#all that perpetuating the cycle which he himself was a victim of stuff

[posletsvet]

I frequently think about how challenging it must be to write convincing antagonists. It's relatively easy to justify morally driven, righteous thinking and good-hearted actions (that is, if justification of something like this is at all needed). Pulling off solid reasoning behind uncompromising, dedicated malice is harder. I think that is because benevolence comes naturally to us -- that's what our evolution as social beings taught us to be beneficial. So more often than not villains come off as cartoonish, false and awkward with their cardboard-thin beliefs and exaggerated petty grudges. And that's why it's always exciting to see characters who are objectively horrible people but still exhibit intricately nuanced and dimensional personalities you can at some extent empathize with.

I guess that is also why I like Toji as an antagonist so much. (Yes, this is a Toji Fushiguro post,, Why do I feel like I should I be sorry?) He is essentially a case study of a deeply flawed, disrespectful and inexcusably violent character with a plethora of other gruesome traits (I mean, the anime adaptation isn't even remotely subtle about showing his nastiness) who's also... just another ordinary human being. He eats take-out food. He overspends inpulsively. He watches sport and gambles. He loves and misses his wife and settles down while he's with her. Toji has harmless basic needs like entertaining himself with a hobby in his free time and having someone to keep him company while doing so. He seems to seek simple human connection (like when he suggests that he and Shiu go eat out in some fancy place after receiving their reward). He gets genuinely amused with the job's destination which is Okinawa and expresses his confusion over the cult's representative's bigoted speech in a mundane, kind of goofy way. He's curious when something goes slightly off a pre-established course of action and asks Shiu about it. He gets nervous and tries to calm himself down by strategizing. He thinks of his family in his last moments.

I'm saying all this with no intention to condone Toji's terrible actions or make them seem more forgivable. I guess it just drives home a point for me that while he destroyed the destiny of entire Jujutsu society he was really just minding his own business by going through another job. Yes, he was in some way taking out his spite on the Jujutsu world by trampling on the 'blessed talents' of both Gojo and Geto, but there was never an emphasis put on it. Defeating two Special Grade sorcerers wasn't a prime event in his life (well, up untill he died as a consequence of it, I guess). Even if there were some strings attached to this job, Toji was in it first of all for the money.

He's mundane. The extent of his cruelty and filth is sickening. He's just like those people you could pass by in the street. He's so morally corrupt it's alienating. He's both unthinkably horrible and still just an ordinary person.

Toji is a walking representation of the duality of man, really, and I find it truly admirable how Gege tied all those conflicting traits into a coherent and convincing character.

#jujutsu kaisen #jjk #jjk analysis #toji fushiguro #shiu kong #hidden inventory arc #star plasma vessel #really i don't think there's a character i don't find at least in some way appealing #so it's kind of weird for me to see people fighting over characters #and i genuinely find toji to be an amazing villain #he's immensely interesting to think about him #and the body of meaning he introduces in the narrative #he was a character who opened my eyes to the theme of cycles in jjk #all that perpetuating the cycle which he himself was a victim of stuff #all that said #i can't stand him #i hate him and everything he did SO MUCH #jjk meta

[therainscene]

Ah, the age-old question: is Vecna really the puppet master, or is all that string imagery proof that he was the puppet all along?

This question is always framed in terms of who is really manipulating whom, and even interpretations which see him and the Mind Flayer as a team tend to assume there’s going to be an inevitable betrayal in which one will rise as The Ultimate Big Bad.

But personally, I don’t see it that way; I think they have a more symbiotic relationship than that.

To see why, let’s take a look at another villain from the show:

Jason is a charismatic leader who knows how to rally groups into action, and this skill allows him to amplify his personal mistrust of outcasts like Eddie into a full-blown, town-wide witch hunt.

By the end of S4, the hysteria he whipped up has gained so much momentum that not even his nor Eddie’s death can stop it. The Hawkins Satanic Panic becomes something greater and more powerful than himself -- but crucially, it also could not have existed without him in the first place.

The Mind Flayer is much like Hawkins: not a single entity, but a collection of them. It was a formless cloud of particles before Henry got his slimy mitts on it, and the show has strongly hinted that these particles are the mechanism by which the Upside Down’s hive mind exists.

So Henry can be thought of as the charismatic leader of the hive mind. His ideas are the ones that drive the mind’s actions, but like Jason, that doesn’t necessarily make him a puppet master -- more of an inspiration. I don’t think the hive mind had any inherent agenda of its own before he came along, much as the people of Hawkins didn’t have an agenda beyond simply existing before Jason gave them a misguided cause to rally around.

This is the true horror of the Mind Flayer: it’s a reflection of how easily bigoted attitudes can become entrenched in a society of well-meaning individuals, and how overwhelmingly difficult it is to resist those attitudes when you’re targeted by them.

But conformity isn’t the only theme being reflected here. To complete our understanding of the bond between Vecna and the Mind Flayer, let’s turn our attention to one more villain:

Billy is a survivor of abuse whose anger led to a sense of entitlement to abuse others in turn. It’s classic cycle of abuse stuff, and very similar to Henry’s backstory.

But where Billy differs from Henry is that he seems to be aware that what he’s doing is wrong. Not that this helps much -- the best idea he can come up with to mitigate harm is to beg his victim for compassion, which is a great way to assuage his guilt, not such a great way to mend the damage he’s done to her.

I think it’s significant that Vecna and the Mind Flayer are used as metaphors for Billy’s urge to perpetuate the cycle of abuse, as their relationship is a very cyclical one:

Henry was abused, which led to the creation of the Mind Flayer, which led to Henry abusing Billy, which led to the creation of the fleshy Spider Monster--

Billy attempted to stop the cycle here, but as with the sauna plea, his efforts were dead in the water and the cycle continued:

--Max developed survivor’s guilt, which led to Henry abusing her, which led to her death, which led to Henry having free reign to continue abusing to his rotten little heart’s content.

This reflects not only the abuse that occurs between individuals, but also abuse on a society-wide level: bigoted societal attitudes beget internalized attitudes, which in turn lead to behaviours that perpetuate the original societal attitudes.

To me, a more interesting question than “which one is the real Big Bad?” is “how will our heroes stop the cycle?”

In real life, bigotry is defeated when outcasts and their allies band together and forge their own movements to spread messages of truth and positivity.

So I think it’s interesting that our core trio of protagonists consists of a charismatic leader who never wields his skill selfishly...

...and a powerful pair of survivors who are too full of love and kindness to perpetuate their own cycles of abuse.

#stranger things #willelmike #henry creel #mind flayer #jason carver #billy hargrove #my analysis

[c0rpseductor]

i complained briefly about this on twitter (“briefly,” he says. Actually i complained about it for quite some time and with vigor) but i hate that godawful website because i am a verbose autist and a tweet is only about a sentence or two long. for me. so i will try to pursue a thought about it here from beginning to end, outside of the constraints of twitter’s character limit (which is targeting me personally)

i have tried on and off for hours to get my mind off this, but i was really upset and disappointed to find out that richard siken not only did write wincest himself but seems to approve of approaching incest from the angle of sexual fantasy in general — these tweets about it are really sticking in my craw, and apparently they are from an interview he did in 2015, but the whole thing just came up again and it’s not my favorite take!

the question about consequences — and “question” is generous, i know he’s already years ago come to the conclusion that whatever consequences exist as a result of such narratives do not matter — gets me bc it’s like, dude, i KNOW what the consequences are. from experience. i have lived with them all my life.

the cycle is as such: writers portray incest as mutual sexual deviance as opposed to the reality of it being violence. literature portrays it as such, pop culture portrays it as such, fanfiction portrays it as such, it is widely discussed as such — as an example, try really thinking about how often perceived promiscuity is blamed on “daddy issues,” and what that may imply. many people never have any personal experience with incest or with survivors and come to regard it as a distant sort of kink activity, or an imaginary, almost fun and racy sort of violence that happens to a distinct class of subhuman other totally segregated from human society. survivors are blamed because the dominant cultural narrative believes they are willing participants and not victims of rape, survivors internalize shame and do not come forward. survivors often come forward to partners who find their childhood trauma (incestuous abuse is most often CSA) arousing. the online support group i frequent has a recurring problem of lurkers who use DMs to sexually harass psychologically vulnerable victims of abuse while they are in crisis. society does not take us seriously because the violence we face is seen not as violence, but as a category of pornography.

furthermore, trying to say this makes me the bad guy. to frankly and clearly state the harm perpetuated against me and others by these cultural narratives & their continuation in every aspect of life is regarded as puritanical and Orwellian. nevermind that the proliferation of such ideas & narratives and my exposure to them left me terrified that my closest friends would think i was a pervert for disclosing sexual abuse from my parents, nevermind that I spent years being told by my abusers and society at large that i’d brought it on myself, nevermind that i’m continually surrounded by that rhetoric every day and continue to have salt rubbed in the already unbelievably painful wounds — some people are criticized for publishing wincest fic in ao3, and this is the truest sort of victim; surely someone who was merely raped by his father for years could not understand the pain and martyrdom of being called an asshole online. THIS is the real concern. upholding the secret and mystique around intrafamilial sexual violence for the sake of shippers’ enjoyment of a middling CW show from 2004 is how we will fix society, no matter how many incest survivors’ dignity we must sacrifice to make it happen

anyway. i think this guy doesn’t know what he’s talking about, but trying to convince anyone that this stuff is even tangentially related to the experiences of real human beings who may see it and be hurt is a good deal like trying to tell people unicorns are real, in that they will laugh in your face.

#csa ment #incest ment #if you say any dumb shit to me on this post i will drive a semi through your living room and turn you into a fine gory mist

[saby-chan]

Why the ATLA comics fail when it comes to Zuko and his family

To whom ever took their time to actually stop and read this post, thank you in advance for not skipping my post and willing to stay and read my humble opinion! I hope I won’t disappoint you!

As a relatively newcomer to the ATLA fanbase since 2020, I’ve come across a lot of interesting debates, comments and rants about the show, characters and fandom in general, but nothing has captivated me as much as the dumpster-on-fire that are the ATLA comics, more specifically: The Promise and The Search. 

On one hand we have the hardcore fans who want them to be animated or serialized into the Netflix live action, praising the comics for the new views and subject matters they’ve brought into the show’s lore, while on the other hand we have the furious Azula fandom who is really angry for the fact that best girl didn’t get the redemption arc she rightfully deserved so much after the painful event that was the Last Agni Kai and the even more angry fans of the Urzai ship (yeah, the people who actually ship Zuko’s parents unironically) who hated the retconning of the show’s cannon since the comics basically took a huge fat dump on what was previously established as official cannon, when the Search entered the scene, but between these two sides, who has the more valid point? In the end, are the comics good cannon or bad written fanfiction?

Well... Here are my two cents on this matter since I myself happen to be an Azula and Zuko fan and had huge expectations from these comics (since I wanted more from my fave hot-headed fiery siblings duo) but ended up disappointed: the comics are indeed a huge mess and actually bad written fanfiction when it comes to Zuko and his family! Don’t click off yet, because I actually documented the reasons why exactly the comics fail in this area:

1. The author of these comics is not part of the BryKe duo

Yes, I would like to start with the fact that if you actually take a second to look up who in the heck took the time to write these two books, you won’t find Bryan, nor Mike, but a fellow man named Gene Yang. This is important because while the wiki of both The Promise and The Search state BryKe as the creators, that doesn’t mean that they were the actual minds behind these comics, but rather because ATLA is their “baby” and these comics involve their characters, over which they have copyright. Mr. Yang here is the actual brain behind the plot, as the main writer, which explains why we find huuuuge inconsistencies between the show lore and the comics, especially Zuko wise.

My main issue with Mr. Yang isn’t that he isn’t BryKe specifically, but because he did an unforgivable mistake in his writing process: He projected himself into Zuko’s character, based on the relationship Zuko had with his father. This is a documented fact from an interview in which he explains that he sees himself and his dad’s relationship into Zuko and Ozai and used that when writing their interactions and built Zuko’s character in the comics. And this is wrong because when you have an already very developed and complex character such as Zuko, you can’t just come in and be like “Oh, I was an angsty teen just like him in my teenage years, fighting with my dad and whatnot, so he must have the same thought process as me!”. NO! This is bad fanfiction writer behavior! Zuko has his own personality and philosophy, which he developed over the course of 3 seasons and is not defined by only 1 unfortunate aspect of his past, so you can’t just base his whole mindset and actions off of your own personal experience just because you had the same daddy issues he had!

2. The whole “Promise that you will kill me if I turn out like my dad!” nonsense in The Promise

Reason number 2 why these comics fail and go under the category of “bad fanfiction” is because they fail to convey the core essence of the source material. The whole point of Zuko’s redemption was that he realized the wrongdoings of his ancestors and his own mistakes. He outgrew his desire of gaining his father’s acknowledgement in favor of choosing his own destiny. Having him worry that he’ll turn into his father is utter nonsense and feels like poor angsty drama material for the sake of angst. At this point in time, Zuko has overcame that obstacle in his life a long time ago and should be at the level where he himself is the “Uncle Iroh” for other people and in no way someone concerned of becoming their own worst enemy!

Not only that, but the whole point of Aang’s journey and the story of the show as a whole was to teach us, the viewers, the importance of forgiveness, empathy and love in life. Aang didn’t spare Ozai, aka “the ultimate evil” just to flex in front of his pals or because he is a “ 12 y/o vegan pacifist monk kid”, but because he knew that killing someone, no matter of what they did or wanted to do, wouldn’t restore balance into the Universe, on the contrary, him killing the villain would have meant perpetuating the “endless cycle of hate” that plagued the world. So having Aang promise to kill his best friend in case “they turned into an evil maniac like their dad” contradicts Aang’s whole character and it’s a nonsense that throws into the trash what we’ve learnt throughout the entire TV series.

3. Azula deserved (and was supposed) to have a redemption ark

This might still be pure speculation, but I count it as a documented reason because I’ve heard quite a few people saying that there should’ve been a book 4 in the show, aka “Book 4: Air”, and no, it wasn’t The Search, but actually Zuko and Azula’s journey as Zuko helps his younger sister heal her broken mind by being her very own “Uncle Iroh”. Sure, they prolly were going to end up looking for Ursa, but the journey should’ve ended with them actually being happy and a family again and not the bs we got in The Search where a still very unstable Azula runs away and becomes the “Next Joker”! The only problem is that M. Night had to pop up and curse the world with his movie, which forced BryKe to delay the project (and eventually abandoned it in favor of Korra).

All in all, either if BryKe had this preplanned or not, it made sense for Azula to get a redemption ark, she deserved it because she was just a broken 14 y/o child! If Katara’s mom’s murderer deserved to be forgiven, so did this poor child who had no fault for what happened to her since she had a dysfunctional family! What Gene Yang did in his poorly written fanfiction was to just antagonize a broken child, turning her into a monster for the sake of friggin angst!

4. The Search is the worst of the two, being flat af character wise

And finally, getting to the point that I personally find the most annoying about these comics: The Search. This one... This one is a mess on a hella lot many levels, and just to list a few: characters are flat as fudge, being either black as vanta black (like Ozai and Azula) or pure white like Gene’s Gary Stue OC, Mr Ikem (or how I like to call him, IKEA man) and his ‘victim’ rendition of Ursa, Azula gets to suffer more for no reason (see reason number 3 to why I find this as a no no), Ursa’s whole character sucks ass (man, I could write a whole thesis on why Yang’s version of her is terrible and doesn’t match the strong woman we got in the show) and Zuko does morally wrong stuff (my man literally used his unstable sister to bribe their dad into spitting info about Ursa... Show Zuko would never do that!;-;)

Oh boy, as a person who’s seen a ton of anime and other media and read many books, I can’t begin on how much I despise this type of writing: flat characters are the worst!

 ATLA characters in the show are nothing close to being flat! What I mean by that is that none of them fall perfectly into pure white (aka goodest of good characters with no imperfections) or vanta black (aka lowest and darkest twisted monsters out there), each of them are various shades of grey (like Aang who is a very light grey because despite being a very kind and nice character, he still isn’t a “perfect hero” since he ran away from his duties, practiced tax fraud with Toph, had insecurities and even threatened to kill people on ocassions like with the sand benders who took Appa) and this is a good choice because that prevents them from becoming what’s globally known as Mary Sues and Gary Stues (aka those either “perfect” characters with no flaws and/or unlimited power, or the twisted monsters full of flaws).

And the other reason why many other people hate The Search: it literally negates previously established cannon. And here comes my short essay on why this comic fails Zuko’s family (since we’ve already talked enough about Zuko himself).

In cannon and even interviews with BryKe, it was clearly stated that Zuko’s family was “once happy”. Where is this “once happy” family in The Search? All I see is pain, deception, lies and betrayal, nothing close to anything that resembles happiness. Okay, some of you might come in and say that “It’s because it was never the case! It was only lies and Zuko trying to convince himself that he didn’t live in hell forever!” and here is WHERE YOU WERE ALL WRONG! And why? Because, my dear fella, where were depicted the flashbacks of Zuko’s “happy family” in The Beach? Ember Island. And what do we know and had been even quoted in the show?  "Like waves washing away the footprints on the sand, Ember Island gives everyone a clean slate. Ember Island reveals the true you." (direct quote from the show). Exactly, no matter who you are or how hard you try, you can’t hide your true self when you are on the Ember Island, best example being Azula, who’s impenetrable though shell cracked and revealed the true vulnerable child that was underneath. If Azula couldn’t resist the “spell of the island”, no one can. So this means that Zuko’s family was indeed happy once and yes, Ozai wasn’t always the douchebag we got to know in Season 3 (I have a whole nother essay on my theories regarding what could be his real past story and why he’s actually the “Zuko” of his generation, based on stuff I gathered from old wiki entries and character analyses I made, but that’s for another time, lemme know if ya’ll are interested).

And what I guess is the biggest proof why The Search did this family’s past trash is comics Ursa herself. My dude, if this woman were indeed the victim of years of endless abuse and never loved her husband, I guarantee you that she would’ve been closer to what we saw in Todoroki’s mom from BNHA and Zuko would’ve gotten that scar or even worse long before the Agni Kai, not from his “daddy dearest”, but from “mommy dearest” herself, because no sane woman would be soo affectionate and attached to a child that’s the perfect copy of their abuser, sepecially appearance wise (again see Todoroki’s mom’s case from BNHA because the stories are really similar) and in no way would’ve she been willing to sacrifice her life for said child’s sake. With this ocassion, I remind ya’ll folks that according to the ancient ATLA cannon wikis on Nick’s site, Ozai was designed with Zuko’s appearance in mind, being meant to be like a “grown up scarless version” of Zuko. So yeah, remember this with a grain of salt that whenever you simp over grown up Zuko, you involuntary simp for Ozai too.

So yeah, I guess this kinda concludes my “not so short” rant about why the comics fail and are bad fanfiction. Lemme hear your thoughts in the comments and if you agree, feel free to leave a like and even reblog.

Bye bye and remember that Momo is the true strongest character of the show!

 Saby out.

#atla #avatar the last airbender #atla comics #zuko #azula #ozai #ursa #fire siblings #the promise #the search #atla rant

[sneakydraws]

Well, here it is - a lengthy explanation of each card in my mdzs major arcana deck and what I meant to convey/what i would have changed in retrospect/what alternatives i considered! It’s a bit messy and my typing style is lazy but hopefully it will be an interesting read to some of you :)

And so you don’t say I didn’t warn you - jiang cheng’s section (11 justice) is absurdly long lmao

