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william-s-churros · 9 months

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olan headcanons lol

VERY RAMBLING AND SUBJECT TO CHANGE LOL. if youve read my fics some of this stuff will be obvious but if not, here. you can avoid my fics entirely. i change tenses a lot i think in this and im so sorry

i think that being married was genuinely like a traumatic experience for him. i think he very much did experience intense romantic attraction to his wife at first, but that it probably petered out very, very quickly and for no discernable reason (possibly just that they were incompatible in the long term, which would be obvious if not for the fact that they were still in the honeymoon phase) but he was probably a very conflict-averse person who values his ability to go with the flow, even if that flow is incredibly damaging for him to go with. its just easier to, rather than fight, escape into alcoholism and mouldering resentment. i mean, i dont say this to exuse his neligence as a husband and father, but just to explain why lol. im sure he was a terrible, terrible father in the process of all this. just also maybe that he didnt have a good time either lol. like im sure part of that feeling of being unnecessary to them was him making himself unavailable to even be neccesary.

definitely married young because he got his then-girlfriend pregnant. definitely then married her because that's the good catholic boy thing to do. (also yeah hes catholic in my mind lmao. what else is new with me. i feel like theres probably a sizeable catholic community in olathe for no reason besides i said so, because i love giving characters very catholic-y feelings lol)

i think probably, in the aftermath of this, he enjoys the freedom from his family quite a bit. like, im sure he didnt want them to die, but he probably never wanted to see them again. like the responsibility of having a family was too much for him, and he constantly failed at it, so not having that failure and pressure hanging over his head is a welcome relief, even if the method by which it happened was extremely unfortunate. i kind of imagine that loss was something more of a hollowness than a more typical sense of grief. im sure he feels very weird and bad about all of it, but thats what drinking is for! eyyyyy. probably a lot of that feeling weird and bad is worrying about the judgment of others, too.

as a result, i feel like his relationship style is probably like. none. like i imagine since his marriage was so terrible, he probably just assumes that every relationship he's in will also be terrible because he assumes he is just terrible at relationships, and does his best to actively avoid being actually romantically involved with people, to actively avoid developing feelings for people, or even like sleeping with people more than once. that said, i feel like he would fuck anyone with a pulse who gave him the go ahead lmao. he's looking for good memories (and a stiff drink ofc) more than anything! and that means trying to do as much fun stuff as he can before he dies. i do sort of feel like that its extremely possible to fall into those intense romantic feelings-- the kind he had early on with his wife-- but they, again, would probably not last a very long time, and his system of being a one-and-done lay works to insulate him from those feelings (typically)

all this stuff if meant to insulate him from pain and conflict of course. i feel like he probably lies (or "bends the truth" lol) frequently for similar reasons.

definitely someone who only really does stuff he's either already good at or is good at immediately lol. zero discipline

no gag reflex at all (extremely important headcanon)

uhh i think he's probably pretty gay? but he doesn't think of himself that way. in his mind, he's straight, but also willing to play the cards he's been dealt because he enjoys having sex and, you know, why not? its probably more accurate to say that he's bisexual, but he probably never considered the possibility of sleeping with a man until after the flash when that was all that was available. i feel like he made it like 3 months before being like oh... whatever... fine. ill try sucking cock. he's also vers lol, mostly because a lot of other "straight" men after the flash don't want to bottom.

he's good at other long range accuracy sports (like darts and uhhh bowling??) but he has zero coordination when it comes to hand to hand combat.

tall? maybe not super tall, but still on the taller side, like 6ft. also one of those people whos never had to work out to maintain his physique. a lot of things like this have been very easy for him in life, which cultivated his very poor discipline habits. probably of average intelligence, but very good at bullshitting and thus got good grades in school.

he has an associates degree in communications.

he did not enjoy his job, but he did enjoy being away from his family. decent-ish salesman? it helps that he's very friendly and basically handsome. definitely drank on the clock.

has a DUI, but has driven under the influence hundreds if not thousands of times lol. he's probably smoked weed only a few times when he was younger but he didn't know what he was doing and didn't actually get high (he probably had a bit of a placebo effect where he felt what he thought people felt while high on marijuana, which was not accurate at all) he grew up in a household where drinking was very normal and began drinking as a very young teen (13 or 14?) also a casual smoker, especially likes to smoke after sex or a good meal.

he's a bit of a square, and especially was one before the flash. he definitely did things that were expected of him (i.e. getting married) because that was the normal thing to do more than because he wanted to. he had a pretty deep investment in appearing to be normal before the flash. after the flash, he's not nearly as worried, but he still has some residual mindsets that are hard to get over, which lead him to do things like, for example, consider himself to be straight lol

he obviously has a very high tolerance for alcohol and could drink any other party member under the table.

he "likes" birdie, but birdie also makes him feel extremely insecure about how terrible he was as a father and how little he cares that his family is dead. sometimes, this causes him to lash out at birdie in really stupid ways, like over-exaggerating just how little he cared about his family to upset birdie. he does regret doing this because it makes birdie cry. birdie does not really like olan because of this type of behavior, but often forgets that when he's particularly plastered, and olan is usually the only person who is willing to drink as much as he is, so they do hang out together despite both of them kind of not enjoying the experience at all.

he likes brad a lot because brad is very weird lmao. he's just curious about him and asks him a lot of questions (most of which brad does not answer of course) and wants brad to like and trust him. he also wants to make brad have fun and relax (good luck with that one bud... lmao)

I don't think he has much interest in buddy at all? he fully supports brad abandoning his quest to save her, of course, mostly because he doesnt see the point of it.

he probably gets along with nern pretty well but definitely only enjoys his rambly ass stories when he's good and drunk. they complain about their dead wives with each other. yeah he probably kind of sucks about women, not in like a malicious way per se but more in the sense that he's just an idiot man. basically. lmao. but nern really brings out the worst in him on the subject of women.

he likes terry a lot because terry is a ridiculous person and a lot of fun. ignoring the fact that i ship them, i think he just really enjoys what a silly, weird dude he is. he is probably a longtime hint enjoyer and was pleased to meet the guy who wrote them all. NOT ignoring that i ship them, i feel like olan sort of views terry as one would a manic pixie dream girl, like, terry makes his life so exciting! he's going to pull olan out of this existential mire! he's making olan feel things again! he's damaged and desperate for love! and he's such a freak in bed! idk. its not the most accurate of reads is all im saying. idk how it would work out in the longrun with them, though. i think olan would kind of maybe slide into his avoidant-resentful mode if enough time passed, but it might take longer than it did with his wife because theyre just really good at having sex with each other lol.

he's probably been to the beehive like plenty of times so queen roger knows of him and he knows of queen roger, but i doubt theyve encountered each other much outside of maybe roger kicking him out on his ass because he was too drunk or trying to sleep there like its a hotel

and uhhh i havent thought a lot about what he thinks of the other companions as much. i feel like he probably likes most of them? he probably likes most people he meets tbh.

anyway im tired of writing this long ass shit lol bye

#olan Hoyt #lisa headcanons #stop talking matt #long ass post #lisa rpg

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wulvert · 1 year

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HACK WHEEZE GOOFNMOR NING. IT IS NOT MORNING FOR ME ACTUALLY I HAV MISSED IT BY A LONGSHOT. ANYWAYS HAPPY BELATED PAPERTEETH DAY YOU WON THROUGH THE ILLNESS!!! 🎉🎉🎉🎉

tw for: discussion of suicide (about avery) nd questions about avery's mental state i guess? if ur uncomfortable with answering the questions here for any reason pls for the love of god do NOT answer. or delete the ask nd i can resend it without this part. theres a marker for when i stop talking about it!

i am. so deeply concerned about avery's mental state. the repeated showcases of such severe self hatred to the point of suicidal ideation is so so worrying i want her 2 be happy. i like exploring nd expanding on it when i write her though!!! complex characters my beloved. was avery. always in this mental state before being turned? or was it. becoming a vampire that triggered it. or did becoming a vampire just like. make what she already had worse? i am. very worried for her

(discussion of suicidal topic end)

um. heres a lighter question: WHY DID SCARLET REACT LIKE THAT WHEN AVERY FIRST CALLED HER,,,WHO DID SHE THINK WAS CALLING,,,IS THIS JUST HOW SHE ANSWERS THE PHONE. IS IT RELATED 2 SCARLETS "FEELS ALONE TO THE POINT OF ABNORMALITY" THING ND SHE WAS JUST RLY EXCITED 2 HAVE SOMEONE CALL? IS IT JUST A FOR FUN DETAIL IM OVERTHINKING. I HAVE 2 KNOW,,,

also. how did scarlet know where avery lives. did she like. ask trisha nd trisha asked her dad/rummaged through his files? asked kelly?

GOODMORNING ITS 5PM! I did it,,,

ok yeah tw: implied suicidal ideation pretty much what lesbian_1sm said:

right so she's def never been this low b4- but she's definitely overall throughout her life been pretty empty, she's never had any control of her own life, its all been what her parents want for her & her brothers- becoming a vampire's the worst possible scenario for her, she under 0 circumstances can fulfill her parents wants in any way whatsoever. so that sucks, cuz she's dedicated every waking moment of her life to that. she's raised to think vampires existing is morally wrong- so she feels guilty for not being dead but she also, honestly doesn't want to die, she's never rly got to live 4 herself but it seems like the only thing ethical thing she can do. so she hates herself a lot, but she also hates herself for not hating herself more. rip. she is gonna latch onto any "excuse" for her to not turn herself in, she just needs some outside thing to justify it to herself with. she genuinely thinks kelly would just kill her no questions asked if she told him even though theyve been friends for like. a gazillion years.

she'll be okay though i think becoming a vampires necessary for her to get better in the long run otherwise she'd stick to that murder grindset for the rest of time

ITSA OVER WE CAN TALK ABT SCARLET AND HER LESS OVERT DESPAIR NOW WAHOO

I THINK SHE'S JUST LIKE THAT NOW. shes not used to people anymore. a spam call is a huge event for her- she has to make them stay to talk for a minute.

she probably asked around, i think vampire hunters like to impose so a few people probably know where she lives- & scarlet probably just said she wanted to check up on her after hearing about the disruption - her desperate intensity probably made ppl think they were close friends (not out of character for avery not to let her friends know where she lives, so whatever) so they unquestioningly gave it to her.

#asks

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weirdmageddon · 3 years

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five years too late let’s analyze this. the commentary has gotten me back into gravity falls reigniting thoughts and insights i came to years ago

i love everything about this commentary in general it hits the points of humor, genuine analysis of the characters, but most of all im so glad hirsch addressed that the droid not detecting any fear from dipper here doesnt make any scientific sense because that was a massive CinemaSins moment for me

IDK the fact that dipper can fucking stand after an airship crash because theres a bigger threat at hand is literally one of the defining capabilities owed to adrenaline lol...... IM SORRY im a biopsychology student if i dont point that out iwill seethe and die because that was just . its a grudge ive held for a long time about this episode but didnt rant about because it was something so minor and i’m sure nobody would care.

i was 13 when this episode came out and i’m almost 19 now, i had a special interest in biology and i still do but now i’m actually having college classes in biopsychology so i can give my arguments more oomph now. and i have to say, now that i know more about the brain and autonomic nervous system the more this scene bugs me, if that was even possible. and it says a lot of dipper and ford’s relationship.

if dipper clearly wasnt calm before, why would he be now just because he’s put up an outwardly confident facade? before he was in the flight but now hes in the fight. my boy just rode on top of a spaceship by nothing but a magnet gun that could detach at any time if it failed and then the ship crashed, he sustained injuries, is in emotional turmoil because he thinks his uncle is Fucking Dead and the threat of a security droid that detects adrenaline is on his tail and produces a Big Fucking Gun in response to dipper saying “i hAvE a MaGNeT gUn” and hes screaming and has his teeth clenched but sure there’s no adrenaline coursing through his body in that moment i can totally believe that

when dipper asks what happened, ford says “the orb didn’t detect any chemical signs of fear, it assumed the threat was neutralized and self-disassembled” but i don’t think measuring someone’s heartbeat alone is particularly relevant in detecting ... chemical signs of fear?? they dont really tell you this shit but noradrenaline (and maybe adrenaline too if the acetylcholine from sympathetic outflow always activates the adrenal medulla??, theres two pathways) is always active in small quantities to make sure your parasympathetic nervous system doesnt slow your heart to dangerous levels on its own, regardless of your emotions. it’s just a homeostatic mechanism. your sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous systems are CONSTANTLY modulating control of your organs on a see-saw, literally with every breath you take. simply standing upright causes specialized mechanoreceptor neurons in blood vessels to signal your brain to project signals to release catecholamines via the sympathetic nervous system to constrict your blood vessels so that blood is able to reach your brain and not pool in your legs. i have a deficiency in my body’s ability to adapt to this which is why i know so much about it. if i stand up my heart races to compensate. i’m not feeling fear, my body is just adjusting—albeit grossly and incompetently lol.

but what im saying here is that the security system is flawed. it’s a cool idea to have security droids detect fear, but in practice by detecting adrenaline, and not even directly by detecting the molecule itself—it’s done in a roundabout way by reading the heartbeat, could be a recipe for false alarms. like what if someone’s on beta-blockers. that’s not really an adequate way to measure “fear”; there’s so many variables that could interfere with the measurement the farther you abstract from what you’re really trying to detect. and besides, adrenaline is NOT just a sign of fear, it’s just for preparing the body for action. i know the sympathetic nervous system and adrenaline is constantly linked with the “fight-or-flight” reaponse to a stressor, but 99.9% of the time the sympathetic nervous system is used in your life is to balance out your parasympathetic nervous system to maintain homeostatic equilibrium for mundane things.

