#That fanart was the first thing I drew after years of not even touching a pen and honestly I was a nervous wreck when I posted it.

[mellowthorn]

Family cuddle

#rote #realm of the elderlings #my art #rote fanart #fitzloved #fitzchivalry farseer #the fool #beloved #bee farseer #assassin's fate #assassin's fate spoilers #fitz and the fool trilogy #fitz and the fool spoilers #rote spoilers #art #illustration #Today it's been exactly one year since I posted my very first rote fanart! So this is something of a redo of that same idea. #That fanart was the first thing I drew after years of not even touching a pen and honestly I was a nervous wreck when I posted it. #But as it turned out. the people in this fandom are incredibly nice and welcoming. so thank you all for always giving me the motivation #to keep practicing and drawing/painting these amazing characters <3 #(and sorry for writing a sappy novel in my tags lol) #anyway i will forever be thinking about AUs where these three get to be an actual family. they deserve it

[askfallenroyalty]

my thoughts on finishing AFR (tumblr version)

Firstly, thank you all so, so so much for reading.

5 years ago, on February 19th, 2018, 2:24 PM I posted the first AFR comic. I drew it thinking it'd be a nice little project for a few months, and then I'd move on. Little did I know it'd become a huge passion project and something that's brought me many, many tears and laughter. It's been a journey making this thing, I can easily say I am hardly the person I am when I first made this. I've learned so much about myself, the world, and what I wanted to say in comics.

AFR didn't become a serious project until I realized Asriel and Chara's story hit home to me and I realized I had something more profound to say than just "heehee silly ut comic where siblings squabble." Now it's become a story about growing up, and the life after the "happy ever after." What does it mean for "everybody to live?" well, you live. You suffer. You cry and laugh and it's everything you want and you fear. You wake up another day.

It's no secret that Chara and Asriel are heavily based on myself. Every OC and every character I can put my grubby little hands on have been influenced by me. Yun's excitement for monsters, Mew Mew's loud declarations of frenzied thought, Hol's quiet, head-in-the-clouds nature... the list goes on. Knowing the characters now, I'm excited for the redraw as I can paint their stories from start-to-finish properly. It pains me more than anything I can't just say "here's a finished product, fully and forever." But one step to getting there was finally finishing the tumblr version. So even if I were to die, or lose my ability to draw, I can say: I told my story. I made it real. It's messy, incomplete, and not at all what I aspire it to be, but it's here. And that means, so, so much to me.

Never again will I be accepting story asks. Never again will we see what crazy thing Asriel and Chara are up to in their journey into adulthood. While the story will continue to develop, it has it's ending.

I've grown, a lot. I started this when I was 21 years old. I've had a on/off relationship, I've learned I'm neurodivergent, I've moved out of my abusive dad's home. I've had so many jobs in that time. I lived through the pandemic (not that it's over) and I've made and lost (out of touch) friends along the way. I am Sam. I drew AFR. I still have so much left to do to make it fully realized but I did it.

And in that time people have offered me grammar and spelling corrections. Advice, suggestions, fanart. You've sent like, I can only imagine to be at least a thousand asks in this amount of time. You guys have been a huge part in this comic being made. Even as the story moves more and more away from the "Ask" part of the title, you guys made it so much more fun, thought provoking, and exciting.

So while my minds a bit scattered and I'm kinda jumbled up, I just want to say with every bit of myself: THANK YOU!!!!!

I understand if many of you don't choose to stick around for the redraw, I'm more than thankful to anyone who's read this far (or heck, just one tumblr post is enough. I feel seen.) and if you so choose to stay, I look forward to sharing a million more little moments with you. ^_^

Thank you and I wish you the very best, have a good life. Peace and love on the planet earth <3

#doodles #ooc

[cryinginthefkncorner]

Look, i know I’m about to kick a wasps nest, but I need to say it.

I don’t really care for fandom shipping discourse, I don’t take Sides religiously as both have good points, and ultimately I’m just anti-censorship…

…but that doesn’t mean I think the pro side is all right and the anti side is all wrong

Both sides harass the shit out of each other, both sides extremists are bad and need to go touch grass

But y’all also need nuance in these discussions your having

Because let me tell you, as someone who was groomed by multiple predators (one would go on to abuse me Irl for 7 years of my life btw, starting when I was a tween) because of fandom, the pro side of the debate has made it quite clear that they don’t actually care to understand the ramifications of the type of abuse I went through, or to actually listen to survivors of CSA who’s abuse occurred through fandom.

The pro side will be quick to point fingers at adults of kids in fandom, but the adults in charge of me were told by therapists I was seeing at the time that I was “being a normal tween” for believing I wanted to be in a relationship with an adult at 13/14. That I was “over dramatic and should be responsible for what happened” at the hands of this adult when I disclosed the first time about the abuse. I also got in trouble for the evidence of the grooming that was found by my parents, instead of them realizing I was being targeted by a creep.

Part of this was because I was a lonely, bullied, and ostracized kid.

It’s almost like sexual predators bank on adults failing to act and blaming young girls for the abuse. It’s almost like they’re right when they tell young girls that no one will believe them when they disclose. The pro side proves this too by how they justify their romanticization by pointing fingers at parents “not parenting kids” as if they can never do anything wrong, or miss the signs.

My parents missed the signs because they assumed a teenager (who was 17-18 when he started abusing 13 year old me) could not be a pedophile. They were happy their daughter “had finally found someone to talk to” because my own peers hated me and bullied me every chance they got at that age. To the point where I was actively suicidal for years.

All of this grooming happened because I dared to interact with the MLP fandom at 13. And trust me that fandom was filled with pedos at the peak of its popularity. Like I said multiple full grown men groomed and RPG’d in a sexual way with me, even after I disclosed my age. Because I dared to like pastel colored pony’s and I wrote some (PG-13) fanfic, and drew some fanart.

And trust me, I saw the romanticization of my own abuse in that fandom, and seeing it being defended still is disconcerting.

Like, an actual survivor saying “hey, please don’t portray the abuse that ruined my fucking life as a good thing please” shouldn’t make y’all so fucking mad. But it does. And it’s fucking weird.

I’m not going to name call or anything, won’t even tell you what you can or can’t post but just know I’m one of those people where if you are posting that crap and I stumble upon it, or are vocally defending your right to romanticize it, that I’m silently judging you.

And I’m just going to block you if you try to defend it on this post.

I’d say that if you want to avoid drama maybe just get a fucking sensitivity reader if your discussing CSA, and aren’t trying to romanticize it. But apparently sensitivity readers are just “enforcing censorship” or whatever so I know I’m just talking to the equivalent of a brick wall.

Before you bring up not reading this stuff- I don’t, I’m just kinda sick of a real problem in fandom being dismissed and victims being blamed for their abuse

Before you bring up Lolita as a “gotcha” defense- I have reading comprehension abilities, evidenced by how I have a minor in creative writing (which btw involves a metric fuck-ton of reading and discerning meaning and intentions of the author from those readings) Lolita was not defending predators, it’s meaning was twisted by people who want to defend grooming and csa, and since I can tell the difference between condemnation and romanticization, I’m sure a lot of people who share my opinions also can as well. Not everyone with “anti” opinions is uneducated like you think they are, some of us are just expressing why we have limits and why we find certain portrayal distasteful. If you think I’m still wrong i reccomend going back and reading the prologue in Lolita that you obviously skipped.

Before you say I’m advocating for censorship- I’m not, I’m just saying you don’t get to shout at abuse victims who were affected through fandom to shut up. Write insensitive portrayals of traumatizing shit, and then get upset when someone tells you your portrayal is making the traumatizing shit look like it’s a-okay. If you post something on this vein be prepared for someone to say that what you wrote is portraying harmful stereotypes (ie that CSA isn’t harmful if an often repeated myth, it’s akin to saying rape victims were “asking for it” because they were drunk).

Also I’ve never harassed anyone about this in my life, in fact the people who defend romanticization of my abuse are usually just blocked on site, because I just don’t want to deal with the shit-stirring that occurs.

And finally for those who think this is me being against harm reduction- I’m not against harm reduction, maybe these thing are harm reduction for awhile, but eventually, just like alcohol or painkillers, these little fanfic stories aren’t going to be enough for would-be predators forever. They will build up a tolerance where imagination and text isn’t enough anymore, and that’s when they start to actually do the real illegal shit.

If you have reading comprehension you’ll realize I’m am not saying fiction=reality, but to spell it out more clearly, the fiction isn’t making them offend, the inability for the fiction to be enough to get them off is what leads them to offend. It’s like someone who can’t get oxy turning to heroin out of desperation.

When the harm reduction doesn’t work anymore, is it really reducing harm, especially when the stuff they now turn to is the illegal stuff they were supposedly trying to “avoid” in the first place.

Anyway, that’s my thoughts on this shit, I’m tired of seeing it debated or people with the same trauma being told to shut up because the truth is inconvenient. I needed to just get it out.

Anyone who openly defends this crap in the notes or reblogs will be blocked.

#rant post #personal #anti proship #anti radqueer #anti prat #anti map #tw csa mention #tw rap3 #tw rape mention #tw grooming

[eggoatt]

Hi! I know I left a comment on my reblog, but I felt the need to send something a little more heartfelt. I'm going to try to be normal about this lol

That picture you drew was the first thing I saw this morning, and it has been sitting on one of my monitors ever since, just so I can glance at it any time I want—which quite honestly has been incredibly frequent.

It might seem like I'm a little too excited about this, but it's a huge deal to me. Before I started putting fics out (just south of a year ago now) I hadn't written anything in nearly a decade, so I didn't really have any expectations for what I put out. Of course, I thought about how cool it'd be if someone drew something directly inspired by something I wrote, but I always considered that a kind of a lofty thing? Would be nice if it happened, but I wasn't expecting it. And if it did happen, it'd probably happen much later on when I'm a little better at writing.

All of that to say this is the first time I've inspired anyone to make art from my material. That means so much to me and I am unbelievably grateful to you for that. Also, WOW, it's from someone who has also drawn one of my absolute most favorite SciSet pics ever too?? I adore the way you draw Sunset, so when I saw this was from you I actually gasped so loud my wife heard me from the other room lol.

I mentioned this briefly in my reblog, but I really love the way this picture is composed. When I write scenes, they tend to play out in my mind in full motion with great detail, so what I envision can be incredibly specific, yet I really feel like you managed to capture details I hadn't really put words to. The color scheme in particular—lots of blues and purples, but with just the right amount of saturation to match the pink. Visual arts are not my forte, so I apologize if that doesn't make the most sense.

Lastly, I would like to ask just a couple things:

Would you be alright with me posting a blog about this on fimfic? This might seem like kind of a weird question, but I always like to make sure I clear this kind of thing with someone first. Naturally your username and links to everything would be prominently featured.

May I put this in the author's note of Chapter 8(b)? Just like before, your username and links will be prominently featured alongside it (also, if you'd like to send me a watermarked version, I'd be alright with putting that up too). I just really love this picture and would love it to be the way people visualize that part of the chapter, but I want to make sure that's alright with you first, and I also want to make sure you get the credit you deserve.

Anyway, I won't ramble any longer than necessary. Sorry for throwing a book in your inbox, but thank you for the picture, and for ensuring that no matter what else happens today, I have something to be happy about 🥰

hi!!

we've actually been mutuals for a little while (you reblogged something of mine, and i liked your taste in horse content) but back in april by complete coincidence i stumbled across your fimfic account as well and kind of fell in love with your work. the way you write sunset, your inner voice for her, speaks to me on an insane level to the point where it's informed some of my personal projects (ocs) a bit. i also really enjoyed seeing how rapidly and drastically your writing had improved over the works you had up at the time-- it made me really excited to see what you would do in the future! i even made a new account and started using the site again just so i could keep up :3 if nothing else, you've touched this creature's heart very deeply

like i said in the original tags, i've been meaning to make fanart of this scene for MONTHS and finally releasing those brainworms felt a bit like an exorcism, lol. i'm so happy i hit the mark and brought you as much joy as you've brought me !!!!

to answer your questions!:

sure!! it is fanart For You after all

same as above, go for it :3 (it is actually watermarked already! i prefer making it difficult to see so it's not distracting. take a closer look at sunset's elbow)

silly bonus trivia about the drawing: i needed a visual reference to help me with the poses, and the best ref i found just so happened to be a picture with obama in it. it's not my fault they look so tender

#woofbarkmeow

[intrepidradish]

Media: Disco Elysium

Year/my age: 2022-23/32-33

Another long one!

What drew me to the media:

My husband, again, had been trying to get me to play this game for three years, but I'm not a gamer. Games make me stressed out and I'm bad at them. (He tried to get me into Hades, and I entered the first battled screen, and moaned "I have to fight things in this"? ... I did. :C Do not like.) Generally games give me panic attacks, and then when I'm bad at them, I get really sad about it. DE is nice because you don't fight anything. It goes as slow as you want, and even in hot moments there isn't a timer. Thank you DE.

What also drew me to the media was a dildo enthusiast Thongria on instagram loved the game, which as a follower, blew me away. Like hello?? What? How bizarre right?

At some point in the spring of last year a lot of DE fanart started appearing on tumblr too. Ustalabo appeared with her comic, which is incredible. I gave up. I was spending all day oscillating between watching my newborns nap and feeding them, which was in two hour cycles into the night. I was tired. I was really bored. I was really stationary (mostly on the couch) and I was really lonely. (I don't have family where I live, I had no job, and I was new to the state)

So I decided to play a game.

What made me a fan:

How could I not become a fan after the game? It's a really incredible story and its delivery is phenomenal. But ultimately, I think I became a fan because of Harry, the amnesiac cop you possess. On my first playthrough, I was very timid and horrified by the character. I ended up a moralist because of my unwillingness to say anything accusatory or polarizing (hahahahaha! so true to life!). I only drank and did drugs when Kim wasn't around, because his observational judgement made me uncomfortable about my addiction (AAAAAA). I tried to please him too but ultimately failed because of how I organized my skills (I did an empathy run but badly, so badly). It was also deeply cathartic for me as a child of an addict, who struggled throughout my childhood with the question of 'why can't you prioritize loving me over your addiction' and as I am not yet an addict, the game gives you an opportunity to live inside a deeply troubled man and maybe...maybe help him? You aren't entirely sure what the future holds for him.

At the end of the game, I was positive he was still going to detonate. I didn't like Kim/Harry, the default pairing, because I thought that Harry still had so much work to do! One week of forgetting your life doesn't fix you! Having a friend to rely on doesn't either! And Kim has his own host of issues that the game only touches lightly. So many post-game questions!

I've come around on Kim/Harry because I've thought about it a lot. I think in the face of addiction and pain, having a friend really does matter (having the right friend too). Dealing with isolation is a big theme of life (not just DE). No one is perfect either. All relationships are a bit codependent when you are in a depression cycle. That doesn't mean they are bad/good/ideal/not ideal/something to work around/something that shouldn't happen, just tread lightly right?

But also the world of Elysium is fucking incredible. It's enormous. It's got everything you want in a new environment. It's depths are unfathomable. It gives you a framework to both interact with canon, deeply, but also inject some of your own bullshit headcanons like they are the only real opinion to have. Haha it's great. The amount of material behind single sentences in the game, throw-away lines, are enough to fill an world-specific encyclopedia (and there is the skill Encyclopedia too to make it oh so much WORSE).

Have I written fanfiction for it? Why or why not?

FUCK YEAH. I'm sort of taping off now a year later. I wrote so much fucking stuff last year. It really saved my life. I was finishing up some other fanfics too but I wrote about 250K words which is wild.

My most popular story is definitely my longest. Schlep is my masterpiece at the moment. I wanted to explore Kim and Harry's relationship while recognizing they aren't necessarily perfect for each other, but that's okay. Surprisingly, even with all the kink and the unhappy themes, it was smash hit. I really enjoy reading it. That was my second fanfic for the fandom.

Final Flight was first. It has some problems for me, but I think the concept is really fun. The romantic notes were wrong though in retrospect. I was being timid. What is surprising about this fandom too is being timid doesn't win you points being a little unhinged does. Nice. 100%

I wrote a smattering of other shorter stories. Jean/Harry, Jean/Harry/Kim, Harry/Dora, Kim/Harry. I wrote a lesbian story for Dora/Klaasje, which apparently inspired a really good writer to write more lesbians! Thank you!

I think in this period my fav is Cold Front which I wrote while worried that my grandfather was going to commit suicide (he's 96, and my thoughts on it are complicated). I don't often write bittersweet fics, but I think this one hit the notes I wanted.

I also really like The Tide at my Door, which is the Dora/Harry. No one wants to read their train wreck, but I wrote some truly beautiful passages in that one that shock me to this day. Like, hello:

"In the far end of this, whatever time is, whatever this is, you’re going to break each other, but you, a woman, will be the weed in the cracks and he, the man, will be the backed-up gutter. You cannot stop this. This is what happens in gendered society, and even if the sky falls on Revachol, it will take harsher earthquakes to shake that truth."

I started and finished a failed case fic for Jean/Harry's church raid, which I'm only posting now. And I picked up a secret santa that amazingly requested a Western AU. This was in the fall of last year, and both are about 50K words. Insane. Just insane.

Another smash hit, which surprises me, is my Halloween crack fic, Kim's Disco Inferno. I wanted to introduce Kim to the skills, and I wanted it to be a horror theme so its a blend of Silent Hill, Dante's Inferno, and more. It received some amazing fucking fanart from Shower, which got 4K likes on twitter (*giant eyeball emoji*)

It remains a tremendous pleasure interacting with the fandom through fanfiction. Everyone has been very very kind and supportive.

Opinion on the fandom:

I love this fandom! It's basically made of transmen, nonbinary folks, and beautiful lesbians, which is exactly the space I want to be in. It's also made of people interested in discussing leftist politics, the gross (sensual) side of sexuality, and the effects of poverty, addiction, trauma, and disability on people. Sign me up!

I've made some lovely friends who I talk to daily around the world.

Right now the fandom is embroiled in discourse about a lawsuit at Za/um the company that released the game and will eventually, possibly release a second game. It's a very hot topic and people are very impassioned about the issue. We, the fans as outsiders, don't really know much of what is happening outside of press releases and its quite difficult to get a bead on what's going on. People are still hot blooded to point fingers and shout as always.

I'm pretty on the fence about it. My husband bought the game on sale for $10 3 years ago. I haven't dropped a cent on it since and won't until they release (if they do) a second game. Even then I probably wouldn't pay full price because I'm a cheapskate (I'm poor). I also write fanworks for free about it, so I'm very glad the original game exists but that's sort of where my interactions end. It has brought a lot of joy to my life.

I popped into the official discord to say I'm excited about the collage maker for storytelling reasons, and got called a bootlicker (which is hilarious to me since DE made me recognize I like degradation and I'm well known for writing kink porn around boot worship. Peeps gotta come up with a better accusation against my proclivities, sorry bb). That's my contribution to the discourse.

However! I will say of all the fandom discourses I've witnessed, this one is the most justified. Some shit has gone down! It's very poltical. There is money laundering involved! Share holders! The original writers are cast out! Did they get paid? Were they forced out? A guy kicked this whole thing off from a mental institution.

Things I can say for certain is, I don't like that guy, but I don't feel like I have a strong enough understanding of IP law, Estonian millionaires and criminals, or the office politics at Za/um to really know what to make of it. People are definitely throwing themselves on the train tracks about this shit though. I hope everyone gets some time outside touching grass, because it is just a game. A game we love, but ultimately, not super important.

Would I read it again?

Oh yeah. I have such a backlog of stories I need to read from DE.

#my personal take

[pasta-stuffed-possums]

We Were Never Functional Anyway Fanart!

This is going to be a long post haha. Fair note, I’m going to also post this on Ao3, but I have to have the art somewhere first, so Tumblr!

One of my favorite Supernatural fics I’ve ever read is “We Were Never Functional Anyway”  by @inkbleeder, or BleedingInk on Ao3. If you stalk my tumblr, you might’ve seen the occasional mentions of some big project I’ve been working on for, like, a year. And this is it. It’s not really done, but I did all I could lol.

Also, since this is such a long post, I’m going to try and do a “read more” thing. So fingers crossed that works. 

Okay, assuming that worked, here’s the post. I read “We Were Never Functional Anyway” a while back, and decided I would make a little fanart. It all started with this drawing, even.

Yeah. It’s cropped weird. But regardless, I drew that thing. And then decided I liked it enough I would do a full-body drawing of Meg and Castiel from the fic.

And that’s adorable. I just kinda. Fell in love with the story even more? So I did a few more random concept sketches. One aspect of the story I just adored was the cats, Mr. Whiskers and Mephistopheles. So, I decided to draw the big angels. 

And I just. Love them. So I decided to do just one more little bit of concept drawing. Miss Periwinkle’s house! Keep in mind I’m absolute garbage at drawing houses and such.

