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whalyrae · 1 year

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DANCE WITH ME - CHAPTER 3

“If you want to keep a secret, you must also hide it from yourself.”

Summary : All your life, you thought you were a beta, a simple and boring beta. Until everything change. But now that you've presented yourself as an omega, how will you manage to live and hide it from your six friends and best friend, all alphas and all in the same pack? (a/n : I'm a shit for summary I'm so sorry-)

Genre : soulmate au (of course I'm a bitch for this), omegaverse, bangtan alphas au!, omega reader, fluff, angst, eventual smut, polyamory relationships

Status : In process

Word Count : 2.6k

Warnings : the usual one I guess, like smut, angst, fluff (yeah its a warning for some people ) mention of depression, abusive parents (physically and morally), violence and blood, PTSD, scars, self harm,...

A/N : Here's the chapter 3 ! Hope you'll like it !! Thank you so much for all your love and votes and shares and comments too !! You can't imagine how much it's important for writers !! ♥ Feel free to send your reactions, questions etc in my inbox or directly in private !! And thank again for the cute anon for their sweet message yesterday, if you read this, I'll never thank you enough for your words ;w; ♥ ♥

Masterlist | ao3 | wattpad

Chapter 2 // chapter 4

☾ ☾ ☾ ☾ ☾ ☾ ☾ ☾

"I've worn enough suppressor patches to know how to identify them... and to my knowledge betas don't wear them..."

You froze and took a step back, staring at him. No, it was impossible, he was probably playing with you, he was teasing you, he couldn't know who you were already... You had been so careful…

“Don't worry, I won't say anything if that's what scares you, you must have your reasons !” Wooyoung offered you a sweet smile to reassure you, “just try not to abuse it, that's my only advice!”

“I... “ you hesitated for a few seconds, biting your lip nervously, “It's complicated.”

You sighed and shook your head. You couldn't believe that your secret had been discovered not even a day after you did so much to hide it. If Wooyoung found out so easily, that would mean that anyone could…

Questions raced through your head. Your heart rate increased, as did your breathing, and you began to panic. What if this stranger had guessed at a glance? It would take Jimin less time to realize the trickery... No, it couldn't be possible, you didn't want to lose him, you didn't want to lose them.

"Y/n ? Hey, calm down, it's okay..." Wooyoung gently waved his hand in front of you, "Look, we're going to be seeing a lot of each other and working together for a while so... I'm not forcing anything on you, but I'm here if you need to talk, okay ? And as for the complicated part, don't worry, I know a bit about complicated stuff."

"What do you mean ? More complicated than my situation... I must be honest... it seems impossible."

"Listen, what I suggest is that we’ll sit and have a drink and I'll explain a little. Then, if you want to talk about your issue, that's up to you !"

You hesitated few seconds, but finally agreed, on the condition that you would offer the drink to Wooyoung, who had no choice but to accept in turn.

You both entered the café. While Wooyoung went to find seats for you, you went to the counter to order. While waiting for the two coffees, your phone vibrated in your pocket. You took it out of your pocket and unlocked it. A message from Taehyung.

TH : Look at the composition I had to do today ! It made me think of you !

The attached photo was a beautiful bouquet with lavenders. Along with the poppy, lavender was one of your favorite flowers.

You could only smile at the message. Taehyung always sent pictures of the bouquets he created when they contained flowers that reminded him of you or one of the boys. It was always something that made you smile and warmed your soul.

Taehyung was incredibly good at what he produced as a florist. He was able to create beautiful pieces from nothing, or from a simple little element. He always asked for as much information as possible about the recipient of the order, so that he could compose the most personal bouquet possible. Everything he created was full of poetry. The art and language of flowers took on a whole new meaning with him. It was as if the profession of florist had been invented for him.

You flinched when the waiter called you to say that your coffees were ready. You awkwardly put your phone in your pocket to take your orders and thanked him. You joined Wooyoung, who was laughing because he had been following the whole scene.

“What was it that captured your attention so much ?”

“My florist friend sent me one of those arrangements. He knows I like lavender so…”

You took out your mobile phone to show him the picture. Wooyoung whistled, impressed. You let out a small laugh and gave him his iced coffee before taking a sip of yours.

“I was thinking,” you began, looking up at him, “we haven't even talked about dancing yet... what style are you more into ? Do you have any ideas of what you'd like to do ?”

“I started with ballet, but I really prefer anything hip-hop! As for ideas... I don't really have any I must admit, do you ?”

“ Same here…” you made a little pout while sipping your drink before straightening up suddenly, “since we're a duo, and a mixed one as well, could we base ourselves on that ? You know, like Zendaya and Zac Efron in The Greatest Showman ! Ah ! That movie was so good…”

“ I loved that movie ! I know all the choreography by heart !”

This was followed by a long conversation, mostly punctuated by ‘Are you kidding? I love it too!’ from both of you. You had quickly discovered that you had a lot in common and that your tastes in music, dance and even films were very similar.

Wooyoung had quickly put you at ease, and you realized that he was someone with whom it was easy to communicate and express yourself without fear of being judged.

Finally, after a short silence where you both took a sip of your drinks, you thought about his words earlier. A question was burning your mind, and as you hesitated, he encouraged you to take the plunge by offering you a small smile of encouragement.

You took a more serious tone, without daring to look at him.

“If you hadn't seen the patches…”

“Could I have guessed that you were an omega ? It's true that without them, I could have believed you if you had told me you weren't one, but when I saw you with them, it's hard to think otherwise.”

Wooyoung was of course talking about Jimin, Hoseok and Jungkook.

“I've had... some problems with second year alpha's earlier this year, they're just... wary and protective I guess.”

“That's not what I was getting at…” he paused for a moment to take another sip of his coffee, “you know, when I was telling you about the complicated part of my life, it's not really complicated in reality I tend to exaggerate a bit…”

He shrugged and let out a small laugh.

“I'm part of a pack, there are three omegas and four alphas, one of them is even in our school, in third year !” His eyes lit up at the mention of his boyfriend, “Oh but I will introduce you to him ! My Sannie is incredibly talented, he might even give you some really good advice !”

This was not what you expected at all. Packs were not a rare thing, but they were not particularly common either. Wooyoung was the first omega in such a large pack that you had met. In fact, he was the first omega you actually took the time to talk to. Not that you avoided them, on the contrary. You were just used to being in an environment where the different classes didn't mix. You still remembered very well the near scandal in your high school when you started to appear in public with Jimin.

“It's awesome to be in a pack, especially with them. They're all amazing, adorable, caring and sweet.” the dancer had a big smile that he shared with you, “But the point is that your friends act the same way as my alphas. I felt their protective auras directly, it's not really the kind of thing you give off with someone you consider just a friend... I'd say it was even stronger in the one next to you hm... Jimin I think? Yes, Jimin.”

“He's the one I've known for the longest time but... They don't know,” you finally admitted, “that I'm an omega. In fact, I didn't even know myself... until a week ago.”

Seeing Wooyoung's confused look, you resumed the situation. What happened last week, your first heat, and your mother's reaction. To your surprise, he wasn't that shocked.

"It's more common than you think, especially in families where you're pressured from birth about what you're supposed to be... how you're supposed to act, about your future, that sort of thing.

"Tell me about it…”

You sighed, running a hand through your hair.

“This beta, alpha and omega stuff doesn't change who you are and why people like you,” Wooyoung continued, “I think people who pay attention to these kinds of details are idiots. 'No, I don't want you because you're a beta' or 'you're just an omega, you can't do this, or that', that's really lame.”

You totally agreed with him. What worried you most was how your friends would react. How Jimin would react. It was bad enough that you sometimes felt like you were too much, or that you were 'crashing' with your best friend's pack of alphas, but if they found out that you weren't who you said you were, what would be the repercussions?

The subject had never come up because you were supposed to be a beta and besides that, you had always been clear that you put dancing before everything else. You always told anyone that you weren't interested in relationships. You'd had a couple of hook-ups, with one or two people, but never anything serious.

Or maybe you'd always had a crush on Jimin, then on the other boys too, and you'd repressed all your feelings because of what you thought you were, a beta, and therefore felt incompatible? And because your friendship with Jimin was so important to you that you didn't want to risk losing him and being alone.

Your fear of abandonment and loneliness had always been a source of stress and anxiety for you. You were ready to do anything, absolutely anything, to not lose Jimin.

“Ah, it's too complicated,’ you finally say, taking your face in your hands, ‘the best thing to do would be to drop everything and go live in Australia.”

"It's always confusing when you lie to yourself... and to others... Hey, can I give you my opinion?"

"Oh... um..." surprised he asked, you straightened up before answering, "yes, of course!"

Pleased with your answer, Wooyoung had straightened up. He took a few seconds before he began to speak. He was looking for the right words, the appropriate formulation.

“So, first of all, Australia is a very good idea! But watch out for the animals, they're pretty well known for being very big and very dangerous.” He winked at her, causing her to giggle, before regaining his seriousness, “Then, when I'm faced with a tricky situation, I try to make some sort of ranking of what's most important. In your case, it's to 'learn' to be an omega and above all, to accept that you are one, because whether you like it or not, it's what you are, it's anchored in your DNA, you can't change it. You will have your heat, your body, your smell and your hormones will be agitated when you are in contact with the people you are physically attracted to. The story is similar in beta actually, it's just... less powerful and less noticeable.”

"Wow you... you seem to know a lot..."

"One of my alphas, Seonghwa, is studying psychology, it's really exciting to listen to him talk! He could help you, if you accept of course! He would explain you much better than me, and in more detail. I'll give you his number along with mine! "

You nodded. Wooyoung was right, like it or not, you were an omega. Even if you hid it from your friends and roommates, you couldn't deny it and suppress it, unfortunately.

"He also taught me that repressing our desires can become painful, especially for us omegas, though I can understand how it might be scary for you who never felt that way before. The change between beta and omega must have been violent for you..." he murmured with compassion.

“What scares me the most are their reactions. Jimin has been my best friend since high school. He's all I have in this world. He's... the most important person in my life. I may not have known the others for that long but... I like them like... a lot. They've never rejected me for being different, unlike... absolutely everyone else before them, in fact. Including family.”

You breathed in and out deeply, pursing your lips for a few seconds. Wooyoung remained silent, letting you take the time to express yourself, and you were very grateful.

“And what if they only accept me because I'm a beta?”’ you resumed, looking up at him, “And what if what I feel for them... this attraction that's been growing since those damn omega pheromones showed up, is only a matter of biology and I'm only attracted to them because of those hormones? What if…”

Wooyoung cut you off by gently taking your hand, as he sensed that you were starting to panic. The last question he heard made him smile inside. He was ready to bet that you didn't even realize what you had just said. You didn't know yet that the hormone thing didn't work that way, but he was saving that information for another time. He was even thinking more and more about asking Seonghwa for some help with this more delicate and technical part. He felt you were completely lost, and even though the best people to help you would be Jimin and his six other alphas who seemed to have taken your heart, this idea was anything but possible for you.

