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sensitive-charmy · 2 years

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I really want to share my experience with KH and how I got into it since I know everyone’s stories are so unique. KH is the one and only passion I’ve had that carried from my childhood well into my adulthood. There are things I liked as a kid that I still like now. But nothing touched me to the degree that KH has. And it’s amazing to me just how long it has stuck with me. It’s amazing to me that I still think about it literally every day of my life. So here’s my very long, unnecessary, personal story.

I had just started middle school and became very close with my new friend (we’ll call her Jessica for the sake of privacy). Jessica lived right up the street from me, and we would go over to each other’s houses every single day after school and play video games. I wasn’t much of a gamer myself. I always had video games growing up, but I was never really good at them and didn’t take it too seriously. Jessica had a burning passion for video games, though. And that’s just how we bonded.

Jessica had Sora’s crown necklace. And one day, I asked her what it was. And I guess she had the realization that we play video games together every day, and somehow, I didn’t know about Kingdom Hearts. She demanded I go over to her house and play because “it’s a Disney game,” and I was “sure to love it.” Once Friday hit, I went to her mom’s house and started playing. I had very little experience with Japanese culture or anime. I was never allowed to watch or play Pokémon, Yu-Gi-Oh, Dragon Ball, Naruto or anything of the sort. I had a very toxic impression that anime was “bad” and therefore, I was highly disgusted by Japanese animation. When Simple and Clean started playing and I had to sit through that trippy opening sequence, I was very turned off towards KH. I thought this was gonna be about Disney movies? I thought this was about Disney princesses? Not anime boys. I voiced my discontentment, and Jessica’s mom said to me, “Just play until you meet Donald and Goofy. That’s when the game actually starts.”

I don’t know if it was the combination of both Jessica and her mom forcing me to play or if I genuinely enjoyed playing it or if I just felt pressured to say I liked it. I don’t remember exactly what I was feeling after having met and Donald and Goofy. But apparently, I told my dad about it, and he immediately bought both KH1 and KH2 for me.

I remember really struggling to beat Riku in the race and thinking I had to win. It was very difficult for eleven-year-old me who was (and still is) very bad at video games. It took me about two years to finish KH1 simply because I milked it for all it was worth and really took my time exploring every single inch of every world. I loved that game. And it holds a very, very special place in my heart considering it was the first video game I ever completed by myself. In the time that it took for me to beat KH1, Jessica moved out of the city and we lost touch. I never got the chance to tell her just how much Kingdom Hearts meant to me. We barely had the chance to bond over it at all since I fell in love with it in slow motion. But I still think about her every now and then, think about how much this silly little game still means to me, and I wonder if she still loves it too.

It took me about a year to finish KH2 for the same reason. I played and played and played those games like I’ve never played a video game before or since. Neither one of my sisters played Kingdom Hearts. And none of my friends did either. I had absolutely no one to talk to about it, which is really why I remained oblivious to any “spin-offs” that had been or were currently being made. I grew up in a very sheltered home where YouTube and the internet was not allowed to be explored (not to mention that YouTube barely had much footing at the time).

I had made my own binder cover with images from KH and paraded it around school proudly, waiting for the moment that someone would recognize it and strike up conversation with me. It finally happened one day around 2012 when someone said, “Have you played Birth By Sleep?” I said, “No…?” because I had never heard of that. And they said, “Oh, that sucks. I guess you’ll never know who Roxas really is.” (Because people were theorizing that Roxas was Ven’s Nobody at the time.) Of course, I freaked out, and decided to look up this stuff on my own. I found that Chain of Memories, 358/2 Days, and Birth By Sleep had all been released and that I had no clue what their stories were about at all. Panic set in as I realized they were all on different consoles. Even though I already had a GBA, a DS, and a PS3, my silly child brain thought it was completely illogical to ask for video games. I never brought it up with my parents. And I basically forced myself to suffer. I thought, “I have to know these stories. But I can’t play these games. I’ll have to just watch cutscenes and read Wikipedia articles.” And that’s exactly what I did, lol. I braved the world of YouTube and looked up KH cutscenes and consumed the games in that fashion, especially since Let’s Plays were still a very new and foreign concept. (And people who did Let’s Plays were typically very vulgar and inappropriate, and I was a good child, lol.) The exact same thing happened when Dream Drop Distance was released. I remember walking around Best Buy with my dad and seeing the poster. He said to me, “Do you want that game?” And I didn’t want to be a burden. I didn’t want my dad to have to spend $60 on a video game plus however much the 3DS was. And I knew I wouldn’t play any other games on the 3DS except DDD. So I said, “No, it’s just a spin-off. It doesn’t matter to the story. And 3D makes me sick.” So he didn’t buy it for me. And I forced myself to suffer in the same way, watching cutscenes on YouTube and silently wishing I could’ve just played it myself.

In 2013, the only thing that mattered to me was the official announcement of KH3. Honestly, that announcement rang so loud it my ears, it drowned everything else. I somehow managed to miss the fact that 1.5 was released even though its trailer was coupled with the KH3 announcement. I literally didn’t even realize 1.5 was a thing until the end of 2013. And I had this incredibly dumb thought that it was gonna cost hundreds of dollars because it was “three gaming experiences in one package.” Stupid dumb little Lea who had no idea how to navigate the internet or any information. I still had this idea that the KH “spin-offs” were unavailable to me due to money (even though I already had a PS3. Seriously. Stupid dumb little Lea.) So once I learned about 1.5, I decided the best way to consume it was once again through YouTube.

Enter: SkywardWing

I found his Road to Kingdom Hearts III series and watched the hell out of it. Every morning before school while eating breakfast, I’d watch the most recent episode he uploaded. Finally, I got to see what Re:Chain of Memories gameplay looked like. Finally, I got to the heart of 358/2 Days. Finally, I was able to live vicariously through Sky. Finally, I had someone else to “interact with” about KH. Even though I am a very passive lurker and rarely comment on videos or interact in large ways on the internet, I felt like Sky was a friend. I’d readily consume every single theory or fun video he’d make leading up to KH3. And of course I watched the other Key Keepers as well, but none hit as close to home as SkywardWing. Without him, I genuinely wonder if my love for Kingdom Hearts would’ve eventually tapered off. Waiting for KH3 was such a long process, I wonder if I would’ve eventually lost the love and passion if I didn’t see his videos on my feed every day.

In April of 2014, I was having a very bad week. It’s a long story and not worth telling here, but the tipping point was when my friend was trying to help me out and asked if I wanted to go to a drive-in theater with her and her family to see the new Captain America movie. Captain America is my favorite superhero, and I always wanted to go to a drive-in, but this week in particular, my mom had an iron grip on me and told me I couldn’t go. I genuinely don’t think I’ve ever been so mad at her, especially considering I was plenty old enough to make my own decisions. My dad must’ve felt really bad for me because he went out and bought 1.5 for me completely unprompted.

When 2.5 released later that year, I didn’t have to ask my dad for it. He knew how much I loved 1.5. Of course, KH2 got put on the back burner. I played BBS first. Do you know how long I had been waiting for the opportunity to play that game myself? Aqua, Terra, and Ven felt like old friends who I hadn’t seen in years. That’s still one of the most magical memories in my life.

Some time passed, and my sister’s husband introduced me to his friend who really loved Kingdom Hearts, and he became my boyfriend. Kingdom Hearts was the glue that kept the two of us together. The relationship was not healthy, but I really clung to the fact that he liked Kingdom Hearts. I didn’t have any friends who played these games. I didn’t know anyone who cared anywhere near as much as I did. It was so important to me that my boyfriend played them and enjoyed them as much as me. I didn’t wanna let that go, so I held on much longer than I should’ve. We were dating when 2.8 came out, so he came over to my house and played with me because we were both incredibly excited. My boyfriend and I broke up shortly after (thank goodness). And cue more impatient waiting for KH3.

By 2019, I was dating a different boy. He had never played KH a day in his life, but he respected that it meant so much to me. He came over on release day and happily watched me play KH3 for hours. I’d give him the controller during the mech segments in Toy Box because he loved first person shooters. That day will forever be etched in my heart. That was the day I had been waiting for for so long. I don’t think I’ll ever forget it and all its emotions.

I look back and find it silly that I was dating one boy when 2.8 came out and then a different boy when KH3 came out and now I’m not involved with anyone. I sometimes wonder if I’ll be with someone else whenever KH4 finally releases and I laugh to myself. I can count on one hand the amount of people I’ve personally met who have played these games. And none of them had long-lasting impacts on my life except for Jessica and my initial introduction to the series. I am once again at a point where I don’t have anyone in my personal life to talk to about it. But making this blog and reading y’all’s posts has been monumental. I love hearing what everyone has to say, everyone’s experiences and opinions. This silly little video game means so much to me. And I’m glad to know I’m not the only one who feels this way.

#doubt this will get any notes but here’s some personal info about my life and kh experience #maybe I’ll make a follow up to this post because I really didn’t even say half of what I wanted to #no joke y’all this silly video game changed my life #kingdom hearts #kh #long post #personal story #personal

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loveatfirstwriteblog · 3 years

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A Complete Analysis of Harry Potter

Like a lot of kids, we probably grew up on Harry potter. We were obsessed and rightly so. The universe created in the world of Harry Potter was, and is, a hugely successful one because of the fact it gave kids a world where magic exists! It seemed to be a great world to live in and it made even better with the fact that it included elements of empowerment, Whether it be showing girls can be just as successful if not more in various pursuits(Hermione), or the fact that even if you have a history of bad events, you can have a good heart(Hagrid), Harry Potter teaches us a lot.

JKR has written a mind-blowing plot in a world of magic, wizards, witches, wands, potions, friendship, love. Our inner-five-year olds--and actually most of our young adult selves too--jumps around excitedly at the beautifully penned words that creates an exit out of this world and into one where magic does exist.

As you get older, though, you begin to think of Harry Potter in a more critical fashion. The thought of “oh my god, it’s magic” no longer completely overrides my mind, but more of “but what are the laws regarding this? Can people just do this whenever they want? Are there no ethics?”

No matter how much we’re going to expose the flaws and plot holes in HP now, we’ll always love the books--we grew up on them! But some things just niggle you as you get older, and that’s what we’re going to be focusing on in this post.

Something I adore about the HP books is that everyone, including the “good guys”, has flaws. Harry has a “save the world alone, do first, think later” complex, a driving force that makes him go save Sirius, Ron is very, very insecure to a point where he ditches Harry twice, probably when Harry needed him the most, Hermione is a judgemental, narrow-minded nag (her thoughts on Luna, divination, Trelawney, basically anything that doesn’t fit her black and white world), Molly Weasley is misogynistic and blatantly favourites her children—probably being one of the main factors behind Ron’s insecurities, Arthur is condescending towards Muggles and makes several comments you cringe at while reading the books as a young adult/adult, Sirius, Snape, and Lupin still haven’t let go of their childhood grudges and hatred, etc etc etc.

These flaws are what make these characters so three-dimensional, so layered, so human. But the problem was, most of these flaws are never intentionally acknowledged. And honestly, that could have been such a good character arc, because the main characters are mostly students. No student is the same through their teenage years—they change, they evolve, they get over their flaws, they try to better themselves. I would have loved to see Ron becoming his own person, Hermione opening her mind up a little, etc.

Neville is not one of my favourites, but I love his growth and development, from someone who was scared of his potions professor to a man who faced down Lord Voldemort. Ginny Weasley could have had character development, from the trauma she went through in second year, but that was never written in. She went through this terrifying ordeal when she was only twelve years old, and jump to a year or two later and she’s absolutely fine, with no transition from her trauma whatsoever.

Some of JKR’s characters are brilliantly written and fleshed out, but some of her others lack the structure and complexity that usually comes with being vital to the plot—Ginny Weasley for one. Her internalised misogyny also plays a huge part in the way her female characters are written. We see this again in the case of how she wrote the character of Ginny.

Ginny Weasley is not a favourite of ours (if you don’t know that by now). She feels a lot like a convenient male daydream—when she waits for Harry to notice her by dating other guys, gets annoyed by Hermione “not knowing quidditch”, etc etc—and fits the “not like other girls” archetype too much, almost like she was made for it (hint hint). She’s portrayed to be strong-willed, spunky, and independent, and I love the idea, but I really don’t see it. To me, she’s a very shallow character, the least fleshed out one.

Just like James Potter wasn’t necessarily redeemed just because JKR said he was, and Ginny isn’t interesting just because JKR writes that she is.

Hermione also fits the archetype, but she’s JKR’s self-insert, so we really can’t say much about that.

To make things worse, Ginny and Hermione are pitted against each other in a very subtle way. Ginny is the sporty, pretty, flirty girl who’s never single from book 4. Hermione is the not-conventionally-attractive, nerdy girl who’s had a few dates here and there but never a relationship. They’re very different characters (the only thing they have in common is the archetype) but they’re against each other in the defence of Harry.

Another place where JKR’s misogyny shows up is the way other girls are written. Lavender Brown is shown as vapid and immature, just because she likes clothes and boys and didn’t know how to handle her first relationship. Cho Chang is perceived as shallow because she’s emotional. Pansy Parkinson is seen to be throwing herself at Draco Malfoy. The Weasleys hated Fleur because she was beautiful and sexy and French, and that was ever really resolved in the end (Molly accepted her, but we never got Ginny’s and Hermione’s opinions again). You see where we’re getting at? The typical “girly girls” are portrayed as insipid, shallow, emotional, and boring, while girls like Hermione and Ginny are seen to be fun and multilayered.

The problems with Harry Potter don’t just stop with non-fleshed out characters. There are plot devices that go unacknowledged, issues like blood purity—which is the basis of Voldemort’s tyranny—are never really resolved, huge Chekhov’s guns that aren’t fired.

A common misconception, which if cleared up could probably expose a load of problems in wizarding society by itself, is that the wizarding world is racist. It’s not racist. Muggles and Muggleborns are not a different race, they’re a different class, at least according to pureblood wizards. Mudblood is a classist insult (a direct reference to nobility blueblood and aristocracy).

Another factor that wasn’t talked about but made the HP world so complex and realistic is the inherent classism in every single pureblooded wizard, including the Weasleys.

The “Light” wizards all operate on the notion “at least I don’t kill or torture Muggles”. The Weasleys refuse to talk about Molly’s squib cousin who’s an accountant, the Longbottoms were so desperate for Neville to not be a squib they nearly killed him trying to force magic out of him, Ron makes fun of Filch for being a squib, thinks house-elves are beneath him, and confounds his driving instructor in his mid-thirties, the ministry workers kept obliviating that muggle at the quidditch World Cup, etc.

This could have been a metaphor for how small prejudices and microaggressions (kind of the wizarding equivalent of white privilege) enable discrimination and murder, if JKR had actually acknowledged it.

The parallel to Nazi Germany is very twisted and definitely shouldn’t be taken too far, but the Nazi ideology grew on the basis of everyday antisemitism, “that’s not that bad” little things. Voldemort’s circle and army grew because the wizard superiority complex festered and blew up in some people, egged on by a deeply classist society.

Ultimately, Harry Potter has very, very shoddy worldbuilding, the kind of worldbuilding that’s obsessed with answering the “what” of the wizarding world, rather than the “how” or the “why”, which is strange, considering that fantasy or dystopian-era novels’ driving plots and conflicts are usually answering the questions the worldbuilding raises--The Hunger Games and The Shadowhunter Chronicles are two of the best examples of brilliantly written YA fantasy and dystopian novels.

In HP, however, the main plot just avoids the questions the worldbuilding brings up like the bubonic plague.

Voldemort’s agenda is built on prejudice towards Muggles and Muggleborns, but the plot just validates the negative perception of them—at the end of the day, being a wizard is what’s special. The Statute of Secrecy is the foundation of the main concept—blood supremacists believe wizards shouldn’t be hidden away—but only vague, barely-there answers are given to why it exists (a Chekhov’s gun that was never fired).

There are love potions that function like date rape drugs (even Harry was given one by a girl who wanted him to ask her out), potions that force people to tell the truth, potions that literally let you disguise yourself as another person, but the ethics are never talked about, and the laws are so lax that three twelve-year-olds broke them and were never caught.

But at the same time, the worldbuilding is so authentic, because it transforms the wizarding world into straight-up fridge horror. The everyday horrors are just accepted and rolled with. A corrupt government, constant obliviation of Muggles, slavery that isn’t even talked about. These things aren’t obvious to us as readers, or to the wizards as characters, because they match up to the real world, which is filled with things that are horrifying if you dig deeper. The multiple, normalised forms of abuse, police brutality, the violence in prisons that nothing is done about, the glaringly obvious cultural problems we have with consent, etc.

The abusive authoritative figures in HP, like Rufus Scrimgeour, Cornelius Fudge, Dumbledore, Umbridge, etc, are so authentic because real-life politicians and people in high places of power behave that way, and their abuse is excused.

The wizarding world is just like the real world. Corrupt, prejudiced, messed up, but if you’re privileged, or at least have certain privileges, you’re probably not going to notice. The ultimate problem is that the plot doesn’t acknowledge a lot of fridge horror things are messed up either, which is why it miserably fails.

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spiltscribbles · 3 years

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How would you do a wolfstar fic based on the way I loved you by taylor swift? from remus' pov :)

~Notes: OMFG Nonny! I need you to understand that this ask threw me back to my Twilight days when I’d watch endless edits of Bella/Edward and this particular one with this song where for some reason Edward was both guys lksajghdsfjoieagh God what a time😂 So thank you and here’s a HC of how’d I write it becs I sorta hate all my writing rn rip fklsdghasdgh But JFC it got so fucking long!!! I’M SO SORRY!

So It would be a muggle AU, non linear sort of thing where you’d see Lily and Remus just hanging out in his house on boxing day of their sixth year. And they’re shuffling through photos of themselves and friends at Hogwarts. And Remus kind of just stops at this one, particular photo from second semester of last year, when he and Sirius were still going out.

James and Lily are in the background smiling straight on the camera, but the focus is mostly where Remus and Sirius are completely oblivious to the photo, and it’s obvious that Sirius is trying to drag him onto his lap, and Remus’s head is thrown back in laughter, and Sirius is looking at him in that grossly besotted way that softens his gorgeously angular features, and it’s just an absolute deluge of emotions for Remus.

So flashback

They first met when the marauders were auspiciously roomed together as young lads in Hogwarts, and Remus grew up in a quiet coastal town in the north of Wales where everyone knew everyone, and English was actually the second language, and to put it simply, being thrown into that space with the chaotic duo that are James and Sirius was a culture shock. Even Peter— who’s plummy and who comes from a fine, upper middle class family and is at least familiar with them in the way that the patrician always are aware of one another. So Remus automatically felt like the odd boy out.

But that night, when he wakes up because he misses his Mam and Da, he finds the tallest boy— the one with striking pale eyes and an air of superiority that kind of got on Remus’s nerves, sitting on the windowsill and up at the stars— his namesake in particular. And so Remus joins him and tells him the love story of the moon and the sun that was his Mam’s favorite and it’s the first time they feel something neither of them know the name for quite yet.

Throughout the subsequent years the marauders grow as close as family, a brotherhood of sorts. But they all know there are different manifestations of friendships within them. There’s Sirius and James who are the boisterous, bombastic ones that always seek the spotlight, and who can finish each others sentences and who cheer one each other along when it comes to their rowdiest of pranks. There’s Peter who’s always been intimidated by Sirius, and thankful for James’s friendship and comfortable with Remus because he’s the only one who never teased him. Then there’s James and Remus where they’ve always been impressed by one another, James because he knows Remus comes from humble beginnings and is bright in the way he works for everything he has and it’s never doubted he deserves it. And Remus is impressed over how much and how deeply James loves and cares about his chosen people, how he can inspire a crowd so effortlessly. But then, probably most peculiarly to Remus is his relationship with Sirius.

He doesn’t mean to sound rude or ungrateful, but his string to Sirius is a relationship that absolutely eclipses all the others. It’s quiet in it’s intensity, but persistent like a heartbeat. It’s nights they spend trading stories by moonlight, and afternoons quizzing each other by the fire even though Sirius has always been naturally brilliant and Remus knows he’s just humoring him, but doesn’t call him on it because he hates the thought of it ending. It’s also evenings when James is at extra footie practice that Sirius teases him for, and Peter’s at chess club, and it’s just the pair of them, existing in each others space, doing whatever they want because it’s enough just to have the other there.

Remus is confused in third year when Sirius got especially pissy because Remus began hanging out more and more with the girl James has always targeted to being a know-it-all. And Remus was cross right back because they don’t even know Lily, and she’s a nice girl, and the only other Northerner like him in their entire year, and Sirius has no reason to be cross at him making a friend outside the marauders.

But then he got even MORE confused when Sirius asked him if he liked her. And Remus literally laughed out loud, which made Sirius scrunch his face sourly which just looked funny because his features are far too gorgeous to be put in such a nasty expression. And it’s nearly five minutes later when he catches his breath and tells Sirius that he and Lily are just friends and only friends. Comparing her to a sister, which became truth in the following years.

And it’s like a snap of the fingers when Sirius immediately smoothes out his face and grins cockily once more, and makes Remus promise that they don’t date any girls unless the others all approve. And Remus isn’t sure why Sirius’s intense focus on his love life makes something peculiar unfurl in his gut but he ignores it and shakes Sirius’s still too large hand— like a puppy needing to grow into his palms. And then they write up a contract and make James and Peter sign along with them in the codenames they came up with last year. Prongs for James because his hair is something gravity defying, Wormtail for Peter because of his pet rat, Padfoot for Sirius because of him asking sodding Minerva McGonagall— their head of house— if she was on her time of the month— as a first year when she gave him and James three weeks detention for a crude prank. And Moony for Remus who constantly got lost in his books and in his daydreams that it takes the others multiple times calling his name for him to be brought back to earth.

Remus kept the contract in his lovage, but never bothered to pull it out fourth year when Sirius suddenly became very, very aware of his good looks, and high social standing, and how any girl attracted to men would chew off her own leg to get a date with him— well save for the possibly only exception that is Lily Evans. And Remus had to just deal with it, and he did. He didn’t know why Sirius and his frequent, but short lasting flings got under his skin so thoroughly. It’s not like he’s annoyed over Peter and his girlfriend Eloise or how James is still going out with a couple different girls even though he’s near constantly flirting with Lily. And it’s not like the ones Sirius decides to go out with are annoying or anything. He really likes most of them. Like Marlene is absolutely hilarious, and Maci has the same world history class with Remus so they studied together a lot. And the rest have perfectly fine attitudes. It’s just— It’s just Sirius begins sleeping more often through the night instead of swapping stories with Remus, and isn’t readily available for whenever Remus needs to take a walk in the woods because he’s becoming full of anxiety over just about everything, and it’s just— He just misses Sirius a lot.

And Remus thinks he’s an idiot because why the fuck does he feel so territorial towards one of his best friends? Why doesn’t he act this way towards James or Peter or even Lily. He doesn’t ever feel this ridiculous, clawing emotion. Something he only calls by name, jealousy, when it’s late and quiet and he’s all alone. And Remus panics because he has no idea what this means, what or why he feels this way. Because he’s not a poof?? Is he? It’s not like he’s ever been especially interested in girls or their knickers, and if the other fifteen year old boys around him is anything to go by, that’s odd. But it’s not as if he’s especially interested in any other blokes either— anyone besides Sirius. Sirius and his artfully tousled black hair that tumbles down the nape of his neck and just a couple inches above his shoulders. and his piercing eyes that always seem as if they can look right into Remus’s soul and sift through all his points of diffidence. Sirius who’s always been there for Remus in ways Remus never even expected, even knew how to ask for. The boy who brings him hot chocolate on days his migraines are especially awful, and who always begs the Matron to stay over on the nights Remus is just forced to stay in the hospital wing when he has a flare up, and who always knows to ask the caretaker for a spare blanket at the start of every term because he knows Remus is always cold but would never dare ask himself. And God, just why does it have to be Sirius!

