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kookslastbutton · 10 months

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Too Late to Dream ༓ jjk (m)┃ch. V

✑ Summary: You did it. You married your college professor. You even bought a house together. Against all odds, everything had fallen into place. But after two years of marriage, you begin feeling something was missing. You want a baby but your husband can’t say the same.

Pairing: economics professor!jungkook x fem!artist!reader

AU/Genre: angst, smut, fluff, marriage au, age gap, series

Rating: M, 18+

Word Count: 3,342

Warnings: 8-year age gap, mentions of professor-student relationship (oc was a Masters student), jk has milk obsession, oc injured, both lonely :(, mommy issues, lots of family drama/in-laws, fighting, pent-up issues/desires, jk has daddy issues, jk being good hubby to oc

Now Playing: Make It Right, Tryna Be, Infinity, It Will Rain, Heaven+

A/N: I've heard the requests and I think it's time to fulfill them–how did they get together?! Yes, it's here and I'm excited to finally share! Also, yes this took up whole chapter so a tiny break from present-day stuff but we'll be back at it next chapter. 💞

<< ch. IV ༓ ch. Vl >> | series masterlist

Before marrying you, Jungkook had the same routine. He got up, showered, brushed his teeth, put work clothes on, grabbed breakfast, and ran out the door with twenty minutes to spare. Trying to find a parking spot at 7 a.m. at the university was no joke and he had to leave early or some college kid would take the last spot and not think twice.

His night routine was similar. Jungkook finished the day between 5 and 6 pm, slowly regretting he ever agreed to teach evening classes. He’d kick off his shoes, eat dinner, grade some of his student’s papers if needed, brush his teeth again, and went to bed.

It was a constant cycle and with no one around, not even a pet, Jungkook’s life was fairly quiet and systematic. Sometimes his buddies would come over on the weekend for a couple of hours and that surely rocked his world.

But that wouldn’t happen often during the school season due to his ridiculously packed teaching schedule. The most recent person he’d hang around during those months was Taehyung and if he wasn’t free, Jungkook would spend his time at the grocery store–stocking up on milk.

4 years ago

“That was two weeks ago man,” Jungkook says, pushing a cart with five-gallon jugs of milk to his car. He’s on the phone with Taehyung who's reminiscing about the grand opening of the new art exhibit and how “lovely” it was to meet you there.

Jungkook doesn’t need reminding though.

He clearly remembers seeing you there and Taehyung happily making a complete fool of him once he found out who you were. Thankfully you hadn’t seemed to mind too much since you and Taehyung soon moved on to discuss various art theories, masterpieces, and underrepresented artists.

“You didn't have to stay y'know.” If Jungkook didn't know any better he'd think Taehyung was salty. "You could've left at 8 pm like you planned. __ and I would have been fine."

Jungkook winces hearing the man's argument. He did think about going home at 8, but it unsettled him to leave you alone with Taehyung. His colleague was enjoying himself a little too much that night and there’s no telling what he’d do or say when he’s overly comfortable.

Jungkook had to stay until you left.

"Are you kidding me? Leaving you unsupervised would've been the worst idea after all your endless blubbering." Jungkook pops the trunk of his car, stuffing the jugs of milk inside. "God knows what you'd scar __ with."

On the other line, Taehyung smirks through the speaker. "No, that's not it......you weren't going to leave me alone with a woman, an attractive one at that."

Jungkook grabs the last jug of milk, slamming it on the floorboard. "Student, and stop talking about her like that. She's my stu—"

"Say student one more time and I'm going to take all your milk and give it to Yoongi hyung's cats."

"I swear to god, Taehyung, if you touch my milk I'm never going to another art museum or wine tasting with you again." Jungkook is very protective of his dairy products.

"That's okay. I don't need you when __ says she'll be happy to go with me sometime." Smug bastard, Jungkook thinks. There's no way you said that.

"That's bull Taehy—"

"Look she's in her masters and is literally eight years younger than you. It's not that serious so stop acting like she's fresh out of high school. Besides, you said it yourself, she's not a child."

Jungkook grunts, shoving the cart into the others. "She's a young lady who happens to be enrolled in the school. As faculty, we have no business thinking or talking about her outside those terms."

"For fucksake, Kook. You always make things so complicated!" Taehyung's baritone voice cracks through the speaker. "I'm just trying to get you to admit that you're into her some way or another. How many other students have I stayed to talk to and you couldn't give a—"

Just then a loud, high-pitch screech interrupts the call. Jungkook whips his head around immediately. He doesn't spot anything at first but a string of profanities remains audible in the distance.

"Jungkook, are you okay?"

"Yeah, but someones screaming and I can't tell where it's coming from." Jungkook walks around the grocery parking lot, eyes darting left and right. "Oh shit!"

There, near the bus stop, you lay on your side with your right leg stretched out and blood running from your temple. You try getting up but you fall right back down, cursing sharply.

"Taehyung I gotta go, it's __. I don't know what happened but she's laying by the bus stop and I think she needs help!" Jungkook shuts his phone and races to where you lay. He kneels next to you with sheer horror on his face. "__, what happened? What can I do?"

"Damn college boys, Dr. Jeon," you spit, dragging your leg up as far as you can. You reach for your bag which had flung about a foot away when you crashed. "So fucking eager to get off the bus and—oh damn that hurts like a bitch!"

"What hurts?" Jungkook lunges forward to catch your torso from slamming on the hard concrete. "Stay still okay? We need to get you to the hospital."

"I'm all set, but thanks. It'll likely heal in a day."

Jungkook shakes his head and wraps an arm under your back and legs. "Can you put your arms around my neck?"

"Dr. Jeon, I appreciate what you're doing but I don't want to go to the hospital. Please."

You're serious. No trace of bluffing or even simply trying to act tough. You really don't want to go.

"You need to be checked by a doctor sweetheart," Jungkook insists. "Whatever happened has made it so you can't walk. C'mon, my car is nearby and I'll drive you over."

"No, wait!" He feels you push against his chest.

"__. I'm not leaving you without making sure you didn't break a bone or something. I don't want to make things worse but you don't look so hot right now. So please, let me take you." Jungkook lifts you up when you give a barely consenting yes.

"You sprained your ankle pretty bad hun." Dr. Kim Seokjin draws your attention to the X-ray scan. "Second degree." He points to the visual of your partially torn ligament. "There's going to be a lot of swelling so you're gonna need to stay off your foot for at least 4 weeks."

"Do I have to stay here?" is your first question.

"For the first couple of weeks, we strongly advise—yes." Dr. Kim moves on to the next X-ray scan. "You also cracked a rib which will also take about 4 weeks to heal, or more. Of course you're head has suffered a mild concussion as well but it's very mild thankfully." Dr. Kim catches sight of Jungkook next to you, staring at the scans. "You're wife's going to be okay," he says mid-diagnoses.

"We're not—" you start to say but Dr. Kim continues talking.

"Wife, girlfriend, lover, what have you. The point is, much of what we have here will recover with a month of rest, ice, and elevation." He takes a pen from his pocket and starts jotting down something on paper. "I recommend two weeks here for moderation purposes. If things look good, you finish the healing at home. Still, be careful though, no funny business."