“I can't pronounce because I don't know them, but from what I saw earlier, the way they reacted instantly when they saw me…”

“I'm sorry again, all seven of them are like that with me. It's their alpha nature I guess…”

“That's where you're wrong. Sure, an alpha acts that way, but not with just anyone. When we left... it was the same thing, that protective... and dare I say possessive aura. You may not have felt it because you're probably used to it since you live with them but…”

He paused for a moment and gently squeezed your hand, tilting his head to one side with a small smile.

“My alphas act exactly the same way with us, I told you. I'd even be willing to bet that they don't realize it themselves because as you so rightly say, it's natural and has always been that way for as long as you've known them... I know what I'm talking about and if you want to be sure, I might have an idea…”

You frowned, you didn't understand a thing, even though in the end, and this is what amused Wooyoung, it was quite simple.

“Trust me! Well, I know that saying it like that when you've only known me for a few hours is a big thing, but…”

“No ! I... look, all I want is for things to stay the same, between me and them, I'll do anything for that.”

“To the point of using suppressants excessively? You're on medication too, am I right?”

He let out a small sigh, and finally stood up, holding out his hand to you.

“Y/n, ah, can I call you Noona? No, don't answer, I'll call you Noona! Well Noona, I think our meeting wasn't just for the dance,” he said in an almost theatrical tone, “it was Fate that put you in my path, there's no doubt about it!”

Slightly confused, you regained your senses and laughed, grabbing his hand as he led you outside.

“First of all, we're going to be the best pairing this school has ever seen,” you said, a hint of defiance in your voice, “I'd like to show the three idiots who are my friends what we can do! And by the way, we'll take the opportunity to nail all those pretentious alphas who like to spend their lives looking down on us!”

“Competitive? I love it! Then I'll personally take care of teaching you to be an omega, to accept who you are. We'll go little by little, but not too much because…” he paused, and the words that followed made your blood run cold, "your next heat will come faster than you think.”

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randommusingsstuff · 1 year

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Devi, Ben, and the Power of Happy Endings

Never Have I Ever is about to go down in the history books as one of the most thematically rich coming of age stories produced in the streaming era.

While the thought of parting from my beloved, Devi Vishwakumar, makes me want to curl into a fetal position, I’ve been struck with the sudden inspiration to document my predictions. Every wild, outrageous opinion.

Maybe this post will be nothing more than fodder for your morning coffee Tumblr scroll, but my hope is that it will convey a sense of optimism. Not only do I think that Never Have I Ever will have an explicitly romantic ending for Ben and Devi, I think that it fundamentally has to. But we still have a long journey ahead.

1. Devi: T-minus 5 Seconds to Heartbreak

This is Devi Vishwakumar, walking into school for her first day of senior year, smiling like the lovestruck nerd that she is, having finally figured out that she wants to be with Ben.

I mean, just look at her gloat! This is the gloat of someone who is ready to join forces with her soulmate so they can terrorize the school with their combined obnoxiousness!

Only to walk in and see this:

Oh Ben... To quote the great Logan Echolls, “no one writes songs about the ones that come easy”.

2. To boink, or not to boink?

I’m not convinced that Ben and Devi had sex.

Now, hold on-

Let me first caveat and say that Never Have I Ever always manages to surprise me. While I can pick out the broad narrative strokes and character arcs they are aiming for, they manage to awe and delight me with the details.

I think that following through on the “one free boink” scene is the more interesting route, but it also makes the writers’ jobs much, much harder.

I cannot fathom Ben and Devi having sex and then Ben immediately rebounding to Margot. That level of womanizing would make Paxton Hall-Yoshida tremble in his tiny swim shorts. In order to keep the audience on Ben’s side, the writers would have to spend a considerable amount of time unpacking his trauma and explaining his perspective. It’s not impossible, but I’m dubious.

The show never rewards Devi for making a decision based on her own insecurities. She wants to have sex with Ben, but her catalyst for getting there is the sext Fabiola accidently sends to her instead of Addison (i.e Devi is insecure about being the only virgin in her friend group left).

Maitreyi confirmed that season 4 would pick up immediately where season 3 left off. Do I think we’re getting play-by-play? An under-the-cover post boink scene? Them starting to make-out then something happening? I’m betting on the latter.

3. The Ben Problem

Picture this:

Mid make-out, Devi casually lets slip that she is staying at Sherman Oaks for senior year. Suddenly, sex with the love of his life is an actual relationship that he has to contend with. All the trauma and pain from season 2 comes flooding back. And it’s important to remember that Ben was deeply traumatized from the events of season 2.

His actual brain catches up with his er… primal instincts, and they agree to see where things go. It's just vague enough that Devi thinks they’re going to be together, but Ben is scared. Scared of being more in love with her than he already is and scared of being hurt again. He goes with the safer option of neglecting his feelings, because his arc of vulnerability has yet to be fully actualized.

This manages to set up the same conflict and angst between Ben and Devi and give Ben a starting point to make amends without having him abandon Devi right after she has sex for the first time.

It’s a much more palatable fallout for the “one free boink scene”, but I digress.

4. Never Have I Ever... Been a Wallflower

We catch up with Paxton in episode 3, narrated by Gigi Hadid, and he’s kind of shy?

He has always used his popularity as a crutch and now has to grapple with his new identity. Much like Devi and Ben, Paxton’s insecurities are an ongoing battle, as he realizes that his choice to go to college was partially defined by his desire to escape the “dumb jock” label. Tucked away in his dorm room, watching life pass him by, he realizes that he doesn’t need to prove anything to anyone else. He can pursue his athletic aspirations and still defy the labels that people have placed on him. By the end of the episode, Paxton makes the decision to come back to Sherman Oaks as a swim coach assistant.

I’ll admit, I think it’s a strange choice to reignite Devi and Paxton’s romance by making him a faculty member at the school. The writers might as well hold up a big red sign that says, “The only reason we can think of for Devi and Paxton to interact is if they are stuck in high school together”.

But I want to make one thing clear: I do not think this undoes his arc from season 3. To realize that just because you can do something doesn’t mean you have to is a very natural extension of gaining personal liberty.

And I, for one, am proud of him.

Also, I’m getting season 2 vibes from this scene.

Devi and Paxton fans can probably expect callbacks, sweet moments, a kiss, and an emphasis on how important they have been to each other's personal growth.

5. Where are Ben and Devi?

Hidden behind a Michael Cimino-sized red herring. They are going to give us as little as they possibly can about Ben and Devi during promo season. The same way they have in *checks notes* every single season prior.

I’ve written about this before, but it is integral to their individual arcs that they are honest about their love for each other. It is the bedrock of the story. But between Michael Cimino’s washboard abs and closing out Paxton and Devi’s arc in a way that feels satisfying and emotionally resonant, I don’t think we’ll be seeing Ben and Devi’s domestic bliss phase.

Put another way: The love triangle and push-and-pull romance is not a side story, it’s a source of narrative conflict that’s integral to the plot. Would you resolve the final battle in a fantasy series three episodes before the finale? Resolving the Ben and Devi plot early would be like sucking all of the tension out of the story. It would not give us the euphoric high of Ben and Devi blurting out that they love each other at the eleventh hour after trying to suppress their feelings. The show has always saved these big moments for finales, and this season will be no different.

But for anyone worried that Ben and Devi will be fighting the entire season, I think we’re in for our most Benvi-centric season yet, filled with great moments and their trademark banter.

They go to New York to visit colleges. Neither of them admits it, but they are relieved to know that they will remain constants in each others’ lives.

They study for finals together while bantering, skirting around the topic of prom, and just generally being the only two idiots who don’t know they are in love. *Buries self under 10 pounds of cement*

This time, Ben asks her to dance. The angst, unspoken feelings and tension are palpable.

They fight over valedictorian and it’s practically foreplay. Devi wins, and Ben is proud of her, underscoring his growth and ability to put aside his competitive nature to be supportive.

And that is just a fraction of what’s in store for our obnoxious, loveable nerds.

6. 🎶 It's the circle of life 🎶

“Hey, gods. It's Devi Vishwakumar, your favorite Hindu girl in the San Fernando Valley. What's a-poppin'? It's the first day of school, and I thought we should have a check in. I think we can all agree that last year sucked for a number of reasons. So I thought of a few ways you guys can make it up to me.”

“One: I'd like to be invited to a party with alcohol and hard drugs. I'm not gonna do them. I'd just like the opportunity to say: ‘No cocaine for me, thanks. I'm good.’”

John Mcenroe Voice: Devi, you seem a little drunk.

“Two: I'd love for my arm hair to thin out. I know it's an Indian thing, but my forearms look like the frigging floor of a barber shop.”

The mehndi on her hands symbolizes her love for her family and heritage. Juxtaposed with her western clothes, it signifies her acceptance of her intersectionality.

“And lastly, most importantly, I'd really, really like a boyfriend, but not some nerd from one of AP classes.”

The picture that I want to get my hands on is currently stashed away in Netflix’s top-secret headquarters, but I’ll settle for this one of Ben’s adorable, dopey smile.

7. The Finale: Why Devi and Ben Must Have an Unambiguously Happy Ending

For the longest time, I believed that Never Have I Ever would go the way of its spiritual successor Crazy-Ex Girlfriend and give Devi the “I choose myself” ending” with hints of her ending up with Ben in the future.

It was only when watching the season 3 finale that I realized how wrong I was. In fact, I was so fundamentally wrong that I overlooked the obvious: Never Have I Ever has never done anything halfway. The writers of Never Have I Ever know something about the audience that we often fail to recognize ourselves, which is that we desperately want a happy ending.

Season one could have ended with Devi’s heartfelt goodbye to her father and reconciliation with her mother. What do we get instead? A sweeping, romantic shot of Malibu while Devi and Ben share their first kiss.

In the season 2 finale, Devi proclaims that she will not settle for “some weird secret thing behind closed doors” and that she wants to be “someone's public girlfriend.” And what does she get? Exactly what she wants.

But it’s only in season 3 when this pattern becomes apparent. The season could have easily ended with her deciding to stay at Sherman Oaks. We had already said our farewell to Paxton, and gotten this chemistry-choked, almost-love-confession between our favourite dorks:

And we think that maybe, just maybe, the season will end with Devi single and ready for her senior year. But the show says “subtlety be damned”. It demands a triumphant ending, with Devi showing up at Ben’s door, leading to what will certainly be one of the most intimate moments in the entire show.

Tonally, the story makes bold choices, and the reaction from fans is always electric. In a world of being told “no” and being conditioned to temper our expectations, Never Have I Ever is like a warm hug reminding us that even the most broken people can heal and find love.

And this brings us back to “the Ben problem”, the idea is that he must overcome his fear and confess his love to Devi. And Devi, in turn, must love herself before being able to embrace her narrative mirror.

On a show that prides itself on big endings, escapism, and romance it seems unfathomable, and almost cruel, for Devi and Ben to be in love and not be together.

