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overnowsfcb · 4 months

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even if they talk; trent alexander-arnold smau

pairing: trent alexander-arnold x nepobaby knowles!model!reader

face claim: taylor russell

summary: people will criticize everything, but there is someone who will never fail you, and that was trent.

warnings: mostly fluff, angst (bit of hate and critics towards reader).

note: this is my first smau i hope it's not too bad! i would love to hear your thoughts or suggestions, also requests are open! — venus 🫂💐🫧

INSTAGRAM!

liked by ynknowles, virgilvandijk and 1,199,023 others

trentarnold66 🤷🏽‍♂️

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user1 the best out there

user2 unreal 🔥🔥🔥

user3 let's go reds!

ynknowles congrats! is there some secret routine helping you before the game to be that amazing? 🤔

↪trentarnold66 Maybe.. But I can't share any details here 🤫

↪user4 ARE WE MISSING SOMETHING????

↪user5 whats so interesting??? share with the class????

user6 yn and trent interacting??? i- wow

↪user7 if i hadnt seen it with my own eyes id say everyones tripping

user8 are they implying something or is just me

↪user9 I THOUGHT EXACTLY THE SAME

user10 YOU BETTER EXPLAIN YOURSELF ynknowles

user11 LET HER COOK

↪user12 girl i think they've already had a feast

user13 wtf is yn doing here

↪user14 she ruins everything good

user15 i hope trent doesnt distract w this... cant even say it

↪user16 yeah we know what she did to her exes so...

↪user17 put some respect on beyoncé's daughter's name and inform yourself before talking, mind you

NEWS!

comments

user trent can do so much better than yn. she just wants to stay relevant

user shes using trent because she has no talents to show

user i've heard rumors about how yn's exes have ended. trent, watch your back, my man.

↪user you talk as if she murdered them??? plus she never did anything to any of her exes you're just talking bc it's free

user i just hope that trent can open his eyes asap

user what a disappointment from trent. i thought he was better than dating a spoiled kid with too much time and money in her hands

user y'all are just jealous that she has what many desire 1. money 2. fame 3. beauty 4. trent's dick

user why is everyone jumping to conclusions though? we should give them the space to tell us whenever they feel ready

user i love how haters act like they know everything about yn's life and they dont know shit

TWITTER!

INSTAGRAM!

liked by zoeisabellakravitz, trentarnold66 and 2,763,548 others

ynknowles paris you are the vibes ⭐️ so damn proud of my little blue and this mind-blowing tour, i love you momma beyonce !

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beyonce Love you endlessly, my angel. You know how much your support means to Blue. 💙

bellahadid Prettiest fairy in the world.

troyesivan mmm alright??? why are you so perfect???

user18 no trent here though 🤷‍♀️

user19 this is the confirmation about how yn just uses trent

user20 ugh. i hate these nepobabies who think the world revolves around them

ynknowles has restricted the comments for this post

TWITTER!

INSTAGRAM!

liked by ynfan34, trentfan78 and 18,905 others

ynknowlesupdates Yn Knowles in Anfield today with friends! This is the first time we've seen her in public in three months.

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user1 i cant stand her 😒 smile or smth if youre gonna see your "boyfriend"

↪ ynfan1 if you cant stand her then poke your eyes with a spoon and dont bother 😁

ynfan2 omg this will be the first match that she attends. i hope she enjoys it!!!! (win please)

ynfan3 I MISSED HER SO MUCH IM GLAD SHES WELL

ynfan4 baby looks tired of people taking pics of her 😕 i wanna hug her

↪user2 but shes there for that??? she loves attention

↪ynfan5 or maybe just MAYBE she wants to support her boyfriend??

ynfan6 TODAY I WAS MISSING HER MORE THAN ANYTHING SHE LOVES ME

trentfan1 WHAT THE FUCK IS SHE DOING THERE?? i though we had gotten rid of her 😩

user4 if we lose today you know who is to blame...

trenfan2 over and over again i will repeat it until trent leaves her, shes with him for fame

↪ynfan7 yeah cause trent is soooo worried about what you think right???

user5 i bet shes there just for the cameras

trentfan3 yn trying to be a wag is so cute and laughable. she doesnt even measure up to the real ones.

↪user6 ikr? shes trying so hard poor girl

trentfan4 the fact that she goes with her friends 💀💀 i bet no wag would want to be seen with her

INSTAGRAM!

trentarnold66 Just clever people can handle how flawless my queen is. Happy first anniversary, my love. I love you madly, always. No need to demonstrate anything on social media when we're tellin' each other how much we love at every hour. ❤️

tagged: ynknowles

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ynknowles i love love love you so fucking much you dont have an idea

↪trentarnold66 i love you more more more than you could imagine

ynknowles thank you for being the most perfect man ive ever known t ❤️❤️❤️❤️

↪trentarnold66 i just try my best to be on your level, lovely

beyonce You are such a gentleman, Trent! Grateful for the way you take care of my angel.

liked by trentarnold66, ynknowles and 21,234 others

ynfan8 A YEAR??? BUT IF WE FOUND OUT FOUR MONTHS AGO

↪trentfan5 i feel so stupid how did they hide it so well 😦😦

trentfan6 shut them up trent

trentfan7 THATS A GOOD MAN!!!! men just take notes rn

bellahadid Thank you for taking care of the purest woman in this world, Trent 💖

ynfan9 not bee and bella thanking him 🥺🥺

↪trentfan8 im gonna cry he must be so cute

↪ynfan10 no bc she surely spent some tough months with the hate towards her and he sure was the supportive boyfriend as he should 😭😭

trentfan9 WHY NO ONES TALKING ABOUT THE BATMAN KEYCHAINS???

↪ynfan11 nonononooooo i love them best couple in the world

ynfan12 the pics he takes of her, the caption, everything 😪😪😪 god send me a man like that

trentfan10 the people who said they were going too fast must be regretting it 🤭

ynfan13 im afraid we'll find out they have kids when they're in uni, lmao. happy anniversary you two!!!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️

#trent alexander arnold x you #trent alexander arnold fluff #trent alexander arnold x reader #trent alexander arnold imagine #trent alexander arnold smau #trent alexander arnold social media au #football x reader #football imagine #football social media au

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autisticlancemcclain · 8 months

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fic rec friday 38

hello and welcome to fic rec friday! where, on friday, i rec five of my favourite fics.

only the dead have seen the end of war by @kartoffxl [MCD]

Lance must have seen something in Keith’s face, because his expression crumpled in anguish. “You… You love me back.” He put his head in his hands. “Oh my god. You loved me. You love me. This—This is so fucked up.” “Lance, I—” “Tell me I’m wrong.” There were tears in his eyes. “Tell me we didn’t just waste all those years being cowards.” Keith clenched his fists at his sides, still reeling from the whiplash of what he had just heard earlier. This can’t be happening. “Say it!” Lance pressed. “Say you don’t love me.” Please, his eyes begged. Keith and Lance finally figure out that they’re absolutely, undeniably, embarrassingly in love with each other, just not exactly in the best of circumstances.

okay so. this is. technically. one of the meaner fics im reccing. HOWEVER. it is gaspingly unbelievably beautifully and painfully written. even the summary kills me -- say you dont love me. im begging you. im begging you to lie to me right now. as we lay dying im begging you to have mercy on me and let me believe i didnt have a chance for beauty with you. im begging you to let me die with one regret instead of millions. please. please dont let me die being loved by you. LIKE WHAT

2. Toast to Freedom by @icypantherwrites

Keith is used to more than his fair share of dark looks. What he’s not used to is seeing those looks directed at Lance for no reason that he can determine and it’s making something uneasy settle in his stomach and the heavy press of the mantle of leader weigh even heavier as he should be doing something about it but he doesn’t know what. But causing a scene will upset the alliance they need and so Keith chooses to wait it out, to address it after the feast. He should never have waited.

will never ever in my life get over to 'i drank your poison because no suffering would be worse than watching it on you' not ever. it is always so so everything. and NO ONE does it like icy panther

3. Disjointed Soul by @icypantherwrites

Lance falls victim to a Soul Leecher, a dark spirit that is drawn to disjointed souls to steal them for itself. The Paladins must go into Lance's very soul to save him, uncovering truths about themselves and Lance in the process. Time is of the essence before Lance is lost forever. Good thing they have such helpful, adorable soul guides.