i think detecting amygdalar activation would be more efficient in detecting fear. the amygdala sends projections to the hypothalamus which then in turn modulates the autonomic nervous systems. but the amygdala is intensely activated specifically in response to a fear-inducing stimulus (it does activate in response to other emotions but they’re mostly negative and is most activated by startle and fear), and wouldnt be highly activated by many other confounding variables like measurement of the heartbeat could be. the amygala is one of the first stops directly from external stimuli.

to show you how integrated the amygdala is as the first step in registering fear after receiving input from sensory stimuli let’s look at the auditory-amygdala connection for example

see how the auditory thalamus projects to the primary auditory cortex and auditory association cortex? the cortex is where conscious awareness of what the stimuli is comes from. this is the “high road”. it goes sensing -> perception -> emotional response. but sometimes you can be startled without even processing what it is you’re sensing, like the startle response of an alarm or a phone ringing in a quiet house before you even register what it is. this goes sensing -> emotional response, without perception happening until after you’ve already felt the startle. that’s when it takes the “low road”. here’s a simplified version:

even if that were the case with these droids though it’s obvious dipper is still fearful on some level here. his body language, voice, expressions all give it away. for the amygdala, aggression isnt too off from fear so it would be detected equally.

the reason this is so important is because ford uses this as evidence for why dipper is special, “i did it?” “you did it. this is what i was talking about, how many 12 year olds do you think are capable of doing what you’ve just done?”

but like....did he really? i’m not saying this to shoot dipper down or make him out to be more of a wuss, he was incredibly strong-willed here and i dont want to take that away from him because it WAS growth on his part. but the underlying psychophysiological reactions of aggression and fear shouldn’t be that different and this was a total asspull. maybe the droid was so old that it fucked up. maybe dipper being covered in grime and dirt made it harder for the droid to measure the correct heart rate through photoplethysmography (im assuming since they use a camera and are non-contact).

and in all honesty everything i just said brings into question the interpersonal healthiness of ford’s judgements, what he thinks, his expectations, and how he communicates that. in this video alex already talks about how ford is projecting onto dipper. and i think ford may be projecting his expectations for himself onto people who are not him, and the fact that it’s on dipper here makes it far more unfortunate. you realize how much this boy idolizes ford, right? how much impressions matter? dipper even tells himself before he leaves in this same episode, “all right dipper, this is your first big mission with great uncle ford. don’t mess this up.”

even though it’s unstated, the implicit message dipper is perceiving from ford based on their dynamic is: “do you have what it takes for me to be proud of you?” and to accomplish this he must be like ford, even though he’s clearly not and he knows this. he says “i don’t think have what it takes. i was tricked by bill, i was wrong about stan’s portal, heck, i can’t even operate this magnet gun right.” then, by simple chance without even knowing what he did, he activates the magnet gun and pulls out the adhesive, which immediately takes the focus away from what dipper was telling ford about his feelings of inadequacy to ford saying, “yes! dipper, you found the adhesive!”

these thoughts of dipper’s hang in the air without resolve or comment from ford. we don’t know what ford would have said. but it then becomes painfully self-evident in the scene immediately after when the droids emerge and ford tells dipper, “they’re security droids and they detect adrenaline. you simply have to not feel any fear and they won’t see you”, to which dipper replies with an exasperated (and rightful) “WHAT?”

dipper goes in a panic trying to indirectly tell his uncle that this isn’t something he can do. and he is completely right and valid to be freaked out by that full stop. that IS crazy. you can’t control your fear. you can control how you interpret that fear in your higher brain regions but the physiological changes will stick around for longer than it takes to cognitively calm down. it’s easy for me to detach from my emotions to analyze them, but being able to do this does not come naturally for everyone. even i have an irrational fear of wasps and i can’t control it by detaching myself, my body is just automatically primed to get the fuck out of there. i know it’s stupid and i know it’s irrational and isn’t helpful to get myself worked up but i literally can’t stop how my body reacts no matter how i cognitively think about it. expecting composure from dipper in a situation like this when he’s being made to consciously be aware of his anxiety is absolutely fucking insane. look what you did, placing these cruel expectations on him, now he’s afraid of being afraid! this isn’t a case where two wrongs cancel out, they just stack on top of each other.

youtube

there’s a good reason these scenes were put side by side but it seems up until now it had remained unanalyzed.

what dipper fears from ford is disappointment. not living up to his uncle’s (quite frankly badly placed) expectations for a twelve year old with anxiety. not once did ford say or subliminally communicate “i don’t expect you to be able to do what i can since you are not as experienced as i am and that’s perfectly okay, no judgements”. you don’t put a child on bike before training wheels. you don’t throw a kid into a swimming pool without giving them swimming lessons. the way ford is doing it, there’s no room for trial and error or mistakes that are an opportunity to grow and learn; instead, it’s life or death. he only seems to pride dipper on what he can do while ignoring the underlying struggles that plague him and never making it known it’s okay for dipper to fail in front of his hero and that he won’t think anything less of him for it.

and that’s why i found the ending scene for dipper and ford’s adventure in this episode to feel so.. wrong. on a scientific and social level. because by the sound of it ford focused more on what dipper had done to dismantle the droid (the droid not detecting any fear) instead of how dipper displayed love and protection for him even if he was truly afraid. what if the science was accurate and the droid detected adrenaline while dipper was confidently standing up for his uncle. would ford still be proud of him regardless?

#can you tell how i’m similar to ford but also so different like i said in that other post lol #gravity falls #analysis #dipper pines #stanford pines #long post #gf #gravity falls meta

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azucanela · 4 years

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Dating korra would include

BEING KORRA’S S/O[GENDER NEUTRAL]

BEING ZUKO’S S/O | BEING SOKKA’S S/O

SUMMARY: life with korra from confession to marriage

WORD COUNT: 2.1k

WARNINGS: no major spoilers

A/N: SOMEONE WITH T A S T E, i hope you don’t mind but i kinda just did the same thing i did for my zuko headcannons so feel free to scroll straight to the during the relationship bit if you just want dating korra h/c :D

also i have 300 followers now what, i literally had 200 like yesterday hi everyone <3 um i really need to start pulling out all the stops

GETTING INTO THE RELATIONSHIP

she’s a simp.

that’s it. thats the headcannon. she has literally liked you since she met you and has said nothing, but you probably know since she’s so damn OBVIOUS ABOUT IT

korra is very in tuned with her emotions so when she realizes she likes you she’s pretty okay with it, a little more flustered during your interactions, but after a while her goal is to make you feel how she feel which is flustered.

she has no shame though, she knows she is hot and she wants you to know she thinks you are hot

lots of flirting on her end, so naturally you kinda begin to think she is joking and think nothing of it

this was not her intent, and now that you are desensitized to her flirting and not reacting flustered like you did when she first started she is frustrated™

you were not understanding that she very much likes you

stupid

she hasn’t said anything outright to you about it though, which is the main reason you are like lol this is a joke, my crush fake flirts with me i am okay

spoiler alert: you are not okay with this it hurts ow

so now shes getting ridiculously affectionate with you, which, tbh, she always was, but not its RIDICULOUS, korra is out here throwing an arm around your shoulder, randomly grabbing your hand, kissing your cheek

shes trying really hard to get her point across like really really hard

like painfully hard

if she likes you its probably because your fun, like you really spice up her life and introduce her to new things and go on really dumb adventures and really important missions with her and you put up with her and wow now korra is simping oops

you’re also probably forcing her to stay healthy, since i honestly think that despite having such an appetite, korra will forget to eat and take care of herself sometimes.

she is so bad at drinking water i swear to goD

there are two situations here

situation one is where korra finally realizes that you CANNOT READ SIGNALS AT ALL and decides she going to be upfront with you about her feelings

she’s either going to just flat out kiss you next time she sees you or spill all her emotions, of both in no particular order

you’re like reading in your room in the air temple, just vibing, and you see her coming towards you with a determined look on her face and you’re like ??? lol okay

you go back to reading only to have her hand reach under you jaw and she brings you into a kiss and now you’re like LOL OKAY

you honestly think that this is just another one of her stunts to get you flustered and means nothing

stoopid

and then she pulls apart and just starts spilling her feelings and you’re like :O omg me too

and she’s like, “great, we’re dating now.” and suddenly she’s kissing you again, and between kisses you’re like, “im sorry what?”

“you heard me. do you have a problem with that?”

you just kiss her again

situation two is where you get sick of her and realize woah she may or may not be in love with you and so you confront her, and now there is a lot of yelling because you are frustrated™ and like screw you korra

you honestly think she is either madly in love with you and just doing this as a joke, and you genuinely think the latter is more like so you lowkey start crying and korra immediately begins to panic

she’s like, “why would i ever joke about that! i’ve literally been trying to get that through your thick skull this whole time!”

this time you kiss her first and korra is throwing a party in her head but she also feels really bad for making you cry oops

DURING THE RELATIONSHIP

okay so korra happens to be very much a simp

and you happen to be very much the mom friend™ it doesn’t matter if you are a boy girl or none of the above, that is your trademark my friend

she’s very affectionate and now that the two of you are dating she is at a whole new level.

important meeting? you are in her lap she does not care. war meeting? she is cuddling you as you explain the plans of attack and DAMN DO YOU LOOK GOOD DOING it

since being the avatar is MUCH more a political position now though, she does try to keep your relationship slightly on the down low, even before you were dating, you both had reporters constantly asking about your relationship and she doesn’t really like that

they are nosy and she does not approve. korra understands wanting to know about her avatar duties, but anything outside of that in regards to her personal life annoys her

loves kissing you, and when she does it tends to be intense and passionate. after a particularly tough day though, her kisses can either be slow and sensual because she just wants to have a nice soft and domestic day with you

they can be harsh and almost brutish, she will get rough with you because she is highkey pissed at everything that day and making out you with is her stress reliever

really likes cuddling and anything domestic in general. she’s really happy with you, and she kinda has all the love languages

she seeks validation when the press is particularly harsh since being the avatar is HARD and as much as she wants to, she cannot please anyone, so please tell her she is doing amazing

so many acts of service up in here, she will randomly do stuff for you, spontaneity is kinda her vibe ya know

very vocal and expressive about her feelings, communication is key with her

arguments aren’t a rarity tbh, but when they do happen they tend to be more of debates over little things like what’s better, pineapple pizza or no?

major fights tend to end poorly since she can be a little stubborn when it comes to such things, but she will admit she was wrong and apologize IF she was wrong

if she wasn’t wrong but the argument got out of hand, she’ll apologize for that but will affirm her correctness

kiss her scars, she has them, and she is proud of them but

support her at her pro bending matches and she will DIE, so happy, literally sososososososo happy, hugs you, loves you, yes

treats you as an equal no matter what, even if people think that as the avatar she should see herself as something more than

very protective of you.

like if someone flirts with you, she is clingy x10. if someone hits on you despite your protests, she HITS them. if someone threatens to hurt you, she promises to end them.

MARRIAGE N STUFF

WELP

she’s gonna realize she wants to propose when she almost loses you, or in the middle of a battle. when the reality of potentially losing you hits her she is gonna realize she wants to live out the rest of her life by your side, protecting you

situation one is where she literally, in the MIDDLE OF BATTLE, without a ring, just proposes. you are being a baddie, bending if you are a bender, fighting the opposing enemy, looking MIGHTY FINE while doing it

“marry me.”

you falter, nearly getting hit as your head whips over to her and you’re like, “ARE YOU SERIOUS?”

and she throws a giant rock at the opposition, temporarily indisposing them, “yes?? why wouldn’t i be.”

Someone comes up behind you and you elbow them in the face and ram your foot into their knee, knocking them down, “RIGHT NOW?”

she throws a whip of water in your direction and you dodge it, allowing her to take out the enemy behind you, and you throw a whole dagger at her to do the same. “that was close.” she narrows her eyes at you bc you lowkey look like you wanna kill her rn as you two hide behind a barricade for cover and an explosion washes over it, “you could’ve killed me.”

“you just about gave me a heart attack when you PROPOSED two minutes ago, need i remind you.”

korra raised a brow at you, “is that a no...?”

“do you even have a ring?”

korra gives you a look that gives you the answer and you groan, “i cannot believe you.”

“you really should’ve expected this.”

“i know.”

“i get to pick the ring then?”

“you’re probably going to plan the whole wedding.”

“alright.”

theres a boom from beyond the barricade you two have hidden behind as korra looks to you, “alright?”