The blank looks on both your faces tell Dr. Kim he wasn't clear enough. "Yah, my filters going to die with you two doe-eyed deer. No funny business means no sex!"

"Oh god!" You outburst, mortified by the thought. Jungkook whips his head to your slack-jawed expression. "Dr. Kim, it's not like that between us."

The older man suddenly zeros in on your professor, eyes narrowing slightly. "What's the matter son? Having trouble getting it up?"

Jungkook jolts in his seat, startled by the crass response. "I—no, what? There's nothing wrong with my—"

"We're not together!" You shout before Jungkook's sentence finishes. "We're friends." Saying that your professor brought you here sounded a little odd for some reason, especially when Dr. Kim was already convinced you two were a thing.

"Mhm sure, heard the same thing from my wife before we went off and eloped." Dr. Kim treads to the door. If he has a dime for how many times he's heard that "we're friends" bs he'd be...well, he's already rich so never mind. "Let's move on to something more productive now, like getting __ settled in a room. The sooner she starts the healing process, the sooner she can be good as new again."

"Thank you Dr. Kim," Jungkook says, slowly standing up to stroll you and your wheelchair out of the room. You didn't like it but the nurses insisted you be in one to keep pressure off your muscles.

"Yeah yeah." Dr. Kim waves him off. "Just remember what I said, no funny business. Especially here at the hospital. You don't know how many times I've heard the nurses catching their patients on top of one another at 2 am in the morning. That better not be you two, whoever you are to each other."

"Yes, doctor." You both reply, thankful of the fact that neither of you are in any position to be looking at each other.

"Is there any way I can be here for less than two weeks?" Jungkook watches as you plead with the nurse. It worries him that you're still anxious to avoid medical attention.

"I'm afraid not," the nurse says simply. "If you need anything, press the call button and I'll be in as soon as I can."

Once the nurse leaves, Jungkook pulls up a chair next to your bed. "Stupid question but how are you feeling?"

"I'm in an ankle brace, my rib burns, and my head is still dizzy. I'm trapped in the hospital for two weeks and all because a bunch of nineteen-year-old boys couldn't wait to hit up some frat party," you groan, not bearing in mind your tongue. "I'm sorry for dragging you into this Dr. Jeon."

"You didn't drag me into anything __. I'm glad I was there when this happened and I'm even more glad that you're here, getting help." Jungkook clears his throat before continuing. "Even if it isn't ideal for you."

You ignore the subtle pry for information. "Please, Dr. Jeon. You don't have to stay any longer. It's the weekend and I'm sure you have plans."

Jungkook gives a faint smile. "So, you're saying this is none of my business?"

"No, not—not at all. I mean if you want to stay then I guess you can but I don't want you to feel obligated or anything."

"I want to be here," Jungkook says simply. "But you know that's not what I meant. I'd like to know why it bothers you when anyone tries to help you...if I may."

"Just habit," you mumble quickly, averting eye-contact. It's not your professor's job to bear the weight of your problems.

Jungkook nods in reply, pretending you gave a satisfactory explanation. He wishes you'd tell him but if you didn't want to share more then that was your choice —he wasn't going to force you. "I understand." He grabs his phone from his pocket and rests his elbows on his knees. "Are you hungry?"

"Huh?" You look back at him, his question going right over your head.

"I asked if you're hungry. It's about dinner time so I can get you something if you want. I also have a bunch of milk in my trunk that needs to get to a fridge. But I can place the order now and pick it up in my way back here."

"Milk in your trunk?" Is the only words you repeat, dumbfounded. "Like chocolate milk or...?"

"Nah, Whole Milk." Jungkook grins at your scrunched up face. You try to hide it but not very well. "Don't look so disgusted. Milk is good for you."

"Yeah when you're ten years old."

"On the contrary!" You flinch when his voice rises, along with his eyebrows. "Milk has a lot of health benefits as adults. It has thirteen essential nutrients and helps maintain muscle and bone strength. I drink at least two full glasses a day, if not more."

"I'm sorry but that's nasty." You shudder at the thought of drinking milk in your twenties let alone your thirties. "You really enjoy it? The taste?"

"Yup, always have since a baby! Loved it so much that my mother-" You raise an eyebrow to which he abruptly switches topics. "Anyway, do you want me to pick you up something or no?"

You giggle, a little uncomfortable with whatever he was about to disclose to you.

"That's okay, no thanks."

"You sure? Otherwise I'm gonna be eating in front of you." Jungkook knows how this sounds — he's trying to force you to eat. But the truth is, he just doesn't want to eat by himself tonight. He also doesn't want to leave you alone this early, especially when you obviously detest being here, for whatever reason.

"I'm sure," you say. "But...if you want to come back you can. Not like I have anything to do anyway."

"Good then." Pleased, Jungkook opens up his phone contacts. "Give me you're number in case you change your mind while I'm out."

Over the next couple of weeks, Jungkook continues to stay by your side. He leaves to teach his classes of course and to go home late at night, but he stops by every day—hours at a time.

You keep insisting that he not come so much but he always makes the same excuses. "I just brought food" or "You're on my way home from the university". Sometimes he brings in class notes too.

Due to your current predicament, you're missing a lot of content so Jungkook thinks it best to go over key principles with you and takeaways from his lectures. He says it's his duty as a professor–never minding the fact that many of his other students are in a predicament of their own yet he’s not bothering to do jack for them.

"Look Dr. Jeon, I appreciate what you're doing but you really don't have to. I'll be perfectly alright to catch myself up from the textbook and study guides. You don't have to keep stopping by." You try again but Jungkook keeps his wall just as strong as yours.

"I know I don't have to __. I know that I could leave right now, take all these lecture notes home with me, and not feel guilty about a thing. But I told you I was going to be here and I'm going to keep to that no matter how many times you urge me to leave. I also want you to call me Jungkook outside class but have you allowed for any of those to happen?" Jungkook tosses the folder of notes in his sachel, a loud thump following. "A simple thank you would suffice."

"I am grateful, I really am. But I never asked to be given so much of your time. I feel bad because maybe you're just one of those overly nice people who feel it's their duty to stick around or what not when someone's in trouble. I don't need to be pitied over! Also, you said I could keep calling you the usual, so Dr. Jeon it will remain!" Why you're raising your voice, you don't know but it's happening either way.

"Yeah I did," Jungkook quips, matching your tone. "But after the last, nearly two weeks I think we ought to be on a first-name basis! And I'm in no way pitying you okay? I'm here because I care dammit! I don't want you to be alone and I don't want you to be behind in getting your Masters. So I' try to be be here every day for at least fifteen minutes if not more!"

You don't fully process what he says so you reply to what you remember most. "Why? Why can't I call you Dr. Jeon? It's been that way from the start, twice every week. So why do I need to call you Jungkook all a sudden?!"

