#and yes i know its after 9pm and i cant trust any thoughts

[semercury]

I think a lot of it too is the fact I understand how fragile everything is and I'm willing to do anything to protect things even if it's irrational.

#stuff sarah says #like u kno when u hold a baby and ur like oh gosh oh fuck if i mess up the angle of my arm your neck will snap? #yeah thats how i feel about literally everything #and its not too absurd for me to feel that way with what ive gone through #ive had loved ones taken away very quickly. even people my age #ive seen firsthand how quick you can go from laughing with someone to being at their funeral #and it scares me. life has so many variables #and also im just? so full of self hatred? i have to make up for the me-ness of life #and idk. i just. theres a lot. #ive gotten way better than i used to be but man. things can take me back quick #and i know there's gonna be some shit looming over my head for the next month or so #and somehow that also like? adds to it? #idk exactly. idk idk idk #i want to be everything and nothing at the same time #maybe one day ill learn how to just Be #and yes i know its after 9pm and i cant trust any thoughts #also shit i need to take my meds before i sleep rip