0 the fool  I elaborated on this in the post itself but yeah basically jin ling is kind of representative of all the damage and trauma caused by the past, and there’s a kind of danger there of him falling victim to the same vices as the older characters and repeating the same mistakes and perpetuating the cycle of war and misery (the cycle that we already see with how the jin sect became the new wen sect, and later with how jgy became the new wwx) and he has a lot of room to grow! He grows so much over the course of the novel, comes to realise the complexities of the past and gets a harsh life lesson in how nothing is as black and white as it seems. But ill save talking about his progress for the end, for now whats important is that he has room to grow and also a dog. I don’t really have a justification for the sun, i mostly just thought it looked sick? It made its way to the next card as well, where it makes a bit more sense, but then i realised it was a dumb motif to include 1 the magician I still very much like wwx for the role, and that illustration would have probably had him raising a corpse on his left and pointing threateningly to the sun on his right. I considered including the table as well, with some mdzs relevant items replacing the card suits. Anyway, like i said wwx got a few cards to himself already so i went with the alternative wq design, since i think she fits the card as well. Both she and wwx are highly skilled people, extremely driven once they set their mind to something. The card to me symbolises the creative mind as well as a general drive for action, which fits them both - wwx was famously a prolific inventor, and wq came up with a previously unheard of surgery, after all. This card strays pretty far from the rider-waite deck design, largely because i was still figuring out how i wanted to approach this series, but you can still see the influence. 2 the high priestess I was actually going to skip this card at first because I couldn’t think of a fitting character, but once i considered a qings character post death, it all fit pretty well. She was already a highly intuitive person in life, and in sharing her memories with wwx she is, in a way, relaying a kind of secret knowledge. Anyway she’s one of my fav characters so im glad i got a chance to include her. The coffins could be interpreted to be xxc and sl or xxc and xy 3 the empress Theres other mother figures in mdzs who got to be mothers for a longer time, but jyl definitely embodies the positive aspects of this card the best. She’s nurturing, kind, emotionally supportive, she already mothered wwx and jc quite a bit when she was young. Plus i liked that the rw card had both water and flowers, making an easy lotus connection. In retrospect the stars look kind of out of place and i should have replaced them with something more relevant... Also, i should have had her hold a lotus seed pod instead of a flower, haha 4 the emperor Like i said I considered jc for the role but hoching bullied me into admitting that nmj was better… they’re both more of an inverted emperor than an upright one but then again theres hardly any character in mdzs who would fit upright emperor so. Jgs was also considered but he’s even uglier than nmj so i couldn’t bear to draw him 5 the hierophant It was pointed out to me that lqr would have fit this card better and the truth if that statement haunts me to this day. Unfortunately I have no space in my brain for lqr so lxc got the role instead. My main reason was his role during the wen destruction of gusu lan, when he ran away with the contents of the library - this is why there’s bookshelves behind him. The keys, take, from the rider-waite deck, are meant to represent the gusu pendants that allow you to enter 6 the lovers Im sure many people would have chosen wangxian here but I uhh don’t really care abt wangxian personally? And also their love story is so convoluted that jyl and jzx seem idyllic by comparison lol. Also i didnt really have an idea for who to put in the angel’s place for wangxian… mme jin certainly did not get these two together in the end but undeniably she and mme yu did initially give them a chance to fall for each other so. Thats something i guess. Anyway the trees became their sects’ flowers and the mountain became the burial grounds - an omen of their tragic fate, basically 7 the chariot There might have been other characters who fit this card better but i couldn’t really think of another card for lwj and i thought it would be weird to not include him… anyway i don’t really care for current timeline lwj BUT i do like that he was clearly influenced by wwx to walk his own path in life based on his moral convictions rather than follow his sect’s rules blindly. The chariot is to me a card of self control, self determination and focused action, so it seemed fitting. The composition felt kind of empty without the actual chariot so i padded it out with the guqin, the cloud recess in the bg (it doesn’t look great but i tried to replicate the drama design….) and the bunnies which conveniently fit the colour scheme of the sphinxes in the rider-waite design 8 strength Like i said before, my interpretation of this card is more… morally ambiguous than the quote unquote official meaning, so i thought about manipulative or duplicitous characters more than kind characters whose strength is expressed through gentleness (though i did consider jyl briefly for the latter interpretation). As such, i considered both jgy and nhs, but ended up going with jgy largely because i couldn’t pass up the opportunity to put the nie sect’s beast as the lion. 9 the hermit My thoughts immediately went to bssr lol. It may be an overly literal interpretation but whatever, i like it just fine. And i like that i managed to echo the rider-waite silhouette in the mountain and the tree (and even in bssr herself) 10 wheel of fortune God i love the parallels between these 2… this card to me is about how you cant trust your current situation, good or bad, to last forever, and these 2 embody that perfectly imo. Wwx went from son of a well off servant and a powerful cultivator, to street rat orphan, to adopted son of sect leader jiang, to double orphan, to MIA, to terrifying but admired warrior, to terrifying and despised traitor, to dead, to, at the very end, suddenly respected and trusted again. The dishonesty and cheapness of whatever the public’s current opinion of him is is portrayed beautifully as far as im concerned. And jgy of course claws his way up to power only to instantaneously become public enemy number one, to the point that he’s probably blamed for stuff there’s no reason to believe he had a hand in. Wei wuxian’s silent astonishment at how quickly the cultivation world turns against jgy and towards him again is a delicious moment of thematic resonance.  11 justice I settled on this card for jc after he got booted from the emperor seat but i do think it fits, in a somewhat convoluted way. I turned both the sword and the scales into visual representations of the golden core transfer (can you tell im obsessed with it). According to biddy tarot, the justice card is partly about searching for the truth, and the scene where jc finds out about the transfer is of course a big deal. I was also very influenced by the reversed meaning again - which is about being reluctant or unwilling to face or accept the consequences of your actions. I feel on an intuitive level that this fits jc but I’m not sure how well i can explain it - it’s something about how he’s a little too comfortable scapegoating wwx for things that were also, if much less so, influenced by his actions, and also something about the way he keeps wwx at an arm’s length emotionally but still leans on him and accepts his support when he really needs it, and somewhat hypocritically expects wwx to put the needs of him and the jiang sect before the needs of others. And also something about the core exchange is the consequence and proof of wwx’s deep - terrifyingly deep, even - love and care for him, which is something jc doesn’t seem to let himself acknowledge. Maybe even something about how you could argue that the way all of the jiangs acted around wwx - jfm’s favouritism that left him with the feeling of a debt he needs to repay, mme yus insistence that he be a servant more than a brother to jc, prepared to give his life for jc, and jc’s own unwillingness - or inability, he was a child after all - to clearly acknowledge wwx as an equal to himself, enabling wwx’s self sacrificial and protective tendencies - that all of this was what caused wwx’s complete and unquestioning willingness to do whatever it took to protect jc, and therefore paved the way to the golden core transfer. And i don’t mean this to be scapegoating jc - especially considering how young he was when this all went down, it wouldn’t be fair to expect this level of emotional perceptiveness, awareness and maturity of him - but i think adult jc has to grapple with the fact that the chain of cause and effect was not as simple as wwx fucking everyone’s lives up to be a martyr, and that both jc and his parents had a role in that story as well. I don’t even necessarily think this is something that jc only realised in the current timeline - i think it’s something he felt on some level this whole time, and it probably led to a lot of feelings of guilt - but the suibian reveal definitely puts it in sharp focus, and i think he’s now better equipped to handle this introspection than he was as a recently orphaned, traumatised teenager, lol. ANYWAY the window with the fabric is both a nod to the rider-waite design and a reference to the destruction of lanling - i actually did some basic ass research for this, and it seems that in ancient china fabric would indeed be hanged in a window if the normally used paper was damaged. The design of the window, as well as the very idea to use it to imply the reconstruction of lanling, was taken from this great piece of jc angst by my pal moroll1! Oh yeah also the covered window kind of works as a denial of forgiveness for jc because it’s like a halo but covered up... Also I completely forgot to put a blindfold over his eyes which would be perfectttt because blind justice and the core exchange......... ok moving on 12 the hanged man I always have issues with this card because i cant find a satisfactory summary of what it’s really about. Best i can tell it symbolises a need to hit pause, surrender or let go of something… ive also seen it tied to sacrifice? So mo xuanyu doesn’t fit perfectly, but sacrifice is definitely there in a surface level reading kind of way, and the idea that you have to surrender or let go in order to achieve your goal does fit the whole deal of getting revenge but giving up your life in exchange and not being there to see it 13 death This is probably one of my favourite cards, definitely not because I have huge issues with change or anything…. I see this card as signalling the necessity of change or putting an end to something / leaving something in the past in order to start anew? At first i considered putting past wwx, mxy and current wwx here as a kind of transformation and one cycle flowing into the next... But firstly, I’d already used mxy in the very previous card, so putting him in again would feel like overkill, and secondly, the longer I thought about it the less convinced I was that this would even fit with the card’s meaning? Because coming back from the dead doesn’t like... trigger an internal transformation within wwx or anything? Anyway, fun fact: the design I ended up going with was actually originally intended for judgement! I thought I was being very clever with the whole “figure plays an instrument and the dead rise” parallel, but apparently I’d just completely forgotten that the judgement card had a completely different composition... Truly I was boo boo the fool... But yeah anyway at the end of the day I figured the design would kind of work for death as well, with Wen Ning and the theme of transformation, (since in his case coming back as a fierce corpse does actually mark a certain transformation in behaviour) and Wei Wuxian’s protection of the Wen people essentially signifying an attempt to break the cycle of oppression if that makes any sense? Like, wwx is trying to revolutionise the way the world works a bit, if you catch my drift 14 temperance  The centrist card! Again this is probably going off track from the “official” interpretation, but to me this card has a certain “don’t commit fully; do everything in moderation; don’t take either side” flavour to it that i personally find infuriating irl and that i very much assign to lxc. It’s entirely possible that I’m misinterpreting his character because i didn’t really pay him (and the 3zun in general) much mind while reading, but hell, I’m allowed to pick favourites and choose who i want to interpret deeply vs shallowly. Again, i wish id chosen lqr for hierophant because its so annoying for a character i don’t care about to get two cards…. But oh well 15 the devil My alternative idea for this was jgy as the devil and lxc plus nmj as the figures, but since all three had been featured already (multiple times, even!) i figured I’d go with xy instead, especially since he’s among my faves lol. I think the devil signifies something along the lines of unhealthy attachment, obsession or addiction, which isn’t 100% accurate in the case of xxc and a-qing, but if i stretch it a bit to cover toxic relationships in general, and especially manipulation or negative influence, i don’t think it’s half bad. My main struggle here was to choose who amongst the xxc/sl/aq trio to choose for the human figures. 16 the tower Arguably jin zixuans death and the following massacre of nightless city were the final and most direct reason for the siege of burial mounds, and the tiger seal is good shorthand for wwx’s loss of control over his powers, which led to the deaths of jzx and jyl. When reimagining major arcana i like to feature some kind of building in this card (spoilers for a possible future project but in my rose of versailles major arcana set the tower is bastille) and even if it’s not a tower, the image of wwx looming over the gathered crowd from atop a rooftop is so good i couldn’t resist 17 the star Struggled with this one - considered both jin ling and lsz for it, as symbolising a hope for the future, but that was kind of covered by the world so it wouldn’t make sense to include here as well... As usual when I struggle with interpreting a card (as opposed to understanding it but struggling with matching a character to it, like with death or moon) I went to biddy tarot and read all the details about its meaning. What i got was that this card signifies an incoming period of introspection and inner peace following a time of turmoil, as well as a general moving on into a new, better phase of one’s life or finding new meaning and purpose. The figure also suggests someone vulnerable, but possessing a keen sense of intuition as well as a good degree of practicality and common sense. Given all those, I settled for mianmian because IM LOVE HER..... I also kind of see her as a prelude to the “just one person is enough” theme present in tgcf!! And i think her decision to abandon her sect because she saw the toxicity and corruption in it is a very inspiring action - even if it didn’t make a large visible impact, i think the appearance of her and her idyllic family at the very end of the novel - paralleling and mirroring wangxian - implies that at the end of the day, it was a meaningful one 18 the moon Another card i ALWAYS fuxking struggle with - this time less because i can’t grasp its meaning and more because I can never find a character that fits it well. I usually get fixated on the “dreams and subconscious” part, but if i lean more on the “disguise, deceit, anxiety and fear” part, i eventually figured the whole yi city arc wouldn’t be a bad fit. I say the entire arc because it really does encompass all those themes if you include both the past and the present - xue yang’s disguise, his tricks with the villagers, a-qing’s lies and even xxc’s reluctance to talk about his past as well as xue yang pretending to be xxc all fit the disguise and deceit angle, and the general mystery and creepiness of the current timeline yi city work well with the anxiety and fear - the mist, the slow uncovering of the past, even a-qing being revealed to be an ally after scaring the shit out of the protags. I definitely struggled with including all the elements and characters, and even moreso with making them vaguely fit the rider-waite composition, but i think it ended up okay ish. OH and i completely forgot to draw mist swirling around them :( 19 the sun I was considering mianmian’s family for this one, but since I used her for star, I ended up with wwx and his parents instead. Once again I’m reinterpreting the card a bit - normally I think it symbolises incoming times of pure happiness and abundance, as well as a connection with the inner child, but I gave it more of a nostalgic or sentimental twist - wwx looking back at the brief glimpse of his happy childhood. 20 judgement another card that i struggle to interpret a bit... Here i actually used the tgcf tarot zine as a reference! In it judgement is summarised as “rebirth, following duty, absolution” SO i figured that nhs, mxy and wwx all together would fit pretty neatly... wwx achieving (public) absolution through clearing his own name after being reborn, and nhs sort of calling on wwx to expose jgy’s crimes... It’s a bit messy but not bad I think! 21 the world This ties very closely to my read on mdzs as a story - which is that it’s, at the end of the day, largely about cycles, and about how hard it is to break them, but how we gotta keep trying and have hope anyway. Or maybe more precisely, that the people directly involved with and influenced by the trauma of the past might not be able to get over said trauma and that the hope for healing from it will be shouldered by the new generation. Or something like that… Basically what i mean is that jc and wwx and lwj and lxc and nhs and jgy and all these people who were in the thick of the sunshot campaign and the siege are so profoundly affected by it that it genuinely feels by the end of the story like there is little hope for them to ever truly overcome that trauma and build a better future without repeating the same old mistakes - but there is a glimmer of hope in the new generation, specifically in jl and lsz. And it’s a bit paradoxical, because they have also been directly impacted by the past tragedies - lsz having his entire clan wiped out after wwx failed to protect them, jl losing both his parents to wwx’s mistakes - but despite that loss, and despite coming from arguably the two opposing sides of the past conflicts, they are both, in the end, capable of moving past that tragedy, of recognising the complicated nature of those conflicts (jl’s moment of clarity at the end is both heartbreaking and hopeful) and forging friendships between clans in the process. I honestly think that the extra where jl is struggling to assert his authority as sect leader, to treat his subjects well and to cooperate with other sects in a truly amicable way is the single hopeful ending note for the larger themes of the novel - it allows us to imagine that maybe these kids can learn from the mistakes of their elders rather than getting sucked in by resentment at those mistakes, and actually build a brighter future for the cultivation world. And sidenote, this is also why i have a soft spot for jin ling and lan sizhui as a ship... speaking of which their poses were directly referenced from the lovers card ehehe

Looking back, I’d like to add some symbol of jin ling’s trauma so that it mirrors baby wen yuan in the tree stump... maybe his father’s sword? 

#mdzs #mo dao zu shi #tarot

[stevenuniversallyreviews]

I don’t need you to respect me, I respect me

I’m gonna miss writing about Amethyst.

As the most sisterly Crystal Gem, a firebrand in the new role of middle child after spending millennia as the baby of the group, Amethyst’s story is about growing from a wild teen to a responsible adult. Like Steven, she feels the need to prove that she’s a Crystal Gem too, but unlike Steven, she already is a Crystal Gem, so she carries a different kind of resentment as she continues to be treated like a child. It’s made even worse by her warrior instincts clashing with her small frame: she lives with the constant anxiety that she’s a mistake, a Gem who came out wrong and doesn’t belong in her family, so she comforts and distracts herself with hedonism and shapeshifting. Her problem goes beyond not feeling respected: deep down, she fears that she doesn’t deserve respect.

But she changes her mind.

“This isn’t normal.”

The Return and Jailbreak culminated the first act of Steven Universe, giving our characters subtle achievements (Amethyst and Pearl casually fuse into Opal, Greg reveals a deeper understanding of the Gems than we once thought, Beach City comes together as a community when Steven is in danger) and huge changes (Steven summons a massive shield, Garnet’s status as a fusion is confirmed, Lapis goes from prisoner to imprisoner). While not an official finale, Beta and Earthlings culminated the second act, narrowing the focus to five characters as they each reach one milestone or another: Lapis and Amethyst find a level of peace, Peridot defends her new home, Jasper succumbs to corruption, and Steven helps his friends but fails to help his enemy.

In a way, Change Your Mind culminates the third act with an even narrower focus. Sure, it gives big moments to a ton of characters (there’s fanservice galore, and we see the three Diamonds in particular take enormous steps), but we zero in on Steven in the same way the entire act has zeroed in on Steven, because this is a story about identity. It isn’t only about who he is, but who he wants to be moving forward, and fusing all the insights he’s learned from his human family, his Crystal Gem family, and his Diamond family into a song that encapsulates his growth over the course of the series.

We start in the most lifelike of the Diamond dreams, so real that Steven still sees himself as Steven rather than embodying Pink. Once again, this connection emerges from sleeping in a location where Pink once dwelled, but while he wasn’t feeling her impatience and rage in Jungle Moon, nor her hardening resolve in Can’t Go Back, nor her whimsy in Familiar, this time they share the same headspace when they’re both locked in a tower.

Considering how bombastic things get in this episode, I love how low-key this final dream remains until White Diamond interferes. We’re as lost as Steven at first, worrying about Connie and baffled at Blue’s recognizable mood but incongruous accusations, but as the truth becomes clear, he transforms into Pink off-screen without any fanfare, both in body and in mind: Steven isn’t questioning Blue’s warning about Pink Pearl, Pink Diamond is apologizing for her own behavior in Zach Callison’s voice. Still, looking down jolts him out of it, and after seeing the Crystal Gems poofed at the ball for a more definitive Steven memory, we cycle in Rose’s horror at her family launching a final attack on Earth. The rapid-fire identity shifts that follow inspired the most haunting piece of promo art for the episode, drawn by Rebecca Sugar herself, but I didn’t wanna display it without a seizure warning.

It’s excellent exposition, hitting the highlights of the Diamonds’ many wrongs and establishing Steven’s fraying sense of self in a way that’s both artful and brief; it’s important to remind younger viewers about the stakes, but Change Your Mind doesn’t pretend that anyone should be watching this episode without context, so it doesn’t prioritize thorough explanation. And despite how frightening the nightmare becomes, Steven gains a new sense of clarity after seeing the pattern laid out in front of him. The Diamonds are hurting him in the same way they hurt his mother, and if he’s going to help everyone, he needs to help himself.

When Blue Diamond returns to the tower in modern day, Steven isn’t afraid, and he isn’t alone. The first of many puns riddling the finale emerges (“Déjà Blue!”) before Connie proves why she’s the perfect partner for our hero, platonic or otherwise. He’s terrible at confronting the people that hurt him—this would require him to acknowledge he’s hurt in the first place, which he’s also terrible at—but if she was comfortable enough with confrontation to call out her best friend when he wrongs her, Blue Diamond doesn’t stand a chance. Connie comes out swinging, loading the bases with candor and sass despite Blue’s confusion over why a human even gets an opinion about this stuff, which makes Steven’s refusal to apologize hit the Diamond like a grand slam.

I love that Steven’s flat “no” takes Connie by surprise as well as Blue, because yeah, it’s uncharacteristically blunt for someone who’s spent his entire trip to Homeworld bending over backwards like he usually does to accommodate others. When he doubles down by explaining that he isn’t sorry about creating a show that celebrates queer characters whoops sorry I mean fusion, Callison makes it sound like the most obvious thing in the world, and this is what upsets Blue enough to inflict her tears on him. We’ll learn even more about Pink’s temper in Steven Universe Future, but the simple act of not bowing to authority makes Steven “worse than ever” in Blue’s mind: violence is more acceptable than insubordination. (Also, violence in cartoons is more acceptable than queer folks just sorta existing in cartoons, but that’s neither here nor there.)

Change Your Mind is about combating bigotry and cycles of abuse, and Blue is the obvious first test. She’s a bigot who doesn’t think she’s a bigot (compared to Yellow, who doesn’t care that she’s a bigot, and White, who’s quite proud of being a bigot). She passively perpetuates a toxic status quo (compared to Yellow, who actively perpetuates it, and White, who established it in the first place). It makes sense that she’s the first of the remaining Diamonds to change her mind, because all it takes for her to realize that something is wrong is thinking about it a little harder.

This doesn’t let her off the hook, of course: Blue’s sloth—the sin, not the animal—might not look flashy next to Yellow’s wrath or White’s pride or Pink’s envy, but she still chose to do nothing for thousands of years rather than contemplate how her actions and her society might have wronged Pink. If it was this easy for Blue to realize she was hurting Pink, it makes it that much more of an issue that it took her this long to figure it out. Unintentional bigots might be the “best” option by default, but they can be just as harmful as intentional bigots, and there’s a special sort of damage that can come from an oppressor who truly believes themselves an ally.

That said, while it’s important to acknowledge her blame (emphasized here when she only stops attacking Steven when he calls her out rather than the Diamonds in general), Blue is also a victim. She’s one of the most powerful beings on Homeworld, but she’s still trapped by White Diamond, and resorts to putting others down as a means of reclaiming a sense of that power. In the same way oppressed people often turn to sexism and racism and homophobia to make themselves feel bigger, Blue (and Yellow) reinforce White’s sweeping bigotry in the same way they echo her family-specific abuse. It’s not a good coping mechanism, in this show or in the real world, but understanding the problem is key to fixing it.

So it still feels like a victory when Blue turns, even though it should’ve happened ages ago, and even though she’s a tyrant. She isn’t just deciding to help Steven, she’s breaking out of that cycle in a way that allows for growth beyond our hero’s immediate concerns. Lisa Hannigan captures this transformation beautifully, shifting from manipulative whining about Pink’s behavior to a crushing realization that she’s the one who’s wrong. And even as she joins Steven’s side, she remains weighed down by her longstanding prejudice: Hannigan stutters as she refers to the Crystal Gems as his family, and her triumphant defense of Steven’s name to Yellow comes with the caveat that she’s still misgendering him.

But before we get to Yellow, we take a pit stop that grounds us back to Steven and Connie’s hunger. It may seem small, but this is a critical moment in establishing Steven’s humanity in a way the show has quietly done from day one: with food.

The very first scene of Steven Universe establishes our hero’s human half in a donut shop, upset about dessert. From there, the next five episodes drill in that Steven will take a unique approach to his magical Gem heritage, and they all involve food in a major way: Cookie Cats, then his father’s saying about pork chops and hot dogs, then the Cheeseburger Backpack (important enough to be the episode’s name), then the Together Breakfast (ditto), then creating a monster based on fries.

It’s not just Steven, either. The first few Connie episodes involve eating and drinking in ways that show hints of growth (worrying about trans fats, then sneaking food into movie theaters) and mark key moments in her life (sharing a juicebox, taking her parents to dinner). Lars’s development is tied with his love of baking, and on top of him and Sadie working at the Big Donut, the Frymans and the Pizzas are so tied to their food service jobs that it’s in their names. And speaking of names, we’ve got Vidalia calling her sons Sour Cream and Onion. It even extends to the Gems: Amethyst’s connection with Earth means she loves food, and Pearl’s greater distance from humanity means she can’t stomach it.

Food is fundamentally something that humans require and Gems don’t, and just like we saw in Lars’s Head, Steven’s physical body forces him to think about his own needs despite his usual focus on others. Both his humanity and his ability to stand up for himself are key to his eventual victory, and what could’ve been a generic transition between Blue and Yellow’s big scenes instead becomes a quiet Steven scene. Steven changing into his usual clothes (including his mom’s star) and Connie changing into her own outfit (including her dad’s jacket) is the perfect finishing touch before we dive back into the drama.

True to their natures, Yellow Diamond gets a starker introduction than Blue’s dream sequence: as the lights burst on, we get two shots focusing on a horrifying number of mutated Gem Shards floating around in the room, then the Crystal Gems’ thankfully intact gems in one big bubble, before panning down to the villain who caused all this pain. The menace is palpable before she even opens her mouth, but Patti LuPone’s low tone keeps the mood from boiling over just long enough that when she loses her cool, it hits like a freight train.

Blue’s passive bigotry endured because she lacked introspection, but Yellow’s active bigotry requires constantly justifying actions she knows are cruel by presenting it as a matter of superior reasoning. We’ve known from her first appearance that Yellow’s seething fury undermines her reputation for cold logic, and now more than ever the connection between her behavior and that of “sophisticated” bigots is clear. You know the type: openly, smugly hateful, but couching their hate as something derived from some deep knowledge about the subject, whether in religious convictions or whatever “science” they can scrape together to confirm their worldview.

Sure enough, even in her rage, Yellow lays down what she sees as a rational explanation for why it was okay to mistreat Pink, and why it’s okay that they themselves are mistreated: if they make exceptions for anyone, even other Diamonds, they must make exceptions for everyone, and chaos reigns. Besides the slippery slope being a fallacy, her argument is punctured by Connie’s second big retort of the night, pointing out that this extreme conclusion of Homeworld Gems living free actually sounds pretty nice. But you can’t force this type of bigot to change their mind through reason; if such a person was actually interested in logical worldviews, they wouldn’t have become a bigot in the first place. You need to change their heart.

Fortunately, emotions are Blue’s domain, so she’s just the person to help. Unfortunately, in the same way she still can’t get Steven’s pronouns right, Blue lacks experience with healthy communication, and strikes a first blow against Yellow on instinct. The ensuing brawl is brutal, switching between the massive scale of two warring titans and the smaller scale of Steven and Connie scrambling to save the Crystal Gems as Blue and Yellow unload millennia of baggage on each other. It’s so important that Blue is the physical instigator here, as it fuels Yellow’s white-hot self-righteous streak like nothing else, and it keeps the fight from being one-sided all the way through: Yellow pretty much needs to be the one dealing the final blow for the scene to stick, so it gets balanced out by Blue’s opening punch.

Blue uses her powers on Yellow, and Yellow uses her powers on Blue, but Steven’s power is talking. So just like with Blue’s conversion, Connie gets the opening words while Steven gets the finisher. When he finally gets her attention after being ignored throughout the scene, he makes Yellow listen to him by using the same food-based expression I mentioned from all the way back in Laser Light Cannon. It’d pack a bigger punch if Greg said “If every pork chop were perfect, we wouldn’t have hot dogs” at literally any other point in the show, but it still does the trick.

Blue was emotionally ready to accept that Pink was suffering, but hadn’t considered the Diamonds’ role in that suffering. Yellow knew that Pink suffered thanks to the Diamonds, but suppressed her emotions to the point where she couldn’t empathize with her sister’s plight. Blue needed to be more thoughtful to change, and Yellow needed to be more in touch with her emotions to change, and thus the stage is set for the Battle of Heart and Mind against White Diamond.

Except that this isn’t the lesson of Change Your Mind. Blue and Yellow show that some bigots can be reached, which is great! But despite their differences, Steven uses the same basic strategy in both: he doesn’t let them belittle his identity, he confidently dispels their wrongheaded assumptions, and he gets help from allies instead of shouldering the burden himself. We spend the beginning of the episode seeing that in the right circumstances this approach can work, but from here we’ll see that with some bigots, it’s a non-starter.

So long as you can engage with bigots while maintaining your self-respect, it can be good work to try and help them see the light. It’s not an obligation, but if you want to change hearts and minds, Steven provides a good template for how to do it. Now the rest of the episode can focus on the bigger lesson: if someone refuses to respect your humanity when you’re steadfast and forthright, it isn’t your job to breathe in their poison, or to hold your breath until you asphyxiate waiting for change.

But more on that after the break!

I Can’t Believe We’ve Come So Far

As we reach the end of the original series, it would be criminal not to acknowledge three long-time storyboarders who are on their way out. This isn’t their final contribution to the series, as only one of Change Your Mind’s twelve credited writer/boarders didn’t go on to work on The Movie in some way (Christine Liu, whose tenure was brief but great), and Hilary Florido stayed on as a supervisor for Future. But I wanted to write the big sendoffs here, as this is the last proper “episode” that these three worked on as regular boarders. So it’s time to say goodbye to Katie Mitroff, Hilary Florido, and Jeff Liu.

First up is Katie Mitroff, who clocked two early knockouts with Alone Together and The Test alongside Florido. Mitroff’n’Florido went on to make other classics like Maximum Capacity and Joy Ride before the former teamed up with Lamar Abrams and the latter teamed up with Jesse Zuke for their next batch of episodes.

With Abrams, Mitroff deepened the lore of the show with We Need to Talk, Steven’s Birthday, Bismuth, Buddy’s Book, Three Gems and a Baby, and especially The Answer. She gave us the harrowing revelation of Back to the Moon, and the most ridiculous episode of the series, Restaurant Wars. Her final partner was Paul Villeco, finishing strong with The Trial, Back to the Kindergarten, Your Mother and Mine, Pool Hopping, What’s Your Problem?, Reunited, and Change Your Mind, 100% of which are either in my Love ‘em ranking or my Top Episodes. (Oh, sorry, spoiler alert I love Change Your Mind.)

It’s strange, because she didn’t work on any of the major episodes of Amethyst’s big arc at the end of Season 3, but Mitroff is one of my favorite Amethyst boarders: she’s the consistent thread between Maximum Capacity, Back to the Moon, and What’s Your Problem?, three cornerstones of the character. She excelled at going outside the show’s usual style, as seen in The Answer and Your Mother and Mine, and it’s no coincidence she helped animate Isn’t It Love? to bring Cotton Candy Garnet back for one last ride.

Katie Mitroff is an absolute rock star, I wish her well and you should too.

#change your mind #steven universe #su #steven universally #review

[eggfucker-1]

Ai yah, I really have to respond to this post again, huh?

Well, for starters, I apologize for a mistake I made in my original post. In the OP, I insinuated that the Princess Zeldas we see in the series could have possibly had a role in the atrocities committed by the royal family. This is incorrect, and it was poor wording on my part. I should have clarified my intentions when writing that particular passage; however, I felt it was unimportant, given that the point wasn’t solely about Princess Zelda, but how the addition of the Goddess Hylia and the Demon King Demise not only invalidates Ganondorf’s character up to that point, but adds much greater weight to the terrible actions committed by the royal family, especially towards the Sheikah.

Given that tumblr user lorelylantana is the third person to make a reply by discussing the reincarnation cycle, rather than the actual point of my post, perhaps I should have proofread and double checked my post before sending it out into the world to cause problems on purpose.

With that said, after I read lorelylantana’s response, I felt it necessary to make a proper reply of my own. It’s going to be a rather lengthy reply, as I have many things to say and many images to post.

However, I’m going to do all that I can to avoid discussing fanon or fan theories. I don’t mind them, but adding fanon wasn’t the point of my original post, and it shouldn’t have been the focus of the responses I received. I want to stay as close to the canon Nintendo laid out as possible. Thusly, my sources will strictly be drawn from the games, game manuals, Creating a Champion, Hyrule Historia, and Hyrule Encyclopedia. Despite the latter two being dubiously canon, they were approved by Nintendo, so they’re worth mentioning.

So, without further delay, let us begin.

-       “The original post seems to be based on the idea that Zelda and the royal family of Hyrule are synonymous, which is questionable for reasons I’ll get into later.”

For all intents and purposes, yes. Zelda and the royal family are synonymous, as she is the face of the royal family in almost every Zelda game featuring her. Even if she isn’t the ruler of Hyrule in that particular moment, she is our figurehead for the monarchy, by all means.

-       “The games don’t hand wave the actions of Hyrule’s royal family, they just don’t go out of their way to hold a young girl personally responsible for the actions of kings […]”

While the actions of the royal family are briefly acknowledged, as is the case with the Shadow Temple and the Arbiter’s Grounds, the monarchy has never had to answer for their actions. Even in the case of the Sheikah’s massive exile 10,000 years ago, the royal family never answers for this, nor are they ever portrayed being in the wrong. In fact, the event in question is only mentioned by a single member of the Sheikah in Breath of the Wild, Cado.