“i’ll marry you.” you elaborate, giving her a bright smile.

situation two is more depressing lol

you have been SHOT oops, don’t die pls because korra CANNOT handle it after everything that has happened to her, so if you die she’s done

she’s kinda just sitting at your bed side and it hits her that you could die basically any day now, and she would have so many regrets

she wished she kissed you more, told you she loved you more, held you longer, spent more mornings with you and your bedhead, she wished she learnt to cook so that she could surprise you with a meal when you get home from a long day of work, she wishes she did a lot of things

she wishes you two were married.

korra is now having an existential crisis, and everyone is telling her that she has to go home, get some rest, you’ll wake up eventually, you’ll get better, but you don’t wanna wake up to korra being a mess

she knew they were right, you always scolded her for not taking care of herself, so she decided to follow some of their wishes

Korra cannot bring herself to go home, there are so many reminders of you that it hurts, and she kinda just decides she’ll stay in a hotel and wash up and such.

besides, you are her home.

after leaving the hotel, she ends up going the jeweler and buying the ring she believes screams you

when korra returns to the hospital, she contemplated proposing right then and there, before realizing that you’d probably yell at her for choosing such a ridiculous time and you already had a lot on your plate

once the two of you return home and you are in the midst of recovery, she did learn to cook, so you wouldn’t feel the need to do so, and given your situation she fears you’ll injure yourself further in the process.

you two are eating dinner and you’re babbling on about something you’d read, and she suddenly decides to get up and walk over to you, leaving you like ???

then she gets down on one knee and you are like :O

she’s like, “marry me.”

naturally, you start crying and nodding because wow this is such an intimate moment and just happiness

kissinggggg after that

the wedding is, under NO CIRCUMSTANCE public, the most private and intimate wedding ever. korra hates reporters after her life as the avatar, she doesnt want strangers at her wedding.

any and everyone she has ever fought beside is there though, its wholesome and nice

definitely cries when she sees you at the altar

her vows are MASTERFUL AND TEARJERKING

its a pretty basic wedding though, unless you prefer something over the top, the food is nice a mix of both your cultures and favorite things and there’s beautiful lighting

definitely done on air temple island, and tbh tenzin would probably walk you down the aisle because i said so

married life with her is even better, she lives for he domesticity of it all, especially lazy sunday mornings with the light filtering in and you just looking all pretty and having a lil fun

iykyk

honeymoon in the spirit word lads

bolin is your number one supporter

life with korra is a 10/10 i do recommend it

A/N: im kinda in love with korra lol this requests made me happy

#korra x reader #korra x you #korra x y/n #x reader #legend of korra #legend of korra x reader #legend of korra x you #lok #lok x reader #lok x you #korra #korra headcannons #korra x reader headcannon

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annqbthchse · 4 years

Text

SGE x Cheesy Christmas Au

Except this time I actually post it :0

Camelot's hosting this fundraiser to raise funds for the castle/kingdom - it's generally a joyous occasion and one of the only nights of the year that Arthur is sober - which is why he thinks that tonight is the best night to tell Tedros that the royal court has decided that he and the Lady Sophie are to be married

Tedros is very confused because although he's made threats about getting him married before to make him learn a lesson he never took it seriously before

Both are surprised and don't take it very well - tedros decides to try to increase his confidence with a few drinks while Sophie tries to hide from her mother whose just a bit too pleased at this proposed union

Tedros just basically says fuck it and decides to confront his father

Arthur tells Tedros that he's getting older and doesn't fully trust Tedros to be able to help the kingdom and Sophie is a lovely woman of whom the people love and that will only help Tedros’ reputation as future king and make the people of Camelot feel more secure in their future leadership

It's not like Tedros hasn’t heard this from him before it just hits a little different hearing it from him sober

So Tedros, mildly confident on some alcohol makes his father an offer: He’ll give the speech at Christmas eve and show all the dignitaries that he can prove he’s capable and knows things and that he doesn’t need an arranged marriage to do that or he’ll do what he says and marry Sophie. Arthur reluctantly agrees

To then digest everything that's happened and freak out a little in private he goes into the kitchens, where a certain waitress was just taking her break

Agathas just chilling - eating some cake

Tedros can keep it together at this point - the weight of what he's just agreed to finally catching up with him and he just has to expel all his feelings about how he's the cliched family disappointment etc.

He knows that he definitely should not be talking about it but he is slightly drunk + the cute girl seems friendly enough so why the fuck not He's just talking about how his fathers right and that although he tries and wants to he doesn’t know shit about Camelots economy or political relations that much (it was easy to get out of lessons all he had to do was bring up his mother and then he could do whatever he wanted for the rest of the day)

Anyway so that's when Agatha mildly laughs while eating her cake about her, unfortunately, knows a bit about that and Tedros has a big brain moment - he’ll just get this random girl that he met barely 30mins ago to teach him things he definitely should already know

Agathas not interested until Tedros offers to pay her a very generous amount for her knowledge and suddenly she's thinking of her student loans and how this way she’ll be using her degree + he seems in desperate need of a friend or at least someone so she agrees.

Meanwhile, Sophie is also thinking of a way to get out of her marriage. Her mother would never let her back out of such a lucrative deal so the only way of it is for tedros to decline. Which from what she overheard from the very intense conversation with his father, will only happen if he can get his shit together before Christmas eve.

Although she loves him she's a little apprehensive - this is the same man who can’t play Go Fish without cheating

So, Sophies concocting all these overcomplicated scenarios in her head so she doesn’t notice when she bumps into something or rather a someone causing her brand new Sophie bumps into Nicola causing her to spill some drinks on her brand new dress

She's pissed and insists that Nicola apologies, but Nicola keeps saying although she is sorry for spilling the drinks, Sophie did bump into her which gets Sophie so unbelievably riled up and she has now decided that she hates her

Tedros thinks it would be best for them to study in an old abandoned guest house - no one else goes there -and Tedros doesn't want his father to find out because he thinks it would be very embarrassing

They study and have some delightful lighthearted banter all while Tedros is overwhelmed by the amount of information he doesn’t know

One time he makes a very bad joke but she laughs anyway and he’s friozen - he likes how real and raw it is - how it makes him feel as if he’s finally earned something and just basks in it for a while before Agatha hits him with one of her thick books to get his attention back

She starts to understand him more and more - That maybe he’s just someone trying to do his best in a very complicated situation. He wants to help and make his people and father proud it's just that if he thinks too much about it he gets stressed and makes some dumb decisions

Meanwhile every time Nicola drops Agatha she happens to run into Sophie always coming back from some shopping date or salon appointment - Sophie is pissed every single time and they have a witty back and forth banter - something that Nicola secretly gets excited for every time - it adds a little excitement to her day

During one of their very last sessions theres a very strong blizzard going on and because of that and the fact that the gas heater isn’t working they light the fire and decide that they have no other choice but to sit close together (basically cuddle) near the fire

After a few failed attempts to get back onto topic, they find a pack of cards and decide to just fuck it and play Go Fish - Tedros starts to cheat, Agatha calls him out on it and then suddenly they’re arguing and laughing and doing everything except what they're supposed to.

Suddenly Agatha's toppled on top of him and it gets very quiet. Tedros can’t help but notice how pretty her eyes are and it pains her to not run her fingers through his golden hair. They’re close enough o all one of them has to do is just lean in ...but then prince dumbass ruins it by choosing that exact moment to reveal that he’s kinda engaged to be engaged. It hurts and she’s not entirely sure why. But then they hear the sound of a car honking and Agatha gathers all her stuff while Tedros is trying to explain everything but doing a shit job

Meanwhile, Sophie has just left the palace after a particularly nasty argument with her mother in which her perfect little daughter told her to fuck the right off so she takes her car and drives off - however the snow is starting to get heavier and heavier and Sophie - royalty of course - isn’t used to driving in general but especially in these conditions accidentally crashes her car in the middle of a snowbank

Nicola is driving back from dropping Agatha when she sees Sophie stranded in the snow. Against all better judgement, she decides to pull over to offer her a ride

Sophie swiftly declines due to her pride but then remembers that she if she doesn't she may die so eventually she gets into the car

So, Nicola asks here where she wants to be dropped but that's when Sophie realises that she doesn’t have anywhere else to go so instead of returning to the palace she decides to go wherever the fuck Nicola was planning - which turns out to be her second job at her father's pub - Nics a bit hesitant to take her because it doesn't seem like her scene but Sophie refuses to leave and she thinks she there's a possibility that if she pushes her out of her car she may be arrested so she gives in and off they go on their merry way

They arrive at the pub and Sophie immediately starts to regret her decision but a few drinks later and some help from Nics very kind daily she's now having a great time - she’s swinging by tables, talking to strangers, singing out loud (and offkey) to the music - she's having genuine fun - something she hasn’t felt in god knows how long

Nicola is just watching in amusement and complete disbelief that this is the same girl who yelled at her just over a month before - she gets Sophie to sit near her while she's cleaning the bar and they have a delightful conversation about everything but also nothing

Nicola realises it's getting close to the time where she has to pick Agatha up and Sophies ready to go home

In the car they have a much deeper conversation - Nicola asks why Sophie was in the snow (a topic she had long evaded the entire night) and she finally tells her about her complicated relationship with her mother and although she loves Tedros it’s the kind of love you have for your gay younger brother and that she DEFINITELY doesn’t want to marry him

Nicola tells Sophie about her own complicated family history and why she works two jobs - she tells her about her sickly father, her greedy brothers and her dead mother

And then suddenly they arrive at the pickup place and amid all the intense emotional talk - they’re very close - a second goes by before they both lean in and start making out

Until Sophie realises what she's doing and panics and honks the horn she's now running out the car into the palace

Agatha enters the car and their both reeling from the events of the past few hours The silence eventually becomes suffocating and neither can help it - they both completely unload to each other about what just happened and fuck they realise how much they

Tedros enters Sophie's room late at night and can't stop gushing about how smart, funny and oh so pretty Agatha is and how he completely just fucked it up - why didn’t he just tell her everything from the start and they wouldn’t be in this situation

Sophie then can't help but also gush about Nicola and how pretty her eyes are and soft her skin is and how she just felt so free and in control of her own life for the very first time and that's when they both realise how whipped they are

In an attempt to forget how he may have fucked up his chance with the first girl he's ever liked he chooses to write his speech Sophie sends an invite to the royal Christmas party to Agatha with a letter explaining everything because she knows Tedros wouldn’t. Tedros does the same for Nicola

During the ball, Sophie is surprised to see Nicola there but one look at Tedros and she knows that as much as she hates it she’ll have to give him a big thanks later.

She uses Tedros’ speech as a distraction to drag her away

They end up standing in front of a huge hallway in the middle of the hallway overlooking the frozen lake and snow-covered trees

Sophie explains why she panicked - at fisrst she thought it was just a mistake with all the rufh of adreneline and everything but after talknig with Tedros she realied it wasn't a mistake but rather something that had wanted for a while but denied herself in the name of duty - At this point, they're grasping each others' hands and as they stare into each other's eyes - snow starts to fall - they glance outside, share a smile and kiss

They make it back in time to watch as Agatha and Tedros go into the palace courtyard

Tedros then gives the annual speech - and oh shit does he do so well. His speech is relevant and uses the correct terminology all while being 100% genuine and shows just how passionate, he looks so strong and determined - like a king - and everyone is in awe

Right before he’s about to finish his speech he spots her and she's giving him the proudest smile

After the speech, Tedros and his father have this big emotional talk where he's basically like “dad I don’t want to marry the lesbian” and that he doesn’t need someone else to validate his rule and competency - Arthurs just like “ok” - Tedros’s speech proved to him that he is fully capable of running the kingdom and the change he’s seen in him this past month has also proved just that

Agatha goes to congratulate him and he leads her outside - she explains why how she's there and tells him that if he just told her that from the start it would’ve been fine - he goes all moony-eyed and they start to feel the snow and it's just the perfect moment and they kiss.

#fuck im dumb omg #HERE it actually is #ok the ending may be rushed but isnt that just part of the genre at this point #sge #The School for Good and Evil #school for good and evil #Agatha of Woods Beyond #sophie of woods beyond #tedros of camelot #nicola of woods beyond #Tagatha #nicphie #my aus

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iceglade · 4 years

Text

i made a thread on twitter about this but i've been thinking about vanilla vs royal i cant handle how happy i am that royal has made ppl like akechi more, not just for "hes hot" reasons bc ppl love that but winning over reddit* folks who dislike many fanon takes for being too wooby,

not that i particularly care for Wooby bc ive been in fandom for ages and i like seeing ppl happy - i know theres a certain degree of allowance when it comes to twisting canon characterization for content, because you're the content creator, its in your hands and cmon-

but especially with royal i think akechi's serious edge "won over a lot of people" who can now respect him for how he approached refusing the dream world, i think thats something they can understand and appreciate - ESPECIALLY when a lot of ppl's beef with vanilla akechi was "daddy doesnt love me boo hoo" which is a GROSS misunderstanding/simplification of his EXTREMELY complex character, which was barely covered or etc bc of vanilla's horrid writing -- over all! its not JUST him - BUT, royal provided such a good opportunity to show off akechi's character, through giving him more screentime and VERY IMPORTANTLY: Plot Relevance like how, say mementos mission shows off joker's need to be helpful bc hes a deep-feeling person, or scramble showing off haru and makoto and the other thieves by drawing them against the new characters to compare and contrast and give them Time to BE, - royal gave akechi time to recover from the frankly AWFUL vanilla narrative decision to shoot and shove him off like chopped liver and never mention him again, so that many ppl's impression of akechi goro was of an incomprehensible, annoying character who blew up and then acted like he dont knowww know bodaay haghnaghnahgna

i joke but SERIOUSLY a bad first AND last impression, REALLY...

ahh. im just surprised !! every time someone says they like him or that they disliked him earlier but dont post-royal or etc etc it always takes me by surprise even after all this time !! it makes me very happy -though even as i focus on how happy i am that people like his character, even streamers talking about his ass (what ass... ... cindy thats bone) or etc- i shouldnt, but i still count it as a sort of win because my standards are so low ;-;.. i dont like sexualizing characters (of any gender or sexuality, dont worry ^-^'') but the point of it all is that the amount of stannery is .. stunning i think, from all ends of the fandom, when i think about how nervous vanilla felt to me. if im wording this all right.