Strangely enough, it’s Sirius who answers the question in a non direct sort of way at the end of their fourth year when Remus asks him why he broke up with Isidora so publicly and a bit callously while they’re sitting on the balcony of the astronomy tower, trading their flask of gin that Sirius snuck away from his parent’s house over easter, staring down at the grounds and the lake and it’s a beautiful night, and Remus only sorta feels it how his heart twists while Sirius sits so close. And once the question spills out his lips, Sirius peers down at him in a very subdued, very weighty sort of way and he simply says, “she’s not you Moons.”

And it’s like Remus’s heart just freezes, refuses to continue beating with the shock, with the somber words spoken without an ounce of humor. And part of him is just waiting for the joke, for the other shoe to drop. He’s just waiting for the overdone hand to his chest, and lips pretending to pucker for a smooch. He’s waiting for the ground to return but Sirius doesn’t move, and maybe this means that this is real, that it isn’t just in Remus’s head. so all he says is a simple, “oh” and the next thing he knows is that Sirius kisses him right then and there, and it’s beginning to shower from above, and the kiss is a bit hard for his liking— more teeth than lips and a tongue that slips in with fervor— but Remus wouldn’t stop it for all the money in the world. Wouldn’t ever let go of his grip on Sirius’s broad shoulders, or move away from where Sirius’s arms are snaking around his narrow waste. Would pay anything just to constantly feel the weight of Sirius over him like this for forever.

He doesn’t know for how long they lied their in the pouring rain, just exchanging slow, lingering snogs, and tender touches that feel like a thousand flames. But Remus probably should’ve expected that the next morning, while they’re all preparing to board the train, Sirius doesn’t catch his eye or ever really speak to him. And that’s fine. Remus has been questioning his sexuality for a while now. Maybe Sirius is just confused or just nervous because they’ve been friends for so long. So he doesn’t mind. Ends up splitting his time on the train with the boys and with Lily and it’s all alright. When he gets home, he types Sirius a letter explaining to him that it’s fine, that they can take things slow, that they don’t have to call it anything yet, and he toys with that patch on his neck that’s still purple from Sirius’s mouth and he’s actually elated with the idea of it.

Sirius doesn’t answer the email

And he doesn’t answer the one after that either, or the ones that follow. And Remus eventually takes the hint when he gets a email from Peter who’s holidaying in France and asks Remus how hard he laughed from Sirius’s story about how he nearly pulled the mum of the latest London bird he’s shagging that he wrote them about. And Remus is equal parts embarrassed and self rebuking. Because he’s such an idiot, Sirius was probably annoyed from his constant emails like he’s some jilted ex lover, like the girls he pulls along. And Remus is really a fucking idiot. So he rings Lily and they meet at a pub that’s equidistant from both of them, and he didn’t have to tell her what happened because she’s really just a genius, so they drink the night away and he swears off love and she swears to kick James in the Bollocks at least once this year, and it’s the first time all summer Remus laughed.

By the time they got to fifth year, Remus had ranted enough to Lily that he was over it— well erm, mostly at least. It still hurt like nothing else when he first spotted Sirius on the train, looking taller and leaner and tanner and just sexier as all get out. ANd it makes something ugly twist in his gut, laughing at himself over thinking that a practical demigod would be interested in someone who prefers books to most people and who has to wear charity shop clothes when he’s not in his school uniform and just— He’s an idiot. So when Sirius steps into the cart with Remus, James and Peter, and his look of contrition tosses to Remus a beat passes. And it’s quickly willed away when Remus just smiles warmly, tries to silently tell him not to worry about it, and asks out loud if he’d like a chocolate frog.

And it’s normal, it’s fine, the first weeks of term are typical as ever for the boys. They commit pranks on the creepy wankers like Snape and Avery. And they laugh at James’s latest failed attempt to woo Lily. And they spend all nighters in the library and celebrate with pickup games of footie. And it’s pretty bloody brilliant, but then Sirius’s birthday hits, and they plan a surprise for him on the astronomy tower in the middle of the night, filled with food and drinks and friends. ANd Remus gets the key as prefect, and Peter sneaks in the booze with his free afternoon off and James make sure that everyone they like is there to celebrate the greatest git they all know. And Sirius is so, so happy when he sees it. Wich of course he is, Remus knows how difficult his parents are, how lonely he can get over the breaks without the lads. So he’s so, so happy to see that look of mirth twinkling in Sirius’s pale eyes, and he does everything he can to make it so Sirius is laughing all night long.

But towards the end, no matter how much he wants to make it the best night for Sirius, he just has to get away from the sight of Sirius dancing obscenely with Florence Whittemore. Because he doesn’t have to be a damn martyr.

He goes to a private nook on the rooftop, and pulls out the pre-rolled spliff to light up, only sorta surprised when Sirius makes his way to him— far away from the crowd and away from the music. And he plops down on the step right under his, obviously loaded and smiling like the sun, crooning “Moony,” over and over again and Remus can only dimple down indulgently at him, carding his hand through Sirius’s hair gently, spurred on by the drinks and the weed and just by that quiet, unassuming love he has held for him like a torch all these years.

“Did you wear my favorite sweater on purpose?” Sirius asks, a bit slurred, tilting his head so it rests on Remus’s shoulder and he can feel the tendrils of his warm breath brushing against his neck, and Remus suddenly feels like he’s on fire again.

And he looks down at the green sweater he’s got on, a gift from his Mam for his fifteenth last year and the one that he was wearing the first night Sirius kissed him. So, yeah maybe Remus wore it subconsciously precisely because of that. But he’d never tell him.

And neither of them could say who leaned forward first, but they were kissing again and it still feels like everything splendid and like Remus’s mind is melting right out of his head and it’s so fucking miraculous.

But then they hear a coughing and they spring apart in panic, only to meet Lily’s shrewd, green eyes and she’s glaring at Sirius like she could scorch a whole right through him. And she tells them that there’s a Filch sighting and they need to get to the dorms pronto.

Sirius scrambles up, looking at them panicky like he doesn’t know what to say, but then Remus tells him to hurry along because he and Lily—as Prefects— are the only ones who won’t get in trouble for being out. And Sirius looks at Remus like there’s a thousand things he’d like to say, but nods soberly and sprints away, and Remus is objected to Lily’s silent, judgmental worrying for their entire track back downstairs.

Remus isn’t surprised when Sirius tells them all that he’s dating Florence now over breakfast, and Peter gazes at him in aw at pulling the fittest girl in their year, and James claps his back hardily and talks about the double dates they can go on now since he’s still dating Jeanette. As if James isn’t glancing back at Lily even as he’s speaking it, and as if Sirius isn’t peering over apologetically to Remus as if there was ever anything between them.

However, what does surprise Remus is when late that night, Sirius pads over to his bed in the middle of the night like they haven’t done since they were both 14, and they’re lying down, not looking at each other before Sirius kisses him again and Remus lets himself enjoy it, let himself melt into him. But then he remembers the pretty blonde girl who he’s actually dating and it hurts like nothing else when he tells him the next night when Sirius makes the same track to his bed that they can’t do anything because they’re going to ruin their friendship and he has a girlfriend and Remus just can’t. So Sirius nods, tells him he’s always been the best of them, and kisses his forehead before returning to his own bed. And Remus silently refutes the comment because he hates not letting himself even get the scraps.

So Sirius dates Florence for the next month or so, and Remus puts up with it because of course he does. Because if it’s Sirius’s friendship or nothing at all, he’d always pick the former. Would always want Sirius to be with him in anyway possible. But then over winter break he officially runaways from his barmy ancestral home and goes off to James’s house in the countryside. And he texts Remus, begging him to come visit for New Year’s Eve. So Remus does, even gets Lily to tag along.

And once they get there, Sirius just smacks a big one on him in front of literally a whole house of people— including James and James’s Parents and all the Potters’ friends— and he tells him that he loves him and that he doesn’t want to pretend they’re only friends anymore, and Remus is blushing and grinning, and he thinks that Sirius is the maddest bloke he knows and he loves him to.

And it’s good between them, it’s remarkable. Sirius is passionate about every aspect in his life so it’s no surprise how remarkable of a boyfriend he is, how his every splendid gesture is large and vivacious and vibrant in ways Remus can’t even describe.

But the thing is that Remus is just simply not like that, has never been loud or commanding a presence. When he’s the leader of something like a prank execution or a school project, he prefers to get input from the others, make them think they did an equal amount of work even if Remus was the one behind it all. He’s always been reserved, quiet. And it’s not that he’s shy, it’s just he doesn’t ever see a reason to make a big show out of everything. And Sirius has known him for over half a decade now, so Remus assumes that he gets it.

But then it’s apparent that sometimes he doesn’t think that Remus loves him as much— which is so bloody bonkers Remus can’t even fathom it. or he thinks that Remus is just going with the motions, dating Sirius just because Sirius asked him too. And that gets Remus mad, absolutely fucking furious. The idea that Sirius can doubt his emotions like that.

“Get your cocky head out your arse and think about how not everyone has to be as ruddy loud as you are.” Remus had yelled one night in the common room in early February when Sirius tried giving him a ridiculous teddy bear holding a heart as if he’s an actual sodding bird and he refused it and Sirius got tetchy. But then Sirius had laughed like the mad man he is and then snogged him within an inch of his life and Remus thinks he got his point across.

Their one, really huge blow out, is on Remus’s birthday when he gets to his birthday dinner with his parents who came up to celebrate. And Sirius was visibly, painfully drunk and he spluttered the whole three hours and Remus was secretly thankful that his parents only thought he was a friend and not his sodding boyfriend and by the time they got to the dorm Remus had shouted, really fucking shouted at him. Had screamed things that he would regret just as soon as they came out. But it was ridiculous and Sirius could be such an arse sometimes. And Sirius had yelled back about how fucking stuffy Remus is about everything and claiming that they didn’t even notice and who the fuck cares. And Remus was shaking so hard, grabbed his pillow and blankets to sleep in the common room instead.

But of course, he knew that Sirius would follow him, that Sirius always prodded whenever Remus wanted to just runaway, that he could never leave well enough alone. And they argue again but it quickly became them rutting up against each other in the middle of the night, atop the sofa where anyone could walk down an catch them an Remus didn’t care, just needed to feel Sirius, feel him all over.

Remus only found out the next day by a red faced and quiet Sirius that he was nervous, that he didn’t mean to get so sloshed but he’s already failed with his parents and he didn’t want Remus’s to know how much of a fucking screw up he is and Remus just kissed him gently and called him an idiot and they never spoke about it again.

A few weeks later, Sirius goes off to holiday with the Potters on the Moroccan coast and Remus was only sorta jealous, but he understood that Sirius has always starved for a family, a real family, and that this is good for him. And the Potters are lovely people, and nearly as wealthy as the Blacks— well erm, as close as can be possible for ordinary folks. And James is Sirius’s brother in all but blood. Of course Sirius wouldn’t want to spend the week in Remus’s sleepy hometown with his bookish father and somewhat smothering Mam. But then he gets a call at two in the morning— so three in the morning by them— and It’s a pissed Sirius screaming into the phone over the music of some club and Remus hears a girl’s voice crowing his name and he hangs up in the middle fo Sirius trying to tell him some story about a boat or llama or what the fuck ever. And then Sirius storms to their shared dormitory when they all got back, yelling at Remus for not answering his calls for the rest of the week, and then Remus screamed back that he didn’t want to keep him from his haram of girls. And Sirius snarled out that he didn’t kiss or even bloody flirt with any of them and that Remus needs to start trusting him or pull that stick out his ass. And Remus was just so taken aback he had no idea what to say, so he just shook his head, discarded words and pounced on him for them to snog instead— James and Peter rolling their eyes as they slowly exited the room.

And there entire relationship is a bit like that, firecrackers that simmer to something tender because their foundation has always been the purest, most important friendship and even though the sex is fucking miraculous and mind-blowing and maddeningly delicious, they’ll always be friends.

So that’s why Remus gets so angry that Sirius is acting so blasé when Snape finds out about them and threatens to tell the whole school. “It’s not a big deal Moons, practically everyone who isn’t an idiot already knows.”

And Remus swears he saw red, felt his blood pressure pulse. “Well my parents don’t know, and I’d rather be the one to tell them instead of them hearing it from the gossip mill from one of the other students parents!”

And Sirius’s expression got very stoney right then, his shoulders drawn back and brows furrowed. “So what? You’re ashamed that you’re dating a bloke? Or a bloke who’s own parents didn’t want him?”

And Remus is so fucking gobsmacked, so disbelieving that this is still such a point of sensitivity for him. That he still isn’t quite comprehensive just how much and how thoroughly and how desperately Remus loves him, and all that comes out is “You’re a bloody pillock.” And Sirius doesn’t give him enough time to explain himself and before he knows it they’re on the train home and Sirius isn’t even talking to him and he’s home in Wales once more.

He tries messaging Sirius all summer long, tries explaining himself. He even tells his parents that he’s as gay as the day is long, and they were so supportive that it gave him hope. But then Remus goes to Lily’s house one night for a movie, and her phone pins with a snap notification from James, and she tells him to open it for her while she tries pulling out the biscuits from the oven, and Remus Sees a dorky looking James, a London night club’s logo on the bottom of the filter and it’s all innocent until he really looks and he sees Sirius— clear as day, and he’s kissing another bloke. A blonde, good looking bloke that Remus could never be and one that Sirius deserves. And he feels so empty, so exhausted, so tired of it all as he numbly hands it over to a anxious looking Lily.

And Remus decides right then that he and Sirius really need to end this.

They need to cut all the strings of this ill-fated romance, because they’re both too volatile and too sporadic. They can’t risk their friendship over this. Remus can’t lose Sirius just because Remus never deserved him as a boyfriend.

So when they get back to classes for their sixth year, Remus pretends nothing had ever happened between them.

He acts cordial, and companionable and like the friend he was to Sirius before he let his bloody emotions get in the way. And Sirius is suspicious but cautious and sometimes he looks like he does when he wanted to kiss him, so Remus would have to race off and he’d stay out late as possible in the library so to get back to their room after they’ve all fallen asleep. And he’s thankful he does the one time he finds that Sirius had ended up falling asleep in Remus’s bed while waiting up for him.

On one of those nights out to the library he begins speaking with Ezra.

Ezra is a prefect also, and he’s a year above them in classes so he gladly helps Remus with the questions he has for the course work. He’s extremely handsome, and Remus doesn’t feel so guilty when he recognizes the fact. He’s got brown hair numerous shades darker from Remus’s tawny color, and he’s got very lovely green eyes and he smiles at Remus shyly. So it’s not a surprise when he kisses him softly for the first time in early October, and it’s nice. It’s not fire licking up his insides like Sirius’s kisses are, but it’s sweet. And he’s sweet.

They go out on casual dates to the city on allotted weekends and they drink coco by the fire. He tells Remus about growing up right outside Edinburgh and Remus tells him about the sea glass his Mam taught him to find by the ocean, and his collection of shells and his favorite peer to watch the sunset and Ezra listens like he is so very interested. And They’re a quiet pair, even the first time he gives Remus a blow job behind the greenhouses. And it’s good, because it’s fucking sex of course its good. But he doesn’t know how to use his tongue like Sirius learned how, or how to squeeze just a bit too tightly around his shaft when he’s lapping the head. But it’s not Ezra’s fault. Sirius and Remus had plenty of practice, the one thing they did more than laugh or argue was fuck. And that’s because it was always fun, always good. They stumbled through it together and learned what they liked and what they didn’t and how amazing it felt whenever they were intwined like that— When Sirius was on top of him, underneath him, deep inside of him and all around him.

But that’s not a fair comparison. Sirius has always excelled in everything, has always been a supernova. And Remus needs to learn how to be his friend again, and stop remembering all those times between the sheets or hidden behind the greenhouses or sometimes even in closets between classes.

And they’re getting there. Sirius has stopped trying to wait up for him, and he laughs at his jokes easily again. He doesn’t touch Remus, not really, not ever. And he looks like a flicker has been blown out behind his disarmingly handsome face, but they’re getting closer.

And Ezra is great, Ezra is so amazing. He’s sweet and he texts Remus a good night and good morning message every day. He walks him to class and they kiss softly goodbye. He buys Remus cherry filled brownies even tho that’s possibly the one type of chocolate he doesn’t like. But he eats them anyways because he knows they’re expensive. And he steadfastly ignores the box of his favorite caramel ones that are left on his bed the morning after Ezra got them for him.

And when Ezra comes over their house for Christmas he’s perfect in front of his parents. He complements the dinner Lyall made and how lovely Hope’s necklace is. And he gets along seamlessly with Lily when they met up nearly every night to go out to the tree in the center of her hometown or ice skating or to take pictures by the lights.

But when he leaves, Remus just feels empty. He stays up all night thinking about it, about why he can’t love Ezra the way he loved— the way he’s always loved and continues to love Sirius. How he will forever love Sirius. And he ends up cursing Sirius’s name a thousand times over throughout the span of one night.

And it’s back to the start of the story with Remus and Lily lounging in his living room and looking at the photo and Remus feels his eyes watering and Lily kissing his cheek while silently handing him his phone.

They exchange a smile.

And Remus decides he’ll talk to Ezra in person, explain how he’s a great guy and how lucky Remus was to be with him. But now— well now he needs to slide open his phone because he can hardly breathe anymore.

And when he hears Sirius’s familiar, golden baritone answering tentatively, “Hiya Moons.”

And Remus swallows down the emotion in his throat, and he just loves him so much.

“Can you drive up here? Preferably not with the bike.”

“James’s Dad left us his car.” Sirius retorts, and Remus can hear the smile in his voice. “But, are you sure?”

And Remus wants to scream it to the clouds and the ocean and the mountain tops that of course he is, that this— the emotions he has for Sirius, the way he loves him— is the one sure thing in his life.

“I love you Pads.”

A silence beats between them before he hears Sirius answer back, buoyant and vivid and so much him that it aches.

“I love you to Moony. I love you so much.”

#WOLFSTAR #REMUS LUPIN #SIRIUS BLACK #MARAUDERS #HARRY POTTER SERIES #HEADCANONS #HEADCANONS BY LEN #SPILT INK #this is so fucking long #holy shite #i'm sorry Nonny #!!!

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carbootsoul · 3 years

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omg please talk about saionji and utena and i want to know ur thoughts

ack anon i am. kissing u on the mouth rn thank u so much for asking !!! a fair warning before i write anything else: i have a stupid and inexplicable amount of affection for saionji kyouichi and this response will probably be kinda biased toward being understanding of him. don't get me wrong he is still very much a bad person throughout a lot of the series BUT he's also 17. anyway this got long bc i have many thoughts so its under the cut

my big thought about the two of them is that they're foils for each other! both to illustrate utena's good qualities and to point out what went wrong with saionji.

the main place we see similarities between them is their feelings toward both anthy and touga. saionji and utena are the only duelists to duel FOR anthy as a person rather than the power she wields. they're also the only two people that touga ever expresses unguarded affection toward, the only people with him in the church scene, the only people who reject him (other than nanami, whose rejection is more complex imo), and the two targets of his manipulation in season one. wakaba refers to them both as her prince and they both express at least the potential to be friends with her, they're both dragged into some kind of relation with akio through someone they're close with (saionji only for a few short scenes but the camera one does make me a little queasy), they're the only duelists to lose a duel and then rechallenge the winner. they're also the only characters to be "expelled" (not quite textually in utena's case, but the girls at the end of the last episode speculate that she was expelled for "getting in trouble with the chairman"). finally there are some vague thoughts i have about saionji's rose being a very pale green, which is a complimentary color to pink (while his hair is a deeper green, mirroring touga's red hair).

in terms of their personalities being similar it's mostly just the fact that they're both jocks and they both do the baffled face a lot which i think is fun from them both :) same 'interacting with nanami ever' expression. the two BIG things they have in common personality wise is their tendency to insist that their view of the world (especially!! their view of what is good for anthy) is correct, and obliviousness (especially to their privilege and the way it acts on other people, especially anthy). utena grows out of both those things, though, and they're two of her main points of character development throughout the series.

obviously, the differences between them are quite a bit more obvious. saionji is mostly used (especially at the beginning of the series) to contrast utena and to provoke her into protecting anthy. he's abusive, controlling, and cocky where she is... just cocky, and only sometimes. saionji is less aware of 'adult things' than utena (in some ways he's more childish than nanami- the scene that comes to mind is the one with the exchange diary, where utena worries that saionji is making sexual advances and saionji obviously has no idea what she's thinking. tbh i hold that saionji didn't really know what sex was before his car scene which is both funny and v upsetting to me). saionji is unwilling or unable to change the parts of himself that harm other people (or unaware of the effects of his actions) whereas utena, throughout the series, constantly does her best to be a better person and i love her so. so much. not-prince of my heart. also he has green hair and she has pink hair :) also he sucks so bad

anyway now that i've established their similarities and differences, here's the heart of my argument!! at their core, utena and saionji are very similar people (the church flashback rly illustrates this imo but maybe thats just bc children r all similar) but, because saionji grew up with power that utena didn't, he's. uh. who he is. (his eyes are purple, a color associated with akio's control. akio.. uh. patriarchy man.)

saionji's role in the show isn't just as the personification of rape culture, but as a statement on what the patriarchy DOES to teenage boys who don't notice their privilege. he is quite obviously less aware of his power than touga or akio are (they both use sex as a power tool, and both take advantage of the fact that they, as men, have power in most situations. saionji also takes advantage of this but it seems much less conscious on his part- again the scene with the exchange diary comes to mind. he is looming over utena-as-anthy but not in an attempt to scare her, but just bc he's found that when he is big and tall, people do what he want). this is shown especially in what we see of saionji when he's staying with wakaba! he's a much better person when he doesn't have this institutional power as close to his fingertips, even when he's unaware of this lacking. he goes back to being a douche the second he leaves, to, which is where his personal problems come into play.

saying that saionji is how he is just because he was born into privilege is way more forgiving of him than the narrative is or i would be, because the other bit that contrasts him with utena is his unwillingness to see or acknowledge his privilege. the fact that he's unaware of the bits and pieces of society that come together to give him that power over anthy doesn't absolve him, because he still takes advantage of the fact that he can do whatever he wants to her and he never tries to understand why. he sees that if he's engaged to anthy she will love him unconditionally (what he's looking for throughout the series) but he never tries to connect the dots between the power he has over her and the fact that she says she loves him. a scene that i think is rly interesting is the one in touga's last few episodes where touga and utena are talking and saionji comes and lies down in anthy's lap- it's such a small thing but i think it does a really interesting job summarizing his character! he actively seeks out affection/the love he wants from anthy and, because of the power he wields, she gives it to him. he's content with this, because he refuses to see the power dynamics that make her let him nap with his head in her lap. he allows himself to keep the safe blanket of his privilege, even when it hurts everyone else. utena sees that she has power as the rose bride's fiance and she (eventually) works against the powers that be to change that.

anywayyy that was a lot lol and im not sure it makes a ton of sense??? but those r what i've been thinking about! really it boils down to like. saionji would be a much better person if he took a feminist theory class with a completely open mind. and then he and utena could be friends :) the other thing it boils down to is that both utena and saionji's best and worst characteristics are being stupid as fuck BUT utena tries to learn and saionji refuses to. thanks again for sending this ask!! i hope my response made some sense haha

#leo.ask #i was thinking saionji for like half my shift today bc i was bored so u asked at the perfect time lol :)#rgu

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sugiwa · 3 years

Text

Hi. I am the Advice Anon. Please ignore those asks! I am so sorry for spamming your ask box. I still need help, so I’ll paste the entire thing over here. Again, sorry and thank you! Have a great day!