Image credit goes to YouTube user Macintyre.

The royal family’s actions are never directly described as “these were horrible things that happened.” Instead, it’s simply, “yeah, it happened.” There is no acknowledgement that the Yiga was created by the royal family’s own hands, nor is there any emphasis placed on the impact any of these acts have.

For example, the exile of the Sheikah wasn’t even the first instance of the royal family of Hyrule mass-exiling a group of people and displacing them from their original homes.

After the events of Ocarina of Time, Ganondorf is captured and executed for his crimes leading up to the events of the game and presumably the events of the Adult Timeline, given Young Link’s testimony. (I’ll get into why the King of Hyrule believes Link over Zelda later.) After Ganondorf was executed, the Gerudo were forced out of Gerudo Valley and banished from the Haunted Wasteland. Even during the events of Twilight Princess, the Gerudo Desert is completely abandoned. Once again, there is no discussion concerning the royal family’s actions, with the narrative instead being that the Gerudo, some of whom were actively against Ganondorf’s actions and many of whom were hypnotized during the events of OoT, are entirely at fault and have to atone for their sin of… having Ganondorf for a leader, I suppose.

Source: Creating a Champion, p. 405

Source: Hyrule Encyclopedia, p. 46

The royal family gets to punish an entire people for the actions of one man. Rather than the act being portrayed as negative or even discussed, it’s hardly even mentioned.

While I’m aware Encyclopedia’s canonicity is dubious at best, its material was still approved for publication by Nintendo. Thusly, I feel it worthy to discuss.

To summate, the royal family did bad things, and very select few acknowledge it.

Next point.

-       “I think that the Zelda/Hylia = good Ganon = bad situation serves a narrative purpose that justifies the black and white nature of the games because it highlights the shades of gray in between installments…”

The Legend of Zelda is almost thirty-five years old. This series should have long evolved beyond the black-and-white-morality narrative, especially when the side we’re supposed to sympathize with literally used the Sheikah to commit war crimes. You don’t have to have stark white and pitch black in order to see shades of gray.

-       “… And trying to assign Zelda a dark side is kind of missing the point, especially when no one seems to question Link’s morality even though he’s constantly stealing people’s stuff.”

Examples of Consequences to Link Stealing People’s Stuff

1.     In Twilight Princess, stealing from Trill will result in the bird branding you a thief and pecking you every time you come near him, which will only cease when you finally pay up.

2.     In Link’s Awakening, stealing from the old man’s shop will result in instant death the next time you enter his shop. If you steal, your name is changed to THIEF for the rest of the game.

Furthermore, Link is controlled by the player; thusly, his actions have no consequence to the story or Link’s character. Zelda, on the other hand, is an active participant in the story, whose actions and whose family’s actions weigh heavily on the games. That’s not to say Zelda is ever evil. However, as much as she is a victim of her own family’s history, she still has just as much power to change it.

-       “If the games wanted to gloss over the sins committed by the royal family[,] they wouldn’t have designed entire dungeons around them.”

I reiterate: the sins of the royal family were mentioned once, and then immediately dropped shortly thereafter. It’s not there for you to dwell upon, merely window dressing as if to say, “Yeah, that happened.”

-       “I believe The Legend of Zelda series is a critique of the Divine Right of Kings”

Until the events of Skyward Sword, the Hylian Royal Family wasn’t a divine lineage. A thirty-five-year-old series can’t be a critique of a concept that it barely even acknowledges. The only emphasis placed on the “goddess blood” part of the royal family is in Breath of the Wild, in relation to Zelda having to unlock her sealing powers. Despite the massive repercussions the revelation of the royal family’s lineage tying back to divinity should have, it’s barely even mentioned,let alone discussed.

As a side note, the divine right of kings specifically denotes that the monarch is chosen by God to rule. In contrast, the Hylian Royal Family continues to rule by, presumably, claiming lineage to the Goddess Hylia, which is closer to traditional practice in feudal Japan.

-       “If the Divine Right of Queens is indeed present, does that justify a hereditary monarchy? As far as the Legend of Zelda is concerned[,] the answer is no.”

The Legend of Zelda series never questions the validity of the royal family’s rule.

-       “Isn’t it funny that the Kingdom of Hyrule seems to be perpetually stuck in the dark ages?”

Ocarina of Time has neon lights, jukeboxes, and canned goods. The lakeside doctor’s chemistry is advanced enough that he is able to synthesize eyedrops. Given the newspaper articles strewn about shops, Hyrule also has pictoboxes in OoT.

By Wind Waker, pictoboxes have evolved to print in color. In Phantom Hourglass, Linebeck’s ship is steam-powered.

In Twilight Princess, pictoboxes now print higher quality images. In addition, with the introduction of Malo Mart’s Castle Town branch, TP is confirmed to have fully functional electrical lighting in some places. Cannons are so safe, you can get launched out of one for fun. Pyrotechnics have grown advanced enough that explosives can function underwater, and Death Mountain has become a functioning, refined mining facility stable enough for Hylians to safely walk in. Also, Auru has a bazooka.

SPIRIT TRACKS HAS TRAINS. THEIR AESTHETIC DIRECTLY REFLECTS THE INDUSTRIAL REVOLUTION.

Hyrule is hardly stuck in the dark ages. It’s high fantasy.

Next point.

“For starters, I want to establish that I don’t agree with the assumption that what the Hyrulean Royal Family does = Zelda/Hylia would do. I don’t think it’s a mistake that almost every text in the OP explicitly mentions that it was a King that committed those acts, not Zelda herself.”

Once again, that was an error on my part. It wasn’t my intention to imply Zelda had any part in such actions. However, Zelda learns how to rule from her father, or her mother, or whomever holds the throne in that particular moment. These acts are never questioned in canon beyond “Yeah, that happened,” and the most conflict we have is the issues between Zelda and her father in Breath of the Wild boiling down to how to confront the Calamity—science vs. sealing magic— rather than anything else.

It’s a personal issue, and Rhoam treats Zelda terribly, essentially alienating himself from his own daughter and treating her as little more than a pawn. I agree that it’s absolutely terrible. However, that’s merely a personal issue. She’s complicit in how Rhoam addresses the Sheikah, possibly even fully aware of the anti-aging rune Purah was developing to force retired soldiers into battle against the Calamity, and from what we’ve seen in Age of Calamity, she doesn’t have an understanding of the Yiga Clan other than the snide remark Urbosa gives:

Image credit goes to YouTube user BeardBear.

It’s up to Zelda to develop a deeper understanding of her country’s history; not to take personal responsibility, but to understand where those who are suffering are coming from.

That said, acting with the Hylians’ best interests at heart is exactly something Hylia would do.

In the prologue to Skyward Sword, the Demon King and his army attack the Hylians, slaying many and throwing the world into despair. Thus, the Goddess Hylia saves the Hylians by sending a chunk of land up into the heavens, sparing them from the war to follow while she gathers every other race to fight alongside her.

So… How come Hylia only saved the Hylians?

I understand many were wiped out by demons, but if Hylia was fully prepared to spare people from violence, why not also send small numbers of every other race? Why only save the Hylians, her chosen people, while essentially dragging everyone else into battle with her? Furthermore, when Hylia’s immortal body suffered grave injuries, she opted to take advantage of this by choosing to be reborn as a person. Not only is it explicitly stated that Hylia reincarnated in order to utilize the Triforce’s power, as she could not do so as divinity, but she knowingly chose to be reborn as someone who would become close with her chosen hero, in order to influence him to follow her plan without hesitation.

Hylia used Link.

That much is certain, and it’s laid out clearly by Zelda shortly before she takes Hyrule’s longest beauty nap.

It must be noted that while Zelda states she is Hylia reborn, and has regained Hylia’s memories by this point, she still sees herself as a separate entity from Hylia. While she herself is immensely guilty and apologizing over and over for what she’d done in her previous life, we have no way of knowing if Hylia herself would react the same way.

In fact, according to a fan-translation by ZeldaUniverse user Yamikawa, Demise goes as far as to describe Hylia as “brave and so-prideful,” hinting that even a being who loved her chosen people so much to save them still saw them as beneath her, if being reborn as human is seen as such a drastic extreme contradictory to her supposed character. Now, this is merely reflection on the inner workings of the Demon King, so his word can’t be taken as gospel. But, like all things, I find it interesting.

From what I can gather, however, Hylia certainly cared more about the Hylians than any other being in the land of Hylia, not dissimilarly to the royal family.

-       “I also don’t think that every princess Zelda is a Princess of Destiny or Representative of Hylia, I think that she reincarnates just about as often as Link and Ganon(dorf) do, because the logistics don’t really work out otherwise. This leaves hundreds, if not thousands of years where Zelda/Hylia isn’t on the throne.”

This is merely speculation. Moving on.

-       “There’s a notable trend of the King of Hyrule getting in the way of Zelda’s attempts to save the kingdom. First[,] he doesn’t take Zelda seriously [in] Ocarina of Time, forcing her to rely on Link […] I don’t know why the King of Hyrule was willing to listen to a random boy claiming to have been from the future over his own daughter but whatever I guess.”

The King of Hyrule believed Young Link because he came back to the Child Timeline with the Triforce of Courage. Up to that point, the whole Triforce was supposed to be safely locked away in the Sacred Realm, which was supposed to be completely inaccessible without the spiritual stones and the ocarina of time, neither of which Link had. I’d listen to the kid’s story too if he came back with a God Dorito on the back of his hand.

-       “And then again in Breath of the Wild when Rhoam bans Zelda from ancient tech research despite the fact that he has absolutely no reason to believe his pray the incompetence away method is the right one.”

The tapestry showcasing the events from 10,000 years ago depicts a princess possessing the blood of the goddess using her sealing magic in order to seal away Calamity Ganon. Link can swing the Master Sword at Ganon or whack him with ancient arrows or light arrows all he wants. Without the ability to seal away the darkness, as shown at the end of Ocarina of Time, all of this preparation and planning would have been for naught. That is why Rhoam is so harsh on Zelda. That’s why so much emphasis is placed on unlocking her power. Without it, defeating Ganon would be impossible.

On that note, Rhoam also had no idea what he was doing. Zelda’s mother was the one with the sealing magic, not him. She was supposed to be the one to train Zelda, but she passed away before she got the chance to even start. He puts so much emphasis on prayer rather than ancient technology because he genuinely doesn’t know what else to do.

I can’t believe this post forced me to defend Rhoam of all people I’m gonna have a stroke—

-       “Also, this is purely speculation, but [I’m] pretty sure there’s an implication that King Daphnes Nohansen caused the flooding of Hyrule in Wind Waker […] This sounds like a wish on the Triforce that backfired[,] but I digress.”

Daphnes couldn’t have made a wish on the Triforce before Wind Waker because, when the Hero of Time left the Adult Timeline, that timeline’s Triforce of Courage shattered into eight pieces and scattered throughout the land—er, ocean. Even if he had Wisdom on him, Ganondorf still possessed the Triforce of Power when he was sealed away, and he wasn’t going to let go of it when he broke free.

Besides, if Daphnes did wish on the whole Triforce, it would have disappeared. There would have been no Wind Waker.

-       “When she saves Hyrule in spite of interference…”

I’m not even going to finish the quote because the entire paragraph is too much for me to unpack. I’m assuming they’re saying that Zelda is never the one truly in power, and the royal family takes advantage of one Zelda’s good deeds to get brownie points.

However, concerning the first line…

In Ocarina of Time, Zelda going behind her dad’s back to try to “save Hyrule” leads Ganondorf straight to the Sacred Realm. Even though a time paradox leads to everything turning out okay in the end, the bleak future was created because Zelda wanted to play hero and pulled Link along with her. Even if Ganondorf managed to wrench the spiritual stones away from the Zora and Gorons, he wouldn’t have been able to access the Sacred Realm if Zelda didn’t send Link there to pull out the Master Sword, which Ganondorf would have never been able to touch. By all means, Ocarina of Timehappened because a little girl was in over her head and tried to take matters into her own hands when her dad didn’t believe her.

Aside from Breath of the Wild, there’s no other “interference” from the royal family that Zelda has to face.

-       “Zelda is the representation of a deity, so it makes sense that people would worship her to some extent, and having a goddess on the throne [probably] blesses the land. So[,] while the kings of Hyrule have a tendency to screw things over, [it makes sense] for Hyrule to be a monarchy because Zelda’s power as the goddess incarnate is needed to defend against Ganon and other threats, [r]ight?”

I acknowledge the author is attempting to portray the royal family’s possible justification for their rule. However, until I reached the succeeding passage, I believed it was the author making this justification, given how the entire paragraph preceding this was pure speculation. Once again, this passage is speculative, as nobody in Hyrule has ever explicitly given any notable opinion concerning the royal family. Why try to justify your rule when nobody’s criticizing it?

Since the author brings up Zelda being a representation of Hylia, however, it does bring to mind a particular problem I have with the royal family suddenly being goddess-blood.

It completely recontextualizes the relationship between the royal family and the Sheikah.

According to Creating a Champion, the Sheikah have a deep devotion to the Goddess Hylia. Since the royal family is descended from the goddess reborn, the Sheikah thusly are deeply devoted to the goddess Hylia.

Source: Creating a Champion, p. 372

Now, the royal government using a minority group of people to do your dirty work is already scummy enough when you’re just a normal royal. In this case, however, the Sheikah are so devoted to their goddess that they will do anything for you. Whether it’s because certain monarchs are a “representation of a deity” remains to be seen, but the point is that they’ll do anything for you.

And the royal family takes complete advantage of a group of people unconditionally loyal to them, bidding them to do unspeakable things in the name of their religion, which for all intents and purposes is the royal family.

That’s absolutely deplorable, and it’s a wonder nobody’s brought attention to it yet, whether in-canon or in-fandom. What’s more, given how Impa is always Zelda’s attendant, this relationship is never questioned or criticized, whether it be by the Sheikah or Zelda herself.

And that’s terrifying.

-       “The reason Ganon is always an antagonist is because he’s the vessel for the curse of Demise.”

Demise was introduced in Skyward Sword. Demise is the root of all evil, the creator of monsters and conjuror of demons. He is pure evil in every sense from the word, the Zelda series’ version of Satan. Naturally, he’s as simple as you can get in terms of character. Barebones characterization, providing only just enough to tell the player exactly what they need to know:

He’s evil, he’s powerful, and he wants the Triforce. You have to stop him.

Ganondorf existed before Demise. Ganon had over twenty years of development before Demise brought his progress to a permanent flatline.

Who was Ganon before Demise?

Allow me to remind you.

In The Legend of Zelda, first released on February 21st, 1986, Ganon is simply described as “the Prince of Darkness,” and steals the Triforce of Power when he invades Hyrule. After the Triforce of Wisdom is shattered, he kidnaps Zelda.

He’s evil, he’s powerful, and he wants the Triforce. You have to stop him.

Although Ganon doesn’t physically appear in Zelda II: The Adventure of Link, released in 1987, his presence is still felt as his minions pursue Link in order to revive the Prince of Darkness. In fact, the game over screen is the successful revival of Ganon.

Now, given that these are the first two games in the series, it’s perfectly alright for Ganon to be as barebones as he was. After all, many villains at the time were the same way, with the most notable of Ganon’s counterparts being Bowser from the Super Mario Bros. franchise.

However, with innovation of technology comes innovation of narrative, and it’s with the release of A Link to the Past in 1993 on the SNES that we begin to see Ganon develop as a character. In the prologue to ALttP, Ganon is revealed to have once been human; he is given the name Mandrag Ganon—or Ganondorf Dragmire, as we now know him—and he was once the leader of a band of thieves who sieged the Sacred Realm and took control of the Triforce after murdering his own followers.

Source: A Link to the Past SNES game manual

Ganon is still irrevocably evil, but in this case, we begin to learn more about him. We begin to see a character starting to form. One who isn’t just mindlessly evil, but who has the charm and wit to infiltrate Hyrule Castle and earn the King of Hyrule’s trust in the guise of Agahnim. Ganon was also a very capable leader, having successfully led his band of thieves straight to the Triforce. Even after wishing upon the Triforce and corrupting the Sacred Realm, Ganon’s power attracted followers in the form of greedy, power-seeking people. He’s powerful not by brute force alone, but through his cunning use of intellect.

Ocarina of Time served to further develop Ganon in little ways. For example, this is the first game wherein, for the majority of the game, Ganon is seen and referred to by his human form: Ganondorf. Ganondorf is shown to be powerful enough and stealthy enough to infiltrate the homes of the Zora, the Gorons, and the Kokiri, and send dangerous hazards their way in an effort to seize the Spiritual Stones. At the same time, he is first seen at an audience with the King of Hyrule, as if there for diplomatic reasons.

Although Zelda sees Ganondorf as evil because of her prophetic dream, the King of Hyrule doesn’t believe her. Because of this, we can infer that Ganondorf has enough charm and charisma to, if not win over the King of Hyrule, not be seen as suspicious despite the horrible acts he’d committed, not just in the past, but at that very moment. He’s also shown to be highly cultured, shown at the end of Link’s ascent up Ganon’s Tower. Not only is Ganondorf playing his own theme, but he’s doing so on the pipe organ, which is notoriously one of, if not the most difficult musical instrument to master.

Once Ganondorf seizes the Triforce of Power, the kingdom of Hyrule is subjected to seven long years of his rule. During this time, normal people such as Ingo succumb to their greed and follow Ganondorf’s influence in pursuit of power and riches. Although Malon is naïve enough to believe Ingo was somehow under Ganondorf’s control, it’s clear to players that he was completely in control of his actions, and that Ganondorf’s rule brings out the worst in seemingly average people.

Image credit goes to YouTube user ZorZelda.

Even a Hylian knight can fall under this influence, with it highly inferred that the knight who once guarded a room of pots for Link to smash is now a twisted poe collector, the man even stating that he likes it better this way.

In Wind Waker, we finally see a more introspective side to Ganondorf. While he’s just as ruthless and fully ready to murder a child in the name of accomplishing his goal, he reveals the reason that started him on his path of darkness:

His people were suffering, and he wanted for his people what Hyrule had. He believed that taking Hyrule and taking the Triforce meant that his people could finally live freely, away from the harsh desert.

Now, I’ve seen this challenged time and time again. Was Ganondorf lying to distract or manipulate Link? Was he telling the truth? Is this what Ganondorf has convinced himself to believe, after so much time sealed away and in isolation? We will never know, and that’s part of what makes the game so interesting. Ganondorf’s portrayal is a large part of why so many people love Wind Waker, and it’s not hard to see why.

Perhaps the darkest the Zelda series has ever gone in terms of the Triforce’s power was in Twilight Princess. After freeing Lanayru, the Light Spirit warns Link of the dark power he seeks, the Fused Shadow. In order to do this, she explains the history of the Triforce, and the bloodshed brought by its allure to the darkness in the hearts of men. Before the construction of the Temple of Time, many battles were fought, and one of them was the “Interloper War” that inevitably resulted in the creation of, not only the Light Spirits, but the Twili and the Twilight Realm.

It’s important to note that Lanayru’s cautionary tale highlights that Link, the hero of the story, could succumb to the allure of the Triforce and dark magic just as easily as any other person. In this particular case, anyone could have fallen down the same path as Ganondorf. If anything, this tale is one of the most important bits of lore to take into consideration when discussing the series.

Anyone could have been in Ganondorf’s shoes. It could have happened to anyone.

Then, in one fell swoop, Skyward Sword ruined it.

In a single game, every bit of progress on Ganondorf is lost. Once again, we’re dragged down to the baseline characterization from the original game.

He’s evil, he’s powerful, and he wants the Triforce. You have to stop him.

Suddenly, everything the previous games had built up no longer matters. There’s no longer a need to question whether what Ganondorf did was solely out of greed, but also out of what he felt was necessity. There’s no need to wonder if Ganondorf was once a rational man, who succumbed to the irresistible pull of the Triforce like so many before him.

Ganondorf is, purely and simply, the reincarnation of Satan, so there’s no need to go any deeper than that.

And that’s why I hate this “vessel of Demise” thing. It completely undermines everything Ganondorf once was and reduces him to a single, cardboard cutout of a villain.

Moving on, before I get sad.

-       “This curse is specifically tied to Hylia’s bloodline and the Link’s soul, which is pretty specific…”

Demise’s curse is essentially dooming the earth with a never-ending rebirth of his hatred; his malice, if you would. The wording of his curse is specifically “people like you,” which could mean that it isn’t Link and Zelda’s exact souls that are tied to his hatred. Rather, people possessing the blood of the goddess and a heroic, courageous soul are doomed to deal with this curse.

However, my thoughts on this matter are pure speculation.

Also, Demise specifically targets his curse at people like Link and Zelda because they were the ones to kill him in the first place. That much is obvious.

-       “… [So] why do the clashes with Ganon always throw the fate of Hyrule into disarray? Because Zelda’s bloodline runs the country.”

Ganon would attack Hyrule even without Zelda’s family in charge. His pursuit of power and domination of the Triforce/Hyrule is therefore closely tied with the fate of Hyrule. Goddess blood on the throne has nothing to do with it.

-       “If Zelda came from a small town the curse would probably manifest in peril for that one region which isn’t great but it’s better than an apocalypse.”

Firstly, this is a run-on sentence. Secondly, I reiterate: Ganon would attack Hyrule as a whole, regardless if Zelda’s bloodline was on the throne. It wouldn’t matter if Zelda’s whole family suddenly moved to the countryside. When Ganon inevitably comes back, he’s still gonna go straight for the Triforce or to conquer all of Hyrule. Goddess blood isn’t even part of the equation for Ganon. And if goddess blood isn’t there to stop him, then that’s even better.

Alright, so I’m not even going to bother gratifying the last two paragraphs of the response with an answer, because it’s all rambling that has nothing to do with the original argument. Relinquishing the throne would do nothing to right any wrongs dealt to the many people who were hurt, and evil doesn’t care about a single princess with goddess blood or a boy with a pointy stick.

In conclusion, the addition of Hylia made it so that the royal family’s power dynamic with the Sheikah is even more critically imbalanced than it originally was, making the exile of the Sheikah 10,000 years ago even more heinous than it originally was. Yet, because Hylia is portrayed as wholly good and incapable of doing wrong, despite in-game evidence to the contrary, the royal family, and Zelda by extension, will never be criticized for any wrongdoing. In fact, doing so may well be heresy, if the responses to my original post are anything to go by.

By comparison, the addition of Demise diminishes Ganondorf’s character, rendering him down from the makings of a complex, human character—where anyone could have easily been in his place and had the same greed and ambition for power—into simply the reincarnation of the literal devil, where of course he’s evil, and you don’t have to do any digging beneath the surface. Ganondorf is the reincarnation of Demise, or his hate, or his vessel, so he’s pure evil and nothing more.

And that’s the greatest disservice Nintendo has ever dealt to The Legend of Zelda.

#legend of zelda #ganondorf #princess zelda #breath of the wild #botw #loz #tloz #ocarina of time #twilight princess #zelda #link to the past #alttp #wind waker #ganon #the legend of zelda #hylia #goddess hylia #demise

[just-honey-dewd]

Little tid-bits I took from Angel Dust’s song “Addict”

Best described as stuff I noticed from the song’s visuals that I couldn’t add to the Angel Dust song master post. If I miss anything interesting, please let me know. 

Cherri’s minor redesign

The right arm previously had a fingerless glove with grey stripes and hearts, but got changed to a bare arm with a bunch of red tattoos telling of Cherri’s affiliation wtih bombs and explosions. A little unnecessary detail to add on -- very reminiscent of Husk’s overdecorated wings -- but I won’t criticize.

The second less obvious change was the loss of suspenders, her left arm’s fingerless glove turning from black to red, and the hair tied up being a slight shade of blonde in place of the previously same shade of pink.

Angel is allowed to hit people on the job. 

Probably because Hell and what-not. Not to mention, that guy definitely looked into it.

Cherri’s mystery guy resembles a previous Zoophobia character Viv created

All there is to know about him is that his name was Izzi. Whether this guy will keep this name is all up in the air.

Angel’s reaction to being touched by Charlie

I don’t see Angel as being touch averse like Alastor, but I see this little scene as a side effect of Val’s constant sexual abuse -- Angel is just getting over a hangover from last night’s “party” so he wouldn’t be as conscious of his environment or the people around him. So anyone who touched him then would’ve been seen as Val -- aka; a threat. That expression on the second shot expresses paralyzed fear, which gets quickly replaced by contempt when he realizes it’s Charlie. He legitimately is haunted by Val, that in a moment where he’s currently at his most unguarded and vulnerable -- any hand on him would instantly spook him.

On top of that, hangovers make a person more irritable and cranky -- so even when he realized it was Charlie, she pestered him by touching him while he was in a foul mood, so he doesn’t care if he’s being mean to her in that moment. The guy’s otherwise probably comfortable and tolerant of bullshit outside of his hangover days.

The Red Smoke - Small theory

I’m fairly curious about the significance of the red smoke shown throughout the music video. Is it a motif to Val’s character? A motif to the element of addiction or self-indulgence? Does the red smoke possess any magical properties? Will it appear again when we meet Val in the series?  

I’m already speculating it to be either:

1)  A product of Val’s power (or something along the lines of that) -- a sort of drug that nulls any and all rational thought or pain, making the victim ease into their desires and become intoxicated with lust, desire or submissiveness.

OR

2)  A visual representation of self-indulgence or destructive behavior, showcasing Val being the main exposure to Angel’s current addiction. Cherri doesn’t have that red smoke on her though, so I’m leaning towards my first speculation.

Adding on to my first conclusion, if the red smoke is indeed Val’s power, it either takes a couple of seconds to take effect or it’s not super effective. Looking at Angel’s face seconds after the smoke reached him, his face fails to convey genuine pleasure or euphoria, to me at least. And it would explain why Val ain’t smiling either in that shot. 