-- that being said. obviously there are ppl who still dont like him, VEHEMENTLY, and everyone gets so passionate about him and everything that tension and fights erupt very very quickly - it makes me wonder what about royal didnt hit with them, but hit with other people, in a Genuinely Curious kind of way. not that im not suuper passionate about goroboying, because, i am !! royal makes me very happy and i stay out of fights as best as i can because i know, ACUTELY, how PAINFUL it is to have a hyperfixation broken. nauseous furious shaking heart aching - its heartbreak !! i'd rather die before i inflicted a pain like that on someone. + id rather remember something for the love i felt for it than the harm.

(though while i'm here, people who were in the "# p5r spoilers" tag remember what happened a little while ago shortly after royal jpn came out , though that's for a whole other post about the fascinating history/sociology of that particular event, 👁✨)

- its not about me having to choose between a lesser of two evils. thats not my point

no matter how intensely my heart is in it, i want to be able to say that you can feel how you feel about characters, though any misinformation sits badly with me in hyperfixation hell. funnily enough, while back on the topic of Agency, which goro is in some dire need of - which may be the root of why so many femme-presenting folk or lesbians are fond of him, + respecting women + sex workers + etc GORO AKECHI CAN BE SOMEONE SO PERSONAL ACTUALLY-

* - oh, backreading my own post - i didnt mean to specify redditors as if they're the only ppl i'm talking about, but it was the first to come to mind ; i'm just thinking a lot about how it seems like people really like the light royal was able to display him in, both as a delightfully entertaining UNHINGED EDGELORD and a very focused, goal-oriented, respectable ally, to the point that people are MUCH more open about how much they love him nowadays, which does bring me no end of joy - its no surprise that the new appreciation, as well as atlus ... highlighting ..... aspects ...... of blask ...... and the new content, of course the fandom treats him like this, - thats fandom. this is how people do i suppose. from a witness' viewpoint. hdngngm

i see all i know all 👁 i will keep all of my opinions right here and then one day i will die. but. i'll be honest. despite everything. im actually really happy.

#don't mind me #persona 5 #p5r spoilers #i mean to post more here ! the app is just slow and saddening #oops! left out 5 tweets. edited in now

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captain-jinguji · 4 years

Text

Sorry it took so long @yumi-yuka-yuki but I FINALLY finished Syo's :)

SYO KURUSU YANDERE ALPHABET

Affection: How do they show their love and affection? How intense would it get?

Syo would show his affection by quite literally throwing himself at his darling. Gifts and surprises would also be a huge thing for him, especially if he senses his darling's discomfort. Other than that, hes actually more "chill" with affection and not super intense, unlike some others.

Blood: How messy are they willing to get when it comes to their darling?

Has come home bloody before, will do it again. If theres anything that stands in his and his darling's way, consider that person and or thing eliminated. Permanently. Of course, he knows it shocks his darling but he tries to reason with that that it was for their own safety. Sometimes that's believable, most times it's just plain scary.

Cruelty: How would they treat their darling once abducted? Would they mock them?

Oh yes he would mock them, ESPECIALLY if theyve been ~unappreciative~ of his efforts. As long as they try to "understand" him though, he will try to "understand" them. Or. At least that's what he makes them think.

Darling: Aside from abduction, would they do anything against their darling’s will?

Surprisingly, he would actually not force himself onto them, at least at first. He tries to understand that this is new for his darling (and him!!!) And that they both just need time to cope. He does, at some point, tend to publicly humiliate them, both sexually and not, just to ensure that no one else wants them and or tries to take them from him. He's a very MINE type of yandere that takes it to extremes.

Exposed: How much of their heart do they bare to their darling? How vulnerable are they when it comes to their darling?

He WANTS to be vulnerable, he really does. He wants to be their hero and have them love him unconditionally and he knows that there needs to be a certain amount of vulnerability on his part in order for that to happen,BUT the more his darling defies him or betrays him, the less open he is.

Fight: How would they feel if their darling fought back?

He would get mad and fight them. Physical fights between him and his darling are not uncommon but he always stops and just cradles them up in his arms, holding them tight even as they push against him and scream into his ear. Afterall, he has to be there for his darling, has to be the protector.

Game: Is this a game to them? How much would they enjoy watching their darling try to escape?

This is not a game. I repeat this is NOT a game. You are HIS and HIS alone and he will do ANYTHING to make that known. Dont even try to escape him because he will not play that route.

Hell: What would be their darling’s worst experience with them?

He has beaten them unconscious before. That split moment when he didn't know whether or not his darling was still alive send him almost passing out himself. How could he let this happen? He was so shocked at his own actions that he vowed to never let it get this far again, and though he still tends to get physical at times, he doesnt take it to these extremes.

Ideals: What kind of future do they have in mind for/with their darling?

He wants a family with his darling. Something that secures them to him for life; something that truly makes them unable to escape. Children are the perfect way to do that.

Jealousy: Do they get jealous? Do they lash out or find a way to cope?

You can just walk down the same street as his darling and he gets jealous. He's one of the worst ones, too, and will go to great lengths just to prove that his darling belongs to HIM.

Kisses: How do they act around or with their darling?

Very confident and bold. He wants his darling to know that he CAN and WILL protect them from anyone and thing and that they dont have to worry about anything; leave it up to him. All of this sounds cute until they figure out what lies beneath the mask.

Love letters: How would they go about courting or approaching their darling?

He becomes friends with them first. It all seemed normal you know, a friendship turned romance. Shy and cute, but then it turned sour and now they cant escape the bitter taste that will forever be settled on their tongue.

Mask: Are their true colors drastically different from the way they act around everyone else?

Kind of but kind of not. Syo has always been very bold, very daring, very dangerous. It just never occurred to anyone of how BAD it could get.

Naughty: How would they punish their darling?

Humiliation and beatings are his main ways. More so humiliation. Whether that be (very) public sex, leaking of personal information, or dark pranks. Humiliation is his favorite form of punishments.

Oppression: How many rights would they take away from their darling?

Much like Cecil, his darling won't have many rights either. They are to be with him at all times and report to him whenever he asks for it. Almost becomes like a military commander.

Patience: How patient are they with their darling?

He has absolutely no patience. Sure he tries to "understand" but there's no excuse for them to lash out at him or be so ungrateful.

Quit: If their darling dies, leaves, or successfully escapes, would they ever be able to move on?

If they successfully escape from him, he would ask himself what he did wrong before going on a long and extensive search because now he needs answers. He woukd try to "win" his darling back by sweet romancing them which may or may not work. If his darling dies, he would most likely also die. Whether that be by his own two hands or from going into a shock and his heart giving out.

Regret: Would they ever feel guilty about abducting their darling? Would they ever let their darling go?

Meh. He sees it as a "hero saves princess from world" kind of scenario not that he actually kidnapped and tortured a human being. He might feel guilt for some actions, but he won't feel guilty for wanting to be with his darling.

Stigma: What brought about this side of them (childhood, curiosity, etc)?

I dont think anything in particular brought it on. Its more like a darker side if him that he always had that was successfully unlocked when he met his darling. Almost like they were the key to the lock.

Tears: How do they feel about seeing their darling scream, cry, and/or isolate themselves?

It quite honestly breaks his heart when his darling is genuinely unhappy, it just never occurs to him that he's the reason, so he goes and destroys everything/one else instead so his darling can be happy again.

Unique: Would they do anything different from the classic yandere?

Not really hes pretty spot on with the classic yandere.

Vice: What weakness can their darling exploit in order to escape?

Definitely his heart condition. If he gets riled up enough he has to sit down and take breaks because his heart will give out otherwise and thats their chance to escape. Get him angry, violent, and breathing with fire, and theres a good chance his heart might give out.

Wit’s end: Would they ever hurt their darling?

Yes and has done it before. He does feel bad for some of the extremes but every action has a consequence.

Xoanon: How much would they revere or worship their darling? To what length would they go to win their darling over?

Once his eyes are set on someone, that's it. Theyre like a prize to him and by any means necessary. He will win that prize.

Yearn: How long do they pine after their darling before they snap?

Not very long. He's very "heroic" from the beginning on so the minute his darling doesnt appreciate his heroism toward them, he snaps.

Zenith: Would they ever break their darling?

Its not that he wants to break them, its just things would be so much easier if he did. Depends on how free willed and determined his darling is.

#uta no prince sama #uta no prince shining live #utapri starish stillnotsorry #starish #quartet night #utanoprincesama #utapri headcanons #kurusu syo #utapri syo #yandere alphabet #yandere

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skyphile · 4 years

Note

prime numbers! ((emberoops))

Does your character have siblings or family members in their age group? Which one are they closest with?

THIS IS SO SAD BUT NO...... he would DIE for a sibling, and his parents dont have siblings either so he doesnt even have cousins,,, he longs for that kind of relationship so much??

he ended up projecting being a big brother to many people over the course of his life instead, and it embarrasses him so much when he notices it happening, it makes him feel so silly

i would say the biggest tugs of that kind of dynamic rn are maybe with colin especially with all the dumb fake animosity, while adrien is almost a legit Parental/mother hen feeling of being protective of him

What is/was your character’s relationship with their mother like?

ive talked about this a bit before, but graham was the product of an arranged marriage. his grandfather made his dad marry a woman from a prestigious family so they could keep their popularity and prestige and important connections themselves, especially as immigrants in a very racist country

his parents ended up caring deeply for one another, but not in a romantic way, and his mother was extremely depressed and anxious throughout her pregnancy, and after graham was born. she was nearly suicidal and grahams grandfather was only making things worse, so it was grahams dad who basically. decided to say fuck it to his father, bring grahams mother somewhere safe, give her all the money and resources and protection she needed to get better and pursue her own life, and he was super attached to baby graham and wanted to raise him all by himself

this early turmoil traumatized graham and when he grew up it was something that made him feel othered in relation to his peers, in addition to his race, his culture, his budding gender identity and sexual & romantic orientations. it made him feel deeply unloveable, broken, and incapable of love himself, it was one of the things that made him grow up very wary of the concept of marriage, and it took a lot of vulnerability, respect and genuine care and hard work between him and his dad to understand that the circumstances of his birth were not his fault, and that this was the best solution for everyone to be able to experience their love for each other the best way possible

graham has met her several times, writes to her regularly, and he treats her like a dear friend rather than a parent. hes happy for her, her art degrees, her girlfriend, and in turn shes expressed a lot of pride and joy in getting to meet this boy she helped bring to the world

What is/was your character’s relationship with their father like?

graham loves his dad to fucking pieces

hes such a humble, emotionally intelligent and caring man, who from early on caught onto all the outdated and damaging aspects of the traditions of his family and fought against it time after time after time

he is completely different from his own father, who had very specific plans for him, and he just foiled them all!

with grahams birth, he did the best he could raising him by himself, thwarting his fathers enduring influence, and making sure this kid had all the tools to be true to himself and follow his heart no matter what. he isnt perfect and of course he made many mistakes, but he is always humble enough to admit when hes wrong, apologize to his child, communicate his feelings and figure out solutions together. graham has always had an amazing role model in him

the circumstances of grahams disappearance and then return after the trials of his own jumanji esque adventure are still difficult for him to understand, but he still believed graham, and he was the biggest force in bringing his son back from his damaging self isolation and motivate him to cook, to live, to carry on

he still remains ever supporting and adoring of his child, adoring of his new child in law, and just an all around amazing dude

On an average day, what can be found in your character’s pockets?

what pockets....

Does your character have recurring themes in their nightmares?

if theyre not horror movie or game induced, then theyre related to his period of isolation, to being trapped in an endlessly dark, silent, quiet cold place

he may see himself as he was when that happened too, close to starvation, hollow and alone

In what situation was your character the most afraid they’ve ever been?

during the time they were in their own jumanji esque adventure, completely by himself, unaided, trapped in some reality away from his own so he could put it together and slowly solve this lock puzzle until he got to come home again

Is your character bothered by the sight of blood? If so, in what way?

hes usually ok with handling himself with crises, even when theres a lot of blood

What was your character’s favorite toy as a child?

bunnies! lots of sweet stuffies, including rabbits, pokemon and marine creatures

his gameboy and his tamagotchi too

What is your character’s biggest relationship flaw? Has this flaw destroyed relationships for them before?

i would say his biiiiiiig repulsion/aversion to dating culture in general? this is related to his family history but is also a big consequence of his aromanticism

he has huge trouble understanding all the rituals of people jumping into commitments and weird expectations and fleeting obsessions when most of the time they dont even have a solid foundation of time, vulnerability and trust to even call themselves a good friendship, especially in people who he sees jump into the same pitfalls over and over?

ultimately he understands that his own circumstances are important differences in how people shape their relationships, but it still makes him extremely secondhand anxious, especially because in his experience as an observer rushed things and pushed expectations make for very volatile and intense disappointments that end up hurting him a lot too, and hes kinda very tired of that

nonetheless, this has made him grow distant of friends in the past, and while he regrets some of it and wishes it was easier to compromise and be more comfortable about it, he also knows that he was right about many situations and ultimately it was a better idea not to get involved and trust his gut

What does your character dislike in other people?

nonsensical violence, general assholery, unwillingness to listen, lack of consideration for others, being treated as someone useful for stuff he knows or tools he has or things he can give and then being discarded, he also feels very peeved when people sexualize him when hes talked about his nudity before and how it relates with growing comfort with his self image

What did your character dream of being or doing as a child? Did that dream come true?

i would say so, yes!! working on video games, pro cuddling and cooking for others are definitely pinnacles of things hes always thought would bring others joy

Describe a scenario in which your character feels most comfortable.

home... close to kes, taking a deep breath in their little home, with their little family, and feeling wholly, intrinsically belonging...

similar locations are for example when his dad throws a party and graham gets to invite all his best friends and everyone just has a lovely time laughing and eating together. game streams are a similar venture too!!

but at the end of the day, coming home, kicking off shoes and clothes, snuggling up to his starlight and their babies? pure bliss

Is your character more concerned with defending their honor, or protecting their status?

i still dont understand what this means,,,,

he does not have honor OR status SOBS

Does your character feel that they deserve to have what they want, whether it be material or abstract, or do they feel they must earn it first?

oh it is a constant cycle of tremendous happiness and having to pinch himself bc hes so scared hes still in the silent cold dark alone... hes always trying to do better to keep earning this. hes a bit better about it now, he understand ppl are here bc they want to, but yknow. brain trauma still does things sometimes.

