#I’m so fucking annoyed with myself but also?!?! it’s a good fucking chapter

[historiaxvanserra]

Do you ever write something that was only supposed to add some extra background to a story and it ends up changing your entire fucking perspective on the whole fucking story?!?!

#I’ve just had a fuckig epifany but it also comes with the caveat that I have to change a story I’ve already written TWICE #but honestly when you read the chapter you’ll make see how much it changes everything #the characters #the motivations #the FUCKING plot #why do I do this to myself? #I’m so fucking annoyed with myself but also?!?! it’s a good fucking chapter

[starbuck]

if anyone was wondering, i’m currently reading published RPF about F. Scott Fitzgerald for *checks notes* my job, so that’s how my life is going.

#i’m not getting PAID to do it unfortunately #but i am getting an absolutely insane emotional experience #and i’m only three chapters in so i’m sure there’s plenty more excitement to come! #the author CANNOT write dialogue for shit… he cannot emulate how real people speak and puts exposition dumps IN the dialogue #and his descriptions are clunky and could have used some more polishing #he’s not great at showing instead of telling #or like. he IS - but he’ll show and then IMMEDIATELY tell #which is just SO disrespectful to the audience imo #and/or the sign of a lack of confidence in the writer #so bad either way #and literally the reason i was annoyed about that one movie earlier #so like. 🤷🤷 #at least the movie had better dialogue #but i think that’s mainly because [redacted] just says whatever the fuck he wants #i know this because i do programs the same way - i can spot a fellow vibes-based speaker easily #it’s good but also MASSIVELY distracting because it reminds me of myself so i get self-conscious 😂😂

[gold-dustwomxn]

mystified

summary: after sudden attacks on women around town, you take a self defense class. ellie, your long standing crush is the instructor

fair warning, future chapters will include discussions of abuse and other heavy topics. each part will contain its own warnings please read them! eventual smut

part 1 part 2 part 3 part 4

cw: small interaction with a scary man, smoking weed

fluff fluff and more fluff, a little angst. protective ellie makes an appearance

inhale, exhale. grunts and bodies slamming against gym mats could be heard outside the big double doors of ‘miller’s defense studio.’ news of women being attacked at night had been circulating quite loudly in your sleepy town. dad says you should attend the free session, be able to defend yourself if anything happens. only problem was half the town was in here and you fucking hated being around large groups of people. you had your pepper spray keychain on you at all times, did you really need to learn how to fight? yeah, probably.

one of the many annoying things about being in such a small town is knowing everyone. at least your best friend dina and her boyfriend jesse were here to soften the blow of all of this chaos.

sat on the sidelines, you observe everyone attempting to show off sloppy, embarrassing ‘defense’ moves. jesse spots you and obnoxiously yells your name across the gym. rolling your eyes, you make your way over to him and dina.

“hey, ___ you’re late and you’re not gonna like what I have to tell you,” he smiles nervously. darting your eyes from him to dina, you eye them warily, regretting coming here even more now. “well? spit it out jesse.”

“jesus ok. well since you’re so late, there’s no one else for you to pair up with-“ you cut him off, “oh? that’s fine I’ll just watch then.” him and dina look at each other before she looks at you cautiously. “well, the only other person who doesn’t have a partner is the instructor for today.” you squint your eyes towards the front of the room trying to make out who it is, and oh fuck no, it’s ellie. the girl you’ve had a crush on for quite some time.

“ha, no fucking way. you guys can just teach me later. I am not making a fool of myself in front of her and the whole fucking town. you know I hate being the center of attention and she’s gonna demonstrate on me to teach everyone!” you turn your body attempting to walk away.

dina grabs your forearms softly trying to chill you out with her witchy, calming demeanor. because seriously how is she able to do that with just her touch? “you’re gonna be fine, ___. just breathe. no one else knows what they’re doing either, that’s why we’re here. you’re not gonna look like a fool,” she nods at you slowly, “plus, jesse already told her you’d be her partner.” she gives you an apologetic smile.

“ugh. why can’t you be her partner jesse? she’s your best friend.” dina grabs jesse’s arm and nuzzles into his side with a gross, love drunk smile. “because, I wanna be with my man. sorry, babe but you can do this. you can shamelessly use this as an excuse to be close to her anyway” she wiggles her eyebrows.

“oh my god,” you scoff and roll your eyes, “you guys seriously suck.”

an ear piercing whistle startles you, nearly making you jump out of your skin, and the room goes quiet. “good morning everyone, I’m ellie. welcome to miller’s defense studio. today, I’m going to be teaching you guys basic self defense techniques. learning self defense is more than how to prevent an attacker from overpowering you, but also about keeping a clear and calm head in the face of danger and how to gain the upper hand..”

her introduction speech fades from your ears as you observe her confident demeanor. dressed only in a simple white wife-beater tank and sweatpants, she still stands tall with a commanding presence. her hair sits in a low bun at the back of her neck, tattoo on full display while her toned arms move animatedly as she speaks.

you blink a few times snapping out of it as dina taps your shoulder and looks at you. “what?” she nods her head at ellie who is looking at you, waiting for you to join her at the front. your eyes widen briefly, “oh fuck.” you mutter under your breath.

you quickly walk up to her in embarrassment and she smirks at you as if she knows something that you don’t. she puts her hand on your hip and leans to turn on the bluetooth speaker behind you. “hey ___” she whispers in your ear. goosebumps travel down your body. fuck, this is gonna be a long day.

after some basic blocking and hitting techniques, ellie decides to teach everyone how to throw an attacker over your shoulder. many cry of “what if they’re taller or heavier?” blah blah, doesn’t matter. next thing you know, ellie turns and steps away from you, grabs your arm, squatting and lifts your hips against her ass before pulling your arm forward, rolling you off her hips onto the floor, wind knocked out of you, hand now around your throat. you lay there stunned, out of breath as ellie’s face hovers close to yours. you take a small glance at her lips before looking up into her eyes and she smirks, also out of breath. fuck, you were caught.

with everyone now practicing the technique, she grabs your hand and pulls you up. “you okay? didn’t go too rough on you?” she places her hands on her hips and looks you up and down so quickly that you could’ve easily missed it if you weren’t paying close attention.

you laugh “no, no, I’m fine. that was pretty crazy. when did you learn how to do all of this shit? I mean, I knew joel had this place obviously but I didn’t know you were involved in it.”

“hm.. well, when joel adopted me I had some.. anger issues, getting into fights all the time. he eventually gave up on trying to ‘change my ways’ and decided to train me how to fight properly so I wouldn’t hurt myself.. tricked me into taking out my aggression elsewhere, so I guess he ended up changing me anyway..” she chuckles “but, yeah I don’t teach or join in on the classes, I do it on my own time. joel’s been booked up so he convinced me to do this for him.” she scratches the back of her neck sheepishly and blushes. you wonder if it’s because she told you something personal or it’s because it’s her first time teaching.

“well.. I wouldn’t have guessed this was your first time. you really know how to command a room. you’re a natural,” you smile at her shyly. “dunno know if I really feel prepared to come up against an attacker though, maybe you could teach me some more.” you mentally pat yourself on the back for your brave attempt at flirting.

she laughs, “oh yeah?” moving closer to you. you look at her briefly before looking away. “mhm!” is what you come up with. jesus christ. she laughs again and nods. “alright, I guess I can make an exception for you and give you some free lessons. I’m gonna go do the closing speech or whatever the fuck joel wanted me to do..” she looks somewhere behind you and her eyes widen. you follow her line of sight and see dina and jesse look away abruptly. okay, suspicious.

as everyone is packing up their belongings, you make your way over to jesse and dina. dina smirks at you, “so?”

“so what..?” you furrow your brows. “how’d it go up there?” before you can respond, ellie comes over and greets you guys. “ellie! ___ and jesse are coming over tonight, you wanna come smoke and chill?” she looks at you as she answers “yeah, sure” she shrugs and then looks over at dina and jesse, “just text me and let me know.”

as you walk to dina’s house, the cold bitter air of winter sends a chill down your spine. all of a sudden you hear a car pulling up next to you and a window rolling down. the sound of a man’s voice has your adrenaline pumping. walking away quickly, you put your phone to your ear and pretend that you’re talking to someone “hey! you think you can help me with some directions? my phone is dead and I’m lost.” your heart is racing and you click off the safety on your pepper spray. another car comes to a screeching halt behind you. a slam of a car door and quick footsteps has you looking back in fear.

ellie comes into your line of sight and puts you behind her, looking at the man with a challenging gaze “is there a fucking problem here?” you hear a flicking sound and look down, eyes widening when you see a switchblade in her hand. he skids off and she manages to take a picture of his plates, putting the switchblade in her back pocket before turning to you. she gently grabs your shoulders and looks at you in concern. “you okay? what happened?” she looks down at your hands and you hadn’t realized until now that you’re shaking. “c’mon.” she grabs your hand and leads you to her car, opening the passenger door for you.

“why are you walking around by yourself? jesus, ___ you could’ve been..” she looks away from you, cutting herself off and shakes her head, clenching her jaw. “I would’ve picked you up.” she starts the car, and pulls away from the curb.

“I know! fuck. dina lives so close I thought- yeah it wasn’t smart knowing what’s been happening.” she turns her head to look at you briefly, her gaze softening. “just text me or something next time okay? I don’t want you walking around by yourself, I’ll pick you up.” you nod and take a deep breath. “thanks for the save,” you laugh, trying to soften the mood. she, however does not laugh which makes you even more nervous. great, you think, I pissed her off. she glances at you, noticing your nervous fidgeting. she briefly squeezes your hand “it’s okay, I’m just glad you’re safe” she gives you a small smile. you feel butterflies in your stomach. the rollercoaster of emotions from fear to anxiety and now to the feelings ellie is giving you are a lot.

“I’m gonna stop back home to show joel the pics of the plates and tell him what happened so he can take it to the authorities or whatever. I don’t really wanna be the one talking to the cops. you want me to drop you off at dina’s first?” she glances at you. “no, it’s cool I’ll come with you.”

ellie’s house can be described as old and rustic. outdated wood paneling lining the walls, decor and photos that give it a country feel, the cozy smell and crackling sound of the lit fireplace flooding your senses.

joel greets you warmly. small town means he’s seen you grow up, being friendly with your parents. his demeanor is rough around the edges with a don’t fuck with me attitude, but also very polite and caring. you now realize how similar ellie is to him.

as ellie explains the fucked up situation which occurred minutes ago, your phone vibrates in your pocket.

dina🤍: dont kill me pls but I have to cancel tonight. my mom found out im failing stats and she’s on the fuckin warpath. ill make it up to u promise xx

me: fuccck i’m at ellies rn she saved me from some shit i’ll tell u ab it later but now i’m nervous help🥲 sorry ab ur mom i’ll pray for ur soul

you lock your phone and put it back in your pocket. the internal panic of now having to be alone with ellie settles deep in your gut.

ellie walks over to you “alright, joel said he’s gonna deal with it. you all set to go?”

“did dina text you? check your phone.”

you watch ellie’s eyes glide across her screen and it gives you a moment to ogle over how fucking attractive she is. her long lashes, sharp jawline and freckles more pronounced due to the soft glow from her phone emitting against the low lighting of the room. she looks up at you with wide eyes and raised eyebrows. “uhh fuck, well, do you want me to take you home?.. or we can hang out here if you want.” she looks away from you.

“yeah, I’m down to hang” you smile at her. she gives a small smile back and blushes. alright, maybe she feels the same way I do. “okay cool, you wanna smoke and watch a movie?”

smoke hazes around ellie’s dim lit room and the movie in the background is long forgotten. you’re laughing so fucking hard with tears in your eyes, and you don’t know if it’s because you’re so high or if ellie is really that funny. “you really decked your foster sibling in the face because he borrowed your savage starlight comic ellie?” she scoffs and throws a pillow at you. “he did not borrow it.. he stole that shit and thought he could get away with it. can’t let people fuck around with you like that in the system. makes you an easy target” she takes another drag of the joint.

“uh-huh,” you grab the joint and take a hit “well, clearly these kids learned not to fuck with the big, bad aggressive ellie huh?” she laughs and rolls her eyes “oh my god, shut up, ___.”

ellie thinks about how she likes that you’re not taking pity on her for her fucked up childhood, and how it’s so easy to talk to you. it feels natural opening up to you, not being able to do that with other people, not even jesse. it makes her like you even more.

you groan as you try to peel your heavy, post high eyes open feeling warmth around you, inhaling a scent filled with clean laundry and a hint of woodsy cologne. you open your eyes and see a sleeping ellie, mouth slightly parted, breathing slowly. your eyes widen, realizing your head is on her chest and her arm is wrapped around you. you glance over at her clock that reads 3:54am. fuck, you don’t even remember falling asleep. you move slightly trying not to wake ellie to text your mom saying that you fell asleep at dina’s. ellie stirs and groans, pulling you closer to her. fuck it. you don’t know if this will ever happen again. you close your eyes and drift back to sleep.

#ellie williams #emmysfics #ellie williams x reader #ellie tlou #ellie tlou2 #ellie the last of us #ellie williams the last of us #ellie williams tlou #ellie x reader #ellie williams fanfic #tlou ellie #ellie williams fanfiction #ellie williams fic #ellie williams fluff #ellie williams x f!reader #ellie williams x female reader

[slayfics]

Explosive Tendencies a slow burn fanfic about the readers developing relationship with Katsuki Bakugo.

Chapter four: You study with Katsuki.

Chapter links

With the completion of the internships, the end-of-term tests were coming up. You sat at your desk studying but couldn't help but wonder how your classmates were doing.

Everyone had gone into a frenzy in class about meeting up to study and being prepared. Multiple students had planned to go over to Momo's since she was at the top of the class. But since you weren't explicitly invited, you didn't want to show up. You still hadn't really connected too much with your other classmates.

You also overheard Eijiro and Katsuki make plans to study at a diner today. Fuck it I'll show up there, you thought. Katsuki did kind of owe you for fixing his hair anyway. Worst case if they seemed super irritated by it you could play it off as if you were just going to that diner regardless. That seemed a lot easier than randomly showing up at Momo's house considering you hadn't even spoken to her much yet.

You made your way over to the diner and almost as soon as you entered you were greeted with an overly enthusiastic "Hey!" that made you jump.

Eijiro had spotted you right away and waved at you to come over. Katsuki turned around with his usual annoyed expression to see who Eijiro had so openly invited to their table.

"Oh it's you," Katsuki mumbled.

"Hey, how's the studying going?" You asked, making your way over to their table.

"Uh, not so good," Eijiro laughed. "Bakugo's trying his best but I think I'm hopeless. Sit down and join us!" He said, smiling at you.

You reluctantly sat down next to Eijiro feeling a bit anxious. Aside from the times Katuski had snuck into your room, this was the first time you had spent outside of the classroom with any of your classmates.

"I'm kind of surprised you're not at Yaoyorozu's with everyone else," Eijiro stated.

"I wasn't really invited, and I didn't want to just invite myself like everyone else," You replied.

"You had no problem inviting yourself here," Katsuki said, looking up at you from his book.

You felt frozen, guess you didn't pull off pretending to just accidentally come to the same diner.

"Ah don't be so mean Bakugo, maybe they can help me. I know you are at your wits end with me," Eijiro said, laughing.

"Yeah whatever," Katsuki grumbled.

"Now that I think about it, I guess I really haven't seen you hang out with the others much," Eijiro stated curiously.

You're face flushed at his words, was it really that obvious that you hadn't befriended anyone in your class? "I uh.. well..." You stuttered trying to figure out how to answer him.

"Hey dumb ass, are you going to chat their ear off all day or are we going to study?" Katsuki barked at him.

"Right! Let's get back to it then," Eijiro said, focusing back on his book.

The three of you studied for almost the whole day. It surprised you to see how intelligent Katsuki was, his delivery was always harsh though. He'd get frustrated easily when Eijiro couldn't pick up on something right away, but you were able to explain in a calmer manner and that seemed to help.

Although, it did still take Eijiro an extended amount of time to fully understand concepts. With the sun going down you three decided it was time to finish up.

"Wow, ok I feel prepared for the written test now! I'm just worried about the test exercises," Eijiro said.

"It'll be fine shitty hair, you worry too much. You'll both do fine, and I’ll finally be able to show everyone how worthless that nerd Deku is and how much better I am than that Icyhot bastard," Katsuki replied.

You sighed, “Bakugo I already told you- I’m pretty sure everyone knows you would have beat Todoroki regardless of him using both sides or not.”

“Hm?” Eijiro looked at you both curiously. “Told him before? You two have hung out before?” He asked.

Your face flushed at Eijiro’s correct assumption and you weren’t sure how to respond. It seemed a little suspicious to say the truth- that Katsuki had snuck into your room three times now.

“Don’t be so nosy dumb ass,” Katsuki grumbled at him.

“Oh right-! Sorry! Anyway… Maybe the test exercise will be a team exercise and we'll get paired together or something! After today I'd say the three of us make a good team," Eijiro said smiling.

You smiled back at him unsure of how to respond to so much positivity. Katsuki just rolled his eyes at Eijrio.

It was striking how night and day it was between Eijiro's cheery demeanor and Katsuki's quick temper.

Tags: @unofficialmuilover @anon-mouse223

#anime x reader #katsuki fanfic #katsuki x reader #katsuki fluff #bnha katsuki #katsuki bakugo #katsuki bakugo x reader #bakugou katsuki #bnha bakugo katsuki #katsuki bakugo mha #katsuki x you #katsuki x y/n #bakugo x reader #mha bakugou #bakugou x reader #bakugo katuski #bnha bakugou #mha bakugo x reader #bakugo x you #bakugo x y/n #great explosion murder god dynamight #explosive tendencies #bnha kacchan #bnha fanfiction #bnha x reader #mha x reader #mha x y/n #bnha x y/n #bnha x you #mha x you

[sovksluv]

GTYU2K - static chapter 1

✰ . pairing - ex!Luke Castellan x italian!fem!singer!reader smau

✰ . summary - dating an ex-frat boy was definitely not the best idea, but now that you’re only a girl he used to know, you’re making tons of money off him and his lying, cheating ass, iykwim 😉

✰ . includes - badassness, italian singer but no specified race, cussing probably, sad luke because he regrets what he did

✰ . series taglist - @sluttysammyy

✰ . pjo taglist - @perseus-jackass @niktwazny303 @st4rzl7

✰ . now playing - GTYU2K by Alexis Munroe

✰ . a/n - im not really sure how artists like talk about their new albums and stuff so taylor swift is my inspo!! also PLEASE if you haven’t, GO LISTEN TO Alexis Munroe (aka princessbri) ALSO!!! pictures do NOT depict the reader!!

✰ . series masterlist

y/ny/ln u make me sick

view all comments

larueclarisse FUUUUCK HIM !!! U DONT NEED HIM 🫶🏽❤️‍🔥

ׂ╰┈➤ y/ny/ln ridding myself of allllll the bullshit

ׂ╰┈➤ user09 ATE

missbeauregard soooo excited !!! and so proud of you lovie 💕💕

ׂ╰┈➤ y/ny/ln ilyyyy mwah mwah 💋💋

seaweedbrainbaddie um where’s my photo creds 🤨🤨🤨🤞🤞

ׂ╰┈➤ y/ny/ln no

ׂ╰┈➤ seaweedbrainbaddie yes

ׂ╰┈➤ y/ny/ln no

ׂ╰┈➤ seaweedbrainbaddie YES

ׂ╰┈➤ y/ny/ln FINE. 📸 creds to @seaweedbrainbaddie (stupid name btw)

ׂ╰┈➤ seaweedbrainbaddie thank you and FUCK YOU

ׂ╰┈➤ annab3th LANGUAGE.

view more

pipesqueak drop the album alreadyyy!! i’m dying waiting 😫

ׂ╰┈➤ y/ny/ln coming soon i promise ml 💋

ׂ╰┈➤ pipesqueak not soon enough :(

iamchris_h can’t let bro know i fw this 😣

ׂ╰┈➤ larueclarisse don’t even know why ur friends w such a loser

ׂ╰┈➤ iamchris_h we all make mistakes guys

ׂ╰┈➤ larueclarisse his dad definitely did 🥱

ׂ╰┈➤ missbeauregard CLARISSE.

hater77 she’s just obsessed with her ex like if it’s so bad why make a whole album about him LMFAO

ׂ╰┈➤ user54 ur just mad she’s making money and u aren’t 🤣

larueclarisse GIRLS NIGHT ‼️🥂❤️‍🔥 tagged: @y/ny/ln @missbeauregard @pipesqueak

view all comments

pipesqueak i had so much fun !!! 💕💕

ׂ╰┈➤ larueclarisse WE ALL NEED TO GO OUT TOGETHER AGAIN?!?&:8

ׂ╰┈➤ pipesqueak YES !

y/ny/ln holy shit i’m so hung over but at least i look good 🤷‍♀️

ׂ╰┈➤ larueclarisse only Y/n Y/ln can get full on shitfaced and still look good 😫❤️‍🔥

seaweedbrainbaddie omg guys why wasn’t i invited :(((( 💔😖

ׂ╰┈➤ y/ny/ln you’re a boy. it was girls night.

ׂ╰┈➤ larueclarisse you’re like 8??

ׂ╰┈➤ missbeauregard you would probably just complain the whole time

ׂ╰┈➤ pipesqueak you can’t even drink

ׂ╰┈➤ annab3th you’re annoying.

ׂ╰┈➤ seaweedbrainbaddie babe you weren’t even there ??

view more

itslukecastellan she looks so pretty

ׂ╰┈➤ larueclarisse boy gtfo

ׂ╰┈➤ iamchris_h Luke i can’t even defend you anymore 🤦🏽

y/ny/ln just posted a new story

view reply from larueclarisse:

larueclarisse YESSSSS IM SO EXCITED 🫶🏽🫶🏽🫶🏽🫶🏽🫶🏽

y/ny/ln my biggest supporter 💕

view reply from missbeauregard:

missbeauregard DISSIN HIM AND MAKING MONEY!!! IM SO PROUD OF YOUUUU

y/ny/ln thank you babyyyyyy <3333

view reply from cast311anbackup:

cast311anbackup i miss you

y/ny/ln leave me aloneeeee how many mf times do i have to block you.

y/ny/ln i’m not the girl that u used 2 know🤷‍♀️

comments turned off

© sovksluv 2024, please do not repost or translate my work!

#𖤐 . rue talks #𖤐 . rue’s world #pjo series #pjo show #percy jackon and the olympians #percy jackson #pjo fandom #pjo spoilers #pjo tv show #pjo disney+ #static #alexis munroe #alexis munroe static #luke castellan #luke castellan x reader #luke castellan fluff #luke castellan au #luke castellan imagine #luke castellan story #charlie bushnell imagine #charlie bushnell x reader #charlie bushnell #charlie bushnell story #static alexis munroe #princessbri #princessbri static #alexis munroe static story #book luke castellan #luke castellan smut #luke castellan pjo

[dilutedconfusion]

A Moth to a Flame

Eustass Kid x F!Reader (Part 4)

HEYYYY YA’LLL i did it. I wrote the next chapter. This one is even bigger than the last and cost me at least half of my brain cells to write. I messed around with it a bunch to try and get the feeling right so hopefully it worked out in my favor (I’m not entirely sure it did but I’ve re-read it too many times so WAHHH) ALSO strap in cause there’s a bit of angst in the form of an argument in this one. As always I wish all my beautiful astounding readers a lovely day/night. Stay safe and stay rotted 💞

Summary: You just took a complete nose dive into the ocean only for Kid to watch from a distance. But the first part of this chapter leads up to the events of that happening. I need to explain just how Kid ended up on that shoreline in the first place and then we’ll see if you live or die <3

Warnings: Blood, Drowning, Vomiting

Word Count: 8.8k

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5

Tags: @st4rfevrr @archangelshavethetardis @likeeliterallywtf @tremendoushorsepatrolgoth @tulipps-maehem @ferretsqueen @thesnailus @shamblespirate @gabi-moureira

“Fuck this is good.” Kid mumbled out, mouth full of chicken as he spoke. Little blobs of spit were flying out of his mouth but Killer was used to the barrage. “That little waitress lady sure annoyed the shit out of me but at least this place has good food.”

Killer just nodded in agreement though he hadn’t taken a bite of the chicken. Not willing to remove his mask even if the back of the bar was empty.

It was late at night by now, the faint light through the windows barely masking the dark void-like sheen as the rain sprinkled down. Leaving nothing but sparkling drops of water to watch roll down the glass.

Though instead of watching that Killer watched Kid down a whole bottle of rum. Taking shot-like gulps out of his glass and using chicken as a chaser for about 10 minutes.

When Kid had walked back with the food he could sense something had happened. It was easy to spot when he noticed the slight shade of red washed over the apples of his cheeks. It was permanent at this point. But Killer couldn’t tell if it was from the alcohol or something else.

“You took a while to grab the food ya know. You didn’t get held up did you?” Killer asked quietly, leaning back on the booth and propping his arm up comfortably.

Kid looked up at Killer from his plate, eyes glancing over his friend's mask for just a moment before gliding back downwards. “Nah, the waitress just took her sweet time. I didn’t trust her to remember to bring the food back so I waited to do it myself.”

“So you just waited up there patiently? That’s not like you. Thought you would’ve started up one fight. Ease up a little.” Killer remarked, a quizzical glance thrown at Kid behind the space of his mask.

Kid’s mouth was occupied by the rim of his glass when his body hesitated. His eyes bore into his companion for only a moment before he swallowed loudly and set the cup down. “I wish,” was all he whispered out, which made Killer a bit more worried.

“Well, I did hear you talking to someone. Was the waitress giving you shit?” Killer leaned forward, eyeing Kid. His tone is neutral and calm as always. Trying not to fan the emotional storm that Kid could so often be.

Kid’s sharp amber eyes stared distantly at the rest of the room before he took another sip of rum and spoke. The half-melted ice cubes quietly clinking against the glass. “It…doesn’t matter. I was talking to that girl. Ya know, the one that was stalking us at the docks. She was sitting at the bar. She followed us here clearly.”

Killers eyes widened at that. Remembering the mental image of you standing there awkwardly at the dock when they first arrived. It was a bit of a shock at first but Killer just assumed you were nosy. Or at least he hoped that’s all it was was though it was starting to sound like his hopes were wrong.

“She followed us here? Are you sure she isn’t working for someone 'cause that’s suspicious as fuck Kid.” Killer leaned forward, his voice a tad bit more concerned considering they couldn’t take on another problem.

We need a break. Kid needs a break. This could be bad.

“No, it wasn’t like that. She talked to me normally. Complained about me killing people and like half-assed threatened me if I decided to pillage this town or whatever. Nothing super serious.” Kid had a certain brashness in the way he said that as if he was trying to prove that what he was saying was true. The harshness of his voice rasped out despite himself.

Killer eyed Kid, searching for something more caught on his tongue. He knew something was up, he just needed to get Kid to say it out loud. “Is that all?” He asked, placing his elbows on the table in front of him in a serious manner.

Kid tried piercing through Killer to try and break down what he was getting at. It was almost too embarrassing to even mention what happened, even to the person he trusted most. Yet with a weak little sigh he decided to give it up. “I don’t know. She like…said some stuff. Brought up my injuries like she had any right to talk about them but then she….”

Kid trailed off, scratching at the slight stubble on his chin he had meant to shave before finally responding quite gruffly. “She gave me this look. It wasn’t some useless pity or sympathy or anything like that. It felt very genuine I guess. Like she understood me.”

Killers eyes immediately widened, shocked by the fact that a mere stranger had gotten to Kid in any way, shape, or form. That barely happened. Not in all the years he knew Kid did he ever see the man connect with someone right away, even just by understanding their feelings. Kid was quite adamant that he didn’t have time for shit like that.

Staying quiet for only a moment Killer finally responded, his voice a bit more hushed. “So she…looked at you and you stopped dead in your tracks from ripping her head off?”

Kids' eyes narrowed in what Killer perceived as shame. Shame for himself and maybe even a bit of embarrassment. “Well, she deserved to get her head torn off. She kept talking shit about me the whole time. I was breathing so deeply to control myself I was nearly whistling out of my nose. White knuckled through it like a pussy.” Kid stroked a hand through his hair, tossing it a bit as his right leg started bouncing uncontrollably under the table.

Killer took note of his body language, the ground vibrating softly, and the way Kid clammed up at even mentioning what happened.

She did get to him.

Killer didn’t know what to say. Not wanting to assume anything nor agree with the fact that Kid did indeed let her off easy. Which was like his number one rule. No mercy above all else.

“It’s fine. She ain’t worth it anyway. I’d bet it would be like squashing a grape killing someone like her.” Killer conscientiously replied. Trying to smooth Kid over the best he could.

It’s strange seeing Kid like this. It almost feels…uncanny.

Kid's lips just tugged down into a frown, his brow a tight line of knots. “Well, you didn’t hear what she was saying to me. I would rip out anyone’s esophagus before that shit even left their tongue.”

Kids hand clenched tightly around his glass. Killer glanced between Kid and the glass expecting it to shatter though it didn’t. Just like Kid the glass was on the edge of caving in. The kind of glass that would cut and scar Kid’s hand if he just applied a bit more pressure. A reflection of self cast upon the transparent cup. Kid didn’t want his feelings to spill but if he kept this up, something was bound to snap. Turning both the cup and Kid into nothing but sharp shards only capable of harming himself and others.

“I know you would’ve but you didn’t. You were holding yourself back.” Killer spoke as plainly as he could. Getting to the root of the issue despite not entirely caring about Kids desire to harm you. In any other case he would’ve been more gung-ho about enacting revenge. But to Killer right now wasn’t the right time and it felt like no matter what he said, Kid would choose to be upset.

His injuries must be hurting him badly for him to back off like that. Or maybe…that girl wasn’t the kind of person to kill?

“Well I held myself back and now I’m regretting it.” Kid mumbled, shoving the last leg of a chicken in between his teeth and smacking his lips as he chewed.

“Well, it happened and you can’t change it. If you see her later and want her dead, I’m all for helping out. But for now let's stop thinking about it and get the fuck out of here.”

Kid let out a little grunt of agreement and tore the rest of the chicken off the bone in one bite. Placing the bone down on the plate, he slid it towards the middle of the table. Wiping the grease around his lips with the back of his hand he then pulled a bag of berries and placed them on the table.

So with a rough jangle of a few metal coins and some grunts later they both stood up. However, Kid’s body swayed a whole lot more than Killer's from the alcohol.

“You good? Ain’t gonna pass out on me right?” Killer asked, adjusting his jeans a bit as he spoke.

“Yep. Now get a move on.” Kid spat back short and sweet. Yet it wasn’t entirely alcohol making him sway. Surprisingly he could still feel his stump throbbing just as much as he had when sober.

What a waste of booze if I ain’t going numb. Gonna have to change these goddamn bandages too. Kid gripped his stump for a moment as he walked behind Killer. Feeling how tender his flesh was with delicate strokes. But when he breached the front portion of the bar he stopped. Trying not to pay attention to how the waitress stared at the both of them while they walked out.

The brisk chill in the air hit Kid’s sharp nose first. Traveling along the warm apexes of his cheeks and flowing softly against the center of his chest. His back stayed warm whilst the rest of him became enraptured with the descending cold.

“Good. The rain let up a bit.” Killer mumbled, stepping out in the open air and waiting for Kid to make it past the door as he held it open. There were no lights on the street except for a littering of lanterns around each building. So they walked together in half darkness. The soft clicking of their heels paired with some talkative birds finding shelter in the rain. Other than that it felt as if the whole world was silent.

“Bet the rest of the crew is back on board already,” Killer explained softly, breaking the silence between them for the second time tonight.

Kid barely glanced at Killer beside him. Grunting less in agreement and more just to mildly acknowledge what his pair had said. Because in all honesty Kid didn’t need to be told that. Heat and Wire, who usually joined the two of them on their bar trips, had been absent.

Killer had told him it was because they had other shit to do. Something involved with making sure this town had the right supplies for their restock. But Kid knew they were absent because they were hesitant to be around him right now.

So maybe they were just doing their jobs as they were told but he doubted they would be happy if he decided to give them the day off.

They probably wanted to head to the only bar in town but I was there.

Shit, they probably hit the sack early just so they didn’t have to deal with me.

Kid could feel a vein in his forehead throbbing softly. Twitching his skin and only pissing him off even more.

Maybe if I stopped yelling at them they wouldn’t back off from me.

Kid hadn’t been in the best of moods since he came face to face with Benn Beckman and a part of him had taken that anger and frustration out on his crew. He knew it was wrong, yes. But that’s why he needed to be alone for a while. This all-consuming lunging in the gut is only proof of that.

But as the two walked the cold started to relieve the pain running across Kid's body. Soaking into his thick scars and past his bandages to numb the horrendous ache he was feeling. It made his body feel a bit lighter. More manageable. For even the short amount of time that it took to walk closer and closer to the Victoria.

When the two of them reached the edge of the docks Kid started slowing down. Making Killer stop in his tracks to turn around to look back at him.

But before Killer could even speak, Kid's voice reached him. “I think…I think I’m gonna take a walk.” His voice was quiet, his eyes gliding down the shoreline of the bay off to his right. A shadow of a man standing on two rickety feet. Like a strange caricature of himself he stood.

Killer paused, willing himself to try and think of something remotely useful. His Captain, his best friend, was about to have a drunken walk at night in the rain. He could already imagine him stumbling around in the dark. Too mad to cry but too tired to punch anything till he felt better. It made Killer's fist clutch at his sides as he swiftly turned around to fully face his Captain. A deep well of emotions was getting stirred in his chest.

And yet he’s still refusing to admit anything is wrong?

With a slightly aggravated tone, Killer finally spoke, “This isn’t…because of what happened is it? You told me you were fine. You made it very clear by screaming it at me but…I’m not about to let you go sulk by yourself.” Killer took a step closer and straightened out his spine. Trying to prove just how serious he was about this.

Kid's attention snapped back to Killers the moment those words left his tongue. Glowering at him like he was trying to control him. Trying to defy his pride.

