#This got much longer than I intended

[theresthesnitch]

How Peter became the Traitor

Per request by @petalstofish, here's how I think that Peter was turned. Head canon style because I'm not writing this 160k fic.

Background and basic assuptions

Peter was a pureblood, but not a wealthy pureblood the way James and Sirius were. He was accepted in Voldemort's circles, had the privilege of his blood status, but without the connections that money brings. They weren't poor, just not "live off my Gringotts vaults" rich.

Peter is smart. Maybe not as naturally talented as James and Sirius, but he's not dumb. He's also clever, and not nearly as charismatic as James and Sirius.

All four Marauders were incredibly close by the time they graduated. They would have trusted each other with anything and everything. There were no signs of betrayal from anyone.

After they graduated, James moved in with Lily, Remus moved in with Sirius, and Peter lived alone–regardless of if this happened immediately or if James moved out of a flat with Sirius when he married Lily and Remus moved in (also, with or without Wolfstar)

As happens after school, they drifted apart. They just don't see each other as much, and that naturally created space.

When they left school, all four of them were committed to fighting for the Order. James and Sirius didn't even look for jobs and committed themselves to the Order. Remus tried to find work, but couldn't keep a job more than a few months. Peter had to work, and had some low level job at the Ministry with a boss who couldn't remember his name.

Voldemort was looking for an Order spy, and charged the Death Eaters to convert someone.

The Corruption of Peter Pettigrew

Peter was out on a mission, and something went wrong. He ended up alone and cornered by a single death eater without his wand. He thought he was going to die as the death eater approached, wand gripped in his hand, when the DE suddenly stopped. "Peter Pettigrew?" The DE pulled off his mask, and it's Lucius Malfoy. Peter remembers him from school. He was a few years older than the Marauders, and a perfect, and Peter remembers being a little in awe of him. "I haven't seen you in years, Peter. I can't believe it's you." Lucius lets him go, makes it feel a bit like a favor and a happy meet up. Peter never told anyone. No one would believe him, right?

Peter starts seeing Lucius around, and Lucius always acknowledges him. A smile, a handshake, a kind word. It throws him off, because Lucius is a death eater and they're supposed to be bad, right? But he's so kind to Peter.

Meanwhile, Peter is feeling distanced from the Marauders. They are sworn to secrecy about their missions more often than not, so that makes it hard to talk. Plus, Remus and Sirius live together, and it seems like they're always with James anyway. In reality, James and Sirius just pop over to each other's houses, but Peter hears it as, "Remember the other day when you said... Oh Pete, I wish you were there." James and Sirius just show up at each other's place, and Peter always waits for an invite, which makes him feel left out.

Lucius invites him to a party. It's not a DE thing, just a party. James also had an invite, and he laughs with Sirius at the Order meeting that he would never go to that nonsense. Peter decides to go. He's never been invited before. It can't be bad, right? The minister is there, and his boss, and people seem happy to see him. This happens a few times. Dinner parties, weddings, etc.

Lucius invites Peter to drinks one day, and they go to some dingy pub with no one Peter recognizes. They just talk, and Peter goes home feeling happy. Lucius is his friend.

The indoctrination starts slow. Didn't you hear about the crazy muggle riot? I've never understood how the muggles are so violent. It's not really fair that muggleborn was selected for that position over someone as deserving as you. We don't want to kill all muggleborns, that's preposterous. We just want those of us who are deserving to get what we are owed. Like you, Peter. Don't you think you deserve better?

Eventually, Peter starts questioning things. It's hard to stay passionate about the cause when he doesn't have James and Sirius passionately defending it. What Lucius says makes sense. The muggles do seem violent, and it isn't fair that Margaret was picked over him, and they don't want to kill muggleborns.

One day, Lucius invites Peter to dinner at Malfoy Manner. It's a special occasion, he tells him, so wear your best. Peter shows up, and it's just Lucius and Narcissa, who greets him with a kiss to the cheek and a how've you been, and Voldemort, sitting at the head of the table. Peter is a little intimidated at first, but Voldemort is charming and talks to Peter, and he doesn't seem evil or corrupt. When they leave, Voldemort shakes his hand and tells him it was very nice to meet him.

James and Lily announce their pregnant, and suddenly everything is about the baby. All they talk about is the baby, and Peter doesn't even like babies.

Lucius tells him on the next night out that Voldemort was really thrilled with him and thought he was great. Lucius gets him a promotion at work, and his boss starts calling him by name. Lucius says that Voldemort thought he was far too smart to waste away in that low position, so he pulled some strings.

Dumbledore is secretive, and the mood around the Order is dark. They don't feel like they're winning.

Voldemort is kind and courteous, passing messages through Lucius, and Peter gets the occasional gift too. Nothing big, but just kindness.

Peter share secrets...

Eventually, Peter is having dinner with Lucius and Voldemort, and he mentions how on his last mission, they were watching one of the DE safe houses. At the next Order meeting, Moody is ranting about how they need to be more discreet because their operation must have been found and the DE moved safehouses. Peter realizes that he was the cause.

Lucius tells him that they just moved the safehouse so no one would get hurt. No one wants a confrontation that could result in injuries. Peter definitely didn't want any injuries. Lucius tells Peter that he helped save lives, and if he wants to share any other information so that they can make sure no one gets hurt, then that would be a good thing. Peter thinks that might be okay, and shares information when it seems like it's not that big of a deal.

Lucius and Peter continue meeting, though Peter doesn't see Voldemort again. However, Lucius is always quick to pass Voldemort's praise for the help he gives.

Everything goes fine until Fabian and Gideon die. Peter had told Lucius about the mission they were on, and it's the first time that his information resulted in someone dying. Lucius is remorseful, truly. They hadn't meant to kill the Prewetts, but they fought back and it was a them or us situation. Peter tells Lucius that he won't pass information anymore, and Lucius tells him that it is a mistake. More people will die if Peter doesn't, and doesn't he want to show the Dark Lord how grateful he is for the things he's done? Peter relents, and agrees to pass more information.

Peter makes sure that he never tells them about missions that involve James, Sirius or Remus, not if he can help it. There was a close call with James switching in for Edgar Bones, but they were fine.

Caradoc Dearborn goes missing on a mission Peter told Lucius about. They don't know if he's dead, but he must be, right? Peter asks Lucius, who just smiles and tells him not to worry about Caradoc. He won't say anything more, but it sits uncomfortably in Peter's gut.

Peter still passes information, but only small stuff. Little things that don't really matter. Lucius sighs each time and asks him if that's all.

The Order knows there's a spy, and he hears whispers about it. No one suspects him, of course. No one thinks he is capable. They suspect Sirius, the Black Family Heir. They suspect Remus, who comes back from every mission he can't talk about in a darker mood. Peter adds in that Remus seems to be hiding something, not that he really thinks he is, but maybe they won't suspect Peter if they think it's Remus. They always nod and say Remus is acting odd.

From secrets to spy

Lucius starts demanding more information, and Peter is hesitant at first. He was just supposed to keep people safe, right? It doesn't feel safe anymore. Then there's a mission where James almost dies, and it tears Peter apart. Peter demands that Lucius protect his friends, and Lucius turns cold. Why should we? You've stopped giving us information. This is war, and they are losing. Don't you want to be on the side of the winners?

Peter is out on a mission with Edgar Bones, and they are cornered. It's Lucius, though he doesn't remove his mask this time. However, he declares Peter as the spy and says that he should have told them he'd be here, and they wouldn't have come. Edgar realizes what's going on, and looks at Peter in shock. The DE disappear, and Edgar tells Peter he's going to tell Dumbledore what he did. Peter goes home, certain the Order is coming for him.

It's 24 hours before he hears anything, and he gets a summons saying there's an emergency Order meeting. Peter goes, assuming it's a trap. At the meeting, Dumbledore gravely tells them that Edgar Bones and all his family were gruesomely killed. No one knows why they were targeted.

Peter gets home, and there's an unsigned note on the table. It says that they took care of Edgar, and stopped his owl to Dumbledore. Next time, they might not bother.

The Order is afraid. Their numbers are dwindling. The mood is bad, and everyone is afraid of losing. Remus and Sirius are fighting, and James tries to meditate, but he's got a wife and a new kid, and they mostly forget Peter.

Peter is afraid, and he doesn't want to be on the losing side, and he's met Voldemort! He's not that bad. So Peter tells Lucius that he'll do it. He'll be the spy.

Lucius tells Peter that Voldemort is questioning his loyalty, and he needs to make a showing of it. Peter has to kill Marlene, and if he doesn't, Lucius has been ordered to kill Peter and then take out Marlene, and that then they'll start making their way through the Marauders. Peter likes Marlene, but if the choice is between Marlene and the Marauders, then Peter has to choose his friends.

Peter knows he could never take Dorcas, so he waits until Marlene mentions going to visit her family. Dorcas is on a mission, so it will just be Marlene and her muggle family, and Peter can handle that. It'll be fine. Lucius comes along to make sure he does it, and he does.

The funerals for Marlene and her family are sad, but Peter is praised and lauded by Voldemort. He's given another promotion at work. Peter thinks he made the right choice. He can protect his friends and still be on the winning side.

Dorcas goes after Voldemort, believing that he gave the order to kill Marlene. Peter isn't there when it happens, but Lucius tells him that Voldemort told her that Peter did it. Dorcas was going to go and kill Peter, but Voldemort killed her first. Voldemort saved Peter. What the Order learns about her death confirms the story, as much as they can.

Peter continues passing information, protecting his friend but giving Voldemort the strategic advantage. The order starts wondering why the Marauders are untouched. Everyone looks at Remus.

The prophecy comes to light, and the Potters go into hiding. Remus and Sirius are fighting more than ever, and Peter barely sees any of them.