Okay, so that’s the last thing, right? Well... It was right around then that I decided to do something. I decided I would try and draw one drawing for every chapter. Like an illustration of sorts. 

Fair note, I ended up not being able to do that in the slightest. I just don’t have the means to do that. But either way, after months and months of work totaling almost a year, plus countless sketch pages I won’t be posting here, I finally had a whole folder of these. And decided I should just post them, since I doubt I’ll ever really finish it anyway. 

Without further rambling and ado, here’s the chapters I drew. 

Chapter 1

This one was taken from the scene in the first chapter that the Winchesters walked into, and it felt just insane enough to draw reference from. It’s also good proof of how subpar I am at backgrounds that aren’t nature, haha. 

Chapter 3

Yup, already skipping around. This one is drawn from the nightmare scene, in which the kids go to bother Sam after Castiel has a bad dream. I got a good laugh out of the mental picture of Meg just plonked ontop of Sam like that in the dark. So yeah. 

Chapter 4

One of the hardest chapters to do, simply because there were so many perfect moments. But in the end, I just had to do the fireworks scene described as they got back in the car. 

Chapter 5

“Come visit us sometime, boys.” That line just made me smile a little. The entire description of Rowena during this part, like a disheveled mother, was really a nice touch. Plus baby Crowley. 

Chapter 7

This one was from the scene where Castiel goes to Dean in the middle of the night for advice. I liked the idea that he has all these thoughts, and Dean is just. tired. idk, I thought it was kinda funny. 

Chapter 11

Easily my favorite drawing I did for the entire series. The Kite Fight was just a perfect scene with just the right levels of everything. I adored the whole thing, and couldn’t help but to draw it. Seriously, even as proud as I am of this drawing, it doesn’t hold a candle to the original story. 

Chapter 15

Again, I just love the cats. The descriptions of Mephistopheles curling around Meg’s neck like some kind of weird scarf is just *chefs kiss* perfect. Plus Mr. Whiskers. I never quite got the same sort of definitive way to draw him like I did Meph, but I still like it. 

Chapter 16

Charlie was so amazing in this fic. Just the best aunt there ever was. I liked the end of the chapter, where the problem has been contained, and she is asleep with Cas and Meg. Just sheer fluff. 

Chapter 17

In my original files, this one was titled “Julian_about_to_get_his_shit_rocked” and I think that’s a pretty good title. Peggy is such a good character, and I love that it was Castiel, not Meg, who ended up fucking up Julian. It’s just so sweet.

Chapter 18 

Sam and Meg moments are always just perfect. Not to mention the cats. That little hug in this chapter, with Meg declaring he was still her favorite, was just perfect. I cannot overstate just how much I love this story.

Chapter 20

Crowley was so funny through the whole story, and I just adored when he was vibing with Mr. Whiskers. Ignore the weird cat proportions, I did my best haha. Still, it’s just so sweet. 

Chapter 23

This is the last one I did, and I think it feels fitting enough. The Christmas Family Photo. I know I keep restating how much I love it, but I really do. Dean and Charlie having a funny-faces battle, the antlers, everything. 

And that’s all the drawings. You wouldn’t think it took so long based on the quality, but you’d be wrong. I hope the author likes these, and I hope that anyone else seeing this goes and checks out the story! 

#supernatural #supernatural fanart #supernatural sam #supernatural dean #supernatural charlie #supernatural castiel #supernatural meg #art #digital art #fanfiction #fanfic fanart #castiel #dean winchester #sam winchester #charlie bradbury #meg masters #rowena supernatural #crowley

[lucky-starling]

Sometimes I think about this old friend I used to have. I think he was 6 years older than me? And in hindsight this friendship was like a buffet of red flags but nothing really came out of it?

Cw for talk of grooming and mentions of drawn csam

I literally met this guy on 4chan, so... Yeah. First red flag. I was 14 and really into mlp and i drew fanart for it, and he wanted to put together like a fan art collection for a specific niche on the board. We exchanged contact info on it (I know) and just started talking and being friends. So I'm pretty sure he was 20 at this time.

We'd talk about sex pretty frequently? Like not in regards to doing it with each other at all just, sharing turn ons and offs and casually sending each other nsfw things. I was always really open about that kind of stuff even from a young age and they're like the same kind of convos I had with people of my own age too at the time that don't seem unhealthy to me in hindsight. Lots of just raunchy humor too. But I have to wonder if the age gap between us put those conversations in a different context for him.

I even specifically remember him sending me an nsfw drawing one time of a character from a 90s kids cartoon. And I was like "woah isn't that character only like 9 or 10?" And he was like "yeah but it's fine cuz it's a cartoon" and I, at like 15, didn't really know much about this topic and didn't want to argue and possibly push away someone who had become a close friend to me but it felt icky so I was like "hmmm I just don't like that so please don't send me nsfw art of children characters" and he backed off. Years later I realized this is a tactic used by groomers to normalize the concept of underage ppl having sex. But like I had already been sexually active with ppl my own age at this point and just was not attracted to him? So the only thing I felt was "ew please don't do that again."

He'd commission art from me a lot. I wasn't very great at art but he'd consistently commission me, mostly nsfw. I had no problem with that but again in hindsight I wonder if there was an extra layer of enjoyment for him knowing that a 14/15/16 year old was drawing his porn. He even asked me like a few days after I turned 18 if I could draw nsfw art of him and his gf (yeah he had a gf this whole time too) and send me nude photos "for Reference" now that I was "legal". I was like sure and he sent them but I never ended up drawing them.

When I was like 17 or 18 we actually started hanging out irl after realizing he lived close to a family member who I visited every summer. (My family was so paranoid about me "meeting up with a guy you met on 4chan???!!!" And I was like girl relaaaaax it's fineeeee I've been talking to this now 24 year old for 3 years. Lmao. Sorry fam I get it now.)

Nothing ever really happened on these hangouts? He even took me to his house twice but didn't do anything. There was the same raunchy jokes and openness about sex but he didn't ever touch me or afaik try to flirt with me. EXCEPT one time he said something like "you know i always thought if me and [gfs name] weren't together that you and I would go out" n I was like "huh? No silly we're just friends and you're too old for me lol. I've never thought of you like that!" And he never brought it up again.

Anyways we didn't talk as much the next few years because I just kind of ghosted EVERYONE after high school (no object permanence and bad mental health) until eventually when I was 20 he randomly blocked me. Welp. I'm 25 now and haven't heard from him since. Anyway that's my story of how I was probably definitely being groomed but was saved by the power of autistically not realizing he was showing interest in me.

[electric--blanket]

a place where the heart rests

so, because @thekaiserroll drew fanart of my fanfiction i decided to return the favour by writing a long Wintersberg one-shot based off of her short comic! i hope you enjoy touch-starved Heisenberg.

warnings for death (not for main characters) and some angst.

read on ao3

--

Mama… I want mama. It hurts.

Where’s mama?

Karl Heisenberg always suffered from nightmares. Even before he was taken in by Mother Miranda — as a child, Heisenberg often experienced night terrors that had him screaming in his bed. There were distant memories in the back of his mind, where he’d wake from a terrible dream that had him screaming for his mother — and she’d always come to his side. In that terribly large, cold estate that Heisenberg once called home, it always felt so lonely. But, his mother always eased his fears; with her silk nightgown and the distinct smell of expensive soap. Her soft fingers would comb through Heisenberg’s locks of ashen brown hair, hushing him in a soft tone of voice — a voice he could no longer remember.

During the experiments, it was the only thing Heisenberg begged for when he felt the cadou infesting his body. It felt like a worm wriggling around in the wet soil during a storm, curling and writhing through his organs. He screamed for his mother, wishing she would save him from the pain and take him home again. A seventeen-year-old boy screaming for his mother to come and save him looked utterly pathetic from Mother Miranda’s perspective, and the feeling of fear only intensified when she stroked Heisenberg’s hair whilst he screamed. A soft whisper that uttered, “I’m your mother now, child.” It made Heisenberg nearly vomit.

That was the last time someone had ever touched him so tenderly. He’d not felt a loving touch since then and ducked away from Miranda’s so-called ‘motherly’ touches.

At first, Heisenberg coped with the intense trauma of his bodily changes by taking it in stride and calling his newfound power of magnetism a ‘gift’. He knew deep down it was the opposite: it stopped him from ageing, rendered him infertile and stripped away his dignity by becoming a slave to Miranda. It took a long time for Heisenberg to fully process what had happened to him. His father had left him in the clutches of a madwoman, and his life only got worse from there.

In a fit of rage — perhaps at the age of twenty-nine — he revisited his parent's estate to confront the man he could no longer call ‘father’. He had aged since Heisenberg last saw him, but those steel eyes he’d inherited were still as hard as ever. His mother lingered in a doorway just down the hall, but she didn’t dare come to greet her son as he snapped with a short, interrupted breath. Heisenberg had grabbed his father by the neck and pinned him to the nearest wall, knocking down a beautiful oil painting his mother adored. His fingers didn’t seem to stop, squeezing on the skin and bone until he felt a sickening crack vibrate beneath his fingers.

Heisenberg hadn’t meant it, not really. It was as if a demon had taken control of his body and sought revenge that barely mattered anymore. He didn’t realise what he’d done until he heard the sound of his mother screaming; distraught and fearful of her own son that she’d once coddled so long ago.

That was the last time Heisenberg saw his mother and father. The estate was quickly abandoned not long after, and from what he knew, his mother took her belongings and moved to Austria with some distant relatives. That large house teased Heisenberg every fucking day, with how it towered near the factory grounds and reminded him of what he’d done. Arson wasn’t exactly on his bucket list, but Heisenberg couldn’t resist taking a match to the place and watching it burn. Whatever childhood remained in that house was left in a pile of ashes, and he never looked upon it ever again. All of the silly dreams and hopes he’d had for his life were gone.

That was until Ethan Winters showed up. Nearly a hundred years later, Heisenberg felt something he’d sought after for so long — hope.

**

“Karl? Karl—!”

Mama. I want mama. Everything hurts.

Heisenberg forced his eyes open. It felt like his life was replaying in front of him whilst he was passed out; like watching an old film reel repeating itself and becoming more distorted each time. Up until that very night, Heisenberg’s life had been a series of traumatic events and unforgivable actions.

That night, he’d turned it all around just by laying his eyes on Ethan Winters. A man so incredible, resilient and insane… He’d do anything to get his little girl back. It was the man Heisenberg had oh-so wanted his father to be, and he admired that about Ethan. He’d never been so good at expressing his emotions honestly, or even laying out his ideas in a proper fashion to others… Oh, but Ethan was special. He’d shown Heisenberg patience that he’d not been offered before and decided to join him at his side to kill Miranda. Together.

“Karl… Fuck— Don’t die on me, asshole.”

Ethan… Ethan…

Above the metal remnants of what his mutated body had used as a shell, he could hear Ethan pushing the scrap aside to try and find Heisenberg buried beneath it. He could also hear the distinct cries of a distressed baby, something that brought him back to Earth. Heisenberg reached up through the metal until his bare, calloused fingers brushed up against Ethan’s soft knuckles. There was a moment of silence when their skin touched, but Ethan didn’t waste any time in grabbing Heisenberg’s hand and pulling him out.

The moment the pressure around his body ceased, Heisenberg felt the telltale feeling of sickening warmth seeping from many wounds across his body. The cadou inside him didn’t react too well to it, trying to cope with the trauma done by squirming and pulsating inside of him. Heisenberg drank in the expression of Ethan’s relieved face for just a moment, only until it warped into one of worry and horror. Heisenberg was weak, and his knees buckled beneath the weight of his torso before he fell back onto the ground.

The baby cupped carefully in one of Ethan’s arms began to cry again as Ethan jostled her accidentally in an attempt to help Heisenberg. A baby crying wasn’t really helping Heisenberg’s already distressed state, but it made him realise just how fucked he was. There was no way they would get away in time together, and Heisenberg was too injured to walk. The cadou might have helped to some degree, but it didn’t ease the burning pain in his body, and the loss of blood that was making him dizzy.

Ethan’s horrified expression was pinned on an appendage from the Megamycete, which rose up from the cave systems like a flower bud in spring, ready to bloom. The small, red flashing light alerted him to the fact that Chris Redfield had succeeded in planting the bomb. They had to leave.

“Go.”

A silence hung in the air for just a moment, and Heisenberg didn’t realise what he’d just said. For the first time in his miserable existence, he was being selfless and urging Ethan to leave him behind. It was the last thing Heisenberg wanted.

Don’t leave me here. I’m fucking scared. I don’t want to die yet.

“Fuck you,” Ethan’s voice trembled with venom, “I’m not leaving you here now. Not after everything we’ve been through.”

Heisenberg let out a bitter chuckle, tasting the blood seeping from his gums as he grinned, “I don’t think we have any time to be arguing about this, buttercup.”

“No. I— Mia’s dead, Karl. I need you.”

That’s right. Heisenberg briefly recalled Miranda’s kidnapping of the not-so-innocent woman and the experimentation that followed. Unfortunately, her body gave in due to her state after giving birth and she died on Miranda’s operating table. Ethan’s wife was dead, and Rose was now left without a mother’s loving touch.

“I said go. Rose needs her papa intact, not blown to pieces.” Heisenberg insisted, slumping back against the pile of scrap metal.

“Damn it—” Ethan looked hesitant to leave Heisenberg. It was a truly sweet sentiment: to see someone care about him after all this time. After all of the terrible things he’d done, and the love he’d been deprived of… Someone cared about him. Maybe that was enough. Maybe it wasn’t so bad to die like this.

“Fuck.” Ethan stammered again, licking his dry lips and swallowing, “Karl… I… Thank you.”

“... Yeah. I know, Ethan.”

That was all he needed. A trembling, watery smile shot his way before Ethan held Rose close with both arms and turned to run.

He’s going to be a great father.

Heisenberg looked up at the plant-like form the Megamycete had taken, looming down upon the ceremony courtyard with writhing mold creeping closer to Heisenberg. It was then that he decided that giving in like this wasn’t who he was: he was a fighter to his last breath.

In a last attempt to preserve his life, Heisenberg parted the pile of scrap metal and shuffled beneath it all. He rolled his wrist, the cocoon of metal surrounding him and tightening. The metal creaked, drowning out the sounds of the mold writhing around the metal to try and get inside. Heisenberg closed his eyes tightly, gritting his teeth. I won’t die. Not yet.

The explosion that followed shortly after was deafening, causing the entire ground to shake beneath him and the metal to shudder against his body. It felt painful, rippling off his injured skin like that… But, fortunately for Heisenberg, the explosion wasn’t nuclear — the blast was enough to do the job and wipe out the mold and the Megamycete.

A silence followed the explosion, brick and ash collapsing against Heisenberg’s metal cocoon. Each noise made him flinch, and his fingers twitched instinctively as some final line of defence. He didn’t know how long it was before he felt brave enough to let his guard down and release his telekinetic grip on the metal. The scraps suddenly slumped, collapsing around him as Heisenberg pushed the metal off of his body and emerged like a phoenix rising from the ashes of its former self.

The smoke and dust still remained, causing Heisenberg to cough heavily as he took a sharp inhale of the air. He squinted through the dust and remains of what was left of his home town and realised how much he’d lost. It hit him all at once; his childhood, his parents and his fucked up little family. Even though he hated Miranda and his makeshift siblings deeply, they were all he truly had left to call ‘family’. It was over in the blink of an eye, and Heisenberg suddenly felt like a child all over again. Like a child waking from a nightmare, scared and alone.

Heisenberg’s fingers twitched into tight fists, clamping his mouth shut as tears threatened to spill down his face. Even after all this, he tried to will himself not to cry, to never let down the walls he had so carefully built. But, at that moment there was nothing left to keep the foundations upright. Heisenberg’s fists loosened, and he brought his hands up to cover his face instinctively. A knot seemingly untied itself in his chest and throat, and a guttural sob left him. Maybe — just maybe — it was okay.

**

Navigating the woods was even worse during a snowstorm at night. It was bad enough that Heisenberg’s body was weak from his healing injuries, but it felt haggard from his intense emotional breakdown. In a strange sense, he felt relief from it but at the same time, it felt awfully inconvenient. Heisenberg was sure he looked like a terrible mess; his clothes were torn and his hair was damp with clumps of ash hanging from his silver locks. Not to mention the blood staining his clothes, and his valuable dog tags that hung low on his chest.

In his many idle chats with Ethan before they fought Miranda, he could recall the other man mentioning he didn’t live too far from the village. It was a fair distance away, but not too far that it would be impossible to reach if your car broke down on the road between them. Still, it wasn’t a pleasant or short walk.

By the time Heisenberg even managed to reach a place that looked like a livable home, he was close to collapsing in the snow… But, he held out. The lights were turned off inside, but a motion sensor light on the property turned on once Heisenberg got close enough. The bulb blinded him briefly, and he held a hand up to shield his eyes as he walked up the porch to the door. Heisenberg sluggishly lifted his hand, knocking on the door as hard as he could and leaning against the frame. It took a few moments before he could see a light turn on inside from the windows, and the sound of someone walking down a wooden staircase slowly.

The person on the other side of the door stopped before they reached for the doorknob, and they spoke out.

“Who is it?”

Ethan Winters. That voice Heisenberg had missed so dearly; in all of its glory and full of caution. It almost made him laugh.

“Let me in, Ethan. I’m freezing.”

“Karl?”

“As smart as ever, Ethan. Can you hurry up?”

Ethan was quick to unlock the door and remove the security chain, twisting the doorknob and pulling it open. There, Ethan was standing in a pristine white shirt and some boxers that hung low on his hips… Along with a pair of comical slippers that seemed to resemble a cartoon dog. Heisenberg’s lips twitched into a tired grin.

“Oh my, too much skin, Ethan. Back in my day—”

“Shut up and get in here!”

Ethan grabbed Heisenberg’s arm, tugging him inside to shield him from the snowstorm outside. He slammed the door shut and quickly locked it back up, and the two men finally stood face-to-face. There was a silence that hung in the air, with so many unanswered questions on the tip of Ethan’s tongue, but none came. Without any further hesitation, Ethan threw his arms around Heisenberg’s neck and tugged him close for an embrace.

It was the first time Ethan had touched him in such a way. So full of affection and genuinity, it made Heisenberg’s fingers tremble with uncertainty. He didn’t know what to do with his hands: so overcome with the touches that smothered him. His brows creased into an expression of relief, and Heisenberg’s steel eyes fluttered shut as he succumbed to the hug. He wrapped his arms around Ethan’s waist, squeezing him carefully and burying his face into Ethan’s shoulder. The smell of talcum powder and formula milk permeated his shirt, giving Heisenberg the comfort he craved. He never wanted Ethan to stop touching him, and he was content to stay like this for as long as he could — to make up for all the time he’d lost aching after affection.

“I thought…” Ethan mumbled slowly, “I thought you were dead.”

“Mm.” Heisenberg hummed lowly in response, curling his fingers into Ethan’s shirt. “So did I. Turns out I’m hard to kill.”

Ethan snorted softly.

**

As it turned out, Heisenberg wasn’t too bad with kids.

It was a tough adjustment for the two men at first; Ethan had to keep Heisenberg a well-guarded secret as he was moved to a new location with Rose (courtesy of the BSAA). Heisenberg followed their steps at a safe distance, but he was never too far from them. Understandably, Ethan was moved into a smaller home: a humble bungalow in a quiet German village. Once the BSAA had left Ethan in peace with Rose, it didn’t take long before Heisenberg settled into the bungalow with them.

Ethan had insisted that if Heisenberg was going to stay there with him and Rose, then he’d need to learn to help take care of the baby. At first, he was extremely hesitant to do something akin to a parental figure… But, Rose was a surprisingly sweet baby. She didn’t fuss too much and rarely threw a tantrum over the little things. Rose was the right amount of responsibility for Heisenberg, and that made him a patient parent.

He’d been taught how to properly hold her (after many lectures), how to prepare her formula and change her. Rose was understandably unhappy with Heisenberg’s presence at first, perhaps longing for her mother that was no longer around… But, after a few months, she took to Heisenberg very well.

Because of Karl’s lack of mortality and infertility, he never thought he’d take the figure of a father like this… But, it wasn’t exactly an unwelcome opportunity. He’d even upgraded from sleeping on the couch to Ethan’s bed.

The first night Ethan invited him to bed, Heisenberg could tell from the flustered look on Ethan’s face that it took a lot of courage to ask him to bed. A sexual joke lingered on the tip of Heisenberg’s tongue, but he bit it back in favour of keeping the proposal on the table. Instead, Heisenberg had nodded with a cheeky grin and followed Ethan to bed.

There had been some nights where the loss of Mia hit Ethan harder than he’d liked it to — even after Mia’s work with The Connections was revealed, he had still loved her to a degree. Those nights were the hardest. All Heisenberg could do was hold Ethan in his arms and comfort him with nothing more than his presence.

