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waitimcomingtoo · 1 month

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Smell Ya Later

Pairing: Peter Parker x Reader

Synopsis: you get a new body cream that allegedly attracts spiders, and someone else

Masterlist

Whenever you needed a some space from your everyday routines, you packed up your stuff and spent the weekend in your room at the Stark Tower. You had spent the day shopping and picked up a few self care items, including a new body cream you had seen online. Once night had fallen and you felt you had shopped enough, you retreated back to your room and sat at your desk to look at the things you had bought.

“Let’s see how you smell.” You said as you twisted the cap off the body cream. You had barely raised the jar to your nose when Peter appeared the doorway of your room.

“Hey.” He greeted.

“Jeez. You scared me. I didn’t know you were here tonight.” You laughed and put your hand over your pounding heart.

“Yeah, I’m spending the weekend here to give my aunt some time with her boyfriend. But, sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you. I was walking by and wanted to come say hi.” He laughed shyly.

“Oh. Well, hi.” You smiled and gave him a little wave.

“Mm. Something smells really good in here.” Peter sniffed the air as he walked into your room. You were pretty sure this was the first tike Peter was actually in your room and that made you gulp.

“Really? I don’t smell anything.”

“Maybe it’s just the air. Girls rooms always smell good.” He shrugged.

“Are you in a lot of girls rooms?” You asked teasingly but were dying to know the answer.

“No.” He chuckled. “But I remember from going over to girls houses for group projects and stuff in middle school. Plus, Natasha’s and Wanda’s room always smells good when I walk by. Not that I go around sniffing everyone’s rooms.”

“I’m starting to think you might.” You mumbled out of the corner of your mouth.

“I don’t, I swear. Did you just go shopping?” He laughed and leaned against your desk. You sucked in a sharp breath over the close proximity and nodded your head.

“I did. But I didn’t get anything exciting.”

“What do you mean? This looks very exciting. What is this?” Peter asked as he held up a fluffy headband with a large bow at the front.

“A headband to keep my hair out of my face when I wash it.”

“Oh. I thought it was a giant scrunchie. Or a really small tube top.” Peter pursed his lips as he turned the headband over in his hands to try and understand it.

“No. Neither.” You laughed shyly as you watched him touch your things.

“What’s this thing?” He asked and held up your heartless curls rod.

“It’s for heartless curls.” You replied, making Peter look at you in confusion.

“You know. Curling your hair. With no heat.”

“This tiny pool noodle curls your hair?” Peter asked in disbelief and held up the limp rod.

“Yes. You wrap it around this and sleep in it. Then you wake up with curly hair.” You explained and wrapped a strand of your hair around it to demonstrate.

“Okay. I’m getting closer to understanding. What role does this thing play in all of that that?” Peter asked as he picked up a claw clip from your desk and opened it a few times.

“You use this to clip the rod onto your head while you wrap your hair.” You informed him.

“Wow. Sometimes I feel like girls live in an entirely different secret world than boys. Like, I just put water in my hair and say I’m ready. But you guys have all these fun fancy contraptions.” He smiled as he played with a scrunchie on your desk.

“Yeah. I guess it is kinda fun.” You shrugged as you looked at all the silly contraptions laid out in your desk.

“Woah. What’s this thing?” Peter gasped and picked up your jade roller that was still in the package.

“It’s called a jade roller.”

“You’re gonna have to explain.” He said and looked to you for help.

“I haven’t tried it yet but basically you put it in the refrigerator and then roll it on your face to decrease puffiness in the morning.” You explained as you took it out of the box.

“And it works?”

“I don’t know. But it feels good.” You shrugged and rolled it up and down your cheek.

“I can’t imagine that medieval looking thing feeling good.” Peter mumbled.

“It does. Come here.” You beckoned him with your finger and he leaned down closer to your face. You smiled timidly at him as you rolled it up and down his face.

“See? It feels nice, right?” You asked in a soft voice.

“I’ve never experienced this feeling before.” Peter said and closed his eyes peacefully.

“You should get one.” You chuckled and rolled it on his forehead.

“I don’t know. Mr. Stark already made fun of me for my Lana Del Ray poster. If he sees this in my room he might think I’m a little weirdo.”

“Who cares what he thinks? He has a “nail girl” for his weekly manicures and pedicures. And I think it’s attractive when a guy cares about his hygiene. Which says a lot about my standards now that I say that out loud.” You realized and thought about that for a minute.

“Maybe I will get one then. Because I care about my hygiene. A lot. More than the other guys you know, I bet.” Peter bragged, making you laugh.

“I would not have a hard time believing that.” You answered honestly.

“Why do you need all this stuff anyway? You’re so pretty.” Peter asked as he gestured to all the things on your desk. Guy cracked a smile at his casual compliment but didn’t make a big deal out of it.

“It guess it’s like you said. It’s fun. I like using these things when I’m having quiet time by myself.”

“I like that. That’s something new I just learned about you. I also didn’t know your last name until right now.” Peter tapped a school paper on your desk that said your full name. You laughed as he stood up and headed towards your door. The moment was ending but it was the first time you really talked to Peter one on one in that way so you still took it as a win.

“Seriously. Something smells really good in here.” He said from your doorway.

“I think I smell it too now. Maybe somethings in the air.” You smiled shyly.

“Must be.” He smirked. “Goodnight, L/n.”

“Goodnight, Parker.” You called after him. Once he was gone, you stayed looking at the doorway with a starstruck smile on your face. You didn’t know what prompted Peter to talk to you all of the sudden but you were thankful to whatever it was.

The next day, you went downstairs for breakfast and found Natasha and Wanda in the kitchen. You stopped to talk to them for a minute as you finished rubbing your body cream onto your elbows.

“Ooo. You smell good. What is that?” Natasha asked you.

“It’s a body cream from that brand Sol De Janeiro. I’ve never used it before but it had good reviews.” You told her as you smelled your wrist to catch the scent again.

“Wow. It’s really nice.” She sniffed you again. “You smell like how Moana feels to watch.”

“Thank you.” You smiled. “But when did you watch Moana?”

“I was thinking more along the lines of luxury sunblock or every flower scented candle at Yankee Candle at once.” Wanda added.

“That description also works, thank you.” You nodded in agreement.

“That reminds me.” Natasha began. “I need to get a new perfume. I’ve become totally nose blind to mine and I can never tell-“

“Hey guys. Mmm. Something smells good. What is that?” Peter burst into the room suddenly full of energy while loudly sniffing the air. You smiled and waved at him and he immediately went over to you.

“It’s this one.” Wanda said and pointed to you. Peter put his hand on your back and stepped closer to you to taken whiff.

“Oh, yeah. It is you. You smell amazing.” He told you.

“Oh, thank you.” You laughed shyly. “It’s just my body cream.”

“God damn. It smells so good.” Peter gushed. “I’ve never smelled anything like that. What’s it called?”

“Um, I’m not sure. I could find out and tell you, though.” You offered.

“Yeah, sure. I probably wouldn’t use it because it smells like a woman angel that turned into a vanilla bean but I wouldn’t keep a jar around just to sniff. It smells amazing.” He insisted and moved close to you to inhale again.

“So you’ve said.” Natasha snorted and gave you a look. You gave her a confused look as Peter put his hands on your hips and nose right on your shoulder to smell you.

“Sorry. I just really love that scent. It makes me feel like that scene in Ratatouille.” Peter said.

“What scene?” You looked over your shoulder to ask him and tried not to scream over how he was holding you.

“When that guy eats the ratatouille.” He said simply. “Holy shit, L/n. You smell like a flower that was dipped in crystallized sugar and then rolled in fairy dust. I could smell you all day.”

Just then, Tony walked by and saw how close Peter was to you. He frowned when he heard Peter sniffing loudly and rolled up the magazine in his hand.

“Down boy. Bad. Off of her.” Tony said as he smacked Peter with the magazine.

“But she smells so good.” Peter whined.

“No. Bad. Bad boy.” Tony shook his head and continued hitting Peter with the magazine.

“Fine.” Peter grumbled. “Bye.”

“Bye.” You waved to him as he left the room. Once you were alone with the girls again, they looked at you with raised eyebrows.

“What?” You wondered.

“How long has that been going on?” Wanda asked you.

“How long has what been going on?”

“You and Peter.” Natasha replied.

“What? There’s nothing going on between me and Peter.” You forced a laugh and looked to the side.

“Well he clearly wants there to be something. I have not seen a boy that down bad since high school. Wait, how old are you guys again? 14?” Wanda asked.

“22.” You corrected. “And Peter is not down bad for me. I’m pretty sure he likes this girl from his school.”

“What’s her name?” Natasha asked.

“Liz.” You answered immediately. “I mean, I don’t know. Who cares?”

“Oh, so the crush is mutual?” Wanda nodded in understating.

“No. Nothing is mutual.” You scoffed. “This isn’t liberty.”

“Oh, you have it so bad.” Natasha laughed at how flustered you were getting.

“Nuh uh. Maybe you like Peter and you’re trying to deflect. Ever think about that?” You asked her.

“Right. I like a middle schooler who cries to Lana Del Ray on weeknights.” She answered sarcastically.

“She has very moving music.” You defended him.

“I think it’s cute that you guys like each other.” Wanda said. “And it makes total sense for you to be together. You’re the same age and have a similar lifestyle. Why not tell him how you feel?”

“Because I don’t like him.” You insisted. “And he doesn’t like me.”

“If he doesn’t like you then why was he just using you like a scratch and sniff?” Natasha raised an eyebrow.

“Maybe he just likes to sniff things.” You shrugged. “Maybe that’s his thing.”

“Or maybe you’re his thing.” Natasha replied.

“Do you really think he likes me?” You asked them hopefully.

“I always kinda thought he did.” Wanda admitted. “And After that disturbing encounter, there’s no doubt in my mind. He’s definitely into you.”

“Hm.” You hummed and thought about it. You’d always had a secret crush on him and he had no idea so maybe it was possible that he felt the same way about you without you ever realizing.

You spent the day thinking about what the girls had said. Your thinking was interrupted when Peter returned to your room that night and took a whiff of the air.

“Mm. Smells good in here.” He noted.

“I have a candle on. I mean, lit.” You corrected yourself and pointed to your candle.

“Don’t knock it over and burn your room down. That happened to Brittany Spears, you know.”

“Oh, I know.” You insisted. “I watch all the videos of her spinning in her living room.”

“Same.” He laughed. “What are you doing right now?”

“Nothing. Why?”

“I was gonna go grab food. Would you want to-“

“Yes.” You said immediately. You felt embarrassed for answering so fast but Peter didn’t seem to mind.

“Cool. Let’s go.” He said and nodded towards the door.

Thirty minutes later, you were sitting on a bench outside of Delmar’s with sandwiches and bottles of ice tea. Peter picked the place and you followed his lead when ordering because he seemed like a regular.

“And why is it flat?” You asked him as he held up his squished sandwich.

“Because it tastes better the flatter it is, duh. Try it.” He insisted and gestured to your squished sandwich. You gave him a skeptical look before giving it a bite.

“Okay. You might be on to something.” You admitted once you had swallowed.

