything was so messy and I just wanted to make her feel bad so I said yes. “ He pauses, “I said yes and so I went to you since I knew you liked me-“

“Jesus,” you wince, embarrassment creeping up your throat and clogging it up. Your eyes water as you think of how truly fucked up the situation is. 

That day, one month ago, you were right to question Chenle’s intentions. No, he didn’t admire you or see you the way you saw him, you were just easy bait. And everything has been a lie. “I can’t- I can’t do this.”

Chenle tries to stop the tears of guilt that threatened to leak from the corners of his eyes. “I’m sorry, Y/N.” 

“No you’re not.” Your bitter words are a shock to Chenle, he had never heard you use that tone with him (or with anyone) before. “You’re not fucking sorry.” Tears of humiliation and frustration run down your face and Chenle wants desperately to cradle your cheeks in his hands, but thinks he might never be able to after this. “It might not have been a big deal to you Chenle, but you were my first kiss, you were the first guy who ever took me on dates and drove me around in his car, you. And I thought you were the first boy who ever liked me.” The smell of him you once loved reeks of the hoodie covering your body, however, instead of feeling welcomed and happy you feel like it’s creeping up the sides of your neck and suffocating you to no end. You groan as you grab the hem of the article and rip it off your body, leaving you in a flimsy t-shirt to combat the winter cold. 

Chenle sighs, “I know you’re mad at me but you’re going to get sick if you walk home like that. It’s cold.”

You scoff in response, “Lucky for you then, because you don’t need to worry about me anymore.” In a quieter voice you say. “I was probably just a burden to you this whole time.” 

The boy immediately opposes the statement, “You were never a burden, I liked hanging out with you. I care about you.” 

“Only because it helped you win that stupid bet, and to make your ex jealous!” You exclaim, finally looking into his sorry eyes. He looks tired, you almost falter in your stance before putting up the wall separating you two that had always been there before the day he drove you home. 

You wished he had never approached you, because the Chenle in your dreams would never do this to you. 

It’s in that moment that you feel the weight of the dove on your neck, your finger move to unhinge it as you place it on top of the hoodie resting against his chest. You watch his jaw tense as he looks at you. You make eye contact one last time with the blonde haired boy in front of you, Before sadly turning away. 

“Y/n please,” it’s the weakest you’ve ever heard his usually booming voice. “Don’t leave me like this. What about our promise, huh? You’re breaking my heart right now.” Chenle knows the attempt to get you to stay is pathetic and desperate but he’s at a loss of what to do. 

Angrily, you spit. “You broke my heart the moment you approached me that day so I guess that promise was made to be broken wasn’t it?” 

Chenle watches you walk away with your arms wrapped tightly around your shaking body. He sees as you walk past a trash can and dump all your letters into it, wiping your tears and starting your journey to the bus stop. 

And he would never share this with you, walks up the trash can with tears in his eyes and reaches into the garbage, picking out every letter in there. He figures it’s the only piece of your heart he can manage to save for himself. It’s proof that the hate you now hold in your heart for him was once love. 

Even if he ruined everything. 

-

You never knew they called it heartbreak because your chest physically hurts this much. At times you feel like throwing up, at others you want to throw all your belongings across your room. The pain was almost unbearable at the beginning, embarrassing and hot flashes of anger running through you constantly as you think back to that moment.

You don’t go to school that Monday, telling your mom you were feeling sick. Which isn’t entirely a lie, especially when you see Chenle’s car pull up outside your house that morning. You feel like throwing up again. You’re angry at him. So so angry that he thinks things will be the same after what he did. That he thinks he can pull up at your house and drive you around after completely breaking your heart. 

You pull the blinds down as your mom comes through your door. “Honey, Chenle is here.”

“Tell him to leave.” You seeth, tears running down your face. You wipe them away frustratedly. “Tell him to never come back here, Mom.”

Your mother watches with sad, sympathetic eyes. Before nodding solemnly and closing the door on her way out. 

Due to a strange urge, you peek through the blinds and wait to see him walk out your driveway. He does, dragging his feet. Much to your dismay, he stops suddenly and turns to face your window. You immediately step away in the darkness of your room, away from the light and Chenle’s eyes. 

-

Three weeks pass, things at school remain the same for the most part. You hang out with Donghyuck like you used to. You try your best to not look over at the athletes table even when you feel Chenle’s eyes on you. However, somethings do change, you no longer spend your class time daydreaming about a certain blonde boy, or writing love letters on the back pages of your notebook about how pretty his eyes look when they catch the light. Instead, you stare out the window of your classrooms, wanting nothing more than to be in your room away from everyone once again. You sigh and look away from the window momentarily before looking up again. You startle as you see Chenle on the other side of the glass. Watching you with eyes that looked like they had a lot to say. You shudder  when you take in the bag under his eyes and exhaustion written all over his face. You want to believe it’s because of you, you hope it is. You hope he can’t sleep at night thinking of you. Nevertheless, you remember what happened on Valentine’s Day and realize you were probably too insignificant to him to have caused him to be this way. 

He softly smiles at you, bringing his hesitant hands up to wave at you, only for you to avert your eyes away from him and to the teacher at the front of the room. 

Chenle looks down dejectedly before continuing his walk, meanwhile you sit at your desk, wanting to escape more than ever. 

-

Three days later, your mother informs you that you have a visitor. “Tell him I don’t want to see him.” 

“It’s not Chenle.” She says before confusedly adding: “He said his name is Jisung.” 

Jisung? What the hell is he doing here? “I’ll be down in a minute.” 

When you finally get down stairs Jisung smiles awkwardly at you before gesturing towards the door. “Do you like milkshakes?” 

-

“What is this about?” 

The words that say heavy on your tongue the whole car ride here finally leave you as you sit across Jisung at Billy’s. He sips his milkshake before clearing his throat to speak. “How have you been?” 

You’ve been really shitty. “I’ve been fine, I guess.”

Jisung hums, rubbing his hand together before sighing. “I guess we should just get straight to the point, then.” He pauses, “Have you spoken to Chenle recently?”

While you figured this meeting had something with Chenle, you still sit up straighter when you hear his name. You clear your throat as if this is a kind of declaration. “No. I haven’t spoken to him since Valentine’s day.” You don’t want to ask about him, so you try the next best thing. “Why- why do you ask?” 

“I haven’t seen him since last week.” Jisung says, something in your stomach doesn’t sit right. “He’s been missing practice, which he never did, and he’s not answering any of my messages or calls. And the pre-final game is tomorrow and no one has heard from him.” 

His words are bazar. Basketball is unarguably the most important thing in Chenle’s life, why would he risk this chance of winning the championship like this? “He hasn’t spoken to me either, sorry.” You say, but your mind is fogged with worry as to where the boy could be. Jisung remains silent for some time before he clicks his tongue. 

“I know what happened between you two.” You avoid his gaze and feel blood rush to your cheeks. “And I think you’re right for not talking to him after that.” 

How could he say that about his best friend? Still, you nod. “But I think you only know a part of what’s really going on here.”

“Huh?”

“I mean, yeah. The whole thing started as a bet, but after a few weeks Chenle told me that something changed. He said he didn’t want to do the bet anymore, that he felt guilty for using you like that because he ended up really really liking you Y/N and I’m not just saying this because he is my best friend or anything but I think when the time is right, you should give him a chance.”

You finally look up at him and realize upon feeling a tear trail down your face that you were crying. You wipe it away quickly and sigh. “I don’t know, Jisung. He really hurt me, I was so embarrassed I felt like I could die.” 

“Sometimes we make stupid decisions.” The ‘we’ reminds you of the story of Jisung and his girlfriend’s love story that Chenle animatedly told you about one night you stayed at his house. You remember wondering how someone as sweet as Jisung could do any of those things, and how his girlfriend could forgive him for any of it.However, you knew the love they had for each other in their hearts was more than the anger due to his actions. You wonder if the attachment you have for Chenle would ever be enough. 

Jisung reads your mind. “I think he loves you.”

Your eyes become wide as planets before you scoff in disbelief. “Don’t say that.” You say, weak hearted.

“He does! While you two were still a thing he wouldn’t stop talking about how cute you were, how good you are at basketball and how you have the same glow in the dark stars on your ceiling that he does.” 

What? You didn’t think cared enough to talk about you or to remember those details. “He told you that?” 

Jisung nods, “And a lot of other things, but I don’t think we’ll have the time.” 

“He… he never told me he loved me.” You thought Chenle had just come into your life as a lesson to always be on your guard, to never let anyone in and protect yourself above others. But now… you wonder if you meant more to Chenle than you thought.