This invitation into Ethan’s bed was far more intimate than a comforting hug. At first, they stayed a polite distance apart on either side of the bed, with Ethan turned on his side whilst Heisenberg stared up at the dark ceiling. In the darkness, his eyes created shapes that danced across the ceiling and warped before him. Much like the mold that infested him, it was as if it continued to taunt him with its presence. After a moment, Heisenberg finally turned onto his side and glanced at the lump that was Ethan with his back to him. That urge to touch returned to the forefront of Heisenberg’s mind. It was that deep ache in his chest, like a lump of flour stuck in a smooth dough that needed to be coaxed inward.

He reached out but stopped himself before he could touch, trying to plan the best way to move forward with what he wanted. Heisenberg pursed his lips, shuffling his body closer to Ethan’s back until he finally slid his arm over Ethan’s waist. He could feel Ethan’s body freeze and tense up a little, which made Heisenberg’s heart feel like stopping altogether. Had he gone too far?

But after a moment, Ethan relaxed, pressing his chest back into Karl slowly. It was all the permission he needed to slot himself fully against Ethan and quietly seek out his hand. Once Heisenberg found it, he carefully laced their fingers together as he held Ethan like that, tugging him close with his elbow.

No words were spoken in the darkness, but a silent understanding of what they both wanted. Heisenberg finally felt complete like this, closing his eyes and exhaling tiredly. His body suddenly felt tired, releasing all the tension it had been holding trying to psyche himself up to do it.

A feeling of affection swelled in Heisenberg’s chest as he held Ethan, finally giving in to the darkness and drifting away with their bond now stronger than ever.

**

“Are you fucking insane, Ethan?!”

Chris Redfield. A thorn in Heisenberg’s side, but not as bad as Miranda. His voice filling their home put Heisenberg on edge, but it didn’t really matter too much to him. It was around ten in the morning, and the couple had just had breakfast. The television was on, playing some cartoons in the background as Rose was sitting on the soft carpet of the living area with her toys, and Heisenberg sat close to her.

When Chris made an unexpected visit, and he spotted Heisenberg in the living room, the yelling began. Ethan had kept Chris just outside of the room so that Rose didn’t see her father getting angry, and Heisenberg made sure to keep her attention on her toys. Heisenberg was wearing a pair of tartan boxers, along with a button-up pyjama shirt with a white tank top beneath it. It wasn’t exactly the pinnacle of bedtime fashion, but it made him comfortable enough at night.

When the yelling only got worse and Rose seemed irritated by the noise, Heisenberg carefully brought Rose into his lap and crossed his legs.

“Hmm,” He hummed in feigned thoughtfulness, “Does ol’ Karl need to perform for little Rose again?” Heisenberg sighed dramatically, “Oh, the things I do for you.”

He turned his body subtly to the kitchen area, holding his hand out and focusing on one of the drawers. It slid open, a few tablespoons floating out from a cutlery tray. Heisenberg pulled his hand back, the spoons floating across to the living area and bringing them to a stop in front of him and Rose. With a simple, slow roll of his wrist, the spoons began to twirl and move in a circular motion above Rose.

Her eyes widened with fascination, the corners of her mouth opening into a gleeful smile. Absently, she reached up with her soft, pink hands and tried to reach for the spoons half-heartedly as they continued their motions. A soft laugh bubbled from her, causing Karl to smile softly.

“He’s a dangerous bioweapon, Ethan. He could hurt Rose!”

Heisenberg managed to hone in on those words; a sharp pain digging into his chest when he realised the implications Chris was trying to make. That Heisenberg was a monster. A bioweapon without feeling. A creature that would kill a child.

Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Ethan pointing wordlessly at the soft scene of Heisenberg with Rose in his lap, entertaining her with spoons. That was all he needed to say, really — without even saying it. Even Chris was at a loss for words, and he quietly relented. Ethan was surely in for an afternoon of lectures.

It made Heisenberg smile a little more, turning his head subtly towards Ethan and catching his gaze. It was his quiet way of saying thank you. It went beyond thanking Ethan for trusting him with Rose but thanking Ethan for listening to Heisenberg, taking him into his home and loving him. Even though they’d never spoken those three little words out loud, maybe they didn’t need to. Their actions, affections and closeness spoke those words loud enough.

Truly, after all this time, Heisenberg didn’t think he was capable of ever being loved or trusted. Now that he’d left that horrible life behind, he was now a father, a friend and possibly a lover. The trauma would always remain, yes, like the cadou and the mutations. That didn’t mean he couldn’t be happy like this, in this simple little life he’d started to build with Ethan.

Maybe it would be okay.

#ethan winters x karl heisenberg #karl heisenberg x ethan winters #heisenberg x ethan #heisenwinters #wintersberg #winterberg #karl heisenberg #ethan winters #resident evil village #resident evil 8 #resident evil fic #fanfiction #oneshot

[sondepoch]

HC: They see MC’s sketchbook!

Art. It’s a private thing. Showing someone your work is akin to showing them a piece of your soul, an insight into who you are and everything that lies within. So when the Obey Me! boys get a glimpse of your sketchbook, they find themselves wanting for more—and all in different ways.

Word Count: 6.0k

*Mild NSFW themes for Asmo & Diavolo

Characters: All Brothers + All Undateables + Luke

MASTERLIST

Lucifer

At the beginning of the year, there is 0 trust between the two of you

Not only has he actively tried to kill you, but he’s already so suspicious of the pacts you’re making with his brothers that he can’t help but be wary every time you cross paths

So when he realizes that you’re always absentmindedly scribbling in a notepad every time you interact, he’s more than a little perturbed by it

100% thinks you’re secretly taking notes on his and his brothers’ behavior to use it against them

So, obviously, when he next sees you using it in his presence, he wastes no time in snatching the notebook from your hands

“Oh hey, Lucif—what are you doing?!”

“Nothing you should be concerned with, human.”

“That’s my sketchbook you’re holding!”

“Sketchbook?”

Instantly flips it open and sure enough, inside there’s nothing but doodles and sketches

luci.is.confuzzled.exe

He’s still convinced that there must be something incriminating in the book, so he continues flipping through it. But the more he sees, the more he realizes how wrong he is

It’s only when he flips to the section with his family that he begins to feel guilty

In the beginning, you just draw basic poses. Mammon, glancing at you over his shoulder. Asmo, posing for a camera. Beel, about to bite down on a hamburger. 

But the further he goes, the more elaborate the sketches get, and as he flips through the pages, he can feel the amount of work that has gone into each piece

And then he gets to the page where you drew him

Keep it lowkey, but he thinks his heart stopped for a second

He stares at the picture and wonders if that’s what you see every time he shifts into his demon form, because for the first time since his fall, he can’t help but think about how beautiful he looks. Everything looks so right in your art style, from the diamond on his forehead to the way his wings flutter out of his back.

It’s perfection

“I’m confiscating this,” He says quickly, not looking you in the eye.

He then escapes the room faster than you’ve ever seen, and never speaks of the incident again to you

But roughly a week later, you find a small red book on your pillow, and you know that it's a sketchbook from him, to replace the one he took

And even later—after the two of you grow close—you find your old sketchbook stored in his most secure drawer, locked away with a key he keeps hidden. And you know that he’s spent hours looking through the book on rough nights, through the doodles of him and his brothers and everything else you’ve ever drawn

And though he’s too proud to admit it, you know he loves your art 

Mammon

He found it when he was going through your stuff, absentmindedly checking to see if you had any valuables on you

And the moment he flipped open to see your little notebook of doodles, his mind went B I N G O 

He loves your art the second he sees it, spending a whole hour just sitting on your bedroom floor, flipping through the pages

Adores everything about your art style

And when he starts to see the little doodles you do of his brothers, he’s even more enraptured

You draw all the things he’s imagined but never seen: a sketch of Lucifer dressed in a onesie, snuggling a giant teddy bear. Beel, using a sleeping Belphie as a food tray for a pile of snacks as large as the sixth-born himself. Asmo with cat ears, being chased by Solomon, who appears to be a wolf.

And yet, there are no pictures of Mammon

Man is hurt by the fact that you’ve drawn all his brothers but not him. He’s your first man, after all. You should have been the first person he drew!

Gets a bit upset about it and throws your sketchbook back into the drawer he found it in, stomping back to his room with childlike indignation

Is just a bit petty about it afterward

“Hey, Mammon, can you walk me to school? Class starts in half an hour.”

“Huh? Oh, so now ya want me to do it, huh? Well, why don’t you ask Asmo instead?”

“Okay? I will???”

Soon everyone in the house has realized that Mammon’s being a bit off, and while it was nice at first to have peace and quiet from the resident troublemaker, you guys grow concerned pretty quick

And eventually, you go to his room to talk things out

Let’s just say that when you found out he’d been going through your stuff, you were not pleased. But seeing that he wasn’t going to be the mature one, you sucked it up and whacked the demon on the back of his head, telling him to “wait a second” while you went to “get something”

Cue the retrieval of your second sketchbook 

And when Mammon sees it, he’s not sure what he feels more of: guilt or happiness

Every single page in this second notebook is of him. Only a few are colored, but Mammon finds himself enraptured by even the casual doodles in the corners, where he’s doing little things like eating a banana or flashing the viewer a few Grimm

Man is touched. He’s never had anyone do this for him, and certainly not out of their own volition. So suffice it to say that when he tackled you for a hug that night, he didn’t let you go for a long time

And maybe some other stuff happened too. Who knows? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Leviathan

TSL

The second Levi sees you sketching in your artbook (after an incoherent stumble of words which you assume are synonymous with praise), the only phrase coming out of this man’s mouth is TSL

Begins begging you to draw fanart of the Shadow Lord, asking you to sketch him in different outfits, draw him in different poses, put him in various backgrounds, etc.

Basically wants you to bring his imagination to life

“Oh! Oh! Can you draw him baking a cake now? Wouldn’t that be so cool?!”

Absolutely does the wwooooooOOOOOAAAHAHHHHHHH sound effect every single time you show him your work, even if you’ve only made minor changes from the last time you showed him

He takes you on a spending spree, pulling up Akuzon and offering to pay for whatever supplies you want if you’ll just make him a super fancy poster

And so you start

It actually gets to be a pretty good way to grow closer: every day, after school, you head up to Levi’s room to work on the poster he asked you to make him. In exchange, he lets you borrow his manga and you guys watch anime together

Eventually, boi gets the idea of throwing Ruri-chan into the poster, and the second he thinks it he won’t shut up about it

“Oh, come on! You can do it—look, just put her in this little corner right here!”

“How many times do I have to tell you, Levi?! Ruri-chan and the Shadow Lord are two completely different characters who are meant to be drawn in completely different art styles! If I mush Ruri-chan into the corner, it’ll ruin the poster’s dynamic!”

“But pleeeeeaaaassseeeee?”

Cue extra pouty Levi

Eventually, you agree to make a separate drawing of Ruri-chan for Levi to hang up next to the poster, because you think that otherwise, he’ll go crazy

When the date rolls around where you’re almost done with everything, Levi formally sends out an invitation to everyone of importance

Man invites everyone from Luke to Diavolo over for the “revealing ceremony” where he plans to hang the poster on his wall

Actually tried to get the demon king to come as well, but Lucifer stopped him before he could get an invitation out

When everyone sees what you’ve been working on for so many weeks, they’re all MEGA impressed because hello??? they did not know you were this skilled???

It quickly turns into a competition, with each one of them trying to outdo each other with how vigorously they can compliment you

And soon enough you find yourself swamped with requests from every other demon in the room, begging you to make them something as elaborate as you did Levi

Satan

It’s a system you guys have set up, where every Tuesday and Thursday night, you’ll sit in the common room on the couch facing each other and will simply open your books to do what you will

You always draw, and Satan always reads

And neither will bother the other until the grandfather clock chimes twelve times, whereupon you both bid each other goodnight and wait for the next session where you do it all over

Except for today, that is

“What are you drawing?” 

Ah, there it is

The one question you were hoping Satan would never ask

You subtly (incredibly awkwardly) change the subject, commenting on the color of Satan’s jacket to distract him from his inquiry, and he picks up on the hint, quietly huffing as he turns back to his book 

But the mild irritation he feels doesn’t let him fully delve back into the realm of the nonfiction novel he was reading, so he’s more than a little distracted as he goes back to reading about human anthropology

And it’s in this state of distraction that he notices the little glances you’re stealing every so often, before returning to your sketchpad

Yeah, it doesn’t take long for Satan to put two and two together

“Are you drawing me?”

An incredulous question, asked in such an offending tone

He sounds so irate by the fact that you can’t help but helplessly deny it, muttering something about drawing plants and flowers instead

But Satan doesn’t believe it, and in an instant he’s standing behind you, staring at the sketch in your hands which has oh-so-beautifully captured the essence of him on the couch, engrossed in a book with the light from the flames in the fireplace flickering gently against his skin

The anger at being drawn without having agreed to it quickly melts into a quiet awe for your skill

“Can I see your other drawings?” He asks gently, no longer irritated but actually impressed

“I-I’m not sure if you’ll want to—”

“Nonsense. Show me.”

And so you do

You hand him the sketchbook, avoiding his eyes as he flips to the very first page—and imagine his surprise when he sees that even that is a sketch of his face, though the artwork is significantly less advanced than the piece he just saw. Satan flips to the next page, and then the next, and the next, and sure enough: they’re all of him

“I-I just needed a model to practice my artwork on,” You mumble, gaze fixated on the couch. “And you were right there, so I couldn’t resist...and then I needed a model again. And again. And you were always there, and I know I never asked, but I’m sorry, and if you don’t want me to, I won’t—“

“Nonsense,” Satan murmurs, pressing a finger to your lips. His smile has never looked as sincere as it looks now, his gaze flickering back and forth between your face and the sketchbook in his hands

“I’ll be your model, if you so desire it. Just tell me how you want me to sit.”

Asmodeus

Your model for everything

You’re trying to draw the Hulk and you a good frame of reference? And you need a really muscular model? And Beel ABSOLUTELY fits the bill? 

Yeah no, Asmo’s your model

You want to draw a child? Someone small and short, roughly the exact same height as Luke (who is an ANGEL and would absolutely help you)? Yeah no, Asmo’s still going to be your model.

Want a cute guy? Asmo. Cute girl? Asmo. Cute animal? Still Asmo.

Man refuses to leave you alone - the second he learns that you’re an artist he insists on gracing your work with the holy sight of his body

Highkey wants to model nude

And you’d be lying if you said that he was a bad model—man can hold a pose for hours without moving even a little, his only fault is that he talks incessantly—but you can easily quiet him by saying that you’re drawing his lips - and the moment you do so, he’s suddenly he’s stiller than a statue,  doing his absolute best to remain frozen so that you can capture his perfection

Boi posts 100% of your content on his Devilgram, and while you were hesitant about it at first, now you’re just used to it

Thanks to him, you’re a lowkey celebrity

Like demons love your art style 

It’s apparently very refreshing and human-like as compared to the dark and dreary art found in the Devildom, so people go wild over Asmo’s Devilgram page for it

Man thinks that they’d go even more wild if you drew something where he modeled nude

In fact, it’s lowkey a business deal that the two of you have - you allow Asmo to post your work on his Devilgram (giving credit to you, of course), and in exchange he pays for all your art supplies, acts as your model (though that’s really more of him wanting to than it being your choice), and even goes as far as to keep Mammon apart from you while you work, insisting that you need “privacy” and “quiet” while you draw

100% acts like he isn’t even more chatty than Mammon when given the chance

On the bright side, it’s thanks to these weekly art sessions where you draw and Asmo models and talks that you’re always up to date on the latest gossip. You’re 100% caught up with the fact that Zahhak just found out he has another illegitimate son and that Baphomet just liked Rusalka’s post from fourteen centuries ago

So yeah, the two of you have a mutually beneficial relationship

Asmodeus still insists that one thing would make it better though: him modeling nude

But Asmo is a sweetheart about everything, and he goes out of his way to pamper you 

Specifically, your hands—after all, those are what work your artistic magic!

Expect him to always be peppering your dominant hand with kisses, massaging it whenever you look tired, giving you weekly manicures completely free of charge, all out of the goodness of Asmo’s heart

*ahem* and weekly requests to model nude

Beelzebub

a m a z e m e n t 

Boi is entranced

Like, he’s so mesmerized by your art that he’s not even paying attention to the food sitting right in front of him, simply opting to stare more intently at the drawing you’re holding up so eagerly

It’s quite beautiful, really: The seven demon brothers surrounding you, a reworking of a photograph Lucifer took a few months ago but in your art style. And for that last fact, Beel thinks he likes this version better

“Wow,” He finally manages to say, still too impressed to really think of anything else

He lets his brothers shower you in praise and compliments, silently nodding along and agreeing with every plaudit they thrust your way

But the moment you’re alone, expect to be scooped into his arms and carried to his room

Boi instantly wants to know the process

When do you draw? How long does it take? Where do you do it? How are you getting your supplies? Who pays?

It’s not so much the physical process he’s interested in, but rather the nuances of art that make your work look so you. He’s not interested in learning for the sake of doing, but simply for the sake of understanding because he already appreciates your art so much

Absolutely invites you to his room to have you show him the art process the next time you start working on a piece

And after the first time, then, he invites you back a second - then a third - and then the two of you have settled into a routine where after school, you come to his room and pencil away in your sketchpad, with Beel watching in the background, munching on snacks

It’s quite relaxing for him, actually

He likes watching as you bring a piece together, going over previously flat areas with a second layer of shading to make certain elements pop—and even if he doesn’t completely understand what you’re doing, he’s entirely willing to learn, listening peacefully as you explain what the various tools do

By the end of the month, man has actually memorized all the names of your supplies, handing them to you every time you ask for it - be it something as simple as a request for an eraser or just the blending stump

Lowkey, your work has actually improved since you began working up in Beel’s room

Not only does he have the most comfortable setup, but the man pampers you like royalty, always making sure that there’s water or food for you in case you need something

(And if you do happen to require something that isn’t already in Beel’s room, man will 100% get it for you so that you don’t have to stop what you’re doing)

Honestly, it’s the perfect arrangement: he gives you the ideal working space and you give him hours upon hours of intrigue

And if you happen to begin sitting in his lap one day while you work, something which quickly turns into a pattern, who’s there to stop anything? ;)

Belphegor

Man naps

A lot

And you just happen to be his favorite pillow, so it’s hardly a surprise when all your free time is spent in the presence of a dozing Belphie, always passed out over your legs

So once, just once, you pull your sketchpad out from under your pillow and work on it, a cautious eye trained on the seventh-born’s every move in case he stirs

And when that first time goes smoothly, you pull your sketchpad out a second time

Then a third

Then a fourth - and suddenly, you’re caught in a pattern

It was really just a matter of time until Belphie woke up one day and you didn’t notice

And it’s already too late when the drowsy demon lifts his head, peering curiously onto your lap to see what you’re working on—much to your horror

“Y-you’re awake,” You mutter halfheartedly, a sick feeling settling in your stomach as you watch the demon’s expression shift as he studies your artwork

You hate it

A bubble of anxiety begins to rise, fear over whether he will like your work or call it bad, whether he’ll make fun of your work or tell the brothers, whether he’ll be kind about it or mean

But then, much to your surprise, he flops back onto your lap, utterly unphased

“Nice,” The demon comments casually, stretching as he rests his head along your thigh. “It’s pretty.”

You can only blink as he falls back asleep, utterly confused as to what just happened

He woke up, right? And he saw your art? And he complimented it, telling you that he thought it was nice and pretty?

A sound of disbelief escapes your mouth as you try to process the utter nonchalance with which the whole exchange had concluded with, your shock only interrupted by the light sound of Belphie, who’s already snoring

You groan

But now that Belphie has seen your work, it’s not like there’s much point in hiding it any longer, right?

You pull your sketchbook out, silently continuing to work on the design that the man napping on your lap had said to be “nice,��� adding some finishing touches to it 

And when Belphie wakes up, he speaks nothing of the entire exchange

From that point and onward, you become a little more comfortable around him, relieved that you don’t need to talk about it with him

And he gets it

For all your free time, while he naps, you draw, and the two of you find a comfortable form of peace together, an odd tranquility lurking in the fact that there are no questions, no answers, just you and him, the sound of scribbling and snoring, your sketchpad and his pillow

And really, who needs anything else?