“Well, I was being serious. I’m fine and I don’t need permission from anybody to take a walk.” With that Kid started walking away, going down the edge of the docks in a stomping fashion.

“You shouldn’t be out walking in the rain. If your bandages get soaked through it could fuck up your wounds Kid.” Killer called, taking another step towards his Captain but not following him just yet.

Kid just kept on walking regardless of whatever Killer said. His coat billowed on his shoulders with each step. Like a red flag waving in the breeze and daring Killer to chase after him. But something snapped in Kids voice. Suddenly raising in volume and dripping with venom. “I fucking know that and I don’t care! So back off!”

Killer inhaled deeply through his nose. Holding his fists back from wanting to knock Kid out and just drag him back to the ship. He started briskly walking after Kid, not caring if he didn’t want him to follow or not.

“Then let me come with you. There’s a goddamn noble town up north crawling with marines. You can’t be walking around drunk if shit goes down.” Killer's tone was still controlled but became more raspy as he spoke. The pressure upon the damn of his feelings crackling and hissing at the seems.

It wasn’t a tone Kid heard often and despite knowing the worry he was causing Killer, he chose not to focus on it. Driving headfirst into a sea of pride. He wanted to lose himself. If only for one night.

“You think I can’t protect myself? Are you calling me weak Kil? Is that what you’re fucking doing right now?” Kid’s head jerked back to glare at his companion. Pausing his demonstrative walk for a moment to leave them both at a standstill. If anyone on the Victoria nearby was listening, they could most certainly feel the piles of tension stacking up between them.

Killers body hunched inwards, running a quick hand through his hair as he absentmindedly kicked at the ground. His muscles were just urging and wishing to fight.“No-that’s not…” Killer paused, letting out a low grunt and gritting his teeth.

“Shit Kid! What if someone attacks a ship? We would need our Captain here.”

Killer knew that was a bad excuse. The moment he said he knew it sounded desperate. But he couldn’t help himself from trying to convince Kid with logic.

Emotions were out the window. They always have been and always will be when it comes to open communication between these two. Killer would rather pull out his teeth with two needles than tell Kid that he hated seeing him like this. That he couldn’t stand seeing someone so strong get broken down. The yelling and the fights were haunting his brain. All he wanted to do was tie down Kid so he could rest and mend his wounds every five seconds until he got better. But Kid hadn’t been willing to rest and he still wasn’t. Killer could barely think it made him so mad.

But of course, Kid wasn’t picking up on any of Killer's true intentions. He was seeing a splattering of pity across his face and every other person he cared about. But he hated pity. That word was all he could ever think about lately. He wanted things to go back to normal. He wanted his crew to believe in him without questioning if he could handle it or not.

So both of them came to a halt. Lost between the words desperate and pity they stood as shadows of men.

“So now you’re belittling my crew huh? Don’t you think you and everyone else can handle a couple of marines? Bullshit! I’m just going for a walk Kil not leaving your asses.” Kid knew Killer was right. Shit, he could feel it in his bones. But it wasn’t a matter of what was best for him or the crew. Kid wanted what he wanted and come hell or high-water he was going to get it.

“I know that! But I don’t like this.” Killer stepped forward, only slightly closing the gap between them. Still not willing to explain himself. Still coming up with bad excuses.

I just wish for once he would just listen to me on this. Set aside his pride. This thought was imprinted in Killer's mind like mud. Getting between the crevices of his brain and washing him wry with feeling.

But today wasn’t the day Kid was going to set aside his pride. If anything, hearing Killer's voice so needy nearly broke him apart. Sadness slinked through his ears with every word and plea. So though he loved a good fight, his voice quieted down to a mumble. Losing the hope to convince Killer to trust him otherwise.

“Whatever. Go back to the ship. I’ll be back soon.” It’s like the energy was sucked right out of him. Letting out a big huff of air and biting the inside of his mouth to keep it from screaming. He turned back around towards the shoreline and started walking once more.

Killer didn’t follow him. Mask trained on his Captain as he walked off the dock and his feet sunk into the sandy shore. It was dark so Kid nearly disappeared instantly once he was out of range from the lanterns.

Like a moth to a moon, Killer wanted to follow him. But he supposed Kid’s light was gone for now.

__________

Kid had been ambling for barely 10 minutes. The waves paired with the swirling whirlwind of his mind affected him greatly. His thoughts were loud and so was the ocean. A reflection of how he felt lost in a sea of which he shouldn’t touch. The feeling of turmoil was the best way to describe it.

Kid didn’t like sulking. In his mind, he has only experienced what he considered as true sadness just a few times.

When I was abandoned as a child.

When Victoria died.

He hadn’t thought about her in a while but he supposed it was because he always felt like she was around regardless of her death. Her spirit in his ship. Her spirit in his goals. She was one of the many reasons to keep going because if he didn’t achieve his dreams then to him it was like she died for nothing.

I can’t sit in my shit and act like it isn’t my fault.

He didn’t think losing an arm was worthy of being sad over. Which in turn just made him feel worse anytime he got frustrated about it.

It's not worth it. Feeling feelings. Look what the fuck it's doing to me. To my crew.

His eyes stared blankly out in front of him. His pace was consistent as he lost himself in thoughts. The cold was still easing his pain and the rain had died down even more. But he could feel the weight of water across his skin and clothes. Soaking in just a tad bit and leaving ghostly chills up his spine.

He swept back his damp hair as it fell over his goggles before finally looking up from the sand and out onto the sea. Without even realizing it Kid had walked quite aways. Stopping in place he noticed a jetty tucked along the shore about 50 feet ahead of him.

Squinting his eyes he traced the silhouette of the dark shadowy mass. The moon hanging high up in the sky was partly covered in clouds so no real details popped out at him. This sense of the unknown peeking his curiosity enough that he decided to take a look closer at it.

He didn’t know why he cared to look. He had been staring at the sand this whole time without even considering the view around him. But something in his gut made him curious. Forced him to look even.

It's just a stupid jetty. I’ve seen a million of these things. Why do I care?

He walked up closer to it. Standing right where the boulders and sand met he looked down at the jagged heaps of rocks.

I can’t even see jack-shit.

He let out a low groan and nearly turned away to keep walking.

Maybe I should head into the forest. Get away from the water. This thought floated in and out of his head almost instantly. Because before he could fully turn around he saw something move in his peripheral vision.

“Huh?” Left his cold lips, just his head turning to stare down the jetty in quick succession. It was then he saw it.

A break in the clouds had opened for the first time in a while. A much brighter cool milky glow landed delicately across the small chunk of land and water between Kid and the jetty. The ocean came alight, letting him see the swirls of green and blue more definitively. Like a Van Gogh painting they moved, each stroke a current churning around itself.

Without a proper warning, his heart skipped in shock. A person was standing on the jetty a good bit ahead of him. He could see the outline of their figure, back cast towards him as they stood on an outcropping of rocks on the jetty line.

What the hell? Was the first thing that came to mind. Perplexed, he stared until he noticed something equally surprising.

It's that girl.

He blinked in utter disbelief. Scowling hard he turned completely towards you. Almost rubbing his eyes out of disbelief as if you were some kind of mirage made out of sea foam and moonlight. But as he watched you grip onto the edge of rocks and walk even further down the jetty it finally hit him that you were indeed, real.

Is she trying to get herself killed?

Panic struck him nearly as hard as the waves came crashing down onto the shore. His stomach sank into his gut as he swallowed hard. Fingers twitching at his side. Letting his eyes scan the area around you searching for a reason why you might be out there.

Maybe she’s trying to reach something? Maybe someone else is out there?

These thoughts floated by and all that was left was something even more confusing. From the looks of it, there was nothing substantial down the line of the jetty. No other person or object he could see in his apparent field of vision. Yet he kept looking, watching over you and expecting you to slip with each small step you took.

He didn't know why this was his instinctive reaction. To let his body tense up at the thought of you falling in and drowning. The fact that he could easily watch somebody die and just stand here idly wasn’t something that had ever bothered him in the past. He often was jealous of those who got to enact pain onto others who deserved it. Which was a part of the reason he was so quick to violence.

Yet seeing you do something as reckless as walking on a jetty during a rough storm at night irked him.

I’m seriously not in the mood to watch this stupid bitch die in front of me.

But if Kid let himself calm down he would've remembered wanting you dead. He would’ve remembered complaining about how you treated him and how he had mistakenly given you mercy. But this feeling in his gut didn’t want him to remember.

All he could think about was you.

That fucking idiot is going to get herself killed and not even in a satisfying way.

He clenched his fist as his eyes traced the line of waves. At first, he thought he saw another line of boulders. One much smoother and taller than the first. But as the moon peaked out over that portion of water he saw it fully.

It was a wall-like wave looming closer to you from the other side of the jetty. The kind that would destroy ships and drown hundreds. It rolled in, white-tipped as it churned closer and closer.

It took him a second to realize what was about to happen. You had no idea that the jetty was about to get hit by that massive thing but he did. His eyes helplessly flickering between your form and that bastardly wave.

She’s going to get hit. There’s no way she’ll survive that.

A strange feeling emerged in Kid. One he didn’t often feel and in his personal opinion felt…itchy. Like in the back of his brain something was scraping away at his thoughts and sending warm trails down to his heart. He wanted to help you. But that realization could only be described as completely and utterly disgusting.

Am I seriously about to help her? He mulled over himself for a moment. Glancing between you and the wave. Each passing second just making him more erratically nervous as he watched that wave loom closer. Clenching his jaw and rolling his eyes at his apparent sympathy before finally caving in.

“WATCH OUT!” He yelled, his voice still so quiet compared to everything else around him.

It took you a second to hear him. His eyes glided over how your body paused upon hearing his voice but you still didn’t turn around to look at him.

I’m trying to help this bitch and she doesn’t even pay attention to me?

The sass on Kid's face became almost palpable. With a quick scoff followed by wiping the rain off his face he gave it one more useless shot.

“DON’T YOU FUCKING HEAR ME?! THERE'S A WAVE COMING!” His voice cracked a bit as he yelled. Becoming more and more frustrated that he even had to deal with any of this shit.

He wasn’t a hero. He didn’t want to run along that stupid jetty and get caught up in the wave to save some stranger.

This isn’t worth it. A dumb bitch like her deserves to die if she’s really stupid enough to try and pull whatever this is off.

But when you finally turned towards him he was struck by something.

Something that tasted like honey on his tongue and compassion in his chest.

Kid almost couldn’t believe it when he saw the halo of light surrounding you. Maybe it was the water in the air. Picking up the moonlight and reflecting it at him. But it framed your head and made your skin nearly glow. Your hair was shiny and flowing. Face round and inviting. Your soft eyes landed on him like deep hollow orbs. The kind of eyes that if he stared at them for too long would swallow him whole.

Yet of course on your lips and eyes was an expression he’d seen before. It was that same look you had given him earlier. That same look that had stopped him dead in his tracks.

But instead of annoying him everything about you drew him in. Almost unable to look away he took a meaningful step closer. Wanting to see you more despite himself. Wanting to keep that expression of yours alive because it reminded him of something.

Or moreover, of someone.

I can’t let another girl die.

I just can’t.

An image of Victoria brushed across his eyes for only a moment. A memory so supple and full of emotion it blossomed into something new.

Something that was going to keep you alive no matter what.

“TAKE FUCKING COVER YOU ASSHOLE!” Left his lips before he could even process whatever he was feeling. It made his heart beat loudly in his ears. A strange cold sweat taking hold of his body.

He pointed his arm off to the right to try and signal something was coming. But your body didn’t move. He could see the curl of your lips go downturned in confusion. The way your eyebrows knitted together softly. That image of you getting seared onto the back of his eyelids before that image inevitably disappeared.

Loud as a bomb, the wave landed against the rocks. Cascading on the jetty and swallowing your body whole. An abstract painting of water splashing against the stone. Rough paint strokes of green and blue representing the clawing current surrounding you. The wave only taking seconds before it finally bubbled down and leveled out onto the other side of the jetty.

Kid swallowed hard, a tight ball of pressure building in his throat as he looked over the spot where you once stood.

And of course, it was empty.

“FUCK! FUCK!” Kid instinctively tried to dash for the water. Forgetting for a moment that he literally couldn’t swim and throwing his coat onto the dry part of the shore. As he walked into the water a wave hit across his legs and stomach, drenching his clothes in an instant and almost knocking him off balance. He let out a little searing hiss at the cold. Urging his body to just suck it up and deal with it.

The booze, injuries, and mental despair was making this moment so much harder to process for Kid. To even realize what was happening around him. But as he tried to force himself through the first line of waves that ever dreaded feeling of complete exhaustion took hold. His muscles going soft as the curse of his powers sunk in.

“FUCKING GODDAMN IT!” He screamed as he forced himself deeper into the waters. The waves dared to suck him in as they sloshed over his chest. His feet still on the ground so he wouldn’t drown thankfully. But if he was knocked over or pulled in with the tide then it was over for both of you.

He knew that. Well aware for the most part yet that wasn’t going to stop him. He had dove in the water for his crew a few times which led them to bickering at him for ‘trying’ to save their life. And though he didn’t know you, maybe that instinct was still somehow embedded in his brain.

But his intelligence to handle the situation blew behind him with the wind. His mind now just a hollow cave of liquor and remorse. Any normal person would’ve reacted as he had.

Or at least that's what he was going to say once this was all over.

The weight of his clothes and the water sinking into his boots was making it incredibly difficult to move. He bounded backward as another wave threatened to send him under. Thrashing over his face the cold sunk deep into his skin. Drenching his hair as the salt stung his eyes and lips.

He took a deep breath of relief as the wave left, popping his head out of the water to see your head floating in the distance. Your face was only a shadow but you seemed to be trying to tread in the water. The currents pushing you closer to Kid yet another wall of waves crashed down on top of you, making you disappear once more.

“SON OF A BITCH!” Kid howled, his mouth only getting filled with water so he spat it out quickly. You were right there. Maybe 15 feet ahead of him in the water. That distance felt so insignificant he could nearly combust where he stood.

He tried to walk forward more but the water came up to his collarbone at this point, leaving him weak and defenseless as more ocean water erupted into his mouth and nose. With ragged coughs he decided to give up on chasing you into the water. Swiping his wet locks out of his eyes he bounded backwards and kept his feet on the sand below to work his way back onto the shore. The waves pushing him down so his ass hit the muddy sand hard.

“Me and my stupid devil fruit getting in the goddamn way again.” He grumbled to himself. If he wasn’t a limp bag of rocks in the water he would’ve easily swam out there to you. Scooped you up and dragged you ashore. He could almost see that version of his life playing like a VHS in his head. Though it did nothing but make him more frustrated.

His eyes never left the water even for a moment. He wanted to see you come back up for air again. He wanted to see you alive.

Though his whole body still felt deathly weak from the water he wasn’t fully submerged anymore which meant his devil fruit came back into play. Raising his arm little purple sparks of lightning started to trace his skin. Desperately trying to pull up any metal that might be submerged near you.

Maybe she could grab onto whatever is down there. I can drag her back in that way. He felt a tingly sensation ran up his humerus, a classic sign that there was indeed something hidden in the waters. A wave splashed against his legs so he dragged his ass back further onto the sand. Focusing on what little strength he had in his right arm.

What if what I pull up hits her? She hasn’t come back up for air again. I don’t know where she is.

And in truth, you didn’t know where you were either.

It was like a sensory deprivation tank under the water. Your ears felt swollen and brimming with nothing but a loud ringing and aquatic bubbles running across your skin. They tickled you as you floated and thrashed around. Eyes opening but seeing nothing but darkness in every direction.

You tried to move. Tried to swim to what you thought might be the surface one more time but something deep and gnarly was dragging you down. The sea itself clasped on your ankles like some kind of God seeking revenge. It wanted to chill you to the bone. It wanted to leak into your lungs. It wanted your flesh.

I’m going to die an idiot.

There was blood running in the water around you. Your head, side, and hands were screaming with pain yet you couldn’t remember what happened. Everything was a complete blur. It almost felt as if you were floating out in space. Barely any sound and just an endless chill numbing every inch of skin.

Did I hit something when I fell?

As your mind searched for answers you heard something else in the darkness. A clunking sound loud and scraping moved below you. Like a snake, you watched something dark slither against the ocean floor. It was deep and though you were on the precipice of blacking out you kept your eyes on it.

Great. I’m going to die an idiot and get eaten alive.

Staring distantly it slowly started to rise in the water. Caught between two currents you managed to stay near the object until eventually, you saw the definite shape of what it was. To your surprise, it wasn’t a sea king. Instead, it was a chain. Thick and crusted over with barnacles and wrapped in seaweed it rose.

It made your senses kick back in. The cold and lack of air dared to take you away but the shock kept you awake.

What in the world?

The chain rose higher and higher until it came closer to you. You kicked your feet reaching out for it. Barely making any distance towards the chain as the current sloshed you around. But eventually the tips of your fingers scraped against it. Giving you just enough hold to fully grip onto one of the chain links with weak hands.

You could feel the split-open caverns of your flesh dig into the barnacles when you grabbed on. It made you cringe hard, lungs burning and filling with water as you tried to take in an anguished breath. Round glass-like bubbles rose to the surface above. You’re once hollow lungs now brimming with seawater.

In a desperate attempt, you yanked your satchel that was still floating helplessly around your shoulders and used it to tie your hands to the chain. Wrapping the strap through the chain and feeding arms through it so it would hold.

The chain started rising higher and higher toward the surface. Your eyes blinking and fading to an even darker shade of black in your vision. You could feel the tips of your fingers down to your toes loosing their substance of life. Unable to break away from this feeling you passed out. Though the chained had finally dared to breach the briny depths, you were already gone. Your body limp and nearly lifeless as you reached the surface with a resounding splash.

Kids eyes widened when he made you out amongst the waves. He was hoping to see your face alive and well but all he saw were your hands strung to the chain he had dredged up.

“SHIT!” He yelled, clenching the taught muscles of his arm even tighter. More little sparks of lightning danced along his skin in a fury. The chain was not that heavy but the current of the ocean kept trying to pull it away from him. He finally stood up off the shore, getting a better view to see the rest of your body floating about a foot under the water.

It didn’t take long until the chain finally found its way towards him. He let it slide up on shore, your body dragging along with it. Taking a few steps into the sea he reached out and grabbed onto the strap of your satchel. His eyes were blurry and burning but he managed to undo the knot around your wrists with his one hand. After throwing the bag further onto the beach his eyes returned to you. Now that your hands had slipped free he quickly grabbed onto the soft fat of your stomach. Working his arm with a bit of difficulty around your middle to pick you up as best he could.

If I had my other fucking arm this would be a lot easier. He grumbled to himself though his complaining instantly faded as he felt your strikingly cold skin. Your hefty body should have been light work for him to carry but right now it was just plain annoying. So he hunched over and let you slump onto his forearm. Dragging you inland as your feet left lines in the sand until he finally set you down face first.

He kneeled on the ground and rolled you over on your back. Your nose and cheeks now crusted with a bit of sand along with most of your clothes. Your soft eyelashes closed against your face. He noticed the tone of your skin was a few shades lighter and slightly blue along your lips.

“Fuck.” He whispered under his breath, taking two of his fingers and placing them on your neck. He almost didn’t want to know. Almost hoping you would just wake up and be fine so he didn’t have to go through this anymore. But by the looks of the bleeding gash on your forehead and side, he supposed he couldn’t just trust faith to bring you back to life.

It took a couple of seconds but he finally felt some semblance of a heartbeat. It was slow and weak against his fingers but you were alive.

Thank god. I didn’t do this shit for nothing.

Now that he finally got you back another wave of panic struck him once more. He needed to keep you alive and considering he knew next to nothing about first aid, it was going to be a struggle.

Chewing his lips he decided your wounds could wait. They weren’t bleeding out too badly. A slow drizzle of blood across your face and into your hair. The gash on your side turning the sand below red. But you weren’t breathing which meant Kid needed to administer CPR.

Which, of course, he only had a faint inclination on how to do.

“Here the fuck we go.” He told himself, trying to hype himself up despite his fear. He placed his one hand between your breasts, feeling the center of your sternum and pressing down on it.

I’m supposed to use two hands. Hopefully, this will be enough.

He thought over his rhythm for only a moment before pressing down on you as hard as he could. Keeping his large hand flat he covered up all the space between your breasts so hopefully he would cover the right area. He spastically jerked his muscles with each compression until he felt something inside of you snap.

Shit. I broke her bone. Is that a good thing or a bad thing?

He paused looking at your face and chest. Hoping to see signs of something coming to life but nothing happened. So without another nervous thought, he kept the compressions going for a few minutes. Or maybe it was less than that, he wasn’t entirely sure.

“Can you just wake up?! I’m done saving your ass. This shit is taking too long.” He told you, voice horse with exertion and even a bit of pain.

It bothered him having to do something like this. To have somebody's life in his hands usually meant he was the one to kill them. But right now he was trying to keep someone alive. Which made him realize keeping a human body alive was a lot harder than he would ever admit.

Getting irritated he paused, lifting his hand off your chest to hover it over your slightly agape mouth. Not a single breath of air escaping it.

“Oh my sweet fuck.” He growled, face torn and eyes almost daring to shed tears as he leaned his face towards yours. He lifted your chin towards the sky and opened your mouth a bit more.

“Pucker up.” Left his lips in a joking attempt to make this situation slightly more manageable. To calm his shaking hands and repress his urge to just shake you silly until you came back to life.

Please just wake up. Please just wake up.

He was about to kiss a woman, which he's done many times before but this one happened to be near dead and unconscious. It was less of a kiss and more of a desperate attempt to save you. Which some would argue is even more intimate than any kiss could be.

Pinching your nose he took in a deep breath before latching his lips with yours and breathing outwards. Your lips were dry and cold against his. Lacking all the warmth he wished you had.

Staring down at your chest he gave you a few deep breaths. Trying to spot your lungs heaving up and down as he filled you up like a balloon. After the first few breaths, he finally noticed your chest rise much higher. The mound of your stomach going along with it and giving him a sense of hope maybe he was doing the right thing.

So he pulled up and took another deep breath in before locking lips once more. Keeping your nose tightly shut and making sure his breath was even and long-lasting as it flooded your lungs.

The feeling of the cold slimy unconscious pool your mind lay in suddenly started sliding off as you woke up. Though you hadn’t even realized you were awake before a gush of water came rushing out of your lungs.

Kid instinctively pulled back the second he felt your muscles contract. But that didn’t stop him from getting sea water splashed over his face and even a bit in his mouth.

“Say it, don't spray it asshole.” He leaned back up and spat the water on the sand. Wiping his lips as he watched your body roll over onto its side. Your eyes blinked rapidly and filled up with tears within an instant. Loud choking and gushing noises erupting out of you while you vomited out all the sea water your lungs had taken in.

Some of it hit Kid's lap but he decided not to care. Because you were both thoroughly soaked to the bone, a little more water straight from your lungs and stomach wouldn’t hurt. So he just watched you as deeply uncomfortable feeling stabbed his chest. Runny lines of tears and snot were dripping from your face. You’re eyes barely able to stay open as they constantly blinked away those burning tears. You managed to half way propped yourself up on one arm. Your spine contracting spastically with each retch.

He didn’t like seeing you writhe for whatever reason. Though he couldn’t tell if it’s because he thought it was gross and weak or something else.

Suddenly loud gasps started escaping your mouth making it seem like you still couldn’t breathe. Your throat seemingly sewed shut. Only letting stuff out but not in. Like a fish out of water, your torso twitched even more, your weak hand reaching up and grabbing onto your throat to urge it to open again.

Kids eyes widened at this, realizing that maybe it was too soon to start acting like an uncaring asshole considering you were close to death, yet again. “Goddamn it, just breathe!” He yelled, scooping his hand under the sand and to sit you up.

His voice barely even reached you. Even if you could breathe it felt like you couldn’t. A panic attack revolted against you, making every breath you tried to take weak and small. Barely filling up your lungs and keeping you conscious by a thin thread.

Your watery eyes looked up at him desperately. Pleading him to do something. To do anything to make it stop. A frown took over his face as he drank in your desperation. His stomach sinking to the ground while the uncommon feeling of sympathy flooded his nerves.

What in the hell am I supposed to do?

He wasn’t one for comfort and he already used all the first aid tricks he knew. So he started roughly patting your back, hoping to brute force whatever was blocking your airway. “Is there water still in there? Why can’t you breathe?”

The patting made you cough once again. Dribbles of seawater spilling past your lips and stinging the soft tissue of your mouth. You closed your eyes and leaned your side against Kid's chest. Trying anything to help you calm down you started focusing on your heartbeat. Urging your muscles to relax and using Kids body to stay upwards.

Kid just stared down at you, his pats getting slower and a bit softer. He was worried that if he spoke at all it would ruin whatever sense of peace you were chasing after. He was worried that he would just make it worse.

I always make shit like this worse.

The feeling of your equally drenched and clammy body against his was a bit uncomfortable but he knew it would be a dick move just to let you fall over. So he held onto your back and cradled you slightly. Grimacing the whole time while he listened to your breaths getting deeper and deeper.

Watching you silently he ended up just looking you over. Staring at your skin covered in dewdrops glistening in the moonlight. Noticing how your blood mixed with the water and thinned out to a brisk trickle across your cheek. There were stark tear lines dragging across you skin. Even some faint snot mixed with sea water dripping out of your nose. The warmth rising back into your skin and becoming noticeable against his chest.

Eventually, your eyes opened back up, dazed but no longer flooded with tears.

“You done dying?” He mumbled out, his low voice rumbling in his chest so much you could feel it against your skin.

You slowly looked up at him, his face and body so much closer than it's ever been before. His hair was drenched and lying gently over his goggles and shoulders. Cute curly waves with little drips of water slipping them. His bandages soaked and peeling in some parts to revel the deep gashes along his chest. The ones still healing on his face were shiny and red as if they were irritated. Red-smeared lipstick around the edges of his permanently frowning mouth. His warm breath that smelled of liquor and seawater fanning over you.

Despite the cold numbness draped over your nerves you still managed to feel his chest against you. The way his skin was almost burning it was so warm compared to yours. His thick arm holding the soft space below your shoulder blades in such a delicate way.

Though you noticed all of this, a part of you felt like he wasn’t even there. That he was just a mirage or you were already dead and gone. Left with nothing but this man to ease you over into the afterlife.

“Uh-huh," Was all you could manage to get out. Your throat was now drying up as the salt took hold. Making you rasp and wheeze a bit with each breath.

Kid just rolled his eyes at that, “Well I just want you to know right now that you are a complete fucking dumbass who has no sense of self-preservation and I wish I never met you.”

You blinked slowly, a wave of drowsiness cascading upon you. “Okay.” You said with a shaky breath. Shivering deeply, your eyes closed once more. Kid watched as your head fell against his chest, letting him know that you had passed out for good.

“This bitch.” Left his mouth almost instantly. He was hoping you’d stay awake so you could walk or hold onto him if he was forced to carry you.

I don’t want to carry her. I’m tired and I’m drunk and I don’t deserve this.

He just stared at you against him. Urging his hand to let you fall onto the sand and leave you there.

This was supposed to be my break. I wanted to relax. What do I owe this random girl? I already saved her life which is way more than anyone should expect from me. So she can wake up and figure the rest of this shit out herself.

His face scrunched up as he mulled it over. He stared down at you against his chest. Feeling your soft hair against him. Your spine and arms were nearly vibrating with each deep shiver that ran through you. Like a wounded animal, you curled into him which warmed the small embers of his heart yet repulsed him beyond belief.

“God fucking damn it fine! You won this round.” He yelled at you, a loud exasperated sigh bellowing out of him. With that he softly set you down on the sand. Standing up to go grab his coat that surprisingly hadn’t flown away in the wind. He yanked it off the sand and dusted it off before noticing your bag still laying completely soaked a few feet away from him.

Am I seriously about to hold this girl's shit as well? He asked himself, staring at the green satchel vehemently before roughly picking it up and slinging the strap over his shoulder.

I guess I fucking am. He nearly slapped himself in the face with how ticked off he was. He saved your life and was a bit proud of that fact. But the amount of kindness he was providing was just down right deplorable.

He walked back over to you and kneeled back down onto the sand. Still holding onto his coat and looking between you and the fur.

Of course this bitch is visibly shaking. He just stared at you for a moment, hoping you’d stop so he could throw the coat over his shoulders instead. But your body was insistently twitching violently from head to toe. Your face naturally scrunching up in pain despite being blacked out.

It's not like I’m not cold. I got dunked in the water too. But of course your unconscious body was asking for yet another round of his sympathy.

“Whatever. Take this you greedy little shit.” Kid took his coat and started wrapping it around you. Making sure your arms were funneled through the sleeves so it wouldn’t fall off.

With a grunt, he tried to lift you onto his shoulder. Hunching over so his shoulder was close to your stomach and using his one hand to slide you onto him. He had to pick you up by the ass just a bit, feeling the fat meat of it in his hand as he pulled you up onto him until your hips were in line with his shoulder.

He tried not to think about it too much considering he was groping the ass of a half-dead woman but he managed to get you in a good position. Getting up off the ground with another loud grunt he almost instantly toppled over to one side. Your heavy body was hanging loosely off him so he gripped your legs tightly before you could slide off his shoulder.

“And you couldn’t be just a bit lighter eh? Making me put some actual effort into this shit.” He started walking towards his ship in the distance. Each step just a bit louder than usual against the sand. Your head and arms swaying upside down in a half-pleasant, half horrible sensation.

“Oh and just so you know. This is the last time you’ll get a lick of kindness from me. Expect nothing but shit-talking and maybe a good gut punch from here on out.” He told you but of course this whole time you were dead asleep. So it didn’t matter if you heard his declaration or not. Kid was going to give you what he wanted to give you. He just hoped his stupid feelings wouldn’t get in the way of his prerogatives.

A/N: GEEHEE✨ GEEHEE✨I love writing Kid being a big bootyhole. It’s so sweet and endearing and nice. Would he have a soft spot for a stranger normally? No. But do you remind him of someone he cared about? Yes. Oh and just to be clear when I talk Y/N’s expression and how you remind him of Victoria I don’t mean that you look like her. You look like you of course I just view it as the aura or substance of who Y/N is relates to Victoria in a strange way. Hope that makes sense. Or maybe he just thinks you’re pretty and isn’t willing to realize it. WHAT?? WHO SAID THAT?

#one piece #eustass kid #eustasscaptainkid #kid pirates #eustass kid x reader #one piece x reader #x reader #killer one piece #massacre soldier killer #killer op #one piece eustass

[xcrust]

Ok just because i’m in my promotion era. Here is the chapter that leads to meeting Stolas!!!

Eternity

Note: It’s more of a reader insert compared to a slash fiction. Depending how the story goes i’ll be more than happy to add that plot line for whichever characters we got too. However, I’m going to try to keep the story as close to the source material as possible!!

GN! reader

Word Count: 1.6K

If you value an ounce of your sanity, then a bit of advice that would be given is to not be royalty growing up. Living in a place full of murder happy screw ups can sometimes get to you while growing up. Well it's already getting close to the year where all the angels that were old are eligible to take part in the execution and those who are not get to learn about why they do it. However as a Morningstar, you get a lot of that information thrown at you from a young age.

Even though the infamous siblings of hell were not actual angels, they had a certain specialty of having the mix of both; some may say that in their prime they could be more powerful than the king of hell himself. I wouldn't believe it. I don't have anger issues like most of these people.

You've gotten used to waking up and being pampered every two seconds. But with living a life of royalty you get the treatment whether you like it or not. Especially for a princess to the king of hell. Don't get the wrong idea though. You could never be more grateful for living the bountiful life since birth. However, the way things are going in the castle, it seems it's time for an escape.

Being born into such power should be a sin in all cases. Lucifer giving life to his children had also given life to a half angel which means by all cases this family is powerful in all senses. You can have all the money you asked for and physically and magical wise it's superior to all classes hell has to offer.

These thoughts of your position seem to lay in your brain more than a regular amount in your lifetime. Currently sitting in the bathtub actually seemed to be the best place to think. These thoughts wanted out. Out of this life that seemed to have tarnish and hope for good around you. 

Dripping water onto the tiles seemed to be the wake up call that it was time to get up. 

Only a few years being around mid 20s, well physical wise. In hell time does not work exactly the same for each race as earth but if you were to guess it would be around a hundred and seventy five years? Not too far of a stretch considering Charlie was 200 years. 

“(Y/N)! Get out of the washroom!! I need to pee!” Well that's the most ridiculous thing you've heard from your sister's voice.

“We literally live in a castle, go to another one you dipshit” That's right; you are (Y/n) Magne. The child of Lucifer and Lilith and the younger sibling of Charlie. With this fact you'd think that she would choose an unoccupied bathroom. 

“Coommmmee onnnnnn, this was the closest bathroom to me at the very current second of the very minute of all of hell”

Looking down to your pruned skin It's been about an hour now, the water has gone cold and miserable. At least it gave me some time to think about things. 

“Fine, but I'm coming for your neck the minute I'm done getting ready” You're not actually mad but it's definitely the definition of a sibling being annoying. 

So you immediately poofed a robe on and went out to your room. Instead of coming inside the washroom, Charlie started following you. "Didn't you really need to pee like two seconds ago?”

“uhh … I don't need to anymore! That feeling kinda just came and went.” 

“Charlie thats the most disgusting thing ever what the fuck” Turning with a devious giggle. The look on her face looked mortified with the most dramatic open jaw.

“Ok well I did NOT pee myself, I was just bored and wanted to bother you but now i see i'm just being shamed here”

“Hey i'm not the one that peed themselves on the bed wayyyyy to many times to count when we were younger, the more you defend yourself the more it sounds like you did”

As you were walking back to your room there were imps ransacking the castle making sure everything was pristine and fine. Some of these people that you have known for years and some were a new face every single day. Your parents loved you very much but in your lifetime it seems as though it were only the imps that cared. However, even that wasn't possible because they are all only here for a check. No where else to go. I guess that's a place where you can relate. You definitely felt trapped beyond belief.