“Take it from me,” Jisung says, “sometimes those 8 letters can be the hardest to say.” 

🏀

Once you’ve parted ways with Jisung, (who offered to drive you home to which you politely declined to, telling him the walk home would give you time to think) you make your way home on your dirty sneakers and think about what Jisung said. 

It’s hard to believe that Chenle would actually say those things about you, while knowing he was playing you. You wondered if it really did change for him like Jisung said, and if he really felt sorry like he was telling you that day in the parking lot. 

You’re so lost in thought that you don’t realize the familiar car parked in front of your house until you hear the voice your heart has been longing to hear for weeks now. “Is Y/N home?” 

You bolt to the nearest bush and duck behind it, close enough to hear their words but far enough that Chenle and your conflicted mother are unaware of your presence. “Oh, I’m sorry sweetie she went out a few hours ago.” 

“Oh.” You flinch when you hear the disappointment in his voice. “Can you tell her I stopped by?” And that I miss her, he wants to say but you don’t know that. “And please give this to her too if it’s not too much trouble.” You hear shuffling as Chenle hands whatever it is he wanted to give you to your mom. 

“I will, sweetie.” Your mom says. “And Chenle?” There's a pause in which he hums. “Get some sleep, honey.”

You can imagine that Chenle throws her his signature polite smile, “I will try, Ma’am.” 

It’s not longer after that you hear his sneakers against the steps of your porch and see him get into his car. You have a perfect view of him from where you are. Watching as he frustratedly runs his hands through his hair and throws his head back against the seat. You don’t know why you feel sorry for him. You know you should be angry but after what Jisung told you, you need to stop yourself from going to him. 

-

You contemplate if even looking inside the bag is a decision. 

It sits in front of you neatly on your bed where you had placed it after your mother handed it to you with a worried: “He looks so tired, Y/N.” Which caused hurt to arise in your heart. 

The bag is a bright red one, the type that usually is full of candies and sweets, maybe flowers. You want to know what is inside manically, but you're afraid about what this would mean for your relationship (if you could even call it that) with Chenle. Is this his final goodbye or is this him trying to get you back?

You had to know.

Upon opening it, you are shocked to see a pale yellow envelope with your name written in Chenle’s messy handwriting on top. You grab it with shaky hands, the texture is different somehow, because for the first time ever, this letter was meant for you.  

Inside, there is a loose leaf paper much like the ones you had sent to him neatly folded. Your heart beats in your ear as you finally see the first words, you breathe in deeply and read away.

“Y/N, 

       I thought for a long time about what I would say to you in this letter, I’ve been sitting on it for three weeks trying to find the right things to say that would convince you to forgive me before I realized that they all sounded tacky and cliche when I read them back. So, i’ve decided to just go with the truth. It’s true that at first I wasn't honest with you, that I only approached you to complete a dare my friends had given me that day and I won’t make any excuses because I was such a huge asshole to you. I was just so hurt that day because of Ava and I wanted to make her feel like shit so bad, I wanted to hurt her like she had hurt me and I used you to do so, Y/N. But after I approached you and started spending time with you,I started thinking back to all the times I would look at you when the sun came in through the window in the English classroom before I had even spoken a word to you. I bet you didn’t know I did that, did you?” 

You didn’t, the you at that time would’ve freaked out if she knew though.

“I remember thinking you were so pretty, that you were untouchable to me so i just never tried. But something changed when i got to know you, i realized that you were the coolest person i’ve ever met, that you were real and that you were there with me whenever i needed someone. No one has ever made me feel so safe and comforted. I became selfish with you because I never wanted it to end. I didn’t want to tell you because i was scared you would hate me do you hate me? The night before valentines i went to your house because i planned on telling you everything the next day, i wanted to see your happy eyes just once more just in case i ruined everything. On Valentine’s day, when i got to school and read your letters. You wouldn’t believe how happy I was to read all the wonderful things you said about me. I was so happy that you held me as close to your heart as I held you to my own. I was going to tell you everything after that, i was going to confess and tell you that i couldn’t go another day with this secret. I was going to tell you how i felt but Ava stopped me, she told me she knew about the bet and then she kissed me and that's when you showed up. I’m so sorry you had to see that, I’m so that i used you like that. I’m sorry that I took advantage of you but I want you to know that I meant everything I told you, I loved spending time with you, and being with your family made me feel so special. I remember thinking we were split aparts and i know that sounds stupid but i really want you to know that i meant it. And every kiss we shared and every time I held you I felt it and I really really really mean it when i say that i loved you. I loved you so much that I didn't ever want to lose you.”

The past tense makes your chest tighten.

“I won’t tell you to forgive me, but your spot on the bleachers looks so empty without you. The pre finals are tomorrow and i would love it if you came, to cheer me on like you used to. You don’t have to wear it if you don’t want to but I wanted to give you something that would portray how serious I am about this. That if you are willing to come cheer me on with a part of me with you.”

This when you reach into the bag and pull out the item that once laid underneath your letter. The 22 of Chenle’s basketball jersey stares back at you, you gasp as you hold the fabric in your fingers. You had watched him run around the court with this very jersey plenty times before, you knew how much being number 22 meant to him. You were grateful he would trust you so important to him, you really wanted to grab his face and tell him that. Instead, you finish reading the letter. 

“You make me feel brave. And I will forever be sorry for what I did to you, but I mean it when I say I loved you I still love you. 

Please come.                                                         - Zhong Chenle.”

He loves you! Present tense. You could almost jump from joy. You want to see him, tell him you love him too. A million times if you can. You want to say that you forgive him for everything, that you have felt incomplete without him these past few weeks and the Chenle you made up in your mind was too perfect anyway. 

-

Chenle sighs for the upteenth time the next afternoon as he stretches along with his teammates. He tries his best to take his mind off of you for the time being, at least until after the game is over, he needed to focus but he found it very hard when he began to wonder what was going through your head when you read his letter, and if you were coming today.

He startles when he feels a hand on his shoulder. Hopeful, he turns. His hopefulness fades away when he sees Jisung standing before him. 

“Damn don’t look too sad to see me.” He jokes. Chenle shakes his head

“It’s not that…” Chenle explains, biting his lip nervously and subconsciously looks toward the bleakers where your empty seat was. Jisung gets the hint. 

“Chenle,” he says. “It's okay, she’ll come.” 

Chenle wants to ask him how he is so sure, that if he were you, he would hate himself too. Instead, he nods at him and readjusts the waistband of his shorts on his hips as the coach calls for the team to step out onto the court. 

People immediately start cheering for the players as they come into the view, girls go crazy in the stands and the members’ friends and families cheere enthusiastically from the side lines. The players smile and wave at their ‘fans’ doing a lap around the court to warm up and high five audience members. 

Chenle can only bring himself to smile half heartedly and wave weakly due to the fact that your spot on the bleachers still remains empty. 

He sighs out again, puffing his cheeks as the referee finally calls for the first round. That’s when his adrenaline starts pumping and he feels a bit better. 

The game goes on. 

-

Chenle’s jersey is only a bit big on you, almost fitting like something that would be your size, still, you try to pull it down over your hips in a nervous habit. You finally made it to the game, having fun late due to traffic. The spot you usually sit in is occupied by a woman holding a baby, so you decide to stay and watch from the sidelines, standing. 

The first time you see him, he is running across the court so fast he becomes a blur. You only know it’s him because of the head of blonde hair you see in the blurry image. He looks breathtaking as always, his hair being pushed away from his face by a sweat band being an addition to his look you wouldn’t mind seeing again. 

His sneakers squeak against the floor as he gets in position to shoot. You cross your fingers, but something is off. His eyebrows are furrowed in something that doesn’t look like concentration, but more like worry. His legs give him the impulse to jump up and soon enough his arms are shooting the ball towards the basket. You watch in disappointment as it hits against the rim and bounces back at him, he catches it with a frustrated click of his teeth. 

The audience has already begun whispering, having never seen the star player miss a shot. 

One of his teammates comes up to give him a fist bump of comfort, Chenle accepts it but still holds a troubled look on his face. The thought crosses your mind that it might  be because of you, it troubles the organ in your chest as much as it warms it. You notice he keeps glancing at a certain part of the bleachers, this is when you know he meant everything and that he surely is waiting for you. 

“Chenle!” You yell, trying to get his attention.

The boy doesn’t look your way, your voice getting lost in constant shouts and chatter from the people in the crowd. You try again, louder this time. Nothing. 

You groan frustratedly, the boy continues the game the best he can, but he’s out of it. You hate to see him like this, a deep hurt in your chest rising up. You cheer for him as loud as you can, deciding it would be better to wait until after the game to see him. 