Has your character ever had a dependent figure who was not related to them?

nope! but his dad moods are soooo big now. he just wants to protect kids and be a good influence...

#ooc #headcanon #HERE WE GO....#suicide ideation #mothers ment #fathers ment #parents ment #unreality #Anonymous

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salfordiansiren · 4 years

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Interview Questions for Ren Harvieu, God is in the TV ‘In Conversation with…’article

We do like to ask some ‘off-the-wall’ questions, also some slightly tongue-in-cheek and left-field ones not connected to the music business at all. There are also a few multiple questions and I’ve mixed them up a bit so that the subjects keep changing. Many of them are open-ended, giving you the opportunity to be as verbose as you wish. Please ignore any question you do not wish to answer.

Hi Lauren, my name is David Bentley, I write for a UK-based e-zine God is in the TV (GIITTV).

The objective of this interview, which will be published in GIITTV within a week of receiving your responses, is to introduce you to a new audience in the UK and abroad and to promote your forth on ming album.

The interview will also feature some embedded videos and/or audio unless you ask us not to do that.

There will be an ‘introduction’ to the interview but that will be written after its completion.

Thanks for agreeing to take part.

So, here we go…

Hi Lauren, thanks for joining us today. How are you?

I’m in a great mood today thanks. I had foot surgery last week and so I cant leave the house or really move for 6 weeks but I feel strangely calm about the whole thing, I dont mind bein

For the benefit of readers who may not be familiar with you, how would you describe yourself as an artist, in a paragraph?

You have released two singles, ‘Teenage Mascara’ and just now ‘Yes, Please’ from your second album, ‘Revel in the Drama’ which is scheduled for next April and the first one was well received by broadcasting ‘tastemakers’. How does the album differ from the first one, ‘Through the Night?’

The difference between Revel In The Drama and Through The Night is that this is a much more personal album. I spent the last couple of years honing my songwriting craft and these lyrics have come straight from my gothic salfordian brain. Its darker, more intense, stranger but still has the beauty of Through The Night. I think both albums sit nicely together.

Since 2015 you’ve been co-writing with Romeo Stodart of the Magic Numbers and he appeared on stage with you at your recent concerts. Will that relationship continue? Do you prefer to control the songwriting process yourself, or are you content to work with other music or lyric writer(s) into the future? If the latter, who has the final say?

I’ll keep writing with romeo till I die if he wants to. He’s the best of the best, and he understands me. I never really felt understood as an artist till I met him. I feel so comfortable in his presence that I let it allllll out, not just the versions of me t

You signed with Universal, a huge corporation, as a 17-year old. Is that too young, or are there any benefits in being ‘bloodied’ in the industry at such a tender age?

I think I was too young, although Universal were great that wasn’t the problem. But there was a lot going on behind the scenes that I was dealing with. I wasn’t a show biz kid from a showbiz family and I had real problems that seemed bigger than singing about about being dumped by some boy. I felt too young and overwhelmed but also too streetwise and smart for it all. It was a confusing time.

They say that everything happens for a reason. In 2011 you suffered a life-changing event, just as your debut album was about to be released, and one which set you back several years. Eight years on do you think the dreadful accident in which you broke your back has had any positive repercussions?

I think there had been positive repercussions,I dont think I would have started writing if it wasn’t for the accident. I dont

What attracted you to signing with Bella Union for your new album?

Well

Do you have any role models in the music business? A hero or heroine? Anyone you would enjoy being “mentioned in the same breath” with? (Dusty Springfield comes to mind, also perhaps Shirley Bassey).

I really admire Fiona apple because she does whatever the hell she wants. And her records are stunning, unique and completely un compromising.

You are compared occasionally with Elkie Brooks (I’ve done it myself!), a different kind of singer perhaps but a highly respected one who hails from the same city, and even the same suburb as you. And she’s still performing, in her seventies. Is there anything you feel you can learn from her and, indeed, are you ever in contact with her?

I dont know Elkie personally but I love her shes a legend. Rising Cost Of Love is my jam!

You left Salford and relocated to London a while ago. Do you miss it? How did the move impact on your creativity?

I really miss the north, everything about it but I needed to leave because I was really sad and I knew if i didnt do something soon I was going to slip down the back alleyof my mind and maybe disappear forever. I have memories on every street, bus stops make me emotional. Corner shops where me and my friend would try and get booze in our school, theres just memories everywhere and I needed a clean break. To create some distance so I could write about it

When you’re writing, how do most of your songs start life? A piano part? A chord? A melody? Does inspiration simply come, or do you have to seek it?

I feel inspired everyday by everything. When writing a song I like to visualise it, like a film, frame by frame. Sometimes I move around, dance, put on voices. Romeo will play something off the cuff that’s so beautiful that I’ll just start shouting and laughing and hugging him. Its the closest I get to spirituality. Writing wise, I want the narrative to have as much depth as possible, I want to feel something and I feel it is my duty to give the emotion and the stories the respect they deserve. I take it very seriously.

Do you see yourself as a live artist, or a recording artist, or both?

I see myself as both. I get to appease the introvert in me by being in the studio and attend to the outrovert by playing live.

How would you personally measure ‘success’? By ‘breaking’ America? Or something more modest?

Success to me would mean I get to create and perform music for all time and make a living on it. Success to me would mean that people are touched and moved by my music. I would love to be a voice to someone that can comfort them, just as say Rufus Wainwirght was to me when I was a depressed 14 year old. I’m not doing this just to stroke my own fragile ego, I genuinely want to reach o

When I saw your show at the Deaf Institute in Manchester recently, in one song (I think it was ‘Cruel Disguise’), you reached and sustained a note that convinced me and those in my company that you could probably tackle opera singing. Do you have any ambitions to perform in that or any other genre?

I would love to learn opera. I think

Back in 2012, while you were recovering, you performed several James Bond film theme tunes with the BBC Philharmonic Orchestra, including ‘You only live twice’ and ‘Nobody does it better’, both of which arguably could be applied to you. Do you picture yourself as a ‘Bond girl’ in the sense of recording the theme to a future movie, or do you even have any acting ambitions to actually play such a role? After all, the new album is constructed so that you can “revel in the drama of my life” as you say. (Incidentally, a female friend of mine – also from Salford – commented that you look like a 1950s Hollywood movie star).

Tell your friend I said thanks a lot! I would love to sing a Bond theme, I feel like it could happe

Acting wise I’m open to it, why not?

I saw one of your Christmas Special shows at the Soup Kitchen in Manchester in 2015. During the show you told a story about how a school choirmaster prevented you joining a musical assembly on four occasions for no better reason than that there was something about you that he didn’t like. Your rejoinder to that was “Well, fuck him” and of course you soon went on to release demos on MySpace which were picked up by a local manager and sent on to Amy Winehouse’s producer. The rest is history. A new song, ‘Little Raven’ was written cathartically as one to your younger self when you had no label and didn’t know if it would ever be recorded. What advice would you give to young people who find doors being slammed in their face as that schoolmaster did to you?

If anyone is picking you, school teachers, other kids, parents, anyone i would say to

If schoolmasters are singling you out and picking on you, its probably because your different and they cant stand

What touring plans do you have to support the release of the new album?

We are organising a tour right now around the UK, quite a big one its really exciting. I also cant wait to tour outside of England, I’ve never done that.

If you weren’t a musician what would you be? Do you ever aspire to being ‘something else’ entirely (model, politician, footballer, train driver…?!)

I think I’d try and be a fiction writer. I love books and stories and characters. I heard Donna Tartt say something life ‘as much fun as it is to read a book, writing one is one level deeper’ There’s something about losing myself into another world entirely that really appeals to me.

The environment. Whose viewpoint are you closest to? Donald Trump or Greta Thunberg?

Greta or course.

United or City?

United

Coronation Street or EastEnders?

Corrie

Thanks again and good luck with the album and your future career.

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thosekidswhohuntmonsters · 6 years

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Eve of Destruction

Summary: Everyone has a past, some more honorable than others. After a mission gone wrong, Bucky has no choice but to visit one of the darkest parts of his, the only glimmer of hope being you….if only you can forgive him after all this time..

Word Count: 2038

Song Pairing: Eve of Destruction- Berry McGuire

Authors note: This will be a mini-series so if you want to be tagged just comment below!

**if you comment or reblog my fics theres now a 110% chance I’d die for you**

You pulled out your dagger from the body laying at your feet, “Oh fuck me”. Cleaning your favorite weapon you rubbed it against your leg, the blood not showing against your black pants. Bucky continued to hold Steve up, “Doll I had too-”.

“Don’t doll me Barnes, it’s been five years. You really think bringing pretty boy here is a good idea?”.

Sam began to get a little ancy, knowing that Steve wouldn’t be able to hold on much longer. He parted his lips to speak but Bucky narrowed his eyes, silenting telling him to not make this any worse.

Bucky sighed, “Look, you want his blood on your hands? You know what he means to me (y/n)”. Looking up at the sky you groaned, knowing that this was a bad idea but you had too.

You began, “Within two seconds of you being here someone’s already tried to challenge you, and if I hadn’t been here to take em out it would’ve been your ass on the floor”.

For affect you nudged the dead body at your feet, hoping it would remind Bucky of the severity of this entire situation. He tried to answer but you continued, “You’re lucky nostalgia is a bitch..follow me and don’t say anything until we’re in my room okay?”.

Bucky nodded his head, and after you turned around he smirked. Under his breath Sam said, “If you’re wrong about this place, I’ll make sure it is your ass on the floor”. Taking a step toward he helped carry Steve, easing the weight.

The three of them were currently on a secret mission, Steve abandoning the title of Captain America and all its’ restrictions, and finally doing some dirty work. Following up on an old hydra lead from Bucky’s past had lead them here.

Hecate’s Crossroads. A safe haven for mercenaries and criminals alike, a sort of playground for the worst of the worst. In Greek mythology Hecate was a shapeshifter goddess of dark and forbade forces, it seemed only fit to name the place after her.

It hid in plain sight, what appeared to be a hotel to most was actually an oasis for those who lived on the darker side of life. It had been a second home to Bucky when he was the winter soldier, which was how he knew to bring an extremely injured Steve here.

The men followed behind you, watching you type in your six digit code to leave the back alley and enter the building, and then another four digit code to enter the elevator and go to your correct floor and room.

Sam had thought he’d seen it all, but everything he was witnessing now was completely new to him. There were your classic goons and thugs, drug pushers and dealers, but there were also people with super abilities.

If Steve hadn’t been going in and out of consciousness he would’ve been just as shocked and intrigued. After what seemed like the hundreth code the men finally entered your room, Sam shocked once again to see how nice it was.

“Do I even wanna know how you pay for this?”. The men hoisted Steve onto your huge marble kitchen countertop, an almost makeshift operating table. While beginning to get to work you teased, “Hmm let’s pretend I get paid a $100 for every confirmed kill”.

After seeing the look in Sam’s eyes while trying to do that math Bucky intervened, “She’s kidding Sam”. Sam calmed down for a moment until he watched you silently mouth “no I’m not”. He sighed and instead chose to focus on Steve.

As you rolled up your sleeves Bucky opened multiple cabinets getting various herbs and crystals, this wasn’t the first time you’d both done this. He laid them around and on top of Steve, hitting all the right areas.

You rolled your head in a circle and cracked various bones, prepping your body for what you were about to do. After closing your eyes you told Bucky, “You owe me big time James”. That was the first time Sam had ever heard anyone called Bucky by his real name, not even Steve did it.

Unfazed Bucky nodded his head and let you get to work. As you slowly began to repeat an incantation various patterns appeared on your skin and began to glow a vibrant blue. Sam marveled as he watched the same patterns appear on Steve.

The longer you spoke the more vibrant the colors became, and they also grew and expanded. Within no time Steve’s entire body was glowing, and so was yours. Bucky smiled as he looked at Sam and how amazed he was.