“Anyways, what have you come to bother me with today?” Opening the door to your room. You never knew why you maintained a level head and polite, you're in hell so there really wasn't any point

“I adore you but you're invading my space lady” you pause returning to your desk “Why don't you go to your boyfriend's house? You know dad likes when you both are out and about” 

“UHhghUGUHh yeah he's not bad but can’t I hang out with my sibling every once and a while”

You took a moment to think about your thoughts from a few moments prior. “You know I love you right?” 

“You sound like you're about to say your last goodbye to me” Charlie said excitedly. “But of course I do! You're the most fun the place has to offer. Even if you are a little grumpy pants” 

“What?!?!? I am the furthest from being a grumpy pants, miss sunshine and rainbows” you both never could argue. It's just naturally you guys being stuck like glue that makes you work. Keep everything light hearted. 

“Ok that's not even rude, that's just a fact.” she said while jumping onto your bed “Ok yes there is a itty bitty favor that i need to ask you” 

“So the truth comes out” The most obvious deadpan that you could give was just laid out to your sibling. “What do I have to do?!?!” 

“Hehehe… So you know how that goetia family is having a kid? I knooooow you went last time but I'm a little too tired for this one.” 

“Wait, what do I get from you if I go?” Remember that deadpan from moments ago? It just got 6 feet underground. 

“My love and affection?” that deadpan is now in double hell. See you didn't hate going to all these balls. It's the best form of entertainment, watching different levels of nobles try to fight for your attention. Really if it weren't for that you wouldn't even think about going to these parties.

“Uh huh, I don't even have to be there, you're the only one they really want to see. The heir of hell” maybe you should go though, it has been getting pretty lonely in the castle. “Ok fine, but whatever you're doing while I'm there better be worth it”

“Who says im bu- I MEAN yes I will i'll be doing too much work so”

“Yeah yeah now cut the shit when is this happening?”

“Oh hehe it's tomorrow”

“CHARLOTTE WHAT”

...

After many hours this is what it has come too. 

Looking in the mirror there you were in the most lavish attire for a party. No matter how many times you look at yourself you get shocked about how extravagant it gets. Oftentimes those don't wonder why the Magne children became so humble. 

Every time there is a party, Charlie always asks (Y/n) to go because of the fact that other than at these points she never gets to go out. It was her few hours of freedom. Meanwhile (Y/n), wasn't an heir to the throne. So most of the time she really just got to indulge in free time stuck in the castle. A classic fairy tale if anyone asked

Like Charlie they were a precautionary heir but unlike charlie they were something special. At least physical wise. Like her family they resembled the  most out of humans but oddly enough (y/n looked the part the most. It made them desired. 

So as much as status was present, being such an impossible being just made everyone want them. Although most people in hell other than the nobility don't talk about them. To them the existence of (Y/n) was the stuff of legends. Which is really lucky for them when they've been to different rings of hell. They could actually be normal because the people don't know much about them. 

So what's the game plan for today? Maybe we go and get a box full of feathers to start some drama. Actually no, the last time you did something like that there were practically 20 imps thrown out of the last party. OR maybe you could just ignore the hosts until the end of the party? 

In all honesty you never heard much things in high regards towards the one named Stella and as it is her party maybe we can bother her a bit. The Goetia have been an important family for the longest time. However, Satan knows how stuck up they can be. 

#helluva boss x reader #hazbin hotel x reader #hazbin hotel #hazbin charlie #charlie magne #stolas x reader #helluva boss #lucifer magne #lilith magne #alastor x reader #stella helluva boss #stolas helluva boss

[iamamythologicalcreature]

Six Sentence Sunday/Creative Proof of Life

Thanks for the tags, @alexalexinii, @shrekgogurt, and @that-disabled-princess!

This WIP post is basically a proof of life statement. I can't believe it's been over a month since I posted Chapter 1 of the Haunting of Simon Snow. I'm so overdue for chapter 2, BUT... instead I finished writing the rough draft. I've been attempting to outline, because when I rough a draft, I really rough it up. Ahem.

So I have been working on it, even if there is zero evidence on AO3 as of yet.

How about some sentences? I haven't sliced up chapters yet, so not sure if this is from chapter two or three, but here's a snippet of Simon on the phone with Penny expressing some smooshy sentiments:

I curl up on the couch a bit more, maneuvering myself so my wings aren’t crushed. “I went flying last night,” I confess then, in quiet tones. Like someone might hear me. “You— Oh, but… You can’t! What if someone sees you?” I can actually hear her biting her lip. She wants to spell my problems away, and she can’t. “But I can,” I say, smiling a bit more. “There’s no one around for acres. No one will even willingly drive here on account of the house being haunted. It’s empty. And I’m flying at night.” I say flying in the present tense and realize I fully intend to fly again tonight.

Penny huffs. Her specialty. “I don’t like it.” “I do,” I say easily, warming up to explaining, hoping she’ll understand. “It’s so freeing, Pen. Like the weight of the world can’t hold me down, anymore. I feel… It’s like… It’s like I’m closer to the stars. Like I’m close to stirring up the milky way.” I let out a sigh, my eyes closing as I drop my head back, indulging in that recent memory. “I don’t hate it as much, when I’m up there. You know?” There’s a few seconds of silence, and I open my eyes again. “Pen?” “Hate what?” she asks quietly.

(just in case you were worried I wouldn't be including angst...)

Bit more info on my progress (maybe some whinging) and tags and hellos below the cut!

Fun facts about my ineffecient writing process:

I spent more than one or two hours clearing asterisks from my rough draft this morning. (Because discord has trained me to do *this* when I write instead of this.) Because I'm trying to listen to my draft via screen readers, but it keeps sounding like "asterisk-impossible-star-fuck me" (that's my favorite one honestly, it's supposed to read "Impossible. Fuck me.") which is really annoying (more often than amusing). ANYWAY… what this has revealed to me is that I use "Fuck" a lot, as well as "So good." Ahem. Take from that what you will.

BTW, I'm sure there's an easier way to do that than manually. Please don't tell me for at least a few days, or I might lose it. I am but a mortal being, with a tattered heart and patience worn thin. (Or something.)

OKAY. It's been awhile since I did one of these posts. Time really flies. Gonna give this list my best shot, but as always, open to any who want to participate! (Also adding some new names in for the new year so this is sort of my "Gee I hope this is cool with you" super long tag list. If you'd rather not be tagged, just drop me a missive to that effect!)

@leithillustration @prettygoododds @rimeswithpurple @artsyunderstudy @blackberrysummerblog @hushed-chorus @nightimedreamersworld @best--dress @whatevertheweather @ileadacharmedlife @scribble-tier @imagineacoolusername @brilla-brilla-estrellita @alleycat0306 @angelsfalling16 @fatalfangirl @erzbethluna @tender-ministrations @anxious-m3ss @ebbpettier @bubble-gumhead @facewithoutheart @bazzybelle @theimpossibledemon @aristocratic-otter @mooncello @cutestkilla @annabellelux @ic3-que3n @j-nipper-95 @letraspal @messofthejess @onepintobean @palimpsessed @raenestee @supercutedinosaurs @theearlgreymage @thewholelemon @wellbelesbian @you-remind-me-of-the-babe @youarenevertooold @bookish-bogwitch @martsonmars @orange-peony @mostlymaudlin @stardustasincocaine @confused-bi-queer

Lastly, quick note/question. Tumblr seems to be remiss in informing me when I've been tagged in other posts. Is this a common issue?

#snowbaz #simon snow fanfiction #six sentence sunday #simon snow #penelope bunce #I will never not love writing Simon with his monster bits #his wings are a gift #his tail is a treasure #and I love love love writing him flying #oh in addition to using #“Fuck” and “So Good” #too much #there's also this beauty #“So Fucking Good.” #Don't you love behind the scenes notes on a WIPsday post? #I mean I hope so cause I kind of can't help myself #also doing lots of drawing lately #but seriously I just ran out of 2023 in the end #all good tho #2024 seems to be happening as scheduled if not as planned #simon snow series #the simon snow trilogy #carry on reverse bang #corb 2023 #Best besties #angst is coming #jodofic

[meetmyothersouls]

First Time for Everything

Chapter 2

Warnings: nightmares, vomiting, lots of talk of murder and vague mentions to cannibalism, strong language and imagery, I also changed this from second person to first person y/n (chapter one is in second person),

Snap-snap-snap

The sound grabs my attention, but I can’t focus on anything. It’s too dark. My eyes must’ve missed their chance to gradually adjust to complete darkness, allowing small shapes and figures to come into view. I can’t see shit. It’s a darkness I remember well but wish I didn’t. One that’s hungry and mean. It smells familiar. Like the scent of an unfortunate childhood.

Where am I?

Snap-snap-snap

It echos, bouncing off of walls that might as well be nonexistent. I squint my eyes, as if that will somehow make up for the lack of light in…wherever I am. Where’s the sound coming from? I turn my body. More darkness but this time there’s a door, only put into view by the light that’s shining from behind the frame, allowing the tiniest bit of soft yellow light to illuminate the darkness.

Snap-snap-snap

It’s louder now. More rapid and urgent. The light behind the door is interrupted by shadows. Four of them in what I realize are feet. Who do they belong to?

“She’s just a child,” a woman says. Her voice is soft and familiar.

“A child that needs to learn, Vanessa,” another familiar voice says. It’s one I should know. One I do know but I’ve locked in the farthest recesses of my mind. And Vanessa. I definitely knew a Vanessa.”

“Randall,” Vanessa warns. “Don’t hurt her.” She sounds nervous now and I find myself scooting on my ass desperate to get as far away from the door as possible.

Snap-snap-snap

This time the sounds are accompanied with something new. Shaking. I’m shaking. I can feel it.

“I’m not going to hurt her, dumb ass,” Randall says, his tone highly annoyed, like he’s talking to someone small and stupid and pathetic. “I’m going to teach her. A few minutes with me is all she’ll need.”

The door opens and I see Vanessa’s shadow on the wall as she leaves. Then Randall comes into view only I can’t see him. He’s just a massive shadow. A void in front of the yellow light of the hallway. He stands there menacingly, and I realize I’m still scooting away. I scoot, and scoot, and scoot but my back never presses against a corner or a wall or…anything. I'm trying so hard to get away, but I can’t. It’s like I’m moving backward on a treadmill with no end in sight. Then, the shadow lunges for me, his hands like claws fully extended and ready to-

“Y/N!”

Snap-snap-snap

I gasp and my eyes shoot open. I’m taking in gulps of air like I hadn’t even been breathing. I clutch my chest and sit up straight. It’s still dark but I can tell I’m in a car. Which is odd considering I’ve not been in a car in years.

“Jesus fucking Christ,” the man sitting in the drivers seat says. I know it’s Lee but my mind is fleeting so rapidly I can’t even look at him. I need to get out.

I jump, my heart pounding so quickly I feel like I’m about to vomit. I reach for the door handle of the moving car and pull.

“Whoa whoa whoa! Y/n, stop! Relax!” Lee's pulling me by my elbow which only makes me panic more.

“Let me out. Let me out. I gotta get out. Can’t breathe,” I say, gulping down air like it’s water.

“Okay, shit, I’ll pull over!”

He pulls over and I spill out of the car the before it’s fully stopped. I empty my stomach onto the ground as Lee puts the car into park. The car we stole. From the man he killed. And ate. Things start falling back into place and the events from earlier flood my brain. Lee slams his door, and I can hear his footsteps crunching against the gravel as he walks over to me. There’s still blood on his shirt. Immediately I gag, but nothing happens other than both sides of my ribcage painfully pressing together.

“Fuck,” Lee breathes out as if he’s exhausted. I look up at him and he’s running a hand through his hair. There’s blood caked under his fingernails. I gag again. “You good?”

“Your shirt,” I say though a shaky breath.

“What about it?”

“Can you get rid of it?”

“That’s the weirdest way I’ve been asked to get naked, but okay.”

“I don’t want to see you naked! Your shirt has blood on it from the man you killed!”

“ShhhHHH!!!” Lee shushes me. He’s starting to bring his filthy palm up to my face and I shake my head, baking away from him. “You can’t just scream that shit out loud, y/n, fuck.” Still, he takes off his shirt and laces it through a belt loop at his side. It won’ fix the disgusting state of his fingernails, but it will at least keep my gagging at bay. “And just so we’re clear, I killed him to save you. You’re welcome.”

Lee plops down onto the curb next to me. “You done puking? I wanna make sure I’m out of the splash zone.”

“I think I’m done,” I say, wiping my mouth with the back of my hand. I sit next to him and realize we’re on a highway. A dead one. It’s dark but not too dark, I can see my surroundings, which is nothing but highway for miles in between dense forest on both sides. Cicadas and crickets chirp in unison filling the night with their song. That’s enough to tell me we’re still in North Carolina.

“What was all that?” Lee asks.

“All what?”

“Well you whimpering in your sleep for starters.”

“I wasn’t whimpering!” I answer too quickly and way too defensively.

“Okay whatever the fuck it was, what was it?”

“I had a nightmare I think.”

Lee fishes a single cigarette from his pocket and lights it. “Damn,” he says after taking a long drag from it. He blows the smoke in the opposite direction of me. “Wanna talk about it?”

I open my mouth, then close it. I get nauseous even thinking of the pitch black room, the hauntingly familiar smell and voices. And the shadows. “Where are we?”

“About an hour away from Asheville,” Lee says, not seeming to mind my sudden change of subject. “Smoke?” He asks, holding his cigarette out to me between his thumb and index finger.

“Your hands are filthy.”

Lee takes his cigarette back and laughs. “You always this uptight?”

“Only after I see a man eat another human.”

“Ah you’re still stuck on that?”

“Of course I’m stuck on that! It’s not exactly normal, you know.”

“And yet you still got into a car with me. A stolen one at that.” Lee arches an eyebrow at me and smirks.

“Well, you saved me so.”

“So what?”

“I don’t know,” I say and stand back up. He’s getting on my nerves and I don’t know why.

“You and I,” Lee says straining his words as he stands up with me, “we’re not that different.”

“Oh yes we are.”

“Not really. Watch. You’ll see.”

“What do you mean ‘you’ll see’?”

Lee walks back to the car. He opens the door and stands on the the inside, resting his elbow on the hood of the car. “You hungry?”

I haven’t moved from my spot on the side of the road. I must have quite the expression on my face because he smirks at me again. And even though he’s filthy and a murderer I’m doing everything I can not to admit that he’s extremely attractive. I can’t get close to anyone. Definitely not someone like him. “What do you mean ‘you’ll see’?” I demand, I cross my arms and stand my ground.

Lee rolls his eyes, “I just mean you’ll see. Now come on, I want waffles and maybe a steak.”

Food sounds revolting to me right now. I don’t move.

“Jesus, y/n, what? You have somewhere else to go?”

I hate how he uses my name like he knows me so well. I hate that him saying my name at all does something to me it shouldn’t. He’s a murderer.

“Look,” Lee says pointing ahead of us into nothingness. “You can head that way into bum fuck nowhere or you can go back that way and go visit our little friend-well what’s left of him-back in that dumpster in Charlotte. And lemme tell ya, where there’s one of that guy, there’s hundreds. Walking around lurking in the shadows and you don’t even know they’re there or what they are until it’s too late. Or you can come with me. What’s it gonna be, y/n.”

He’s looking at me expectantly, knowing he’s already won. I sigh and make my way back to the car. I step over the mess I made and plop into the dirty passenger seat. We drive in silence for at least thirty minutes before Lee speaks up again. “Look, y/n, I’m not forcing you to come with me. If you’ve got somewhere to be or someplace you want me to drop you off just tell me, I’ll take you there.”

I look over at him, but he’s focused on the road, his dirty hands gripping the steering wheel. “Where are you going anyway?” I ask.

Lee shrugs, “I was gonna stop in Asheville first.”

“Why?”

Now he looks over at me. “I love it there.” He smiles and it’s a genuine one and I have to look away because it damn near melts my heart. “But if you want me to take you some place else first, I will.”

I sigh, looking at the blurry trees zipping by. I hope in my next life I’m a tree. “I don’t have anyone. Or anywhere to go.”

“No family?”

“No. Well none that give a shit about me.”

“No friends?”

“No.”

We’re both silent again, but it’s not the bad kind. It’s the kind that I’m comfortable with. And I can tell that he is too. Silence is golden.

“I knew it,” Lee finally says.

“Knew what?” I ask, taking my gaze away from the blur of trees to look at him again.

Lee turns and smiles at me, but this time I don’t look away. “That you’re a loner like me.”

We stare at each other for what feels like too long. Then, Lee shakes his head breaking out stare as he eases on the breaks and pulls into a Waffle House parking lot.

“Hope you like Waffle House,” Lee says as he clicks off his seatbelt. He walks around the car and opens my door for me, the action itself jarring. No one’s ever opened a door for me. I shove that thought to the back of my head, in a sad attempt to not let it do anything to me. He’d do that for anyone.

We scooted into a booth, Lee sitting across from me. “My sister and I used to come here all the time.”

I only nod as I look at the menu, choosing not to ask any follow up questions to his statement so that I don’t have to talk about my family in return.

“You got any siblings?”

I fight back a sigh. “Nope. Only child.”

“Really? Your childhood must’ve been lonely. My sister and I-”

The waitress, an old woman with frizzy blonde hair, shocking red lipstick and a name tag that read Deborah in handwritten cursive comes up to our table. She smacks her gum loud and I can see the lime green wad as she flicks it around with her tongue. As much as I am grateful she interrupted Lee’s family talk, I have to look away to keep myself from gagging. “What are you getting?”

“I’ll have the four waffles and a T-bone, medium rare, and a coffee. Black,” Lee says, practically salivating. Then looks over to me.

“Oh. Uh. I’ll just have a coffee I think.”

Deborah blows a massive bubble with her gum and looks at me like there’s got to be more to my order.

“I’ll give her one of my waffles,” Lee winks and hands Deborah our menus.

Deborah rolls her eyes and pockets her pen and note pad. Seconds later she brings back two steaming mugs of coffee. Lee drinks is straight apparently while I dump five sugars into mine and four of the tiny cups of creamer. In what seems like not long enough to cook an entire steak and four waffles, Deborah’s back in five minutes with Lee’s food and an extra plate for me. “Enjoy,” she says in a tone that sounds more like she hopes we choke on it. My stomach turns at the sight of the plate. Lee’s steak is sitting in a pool of brownish-red liquid. The bottom waffle in the stack of four is soggy with the blood and liquid that seeped out of the steak as it cooked. I look into my coffee to escape the sight.

“So-”

“Please tell me you’re going to wash your hands.”

Lee smirks. “Right. Of course. Be right back. That top waffle is for you if you want it.”

I wait until he’s in the bathroom to get up and grab a few of the pamphlets and maps in the stands at the front of the restaurant. For some reason knowing exactly where I am and where we could be going is grounding for me. I feel calmer, more in control. There are broachers for nearby landmarks and attractions. Gatlinburg, Tennessee, Dollywood, a zoo that’s a about an hour from this restaurant, a Georgia aquarium and various museums, several maps of the Smokey Mountains, and like Lee mentioned, Asheville, North Carolina. I grab them all. When I get back to the table, Lee is already seated and digging into his steak. He's already slid the top waffle onto my plate.

“Doing some research?” Lee asks with a mouthful of steak.

“Just like to know what’s around,” I admit.

He stops chewing and smiles, the meat a ball inside of his cheek. “Don’t trust me?”

I slide into my seat and poke at my waffle. “I’m not sure it’s safe to trust anyone.”

“But me specifically. Right now, you don’t trust me.”

I shrug. “Should I?”

“Are you afraid I’m gonna eat ya?”

I look around before ducking my head “I don’t think we should talk about this in public."

"It's 2:30 in the morning, y/n, no one's here but us and Deborah. Think about it, if I wanted to do something to you, anything, I could have by now. But you're sitting here in this fine establishment with me and you're not the one in a plastic bag in some random dumpster."

"You want me to trust you?"

Lee flashes me that stupid fucking smirk I'm starting to like a lot as he shoves a piece of steak in his mouth. "I'd like it if you did, yeah."

I poke at my waffle before grabbing the pitcher like container of butter pecan syrup and pour it on my plate. I look up and Lee isn't eating anymore. He's still got his knife and his fork in each hand but he's looking at me. Waiting. "Then explain it to me."

"Which part?"

"All of it."

Lee pushes his half-eaten plate to the side. He grabs all the condiments from our table as well as the salt and pepper shakers and pushes them into the center.

"I am so glad you asked. Allow me to demonstrate."

Tags: @dayafied @soulofendlessbook @fashphotolife @scentedkittenperfection @weasleytwinscumslut @timotheel0ver @mxciscastleintheair @marvelmaniac2000 @lovelyrocker @divine-1 @love-poems-only @starberry-cake @inlovewithphantasy @alexagirlie @misswestfall @softhecreator @livresjaunes @timmymyluv @inannamoon @harrys-thick-thighs @s-we-e-t-t-ea @timolaurence @its-schmackin-dude @justagirlwhoneedshelp @kteezy997 @sufferingstarlight @xoxoloverb @tropicalrozmajzl @iloveneilperry @syirnge @patronsaintofthetwinks @roseboysareprettier @onlyenoughiamweird

#timothee chalamet #timothée chalamet #writing #timothee chalamet x reader #timothee chalamet x you #timothee blurb #timothee chalamet imagine #timmy chalamet #dark!timothee #bones and all #Lee fic #Lee x reader #bones and all fic

[tgmsunmontue]

More than movie magic... 18/24

Hangster AU. Explicit (eventually). Jake is a Hollywood actor and Bradley is a stunt coordinator. Jake's about to make a few self-discoveries. So is Bradley.

ONE TWO THREE FOUR FIVE SIX SEVEN EIGHT NINE TEN ELEVEN TWELVE THIRTEEN FOURTEEN FIFTEEN SIXTEEN SEVENTEEN

Chapter 16 is pretty much the only explicit chapter (so far), so you can skip it if you like, but it's not explicit by my standards, and it's very soft/tender.

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

                “Well hey there…” Jake says, and now that he knows Bradley likes his Texan accent he makes no effort to temper it, but Bradley looks annoyed instead of amused or aroused and Jake hopes the annoyance isn’t directed at him. Not already.

                “Hi. Can I talk to you real quick?”

                “Uh, yeah, of course…”

                Of course there are catcalls and Jake rolls his eyes, but his heart is beating fast, thundering in his ears, terrified that this is somehow going to be his shortest lived relationship ever. He doesn’t know what he’s projecting exactly, but Bradley’s reaching for him, lacing their fingers together and pulling him to the side, just out of the way and out of earshot from most people although he notes pretty much every eye in the room is turned their way.

                “Hey. Hey calm down. We’re fine. You’re fine…”

                Bradley has shifted, putting his back to the room, as if he’s protecting Jake from everyone, eyes flicking over his face and his expression is concerned. Fuck.

                “Jake… you with me?”

                “Yeah, sorry. Just… heard those words before and it’s generally not the start of a good conversation.”

                “Sorry. Shit. I’m so sorry. I just need to tell you something, and I feel like I’m going to be apologizing a lot today. Nothing either of us did though, okay?”

                “The photos?”

                “Yeah. Mav’s seen them.”

                “Mav?”

                “Sorry. Pete. He’s on his way here because he called me from the air and he’s incapable of believing I can make my own life decisions.”

                “Okay. That’s okay. I’ve met Pete before.”

                “Yeah. You met professional-Pete, not parent-Pete. Different beast unfortunately. Just… if I could have kept him from meeting your mom until after we were married or something that’s how I would have played it, but, uh…”

                “You’ve thought about us getting married?” Jake blurts out, surprised.

                “Uh. No? Well. Not in detail exactly.”

                All his feelings around Bradley second guessing his decision to be with him have just dissolved, and he knows he had no reason to doubt it, but also knows his brain isn’t a rational place sometimes. Instead he’s watching Bradley blush and look awkward and he’s definitely falling in love with him.

                “I generally don’t start relationships with people I can’t imagine myself spending the rest of my life with? I’m thirty-five, I have a better idea of what I’m looking for. And I can imagine a future with you, so… here we are.”

                “Oh. So why would Pete be worried about that?”

                “God. This is not the place for that conversation. Just. I’ll tell you, but we have fifteen minutes before we’re meant to be on set and I need to tell you something else… He’s bringing Tom. His partner. Um.”

                Jake has to admit he’s confused. Pete having a male partner doesn’t really explain why Bradley seems as worked up as he is.

                “Okay. So it’s a man. You seriously don’t think I’d have a problem with that do you?” Jake asks, staring at him and gesturing between the two of them. Bradley is shaking his head though, like there’s more and Jake waits.

                “Tom as in Tom Kazansky.”

                “What?”

                Okay then. That’s a name and a half. Jake knows who that is of course, but he never met the man, Kazansky being pretty much a recluse since his health scare a decade previous when Jake had only just started making a name for himself. Jake isn’t even sure he’d recognize the man, the photo used in any media one from over twenty years ago.

                “Yeah. They’re… shit.  Thought I’d have time to tell you and prepare you for how weird they are. They have… a complicated relationship. They’re both incredibly stubborn and agree that they love each other, but they also… well. Tom got cancer, so he called it all off, said Pete could find someone better, and that started a whole other fight, but it was the most ridiculous thing, arguing over who loved each other more. They’re both hopeless, but neither of them can see it.”

                “Oookay…” Jake says slowly, his mind racing, because quite frankly he doesn’t care about Pete or Tom, he just wants Bradley to stop freaking out. “Bradley. They aren’t going to scare me off anymore than my family has scared you off.”

                As he’d hoped that makes Bradley laugh and he can’t help his answering grin.

                “I like your family.”

                “Well, that’s good. God. We’ve got to get to set. Marcia is going to have my head.”

                “I need to talk to her too, give her a heads up about Pete,” Bradley says, and he’s glancing over his shoulder then, eyes scanning the room and Jake reaches for his face and gets his attention before kissing him.

                “Go. I’ll see you in the arena shortly. Hope you appreciate that I don’t have to do makeup today!”      

…            …            …

                He’s distracted as he watches Jake walk away, but only a little, because he needs to find Marcia and Arnold, let them know that Pete is coming, but only to visit him and not to be an ass and tread on another turf, despite that totally being Mav’s MO. He knows Mav is getting on and mutters about retiring, but whenever he’s not working Bradley has to deal with more of his bullshit than usual.

                “Bradley, you haven’t eaten anything!” Aunty Kaye calls out, and he startles a little, turning toward her, because she’s not wrong, but he is going to be late to set.

                “Uh, no, haven’t really had time yet. I did grab a protein bar. Thank you for that by the way,” Bradley says, and he hopes he isn’t blushing too badly.

                “Hmm. That’s not proper food.”

                “No, I know. I just had a phone call. My dad is coming to visit. Both of them I guess. They’ll probably be here for lunch actually. Assuming they don’t get lost…”

                “Well I look forward to meeting them. Hmm. Do you know why I like you Bradley?”

                “Um. I thought maybe you liked most people?” Bradley asks, suddenly feeling like he’s smack bang in the center of a minefield with no idea how he got there. And of course he can’t be rude and just run away, he’d much rather incur Marcia’s wrath than Aunty Kaye’s at the end of the day.

                “Oh, I do dear. But I liked you before I’d even met you.”

                “Oh.”

                Now he’s confused.

                “You stand up to him, you wouldn’t let him try anything risky or dangerous and he complained about it bitterly,” she says, laughing. “But you know what I thought?”

                “What?”

                “That that sounded like someone who would keep Jake safe and unharmed. I’m his mom, of course I want him safe. He gets into enough trouble without thinking he can do risky stunts.”

                “Yeah. Of course.”

                “You don’t let him railroad you into things, I admire that too.”

                “Thanks?”

                “Here, on his own turf, watching him do something he was born with in his blood? You trust him to know his limits. He needs that too.”

                Bradley just nods, not sure if he’s even allowed to speak.

                “So. I like you. However if I ever find out you’ve deliberately hurt him, either emotionally,  physically or mentally I want you to know that you won’t see me coming. I will find you. Now, I can’t really threaten you with bodily harm, however I can threaten you with my disappointing looks, which my children assure me are the worst thing they’ve ever experienced. Of course, if Jake screws this up he’ll also be on the receiving end of one of such looks. However, I feel like you’re a man who doesn’t give up easily. Some days you’re going to have to dig-deep, because my baby can get in his own head and think the worst of everything and everyone, but I think if he were easy you wouldn’t be as interested as you seem to be.”

                Bradley gapes like a fish, mouth opening and closing and he has no idea what to even say, where to start with everything she’s just said. All it’s highlighting is that he and Jake really need to have a proper talk. Not just about their relationship, but maybe about potential baggage that they have, because he thought maybe he was the only one. He should have known that wasn’t going to be the case.

                “I’ve already told Jake that I think he’s worth it.”

                “Good. Maybe he’ll believe you.”

NINETEEN

#Hangster #Sereshaw #more than movie magic #Top Gun Maverick

[thefallennightmare]

Moment of Weakness-twenty five

*credit to whoever created the gif. found on google/Pinterest *

Pairings: Mob!Bucky Barnes x reader

Warnings: language, smut, angst, fluff, affair, cheating, violence.

Summary: Reader is the assistant to New York's most feared mob boss, James Buchanan Barnes. He had the picture-perfect life: status in the mob, friends, and beautiful wife. So why can't he keep his mind and eyes off of reader?

Author's Note: it's short, I apologize. I tried to get something out. I promise the next chapter will be so much better.

Tags(closed): @splendidreads @sebsgirl71479 @mdpplgtz03 @pattiemac1 @unaxv @alana4610 @broadwaybabe18 @themayzittcha @playboystark @raajali3 @ozwriterchick @ragamuffin285 @screamingdying @themorningsunshine @kenziekugler22 @calwitch @sebastianstansqueen @stanaddict @stucky-simp03 @sleyeveryday @loustan90 @lyra-black13 @valsworldofcreativity @cjand10 @tesseract69 @batprincess1013 @subwaysurf45 @arsonfrogger @yoruse @5moremin @lipstickandtanqueray @mandijo17 @joannaromanoff @justsebstan @winters1917 @elizacusi-blog @football1921 @elxvrr

I sat in the large bedroom, feeling out of place. Bucky told me to make myself at home, no matter what. He wanted me to feel comfortable especially since I wasn’t sure how long I’d be staying with him. To be honest, I probably could have gone to stay with anyone else but when Bucky offered his house, my heart jumped at the idea of being alone with him for more than an hour. It wasn’t the best idea, knowing our history, and I had done such a good job at getting over him that this only spelled disaster. 

The loud voice in my head scoffed, knowing that I was lying about getting over him. 

With a sigh, I forced myself to get up and at least unpack my bags, hoping it would make me feel a bit more comfortable here. This house was Bucky's. He worked so hard for everything and it felt wrong for me to come in pretending that I belonged here with him. 

There was a soft knock on the door and I gave my best smile to Bucky, who was leaning against the frame with his arms over his chest. 

“Settling in fine?” 

I gave a half shrug. “I guess.” 

He could tell by the way my voice faltered that something was wrong so Bucky pushed himself off the frame and motioned towards the bed. 

“It’s your house,” I responded flatly. 

Bucky let out a deep breath while sitting on the end of the bed. “Is that why you’ve been so closed off? You didn’t say one word the entire drive.” 

My gaze stuck  on my hands as I watched my fingers work on folding a shirt, two times to many. 

“I feel as if I’m invading your personal space. I would have been fine staying in a hotel until everything blows over.” 

“You’re not, Y/N. I want you here. How else would I be able to make sure you’re safe?” Bucky questioned.

I didn’t say anything, only tossed the shirt back into my suitcase and let out an annoyed breath.  

“This is such bullshit,” I grumbled. “I shouldn’t have to feel like I can’t stay in my own home.” 

Bucky went to reach for me but held himself back, knowing that we weren’t there quite yet. We only just saw each other again after eight months. 

“I’m sorry,” he apologized with a broken sigh. 

“It’s not your fault, Bucky,” I shook my head and finally looked into his eyes. 

The usual light that shone behind them that I found myself drowning in was long gone. Clearly the last eight months had also been hard on him; even though he deserved some pain. Just a little bit. 

“Can I ask you something?” 

His voice was quiet but I had still heard him by giving him a nod. 

“Why did you leave for eight months?” Bucky asked. 

“Bucky,” I sighed, not wanting to get into this right now. 

“I deserve to know,” he said. 

I scoffed while crossing my arms over my chest. “You deserve to know? Are you fucking kidding me?” 

He placed his head in his hands. “I don’t want to fight, doll. I just want to know why you were away for so long.” 

My shoulders dropped when I heard the hurt in his voice and decided that a fight between us wasnt what either of us needed. I took a seat next to him but not too close, unafraid of what would happen if I felt him brush against me. 

“I thought that if I stayed away that long that it would help me move on from you, get over what we went through,” I admitted. 

Bucky’s hands were clasped together as he leaned forward, elbows on his knees. 

“Did it work?” he asked

I looked at him with so much love in my heart and eyes, my voice breaking in a hushed tone. I almost uttered those three words that would fall from my lips while I dreamt of him every night while I was gone. 

“I’m afraid to find out.” 

Vibranium fingers wrapped squeezed my thigh, Bucky’s touch shocking all the buried feelings back to the surface. 

“It was wrong of me to put you in that position. You deserved to have someone that wouldn’t cause you pain. You should be their first priority, Y/N.”  

I began to slowly trace the gold lines of his arm, my gaze falling on his face. “I wanted you to be that person, Bucky.” 

He let out a very shaky breath, lips trembling, and looked down. “I’m sorry.” 

For the second time tonight, he apologized. The only difference was that this one was his fault, so I gently leaned my head against his shoulder. 

“I appreciate your apology.” 

We stayed like this for a while, my head on his shoulder and his hand on my knee. No other movements happened between us as words were not said, only enjoying the quiet solace that we had found ourselves in. Even if he had apologized, I wasn’t going to pick up where we left off. I couldn’t let myself get distracted with him when my life was on the line, the hit looming in the dark behind us. 

Bucky’s phone began to ring and I removed my head with a quiet sigh, watching him answer the call from Steve. 

