mostspecialgirl

[mostspecialgirl]

another solo ramble post - relicverse, ocs, flg, and 'succeeding as an artist'

one of the first pieces of digital art i’ve tried to do (not counting back when i was a kid on chickensmoothie) was a '100 OC’s Challenge', which, even at the time, little me thought “what? Just 100? bitch i’ve got this in the BAG” (i did in fact, have it in the bag) and so seeing it again made me want to do a redraw of it. y’know throw in their modern updated designs, maybe try to give them a little more expression, switch the order around and whatnot. but i asked myself “Well in that case, why don’t I just redo the whole thing instead of making it a redraw? Stick in some new series since little me got lazy of drawing from a list at like 75, and it can be something nice to refer to.”

(pictured: old ass disgusting FLG page of the 100 oc’s challenge, as well as the infamous Crusty Backup Of An Old Version of the Ancient FLG Pixel Art Sheet)

then i remembered it’s ONLY 100 slots. by now, i’ve got WAY too much going on and i’ve had another “oh. Well shit. I forgot I’m nuts about this shit” because quite honestly I could probably do 300 without having to think too hard. And maybe that’s a bit of an issue. what is a girl doing with 300+ characters floating around her brain. i’ve got tens of stories where NONE have PROPERLY seen the light of day because i’m scared of comitting to a shitty adaptation that interests no one. or i get too overly ambitious in what’s actually possible and blow out my motivation to wanting it down in consumable form at that time. here i am cooped up in my little shack with the same problem i’ve had my whole life:

i’d love to have one or two eyes on my work who care about it, but i’ve never had any knack for attracting an audience. i spent YEARS on instagram to the tune of Only Making A Single Friend I Fell Out Of Touch With. All of the success I’ve had on twitter over the years is directly tied to “well did Friend 1 or Friend 2 Retweet This?” (With an exception i’ll get to) and only QUITE RECENTLY (in the scope of my artist career) have i made friends who LOOK at my ART and press LIKE. i just feel a little suffered! maybe i’m just scarred from instagram cause’ i was shit at drawing back then. maybe i just have to do fanart with the skills i have now and inevitably i’ll have followers of my own who i don’t see through the lens of “borrowed, not earned”. but i’m scared of failure. i’ve long failed, don’t get me wrong, but i’m afraid of falling deeper, despite how insignificant an Online Existence Like This already is.

(pictured: record of existence)

my one success, being twitter’s “GAYRETARDGF” was the first time in my life i received any attention that made me think “oh shit, maybe i’m actually a little bit funny and not just an insane unfunny person”. i spent years playing Jester for My Personal King that i’ve kind of lost any frame of reference pertaining to how i’m perceived by others. i’ve always been terrible at that. despite getting suspended at another Peak Growth Moment and the fact i’ve failed to reclaim that spark, it’s made me realize “Maybe I can succeed creatively”. after all, GAYRETARDGF’s thing was vulgar quips and drawn out nonsensical scenario posts and WELL. not to name names or kick any other artists under the bus, unlike most Crazy Posters “artist careers”, my art, i find, is every bit as unserious, witty, vulgar, and STUPID as my tweets were. (i think the writing in Puzzling Commission is a testament to that)

even if i failed to recapture the lightning in a bottle that was GAYRETARDGF, knowing people find my stupid bits funny is such a candle in the dark i’ve been in my whole life. i’m always telling my friends “i’m trying to be the new henry darger” and even though i’m joking, I’m afraid that maybe i will be to a few souls who stumble on my work. i’ve found my own 'personal dargers' over the years who i bemuse over, wondering where they are now, and if they still care about art. I don’t want to give up. I want to keep pushing. I’m coming up on the 10th anniversary of FLG and finally at this point in my life i’m seeing the signs that potentially I can make ONE person BECOME A DEDICATED FAN of the relicverse. my art’s almost there, my writing’s there, and all i have to do it wait for the wind to catch these sails. (i will however, have to find the right sails for the job)

i’m far from kidding when i say the relicverse is my life’s work. i think i’d like to make it succeed. i hope in this modern landscape it CAN succeed. so i’m going to bust my fucking ASS OFF drawing fanart on tumblr and see where it goes. I’d honestly be satisfied just being a mildly successful fanartist in a fandom i like.