The writers do not want people finishing the show, shrugging, and saying “that was a realistic ending.” They want us to watch the finale with grins too big for our faces, our hearts bursting with excitement. They want us to know that all of Ben and Devi’s suffering over the past four seasons meant something, that when Devi finally makes the right decisions, she “will find someone who loves her exactly as she is.”

Love, unvarnished and without fear. That is the true narrative promise of Never Have I Ever.

#never have i ever #benvi #ben x devi #nhie #benvi meta #devi vishwakumar #ben gross

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kajaono · 7 months

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Why Douglas leaving doesn't mean we will see a drop in quality

I see many people worrying that Douglas leaving will effect the quality of the show, in a negative way.

I would like to take Shadowhunters as an example. Here the showrunner changed after season 1. Todd Slavkin, who took over the psotion, then functioned as a showrunner, co-producer and writer. So i think it is fair we now pretend its kind of the same as a change of the director. One main role of a director is: "They collaborate with actors, read and develop scripts, and motivate the cast and crew to deliver their best performances. They also make critical decisions regarding set locations, budget management, and artistic execution."

This means the show can go downhill with a wrong director. Unmotivated crew, shit locations, rejected script, wrongly managed budget... or it can also have a positive impact.

In Shadowhunters Todd Slavkin sweet talked Freeform and Netflix to give the show 22 eps instead of 10 eps, and got rid of a lot of bad CGI, costumes and lightning.

Costumes:

Swords:

You get my point.

You may say: But GO is already perfect. How could a new director make it even better?" Well I also don't think they will, but they can add their own vision to it. That doesn't mean it has to be bad. Just different.

But will we like those changes?

Well... i can not answer this question, but remeber that the course of season 3 is already set. Jesus 2.0, Zombies (?), Supreme Arc Angel Aziraphael, a garden, the cottage. And Neil is still head writer. There will be no sudden changes. They will also not cast a homophobic asshole... hey, maybe they will cast a queer person who can add their own queer accents to the story?

This show is openly queer, they will not cast someone who is against a queer version of the show.

Yes this person will handle the budget differently, they will connect with DT, MS and Neil differently, but why does that has to be bad thing? Douglas vision was amazing and I am sad he left, but there are many amazing directors out there. And just because they join later, doesn't mean they do not understand the story. See Todd, we had an amazing time with him. He even published a BTS book about his time and how friendly the fandom welcomed him. In the end he intergrated a lot of fan wishes into the show and was really open to critique of the queer community.

Why can't we have the same for GO? Why does everything has to be bad? I know we have trust issues, and i can totally understand that not knowing who will come next is scaring, but just this times I wnat you all to focus on the positive things. We are also still talking about Prime. They don't want to blow this up either.

And Neil and Terry were always so protective of GO. they made sure that only someone who understood their vision was allowed to adapt GO into a show/movie and rejected multiple offeres who felt untrue to the story. You think Neil suddenly agrees to give the story away to someone who doesn't respect it and wants to change it to something bad... more Tom Cruise like? (little joke)

And we already had a change in tone and lightning of the show.

Many liked it, some hated it. But nevertheless, it worked.

The only thing I want is that Neil does not take over Douglas position now. This show is a two person story. Terry and Neil, Douglas and Neil, Azi and Crowley.

TL.DR: The husbands are in no danger. A director change will influence the show but why does that have to be a bad thing? Neil is as protective of the show as we are. He will not suddenly give it away to someone who wants to make drastic changes or who rejects all of his script ideas.

#good omens #douglas mackinnon #ineffable husbands #good omens season 3

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fragiledewdrop · 8 months

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TOLKIEN, MYTH AND THE EARLY 20TH CENTURY

A week ago I wrote a post about my excitement in discovering just how much Tolkien took inspiration from Anglo-Saxon poetry.

I was so lost in my little over-emotional bubble that I was genuinely a little surprised when a few people expressed their disappointment in discovering that "The Lord of The Rings" wasn't wholly original. It makes sense, though, so I thought I'd address it.

These are @fortunes-haven ' s tags:

@sataidelenn already wrote an interesting reply, but I'd like to approach the question from a different point of view. Why? Because the first thing I thought about when reading this comment was how I myself have grumbled under my breath about having to wade through someone's "personal mythology smoothie", only I wasn't reading Tolkien. I was reading T. S. Eliot.

Now, I want to preface this by making it clear that I am well aware Tolkien is by no means a modernist. He did, however, write LOTR in England in the late 30s. He was part of the same culture, the same society, and above all the same historical context that produced "The Waste Land" and "Ulysses", and I think we should take that into account when we discuss his work.

Because by the time Tolkien published LOTR, Joyce and Eliot and Yeats had already discussed and applied the mythic method. Was Tolkien aware of their debates? Did he read and appreciate their books? I have no clue. It would take some research to find out, research I currently (unfortunately) don’t have time for. But I do not think it a stretch to suggest that Tolkien might have been moved by the same need that drove other writers to look back at myth, although in very different ways.

Why did Joyce and Eliot feel compelled to return to the narrative roots of mankind? Why did Yeats devote so much time to Celtic lore? Why did Tolkien write a new epic and base it on the Saxon world?

The answer is the same: because they lived at the start of a century that posed more questions than ever, but provided no answers; a century when time and the human mind and the very structure of matter had ceased to be solid, defined, a foundation to rely on; a century torn apart by brutal, inhumane, sensless war.

When you can't find answers in the present and the future is so uncertain it's laughable, you look to the past. Because the thing is, we can talk about "personal mythology" all we want, but myths are never personal. They are universal. They are tied to a specific cultural context, certainly, but they exemplify emotions, truths and tragedies that are common (or supposed to be common) to all humankind, beyond space and time. Myths are supposed to be eternal.

They are also a very effective shorthand to communicate rather complex concepts.

I can write five pages telling my girlfriend that she makes me feel safe, that she is something I've longed for and fought to gain, something I've dreamed about but that I'm scared I'll lose. I could, and I probably wouldn’t be able to convey exactly what I mean.

Or I could say "She is my Ithaca" and you would get it, wouldn’t you?

There are whole books that try to explain the symbolism behind "The Green Knight", but Eliot can offhandedly mention a chapel and he has basically evoked the whole original poem plus the centuries of scolarship that followed.

Tolkien could have had his characters recite long monologues about how they feel like their world has been lost. Instead, he has one of them sing a song by the campfire. An 8th century song, about a warrior in exile. He achieves in a couple of lines what could have taken him a whole book to convey, and he does it in a way that goes straight to the heart, even if we don't know exactly why.

And that's the thing: not all of us spend years researching myths and old poetry. Certainly we don't do it when reading LOTR for the first time, especially if that's when we are 13 or 10 or 8 years old. But we get it anyway. We know myths, especially Western myths, one way or another, as if through cultural osmosis. We understand myths from other cultures too- we may need a bit of context, but we do- and often we find that the bones of the stories are similar, across oceans and centuries.

That means that using myths as the building blocks of your story is an amazingly effective way to cut to the quick, to get to the core of what the narrative is aiming at.

I have seen so many people talk about the feeling they get when reading LOTR, or even just thinking about it: that nostalgia? That bittersweet hurt? That longing for something bright and lost, for a star or a jewel or a land beyond the sea? That, right there. That is what Tolkien achieves by telling stories inside stories, by having his words have a meaning and weight that we would associate with a bard or a preacher, not a fantasy writer. And, as I have discovered recently, it's almost exactly the same feeling you get when reading Saxon poetry.

It's almost as if he chose it on purpose, isn’t it?

That's not all, though.

As both people tagged above(and many others, myself included) have already written, Tolkien doesn’t just use myths as building blocks. He alters them.

Yes, Frodo's hero's journey is not typical. Yes, there are a lot of similarities between the last part of LOTR and the Odissey, but they are not quite the same.

That's because Frodo is not, and can't be, Ulysses. He isn’t a warrior crowned with glory and cunning who reconquers his home and that leaves it because a god has promised him peace if he does. He is a mutilated soldier coming home from the trenches, only to find that he no longer belongs in the home he has bled for.

Frodo is a new hero, for a new age (just like Ulysses was a new hero for a new age, which I rather think is one of the reasons Joyce chose him as the model for his novel. The Odissey was already subversive in and of itself. "An odd duck", as @sataidelenn put it.)

We have to understand just how traumatic WWI was. It's a shift, a break so immense that it changed society, politics, culture, family structures, the idea of hero and even of manhood. The Western World was not the same after 1918. Of course art changed too.

Would Tolkien have written LOTR had he not fought in that war? Probably. But it would have been a very, very different book. The way it deals with war, technology, trauma, peace and friendship-all the things we love about it- are direct fruits of that conflict. I think the way myth fits into it is, too.

I can understand being disappointed that not everything in Lotr is wholly new, wholly Tolkien's invention. It didn’t even occur to be to be, though, because I am used of thinking of it in these terms.

All the myths he uses- from Kullervo to Ulysses to Beowolf to medieval fairy tales- are means to tell a new story. They come back to life, and while we perceive how timeless they are, they end up telling us something that is rooted in time. A new English epic, yes, but very clearly an epic of England between two world wars. A 20th century heroic tale which offers a desperate, brave hope for the future. How can we not love it?

And look, I might joke about personal mythology smoothies to myself all the time, but the reason I keep reading and studying Eliot and Joyce and Yeats is that they do have something new to say, something amazing. You can take them or leave them, love them or hate them, but "unoriginal" is not an adjective you can, in good conscience, apply to their work.

I think, in a weird way, Tolkien is the same.

"In manipulating a continuous parallel between contemporaneity and antiquity, Mr. Joyce is pursuing a method which others must pursue after him. They will not be imitators, any more than the scientist who uses the discoveries of an Einstein in pursuing his own, independent, further investigations. It is simply a way of controlling, of ordering, of giving shape and significance to the immense panorama of futility and anarchy which is contemporary history. It is a method already adumbrated by Mr. Yeats, and of the need for which I believe that Mr. Yeats to have been first contemporary to be conscious. Psychology (such as it is, and whether our reaction to it be comic or serious), ethnology, and The Golden Bough have concurred to make possible what was impossible even a few years ago. Instead of narrative method, we may now use the mythic method. It is, I seriously believe, a step toward making the modern world possible for art." –T.S. Eliot, from Ulysses, Order, and Myth (1923)

#tolkien #lotr #tolkien meta #literature #myth #does this make sense? I hope it does #I really wanted to reply earlier but alas life #you can tell I have put a tiny bit of thought in this over the years uh

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esta-elavaris · 6 months

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Nobody Knows

Okay, starting things off with something I wrote back in 2015 for my first creative writing class at uni. It's a short horror story, the assignment was literally just "write a short story with roughly 1.5k words" bc they were great with giving us serious freedom to write what we wanted to write, and this was what I came up with. I think it was the first 'serious' original short story I wrote, I was 18/19 at the time (so, disclaimer on that score if you're going to compare it to the stuff I'm posting now at almost-27 lolol), so the quality will probably reflect that, but it has sentimental value and a bit of other meaning to me, so I'm posting it as is. Definitely a "look at what I dredged up from the archives" kinda thing rather than a "wow isn't this great?" kinda thing.