As the game is coming to an end, Chenle appears to grow more and more tired and absent. Nevertheless, his team scores the winning point and the audience goes wild, including you. Chenle smiles but it doesn’t reach his eyes. 

 You can’t wait to hold him and tell him you forgive him for everything and that everything is going to be okay, and be with him for real this time. To have him be yours and be best friends against, go on nightly drives and have impromptu dance parties, to lay on his bed and count the plastic stars on his ceiling, to kiss him and be close to him. 

And for it to be real.

🏀

Chenle can’t help but feel dejected when your seat was never taken by you. He should’ve known this would happen, that is true but there was a fraction of him that thought you would read his letter and realize how sincere he was, he thought there was a part of you that knew it had been real and there was no way everything he said could've been made up. But he was wrong, and now as he packs his gym bag to go home, he faces the consequences of his high hopes. 

He’s mad, practically throwing his belongings in his bag, he almost throws his phone in the trash can next to him when he hears the ringtone go off. Chenle answers it with an irritated, “What?”

“Hey.” He recognizes your voice that same instant, still he pulls his phone back and makes sure its your caller ID before speaking again. 

“Y/N? Oh my god, hi!” He clears his throat  before repeating himself. “I mean, hi, hey.”

You hold back a laugh, noting his nervousness. “I’m sorry for calling so suddenly.” You decide to tease him, although, unbeknownst to him, you wear standing about 20 feet behind him after finally finding him in the now that the crowd of people has dispersed after the game. 

“No, don’t worry about it. I was actually…” Chenle flicks the zipper of his bag with his nervous fingers, “I was waiting to hear from you.” 

“Were you?” 

“Yeah, I wanted a chance to talk things out with you and uhh… i'm sorry if me asking you to come out to the game was too much or if it made you uncomfortable I didn’t-“

“Chenle.” Your voice cuts his rant short. You internally marvel at the fact that you aren’t the one caught in a nervous ramble for once. “It didn’t make me uncomfortable. I’m here.” 

“You’re here?” Someone clicks in his mind as he frantically looks around him in an effort to find you. When he does, his eyes turn soft and a smile takes over his face. “You came.” 

You nod at him, feeling a bit overwhelmed when you finally make eye contact with him. There are people between you too, Chenle begins to close it as he walks forward. “I did. I just wanted to tell you that I missed you.” 

“I missed you more, I swear on it.” He replies.

Your eyes burn, you wipe them and lighten the mood. “And that Curry would be sad to see you so out of it at a game.” You click your teeth jokingly. “What do you think he would say if he saw you like that cause of a girl?” 

He laughs, “I think he would understand, after I tell him how amazing you are.” 

You blush. “I also wanted to tell you that your jersey smells like you, and I like it.” This makes him beam, speeding up his footsteps that carry him to you. 

“Is that it?” He asks, jokingly. 

“And that I love you, Zhong Chenle. Not the Zhong Chenle that I had a crush on for 3 years and not Number 22 but you. The rawest versions of you. I love all of it and that i forgive you for everything.” He slows his pace in shock, his chest heaving. 

“You mean that?” His voice is wavering and you can see the flush on his cheeks from how close he has gotten. Suddenly, he is taking big steps until he is directly in front of you. He puts his phone down and his pretty eyes look directly into your own. 

Chenle’s face is hopeful, happy and lovestruck. He whispers: “You love me?”

You can only nod, overwhelmed. Chenle smiles wide, you can almost see his molars and his eyes disappear. “Say it.” He says, in a wondrous tone. 

“I love you, Zhong Chenle.” 

“Oh my god, yes!” 

And he’s kissing you, arms wrapping around you and pressing your body against his, his finger grip at the jersey on your body and he moves his lips against yours. Every memory that you have ever shared, every kiss, every touch, and every laughing fit come to your mind. It’s all you can think about as you think about this boy. You don’t think about the bad part, because that doesn’t matter anymore now that Chenle is yours and you are never letting go.

-

4 months later; Graduation 

“Chenle! Come on!” Jisung yells as he sees the boys floppy newly dyed orange hair amongst the crowd of people. 

You were all posed for a picture, blue cap and gowns adorning your bodies and your parents huddle you together for a picture. “I’m coming!”

Your boyfriend appears from the crowd with his cap in his hand along with a giant bouquet of flowers. He walks directly to you, extending it with a smile. “For you.” 

Your friends start squealing, playful hitting you and Chenle and your parents smirk at each other at the portrayal of young love before them. You cover your face with your hands to hide your blush. Chenle laughs and hugs you to his side. 

“Y/N! Chenle! Pose for the picture!” 

The two of you run to where your other friends are posing, haphazardly getting into the frame and posing crazily. 

The air is full of laughter and youth as the sun begins to set on your time in high school. For a moment, you’re too busy basking in the presence of the relationships you have developed while in there that you forget you won’t be seeing these people every day like you had been for so many years. Or that your lives might take completely different courses and things won’t be the same after this. Instead you allow yourself to enjoy this moment. 

🏀

You do think about it when you are on your way home though, in the passenger’s seat of Chenle’s car. His hand holds yours over the gear and he smiles to himself while humming along to the songs on the radio, unaware of the internal conflict going on in your head. 

It wasn’t until he parks outside your house that he realizes that something is wrong. 

“What is going to happen to us now?” Is your reply to his questioning. Chenle’s eyebrows furrow.

“What do you mean?” 

“I mean-“ you collect your thoughts, “high school is over, and we’re going to go to college and we will be so busy and what if-“ 

“Whatever you think will happen, won’t happen.” 

You look at him, offended that he could dismiss your worries so easily. “You don’t un-“ 

“I do understand. You’re worried that now that we won’t see each other every day that we’re going to drift apart, right? And that we won’t be together, am I right?” 

You nod silently. 

“Y/N, how many times am I going to tell you that I’m crazy in love with you? I won’t let you slip out of my hands, baby. Not again.” Chenle says firmly, sincerely. His eyes widen so you can see right through him and know he is telling the truth. 

His pale hands come up to cup the sides of your face, making you face him. Your tear filled eyes meet his own. He brushes away your tear that rolls down your cheek. “I’m sorry, I was just overthinking.” You say.

“Don’t be sorry.” Chenle shakes his head, leaning forward to kiss your cheek lovingly, letting it linger for a few seconds before pulling back. Smiling upon seeing your smiling face. 

It happens in a flash, now that the moment was right. Chenle gasps, starling you. “What?! What’s wrong?!”

“I love this song!” And he’s turning it up all the way on the car radio, rolling down the windows and stepping out. “Come on, Y/N!” 

You don’t let him see the pure happiness on your face that you wanted to mask with annoyance. Chenle dances on the sidewalk crazily and you laugh in the passenger’s seat. You decide it was best to not let your boyfriend embarrass himself alone, wiping the excess of your tears and step out of the car. “M’lady has arrived to the dance party!” He exclaims. 

And as you start dancing wildly together, the sun begins to set causing a golden hue to fall over your features. Anyone watching the scene could either think that you’re crazy or they will see what is really there: split aparts that have finally found one another. 

Chenle thinks so too, he stops dancing for a bit to catch his breath and just watches you. He remembers the pain it took to make you his, how much you both cried and the beginning of the relationship was far from ideal. But there is no doubt in his mind that there are not enough glow in the dark ceiling stars in this world that will amount to the love he harbors for you in his chest. He was so happy that he had met his split apart, he couldn’t thank the universe enough. 

This when he reaches forward and spins you around to face him. His chest against your own, you feel the rumble of his words from his chest when he says: “I’m so glad I found you.” And then he is kissing you, and the ground seems to melt away from your feet. You’re floating hundreds of feet in air and forget to take a view of your neighborhood from up here because Chenle is all you can think about. Because he makes you feel this way. You whisper in between kisses, he smiles knowingly, he feels it too. 

“We. 

Are.

Off.

Our.

Feet.”

#chenle #zhong chenle #nct dream #nct scenarios #nct dream scenarios #nct #nct 127 #nct 127 scenarios #wayv #wayv scenarios #nct imagines #nct fanfiction #nct fluff #nct angst #nct chenle #nct dream chenle #nct dream fanfiction #nct taeyong #nct mark #nct yuta #kpop fanfiction #kpop scenarios #kpop angst #nct smut #8 letter #nct jisung #jisung park

[greenbriar-j]

5 times the prince crashed the bookstore

and the 1 time the owner(’s grandson) broke into the palace

-

One.

             The first time was an accident. Sort of. Not really.

