#What a fucking journey reading those tweets back
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I have no art to post— actually I do. It's my studies and sketches, sfw & nsfw, things like that. But I haven't been deliberately drawing something. Mainly I've just been focusing on sharpening my art skills to gain commissions as I'm a freelance human artist, in the midst of AI chaos, I'm trying my very best to keep up while not draining myself.
So I just want to give you some updates of my life, idk if this is important or not. I'm still a bit constipatedly (is this even a fucking word lol) awkward with communicating with my followers or advertising myself. Ironic, really, bcs I majored in design & advertisement.
Hi there, my lovelies—I hope you don't mind me calling you all that. I've been trying to do healthy habits and diligently fulfill my needs in 3 aspects. Mentally, spiritually and physically. For the past 7± years, I was not really in a great place mentally. I will not expose it in this post, don't worry it doesn't have anything to do with drugs or whatnot. Just that I've been constantly working and working, controlled by fear and my anxieties and I got depressed I think.
I didn't really understand how to actually 'heal' back then. But now I do now. Starting from January I've been trying to bounce back to have a healthy mindset again— trust me when I say I'm an overthinker & problem solver, it's such a nightmare to live in this body sometimes. Fellow overthinker, problem-solver & feeler type will relate to this perhaps hahah.. I'm a turbulence type too, fucking yay. Luckily, my prayers are answered. I can't write it down one by one here, you would be reading a 10k+ fanfiction and I'm sure you'd rather have me draw or write a real fanfic, smut would be preferable won't it? lol
I have many things change, become my better self (bcs I was, still am obsessed becoming better than my past self and I'm tired of living in such dark headspace). I do feel the changes, it helps that I have better friends, filtered out some that affects me negatively. This journey going into my 30s really is such a roller coaster, I never liked my 20s bcs of all the trauma and pain. But I wouldn't be able to reach this point if it wasn't for it.
So.. I'm grateful. Trying to always be grateful too, no matter how hard my circumstances are. I have faith that I will get what I've always envisioned and dream of
I'm also grateful that in 2022, a friend encouraged me to post my Gahan fanart. Now this may seem like biased and dedicated post for my Gahan moots & followers, in some way yes, I cannot deny that. But mostly this is too all of you, who come here and follow me bcs you like my arts & fanfics, supports me however you can despite having our own hardships that we may or may not share here. Your responses to my creations really feeds me and help me boost my confidence to keep drawing & keep creating, keep hoping. I always read your hashtags here, a lot of you are really such a hilarious individuals. I'm grateful my art can find you or you find my art and take delight in it. Because I do take delight in your reactions. In some ways, I never realized it, but you guys feel like penpals. It still feel one-way communication most of the time, idk if it's because of my awkwardness to respond to such responses. Feeling like, ah this too will pass or just bask in the reactions and sit then do nothing productive. I'm kinda scared I will be satisfied with one post and then not post anymore. You get it.. Yea you can probably tell by now I'm up in my head thinking too much. Posting that first Gahan fanart on twitter really was the best decision. It feels like I gained a special community, that's surprisingly still active and alive till this very day, I'm always waiting for new fics to drop gosh. I get to see tweets & tumblr posts that are deranged, detailed analysis, fan edits, those gifs, aus, fellow artists & authors! I get to know little bits of your daily lives too and what kind of person you are online haha, just so fun.
And then my freelancing journey.. My decision to become a freelancer has always been one of my dreams but boy oh boy isn't it fucking hard to start from 0 and exist in confusion haha. Money doesn't come easy too bcs I help feed my family along with my siblings. I've been swallowing all my jealousy seeing ppl my age can go out and watch concerts (even tho I don't like crowded & noisy places like that). Going on vacation, be in a romantic relationship, marry, so on and so forth. Idk if this is tmi posting my feelings like this out in the world, but it is what it is.
So.. TLDR:
Hi, I'm alive. I haven't post or updated much bcs I've been focusing on my well being. Honing my art skills, trying to get art commissions to put food on my table and simultaneously enjoying life as much as I could wisely. Thankyou to all of you who are still following me and keep supporting me, I will have to say, If you follow me for only Gahan posts, I have to disappoint you bcs I won't always post Gahan bcs I draw other things too. For my enjoyment, yours, others and mostly for me to gain market for commission too. This is norm, I'm sure most of you realized that too. But I still want to address things to you, I like interacting with all of you. I won't be surprised if one day you leave/unfollow, but let me be grateful to you while you're still here supporting me ^^
That's all for my update. I try my best to make this post as short but effective as possible so I don't bore you with my long ass writing, per usual lol. I cannot seem to write in shorts, I have accepted my faith lmao.
I wish you all well, wherever you are. I hope we can all be happy and well in this dark and uncertain place. Don't hesitate to give comments or drop questions here, I'm cooking my skills and art taste so I can give more to you and be satisfied with what I will achieve along with the progress.
See you in the next post!🌟
#artists on tumblr#fris#letters#somewhat#an update of my life#because I've been away#and just improve my life to be healthy and better overall#for my#mental health
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God there's so much to fucking unpack here and I don't mean Fonda's thumb or jensen's ass.
This covers a lot. From people forgetting this is The Boys and not Supernatural (whether complaining if his interviews mention Cas, or saying they basically just wish DEAN was this gay so this gay doesn't count cuz it's not Dean, because HOLY FUCK some of yall have lost the FUCKING plot.)
I feel like I should have to pay admission to watch the spectacle of mental gymnastics people who built the "phobic jensen didn't want destiel being sexy" narrative from their own headspace cartwheeling past him getting horny to play SB bc of a bi sex scene. Yall. Pls.
The overwhelming fucking cognitive dissonance I've seen in some long rants trying to superglue that perception of theirs back into almost holding up is wild. Why talk mostly about SB AND NOT CAS?? are YOU GUYS OK? ITS INTERVIEWS FOCUSED ON THE BOYS.
had to read, one tweet to the next, "I understand jensen is a professional that sticks to the script", you know, for his Boys character, for the Boys, with a few head nods to other topics. But then bitchmoan he doesn't spend time waxing deeply poetic about Cas. Fuckin. R U OK.
But that's just the Cas shit. It's the ones spraying homophobia, whether external or internal, at openly gay, outright visual content that is bound so tightly to the character's concept they made it the audition script.
This entire fucking conversation is whackadoo. This is goddamn television. I promise you, nobody is out here illustrating the experimental queer sexual journey of a likely one season character as a fucking SEXUAL EXPLORATION PLOT in a goddamn action scifi thriller genre about a MYTHOS BASED VILLAIN. Things are put there for a FUCKING REASON you homophobic numpties.
The cartwheels out here are gross. Yall saying shit about "group sex/experimenting doesn't make someone queer" no shit? But this isn't a person. This is a character, who has like, five episodes he's actually fucking in, you goddamn clods.
Genuinely questioning the motives and agendas of people trying to straight splain what would be queer sex on screen as some experiment that doesn't matter cuz hes not REALLY queer. People's homophobia wrapped in pretending to be allies, or maybe internalized is REALLY on display
like i'm curious. In SB's like, five eps in a large ensemble cast, how many anal penetrations between men meets these people's bar of Actually Gay Enough? Like do we need jensen anal sex every commercial bumper to hit quota? Is there a required ratio of M/M oral too? Or, considering how fucking disgusting you're being, is this a bunch of women that expect only "gold star" anal sex from M/M to count even though that pisses off a huge chunk of that demographic.
Though I gotta say, when I said yall would straightsplain XXX anal penetration somehow, I thought I was exaggerating. But no, here you are, straight splaining SB getting pegged by Fonda AND reassigning the gender of playboy jensen spoke bc, I guess you know his scene better?
So next time you let any of those blogs try to tell you that you shouldn't enjoy X volume of queer content, remember they've moved the goddamn goal post so far it's not even on planet earth anymore. It's somewhere on planet pornhub, past the "Men generally fucking each other" and probably in some bizarre cum or inflation fetishist wing at this point. That's not about representation, yall. You don't need to see repeated bouts of jizz running down Jensen Ackles' legs while he waves a pride flag and screams "I AM BISEXUAL" for a character to be fucking gay.
STOP ERASING US WITH MANIPULATIVE RHETORIC YOU KNOW BETTER THAN FOR ALL THE ABOVE REASONS.
Literally. Jensen ackles taking fingers or dicks on screen is, apparently, not gay enough for you.
But I'm sure the teen friendly network of the CW was DEFINITELY going to go harder than those expectations for you at some point, right? That's a totally sane and reasonable goal post... right?
I don't know WHAT bullshit issues these people/blogs have that they're acting like this, but seriously guys,
DEAL WITH YOUR BULLSHIT. THERE'S A LOT OF SHIT TO UNPACK AND ITS NOT JUST FONDA'S FINGER IN JENSEN'S ASS.
THAT'S YOUR SHIT COMING POURING OUT. NOT JENSEN'S.
Maybe you have internalized homophobia and this is making you face shit. Maybe, just maybe, some people were SO INVESTED in their homophobic jensen headcanon, they would rather display spontaneous negative IQ points than admit, yeah, sorry guys, apparently I had you attacking an ally with some shit I made up inside my own head.
Instead you keep supergluing this nonsense back together in some of the most blatant deletion I've ever seen. This is at least as bad as the Shameless incident of people trying to say Mickey wasn't really gay even after the gay sex and gay wedding and shit. Holy fuck. Stop. With "Allies" like you guys, who needs MAGA enemies? At least that shit was straight up homophobes, but this is supposed allies all lashing out because it's not a ship from AN ENTIRELY. DIFFERENT. FUCKING. TV SHOW.
AND I SHIP THAT SHIT TOO.
BUT HOLY SHIT.
THERE ARE OTHER THINGS IN LIFE THAN DESTIEL.
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you perfectly summed up why i have anxiety going on twitter... i tried to only follow people who don't engage in things like this and just tweet wholesome things but sometimes i can still run into a toxic comment... it's especially bad under other official tweets where people from other fandoms join and spread their bullshit, and i just simply can't look at any of those tweets anymore. and people from our fandom do that too. i don't understand why anyone would make this their whole personality or life. i do understand wanting to support someone and wanting them to succeed but why do we have to degrade other people for that. why can't we say that multiple groups are successful. because they are. why does someone immediately think of 'it flopped' when 'A' group's song doesn't chart or sell like 'B' group's does? it's not a flop. people still love the music. why do we have to measure everything in numbers and charts. i miss the time when we just simply enjoyed music, and enjoyed what the artists did. i know not only the tannies but other artists would be really disappointed in fans who act like they are constantly in war with other fandoms. idols are friends too, and they support each other as much as they can. we should do the same. and i think especially with korean artist, when western media and the music industry still treats them the way they do.. we shouldn't try to 'gatekeep' them. if bts did it, others can too. and we should help them achieve what the artists want to achieve, because we are here to support them. and hell, if someone wants an award, our first thought shouldn't be 'no, you can't because xy already got that award and nobody else can have it', it should be: okay, so how can we make it work. this is still about numbers and charts, i know, but since these are important to so many artists, it should be important to us too. but not in the way of 'i'm going to try my best to help this artist win this award but not because i genuinely want them to win it, but because then i can go under another tweet and say my artist has this and yours doesn't'. and that's a really big problem with army too... sure, the tannies always said they appreciate fan voted awards a lot, but i feel like the majority of the fandom doesn't vote for the tannies. they vote so they can say we got this and the other fandom didn't. i think the music industry also tries to play into this and push this 'there can only be one' agenda and it's so fucked up... there are so many talented people out there and i wish we could just support them unconditionally and not try to tear each other's throat out every time something happens. i know the tannies wouldn't want this. they support so many other artists, so we can't we?
and i know the fandom loves to bring up their journey and how hard it was because they were accused of so many things and the music industry didn't want to acknowledge them and is still racist against asian artists, and that's why many armys are so protective of them.. and i don't know how i feel about this, because yes, they really built themselves up from nothing, and their journey is really beautiful. but that doesn't mean they have to be the only one to succeed.
I read your message and just went “yes! exactly. yep. literally.” I wholeheartedly agree with your takes on all of this. You perfectly described a huge problem in parts of this fandom, which is that horrific superiority complex of quite many. I just can’t grasp the idea of justifying this much arrogance because you’re being a fan of a boy group. That is.. not an achievement? Also – no one likes sore losers, yes, but same for conceited winners… or is that just me, I don’t know. In my eyes, it would have so much more impact to just lay back, enjoy the success, and remain humble about it. And also to regularly remember that bts’ success does not (or rather shouldn’t) affect your own life in the slightest.
I could probably write a whole essay about the whole fandom war thing. As someone who has absolutely no problem having bts as their ult group and wishing them all the best while simultaneously enjoying lots of other kpop artists, I can’t wrap my head around these very childish fights going on. Kind of a more sensitive issue for me since I feel personally addressed when there’s discourse about “multis” (the fact that there’s a derogatory term used for people who enjoy more than one artist.. think about that). Would never deny that other fandom’s don’t talk shit, but armys are certainly no angels either. Also it doesn’t matter who started, what does count is who ends this kindergarten behaviour.
To come to an end here: I agree with your music industry point and the inappropriate, narrow-minded approaches to kpop in general. As to your very last thought: … yeah. I literally muted the word “paved” on twitter, I think that’s saying enough
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hell was the journey but it brought me heaven !!!
*ੈ✩‧₊˚ in which their invisible string was a random unhinged tweet from her and him being her brother's best friend.
or
for when you find someone who's exactly like you and will love you in all the right ways. ˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚
social media au // daniel ricciardo x fem!reader
warnings - language
author's note - back for a while :))) i hope u like this <3 thank u so much for reading, i love you <333333
≡;- ꒰ °twitter ꒱
≡;- ꒰ °instagram ꒱
liked by lewishamilton, maxverstappen1, danielricciardo and 875,315 others
yourusername im actually the chillest girl alive if u don't count the batshit insane shit i've done and continue to do so
8,628 comments
username GIRL WE KNOW
username BITCH HOW ARE U NOT GONNA ACKNOWLEDGE THAT TWEET
username so we all collectively agree that *that* tweet was targeted and it was targeted at DANIEL
username wonder how max is holding up tbh like losing ur bf to ur sister??? gawd dayum
username the most unhinged thing she has ever done and im not even surprised like
username babe js tag him at this point
maxverstappen1 answer my phone.
-> yourusername and u r?????
-> maxverstappen1 IM HOW U WILL MEET UR END IF U DON'T ANSWER THE FUCKING PHONE
-> yourusername im telling kelly u yelled at me in MY comments section
-> username girl made max so mad he said "u" and "ur" and "im"
username i SCREECHED when i opened twt like???
username daniel is cheesing so hard rn like that lil shit is probably enjoying this sm
username lando charles carlos lewis NANDO crying over losing a girl to the mf who was unemployed for like half the season
username daniel NOW is the time to slide UP in her dms
username max is gonna feral at the next race
-> username he'll purposely be going slow JUST so he can have daniel kiss the wall i can feel it
-> username FORMULA ONE IS SOOOOO BACK LET'S FUCKING GO
username needed this drama in my life yes 🙏
charles_leclerc "batshit insane shit" and it's you breaking my heart
-> yourusername in another life, i let you make me potentially poisoned pesto (and make ME into pesto)
-> maxverstappen1 WHAT IS THAT THING IN THE PARENTHESES IT DOESN'T EVEN MAKE SENSE
-> username PLEASE max is so suffering bc of this
username SHE KNOWS WHAT SHE'S DOING
landonorris 3 isn't even that good of a number
-> yourusername idk i like 3 ://
-> landonorris 4 is bigger than 3 js sayin :)
-> yourusername he's bigger where it matters
-> maxverstappen1 HOW DO U KNOW THAT
-> yourusername GIRL HOW DO *U* KNOW THAT
-> username someone get daniel here asap omg
username SHE HAS NO FILTER IM SCREAMING
username lando saw that tweet and burst into tears
-> landonorris real
username max is driving with a personal vendetta in next race
username "batshit insane shit" love to see new poetic devices being invented
danielricciardo hey
-> yourusername heyyy
-> username 3 "y"s GIRL GET UP
-> username we lost her guys
danielricciardo i heard you like big noses
-> yourusername ahahahahaha what!!!!!!!!
-> maxverstappen1 DANIEL RICCIARDO I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN
danielricciardo what's your favourite flower (THIS IS A TOTALLY UNRELATED QUESTION)
-> yourusername i love pink roses (YEAH OKAY I BELIEVE U)
-> maxverstappen1 i'm chucking those trash flowers in the trash it's ON SIGHT
-> yourusername go take a nap since u wanna act like a kid maxverstappen1
-> username PLEASEEE
username half the grid pulling at their hair rn
username i know nando is fuming rn likeeee this is such an L for ALL of them
maxverstappen1 this is what happens when you let someone have unsupervised internet access in their childhood
-> yourusername as if u and i aren't cut from the same branch. i saw those texts about charles and im not afraid of being a homwrecker and f1 deserves to have all the slutiness BACK! i owe sebastianvettel that
-> maxverstappen1 FALSE ACCUSATIONS
-> sebastianvettel do it for the bees
-> maxverstappen1 UR INVALID GO AWAY
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danielricciardo added to their instagram stories
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liked by danielricciardo, lilymhe, carmenmmundt and 912,829 others
yourusername saying "me n who" knowing exactly who
9,628 comments
username SHUT THE FUCK UP OHMY HOF
username no WAY that's not daniel
username ??? what?????
username y/n i just need one PEAK at those lestappen texts i will never ever ever ever never ever ever never ever never ever bother u ever again like never ever again
-> username no bc f1 needs the slutiness that seb jenson nando brought
username someone cover max's eyes pls my boy cannot handle this
username THE SECOND AND THIRD PIC OMGJAJAJA
username sleeping on the highway until someone tells me what's going on
lilymhe me and you ❤️
-> yourusername forever and always ❤️
-> alex_albon what am i??? a cabbage???
-> yourusername a cabbitch if u will
-> alex_albon someone ban her from the paddock
username live love laugh y/n verstappen
username WE'RE MAKING PROGRESS PEOPLE
username THE TATTOOS??? THE ENCHANTÉ T-SHIRT??? AND UR TELLING ME THAT IT'S NOT DANNY RIC??? die
username THE HEART PIE IM GONE
username every day the urge to hug a tree at 257 mph grows stronger
maxverstappen1 you and no one.
-> yourusername im one more "????? leave my bf alone ?????" text away from clicking a few times and posting those texts DON'T TEST ME
maxverstappen1 you're banned from the paddock
-> alex_albon THANK YOU
-> yourusername ok fernandoalo_offcial charles_leclerc lewishamilton carlossainz55 landonorris
-> fernandoalo_offcial official aston martin guest
-> charles_leclerc official ferrari guest
-> lewishamilton official mercedes guest
-> carlossainz55 official ferrari guest (PREMIUM PACKAGE)
-> landonorris official mclaren guest
-> username wow
-> username she really do be browsing through the paddock like she's on ebay i aspire to be her ❤️
username girl ur not sly at all
username no bc im SOOOO rooting for her and daniel like they'd be the it couple
username extrovert bf flirting with everyone 🤝 extrovert gf flirting with everyone
danielricciardo you and WHO
-> yourusername me and landonorris
-> maxverstappen1 PLOT TWISTTTTTTTT
-> username they have officially made max lose his mind
-> landonorris y/n you PROMISED AND DANIEL DON'T RUN ME OVER PLS
-> username y/n is a menace for that comment and im here for every second of it
danielricciardo fuck you landonorris
-> danielricciardo i hate you
-> danielricciardo fall down the stairs
-> danielricciardo delete your entire account
-> danielricciardo DEACTIVATE
-> landonorris LEAVE ME ALONE I DID NOTHING
danielricciardo ok kid
-> yourusername don't call me kid don't call me baby
-> maxverstappen1 LOOK AT THIS GODFORSAKEN MESS THAT UR MAKING!!!! pls stop
-> username look at how they massacred my boy he's saying "pls"
username the paddock is about to go up in flames IM GIGGLING
username i know who my 🐐 is
username everyday i wake up and everyday i am surprised that y/n has managed to achieve unachievable levels of unhingeness
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liked by yourusername, carlossainz55, maxverstappen1 and 1,861,874 others
danielricciardo she's so pretty i report everyone who comments under her posts
tagged yourusername
12,728 comments
username oh he's down BADDDDDDD
username honestly true bf behaviour
username exactly like why u tryna hit on my girl (they're dating in my head)
username need me a man like daniel asap
username if he doesn't do this then i don't want him
charles_leclerc it's true
-> fernandoalo_official can confirm
-> landonorris absolutely right
-> lewishamilton saw it with my own eyes
-> carlossainz55 never has there been a truth more truther than this
-> oscarpiastri he just did it again
-> scuderiaferrari everyone is correct
-> mercedesamgf1 he's not wrong
-> username no bc what kinda blackmail material does daniel have on EVERYONE
-> username oh hell naw he's deffo pulling some strings
-> yourusername daniel give everyone their phone back
-> danielricciardo ??? i don't have their phones what???