SURPRISE! THIS POST ISN’T DONE YET!

for the second part here, feel free to stop reading, i want to talk a little more about FLG. FLG is the series younger me put my whole SOUL into. even 'sarah' which i’m going by now (due to a strange set of circumstances which i might talk about in a future ramblepost about Gender and Stuff), is taken from 'sa’ara pyrophyte byblis' who at the time was my favourite character. To repeat what i said earlier with a little more information, FLG is in fact coming up on it’s tenth anniversary and that’s HORRIFYING. i’ve been working on this shit since before UNDERTALE. BEFORE UNDERTALE!!!!!!!!!! CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT SHIT?????

flg’s been sent to the backburner while i recontextualize a ton of lore, but in a lot of ways, it’s the reason the relicverse even exists. sure, these days, DEVIL’S MANNER opens up the gate, but the first series i wrote to acknowledge the planes and the presence of a shared greater universe is from FLG. hell, FLG’s story can be read as a parallel to Demiurge’s story (intentional) though… now that i say that, it’s not like anyone would know what i mean by that.

despite not DIRECTLY touching FLG in any significant way in these recent times, i think it’s only become more important to the greater universe. the kailash clan finds their origins in FLG, and by extension, the outer gods. hastur himself is a direct descendant of the outer gods, and despite being seen as an 'imperfect halfling' by the ancients during FLG, at the end of the story and before the events of sundown, hastur gains his proper respects as 'their greatest child', being half ancient and half elder god, essentially the image of purity they’ve been chasing. an ancient whose blood bears the love of their creators. oh. right. i guess now’s a good time to mention Hastur and by extension Ithaqua are both Kailash, though the two aren’t keen on identifying as such after everything Cass did to their friends family and home.

in the current scape of the relicverse, the Kailash are by far the only clan who has political relevance, both the berezaiti and sinai clans divided and mostly irrelevant in terms of modern planeswalker culture. The Kailash are like, kind of really important.

but, technically, the berezaiti are also from FLG. Ounon Thanast, chief of one of the Tindalosian Clans that find their homeworld in FLG’s Earth, is the parent of Yima Berezaiti, who, if for some reason you know my lore, is the whole reason the Berezaiti clan is a CLAN.

FLG’s earth, GENESIS EARTH, is pretty significantly important to the RELICVERSE. It’s one of the planes lying upon 'The Rim', with the control for influence over it contested by both The Planeswalker Association and the Hundred Nights Guild. Due to the presence of Azathoth’s Canvas Energy Offgassing, within GENESIS EARTH, everyone’s line of fate is rewritten to have them destined to awaken a Power (as in 'Powers' of 'The Five Elements') by lingering around in this plane for long enough, anyone can gain another unique ability JUST by doing fuck all!!!! which OF COURSE has led to the eternal struggle of planeswalkers upon their world.

Even the Trinity and RELIC EARTH aren’t safe, with Angelo Rust of INSIDERS being a Genesis Earth native and brother of the Sinai Clan’s Patriarch Einrich, Gervase Sinai, was condemned to the plane by the King of the Watchers, Samyaza, who is also one of RELIC EARTH’s Outer Gods. AND, SPOILER ALERT, GERVASE IS THE FATHER OF VIRGIL, THE PROTAGONIST OF FLG: SUNDOWN!!!