As he’s singing this, there are undertones of bitterness and sardonic spite to the words “This is the mantra, this is my life” 

Like he’s in perpetual disbelief with himself that he could screw up so bad in life to end up in the lowest form of hell, in hell itself. but i might just be reading into it too much

ADDITIONAL NOTE:

The red smoke takes multiple forms in the music video

1)  It takes the form of the alluring hand of Val, pulling Angel out of his short confrontation with reality -- and forcing him further into his addictions and destructive behavior.

2)  Hearts that could be interpreted as either Val blowing intoxicated kisses to Angel, or him compelling Angel to fall back in love with this life, him, or both. 

3)  Literal chains, cuz they weren’t subtle enough about the prison-like nature of Angel’s behaviour.

4)  And finally, nondescript drugs which he snorts -- directly parallels the likely scene which took place resulting in his fatality.

Like I said, I don’t see it as super effective in getting Angel to do what he wants, and I’m certain that it’s because the red smoke acts similarly to taking drugs and/or alcohol. If taken often, one can gain a strong tolerance, thus making it harder for Val to put under influence.

I think Angel’s aware of the effects of the red smoke emitting from those cigarettes, but smokes them anyway to ease into the pain of reality. As seen in the image below, the smoke is less prominent and overbearing compared to Val — but it’s still there. To me, it’s the small remnants of self-inflicted pain which Angel keeps from resting. He knows he’s in perpetual pain with himself, he’s aware of what’s happening to him and what the red smoke does to him, but he simply doesn’t care. To him, death’s not even a privilege for him to have, so he’ll be as damaging to himself as long as the extreme highs keep coming. Val can keep him in this perpetual cycle of pain and reward as Angel is too infatuated with this life, doesn’t have the self-esteem or confidence to believe he deserves better, and in fact, gains masochistic pleasure from the pain.

At this point, the song is making me curious as to where it'll take place chronologically in the story. It probably takes place before the pilot, since he’s sulking outside of his room alone -- and his room seems unclean, so Niffty has yet to of been summoned.

Comparatively shorter post than usual, but there’s only so much you can dissect in 5 minutes of pure visuals. Thanks for reading.

#my posts #hazbin hotel #addict #angel dust #hazbin hotel angel dust #angel dust hazbin hotel #angel dust song #hh #had this in my docs for too long #i can finally get rid of that single tab that kept taunting me by contributing to the overwhelming amount of tabs in my chrome #one tab down #several dozen more to go

[danfanciesphil]

too high (can’t come down) by @danfanciesphil

Suspending himself 7,000 feet above the rest of the world seems likely to be a sure-fire way for Dan to escape normality, and isolate himself for the foreseeable future. The Secret of the Alps, a small hotel tucked into the side of the Swiss mountains is too niche for most avid adventurers to have heard of, making it the perfect place for Dan to work as he sorts through his problems. Unfortunately, privacy is a coveted thing, and as Dan soon finds out, the hotel harbours one guest who values it more than most.

Rating: Explicit Tags: Enemies to lovers, snow, mountains, skiing, hostility, slow burn, secrecy, longing, repression, nobility, classism, cheating, eventual sex

Ao3 Link

Chapter One Chapter Two Chapter Three Chapter Four Chapter Five Chapter Six Chapter Seven Chapter Eight Chapter Nine Chapter Ten Chapter Eleven Chapter Twelve Chapter Thirteen Chapter Fourteen Chapter Fifteen Chapter Sixteen Chapter Seventeen Chapter Eighteen Chapter Nineteen

Chapter Twenty (Final Chapter!) *NSFW*

[Three Months Later]

‘...on Friday, Philip Lester (formerly Novokoric) spoke at the Refuge Centre for Domestic Abuse Victims, where he opened up about his own experience with emotional marital abuse. Since his scandalous divorce from Sir Nikolai Novokoric of Switzerland, Lester has become a dedicated philanthropist, using his notoriety which arose during the controversial coverage of the split to spread awareness about domestic abuse, LGBTQ+ discrimination, homelessness, poverty, and many other important global issues. This Tuesday, Lester is expected to appear at the United Nations conference to discuss Third World Poverty…’

The folding seat beside Dan’s is wrenched down, and a young woman with badly-dyed pink hair plops into it, holding a Starbucks cup and an Urban Outfitters tote bag stuffed with books and papers. Dan lowers the lid of his laptop to shift some of his stuff out of the way of her feet.

“Is it just me or does it get more rammed in here every week?” the girl says. Dan stares at her in mild dismay; usually he projects such a cold, unfriendly aura that nobody dares sit within two seats of him. He’s seen this girl in a few classes before, but he can only barely remember her name. It’s something like Ramona, or Rowena... Or maybe it’s neither. She turns to Dan, brandishing a strong, confident smile. “I’m Roshina.” Ah. Neither. “You’re Dan, right? The guy who dropped out and then... dropped in again.”

She tips her head back and cackles for a second, then begins pulling various things out of the tote bag. Dan grimaces, staring at the little cacti prints decorating the bag. What is it with hipster girls and succulents? 

Whilst he’s not thrilled that he’s apparently earned a reputation amongst the student body as the notorious failed quitter, he hasn’t the energy to challenge her on it.

“Guess so,” he replies in a mutter. 

He opens his laptop again, hoping it might signal to her that he’s busy, and not up for a conversation. Of course, every line of the article is like having someone plunge a fresh, thin needle into his chest, slowly stitching the word ‘fool’ into his skin. But his need for information about Phil is as urgent as his need for water. He can’t look away. 

“Ooh, I love that guy,” Roshina says, leaning in towards Dan to read the article as well. She leans her elbow on the back of his seat, the coffee in her hand hovering close to Dan’s nose; it’s something chai-spiced. Dan recoils as subtly as he can, pressing himself into the opposite edge of the chair. 

The article includes a photo of Phil behind a podium, his glasses on, wearing an impassioned expression, mouth open halfway through some dramatic statement or other. 

“If I were as famous as him and I’d just, like, lost my hot rich husband,” Roshina says, loudly, right into Dan’s ear, “I’d have no shame. I’d be applying to Big Brother or Love Island. Just shows there are some blokes willing to do the decent thing after all!”  

Dan cannot imagine why Roshina thinks he’d care what she might hypothetically get up to in her fantasy version of Phil’s life. He imagines Phil sneering at this girl’s audacity, saying something snippy and derisive like: ‘And if I were as vapid as you, I’d perhaps rethink my decision to pursue a career in the legal field, as it’s highly unlikely anyone’s going to hire a solicitor with bubblegum pink hair.’ It makes Dan smile, just a bit, and then in the next second, he’s back to being a bitter old maid. 

“I wouldn’t give him too much credit,” Dan grumbles, eyes stuck to the photo of Phil, spewing some boring line about domestic abuse like he didn’t need to be practically dragged to his own divorce settlement by the cuff of his ear. “He’s probably getting a buttload for all these appearances.”

She snorts at him, rather loudly and obnoxiously considering this is, as far as Dan remembers, their first conversation. “Don’t you read Perez Hilton? He keeps zilch. All profits from his public appearances go to the charity he’s promoting at the time.”

Dan throat suddenly feels very dry. All profits? What’s he living on? He scrolls down the page a bit more; Roshina jabs at his screen suddenly with a short, green fingernail. She’s pointing to another article advertised at the side of this one, with the headline: ‘Give and Thou Shalt Receive: Phil Lester spotted with Possible New Man’.

“Click that one!” Roshina squeals excitedly. “It was just posted!”

Dan is about to tell Roshina in a clipped, irritable tone that he would rather pick up her fluffy pen and drive it into his eye, but she’s already batting his hand away, apparently oblivious to social etiquette. He’s trapped in his seat, forced to watch as she clicks the baiting link. A photo pops up at once, taken through an open car door, of Phil crammed into the back seat with Martyn and a ‘mystery’ person. Except it’s not a mystery-person. Not to Dan, and not to the author of this article, who has, to their credit, obviously done their homework. 

Dan shifts uncomfortably as Roshina laps up the photo, eyes round and gleaming. He feels nauseous, and the smell wafting from her latte is not helping. Not that anything helps the sickness that sits at the bottom of his belly perpetually nowadays. Ever since he re-enrolled, courtesy of his doting and quietly ecstatic parents, Dan has been off food, off socialising, off anything much except sitting in his room scrolling through the endless media cycle of Phil-related articles. 

“Says here this dude used to be Nikolai’s photographer!” Roshina exclaims. Dan says nothing. He doesn’t want to entertain speculative notions that just because PJ, who used to work for Nikolai, has been papped in Phil’s proximity, that it means they’re dating. Even the idea of it has Dan gripping the hard plastic of his armrest to staunch his wave of paranoia. “PJ Ligouri is a UK-based photographer that jumped ship from Nikolai’s press team alongside his former PA Cornelia Dahlgren. The latter is currently dating Martyn Lester, Phil’s older brother. Suspicions of PJ’s involvement with the younger Lester were first aroused when he was noticed photographing Phil’s appearance at last month’s Climate Change Festival-”

Dan slams the lid of the laptop closed so suddenly that Roshina squeaks, yanking her fingers away just in time. “Battery’s low,” he mutters, folding his arms across his chest. He sinks down in his seat, intending to stay that way until the lecture starts, letting the white noise of Roshina’s indignant voice keep his intrusive and unpleasant thoughts of Phil and PJ, and all the things they might be doing, at bay. 

*

“Hey,” Martyn says, “it’s Corn for you. She wants a private word.”

Phil frowns, not looking up. “Tell her I’m the wrong brother to call for that sort of thing.”

“She says it’s pretty serious,” Martyn says, ignoring him. 

Phil lets out a frustrated sigh, letting the open file he’s been reading fall to the couch cushion beside him. The Red Cross have sent him a buttload of information that he needs to know inside out before his address at the United Nations conference later today. He’s been back and forth with the Red Cross for weeks through phone calls and emails trying to get up to speed, but there’s so much to know in such a short space of time. He has to look like he’s dedicated to this project, and he is, but the UN invited him last minute - he hasn’t had a lot of time to prepare. 

He’ll have even less time if Cornelia keeps pestering him about schedules and meetings or whatever this is about. Of course, despite her constant bothering, Phil would lick the soles of her comfortable-but-cool sneakers to keep her around. She’s a scarily good Press Agent, Phil has no idea how Martyn ever took her on back when they were rivals. They work much better as a team, sharing the role for Phil on a voluntary basis, whilst working a few other part-time jobs. 

“Something about a girl with blue hair?” Martyn prompts, and Phil’s heart skips. 

“Hand it over.”

“Say please to your big brother,” PJ scolds from the other end of the couch, though he doesn’t look away from his phone screen, which he’s been Skyping his girlfriend on for the past half hour. He angles the phone at Phil, pulling his headphones out of the jack; Sophie’s round, sweet face fills the screen. “Soph, tell him to use his manners. You’re a lady.”  

“Use manners,” Sophie says, then pulls up her nostrils to look like a snout. “But I’m no lady.”

Phil smiles at her, but his heart is pounding too violently to give her a proper response. He holds his hand out for the phone in Martyn’s hand instead. PJ plugs his headphones back in, voice lowering. 

“Hey, Corn,” Phil says as soon as the phone is against his ear. “What’s up?”

“Hey,” Cornelia says, then clears her throat. She’s not diving straight in to whatever she has to say, so Phil immediately knows this is a sensitive topic. He stands from the uncomfortable sofa he’s sat on, moving over to the window, as far away from Martyn and PJ as he can get in this tiny room. “So, Mona Kemp just contacted me. You remember her? From The Secret of the Alps hotel.”

Phil rolls his eyes. “Yes, I remember the manager of my prison cell, funnily enough.”

She clears her throat again. “Right. Yeah. Well, apparently they’ve just rented out your suite for the first time since you left.”

Phil waits, but Cornelia seems to need prompting. “Uh huh…”

“And the new guests, um, found something.”

The tiny workers controlling Phil’s brain are suddenly thrown into uproar, frantically combing through his memory for any inkling of what incriminating item he might have left in that godforsaken place. His jaw clenches so hard he can feel a twitch, but he stoically stares through the glass pane to hide his panic from the other people in the room.

“Oh?”

“It was like a… recording device?” Cornelia says, and Phil wishes he could see her in the flesh, read her expression to know how bad it is. 

Although they’re both technically in the same building, the United Nations Headquarters are impossibly huge. She’s downstairs somewhere amongst the thousands of behind-the-scenes worker bees, making arrangements with press and security for the conference. It’ll be hours before she finds her way back up to this bare, lifeless green room they’ve been given use of. 

His eyes flutter closed, picturing Dan, stood defiantly at the foot of a four-poster bed in his wrongly-buttoned shirt, his soft cheeks pink from exertion, spewing garbled information about a thieving girl with blue hair, and how she’d recorded him arguing on the phone. 

“Mona seemed to know who’d put it there somehow, I don’t know,” Cornelia continues in a harried voice. “She said it was the daughter of some family that won a holiday up there. Anyway, obviously this device is a serious breach of privacy, and I’m sure that if you wanted to press charges-”

“What’s on it?”

“Hm?”

Phil pinches the bridge of his nose between his forefinger and thumb, conscious of saying too much in case he alerts Martyn, who is already at maximum stress level, and probably listening right behind him. The seams of Phil’s head are bursting, still crammed with straggles of information about water filtration systems and monthly overseas school supplies. He can’t take this in right now, can’t be bothered to give an annoying fangirl brat with an inflated ego the time of day. And on top of that, he cannot listen to Cornelia pretend she hasn’t already listened to that recording, whatever it is, from start to finish. 

“What’s on it, Cornelia? Don’t play dumb.”

There’s a pause; Phil looks over his shoulder and catches Martyn’s eye. He immediately tries to busy himself with meaningless tasks, neatening files and shoving PJ’s lighting equipment into the corner of the room. Phil turns back to the window, shaking his head. Martyn is just as much of a dirty snoop as his fiancé is. They’re made for each other.

At last, Cornelia speaks. She sounds like she’s moved somewhere with less people in the background. “There’s a few. They’re… mostly x-rated.”

A deep, dizzying flush sweeps down Phil’s body, and he feels his mind threatening to fold inwards on itself. Thanks to a herd of mediation and personal response trainers that Nikolai had him spend weeks with years prior, Phil is able to keep himself relatively calm. He breathes in through his nose, out through his mouth, and stays quiet for a minute whilst he thinks of something to say that will help the situation.

“Send the recordings to me,” Phil instructs after a moment. He keeps expecting a sudden surge of anger to well up inside of him - at the blue-haired girl, at Nikolai, at Dan, at himself even - but all that floods through him is a deep, swirling melancholy, dappled with peaks of intense regret. “And for the love of God don’t show anyone else. Especially my brother.”

“Okay, boss.”

“And tell Mona thank you for… being discreet.”

He doesn’t need to check that Mona had quickly and quietly taken the recording device down with a crisp, dismissive explanation to the new guests. He also doesn’t need to check that she hadn’t listened to them herself; Mona is an honest, rule-abiding woman, and would never dream of such a thing. He should send her a fruit basket one day. ...When he can afford fruit baskets again. 

“I will,” Cornelia assures him. “What do you want to do about the girl?”

“What girl?”

“The blue-haired girl. She could have really messed things up-”

“Don’t do anything,” Phil says sternly. “She wants attention. Notoriety. Don’t give her any.”

“Got it.”

“Just send me those recordings. Then get rid of any copies you or anyone else has, for God’s sake.” He hesitates. “Perv.”

She giggles. “Sounds to me like you’re the perv, mate. Not sure I’d have let someone blindfold me on the first shag, he must’ve been really into you-”

“Fuck off, Corn,” Phil says tiredly, no venom in his voice, then hangs up. 

He goes back to his case files with a weight in his chest. They’re suddenly a lot harder to take in. 

*

The bed Phil currently calls his own is far less luxurious than the one he used to sprawl out in when he was a resident of The Secret of the Alps hotel. It’s barely even a bed, really, as it pulls out from a couch, but Phil never bothers folding it away, as he’s only ever in here to sleep. Sleep is what he should be doing right now, in fact, but there’s no way he could drift off right now, not after hearing what he’s just heard.

Phil stares at the battered play button on the audio player window that’s open on his laptop, which balances on his knee. If he clicks it again, it will be the fifth time he’s heard the final recording Cornelia sent over, which is far too many times to be reasonable. She certainly hadn’t been wrong in her description of the audio. X-rated is possibly even a little demure. 

He worries his lower lip between his teeth, hand long ago having reached beneath the covers to ease some of the intense pressure between his legs. He shouldn’t click play again. The other person in this recording is long gone, and his quick exit was more than enough of a message that he doesn’t want to be found. There’s no point in torturing himself with Dan’s ghost. His... incredibly hot ghost. His fingers press more insistently against his crotch. 

Just then, an email from Cornelia pings up in the corner of Phil’s screen. He whips his hand away from his pyjama trousers, feeling very weird about doing any such thing whilst his sister-in-law-to-be is contacting him. To distract himself from the urgent pulses of arousal coming from beneath the covers, he clicks the email.

From: Mona Kemp To: Cornelia Dahlgren

Fwd: Phil Lester

Dear Ms Dahlgren,

On my first attempt to send over the recordings, it appears the hotel’s rather dated computer system failed to include this final, rather short one. I’ve attached it in this email. Once I’ve confirmed you have received it, I shall dispose of the recordings altogether.

Please send Mr Lester my sincerest apologies again for the atrocious breach of privacy. I no longer have his contact information, but he is welcome to get in touch with me for a formal apology, and we would be more than happy to compensate him with a free stay whenever he might choose to return.

Sincerely,

Mona Kemp Hotel Manager of The Secret of the Alps

Upon reading the line ‘free stay whenever he might choose to return’, Phil lets out a loud snort. Poor Mona. He’ll never tell her, but he’d have to be dragged back onto that cable car kicking and screaming. Even then, he’d probably beg Kaspar to hurl him out of it before they reached the summit. He’ll see how he feels about another trip up there in a few years, perhaps with time his stint there won’t feel as traumatising. 

He clicks the attached recording, readying himself for yet another auditory reminder of his sordid, expletive-riddled, excruciatingly hot fling with Dan. There’s a crackle as it begins playing, and Phil turns up the volume, straining to hear anything more than a few vague rustles. This doesn’t sound like the other recordings. Perhaps the device had just picked up Phil talking in his sleep or something.

And then, he hears Dan’s voice. “Phil?” It’s quiet, but clear as a bell. “Phil.”

Phil sucks in a breath. It’s not that three months have wiped the memory of Dan’s voice from his mind, but when he hears it echo through his eardrums, it’s usually the words he spat in that last argument, when he’d announced he was leaving, as if Phil wouldn’t give a damn. He hasn’t thought of Dan’s softer, sweeter voice in some time. He’d forgotten how Dan could sound, at times, without the strain of lust or fury warping his vocal chords. 

Then there comes a muffled ‘thump’, followed by a grunt of pain.

“Wha?” Phil’s voice says.

Phil clicks pause and checks the timestamp for the recording. It reads 02:01am on 14th April. That’s the day Dan left. Early in the morning. How come he can’t remember this?

His heart thuds, coming to the gradual realisation that he’s listening to a conversation he’s never heard before. One he never even knew had taken place. Had Dan come to say goodbye to him after all? Has Phil been living under the impression that Dan had snubbed him, ran off without a word, when really…

Phil sits up straighter, turning the volume up to the highest level. He clicks play again. 

*

“Did you watch the stream of your fave giving his rousing speech at the UN?” Roshina asks as she settles herself into the seat beside Dan’s again.

Silently, Dan begs her to sit literally anywhere else, but her mind is apparently closed to telepathy. He wonders if she’d believe he’s suddenly been struck totally deaf. Unlikely, but it might be worth a try if it meant he didn’t have to talk about Phil again today; he’s only just stopped crying for long enough intervals to make it to class.

“Yeah, uh, think I saw some clips on Twitter,” Dan replies, aiming for the sweet spot between vague and already-up-to-speed. 

In truth, he watched it start to finish, at 1am because of the time difference, hunkered over his laptop in bed, tears streaming down his face. 

“God, wasn’t he marvellous?” she sighs, hauling a load of books and pens she won’t use out of her tote again. Yes, he was. “He can hold a room for sure. I think it’s ‘cause you can tell he’s passionate about this. ” She grins at him. “Or maybe it’s because of his deep, sexy voice. D’you think?” 

Dan stares back at her, wondering if she genuinely expects him to respond with words. “Uh...” 

Luckily, she doesn’t seem too bothered about Dan agreeing. She pulls out her phone and begins cycling through her social media apps with the concentration of an atomic physicist. “Oh look,” Roshina exclaims just when Dan thought he might get a moment of peace, “our man is trending.”

Dan digs his fingernails into his palm. Don’t look. Just don’t look. “Can I see?” he asks, hating himself.

She angles her phone at him. There are two hashtags pertaining to Phil. The first is #AmazingPhil. The second is #PhilsUNSpeech. Roshina clicks the first, and scrolls slowly down a timeline of people enthusing about Phil’s fiery yet intelligent speech which he gave at the United Nations headquarters yesterday afternoon, about the poverty crisis in several African countries. He seems to have really knocked it out of the park, judging by the response he’s getting. Dan drinks the raining compliments down greedily, trying to glean, selfish though it may be, what Phil’s mental state might be right now, in reaction to all the sudden attention directed his way. One particular tweet catches his attention. 

@nikolaischmikolai: saw #amazingphil at the airport after the conference! such a cool guy, didnt get a selfie cos he was in a hurry to get his flight but he signed my ticket with a Muse quote! #inspiration

Back at the airport, Dan notes. Already jet-setting off to his next glamorous public appearance. It won’t take long until people start throwing money at him for all this ‘charity work’. They’ll give him a Netflix documentary series, or a book deal, or any of the other wank that just gets handed to celebrities. 

“Lucky guy, seeing him IRL. I wonder what he’s like in person,” Roshina ponders, scrolling through more tweets. 

“An emotionally stunted, obnoxious adrenaline junkie with no filter on the silver spoon stuck in his gob,” Dan mutters, before realising he said that slightly too loud. Roshina is staring at him oddly. He shrugs, pinkening. “I imagine, anyway.”

Thankfully, before Roshina can respond, Professor Warren calls the class to attention, flicking the PowerPoint to the title page, which reads, ‘Marital Dissolution: The Litigation of Separation and Divorce’. The irony is stifling.

*

Sleep is closing in on Dan from all sides. He’s trying to resist the urge to slip into blissful unconsciousness, but Professor Warren’s baritone voice is making it so difficult to stay alert. His eyelids sag, then shut entirely. It’s just as the waves of promised unconsciousness are beginning to draw him out into that sweet, deep void that the door of the lecture hall opens with its hideous squeak. Dan frowns, inching down further in his uncomfortable chair to try and get away from the noise.

“Excuse me,” a loud, plummy voice calls, interrupting Professor Warren mid-flow. Dan frowns harder; the voice is instantly grating, as if it knows to burrow straight beneath Dan’s skin. It skims along the shores of his half-dream, splashing through the shallows in the distance, but Dan is too far out to be reached. “Is Dan Howell in this class?”

Dan’s eyes snap open.

“Young man, I am in the middle of a lecture!” Professor Warren replies in his gruff, incredulous voice, the one he uses in seminars to pick on students who haven’t done the reading. Dan’s been on the receiving end of this voice rather too often. “I must insist that you wait outside until-”

“I’m sorry, Professor, but this can’t wait,” the voice says, even louder. “Dan Howell? Dan, are you in here?”

A slight Northern tinge is detectable beneath the upper-class overtones. Chills course down Dan’s arms. This cannot be happening. He sneaks a glance at Roshina; her mouth is a round, pink circle, eyes bugged out so far it looks almost cartoonish. He looks left and right, noting that several people are also turning his way, alight with excitable intrigue. It’s no use. He’s going to have to confront this... situation. Dan sits up just enough that he can peer through the shoulders of the people in front of him, to the short flight of stairs that lead up to the lecture hall door.

It’s beyond surreal, to take in the sight of Phil, here, in this dingy light-less hall, looking exactly the same as ever, but somehow startlingly different. He feels as though the image of him has smacked sharply into the back of his head. In the next moment, Dan realises that Roshina has literally smacked him.

“You know him?!” she hisses, incensed. “Why didn’t you say?”

Phil lets out a suffering sigh that makes Dan’s teeth grit together. He’s gazing out across the rows of students as if he were surveying his Kingdom. Dan hunches over, trying to hide. There must be a hundred people in here, thank heavens. Suddenly, Roshina has her green-taloned claw on his upper arm; she hauls him up with surprising strength, though he does his best to struggle free. 

“Dan,” Phil calls out a second time to the general room, ignoring the fact that Professor Warren looks to be on the verge of spontaneous combustion, “I kind of know you’re in here. Could you just… I need to talk to you.”

Dan swallows, feeling the back of his neck prickle from how many eyes are on him now. Phil isn’t wearing his glasses; perhaps he’s blinder than Dan assumed he was, as Roshina now has him in a vice grip, ensuring he stays bolt upright in the chair. 

“It’s just dawned on me who you are, young man,” Professor Warren says then, cold, “and I’m sure in your world this kind of disruptive behaviour is tolerated. But this is an academic setting, not a press interview. Please leave my lecture. You may speak with whomever you like in an hour.”

“Dan, I know you’re in love with me,” Phil says, with a sweet, butter-wouldn’t-melt smile. “I think we should talk about that, maybe.”

Cheeks furiously flaming, Dan looks down at his folding desk covered in meagre study tools for some kind of murder weapon. The best he has is a laptop charger, which he might be able to fashion into some kind of lasso and choke Phil from afar if he really tried. Stifled snickers erupt behind people’s hands, and practically everyone is staring at him now. With little other option, Dan shoots to his feet, stuffing everything in his bag. He doesn’t give Phil the satisfaction of meeting his eye, but as he’s finally shut his gob, Dan reckons the dickhead has spotted him at last.