-> yourusername really
-> mclaren yes really
-> username THE SILENCE
username going feral over this
username max's blood pressure is reaching sky high limits
username AHHHSJSJSJSKSKKS THEY'RE SO
username parents (REAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
username everyone on the grid and their grandmothers are crying bc the lil fruity and the lil shit and the lil goofy dude js managed to rizz up THE y/n verstappen and they were conscious to witness it
-> username u got it the other way y/n rizzed HIM up
-> username fr like that tweet started this *vague gesturing*
-> yourusername exactly put some respect on my name
username never will get over how daniel and y/n were BARELY acquaintances and now they're terrorizing the entire grid together
maxverstappen1 report yourself before i do it for you
-> danielricciardo child i taught you everything you know
-> username HE PULLED *THAT* CARD
-> username it's getting litttt y'all
maxverstappen1 stay away 🤺🤺🤺🤺🤺
-> danielricciardo my bad, let me just show her the way out of my bedroom
-> username poor max 💀💀💀 they're js terrorizing him at this point
username good night to daniel and y/n and them only fuck the rest
username live love laugh y/ndaniel unfolding before my own eyes
yourusername daniel what is this breakfast-less behaviour
-> danielricciardo I HAD A COFFEE
-> yourusername THAT DOESN'T COUNT
-> username breakfast-less behaviour im crying 😭😭😭
yourusername u crazy asf i think im in loveeee
-> danielricciardo "think" 😒😒😒😒😒 think again
username fuck everything the real question is who was y/n calling in the first slide (IF THE PHONE WORKED)
-> danielricciardo she called max and asked him to let me pass in the next race because "it builds character and will help my almost-boyfriend think highly of my stupid asshole of a brother"
-> yourusername drinks were weak bc i would've said that shit sober
-> username trust us babe we KNOW
≡;- ꒰ °instagram stories ꒱
yourusername added to their instagram stories
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liked by danielricciardo, lilymhe, carmenmmundt and 996,518 others
yourusername he's not js some guys he's my babygirl
tagged danielricciardo
9,629 comments
username will never get over y/n and daniel buying matching hotwheels like
username HE'S SO BABYGIRL
username grandma alert in the last pic
-> username PLEASE OMG
username they're MY emotional support people
username i need a timeline of their relationship with extra notes like my life depends on it bc it DOES
landonorris y/n, once again, 4 is bigger than 3
-> yourusername he's bigger where it matters
-> landonorris YOU'RE (ASS)UMING
-> yourusername i don't have to now
-> username I YELLED OH MY GOD
-> username GIRL PLS
-> username she did NOT hold back
username bf who is so babygirl 🤝 gf who is js just some Guy
username EXTROVERT X EXTROVERT WILL ALWAYS EAT UP
username i live for the f1 men fighting for their lives in the comments
-> username y/n is here to make them WORK for no reason at all and i respect her sm for it
username y/n y/m/n verstappen u will always be famous
username CANNOT WAIT FOR THE DANIEL TAKEOVER ON HER ACC
-> username STOP BC daniel.jpg IS ALREADY HER FANPAGE
maxverstappen1 get this off my screen before i throw up
-> yourusername every time u open ur mouth u come closer to being blocked
maxverstappen1 this is getting out of hand
-> yourusername leave me ALONE
maxverstappen1 he's not your babygirl??? why are you calling him a babygirl???
-> yourusername u need to have an enlightened mind to understand it
username max is js a tired brother DONE with his sister and best friend
username i know max's bp spiked after all this like pls let him LIVE
username max regrets not banning y/n from the paddock after the 2018 tyre incident
-> username PLEASE THAT WAS HILARIOUS
-> username LMFAOOOOO I WILL NEVER EVER LET THAT GO
username praying for daniel bc max is out for blood
lilymhe he's just a side chick
-> yourusername duhhhh
-> danielricciardo wow. what about our child huh?
-> maxverstappen1 WHAT CHILD
-> yourusername we adopted a baby tortoise
-> danielricciardo we named it shell-e
-> yourusername u can be the godfather IF u agree to never ever chase daniel with a spatula ever again
-> username too much to unpack here i'll js move on
username WHAT DO U MEAN THEY ADOPTED A BABY TORTOISE AND NAMED IT SHELL-E
username this js keeps on getting interesting
danielricciardo last picture was so unnecessary
-> yourusername shut up i love ur grandma core aesthetic
danielricciardo shell-e and i miss you :)
-> yourusername missing my baby sm <333 u too
-> danielricciardo don't bother coming back
-> yourusername im taking shell-e
-> danielricciardo i get max then
-> maxverstappen1 I DON'T WANT EITHER OF U
-> yourusername ouch
-> danielricciardo harsh
-> username Y'ALL LET THAT MAN BREATHE
username this is historic
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liked by yourusername, carlossainz55, landonorris and 999,628 others
danielricciardo me and my girl don't argue. she bash my head with a rock and i walk it off.
tagged yourusername
10,971 comments
username "my girl" PEOPLE DIED
username GOING FERAL OVER THIS AHJSJSJSJSJS
username relationship goals honestly
username idiot (affectionate)
username SHE'S SO UNAPOLOGETICALLY PRETTY I WANT HER
*liked by danielricciardo*
username i live for men who r shamelessly in love with their significant others like yesss!!!!!
username spoken like a true man
landonorris all this until she trips you in front of everyone
-> yourusername IT WAS YEARS AGO LET THAT GO
-> landonorris TELL THAT TO THE MEMES CIRCULATING THE INTERNET EVEN NOW
-> danielricciardo i'm just gonna leave
username WE'RE DATING OH YEAHHHH
username daniel got that rizz 💯‼️🔥🗣️🥶
-> username daniel RIZZiardo
username everyone talking maddddd shit abt how daniel rizzed her up when we all know that daniel Stops Functioning whenever y/n talks
-> yourusername REAL TALK
username someone sedate me before i microwave a fork
username max is seething rn i can Feel the fumes
maxverstappen1 i will bash your head in
maxverstappen1 stay away from my sister
maxverstappen1 SHE WILL BULLY YOU TO DEATH
maxverstappen1 she called you an idiot the first time she saw you btw
maxverstappen1 daniel i thought we talked about this
maxverstappen1 OH SO UR REALLLLLY GONNA DO THIS TO UR BEST FRIEND
maxverstappen1 i hope death takes me swiftly and INSTANTLY
maxverstappen1 don't call me up. don't text me. don't come over to my house.
username my man max going through all the 5 stages of grief in the comments
-> username PLEASE has max not suffered enough
username did we really witness maxiel break up in the comments???????
username none of the things that im witnessing are in the constitution of ANY nation
-> username y/n nation???
-> username that's the land of the unhinged and cursed
-> yourusername the highest compliment thank u i blushed and giggled
yourusername you got me saying ":3" to my friends
-> danielricciardo what friends
-> yourusername I HAVE FRIENDS OUTSIDE OF THE PADDOCK
-> danielricciardo no you don't
-> landonorris no you don't
-> maxverstappen1 no you don't
-> charles_leclerc no you don't
-> lewishamilton no you don't
-> carlossainz55 no you don't
-> yourusername fuck u all omg
yourusername i got that biker rizz i can ride all day longgggg
-> danielricciardo trust me i know
-> maxverstappen1 this is kelly and max wanted me to tell you all that he's so angry and mad and furious and livid that he is unable to type and is currently reconnecting with nature so as to not murder his sister or daniel wait he's back
-> maxverstappen1 AHHHSHSHSHHEHSHSJ
-> maxverstappen1 inhale
-> maxverstappen1 someone hand me the bleach
-> maxverstappen1 i need an exorcism
-> yourusername bring kelly back she's not mean unlike u
-> maxverstappen1 SHUT THE FUCK UP
-> username they really made him a soldier
-> username the keyboard smash.......what is this reality
instagram
liked by danielricciardo, lilymhe, francisca.cgomes and 1,268,976 others
yourusername hell (having max lock me in a room bc i made an "inappropriate" joke about my BOYFRIEND) was the journey (getting out of that room by jumping out of the window two feet from the ground and falling in a dumpster) but it brought me heaven (we got cake afterwards)
tagged danielricciardo
11,927 comments
username OH MY GOD
username babe wake up new y/ndaniel lore js dropped
username HELP THEY'RE SO????? WILD???? CRAZY???? BATSHIT INSANE????
username i live for the taylor swift reference
username THEY'RE SO PARENTS
-> username pretty irresponsible parents but parents nonetheless
username i want them
username max leave them ALONE
landonorris you falling in a dumpster and then falling down the front stairs is what makes this life worth living
-> yourusername watch ur back on turn 1
-> landonorris YOU DON'T EVEN DRIVE
-> yourusername MY BOYFRIEND AND MY BROTHER AND MY HOES DO
-> username love y/n shamelessly calling half the grid her hoes like she KNOWS
username i ❤️ them even if they're mothefuckers
username what would i give up to have this kind of relationship
username nobody talk to me i need 3-5 business days to recover from what daniel said about her in that one interview
-> username "i wish i would've met her sooner because before she came in my life, i missed her so bad"
-> username ugly crying with my plushies this is so NOT done
username On my way! to send tweet abt a fruity mf to have this
maxverstappen1 you deserved that timeout
-> yourusername u deserve to have ur ass handed back to u by mum but u don't see me actively trying to achieve that
-> maxverstappen1 IM CALLING MUM
-> username love how y/n can make max go from "stable headed lowercase" to "UNHINGED CAPS" like
-> username this deserves to be scientifically studied 🧠🔬
carmenmmundt love you princess ❤️🩹 hope your ankle is doing better
-> yourusername carmen the 🐐 thank u for rescuing me and for making me the most sickest pasta ever!!!!!!!!! charles_leclerc take notes
-> charles_leclerc carmen banned me from her kitchen
-> carmenmmundt stay away from fire and all things sharp. you are a walking hazard.
-> yourusername honestly so justified
username i will never understand just HOW she's so chaotic like ???? miss ma'am ???? do u not rest
-> maxverstappen1 demons don't rest
-> yourusername is that why ur up and lurking in my comments section at 4 in the morning
username this is the best thing that has ever happened to me
username the first pic is so cute im crying fuck YOU
username was the cake good
-> yourusername yess!!!!! it was red velvet AND we got this big ass chocolate cookie with it :))))
username max regrets his LIFE
danielricciardo all along there was some invisible string (an unhinged tweet from you) tying you to me
-> yourusername at least u found a sexie girlfriend who lets u colour in her tattoos
-> danielricciardo yes my built in colour book
danielricciardo gf
-> yourusername bf
danielricciardo my girl my girl my girl
-> yourusername my man my man my man
danielricciardo please never let max go on a vacation with us it's SCARY
-> yourusername mum banned him from going on a vacation with us if it's not a GROUP vacation dw :))
-> maxverstappen1 this is cyber bullying
danielricciardo you're so cool baby jumping out the window like that
-> yourusername i know that 2 feet distance got NOTHING on me
username dear god
username WHY CAN'T THIS BE ME
#f1 x reader#f1 x female reader#f1 imagines#social media au#fake instagram imagines#daniel ricciardo fluff#daniel ricciardo au#daniel ricciardo imagine#daniel ricciardo x reader#daniel ricciardo#daniel ricciardo x y/n#daniel ricciardo x female reader#daniel ricciardo x you#daniel ricciardo x verstappen!reader#daniel ricciardo instagram au#formula one x y/n#formula 1 x reader#formula one x reader#formula one imagine
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Bruce is really cucking up a storm to Jordan Peterson lately and going on about how much he learned from him and gushing Twitter comments about thank you thank you this is your Hero's Journey (cuz bruce has been stuck on Joseph Campbell forever, as somebody who doesn't read very much -- which is also why he's been hung up on Peterson forever, like stupid people who don't read very much do)
not sure why the Trump 5 are so abysmally stupid that they repeatedly consider themselves 'free thinkers' for pulling something out of the rightists and saying YES THIS
they honestly are so fucking dumb -- so beyond Dunning-Kruger inept -- that they truly think libs cannot do this.
if they knew antyhing about Realituh, they'd know they aren't the first to cuck themselves to what Republicanisms and conservatisms seem to offer them. The neoliberals practically make whole careers out of this.
It takes a strong, independent, truly committed to world-betterment guy like Bernie Sanders to not cuck himself to the rightist notions, but those are few and far between.
these purple-pilled idiots -- all 5 of the Trump 5 are purple-pilled idiots --
they truly think that! they truly think libs are somehow not pro law and order (as they are) and not pro border security (as they are) and not pro capitalism (as they are).
they truly think that they were the first people ever to cuck themselves to rightists when it serves the selfish and hateful, unpalatable (brings to mind Eminem's line: most of you critics can't stomach purple-pilled people eaters, let alone stand them) and it's true i cannot stomach or stand em-- my dad makes me want to blow chunks of vomit the most as the most damaged of the bunch -- anyhow, baby boy they've always been
that they're the first person on planet earth to develop this capability...
and that they're somehow 'oppressed' by 'society' for this 'free thinking'...
then there's this huge big kicking and screaming baby wail Bruce is making about how ALL MY LIB FRIENDS WERE NEVER FRIENDS AT ALL CUZ THEY DISTRUST ME IF I GET INTO ALL THIS RIGHTIST CRAP
how many times is Bruce gonna stupidly bleat this?
your friends were right to distrust you
you were a piece of shit cucking yourself
and now you're still reblogging Jordan Peterson and talking about you as you try to help your pathetic incel life out of a hole and forget about the ugly ass woman you don't love who you married as you jerk your cock on twitter.
now you're desperate for Jordan to like your tweet and validate back how you were able to use Peterson to become an ugly blubbergut waggling your dick behind your wife's back at the camera...
seriously, the mound of blubber covering up where his abs should be wrecks his homemade pornos every time, and he's too much of a Trumpcuck and Petersoncuck and Christcuck to know he's not nearly as sexy as he thinks he is -- he is so fucking dumb he truly thinks he has sculpted an Adonisbod -- sure if Adonis had a strange case of needing lipo --
your friends were wrong to ever trust you to begin with
there was only selfishness, selfishness, selfishness and the way
greed and laziness turned ya into a cuck, Bruce
your whole family only exists cuz yr dad cucked ya
nothing to do with biology
none of your religion has anything to do with you (other than you are stupid and stupid people are more suceptible)
none of your witchcraft has anything to do with you (other than you are stupid and stupid people are more susceptible)
none of your tarot astrology has anything to do with you (other than you are stupid and stupid people are more susceptible)
Bruce plays the victim every day and that's one thing you can always count on a Trumpcuck to do -- play the victim.
Well, the truest victimhood of the Trump 5 is and always has been that they're the victim of Trump, but they are far too fucking dumb to ever even come close to 1) seeing it 2) admitting it 3) fixing it 4) all of the above
the correct answer is 4. that level of profoundly cucked stupidity... and every single one of the trump 5 is that profoundly cucked.
Bruce latched onto Trump and Jordan Peterson and Elon Musk and Douglas Murray and ... pretty much any old Nazi available 'helps' when your daddy cucked you into a rightist and you don't know what you're fucking doing with your life and need to be a Proud Boy to feel alive and 'strong' -- he feels they 'helped' him when liberalism was crushing him (lol you have to be the biggest fucking wimp ever to not be able to handle liberals, bitch plz all that's gone on is your daddy programmed ya rightist and it made ya a whiner Wonderloaf about how hard life is without Daddy Trump or Daddy Jordan -- and i know it cuz you were always that big of a wimp and are still that big of a wimp to need such daddies, and you will forever be weaker than me by a factor of 10 to a factor of 100, somewhere in that range most likely)
yes, you were always a selfish pile of shit
and you were always weak
and you always needed a daddy
and you will forever need a daddy
anyhow, Bruce is quite a Proud Boy about how Japanese tv is putting him all over tv and his gross family and some cucks of Trump don't get it because they don't have a countercultural bone in their body:
nobody gives a fuck about your tv show
the fact that you are a Proud Boy about your tv show just goes to show what a fucking cuck of The Donald you are
the revolution is not a tv show
i have less respect for you because you're yet another
typical capitalistic stupid Wonderbread America
who thinks LOOK MA IM ON TV IM A TV SHOW I WIN
like a total fucking cuck as typical as it fucking gets
well, dumb dumb, everyone's on tv these days
the fact that you're on it doesn't make me 'jealous'
it doen't make you powerful, it doesn't make me wish i were you
it makes me think you're fucking lame and pathetic as every phony idiot asshole American Wonderbread ever produced. you could be on primetime from 8 - 9 ET and have ratings of 2 billion viewers and i'd still think you're an asshole failure piece of shit because it's not about MUH HIT TV SHOW MAKES ME THE SUPERIOR MAKE AND MODELIN TOY STORY
it's about how you treat others and what others are to you.
without that it's just assholes wanting their 15 fuckin' minutes.
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Gather round for the shit show that is tonight's live tweet session...
It's #SVUxOC crossover night & as per usual I do *not* apologize for the hot mess that will be me live tweeting these episodes! 😉😘
Okayyyyyyyyyyy #SVUxOC
Goddddddddddd #SVUxOC
Send help. - already - send help. #SVUxOC
I'm not gonna lie I forgot which show was on until the opening credits because my mind is still on Liv calling El back #SVUxOC
Also is anyone else so nervous they feel like they're going to throw up?? All of the jitters #SVUxOC
WARNER! #SVUxOC
OH #SVUxOC
Can they please hug tonight because I need them to hug #SVUxOC
I'm going to need something nice to happen for Liv by the end of this crossover thank you #SVUxOC [this did not age well]
"He was my brother" #SVUxOC
Okay someone ANYONE hug Liv please #SVUxOC
Shirt
"Oh, I think the performance art is over" #SVUxOC
I love that @DaniMoneTruitt is live tweeting with us! #SVUxOC
AGAIN SOMEONE FUCKING HUG LIV #SVUxOC
Benson & Stabler together in an interrogation roooooooom #SVUxOC
Or room in a jail - semantics #SVUxOC
BENSON & STABLER DOING SURVEILLANCE TOGETHER #SVUxOC
Ahhhhjjjjjhnnnbnb
AHHHHHHHHHHH
WHAT DID YOU TELL THEM #SVUxOC
OH SHIT OH SHIT #SVUxOC
Ayanna Bell that was not clear enough I need more #SVUxOC #OrganizedCrime
NOPE BIG NOPE #SVUxOC #OrganizedCrime
No #SVUxOC #OrganizedCrime
Nope no nope nope nope
fml #SVUxOC #OrganizedCrime
Right so do I start drinking now? #SVUxOC #OrganizedCrime
Shot of rum ✅ #SVUxOC #OrganizedCrime
Omg you're giving me Liv with her kid voice rn #SVUxOC #OrganizedCrime
Fuck me the way they just smiled at each other come on #SVUxOC #OrganizedCrime
I need the rest of this episode to be Elliot & Liv so that I stop bad spiraling please #SVUxOC #OrganizedCrime
Liv in this scene 🔥🔥🔥 #SVUxOC #OrganizedCrime
Oh I can't deal with thiiiis
Why are they not making out right now
SMILESSSSSSS
No no don't keep doing *everything* you're doing though
"I don't know who that was last night" okay well #SVUxOC #OrganizedCrime
Major side eyes to Angela rn #SVUxOC #OrganizedCrime
PROTECT AYANNA BELL #SVUxOC #OrganizedCrime
Gimme this diner scene already though #SVUxOC #OrganizedCrime
Those rolled up sleeves 🔥 #SVUxOC #OrganizedCrime
Why is W*lf liking my thirst tweets only 😂😂😂
I'm sorry I stand corrected they liked one that wasn't a thirst tweet as well lol
No nope nonono
Ohhhhhhh damnnnnnnn
WHERE IS THE DINER SCENE WHAT IS HAPPENING
THIS GODDAMN PROMO
So the diner scene.... I... It's obviously not going to be on svu next week so it's got to be on OC right??? It better be next week!!!
If that diner scene isn't in a future episode they better release the deleted scene
#🤡#What a fucking journey reading those tweets back#The way we thought there was going to be major EO & Elliot fucking kissed Angela#And then... Ugh I don't even want to think about it honestly#Love how I was like I fully recognize they might give him a rebound before Liv - I don't fucking like it though#This idiot said I love you to Liv!#And where is the diner scene?!?!?!#SIIIIIIIIIIIIGH#oc spoilers#svu spoilers
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I'm OVER THE FUCKING MOON about the Victoria Mahoney news.
On July 10, 2020 she tweeted "Further proof of why old genres need new eyes" in a rave about The Old Guard. That was 7 months after the world premiere of a movie that gave her a major career boost as second unit director but that was otherwise a complete nightmare of corporate interference and failure to plan a cohesive franchise story and above all antiblackness in Hollywood.
I think Victoria Mahoney is EXACTLY the kind of person who those of us who love Nile and Joe and Quynh and Copley and Lykon and Andy and Nicky and Booker want to be directing 2 Old 2 Guard.
She had a front-row seat for what happened to Finn and Jannah and Rose and Poe in the production of Rise of Skywalker. Keep in mind that experience she'd just had when you read this list of things she said last July that she loves about The Old Guard (2020) dir. Gina Prince-Bythewood:
“[Comic Book Film with Soul]
Unforced honesty underneath every monologue.
