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#a lot of stuff going on and ive gotten a lot better but it makes me sad that im not totally okay
faggling · 5 days
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sobbing
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perilegs · 5 months
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every time i try to do something scary on purpose for my social anxiety the universe decides to add in unexpected situations 😔
#i was supposed to go pick up a package and then i was like. ok wait. ive gotten good at buying something while pickiing a package up. what#if i also buy stamps#bc you have to ask the cashier for those (same as with the package)#and it was just at my cornerstore so it's a safe nonscary environment#well. as not-scary as any store can be.#but. there were a lot of ppl there. which! i thought would be fine bc the line was still relatively short but. what happened was that they#opened another register.#and i was queuing for the reguster that had stamps and handles packages#and i would have loved to stay at the queue. but. only one person went to the queue of the new register. so there were 2 ppl in line before#me. one already had their stuff on the conveyor belt and the other was about to put their stuff there too#and the person who went to the other register only had like 2 things to buy. so. it was me. in line behind 2 people. versus an almost#empty register. so. i had to switch to the free register before the cashier had the time to b like 'there's a free register here!'#bc i don't have a script for hearing that and saying 'no' !!!#so i just. switched over and bought my snacks. leaving the store with no package and no stamps.#bc if i hadnt i would have had to say something i dont have a social script for and probably stumbled on my words and gone red and dizzy#which. not ideal.#and this sucks ass bc all i really needed was one (1) success in a social situation#bc this week has been kicking my ass social anxiety wise#usually when i go and get coffee from a coffeeshop they dont ask me shit and just make my order to regular milk which. ok. i dont have an#allergy or anything. i just think plant alternatives taste better in coffee#but this week. i got asked 'do you want that in regular milk?' and i was not expecting that#so i was like 'yes please 😊' and drank my grossly milky coffee dreaming about what i could have had#and that happened TWICE#after the first time i did think about it and decide i could have said 'do you have oat milk or something' and then the barista#could have either said yes or no and both of those would b easy to answer#but instead of asking if they have oat milk i just said yes. again.#can you guys imagine some people speak without being scared#some people even go to the store without feeling even an ounce of fear. imagine#leevi talks
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zozoubbb · 6 months
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for all the mentally unstable, mentally ill and who have mental disorders people out there, you deserve to love and to be loved, you deserve to create life if you want to, and most importantly you deserve to live and to enjoy life. im mentally unstable and i have worth, and i deserve the good things that happen to me. im mentally unstable and sometimes im shitty to other people, im not proud of it and it doesnt mean im a mean or evil person. im mentally unstable and deserve to be a kid, a daughter, a sibling, a lover a parent. wont tell you its gonna be everything fine, but i can assure you it gets better, i dont know when but it does. sometimes it feels like your mind is in some form of war, but remember that it surely is a war that is worth fighting for on YOUR side, YOU are worthy.
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coloursofaparadox · 6 months
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hnnnnnnnnnnnmmnn its overshare on the internet o clock
#my shitty ex has sent me a text asking to meet up and talk#and in a predictable move the text itself doesnt actually apologize or acknowledge that she did anything fucked up#it instead says 'we both did some pretty messed up stuff' which. uh. yeah. cool. thanks.#thats like prefacing an apology with 'first of all i still blame you but i guess i couuuldve had something to do with it'#and like. sheesh. my first instinct is to politely say absolutely not jesus christ how do you have the gall to ask me that#i could go my entire life without interacting with you ever again and i would be nothing but better off for it#but. i have not sent that yet. and it has been a while. because i really miss the friend group she....not stole exactly but#because i do not want to be in the same space as her i just. dont get to be around them much any more.#and fuck. i miss my dog so so much. i love lucas too but sarah was the first dog i raised from a baby#and she was just one of those animals that are just. like you love them all but some are different in a way where they're a part of you.#and sarah was mine and she took her from me and ive just barely gotten over it#i dont know if being able to see her again would make it worse or better.#but instinct is telling me to tell her that no theres no chance of us being friends. i need to protect myself and value my own wellbeing.#and that its not that i hate her because i dont but i do intensely dislike the ugly person i realized shes become#and i refuse to continue to let myself be hurt by that without speaking up.#but i still!!! havent!!! said no!!!!!#if i could manage it. and get through a talk with her. and be very clear that im here to attempty just...neutrality and a lack of hostility#and that friendship is not on the table. prep myself on my boundaries and rules for what i will not put up with#and accept that if she does something shitty in response to me keeping myself safe then i have to be prepared to call it off immediately#then. i would see my friends again a lot more often than just one on one every couple months because every group thing involves her#fuck. i dont know. i really really dont want to talk to her ever again but god fucking dammit.#im prepared to move on and rebuild my life and invest in other relationships. i am. ive done it before and slowly built from the ground up.#i can do it again. but it fucking sucks when its most of my irl friends all at once.#idk. idk. i miss my dog so much it hurts but it would be much worse to see her now after how my ex treats her when im not there to stop it#its just something i cant let myself think about or ill just spiral and i cant do that. theres nothing i can do about it. i cant stop it.#fuck.
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zeawesomebirdie · 11 months
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An update re: earlier posts: at the advisement of my therapist, I've called the ballet company I went to as a kid to see if they offer adult classes over the summer term, and if they don't, if they offer individual classes
And now we wait for a call back :)
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semercury · 1 year
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I think a lot of it too is the fact I understand how fragile everything is and I'm willing to do anything to protect things even if it's irrational.