"Because it makes me feel younger, you insulted my milk after I first took you to the hospital, we've been eating dinner almost every night since your injury, you told me about your childhood cat named Mr. Muttonbottom, and you just called me by my first name so there are no take backs! Now, if you're done making a fit, do you want bibimbap or jajangmyeon for dinner tonight?!"

What the actual hell? You cease your arguing at once, hearing your professor, or excuse you, Jungkook, all fluffed up. Obviously, you're not the only one high-strung over being stuck in the same routine day in, day out.

"Jajangmyeon...please," you mutter.

"Thank fuck," he swears. Yeah that's new too.

"Sorry for getting mad earlier." You mumble the words as soon as Jungkook returns with the food. "It just feels odd that you've been here all the time...you're my professor."

Jungkook mauls over your choice of words, stiffening ever so slightly. "Well, I'd like to think we're sorta friends now but alright. Does this actually bother you __? I don't mean to make you uncomfortable, you know that." He places the bag of take-out on the small desk near your bed.

"No, it's doesn't bother me." you just don't know how to react or what to say besides a measly thank you. More so, you don't want to make someone feel responsible for you...you should take care of your own shit without bringing others with you. It's not the best mindset, you're aware, but its the one you have.

"Okay good because to be completely transparent, I'm sorta here for me too. I live my myself, eat by myself, talk to myself....I do most things alone so it's nice having someone else to be around." He's not sure where to set his eyes, so he looks downward, fumbling with the napkins in front of him. "I'm making this awkward, sorry."

Feeling the strange need to offer comfort, you stretch a hand over Jungkook's arm. "I get it. It's nice having someone around too."

You and Jungkook hold each other's gaze for a few seconds more, letting the brief silence do the rest of the talking. Maybe you've been looking at this a little too one-sided.

"How are you feeling today? Any better?" Jungkook cracks open the bowl of Jajangmyeon, handing it to you with a pair of chopsticks.

You take the steamy food and gesture to your ankle which has swollen down a good amount. "Still more healing to be done but it's better."

Jungkook hums in approval. "That's comforting to hear. Dr. Kim going to discharge you soon?"

"Yeah, I think so. A few more days and he said I should be able to rest up at home."

"Really?" He chews on his bottom lip. "Well great, uhm , do you have stuff going on when you get back?"

You think a moment, trying to recollect if you made plans with Na-Rae. "Maybe some but not much. I don't have a ton of people around me right now either...down here I mean."

"Well, do you wanna go out to dinner then?" Jungkook pops the question more causal than expected. It's almost like he planned this or at least has been thinking about it for a bit. "We've been eating together for a while now and I think it might be a nice celebratory thing."

"Are you asking me on a date...Jungkook?" Because it defiantly sounds like he is, as indirect as it may be.

His reply is barely audible but you hear it and for the first time, your professor sounds truly timid. "Uh, well...let's go with "hang out", like friends do."

A/N: so yeah, thats how they got together 👀😅 anyone surprised? Thinking about a drabble for thier first date now haha. Anyway, next chapter we get back to present day stuff where more drama goes down. Also, adding a chapter bc this flashback took the whole chapter lol. Lmk your thoughts 💞

Masterlist

Taglist:

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no reposting, copying, or translating my work– © kookslastbutton

#bangtanbathhouse #jungkook smut #jungkook fluff #jungkook x reader #jungkook angst #bts smut #bts x reader #bts imagines #bts fanfic #bts au #fic:toolatetodream #kookslastbutton

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prpfs · 20 days

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hi, im cee (26) and im looking for a long term 1x1 rp partner! i have a specific plot idea or two in mind that i've been really wanting to do, so id love to find a partner for it! 🐈‍⬛

the main plot ive wanted to do is royalty omegaverse. your character has taken over my char's kingdom in war, and claimed the prince as a war prize. he is, however, a rather pitiful and traumatised man, making it rather difficult to be mean to him as one might plan to be. this plot can also work with your char being a prince, and the leader giving my char to yours as a husband. i'm open to swapping some details around, as long as the "my char is a war prize" jist stays.

my idea with this story would be more of a romance story, hurt and comfort, healing from past traumas, that sort of thing. id also love political drama, troubles within your character's kingdom that these two have to sort out - or anything with a lot of drama, angst, and high stress emotions, really. i'd especially love if this was set in omegaverse reversal, where alphas are lower class and omegas are upper class. ive been wanting to play with that dynamic.

(im also fine with it if you want to be mean to him, or even something like they go from enemies to lovers!! im really open honestly)

the oc i plan to use is an alpha catboy. he's got a nice face and is quite anxious. he has a defined personality, appearance, and backstory that i'll ramble about in DMs. i also have a lot of side characters from his past that can be relevant. overall i love to rp as men with problems, and exploring deep emotions and stressful situations for characters.

i mostly play domtop, with occasional subtop. i dont like pure smut rps, but i dont want to only fade to black - please be ok with writing scenes or ftb if scenes are frequent.

MUST HAVE: MxM, shipping, at least a bit of fantasy, dead dove themes, semi-lit to lit length, 3rd person

LIKES: multiple threads, modern fantasy, humanoid creatures, magic and wizards, slice of life with lots of drama, angst, hurt/comfort, texting rp on the side for when we're low energy 👀

WON'T DO: incest or 🍪 (not even in backstory please), animal/child torture, FxF, space setting, robots, IRL faceclaims

note that if something isnt listed as a "won't do", im open to discussion! i probably just dont have a strong feeling about it.

PLEASE BE OK WITH: suicide/self-harm (usually just idealisation and desire; sometimes failed attempts), depression and self loathing, sexual assault (usually between npc and my char, and usually nothing on screen), and gore and graphic depictions of injury or misery.

additionally, this rp will require you to be into things like worldbuilding, playing npcs, and being willing to toss in villain characters. i can and will do all of this too (prepare for me to come up with questions about your kingdom that you'd never expect), but you also have to put this stuff in.

in a partner, im looking for someone who can do daily or semi-daily replies (and tell me if things will slow down!). i also prefer a lot of ooc communication and chatter! i like to hang out and talk about the rp, our characters, or even just things im up to. i also love coming up with AUs and side stories and the like, and would love if you were open to listening to my ideas or even sharing your own.

please do not interact if you ghost. if you want to drop, i want you to at least send a goodbye before you leave so i know it happened. i'll leave an rp if you dont post for like, a week without any ooc word

thank you for reading, and please like this post or dm me if you would like to rp together!

like or dm

#oc roleplay #oc rp

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big-coyote · 3 months

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(this is the oc anon) i also forgot to ask but is there stuff that i could write about them to give them more depth as a therian? i dont think i am one, i may be animalhearted i tthink is the word, but ive seen posts about how being alterhumans not always pretty and fun and want to incorporate that too but again i dont know enough abt that hah ! thank you so much by the way

(2/2) Hello again! This is a follow up to the first ask! If you have any of your own thoughts feel free to comment or reblog!

I don’t think there’s any one universal experience in being a Therian or having a nonhuman identity. Some find it a very positive experience overall while others find it a very stressful and difficult experience. I think like many other identities there will be good and bad, fluctuations in how your OC may feel at any given time.