Bringing your hands closer together you moved your fingers, a now navy ball of energy forming between your palms. Looking to Steve again Sam saw that same ball of energy surround Steve’s heart before almost exploding and reaching every inch of Steve’s skin as it disappeared.

The room fell silent as Steve began to wake up, his eyes glowing an intense dark blue for a moment. Abruptly he sat up, just as shocked as Sam when he realized he didn’t need any recovery time.

You weren’t just any normal human, you were half terran and half something else. You didn’t know much about your mother, but your father hadn’t been lying when he’d said she’d been special.

She’d given you your powers; they were almost like a ying and yang kinda thing. You had the ability to heal just about anyone or anything, but that could just as easily shift as to inflicting an umberable amount of pain.

You past hadn’t been perfect, especially when people realized how much damage you could cause, so you refrained from using them as much as you could.

“All fixed, now get pretty boy out of here before anyone else realizes you’re back James”. Following the sound of your voice Steve turned toward you, not only wondering who the hell you were but why you’d just called Bucky by his real name.

The sound of the door beginning to unlock made everyone tense up, and once again you reached for your dagger. Quickly Steve got off of the counter and took his fighting stance between Bucky and Sam.

The door crashed open, “Honeybuns I’m home- holy fuck you didn’t tell daddypool you were bringing home America’s sweetheart and his emo boyfriend! I would’ve freshened up”. Everyone eased up when they realized it was only Wade.

Pulling off his mask Wade moaned, “God sometimes it feels like I’m trapped inside a big red condom..I know safe sex is great sex..but I’d rather let life fuck my raw”. Sighing in annoyance you left the kitchen and joined him.

“It looks like it already has”. Wade threw the nearest pillow at you, hoping to stop your laughter. He narrowed his eyes, “Laugh all you want, but I know I’m totally in your clit-flicks”.

“Did you just try to do the female version of spank-bank..what is wrong with you?”. After answering with pretty much everything, Wade jumped up from the couch and entered the kitchen.

Like a complete animal he started to rummage through the cabinets looking for food. After stuffing his mouth as soon as he could he pointed to the countertop, “I see you’ve started the virgin sacrifice without me”.

Sam genuinely laughed for the first time all day, loving the insinuation that Steve was still a virgin. You turned to Steve, “It’s nice to meet you but like I said, you guys can’t be here”.

Steve didn’t even know where here was, and as he looked to Bucky he saw an almost shameful look on his face. Sam was sold, “I’d like to listen to the scary lady, let’s go before the lights go off and we wake up without kidneys”.

“Don’t worry Tweety, we go straight for the heart around here because it’s worth the big bucks”. Wade finished his sentence with a smile before stuffing his mouth again. Bucky took a step forward, “We’ll be on our way doll, thank you”.

You didn’t know why, but you felt a pang of regret after hearing him say those words. He looked at you solemnly, and you wondered if he’d felt the same way you had. You’d both be lying if you said the first time he’d left had gone smoothly.

Before anyone could say anything, you heard the worst sound anyone could hear in Hecate’s Crossroads, the lockdown alarms sounded throughout the entire building. Knowing what that meant Bucky immediately tensed up.

“James what did I tell you? Now we’re all stuck here until he decides we can go”.

Looking around the room metal suddenly surrounded all the windows and exits, literally locking you in the building. It was part of the protocol, someone would press a button and all exits would be blocked off.

Steve grew impatient hearing you call Bucky by his real name, it wasn’t that he was jealous it was that you obviously meant something to Bucky and he’d had no idea who you were. Wade put his mask back on, “You went and pissed of the big guy, even I don’t wanna poke that bear”.

“Buck, you need to start talking”. As Bucky looked to Steve he was filled with guilt. Bucky knew that this was a huge secret to keep, but right now he couldn’t tell Steve everything. You stepped forward, “No. We all need to get suited up and find out what he wants”.

Steve’s annoyance was more visible, “Who”. Steve continued to hold Bucky’s gaze, surprised to see his friends entire expression change. Bucky opened the cabinets under the sink, happy to see that’s still where you’d stocked your weapons.

“Titan”, Bucky answered while cocking his old favorite gun that you’d somehow kept all these years. The fact that it was just a one word answer scared both Steve and Sam, as if solely his name explained how dangerous this all was.

Wade laughed almost insanely, “Oh you think we’re bad news? That guy makes Hitler look like as intimidating as one of the fucking teletubbies…Laa-Laa though not Tinky-Winky because he’s seen some shit you know?”.

Slapping Wade behind the head got him to shut right up. Steve put his emotions aside, “So, what’s the plan”. Suddenly everyone in the room looked to you, making you look up at the sky and curse again.

There was another announcement that sounded through the entire intercom, Steve thankful that all you swears were now muffled. The voice was Titan himself, something that rarely happened.

It appears someone has brought Captain America here, and no one is leaving until we find his star-spangled ass and see if he really bleeds red, white, and blue. The doors of your rooms will unlock in five, which means his ass better be brought to the penthouse in ten.

It was like you’d asked the universe if things could get any worse, and it was doing it’s best to show you they could. Titan’s announcement would result in nearly every goon hunting down Steve, and you.

Before anyone could say anything Bucky held your gaze, for a moment acting as if it was just the two of you. His expression was soft, “I promise I won’t let you lose control, I won’t leave this-”.

If you let him continue his sentence you would’ve started crying. You needed to fight all the memories that were trying to resurface, “Let’s just promise to all make it out alive”. It wasn’t much, but Bucky knew it was the best you could do.

It was more than you owed him really, given everything he’d done it was a miracle you’d even helped Steve for him. Wade looked down at his adventure time watch, “We can save the longing glances and eye-sex for a later date, we got four minutes until this turns into a real life game of saw”.

You nodded your head, daring not to even look at Bucky right now because all the emotions running through you. You’d been right, nastologia was a bitch and it was making you realize that maybe you’d never stopped loving Bucky to begin with…

——————————————————————

Tags: @lovelyttom @mizz-kraziii @dolphinpink310 @potterwolf16 @blackirisposts @darkmystress00 @esoltis280 @msvega24 @destielinamoose @jade-taillia @courtneychicken @thisisbullshytt @lipstick-kami@sonofadeanwinchester @buckysmusculararm @capandors @omghelenabonhambae @sincerelydorky @cravingmustard @mister-doctor-john-waton @princess-yuna @xinyourdreamsx @sarahp879 @pandawolfunicorn @heartbreaker6995 @alice-in-arkhamasylum @actuallyivar @slywinterpilot @regularmenace @onlystylesangels @spn-marvel-nerd @redshenanigator @badsongwinchester @anon122010ns @greenpugmire @savemefromanepicoftimewasted @skulliebythesea @lokilover-girl @drunkoncommunism @all-fandomthings @itishebihime-samaforyou @lost——girl @ptoridactyl

*a line through your name means it won’t allow me to tag you*

#Bucky Barnes #bucky imagine #bucky smut #bucky x reader #james barnes #james bucky barnes #sebastian stan #Steve Rogers #steve rogers x reader #chris evans #captain america #sam wilson #anthony mackie #falcon #deadpool #deadpool x reader #wade wilson #ryan reynolds

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woodesmusic · 5 years

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hliw

eve of recording the vocals for my next single & i can’t sleep

so i’m writing it out, mostly with my left hand (and limited apostrophes because that is RHs job)

a spider bit me on my right hand and my wrist swelled up and the antibiotics didn’t work. similar thing happened to me when i was 16 with a centipede, and i was hospitalised for 2.5 weeks. But so far, i’m good.

so yes, the spider. that’s happened this week.

i had an operation and now i have a hole in my wrist. They took out all the bad under the surface and now i have a little cave. Right down. maybe a centimetre. it was like opening a door you arent meant to open

or a curtain at the theatre

the backstage.

it hurt a lot, the operation. But i’m ok! and the infection didn’t get into my wrist. A very good thing. the fridge broke also. maybe it saw my right hand and broke in solidarity. so i tell you this because the living room is quiet, no hum. it’s getting fixed tomorrow maybe.. the landlord says, but our perishables have began to live up to their name.. or die to their name... Tonight alex and i both made super meals out of all the left overs and ate all of them. we both essentially ate 4 servings of food. I think he almost put a full bag of cheese on his nachos. He has a flu so i told him hello enjoy the mucus darling. It was a competition for the best meals. with only my left hand i cut a lot of veggies to make my roast ft mushroom parmas. it took a long time. I used a big knife and a tiny blade. his nachos were ready in 10 minutes. it was hard to judge the best meal with the time difference.

I’m finishing my album and am having a relatively distant relationship with social media. it’s funny, sometimes when people take a break from it i’m like oh ok:) you’ll be back............. we’re:) all:) doomed:). but it’s good. I feel so tethered to the convenience, for me the little recorder, map, camera, & phone in your pocket.. but email, messenger, socials... going to things to be filmed, acounted for, captured, checked in at every place you go. Getting the tags right. Is this worth sharing? can you take another one?

In this time not releasing music i’ve been teaching, mentoring at my old uni (which gives me an immense purpose and a sense of pride, go inner nerd, go) i’ve been reading, i’ve been playing piano, i’ve been more social. I planted a garden in my back yard with herbs and flowers. It was just worn dirt when i moved in and now there are insects and birds. in particular these magpies that help me with the bugs. I’m so happy out there weeding it and planting things. I can’t wait for the tulips to bloom. i feel like it’s a nice meditation. I dont mind if the bugs eat my kale. my hands are too covered in earth to use my phone or get back to someone asap. in autumn we got so many grapes on the vines in our yard. There’s this pergola thing with old grape vines all over it. one of my fondest memories of this year was watching alex picking them in the afternoon with the sun on his back. i stood in the living room looking out at him, soaking it in. watching him try find the best grapes. deep in focus, leaning on things to reach. there were some rainbow lorikeets that moved in too. you could see their little heads burried in the vines. that afternoon light, just being still and slow and soaking it in. We had a weekend of not only no phones but no screens. since i was 17 i have never done that for more than a day. my work is a screen. my phone is always with me. We did 3 whole days, phones with do not disturb on top of the fridge. laptops in the office and it was genuinely sad coming back. i felt this weight and this mood shift. In that time we read cooking books, we played board games, we lit fires. I know part of that nostalgia comes from it being a novelty, but it was so so nice to break. important. obvious. i come on tumblr late in the darkness without the fridge hum just thinking about why im anxious or why i’m here of all places writing about how dumb social media is, but i think getting thoughts out helps. I’ve enjoyed months and months of intensity but no anxiety. A life that is full, but not crushing. A garden. love. a home. just enough stability to keep things interesting. buying groceries and putting them in boxes and doing a weekly shop. Sometimes with doing my art independently the crushing moments really crush. i keep myself in check knowing that im not alone. all small businesses, and all humans feel these things. the song tomorrow is one of the best songs i’ve made, i can feel myself grow as a songwriter, and yet the tone of it reminds me of being 14. guitars. strings. it’s going to be fun to bring to life, live. I’m anxious about the song tomorrow because i want my voice to be strong (so sleep and hydrate) I’m worried i haven’t finalised the words (so record options) Once they’re out of my head it’s better, because it seems like theres a massive list of problems and no solutions otherwise. tomorrow is ok, even if has this little element of the crushing feeling. take some space for you if you haven’t lately. get into the earth and plant something. adrenalin, worry, hope. all ok. for now im off to bed. making the music is one of my very favourite parts. sharing it with you is the other. the new chapter begins. x

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adhdusagi · 5 years

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Princess Tutu episodes 14-end

I watched the entire second half of the series in one day because I make good life choices

Previously on Princess Tutu Watch:

Okay I can get back to Tokyo Mew Mew now

+++++++++++++++++++

It was a lie, I could NOT

EPISODE, UH, FUCK……… 14! - The Raven

asdklsdhflhdl (google docs stop capitalizing my keysmashes) they’re bringing back “once upon a time there was a man who died”!!!!!! Honestly that might be one of my favorite lines in this whole show

Gotta love the sarcasm in “and they lived happily ever after”

The theme song…… it’s so good

Oh nooooooooooooooo

This scene is literally just the “I’ve got a headache that comes and goes” meme

Fakir you complete dork. You’re all dorks

“Princess Tutu and a crocodile are totally different” you tell ‘im, Mytho

Duck speaks so much more regularly than the other main characters? I mean, there’s Fakir over there like “Shall we go?” and Duck saying things like “I’m gonna be late!” and using “like” and “stuff”... I mean, I know this is the dub, but

Duck why are you using Fakir’s dumb excuses omg

Lilie is just the personification of my negative thoughts

BUT WHAT DID MYTHO TELL FAKIR

Awwwwwwww Duck, no

They’re in a terrifying Raven Dimension with like, ominous music and people wailing in the background and meanwhile Kraehe and the Raven are just having like, a normal conversation

Also, are the white feathers supposed to be like, what’s trapping the Raven there?

Duck please

Wait, Princess Tutu transformed on her own!

Episode 15 - Coppelia

Also, watching Fakir try and fail to stop Mytho from jumping out the window is Pain

Lilie you are a Strange Child

STEALTH DUCK RETURNS!

Oh no?? Fakir doesn’t want to get Mytho in trouble???

alsdfksfh the entire student population is Here For The Drama

Duck don’t yell in the library

Fakir just doesn’t make good decisions

Oooh that doesn’t look good

Sad Kraehe Theme Alert

You “just happened” to do a lot of things, Lilie

Omg Lilie “Want to just happen to go see?”