My reply and the full ask are below:

Hello! I hope you’ve been having a great day so far. This is probably unlike all of the other asks you get on a daily basis, author. However, I am in dire need of help, and I have turned to you. Before I begin, I want to apologize in advance, as this ask is going to be long. Now, like I said before, I need some help. You see, I am a freshman in high school, and school hasn’t even been going on for a full 10 weeks (a quarter), and I am already in a huge, messy, sticky situation. You probably already know that in high school, you need a certain number of credits in each field to be able to graduate. I am going to be extremely vague about this because it doesn’t really matter, and I’d really like to remain anonymous, if you know what I mean. One of the fields is World Languages and Visual Arts. Obviously, I am not talented enough to do Visual Arts, so I opted for World Languages instead. My teacher for the course I chose this year… she’s nice. Really kind, and I love that she makes learning a whole new language and culture, which is extremely hard, so much fun. And the fact that she’s one of the nicest teachers I know makes the rest of this so, so painful for me. 4 days ago, for me, was a Thursday. In this class, we had a vocab quiz that day (background info: two days before every quiz, my teacher posts a practice quiz to be done before class starts). I don’t really want to discuss what happened, as it still brings tears to my eyes, but I will give you a vague summary of what was going on. Basically, I couldn’t access my quiz (it was online), so my teacher told me to come in after school to re-do it. I was supposed to close down my computer and work on homework from another class, but instead of doing so, I worked on the practice quiz. And… this was considered cheating, because I was getting extra practice in before taking the quiz– something that the other students didn’t get, you know? My teacher saw my computer screen, and told me that she’d talk to me after school, and she’d be calling home. I couldn’t concentrate for the rest of the class, because I was afraid of what might happen when she called home. After school, she told me to speak with her, and be honest about it. When cheating happens, at our school, the teacher will write us up for Academic Dishonesty and give it to the administration, who then decides the consequences. My teacher had told me that if I was honest with her, she wouldn’t write my up; she’d just give me a zero on the quiz and call home and tell them what I did. I was honest with her, because like I said before, I was afraid. Once I told her everything that happened, she told me that I could call home, let them know what happened myself, and I’d be off the hook (with a zero on the quiz, of course). So, I called home, like she had asked of me, but… they didn’t pick up. I told her that they didn’t pick up, and she told me that it was fine, and that she’d talk to my parents in-person before they picked me up from school. I’m not going to lie, that terrified me more than calling home. I don’t really remember what happened after that, because I was too busy crying, but I do remember that she mentioned something about me doing this before, and that it was not OK to do it the second time, but she’d let me off the hook. The thing is, I am 100% sure I haven’t done this before… or maybe she just didn’t approach me the first time. I told her that I didn’t do this before, and she told me that I was lying again, and began to write me up. I told her that I didn’t mean to do this, and that I was sorry, but she told me to stop lying. She said that she DID approach me the first time I did this, and that I was rude to her then. This brought tears to my eyes– my kind of favorite teacher telling me that I was rude to her. You see, I didn’t grow up here, and although I’ve lived here for 4 years, I am not used to the way people interact here. It was very different where I grew up. For example, you didn’t ask each other how their day was, or what they did during their day, unless you were REALLY curious or concerned, because that was considered nosy and rude. So, I tend to be unintentionally rude, and completely oblivious to it; I have no idea when I’m being rude or not, unless someone specifically says so. I also don’t really understand people well, so that’s a huge problem. So… hearing this from her, really hurt. I told her that I didn’t intend to be rude, and I was trying my best to change (I mean, I was & am reading a book to teach me etiquette and all), and she replied with “that’s good to hear”. Then, when my parents came to pick me up, she talked to them, and even asked one of my parents to walk with us to the Administration Office to turn in the write up. Stuff happened, I got called into the Assistant Principal’s office, and now I have a zero on my quiz (and my homework activity that I never finished), Saturday School, and a black mark on my record. But the thing is… that’s not what I’m concerned about at all. Sure, getting my grades up in time for Progress Reports is going to be an extremely hard task, and Saturday School is going to leave a huge black mark on my record, but that’s not what I’m worried about. My grades have been fractured, but so has my relationship with this teacher. I feel as though she hates me now, that she has lost all trust in me. (Background info: our school does Odd and Even days, so I have half of my classes on one day and half on the other, so that means that I didn’t face my teacher at all on Friday) 3 days ago, on Friday, when I went to school, it was an average day. It would have been an amazing day, had it not been for the situation I was in. All I could think about that day was my World Language teacher. And just thinking about her, and about that classroom, it… gives me a bit of anxiety. This is where I need your help. What would you do if you were in my situation? I really want to repair my relationship with my teacher, because I know that she’s really important; we’re going to be on the same campus for the next 4 years of my life, and even more importantly, she’s going to be my teacher for the next 8 months. I want to graduate with good grades, but more importantly, I want to graduate without holding a grudge against my teacher. I want her to like me, and I want to gain her trust again. Today is a Sunday for me, and I have to go back to school tomorrow, and I have her class then. A part of me is really scared to go to school, a part of me is really angry at my teacher for reporting me (even though it was the right thing to do), and a part of me wants to ditch school tomorrow, or even drop out or transfer from her course, all because I don’t want to face her after I did the wrong thing. It’s not only that, either. I’ve also been avoiding my friends. Would you like to know why I am confiding in awesome strangers on the internet anonymously instead of letting my friends know what’s going on? It’s because I’m afraid that they won’t like me anymore, and they’d ditch me or something. They’re amazing people, and I know that they won’t do that, but a part of me is still paranoid. I’ve been avoiding my friends since Friday, barely talking to them at school, and texting them a little bit in our group chat. They don’t really suspect anything, but that’s good. And that’s why I am asking you. Not just you, but actually anyone who sees this, if they helped me, I’d really appreciate it. I really need help moving forward in this situation, and I’m desperate for help. My parents don’t understand the situation I’m in, and I’m too scared to talk to my friends about it, so I’d really appreciate the help. It’s OK if you don’t reply to this, author. I know that this doesn’t affect you in any way, so you’re not obliged to help me. I’d like to thank you for taking the time from your day to read these extremely long asks. Have a great day. P.S: I absolutely love What Heroes Do! Izumi is such a well written character, and sometimes, I see myself in her. The way she handles situations is so inspirational! And your writing skills are top-tier! My best friend and I actually started writing a book 4 years ago (I mean, we wrote for one month in 6th grade, and then spent one day in 8th grade editing it, and we’ve only got a prologue and 1.5 chapters done, so… clearly, we aren’t doing a good job lol), and you’ve inspired me to go back to that book and re-do it! Thank you so much for being such an inspiration and an idol of mine! Ilysm ❤️

sugiwa:

I wanted to take the proper time to reply to this. I think any adult willing to hold a grudge against a child is in the wrong. You clearly made a mistake and are now taking steps to improve and learn from it. Additionally, I think teachers tend to forget how much stress students are under in their academic and private lives, so a mistake should be used as an opportunity to teach not punish. I don’t think that you should worry about what this teacher thinks of you. Your teacher didn’t believe you, despite you telling them the truth. No matter how kind or nice someone is, their behavior towards you will always reflect their inner thoughts. If you’ve clearly made a mistake, you should fight to prove that. It’s not as if you intended to ‘cheat,’ given the situation we’re all in with the pandemic, online classes and quizzes are the norm. These kinds of things probably happen regularly. Additionally. I don’t think you need to concern yourself with being rude. My culture is rather blunt and when I first moved here, people weren’t fans of brutal honesty, so it was a big cultural shock. If people aren’t willing to learn about your culture and understand, then I don’t think they’re people worth hanging out with. Lean on your friends, I don’t think they’d make a big deal over a couple of mistakes and if they do, then it might be worth reconsidering why you were friends with them.

Thank you for your kind words about the story and I really hope everything works out for you!!

#submission #anon

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captainscanadian · 3 years

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Love Me Blue | Bucky Barnes x Reader (Rasleela)

MY MASTERLIST

Series Masterlist

Summary: Perhaps Bucky Barnes is the Krishna to your Radha.

Word Count: 3800+

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Tamilian!Hindu!Reader, Sam Wilson

Warnings: References to Hinduism, PTSD, Endgame References.

A/N: This is my entry for @bucky-smiles‘s 3K Diversity Writing Challenge! My prompt was to write a fic with a Hindu reader. I decided to write this fic with a Tamilian reader because I am Tamilian. I was born in Sri Lanka and my mother’s side of the family are Hindu. Although I consider myself an agnostic theist, I do enjoy reading the epics of Mahabharata and Ramayana. Pic from Pinterest! <3 Divider by @whimsicalrogers!

The more Bucky Barnes read about Hinduism, the more intrigued he became about how a highly skilled former SHIELD agent had retained her faith even after living through the literal end of the world. After Thanos and the Infinity War, and losing Tony and Natasha, it came as a surprise to him that you still continued to uphold the religious traditions that you were raised with. You could have easily walked away from them, but it was the fact that you chose not to do so that made Bucky realize how strong you were.

From maintaining a strict vegetarian diet to starting your day with the morning chants, the way your daily life was filled with your faith… it was refreshing to see, especially during a time when people were not always that religious. Nowadays when he awoke at dawn, he would hear the usual chants of the Sri Venkateswara Suprabhatam being recited next door, and he could not deny that it gave him the same kind of comfort as it did to you.

Whenever the rest of the team were gone on missions, he often joined you in your living quarters for breakfast, and it was safe to say that he had taken a liking to the hearty South Indian vegetarian meal that he could often expect from you. In a way, he often looked forward to the days when the two of you were alone at the compound. Usually, that included cooking together and talking about your life in India and his time in Wakanda. Other times, you found yourself working out together; you were even sparring partners.

It was no secret that the two of you had been spending quite a lot of time together, and the Avengers were not completely oblivious to the sparks that were flying between you and the super soldier every time you were in the same room. As much as you hated to admit it to yourself, when Wanda pressed on during one of your many girls’ nights, you confessed that you did feel something for Bucky. You had brushed it off as your inner history nerd being fascinated by a man who fought in the Second World War, but you knew better than that. Wanda knew as well; she could read minds, after all.

Sam had also noticed that Bucky had started to come out of his shell ever since you had arrived at the compound, and he could never pass up an opportunity to tease him about it. “So, you’ve been in a good mood lately…” He pointed out to his friend during one workout session.

Bucky knew where Sam was getting at, but a part of him refused to give him the satisfaction of being right. “It must be the extra sleep I’ve been getting.” He admitted, genuinely.

It was partially true, as his sleep has improved a lot since he had first moved into the compound. Between working together with the compound’s newly hired in-house therapist and spending time with you, it seemed that his nerves had finally calmed down.

“Does Y/N have anything to do with that?” He asked, batting his eyelashes in a rather teasing manner.

This caused the supersoldier to become flushed, and he quickly looked away to hide the sheepish grin on his lips. “Possibly.” He could not lie about how your arrival at the compound had certainly lifted his spirits; in a world where he had assumed that he was on his own, you had been the one to show him that he wasn’t alone and he did not want to be alone again.

Sam knew damn well that you and Bucky were one and the same. Both of you had faced tremendous loss, and had given up on fighting in hopes of finding peace, only to be pulled back into the fight again. He could not deny that the two of you would make a good pair, as different as you were.

When he had asked Bucky if he had any intentions to ask you out, that was when Bucky had even considered asking you out. Not that he worried that you would reject him; he was just unsure that it was the right time. Despite defeating Thanos, the world was still in shock from the blip and it seemed unfair of him that he wanted to move on from that. But he knew better than to let these anxieties get the worst of him. He had seen enough war and suffering; it was time for him to put his happiness before all.

Needless to say, you made him very happy.

He had told Sam of his plan on asking you out, but he wanted to plan the most perfect date for the two of you. He wanted to ask you out when he knew what your first date would be, and so he hoped to find out more about what you wanted when it came to your love life.

It was during one of your many late night chats by the lake when you had found yourself staring up at the starlit sky, your peacock print scarf wrapped over your shoulders as you pulled your knees up to your chest.

Bucky had been pacing back and forth across the gazebo, trying to find the right words to say even though he did not want to be direct. “Hey Y/N, can I ask you something?”

The sound of his voice snapped you out of your thoughts, and you turned over to face him. “If it’s about the Cold War, I can’t answer that.”

This made him chuckle softly, and certainly put his nerves at ease. “Oh? And here I thought that you knew your history.” He teased, as always.

Laughing softly, you stood up from your seat on the bench and walked up to him. “I do know my history, but I’ve got my mind on the present at the moment.” You admitted, honestly.

Who were you kidding? When you first met this man, you did have your mind on history. You were fascinated by the Howling Commando who fought alongside Captain America; he was merely a historical figure to you.

But now in the present, you could not deny that he was much more than that. He was a friend, a companion, someone you had become quite fond of. You did not know how to describe it; but you could not deny that you saw a glimpse of Lord Krishna in his eyes. He sure had the charm, and the mystery, but your own fear of loss had held you back from acting on what you felt for him.

“Speaking of the moment, that brings me back to my question.” He rolled his eyes at you rather playfully. “What’s Rasleela?”

Your eyes grew wide at his question. “Rasleela?”

“I looked up one of the paintings in your apartment.” He responded with a shrug.

Ever since he had spent that night at your apartment, Bucky had been frequently asking you questions about the various paintings and idols of Lord Krishna that you had kept in your living quarters. He had explained that his fascination with your religion had stemmed from the fact that he had lived in Wakanda and had experienced their culture as well; and it had caused him to become curious of all of the traditions that you followed.

Of course, you had no problem sharing with him the context behind the paintings around your home. The story of Radha and Krishna was always close to your heart, and you certainly appreciated being able to share them with someone else. It was no secret that sharing these love stories with Bucky had only contributed to your feelings towards him, but you did not want to get ahead of yourself like that. You were technically his boss, after all.

“Rasleela… well, the literal meaning of it is ‘the dance of divine love’ but that’s quite a mouthful.” You admitted, laughing softly. “The painting I have in my apartment shows Lord Krishna and Radha dancing under the stars, doesn’t it? My grandmother told me that it happens in one night, when Lord Krishna hides in the forest and plays his flute. All the girls in his village get so mesmerized by it… they follow the music into the forest and they go searching for him. When they find him, they dance all night. It’s a celebration of love, really… the dancing.”

“But why are there so many women who danced with him?” He asked. “Why is he dancing with all of them when Radha was the one he loved?”

“Believe it or not, he was quite the playboy.” You replied, your lips curling into a smirk as you crossed your arms against your chest. “He loved Radha the most, but every girl in the village still loved him.”

“So, you have a thing for playboys, huh?”

“I have a thing for Lord Krishna.” You replied in a rather teasing manner. “I mean, I’m devoted to Lord Krishna. But when it comes to my love life… I want someone to love me like Lord Krishna loved Radha.”

As messed up as the world was, this wish of yours had never changed. Ever since you were a little girl in South India listening to your grandmother’s stories, you fell in love with Lord Krishna and the pure love that he held for Radha. This kind of love was unconditional, and undying.

“Would you ever want to have your own Rasleela, Y/N?” Bucky asked you, rather curiously.

“What?”

“Dance all night, under the stars, celebrate love… would you ever want to be a part of something like that?” He asked.

You thought for a moment, wondering if you could ever be a part of something so magical. “I mean, I doubt that I would ever experience something so magical. But if I found someone to be my Krishna, I guess I won’t be opposed to it.” And you meant that.

Frankly, he knew exactly what you meant too.

When you woke up the next morning, it was way past dawn. You had turned on the usual morning chants on your phone, and hooked it up to the speakers. While the chants were playing in the background, you made your way over to the bathroom to clean yourself up and get ready for your prayers. But when you made your way over towards your shrine, you had noticed that the footprints that you had painted from your front door were no longer there.

You hadn’t taken them off, so it made you wonder who would have managed to scrape all of that paint off of the tiles. But when you made your way over to the front door and opened it, you were greeted by a surprise.

It was a box, rectangular and tied with a giant red bow. You looked around the hallway before picking it up, wondering who would have left this as you closed the door behind you. As curious as you were about what was in that box, you did not open it right away. You had to head to work, since Rhodey and Wanda had just returned from a mission.

When you arrived to make yourself some breakfast, the dining area had been rather empty. Most of the team had eaten and left, but the table had been set for one; it had a plate that was covered with a lid and a sticky note with your name on it.

“Well, this morning has been full of surprises, hasn’t it?” You said to yourself as you sat down on the table and removed the lid, seeing a freshly prepared dosa and onion chutney on the plate. “It sure has…”

At that moment, you knew damn well who was responsible for the neatly wrapped box at your door and the South Indian breakfast surprise; other than yourself, there was only one other person here at the compound who knew how to make South Indian food, and he had been acting a little suspicious lately.

You had eaten your breakfast in quiet, constantly paying attention to your surroundings in hopes that Bucky would return to the dining area to ensure that you were eating the meal he had left behind for you. But to your disappointment, he did not show. As a matter of fact, the last time you saw him had been when you had returned to your living quarters following your nightly chat by the lake.

The rest of the day went by as you were swarmed with mission reports and briefings, and the whole time Bucky was nowhere to be found. Not that he had to be a part of them, as he hadn’t been taking part in missions just yet. But it was safe to say that you could not go this long without seeing him.

Of course, you could have asked your team if they had seen Bucky anywhere. If he wasn’t at the compound, you knew that he would have at least told someone where he went. Truth be told, your pride had just gotten in the way of you just blatantly admitting to someone that you were looking for him. You could just picture the look on Sam’s eyes when you asked him where Bucky was.

“Took you long enough.” Sam muttered when you entered his living quarters. “I’ve been expecting you all morning, Y/N.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” You asked, crossing your arms as you looked over at him in utter confusion.

“You’re looking for the cyborg, aren’t ya?”

You nodded. “Yeah, I am. I haven’t seen him all day, and he left breakfast for me. I figured that I would ask you where I could find him. Is he okay?”

“He’s fine.” He replied, giving you a reassuring smile. “He’s just hiding from you.”

“Then where is he?” You asked, wondering what was going on with the supersoldier. “What? Why?”

“He left on his Harley at sunrise while I was going on my run. He didn’t tell me where he was headed, just that he needed to stay hidden until nightfall and that you would know where to find him.” He replied with a shrug. “Something about ‘following the music’ or whatever. I had no idea what he meant by that.”

Your cheeks flushed at his words before you shook your head. “God, I should have known that he was up to something when he asked me what he did last night.” You admitted, sighing.

“What did he ask you?”

“Nothing you should know about.” You replied with a wink. “Did he say anything else, by the way?”

“Just that you would know where he is… and that you should just ‘follow the music’ if you didn’t know. Don’t get me wrong, I have no idea what that means. But if you want, I can help you track him down.” He offered. “Honestly. I don’t know what goes on in that cyborg brain of his.”

You wanted to consider Sam’s offer, but you knew that it was best not to. Clearly, Bucky had known that you would find him; it even seemed that he wanted you to. As much as you want to let Sam get involved, and you understood his good heart for offering, you wanted this to be a lot more personal. Besides, Agent Y/L/N was not someone who would back away from a challenge.

“It’s fine, Sam.” You shrugged him off. “If he wants me to go on a wild goose chase, then I guess that’s what I’ll do. It’s not like I have a team of superheroes to oversee or anything like that.”

The Falcon chuckled at that. “I’ve always known that something was up with the two of you.” He admitted, genuinely. Having watched you at your lowest, he wanted nothing more than for you to find happiness, especially with someone like Bucky. “You like him, don’t you?”

You nodded. “Yeah, I do.” You confessed, feeling your cheeks heat up once again. “I mean, I don’t think I know how to keep that a secret. We have been spending a lot of time together lately, and I’m sure people are starting to notice.”

Not that you cared about what anyone might think. Being the supervising officer to the Avengers did not mean that you had to stray away from meeting your personal needs. You had all survived an apocalypse; the least you could do is be happy.

“I know he likes you too, Y/N. He can’t seem to shut up about you, and I hope that everything works out for you.” He grinned as he pulled you into an embrace. “You deserve it.”

You gave him a nod as you hugged him back. “Thanks, Sam. I know that… I’ve been hard on myself ever since… what happened. But I know now that Bucky’s not the bad guy in my story. He never was, and maybe… maybe it won’t be so bad. Maybe the bad things in my life are over.”

Sam nodded understandingly, still not letting go of the hug. “Have you told him yet?” He asked, certainly worried about his two close friends.

You shook your head. “No, I haven’t told him. I didn’t know how to. How am I supposed to tell him that I misunderstood him? Or that there was a time when I wanted nothing more than to kill him?”

Looking back at that time only broke your heart, and your eyes glazed over. You knew that Bucky would never judge you if he ever found out about your past, but you could not get yourself to share this with him. You did not know how to.

“You know that wasn’t your fault, Y/N.” He reminded you. “Just like it wasn’t his fault either.”

You nodded. “Yeah, I know that now. But I can’t help but feel guilty sometimes. Bucky’s one of the sweetest, kindest, and gentlest people I’ve ever met. I just feel awful about believing what everyone was saying about him. I should have known better. I should have believed Steve.”

Pulling back from the hug, Sam quickly wiped away your tears. “Y/N, come on… there’s no point in feeling shitty about the past. Bucky likes you. You like Bucky. Just focus on the present for now, okay? You and I both know that Bucky’s the last person who would judge you for what happened, and if he found out about what you’ve been through, I know for a fact that it wouldn’t change anything. You have nothing to worry about, okay?”

“Okay.” You sighed, knowing that he was right. “I should probably go and find him.”

“Yeah, you do that.” He agreed, chuckling softly before leaning over to kiss your forehead. “Be happy, Y/N.”

“Thanks, Sam.”

When you exited Sam’s living quarters, you headed back to your own. Remembering that the footprints in your living room had been removed, you wondered if it could be Bucky’s doing. You and Bucky had been talking well into the late hours of the night before you decided to head back to your living quarters, and he had walked you back to yours the whole way. You could not remember if Bucky had come inside with you, but he certainly could have come in with you and helped you into bed before he had scraped the footprints off.

But if so, why would he do that?

What did Bucky mean when he had told Sam that you would know where he was? What did he mean by ‘follow the music’? Why did he ask you about Rasleela last night?

You suddenly remembered the box that you had found at your doorstep that morning, and you rushed over to open it. Inside was a dark blue lace dress that was straight out of the 1940s, and a handwritten note from Bucky.

If you would let me be the Krishna to your Radha, I’ll show you how we did ‘Rasleela’ back in my day. -Bucky

Reading the note only made your cheeks heat up once again. You had been expecting him to pull something like this on you since the moment he had even asked you about the meaning of Rasleela in the first place. But you hadn’t expected him to be this fast.

It did not take you long to figure out where he was. After all, Sam had mentioned that Bucky had left the compound pretty early. With his clue to ‘follow the music’ and the message he had left on that note, it was all pretty clear to you.

Being a history major, you had always been fond of how much New York City had changed since the days of the Great Depression. When you had first met Steve Rogers and taken him on a tour around Manhattan, he had mentioned to you of how different it had been back in the day.

You had been the first one to find out about how Peggy had asked him to meet her at the Stork Club for their date, which Steve hadn’t been able to make. Seventy years later, you had offered to take him to the place where the Stork Club used to be.

It was a pocket park now, with the club being demolished and replaced with an artificial waterfall and several benches. You and Steve had sat there for hours, and he had shared with you all the stories about how Bucky would drag him out there to go dancing with some girls he met.

What a playboy he must have been back then?

Before you knew it, you had slipped into the dress that Bucky had given you and were heading towards Paley Park in hopes that you could find him there. As it was a four hour drive from the compound to the heart of Manhattan, you found yourself bringing out one of your favourite toys.

A present from your former mentor and SHIELD Supervising Officer Agent Phil Coulson, Lola was a cherry red 1962 Chevrolet Corvette that was upgraded with some of Howard Stark’s, and then Tony Stark’s technologies. Steve used to tell you that Howard had once promised to create flying cars at one of the Stark Expos, and Lola was the closest thing that came to that; in flight mode, the wheels folded down and there was a hover-capable propulsion system that replaced them.

Knowing of Bucky’s interest in flying cars through Steve, you could only hope that he would be excited to see you arriving in Lola when you pulled up to Paley Park. Frankly, the four hour drive to the city was now cut short, thanks to Lola. Oh how you loved Phil for letting you take his car after him. Even though you were only using her for leisurely purposes, Lola made you feel some kind of power. After all, if you could drive a flying car, you could pretty much do anything else in the world.