Voldemort asks Peter about his friend and their baby. Peter blows it off--it's not Harry, definitely not. He won't be Voldemort's downfall. Voldemort tells him that he's probably right, but Peter could get them access to the baby anyway, right? If they wanted to, if they could prove it was him.

Things get darker around the Order. The Longbottoms and the Potters are both hiding, and there are so few people left to fight. Lucius keeps asking Peter how to get to the Potters, and Peter suggests the Longbottoms instead. Anything to protect James.

Word reaches the order that Voldemort is targetting the Potters, and they start looking into more powerful protection spells.

Voldemort and Lucius start putting more pressure on Peter, that he must tell them how to get the Potters. Pressure becomes threats, that they can get Peter wherever he is. Peter resists.

Dumbledore gathers the Marauders and tells them that he has a spell to hide them, but it will require someone holding the secret of their location. Tensions are high among the Marauders, and it's not clear that any of them trust each other.

Peter goes on a mission with Benji Fenwick, and they're caught by Lucius and Voldemort himself. Voldemort asks Peter for the Potter's location, and Peter refuses. Voldemort says that the time is coming for Peter to tell the truth. He won't allow Peter to keep the secret much longer. Voldemort turns his wand on Benji, who is eviscerated. Peter is trembling and covered in blood when the Order comes to help.

Sirius is set to be James's secret keeper, and they plan to keep Remus out of it. Sirius says Remus can't be trusted. James is still hesitant, believing Remus would never betray them. "We're Marauders, Padfoot. We protect each other."

The idea comes to Peter, then. A way to get out of it. He tells James and Sirius that he should be the secret keeper. Remus will expect Sirius--everyone will expect Sirius. Sirius thinks it's brilliant. Lily agrees that it's for the best. James is the last hold out, but finally agrees when Peter tells him that they can make it up to Remus if they are wrong, as long as they all survive. James agrees.

Peter goes immediately to Voldemort. On Halloween, Voldemort holds a meeting of his closest followers, praising Peter for being so loyal and dedicated to the cause. He leaves immediately to kill the Potters.

Traitor

When Peter hears that Voldemort was bested by Harry, he knows he's in trouble. Sirius is definitely coming for him, but so are all the Death Eaters who were told that Peter caused this. He's making plans to hide, knowing that being a rat is his best chance to avoid everyone but Sirius. Unfortunately, Sirius finds him first.

Sirius is yelling at him, in the middle of the street, when it occurs to him. He'll still have to hide as a rat, but he can blame it on Sirius and no one will know better. Everyone knows that Sirius was the secret keeper. It's the best solution, really.

#peter pettigrew #how Peter became the spy #This got much longer than I intended #thoughts from Snitch

[starrystevie]

it was all supposed to be a dumb joke.

the boys had been sitting around after rehearsal one night passing a bowl and more than a few beers, laughing about how unsuccessful the newest music based social media app would be. mere seconds of songs looping over and over with other songs mixed in would never work, especially for corroded coffin where the story, the buildup of their songs was part of the reason to listen.

it all started with jeff, grinning slowly ear to ear. "what if were to get in there and take some celebrity's name for a user name? like paris hilton or something."

then it moved to gareth, who paused with a scrunched up face. "dude, paris hilton? what the fuck kind of reference is that..."

then it was over to greg, choking on a smoke-laced laugh. "yeah, it'd be funnier if it was eddie's pop prince loverboy instead."

that got everyone's attention. eddie had protested to ears that didn't want to hear it as they cackled in their studio that they rented by the hour, bent over in their rolling chairs, leaning against the side of the mixing board for support.

"loverboy?! you know i can't stand steve harrington and his bullshit lyrics, what the fuck kind of suggestion is that..."

but come the next day, when the weed had left his system and his veins were alcohol-free, eddie stared at the mixr app home screen and the blinking red circle over his inbox with disdain after successfully acquiring a user name he never would have picked for himself.

'steveharrington', eddie's account says, along with an icon of himself and his tongue out.

if it hadn't been for being less than sober when the app dropped. if it hadn't been for his best friends egging him on with taunts and jeers and kissy noises and less than sincere dreamy calls of 'oh steve' in the background. if it hadn't been for the way that eddie secretly did think about a certain head of floppy hair and soft brown eyes and shoulders littered with constellations.

if it hadn't been for all of that he wouldn't have had the chance to have his celebrity crush, the steve harrington, in his inbox at 8am on a random tuesday morning.

"good morning!" the message says simply enough. eddie stares at the words, trying to process what they mean, looking at the verified username of 'steveharrington1' next to an icon of his most recent album along with it. his inbox is flooded with people all asking him random things, thinking he's the real steve harrington, but this one verified account has him shaking.

for all that eddie is, all big hair and black jeans and skull rings and leather, he's still a man. a man who can look at a pop star, annoying as their music may be, and see charm. he can see attractiveness. he can see that smile that steve harrington has perfected behind his eyelids and he can see them strolling off into the sunset together hand in hand and he can see steve all flushed and breathing heavily underneath him on a mountain of plush pillows and he can see-

the message pings again with a new addition. "i know this seems weird and my team advised against it but i'd really like your user name of... well, my name."

eddie blinks slowly. he pictures steve maybe laying in bed, maybe sitting at the breakfast table with a cup of coffee, with his phone in his hand as he types out a message to him. to think that steve has any idea about him existing on any sort of level is doing his head in. his heartbeat races a little faster as he types back with shaky hands and a pit in his stomach.

"is this real?" is all he can type out, leaning against the kitchen counter as he waits for his coffee to brew.

three dots pull up on the app screen before disappearing and eddie pulls his lip in between his teeth to focus his energy elsewhere. he tears his eyes away from his phone and looks out the window to watch the people out for their morning walks. he's just about to the point where he thinks about maybe taking up walking if nothing else to get all the pent up energy out of him when the app dings again. as he looks back, his heart sinks to the bottom of his stomach.

it's a photo of steve that can't have been released before. he's sitting outside in bright sunshine with sunglasses on, tousled hair and grin on his face. he's holding his hand up in a thumbs up and eddie can see the remnants of cream cheese on the side of his index finger.

he sucks in a stuttering breath through his teeth, trying to force his lungs to breath again. the dots pop up on screen once more and the message that comes through is instantaneous.

"real enough for you?" it reads. and then an additional message is tacked on. "need me to hold up a newspaper with the date on it?"

there's a winky face that follows and it feels fake even though it's very real. this whole morning feels wrong, unreal. he's just eddie munson, some singer in some halfway popular band in some kind of shitty neighborhood in los angeles that just happens to have not just some pop star in his dms. this doesn't happen to him.

"why did your team tell you not to message me? does my reputation precede me?"

eddie pulls his hand up to his mouth to bite at the side of his fingernail, watching the screen with rapt attention and waiting for the typing dots to disappear.

"according to this account your name is steve harrington and yes, i'd say his reputation does precede him."

eddie barks out a laugh, not exactly expecting that.

he didn't know what he was expecting out of any of this. he thought that it might help get the corroded coffin name out more if he got tangled up somehow with the steve harrington name. spark a little bit of drama to boost their visibility. but now here he is, talking to the man himself, cracking jokes and trying not to hyperventilate.

"how were you able to get this name so fast anyway? my team was on it right when the app dropped last night."

"i had the power of bandmates and weed on my side," he types back, side of his mouth quirking up into a smile.

"oh so you're a musician? maybe i should be looking into your reputation then, mystery person."

eddie pauses and thinks about every option. he is semi-known in the metal scene, his outlandish stunts on stage and political speeches at shows that garner them becoming an almost brand for him. if he tells steve who he is, would he know? care? run away from the scary guy who may or may not use stage blood in every music video?

but the thing is, he's not a scary guy and he never has been. he might be a little intimidating and he guesses that's the armor he puts on everyday after being bullied in school but it's not an accurate showing of who he is. eddie is sweet, funny, kind of smart in that has random fun facts about dungeons and dragons kind of way.

and he wants the steve harrington to know that guy.

eddie flips over at his middle so his head is nearly touching the floor and ruffles his hair, giving it volume and calming down the frizz that comes from sleep. he shakes it out of his face once he's upright and grabs his garfield coffee mug if only to have something to do with his hands. grabbing his phone off the counter, he opens the camera option in their message thread and snaps a quick picture of himself grinning, mug next to his face with a matching cat-like smirk. he nervously presses send before he can even think about all the flaws with it.

"eddie munson at your service," is what he types out with a saluting emoji and a muttered prayer to whoever would listen to him that things don't end horribly.

it's not like he's expecting to sweep steve off his feet. he knows that steve has picture perfect partners, he sees enough internet news to know that gruff and dark isn't the kind of guy he normally goes for. but he looks back at the photo he sent and hopes that steve sees the kindness in his eyes, the scruff on his jawline that makes it look just the smallest bit chiseled, the whimsy and life that he embodies that comes from a tacky coffee cup.

there isn't an automatic answer and it makes whatever hope eddie has floating around his system falter. ''at this point you've probably searched me and i can reassure you, i'm not actually a vampire like google seems to think i am."

"holy shit."

it's short, two words followed by typing dots that disappear, reappear, disappear once more before reappearing for the last time.

"would you believe me if i told you that i am huge fan??"

choking on coffee hurts, eddie finds out. he coughs as the hot liquid goes down the wrong pipe and concentrates on the messages once he gets his bearings back. steve, the steve harrington, a fan of his? it's a prank, it has to be, there is no way that steve harrington-

"one of my exes took me to your show at the bowl and it quite possibly changed my life. you gave that speech about the pipeline before the encore and i went home and bought every single one of your albums that same night."

he's dead. the papers will read 'eddie munson found dead in his home in a ratty metallica shirt holding onto a garfield coffee mug and cellphone open to a chat where steve harrington tells him he's a fan of his work'. it's the only way that this is possibly happening. he's died and gone to whatever fucked up version of heaven has him still living in his shitty la apartment.