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ilostyou · 1 year
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lallaaalalala just some things on my mind
#this has been a rant#<- in advance. im going off in the tags. xo#getting close to making a decision abt doctoral programs is STRESSING ME OUT even tho i think ik which i'll choose#one ik will be a good school environment and will be manageable but the other has much. better training and will prep me for#literally anything i could want to do with a whole ass doctorate afterwards when im licensed#next thing. i fucking hate that i have no clue what i look like objectively lmfao. losing weight is great and all (healthy) but#it's fucking with my idea of myself even more than it ever was bc. now it's a 'bad' thing that some things look big on me#(bc THEY FUCKING ARE lol) like today i ended up buying some clothes and yay great but like. my mom was like#yeah so you can wear these instead of what. ur wearing now bc that's gotten big on you etc#and im just ksjghdf it's just a little baggy and also i like it?? but ok whatevesjkdkfdhkh i like the. new ones too im juyst. ??#just in general there's always gonna be Something yknow? annoying. anyway#next thing is that im away w family rn and lovemy fam love spending time with them but it;'s been TWO DAYS and im already#losing......so much patience with some people like. my younger cousins. im. GRR.and i love having some other people around#but we're meeting up w the rest of our group tom and we'll basically be DOUBLE in size for the next week plus and im so#nervous that i'm already at my last nerve with everyone adn that i'll be too overwhelmed/tired/etc that i won't enjoy the rest of the trip#next thing is that it's WILD graduation is literally in six weeks but so mmuch has to happen before then it's making me dizzy#other side note thing im beyond excited to see taylor and have weird anxiety about it but meh. im fucking PUMPED#another thing. it's someones bday tomorrow who ive had a Rough year with (ive mentioned stuff abt them before) and it's just. weird feeling#i dont rem if they even texted me for my bday now im curious im gonna go look lmfao but. obv i'll text them anyway#it's just ... lots of weird feeling thinking abt how much has changed in a year with them. shrug#ok maybe that's it woo
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orcelito · 1 year
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:/
#speculation nation#the writer can see ur bookmarks u kno#who starts an almost 500k fic only to complain about the timeframe being too long#like look. i know ive taken too long on the past 10 chapters. im getting there.#ugh.#doesnt make me feel better about the newest chapter im working on bc it's the observance of a date that acts as the final look back#b4 really moving forward with things#'probably going to abandon but the first 30 chapters are worth the reread' well my dude ur gonna miss out on aaaall the fun i have planned#ive been trying to like. make it clear that im revving the engine so to speak. things r gonna start picking up again soon#but apparently not soon enough.#genuinely tho. it's nearly 500k words. what the fuck do you think that's spent on? continuous action?#no it's that long bc i love to do Reflection. character analysis. reactions.#and theres a lot of stuff that's gone into smashing all their relationships together and sorting out the pieces#i guess if ppl dont like character analysis & reflection theyre not gonna like my fic. especially not the more recent stuff.#but it's not like Nothing is happening. ive still tried to make things read well as i sort things out#feels ungrateful. like i dont have to be posting this ya kno lmao#if u dont like what im doing then fine. but you dont have to mention it where i'll see it and feel shitty about it.#i tried to be like 'it's a valid point and i guess it makes sense to want to include that in a rec'#but no this isnt a rec. it's a public bookmark. which i look to as a form of secondary comments when i havent gotten any in a while#and i was real excited to see one with a note. only to read a fucking. mixed compliment i guess.#genuinely tho im one chapter away from genuinely moving on with things.#if ppl cant deal with me having more of a character and relationship perspective (in the character and relationship perspective fic)#then theyre not gonna see all the fun and evil plans i have later on. soooo sorry.#god i try to not worry about what others think and just try to write what i wanna write. but im only human.#i want ppl to like what i write. why else am i posting it on the internet?#but it's 7 am after a very exhausting day & right before another very exhausting say#day*#and i just feel so undervalued.#waa waa waa sound of a fucking baby (me). whatever. i'll get over it i guess. just feels shitty.
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tkbrokkoli · 3 months
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wanted to write smth abt top surgery ⬇️
#not fandom related#personal log stardate#trans stuff#ok so ive been wanting top surgery longer than ive wanted to go on T. my chest makes me the most dysphoric and if it wasnt so hard to acces#top surgery i wouldve gotten it long ago lol#so the hardest for me is the many steps that are involved. finding and contacting a surgeon. getting there for a 1st appointment#for the sugery for getting the stitches out. getting Surgery in general and its risks. staying at a hospital which is not my#Routine environment. possible pain itching restriction in movement complications. the results might no be as expected#just a lot of steps involved that require me to step out of my comfort zone and stay out of it for a longer time as well.#but what are a few weeks of discomfort compared to a chesticle free rest of my life right. so i def Want it#but. there are like 3 decent top surgeons that have a lot of experience in my country that i know of. id have to travel at least 4 hrs#or longer and ive never driven my car for that long and im too scared to take the train/bus by myself and i dont think i could make myself#do it. like. if it didnt involve all that other scary stuff i might manage to try taking a train by myself. but just the train. nothing els#i just cant tackle several things that are difficult and uncomfortable at the same time.#ive read that a few ppl have gotten top surgery in the city i live#ive taken the bus and tram here. no problem. this would be perfect#only problem is there are almost no reviews on those surgeons. there seem to be at least 2 thatve done top surgery. idk who the 'main'#surgeon is. ive seen like 4 result pictures that ppl have posted. ive talked to 1 person whose currently 3 mo post-op but said they#might get a revision done if the results wont look better in a few months. the surgeons themselves dont mention top surgery on their websit#one mentions doing surgery for gynecomastia so this is probably the one ill contact first#basically there is barely any information available. if it comes down the surgeons might not even have done many top surgeries#so my results might not look good. i dont necessarily need it to be perfect. i just want my chest flat. i dont plan on being shirtless#except for doctors appointments and sex if ill ever have any. its unlikely ill go swimming in public and there i would probably wear a#rash guard anyway to protect myself from the uv rays. so my priority is a chest that looks flat underneath clothes. and if it looks like#shit i can get a revision if i want to . i think im gonna contact the surgeons here and prepare a list of questions for the appointment#i feel like i can take these steps. but i cant take them w the far-away surgeons. im gonna talk to my therapist abt this as well. maybe the#have some information on the surgeons here. i also contacted the local queer organization but i havent heard back yet :/
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kn11ves · 8 months
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something about me is that everybody fucking loves my soup
#the best food complement ive ever gotten is my friend megan apperently getting seconds & thirds of soup i made#that had NEVER happened to me before & on top of it she said it was the best soup she's ever had...girl j could have diiiiied#it makes me happy to be able to cook for myself and my roomate bestie#its been hard since i have to cook everything with an airfryer or microwave or my rice cooker which also makes stews#i dont have a stove and i dont have money for that and its a lot to hide already#and i cant buy a lot of premade stuff (like tortillas) bc its Too Much and it goes bad quickly#and i throw away a lot#so its genuinely easier for me to just. do things like make tortillas from scratch#they havent been the best bc again no stove but ive figured out a decent method and my masa is pretty good#finding lard has definitely helped a lot in getting the right texture so im happy about that. lard is my favourite guy#i absolutey detest that its called lard though in spanish its called manteca which still gives me a ''this word is greasy'' feeling (which#shouldnt be surprising. pork fat will surely be greasy) but lard feels. FISGUSTING i dont know😭#anyways its been nice figuring how to do stuff from scratch tho#we have a pantry close by within walking distance so im happy ill be able to save money that way its notbeen going the best and ive been#kind of only eating once a day to save on food#but its okay itll get better and ill have more money soon n things will b ok bc i figure it out#i clicked out of the tags and i . i was. this was orignally about soup jesus christ how dod i get from soup to im fucking poor😭 Okay. Well
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My Redneck Neighbor Doug has watched The Bad Batch Season 3 opener:
LEEEEET'S GET READY TO RUMBLE!
