#alettertoyou
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The Letter.
Dear, Leonardo
Everyday spent without you is horrible. Since leaving New York I've been dreaming of coming back. You and your brothers were the only ones that kept me going and I knew that I couldn't leave you guys but I had to I didn't belong in your world after all, you guys were the best thing that happened to me and every day I thought about that. 
I hope you realize that me leaving doesn't mean I don't love you. I love you a lot, but I had to leave before I destroy the universe especially since I wasn't even supposed to meet you all, but having the power of able to jump to universe to universe got me thinking I just had to see you guys, but knowing that I could collapse the universe, I couldn't take that risk no matter how much I love you but Leo I love you so much and I hope I'm gonna be able to see you again. 
I'm sorry Leonardo but the secret I kept and holding since it consumed my heart, I couldn't keep them not when I know you're far from me they just... It wasn't the right time and I don't think I'm ever going to be yours. I'm sorry that I left, but this is the only choice I have left. I love you Leo and I always well. I hope you have a good life, you and your brothers and be happy, find someone else don't hold back because of me.
Your interdimentional traveller,
your love.

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I love you but if i could do it all over I'd probably omit the part where I text you and we start talking. Even if we did, I'd stop myself every once in a while to wriggle back out of love.
Look, what I feel for you is something I cannot contemplate. I don't know what love is but surely not this constant pain which is physically impossible to exist. I wanna get out of this bottomless pit of self deprecation by stopping to feel anything about you. Then again, I wonder, how does one just stop feeling for another person one day. How is it even possible? One simply cannot stop making a person their centre of existence in a moment and go by in life, can they?
I don't want to believe I am in love with you no matter what my friends say for I don't want to tell people my first love was a guy who played me over and over and I being too naiive, never gave up on him. I don't that to be my story. I don't want to be that girl.
I'm no dreamer but I really want to believe love doesn't feel like being pooped on by a bird because that how you make me feel, crappy and embarrassed. I like to think I'm better that that. I like to think I deserve better.
Lookin back, I really try to convince myself how you were never a jerk and it was my fault to have over thought the whole situation. How ridiculous is that? No! You were an absolute jerk. You were a manipulative son of a bitch. You made me believe so many things which you never even fucking meant. How blunt had I been to oversee that?
I had really thought you were better but no, you were all the very same, evidently, even worse. Hilarious how I never noticed so before.
Sometimes when I get this instant urge to fuck it all and text you, it takes everything to not to. This is a giant spiral and it might take a hell lot of time to get out of it and I don't wanna go deeper. I really really don't.
But one cannot really stop caring overnight. Believe me, I'm trying. Plus, you being the great jerk you are makes it easier.
There still is a tiny part in me that desperately wants to believe that you are not evil and it's still my fault that I'm expecting too much from you. But is it too much to ask that you at least acknowledge of my existence? Maybe for you, that is.
I cannot believe the guy I felt things for and you are the same. Funny how time changes people.
You screwed me over, pulled me back in, made me feel things nobody did, told me things that made me go into a frenzy. I craved for you when you left even if I had known all along you will. Yes, I knew my heart was so gonna get broken before it all happened. Before reality hit me in the face, like a fucking boulder. I don't know exactly what happened that led into us becoming this estranged, wait let me re frame it, that led me into becoming emotionally scarred and you becoming whatever you are today.
Today it pained me to look at you. While one part of me was strangely determined to avoid you and run, the other part felt a loss. A loss that makes me hurt in places I never knew existed. It makes me want to strangle myself because I let you go, once again (as if you were ever really mine), makes me wonder if I'm gonna see you again. What if we really never see each other again? For the very rational part of me, it's a relief. The other part, not so much. Was it really the last I saw of you?
I remember when we used to be real close, when we used to spend every wakeful hour of day talking to each other. That is a happy freaking memory I have. That phase was too good to be true. Of course I should have seen it coming. Nothing good comes without consequences. I, for one should have known that happiness lasts for a moment, I should have been preparing for the doom instead of listening to you talk my ear off.
I wish I could say it's your loss and I'll still live but I cannot. I know what I lost and lucky for you I'm just another chick around the corner you'll find plenty of because when you find the real fucking deal, you'll need to fight for her. God, I hope you do. You deserve to be happy too.
Just for this while though, I want you to be a real jerk. Be a terrible, horrible jerk and make it easier for me. Please?
PS. I did not write it I swear; my alter ego did.