Maybe they at first try to hide their identity and feel ashamed. They don’t talk about it to anyone and feel like they are making it all up in their head, many therians I’ve meet often have imposter syndrome in their own lives. And maybe overtime your Oc learns to push through the feelings of doubt before finely embracing their identity in all of its forms.

Maybe they have always had a feeling they were different. Despite everything they felt separated from their peers and loved ones around them, but never had words to properly describe their feelings. Until one day they discover their identity and it all clicks into place, they find the correct words for their feelings and it all makes sense. The years of feeling out of place finely comes together and they feel at ease with this new found understanding of themselves.

Maybe they don’t care about their identity all that much. Maybe it is only one small factor of their life and there are other things that take priority over it. They may still be a Therian but they are also have many other identities or aspirations that influence them and make them who they are. Their job, their school, their friends, their family, their religion, their gender, their race, their sexuality, other parts of their lives take priority first so being a Therian is just one more thing to them.

Maybe they feel dread. They hate the body they live in and they loath the life they live. Being nonhuman has been one small bright spot in their life, but they wish they could run away from it all. Go into the world as their true self and be seen for what they are on the inside rather then the outside.

Or maybe they’ve always known they were a Therian and have loved every second of it. They are out, proud and loud. No shame. No guilt. They love their lives as authenticity and happily as possible without a single doubt.

There is no right to wrong way to feel about your own personal identity, that’s entirely up to you to decide. Or- I guess your OC to decide lol. I feel like looking at your OCs lives experience and their personality might be the best way to build a story about how they feel about their identity. I find it really fascinating when characters perception of themselves is shaped by the world they live in or how they experience things.

I’ve heard about being animalhearted which seems really interesting! I do hope you’re able to continue on your OC and again if you have more questions/want to share stuff my DMs are always open to chat! Thanks so much for the ask! I appreciate it! :D

#otherkin #alterhuman #wolf therian #otherhearted #otherkith #therian community #therian help #coyote therian #nonhuman #wolfkin #therianthrope #therianthropy #raven therian #alterhuman community

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treetownconfessions · 8 months

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new-ish to the blog (been here about a month....,,) and i wanted to finally get this off my chest bc it was killing me. i'm queer as hell now but BACK THEN when i was 11-13 i was a cis boy who just liked reading comics and doing a jump everyday in hopes of becoming the tallest jumper in the world. and at the time i found out about happy tree friends and got into it very fast, both bc the gore and extremity was edgy and cool to me and because i genuinely liked the characters. i developed a crush on flippy, because, who didnt, and finding out a LOT of htf fans felt the same made me happy at first. but it became really clear nearly all the people who crushed and fangirled over him were girls irl and i felt like a weirdo about it because i was a BOY and i had a crush on flippy who was ALSO a boy. BUT seeing those same people ship flippy with other boy-characters in the show gave me massive mixed messages, because everyone seemed to love it when it was in-show only and i hadnt EVER met another boy online who had a crush on flippy so i wondered if it just wasnt allowed when it was outside of that, even though i wanted to express it with everyone else so bad. i couldnt go to my irl friends bc none of them were into htf and i was worried theyd think i was weird anyway. so my solution to keep crushing on flippy while still being normal to everyone else was making a htf oc that was quite literally a self-insert of myself, all the way down to the comics i liked irl, and shipped him with flippy. but i never told anyone it was my self-insert and just said it was an oc very unrelated to me and i wanted to keep it that way. i made horrible art of us and wrote equally horrible fanfic of this "oc" and flippy, bc i thought it was a genius solution to expressing my adoration for flippy whilst keeping the handful of followers and online friends i had satisfied bc it was boy x boy stuff. i never wrote/drew raunchy stuff about them bc as far as i can remember it was just shit like going on a date with flippy at the library or having picnics with him etc etc. but once i shared a recent fic with one of my online friends about them and at some point they went "you wrote it like an x reader so i thought it was self insert lol" and i was genuinely in shambles. i thought they were accusing me of having a crush on flippy myself and they were about to expose me or something (they didnt even know i was a boy irl so i dont know??) so i defensively told them it wasnt a self insert and i wasnt attracted to flippy in the slightest. but i was really rude about it and they replied saying they never said that, they never accused me of having a crush on flippy or anything like that and it was just a mistake. i dont remember the entirety of our messages but i remember getting so butthurt and angry i kept telling them to fuck off and that it wasnt a mistake on their end and they HAD to be accusing me of actually liking flippy. i blocked them and i cried so hard into my pillow i could barely breathe and i considered running away from home that day bc i was convinced that person was gonna tell everyone i liked flippy even though i was a boy and somehow get to my irl friends and family and i would be considered a freak for it forever. i stopped posting my art and fics of that "oc" and flippy after that and i didnt know how to delete my account at the time (it was on deviantart) so i just logged out and never touched it again. ive been thinking about it recently now as an adult and i forgot the password to that account so everything is still up and there hasnt been a new comment since 7 years ago but it keeps me up at night thinking about the person i cussed out and all the published stuff

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monoumysteries · 6 days

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Genshin oc.

I still have a little tweaks and stuff i need to flatten out containing her character information but this is what i have at the moment! Plus voicelines.

Hello; "Woah, hey There! You look like a fun one to party with. Im Mirika. Number one prankster in all of mondstadt!"

Chat: Pranks; " Theres nothing like playing a good ol trick on a close friend!"

Chat: Prank gone wrong; "Haha.. Yeah, its always a bit awkward when someone gets a bit angry at ya. But hey, one day they'll look back at it and say "Hey! That was kinda funny afterall.."

Chat: Exploring; "..Ahh, mondstadt is always a great place to explore!"

When Lightning strikes; "Woah!! Careful, that one definitely almost hit ya--"

When the sun is out; "Perfect timing, why dont we go for that walk now, ay?"

When it rains; "Maybe we should head inside, its getting.. pretty wet dont you think?"

When the wind is blowing; "This breeze would of been way better if we were on a mountain.. we should go!"

Good morning; "Morning! How you feel about some Mora Meat to start off the day?"

Good afternoon; "Hey! You wanna hunt with me before the sun goes down, im in the mood for some boar!"

Good evening: "Phew, well that was fun! Im exhausted, wanna talk to Kathryn and check the commissions for tomorrow?"

Good Night: "Huh? Oh, Your heading out? Well, have a good rest! I had fun today, lets go out some more tomorrow!"

About Mirika: shenanigans "Wanna know my favorite prank to pull? Classic waterbucket on a door. A little water will never hurt anyone. But Haha.. alot of people don't like that one for some reason"

About Mirika: indecisiveness; "Ugh, you know its so hard to pick something. Like why choose between Mora Meat and salmon! Why cant i just have both?"

About the vision; "in all Honesty, when i first got my vision, i thought the gods gave it to me out of pity. I mean, me? A vision? I didnt want to use it.. but eventually i realized such gods wouldnt do such a thing. So im indeed greatful for the power they trusted me with!"

Something to share. "i love to climb mountains or sit in trees. It makes me feel super powerful. And it gives me the feeling i could do anything! Like.. a sense of authority or confidence! When we go out next time wanna come with me to my most favorite spots?"