Rue just shows up to trash talk Fakir for a minute and then leaves

I say as if I’m not in So Much Pain

Yeah! Every single time Princess Tutu transformed in the first season, it was because Drosselmeyer said something, but now she’s transforming on her own!

Oh no Mytho

Also I like how Tutu doesn’t just flat-out say “you don’t actually love him” and instead is just like “how about you try doing things you enjoy with the guy you like instead of giving him Your Actual Heart”

Episode 16 - The Maiden’s Prayer

Wait is Angry Narrator back or did the other narrator just regain the heart shard of Withering Scorn?

Lilie isn’t even interested in the love triangle, she just wants Duck and Pike to fight

Is that Goatette

“So pretty…. What? Oh yeah I meant the flowers of course haha” Duck

Such a serious child

“Love only me, hate everyone else”/“The prince who loves me and me alone”

This child is amazing

It was such a good decision to give Fakir a little sister. A good decision for everyone involved

aslfsdjhklgdlghdjghfdklkdkalh Kraehe told him that Duck would suffer if she knew what was happening with Mytho so Fakir isn’t going to tell herrrrrrrrrr Fakir please don’t internalize that!! You are breaking my heart sir

Oh my god it wasn’t Goatette it was the sloth

*The Can Can plays loudly over a sloth just kinda hangin out*

Episode 17 - Crime and Punishment

This may or may not have been the last episode I watched the first time I watched this show?

“Eyes of truth” huh?

This dumbass child

Femio, from the other side of the school grounds: “DID SOMEBODY SAY ‘PRINCE’????”

What the Fuck are you doing with your hands, kid

Why are you a cow

Honestly as over-the-top as Femio is he is also simultaneously the most realistic middle-schooler in this entire show

Oh my god he’s on probation

I’m sorry I’m just talking about Femio but he’s hilarious

Truly a Grade A Idiot

What is he even doing with his life

I’ve become Lilie

These characters have emotional crises over people saying the stupidest things and tbh I relate to that

Oh dear!

The thing is, Femio would be really annoying in real life, but in a tv show he’s just amusing

Rue’s FACE, she’s so done

I like how Duck can tell which building Rue’s in just by the amount of crows around it

Tbh all the students probably have noticed what’s going on, they just think it’s some kind of weird performance art thing. Wouldn’t be out of character for this school

Fakir and Uzura really are siblings, I love this

The best part about this episode is it’s this completely ridiculous person unintentionally getting in the middle of everybody’s emotional issues

“I feel kinda like something happened, and kinda like it didn’t” Duck you are absolutely correct

And of course the Aquarium is good once again

Episode 18 - The Wandering Knight

Incidentally, how old are these kiddos? We know Mytho is older than Duck, so Fakir and Rue probably are too?? But like, probably only by a year? Who even knows what their actual ages are

I mean, Duck is a duck so

It’s! The trees from the opening!

I don’t know if I’ve asked this before, but why does Fakir have a horse?

Oh my god Lilie

Can everybody STOP picking on Fakir for being afraid to die? He is 14, leave him alone

Ahiru is trying so hard to be helpful, give her a chance Fakir

Once again Rue shows up to get in a burn on Fakir and then leave

I swear every time the Aquarium plays in this show

Oh noooooooo Ruuuuueeeeeeee

Literally Protect All Of These Characters

Save These Children From Their Own Emotional Issues

FAKIR PLEASE

Pride is absolutely the worst feeling Mytho could get back right now?

“There’s something sinister going on that I’m not a part of!” And that really gets to you doesn’t it Dross. I bet it’s really… grinding your gears!!!

(why do I feel so proud of insulting a fictional character)

Episode 19 - A Midsummer Night’s Dream

Wow we really are starting this one off on a sinister note (it’s Drosselmeyer’s revenge on me for that pun)

Of course he can’t tell you, he doesn’t fuckin know what’s going on

Fakir please stop basing your entire identity around being a knight

Oh no, Mytho’s regained the heart shard of Basing Your Entire Identity Around Upholding A Role

I wonder if Hermia being tall is like, a meta Shakespeare joke, cause in the play Helena’s really tall and Hermia’s really short, but in every production I’ve seen it was the other way around

Rue stop projecting your insecurities onto your boyfriend

Ohhhhhhhh dear

Finally someone tells all the crows hanging around to shut up

Oh my god she really is super tall

Or Ahiru’s just super short

I am learning so much about ballet mimes

Cool bird shadows

Whoa, different raven background. And the Raven isn’t speaking with him this time? What does it mean

On no, Tutu

Hahaha oh no

Aaahaha they’re the same

THEY EVEN DO THE SAME ARM-FLAILY THING

Episode 20 - The Forgotten Story

ALRIGHT, TIME FOR THE FAKIR’S SAD BACKSTORY EPISODE

Raetzel: *walks in*

Uzura: And where do you fit in the shipping chart, ma’am

THIS is a High Quality Directatorial Decision

Oh no Duck. oh no she’s so earnest nooooo

It is just Extremely Wrong to see Mytho dancing to something besides Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy

Mr. Cat can hear the word “wedding” from three floors up

Oh my GOD they put broken heart stickers on the window

I mean, I say they but we all know it was Lilie

Again, Duck knows exactly where shit’s going down just because that’s where all the crows are

Oh no!

Everybody needs to stop giving Fakir shit Right Now. Everybody needs to stop thinking it’s a bad thing that Fakir didn’t fucking Die, and that includes Fakir OKAY????

I’ve been thinking… Raven Mytho keeps saying things like “people only want love because they want to be loved” and I wonder… if that was sort of his experience as a prince. Or maybe I’m just getting this mixed up with Utena lol. But it does seem like a genuine issue he has as opposed to just something he says to manipulate people. Hm.

Episode 21 - The Spinners

Every time the narrator says “once upon a time there was a man who died” I Will Flip

Duck tries to lean nonchalantly against a door, it goes about how you’d expect

Duck that’s not how writing works (ughgfjdghskjkgf my pain)

AW NO

Oh no Duck is too relatable

UUAAAAAA TREE GHOST TREE GHOST

“Follow my every order and be prepared to die if you should fail” it’s almost like you WANT me to hate you. FAKIR DOESN’T NEED THIS

See Duck agrees with me

PETITION FOR PEOPLE TO LEAVE FAKIR THE FUCK ALONE THAT MEANS YOU TREE GHOST

Ohshit it’s that old guy from the bookshop???

Uzura is NOT “unrelated”, obviously she is Fakir’s baby sister

“I’m just watching again” oh no Duck

Autor what the Fresh Heck are you doing to Fakir

YOU ARE NOT FINE?????????

Honestly Fakir needs to get in touch with his emotions, not get sleep deprived and hallucinate in a field

This tree is saying things Edel said??? Was Edel made from the wood of this tree?????? Oh my god???????????

Anyway that was Intense

Listen, Raven Mytho has real issues and you can fight me on this

Ah, I see Dross is practicing the time-honored authorial tradition of “If the Story Isn’t Working, Hit It With a Wrench”

Episode 22 - Crown of Stone

But who’s going to protect Fakir huh? Answer me that, Duck

One big-ish happy familyyyyyyyyy

I needed this life advice tbh

Aaaaaah Uzura’s talking to Rue!

“Are you the Rue we’re worried about?” I love how she just included herself in that

Autor, I’m……. not sure you want the tree ghost cult to acknowledge you

Uhm, I’m pretty sure Autor doesn’t fit into the shipping chart and I think Uzura would agree with me

Ah fuck!!! Fakir turn around

Wait it’s an owl on a grandfather clock?? Is that actually a thing? These watchnotes are coming full circle

“I want people to love me, but is it okay to just be loved?” yep, the prince is having issues

Autor, I’m pretty sure Ahiru is figuring all that out right now

And like, the Book Men totally know it too, so

HOLY CRAP THIS SEQUENCE

AND THE MUSIC THE MUSIC IS PERFECT

SKLAFDJKVHFJK;JKLSdf;DSLKJFAKSDAKFJHFKLJJFGKLHGJFHSDLJ

I love this show

EPISODE 23 - Marionette

OH! OH! IT’S THE MUSIC EDEL ALWAYS PLAYED BUT SPED UP! That’s actually kinda creepy!

Anyway now I know why I’m so protective of Fakir, we’re both writers who can’t write anything

Oh noooooooooooo Rue

Oooooooooooh don’t like that

Ruuueeeeeeeeee please don’t stab your boyfriend we’ve been over this

Incidentally, hulu needs to quit it with these bogus commercial placements

Drosselmeyer: How dare you try to resolve your emotional problems!

Dross that’s called character development

Hahahaha joke’s on you Dross!

aaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

I! LOVE! THEM!

No of course your heart is lovey-dovey Uzura! Your heart is the lovey-dovey-est!!!

Incidentally, Autor is That Guy who says just because you haven’t finished/published anything you’re not a Real Writer. And he is Wrong

Episode 24 - The Prince and the Raven

Okay, just from this title I know I won’t be able to handle this

THIS ISN’T EVEN THE PENULTIMATE EPISODE

YOU ARE HITTING ME WITH ONCE UPON A TIME THERE WAS A MAN WHO DIED RIGHT OUT OF THE GATE I CANNOT BELIEVE

Okay but and then this story explains all of Raven Mytho’s emotional issues as well???

*sigh* Autor……. Fakir literally just told you his motivation is to protect people and you’re still going on about controlling the fates of all mankind… are you sure you’re not Drosselmeyer’s direct descendent?

Rue don’t go into the crow building

Honestly I’m still dying over the fact that you can tell where things are happening purely based on which building all the crows are at today

Tiny Rue is breaking my heart

UUUUAAAAAAAAAAAAAA TINY RUE IS DOING BALLET

Omg Rue in the beginner’s class!

Oh noooo Uzura’s saaaaad

I KNOW I’ve heard this songgggggggg

THAT WAS A BIT OF THE FOSSILS FROM CARNIVAL OF THE ANIMALS???

Okayokayokay so it’s not Carnival of the Animals but DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT IS it’s another piece by Saint-Saens and DO YOU KNOW what that piece is called????? fuckin Danse Macabre!!!!! I am immediately filled with a sense of foreboding!!!

The music choices in this show are going to destroy me one day

HOLY CRAP????

I can’t believe so goddamn much happened in this episode???

Episode 25 - The Dying Swan

I’m not rrrrrrrrreadyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

Not even the narrator’s obvious disappointment in Drosselmeyer can give me solace

Oh my god so is the Drosselmeyer we know just a character in Dead Drosselmeyer’s story?

I think it’s a testament to this story’s power that I’m having so many emotions about it even though I know what’s going to happen? Like, some stories, reading the summary is pretty much the same as hearing the story, but Princess Tutu is not one of those stories

Like I just overcame my social anxiety to ask my roommate to be quieter, that’s how good this story is

Aaaaaagh Rue’s change from saying “you love me” to saying “I love you” my HEART

Oh shoot! Mytho’s angry! I thought one of the gate heart shards might be anger

Oh my god Autor literally no one cares what TEA Drosselmeyer drank look at Fakir he’s so done

Aaaaaaaa ohno

EVISCERATE HIM FAKIR

Holyshitholyshitholyshit

Okay but see the lake is outside the city so Dross just took some random normal duck and plunked her down in his fairytale town and that’s why like, a cat teacher seems weird to her because she’s not from inside the story

OH NO THEY’RE PLAYING THE SWAN BUT THIS TIME IT’S RUE

rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr fuck OFFFFFF

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh it’s the sword birds

excUSE you Dross, the knight has NOT “long been useless”

Episode 26 - Finale

I can’t believe after 9 years I’m finally going to finish watching this show

Okay it’s happening

It begins and ends with “once upon a time, there was a man who died”, the absolute most perfect first line in the history of first lines and you can fight me on this

Okay I’m already almost crying just from the theme song, like the Tchaikovsky fits perfectly into it? I’m gonna sing it

I’m just screaming???? They’re all in distress

BUT DUCK IS NOT GOING TO GIVE IN TO DISTRESS

RUE IS THE SWAN

DUCK DECIDES TO WRITE HER OWN STORY AND THE MUSIC FROM THE END OF THE THEME SONG STARTS PLAYING MY HEART

I’M ACTUALLY CRYING

IT’S ALL THE PEOPLE SHE HELPED

THEY ARE PLAYING THE THEME THAT PLAYS WHEN DUCK IS HAPPY

FUCKING -- AND YOU HIT ME WITH ONCE UPON A TIME THERE WAS A MAN WHO DIED NOW

LOOK! LOOK THE SCENERY OUTSIDE THE TOWN FADES IN

I watched it.