I remember I went into that first semester, looked at the people in the class around me and just thought "oh god, I am so fucking out of my league here" -- but then, three months later, my course leader (who ended up being my personal tutor in the years that followed, and my favourite teacher across my whole degree) really enjoyed it and his very kind feedback resulted in the moment where I stopped and thought "man, maybe I actually have something going with my writing". It also ended up in my uni's Eng Lit magazine, which I still have a copy of for archival purposes ✨

Plus, if I reread it too closely to edit it to the quality I like to think I can produce now, I will end up convincing myself not to post it 💀 so here! Have some baby!writer stuff.

By the time I reached nineteen, I was scared of Nobody. That was what I called him - Nobody. My own private little joke.

“Who are you talking to?”

“Nobody.”

“Who are you staring at?”

“Nobody.”

Not a lie, but not a response that would get me thrown into the nearest mental hospital. I considered that a win/win. It also described him accurately – for he didn’t seem to have a body. All I ever saw of him was shadow. Sometimes it would be clearer, forming a silhouette, and other times he’d just be an ever-shifting mass of darkness. I’d been too young to be frightened by his appearance when I first found him in my grandmother’s attic. I’d thought my cousin’s tales of hauntings in the house had always just been made up to scare me, but regardless, Nobody didn’t scare me – not at first.

By the time he did, I’d known him for a decade, and had only resented him for two of those years. The resentment began at my seventeenth birthday party. Before then, having a negative thought about Nobody was utter blasphemy in my book. I would never allow a bad word to be said about my guardian, protector, teacher and presumed imaginary friend. Not one. My mother would suggest that I was too old for this behaviour, and that it was time for Nobody to go away, only for me to go ballistic. I learned to keep him to myself after that, but my good opinion only strengthened, if anything. What could be bad about somebody, living or not, who was so willing to protect me? Who toppled over the chairs my bullies sat in? Who snuck me the answers I needed in tests? It was absurd, but I kept my mouth shut, and as far as everybody else was concerned, my imaginary friend vanished. It meant little to me – it wasn’t like any of them could see him in the first place.

Then things changed. What was meant to be the best night of my life turned out to be the worst. No parents, no neighbours, no rules. Just lots of booze, music and fun. Or so I thought. The first hint that something was awry was when all of the alcohol became mysteriously unavailable to us. Packs of beer would end up in locked cabinets, with the keys nowhere to be found. Bottles of vodka would fling themselves towards the sink and smash there, any potential source of amusement quite literally down the drain.

Then came the issue of the music. My best friend spent the entire evening wrestling with the CD player, wondering why it would refuse to play certain songs (the ones I knew Nobody hated), or why the volume refused to go any higher than, a pretty pathetic, “six”. The final straw was when every guy at the party suddenly became dramatically ill. Every single one. Headaches, vomiting fits, fevers, or even just a sense of pure unease. They needed little motivation to leave such a pathetic party in the first place. Within an hour, the only guests left were my two best friends. My seventeenth birthday bash had been demoted to a sleepover worthy of a ten year old.

After that, Nobody became less of a trusted ally and more of a domineering parent. Where I used to look at my hungover friends with a smug smirk, happy that Nobody had prevented me from drinking enough to end up in that state, I now looked at them with envy. They were normal. They drank too much and endured the consequences. When they were too lazy to study for tests, they failed. Life was difficult and it was unfair and they complained about it relentlessly. But that was what made it fun. They had to think about their next move, take responsibility for themselves. If they forgot their keys, they’d be locked out – they didn’t have any ghost to open the door for them. Without the dark you find yourself unable to appreciate the light, and so life became unbearably boring. I knew that whatever was approaching me in life, it would be fine. Nobody would handle it, whether I wanted him to or not. I hated it, and I hated him for it. My life was no longer mine to control, but instead belonged to somebody who was dead. How twisted was that? Each day was monotonous, and I found myself learning little - if that - from the limited life experience I had. I made no attempt to have an eighteenth birthday party.

Spurred on by thoughts of my failed seventeenth birthday party, and non-existent eighteenth, I made my decision. On the night of my nineteenth I took a lighter to the living room curtains, setting the place on fire. In the grand scheme of things it seemed like a perfectly safe and reasonable thing to do in the name of distraction. By time the blaze was out and smoke stopped billowing out of the window, I was already down the street, peering out at my home from behind a wheelie bin to make sure that I wouldn’t be returning to the charred skeleton of the house at the end of the night. What I did return to, however, was a foreboding mass of shadow that I was too scared to tear my eyes away from. His presence had gone from endearing to terrifying in seconds flat.

My bedroom was trashed. Books were scattered on the floor, my clothes were strewn around any and every surface available. Even the door had a long, jagged splinter running up through the middle. Nobody made no move, no attempt at communication. Instead he stood stock-still in the corner, shadows bristling.

I didn’t sleep at all that night, instead sitting up in bed, staring at the void that was once my dearest companion with a sense of dread filling my chest. Hours later, when my drunkenness gave way to a fierce headache, all of the painkillers in the house had mysteriously vanished. I’d hoped it would end there, the same way arguments with my parents went. I’d lie, they’d be angry, eventually we’d all forget about it and move on. Nobody wasn’t the type to move on.

That’s where the decision to get rid of him came from. I couldn’t handle it. The constant hounding of my steps, the uncomfortable atmosphere, the lack of sleep. Sure, without him my life would be mundane and ordinary, but what was I with him? An adult with no decisive powers and an enforced bedtime.

When the day came, I kept up the façade marvellously. Nothing was out of the ordinary, and as far as he knew I was simply visiting a new friend at her apartment. Nobody didn’t show any sign of realising something was up until it was too late.

“That’s it?” I asked the ‘mystic’ dubiously as she finished burning incense and tracing odd symbols on my arms with the ash.

“That’s it,” she waved a hand “You may leave. He cannot follow.”

Nobody’s head shot up in clear alarm. His silhouette jerked towards me, but didn’t move. Couldn’t move. His head snapped between the old woman and I, almost like he was watching a tennis match, before it settled on me again and he unsuccessfully tried to move. The shadows around him spiked outwards.

“Oh, hush! You have no power here!” the old woman snapped impatiently.

I paid her as promised, but kept my gaze on Nobody. It was a weird feeling. Like seeing a caged tiger at a zoo. So much power, but no ability to use it. He’d gone from running my life, to being unable to take even a single step in my direction, all thanks to a bit of ash and some fancy words. For half a second, I faltered. I wanted to apologise to him. Pleasant memories surfaced – my toys putting on shows for me as a child, dancing on invisible strings, or even not having to pay to use the tube, as the ticket gates opened on their own upon my approach. But then the shadows spiked angrily again, and the regret was replaced by the more familiar fear.

When I walked out of that apartment, for the first time in ten years I was truly alone. I was truly free. Free to make my own decisions and live outside of Nobody’s grasp. It was then that life decided to catch up on all the years’ worth of lessons it had been unable to teach me until then. My freedom lasted four minutes. If I’d had Nobody with me, he’d have noticed the car that I failed to until it was too late, so used to not even having to look before I crossed the road. The last thing I saw was his dark silhouette, standing motionless in the window overlooking the street.

#esta's OG!fiction

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guess-my-next-obsession · 2 years

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Plastic Hearts

Chapter Three: Prisoner

pairing: dieter bravo x actress!oc (Violet Apollo)

chapter rating: M (talks of dieter’s shitty parents, insecurity, these two pining for each other but being scared little shits, sexual desire, weed use, brief mention of hollywood being filled with predators, dieter’s awful parents, cocaine use (pls think before you use cocaine in 2022, it’s just fucking fentanyl and not worth it), me writing Matt Smith into this for a second bc i couldn’t resist, asshole!dieter returns, voyeurism?? a little??, oral sex male receiving, fuck these two are a mess)

word count: 5.5k

authors note: listen i had to write a fucking SNL monologue for Dieter and it was hard and it’s not very good and shout out to all the writers at SNL having to do that every week lmao

series masterlist | series playlist

“You seem to really like this one. Been staring at it for ten minutes now,” Dieter leaned to the side, whispering to Violet as they stood in the MoMA, staring at Monet’s Water Lilies. “I always thought shit like this is too pretty. I like my art like I like my women—“

“Abstract?” She turned to give him a smirk.

“Well, I was gonna say without meaning and overpriced, but sure—abstract.” She rolled her eyes and chuckled, nudging his shoulder with hers.

“I love this painting,” she mused in a powder soft voice, Dieter’s eyes softening as he stared at her profile like she was the real work of art. “Everything about it. It is too pretty, you know? But some shit just is. And you can see the brushstrokes in it—it’s messy, it’s imperfect, and yet it’s so…fucking pretty, you know? So soothing and romantic and…nothing that you’d ever think would come out of a bunch of brushstrokes on a canvas. It’s pretty and it’s messy and it’s just…all the things.”

“I could listen to you talk about art for a lifetime, Miss Apollo,” he confessed quietly, just for her to hear. Sometimes he wanted something just for the two of them to have. A whisper, a look—a moment of authenticity.

The couple was constantly surrounded these days, bodyguards and assistants and handlers and fans—eyes always locked on them as though they were waiting for something to happen, missing the only thing really happening—a budding friendship.

Violet met his eyes and stared at him with the kind of awe that would make any man crumble.

“Take me to one you like,” she insisted, her eyes turning to meet his. Dieter smiled to himself and nodded, slipping his hand into hers more naturally now that he actually wanted to. Violet held onto his bicep with her free hand, the “couple” no longer sure what was for show and what was sincere anymore.

“You know, I grew up in New York most of the time as I kid,” Dieter began as the couple and their entourage walked through the museum, keeping his voice low so that only she would be able to listen.

“Yeah?” She turned her head a bit to watch him nod, his index finger and thumb rubbing his the hair on his chin.

“Yeah, my parents wanted me as far away as fucking possible.” Violet frowned at him as he glanced over at her, a small chuckle leaving the typically stoic man. “To be fair to them, I was a little shit from day one.”

“You were a child, D. Little shit or not, you deserved to have your parents around.” She spoke it as though it was simply a fact, but that little sentence had been the hardest one to accept, even through years of therapy. He didn’t feel like he deserved it—acceptance, their presence, love. “I know your mom is Marianne Ward, who’s your dad?”

Dieter was impressed by her knowledge on his mother’s career. She mostly spent her career doing artsy indie flicks rather than the shit most people saw. Aside from her Oscar nomination, she hadn’t really been much of a starlet.

“Ed Bravo—he’s a producer—“

“Yeah, didn’t he also try his hand at directing? What was the film called—Humoring Colossus?” Dieter stopped abruptly, causing the group around them to also halt. He shook his head and chuckled at her, his eyes wide with awe and intrigue.

“You’ve seen that shit?” He asked with disbelief, Violet chuckling at his theatrics as she nodded. “You’ve got to be like one of only ten fucking people to have even heard of that film. That’s impressive.”

“Don’t think too highly of me, I mainly watch obscure films like that to sound cooler than I actually am,” she assured with a smile, waving him back towards her.