"Hi there baby Lance," Hunk greeted. "Ohwah," Lance burbled back. "¡Ohwah!" "Ohwah?" Pidge repeated. "I think he's saying "hola,'" Hunk grinned. "You know, "hello" in Spanish. Hola, baby Lance." "¡Ohwah! ¡Ohwah!"

this is one of THEEEE original insecure lance fics fr like it was the BLUEPRINT. 2018 there wasnt a langst loving soul who hadnt read this at least twice. its not too long for my dears w shoddy attention spans but its long enough to have quite a bit of substance!! team as family with communication and lance at the centre of it. what more do u want

4. Sleep Well, My Son by @icypantherwrites

A tiny accident becomes literal when Lance is turned into a child with no recollection from his older self. Coran has hopes the effects will be relatively short-term, but in the meantime he has a scared child that needs both reassurance and care. And while Coran might not have had the chance to be a father… he feels like one now.

look i love a good de aged lance fic and obviously when i was making these bookmarks i was scrolling my way thru the tag. and this one is especially amazing bc it is coran centred! this is a coran fic! this is a fic about quiet grief in the life you never got to live and acceptance for the life you have now and love for the people life has brought you!! it is about coran finding family through people who so desperately need it!! it is everything!!

5. Amigos by @icypantherwrites

A dangerous mission becomes even moreso when Lance is turned into a child with no recollection of his older self in the middle of it. Keith has never been good with kids and that certainly isn’t going to change now. Somehow though he’s got to convince Lance — who doesn’t speak a word of English and is staring at Keith with too wide, too scared of eyes — to come with him, get them both out of the Galran base now crawling with sentries alive, and then, assuming they get that far, figure out how to change Lance back.

shut up about the repeated author shut up about the same trope shut up about the. okay. i am a simple creature. i am annoying. i like to sit on my little armchair and open my little phone and read the same thing a million times. there is a Way to read fic and that way is to click on and scroll through a tag until you find a fic you like then scroll through that author and then go back to the tag and rinse and repeat. besides this fic is amazing okay i love klance but we rarely get platonic klance and its GOOD okay

that’s it for today!! i’ll see y’all back next friday for the next fic rec post!!!

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fruitybashir · 4 days

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Has Bojan ever told Kris "I love you" in Serbian and he didn't realize? (we see Bojan mutters a lot of Serbian, but we don't know what)

oh interesting!!! lets go there

so this is funny bc originally, a big part of bojan's ch16 crisis wouldve been that he accidentally said "i love you/volim te" to kris when they had sex in ch15, then realising that the next morning and freaking out about it. i switched it up mostly for two reasons:

a) the "shit we took it too far" moment ended up being having unprotected sex which, again, i hadnt originally planned lol it just sorta happened. and i like it better that way bc in their context, that is very much an admission and an act of love, without either of them explicitly saying it. and it gives bojan a (very flimsy excuse of an) exit route from his crisis where he tells himself that as long as neither of them has said it out loud, they can still just go back.

and b) i dont know about actual kris, but holidate kris doesnt exactly speak or understand serbian fluently, but he does recognize a few words here and there. like curse words bojan regularly uses mostly but also. stuff you just pick up when you live in the area of another language if that makes sense? like how im from germany but ill recognize a few words and sentences here and there from polish, dutch, french, etc just bc. its stuff you kinda pick up from proximity and having music with different languages in the charts.

and a "volim te" would have definitely been recognisable to kris, its not something he wouldve overheard or not have understood. and that would just have changed his whole perspective in ch16 bc bojan would have told kris he loves him only to then fuck off and say hey lets just be friends. it would have been a very different crisis on his part then, knowing bojan loves him but for some reason doesnt want him vs actual ch16 wondering where he'd gone wrong, thinking bojan had figured out kris had feelings for him but not feeling the same and that pushed him away etc etc

so uhh. what was the question again? oh yeah.

bojan speaking serbian. this is one of those "idk man i just write the guy" instances kinda, i dont have any exact words or sentences in mind?

had to go back and check where bojan speaks serbian actually

exhibit nr.1: just various curses for sure

exhibit nr.2: ummm probably also just like fuck me but in serbian? maybe smthn like "need you in me" etc like maybe just something filthy and desperate lmao

exhibit nr.3: a lot of sweet talking mostly, telling kris how amazing he feels, in him and under him, how he loves being so close to him, how good he makes bojan feels ummmm idk i cant come up with anything deep or poetic rn but basically just a loooot a lot of sweet talk and praise and basically saying how much he loves kris without actually saying the words for it. does that make sense?

but with all things that are left vague: its up for interpretation if you have something else in mind. bojan could be reciting the manual to his microwave for all i know.

#inbox #sparkles-oflight #was so convinced id keep it semi short and coherent but oh well. not beating the rambling allegations #lore

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as-i-watch · 8 months

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Episode 5 veredict:

5/5 Straw Hats 👒👒👒👒👒

Nothing is 100% perfect, but using decimals is for cowards bitches

The good:

Baratie is the best set so far hands down

God i love Taz's Sanji. He had three lines of dialogue but his was the first straw hat that inmediately felt like the charecter

Also Zeff, i have nothing negative to say, perfect Zeff, perfect with Sanji. Perfect duo.

Garp. I fucking love this Garp so much. Him and Luffy just screaming at eachother and throwing canon balls at eachother from their ships was so funny. I want to see where they go with it but introducing Garp this early was a really big move for the LA and i think so far it payed off.

MIHAWK. Not even necessary to point out how perfect the costume is but Steven Ward got the tone of the charecter perfectly fucking right!!

Sure they deleted Don Krieg but i actually didnt mind it in the end? There was no actual 'bad guy' but i liked it. I thought all episodes now would follow the syrup village format of stablishing the villain in the first ep, ending with a cliffhanger and the next ep had the full third act kinda battle. But the plot needed to slow down, they needed to give more time for the crew to bond and Baratie first half is the perfect moment to do that, and also an opportunity for the rest of the crew to get to know eachother without Luffy as a conduit (he was busy being a busboy). So yeah, i dont mind they didnt even introduced Krieg this ep as the villain of the arc, bc we got Zoro and Nami playing drinking games, Luffy and Sanji talking about dreams in a quiet moment at the kitched, and drunk Usopp busting some moves.