“Yeah? I’m at home. Y/N’s here,” he gave me a small smile. “When did you find this out?” 

The anger was clear in the way his jaw glanced, eyes going dark. 

“Send me the address. We’ll meet you there.” 

Bucky ended the call and rose to his feet quickly. “Let’s go.” 

His hand was extended towards me and I raised a brow at it. “Where?” 

“Steve has a meeting with someone who knows more about where Clint and Natasha may have gone.” 

Without a second thought, I followed Bucky’s previous actions by rising to my feet and slipped into my jacket. As I went to walk past him, Bucky’s finger slipped between my fingers. 

“Promise that you’ll stay close to me tonight?” 

I nodded and gave his hand a comforting squeeze. “Whatever you say, goes.”

#mob!bucky barnes #mob!bucky barnes x reader #mob!bucky barnes and reader #mob!bucky barnes x yn #mob!bucky barnes and yn #mob!bucky barnes reader insert #bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes and reader #sebastian stan #moment of weakness-mob!bucky barnes

[eddiemunsons80sbaby]

Nobody's Fool: Chapter 24

Pairing: EddieXReader

Summary: You have bartended for years after you were forced to drop out of college due to family circumstances. You have dated your fair share of musicians, had your heart broken by one particular one, and have learned they are not be trusted. You have sworn off of them for the rest of your life. Then, one night, a new band plays at the bar, and against your better judgement, you can't help noticing the lead singer and guitar player. Could he possibly be different from the ones who came before him?

Warnings: 18+ Only due to eventual smut and language. There is also a toxic family relationship with a narcissistic mother if that is triggering for you.

MasterList

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10 Chapter 11 Chapter 12 Chapter 13 Chapter 14 Chapter 15 Chapter 16 Chapter 17 Chapter 18 Chapter 19 Chapter 20 Chapter 21 Chapter 22 Chapter 23 Chapter 24 Chapter 25 Chapter 26 Chapter 27 Chapter 28

You sat across from Jen the next day. You had gone to your favorite coffee shop, Jen insisting that you needed to get out for a bit and sit in the sunshine. You had gotten home last night and Jen was already asleep so you hadn’t had a chance to tell her everything that had transpired during your shift. It was fine because you weren't sure that you would have had the energy or emotional stability to share. 

This morning, Jen had to practically drag you out of bed. She knew something was wrong, but you hadn’t felt like sharing so she insisted you head out and do something instead of wallowing in your room. 

You knew you had done this to yourself. You had been awful to him, making him constantly prove himself to you when he already had a dozen times over. Anyone would have gotten sick of your shit. Maybe you deserved to feel as hollow as you felt right now. You probably deserved everything that had happened last night. But you really hadn’t expected him to go running off with another girl that quickly. You had thought he was different.

“Okay, we’re sitting in the sun, breathing fresh air, and drinking caffeine,” Jen said. “Tell me what’s going on. I know you’re going through some rough shit right now but something else had to have happened. You were like a zombie this morning. Did you even sleep?”

“Not really. It was kind of hard after the shitshow that last night was. Both Eddie and Sebastian showed up at the bar last night,” you told her, taking a long drink of your coffee. It was still hot and it burned your tongue, but it felt good to feel something other than this black void that had been in your chest since watching Eddie with that girl. 

“Shit.”

“Yeah, shit,” you muttered. 

“So, I’m guessing that didn’t go well?”

You laughed sarcastically, trying to ignore the insistent pounding behind your eyes. Lack of sleep and too much crying for two nights in a row was catching up to you fast. “That’s putting it mildly.”

“Did Sebastian fuck things up?”

“He couldn’t fuck anything up. I already did a fine job of that myself. He was just annoying,” you groaned. “He walked in as Eddie was yelling at me and took that as a sign to make a move again. He was all arrogant, assuming me and Eddie didn’t work out because I still had feelings for him. He was pushy and then when I wasn’t responding, he got nasty. He was his usual charming self. I basically told him to fuck off and that he didn’t deserve me and he got pissed off and left.”

“Well, that’s good,” Jen said, grinning. “Damn, I’m really proud of you for telling him off. That’s a step in the right direction of saying fuck you to all the assholes in your life. But why was Eddie yelling at you? Were you two fighting?”

“No. He came in already drunk and apparently decided to spew all his anger at me all over the bar. He came with an agenda. Everyone was watching as he called me an ice queen and a frigid bitch. He told Sebastian he could have me because he was done with me.”

“Ouch, damn,” Jen sighed, leaning back in her chair, thinking. “I’m so sorry girl. I’m sure he didn’t mean any of it though. You said he was drunk and he’s obviously hurt about what happened with you guys the other night. That’s a really toxic combination right there. He just acted stupid. I am guessing he is going to be falling all over himself to apologize the next time you talk. You didn't plan on talking to him, right?”

“Yeah, I did but I don’t think it matters anymore,” you choked, your voice shaking as you battled back tears. Jesus, how many tears could one person possibly have? You had to be running out of them at this point. “I’m pretty sure he’s done with us because that wasn’t the only thing he did.”

“Oh no.”

You took a deep breath, trying to control your emotions before you shared the rest. You didn’t want to sob into your coffee in front of a bunch of strangers, putting on full display just how unbalanced you were. You'd done enough crying last night, alone, in your bedroom. 

“He found some chick on the dance floor, a really beautiful one. He was dancing…I guess more like mating with her and kissing her. Then he left with her, making sure that I saw everything, so I guess you can make your own conclusions about how that ended.”

“Shit,” Jen breathed. “Sweetie, I’m so sorry. I know he’s probably hurting but I never would have expected that from him. I mean, that’s low. He came to your bar on purpose just to hurt you and to make sure you saw him with another girl. I can’t believe that. I really thought he was a good guy, but maybe I was wrong.”

“Yeah, you and me both,” you whispered. “I fucked up with him. I know I did. I couldn’t get past all my own fears to let myself just be with him and I get him being pissed off. He has every right to be. For a minute I wondered if I made a mistake. I was thinking of trying to talk to him and fix it, but now I’m thinking maybe it’s for the best. He clearly had no problem getting over it. I was feeling guilty because I thought I misjudged him but he turned out to be exactly what I was afraid of.”

“Damn. That really sucks.”

“It doesn’t matter anymore. Clearly, it’s over so I need to just move on and let it go,” you sighed, leaning back and taking another drink of your coffee. “He’s moved on so everything he said that night was probably bullshit anyway. He had no problem jumping onto the next pretty girl he saw. I guess I don’t need to feel guilty anymore. How could he possibly love me if he was able to just find someone new the next night like we never happened?”

“Ugh, men,” Jen sighed.

“Well, you have a good one,” you offered.

“That’s true, but I have had my share of ugh ones,” Jen laughed, leaning across the table. “You know what, screw Eddie. He’s not deserving of you either. Both him and Sebastian can go to hell, the nasty pricks. You’re going to find Mr. Right. You’re on the path to self-healing and becoming the badass bitch you were always meant to be.”

You chuckled. “I don’t know about all that.”

“Yes you are! Your first step was telling off Sebastian and letting all that negative shit go. Actually, that was the second step because you told off your mom already and you finally put your foot down with her. You haven’t spoken to her or tried to run over there to fix whatever bullshit problem she had going on since that night she called you. You are moving forward. Leave all of them assholes behind because they never deserved you anyway.”

“That’s right,” you agreed, nodding. “I did tell Sebastian off, and you know what, it felt good. No more picking losers. I am not going to be with anyone else who doesn’t deserve me. I am not going to let my mom push me around. She can figure out her own damn life. She’s never done a single thing for me so why do I feel the need to do anything for her? And my Dad? Let him have his stupid life with his wife who’s half his age. What do I care? I don’t need any of them.”

“That’s my girl. You got me so what would you need anyone else for?”

You threw your head back and laughed and damn, it felt good, “Exactly. Who could want more than a friend like you?”

“That’s what I’m saying,” Jen smirked. “I am clearly more than enough.”

___________________________________________________________

You and Jen were walking back to your apartment, arm in arm, after your coffee date. You were talking about all of the things that you were going to do with this new view on life. You were beginning to feel pretty positive about your future. You finally felt ready to let go of all of your shit. It wasn’t your shit anyway. It was everyone else’s shit, and quite honestly, you were tired of carrying it for them. You were done letting others dictate your happiness or control your life.

And the next guy, whoever he was, well, you knew it would be hard but you were going to try to just let them in. If your time with Eddie had proven anything to you, it was that this guarding yourself bullshit was not working. You had wound up getting hurt anyway and a lot of that was on you. You wanted happiness. You wanted love and you deserved to have it. You couldn’t do that if you kept putting up walls. It was time to smash the shit out of them for good.

As you turned the corner, the positive feeling you had been carrying quickly vanished. Eddie was in front of your building, pacing back and forth, smoking a cigarette. He looked like a complete mess. His hair was a rat’s nest around his head and your fingers itched to run through it and untangle it, smoothing it around that beautiful face. He was wearing sweats and a t-shirt that was horribly wrinkled as if he had slept in it and then just never changed. Had he rolled out of bed and then come here?

He looked up as you approached and you paused at the sight of his face. His eyes were bloodshot, heavy bags under them pointing to a sleepless night. You were sure he did have a sleepless night. The girl he took home with him last night looked like she was down for just about anything and could probably go all night.

“Princess, thank god,” he said, approaching you quickly as he tossed his cigarette. “I’ve been waiting here for an hour. Please, I…”

Jen instantly jumped in front of you, blocking his way and putting her hands up to fend him off. That was you friend, bodyguard extraordinaire. Don’t fuck with her friends because she had no problem fucking with you. Jen may have no trouble telling you when you were being an idiot but she would defend you with her life when someone hurt you.

“No way. You need to leave,” she said firmly.

“No, please, you don’t understand. I have to explain,” he said.

“She doesn’t need to understand and you don’t need to explain. She’s well aware of what happened last night. You made certain of that when she chose to flaunt it in her face at her place of employment,” Jen said. “You’re an asshole and she doesn’t want to talk to you now or ever. Just get the hell off of our property.”

This wasn’t technically your property seeing as it was an apartment building, but you didn’t feel this was the time to argue that fact with your friend. Jen looked like she was ready to claw his eyes out if it came to that.

“Please, I just need to talk to her for a minute. Just give me one goddamn minute, please? Sweetheart, please listen to me,” he pleaded.

“I told you…” Jen started.

“Listen to you?” you asked, stepping around Jen. You had said you were going to start facing your problems. You said you were done hiding behind walls. Well, that included the wall that was Jen. As much as you appreciated your friend, you needed to start being an adult and adults handled their own shit. “I fucked up, I can admit that and you had every right to be pissed off at me but what you did last night was really shitty and just fucking low. We’re done. You’ve made that perfectly clear so I don’t see what you could possibly have to say to me.”

“Princess, I was drunk,” he stammered. “I was completely fucked up. I shouldn’t have even walked into that bar. Gareth and Jeff, they tried to stop me. I should have listened to them. I was a complete idiot. I just, I wanted you to hurt the way that I was hurting.”

“Well, bask in your success, Eddie. You accomplished your goal,” you hissed at him, throwing your arms wide. 

“I didn’t mean to do that. I never would have done that if I’d been sober,” he said. “I…it didn’t mean anything.”

“Yes it did Eddie,” you said. “It means that you are exactly the kind of guy I said you were the first time we met! You are just like Sebastian and every other guy who thinks they’re a rockstar and that gives them carte blanche to fuck with people and do whatever the hell they want. You were done with me so you moved on to the next willing participant and then enjoyed rubbing it in my face. I fucked up but what you did was unforgivable. I told you then, I don’t want anything to do with guys like that so get the hell away from my apartment and stay the hell out of my life!”

“Princess…” he whispered but you just walked past him, Jen following, and into your building. 

You stormed up the stairs, stomping every step and into your apartment. Goddamn him. You had been in such a good mood and then he had to show up and destroy your whole day. His face, shit, if you didn’t know any better, you would think he was hurting as much as you were. He looked so sad and so tired, but that was probably just hungover from too much beer and too much sex.

“You okay?” Jen asked, pulling you in for a side hug.

“Yeah,” you nodded. “I’m fine. I said what I needed to say. I don’t even know why he bothered coming here. He obviously moved on. I don’t need his damn apologies because he’s probably just trying to ease his guilty conscience and that’s not my problem.”

“You’re right. He’s probably just trying to make himself feel better because he knows he was an asshole. Screw that. He wants to move on and fuck other girls, have at it but he didn’t need to rub it in your face.”

Jen moved over to the window, pushing the blinds back and looking down. 

“Shit, he’s still sitting out there.”

“What?” you asked, walking over to look.

Sure enough, Eddie was still out there, sitting on their steps, his head in his hands. You watched him, wondering what the hell he was doing. After a few minutes, he stood up and walked to his bike, his head hanging low. He glanced up toward your window and you dropped the blinds quickly, hoping he hadn’t seen you watching. 

“Is he gone?” Jen asked.

“Yeah,” you replied, shocked at how awful that made you feel. 

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[ashleyh713fanfics]

Dazai X Odasaku!Sister Ch9

Chapter 9: "You Are Not A Good Man"

Summary: Dazai fights between the darkness of what he has always known and what Odasaku wanted for him. Oda's sister finally meets Chuuya, our favorite angry ginger.

Warning: pm! fifteen year old dazai, Dazai self destructing, Odasaku death mentions, Dazai torturing himself and everyone around him, manipulative behavior from both sides, Mori mentions and grooming themes, underage drinking, talks of suicide, pm! fiftten year old Chuuya being a good boy. I gave Oda's sister a name but you can imagine it as y/n.

(This is chapter nine of my fanfic "Timeless" which is now on A03. It carries on from the three part intro I posted a couple days ago. I'll link it below to fully understand the story. Oda's death has been moved up to when Dazai is fifteen for plot purposes. Asagao's ability is to stop time for up to six seconds.)

Three Part Intro Here: (just cause the first chapter is so long)

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

A03 Version Here:

Word count: 7k total

Moving down the familiar port mafia base, Dazai shoved his hands inside his pocket begrudgingly, his feet shuffling as he thought about the annoying conversation he was probably going to have. 

Yet the one thing that occupied his mind the most was the red haired dork he had left behind. 

And yeah, the last thing he probably should’ve done was leave Oda’s sister unattended in a port mafia owned building, knowing that she had a habit of not following directions and staying put. She had run away from Ango three weeks ago after all, what was to stop her from doing the same thing here?

It was no secret that she liked to cause trouble, in more ways than one.

But unlike the agent, Dazai didn’t underestimate her. Yes, leaving her alone wasn’t preferable but he also knew that she was fully capable of handling herself if someone did decide to step out of line and mess with her. Hell, she could probably outsmart and kick the asses of every incompetent subordinate in the building if she wanted. 

The truth was, she didn’t need his protection, not in the way that Ango thought she did. Asagao was calculating when she wanted to be, even if she was limited by the effects of alcohol currently. She was still a force to be reckoned with and the boy wasn’t worried in the slightest at the fact that he had just left her in a den of wolves. 

And in some sort of way, the boy looked at this little opportunity as a kind of test, wanting to see just how the girl would react to his way of life. Most people wouldn’t have been able to handle his port mafia lifestyle but Asagao, he knew that she could.

And not only that, he knew that she could thrive in it if given the opportunity. 

Was it wrong to think that though? Was it fucked up to hope that she would be in danger while he was gone just so he could see the full extend of her capabilities? That was probably not something a good person was supposed to do, but what could he say? The situation was too perfect to pass up. 

Humming to himself at the thought, Dazai then frowned at the shift in air only to vaguely feel a burst of air approach from his left, causing the boy to quickly duck in order to just merely miss a kick in his direction. “You piece of shit, there you are! I’m gonna kill you!” 

Already groaning at the sound of his voice, the brown haired mafioso simply closed his eyes before turning in order to meet a very familiar head of ginger

Ah, right on cue. “Aww Chuuuuya, did you miss me that much? And thanks for the offer but dying by your hand doesn’t really interest me at all.” 

Watching Chuuya shake his head in exasperation, the boy grumbled back, clearly bursting at the seams from unkempt anger the entire day. “Shut up! You left me alone to take down those losers by myself. Do you know how outnumbered I was because you decided to ditch?!” 

Dazai only raised an eye though, mocking his pathetic partners immediately.. “Oh boo hoo, I thought the famous gravity manipulator could handle a few measly thugs, but it looks like you are more incompetent than I thought if you’re complaining about this much. Pity, I thought you were at least a little useful to me..” 

The boy then shrugged his shoulders only for his partners to immediately wrap his gloved hand around Dazai’s jacket in order to shake him around as usual. “Screw you, I did take down all those idiots by myself! They didn’t stand a chance!”  

Dazai then replied halfheartedly, his finger in his ears in order to block out the ringing from Chuuya’s shouting. “Then what’s the problem? The job was done, wasn’t it? Unless you just like yelling to hear yourself talk?” 

That only seemed to make the hot headed mafioso even more angry though, his fingers tightening on his partner's jacket before yelling even louder than before. “The problem is that you ditched for nothing just to make me look like an idiot!” 

Scoffing in response, Dazai smirked. “Oh Chuuya, you don't need my help for that, you do that to yourself..” 

Then the bandaged boy simply lifted his hands out in defense before smiling in wistful memory of today's events. “And if you must know, I was very busy. I told you, I promised a lovely young lady a good time. What kind of man would I be to deny such a wonderful request?” 

Dazai then thought back to the adorably drunk Asagao that was waiting for him back at his apartment. And though he loved pissing off Chuuya, tonight this was the last place he wanted to be. 

Closing his eyes in exasperation, Chuuya then caught the silence in his idiot partner's gloat before forcing himself to let go of the boy with a grumble.  “Listen, I don’t care about what kind of fucked up disgusting shit you do in your free time or what kind of brain damaged girls you manipulate for your own selfish whims. Just know that if you pull that shit again, you’re gonna regret it.” 

Dazai only raised an eye in amusement though. Calling Asagao brain damaged, what a way with words he had. It’s like he was implying that he was forcing her to date him. If only Chuuya knew just how wrong he was, about how opposite he had everything.

How would he react to knowing that Asagao was the one who pushed him into this relationship? That for once, it wasn’t the demon that had made the contract but rather the angel. 

So much so, the mafioso felt his lips curve upwards before a short chuckle escaped his lips at the idea, causing Chuuya’s head to turn in angry confusion. “What? What the hell are you laughing about, mackerel? What’s so damn funny?” 

Shrugging his shoulders in response, the boy then forced his lips closed before shaking the thought away. Nah, this slug didn’t deserve to know about her, at least not yet. “Oooh it’s nothing. But really, you’re so scary Chuuuya. I’m practically shaking from fear..” 

Then all at once, he watched the red haired kid start to get wound up again, his words practically seething through his teeth in order to point a finger in his direction. “I mean it, dickhead! I’m watching you..” 

Dazai only rolled his eyes though, responding in a millisecond. “How can you watch anything? You can't even see that high..” 

And just like that, the momentary calm was broken as Dazai watched Chuuya’s control completely snap, much to his satisfaction. “Fucking basard..!” 

Yet that’s when a new voice seemed to enter the space, stunning the two bickering children immediately as he strolled up behind them rather unbothered. “Dazai, there you are.” 

Widening his eyes, Chuuya then turned to the voice before immediately falling to his knees in a sign of respect as Dazai simply remained silent. “Boss..” 

Mori simply nodded his head in return, unbothered by the bickering he had just witnessed. “Ah, Chuuya, you’re here too. Seems like you two are just as explosive as ever.” 

Crossing his arms over his chest in a huff, Dazai frowned, knowing that the reason he was stuck with this little brat was because of the boss in the first place. “It’s your fault for making me deal with something so unpleasant all the time.” 

The port mafia boss didn’t seem bothered in the slightest thought, his lips giving a cruel short chuckle before seemingly getting right to business. “Yes, well I suppose you’re right. Now Chuuya, if you would excuse us. I must speak to Dazai alone.” 

Almost immediately, Chuuya responded, his body snapping back up before giving another small bow of his head in response. Whatever the boss wanted, he would gladly do. 

Besides, it finally got him away from the bandaged bane of his existence, and that was a blessing in itself. “Yes boss, of course..” 

The boy then turned around only for Dazai’s mocking gaze to follow his steps before calling back to him all at once, almost like he wanted the last victory. “See you, Chuuuuya. Maybe the next time we meet you’ll be able to reach the top shelf! I highly doubt it though, petite mafia!” 

All at once, Chuuya felt his eyes twitch, his fingers curving through the leather of his gloves in order to force his feet to continue to move and obey their boss’s wishes. But that didn’t stop him from muttering cruel obscenities inside his head all the same. 

Stupid annoying little prick, picking on my size like that. He’s lucky the boss is here or else he’d be dead! God, I hate him so fucking much!! Why did I have to be stuck with a guy like him?! 

And even though his threats were unsaid, Dazai still gained a sense of satisfaction from them, his lips twisting into silent victory as he watched his favorite little toy stomp away. 

------

Mori led the boy straight to his office as Dazai watched him descend into his usual chair, virtually unbothered in order to turn towards his favorite little executive with his usual calm and collected smile. “Now Dazai, could you please share with me why you were absent from the job I assigned to you and Chuuya today?” 

And although his smile was seemingly unbothered, Dazai sensed the threatening aura that always laid beneath. Too bad for him though, the boy was never shaken by his attempts of intimation.

Because of that, Dazai simply shrugged his shoulders, his own lips showing hidden intent, like he was up for the challenge. “Easy, cause it was boring and I didn’t wanna.” 

The port mafia boss only frowned though, his expression dropping to a disappointed pout in order to lace his fingers under his chin. 

Perhaps to anyone else his response would’ve been seen as unacceptable, but Mori already knew Dazai’s cruel mannerisms like the back of his hand. “Now that’s not very nice. I thought we had an understanding between each other when I offered you the executive position.” 

His voice came out scolding, like you would do to an unruly child but the executive knew better to take his words at face value and think it was that simple. Nothing about Mori was simple after all, he had learned that the day they had first met. 

Because of that, the bandaged menace called him out on it, Dazai’s fingers crossing around his own arms with a huff. “Oh please, we both know the real reason why you offered me that job. It was so you could keep an eye on me and protect your dirty little secret.” 

And for a moment, Mori paused, seemingly taking in his answer before his fingers dropped from his chin with a simple nod. “Right you are, Dazai. You are the only one that knows the truth after all. That I killed the precious boss and took his place.” 

Normally the man wouldn’t have ever admitted such a thing but he knew it was pointless to continue the charade, especially since it was Dazai that had figured out his true intentions long ago. 

Why he had given him the position of executive, why he held the boy so highly, it wasn’t without reason. 

Dazai only nodded back though, his eyes rolling in exasperation. “And I’m your accomplice for it all, I was the only witness to the previous boss’s demise.  I know I know. I get it already. If you’re really that worried about it then you should just silence me permanently and get it over with.”  

It was something that had tied the two together long ago. Dazai could still remember it like it was yesterday, the day his tiny little eyes accidentally caught the sharp metal scalpel as it slid across the previous port mafia boss’s throat. 

After the event it was concluded that the old boss’s will was for Mori to take over but only he and Mori knew the truth, that the doctor had lied to the entire place in order to take the boss’s position. 

And since that day Mori had regarded the two of them as partners in crime, always reminding the boy of his place in all of this over and over again like a broken record.

It was almost like he was worried that Dazai would ruin everything with just the slip of a tongue. Instead he used that little secret to try and tie him down to his side. 

Mori simply waved the idea away though, almost like he had already read the boy’s mind. “Don’t be silly. There would be no benefit to kill you like that. If I really wanted you dead then it would already be done. I’ve already stopped multiple of your suicide attempts in the past year, I’m not going to let all that taxing work go to waste.” 

You see, that was one thing the port mafia boss had figured out fairly quickly. For as much as he wanted all the loose ends of his little evil deed erased, the man knew it wasn’t that simple.

In a sick way, he needed Dazai, he needed him to keep their little lie going because with the boy gone, the old boss’s members would suspect him of the murder. 

But that was easier said than done. When he had proposed his little plan Mori thought he was tying himself to a sad pathetic weak and stupid suicidal kid that he could manipulate to his own hand. 

Yet almost instantly the doctor realized he had made a mistake, a grave miscalculation on his part. 

For you see, Mori had learned very quickly that a monster like Dazai couldn’t be tied down. He couldn’t be manipulated as easily as he first thought. And now by putting himself in this deal he had also undoubtedly tied himself to an evil even he himself couldn’t predict. 

But then again, that also made everything all the more enticing. 

Dazai only pouted his lips though, not liking his annoying response. He knew that the guy had stopped his fair share of attempts and the boy still wasn’t happy about it. “Boo. You’re no fun, Mori.” 

Mori waved his childish manner away though, his eyes planning in clear calculation in order to go for the nearby teapot that was just out of reach. “Everything I’ve done has been for the benefit of this organization. I will always do what I think is best for the port mafia, and that includes the assassination of the precious boss. A change of power was necessary, and when the time comes for another change, I will allow the transition wholeheartedly.”

The bandaged boy then watched as the boss tipped over the pot into his cup as Dazai truly thought about the meaning of his words. Was he saying what he thought he was? Was the guy really that dedicated to the mafia? 

Narrowing his eyes, the boy questioned curiously. “So you’re saying that you’ll allow someone to murder you in cold blood and take your position just like you did with the old boss?”

It was an interesting idea, being aware of your own humanity and your own imminent demise. Was that how Mori lived his life, knowing it was a fleeting moment, that he was just a small chess piece in the grand scheme of the port mafia’s legacy?

Mori then closed his eyes, thinking about Dazai’s accusation before simply putting the teapot down onto the table in order to turn back towards the clueless boy with a knowing look. “Precisely. But only if it is someone worthy enough to do so. Everything has a time and a place, and when that moment arrives, my executioner will be hand picked by my own design.” 

The air was silent then but the boy could feel his skin prick with devious unknown intent as Mori stared through Dazai’s nonexistent soul for what seemed like forever.

 And though the kid was curious about his plan in all of this, the only thing that could stick in his mind was one perplexing thing. For someone so against suicide, you sure have thought a lot about your own death. What a hypocrite you are, old man. 

Yet before he could truly stew on the matter, Mori waved the idea away in order to change the subject completely, or so the boy thought at the time. “Now, onto other matters. How are you holding up? I’m sure Oda Sakunosuke’s tragic death has taken quite a toll on you. It truly was an unfortunate event after all.” 

At the sound of Oda’s name, Dazai then felt his entire body tense without permission, the words dying in his own throat all at once. Just the mere mention of his old friend was enough to make him internally unravel. 

And he suspected that was the point, that’s why Mori had brought him up. To gain a reaction, to put him in his place and take control of the conversation for the first time since their meeting. Dazai hated it, he hated the kind of power anyone had on him with just one simple name. 

So much so, the kid’s words came out bitter, not wanting to talk about this. “Why does it even matter to you? You don’t care that he’s gone. He was a low level lackey in the port mafia. Odasaku had no value to you.” 

Dazai knew that was the truth, Mori didn’t care. Because of Odasaku’s morals and his refusal to kill, his position in the mafia was bottom tier at best. He was the equivalent to an errant dog, doing odd jobs here and there. He meant nothing to the organization and therefore he meant nothing to Mori. 

That’s right, the boss was only bringing him up to get under Dazai’s skin, to make him squirm and act out. There was no other reason for it then to shove his own weakness straight into his face. 

Mori took the boy’s reply with a collective air though, almost like he knew the kind of response he would get. “That may be true, but he certainly had value to you, did he not?” 

And he did, to the boy, Odasaku was the most valuable person and thing to have ever existed. He was the closest thing to a friend or a family he had ever had. No one would be able to understand that, not even Oda’s own little sister. 

Feeling his own lips screw shut in order to hide an emotional reply, Dazai shoved his hands into his pockets with silent despair. He didn’t want to pour his non-existent heart out to Mori but he also didn’t want to lie and tell the man that Odasaku was insignificant. 

Because he wasn’t, he would never be. 

Mori eyed the reaction silently as well, his expression unchanging before finally looking away from the boy in order to stare down in silent thought. “I must say, you are taking everything quite well, better than I expected.”

There was something different in the man’s tone then, something that Dazai couldn’t quite pick out. It was like there was something else laced in that sentence, something that sounded like..disappointment? 

But why would Mori be disappointed in his reaction to all of this? 

Wanting to dig deeper, Dazai frowned. “And what did you expect?”

Mori then snapped his gaze back up before speaking distantly, like he was listing off some sort of checklist in his mind. “I expected that I’d be saving you from another suicide attempt, that I’d find you in some sort of ditch alone and broken beyond belief. That’s usually how people grieve the deaths of important friends and family.”

And for a moment, Dazai paused. Was that what he was supposed to be doing? Was that the proper response to grieve someone’s death? He didn’t know, considering the boy wasn’t anything resembling normal. 

He was already broken beyond belief though, even before Odasaku’s death. He had always been a sad amalgamation of what he should’ve been. How could you break what was already broken? How could the shattered be even more shattered? Perhaps it wasn’t possible. 

Perhaps he was too numb to feel any of that. 

But even Dazai knew that was a lie, that for a split second while holding his best friend’s dying body he had felt something. It had been what Mori had described for a split second. Grief, devastation, self-destruction, they twisted into him even more than before. 

He felt the painstaking loneliness stuck to his skin whenever he tried to move around Odasaku’s apartment, he felt the numb pointless burn of the alcohol when he only poured one drink instead of two. Such human emotions, in those small moments Dazai knew what they were, even if he didn't want to admit it. 

Yet if that was the case, why hadn’t he crumbled under it all? Why wasn’t his body succumbing to the pain of the loss? That’s what Mori expected, that’s what should’ve been the logical conclusion. Why hadn’t he given up all together and tried to kill himself again? 

Then all at once, the boy had his answer. 

Asagao. 

Oda’s little sister, she was the reason he was just barely hanging on these last few weeks. She had fed him letters, memories and moments that were so new to the boy that it felt like Odasaku hadn’t disappeared from this world entirely. 

Whether on purpose or not, she had given delusions to keep going, to wake up just in order to read another entry from his best friend’s fingers. Those letters, they meant everything to him. They were his lifeline, the boy depending on them just like Asagao did for her entire life. 

And yes they were fleeting, they were just temporary spells in the end. He knew that, he knew that one day there would be no more words to read and Dazai would have to face that. 

But not today, he didn’t have to do that today. 

He wondered if she knew that, if she knew just how important Odasaku’s writing was to him? That they were just barely keeping him afloat even now? 

And Asagao also, just her very presence filled a void that Dazai thought would never be filled again. Her living, breathing body, her tangible touchable skin, they filled his grief filled soul with a shaky wavering peace he knew wouldn’t last. 

She wasn’t the real thing, but she was close enough to Odasaku for him to keep trying.  To be a good man, a good person. That’s what both siblings wished, what they believed for him. 

And he wanted to do that, for them. 

Just then, Dazai’s internal thoughts were shattered as he heard Mori’s soft chuckle, the sound filling up the entire room in order for the man to sigh. “Then again, it should be expected that your reaction to grief and death would be different, considering you have always been different, Dazai.”

Not fully understanding, the boy then allowed him to continue, his voice coming out in a cruel edge. “Anyone else would look at you and see a child but you and I both know that’s never been the truth, not really. Not after all the blood and death you’ve shed over the years. Such an innocent yet simple term could never fit you.” 

Sure, by looks and hypotheticals Dazai was a fifteen year old boy but Mori knew that was no excuse to underestimate him. The boy was young, yes, but he had already seen far more evil and monstrosities than an old man. Each experience had twisted and changed him into something more complex than just a sniveling child.  

And Dazai agreed in a sense. He knew he wasn’t normal, he wasn’t like the happy and carefree Odasaku or Asagao. He never fit inside that box but in those moments with them the boy liked to pretend, to wish for another outcome then just the demon that resided in his heart.

This hopeful and trying side of him that he had displayed tonight with Asa, that wasn’t like him. He had never tried to be kind before, to give anyone anything like he had given her Bar Lupin.

And though it was selfish, Asa told him that it didn’t matter. That just the very act of trying was enough for her. It was so tiny so minuscule and yet Dazai wondered if that was truly enough? Could he really honor Oda like this? He wasn’t sure. 

But the fact that he hadn’t completely disregarded the idea, that he hadn’t given up yet was new. It felt almost human in a way, his desire to keep going and prove to Odasaku and Asagao that their words about him being a good man could be true.

He would pretend, he would imagine himself as something more than a monster. 

And maybe if he pretended hard enough, then someday it could be real. 

Realizing he needed to say something, Dazai then turned his head, curious to hear what a man like Mori would have to say on the topic. “If I’m not a kid than what am I?”

The boss had his answer immediately, seemingly countering the boy’s delusions with sharp truth. “Why, the demon prodigy of course. It’s what you've always been. Anyone else would be foolish to think otherwise.” 

It was like he was calling Dazai out with his words, like he was trying to shut down his silly little “pretending plan” but even still, the executive couldn’t abandon it. He didn’t want Mori to be right in any sense, but especially for this. 

Leaning back into his chair, Mori then smiled once more, the corners not reaching to the edge of his face before carrying on his thoughts. “Speaking of which, I’m in need of your help. Chuuya successfully completed today’s raid and we were able to capture one of their colleagues. The thing is, it seems like he needs a little more..persuasion..to tell us the rest of his plans..” 

Dazai knew what he meant immediately. Torture. He wanted him to be the demon prodigy and torture this guy for information.

And normally he would’ve jumped at the chance to play around with some pathetic enemies but Asagao was still waiting for him and he knew this job wasn’t going to be an easy one. “I see, and you want me to do it?”

Mori only nodded his head though, pushing his fingers back under his chin with a hum.“Think of it as your makeup assignment for missing the mission.”

Oh, so that’s how he was playing it. He was blackmailing him for missing that stupid boring raid by asking this. And Dazai knew that if he refused then Mori probably would look into the reason on why he missed the raid in the first place. 