Dieter grabbed her hand again, Violet resuming her hold on his arm as they walked up to a canvas hanging on the wall, smudged with black streaks of ink—chaotic and yet somehow orderly. Violet leaned closer to read the card beside it: Julie Mehretu, Invisible Sun (algorithm 5, second letter form), 2014, ink and acrylic on canvas.

“Now this…speaks my language.” Dieter studied the painting with puckered lips, his fingers rubbing his chin as he focused on it.

Violet meant to study it with him, she really did, but the current view of his deep contemplation was more awe-inducing than any work in the building could ever dream to be. Here he was in all his natural glory, hair tousled into messy waves and curls like he just got out of bed an hour ago, the greying patches on his beard almost forming two little hearts (ironic, she thought, for a man so averse to romance).

“I met the artist once at a gallery opening, and I tried to talk her into letting me buy it. Offered way too fucking much for it, but she said she preferred it here.”

Dieter turned his eyes, catching Violet in her gaze. He would’ve smiled at the sight of her studying him so closely if it hadn’t made him sick to his stomach with nerves.

Truthfully, he didn’t know if he wanted her swooning for him—if that’s what was beginning to happen. Not enough had changed about him for him to be welcoming anyone into his life like this. He was still a short tempered, emotionally unavailable man with unresolved mommy and daddy issues.

Though he’d been behaving on their week-long stay in New York—keeping to his side of the two-bedroom hotel suite, only smoking weed, and finding the strength to remain celibate—it was all bound to come to an end at some point. He had itches he needed to scratch, and though she’d been able to see the best he had to offer this week, he wasn’t sure she’d be so quick to stare at him with awe if she saw the other shit—the side that most everyone else got to see besides her, hence why they all hated him.

Dieter cleared his throat, snapping Violet out of her daydream, her eyes batting away her admiration as she turned to focus on the painting. “It certainly screams you, Dieter.”

“How so?” He asked, his head tilted.

“It’s chaotic, but clearly brilliant. It’s black and white but it’s also grey, you know? It’s…a whole combination of things. I don’t know why, it’s just you.” Dieter felt both thrilled by her observation and weighed down by it.

If she understood him so well, could she already see the storm on the horizon? Did she even care? Why didn’t that help soothe his anxiety? Why didn’t that cure him of the itch in his palms?

“I’m feeling kind of tired,” she looked back at him, something clearly weighing on her mind, though he knew her well enough to know that she was much too sober to speak it. “I think a nap sounds nice before we have to go to the show.”

“Okay,” he nodded and turned around to find his assistant, Raf. “Can you call Violet a car to go back to the hotel?”

“Sure thing,” the young man nodded and walked away to call the car.

“Thought maybe you would join me.” Violet’s hopeless voice pulled at Dieter’s heartstrings. Though he hadn’t realized she’d been offering for him to join, even if he wanted to cross that line, he couldn’t. He was hosting SNL that night and had dress rehearsals all afternoon.

“Wish I could,” he pinched her chin and gave her an apologetic smile, neither of them paying attention to the fan that was approaching their entourage.

“I’m so sorry, but I’m such a big fan of both of them. Could I just say hi?” Dieter turned his head around to take in a teenage girl desperately pleading with his head of security.

“It’s okay,” Violet interjected, waving the girl over. “Oh, I love your skirt. Where’d you get it from?”

“I made it, actually,” the girl blushed and giggled nervously, eyes hardly meeting either of the actors’.

“What’s your name?” Dieter asked, his casually cool persona back on.

“Violet, actually.” She chuckled and looked to Dieter’s Violet. “I’m such a big fan of yours—both of you. I watched you on broadway last year.”

“Oh, really?” Dieter gave her a smile. “Thought nobody came to that show.”

“Well, I loved it. And Violet, you’re amazing in literally everything you’re in. I’m such a big fan of yours. I actually—“ She held up her phone, showing them her lockscreen. It was a fan edit of Violet in her MCU debut role—the one that landed her her current job.

“Oh, wow,” Violet blushed and gave the girl a bashful smile. “You’re so sweet. Can I give you a hug, Violet?”

“Sure,” the girl willingly accepted the hug from her hero, Dieter watching the entire scene unfold before his eyes.

A truly good person, that Violet Apollo. Too good for the industry she worked in. Way too fucking good for him.

After taking a picture with the fan, Dieter walked Violet out of the museum, cameras waiting for them when they stepped out into the brisk autumn breeze of New York City. Dieter opened up her door into the SUV, tempted to give her a kiss on the cheek for the cameras, but the more he began to actually feel for her, the less he wanted to do such intimate things in front of the mob of paparazzi stalking them.

“I’ll see you before the show?” He asked, Violet nodding her head and reaching to pinch his chin. Dieter grabbed her hand and kissed the pad of her thumb, winking at her before closing her door, his security and assistant following him over to his own SUV parked right behind hers waiting to take him over to Rockefeller Center.

•••

The entire car ride from the MoMA to their hotel on the Upper East Side, Violet couldn’t stop thinking about Dieter. The way his dark eyes seemed to turn golden when he looked at her and black when he looked at anybody else. The way his beard felt against her fingertips when she’d pinch his chin. His earthy cologne that may have just been his natural scent—she couldn’t yet tell. He’d somehow managed to intoxicate her with his mere existence, and it was beginning to become an addiction she didn’t know she’d be able to shake once this was all over.

She could see it in his eyes—his hesitancy to feel something for her. She knew there was more between them than friendship or obligation, but just how much? Neither of them allowed themselves to speak it out loud.

Violet didn’t want to think anymore, didn’t want to wonder whether or not he was thinking of her, but before she could spark up a joint and hop in the bath, her phone was buzzing. She sighed and set the joint down, grabbing her phone and sliding the green arrow to accept the FaceTime call from her assistant now back in LA.

“Hey, Luce,” Violet spoke through an exhale, only half paying attention to the blonde on her screen.

“Hey, just wanted to call and let you know I booked your trip to London at the end of the month for the press junket. I haven’t heard back from Dieter’s team as to whether or not he’ll be joining you.”

“Maybe it’s best if he doesn’t, you know? Give us some time to miss each other and all that.” Violet bit at her once-perfectly manicured nails while her assistant narrowed her eyes at her through the screen.

“What’s happened? Besides the kiss that I walked in on?”

“Just…I don’t know. I feel like I’m doing that thing that I always do again where I meet an injured little bird of a man and take it upon myself to nurse him back to health only for him to fuckin’ fly off the minute he’s all better,” Violet hid her face in her hands, groaning dramatically. “I just need a week away from him, so let’s keep London a solo trip. Okay?”

“Okay, yeah. You’re the boss,” she typed in the demand into her phone before continuing. “By the way, it’s not a flaw to see the good in people. Not that I entirely approve of Dieter—I don’t really know the guy—but from the way he looks at you in all these pictures, he’s either the greatest actor of all time or he’s just plain into you.”

“Shh,” Violet held her finger up to her lips. “I’m going to hang up now so I can smoke weed and relax before I have to be my crush’s fake girlfriend again.”

“Godspeed, my friend.”

As Violet smoked her joint in the bathtub, the hot water up to her neck, the “smells like happy” bathtub failing to deliver its advertised effects, she thought about her past romances.

She always did tend to take a broken man and invest all her love into him, or rather the idea of him that she’d invented in her head. In truth, every man she ever thought she loved was simply a reflection of things she loved about herself, or things that she wanted her partner to love about her.

Her previous lovers were all rather boring, selfish takers who allowed her to suffocate them with love and adoration until their ego had inflated to the point of no return, leaving her to watch them as they floated off to the next best thing—the next girl too good for them that could fix the parts she couldn’t.

Deep down she knew Dieter wasn’t the same as all the men before. For starters, he actually seemed to value her—her feelings, her opinions, her way of doing shit. She knew he could be selfish, harsh, distant, cold, but he could also be generous, soft, interested, and so goddamn warm when she caught him in the right mood.

Dieter was bad for her and he was good, too—black and white and grey—which made her all the more confused about what to do.

Gathering herself a bit, she quickly got ready, doing her own hair and makeup tonight because she couldn’t bear the thought of interacting with anybody else right now.

She opted for a simple glam, her hair in cascading waves down her shoulders and back. She wore one of Dieter’s vintage t-shirts—a suggestion from Dieter himself—a distressed pair of jeans, and an oversized black leather jacket on top. Her outfit was casual but she didn’t want anything over the top—tonight was all about Dieter.

Violet beamed at the paparazzi waiting in front of 30 Rock, giving them her best smile and a friendly wave. Funny how they’d never know she was paralyzed with insecurity and sadness all the while.

“Hey,” Violet found Dieter in his dressing room, surprisingly all alone. “Thought I’d have to throw some elbows to get to you.”

“No, I, uh,” he gestured back at the hall. “I told everyone I wanted to be alone.”

“Oh—should I?” She stepped towards the door but Dieter shook his head and stood up, reaching out for her hand.

“No, stay.” Violet smiled, nodding and following him over to the sofa.

“You feeling okay?” She asked, afraid to bask in uncomfortable silence for too long. Dieter shifted in his seat, glancing at her with that boyish grin she’d become so accustomed to but at one point couldn’t have even imagined him wearing.

“Yeah, I’m okay. Just…nervous, I guess.” He reached over, lightly punching her knee. “But you being here makes it better. And sorta worse. I can’t explain it.”

“I know what you mean,” she chuckled, tilting her head at him with a soft smile, her eyes unabashed in their look of admiration. “You have nothing to be nervous about, Dieter. You’re going to be great.”

“You know, out of all the people in this bullshit industry for me to be under contract to spend time with, I’m glad it’s you,” Dieter confessed barely above a whisper, reaching up to cradle her cheek. “I just wish I was good enough for more. Maybe then I wouldn’t be so scared to act on shit.”

“What? Dieter—“

“Alright, Mr. Bravo. We’re ready for you at stage entrance.” The producer opened the door and gave them both a hurried look. Dieter gave Violet a longing look before standing up and walking out, leaving her alone with her thoughts.

What the literal fuck? Good enough for more? Act on shit? Act on what? Violet’s head spun at the thought of Dieter Bravo harboring feelings for her, and the thought of him holding back on them because he was insecure made her so dizzy she thought she could throw up. If only she could gather her wits enough to tell him that she was just as scared about the way she felt for him. That she was just as insecure about what she brought to the table.

•••

Dieter waited behind the iconic doors on the SNL set, ready to give his opening monologue. He’d written it with the help of a couple writers at the show, insisting that he wasn’t going to try to reinvent himself tonight, but simply show the viewers a newer side of him—a bit less brooding and pained than the image he’d created over his career.

Faster than he could catch his breath, the doors were being opened and he was stepping through them, walking down the stairs to the iconic jazz and applause from the crowd. He scanned the rafters, hoping to see one familiar face but shocked when he saw two more—his mother and father.

Great.

Plastering his smile even wider in hopes of hiding his actual oh my fucking god my parents are here panic.