Arc given to each immortal.
Effortless synchronicity across fight seqs.
Meaning behind the cast of characters.
Depth of love exchanged along the journey.
#TheOldGuard isn't your grandpappy's action film.”
This is a creator who cares about each character's story and how each arc intertwines to make a cohesive whole. A creator who's seen how love for a story and its characters isn't enough to prevent a finished product from being a pile of shit. The subtext of this tweet is crystal-clear to me: in all the most important areas where Rise of Skywalker failed, The Old Guard succeeds.
I'm thrilled for Gina that the success of The Old Guard means she's too busy with new projects to direct the sequel. It's what she deserves! And I'm thrilled for us that the person she's passing the baton to loves this movie for the same reasons we do! And on top of that, she knows from experience exactly what Hollywood bullshit to watch out for, and how to fight back against it, so that 2 Old 2 Guard retains and builds on what made us fall in love with this world.
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Mon 10 May ‘21
LOUIS NEWS-- label and tour!! First, Louis has announced (or, well, Simon Jones PR has anyway, no word from Louis direct and yes, SJPR is still in the picture) that Louis is “partnering with BMG to release his second album globally”, an interestingly specific/ limited reveal. Fans are eyeing the wording and questioning whether he actually signed with them as a label (which they are) or just for publishing rights or distribution (which they also do, unlike most other labels)- the mention only of a ‘partnership’ supports the possibility that it’s something other than his new label, but it isn’t definitive and the simplest explanation of the press release is that BMG will be his label for LT2, as well as distributor and publishing company. The fact that they are small (relatively speaking; not one of the “Big Four” record labels but they’re hardly tiny) and somewhat new as a label does not to me seem like a reason why Louis wouldn’t have chosen them, as some are suggesting; there’s something to be said for being the big focus of a label rather than just another act, and Louis already chose that route once before when he signed with Arista (who are umbrella-ed by Sony but themselves not one of the big four) just after their relaunch, making him their biggest act by far. Also vague: “global” in this context doesn’t necessarily mean BMG has replaced Arista (his U.S. only label), it just for sure means UK plus the ‘international’ market, ie most of the rest of the world. It could mean U.S. too! Or not. We have reason to believe Louis was still with Arista as recently as a few months ago, and no evidence to suggest otherwise. The official press release says “recording is already underway” on LT2, and quotes Louis as saying: “I’m very excited to start the next part of my journey with BMG”. BMG- a new company founded after splitting from older label SonyBMG in 2008- claim to be “a new kind of music company” who are “not just a music publisher or a label” (they instead combine both of those things) in which “service to artists and writers is key,” and as part of that combine label services with holding publishing rights for their clients, often handled by separate companies and an area where songwriters tend to get screwed. BMG’s press also mentions their involvement with new technology a lot, and they represent Kings of Leon who have been at the forefront of the music industry use of NFTs (including releasing their next album as an NFT on a special NFT label despite being BMG artists). BMG’s twitter following more than doubled [edit: tripled now] in the hours after the announcement, and they followed Louis and tweeted to welcome him aboard from three different twitter accounts, including the U.S. one.
Slightly more commentary from Louis about the updated tour dates though mostly still press release style-- “Let's try this one last time!” he said, “All shows on my world tour will be moving back to 2022 and I’m excited to announce the first wave of new dates. I can't wait to see you all soon, it's going to be special!” and what should be the final dates for tour dropped, all in Spring ‘22- including a London show at Wembley, holy shit! Not every rescheduled date has been announced but those that are mostly have one thing in common-- much bigger venues than they were originally booked into. At at least one show so far fans will have to buy tickets again which sucks, but they are offering a pre-sale for previous ticket holders so at least those buyers only have to fight each other and not all the fans that joined the scrum in the time since the tour sold out. “After all this time and years of waiting this tour is going to be incredible, I can't wait!” said Louis and he’s not wrong!
And that’s all for serious news, over in Harry land things are...a lot sillier. A “bardcore” version of Watermelon Sugar was added to Harry’s official Spotify, LOL, and it is even more ridiculous to listen to than it is to imagine! I don’t picture it topping the charts anytime soon but it’s certainly an entertaining twist I was NOT expecting over the quiet weekend. The idea of Harry and friends deciding that needed to be legitimized on the official 36 million follower page is PRICELESS, and I would love to see Harry in a Gucci doublet and hose (or a nice laced bodice), but sadly it seems that the addition of the 2020 cover song to Harry’s account is a fuck up on Spotify’s end, as acknowledged by the Bard himself (no not Harry or Shakespeare, the person who did the weird cover- they do lots of covers in this style, it’s like a whole Thing. Medieval style covers of hits.) Meantime OUR bard was seen on the My Policeman set in a t-shirt reading “don’t ruin my fantasy”. New merch? I’ve never seen something more perfect for harries, they should consider it! This shirt though is from a designer with a focus on gender neutrality who donates to queer youth charities. And Kid Harpoon said, about WS (modern version) “at first, and I get this quite a lot with his lyrics, I thought, that’s kind of weird. Then you’re like, man, it’s brilliant. I remember thinking that with this. Harry’s so good at lyrics, he’s really growing into his own thing.”
Meanwhile Niall reposted (to insta AND facebook) the same outfit of the day video post he posted and deleted yesterday but left it up this time. It is clearly NOT today’s outift- damn Niall is my whole life a lie?! What can we trust in this treacherous world?? NOT YOU I GUESS. He also popped up on twitter to claim “no idea what you’re talking about” wrt him and Anne Marie teasing their collab without offering any actual clues about WHEN-- mhmm, like I said...
#louis tomlinson#harry styles#niall horan#Arista is a Sony label and Simon Jones is a Simon Cowell associate who was PR for 1D and has been for Louis since he went solo#and who sucks a whole lot. That said I know very well that the reason people are so obsessed with Louis cutting all ties with his old labels#etc#is that they believe all stunts will immediately be canceled on that day and I have to say… I don’t really think so#and arista being somewhat tied to sony isn't actually particularly meaningful#still distance from the old teams is always nice to see and at this point Louis has very few threads left tying him to them#10 may 21#bmg#bardcore#lttour#louis label#arista#anne marie#it's very early to post but I don't wanna have to rewrite this whole damn thing in an hour lol#even if we get more clarity later there are parts of the NOW discourse I want to address which there won't be space to do if more info#comes to light#I had to do RESEARCH this better get good notes and correct some misinformation going around#besides now I can focus on other things like FUCKING HELL I have to buy tickets for LA Again??? BOOOOOOOO#I ALREDAY DID THIS#AND IT SUCKED#AND i HAD GOOD TICKETS#arrgh#I don't usually do this but you know what? PLEASE REBLOG THIS#I just saw someone say that louis definitely signed a distro only deal and that syco was going to profit off it#i... don't even know where to beg#begin#syco literally no longer exists fro starters...
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my supervisor fucked me over with all my other coworkers present. can I request a one shot from you to cheer me up featuring Sammy?
Did I give y’all the fic about the hotpot?
Well if I didn’t, I’m giving it to you now.
Title: hotpot
Summary: Ganke checks the comments for the Blindspot comic daily and there’s this one asshole anon who keeps talking shit about BT.
--
The Blindspot comic went live in the fall and Ganke couldn’t stop checking the hit count every five seconds. All night there had only been ten hits.
He told himself not to be disappointed. The only person who really mattered had read and loved the comic.
Miles said that BT had even forced everyone on the team to read an abridged version of Journey to the West, and had gone as far as to make a quiz to determine everyone’s character.
Miles refused to disclose who he’d gotten.
BT had clearly rigged the game to make himself Sun Wukong and Ganke was proud of him.
That kind of enthusiasm was exactly what he’d been hoping for, anything else now was just icing on the cake.
Even though it would be cool if it wasn’t just BT reading his own comics.
That would be pretty cool, right? Like. If people online all started reading BT’s comic. That would be sort of amazing.
Kind of excellent.
Definitely worthy of an A+ and double pats on the back.
Right?
The hit counter didn’t think so. But hey, five more people had opened the page since last night. That was something, wasn’t it?
MM: dude why not just ask Sam to tweet out the link?
How dare you, Miles Morales.
How dare you waltz into this place with logical thought.
GL: I can’t do that. That’s like. Idk. Inflating the views.
MM: okay yeah explain to me how appealing to the person in control of the largest part of his own fandom is inflating the views
GL: I see your logic and I’m banishing it
MM: I’m messaging him
GL: DON’T
MM: too late
MM: he says ‘gimme link’
GL: asdksjsjdks
--
@blindspot: hi I know y’all can’t get enough of me to the point of asking shockingly invasive questions and for you I say good news! Some amazing folks have gone through the trouble of making a Blindspot comic. it’s good guys check it out [link]
--
It helped.
A lot.
It helped a lot.
--
People, on the whole, had great things to say. The panels were screenshotted and tagged and sent all over social media and even though Miles was pretending to be chill and aloof about the whole thing, Ganke could imagine him smiling big and bright and white at his phone non-stop.
Mom and Auntie saw a few of the bits on Twitter and tittered over them in the kitchen like pigeons.
The pride rose like a wave. Ganke kept waiting for the crash.
--
It came two days later in the form of a comment that read ‘Christ, look at all this fuss. BT is fine. I hate his brother.’
It felt like someone punching the wind out of Ganke’s lungs.
He took comfort in the handful of people who leapt in to shout down the commenter. They emphasized that if the anonymous commenter didn’t like the story or the characters, then they didn’t have to read it and they, especially, didn’t have to say anything about it.
Ganke appreciated those guys. He got the feeling that a lot of the people on there knew that the whole thing had been done but a couple of kids.
Not that Anon cared.
Anon replied to all these comments ‘No, I’m gonna keep reading, thanks. Anyways, the brother is lame. The smart part is cool, but why’s it always gotta be a guy?’
The part that haunted Ganke even after he’d shut his laptop and had gone to stick his head out the window for some big breaths of cleansing air was that Anon was kind of right.
--
GL: should we have made Guotin’s brother a sister?
MM: no
GL: why not?
MM: cause BT’s always wanted a brother
Oh.
Okay. Then it was fine?
MM: yeah man ignore them. it’s chill.
GL: k thanks my ego is huge and fragile
MM: trust me I know
Asshole. Fine, moving right along.
--
It didn’t stop. Anon commented on every page. Every. Single. Page.
Ganke didn’t know what to do or say. On the one hand, clearly this person was dedicated and deeply engaged with the comic, on the other hand, they needed a Rude Alert button. Ganke wondered if Ned could code one for them and them only.
The latest of their fury was directed at the big reveal in the second issue—BT’s face.
Having now met Sam, BT, Blindspot, Ganke’s whole image of him had changed.
He was not conventionally attractive as far as like, K-Pop idols and famous Chinese dudes went. His eyes were puffy and narrow and his face was round everywhere but the jaw. He leaned more towards ‘cute’ than ‘sexy,’ which Ganke sort of loved about him.
He was friendly. Stressed and grumpy and feisty as hell, yeah, but first and foremost friendly.
Miles claimed that he called it his ‘number one asset in employability.’ Which was wild because hello, Blindspot.
Obviously, BT couldn’t help his face. But Miles and Ganke could help Guotin’s.
Ganke had sent Miles about fifteen different images of Chinese celebrities and had told him to do his worst. They’d reviewed the final few drafts and had picked one that was most like a young Chen Kun. His face was more oval-shaped than BT’s. His chin and lips were slimmer but more defined. He was pretty, but not so pretty as to be called ‘feminine,’ which Ganke thought was a solid compromise between ‘handsome as sin’ and ‘looks like he’s got a quirky sense of humor.’
Anon hated him.
Anon thought that he looked like an idol, and they were not here for it.
They told ‘the artist’ to give him a mole or something, anything to make him look ‘less pristine. God, I can smell him from here and he smells like Dior and staph habitat.’
Ganke had to look up what a staph infection was. He regretted it. He asked Miles if they should censor Anon.
Miles said ‘mmmmm, idk it’s not like they aren’t saying anything that isn’t true.’
Ganke resented that. Clearly this was defamation of BT. This person hated him and was taking their feeling out on the comic.
MM: I mean yeah but it’s not like they’re talking about the comic, man. They’re talking about the style and like, thinking about it, a mole or smth to help you tell him apart from other folks would kind of be helpful. Like, especially if we ever put him in a crowd, you know?
HHHHHH.
Fine.
Anon could stay. But they were on thin ice.
--
It was hard not to be bitter about Anon’s comments, especially when they arrived daily, as though Anon knew exactly what they were doing and which page they’d left off at. They couldn’t possibly be reading the comic one page at a time, this was intentional.
Ganke’s jaw hurt from all the tooth grinding he’d endured as of late.
This latest one read ‘yo, has BT ever mentioned fighting with a sword? I don’t recall him mentioning. Someone should take that thing away from him before someone loses an eye—or maybe even two.’
That felt like a pointed jibe.
That turned the churning irritation in Ganke’s gut into something much, much colder.
Did Anon know about BT’s black and blue eyes? How could they know? Was it a coincidence? It seemed to be more than a coincidence.
The pile of critiques was growing bigger and bigger, and now that Ganke thought about it, they all seemed to take issue with things that didn’t match the real Blindspot’s personality.
It was as if they knew him.
GL: miles did you read the new comment from AnonTheAsshole?
MM: lol yeah
GL: tell me if I’m talking out my ass or whatever but like
GL: you don’t think they could be Muse, could they?
Silence.
MM: oh no
Yeah. Fuck.
MM: chances are low.
GL: they know so much tho??
MM: might be stalker? Maybe someone who’s over-invested in BT’s social media pages?
GL: maybe.
MM: hold on let me ask Spidey to screen it
GL: does he know Muse?
MM: no, but he’s paranoid and he’ll get Wade to be paranoid with him, and then they can decide whether its worth giving to DD for verification. He knows Muse.
Ganke’s head was spinning. His fingers shook with guilt and the thought of Muse’s pale body hunched over a secret, cracked cell phone in a high security prison who knew where.
In Ganke’s head, he smiled wider and wider, until the skin on his cheeks cracked. He dug out scraps of paper and redrew Blindspot—Sam—with gaping holes for eyes and a screaming mouth and he drew dismembered corpses in black lakes and he laughed.
He just kept laughing.
MM: hey ganke
MM: it’s going to be okay. It’s just a comic. I’m sure AnonTheAsshole is a stalker. They’re not threatening anyone.
MM: Sam can deal with a stalker. And we can too, okay?
There was a reason that Miles was a hero. Ganke wiped at his eyes and swallowed.
GL: okay. Thanks for doing that.
MM: 👍🏾
--
It took a few hours because Spidey and Deadpool had lives outside of being Spidey and Deadpool, but not so long that Ganke ran out of nails to chew.
Miles messaged him back and said that Spidey had read through everything and ‘escalated it.’ This meant that whatever he’d seen had caused him enough concern to take it to DP.
Miles said that he’d get back to Ganke with DP’s verdict as soon as he had it. In the meantime, he’d run the comments by the other Spideypeople and they thought that it most likely wasn’t malevolent but was maybe something to keep an eye on in the meantime. He tacked onto all, somewhat stiltedly, that he had a weird feeling all of the sudden. The pink Spidey’s tone had changed. She’d shut down and gone cagey, which allegedly wasn’t like her at all. Then she’d told the taller guy to DM her and they’d vanished from the chat. Miles wasn’t sure what was going on there or if maybe they knew something about stuff going on that he didn’t, but he wasn’t super comfortable with it.
GL: crossing my fingers its nothing?
MM: same man, same.
--
DP escalated it.
Ganke couldn’t stay still in his room. There was no comfortable place to sit or stand or lay. There was nothing to do that would make him stop thinking about everything.
MM: It’s gonna be fine, man, DD always knows what to do.
Miles kept saying that for every step of the way, and yet here they were. Double escalated. Ganke wasn’t so sure he even knew what was happening anymore.
That was scary. Miles was supposed to be part of the in-crowd.
MM: Wade doesn’t think it’s anything that can’t be nipped in the bud.
That was easy for a contract assassin to say, wasn’t it?
MM: he says that you and I are fine. Doesn’t see any links there. Waiting on DD for confirmation of tone.
Hurry up, Daredevil. Your apprentice’s life might be about to take a nosedive into a heap of trash.
--
Two hours. One text.
MM: >:/
Ganke couldn’t contain the bubble of laughter.
GL: good news?
MM: [image]
He opened it.
SC: HANNAH YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE. STOP BEING A BITCH ON MAIN
HC: You can’t tell me what to do
SC: I CAN
HC: Mom he’s being MEAN
SC: Mom she’s scaring children online
HC: I scare children everywhere I go why are these ones special???
SC: Because I said so
HC: that doesn’t fucking work Samuel you’re not her
SC: I am your older brother
SC: your ELDEST brother
HC: YOU AINT SHIT
SC: THEY DON’T COUNT
SC: HALFSIES COUNT
What.
MM: so.
MM: she’s not Muse.
MM: Red’s laughing his ass off at all of us for taking this to a level three
GL: wait I don’t understand
MM: Hannah is Sam’s little sister. She’s found a new hobby in our website.
Blindspot’s little sister was reading the comic??? Holy shit.
GL: she hates him?
MM: no I’ve been informed that they would literally commit murder for each other but this is how they express love.
No way. Siblings were wild.
GL: so we’re good?
MM: [image]
SC: apologize 🔪
HC: eat my ass
SC: apologize or else
HC: or else what? You gonna come in here and sit on me? Huh? Huh????
SC: I know your email password. All 3 you cycle through. What was his name? Uuuuuuuuuh Jing?
HC: you fucking bastard
SC: Hi Jing, it’s me, Hannah. I’ve been in mad crush with you since sophomore year. Please notice me senpai 😖
HC: Die
SC: kill me
HC: I will.
The giggles that came this time were a mix of relief and genuine intrigue. This lady read the comic every day. She took the time to scroll through pictures of her brother being an absolute lunatic and fighting with a huge monkey. Then she hopped into that comment box and took him—not Miles, not Ganke, specifically Blindspot--down a peg.
She must miss him a lot. Ganke wondered if this was her way of keeping him in her thoughts.
MM: I don’t think we’re getting a sorry, man. DD says Sam’s been at this all morning and has been tricked into apologizing himself twice
GL: so you’re saying that she’s an evil genius
MM: idk but she’s def Sam’s main nemesis. I always thought that older siblings got like, rights or something over younger ones, but idk anymore. Angel says this is normal.
GL: do you think she misses him?
Miles took a long time to respond.
MM: yeah
Yeah, Ganke thought so, too.
GL: should we change Guo tin’s brother’s name to ‘hamish?’
MM: ASDLDSDSFKdsjf
MM: one moment.
MM: sam says yes. Hannah says that she thinks our comic is shit and we need to draw everything uglier
GL: she’s kind of funny
MM: 👀perhaps she would like to be a consultant?
GL: 👀👀👀👀
MM: brb asking
MM: sam says no. Hannah says she’s got better things to do than proofread comics on the internet. She’s also not sorry. She wants that to be clear. DD says that the conversation has moved from English to Chinese and to maybe duck and cover for now. He says all is good tho. Thanks for checking in.
MM: Muse doesn’t use punctuation and talks in riddles, so if we get any of that, we’re supposed to send it to DP right away.
Oh, nice. That was a relief.
MM: oh
MM: sam wants to put us in a chat. Can I give him your number?
Uh, only if he wanted Ganke to hyperventilate.
GL: sure
--
[GL has been added to a Secure Chat]
It was a page of characters and emojis that were somehow more menacing than Ganke had ever seen them before. Miles popped a little waving hand into the fray, as though testing the waters, but the characters just carried on scrawling around it.
Ganke wasn’t quite sure what to do.
GL: hi? Are y’all okay?
There was finally a pause. Then a few shorter lines of characters. And then finally, Blindspot switched from Chinese to English.
SC: yes we’re FINE. We’re GREAT. Aren’t we, sibling from hell?
HC: who’re you? Why are you in our family chat? This is a family only zone, can’t you read?
SC: God Hannah he’s Korean don’t be a dick
HC: I can’t not be I learned it from you
SC: fair but pretend in the face of company
HC: okay fine. Hello losers.
MM: adksadfadsdfldfsldf
MM: hi
GL: hi?
SC: go on
HC: UGH
HC: fine
HC: I didn’t mean to shit talk your creation. Only my brother.
SC: also a sin, we’ll get to that later
HC: no one cares about you Samuel, stop spreading lies
SC: you first. We both know this is no lie, my white dad cares about me a whole lot
HC: well we can’t all have white dads now can we
SC: don’t be jealous
MM: lol you really call Matt your white dad??
HC: who is this person and how do they know our mutual parent’s name?
SC: this is not a mutual parent situation how many times have we been through this. He’s mine. Get your own.
MM: hi! 👋🏾I’m Bitsy! Spidey no. 4
GL: I’m his friend. He draws the comic. I write it.
HC: oh. nerd children x2
HC: anyways yeah Matt is our dad
SC: ffs
MM: he’s sort of dadly ig.
HC: ?? oho
SC: mind your face. Think about your face. Think about how much you like your face.
HC: little spider, did you not hear?