"are you fucking kidding me?" is what he types back, slamming his coffee mug onto the counter to have access to both hands. "you've heard my stuff?"

and then it happens, like out of a shitty teenage rom-com, his phone is lighting up with an in-app call from steve harrington. the steve harrington. careful not to drop his phone in his hurried movements, he presses accept faster than he thinks his fingers have every worked.

"hello?" he questions into the phone and there's no hello back, just steve apparently freaking out as much as he is.

"i hope this is okay," he says and god, does his voice sound wonderful over the phone like this. "but it's faster and i have too many things to say that typing it all out would be stupid."

eddie grins and his feet tap against the ground like an excited kid. "it's fine, i uhm... i get it. god, this is weird."

steve hums in agreement before laughing. and oh, that laugh. it has eddie floating up to cloud nine, heart thumping painfully in his chest, butterflies beating their wings wildly in his stomach.

"yeah, it's definitely not how i expected this morning to go. talking to eddie munson, wow."

"sure," eddie snorts, "you talk to celebrities all the time, i'm sure this is small fish for you."

he hears steve laugh again, soft and gentle, like it's meant just for eddie. "i might talk to celebrities all the times but not ones that i have posters on my wall of like a pre-teen. i'm properly geeking out right now."

eddie short circuits. that's the only way to explain the way his body shuts down as he slumps into an armchair in the living room.

"you, steve harrington, have posters of me on your bedroom wall?" eddie's mouth feels dry as he talks and regrets making coffee at all because he's wide awake now and feels jittery.

"well okay, to be fair, it's of the whole band and it's in my studio but you are shirtless so i contemplated putting it in my bedroom." something shifts on the other end of the line and it sounds like steve sitting down. there's birds chirping in the background and eddie closes his eyes to picture himself sitting with steve on a patio instead of in his dingy apartment.

"you're gonna give me big head, pretty boy." the pet name slips out before he can stop it and the pitch of his voice lowering is out of his control. eddie can't be held responsible for his actions at 8am especially when he's flirting over the phone with his celebrity crush.

"pretty boy, hmm?" steve murmurs back. "so does that mean you have posters of me too?"

the timbre of his voice shoots from eddie's ears all the way down to his toes, lighting his veins on fire as it travels down his body. the hopeful part of his brain supplies an image of steve smirking, relaxing in a pool chair outside of what must be a mansion, phone in one hand and cup of coffee in the other. it could be domestic, if eddie thinks about it hard enough. if he wants it enough.

and god, does he want that. domestic bliss with steve harrington.

"well i wouldn't exactly call picturing you in my dreams every night posters, but it's close enough i guess."

it's gutsy, it's brash, it's too forward for a tuesday morning but steve started it. he hears a shaky exhale on the other end of the line and lets out a chuckle. it feels like they're playing chess and there's no clear cut winner quite yet but if the match ends in a tie, eddie can't exactly say he'd be upset about it.

"i tell you what," steve says in an almost airy voice. "in exchange for giving me my user name, i'll give you my number and you can use it to see me in something other than your dreams tonight."

"...are you bribing me, harrington?"

"is it working?"

eddie takes in a deep breath and thinks about what possible plans he could have with the username 'steveharrington' that would amount to something better than taking the man himself out on a date with his phone number saved as a contact in his phone. he'd put a heart next to it and everything.

"of course it is."

the call drops away and it's quick enough for eddie to think everything that happened in the last 30 minutes could have been a fever dream but then there's three dots on the message thread and his hopeful heart starts to kick back into gear.

"213-555-5469. let me know when you've given up that username and i'll let you know when to pick me up. it's a win-win all around. turns out we each get to go a date with our celebrity crushes, how lucky is that?"

it's signed with a kissing face emoji and eddie's glad that he's sitting down when the last picture steve sends comes through. he's grinning in a way eddie's never seen before, blush high on his cheeks, sweaty shoulders and collarbones and pecs glinting in the early morning sun, and eddie thinks it's probably too early to be in love with someone but he's well on his way.

he texts the number he's sent without hesitation and without shaking hands this time. he signs the message with a black heart like it's a signature of it's own.

"lucky indeed."

#wow this got SO much longer than intended why does this always happen why can i not just shut up #anyway i've been trying to figure out how to write this for a week so enjoy #steddie #steddie drabble #steddie fic #steve harrington #eddie munson #my writing #steddie headcanon #popstar steve harrington #rockstar eddie munson #modern au

[rainbow-femme]

Thinking too much about AFTG again and I know we rag on Neil for being oblivious but I don’t think Andrew understands for most of the story that Neil likes him back

(FYI I haven’t read all the extra content, Nora may have said something about Andrew’s mindset that contradicts this, I don’t care it’s my literary analysis and I control my interpretation and the only canon that exists is what’s in the books. Also I’m Jewish, and the number one rule is anything can be true so long as you can back it up textually)

You’ve got the whole “I’m not your answer and you sure as fuck aren’t mine” line. By this point two things have happened recently: Neil has become outwardly more emotionally and physically vulnerable, and Neil has shown more interest in spending time with Andrew as well as interest in Andrew in general. And Andrew’s response to this seems to be the assumption that Neil is having a crisis he isn’t sharing and seems to have decided that Andrew is the answer to fixing that crisis. To be fair he is having a crisis, Andrew is just an unrelated benefit.

Which makes sense, most of his relationships are based, at least in Andrew’s mind, on him providing a service in exchange for someone’s presence in his life due to his belief that people will not be around him otherwise. So if Neil is looking at him in an open, appreciative, and interested way he seems to assume it’s because Neil, the terrified guy on the run from something, has found himself enjoying the stability Andrew provides and is seeing being near Andrew as a solution to his problems. That maybe Neil has tricked himself into thinking he has feelings for Andrew because he likes having someone take care of him and that’s the reason, and we see from Andrew stopping the kiss when Neil is upset that he does not consider being interested in someone while emotionally vulnerable to be real consent, therefore if Neil is interested in him due to being upset and afraid that is not Neil actually being interested. He also is clearly very agitated by this first kiss, seeming to see himself as a predator who lost control and harmed Neil by taking advantage of him.

He also continues to do nice things for Neil after getting back, despite initially seeming to express frustration, disinterest, and distaste for Neil. Giving him keys to the car, buying him a new charger, giving Neil the shotgun seat. Andrew’s habit of feeling the need to incentivize the people he cares for to stay with him, as well as what appears to naturally be his love language of giving gifts and acts of service as a replacement for verbally sharing emotions. I’m not saying that when he’s doing nice things it’s for personal gain, but I think part of him feels good doing it and part of him believes this is all he has to offer this person. He got back and didn’t say nice things to Neil because he can’t, but he can quietly take care of Neil in a way that says “please stay with me, I want you to be ok” that he verbally can’t. He knows Neil values the ability to leave upsetting situations, that Neil reacted positively the last time Andrew gave him keys, gives Neil a way to charge his phone ie have a lifeline to safety and Andrew when needed, and he’s saying that he still implicitly trusts Neil with things that are important to him. And of course shotgun means “I want you to be the person who is nearest to me”. He similarly starts making a habit of sitting next to Neil when the team is together. Andrew very much is a cat, he’s going to swat at you but also glue himself to your side

There���s also the various moments where Andrew states out loud that he has an attraction and growing emotional attachment to Neil that he has already written off as impossible. He calls Neil a pipe dream, says he knows nothing will come of having an interest in Neil without having made any attempts to see if Neil is interested. If you follow up a confession of interest with a statement that nothing will happen, you can’t be hurt by rejection because you didn’t give the person a chance to reject you.

And it doesn’t seem like it’s because Andrew is purposely avoiding attachments to people. Most of the effort he puts into his life is in his relationships, specifically into giving people reasons to stay near him. He makes the deals with Kevin and Aaron, he could have gone to a school with a more competitive Exy program but went to one where Nicky and Aaron could come and be on the team and in fact made that a requirement, he proves to Kevin that he made the right choice in making Andrew his shield by attacking anyone who hurts Kevin and putting a target on his own back. Before the start of the books we know he went out of his way to connect with Renee and do things for her that meant a lot to her, things that again seem to represent “I am doing her a favor, therefore she will be more likely to stay.” And anything else could be written off as born again Christian charity rather than acknowledge she has love and care for him.

He doesn’t see an attempt at connecting with Neil to be useless because he has no interest in building relationships with people, if there’s anything Andrew is passionate about it’s building and maintaining relationships with people. He sees it as obviously useless because there’s no way Neil would legitimately want to be with Andrew in the same way that Andrew wants him, that it is impossible to consider Neil reciprocating the way he’s feeling because all he wants is Neil himself and he doesn’t think anyone could just want him and think it’s enough.

Neil says he allowed himself to be abused by the Raven’s for two weeks on the chance he could help Andrew, that he wants to care for Andrew even without any personal benefit, and that is when Andrew calls him a pipe dream. Neil has just said that he, the guy who previously was so terrified for his own safety that he put it above all else, would willingly sacrifice his safety for Andrew. When Neil says this Andrew covers his mouth to make him stop talking, which to me suggests that this revelation was an absolute gut punch to him, that what happened to Neil was not only for his sake but accomplished nothing. Andrew’s reaction to Neil saying this is to say that Neil was supposed to be a side effect of the drugs. Meaning what Neil just said made him feel so strongly for Neil that he previously assumed it could not possibly be something he naturally has the capacity to feel.

(And he stills says that he doesn’t think he could ever have from Neil what he wants. So yeah Neil isn’t the only one who can hear a heartfelt confession and come to the conclusion that the other person is completely uninterested)

Also the whole “there is no this” conversation they loop through a few times. Again, Andrew loves building relationships, but they all are ticking clocks in his head, most of them graduation unless he can come up with something to convince them to stay. And then Neil keeps trying to say that there exists a relationship between them that has not been carefully negotiated with a clear end date, which is probably terrifying to a guy who doesn’t think he can trust anyone unless he is providing them something that makes him more useful around than not.