“Thank you. Thank you.” Dieter bowed to the audience as the applause died down, his heart clambering inside his chest. “It’s an honor to be here tonight, I’m Dieter Bravo. You may know me as that one guy from that one thing that you fell asleep in the middle of but somehow won an Oscar for.” The crowd laughed. “You know, I’ve been sort of awestruck being here hosting. So many of my childhood heroes have walked these halls and stood where I’m standing now—turns out they’re all more like villains and are thankfully canceled now…which is great business for me. SNL would’ve never been desperate enough to have me on if pickings weren’t so slim around Hollywood these days.” The crowd response was a mixture laughter and ooo’s, Dieters mouth curling up into a half-smirk. He insisted that joke be kept in and had to kiss ass to get it approved but oh, the payoff. “Listen, I know I’m not known for my comedy. I’m a pretty serious guy, I like to take serious roles, but, ya know, since I’m turning forty in a couple months, I’m hoping to turn a new leaf.” The audience applauded him, Dieter nodding and trying to calm his smile before continuing. “Yeah, I used to only smoke sativa, but lately I’ve really been into indica.” Another round of scripted laughter erupted from the crowd. “No, but seriously. I’m slowly getting myself together. I’ve given up the fast life—mostly, got a new role coming up that doesn’t involve any Cliff Beasts or terrible accents, hell, I’ve even given up the all the young, beautiful supermodels in exchange for a beautiful, brilliant actress that’s here tonight up in the rafters hoping that I don’t completely embarrass her. Hi, darling.” Dieter blew her a kiss and waved his hand at her—that wasn’t scripted. “Anyways, we’ve got a great show for you all tonight. Stick around and we’ll be right back.”

The show went well, or at least he thought it did—everything was happening so fast it was hard to tell. After the end credits rolled and he’d given a fake hug to every fucking cast member, he walked off the stage, desperate to try and find Violet before his parents could inflict too much emotional abuse onto her.

Dieter found her in the green room, surrounded by a fucking mob of cast members, writers, producers, fucking interns—all of them making it near impossible for him to reach her. She was laughing and carrying on with all of them, playing her favorite role of the always-smiling American sweetheart, but he could hear the difference in her voice.

Violet was always so poised when she laughed in front of an audience, but when she was alone with Dieter, when he truly made her laugh, she was all snorts and cackles and just plain fucking real. It almost felt sacrilegious to hear his favorite sound distorted by inauthenticity like this.

“There you are,” his mother’s voice sounded from behind him and he closed his eyes, wishing her away. When he felt his father’s firm grip on his shoulder, he sighed and turned around, forcing a smile on his face.

“Ed, Marianne.” Dieter gave them a polite nod, both of them eyeing him up in that judgmental way that made him feel like a little boy again, desperate to make them proud.

“You did well out there tonight, son.” Dieter furrowed his brows at his father’s praise, remaining frozen when he was pulled in for a hug.

“Are you sick or something? Why are you hugging me?” Dieter’s mother swatted his bicep at the question, his father letting go of him.

“Nobody’s sick. We’re just proud of you. God, is it always going to be so volatile with you, Dieter? Sorry that we weren’t there as much as you may have wanted us to be, but we’re here now. Can’t we let bygones be bygones?” His mother pleaded, though her dismissal of his childhood neglect and trauma did little to win him to her side.

“Weren’t there as much as I may have wanted? You sent me off to live with a nanny across the country. That wasn’t not being there, that was abandonment,” Dieter scoffed, shaking his head as he tuned out their typical deflections to save himself the hurt.

When he felt a hand slide against his bicep, looping their arm with his, he almost jumped, but one look to his right side and he was met with Violet’s smile—one that seemed to wash away all thought.

“Found you,” she mumbled with a grin, Dieter’s lips curling up out of instinct. Violet’s eyes soon turned to his parents, her smile turning into a flat line as she glared at them. “If you two don’t mind, we have a party to get to.”

Dieter had never been more attracted to her than when she was guiding him away from his parents and down the hall to his dressing room, shooting him a knowing smile over her shoulder as she led the way.

It was moments like this that he wished he could set aside his feelings for her and just fuck her, but no matter how hard he tried to tap into his old ways, his heart and mind were dead set on giving her more.

If he was going to sleep with her, it wasn’t going to be a one off hookup, wasn’t going to be something quick and fleeting, it was going to fucking change his entire life. And as much as he wanted to dive head first into everything her, he knew he just wasn’t ready. He’d fuck it up like he always did.

“You did way too good tonight to be brought down by your shitty parents,” she assured once they were in the peace and quiet of his dressing room, spinning around to cup his cheeks.

There was a point, even if momentary, that he thought this would never happen. He assumed they’d be cold to each other, or at best friendly, but this—her hands on his face, his eyes locked on hers, the look between them that anyone could clearly see was adoration—was never in even his wildest of dreams.

“Can I kiss you?” His request was whispered, almost shy, as though it was an outrageous thing to ask. Violet tilted her head, her smile soft and just barely there as she studied him carefully, letting his question hang in the air for a moment before she was nodding. Dieter almost whimpered—something yearning and desperate inside of him surfacing for a moment. He whispered to her as he leaned in, his hands cupping her face. “You’re so beautiful.”

Violet knew the deal—she knew that these moments came with no strings attached. When he got lonely she was there and vice versa. To read any further into things was to admit defeat in this battle she was fighting internally. A battle she wasn’t quite ready to give up yet.

Dieter held her close, though his kiss remained soft enough for her to pull away at any moment. But she didn’t seem to want to. He smiled as he felt her hug him tight, his hands lowering to her waist and squeezing. He would’ve been content to stay that way forever, but of course…

“D, we gotta get you to the after party.” Andrea walked in, eying the two as they pulled away from each other breathlessly. Dieter pinched Violet’s chin, smirking down at her before turning to nod at his manager.

“Alright, just let me change.” Both Andrea and Violet left the room, though he wouldn’t have given two shits if they stayed, especially the latter.

After changing into a silk button down that was one size too big and a pair of black trousers, Dieter was making his exit from 30 Rock hand in hand with the most beautiful woman in New York City as far as he was concerned, a rare smile on his face as he waved at the paparazzi.

It seemed his fake happiness was starting to become real—and god, did that make him want to throw up.

Walking into the party, he held onto Violet’s waist, keeping her close and shielding her from everyone trying to steal her away from him.

Violet turned around, Dieter’s hand sliding to the small of her back as she leaned into him to speak over the music. “I’m gonna go get a drink, do you want anything?”

“Uh,” Dieter spotted his dealer and a few of his party friends from over her shoulder, the craving for a couple little white lines distracting him. “Just a gin and tonic. I’m, uh, gonna go to the mens room for a second.”

“Okay,” she nodded and gave him a smile before leaving him to go to the bar. Dieter watched her until she disappeared and quickly made a bee-line for the bathroom, his dealer grinning and waving at him as he neared.

“Haven’t heard from you all month,” the all-business appearing skeeze welcomed Dieter to their little bathroom party with his hands on his shoulders.

“Been busy.” Dieter kept his eye on the constantly opening and closing door as his friend set up a few lines for him on the counter. Dieter wasted no time in leaning down and snorting the white powder up, one line at a time. As he moved to snort the last line, the door swung open.

“They didn’t have any tonic, so—“ Dieter interrupted Violet with a snort, his eyes wide as he turned to see the last person he ever wanted to show this side to. Violet looked at him with a mixture of disappointment and concern, the couple remaining frozen and silent for a few beats.

“Lovely to meet you, I’m Alex. Can I fix you a line as well?” The dealer leant his hand out for Violet to shake but Dieter was quick to slap it away, giving him a warning glare as he watched Violet storm out of the doorway and back into the party. Wiping his nose, he rushed out to follow her, his heart racing from the drug and his own fear of fucking up his chances with her.

Dieter found Violet by the bar, tossing back shots with one of his “friends”, a fellow actor who was safe but a total slut—and that meant a lot coming from Dieter fuckin’ Bravo.

“You know, you’re even more beautiful in person. It’s usually the other way around,” the actor flirted, tucking Violet’s hair behind her ears.

“Does that line usually work for you?” She chuckled, now sipping on a cocktail through a little black straw.

“Usually. Is it working now?” He smirked at her as she shrugged, Dieter now quickly losing his composure as he watched the scene unfold before his eyes.

“Fuck off, Matt.” Dieter stormed over, stepping into the space between their bodies and glaring at his friend. “She’s with me.”

“She’s with nobody,” Violet corrected, glaring at Dieter for causing a scene, his blown out pupils a reminder of why she was so upset in the first place.

“Sorry, mate, I didn’t know the two of you were together for real,” his friend held up his hands in defense, giving Violet an apologetic look before he was leaving the couple alone.

“You just told Matt Smith to fuck off!” Violet scolded, too drunk to care about her volume.

“Relax, he’s a friend,” Dieter assured as he ordered a drink for himself. “A friend you seemed to be enjoying.”

“Are you jealous?” She accused with more irritation than he was hoping for.

“I’m not—not jealous, Violet. I just think if we go around flirting with other people, our little fucking showmance is gonna start to unravel.”

“I’m not your girlfriend, Dieter. If I want to flirt with someone, I’m going to flirt.” Dieter turned to her with a raised eyebrow, both turned on and enraged by her independence.

Though it was surely the drugs in control, he thought it would be fun to give her a taste of her own medicine. Turning to his other side, he spotted a model sipping on a vodka soda.

“Hey, you wanna have sex with me?” He asked as though the answer was obvious, and judging by the girl’s smile, it was.

“Sure.” Violet scoffed at her eagerness, Dieter turning back to her with a smirk.

“You’re not my girlfriend, right? So I can fuck who I please tonight?” Violet had never looked more disgusted with him, and if he’d been sober, he definitely would’ve dropped to his knees and pled for forgiveness—but he wasn’t sober right now. He was just an asshole.

“Do whatever the fuck you want, Dieter. I’m going home.” Violet set her drink down and made her way out of the party, Dieter’s eyes following her until she left the club.

“So…your place?” The model approached him, her hand sliding up his chest.

“If you sign an NDA.”

•••

Violet woke up around three in the morning to the sound of moans coming from their hotel suite’s kitchen. Furrowing her brows, she walked over to her bedroom door and cracked it open, gasping when she saw Dieter leaning back against the fridge, the model from earlier on her knees for him.

Though she felt fucking sick with jealousy—truly, she could’ve vomited right there on the fucking floor if she wasn’t so determined on keeping up her appearance—she couldn’t help but steal a glance at his appendage. After so many nights of dreaming about it, the real thing made her gasp. He was hung like a goddamn horse.

Dieter’s head was tipped back, his body bare besides the robe he kept with him like a security blanket. He held onto her head and guided her to take him in deep, vulgar slurping sounds filling the space as though he completely forgot about his roommate. Violet almost stormed out, enraged by the fact that he’d let anyone besides her get to feel him so closely—closer than she had yet to get—but soon, a name slipping off his lips in a breathless moan made her totally forget her rage.