SC: kay everyone out. We’re done here
MM: hear what?
HC: lol Sammy you didn’t tell them about how Matthew Mcconaughey adopted you in all ways but paperwork?
Ganke held his phone away from his face as far as it would go.
MM: …wait are you for real?
SC: no. okay out.
HC: awwww Sammy so shy now. What are you embarrassed about? It’s cute.
SC: Hannah literally shut up I’m not playing
HC: damn okay sorry
MM: can I be honest?
SC: no
MM: I’m going to be anyways: I think we all sorta knew.
SC: …
HC: right?
SC: what does that even mean?
MM: idk, it just felt right, you know? You two are always fussing at each other and red lost his shit that time you got shot. He doesn’t treat you the way he treats the rest of us and we’re his teammates. He doesn’t even treat spidey like he treats you. So like, yeah. It fits.
MM: I’m really happy for you guys.
MM: is there a reason it’s a secret?
Ganke eased himself back down onto the mattress. This was real. This was like, actual, real information. Something that he and like, four other people in the world now knew.
He kind of wanted to forget it. It didn’t feel right to know.
SC: I dunno.
HC: if sam has an honest emotion towards anything he has to calculate its weight so he can make space for it in his collection of satellites.
MM: wh
SC: you’re so not funny.
HC: it’s called emotional repression, darling. It’s all the rage in this family.
MM: oh
MM: so that’s why you and Red get on so well
SC: HHHHHHH
HC: HA
SC: okay but listen his is different, I’ve only seen him cry at his wedding. I cry at least 4 times a week. Obviously under the bed, but that can’t be emotional repression. That’s expression. That’s clearly expression
HC: I can make the old man cry watch me
SC: please don’t I’ll die
MM: awwwww
SC: shut up it doesn’t even matter.
MM: AWWWWWW
SC: LEAVE ALREADY
MM: no I like it here. I want to hear you talk about how much you love your white dad
SC: I don’t. He loves me. I’m fine with this because it results in food, shelter, and continued employment.
HC: uh huh
SC: I’m using him
HC: yeah because you’re like the most manipulative person I know.
SC: thank you
HC: /sarcasm
SC: I know I ignored it.
MM: so wait why do you actually pretend like you hate him tho?
SC: wh
SC: what the fuck am I supposed to do? Just go on up for a cuddle? Have you met Matt? The second someone starts crying, he finds trash to take out to the bins. Hell no. Life is easier for everyone if I stab him with a stick and he kicks my ass in training. It’s fine.
HC: Sam is learning how to be a Manly Man. This is step one.
SC: I’m plenty manly
HC: you’re what mom imagined as manly
SC: which is perfect. That’s all I need.
HC: mama’s boy
SC: must suck to suck, no one’s kid.
Wow. Ganke had never been more glad that he didn’t have a sister.
GL: That’s kind of cool, though.
GL: that you and DD are close like that I mean.
GL: Its different from all the other mentor/mentee superheroes we see who like, sort of hate each other.
SC: wh
SC: OH. you mean Peter and Kate. Peter doesn’t actually hate Stark, fyi. And Kate calls Hawkeye the Old bi-weekly to make sure he’s still breathing. It’s actually pretty normal.
MM: he doesn’t mean like that Sam. I mean, like those guys don’t associate with their Olds now that they’re grown up and stuff, but you and DD stick together. It’s like you’re family.
MM: and that’s super cool. Idk if Spidey would ever consider me family. I don’t think he wants that for us.
SC: I?
SC: oh shit
HC: CLARITY ON THIS FINE DAY. What was your name again, tiny spider?
MM: miles
HC: PRAISE BE TO MILES
HC: AN EMOTION WAS HAD
SC: get fucked
HC: An epiphany was obtained!
SC: would you shut up
HC: Something has finally permeated that non-porous, two-inch thick skull of my esteemed eldest brother
SC: I’m your only brother
HC: you’re not
SC: they don’t fucking count
HC: now will you FINALLY invite our mutual dad to hotpot?
SC: Hannah he doesn’t want to come to hot pot we’ve talked about this. it’s too spicy for him.
HC: I’ll make it 1/3 less spicy
SC: that’s still too spicy
HC: I’ll make it 2/5 less spicy
SC: 3/5
HC: listen
HC: I have all this fucking equipment that SOMEONE left here callously
MM: what’s hotpot?
SC: 👀
HC: 👀
GL: 👀
SC: well fuck
HC: EYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
GL: have we never taken you with us for hotpot???
MM: no?? is this the sticks?
HC: can be. Where do you live?
SC: Hannah no
HC: Hannah yes. We’ll make one here. You’ll make one there.
SC: do you know how much shit I’ll have to buy? Where are we gonna put it?
HC: this wouldn’t be a problem if you’d taken your goddamn inheritance with you to SF
SC: HHHHHH
MM: you guys are actually being serious?
HC: I am. I am here all on my lonesome. Abandoned by my only kin. I require enrichment.
SC: try doing your fucking homework
HC: did anyone hear something?
MM: lololololol I like you
HC: 😊
SC: wh
SC: oh no. No no no.
SC: you two don’t get to be friends
HC: come here bb pspspspspspsps
MM: I’m here
HC: got ‘im. Let’s have hotpot. Sammy send me resippy. We’ll do it together over video so I don’t fuck it up.
SC: I’ve got to go. This has been traumatizing.
HC: byeeeeeeeeeeee
HC: is he gone? Hell yeah, he’s gone.
HC: hey thanks for making that comic thing. It’s hella rad. He loves it. Mom used to call him Monkey when he was little.
GL: omg aw
HC: ikr? P cute. He misses her a lot so I think it brought back good memories. Anyways, I’m actually going to make hotpot. Come over and have some with me, it’s more fun with more people.
MM: you’re not joking
HC: nope, it’s been ages since your whole team has gotten together, right? Ask them to do it. I’m a shit cook, but Sam’ll show us how not to screw it up. And he’s playin’, he’s totally down to hang out with us. We never had more than three people. It’ll be new. Exciting. Enriching even.
MM: are you secretly a nice person, Hannah?
HC: the fuck do you mean ‘secret’??? I’m a delight.
MM: Okay I’ll ask the team and my mom
MM: ganke?
HC: 👀
That—
Sounded kind of nice?
GL: I’ll ask my mom.
HC: nice. You can tell them that it’s a friends dinner or whatever. Idc. I promise I’m not going to kidnap and murder you. I’ve got like, class and work and shit. I don’t have time for that.
MM: 👍🏾
GL: 👍🏼
HC: great here I’ll message you my number. This is legit our sibs chat so Sam’ll freak if you’re still here when he gets back.
MM: thank you! And sorry for thinking you were muse!!
GL: yeah that too
HC: lol np ttyl
That…had really just happened, hadn’t it?
Ganke needed to sit down even though he was already sitting down.
GL: they’re so nice???
MM: ikr?
GL: are you actually going to ask your mom?
MM: Im gonna ask BT if its cool first. Then yeah. Why not? Our team really hasn’t gotten together in a minute. Everyone’s been super busy. It would be a nice change of pace, and if everyone brings smth then Hannah doesn’t have to pay for anything.
MM: ah, Sam says it’s okay. He says sorry his sister is weird and that he’ll make sure she doesn’t poison us.
GL: I kind of love her
MM: same
MM: okay will check in with the others. Talk to you later.
GL: yeah see you later
Damn, at this rate, Ganke’s family was going to triple in size, and all thanks to a comic.
Before he left for downstairs, he made a note to make Guo tin’s brother snarkier.
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Tommy's prison/revival arc isnt well written actually
Anyways ive been wanting to talk on it a while for a bit here but havent had the Time or like. The thought to. But im gonna go off now.
First off im gonna say im ASSUMING this stream and plot of tommy being in the prison with dream is written entirely by tommy and dream. Wilbur May be involved in the latest stream but im not sure.
Bringing tommy back to life after only three days of him being dead did practically nothing to progress plot, the characters, or audience's understanding. In fact i feel that it damaged Other characters' potential and plot and already established plotlines.
The 'development' aspect
A really, really easy way to see if anything has changed or developed through an arc or plotline is to straightup just compare the 'beginning' to the 'end' in terms of the barebones situation. So;
Beginning: tommy is trapped in an isolated prison cell with dream, his own abuser who has hurt him in the past, for an unknown amount of time. He's terrified of dream and being stuck there with him.
End: tommy is trapped in an isolated prison cell with dream after being killed then revived by him, his own abuser whos hurt him in the past, for an unknown amount of time. Hes terrified of dream and being stuck there with him.
Okay. This is simplified obvious. But the point stands. ALTHOUGH the troupe of 'going back to the beginning' is common in the heroes journey its. It doesnt work here. Has tommy learned anything? Has he changed as a character? Is the severity of their situation any different? Have we, as the audience, learned anything new?
Im going to expand on that last point because i think it has the strongest potential argument. Technically for progression in literature and development of plot/characters, things can Change without them being Aware as characters. It can change just by the audience's perception changing or being challenge.
Slight example: i've been reading a webcomic called Your Throne. Its a fantasy/political drama about a noble lady who entered a competition with another noble lady to become the empress. The main lady lost despite her being a better fit, and the comic starts with the main lady trying to assassinate the empress. Its assumed and stated by the main lady that she 'ruined her life' and so thats all the readers know. However, later in the novel we see flashbacks to the competition itself and find that the two ladies were extremely close friends, neither wanting anything bad for the other, but it was the emperor himself who manipulated both of them for his own agenda. Those flashbacks gave us an entirely different idea of who the real antagonist is and completely changed the two main ladies' relationship. THAT is how the audience's understanding of the plot and novel can be used to change the entire story. We dont get such here though
Some things that were brought to light during tommy being dead/revived:
Dream is capable of reviving people infinitely
This was already implicated and assumed. The book dream has being a means of reviving people has been around Technically since schlatt's death. This just 'confirmed' what was known
Time works differently/feels longer in the afterlife
This doesnt really impact much beyond emotions and implications. If we had more insight into what the 'afterlife' is like beyond nothingness perhaps so. But really it just makes it so wilbur being dead for what feels like 9 years and tommy having been dead for 2 months appeal to emotions.
Wilbur is evil
This one fuckin sucks i cant lie HSKSHSISSGEGDV. Like i was gon go on bout it and i will but it jus sucks. We have nothing to go on besides tommy's word, no examlles of what Horrible things wilbur said could make tommy assume this, etcetc. Ill most likely make a seperate post on how this feels like we're just going to get 'wilbur is a horrible villain' type with him. But still. I feel wilbur Not Being Good isnt a new development.
Dream is going to revive wilbur
This doesnt feel new either, part because phil had wanted to revive wilbur before (ill get to that more later) and that tommy had kept dream alive/initially imprisoned him with the idea of him reviving wilbur.
Dream believes wilbur will break him out of prison
Okau this makes no sense to me actually. I cwnt understand How exactly wilbur would be able to do this? Or why dream believes he even Could? Mans been dead for like 9 years and all we Know of the afterlife is that its black... nothingness. How would 9 years of that make wilbur capable of busting the prison open?
So. Yeah. All in all this plotline hasnt done anything new, developed things, or altered people's perceptions. We just ended up back at square one. Back to tommy being traumatized, dream being 'evil' and horrible and doing villain monologues, and them being stuck together.
Other characters and plotlines
Im pretty damn sure tommy's revival fucked up a LOT of other characters' plotlines and potential development. Honestly i feel this has a lot to do with the writers not communicating with other ccs well enough. But Ill talk about specific characters from least to most fucked over in my opinion:
Sam
He's the best off. He hqd been there during tommy's death, had been close to tommy, had majorly blamed himself and his own mistakes for tommy's death. His grief and self hatred was actually really heartbreaking and well done. The attached character of Sam Nook being unaware of tommy's death and simply waiting for tommy to return was a really good parallel to sam's own grief and anger. like it really snapped sam the guy who cares for tommy and wants to do Right by him back together with him as the Warden of the prison. Mixed personal life with 'just business'.
I feel it wouldve been nice to have him like. Have more time to grieve properly and come to terms eith tommy's death and his own involvement/influence over the events. Him finding tommy alive again Could be a means of him like. Facing his own grief head on if done well.
Ranboo
Mostly in the context of him and sam's argument do i feel it got screwed over. The weight of them yelling at each other and trying to find who to blame and the implications that Maybe ranboo was the one who caused the security breach that closed down the prison on tommy just.... doesnt hit so hard anymore. Because how can there be blame and arguments and a 'who done it' mystery when tommy popped up all fine again?
Puffy
I dony know much of her involvement or how she found out tommy died (besides metagaming shhhhh) but i saw her monologuing of how they 'failed' tommy and like. Her whole 'he was so young we the Adults failed him' spiel is like........... inconsequential? Now??? Like no dont worry he died but hes alright now.
Philza
BET YOU DIDNY EXPECT TO SEE THIS FUCKER!!!!!! But actually though i want to talk bout how this ties into phil. A LOT. for Zalbr ❤. But also because i see ppl tying phil to tommy's death n like nah shutup u doin it wrong. Ill go off more in a Wilbur Post. But essentially: i dont like that dream is now going to revive wilbur. I feel they arent going to tie philza into this Despite phil having originally been trying to revive his son and studying on it and Attempting and Failing. But now suddenly dream can just. Say some magic words and Poof wilbur lives? So we're just going to Kill philza's revival attempts plotline and leave that hanging? This made his efforts seem pointless and Wack like oh why didnt you just Say The Magic Words phil????
Niki
I feel really bad for niki. She hasnt been able to do a lore stream during tommy's 'death' (she tweeted she wanted to but her computer wasnt working) and considering her entire character.... that shit is important. We seen it with Jack Manifold how tommy's death impacted Him considering he literally wanted tommy dead. And since niki is in a similar boat to jack of trying to kill tommy and it being her Only goal...... thats extremely important.
BUT. i feel there wasnt any communication. Did she or anyone even know tommy would be revived? Did no one consider they could At Least let her do a single stream on it? Like jack manifold????
We couldve gotten a Really good niki lore stream. I genuinely was so excited for it and i dont regularly watch her. But we seen it with jack manifold which is why i dont feel he got screwed because mans genuinely did So Good he could pop off with anything n i think it works in His favour. But now........ for niki. Canonically she never even knew tommy was Dead. So its like nothing even happened for her. Is she just supposed to continue on trying to kill tommy with no progression?
What i think would work
This is more me being like 'hey @ the dsmp writers let me in' type speculation sbosegussgs. But i was thinkin on a Really easy way to 'fix' this without rewriting lore and the streams.
Dream should kill tommy again now that he's been revived and Leave Him Dead.
More development for the characters who are affected by his death Especially niki. More time for grief and self reflection and development
A chance for the audience to figure out what the 'afterlife' really is.
Dream is supposed to be smart and a master manipulator or something right? Why doesnt he use being able to revive tommy as a bargaining chip with sam for his own freedom?
The audience would now Know dream's intentions with tommy better, that this death isnt 'final', but we could still see other characters' grief and reactions and coping without it feeling cheap. Ive seen some 'but people dont know tommy is alive so hes still dead in their mind' but that sucks imo.
We'd know more on dream's ability to revive people and that he can just Do It on a whim (which i think sucks but hey im trying) but no one else would know this canonically
Okay. Im done. If you read this. Thankyou. I love you. Hmu.
#mcyt#dream smp#dream smp critical#tommyinnit#dream#im puttin this in main tags took me too fuckin long to write for me Not to#death mention#ask to tag
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perennial;tom holland|eleven.
chapter eleven: snapdragons & sunflowers (Vol. 1)
↳ flower meaning: snapdragons: deception. sunflowers: unconditional love.
chapter summary: to ask for a kiss.
pairing: tom holland x y/n
warnings: fluff, angst, comedy, all in one, mentions or allusion to sex but not smut :), you’ll see, alcohol.
You’ll hate me.
word count: 11.2K
SOCIAL MEDIA BEFORE THE CHAPTER:
masterlist & profiles
ten (Instagram): in which they share set pictures
ten (tweets & texts:in which the groupchats are…loud
previous chapter
next chapter
perennial masterlist.
perfidy ( series masterlist)
wanna be tagged?
So, please help me out I think tags aren’t working. So yes, hope you enjoy this :)
Y/N was made of the people she loved or once loved. Everyone is, really, but y/n probably made sure it showed.
Like her habit for photography had come from her very own best friend, of the way she started watching cooking videos because of her other best friend and always read the ingredients on any of the food she ate. Her clothing style had come from her very own first boyfriend who had introduced her to the magnificent world of the 80’s.
Her love for 80’s movies had come from Louis introducing her every night to a different one, a new story, a new song, and honestly it was good he showed her to it, y/n found her one true love. Louis, really, had shown y/n a lot of things, like how to lie to see him at indecent hours, and how And how Louis taught her that love doesn’t have to last and that sometimes people aren’t what we expect.
How she loved pancakes because that’s what her mother used to make them every Sunday, and how she’d learned from her father that sometimes sitting outside in the grass on a sunny day could bring back happiness to us.
How her grandma had taught her how to have a perfect poker face, and how her grandfather had shown her how to peel an orange in a ‘correct way’.
How she had started to drink her tea with lemon and honey because James had once given her one like that and it brought nice memories. And how James had told her that it’s okay to love, even when people tell you not to, you have to fight for your love, you shall never be afraid of who you love. And James teaching her that she should love for herself, for her own, and not having to share her feelings if she didn’t want to.
How y/n had started to watch subtitled films because Timmy had shown her some hidden gems. Or how she had learned from Tim to enjoy little moments, like the sunrise if she ever had to wake up early, or how she opened the windows to listen to the rain splattering. Tim had taught her too much about life, like enjoying wasting time.
Y/N was made, the most, of the people she loved the most. Like how she made pasta the way James had taught her to once when their parents had gone out and James was left in charge.
Or how when she was sad she’d watch that movie her childhood friend had introduced her to, and how they didn’t talk now. How y/n had learned that music was a way of healing because of that same friend.
Or how to make a story sound great with Harry, and how Harry had shown her songs that probably were her favorite ones. How Harry and her knew that they didn’t like tequila because of that one time, and how they had learned that mixing cranberry, and grape juice and vodka tasted great thanks to Sam’s idea.
The way that Emma had taught her to use certain hair products, and how Emma had taught her that sometimes we have to sing out our feelings, and scream and shout. How Emma had taught her the importance of a friendship and having someone’s shoulder to cry on. That she didn’t have to be lonely.
How when she kissed she usually liked to place her hands behind their neck because she’d done that on her very first kiss with Tom, or how she usually ate some of the chocolate chips when she baked cookies because Tom and her used to do that. She had learned how to wrestle from a very young age and beat Tom, and she had learned how to play with his hair in a way to make him smile. She had learned the meaning of a rose, when all her life she had never understood about it, Tom had shown her how to approach a dog, and Tom had taught her how to cuff her jeans in a cool way. Or the habit she’d picked from him of undressing the beer bottle when they were talking or how he opened it with the table. How Tom had taught her how to kiss, from their very first one to the last one, different kisses each time, how he’d taught her each and every kiss is a journey, a mystery. How she’d learned how to deal with heartbreaks and to fall in love all over again. And how she had learned that he’d come back to her. But really, how a heartbreak feels when it’s real.
That’s who y/n was. All the beautiful things of the people she loved.
But she was also the bad ones, unfortunately, because people shape us. Y/N was also made of the ugly parts, very ugly parts.
One that stood out the most, she’d learned from Tom, from James, from her family, was to avoid talking.
Everybody wanted to talk, everybody except y/n. She knew she was being immature, but she’d learned that from everyone around her, not to care if you don’t have to. But she was too overwhelmed, everyone had something to say about, except her. How could she talk if she didn’t know what she wanted?
Tom, Harry, Emma, Tim, James, Sam, Cherry, Aunt Eliza, even Josh and Clark.
Everybody wanted to talk. She didn’t.
She had caught on to what Tom was doing. She'd go along with it, he was the only one she wanted to talk to, honestly.
And Emma, because she knew Emma didn’t judge her, Emma understood y/n, and Emma had been the only one who really didn’t tell her she was wrong. Even if Tim was her best friend, Ema understood that y/n’s heart belonged to Tom.
“Clark is great, I may have fallen in love with him,” Emma had stated.
Y/N nodded. “He’s great, I—“
“Why didn’t you know?” Emma asked.
“I did know. But I didn’t—James was—you know how I’ve only dated three guys?” Y/n asked, she was putting on makeup, she had a date.
“Yeah.”
“James is exactly the opposite, he’s dated like half the gay population his age in London,” y/n scrunched her nose, as she was choosing between lipsticks.. “So I just—Never paid attention to any guy he dated because I never thought it was serious.”
“Are you talking to him now?”
“I did today, only because of Clark,” y/n admitted, giving up on the lipsticks and instead choosing to work on her hair. “James is still angry I am in love.”
“Not angry at that, you know that,” Emma pointed out.
“Is it that wrong I am so in love with Tom?” Y/n left the brush on the table as she turned to look at Emma.