“Thank you. Every few years my brain lets me have one good idea.” Peter said as he happily chewed his sandwich.

“What was the good idea before this one?”

“Chips in my sandwich.”

“I see. And are these ideas always sandwich related?” You chuckled.

“Wait.” He gasped. “Yeah. They are.”

“Maybe it’s a sign. Maybe you’re a natural born sandwich maker.” You shrugged.

“Maybe I’m Jersey Mike.” He gasped even louder, making you laugh. People were looking but you were too excited to be there with him to care.

“I was gonna say you’re Jared from Subway but I think he’s a pedophile or something.” You told him.

“What? No way.” Peter scoffed and pulled out his phone to google it.

“Oh damn. You’re right.” He realized. “Wow. Even Jared from Subway is a bad guy? Is no one safe?”.

“I mean, you could really say any male celebrities name and there’s like a 50% chance he has charges against him.” You shrugged.

“That’s so true. My record is clean, by the way.” Peter told you. “Until my identity gets revealed. Then I’m looking at a lifetime of property damages and breaking and entering charges.”

“Oh, for me too. I have trespassed more times than I’ve actually been invited somewhere.” You answered. Peter laughed and then looked at you fondly for a minute. You grew self conscious under his gaze and nervously cleared your throat.

“I’m sorry. I keep getting distracted by your perfume.” He admitted. “I can’t get over how good it smells. You smell like the freaking sugarplum fairy.”

“Thank you. You smell good too.” You complicated and nudged him a little.

“That’s because I stole some of Mr. Starks super expensive cologne before we left. He called me to his room once just to show me the price tag on it. I thought it was his social security number at first. And the bottle is so small. I thought it was stupid to spend so much on such a tiny bottle but now that I’m wearing it I feel like I really want to fire someone.”

“I can’t say I’ve ever felt that feeling.”

“Me either. Until today. I smell like a whole different tax bracket right now and I don’t know if I can go back to my Axe Dark Temptation spray. I don’t want to smell like the bourgeois anymore.”

“Thats so funny.” You chuckled. “Do you always take his cologne?”

“Never. Just for today because I knew I was gonna ask you to hang out.” He said before taking a bite. You paused and sat with the implication that he did something just to impress you.

“I’m flattered to know you stole for me.” You said with a coy smile.

“Well you always smell amazing so I didn’t want you to think you were hanging out with some stinky rat.” Peter explained.

“I would never say that about you. I must say, you’re the best smelling rat I’ve been around.”

“Since we live in New York, I’m taking that as a compliment and letting it inflate my ego.” Peter warned you.

“Your ego must be pretty big already though, right? If I was a guy your age who looked like you did and could do the things you can do, I’d be super annoying about it. Like, raise my hand in class using two fingers and ask a question that’s just a roundabout way to show off how intelligent I am kind of annoying.”

“Looks like me? Can you elaborate on that, please, miss?” He asked with a cheeky smile.

“You know.” You rolled your eyes playfully. “Giant muscles. Giant brown eyes. I don’t know much about spiders but giant something else, I’m guessing. That spider bite served you well.”

“Stop. I’m shy.” Peter laughed and covered his face with his hands

“Come on.” You groaned. “You have to know you’re cute.”

“My aunt says I’m a handsome little lad.” He said and batted his eyelashes to make you laugh.

“She’s right.” You laughed. “But seriously. If my arms looked like that I’d only wear tight white shirts and ridiculously skinny jeans. And obviously slick my hair back like a Greaser. A full Soda Pop Curtis, if you will.”

“Oh, so you’re an Outsiders fan? This is me trying to maintain a regular conversation while hoping my heart rate returns to normal after being bombarded with compliments, by the way.” Peter said with a rosy blush on his face.

“I love The Outsiders. I’m still chasing the high I felt when my teacher played the movie for us in 5th grade and Soda Pop came out of the shower in the beginning. I think all the girls in that room remember that moment. I haven’t felt that way since.”

“Really? Never?”

“Maybe once or twice.” You smiled fondly at him.

“Well, to answer your question, I am actually a total loser at school and have an ego the size of a walnut. No one knows I can do the things I can do so I’m just another goofy goober on campus.”

“How can you saw you’re a goober when you’ve probably saved the life of every person in your school? More than once I might add.”

“Because I didn’t do that stuff. Spiderman did.” He explained. “When I’m on campus, I’m just me. It’s the only way to protect my identity. I have to let all the credit go to someone else.”

“Okay, I get not taking credit to remain humble and anonymous and what not, but what about all the other cool stuff you can do? I’ve seen you move a refrigerator with ease and casually run a mile without breaking a sweat. How do you resist the urge to show off all the time?”

“Because I wasn’t some sports star before I was bitten so it would be highly suspicious if I showed up one day and started dunking on everyone and breaking their ankles and third sports term. I only want to use my abilities to help people. Not to get popular.” He shrugged. As he spoke, you felt your crush on him turned into full blown infactuation. You’d always liked him from afar but now that you were getting to know him, he was even better than you thought.

“You’re better than me. I’d be doing backflips down the hallway and climbing on the walls. And if I got in trouble, I’d just be like “remember when New York wasn’t taken over by aliens? You’re welcome, bitch.” And then I’d swing away and probably kiss a cheerleader. Maybe even two.” You told him.

“Uh uh. My powers have definitely not gotten me any kisses from cheerleaders.” He laughed and shook his head.

“So you don’t have a girlfriend or anything?” You asked and couldn’t help but smile.

“No. My roster is empty. And I wish I could blame that on the Spiderman stuff but I can’t. I’ve never been lucky in that department.”

“I don’t understand that. You’re so…” You trailed off when you realized you were about to say too much. Peter looked at you with a coy smile and raised his eyebrows.

“So?” He asked.

“So annoying.” You insisted. “And ugly, actually.”

Luckily, he understood that you were saying the opposite of what you meant and smiled in appreciation.

“What about you? You must have a boyfriend and 10 guys lined up ready to take his place the second he falters, right?”

“11 guys.” You corrected.

“Damn. I’m sorry. I should’ve known.” He said and held up his hands in defense.

“It’s okay. How could you have known? But, um, no. No boyfriend.” You told him and watched carefully for a reaction.

“So you don’t like anyone at your school?”

“Not at school, no.”

“Oh. So there is someone.” He smirked.

“There may or may not be a boy. But he likes someone else so it doesn’t even matter.” You waved your hand in dismissal.

“Does he know you like him?” Peter asked. Your knees and elbows were touching as you sat together on that bench. You couldn’t help but notice he had gotten closer and closer as you talked.

“No.” You replied as you stared into Peter’s eyes.

“That’s obviously why he likes someone else.” Peter insisted. “I guarantee that if he knew he had a chance with you, he’d forget all about that other girl.”

“I don’t know. Do you really think that?” You asked skeptically.

“Definitely. He’d be crazy not to go for someone so…” He trailed off to give you a taste of your own medicine.

“So?” You shook his arm to urge him to continue.

“Ugly.” He replied. “Really, really ugly. Not pretty at all. Definitely not funny or charming. And a stinky rat. And ugly, if I didn’t mention that before. Ghoul like, even.”

“Thank you.” You smiled warmly, knowing he meant the opposite of what he was saying.

“You’re very welcome.” He smiled back. “So when are we doing this again?”

You did it again the next night, this time at a food truck you liked, and then a few days after that. That’s when Peter started giving you his weekends. You started hanging out more and more and grew to be close friends in just a short time. You lived at home during the week and could look forward to Peter’s almost nightly visits while he was on parol just to sit in your window and talk to you. He was so so consistent that you started leaving your bedroom door open just for him.

“I’m here. Don’t be naked.” Peter said as he climbed through your window one evening.

“I just got out of the shower. What if I was naked? Then what?” You asked as you rubbed your body cream into your skin.

“Then we’d have a funny story to tell at parties.” He said as he pulled his mask off. You couldn’t help but smile at the way his messy curls stood up on his head.

“Oh yeah? And what’s so funny about me being naked?” You teased him as you squeezed the excess water out of your hair with a towel.

“That’s not the funny part. The funny part would have been when my eyes sprang out from my head on slinkies and made an audible “boing-oing-oing” sound. Right before my head exploded and left a smoking stump on my neck.” Peter told you, making you playfully roll your eyes.

“Oh wow. Very Tom and Jerry of you.” You chuckled.

“A full Tom and Jerry. The only thing missing would be the little blue birds and or angles flying around my head but I didn’t say that one because it’s typically reserved for traumatic head injuries.”

“You’re stupid.” You laughed and shook your head endearingly at him. Peter smiled back at you

“You’re stupid.” He chuckled. “You smell good.”

You really liked being friends with Peter. The more time you spent with Peter, the more you found you could talk to him about anything. He seemed so interested in every little thing you said. You worried your crush suddenly taking an extreme interest in you might be too good to be true, so you were determined to enjoy it while it lasted. And do far, it had lasted two months.

“Hey you two. Are you gonna be hungry…” Tony trailed off when he assessed the situation in front of him. You and Peter turned your heads when you heard Peter’s bedroom door open, giving Tony a full view of the green face masks you had covering your faces. You were sitting on Peter’s bed and applying masks to each others faces so your hands were full of the green goop as well. Tony looked back and forth between the two of you for a minute but eyes kept returning to the giant pink bow headband Peter had on to hold his hair back.

“Oh.” Tony nodded. “Hm. Okay.”

“Hi Mr. Stark.” Peter waved.

“I was gonna ask if you guys were hungry. But now I don’t know how to feel.” Tony said with a blank expression.

“We’re okay. We door dashed some food. Thank you, though.” You replied.

“No problem. Try not to have too much fun, ladies.” Tony snickered and closed the door.

“He doesn’t get us.” Peter rolled his eyes and smeared some of the face mask across your forehead. You smiled at the mention of “us” and stared into his eyes.

“He wishes he was gonna have clarified skin and minimized pores in 45 minutes.” You agreed.

“45 minutes? Oh shit. We should’ve brought snacks.”

“I can go grab some. I need to pee anyway.” You told him and hoped off his bed. You hit up the kitchen after the bathroom and raised the refrigerator for some snacks. When you shut the refrigerator door, Natasha was standing there watching you.

“So. Having another stay at home date with Peter?” She asked and pointed to your face mask.

“It’s not a date.” You rolled your eyes. “We’re just two friends hanging out.”

“Right. And do you share clothes with all of your friends or just the ones you don’t have feelings for?” She asked sarcastically.

“He wasn’t wearing my pants that day, okay?” You sighed. “He just asked me to embroider little molecules into his jeans and then wanted me to sign my name. Which is very normal for two friends to do.”

“So that’s not his sweatshirt you have on now?” Natasha asked and pointed to the Museum of Natural History hoodie you had on.

“It is. But-“

“But. Mm hm, yeah?” She cut you off with sarcastic interest in her voice.

“Yes, but.” You stated. “It’s too small on him now that the bite made him all big and muscly. But his uncle bought it for him and it was too sentimental to throw away so he let me have it.”