This is more pithy than normal: Doug's been busy with work, as have I. But I'm determined to hear his thoughts on The Daddy Warcrimes 'n Company so here we go!
These were all via text messages, btw.
CW: Doug Doug's as you know Doug will do. Away!
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Episode 1: 'Little Orphan Blondie's Shit Internship at The Museum of Science and Industry'
Poor Little Orphan Blondie, stuck in The Museum of Science and Industry in a shit summer job because they got bills to pay. Except they got rid of the dinosaurs and walk in heart and filled it with gross shit.
Hey look, they still got the coal mine exhibit! Man I miss Chicago.
(Doug, that museum has never had dinosaurs. “What, since when?”)
MUTANT JIMMERS EVERYWHERE! Aw, Little Orphan Blondie gave one her chicken nuggets! And it’s shy, aw, I hope it’s okay.
Poor Mutant Jimmers…she named her?! Swear to Christ Almighty if that dog gets Old Yeller’d I’ll just lose it. 
That freaky alien thing that ran the mall on the ocean looks sad, I bet she wishes she fell into the water and got eaten by a shark or something. I wish you did too, lady. 
The Sons of Robocop really are everywhere, they must be a cult or something. They look cool, I’d join, why not. Think they get 401ks?
Oh man, Daddy Warcrimes is down bad. Poor Daddy Warcrimes. Man, all my clone boys are stooped and sad…this ain’t good. 
At least Little Orphan Blondie can craft! Man, she should start selling those at the Museum of Science and Industry’s gift shop. Maybe Tarkin can bring one back for the grandchildren he’s not allowed to talk to since the restraining order was put in.
Oh, there’s Stepsister Beth, she seems on edge. Must’ve gotten divorced recently, don’t blame her ex, I bet she screamed at him for leaving cabinets open who knows. How do her eyeballs not hurt after wearing those dumb glasses all day?
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Episode 2: 'Night Elves and Neverland Ranch'
The night elves from Warcraft invaded Star Wars and got horns or something and now they have a castle that looks like a boss level in Diablo IV or V or how many Diablo games they got now.
Now they yelling at people and throwing them in the basement today. Makes sense, gotta fight the orcs and stuff. Think they fight the orcs in the basement?
The Night Elf Horned Queen hired Daddy Rambo and Julio to get people, I guess they’re turning into Boba Fett or something. They got her son's horn back, guess that's good. Oh they need new paint jobs on their armor.
Do they end up in the basement in the Diablo Boss Level? No? And off they go! 
Daddy Rambo and Julio are in their homeland of FLORIDA! Hell yeah, SPACE FLORIDA! And they’re bringing the talking trashcan with them using straps! Go Julio go!  Yeah, boa vines, this is TOTALLY the Everglades! 
Escaped clone boys! Oh man! Shit, is Neverland Ranch in the jungle? Oh man–oh, they know what they’re doing. Good kids. Real good kids. Oh what happened to the rest of them? Oh Meat Muffin, this ain't good :(.
You know what? Them clone boys are smart, take it back, this ain’t Space Florida, this is Space Louisiana! Them baby boys gone get feral and run off into the bayou and live in the caves and now you know my origin story, Meat Muffin! 
If this was Florida they'd just end up working the late shift at Zaxby's and smoking rocks in the parking lot. We know better, we French and all.
I bet they’ve been living on nutria and half-empty chicken boxes from behind the gas stations. Resourceful scrappy kids and I can tell its making Daddy Rambo proud.
Oh holy SHIT, there go them vines! It's like the kudzu all over again, maybe this is LaFourche Parish?
See, them boys are definitely white trash, Mandalorian rednecks. Look at em, living in the woods and hijacking a plane, but they good kids, saving their brothers. Even saved the robot too. 
Man, all the feels, them poor little boys. What will they do now?  Oh, they're going to Space Daytona! Good, wait, I saw the trailer, doesn't the Empire invade it? THIS AIN'T GOOD MEAT MUFFIN!!!
Wait...where's Toaster Strudel and Rex?
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Episode 3: 'Blondie Got a Gun'
Well here's the Emperor. He wants to be immortal. Gotta make that other movie make sense or something.
Where's Darth Vader? Is he running the government when the Emperor is running around giggling?
Don’t you DARE kill Mutant Jimmers, you damn droid. I hate that ugly assed stupid thing. It looks like its scarecrow daddy fucked a microwave and then left it enough money to go to Planned Parenthood but instead spent it on crack and there ya go.  
Oh shut your goddamned yap, Jimmy the Scientist. I bet he gloves that hand up because he keeps shoving it up his own ass and that's why he walks funny all the damn time.
The Emperor also has a Diablo IV or VIII boss level all to himself too at the Museum of Science and Industry. How many Diablo games are there, Meat Muffin?
YEAH, LITTLE ORPHAN BLONDIE! GIT ER DONE!!! They're out! Oh wow! There she goes with Daddy Warcrimes! Kill em all and let GOD SORT THEM OUT! That's my GIRL!!!!
Blondie’s got a gun 
Blondie’s got a gun
Her whole world's come undone
Shooting droids is FUN!
GO MUTANT JIMMERS GO!!!! 
YEAH BLONDIE DADDY WARCRIMES AND MUTANT JIMMERS!!!!!!
I AIN'T A BULLS FAN BUT REPEAT THE THREE PEAT! YEAH!!!!!!
....so when we gonna get Toaster Strudel and Rex? Next one? Where's my reg boys?!
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Tagging those who missed my Cajun neighbor. LOOKS LIKE REDNECK DOUG IS BACK ON THE MENU, BOYS!