“Oh, fuck, Violet. So fucking good.” Violet covered her mouth as she gasped, watching as the model pulled away from him and very hoarsely corrected his slip-up in names. “Yeah, sure, whatever, just don’t stop.”

“You’re a fucking asshole.” The model stood up and fixed her outfit, seemingly having been on her way out of the hotel room before he seduced her one more time in the kitchen, storming out of the room with a slam of the door.

Dieter sighed at his still-raging erection, pumping it with his open fist until he was painting the kitchen tile white with a feral growl slipping from his lips.

Violet looked on at the scene, his flushed chest heaving from his orgasm ripping through his body, his long and thick cock dripping white as he stroked it lazily, his soft moans filling the room like the most beautiful song she’d ever heard.

“Next time you bring someone home—don’t.” Violet announced her presence, watching as Dieter jumped and let out a girlish shriek. Giving him a stern look, she watched him as he stayed frozen in place, his eyes lowering to his now half-softened length.

“You wanna—“

“Fuck you, Dieter.” She slammed her bedroom door and locked it. Though she still very much did “wanna”, it wasn’t going to be that fucking easy for him.

No matter how beautiful and impressively fucking hung he was.

•••

dieter taglist: @browneyes-issac @wildemaven @laureliciousdefinition @trinkets01 @paulalikestuff @toomanystoriessolittletime @alwayslurkinginthebackground @pastelnap @fishingforpike @littlemisspascal @wheresarizona @pedropascalsx (please let me know if you’d like to be added to the taglist!)

#pedro pascal #pedro pascal fic #pedro pascal fanfiction #dieter bravo series #dieter bravo bubble #dieter bravo fic #dieter bravo angst #dieter bravo fluff #dieter bravo x oc #dieter bravo smut #plastic hearts

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dearweirdme · 9 months

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I'm sorry I just read that condescending ask from that Jkkr / Taennie about Taehyung trying to deflect attention by mentioning JK and I'm going to say they are incredibly full of themselves about 'knowing' how these things work. They basically think Taehyung is only popular for his visual and his ship, and so he NEEDS Taekookers unlike other BTS members. That's insulting. Taehyung is one of the most charismatic performers, known for his personality, and the second best singer in BTS. The industry also respects him : the writer of Christmas tree wrote it FOR him, 10 cm performed it; Min Heejin who is pretty opinionated was impressed and wanted to produce his album; he's among the first few singers on NPR Tiny Desk Korea.

And it's anyway false that he only 'namedropped Jungkook'. He also gave updates about Jimin, Jin and Jhope in those lives. But that doesn't fit this narrative that he was trying to keep his fandom from running away.

I don't even know how it makes sense that Taehyung would voluntarily go on a planned pap walk with his girlfriend and then 'get scared'. Especially since this has been going on since last June.

Taehyung hasn't even apologized for rumours like Jungkook has, if y'all think about it, and that wasn't even at this level of attention. If he had to keep his fans happy or something. He just does his own thing. I think that's why people hate him so much, because they know he's genuine and self-willed and not a self-admitted people pleaser.

Hi anon!

Yeah, I really don’t understand how people can have such an opinion about Tae. Just because you don’t understand something doesn’t mean it’s bad or negative.

Tae is kind, and he has a lot of feelings, and he’s so thoughtful. All members love him very much as well, and that should tell people something.

#tae #taennope #taekook

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starrierknight · 6 months

Text

̥۪͙۪˚┊❛ 𝐅𝐀𝐐 ❜ ┊˚

𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐄: I ignore asks/comments where the following questions have already been answered.

⋆ ˚｡⋆┊𝐖𝐑𝐈𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆 — 𝐁𝐘𝐅┊⋆ ｡˚⋆

⋆ ˚｡★ "why do you write?"

I started writing because I couldn't find anything tailored exactly to my preferences as a reader!

Generally speaking, I like reading content that challenges me or gives me something to mull over, and I adore long, descriptive prose. I love flexing my vocabulary and being a total nerd for writing techniques. So, now, I make it my business to write things that will challenge me as a reader and as a writer.

Additionally, as a non-binary person, I can have a hard time finding fics where the reader insert isn't gendered. So, I wanted this blog and my writing to be for people like me to enjoy themselves without the dysphoria jump scares lol.

⋆ ˚｡★ "how long have you been writing?"

While I created 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐫𝐤𝐧𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 on 17/08/23, I actually started writing back in mid-April of 2020 on @starrierknight-main.

I was a Harry Potter enthusiast (rip) and also fifteen. You can probably still find old bits and pieces of my old HP writing there, but I wouldn't recommend any of it lmao.

⋆ ˚｡★ "how do you think of your ideas? what inspires you?"

Most of the time they come to me spontaneously or from things I encounter on a day-to-day basis. That being said, I draw plenty of stylistic/thematic inspiration from published writers and music.

A good example of this would be looking at the epigraph I include at the start of every fic!

⋆ ˚｡★ "can I take inspiration from your writing?" inspiration: the process of being mentally stimulated to do or feel something, especially to do something creative.

I'm inclined to say no, even if you include credit.

On the one hand, I'm incredibly flattered that anyone would be interested/inspired by my writing! It means a lot to me! On the other, I encourage individualism and creativity as much as I can.

Obviously, I don't own the characters I write for, nor do I own character + scenarios (e.g. Gojo Satoru + Coffee Shop AU). In writing, and especially in fanfiction, ideas and characters will circulate, and there will be plenty of writers creating their own works with the same concept(s) but different approaches/interpretations.

This is nothing new—writers have been doing this for centuries—and I have no issues with this.

However: A lot of the AUs I have written/plan to write are my own original concept, and so I do feel a sense of 'ownership' over them. I have various projects in the works (that are secret + a surprise) that I would rather no one took inspiration from.

At a later date, once they are published on this blog, I'll link them here. For now, I apologise for the elusive answer lol.

Instead, I suggest looking at the epigraphs I include, and maybe you'll draw inspiration from those sources just like I did ❤︎

⋆ ˚｡★ "can I write a continuation of one of your fics/series?"

Under absolutely any circumstances: No.

⋆ ˚｡★ "will you ever write for a fandom that's not Jujutsu Kaisen?"

It's not out of the question, but it's not on the cards right now.

Although I'm a part of other fandoms, JJK is a special interest of mine, and will (likely) always be my priority. I'm most confident writing for JJK characters because I 'know' them best and understand the JJK fictional universe best.

Plus, JJK is my favourite fandom out of all the ones I'm in, and it's important to me that I write about things I enjoy.

⋆ ˚｡★ "will you ever write for dom!characters/sub!readers?"

I would sooner gnaw through my own leg, tbh.

More power to all writers/readers who enjoy that content! Personally, I don't enjoy writing/reading it, so this blog will never produce it.

⋆ ˚｡★ "what are your writing DON'Ts?"

dark content: rape/non-con, paedophilia, loli/shotacon, feederism, incest and "-cest" variations, age play, bestiality, raceplay, necrophilia, eating disorders, domestic abuse, daddy issues

nsfw: scat/piss/vomit/farts, pregnancy/breeding, choking (receiving), spit play (receiving), degradation (receiving), anal (receiving), lactation, oviposition, gimp suits, tentacles, omegaverse, daddy kink, reader insert sucking peepee

sfw: reader or characters with children, childbirth, pregnancy, coffee shop AUs

readers: sub!readers, female!readers, male!readers, AMAB!readers, [ethnicity]!readers

⋆ ˚｡★ "what are your writing DOs? what are some of your favourite things to write?"

dark content: dub-con & free use, (symbolic) cannibalism, sacrilege, graphic violence, major character death, suicidal imagery/thoughts, allusions to self-harm, (some) mental health issues, yandere, allusions to abuse, mommy issues

nsfw: sub!top characters, dacryphilia, brats & brat taming, S&M, exhibitionism, pain and impact play, restraints, collaring & leashes, knife play, cum & spit play, fisting, edging, overstimulation, praise & degradation, frottage, mommy kink, role reversal (e.g. dom!maid x sub!master), enemies with benefits, rivals with benefits

sfw: forbidden love, vampirism, historical AUs, kneeling, pining & yearning & longing, domestic/romcom worthy fluff, enemies to lovers, rivals to lovers, meet-uglies

readers: dom!readers, gn!readers, AFAB!readers, bold!readers

⋆ ˚｡⋆┊𝐁𝐋𝐎𝐆 — 𝐁𝐋𝐎𝐂𝐊𝐄𝐃?┊⋆ ｡˚⋆

⋆ ˚｡★ "how do you make your theme? what apps do you use?"

Pinterest for images, PicsArt for editing, IBIS Paint for cool fonts.

⋆ ˚｡★ "can I take inspiration from your theme?"

Sure! Just keep it within the bounds of 'inspiration' rather than copying.

Black & white themes are pretty common, so keep in mind that it's in your best interest to make your blog 'concept' as unique to you as you can.

⋆ ˚｡★ "what does your URL mean? how do you pronounce it?"

pronunciation: starry-er-night

Well, if you haven't already guessed, I really love stars. I also happen to love Van Gogh's painting, 'Starry Night', and wanted it to be in reference to that.

When I was tryna think of a URL, I first tried "starrystarrynight", but it was taken. I tried out a load of variations before landing on 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐫𝐤𝐧𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭. Honestly, I think my current URL is cooler than what I originally wanted.

⋆ ˚｡★ "what does your blog title mean?"

“Hell is empty and all the devils are here.”

― William Shakespeare, The Tempest

If you've read any of my NSFW writing, you'll be able to see that my reader inserts are often sadistic!doms that make sub!characters cry for their enjoyment. This blog produces and has followers who interact with its dark content which may be considered "hellish" for those who aren't "devils". See what I did there?

Also, I love writing angst and putting characters (and readers) through their paces, i.e. my writing will give you a reason call me a devil, since it's anything but pure.

⋆ ˚｡★ "why don't you respond to anon hate?"

Simply put, I have no interest in entertaining losers who feel like coming onto an (erotic) anime fanfiction blog and harassing me. I don't see the point in encouraging negativity, nor do I want people to see me and think, "Oh, well clearly this person falls for bait."

"...but what if they make a valid point?"

In which case, they can come off anon and send me an ask or DM me, and we can talk about it like adults. Because this is, y'know, an 18+ blog. If you act like a child here, then I'll treat you like one―you'll get blocked.

"...but it's funny!"

Is it, though? So, what? So, I can waste my time mulling over clever responses to post and you can pat me on the back and say, "Well done, Reece! You really showed them who's boss!" As if anyone here gives enough shits lmao.

⋆ ˚｡⋆┊𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐎𝐍𝐀𝐋 — 𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐑𝐎┊⋆ ｡˚⋆

⋆ ˚｡★ "do you have any other accounts?"

➸ follows & interactions: @starrierknight-main

➸ fic recs: @stars-and-scrolls

⋆ ˚｡★ "can we be mutuals?"

Drop me a line and see! Broadly speaking, I'm pretty picky about what blogs I follow.