Bag slung over one shoulder, Dan forces his way past Roshina’s fishnet-wrapped knees, then past a few other amused students to the aisle. He stalks down the stairs as quickly as possible, head down. He can sense Professor Warren’s disapproving glare on him; this little stunt will not earn him any favours, and he’s already on the Prof’s list of ne’er-do-wells. Once he begins the climb of stairs towards the hall doors, Dan finally lifts his head to aim his icy expression at the infuriating human that has inexplicably decided to saunter in and humiliate Dan like no time at all has passed. The corner of Phil’s mouth is lifted just a tad. Dan had honestly forgotten, what with all the heartache, just how punchable he is.

He says nothing, just grabs Phil by the upper arm and marches him up the remainder of stairs, then through the doors. Once they’re outside the lecture hall, which opens directly onto the main outdoor campus, Dan lets go of Phil like he’s burning, and strides across the tarmac, feeling the burn of mortification stinging him from all sides. Of course it’s raining, Dan thinks as he walks, the scent of rain-soaked concrete misting the air.

It’s not long before he hears footsteps hurrying after him. “Dan, wait!”

Furious, Dan stops in his tracks and whirls around. “What are you doing here?”

Phil comes to an abrupt halt in front of him, eyes round. He blinks at Dan, mouth parted; for a moment, Dan is equally dumbstruck. Seeing him so close, after months of only glimpsing him through a screen, is disconcerting. Was he always this stunning? Did Dan really somehow grow used to the vivid, swirling blue of his eyes? 

“I… could ask you the same question,” Phil says after a while. 

The annoying non-answer immediately slaps Dan back from gooey-ville. He gives Phil a withering look. “I’m a student here.”

“Thought you dropped out.”

Dan grits his teeth again. How is it that Phil always knows to pick at the very knots Dan doesn’t want to unravel? 

“Well, I dropped in again.” He folds his arms across his chest. To his utter dismay, a smattering of the students milling around the campus plaza have begun to look up from their phones and tablets. There’s a lot of pointing and murmuring going on, presumably because ‘Amazing Phil’ has appeared out of the blue to fight with some normie. “Why’d you have to announce to the entire hall that I’m ‘in love’ with you?” Dan demands, pointedly using air quotes to convey the ridiculousness of that concept. “I have to finish out the year with the people in there.”

“Actually, you don’t have to do that.”

“Don’t start.”

“What?”

“Don’t start with the whole ‘you gave up on giving up’ thing. I know, okay? I’m back exactly where I was before we met, hating every aspect of my life. But we can’t all be famous charitable heartthrobs.”

Phil smirks, his lowered eyelashes catching tiny droplets of rain. “Heartthrob?”

“Oh my God,” Dan says, one hand coming to his damp forehead, “what do you want?”

An actual crowd of people is forming around them, seemingly oblivious to the fact they’re all steadily getting soaked. Dan wants rather badly to bolt far away from this spot. But that would mean leaving Phil behind, again, and annoyed though he is, he just can’t wrench himself away a second time, not when he’s only just reappeared. Phil shifts, pulling his smart jacket tighter, eyeing the people gathering around them. Several of them have unsubtly pulled out their phones to film this exchange. 

“I had this dream,” Phil says, inexplicably.

“That’s great, Martin Luther King,” Dan says dryly, “I’m sure your doting fans would love to hear all about it, so just look into one of these nice people’s lenses and remember to speak clearly-”

“I had this dream that you crawled into bed with me,” Phil interrupts, continuing as if Dan hadn’t spoken. An eruption of titters spills from their group of onlookers; Dan has to close his eyes and breathe to stop himself from stepping forwards and kicking Phil in the kneecap. “In the middle of the night. And you asked me to give you a reason to stay with me.” 

Immediately, the backs of Dan’s eyes strain and ache, pushing tears into his ducts. He wills the rain to fall harder, to disguise his reaction in case he can’t keep the tears from spilling over. 

“And in my dream,” Phil continues, “I couldn’t think of a reason. I just thought... you must already know how much I like you. I’d told you so many times that you were constantly on my mind. I’d done stupid, reckless things to be with you for just a few hours. I’d left my husband. But there you were, in my dream, asking me for something more. I couldn’t understand what it was you wanted me to say. I didn’t have anything left. Nothing I could think of that might stop you leaving.”

The rain is soaking through Dan’s t-shirt, sticking it to his skin. He shivers, trying to let the alien words fold into his drizzled, muddy mind. 

“It’s too late for this,” Dan points out, toeing the tarmac with the tip of his trainer, watching the light grey slabs slowly pinpricking with dark circles. “And it was just a dream, like you said.”

“I’ve thought of a reason, though.”

Dan’s eyes lift. He wants to say he doesn’t care, that their brief attempt to grasp at the wisp of some connection that sparked between them was doomed from the start. The chance has passed them by - they’re no longer up a mountain with only each other for company, they’re back in the gritty rainy reality of their starkly different lives. 

But he also aches, body and soul, to know that reason. The thing Phil never said, that Dan has imagined him saying every day since. God help him, he yearns to hear it more than he yearns for oxygen in his next breath. So he says nothing, lips pressing tight. 

“I was really lonely,” Phil says, grimacing as a fat raindrop strikes his pale cheek. “I spent three years in a far off retreat nobody knew about, cut off from everything I’d known. The cold of that place, along with the isolation... I think it seeped into my bones. I just went numb. I forgot how to feel anything.”

Dan looks away, casting his gaze around the people on the periphery of this strange conversation, all of them listening intently, so ready for some dramatic story to add to their social media timeline.

“And then you came,” Phil says, apparently oblivious to the entourage. “Like you’d been flung up the mountain by mistake. You had no more clue why you were there than anyone else. And you were so…” he heaves a sigh, running fingers through damp, dark hair. “So fucking annoying.”

A ripple of laughter goes up around them; Dan chokes out a cough of indignation. “Isn’t this supposed to be a reason you wanted me to stay?”

Phil smiles, showing the barest hint of teeth. “You got on every single one of my nerves. It was like you’d specifically been planted there to piss me off. Everything about you was just… so frustrating.”

Dan cocks a suggestive eyebrow, because it’s decidedly his turn to embarrass Phil after the many things he’s inferred about Dan so far. On camera. “There were occasions where Louise had to pull me aside and cool me off so I wouldn’t beat you with your ski pole. So don’t think it was one-sided.”

“But that’s just it,” Phil says, taking a teensy step closer. Dan’s backpack strap is sodden, and his face is misted with moisture, but he can’t seem to make himself move an inch, because Phil - god damn him - looks fucking incredible all wet, in a Mr Darcy-emerging-from-the-lake sort of way. “You made me feel things again. Sure, most of the feelings were anger and exasperation, but it was still better than the void that was there before.”

“Wow. I don’t know what to say. This is all so romantic,” Dan says scornfully; their audience titters, and Dan feels a small surge of pride that this time they’re laughing with him. “Are you getting to some kind of point?”

“Yeah,” Phil says, laughing. “I was so alone, and I owe you so much.”

Dan snorts, turning on his heel. Enough. “That’s a line from Sherlock, you dick-”

“Hey, I’m fucking about, I can do better,” Phil pleads, grabbing his arm. Dan thinks about pulling away, but he settles for just turning to glare some more, very aware of Phil’s touch, how his warm, wet fingers feel even through the soggy material of his t-shirt. “How about…” 

Phil is really close to him now, his deep thinking cutting a crease between his brows. The rain has deflated his quiff, making it stick to his forehead. Somehow, even with a makeshift emo fringe, he looks infinitely radiant. Dan imagines that in comparison, he resembles a drowned rat, his hair frizzed and unattractive, and it’s all being caught on film, which is fantastic. Phil drops his voice to a murmur, presumably so it can’t be picked up by people’s shitty phone mics. 

“Arguing with you every day, up in the heavens of fucking nowhere…” Phil shrugs, smiling. “That was the most fun I’ve ever had.”

A droplet spills from Dan’s left eye, and he wipes it away, furious with himself for allowing it to leak out. “Wow,” he chokes out. “You must have been really bored up there.”

Phil nods, eyes trained on Dan’s traitorous smile. “Is that... your way of saying you don’t hate my guts?” 

Dan feels himself tense. Phil’s hand is still on his arm, and his thumb strokes gently over the damp skin just below his sleeve. “You know I can’t provide you with, like, champagne or- or um, suites in fancy hotels or…” 

He trails off, because he’s allowed himself to look into Phil’s eyes properly for the first time; they really are so many separate shades of blue. There must be dozens of colours in their depths. He’d have a job naming them all.  

“I’ll settle for the occasional kiss between battles,” Phil replies. 

Dan splutters softly, cheeks warm against the shivering rest of his body. His eyes flit to their audience, several of whom have their hands over their hearts and mouths.

“Not here,” Dan replies, taking a hasty step backwards. “Let’s, uh,” he glances around for a break in the crowd, “let’s go somewhere… less here.”

He turns before Phil can answer, pushing through a throng of camera-faced people, letting Phil find his way to catch up. They get halfway across the campus main square before Phil says coolly, “not to ruin the theatricality of this moment, but where are we going?”

Dan looks at him, then stops in his tracks. Crap. “Y-you can’t come back to mine.” He blushes, fidgeting. “I’m… living with my parents. At the moment.”

“Hmm,” Phil says, dithering. “Not ideal.” 

“Where are you staying?” 

Phil hesitates, and Dan has to prod him in his damp ribs to make him answer aloud. He sighs eventually. “Susan.”

Dan’s eyebrows shoot towards the rainclouds above them. “Your plane?”

“Yeah. S’all I’ve got to my name right now, pretty much.”

Dan nods, considering this for all of about five seconds. He can already sense that they’re beginning to be followed. Dan grabs Phil by the wrist. “She’ll do.”

*

Considering what a smooth, relaxed pilot Phil is, Dan is genuinely baffled by how terrifying he is as a driver. Phil has parked Susan on some farmland about two miles from campus; the owner of the plot had recognised Phil’s plane when he’d landed it in the local airport and practically jumped at the chance to offer him a place to stow it - presumably to earn himself some bragging rights for bestowing his hospitality on a semi-celebrity.

This suspiciously good samaritan also gave Phil use of his truck for the day, as the farm is in the middle of nowhere, and Phil needed a way to get to Dan’s university campus. The truck is an old, squeaky thing caked in mud; as far as keeping a low profile goes it does a grand job, but it doesn’t reek of safety. For most of the journey, Dan is clutching the ceiling handle, shrieking whenever another car comes the other way as Phil careers them down narrow country lanes at sixty miles per hour.

Eventually, after Dan has come worryingly close to crapping his pants, they reach the field where Phil’s plane is sat, less shiny than Dan remembers her, but just as intimidating. The rain is easing up, but it’s left the green countryside dripping and muddy; Dan is not particularly looking forward to trekking across the wet grass. 

“I’m literally never getting in a car with you again,” Dan states vehemently, legs shaking as he steps out of the truck.

“Wimp,” Phil says dismissively, slamming his door closed. The sound echoes around them, bouncing off the trees that fringe the field. “I’m just a little rusty. There’s less traffic in the sky.”

As his heart settles back into its normal rhythm, Dan shuts his own door and follows Phil across the grass to the plane. Phil presses a button as they approach and a short set of steps protrude in a neat glide from Susan’s door.

“Missed you, babe,” Phil says, hopping onto the first step before it’s completely extended.

Dan blanches, nearly slipping on a patch of wet grass. “Uh, what?”

Phil looks over his shoulder, amusement coating his expression. “I’m talking to Susan.”

“Oh. Yeah. I- I know.”

Phil laughs and ducks inside the plane. Dan looks around at the vast, endless fields that surround them, startlingly green and lush from the burst of rainfall. There’s nothing for miles aside from a tiny farmhouse in the distance; they’re alone together again. It’s a different kind of deserted expanse to the snow-covered mountains, but a familiar sense of isolation hovers in the air. 

Susan’s sleek interior has changed since Dan saw it last. For one thing, what little floor space had been at the back of the plane has been largely taken up by a pull-out bed. It’s unmade, the covers rucked and creased, which in the cramped area makes the whole place look messy. Phil shimmies around the bed to a what looks like the counter of a small bar, opening a neat pull-out contraption that reveals a sink. There’s a kettle too, which Phil holds under the faucet.

“Uh, so you live here? Permanently?”

Phil nods.

“Jesus,” Dan mutters, toeing the empty red bull can on the floor near the bed. “Quite the fall from grace. How are you coping without 24-hour maid service?”

“S’not so bad,” Phil says with no apparent hint at insincerity. He kneels on the bed and leans over to grab the red bull can, which he then throws into the bin, rather stylishly. “At least here I’m not in debt to anyone.”

“So you own the plane, then?”

Dan sits gingerly on the bed, mainly because there is nowhere else to sit apart from the two seats in the cockpit, and he can’t even look in that direction without blushing. It seems both long ago and entirely too recent that he was sat there with Phil knelt before him, high above the peaks of the Swiss mountains. He seems to remember, from his last visit, more seating in the back here, but as he studies the bed he’s perched on, he realises that this is the seating, folded out into a small double bed.

“Yeah,” Phil replies, pouring boiling water into mugs. “Nikolai let me have this and the ring.”

Dan’s eyebrows raise. “You’d think he could’ve spared a couple of… million.”

“I’m glad he didn’t, actually. It would’ve detracted from my trustworthiness, I think.”

“You mean about all the charity stuff you’re doing?”

“Exactly,” Phil affirms, lifting both mugs and carefully sitting on the bed beside Dan. He hands one over, and Dan takes it. He doesn’t particularly feel like tea, but then he is wet and slightly chilly from the rain, so it will probably help chase the cold from his bones. “So.”

“So,” Dan echoes.

They lapse into silence, blowing on their scorching drinks. Eventually, Dan abandons his, knowing it will be too hot to drink for some time. He places it carefully on the shelf beside the bed. “I need to ask you something,” Dan says.

“Yes, the theories are right, I am naturally ginger.”

“What?”

“What?”

Dan shakes his head. “Not... what I was gonna ask. It’s about that dream you mentioned.” He hesitates, heart squeezing tightly. “Did you... remember anything else about it?”  

Strangely, Phil shifts away from him. It’s a telling movement, and even though Dan’s not been around him for some time, he’s ninety percent sure that the expression Phil’s features are forming is something like ‘sheepishness’. He squints at the older man as a gut feeling blooms that he’s going to want to throttle him within the next few minutes.

Phil swallows tightly, placing his own mug on the floor. “Well. I don’t really need to, um. Remember.” 

“What d’you mean?”

Phil grimaces, seeming wary of Dan’s reaction, then reaches beneath the bed, drawing out a Macbook. “This is Martyn’s old one,” Phil says when he catches Dan’s raised eyebrow. “Nik kept mine.”

A wave of sympathy washes over Dan from head to toe, swiftly followed by a surge of anger for Nikolai Novokoric. Phil opens the Mac and clicks around a bit, then turns to Dan, clear concern dressing his face.

“So, you remember that girl? With the blue hair?”

*

Ten minutes later, Dan is sat in gobsmacked silence, his own confession of love reverberating through the air. No use denying it now. “That little fucker.”

Phil winces. “Yeah. Well, anyway, Mona and Cornelia destroyed all the copies.”

Dan’s eyes bulge. “Except this one!”

“Well yeah,” Phil says. His mouth twitches, and Dan zeroes in on it. “But… I reckon I’m allowed to have one.”

“Oh, do you?”

“It’s sweet.” Phil nudges him with his elbow. “And, y’know…”

“No, please enlighten me.”

“It’s… pretty hot.”

Dan’s frown deepens. “That’s a strange choice of adjective.”

“Well, maybe not the part where you bear your soul to me in a largely embarrassing midnight confession,” Phil says, so Dan hits him in the arm, “but the other recordings-”

“Other recordings?!”

Phil pauses, caught out. “Oh. Uh, yeah. From what I can gather the recording device began recording any time it picked up noise, so there are a few…”

He trails off, and Dan buries his face in his hands for a few seconds, then takes a deep inhale, straightening up. “Show me.”

“Not sure this is the best time-”

“Phil, that’s a recording of me doing a variety of explicit deeds. Fucking play it to me.”

Phil hesitates, scanning Dan’s face, then shrugs, pulls up a different recording, moves the play bar to the middle, and hits the space key.

“Kiss me,” Dan’s voice says, husky and breathless. “Kiss me and then fuck me.”

Regret, regret, regret- Dan lunges for the laptop, slamming the space bar. Unfortunately, he manages to press another key as well, and a different recording pops up. Before either he or Phil can do anything to stop it, Nikolai’s voice is pouring from the speaker.

“...my God, don’t tell me you actually top in this-”

Phil slams the lid of his laptop shut smartly, two pink spots appearing on his high cheeks. “I’ll delete these, I think.”

Dan’s fingers push into his temple, massaging the spot. “So good of you to hang onto them until now, you wanker.”

Silence falls, and for a moment the tension is taut to the point of being unbearable. Then, Dan hears a quiet, barely audible giggle. He looks at Phil, incredulous, and immediately upon seeing the creases of laughter around his glinting eyes, feels a swell of laughter bubbling up in his own chest. The tension snaps, and they let their streams of laughter spill out. Phil cards a hand through his hair, reaching for his tea again.

“Y’know,” Dan says, eyes glazed as he watches Phil’s plump, pink lips seal over the rim of his mug, “you’ve already lured me into your…” he gestures to the plane interior. “Den. Kind of redundant at this point to play it cool.”

Phil looks at him quizzically, sipping. “What do you mean?”

“Well, as you have clear, recorded evidence of my unfortunate attachment to you right there,” Dan says, stretching out on the bed a little more, settling into the familiar atmosphere of mildly absurd, irritation-fuelled hysteria, “and I willingly endured your death-defying driving skills, then followed you into your plane in the middle of nowhere, it might be a reasonable assumption that I’m, like,” Dan waves a hand in the air between them, “D.T.F.”

Phil chokes around a mouthful of tea. He places the mug down sharply, eyes wide. It makes Dan laugh, and he leans back onto his hands. As it turns out, having every last scrap of his dignity laid out before them both is rather empowering. He has nothing left to hide, no reason to be coy, and it’s now up to Phil whether he takes advantage or not. Dan really hasn’t anything else to lose, at this point, sad though that thought might be.

“I didn’t want to assume,” Phil objects, scandalised, “I’m trying to be a gentleman!”

Dan nods gravely. “By playing me audio recordings of me asking you to ‘kiss and fuck me’?”

Phil’s mouth opens, as if he’s about to retort, but at the sight of Dan’s smirk, he closes it again, a laugh escaping. “If I do one of those things now, can you pretend I waited until, y’know, a respectable amount of time had passed?”

“I could pretend I had a sudden urge to shuck off my wet clothes,” Dan suggests with a hand thrown across his forehead for emphasis; he’s enjoying the unusual sensation of having the power over this situation, and as usual when he feels even a lick of power, his theatric flair rears its head. It doesn’t matter that his heart doubled in speed as soon as Phil hinted at physical contact. “And then,” Dan continues, voice as dramatic as if he were addressing a theatre-ful of patrons, “as you’re finding me a spare shirt to cover my immodesty, you can’t help your gaze lingering on my bare skin - you try to stop yourself, but your hand reaches out of its own accord to stroke across my chest - my breath hitches, and-”

Phil dives across the bed, pinning Dan to the mattress and kissing him. “Hmm,” he mumbles into the seam of Dan’s lips, “I forgot you never shut up.”

Dan’s arms come up to wind around Phil’s neck, a zing of pure joy ricocheting through his body as his familiar weight settles on top of him. 

“I haven’t forgotten that you’re ten times more tolerable to listen to when you’re naked,” Dan says, turning his head to urge Phil to kiss along his jaw. “Please comply.”

Phil chuckles, leaning up to pull his shirt off. “Better?”

A punch of air leaves Dan’s chest; his hands spread themselves over Phil’s toned stomach, re-learning the crevices either side of his belly, the smooth curvature of his hips. 

“Much.” His index fingers trace the line of hair that leads from Phil’s tummy button beneath the waistband of his trousers. He pulls at the waistband impatiently. “Even better without these though, I reckon.”

Phil sits back on his haunches, positioning himself on top of Dan’s thighs. “Yeah?” he asks, already sliding the zipper down. Dan’s cock pulses, still trapped by his jeans. Phil is putting on a show, but Dan no longer has the ability to call him out on it. His eyes won’t unstick themselves from the sight of Phil shimmying his trousers down his thighs, revealing a pair of black boxer briefs so tight that they might as well be nonexistent for all they manage to conceal. “How’s this?”

Dan shoots him what he intends to be a withering look that probably doesn’t come across very menacing. “I don’t remember you being this vocal.”

Phil smiles, using Dan’s shoulder to steady himself as he peels the trousers off entirely. “Shut me up, then.”

Not needing to be told twice, Dan grabs the backs of Phil’s thighs and manoeuvres him back until he’s sprawled on his back. He pulls off his own t-shirt, getting more impatient by the minute to entwine himself in Phil as deeply as possible; he’s been starving himself of this, for months, and now he wants to feast. As soon as he’s free of his t-shirt, Dan begins pushing his lips against the miles of bare skin covering Phil’s upper body. Phil’s breathing goes strange and stuttery, and his hand loses itself in Dan’s hair.

“Fuck,” he whispers as Dan seals his mouth over a nipple, “I’ve missed you.”

“Still talking to Susan?” Dan asks with a snort, and Phil smacks him lightly in the back of the head.

“Susan doesn’t talk back nearly as much.”

In response, Dan chooses to trail a line of kisses downwards, through the valley of Phil’s pectoral muscles, over the plane of his stomach, nipping gently at that tantalising rivulet of hair slicing through his pelvic region. When he gets to the boxer briefs, he pauses, lifting his gaze as he tucks his fingertips into the waistband.

Phil makes a sort of choking noise as their eyes meet, which is pleasant to hear. “Lift,” Dan tells him, and when his hips rise, pulls them off in a flourish. Dan had thought the thick, gorgeous shape of Phil’s cock was deeply ingrained into his memory, but even the image he’d conjured up in the dead of night, when he couldn’t stop himself from indulging in nostalgia, had been lacking in the exquisite detail of reality. He takes hold of the base in one hand, letting the warm, pulsing flesh push all thought from his mind. “I missed you too,” he says, and Phil whimpers.

Dan takes his time blowing Phil, letting him glide in and out of his mouth as he lifts his head and sinks down again and again. Phil’s body slackens, sinking into the hard mattress so totally that it’s as if he hasn’t relaxed once in all the time that’s passed since they last did this. The sensation of Phil atop Dan’s tongue is comforting in its thickness, stretching his lips wide, reminding him of how it feels to be so open. He would like for Phil to know this, wants to share the intoxicating power of utter vulnerability. He pulls off, suddenly alight with an idea, and sits up, crawling over Phil’s spread body until his face hovers above Phil’s. 

“You know what Nikolai mentioned,” Dan begins, testing the waters. 

Instantly, Phil’s hands stop wandering over his back. “Are you seriously bringing up my ex-husband right now?”

Dan chuckles, then sweeps a tongue over his lower lip, tasting Phil there, salty and sour; Phil’s eyes fall to the movement with obvious interest. 

“I’ve just been thinking,” Dan continues, determined to persevere with the thought if it could lead where he hopes it might. To soften the blow of blindsiding Phil with Nikolai’s name, Dan dots a few light kisses over his jaw. “When we… did things before. Were you just indulging me, because I suggested we try it a certain way, and it was my first time?”

Phil arches his head backwards, wordlessly encouraging Dan to move his lips to his neck. “W-what do you mean? It was always amazing with you.”

“Hmm,” Dan says, sucking gently at the spot right below Phil’s ear. “So you never wanted to do it a different way? Like…” His hand, which has been resting on Phil’s hip, trickles over his thigh, dipping into the cavern between Phil’s legs. He lets his fingers wander even lower, past the swell of his balls. He watches Phil’s face intently, trying to gauge the reaction, and presses the tip of one finger to the tight, puckered entrance at his rear. “This way?”

For the first time, Dan is able to witness the crystal blue of Phil’s irises thinning and nearly disappearing entirely, swallowed up by the black holes widening in their centres. It’s not until Dan removes his finger that Phil is able to summon a response.

“I- I don’t have much of a preference,” he whispers, stammering. “Is… is that something you’d want to try, or-”

“Phil,” Dan interrupts, feeling the smile teasing the corner of his mouth as he sees through Phil’s poor attempt at nonchalance, “do you want me to fuck you?”

Phil is quiet for a moment, but Dan holds his gaze, one eyebrow cocked, hopefully looking far more in control of himself than he feels. The elbow he’s using to hold himself up begins to tremble, threatening to give way, but he holds steady, needing to hear Phil speak the words.

Then, Phil nods, just once. “Yes.”

Dan smiles, leaning in to seal their mouths together. The eagerness with which Phil responds conveys his excitement, and Dan lets him twine their tongues together, allows Phil’s arms to draw him in around the neck. After a few minutes however, Dan’s self-control is reaching its very peak, what with Phil’s cock trapped between their bodies still, and the anticipation of what it might be like to slip inside of him lurking so tantalisingly on the horizon.

Dan unwinds himself carefully, sitting up and reaching for the button of his own jeans. “Do you have, um, stuff?”

His question prompts Phil into immediate action; he sits up, peeling himself off the bed in order to stagger over to an overhead cupboard, which he reaches up to open. Dan’s fingers stumble on the zipper of his jeans, attention ensnared by the sight of the lean, naked body in front of him, stretched out in a delicious long line of pale, pure skin, hiding terrains of thick muscle, tightened by years of diligent workouts. His cock strains against the fly of his trousers, imagining what it might be like to bury himself inside of such a temple; his fingers work frantically to open the zip. Eventually, Phil finds what he’s looking for, and throws a bottle of lube and a four condom packets onto the bed.