@skellymom @amalthiaph @eyecandyeoz @cdblake1565 @sued134 @merkitty49 @supremechancellorrex @yeehawgeek @wrenkenstein @techs-stitches @deezlees @autistic-artistech @perfectlywingedcrusade @auntie-venom @megmca @thecoffeelorian
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yeehawpim · 7 months
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What's your process in making comics
And how do you make something so good with such a simple art style!? 🥺
(if this has been asked before could you send a link to the post?)
Alright so ive been sitting on this ask b/c I already know it's a long answer aflskdjf
Write dialogue/text down in my notes app Sometimes it's just me sitting there like hghghg as music plays and I stare at my phone for 10min. Usually it's 12am thinking about stuff while I'm in bed and I type some piece of dialogue down real quick. I'm nowhere near as comprehensive as comic script I've seen online that they give examples for, like there's no direction on what's happening in panels or anyth because it's just for myself and I just sort of remember composition ideas if I have them on the spot
Literally start drawing 😂 As previously said I sometimes go into comics with comp ideas already, like for this one I knew I was going to divide the page going in. Or like I know this is gonna be 4 panels and pretty static. Other stuff I fully wing it sentence to sentence because I can't bother with thumbnailing 😅 sometimes this bites me on the ass because I spend forever drawing smth I have to toss, but I've gotten better at doing stuff fast
I use photoshop, so for vertical comics I've been following this tutorial for years
Vertical comics are a lot easier to structure composition-wise for me, I started out making those because it was less intimidating
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The red arrow is your eye direction as you read it. For me it's always the bottom of a page is one less boundary to worry about. You can be less precise if the reader is automatically drawn to looking down b/c they're scrolling and never sees a full page laid out. 😂 Also if I want to pace something slower/further down I don't have to worry about having to cram it in y'know?
This might be a weirdly specific thing to mention but I'm always thinking about it when I make comics because...
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lol I gotta make up for being too lazy to spend more than 30 seconds drawing a character
jkjk but yeah my interests are more in slapping the story in my head on the page. I like doing compositions and writing stuff that interests me. I get tired when I spend too much time fiddling with stuff, so if I can get smth across with a rough estimation I'm happy. This does limit the type of stories that can be told cuz certain more rendered styles just work better when you're trying to convey certain things but! there's lots of things you can do drawing simply too!
there's defs more stuff out there that doesn't follow what I'm doing, lots of different styles. Eg American superhero comics are super text-heavy and boggle my mind. This is just what I like to do cuz I like reading way too much manga/webtoons lol
you don't have to be super technical to make comics! go out there and make one if you've got an idea!
if you want to of course haha
hope this explains my process a little (thank you for the compliment it means a lot 🤠🙏)
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atthebell · 16 days
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do you have any recommendations/resources to learn spanish?? i've been using busuu for about 104 days now, imo opinion it's actually pretty fun and i like it but i think my main problem with it is that it goes too fast?? it's hard to explain. it's also started to feel kinda repetitive to me. i still love busuu and i'm going to continue with my course, but it'd be nice to also have something else. like, preferably not an app, maybe a textbook or a website or something :D i don't really WHERE to find resources for language learning, despite being bilingual, i never really had to look on the internet to learn the languages i speak now, i picked it up from the people around me you know?
i've also been ''using'' duolingo but tbh, i really hate it. it feels boring to me, everyday it's ''ok what sentence am i going to be forced to write for the 40th time today?'' the single 'square' has 5 lessons and a 'unit' has around 10-8 of those squares and to finish a 'unit' you have to do about 50-45 of those lessons, which is shit because a 'unit' is only going to teach about 3 sentence structures and if you're lucky maybe 5. it's so shit, those greedy fuckers basically made it unusable. i've been using for about 140 days now, every single day i take at least one lesson, and it STILL has not taught me a SINGLE spanish tense. btw, i even had an entire phase where i would finish UNITS in about an hour and a half (1 min or less for every lesson) and still not a single ''pretérito Indefinido'' actual pain 🫠🫠 one day ll delete that app, one day (i guess that's why i like busuu in the first place, it actually teaches you these tenses and even some slang while duolingo makes you write ''papá, quiero visitar a nuestra abuela'' for the 700th time this week)
i want to watch vods and stuff, but tbh, i feel way too embarrassed? like, i don't know enough spanish to really understand them and even when they say basic sentences that i understand, i still have to listen to it multiple times and slow down the clip for me to really get it. the thing with spanish is that i'll understand the meaning of the words being said but i need to take a second or so to really comprehend what they mean together you know? i don't want to have to watch the stream slowed down because that would definitely make me feel stupid 😭 maybe when i have better spanish i'll start watching vods. although i do listen to spanish songs sometimes, it's fun :D
first thing: you don't have to feel embarrassed about needing time to process things/needing to listen to things slowed down. language learning is difficult and there are a lot of obstacles for many people; this is something i do understand and want to stress that i get that it's hard. you are not a bad person or an idiot or whatever for having a hard time understanding things-- you are still learning, and besides that, sometimes hearing things isn't someone's strong suit (it absolutely did not use to be mine, but i've practiced a lot and gotten much better at it. i'm still much much better at reading text in other languages, but it is something you can always improve on). if you need to take extra time to watch things, that is not a personal fault of yours nor does it make you stupid. everyone has different skill sets, and you can always practice to get better.
second thing: my own criticisms of both busuu and duolingo, along with their strengths. duolingo first, because i've used it since like. idk like 2016? not consistently but i've used it far more over the years and i'm very familiar with various changes they've made and the esp, ptbr, and french courses. busuu ive only been using for a few months
to get it out of the way, the recent change to laying off translators and using more AI in lessons. this sucks, obviously, for a myriad of reasons. machine translation cannot match with human translation, and frankly never will be able to. there are vast amounts of nuance and cultural context necessary for translation, along with the fact that an AI led course does not actually hit on all the things someone needs, particularly on a basics/foundational level. and from an ethical standpoint, laying off a ton of human translators because you think you can replace them with inaccurate machine translation sucks and is why so many people have dropped duolingo, myself included.