             Prince Gabriel did need to buy new ink and maybe a new journal to replace the one Gunther accidentally threw into the fountain the last time Gabe escaped the palace. If he was so pressed, though, he could’ve asked one of his attendants to buy it for him.

             So, yeah, it was kind of an accident. Gabriel donned his “commoner” attire, hiding his immediately recognizable curls under a cap. The clothes he wore were bland, but he had the kind of figure that made every outfit stand out. He snuck out through the window, running to the bookstore to get as much time away from his princely duties as possible.

             It was so boring, all of it. The paperwork, the meetings, the girls.

             Full confession: Prince Gabriel loved girls. Adored them. Thought they were the neatest thing to be placed on the planet. He loved the neighboring princesses, their mother queens, the female attendants – he loved women. He could not for a second imagine kissing any of them.

             Kissing Gunther? That, he’d imagined several times before the guard had caught on and assigned him even more paperwork. Fucking Gunther.

             Not, Gabe grimaced, pushing open the door to the bookstore, fucking Gunther. Stop thinking about fucking Gunther. About fucking. In general. … You’re a disgrace of a prince. At least you’re not responsible for producing an heir.

             Because he was the second prince. Because he was responsible for many things, actually, while also not being responsible for a thing at all.

             “Welcome to Vanilla Pages, how can I help you today?”

             The prince’s head whipped to the sound of the voice. It was not the voice he expected to hear, the almost frail, ever-loving voice of the old Asian lady who’d always been here the last few times he came. This voice was rich, masculine, deep – and, oh, the prince was very, very gay for it.

             “Uh,” he said intelligently. “You’re new.”

             The man smiled at him. “I’m not. I’ve worked here every summer since I was ten. Granny gets a little faint in the summer. The heat and all.” A beautiful hand waved in a beautiful, dismissive gesture.

             Gabe had one thought, and it was this: He himself was feeling a little faint this summer. Somehow, behind the broad shoulders filling out the loose shirt, the scruffy ponytail, the calm yet twinkling eyes, the man was undoubtedly a big teddy bear. “Ah,” he said, again the pinnacle of intelligence towering over his whole kingdom. “What’s your name?”

             “It’s impolite to ask for someone’s name without giving yours first,” the man prompts. “Your Highness.”

             Your-? “The disguise is that bad?”

             “If I say so, will it end in a death sentence?”

             Fuck, fuck, fuck. That smile is unfair. What the fuck. “I’ll make sure it doesn’t.”

             “Then yes, it sucks. The name’s Phuong.”

             “Oh, word? Good name.” I did not just say that. Who responds to introductions with oh, word?

             Gabe could not stand to make any more of a scene. This was fun. It was also very embarrassing. He grabbed a journal without really examining it, checking out and running across the street to the bakery.

             Gunther picked him up there after his own round of flirting with the baker’s daughter. There would probably be a wedding soon. Depending. The guard seemed surprised that the prince turned up on his own, but the prince thought nothing of it. He thought nothing at all.

             Not about the name Phuong.

             Not about those broad shoulders and muscular arms left on full display. The wide, toothy grin.

             Not anything at all.

 Two.

             The second time was a detour.

             “Gabe, I mean this in the most respectful way, but if you do not finish writing a birthday card to the prince of [other kingdom, idk], we will be having a war council within the month.”

             “Gunther, he can’t even read. Why does it matter?” Tossing his head back and stretching his legs out, he acted like the brat he only was for Gunther.

             The guard delivered a withering glare without adjusting his rigid stance. Even the prince has to admit that Gunther seemed to be experiencing physical repercussions for his job. In just a month, the prince had aged his friend by a year, or so it seemed.

             Reluctantly, Gabe held in every protest dangling on the edge of his tongue and penned a birthday note to the two year old prince. “We have to deliver this in person?”

             “Yes.”

             Gabe groaned. He could not think of a prospect he hated more. In a month, he had not managed to gather enough poise to revisit his beloved Phuong at the bookstore. He merely whimpered the name in his sleep, according to an unusually smug Gunter. And now, to be separated by this meaningless trek?

             “To the post, Gabe. Not to [neighboring kingdom].”

             Ever the model prince, Gabriel drew himself upright immediately. “The post, you say,” he repeated regally. “The one three streets away from the bookstore.”

             “That’s the one.” His guard, his best friend, smiled tightly. “I intend to propose along the way, and your stringing this out is not helping my nerves.”

             His royal eyes wider than saucers, Gabe ruffled all of his curls in distress and excitement. “Propose! Why didn’t you say so, you big baboon?”

             “You were sulking, Highness.” Gunther’s smile is wry, only a little amused.

             “I most certainly was not. Agh, let’s go, let’s go, let’s go.”

             In his rush, he sustained more injury to his hands that day than he had in the past year.

 -

             “So…” Phuong glanced at Gabe’s hands, a quick flicker of dark brown eyes. “What happened to your hands?”

             Prince Gabriel hid the offending bandaged digits behind his back. “A mishap while writing the world’s most useless letter.”

             “Oh?”

             “Its recipient can’t even read. OH!” Without thinking, Gabe grabbed at Phuong’s shirt, tugging in his hasty excitement. “He’s doing it, he’s-!”

             He turned, only to find his face alarmingly close to Phuong’s. Why was the other man looking at him anyway? Did it matter?

             The moment was broken too soon by a holler across the street. “GABE! SHE SAID YES!”

             “OF COURSE SHE DID, YOU BABOON!” He fired back, pretending not to feel the heat rising inside him from the sudden close proximity. “He’s going to look so hot at his wedding,” Gabe muttered dreamily, still clinging with bandaged fingertips to Phuong’s shirt.

             “I have something for you,” Phuong said suddenly. “I wasn’t sure when you would come back, but I have something.”

             It was the best news the prince had heard all day. Seeing Phuong while getting his work done and receiving a gift? Only the gods could provide such a setup.

             He was right, for once, that it was too good to be true. Phuong deposited a box of fanmail in the prince’s arms and turned away without a word.

 Three.

             The third time was a disaster.

             “Did you read them?” Phuong asked after the initial pleasantries had been exchanged.

             “The letters?” Gabe leaned on the counter. “Burned them.” He grinned, but back-pedaled when the joke falls flat.

             Phuong swallowed, then busied himself wiping down the counter. “You burned them?”

             “If I read every piece of fanmail I ever got, I wouldn’t survive, Phuong.”

             “I see. I suppose- No, never mind.”

             While he hadn’t burned them, Gabe hadn’t read them either. He had no reason to read confessions of love from women who didn’t stand a chance with him because 1) he didn’t like women like that and 2) he only had a certain pool of suitors to choose from. This thing he was perpetuating with Phuong… It would burn him eventually. But Phuong was still very, very hot, and Gabe was still very, very gay.

             There was no promise of reciprocated anything from the clerk. He was simply doing his job, and Gabe was just a guy that came in a little too often for a little too long. That was all.

             “What’s this about, then? Was there one I should have read? Is it from your sister?”

             “I don’t have a sister.”

             “Your cousin?”

             “Your Highness,” Phuong looks at him, finally. Gabe doesn’t enjoy it, though. Not the way the address comes out so clinical, so distant. “All the letters had the same handwriting. My handwriting.”

             The prince’s throat goes dry. “What?” He whispers.

             “I’m closing the shop early today,” the other man responds in that same distant voice. “You’ll need to leave, Your Highness.”

             Stunned, Gabe returns to the palace.

 -

             Each of the letters is one sentence long.

I hope this finds you well, Your Highness.

 The stars in your eyes shine brighter than mine, yet belong to the same single sky.

You’re a brat.

Gunther came to the bakery today; I’m strangely disappointed by your absence.

A heartless one, you turned out to be.

The stars in your eyes shine on different continents than mine, it seems.

 Foolish of me to write letters to someone I’ve only met once.

Why do I think of you so often, my most hated daydream?

              There’s one for every day of the month Gabe avoided Vanilla Pages.

             “Gunther?” He calls into the air. A maid scurries in instead, apologizing for the absence of his guard, a different guard trailing in behind her. “It’s fine. Will you bring me some alcohol?”

 Four.

             The fourth time was a mistake.

             The very same night, a very drunk Gabe stumbled through the streets. It would be a prime night for assassination, if anyone wanted to put him out of his misery. A shame that no one did.

             Mindless feet guided him back to the bookstore. Fruitlessly, he banged on the shut and bolted door.  

             An angry Gunther dragged him home, and Phuong was never the wiser.

 Five.

             The fifth time was purposeful.

            “Your engagement was decided today.”