If I don't respond to an ask requesting to be mutuals, there's no hard feelings. I don't have anything against you personally, we just likely wouldn't have much in common.

Even if we don't end up being mutuals, I'm sure I'd still love to chat to you if you send me asks ❤︎

#꒰ ✰ ꒱ — my stars shine darkly #hhhhhh i've been meaning to make this faq for a while now lol #to everyone who's sent me a q like this that i hadn't responded to #this is why lolol

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wyxan · 5 months

Text

Fanfic Writing New Year's Resolutions

Thank you to @mightymightygnomepriest for tagging me in her resolutions, it was lovely to sit and think about this!

2023 marks the year I really properly started recovering from a serious breakdown in 2020. One of the most precious parts of my recovery has been rebuilding what it means to be me as a full person - what I like and dislike, what sparks joy, what tastes yucky, what I'll tolerate and what will overwhelm me. It's been a year of trying things and being stupendously brave and proud of myself and celebrating everything that I try with enthusiasm. It's also been trying out expressing opinions, and sharing my actual thoughts and feelings with others - something I didn't realize was a) so scary and b) took so much practice.

I think I've been really very lucky by the people that I have bumped into along the way who have, perhaps unknowingly, pulled me along in their slipstream and shared a bit of their joy. I'm trying to practice believing they value and enjoy my comments and input, and showing that I'm grateful without getting super into the weeds.

So, my resolutions are very much on the theme of developing as a person and sharing that person with others:

I'm going to take part in the DC/Marvel Crossover Fanworks Celebration run by @dc-marvel-crossovers at the start of 2024. It has been so nice to rediscover DC and to continue loving Marvel, and to be involved in such an encouraging and enthusiastic community! A whole event designed to celebrate other writers is the definition of "sparks joy". I was really insanely nervous to take part in the advent calendar event but the enjoyment was worth the nerves so I'm throwing myself in the deep end again, this time with armbands on.

I'd like to write a couple of gift fics and give back a little more tangibly to those who have made 2023 so fun. I have some ideas percolating which I think will be fun for the receivers.

I'm going to produce at least 2 pieces of fan art - one for the crossover event, and one which I have had planned for a good few months but have been too scared that it needs to be perfect so it has stayed not done at all. I'm going to post them even if I personally think they are pants - recognizing both that sometimes my own opinion is skewed and that everyone has to start somewhere!

I'm going to continue to comment on the fics that I read and sharing out my favorite lines / themes / descriptions with the writer. I'm not going to make it a chore, it's about sharing joy!

I want to be brave enough to be varied and to write what I want to write, regardless of whether that may be popular. I think I learned this year that sometimes fic writing will mean a) acknowledging that something not getting a lot of hits or feedback can feel hurtful and b) I felt joy and pride while writing it and still do while reading it, so 2024 I will practice how to hold both of those as true at the same time.

Finally, and potentially most importantly, I'm going to try lots of different things, and find what I like and what I don't like to write. I'm going to separate what I like and don't like from what I'm good at or what gets good feedback, and focus instead on how the writing process makes me feel.

Having said that I'm practicing being an actual person in people's lives, I'm not quite at the place where I think people will want me to tag them without massively worrying I will annoy them (baby steps). If anyone else fancies making one of these I would genuinely love to see your thoughts for the new year!

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oswaldsleftbicep · 4 months

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hi! i was wondering if you could write headcanons about married life with Oswald, Kaim and Lucas :)

married life with oswald, kaim, & lucas

the way i was about to beg someone to request more of this scenario-

genre: fluff

cw: language

Oswald

❧ give me a blue collar romance like this one please-

❧ if it's what you prefer, he'd be the sole breadwinner of your family, he'll pick up the extra shift for it, he won't mind, but he'd also appreciate you helping out with the finances too with your own career. whatever field you choose, he's gonna brag about you so hard and bring it up to his coworkers all the time

❧ he's kinda clueless when it comes to shopping so he leaves most of it to you, although he's amazing at navigating a farmer's market and finding the right produce. if he comes shopping with you, he is absolutely pushing the cart for you, no questions asked. if you bring him to a larger supermarket, he's gonna get overwhelmed by all the choices lol

❧ he's,, decent enough at cooking, like he's pretty solid at a few basic dishes and he can make a mean stew, but he'd much prefer to do the dishes, or at least help you cook and wash dishes with you after. he also spends time learning new breakfast dishes to surprise you with breakfast in bed,, sometimes it's a little burned or sloppy looking but he tries his best :,)

❧ pretty forgetful when it comes to smaller anniversaries like when your first date was, even though he has them all written down on a little calendar hung up in your kitchen, but he'll die before he forgets your wedding anniversary. he spoils you rotten those days, i'm talking flowers, a nice dinner, and a night out. if he happens to work that day, he'll set aside some money for you to go get yourself pampered with getting your hair done or buying a new outfit the whole thing is giving dirt on my boots by jon pardi ugh i wish-

❧ he tries to make friday night dates a regular thing but sometimes they get pushed back to saturday because he works so much. most of the dates are picked out by you and he pays for them lol, but i could also see him making one of those date jars with you to take the pressure of choosing off of your shoulders. he loves to see you happy and enjoying yourself so if there's an event you want to go to or a movie you want to go see, he'll gladly take you there and call it a date

❧ he's kinda scared to have kids but he's not opposed to the idea. it's something he's gonna need to talk with you about so he can work out his fears and worries. he also would prefer to wait until you're completely financially ready for, he'd like to have a decent amount saved up beforehand. in the meantime, he's all for getting a pet. he seems better suited with a dog, and if that's what you wanna go for, he'll most certainly train it to protect you :,) on the other hand tho, imagine him with a little cat or a mouse and he's just so gentle and cautious with it ugh

❧ he's a humble living kinda man, and that definitely reflects through his preference of house. he'd want something small, just enough for the two of you plus one. he'll let you decorate your home to your hearts content, whatever you want the inside and outside to look like is game; he'll do all the heavy lifting for you

❧ the one thing he wants to do is help you hang up pictures of the two of you all around your new home so they're displayed proudly to anyone who sees them :)

Kaim

❧ he's a traditional man, so he's perfectly okay being the only one working, but if that's the case he expects you to take charge of the house work when he's not there. if you also work, then the housework is evenly shared. he takes care of the paperwork when it comes to bills, he even has a little writers desk that he uses solely for writing checks and sorting bills

❧ absolutely can be trusted with grocery shopping, but this mf will not stray from the list; if it's not written down or established ahead of time that you need an extra item, he won't get it. if you try to sneak something into the cart, he'll give you the look and tell you to put it back. you have to be very persistent in order to get a treat lol

❧ he's a dream partner really when it comes to cooking and cleaning as he can do both with no problem. he has designated days of the week and month for cleaning the house, and it's a schedule he expects you to follow as well; on big cleaning days, he'll assign you a list of chores for you to take care of, istg it's like this man never leaves work. more often than not he does the cooking, so because of that he'll want you to do the dishes to make it even. if you ask nicely tho he'll help you with the dishes. he'd be down for taking turns with who does the cooking and dishes, too

❧ very frugal when it comes to celebrating anniversaries and milestones; for the most part he'll only celebrate your wedding anniversary with flowers and a nice dinner out of the house. if you wish for him to start honoring some of the smaller anniversaries and milestone, just voice it to him and he'll remember them and do a little something special

❧ just like the anniversaries, dates are kinda sparse with him too, but when y'all do go on dates after you're married, they are out the roof with how fancy they are. he's a bourgie mf and he'll find local galas and other formal events to take you to. he'll also arrange smaller, less social events too, like y'all frequent a local music hall and often go see an orchestra or a play; you'll also go to classical museums and quaint little cafes. he's also all for staying home and completing a puzzle with you, or reading books by the fire with a drink of choice

❧ he's perfectly content with life without having kids, he doesn't really see it as something that'll complete the two of you in any way. if you want to add a child to your family, it's gonna take a lot of talk and meticulous planning to make sure you'll have everything ready and prepared. he's also content without pets, but if you want one, he'll ask for one that's more on the clean side that won't leave much of a mess

❧ he doesn't care what kind of house the two of you move into, be it big or small, either way he's doing the decorating, or at the very least, he's picking the themes and color schemes for each room and he'll let you pick the furniture based on his criteria lol

❧ he's a sucker for late night slow dances while unwinding after a long day, swaying back and forth under candlelight and holding you close :,)

Lucas

❧ i see him doing some kind of freelance career which, unfortunately, won't pay the bills by itself unless y'all wanna commit serious tax fraud so you'll also need to work too. he's very reassuring about it all tho, so you never have to worry about not being able to afford things

❧ he likes grocery shopping at local markets, and he'll even find a way to make a date out of it too! like if that particular market is hosting a petting zoo or something where you can pick your own fruits, he'll take you that day. he says he prefers shopping locally because it supports small farmers and it has fun things like what was just mentioned, but the truth is he gets helplessly lost in supermarkets and doesn't want to deal with getting lost. like one minute you'll be in the same aisle and next thing you know he's at the other side of the store in the auto department and he's so confused

❧ he's a great cook and even better baker, so he'll gladly handle all the food prep, but he also unironically enjoys doing the dishes too. he's perfectly content doing all the work in the kitchen, but if you offer your help, he'll take it in a heartbeat and enjoy moving around the kitchen with you and playing a bit with the ingredients

❧ you won't ever have to worry about him missing an anniversary, he remembers everything from when you first met to the day you got married. he celebrates each one proportionally to the event, so like the anniversary of your first date will get something small and cute like a bouquet of freshly picked flowers, whereas your wedding anniversary will be celebrated with an elaborate trip somewhere you've been talking about traveling to for a while. he's also super big on homemade gifts, giving and receiving; if he had to pick between going on a trip to his dream destination and a homemade gift from you, he'll pick whatever creation you've made

❧ he's so easy when it comes to dates, anywhere you want to go is game to him whether it's a touristy location a few hours away or a small local antique shop. speaking of which, he loves going to antique shops and thrift stores, and you will absolutely leave each time with something new to add to your home. he also doesn't mind date nights in where the two of you work on a giant puzzle or make a craft together; i feel like he'd love making jewelry with you for the two of you to exchange and wear

❧ he doesn't have a strong preference to having kids, a life with you in it is all he needs, whether or not there's children involved. if you do have kids, you can bet that he's gonna spoil the ever loving hell out of them. the same energy goes toward pets, too, like he'll get your pet plenty of toys and equipment to keep them active and stimulated

❧ no matter how big y'all's house is, it's gonna be filled with so much clutter. he's not a hoarder and wouldn't encourage that lifestyle, but he's a maximalist and likes to surround himself with things he finds appealing. he even encourages you to do the same; it's just as much your home as it is his and he wants to see elements of you throughout it

❧ if you have a collection of something, or you're keen to start one, he'll absolutely encourage it and find a place just for your special things. there's this one tik tok i saw of this woman who collected mugs and her ex husband would complain every time she brought a new one home, but her new boyfriend built a whole display shelf just for her mugs; that is absolutely something lucas would do for you :,)

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