And that would lead him back to the pretty little redhead that was in his apartment right now. Long story short, if he didn’t do this job, then there was a risk that Odasaku’s sister would be found out. 

He was giving him this option as a way out, as an alternative instead of digging into his life. And though the boy wanted so badly to counteract his little game, the risk was too great. Oda would be horrified if Asagao ended up in the port mafia.

Because of that, Dazai simply took his hands out of his pockets before smiling back in challenge, just to push his buttons. He couldn’t be too eager about this either, or else it would raise suspicion. “And if I say I don’t wanna?” 

Mori seemed to find amusement in the question though, his eyes narrowing in victory before reading his favorite port mafia executive immediately.

 “Oh, I think we both know that’s a lie.”

-----

Stomping his feet in pure lingering frustration, Chuuya made his way back to his place, still muttering under his breath because of the dipshit encounter with his least favorite person in the entire world. Fucking Dazai, always putting him a bad mood like this. 

What was that guy's problem anyways, always pissing him off like this? It’s like he enjoyed it or some shit. Hell, he probably did, that little asshole would. 

Thinking back to their unpleasant conversation, the boy then turned the corner before shaking his head with a new list of obscenities. 

Just what was that guy saying anyways? There was no way he was out with a girl all this time. What kind of brain dead freak would ever hang out with him anyways? Nah, he was bullshitting him, he had to be. 

Chuuya then turned back around in order to put his arms up in a huff only to feel his hand connect with something solid on accident as a small female groan was heard to his left. What the hell was that?

Yet that’s when the boy’s eyes widened as he caught the sight of a hunched over figure in front of him, the strangers hands covering their face as Chuuya felt his stomach dropped in guilt. Ah, shit, when did she get there!? He didn’t mean to hit her like that! 

Panicking almost immediately, Chuuya hunched over, his hands moving in all sorts of directions before speaking at a million miles a minute. “S-Shit, are you okay? You came out of nowhere. I didn’t see you.” 

The mystery girl only waved her only free hand away though, seemingly unbothered that the ginger had almost knocked her out. “It’s okay, don’t worry about it. This happens a lot..” 

At that, Chuuya felt him raise an eye. “You getting hit in the face happens a lot?” 

 What the hell did that even mean? Why wasn’t this chick yelling at him like he deserved? He had just hit her, unintentionally or not he was still in the wrong. 

She only seemed to laugh though, finding humor in the sentence in order to lower her hand a little bit so he could see her large round framed glasses on her face. “Yeah ha ha..I don’t have the best eyesight…” 

And though the glasses were surprising, it didn’t change the facts. The way she was still holding her face was concerning itself. “Still, it’s my fault. I wasn’t looking where I was going. Are you sure you’re okay?” 

That’s when the girl simply nodded her head in order to put her hands out in defense with a goofy little smile of reassurance.“Yeah, of course. Look, I’m perfectly fine! No need to worry!” 

 Yet just as soon as she said that, Chuuya watched a thin line of blood trail down from her nose in response, his eyes hollowing in horror as she simply touched the sight with a nervous laugh. “Ah..ha ha..would you look at that..” 

All at once, alarm bells started to go off in the boy’s head, running through every horrible possibility. He did hit her pretty hard, what if he broke her nose or gave her a concussion? Oh, he hoped not. Then he’d feel even worse than before!

Reaching his hands forward, Chuuya’s fingers then swept under the blood in a panic, ridding himself from the sight only for more to take its place. Oh, this was bad. “Ah, damn it. You’re bleeding!” 

The glasses girl only shrugged though, still giving him that goofy unbothered smile in order to reply softly. “Just a little, it’s..” 

Yet Chuuya was done hearing her downplay the situation, the boy simply grabbing onto her hand in order to pull her off the ground with a frustrated huff. “Is your brain broken? Come here already..!” 

With the way she was acting he was sure that she had a concussion of some kind. No one would ever act this calm about this mistake, especially here in a port mafia owned building. 

Dragging her over to the lobby bathroom, Chuuya quickly threw open the door before pointing to the fancy plush waiting area sofa with hastily command. “Sit.” 

She complied a second later with the boy practically pushing her shoulders down in a rush only for her to put her hands up in reply. “Hey, I promise. I swear I’m okay. You don’t have to..” 

Yet that’s when her words were cut off immediately by Chuuya’s hand, his thumb and forefingers latching against her nostrils in order to make her dip towards him with annoyance. “Lean forward and don’t move. The bleeding should stop in fifteen minutes or so.” 

It was a trick he had learned from an early age while in the sheep. A lot of the younger members would get nosebleeds fairly easily so this was basically secondhand nature to the boy. 

And it seemed like the mystery girl knew that as well, her voice coming out rather nasally and strange considering his hold on her. “You’re really nice.” 

Chuuya couldn't help but scoff though. “Did you forget that I caused all this?” 

She only pouted her lips in response though, not at all bothered by the truth. “You didn’t mean to though. You said it yourself. Besides, it’s kind of my fault too. I’m not the best with new places. It was bound to happen.” 

Shaking his head in exasperation for her answer, the boy then caught something else in her sentence. “Speaking of which, who are you? You port mafia?” 

He had never met this girl before after all, and though he was fairly new to the port mafia himself he knew he would’ve remembered her. She was too odd not to. 

And not only that, she seemed way too nice to be in a dark place like this. A little naive and stupid also. Definitely not good traits to have in the mafia. Which either meant she was new or she didn’t belong here at all. 

A moment later, he had his answer, the girl giggling to herself in a cutesy manner before smiling back. “Me? Oh no, not at all. I’m just visiting Osu.”

And because she didn’t use Dazai’s last name, Chuuya had no idea who that was, his head lifting in confusion. “....Osu?” 

She then attempted to nod under his fingers, beaming with child-like excitement. “Yeah! I’m gonna surprise him with a sleepover! Ah, I really hope he likes it. I want to make him just as happy as he makes me.” 

Her feet then began to kick happily underneath him with hidden joy as Chuuya couldn’t help but wonder who this guy really was. Sleepovers seemed kind of childish for the port mafia but then again she seemed so happy about it. He hoped it went well for her. 

Feeling her tilt her head up without permission, the red haired girl then added.  “And what about you Mr. Ginger? I take it that you're port mafia.” 

It was a conclusion that was fairly obvious given the place that they were in. So much so, Chuuya barely gave much thought to her clever deduction in order to latch his fingers even tighter around her nose in order to pull her head back down.  “Yeah I am, so you better listen to me and quit moving or else..” 

She took in his threat immediately before another apologetic smile crossed her fingers. This guy was really serious, huh? “Okay okay sorry.” 

Then all at once, Chuuya felt his shoulders relax, the anger dissipating only for that same heavy guilt to sink in. “I’m sorry too, for hittin you like this. I wasn’t thinking straight.” 

This girl wasn’t even a port mafia, she was just some guy's girlfriend or something. She had probably never even seen blood in her life and he had done something so horrible to her. A thousand apologies would never be enough. 

She only batted her eyes though, still not angry or spiteful in the slightest. “What were you thinking about?” 

Almost immediately, her words brought back the annoyances of the night, Chuuya still hearing Dazai’s ear grating insults in his ears. “Just an annoying bandaged dumb ass I have to work with. He pisses me off, that’s all.” 

What Chuuya didn’t notice though, was the way Asagao perked up at the sound of his description, her voice coming out rather curious and coaxing. “Bandaged dumb ass?” 

Nodding his head in fury, Chuuya then grumbled to himself before forcing the distaste down his throat. “Yeah, but it’s not something you gotta worry about. That guys not worth anyone's time, especially yours.” 

God, he knew that Dazai would’ve eaten this poor girl alive if he was here. She was too good for everyone in this place but especially for a monster like him. He would crush her innocent little soul into nothing. 

If only he knew, right? 

But naive little Chuuya didn’t know, his lips fixed into a frown only for the female stranger to say something rather out of pocket. “Sounds like you two are close..” 

Close? What kind of joke was that? Yeah, the boy guessed he was close to Dazai in some capacity but not any he wanted to be. They were partners, forced to be stuck together. That’s it. Just what was this girl saying, what was she inferring from his words? 

She didn’t think that two were…friends…right?

Because that was disgusting. 

And he wanted her to know that. “Close?! You gotta be fucking kidding me, I hate that guy. I’m just forced to work with him, that's all. Calling me a dog all the damn time.” 

Seriously, just what was this girl thinking? The day he actually became close to a guy like Dazai would be his last fucking day of earth. 

Yet there was something in his sentence, something at the end that caused Asagao’s head to tilt back up against his hand as her lips parted open in some sort of delicious realization. Oh, so this is your dog, Samu. I can see why you love him.

And for a moment, Chuuya paused, sensing something different in the air. 

Just why was this innocent girl looking at him so deviously, like a predator finding a new prey? It kind of creeped him out, like a horrible case of deja vu. “Why are you looking at me like that?” 

Yet just as quickly as it appeared, it disappeared, the girl’s head tilting back down in order to kick her legs back and forth with some sort of hidden delight. “Oooh nothing. Just thinking, that’s all.” 

The way she said that, it sounded so similar to Dazai that he couldn’t help but cringe, pushing his fingers away from her nose all at once.

But that was silly, that bastard was just getting in his head. The two couldn't be alike. She was too nice to be that twisted. 

Shaking the idea away, the ginger haired boy then took a step back before running his hands under the sink next to him with a huff. “Right..well that should be good enough for now. When you get back to Osu or whatever, make sure he takes care of you.” 

Then he watched as the red haired girl seemingly hopped to her feet before giving him a small smile in return. “Thanks..” 

Her tone was open ended, like she was looking for his name. And because he didn’t see the harm in it, the boy compiled. “Chuuya.” 

Nodding once, the girl then pulled her hand out of her pocket for him to shake before repeating the gesture. “Asagao.” 

He took her hand reluctantly, shaking back and forth before the two kids made their way out of the bathroom only for Chuuya’s head to ring with concern. She wasn’t seriously going to wander around by herself, right? That was a horrible idea. 

Pushing his hand to her shoulder, the boy then reeled her back in question. “You know, this isn’t the kind place you should be walking around alone..” 

Yet the girl simply put her hand up before laughing at his worry, almost like the thought hadn’t crossed her mind. “Oh, it’s okay! I’m not alone, I’ve been getting some help. And here they are now. Did you find everything I asked for boys?” 

Then Asa simply lifted her hand up before waving a group of scary suited men over to her, their hands full of various pillows, snacks and other items that Chuuya assumed were for her supposed “sleepover” plan.  “Yes miss.” 

He couldn’t help but gawk at the sight though, seeing the small cute girl sandwich herself between them before patting their shoulders without a care in a world. “Perfect, now let’s go! We don’t have much time.” 

Just who was this girl? And how had she commanded this group of mafia guys to do her bidding? There was no way, right? 

Yet before he could come up with an answer he heard Asagao call back to him, her hand waving as she beamed joyfully from a distance. “Thanks again Chu Chu!” 

Almost immediately he felt his lips twist in annoyance for the nickname, knowing that’s not what he said when he introduced himself. “That’s not..”

Although before he could finish the sentence, she was gone, leaving him to wonder just what kind of hurricane he had unknowingly got himself into. 

“...my name..” 

-----

Feeling his own feet carry him down the dingy steps, Dazai soon found himself back in the port mafia basement, his fingers lingering over the knives in order for his dull lifeless eyes to pick up the blade like a cruel cold welcome. 

He had picked up these weapons hundreds of times before and this was no different. It was like muscle memory at this point and the boy fully knew what was coming next. 

Dazai then seemingly slipped into his own internal thoughts, the warm lights of Bar Lupin and the soft blush that crossed Asagao’s face just a few hours prior. Such things were so lively, so real that he had almost forgotten the damp lonely feeling of where he originated from. 

In Odasaku’s apartment, in the presence of Asagao he could block out the evil inside him, he could ignore the pull to destroy and to trample, but not here. Just by the shift of the air he knew that here there could only be darkness and corruption.  

He couldn’t be a good man here, it was impossible to be. 

But perhaps that was the point, that’s why Mori had brought him here. Because he was getting too comfortable, he was beginning to delude himself from reality. He had told himself that he could change, that he could be more than a monster. 

And the boy still wanted that to be true, for Odasaku and Asagao both. 

Pushing open the rushy hinges, Dazai then made his way to the shackled prisoner before him in order to immediately dig his knife into the man’s shoulder and twist and blade in muscle memory as he cried out in agony. 

And as he felt the familiar sickening joy course through every single one of his muscles, the boy knew that it was wrong. That he shouldn’t have felt such satisfaction in making this man squirm. That’s not what a good person was supposed to do. 

Yet he did, his body, his fingers, his muscles all twitched in satisfaction with the only thing that had accompanied him since he was a child. It was familiar, pulling him further away from his original goals by the second. 

Simply because this was what this fucked up world had made him to be. 

That’s right, he was the demon prodigy, he was shaped and misformed to be this way, a perfect monster of the port mafia. If Asagao saw him then he would think so also. She would take back her belief in him.  

And though he tried to keep that fragile hope of change, with every stab and scream he physically felt it begin to slip away from him. This isn’t what Odasaku would’ve wanted, it’s not what Asagao thought he was..but this was all he had..

As a boy, as a child, Dazai was never given love, he never knew a gentle touch or a kind word. He didn’t grow up with normalcy or any sort of mundane. He went to bed with murder woke up with blood on his fingers and the sound of deafening screams.

Sometimes his own, sometimes not. But the fact remained clear as day even so..

This was what he was good at, whether Dazai liked it or not. 

And that only showed just how different he truly was to Oda’s precious little sister. The things that Asagao had lived through were great but she had gotten away where he couldn’t. She could see more than his pathetic little world. 

She was free where he would never be. 

Another stab, another trail of blood seeped across his fingers only for a dark mocking voice to fill his ears and drown out his victims screams, his own thoughts and guilt corrupting him to insanity.

You are dishonoring his memory. 

He knew that. He knew that so well, that by doing this, by torturing this guy he was going against everything that Odaskau wished for him. But he didn’t know any different, he couldn’t know any different. He wasn’t worth anything else but this. 

You are making his little sister's words useless. 

Damn it, he knew that also, okay?! A haunting memory, a foolish statement, that’s all it was. She called him a good man but what he was doing was in no way the truth. He knew she’d be disappointed like this, seeing him bathed in blood, torturing this man because of own inability to change. 

Fuck, he hated it, he hated himself for being so incompetent. 

What did she possibly see in him? Why did she call him precious? He wasn’t precious, he was a joke. A pathetic unfunny fucking joke. Didn’t she see how he was crumbling, how much of a failure he truly was?

Gritting his teeth against his own chaos, Dazai’s own demons tormented him once more.

You are not a good man. 

And as his bloodied knife raised into the air once more, the demon prodigy knew the truth, his mind screaming it like a death sentence. 

No, I’m not. I’m sorry.

#bsd dark era #bsd dazai #bungo stray dogs #bungou stray dogs dazai #dazai osamu #fanfic #bsd odasaku #dazai x fem reader #dazai x y/n #dazai x you #dazai bsd #dazai x reader #bsd #bungou stray dogs #nakahara chuuya #chuuya #dazai x female reader #dazai x odasaku!sister #bungo stray dogs odasaku #odasaku sakunosuke #chuuya fifteen #dazai fanfic #ao3 fanfic #ao3 writer #ao3 #ao3 link #pm dazai #pm chuuya

[emilyssky]

Chapter 6: Bitch, don’t kill my vibe.

PAIRING: Lee Know! X fem!reader

GENRE(S): college au, smut, angst

WARNINGS: Mentions of violence and abuse, depression, self harm, eating disorders etc.. mentions of blood, swearing, smoking, smut [ dirty talk, oral; giving and receiving, chocking, spanking, praising, degradation, pet names, sometimes Minho is a dick :)

SUMMARY: "Do you remember what you told me the first time we met?"  

"What?"

"You said; Always leave people a little better than you found them" he looked at the floor with a small smile for a few seconds and then his eyes found mine. "You really annoyed me when we first met. I envied your optimism and excitement for life. But each time I saw you, I felt a certain thrill. You made me angry, you made me laugh., you made me feel everything. Something about you made me feel a little more alive each time. I know I fucked up and I know I'm an asshole but I'm also brutally in love with you."    

Y/N's POV:

I wrap my jacket tighter around my body, stuffing my hands in my pockets. "I thought you said you don't smoke anymore."

Chan's lips tug into a smile while keeping the cigarette secure between his teeth. "I did." He circles his hand around the cigarette and lights it up. "But you know." He exhales a cloud of smoke. I tilt my head, focusing my eyes on him. He looks tired. His face seems pale and his eyes are red with dark circles under them. He stares at the cigarette, watching it slowly burn. He looks like a ghost.

"When’s the last time you slept?" I ask.

He puts his legs on the bench, bringing his knees closer to his chest, and rests his arms on them. "Wednesday." It's Friday night. "When was the last time you ate?" He questions back.

I take the cigarette out of his hand and bring it to my lips. "Thursday morning." I blow out the smoke.

"Your mother would not like that." He takes it back before I have the chance to take a second puff.

"Which one? Me not eating or me smoking?" I joke.

He doesn't laugh. "Both."

I know. "Well, my mom wouldn't be happy with you not sleeping. Or smoking."

He chuckles and throws his cigarette on the ground, lowering his foot to step on it. "Well, I guess we're both stupid pieces of shit that Miss Erica would be disappointed with ."

"Yeah." I giggle.

I didn't wanna go home after what happened with Minho in the dance studio. I couldn't cause that's all that I would be thinking about if I was alone in my room and that's something I can't have right now. Overthinking about boys who can't figure themselves out is not something I wanna get back into. I was also not in the mood to put a happy mask on and go out with my friends or worst heavy them with my problems. So I called Chan. Like I always do when I wanna be alone but not by myself. He's the person that knows me the best and the only person that I'm not ashamed to be around whenever I'm not doing good. He has seen me at my absolute worst. He has picked me up from the streets blacked out drunk, he has held my hair back when I was throwing up and he has helped me take a shower and get dressed when I couldn't even get out of bed. As much as I love all of my friends, Chan is the one who patiently sat there and helped me when I was crying over a bowl of pasta, he was the one who stayed with me until 3 am in the studio, recording me and helping me when I was practising. No matter what was going on in his life he always took me on night drives cause he knows that it helps me sleep and he always watched with me any show I was obsessed with at the time until the morning. He was always there for me and I always have been there for him. We only have one rule; Never lie to each other. I broke that rule a year ago.

"But it's different with you, you know my mom loves you. You're Jax's replacement and he was my mom's favourite." I bump my shoulder to his and feel him freeze.

"That was a bad one bro." He shakes his head and I break out in a laugh.

"I love how you're still not used to my dead family jokes."

"And never will be." His lips form a tight smile.

"My mom called me today."

"She called me too."

I scoff. "Of course."

"She wanted me to convince you to go to London with her and Will."

I roll my eyes. "God I love her but sometimes she really suffocates me. I'm 22 and she still treats me like a fucking baby." Chan takes a breath and turns his gaze to the floor. I know what he's thinking. "What? Say it."

"Come on now, Y/n." He turns to me. "First of all you really should be happy that you have a mother that actually cares." His eyes twitch with emotion and guilt starts creeping in. "And second, you're not taking care of yourself. How are you expecting her not to worry about you?" I drop my eyes to my shoes, knowing he's right and feeling like shit for the second time tonight.

I hear him sigh. "Fuck, I'm sorry." He wraps his hand around my shoulder, pulling me in. "I didn't mean to sound so harsh. I'm sorry."

"It's okay." I inch closer. "You were right anyway."

"I'm just stressed. I'm so fucking stressed with work, college, and the boys. Everything is just too much sometimes and I get discouraged. Like is this even worth it?" He questions out loud. "All of these boys put their dreams in my hands and this music thing might not even work out."

"Chan, it's not like that. I know that it's in your nature to take the leading role but just because you're their leader doesn't mean that their dreams are your responsibility. They chose to do this and trusted you to lead them into this. You're all in this together." Sometimes I feel like Chan holds the whole world's responsibility on his shoulders and at times like this, I try to remind him that it's okay to be taken care of once in a while.

"I don't know. I just- I really wanna do this, I really want us to make it."

"You guys haven't even finished college yet." I let out a small chuckle, trying to lighten up his mood. "You're working towards your goal and you're doing great."

"Thank you Y/n." He rests his head on mine. "I don't know what I would've done without you. You're the reason I'm working towards my dreams. If I hadn't met you I would probably be living in the street. " He finally lets his lips turn into a small smile.

I poke the little dimple that appears which causes him to smile wider. "No, thank you."

"I haven't done half of the shit you've done for me."

"You know that's not true." I pout. "You're my support system. I probably wouldn't be alive if it weren't for you."

He pushes me away slightly and I let out a laugh. "Shut up, oh my god."

"It was a joke."

He lifts himself up and looks down at me. "Come on" He offers me his hand.

I take it with no hesitation. "Where are we going?"

His smile reaches his eyes and he gives me a knowing look. "How about we go for a drive? Music up, windows down, and grab something to eat?"

I tighten my grip on his hand and take my bottom lip between my teeth, fighting the wave of anxiety that washes through me at his words. "I don't know Chan."

He lowers his face, his eyes staring at mine. "Please, just a little."

I know he's right and I feel a lot more comfortable eating when he's around anyway. "Okay."

"That's my girl." He pulls me under his arm and walks me to his car.                                 »»————-　　————-««

Minho's POV:

My knuckles are starting to burn but I keep punching the punching bag with all the power that my body can master right now. I punch and punch but as much as my body moves, the image of her won't shake from my head. It felt too real. She was so close that my body was burning and my mind became a mess, unable to think straight. She strips me of all the self-control that I've been building my whole life and confuses me to the point that I wanna bang my head against a fucking wall. Why her? Why now? My mind has been reaching for her all this time and now that I have her right in front of my face my body is unable to hold back. She's pulling me in and it's getting harder and harder to hold myself back. I fucking hate that. I hate how my mind decides to give people power over me. I don't want her. I want this feeling to be gone and I want to bury all these memories and thoughts of her. I throw one last punch and rest my head against the punching bag. The hurt in her eyes, seeing how much my words got to her gave me satisfaction, knowing that I have just a bit of power over her as well. She hated me more and more but the more anger that I forced out of her the more it drew me in. Fuck, I wanted to kiss her so bad. Even though I knew what that would do to me, I was ready to risk it all. I had her pushed against the glass, her body pressed against mine and I would have fucking devoured her. The switch in my brain came a bit late but came nevertheless. I bite the end of the glove with my teeth and pull it off, removing it and then taking the other one off as well. I push my hair backward, feeling little drops of sweat drip from the ends and down my forehead. I peel off my shirt and shorts as I walk towards the shower. I let the cold water wash over me, making my body freeze, forcing my heartbeat to slow down and I rest my head against the wall finally being able to breathe. It's a never-ending circle. It gets better until it doesn't. Everything's going too fast until it's going too slow and I'm tired of trying to keep everything under control.

I don't know how long I stayed under the shower. At some point, my limbs turned so numb that the cold water started to hurt my skin. I place the phone between my shoulder and my ear as I unlock my car.

"Hey," Chan answers after 2 rings.

"Where are you?" I immediately ask, throwing my bag on the backseat.

"People say hi first, Minho." He teases and I can't help but roll my eyes.

"Hey, Hi, hello." I pull out of the parking lot. "Where are you?"

"I'm still at the studio." Of course, he is. We sometimes tease Chan that he's a workaholic but jokes aside he actually is. "Where are you?" He asks back.

"I just left the gym, had to blow off some steam." I sigh. I picked up boxing last year and it has really helped me. Putting all my anger and frustration into punching the punching bag instead of someone's face has definitely kept me out of a lot of trouble. Chan's actually the one who gave me the idea. "Care to go for a drink?"

"A drink?" He chuckles. "I don't know man, I really have to finish this."

"Okay new plan," I make a turn, heading to the studio. "I bring the liquor to the studio, we get drunk, and write a super emotional song that's actually going to be a fucking hit one day."

"Okay done."

"Cool, I'll be there in 5," I say and hang up.

                                »»————-　　————-««

Y/N's POV:

It's Saturday morning, and though most college students would still be drunk, sleeping on the floor of someone else's apartment, or suffering from a terrible hangover, Chan's been in the studio since 8 a.m. He's been struggling with insomnia ever since I met him but lately, it's been getting really bad, he hasn't been sleeping at all, and trying to keep up with college and work has been taking a toll on him. I decided to pass by the studio before practice to bring him a coffee. The studio is quiet as expected on a Saturday morning. I knock 2 times before pushing the door open with my free hand. Chan's sitting in the chair in front of the table with all of his equipment, the recording racks, keyboards, and all of the shit that at one point I tried to learn what they do but failed. Jeongin and Jisung are sitting on the couch and Seungmin is sitting across them in the armchair with a black guitar on his thighs. All 3 of the boys' heads snap to the door.

"Hi" I smile at them.

"Hi kid" Han smiles back.

"Hi y/n" Jengin nods.

"I didn't know you guys would be here, I would have brought you all coffee." I pout.

"Oh, it's fine" Seungmin waves me off.

My eyes turn to Chan, who hasn't noticed my arrival due to the headphones that are covering his ears. I place our coffees on the table and go to stand behind him. I bend down a bit and wrap my arms around his shoulders. I feel him jerk a bit but as soon as his eyes recognize it's me, he breaks into a smile.

"What are you doing here? You scared me." He takes his headphones off and places the around his neck. I don't move, keeping my hands around him.

"I wanted to surprise you, I brought you coffee" I rest my chin on his shoulder. "As a thank you for the other night."

His hand comes up to my hair. "Awww!"

"Shut up" I release him and walk to the table in front of the guys to garb his coffee. When I turn to give it to him, my eyes lock with Minho's. He's inside the booth, probably recording. My stomach turns and I can almost hear my pulse quicken at the sight of him staring at me, his gaze piercing me. I force myself to take my eyes off him and back to Chan. Of course, he would be here, he's fucking everywhere.

"There you go" My lips turn into a forced smile.

"Thanks, babe" He takes the coffee from my hand. "Don't you have practice today? "

"Yeah, but it's fine I'll go later." I shrug.

"Okay, can you give me a second, I need to finish this with Minho." He says, putting his headphones back on.

I nod, grabbing my coffee and taking a seat beside Jeongin.

His head snaps to me. "Hi there"

"Hi" I lean closer. "What are you doing?"

"Just writing some lyrics"

"Are you guys still working on the same song?" I turn to Jisung.

He shakes his head. "No, we've finished that on one. Actually, Minho's recording the last of it right now"

"Oh cool." I nod.

"This one's a new song that Chan and Minho came up with last night. Wanna take a look?" Jeongin turns the notebook towards me, allowing me to read what they've been writing.

Chan and Minho? Interesting. "Sure" I lean a bit closer to him, our shoulders touching. I notice that he smells like mint. "Damn," I mutter reading the words.

"Minho had the original idea of the song," Jisung says.

Seungmin nods. "Yeah, his ideas are usually ..not about happy stuff" He struggles with the words and lets a small laugh under his breath. I turn to look back at the booth. The headphones are pushing his hair back, exposing his forehead, and his lips are moving, singing words that I'm not able to hear clearly. Suddenly his eyes snapped open, finding mine. There's something in his stare, something different and I feel like the seconds are turned to hours. He looks at me like there's something hanging from his lips, words he needs to say. His eyes look almost apologetic but still cold and indifferent.

"Can I have a sip?" Jeongin says, forcing my eyes back to him. His long arm is resting on the back of the couch just behind my head, his body and face closer to me than before.

Heat spread across my face at his sudden movements. "Y-Yeah sure"  I hand him the coffee.

"Minho, can you please focus so we can wrap this up" I hear Chan exhaling loudly, drawing our attention. He's still staring at me as if his eyes never left when I looked away. And then he blinks, several times with a tiny shake of his head before he focuses back on his task. This very short moment, our exchange of looks did not go unnoticed by Chan. His eyes felt like they were burning the side of my head and when I turn to look at him, his face was completely straight, bluntly staring between me and Minho. I offered him a small smile but it doesn't do much.

I hear an exhale of satisfaction and my head snaps back to Jeongin. "Hey, you said one sip." I reach for my coffee, almost half of it now gone.

Both of his eyebrows lift playfully. "Oops."

"You guys are coming tonight right?" Jisung asks

"As far as I know yeah, all of us are coming"

"Nice. This is going to be fun" He smirks.

"You're scaring me"

"No need little one, we'll take good care of you" He drops his voice, leaning closer to me.

"Stop." I laugh, pushing him.

The sound of the door slamming makes all of our heads turn to Minho.

"It's done?" Jisung asks.

"Yep," Minho simply answers and takes a seat beside Jisung. Jisung's hand comes up to mess with Minho's hair with a small smile and surprisingly Minho doesn't move away from his touch. Chan did say that they're pretty close yet seeing Minho like this with someone feels...weird. Not in a bad way but in a way that I'm suddenly intrigued. A part of me is curious about what it takes to get him to open up like this, and maybe an even smaller part of me, slightly craving this side of him as well. Chan gets up from his chair, his arms stretching over his head as he walks our way, his white hoodie rising enough for his lower abs to show.

"Stop drooling" He smirks, dropping his hands back down, noticing me looking his way.

"It's not my fault, you're casually flashing your abs" I defend. "Sorry, I have eyes."

He takes a seat beside me, his arm extending towards the back of the couch with his fingers brushing my shoulder. The way the side of his body is pressed against mine is nothing new or unfamiliar and it doesn't feel uncomfortable until I notice the short, sharp glances that are exchanged between him and Minho.

"What time are you guys coming over?" Seungmin asks.

Minho has moved away from Jisung's grip, now leaning back against the couch with his legs spread apart and his arms crossed. His face, an unreadable mask.

"Um around 9 probably. Is that okay?" I turn to Seungmin.

"Yeah, that's perfect." He says.

"Great!" I turn to Chan. "No that that's settled, and you have your coffee, I have to run."

"Can't you stay a bit longer?" His shoulders shrug a little.

"I wish but I really have to practice." I sigh, getting out of his grip.

"I can drop you off," Jeongin says. "I was gonna leave anyway."

I don't even have time to respond before he speaks up.

"But you said that you were going to work on the lyrics with Jisung today." Minho's voice comes out low and raspy, somehow heavy in the room. A second of silence passes by until Jeongin speaks again.

"I'll come back later, I'm pretty tired" Jeongin gets up, avoiding Minho’s intense gaze and I do the same as I drag my feet to the door. I offer the rest of the guys a nod and a goodbye before walking behind Jeongin as he leads us out of the studio, to his car.

                             »»————-　　————-««

"Where's Em?" Hyunjin asks as I open the door.

I leave it open for him to come in and walk back to my bedroom. "Already there."

"What's with the long face?" He follows me. "Come on cheer up, we're going to have some fun. We deserve it, we had a pretty tough week." He takes a seat on my bed as I put on my earrings, looking at myself in the mirror. Maybe I should change my outfit. Or my hair. Maybe the red lipstick wasn't the right choice.  "Stop looking, you're gorgeous." He ensures me, almost as if he read my mind. I drop my eyes to the floor with a small smile. He gets up, coming to stand right next to me, both of us facing the mirror. His hands come up to adjust his shirt.

"You should leave your hair natural more often, you look like a baby lion." He takes on a curl and twirls it around his long finger.

"That's the hottest thing anyone has ever called me." I double-check my makeup in the mirror, unable to stop the small smile that creeps on my lips.

"That's a better mood." He says satisfied.

I sigh and confess, "I just have anxiety around tonight. I don't feel like going, to be honest."

He frowns. "Why? You know all the guys and they're all chill, there's no reason for you to be anxious. It's gonna be fun."

"Not all of them are chill. " I mumble.

"Oh come on." He understands what I'm trying to say. "He's probably into you and that's his way of flirting."

"He's trying to flirt with me by being a dick to me?"

"Yeah, a lot of people are like that." He shrugs. "Enemies to lovers, you know?"

I roll my eyes. "Whatever."

He gets up and grabs my bag from the bed. "Just ignore him and have fun."

I sigh with a nod. "You're right." I smoothen out my pants and run a hand through my hair, trying to suppress all my thoughts.

He offers me his hand. "Come on, let's go."

                                  »»————-　　————-««

"I thought that you would never come." Jisung's warm smile greets us as he opens the door.

I pull him into a quick hug. "We just like making an entrance."

"Well, you sure did." He wraps his hand around Hyunjin's shoulders and leads us into the living room, where everyone is sitting. I make eye contact with Emma immediately, who's sitting beside Seungmin on the couch, with her legs on his lap. She smiles back, biting her lip and I almost laugh out loud. I bet she's had a few drinks by now. I scan the room, taking in the people already seated and my eyes can help but find him first. Jisung takes a seat on Seungmin's other side while  Minho, Changbin, and a girl I don't recognize are sitting on the other couch. I stare at Minho's side profile while he's staring at his phone. He's laid back, with his legs spread wide and his thumb between his lips, biting his nail. All of his features calm until Chan's voice fills the room.

"Y/n!" He yells coming out of the kitchen with two bowls filled with chips and popcorn in his hands. Minho's eyes snap in Chan's direction and in seconds, they find mine. For a split second I'm backing the dance studio, my back pressed against the glass and his face inches away from mine. I can almost feel his breath tickling my skin.

I turn to Chan with a smile, breaking eye contact immediately. "Hi." I take on one bowl, helping him. Felix and Jeongin come out of the kitchen as well, with bottles of alcohol, cups, and a bunch of different sodas. "Hi, guys." I give them a quick hug after we put everything on the coffee table between the couches. Jeongin and Chan sit on the 2 armchairs while Felix, Hyunjin, and I take a seat on the floor.

"I like your hair." Jeongin comments first thing when we take a seat.

"Thanks,"  I chuckle awkwardly at his direct compliment. "I don't, but thanks." He opens his mouth to say speak again but Changbin's loud clap stops him, getting everyones' attention.

"Okay, let's have a couple of shots, and then we can get started with the games."