Solomon

He’s probably the first one to realize, on his own, that you’re an artist

The two of you have nearly all your classes together, thanks to Lord Diavolo, so it’s hardly surprising when the ever-astute sorcerer picks up on the fact that every time he casts you a second glance, you’re working on some mysterious sketch underneath your desk

Doesn’t really care at first

Until he sees your work

Man actually stops when he picks your sketchbook up off the ground, inspecting the page it had flipped open to after you dropped it

“Holy shit”

Doesn’t even ask for permission, he just begins browsing through the sketchbook, growing more and more impressed with each new page he sees

You only snatch the book back from his hands when you realize that the sketch he’s staring at so intently is one you drew of him, thanking him for picking it up with a huff and awkwardly trying to remove yourself from the situation as fast as humanly (heh, yes that is a pun) possible

Wizard boy stops you, ofc

“Come with me”

“But I have class soon—"

Again, doesn’t even wait for your agreement, man just drags you by the forearm to the library and flips open a book, throws down his own notebook, and demands that you use your “art skills or whatever” to help him

Sigh

Precious wizard boy isn’t very good with words when he’s all worked up

It takes you a good 5 minutes to understand that he wants you to compare the summoning circle outlined on the book with the one he sketched to identify where he went wrong, because apparently you have an “artist’s eye” and therefore you should be able to assist him - and he refuses to believe you when you try to convince him that no, this is not your strong suit and you will likely be unable to help him

He gets whinier than Asmo (probably where he gets it from) and will not stop nagging you even as you try to leave, so eventually you just give in and agree to try to help him - and it wounds up being surprisingly easy for you to realize that he missed the secondary outline of the inner circle, among another few minor mistakes

Huh, maybe you are naturally inclined toward this

From that moment and onward, Solomon decides that you are officially valuable (not only do you have magical potential, but you have an eye for summoning circles too? how UNFAIR) and begins spending all his time with you

Doesn’t really care about the fact that you’re an artist at first—is really more interested in how your skills can be applied

But then one day, after a particularly rough night of going through twelve whole summoning circles for twelve powerful demons, he takes a nap and wakes up to find you passed out on the floor, sleeping on top of your sketchbook where you fell asleep doodling him

Highkey touched

And slowly, he begins casually “falling asleep” around you more often, to see and flip through more of your artwork when he wakes up 

Sigh

Bby is fucking shady even when he does wholesome shit

Simeon

Okay let’s be real

There’s no peace with the seven demon brothers. Solomon is chaotic. Luke, as much as we love him, is just a lot to be around. And even with Barbatos next to him, Diavolo is a walking tornado that tends to wreak havoc whenever he wills it (and he usually wills it).

So honestly, being with Simeon is the only place of tranquility you can find in the entire Devildom

Specifically, his room

*Which is off-limits to all the aforementioned individuals

He extended the invitation for you to spend some “relaxation time” in his quarters whenever you pleased at the beginning of the year, his angelic heart already sensing the absolute whirlwind of disaster you were walking into when you joined RAD

And while you declined his offer immediately out of politeness, you found yourself sheepishly knocking on his door not one week into the program

And now it’s become an every-day sort of thing

So yeah

Simeon knows about your art

In fact, you can’t seem to draw unless you’re in his presence, because at this point, he naturally soothes you so much that your hand is only steady when you hear the sound of his calm breathing in the background

In fact, you work best when the two of you are spread out on his couch, your back resting comfortably on Simeon’s shoulder while he writes (yes, he manually writes all his books on pen and paper) and you put your legs up on the couch, sketching away in your notebook

It’s the very image of peace, something you can’t seem to find anywhere else in this realm

And Simeon, bless his heart, may be a master of calligraphy, but the precious angel cannot draw to save his life - a fact which you have taken it upon yourself to handle

See, the angel gets tired every now and then—understandable, given that he produces literal masterpieces at his hands

And so when he gets tired, what does he do? 

Make incomprehensible doodles in the upper left corners of his papers

So, of course, you’ve taken it upon yourself to bring those doodles to life (even if it requires a half-hour of inspection before you can make out what the sketch was supposed to be) and Simeon loves it

The expression of eagerness that surfaces every time you inform him that you’ve finished a piece is so rewarding, because the childlike glee with which he takes the paper from your hands to inspect it always sends a rush of warmth to your heart as he gushes in appreciation

But uh 

Simeon is a special kind of chaotic, something that manifests every time he doodles something on paper

You stare at the angel in disbelief as he informs you that his latest doodle (what appears to be a banana-looking creature in sunglasses?) was actually a monkey ironing clothes—unsure what to say in light of this information

But it’s okay :) There only needs to be one artist in this relationship, and it clearly isn’t him

Luke

It started with cake

He needed “inspiration” to make something for Barbatos, as a thank-you gift for the pastry lessons the elder gave him, but Luke claimed that everything he made, while it tasted fine, lacked in the aesthetic department

And while normally you would play it Simeon-style, leaving it to the younger angel to handle things on his own so that he can grow individually, you felt too bad watching him discard another batch of cupcakes into Beel’s mouth, rubbing his head in aggravation over how annoying it was that nothing was looking right

So you helped him out

It was nothing major, really

Just eight doodles—subtle yet elegant designs for a triple-tiered cake, childish and bouncy arrangements to store flan, little details in frosting to give cupcakes the added element of specialty that makes them infinitely better

But the second Luke saw your paper, he went wild

Boi was running to the kitchen so fast he barely even had the time to shout “thank you” 

Apparently, your little sketches sparked inspiration in him so strongly that the flames burned til midnight (much to Simeon’s disapproval), but when Luke was finally done with everything, he walked out of the kitchen with a tray of desserts that looked so perfect it was hard to imagine that he brought them to life from your sketches

Luke spent ages thanking you, shoving desserts down your throat even when you insisted that you were full, so unimaginably grateful that you helped him out of what he called “chef’s block”

Each “thank you” was accompanied either a brownie or a slice of mango mousse or whatever new pastry Luke was creating that day, and before long you were getting to enjoy luxury foods on the daily (much to Beel’s jealousy)

Boy only believed that the debt was paid when you told him that there was no debt to pay, that you sketched those quick little doodles for him out of kindness and not obligation

Believe it or not, Luke’s eyes actually welled with tears for a second at that, before he wrapped you up in a giant (is it really giant if the hugger is so little?) hug, wailing something about you being too “pure” and “perfect” for the Devildom, and that one day you would be very happy in the Celestial Realm

You pat his head, telling him that if it truly made him this happy, you would be glad to help him out again and sketch some food doodles whenever he wanted some new ideas

Cue another round of hugs, muffled crying, and sobs about how amazing you are

Barbatos

Barbatos knew, of course

Not because he used his powers or anything, he would hardly use them for something so trivial, but he was aware from the start that you were an artist because it was he who prepared for your arrival in the Devildom, ensuring that you had all the same amenities and comforts you were used to in the human realm

And, as such, that included art supplies

So the very moment he set his eyes on you, he was aware that you were an artist

What he didn’t expect was for you to actually be good at it

He sees your sketchbook when he’s casually strolling through the RAD library, finding you completely knocked out on one of the tables, the spiral binding of the sketchpad still digging indents into your cheek where you lie on top of it

At first, the butler rearranges your position as a courtesy

He lifts your head and rests it on your hand - which makes a much softer pillow -  coincidentally placing your books back inside your bag and taking a moment to organize the papers strewn across the desk

But then he just happens to glance inside

And the second he does, he’s mesmerized

There’s not much in the world that can surprise Barbatos - not after he’s looked after Diavolo, of all people, for so many millennia - but the butler still finds himself holding his breath as he flips through your sketchpad, each piece telling a story so evocative that it leaves him wanting more even when he arrives at a blank page, abruptly realizing that he’s just gone through your entire sketchbook without your permission

Of course, you just have to wake up at that precise moment - sleepy eyes glancing up at the butler and wondering if you’re hallucinating, but the book in his hands is far too real and the shocked expression on his face is impossibly jarring and you flinch, suddenly feeling self-conscious as you realize what must have happened

Barbatos is a perfect gentleman about it, kindly telling you to get more rest so that you don’t pass out in a public library surrounded by demons who want to eat your soul, but he ends the sharp warning with a rather kind remark about your artwork

“I liked the second-last piece best,” He murmurs, casting you a cryptic smile before bidding you farewell

And obviously, the moment he’s out of sight, your nose is buried in your sketchbook, fingers flipping furiously to find the second-last piece you drew which you cannot seem to remember at all, and—

Oh

A flush immediately erupts on your cheeks as you see the colored sketch, something inspired by nothing more than a whim

It’s simply two people on a walk—both of them vague imitations of what your mind had wistfully conjured up—one of them bearing the telltale mismatched hair and olive green eyes, the other sharing a quiet resemblance to yourself - a conscious decision, of course

But just as you’re about to flip off the page, another detail you’d forgotten about draws your attention—and your cheeks suddenly burn in embarrassment as you realize why Barbatos singled this piece out

The figures are smiling, gazing at each other from the corners of their eyes. And there, in the very center of the piece, it is obvious: 

They are holding hands

Diavolo

RIP to Diavolo’s royal painter

They have been replaced

By you

As much as you fought it, as much as you argued that you were not fitting of this position, as much as you pleaded with the demon lord to not force this title upon your shoulders, Diavolo’s decision to appoint you as the honorary Devildom painter was final—and nothing can change his mind once it’s made up

The title is really just that: a title. Diavolo knows that you’re a busy student, and while he honored your artistic talents with this position, he’s not about to actually force you through the expected proceedings of a true royal painter, not while you’re trying to survive being an exchange student in hell with an entirely unfamiliar curriculum in front of you

But on occasion, he’ll send you a text, asking if you’re free

And you’ll head on over to his palace, ready to paint him

And unlike every other demon, angel, and human in the Devildom, when Diavolo models for you, he actually models nude

Asmo is jealous

Sexual tension is high when you paint him, let’s just leave things at that

And honestly, it really doesn’t matter what you paint - Diavolo seems to be more interested in the fact that it’s a human who did the art in the first place

He once saw your RAD binder, noticing the little doodles you’d drawn on the corner of all your papers, and he immediately took them—declaring that they were art to be preserved for all eternity for historical documentation purposes

So yeah

There’s a hall in Diavolo’s palace filled with your RAD math homework, an eternal reminder of the assignments you copied off of Solomon

(You’re not sure what’s more embarrassing: the fact that you’ve drawn some rather inappropriate doodles on those pages or the fact that, despite having copied all the answers, you still managed to get nearly one-third of the problems wrong, and now your mistakes are to be showcased in the Devildom for centuries to come)

It gets to the point where you and Solomon start making bets over how basic you can get with your art for Diavolo to still consider it “amazing” and “utterly awe-inspiring,” as he likes to put it

In honor of that bet, there is currently a banana peel with a few marker doodles on it hanging in a preserved case in an iced room in the lowest levels of the palace, as none of the “art” can be wasted

But in truth, the demon lord’s fixation with human culture is endearing, especially when Diavolo tries so hard to be accepting of it

So eventually you stop giving Diavolo wacky art and actually start putting your full effort into your creations—your reward being the fact that the final piece you complete gets hung in Diavolo’s private bedroom, where he promises to gaze at it every night for the rest of eternity, vowing to remember his time with you every time he sees it

#obey me headcanons #gender neutral headcanons #obey me #obey me shall we date #shall we date #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me leviathan #obey me satan #obey me asmodeus #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphegor #obey me solomon #obey me simeon #obey me luke #obey me barbatos #obey me diavolo #gender neutral reader #gender neutral mc #my favorite to write was #simeon! :D

[enderspawn]

hello I'm a critrole and taz enjoyer and I'm looking to get into jrwi but . fanart looks Angsty so I'm Unsure (i know it's hypocrisy coming from a cr fan but .) jsbxjdbchdc I'm completely geniuenly asking - what do you like about jrwi? what's the premise like? You seem to really like the series, so please rant about it 🙏 (only if you want to ofc!)

I absolutely will, I will take any excuse to rant abt jrwi and try to get ppl to watch it BDKABDN

so to cover the basics jrwi, aka Just Roll With It, is a dnd show! featuring Grizzly, Bizly, Condifiction, and Slimecicle. their current main campaign (and the one I post abt most often) is JRWI: Riptide!

there are other campaigns, past and present, such as Prime Defenders (which is Patreon exclusive, with the first 5 episodes released for free this December), Convergence, The Fated Five/The Original Campaign, and more! They’re all also considered JRWI, but I’ve not rlly touched any of them beyond a bit of PD so I won’t probably be talking abt them (they’re here more for comprehensiveness and if you stumble across content labeled jrwi you don’t know, it’s probably one of these!)

Riptide is a pirate-based D&D campaign, following our main crew, comprised of: Chip, the human rogue, who is captain of the crew and the biggest bastard of the sea, Jay Ferin, a human ranger, who acts as the ship’s navigator and is known for her accuracy in shooting (as well as a few secrets or she might be hiding), and Gillion Tidestrider, (Champion of the Undersea, Hero of the Deep), who is a homebrew paladin/sorcerer multi class triton, who is very new to the whole “life above the sea” thing, let alone the whole “humans” thing, but works through it by strictly following his morals and holding honor above all else in pursuit of his destiny.

The campaign ACTUALLY starts with… none of these characters, but instead a prequel oneshot set 10 years before the events of Riptide, which explores the legend of the Blackrose Pirates. You might even recognize some familiar names!

After the Blackrose Oneshot, you can watch through the main campaign here!

To avoid this being a Painfully Long post, the rest will be under a cut

So for 1: Angst shouldn’t be an issue here tbh. It’s very much a TAZ-esqe campaign in tone, with majority being adventurous and funny and light hearted…. Until it absolutely punches you with feels. A lot of it is very character-based storytelling (which I rlly enjoy) but it means your mileage depends on how much you invest yourself in those characters. There’s plenty of bits you can look deeper into for angst or character building, but if you don’t *want to* majority of the time it’s fast paced enough to move on from.

if you’re wondering how competent of pirates they are; they didn’t even have a MAP until abt episode 40ish and have ended adventures giving away money on more than one occasion. They’re bad at it <3

One of the things that IMMEDIATELY drew me to jrwi and made me really enjoy it was the DMing style. I think the first episode of Riptide is, frankly, a masterclass in “will I enjoy how this game is run?”. You will know if you’ll enjoy the show or not by the end of episode 1. They don’t want to big themselves down in rules and play much more by rule of cool over all else. SHOULD [x] work like that? Probably not, but it’s cool, so it does now! It’s all abt keeping up that lighter tone and fast enjoyable pace so things don’t get bogged down. The players are willing to make objectively bad outcomes or choices for their characters (possibly worse than the DM would) just because it would be funny.

They do a LOT to flavor the combat to make it engaging to listen to, which is massive for myself: even in TAZ, I’d tune out when initiative rolled, but they add in a lot of flavor, character, and humor into their combat which keeps it engaging for me.

The DM, Grizzly, is great at working with what the players give him and running with it. Whether that be integrating backstory stuff, to *literally changing an entire planned arc* to be more music based after the players decided they wanted to form a band as a goof (which it originally WASNT apparently, but without knowing that I literally could not tell).

ALSO THEY LITERALLY MADE A WHOLE ASS ORIGINAL SONF FOR THEIR FICTIONAL BAND TO PLAY AND I FEEL LIKE THAT DOESNT GET TOUCHED ON ENOUGH

All the players (though I notice it most with Bizly and Grizzly) are great at playing their characters, but especially VISUALLY. Like physically looking at sight lines or having this noticeable change in posture/gesture when in character vs not. As well as some (imo) stellar voice acting moments, it’s just (chefs kiss). Like… don’t get me wrong here, this ain’t “professional actors/voice actors” level of good, but it’s damn nice for your average Joe dnd podcast and helps incentivize watching on YT (for me).

Another big thing for me is the length: episodes average around and hour and a half or so, making it more accessible for my poor attention span (especially with a midroll you can pause in). I’ve never gotten into Crit Role SPECIFICALLY bc of the length of each episode, but JRWI works well for me.

In the end though, like I said, I love characters and it’s (emotionally) a very character driven story. There’s plenty of fantastic adventures and puzzles and the like for people who care more for plot than characters, but the characters are the reason I come back every time. You start with these basic entertaining people then they start to show other sides of them and gain this depth I fucking LOVE. My personal favorite is Chip, but Gill and Jay are both so intruiging as well with some common themes/issues while also being incredibly different. I’m. Trying not to spoil anything here but I just….. yeah <3

ALSO while it’s patreon exclusive and thus requires 10+ a month to access, they have a series called Just Rolled With It where they talk abt the session they just played (what they liked, what they didn’t, theories, more in depth behind the scenes n character shit, etc). And like… the best part of PLAYING dnd is sitting around w your friends geeking out abt your campaign!! Talkin abt ur personal scrunglys!! and now I can do that parasocially with a podcast!!!

If you want a sample taste, I’ll link down below some spoiler-ish free* animatics of bits I enjoy you can watch to get a feel as well

*they’re bits/encounters from later episodes/arcs than the first few, but shouldn’t be any kind of plot spoiler or a major issue.

https://youtu.be/XANB-fCFUAI

https://youtu.be/9M-qhLlt5oI

https://youtu.be/z8Y3W1kyhaM

https://youtu.be/KpyFjbM4SK0

#god I. yeah #all I want is to get other ppl into this series please I am. please HDKADBFJ #jrwi #og post #answered #anon

[cyndavilachase]

I’m Looking Forward Now 💖Thank you and good bye

So, it’s been a little over a week since Steven Universe Future ended… 

I’ve been hesitant to write this, honestly, but I’m tired of holding myself back from properly expressing myself in fear of appearing overly invested in the media I consume, even in private. Writing helps me organize my thoughts and feelings, and I feel like these thoughts in particular may resonate with many, so I want to share them. I want to talk about what Steven Universe has done for me personally, both as an artist, and as a person.

I’ve been around since the day the first episode of the original series aired. I actually remember when Steven Universe was just a logo on Wikipedia’s “List of Upcoming Cartoon Network Shows” list, back when I was a freshman in high school. It piqued my interest, but when commercials finally dropped for it, I thought it was going to be bad because of the way marketing handled introducing Steven as a likeable character. There was still something about it that made me want to give it a chance though, so I went online and watched the pilot before the first episode's release. I was hooked immediately. I knew I was going to love it, and I did. I fell so absolutely in love with Steven as a character, and the world that he and the gems lived in. I became obsessed. I was always so excited for new episodes to come out. Little did I know what else it would do for me as I went through my adolescence alongside it.

As the show progressed, it was evident that what I wanted out of a western animated childrens’ cartoon was finally coming into fruition: this show was becoming serialized. There was continuity, there was plot, there was character development-- it was getting deep. It was pushing the groundwork that Adventure Time laid out even further (thank you, Adventure Time).  

I will give credit where credit is due: earlier western childrens’ cartoons I grew up with like Hey Arnold, and Rugrats, among others, also touched on heavy topics, but Steven Universe was able to take similar ideas (and even more complex ones, concerning mental health and relationships) and expand on them outside of contained episodes and/or short arcs. These themes, which were a part of the show’s overarching story, spanned across its entirety. Continuity was rampant. 

What did this mean? It meant kids cartoons didn’t have to be silly and fun all the time and characters weren’t just actors playing a part in 11-minute skits. Steven and the gems would remember things that happened to them, and it affected them and how they would function and play a part in their story. This was a huge deal to me as a teenager. I always wanted the cartoons I grew up with featuring kid characters to feel more. In my own work, I often felt discouraged when combining a fun, cutesy western art style with themes as dark or layered as anime would cover. I always thought it had to be one or the other because an audience wouldn’t take a combination of the two seriously enough, based on discussions I had with classmates, friends, and online analysis I read at the time. Steven Universe proved to me otherwise. This show was opening the door for future cartoons exploring in-depth, adult concepts. I felt so seen as a kid, and was inspired to stick with what I love doing.

I was actually very worried about the show’s survival. It was in fact immensely underrated and the fandom was miniscule. Then in 2014, JailBreak dropped, and it’s popularity exploded. Part of it was because of the complex plot and the themes it was covering like I mentioned, but also because of its representation. 

I remember when fandom theorized that Garnet was a fusion due to grand, tragic reasons. Turns out, she’s simply a metaphor for a very loving w|w relationship. This was huge. I cannot stress how important it is that we continue to normalize healthy canon queer relationships in childens’ media, and Steven Universe finally was the first to do that proper. Introducing these themes offers the chance for a kid to sit there and ask themselves, “Why is this demonized by so many people?” I asked myself exactly that. Ruby and Sapphire were my cartoon LGBT rep. They were the first LGBT couple I ever ecstatically drew fanart of. I was dealing with a lot of internalized homophobia at the time, and they showed me that I was allowed to love women and feel normal about it. The process of overcoming this was a long one, but they played a part in my very first steps into becoming comfortable with my sexuality. I could go on and on about it’s representation in general-- how it breaks the mold when it comes to showcasing a diverse set of characters in design, in casting, and in breaking gender roles. It’s focus on love and empathy. Steven himself is a big boy, but he's the protagonist, and the show never once makes fun of his weight, or any other bigger characters for that matter. It wasn’t hard to see why the fandom had grown so large.