“It’s completely bollocks y/n, but then again,” Emma sighed, “I wish I could be more like you and just love—I mean and I also wish Harry wasn’t so scared okay? He’s just so bloody scared, I wish he’d just say hey, Emma, d’ya fancy to go for a stroll? But no, we are both so… Gosh, I wish we were more like you and Tom, throwing everything down the drain.”
“We are-”
“You are, y/n,” Emma rolled her eyes. “He blows your mind and you basically want to yell it to the world, and he gets you all stupid, and you’re happy again, that’s alright, though-”
Emma was laying down on y/n’s bed, her feet up against the wall, as she was nibbling on a popsicle.
“Yes, I know, we have to talk,” she sighed.
“Who says it has to be right now?” Emma had said. “Right now you barely have time to think, and I see you all happy and giggling, and besides, talking doesn’t have to be dramatic.”
“What do you mean?”
“It’s just… I don’t get it why James wants it to be dramatic, it’s just hey, you guys love each other, what else is there to know?”
Y/N nodded, turning back to the lipsticks.
“You do have to tell him you know about Cherry, though, which-”
“Yeah, n, no, but I get it,” y/n sighed.
“Which, I love you’re ignoring, just pretending like she doesn’t exist, ” Emma laughed. “She just arrived yesterday, didn’t she?”
“She did,” Y/N sighed. “Ugh, I don’t want to see her and she wants to talk, what does she want to talk about? We’ve never cared about each other before, met her like three times growing up because my mum and hers didn’t get along, which by the way, I’m scared James and I are headed in that same direction.”
“You won’t,” Emma said. “James loves you too much to ever leave you.”
“You never know,” y/n said. “Besides that’s not my point, my point is why does she want to talk? We have nothing in common!”
“Dunno, you’re blood related and you both rode the same dick, seems like you’ve got a lot in common.”
Y/n closed her eyes as she forced a laugh, “Emma!”
“I’m just saying, y/n, that’s why you and I became close, we’ve both kissed the same two guys.”
“It’s different,” Y/N scoffed. “I—just don’t want to see her okay? Because I know I’ll be reminded of every single insecurity I have,” she admitted. “Because I know that the moment I see her I’ll get just so anxious, you know? She’s so pretty, and she’s so perfect and from what-”
“From what I’ve gathered from Eliza, she’s also a mess,” Emma added.
“That’s an issue, that’s Tom’s type, just look at me,” y/n laughed as she stared at a bright red lipstick.
Emma scoffed. “Oh, hadn’t thought about that, Tom’s into messy girls with your genes.”
“It’s so fucked up, though,” y/n said, as she looked up at the wall, she needed to change the flowers, they were drying out. She hadn’t changed them in a while.
Emma shrugged, “considering how small his brain is, he probably thought it would feel the same way if he closed his eyes.”
“As if it would,” y/n replied cockily, finally choosing a light pink, changing it up a bit, she’d always used bright red lipsticks with Tom, “I’ve known him his whole life, and now I’ve—“she cleared her throat. “ I know exactly how to work him up.”
Emma let out a loud and long laugh. “I can tell, Jesus, what did you do to him to have him oh, so mesmerized? Are you a sex goddess or why are those two men so bloody entranced by you?”
Y/N blushed and shook her head laughing. “You’re an idiot.”
“How do you really feel?” Emma wondered, getting the conversation back as serious as it was supposed to be.
“I don’t know,” Y/N admitted, she was still on some pair of pjs. “I… I’ve been talking with Tom, or…” She rolled her eyes. “He’s found a way to talk, and I think it’s worked out for both of us.”
“Oh, what is it?” Emma sighed.
Y/n walked over to her closet, it felt so weird to choose something to wear, Tom had warned her to be casual, something her style, something very her.
“We use the script so we can… I guess we’re projecting it all, and well, I think he’s been understanding about it, and I think I’m starting to understand his point of view, about Tim at least.”
“Please, I don’t need to listen to him to know why he feels that way,” Emma pointed out.
“Really?” Y/n turned back to Emma as she was choosing between them.
“I like the red one,” Emma suggested. “But please, y/n,” Emma scoffed. “Timmy was the one who stole his chance, Timmy was the one who got the girl when he had fucked up and everyone around Tom said it, we’ve all said it at some point, Tim is perfect for you.”
“But—“
“and besides, Timmy was the one-”
“The one who opened the door when Tom came to apologize,” y/n finished Emma’s sentence as she sat down hugging the red dress Emma had suggested.
Emma frowned. “What?”
“Guess Timmy had secrets, too,” y/n said.
Emma seemed confused.
“He never told me about it, how Tom had come a second time, and…” She sighed. “I mean I guess I’m thankful he didn’t but I’m… I’m only wondering—“
“Oh, back when you first started dating,” Emma recalled. “He did tell me about it, and I.. was the one to advise him not to tell you.”
Y/N gulped.
“Would you have run back to Tom?” Emma wondered, embarrassed. “Honestly I told him not to because—Well, I had asked Harry about it, you know? Harry had said you hated each other and that you had been avoiding Tom for a while now. That you were enemies.”
“We were.”
“And I mean—Back then, you really hated him.”
Y/n nodded. “Yeah, I did.”
“So I told Tim not to tell you about it, because I thought—I didn’t know the background but I thought Tom was going to—hurt you, you know? And I guess, we all did, and we all kept that mentality even when he wasn’t trying to.”
“Yeah.”
“Wow, I’ve never thought about that,” Emma nodded. “Even when I knew you were dating back in New York, we were just waiting for it, for Tom to—“
“Yeah, for Tom to pull a Tom,” y/n ended the sentence. “And I mean—He kind of did, but it was my fault.”
“Tom really sabotages himself, it seems.”
Y/N reached out to hug her frog, she was thankful James had brought it, “he does, but because he’s expected to, you know? Maybe that’s why— I haven’t brought it up because I’m not—I’m not expecting the heartbreak this time, and I know bringing up the whole Cherry thing is looking for it,” y/n explained. “I trust him this time, and he really wants to make it work out.”
“Would you have gone back to him? Had Tim told you he had showed up?” Emma questioned.
Y/N breathed in heavily. “Dunno,” she said. “I was so heartbroken back then, I thought— and I had promised myself back then I would never fall back for him, and… I mean, I had even thought I would never love again because that’s how dramatic it was, I really didn’t want to see him, that heartbreak is what led to all this mess, you know?” She explained. “Now Tom knows that, I think he really understands it, and he feels guilty and I mean, I was angry when Tom told me about it, because… Tim, well he didn’t know back then, he just was too sure that Tom loved me but—After learning all of this? Tim should’ve told me, because just now, learning it, I guess it changed a lot of things, not that it erased anything, but I lived all this time thinking he hadn’t… He really hadn’t cared, and it took him a lot of time, still, but he had tried to apologize again, and Tim keeping it to himself knowing that what broke me the most was that Tom had never shown up? Tim keeping it to himself is just—so selfish.”
Emma bit her lip. “He’s still in love with you.”
Y/N remained quiet.
“I mean, you can’t blame him,” Emma said. “You guys were… I mean before Tom, you really seemed to be hitting it off, I thought you’d end up dating again.”
“I did, too, at some point,” y/n admitted. “But-”
“But you love Tom, I know,” Emma shrugged. “No but… Y/N you also, have to acknowledge it, you can’t keep playing with Tim which-before you say anything, I mean it’s also on him, he knew it, but then again, I… I believed it at some point y/n, that you were going to get back together with him because… The way you looked at him just… and it was just—”
“I know, I know and I thought… I don’t know, okay?” y/n admitted as she sat up. “I… It’s cause I never… I had closure with Tim, alright? I gave him the ring back because I thought, I know it, I want Tom, okay? It’s Tom, yes, it’s Tom.”
“But?”
Y/n sighed, “Timmy—alright as I said before, I had said I would never love again after the whole Rome thing,” she cleared up. “And then Tim came along and just showed me this beautiful life and taught me how to love again, and I—He became a very special part of me.”
“Yeah, and? That doesn’t explain your flirting.”
“I didn’t—flirt.”
“Well you answered to his flirting,” Emma pointed out.
“We were—“
“You guys were flirting y/n!” Emma replied quickly, slightly stressed. “You guys don’t flirt like everyone else! Your flirting style with each other was by showing each other songs and him watering your plants, y/n! You were basically having sex with each other,” Emma rolled her eyes.
Y/N stayed quiet.
“But I know, Tom, Tom—“
Y/n gulped. “Yeah, Tom.”
Emma watched y/n, confused. “Why are you acting like it’s the last time?”
“What?”
“Like it’s your last chance with Tom.”
“I...don’t know, because what if it is, you know? It’s… stupid, we’ve had plenty of chances and… Last time, I just… Had I known it would lead to that. I know it’s my fault, and like we’ve both blown it up so it’s—“
“Neither one of you will fuck up.”
“I know—But Tom… We are trying and I’m happy but I feel-”
“Y/N you are pretending, I know, you won’t be happy until you talk about it with him.”
She sighed. “I know, and we’ve been talking and I…” She coughed. “I really want to try it out.”
“But…?”
“Am I allowed to forgive something like that? Am I even allowed to get angry about Cherry?”
Emma sat up as well. “Y/N, had he slept with anyone else I wouldn’t be so sure but that’s your cousin, that’s fucked up and-”
“What if he finds out about Tim?”
Y/N grabbed the pillow that had once been under her head and proceeded to get it in her face and scream into it.
“Wait, I’m… I’m gonna try that,” Emma laughed, doing the same.
Both of them were screaming into the pillows, pitying their sorrows and problems.
Timmy had walked in.
“What the hell?” He asked.
Emma was the only one to peak her head out of it. “It’s therapeutic.”
Timothee had only chuckled. “I bet.”
Y/N had stopped screaming but kept the pillow over her face. She didn’t know how she felt about Tim, there was no point in being angry at something from the past, but it did change a lot of the way she saw him, maybe he had forgotten. But Tim was never one to forget, he was observant and he was quiet, and he was all about the stories.
“Um, y/n?” Tim said.
Emma watched Tim, and the small object he had in his hand. She shot him a warning glare, scared of the inside.
“Yeah?” y/n answered from her pillow which now had a nice stain of makeup on it.
“Can I talk to you?” He asked.
Another person wanting to talk, what was it with everybody wanting to say words and listening and whatever? Y/N thought to herself.
Though Timmy hadn’t asked for it yet, she knew it, but he hadn’t really said it, not the whole y/n we should talk.
She wanted to say no, but she knew that she couldn’t keep doing that. Counting the days until it finally had to blow up, and then end up with bruises, no, she didn’t have to do that.
She finally let the pillow down, “Yeah, sure,” she said before walking out of her room.
“Sure, leave Emma behind,” Emma pointed out.
“I… well,” Y/N looked at Tim.
“It’ll be quick, darling, Emma dear,” Tim assured her.
Emma rolled her eyes. “It never is with you both.”
Tim rolled his eyes before leading the way outside of the apartment, y/n frowned, asking him to wait up so she could put on her sneakers, still wearing her pj’s.
“So your birthday is tomorrow,” Tim had said as they had walked out, he had sat on the stairs.
She chuckled as she sat beside him. “Yeah.”
“You look really pretty,” Tim had said.
“These pj’s really accentuate my features huh,” y/n joked.
“Your makeup looks pretty and hair, idiot,” Tim chuckled.
She only gave him a sad smile.
“So, what are your plans?” He asked.
“For… tonight? I’ve got a date,” she explained.
“No, tomorrow.”
She shrugged. “Tom’s got some plans, apparently, he hasn’t told me anything about it, honestly I don’t… I don’t want to…”
“What?”
“Do anything you know? I will be too tired after filming, and I… I just feel like… Dunno, James and Clark will be there and I don’t want to talk to James still, and apparently Cherry invited herself, too so… And you’ll be there, and Harry and Emma… and Josh, and I just... ” She chuckled. “I’ve got a bad feeling.”
“Why?”
“Dunno, seems like a perfect combination for disaster.”
“I met Cherry today,” he admitted. “Well, we’d met before but-Yeah, I thought you’d be at the flower shop. “And she was there, instead.”
Y/N scrunched her nose. “Yeah I know she’s there, that’s why I haven’t gone there,” she explained chuckling shyly.
“Why?”
“Because then I’ll start feeling insignificant, because let’s face it and don’t you dare say no, but she’s really… Pretty, like she’s everything a girl would want to be and I’m jealous of her,” she admitted, truthfully. “I’ve never been the jealous kind but with her, I feel like—Of course anyone would choose her over me, and don’t—Say anything okay? I just feel that way. And if I see her I’ll be reminded of the elephant in the room waiting to be addressed, and I… If the conversation about you went wrong I don’t want to know how that-”
“About me?”
“Yeah,” she looked down. “Dunno.”
Tim bit his lip.
“How did he-?”
“I don’t want to talk about that, Tim,” she quickly answered. “I can’t blame him for feeling the way he feels and that’s on me, too, I mean… I… really.”
“What?”
She looked down. “I— well, I don’t…know alright? If I feel anxious about Cherry I can only imagine how he feels about you, no, I can’t even imagine it, and look Tim, I—you know you’re very important to me but I’m… I’m dating… Or whatever is going on now, but It’s Tom right now, alright? And I know it’ll be for a long time.”
“I know.”
She looked at him, confused by his statement because it really didn’t feel like he knew it.. “And I don’t… want you to think there is an open door or-”
“Y/N, I know,” he said. “Yeah, I know it’s Tom, now.”
“But it’s not just—“
“I know,” Tim looked away. “I know.”
She looked down. “I’m sorry.”
“Just….” He took a deep breath. “I know it’s him, but that doesn’t… I mean, we’ve been friends, and I—I just ask you not to push me away, alright? I don’t know how I’d live without y/n in my world, and if having you around means having you with him, then I just have to deal with it, move on you know? And I know we are friends, so this is… This comes from your friend, Timmy.”
She smiled, just slightly, very timidly. It hurt, hurting him but of course, keeping him around meant jeopardizing her relationship with Tom, and she really didn’t want to give it more excuses.
“Timmy,” she sighed.
He smiled. “I’m serious, it’s alright, no… no resentment, alright? We both know we… I don’t…you know it, I’ll always love you, but we—I mean you—you love someone else and it’s be stupid of me not letting you love him, that is just pathetically selfish. And don’t get me wrong, it hurts like a bitch…. Yeah, I know it, but… I don’t want to lose you, I am not stupid… but I also… I know that if I give this to you tomorrow, Tom will lose it and I… don’t want that, so I’m giving you this, today.”
He pulled out a film canister. And it felt like one of those times when life likes to punch you with reality. She felt a fear deep inside her stomach. Last time he’d given her one of those an engagement ring was hidden in it.
“It’s… It’s not what you think,” Tim rolled his eyes. “Oh, you really thought I’d propose again?”
She let out a soft chuckle. “No--I… I mean,” I’m-I didn’t think you would-”
“Your face,” He chuckled softly. “Yeah, no, I… I’m…”
“Yeah, just last time you gave me one of those-”
“Yeah, and look where it led us, I’m not… I wouldn’t… No,” Timmy laughed. “No, it’s not… and—do you really think I’m the type of guy to propose on a bad time—-Actually don’t answer that,” he chuckled. “Okay, open it.”
She grinned, and took the film canister from him. “Man I hope it’s an iPad,” she joked, warning a laugh from Tim. “No, you—you shouldn’t have.”
She shook it just slightly, listening to no sound coming out from it, before finally opening, carefully. “A…there’s nothing?” She asked.
“Yeah,” Tim laughed. “I know.”
She frowned, confused but then chuckled. “I love it… I hope I… can get to wear it soon,” she joked.
“It couldn’t fit there, but I—Well, you know, we had that tradition, ,” he said before finally giving her the box that sat beside him.
She took the box and smiled, opening it, an old vintage Polaroid camera stood there.
“I know you’ve—I think it works, it’s—It’s an original, I've noticed you haven't really taken any Polaroids, and I know you love them,” he coughed. “So, yeah, happy birthday.”
Y/N had only looked up, giving him a true smile.
“Thank you, I love it!”
But of course, the timing could not have gone any worse. Tom had arrived. Y/N had momentarily forgotten she had agreed to spend the night with him, nothing too serious but Tom had insisted because he had a surprise for early in the morning and he’d come pick her up for dinner and then she’d stay with him.
Maybe she should’ve seen the trouble coming.
Tom cleared his throat loudly, “hello,” he said, standing with sunflowers. Yellow flowers with pretty meaning, y/n thought.
Y/n looked up, calmly, knowing that if he saw any hint of her freaking out it would blow it up because his mind would go places.
“Oh hi!” She grinned. “sorry—I’m not—“
Tom clenched his jaw at Tim, but then turned to y/n and chuckled, “Darling, when I said casual—I didn’t—“
She chuckled nervously standing up. “Sorry, I—“she squeezed her eyes shut. “I was discussing with Tim something about some pictures he’s planning on—yeah,” she lied, as she hid the film canister and box behind her back.
“Yeah,” Tim said, clearing his throat, standing up as well. “Hello, Thomas.”
“Tim.” Tom was nervous already, y/n could tell.
“Are those for me?” Y/n questioned staring at the flowers before they could say another word to each other.
Tom chuckled between his teeth, “yeah, they’re most certainly not for Tim.”
“Oh,” Tim said, “and here I was getting excited about them.”
Tom faked a very quiet laugh and then turned to y/n. “So? Don’t get me wrong, you literally look so beautiful—but—“ He smiled looking down at her clothing.
“Yeah—right!” She excused herself, not forgetting to kiss his cheek, before running back to her room, where Emma was waiting with the red dress and had pulled out some heels for her.
Emma walked out of the room, “hello, Tom, long time no see,” she said with sarcasm.
“I know, these couple hours have been long,” Tom joked back, as he had walked in.
Tim had followed after. It felt so tense, Emma could swear she could cut the tension with a knife.
Emma hummed a fake laugh. “There are flower vases over there, you can guess which ones are y/n’s now if you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna steal Tim from you just a bit, I hope you don’t miss him as much.”
Emma had dragged Tim to her own room.
“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Emma snapped.
“A lot of things,” Tim answered. “But let’s not go there, please.”
“Oh don’t play that with me, I know exactly what you’re doing, and Tim—“
“I’m not—“
“Don’t fucking pull the whole I’m not doing anything bullshit with me,” she rolled her eyes. “I know exactly what you’re doing, and I’m sure you gave her the Polaroid today, really? Exactly when you know she’ll go on a date with Tom? And you take her to the stairs? So he can see it right?
Tim clenched his jaw. “I—Well.”
“Sabotaging her relationship is not the way to go, Tim,” Emma warned him. “And I—I just told you—Best thing you could try is...move on, alright? I know you love her and that she was—She seemed perfect for you, and I still think you guys worked so well together but… She is so in love with him, and by doing this you’re only hurting her more—Besides, really Tim, you know her better than this,” she pushed. “I—“ Emma sighed. “I'm telling you this because I love you, I don’t want to sound harsh but—“She closed her eyes. “I know she is confused, and making her even more confused won’t help you, let her settle it, let her have it right now.”
Tim didn’t say anything and just walked out of the room. He had gone to his room and unfortunately had left his door open to see y/n walking out on a red dress to run over excitedly to Tom, who had pulled her close to him to kiss her cheek and smell her perfume.
Timmy knew Emma was right, y/n was in love with him. So, very deeply in love. And it hurt, seeing her. And Timmy asked for more patience, or for more time, or strength to move on.
It felt weird, Tim felt lonely and broken hearted, and he just missed her, and it was stupidly incredible that she lived right there in the same apartment. He knew she loved Tom, that was it but it…. It still didn’t make any sense. Honestly, it felt like they were completely strangers.
Especially y/n, she really felt like a stranger, even to Tom it seemed. She seemed too… distant to everyone.
Tom felt it, too. He felt that y/n was just off, even if she was happy or tried to be and even if she was kissing his cheek, she was being… different. And Tom only wanted to get over with it, the awkwardness.
And he wondered if she wanted to get over with it, too.
They went out for dinner, not in the place where she’d imagine Tom would take her, it was a nice dinner place with lightbulbs hanging around, a flower in a glass bottle, candles around, very… cozy, and romantic, and they were talking about barely anything, and maybe for a bit it felt like they were each other again.
Y/N knew this, she felt weird with herself, as if even when she seemed to be saying what she wanted to say, she really wasn’t saying what her heart wanted, but as if her own heart was keeping secrets. It felt like Tom didn’t know her, though. And it had never felt that way before, but it felt like they were both trying to get to know each other again. Because neither of them were being themselves, not entirely.
“So, you were clearly not talking about pictures with Tim,” Tom had mentioned.
y/n looked at him and nodded. “Yeah, I wasn’t….”
“So?” Tom seemed anxious about it.
“He gave me a birthday present, a…he gave me a polaroid,” she cleared up. “A vintage, original one.”
“Oh, that’s cool,” Tom nodded, and gulped. “As long as he doesn’t give you a ring.”
She rolled her eyes. “Tom.”
Tom shrugged.
“I… told him,” she cleared her throat. “That well… it’s you.”
“It’s me?” Tom wondered, and a smile came to his face. “What am I?”
She rolled her eyes, chuckling softly. “An idiot, that’s what you are.”