Oh god Mihawk's and Zoro's fight. It was almost exactly like in the anime, and i usualy hate frame by frame replications in adaptations of this kind, but that fight was iconic and perfect, they knew they didnt have to mess with that. But not only that, it was perfectly executed. It managed to capture the same emotion as the anime (something that other key moments so far fail to get it right spcially in backstories and flashbacks)

Again, kudos to Mackenyu for all the sword fight, holy shit they are becoming my fav things in the show

Ehh could'e been better:

There were only two moments in this ep that made me go :/

Luffy's argument to get Zeff to accept the IOU. Luffy never cared about status and what being King of the Pirates would mean, he dont care about having hand or the benefits the title would bring him. Pulling that card felt very strange, the most natural thing for Luffy was to just stare at Zeff dead in the eye and just say he's broke af

Nami not leaving. Stealing the ship and leaving them at Baratie was huge deal and what prompted they way into Arlong Park. But more of a plot point it was huge for Nami's charecter, bc she was still trying to convice herself that she hadnt become friends with those idiots, bc she still hated all pirates, bc she still tried to present a cold 'i dont need no one' kinda facade. But LA Nami had already admited not only that she was friends with the boys but also that she was part of the crew. Thats ok but now the issue is that her stealing Merry makes little sense, and even leaving at all makes little sense. Dont get me wrong, i love this Nami and i like the direction they gave the charecter, but i think maybe they neglected a bit her own personal growth and inner conficts, which is what sets te base for everything that happens to her at Arlong Park later on

#you didnt ask for it and yet here it is: my opinion #opla #one piece LA

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punkbxt · 10 months

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the people in charge of nutrek dont care about the ideals and premise of star trek and star trek: picard is its biggest tell. its a story that would have been much better if they hadnt brought back legacy characters but also would have been much better had it not been written at all because nobody wants more space cops

the moment picard decided to wash his hands clean of the romulan android situation was the moment i knew that oh this isnt the picard everyone has come to know and love. at his core who he is someone that would not let anyone die if he could help it. like thats his thing if he has the power to help he will!! and yeah sure thats shown in pic too but he literally was like ‘fuck you federation im not gonna help u ignore the romulans cries for help’ when he fr coulda just asked for forgiveness after helping with the power he had as a respected captain or whatever he is. something EVERY oldtrek captain has done time and time again

and yes! characters and their ideals change over time but not fucking like THAT

pic takes a tragedy, a genocide, and takes the romulans, a species that has for the most part always been the enemies of the federation and makes them easy prey. it makes them evil except for those that defected or disguised themselves (look up white passing and what it was actually for and why its a thing). and to put it into more understandable words:

lets say the federation is usamerica (bc for all intents and purposes thats literally what it represents) and that the romulans represent people of color and jews. pic serves for us on a platter that the genocide was just another thing that happened and “its okay they died anyways. romulans have never been on the side of the federation and never wanted to be anyways so no loss” this is what the federation believes

pic has been severely affected by white supremacist and antisemitic ideology and like while yeah science fiction is used to discuss and challenge the oppression we experience today, youd think a franchise that has always preached about diversity inclusion and acceptance would finally get over mass genocide of a “lesser” race as a form of storytelling. its uncomfortable and not in a way in which it makes you think but in a way that shows that even hundreds of years in the future vitriol prevails and it fucking sucks. its harmful towards people of color and jews when even in science fiction we cant escape that someone out there wants us dead

we’ve had enough of white supremacy and antisemitism taking a lil seat at the table to cause ruckus there are 100% other things that could have created and interesting dilema. the federation is literally on some cristobal colon shit n the more nutrek that gets made the less star trek holds up the ideals of diversity inclusion acceptance and love that it preached from its inception. we are instead given a narrative that yeah no matter how long you fight no matter how hard you fight you will NEVER win because systemic racism always wins in the end. its a tired and weak narrative and just goes to show if you dont have any other engaging stories to tell just stop telling the stories and stop ruining characters by making them do things they absolutely wouldnt even stand for

we r stuck with characters that suck up to other characters just because of their legacy and the writing when everyone deserves to be way more mad at picard. sidenote all of the genuine progress that has been made in television with diversity and representation has gone like 20 steps back when it comes to portraying people of color bc not ONE from the main crew passes the paper bag test (again ive only seen season one) which further goes to show white supremacist ideals subtly shining through

the point of star trek is that there will be a better more welcoming loving kinder future than the present and the past. and yeah theyve never been good at portraying that exactly because hope cannot exist without despair. but if you do not learn the mistakes of the past you are bound to repeat them and clearly these writers have not been studying the source material

hope this helps idk man i just b saying shit sometimes sorry if some stuff is repetitive

#inspired by @trillscienceofficer ‘s liveblog of stpic #havent watched since season 1 so if some stuff is inaccurate whoops #and this doesnt even cover my issue with seven as a character but #i cant really say much bc id want to watch the whole thing to make more inferences abt her #tng has also already established the whole are androids sentient thing with data which just feels redundant in pic #star trek picard

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hyenagurl · 3 months

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This sounds mean but is coming from a well-meaning place: why are you upset about that moid coworker. So he was nice to you, until you come to work with hickeys (kinda trashy but we’ll let it slide) and now he’s a dick. So he’s nice until he is shown evidence you had a romantic encounter with someone else. This moid is the equivalent of “add nice tokens until sex comes out.” The fact he switched up so fast the second he thought you fucked someone else ⁉️ He was never a nice guy, he never liked you, he wanted to smash and that’s it. He doesn’t see you as a person, he sees you as something to be used and discarded- once he saw someone “used” it first, he moved directly to discarding. Use your head babe, he showed his true colors. xx luv ya

no no youre right but 😭 well it just sucks to have someone show their colors like this. part of what hurts is that it really was night and day, like a complete 180, and nobody notices but me and insists its just bc he got dumped when this started happening well before that…

ive been keeping my eye on him too. hes friendly with everyone. it feels like hes going out of his way to chat everyone up - and then when im talking to someone nearby he does his best to look away. yesterday i did something bad mannered without thinking about it (tore open a packet of aspirin, spat out a piece of it😭) and he came over and was like “why would you do that, that was disgusting and inappropriate.” he has never lectured me like that. and it was the first time he spoke to me in like days. i thought he was joking!

but that was not the worst. today it came to a head, i saw him smirking and i snapped. i asked to speak to him privately (after him initially ignoring me, with an “i guess… 🙄”) and we went to the back. he kept working while i was trying to speak to him, and when i moved in front of him, he could barely even look me in the eye and he had this big dumb nervous grin on his face, and kept laughing like “haha whats the problem? 😅” granted i kept him off guard and i honestly hadnt meant to, but still. i couldnt believe how rude he was being, even if he was nervous. he used to be so courteous!

i was angry and fighting back tears bc i would literally rather die than cry in front of a man like that, so i kept my voice as calm as i could be and was like “whats going on? i understand youre going through something hard rn, but it feels like somethings wrong between us and idk why.” he brushed it off again, still laughing and smiling, and i said “well youve been acting differently for weeks, and you only speak to me now just to lecture me.” he rambled some more bullshit, like “idk sometimes i just dont have anything to say.”

yeah, right. if theres not a problem, then who just has nothing to say to someone in a matter of a DAY?

i couldnt do anything with that and i was pretty upset, so i just told him id be here when he was ready to talk and made sure to stay away from him. then after weeping in the group chat, i was a huge mess, and then my other (male) but honestly sweet coworker saw and figured out what happened and comforted me..

okay so yeah. this is whats so upsetting. its not so much i miss our flirty dynamic - its that a coworker is pulling psychological petty high school bullshit over seemingly nothing - or worse, you and i are right, and hes icing me out for having a sex life! i feel like im going nuts!!!!