                                »»————-　　————-««

We have music playing in the background as we take shot after shot. The girl beside Changbin is named Lia and she's really nice. She's a theater major and from the looks of it, I can clearly tell that there's something going on between them. I throw my head back, feeling my throat burning as I drown my 6th shot, and close my eyes, swallowing.

"Okay," Chan hisses, slamming his cup to his thigh. "I think that's enough, let's get started."

"Truth or Dare?" Jisung offers, his tone challenging and I almost groan out loud. My hatred for this game is incredibly strong. I can't recall a time that I've played it and it didn't end up bad, and considering the situation and the people playing, I'm terrified.

"Fuck yeah," Changbin agrees. "Rules; If you don't do the dare; you drink, If you don't wanna be honest; you drink." He explains.

Even though since I sat down I've been trying to avoid looking his way, I can practically feel his gaze on me. And as everyone’s talking about the rules, I gave in to the heat I'd been feeling on the side of my face and, lifted my own gaze to meet his. And maybe it's the alcohol that so heavily entered my system but the look in his eyes made my breath hitch for a split second. With his hair pushed back, his forehead exposed and those thick almost perfect eyebrows, he looks like a fucking model in my drunken eyes and I can't help but unconsciously tilt my head at the sight with the smallest smile. His teeth make an appearance, wrapping around his bottom lip and I can see the corners of his mouth lifting only the tiniest bit.

  Interesting.

"I'll start." Changbin clears his throat but I don't move my gaze, I hold his eyes as he brings his cup to his lips, taking a sip. "Hyunjin," He says, and Hyunjin smiles. "We'll start off easy, truth or dare?"

"Truth."

"How many people have you slept with?" He asks.

"I can answer that one." I joke, lifting my hand but he grabs my wrist and brings it back down.

"I will break your hand." He shakes his head, fighting a smile. "Um, I think about 20 people." He truthfully answers.

"Damn." Seungmin comments.

"Yeah, he's a manwhore." I tease him again.

He pokes the inside of his cheek with his tongue. "Y/n, truth or dare?"

I narrow my eyes at him, honestly scared of what he might ask. "Dare."

"I dare your ass to take a shot and pass it to someone else." His smile grows. "Mouth to mouth, lips touching and all."

The question makes everyone let out low whistles or start cheering all ready for me to do it. My lips form a tight line realizing that I'm definitely not drunk enough to find it challenging or even a bit funny. "You're such an asshole." I say, not wanting my hesitation to show in my voice.

"Who are you passing it to?" He asks as he pours a shot of tequila into my cup, making the decision for me. I look at all of them carefully, thinking. I can't pick Hyunjin cause he was the one to ask me, so I'm debating between Felix and Chan, cause there are the ones I feel the most comfortable with. I could also pick Em, but it's again, the safest option. As my eyes go from person to person, searching, they stop on him. He smirks, his eyes challenging me. I shift my gaze to Jeongin for a few seconds and then back to Minho, challenging him back in a way, making the small smirk that was playing on his lips disappear and his head to drop a little lower. His eyebrows frown just a little causing his gaze to darken. Oh, how I'm dying to say Jeongin's name just to see his reaction but that would be so predictable of me. I don't wanna annoy him, I wanna challenge and intrigue him.

I smile, an idea crossing my mind. "Lia."

My choice is a surprise to everyone.

"Oh shit," Changbin says with an excited laugh. "We're starting off strong."

Lia's cheeks have a hit of pink but she sends a grin my way, lifting herself off of her seat beside Changbin. I return the grin as she drops to her knees in front of me. I stay on my knees but instead of sitting, I stand straight. She gives me a small nod, letting me know she's ready and I bring the cup to my lips, taking the liquor in my mouth. The insides of my cheeks burn as I place my hands on her jaw. She opens her mouth wide and I bring my lips close to hers, pouring the shot carefully. I hear whistles and screaming but I keep my eyes on hers until we're done. She swallows, a few drops escaping from the corners of her lips, and turns around to everyone with her mouth open.

"Fuck yeah!" Changbin grabs her hand and pulls her to sit back down, next to him.

Everyone's clapping and shouting, causing a wave of confidence to run through me.

"She's baaack!" Hyunjin whispers in my ear as I return to my previous position, smiling. I can feel his eyes on me again, and I know that I'm secretly loving the silent attention his giving me.

"Okay, who's next?"

                              »»————-　　————-««

The game continues, we get drunker and the questions get crazier. Chan's only wearing his boxers, Changbin has recreated 5 of his favorite sex positions with Lia, Emma took Seunngmin's shirt off with her teeth, Jeongin revealed that he lost his virginity at 15, and Felix that he is a bottom. Minho took a shot because he didn't want to go to the balcony and moan for a whole minute and Hyunjin took a shot as well because he wouldn't make out with Felix's foot. I find myself actually having fun, not faking any smiles or laughs and I haven't felt like that in a while. It's nice. It feels almost impossible not to let my eyes travel his way every once in a while. He, as well, looks like he's having fun, which is weird for him. Ever since I met him, I haven't seen him genuinely smiling like he is now. His face has completely transformed and it's hard to look away. He's laughing and drinking and for once, he's not tensed, he's completely relaxed. He's not glaring at me any chance he gets, his eyes have lightened up and all the rude comments are gone. He's having fun and I'm having fun and I'm scared cause I don't know how long this is gonna last, us being in the same place, getting along. Well, kinda. We haven't exchanged a single word but still, I feel like being in the same room and not wanting to pull each other's hair out is enough for me.

"Yes, I have." Emma says proudly.

"Hold on," Jisung tries to speak through his laughter. "You're bisexual?"

The word brings a light shade of red across her face."No" She shakes her head.

"Who was the girl?" Seungmin asks. Both Hyunjin and Chan clear their throats, trying to control their laughs and I take a sip from my drink.

"That's a long story." Felix looks between me and Em with a smirk.

Jisung follows Felix's eyes " Wait..." He narrows his eyes on me and I try to cover my smile with my cup. "No way" His eyes widen. "No fucking way."

Jeongin seems to catch up from beside me. "You hooked up with Y/n?" He laughs.

"Oh, my god." Seungmin covers his face with his hands.

"It was one time and we were wasted." Emma tries to explain but a laugh escapes her as well.

"They made out in front of everyone, it was legendary." Hyunjin nods from the floor.

"Okay, Okay, let's move on." Knowing how shy Emma gets, I try to take the attention off of us. "Em, you ask."

"Jeongin, truth or dare?" She challenges him.

"Dare me."

"Give someone a lap dance," Emma smirks.

"Come on, man" Jeongin throws his head back. I flicked my eyes at Emma, noticing the look on her face. She winks back. Oh, no.

"Please do it, I'm begging you" Changbin laughs.

Jeongin pokes the inside of his cheek with his tongue and looks around. "I love you guys but I'm not giving any of you a lap dance."

"But you're a great dancer." Minho teases him.

"Y/n" He gets up from the armchair. "I'm already pretty tipsy, so it's your lucky day."

Fuck.

I have zero time to process what's about to happen when out of nowhere the music that was playing in the background switches to a slow, seductive song.

"Let's go" Jisung yells, clapping his hands together.

Chan gets up from the armchair and pushes me to take his place as Jeongin rolls his shoulders a bit, almost as if he's preparing himself, his eyes locking with mine. My nervousness must be clear as day all over my face, while his expression is the complete opposite. His gaze is playful, darker than before and with a smug smile playing across his lips he makes his way towards me. My grip on the armchair tightens and I feel my heart starting to beat faster. He starts swaying his hips seductively and everyone starts yelling. Due to his standing position, I'm face to face with his crotch and I can't help but look away in embarrassment. His fingers reach for the bottom of his shirt and he peels it off his body slowly, not breaking eye contact. My mouth slightly opens and I scoff laughingly at the sight of his quite defined abs. He lowers himself a bit more, his hips not stopping their movements, bringing his face closer to the side of my own. His hips brush mine lightly with each thrust and I swear my whole face heats up right then. He places his hands against the armchair on each side of my head for support and the more his hips brush up against me the more the rest of the guys scream and shout, cheering him on. He grins at my flustered expression and I turn my face to the side, unable to hold eye contact, anymore. My eyes find his. All the voices and noise fade in the background, and suddenly Jeongin's dancing is not the reason I find myself holding my breath for. His soft gaze from before is gone and replaced with absolute darkness. His eyes are dark in a way that makes me intimidated, he doesn't look amused. A shiver runs down my spine, excitement building in my lower stomach. I hold his gaze as I lightly bite my lip the minute Jeongin's hair brushes my neck. My back arches slightly, my hips meeting his. He takes a breath, clenching his jaw. His whole face, tight and cold.

'What if I push him just a little more...' I think to myself and lift my hand to rest on the side of Jeongin's hips as he continues to move his body to the beat. I turn to look back at the man dancing on top of me, his eyes wild and dark as well but before I have to lean just a little closer...

"Okay, that's more than a minute" Minho speaks up—his tone cold.

"Let the boy have some fun." Jisung nugs him with his elbow but it only takes a single glare from Minho to make his smile drop.

"Okay Jeongin, we get it, you could be a stripper," Jisung turns the music off and everyone starts clapping at Jeongin's performance. Jeongin pulls himself away from me with a grin and searches for his shirt, putting it back on. I force my body to move back to my previous position on the floor while my mind is still trying to process what just happened.

Hyunjin crawls a bit closer. "You're flushed." His hands come up to fan my face.

"Jeongin you ask." Emma reminds him.

"Right," He looks at me. "truth or dare?"

"Me?" God, give me a break first.

He nods.

"Um, dare." I pick.

"I dare you to call your ex-boyfriend and moan his name." His words make my face drop, and my body goes completely still. Silence falls upon us and I feel the eyes of all of my close friends on me. I swallow hard turning to look at Chan. His eyes are hard and his lips turned into a thin line as he pours me a shot and passes it to me, silently choosing for me.

"Come on Y/n, that was an easy one." Changbin whines as I take the shot, quietly, suddenly unable to hold my head up, until I hear him.

"And you called me a pussy before. " Minho mutters under his breath.

It was like a snap, like a switch that went off inside me and my whole body started to burn. I slam my cup onto the table. "What did you say?"

"Me?" He smirks. "Nothing"

That expression, that smug, cocky-ass grin, and the satisfaction in his eyes, make me wanna smack the shit out of him.

"What's your fucking-"

"Come on Y/n, ask someone." Felix cuts me off, trying to avoid what's about to happen like he always does when he suspects fighting coming.

I inhale through my nose, forcing myself to camp down. I don't want to give him the satisfaction. "Channie, truth or dare?" I sigh.

"Dare."

"Take 5 shots." I say, not bothering to think of anything better.

"Come on that's boring." Seungmin rolls his eyes but Chan takes the shots one after the other.

He hisses, eyes watering and he shakes his head a bit before speaking again. "Truth or dare?" He turns to Minho, looking at him with a straight face.

Minho tilts his head, holding his gaze for a few seconds. "Dare."

Both of them stare at each other like they're silently communicating.

"Take a body shot from Y/n's stomach." Chan lifts his chin.

My breath hitches.

Minho's eyes narrow slightly, still looking at Chan. I look between them, sensing that something's off. It feels weird of Chan to ask something like this. When Minho reaches for a shot, I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding. Of course, he would take the shot instead, yet I can't keep my mouth shut.

"Who's the pussy now?" I mumble, loud enough for him to hear.

I watch as my words make him freeze, eyes darkening with the cup inches away from his lips.

"Damn." Changbin looks between us, the tension clear enough to everyone.

Instead of drinking it, Minho takes the cup and get's up from the couch. Now it's my turn to freeze.

Shit.

"Lay on the floor." He demands in a low voice that sends chills down my spine. It takes me a few seconds but my body reacts and moves on its own. I lay down on the floor just in front of the couches, silently. He walks over to me, his mouth a tight line and then, he straddles my thighs, the pressure of his body knocking the air out of me. His eyes- completely dark, staring down at me as If I'm a 5-star meal and he hasn't eaten in ages. My mind is so clouded, my body still and unable to move that it's his hand that pushes the bottom of my top up until my whole stomach is exposed. His tongue appears, wetting his full lips as he places one hand beside my ear for support. I look up at him hesitantly, his face a perfect mask with no expression and I hold my breath, not used to having him this close. Not used to having him close at all.

"Don't challenge me, angel." He whispers in my ear, loud enough for only me to hear. His words go straight to my core and I stare at him completely speechless. He pours the shot into my belly button and a little on my stomach. I flinch a bit as the cold liquid hits my skin.

"Don't move." He lowers himself, bringing his face inches away from my stomach. He grabs the sides of my waist, his cold fingers making my back arch just a tiny bit and his lips begin to suck the liquor from my stomach. The minute his tongue touches me, my stomach turns into a knot, and when he looks up at me - I suck a breath. His lips and tongue move perfectly, drawing and brushing against my skin like a feather, raising goosebumps wherever his mouth touches me as he licks his way up slowly. My mind still hasn't processed how we ended up like this. He holds my gaze, his eyes, so clear that I can see my reflection in them. As he moves his tongue back down towards my belly button, I have to stop myself from clenching my thighs together, but I can't stop this overwhelming feeling that rushes through me. I haven't been touched in such a way for far too long and I feel my body melting under him. He tightens his grip on my waist, feeling me move and I bite my lip to keep myself from making any sounds. Everyone else has faded away, although I can still hear them shouting but it's only me and him as he drags his tongue even lower, just above my now unbuttoned pants, my hand unconsciously moves to his hair. His eyes close and he lets out the lowest growl. He gives my waist a squeeze and lifts his head, looking down at me with a challenging smile before getting off of me completely. My body and mind go absolutely numb, realizing what just happened as he stands over me with the most satisfied, cocky-ass grin I've ever seen and embarrassment consumes me.

"Okay, I think we need a break. " Hyunjin clears his throat and Changbin lets out a low whistle. Everyone is silent, probably completely shocked but I don't dare to look at their faces.

"I'm gonna clean myself a bit." I get up from the floor and basically run to the bathroom. My legs feel like jelly, and I can hear and feel my heart beating so fast that my chest feels heavy. I close the door and rest my back against it. The world is spinning, and I don't think that it's only because of the alcohol.

"What the fuck just happened?" I whisper to myself, closing my eyes and taking a deep breath before moving to the sink. I stare at my reflection- my whole face is flushed, my eyes and hair wild, and when I look down, at my stomach, I have to stop myself from gasping out loud. My skin is still glistering from the alcohol and the wetness of his mouth, but it's the light red marks that are travelling from my belly button down to the top of my underwear that make heat spread between my legs.

"Damn him," I say under my breath. Why would he do that? What is he doing? What the fuck does he want with me? A few days ago he was yelling in my face about how he doesn't wanna get to know me and now he literally took a shot out of my stomach, in front of everyone. I push my hair back, trying to get my head to focus. I feel like I'm going to explode from confusion. He must be bipolar or something. It doesn't make sense- he doesn't make sense.

A knock on the door makes me groan in frustration.

"Occupied."

They knock again.

"Who is it?" I sigh and open the door, but before I can react Minho pushes me backwards until my back hits the sink, closing the door in the process. He traps me between his hands, bringing his face close to mine. His big eyes show no emotion as they stare back at my wide ones.

"W-what are you doing?" I shutter. Completely shocked.

"What are you doing?" He shoots back. I hate how he seems completely unphased about what just happened while I still can't even breathe properly yet.

I clear my throat, trying to hold his intense gaze. " What do you mean?"

A sharp laugh escapes him. "You want my attention that bad?"

"What the fuck are talking about?"

He licks his lips, glaring down at me hard. "What's up with you and Jeongin?"

"Do you care?" I challenge him back but he simply stares at me. He's close enough for me to smell the alcohol on his breath alongside his usual vanilla scent.

"Cut it." He growls

I smirk. "Cut what?"

He takes a deep breath, eyes moving all over my face. "I told you not to challenge me."

"Did you?" I push further.

He bites his lip with a small smile. "You're having fun aren't you?"

I lean closer to him, a sudden burst of confidence rushing through me, leading me to close the small gap between us. "So much." I grin. "You are the one who challenged me first." Our noses are almost touching now and I look up at him through my lashes. "And two can play this game."

"Then I guess it's your turn angel." The pet name sparks something inside me. Fuck, I've had too much to drink.

"Now you seem like you wanna talk to me huh?"

"Still salty about that?" He mumbles.

"I don't get hurt that easily." I smile.

He smiles back but I notice his grip on the sink tightening. "I'll take that as a challenge."

"Good..." I say, my lips only a few inches away from his, before pushing at his chest and walking out of the bathroom.

#stray kids x reader #starykids #skz smut #skz #starykidsfanfic #lee know x reader #leeknow #leeminho #lee know fanfic #kpop fanfic #lee know series #lee know smut #lee minho x reader #kpop smut #kpop series #fanfic

[dyysania]

there she goes - chapter 1

modern!80s!kirk x female!reader. fluff, no use of y/n.

author’s note: i had to do it. also - i’m proud of myself for finishing this so quickly today :)

❀ .𖥔 ݁ ˖ ··········(reader’s p.o.v)·············· ❀ .𖥔 ݁ ˖

i began to grow fairly frustrated as i couldn’t find the record i was looking for. toxicity, by system of a down. this was my 7th as well as last record store in my neighborhood, and driving further would be annoying.

last section of metal, please let this be the one…

my fingers flipped through the records quickly, and i finally found it.

“fuck yes !” i whisper-yelled, but i had forgotten about the other people in the store. like the man beside me. he chuckled at my excitement, so i looked up to see what he’d looked like.

he was a big brown-eyed brunette, with slightly long hair and plump, pink lips. and he smiled with them. and honestly, it was one of the prettiest smiles i’d ever seen.

“you like system of a down?” i softly laughed at his remark.

“it’s pretty obvious, isn’t it?” i responded, finally picking the record up and putting it in my bag, with other artists like hole, the misfits and radiohead, which was a pretty wide variety.

“eh, not really. when i saw you walk in, i didn’t think you’d pick up all the good shit.” he said as i turned to face him properly, and we were getting very endorsed into our conversation.

“what’s in your bag?” i asked him, and he happily opened his bag to show his records. he had great music taste, and also a wide range of taste. he had alice in chains, the isley brothers and grant green for the most of it, and some stuff i never heard of. i thought it was cool.

“that’s awesome.” i smiled at him. he smiled at me. i noticed he began to look flustered and blush dusted over his cheeks. we stood a bit too close, and i’m sure he noticed it too.

chime, you both jumped and cocked your heads to where the sound had came from, and it was just another person coming inside the shop.

“well, i… i’m gonna go pay for these. you still wanna look around or line up with me?” he smiled at your soft expression you had on your face when you asked the question, and he put everything in his bag again.

“sure, i’ll line up with you.” you smiled as you talked on the way to the cashier, and as you both paid for your things, you almost wrapped up the conversation.

“what’s your name?” he asked.

“oh shit, sorry, i forgot to mention before!” and he smiled widely at your response, your name.

“i’m kirk.” you blushed, and then got a little nervous as you took a piece of paper out of your skirt’s pocket. the rain began to drizzle, fuck. you missed your chance and you parked a little far away.

“shit, i walked here!” he exclaimed. there was only one solution think of that would involve you helping.

“let me drop you off then.” you snuck the paper back in before he looked back at you, raising his eyebrows.

“you sure?”

“let’s go, kirk!” the rain started to pour down harder, so you and kirk ran across the street and to your car.

you and him got in, and it started to feel warm, cozy, and it got both of you flustered. songs played off of your favorite radio, and it turned out to be his favorite as well.

“where do you live?”

“about 12 blocks up.”

“cool.” you chatted again on the short drive to his place.

————————— .𖦹 ⋆｡

“thanks so much.” he smiled, turning to face you as he unbuckled his seatbelt.

“no problem.” you pursed and your lips as he wet his, as you both were close again.

you both closed your eyes, leaning in for a short kiss. you smiled softly as you felt your lips press. it was nice and sweet. you pulled away slowly but quickly after the kiss, and you both had cute smiles on your faces.

“here’s my number, sexy bastard.” you handed the small sheet to him by putting it on his thigh. he laughed at the nickname, picking the paper up.

“thank you. i’ll call.” he said before hopping out of your car, not caring for the rain anymore.

you smiled and waved as you drove away.

❀ .𖥔 ݁ ˖ ··········(kirk’s p.o.v)·············· ❀ .𖥔 ݁ ˖

there she goes. there she goes, by the la’s, was the song that played in my head whenever i thought of her and that day. the day i met who i thought was my perfect girl at a record shop near my street, and who dropped me off at home on that exact rainy day.

i shut my eyes as i reimagine it, laying in bed listening to the song on my phone. i wonder when i’ll see you again.

there she goes, there she goes again

racing through my brain

and i just can’t contain

the feeling that remains…

#boo’s thing #metallica #modern!80s!metallica #kirk hammett #modern!80s!kirk #kirk hammett x reader #kirk hammett fluff #kirk hammett smut #kirk hammett fanfiction #kirk girl #soft fanfic #fanfic #fanfiction

[heyidkyay]

I guess I’ll take this pain, instead of your name |

Part Twenty-Four - Part A

A/n: PLEASE READ!

The next two updates will come in parts A and B and are flashback chapters! SO there is nothing current happening, but they are really important to the story and have a lot of details which have been mentioned in earlier parts of the fic that weren't delved into. They're also incredibly long, this one alone is around 20k words, so just a warning! I love them though and hope you will too:)

Part B will be similar to A and will be out soon. Enjoy x

Summary: In life, things changed. The boys you'd once grown up with were men now, and famous ones at that. The type that toured the world and had millions of adoring fans.

The five of you shared a shit ton of history. But you also shared a lot of mixed emotions for one of them in particular, a certain drummer.

Warnings: Lots of swearing as per usual, talks and acts of violence, mentions of abuse and implications of sexual assault, alcohol and drug use.

Masterlist

I groaned for what felt like the umpteenth time, arms crossed over my chest as I slumped against the brick archway leading to the townhouse's front door. My school shirt was probably all creased now but I knew mum would have a right fit if I walked back home to change- we were already running late.

“Vicky!” I shouted out again, growing tired of waiting. “I swear, if Cook catches us at the gates I’m blaming you!”

I heard a loud bang sound from above me and glanced up to find that the bane of my existence had stuck her horn out of the upstairs window. “Would’ya shut up with your whining, the neighbours will have my head if you carry on- oh, and tell me where I left my essay for Herrins last night? I can’t find it anywhere!”

She was dressed, which was as much as a shock as it was a relief, but seemingly had yet to sort her hair out which could prove to be problematic. “Christ, Vic! It’s on your dresser, remember? You stuck it between the mirror and your jewellery box so that you’d be able to find it this mornin'.” I told her, the sentence followed shortly by a mumbled sigh, “What good it did though.”

“Oh shit, yeah!” Vicky gasped and I watched as she spun her head back round and caught sight of the scribbled essay- exactly where I said it’d be. “Cheers, babe. Just be a sec!”

Then she was gone again. I chuckled lowly to myself and shook my head. It was always the same with her, never knew when she was coming or going, but she was loyal to the very end. And pretty much the only proper mate I had.

Vicky Taylor was practically my other half. We’d met in year three and I’d truly hated her at first. Seeing how she’d replaced Emma Alden, who’d moved down to Wales that previous summer, in the seat beside mine. 

She’d had this pretty pencil case too lined with glitter pens and a rainbow sharpener, I’d been so fucking jealous of it that I pretty much shrugged off any attempt she’d made at conversation. Up until Ernie Sutton came over at least, acting like the eight year old twat he was, emptying the contents of her pencil case all over the floor, only to then stomp all over it. I’d gone mental at him, taken the milk carton we’d all been handed and upturned it on his head. He’d stunk the whole day and Mrs Wilkins had been such a bitch about it, but Vicky, she’d just grinned a teary smile and nicked another carton from the trolley for me as a thanks. 

We’d been as thick as thieves since.

“She still not down yet?”

Pulling myself out of my reminiscent thoughts, I glanced up right into the eyes of Jamie Taylor, Vicky’s older brother who was in the year above us. He was leant up against the door frame, shirt half-untucked and with a lopsided smile on his face. Jamie was fit to say the least, every girl at school thought so, me among them, but he was off limits. Or I liked to think of it that way, like I'd ever have a real chance with him. Jamie only ever looked at me as Vic’s best mate anyway, 'it's like having another annoying little sister' he’d once said.

I rolled my eyes and put up the front I was so used to faking around him- never would I ever let it slip that I was in any way interested in him, least I’d be shunned from the Taylor household for the rest of eternity. And that was the very last thing I wanted to happen. 

“What do you think, smartarse? You’ve lived with her most of your life. When is she not running late?”

Jamie just chuckled, blue eyes squinting as the looked me over. “Still got five minutes before the bell goes.”

“It’s a ten minute walk, J.”

“Exactly, have to make a run for it then, wontcha?” 

I couldn’t hide the slight quirk my mouth made upon hearing his reply, but merely shook my head in turn. “Can’t, be late either way. Wanna stop in by the bakery before, ain’t had breakfast yet.”

He pursed his lips then and I regretted having said anything at all when he spoke up again, “Your mum-”

“Yup.” I cut him off and pivoted to stare off down the road, acting unbothered as I continued to wait for his sister. Though I guess I should’ve been used to it by now. My mum was always putting everyone else above me. Who cared if there weren’t enough milk in the fridge for me? Who did it hurt when her newest fling would sit himself down in my dad’s armchair and read the morning paper whilst starkers? Just count your lucky stars you didn’t get slapped about by this one! At least not yet.

“Look, Y/n,”

Never had I ever been so thankful for Vicky, who thundered down the stairs before he could get another word out and barged past Jamie to make it through the doorway, essay in hand. She grinned at me, “Ready, babe?”

“For the last half hour, yeah.”

She rolled her eyes at me, amused, then linked her arm in mine as she pulled us both down the garden path. I only glanced back once I heard the front door slam behind us to find that Jamie was still wearing that frown expression and following.

Vicky, you had to know, was one person that could talk forever. And I meant forever. If the Olympics ever decided that they wanted to implement an event where the only talent you had to have was to be able to speak for hours on end, then Vic would be the very first person the English Team would call. It was honestly tough to keep up with her at times, so most times I was pretty content to just listen.

She ranted the whole way to the bakery off of Lloyds Street, not allowing Jamie nor I to get a word in, and proceeded to question Old Man Langford who owned the small shop the moment she spotted him. I ordered my usual from the girl stood at the til, who wasn’t much older than us really, and Jamie prattled off his to her too before I could pull out my purse, already holding a fiver out towards her.

“Jaim-”

But my voice was cut off by Jamie calling over to his sister to ask what she wanted. A bacon sarnie and an orange juice. He nodded to the cashier who took his money with a shy smile and handed him back his change.

“I could have got mine.” I mumbled to him the second the girl got to work on pulling the order together.

Jamie snorted, “Think the word you’re looking for there, love, is thanks.”

I fish mouthed. Love. He’d never called me that before. Not once. And the singular word rewired my entire brain.

Jamie continued on talking though, none the wiser to my slowly crumbling interior, up until the girl at the counter handed him a paper bag and a to go cup we hadn’t ordered.

“On me.” She told him, flashing him a flirty smile. 

Jamie grinned and glanced back at me for a brief second. “Cheers.” He said and must’ve given her a wink or something in return because she flushed. I fought not to roll my eyes at the pair of them and picked the coffee cup out of Jamie’s hand before trailing my way over to Vicky and Mr Langford.

“Lovely to see you, Mr Langford! How’s Sheila?” I asked, smiling away even as I felt a pair of icy daggers burn into the side of my head. Old Man Langford smiled at me fondly and told me that his daughter was doing just fine, working hard in the city now, though she was due a visit, which made me chuckle before we wrapped our conversation up and all bid him our goodbyes.

“Oi, I think you’ll find that was meant for me.” Jamie commented as soon as our feet touched the pavement outside and the shop bell stopped rattling above us. 

“Hm?” I questioned, feigning confusion whilst still sipping away at the warm drink. The girl might’ve been a terrible flirt but she could make a decent cuppa. “Not sure what you mean.”

Vicky snorted whilst we started the trek up the big hill which led to the school gates. “She’s always popping in something extra whenever he goes in there." She said, "Fancies the pants off him, mum claims.”

“Can you really blame her?” Jamie smirked just before he stole the cup back out of my hands, gleeful eyes finding mine when he took a large swig. “I mean, have you seen me?”

I narrowed my eyes and pinched at his hip, startling him enough to allow the cup to slip free from his hand without much of a fight. 

“Oi!”

“Every man reckons they’re God’s gift to women. What’s so different about you then?” I quipped, loving the way Jamie’s gaze lingered on me as I took a sip from the cup we’d shared. He was walking backwards now, just in front of Vicky and I, head turning back every so often, school bag slung over his right shoulder as he fought to defend his honour.

“I’m the real deal, me! The whole package. What girl wouldn’t want me?”

I rolled my eyes but almost choked when Vicky laughed outright and gave him a snarky reply.

“Y/n, for one. So jump down off that high horse of yours, J, you’re no David Beckham.”

I giggled at the vengeful glare Vicky received in turn. If only she knew.

“Take that back!” Jamie spat with a pointed finger, though he was wearing a mirthful smile. He combed a hand across his hairless chin and gave us a pouty pose, “Beckham lookalike me. Just wait, I’ll be playing for United one day.”

“So you say.” Vicky laughed before turning towards me with a conspiratorial grin, “Dad says he’ll be lucky to work in the grocers after the results he got on his last exams.” 

“Vicky!” 

The girl merely cackled when her brother drove her back with a shove, “What! It’s true, ain’t it?”

Jamie merely huffed and rolled his eyes at the girl, not glancing my way as we continued to walk on. The gates weren’t too far, could see the spikes which sat atop them now.

“Swear, you boys are all so touchy.” Vicky murmured with a sly grin she couldn’t quite hide.

Jamie sneered at her, contradicting it by flicking her arm playfully. “Yeah, and you girls are all so annoying.”

“Oi.” I cut in, still happy to just sip my tea whilst they bickered but unable to let that slip. “I’m a delight, thanks.”

“So you are, Darlin’. So you are.” Jamie grinned at me and jumped around Vicky to lay a loud and sloppy kiss to my cheek.

“Jamie!” Vic shouted, slapping his bicep and shoving him away from me as soon as she got the chance. Jamie laughed loudly in response, shooting me a wink as he dove further from her swinging arms. “I’m so sorry, babe.” She added when she turned to me, then glanced back towards Jamie with a wrinkled nose, “God, you are such a prat!”

But I just waved her apology off, forcing the butterflies I’d felt flutter deep deep down as I took another long sip. Jamie waggled his brows at me whilst Vicky just huffed, then continued on with whatever she’d been saying, something to do with Mr Langford’s wife.

I watched him quietly and cocked a brow of my own, he was skirting around all sorts of lines here, ones I couldn’t quite decipher. He smirked and there was something more to it, something I couldn’t make out.

We made it through the gates soon enough and I was thankful for it- although we were nearing half an hour over first bell. Jamie nor Vic seemed to care though, the latter only just starting in on her sandwich.

“Who’s the new lad?” Vicky suddenly asked then, mouth half full, and I followed the direction of her gaze to find a lad wearing headphones slumped against the low brick wall outside the main office. “He’s sorta fit, don’t you think?” She commented, tilting her head as she took him in.

He was, sort of. But I could make out much of him, he was slouched in his position and had a horde of dark blonde curls hiding the top half of his face.

I hummed my confirmation, eyes watching him from over the top my cup. Jamie scoffed.

“He can barely even see what he looks like with all that hair, how can you two?”

My mouth tugged upwards on its own accord whilst Vicky snorted at her brother. “Says you, who spends the better part of an hour in front of the bathroom mirror each mornin’.”

“Ha.” Jamie replied with a forced smile.

I shrugged, interrupting the two. “Hair’s what makes him fit, J. Those curls are proper lovely.”

Vicky grinned around another mouthful of bread, “Ain’t they just? I wanna run my hands through it.”

“Bet he’d appreciate the bacon grease.” I teased her, but was inclined to agree. 

“Oh, he’d love it!” Vicky retorted, rather loudly and with a laugh that made me chuckle too. Jamie just rolled his eyes at the pair of us as we all waltzed towards the English block. 

“You two are dead blind.” He told us, fiddling with his own hair now.

“Ah, don’t worry, Taylor. You’re still number one in our hearts.” I appeased him with a mirthful grin, which made Vic cackle loud enough for anyone near to hear. Which unfortunately included Mr Cook.

“You three! Late again, I see!” The deputy head barked as he came storming out the main building towards us, “My classroom this lunchtime. Be there or it’s a suspension- that means no footie, Jamie Taylor.”

Jamie’s jaw ticked but he nodded, “Sorry, sir.”

“Good lad, now get to class.” Mr Cook demanded, hands on his hips as he attempted to corral us through the school's doors. As he did though, my eyes found an unfamiliar pair observing us from not too far away. I smirked at him when he realised he’d been caught and waved before ducking behind the heavy entrance doors.

— 

It was the last place I wanted to be. But here I was, making my way over to the library where Mrs Trench, my maths teacher, told me I could find the tutor she’d since assigned me.

It wasn’t as though I was thick or nowt. I wasn't. Just maths made my head hurt sometimes. Enough to have made my marks drop by an unreasonable amount. 

I was alright with the numbers bit, the multiplying and the dividing I could do quicker than most off the top of my head. But then they just had to go and add letters. And that had fucked me right up, hadn’t it. 

I huffed to myself at the very thought of it as I trudged my way through the empty halls. School had already let out and I was still stuck here whilst Vicky and the rest of the girls were set to head off into town later on- there was a new record shop that’d just opened up and everyone was buzzing to see if it was worth the wait.

The library doors creaked like they always did when I pushed through them, as old as everything else in this forsaken place, and the librarian glanced up at me through her oval glasses when I walked by the counter. We shared our usual nod, having started somewhat of a routine by now. She was an alright woman, let me camp out in the classics section when I was skiving off Pe and didn’t bitch when sung quietly to myself. So, better than alright, I supposed.