What Neil is proposing is that Andrew has intrinsic value and his presence is all Neil wants, and that probably seems terrifying and untrue. If Neil isn’t getting a tangible benefit that outweighs any perceived inconveniences, and if there is no point where they “re-up” their contract, then at any moment Neil could change his mind and take this thing away from Andrew. He’s had people he loved decide he’s not worth it, he knows it can happen and how terrible it is to experience. He willingly dealt with Drake and harmed himself to keep Cass, and he still lost her because he in and of himself wasn’t enough to be kept and loved because he wasn’t easy enough to love, he was broken, he was damaged. There can’t be a non transactional relationship between them because Andrew can’t see himself being enough and thinks losing it would be too painful to willingly risk

(Nicky, Kevin, and Aaron also seem to have this same view as Neil in their own way of Andrew’s inherent worth to them. Nicky really deserves more recognition for clawing his way to happiness then willingly giving it all up and upending his life and doing things repeatedly that make him unhappy because he cares so much for Aaron and Andrew, aligning himself against possible friends who could make him happy because he will always choose supporting Andrew over himself. And you have Aaron showing that he will fight Andrew tooth and nail if it means they can have a good and lasting relationship, and we see Kevin form genuine love and affection for Andrew outside of their deal, but again Andrew seems to view the relationships at the time as transactional or obligatory on their ends)

Or my favorite, the scene where Andrew makes a comment about Neil’s “neck fetish.” Neil has kissed his neck only about two times by that point, and both times it has elicited what is clearly a pleasurable response from Andrew. But Andrew can’t accept the idea that Neil is doing something with no benefit to himself and only a benefit to Andrew, that he is choosing to take time away from his own immediate pleasure to do something solely for Andrew’s enjoyment of the moment

Neil responds to the comment by saying “You like it, I like that you like it.” Neil is saying that he cares enough about Andrew to have paid attention to what pleases him and wants to take the time when they’re together to make Andrew feel good in a way that Andrew makes him feel good, that he knows Andrew has trauma with physical touch on most of his body but this is a way he can reciprocate that has no negative connotations for Andrew and serves solely to make him feel good. And Andrew does not or cannot let himself see it that way because it’s too vulnerable.

The sex is supposed to be transactional, this is what Andrew has to offer to make Neil stay with him, uninterrupted time of Andrew making him feel good and asking for nothing in return. Neil is breaking the rules, he’s making it reciprocated, if he is making Andrew feel good then Andrew doesn’t have that safety net of being the one with something to offer. So it has to be something that secretly benefits Neil, it has to be that Neil is getting something out of it or Andrew is back to not having anything special that he offers to make Neil stay with him. If it’s just Neil sitting back while Andrew gets him off then Andrew is automatically the most convenient sexual partner for Neil and he won’t look for someone else. If it’s reciprocal, then it stops being a favor Andrew is doing and takes effort on Neil’s end, as well as means the sex includes Andrew knowing what it’s like to be loved and cared for, which means he will feel it’s absence when Neil inevitably leaves because Andrew isn’t convenient enough.

It honestly seems like the turning point is his conversation with Aaron about breaking their deal, Aaron making him choose their deal or Neil. Because it A. Forces Andrew to see that Aaron intends to stay in his life without the deal, meaning that yes one of the most important people in Andrew’s world loves him without a contract. And B. It forces Andrew into a position where he has to take a leap of faith that Neil isn’t going to just walk away, that Neil sees Andrew the way Andrew sees him. And I wonder if Aaron brought up the conversation he had with Neil, that Neil said he didn’t think Andrew would fight for him, and he realized that Neil not only has been thinking about him the way he was thinking about Neil, but that he had this person in his life that he cared about and he was acting in a way that made that person not feel valued and it could probably cause the very thing he wants to avoid by pushing him away.

So you finally get the very end of the last book where Andrew doesn’t deny it when Neil says Andrew likes him, which is for him incredibly vulnerable. He’s shown that he will always protect Neil without their deal of protection, and Neil has shown that he sees everything about Andrew that other people don’t like and he loves Andrew anyway.

Because the story is from Neil’s point of view we see his internal growth as he learns to recognize and accept love and care from others but Andrew has been doing the same, realizing and trusting that Kevin and his family will still be there even if he has nothing tangible to offer, and accepting that someone could genuinely know and understand him, all the things that make him inconvenient, and still want him with no extra incentive because even as broken as he sees himself to be he still has value to others and he can trust Neil in the way he wants Neil to trust him

#long post #this got so much longer than I intended oh my god #this was supposed to be like 3 paragraphs max #I have a lot of thoughts about Andrew desperately wanting love without thinking he can have it #even though he has people who love him #aftg #all for the game #tfc #andrew minyard #neil josten #andreil

[chaotic-neutral-knitter]

I've seen metas about Stede being a coward and I think that, when you're analyzing a show about how there's not just one way to be a man, that misses the point a bit?

like. Stede definitely thinks he's a coward and other people call him a coward. in the same way that Ed thinks he's a monster and other people call him a monster. these are labels that they both grapple with because they don't want them to be true but when people keep telling you over and over that you are [X], then you'll believe it eventually.

and the thing that gets me about Stede is that his cowardice isn't in the areas that his bullies tell him it is. his plan to steal a hostage back from Izzy is dumb, but it's also brave. the man keeps putting himself in physical danger, ALL OF THE TIME. he's naive, but he's also brave.

his decision to go be a pirate is brave, and Ed sees that. I'd even say it's one of the first things he recognizes and likes about Stede. because Ed also wants to change his whole life (but is struggling with actually doing it) and here comes this guy who just went and DID it. what the hell. better talk to that guy, see what he knows. (maybe fall in love with him)

Stede's only a coward when it comes to emotional stuff. there was probably a middle ground between "suffer in this marriage forever" and "run off to be a pirate" but leaving in the middle of the night was a way to escape hard conversations. there was also DEFINITELY a middle ground between "go to China with Ed and be eaten alive by guilt over abandoning his family" and "leave Ed without saying goodbye" but that would have meant talking to Ed about it and my man Stede does not talk about his feelings, wants, or needs. because emotional honesty is scary. (and when you're Stede, emotional honesty has always ended up with getting yelled at, shut down, or worse).

but it's frustrating, because people will say "oh Stede's a coward" and point to all the people saying he is one and Stede himself believing it, and ignore all the times he is shown to be very brave. or they'll say (and this one haunts me) "Stede wasn't bullied as a kid for being obviously queer, he was bullied for being a coward."

and idk dude but I think the point is that sometimes the things we believe about ourselves because we've been told them over and over are just... not true?

your childhood bully wasn't right about you, they were a fucking bully. your shit dad wasn't right about you, he was just shit. these people don't know you and they don't want to know you. their opinions are worse than useless. and Stede's season one arc is about him grappling with that and deciding he isn't a coward, he isn't inadequate, he isn't a waste of space. he is in fact worthy of love. that's the whole point!

#at what point will people stop believing nigel fucking badminton's take on stede #that's all I want to know #does Stede need to symbolically leave behind the ghost of ANOTHER childhood bully? #sorry this got much longer than I intended it to be #our flag means death #stede bonnet #ofmd meta

[ginaporterr]

RICKY & GINA High School Musical: The Musical: The Series (2019-2023)

#hsmtmtsedit #hsmtmts #ricky x gina #usersnat #userelsbeth #userzaley #queenmay #elevated iq temptress girl.... what a phrase #anyways. soulmatism if you ask me #watched the lyf scene for the first time in a bit for this and got full body chills.... #it's been MONTHS when will i be normal about them KJSDKFS #gina porter #ricky bowen #rina #* #rinaedit #flashing gif #this took longer than i intended #can't make as much progress on the set i wanted to make tonight as i would've liked but. we move

[actual-changeling]

no i am not done with the breakup scene yet. it haunts me during the day and it haunts my dreams, soon i will be able to replay it in my head on command. today's obsession: tell me you said no

firstly, i think it's important to point out just how deep the miscommunication runs here. aziraphale is excited, outright giddy about the news he is delivering, and he expects crowley to be just as happy about them.

after all, he thinks he is giving crowley what he has always wanted - they can go off together, he can be an angel again, which to zira equals being on the good side. the side of *light*. he remembers crowley's creation, remembers how in awe and happy he was with it, and thinks that is what he is offering.

aziraphale's expressions during this scene are probably gonna be their own post, but long story short he switches between excited and confused like a broken light switch, unable to decide which one to settle on.

crowley, well, crowley is angry. angry and confused and completely caught off guard because aziraphale is shaking the very foundation of what crowley currently thinks to be their relationship. the horror dawns on him pretty early, but he tries to fight it off, tries to convince himself that no, aziraphale wouldn't. he wouldn't agree to that, he KNOWS me. he knows i don't want to go back, he knows both sides are equally bad.

tell me you said no. tell me i wasn't wrong about you, about us. tell me i didn't misjudge our entire relationship. tell me the last millennia were worth something, anything.

tell me you said no.

if you rewatch the scene, you will notice that crowley never breaks eye contact, he stares aziraphale down the entire time. unless it was literally blink and you will miss it, i am pretty sure he does not even blink. not once. aziraphale on the other hand is looking everywhere but at him, his gaze flicks around just as much as his expression. crowley tries again, one last time. tells him you know they will both destroy this planet, humanity, us. it doesn't matter which side wins, the result will be the same. we KNOW that. we SAW that. we stopped it from happening.

aziraphale does not answer.

he does not have to. crowley can read him well enough to know exactly what he responded, and even if he couldn't - he knew from the beginning. he just cannot believe the answer. he still can't.