gaaaasp

There’s so many more little connections like that and yet somehow i never seemed to consider genesis earth as more than a footnote, until now, of course. but i’m not sure what i want to do with flg. the obvious answer is a COMIC, seeing as it’s about SUPERHEROES, but i can’t help but wonder if there’s another path also worth pursuing. Superhero media is everywhere these days, and with the success of works like Invincible’s adaptation, The Boys’s adaptation, and like, the crazy marvel movie explosion that happened with infinity war and endgame, Superhero stuff is back in the public consciousness. There’s a lot of avenues. That’s getting too far ahead though seeing as I’ve had a Big Inevitable Rewrite for it on the schedule… gruygh,,, there’s too much to ramble about today… what was it i was even trying to talk about…

oh. Yeah. Right. I’d love for FLG to find its success somehow, some way, someday, with beautiful 5 active readers, and 20 Asks in my Tumblr Askbox, but i’m a little fearful i might never have the time or power to get to it. I guess I’ll see. I’ll just keep plugging along.

Now shoo!!! Shoo!!!

#leastspecialgirl #stupid oc rambling

[mostspecialgirl]

you'll never believe what i found out today

[mostspecialgirl]

How is fucking NO ONE awake on friday night????? HELLO??????? WHERE IS EVERYONE

#leastspecialgirl #AS SOON AS I POSTED THIS I BORE WITNESS TO SOMETHING DISHESRTENING #THIS NIGHT COULD NOT BE GOING ANY WORSE #SSSSAVE. NMMMEEEEE

[mostspecialgirl]

“And Super Bunyan said, Let there be Castoria: and there was Castoria.” - Quartz 30:11

(ahem, ahem) FFFFFFFFFFFFFUUCCCKKKK YYYEEEESSSS!!!!!! YES!!!!!!! YYYEEEESSSS!!!!!!!!

CASTORIA CAME HOME AND ALL IS RIGHT IN THE WORLD???? ARJUNA ALTER INTO SUPER BUNYAN INTO SABER LILY INTO CASTORIA???? I’M ON IT BITCH and MY LUCK IS ACTUALLY FUCKING GONE FOREVER. COMPLETELY IRRECOVERABLE AFTER THIS. But that’s okay. Castoria’s here now. Waver can finally rest as the Arjuna Alter Twins are forced into servitude under their new lord. No longer will i know worry. All I have to do now is sit back and enjoy rereading the story. (and farm, of course)

my chaldea lineup is so unserious

anyway

Thank you Castoria. Thank you Super Bunyan. Good FUCKING night.

#leastspecialgirl #fgo #fate grand order

[mostspecialgirl]

THE ANSWER, after much deliberation of both Favoritism Bias and What I’m In Need Of, is the LOVELY

Baobhan Sith

what a sweet little baby. So precious

free SR has me sobbing throwing up crying because i they’re making me choose between beloved salter and a banana and i NEED neither of them. and there’s others i want. What am i going to do dude

#leastspecialgirl #if i happen to SOMEHOW pull her during the castoria banner #Then it’s Barghest or Zenobia. that’ll be. awhole other thijg

[mostspecialgirl]

Its been 8 minutes and im back to hating while hunched over in my bed nibbling on some cheese. Oh well

tried to cringe but instead was filled with warmth and love for the world. i felt deep appreciation through my latent empathy. I can’t do hatred anymore. I’m cured

#leastspecialgirl

[mostspecialgirl]

free SR has me sobbing throwing up crying because i they’re making me choose between beloved salter and a banana and i NEED neither of them. and there’s others i want. What am i going to do dude

#leastspecialgirl #fgo

[mostspecialgirl]

tried to cringe but instead was filled with warmth and love for the world. i felt deep appreciation through my latent empathy. I can’t do hatred anymore. I’m cured

#leastspecialgirl

[mostspecialgirl]

i personally would like to see a visual novel all star battle royale where all the protagonists compete to romance each other and see who can manage to achieve the harem route

#leastspecialgirl #everyone mutually deciding to lock up takumi chaos;head in an iron box at the start of the game

[mostspecialgirl]

i fucking FOUND IT!!!!! i stumbled on the Original First Angelo just SITTING THERE in my google photos despite the fact ive checked it a million times before. also, there’s a prototype ist at the bottom, along with myne (who is cropped out)

typical rambling continues below, but just about Myne

here’s some modern myne. i haven’t posted her anywhere online until now mostly because i’ve had no need to, and my OC Online Activity is hard to follow and Clogged Full Of Useless Stuff as is. but myne is one of ist’s biggest supporters, a cait sith who serves as one of his 3 familiars. that’s right. ist has FAMILIARS!!!