#heartbreak#quote on hurt#love#letter#long reads#writeup#lettertomyfriend#spilledfeelings#spilledwriting#iwritetofeel#iwrotethistohim#alettertoyou#lettingyougo#letters#wishingyouluck#idontloveyou#spilled think#spilled writing#spilled ink#spilled thoughts#spilled poetry#spilled words#words
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Penumbral/Dear Reader 18/5
Peace doesn’t write poetry, chaos does. Take it, use it. It’s yours. Noone
Else has lived your life. If only they could understand the world the way you do,
Nuanced by your experience and filled with your understanding. You shouldn’t
Underestimate the power that words have. Days pass, with words hung in your
Mind. I beg of you, set them free, the world would give anything to hear your
Bold and bashful words. Sometimes it's just better to put things down on paper,
Relieve your mind of all your sorrows, your heart and your thoughts. It’s
Art, know that above all else. Words paint macabre, meaningful and melancholy
Lines onto the mind of the reader, just make sure they’re the write ones. :)
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I’ve had to stop writing this verse 3 times cause I started shedding tears and got too emotional... #ALTY #handsoftime #alettertoyou #23years #ripjnp https://www.instagram.com/p/CFg8mFUFOOE/?igshid=8v2a7p66tt7j
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Thank you Shannon Beverage
Shannon Beverage is my biggest role model because she is so honest and real. She truly cares for everyone she meets and it shows . She makes you feel special and loved and she can do that just threw her videos. She is someone that people strive to be like when they are older. Her sharing her story in “A letter to you” and “what it feels like to come out” has changed my life forever. I’m going through it right now and to see that someone else is going through it too completely changes everything. It makes you feel like your not the only one going through it and all the “your not alone’s” finally feels kinda true. I’ve tried everything to not be gay I was never religious and all of a sudden I was going to church actually trying to pray the gay away knowing that where I live and the way people are raised here I won’t be able to come out. I would be completely shunned and would bring shame to my family. Think of it, this is what kids are feeling. Just because they like the same sex or they don’t feel like the gender they were born into they feel that they are truly bringing shame to their family. Right now even though I know it’s true I still deny it and I feel like if I type it out or write it I can help myself and others who feel the same way. The word gay or lesbian actually hurts to say it sometimes because it’s just sounds so strong and scary. It shouldn’t be that way. Kids need to learn that being gay is normal and there are people like you going through the same things. I haven’t been around on your channel for very long but in the time span of about 6 months you have completely changed my life for the better after I came across some of you videos. I know watch many different kinds of YouTubers and try to accept myself by seeing that I can be happy like them. I’m still not out to really anyone but my best friend and my girlfriend. My best friend says that the relationship IK in is toxic and is ruining my mental state but I can’t help but to love her for every time she hurts me. She sees what I am going through and is my biggest supporter. She just wants to hold me and tell me that it’s going to be ok but it’s hard to believe that sometimes. She wants to protect me from the outside world and the heavy Christan town we live in. Thank you Shannon for everything and I just wanted to share this with you. I’m sorry for all the rambling but it’s very late here and I’m just watching your A Letter to you video again and again trying to capture your words and imbed it into my head so I’ll never forget it. Your words in the videos are so powerful and honest and yet you can still make me laugh at the end. I love you so much and can’t wait until I can feel what’s it’s like to live again meet #nowthisisliving one day maybe. ❤️
#shannon beveridge#nowthisisliving#thank you#ALetterToYou#whatItFeelsLikeToComeOut#lgbtq#lgbt#gay#come#out
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Love Under The Stars
I am daydreaming about the hopes and dreams you once shared with me that chilly night by the fire place. Your cheeks flushing red, as you opened up to me. You thought your way of life was dumb. But, that’s what I love about you. Your majestic enthusiasm about the things that lighten up your world. Hands locked with mine you told me of all the things you loved and desired to accomplish. My mind losing track only to focus on your thoughts ... but more specifically your lips and your eyes the way they gazed into mine. Your soul almost touching mine ... I fell in love. I think you did too but ... we denied it that same night. Now it is has become our greatest regret. They say timing was the problem as I too believe it was. I still want you to know that throughout all of this pain, I still and always will love you. I’ll be waiting for you here dancing alone in the dark. Because I know deep down it was my soulmate I met that same night. With glowing stars above looking down at the love we once shared & denied.
- Yamilet Sotarriba
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Some time ago, I had this “your world of text” space where people can write anything - mostly letters to someone or maybe to themselves. A space for things that need to be said. I honestly had forgotten I had this until it suddenly came to mind earlier. I went back and some of the letters were so touching. Some were heartbreaking. If you remember this or have written on this wall, I hope your life since then has been kind and warm.
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A Letter To You
A Letter To You
I’m sitting here right now
With pictures of you on my mind
Wondering what you’ve been upto.
So many questions on my mind
That I can’t ask you anymore.
How have you been?
Have you been keeping safe?
How’s your work going?
How have your duties been?
How many Covid-19 rotations
Have you had to do so far?
I hope you’re taking precautions.
Do you have adequate protective equipments (PPEs).
I…
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Woman
a woman that meets my cries with smiles
Theres more to hope for in life with your loving touch
I feel the tenderness of the rain when you try to save me from it,
Youre more than a hero that could save my mind, body, and soul.
For once i wish you weren't so far from me, i just need the embrace at nights like this when all i feel was emptiness
The way you cradle my baby soul
The way you treated me like a fine soul,
I love you with every beats of my heart, your the smile i think about at night.
May i sail my dreams towards you, let me reach it till the day my heart and yours meet, may we find both our eyes smiling in our hearts content.
May you always be the woman i know.