it's one of his fatal flaws, isn't it, believing in aziraphale and in them against every rule and threat the universe throws at them.

now to get to the part that breaks my heart.

crowley repeats himself again, not breaking eye contact while aziraphale tries to avoid his gaze.

tell me you said no.

he still hopes. after that entire conversation, he still hopes.

when the silence stays unbroken he steps towards him, asking one. last. time.

angel tell me you said no.

this. this frame. this is when the realization hits him full force, the truth he has been trying to talk and rationalize his way out of. he has been begging aziraphale to tell him that he did not betray him, them.

everything he has been fighting for the last six thousand years, all the thoughts telling him he is worth less than aziraphale because he fell, because he is a demon, evil, on the wrong side. everything he has been unlearning, accepting that he can be kind, he can be good. accepting that aziraphale cares about him, fuck, maybe even loves him.

crowley thought aziraphale is the one being that sees him, truly sees him, which is why he offers himself without his glasses - his last layer of protection.

he betrayed us. he has never been with me, we have never been on our side, not when he chooses heaven over the fragile, peaceful existence they have carved out for themselves. he took care of the bookshop, allowed zira to take his bentley, cleaned up and tidied and prepared it for his return, for the both of them. just to get all of it thrown into his face, to have it degraded as not good enough. to have HIMSELF degraded as not good enough.

and after all that. after that realization, the pain, the break in what he thought was their reality.

after aziraphale telling him that he plans on leaving earth and wants crowley to be someone he is.

crowley swallows his tears and he steps back, keeps his glasses off and continues with his confession anyway. his voice breaks several times throughout it, he is on the verge of crying. i will probably make a separate post about all that but once again, tldr he suppresses tears throughout his entire speech.

i want to spend eternity with you and he cannot say it because he knows he would break on eternity and start crying. somehow, crowley still hopes that maybe this will change his mind, this will make him realize that he needs to stay here, stay with me.

crowley hopes and hopes and hopes and aziraphale finally meets his gaze and all he responds is nothing lasts forever.

no, i don't suppose it does.

still, what is left but to keep hoping that maybe one day, they will be an us, even if it isn't forever. even if it's just one day, one kiss, one second of being held and kissed back.

crowley keeps hoping and that, to me, is the most painful part of it all.

#alex talks good omens #good omens #good omens season 2 #good omens 2 spoilers #ineffable husbands #aziraphale #crowley #aziracrow #aziraphale x crowley #good omens meta #this got so much longer than i intended for it to be rip #i feel like it is important to mention that these posts are not planned in the slightest #i look at some screencaps experience emotions and then write a stream of consciousness #i hope it has enough of a red thread that people can follow though #any spelling mistakes and the like are because i do not proof read my tumblr posts #you get my unfiltered brain vomit

[souldagger]

I've been writing my own sci-fi universe on and off after new Trek disappointed me, and has continued to disappoint me. If I had to sum it up it would be Star Trek but more overtly communist and also military sci-fi. I've mainly been inspired by things I've read/played/watched, which has mainly been made by white or western creators, so I wanted to ask if you had any recommendations for sci-fi made by POC creators to broaden my horizons.

omg of course!!! (with the caveat that unfortunately non-Western scifi specifically is a bit of a blindspot for me, so most of these will be Western authors of colour)

Babel-17 by Samuel R. Delany

Dawn by Octavia E. Butler

Binti by Nnedi Okorafor (& i recommend reading the complete trilogy - imo it works best read together as one whole)

The Space Between Worlds by Micaiah Johnson

Stories of Your Life and Others by Ted Chiang

New Suns: Original Speculative Fiction by People of Color ed. by Nisi Shawl

How Long 'til Black Future Month? by N.K. Jemisin

I'm Waiting for You and Other Stories by Kim Bo-Young

And 2 that i personally haven't read yet but i think NEED to be mentioned, especially if we're talking space stories:

Ninefox Gambit by Yoon Ha Lee (also military scifi!)

An Unkindness of Ghosts by Rivers Solomon

also, short story anthologies!!! if you're looking for new authors or want to explore works from a specific culture/place, they're a great way to do that. here's a couple from my own reading list for this year:

Palestine + 100: Stories from a Century after the Nakba

Africa Risen: A New Era of Speculative Fiction

Readymade Bodhisattva: The Kaya Anthology of South Korean Science Fiction

Sinopticon: A Celebration of Chinese Science Fiction

& finally, i don't really watch a lot of tv/movies, but i do wanna wholeheartedly recommend:

Everything Everywhere All At Once

Janelle Monáe's Dirty Computer (free on youtube and an absolutely top tier example of afrofuturism)

Nope

They Cloned Tyrone

#this got WAY longer than i intended and it's still far from comprehensive #but. bolding the ones that i consider the BIGGEST must-reads/watches <3 #if u wanna do some more exploring on ur own in terms of non-western sf: #i've noticed there's quite a lot of translated Chinese and South Korean SF in particular #or you could look up africanfuturism (which is a separate thing from afrofuturism!) and works that use that label #also: the tv adaptation of 3 Body Problem (aka probably the most iconic piece of Chinese scifi) is coming out in a couple weeks #so that might be worth keeping an eye out for! it's netflix though so idk how good/faithful it'll be 😐 #i hope this is helpful and not too much info!

[mrspockify]

I feel like of the two of them Mario is actually the more artistically-inclined brother so here's some rambling headcanons about artsy Mario:

It started when he was in grade school. Art class was always his favorite, and he would come home covered in paint or have dried clay stuck in his hair—anything that made his mama's life difficult. She basically had to hose him down every day.

He struggled with emotional regulation a lot as a kid, getting into fights and getting in trouble with teachers, mostly because communicating was difficult for him. Art served as a good outlet, and he could use it to help people understand what he was feeling, so his teachers and parents tried to encourage it.

As they got older, Mario showed more and more interest in art (and showed a lot of skill), but it wasn't as easy to pursue as it was when he was younger, so he started to fall out of practice.

It was mostly a combination of money and expectations. Nice art supplies that will last are expensive, and he would go through sketchbooks like they were nothing, so his parents couldn't keep up. He'd still doodle in lined notebooks when he had the time, but that's about all he could do at home.

Expectation-wise, the discouragement mostly came from his father. Papa Mario is a practical man, and he knows that art is not a practical career. He didn't mind it as a little hobby, but he started to advise Mario to take more useful electives in school instead of art classes. Luigi was very STEM-oriented, which set a sort of precedent in the household, and Mario internalized the idea that pursuing art would somehow be letting his brother down (how could they grow a life together in the future if Mario was a starving artist?)

Into adulthood, he all but gave it up entirely. He was absolutely the one that designed the logo for their business, but that was just about the only art project he was able to do.

That is, until they got sucked into the Mushroom Kingdom. It took a while for the subject to come up, but eventually Peach found Mario admiring her paintings in the castle, and he mentioned offhand that he used to love art.

She is thrilled at this little piece of information! She immediately sets aside time for them each week to do art together. They take supplies out to different places in the Mushroom Kingdom and have picnics together, painting and drawing the landscapes they see.

Mario is just as messy as he was when he was a kid. Peach falls into a fit of giggles the first time she looks over to find globs of paint stuck in his moustache.

But he's also really good. He picks it all back up right away and improves quickly. Peach is impressed, and so tickled by how happy it seems to make him, so she sets him up with his own private studio in the castle, providing him with any and every art supply he could ever dream of. He's overwhelmed of course, but so, so grateful.

He'll draw and paint almost anything, but he especially loves to make portraits of the people he loves. In Superstar Saga, the bros' house has a big portrait of Peach, and I think he painted it himself.

It was never supposed to see the light of day honestly, just sitting in a corner in his studio gathering dust, but one day he walked in to find Peach holding it and admiring it.

He was wildly embarrassed, but she was just flattered and amazed at his talent. She had it professionally framed for him and never stops telling him how much she loves it every time she comes over.

It isn't until later on, when Mario visits her private wing of the castle for the first time, that he finds an awfully similar portrait of himself painted by Peach in a matching frame hanging on her wall.

#smb #super mario bros #mareach #mario headcanons #me halfway through write this: 'wait should I have incorporated this into Coming Down' #also this was much longer than I intended oops I got carried away

[masonjarsmoments]

Always rooting for the underdog

What happens when Hille is supporting his team during the Team event of the ski flying championships but the bib he is wearing is not his own ?

#i am still not 100% happy especially because the pace feels off #also still not finished completely but since it got so much longer than intended I will post it in two parts #ski jumping #fanifiction #moodboards #aesthetic

[good-beanswrites]

Fe Aspec Week Day 4: Acceptance

This week on I Accidentally Made Myself Sad With My Own Angst :( As much as I know Forsyth would be the most accepting person in all of Valentia, I think his own insecurities/mindset would cause a bit of tension during his childhood with Python. It has a happy ending but I wanted to explore just a bit of that first...

“Python!” 

Forsyth’s tiny hands trembled, clutching the gift that he’d bought with his very own money. His father didn't need to know.

Python scrambled down the big oak tree to meet him. He tugged at the dress his father probably made him wear for the holiday. His hair had already come loose from it's braid, likely caught on the twigs and leaves of the tree. Forsyth waited anxiously at it's base for him to come down.

When he arrived, Forsyth shoved the box forward. He startled both of them with the force of it.

“I – I – I have this. For you. Will you – I mean – I would –” Forsyth’s cheeks burned red. It was clear what he was asking. There would be no other reason you’d give someone a perfectly wrapped package of sweets on the Day of Devotion unless you were asking them the question.

Python looked down at it. The two had been friends for so long, it took only a second for Forsyth to understand exactly what it meant. 

“Oh…” He felt his stomach twist up in a knot. His throat started to constrict. “I know Father doesn’t like you, but he doesn’t much like anyone. S-so we can make it work!”