#in case u couldnt tell yes i needed to rant sbout this some more

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batmanisagatewaydrug · 11 months

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i had sex for the first time and it was kind of a horrible experience. i was checking out a bdsm club for the first time and a man in his 50s invited me to check out a different (sex) club the next day and bc i genuinely, idiotically thought he just wanted to introduce me to the scene and show me around i went. at the club he bought me a couple drinks, we talked and then he took me to a private room and went down on me. i didnt say no bc i was drunk and curious, and im bad at saying no to people in general. i thought maybe it would be fun. i wasnt into it at all but felt too bad to let him know. i faked an orgasm and left after a while. as we parted he kissed my cheek and said he hopes we can be friends. drunk me told him of course we could. the next morning i was hit with the worst wave of self loathing ive ever felt in my life, as well as just general disgust and regret. i cannot believe my first time was with an old man i feel zero attraction to. i already knew im probably a lesbian, but still i keep trying to be with men and i dont know why. i guess my question is do you have advice on how to get over a sexual experience you regret? how do i come to terms with the fact that my first time was with someone i feel grossed out just thinking about? and was i taken advantage of? im in my early 20s, he didnt know i was a virgin (i active implied that im not), and i know if i had said no he wouldve stopped. i wasnt falling down drunk or anything. he didnt really do anything wrong. i feel so stupid and ashamed of myself. i just wish my first time had been with a woman. i wish i hadnt been so naive and stupid and i wish i hadnt gotten drunk. i know its not true but i feel like no woman will ever want me now. i cant even masturbate bc the idea of doing something sexual, even just alone, reminds me of him and what i let him do to me. how do i move on from this?

hi anon,

I'm deeply sorry that this happened to you.

in this case, I would say the way to make peace with a sexual experience you regret is to understand that you aren't responsible for what was done to you.

to answer your question - yes, you were absolutely taken advantage of, and this person very much did do something wrong! quite a lot of somethings! he made the choice to lure someone younger and less knowledgeable to a secondary location you weren't familiar with, get you drunk, isolate you, and pressure you into sex that you didn't give enthusiastic consent to. all of that is CLASSIC predatory, manipulative behavior and reflects on him - not you.

you mentioned that you feel stupid; PLEASE don't. people are pressured into unpleasant sex all the time, very often in the exact same way you were: being entrapped in a situation where going along with it was easier than saying no. it's vile! and none of those people are at fault!

listen: you need to be on your side about this. would you tell anyone else who experienced this that they're stupid and naive? I hope not. I really hope you can find the compassion you'd extend to any other friend in this situation to yourself, because you're going to be the #1 person getting yourself through this.

feeling bad and gross about what happened is fine; what happened was bad and gross. please let those feelings happen and care for yourself while they do, because those feelings need to be felt! just be conscientious about which feelings you're indulging. it's fine to feel betrayed, violated, regretful, angry, sad, even to mourn for a better first sexual experience you could have had! just make sure to gently nudge yourself back if those feelings start veering into the realm of feeling guilty or responsible for the situation. not only is it unhelpful, it's not even true!

it's very sad that your first sexual experience was with someone you didn't want who treated you the way he did. in the future, when you're ready, I hope you'll be able to pursue healthier, mutually pleasurable experiences on your own terms. don't rush yourself to get back to any kind of sexuality, masturbation included - a good long break while you sort through your feelings may be very needed. there's no timeline you need to be on to recover from this; please don't get down on yourself for taking the time and space you need. if you don't have anyone in person you feel able to talk with, looking up online support and resources for people who have experienced sexual assault may be beneficial.

also, hey, please don't play the game of trying to say you don't belong in survivor spaces or how this wasn't an assault because your belief that he would have stopped if you'd told him to (a very generous assumption!) or because you led him to believe you had more sexual experience or it could have been worse or whatever. the feelings you're experience in the aftermath are textbook of assault survivors; that means the resources are for you!

also hey. listen to me. look at me. if any woman tries to tell you that you are less worthy of lesbian love and companionship because you have had sex with a man. ESPECIALLY a man who was taking advantage of you. you are going to send me their address and I will personally attack them with a baseball bat.

#sex edventures 2023

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ppnuggie · 2 years

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Hello, I do hope you'll have a great day! I really like your writing style, it feels fresh and nice! Can I request a oneshot with G1 Astrotrain and his future s/o? S/o has been in love with him for a long time. Being higher and plumper than a usual human, they're afraid Astrotrain may not like them. S/o thinks so much on both why they should and shouldn't confess, that one day they just overwhelm and cry inside the bot. Sorry, I love some hurt/comfort! If that's too specific, you can change it!

　　　　　　ASTROTRAIN x gn human reader

　　　　『　astrotrain ,, gender neutral human reader 』

　　-> messy relationship stuffs w/ astrotrain

　　— fluff ,, sfw ,, comfort ,, angst

　　— i didnt make it to where they feel he wont like them for their body type ,, as i try to make my fics as inclusive as possible :D but to where they feel astrotrain wont like them for being human ,, bc he’s a decepticon and theyre more known and prune to hate humans ,, but tysm for requesting ! 🥹 need some astrotrain content in life 🤲 this is quite long so just a fyi !! <33

butterflies always fluttered in your stomach any time he spoke ,, voice unique and different from what you heard before. the mech before you had kept talking about something you werent all that sure ,, too mesmerized by his ruby optics to even think about what he was saying. it was definitely about humans ,, and nothing too good at that.

oh how your heart had wished for him ,, nights wasted pondering about what your relationship with him could look like. yet ,, your heart squeezed tightly every time he belittled your species ,, how he went into detail of how much he despised their existence. it hurt ,, knowing the one you desired so much would never accept you.

it almost brought you to tears ,, focus turning from those deceiving optics and towards his speech and words. he kept on talking about wishing megatron would hurry with destroying the human race. how they dont do anything and definitely dont deserve their lives nor their planet. it wasnt until skywarp had came up to him did he stop his painful speech. you didnt bother to pay attention to skywarp’s message ,, too caught up with trying to blink away tears.

“ really ? fine ,, (y/n) come with me .” the mech grumbled as he glared at skywarp’s form in the distance of the hallway. your head perked up at your name ,, jumping to your feet as you quickly followed astrotrain down the opposite sude of the hall. “ where are we going ,, astro ?” you asked using the nickname you gave him ,, curious to know about the sudden location change.

“ megatron wants me to collect something from the constructicons ,, nothing too special ,,” he huffed and crossed his arms. he muttered something under his breathe ,, catching the words ‘stupid’ and ‘useless’ and ‘megatron’ and ‘hate’ from his mumbled speech. you shrugged your shoulders and kept to yourself ,, thoughts retracing to what they were before.

there was a lot of complications. you loved astrotrain ,, so very much you did. yet ,, it wouldnt ever work out between you two. as much as you could fantasize and wish and pray and hope ,, nothing good would come from confessing. there was never a good time ,, the mech seemingly to always be in a horrible mood lately.

as astrotrain transformed you quickly made your way into his alt mode and buckled up ,, blocking out the noise from around you. it wasnt long till you got lost in your mind once again. pondering over the pros and cons and the fake scenarios of you confessing. so much could happen if you were to reveal your true feelings.

curse it all. it certainly wasnt fair. you always wished to be cybertronian ,, hoping that then you would be able to be with your loved one. but you couldnt ,, he wouldnt bare being with a human ,, let alone you. there was so much wrong ,, but as much as you searched for a good outcome you'd never get it. your little scenarios only ending with you dead or heartbroken. you hadnt noticed a tear slip by and roll down your cheek ,, planting itself on one of astrotrain's chairs.

" hey ,, did you spill something on me ?" the mech grumbled ,, already in a bad mood previously. your eyes widened as your hand smudged the tear drop away ,, quickly denying him. " no no ! i didnt !" you dried the wet spot in a rush to prove his accusation wrong. " then what was it that had touched me ?" he huffed ,, flying in a straight line through the clouds. he kept his focus on the direction he was going ,, not really bothering to pay attention inside him.