             Hollow-eyed, Prince Gabriel blinked at the captain of his guard – a married man now. The wedding had been beautiful. As expected. “My what?”

             “Your engagement, Highness. She’s a very pretty woman, if it’s any consolation.”

             “It’s not.”

             “Phuong is also in very bad shape, if it’s any consolation. Rea said so.”

             “It’s not.” The words came muffled by the pair of hands covering the prince’s face. It was enough that he felt bad about everything. There was really no reason both of them should feel awful. “Gunther, clear my schedule for the next hour. I’m going to the bookstore.”

             “You’re engaged now.”

             “I’m aware. Betrothed men ought to tell other suitors when they’re off the market.”

             The intention is clear, and Gunther seems upset. Unreasonably so. “Your Highness-”

             “I have to, Gunther. I’m going to make him hate me so he can move on faster.”

             “But you-”

             “I always knew how this would end. It’s okay. I’m okay.”

             He was anything but okay. He was gay and in love and engaged to a beautiful woman who deserved the kind of love he could never give her because he was gay and desperately in love with someone else.

             Each solemn step of the way, he bid farewell to each part of the man he had inexplicably grown to love. Goodbye, beautiful hair. Goodbye, kind heart. Goodbye, brown eyes. Goodbye, biceps; goodbye, thighs. Goodbye, hands. Goodbye, stupid love letters.

             He walked in, announced his engagement to the ground, and fled before he could see the other man’s reaction.

 One.

             Phuong considered his life in chapters.

             They were typically large, vague categories of his life that were boring and tedious to live through. Childhood. Teenage years. Adulthood. Gabe. It was only this latest chapter that made any difference in anything he thought.

             Before Gabe, life was dull. Every day, the same. After him, every day was painful – but the good kind of painful that perhaps would lead to something. The second prince bore the name of the messenger of the lord, and that had to count for something, didn’t it?

             Apparently not. For Gabe to cut him off so quickly… If he had hoped to give Phuong any kind of conclusion about what they were and what they meant to each other, he failed spectacularly.

             After milling around Rea’s bakery for half the day, he finally called in his favor. “Rea, can I… Uhm…”

             “If you wait until sundown, Gunther will come home for dinner, and he can take you straight to the brat himself,” she replied before he finished the thought. “Just tell him how you feel, and if it goes bad, you can have free cakes for a week.”

             “I’ll get fat and unattractive.”

             “Honey,” she said in that pitying tone he’d so hoped to avoid.

             “Can I… Have a free cake now?”

 -

             Prince Gabriel and Gabe were very different people, and while Phuong had known this, it didn’t really dawn on him until he saw it with his own two eyes.

             Gabe – his Gabe – smiled and laughed at everything, had horrible posture because he was always trying to get that tiny bit closer to Phuong, and dressed horribly because he thought it’d work as a disguise.

             Prince Gabriel wore tailored clothes that made Phuong a little dizzy because of how they accentuated a man who didn’t need accentuating at all. Prince Gabriel spoke with authority and walked with it, too. He oozed it.

             Phuong didn’t know if this made his job any easier.

             The moment the door shut behind him, the prince groaned and stretched and stripped off his clothes from the day. He flopped face-first on the bed like a child and immediately called for the captain of his guard.

             “Is it okay that I’m here instead?” Phuong said softly.

             Unexpectedly, the prince jumped ten feet in the air. “Phuong?”

             A complicated series of expressions crossed the prince’s face. He looked like he wanted to be upset, but couldn’t, and in the end, he started to cry, reaching for Phuong with grabby hands and a bleeding heart. What a foolish prince, to wound himself like this, when he really didn’t need to be wounded at all.

             “Your eyes shine with stars that are different from mine, but they share the same sky,” Phuong murmured, climbing into the prince’s bed and pulling him into a clumsy embrace. “If you had read that, I thought you’d have understood.”

             “It’s not the same as telling me upfront. I can’t bank my decisions on I think.”

             “I know.”

             And the prince only cried more. This was all his heart had ever wanted, but it still didn’t tell his mind what to do. Could he afford to forfeit his engagement? Would he have to forfeit Phuong again, knowing what he knew now?

             He didn’t know. He didn’t care yet. It was hard to care with Phuong’s finger sliding through his curls, with feathery touches of lips to his forehead.

             “Gabe.”

             “Hm?”

             “I really, really like you. But I get it if you still have to let me go.”

             Gabe tightened his arms around Phuong. “I won’t. I don’t want to.”

             “Okay.”

Spoiler alert: I have no idea how to actually end this but I believe they figure out their way to get together and live happily ever after bc that was the whole point of this but I really can’t be bothered to write it out whoops

[prinxlyart]

God bless ya for providing your perfect takes on Willumity! If anyone hasn't beaten me to it, I would like to ask your headcanon on how their relationship would start, and how do you think thwir children would be! Oh, and on another ship, how you think Boschlow would unfold?

My heart is too full for this, I need to dump it all out into this post

Hmmm, their relationship could start any number of ways. I don’t have a favorite that I can pull from my imagination. My sad angsty polyamorous heart wants there to be a lot of sad tension between all of them (Willow is upset because she can clearly see that Luz and Amity like each other, why would either of them pay attention to her?? // Amity is upset because Luz was able to befriend Willow so easily and so quickly and they were immediately affectionate with one another on the first day they met. They deserve to be happy together without Amity ruining it or having her overbearing last name hanging over them. // Luz is upset because she’s helped Willow and Amity rekindle their broken friendship and watched it blossom into potentially something more?? She’s so scared she’s going to be left behind again. She’s had friends in the past that ditched her once they became closer to one another. Luz is downright terrified that it’s going to happen again. ) [projecting?????? Whose projecting I’m not projecting]

I feel like if anything, the dam would break what with all these unresolved romantic feelings bearing down on them all. I don’t know who would break first, but whoever she broke in front of would let her know she needs to speak to the other two about it ASAP. Because if worse comes to worst, they’ll gently reject you and insist you all remain friends. None of them would break off their friendships with one another due to unreciprocated feelings.

Once they do sit down and confess their feelings for one another they all just. Start crying in utter relief. They don’t have to lose anyone, and even better, they like me back.

RE: Kids? I have no idea. I’ve never been one for fan kids much, I usually leave that to others and appreciate it when someone makes one I actually like. I think the only thoughts I’d have on them having kids would be that these three would be the Most Supportive Parents in the world with an even more supportive network of grandparents. Like. Any kids they have will be adored so much they might accidentally smother the poor thing(s).

I feel like Luz and Willow would insist they have more than one kid (if they do decide to have kids). Neither of them have siblings and grew up rather lonely as a result. They don’t want that for any kids they might raise. Amity is only a little reluctant to agree because she grew up with Edric and Emira, but ultimately agrees with her wives that that would be best.

Oh, and family gatherings at holidays would be so fucking chaotic oh my god. They either need to enlist the help of someone in the construction coven to expand a portion of their house or consider renting out a public space if they all say they’re going to come because there’s just so many people. Absolute Chaos. Luz adores the family gatherings because she always wanted to be part of a big family and now she is.

They tend to stress Amity out only because of the amount of planning and cooking to be done, but ultimately ends up enjoying herself (it’s still weird to see her parents attend these gatherings and playing with her children and wait- did dad just sneak her some of the dessert?!?! UGH, she’ll be awake for hours thanks dad).

Willow also loves the family gatherings but gets easily overwhelmed by the amount of people in attendance. She’s the one that would go one by one with everyone that came and just spend some time with them, catching up until the conversation naturally flows to the next person. She has now idea how Luz can ping pong off the walls with the energy she does, but she’s always admired that about Luz. It also tickles her heart and makes her feel warm and fuzzy inside whenever Luz’s pinballing ends up aimed at her because Luz will always put both hands on Willow’s shoulders, give her a kiss on the cheek and check in with her. Once they’ve confirmed they’re both doing okay, Luz will kiss her cheek again and kinda nuzzle their heads together before she’s off to talk with someone else. Luz does the same thing with Amity and even still after all these years, it reduces Amity to a blushing mess. Anyone around that witnesses it either coos at how cute they are or gags at the display of affection (take your pick at who lol).

You can’t just ask me to switch gears right in the middle of domestic fluff and just rewind way back to potential Boschlow stuff oh man. Let’s see....I personally am a huge proponent of Boscha getting her act together, not related to her feelings for anyone, before she tries to pursue Willow. Whether or not Willow is part of the process of her changing for the better can be up to you. But Boscha has a lot of stuff she needs to sort out before I let her anywhere near my plant daughter Willow.