Dan picks a few of the foil packets up, eyebrows raised. “I’m flattered that you presume so highly of my stamina, but-”

Phil shuts him up using the method he seems to be realising is the most effective - jumping back on the bed and kissing him hard. “Thought we could take it in turns,” Phil growls into Dan’s mouth, because obviously he’s intent on driving Dan to the brink of insanity. 

A strangled noise escapes Dan’s throat, and he pushes Phil backwards until he’s astride him again, back to pulling off his jeans, which thankfully goes a lot more smoothly this time. He slides his underwear off too, then reaches for the condom packet, ten steps ahead of himself; Phil’s hand on his arm makes him pause.

“Woah, uh, it’s not my first rodeo but I’m probably gonna need a little prep before-”

“Shit,” Dan mutters, throwing the condom aside for a moment. He shakes his head, blood thrumming in his ears, and smooths his hands up Phil’s gorgeous thighs. “Sorry. Okay, what do I do?”

Phil sits up, reaching for the lube, and un-pops the cap. “Want me to do it?”

Dan snatches the bottle from him. “Fuck right off.”

He pours some of the gloop onto his fingers, remembering how, when they’d done this before, Phil had warmed the substance before letting it touch his skin. He copies the action, coating his hands with it, then looking to Phil for further instruction. Phil opens his legs wider, allowing Dan to fit himself between them.

“Have you ever done this to yourself?”

“Only since you did it to me,” Dan admits before he can stop himself.

Phil grins, unsubtly conveying his thoughts around this, and Dan only barely resists the urge to flick him in the balls. “Same thing, then,” Phil says.

“Will it hurt?”

Phil eases himself back down onto his elbows. “Doubt it,” Phil answers in a soft sigh. He lets out a little moan as Dan’s fingertips press against him. “Fuck. No, I don’t think this is gonna hurt at all.”

Dan’s fingers slide into Phil as easily as if he were pushing them into warm bread dough. The walls of hot, soft muscle close in around him, drawing each finger deeper as he adds them one at a time. Phil murmurs vaguely bossy commands, telling him to scissor and stretch, but half the words are lost to his groans of bliss, each one making Dan shudder more violently than the last.

“Ugh, Dan,” he says, voice desperate despite it seeming like barely any time has passed. He has one hand wrapped around the back of his right thigh, holding it up to allow Dan better access. Dan moves closer, brushes Phil’s hand away and lets the crook of Phil’s knee drape over his shoulder. “Fuck,” Phil mutters, but doesn’t protest. “Y-you can stop now,” he urges, but Dan keeps on, wanting to be totally sure. Phil seems so tight, so impossibly tight, and whilst it is maddening to picture thrusting inside of such tightness, the thought of hurting Phil without meaning to is terrible enough to keep Dan stretching with his fingers, just in case. He changes the angle just slightly when his wrist threatens to cramp, and Phil swears, louder than he has so far. “Fff-uck. Do that again.”

Dan does do it again. He does it many more times, pressing the pads of his fingers to that same spot until Phil is writhing against the covers, until his gasps sound more like gurgles, until his hands are scrabbling at Dan’s wrist to pull his fingers free.

“Fuck, Dan please, I’m ready, I’m ready,” he garbles.

For a long moment, Dan is too hypnotised by the wrecked, flushed mess that’s become of the Adonis-like man sprawled out naked before him to react. He stares at Phil’s reddened, slick lips, puffy from where he’s been biting them. 

“Dan,” Phil chokes out, desperate.

The sound of his name slaps Dan back into coherence. He pats the space around him, searching for the condom packet he’d thrown aside before. It seems to elude him for a while, but eventually he finds it, and rips the packet with his teeth. Thankfully, condoms are a part of sexual experience that he is not out of his depth with, as Beth had insisted on him using at least one, sometimes more, whenever they slept together.

He rolls it on with ease, thankful for the many opportunities he’s had to practice for this moment, and takes hold of Phil by the hips, dragging him forwards with a sharp tug, until the head of his cock is aligned with Phil’s slick opening. Phil is staring at him in amazement, and Dan doesn’t blame him - he’s exuding a confidence born purely of adrenaline, and it’s making him into someone unrecognisable, someone composed and assertive. Someone hot. 

“Ready?” he asks; his shaky voice somewhat shatters the illusion.

“God, yes,” Phil replies, apparently not noticing. 

Dan inches his hips forwards, letting the head of his cock press past the outer rim; Phil’s head tips backwards, a sigh of ecstasy spilling from his throat. His hand releases its grip on the covers, and he brings his long fingers to wrap around his cock.

Even the sight is intoxicating. Ignoring all other sensation for now, Phil looks maddeningly good this way; Dan’s hips almost lock in place, just watching him feel. The thin branches of Phil’s neck bones are protruding beneath the skin, mottled from where Dan has nipped and bitten. His puffed chest is rising and falling rapidly, his shoulders trembling, misted with a sheen of rainwater and sweat. He ducks his head again, meeting Dan’s eyes, and Dan remembers he’s supposed to be moving, that he is supposed to be the one in control of this. He doesn’t feel very in control, suddenly, too shaken by the onslaught of sensation attacking from all angles.

As if he’s gleaned these concerns from Dan’s mind through osmosis, Phil says, “wait,” and Dan pauses, terrified he’s done something wrong. Phil sits up, glazed and sluggish, then pushes Dan backwards with a hand against his shoulder.

“What’s wr-”

Dan lands back on his tailbone, and suddenly Phil is astride him, piled in his lap like a huge, gorgeous, naked gift. He angles himself without needing to look, keeping his eyes locked on Dan’s the whole time, and sinks himself back down onto Dan’s cock, lips parted, eyes fluttering. A moan pours out of Dan’s throat as the unexpected bliss crashes over him, as the sensation of slick, hot, closeness grips him by the soul. He is buried inside of Phil’s pure, angelic body, as far as he can get. It’s agony, because Phil has gone still, letting himself adjust to the intrusion. Dan’s head falls against Phil’s chest, trying to keep calm when he wants so badly to shout at Phil to move even slightly, would trade everything he owns for the relief of it.

And then, miraculously, Phil does.

“Fuck,” Dan whispers, brokenly, as Phil’s hips begin rolling forwards.

His fingers dig themselves into Phil’s arms, and he buries his face deeper into Phil’s chest. Phil’s arms wind around his shoulders. He lifts his hips up until Dan almost slips out of him entirely, then spears himself back down with a shudder.

“God, Dan,” Phil groans, speeding up the pace. He uses his grip on Dan’s shoulders to keep steady, bouncing up and down in Dan’s lap faster and faster, barely letting Dan gasp even a snatch of air. “Dan- Dan, would you touch me?”

Delirious, Dan mentally berates himself for not having the common sense to do this before now. He reaches clumsily between their bodies, barely holding himself together, and closes a fist around Phil’s cock, which is hot and rigid to the touch. He pumps his hand in time with the thrust of Phil’s hips, and in less than a minute Phil is crying out, biting down on Dan’s neck so hard that Dan wonders if he might bleed. Phil’s come splashes Dan’s chest and stomach, coating his hand, and all Dan can think is how he wishes he could taste it.

Dan doesn’t last much longer after that, as Phil doesn’t so much as stutter in his rhythm. He manages to push his hips upwards a few times, to make the most of this miraculous moment, locked together with Phil in the most intimate possible way. As the tip of his cock presses once again into that spot that makes Phil weak, Phil jerks and gasps in his arms. That’s the moment that Dan is unable to hold on any longer. He squeezes Phil’s arm, groaning into the crook of his neck as he feels his own release fill the condom, a hundred white-hot stars scorching over his skin in a brilliant, blinding shower.

For a minute after, they don’t move, draped over one another in various ways, just reorienting themselves as they float back to this dimension. Dan pushes his lips against Phil’s damp skin in a way that doesn’t feel chaste enough to be kisses. Eventually, Phil leans backwards, slowly lifting himself off Dan’s lap, letting him slip out. With a shaky, fumbling hand, Dan pulls off the condom, putting it carefully on the floor because he’s too spent to dispose of it properly just yet.

In the next moment, he feels damp fingers around his wrist, and then Dan is being pulled, until he’s flat on his back, Phil’s arm stretched out beneath his neck. They both stare at the ceiling, listening to the sound of their own gradually slowing breaths.

Dan rolls onto his side towards Phil, trailing fingers up his ribs, then into the cavern of his underarm, twisting the snatch of hair there between his fingers. He’s sweaty, and it’s still confusing to Dan that it doesn’t gross him out; instead, the musky, heavy scent of Phil’s perspiration is intoxicating, makes him want to bury his face in Phil’s shoulder and lick the moisture from his skin. So he does.

Phil turns to peer at him, amusedly. “Perv.” 

Dan smiles, not caring that it seems peculiar, because he knows Phil doesn’t really care. “Was it okay?” Dan asks, as if he isn’t fully aware of how beyond incredible the last half hour had been for both of them. 

“Amazing,” Phil replies, rolling onto his side to kiss him. 

“I don’t think I’m as good as you at… that.”

Phil’s mouth twitches, and he leans back to stare into Dan’s eyes. His pupils are returning to a more even size, though they’re still taking up most of the space in Phil’s irises. The ring of azure around them glimmers brightly.

“Wouldn’t sell yourself short, mate,” Phil says. “I had a very good time.”

Dan snorts, mostly at Phil’s use of the word ‘mate’. “So you prefer it, then? Being like… the one who… um.”

“Bottoms?”

Dan’s only response is a mortifyingly quick blush.

Phil laughs, prodding Dan’s red cheek with his finger-tip. “I mean it. I don’t have a strong preference for either way.”

“It’s just Nikolai seemed so, like, surprised when he found out-”

“Dan,” Phil says, already grimacing, “I’m only gonna address this once with you, because I don’t particularly want you thinking about this in detail, but having sex with Nikolai is a very different experience to having sex with you. And not in a good way. Could you ever imagine him being as considerate of my preferences as you’re being right now?”

Dan’s nose wrinkles. “You have a point. So… you’re good with either? Top or bottom?”

The flame in Dan’s cheeks is fanned even saying the words. “Hmm,” Phil says, then leans in to kiss Dan again, harder this time, knocking him backwards until he’s on his back again. “Think I might need a reminder of what it’s like to top again. Y’know, just so I have all the evidence before I make up my mind.”

“Jesus, you’re more of a horn-dog than I remember,” Dan laughs, though he’s already winding a leg around Phil’s to pull him closer.

*

They’ve been holed up in Phil’s tiny living space, at the back of a stationary plane, mostly naked, for almost twelve hours. They’d napped for a while, but now they’re awake, watching an episode of Parks and Recreation because Phil has never seen it and Dan simply cannot allow anyone he associates with to not get his references to the show.

Somewhere in the middle of one of Leslie’s rousing speeches, Phil’s phone beeps. It’s not the first beep they’ve both pretended not to hear, and it’s perhaps for this reason that now Phil sighs and reaches for it, his other arm around Dan’s shoulders, fingers tickling idly across his upper arm. He frowns at the many messages filling the screen, scrolling through a few, then placing the phone upside down on the bedside shelf again. The amusing dialogue of the show loses its potency; Dan waits, breath held, for the inevitable.

“I’m gonna have to get back to work soon,” Phil says, just as Dan predicted. “I kind of… ran off on Martyn and Cornelia and PJ after the UN thing.”

“I figured,” Dan says, already resigned. “It’s okay. It was, um. Good to see you, and stuff. Weird without all the snow and altitude. But good.”

“Come with me,” Phil says. From the way he has the offer so readily at hand, Dan knows he’s been holding it back for a while. He pretends he hasn’t heard, instead focusing on the screen, where Leslie has just fallen into a giant pit. Relatable. Phil nudges him beneath the blanket with one foot. “Dan, did you hear me?”

Dan sighs, struggling out of Phil’s embrace. They should have talked about this sooner. Now they’re going to fight, and one of them’s going to hurt the other, and then they’ll split apart again for an indeterminably long bout of miserable, awful separation.

“I heard you.”

Dan runs a hand through his still-damp hair. They’d had showers a while ago in Phil’s tiny closet-shower. Though it would have been extremely nice to have stood beneath the spray together, there was no possible way they could both fit, so they took it in turns. Dan had gone first, and when he’d emerged, Phil had made more tea, and produced a packet of biscuits. He’d given Dan a robe - stolen from The Secret of the Alps, he noticed - for him to dry off and set him up with the laptop to watch Parks and Rec until he’d cleaned himself of the evidence of their debauchery too. It had been wholesome and unusually soft behaviour; entirely too easy to fall into, and forget that their circumstances didn’t allow for such kind, sweet interludes without a price.

“You don’t even want to be a lawyer,” Phil says, like it’s as simple as that. “Just think it over a bit more-”

“I did that,” Dan snaps, then checks himself, breathing deeply. If he can avoid getting upset and defensive, that would be ideal. “I already did the freaking out and running off to re-evaluate my choices. It didn’t work. You were there, you know it didn’t work.”

Phil shuts the laptop, cutting off the peppy American voices of the Parks and Rec cast. “What exactly didn’t work, though? What did you expect to happen up there?”

Dan laughs humourlessly, gesturing between them. “Not this.” He winces. It came out meaner than he intended it to. “I mean, obviously I’m glad I met you and we dragged each other into a destructive pattern of secretly bonking behind closed doors...”

“Heartfelt,” Phil replies; even though it’s sarcasm, Dan can tell without looking over at him that he’s smiling.

“..but, even you have to admit it probably wasn’t the smartest decision on my part. Or yours, come to that.” Dan picks at the thin, messy bedclothes, frowning. “I don’t think I’m very good at the self-reflective stuff. S’just better if I crack on, stop fantasising that there’s some dream career waiting in the wings somewhere.”

“Having a job that makes you happy isn’t a crazy fantasy, Dan,” Phil says. He makes everything sound so easy. Dan kind of misses that about him, dangerous and seductive though it is. “You could come with me. We could work it out together.”

“Come with you where?” Dan asks, turning to him incredulously. “No offence, mate, but you’ve got no more clue than I have right now. You have no money or plans, you said it yourself. It’s very admirable, all the charity stuff, but what’re you gonna do when the public grow bored of you without all the divorce drama? How are you gonna fund your humanitarian schemes?”

Phil shrugs, a composed, slightly amused smile gracing his features. He looks entirely unbothered by these questions, and Dan is suddenly so envious of his ability to shrug off anxiety that it makes a spurt of anger shoot through his chest. He rolls his eyes, throwing the covers off his legs. He’s about to get up, to find his clothes and put an end to this brief day-cation from reality, when Phil’s hand on his arm, gentle and cautious, gives him pause.

He waits, the warmth of Phil’s fingers draining the frustration from his bones, easing the tension in his body. Phil shuffles closer, hands sliding to rest on Dan’s shoulders, then rubbing gently, thumbs digging into the knots of taut muscle. It's so glorious that Dan sinks back into him, immediately slackening, his mind abruptly washed of every concern that had just been plaguing it.

“Has anyone ever told you that you think too much?” Phil murmurs into his ear.

“I get the feeling you’re about to,” Dan retorts, then feels a satisfied sigh slip out as Phil digs his clever fingers in deeper.

“I’m going to Africa,” he says in a low, soothing voice that Dan knows is probably one he’s been trained to use in stressful situations, but works so well that he can’t be bothered to protest. “There’s a cluster of villages in Kenya that need a lot of help. Installing water filtration systems, building schools, that sort of thing. That’s where I’m going next.”

“Oh. Right.” Dan’s shoulders tense up again. Africa. Could he be jetting off further? “How long f-”

“You should come with me,” Phil says for the third time. His hands become still on Dan’s shoulders. “I’m serious. We could use you out there.”

Dan rolls his eyes, though Phil is behind him and can’t see. “As convincing as that is, we both know I have the muscles of a cooked noodle, so I doubt I’d be much use to you-”

“It’s not always about physical labour,” Phil interrupts, like he’s prepared this argument months in advance. He’s too good at debating, that’s the trouble. Dan’s never stood a chance trying to last in the ring with him. “You’ve got other hugely beneficial skills, I’ve seen it myself. You can fix pretty much anything you put your mind to. That’s kind of extraordinary.”

Dan blinks, not sure how to react to the unexpected praise. “Well... I don’t know about ‘anything I put my mind to’-”

“Even so, you’d probably have a hell of a lot more clue than I would,” Phil points out, and Dan has to admit, although he’s never witnessed Phil attempt to repair or even patch up anything beyond his own fragile ego, he doubts very much that he’d be particularly skilled at it. He tries to imagine Phil with a spanner in his hand, tightening the joins in the municipal pipe under the blaring, scorching African sun. He has to hide his bubble of absurd laughter.

“I’m not a fan of the heat,” Dan protests, weakly. 

Whilst this is true, and he’d deliberately chosen the destination of his last runaway attempt to be the opposite of somewhere hot, Dan can feel his soul yearning for the adventure. For being with Phil, daily, their perpetual bickering exacerbated by the blazing sun, and then soothed by the cool night air, locked away in some dark room they’d built together, free to kiss each other’s sun-blistered skin all night long. His fingers itch for the fantasy, and he clenches them into fists, knowing he shouldn’t dare to so much as want it.

Phil places a kiss to his shoulder, then leans away. “Yeah, you’re right,” Phil says, making Dan’s heart sink. “I mean, when you’re so passionate about law, a little sunshine seems laughable doesn’t it?”

Dan rolls his eyes, but a laugh escapes anyway, so he turns to whack Phil in the arm. Phil lets him, then catches him by the wrists, holding Dan’s gaze. “I think you could be happy. I think we could make each other happy.”

One of Dan’s eyebrows arches. “I think we’d drive each other bonkers.”

Phil smiles. “Same thing, I reckon.”

Dan shakes his head, knowing in every cell of his being that this is completely mental, to abandon his life again for a man who infuriates him daily. But he also knows, perhaps even more strongly, that he’s as in love with Phil as he is exasperated with him. “If I leave again… I won’t be able to come back.”

Phil squeezes his hands around Dan’s. “No,” he agrees. “Me neither.”

Dan chews his lip, though his resistance has more or less melted away. “Are you only offering to take me with you because you feel sorry for me?”

“Yeah,” Phil says, teasingly. “I’m rescuing you from a life of paperwork and office parties.” A smile breaks across his gorgeous face, making his eyes soften, crinkle at the sides. His voice drops into its rare tone of sincerity. “Dan, I’m asking you if you’d come with me. Because I watched you attempt to ski away from me up a hill and fall straight down it, and somehow managed to fall tragically, pathetically in love with you in the same instant. I want you to come. Because don’t really fancy trying to stay away from you anymore.”

*

Dan’s not sure how it happens really. One minute, he’s in a lecture hall with the most annoying girl on the planet talking his ear off about succulents and her hot personal tutor, and the next he’s in the front seat of a fully-fuelled plane, beside a stunningly handsome philanthropist-slash-ski-enthusiast-slash-pilot, headed for a continent halfway around the world. He hasn’t told his parents where they’re going yet. Phil hasn’t told the public, or Pj or Cornelia or Martyn. It’s all a bit ‘up in the air’. They’ll tell anyone who needs to know when they land again, when the intense rays of sun are soaking into their pale skin, flooding their veins with Vitamin D.

Dan reaches across the chasm between his and Phil’s seats, letting his hand dangle invitingly until Phil notices and takes it, rolling his eyes and telling Dan he’s a “right sap”. But he threads their fingers together anyway, angling the yoke towards the sky, and Dan leans back in his chair as the clouds zoom closer, welcoming the oncoming oblivion. A wild thought swims at him from nowhere, as if it fell straight out of the Heavens: 

He’d be just fine if they never had to come down.

The End.

(Yes, there will be an epilogue. Stay tuned for updates about that!)

#too high #enemies to lovers au #phan #phanfic

[kaypeace21]

S3 plot predictions

Update: adding some more theories/made some slight revisions to this post, after the 2nd trailer (and us being less then a week away) 

* so since we’re at the official 2 weeks mark- I decided to list all my theories I believe may happen. (X), symbol, is a link to where you can read the theory in more depth.

MAJOR PLOT PREDICITIONS

#1)Will Byers was born with powers but acquired more powers after the upside down incident – he was born a wizard but became a cleric. He was born a ‘wizard’ like his d & d character “Will the Wise” (Dustin in s1 even called El a wizard). He was taken by the mindflayer for a reason. And he later became a cleric, Clerics “get their powers from a god” (the mindflayer)- Will became a ceremorph or “flayer kin” (he’s part mindflayer). In d &d the more “wise” the cleric the more powerful they are. 

Possible Powers : electro-pyrokinesis, technopathy, scrying/true sight, teleportation/shadow walking,  portal manipulation … other’s i’m not sure of but he may have (astral projection, temporary super strength, invisibility)

* theory here (X)

#2) Will will have a “dark phoenix” moment at the end of s3 at the mall (X)

#3) Will and El team up to defeat the supernatural threat, and will be kidnapped at the end of the season by the U.S government. We probably won’t see him till s4, but Brenner is alive. (X)

4) Dustin and Erica (maybe Steve and Robin) use the radio tower to call in black-ops/military when things get bad. However they will be the ones that directly cause Will and El’s kidnappings. And it’s all because they (specifically Dustin & Erica) wanted to be patriots and believed in the lie of American Exceptionalism, and that their government are by default the ‘good guys’.

#5) Hopper will take a bullet for El and (probably) die .  - Hopper quote will probably be a ref to s2 scene foreshadowing of his death, El catches him “I got you, you’re going to be ok”. “yeah, you got me kid”(dies).(X)

#6-9) -The smoke monster (with the MF’s sentience) was left in the real world in s2 and is still the main threat- sending creatures and spreading the ‘zombie like virus’. But the Soviets also accidentally reopen the gate,  which is why the magnets stop working in town- and the soviets will be the secondary antagonists , for most of the season.

-The source of the virus will probably be the rats, and sources of water (like Lover’s lake and the pool).

-Soviet Mall: Robin discovers a dark secret- they’re quarantining/experimenting on those ‘infected’ in the mall’s basement. So Dustin, Steve, and Erica team up with her to investigate/fight.- Something weird is going on with that icecream (probably has to do with that green stuff steve was holding).But i’m not sure...

-Murray is an ex- Russian Spy, and will probably team up with Hopper and Joyce in their investigation (of the mayoral coverup of peoples disappearances). (The mayor also appears to have been bitten by a rat on the 4th of july). While Nancy & Jonathan investigate the supernatural elements of the mystery- the rest of the kids will probably be focused on the missing lifeguard, initially- until the greater mystery unfolds.

*more details of theories of 6-9 here (X)

10) Hints of a queer love triangle- between Will, Mike, and El (byler, mileven) -El dumps/fights with Mike (even if she still has feelings for him). Will is in love with Mike ( but how he feels for El may be up for interpretation). Byler and mileven fights.

Mike isn’t confirmed but is hinted as bi (like he has been for the past 2 seasons). Tension/stuff get’s awkward between the 3, until they and their friends/family come together to fight the big-bad (and they make-up_. 

 (Mileven might get back together) or no one ‘gets together’ romantically at the end of the season.

(X) (X) (X)

MINOR PLOT PREDICITIONS

1) Byers will struggle more financially, because of the mall, since Joyce works downtown. And it affect small town business

2)Will will struggle with his ptsd, , his self esteem/ dad-abandonment issues - as his friends and brothers drift further away from him.He also blames himself for Bob’s death. However, Max and El bond with him at one of his lowest points. - He may act out and be a bit self destructive , before making up with his friends.

3) El and Will struggle with ptsd,  father issues, their powers, quiet nature, and not having proper childhoods making them feel abnormal/feeling socially isolated.

4) -Will will destroy Castle Byers (using his fire powers or something else?) during the rain storm. I just think it would be a great idea symbolically for Will to destroy it given what the castle represents (X). El might run into him in the woods after he’s destroyed castlebyers. She is seen eavesdropping on their D &D before the fight , she lives in the woods where castle byers is, and  El finding him symbolically makes the most (X)

5) Billy is possessed by the MF, and he helps ‘build’ that monster for the MF to have a physical form it prefers more... (or as a henchman)? And the people who are captured are the mutated/fused bodies of those captured by possessed Billy .

6) WILL & Billy will be foils- and be paralleled and juxtaposed throughout the entire season. He’ll probably die (representing a cautionary tale of the perpetual cycle of abuse that some abuse victims can fall trap to (unlike Will, El, Max, and Jonathan).

CRACK THEORIES/Or Theories that won’t occur until s4

-I KNOW Sara Hopper is alive and a number - we probably won’t see her until s4. But if we see her in s3, she’s Robin. But it’s probably the first one, since the ages don’t quite add up. However, if it’s the latter I have an interesting theory on why she’s in Hawkins. (X)

- That Summer camp Dustin went to is more sinister than you think, we probably won’t know why until s4 (X)

-Ted Wheeler is a Soviet Spy.Probably wishful thinking (x)

- Will acts out and beats the sh*t out of hopper  (because of his dad/abandonment issues),which is why his face is messed up XD . I only say this because Will’s cannon spotify playlist has a song about a boy named Willie beating the shit out of a ranger (who wears a hat) named Jim .

- Billy and the Karen dynamic, is happening because Billy’s subconsciously looking for a mother figure, like the mom he lost.

- Either the Mf chose Billy at random. Or because possessing him, gave him a direct connection to Max - and it would be beneficial (because it would give him an indirect connection to Will and El) . Just a hunch.

- Also in s1, Brenner said the demogorgan was ‘calling to her’. So if she wasn’t on his list of interest before... after she closed the gate, she got on the Mindflayer’s list of interest (along with Will). I wouldn’t be surprised if the Mindflayer views El and Will as gods of our dimension given how much stronger their psyonic abilities are compared to other human psychics (who generally only have 1- pretty weak power according to the comics/ prequel novels). And because of this they both have to team up to fight the mindflayer.