“Fors…”

“We could keep it a secret!” Then, in desperation, “we could – we could run away together!”

“Fors!” Python whined. “C’mon, you know we’re too young for that!” With one hand he took the chocolates, and the other took Forsyth's arm. “We’re supposed to be climbing trees and playing pranks on Teacher – not doing gushy grown-up love stuff.”

Forsyth bit his lip. He didn’t think it was gushy at all. He didn’t trust his voice to speak; with one word he may just start bawling right here. The last thing he needed was to be scolded for being so emotional. 

Python beamed as if he hadn’t just shattered Forsyth’s heart into a million pieces. “Let’s just take it slow, okay? We’ll have plenty of time for all that when we’re older, okay?”

He coaxed a small nod from Forsyth.

“Speaking of! I heard Teach left the schoolhouse window open – have I got the perfect plan! We’ll share the chocolates after, okay? You’re my best friend, we should split them.”

I don’t want to split them. Forsyth let himself be tugged along. I wanted to give them all to you. To give everything to you.

He grit his teeth as they ran. He wasn’t the type to accept defeat after a small setback like this. So, Python wasn’t ready. That was fine. One day he would be. And Forsyth would be there. It was like every book he’d read: the steadfast knight would get the beautiful lover, if he was just patient enough.

He said a quick prayer to Mila, that one day they’d stop being friends, and true love would win out.

—

“Python!”

Forsyth’s hands trembled, his fists balled up in fury. 

“I am sick and tired of this.”

“Oh you’re tired of this? Then quit fucking confessing every single year. Every year it’s the same speech, and the same shitty plan to run away together. We’re not in some fairy tale, Fors. Just give it up.” Python moved to take a sip from his drink, turning his back. Though they’d both come of age, it wasn’t ale. Though it wasn’t ale, they both spoke as loudly as if they’d each had a barrel to drink. It was a good thing Python’s father was out all night; there was no one in the tiny house to hear them argue.

Forsyth grabbed the cup away before he could take a sip. It earned him a hard look, but a direct one. “I’m not tired of confessing, I’m tired of this type of disrespect!” He placed the drink down a foot away. “You can’t just be honest with me and tell me why I’m not good enough for you – it’s infuriating!”

“I am honest. I’ve told you, this has nothing to do with you. It’s me who–”

“Oh-ho, don’t give me that tired cliche! Every year, it’s another cryptic excuse, another roundabout lie!” He flung his hands in wild gestures, his voice pitching. “You say you’re not ready for commitment, yet you spend every day with me regardless. You say you would make a terrible housemate, yet you stay over at my home for weeks at a time. You say you’re not ready to be with someone, yet I catch word that you shared a bed with the innkeeper!”

“What, you jealous or something?”

“That is exactly what I am. And how dare you act like I’m the crazy one for it!” Tears threatened his eyes, but he pushed through. “I have been by your side your entire life, looking out for you, caring for you, giving all of myself over to you! And here you are, laughing in the face of my love! Like - like it’s another one of your jokes!

“Oh, you're jealous, huh? So is that why you do it? You do all that for me just to get laid at the end of the day? Well if you’d said that sooner, I would have happily –”

“You know that’s not what I meant!”

“Then what do you mean?”

“It doesn’t make any damned sense, Python!”

“It does, if you would just pipe down and listen when I –”

“Pipe down?” 

“Yeah! If you’d let me finish a damned sentence this will all make sense!”

“Fine then, go ahead and finish – give me one good reason why you don’t want to be with me!”

“When you’re acting like this I could give you a hundred!” Python swatted his cup away, spilling the drink all over the floor. He stormed out of the room.

A heavy silence fell over the house. Forsyth gathered his things. He left. He finally let his tears fall.

It was simple, he decided. All he needed to do was accept the fact that this relationship was going nowhere. Python didn't love him, and he'd just need to imagine whatever reasons he could. They should simply end things before they got any more hurt. 

End our friendship...

He cried through the night, unable to even muster a word to Mila. 

—

“Python!”

Forsyth’s hand was steady as it took the man’s shoulder. The pair locked eyes. 

“Run away with me.”

The wind rustled the leaves overhead. Usually the area was bustling with chaos as the new building was erected, but Python was the only one to stay back today. Forsyth would have teased him for the irony, if it hadn’t presented him with the perfect opportunity to ask his question.

Python rolled his eyes. “Har-har. I thought today was Day of Devotion, not Flostym Fools'…”

“Huh?” Forsyth’s expression flashed with confusion, then horror. “O-oh! Not like that, of course! Oh gods, I meant… the Deliverance.”

He spread his hands. “It’s clear we’ll never get the approval we seek to join. So I propose we do it in secret. Everyone will be distracted by the village festivities tonight. If we don’t come home right away, everyone will assume it’s for… the festivities. It will give us a reasonable head start. We won’t need to worry about them catching up to us by the time they finally realize we’ve gone.”

He looked eagerly to Python. 

“Heh, using all the hype around love to make our escape... you’re a true ally after all, Fors!”

Forsyth’s look soured. “L-listen. I swear, I would never ask you that again. I mean, we got over that years ago. I nearly lost you to that argument, and I shall never make the same mistake again. I know how much pain I put you through, and I would never dream of –”

“Hey. I know. You had a lot on your mind, then.” He let out a loud sigh. “Which is why I’m gonna come along with you. Somebody’s gotta help you find that special someone, right?”

“Do you mean it? Wait, what is that supposed to mean?”

With a hearty laugh, Python pulled him into a hug. Forsyth held him close. Reality may not follow a path like the perfect little fairy tales he read as a child, but that made it no less perfect.

“So… that’s a yes?”

Python leaned back so he could study his face. “You’re really serious about this, huh?”

“W-were you not?”

“Eh, I’m not serious about anything…” He offered his hand. “But I’m in. I’m always in.”

Forsyth accepted it, clasping it within both of his. He found himself too choked up for words, though he didn’t care if anyone saw him cry. He wiped tears from his cheeks and smiled at Python’s kindhearted teasing.

He thanked the gods that they would never stop being friends.

#fe aspec week #fe echoes #fe python #fe forsyth #forsython #i got a little carried away asfsdf this ended up much longer than intended (whats new 💀) #as someone who reads forsyth as a hopeless romantic its just something i think was important to explore between them #but LMAO i literally made myself so upset writing their argument i was just sitting there going NOOOO stop fighting ;------; #i would have included trans python anyway because i really like that - but also it shows that forsyth truly is accepting #its specifically the fact that hes fallen in love that turns it into an insecurity issue instead of an acceptance one here #and once he realizes that (after their big fight) hes able to get over his own personal stuff and really be there for python #sorry i got a bit cheesy with the section parallels 😅 im a sucker for that but even i can admit it was a bit much this time #i know they wouldnt have the same terminology in fantasy-medieval stuff but 'ally' just fit so perfectly and i hope wasnt too jarring

[writeblrfantasy]

around six years ago, i started writing seriously for the first time. it was fanfiction. (glee fanfiction if you're curious.) i wouldn't write something original for the first time for another year.

i loved writing fanfiction--i put my whole unashamed heart into it, i didn't even think about whether it was good or not, because i was having a blast. i wrote for many different fandoms, i wrote one (short) fanfic a day during december based on one word prompts, and i would send them to my friend each night--a routine which got me through a very hard week of my life. i wrote buckets and buckets of fanfiction.

and then, i'm not sure when and why that changed--i read and still do read something on ao3 almost every night for dozens and dozens of fandoms, after all. but the more i wrote original books, i stopped writing fanfiction, and over the years, writing fanfiction seemed like an impossible task.

i tried a few times, i wrote a customized fic for my bestie's birthday, but i could never get far usually. it felt alien and intrusive to try and write someone else's characters. it would always end in shame and this feeling of wrong, wrong, wrong.

i don't have any of those early fanfictions from six years ago because i deleted them, convinced they were hot garbage (and they were, but i still would've liked to have them!)

i continued to write originally, still reading fanfiction almost every night and participating in fandom in other ways. and then in late 2021, i wrote and finished a good fic as a herculean labor of love. in spring of 22, it took me an incredible effort, but i took one of my old surviving fanfics and edited it to new standards, and then encouraged by my victory, i wrote 2 more fics and started a bunch of others.

i made an ao3 account and posted these all, and was encouraged like never before by the comments i received, the love i had never received because i'd never posted my fanfics before. slowly, the shame wore off. i could write fanfiction again. it became something i could do while sitting on my phone in a waiting room having an anxiety attack, something to do before i went to bed, something i could do when a fic i wanted didn't exist--i could finally just write it!

and now, we come to this year. in 23 so far, i've written and posted 11 fanfics adding up to 100,805 words in total, in two fandoms, with several fanfic wips in the works. two weeks ago i wrote, without meaning to, 7k of a fic in one day to finish it, a week after finishing the source material. i'm still hesitant to share snippets of fics with friends not in those fandoms, but i did in this case and was told by a friend that it was some of my best writing ever--original and fanfic combined. period.

in january when i watched my favorite movie too many times to get anything more out of it, i turned to fanfiction, where i had a fic i mentioned was inspired by my favorite fic in the tiny ass fandom, which the creator then saw and was flattered by, and continued to read all my fics in that fandom!

this would turn into a 7 part series which i would post once a week, whipping up 5k minimum fics in a matter of days. i was shameless. i was carefree. i was living for the familiar usernames in my comments, and the serotonin of pushing that "new post" button. i was having fun.

in moments where i would wonder if the fic i was writing was cringe, if anyone would like it if i posted it, i reminded myself that i read fic every night. fic is often the first place i turn after finishing a source material, and what i look forward to while consuming that material. if everyone who thought like me about their fics didn't post, i would be without fanfics to get me through my fandom experience, and i would hate that. so i kept writing and posting.

now: my relationship with writing fanfiction has never been healthier. i am better than where i was at six years ago, because my overall writing skills have improved about 1000%, and because i'm posting now. writing fanfiction now often provides me a break from the stress and complexity of writing original novels, and it's a lovely wind down bedtime activity.

so, i suppose if there's a takeaway from this post, it's that fan content creators, no matter what you create, and no matter how small the fandom you're creating for, even if you're the first work in your fandom, keep creating. what you're doing is real and worthy and just as important as original content, and keeps the heart of fandom alive. i am so happy i repaired my relationship with writing fanfic, and it's made me happier this year than i thought possible, due in large part to the incredible commenting communities in fandom. i wish the same for all of you <3

#fanfiction #fanfic #a love letter to fanfiction #writing #writeblr #writers #this got much ramblier and longer than i intended but i'm glad i made this post #been ruminating in my brain for a long time :) #other writers encouraged to rb with their experiences!