Fandom was always a joy for me. It was a hobby I picked up when I was in middle school, like many of us here did. I would always cater my experience to fun, and fun only. I only started getting more deeply involved in SU’s fandom when I had just turned into an adult. During the summer of 2016, between my first and second year of college, I drew for the show almost every day non-stop when the Summer of Steven event was going on and posted them online. This was a form of practice for me in order to become not just more comfortable with experimenting with my art, but also to meet new artists, make new friends, and learn to interact with strangers without fear. I dealt with a ton of anxiety when I was in high school. When I was a senior applying to art school for animation, I decided I was going to overcome that anxiety. I made plans to take baby steps to improve myself over the course of my 4 years of college. Joining the fandom, while unforeseen, was definitely a part of that process. I started feeling more confident in sharing my ideas, even if they were fan-made. I fell in love with storyboarding after that summer, when I took my first storyboarding class, and genuinely felt like I was actually getting somewhere with all of this. I remember finally coming to a point in my classes where I could pitch and not feel hopelessly insecure about it. I was opening up more to my friends and peers. 

But this process, unfortunately, came to a screeching halt. 

My life completely, utterly crumbled under me in the Fall of 2017 due to a series of blows in my personal life that happened in the span of just a couple weeks. My mental health and sense of identity were completely destroyed. All of that confidence I had worked for-- completely ruined. I was alone. I nearly died. My stay at college was extended to 4 and half years, instead of the 4 I had intended. I lost my love for animation-- making it, and watching it. I could no longer watch Steven Universe with the same love I had for it beforehand. It’s a terrible thing, trying to give your attention to something you don’t love anymore, and wanting so desperately to love again. I dropped so many things I loved in my life, including the fandom.

Healing was a long and complicated road. I continued to watch the show all the way up until Change Your Mind aired in the beginning of 2019, and while I still felt empty, that was definitely a turning point for me with it’s encapsulation of self-love. I was hoping James Baxter would get to work on Steven Universe since he guest-animated on Adventure Time, and it was incredible seeing that wish actually come true. The movie came out and while I enjoyed it and thought highly of it, I was still having issues letting myself genuinely love things again, old and new. It was especially difficult because cartoons were my solace as a kid, when things got rough at home. I remember feeling sad because the show ended, and not getting the chance to love it again like I used to while it was still going.

By the time Steven Universe Future was announced, I was finally coming around. I was genuinely starting to feel excitement for art and animation again. I wasn’t expecting there to be a whole new epilogue series, but happily ever after, there we were! Prickly Pear aired, and the implications it left in terms of where the story was going did it. I was finally ready to let myself take the dive back into fandom in January of this year. My art blew up, something I wasn’t expecting considering my 2-year hiatus. Following this, I was invited into a discord server containing some of the biggest writers, artists, editors, and analysts in the fandom. I had no idea there were so many talented people in the fandom, some already with degrees, some getting their degrees-- creating stuff for it on the side just for fun. The amount of passion and productivity level here is insane, and so is the amount of discussion that has come out of it.

I didn’t realize it at first, but it was actually helping me gain back the courage to share ideas. I lost my confidence in pitching while I was taking the time to heal, and graduating meant there would no longer be a classroom setting I could practice in. This group helped immensely. 

I have made so many friends through this wonderful series, and I have so many fond memories talking to like-minded creatives, getting feedback and a myriad of sources for inspiration, as well as all of the memes and jokes and weekly theorizations that came about as we all waited on the edges of our seats for episodes to air. I needed this so badly, I needed to get back in touch with my roots, when I would go absolutely hog-wild over a cartoon I loved with people who loved it as much I did. Future has been a blessing for me in this way. I graduated feeling like I was back at square-one, but now I feel like I’m on my way again.

It’s 2020 and while I’m doing great right now, I am honestly still recovering from the total exhaustion that followed after graduating a few months ago, and finally leaving the campus where my life fell apart behind. Needless to say, watching Future was like looking into a mirror. Watching one of my favorite characters of all time-- one that grew up with me-- go through so many of the same things I went through not too long ago was absolutely insane to watch unfold. It’s such an important thing too, to show a character go through the process of breaking down over trauma and all the nasty things that come with it, and to have them go on the road to healing. Steven got that therapy. He wasn’t blamed. The gems were called out. The finale was everything I could have ever hoped for. The catharsis I experienced watching it was out of this world.

As I continue my own healing journey, I will always look up to the storyboard artists, revisionists, and designers that I have been following over these past 7 years, as well as the new ones introduced in Future. It's been such a joy watching these artists release their promo art for episodes, talk about their experiences working on the show, and post the work they've done for it alongside episodes airing.

Thank you Rebecca Sugar, the Crewniverse, and the fans, for making this such a truly wonderful and unique experience. Thank you for reminding me that I am, and always will be, an artist, a cartoonist, and a fan. Thank you, my followers, for the overwhelmingly positive response to my artwork. I have had so much fun interacting and discussing the show with you all again over these past few months. Steven Universe and it’s fandom will always have a special place in my heart, and it will always be a classic that I will return to for comfort and inspiration for decades to come. I am sad that the cartoon renaissance is over, but so many doors have been opened thanks to this show. I am so, so excited to see what this show will inspire in the future, and I hope one day I get the opportunity to be a part of that. 

Goodbye Steven, thank you for everything. I wish you healing, and I wish Rebecca and the team a well-deserved rest. ♥️

-Cynthia D.

#steven universe #steven universe future #steven universe future finale #steven quartz universe #the future #i am my monster #good bye steven universe #thank you steven universe #crystal gems #garnet #amethyst #pearl #bismuth #lapis #peridot #greg universe #connie maheswaran #lion #su #suf #su future #art #artists on tumblr #illustration #tears #lineless

[writing-by-gayrainbowbridge]

Can We Keep Him?

Third Part From This Fic Inspired By The Gorgeous Fanart Made By murdermuffinloki:

Evolving off of this ^ here's more of that story

⚠️Warnings: Angst, Lokicest, Nightmares, Minor Language, Some Violence, Tonycest⚠️

Enjoy 💚❤💚

(Please Check The Pinned Post On My Tumblr Page To See If There Are More Parts To This Story)

President Loki felt helpless.

It wasn't a feeling he liked, especially now as he struggled against the hands pinning his arms behind his back while forced to watch them grab Anthony and throw him down to the ground.

His stubborn little mortal wouldn't go without a fight, kicking out his legs when the TVA agents drew near him, shouting to let President Loki go and cussing them out.

President Loki yanked one arm free, throwing a punch but a baton hit his back with more force then he thought was capable and went down onto his knees, gasping in pain.

"No, stop it! Stop, you're hurting him!" Anthony screamed, standing up and backing away though his eyes didn't leave President Loki's kneeling form. "Just let him go and you can have whatever you want!"

The TVA agents didn't listen.

President Loki hated feeling helpless because it was the very emotion that rolled through him when he watched that one TVA agent grab Anthony's wrist, the genius screaming and lashing out in anger but it wasn't enough to stop them when the pruning stick touched his skin.

Anthony disappeared in a flash of golden sparks before President Loki's very eyes, Anthony's shocked face and golden brown eyes being the last thing he ever saw of him.

President Loki had screamed and screamed after that, hatred taking over and he managed to kill three of the agents, including the one who had pruned Anthony before they managed to subdue him.

When they pruned him, he was grateful for it.

Until he realized that wasn't the end.

Because it was never so easy.

The nightmares of what horrors his Anthony must have gone through after being pruned haunted his nightmares. Dreams of Anthony on his knees, Alioth heading straight for him and President Loki once again helpless as he watched the person he loved be consumed by the monster.

...

President Loki lurched up with a gasp, hands scrambling at the blankets, reaching for someone who wasn't there. That hadn't been there for years. Still, Anthony's voice echoed in his head, screaming for him to save him even though he couldn't.

"Hey, you okay?"

President Loki squeezed his eyes shut tight. Norns, he sounded so much like him.

There was some shifting around and then arms were wrapped around him, a kiss pressed to his cheek though he still didn't open his eyes. "Was it bad dreams again?"

President Loki gave a single stiff nod.

There was a soft sigh, another kiss placed to his lips this time. "Do you want to talk about it or do you want to have nice cuddles with me and Prancer?"

President Loki managed a tiny smile, opening his eyes to look at Tony. "Cuddles sound very pleasant."

Tony grinned, turning to Loki who was apparently not asleep as President Loki, instead eyeing President Loki worriedly. "Scooch over, Bambi. Our Variant needs some cuddles."

President Loki chuckled slightly at Tony's antics even though it made his chest ache for his Anthony. Everytime he thought he was getting past it, he had more dreams, more nightmares and that cold ache came back, reminding him all over again of what he had lost.

Despite being cocooned in Loki and Tony's arms, it took President Loki a while to fall back asleep.

...

"I wanted to ask you something."

President Loki glanced up from his book, across the table at Loki who had set down his own. "Yes?"

"Your Anthony. How did he die the first time?" Loki asked softly. "You do not have to say if you do not wish to. I was just wondering about it. I know the second time was from the TVA killing him but you never did tell Anthony and I how he died the first time."

If anyone else had asked him, President Loki would already have torched them but this was Loki. It was different.

"It was an accident he died," President Loki sighed. "You and I both know how your Anthony gets himself into trouble despite being a genius. It was his own stupidity that got him killed in the end."

"Is that so?" Loki asked with a small smile.

President Loki nodded, chuckling a little. "He was experimenting in the lab, said he was working on a dangerous project. But then, he always said that and it would turn out fine in the end."

President Loki looked down at the floor with sad eyes.

"This time, it didn't end well. The lab blew up, creating a hole in the side of the Tower. When I got there, the place looked like a war zone, everything obliterated in the blast," President Loki explained quietly. "Anthony was gone. Evaporated in the blast."

Loki eyebrows knitted together. "That's why you're always in the lab with Anthony now, isn't it? So you can protect him if anything goes wrong."

President Loki nodded. "If I had been there, I could have teleported him out or shielded him from the blast. But I didn't because I wasn't there. I lost him that day and it took years to get him back, only for the TVA to take him from me again."

Loki didn't know what to say to that. He couldn't ever imagine being without Tony, not wanting to even consider the possibility.

Instead he stood, rounding the table and sat on the chair beside President Loki, pulling him into a hug. Loki wasn't the most affectionate person in the world, not like Tony was but when it mattered, he was always there to comfort the people he loved.

President Loki wasn't one to cry but even then it was a struggle to keep the tears at bay as he whispered. "I didn't even get the chance to tell I l-love him one last time."

...

It was a few days later that there was an Avengers mission alarm. The Avengers never protested President Loki joining them for the mission. After what he had done to Steve, the Captain was too afraid now to say no to the Variant.

So they headed to central park where apparently there was some sort of scientific disturbance that Shield couldn't identify. When they got there however, nothing seemed out of the ordinary.

"Shield's pulling our leg, aren't they?" Tony muttered to himself, crossing his arms over his chest though he kept a close hand to his arc reactor that would activate his suit tech. "Fury is trying to ruin my Saturday."

That's when a portal appeared high up in the air, the same one TVA agents used, instantly making Loki summon daggers to his hand and President Loki not-so-subtly standing in front of Tony protectively as a ball of green flames appeared in the palm of his hand.

They all stepped back when a small figure of a person fell out of the portal, screaming at the top of his lungs as he fell through the air and landed with an 'oomph' on his back in the grass. The man groaned, turning onto his side as he curled up into a ball, gasping for breath. "N-never fucking again."

President Loki's eyes widened as that was...it sounded just like...

"Is that...?" Tony trailed off as President Loki rushed forward to the man who was struggling to sit up.

President Loki dropped down to his knees, grabbing the man's shoulder who yelped in alarm, whipping his head around, golden brown eyes panicked before he saw who it was. "Loki?!"

"Anthony," President Loki whispered and this time, he really did cry as he pulled his mortal into a bone crushing hug, causing Anthony to squeak but still hugged back just as tightly.

"Easy, babe. I'm okay. I'm here now," Anthony whimpered, soothingly running a hand through President Loki's hair. His suit he wore was shredded in multiple places, one of his shoes missing and his face was a little scratched up but otherwise he did in fact, look okay. "Sorry I took so long."

"By the N-Norns, Anthony. Is that really what you're c-concerned about?" President Loki hiccupped.

Anthony had the nerve to grin cheekily at the god but quickly changed tact as he leaned forward to capture President Loki's lips, kissing him hard. "Fuck, I missed you."

"I m-missed you too. S-so much, Darling," President Loki whispered. "I l-love you, Anthony."

"Love you too, Blueberry," Anthony murmured before looking up and seeing Loki and Tony. "Oh, wow. I look even prettier than I thought. No wonder you're hanging out in this timeline."

Tony grinned cockily, though Loki just rolled his eyes. "Now there's two self-obsessed Stark's. Lovely."

"I thought you were dead," President Loki muttered. "What did you expect me to do?"

Anthony blinked. "You...oh, shit, Lokes. I didn't think...I didn't know that you thought I was dead."

"I thought Alioth got you," President Loki whispered, voice pained.

"Not gonna lie, the thing almost did," Anthony admitted with a shrug. "But I got away. I looked everywhere for a way out of the place to get back to you and make sure you escaped those assholes who sent me there and eventually found this."

He held up a TVA Tempad.

"It was dead when I found it, along with the person it must have belonged to but I found that Tesseract thingy you're obsessed with," Anthony explained.

"I'm not obsessed with it," President Loki mumbled.

"I heard from some Loki's that there had been a President Loki there once who escaped with another Loki Variant back to his timeline. So that's where I went," Anthony finished as if he hadn't been interrupted. "And here I am."

President Loki smiled a little, Anthony reaching up to wipe away the tears streaking the god's cheeks. "My stubborn little mortal. So stubborn you wouldn't even let death take you."

"Nope. Nobody gets to take me but you," Anthony said with a wink that made President Loki roll his eyes. Anthony nodded towards their doppelganger's. "So, why'd you really stay in this timeline?"

President Loki raised a skeptical eyebrow. "I'm sure you already know, Love."

"Ooh, yay. Foursome time? I haven't had sex in years. You owe me big time," Anthony grumbled. "Can't believe you were having sexy threesome times without me."

"I thought you were dead!" President Loki protested once again though Anthony only laughed, standing up on his feet, brushing himself off despite his suit being ruined and offering a hand to President Loki who took it. Anthony helped him back onto his feet and held onto his hand as they walked over to the pair.

"So, I heard something about 'foursome time'," Tony said before either of them could say a word.

"Oh, I like him already," Anthony said with a grin. "He's got the right thinking."

"Well, he's Vice President in my timeline so he is rather intelligent," President Loki stated.

"Ooh, what would I be in your timeline? Secretary?" Tony asked eagerly.

"Don't be ridiculous. That's obviously my position," Loki teased. "You'd be the team mascot."

Tony pouted as President Loki laughed.

Loki shook his head. "This is as far as I'm willing to expand this relationship."

"Fine with me," Anthony said, eyeing Tony who gave Loki puppy dog eyes.

"Can I kiss him?" Tony pleaded. "I've always wondered what it would be like to kiss myself."

"Go ahead," Loki muttered though he still smiled when Tony made a happy sound.

"Pucker up," Tony said, Anthony smirking as he grabbed the front of the genius' shirt and smashed their lips together.

"They will never change," President Loki said with a chuckle.

"I wouldn't want it any other way," Loki said with a content hum as he leaned against President Loki, watching the two geniuses pull apart, breathing heavily.

"I'm a fantastic kisser," Anthony breathed with a delighted smile.

Tony laughed breathlessly, turning to Loki with wide eyes.

"Can we keep him?"

...

@murdermuffinloki I just couldn't bear poor President Loki to be without his own Anthony so I had to fix that. And of course, we all know Tony would be a complete sucker for himself XD

#murdermuffinloki #presidential frostiron #loki/tony/president loki/vice president tony #loki x tony x president loki x vice president tony #loki #tony #president loki #vice president tony #lokicest #tonycest #nightmares #minor language #some violence #angst #fluff #(three shot) #(3/3)

[star-scrambled]

What got you into Sonic hell??

oh, buddy. sit down for a sec this might take a while.

Ysee, for a really long time I really wanted to be a part of said Sonic hell, but it was really hard to get into it as a 10-13 year old who never grew up with the mainstream franchise by that point. I loved the fanart and what I read of the new IDW comics, but otherwise I was struggling to know where to even begin with understanding the basic lore and characters, especially being an outsider attentively listening to the uproar inside the fandom everytime a character was portrayed wrong or inaccurately...that was really intimidating.

The uproar, of course, included everything surrounding the movie’s old and new designs for Sonic.

So when the day came and me and my best friend were gonna see the first Sonic movie after school...it all just hit me. There was something surreal but exciting about finally getting to see this delayed, controversial movie...and wondering just how good it was gonna be without any spoilers at all. I drew the characters and talked about the franchise the entire day long, like I realized I did have more genuine excitement and attachment to the franchise than I thought I did. It wasn’t much, but I thought it meant something. So, skip to when I went back home after the movie that night and I LOVED IT. I had a GREAT time and I unironically thought it was really touching, ESPECIALLY that iteration of Sonic himself. Couldn’t stop thinking about it the entire evening, and according to old stories I might’ve even thought about it throughout my sleep. If my sudden engagement in wanting to attach myself further to the franchise already stood out to me BEFORE I watched the movie, it sure became clearer after that evening.

So basically the movie was my real first starting point for where I became a Sonic fan. I decided that I was going to indulge in as much Sonic content as possible until I understood what I didn’t yet to a more comfortable extent, and I could actually become a dedicated fan in the community. Like my previous attempts, it didn’t happen right away for the exact same reasons, it was really overwhelming and a lot to take in! I was INTERESTED and didn’t want to stop, but alas, my ND brain didn’t find its more long-term hyperfixation death grip on it yet.

It happened eventually though. By this point two years ago, I would’ve been plowing through the rest of the current IDW comics (the Metal virus arc got me genuinely crying IT STILL DOES), watching the OVA for the first time, and...arguably, the reason why I’m here and more dedicated than ever BESIDES the first movie right now, is that I finally found my favourite character and something that I could fixate on.

And THATS why I’m Movie Knuckles’ number one fan 😁 combined two of my favourite things together and I’ve been looking forward to him ever since lol!

But yeah Tldr: I’m in Sonic hell because of a combination of the movie, IDW comics, and my unending obsession with Knuckles the Echidna. Yippee!

#vics silly brain zone #sonic #sonic the hedgehog #sth #STARSCRAMBLE LORE INCOMING

[mythicamagic]

Funeral Flowers: a Sesskag Oneshot

Summary:  Sesshoumaru knows what Kagome's favourite flower is- because it just so happens Forget-Me-Nots have been filling his throat for months. Hanahaki Disease fic. Sesskag oneshot.

AN: for @drosselmeyerwrites​, who is also a lover of the 'suffering Sesshoumaru' trope. She's been a lovely commenter and wholesome person in the fandom ^^

Warning: body horror elements. This is a Hanahaki Disease fic with a twist on the concept.

Words: 10,000

Rated M

@cookieasylum​ drew an amazing fanart for this fic so please check this fic out on Ao3!

Funeral Flowers

It started as a mere flutter. Sesshoumaru could feel it at the back of his throat: the beginnings of something that tickled and irritated his windpipe- not enough to cause anything serious, but just noticeable. This sensation only worsened with time.

Kagome looked at him like he'd grown a second head after hearing him stifle a certain noise clumsily behind his fingers.

"Huh," she mused, peering closely at him. "I don't think I've ever heard you cough before."

After a few weeks, he'd begun coughing. A little blemish that he could easily hide behind his hand. Sesshoumaru had wanted no one to notice such a shameful thing. An unwilling action, but required in order to clear his airways.

"Hn," peeling long fingers away from his down-turned mouth, he looked away. Kagome shifted bare legs in the glittering water, lounging on some rocks by a river while half-heartedly sunbathing in a tank top and shorts. Golden eyes slid back to the slim, pale stretch of her smooth, toned leg as she swayed it.

"Kind of a human action, isn't it? Do demons even get colds?" her concern only seemed to increase. "You're not sick, are you?"

"No," he huffed, adjusting himself beside her. They kept a respectable distance. 'Friends' was what she called them. Sesshoumaru tried and failed to tear his gaze away from the parting of her thighs as she stretched languidly. "I do not get sick," he added, "such a thing is beneath me."

Kagome slid both arms behind her head to act as a cushion, laying down. "A few years ago you'd have said sitting beside a priestess ankle-deep in a river would be 'beneath' you. Things change."

Sesshoumaru tilted his chin up to regard her haughtily and gave a dignified snort, adjusting his rolled-up hakama pants. "It is beneath me."