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A Letter To You
A Letter To You
I’ve been wanted to write you a letter for a long time now. I wanted to write you a letter because I know how forthcoming I can be and I know the intensity of my conversations from me to you may have pushed you away from me which was never my intention. So, I want everyone reading this and maybe even the person this is meant for to bare with me just once more. To really listen and have what I say…
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#Alettertoyou#Blog#blogpost#Chances#Friendship#Love#Men#nosuppressiononlyexpression#Pleaseread#post2#Thoughts#Women#WordPress
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Almost a year and a half later and i still wonder how you are doing and if i randomly pop into your head like you do in mine, i can't forget about you... And i hate us both for it. Just the little memories that pop into my head like how you were obsessed with that certain sweetie, anytime i see them, i still think of you. Almost a year and a half later, I've been in a different relationship, but nothing can compare to you. It really is true, your first love stays with you and you never really forget them. I guess what im trying to say is, Im sorry, for all the bad times and arguments i caused, i would take them back in a heartbeat if it meant spending one last night in your pokey bedroom, with your made to fit single bed🤣. Im sorry. I still care about you... A lot. Anytime anyone at rugby brings you up my heart still skips a beat...It doesn't hurt as much as it used to...but it still stings.
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pieces of you still still fall from my heart like debree falling from a burning building. smacking the ground. like the thud of my heart beat each time I see you. which is pretty rare. I see you and my heart melts right back into my lap. good thing I don’t see you often or there would be none of my heart left. not that I had much of it left anyways. I don’t know why I torture myself with your face
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not thriving, barely surviving
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All the love that I have given in this life belongs to you
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I'm awesome and a lovely person ...so fuck you for trying to have me think I was anything less.
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Day 362
Here’s a letter to you. A letter that you will probably never see but a letter that maybe someday I will show you.
We’ve been friends for 6 years, out of the 6, 2 as lovers and the other 4 as strangers. I have to admit you were the hardest I fell for and the hardest to fall out of. But 4 years later, I stand strong that I rather nothing ever started between us. I still care about you and I still hope for the best for you. But please don’t ever be sad, find yourself someone who cares enough to love you the way you should be. Find yourself ways to love yourself in ways no one else could. Find joy in the things that you love to do, not what the world expects you to love. Accept your flaws and that you will never be as good as the person you wish you were, because you are just you, unique and special. I loved the way you were so why can’t you?
I said it so many times that I am sorry, but we both know one of us had to leave so that we could grow to become better people. I can’t do much for you and truthfully I don’t want to either. Whatever I can do, I will but only on the condition that I don’t have to have any connection with you. I was mad when you told me all those things because it hurt me again. I wanted so much to ask if I could do anything to make it up to you but then I realised that maybe you didn’t really mean those words. I waited 4 years, everyday I thought of you, I thought maybe you did too. To hear those words comforted my heart to know that maybe I wasn’t alone in this, but once again I realised how much it hurt that I had to lower my pride to fulfil what your heart desired. It didn’t hurt because of my pride, it hurt because I gave you a part of me but you were using it for a favor for someone else. Could I have said no? You knew I would never. And I began to wonder, did you already know I would never say no? And that’s when I drew the line, you broke my heart then and you’re still able to break my heart today. I wanted so badly to scream and be mad at you, but I couldn’t and I wouldn’t. The voices in my heart screamed so loudly at me but I knew it must’ve meant a lot for you to ask me. I knew that you had your reason whatever it was. Regardless, this wasn’t the point.
The point of this was to ask you, to find yourself and love the way you are meant to be. It doesn’t matter if the person you love doesn’t love you the way you love them, as long as you’ve gave your best it’s all that matters. It doesn’t matter if people are cold to you or that they don’t reciprocate your kindness, you’re simply just too kind for the world. It doesn’t matter if you feel like you don’t know who you are because you’ve got a whole lifetime to find who you are, I have seen you as you and honestly I wouldn’t have asked for anything to change. Don’t blame yourself for the things that didn’t work out the way you intended for them to. Everything will fall into place someday. It’s okay to be sad but not okay to be so sad that you cry. You deserve the world, people just don’t see it. It’s okay to be mad but never for too long, being mad makes you grow a little older. It’s okay to have your heart broken once in awhile, you’re only human and hearts they’re fragile. It’s okay to give a part of yourself away to someone who you think is worth it, that’s just how it is meant to be. But if it doesn’t work out, know that the next one might be it. Know that it is okay to ask for help even if it means opening your heart, sometimes the most help we need isn’t what we can see but with the things we can’t see. So please go out there and explore the world, you deserve every inch of it because the world is how you see it to be.
I will probably never appear near you again and should I do just know that in my heart I am supporting you and that I am glad to have seen you again. You are definitely one of the hardest lessons I have to learn from but also my favourite. I guess this is probably my closure and I hope it is for you too. I never said a proper goodbye and so I guess this is the goodbye I should have said a long time ago. Will I miss you? Definitely, but I guess I just can’t hold on to you on a thin thread anymore. Friends or not, I guess fate will tell. Until then promise me, you will be happier.
Love,
me
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