[drachenfalter]

"I don't think you know what you're saying?!"

Bria transferred to Hexside, and Gus doesn't know how to deal with that - especially when she doesn't go all mean girl like he'd expect her to.

#the owl house #toh #toh fanart #my art #gus porter #toh bria #bria toh #It's sometimes after Belos got defeated #gus x bria #bria x gus #they might both be crushing a bit #but Gus doesn't trust her #and Bria thinks he hates her #only pencil because this already took much longer than I intended

[ne-cocoa]

Special comic coming tomorrow I hope about how Witchau Mk met kitty Red Son! Basically mks clumsiness hurts his tail when they first meet XD

#it’s MUCH longer than I intended it to be so I had to make a drawing of it before I got done! #it’s well over my usual comic size so I’m intimidated abit but I need to throw the dang details in 😭 #fisjdjsjsfggffff #my heart #monkie kid #lego monkie kid #lmk #lmk art #lmk mk #lmk au #monkie kid mk #lmk spicynoodles #mk #monkie kid spicynoodles #spicynoodles #mk x red son #lmk red son #witch au #monkie kid qi xiaotian #qi xiaotian #lmk qi xiaotian #red son monkie kid #red son #spicynoodlesshipping #spicynoodleshipping #monkie kid fanart #lego monkie kid fanart

[niinnyu]

A little rant about leaks because I'm lowkey dreading them. And I'd appreciate it if you'd read it (and if not... 👁👁).

I find the jjk fandom's (though it's true for others too) reliance on leaks very off-putting. I know people want to look forward to something in the middle of the week and talk about it, but this just feels disrespectful, while also being at the cost of other people getting to enjoy it as they want to whether you care about getting spoiled or not.

So many people just don't tag leaks and spoilers properly (forget places where tagging doesn't even make a difference). Seeing things trending with the context of previous chapters explains everything. Not to mention people mis-tagging spoilers and leaks interchangeably (you can remove leak tags after the chapter is officially published but not spoiler tags!!) And no, you're not subtle with your 'out of context spoilers' to someone who has all previous context.

But what boggles my mind is why would you want someone to shout the punchline of a joke in your face before any of the setup has been done. You'll have a bunch of deepfried 2 pixel screenshot of screenshot quality manga panels of crucial moments with none of the build up and pacing. Paired with the most lacklustre explainations of what's happening (the phrasing of which can be biased to the leaker's opinions). Translating isn't easy. To convey what exactly something means from one language to another in an effective and in the intended way isn't easy (shoutout to fan translators tho y'all are amazing thank you for your time and effort)

And whether you care about the story or not, heck even if you think the mangaka themself doesn't care about it, it is just so disrespectful to the content that you're consuming. Making comics and manga isn't easy (churning them weakly is insane imo esp when a lot of mangaka aren't even full time artists) so why wouldn't you allow yourself to consume their story the way they've themself laid it out. Where one panel comes after the other. Where one expression has context in the next page. Where a dialogue has weight only when placed with another dialogue. Give the creator(s) this little grace too, because whether you like a story or not, there is still a huge amount of effort and skill, by multiple people, going into it.

And I personally love interacting with the fandoms I'm in, literally sometimes the only source of joy I have (yes ik leave me alone) is interacting with other fans and having my mind blown over their art and writing and theories. And I'd rather not be spoiled unless I'm myself seeking them out or just reading the actual chapter. So this involves me either spoiling it for myself before someone else does it, or spoiler dodging for 5 OUT OF 7 DAYS A WEEK EVERY WEEK.

I'm not even saying you should only look for official sources or whatever because I know not everyone has access to legal places to read (tho the shounen jump app is there for those interested, but yeah i get it for other publications), but there are better ways to read/hate-readyour fav/least fav manga out there without ruining it for someone else. The wait is juuust a couple of days more. There is absolutely no dearth of fan made content that can't help you last another few days, maybe your new fav fan creator is right around a little wait (ahem check my bs out if you'd like ahem ahem).

I just want to be able to interact with the fandom for more than just 2 days a week, and I don't like my accounts dying because i dissapear 5 days either, and is that a such a bad thing? I come online to have fun, not run an obstacle race y'know?

#i know nothing i've said hasn't been said by someone else but i felt like it too #i was lucky enough to be so down in the dumps the last week that i missed a lot of the leek stuff because i wasnt online much #still got spoiled tho mind you #and like i get it i feel like im making a bigger issue out of this than necessary #and ik for many peoplw its not that deep #but i do really believe this and I'd like you too see what i mean #anyway #jjk #fandom #fandoms #manga #damn this rant ended up being much longer than i intended #if you read through it thanks! #whether you agree or not i hope you at least get what i mean and what im sure many people feel #fandom rants #i do appreciate all the fan creators who do wait till the chapter drops to put out their content even when they've seen leaks tho!! #y'all rule #man ok. #no nickel for niinnyu's thoughts

[syrena-del-mar]

Let’s talk about Uncle Jim and the preview of episode 7. 

I think we need to look at Uncle Jim as a product of circumstances. 

It’s easy to call him a hypocrite if you are only looking at the fact that he’s, essentially, pointing fingers at his nephew, Li Ming, for being gay while he’s out there having sex with Wen and whatever their ‘situationship’ is a the moment. Now, I’m not saying it’s was okay, or anything of the sort, on how he will be dealing with finding out about Li Ming and Heart, but I think we do need to go beyond the surface level, “He’s a homophobe!” virtue-signaling that has been going around and look at the complexity that lead to that moment.

I'm going to break this down into three parts: (1) Uncle Jim's financial struggles, (2) Uncle Jim's struggles with his sexual identity, and (3) how they play into the confrontation.

1. Uncle Jim and the effect of poverty on his worldview

First, we need to look at what Uncle Jim’s relationship with Li Ming. The first clue into the relationship between Uncle Jim and Li Ming is in Episode 1 while Saleng and Li Ming meet up. Saleng let’s Li Ming know that it would be best if he came back to the diner straight after school so Uncle Jim wouldn’t nag him again, and Li Ming being the teenager that he is, blew off the advice stating to just let Uncle Jim nag. Tensions between the two are already somewhat heightened, which tends to naturally occur as kids grow into their teens and don’t see eye-to-eye with their parental figures. Add in the fact that Li Ming is growing up and starting to make decisions for his own future, and Uncle Jim doesn't agree with a lot of them, their relationship is going to be rocky.

Second, Uncle Jim knows his place in a classist society and has conformed to it. Time and time again, in the conversations with Wen, Uncle Jim has diminished his work as a chicken vendor. It's a labor-intensive job. Even with a diner that's packed and being on television, the amount of money is not enough to pay the bills. Chicken prices have been going higher and higher, which the audience is informed through Gaipa's mother, and he's barely able to stretch the income that the chicken shop is bring to cover the bills. They are poor, living essentially paycheck-to-paycheck and just hoping to be able to get by. It's his every-day life and he's been burned out by it. It's no comfy desk job, local restaurants are looked down on. There's no honor or 'reward' for his work aside from seeing people enjoy the food that he makes with his own hands.

He 'knows' his place in society and behaves according to it. During the whole initial fiasco of meeting Heart's parents, Uncle Jim apologizes on behalf of Li Ming. Heart's father is an officer, a Senior Sergeant, and wealthy ones at that. Uncle Jim is more than aware of the status difference and what that signifies in the terms to the power that they hold. So Uncle Jim would rather Li Ming take the blame and smooth things over, instead of risking upsetting Heart's parents.

Meanwhile, Li Ming is aware of the classism and resents it. He's aware of their financial status and the power that others hold over them, as seen with his indignant response when Uncle Jim suggests just thinking of the situation with Heart's parents as 'bad luck'. Li Ming is young, that's the reality. He hasn't been worn down like Uncle Jim and as a result he still (correctly) pushes against the idea that just because Heart's parents hold a high status, he should plead guilty. He knows he's innocent because he is innocent, and he's hurt that Uncle Jim would tell him to just take the blame. But the thing is, I don't think it's that Uncle Jim doesn't believe or trust him, more than anything Uncle Jim is worried that defying would somehow get Li Ming in more trouble, potentially jeopardizing his future.

Which comes to the third point, Uncle Jim wants Li Ming to do better for himself and have a brighter future than he does. He doesn't want Li Ming to know the struggle of barely being able to pay for bills or the pain of such a laborious job. That's not to say that the way Uncle Jim goes about it is correct, especially when pushing Li Ming to study is just making him miserable and Uncle Jim fails or refuses to see that. But I think he truly believes that Li Ming would find a better life by getting a college degree. To Uncle Jim, it's Li Ming's ticket out of the misery that being poor brings; he pushes it onto him because he truly wants what's best for him.