#3kdiversity #aj writes #love me blue #rasleela #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes x desi!reader #bucky barnes fanfic #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes fic #bucky barnes fluff #marvel x reader #marvel fanfiction #bucky barnes series #desi au

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lotrfics · 4 years

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IMAGINE: Gradually fading when you believe Legolas is falling for Tauriel

Pairing: Legolas x Female Elf Reader

Requested: Yes (Hello! How are you? Can I please request a story where the reader is an elf (Legolas long time friend, she is always near him, being his shoulder to cry on, listening to all his problems, training hard to be the best and learning about everything in middle earth because she loves to learn about every creature). She loves him, but he starts to fall for Tauriel, and they start to get distant. She is dying of a broken heart, and he desperately tries to help her. (with a happy ending please) Thanks) -Anonymous

Summary: You have always loved Legolas, but you are unable to handle your emotions when Legolas seems to be falling for Tauriel

Warnings: More shitty angst, can be a trigger warning because weight loss is mentioned here, though I don’t know if it counts as an actual trigger warning because i’m dumb lol

A/N: Request is slightly changed (Legolas actually falling for Tauriel never happens) because anon wanted a happy ending, and for that to work for me it should be nothing more than a misunderstanding

You were just a child when you met Legolas. You had bumped into him and spilled your drink all over him. He got mad at you and you began apologizing profusely then ran off. You saw him again the next day, and before you can run off, he told you he got over it and asked if you both could be friends.

Before you realized it, he soon became your best friend, you two were inseparable. He knew how ambitious you were, even if your goals were too unrealistic, he would always help you in any way he could to make sure you are the best in whatever you want to be best at.

Whenever he got in a bad argument with his father or a friend of his, or simply just a terrible day, you made sure to be his shoulder to cry on, and that was enough for him. He didn’t care if you had no idea what to say to him, you were there for him and listening to him ranting, which was all he needed.

Legolas was a prince, so he can be quite busy, at those times you found yourself in the library if other people you knew were busy as well. There, you discovered the existence of hobbits and their culture in a book, and it caught your interest, because if you asked another elf what a hobbit was, they would most likely stare at you with confusion on their face, then walk away without answering you.

As an elleth, you obviously knew of your culture, you would be slow and stupid if you didn’t. Humans don’t go to Mirkwood because they have no reason to, so you only knew parts of human culture through books, and to learn about other parts, you have to know actually know a human, which you don’t. Everyone knows dwarves don’t like to share their culture, so you barely know anything about them. Their stubbornness is known by many, but not every dwarf is stubborn.

Centuries passed by, and you and Legolas began to drift away from each other. This was originally not a bad thing, you were still friends, but he was getting busier than ever and you were too interested in the secrets of Middle Earth to be able to resist going to the library, without giving some time to let him know about your plans.

One day, Legolas made a new friend; Tauriel, Captain of the Guard. At first, you didn’t really care, it would be ridiculous if you berated Legolas for making a new friends. Over time, though, you couldn’t help but feel jealous when you noticed he kept hanging out with her continuously.

That jealousy of yours only worsened when you chose to talk to Legolas later.

Someone told you you needed to spend one day away from the library, you couldn’t help but agree. So you approached Legolas to ask if you can hang out with him. “Would you like to go on a walk right now?” You asked.

He shook his head walking away. “I can’t, (Y/N). I promised Tauriel I would spent the rest of the day with her.” Leaving you there confused, jealous and upset. All three emotions at once. He didn’t even suggest another date for that walk to happen, the thought of that infuriated you.

More embarrassing exchanges occurred after that, and once you grew tired of it, you began to ignore him and distance yourself from him. Because not too long ago, but not too recently, you discovered your deep love for him; you had a feeling your romantic love for him began a long time ago, you just only discovered it now.

It didn’t matter to you if you remained his friend and never became his lover, but now that he has found himself a new friend and prioritizes her over you, it hurts. You felt betrayed by your own best friend. It may sound petty, but anyone who has never thought their best friend betrayed them would never know the pain.

You were starting to feel lonely.

The worst part about it, was he never noticed you were ignoring him. He was so delighted in forming a friendship with Tauriel, it left him distracted to even get a clue he was being ignored. He always used to notice the silent treatments you would give to anybody, whether it was to him, a family member of yours, or another member.

Now, that didn’t seem to be the case anymore. He became oblivious, too oblivious for you to handle. He was falling for her, you knew that, and there was absolutely nothing you can do anymore.

The library was your safe haven, it was the only place you felt happy in these days. But that happiness did not last long forever. You could never forget Legolas, how can you forget the one who gave you motivation when you had none? His support was part of the reason you were very successful in many things, and he was the only one that actually listened to your ramblings, which was usually about your knowledge of Middle Earth and it’s strangest creatures.

Eventually, you began having difficulty to get interested in a new book, which was odd, but it happens. Not everything can please you. But soon enough, you realized the things that always fascinated you began to bore you out of your mind. It was concerning, but you didn’t think too much of it, only dismissing it as burnout from spending too much time in the library.

For some reason, even being in your own home began to make you feel sick. This definitely was odd. Elves cannot get sick. From what you knew, only half elves can get sick, but the only thing they can catch was a cold, which you heard was not even anywhere near bad.

You were a full blooded elf, there was no way you can get sick, and you felt like fainting at that moment, you waited for it, but it never happened. You stumbled all the way to your room, and it left you bewildered to know even getting to your own room felt like a difficult task.

While eating breakfast the next day, you were thinking about your condition. You deduced you were already beginning to fade. It bothered you when you first learned only elves can die heartbroken. Being an elf had many benefits, you knew that, but the downsides were annoying.

Dying of a broken heart sounds silly, but unfortunately it was a curse. It was one of those moments you honestly wished you were something else other than an elf, especially a human, because if you’re going to be honest, elves suck at moving on. Moving on is something mortals excel at, and you wished you had that.

Being in love with your best friend, who isn’t really your best friend anymore because you had drifted apart, was already bad. To make matters worse, he found a new close friend who he was falling for. That told you you could’ve possibly be with Legolas, except he didn’t want you, you weren’t what he wasn’t looking for, instead, Tauriel had and was everything he wanted.

Thinking about it only made you feel more worse. Despite your anger, you knew he was finally happy, he finally found someone meant for him, even if that someone was not you. You’ll die knowing he has finally found someone he has always wanted, as he told you when you both younger. Someone who will make him complete.

“What do you dream of, Legolas?” you asked him, while sitting out together, admiring the beautiful view. It was night time, you were the only ones awake and outside. “I know you want something that is not what your father pressures you to be.”

Thranduil was one strict elf. He does not want his son to follow his heart, he always insisted him to follow his head instead since he was just a child. Legolas loved his father, he truly did, but he refused to listen to him. He wanted to follow his own desires, his own goal to remain happy, he didn’t want anyone getting in the way of it.

Unfortunately, he would be reprimanded by his father when he stood up to him about this matter. His father told him following his heart would lead him to become unsuccessful. Following the mind was more logical, Thranduil insisted. You were the only one Legolas confided in about his wishes and his father’s disapproval. He knew you would always support him, no matter what.

Legolas did not respond immediately, he stayed silent, and you began looking around you, stopping when he suddenly spoke up. “What I want in my eternal life?” You glanced at him, giving him a nod to keep talking. “To find someone I would want to be with, to sail to Valinor with once it is time.” He admitted softly.

You merely nodded. You figured Legolas did not want all the pressures of being a prince, he wasn’t exactly a great leader, he would happily give up the role of leader to anyone else. He would do anything to ensure he never rules Mirkwood, to stay away from the throne as far as possible.

“Tell me more about this species of you discovered, hobbits, I believe?” Legolas requested. You gave him a grin. “I got you interested, didn’t I?” You asked.

“Maybe.” He replied cheekily.

Legolas hasn’t heard from you in a while. He grew worried, assuming the worst.

Time for elves are completely different. A couple of centuries are considered a second to them. Legolas has gone years without talking to you before, he was a patient elf, but this time, something didn’t feel right. Plus, you always told each other what you were doing ahead of time should either of you get super busy.

When Tauriel was busy, he took that chance to visit you, to find out how you are doing. He arrived at your house, entering without knocking, that is completely normal to you both. He was taken by surprise when he saw the room was a mess. Well, it wasn’t THAT messy, but it was a mess to your standards.

He remembered you insisted on cleaning everything. It bothered you to see dirt, especially on your own clothes. A slight stain on your clothes is easily noticed by someone like you, and it drove you mad.

Your door was open, once he took notice of it, he ran in. There, he saw you in your bed, looking unnaturally exhausted, worrying him further. Rubbing your eyes, you turned to see Legolas suddenly in your room, startling you. You flinched back and hit your head on the headboard, making you yelp in pain. Legolas winced as he watched that.

You didn’t even hear him come in.

“You look terrible, (Y/N), what has happened to you?” Legolas asked you, concern in his voice. You didn’t respond, you were too busy rubbing your head, the impact was more painful than it should be. But you were dying, so any pain you experience, even if minor, was made worse for you. You felt a migraine begin to develop all of a sudden.

His sudden appearance put you at ease. If only you had the heart to tell him what you’re going through right now. You also wondered how he did not realize immediately you were fading, because that’s the only way an elf can get so dizzy from a silly accident. Nobody can easily tell their friend that they are dying of a broken heart in a straight forward manner.

You rubbed your forehead and closed your eyes as you remained sat on your bed. Legolas gazed at your body, you didn’t look good at all. You were dangerously thin and noticed you were uncontrollably shaking as if you caught a cold. Then it all clicked in him.

“Please, don’t tell me you have already begun to fade,” he had concluded you were dying of a broken heart. Now he needed to know, why and how? So many questions were to follow. “What is the cause of this?”

You glanced at him. “What brings you here?” You said plainly, completely ignoring his question. He gave you a look. “I am sure we agreed many years ago we can visit each other without knocking.” He reminded you. Of course you remembered that exact day. How can you forget it?

Again, you didn’t say anything. He already knew. There was no need to say anything else. Now you were to embarrassed to admit why you were dying. Yes, he knew it was heartbreak, but he didn’t know who broke your heart and why they did so.

“You have to tell me why,” he desperately pleaded, “I do not know if I am able to help you at this point, but I will go out of my way to find out if it is possible. If I cannot help you, then I will remain by your side until your very last breath.”

“I can’t tell you,” you mumbled out, but he heard, giving you a look of confusion. “Why do you care?” You suddenly blurted out, to which you instantly regretted. You looked at him and he looked completely offended when you questioned his loyalty to you just now.

“Did you just ask me why I care?” He demanded harshly, making you shamefully turn away from him. “You are why I no longer am in my father’s shadow. You gave me support when I needed it the most. You taught me to go after what I truly want, only if I do it right. And I am more than grateful for that.”

“I do not know how I can ever fully repay for that, and I insist on doing so, even if you tell me it is simply nothing. But it is not nothing, I have confidence in myself because of you. You do not realize how much it angers me when you turn down my assistance, I cannot let you give everything to me while I give you nothing.”

“I supported you when you told me of your ambitions, even if you have really high expectations, but that is not enough. Denying me to try saving your life is a ridiculous decision. I wish I had the power to easily bring you back, but something like this is almost irreversible. But I will still try, I will never give up on you.”

“I cannot lose you,” he began sobbing, “I am glad to have spent hundreds of years with you, since we were just kids, all the way to your last moments.”

After a few seconds of debating to yourself, you glanced at Legolas to see tears forming in his eyes.

“I found someone,” he began, and you immediately understood what he meant. The someone he wanted to sail west with. Though, you didn’t understand why he would gush over Tauriel to you while you were dying. “And that someone is you, (Y/N). I wish I realized it sooner. As it appears you already found someone else, which led you here, heartbroken.”

Your eyes widened, but you did not say anything. He tried his best to not look away from you, to keep his gaze on you. His lip trembled before speaking up again. “I- I truly love you, (Y/N). I really do.” He confessed, finally turning away from you, not ready for instant rejection.

The pain you have been feeling for a while now have suddenly disappeared. You were no longer shivering, you no longer felt like fainting every other second. His declaration somehow healed you partly. You could tell you still looked like a stick, but you felt a part of yourself returning back to life, you no longer fading.

He had saved your life. And you did not know how to return the favor.

“You would be glad to know I love you too, Legolas. Thank you.” You gave him a sincere smile, it was the first time you have cracked a smile in a while, since the start of your time away from him.

Despite the tears that ran down his face, he couldn’t help but return the smile, completely taken aback, not what he had been expecting after all.

Everything gradually went back to normal for you. You instantly regained your appetite, so you were able to eat again without difficulty, no longer looking unhealthy. You were getting happy again, your interests came back to you, now easily reading the books you have always wanted to read, but were unable to read at first because of your broken heart.

Remember that walk you asked Legolas to go on with you a while back?

It was happening right now.

You weren’t exactly paying attention as you admired the view around you. Suddenly, you saw an arm waving all over your sight. “I asked you a question.” Legolas spoke up, a little annoyed since you weren’t listening.

“Sorry,” you apologized sheepishly, turning to Legolas, “I didn’t hear anything you said at all.” You admitted, and he playfully rolled his eyes at you. “I was asking you what broke your heart that time.” He asked, sounding serious. You both stopped walking. You sighed, you were still too embarrassed to admit it.

“I would tell you, but you would laugh at me.” You told him. He shook his head at you. “I would never laugh at something as serious as that.” He said sternly, and you nodded, taking a deep breath, getting ready for the moment he starts to laugh at you.

“I thought you liked Tauriel, and you were already spending a lot of time with her, so I couldn’t help but feel alone.” You told him, shrugging. You noticed he was grinning, and you sighed. “You were jealous?” Legolas asked curiously, and you nodded.

“You said you would never laugh, remember?” You pointed out. “Yes, but I didn’t think jealousy could kill you.” He expressed.

“We should think of it no longer. I think it is time for us to go back.” You suggested, and he slightly smiled, not failing to notice you suddenly changed the topic. He realized you didn’t want to talk about it anymore, and he decided to no longer bring up it ever again.

He offered you his hand. You gladly took it, intertwining your fingers together as you both made your way to wherever you were going.

Taglist: @aspiring-ginger

#lotr imagine #lord of the rings imagine #the hobbit imagine #legolas x reader #legolas imagine

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incorrect-kidge-quotes · 4 years

Text

Day 11 | Love potion

Day 11 | Love Potion/Cauldron

A/N: heads-up, slightly longer than my last few. Also, even though I don’t personally believe this to be one of my best written stories, I still really had fun writing it and I hope you all enjoy it!

How did we get in this situation? Was all that was running through Pidges head as she and Keith were pressed against each other in a maintenance closet on the castle. The two had to been so close to kissing each other before Lance and Allura almost walked in on them in the hallway.

“Well, that’s kind of a mood killer. Huh?” Keith joked.

“Heh, yeah” Pidge laughed nervously “Sorry. I don’t know why I pushed us in here. It’s not like they don’t already know.”

“Hey did you hear that?”

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Rewinding a couple of days, three of the five paladins walked down the halls “So you think this is going to work, Allura?” Lance asked, following after her with Hunk in tow.

“Pidge is highly intelligent, and Keith is clever in his own right. But both of them are completely oblivious, both when it comes to each other, and…” she cut herself off, giving a mischievous smile “Altean culture. Just a little misinformation here, a white lie there, and those two shall become even more inseparable.”

“Allow me to be the one to err on the side of caution” Hunk began as he sped up to get in front of the two “feel free to correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t it a little messed up to make them believe they are ingesting a fake love potion from an ancient Altean myth?”

Allura and Lance looked back and forth between each other and Hunk.

“Of course not!” Allura answered “I look at Pidge as the little sister I never got to have, I just want to give her a little nudge.” She smiled as she went back on her way. “It is not like it’s an actual potion to force them to love each other, just a placebo to make them admit it to one another.”

Hunk shook his head furiously “I only see bad things come from this.”

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On the other end of the castle, the two paladins in question were busy sparring with each other, with Shiro watching from above coaching over them, keeping them distracted while the others finished up the plan.

“Alright Pidge” Shiro spoke through the intercom to her helmet “shoot your bayard toward Keith, he’ll want to dodge, and what you’ll want to do is sweep his leg.”

Pidge grinned, doing as she was told and launching her weapon at Keith’s helmet, and just as Shiro predicted Keith dodged leaving himself wide open for the sweep.

“Ah, crap!” Keith shouted as he hit the ground with a loud thud.

“You good?” Pidge asked stretching her arm out to help him up.

“Yeah, nice read for that sweep.” Keith smiled, taking her hand.

She just replied with a nod, taking her helmet off to wipe the sweat from her face.

“Oh good, you guys are finished!” Hunk cheered as he walked into the training room “I just made some recovery drinks, with these cool ingredients from the castles garden.”

“The castle has a garden?” the two asked.

“Oh, yes” Allura answered for Hunk as he gave the drinks to the other two “we have some of the most diverse ingredients in the universe, all with many different effects and boons.”

After a moment of the two chugging their drinks and catching their breaths Pidge spoke up “I gotta say Hunk, whatever you made these from is really good!”

Allura grew a mischievous smile once again, now was the time to enact their plan. “Out of curiosity Hunk, what ingredients did you use?”

“Um, something that looked like kale, a white flower that resembled a honey-suckle, and a few green berries.” The big man explained, counting off each ingredient on his fingers.

The princess immediately had a shocked expression on her face.

“Allura? You okay?” Pidge asked.

“Hunk, did you say green berries?” she asked hesitantly.

“Yeah, why?

Allura started shaking her head vehemently “Oh no, no, no.”

“Why what’s wrong?!” Shiro asked.

“That green berry is an Altean wedding fruit! It’s there to celebrate the love two people have for each other!”

Lance stepped up, wrapping his arm around Alluras shoulder. “So what? It’s just a symbolic thing, right?”

“For the most part. But if taken in strong amounts, and if the two do feel something for the other, it will lower inhibitions.”

Hunks eyes went wide “Oh…”

“Shit.” Keith and Pidge finished.

After going to get checked out by Coran, and him subsequently telling them the berries should leave their system in a couple of days to a week depending on the amount, the two couldn’t spend two seconds together for the rest of the day. They purposefully went out of their way to not be in the same room as the other, growing an insane blush and sweating crazily the second they were around each other.

Then they got stuck on an elevator together.

Pidge couldn’t help it. She was in a very uncomfortable spot. There could be worse ways to tell a cute guy I like him, right?!

Meanwhile, Keith was dying on the inside. He was never really able to handle emotions very well, whenever he told Shiro he thought he may have feelings for Pidge, it mostly came out in a mish-mash of sounds instead of words. Now, it took every lesson of self-control Shiro had taught him to not act on the idea of confessing as much stuff as he could to Pidge.

“I’m sorry, if this- uh, makes you uncomfortable…” he awkwardly apologized.

“No- it’s not your fault.” She laughed nervously.

Then Keith had a thought, something to make her feel a little more comfortable and away for him to know if his confusing feelings were validated. “But I- uh, I guess we don’t really have anything to worry about. Because you’d have to have feelings for me, huh?”

Pidge shifted in place, hanging her head down. She felt like her face would catch on fire with the heat from the blush she felt in her cheeks. “Hrm.” She sounded off awkwardly.

Then Keith caught a glimpse of her face, he couldn’t believe it, was she really blushing? Well of course she was, but the real question was if she was blushing cause of the berries or cause she had feelings for him.

“Gah, this really isn’t how I expected to do things… but I’m kind of out of options. Keith, I do have something to worry about, because I do have feelings for you. Okay? Have for a while now. But I was content to just leave it be because I know you don’t have feelings for me.” She stopped, letting herself trail off “That’s why you said we wouldn’t have anything to worry about, right?”

Keith was stupefied, he really couldn’t believe what he just heard from her. “No, that’s not it at all. You basically said everything that was running though my mind. It’s just, I don’t really know how to do… this!” he finished gesturing all around him “Emotions aren’t really my strong suit. That’s why I guess part of me was kind of happy that this happened. I can’t say, stuff- and it sound the way I want. You know?”

“So, you do have feelings for me? I’m not crazy?” She laughed.

“Oh don’t get me wrong, you’re definitely crazy, you ever see what you do to your enemies? But seriously, I do like you Pidge.”

Pidge let out a sigh of relief. “Awesome. Also, is it just me or is this the longest elevator ride in history?”

“Did you ever hit the button?”

“… I thought you did.”

Oh my god, we could have just avoided all of that! They thought to themselves.

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Over the next few days, the two found themselves in slightly more and more intense situations until eventually they were about to kiss when they heard someone approaching.

“Well, that’s kind of a mood killer. Huh.”

“Heh, yeah” Pidge laughed nervously “Sorry. I don’t know why I pushed us in here. It’s not like they don’t already know.”

“Did you hear that?”

The two leaned their ears against the door, listening to the conversation between Lance and Allura.

“So, when do you think we should tell them there was no love potion, and they admitted everything on their own free will?”

“Never. You haven’t known Pidge or Keith as long as we have, if they find out what we did, they will kill us or worse. As far as they know, the ‘potion’ will leave their system in another day or so, and everything will go back to normal. Save for the fact, they both now know the truth.”

I’m going to kill him. Was the only thought shared as the maintenance closet door swung open.

#kidgetober #kidgetober 2020 #keith #pidge #kidge #keith x pidge #pidge x keith #peith #keidge #team forestfire #emobot #otp #vld

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amberlarks · 3 years

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“Half”, 2019-2021, oil on canvas, 48”x 60”. It’s about growing up half Asian in America. Art is about wearing your heart on your sleeve and I have a lot to share about this one. It would really mean a lot to me if you read the story behind it. I reflect on the current events of the past week and past year. It feels very vulnerable sharing all of this, but I also know how important it is to share. This is one of the most important and personal paintings I’ve made in my life and I’m so happy I finally finished it. Thank you for your support, your inspiration, and for listening❤️

Growing Up Half Asian in America: A Reflection on Identity and Racism

By Amber Larks

I finally found my words. Day 1 I had no words, only grief. Day 2 I was furious with rage. And now I feel a sense of healing. Grieving together and supporting each other even just virtually has been so healing. And it inspired me to finish a painting I started sketches for in 2019. I’m not sure what strange force or feeling came over me to put it down and not pick it up until now, but I think it was meant to be.

These two years have been huge for talks about race and I’ve learned so much. I think my painting was finally ready to be completed because of how much I’ve experienced and learned and because of that, found my voice and identity in this movement.

This painting was art therapy for me and I know a lot of people will connect with it. I had been struggling for so long on my thoughts on current events because I am half. Half Chinese and half white. Somehow, I always feel my thoughts or feelings aren’t valid because “I don’t know what it’s really like to be Asian”. I have always struggled with imposter syndrome because I’m half. I constantly straddle two worlds. But being Chinese is who I am, it’s half of me. I was gaslighting myself wondering if my grief was valid. Thoughts like: “You’re not really Asian so stop playing the victim here”, “People will think you’re just a white girl trying to look woke” and “You should be sad, yes, but grieving like you knew them? That doesn’t make sense”. How fucked up is that?

But this is what being half is like. You feel like an imposter even though it is 100% genuinely part of your identity. And I honestly think this is where a lot of my social anxiety comes from because I feel like I don’t fit in anywhere. But being half is also a beautiful blessing where I’ve cultivated a deep understanding and practice of empathy.

Being half, you experience direct racism but more often racism in the form of people being racist in front of you not knowing they are in front of an Asian person. My first memory of racism is being in second grade and two white boys in my class pulling their eyelids up and down taunting “Chinese” “Japanese” “Chinese” “Japanese”. I will always remember it and the feeling I felt.