Interesting things: "im a pretty big eater! Ive won 3 Eating competitions, last year, you know!

Alot people wonder how i stay fit and eat so much. Its probably because im always up and about! Its also probably the reason i get hungry so fast.."

About bennett; "Bennett? Oh Bennett is one of my best buds! We go on aventures together, we climb together, we eat alot of meat together, hes so fun! And i consider his unluck, to be really lucky. It makes the adventure unforgettable and Unpredictable!

About Venti: "Hes pretty cool, a free spirit and always knows what to do in a tough situation! Sometimes i dont know how he keeps a smile on his face. Not to mention hes an amazing singer and poet! He tells the most interesting of stories!

Both he and i know, that the danger in adventuring is what makes it so fun!"

About klee: "Shes adorable, and definitely has the spirit to be an adventurer. Though she definitely needs to work on where and how she should use her bombs.. now She is the definition of Unpredictable.."

About barbara: "Barbara scares me a little-- she's definitely one i wouldnt prank too often. She gets scared that ill one day mess up the cathedral.

Though besides that shes always willing to help whenever i have an injury, shes calm, gentle and very nice! Whats not to love..?"

More about mirika: l; "Oh, Me? Well, theres nothing to special about me. Im just a young adventurer looking for something fulfilling in my life. Dont take my charm and looks for granted, stay a couple feet away or you might fall into one of my tricks. Ahah."

More about Mirika: ll; "Hmm, well i dont really remember much about my younger days. I suppose i dont remember, because im not too fond of thinking about it.. luckily All i need is my brother and friends! Think more about the future rather then dwelling on the past is what i say!"

Mirika's Hobbies: "Well, cooking is definitely one of my specialties, its fo much fun to sit at an open fire and make some delicious food. Its definitely something you need to know how to do if your gonna be an adventurer!"

Mirika's troubles: "Ah well. It can be very disappointing, when i come home without anything in hand.. its so frustrating to spend so much time and energy into hoping to find something cool! But then.. your disappointed. Luckily, it gives me an excuse to go home. Mondstadt id always a place of happiness so no worried right?"

Favorite food: "Meat and fish! Meat is so fulfilling and you can make so many amazing dishes with it! Fish is also super similar, i typically prefer freshly cooked salmon, with delicious crunchy skin! Mmm thinking about it makes me hungry!"

Least favorite food.: "well.. im not a big fan of mushrooms. Im not a fan of the allmighty mushroom skewers.. Though, the Matsutake meatrolls can sure fill my hunger!"

#genshin impact #genshin oc #genshin impact oc #genshin fandom #genshin fanart #my art #fandom #oc art #oc sheet #reference sheet #character sheet

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angelcloves · 10 months

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thank u for the tag in this lil writing game @enchantedchocolatebars

1. What motivates you to write?

if i dont write ill just flat out go crazy it needs to get out of my brain

2. A line/short snippet of your writing that you are most proud of; if not, share a line from someone else's work that you love (just make sure to give credit

ive written so much and cant be bothered to pick a favorite line so heres an excerpt from burning bridges

“Camilla Myles, may I see you in the throne room?” The air was cold, but it dropped a few degrees chillier as the Emperor receded into his lofty throne room once more and soft chatter broke out amongst the scouts. They each spoke of Camilla, but none to Camilla. She stood paralyzed in the line for what felt like hours. She’d been a scout for two years without even a single warning on her record. She couldn’t imagine what she’d done to warrant being called straight to the throne room, but she didn’t want to keep the Emperor waiting. It never ended well for the Golden Guard when he made Belos wait.

3. Which OC makes you smile when you think/talk about them and what are they like?

all of them but lately ive had annie on the brainacle. shes cold and quiet but god she loves her friends more than anything even if shes just got the one and they end up with a major wedge driven between them for most of the story

4. Which process of writing do you enjoy the most?

planning! its the part i get to go absolutely bonkers during. im a huge fan of broad strokes so shaping things before i start real development hell is a super fun activity

5. Which part of writing do you think you're best at? (Stroke your own ego, it's okay)

ive always seen myself as a dialogue person from my time writing for stage but i think my foreshadowing has been getting better lately

6. What is something in the writeblr community that is most enjoyable?

im going to treat writeblr here as my mutual circle but god i love that we bounce ideas off of each other so often

7. A writing tool/device that helps you with writing (i.e. text-to-speech, a program, etc...)

comic sans

8. A piece of world-building that you like in your own story (it could be the magic system, a particular place, a law, etc...)

all of the hopper stuff honestly. it was funny how well it translated to the collector even before we knew what they were really made of

9. What piece of advice would you give to encourage others to write if they are having a rough patch?

try a different approach. sometimes it helps to make a major departure from your norm. pick up poetry or work under a set of constraints youve never given yourself before. it helps to come into something fresh yknow

10. Tag some people whose work you love/ have been your biggest supporters

the GANG

@blackyote

@emsprovisions

@sapphic--kiwi

@secretly-of-course

and also everyone else who i forgot because i know thats not all of you please dont take it personally im just scatterbrained this is for all of you

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excadrill · 9 months

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tagged by @yj-98 ilyyy 🫶🫶🤍

RULES: Reveal the titles of the documents in your WIP folder and tag as many people as there are documents. Let others ask questions about the ones that interest them and post snippets or explain the contents as you see fit!

tag as many people as their are wips.. eep.. sorry i'd put this under a cut but it's not working on mobile 😭

ankhgiveaway.sai [i held an art giveaway in february and havent finished the prizes even tho i keep looking at them and going 'i need to and Want to finish this..']

yuukigiveaway.sai [same as above but the person who requested this one deactivated so i. don't know if i'm still gonna finish it]

sonomomo.sai [my current priority 'For Me' wip.. ive shared this wip w some people but ive never done a proper piece for the 'cycle of life and death' thing for them so that's what this one is..💙❤️]

exozinewip5.sai [pokemon zine oc piece, not supposed to share zine wips so idk if i should say more but it's of my beloved gymsona.. this zine will be free + digital and i'll ofc be promoting it more when it's done but it's soooo cute keep your eyes out for this one :3c '5' not bc im contributing multiple pieces but bc this piece is big and slightly intimidating for me so i keep saving different versions when i do major merges]

pocketzine-nymble.sai [another pokemon zine piece, so i can't really say more But it's not the only thing im contributing to this zine, ive just finished all my other stuff already]

oczine-thumbs.sai [thumbs for an oc zine i signed up for that i'll probably drop out of bc im not feeling like a vibe w everyone else there >w>;;; ]

philip.sai [philip piece ive had sitting around basically since i finished W.. about a year ago now i think ? but i transferred it to my '23 wips folder bc i still wanna finish it..it was supposed to be a 'this one will be quick and easy so i'll have smthn i Finished this month outside of zine stuff' but. zine stuff took up all my time and energy oops]

mrtourism.sai [this one's a silly post-canon kirihiko art i've Also had sitting around for like a year. i chip away at this one sometimes but then keep restarting bc im unsatisfied with the lines i wish i could just sit down and finish it bc i Love Him]

platform.sai [ummm silly ryotaro thing i drew after watching the den-o final stage ^__^ not a high priority one but it's cute so like. maybe one day]

punkjackhelmet.sai [file name was bc i was originally doing helmet studies before it turned into a full sketch. punkjack with the beat buckle bc i was doing this right after his special came out 🎃🫶]

colourwheel.sai [ummm well. yeah im not good at finishing art memes when theyre still on trend. i did all the sketches for these but i probably won't finish at this point..]