Kagome rose a brow, fluttering one hand carelessly in a shooing motion, "go on then. Leave if it's so offensive," she sighed, trying and failing to hide her smile.

No.

His body flared alive at the thought, unsettled. Sesshoumaru bit back another prickling cough, settling for clearing his throat. "You should be the one to leave. This one was here first."

"Wha- no! I got to the river before you!"

"I was referring to age. Bratty mikos should listen to their elders."

Kagome burst out laughing, sitting up to lightly bat his shoulder. "That makes you sound ancient! You're such a dork. No one else knows how much of an absolute dork you are, do they? It's a crying shame."

Sesshoumaru did not know what a 'dork' was, but he assumed it to be something unflattering. He should've been annoyed by it, aggravated. Kagome's playful, happy scent made this notion impossible.

Thin lips twitched at the edges, dragging his heels through the cool current. He couldn't honestly put into words why exactly he'd shown up, following her scent. Logically, he knew he should leave her alone.

They fell into an amicable silence again, one that had been born from months of time spent together. Odd snatches of coincidental meetings had flourished into something more, and they'd begun seeking one another out for company whenever he visited the village. Sometimes she even paid him a visit the Western Stronghold. Any demons who complained about it were silenced by how… determined the miko was to make friends. A force of nature. It had amused him to no end watching ancients tripping over themselves to try to avoid her bad books.

He could also deeply understand those who had taken an immense liking to her.

Kagome was warm and teasing, a rare thing not wholly unwelcome. Her stories of the future were interesting, personality vibrant but down to earth and occasionally sassy. He enjoyed her more than he should, a quiet, snarky male by nature basking in her effortless glow.

"What's your favourite flower?"

He blinked, "this is a question belonging to Rin. I do not expect such fanciful notions from you."

Kagome huffed and flicked her hand to splash some water over his knee. "I can talk about flowers if I want to. Shinto asked me what mine were, so I got to thinking. I'd like to know what yours are too- or do pretty dog demons baring flower crests not have an opinion on them?"

He sniffed, bringing down one leg to create a splash that soaked her side. Kagome let out a yelp. "The Shiragiku flower. "

"Oh you can't be serious!" She giggled. "When I asked what your favourite colour was, you said 'white' of all things. White! That's the absence of colour!"

"This one is aware. You kept rabbiting on about it," he wiped some imaginary lint off one shoulder.

"But still! And now you tell me you like flowers that are infamously used for funerals," blue eyes rolled skyward, glittering with mirth. "Why am I not surprised, Mr Killing Perfection?"

Thin lips lifted into a sneer free of malice. "Very well, Shikon miko. What is your favoured flower?"

Kagome hummed. "Forget-Me-Nots."

Letting out a noise between a huff and a chuckle, he shot her an exasperated look. "And you give me grief over mine. Did you not say that blue was your favoured colour?"

"Hey, Forget-me-Nots can be pink, white or blue! I'm not as predictable in my tastes as some people."

That was most definitely true, he thought flatly. She had moved on from her first love, a Hanyou- only to bond with a Daiyoukai, and then…

And then…

Kagome stood, stretching both arms above her head. Sesshoumaru knew what she'd say before she even said it, wincing and bringing a hand absentmindedly to the base of his throat. It throbbed. Now the ache even seemed to seep lower.

What is this pain in my chest? He wondered. What is this strange sensation?

"I should go."

Sesshoumaru slid tired attention up to her and nodded silently. He would not wish her well.

"Shinto will wonder where I am," she needlessly elaborated.

"Indeed."

Kagome glanced at him and dropped her arms. "What's wrong?"

He thought to tell her, not for the first time. But it was silenced by everything else that had come before. Their history. Their species. Her lack of discernible interest, her new flame. A heavy weight pressed down upon his chest. His shoulder ached.

"Nothing. I am fine."

Dark brows pulled together. Sesshoumaru stood and nudged her away with a single palm on her back that lingered too long. "Go. I am… merely hungry."

"Oh!" a look of relief swept over her face. Kagome laughed, "okay, I'll leave you in peace. Happy hunting!"

Sesshoumaru felt his chest ache and constrict while his expression remained a blank mask. He covertly winced after she'd jogged away to a trail within the forest that would take her back to Kaede's village. She stopped to wave, and he quickly wiped his expression clean again, rendering it neutral.

Kagome smiled gently, her face full of friendly affection. Sesshoumaru regally inclined his head, eyes burning.

Do not go.

She left him alone, hurrying away to see her new flame in complete ignorance.

Sesshoumaru coughed and massaged the base of his throat as soon as she was gone, frowning.

Feeling something stuck to the roof of his mouth with his tongue, he curiously parted his lips and reached behind a sharp tooth to pluck the soft, small thing out.

Damp from saliva, a tiny, pretty blue petal caught his attention, clutched between forefinger and thumb. Sesshoumaru stared. A sense of creeping foreboding slipped into the back of his mind at the discovery.

This did not bode well.

---

His affliction made visits to the village difficult. It was easier in the beginning when he could hide a few coughs and tickles of the throat. Steadily, however, the discomfort increased. Sesshoumaru needed to pick out petals from his mouth every day, and the number of them only grew with frequency. He had to remove the irritating little things every hour now.

"Lord Sesshoumaru has been picking at his teeth a lot lately," he heard Rin whisper to Jaken, pausing mid-brush. She had been tasked with caring for the old miko's horse. "Is it a toothache?"

"Shh! Don't comment on such a thing so loudly, girl! If Lord Sesshoumaru wants to do some teeth maintenance, then he may do so!" Jaken squawked, frowning up at her.

Sesshoumaru cut golden eyes to the sky and turned away.

"Ah, I didn't mean to insult you, Lord Sesshoumaru!"

"You're STILL drawing attention to it!" Jaken griped.

Pointed ears twitched, blocking out their animated voices and tuning into a set of quick footsteps. Sesshoumaru inhaled, wincing as his lungs protested- the scent of citrus, summer and home comforts reaching him long before Kagome appeared from around the side of a hut. She beamed. His heart ached.

"Hey," she called, trotting over.

"Hello, Kagome!" the little girl waved enthusiastically, wobbling.

Steadying Rin atop her wooden perch as she continued brushing the tall horse, Kagome flashed him a knowing look. "You look tense. Is it from being near the stables?" she teased.

Rin gasped, "does Lord Sesshoumaru not like horses?"

"It's their smell, you nitwit!"

Kagome frowned at Jaken, before searching Sesshoumaru's face for answers. Obviously his silence and demeanour was starting to worry her. Taking a breath, he tried to ignore the petals stuck in the gaps of his teeth. He could feel more building, pooling in the back of his throat like thick mucus.

"They are skittish and afraid of this one. It is better to keep distance."

Predictably, Kagome gentled- but surprised him by easing closer. She seized his hand, tugging- and he was helpless to do anything but follow. Heat touched his cheeks.

Kagome walked backwards, maintaining eye contact like the femme fatale she wasn't, shifting her soft touch to grasp the back of his hand, lacing lithe fingers through his. She then forced the Daiyoukai's palm to rest against a warm neck. The horse shifted slightly, tail flicking, yet it did not startle. With Kagome's prompting, Sesshoumaru glided the flat of his calloused palm down the length of its powerful neck, the thin layer of brown fur tickling his skin.

"Maji isn't like other horses, he's calm around demons. He has to be if Kaede is gonna ride him to fight Youkai," her voice glided through his ear canals like melted honey. Kagome hummed, "though she said because of her age that he might be mine soon. Weird, huh? It's like she's prepping me to be the village miko more and more."

"It is not 'weird,' it is expected," he uttered, thrilled at the prolonged touch. How foolish. The heat of her palm felt exquisite, hand clasped intimately around his. "You will make an acceptable village miko."

Blue eyes flitted up to him, smiling. She gave his hand a squeeze. "Thanks, but… sometimes I wonder if-"

"Ah, so this is where you escaped to."

Sesshoumaru stiffened. Kagome ripped her fingers away- tearing open a gaping hole inside him. He quickly stifled a cough, but it was larger this time, throat clogged. His shoulders shook, sweat dotting his brow.

Kagome was busy being scooped up by Shinto, a large male. He dressed well, for a human, a jagged scar running over one eye. A momento from his mercenary days, he'd called it, though he was now reformed.

Kagome laughed and swatted his shoulder, demanding to be put down. Jaken piped up, yelling about indecency. All the while, Sesshoumaru fought not to let anything show. To not let the agony out. The jealousy. The consuming desire to act upon instinct and take what he ached for.

He couldn't stand it. Couldn't stand seeing the male's burly, meaty hands drag over her hips to settle at the base of her spine. Like they belonged there. Sesshoumaru coughed again, drawing away.

Kagome caught the action, turning to him. "Sesshoumaru?"

He hated the concern swimming in her gaze. It would be so much easier to despise her.

"I have lingered too long," he said quietly, trying to mask the rawness of his voice. "This one should be going."

Kagome nodded slowly, "do you want some honey to soothe your throat? It sounds a little-"

"No," he quietly snapped, starting to walk away. Confusion immediately curdled in her scent, and he regretted the lapse in control. Now she'd worry.

Foolishness.

"Lord Sesshoumaru!" Jaken hurriedly ran after him, following his Lord from the village. "Bah, those humans get more presumptuous every day. I don't blame you for leaving in such a hurry," he muttered, keeping up his tangent long after they'd met the treeline of Inuyasha's forest.

Sesshoumaru unexpectedly stopped, slamming claws into tree bark and causing it to splinter.

Jaken yelped, jumping and dropping his staff. "Mi-mi Lord?" bulbous eyes widened upon seeing him stoop over slightly, silver hair obscuring ashen features.

Sesshoumaru's shoulders shook, dry heaving sounds reaching Jaken's hearing. The retainer gasped, watching him cough, gasp and choke. Thick trails of dewy saliva pooled onto the ground. Rasping noises shuddered out from clenched teeth. Trembling claws reached inside his mouth, feeling something at the back of his throat. Grasping it, Sesshoumaru fought not to gag, coughing while removing the thing and looking at it with stinging eyes.

A Forget-me-not flower sat innocently between forefinger and thumb.

Both demons stared. Phlegm soaked petals rested at Sesshoumaru's feet. Jaken stood gravely silent for a while.

"Mi Lord…" he said thinly. "You have fallen prey to something very old…"

"You will not breathe a word about it to anyone," Sesshoumaru coughed, eyes stinging. He straightened and wiped his mouth, collecting himself. He threw the flower aside.

"But-"

"No one, Jaken," Sesshoumaru hissed, molten golden eyes burning. "Or I'll kill you."

Jaken yelped and quickly bowed several times, promising wholeheartedly not to interfere.

"I-I understand! However, if it's not too much trouble, perhaps you could hear out a suggestion?"

Sesshoumaru sneered and started walking again, his breathing slightly hoarse and rasping now, no longer quiet. His lips pressed together, trying to silence himself. It proved painful, and he quickly breathed through his mouth again.

Jaken tentatively continued; "your affliction is something ancient. I know little about it, but I do remember that it's possible to have it removed before it claims your life."

Sesshoumaru stopped, hands curling into fists. Claws scraped palms.

"That will not do, either," came his soft response.

"W-why ever not, milord?! This matter is potentially deadly to demons!"

Sesshoumaru stared ahead unseeingly. He knew of the affliction too. Had recognised what it was immediately. If he removed the flowering bud from within his chest, wiped away all evidence from her from his body, then he'd lose the very thing that had made him catch the illness in the first place.

His feelings for Kagome Higurashi.

"My reasons are my own," Sesshoumaru coughed behind his hand. "I will not die. Do not fuss over trivial matters, Jaken."

His retainer gaped, hurrying after him. Fierce worry painted his features. The infamous and deadly Hanahaki Curse could fell even the strongest of Daiyoukai.

---

It interfered with eating.

Sesshoumaru thankfully did not need to eat too often, but hunger inevitably gnawed its way into his gut. Transformed, he raced through the forest on all fours in a smaller version of his true form. Low-hanging branches lashed at his face. Forget-me-not flowers lodged in his throat conglomerated into a thick mass. They were practically a ball stuck at the back of his mouth. Sesshoumaru managed to ignore it just enough to track the scent of a deer- only to lose it and find a green pheasant within range.

Barely a snack, but it would do.

With a gurgling snarl, Sesshoumaru sprang at some bushes. Squawking with distress, the bird took flight- only to be caught in his jaws. Bringing sharp teeth down elicited a satisfying crunch. The taste of iron filled his parched mouth. Tilting his head back, Sesshoumaru had every intention of swallowing it whole. He'd done so before. The bird was small enough compared to his form. However, this quickly became impossible.

Red eyes widened. The flowers acted as a barrier, preventing food from travelling down his throat.

Spitting out the bird, Sesshoumaru tore into it. He tried again and again, breaking the kill into smaller pieces. He even tried drinking from the river to wash down the flowers. Nothing worked. No food could pass into his stomach.

With a low crooning noise that hissed out between his teeth, Sesshoumaru padded away from his uneaten kill with an agitated flick of his tail.

---

It affected his sleep next.

At his Stronghold in the Western lands, Sesshoumaru set aside his paperwork and retired to bed. Curling into a nest of furs, he stretched out long legs, sprawling on one side.

Only to feel a dull ache thrum from his ribs.

Wincing and setting a hand over the spot, Sesshoumaru frowned. He was unfamiliar with the sensation, however, Kagome had once whined and complained about 'pulling a muscle.' Perhaps the tight, clamping sensation echoed that pain. Deciding to roll over onto his opposite side- he abruptly burst into a coughing fit. The angle had upset his breathing, lungs protesting.

This vicious cycle continued long into the night. He tossed and turned, trying to get comfortable. Even laying still made him feel tense and pained. In the end, Sesshoumaru rose from his futon and began running.

Too tired to think, he transformed, relying on instinct to guide him. He whined softly; the ache spreading. He wheezed a little, breathing constrained despite being physically fit.

The inuyoukai sprinted to the outskirts of Kaede's village. Scenting the air, he caught a welcome fragrance on the breeze.

Mate.

Clearing the hillside with a single bound, Sesshoumaru shrank his form even further to that of a regular dog. Sniffing around the outside of a hut, fluffy ears perked. She was not home.

Where?

Following the invisible trail in the air, he padded around the village, passing by unseen by some villagers. Their lack of vigilance disgusted him. What lax security. Stopping at the Monk and Slayer's hut, he listened, hearing a soft humming from within. The sharp tang of blood, vomit, faeces and afterbirth caught his frayed attention.

The Slayer had been pregnant. From the sounds and smells of things, she had given birth and now slept while Kagome remained awake. He could pick up the faint fussing from a young babe.

Sesshoumaru stayed still, listening to the miko gently hum. Slowly, his body weakened, and the inuyoukai lay down outside the hut, resting a weary head atop large paws.

Something stirred from within, the rustle of covers. "Mn... are you alright? Want me to take over?"

"No, I'm fine," Kagome answered in a hushed tone. "He seems completely zonked out, little cutie-pie."

The Slayer paused, "your head. You said it was aching again earlier."

"Heh, Sango! You've just had another baby! Focus on yourself!" her lovely voice tinged with exasperation. "Really, everything is okay. It just hurts from time to time ever since that night with the boar youkai attack. It's no big deal."

"Prolonged headaches and amnesia does not fall under 'no big deal,' Kagome."

Laughing this off breezily, he could hear the shrug in her tone. "I just blank on a few things from the month prior to the attack. I'm sure it wasn't anything important."

Tired lids slid shut, and Sesshoumaru gained some sense of rest while imagining the woman within cradling a newborn pup instead of a gurgling infant. The two women talked some more, lulling him into a false sense of comfort even as his throat thrummed with continuous pain.

---

Breathing was a struggle.

Every inhale became a wheezing, quivering thing. Like crumpled paper that had been smoothed out and squashed too many times. Mucus constantly filled his mouth, senses clogged. His breathing ranged from laboured to a noisy, rasping thing.

He could no longer afford to visit the village. Sesshoumaru took to monitoring Rin from afar whenever he felt the need to check up on her. Needless to say, he avoided Kagome at all costs. The miko was an infamous busy body who would become a nightmare to deal with if she knew of his suffering.

Yes, that was the only reason.

However, on a random day he briefly let his guard down, the unthinkable happened.

Inuyasha found out.

If Sesshoumaru had comprised a list of all the beings he did NOT want to know about his affliction, Inuyasha would be right up there, along with his meddling mother.

Inuyasha stared, watching him with a complicated, horrified look on his gruff features. Shifting, Sesshoumaru stood from where he'd been knelt by a river.

Forget-me-nots floated downstream.

"... What the hell is wrong with you?" were the first words Inuyasha blurted out.

Sesshoumaru wiped his mouth, sneering. "I need not explain myself to you, whelp."

"Keh, if anything warrants a damn explanation, it's barfing up flowers."

He didn't need to hear anymore, turning with the intent to leave. No doubt the fool would talk nonsense, and he had no patience for such things with his current headache. His temples were pounding, throat parched.

"Why don't you just fucking tell her, you coward?"

That certainly caught his attention. Sesshoumaru halted. "What?" he croaked.

"Ya think I'm that ignorant, huh?" Inuyasha rolled his eyes, shoving both hands inside his sleeves. "I know."

"Know what, exactly," silken tones rasped. "You are but an ignorant pup. You were not raised within youkai circles, and so could not possibly understand."

"And whose fault is that?" shaking his head, Inuyasha huffed. "I dunno what crap you're yappin' on about, anyway. I'm talkin' about your secret relationship with Kagome that you had a couple of months ago."

Stiffening, Sesshoumaru felt his bones lock and throat inflame. He swallowed, wincing slightly. He flashed his teeth, "whatever you think you know, it is incorrect. A baseless assumption."

"Bullshit!"

Continuing to walk with every intention of escaping the pending conversation, he stopped dead the second Inuyasha opened his mouth; "I could smell you on her! But that all changed the second she hit her head. Did she forget you or something? You were happy to just abandon her after she stopped being useful for a good time?"

A deafening snarl upset his aching throat, ripping something inside. Blurring through the air impossibly fast, Sesshoumaru snatched up his sibling's throat and slammed him into a tree, causing the trunk to shudder.

"Silence," a blood-curdling rasp hissed out from clenched teeth like boiling steam. Crimson eyes glowed, claws itching to bury into the nuisance's windpipe.

Even while choking, Inuyasha managed to bark out a laugh, grasping a striped wrist. "You really do like her, huh? Never thought I'd see the day, bastard." White ears pulled back flat against his skull. "What's the deal? Just open your mouth and tell Kagome. Then I don't have to smell your pining ass all over the forest while you stalk her."

Burning embers were snuffed out. Sesshoumaru coughed, lifting a hand to his mouth. His shoulder thrummed, aching. "I cannot do that."

"Why not?"

"She does not remember," releasing him, the Daiyoukai stepped back. "The miko fell quite quickly for the male who rescued her that night. The fault lies with me that she sustained injury. If she is content with another, I cannot force her gaze to me."

It wasn't as though he hadn't tried. However, Kagome seemed happy with their relationship as friends. Guilt, stung pride and other such ugly emotions were all tied up with the incident.

Inuyasha blinked with disbelief, sizing him up. "When the fuck did you get so noble?" Sesshoumaru sneered, glancing away as his brother continued. "And anyway, what does that have to do with you coughing up flowers?"

Since he'd revealed more than intended as it was, Sesshoumaru felt no inclination to divulge extra information. He turned and this time; resolved not to stop walking. "Drop the subject, whelp."

"Maybe I'll tell Kagome about it."

Sesshoumaru did not falter, knowing the fool's game by now. "Do as you please," he dismissed in a wheezing, thin voice, stepping under the cool shade of weeping willow trees and leaving him behind.

---

He did not intend to revisit their old rendezvous point. Sesshoumaru had wanted to put it behind him, to let everything that had happened within the cave fade into obscurity.

The second he stepped foot within the mossy mouth of its opening, however, Kagome's lingering scent fanned over a striped cheek like a breathy exhale.

Long white lashes slid half shut. Hooded golden eyes became hazed. The memory of her salty, sweet taste wrapping around his tongue flooded his senses. Claws twitched, recalling the phantom sensation of full breasts falling into his palms as her back arched exquisitely. Her eyes had darkened into a lush, deep blue.

She'd been memorable, to say the least.

Walking further in, so that he stood fully submerged in their love-nest, Sesshoumaru basked in the illicit scents and breathy whispers he could remember caressing his hearing. It hadn't just been about sex. It never was with her.

Kagome had held his demonic hand without fear and stroked his cheek, murmuring ardently or giggling quietly. She told him things he hadn't thought he'd wanted to know before.

'You're nothing like your father' she'd said easily but with a conviction that made the ageless demon believe her. The notion should've been insulting. His sire had been unbeatable in strength, so of course he should wish to be like him.