“Oh. So he gave you an article of clothing that his dead uncle gave to him? That’s very platonic of him.” Natasha said before cracking a smile.

“I don’t know what you’re implying.” You played dumb.

“I’m implying that you two are dating but pretending you’re not.”

“What?” You forced a laugh. “We are not dating.”

“Yeah, yeah. You’re not fooling anyone with that. Why don’t you just call a spade a spade and make out already?”

“Because it’s not a spade. Your mom’s a spade. We’re just friends.” You insisted and felt glad your face mask was covering up your embarrassed blush.

You went back to Peter’s room with the snacks and pushed Natasha’s comments from your mind. Peter could tell that something was bothering but he didn’t push it.

You spent the next few nights at home but headed back to the tower to spend the weekend. You knew Peter would be arriving later that night so you got ready in your room while you waited. You scrolled on your phone while you did your makeup and came across an article on the body cream you’d been wearing lately. You started to read it but got distracted by the sound of people in the downstairs. You left your room and took the elevator down to see if it was Peter, but found Wanda and Natasha instead.

“Oh, hey. I was just telling Nat I got that cream you told us about. It just smelled so good on you.” Wanda told you.

“Did you? Tell me what you think of it. It works really well but I think I have to stop wearing it. I was just reading online that apparently it attracts….” You trailed off and pulled out your phone to show Wanda the article. You got distracted by a text from Peter telling you that he had arrived. You furrowed your eyebrows and stared at the text as things started to make sense in your head.

“Attracts what?” Wanda asked you. You looked up to answer her but got distracted by Peter walking in.

“Spiders.” You told her as you stared at Peter.

“Hey, Y/n.” Peter greeted with a smile. “Come with me up to the roof. I have something to show you.”

Peter took your hand and started pulling you towards the elevators. You were still lost in thought but regained composure enough to look at the girls while you were being pulled away.

When you got to the roof, the sun was just beginning to sink into the city skyline, making for a peaceful atmosphere. There were some snacks set out and a sheet you recognized from Peter’s room.

“What’s this?” You turned to him to ask. He was already staring at you and watching carefully for a reaction.

“You said you’d been so busy with homework lately that you don’t even realize when it becomes night so I thought we could take a mental break together and watch the sunset.” Peter explained with a sheepish smile. You lit up when you heard his plan and forgot all about the article.

“You planned this for me?”

“I didn’t want you to work yourself to death. You’re gonna do fine on your finals. You’re the smartest person I know. Other than, like, the two super genius’s I know. But you’re definitely up there.” He assured you. You broke into a smile and threw your arms around him to thank him. He stumbled back a little a before wrapping his arms around you and hugging you back.

“Thanks, Peter. This is really sweet.” You said and pulled away just enough to look at him. You stayed with your arms wrapped around each other as the sun began to set around you.

“You’re very welcome.” He said with a fond smile. You stared into his eyes and felt his magnetic force pulling you towards him. Peter’s eyes dropped down to your lips before a rosy blush covered his face. You couldn’t believe what was about to happen was actually happening. He started to lean in and cracked a smile just before your lips could touch.

“God, you smell amazing.” He whispered to you. You snapped out of your trance and took a step back from him.

“Oh my God.” You gasped. “I knew it.”

“Wait, what? Knew what?” Peter forced a laugh and tried not to look as disappointed as he felt that the moment had ended.

“You don’t even like me. You’re just attracted to my delicious smelling body cream!” You shouted and pointed an accusatory finger at him.

“Woah, what? I have been accused of so many things but that is truly a first.” Peter said and held up his hands in defense.

“I bet this whole thing was a set up just so that you could sniff me!” You gasped and pointed his picnic.

“What are you even talking about?” He matched your tone and pulled his hair in exasperation. You put your hand over your heart to catch your breath as you looked between him and his setup. Everything made sense now. Peter started talking to you the moment you opened up that jar of body cream. He only wanted to hang out with you once you started wearing it. And as you stood there on the roof with him and realized it never had anything to do with you, you felt gutted.

“I thought…I thought you liked me.” You said in a quiet voice as your face sank with disappointment. Peter turned red all the way to his ears and laughed in embarrassment.

“I do like you.” He said quietly.

“But not for me.” You shook your head. “For the way I smell.”

“What? That’s crazy?” He laughed is dismissal. You rolled up your sleeves and walked back over to him to hold your arm under his nose.

“You like this.” You told him.

“Damn, that smells good.” Peter whispered as he took in your scent.

“See? It’s my body cream. It attracts spider. Whatever is lingering in your DNA from the bite makes you attracted to this specific scent.” You grumbled as you pushed your sleeves back down.

“Huh. That explains why I got a boner in Sephora the other day.” He realized.

“Why were you in Sephora?”

“I was getting us more face masks. I even used your email so you could get the points.”

“You did?” You asked and cracked a smile. Peter looked at you sympathetically and took a step towards you.

“I had a whole night planned for us. I was gonna bring you up here to watch the sunset. And I brought snacks you like. Even disgusting Salt and Vinegar chips.”

“I love those.”

“I know you do, for some odd reason. And once the sun had set, I was gonna go downstairs with you to do the face makes. I got you a panda because you like them and mine looks like Hello Kitty, see?” Peter said and he pulled the masks out of his bag.

“Very impressive selection.”

“I know. Once we had them on, I was gonna tell you that you’re the only person I don’t feel like I need to wear a mask with. Or you’re the only person who makes me feel the way I do when I’m wearing my mask. In parenthesis, my Spiderman mask. Which implies you make me feel invincible. I don’t know. It was gonan be some mask related metaphor that I was hoping would come to me in the moment.”

“Why did you need a mask related metaphor?”

“So I could ease the tension and segway into telling you that I like you.” He admitted with a timid smile.

“You do?” You asked skeptically. Peter nodded his head and put his hands on your shoulders.

“I wouldn’t do all this for you just because I liked the way you smell. And believe me, I love the way you smell. If I could shrink you down using the Honey I Shrunk the Kids machine and shove you up my nose, I would. But I like a million other things about you too that don’t involve the olfactory bulb.”

“Then how come we only started hanging out once I started using the body cream?”

“Okay, I’ll admit, I got a whiff of the body cream and basically floating in the air down the hallway into your room like a cartoon pig being lead to a pie.” Peter prefaced. “But that was just the first time you wore it. It gave me the confidence to ask you to hang out which is something I’d been wanting to do since we met. And once we started hanging out and I learned all these new things about you, I liked you even more. Which I didn’t know was possible because I was already listening to Lana Del Ray and pretending you wrote the songs about me. When you started smelling divine, that was just the icing on an already big cake. I’m talking Cake Boss level size cake that’s mostly made of Rice Krispies and plastic tubes.”

“So now I’m divine? I thought I was ugly and not funny or charming at all.” You teased him as you stepped even closer.

“You’re right. I still find you very unattractive and don’t want to be your boyfriend and l definitely don’t want to kiss you-“

You cut him off by pulling him by the shirt into a kiss. He stopped talking immediately to kiss you back, putting his hands on your face to pull you closer.

“You smell so fucking good.” He growled and pulling you closer by the waist. You giggled against his lips as you wrapped your arms around his neck.

You and Peter eventually retired to the sheet to watch the rest of the sun set. You laid on his chest and listened to his heart beating while the scent of his cologne filled your nose. You went back downstairs hand in hand once the sky was dark and passed by Wanda in the living room.

“Goodnight, Wanda.” You smiled at her as you and Peter walked by.

“Goodnight.” She replied and waved her fingers. Peter stopped suddenly in his tracks and looked at Wanda.

“Woah.” He smiled. “You smell really good, Wanda. What do you have-“

“Oh, no you don’t.” You cut him off and pulled him by the back of his shirt away from her.

“It’s the cream.” Peter said in defeat. “I’m defenseless to the cream.”

Tag List 🏷️

@thebookwormlife @imanativeofswlondondahling

@tom-hollands-wifey

@whatareyouhidingpeter @takenbyheartstrings

@imyourliquor-youremypoison @andreasworlsboring101

@peterparkoure

@justcallmehitgirl @jackiehollanderr

@emmamarshmellow @unbelievableholland

@sovereignparker @every-marveler-ever @undiadeestos @eridanuswave

@solarxmoonchild @canyouevencauseicant

@quaksonhehe @lovelessdagger

@thesuitelifeofafangirl @marshxx @nooneinvitedfascistbarbie

@maybemona

@alexxcorona113 @lethal-wisdom

@pandaxnienke

@officialsimppage @peterbenjiparker @itsemohours

@freakofmusic25 @tomholland85

@olixerwxxd @leilanixx

@whereismytelephone @so-very-asleep @white-wolf1940

@spideyspeaches @hihiweezing

@mathletemadison

@dhtomholland @insomniac-nerd-posts-things @prancerrparkerr

@hallecarey1 @adayasgeorgia @blackwidowisthebest @imawhoreforu

@ciarahollands

@nellabellaa @pinklxmonade @boogywoogywoogy

#peter parker x reader #peter parker fanfiction #peter parker fanfic #peter parker imagine #peter parker au #peter parker fluff #peter parker x y/n #peter parker x you #tom holland x reader #tom holland x you #tom holland fluff #tom holland fanfiction #tom holland x y/n

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serotonins-stuff · 1 year

Text

3am pregggy cravings

~BNHA

_____________ ❤︎ _______________

♡︎ Bnha boys

♡︎ f!reader

♡︎ Sypnosis: You suddenly get strong pregnancy cravings in the early hours of the morning

♡︎ Includes : Bakugo, Izuku, Todoroki , Aizawa, Hawks

____________ ❤︎ _______________

_____________ ❤︎ _______________

(characters are aged up)

Bakugo

He shuffled in his sleep, while low grumbles and sniffles echoed from downstairs.

He guessed he was having a dream till the cries sounded way too real and familiar. He patted the space next to him, expecting to feel your warmth but it was empty.

He jumped up from his sleeping position in the warm blankets, shirtless and disheveled as he scrambled out of the bedroom in a panic. Concerns flooded his head but he had no time to stand and think.

Were you ok?

Why the hell are you crying?

He strumbled on various things in the dark, causing him to curse lowly but he moved on.

"Y/n!?" He half yelled, still hearing your sobs echoing through the house. The sound guided him to the kitchen downstairs, so he made sure to be cautious moving toward it.

He clutched a broom nearby, in case something bad was happening so he could prepare. Hell- he didn't even know why you were crying in the first place.

The kitchen was pitch black, although the pantry next to it was beaming with light. The alarm didn't go off which means you were safe.

He strolled into the pantry quietly and the sobs grew louder. He was temporarily blinded by the bright light but blinked repeatedly so his eyes could adjust.

And there you were, sitting cross legged on the floor while holding onto your big tummy.

"Shit-Whats wrong?" he rasped and squatted in front of you, holding onto your shoulders and looking over your features just to make sure nothing bad had happened to you.

"You hurt?" he asked and you shook your head no. "Is the baby ok?"

"Yeah" you cried. "The baby's fine"

Your face was tear-stained and your eyes a little puffy. The baby seemed fine, and you also seemed fine physically so what was the problem?