* Really curious if any of these ideas are right or at least partially right XD

#stranger things theory #will byers #el hopper #mileven #byler #stranger things

[fly-pow-bye]

ThunderCats Roar - “Driller”

Co-Executive Producer: Victor Courtright

Supervising Producer: Nate Cash

Producer: Marly Halpern-Graser

Story by: Victor Courtright

Teleplay by: Marly Halpern-Graser

Directed by: Jeremy Polgar

Is it killer, or is it filler?

This episode begins with Panthro doing repairs on that mighty ThunderTank. I never really talked about its looks, as this is one of the first good clear shots of it. This ThunderTank looks even more like a cat than the original, with a big red nose and a cat-like mouth, and it has a perpetually sticking out tongue. It's not as fierce looking as its original counterpart, but considering this is more of a comedy than an action show, it's fitting.

Panthro finishes the job, as indicated by the ThunderTank shining, and he talks to himself about how it must have been so long since he didn't have to fix something. He really must like to tempt fate with that one, that kind of saying is usually followed by everything breaking at the same time.

Surely enough, everything starts to break, all at the same time, and it's all because of his teammates. Cheetara broke the ThunderTread by exceeding its maximum speed it can handle, and the ThunderKittens broke the ThunderFridge trying to get that sweet ThunderCake.

Even the ones that are usually more competent than the others are involved with this massive breakage, as Snarf, the robot cat-dragon-thing with an intelligence level of 20 according to the first episode, is messing around with some wiring like it's a ball of yarn. Panthro doesn't even know what it is, and one thing I'm thinking of is that I'm surprised they didn't pull out a "samoflange" joke yet. As for Tygra, the usual straight man, he's just the victim of a falling ThunderSecurity Camera.

Suddenly, Sadako shows up, calling out to Panthro, presumably telling him that his 7 days are up, and he has to pay for that one month of Youtube TV whether he likes it or not.

No, that's just Lion-O drawn with much longer hair than usual for the sake of the Sadako gag, and he needs his blowdryer fixed. Not a ThunderBlowdryer, just a regular blowdryer. For a second, I thought he was melting, too, but that's actually his fur. They are cat people, after all.

All of the other ThunderCats come in, and Panthro tells them that he'll get to work on all of those problems, and the only repayment he'll need from his teammates is the appreciation he gets for doing everything. Que Lion-O throwing that fixed blowdryer to a wall, breaking it immediately! Get it, because Lion-O is selfish.

It's quite clear, even with Panthro's assurance that it was a easy mistake, that this is getting to him. It doesn't help that he hears something else breaking just outside. He assumes it must be yet another one of his teammates...except they're all here.

The alarms go off, and Lion-O knows what the ThunderCats should do in this situation as their great leader.

Lion-O: The lair is under attack! ThunderCats...PANIC!

(everyone panics)

See, it's funny because this isn't normally what happens! All of the ThunderCats search through various rooms, seeing that someone has been drilling through all of it, leaving giant holes everywhere. Worst of all, whatever is causing this has taken Lion-O's cake! Tygra shows up to tell Lion-O that he found it. No, not the cake, much to Lion-O's chagrin, as he'll never know the truth about that. Alas, poor ThunderCake.

The drilling came from this new robotic man with a drill for a lower body, named, appropriately, Driller. This was a character who first appeared in the eighteenth episode of the original. In the original, he was a mercenary who accepts diamonds as payment, which he will use to sharpen his mighty drill. At the very least, he confirms his want for diamonds in the first minute of his appearance, as the first thing he does is scan if those strange cat people have them.

Tygra tries to stop this new potential threat with a "stop right there, miscreant" and an all important pointer finger, and the miscreant just says no and continues drilling. He doesn't say "no" like a villain would say "never", just an uncaring "no".

There are higher stakes. According to Panthro and what looks like a portable video game console, Driller is heading towards the lair's Thundrillium core! If that gets destroyed, the rest of the lair goes with it. This comes much to the shock of everyone...except for Lion-O, who has a stupid face on throughout this speech. Lion-O only seems to care when Panthro clarifies that it's his stuff that's on the line, too. Get it, because Lion-O is selfish.

So they all try to fight him, but it's no use. Even with his need for diamonds at the time, his drill is still powerful enough to spin both Cheetara and the ThunderKittens out of the way. It takes Panthro's super strength to do any kind of stopping, but Tygra tries his best to be useful with his special ability to have a bola whip. I could take this as confirmation that they just got rid of one of the ThunderCat's special powers, though I doubt disappearing would have helped this situation. It almost seems like all is lost and Tygra is about to get a hole in the head, all until the Bola whip eventually makes his drill stop.

They take him in for questioning, and he properly introduces himself as Driller, and he drills. One point that ends up being a sticking point for Lion-O is that he's trying to get diamonds so he can sharpen his drill, which he uses to drill for more diamonds, and even his tiny little brain can admit that is an unending cycle with no real point.

He compares this to shampoo, which has the specific instructions to lather, rinse, and repeat, but one shouldn't repeat forever. Nice to see that blowdryer scene is relevant to the rest of the episode; he seems to know his hair products. He knows enough to know that shampoo is pointless, just like drilling just for the sake of drilling.

While the former is certainly wrong, as Tygra points out, Driller does not take that advice too well. He looks at the diamond on top of his head, which pops out instantly, and he tells himself that he is pointless. He lies down on the ground, clearly saddened of this realization, and this makes everyone else sad too. There is one exception, who boasts that he is glad to help. Here's a hint: it's funny because he's selfish!

Panthro tries to calm his senses, saying that his life is also an endless cycle: he fixes things, his teammates break them, he fixes them again. Driller then gives him his own bit of foresight.

Driller: So Panthro is pointless too?

I always wondered what that guy from that one Radiohead music video was talking about. And yes, Lion-O never gets this, either. Even in the end, he just kind of gets told to do the right thing eventually.

One week passes, and the Lair is still just as holey as ever. Tygra decides enough is enough, and something must be done about it, but Lion-O is happy about this new home arrangement, as he can jump straight from his living room to the kitchen in one jump. The ThunderKittens are happy too, as Lion-O made them a toy out of the shower curtain to cover up one of the holes, a...

JUMP PAD!

Yes, with a choir, too. It doesn’t work too well, though, as it eventually breaks, and we get this overly long joke about how they have to wait for WilyKit and Kat to hit the ground. Lion-O assures the rest that they have to hit the ground sometime. Don’t worry, they turn out to be okay, because nothing has to make sense in this wacky comedy.

Even Lion-O admits that something has to be done. The problem is that Panthro is still depressed and feeling pointless, and he doesn't want to do anything. They do bring up one thing they've been ignoring until now: what about the Ro-Bear Berbils? They built this whole lair from scratch, certainly they would be available to re-build the lair without having to do anything!

Unfortunately, they're busy working on Castle Plun-Darr. Interesting diversion from the original, and it's also interesting to watch this after the episode of the original that explained the origins of that series' Castle Plun-Darr. At least this species is okay with being slaves, because that means they can build something. They didn't want payment from the people who would pay them.

...actually, come to think of it, they probably wouldn't have any Third Earth money, and it wasn't until this episode where they realized they had diamonds. Hmm, let's let something else distract from this, shall we? Cheetara manages to find Panthro, who was literally under her feet, but he's still depressed and unwilling to just fix what will eventually be broken. Even when our favorite baby king begs him to, he won't budge, so he makes a great plan.

To finally give him a point, Lion-O decides to trash the one room of the Lair Driller didn't destroy: that room with the Thundrillim in it! Now he can fix everything he broke, including that unimportant circle thing he was told would blow everything up! Admittedly, that one wasn't intentional, and Lion-O finally has an expression other than pure happiness over the silly things he does. It might have been more than alarm than anything else, though.

See, as he's basically a kid, he only seems to feel remorse whenever something really goes wrong. The original Lion-O had the excuse that he was a kid. Roar Lion-O is just a really, really silly character in a really, really silly cartoon.

They go to Driller, who is eating popcorn, watching an episode of Building with Berbils. They are really using those Berbils this episode; they must be making up for their lack of appearances since the first episode. Also, how is he even enjoying that popcorn? Is that an alternative fuel source? Whatever.

Panthro, having dots for eyes for no real reason other than they didn't want to finish drawing the ThunderCats, begs Driller to drill, as only drilling can solve this problem somehow. Lion-O tries to handle it, because that worked so well for the rest of the episode, with a speech about drilling.

Or, since Driller is a robotic being, Panthro can just rewire his positronic brain to bypass all of his emotions. Thanks to this rewiring, Driller stops caring about anything, being happy all the time, and he doesn't mind this at all because he's always feeling good. See, all we had to do was essentially brainwash the guy to be good. That's what heroes should do!

To make a long story short, Panthro fixes everything, just as he always does. To make a short story long again, he has the unwillingly-happy Driller drill directly to the core, and then pushes his "Reverse" switch. Somehow, for reasons that are surely different than "this episode needs to end", this stabilizes the core. Even the show is aware of how silly this is.

Lion-O: He stabilized the core by unstabilizing it in reverse!

Tygra: That's how science works!

SCIENCE!

It's no Respek Knuckles. At this point, I honestly expected a scene where Driller goes backwards, somehow causing the holes to disappear. Maybe that's what happened, but they didn't animate it.

In the end, Driller becomes his...

NEW FRIEND!

Oh hush. As payment for helping him find his point again, not only does he accept his new head rewiring, he offers to fix Panthro's head wiring with his head drill! I guess that's one bit of comeuppance, even if he never gets to do it.

Lion-O reassures Panthro that he will continue to have a point too, as he broke everything already, and the rest of the ThunderCats and Driller laugh at how he has learned nothing. Driller then teleports, and Cheetara asks what was the point of him even being here. I don't really get it.

How does it stack up?

The creep factor of this episode's solution aside, this isn't a terrible episode. Most of it is just Lion-O being silly and not really being that funny outside of maybe a handful of jokes, and the rest is unnotable at worst. It's adequate. Three cats.

Next, unicorns! Yup, they did exist in the original, believe it or not. Honestly, I'd be surprised if they didn't exist in a universe with cat people in it.

← Prank Call 🐈 Secret of the Unicorn →

#fpb tcr #thundercats roar #fpb reviews #cartoon network

[ghostmartyr]

SnK 112 Thoughts

Congrats to Eren on giving all the good people contributing to his series’ Wild Mass Guessing page a shout-out. Good on you, man. You’ve got my vote on your cult not doing anything wrong or aggravatingly stupid ever.

Also, Zeke!

It’s rare we see such a prime example of a leader in a shounen manga knowing how to delegate. Props, my man!

I hope Annie kicks both your heads off!

This is an emotional chapter.

Before we begin, I have one thing I need to get off my chest.

Thank you for your time.

First thing first!

I love how Nicolo’s entire theory is, “something shady is up with the wine and idk Zeke and spinal fluid sounds right????” This entire chapter is one long tribute to everything the fandom has ever screamed about and it is fantastic in that one aspect.

Also, hey, hope for Falco. Zeke waits until all the bottles are empty before he screams, so I would guess that he at least prefers his victims to be properly dosed. Falco should be okay. The blunt force trauma might actually be the more concerning bit for the bright and shiny little one.

Another thing I love is how every single mention of Marley somehow makes Marley come across even worse.

Sorry, that’s not fair.

I love how every single mention of Marley reminds and confirms that they are the worse, and the reminders serve to dig that knowledge deeper into all our souls until we almost don’t mind when innocent civilians are wiped off the map if it means that structure no longer exists.

“Almost” being subject to innate character and morality.

Eren does not recognize the union of “almost” and adds the asterisk of “younglings” after “innocent civilians.”

Hell though, Nicolo. At least you found yourself, even if it did come after battering a child into unconsciousness. And you kept Connie and Jean from drinking the bad juice.

I really like the interaction between Nicolo and Sasha’s dad. Nicolo’s not the man he is. He loses himself in his anger and only chance stops him from crossing a very serious line.

But Mr. Blouse is the type of man Nicolo can see the merit in, and define himself by that gap because the end of that gap is something so much better than the man who come close to murdering children.

Some people are still learning to be better, even now, because of the good people they surround themselves by.

Gabi has been surrounded by nothing but warmth (barring Nicolo and Kaya’s trauma) since arriving to Paradis. Falco is a good guy. Mikasa and Armin are good people. The family of the soldier she killed are good people.

She isn’t charging at Mikasa and Armin (and geez every time these kids get a distance shot when the other characters are standing up it fucks me up; they are too tiny for any of this). She’s been passionately defending everything she and Marley has done, but now she’s quiet, and all she can do is ask for her friend, who keeps saving her life, to not be killed. All she can do is offer up her life to make up for the crimes that she can’t imagine being forgiven.

She is so young. Killing and violence and death are the obvious conclusions to her. She’s been taught that, and she excels at that, but now she keeps finding people who are willing to stand down and not kill her.

Reiner’s character is a slow stumble into his morality breaking his mind. Slowly, the idea that these people he’s surrounded by are people encroaches.

Gabi’s thrown into the deep end and the plot keeps shoving her head down when she struggles to the surface to breathe. None of this has been kind on her. The violent assault on her sanity is the kind she’s only ever been exposed to physically.

I haven’t put much thought into what I want from the Warriors, because thoughts of anything Marley adjacent always tend to irritate me. They’re trapped in a broken cycle that they’re perpetuating, and that makes them impossible to root for.

But I think Gabi needs her cousin.

She’s always wanted to be strong for him, and he’s only clinging to life because he wants to be strong for her and Falco.

Reiner knows what it’s like to learn that your simple world is infinitely more complicated than you can bear. This is his little cousin, and she’s gone through the crash course version of his nightmare. She doesn’t need the right answer that makes it all okay (there isn’t one), but a hug and someone understanding all of the twisting moral paradoxes shattering her insides would be such a helpful thing.

Heck, it would be good for Reiner, too. Seeing all of his pain in someone he doesn’t have the heart to blame. Maybe he could find some sort of path to peace in that.

Then everything just goes straight to hell.

Despite this chapter’s... this chapter...ness, Eren stepping straight into the backroom with his hand covered in blood? Hella fucking cool. Like. That is one thing I absolutely did not see coming, and it is a great way to bring him on back in.

I thought he wouldn’t get to talk to Armin or Mikasa until his plan exploded and they needed to bail him out. I never once expected him to just walk right in and take his buddies hostage for a nice, quiet conversation.

That said, yike.

Yike, yike, and dare I say it, yikes.

Grior reveals Our Heroes’ location, and that’s... really scary in itself, because Grior tells him that he’s grown too close with Eldians, yet Grior is helping the fanatical Eldians act in accordance with Zeke’s plans.

So it isn’t that Nicolo’s gotten too close with Eldians, it’s that he’s grown close to them without the purpose of exploiting them. Which, as every Marleyan soldier knows, is a bad thing.

And Floch doesn’t mind. He’s accepting the help of Grior without any comment.

Let’s do a brief headcount: Yelena, Zeke, and Eren run a cult of fanatic Eldians under the banner of a new Eldian Empire. Paradis’ military is theoretically running Paradis but really sentenced to the whims of said cult. At least one prisoner of war sides with helping out the cult. The Anti-Marley Volunteers (or at least Onyankopon) are in the dark.

Floch is, partially, willing to let Zeke’s plans play out however they may because they can work to destabilize the current Paradis government.

It’s fitting that this chapter is called, “Ignorance.” Willful and unwillful.

And as Eren says, nothing is further from freedom.

Now let’s get to the fun happy times of EMA.

See? Eren gets out of prison and the first thing on his mind is talking to his best friends! Such a touching, emotional sentiment!

...

Yeah, do you guys know where to begin? I don’t.

This is just.

Honestly, I keep moving back to yikes?

Eren is gathering people he has no emotional attachment to to his side, and aggressively pushing his friends away. He is doing everything he can to abandon them on the roadside and make sure they will have zero desire to come crawling back to him.

The question is if he’s doing this because he believes it’s best within his own head, he believes it’s the best response to being threatened into this, or if Eren’s just gone completely haywire in the membrane and his PTSD is finally attacking people besides himself emotionally.

This kind of deliberate cruelty has like. motive.

Mikasa tries to talk to Eren by reminding him of how kind he is. The warmth is what saves her in her mind, not the violence. She’s the one to bring up the kidnapping.

Eren counters.

Nothing like kindness saves her. It’s biology. Friendship doesn’t bind them, slavery does. Happenstance brings them together and keeps them there.

Mikasa argues. She says he’s wrong, and tells him it’s because of him that she’s strong, meaning him as a person.

Eren doesn’t address that. Despite being the one to ask how he’s wrong, when he’s given an attempt at an answer, he keeps monologuing rather than respond to Mikasa’s feelings for him. He brings up her headaches.

Mikasa is dead, and a slave, and he hates her.

“Do you know who I hate most in this world? Anyone who isn’t free.”

Ignorance is furthest from freedom. Even in this script Eren has adopted, no matter how much of it is the truth, if Eren’s seeking to relieve Mikasa of her ignorance, he’s seeking to bring the slave he hates so much freedom. From him.

Funny, she might protect Eren automatically, but she doesn’t have any problem with headaches when Armin punches Eren and makes him bleed.

Armin earns a less prolonged speech before all of it, and it’s...

For both of them, this is the worst thing they could hear from Eren. Armin, as a child, always feels useless next to his strong friends. His huge moment in Trost comes from realizing they never see him that way. It’s all in his head.

This isn’t in his head. This is Eren, telling him he’s useless.

Telling him that Bertolt, who’s only in his head because Eren fought tooth and nail to put him there, is interfering with his free will.

(Also even if everything Eren is saying is the bull it feels like, can has Frieda!Eren? Memory seepage. Canonize my brotp, manga. Do it.

(Double also, lol at Eren saying that memories are part of who you are, and Armin having Bertolt’s means bad things, but Eren having... lots has no effect, he is teh free as a bird. Kiddo, you are not a good bad guy.))

Eren calls himself free before he starts talking. He’s free from his ignorance in a way they are not, and he chooses to enlighten his friends.

Good grief. And more grief. Less than good grief?

Terrible grief?

ALL the grief.

Eren’s the one who wants a peaceful talk with his friends. All so he can beat the crap out of them physically and emotionally.

Eren.

What in the fuck. What reason could you possibly have to need Armin and Mikasa that far away from you? Why do they need to be pushed out of trying to see the good in you?

I’m sure there’s a reason, because story.

But wow.

Killing younglings was one thing. Lording the high ground and your blood brother over your real family?

Your heroic sacrifice where you finally die and everyone’s crying about how you did all this stupid stuff alone but truly for a good cause had better make me cry like a damn baby kid, or you are dead to me.

Additionally, heeeey. Guess what.

Guess what Eren’s learned about important things.

And throwing them away.

Can you guess.

Can you.

It’s the family he has that isn’t pro-murder.

That’s actually of serious interest to me, because one of the things I think the story has been moving towards is an actual examination of the belief that you need to sacrifice things to change things. While Armin states that in a philosophical, hey, this seems like how we win, way, the story has, more and more, focused on the love that keeps people from making certain sacrifices.

Eren’s thrown love, the only reason Armin’s alive to punch him, away.

For as dark as this story is, that’s never been the right choice. Letting people go is understood and respected. Disloyalty is scorned and rejected.

My theory for a while has been that the true answer to these sacrifices is that if you throw away the things you care about to change the world, that world will have changed into something abominable.

The world would be a different place if Sasha didn’t care about killing children.

Sasha being Sasha is why Nicolo tries to fight Zeke’s plans.

Eren’s world without Armin and Mikasa is not going to be a better one for him, and possibly not for anyone else, either.

Then we lead into...

Things that just make me really, really uncomfortable.

I don’t mind people like Levi suggesting that someone eats Zeke, then dies in a few months when Historia eats that person. I. That’s fine. That’s a fine plan, and it makes sense for where they’re at, and anyone who agreed to that would agree, no issue.

Historia’s plotline continues to make me... uncomfortable is really the word. Not the tragic, devastating uncomfortable that Eren’s stuff is. Just... the sickening kind. The fact that people have, off-screen, come to terms with perpetuating the same kind of bloody sacrifice of their children that plagues their entire society after we had an entire arc ending with Historia going hey, actually fuck that...

A thirteen-year-old being bred to eat its mother is a disgusting concept.

I know I’ve said it before, and I realize people are probably done with my feelings on the subject, but if that is really the story being told--even if it avoids that conclusion, the fact that a scheme like that is allowed to get so far without any comment to the contrary except by the Kylo Ren wannabe at the very start--

Why in the fuck should I care what happens to these people?

You raise a child to die for you, you don’t deserve to live.

What happens if they don’t consent in thirteen years? What if they don’t want to eat their mommy? Oh well, we’re going to force you, just like every other Eldian society from the dawn of time? Or guilt you into it because thousands of lives depend on you having none?

Fuck all of you. If that’s your plan, I don’t mind Zeke killing each and every last one of you. I will naturally prefer if he dies in the process, but it’s not the prerequisite you might think.

(Repeated statement that at this point, I will be doing my fandom activities until the series ends, but yeah. This is the place where I choose to opt out, emotionally, if it’s really going down like this.)

Um. In news that actually matters to people who aren’t me, heeeeey, Levi alone in the forest with 31 titans.

This is why the SnK kinkmeme was created.

It’s also really sad.

They killed the titans inside their home.

Zeke’s bringing them back.

Annie needs to kick so many people in the head I can’t even.

#Shingeki no Kyojin #SnK 112 #Shiganshina Trio #shingeki no spoilers #SnK spoilers #spoilers #tl;dr #chapter post

[lady-bluebird-luv]

Figuring out how to handle SNK

The last few chapters of AoT have set off a lot of alarm bells, and I’m not really sure how to feel. There have been a lot of weird, uncomfortable revelations for a while now: Erwin has connections to Erwin Rommel, who is sometimes considered almost heroic for his involvement in Operation Valkyrie, and whose contributions to the Holocaust are sometimes debated, but who was nevertheless a major component to the Nazi war machine and not nearly as innocent as he’s sometimes made out to be (often by Nazi sympathizers and apologists). Isayama has also defended Japanese war crimes in Korea and glorified a sanitized Yoshifuru Akiyama with his portrayal of Pixis. I’ve stuck by the series for a long time - I wasn’t actually aware of the Akiyama/Pixis stuff and the Korea comments until recently, embarrassingly, and because I love the story and its characters, I was willing to give Isayama the benefit of the doubt. It’s pretty common to see a love of German language, culture, history, etc. in anime and manga (as weird and uncomfortable as I think that is), so the Rommel stuff seemed, several years ago, like a really misguided character design that was potentially a result of insensitive and uneducated, but not necessarily fascistic or antisemitic, fascination with the man. 

(Spoilers for recent chapters below)

In light of recent chapters, I’m a lot less willing to give Isayama the benefit of the doubt. Zeke’s comments about his and Eren’s goals set off all the alarm bells. Previously, we’ve seen Holocaust parallels in the treatment of Eldians in Marley, and the narrative that they are essentially the cause of the world’s suffering. My first thoughts reading Zeke revealing his ultimate goal was that he was essentially suggesting the final solution. 

Given that Isayama has courted fascism, and war crimes in the past, I think it’s pretty clear at this point that those sentiments have bled into his work. It’s incredibly alarming, makes me very uncomfortable, and brings up the question of whether SNK is a love letter to the Nazis - Which lots of people can and have argued, but which I’m not entirely convinced of. Isayama’s views have obviously influenced the series, and we see references to the Nazis and their allies frequently. Some of these references (again, Pixis) are glorifications that don’t reflect the very real, horrific things these figures did, and that’s unacceptable. But I’m not entirely convinced that the story is a validation of the Holocaust. 

Yes, there are pretty clear parallels between the Eldians and the Jewish people, as well as increasingly clear Holocaust parallels. Militarism, Oppression of people based on their ethnic group, war, and fascism feature heavily in AoT, especially in depictions of Marley and Marleyian characters. But a distinction that I think is important to make is that these themes are not glorified. Dominating rulers of the world’s various factions are corrupt, or liars, or ineffective, or some combination of the three. Time and time again, war and imperialism are shown to not be glorious and exciting, but rather a pointless, brutal exercise that leads to nothing but loss and enduring societal scars. Those who condemn Eldians, calling them devils and working towards the destruction of the Eldian people, are not heroes. Saying that Eren’s goals, or that Eren himself at this point, is “good” is a massive stretch - maybe because of the morals of readers, but also because I really don’t see his goals portrayed in a positive light. The Eldian people he wants to end are victims, and I don’t think the fiery narratives they’re bombarded with negate the fact that they are not, in actuality, demons - they live in a brainwashed society that hates them for crimes that aren’t their fault, forced to respond to people who want to destroy them. People have pointed to the designs of the titans as mimicking anti-semitic caricatures:

And yes, in this case the comparison is there, but this is the only titan that really supports this particular criticism of Isayama’s work. From what I saw when I googled “Attack on Titan titans”, the others don’t have similar features. Titans are also meant to look grotesque, often with features in strange proportions, so the features of this titan that people have zeroed in on doesn’t necessarily scream anti-semitism to me, even in the context of the series. It’s also important to note that, while the unsavory comments like the ones Isayama has made are often made in conjunction with those that are anti-semitic, he hasn’t (as far as I know) made openly anti-semitic remarks, and hasn’t responded to the recent concern over his series. 

I’m also very skeptical of the origin story of the titans that’s been used to point to Isayama’s anti-semitism. Time and time again, the history given to the characters has been falsified (e.g all the history fed to the islanders by the royal family), so I’m not inclined to believe an origin story that’s been used by the Marleyians to their political advantage, especially given the story’s almost mythic depiction. In SNK’s Holocaust parallels, if the Eldians are Jewish, then Marley is Nazi Germany, and it’s pretty clear to me that Marley, a fascistic state, is not and has never been the good guy. 