#princess tutu watch #i still cannot believe

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larksinging · 6 years

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stealing this question from tony because i had fun with it, what are some of the different ways your characters show affection?

hmmmm alright

ivypool is a warrior cat, and in general, they have a pretty standard and open way of showing affection. theyre all very into touching noses to foreheads or shoulders to noses, brushing someone with their tail, etc etc... ivypool’s no exception. she’s probably a bit more closed off and touchy than the average warrior, but she still engages in Typical Warrior Affection a fair amount. but she also likes to spar with people, and generally if she wants to spar all the time that probably means shes fond of you.

mothpaw is similar, though in her role she is more tactile with the other cats on a more daily basis. her particular method is just... taking little extra steps to make sure people are comfortable or feel better. getting softer moss for someone, checking up on them a lot, etc etc. she is, by nature, very doting, and so extra doting is one way she likes to show she cares.

maive is another easy one, because shes a bit more naturally tactile for affection. if she likes someone, she’ll let them pet her, or she’ll lay against them/rest her head on them, etc. MAYBE even lick them. maybe. but beyond that she’s also just big on... spending quality time together. so often to show affection she’ll just do stuff with someone, or even just hang around in their presence. shes also usually a bit gentler with her jokes

nyssa gets softer when she’s affectionate. i don’t really know how else to put it. she eases up on her serious demeanor a bit and just lets herself be more relaxed and even vulnerable around them. that includes physical affection, like face touching or hugs, but thats mostly reserves for sara. with other people, its more obvious in just... her shift in demeanor. she opens up a bit, she gets less intense, she makes an effort to try and connect.

maria is very affectionate with EVERYONE, shes just. you know. made to be that way. so it can be hard to differentiate what’s just maria being maria around people and what is an expression of genuine affection and care for something. if anything i think her... pulling BACK on the affection might be a sign of affection? since that generally only happens when she trusts someone enough to believe theyre not just gonna abandon her if she stops trying to be endearing, so... i feel like a good example was maria trusting lucille to come back for her. theres not a lot of people she’d trust enough to let go

veronica probably has the most wide and, well, “normal” variety of affection, since arguably she had the most normal life before things fell apart of most of my muses. she had a range of physical affection - shoulder bumps and the like for casual situations, taking people’s hands or hugs for more heavy stuff, etc. she’ll do kind gestures or get gifts for people. but really i think her primary way is just... being supportive. she spends a lot of time trying to be reassuring and comforting for her friends, saying nice things, trying to help them through their stuff. verbal affection, but of a particularly uplifting kind, if that makes sense?

laurel is difficult because shes probably the least openly affectionate. she’ll occasionally do physically affectionate things, though usually a bit hesitantly. she doesn’t mind physical affection for physical affection, so she doesn’t have a lot of reservations about like trish, but when stuff has more of a... emotional weight behind it, like something with sara would, it’s a bit different. on some, very rare occasions, she has similar physical affection methods as e-1 laurel, like soft face touching. but not often. and she’s not very good at the other usual things, like spending time with people or saying nice things or even opening up (though this one she sort of does -- the kind of people she’d be affectionate with are the kind of people she’d trust enough to open up). if anything, her affection kind of manifests in... how much she tries for another person? when she likes someone, she’ll make more of an effort not to be mean or to be nicer to people they like, or genuinely try to be supportive, or even on occasion do something honestly nice. and then, on a more extreme level, her affection also manifests in being protective or willing to risk herself for someone else. shes a lance, shes ride or die about people she cares about.

and then winter... winter is a bit of a mix of maive and laurel. he has a few small physical affection tells like brushing wings, intertwining tails, etc. it started more as a means of trying to be reassuring to moon in social situations, and has evolved to something more specifically affectionate. but he also makes more of an effort to be kind and reasonable to people he cares about, or at least less cold and judgmental. sometimes this even manifests as trying to give advice or be helpful. he plays up being “grudgingly amused” a lot when he really doesn’t mind or enjoys little jokes from people he likes.

#denny is a cursed place #thanks!!#rorykillmore

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soundscapesystem · 3 years

Text

tw: abusive relationships, violence, death threats, ect

my last relationship has given me some pretty intense trauma responses i 100% did not expect. every day i have to accept that it was genuinely as bad as it was and it feels like i undestand it was a little bit worse each time. im kinda of wracking my brain going over how im going to explain how bad it was to my new therapist here in a week or so.

like i feel like such an idiot. i know i shouldnt blame myself but some of it just feels so obvious. i mean how do i tell her that i stay up at night paranoid and panicking, wondering if he's watching me, wondering if hes sent a hitman after me, and then stating thats not TOTALLY wild, that he genuinely theatened my life if i left him. that he made direct violent threats against my now-boyfriend and they were aimed at me if i got with said now-boyfriend. that he raved about gang connections. that i was forced many times to agree to be complicit in his eventual planned murder. like. i agreed to that. i didnt have a choice and i stayed.

is it like wayyyy more likely that it was all a big production and never would have happened? probably, sure. he was a compulsive liar, theres no telling how much of it was going to happened. but i spent 2 years being gaslit and lied to, how am i supposed to truly just file those thoughts away as "probably not true" when all i can think about is him pacing in our bedroom with a fucking hammer in his hand telling me how much it would cost to put out a hit, telling me how many times hes supposedly done it before, telling me about having watched people die in front of him, and then telling me that he didnt give a shit about prison again, he would just do it his damn self. i dont even want to repeat the exact phrase he used to describe what he would do to him because it already repeats in my head like every night.

im realizing thats what keeps me up i think. im just scared. im afraid i will go to bed and either i wont wake up or when i do i will find out my boyfriends been murdered. it scares the living shit out of me. when hes here, theres a part of me that doesnt want to leave the house with him. im terrified to go out with him because what if hes watching me? i know its insane. hes at least 2 hours away and theres no way he could find us in this confusing ass city.

but still im afraid all day everyday. someone in the parking lot a week ago was playing a song he used to get drunk to very loudly and it sent me into a state of panic. im STILL not convinced it wasnt him. watching a comfort tv show today and they covered a song he played constantly during our last move and i just couldnt think straight i just felt like i was right back there again.

i dont know. i just feel like...

its like in the moment and at the initial time of leaving it didnt feel like such a big deal. i felt like i just left a bad relationship, toxic at worst but really it just wasnt a good relationship

the longer im away the more i realize that like i was probably a month away from physical abuse and i was in so deep if i hadnt left when i did im not sure even that would have sent me away because i think he would have threatned me at that point. i think i was a year away from being complicit in some kind of crime and possible legal trouble because of his actions.

genuinely, i feel like i escaped a lifetime movie and it would absolutely not surprise me if he genuinely killed someone in the past or will do so in the future.

i think one day i will be considered "lucky" and it scares me how absolutely certain i am of that because every single red flag was there.

#dave speaks

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feignedperfect · 6 years

Note

How do you feel about Hal

SUCH A GOOD QUESTION i have so many thoughts on hal omg . like at first i was not a fan at all bc he comes off like a total tool and at first glance it seems like he and alice really don’t like each other much . i got the vibe that they might love each other on some level bc they have kids together and they’ve spent so long together & definitely care about each other at least but they don’t like each other at all ?? like any time she does anything that’s remotely ’ alice like ’ he’s so put out and its just like ‘ why did you marry her then ?? ’ to me it seemed like a lot of the pressure she puts on herself must be from him and that perfection was a big deal to hal and then ofc the stuff with polly but actually since i’ve been rewatching i’ve changed my mind a lot .

like he still isn’t my favourite character or anything but i’ve been trying to look at it from a different lens and i’ve decided he’s not that bad. like obviously he still has a lot of faults but almost everyone on the show is an asshole so how harshly can we really judge at this point ?? lmao

we haven’t got to see too much of hal yet really, so i may end up being wrong but rn i think he’s a decent guy who loves his family but is also very stubborn. i think from what we’ve seen of him its clear he places a lot of value into FAMILY LEGACY, which was likely instilled in him quite young, and that’s what influences a lot of his poor choices. he didn’t tell alice or the kids about being related to the blossoms because he’s been told its a shameful family secret , one he may have intended to die with him . like - dumbass move dude get your shit together but idk maybe he was trying to protect them from it in a way ?? idk but srsly bro if you wanted your kid to stop dating her cousin - maybe yk tell them they’re cousins ?????

and then booking the abortion the way he did was obvs about the incest which he eventually copped to and you can see when it dawn’s on alice and she’s like ‘so that’s why’ and he’s just ‘yeah alice, THAT’S why’ to me it felt like there was a lot unspoken there and that was his way of letting her know that he never would have had the circumstances been any different. which actually makes me pretty curious what his reaction might have been had she gotten pregnant to anyone else - maybe he would have supported her keeping it after knowing how much it hurt alice losing their son ? who knows man

and then on to he and alice : i think their relationship is honestly the most complicated and layered on the show and needs to be explored more for sure bc they have such a big issue with communication to the point of being heartbreaking, but they also seem to have this incredible ability to forgive at the same time ( if not completely then at least enough to move forward ) and this weird dependancy on each other i find really interesting.

it’s easy to write them off as a marriage of convenience but it just doesn’t make sense to me for alice, being who she is to marry/stay with someone she DIDN’T LOVE, its not in her character.

like what happened with polly —- she was DEVASTATED to find out he’d done that after all they’d been through. she was actually ready to walk away even though she’d been able to forgive him enough for doing it to her to marry him and have two more children.

then she finds out the reason and how the two of them were cousins etc and you can see her face when he says it, this wave of understanding goes over her and you can almost see her decide to forgive him and after that they go get polly and he’s moved back in. and it can’t just be for the sake of keeping up an image, she had kicked him out already, the illusion of perfect was over so there was no reason to take him back unless she GENUINELY loved him.

and while some of the things he does have me side eying him hard af i’ve started to see the way he talks to alice ( not when they’re fighting, just in general ) as them just being MarriedTM lol like yes he rolls his eyes at her a lot but i don’t think its about him not liking her anymore, i think its just that they’ve been together so long now that he’s just like ‘ omg not again really pls ’ lmao but not even in a bad way . and i love that when she starts going overboard he’ll be like ‘alice’ or touch her or something and she’ll calm down and then like when they were in that city hall meeting he’s just sitting with is arm around her, not touching her but theres that closeness. then in the deleted scene after the meeting she has her arms linked around his which i think was really cute.

or like the scene where penelope slaps her , i loved seeing them interact there because he just puts his hand on her and he’s making sure she’s okay and talking her down, etc —- mostly, i feel, because he knows if she does hit penelope she’s gonna hate hearing people gossip about her etc bc she’s so conscious of that.

i’ve also been trying to think of why tf she would stay w him after he had her give up their first kid, which she views as her biggest regret and i feel like he probably visited her a lot at the sisters and just sat w her and talked to her about whatever she wanted / about what their future would be like / helped her study so she didn’t fall behind bc she probably would have wanted to get a scholarship for college and just tried to be there for her however he could and maybe that helped her get through it IDK

the only thing i can think of is that she honestly really loved him and she knew he was right about them not being ready for a baby even though he handled it badly and at the time she was just young and thinking more about her own future. maybe it wasn’t until later that she started to regret it? like maybe when she had polly that she really started to regret not keeping him

i’m sure she felt some regret before that of course. felt that pull to him as her child but she was still a child herself really and i think it would’ve been seeing polly and all the milestones that come with having a child that would have made her realise what she missed out on with her first / would have made her wish she had have kept him.

i think when she was pregnant it would’ve felt like the end of the world and she would’ve had to give up all her dreams to have him and she was probably scared she’d end up living in a trailer park etc in the lifestyle she grew up in , but then after polly she thought differently. she realised well i could’ve had him in daycare or gone to a community college that would’ve been more lenient so she could’ve managed both etc.

i feel like I’m not even answering your question anymore at this point lmao

i think his parents would have played a huge part and you can tell by the way he told that story about his grandfather he’s very family orientated so pressure from his parents probably influenced him A LOT but i also think had she decided to keep the baby he’d have stuck by her. i think it was his parents offered to pay for an abortion and probably paid to have her go to the sisters. and i think it would have meant a lot to her if he came to visit / kept coming back hat in hand trying to make amends and keep their relationship going bc she probably assumed he’d want nothing to do with her after. i feel like he’d have been really apologetic about the whole thing though.

i also feel like his mother is probably really intense and thats where alice takes on a lot of her 'perfect wife/mother’ act bc a lot of the show centres around the becoming your parents sort of thing but for alice i feel like it was mother-in-law. you can tell all perfect Mrs. Cooper posturing is very very put on so she has to be getting it from somewhere. and i feel like hal definitely became his father unintentionally with the way he’s holding onto old family feuds and offering to pay for polly’s abortion. i don’t think he would have been like that as a younger man.

i’ve also been thinking a lot about how alice and hal might’ve gotten together in the first place and i like the idea that it was because of her writing that he took a real interest. like he would’ve taken notice of her already bc she’s beautiful but probably wrote her off bc she was from the southside and idk maybe one day they’ve all had to read their own piece to the class or their work has been passed around etc and he’s realised theres a lot more to her than just the southside.

i’m really curious why he originally took interest in her bc we can pretty much guess her reason at least originally would’ve been this hope of having a better life but i think there must’ve been a lot more to him as well we just haven’t seen yet bc otherwise i think she could’ve easily had her pick of northside boys.

and from what i can tell they seem to be a marriage of equals for the most part, which i’m sure is something thats really important to her and that makes me like them together.

#anonymous #i actually left out some things i think can u believe #idk how it got this long im sorry lmao #♛ ❛ ––– THIS JUST IN! ( answered. )#♛ ❛ ––– WHO KNEW. ( headcanons. )#♛ ❛ ––– NOT QUITE PRINCE CHARMING BUT CLOSE ENOUGH. ( hal. )#♛ ❛ ––– OTP : HAVEN’T YOU HEARD? WE’RE THE PERFECT FAMILY. ( alice + hal. )

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