" nothing ,, it was nothing ,," you reassured ,, voice breaking just the slightest bit as you said that. curses ran through your mind ,, degrading yourself in your own thoughts. " hey ,, are you alright ?" the mech asked ,, suspicion obvious in his voice. " your voice sounded a little strange just now . you better not be sick !" he added on.

" no ! i'm not sick !" you waved your hands in the air ,, your voice caught in your throat as it cracked up a bit more then before. " i'm perfectly fine ,, i promise ." there was a few moments of silence before he huffed again. " i dont believe you ,, im pulling to the side right now and you better tell me whats wrong with you ."

and so he did. just as he had said ,, he changed course from flying in a straight line to readying himself to land. once he made contact with the ground the seatbelt around you unbuckled and the door opened. a sigh fell from your lips ,, complying with the stubborn decepticon and making your way out of his alt mode. he transformed ,, quickly grasping you in his hand gently and holding you up to his face plates.

" now ,, what's wrong ? youve been quite silent since when i first picked you up earlier ." he interrogated you ,, not giving you the moment to answer. " did something happen ? did someone say something ? tell me who it was and ill have a word with them ." he grumbled at the thought of someone even being the slightest bit of rude to you. sure ,, the decepticons werent fond of humans but most the cons enjoyed having you around.

" its nothing ,, i promise astrotrain ,, its not that important ." you kept avoiding his questions ,, not wanting to confess what you were actually thinking about. you were too worried that your scenarios would become reality. the mech pondered a bit ,, thinking over your words and reaction ,, before starting to piece together things.

“ was it ,,” he started out ,, optics looking away for a secokd before returning to your own eyes. “ was it something i did ?” astrotrain couldnt think of anything he might’ve done wrong to upset you. sure ,, he often complained about your species but he never meant any of it towards you. he couldnt bring himself to think badly of you.

the thought of even doing something to cause you emotional pain only bruised his spark. you’d been one of the few who actually saw him for more then another random decepticon ,, as more then a space shuttle or storage unit like the other decepticons had. you actually took the time to talk and listen ,, spend time with him. it felt nice ,, having someone wanting to take their own time and spend it with him.

your breathe hitched in your throat ,, tears brimming your eyes for the third time. “ no ,, it wasn’t anything you’ve done .” you casted your head downwards ,, avoiding his glance towards you. “ then what is it ?” his head tilted to the side in confusion.

“ please tell me ,,” he frowned ,, optics softening upon your form. “ i just want to know ,, (y/n) ,, please tell me whats wrong .” his speech became a bit slower ,, voice lowering as he tried to pry at your invasive thoughts. you ,, on the other hand ,, were sure he would reject you immediately the moment you did tell him. that he’d throw you and leave you here in the middle of nowhere. yet ,, with how soft his voice was ,, you felt you had a small chance. a tiny sliver of hope. that maybe ,, just maybe ,, he’d see you no different or bring you harm.

“ fine ! but ,, just promise me that you wont be upset ,,” your eyes stared into his optics ,, seeking trust and hope in them. he nodded ,, not speaking a word. “ okay ,, well ,,” you didnt know how to word it ,, casting your glance aside once more. “ i kind of like you ,, astrotrain ,, like a lot .” you bit your lip ,, waiting to see if he’d say or do anything ,, yet nothing happened.

“ and i can understand if you dont feel the same ,,” your tears were ready to burst by now ,, the agony awaiting you and your heart pounding heavily. it felt torturous ,, he didnt even say anything or react just yet ,, only urging you to continue. “ and i know that i may be human ,, that you dont like humans ,, but i want you to that i love you. i love you so very much ,, and it hurts to know that you wouldnt feel the same .” a few tears had already slipped down your cheeks ,, voice cracking as you continued.

“ so ,, you can do whatever you want . kill me or leave me out here or something ,, but id rather you know that i cherish you more than anything in this universe . i cherish and love you more than i love my own life . i love you astrotrain ,, i love you a lot .” you finished ,, tears streaming down your face as you refused to look at him. only imagining he’d be looking at you with disgust ,, trying to think of a way to rid of you the quickest.

instead a soft pat to your head was what you had received ,, and his voice speaking up. “ is that true ?” he asked ,, watching as you lifted your head. he could see the pain in your eyes ,, the sorrow they held. a small nod was all you gave him ,, not bothering to do anymore then just that. his mouth dropped just a bit ,, before turning into a soft smile.

“ dry your eyes ,, little one ,, i wont be harming you nor abandoning you here . you wont have to worry about that ,,” he brought you closer to his faceplate. he gave you a soft kiss ontop of your head ,, optics full and heavy with adoration. “ there is no need for all this . im happy to hear you feel the same as i do ,,” he gazed down at you.

you were left flabbergasted ,, the small sliver of hope had sought to be true. your hands smudged against your eyes ,, drying yourself as you returned the smile to the mech. “ you feel that same ?”

“ i have for a couple of your earth months . just because you happen to be human never changed my feelings for you ,,” he replied as he set you down on a platform. he quickly mass displaced himself and brought his arms around you ,, pulling you into a tight hug. “ i never would’ve thought id get to see the day where you’d be in my arms ,, and yet primus grants me such a gift .” he whispered ,, frame warm as you kept your arms tight around him.

the panic you felt earlier replaced itself with relief ,, happy to know that those scenarios never became reality. the mech pulled away for a moment ,, optics taking in your features before grasping ahold of your face with his servos. he gently brought the two of you together ,, planting a kiss upon your lips.

#transformers x reader #x reader #x gender neutral reader #🌄.g1 #g1 x reader #transformers generation one #transformers g1 #x gn reader #astrotrain x reader #transformers astrotrain #g1 astrotrain #🌄.astrotrain

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leonaluv · 3 days

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its kind of a rant vent.

thank you so much! in 2003 whilst we were camping before moving a couple of guys had been filming me with a camera of that time period as we didnt have smartphones back then. i never told anyone about it cause who would believe me bc only i saw them. i have always wondered why they were there or where they were from? what happened to the camera after they ran off when i went back inside the cabin. how long had they been following me for or who sent them and how did they find me there when we had only just arrived. or if i hadnt run back in side would something bad have happened to me like maddie? i dont even know why i ran back inside the cabin just something about those two guys werent right.

the memory is kind of blurry as it was well over a decade but honestly my experiences with socialising after that became weirder and weirder. it was like whenever i went anywhere even to this day people either look at me like im some alien that speaks in a foreign language, i have had teachers hate my guts or downright ignore me or tutor who pretend to be nice but it was like they wanted me to fail yaknow? classmates endlessly gossiped about me, even when i was with friends my classmate would always say that it was a good thing i hadnt come in earlier bc so and so was saying such mean judgy things or in general just some very weird experiences. even if i did nothing wrong its like theyd just single me out of it or thered be grojps of ppl laughing at me when i was just trying to mind my business it went on for years even to the point i had to go to mental ward cause it was messing with my mind and still does as an adult. cause ppl dont realise how much negative situations can still affect u later on in life.

i think my birth chart really let me down cause its like i always got the short end of the stick in most if not all situations whilst others would succeed and be praised for their work or whatever it was i felt like a scapegoat for other ppls bullshit. i honestly despise how society has turned out. it is not any better than when it was without social media, the internet just gives knobhead bullies places to hide behind their screens.

society always said that ppl need friends and to rely on others or that being nice gets you far in life, bullshit it just means ur an easy target for ppl to be mean to u or to hold misjudgements about u or if u try to be urself and love urself ppl dont seem to like that either. u even see it when kpop idols try to be someone different than what knetz expect like hwasa for example nearly went to jail and all she wanted to do was be herself. see what i mean? its hard work to win people over and you can never force anyone to like you its all based off their first impression of you or what you can offer them in return for their attention and so on

its only going to be worse now with social media being so heavily relied on bc society can then choose who it ignores and who gets more attention than others it really mf sucks at times. it always seem like ppl who are awful or toxic get the most attention or for instance if someone done sometning bad or wrong that get more attention than those who done something good, even serial killers have fan bases. so i dont know anymore. back on the topic of kpop you just know that when idols do start dating publicly it aint going to go well bc internet once again seems to hate when others are happy and successful in their life. all in all i dont think any generation was perfect but i do think older generations had less hassle when they didnt have to constantly be online all the time like everyone is nowadays.

sorry its so long but yeah its been exhausting fr, kpops like a good distraction but only a brief distraction thank you so much again for letting me rant a bit!!