I actually follow a couple fics dedicated to exactly that. Jackal’s Ladder was REALLY good and has finished! Idk if the author is going to continue it as a series but I’ve got my fingers crossed 🤞. The New Normal is another favorite of mine. It really looks into what bothers Boscha and makes her the bully she is, tears it all down, and makes her build herself back up. And she’s not doing it to please anyone. She’s just doing it for herself. (But then there’s tiny hints of Boschlow on the horizon that I’m super eager for).

All in all, I think Boscha is an interesting character and could have a great relationship with Willow; she just needs to get her shit together first. Idk how it would happen tbqh, but maybe Willow sees how hard Boscha is trying at being a better person? Maybe she sees Boscha doing something genuinely kind to someone else like helping an elderly witch at the market? Idk, something soft like Amity reading to kids that proves that she’s actually doing this “being better” thing for herself and not for an audience that she’s trying to fool. I think at that point Willow genuinely believes Boscha is trying and is encouraging her in her efforts, even going as far as extending an olive branch so they can try being friends. Willow’s curious about the person Boscha is when she’s not a bully. And now that she knows for certain that she’s not lying or doing this for some kind of cookie points, she’s willing to put in the effort.

I think it’d be very fun to watch Willow realize Boscha has a crush on her and then use that to flirt with her mercilessly. Because she does kinda sorta reciprocate those feelings?? But she’s still not certain of them yet. And it’s so much fun to watch Boscha turn the same color as her hair. So until she sorts out those feelings, she’s just gonna flirt relentlessly with her until something changes.

#prinxly inquiries #wam-hope #the owl house #willumity #boschlow #hot diggety this turned into another long one

[mykyeonrye]

okay so new smoothie shop opens up in the distance as you’re driving on a small road

construction hasn’t fully finished yet and they slowly start to add a second floor that sort of branches off the top, it’s smaller , sort of like a playpen that seems to be floating in the sky

the main character has an odd feeling about this , something has happened to him before which gives him the paranoid idea this seemingly innocent shop is meant for something more sinister

the mc goes book shopping to commemorate the arrival of this new small business / he decides to met a friend here for drinks and to present her the gift

the girl either resembles erin or reminds me of her or there’s just an overal feeling that it could be here

i present her the book which is supposed to tie into the name of the new smoothie shop or whatever this place is even though i don’t think she was working there we were just meeting up for fun

i honestly don’t remember how this whole thing progresses i just remember like not being served anything for a really long time and it being confusing

and then suddenly erin is like irrelevant now?? and i guess my sister + another person(?) i think???? i thought they were a human but at the end they were just replaced by tanner so idk

but in the distance i can see this odd looking enclosure in the back, it’s an open room connected with two stories , both with a wall facing me made of see through glass like a cage , no furtiniture , just dark wood floors and walls, and then a stair case in the middle sort of creating a balcony/ upstairs part type thing that hangs over the rest of the room

then this lady comes by i guess and traps maddy and tanner into this flesh sucking cacoons and i’m petrified i’m shaking i’m screaming because even though i was paranoid that something awful would happen here, i still wasn’t actually suspecting it would happen 100% because usually my suspicions are all in my head so i’m having a melt down, it’s not clear what she wants to do to them but in the dream i have this feeling that THIS HAS HAPPENED BEFORE??? LIKE SOMEONE HAS TRAPPED MY FRIENDS IN CACOONS FOREVER WTF like there’s also this sense that the cacoons are impossible to break and if you’re trapped in one you’re trapped forever so i’m trying to cope with the idea that i might never see my sister again and it’s awful

but then i find that they want to do something even worse with me, i don’t know if it was just imprison and torture me like for fun or if they were going to pump my blood out like for the smoothies or something??? idk or like they were going to r*pe me and make me have their babies which is like my worst fear (i’m a guy) it just grosses me tf out and like the lady has a guy partner and he seems sweeter like even if he’s evil he’d be (?) playful nice yk??

or like maybe they just wanted to keep me as their sex slave i think(?)

like i would flirt with him trying to get him to go easy on me and he would reciprocate sort of??

like idk but i ended up escaping and i see the lady cutting open maddy’s leg and i’m worried that she’s going to like harvest her(?) or like i know that if she cuts anymore then maddy will be cursed to stay trapped in the cacoon forever or if she dies first, so i have to kill someone in the cacoons for maddy and tanner to be set free

so i end up having to cut a dying pigs head off 🙁🙁 it was disgusting and really sad and really bloody but that’s all i remember...

#dream log #dreams #kyle speaks!

[h1kari]

heyyy if personal ships are open may i have a haikyuu male one please? i’m nadi, i’m a girl with black hair that’s bleached underneath, tan skin, and brown eyes. i’m 5’1 and i make up for my lack of height with a kind of tough personality. i don’t have a filter and i can be brutally honest. i love teasing everyone and everything but that’s just how i show my affection (literally no one is safe). i’m pretty impulsive as well, and i’m always willing to sneak out to go do random things (going on a walk/skateboarding at 2 am?? yES). i’m not really sure what my aesthetic is, i just wear what i want to wear (which is a lot of baggy clothes and little shirt+ big pants fits). i skateboard, write, sketch/paint, and do stick and pokes. i also play guitar, ukulele, and cello and i sing. i can and will make oddly specific playlists for people. my comfort anime is attack on titan lmao and i love horror movies so much just because i love picking it apart until it’s a comedy. i’m a setter in my volleyball team (which is just my friends and i) and i’ve been playing since i was 11. i have a god awful sleeping schedule and spend way too much time simping over 2d characters and sending shitty memes to my friends. i’m also kind of blind when it comes to people liking me?? i always think that they’re my friends and i joke around with them but sometimes they’re flirting and i honestly can’t tell nor can i reciprocate because i simply do not know how to flirt. i’m an enfp, a slytherin, and a cancer. thank you so much for reading this long ass request ily for it <<33

(the gif would be him being confused about Feelings ™) OKAY so this one was kinda hard to choose ngl, i was between tsuki, nishinoya or yamaguchi (idk, the whole soft boy x badass girl seemed cute) but the winner is 🥁🥁🥁 tsukishima!

Alright, let’s get to it: tsukishima at first would be pretty aloof and mean, i mean of course he’a gonna throw salty commenta your way, he’s the tsukishima kei!! However you don’t take them to heart, you even tease him back, and this whole bickering and teasing back and forth starts to be a...consistent thing, sort to speak. It’s in your blood to flick tsuki’s glasses and it’s in his to use your head as an armrest. Though, something ‘weird’ starts happening to our dino boy, he starts craving to see you more, talk to you besides poking fun, actually getting to know you more. He keeps it to himself ofc, if he told his brother he’d implode and embarass him. And telling his team is an absolute nono. So what does this dumb fuck do!! He represses his feelings and pushes you away (excuse the angst) which leaves you confused as fuck and in the process makes you realize that FUCK YOU LIKE TSUKISHIMA KEI, so you’re processing that and get tired of waiting so YOU👏 TAKE 👏ACTIONS👏 one day after a series of events, those being tsukishima ignoring you even if it pains him, you go up to him and just ask him “what’s your deal lately?” His mind is “????????” And he just mutters “nothing” (wow tsuki, so convincing) so you with your pair of lady balls say “alright, then if it’s nothing will you hang out w me this weekend?” Inside you’re losing your shit but trying to keep them nerves inside. Your mans speechless what have you done “..sure” so YAY NOW YOU’RE GOOD

alrigh angst is over im sorry 😭 sO i feel like tsuki is head over heels over your teasing, tough and impulsive nature. Sure he will most defenitely act as if he’s annoyed most of the time but he lowkey highkey loves it. You get him out of his comfort zone, taking him to late night 3am adventures like going up some hills to see the stars, buying snacks, making random ass picnics at the dead of night, etc. Now he’s confused if he doesn’t get at least 1 late night adventure with you. And when you’re not out exploring, you stay at home in your pjs and watch movies, he’s pleased at how you laugh your ass off at terrifying scenes lowkey finds it hot 👀 He also really really loves your honest self, he’s 100% a no bullshit type of person, he can rely on you, and he doesn’t question your feelings for him as much as he thought he would. He needs someone who can bring him down of his high horse, but also help him up when he’a feeling like trash, and no better person than you