Tom chuckled. “Uh-huh, I am, and what else?”
She blushed. “Nothing.”
Tom hadn’t pushed it any further. Their conversation kept flowing. Talking about them. What made them so… them.
“I remember that everyone was in love with this one guy, ugh, what’s his name? The one that bullied you,” Y/N tried to recall.
“Edward,” Tom remembered. “He was so big.”
“Well, everyone had a crush except me, because well, I was the idiot, you know?”
“You loved that scrawny guy who-”
“Adorable guy,” she added.
“Scrawny guy,” he continued. “Who did ballet and everyone crushed on Edward, who-”
“I actually was… dating Louis back then,” she recalled. “But…” She chuckled. “But my point is… I was the one who… hid a rat in his car.”
“No way!” Tom’s eyes popped as he leaned over. “You’re kidding.”
“I… Look, nobody could be an asshole to you unless it was me, that was-” She was nervous. “I was so angry at everything he said at you, I…” She rolled her eyes. “And I… genuinely don’t know.”
“Where in this bloody world did you get a rat from?” He wondered. “I mean thank you but I didn’t think you’d-”
“Please I had experience from pranks for you so of course…” She gulped, hiding a laugh. “I...Well, there was a rat in Louis' house, and well they trapped it and instead of… you know killing it I… well told Louis to break into Ed’s car and I hid the rat there.”
Tom was shocked. “And that was because of me?”
“No, I hated Ed,” she looked away. “He was the biggest asshole.”
Tom grinned. “Are you sure? Because I remember that rat incident being right after he had hit me in the hall.”
“Really?” y/n coughed. “I wouldn’t remember,” she blushed looking away.
“Which actually brought attention to me, they said it had been me!” He recalled. “I got into detention.”
Y/N grinned. “Yeah, killed two birds in one shot,” she smirked.
“I’m serious did you-?”
“Yeah, maybe I did it for you, okay? Whatever, yes, I had feelings for you and I was angry someone else was taking away my job, let’s remember we were enemies back then, alright?” She was nervous.
Tom smirked. “You had a crush on me.”
“Shut up,” she chuckled. “You had a crush on me, too.”
Tom shrugged, smiling. “Yeah, I did. I’m not trying to hide it.
Y/N avoided his gaze, not believing he was actually making her feel butterflies, even after all this time, she was still nervous. In a good way. She wasn’t always nervous, most of the time, she didn’t, she felt so calm around him, but on the edge, as if she didn’t need to worry about being herself but expectant of each other’s attitude.
Tom watched her, “Why do I always feel like there’s always something on your mind?”
“Because there is,” she laughed. “Don’t you?”
“No, I’m dumb, remember? I can actually blank up my mind,” he smirked. “Or well, not at all. There is a constant on my mind,” he had reached for her hand.
“Oh?” her eyes had brightened up, a timid smile on her face.
“Yeah, Spiderman,” he joked, earning a glare from y/n.
It was so stupid. But they were… back being them. Probably because they were alone. As if someone was brushing y/n’s dream, and she couldn’t get enough of him, his laugh was her everything. She couldn’t help but sigh and run out of breath, and never stop blushing, there was no doubt about it. And she had once thought about it, ‘the day that Tom loves me, the world will party’. She had been wrong, the world wasn’t partying, and there were no flowers blooming and no fireworks. The world instead, stopped, as if it was them and only them. The stars were probably jealous of them seeing them shining even more brightly than them.
“You know, from the moment we met,” he had said.
“When we were kids, you mean?” She chuckled .
“Truly met,” Tom gulped. “Rome, I mean.”
She blinked. “Yeah.”
“I… Why didn’t you kiss me?” He asked.
“Hm? When?”
“That one night, you know the one, lovely evening, I remember I asked for a kiss,” he recalled. “And… you said and I quote: ‘No, Thomas, don’t ask for a kiss’.”
She looked away, remembering. “Because I didn’t want you to ask for it.”
He frowned.
“It’s silly but that’s the way I am, I didn’t want you to ask for it, I was clearly begging for one,” she explained. “I wanted you to… do it. One should never ask for a kiss, or not… verbally.”
“How so?”
“I mean certain contexts,” y/n said. “But that night? I thought I had hinted it enough
“So you did want me to kiss you,” He grinned.
“Of course!” She beamed. “I—it’s not secret by now that I—“she cleared her throat. “Well, enjoy when our lips come together.”
“Oh, so you enjoy that?” He mocked.
“Very much so,” she answered shyly. “And—it had been the perfect evening! It would’ve cost you nothing,” she smiled.
“Cost me nothing,” he laughed.
“I think you’ll find that kissing me is quite cheap,” she pointed out.
He scrunched his nose. “That’s a lie.”
“No, no, I was the one who could lose there,” she sighed.
“No, y/n. Because kissing you costs a lifetime.”
She scoffed. “How so?”
“I kissed you once when I was 13 and never stopped thinking about it,” he said. “And after that evening.”
“Would I have been so bad?” She questioned, “if we had realized it back then.”
“Think we did,” he said, “but you didn’t kiss me either.”
“No, but—because you had asked for it.”
“You’re right… I should’ve, but there’s a lot of things I should’ve done...still can’t believe it, how stupid I was,” he said.
“It didn’t click you know,” she nodded. “When you broke my heart,” she continued. “I mean, the excuses you gave me… They didn’t make any sense.”
Tom looked down.
“And…” She sighed.
“Would you’ve forgiven me? If I had come earlier?” He asked.
She stared at him. “Maybe,” she admitted. “Probably, if I’m honest… I did wait for you to come again with yellow flowers, and I’d have my hand right in my heart, and I would wait for you to come and apologize and I would see it, you know, wait for you to stand up in the rain and said you didn’t mean it, and I… I was angry, alright? It was stupid letting my life pass by waiting for it besides the whole scenario...but then again, it wa shot and it’s still you and I’m—it’s silly.”
“It’s not silly,” Tom said. “It’s you,” he took a deep breath, “and I knew you’d like that… kind of stuff, but when I finally realized it, it was too late.”
“But it’s not late now,” she admitted. “We’re finally on time. And I’m glad I’ve always been so stubborn when it comes to you because otherwise we wouldn’t be here.”
The evening had continued to flow, as both of them had become quieter, in a way that they didn’t need to talk to communicate, between whispers and giggles and hand brushing, it was all they needed.
The ticking had stopped, y/n had noticed. It’d come, she knew but… God, when she was with him, she didn’t have to worry about anything. Because it seemed that it was made for them, all her doubts disappeared because he was the answer she needed. It was them against the world.
They hadn’t talked about Valerie and William, not that night. It was Tom and y/n,.
They hadn’t kissed. Tom had ceased the kissing when James had arrived, which y/n hated, she missed his lips so much her own were begging for them. She wouldn’t ask for it. Never ask for a kiss, not out loud.
She was wearing his jacket back on their way, he had said: ‘I wasn’t cold but I knew you’d be so that’s why I brought it’. Her hand was on his hair as he drove, listening to music, windows down as they hummed the lyrics, and as y/n stared down at the lights the city was giving her, her hair flying.
She was sad, though, Tom hadn’t even tried to lean over and kiss her, not even seeing a hint of him trying to do so.
They had walked in, the guys seemed to be all too invested in a video game, all except for Clark who was rather interested in playing with James’ hair as y/n’s brother yelled at the screen. He looked up when seeing them walk in, he smiled at the sight of y/n’s shoulders being covered by Tom’s jacket.
“Hello, you two,” Clark had greeted them.
Tom peeked to see the screen, not letting go of y/n’s hand.
“Hi,” y/n said, knowing she’d most likely lose Tom’s attention to the screen.
“How did it go?” Clark asked.
“Bloody hell, Samuel!” James yelled.
“Piss off,” Harry yelled, too.
y/n chuckled. “It went well,” she said.
“Well?” Tom lost focus of the screen, as he turned to her. “Well?”
She ignored him and kept staring at Clark. “Can you believe the evening has gone by so splendidly but he still hasn’t kissed me?”
Tom immediately blushed.
“Good,” said James. “Kissing is gross.”
“Is it?” Clark asked before kissing his cheek.
James coughed. “Straight kissing is gross,” he corrected himself.
Harry laughed.
Sam scrunched his nose. “Why haven’t you kissed her? you usually bloody eat each other’s faces.”
Harry scoffed.
“Don’t you dare eat my sister’s face,” James warned. “Or anything for that matter.”
“James,” y/n closed her eyes.
Tom laughed. “We’re gonna…”
“No, why don’t you guys stay? We were about to play Mario Kart” Offered James. “So why don’t you both play with all of us, you know you can sit over there with your brother and y/n can sit over here, everyone’s happy.”
“Jamey, love, don’t be a dick,” warned Clark.
Y/N chuckled. “Fine, I want to play,” she admitted.
“Great, mario kart is the real deal breaker between couples.”
Of course, they hadn’t followed James’ instruction for their sitting arrangement, y/n had sat on the couch, and Tom had sat on the floor, resting his back against her. Y/N was still bothered by the fact she hadn’t yet been kissed that night, but she soon forgot it as it felt like one of those nights when they were younger, all of them playing and yelling at each other.
Tom had left the room without any explanation at some point, but she was too busy trying to beat her brother at rainbow road to even notice.
Time went by, and before she knew it, the lights had gone off, and they all had turned with a smirk as Tom had walked in with a cake with candles.
‘Happy Birthday’ they all sang as she stared at the cake, pretty cake, sunflowers again. Tom kissing her cheek.
It felt… like years ago, the Holland’s, James, and now Clark, too, of course it was Tom holding the cake now, not Harry, and now she didn’t have a wish, usually she’d plan ahead her birthday wishes, because that’s something James had taught her to. Instead, she wished for everything to keep flowing as easy as it could with Tom. Funny, how many birthday wishes had not involved him already.
They had sat and ate cake like old times, y/n smearing some frosting to Tom’s cheek and then kissing it off, making the boy blush and getting James to glare at her. Laughing at each other, telling old jokes as y/n was laying against Tom, his arms around her and his lips brushing against her head.
How many years had they not wasted by being enemies.
Eventually, they had all gone to bed knowing the next day would expect them, except for Clark and James who had stayed in the kitchen.
Tom and y/n had stayed on the couch.
“So, I’m gonna be honest,” Tom had said as he had sat with her, he had left yet again to get something
She only stared into his eyes, begging her with her sight to kiss her already. She should’ve probably wished for that, instead.
“I—this wasn’t going to be your birthday present.”
“You didn’t need to get me anything,” she said.
He had sat up and pulled out a small box, he seemed nervous, but excited. The box… gave her shivers. But it couldn’t be.
Y/n only smiled watching him, resenting her head against her palm.
“I—back when,” he gulped, “back when I was still in London debating whether or not to direct dos-a-dos,” he continued. “I—well.”
“Yeah?”
“I couldn’t stop thinking about you because—Well,” he grinned. “I am so stupidly in love with you.”
She only blushed.
“So—one day,” he gulped. “I went—Well, you know, to the mall and whatsoever, and—I saw this shop.”
“Right.”
“And so I bought a pair of boots for me,” he said, leaning against the couch, trying to recall. “They were very—nice, you know?”
“Uh—huh,” she rolled her eyes. “And did you bring those boots to LA?”
“No, I didn’t,” he side eyed her, “should’ve, you would have loved them.”
Y/n rolled her eyes giggling. “I bet.”
“But anyway, after I bought the boots—I passed by that shop you like.”
Y/n blinked. “Care to be more specific?”
“The one with the vinyls, and vintage stuff,” he reminded her, but she looked down at the tiny box he was holding, it definitely wasn’t anything from that shop.
“Oh, yeah, love that place,” she smiled.
“Yeah, and I—went in,” he admitted. “And I couldn’t stop thinking about you, everything they had… so I—“
She just waited for him to continue.
“I bought a fee vinyls for me, too,” he nodded seriously.
Y/n bit her lip, holding back a laugh, “amazing, which ones did you buy?”
“I bought a Beatles one… uh, Queen.”
“Great choices,” she grinned. “I’m proud.”
“And of course Rolling Stones, because I thought of you,” he said.
Y/n scooted closer to him to gently run her hands through his hair, he couldn’t hide his smile.
“And then—One day, I went out again,” he grinned.
“Hm-hm?”
He coughed, “yeah, and I walked again to that one other shop you like, the one with the clothes.”
“With the clothes,” she laughed.
“Yeah, you know the one,” he chuckled, avoiding her gaze.
“And did you get in?” She asked.
“No,” he grinned. “I went for an ice cream, you know, I was really craving one.”
She stared at him, so mesmerized by him, even when he was being the silliest. “God, I love you,” she blurted out, without really thinking of it. That’s how it should be, realy. Nothing wrong with that.
He finally locked his eyes with her and smiled, he took her hand in his and kissed it. “Yeah, so—“he grinned, “none of that has to do with your birthday present.”
Y/n chuckled. “Really? I thought the birthday present would be seeing you with those boots and dancing with you to the music on those vinyls and eating ice cream.”
“Ah, that would’ve been great huh,” he grinned staring into her eyes.
“Would’ve loved that.”
“I actually did bring the vinyls,” he admitted.
She kissed his temple. “Great, let’s play them—“
“Yeah, but—I haven’t finished,” he admitted. “I… Well, I've had a lot of time, you know? To reflect on—on the script, on us. But especially the script.”
Y/n stared at the features on his face, fixating on the freckles on his nose as he kept talking.
“So, I kept avoiding the script, even if I wanted to direct it because—Well, it was your dream, I remember and I think I’ll never forget how in Rome you told me your biggest dream was making a film of a ballerina,” he said. “I—well, and I wanted to read it, but I couldn’t because I thought—well, dunno, having something yet to read was something I still had to look forward to, you know? And so I kept listening to the vinyls because they reminded me of you, and I kept—trying to find you everywhere, alright?” He confessed. “On every single face and—The days just went by and I—eventually read it.”
Y/n silently watched him.
“And I fell in love with it, because—it’s you. The script is so—you, it was like reading an open book about you, and I don’t mean it in the way that it’s our story, like I genuinely—you really poured heart and soul in it, the songs you put in, the setting—and, well, it was really you, you know? I know you’ve always loved 80’s movies because they seem so ridiculous but so magical.“
Y/n chuckled nervously. “Where are you going with this?”
“I know it’s your biggest dream,” he sentenced. “And well—I’m sorry I didn’t get you a pair of boots like mine.”
She laughed rolling her eyes.
“And I didn’t get a vinyl.”
“Tommy,” she nudged him.
He only handed it to her, the small box. A very stupid and scary suspicion in her head had completely been erased as she picked the small box.
As she opened it, it revealed a necklace with a small pendant of a ballerina hanging from it. The brightest beam had appeared on y/n’s face.
“I know you’ve—never liked the idea of someone giving you jewelry, especially bracelets or necklace because they don’t hold any meaning, but—I think—I know you’re not a dancer but, I think Valerie is your own special project, and—“Tom grinned. “I was saving it to give it to you on the premier but—“
“I love it, I...No, really this… This is perfect,” she whispered looking at it. Tom had once taught her that roses weren’t always basic. And Tom had now proven to her that this didn’t have to be either, because it was them, and it held such a special meaning to her.
She leaned over to kiss his cheek, and he only smiled.
“I was gonna give you a T—“
“As in Troy?” She mocked.
“That’s exactly why I didn’t.”
She laughed. “I love it.”
He looked deep into her eyes and she just waited for it… But he didn’t kiss her.
“Yeah, so, let’s go to sleep,” he quickly stood up, letting her fall flat on the couch.
“Thomas,” she hissed playfully. He had already left, and she could feel his smirk from afar, so she followed after him.
“So, you can have my bed, I’m gonna leave to sleep on the couch because that was my agreement with James,” he explained, picking up his stuff as soon as she got to the room.
She frowned. “No?”
“Yes,” he replied cockily.
“I’m not letting you leave until you bloody kiss me,” she replied.
He paused and then turned with a proud smug smirk, “Then that gives me even more reasons not to kiss you.”
She opened her mouth to complain, but really she was in such a state of shock that not a single word came out.
“Goodnight love,” he grinned as he headed to the door.
“Why are you like this?” She rolled her eyes, giggling.
Tom took a deep breath before staring her down.
“For the love of god, kiss me.”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“One shall never ask for a kiss,” he replied smugly.
“Are you kidding me?” She closed her eyes, not believing it.
“No, you said it yourself,” he grinned. “Not verbally.”
“Just shut up and come here, idiot,” she laughed before pulling him close to her, finally placing her lips on him. It felt like just the very first time, Tom and her had that magic, of making each and every kiss feel like they’ve never kissed before, so unique and so perfectly synchronized with each other.
“Don’t you guys fucking dare to do anything,” James was just walking by with a glass of water. “People need to sleep.”
Clark had mouthed an apology before following after.
Y/n had pulled away and then smirked. “Want to prank him?”
Tom had only given her a weird face.
Y/N knew James was staying right on the next room, and that she definitely was not going to be able to do anything without him hearing, that of course, meant she could piss him off, to get back at him for being a dick.
Y/N explained her idea to Tom, and he immediately accepted, with the sole condition to leave the door open so his life could actually be spared.
Both Tom and y/n had settled in their places, sitting right on top of the bed, right against the headboard which was conveniently against James’ wall.
And so they started.
Both of them repeatedly, and in perfect sync started, Tom hitting his elbows against the headboard, making sure the noise it made was perfectly identifiable as something else as y/n was jumping on the bed.
A faint “no, no, no, no, fucking hell, no,” had been yelled from the other room.
Tom and y/n tried to hide in their laughter, but proceeded to make it even worse, adding dramatic moans and “oh yes!” “Y/n!” “Right there!” “Tommy!” In between.
“NO FUCKING WAY!” Now it had been louder.
“Jamey, love—“
Tom and y/n smirked and went in even louder, “yes!” “So tight!” “Harder!” “Yes, yes, yes, yes!”
“No! No! No! No! Bloody hell y/n I’m in the bloody next room!” James yelled. “I’m gonna kill you, Thomas!”
And then they heard the loud and quick stumping as James’ door was open as he ran to knock on y/n’s and Tom’s door, but instead, the door was wide open and he could see what actually was happening, Tom and y/n, fully clothed and not even an inch close.
That’s when both y/n and Tom lost it, bursting into laughter.
“YOU GUYS FUCKING SUCK!” James yelled at them before joining in their laughter, red from embarrassment.
Clark had followed right after, laughing with them. “So that—“
Y/n couldn’t stop her laughter, even tears had come down her cheek as she stared at her brother so embarrassed, watching them.
“I can’t believe you fell for that!” Y/N had laughed.
Clark couldn’t stop giggling either.
“And by the way, thanks Clark,” Tom laughed, “you’re a real one.”
“I fucking hate you all,” James rolled his eyes.
“Now let’s go for the real one,” Tom had joked, probably with a death wish, but he quickly regretted it, “no, no, no, I’m joking! I’m joking!”
“You bet your ass you’re joking,” James warned before laughing again, defeated, “I hate you both.”
He had left with Clark laughing behind him, leaving y/n and Tom still laughing at their prank.
Laughing and laughing until they ran out of breath and laughed again.
“Shit, I love you so much,” Tom had said with one last breath after laughing.
“I love you, too,” she had said, “that was the best fake sex I’ve had in my life.”
“Hm, I’m pretty sure I’ve given you the best non fake one, too,” he had said cockily.
“Non fake,” she scoffed.
But then they’ve gone back to laughing, eventually somehow it transformed into kissing, and they had spent the night kissing, and giggling and nothing more, probably because they were aware that it was a very risky situation having James right beside and honestly, they were decent but mostly because they didn’t need more. Just the two of them laying down, and merging their lips together, becoming one with the other, was all they needed.
The next day was rather perfect, filming had gone as smoothly as it could go, and though they kept their distance because they were professionals, y/n could tell there was something different about her and Tom. Not sure what but it felt like things could work out. A ray of hope, if one must say.
There had been more cake, more people congratulating her for her birthday and just—Flowers. Sunflowers here and there, Along with blue hydrangeas. Pretty combination. Tom had made sure to fill up the place. She did love the sunflowers. Her mother calling her, auntie Eliza sending her pink carnations, it was—good. Especially after they told everyone about their prank, that made it even better.
“You do have that fake sex aftermath glow,” Emma had joked.
Perfect day, a perfect day until the sun was yawning down, she had put on her best clothes, and she was nervous. Not sure why though.
Tom had invited the cast as well. Nothing could go wrong, and it definitely wasn’t going to, right? Y/N had thought maybe it was a good day after all.
The place had been packed and the first song playing had been Ironic by Alanis Morissette, James had been the first one to point it out, he really liked that song. And though the combination of friends seemed like the perfect recipe for disaster, y/n thought it had gone calmly. At least at the beginning.
The club seemed to be picked out of y/n’s dreams, an 80’s and 70’s paradise playing the songs she loved to sing along to. There was a karaoke, too, in the background, separate from the dance floor. Honestly, the place was perfect. Fun.
And y/n had ignored Cherry’s presence as long as she could, she hadn’t been rude, but of course she’d been avoiding her, because the moment she saw her, y/n did feel insecure. She had shown up with a tight dress that gave nothing to the imagination, and her hair perfectly falling down her shoulders, her whole body shimmered. She was beautiful, beyond compare, perfect.