duolingo also has limitations in terms of format-- it gamifies language learning, which can make it feel more accessible to people and makes people want to open it and practice every day. however, most people use duolingo to do one lesson once a day and that's it. they're not getting in practice from lessons previously completed, they're not drilling vocab or conjugations, they're not actually maintaining or even remembering what they've already learned. obviously there are people (like myself, when i still used the app) who practice far more than that and continue to drill previous lessons, but that's not the majority, and it's not incentivized by the app. the paywalling of completing certain lessons and being able to drill error words also sucks for this reason. basically duolingo is not an ideal setup for actually maintaining knowledge once you go through it the first time and also the way the courses are laid out just. does not, imo, actually make sense. they rarely actually explain what they're trying to teach you and they don't get into enough detail on most concepts. and there is no incentive to review, which is hugely important. not an ideal situation for language learning, especially on its own.
my pros for duolingo: it gets you to practice daily. this is honestly what i use busuu for at this point-- when i get a notif for it, i open it up and flick through a lesson, but i also pull out a textbook or two to look at things there and practice stuff. if whipping out duolingo every day helps you practice a language, that is, at bare minimum, something. preferably you should be studying for at least 15min if not up to an hour or more of a language a day in order to really pick things up and maintain them; you can absolutely use duolingo or busuu for that (busuu i think is far less well formatted and oftentimes the lessons are very specific vocab, at least in the later courses).
for busuu, my issues are like. it's a poorly made imitation of duolingo, aside from a few things. the community aspect is something i REALLY like-- being able to send an exercise to a native speaker and get feedback on what to work on is great, especially with how it's a short answer question that lets you form your own sentences and try out vocab in context. that's a wonderful feature, and i really think it gets at something duolingo is completely missing.
but yeah like i said in terms of the lessons, busuu has very strange ways of teaching things. firstly, it's usually super specific topics and vocab that aren't paired with anything conceptually that helps you progress. usually in a language course, it's best to pair a concept you're working on with either relevant vocab or something that can be used to talk about similar subjects/in similar ways (for instance, subjunctive with food/restaurant vocab, so that you can build sentences both with the new vocab and using the new verbal form in ways that make sense, i.e. "I'll have whatever she's having, If I were to order the pasta, I would get a salad too," "If I were richer, I would always order filet mignon" (side note subjunctive is very difficult for eng speakers so idk if these examples actually make sense 😭))
also busuu will repeatedly teach me something phrased one way or with a certain word and then mark me wrong and insist i use a completely different word/phrase. i cannot figure out why it keeps doing this it's very frustrating. and it has recently been teaching me some european portuguese which is not what the course is supposed to be so i'm just baffled by what's going on there.
another positive for busuu, at least in contrast to duolingo, is it teaches you the vocab and phrases before quizzing you on them, which duolingo does not do. this is like a positive and also an "eh, idk" because i get why duolingo does that-- it's trying to throw you into using surrounding context to figure out what a word means, and that's a very good way to practice, but i think it doesn't necessarily achieve it well and sometimes will just spring random words on you without enough context for you to know what it's referring to without just clicking on the word anyway.
also neither app are good at teaching you verb conjugation or tenses which is really unfortunate for spanish and portuguese in particular, as they're both languages where verbs are really really key AND where understanding tenses and their names are important, particularly for native eng speakers who never got taught tense names or like. any terminology for languages in english 🙃
also here is a thing i wrote up complaining about duolingo & verbs ages ago: Duolingo does not teach you things explicitly. It expects you to pick them up in a semi-immersive style, which works okay most of the time for most people but for many people makes actually learning and understanding parts of a language very difficult. For instance, it won't teach you the exact difference in usage between ser and estar, in Spanish or Portuguese. This difference is something I spent weeks on in Spanish class in high school and continued to review the rest of my time learning Spanish in an academic setting-- it is a key element of two of the most important words in the language. Duolingo also doesn't explain stem changes or irregular verbs and their typical endings-- it simply expects you to pick these up and memorize them through sentence usage. Basically it's very obvious Duolingo was created by english speakers who were never taught key elements of their own language (this is not a dig on their personal fault; i was also never taught any of this shit about english) and don't know how to go about teaching a language, and the limited format doesn't help.
third thing, finally getting to what you actually asked: there are a lot of resources for learning spanish online! i'm not as familiar with them as i'd like, as i learned spanish in an academic setting, but i'll do my best to list some things out and anyone else can feel free to add on. i've been meaning to make a language learning advice post for literally ages and i guess this is going to become it lmao.
here is a video explaining how to make duolingo work for you along with other resources: A Linguist explains how to make duolingo actually work (tl;dr pair duolingo with conversation partners, textbook work, listening to music, watching movies, etc. etc.)
i've tagged this with my language learning tag, which has a bunch of resources including some specifically for learning spanish.
tumblr user salvador bonaparte has a drive of free textbooks you can check out here, including a ton of spanish resources. i also recommend looking around the internet/specifically linguistics tumblr to find more resources as well as looking at used bookstores/amazon/etc. for spanish textbooks to use, as that will provide a more thorough foundation along with other programs/types of learning.
i've never used babbel or any other online program like it, but spanish tends to be one of the more resource-heavy languages because it's so widely spoken, so typically spanish programs on various apps/sites are REALLY thorough (duolingo's spanish program is by far their best course, with a ton more resources than most other programs. you can go up to the equivalent of at least c2 on there i believe, versus many other languages where they don't even list the CEFR levels)
finally, the not-so-online answer: if you're in college/have a nearby community/junior college, consider taking spanish classes there! this option probably costs the most out of any others, but i genuinely think an academic setting is the a great way to learn a language for many people. if you're not one of them, that is totally fine, but an actual spanish course at a college is likely to be the most thorough way to learn the language. also many CCs/JCs offer spanish classes online, so if you can't drive or for whatever reason can't go to in-person courses, you'll likely still have options.
this is everything i can think of right now but i also want to add once again that learning a language is difficult!!! i know that, and i know that i complain a lot about monolinguals, but i am specifically complaining about people who refuse to engage respectfully with languages that are not their own and dismiss anything they don't understand as being stupid/not worth their time/culturally worthless. i am not complaining about people like you, who are trying really hard to engage with non-english content AND are trying really hard to learn another language.
i also think learning languages is one of the most incredible experiences there are and that expanding the kinds of cultural and social boundaries that you engage with is a really important facet of humanity that i wish more people would participate in. i get riled up because this is something i'm really truly passionate about, not because i think anyone is stupid or whatever for not learning. i want people to just try it and give it a chance, even if it's hard for them, and i'm glad that you are trying, anon. <333
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heliads · 2 years
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hey babes!!! Ive been LOOVING your minho fics a lot since im back in my tmr phase 😘 if you still write for maze runner, could you do a minho x f!reader where theyre both runners and they have this kind of unspoken rivalry between each other and one day they arrive late to the maze’s gates, and theyre about to close when the reader manages to push minho to the gates so that he escapes but the reader doesnt?? and like the next day he sees the reader run to the gates when they open and he like finally admits his feelings for them? im so sorry if this was too specific!! 😘😘😘😘
anon i love this. anything for minho
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Minho is causing problems. Again.