But this school was a wasteland, most days you actually had to goad the teachers into teaching you properly. Although some were worse than others, but a lot of them just wanted their pay check at the end of each month.

Mrs Turner, my maths teacher, wasn’t amongst them though, she was all about the marks, having the best test scores. In truth, she just wanted a raise, had been trying for one ever since I’d joined. That was the only reason why she’d set this whole thing up. 

I knew who I was looking for when I walked in. He was a lad in Jamie’s year, so only a year older than me, but his face was well known seeing as the boys he hung about with tended to stir quite a bit of trouble when they pleased. Jamie had also mentioned his name once or twice in passing, they were mates, but not overly friendly. J tended to stick close to the other lads on the football team. So I knew who he was when Mrs Trench had given me his name on a piece of parchment. 

I caught him sat in one of the far tables in the very back, head buried in a book ‘reading’ but his foot was a dead giveaway to the fact that he had no clue what he was even looking at, tapping away to some sound or other. I spotted the wire to his mp3 as I approached and smirked down at him.

“Oi.” I startled him, using a deep voice to mimic that of Deputy Cook’s. The lad jumped out of his seat as his head snapped up towards me, almost dropping his mp3 in the process. I grinned at the reaction, withholding a chuckle as I looked him over, “Sorry, couldn’t help myself when I saw you. I’m Y/n, Mrs Trench said she spoke to you about helping me out in maths?”

The boy just laughed, looking a lot less tense now that the threat of Mr Cook had rapidly disappeared. He didn’t seem all that annoyed by the childish trick as he looked up at me either. “She did. I’m Adam, by the way. But most people just call me Hann.”

“Yeah? Why’s that then?” I asked him as I took the chair opposite and grabbed my textbook form my bag.

“Dunno. Just always been that way I suppose. Helps that it’s my last name too.” Adam told me with an easygoing smile.

I chuckled, “Seems so. What do you want me to call you then?”

“Either, I don’t mind.” He retorted with a small shrug, wrapping his mp3 up and tucking it back into his blazer pocket. “You’re Jamie’s mate, ain’t you?”

Jamie’s mate… I didn’t know about that. Jamie tolerated my presence I guessed, when I was hanging about with Vicky or staying round his. Though we had spoken here and there without her around. Mainly just teasing when we’d pass each other by in the halls, or stopping to talk when our lunchtime tables intertwined. 

“‘Spose.” I answered him, “So you any good with maths then, or is it all talk?”

Adam didn’t seem to mind my answer, nor the swift change of subject, merely laughed lightly and got to talking about the topic. We started off on the easier tasks of the lot, which I made progress on pretty quickly, then we tried our luck at the different theorems there were. I quite enjoyed his company honestly, he was witty and funny in a way that most lads weren’t. He could joke about and then be serious without it being so black and white.

By the time we’d spent a couple of our Wednesday afternoons together, he invited me out ‘round to this small party one of his mates was throwing. Said I could bring a friend if I wanted. And so I’d gone, only because Adam had hastily become a new friend. He hadn’t shied away when we saw one another around school, approached me in the fields when he’d spotted me to tell me about this new record he’d found and reckoned I’d like, and even walked home with me some days after last lesson had ended when our other mates were busy or had detention.

The small party really had been just that. A nice little gathering of about fifteen or so people just mulling about in the garden of some big fuck-off house Adam’s mate supposedly lived in. I’d brought Vicky along with me, but lost her the second she’d spotted a mutual friend, although I was ultimately saved by Adam who gifted me a massive smile when he saw me. He greeted me happily with a beer in hand and took me off to get a drink of my own whilst we chatted away about this new album that’d just been released. 

It was that night that most things changed for me, because it was that night that I properly met Adam’s friends, or his ‘bandmates’ as he called them. Ross and Elliott were already halfway to drunk when we were first introduced but Ross tugged me under his arm once Adam had given him my name, claiming that he’d been looking for a new best mate, seeing as his old one had been driving him mad. And I’d just gone along with it, perfectly content in his playful company. 

Elliott had been alright too, he’d spoken with us for a bit before some girl had caught his eye and the pair of them had wandered off to some place dark. Adam’s good friend Matty though was the one that really caught my attention, because how could he not? He’d come bounding over to us, all dark curls and this massive shit-eating grin on his face, he’d had a cigarette dangling from the corner of his mouth and, without a care in the world, had plopped himself straight down in my lap. 

Matty was loud, eccentric, but oh so lovely. Even though he could be a bit of a pretentious twat at times, too stubborn for his own good really, I still found I rather enjoyed his presence. It was miles different to what I was used to. 

He seemed to like me alright too, or so I believed, but only because of the way he'd gone off on Sam McKinnon when the lad had wandered past us, the spat had made me realise rather quickly that you’d definitely know if Matty didn’t like you.

We’d spent the rest of the evening laughing and passing drinks around. I got to know the lot of them rather well, and so, when I claimed that that had been the night that things changed for me, I wasn’t lying. Because afterwards, the four lads seemed to take me under their wing, even when I passed my maths exam and Adam no longer had to tutor me. 

Vicky didn’t seem to mind it much either, me wandering off with them, seeing as she’d just started dating Tony Watts, who was far too into himself for my taste though he drove his own car. And the boys, although a year older, became a bit of a lifeline for me. I bonded with them in ways I hadn’t with Vic. It was just so different with them and we’d all clicked so instantly that it was hard to even verbalise.

It was actually a couple months after I’d finally gotten settled into my new found arrangement of friends that it had all begun to shift again. Elliott, it seemed, had other priorities, he’d formed a band of his own long before the other boys had even thought of trying out one of their own, and had gotten busy with it- as well as his longtime girlfriend. So once the guys had realised that they were now a lead singer down, Matty had stepped up and away from the drum kit to take over. A smart move if I do admit, Matthew Healy was not meant to be boxed behind a rowdy instrument, and seeing him up front and centre only proved that. He preformed up there.

So what with Matty being frontman, that meant that the drums now had no owner. Matty had tried to make it work for a short while, but it just didn’t sound the same, too much going on for it all to fall correctly in time. And so the lads decided to ask about, look for someone who might fit in alright with the rest of them.

It was me that found that person though. Which was surprising, seeing as though most would believe that I’d be the last person you’d expect to do so. 

It had happened on a Tuesday morning actually, it’d been pissing it down outside but the guys had all wanted to head on out to smoke a fag behind the shed before next lesson. I’d passed, preferring to stay dry rather than get a quick fix. So I’d just dropped them off by the back doors before wandering back the way I’d came, down by the music block.

I’d paused the second I’d heard it, the rapid hit of a drum. I’d gotten far too used to instruments since hanging about during the guys’ band practices to not know something good when I heard it. And this, this was unlike anything I’d heard the boys play before.

I stood there, outside the door to music room 3, for a short while, just listening. Before the sound had slowly dwindled out, forcing me to push my way through the room’s only entrance and exit.

The music rooms were typically quite small, most people used them on days like today to mess about in, or hide from the hordes of people acting like dickheads. Music room 3 was where the school’s only drum kit was housed though.

As I forced my way inside, I halted at the unexpected sight that greeted me.

“Um.” The room’s only occupant mumbled in surprise.

“You’re the new boy.” I immediately stated, staring down at the curly haired lad I’d seen earlier in the year that one morning I’d been late.

“Um.” The boy said again, causing me to frown.

The door closed swiftly behind me as I stepped further inside, his eyes darted towards it, “That all you say then?”

He looked back at me, narrowed gaze stuck on me now, and as he tilted his head I took note of the drumsticks he held in his hands. “No.”

“Oh so just the two then?” I teased and was relieved when he cracked a small smile. “You’re sick by the way,” I complimented, “Hope you don’t mind but I was listening outside for a while.”

Shock seemed to colour his expression as he glanced between me and the door.

“I heard you, just as I was walking past.” I explained, fingers reaching out to fiddle with the cymbal’s metal edge. “You’re good. Really good.”

“Thanks.” He murmured, still looking unsure about my entire presence.

I grinned in turn, “Where d’you learn to play?”

“Seattle.” He said.

My brows lifted in surprise, “Like America?”

He hummed his ascent.

“Wow. What’s it like over there?”

I’d never been, but Matty had. He’d said it was brilliant. Wanted to live out there one day, buy a big house with enough rooms for us all. 

The lad shrugged. “Different. Louder, I guess.”

Not much of a talker. Or maybe just, shy?

“Cool. Um so, I actually might have a reason for barging in here…” I admitted, looking up at him from under my lashes. 

He quirked an eyebrow in retort, but otherwise remained silent. 

This music business was already proving to be difficult.

…

I’d invited the lad round to Matty’s that same afternoon, knowing that they’d already arranged a practice session there. 

I’d simply just torn a bottom corner from a page in my sketchbook and written down the address, told him to meet me there at five if he felt like playing something proper.

I hadn’t even caught his name honestly, let alone gotten an actual answer as whether or not he’d come. But I was hopeful. This band meant everything to the guys, they worked so hard and got so much out of it, and if this kid could really play the drums they way I thought he could and was down to join then it would definitely set them apart from the rest.

I was sat on one of the beanbags Matty had set up in the garage when the boys slowly trailed in after me one by one, Hann tinkering with his guitar strap, Matty with a drink in hand, Ross wolfing down the last of Denise’s shepards pie.

Matty approached me first, throwing himself down onto the large cushion beside me, kicking his legs up over my knees. “What’s the matter with you?”

“Hm?”

“I asked what the matter with you was.” Matty repeated, nudging my shin with the toe of his trainer as he drawled his sentence, making out like I was slow. I scowled and flicked his calf.

“Sod off, would you?”

“Ooh, touchy today, aren’t we?” Matty snickered, paying no mind to my ever narrowing eyes whilst he sipped away on his can, “You on your period or summat?”

“I swear to all heavens, Healy. Just ‘cause a girl won’t give you the time of day, doesn’t mean she’s on her period!” I huffed with a roll of my eyes. Fucking boys, I swear.

“Nine times out of ten it does though.”

He cackled when I thumped his thigh, all too happy to have gotten a rise out of me. But that was just Matty, and the way we often worked.

Since meeting the guys, I’d bonded with them all in different ways. Adam was the one I'd tend to drift towards for conversation, to chill and just be seen- if I ever needed a problem solving then he was my man, always there to help. 

My feelings towards Ross resembled that of a little sister's, we bickered like nothing else but laughed louder than most whenever we were together. If anything were to happen to me I knew he’d be the first person at my back, defending me to the very end. 

Matty and I though, we just connected on a whole other level. I was the Bonnie to his Clyde. Constantly in and out of each others pockets, and forever causing mayhem. He’d quickly become my best friend- though I’d never admit it to him. We shared a similar likeness that most didn’t typically get. I could tell him absolutely anything and knew he wouldn’t judge me, and he’d always be there to pick me back up whenever life kicked me down.

We were almost always together, even with the year difference in school, enough that most believed that we actually had something going on. But we didn’t. Never had. And although our dynamic was different to that of Ross and I, I was quite sure that it would stay that way. Matty was a ladies man through and through, a player of sorts- though he made it well known to anyone who asked. He had too much energy to be confined to just one person, one relationship. Me on the other hand, well, I’d never gotten very far with anyone really. But I knew that I’d want something more than just a quick shag here and there, or a secret affair shared with a handful of others. I wanted dates and flowers, late night talking and someone to simply sweep me off my feet. I think deep down Matty understood that too. It’s why we worked.

“Come on then.” Matty prodded my side, relaxing effortlessly in the beanbag beside mine. “You gonna tell me what’s got you so worked up then or what?”

“’S nothing, Matt.”

“Don’t give me that.” He retorted, rolling his eyes at me before he started routing around in his jean pocket for something or other. “Got a joint on me if you want it. Might mellow you out, babe.”

I inhaled slowly, I knew that I’d been on edge the whole walk back to Matty’s, but had tried to hide it as best as I could, especially when I saw that Denise was home. But it’d been a struggle. The guys were counting on someone to pull through for them and I wanted so badly to help. It’s why I had yet to tell any of them about my earlier encounter, fearful that if I let it slip and the lad was a no-show that I’d be to blame.

I was used to burdening the blame. But never with these guys.

I blinked back to the present just as a prerolled joint dangled above my nose, I snatched it up quick and settled back into the seat before Matty could rescind the offer.

I knew better than to ask Matty for a light though, he was forever losing the daft things. Besides, I’d taken to carrying round one of my own for a couple years now. It’d been my dad’s. 

I pulled the old metal lighter out from my back pocket and flicked it open. It was one of those hefty ones, sterling silver and with a hinged lid. This particular one had a slight dent in the side that my dad had always claimed protected his own father from taking a bullet to the hip. My grandad was from way down south, the east end mainly, and had apparently been involved in all sorts. He’d gotten himself locked up four months before my dad was actually born though, and had only really met him once he’d turned fourteen. 

They were both gone now. Six feet below and buried in soil. Though my nana was still kicking about, only she lived in London so I didn’t get to see her all that often. Only whenever mum grew sick of me, I supposed.

I lit the joint with a practiced ease and let myself relax as I drew in a lungful.

“Oi, sharing’s caring and all that.” Ross said from across the room, mouth still full of minced beef.

I snorted in amusement, “Yeah when you’ve finished eating, maybe then we’ll talk.”

“Rude.” He grumbled and when I laughed, Matty took the opportunity to take a drag himself.

“Thought you said I could have it?”

“Sharing’s caring.” Matty mimicked Ross and I rolled my eyes, unable to hide my small smile.

It was in that next moment that my life really did change though, because it was that moment that things truly started to shift for me.

A knock sounded from over by the garage door and in a simultaneous motion we all seemed to glance our heads towards it, honestly expecting to see Louis grinning cheekily and wanting to get involved in our antics like he usually did. Everyone was surprised by the unfamiliar visitor that stood there though.

I coughed up the hit I’d just taken, honestly having anticipated the lad to have stood me up. He’d been far too quiet when we’d first spoken that I’d figured he’d bail out before the boys could give even him the time of day. But he’d really surprised me. I couldn’t help but grin at him once my coughing fit had died down.

“You came!”

“Figured I’d see what’d happen.” The lad shrugged in reply, sharp eyes on me before they surveyed the rest of the room, roaming over the guys’ faces.

I jumped up out of the beanbag, throwing Matty’s feet off my lap to go and properly greet him. A little proud feeling swelling in my chest. If this worked out then the boys would forever be in debt to me. 

Hann was quick to snap out of his shock too and he put down his guitar to join me, jerking his head in greeting.

“Alright, mate. I’m Hann.”

“George.” The lad replied, nodding a hello of his own.

“Shit! I didn’t even ask your name.” I winced, giving the boy a sheepish smile. One that had his own mouth twitching ever so slightly. “I’m Y/n.”

“I know.”

I blinked, unsure on how to reply to that. But thankfully Ross had bounded on over to meet the newcomer. “Ross.” He grinned, holding out a hand like a weirdo. George hit it though, and the two of them shared an odd ‘bro-ish?’ sort of handshake that I’d never come to understand. Did all men just have a universal greeting installed in their heads the day that they were born?

“George.” The lad repeated and I really took in his name that second time around. It suited him. Bit long, but it would do.

“And that twat in the corner is Matty, our main singer.” Ross went on to say, gesturing over to where Matty was still sat sprawled on the beanbag. I rolled my eyes at him but was mostly just thankful that Ross had put down his third helping of dinner to come and say hello.

“Oh, so that’s what this is then?” George questioned as he glanced over at me, not even phased by Matty’s dickish tendencies and having been flat out ignored by the twat.

I gave him another impish grin before turning to face the room, wanting all the boys’ attention on me now. “Well, you see, George plays the drums, yeah?” I revealed slowly, hoping they’d quickly catch on, “Like, plays them really really well.”

George’s cheeks were a little pink when I peered round at him, but he didn’t seem all that embarrassed by my compliment or the ambush of questions that immediately followed my little introduction.

And in the next instant, Ross was beckoning George on over to where the drum kit resided in the corner. George’s eyes roamed across the bloody thing like most boys did cars, or girls… And I smirked to myself as I wandered back over to my usual seat, my focus on the way Ross and Hann were still talking to the lad, Adam handing him a pair of sticks.

I was excited to say the least as I watched George settle into his chair, testing the kit lightly, not giving much away.

“Fuck d'ya find ‘im?” Came Matty’s mumbled snort from beside me and I shot him a puzzled look, having heard the deride in his tone. “Looks about nine.”

“Matty.” I scolded lowly, not wanting George to overhear and have him feel unwelcome.

“What? He’s a bit odd ain’t he?” He retorted through a soft cloud of smoke, I snatched the joint back off him. “All tall and gangly. That accent too.” He wrinkled his nose in a grimace. 

“Shut up, would you?” I huffed, not wanting to deal with whatever the fuck he was feeling then. 

Sure, George was taller than most. Similar height to that of Ross though, really. And he wasn’t all that gangly- who the hell even said gangly, anyway? He was more lean than lanky, his shoulders broad and his face well sculpted. He might’ve been a tad bit odd, what with his syllabic answers and mostly emotionless front. Or at least I hoped it was a front, something which I could sort of relate to.

“He’s probably just nervous.” I said to Matty, taking a drag as I watched Hann explain something or other to him. “I didn’t tell him about the band or nowt, just said to pop by. He’s proper good though, Matt.”

“Yeah?” I heard Matty say, “How’d you even know?”

“Heard him.” I replied and glanced over my shoulder to give him an amused look, “How the fuck else would I know?”

“Don’t be a prick.” Matty huffed at me, nabbing back what little remained of the joint. I shrugged. “You know what I meant.”

I did, but he was being difficult for no reason. “Music room, earlier today.”

I didn’t get the chance to hear Matty’s response to that because George begun to play and everyone’s focus fell on him, observing the way he so effortlessly played, listening to the rhythm that just flowed out of his palms.

I smiled broadly, feeling a little too smug when Hann and Ross beamed at the kid, whooping and hollering as George banged out another tune.

“Fuckin’ hell! You hearin’ this, Healy? Could give you a run for your money!” Ross bellowed, cracking up when Matty flipped him off. I chuckled to myself too and Hann asked George to play something they might know.

“Um,” George thought the request over, then nodded just the once before he started with a few taps to the bass drum pedal which led into the intro to one of the most brilliant Van Halen songs. 

Ross’s eyes lit up when he recognised it and he hastily made his way over to his bass, Hann followed, mesmerised by the effortless ease George used, and the two of them soon started to chime in, following George’s lead. I grinned, mumbling the words for Hot for teacher quietly to myself whilst my foot tapped away. They were brilliant, I could only imagine what they’d sound like with Matty up there with them.

I was smiling like a mad man by the time they all sort of fell out of it, laughing whilst I applauded them loudly. “Whoo! Didn’t I say he was good? I did, didn’t I?”

“Yeah, you did. Now quiet down, can already see your head getting bigger from way over here.” Ross mocked me with a teasing smile, I stuck two fingers up at him in retort and made to stand.

“He is good though.” Adam acknowledged, gifting George a wry smile. “You always play like that?” He asked and the lad shrugged.

“Depends, don’t always have an audience.”

I snorted softly but my attention dithered when Matty got up behind me and abruptly left the garage through the side door without another word. I frowned after him, so bewildered, then turned back towards the others.

Ross was shaking his head, fiddling with the nobs on his bass, whilst Adam forced a smile. Both of them used to it.

“Don’t mind him, mate. He’s a right diva, hates not being centre of attention.” Hann joked, ebbing some of the tension Matty’s departure had created like only he could.

I swallowed and stepped closer to the rest of them, “Hann’s right. He’ll come ‘round- that’s if he can stay?” I glanced between both Ross and Adam then, shoulders pulled up towards my ears.

Hann’s mouth twitched into a lopsided smile but Ross was the one to give me a valid answer, or rather George.

“When can you start?”

—

The thing about boys was, they were ten times more confusing than girls.

With girls, you sort of knew where you stood. If a girl didn’t like you, you’d know about it. But boys, they were just so difficult. And patronisingly so. 

I was only saying all this because it’d been a couple of weeks since George had actually agreed to join the band as their drummer. Something that Matty had huffed and puffed but said no more about. Neither one of them had tried to get to know the other. George was perfectly content to keep to himself when Ross and Hann’s attention was being occupied by Matty. And Matty was bitchy enough to leave the room midway through any conversation he grew bored with- which was typically whenever George spoke up. 

So it was safe to say that boys were infuriatingly stubborn, and these two in particular were driving me up the wall.

I hadn’t spoken much to George, only really got a couple of words out of him whenever I tagged along to practice, and then it was just a nod or a simple greeting when we passed by one another in school. Though he was in my year and, after that first session with the guys, I found that he kept popping up in a lot of the classes I’d failed to notice him in before.

Matty complained about George whenever he was bored, or when one of the boys brought up inviting him along to a party or out to the skatepark with them. I didn’t know what the fuck he had against the younger lad- had fought tooth and nail to get the answer out of him as subtly as I could- but he just wouldn’t budge. And me, being the best mate I was, felt a little weird about being friendly with George, even if it was only to make the band’s life easier. It was as though the loyalty I had for Matty interfered with me playing nice with the guy.

It was hard. And I was quickly growing tired of it.

Especially when I couldn’t help but admire George a small bit for the uncaring role he played in it all, he truly didn’t care that Matty was ‘Matty’, popular and loved by practically everyone. Matty, who always had a flock of girls fawning after him, lads wanting to be him, and teachers letting him off scot-free because they thought him to be a harmless joker. In George’s eyes Matty had it so easy and that’s why he got to act out the way he did.

It all came to a head one band practice though.

“Matty.” Ross sighed from over the neck of his guitar, beyond fed up now with his mate’s antics. 

It was almost eight and we’d all been here since four trying to rehearse for this little gig at the local pub. Hann had scored the thing, gotten his mate behind the bar to have a word with the owner. The bloke had said that they could play but they’d only get paid for it in drinks. Which had been a win-win for the guys.

Matty however was currently in one of his moods. The type he often got whenever his mum and dad had been arguing, the kind where he just wanted to piss about and forget he had responsibilities. It was something I could understand. One of the main reasons we’d bonded so quickly. Trauma calls to trauma- is that how the saying went?

Anyway, he was currently faffing about on the phone outside the garage to whichever girl he had on the go at the moment. He was laughing loudly, talking loudly, but drinking heavily. For a Thursday night at least. 

I sighed, picking at a loose thread on my shorts. I wanted to shake him, have him understand and see what everyone else was feeling. But Matty could be selfish when he wanted to be, especially when he was bricking up those walls of his higher than ever. It was in those moments, even I struggled to get through to him. 

Typically we’d all call it a night and try again another time, but this gig was tomorrow. And the guys still hadn’t gotten halfway through their planned setlist.

I say setlist, but it was five songs. One of which was the only original, the rest covers.

“Matt.” I called out tiredly. Matty merely flapped a hand at me. A universal sign for ‘just gimme a sec’.

Hann looked just about ready to scream, slumped against an amp, guitar forgotten beside him. And Ross was in a similar mindset, hands fisted by his sides to keep himself from wringing Matty’s neck.

I glanced over to where George was quietly tapping away on his drum kit, nodding his head along to whatever beat he had going on in his head. 

The more George had started to hang about, the more I'd started to deduce him.

At first, I thought he might’ve just been shy because of how little he’d spoken. But he fucking wasn’t, that much was easy to see when you knew where (or rather when) to look. The lads had commented on it at first, just poking fun and teasing, but I’d kept my opinion to myself- not sure why, just had, simpler that way, I figured. George wasn’t shy, no, but he was quiet. He preferred thinking, observing, over being the main focus. Much more aware of the things that went on than what he made it out like.

I blinked, breath hitching when I realised he’d caught me staring. Brown eyes now locked on mine. They were intense, squinted slightly beneath a band of dark lashes. He quirked a brow and I skirted my gaze away briefly, before I got over myself, as well as the strange feeling I felt, and moved across the room to join him.

He’d stopped tapping away when he’d glanced over at me, but he kept his sticks in his hands even as I rounded the kit, fingertips trailing across a cymbal.

“So, how you liking school?” 

I wasn’t sure why I asked that. But it felt like a safe place to start. To be honest, I wasn’t sure why I was starting up a conversation at all. I just felt the need to. 

“It’s school.” George replied and I chuckled at that, eyes flicking between the drum kit and his slumped form, his eyes followed my movements.

“I mean, you’re new right? So, was just wondering how it felt.” I shrugged, feeling a tad bit stupid but not letting it show.

George shrugged a single shoulder. “It’s alright, not the first time I’ve moved though.”

My eyebrows rose at that. “Oh yeah?”

He hummed, drumstick tapping against the inside of his wrist. “Yeah.”

I cracked a small smile, he wasn’t much of a talker. Or at least not with me.

“What made you join the band then?” I attempted, figuring I’d try my hand at a new subject. Gaze lingering on the rhythmic tic his hand made.

“You lot are nice enough. It gets me out the house.” He told me.

I dipped my head, I’d felt similarly at first. “I’ll take that.”

“Who says I was talking about you?” George quipped back all too quickly, one corner of his mouth deepening as he fought a smile. 

I narrowed my eyes at him. Baby drummer’s got jokes, it seemed. Definitely not shy then, maybe just out of his comfort zone..?

“You better be.” I told him in all seriousness. 

He chuckled softly and I practically beamed, proud that I’d been the one to cause it.

“Oi, are we fuckin’ practicing or you two just gonna stand about flirtin’ all night?”

My head snapped up at the sound of Matty’s vengeful voice and I felt a sudden anger radiate in me. In all the time I’d known Matty, never had he ever truly angered me- annoyed me, sure, pissed me off, of course! But angered me? No. He’d just tried to embarrass me now though, all but used me as a worthless pawn in this stupid grudge he held against George. Like it hadn’t just been him wasting everybody’s time. 

Where the fuck did he get off on judging my actions, anyway? When all we’d been doing was talking, and when I’d all but ignored George for as long as he’d been hanging around. 

“Are you serious?” I questioned him, hand falling away from the cymbal I’d been tinkering with and down to my side as I stared blankly back at him. He was off the phone now, but the thing was still dangling against his leg, a new can of cider taking up his other hand.

“Yeah. We’re all waiting.” Matty said with a snarky smile, extending his arms out either side of him. “So, you two done then or..?”

Hann looked vaguely uncomfortable, whilst Ross went to say something.

Only George beat him to it.

“Fuck off.” The blond scoffed at him, startling not just Matty, who his words had been aimed at, but all of us.

“Oh, so he speaks!” Matty mocked openly when he finally got over the shock of the unexpected reply, laughing at George now. “Aren’t you a bit too young to be swearing’ though, kid?”

“Aren’t you a bit too privileged to be acting like a whiney prick?” George shot straight back, deep voice staying at the same level it was always in.

Ross choked on a laugh and Hann’s mouth dropped open. My eyes widened on their own accord and darted between both Matty and George, who seemed to be in an uncomfortable standoff.

“You wanna say that a-fuckin’-gain?” Matty snapped back at him, anger fuelling his tone now. “You don’t know nothin' about me. So where the fuck d’you get off on callin’ me that?”

George’s mouth pulled up into a smirk and I was stunned. Unaware that he could even smile properly.

“Hit a nerve? You’re an entitled prick, mate.” George told him with a careless shrug, “You waste all of our time acting like an arse, then come back in here and try embarrass us for talking. Ain’t she meant to be your mate?”

“I don’t think I’ve ever heard him say so many words.” I heard Ross mutter, but was too enthralled in the matter at hand to find any amusement in it, though Hann on the other hand did. 

Matty grit his teeth, spitting a bit. “I’d be careful, yeah? ’Cause remember, you’re in my house. My fuckin’ band, alright?”

George snorted in reply, as though he could care less. Finding Matty amusing, which only proved to agitate him further. “Could be sat at the bottom of the ocean for all I care, mate, and you’d still be a massive fucking twat.”

Hann must’ve sensed it coming because he jumped up and grabbed Matty by the shoulders before he could make a lunge at George. He lugged the idiot out of the room before he could do anything else- which wasn’t hard in his less than sober state- all of us just watching on as Matty snarled every name under the sun at George.

The door closed behind them with a resounding slam that had me jumping slightly in my skin. 

A silence settled afterwards, eery and cold. The kind that made you realise all the heat had been bled from the room.

I turned away from the stare Ross seemed unable to help and tugged a hand through my hair, hoping that the gesture would give me a second to calm the pounding of my heart, the wetness in my eyes.

I was shaken. 

Which was the last thing I ever expected to feel when I was with the boys. This garage was my safe place, they were my safe place. And I suddenly felt so stupid for letting myself get so caught up in it all.

I coughed lightly to cover up the sniff I couldn’t help but make and turned back to face the two remaining lads with a very forced smile.

“Guess that’s practice over then.” I chuckled lowly, moving away from George to start packing things away.

“Guess so.” Ross added awkwardly, scratching what little there was to the beard he’d been trying to grow.

I saw George shake his head out of the corner of my eye, but he didn’t say anything so the three of us just started silently moving things about. Ross put the combos and guitars back in the corner, before he made a start on wrapping up wires. George picked up the rubbish that’d been tossed about the room, then worked on moving the larger amps to one side. 

I grabbed the expensive mic Matty had discarded on the floor and put it back in its case, before I wandered over to dismantle the mic stand. It was easy enough but often grew tricky by the third bar where it was always tighter. I tried tugging it a few times before I huffed to myself, it was then that George came over to squat down beside me and help out.

“Thanks.” I murmured once he’d released the two bars from one another, handing them over wordlessly.

“No worries.” He mentioned, and I focused hard on not glancing his way again as I continued to place the parts of the stand in another styrofoam case. He cleared his throat lightly, still there, and I chewed the inside of my cheek, expecting him to speak again. He did. “I’m sorry if I made things worse. I know you and him are close, but… I dunno, he just rilled me up.”

I had to look at George then, surprised by his maturity. Not many people apologised for their part in things, especially when they hadn’t really been at fault. It was new to me.

“You’re fine. He just gets like that sometimes. Don’t worry about it, yeah?”

I stood then and moved across the room to put the cases in the locker Matty liked to keep them in, not giving George the chance to reply. All I wanted now was my bed. But that meant going home, and that upped the chances of me running into my mum and her new boyfriend.

Hann came back a few short minutes after, looking like a piano had been dropped on his head. He sighed defeatedly, rubbing a hand over his face as he closed the door behind him.

“What happened?” Ross asked, blue cable wound up in his right hand.

Adam levelled him with a look. “His mum, they got into an argument, woke Louis. He ended up leaving.”

I withheld a sigh. For fucks sake, Matty.

“Sorry about that, mate.” Hann added, looking to George now. The boy waved him off but Adam chewed on his lower lip for a second, then glanced between the three of us. “You lot ready to head off then?”

We all gave an assorted sound of approval, finishing up with whatever tasks we’d started before we moved to grab our bags. The four of us headed out of the garage in silence and I felt a bit bad not saying goodbye to Denise like I typically did, but knew she probably had worser things to worry about than me. So the garage door slid shut behind us on its automatic hinge and we all set off down the drive. 

When we reached the bottom, Ross stopped me short with a gentle hand to my elbow.

“You gonna be alright?” He asked, and I knew why but feigned I was fine.

“‘Course.”

He left it at that. 

We all walked to the bottom of Matty’s street and it got to the point in the road where we usually went our separate ways.

“Skive off tomorrow so we can practice?” Hann suggested as we came to a slow halt and Ross and George both nodded, before the three of them turned to me. I blinked, surprised by the offer.

“Um, yeah. Okay.”

“Good.” Ross grinned, nudging my arm with his own. “‘Cause we need our manager there to keep us sane.”

I huffed out an airy chuckle and rolled my eyes at him. “See you tomorrow, MacDonald.”

Ross gifted me quirked grin and Adam tugged me into a short hug before they then said their goodbyes to George. My brow pinched at that and was suddenly filled with sudden apprehension when I realised that George was in fact headed my way too.

In all the weeks he’d been at practice, I typically spent a little while longer hanging about Matty’s whilst the rest of them headed home. So this was the first time I realised that I’d be walking back with George.

“Tomorrow, ten am, yeah?” Hann reminded and we all nodded, the question of whether Matty would make an appearance went unsaid.

Ross and Hann begun to pull away and I found myself turning away too, taking a step back and inhaling when George followed. 

We both walked quietly for a minute or two, just taking in the late evening air. I hiked my bag higher up my shoulder and was both relieved and full of anxiety when he finally spoke up.

“I know you probably don’t want to talk about it, but if you do, well I don’t mind listening.”

My brows rose in honest surprise. Quiet George was willing to break the silence he so often favoured for little old me?

I wanted to brush his attempt off, make out like I was fine and crack a joke to ebb the tension. But I couldn’t, because I was full of too many emotions that I couldn’t make out which ones were real and which ones were fake. 

I tugged on my lower lip before I licked at the flesh there, eyes on the steps I took, shoes trailing over cracks in the cobblestones.

“He’s never been like that before. Least not with me.” I had to state, wanting to stick up for Matty even though he’d been an utter prat. “Just surprised me ’s all.”

“Still gave him no right.” George replied and I wanted to bite back at him, release that anger his comment stirred in me, but he was right.

I ticked my jaw from side to side, then shrugged. “He’s going through a lot.”

“Aren’t we all?”

I peered over towards him then, that rhetorical question sounded more like an admission. I didn’t comment on it though. I had no right.

“Yeah.” I said quietly instead.

We walked a little further and I found myself glancing up at him from time to time. He was almost a head taller than me, and had a strong nose that was softened by the freckles on his cheeks and the droop of his eyes.

“You excited for tomorrow night?” I asked him, my voice and the hum of the old railway were the only things to make any noise.

George gazed down at me, “‘Spose.”

I couldn’t help my soft laughter. “You suppose?”

“Yeah.” He shrugged, smirking faintly now, “Might’ve felt differently if we’d managed to finish working on the set.”

“Fair.” I chuckled.

“What about you?”

I don’t know why but I was surprised he’d reiterated the question back to me. Maybe it was because I’d figured we’d just slump along in awkward silence. But I didn’t feel any awkwardness at all.