Maybe Isayama is writing an ode to the Axis powers and never meant for my takeaway from his work to be, “War is awful, and if you teach children to hate each other, you perpetuate a cycle of death, despair, and prejudice.” But that’s the takeaway I have. Considering the comments he’s made, those sentiments may have led to a deeply anti-semitic work, and it’s true that just because something isn’t blatantly anti-semitic doesn’t mean it isn’t supporting Nazis at all. Given my uncertainty, I don’t really know what to decide as to how (or if) I continue to support the series, but I just don’t see AoT as pro-Nazi. I also don’t see a lot of evidence for AoT being a reversal in which the people inside the walls are the “Aryans” and forces like Marley are the Jewish people/Africans oppressing them, which I known is a theory some people have proposed. 

I don’t deny the horrors of the Holocaust and Nazi Germany, and I’m not defending Isayama’s comments, as much as some people reading this may decide otherwise. As much as I’m not entirely convinced AoT is meant to be Nazi propaganda, I don’t deny that Isayama has made some pretty fucked up decisions while writing his manga. It brings up the debate of whether or not people should support work they enjoy when the author has been established as an unpleasant person (i.e. Ender’s Game and Orson Scott Card), and whether art can be separated from the person that makes it. I don’t think Attack on Titan can be separated from influences on the author that clearly shine through, but I’m also not convinced that the manga is one big jerk-off session to fascist, anti-semitic regimes. I’m very hesitant to condemn it, especially considering that SNK isn’t over. Maybe, based on the way the story ends or developments in future updates, I’ll change my opinion. For now, I see the alarming elements there are in AoT as more of a jumble of Isayama’s beliefs than evidence of a concrete pro-Nazi narrative, as dangerous and vile as they are. 

Granted, I’m biased. I love AoT’s characters, and I have a lot of good memories of the story. It’s been a big part of my life for a long time, and I want to preserve it if I can do so with my conscience intact - I like to think that my love of fictional people doesn’t undermine my hatred of violent bigots. I don’t want to annihilate something that I see a good message in because of vile things the author says when it’s not entirely clear to what extend those sentiments shine through and what conclusion the story will ultimately make. If, as the story continues, something happens that makes its anti-semitism undeniable, I’ll condemn it in a heartbeat. But I’m not wholly convinced at this time, and I haven’t reached that breaking point. 

#attack on titan #antisemitism #nazis #snk spoilers #snk 114 #snk 116 #snk analysis #bluebird's snk meta

[grand-alter]

Flirting with Death

Cross-Posted from my entry of the same name on FFN and AO3.

Nothing... this duty has yielded nothing but anguish for every soul which found its way to him. His heart no longer felt for their grief, but a particular exception did catch his eye. Perhaps, this could finally be it... his chance to bend the system.

---

Mortal life…

Quite the intriguing privilege for those of the material plane, yet it had been wasted on beings like the ones of humanity. They held a rather profound sense of duty and honor… but they were such fickle creatures regardless. No matter how far they played out their insignificant lives, they would simply perish from the pitiable consequences of human nature.

…And he dealt in passing along each and every one of those same beings.

It was sheer monotony…

Their souls would only pass on and reincarnate into a new cycle.

…Another existence of despair and futility.

But it was his duty, in spite of how it perpetuated such a hopeless world of people.

Though, he was beyond it… he followed that routine, but he was beyond it…

During his contemplation on that matter, the ominous entity had been standing within the shifting mist of a boundless void. As his mind was set on those thoughts, he perks up from sensing another presence before him, the arrival of another soul.

Yet another victim to this pointless loop of misery…

It was a young woman… a petite girl who possessed brown eyes and blonde hair. As the girl looked at the surrounding expanse from perplexity, the reaper regards her appearance.

“Your time in life has ended. Now… you must pass.”

She freezes up from hearing those chilling words be uttered to her, but she still turns her sight over toward the looming figure who was shrouded in a flowing cloak before her.

…

…

…

“None can escape a fate such as this… That is all.”

At those solemn words, she almost locks into place on the spot, just staring at him say that.

…

…

…

Hm… no response at all. So, another silent one. Not that uncommon. Most souls would either reject the deity or accept him in kind.

But quite a few… like this one, remained speechless throughout the encounter. Perhaps broken from realizing the gravity of their demise.

As he held his keen sight on the girl standing before him, she collapses onto her knees, still not uttering any kind of sound.

Seems he must drag another one along, but it would be a simple task. He begins walking toward the girl who was hanging her head. She lays motionless, unmoving in the face of death itself.

He soon comes to a stop before her so that he could kneel down in front of her, and he sets his fingers to her chin. As she shivered from that brief contact, he lifts her face back up. But when her features came into view, he realizes what her case might have been.

Her eyes… her round eyes. They were… void of any light or will to live. Beyond just pain, this spirit was hollow. Quite fascinating of a sight. Such a pure and honest soul… broken and overcome by sorrow till the end.

How pitiable for a being like her, but…

“Hm…”

Alone…

No one but himself… likely just like her life prior. If he was so above it all, maybe…

The reaper straightens himself back up, resolved in his deliberation on that, and he extends his hand down toward the quiet girl.

“Do you… wish to live?”

She freezes up at that gesture from him, staring off at his offer. The girl continues remaining paralyzed from a mixture of terror and wonderment.

…

But… she soon reaches out for the limb, trembling due to her shambled form. And when her fingers came into contact with his, she flinches at truly feeling him, but she goes through on it.

His hand was as cold as the abyss… but it was more than she had ever been given before.

…

…

…

---------

…

…

…

A dreadful air had been present throughout the confines of his domain, stretching from the central room of the immense structure. Within that chamber, a robed figure was lounging on a throne at the top of a staircase, his crimson eyes locked on the large windows before him.

As the quiet man had monitored what was beyond those panes, watching countless sparkles of light shifting around in that bottomless space, his chin had been resting on his fist. The hood of his dark cloak had also been pulled away from his head, revealing his messy, brown hair.

Decade after decade, century after century… his duty had become tedious.

But, the past several years for him had been rather… interesting.

In the next few moments, the hem of his robe begins swaying from a sudden wind picking up in his throne room. As the swirling wind began intensifying around him, he feels a wicked smirk come to his face at that, noticing the gale concentrate itself near the base of the stairs.

The black winds of that tempest then scatter away in an instant, unveiling a mysterious figure who was clad in a uniform of red and black. It was a young woman… a rather familiar girl who bore a chilling grin across her face, in spite of the blood which stained her body and garbs.

As the yellowish glow from outside shined off of the black roses on her silky, blonde hair, the girl begins stepping up toward the man on the throne, licking at the blood near her lips. She soon reaches the robed man, not bothered at all by him witnessing her messy state.

Before he could utter anything to her, she sets herself down on the pant leg of his lap, knowing he would not object to such a brazen act. As she laid her head against his shoulder, he wraps an arm around her lithe waist, pulling her closer toward his torso.

He sets his other hand to her chin, lifting her face toward seeing his own, “Did you enjoy your trip, Philei?”

As he gazed into her round, orange eyes, she gives a little smirk to his question, “Oh, Zhn…”

She leans in toward his ear at that, removing his hand from her face, “...Every last second of it.”

When she opened her small hand in response, a myriad of ethereal spheres emerge from her palm. As she giggled from whispering that, he gives a quick wave of his hand, making each and every one of those orbs vanish from their presence.

As numerous ripples dotted the space beyond the room, he takes her chin into his hand, running his fingers across her soft skin, “So… how did it go, my dear?”

She stifles another giggle from him asking that, a light blush on her cheeks, “Hm, it was pure bliss. So many people to find, so much blood to spill. And especially for today…”

When she let that excited giggle break out, he raises an eyebrow at her, “Found more of those girls? From Yasogami?”

She gives him a twisted smile at that curiosity of his, “They were taking quite the… dangerous route back home… I just couldn’t resist the opportunity.”

She looks down at her bloodied hands, feeling them shake from excitement at the mere thought of that, “They were practically begging for it. I… tore them limb from limb. It felt so good ripping out one of their throats while all of the others watched.”

As he stared at her showing that elation from committing such an atrocity, she stuffs a hand into her lap, relishing in that memory for all of its worth, “Their terrified screams… the looks on their faces… I could’ve indulged in them forever.”

When she gave her words on that event, he pulls her back into a close embrace, calming her down from that sadistic fervor. She almost gasps from the intimate contact, but she feels herself relax from his arms being wrapped around her in the silence of that grand chamber.

He returns his gaze to her own in the lull of that discussion, seeing her expression become flushed due to their proximity, “Splendid work… always a pleasure knowing your results.”

When he gave her a warm smile in light of that remark, she returns the smile in kind, “Of course… anything for my savior.”

As the light of the souls beyond the room illuminated them, he then wraps an arm around her neck, pulling her into a passionate kiss. She wraps her own arms around his neck as she enjoyed the deepness of that act, feeling her blush grow darker from the heated exchange.

During that period, he sets a hand onto the back of her head, keeping her locked there in the session of warmth between them. They soon part from their kiss, huffing in the aftermath.

When they steadied their breaths from that, she rests her head back on his shoulder, “You are mine… and I am yours, my dear.”

Yes… and it would be as such to no end for those beings of death in that world. Quite the delight for the deity… and his angel.

---

Well, this kinda came out of nowhere... and now I feel conflicted about it. I did just do my 'perfect happy ending' story for Zen and Rei, and I immediately follow it up with a 'dark and edgy' AU which is basically a weird inverse of that same Good Ending. Now I feel 100% more trashy as a writer.

But regardless, I did make this as a sort of Evil Beginning in relation to that Good Ending. It basically comes down to 'What if Zhn was as heartless and malevolent as Chronos instead of being its benevolent human counterpart?'. And as he got fed up with doing his work, what would also happen to Niko when she eventually meets him upon her death in the year of 1999.

And this is the result, Zhn keeping her as his own personal item who could keep him company and vent her frustrations on the people she resents. And for those of you wondering, those 'Yasogami Girls' were not any of the P4 girls since that part would have occurred at some point during the mid-2000s.

#fanfiction #fanfiction net #ffn #archive of our own #ao3 #persona #persona q #zen #rei #zen and rei #zhn #philei

[him-e]

Hi!! I am thinking about to watch Netflix You... would you recommend it? I have read some reviews say that Beck (the leading girl, i suppose) is kind of annoying/ not relatable/unlikable.... What do you think? And what do you think about the show general?

I liked it with some reservations. Overall it’s an enjoyable show, even entertaining at times (the tone is not as dark as you’d think, though it’s still obviously worth a million trigger warnings for the topic it deals with—also mind that there’s no rape scenes or anything, but the entire dynamic between Joe and Beck is based on a fundamental, irreconcilable lack of consent on her part, because Joe essentially manipulates her into starting a relationship with him. And, massive trigger warning for child abuse). Plot wise, there are several things that require a stretch of imagination and are borderline implausible imo (e.g. how easy it is for Joe to gather personal info on Beck via google/social media, the fact that he keeps reading her messages and knowing everything she does via her old phone, the whole… locking people in his special chamber in the basement thing and nobody noticing, how easily he gets away with the shit he does in general despite not being particularly accurate at covering his tracks which is only possible because his victims’ friends seem to not be asking any questions, and other stuff).

I know some viewers were uncomfortable with how sympathetic Joe comes across, but honestly that’s par for the course when your main pov *is* the villain (specifically, a stalker, abuser and murderer who absolutely refuses to think of himself as such, and seems to genuinely believe he’s doing all the right things for the right reasons). I will say it’s a bit jarring because, if you don’t consider what Joe does *behind the scenes*, a lot of the time especially in the first half of the season he superficially seems to be saying and doing all the right things a boyfriend *should* be saying and doing, you know? He’s supportive of her writing, hangs with her friends, even encourages her to stand up against a professor who molests her. His abusive behavior is actually well concealed when Beck is actually around to see, in contrast with the high-key stalking he does behind her back. So it’s kind of subtle, but also not subtle at all given our added insight into what Joe does to manipulate this relationship unbeknownst to Beck. If you will, it’s a pretty interesting commentary on how this sort of behavior can easily go completely undetected, or even pass off as romantic and caring, and how an abuser can entirely hide behind the facade of a good, kind, supportive partner, particularly in the early stages of a relationship (also, you don’t need to be an entirely bad person in every aspect of your existence to be an abuser; Joe is genuinely trying to protect Paco from domestic abuse, and is also himself an abuser towards Beck—neither thing invalidates the other. On the other hand, given how things… end with Beck and Paco, I think the narrative is ultimately suggesting that Joe’s toxicity cannot be compartmentalized, and that abuse is a cycle that keeps perpetuating itself: having known only abusive behavior as a kid, Joe unwittingly replicates that pattern with Paco even while trying to protect him from a violent stepfather—making Paco dependant on him and eventually complicit).

I think the reason Beck might be perceived as unlikeable/unrelatable/a manic pixie dream girl or whatever (? I didn’t read any opinions on her, I’m just guessing) is precisely because we see her from Joe’s skewed perspective: he’s attracted to her but also wants to change the parts of her that he considers superficial and frivolous. He likes her for what she could potentially be in his hands, rather than for what she is. Like, there are a lot of Joe’s internal monologues that drip with contempt towards the way she conducts her life, her everyday activities, her (perceived) obsession with social media, the friends she surrounds herself with and so on. He wants to change her. He thinks she’s stuck in a superficial basic millennial girl life and he’s the knight in shining armor coming to give her a purpose AND a personality, save her from the life she chose, the friends she thinks she likes but who in his eyes are all manipulative jerks, etc. But he essentially fails to understand her, which is ironic considering how he believes to be the only one who *sees her real beauty* or something. 

Once you take the Joe goggles off, Beck is a pretty interesting character—interesting precisely because she’s flawed and at times, yes, unlikeable. The further she moves from Joe’s romanticizing/objectifying gaze, the more nuanced she gets. There’s an episode that starts with her pov, which remains sadly an isolated event in the entire season, and you can physically feel the switch from Joe’s paternalistic monologue to the real person she is—a person, rather than an object of desire or an idealized concept. She can be selfish and self centered. There’s a huge lie she uses with basically everyone to cope with past familial trauma. She’s a small town girl under the pressure of societal expectations, living probably beyond her possibilities and struggling to keep up with her much richer friends, whose world she’s desperate to be a part of, but also kind of resents. She’s into *bad boys*, apparently—according to Joe, assholes who dgaf about her and will never understand her, unlike him, Mr Nice Guy of course—but really, she’s just an average sexually active woman in her twenties who lives in a big city and has a social life, which Joe clearly sees as something awful and corrupt that she needs to be “saved” from, and if you uncritically absorb his skewed (and very patronizing) perspective, it’s very tempting to condemn her as superficial, promiscuous, insecure, immature or whatever.

(I’ve also read some people going like “why would Joe be obsessed with someone like Beck, she’s so boring”, which is completely missing the point imo? First, I don’t think she’s boring, and second, you can be 100% ordinary and still attract a stalker. To Joe, Beck is a blank slate to project whatever he wants on, so her actual personality is kind of irrelevant beyond what superficially fuels his imagination.)

I mentioned the episode with the pov switch and I’m still scratching my head at the decision to introduce Beck’s pov to keep it around for only half an episode and then immediately drop the ball. It would have been so great to watch the second part of the season (when Joe starts unraveling and reaches peak sociopathic behavior), if not entirely, at least partly from the perspective of the victim, who slowly starts seeing his abusive behavior for what it is, and contrast it with Joe’s pov casting himself as the hero in this story. It would have made for a more interesting and complete narrative, with a much clearer message. Instead, they basically used Beck’s pov for like 10 minutes as a plot device to cover a part of the story that was a blind spot for Joe at that time, only to revert permanently to Joe’s pov for the rest of the narrative, and it felt really random and frustrating and pointless. That’s probably my biggest beef with the show—it’s a missed opportunity.

#anon #asks #// #/// #///// #//// #netflix you #abuse tw #child abuse tw

[getfuckedstayfucked]

callout post for aineedhelp dumbposting majimaguro

@dumbposting @majimaguro since you've been harassing my friends I figured I'd lay this out for you in no uncertain terms. Kyle, if you read this, scroll down to the bottom where there's a screenshot of Charlie literally telling you to die.

Hi Charlie. I deadass had to make a tumblr for this bullshit because your lying has really gotten excessive. I mean really? Telling people you’re 23? Telling people that you were groomed by us? Telling people we forced you to ditch your friends when all you’d do is complain to us about how uncomfortable x person would make you with their requests for sexual roleplay, or their aggressive demeanor, or their shipping wants? Telling people you were abused by us when you clearly have done this more than twice to different friend groups and when one group falls apart you move on to the next and start your predatory cycle all over again???

I can see you do this for every friend group you make, no matter who it is, where they are. You know how I see this? Because you are saying that we did what you told us your old friends were doing - Jasper, Robin, and Merc. You’ve moved the narrative that THEY were sexually abusive groomers/manipulators over to us since your new group of friends doesn’t know about them outside of the parts those new friends (your dear friends who never hurt you ever even though you consistently complain about said new friends behind their backs!) play and now, suddenly, WE were sexually abusive groomers/manipulators because you milked the attention and pity you could get out of us over the awful things you said about Jasper, Robin, and Merc, and in the process you eventually abused the two people who had the patience to stick out that behaviour SO MUCH and for SO LONG that you alienated them. Once they were over how you treated them, then suddenly, they were the bad guys. And you wouldn’t stop rocking the boat because you needed to have your endless little baby tantrum. Now that you’ve pulled the trigger, you can’t unshoot that bullet.

Newsflash? When these people told you THEIR BOUNDARIES - something that amazingly seems to only be valid when you do it - you got pissed at them. When people told you THEY COULDN’T HANDLE SOMETHING - like, oh, you know, detailed descriptions of severe animal trauma/death, or being told repetitively and graphically that you were going to kill yourself/how you were going to do it, they were suddenly awful. Well, you know what? That is textbook manipulation, to use a phrase you seem so fond of. Guilting people for having boundaries and making them feel bad for drawing lines because they want to have a healthy relationship with their friends isn’t bad, you just don’t like it because it means you can no longer do what you want or treat people like crap without repercussions. 

You are a cruel person. You don’t care about anybody but yourself. You are a self-serving, self-driven, emotionless asshole that knows how to twist situations to be in your favor because your favorite tactic is to divide people up from one another so they have less and less outside views of what your treatment is actually like. It takes a lot of practice to be able to do something like you do for so long and so aggressively so I imagine you’ve been doing this for years. You hook someone - or multiple someones - in by being nice and personable and funny and relatable, then you destroy your friend groups by pitting people against one another and when you’ve isolated the people you’re obsessing over, you flip the switch and start to abuse them in private.

And you know what? You are not the victim in this narrative. You are just another abusive jerk who knows you can get that attention from someone somewhere as long as you twist the narrative to fit your ‘I’ve been abused my friends all treat me horribly’ angle. And you know what? I’m sick of you. I’m sick of how you treat my friends, I’m sick of how you treat people in general. You make me sick and if you’re proud of that, that’s not a badge of honor or pride. That means that you are exactly like your father. 

You don’t get to be out here and be like ‘oh no! it was me who was hurt by these people!’ when you're the one harassing them with your nasty, miserable anon hate even though they’ve blocked you time and time again. 

Steven showed me the conversation where you exploded at him for saying he needed a moment, because apparently it’s fucked up to not be able to handle graphic depictions of an animal’s death, and somehow saying that he couldn’t handle that in that moment was a personal attack and he was betraying you by being an unsupportive friend? People have triggers, hunty, you aren’t god’s gift to this earth and you aren’t the only person to have those! HE tried to set his boundaries and what did you do? You shit all over them. You only care about boundaries if they’re your own and if anybody else has one they try to set with you they’re suddenly awful and someone to be tossed aside. 

And you know what else? You forcing Sam to deal with your maladjusted stalking all the time because you’re out here harassing him via tumblr dot com isn't cute. You’re entirely, creepily obsessed with him and irrationally upset that he stood up for himself and got tired of you treating him like your own personal emotional punching-bag. You are a pathetic, vengeful little person who has no life and nothing to do but troll the internet for victims and people you can trick into giving you sympathy until you inevitably wring them dry too and then you abandon them because they won’t give you what you want anymore.

Go fuck yourself. Get fucked, stay fucked. You complained to us and cried to us about Merc and Jasper and Robin and how they either wouldn’t stop bothering you for sexual RP or wouldn’t stop guilting you or pushing you in that direction, or how Robin wouldn’t stop trying to force you to say what she wanted you to say, and now you’re LITERALLY saying that about Steve and Sam? You are not. The fucking. Victim. Here. You are the orchestrator to an amazingly convoluted drama that rotates around you and you alone and I’m sick of this and I’m sick of you and I’m sick of having to hear about the lies you’re posting about my friends.

By the way? You aren’t 23. You are 27 by now! De-aging yourself to seem younger and more vulnerable only works when people don’t know you’re actually older - which, by the way, is SUPER creepy of you to do because it gets you closer to a younger demographic and endears you to them because oh! wow! You’re young and abused just like them! Do you know how fucked up it is to position yourself closer to younger, less experienced, vulnerable people like that? Do you know how fucked up it is to try and net those poor kids with your sob stories and how these ‘bad oldew peopow abewsed yew uwu’ even though that wasn’t the case? It puts you in a position of power and it gives you the reigns in any interactions you have with anybody younger than you and that is creepy and disgusting and you are creepy and disgusting for doing it, especially since your tumblr is filled with a mixture of sfw and 18+ content with zero 18+ follower requirement.

And you know what-- in the same vein, you use your being autistic as a sob story point to make it sound like one more way that you’ve been taken advantage of, but in reality you’re actually the one out here taking advantage of those around you and you’re being ableist while you do it? Wow. Wowiee wow wow.

You infantilize autistic people and say in the process that, in a blanket statement, ALL autistic people can’t fend for themselves or see anything coming at them from a mile away. On top of that, you shit on other autistic people’s special interests? Do you have any idea how many autistic people are out there with special interests focused around kid’s shows, or cartoons in general, or anime, or fandoms? No? Well, here’s a clue: there’s a lot of us (and yes, I am autistic, and yes, I do have special interests involving anime and fandoms, and no, I’m not a predator and I am DEFINITELY not the one out here creepily de-aging themselves to endear themselves to younger people like you are) with special interests ranging from anything from MLP to mushrooms to My Hero Academia (which is, for the record, one of Steve’s special interests, which you shit on him for, you ableist fuck) to Stephen King’s IT and you don’t get to say it’s predatory to have special interests in these areas!!!!!

You are not only perpetuating stereotypes about autistic people but you’re encouraging them because these stereotypes suit you and your current narrative! You’re using the same exact arguments that neurotypicals use! And you know what ELSE? Way to suggest that autistic people who have special interests that aren’t ‘adult’ are predators, too, you nasty little weasel. That’s the kind of narrative that gets autistic people killed!!! How selfish ARE you?

But wait, we really, really aren’t done here. I would really like to address your obsession with accusing people of being groomers and/or predators. 

YOU LITERALLY ROLEPLAYED EDDIE KASPBRACK. YOU ROLEPLAYED HIM AS AGE SIXTEEN AND YOU HAVE DONE SO IN A SEXUAL AND SEXUAL-ADJACENT MANNER. YOU SMUT ROLEPLAYED SEXUAL CONTENT ON A CHARACTER THAT WAS SIXTEEN. YOU ALSO ROLEPLAY AS SHERRY BIRKIN FROM RESIDENT EVIL. SHE IS TEN. YOU CAN’T SAY SHIT. YOU. CAN’T. SAY. SHIT. YOU WROTE SMUT AS UNDERAGE CHARACTERS WHILE USING REAL LIFE UNDERAGE FACECLAIMS AND NOW YOU’RE OUT HERE SAYING THAT SIMPLY WATCHING THESE SHOWS AND BEING INTO THESE FANDOMS IS PEDOPHILIC? I don’t think so. I really, really do not think so.

Saying stuff like ‘reblogging anime posts or gifs or art is child porn’ also belittles and undermines actual CSA/pedophilia victims which is one more tally on the list of fucked up shit you’ve done. Way to be one of those people out there who do their best to divert valuable time and resources that could be spent on actual CSA victims instead of fictional fucking people.

This is a two-way street. You rant about how this is a 13+ site and how adults are responsible for kids in their spaces WHEN THEY HAVE ALREADY GONE TO REASONABLE LENGTHS TO PREVENT MINORS FROM GETTING AT THEIR CONTENT, but you’re always going on about getting high and doing drugs and talking about onlyfans which is AN ADULT SUBSCRIPTION WEBSITE GEARED TOWARDS PEOPLE WHO MAKE PORN OR FETISH CONTENT. You have absolutely ZERO 18+ content warning or follower requirement on your blog! Which is made creepier by the fact that you’ve de-aged yourself by a whole four years, you’re making yourself out to be some kind of abused child who was manipulated by older people, and you’re trying to speak for children. It’s wack. 

For the record, being mentally ill is not an excuse for any of this at all whatsoever. If you hurt someone and you are mentally ill that is still on you. It is on you to learn to live with mental illness and not hurt those around you. When your shitty actions give someone else trauma, that is your fault, and it does have an effect on them, and it does hurt them. Fuck off with that 'no accountability' bullshit you're peddling. That's not how life works. Your actions have affected those around you and it takes a massive amount of willful ignorance to go around acting like you don't fucking know that already, especially considering that other people’s mental illnesses hurt you-- unless you were lying to us about that, too. 

Get some fucking help and get out of our collective DMs........ Or don’t and get high like you always do instead of accepting responsibility for your actions, Mr. 'I'm lucid enough to be able to blame my mental illness for my own behaviour when that bs wouldn't even hold up in court'. Whatever.

I’m done with your shit.

Here's some receipts. Kyle, whoever you are, I suggest you run the fuck away before they start doing to you what they've done to Steve and Sam. Good luck having a friend who non-jokingly says they wish you would die because that is extraordinarily fucked up. 

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Some tea about how you were fed up with the people treating you like shit instead of you being forced to ditch these people 

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#queued post #aineedhelp #dumbposting #majimaguro #abusive people #narcissism #narcissists #abuse #abusers #emotional abuse #gaslighting #manipulation #weaponized mental health