It’s not even that bad this time. He’s bored, that’s what this really boils down to, he’s bored as hell and there’s nothing left to do in this place until sunrise tomorrow. He likes being a Runner, he’s not sure what he could possibly do that would feel half as right as this, but once he comes out of the Maze for the afternoon, he’s left with nothing to do at all.
Technically, that isn’t true. He could definitely go help one of his friends with their daily chores, but let’s be real, that was never an option. When you chip in one too many times, people start expecting that you’ll be there every time, and Minho doesn’t want to have another reason to let the Gladers down, so he stays by himself.
Right now, he’s by himself in the Map Room, the product of finishing the day’s run early yet again. Minho has already recorded all the twists and turns of today’s venture through the Maze, and his partner, Ben, is long gone. 
The guy probably found an empty corner of the Glade and disappeared for a nap, where he can emerge hours later, shaking his head like he’s forgotten where he is. Minho is deeply envious of his friend’s ability to sleep so easily. There are few things he wouldn’t do for a good night’s rest for once.
Ben’s absence also means that Minho is completely unsupervised, which should be a red flag to anyone else. Luckily, no one has noticed yet, which means that Minho has time to set up the perfect prank. It’s fantastic, and no one will have any idea it was him. 
A voice from behind Minho makes him startle. Looks like he isn’t the criminal mastermind he thought he was.
“What the bloody hell are you doing?”
Minho turns around slowly to face Newt, another one of his good friends. The blond second in command has his arms folded across his chest, the picture of weary disappointment.
Minho grins as innocently as he can. “What? Nothing. Just another day in the Map Room, you know. As a Runner, I can do whatever I want in here, and–”
Newt cuts him off irritably. “You mean that you’re not trying to hide all the writing supplies so Y/N can’t find them?”
Minho glances conspicuously at the door to the Map Room supply closet, which refuses to close. That might be because he’s stuffed every box he can find in there, but who knows, really?
“Oh, this? That’s just, uh, some spring cleaning. It gets really dusty in here, have you ever noticed that?”
Newt rolls his eyes. “Can I ask what Y/N’s done to deserve this, at least?”
Minho chuckles. “Nothing in particular, but you know that. Listen, this is going to be fantastic. The second she opens the door tomorrow afternoon, every box on this side of the Glade is going to come sliding out like a supply avalanche. It’ll be hilarious.”
Newt groans. “You do realize that being Keeper of the Runners means that you’re actually supposed to be responsible, right? Not doing whatever this is?”
Newt gestures vaguely at the pile of stuff behind Minho. He’s not wrong, obviously, Minho knows that he’s just being a slinthead, but at least doing ‘whatever this is’ keeps him distracted. 
Already, though, the thrill of doing something wrong is wearing away, leaving him twitchy and prickly with guilt. His stomach feels hot, like he’s some kid who’s gotten caught trying to skip school. If he knew what school was like, that is. Regardless, it’s probably better than here.
Minho sighs, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. “You can skip the lecture, I already know it’s dumb. Just need to do something, I guess. At least this’ll make someone laugh.”
Newt arches a brow, although he’s starting to smile. “Yeah, you and me. Not Y/N so much, though. Really, why is it that you two are at each other’s throats all the time? I would have thought that you’d get along.”
Minho steps away from the supply closet at last, leaning up against a nearby wall. “We do most of the time, it’s just more fun to squabble. We try to see who finishes their daily run faster, who’s more accurate, that sort of thing. Fills the time, I guess.”
Newt shrugs. “Whatever keeps you two on track. Just make sure that your cascade of boxes doesn’t mess up any of the maps, or you’ll have to do some spring cleaning there, too.”
Minho shudders. “Trust me, I didn’t touch the maps. I’m not completely out of my mind.”
Newt smirks. “Only a little bit, then?”
Minho chuckles at last. “Only a little bit.”
He leaves the Map Room soon after that, Newt having done his job of convincing Minho not to start anything else. The rest of the day passes in a blur, as it always does; the Gladers stick with their respective jobs, the sun is hot, the night is cool. The Doors slide shut and everyone pretends it isn’t completely terrifying to be stuck in here week after week. The last Greenie day was far enough away that the newest arrival has stopped crying at last. It’s frustratingly repetitive, but at least they aren’t dead. That’s all Minho has going for him at the moment.
Minho rises at dawn like usual, but this time Newt does too. Minho shoots his friend a questioning glance, especially when the second in command gestures for Y/N and Minho to follow him a few paces away.
Newt speaks at first, voice low to make sure he doesn’t wake up the rest of the Gladers. “I need you two to run together today. The next section we need keeps getting switched up by other Runners, and you two are the best we’ve got. Alby figures that if both of you run together, you’re less likely to mess up.”
Minho shoots a suspicious glance at Y/N, but she seems fine with it, so he nods. “Sounds good to me.”
Y/N lifts a shoulder. “We’ll see you this afternoon. If we get everything right, can we get a day off?”
Newt laughs. “Not a chance. Get running, you useless shanks.”
Minho grins and heads towards the Doors, Y/N at his side. She looks at him just before they enter the Maze, expression somewhat bemused.
“I don’t think I’ve actually run with you in forever. Scared you won’t be able to keep up?” She says, grinning so brightly Minho thinks she might be able to outshine the sun.
If Minho had any misgivings about why today’s section is so difficult to run that he’d need to go with Y/N, they’re banished by the sound of his own surprised laugh.
“Not a chance. I’d be worried about you, though. I’m rumored to be the fastest guy around.”
Y/N laughs too, and they take off into the twisting stone corridors. As they pass tangles of ivy and progress further into the Maze, Minho finds himself secretly grateful that he’s here with Y/N. At least now he can deflect his own paranoia by making jokes, although he’d never admit that to her face.