“Y/N!” She had greeted her. “I’m so glad I see you, I love your dress, hun, happy birthday!”
Her high pitched tone had only made y/n even more insecure. And y/n had seen her dancing, she’d caught Josh’s attention, it had seemed. Even Asa’s and Gregg’s attention. Because of course she would, the girl was perfect.
“Is Tim your boyfriend?” Cherry had asked y/n.
“What?” Y/N didn’t know if she’d heard right. “No… No, he’s not.”
“Oh, I thought he was!”
“Happy birthday!” Someone had yelled as they popped off a bottle.
Y/N could take care of Cherry later, who was actually picking out mostly everyone’s attention.
“Who is she?” Josh had asked her. “If it weren’t for Emma, I’d say she’s the prettiest girl in the world.”
There was a lot to unpack from Josh’ statement.
“That’s my cousin,” she explained. “She’s single, so why don’t you give it a go?” Y/N had suggested, knowing perfectly that if he did, she’d take away another problem. Because she’d seen Harry anxious the moment Josh had showed up.
Y/N didn’t know why she felt like Harry did know about Josh, she wasn’t sure but the same face Harry was giving Josh was the face Y/N gave to Cherry.
Initially, she had seen Cherry approach Tom, she had whispered something in his ear, and he had only gulped before walking off to one of his brothers. It made y/n anxious.
“You know what? You should go and sing Jolene,” Emma suggested, y/n could tell that Emma probably was slightly dizzy, as she had dragged her, Clark and Auli’i to the dance floor, a...very strange combination. Y/N was just a bit bothered by this, since she wanted to be with Tom, or rather, she wanted to pull him away from where Cherry was.
“Jolene?” Auli’i laughed. Felt rather weird for y/n hanging out with celebrities. Tom didn’t count… Not in that way, at least.
“Yes, Jolene,” Emma said. “I’m begging you please don’t take my man!”
“Your man?” Auli’i had asked. “As in Tom?”
Y/N chuckled. “Uh...Well….er.”
“Please, you’re dating, right?” She laughed.
Y/N didn’t answer.
“Please, it’s kind of obvious,” Auli’i explained. “You guys have tried to be subtle but we all know it.”
Well, there goes their attempt at trying to be professional. It didn’t matter, honestly. But it did bother her knowing that Cherry was the only girl in there, but thankfully, her own brother had kept Cherry occupied, thank god.
Y/N was also bothered by the fact Tom wasn’t by her side, just slightly bothered. She guessed, however, that he was having fun with his brothers. She wondered where Timmy was, because all she could see was the guys, and Cherry, at the table getting their asses drunk.
Especially Timmy.
Emma had dragged them back to the place, y/n had tried to get close to Tom, who had also tried to pull her close to him, but somehow she had been dragged away again. It was annoying, and the night kept going like that. She hadn’t had one single minute with Tom, and it was bothering her. Tom, too, it seemed.
Tom was very bothered by the fact that y/n kept being pulled by her friends, not that they were doing it to specifically bother him, but it was… annoying. Also, having Cherry around, was not a perfect situation, especially because she was insisting on talking to him. What in this world was she trying to do?
He didn’t want to deal with that, he only wanted to have fun. Besides, a club with loud music was definitely not the place to talk. Not on his… girlfriend’s? Birthday celebration.
The night was getting blurry, to him, to everyone. Half past twelve, it was getting darker, and the drinks had come and gone, drink after drink. Everyone seemed to be having a very good time, and he wasn’t sure but the lights on the club had probably lowered, flashes green and yellow were blinding him. The group was constantly divided, and he had had only a small chance to dance with y/n. The music was buzzing too loud, as he escaped through the crowds, trying to find y/n, and he saw her, dancing with everyone and then, Timmy had dragged her close to him, she didn’t even notice as she danced and sang along to the… 70’s, yeah 70’s song playing. Tom feared it, because it’s not difficult to know when someone wants to kiss the person you’re in love with. Tim was drunk, Tom knew this, and the look in his eyes was saying everything. And though he didn’t see that look on y/n, he feared it.
Tom quickly had pulled her by the hand and finally wrapped his arms around her so they could dance.
Tim had only rolled his eyes but kept dancing with Emma.
“Hi!” y/n had cheered as soon as she saw Tom.
“Hey!”
“Where have you been?” She asked, leaning to his ear.
“Here and there,” he admitted, she only giggled to lean over to kiss him.
Everything was going too quickly, the lights and music were not helping. They had barely danced before Emma had dragged y/n.
“I’m sorry, Tom, but it’s y/n’s and I turn to go to the karaoke!” Emma had said before getting her away.
“You were getting too comfortable,” Tom had barked at Tim.
“Pff,” Tim had scoffed. “You’re scared it’ll happen again?”
“What?” Tom frowned. “I’m-- she’s with me.”
“Yet she slept with me just before you arrived,” Tim had blurted.
Tom had felt the music getting louder, and louder, just as Tim had left and Tom was sunk into the dancing crowd.
He didn’t have to believe him… right?
In the state of shock, he only tried to follow after where Emma and y/n were heading.The karaoke music was playing, Emma had chosen ‘Gimme, Gimme, Gimme (A Man after midnight!)’ for her and y/n to sing, and they had started, happily singing as she was so unaware of what Tom was feeling right now. Not sure if it was anger, disappointment, jealousy, or all at once.
The group had followed after them, too, as they were expectant to see the birthday girl, first receiving a very flattering shot of… Tom thought it was probably vodka as soon as she got to the stage. Emma and her sang and yelled, and the group danced and danced. Emma being such a crowd pleaser, yelling and making them cheer.
Tom couldn't.
Is there a man out there? Someone to hear my prayers…
There was no sight of Tim, that was alright, he guessed. But then it… Tom’s mind went to every single time he’d seen her around Tim. It was so fucking obvious, of course they had slept together, and y/n probably still had feelings for him.
Tom was the only one who wasn’t dancing.
Emma had jumped off the stage to land on Josh, and then without even thinking about it, she had kissed him, right in front of Harry.
Sam and Clark had joined y/n on the stage, everyone was just too bloody drunk, and the song seemed to be never ending. Or maybe Tom hadn’t noticed when it had changed, it sounded like another ABBA song. And it was… ‘Voulez-Vous’. Now it was Y/N, Sam and Clark.
Tom didn’t even realize when Cherry was around him, and it probably was the alcohol working out but he danced with her. Not sure why.
Y/N saw it, right from the stage, but luckily Clark had been kind enough to dance with her as someone else had hopped to the stage to sing with them, now that y/n was definitely not able to sing.
And just as the song was ending, and as the next group of girls had popped on the stage, she saw it, perfectly happening, Cherry’s lips were on Tom’s.
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my thoughts on the crank palace
i touched about this a bit on twitter (@newtedison_) but i figured i would Try and touch on my points more here (spoilers obv) again, its sort of lengthy
1. im gonna start with talking about the ending because i need to get it out of the way. either i havent read the books in a while and i forgot some canon (which could very well be true, i literally forgot that Bliss was a thing) or this ending makes no sense and is (somehow) setting up for a tdc sequel? so first off, newt was shot in the Head with a Bullet and somehow didnt immediately die? i know that that can happen in real life but it just seems so unlikely that not only would he not die, but he would survive long enough for someone from WCKD to transport him back to their labs and try to revive him. and who the fuck was he talking to? did thomas get newt’s journal at some point and i just dont remember? like i said, either im forgetting stuff or this ending doesnt make sense and is setting up a sequel which...i’ll get to later
2. why was this written? like, what was the point? i understand that this wasnt going to be all sunshine and rainbows but i feel like i was reading torture porn. like, literally all that happens is newt gets tortured (which is described in detail) by WCKD soldiers, has bouts of insane-fueled rage where he KILLS MULTIPLE PEOPLE, and then he dies. ??? what did this contribute to the canon? what was this trying to accomplish? truthfully, i never really wanted a newt-POV...well, anything except for maybe those little nuggets he wrote some time ago. but even if i HAD wanted a newt-POV novella, this is not what i would have wanted. he KNOWS that newt is almost universally the most loved character in this franchise. you can tell because he constantly uses him as a way to get fans in his good graces again. so why on earth would he take that character that so many people love and write a novella where its torture porn and a descent into madness before death? i am not interested in that At All. i’ve read fics (and even written a drabble) where newt is a Crank, and those were more respectful and easier to read than tcp. the parts where newt is having bouts of the Flare were literally exhausting to read; it was described in such vivid and torturous detail that it made me sick reading it. and it didnt help that newt is a character i care a lot about. i didn’t need to know what becoming a Crank felt like. the way it was described in the other books (and even the movies) told me everything i needed to know. the way thomas and everyone found newt at the crank palace in tdc and hes described as obviously not well, but not knowing what exactly happened to him...thats good enough on its own. the mystery of what exactly newt had to endure is part of what gives his journey more emotional depth. not everything needs to be written out and explained. not every gap needs to be filled in.
3. me saying “the characterization felt off” is going to make some people roll their eyes because ‘duh, sami, the characterization will be off because he’s going insane’ to which i say...exactly. we weren’t really reading a newt-POV novella, were we? even if he isn’t past the Gone in the beginning, hes clearly not the same person we knew him as. the whole novella felt like an uncanny valley situation; i knew i was supposed to be reading about newt, but it felt like i was reading about someone else who looked like him. and that is part of what made this such a disconnect and made me lose interest at parts. not only that, but the world building and lore is inconsistent. newt makes a comment about how it used to rain in the glade, and apparently (as ive been told) that is simply not true. keisha having somehow working cell phone that magically connects her to her family also doesnt make sense. how would they have each others’ numbers? what are the odds that they BOTH found working cell phones in an apocalypse? i get that its a novella but you cant just throw something that crazy in there as a plot convenience. actually work on your plot and world building in a cohesive way, please. and another thing that doesnt make sense...
4. ...is newt finding out that sonya is his sister. if there was anything i would have wanted from a newt-pov novella, it would have been this. him finding out that not only is sonya his sister, but he already knows her post-WCKD. something that would have made this novella actually captivating, contributing something worthwhile to the canon that i would actually want to read, is if newt found out while in the crank palace that sonya was his sister; the Flare would remove that part of the Slice in his brain, and he would realize it was her. then, knowing that he couldnt go past the Gone before seeing her, he would try to find a way to get back to her. he could learn this after thomas and everyone originally see him, so it could match up with the canon. and then, by the time 250 comes along, hes lost all hope of that actually happening, and lashes out to thomas in a fit of rage. the journey of him trying to find his ACTUAL sister would have meant more to me than the story of keisha and dante. trust me, i love a found family trope as much as the next girl. but this series is FULL of the found family trope. it pretty much is the backbone of the franchise. so to see a blood family dynamic would have been a refreshing change of pace that i actually would have been interested in reading. also, the way that newt DOES find out about sonya is...underwhelming. he just randomly says “you remind me of my sister, sonya” to keisha in the WCKD truck. first of all, sonya is not the name you would actually know her by. you would know her by her birth name (which is lizzy? elizabeth?). second, why does he act like he didnt already meet her in the series? when the WCKD doctor tells him sonya is his sister and is alive, hes so surprised. wouldn’t he have known that already? why is there not more emphasis on the fact he already met her? that would have been a really interesting dynamic to explore, and im sad they didnt
5. the pacing and dialogue of tcp is so dragged out. i remember specifically there was a section where newt goes to talk to keisha after she starts abandoning dante, and i swear to god there was a page and a half of text before anything ACTUALLY happened or anyone ACTUALLY said anything. dashner described a launcher at one point as “the energy dependent electric firing projectile device.” that’s SIX words to describe a stun gun. a fucking stun gun! we know what it is! why did you have to use six words??? it just felt like everything was dragged and stretched to the longest it could possibly be and it added to the exhaustion i felt while reading it
6. okay i cant end it without talking about newtmas. its very obvious by now that newtmas is a VERY large part of this fanbase. its clearly the most popular ship and what keeps a lot of people interested in this series. even the marketing team for the MOVIES used newtmas as a advertising tactic (i.e.; using thomas and newt standing face to face as a thumbnail for the trailer, emphasizing newtmas based questions in interviews, even making a fucking facebook memories video for them. yes that last one is real). not only does dashner use newt as a way to lure fans in; he also uses newtmas. the parts that were sprinkled into this were so obvious that it didnt feel authentic. i cant speak for the original trilogy; i dont know the culture around ships back then, and i dont know how much it influenced his writing at the time. but the scenes in those books felt more genuine than tcp. by genuine i mean; he wrote scenes without a relationship in mind, but the chemistry had noticeable subtext that, while unintentional, was largely agreed upon by the larger audience. the parts of newtmas he added into tcp felt artificial and forced, likely as a way for people to take snippets of and use as a free marketing tool for him. one example you might have already seen; “he had already gotten used to his post-thomas, post-WCKD life.” the fact that dashner SPECIFICALLY used the phrase “post-thomas” rather than “post-his friends” or something similar shows that he is using newtmas as a hook on purpose. not only that, but to make newt’s last thoughts as he died “tommy. tommy will understand...” is...wow. first of all, i never wanted to know what newt’s dying thoughts were, but thanks, i guess? and second, when we all initially thought newt died underneath thomas with a gun to his head, i was pretty much inferred that newts last thoughts would probably be about thomas; they would sort of have to be, given the circumstances. so adding that in gives me the same feeling that “i’m coming for you, newt” at the end of the fever code gave me. not as offensive, but written very much on purpose. and the ending is implying that there will somehow be a sequel where thomas gets newt’s journal from...someone. at this point, i can only think that this sequel will retroactively make newtmas canon somehow. now that newt has been confirmed as gay, it could happen. which brings me to my last point...
7. hearing dashner confirm newt is gay was already mind-boggling before. now that i’ve read the crank palace...im angry. im very angry. i think its safe to say that newt is the character that suffers the most in this series. you can argue with me but hes definitely high on the list, if not #1. so; you take this character. you give him a horribly sad arc in the original trilogy, then decide to expand upon it and tell us, your largely QUEER fanbase, exactly how painful and torturous his last days were, in detail. and then you tell us he’s gay. something that is never mentioned in the canon, only in an offhanded reply to a tweet of someone calling you out. on a base level, i can understand why people would be happy. representation (i guess), seeing themselves in the character, having their headcanons be confirmed. great. but what i see is you telling your largely queer fanbase “hey, you see the only confirmed gay character? im going to literally write torture porn about him before killing him off and offer it to you like im providing a service to your community.” how fucked up is that? “hey, kids, if youre gay, you WILL be violently tortured and become violent and a danger to the ones you love. then you will die and your love will never be reciprocated.” what a message! and if he DOES end up retroactively making newtmas “canon” in some weird sequel...i will start foaming at the mouth. THIS is an example of how not all queer representation is good or genuine.
i’ve definitely forgotten some points but this is long enough already. let me know if you agree or if theres anything else you want to add! im interested in what you guys think
(8. I JUST REMEMBERED!!! if WCKD needed to study newt so bad bc sonya is his sister and is immune while he isnt, why did they let him run around the crank palace in the first place??? you cant test his vitals or anything you’re literally just watching him. what is the point????)
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Hi!
Sorry for troubling you with this but I wanted to clarify something for myself. In those posts where you were answering people's questions about, whether Cas's got himself a soul or was saved by Jack, and were saying that it all was in the script, which leaked a long time ago, and all over your meta. But how can people, who didn't read the script and your posts, work it out? Like was there something on the show which said how souls are created through feelings? Because it seems a bit of a stretch that the authors made, for example, so much obvious that Cas's confession was love confession but failed to deliver some at least visual evidence that he got to heaven (with some spec of light in the Empty or something). They had to give some verbal or noticeable visual evidence of the process of creating a soul or Cas going to heaven.
Or we were supposed to get this from the fact that souls don't go to the Empty?
Everyone explained it with Jack because they have seen him an episode before calling desperately for Cas because he missed him and then getting the abilities to bring him back.
Figuring out the soul option from only TV episodes requires analysis if it is even possible, which i don't think, the authors thought the audience would do.
So what do you think about it?
Sorry for the length. And thank you.
So here’s the deal: do I imagine somewhere, in the depths of official business notes even beyond script drafts, there may even be a “yeah sure whatever jack brought him back” to answer any questions to the same suits that can’t tell what the fucking Roadhouse is much less more nuanced story beats? Sure.
But here’s the beats.
Check my #Shadow and #Cosmogenesis tags to begin--but in summary: the shadow is both a protogenic and personal psychological concept of the unformed or unaddressed self, and As-Above-So-Below, of the unformed and unperceived world. That is to say-- everyone and everything has a shadow. If you check out Jung, he explains essentially that the shadow is everything we repress about ourselves or fear addressing.
Now, look at the Occultum, where Jack reclaimed his soul; as Cas put it: “Loosely translated: In order to be in the occultum, the occultum must be in you.” -- but also remember the same episode highlighted “Occultum” is just Latin for “hidden.” -- They made an entire funny trade-off about that.
See, with the alchemy theme on the year, the original cipher reads, in Latin: “Visita Interiora Terrae Rectificando Invenies Occultum Lapidem,” or in English, “Visit the interior of the earth and rectifying you will find the hidden stone.”
The motto originated in L’Azoth des Philosophes by the 15th Century alchemist Basilius Valentinus. But in alchemy, the shorthand is that the earth is symbolic of the body, and the hidden stone is the perfect soul.
Naming it the Occultum in Latin, and highlighting the latin, then randomly transcribing it in Enochian for Castiel to be the one to get that line spoken was incredibly poignant: they streamlined the symbolism with his “roughly translated” commentary, but the sentiment remained. Given, the gnostic dweebs in our server, when we realized Jack literally ATE IT:
Either way, Jack disappears into the occultum within him to unlock his hidden soul, where the serpent asks one of the prime questions of the journey of the self: “Who Are You?” -- in rectifying what is found there, Jack rediscovers his soul and is reborn.
But the Occultum isn’t only JUST this literal place. It’s a place, it’s a thing, whatever it is, it’s powerful. That was the core key to come in contact with it, but the moral of the story is simple: the kingdom of heaven is within you all along.
But first we have issues to rectify.
The stages are simple. The Shadow asks, “Who are they?” in its dawning state, lacking self identity. On a cosmogenic level, this is where for example Chuck and Amara come to be. On a personal level, this is when we look both outward at other people for identity and even almost disassociated from ourselves.
“I know what you hate, I know who you love, what you fear, there is nothing for you back there.” - Castiel’s shadow on an individual level reflected this in a detached third person sort of way, even if the reflection itself is incredibly personal. The speech is “I speak in order to affirm we are the same.” -- I’m you, you’re me. But if the shadow is rejected, we do not address it.
The Animus, or basic ego, asks “Who am I?” it’s the first stage of wondering. The speech phase is marked “I don’t speak as I don’t dare.” By the next phase (Anima, the superego or dawning soul), it’s “Who are you?” and the speech phase is “I speak as I don’t dare to remain silent.”
On Castiel’s journey, this comes through things like the prayer group where he talks about rediscovering who he was. In the raw initial text, it was coming to realize that he became a father and found a family. But later, 15.18 -- as we approach a stage called Rubedo or the Magician -- has the question “Who art thou”. The speech stage is “I speak in order to hear what I have to say.”
Now, Dean for example had his share of this journey even if it was less about gaining a soul as SPN gives him one as a human birthright but more in repairing the damages on it and also learning when to let go. The four phases are also associated with birthing phases. And death phases. Rubedo is death and birth at the same time.
Notice closely Castiel’s dialogue with Dean; in Purgatory, in a stage reflective of the shadow called Nigredo, where their relationship had rotten and putrefied, he took a knee into Albedo, connected to Animus. I don’t know why I get so angry. It’s always been there. And I can’t stop it. You’re my best friend and I just let you go. No matter how hard I try, I just can’t stop it. I’m sorry it took me so long to say it. Cas, there’s something I have to tell you.
But I don’t speak as I don’t dare/you don’t have to say it.
Castiel turned around in his own awakening and answered this prayer. He addressed why Dean has these self worth and anger issues and how worthy he is of love.
This, just like several other visuals on the year (15.09, 13) are symbolic of something called the Marriage of the Minds. If Grace/Mind is embodied in Castiel, which also mirrors the divine feminine (hence calling the light Rowena parallel in both his death and what he does post-rebirth), and well--Soul and humanity has always been Dean, which is also the solar emblem. Their union gives life to the World, which they just kept kicking us in the teeth with both the phrase of over the year and the visuals in 19. Cue, planetary zoomout, for reasons.
But this also falls into the shadow’s “threat” to Castiel: When you let the sun shine on your face, that’s when I’ll come.
Castiel poured out his heart and, well... soul, basically, about Dean. He changed because of Dean. He carried his torch of right and wrong and what it meant to love because of Dean. Dean changed him. And the moon and mind was full of light reflected in the soul, because of what they did and learned for the Whole World. For love.