Myne was summoned forth by Ist before he became Heavenless, a witch with a soft spot for Ers and pity of Ist, the two of them entered a Familiar contract as insurance she would do her best to keep harm away from Ers while Ist would head out to try and earn a living. she’s the closest person to Ist and Ers, and is probably the only person Ist considers a proper friend without any reluctance before the Six Monsters.

she’s also super tall

nana cameo! i’ll probably talk more about ist and his familiars in a future ramblepost but im tired

#mostspecialgirldoodletag #oc #original character #relicverse #6monsters #ist granthiev #ers granthiev #myne caitsith #nana dullahan

[mostspecialgirl]

god dude its been months but i just cant get over the fact a cover of one of my songs exists. I cant believe someone covered one of my songs and its on youtube and i can listen to it. someone liked my song enough to do that. that means more than any amount of money. SO fucking unreal SO fucking nuts

#leastspecialgirl

[mostspecialgirl]

To me they are the same. Is this controversial. Is this weird

#one piece #edward weevil #feeling compelled to throw this post into the void #I feel crazy but surely someone else sees the vision #dont think about this too hard and make it weirder than it needs to be

[mostspecialgirl]

here’s another shitty roblox game doodle of kid that looked terrible on the Big Canvas

Genuinely had the worst time of my life trying to draw tjat shitty gear with my massive pointer finger smudging against the tiny pixel canvas on my screen. If you saw the look on my face when i saw the big display canvas made this shit look Ugly Super Saturated Pink i was losing my mind

#bloxyblox #mostspecialgirldoodletag #one piece #eustass kid #roblox

[mostspecialgirl]

definitely cant tweet this so its going here. i’ve been seeing a lot of tweets where guys have these really shitty takes and people respond “aren’t you that horrible pedophile guy” and its true and every time im like “huh my ex friend had all those same takes. Probably a coincidence” until i remember i cut them off for dating a minor and then im like Ohhhh Yeahhhh thats right its because they ARE like that

#leastspecialgirl #and this has happened more than once

[mostspecialgirl]

was just thinking about changing the initial focus of devil’s manner from a cafe to an inn but if i do that then the series becomes hazbin hotel

god fucking damn it vivziepop unrelease your series i was here first. (pausing) well. maybe not. But the time difference is only a year or two so do it anyway so i can make a mediocre series in a few more years that will have 0 cultural impact and get 0 attention that really only shares the similarity of being about sinner’s redemption through business with another bigger overarching plot

Maybe i just have to completely change the plot. Which ive already started doing

#leastspecialgirl

[mostspecialgirl]

just made 50 robux drawing the worst abigail of my life so fuck yeah i guess

#bloxyblox #fate grand order #abigail williams #roblox #i hate drawing in this game idk how the ppl in my server made those masterpieces

[mostspecialgirl]

i surprisingly managed to pull both super bunyan and saber lily out of nowhere today so i doodled this

i managed to get super bunyan on my first 10 pull so i guess i have enough quartz to try and get castoria if that banner’s going to come next. i got saber lily while trying to get a second mary anning and apparently she’s like??? a rare fp gacha character??? i always just thought she was in the standard banner but i guess not.

(i’d much rather have my son angra mainyu, though)

even though i have the quartz for castoria, i can’t help but feel my immaterial Luck Meter may have run out. hopefully i can recoup what was lost in time, or this is going to be a repeat of the thousand million quartz i lost trying to get oberon or one of the fairy knights

#mostspecialgirldoodletag #fgo #fate grand order