Truth be told, the longer the day wears on, the more thankful he is for Y/N’s presence. Their ever present rivalry lets him hide behind a familiar shield of sharp tongues and false criticisms, their painted veneers thick as ever. He’s never said a word that wasn’t a lie. He’s never been more true in his life, but man, who even knows that when you’ve been forced to forget all but the last year?
Even beyond his favored coping mechanism, Minho still feels himself getting nervous when they reach their halfway point far past noon. They should have had their lunch break here about an hour earlier, they should have turned back by now. It’s not that the road is difficult, it’s that it’s impossible. The creators of this godless Maze have a new hitter with this section, it’s somehow different from every other segment Minho has run.
He’s used to thinking that he owns the place like he runs it, that he could find his way inside and out, blindfolded, in the dead of night. Today is making Minho doubt himself like he never has before. When at last they reach the turning back point, Y/N and Minho lock eyes and decide not to eat their lunch. There’s no time for a break, not when they’re so late already. He pushes aside the dull ache in his stomach and keeps going.
It’s harder and harder to keep his spirits up. Even though he’s already been down most of the section this morning, it’s no easier to find his way back. His already existing stress just builds and builds until Minho second guesses himself at every turn. Y/N’s no better, he can tell that, but at least the two of them are halfway decent at doing this together. They can keep each other in check long enough to make it out, Minho is certain of it. Or, he’d like to be certain of it. He’s not sure what he believes in anymore, nothing really matters in this face of the Maze.
Truth be told, he’s getting really worried. The sky is darkening at a far too rapid rate, and although Minho would like nothing more than to thrust his hands up and beg the time to stop long enough for them to just get out, it’s far too late in the afternoon. They should have been out of the Maze for at least half an hour by now, yet they’re still running. It’s not good, to say the least.
At last, they make the final turn and spot the Doors up ahead. Minho glances towards Y/N, sparing enough time to flash her a quick grin before picking up his pace even despite his screaming lungs and legs. They’ve barely turned the corner, though, when the ground starts shaking beneath his feet.
It takes Minho a couple of moments to realize what’s going on, why it sounds like thunder even without a drop of rain. He should know this sound from hearing it twice per day, yet for some reason being on this side of the Maze when the Doors start to close makes it completely, utterly foreign.
That’s what’s happening, after all, the Doors are closing and Minho is about to be locked out. His breath surges in his chest, absolutely terrified. He can’t be dying now, not after everything. He sprints with everything he has, Y/N right beside him. They have to get out, but they can’t. They’re too far away.
Still, he tries. They both do. The gap is already shrinking, just out of reach. Minho’s steps start to slow for just a second as he realizes that this is impossible, that there’s no way he can actually make it in time. Just before the Doors shut fully, though, something slams into him from behind and he’s pushed through.
A half second later, Minho is standing on the other side of the Doors. He doesn’t know how it happened until he turns back and sees Y/N still in the Maze, and then he knows. She must have shoved him through just in time, but she won’t make it now. Minho has just enough time to lock eyes with her before the Doors slam together, and then she’s gone, gone forever.
Minho stalks towards the Doors as if expecting them to open again, but there’s nothing, no movement from the solid stone. He raises a hand to them tentatively, then slams his fist into the Doors, again and again until it comes back bloody. There’s a hand on his arm, Newt maybe, trying to guide him away, but Minho shakes him loose as if the boy were a fly. 
Minho shouts until his voice is hoarse, begging for any sign that Y/N is somewhere on the other side, but his screams go unanswered. At last, he’s exhausted, and barely manages to drag himself to the Map Room. He has to get this down so Y/N’s sacrifice won’t be in vain.
He walks into the Map Room and stares at the model in the middle of the room, scarcely able to concentrate long enough to register that he’s in the right place. Minho reaches for the door to the supply closet to grab a pencil and paper, and stares uncomprehendingly as stacks of boxes slide out at him, puddling around his feet like a cardboard sea.
It hits him then, that this was his doing, his supposed prank on Y/N from yesterday. It feels like he set it up centuries ago, and the weight of everything he’s just lost comes crashing back down on his shoulders. Minho slumps to the ground, sitting in the mess he’s made. He can’t believe that Y/N would do that, save him when it meant damning herself. 
Truth be told, he’s not sure if he would have made the same choice as easily as her. When it comes down to it, would Minho have saved Y/N, or would he have been content that at least he wouldn’t have died alone? Would he have even realized that was a possibility in the first place? He’d like to say that he would have done it every time, but he won’t know for sure until he’s in a position like that again.
Everyone is treading carefully around Minho, he can see that. The second he sits down at a table to pretend to eat his dinner, everyone either flashes him brief sympathetic glances or just looks away completely, as if by not meeting his gaze they won’t have to deal with what just happened.
Minho kind of wants to do something to force them to think about it, like clamber up onto a table and start shouting about how they’re all being useless shanks by sitting around and pretending nothing ever happened. It’s not like any of them could possibly do anything, not really, but at least he’d feel better than this constant guiltiness.
He can’t sleep at all that night, too caught up in the fact that Y/N is out there somewhere, absolutely terrified, if she hasn’t already died. That, too, is almost unmentionable. What will he do if he’s out running the next day and finds her, broken and bloody, no longer able to laugh with him or even draw a single breath? It might kill him too.
The sky brightens eventually, although Minho has yet to be convinced that the day has actually begun. Maybe it’s just one endless night forever, again and again until there is no end to any of this. Minho sees a couple of Gladers starting to get up and stares at them, confused, until he realizes that they’re Runners, which means that he has to get up too.
That’s the worst part about all of this, how he’s expected to go about his day and head into the Maze once more as if he didn’t just lose Y/N. He doesn’t know if he can do this. Frypan asks if he wants to sit the day out, but Minho’s already up, so he just shrugs and says that he has nothing else to do. It’s true, but not a good excuse, and both boys know it.
Minho finds himself standing outside the Doors with a small crowd of Gladers. Most of the others are still asleep, having assumed that today will play out the way every other day does, in which those who stay in the Maze overnight will be dead. That’s the way it’s always been, but Minho still finds himself silently praying that Y/N might be the exception.
Newt walks over to Minho just before the time comes. “You going to be alright?”