DATE IDEASS WHOOP (besides the midnight adventures) you teaching him how to skateboard 🥺🥺 he’s like no❤️ but ofc you convince him so he’s kinda scared at first but trying not to show it, you hold his hand and even if he’s embarrassed he loves being babied from time to time 😭💞 if he falls you’ll fix him up with dino bandages✨ ALSO ya’ll love making playlists for each other and listening to them together, or making one you can share and playing it while you cuddle and talk or study. Okok so this doesnt count as a date but imagine you both going to each other’s volleyball matches!!! Him wearing your jersey number and/or flag/school colors!! And you doing the same!!! He’s just so proud of you, he feels like he’s glowing (“you’re way better than the king”) imagine you seeing him smile proudly when you guys score!! Bro this mans just so impressed w you like how could he not??? You do art in visual AND musical form?? You’re beautiful and have a stunning personality?? You love volleyball just like him?? You help and support him?? Dream come true

I hope you liked it!! Thank you so much for the submission and i hope you have an amazing day/night (also ily2🥺) try not to stay up too late lovely!!🥰💞

#ships #ship #personalized ships #personalized ship #tsukishima kei #tsukishima #tsukishima x reader #x reader #x you #you #reader #tsukishima kei x reader #kei tsukishima x reader #tsuki x reader #tsukki x reader #tsukki #tsuki #hq #hq!! #hq x reader #hq!! x reader #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu!! x reader #haikyuu #haikyuu!! #anime #anime x reader

[vlovers19]

Heya! I just read the post from Marie and your response that got me interested. I was actually gonna post something similar to Marie asking whether Jimin likes Tae. Cuz let's be honest, if you look objectively, Tae likes Jimin, or judging by his song Scenery and Sweet Night he might even be in love with him. But when I observe Jimin I'm confused on whether he likes him back. I know they consider each other soulmates but what other proof shows that he likes V like that. He literally flirts with everyone so you cannot really use that as proof. Also, like Marie stated, if he liked V then wouldn't he slow down the flirting? Especially if he knows how V feels for him which i'm sure he does cuz there are moments when Jimin catches V staring at him in a not so platonic way. That being said, shouldnt Jimin be a bit more considerate of Tae's feelings if he really liked him back? V also seems like the jealous type with the way he responds to Jimin's flirting. I guess I do see some sort of progress from Jimin I guess in 2020  but idk. TBH vmin just looks like a one sided love. Either that or Jimin might like him back but like you said he is the type who needs a lot of love and affection. Although I know V feels deeply for Jimin I don't think that's his style. I do see V trying harder this year though. But idk, that's just how I see things. 

Jimin is my bias so yeah I love him to bits so not tryna attack him or V. I see things pretty objectively too and out of all the ships based on what I've observed, vmin is the closest to actually being real only if the feelings are reciprocated. Love to hear your thoughts though. Thank you.

********************

Like I've always said, we keep judging people based on what we see outside. Based on the parts they choose to show to us and because of this, we already deduce people's feelings, thinking that Taehyung is in a one sided love because Jimin flirts with a lot of people and doesn't seem to notice Taehyung's feelings. I'm not going to say the reason why Jimin does this. I'm just going to attribute this to his natural behavior because I believe they are not dating and Jimin is free to flirt if he wants to but at the end of the day, he knows who his soulmate is and if I'm going to use what I see on camera, then I can show you that it isn't only Taehyung that looks at Jimin with love filled eyes. He does too.

There are several more of these but we don't see this because Vmin shippers aren't that much and many of them are actually lazy to highlight these things and even if we do, with time, people forget things. Many vminers are just content to see them having moments so hardly anyone makes analysis or looks deeper into things that's why we always see videos about Tae longing for Jimin or staring at him when he isn't looking but it's never the other way around. I will love to do that but I'm also quite lazy to do so and I'm not such a fan of making analysis based on what I see on TV. I'd rather make analysis based on my feelings and off camera interactions.

It's not as if Jimin's expressions aren't there, it's just that people don't look hard enough and also there's not enough people who actually care to look. If we actually rid ourselves of biasness, we will discover things we didn't expect. Unfortunately, the love we have for one particular member or one particular ship makes us unable to see that.

And I think him declaring Taehyung his soulmate is all the proof we need to show that he likes him. In fact, it's the highest proof. A soulmate is someone you share the deepest connection with. Someone who completely understands you when no one else does. Someone who will always stand by your side when no else is beside you. Someone who will love you unconditionally despite all your faults.

Unfortunately, because Vmin has been identified with this strong bonding word, many people have tried to downplay it making it look like it's really nothing when we all know, it's not so. No one calls another person their soulmate except you have a very strong bond with that person and you completely trust that person enough to call them that. You can't call someone your soulmate so randomly. Is it until they kiss people will take them seriously? (Cough. They will never do that)

They have expressed their emotions all in subtle ways. They have been there for each other, they are best friends, comforted each other during their trying times, (Jimin especially in public). Showed love for their individual projects (Jimin mostly). They have fought with each other and reconciled again. Jimin has said these words to Taehyung. 'i want to be your strength''i want to be with you even after we've become grandpas' They have mentioned their need to stay together even after the cheers have ended (even after BTS has disbanded), They wish to serve in the military together. They want to travel together but never quite get a chance according to them. They miss each other when they are apart. They especially hold hands every chance they get (It gets me every time) I don't know, what else do people want?

Everyone has their own opinions. However, this is mine and everyone is welcome to believe it or not. Thank you for this ask. Have a great day.

[daisy--sorbet]

heyyy, hope you’re having a good night!! if you have the energy and feel okay answering, what’s up w taz graduation? i haven’t checked it out yet but i was thinking ab it. just asking bc you’re the first person i saw talk ab the show having serious issues, but also feel free to not answer this!! hope you have a good week!

i took a nice hot bath, had a strawberry kiwi capri-sun, and did a nice face mask and i’m feeling pretty good - so, y’know what anon? let’s talk about it. 

for anyone who likes taz grad who sees this post: it’ll be tagged with “taz grad hate” (although i feel hate is definitely a very strong word - it’s for the simplicity of tagging it) - so please block the tag if you don’t want to see this post (especially because i put a readmore on a post before and it didn’t show up on mobile and instead gave the full post). mobile tumblr has a tag blocking system, so please feel free to use it! i don’t mind haha

anyway, so this is... probably going to be a lost post, and i wanna go ahead and preface it: this absolutely isn’t any hate on the mcelroys themselves. i love the brothers and their dad a lot, and while i doubt any of them would ever see this (or have it sent to them, or shown to them, because im pretty sure they try to distance themselves from this sort of thing), i just want to make it clear that criticizing a product is different than bashing a person. which brings me to the point of if i do end up sounding as if im bashing someone - please call me out on it! it’s not my intention to target anyone.

with that said, let’s talk about this campaign.

so my problems are as thus: the railroading, the shipping (a fandom problem, but it’s present in the podcast), the NPCs, and some misc problems others have addressed better than i have.

which. i know. that’s basically the entire podcast. (i promise i’ll bring up some positive points to balance it all out). keep in mind i’ve only personally listened to... what, six episodes? and it was enough for me to drop it. some people dropped it first ep, some dropped it ep four, and others are still forcing themselves to listen.

the railroading

there was a time i could handle travis and his railroading [making sure the story goes exactly the way he has planned], because it was the very beginning of the podcast and that’s what you can kind of expect from a plot-heavy podcast. hell, i wouldn’t mind it if the interactions and goofs weren’t a huge part of why i listen to TAZ in particular (which, by the way, is why amnesty still stuck out to me - even if there was a direction griffin wanted to push them towards, the interactions between the players (or players and npcs) made up for any railroading). it’s kind of hard to not railroad a little when it’s story-heavy and you’re trying to built up a world that you’ve put a lot of thought into. however, a huge part of d&d is the spontaneity. 

it’s kind of why i think balance was so popular. while there was railroading towards the end, there was the presence of improv that made it all good. most mcelroy content is enjoyed because of the goofs. the magic brian moment is memorable. the jenkin’s fight still stands out because it was funny (albeit a result of some bad rolls). the boys teasing angus sticks out because the four would play well off of each other. even without that - griffin had talked about how he had to roll with things (the fact he had planned for a fight atop the train, but ditched the idea for what his family members came up with instead). even in amnesty, a couple moments that stick out to me still are ned with the jetpack taking out a pizza hut sign, and the scene with the water where jake was trapped inside. they aren’t as fun, but they still stand out as “things i didnt expect to really end the way they did.”

with grad, it’s just. one after another. the thundermen want to subpoena a xorn? cool, let’s run with that until actually the xorn gets fed rocks and goes home and who cares about the subpoena now. fitzroy wants to keep his cloak? lets talk about it for a while and you also get no rolls to even try to keep it. fitzroy goes to meet higglemas in his office? oh, why are you here fitzroy? im going to keep asking you until you answer fitzroy? you arent getting out of this scene until you answer me, fitzroy, so just tell me why you’re here already, alright, fitzroy? 

and even later in a episode i read a transcript of: hey argo, remember how you have this whole secret motivation? fuck you, im gonna talk about it here in your dream and reveal it to listeners and remove any tension you had building up, and you dont get a choice to talk about it because this all-knowing villain knows all about it :)

and even NOW in the latest episode, there’s a comment that “we should cap argo’s skills here” instead of just... making the checks higher. rogues are good at certain things and usually arent the best in battles. better hope argo never makes it to level 11, because who knows how people are gonna handle the fact that he gets a skill that’ll make it so certain skills can’t have a roll below 10 (reliable talent). 