He positioned himself to sit behind you and placed his hands on your stomach from behind, rubbing it soothingly in hopes to calm you down. "Shhh," he cooed onto your nape softly.

Whatever he was doing seemed to work because, you had calmed down.

"This is gonna sound so stupid but-" you began talking "We don't have any of the food I'm craving!" You wailed in his arms.

Your husband's eyes widened at your mini rampage. He honestly didn't know where to start. "Listen I'll go get you some right now ok?"

He understood that your hormones were all over the place at the moment, so you couldn't control your emotions.

"I don't know why I'm crying so much over ice cream" you sobbed quietly "M'sorry Kat"

"Oi don't apologize for that alright?" He consoled you, still drawing soft circles on your enlarged stomach. "You've got our kid in there, and your hormones are all over the place right now"

He helped you up and guided you to the couch, wrapping a blanket around you and switching on the tv while he walked over to the door. " Call me if you need more stuff." he glimpsed back at you while searching for his cap.

He wouldn't want to be recognized by fans this late at night. Luckily there was a 24 hour convince store nearby your home, so he'd be back before you knew it.

He completed his look with a black face mask, not bothering to change out of his oversized tee and sweatpants.

"I'll be back" he stated, but before he left he made sure to glance at you once more to make sure you were ok but your eyes were glued to the tv screen.

He scoffed a smile as he closed the door and locked it. You had the spare key so it wasn't a problem. Off he was to the covience store.

He didn't take long, only about 15 minutes when the sound of his shoes and the opening of the door could be heard.

He headed over to you first thing and pulled out the food you've been craving the whole night.

"Thank you!" You beamed widely as you accepted it, already eager to open it. Katsuki exhaled a chuckle at your cuteness, flopping himself next to you on the couch and pulling out a tub of ice cream.

He brought another spoon for you in case you would want to taste some. You snickered at dramatic shows on the tv enjoying each others company.

Eventually Katsuki could feel the weight of your head on his shoulder. He peeked to the side to find you snoozing peacefully, some ice cream smeared across your lips and soft snores pouring from your nose.

He sneered back the grin that wanted to appear on his face, giving your stomach one last rub before getting you cleaned up and heading to bed.

_____________ ❤︎ _______________

Izuku

"If I can just figure this out" Izuku mumbled from where he sat on the bedroom floor, holding his chin while he stared at the various papers scattered across the carpet.

He knew that you were fast asleep on the bed. You needed the rest as your belly grew each day, nourishing the little bean inside of you.

A shuffle from the bed made him freeze slightly. He didn't want to make any fast movements that would wake you up.

Once you had stopped moving he continued, but as soon as he turned his head away you called out to him.

"Izuku?" You rubbed your eyes "You still up?"

"Um-yeah I just had some work I had to finish" He rubbed the back of his head. feeling a bit guilty if he were the reason you woke up.

"Did I wake you?" He stood up and walked over to your side, leaning down behind you to rub your back.

"No you didn't do anything I just-" you sighed, not wanting to sound silly by telling him that you were craving something at such an early hour.

"Is it the baby?" he asked with slight panic, pulling the blanket down so he could come eye to eye with your stomach.

"Well yes and no"

He raised a brow in confusion.

"This is going to sound stupid but I'm craving some food " you looked at him apologetically.

"Hey" he held your hands and you turned around so your body could face him.

"Nothing you say is stupid" he smiled At you softly. "It's completely normal to feel what you're feeling and I don't blame you because you've got a whole life growing in there" his hands made their way to your stomach.

You smiled at how reassuring he was. This is exactly why you fell in love with him in the first place, he was able to make your troubles vanish just by flashing a smile.

"I'm going to drop some paperwork off at the agency anyway, so I'll get you some by the store alright?"

You nodded.

"Alright then, I'll be back soon" he placed a kiss to your cheek. "Do you need anything else?"

"I need you to eat it with me when you get back". You glanced at his tired features, he was working hard to make his agency successful but it was taking a toll on him.

He's more stressed than usual, and you only see him for a few hours a day because of his messed up sleep schedule. He promised that it would only be for this week, but it's only been 3 days yet you've been missing him like crazy.

He misses you too. He calls you everyday from work and sends a caretaker to look after you and the growing baby in your tummy while he's not around.

"Okay I promise"

_____________ ❤︎ _______________

Shoto

He could feel you shuffling uncomfortably beside him. He was half asleep but woke up to check if you were ok.

"Love are you alright?" he rasped sleepily, wrapping his arms around you and rubbing your belly. His hot breath tickling your neck as he spoke

"Yes I'm fine Shoto" you stretched your legs.

"Are you craving something?" He asked and you looked at him in bewilderment.

"H-how did you know that?"

"You were staring at pictures at it all day, so I figured you'd crave it at some point" he rubbed his eyes and yawned "You also mumbled it while you were sleeping"

You squealed in embarrassment, covering your face with the blankets. Could you have spoken about food while you were sleeping? You could barely even remember what you were dreaming about.

This only made Shoto laugh lightly, you had such a cute reaction and he just couldn't help it.

"I can order us some right now if you'd like?" You heard him shuffle towards the nightstand, and the light from his phone blinded you temporarily.

"What store is open at a time like this Shoto?"

"There's a twenty-four-hour convenient store nearby that delivers," he said nonchalantly, tapping away at his phone "Looks like they have more than enough"

He proceeded to buy so much of the item that it was out of stock. You scolded him for that but he didn't have much of a reaction

Eventually the items you were craving arrived and you sat onthe bed together, devouring them.

"You are so amazing" you groaned in delight, taking another delicious bite.

"Anything for you," he said with a half-full mouth, also enjoying the delicacy.

_____________ ❤︎ _______________

Aizawa

"Shota" you whined, shaking the sleeping man next to you.

"Hm?" he answered almost immediately, meaning that he was probably awake for the whole time this early hour. You knew his insomnia bothered him, but he refused to take pills or anything like that because of the side effects they gave him the next day.

"Trouble sleeping?" He inquired cuddling up to you.

"Yeah I'm having really strong cravings right now" you sighed into his chest. "Insomnia keeping you up again?"

He hummed an agreement at your question, It was a bit difficult to cuddle with the little human between the two of you, but you were excited that soon you could meet your cute little chunk. Who hopefully won't cry throughout the night and keep you awake. You heard a conspiracy theory once that children could inherit that from their parents.

"Did you cry a lot as a baby?" You asked suddenly, playing with his hands that lay on your stomach.

"Never let my parents sleep a wink" he huffed, recalling the stories his mom would tell him. "My mom often called me the pub crawler"

You snickered loudly at that name "Pub crawler....seriously?"

You went silent and he knew you were up to no good "Don't even think about calling me that" he cut your thoughts off.

"You're no fun Shota"

"How would I take you seriously if you called me a pub crawler?" He deadpanned.

"I think it suits you considering you're up at this hour"

"Then I'm calling you a incubator"

Now it was your turn to deadpan. "On second thought I think Shota suits you better"

Shuffles could be heard from him when he slowly arose from your intertwined position on the bed. You pouted your lips at the sudden emptiness next to you.

"Maybe I could get some sleep if I get some fresh air outside" he rasped slowly, stretching as he put on his shoes "I'll go get your cravings from the store nearby"

"Let me go with you" you also sat up from your position but he halted you, placing the blankets nice and snug around your body while a chuckle of amusement left his lips.

"I appreciate the enthusiasm, but you need to rest"

"Party pooper as always" you rolled your eyes.

"I won't be long" he stepped out of the room, stopping in the middle of the doorway to wait for your reply.

"I'll see you then pub crawler" you smirked sheepishly before he breathed a chuckle and swiftly closed the door.

_____________ ❤︎ _______________

Hawks

He had never panicked so much in his life.

He didn't even have time to think when he jumped out of bed shirtless with pajama shorts. Your soft sobs echoing in the living room downstairs. Luckily his feathers sensed your discomfort and that's what woke him up.

He jumped down the staircase gracefully, his wings making it possible for him to land softly.

His eyes caught your figure, sitting on the couch while the tv playing in the background. He walked up to you slowly, calling your name to not scare you by suddenly appearing.

"Keigo?" You sniffled and the couch dipped slightly next to you from his sudden weight. He hooked his arm under your legs from where he sat beside you, his other arm gently making its way to your back. You couldn't feel a thing when he lifted you into his arms. Cradling you on the couch as he also tried to figure out what was going on.

He smiled softly, sensing that it was just your hormones making you feel this way. "Is nugget keeping you awake?"

You nodded your head pointing to the tv. At first, he didn't understand what you were implying till he saw delicious food being made and eaten on the screen.

"Ah I have just the trick" he yanked out his phone, typing for a while before placing it down. "It should be here in about 20 minutes Peach"

He was expecting to see you smile and thank him for being the greatest lifesaver ever but was surprised to see tears still spilling out of your eyes as you looked away.

"C'mon talk to me" he clasped your chin so you could look at him.

The truth was that you felt bad for waking him up at such an early hour just for some food. You know very well that he has work tomorrow and he has to be up early.

"Keigo, I feel bad" you whimpered. For some reason, having a baby was making you cry at every single inconvenience. "I know you must be really tired from work and I'm over here ruining your sleep schedule for cravings"

"You have nothing to be worried about, you're waaayyy more important than work," he said making sure to exaggerate the way. "And if anything you're doing me a favor, I haven't been getting much food in because of everything that's been happening lately, so thank you"

He made sure to order some for himself so you could enjoy it together. Spending time with you and nugget makes him feel unstoppable.

"Being with you and nugget gives me extra strength to face the next day." He pecked you on the lips.

"I also think that your cravings might have affected me 'cause now I'm hungry" he deadpanned and giggled slightly.

He would do anything if it were to see that sweet smile all the time.