And Seattle, my city, as much as a beautiful, progressive haven that we are, we blindly participate in passive aggressive racism. I can’t tell you how many times people have complained to me about “Asian tourists” as if they are not human, but instead an inconvenience to your white city. As if they are not people who have worked hard and saved for years to take their family on vacation, land in a foreign city with a foreign language only to be scoffed at and not welcomed. Where is our empathy there? Where is our humanity? So much of racism is not seeing others as human which makes it easy to be so cruel. The dehumanization of minorities is pure cruelness.

Maybe we don’t do things like you, look like you, or talk like you, but that doesn’t make us lesser. We have feelings. We feel pain. We have depth. We’re smart. We can read between the lines. We know when we are not welcome and it hurts. We know when we are being ridiculed and it hurts. We know Hollywood only sees us as objects and it hurts. We see our brothers and sisters getting murdered and it hurts.

Growing up half taught me to hide my Asian side because from age 5 I deemed it unsafe to show in fear of being bullied. As I grew up, I continued to hide in fear of being disrespected, stereotyped, harassed, and sexualized. That last one is huge for Asian women and disturbs me to my core. I hope I never hear the phrase “Asian persuasion” again or “exotic” like we are some seductive fetishized foreign object rather than individuals.

Also mixed kids need to be normalized. Being mixed is becoming more common now thankfully but growing up in the 90s and early 2000s, I had people ask me if I was adopted, if my mom was my nanny, or “what am I?” and “Where are you from?” This is so alienating. And we’re still at a point where we’re being fetishized because of “how exotic we look”. Please take a moment to understand why these are issues.

It’s only within the last few years that I’ve gotten more comfortable sharing my identity as the world becomes more accepting of different cultures. Although current events show why I’m still weary with sharing my identity with people I don’t know.

And yes, I am privileged in many ways to be white passing because I have the option to blend in easier. I have realized this year more than ever just how privileged I am and oblivious I was. But I also feel the weight of pain our communities feel. And grief is grief. Struggles are struggles. Pain is pain. We need solidarity to move forward.

So I’ve been really touched the past 24 hours how much support and outcry there has been. My boyfriend (also half Asian) and I were saying how it’s actually weird seeing all this Asian stuff. I had to do a double take at what was happening- to see so many people talking about it. We’ve always just dealt with it and somehow society made us feel that’s just how it was. We were used to it. We learned to expect it. You learned to deal with it. And you don’t complain. “People have it harder” “We’re lucky to be where we are”. Silent strength. And silent suffering.

I think of my grandma and her strength. And how she never complained. And it breaks my heart to think of the things she must have endured throughout her life. She was my hero. So strong and so quirky and so herself. And I think of how all of that is in my mom and my sister and I. Being Chinese to me is to be resilient. My people have been through so much yet we’re taught to keep our heads down, work hard, and not complain.

So it really warms my heart seeing so many people speaking out about this and supporting us right now. It’s really moving to see how much positive support can help heal a hurting community. Just seeing people speak up is healing in itself. That people are listening and our problems are actually real. That we’re not overreacting. Victims normally don’t see themselves as victims if they’ve been manipulated to think their pain is normal.

That’s how it’s been for Asian people. (model minority myth at play here). And this is the problem with the model minority myth: It is crafted out of white supremacy to preach “congratulations you should be proud you climbed your way out of poverty. Not like those other folks. Look at the bright side. Forget the rest. Forget the torment we put you through. Forget the past. Aren’t you so glad to be you, a model citizen, a respectable citizen” when in reality it is giving a false sense of security and false praise in a society that is still so very hostile towards you. It delegitimizes our pain and manipulatively puts us against other minorities. It “deems” us closer to white even though that’s not true at all. It’s not a scale of white to black and everything in between. We are all unique cultures and something we just happen to have in common is that we are all not white. We all know what it’s like to be the minority. And we have strength in solidarity.

This has been a moment of clarity for me for my identity. I grieved and I’m still grieving for those lost and their families. Because they could have been me. They could have been my own loved ones.

Empathy can create so much change and healing. So please, when a community calls out for help, please return the call. Picture yourself in their shoes. For them to endure so much pain to finally reach the breaking point of calling out for help- it means it’s serious.

This past year has shown how much white supremacy upholds our society. It really does permeate every major artery, crack and corner of this place. It’s also shown how easily it’s tolerated. Excuse after excuse is made to uphold it and it’s time for that to stop. Thank you thank you thank you to everyone being vocal about this, everyone who is evaluating how their thoughts, words, jokes, or actions could be part of the problem(it’s not your fault, it’s the society we grew up in), and to everyone who reached out. Thank you.

I feel like a weight has been lifted finishing this painting and at the same time I am finding peace with my identity. Being Asian is having an unspoken bond with other Asians because you’ve all been through similar struggles. You are brothers and sisters in solidarity. And that’s what I love about the Asian community. We have an unshakable strength in each other. But recently our community has been violently rocked and traumatized seeing our brothers and sisters murdered and abused. It takes a toll on a community. It’s a collective grieving we are going through. So thank you to everyone returning our call for help. Thank you for listening. And thank you for your love. We will heal but we will need everyone’s help to get rid of white supremacy, racism, and domestic terrorism. And until then we will continue to stand in solidarity with all communities fighting for the same cause✊

I ask of everyone reading this:

Please try and use a lens of empathy to understand why marginalized communities are marginalized as well as their history and struggles.

Please take the time to reflect in the moment if your everyday actions, words, and thoughts perpetuate stereotypes and racism. I’ve caught myself many times. It’s in all of us because we live in a toxic society built on white supremacy. But that’s where the progress comes- when you address it and try and fix it.

Please vote and support leaders who are anti racist. Who work to uplift all communities. Voting and activism works. Rhetoric matters. And politics is not just an old man’s game anymore.

Show solidarity. It means you care.

Have empathy. Do your part to make the world a better place- not just for yourself and the people you care about, but for every human being. The light in me honors the light in you❤️

#asian american #stopasianviolence #stopasianhate #half asian #half Chinese #half kids #mixed kids #racism #racism in America #solidarity #minority #Chinese American

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witchthewriter · 7 months

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𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑 𝒇𝒐𝒓 @lovelyartemisa.

𝐓𝐇𝐑𝐎𝐍𝐄 𝐎𝐅 𝐆𝐋𝐀𝐒𝐒

𝑫𝒆𝒔𝒄𝒓𝒊𝒑𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏

𝐼 𝑠𝘩𝑖𝑝 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑤𝑖𝑡𝘩 𝐶𝘩𝑎𝑜𝑙 𝑊𝑒𝑠𝑡𝑓𝑎𝑙𝑙! Stoic, loyal, dutiful. His eyes would be for you and only you. His eyes would never wander. And his love wouldn't waver. He will always be there for you, defend you, protect you and give his life for yours.

𝑯𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒄𝒂𝒏𝒐𝒏𝒔

Chaol smells of Cedarwood, Vanilla, and Amber. He bathes everyday in those oils, sometimes you join him ... sometimes he wakes up too early for you to join him (he's a morning person)

Loves when you fall asleep on him. Especially his chest, or shoulder or lap. Where he can hold you close. You like to listen to his steady heartbeat.

You had been pining over Chaol for a very long time. And he had no idea. Everyone else knew. But not him. He was completely oblivious, because why would someone as beautiful as you want him?

It wasn't until Aelin actually pointed it out that Chaol finally found out. She didn't tell him while you were there, to spare your embarrassment (she's a good friend of yours) and Chaol was stunned.

You like to run up behind him and tackle him to the bed. He likes a lot of physical touch and play. No one would think it, but he does.

𝑻𝒉𝒆𝒎𝒆 𝑺𝒐𝒏𝒈

Dance Me To The End Of Love by the Midnite String Quartet

𝑹𝒆𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑 𝑻𝒓𝒐𝒑𝒆𝒔

Madly In Love x Ridiculously Oblivious

It's Always Been You

Similar Personalities

𝑷𝒍𝒐𝒕 𝑻𝒓𝒐𝒑𝒆

You Fell First, But They Fall Harder

𝑻𝒉𝒆𝒊𝒓 𝒇𝒂𝒗𝒐𝒖𝒓𝒊𝒕𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒂𝒃𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖

That you're hardworking, dedicated and passionate. When you have your mind set on something, you won't let anything stop you from doing it. You're driven and stubborn and reliable.

𝒀𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒃𝒆𝒔𝒕 𝒇𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒏𝒅

𝐼𝑠 𝑁𝑒𝑠𝑟𝑦𝑛! I think you have this innate quietness that means you keep a lot to yourself. You aren't an open book, unless you're around people you like. You opened up to Nesryn easily and quickly - she had this stable, earth-like aura about her. Stable, grounded, and loyal, almost like a female Chaol (but more adventurous and cultured). You two are very, very close.

𝑾𝒉𝒊𝒄𝒉 𝒄𝒉𝒂𝒓𝒂𝒄𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝒚𝒐𝒖'𝒓𝒆 𝒎𝒐𝒔𝒕 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆

A mix between Nesryn, Yrene and Elide. You have a lot of potential inside you, a power, a hidden confidence that only some people see. You also have the sassiness and ability to give a witty quip when needed.

𝒀𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒑𝒆𝒕

A Wyvern, even though you're not a witch. A clutch of eggs were found in the Ferrian Gap, and the Ruk riders brought them back to Antica. As a surprise, Nesryn brought one back as a present for you. Chaol was absolutely ... worried about it. There was so much potential danger with this wyvern, but you wanted it so bad.

It hatched and grew quickly. A bit sickly at first, he was very small. But you helped him eat and drink, and even you helped him learn to fly!

𝐆𝐑𝐈𝐒𝐇𝐀𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐄

𝑫𝒆𝒔𝒄𝒓𝒊𝒑𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏

𝐼 𝑠𝘩𝑖𝑝 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑤𝑖𝑡𝘩 𝑀𝑎𝑡𝑡𝘩𝑖𝑎𝑠 𝐻𝑒𝑙𝑣𝑎𝑟! I think you two would work so well! It's like you two would balance each other out. He doesn't like fighting/confrontations either, but will get into it if it's about something he cares about. And if someone does anything to hurt you ... ooooooweeeeee, he would beat the living hell out of them.

𝑯𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒄𝒂𝒏𝒐𝒏𝒔

Protective Giant Teddy Bear BF; always gets things from the high shelf, gives you his jacket even if you aren't cold - is a bit traditional, but has the potential to be more open-minded if you want him to be

Loves when you massage his head, he gets a lot of headaches. Probably because he scowls a lot, and furrows his brows... or maybe he just thinks too hard?? Either way; his eyes turn to the back of his head when your hands connect with his scalp

Literally growls, has a lot of animalistic qualities and growling is the biggest show of it.

He likes to wash your hair for you. He admires your hair a lot and wants to make it as shiny and pretty as possible

Whenever you're out, he always has an arm around your shoulders. Especially when there's other men. He does get jealous easily but it's more of a protective thing than a jealous thing.

𝑻𝒉𝒆𝒎𝒆 𝑺𝒐𝒏𝒈

Like Real People Do by Hozier

𝑹𝒆𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑 𝑻𝒓𝒐𝒑𝒆𝒔

More Alike Than Different

Malewife x Girlboss

Places His Wife Above Everyone

𝑷𝒍𝒐𝒕 𝑻𝒓𝒐𝒑𝒆

Home Is Wherever You Are But People Keep Trying To Tear Us Apart

𝑻𝒉𝒆𝒊𝒓 𝒇𝒂𝒗𝒐𝒖𝒓𝒊𝒕𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒂𝒃𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖

You give him a run for his money; you have a lot of wit and determination. A lethal combination. He loves that about you, the multidimensional aspects of your personality. You can stump him on the daily.

𝒀𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒃𝒆𝒔𝒕 𝒇𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒏𝒅

Inej, you two would just get each other. On another level. One where you don't have to talk every single day whenever you're together. You're on the same page.

𝑾𝒉𝒊𝒄𝒉 𝒄𝒉𝒂𝒓𝒂𝒄𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝒚𝒐𝒖'𝒓𝒆 𝒎𝒐𝒔𝒕 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆

A mix of Inej and Alina. Quiet, mysterious, and keep to themselves. You aren't too loud and definitely not overbearing like some people.

𝒀𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒑𝒆𝒕

A gorgeous little kitten had appeared out of an alleyway as you walked down the road. He was meowing, almost trying to talk to you. And then you started talking back to him. And than before you knew it, you were home and you felt rude not inviting him in.

𝐒𝐓𝐑𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐄𝐑 𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒

𝑫𝒆𝒔𝒄𝒓𝒊𝒑𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏

𝐼 𝑠𝘩𝑖𝑝 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑤𝑖𝑡𝘩 𝑆𝑡𝑒𝑣𝑒 𝐻𝑎𝑟𝑟𝑖𝑛𝑔𝑡𝑜𝑛! The charming, effervescent man of Hawkins. I think you two would be the ruling pair of the town. The perfect duo, the banter would be off the charts, because there would always be this lighthearted feeling when the two of you are together.

𝑯𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒄𝒂𝒏𝒐𝒏𝒔

The kids LOVE YOU, well... the teenagers love you. Especially Dustin, who blushes whenever you're around. And yes, Steve teases him relentlessly about it

You do help babysit them, you're like the babysitting couple. They call you Mom and Dad. Steve even feeds them, makes sure they've drunk enough water. He honestly sees them as his own in a way.

You don't understand the Upside Down completely, but you don't need to - you just get right in there and fuck the consequences.

Steve absolutely adores you. And he shows you by remembering every detail about you. Buying you your favourite flowers, picking up your favourite take away for lunch and/or dinner. He's also very affectionate, and loves hugs, kisses,, especially forehead kisses

While also being a great couple, you're also great as best friends. You even have a secret handshake.

𝑻𝒉𝒆𝒎𝒆 𝑺𝒐𝒏𝒈

This Feeling by Alabama Shakes

𝑹𝒆𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑 𝑻𝒓𝒐𝒑𝒆𝒔

Hates Reading (Steve) x Lives For Reading (You)

Big Goals Girlfriend (You) x No Goals Boyfriend Who Tags Along Wherever She Goes (Steve)

Plant Dies (You) x Buys Them A New One (Steve)

𝑷𝒍𝒐𝒕 𝑻𝒓𝒐𝒑𝒆

Right Person, Wrong Time.

Had To Wait For Your Love

𝑻𝒉𝒆𝒊𝒓 𝒇𝒂𝒗𝒐𝒖𝒓𝒊𝒕𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒂𝒃𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖

Steve loves how creative you are! It blows his mind with what you come up with. Your imagination astounds him. He honestly sees you as some sort of genius. And yes, he does tell people his girlfriend is a genius.

𝒀𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒃𝒆𝒔𝒕 𝒇𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒏𝒅

Nancy. She really pushed you academically, you two would study together a lot. Gossip, sit together at school, and go to the library. You spend a lot of time together. And then she got together with Steve and it hurt. But you let it happen.

And years went by. Events happened. El came to Hawkins.

It took ages for Steve to realise his feelings but Robin helped him.

Nancy didn't mind at all that you two were together, it slightly hurt - but only slightly.

𝑾𝒉𝒊𝒄𝒉 𝒄𝒉𝒂𝒓𝒂𝒄𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝒚𝒐𝒖'𝒓𝒆 𝒎𝒐𝒔𝒕 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆

Nancy and Max. It's the love of reading, the bitchy side (as you said) that can come out, the determination and introvert who can become an extrovert when needed.

𝒀𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒑𝒆𝒕

Your neighbourhood knows who your dog is. The large black German Shepherd that barks at anything that moves. He's incredibly protective of you, and waits for you to come home every day. He's your best friend.

#witchthewriter #aesthetic #match ups #personal aesthetic #pair ups #throne of glass #throne of glass pair ups #stranger things match ups #grishaverse pair ups

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raysofcrosby · 4 years

Text

LITTLE DO YOU KNOW PT. 5

"𝘞𝘦 𝘴𝘵𝘰𝘰𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦, 𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘵 𝘦𝘢𝘤𝘩 𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳, 𝘴𝘢𝘺𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘯𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨. 𝘉𝘶𝘵 𝘪𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘥 𝘰𝘧 𝘯𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘮𝘦𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨." ━ 𝐉𝐞𝐧𝐧𝐲 𝐇𝐚𝐧, 𝐈𝐭'𝐬 𝐍𝐨𝐭 𝐒𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐞𝐫 𝐖𝐢𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐘𝐨𝐮

gif credit (x)

series masterlist

requested: yes | no

warnings: nada.

word count: 5,562 [ wow i write too much lmao ]

authors note: ok i’m so so sorry this took so long to get out, but it’s finally here! this series was such a bad idea bc writing it is lowkey making me fall in love with tyler lmao. i’m so sorry (again) that this is so late [i think like 2 weeks? a week? idk but still] and i swear i’ll update regularly now lol. i hit some writers block writing this, so i hope it doesn’t suck too much. i hope you all enjoy and as always, i love hearing from you guys– your theories of how the series as a whole will end, your likes/dislikes, anything! tysm for taking the time out of your day to read, ily and i hope your thanksgiving table is full of your favorite foods and surrounded by your favorite people!!

You weren't sure what exactly woke you up first– the slight throbbing of your head or whatever the hell was touching your face. It couldn't have been 10 AM yet, Kennedy knew the rule you guys had when it came to the morning after a big party, so there was no way she was trying to wake you up now. You groaned and rolled over, tugging your blanket with you and forcing yourself to fall back asleep. Suddenly, a huff of air followed by something wet, pressed against your ear. "Kennedy cut it off" you mumbled, waving your hand in that general direction...only to touch something soft and furry. You opened an eye and looked over to see Cash sitting next to you wiggling his but against the blanket as if he was waiting for you to greet him. "Hi boy," you yawned, rolling over onto your back and patting your stomach. He immediately put two paws onto your chest and started to lick your face. "Okay, hi, I can't breathe,"

You laid there, trying your best to focus on your surroundings as you rubbed the top of Cash's head, which was now rested on your chest. In the first few moments, you were wondering why the hell one of Tyler's dogs was in your dorm room. When your eyes took in the fancy, less dorm-esque furniture around you, you realized that you were at Tyler's. Okay, so maybe Tyler was being a good friend and teammate and Big Rig called him for a ride. Everyone must have been so obnoxiously drunk that Tyler decided that instead of walking the three of you to the dorm, he'd just have you crash at his place.

That thought seemed extremely logical until you remembered that sometime before everything started to blur, Big Rig and Kennedy had left the party. Okay, so maybe it was just you that stayed here, which made perfect sense. The boys were set to leave this morning to fly to Winnipeg for the beginning of their road series and you always took care of the dogs, so maybe Tyler just brought you here early. Tapping Cash on the nose, he stood up and jumped off of the bed you were lying in. You took a deep breath and yawned before throwing off your blankets and sitting up. He greeted you on the other side of the bed before walking into the bathroom.

Wait...Tyler's guest room didn't have an attached bathroom.

Slowly, you looked around the room again to notice that there were little things left out, throughout the room. Receipts, clothes hamper, suits still in their dry cleaning plastic. Holy shit. "Oh no," You stood up quickly, almost making yourself dizzy as it settled into your brain– you were in Tyler's room. "No, no, no no, I didn't," you rushed into the bathroom after Cash and came to a stop in front of the mirror. You were wearing a Dallas Stars dri-fit that sported Tyler's 91 on both sleeves and when you turned slightly, you could even see his last name labeled across the back. "Please tell me that I didn't."

You closed your eyes and grabbed onto the bottom of the shirt, lifting it slightly before peeking through one of your eyes to see that you still had on your black spandex from the night before. "Oh thank God," you sighed, leaning forward and resting your hands onto the marble bathroom counter. You looked back up at your reflection to see that your face was...surprisingly clean. You must have remembered to take your make-up off the night before. You could hear beeping coming in from the bedroom and you walked back to the bed to see your phone screen lit up with messages.

Picking up your phone, you unlock it and click on Kennedy's message to see a mix of some from the last night and just now.

"HE DID WHAT?! OH, WE'RE SO SPIKING HIS CHIPOTLE BOWL THE NXT TIME WE SEE HIM."

"OH SHIT GET IT GURLLLLL"

"okay damn. 12 pm and you haven't texted me back or open any of my snaps. did the dick appointment with tyler kill you?"

"dick too bomb?"

"okay but seriously are you alive rn or should i send 911?"

Your eyes widened with every message you read. It wasn't possible, you were still dressed...granted, in Tyler's shirt and your bandeau was gone...oh no. You scrolled up to the last message you had sent her to see that it was a picture of Tyler's back as he was walking towards his closet, taken from an angle that would only be possible if you were sitting on the edge of his bed. It wouldn't be that bad if you hadn't sent a text along with it that said– "dick me down daddyyyyyy 🥰🤪🤤

You felt a chill travel down your spine as your sent Kennedy and thumbs up and a 'we'll talk later' message before locking your phone again. Okay, so maybe it was possible, that you and Tyler did have sex last night. But, and you felt extremely bad for thinking this, but...wouldn't you at least remember it? You almost considered asking him that very same question but decided that maybe a more, subtle and less offensive approach would be best. You sighed, rubbing your eyes as you walked out of the bedroom, already planning the awkward conversation you'd have with Tyler. But at least you wouldn't have to have it until he came back from his road trip.

As you walked down the stairs, the closest you got to the bottom of the steps you could hear some music coming from the kitchen. You slowed down, wary of who else could be in the house as you quietly walked through the living room and peeked around the wall to see Tyler. You ducked back behind the wall, shaking your head to yourself before checking your phone again. It was almost 12:30 and instead of being on a plane...Tyler was dancing in front of a stove, shirtless.

You peeked back around the corner as the song señorita played from the small Bluetooth speaker on the counter. He was completely oblivious to your presence, which only allowed you to admire his bareback. Pale as he may be, you couldn't help but almost drool at the definition in his back muscles as he worked whatever he was cooking on the stove. Your eyes traveled down to the band of his sweatpants and you titled your head to the side. He was right, he had some serious buns of steel.

"Okay no, get a grip Y/N. Stop being a creep," you mumble to yourself, taking a deep breath before stepping out from around the corner. You walked over to a stool at the counter and sat on it, resting your elbows on to the counter as Tyler was still oblivious to your presence. "Nice moves Seguin."

He whipped around so fast that he almost slipped on the kitchen floor. His eyes widened until he saw it was you and then he relaxed, though he was still holding up his spatula as if he was going to use it as a weapon. "Holy shit," he exhaled, pointing the spatula at you. "Warn a guy next time, eh? You're just in time by the way."

He grabbed a plate from his left and turned back around. "For what? You to hit me to death with," you gasped, bringing a hand over your heart, "a kitchen utensil?"

"Ha Ha," he said sarcastically as he turned back around and placed the plate down in front of you. "Your toast might be a bit cold considering you slept like a dead person, but the omelette is warm, so bon apétite."

You picked up the fork he placed down next to the plate and looked at the food as he went back to the stove. Not only could you get used to the view, but you could also get used to Tyler cooking meals for you. He turned off the stove and turned back, placing his plate on the counter and staying across from you. "Sorry, I don't know what you eat, so I just made what your brother normally eats. I'm assuming you have similar tastes."

"That we do," you smiled, picking up a piece of toast and nodding at him. "Thanks, this is great."

"Cool, enjoy," he just nodded and went back to focusing on his breakfast.

An awkward silence settled between the two of you, the only sounds being your forks clanking against your plates or the dogs' paws moving across the floor. He didn't bother to look back up at you since you thanked him for the breakfast and you couldn't help but wonder why he's not the least bit bothered that you woke up in his bed. You grew up with two manly, hocking playing brothers, so based on experience, you knew that the odds of him hiding his panic was probably slim. Unless that was the reason why he wasn't even bothered to start a conversation with you? What if you did have sex with him last night and him making breakfast for you was his way as trying to brush it off? Cause that's a thing, right? Hookups get breakfast the next morning? God, you felt so out of tune with hook-up culture these days since you'd been chained down in a shitty, toxic relationship for the last few years.

You cleared your throat, pushing around a cut off part of your omelette. "So um..."

He looked up at you, holding his fork in front of his mouth. "Yeah?" He brought the fork into his mouth, chewing the bite of his omelette he had cut off.

"Didwehavesexlastnight?"