Minho lifts a shoulder, voice dull. “I don’t think I have a choice.”
A rumbling sound emanates throughout the Glade, and Minho turns his fragmented attention back towards the Doors. Despite the odds, he still feels his spirits fall when he notices that nobody is there waiting for him. He didn’t realize how much hope he was still holding out that Y/N would survive until he’s faced with this empty corridor.
Minho stands there a moment longer, just staring and watching his very soul bleed away from him, and then he sees it. A flicker of movement, just at the end of the hallway stretching out before him. Minho doesn’t know for certain until he’s already moving, and then he’s running as fast as he can towards Y/N.
Y/N, who is by some miracle still alive, who’s limping towards him around the corner. Minho runs faster than he ever has before until he’s before her. He wraps his arms around her before he knows what he’s doing, pulling her so close that they might become one and the same. His eyes flicker shut, at last dropping off the last bit of his stress.
“You’re alright,” he says, barely able to manage the syllables.
“Mostly,” Y/N mumbles against his shoulder. He holds her closer anyway.
At last, Minho reluctantly lets her go, immediately starting to scan her for injuries. Her ankle looks bad, maybe twisted, but other than a few scrapes and gashes on her arms, she’s mostly unharmed. It’s a miracle.
Y/N arches a brow as if she can tell what he’s thinking. “Surprised to see me?”
Minho laughs quietly. “Something like that. Mainly relieved that you made it out.”
She smirks. “Of course I made it out. Did you really think I’d ever let you stay the fastest Runner forever?”
“Not a chance,” Minho breathes, “I need you more than anyone else here.” 
Her smile widens into something genuine. She’s not gone, he’s alright. Nothing could ever be better.
maze runner tag list: @rogueanschel, @ellobruv, @retvenkos, @neewtmas, @hiya-its-amber, @thatfangirl42, @gods-fools-heroes
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AITA for not talking to my hair dresser while she's styling my hair?
🍇🤍 to recognize
kinda what it says on the tin. i didnt think this was a big deal but i mentioned it to my dad and he said that i must be her worst customer, because talking is supposed to be part of her job.
i started going there when i was young, maybe 13yo, but ive seen quite a few different stylists over the years. ive had the current one for maybe 4 years at this point?
ive always been extremely socially awkward and when i was younger i couldnt even manage to explain how i wanted my hair cut and needed my parent to do it for me (tho this was years ago). ive gotten a lot better lately and i could make small talk if i wanted to, but i would prefer to stay quiet so i could enjoy the experience, because i find it very relaxing.
shes never really seemed to mind? of course, i need to take my glasses off so i cant really see her expression, but she usually only does the standard "how are you" and "is this short enough" stuff. i assumed that meant she was completely fine with it. but then my dad said that thing and im wondering if i should make more of an effort.
i always tip 30% or higher because she does a fantastic job, before anyone asks, so i like to think im not a terrible customer, at least.
What are these acronyms?
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veemunson86 · 4 months
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I see you everywhere
Pt 3, love of my life.
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⭑・゚゚・*:༅。.。༅:*゚:*:✼✿  ✿✼:*゚:༅。.。༅:*・゚゚・⭑
it was Steve's idea, to write a letter to Eddie and burn it. you thought it was cheesy but decided to give it a shot. the heavy weight your heart felt for him ached more and more every day which was causing unwanted stress. going  into the 8th month of your pregnancy began to become unbarable without him. all you wanted was to feel him holding you late at night, but he couldn't, and that alone was a crushing feeling. at first you thought it was a horrible idea, but when you were missing him extra one day, you finally found the right words.
" my dearest eddie, today marks almost 8 months since you left me. it still hasn't gotten any easier. everyone says it gets better, but when? i miss you like crazy. i still wear your ring, but its too big for my hand so i have it on a chain i swear around my neck. i wonder what our wedding would have been like. i wonder how you would have raised our beautiful baby girl, would you have played her music to help her sleep? everywhere i go, its like you're here with me. i see you everywhere around the house that would have been ours. i wake up to what would have been the side of your bed, and its like sometimes i envision youre laying next to me... your hair a big frizzy mess. i find myself doing that a lot, thinking youre here with me, that maybe, just maybe you'll come back to me. but you wont, and that's when i snap back into reality. you're gone. its still hard to say out loud. our baby is growing so fast. she has a strong heartbeat. i remember when i would lay my head  on your chest when we would be on the couch, or laying in bed. it was my favorite thing to listen to. that day when i held you, i felt your heart slowly give out, and a part of mine died with you that day. everyone here says ive changed, and the truth is i have. the y/n i was died when you did, now I'm just the shell of the girl i once was. the shell of a girl who lost the one person she truly loved. but i wanna change, that's why in writing this. i wanna change for our girl. i wanna be the best version of myself i can, for her. it scares my thinking about having to do this alone, but i know I'm not alone. i have the kids, and steve, nancy and robin to help. they go with me to every appointment. i know she is gonna be so loved by them, and that makes me happy. i decided on a name. remember when we talked about a family of our own one day? we wrote down names that we would want for our kids. i found that notebook when i moved your stuff in here. our house. just like we wanted. 3 bedroom, 2 bathroom. big backyard, with a small swimming pool. it wasn't easy, but i had help. my parents and your uncle helped me until i could get up on my feet. i moved your stuff here, part of my thinks youre gonna show up one day. our bedroom is perfect. we both have a nightstand, i have pictures of us together o your side. i know it all sounds stupid, but its comforting. i have a few of your shirts in the closet, they still smell like you. i always loved that smell, like cinnamon and weed. it makes it feel like youre still here. i open up our closet and that's the first thing i smell, it smells like home. like you. i picked our girls name, i decided on Amelia. shes gonna have your last name. i set up her nursery with the help of steve, dustin, and max. her little room is adorable. i have a light pink crib, and above it there is her name smelled out in wooden letters. there is little ducks on the wallpaper, as when i went through my first nesting phase i didnt know the gender yet. there is a fuzzy white rug right by her crib, and a rocking chair so i can feed her in there. i wish you could be here to see it, but alas, youre not. so i guess this is my final goodbye to you. steve said writing this and burning it would give me piece of mind, and i think hes right. so goodbye my love, i will love you forever, please watch over me and our baby. i love you."
and with that, you folded the paper in half, throwing it in the fireplace, watching as it slowly turned to ash.
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