'how long had they been following me for or who sent them and how did they find me there when we had only just arrived. or if i hadnt run back in side would something bad have happened to me like maddie?'

thats good you got to safety , you have a good sense of awareness .

"cause ppl dont realise how much negative situations can still affect u later on in life." Yes this world can be really cruel and scary for sure , good that you got mental health so brave to take those steps.

yes Hwasa received a lot of hate , Im going post about what an older generation actress went through soon .

dont ever give up , because Hwasa say she create a new beauty standard in indursty where they want everyone to be size 2 and super pale . look like an anime character.

#hwasa #mamamoo hwasa

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trentskiiii · 2 years

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enough for you - mason mount ft. dec

: this was inspired by enough for you by olivia rodrigo (angst- NOT HAPPY ENDING (unless i do a part 2) , only read if u wanna be heartbroken) this is my first fic :((( you wld think my first wld be about trent but ive been thinking about this idea for forever and thought mason would be a better fit :) i didnt do a proofread bcs this took me so long😭

desc: you and mason mount have been in a relationship for around 2 years. you realised that the way he treats u n how u feel everyday in the relationship quickly changes. what will happen when u talk to him about it? WARNINGS: some curse words and then just PAIN PAIN AND PAIN AGAIN.

SHOULD I DO A PART 2 WITH DECLAN RICE?!?!?!?!

you woke up of your sleep. light peeping through the blinds of yours and masons bedroom. you’d move into his house after a month into the relationship. the relationship that you noticed was beginning to deplete, but you never knew why. and you were sure he didnt too. everything changed after the prior 3 years of friendship, when you two met at a coffee shop. cliché right? you two always joked about it, saying it was meant to be. or at least used to. for the past 2 months, he was getting distant. after his away game against real madrid. you turned to his side of the bed, as usual, he was not there. in fact you barely saw him nowadays. only an hour or two before he left the house in the morning, and another few hours when he came home to sleep. you couldn’t help it as a tear streamed down your cheek as you thought about the state of your rs. you took a long, deep breath before wiping the tear and getting up. you made the bed and headed downstairs.

“Morning, babe!” you exclaimed. A bright smile plastered onto your face, as if you hadnt been crying a second ago. You were greeted with barely a smile as he nodded, looking down at his phone. “So whats the agenda for today? Date night’s tonight right? Make sure youre back by 10!” you reminded, praying he hadn’t forgotten about it. You saw his brows furrow as he looked up at you slowly. You knew you weren’t going to like his response. “Shoot, i’m so sorry babe. I made plans with the boys and i dont think theyd like it if i cancelled.” he said blankly. Not a single hint of sorry for you. even though he said it, you knew he didnt mean it. You could feel your heart crack. A straight line down the middle. This was the 5th time he’d cancel consecutively. It’s like you didnt matter to him anymore. You had to say something.

“Cant cancel on the boys. But of course you can cancel on me. Do i even matter to you, Mase?” you asked, genuinely but with a laugh. You didnt want to show how much it hurt you. “Dont start y/n-“ you quickly interrupted him, “Dont, start what Mason? Now i cant even talk to you without it turning into an argument? Answer me, Mase? Do i matter to you?”

“What dumb question is that, y/n/n? You’re my girlfriend, of course you matter? And you’re the one screaming! All i wanted to say was that i’d rather be with the boys-“ Silence. Both of you now staring into each other’s eyes. He knew he fucked up. “Y/n. I didnt mean it that way. Im sorry okay?” he quickly broke the silence as he saw you try to hold back your tears. But failed and it felt as if the whole ocean was pouring out of your eyes as you wiped them away. “You walked up the stairs quickly, hoping he’d follow you, but he didnt. instead, he just picked up his phone and acted as if nothing had happened.

As you sat on the edge of the bed in your shared bedroom, his words kept replaying in your mind. What changed? He was head over heels for you in the beginning of the relationship. Treating you like a princess. Never hurting you and always making sure you were happy. Was he cheating on you? You hated yourself for thinking that of him but what else could you do? You took the hint that he didn’t want to be with you at that moment and quickly packed your essentials into your handbag and grabbed your keys. There was only one person that could help you. Declan. He was both yours and masons bestfriend. But, you knew for a fact that he wouldn’t be with Mason that night because Mason was supposedly hanging out with his other gang. Outside football. You’ve never even met them. For all you knew, “the boys” could have been code for some chick he was shagging behind your back.

You finished packing, sneaking in one of Masons tshirts, not knowing how long youd be away from him. Obviously you would miss him. You pace down the stairs and head towards the front door. “Where you headed, Pie?” he asked innocently. You cringed at his use of your nickname- Pie. He called you that because on your first date, you shared a slice of pumpkin pie at the cafe you two met. “Out.” you replied bluntly, grabbing your car keys. The door slammed behind you as you got into your car, and drived quickly towards dec’s.

“Y/n! I missed you!” you were greeted by a certain someone, with a pair of green eyes and a smile as bright as the sun. You two began catching up with each other on his living room couch.

“How’s Mason? Havent seen him in ages!” suddenly your smile disappeared. Every week without fail, mason claimed to be meeting up with declan. So who was he meeting instead? Why did he lie? Your train of thought was quickly stopped when dec tapped your shoulder lightly. You asked him about it. Confused.

“You sure he said he was meeting me? Havent spoke to him around 2 months? Yeah i think so” you began putting the pieces together. tears started dripping down your beautiful y/e/c eyes. “Hey, hey. What’s wrong, y/n/n?” declan asked as his thumb swiped your falling tear. “i-i-is he cheating on me, Dec? Am i not enough?” you asked, your voice trembling. “What? Of course you’re enough, y/n. You’re more than enough. Don’t ever doubt that.” he pulled you closer as you rest your head on his chest. One of his hands across you chest and another supporting your neck. He chose not to say anything involving Mason because he himself didnt know anything about his situation.

The two of you eventually fell asleep on the couch. You were the first to go after crying everything out. And declan, afraid to move, he also dozed off. you reach for your phone and opened it. Hundreds of messages and notifications. From your friends, instagram, twitter and what interested you most, from mason. One voicemail and 5 missed calls. You clicked open the voicemail and listened.

“Look y/n. Im sure you’ve seen the articles. Where are you? I’ll meet you there and we can talk about it.” you furrowed your brows, confused. So you clicked on y/bsf/n’s message, with a link attached to it. The text below it read, “Im so sorry babe. Call me soon. Im here for you.” Your heart beat growing faster and faster and eventually felt like it was beating at a pace of 1000miles an hour.