Yet Sesshoumaru had never appreciated such compliments. He wished to be unique, bold, powerful, walking an entirely different path. Her words had been strangely welcome.

"And yet here I stand, Father," Sesshoumaru uttered to himself. In love with a mortal. Dying, because of a human woman of all things.

Just like you.

"Sesshoumaru?"

Golden eyes snapped wide open. A wave of elation, dread, guilt and longing washed over him. Every fibre of his being flared to life, muscles stiffening, heart racing. His lungs constricted.

Sesshoumaru swallowed a rasping breath, shifting to face the priestess.

Kagome crept closer, glancing around the cave curiously. "Was just in the forest to collect some things. I thought I sensed you close by. Looks like I was right. What are you doing in here?"

"Nothing," he said softly. His voice sounded fragile these days.

He could tell she was confused, radiating hurt. He hadn't visited in so long. No doubt she'd wondered why. The flowers buried within his windpipe felt heavier in her presence. He cleared his throat.

"Oh," Kagome scuffed a sandal over the dirt-covered floor. "Well... I'm glad I caught you-" she offered a tentative smile. "I've missed talking with you."

Sesshoumaru's insides screamed at him. The marks on his shoulder felt like blistering iron tongues being thrust into his flesh they wailed so loud.

Mate.

"I dunno what's kept you away," Kagome continued talking, making her way out of the cave. He followed, "but you haven't missed much. Rin is progressing nicely with her riding though. I'm not too shabby with that thin sword you gave me either, though Shinto says I need more practice."

That very sent icy needles piercing his skin. Stepping foot outside, Sesshoumaru couldn't stop the abrupt bite in his tone; "why are you here, miko?"

Kagome blinked and glanced at him over one shoulder. She then threaded her fingers behind her back, attention sliding away, voice unreadable.

"Shinto proposed to me."

Sesshoumaru stopped. A profound sense of loss rendered him breathless. He anticipated a coughing fit. Wheezing. Pain. But there was nothing, just him and Kagome standing alone in the silent woods. But she'd be beyond his reach for good soon.

He'd tried. He'd tried hard to forget, as she had. To push all the feelings and words right down from his throat into his chest. Maybe that was how the curse had started.

But he'd have kept the curse for good if it meant lingering in the 'almost' fantasy of them.

Now that illusion would shatter.

The very idea of her belonging to another felt like a wound somewhere inside him that he couldn't locate. The sensation of teeth on his shoulder thrummed, and he coughed, snuffing out the sound behind his hand.

"I didn't really know what to say," Kagome was muttering. "A part of me feels like it's too soon. I wanted to talk to you about it-"

"This one is needed elsewhere," he said in a clipped tone, turning on his heel.

He couldn't be her confidant anymore. Not about this.

"What?"

He began walking, trying to put distance between them. He should've known it wouldn't work as Kagome quickly caught up and planted herself firmly in his way, halting the demon.

"Okay, what is going on with you?" she demanded. "Is it the cough? Are you in so much pain that you can't talk to me?"

Sesshoumaru flashed his teeth in a faint sneer, throat protesting at the extended use of his vocal cords. "is it so unthinkable that for once, I may not have time for you, miko?"

"Yes," Kagome planted both hands on her hips. "Because this isn't an isolated thing. I've hardly seen you all month! And besides that, you're my friend, Sesshoumaru. Friends tell each other things. Remember how you talked about the court and how obnoxious General Kito was to deal with? Things like that. I need to talk to you about this- and clearly, you need to talk to someone about whatever's going on with you. I'm worried about you!"

His heart clenched, and Sesshoumaru bit back a hiss at the stab of pain it caused. Thin breathing rasped and rattled. He raised a hand, urging her aside via a gentle grasp on her shoulder to continue walking.

Kagome's grip was not so gentle as she latched onto his arm.

Frustration abruptly burst in his chest and Sesshoumaru snarled, whirling with the intent of spilling everything to her. Ruin their friendship. Burn everything they'd built and admit his failure to protect her-

-only to cough up a mouthful of blood onto her collarbone.

Kagome yelped in surprise, eyes wide. Touching the wet substance dazedly, horror paled her complexion. She looked up at him with palpable fear.

"S-Sesshoumaru?"

Humiliation stung white-hot and burning into his body. The visceral, blinding sensation of being exposed- of being seen- felt like too much. Too raw. As a demon unused to such things, his first instinct was to remove himself from the situation.

Sesshoumaru blurred away from her outstretched hands, putting the length of the clearing between them.

Kagome called his name again with alarm, asking him to wait, but he would not heed her call.

Taking to the skies, he flew fast and erratically, a wobbly figure. Coughing hard and feeling blood clog up his windpipe like mud, Sesshoumaru had no choice but to land not long after.

Within an overcast clearing upriver from Kagome, he steadied himself against a gnarled tree.

"Hah- hah-" he wheezed, doubling over and squeezing stinging eyes shut.

Something suddenly constricted tight around his lungs, around his very ribcage. Bones protested and ached. He gasped for breath, blood leaking from his open mouth to pool on the floor. Forget-me-nots mingled with it, petals stained red.

Jolting and snapping upright, Sesshoumaru arched his back, throwing back his head. A cry escaped him unlike any other. Loud, agonised and roaring in its ferocity tinged with pain.

Stems shot out from within his ribcage, tearing his chest asunder.

---

Her friends made noises of alarm at the sight of Kagome's bloodied clothes, but the miko ignored Sango and Miroku's questions, bypassing them in favour of finding and grabbing Jaken by the scruff of his robes.

"You're going to tell me in 10 words or less what the hell is going on with your lord," she demanded.

Jaken yelped and squinted, hanging from her hold. "Haven't the faintest idea of what you could be alluding to!" he sniffed.

Kagome snarled and bared her teeth, lifting him closer with a menacing expression and gesturing to the red substance marring her priestess robes. "This is HIS blood. He looked awful. Like- like he was dying, Jaken," her voice broke. "Please. I need to know what's happening. He won't tell me what's wrong and I'm scared."

Yellow eyes rounded wider, swallowing the imp's face. He appeared conflicted.

"Kagome!"

Releasing Jaken, Kagome shifted her attention to Inuyasha, who leapt towards her with alarm pinching his gruff features.

Dread dropped low in her stomach. That was never a good sign.

Distant snapping noises like wood being felled reached her ears. From behind the approaching Hanyou within the forest, large vines could be seen shifting and slithering over a portion of the trees.

"What is it?" Miroku gaped. "I sense a demonic aura, but it's distorted."

Kagome shuddered, feeling strange. She recognised that energy. Identified it as easy as breathing.

"Maybe a forest spirit has been disturbed?" Sango guessed, clutching her son a little more protectively.

"It ain't that," Inuyasha dropped from his jump, landing before them. He panted, white hair windswept. Of all people, his gaze landed upon the miko first. "It's Sesshoumaru."

----

Their way became blocked by a thick mass of vines crisscrossing through the forest. It created a wall, preventing any from entering.

"Lord Sesshoumaru must be further in," Miroku observed, leaning to inspect the leaves. "Beyond this 'barrier' I suppose you could call it."

"I wonder what could have happened," Kagome murmured, brows pulling together. "Sesshoumaru doesn't even have nature powers."

"Why on earth did you bring ME along for this?" a high pitched, nasally voice reached their ears. Sango and Inuyasha readily ignored it, while Kagome frowned down at the imp she held by the scruff of his robes.

"Because you're clearly hiding something, and until you come clean, I'm not letting you out of my sight."

His mouth thinned into a stubborn line, glancing away.

Kagome turned her attention back to the vines. Worry took root in her stomach. The memory of the Daiyoukai spitting up blood remained fresh in her mind, evidence of it staining her clothing and plastering it against her skin.

Handing Miroku their son, Sango went first. She swung Hiraikotsu with a seemingly effortless toss- the bone boomerang spiralling, cleaving trees in half but bouncing straight off the vine wall. It didn't so much as leave a dent.

Not wasting another moment, Inuyasha unsheathed Tetsusaiga. Everyone immediately gave him a wide berth, watching as he shook the sword out into a monstrous blade. He swung it back over one shoulder, feet planted far apart- delivering a swift blow downwards with a loud cry.

A burst of power shot out, heading straight for the vines. They made contact, and for a moment Kagome thought the consuming golden light might break through, only for it to fizzle out. The insurmountable wall remained intact.

Inuyasha tried again and again, using different techniques. None of them worked.

Nocking an arrow in her bow, Kagome took aim. Pale pink reiki split forth, coating the arrow while glowing ever more blinding until she set it free.

She held out hope as it shot through the vines, managing to burst through the dense foliage- which repaired itself almost immediately, covering up the hole.

"Nothing appears to be working," Miroku muttered, turning his friends. "Perhaps we should seek advice elsewhere first before trying to continue."

Her friend's voices faded into background noise as Kagome approached the vines. Frowning slightly, she stretched out her senses, using her aura to touch and brush against the barrier. It felt like him.

If that were the case, the wall was of Sesshoumaru's own making, whether he'd consciously chosen to hide away or not. Perhaps they were going about things the wrong way.

Thinking back to Maji and how carefully they'd run their linked hands down his neck, she raised a palm. Gradually easing closer, Kagome set it down gently onto the vines, stroking downwards.

Hearing outcries of alarm as the greenery parted, only for swirling stems to curl about her shoulders- Kagome quickly grabbed Jaken.

"It's okay, guys. Just find a way to follow me in later," she met their startled gazes. "I feel like I need to reach him quickly."

"Kagome, wait!"

Ignoring their protests, Kagome lept into the fray. She welcomed the green vines that wrapped around her, enclosing the miko and wailing kappa securely behind its wall.

---

Mercifully the winding tendrils of vines that moved as though infused with a will of their own allowed her freedom of movement. Kagome climbed through their moving, twisting stems, occasionally losing her footing and having to grasp hold of some.

"Again, I ask; WHY ARE YOU BRINGING ME ALONG WITH YOU?!" Jaken shrieked, clinging to her back and looking around fretfully.

"You know the answer to that. Tell me what you know about Sesshoumaru's situation and I'll let you go," Kagome hummed, shielding her eyes and looking up at sprawling branches above where sunlight streamed through. Maybe she could punt him over the treetops.

"I have sworn not to break my vow of silence on the matter!"

Grinding her teeth, Kagome stopped and reached over her shoulder, tearing him from her back to frown at him. "If your silence ends up hurting him, is it even worth it? Which means more to you; Sesshoumaru's trust or his life?"

Jaken clamped up, thinking about this for a moment. His eyes abruptly filled with tears, "fine! But you had best save me from his wrath once this is over."

Kagome grinned and patted him on the head, continuing to walk. "I promise."

He huffed, "Lord Sesshoumaru is suffering from a curse."

Blue eyes widened, and Kagome set Jaken over her shoulder like she would Shippo. He did not appreciate the gesture as the kit would while she minded swirling vines aside from their path and ducked through. "What kind of curse?"

"How much do you know about youkai mates, foolish mortal?"

At that, she tilted her head, noticing a blue flowering bud among the vines and gently touching it in passing. "Very little. I know they're like married couples. They, uh... make love and bite each other instead of having a wedding ceremony and stuff. That about sum it up?"

"Insolent girl!" Jaken griped, noticing the bud she touched opening up into a flower behind them. "It is far more than that! Their energies synchronise, aura's linking. However, it's quite imperative they both bite one another."

"Or else the mating is incomplete? What's so bad about that?"

"The partner that was bitten will consider them mated and suffer a one-sided attachment. This isn't so terrible if they have the bite mark healed and lose their troublesome feelings towards their mate," he continued with a self-important air. Kagome didn't mind it if it meant getting answers. "But... if they choose to linger in longing and are prevented from completing the mating, then their energies become distorted! Their youki takes on a life of its own as flowers."

"That's what these vines are," Kagome mused. She shifted, a strange, unsettled feeling churning in her gut. "You're implying someone bit Sesshoumaru? He'd never allow someone to do that if he didn't want it- let alone not reciprocate. Besides, if he could remove it, he'd have surely done so."

"I agree this situation is unprecedented! Unthinkable! Besides that, ANY partner resisting Lord Sesshoumaru's advances is unworthy of being his mate! AH-!"

Kagome jolted, feeling a weight lift from her back. Glancing over her shoulder, she gaped and strained to reach Jaken. Vines had wrapped tight around his mid-section, lifting him away.

"Hang on!" she shimmied her bow off her arm, quickly taking aim. Releasing the arrow, she watched as it hit the mark, sailing through a vine and breaking it in two. Jaken yelped, falling, only to be caught by another vine that continued dragging him back the way they'd come.

"J-just leave me!" he wailed. "Go save Lord Sesshoumaru!"

Kagome blinked, strangely touched. Nodding with conviction, she turned and hurriedly continued to make her way through the dense foliage.

---

Her breath caught the second she caught sight of the flowers.

Forget-me-nots littered the area, becoming more frequent the further in she ventured. Soon she practically waded through a sea of blue petals. They hugged trees, peppering logs, the ground beneath her feet, even climbing above to hang from branches. The vast mass of familiar flowers eventually opened out into a huge clearing packed full of them.

And there, at the centre of it all, Kagome finally saw him.

Vines had burst his chest open, putting quivering lungs on full display. To her horror, she witnessed them expanding and deflating with each struggling, wheezing breath. His ribcage had been repurposed for a vase of flowers. Vibrant blue forget-me-nots poked out between his ribs, green stems tightly wrapped around his bones, constricting.

Sesshoumaru's body lay tilted back, face turned upwards to the sky. Glassy eyes were vacant, blood caking his chin. His armour and hankimono lay shattered and torn on the ground. Around him, the stems that had spilt forth from his gut propped up his lifeless form, clearly part of the mass of greenery that had hindered her approach. Kagome covered her mouth, hand shaking. Tears pricked her eyes. Blue veins visibly spread over his flesh, causing her to wonder if the stems had buried beneath his very skin.

This was not Sesshoumaru. It couldn't be.

Choking on nothing, Kagome hurried closer with a thin noise. Reaching his motionless form, her hands hovered uselessly over his decimated chest. She didn't know where to start. How could she even help him?

"Who did this to you?" her voice wobbled. Stinging eyes misted over, running over his body. He looked like a corpse that had been picked clean by crows. His moving lungs moving were the only indication he was even alive.

"Sesshoumaru- I don't know if you can hear me," Kagome tried, reaching out and touching his cheek. It shocked her skin, icy to the touch. "But please- let go of the person who caused this," she said, locating what she assumed was the mating mark upon his shoulder. "No one is worth dying over. You could start over with your mate. Ask them out- anything!" she shuddered, looking at the flowers poking out from his ribs.

"Just don't die! This isn't like you!" Kagome snapped, tears rolling hotly down her cheeks to slide free from her chin. "Fight this! Keep living. T-there's still so much I want to talk to you about."

The tears landed upon pretty blue petals.

Leaning against him slightly, Kagome sobbed. She wondered if she could just reach out and rip the awful things free from inside his chest.

Why Forget-me-nots, anyway? Why not another flower-

The mating mark halted her hand, fingers brushing the stems. It didn't look like an animal bite, nor did it belong to a demon.

Kagome's eyes slowly widened. She had a distinct tooth at the back of her mouth.

The tooth marks looked like a perfect mould of her teeth.

"Was it...me?" she breathed, glancing up at Sesshoumaru's features dazedly. "Those blank spots in my memory. Was I... with you?"

The puzzle pieces slotted into place perfectly. Kagome stared, feeling like a fool for having not noticed. She'd just thought, assumed- he would never look at her like that.

But if the miko cast her memory back and pictured Sesshoumaru's lovely features, his honeyed gaze resting upon her face, half-lidded, lips quirked, face soft and drinking her in- maybe he had been looking at her 'like that' the whole time.

Kagome shook her head, feeling frantic. She latched onto his shoulders.

"I-I'm so sorry. I'm sorry! I never meant for this to happen. Why didn't you bite me? Why didn't you TELL me, you stupid demon!" she snapped, cheeks reddening as a fresh wave of tears stung her eyes. "All that time we spent together goofing off and talking- and you were suffering in silence? You're so stupid, Sesshoumaru!"

His anguished face did not stir. Kagome mindlessly wiped away the dried blood from his chin with shaky fingers.

"There's no taking this back now," she said quietly, glancing at the bite mark. "So... I guess there's only one thing for it."

It sounded terrible, but Shinto was far from her mind as she lay a hand over her mating mark and began concentrating. When resolving to save someone, Kagome became bullheaded. Sesshoumaru was all she could see as her aura rose out from her body, seeping into his bloodstream via the bite marks.

"You need to wake up," she mumbled, using her free hand to adjust the parting of her white kosode. Sliding it off one shoulder to bare her flesh, Kagome remained heedless of the vines growing and curling around them. They seeped into her ebony hair, twining into the long locks like a lover's hands.

Kagome straddled the Daiyoukai, shuddering a little at being so close to his bare bones. She couldn't have sex with him, obviously, but she suspected it wasn't truly needed to complete the bond. Feeding her energy into his body, she bit her bottom lip. Sweat beaded on her brow.

She began to mumble and pray under her breath.

When her spiritual energy had spread through most his system, Kagome grit her teeth and hoped he'd forgive her. Laying one hand atop his rib-cage directly over his heart, she raised her voice.

"Wake up!"

A pulse of reiki shot out through her palm.

Sesshoumaru jerked beneath her. A ghastly, chocking noise escaped him. His head lolled to the side as he looked at her unseeingly, a trickle of blood welling from the corner of his pale mouth. Kagome quickly wrapped an arm around him, guiding his head to her shoulder.

"Bite down, Sesshoumaru," Kagome whispered fiercely into his ear.

Sharp canines brushed her skin, causing a shiver. Wet flecks of blood accompanied it as he coughed. Whimpering with desperation, the miko curled trembling fingers into silver hair. She pressed a kiss against his cheek.

"Please- I want this." She'd do anything to save him. Besides that, a small, buried part of her felt strangely at peace with the action and its meaning. "Bite down!"

A blood-curdling snarl vibrated out from his open chest. Fangs sank deep into her shoulder. At once, dark, dominating youki burst through her system like a shot of adrenaline. Kagome gasped, back arching. It turned her heart into a burning star. Sesshoumaru's presence filled her until she practically burst at the seams. She distantly understood why youkai had sex before biting each other, reeling from it. The orgasm probably softened the intensity. Completion was something the mind could fathom, a release, the pooling of cum inside her.

This felt overwhelming. He was everywhere. His energy burned and licked, igniting and soothing her body like burning whisky.

Kagome felt the pinpricks of fresh tears in her eyes, overcome with a hurricane of emotions she couldn't quite name. She could feel his weakness. His exhaustion. The part of him tethered to her became a lifeline between them, feeding him the energy he'd lost.

Sesshoumaru's mouth peeled back from her flesh. He panted, sinking back. Kagome caught him about the shoulders, cradling him close.

A wave of tiredness sent her sinking down against him, lashes falling shut as dizziness spun her vision.

The last thing she saw before surrendering to the lure of unconsciousness was a canopy of Forget-me-nots surrounding their weary bodies.

----

Drowsy lids slowly cracked open- wincing at the setting sun's harsh orange light peeking out from between the trees. Golden eyes averted and Sesshoumaru stirred with a dusty rumble.

Something heavy lay over his bare chest. He lifted his head.

Kagome rested against his shoulder, dark hair spilling everywhere. Sesshoumaru stared, feeling he must be dreaming. They were laying within a clearing together, which looked clear, quiet and picturesque.

Squinting, he sat up, adjusting the woman against him. Kagome sank against his side, revealing a gaping hole in his flesh, exposing his rib-cage.

Ah, that's right.

The flowers. The vines spilling forth from his chest as blood asphyxiated him, making breathing impossible.

And Kagome...

The miko had come for him. Saved him.

Sesshoumaru ghosted stiff fingers over his mouth, dragging clawed nails down to the fresh bite mark branding his shoulder. He then shifted Kagome, running an aristocratic nose to similar marks adorning her shoulder- a tongue sliding out to drag over bloodied flesh. She tasted wonderful.

Kagome groaned and wrapped her arms around him tighter, burying her face in the juncture between his neck and shoulder.

Closing his eyes, Sesshoumaru held her close and revelled in the sensation. However, he soon picked up on the far off shimmer of his barrier enclosing them within their mini safe space. He could sense Inuyasha waiting outside, along with Jaken.

Deciding to lower it, Sesshoumaru rested his lips against the crown of Kagome's head before drawing himself up to stand unsteadily, lifting her into his arms.

When Inuyasha burst into the clearing, leaves scattering and clinging to his thick white hair, he brandished Tetsusaiga, only to lower it with a raised brow.

Sesshoumaru stood clad in his hakama pants, arching a regal brow in return. He approached the hanyou and passed Kagome over wordlessly, ignoring his noise of surprise at the sight of his ribcage.