His eyes went wide as he coughed, nearly choking on his food. He hit his chest a few times before turning away from you and taking a long sip of water and looking back at you, still panicked. "I'm sorry, what?"

You took a deep breath, letting the fork rest on your plate. "Did we have sex...last night?"

He downed some more water, shaking his head. "No, we didn't." Before you could get your follow up question to leave your lips, he cut you off. "I slept in the theatre."

"Oh," was all you could say as you looked down at your plate, turning as red as one of the tomatoes in a bowl on his counter. "Well uh, this is awkward."

And disappointing, but you knew you probably shouldn't say that.

He slid your glass of water closer to you, nodding down at it. "Do you even remember anything from last night?"

"I remember the party and doucheface Cole cheating on me," you crossed your arms on the counter and shrugged your shoulders. "But the last thing I remember is getting into your car and everything after is a blur."

"I kind of figured it would be, you were off in la-la land the entire car ride, and then when we got here," he pursed his lips and raised his eyebrows. "The drinks hit you like a truck."

You groaned and rested your head onto the counter, enjoying the cool marble against your forehead. "I don't even want to know what I did."

"Well, you tripped in the garage, broke your jack daniels' pants and then told me that my dogs love you more than me, which is probably true," he laughed, taking your plate away from you and walking to the sink. "And then you tried to do God knows what and run into my living room and when I threatened to carry you upstairs, you ogled my body and said 'yes please'"

You shot your head up and grabbed the paper towels off of the rack near you, raising them. "No I didn't....ogle your body."

He shrugged his shoulders, "alright, whatever you say, drunky. Anyway, we went upstairs, I grabbed you some clothes...well, a shirt and then you uh," You could see a red tint start to form on his cheeks.

"Okay, okay you can stop," you waved your hands in front of him, shaking your head. "I don't need to know any more. But I will ask one question, why aren't you on a plane to Winnipeg?"

"Game got rescheduled. The weather up there is pretty shitty, so we don't leave for Calgary until Tuesday." He put the dishes into the dishwasher before coming back onto the counter and resting his elbows down. "So, are you going to tell me what happened last night?"

"What do you mean? You just told me?"

"No, I told you what happened last night when I got to you. I have no idea what happened before you called me."

You took a deep breath and shrugged your shoulders, clasping your hands together and smiling at him. "I mean, what else is there to say besides the fact that my boyfriend...ex-boyfriend, of two years has been cheating on me for three months?"

Tyler went to reply, but you cut him off. "Not to mention, that dress I wore to your Halloween party? The one Cole spilled a drink on and then blew up on me for ruining it? Yeah, it turns out that it was her dress," You scoffed, feeling the urge to cry become stronger. "No wonder he was so worried about it. But don't worry, she said her dad's dry-cleaner was able to get the stain out."

"Y/N..."

"You know what the worst part about all of that is?" You looked at him, eyes brimmed with tears. "She's so nice that I can't even hate her. Cole's a manipulator and I think I feel more upset at the fact that she was fooled, rather than him cheating on me. Does that mean something's wrong with me? The fact that I can't bring myself to dislike the 'other woman'? I mean, aren't I supposed to hate her?"

Tyler just stared at you, his mouth opened slightly as he looked away. You couldn't help but laugh because he just looked absolutely clueless about what he was supposed to do. "No, don't worry about it," you sniffled and wiped your cheeks of the slight evidence of tears and smiled at him. "You may have two sisters, but just like Jamie and Jordie, you're a tad bit clueless on what to say in this situation."

"I mean, yeah I don't know what to say because I'm not sad that you dumped him. Am I pissed that he cheated on you? Hell yeah, because I've told you once and I'll tell you again...you deserve so much better than that." He stood up and walked out of the kitchen, coming to a stop at the stool beside you. "I'm just sorry that he hurt you like that and I hope that I never see his bench-warming ass again or–"

"You'll put him in an ER bed, yeah yeah I've heard it before." You sighed, looking up from the counter and at Tyler, giving him an appreciative smile. "Just don't let him touch your pretty face."

"You think my face is–"

"I mean that is how you get all of your endorsements."

He rolled his eyes and shoved you as he walked into the living room. "I'll have you know, I get my endorsements from my killer body, more than my face."

I believe that, you thought, only to clear your throat and step out of the stool.

"So what are your plans for the day? I can give you a ride back to campus now if you'd like."

You sighed, leaning against the back of the couch belonging to the cushion Tyler was sitting on. "Well, I was planning on slaving away in the library all day, just to go over notes and stuff, but now...." You chewed the inside of your cheek slightly, avoiding Tyler's gaze. "Now I just kind of want to lower the risk of ever running into them on campus, but I also know that I can't just hide away in my dorm room forever."

Moments of silence passed between the two of you before Tyler stood up and walked out of the living room. When he came back, he had a shirt tossed over a shoulder, he changed into gym shorts and was smiling. "Grab the dogs for me?"

"What?" He walked out of the room again as he put on his shirt. "Why?"

"Because...just because."

You walked towards the front door where the dogs' leashes were kept. "Can you at least clue me in?"

He came around the corner from the kitchen with all three dogs following behind him and a big smile on his face. "We're going for a run."

"A RUN?!" The question came out a lot louder than you intended it to, followed by a confused look. "I can't go for a run."

"Exercising helps a hangover, Y/N. Trust me, you'll be fine."

"No, it's not that. It's just I..." you crossed your arms and sighed. "I don't have a sports bra and I doubt my bandeau would do any good if I could even find it."

Tyler instinctively looked at the shirt before clearing his throat and looking away. "Oh yeah, about that," he disappeared down the hall again, coming back with your bandeau in hand. "You kind of threw it on the floor last night before uh–" he coughed, nodding his head. "Never mind. But, I washed it with a laundry load this morning, so it's clean." He handed it to you and once again, you felt embarrassed. "So, no run, maybe just a walk instead?"

You nodded, holding onto the bandeau tightly. "Yeah, a walk sounds great. Just let me put this on and we can go."

He nodded and grabbed all three leashes from you before turning towards the dogs. You walked into the bathroom downstairs and shut the door behind you. Looking down at your former missing bandeau and remembering about what Tyler said, you couldn't help but think.

Why the hell did you throw your bandeau onto the ground and what was he going to say before changing the subject?

❒❒❒❒

Tyler was right, exercising did help you feel better. Sure, it wasn't the exercise he originally planned– but both the nice, strangely cool air, and being with Tyler and the dogs...helped a lot. You walked around the neighborhood a few times, even stopping at the small dog park and letting the dogs run around for a while. It was here while taking a quick break, Tyler suggested that you could hang out with him and the dogs for a little while longer, just to make sure that yours odds of running into either Cole or Paisley were extremely slim. You definitely weren't opposed to the idea and had to make sure that you gave a convincing performance of you contemplating whether or not it was a good idea. Though in reality, you wanted to say yes the moment the idea was spoken into existence.

When you guys got back to his house, the cool air had disappeared and Tyler suggested that you guys go hang out by the pool. You reluctantly, and after plenty of reassurance that it was washed, wore a bathing suit from Tyler's 'Lost and Found' and swam with the dogs while Tyler made you guys his 'special drink.' It took all of the power in you to refrain from laughing when he brought out a pack of white claws– though you did call him a basic white girl, to which he didn't even bother to argue. Any sense of awkwardness that once existed from earlier in the day, was completely gone by the time Tyler cannonballed into the pool. Whenever you guys were in the water, you were either playing keep-away with the dogs' toys or busy splashing or dunking the other under the water. You were the first one to initiate getting out of the pool and moving over to his jacuzzi, but it only took a few seconds for Tyler to follow you over– after he put the dogs away in the wet room so they weren't running wild before they could be hosed down.

The two of you sat in there and talked for what felt like hours, about anything and everything. He seemed really interested in your schoolwork, asking you about the courses you'd taken the last four years, what got you into the career choice. The conversation went from school to Toronto, your shared dream travel destinations, your childhoods, and as cheesy as it sounds, your fears and dreams. It was all so...personal, like two friends just passing the time, and you loved it. You weren't sure how long the two of you had been out there talking, but when you did notice that time had passed, the sun was starting to set and you were starving. Tyler ordered pizza for dinner and helped you hose off the dogs. He struggled to get Cash to cooperate until you distracted him by scratching his ears. At that point, Tyler probably sprayed you more with the hose than Cash, but you got your revenge when it came time to hose down Gerry. The young dog wanted to do anything BUT get hosed down, which resulted in Tyler having to chase him down, carry him out of the pool and hold him still, which is how you got your revenge.

After the dogs were hosed off, Tyler put them away into their designated room until they dried off. He offered for you to take the first shower, and before you could protest, saying that you had no clothes, Tyler replied 'I've got it covered.' You finished up your shower to see that he had laid out some sweatpants and another Stars 'Seguin' t-shirt out on his bed with a note that said 'don't worry, the sweats aren't from the L&F– they're Cassidy's.'

Any worry you had about you taking too long to shower was swept away during the time that you waited downstairs for Tyler to get done. In the time that he was upstairs, the pizza was delivered, the dogs were dried and fed, and you had gone through his DVR list and found a pleasant surprise– he had at least five Hallmark Christmas movies recorded. When he came downstairs, he was a little scared of the knowing smile on your face and when you asked why he had Hallmark Christmas movies recorded, he blushed and rubbed the back of his neck saying that he was thinking about giving them a try...since you gave them such a glowing recommendation. You guys hung out on the couch, sharing a blanket and just eating your pizza and watching Hallmark Christmas movies, most of which you've already seen.

After you finished the second movie, it was almost 9:30 and you definitely needed to get back home to your dorm. You told Tyler you could just order an uber back, not wanting to bother him anymore– but he insisted that he take you back to the dorm– and that offer sent the butterflies throughout your body. You never wanted the car ride to end, but with Tyler living as close as he did, you knew that eventually, it had to. This entire day was just, perfect. It was everything that you needed for what felt like a long time, and you couldn't help but be amazed that it happened with Tyler.

"I already told you, you really don't have to walk me to my dorm," you sighed, crossing your arms as you held onto your lanyard.

Tyler tugged on his hood, making sure it wouldn't fall off. "And I'm telling you, again, to suck it up because I'm doing it."

You laughed and rolled your eyes as you walked down the hallway and to your door. "You need to work on your arguments, they suck."

He just gave you a sarcastic smile as you opened the door and walked inside. "SHUT THE DOOR!"

Your eyes went wide as you saw Big Rig almost fall off of the bed while trying to grab the blanket. "OH MY GOD."

"Sorry, dude!" Tyler said, grabbing your elbow and pulling you back into the hallway, closing the door behind you. "So...that just happened."

"Oh my God," you said, bringing your hands to your temples. "Were they just?"

"Going at it? In the middle of coitus? Participating in sexual relations? Having sexua–"

You covered his mouth, giving him a glare. "You can stop now, I know what they were doing."

His laughter vibrated your hand and you pulled it away as he nodded at the door. "I guess we should give them some time to clean up?"

You knocked on the door, standing close to it. "Text me when the two of you are decent, please." Turning back to Tyler you smiled, "Walk you to your car?"

"I'd be honored."

As you made the walk out of the building and to the parking lot, you took notice of how the silence between you was comfortable and nothing like the awkward silence from this morning. Tyler had his hands buried in his sweatshirt pockets, whistling to señorita and walking at your pace.

"This seems a little opposite of how it was supposed to go, doesn't it?" He laughed, looking at you.

"Well, consider me your bodyguard so you don't get ambushed by fans, yeah?"

He took the time to check you out, his stare making your stomach feel all warm inside. "Nah, you're too scrawny to protect me," he reached out and grabbed your bicep. "Your arms have no muscle."

"Uh, rude!" You scoffed, slapping his hand away as he laughed. "I'm sorry not all of us can freely eat a million carbs and still look like you."

"I'll take that as you appreciate my good physique." He laughed, letting the silence settle back in as you reached his car.

You could hear his keys rattling in his sweatshirt pocket as the two of you stood by the drivers' door. You brought your hands into the long sleeve shirt before crossing your arms and rocking back on your heels. "Thanks for last night, you really didn't have to do that."

"Will you stop apologizing, Y/N?" He said, shaking his head. "I'd help you no matter what the situation."

"Cause I'm Jamie's sister?"

The question came out before you could even speak and the tone hid a bit of harshness in it. You didn't know what you meant by the question. Whether you wanted it to be a neutral one or one where for a split second, you despised the fact that he was your brother's best friend, and that that small fact could be in the way of any potential relationship between the two of you.

Tyler shook his head. "No. Because you're important to me."

The fact that his answer, at least to you, seemed to be leaning in the exact direction that you wanted it to, made you happy. You sighed, leaning against his car. "Thank you for today, too, Tyler. I needed that, like...really needed it."

"I had a lot of fun and the dogs love you," he smiled kicking his shoe out towards you and nudging against your leg. "You'll have to go for walks with us more often, I swear they behave better when you're around."

"I can do that. So you really had fun today? Even with the Christmas movies?"

His smile overtook his face as he looked down, rolling his head back before looking at you again. "I guess they're not that bad."

"Oh come on, you loved ‘Christmas Under Wraps!’"

"I still stand by what I said. It was very obvious from the beginning that Garland was the North Pole and that his dad was Santa!"

You laughed and rolled your eyes as your phone vibrated in your pocket. You took it out to see a text from Kennedy saying that she and Big Rig were dressed. You sighed, putting the phone away and looking back at Tyler. "Kennedy says they're decent now, thank God. I don't think I'll ever be able to get that image of his bare ass out of my head."

Tyler just laughed before standing up. "I'll walk you back to your dorm and–"

You reached out and touched his chest, stopping him from walking any further. "Nope, you've got to get home to our puppers and give them the attention that they apparently so desperately need."

He looked at you with a look that you've only seen whenever he was flirting with someone in a bar– it was his flirty look, followed by his famous smirk. "Our puppers?"

"I take care of them when you're gone, so yes. Our puppers, now go!" You pushed him back slightly as he unlocked his car and opened the door. You turned around and walked up onto the curb, starting to walk back to your dorm.

"Y/N, wait!"

You stopped and turned around to see that he was jogging the short distance to you. He looked nervous and you just reached out with your foot and nudged his leg. "Feel free to speak before the sun rises, Seguin."

He took a deep breath as he chewed on the inside of his cheek as if he was going back and forth with himself in his thoughts. Instinctively, you reached out and touched his arm, scared that something might be wrong. "Tyler, what's wrong?"

He looked down at your hand and when you started to let it fall, he held onto it, intertwining his fingers with yours. "I mean it," he said, letting out a hard breath. "when I said that you're important to me...I meant it."

His face gave off the impression that there was more that he needed to say, but wasn't sure on how to say it– but you couldn't hear anything even if he was able to say it. Your heart was beating against your chest so hard that you're sure Tyler could hear it. When he said it the first time, you weren't all that sure of what he meant– you only hoped that it meant what you thought it could. But this time, the way he said it...you knew, and that was enough to send your nerves into a spiral. Before your mind could even begin to come up with a response, Tyler leaned in and pressed his lips softly against yours.

In what felt like minutes, but was really only a few milliseconds– you took in the way of how soft his lips felt. Forcing yourself to memorize how his beard scratched your own skin and the smell of his cologne. In case this was all a fluke and it never happened again, you needed to be able to save those tiny details in the back of your mind. When his hands came up to cup your face, that's when it settled in– this was real.

Tyler was kissing you, this wasn't a dream.

You grabbed onto his sweatshirt, closing the distance between your bodies and trying to pull him closer than was physically possible. You've wanted this for what felt like, and could possibly be, years. And now it was happening and you never wanted it to end. The moment you made the move to take the kiss from PG to at least some good PG-13 action, Tyler pulled away.

You didn't want to open your eyes, scared that if you did, Tyler would probably be looking at you with some sort of regrettable expression– and seeing that would probably break you. Because even though he made the first move, you were unsure of whether or not it was something he wanted to do. You opened your eyes anyway to see Tyler standing there with wide eyes, but a small smile– as if he was surprised himself that he had kissed you. He reached down and held onto your hand again, squeezing it. "I had a lot of fun."

Just as soon as he had squeezed your hand, he let it go, turned back and jogged to his car. He wasted no time getting inside and turning it on and before you could even wave goodbye, he was already making his way out of the parking lot.

You stood there for a few seconds, watching him disappear from view and still in shock from what just happened. He had actually made a move. Weeks of back and forth and he had finally done what Kennedy and Big Rig said he probably wanted to do. It wasn't an extravagant kiss in any way. It was a simple, yet perfect kiss that set your body on fire.

You laughed to yourself, running your tongue along your teeth before shaking your head and walking back to your dorm. There were a lot of things that you knew about Tyler. Some you'd learned years ago, some you learned through the press, and some that you had just learned today. Of all of the things that you knew, your favorite had to have been the one you found out just moments ago.

That with a kiss so frustratingly innocent and perfect, one that still left a lingering feeling of his lips against your own– he managed to set fire to your entire body...and left you wanting so much more.

#tyler seguin imagine #tyler seguin oneshot #tyler seguin writing #dallas stars imagine #dallas stars oneshot #dallas stars writing #hockey imagine #hockey writing #hockey oneshot #nhl imagine #nhl writing #nhl oneshot #ldyk fic #my writing

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lina-lovebug · 4 years

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Udo headcannon: Jungle Fey Healer

- You and Udo grew up together, experiencing the great things in life while soaring through the great blue skies.

- But that also meant that you went into hiding together.

- Before that, the humans taught you how to medicate people and properly heal them, and that's what you did with Udo.

- He was injured trying to escape the massacre of your people, and an arrow pierced his wing.

- It was the first time you had seen him cry and in so much pain as well. It took months to heal, but with the proper ointment and wrapping, it was as good as new.

- And over those months, he fell for you.

- Even though he'd be in discomfort the entire time, he loved watching you work your magic and how you'd make medicine just for him.

- You were so caring and considerate, but wouldn't let him give up on himself when he would attempt to fly but couldn't because of the unbearable pain.

- "I am useless now, (Y/N). You should have left me for dead-"

"Don't you dare say that! This stuff takes time, Udo, and the children are worried sick about you. They would be so saddened if you had never made it here. You are not useless and never will be. You mean too much to us - to me."

- But he'd never tell you. He treasures your friendship bond so much to ever risk breaking it.

- He was completely fine admiring your brilliant rainbow wings from afar.

- Which he LOVED btw.

- He always insisted that they were beautiful compared to his, and would often make excuses to groom them.

"I think I see some dirt in them, may I get it out?"

- BUT HE'S ALSO FUCKING OBLIVIOUS.

- From flirting to playful banter, he had no fucking clue. You even went as far as sitting on his lap and wrapping an arm around him at one of the bonfires, but he just saw it as TWO BUDS HANGING OUT AND BEING BROS.

- You had had enough and just walked up to him one day at his nest and kissed him.

- "(Y/N), what a pleasant surp-mm!"

"Udo, I'm in love with you. I've loved you for years now, and I want a stronger bond than our friendship. I want to grow with you and have children, and teach them our culture and to be forever in love with you."

- HE. DID. NOT. FUCKING. HESITATE.

- He immediately kissed you back with just as much fire and passion, happy to finally be with the one Fey he loves most in this world.

- You ended up having a baby boy a few months later, who has his fathers bright blue eyes and gorgeous smile, but your horns and wings. Udo came up with the name Aeolus.

- Aeolus was two when Maleficent came, and she absolutely adored him. You two became best friends and you named her his godmother.

- Another beastie to look after ;)

- But you were gravely injured during the Battle of Ulstead, and even the best doctors didn't think you were going to make it.

- But Udo watched you work for years, and knew exactly what to do. He was determined and refused to let you go.

- He patched up your broken wing, sewed your wounds shut and cleaned them everyday while you were in comatose, and Maleficent used her magical to keep you healthy and breathing.

- After a month, you woke up and you awoke to Udo in tears. You both shared a loving kiss and embraced your family, never wanting to let go ever again.

- After a few more years, you had a girl that you named Devika and Aeolus couldn't be happier to have a little sister to look after.

- She has your eyes and facial features, but her father's wings and horns. But when she smiles, her eyes scrunch up and you can see the very essence of Udo in them.

- You are his healer, and he is yours.

(Requested by @crypticcatalys )

#maleficent #maleficent borra #maleficent 2 spoilers #maleficent movie #maleficent2 #maleficent 2 #udo

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roseskiesandbutterflies · 3 years

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Le Démon Déchu - Chapter 1: Nouveau Départ

Summary: The summary is kind of long so please check a previous part or my masterlist if you want to read it.

Warning(s): implied/referenced trauma, swearing (this goes for probably every chapter, but I’ll keep putting it here)

Word Count: 2.8k+

Inspiration: Do You Know What Eternity Is? by Elderly_Worm on AO3, Great Omens (The Big One) by falsepremise on AO3, Pray For Us, Icarus series by Atalan on AO3, Demonology and the Tri-Phasic Model of Trauma: An Integrative Approach by Nnm on AO3, Doctor Who (don’t ask) and, of course, Good Omens itself

A/N: This was probably a bad idea, considering I have three other series on the go right now as well as a one-shot that isn’t done yet, but life’s too short so here it is. Updates on all of my works are going to be a bit slower from now on now I’m back at school (I’m in Year 11 too so I have even less time to write these days), so just bear with me. I promise I have a plan for the next twenty chapters at least, I am planning for this to be longer, but I haven’t decided where I’m going to take the rest of the story yet.

By the way, you can imagine Eloise to look like whoever you want because I’ve been a bit vague with her descriptions, but I imagine her to look something like @angelknives13 on TikTok.

As I do for most of my stories, I’ve made a Spotify playlist for this fic! Just copy and paste the link below to listen and remember that I’ll probably keep adding to it. Please listen at your own discretion because some of the songs contain spoilers. Just be wary of that. Also, some of the songs’ lyrics don’t actually make sense/relate to the story, but they’re on there because they fit the general vibe of the story. Hopefully, that makes sense.

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6BaXMlb26dBYyhRCqXrEeP?si=6rY8lOkeSSmE8LRDC_Cb5w

Taglist: @bhmay @briarrose26

Ask or comment to be on my taglist! Let me know if it’s for a specific fandom(s) or series. Full list is in my bio.

Fool (upright) + Six Of Swords (upright)

New beginnings. Transition. Shaking things up a bit.

She called herself ‘Eloise’. That wasn’t her real name. She hadn’t been referred to by her real name for an awfully long time. No, Eloise is what she called herself so Eloise she was. Somewhere along the line, humans had decided that one’s name should have a meaning, and in some cultures that that name should tell of your past and also of your future. Eloise had been all for this notion, thinking it a marvellous idea. She’d then found out that the meaning bestowed upon her chosen name was ‘famous warrior’, which she thought was rather accurate. For before all else, Eloise was a fighter. She had fought tooth and nail to carve out the identity she had cultivated for herself and by God was she willing to fight again to keep it that way. It was an identity that she kept in her metaphorical left breast pocket, right next to her metaphorical beating heart; right where she could have it close to her, always and forever, but also where she could take it out, hold it in the palm of her hand and just admire it from time to time before popping it back in the metaphorical pocket, safe and sound. Art for art’s sake. It was an identity that she had chiselled out of the finest marble, chipped at to perfection or the closest thing to it, so that now it was the image of a Roman bust, of an ancient and long-forgotten deity. It was taller than giants and softer than the clouds above her head, richer than the finest food that the humans could create and more complex than the human mind. It burned with the heat of a thousand fires, never to be doused nor tamed. It flowed freer than the flow of a thousand rivers, winding and twisting through the corners and crevices of her mind–

She looked at it for a second longer before placing it back ever so carefully in the metaphorical pocket. It’s healthy to admire one’s soul every now and again but look into its depths for too long and you will get sucked into your own vanity. So, she returned it home to the pocket, where it belonged.

After all, there were things to be getting on with.

*************

I would like to see that light once more. […] The light of the hour before the sun goes down. When every object begins to glow with its own light and gives off its own particular colour.