“FOOTBALL STAR, MASON MOUNT SEEN WITH ANOTHER GIRL AFTER BREAKUP WITH FORMER LOVER, Y/N” the headline read. what. the. actual. fuck. You sobbed silently for the 4th time that day. and the day was not even half over. But declan quickly woke up to the feeling of tears wetting his tight fit grey t shirt. “Y/n, what’s wrong? Im sure he’s not cheating. We dont even know the fully stor-“ he stopped as he saw the article through your phone screen. “Oh, y/n. Im sorry.” he could only say so much. he knew you were feeling completely shit. If only he could, he wouldve punched the shit out off mason. but he knew it would only make things worse.

———————

A few days passed since then. You were still staying at declans. Every few hours, he would knock on the door offering a glass of water, food or a talk. To which you would decline until he had enough of your stubbornness. “y/n, youre drinking this, then eating this. and im not taking no for an answer.” he said putting a glass of warm water and a bowl of takeout from when he went out earlier on the bedside table. You wiped your remainder tears off your pale cheeks with your hoodie sleeve. and taking a sip of the water before putting it down. “He was my everything, Dec. Why wasn’t i, his? w-wh-what was lacking? am i not pretty enough o-o-or was i not sexy enough? was i not good enough?” you stuttered. you were genuinely confused. all those things he said about you. were they lies? did he mean it? “i wore my makeup the way he liked it. i did everything to make him love me. ever since the day we met, i remember the exact way he liked his coffee. but it wasn’t good enough. the second he found someone more interesting, he left me. did he even love me, dec?” “y/n, of course he did. i still remember the day he met you, he was telling me about your gorgeous eyes, perfect smile, soft hair and the way you laughed. he was in love with you. im sure he still is. Get some rest, y/n. I dont like seeing you like this. and eat up.” he pecked a kiss on ur forehead before leaving the room. declan always understood you. but no matter how much comforting anyone was able to give, you were still hurt. you still cried every minute of the day. only pretending to stop whenever declan checked in on you. the cycle continued. —————-

you heard a knock on the bedroom door.

“im alright declan, it’s okay.” you said, sniffling. it was obvious by the strain of your voice that you weren’t in fact alright. suddenly the door opened. “y/n.” you heard a familiar voice. it wasn’t dec’s.

“what are you doing here? get the fuck out mason. i dont need your explanation. i don’t wanna see you.” you mustered up whatever energy you had in you to say that as you used your hoodie sleeves to wipe your tears again. “my t shirt in your hands says otherwise.” fuck. you were clutching onto the t shirt u snuck into your bag. not anymore as you threw it towards him and it landed on the floor in front of him. “now get out” you ordered again. “i just wanna talk y/n-“ “about what exactly mason? about how you’ve been shagging some blonde chick behind my back. 5 years of my loyalty, my love, ME and so much more wasnt enough for you to stay? you just meet some random slut and leave?” “dont call her a slut y/n. she has a name.” he said sternly. you rolled your eyes and let out a laugh. you were hurt. deeply. “get out mase. i cant be assed talking to you” listen y/n. can we just talk it out like mature adults.” he negotiated. you hated how he was playing the good guy at that moment. and your heart hurt more and more at each of his words. you realised he wasnt there to fix your relationship. he wanted to clear his name. “yeah. because mature adults cheat on the people whos madly in love with them. mature adults lie. i assume you’re only here so you’d stop getting backlash right? because people are hating on you for being a cheater?” you asked rhetorically. you didnt want him to see the other side of you. the one declan had to live with for the week. “you’re one to talk, y/n” mason spoke again. “what are you doing in declans bedroom anyway? seems like you’re comfortable. it’s obviously not your first time here” how dare he. how dare he assume that of you. “what the fuck is wrong with you mason. just fuck off. declans my friend and he was there all the times you weren’t. all the times you were busy in some hotel fucking how many other girls. what exactly do you want from me. i meant nothing to you. everything you said were just lies.” you couldn’t help your tears now. you were basically sobbing. mason just stood there. watching. “Pie, dont cry love. Please dont.” he started walking towards you. “dont call me that mason. you dont mean it. im not your love and neither do i go by pie. please mason.” your tone was lower now. you were basically whispering, your voice breaking. he swiped your tears. “im sorry y/n. you don’t deserve this.”

#mason mount angst #mason mount x you #mason mount x reader #mason mount #mason mount fanfic #mason mount x y/n #enough for you #mason mount blurb #england fc #chelsea fc #chelsea #fanfic #angst with a happy ending #declan rice

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treetownconfessions · 8 months

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new-ish to the blog (been here about a month....,,) and i wanted to finally get this off my chest bc it was killing me. i'm queer as hell now but BACK THEN when i was 11-13 i was a cis boy who just liked reading comics and doing a jump everyday in hopes of becoming the tallest jumper in the world. and at the time i found out about happy tree friends and got into it very fast, both bc the gore and extremity was edgy and cool to me and because i genuinely liked the characters. i developed a crush on flippy, because, who didnt, and finding out a LOT of htf fans felt the same made me happy at first. but it became really clear nearly all the people who crushed and fangirled over him were girls irl and i felt like a weirdo about it because i was a BOY and i had a crush on flippy who was ALSO a boy. BUT seeing those same people ship flippy with other boy-characters in the show gave me massive mixed messages, because everyone seemed to love it when it was in-show only and i hadnt EVER met another boy online who had a crush on flippy so i wondered if it just wasnt allowed when it was outside of that, even though i wanted to express it with everyone else so bad. i couldnt go to my irl friends bc none of them were into htf and i was worried theyd think i was weird anyway. so my solution to keep crushing on flippy while still being normal to everyone else was making a htf oc that was quite literally a self-insert of myself, all the way down to the comics i liked irl, and shipped him with flippy. but i never told anyone it was my self-insert and just said it was an oc very unrelated to me and i wanted to keep it that way. i made horrible art of us and wrote equally horrible fanfic of this "oc" and flippy, bc i thought it was a genius solution to expressing my adoration for flippy whilst keeping the handful of followers and online friends i had satisfied bc it was boy x boy stuff. i never wrote/drew raunchy stuff about them bc as far as i can remember it was just shit like going on a date with flippy at the library or having picnics with him etc etc. but once i shared a recent fic with one of my online friends about them and at some point they went "you wrote it like an x reader so i thought it was self insert lol" and i was genuinely in shambles. i thought they were accusing me of having a crush on flippy myself and they were about to expose me or something (they didnt even know i was a boy irl so i dont know??) so i defensively told them it wasnt a self insert and i wasnt attracted to flippy in the slightest. but i was really rude about it and they replied saying they never said that, they never accused me of having a crush on flippy or anything like that and it was just a mistake. i dont remember the entirety of our messages but i remember getting so butthurt and angry i kept telling them to fuck off and that it wasnt a mistake on their end and they HAD to be accusing me of actually liking flippy. i blocked them and i cried so hard into my pillow i could barely breathe and i considered running away from home that day bc i was convinced that person was gonna tell everyone i liked flippy even though i was a boy and somehow get to my irl friends and family and i would be considered a freak for it forever. i stopped posting my art and fics of that "oc" and flippy after that and i didnt know how to delete my account at the time (it was on deviantart) so i just logged out and never touched it again. ive been thinking about it recently now as an adult and i forgot the password to that account so everything is still up and there hasnt been a new comment since 7 years ago but it keeps me up at night thinking about the person i cussed out and all the published stuff

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re--feminize-me · 5 months

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not a sexy ask, sorry. How have your friends and family reacted to your detransition? Has it been hard on you socially? Are you happier? How do you look back on your time as a man? Does being a woman mean something different to you now than it did before you originally transitioned?