poppyangel.sai [poppy ex-aid i sketched as a break between big stuff the other day that i like a lot so. maybe will finish but might just post unfinished if i cant find the energy to get to this one sooner. feel bad that i like ex-aid so much but don't have any clean art done for it..]

millirider.sai [toku oc planning :3 i was saying last night i finally figured the helmet out which ive been struggling with for ages so hopefullyyyy i get around to doing a proper ref sheet]

im not at my laptop rn so im doing this off the top of my head but i THINK that's everything.. tagging umm @ankhisms @heartvisor @madaraki @circeancity @horrorcomedies @yu3s @pleuvoire @kosukeiichi @danothan @seashrine @asticassia @eclipse-song @kirider only if you guys wanna 🤍🤍

#simon says

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sunsp0tarchive · 4 months

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Some stuff about Gabriels and Annas parents

ive been thinking a lot about some of my other ocs that i havent developed a ton yet, but i wanted to share a few of my thoughts if anyone else wants to read (honestly the tumblr format kind of helps me to keep these thoughts together as well for myself so, anyways)

Gabbis and Annas parents are Gabriel de Luca (sr) and Elif de Luca. For ease of referring to him, he can be called Gab and i will refer to our current young Gabriel as Gabbi! Gab was the younger brother of two, very friendly, gentle and a bit of a pushover. Always a bit shorter than other guys, with warm reddish-brown hair and light brown eyes. He also had freckles when the sun came out. His older brother, Alexander was quite the opposite, very tall, traditionally handsome with dark hair and medium brown eyes. Alex was always into sports, physical activities, big family and friend meetings, he loved doing things for other people, he was very popular and outgoing but in a very genuine and friendly way. just a big, friendly personality in a tall hunky guy. But he was also stubborn and headstrong, while Gab was more of a thinker, quiet, polite. But he was not spineless or weak. He passed away when his twin children were only a year old, leaving Elif behind with them. She had a very gentle but strong and persevering personality, the grief of the loss did affect her very much, but she never showed this to her kids.

A few years later, Alexander and Elif got married to each other, so the twins became Alex' stepkids as well as his niece and nephew. He was cold and depressed for a few years, after losing not only his brother, but also the loss of his girlfriend and baby son, who vanished one night. He grew to love Gabriel and Anna , and him and Elif both agreed to have Gabriel take on his fathers name when he eventually let his parents know that he was actually a boy. The twins mostly look like their mother, Elif. The only difference being their round faces, where Elif had a long, gaunt face. Long, black curly hair, a curved nose, moles in her face and of course the perfectly black/brown eyes. She was a wonderful mother and encouraged them to pursue their passions and had high standards for them, although never allowing herself to become overly strict and cruel. Until she became older and let her cynicism grow stronger and stronger. Snappy comments, sarcasm, it only got worse after their adoptive father/uncle Alexander passed away when the twins were 18 years old. Gabriel often feels obligated to spend time with his mother and to care for her, but often gets criticized for all sorts of things. She rarely leaves her room and gets angry at her son when he forgets to spend time with her.

#just a few thoughts on them #i will draw them all later : D #i do have a drawing of alex but i think it needs to be updated too.#Elif #Anna #Gabriel #Gab #Alexander #my ocs #oc posting

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femzai · 8 months

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If it's okay can I please ask for chuuya

But how would he be in a relationship with kianna

Like say NSFW and sfw if you're comfortable with that

By the way she is an OC of mine you can find more information about her on my page here on Tumblr

Most of my OCS and their Aesthetics and their information have their name on it so if you see the name kianna komori that's her aesthetic's and information

｡ﾟ•┈୨♡୧┈• ｡ﾟ

femzai art by iztea_ on twt :)

SHAKES YOU OH MY GOODNESS ILY N UR OC I SUPPORT OC X CANON SMMM

good heavens n the deisgn is so sillyyyyyy/pos GENUINELY I LOVE IT SHAKE SYOU AGAIN WAAAWAAA ♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎

gonna give u relationship hcs sfw and nsfw :)

SFW

good heavens is love in the air lowkey with him n kianna :)

when they first started flirting he definitely did his best to understand her more even though she doesn’t like to share. ignoring her cold shoulders and def pushing

he never mistook her as someone weak, making sure to never underestimate her in any way because he knows she’s strong :3

GIFT GIVING!!!!!!!!! showering her in gifts is a favorite thing Chuuya loves to do, he has the money why not spoil her? (her aesthetic is so freaking cutesy btw i love it sm)

his favorite type of gifts to give is 100% dresses or hair accessories. he enjoys watching kianna dress up even if its just something simple :3

once together Chuuya would do his best to entertain her likes/hobbys. for example you mentioned she enjoyed to run in the hot summer rain, i feel like with all that cash Chuuya has he’d pretend he didnt lowkey plan to take her out to a nice lodge where theres a high chance to rain!!!!

chuuya may want a dog but he doesn’t mind getting a kitty for her, taking care of it as much as he could just for her. like a doting father to the kitty just for her. getting embarrassed when seen talking to it (chuuya def does a baby voice to the cat.)

i feel like, chuuya would take kianna on special dates as much as he could. despite being a port mafia executive and def sent on many missions any free time he has chuuya would have a date planned maybe something like small n romantic like stargazing or whatever it’s something he wants to do with kianna!!!!!!!!!!!!!

NSFW

body worship. so much body worship from chuuya to kianna, kissing her body scars during sex as much as he could!!

chuuya is definitely gentle, holding her hips and stuff during sex carefully and carrying her so she could relax against him!

chuuya wouldnt push her to do things she wouldnt like to do, always making sure if things are okay.

i feel like sex with chuuya is mostly vanilla, but he’d love to try whatever kianna would want (he’d be careful though when handling her!!) :)

i feel like chuuya would love to see kianna’s face when doing her, leaning close against her skin and honestly breathing in her scent.. (i swear like chuuya is a bit sentimental with lovers and like adores them secretly like a giddy teenager :3)

chuuya buys her cute babydoll dresses to wear just to see her walk around in it or during sex!! making sure to buy laces, ruffles in a soft pink or red (because red is def a fav color for him). holding her close whenever shes dressed up!!!!

he definitely eats her out, he wants to service kianna like a princess for sure :3, holding her legs open while he goes at it.. humming too when he hears her approval from him ♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎

a/n — so sorry this took like… 5 days!? ive been going through it so horribky and ive been unmotivated >_> but thats okay!! ur oc kianna is very lovely i love her a lot :)) it was nice reading about her ♥︎