(griffin, thankfully, calls travis out for that, but still - travis, why would you even imply that, considering you should be aware of how rogues work considering magnus multiclassed into rogue and you played one on tiny heist?)

and in the newest episode, their Big Bad chaos (which, god, i personally hate that name) straight-out says “dont do this” to the thundermen. travis tries to say, on twitter, “a character saying “dont do this” is different than me saying it” but i need to point out that it’s one thing if you’ve said “no” in character but worked with the PCs doing otherwise, but the railroading says differently.

the shipping

ill try to make this quick, because it’s nothing to do with the fandom (ship however you want, man) - but i really feel the need to draw attention to this.

fitzroy, as confirmed by griffin in a ttazz episode, is asexual. not aroace, but ace nonetheless. and i find it... troublesome that the idea of rainer and fitzroy having a relationship is still pushed nonetheless, despite the fact that fitzroy (to my knowledge) was never once shown to reciprocate any feelings. not to be that person, but i really hope that grad doesnt have any sort of romantic relationships in it (at least - not between NPCs and PCs unless they’re actually like... warranted?). 

i dont know, man. one of my closest friends is ace, and i know she wants a relationship, but i think it would reassure her a lot to see an ace character who isn’t pushed into one in case she ever changes her mind. someone once mentioned that they hope fi/tz/ra/in doesnt happen because theres relationships that have that “oh, you can just date” and it goes upwards there to “oh, you can have sex just to please them <3″  (which, to be honest, is kind of a gross mindset - if someone isnt interested, they arent interested).

also, uh, the TTAZZ where griffin states this, there’s kind of the mention tht the whole sexuality question was posed in relation to the episode “creative thinking” (the dream one i mentioned earlier) - which. uh. i don’t know if anyone caught this, but... rainer straight-up wrote fitzroy a letter in the dream like “are you going to accept my proposal? a girl doesn’t like to be left waiting” which. leaves me with some gross feelings because uh.

if... if the whole thing about fitzroys sexual orientation was addressed here, then why would you push your ship anyway? feels kinda iffy, man.

to which i want to say: fitzroy can date. he’s allowed to date. griffins allowed to do whatever he wants with his character. but when a lot of the flirting is met with nothing, i’m not gonna see the chemistry there. just because travis ships it doesn’t mean it’s canon.

the npcs

ah yes. lets talk about the npcs.

there’s... a lot. a lot a lot. i think travis trimmed down how many were present in a scene, but uh. there’s still a lot. and... uh... i kinda wish there wasn’t?

look, i know im going back to balance/amnesty, but just. hang in there for a moment. chill with me. vibe. 

balance didnt have too many NPCs present at all times in each mini-arc. gerblins had some big names like barry, klarg, gundren, killian, yeemick, and magic brian. rockport limited had angus, jess, graham the juicy wizard jenkins, and all of the tom bodetts mentioned. 

amnestys first arc had mama, barclay, jake, dani, pigeon, kirby, minerva, and that was about it for like. big names? and not all of them were present in each scene. 

in the first episode of grad alone: gary, hernandez, jimson, rolandus, zana, rhodes, buckminster eden, rainer, leon, tomas, hieronymous, higglemas, stuart, jackle, bartholomeus, mulligan, groundsy, germaine/victoria/rattles (the skeleton crew). and those are the ones i wrote down (minus groundsy, who i just. ignores. idk him).

like holy shit, my english prof got onto me for having too many characters in my first chapter and i didnt even have half the amount listed there! 

it’s just a huge cast. does this take place in a school? yes! theres bound to be a lot of students present - but you don’t have to name every single one of them, at least not in the first episode!

the miscellaneous

i don’t know if travis ever actually addressed it, but wheelchair users have actually like... said that rainer’s introduction bothered them, because she was like “please ask me abt my wheelchair :)” when travis saying she was in an ornate chair would have sufficed. 

uh. the colonization vibes people have discussed within the centaur arc. mentioned here, the replies here, and this post (and its replies) here as well.

the overall lack of d&d when the campaign was kind of advertised as a return to d&d if i remember correctly

also no one seems to be taking literally any criticism at all which like. ignoring the petty shit, sure, but people have stopped donating to taz and their listener-ship must have dropped some during this entire time - you’d think that maybe someone could say “we need to find out why people dont like the thing and fix the thing” consider this is. yknow. their livelihood.

anyway uhhh 

tl;dr: travis railroads way too much (even now), the shipping in-game has become pushy and gross (especially bc its shoving a relationship onto an asexual character), theres too many npcs that dont stand out well enough, and no ones taking any criticism about the major issues with grad. 

#taz grad hate #taz graduation hate #Anonymous #ok im gonna go to sleep now goodnight #maybe ill wake up to hate tbh that'll be wild

[arofili]

🏳️‍🌈 for bilbo and a our Lego man

Bilbo: okay so our Confirmed Bachelor bilbo baggins will always be aroace to me tbh. but like i said in the thorin ask, i can get down on bagginshield (im very particular about how i portray it, but im not so bothered with other people’s depictions) & of course gay bilbo hc’s are extremely good and valid.

i don’t think bagginshield could work as a long-term relationship, really, so i like to explore long-distance and/or arospec versions of that ship? so i’ve had the lithromantic bilbo hc for a long time: he knows he’s in love with thorin, he’s kind of aware that thorin might like him back (but that doesn’t happen til Way Later when he’s pretty much over his crush) but the idea of actually being a relationship is .... No Thanks. the second thorin actually starts express interest bilbo is like. Hm. Nope. like he still is really fond of thorin but also Not About That Romo Lyfe. (in my fic Moonlight which i will update eventually i swear bilbo and thorin are gonna be long distance flirting through letters which. is the only way i can really imagine them working out lmao)

also he’s nonbinary because i said so

Legolas: anon i hope you know what you were asking for when you wanted to know my legolas headcanons because i can Go Off

the short answer: gay aroace nb

the long answer: i project onto legolas so much it isn’t funny. i’m like, oh, i’m aroace? he’s aroace. i’m nonbinary? he’s nonbinary. the gay/oriented aroace is the only bit i don’t also identify with lmao. i project my weird relationship-adjacent feelings onto him all the time. reading my aro lego fics is like staring into my soul. and like. i have so many fics about him, the “Aromantic Legolas” tag on AO3 is like. Just Me and then one other person’s random fic. (which i have read and bookmarked, because of course)

legolas has it all, the vaguely androgynous aesthetic, green, uses bow and arrows, a goofus, sings all the time, ride or die for his friends. how can i not love this boy???

plus he’s so easy to project onto?? i want to explore what it feels like to have sort-of-feelings for someone but not really want them reciprocated? boom. legolas feeling weird about aragorn. i wanna write queerplatonic fluff? boom. i have a whole modern middle-earth AU almost entirely dedicated to that (+bonus aro fili and aro boromir. that’s another verse i’m gonna come back to soon I SWEAR) i wanna write about familial pressure and the weirdness that is your aro friend changing up their labels? boom. thranduil being like ‘hey dude you need a date for this event’ and then tauriel being aro until she meets kili and she’s like IDK man. i wanna explore a nonbinary identity before i officially feel safe coming out? what’s up yall im gonna sneak that into a trans!kiliel fic.

he’s just. got it all, y’all! i don’t write as much lotr/hobbit fic as i used to, i’m more into silm stuff these days, but don’t even think for a MINUTE that i’m ever over my boy lego, i track his tag so y’all don’t have to, go ahead and follow my leg blog @nblegolas for that good good leg content!!

#ask games #aro tolkien #me? going off about my fics in an ask game? it's more likely than you'd think #aromantic legolas #lithro bilbo #nb legolas #nblegolas #bilbo #legolas #moonlight #destiny #modern middle earth #adaptation #the cinderella au #dont mind me just tagging all the fics i linked too whoops #anon #answers #trans tolkien