Thanks for sharing whatever you're comfortable with!!

no need to apologize, and thank you for the ask!!!!! lets break this down so its not a block of text.

1) mostly pretty well, and the ones who were weird about it im no longer talking to anyway for other reasons. havent told my family yet honestly bc theyre going to use it as an excuse to call being trans a phase and i HATE that idea so I've been putting it off and will continue to do so as long as I can. Not sure how to deal with that can of worms honestly, my family is pretty terrible.

2) Not really!! My friends have for the most part been super understanding and lovely about it. As they say the people who matter wont mind and the people who mind dont matter. The hardest part is being out in public bc i have a full beard and get read as transfemme every time if i dont wear a face mask, and I live in a relatively conservative area compared to the rest of my state.

3) Honestly yes, I feel like I'm finally living my best life. I was a solid okay with my body before and now I love my curves, among other things.

4) I think of it as a period of time that I needed to go through to find myself as I am now, yk? Like I wouldnt be who I am today if I hadnt lived as a man for almost a decade. Also I think I needed that to find confidence in myself, to find peace within myself, etc. I wouldnt have been able to do that if I had been a woman the whole time. And yes, i do think I was a man, but that my gender is changing, and I'm very okay with that!!!! I also think I would have been more enby from the start if my mom hadnt reacted the way she did (read: Very Badly) to me saying i thought i might not be cis, but who knows.

5) Oh 100%. I cant put it into words but yes a thousand times yes.

#non-sexy post

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everythingsinred · 1 year

Text

what follows is a long, rambly, and possibly sappy thank you note to the best fandom ive ever involved myself in. if you have ever sent me an ask, commented on my fics, or replied to a post i made (or even liked it tbh)--then this post is for you. (and this is most certainly not a good-bye or even close; i just occasionally get into sappy moods)

i want to start working on a career that i like, and my mom’s recommendation was to start a writing blog (she insisted i dont call it that though--to call it a “website” so it sounds more professional when i apply for writing gigs). its not the first time shes given me that advice but i have for some reason always resisted that idea before. “nobody would read it” was always the bottom line. that whole “it has to be perfect to make up for the fact that it’s me” has always been my outlook on anything i produce. its why i feel so poorly whenever i post a new chapter of a fic or any art ever. its why im taking so long on the next batch of ga essays. its why ive never formally submitted any writing ever for publishing. why would anyone read anything i have to write, especially with no dead fandom to prompt them? who would choose me out of all the aspiring writers out there?

for ga it was a bit easier after a bit of breaking through the initial anxiety of sharing bits of myself. its a small fandom. not much content going around. theyd take anything right? even if it was from me!

but something really weird happened these past few years in the ga fandom. i started writing essays and became more vocal, posting my thoughts, writing a long, dark, fucked up fanfic. i got feedback from people who wanted more from me. theyd ask me my thoughts on things, when id never considered myself an authority on anything or even very interesting to talk to (a lifetime of being the substitute friend will do that to you). ppl sent me asks about questions. they replied to my posts to further discuss things. me! what on earth?

then it got weirder. i posted my weird messed up little fic and now every once in a while ill get a comment from a person that says that my fic is their favorite, not just in the fandom, but ever. EVER. what? a couple of people have told me that they’d read anything i wrote, even if it had nothing to do with gakuen alice.

that they’d read something just because it was me.

this isnt a rant or a vent. something has changed in my self esteem in the past few years because today, when my mom told me i should start a “writing website” and post weekly writing, it actually sounded like a decent idea. no part of her advice was different than it had ever been, but i was. i could for the first time imagine starting a blog (website) and picture someone actually liking what they found there. and that’s bc of the ga fandom and bc of the writing ive done it for it and SPECIFICALLY the writing ive actually had the guts to share.

none of it has been perfect. im lazy when it comes to self-editing and when i finish writing a chapter im eager to just throw it out there instead of rereading it once, let alone twice. a lot of it has been imperfect, but you guys still read it. you enjoyed it, even. “it has to be perfect to make up for the fact that it’s me” has never been a problem for you. for whatever reason, quite a few of you like me, like my writing, like my ideas and thoughts. a couple of years ago i wouldnt have been able to fathom that, not even in my wildest dreams.

im proud of myself for taking those first steps a couple years back, for posting those first couple posts and letting myself get involved in the fandom for a manga ive loved for half my life. im proud because if i hadnt done that, then maybe my self esteem wouldnt have developed like this. maybe i wouldnt have been able to picture a career in publishing as clearly as i can now. i obviously still have issues as far as my self esteem is concerned. i second-guess myself. i talk down to myself. i put off rereading bc i dont want to hate what i create. but you guys have helped me like my writing and helped me see that other people can like it too.

i am beyond grateful for that. i dont get a lot of traction or feedback like i would if i were in a larger fandom, but i dont mind. the feedback that i do get is of such good quality and has meant so much to me that it has potentially changed my life. i just needed you all to know that. that the people who have sent me asks, both on and off anon, requesting my thoughts on any topic; the people who leave comments on ffn and ao3, giving support ranging from long paragraphs to a brief sentence; the people who dm me or message me to share their thoughts on my work; the people who commented on my natsumikan essays telling me that ive helped them see something from a different perspective--you all have helped me see that there’s value in the things i create.

i just want to say thank you. it has meant so much to me so far to be able to feel so confident in my writing. i really didnt even notice the change until today. how bizarre is it that something so important can change without you even noticing? i look forward to sharing more with you, from more fics to the mikan essay (which still has to be perfect, just maybe not as perfect as it wouldve had to be a few years ago lol).

don’t be nervous that this a good-bye. it is not. it’s strange because whenever i’ve said anything like this (sent a message of adoration to a person i love, for example), people think it’s a bad sign. that i’m saying good-bye, or that it’s somehow a sign of something unsaid. i understand. this kind of nonsense sappiness (like all that stuff i wrote up there ^) is usually saved for the ffn bio when someone is leaving the site, for the good-bye post when someone decides to leave a fandom. “you’ve all meant so much to me and i’m leaving now.” that’s because usually people save all the important things for the end. you only say how you’ve felt when you say farewell. i don’t think life should be that way. i’m not saying good-bye, i’m saying i love you. i think people should say that more. i want people to feel good about themselves for what they’ve done, however small, to make my life--and undoubtedly the lives of others--a little brighter. and you have. you should know and i don’t intend to keep it to myself until i say good-bye (whenever or even if that happens).

tldr; i love you gakuen alice fandom <3 youre not dead because dead things cant give life the way you have.

#me and the gakuen alice fandom: a love story for the ages #my beautiful messiah.#if i ever come across as confident #especially in my older posts #that is incidental. i am always nervous to press post. this fandom has helped me grow so much yall have no idea #ga #gakuen alice #little anya things #this is partially a musing on my conversation w my mother abt the website #but also partially a response to every post on the ga tag complaining abt the dead fandom #i feel like its maybe unfair to judge the fandom based on how few ppl post (when its not even that few--i do track the tag)#when so many ppl love it and are eager to jump in on conversations to talk about it #it may be small but its passionate. passion is the lifeblood of any media that has stuck around in ppls hearts as long as ga has #i dont think that should be understated #my advice as someone who also mourned the 'death' of the fandom:#talk anyway.#youll bring all the ghosts out <3 and theyre for the most part quite friendly #if nobody reads this thats okay. i just needed to say it

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