#bsd #bsd oc #bsd hcs #bungo stray dogs #hcs for a oc!#bsd oc hc #femzai so me #i should have a custom tag #hcs #oc x canon #canon x oc #not my oc #shes a cutie tho #:)#random music reccomendation but #listen to tvgirl or take care #trust me #:3

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qwizzers · 9 months

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so i just found your youtube channel like a few minutes ago and I really enjoyed your video talking about different types of social media and your own personal experience/opinions on them because ive been bouncing back and forth between social medias. I personally miss the old twitter and instagram format but ever since instagram has been turned into a reel-obsessed platform it is very difficult to get reach there so i think twitter has been my most safest/casual posting experience for me. i felt like on instagram i had so much pressure to post reels and i never gave in but it was just super frustrating, sometimes really wanting to just completely leave it entirely, but for now i guess im trying to just post more. im not a tumblr user really but i had this tumblr acc ages ago so i decided to log back in just to message here, but i wanted to ask, if theres any way we can talk further abt this privately i would love to go more in depth ! i dont check tumblr often so im not even sure if you will ever answer this haha, or how i would know if you did or not, but i guess a question that also comes to mind is, how do you post without overthinking? i have so much art i make so many doodles and unfinished wips, and people post wips all the time ! and its like, i cannot bring myself to do that either... im scared of someone either tracing over my art/stealing my art /ocs and just im not sure i guess posting wips makes me not want to finish the art, but when i dont post often i often feel pressure to post fully rendered stuff and sometimes ! i just wanna post a cute furry oc with thigh socks is that so much to ask !!!!!!! XD,,, i kind of scare myself out of posting, but how do i make myself more comfortable with posting without worrying? i scare myself from doing anything haha, i WANT to be more active ! and i want to post more oc stuff and even fanart, but i always make excuses like "nah ill do that when i get better, or ill do it when the drawing is finished" and sometimes i dont even post finished sketches or art !!!!!! i will take any suggestions or anything, but im desperate to break this bad habit,,,, and also ! another question is, how do people code their toyhouse? i saw you explain it in the video a bit, and i recently just got my toyhouse to post oc stuff, but im not sure how people code their card.co, and toyhouse so if theres any sort of website or program or anything i can use to do this please let me know ! i really want to decorate my stuff more :3,,, anyways im not sure if you publically post these.... but if i can somehow post my discord somewhere so we can talk further please let me know !

okay, this ask was super sweet and i want to just say thank u bc it was a fun read :3 hopefully if you do see this response - i have a discord if you want to add me and talk, its qwizzers! i have a website (https://qwizz.carrd.co) and you can see all the sites that i use there so if you use any as well you can contact me there!

so my input on avoiding overthinking b4 you post is to start sharing your work in smaller places to build up your confidence! if you're worried about tracing/stealing, i don't want to say that's not a legitimate concern, bc it IS, however i will say it really doesn't happen too often! ive been around for years and i dont think ive...ever had anyone trace me, the most i've seen is heavy referencing and usually if you bring it to their attention, they instantly stop - when this happens i say it's 70% of the time just young kids that don't realize what theyre doing is wrong or didnt realize youd find out. you can also watermark your work! theres nothing wrong with watermarks, even if its just on a sketch! while it cant necessarily guard against tracers, it can guard against blatant theft. you dont necessarily have to post your work in progresses if doing so demotivates you; but you dont have to exclusively post fully rendered art, either. try to get into a habit of making doodles n more simple art in between your big pieces, and get into the swing of posting those! if you feel like you havent posted in a while, just make a quick doodle or something along those lines and share that! you can build up your confidence with posting online in general by starting small - you could start by sharing your art in discord servers or with your friends so you get more confident about sharing your work regularly. "ill do this when i'm good enough" is a SUPER detrimental train of thought...bc there will never be a point where you'll admit to yourself that you feel like you're ready. that's just a part of the artistic progression :') if you have that mindset, you'll ALWAYS have that mindset, and you'll never actually do the projects that you want to! if you think its outside your ability, it probably isnt really, and you should give it a go anyways! even if it doesnt look perfect or turn out exactly how you wanted it to, you'll probably still be happy in the end bc u gave it your best effort :]

heres my bit on toyhouse:

if you know how to code w html, all you have to do is press "edit profile" on a character and you can code directly into the big box field! if you're not seeing that, it has to do with your settings (which i can explain more in depth if need be) if you ARENT familiar w html, thats fine too! you can find a TON of free to use toyhouse code templates, and a lot of them even explain exactly how to use them! basically you can copy and paste their code for free into your character profile, and just change the text so it fits your character :3 i have a favorite folder for all the neat free to use codes i see, here's a link: https://toyhou.se/Qwizz/favorites/79962 *my toyhouse is kind of eyestrainy btw!) carrd is a seperate website: https://carrd.co you can make a carrd for free and its much more straightforward, you basically just drag text boxes/images in and customize the site how youd like :3

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letgraysonsheart · 1 year

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Hello friend!! For the most recent fic meme questions:🌈🎀🎈🤲

hii! thanks for the ask <3

🌈is there a fic that you worked *really fucking hard on* that no one would ever know? maybe a scene/theme you struggled with?:

Hmm anything medical, which was the biggest struggle for the ric fic. trying not to go too deep into the medical aspect because i just dont know the field. I struggled with being just vague enough for it to be convincing but not dramatically wrong.

I also once wrote a drabble that focused on Steph and Bruce, which I struggled with because I write and read so little of the dynamic. I remember being proud about how it turned out because of that.

🎀give yourself a compliment about your own writing:

Maybe not what the question is really about but: i guess im proud of how i always write what i want and when i want? Im not one to be pushed into things. I love prompts, dont get me wrong, but complaints or nagging wont make me do something. I also often feel like I can write a pretty good dialogue/speech.

🎈describe your style as a writer; is it fixed? does it change?

Ive been writing fanfic for a loong time (over 13 years i think) so while ive always been one for hurt/comfort ive certainly grown as a writer. My first fics was big on the self-insert Mary Sue stuff (cause i was like ten years old.) I havent written anything like that in a loong time, and im not one for OCs. I lean more into emotions now over actual action. I've been fairly consistent about how little romance and smut happens in my fics, because I've never felt good at writing that. I love some good old platonic or family angst., but the style changes slightly as I grow older and learn more. Nowadays I write a lot of long conversations, and tension building until someone (mainly Dick in my DC stuff) explodes. Currently, I seem to be loving writing some good bittersweetness and melancholy.

🤲what do YOU get out of writing?:

I often write stuff cause its something I want to read. At least thats what pushes me into writing and then it grows into more. I also love the feeling of suddenly being taken over by some creative spirit and writing pages on pages in one sitting. Its an amazing outlet for stress and emotions. AND of course, i love sharing with others and seeing people actually like it, seeing responses of «THAT IS YOU?» when talking about my fics online, and people appriciating what i made.