– Christa Wolf (Cassandra: A Novel and Four Essays)

*************

There was something about evening sunshine. The sun beats down on every little thing without mercy during the day, but five o’clock rolls around before long and everything turns sweeter. The usually red bricks of identical townhouses glow orange as they cast shadows down on passers-by, the leaves of oak trees turn golden-green as they sunbathe, not all that different to the humans that seek them for shelter. The breeze blows a little cooler, the sun shines a little softer, the sky rejoices in the oil painting below it. Sunbeams caress your face, holding you in an embrace that’s warm and comforting and oh-so-familiar. It feels like returning home, and in some ways it is.

Aziraphale loves to read at this time. Though nothing should be inferred from this, as Aziraphale loves to read at any and all hours of the day and night. Aziraphale would read all day, every day for the rest of time if he could. Unfortunately for him, he can’t do such a thing, but he does read an awful lot, and he likes to make a point of always reading in the evenings. He would swap his east-facing desk for the comfort of his lapis-coloured armchair, where the window that peers over his left shoulder tries to read with him in comfortable silence. The sunlight spills into the room, casting the soft pages beneath his fingertips in a homely, golden glow, illuminating and enhancing the words printed on them. Dust particle dance like fairies in this natural spotlight, but Aziraphale is, more often than not, too engrossed in his reading to pay attention to things like these.

He is not, however, too oblivious to notice sudden noises. Unfortunately for him, Aziraphale tended to find them too loud to ignore most of the time.

His head popped up like a meerkat when he heard the bell hanging above the bookshop door ring, its tune singing out and filling the quiet of the room. The noise of outside chatter and traffic disappeared as quickly as it came as the door swiftly opened and closed. His brows furrowed in confusion, for he was sure that that door had been locked ever since that phone call he’d had with Crowley which had eventually resulted in the latter coming to stay with him, and as far as he knew, Crowley was upstairs somewhere, probably watching yet more reruns of Golden Girls. He rose cautiously and ventured into the main shop, worst case scenarios flooding his mind with every step he took.

“Hello? I’m sorry but we are most definitely closed, as you would know if you read the sign on the door…”

He faltered when he finally came face to face with the intruder. She looked at him with dark eyes wide with curiosity, her gaze intense but at the same time comforting, as if you could get lost swimming, drowning in them if you searched for too long. She then softened with the realisation and nostalgia of reuniting with an old and long-forgotten friend, her smile small but full of unbridled joy. Her voice was no louder than a whisper but held a power that compelled you to pay attention as she murmured, “Oh, there you are.”

Aziraphale’s throat ran dry with an emotion he couldn’t quite pin down, couldn’t quite name, an emotion that was on the tip of his tongue yet so out of reach. He scrambled to gather his senses because for goodness sake, this is a complete stranger whom you have never met until now, pull yourself together. “I-I’m not quite sure how you got in, but the shop is very much closed so I-I must ask you to leave,” he managed to stammer out, much less confident than the Aziraphale from a minute or two ago.

“Oh no,” she said reassuringly, her joyous expression never waning for a second, “I’m not here for a book.”

“Angel!” Crowley suddenly called out from upstairs, melting some of the awkwardness that was hanging around the room like a rather awful smell. Aziraphale noticed how the stranger’s eyes lit up even further, smile grew even wider, and more and more questions swirled around his head. He forced himself to look away from her as he heard Crowley saunter into the room from behind him. “Angel, I’m just about to put the kettle on, did you want a cup of tea or–,” he stopped when he finally noticed the other presence in the room, “I thought the shop was still supposed to be closed?” he asked warily, something in the back of his mind telling him not to trust the stranger.

“It is,” Aziraphale replied uncertainly while she waved awkwardly at them, “I don’t know how she got in, but she said she isn’t here for a book.”

Her face twitched slightly as if she wanted to comment on being spoken about like she wasn’t even in the room, but quickly decided against it for the sake of politeness.

Crowley’s face morphed into the epitome of confusion as he asked, “Well, if you’re not here for a book then why are you in a bloody bookshop?”

She looked at him as though the answer was blatantly obvious, “The bookshop has an owner, does it not? Or two unless I’m very much mistaken. It’s you. I’m here for you two.”

Crowley was quick to defend his image, “’S not my bookshop. I’m just, you know, here,” he gestured vaguely at his surroundings.

She nodded with understanding, then seemed to shake awake, “Sorry, I’m forgetting myself. Do you mind if I sat down? It’s just I’ve been travelling for an awfully long time; it’s been a while since I’ve been able to rest.”

Aziraphale nodded almost immediately, “Yes, yes, of course. Be my guest.” He didn’t think he’d be physically able to refuse her if he tried, there was something, something about her, “Could I get you a drink, or something to eat, perhaps?”

She smiled gratefully as she took a seat on the ancient looking yet somehow almost pristine armchair in the corner of the shop, “A glass of water would be lovely if that’s okay with you.” Aziraphale was gone in an instant, bustling around the make-shift kitchen in his backroom, quite glad to have something to do with himself if he was honest.

Crowley, on the other hand, narrowed his eyes at the stranger ever so slightly. Her story so far wasn’t adding up in his mind; if she’s been travelling for as long as she says she has, then why was her only luggage a handbag that she’d discarded on the floor when she’d sat down? And then there was the nagging in the back of his head that he was trying to stifle as best as he could. He stopped his train of thought dead in its track when he noticed that she’d been staring at him the entire time, still grinning like the Cheshire cat. There was something in her eyes, those damn eyes, that momentarily made him worry if his whole thought process was being projected above his head. She was observing him with a scrutiny that made him positively squirm. Finally, he said something, managing to stutter, “I’m gonna, erm, go, yeah,” he awkwardly pointed his fingers in the direction of where Aziraphale had left before sighing and making his much-needed exit.

She just nodded even though he could no longer see her, then suddenly sat up straight and let out a shaky breath. “Here goes nothing,” she whispered to herself. This was about to be the biggest risk she’d taken in years.

She took a deep breath and let go.

*************

“Do we know her?” Crowley asked from his seat on the kitchen counter, swinging his legs like a child and cradling a cup of coffee in his hands, “Or is she just some random stranger who couldn’t read the ‘closed’ sign?”

Aziraphale looked at him as though he wanted to comment on his bluntness but had decided against it for the sake of not wanting to pick a fight, “I don’t recall meeting her at all. Surely, she would have mentioned where we know her from…”

Crowley looked at him knowingly, “But yet she seems oddly familiar and you can’t for the life of you figure out why?” His face softened when Aziraphale’s eyes widened in shock, “I know what you mean. It’s off-putting. Her, I mean, not you, angel.”

Aziraphale smiled softly at him before looking away and asking, “What do we do? Do we ask her to leave?”

“Okay, you know as well as I do that you’re too curious for your own good,” Crowley smirked, “You want to find out everything you can about her, and that’s exactly what you’re gonna try and do.”

“I, well, um,” Aziraphale stammered out, face flushed bright red much to Crowley’s amusement, “Well, when you put it like that, I sound awfully nosy.”

Crowley snorted, “Well, you are a bit but where’s the fun in minding your own business?”

“Oh, hush, you wily old serpent,” he said, pursing his lips in mock discontent.

“Ah,” Crowley grinned, “Haven’t heard that one in a while. ‘Wily old serpent’. What ever will you think of next?”

“Stop it,” Aziraphale smiled with no real malice behind his words, playfully swatting Crowley with a tea towel that he’d miracled into his hands for that precise purpose, “Now get down from the counter, we can’t put this off forever.”

“Why not?” he asked as he jumped down with a swing of his legs. That earned him another swat from Aziraphale and his evil tea towel.

They continued to bicker as they reluctantly made their way back to the front of the shop, the unease in the atmosphere palpable to point where you could cut it with a knife. Neither one was quite sure why they were so nervous to talk to the stranger.

Crowley noticed it before Aziraphale did, stopping dead in his tracks and holding a hand out for Aziraphale to stop and just notice.

For standing in the middle of the bookshop with her back to the pair of them was the stranger and it was now painfully clear that she was in no way human.

A giant pair of wings sprouting from her back, spread out with pride, not unlike their own except they were the most beautiful shade of grey. The grey of an elephant in the sunlight, of the cobblestones shining in the rain, of shields from empires of long ago. They were the mist that lay on the sea in the moments before dawn and the oh-so-cold breath on a frosty morning. They were the fog that lay on a path yet to be crossed, the ashes of people long gone. They were almost hypnotising with not only their beauty, but also with the colour itself, and a hundred questions were swirling around their heads.

Who was she? Where had she come from? And, how on Earth did she come to have grey wings?

It was only when Aziraphale’s cup smashed to the floor when the stranger whirled around to finally meet their eyes, her expression unreadable. Her eyes flicked down the mess on the floor, and she smiled warmly at one very shocked angel before forcing the mug to reassemble itself in Aziraphale’s hand with a flick of her wrist, “There, no harm done.” Her smile faltered when she noticed their blank expressions and she sighed, “I think we best sit down, don’t you?”

The pair of them exchanged a nervous glance, speaking a language with just their eyes, before wordlessly following her suggestion and taking a seat on the sofa next to Aziraphale’s desk, while she perched on the chair opposite. “So, I’m guessing you have a lot of questions–”

“That’s putting it lightly,” Crowley scoffed, earning him a small glare and pursed lips from Aziraphale who just wanted to know what was going on, thank you very much.

“No, Aziraphale, it’s okay, he’s right,” she said, holding a hand out to stop him. The silence that followed was thick with unease and uncertainty, but she didn’t notice until it was too late, “Oh, shit,” she said simply, bracing herself for their reactions.

“How do you know my name? I didn’t tell you my name, how do you know it?” Aziraphale asked, the words tumbling out of him before he could even think about what he was saying.

Her eyes widened in alarm as she rushed to settle him, “Aziraphale–”

“Who put you up to this? Who sent you here?” He was standing now, blind with panic because what if they’ve found us, what if this is it, what if these past few months were all we were going to have before they came for us-

“Aziraphale, please,” she cried before looking at Crowley for help, not quite sure what she was dealing with here.

“Angel,” he said, voice as gentle as he could make it, smiling slightly when Aziraphale finally looked at him, “Just hear her out, okay?”

The angel stayed standing for a moment, collecting his thoughts because the worry in her eyes, no one from Heaven or Hell could even pretend to care for him so much. Finally, he nodded and sat down again, a trifle warily, a blush dusting his cheeks with a sad kind of shame.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to worry you like that,” she murmured, voice a lot quieter, a lot less confident, but tenfold more sincere. She let the moment hang and dissolve, and then she perked up a bit, getting back to the manner at hand, “And no, no one sent me here. I came of my own accord, alone, just like I always do,” her eyes trailed away for a split second. They can’t see the memories if they can’t see your eyes. They can’t see the pain if they can’t see your face.

She felt Crowley’s eyes linger on her face with curiosity, grateful that he let the flicker of hurt wash over her face. After a second, he asked, “Who are you?”

Silence followed, for a moment. She sat there, thinking to herself, because who are you is a tricky question to answer when you have things that need to stay hidden. “My name is Eloise–”

She was cut off by a loud noise that must have come from upstairs, sounding not altogether dissimilar to someone crashing through the roof, followed by an overwhelming sense of divinity.

Eloise could only find it in herself to sigh and mumble, “Fuck.”

#good omens #good omens headcanon #good omens imagine #crowley #crowley headcanon #crowley imagine #Aziraphale #aziraphale headcanon #aziraphale imagine #good omens fic #oc

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earthbovndmisfit · 5 years

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Kiss me, Mister Joestar! (fanfic)

A Victorian gay man is madly in love with the sweetest gentleman. His love for him is so overwhelming that everyone around them seems to have noticed it already, including said gentleman's wife, who our sweet gay icon has become close friends with...

Is Jonathan really /that/ painfully oblivious to it all? Or could there be something more going on...? Whatever it might be, it's driving Robert insane, and things start getting even tougher on the matter for Speedwagon after the birthday party the Joestars threw for him.

A story written for Speedwagon's birthday, as you can tell by now.

Happy belated 156th birthday, you sweet dork!! <3 (posted it on the 16th on Ao3 but forgot to bring it here orz)

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Pairings: Jonathan/Erina /&/ Jonathan/Speedwagon

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More details and the whole fic under the cut... (if Read Mores don’t work for you and you don’t want to see this post, feel free to block the ;long post tag)

Notes: The story is set in 1889, a little less than a year after the events in PB. It’s also an AU where Jonathan lives. Everything went down the same as in canon, save for the fact that Dio died in Windknight's Lot (or at least he hasn't come back since). Jonathan's and Erina's honeymoon went as smoothly as it should have. Jonathan is also now an archaeologist, working on his many different researches on Aztec culture mainly. The rest more or less remains the same as in canon, including Speedwagon being helplessly in love with Jonathan.

In this story (and any other of my stories involving the Ogre Street gang), the Kenpo Master will be referred to as Li. That's the name I've given him: Li Jiang. I also have this headcanon that "Tattoo" is not the red-head's name, but a nickname he adopted after getting that trademark tattoo on his face (his name being Stephen O’Moore, but he's still addressed as Tattoo most of the time for his own personal reasons anyway).

Fun fact I just realized while writing this story: Just like this year's (2019) Oct 16th fell on a Wednesday, 1889's Oct 16th also fell on a Wednesday (cue a loud OH MY GOD).

Warnings: There’s a depiction of tobacco smoking. There are also a few mentions/depictions of pregnancy, and the usual cursing our dear Robert has us used to. Also “mentions” of period-typical homophobia.

Soft chuckles and giggles could be heard coming from behind the closed doors of the tea room. A bit of a feat, considering how espacious the room was. Inside, two blondes comfortably sat in the large, cushioned, armchairs around the tea table, talking about all sorts of stuff over tea and pastries, filling each other in on the other’s news and sharing a laugh every now and then and just enjoying each other's company like they would normally do on evenings like this. It was getting late, and the time to say goodbye for the night was getting closer.

"I enjoyed spendin' this evenin' with you, Miss Joestar. As always, it was a wonderful one!"

"You don't have to keep up the formalities, Robert. We have been friends for how long now?" She made a brief pause. A rhetorical question that both knew didn't need an answer. "Just call me Erina." A kind smile graced her delicate features. He nodded, still feeling a bit inadequate to address any of the Joestars by their first names, but he couldn’t simply say no to them. "And, the feeling is mutual. It is always a pleasure to have you here. I just wish Jonathan could have been able to join us today."

"He's still workin' on that thesis, isn’t he?" A soft nod of her head was given in response.

"He says he is almost done with it. It is also due next week’s Monday, so he has had to work extra hours on it these past days." There's a sense of pride in her voice despite how much she wished she could have had more time to spend with him as of late.

"I'm completely sure 'is 'ard work 's gonna pay off." It always did. Jonathan was truly a hard working man, not only on the battlefield, but also in everything he did, always giving his all. Not to mention how passionate he was about his field.

"I have no doubts about it. Now, about that week’s Wednesday..."

"Oh. Please, don't burden yourself with that!" The man was quick to reply. "It 's nothin' special at all!"

"Come on. Don't be silly, Robert." The lady offered an even warmer smile and put her hand on top of Robert's as it rested on the table, giving it a soft and friendly squeeze. "It is all the opposite to 'nothing'. And it most certainly is special, too. And I'm completely sure Jonathan thinks so, too." Well, there was no arguing to that as Speedwagon could almost hear the brunet echoing his wife's words while giving Robert a pat to his shoulder. Still…

"But, Miss Joest–" Erina gave him a look and Robert tried again. "Ahh. Sorry... Erina. Blimey. It 's just, I... I wouldn't want t' impose and be a burden t’ any of you..."

"And you won't be. Never have been such, and I assure you that will not be the case either. Besides, this will be the first time we get to celebrate your birthday together, and I know Jonathan is just as excited as if this was his own birthday." She let out a soft chuckle, and she withdrew her hand, placing it this time on top of her pregnant belly. "And I can tell this little one is excited, too." Robert couldn't help a fond smile at all that. He certainly couldn't –and wouldn’t either– let any of the three down in any possible way. Not in this life or the next one (and every other lives that could come after that).

"Alrigh', but only if you're sure this 's not a hindrance t' you or Mister Jo–.... T' Jonathan."

"You have my word on that. Please, come visit us again for the date. And bring your friends, too. The maids will make sure everything is ready for the occasion. You don't have to worry about anything at all besides gracing us with your presence and having fun." She added with such a kind tone to her voice that it made it impossible for Speedwagon to add any "buts" to the conversation.

“I swear you two are too kind t’ me sometimes…”

“You deserve it.” She added with absolute honesty. “You have always done so much for us, and for Jonathan, mainly. It is the least we can do for you.”

“It’s nothin’ grand. I’m just doin’ my part on repayin’ Jojo for all ‘is kindness and everythin’ he’s done for me since we met.”

“You always make it sound like everything you do for us is insignificant, Robert, but I assure you it is not. We truly appreciate all of your actions. And I know you are so very special to Jonathan as much as he is to you.” Robert couldn’t help the blush that was now creeping up to his face, even though Erina voicing that sort of knowledge she had was not new by now. She had long ago found out about his true feelings for Jonathan, never having any issues with it at all.

Erina was fully aware of how easy it was to love Jonathan, and she also knew some of the story between Robert and him. She had also been perceptive enough to understand that there was something more to those apparent “codes” in Robert’s general appearance, which was far different from that of most gentlemen in England. That had been something Robert gladly explained for her as their friendship grew and both became more comfortable around each other, letting her know that, indeed, there was a meaning to them all, and that he had always had a liking for men. Whatever fear or worries he could have had until then about letting her know something as delicate as that faded away almost immediately after informing her of his situation as she never made any sorts of disgusting comments, nor gave him any weird looks nor treated him poorly, like many others would have probably done. All the opposite, all he ever got from her was sympathy without any kinds of judgement, and all her support.

And it never ceased, not even after he finally caved in, some time later, and admitted to her his undying feelings for Jonathan. It didn’t take her by surprise when he did, though. Then again, Robert had always had a tendency to be quite transparent about his feelings for the gentleman even when he tried not to. It had always been crystal clear that his admiration for him went far beyond a simple friendship, and that there was so much more that was still left unsaid. Something deeper. Something vastly more meaningful and everlasting. And she fully supported it.

“I will not take any attempts of refutals, Robert, and you know it.” She promptly added, not allowing him to downplay his own acts of love towards them but, mostly, towards Jonathan once more. The blond let out a soft whine, hoping the pink dusting his face would go away soon.

“You are mean, Erina…” He simply jested this time, leaning back into his chair.

“If that is what is going to take to make you understand just how special you are to us; how special you are to Jonathan, then I will be the meanest lady you will ever meet.” She said, her tone playful, but her words sincere. And Speedwagon could see that very well in her clear blue eyes.

“I truly do not deserve a friend like you.” A soft chuckle in the shape of a huff punctuated his words. He then picked up his cup of tea, sipping the last of it’s contents so he could take his leave.

“You are a wonderful man. You just haven’t realized it yet.”

“Wish I could believe that. I mean, it ‘s not that I doubt you or anythin’!! It ‘s just...” Robert averted his gaze, unconsciously letting his head hang a little. His tone sounded defeated, and Erina could tell the reason why.

“Jojo is fully aware of how wonderful you are, too. He just...” She sighed softly, unable to find the right words for it. “He can be a bit oblivious to the signs if you are not direct or clear enough with him sometimes. Especially at moments like this, when his mind is fully absorbed by something else.” Both remained in silence for a moment. Erina’s soft hand once more offering a reassuring touch to the back of Robert’s scarred one.

“I… know. I… I just wish I ‘ad the guts t’ finally be open with ‘im and just tell ‘im ‘ow I feel.” The man didn’t do much to lift his head, slipping his eyes closed for a moment instead. Erina could feel the muscles in Robert’s hand tensing up a little under her palm, right before he lifted his head. There was pain in his eyes. “I’m scared t’ death that he might find me disgustin’ and will not want t’ see me ever again.”

“Fear of rejection is the most normal thing to feel in this type of situations. The views most people have regarding people with ‘a different taste’ than the rest does not help much on that matter, but it does not mean everyone will turn against you, and I’m almost certain you know that very well after all the experiences you’ve had, and all the people you have met around the globe.” Her tone was soft, reassuring. Even with his lack of an interest in women, it was easy for Robert to see why Jojo loved her so much. “I’m afraid I don’t have the exact answer you are looking for, but I know in my heart that, no matter what, Jojo will never think any less of you.” The pain was still visible in his gaze, but he seemed to be a bit more at ease after hearing that.

“Thank you, Erina. You are an absolute saint.” The woman then shook her head, lightly.

“I beg to differ. I just want you two to be the happiest possible.”

“And you say you’re not a saint, eh…?” Both blondes shared a soft laugh and Erina withdrew her hand once more. “Well, looks like it ‘s time for me t’ go.” Speedwagon stood up from his seat. He straightened his waist coat and adjusted his frock coat before he picked his hat and put it on his head. Erina stood up as well.

“The carriage that will take you home is waiting for you.” To which Robert could only stare at her; his eyes widening a bit and his mouth slightly agape.

“What? Blimey, that won’t be necessary. I can just–”

“I told you before: I will not be taking any negative responses for an answer.” She cut him short with that gentle tone of hers and a matching smile.

“One day, I don’t know ‘ow, but one day I will repay you two for everythin’ you’ve done for me.”

“Until then, please, be kind and accept these small displays of gratitude of ours.” Truly, there was no way they could dislike each other.

It took Robert some effort to convince Erina not to walk him to the main entrance of the mansion, but he did it. He worried too much over her and her pregnancy sometimes. It was almost comical in an endearing way just how much Jonathan and him resembled each other on that matter. However, and all that aside, the truth was that Erina was in her 8th month of pregnancy, almost the 9th, so moving around freely and without getting easily tired was not as simple as before, so she had to take it easy, mostly for the baby’s sake.

Not long after saying their farewells for the night –and Robert saying farewell to little Jojo as well–, and after greeting the coachman that was going to take him home, Robert was finally on the carriage, leaving the Joestar state. As the place began to disappear behind them, one of Speedwagon's hands went up to the chest pocket of his coat. He could feel the squared shape of the envelope Erina had given him earlier that day, shortly after he’d arrived. It was a little letter Jonathan had left for him to make up for his absence that day. He hadn't read it yet, and he was completely sure nothing out of the ordinary was written in it, and yet…

"He really took some time outta 'is day t' write this for me, huh...?" He mused under his breath, and the sole thought made his heart flutter. He was so madly in love with that man it was almost unbelievable.

With that image of Jonathan, as busy as he was, taking some time for him and writing that letter with him in mind, still lingering in his head, Robert leaned back into the cushioned seat of the carriage. He wanted to read the contents of the letter, even if there was nothing more in it than Jojo’s heartfelt apologies for missing his visit and the promise of properly making up for it and seeing him next time, but he knew any attempts of actually reading it would be futile with the lack of proper lighting inside the carriage. He let out a sigh and took his hat off, placing it on the empty seat beside him. He made himself comfortable –as comfortable as a big, 5’11” tall man like him could get in a space like that– and tried to get some sleep.

＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊

About a week later, the same carriage was seen making it’s way back to Liverpool. This time, though, there were two more passengers travelling along. The trip, unlike last time, felt a lot shorter. Probably because this time Robert had his Ogre Street mates with him all along to kill some time. Or maybe because, this time, he knew what Jonathan had wanted to tell him in the letter.

Just as Robert had expected then, there had been nothing particularly grand in it. It had been full to the brim with sincere apologies and all as well filling him in on some of the news of his everyday and stuff about his most recent work. What had made him feel a bit too anxious in anticipation, though, had been a line that Jojo added near the end. Something about a big surprise. Of course, it was a bit too much of a stretch that that could mean… what Robert kind of thought (more like, wished) it could mean, and he knew it. But still, that didn’t make much to ease that feeling that was pooling in the pit of his stomach, and he felt kind of silly about it. Being so excited over something that was most likely not going to happen, was he even for real? He questioned himself over and over again since reading that letter the morning after he’d left the Joestar mansion days ago, and still did now as the three guests were led into the mansion by one of the butlers while another took their baggage to the designated rooms upstairs. The first butler then took them into the banquet hall, where their hosts were awaiting for them.