#anime and manga #my hero headcanons #mha x reader #bnha deku #izuku midoria x reader #katsuki bakugo x reader #bakugo x reader #pro hero hawks #hawks x reader #aizawa x reader #shoto todoroki x reader #mha oneshot #oneshot #my hero acedamia #plus ultra #fypage #mha fluff

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chisatowo · 1 year

Text

Ok nvm having Mizuki Thoughts

#rat rambles #sekai posting #not complex ones but. thoughts #Im ngl Ive been having a hard time rly like. Getting mizuki #which is intentional ofc but its kinda weird to me since they also feel very familiar ig?#like idk just. I feel rly sad when I read their lil emo moments™ in a very similar way to mafuyu #ig like in a very. wow theyre just like me fr #and usually with characters who face very similar struggles to me I like immediately fully click with them but its just not happening?#well not in the same way anyways. I think it is happening just much slower.#I think mizuki just feels almost like. uncomfortable to me in that regard? not in a bad way just means I have some stuff I need to work #through still which is ok I didnt exactly get a lot of space to process that time of my life #idk its just weird having a character I relate too so much that I feel weird relating to. like it makes sense that I do but still #idk. I guess it just feels uncomfortable trying to analyze them since Im indirectly analyzing myself too #like were in no way a one on one comparison I had too much anxiety to rly go as far as they did in some regards but still #all of 25ji just hit rly close to home in some regard or another I can only imagine how Id react to them when I was younger gndkfbd #although tbf my relation to ena and kanade is from much more recent stuff than the other two #Im doing ok now dont worry last year was just a bit rough fjfbdjdbd #if you followed me during my prime vent era no you didnt <3333 #while I think mafuyu's stuff would have been smth Id want younger me to see mizuki's stuff would break 15 yr old me in a bad way lol #anyways I should go to bed before I get anymore personal fmfjdjdh #this isnt like venting btw Im actually feeling pretty ok rn. I think reading more mizuki stuff has been good for me /gen #Ill probably read more tomorrow I rly wanna read as many 25ji events as I can while I still have the motivation to #plus at least I can kinda trust ensekai to not mess them up too bad so I dont have to dig for fan translstions as much #that will Not be the case for l/n wxs and vbs tho. they fucked over kohane and an so bad its not even funny anymore #like me and my sibling joked abt them singing just be friends on en after the confession scene but honestly I wish they had just done that #instead of whatever the fuck that was. at least it would have been funny and explicitely homophobic instead of just borderline #when I say I hate ensekai I am Not joking around <333333 #an-hane rly becoming pare-chu pt 2 but without a beautiful birthday to help this time gkfbdjdj #abyways time to sleeo for realsies now. gn gamers :]

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aethelwyneleigh27 · 6 months

Text

Husband!Simon "Ghost" Riley with a Pregnant!Wife!Reader

Headcanons and Scenarios

Am I back with baby fever? I mean yeah but this is less baby fever and more if Husband!Simon in honor of my first ever post that reached 1k likes in 4 days. Also you guys know Ghostie by now right? @connorsui mentioned that she wonders how Ghost and the reader met, guess who's writing about that?

Edit: SHIT, THIS POST HAS BEEN UP FOR SO LONG AND I FORGOT TO ADD CREDIT, I'M SO SORRY. The render above is by @ave661

Taglist: @puff0o0 @simp4konig @blingblong55 @azereus @rustic-guitar-notes @shadofireshinobi @anonymuslydumb @skeletalgoats @icarustypicalfall @ghosts-cyphera @cutenote @connorsui @capuccino192 @theredurzikdjinn @miss-gms-and-the-rotten-womb

Also @puff0o0, my most favorite moot has helped me come up with how they met, UGH ILYYY <333

My CoD Masterlist <3

Warnings/Disclaimers: Reader is pregnant, sick!Reader, mentions of vomiting (not detailed), pain of birth and all the other pregnancy warnings out there. (Extreme fluff)

❥ Husband!Simon who had no fucking clue how to react when you first told him you got pregnant, I mean he knew at some point it would happen but not this soon?!

❥ Husband!Simon who in your early stages of pregnancy was the one holding your hair up while you empty the contents of your stomach on the toilet most mornings. He was the one who had a warm hand gently rubbing up and down your back while mumbling light encouragements, careful not to agitate you from the sickening feeling.

❥ Husband!Simon who was gradually getting the hang of things, getting clingier the further into the pregnancy. Once the baby bump comes in, bye bye personal space, Dad!Simon needs to have his hand on the bump no less than 10 times a day.

❥ Husband!Simon who is a sucker for kissing the baby bump, especially your stretch marks. He will be more gentle if you ask him to because your ticklish, but don't expect none of his stuble.

❥ Husband!Simon whose breath hitches when you took his large calloused hand onto your baby bump and felt movement, he had to blink twice up at you and look down again. Only now it was two hands holding the bump, waiting for more kicks.

❥ Husband!Simon who lets you do all the shopping with baby stuff because he has no idea what looks cute, every once in a while showing you something he thinks looks good and asks for your approval.

❥ Husband!Simon who looks back up at you in concern as he hears you whimper, as much as he wants more movement and feel the little one kick, you were in pain and uncomfortable. Some soothing words might help..?

You let out a soft whimper as you felt the baby kick again, god did she have her father's strength..

Simon still had his warm and heavy hand on the bump, feeling the little one's movement.

"Pumpkin.. give your momma a rest, she needs some sleep" Simon sleepily mutters. Just like that the movement stops.

"I swear she only ever listens to your voice, it's obvious that she's already a daddy's girl"

❥ Husband!Simon who is more than obsessed with the baby bump, albeit his ear over the bump to hear the baby, big calloused hands always have to be some place on it. You'll just find your husband clinging onto your bump, his head on your chest while his arms are wrapped around the loves of his life.

❥ Husband!Simon who was far more panicked than you were during the birth, he literally cannot even pay attention to the pain of your hand almost breaking his from the gripping because his heart is pounding in his chest while you push out the baby.

❥ Husband!Dad!Simon who was trembling the moment you forced him to open up his arms so he could hold the baby. She's so tiny, her whole body almost fits in just one of his hands. The moment he held her, she stopped wailing, trying so hard to open her little eyes.

❥ Husband!Dad!Simon couldn't help but pull you up into his arms too because you couldn't move up from exhaustion. Your hand on the little one's body that was cradled by her dad, his other arm wrapped around your shoulders while he kissed your sweaty forehead, singing praises to you about how thankful he is that you brought life to your little girl together.

A/n: Hi guys, just to start off. I haven't been in a good space for a while now, I don't think I'm in the right headspace either. Not to say I'm taking a break, fuck no, I'd lose all my relevance if I did and I also think that taking a break from this won't be good for me or you guys because I don't want history to repeat itself.

If you guys don't know yet, I've been on the break in 2020 and didn't officially start writing again till 2023, finally entering a different fandom. I feel like taking a break would result into this whole thing again and I can't go through that all over again. I love writing so much and it hurt when I lost all my relevance on Wattpad.

My personal life outside of Tumblr is weird to explain, see things haven't been good regarding my situation with a friend. Neither do I feel good in school, everything in that place just sucks except for two other closer friends. There's still the dreadful 3 weeks left till Christmas vacation. Not only that but I get anxiety over so many things that may be little to most of you.

A mutual of mine so graciously has given me ideas for the next Ghostie posts, I love them, it's accurate and it's great and all however some part of me makes me feel so insignificant. Like why didn't I think of that? Why am I even writing if I'm just relying on other people's ideas? This is no shade to that mutual, thank you so much, hell I loved everything they told me. It's just always my anxiety and insecurities getting the better of me.

Apologies for the length of this. I'm quite busy and my clumsy fingers accidentally published something again 😭Anyway, more Ghostie content is on it's way :))

#cod x reader #aethelwyne lia writes #ghost x reader #simon riley x reader #cod headcanons #simon ghost riley x reader #ghost x you #simon ghost x reader #simon ghost riley #simon riley x you #simon ghost riley x you #simon ghost x you #ghost x plus size reader #ghost x female reader #ghost x y/n #dad!ghost #dad!simon

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freyito · 9 days

Text

ɢɪʀʟᴅᴀᴅ ʙᴏᴏᴛʜɪʟʟ

✩ inspo: RECENT BOOTHILL LEAKS

★ summary: booty as a girldad...

✧ a/n: THIS CONTAINS SPOILERS TO BOOTHILL'S STORY!!!!! THESE ARE BASED OFF OF BOOTHILL LEAKS!!!!!!!!!!! HEAVY HEAVY SPOILERS!!!!! HEAVY SPOILERS!!!!

also i dont normally write stuff like this but oh my fucking god HE HAD A DAUGHTER. here's the fluff i promised after blue veins i guess. dont get too comfortable with it ;)

✦ like my work? feel free to send a request !

🗒 cw: gn reader, written before boothill release/2.2, BOOTHILL LEAKS, he's a good father. sorta, not proofread

✎ wc: 932

Boothill’s censorship comes in handy with the new addition to the family. Granted, he’s really good with watching himself around kids, regardless. He’s really good with kids, he becomes a softer person around them, even softer than he is with you. He’ll let them hang off his arms and draw things on his body, pick them up, and do that thing where he’ll throw them up in the air, spin them around, anything he can to play with the kids.

He starts to come back from missions faster, and spends more time with you and your daughter. He goes from ‘Trouble waits for no one!’ to ‘Trouble can wait a couple more days…’. He makes any little excuse to see her, and by Aeons, if you need a break, he’s more than happy to step in.

He is a total fashionista, too. He loooooooves dressing his daughter up in cute little dresses and overalls, braiding her hair and tying it up in bows. He’ll also let her play with his hair, no matter how frazzled he comes out. He’s content being her model, allowing her to put makeup on him as well. Sure, he’ll look silly, the brightest light blue eyeshadow caked on his eyelids, baby pink cheeks and deep red lipstick, but he feels pretty.

Of course, Boothill still can’t stay around as much as he’d like, he doesn’t want to risk the IPC finding him. He doesn’t want to risk the IPC finding her, specifically. He is too afraid of reliving the same scene, he often dreams of it, and there are times where he cannot tell the difference between his little girl and what was.

That means he’s protective. Even a little scrape and he’s worried, but he tries his best not to suffocate her. He’s worried, yes, but he gives himself space, for his sake and hers. He knows nothing good can come from an overbearing parent.

When she first started to walk he damn near cried, it was the first time you’ve seen him so soft and sappy. Yes, it was an ugly cry. He told everyone he knew that she WALKED! She walked to him! And he almost cries every time.

He’s also managed to keep the guitar he had made for his daughter, and he gifts it to your guys’ daughter. Not because he hopes that she will grow up to be what was, but because he believes it’s a nice memento. Somewhere out there, she’s watching you two build a family together, and she’s watching your little girl dance and play and giggle and even strum that guitar. And she’s happy.

Speaking of, he loves teaching his daughter guitar. Having her sit in his lap while he just strums, or showing her where to put her tiny fingers for certain notes. She’s not quite able to get it, but she laughs all the same, and that couldn’t make him happier.

Keeps every little drawing she makes up on the fridge. You’re starting to run out of space for magnets. Even if he’s not there, he wants her to know she’s an ARTIST. In every sense of the word. From preschool finger painting to elementary school drawings and so forth. Also keeps some folded up drawings in his wallet. His favorite is a stereotypical children’s drawing of you, him, and the house. Except he’s riding a pretty damn cool metal horse, (she named it ‘verminantor’, because she said it was cool. not ‘terminator’, no. ‘verminator’. make sure you get it right. Yes, Boothill named one of his bikes that) shooting his guns towards the sky. A pretty accurate depiction, you have to say.

He’s also really competitive for her. If she’s in any sports, he’s the dad screaming at the top of his lungs to ‘GO GET EM!!!!’ or ‘WIIIIIN!!!!!!’. He’ll get into verbal scuffles with other parents when they ask him to be quieter, because his baby deserves the best, and if the best is the loudest, then that’s what he’ll be.

Boothill is also an amazing storyteller, he can prattle on and on about whichever star system he’s been in for hours, it’s really handy when sending your daughter to sleep. Other kids really like his stories as well, he does his best to keep away from the violent parts (about 70% of his stories), and focus on how beautiful the planet was, or something like that. Most of the time he’ll pepper in stuff about a prince or a dragon or knights (which turned out to be true) to keep it entertaining, but pg for the kids.