Let's Get ((REAL)) fic writer asks

#this was fun!!#thanks again #ask #ask meme

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many-but-one · 2 years

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hi system question!! it’s like the different names I have feel like completely different people and I suddenly feel like “well I’m (name) now I should go by name bc now I’m him again I am name” like. one name has its own personality, body/features, species, aesthetic, likes, pronouns, etc. and the other is very different in those ways. so Ive called these alters bc well they seem to be different people when u look at them. and different people use different names. and it’s not rlly me using the names just for fun as names but bc they feel like people and those are their names. but idk how to be sure that I’m not just forcing myself to be them or making up ocs/personas/etc. as far as I’m aware singlets don’t have this kind of situation with names unless they are purposefully forcing another persona for some reason like as a thing online or with a new person they meet .. but isn’t that what alters and switching Feels like… feeling like another person who uses another name?…if not then what bc when u feel like different people and each people use different names then ? plus when u also have trauma and dissociation and possible amnesia if amnesia counts as your memories feeling faded/void and not remembering lasts weeks/months and feeling like earlier in the day is far away and didn’t happen.. yet not recalling switching during those times where u don’t remember . is this what alters feel like?

Hello anon! This is Jules!

I first want to preface that I am not a professional so I am not going to definitively say "Yes! You have alters!" Because I don't know you at all and I am not your therapist. I am going to share my experiences and experiences of other systems I've talked to to try and help you get an idea of what having alters feels like. Just know that DID can be difficult to nail down, and many other disorders can be mistaken for DID, which is why it often takes so long for DID systems to receive a diagnosis. (Many systems spend many years in the psychiatric system being misdiagnosed with stuff that presents similarly to untreated DID.)

For me, Jules, having alters in the beginning (before I knew as many as I know today) felt very strange. I had very little communication, and even though they had always been present, I never really understood that they were there. Because all of the memories I've ever had have included them. (Well, most of them.) For example, I learned that our gatekeeper was co-con with me for a large part of my college career, literally ALL THE TIME. It was during this time I was certain I was a trans man because I felt male all the time and had extreme body dysphoria. Well, James is a cis male and gets body dysphoria because we are AFAB. However, James kept high walls between me and everyone else so I had no idea that they existed. Any voices that leaked out I just assumed was my inner thoughts. Which led to some funny "wait, why would I think that?" moments all throughout my life that I remember very vividly. In my freshman year of college things were absolutely crazy internally because I was starting to catch on that something fishy was happening. Stuff started coming out and I heard voices a lot and sometimes felt like I wasn't myself. Actually, a lot of the time I felt like I wasn't myself. I don't know how to perfectly put it into words, but basically things I enjoyed normally I found boring or I liked foods I normally wouldn't, or I acted very erratic and different from my normal demeanor. My mother says she noticed this and didn't really know what to do. She mentioned (when I told her I had DID a few months ago) that I would sometimes have extreme amnesia for things that she was sure I would know (like what we did yesterday, something big like a party) or just full-on act very aggressive and out of character. She recalled I also talked about how I always felt like I was dreaming and had a hard time distinguishing dreams from reality. She said there were multiple occasions where she would come into my room or a back area of our house and just see me staring off into space. She would try to get my attention and I would respond, but very distantly, like I wasn't really hearing her. I have no memory of these events. I told her that I was likely dissociating.

Once I understood alters existed in my fifth year of college and James started leaving front more often to work on other things internally, I started to recognize when he wasn't there. And when he was I could "feel" his presence, even if he wasn't speaking. Almost like having an aura or a vibe. It was incredibly comforting to me. He had always been there, since the very very beginning and had always protected me and everyone else. Of course he was comforting! Though, he was definitely quite cold and harsh at times, as he was very adamant in making sure I was not aware of trauma memories.

Nowadays that I am finally and truly accepting that the disorder exists and now have counted (I think???) about 29ish alters and fragments, things are much more fluid and it's easier to tell "oh, Foster is near front, he's starting to blend with me which means he might front soon." There is a lot less amnesia for us nowadays too because I am almost always co-con or at least semi-aware of what's going on in front. It's taken over a year of specialized DID therapy to get this far. My DID therapy is moving very quickly, which came from a lot of working on communication outside of therapy and taking breaks when necessary. (Going mach speed through DID therapy is not advised...I learned that the hard way.) Since more trauma has come out recently, things have been slowing down a lot...which I prefer, honestly. Slow and steady wins the race. It's a marathon, not a sprint.

So yeah, the feeling that someone else is fronting soon or feeling their presence seems to be normal. I can say "Pain is co-con and Foster is around/nearby" and that would make sense in a DID context.

However, other symptoms of DID are necessary, which you have mentioned. Such as amnesia for life occurrences, amnesia for trauma, etc. I've heard OSDD systems have less amnesia but can still have it, but perhaps not as much blackouts as DID folks have. And parts in OSDD-1b can be defined, but I heard more passive type switches are more common, as in "becoming" someone else rather than a "hard switch" that would happen in folks with DID who suffer from amnesia. I am not an expert in OSDD (or DID, I just happen to have the latter and have worked with specialist and asked a lot of questions in that time.) so if someone has more info (preferably with sources if you can because OSDD is VERY misunderstood in the system community and I want you to receive correct information) please feel free to contribute.

I think if you believe you have trauma, experience amnesia and dissociation to some degree, and feel like you have different self-states that take control of the body in some way (even if it's not physical control, such as being co-con and liking things you wouldn't normally like or acting strange when you are still in control because of passive influence) then there's a possibility that DID/OSDD could be involved. However, other disorders can present similarly to DID like I already mentioned, which is a big reason why DID takes so long to diagnose. If I were you, I would do a lot more research regarding the subject and not only ask me, a random Tumblr system that doesn't know you. XD I am happy to educate, but I am not going to diagnose. Even if I was a licensed therapist I would not be able to do so because I really don't know enough about your situation.

Depending on your view of syscourse, there are some really great blogs that provide fantastic information about DID. Here they are:

@justanothersyscourse

@constellation-of-us

@foreverfragmented (this blog as a Google Drive full of DID/OSDD information in their pinned post which is fantastic.)

There used to be a blog called anti-endo-agony-auncles and I know they changed their url but I cannot for the life of me remember it so anyone knows it please tell me. They are also a fantastic resource.

This blog talks about DID recovery without psychiatry, which is badass if it works for you:

@holywheel

For support and positivity for trauma survivors (not just DID systems):

@traumasurvivors

Just know that some of these blogs require you to be an adult, and they are anti-endo. A fantastic system that is unaligned in syscourse is @circulars-reasoning. Though they seem to focus more on the syscourse side of things, which I don't recommend early on in trying to figure out what's going on with you. I made that mistake and, similarly to circulars-reasoning, was involved in the endo community for a while which only proved to confuse me more. Because I didn't believe I had trauma, but was experiencing DID symptoms regardless.

ALSO do not expect to get a diagnosis out of any of these blogs either, as you should not be trying to get a diagnosis from someone on Tumblr. However, these folks have good information that might help clear some things up. Overall, you should do research from scholarly sources, they are available as pdfs basically everywhere nowadays.

Good luck, stay safe, and be well.

Peace!

-Jules

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