Even though this was not the first time Tattoo and Li visited the Joestar estate, that didn’t change much that feeling of inadequacy the three of them were always victims of whenever they visited. This place was so huge and imposing. Regardless of the kind nature of Jonathan and Erina, always making them feel welcome, it was near impossible for folks with much less fortunate backgrounds such as the three of them not to feel that way, like they were completely out of place. Never in their lives they would have imagined they would set foot into a majestic place like this unless they were raiding it...

The big double doors of the hall were pushed open by the butler guiding them through the mansion and he stepped aside, so the group could come in. The first thing Robert saw as he stepped into the room was Jonathan’s beautiful smile.

“Robert!” The younger man greeted, excited, waving his hand –manners and 100% proper and sober Victorian etiquette were still not his forte, huh– and rushed towards the newcomers. “You came! I was worried you wouldn’t!”

“There ‘s no way on Earth I’d ever let you down, Jonathan.” Robert took his hat off and offered a gentle smile of his own while secretly trying to hide the soft blush he felt was threatening to creep up to his cheeks at the sight of his favorite gentleman smiling so bright at him. The taller man then grabbed him by his shoulders in a gentle manner, showing just how excited he was to see him again after so long.

“I know, I know!! But still! I was just...worried, you know?” Jonathan rubbed his cheek a little before he loosened his grip and hugged the man instead. Something quite improper, especially between two men, but it was something that Speedwagon couldn't find any reasons to complain about. He returned the hug in a very similar manner, enjoying every second of it, unconsciously memorizing the smell of Jojo’s lotion mixed with his own flowery scent. A true delight to his sensitive nose. "I'm so happy that you're here." His voice was low as there was no need to raise it with how close they were from each other, Jonathan practically whispering those words into his ear. Robert felt his legs go a tad weak, but they didn't give in, mostly thanks to Jonathan’s strong but tender embrace. He knew Tattoo and Li were going to tease him on end about this later but, fuck it, he couldn't care less about that.

“And I am truly ‘appy t’ be ‘ere, you big sap.” He replied in a lighthearted way, adding that last bit in an attempt to play it cool and not completely give himself away, even though he was almost completely sure at this point that everyone in the room –save for the object of his affections, unfortunately– were well aware of the true nature of his feelings for Jonathan. The brunet finally pulled away from the hug and properly greeted Li and Tattoo as well, shaking hands with them and exchanging kind words and genuine smiles. Erina also came to greet them all, in a much more proper manner than her husband, but just as warm and kind as him. Those two were nothing at all like most other rich folks Speedwagon had ever met before.

“How’s little Jojo doin’ today?” Robert asked, his gaze falling down to Erina’s pregnant belly for a moment.

“Wonderfully!” She replied; her smile never fading away. “And quite excited, too. They have been kicking a lot today.”

“They are excited because they knew Uncle Speedwagon was coming today.” Jonathan added as he moved back to Erina’s side, draping an arm around her shoulders. That sweet smile of his in full display once more…

...And Robert couldn’t help the blush on his face. Not just at that beautiful sight, but at what Jonathan had just said.

“Uncle…?” He echoed, and the couple’s smiles grew wider and even warmer.

“That’s correct!” They both said almost in unison.

To think Erina and Jojo considered him good enough for such an important role in their child’s life… Lord, he felt so undeserving.

“I honestly don’t think I’m the most fit for the role, but I’ll ‘appily do my best t’ not disappoint any of you!” The smile gracing his features mirrored those on the couple’s faces in every possible way, showing just how touched he genuinely was. Having known Robert long before Jojo had come into his life, Li and Tattoo found it truly sweet to finally see him being this happy, and surrounded with so much love, even if not everything about it had been going the exact way their mate wished. They knew the kind of man he was underneath that tough and rough exterior he was very well known for in all of the slums, and knew how deserving he truly was of every single ounce of it. Both of them placed a hand on each of Speedwagon’s shoulders as a sign of that, smiling at him and at the Joestars as well, and the man returned the gesture with that genuine smile of his as well.

“We are so happy to hear you say that. Now, please, don’t stand there and come take a seat!” Erina added and walked over to the huge dining table. Jojo led them to it as well. Some of the maids had already come in and were already getting everything ready for the meal, bringing in the dishes for them all to enjoy.

“Hope you have a good appetite today!” Jojo exclaimed as he pulled the chairs out for their guests. “The staff worked hard on all this, so I hope the food is to your taste.” And he finally sat down as well once everyone was in their seats; the maids and butlers putting the many plates of hot food on the table before each one of them and getting everything ready for everyone to enjoy their meals. Once they all had finished their food, they all went outside and took a walk around the majestic gardens surrounding the mansion, enjoying the beautiful views and the still gentle breeze of the first month of Fall.

The reunion went down as smooth as expected so far: A shared high spirit, lots of fun and interesting stories about many different subjects shared by everyone, genuine laughter and smiles, incredibly tasty food (and many different dishes to sink their teeth into, too). A pleasant time they all deserved and had been looking forward to as well.

Low tea time then came, and they were all greeted in the tea room by a different part of the staff working at the mansion. Hot beverages, all sorts of delicious pastries, the perfect lighting. Everything was ready by the time they got there. Everyone took a seat and soon after, the tea was served.

“This ‘as been such a lovely day,” Robert finally said sometime later, visibly touched by the heartwarming gesture of the Joestar couple towards him and his old friends. It was hard to believe that, this exact day, one year ago, he had been spending the day in the streets, just wandering around aimlessly, killing time and causing trouble... “and I wanna thank you both for everythin’. I still don’t know what on Earth did I do so right t’ deserve you both in my life.”

“Just being yourself. That’s what you did.” Jonathan replied with that gentle smile of his aimed at the blond, who was sitting right beside him. Erina nodded. “I don’t think I’ve had the opportunity to say this before, but I think you already know it: You are one of the persons I admire the most. You are so very special, Robert. And I hope you haven't forgotten about the surprise I mentioned in the letter." Jonathan's words, as usual, didn't fail to paint the blond’s cheeks a sweet tone of pink that, hopefully, was not easy to notice. And, the reminder of the letter only served to make that blush last a little longer.

Jojo stood up and walked over to one of the cabinets in the room. From one of the drawers, he pulled something out, something he had previously put in there himself for this moment, and asked Robert to come over, which he did. Everyone's eyes followed them, curious as to what Jonathan had gotten him. Not even Erina knew, as Jonathan had insisted all the time that it was a surprise. Meanwhile, Robert was inwardly pleading for his heart to stop pounding so hard in his chest. Once he was before Jonathan, he was presented with a light-gray small box –though it could very well just be that anything looked small in Jonathan's hands–. It was a bit flat and there was a lavender ribbon on top of it. He nodded, encouraging Robert to open his present right away.

"I hope you like it." The nobleman added, expectant for the other's reaction, watching him open the box, revealing an elegant sterling silver pocket watch –a hunter-case one–, attached to a silver chain. The thing looked so expensive it felt so alien in Robert's hand.

"Jojo, you didn't–"

"I know I didn't have to, but I wanted to." He finished his sentence with a kind smile. "You deserve so much more than this, but I hope you like it nevertheless!"

"Are you kiddin' me? I love it!" He beamed. And he wasn’t lying. He did love it, but not because of how fancy and nice it looked. It was because it was a present from the man he loved so dearly. He could have gotten some cheap trinket from him and his reaction would have been entirely the same.

"I'm so happy to hear that! And there's one more thing. Take a look inside." His index finger pointing at the watch. Robert did as requested and carefully opened it. On the back of the lid there was a set of numbers engraved, written in beautiful cursive. It was… a date?

"Jonathan. This ‘s...?" Jonathan nodded.

"The date of the day we met for the first time." And Robert froze on the spot. Of course, there was the ‘embarrassing’ part attached to the memory –that of Tattoo, Li and him trying to gut Jonathan alive while the young man had been doing nothing but seeking for an antidote to save his Father’s life, something that the three ruffians still felt terrible about–, but there was also a unique feeling to it, as that had also been the day that this man had come into his life, ready to change everything in it for good: His views, his wrecked and reckless ways, his life style and the way he perceived life and the world around him, the way he perceived himself, showing him that he was worth something, showing him that there was so much more to life than what that little underworld in the slums had to offer. The day he had so fiercely fallen for this ‘rich boy’ that was nothing like the rest, the one who was a true gentleman in every possible way. The one that had captivated his heart like no other had and that Robert was absolutely convinced was the one and only love of his life.

The blond couldn’t find any words to say. He was genuinely speechless, with his gaze fixed on the engraving for a little longer as the memories and the swirl of emotions engulfed him whole. It was such a ‘small’ detail, but one that meant the world to him, as it showed and left no doubts about Robert’s importance in Jonathan’s life. The moment he raised his gaze, meeting Jojo’s, his eyes were visibly glassy, and that was something that didn’t escape Jonathan. He didn’t make any comments on it, though, figuring it would make Speedwagon feel uncomfortable and exposed so, instead, he pulled him into a tight hug.

“Happy Birthday, Robert.” He said in a soft voice. Speedwagon leaned into the hug, wrapping his arms around Jojo’s larger frame.

“Thank you… Jojo…” He replied in a similar manner, trying his best to choke down his tears, and doing a fairly decent job at it. When the hug ended, they both went back to the table and enjoyed the rest of the evening along with the rest of their friends and family. Outside, the night had fallen over the vast Liverpool skies.

Ever since this celebration had been planned, it had been agreed by all of them that Robert, Li and Tattoo were staying over for a few days after that. There were plenty of guest rooms in the mansion, so having them over would definitely be no issue at all. Since they weren’t going back to London tonight, there was also no need to rush anything, and so conversations and all sorts of activities went on for a while longer than they usually would on a regular visit. Time went fast by, and it was getting really late. They were all tired after such a long and fun day, so everyone went to their respective bedrooms, ready to call it a day.

“Erina, dear.” Jojo called once they were alone in their room. Something seemed to be bothering him.

“Yes?”

“…It might just be me but, did you notice anything different in Robert later today?”

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t know how to describe it, but it felt like…”

“Like something was off?” She looked at him; her soft hands rested on her belly as she remained sitting on the edge of their bed.

“Yes. Yes, something like that.” He said after a moment of pondering about it. “Do you know what it could possibly be? I don’t recall him mentioning any issues before or anything that could be bothering him.” He inquired, hoping she would know something he didn’t and could tell him about. Maybe the two of them had talked about something that could be troubling him during his previous visit?

Erina let out a soft sigh and lightly shook her head.

“Oh, Jojo.” She looked into her husband’s eyes. Even through the dim light from the oil lamp on the nightstand he could see that look she would always give him whenever he was missing something important that was a bit obvious. It wasn’t a condescending look at all. All the opposite, really. “You have not noticed it yet, have you?”

And her words threw him off. Completely.

“Notice...what?”

“I could tell you, but I think it would be best for you, and for Robert, that you find that answer out for yourself, dear.”

Jonathan continued staring at her; his thick brows knitted together. He was infinitely puzzled still. She stood up and walked towards him. She cupped his face in her hands and gently pulled him closer, pressing a soft kiss to his cheek.

“Look. I won’t mind if you want to go and talk with him. Knowing him, I’m sure he is going to be up for a while longer, and I’m convinced he will appreciate your company through the night.” Which was something both knew for sure. It was no secret that Speedwagon was a night owl, and him staying over at someone’s place probably wouldn’t change that the slightest. Jonathan nodded. He then kissed Erina in return before he left.

Meanwhile, a few doors down the hall, in his room, Robert was leaning against the door frame that led to the balcony. He had already taken his coat and waistcoat off, both of which he had left on the footboard of the four poster bed. The turmoil inside his head (and heart) had gotten considerably worse as hours had ticked away, so he had opted for making himself comfortable –as comfortable as one could in that condition– and take a breath of fresh air while, a bit ironically, having a smoke, hoping that would soothe him enough so he could get some sleep later that night. He lit a cigarette and stared outside, softly humming to a tune he had heard some time ago, when he visited the Caribbean. His room had quite a nice view of the gardens their whole group had walked through earlier. They looked so different under the moonlight, but still as beautiful as before. It was a really nice change from the urban landscapes he was so used to back in London. He remained like that for a moment, enjoying the chilly but gentle wind of Fall. His tie was undone, and his shirt was open, allowing that chilly wind to gently brush against the exposed skin of his scarred chest. He put the cigarette between his lips and slipped a hand into the pocket of his trousers, producing the silver pocket watch Jonathan had given him earlier, idly fiddling with it and running his fingers over the smooth surface as he took a drag of his cigarette. His gaze was fixed on the timepiece now and he could see the way the moonlight shone so beautiful on it’s surface. His mind, suddenly, decided to go back to earlier that day, to that moment when Jonathan had hugged him for the second time, and he felt that rush of emotions strike him all over again.

“You’re such a bloody fool, Robert…” He whispered to himself. Being so madly in love with a nobleman. And not just that, but a married gentleman. His friend’s husband at that. And, while said friend was absolutely okay with those tender feelings he had for him, and even encouraged him to take the next step whenever he felt ready for it, if he ever did, he still felt so silly about it all. He had no leads that Jonathan was… well, like that. No leads or hints that he had somewhat of a taste for men, like an invert man such as Robert did. And not just that, but he was also scared to death of not only being rejected by the man he loved, but he was also scared of being seen by him as nothing but a disgusting pervert as well. The sole idea of Jonathan telling him that he didn’t want anything to do with him anymore was frightening and painful enough to make the former thug want to keep his mouth and heart shut as much as he could, as much as it hurt. He’d rather remain a close friend and be by his side always, until the very end, than risk losing him forever…

A soft knock on his room’s door echoed through the room, dragging him back to the present time.

“C’mon in.” Speedwagon raised his voice enough for the visitor to hear and slipped the watch back into his pocket. He looked over his shoulder when he heard the door open and then click shut a second later. Even in the darkness that was engulfing the room now that the oil lamps were off, he could still make out the huge silhouette of the Joestar heir walking towards him. The blond turned on his heels, failing to realize just how ‘improper’ he must have been looking at the time (etiquette wasn’t always his forte, especially with an upbringing like his and the fact that he was still a man from the worst part of the slums). “Oi, Jojo.” He greeted, raising his hand a little.

“H-Hey.” He said once he got to Speedwagon’s side, mirroring that gesture.

“I thought you were with Erina. ‘s somethin’ the matter?” He asked, genuinely curious, and even a tad worried.

“No, no. Everything is fine! I mean, not everything, but yes. Just...”

“Are you sure? ‘cause this ‘s definitely not like you.” His concern growing deeper. “Do you need t’ talk, perhaps?”

“Yeah, I guess...” His voice trailed off. He looked, and sounded, so lost for a moment. Robert had no clue what this was all about, but he was going to try his best to be of aid. “It’s about earlier…”

Oh…

“Yeah…? What ‘bout it?”

“I couldn’t help but notice that something was kind of, well, off with you…”

“...”

“Erina noticed it, too. I tried to ask her about it. She seems to know something, but she wouldn’t tell me anything. She said it would be best for us to talk.”

Robert couldn’t help a soft chuckle, exhaling a bit of smoke in the process.

“Don’t get me wrong for what I’m ‘bout t’ say, please, but that woman ‘s an absolute angel. I can truly see why you love ‘er so much.” He admitted as he looked away into the horizon once more. Jonathan smiled in response, finding no fails or lies in that whole statement about his sweet Erina. His gaze followed Robert’s and, after a moment of silence and even a little of hesitation, he tried again.

“So…? Something’s been bothering you…?” He asked cautiously, not wishing to upset Speedwagon in any possible way. The blond hesitated to respond, taking a couple seconds to think, and re-think, his answer. He suddenly felt cold, as if his blood had been drained from his body, and a chill ran down his spine as realization fell down on him. There was no turning back now, was it?

“...It ‘s not like there’s somethin’ botherin’ me per se… It s just… somethin’ else. Somethin’ that’s been goin’ on for quite a long time now and that I, shamefully, ‘aven’t had the ballocks t’ be frank ‘bout it.” He admitted, unconsciously taking another drag of his cigarette before putting it off on the ashtray that was sitting on top of the bureau by the door. Jonathan’s face was colored in concern after hearing those words. It had to be something quite undesirable if it had lasted for so long while also making Speedwagon want to keep his mouth shut on the matter all this time, he figured.

“Why didn’t you tell me sooner about it?” His voice reflecting that same concern that was plastered all over his face. “I would have helped you out as soon as you told me!” There was a tinge of pain in Robert’s features, and the moonlight made sure Jonathan didn’t miss that as the shorter man turned to look at him.

“Haven’t you noticed it yet, Jojo...?” The brunet remained silent, trying to piece it all together.

“I…” He stammered. Robert gulped hard and locked eyes with him. It was now or never, right? Right.

“I love you.”

“What…?”

“You ‘eard me right!” He nearly shouted. “I love you, Jonathan…! I love you so damn much! And I always ‘ave ever since you came into my life all that time ago...” He said, trying to keep himself collected as much as he could. His fists were clenched into tight balls at his sides while hot tears threatened him, stinging his eyes. Jojo stared at him, wide eyed, and at a complete loss for words. “I’d been keepin’ that t' myself all this time ‘cause… ‘cause I was scared t’ death of losin’ you. I still am!” He took a deep breathe. It was still hard for Robert to conceive that a ruthless gang leader such as himself could be this vulnerable before someone else, but here he was, exposing himself once more, though in a completely open manner this time for a change, confessing all those feelings he had tried so hard to keep to himself. “I don’t expect you t’ return my feelings. Bloody ‘ell, I will even understand if you don’t wanna see my disgustin’ arse ever again, and I promise I will never show m’self ‘round ‘ere anymore! I just… I just… really ‘ad t’ let all this out somehow before it ate me alive whole...” The pain was almost tangible in his voice as he uttered all those words.

And, suddenly, all those signs Jonathan had seen countless times coming from him before made so much sense. So much more that he couldn’t help but feel so inept, and like the biggest fool around for being so painfully oblivious to it all while even Erina had noticed it so long ago but, also, for having forced himself to keep his own feelings towards this man before him locked away…

“I’m...sorry for disappointin’ you and not bein’ who you thought I was, Mister Joestar…” He spoke again, even shaking a little, and he lowered his eyes, bringing back the formalities now that his chances of being on the list of undesirable people in this household had increased exponentially...

...Or so he thought.

“What on Earth are you talking about!?” The younger male grabbed him by the shoulders, making him raise his head and look back into Jojo’s face. There was a glint of something in his eyes. Something that Speedwagon could not quite read at first but that seemed like… pain? He had no time to ponder too much about it as Jonathan immediately pulled him into yet another tight hug, though, this time he was holding on to him like his very life depended on it, yet careful not to crush him in the process. “There is no way you could ever disappoint me!!” He sounded hurt, and he legitimately was. “The only one I am disappointed with is myself for being so blind and not being able to return your feelings sooner…” He paused, trying to find the right words to voice what was going on through his mind. “...I think I’d known about it all for a bit. I just… didn’t say anything for that same reason: I was afraid of being wrong in my assumptions and losing you forever! And, also, Erina… I… I didn’t know how she would react to the news that I had a special fondness for you, a special fondness as intense as that I have for her, and I didn’t want to make her feel like I didn’t love her anymore, much less now that she is carrying our baby.” The brunet tightened the hug a little; his fingers gently digging into the fabric of Robert’s shirt as he finally opened up, his hot tears rolling down and soaking Robert’s shirt. There was nothing but absolute honesty in his every word, and Robert could easily notice that. “I was so confused because I love her so much, and never have stopped loving her either. At first I was not aware that it was possible to love two different persons in the same manner, and so fiercely, at the same time. It… It took me a while to figure that out on my own and, still, I decided to keep quiet about it because I didn’t know how to bring it up to her, and how to bring it up to you as well. I tried to convince myself that… all of this, all those signs you gave off… as well as everything I was feeling… that it was all in my head. Guess I only made a fool out of myself in the end, didn’t I?”

Robert pulled Jojo away just enough so they could make eye contact once more. It broke his heart to see his gentleman break down like this.

“Jojo... dear. Lord…” He struggled to find the right words to say and could feel his own tears finally rolling down his face. There was so much in what Jonathan had just said that he could relate to in his own way... “You ‘aven’t done anythin’ wrong! Besides… It 's also my fault that you didn’t know for sure just ‘ow much I’ve always loved you until now! And I’m really sorry ‘bout that… I really wish I ‘ad the guts t’ be open with you ‘bout that sooner instead of tryin’ t’ hide it all and pretend nothin’ else was goin’ on...” Both men, remained in silence for a moment, still close to each other. It was then that Jonathan spoke once more.

“I guess… that makes both of us a pair of fools…”

“The biggest of ‘em all, I’m afraid…” Both of them shared a soft laugh despite those tears still wetting their faces; their foreheads pressed together as they did. One of Jojo’s hands went up to tenderly cup Speedwagon’s chin with his thumb and index finger.

“Robert… May I…?”

“Goddamnit, Jojo…” Robert let out a soft huff and cupped Jonathan’s face in his hands; his little smile not fading away the slightest. “Just fuckin’ kiss me…!”

Jonathan tilted Robert’s face slightly to the side, allowing himself a better access. His other hand went to rest on the small of the blond’s back, and he finally pressed their lips together in a long awaited kiss that Robert gladly returned in the same loving manner, both of them pouring into it all those feelings they had been holding back for so long.

They remained in each other’s arms for a little longer after the kiss ended, refusing to let go just like that.

“Would you… stay with me tonight? I mean, only if you think Erina will be alrigh’ with that. I wouldn’t wanna get on ‘er bad side ever.” Robert whispered as he rested his head on Jonathan’s chest. He could hear the soft rumble that was his chuckle. They both knew very well that Erina could be quite scary when she wished to.

“That will be completely alright.” He said with a full smile on his face. “We should go inside, though. It’s getting colder, and I don’t want you to catch a cold or worse!”

“This is nothin’ compared t’ what Ogre Street ‘as me used to, darlin’.”

“Yeah, I suppose so, but... About that, I know that you along with Tattoo and Li have turned down the offer of moving in with us countless times already, but I must insist once more.”

“I told you, dear, we don’t wanna be a nuisance t’ either of you.”

“But you wouldn’t be! Besides… I want. No, I need Erina and you, my two loves, by my side.” Speedwagon let out yet another soft chuckle.

“Blimey... You’re really the biggest daisy I’ve ever met, Jonathan.” He said fondly, “But I will gladly take you up on that this time. Little Jojo might need their Uncle ‘round when they arrive, and I’m sure Erina might appreciate some friendly company as well. And, much like yourself...” He stood on his tiptoes, gently bringing Jojo’s face down by his chin a little. “...I also need my one true love by my side.” His voice soft, sealing those words with yet another kiss under the pale moonlight.

Final notes: This story took so long for me to get it done from start to end, but it's finally here!

This is, I think, the first time I actually write something for the lovely jonaeri/jonawagon ot3~ :'D I also loved writing those bits with Robert and Erina together. They were super fun, and I also loved the idea of Robert happily telling her about the gay codes from that time and just kind of getting her into that little secret world, not only because Erina is the ultimate ally, but also, because, given the taboos in Victorian England, it's pretty much a given that Robert usually had to keep a lot of things from most people, sometimes friends included, so he really appreciates those time whenever he's allowed to be himself and is able to share some of that with others. Needless to say how much I love writing jonawagon and putting them in sweet and cozy scenes~

I can honestly say I'm pleased with how this story turned out, but I would definitely love to hear your thoughts on it!

Feedback, likes, reblogs and everything else (shares outside of Tumblr and Ao3, too) are always encouraged and highly appreciated!!

Thanks for reading!

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