He also spoils his daughter ROTTEN. He’ll come back from his little ‘sidequest’ with a bunch of gifts for both of you. He’s got all sorts of stuffed animals for his daughter, shirts, rocks, literally anything he could find that reminded him of her. Anything he could find that he knew she’d like.

He raises a rough n rowdy kid, essentially. The kind of father to let her roll around in the mud ‘cause she’s just havin’ fun’, who brings bugs home just for fun and names them all sorts of cowboy-esc names, (her favorite being Buck Bucksley– ‘it sounds like pa’s favorite word!’ she says, and you shoot him an angry glare. He looks away and shrugs it off, with a ‘I didn’t do nothin’.’) who’s favorite activity is looking for worms in the dirt, a kid who gets up quickly and dusts herself off when she scrapes her knees. And Boothill’s damn proud of her, absolutely gleaming with joy at any little accomplishment.

#⁺◟freyito #boothill leaks #hsr x reader #honkai star rail x reader #boothill x reader #boothill hsr x reader

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joedirtymadre · 1 month

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How bout an angst and fluffy Luffy x reader? Like, he's trying his best to be a good boyfriend but he doesn't know exactly how do it. So he gets insecure and afraid of reader leaving him

The Painting

LUFFY X READER! ANGST + FLUFF! (STILL ACCEPTING REQUESTS! SEND EM RN! 😤😤)

You were peacefully working on a new painting. You had a strong passion for art, but recently you have decided to pick up painting again. Plus, today is a slow day on the ship, so why not? You hummed to yourself, as you continued to add the finishing touches to your work. “Wow, you really outdid yourself this time,” you smiled to yourself as you took a moment to look at your canvas. It was a portrait of the whole crew, you wanted to surprise everyone at dinner with it. You spent the last few weeks on it too, so I’m sure that they’ve been waiting for the reveal.

You then heard your door open and saw Luffy. “Hey Luffy,” you smiled. “Hi (Y/N)! Hey can I hide here? I’m playing hide and seek with Usopp and Chopper,” he explained as he ran over and gave you a quick peck on the cheek. “Sure, but please don’t tip over my supplies. Last time you made a mess I spent 2 weeks cleaning it up,” you sighed. “I promise!” He said as he quickly jumped into your supply closet.

You continued your artwork, until you were disrupted again. You heard a small knock on the door and soon Chopper opened the door. “Hi Chopper, what brings you here?” You asked. “Hi (Y/N)! Have you seen Luffy?” He asked. “Hmmm… I haven’t sorry,” you smiled. “Hmmm… well can I look around your office? Just in case,” he said. “Go ahead,” you said as you continued painting.

Chopper checked under the table, in your art boxes, and was now heading to your closet. You lightly giggled as you knew your boyfriend was about to get caught. Chopper quickly opened the closet door, and out jumped Luffy. He began running around the small office, “Hey Luffy, this isn’t tag!” Chopper shouted as he chased him. “Now it is!” He yelled, as they circled around you. “Luffy be care-“ you were cut off by Luffy running into you. You fell straight into your paint, easel, and most importantly your painting.

The two boys quickly stopped and stared as you slowly picked yourself up and stared at the destroyed painting. Smudged and ripped, even your easel broke. “(Y-Y/N) I-“ you ran out before you could hear another word from your stupid boyfriend.

Luffy’s POV

I watched as (Y/N) ran off, I tried to chase after her but Chopper blocked me. “Wait! I think she should be alone right now Luffy, she might say something she doesn’t mean because of how she’s feeling. So, just give her some space,” he explained. “But I have to tell her I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to. I just wanted to play,” I explained. “I know, but we messed up. Really bad, and she needs time to herself right now,” Chopper said. I grabbed my head in frustration.

I looked over to the destroyed painting and realized it was a painting of all of us. “This is what she’s been working on for weeks,” I said softly. “Oh no, and we ruined it!” Chopper cried. “No, I ruined it. I always ruin things for her,” I said as I picked up the painting. “That’s not true, she loves you Luffy,” Chopper said. I shook my head, “She deals with me, I keep doing dumb things and it always ends with me hurting her or breaking her stuff,” I sighed as I placed the canvas on her table.

“It’s ok Luffy, if she didn’t love you she wouldn’t be with you. Right?” Chopper asked. “I guess,” I said. “I’m gonna go check on her,” Chopper said before running out of the room. I sat on her stool and stared at the mess I made. “Why do I keep messing things up? Maybe… I should leave her alone, then she wouldn’t have to deal with me. She could tell me to leave her alone if we weren’t dating, like Nami,” I said to myself.

I dragged myself to the deck and straight to my spot, to try and think. “Hey Luffy,” Nami said as she sat on her beach chair. “Hey…” I said softly as I continued to drag myself. “What’s wrong? Did (Y/N) kick you out of her art room?” She laughed. “No,” I moped. “Woah, then what’s wrong? Here come take a seat,” she said as she pointed to the other beach chair.

I told her the whole story and ended up with 4 bumps on my head. “You idiot! How could you do that to her?” Nami frowned. “I know… Nami… has she ever talked about how much I mess up around her?” I asked. “(Y/N)? No, not really. She just tells me how fun and cute you are,” she explained. “Really? Even that time I broke her clay pot?” I asked. “Oh man, she was so mad that day, but no… Now that I think about it she didn’t talk bad about you,” Nami said. “What about the time I accidentally squeezed her paint tube too hard and it got all over her face?” I asked. “Nope, nothing,” she said. “Or when I dropped-“ I was cut off.

“Ok I get it, you’ve done a lot of bad things. But she’s never talked bad about you, I think she knows that mistakes happen… especially around you,” Nami pointed out. “But I really messed up this time, what if she wants to break up. She should break up with me… I keep making her mad or sad,” I sighed as I fell back into the chair. “Or… you could make it up to her. Come on captain, you’ve fought warlords and admirals. I’m sure you can fix this problem and make your girlfriend a little less mad at you,” she said. “You’re right! I can try and fix it!” I said excitedly. “But I’m gonna need help,” I said, determined.

Your POV

You’ve been in bed for the last 6 hours. Chopper and Nami checked up on you, but you had no strength to get up. You just need some time to calm down. Suddenly a knock on your door, you didn’t respond, hoping the person on the other side would think you’re asleep. However, the door slowly opened. You saw your idiot captain peek inside, “(Y/N)?” He called out.

“Go away Luffy, I don’t feel good right now,” you said as you turned around, showing your back to him. “I just wanted to say I’m sorry, really sorry… I know you’re really mad at me, but I wanted to make it up to you,” he said as he stepped close. “How?” You asked. “Can I show you?” He asked, placing a hand on your shoulder. You slowly turned around, seeing a distressed look on your usually careless boyfriend. “Sure,” you said calmly before getting up.

“But I need you to wear this,” he said, handing you a blindfold. You stared at it with one eyebrow raised. “Please?” He asked. You nodded and quickly put it over your eyes, you then felt a warm hand grab yours. “Alright hold on,” you heard, before being picked up in bridal style. “L-Luffy?” You asked, feeling your face heat up. “Well, I don’t want you to trip while being blindfolded, so I’ll just carry you,” he explained.

You then laid in his arms as he carried you to wherever it was that he wanted to show you. “Alright, I’m gonna put you down now,” he said softly before helping you down onto your feet. “Alright now on 3, take off your blindfold,” he said as he stepped away from you. “Ok,” you said.

“1,2,3,” he said, and you quickly took off the blindfold. You gasped at the scene in front of you. It was your art room, clean and way more organized than it was before. Also, your easel was fixed with a bunch of more upgrades to it, and finally your eyes fell to the painting on the easel. “My painting!” You said excitedly. You smiled as you saw the rough strokes and the taped backing. It wasn’t perfect, but it was way better than how it looked earlier.

“Did you do all of this?” You turned to ask Luffy. “I had some help, but I wanted to fix what I messed up earlier,” he explained. You ran over and gave him a kiss, “Thank you Luffy! I’m so happy,” you smiled and hugged him. “You’re not still mad?” He asked nervously. “Mad?” You asked, confused. “Well… I always mess up your crafts or art projects, I know how upset it makes you,” he said as he stared at the floor. “Well I do get a bit upset, but I know you don’t mean it. I just give myself some time alone so I don’t say anything that I might regret later,” you explained. “Wow, Chopper was right,” he said.

“But I’m really sorry I messed up your painting, I know how hard you worked on it,” he said, before pulling you into a hug. “It’s ok, I forgive you. Just next time, no more games in my art room, ok?” You asked. “Deal,” he smiled. “Oh, I made you something,” he said, pulling away. “Huh?” You asked. He grabbed a small canvas from the table and turned to show you.

You pouted when you realized it was a portrait of you and him. “I know it’s not that good, but-“ you interrupted him. “It’s perfect! I’ll hang it up right now!” You said as you pulled him into a hug. “Really?” He said excitedly. “Yeah, and we should paint together sometime, you’re a natural,” you smiled, before giving him a kiss on the cheek. “You think so? I did have fun doing this,” he grinned. “Mhmm!” You nodded and you both went to hang his masterpiece on your wall.

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just-aake · 5 months

Text

Your Special Day

Pairing: Natasha Romanoff x fem!reader

Summary: You celebrate Natasha’s special day with small surprises for her.

Warnings: fluff

Words: 1160

The alarm on the phone rings, waking the red-haired agent from her slumber. After turning off the shrill sound, her hand automatically reaches over toward the other side of the bed, only to sit up in confusion when she finds an empty space.

The area still retains some of your warmth, so you couldn't have left too long ago. After getting dressed, Natasha comes out of your shared room and is immediately greeted by a sweet smell seemingly from the kitchen.

Making her way to the area, Natasha finds the source of the smell—a small spread of breakfast laid out on the table. A ding from the coffee maker signals its completion, and Natasha is pleasantly surprised when she recognizes the scent of the finished drink.

Someone, probably Stark, had used the last batch of her favorite brand of coffee, and she hadn’t had the time to pick up any more, so for the past weeks, she just settled for drinking one of the other basic coffees available.

Judging from the still-warm breakfast and the timing of the completed coffee, Natasha could tell that this meal was planned precisely for when she would usually have woken up.

The only thing missing was the person who was behind this meticulous planning.

After calling your name and not seeing any signs of you anywhere, Natasha spots a piece of paper under the plate with your familiar handwriting.