A phrase from the corpus hermeticum is, “The cause of Death is Love, but Love is All,” and All itself is another macro/microcosm: the All is the Shadow when perceived, the universal soul, it is essentially--in SPN terms--heaven, unadulterated by the whims of the demiurge that was Chuck. It is the place where souls are born -- as the occultum, the garden, led to Eden, which DSOTM also tells us some see as god’s throne. It’s that we all have a throne inside of ourselves.
Castiel in subsuming Death in an act of love addressed his every fear and repressed issue of himself, and came to learn that Happiness wasn’t in the having, it was in the Being, it was in the Just Speaking It. The just tweeting it out.
But if you track back to those cosmogenics tags, Being comes from the Prima Materia, and the Prima Materia once perceived is the light of the world that is the soul. Souls are real, everything else is perception. People, families, we are.
The Empty is both a cosmogenic paradox and a place within ourselves of our own hollowness -- those things we won’t let ourselves have or feel, but without it, we will never be complete. The idea embodied in the occultum is opposite of that, but also within all of us. It’s nowhere-everywhere-in-us. It’s a matter of asking: Who are you? Who am I?
“You think that’s what you are/That is not who you are.” Castiel addressed, but instead told him of love, and the world, and being the most loving man he would ever meet. “That is who you are.”
In this moment Castiel addressed both himself, and even Dean’s issues. Castiel answered who he was and, at the same time, helped Dean come to peace with who *he* is. And that sacrifice and moment would not be in vain. So it was time to stop the anger, and the desperation, and to live on as intended, and eventually let go in peace come his time.
Sam’s path on this was always leading opposite and always leading him towards earth. Not in a bad way either. It’s fine to do that. Sam had his own chance at individuality told in the future-story.
But it’s about the Shadow integration, about the difference in Being or Absence and knowing what is Good, in about the peace we can find in all of ourselves to be complete.
I do feel a bit sad that the plot end had to be diverted; they generally addressed the idea of Dean needing to speak at the end of the road. But the original point he “had to tell you” and got shut down on never manifest, to the expectable disappointment of all. But I guess that’s what eternity-ever-after is for.
“Castiel is At Peace.” -- At Peace. Heaven tag. Not the Empty. “Mary Winchester is At Peace”, remember that? And teaching the guys to let go and move on because she was at peace?
Even souls can burn out--that’s what demons even are after all. The fact that Dean’s story long walked parallel to the threat of wandering into the Empty isn’t a fluke either. Because of his own issues the concept reflects. But he didn’t. He went to heaven. And probably has 15.09 and 15.18 to thank for that in the subtext.
Integrating with the shadow to become a complete persona (Jung) or soul (general alchemy) aka gold (also general alchemy) doesn’t leave regrets to even sit there and dream about. In fact, the entire heaven structure and division--even that’s perceptual. Check out the Axis Mundi meta on that. Chuck protected his Thought Box against the shadow and it needed summoned, but anybody notice it’s fine on rolling through heaven? It’s up to the rules in each chamber there. It’s just the flipside of the garden/throne/heaven-- it’s not being At Peace. It’s not being full. It’s not being your complete self. It’s just Absence (14.18, the soul.)
The Shadow haunted Castiel as his fears, and when Castiel lacked self worth and to some extent invited death and suffering, it reflected those desires. But in addressing the reasons for having them, it turns into another form of Being entirely.
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In the first cold hours of a new December morning, Taylor Swift once again revealed herself to be the primary antagonist in my hero’s journey. Weary and woebegone as I am, I will not waste strength on any attempt to deny that this latest attack has knocked me off balance, but I believe it is important that I—we, really, the lot of us who have been bloodied pitiably beneath this most brutal show of force—rebound immediately into a defensive posture so that there might be any hope at all for survival. Taylor’s second pandemic album will be released at midnight tonight, so I guess Shakespeare and his little “play” about elder abuse can get fucked after all. The album is called evermore. It was hubris, I can see in retrospect, which led me to tempt my enemy by writing all these words about her on this, the week of her birthday, knowing as I do that Taylor is one of those especially dangerous adults who make a big deal about both birthdays and lucky numbers. Icarus is my name now, covered in melted wax and tumbling to the sea. So as to steel ourselves for these horrors yet to come, I offer now, with not arrogance but the faith of the foolhardy, my best conjecture as to the content of each detestable track.
willow - Could be about a tree. Could be about a girl. More likely it is both somehow, which is extremely pervy, and not just because that’s part of the plot of the unspeakably cursed The Raven Cycle novels, which I, a full blown adult with, generally speaking, normal brain function, voluntarily read for the first time this summer because some of us, ma’am, used the pandemic for activities that hurt only ourselves, not others. Well, happy holidays, tree fuckers.
champagne problems - Whatever this is, know that I will be considering it a work after Fall Out Boy’s “Champagne for My Real Friends, Real Pain for My Sham Friends” and I’ll be right to do so and many people will say as much admiringly and they’ll smile at me with pride and doff their caps as I go.
gold rush - If this song is anything but a loving, comprehensive summation of the children’s novel DEAR AMERICA Seeds of Hope: The Gold Rush Diary of Susanna Fairchild then I’m going to walk directly out of my home and, deadly virus be damned, keep walking until I’ve entered Taylor Swift’s instead, at which point I will begin to scream out a litany of complaints at the very top of my voice, ceasing only when her security team kills me or we fall in love.
tis the damn season - Worst case scenario this is a sad Christmas song (the best kind of Christmas song) and it devastates me in the most degrading way possible. Best case scenario it’s really bad and dumb and I can live without pain.
tolerate it - Many possibilities here. Could be about white-knuckling it through a period of depression, or a breakup. Most obviously, it could be about COVID-19 lockdowns keeping us trapped in our homes, disconnected from loved ones, going slow-brained and strange, bowls piling up, and suddenly so desperate for human interaction that even memories of having drinks with somebody from Hinge who quoted Friends twice in an hour are tantalizing in comparison to the touch-starved dreamstate of staying indoors... But I kinda feel like this is Taylor replying “COPE” from on high to my tweets about how I would rather be boiled alive than have to face the existence of this record.
no body, no crime (feat. Haim) - What would be very good is if this is a homosexual romp about Taylor Swift and the one hot Haim guitar girl with the really gay energy doing a murder together a la “Somethin’ Bad” by Miranda Lambert with Carrie Underwood, but honestly, it is probably another song about Gone Girl.
happiness - Impossible to speak on this since, thanks to Taylor Swift, happiness is something with which I have no familiarity.
dorothea - Have seen chirping on the odious bird application about how perhaps this song title suggests that Taylor has written a song about Middlemarch, titling it for Dorothea Brooke, but I reject this because it implies that Taylor has read Middlemarch, which is a premise I cannot accept. Whether this refusal is out of self-preservation, being unwilling and in fact unable to face a world where Taylor Swift read and was moved to creation by the novel which was my most essential friend the summer I got dumped by a guy who I still had to work feet away from in a candle factory for another month, and about which Emily Dickinson (Emily Dickinson whose birthday it happens to be today, which isn’t to say that this means anything about anything. I am simply trying to batten down all hatches literally and spiritually in light of having been had once again by this numerology obsessed demon) once wrote "What do I think of Middlemarch? What do I think of glory.” or because I just at my core do not believe that Taylor has read a single book since Gone Girl I couldn’t possibly say.
coney island (feat. The National) : Some ungodly americana ass bullshit that is going to ruin my life. The thought of holy terror shaped like a horse girl Taylor Swift and trickster nymph in the body of a tax accountant Matt Berninger, two individuals I have allowed, separately, to cause me grievous psychic harm, having even the barest amount of one to one contact, even digitally, has made me want to peel all my skin off and put it back on flipped inside out so that I might, when I look in the mirror, see a version of myself which approximates how I feel.
ivy - Another song for the plant lesbians. That’s fine, and I’m happy for that community, but what I want to know, looking at this growing pile of songs named after women, is where, Taylor, is the song about loudmouth queen Inez, legendary gossip and, for my money, the star of folklore?
cowboy like me - Putting it as mildly as humanly possible, to slit my throat would be less cruel. I am drawing a straight line from me writing illegible sequels to perfect film An American Tail: Fievel Goes West (itself a sequel) in crayon as a toddler, to Paula Cole’s “Where Have All the Cowboys Gone?” on the radio in my mom’s two door Honda, to me everyday after school in third grade changing into the cowboy costume my godmother bought, to me at fourteen internalizing a sense of righteous indignation that would take years to even begin to outgrow when Crash beat Brokeback Mountain for Best Picture, to the winter I dropped half my classes out of fear and sickness and read paperback westerns on the twenty third floor of the college library for tens of hours at a go, to the profoundly gay episode of Supernatural called “Tombstone” which is, yes, named for the profoundly gay cowboy film Tombstone, to the inspired and revitalizing pause in “Space Cowboy” by Kacey Musgraves where she’s like, “You can have your space........ cowboy”, to Mitski’s Be the Cowboy, to the perfect boygenius cover of certified classic “Cowboy Take Me Away”, to whatever the hell this is going to be.That line is not to make a point at all. It’s just that there is a line and beside it there is me, incapacitated.
long story short - Just like all the other times anyone has ever invoked this phrase in the entire history of human beings expressing themselves with language, it is going to be a huge lie, because this woman never shuts up.
marjorie - After all that Taylor has put me through over the years, she should have at least named one of these wretched things “ellen” after my dead Sagittarian grandmother, whose birthday is tomorrow, December 11th, which is again, the release date of Taylor Swift’s second album in sixth months, but it’s probably for the best that she didn’t because you simpletons would immediately think it was an homage to George Bush’s friend Dory the fish, and therefore gay, regardless of the actual text of the song, and it’d be the “betty” massacre all over again. That being said, this is almost assuredly another horny song about some mid-century white lady. Only days ago Taylor was telling Entertainment Weekly that she’s been watching a lot of movies in quarantine, and while she didn’t name 1958’s Marjorie Morningstar starring Natalie Wood, I wouldn’t put it past her.
closure - God, I hope this one is another Kaylor classic so we can all act like complete raving lunatics online from the confines of our own plague quarters for a few days. It’s been a hard year.
evermore (feat. Bon Iver) - I’ll be catatonic by this point. Who cares?
right where you left me - Yes, in hell.
it’s time to go - Yes, TO HELL.
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January 16, 2022.
faith.
It’s a pretty damn lonely journey and not just because we’re in a pandemic.
It’s not as simple as telling him, “I wish you could be happy for me.”
maintenance.
Right now it’s about getting calories, nothing much more complex than that. This morning I bought more nuts and dried fruits. Some are for Tu B’Shevat tomorrow and most are for low-effort snacking. I also signed up for a half marathon in late spring; it’ll be the longest distance I’ve ever run and therefore will require Actual Training.
(I’ve just remembered an unfinished poem titled “Holy Penance on the Treadmill.” I made notes for it when I was depressed in college and holy fuck, I’m really looking forward to someday rooting out the internalized belief that ‘suffering = worthiness, you gotta earn good things’ and throwing that whole stupid mindset in the trash. In the meantime the reasons I’m using to justify the half are a) exercise is supposed to help, b) I need excuses to get out of bed in the mornings, and c) me running a half will make a friend of mine very happy.)
Doctor’s appointment: Done. Next up: Therapy. Hoping to schedule two more appointments for various things in February with the hope that by then examinations and whatnot will be marginally safer.
people.
I want to want to date, but I don’t.
My coworkers laughed in sympathy when I said, “I’m really enjoying this pandemic in the middle of my twenties, it’s doing wonders for my social life!” And...yeah. There are much better reasons to be pissed off about everything. My small grievance – among other grievances – is I felt like my life was on hold after college. Hitting the play button would be possible after I got a master’s degree, got a job, moved out of my parent’s house. I’ve checked all those things off and now it’s like, “Ah, a global pandemic! Great time to socialize.”
This isn’t to say I’m not trying. I am! I’m just grumbling the whole way through.
A friend from high school tweeted about dealing with guys who don’t respond: “I’m sought after, I don’t seek.” I’m amused by and a little envious of how easily he claims that stance.
Someone strange and delightful thinks I’m fun and cool. They offered me their phone number. What the heck (in a good way).
responsibilities.
Have been low-key ghosting the organizing group – there’s often not enough time and energy on Fridays to take an hour out of my work day (which has to be made up elsewhere), plus conflicts. I might want to step back and offer financial support instead of time.
Then I could focus more on the professional group, where the responsibilities are only going to increase this year. (I still want to get that book group started.)
making stuff.
Another chapter of the more-autobiographical-than-not fic up. Today I gotta write a short essay; tomorrow I’m hoping to work on the other fic.
I had a joint writing blog with an online friend in high school and early college. He had a Penzu journal, clocked a million or more words in it regularly, was a minimalist and a writer. We wrote letters back and forth. I’m not the best at regular commitments and it petered out. As far as I know he’s off Tumblr (good for him, I hope he’s doing well).
Anyway, he’s who I thought of when reading the Spork literary magazine change log. It’s the closest thing I’ve found to news on Richard Siken’s work and well-being. Who the heck knows what happened to Blue Jupiters (Copper Canyon Press, 2021)?
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IN DEPTH FANDOM QUESTIONS: The Mandalorian and FDTD 💖💖💖
From Dusk Till Dawn
Top 5 favorite characters: Kate, Seth, Scott, Eddie, Vanessa
Other characters you like: Rafa, Ximena, Burt
Least favorite characters: Kisa, Sonja, Carlos, Sex Machine
Otps: sethkate only
Notps: kate/richie, seth/kisa
Favorite friendships: Richie & Scott lmfao
Favorite family: Kate & Scott
Favorite episodes: 1.04, 2.01, 2.02, 3.04, 3.07, 3.09, & 3.10
Favorite season/book/movie: overall I think s1 is probably the best but I like s3 the most
Favorite quotes: “You… be cool” and Kate threatening to bible-thump Richie’s ass back to Kansas XD
Best musical moment: maybe the old west theme that plays after Seth’s flying reload? lmfao
Moment that made you fangirl/boy the hardest: WHEN SETH RUNS TO CHURCH 🙌
When it really disappointed you: when they brought carlos back in s3… 😤
Saddest moment: when they killed kate. also when they killed Eddie
Most well done character death: SONJA. IT WAS WHAT SHE DESERVED
Favorite guest star: Tom Savini as Burt!!
Favorite cast member: MADIE
Character you wish was still alive: Uncle Eddie
One thing you hope really happens: an onscreen sethkate kiss lmfao
Most shocking twist: it’s been so long I can’t remember actually shocked me… lol Maybe Dakota shooting Richie?
When did you start watching/reading?: I first watched s1 in 2015 just a few months before s2 aired.
Best animal/creature: I guess the Xibalbans??
Favorite location: the RV lol & the Dew Drop Inn
Trope you wish they would stop using: killing off all the best characters for man pain
One thing this show/book/film does better than others: giving the “innocent” female character so much depth instead of her just being a one-note goody two shoes character. Kate does bad things too!! And she gets angry sometimes and lashes out!! I love that about her!!
Funniest moments: Seth and Richie’s bet in s3 XD any time Seth says “shut up, Richard”. Kate yelling at Richie. lmfao when Richie was so excited to get a one-way ticket to Xibalba 🤣
Couple you would like to see: sethkate obviously. But also I’d love to see Richie and Scott hanging out too. Also Richie/Dakota!!
Actor/Actress you want to join the cast: Salma Hayek!! That’d be amazing!!!
Favorite outfit: SETH’S JEANS AND HENLEY AND GLOVES!! also Kate’s Amaru outfit. THE RED BOOTS. I WANT THEM.
Favorite item: Kate’s cross, Seth’s jacket
Do you own anything related to this show/book/film?: nope
What house/team/group/friendship group/family/race etc would you be in?: I wanna rob banks with Kate and the geckos!! XD
Most boring plotline: anything involving Kisa and Carlos or Richie tbh. I DON’T CAAAARE
Most laughably bad moment: Natalie as Amaru 🤣 I’M SORRY I CAN’T
Best flashback/flashfoward if any: KATE ROBBING BANKS AT THE END OF S3!!
Most layered character: KATE FUCKING FULLER. Seth too lol
Most one dimensional character: CARLOS
Scariest moment: ngl I was actually afraid for Seth’s life in that fight against Brasa in 3.09. Also when Kate gets kidnapped by the chanan in the temple
Grossest moment: any scene involving Tanner 🤮
Best looking male: SETH 🥵
Best looking female: KATE. IDC SHE’S FUCKING GORGEOUS. Also Monica and Vanessa were really pretty too
Who you’re crushing on (if any): SETH AND KATE. I LOVE THEM BOTH TO DEATH
Favorite cast moment: All of Madie’s on-set photos of DJ lmfao Also any time DJ fangirled over Madie at the panels and interviews XD
Favorite transportation: the camaro seth and Kate ride off into the sunset in at the end of s1. IT’S SETH’S DREAM CAR XD
Most beautiful scene (scenery/shot wise): I think the motel scenes in s2 were really visually appealing to me with all the bright colors
Unanswered question/continuity issue/plot error that bugs you: I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS. TOO MANY TO LIST HERE.
Best promo: All of the cast posts on instagram and twitter and the live tweets during the shows. I also really enjoyed seeing the clips they’d release on twitter and youtube… I liked the one of Seth’s s3 line “reptile, regular jackass, I don’t really give a shit” with the fancy text XD Also Madie’s song “Monsters”!!
At what point did you fall in love with this show/book: I think it was the Mexican Honeymoon episodes. I don’t think I really shipped sethkate before that but they really made the whole show for me
The Mandalorian
Top 5 favorite characters: BABY, MANDO, Peli, Kuiil, & Greef Karga
Other characters you like: IG-11, Fennec Shand, Cobb Vanth
Least favorite characters: Qin & Xi’an
Otps: None
Notps: Mando/Cara. Just. No.
Favorite friendships: Din & Cobb Vanth
Favorite family: Din-Grogu-Kuiil!! Alternatively Din-Grogu-Peli lmfao
Favorite episodes: 1.02, 1.03, 2.01, 2.07 and maybe a couple others idk
Favorite season/book/movie: hmm maybe s1?
Favorite quotes: “I can bring you in warm, or I can bring you in cold” & “I have spoken”
Best musical moment: the theme song!!
Moment that made you fangirl/boy the hardest: when mando rescued his son in ep3!!
When it really disappointed you: WHEN THEY KILLED KUIIL. AND IT HAPPENED OFF SCREEN TOO WTF 😤
Saddest moment: when Din’s ship got blown up right after the baby was kidnapped
Most well done character death: IG-11’s sacrifice
Favorite guest star: umm maybe Matt Lanter in s1? I didn’t actually watch Clone Wars tho :P
Favorite cast member: PEDRO
Character you wish was still alive: KUIIL
One thing you hope really happens: I guess it already happened? baby got to see Din’s face finally
Most shocking twist: how many times Din removed his helmet in s2 lmfao was not expecting that
When did you start watching/reading?: I started watching I think either the same day or the day after ep 1.03 came out lol
Best animal/creature: the blurrgs XD
Favorite location: Tatooine
Trope you wish they would stop using: the baby eating random shit. WATCH YOUR CHILD, MANDO FFS
One thing this show/book/film does better than others: I feel like this series is the most accessible to casual and non star wars fans? I’ve never really been into star wars anything that much ngl but this one I really enjoy. maybe because the creators actually really care about the content and it shows
Funniest moments: the stuff involving the Jawas in ep2 XD
Couple you would like to see: uhh I don’t ship anyone
Actor/Actress you want to join the cast: I heard Sophie Thatcher might be joining in s3? IF NOT THAT’S WHAT I WANT OKAY. A PEDRO AND SOPHIE REUNION.
Favorite outfit: Mando’s suit? I mean c’mon!!
Favorite item: the beskar spear in s2
Do you own anything related to this show/book/film?: a baby!! my tiny green son!! The bigger one with the plastic head lol not the ugly plush
What house/team/group/friendship group/family/race etc would you be in?: haha idk I never thought about it. being a bounty hunter would be cool though
Most boring plotline: that bounty hunter noob betraying mando, as if no one saw that coming
Most laughably bad moment: Gina’s acting lmfao
Best flashback/flashfoward if any: so it’s not really a flashback, but Grogu’s memories before meeting Mando
Most layered character: Din!! Just his whole journey through fatherhood and his struggles in s2 with figuring out how he can reconcile practicing his religion with his obligations to the things he cares about
Most one dimensional character: those bounty hunters in 1.06
Scariest moment: so maybe it’s not scary exactly, but when the baby was getting beat up by that asshole storm trooper. I was afraid he’d get hurt
Grossest moment: the scene with the space spiders
Best looking male: Cobb Vanth!!
Best looking female: Fennec!!
Who you’re crushing on (if any): Din of course
Favorite cast moment: anything involving Pedro. Maybe that one clip of him doing voice overs while holding a pillow and pretending it’s the baby XD
Favorite transportation: rip razor crest 😥
Most beautiful scene (scenery/shot wise): haha idk I guess whichever planet it is that mando takes the baby to contact more jedi
Unanswered question/continuity issue/plot error that bugs you: nothing I can think of…
Best promo: all the baby merch!! Also any interview with Pedro XD
At what point did you fall in love with this show/book: ep3!!
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