“I’m looking forward to it. You guys are incredible.” I told him honestly, “A little apprehensive, but I know you’ll pull it off whatever happens.”

George hummed. “Hold you to it.”

I laughed again, only to realise we’d made it to the end of my street. “I’m up there.” I told him, pointing towards a dark house further up.

He jerked his head in a nod, looking away from the row of homes to gesture towards the street over. “I’m that way.”

It was my turn to hum now, rocking back slightly on my feet. “So I’ll see you tomorrow then…”

With a dip of his chin and his hands in his pockets, George just nodded as we parted ways.

And I did see him that next day. Only it wasn’t in Matty’s garage, because he was stood waiting for me at the end of my street.

…

It was that first gig together that sent a solidifying ripple through Matty and George’s tentative relationship.

We’d all met up that Friday morning, as planned, George and I having walked into Matty’s garage on the defence, but it’d seemed that the curly haired lad was singing a whole other tune. Matty had appeared truly apologetic for how things had gone down the previous night, and not just to me either. He even went out of his way to have a talk with George outside before we got down to business, which had surprised the three of us who remained.

When the pair of them had come back in, Matty was grinning from ear to ear and George’s eyes were set on me, I smiled when I noticed him wearing one of his own.

That was the first practice we all ended up really enjoying, and it’d been just in time too because the guys went out and absolutely killed their gig later that evening. They’d had half the locals up on their feet and gotten the pub packed full with a bunch of people from school. It’d definitely been a night to remember, not just because of how it had all worked out in the end, but it’d also been the night that Matty changed the band’s name- again.

—

“Mattyyyy, I swear! I just don’t know what to do!” I whined from where I was hanging off the side of his huge wooden bed.

Matty was propped up just below me on his phone texting whoever, his mum having invited me over for Sunday tea. I smacked his arm when he only continued to ignore me.

“Jesus. What do you want me to say!” Matty exclaimed, snorting when he glanced up at me and caught sight of my very distressed frown. “It’s just George, babe. He’s harmless.”

“I fucking know that! But… I don’t know, it’s just-”

I was about to say weird. But I’d stopped myself before I could let the word slip, because that didn’t feel like the right way to describe how I felt about it.

You see, for some maddening reason George had taken it upon himself to start popping up every and anywhere I might be. A bit like an annoying fly really. 

It’d started with the waiting. Remember? That first morning we skived off school to practice for their gig… Well, George had taken that as a silent invitation to continue doing exactly that, just every day.

Not just that either. He seemed to appear whenever he pleased, too. Had taken to sitting in the seat beside me during maths because he knew I sucked at it. Shared his food with me, or would slide a couple quid across the table, whenever I had no lunch. And I kept finding his eyes on me more often than not. 

The whole thing was driving me mad and I had zero clue as to why. Because it was anything any other normal mate would do. Hell, it was exactly what the other boys would do for me as well as one another, it’s what Vicky tended to do whenever we would have one of our catch ups. But things just felt a whole lot different with George.

It was like he always knew more than he was letting on. And that on its own set me on edge.

I didn’t want or need anyone digging any deeper than what I allowed, I couldn’t have anyone seeing what I tried so hard to hide.

And so the situation with George did grate on me a bit. And I had taken to complaining to Matty about it every chance I got. Not that the dickhead seemed to care, he was always off in his own world. Had his own shit to deal with. Seeing how his mum and dad were currently in the middle of a divorce, I could understand why he found my hysterical venting amusing.

Still.

“Look, he’s just bein’ friendly. Might even have a bit of a crush on you, babe- ‘cause I mean, what’s not to like, ey?” Matty grinned, winking up at me from the floor, I groaned and rolled my eyes in reply. “Anyway, it’ll blow over soon enough and hey, you might even miss the attention.”

I scowled and tossed one of the many pillows his bed homed at his giant head. 

That was the last time I spoke to Matty about it. Deciding then and there that I’d just let George do as he pleased, if it made him happy helping me out or tagging along, then fine. He could have it his way. I’d just have to find a way to get over it.

—

It was late. Nearing two in the morning and I was still wide awake.

I could hear them, in the room next to mine. They’d been at it for hours now, long enough that I was both mortified and utterly mystified by the fact that the neighbours had yet to have the police knocking down our door.

He was fucking her now, but in a minute or two they’d be back to fighting again. You could count on it. Mum and Steven moved like clockwork. Steven was her newest thing, they’d been together a few short weeks now, ever since Julio had come and gone. Julio who had stuck around the longest so far, a whole nine months. The guy had been a layabout, but he hadn’t ever laid a hand on me. Something I was grateful for, but something Steven couldn’t account for as well.

No, Steven was a lot more violent than the rest, but I much preferred violence over-

I inhaled, in and out. Out then in.

I buried my face further into my pillowcase. I had school in the morning, and no idea how I was going to function if things continued like this.

I kept on breathing though. Attempting to tune them out. To sleep.

I knew it’d been a long time coming but I still startled when I heard the thud and then the loud wail which followed. I froze in my bed but couldn’t stop myself from listening out. Wondering if this was the hit that finally killed her.

No. 

She was calling out to him again. Trying to stop it, stop him, trying to calm him down. 

But you should know better by now, mum.

“Stop! Julio, stop please!” 

My breath caught in the back of my throat at her pleading shout. Either Julio had finally reappeared in my mum’s bedroom during the middle of the night, or my mum had done something so incredibly stupid. She’d called Steven by another man’s name.

“The fuck did you just call me?” I heard him bellow through the paper thin walls of our tiny townhouse. Another thump. And then an ominous thud.

“Steven! I said Steven!” My mum wailed.

She sounded so desperate I had to squeeze my eyes close, as though I was the one facing the brunt of his fists.

He started roaring, swearing loudly in that Liverpool accent of his. And rained down on her harder than anyone else ever had. Thump after thump. She screamed, cried, wailed. Pleading loudly now, loud enough for the whole neighbourhood to hear. So how could he not?

But we all knew he could, he just didn’t care. To him she was merely a toy.

“Steven!”

I hadn’t even realised I was up and out of my bed, let alone standing on the landing, before I was staring up into a face full of fury. 

The door to their bedroom had been wrenched open, my fingers pale and tight around the handle, though I could hardly feel the metal beneath them now.

“The fuck do you want?”

I had no time to even answer him, my eyes locked on my mum’s bloody form when a fist came flying at me. It sent me back, knocked me into the banister hard enough to welt my spine, and I whimpered but made no other noise, keeping my jaw locked tight and my bleary eyes trained on him even as he approached. Stomping like the child he was.

“Fuckin’ miserable little thing you. Yer mother never teach you to mind yer business- yer manners?” He spat at me, and I took it as well as the next thump when he propelled my head off the wooden railing behind me. “Breathe another word and you’ll be in for worse next time. Now fuck off, would ya.”

I slid by him as fast as I could without looking like I was about to piss myself, my mum stood in the bedroom doorway now, lip and face bloodied around a lazy smile. “Night, sweetheart.” She said, like nothing was the matter. 

I forced a lump of bile back down my throat and nodded, knowing if I ignored her I’d only be in for another blow- or a shove down the stairs.

She and Steven went back inside, him thundering as he went and shouting some more. I let go of the shaky breath I'd been clinging on to before I tiptoed as quickly as I could into my own room. I grabbed my mobile and my trainers, brain practically working on autopilot, then I was down the stairs and out the front door before I could second guess it.

I don’t know how far I walked or what time it was but I remember calling Matty. I called a few times actually, each time it went straight to voicemail. His phone was off.

I debated phoning Adam or Ross, maybe even Vicky. But I couldn’t bring myself to do so.

Instead I wrapped my arms around my chest, shivering without really feeling the cold that swept past me and letting my feet lead me wherever they pleased. My body seemed to collapse somewhere between the bridge on Brook Street and the little playground a couple blocks over from mine though. I curled up on the bench there, dragged my knees up towards my shoulders and clung to them tightly.

I stared off into the darkness for a little while. Not caring what I looked like or who might find me come sunrise. Just staring ahead at the squeaking swings in the distance and the grassy fields that surrounded the nearby estate.

“Y/n?”

I blinked at the sound of my name, but had to hear it a few more times before I finally pulled myself out of the daze I’d fallen into and looked away.

I was stunned to see George stood there towering above me, clad in a grey hoodie and a pair of jogging shorts. His face was one of complete shock, something that would’ve made me laugh any other day, seeing as he was always so stoic looking. But I couldn’t. Not then. I didn’t even know how I was still breathing.

“Fucking hell, what, what h-”

George stopped himself short and approached me with a wary caution, I was thankful he hadn’t finished that sentence and didn’t stop him when he took the seat beside me on the wearing wooden bench.

He must’ve tugged his hoodie off at some point because I felt him drape it around me in the next moment. It was warm, a stark and sudden contrast to the numbness I’d been feeling since I’d left my bed.

“What are you doing here?” I croaked out, once the panic had become too much to bare and I felt as though every nerve-ending in my body was slowly igniting. I had to fill the silence with something. I didn’t want to think any longer. I couldn’t. Not with questions like ‘Was she even still alive?’ and ‘Did she even care?’ on my mind. 

“I,” George started, drawing my focus, and seemed to take a deep breath before he continued on, “I like going on walks, when I can’t sleep. Helps clear my head.”

I let that lie between us and then asked, “Why?” 

I stared blankly ahead again, too scared to face him. Or rather, him face me. To see the damaged goods I really was. 

“My mum’s home.” He told me quietly, wind whistling around us. I found it comforting that he knew instantly what question I’d really been asking. 

I hummed. My mum was home too, but I wished she wasn’t.

“She works a lot. Abroad mostly, ’s why we move around so much.” George explained to me, and I knew why he was telling me all this when he’d never let a word slip about his home life before. 

It was an eye for an eye situation. He’d seen me like this, battered and bruised. And wanted to make sure it was clear that he didn’t have the upper hand here, that I wouldn’t think he had something he could use against me.

“My dad reckons she means well, but…” He just shrugged, hands tucked into the pockets of his shorts. I took note of the thin white tee he wore and the way he tried not to shiver. “We don’t get on.”

“She ever hurt you?”

I don’t know why I asked it. But I did. I wanted to pry, to cut him open and see if he bled the same way I had. 

“Slapped me twice. First time, she cried. Second, was tonight.” 

I let that sink in.

“My mum’s boyfriend did this.” I let slip quietly, hoping that the wind around us was strong enough to howl over my words. But I’d never been that lucky. George tensed beside me. Rigid as a rock. He’d heard.

In and out. I repeated the motion, the words on a loop in my head.

“You know that coffee shop over on Durham?” He asked me next, catching me off guard. Confused, I nodded. “You reckon you can get there?”

I nodded again, though I was still unsure. On whether I could make it, and if I should trust him here. It wouldn’t be the first time someone close to me let me down.

George seemed to sense my uncertainty and merely waited me out.

I took a deep breath after a long moment had passed and stood on shaky legs. He came to a stand next to me but kept his hands firmly in his pockets, making sure I noticed that fact too. A gesture that eased a fraction of my anxiety.

Slowly we walked together over to the small coffee shop that was open all hours, not uttering a single word the entire way. My body ached but I carried on, slipping his hoodie on properly once we’d finally neared the shops flickering ‘open’ sign. I tugged the hood up too to hide some of my face before we entered, unsure of what I might’ve looked like.

George went in first and held the door open for me, making sure to stay in my line of sight at all times, even when he offered to go order whilst I found us a table.

I grunted to myself when my tender skin brushed against the back of the booth I’d chosen in the far corner, one where I could watch the door and have no one at my back.

I sat there, waiting, and attempted to occupy my mind with the quiet song which was playing overhead, fingers fidgeting with the salt shaker all the while. 

George returned a few minutes afterwards, tray in hand. He motioned towards it once he’d sat down opposite. “Got a couple warm drinks- you like tea right?” He asked me, and I nodded, surprised that he’d remembered, before he carried on, “Got a cup of water too, to clean your face up if you wanted.”

I swallowed thickly at the kind thought and carefully guided one of the warm mugs he’d purchased towards me, wrapping my hands around it and savouring its steaming heat.

“I can’t really see it, so there’s no point.” I murmured, staring down into the milky brew.

He was quiet for a few seconds, shaking a sugar packet before pouring it into his coffee. “I can do it if you want.”

I peered up at him and tried to hide my wariness. The way my body immediately stilled and pulled away. George didn’t say anything about it though, just continued to stir his overly sweetened cup.

I licked at my lip and tasted the thick metal that then coated my tongue. It was that which drove me to nod at him. George didn’t smile or acknowledge my nervousness, merely took a napkin and dipped it into the water. We both leant in further across the table at the same time. I forced myself to stay frozen when he begun to dab at my broken skin.

After a few napkins had been stained a crimson red, I finally relaxed a tad, glancing up at George’s own face whilst he worked deftly on mine.

It was then that I noticed the mark he’d mentioned having received earlier. A scatter of faint red dots in the shape of fingers sat alongside a fine welt that rested on his cheekbone. It made me wonder what had happened. If he’d been asking for it or if she’d done it out of anger.

Had I been asking for it? I wondered, drawing back into myself a tad. But stopped when I hissed outwardly, snapping my eyes up to meet his.

“Sorry.”  George murmured, trying to be gentler when he wiped at my lip again.

“It’s okay. Just, didn’t expect it.”

He nodded in quiet understanding but said nothing further, and soon enough he tossed the final napkin onto the pile he’d made and simply went back to his coffee. I couldn’t help my tiny smile. Thankful, for once, to have him there.

…

After that night I started to lean on George a little bit more. More than I should’ve, in truth. 

I was hardly even aware of though, until it was much too late. ’Til I realised I was looking at him in a whole other light. One I’d taken to avoiding since the day I’d met him. 

We walked to school together every morning, met the guys at the gates and then separated from them at first bell. We hauled up in the music room at break, talking and telling one another quiet truths. Spent lunchtime smoking behind the bike shed, sometimes with Vicky, other times with one or two of the boys. We went to practice together and then walked home together. Met up when either one of us ‘couldn���t sleep’ and got far too familiar with the staff in Bru, that coffee shop we’d ventured into that first night. Even took to exploring the city I’d lived in my whole life. Travelling down to the yard, and wasting days in the park and arcade. 

I depended on him always being there, I realised after a short while, and didn’t really seem to mind it. Which was as much strange as it was terrifying. George quickly became my person, a truth in a world full of lies. It was hard to comprehend most days.

—

“Oi, you’re definitely coming to Jamie’s party tonight right?” Vicky called out to me from across the worktop, we were currently in food tech and she was trying her very hardest to save the burnt sponge she’d made to no avail.

My eyes darted over to where George was stood working on the table over, then nodded at her. “Should be.”

“Great.” She grinned at me, “You bringing your boys along with you?”

I cocked an amused brow at her. She’d taken to calling them that. My boys.

“Don’t own them.”

Vic rolled her eyes at my answer then turned to shout over her shoulder at George before I could think to stop her, “You coming tonight then, Daniels?”

George’s head swivelled around towards us but it took him a second to stop working on his white icing before he answered. He glanced towards me first, a question dancing in his eyes. I gave a subtle nod, not even thinking about it. He mimicked it. “Should be.” He told her, wiping his dirty hands on a damp tea towel.

Vicky groaned loudly in return, “You two, I swear! You drive me insane.”

George’s forehead furrowed, obviously confused by her obvious irritation.

“She said the exact same thing!” Vicky huffed in explanation before she turned on him once more, “Just do me a favour and make sure she’s there, alright? It’s important.”

I released a light air of laughter whilst George’s mouth just quirked upwards into a small smile, he saluted her like a soldier would a general. “Yes, mam.”

“Ooh, I like the sound of that.” Vicky mentioned, a devious smile liming her lips.

I snorted. 

“At ease, soldier.” I said to George before he wandered over to join me, swiping a finger through my freshly sifted icing. “Oi!”

“What?” George questioned me innocently, as though he hadn’t just put his grubby fingers in my food.

“I swear if Hanson marks me down ‘cause of that, I will string you up by the balls and dangle you from the school’s roof.” I warned him seriously.

Vicky giggled to herself, “Kinky.”

I rolled my eyes at her, whilst George just smirked, taking claim of my seat.

“You finished with yours then?” I asked him, still working on the roses I’d sculpted for the top of my dessert.

He hummed a quiet confirmation and begun to play with the string of my apron. I peered over at his station and was a tad bit impressed by the cake I saw. Vicky followed and whistled at the sight of it.

“Wow, Daniels. If drumming doesn’t work out for you, baking just might.”

“A man of many talents, our Georgie.” I teased, bopping his nose and staining the tip of it with a print of icing sugar. Vic giggled again and George scrunched his face up at me.

“George Daniel, in your seat please!” Miss Hanson interrupted as she looped back round and George gave me a ‘what can you do?” sort of look, before he sighed and went back to his assigned seat, wiping a hand full of icing across my cheek as he did so. I gasped. 

“Prick!”

“Miss Y/l/n, language! Might I remind you that we are in a classroom not a zoo.”

I gifted the woman a strained smile and felt my left eye twitch. “Yes, Miss Hanson. Sorry, Miss Hanson.”

She merely harrumphed and plodded away, I made a face at her back. Vic snorted behind a crumb covered hand.

“That woman will be the death of me, I swear.” I grumbled unhappily.

Vicky was smirking when I glanced back up at her though, doing little to hide her ever rising amusement. I knew right then what was coming just by the look on her face.

“Detention, Miss Y/l/n. Lunchtime.” Miss Hanson grunted out and instantly my face fell. Vicky continued to snicker away at my expense. 

“You’ll pay for that.” I mouthed to her, only to receive a feigned blameless smile in response. It was in that next moment that Miss Hanson shouted out again.

“Mr Daniel, same goes to you! Lunchtime detention. What on earth has gotten into all of you?”

Both Vicky and I snapped our attention in the direction of George’s table to find that he’d upturned a bowl full of flour onto the counter and drawn a leaking appendage into it. Both of our eyes widened before we burst out laughing. 

“Miss Taylor, do you wish to join them both?” Miss Hanson threatened and Vicky was quick to quieten down, shaking her head at the older woman. 

“No, miss.”

“Good, then I advise you to continue with your work.”

Miss Hanson moved on after that and whilst I struggled to get ahold of my chuckles, I saw Vicky waggle her brows at me before she jerked her chin over towards George, who was cleaning up his powdery mess. Confused, I shot her a bewildered look. But she merely smirked in turn, shaking her head at me.

I frowned but continued on rolling my roses, mind lingering on what she could’ve possibly meant. 

…

Jamie Taylor’s parties were always something to remember.

The first one I’d ever gone to was for J’s birthday, he’d gone all out for it, decorated a bit, even had one of his mate’s older brothers supply a couple crates and bottles for us all. 

Originally it’d been his mum that had forced him to invite Vicky and I along, which had put a bit of a downer on the whole thing, but the pair of us had been far too excited to have the chance to hang ‘round with the older kids at school and dress up a bit to care. 

In truth, it’d been the first proper party I’d ever attended- if you didn’t count the one Sarah Whelts had thrown back in primary school, though that had been just as sick seeing as she’d had it in the local Maccies. 

But yeah, that party was also the first time I snogged a lad. Like properly. It’d actually been with one of Jamie’s friends- his best mate, if we were being dead honest here- and it’d had my head spinning. Vicky had caught the two of us in the upstairs loo though and hadn’t shut up about it for weeks afterwards. To say she’d put me off wanting to get with him again was a massive understatement, she’d hung it over my head for ages, threatening to let it slip to J whenever she was in one of her annoying moods.

This time around though, all I wanted was to have a good time. After the shit day I’d had, I figured I deserved the chance to drown my sorrows.

“Hey, hey! There she is!” 

I glanced up just as I made it through the front door and gave a smile when I spotted the man of the hour headed my way.

“Alright, Jaim.” I greeted as he roped an arm around me to pull me into a tight hug, he smelt of his usual aftershave and the lingering tinge of smoke.

“I’m grand, babe.” Jamie grinned back, looking down at me now as he pulled away a tad, arm still hanging off my shoulders. “Glad you made it though, ain’t seen you in ages. Vic said it was like pullin’ teeth tryna get an answer out of you.”

I rolled my eyes at the theatrics and laughed lightly. “Yeah, well she’s a drama queen.”

“Don’t I know it.” Jamie sighed, all put-upon before he chuckled.

We were interrupted then by a hoard full of boys. My boys as a matter of fact.

“Well hello, don’t you look stunnin’! Been looking all over for you.” Matty greeted merrily, beer already in hand as he accosted me in the hallway. I released a happy laugh of my own when he smacked a big kiss to my cheek and took my hand in his. “You only just get here?”

I nodded in faint reply before I pulled away from Jamie’s embrace to envelope both Ross and Hann into a hug, giving them my hello’s too. “Yeah, had stuff to do first. How long you lot been here?” I asked, but my eyes darted behind them in search of George. “And where’s G?”

The nickname was relatively new, but I’d always said that his name felt far too long. G seemed to be sticking anywho.

Matty kissed his teeth as his eyes scanned the room, fingers still attached to mine. “He was here a while ago- came with us, didn’t he.”

“Think he went out for a fag.” Ross mentioned to me before his eye caught Stacey Donahue dancing away in the corner. Hann and I shared a knowing smile before the giant made his excuses and dipped away. 

“How you lads enjoyin’ the party then?”

I startled slightly at Jamie’s voice, having completely forgotten he’d been stood there with us. Although it did look like he’d just been quietly welcoming people as they arrived, whilst I’d been caught up.

Matty beamed at the question and raised the neck of his drink at him, “Great time, mate. As always.”

Jamie chuckled, “Cheers. Um, you two mind if I have a word with this lady ‘ere though?”

The lazy grin Matty wore grew at Jamie’s ask and Hann was smirking to himself as he nodded. “‘Course.” He replied for the both of them, before sparing a glance at me, “Come find us soon, yeah?”

My brow pinched and I could only nod at his request, ignoring Matty’s drunken snickering before Jamie gestured his head over to the right and begun leading me away, through the kitchen and its rowdy partygoers, out into the garden.

The air outside was a bit chilly, but I was still wearing the denim jacket George had lent me earlier that afternoon, so I didn’t feel it so much. I peered around at a few of the people who’d decided to gather in the garden, some of them smoking around the fire-pit, others sprawled out on the grass beneath the gazebo.

“What’s up?” I asked Jamie once he’d finished saying hello to a couple of his mates that had decided to head back inside just as we came out. He looked over at me.

Jamie had always been a good looking lad. You know, the typical pretty boy type. With his light eyes and cheeky smile. I remembered how much I used to fancy him growing up, not just ‘cause he was nice to look at, but because he’d always looked out for me, never made me feel stupid or less than. He was just a decent guy.

But it was a surprise to me then though to see him looking so sheepish, scratching at the jut of his jaw whilst his eyes skirted around me. Jamie was anything but shy, even when he was getting a good hiding he was still smirking away.

“You alright?” I asked him around a light chuckle, unsure on what he’d even wanted me for.

“Yeah, yeah.” He was quick to assure me, fighting to dampen his growing grin when he finally met my mirthful eyes. “Just needed a breather, you know. Mental in there.”

“What, and you just decided you’d use me as an excuse?” I teased, unable to help myself and fighting back a laugh when his eyes widened.

“Nah, no, nothing like that.” Jamie hurried out.

I just shook my head my head in return with a sweet smile, hands tucked in the pockets of my jacket. “I’m messing, J. What’s up? You seem on edge.”

He heaved out a big breath and left me waiting on a real reply, he was honestly starting to worry me a tad but now, never had I heard him go so long without speaking. He was almost as bad as Vic herself- maybe it was a family thing.

“Jaim?”

“Sorry.” Jamie sighed and dragged a frustrated hand down across his face. “Sorry just- reckon I need another drink.” 

He laughed lightly, clearly trying to ease some of the tension he felt, and I joined but only for something to do. Still so confused.

“You gonna hold me hostage out here all night?” I prodded, raising my eyebrows at him with a soft smile when he peered my way.

He rolled his eyes with an amused grin, before he cut to it. “Listen, we’ve been mates for ages, right?”

Slowly I nodded at him. I’d call Jamie a friend, but it felt weird him acknowledging it, in my eyes, to him, I’d always just be his little sister’s tagalong.

“Right. Exactly.” Jamie barrelled on, not sensing my bewilderment. “And you probably know me best, innit? Like out of everyone- aside from me mum and me dad, probably Vic too.”

I wouldn’t say that but, “I ‘spose.”

“Good.” He dipped his head in a jerky nod and, honestly, I would’ve thought he was on something, the way he was acting, if I hadn’t been looking up into his eyes. “Yeah, so what I’m basically tryna say here is that-”

Jamie’s little tangent was promptly cut short by the arm that engulfed me. “B, ‘ve been lookin’ all over for you.”

Immediately I grinned, already knowing just who it’d been by the freckles that dotted their wrist and the familiar scent that wrapped its way around me. I lifted my head up to stare into George Daniel’s familiar eyes, their brown blown wide and hidden slightly by the squint of his smile.

“You made it!” I exclaimed happily, my hand reaching up to meet his at my shoulder, I gave it a quick squeeze and he nodded down at me.

“Said I would.” He replied and we shared another smile.

It was then that George seemed to realise he’d interrupted the conversation I’d just been having, his brows jumped upwards as he turned to look at Jamie.

“Oh sorry, mate. Didn’t mean to barge in.” George apologised with a smaller smile, glancing between us, “Just spotted her as I was headin’ back in.”

“You’re alright.” I assured George, “J was just having a quick word.”

“I’ll leave you to it then. Meet you inside?” George offered and I wanted so badly to wave it off, yank him back over to the side of the house where I knew he’d been hiding, and share a joint or two. But Jamie…

“If you don’t mind, mate.” Jamie nodded, his smile a little tight. I frowned, but glanced back up at George to make sure he was really okay with it.

“‘Course.” He smiled easily, squeezing my hand and pressing his nose into my hair as he pressed a quick peck to my temple. Something that was relatively new to us. Though I couldn’t help the butterflies it seems to erupt. “Bye bye Birdie.”

I snorted softly as he untangled himself, smirking all the while. Hating having ever let it slip that I loved that film. 

He saluted me before slipping through the back door and I turned back to Jamie with a fond smile I didn’t even realise I was wearing.

“Sorry, what were you saying?” I asked him now that he finally had my full focus again.

Jamie stared at me long and hard, before a strange look crossed over his face. Almost one of realisation, or maybe resignation? It baffled me but I didn’t have the chance to question it. 

“You know what-” Jamie breathed out, his smile small now but still genuine as he reached a hand out to brush against my shoulder. I glanced down at it briefly before he was speaking again. “Don’t worry about it. I can tell you another time, yeah?”

Forehead pinched in utter confusion, I wanted to prod at him further but he was shutting down before my very eyes by putting up a loud and extraverted bravado. One he usually let slip around those he was comfortable with. I wondered what I’d possibly done wrong.

“It’s a party, ain’t it? Lemme grab you a beer- you just enjoy yourself!”

Then he was squeezing my arm and breezing past me before I could get a word in edgeways.

I stood there on the patio, lost. Head so busy just trying to work out what the hell had happened that I didn’t even notice Vicky until she was there hanging off my arm.

“Did he tell you? Did he tell you?” She questioned me in her tipsy state, not even giving me the time to answer before she was pestering me with a dozen other confusing questions, “What d’ya say? Did you say you it back? Did you let him kiss you? Wait, don’t answer that one- don’t think I want to know.” 

My brain short-circuited. 

Only half aware, I felt myself glance through the window into the kitchen, to where Jamie now stood pouring a couple drinks, surrounded by people. His eyes met mine through the glass, before they trailed over to where his sister was now jumping about excitedly beside me, his face paled at the realisation. 

Shit. Jamie liked me.

—

Jamie kept his distance after that night. Didn’t try to bring it up again or actually admit what, I was now afraid, he’d been about to. 

Though the whole thing did confuse me- if it had been that that he’d been so close to admitting to, then what had stopped him? Was it because of George’s interruption, or had he just thought better of it?

They nibbled away at me, all these thoughts. But I tried to keep them at bay, ignore them as best I could. Because I could honestly have the entirely wrong end of the stick here, and maybe, just maybe Jamie wasn't actually avoiding me, maybe he was just busy with exams, and school, footie…

I groaned to myself, feeling a headache brewing. So much for ignoring the topic.

“What’s goin’ on in that head of yours, cupcake?”

I scowled at the tap I received to the side of my skull and swatted halfheartedly when Ross dropped himself down onto the grass beside me.

The rest of lads, plus Vicky, were all up at the ice-cream van that’d pulled up at the curb by the entrance to the park. I hadn’t wanted anything when they’d all started to wander over, having heard the whining tune, whilst Ross had called in his winnings with Matty (the two of them were always betting on something or other) and asked for ‘a 99 with a flake and sprinkles, please!’

I’d been glad to have it just be me and him for a short while, I’d been feeling off all day and he was usually the one who didn’t ever mind my moods. 

“Nothing.” I told him, picking at daisies that had just begun to litter the grass.

“What not even a cymbal-banging monkey?”

I breathed out an airy chuckle. “Why, is that all you’re used to?”

“Yup. That and tits.” He shrugged and I snorted an unexpected laugh.

“Pig.”

Ross merely grinned before he nudged me again. “Come on, get it off your mind before them lot come barging back over.”

I glanced out across the field, saw Matty pissing about with Vicky by the roadside and the way Hann struggled to keep his ice-cream from dripping down his hand. Then looked back to Ross. He’d kicked his legs out wide, palms splayed out behind him whilst his skateboard rested beside his foot.

“It’s nothing, stupid really.” I told him and watched the way he quirked an encouraging brow at me, obviously wanting me to carry on. I released a heavy sigh, “Can’t really talk to anyone about it, you know? Or it feels that way.”

“Well, I’m sat here asking, so tell me. You know I don’t care- could tell me you just bleached your armpits and I’d only ask to see.”

I smiled, shaking my head at his strange reply. But that was just Ross, he made you feel so at ease. Like you really could tell him anything.

“Fine. Just, you know Jamie?” I ventured carefully, gaze on the tiny flowers I was fiddling with in my lap. 

“‘Course. Vicky’s brother- plays striker, don’t he?”

I hummed, “Yeah, him.”

“Alright, what about him?” Ross prompted and I could feel his eyes lingering on my hands, watching as I made holes in the stems of the daisies I’d collected. 

“Something happened with him the other night, at his party.”

“Did he do something?” Ross’s hardened tone made me blink and so I was quick to snap my head up to reassure him.

“No, no. Nothing bad. Just something he said, or well, something Vic mentioned after we’d spoke.”

“You’re being pretty vague here.”

I chewed on the inside of my cheek. “I know, sorry. I just- it’s strange to say out loud. I feel like I’ve got it all turned around in my head.”

“Alright well, just tell me what happened and I’ll see if you have or not.”

I wet my lower lip in thought then ultimately decided that it couldn’t hurt. The worst Ross would do is poke fun at me, and I knew wholeheartedly he wouldn’t say a word to the others.

“It started when I left you lot, he wanted to have a word and took me outside.” I started to explain, “He was acting right weird. Just not himself, you know? A bit nervous, I ‘spose.”

Ross hummed when I paused for a breath.

“And he was trying to tell me something. Thought it was gonna be something bad- what with they way he was acting- and he was just about to finally spit it out when G wandered over. We’d spoken for a few minutes, just normal shit, said hi and whatnot. Introduced him to Jamie. Then he headed inside, but when he’d gone Jamie lost his nerve. Put up this front and told me to forget about whatever he’d been about to say. Acted as though it was nothing important.”

“Right…”

“Then he shot off before I could say another word! I was so fucking confused, Ross. Beyond it actually. And then Vic came over, drunk and spewing a whole load of crap. Asking question after question. She-” I couldn’t say it for a moment, scared if I voiced it that it would sound stupid. But I inhaled and just forced the words out anyway. “She asked if he’d finally told me, if I felt the same way… if he’d kissed me.”

“Oh.” Ross said and I shot him a strained look.

“Oh. That’s really all you have to say?”

Ross’s eyes widened as he chuckled, “Sorry! Just, I mean, it was sort of obvious.”

I frowned. “What was?”

“Jamie. Matt and I have been betting on him asking you out since the week after we met you.”

“Ross!” I exclaimed, in utter disbelief.

“What?” He squawked in retort, mimicking as he withheld a laugh.

“Don’t what me, you knob! You knew he liked me and said nothing??”

“Yeah. I had ten quid on him bricking it whilst Matty reckoned he’d do it before Christmas. Then Christmas passed and we changed the terms to that he’d just ask you out.”

I stared back at him.

“You didn’t tell me because there was money at stake?”

“That, and we both knew it’d drive a wedge between your friendship with Vic. Then she finally caught on to it as well and we were gonna say something, but by then G had come along.”

My brow furrowed, “The fuck has George got to do with it?”

Ross levelled me with a look. I gave him one straight back. And it was then that he blinked and seemed to realise I really had no idea what he was on about.

“Wow. You’re so fucking oblivious, cupcake.”

I smacked his chest. “Ross. I’m not playing about here.”

“Christ.” He hissed, rubbing at his shirt. “Really got some power behind you. Who would’ve thought.”

Scowling, I prodded him again. “Ross, just tell me, would you? You’re driving me mad.”

He huffed but relented, looking me dead in the eye, “George has got everything to do with it, Y/n. I mean, he’s half fucking in love with you.”

I gaped for a short moment, eyes darting between Ross’s own when they never faltered, just waiting for him to tell me it was all a big joke. 

“What?”

“You really have no idea, do you?” Ross chuckled, shaking his head at me like I was some sad little puppy. “But that’s alright, I guess. Seeing as he has no clue that you like him too.”

My eyes widened at the sureness in his voice but before I could even defend myself, the rest of our little group were swanning their way back over, completely unaware of the way my heart was currently deafening my eardrums. Or how it only seemed to pound harder when George handed me a milk lolly I hadn’t asked for, knowing that they were my favourite.

Ross shot me another look, smirking all the while.

Oh, shit.

Part B>

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