Got called in for a meeting with Fury. Nothing serious. Take your time and enjoy your breakfast! Love you, Y/n

Natasha's lips quirked up into a soft smile at your words. Looking back at the homemade breakfast you made especially for her, her heart warms at your gesture. Tucking the note safely away in her pocket, Natasha decides to listen to your words and enjoy the meal you prepared for her.

~~~~~~~ ⧗ ~~~~~~~

After finishing her breakfast and arriving at the S.H.I.E.L.D. headquarters, Natasha walks through the halls toward her workspace, intending to work on the piles of mission reports that she needs to complete by the end of today. It's not a difficult task, just tedious with the amount of paperwork required to fill out.

Maria appears from the corner heading in the opposite direction of Natasha. When she glances up from her tablet and notices the agent, she stops and greets her.

“Afternoon, Romanoff. I got those reports of yours. Thanks for finishing them so quickly,” Maria tells her appreciatively.

Natasha gives her a confused look, wondering if she is referring to the reports that she was just on her way to complete.

“My reports?” Natasha questions.

“Yeah, L/n gave them to me this morning,” Maria explains.

Natasha’s eyes widen slightly in surprise at the revelation.

Not noticing her expression, Maria continues swiping through her tablet while humming in thought.

“Looks like there’s not much else that needs to be done right now,” she looks back at Natasha with an impressed look. “I guess that means you can take it easy today. Enjoy your day off, Romanoff.”

“Thanks,” Natasha replies distractedly as Maria leaves.

She stands there in wonder, touched by what you’ve done for her today. Natasha contemplates what she should do now that she no longer has any work to complete.

You haven’t seen or replied to her text messages yet, which probably means you are still in your meeting with Fury.

A familiar voice pulls Natasha’s attention from her phone as she looks at the person speaking to her.

“So, do you just stand there all day, or do you actually do hero stuff in this place?” Yelena asks casually as she taps the walls of the headquarters, nodding her head at the durability.

“Yelena, what are you doing here?” Natasha asks curiously at yet another nice surprise that she has received today.

She hasn’t seen her little sister in person for a couple of months now, ever since Yelena decided to explore the world, leading her team of Widows in helping where they can.

Yelena shrugs nonchalantly, replying, “Considering what day it is, I figure I could take some time out of my schedule to spend with my sister and ‘catch up’ about what’s happening in our lives.”

Yelena raises her hands in air quotes around the words, as if repeating the phrase from someone else.

Natasha raises a disbelieving brow at her, knowing that there’s more to the situation.

At her expression, Yelena rolls her eyes and mutters under her breath.

“Plus, your girlfriend was kind of scary when she called me,” she admits, shuddering at the memory.

Natasha grins amusedly at the information, figuring that you had a part in this surprise also. She gestures with her head at Yelena to follow her.

“Come on, I’ll show you around, and you can tell me about the hero stuff you’ve done,” Natasha tells her with a small smirk.

Yelena shoots a similar expression back at her sister and follows after her, excited to recount her adventures and spend some time together again.

~~~~~~~ ⧗ ~~~~~~~

After saying goodbye to Yelena, Natasha comes back to the Avengers compound to find a delicious scent emanating from the kitchen again.

This time, however, when she makes her way to the area, she is glad to see your familiar figure standing in the room.

You look up at her entrance, your smile widening when you see that it is her.

“Welcome back,” you greet her. “Did you have a good day?”

“Yeah, it was almost perfect,” Natasha replies casually as she moves around the counter to be closer to you.

Your brows furrow as you discreetly pull out your phone to glance at the list of things you had planned for today, wondering what you might have missed – homemade breakfast, favorite coffee, completed reports, no additional work, Yelena, and now dinner.

These were all just simple gestures that you thought of doing for her today. You know Natasha doesn’t like to make a big deal about this day in particular, but you still wanted to at least make it a little more special for her than usual.

You scan your list again, wondering what it is that you must have forgotten.

Suddenly, Natasha’s hand covers your screen as she pushes your phone away, and she raises her eyebrows pointedly at you.

“It’s you, Y/n,” Natasha explains amusedly. “Being with you makes today perfect.”

Your mouth opens slightly in surprise at her words, wondering how you forgot something so simple.

Looking at your expression fondly, Natasha places her hands on your waist and pulls you close to her, leaning in to press a soft kiss on your lips.

Pulling back slightly, she rests her head against yours as she looks into your eyes filled with love.

“Thank you...for everything,” she tells you sincerely.

You give her a soft smile, wrapping your arms around her neck and pulling her in close again as you whisper against her lips.