"It is healing," the demon dismissed.

"Uh, alright," Inuyasha grunted, supporting Kagome. "Should I even ask what the hell happened?"

Sesshoumaru ignored him in favour of looking at the miko. His shoulder ached, and when he drew back his heel with the intention to leave- a fresh wave of discomfort elicited a wince.

Kagome stirred, blue eyes blinking open. She then drew a hand out towards him, "where are you going?"

"This one is..." he trailed off. "I must..."

"No, you don't," she murmured. Patting Inuyasha's shoulder to prompt him to set her down, Kagome flashed her friend a smile. "Thanks for coming for me, but I need to stay with this impossible guy to make sure he heals alright."

Inuyasha eyed the bite mark on her shoulder, nostrils flaring. "You sure?"

Kagome nodded firmly.

"What do ya want me to tell Shinto if he asks where ya are?"

Guilt passed over her face, and blue eyes flicked away, before finding him again. "Just say I'm visiting another village. I need to tell him the truth myself."

Relenting, Inuyasha stepped away, shooting Sesshoumaru a warning look before reluctantly leaving them be again, feeling like the wind had been thoroughly knocked out of his sails.

The Daiyoukai watched her, stunned.

"It's crazy you're even up and walking around in your condition," Kagome rubbed at her forehead, reaching out and seizing frozen fingers. "Come on, let's find a cave to take shelter in for the night."

----

The demon lord stopped and slid unrelenting attention down to her once they reached the mouth of a cave. "What made you choose this place?"

"I dunno, it wasn't far away and it felt familiar," Kagome hummed, meeting his gaze. "Have we... used it before? In the past?"

Golden eyes cracked wider. "You remember?" he asked in a quiet, brittle tone.

She shook her head, "not at all. I just figured it out. Would've been nice if you'd told me," releasing his hand, she wandered inside, finding a bed of furs awaiting them further in, cracks of sunlight streaming in through holes in the rock ceiling. Her cheeks reddened a little, imagination running wild.

"You really scared me back there," she murmured, back turned to him. "I thought you were going to die."

"That is why you completed the mating," Sesshoumaru uttered. To save him, and for no other reason.

A part of him had hoped she'd remembered, but another had immediately recognised the sacrifice she'd made. Kagome was a selfless individual in the face of danger. If Inuyasha were dying, or any of her other friends, he wondered if she'd mate them if it meant saving their lives.

With a benevolence he did not truly feel, Sesshoumaru forced himself to prioritise her comfort. "If this is not something you wish for- there are ways of severing the bond."

"Stop," she grit out, whirling to face him. Flinty blue eyes took his breath away. "Stop lying all the time. I remember valuing your company and opinion because you were always so blunt with me. You never held back your opinions."

"I am not lying, there is a way to sever it."

"But that's not what you want! Damn it- you nearly died because you couldn't open your mouth! Just be honest for once and tell me how you're feeling, Sesshoumaru. What do YOU want?"

Energy lashed at the air, kicking up a breeze that caused dark hair to fly back. Hands closed over the back of her neck, cradling her skull. Lips were shoved against hers, smothering startled breath.

"You," Sesshoumaru breathed in a brief parting, kissing her fiercely again. His mouth slanted ardently over hers, the hint of a fang brushing her lips. "Is it not obvious I cannot abide anything but having you? Foolish woman, it is for your sake I held back. Once you submit, there is no escaping me."

Kagome gaped, unable to keep up with the sheer amount of heated kisses. Her hands settled over his arms, heat igniting her cheeks. She'd never received a kiss like it before and tentatively returned it. A small gasp and accompanying noise from him only confirmed to her how much he wanted it. She could feel the tension in his frame. He was holding back even now.

When he pulled away, she panted, thumb dragging over magenta cheek stripes. "Didn't that feel so much better than burying everything?" she teased weakly. "Even if I'd rejected you, surely that would've been better than regret- than nearly dying."

Sesshoumaru's gaze slid away. He then released a long sigh, clawed hands curling in her hair. "You seemed happy with the mercenary."

"Ex-mercenary," she corrected out of habit, leaning into his touch. "And I was. I like him. But..." Kagome looked at him. Really looked, and somehow it clicked that his face was the only one she wanted to wake up to in the mornings to follow. When had things gotten to that point? Had she wanted this while lazing on the riverbank with him so long ago? Things would've been so much more simple if she'd identified it sooner. If he'd said something.

How foolish they both were.

Stepping closer, she blushed and tilting her head back in order to ghost her lips over a firm jaw. "I like you more."

Power sparked her insides at the ensuing shudder he gave. "Mating entails more than 'liking' one another, miko. Can you deal with my extended company? Being mine?"

Kagome pretended to consider this. "For how long?"

His lips quirked. "Centuries. Possibly thousands of years."

"That's a long time," her eyes danced. "I guess I'm okay with that if you work on your communication skills."

He inclined his head gravely, dipping his nose into her hair and inhaling a lungful. It felt so good to have clear airways again.

"Sesshoumaru, there is something I want to ask you about; Why didn't you bite me? And what happened during that night I lost my memories?"

"I intended to, miko," he said with dark promise. Displeasure curled his lip. "You managed to bite me during climax. I do not think you understood the ramifications of it at the time. I would have reciprocated nonetheless. Unfortunately, my senses- brilliant as they are- sensed a disturbance in the forest. A herd of boar youkai were bolting towards your precious village."

He could scowl all he wanted about it, but Kagome knew of his attachment to Rin. No doubt they'd both wasted no further time in lovemaking and quickly made for the village.

"We fought them, tried to redirect them. You asked me to save a boy that had fallen during the village's impromptu evacuation. Naturally, I did so- but it meant leaving you alone."

Kagome winced. Her hand found the back of her head, remembering waking to a sizable bump and stitches. "They got me, huh?"

"One struck you down," Sesshoumaru uttered with a weary tone. "I did not know where you were, as we had become separated in the chaos. When I eventually found you... the mercenary was nursing your wounds."

"I remember," she said gently. A stab of sympathy clenched her heart. Stroking a hand down his bicep, she sighed. "That must've been awful, to lose me so soon after almost completing the mating. I didn't realise, didn't recall our relationship. I greeted you so casually and didn't get why you were lingering around in his hut."

"The fault is not yours," Sesshoumaru rested large hands possessively on her hips.

Kagome glanced at him, squinting. "Neither is it yours," she pressed her fingers to his lips when he opened his mouth. "Nope! Not yours. I wouldn't have wanted you to prioritise guarding me that night. If you had, that boy you saved might've lost his life. Besides, I can usually take care of myself. They caught me on a bad day."

The two fell into silence. Sesshoumaru closed his eyes, resting thin lips against the crown of her head while Kagome leaned carefully against him.

"I find it weird that we've had a whole conversation while you have a massive hole in your chest. At least I can't see your whole ribcage like before. Seems like the skin and muscle are repairing," she mumbled.

"It will heal quickly," he dismissed, palms gliding over her back.

Kagome made a soft noise, basking in his warmth. "It's also weird that this feels so natural to me," she lifted her head, catching his eye. "I might not remember us. Ever. So just... promise me you won't search for my past self in me. I've been through that before."

He swept her down into the furs, covering her form with his own. "Hn, we will live in the present."

Heat flushed her cheeks as she sank into the soft, comforting furs. Her heart fluttered, stomach jumping. "Thank you."

A silver curtain of hair blocked out their surroundings as Kagome pulled him closer, both mindful of his injury. She smiled, searching his gaze and slowly delivering a sweet kiss to his lips.

Sesshoumaru let out a long sigh of relief, their foreheads meeting.

"Hey, on the bright side..." Kagome gave him a cheeky grin. "I get to experience my 'first time' with you again."

Astonishment painted his features. A simmering, darkly satisfied look soon replaced it, transforming his face into something more raw and honest. Kagome accepted his anticipation, his hunger, not dissuading him from it. She endeavoured to encourage even more displays of emotion from him.

"You don't need to hold back," she murmured, accepting his searing kiss. "Tell me everything you've wanted to say to me since losing my memory. I don't mind."

Their energies twined once more, and the miko hooked her leg over his hip to anchor him against her without any seductive intentions. She merely wanted him close, and Sesshoumaru did not argue, burying closer to her the second he healed. Skin met skin, noses brushing.

In the hush that followed, Sesshoumaru took his lips to her ear and began talking.

End

#Sesskag #Sesshoumaru x Kagome #sesskag fanfiction #Inuyasha #Kagome Higurashi #Sesshoumaru

[ultimatebethylficlist]

Artist of the Month: August 2021

The featured artist for the month of August is a relative newcomer to the fandom, @paperdollgirl ! 

Paperdollgirl can be found on both AO3 and Tumblr.

When asked what drew her to the Bethyl fandom, she shared the following journey:

My first big ship/fandom was probably Wolverine/Rogue from the X-Man movie. I was obsessed with them and it got me into the whole older man/younger woman thing. We had the Wolverine and Rogue Dolphin Haven Yahoo Group and it was marvelous. Still have most of the stories that were posted there saved to a cd. After that I used to be very active during the good old LJ times. I was a big fan of Dr Who (9 & 10). Like everyone I cried when Rose and the Doctor were separated and also cried when they were reunited. I’m a big old sap. Some of my favorite shows during that time were Pushing Daisies, Heroes, Friday Night Lights, Veronica Mars, Psych, Dr. Who and Firefly. I even run a little Fanfiction archive for the Simon/River pairing from Firefly called CSI (Crazy Space Incest). After LJ died down I left all fandoms for a couple of years, made hardly any collages at all. There was a short revival for me during The Borgias (Cesare/Lucrezia) and the first season of GOT (Sansan). But there were years between were I didn’t touch PS at all.

Then I stumbled upon AO3, the first story I bookmarked was Sinners, Saint and Thieves for THE Folgers Commercial. Yes, I like my incest kink if my early bookmarks are any indication. That was in 2019. Then Jumanji (Alex/Bethany) and Black Panther (Shuri/Ross) happened and I kinda got into the whole older man/younger woman thing again and found my first Bethyl story. That was in August 2020. I binged a whole bunch of stories which resulted in my first Bethyl fanart, Like A Damn Romance Novel, which is still one of my favorites. So, thank you all for getting me hooked. And no, I had never seen a single episode of TWD before. After reading the first stories I googled the characters and well color me intrigued. Emily looks like a little angel and Norman is just ruggedly handsome. Almost 1 year and 31 collages later, I’m still as much in love with them as on the first day. Of course I have since watched all the Beth/Daryl scenes and boy did they deliver. And like most of my fellow Bethylers I just don’t believe their story is over. Beth‘s death made no sense whatsoever. And if these two can only get a happy ending through fanfiction and fanart so be it. The Bethyl fandom is just amazing. Everyone I met here has been nothing but kind, supportive and friendly. So thank you all for this wonderful little place of Bethyl fandom haven and letting me play in it.

For her personal list of favorite artists in the fandom, she recommends:

@gala-art

@boltthrutheheart

@littlelynxe

@attheshrineofyourlies​

“Last Man Standing” by bam_bruto on instagram (killed me. It just hit right in the feels.)

Paperdollgirl’s art feature is rather fitting since she entered into the Bethyl world a year ago in August, gracing the fandom with the unique and beautiful aesthetic she applies to her fanart. She shared these four pieces as her personal favorites:

“Like A Damn Romance Novel”

Artist’s Comment: This was the first one I created for Bethyl after binging a whole bunch of fanfiction stories. I fell in love with them from the very first sentence although I had no idea who these characters were. Naturegodess210 commented on it with: ‘That's how you know what's the superior ship. You don't have to see the show to feel the chemistry.’ And damn isn‘t that the truth.

“Watch Over You”

Artist’s Comment: I really liked how this turned out, the soft, ethereal feel, working on a white canvas is my favorite. I often get inspired by songs and the lycris just screamed Bethyl to me, so this piece came to life. I still use this piece as a desktop background on one of my computers.

“For Keep Your Hands Off The Waitress by Wallflow3r”

Artist’s Comment: I just love when a story inspires me to create a new piece. This was so much fun to make and almost put itself together without me doing much at all. It was a great opportunity to add some other characters as well. *cough*Merle*cough* The story it is based on is Keep Your Hands Off The Waitress by wallflow3r

“Be Good”

Artist’s Comment: This one is also based on a song, Be Good by Emily Kinney. I mean come on, how could I not use it. For me the collage is about Daryl honoring Beth’s memory in trying to be good for her. Trying to be the man she saw in him.

We look forward to seeing what beautiful creations Paperdollgirl has to share with the Bethyl fandom in the future! Be sure to check out her other pieces, which are all equally beautiful and unique!

#bethyl fanart #bethyl fan art #artist of the month

[fiction-fun]

Fanfiction request?? Power Rangers? If you're still doing it, :)

Sometime in the future of the time force, Jen reminisces her memories with the rangers, looking up a wall of memories, that has pictures of her and the rangers together. (It's based on a fanart i drew) the rest of the premise and story and everything is on you!!

And if you don't wanna do it, it's okay!! But thank you so much ofr listening!!!!

Hey! I am so so so sorry this took so long! I really hope this is something like what you wanted!

Fandom: Power Rangers Time Force

Pairings: past Jen/Alex, past Jen/Wes, otherwise none

Words: 1773

Warnings: None, well general Power Rangers drama

*With Jen*

Jen stared off into the distance as memories washed over her. She smiled faintly as a certain memory danced to the front of her mind.

It was the first time she had met Alex, and although even thinking his name still sent a tinge of pain through her, she still loved remembering the happy times. Like when he helped her, in the beginning. She had just joined the academy and she was a nervous wreck. But he saw in her a potential she didn’t see in herself, and helped guide her through the difficulty that was the academy and allowed her to grow.

Jen let out a small sigh, not sad exactly more wistful. Another memory flooded back to her and she shifted her grip on her helmet.

After a while Alex and her had started dating. Getting onto the same team had been like a dream, even with Alex as her superior officer. She worked hard until her and Alex could stand side by side in strength and reputation. Alex managed to capture the villain Ransik. They both, Alex and her, had attended his trial. And once he was convicted without the threat of Ransik Alex had proposed to Jen, and her accepting without hesitation.

Jen stopped for a second shaking her head, her hands shaking around her helmet even as she gripped it tighter. In her rapid hazy thoughts, she failed to hear the sound of the time portal closing.

Then one day Ransik escaped, they had been waylaid during transport and Ransik had escaped. The team had tried to chase him down but arrived in time to see Ransik shoot down Alex and jump into a time portal. Jen and the rest of the team, Lucas, Trip and Katie followed after him, on the orders of their fallen leader.

Jen let out a shaky breath and reached up to wipe her face, from the tears that had slowly been trailing down.

Meeting Wes had only set off anger in her. The pain of loosing Alex so recently and then having to go to their past and finding someone who looked exactly like her lost love. It unsettled her and upset her.

She took a deep breath, dwelling on the thoughts of how her…friendship…relationship…with Wes started, the journey and path made it an experience she’d never forget. Alex reappearing in the middle of everything didn’t exactly help the matter. Her brain started playing out another memory for her.

Alex appeared in front of them and immediately started reprimanding them for ‘Not following the rules by the book.’ she found herself questioning, did she still love Alex as much as she had? He wasn’t the same person she had fallen for, the carefree, kind and gentle man she had fallen for in the academy had been changed into a bitter and stern man. To a point shed almost call him cruel in his words and actions. But Wes who had shown them all nothing but kindness even if she hadn’t always been the nicest. Alex had immediately taken Wes’s Chrono-morpher back angrily telling him he wasn’t needed, and with his father injured like he was Wes had just left. Dragontron had been a new battle and they knew they were overwhelmed especially with Lucas rebelling against Alex’s harsher leadership. This in turn had led to Katie and Trip to confront Alex and force him to hand over the Chrono-morpher. Wes with the help of Trip, Katie, Lucas, and herself immediately went into battle against him and with Wes working with them it made the battle seem…almost to easy.

She smiled softly as more memories washed over her playing almost like a collage of images in front of her eyes. One memory swam forward and she felt the fear grip her stomach as if it had just happened.

Her fists slammed against the metal and glass of the ship as it took off. Trip was besides her as Lucas and Katie tried to get the ship to stop. Nothing they did seemed to matter. Ransik had attacked, his final battle, and to protect them Wes had locked them in their ship and forced them back to the future. Arriving in their time, the year 3000, they found Alex and all of them demanded that he send them back, that they had to go back to help Wes and Eric. Alex kept denying sending them back, even telling them that Wes ultimately dies in this battle. But that just makes them want to go back even more, and with the time rift over Silver Hills it’d be easy for them to get back. Jen finally makes the last move that ultimately sways Alex to send them back, she gives back his ring. This was the final proof that they’d do anything for their new friends and Alex told them to take Time Force MegaZord, as it was likely the only thing to be able to make the trip.

Jen gave a sigh as the rest of that memory played out not hearing the portal opening behind her.

They got back to the past in time to help Wes and Eric but only barely. Jen managed to lure Ransik away from her injured team, to a warehouse where Ransik immediately attacked who he thought was Jen, only for it to be Nadira. Realized who he had just hot Ransik immediately surrendered, not willing to risk injuring his daughter again. Jen in stunned silence arrested him, still looking at were Nadira was crouching protecting what she could barely make out to be a small baby. After that, things had to move fast, she finally admitted to Wes that she loves him and he returned it! But Jen and the other Time Force Rangers had to return to the future to place Ransik in prison. Jen and Wes shared one kiss they’re first but not last. Jen gave him her Time Force badge before leaving and watched him until they entered the time vortex to go back to their own time.

Jen shook her head; she had been in contact with Wes since then. Not often but she had, she really wished he could be there now. She sighed and shook her head again that wouldn’t be possible not after what happened when she left after hunting down the mut-orgs with the Wild Force Rangers.

She smiled at Wes as he showed up, obviously excited about seeing her. That is until she had told him she had already been there for two weeks. The. He was upset because she hadn’t told him that she was back in his time. He had gripped for a while before finally he just smiled and hugged her; they spent that night cuddled together on the animarium. The next morning, they split up into teams to go find the mut-orgs. After stopping the reaction in the reactor and taking down the remaining mut-orgs, Jen and Alyssa having taken out one already, they all returned to the floating island in the sky for a picnic. The next evening when Trip, Lucas, Katie, Ransik, Nadira and her had to return to the future Wes pulled her aside. He told she meant the world to him, but that he couldn’t handle the long distance. It was to much for him, she understood it would be too much for anyone. They parted nicely but it still stung to think about for her.

She smiled sadly as the memories washing over her started to slow down a bit.

Trip had ended up going back to his own home planet after the mut-org mission, but he kept in touch with his friends and teammates. So, when he got word that the Time Force powers and Morphers were going to be switched out for better powered ones, he knew Jen being an instructor and most attached to her current Morpher would be the one most affected. The others still did cases but less so then Jen. He immediately grabbed Circuit and found a ship that would take him back to earth, reaching where Jen was, he saw her totally out of it. He stood next to her watching the emotions play over her face he could almost tell each memory that she was reliving. He made his decision to go get the others, when he saw a tear trail slowly down her face. In a second, he had a time portal open and had headed to Lucas, the one closest to them in the time stream.

*With Trip ~ back to the top*

Getting to him hadn’t been easy, but convincing him to come get Katie Wes and Eric with him had been easy. Back into the time stream for Katie, they got her and Wes and Eric easily, although the last two did have to make some arrangements before leaving.

*with everyone*

The five of them reappeared behind Jen as she seemed to shake herself out of her memories.

“Hey Jen!” Trip called softly.

His sudden voice surprised her and made her jump and turn around, her eyes going wide as she took in the whole team.

“Hey, what are you all doing here?” Jen asked still a bit stunned to see them there.

“Well, someone.” Lucas paused for a second to point at Trip. “heard about the power refit and came to see you before coming to get us. Said something about you ‘needing friends for support’ although he could have chosen a better time to come get me. The middle of enemy territory not the best time.” Lucas said a small smirk.

Trip rubbed the back of his neck but Katie interrupted him before he could speak.

“At least he didn’t catch you in a…hmm…personal situation.” Katie said good naturedly with a gentle smile.

Trips face darkened scarlet and even Lucas turned a light red.

“Honestly he interrupted a meeting I was happy to leave” Wes said with an easy-going smile.

“Speak for yourself! I was having fun running the newbies through training.” Eric said with a smile of his own.

Jen couldn’t help but laugh as she walked the few steps over to her team, no her friends. They all shared hugs and told stories. Jen knew even with things changing, some things never would. She smiled softly feeling Wes’s arm land on her shoulders. They might not have ended up together for obvious reasons, but she knew he’d always be in her corner, and she in his. The team had become friends and from friendship had born a family that nothing, not even something so minor as 1000 years could break apart.

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