Uncle Jim, like many parents or parental figures, wants Li Ming to do better in life than he has. Uncle Jim has been worn down by life, he's essentially just floating, trying not to drown. He doesn't want that for Li Ming. Yet, Uncle Jim is so consumed by the stress of running the diner and the lack of funds that it brings in, he doesn't really see that there are other ways besides getting a college degree to be successful. (I think many children of immigrant parents/third-world countries can relate to the pressure parents apply in succeeding in their education to pull themselves out of poverty.) Which results in Uncle Jim not listening to the wants and needs of Li Ming. Uncle Jim has been tired down by the reality of poverty and he doesn't want to Li Ming to experience it, especially when he can provide Li Ming the opportunity to go to college and get an education, even if it costs him more in the long run.

He wants Li Ming to have every opportunity and success out there that's available, ones that he didn't have. To Uncle Jim, that means getting a degree. A degree can open doors that are otherwise locked. It's a ticket out. Uncle Jim's main motivation is Li Ming to find success, to find financial stability. It's the idea that once you're financially stable and out of poverty, only then can you strive to find happiness. Poverty, to Uncle Jim, is a brick wall that is in Li Ming's way. Getting a degree is an opportunity that wasn't awarded to Uncle Jim and it's highly likely that Uncle Jim blames that for his present struggles.

From Uncle Jim's point of view, Li Ming is almost a mirror copy of him and going down a path that led to a lot of Uncle Jim's own pain and suffering. Uncle Jim is reactive, even when he is trying to be proactive, because that's all he knows how to do to survive. It's not that he intends to harm Li Ming, but rather it's the consequence of his good intentions that he ends up hurting him. A double-edged sword.

He doesn't want his nephew to follow in his foot steps, he wants him to be better than him.

2. Uncle Jim and his journey with his sexuality

I don't think we can just state that Uncle Jim is a hypocrite and homophobic. Does he probably struggle with internalized homophobia? Probably. But I think the reaction, stems from much more than just simple internalized homophobia. Rather I suspect his reaction has much more to do with his personal relationships, both familial and with Beam, and how they have shaped his life in relation to his sexuality.

Here we're going to start off with Uncle Jim's relationship with his sister, Li Ming's mother. His sister told him explicitly that she doesn't believe that gay relationships to work. She compared them to straight relationships and essentially, in lack of better terms, told Uncle Jim that they were inferior. Wen even states, "Love has no gender. everyday, heterosexual couples split up. No one bothers to find out why they break up. gender has nothing to do with successful or unsuccessful relationships." Even though logically, Uncle Jim understands that, the reality was that his sister's words rang in his mind after he found out that Beam was with a woman, while also being with him.

He was burned after taking a chance. When you get one too many burns, fear starts to become standard response.

Uncle Jim's relationship with Beam has a lot to do with how he NOW views love and the place it has in his life. Uncle Jim opened up the chicken dinner in hope to help provide for Beam. I mean they were wearing rings, it was a very serious and committed relationship. Uncle Jim, in his 20s, took the risk of losing his family for this man, to prove his sister wrong. Where did that lead him? To unknowingly being the sidepiece in a straight relationship. And then Beam goes and dies before Uncle Jim could get any answers.

For about a decade, Uncle Jim was left to wallow in his pain from the wound that Beam left him. He had no clue whether Beam actually loved him. Not to mention that he, a male, was the sidepiece. This isn't just simple cheating, instead it's rather significant that Beam was cheating on his long-time girlfriend/fiancée with him. While Uncle Jim and Beam may have had a ring on each other's finger, it says something that he was the hidden lover. How could Uncle Jim not wonder if Beam was using him/hiding him due to being ashamed of being gay? Or question if he was every truly loved?

Uncle Jim was left stagnant after Beam died, there was no way to come to terms with being the side-piece to a straight relationship. There was no clarity or closure that he could have gotten to move on, because the only person that could offer to him, died. It's obvious that his relationship with Beam shifted on how he felt about love, Uncle Jim states that several times to Wen. The relationship (being the hidden side piece) likely changed how he felt about being gay and gay relationships, potentially subconsciously. It wouldn't be shocking if he attributes some of his struggles to him being gay.

Uncle Jim risked his family, attempting to prove his sister wrong, and instead it backfired. A lot of pain and suffering that Uncle Jim has experienced in life has been due to his relationship, and it wouldn't be a giant leap to think that he attributes the pain specifically to having risked everything for a man. And he'd been stuck in that mindset for so many years, relationships meant potential pain. He'd gone against the status quo and that's why he got burned.

He's still barely learning to love again, learning to let go of the past.

3. How both factor in Uncle Jim confronting Li Ming about his relationship with Heart.

I think it has been established that Uncle Jim has just been in a land of pain, where he was left just a shadow of his bright 20-something-year-old self, after running the chicken diner and having a horrific ending to what seemed like a promising relationship.

Uncle Jim is only starting to reemerge and learn what it's like to live again after meeting Wen. Sure, he probably did have moments in his day-to-day life where he could laugh and smile with others, but those were fleeting moments. He was and has been struggling in every single aspect of his life, in his love-life, his financial status, his class status, he sexuality. Uncle Jim, by not being part of the status-quo, has lived a difficult life.

That's the exact opposite of what he wants for Li Ming. He wants him to be happy, to be stable, to not suffer like he is suffering for the decisions that he made as a young-adult. He's scared and afraid for the future of his nephew, because Li Ming is not willing to conform. Li Ming is resentful and indignant with society, like many young teens are, and isn't ready to bend to the rule of those with higher status. That almost guarantees that he's going to face hardships and that scares Uncle Jim.

If that wasn't bad enough, Uncle Jim finds out that he both doesn't want to get a higher education after graduation and he's gay. Two more attributes that almost guarantee a lot of pain in society, even if there has been large strides in LGBTQ+ relations since Uncle Jim came out.

When Uncle Jim sees Li Ming it's like staring at his own reflection and that scares him. He doesn't want Li Ming to end up like him, struggling for money and not fully accepted by society. It's a fear that only a guardian can truly understand.

Uncle Jim has only known pain since finding out about Papang cheated. Even though he now loves his diner, I'm sure it was painful before because it was a reminder, one that he has given his blood, sweat and tears for. He's only now coming out of the haze, from a zombie-like state, so the way he communicates isn't eloquent, it's forceful and harsh. He doesn't know how to effectively convey his worries to Li Ming and he doesn't know how to listen, to learn that maybe there is more than one way to achieve happiness and stability.

He's not mad at the fact that Li Ming is gay, but rather he's mad that after everything he has done to avoid Li Ming growing up to be like him (poor, struggling, tormented), Li Ming is still going to end up where he is. His mirror.

It's not okay that he reacts in the way that he does, I'm sure it'll hurt Li Ming more than anything, but it's also not shocking to see that Uncle Jim is angry. Angry at the situation... a repeat of his own in his eyes. And I think that it's more complicated than just a cry of "Uncle Jim is homophobic."

TLDR; Uncle Jim's outburst against Li Ming for being with Heart isn't solely rooted in homophobia, though there may be an aspect of internalized homophobia. Rather, Uncle Jim is a product of his situation and he doesn't know how to effectively communicate with his nephew. He's struggling and he doesn't want that for Li Ming. That's not to say that it's okay that Uncle Jim confronts Li Ming for being gay, especially in that manner, but it's not surprising when he reacts in that way.

#Moonlight Chicken #Uncle Jim #Wen #Midnight Series: Moonlight Chicken #Thai BL #Earth x Mix #mlc: Uncle Jim #Li Ming #li ming x heart #earth pirapat #mix sahaphap #fourth nattawatM #Moonlight Chicken ep 7 #Wow this is much longer than I intended it to be #I'm sorry if you actually read through all that #I'm just tired of people thinking its solely homophobia without considering the lived experience that he has come through #It's not okay that it's reaction but i don't think you can chalk everything up to homophobia #not a defense just an explanation #this ended up with me rambling but dkdkdkd I got tired of he’s just homophobic #and then i saw people were attacking earth and it’s like guys #think a little please #Moonlight Chicken meta

[trikeyaredilfs]

Ok but a lot of people seem to have the idea that Trevor was the one who kissed first and blah blah blah.

But have you ever considered that Michael being the air headed jock he is was flirting with Trevor after learning he was gay? The kind of “don’t hit on me” but being actually offended that Trevor didn’t find him attractive in the slightest?

Michael going out of his way to show off so that way the gay kid would also think he was hot because everybody should think that All Star, State Champ, Freshman-on-Varsity Quarterback Townley was the hottest?

Suddenly the only thing he was worried about was whether Trevor was paying attention because he was doing cool shit like jumping over a fence just with a running jump and because he could catch a ball with his back turned? Because that was the cool football shit and turned everyone on, right?

And now, nonstop, he was hanging around back alley ways and in woodshop, leaning against something to look just that much cooler. Playing with his hair constantly, flexing while doing everything because that’s what gay men wanted right? Like a cool, muscle-y, manly guy?

It turned into constantly waiting for Trevor to make eye contact to impress him. Which Trevor never looked impressed. Even when Michael would lean over the fence and smile at him, winking.

Trevor finally tells him to fuck off. Michael only becomes more determined to make it better.

First it was dressing up. Borrowed clothes from the school band. A monkey suit. But Trevor didn’t even pay him any mind.

Then it was a soda in the locker. Trevor tossed the note without even looking at it, but enjoyed the soda.

Michael getting more and more fed up finally confronts Trevor about why he should like him because he’s obviously everybody’s dreamboat. Only to learn that Trevor thinks he’s an airheaded, arrogant, asshole and finds no part of needing to be on some list attractive.

That in and of itself guts Michael.

-

“And why the fuck does it matter whether I like you or not? Just because I like men doesn’t mean I like you. You could not be further from my type.”

“…but I’ve been super nice to you, and like, most people would kill to be with me!”

“You seriously are one of the ‘those’ aren’t you?”

#this got so much longer than I intended #trikey #Drabble