“Happy Birthday, Natasha.”

~~~~~~~ ⧗ ~~~~~~~

a/n: thank you for reading!

#natasha romanoff x reader #natasha romanoff imagine #natasha romanoff x fem!reader #natasha romanoff fanfic #natasha romanoff x you #black widow x reader #natasha x reader #natasha romanoff

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caligvlasaqvarivm · 1 month

Text

Love is Stored in the Cat: A Nepeta Leijon Character Study

I guess these are a series now! I also have a request for Feferi in my inbox that I'll get around to eventually.

SO! Dear, sweet Nepeta.

Nepeta is the troll that is most against the existence of the hemocaste.

I believe the Ultimate Self speech was originally going to be from her, not Davepetasprite^2.

She's bad at shipping.

These all make her extremely impurrtant!!!

So furst of all, I'm going to start with the same disclaimer as my Eridan essay (go read that first!!! It sets up a lot of ideas that I'm expanding on here), which is that the things Hussie says are going to be lowered in value, because he likes to play coy about plot stuff. I'm also not counting anything but the actual text as canon, and even with in that text, I'm counting everything after GAME OVER as soft canon - a suggestion of what would have been, often truncated for time, often a deliberate middle finger to the shitty fandom.

Okay, so with that squared away!

Nepeta Says Fuck The Hemocaste

I'm not going to bother doing a deep dive on Nepeta's characterization, because fur the most part, I think the fandom more or less gets her right - she wears her heart (h33h33) on her sl33ve, after all! She's a very sweet little catgirl who loves roleplay and shipping, who is also a vicious hunter of wild beasts and lives in a cave. She's very nice and friendly, but has a tough streak and a spine.

She also says fuck the hemocaste, why does that even exist:

CT: D --> Your fraternization with the base classes have 100sened your morals, can't you see this AC: :33 < no! i dont care, they are fun AC: :33 < and i dont know anything about classes or bases or blood color, it doesn't matter! AC: :33 < what does gr33n blood even mean! it doesnt mean anything to me and it shouldnt mean anything to anyone else!

This is a radical stance not outright shared by any of the other trolls. Aradia calls highbloods "hateful sn0bs" that she and Tavros shouldn't have "ever had anything t0 d0 with", the highbloods are, of course, all casteist to varying degrees, and even Karkat seems fairly accepting of the class divide, at one point taunting Vriska that her rejection from the blue team is "ANOTHER INFURIATING VICTORY FOR GUTTER BLOOD OVER ARISTOCRACY". Not to mention his long-held dream of becoming a threshecutioner.

Even Feferi, despite saying to Eridan that "W-E AR-E NOT B-ETT-ER T)(AN ANYBODY!!!!!", is actually perfectly comfortable with the caste system's existence, comparing having to stop using her royal typing quirk to "peasant-IFICATING" herself - and let's not forget that a Beforus under her rule had its caste system 100% intact.

This means that Nepeta is the ONLY troll who has said, in no uncertain terms, that the caste system should not exist. It's stupid, it's bad, and it doesn't meowtter!

AND SHE'S RIGHT.

But she's never able to fully express this opinion, which brings us to:

A COMPLICKATED RELATIONSHIP WITH EQUIUS

Now, before I say anything, I must insist that I do believe these two work as good moirails. That does not, however, stop them from being 13, and therefore, being poor to each other the way 13-year-olds sometimes are. I don't think they should break up; I think they should re-examine certain dynamics, and I think they need some space to breathe apart from each other.

Equius has a lot of problems, which I won't get into overmuch here, because... that's a whole essay on its own (are you people seeing a trend yet). But with regards to Nepeta specifically, he's extremely controlling and protective, to the point where she's a little scared of him before the game begins:

AC: :33 < well it does sound like it will be a lot of fun but i think i should get purrmission first GC: BL4R!!!!! GC: TH4TS SO STUP1D GC: H3S NOT TH3 BOSS OF YOU AC: :33 < i know! AC: :33 < but still im kind of scared of him and i think purrhaps its best to just run it by him first so there isnt a kerfuffle about it or anything

She's also afraid to tell him about her crush on Karkat, since she knows he doesn't like Karkat:

AC: :33 < well AC: :33 < i have never told anybody this not even my moirail AC: :33 < heh, actually hes the LAST guy i might tell, he so wouldnt appurrve X33 AC: :33 < but yes i have liked somebody for quite some time, but alas he doesnt know it

By the time they end their game, she's gotten over this fear, seeing as she spends many hours curled up with Equius in a pile of robotics parts, but it still must be noted that they have some issues in their relationship that were never resolved, primarily on Equius's end. What this means for Nepeta, however, is that in addition to setting her up as the most outright anti-classism troll, the comic sets her up to be socially isolated due to her moirail's paranoia about letting her associate with both lowbloods (seeing them as bad influences) OR other highbloods, seeing them as dangerous.

He's not entirely wrong - his refusal to allow her to participate in FLARP kept her from winding up entangled in the horrible chain of revenge, as Tavros alludes:

AT: iT'S PROBABLY FOR THE BEST, AT: tHAT YOU LISTEN TO HIM, AC: :33 < i dont know AC: :33 < you think so? AT: wELL, AT: iF YOU DIDN'T LISTEN TO HIM BEFORE, AT: yOU MIGHT HAVE PLAYED GAMES WITH US BEFORE, AT: aND SOMETHING BAD MIGHT HAVE HAPPENED TO YOU, AC: :33 < hmm purrhaps

But he's still wrong. And it's probably an uncontrolled manifestation of his Heir of Void abilities - he's both consciously and unconsciously hiding her from other people.

This isn't to say she doesn't stand up for herself! Many of her discussions with Equius are pseudo-arguments, and she does get her way often enough, managing to get him to roleplay with her, and managing to get him back in the roboti% pile to talk about his feelings about Aradia. She also talks to the humans explicitly against Equius's orders, although she's keeping it a sneakret from him:

NEPETA: :33 < but equius already furbid me from doing that :(( NEPETA: :33 < not that i am listening to him, but shhhhh! :33 KARKAT: WAIT, HE DID? KARKAT: OK, THEN AS YOUR LEADER I ORDER YOU TO RP WITH THEM AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE. BE AS OBNOXIOUS ABOUT IT AS YOU CAN. NEPETA: :33 < yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!

But the fact that she has to tiptoe around him like this speaks to them having issues in their relationship that go unexamined and unresolved, especially since it's clear that Nepeta really would like to be friends with more people, were Equius not getting in her way. So, even though I do think they are good moirails for each other - they clearly genuinely, deeply care about one another. But they could use some relationship counselling.

In fact, Jasprosesprite^2 outright calls her lonely:

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Or the girl who likes ships! Cause they made her less lonely. ;3

So, she's anti-hemocaste and lonely, two character traits that were set up and never resolved. And beclaws this is Nepeta, in her honor, I'm going to talk about a third:

Her Unrequited Crush On Karcat

She has the BIGGEST flushed crush on Karkat. It's seen on her shipping wall twice, once with the word OTP on it.

And, despite never discussing it with her moirail, Nepeta mentions it once to Jaspersprite, and once to Jasprosesprite^2.

Now, I'm not really here to debate on the validity of KatNep - I think it's fine, even if I don't personally ship it, and don't personally think it would work out (there are lots of indications that they wouldn't work out, including Jasprosesprite^2 outright saying so). However, her crush on Karkat is both complicated and creates some interesting setups for her character. I am going to discuss it fairly critically either way, so KatNep shippers have been warned.

A lot of her feelings about Karkat - and about shipping in general - wind up being heavily interlinked with her status as a Hero of Heart, so I'm going to expand on it more there. But what I will note in this section is the fact that, despite Nepeta insisting twice that she doesn't think Karkat knows about her crush on her:

NEPETASPRITE: :33 < it was karkat NEPETASPRITE: :33 < but i never told him and im pretty sure he never found out how i felt!

He tooootally did:

KARKAT: OK, BUT TO BE FAIR, I'M PRETTY SURE SHE'S STILL OBSESSED WITH ME. KARKAT: IT'S A VERY UNFORTUNATE, VERY RED AND VERY UNREQUITED SITUATION I'VE BEEN TRYING TO TIPTOE AROUND FOR A LONG TIME, OK?

Interpret that how you will for shipping purposes, but I want to propose that this is a reflection of their statuses as Heart and Blood players. Heart, despite its players' obsessions with romance, is not the romance aspect, Blood is. Karkat displays this very same romantic acumen when he tells Dave that he's known Terezi and Gamzee were a thing for a long time, despite everyone else on the meteor trying to keep it a secret from him. Heart is, instead, about identity, feelings, motivations, souls, and self. In other words:

Nepeta Is Kind Of Bad At Shipping

Let's take a look at those shipping walls.

Let's break this down a little. Nepeta's ships are not entirely wrong, but even the successful ones are kind of wrong. Here's what I mean. We've already discussed how Equius and Nepeta's moirallegiance has some... issues in it. If we go down her list of ships that actually do happen, most of them have some issues in them!

Aradia expresses her regret for getting together with Equius in the Ministrife. Kanaya and Rose suffer some major relationship problems when Rose starts drinking, to the point Karkat feels a need to step in as an auspice. Karkat and Gamzee fail, as Karkat is not calmed by Gamzee, and Gamzee stops listening to Karkat. And while Sollux and Feferi seem to be fairly healthy, after they both wind up in the Furthest Ring, he's pretty much always next to Aradia - he and Feferi don't even get to exchange words with each other once they're in the Furthest Ring. Purrsonally, I think he and Feferi are meant to end up as moirails, but shhhh.

So what's happening here? Well, this goes back to her identity as a Heart player. Heart is concerned with feelings and motivations.

They simply want to understand the one thing we all are stuck with for our entire lives, i.e. our own minds. Forging an identity is extremely important to the Heart-bound, and every decision and action goes toward building a coherent narrative of their own story. That isn't to say Heart-bound don't care deeply for their friends and allies; they just have a tendency to assume that everyone is as concerned with identity as they are.

Nepeta's shipping has also been associated with her isolation and loneliness. When you put this together, it implies that Nepeta's shipping is about her desire to understand others, and much of her ships are based on one of the parties having feelings, regardless of compatibility, feasibility, or broader implications. After all, despite the fact that she has pretty terrible romantic acumen, she IS able to instinctively identify that Eridan's advances toward her were insincere:

NEPETASPRITE: :33 < well ok i guess eridan hit on me a few times NEPETASPRITE: :33 < but his advances always struck me as cr33py and insincere

And that Karkat secretly LOVES and RESPECTS his friends:

JASPROSESPRITE^2: On the contrary Nepeta. You deserve someone who will RESPECT and ADORE you. NEPETASPRITE: :33 < well... yes NEPETASPRITE: :33 < i always hoped to find someone like that some day NEPETASPRITE: :33 < i dunno maybe youre right but in spite of whatever problems he might have i always felt like i saw something in him that made me think he could be that purrson!

Or knowing that Equius loves to play games, and still feels sad about Aradia exploding:

AC: :33 < i s33 right through your stupid act, who are you trying to kid! AC: :33 < look how you go out of your way to use words that have x's in them so that you can use your silly purrcent signs AC: :33 < or use these absurd words that you can shoehorn a '100' into, even if its not strictly replacing 'loo'!!! AC: :33 < you are so transpurrent AC: :33 < i can tell you like to play games, d33p down you are a guy who likes to play games! AC: :33 < i can smell a guy who likes to play games from so fur away with this nose, you have no idea X33

NEPETA: :33 < she was so happy, just like she used to be, and she said she would s33 you soon! EQUIUS: D --> That's a nice thought, and thank you for sharing it EQUIUS: D --> But it was only a dream, and will surely have no consequence in reality NEPETA: :33 < equius? NEPETA: :33 < are those f33lings i an detecting with my wiggly whiskery nose? EQUIUS: D --> Maybe

Because feelings, and not relationships, are her actual domain.

And speaking of Heart powers...

Nepeta and the Ultimate Self

So from this point forward, I'm going to assume you're more or less agreeing with my take that at some point after Game Over, Hussie - for whatever reason - gave up on his original ending, and wound up truncating his ideas so he could finish the comic faster. I go more into detail about that here.

So, in this hypothetical original ending, I firmly believe that the speech about the Ultimate Self would have come from Nepeta. First, let's take a look at what the "Ultimate Self" entails, as it appears within the comic:

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < everything that ever happens to every version of you is an important part of your ultimate self... like a superceding bodyless and timeless persona that crosses the boundaries of paradox space and unlike god tiers or bubble ghosts or whatever, it really IS immortal DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < but in your physical form there are all these partitions in your mind that prevent you from remembering any of that which makes your existence f33l totally linear DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < which is probably for the best! DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < in a regular body s33ing all that would be too overwhelming ... DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < and after it sinks in for a while you start coming to this understanding of a greater self DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < maybe i "got it" quicker though because of the two people i was and their aspects DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < understanding heart is all about the nuances of a distributed self DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < nepeta never got to make much headway with her aspect but shes finally gettin the chance DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < the time aspect is all about running into different versions of yourself so you kinda get confronted with it in a really literal way that can be disturbing DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < obviously davesprite stuggled with that too, but now its fine DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < hes fr33 from worrying about it all and what it means for his place in reality DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < because he can s33 now all his selves have relevance in painting the full picture of who he truly is DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < im not COMPLETELY sure because im not like some sort of ASPECT MASTER but DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < my avian slash feline intuition tells me that all roads will lead you here eventually DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < gaining the d33pest possible understanding of any aspect will bring you to the same final conclusion about your ultimate self

Now, I believe - and I hope you'll agree - that it's kind of lame, narratively, for Davesprite to have been set up with so much angst about not being the "real Dave," and for Nepeta to have all her issues with loneliness and shyness, and for these two specific iterations of each other to have never interacted, but suddenly getting double-prototyped fixes all of their problems, and they achieve Ultimate Selfhood despite being two total strangers to each other. So let's instead break down the more salient points about what Ultimate Selfhood entails, divorced from the fact that it's Davepetasprite^2 doing the narrating:

Every player in the game possesses an "Ultimate Self," an ultimate culmination of all their experiences and memories, specifically referred to as a "persona"

Normally, people are not aware of this, because it would be too overwhelming to deal with so many memories and iterations of each other.

Everyone will achieve Ultimate Selfhood eventually as the final culmination of their understanding of their aspect.

Heart is all about the nuances of a distributed self.

Let's talk about that last one some more, and by that I mean, let's see what Calliope has to say about it:

TT: I don't know why it had to be this way for me. Juggling these two waking selves at once. TT: I guess I'm used to it, but it still makes for a pretty intense existence. TT: Do you even know what the deal with that is? Like is there any precedent in your readings? UU: i don't know aboUt precedent, bUt it makes plenty of sense to me as the type of path one might expect for a hero of heart. UU: a path rUled by the heart aspect can be a joUrney of splintered self. UU: that is, the player's being may exhibit the same kind of fragmentation which certain classes coUld caUse in others. UU: i think this is what has triggered yoUr dUal-awareness between waking and dream selves, thoUgh it woUld not sUrprise me if the symptoms manifested in even more ways than this.

Now, Dirk has a clawmplicated relationship with his alternate selves, given that he's a Prince, but Nepeta wouldn't have the same struggles, or at least, not to the same degree. The problem is, hampered by Equius and her own shyness about discussing her thoughts and feelings with others:

NEPETASPRITE: :33 < i get so shy and worried what people might think of me if i say how i f33l NEPETASPRITE: :33 < im always so scared that they wont f33l the same way or just think im stupid or pathetic or something

She never actually gets to explore this part of herself.

But What If... She Did?

The way I imagine the original ending going is that each troll that gets saved by John's interference in the timeline then asks John to help them fix their own mistakes, thereby saving somebody else. Each successive trip through the meteor brings new character development, and also riddles the comic with progressively more password pages, which I think would be really funny. And throughout all this the Game Over team is searching for Vriska, Meenah, and the treasure, and resolving their arcs that way, so it's not like they would be replaced - they're the ones who get to kill LE. The process, in my mind, goes like this:

Terezi asks John to save Vriska, and prevent her from getting too spades with Gamzee, as these are her two greatest regrets.

Vriska obviously had great regrets about killing Tavros, both pre- and post-retcon, so she asks for his death to be prevented.

Tavros staying alive means that he and Gamzee wind up hashing out some stuff - Gamzee mentions that he feels "So aT ChIlL WiTh yOu" while talking to Tavros, and Tavros reciprocates the friendship and also - interestingly - acknowledges Gamzee's religion, calling it beautiful even if he doesn't necessarily believe in it. This is interesting because Karkat's inability to do so is explicitly one of the reasons their moirallegiance broke down. So having Tavros back, alive, means that he and Gamzee would likely end up in some sort of relationship, probably pale despite flushed leanings, and would bring Gamzee back into the fold.

Gamzee would then be like, yeah, wow, that time I killed Nepeta and Equius was pretty bad, huh? Especially since his decision to hang onto his friends' bodies and prototype them is often interpreted as him genuinely feeling bad about his dead friends (he tells Kurloz to shut up when Kurloz mentions all the dead friends, and his religion seems to be about a paradise he wants to share with his friends anyway). So he'd ask John to prevent him from killing them, resulting in the two of them getting to live.

Things get much more hypothetical from here, since so much of the character dynamics would have changed, but I think by this point, Equius might command ask John to let him say goodbye to Aradiabot before she explodes, which he expresses feeling very sad about. However, in doing so, John and Aradiabot end up in the same room, and when she realizes that he has the ability to change the timeline without repercussions, she'd seize him by the arm and demand that he take her back in time, to before she died. After all, she expresses regrets about her reckless actions, and how she always felt like it was all one big setup.

She would take Aradia's place in the Vriska revenge chain, being once more freed of her robot chassis, and from there, would trick Doc Scratch and the Handmaiden into thinking everything was still going according to their designs. Meanwhile, Alive!Aradia would be hanging out at Equius's place, borrowing his void powers to avoid notice, coordinating a new timeline that keeps the beats of the original (too much deviation causes unpredictability, and an paradox'd timeline offshoot without John's direct interference would still become doomed), but allows them greater freedom and the ability to overcome the machinations of Doc Scratch and associates.

This would also prevent Sollux from becoming so self-loathing, since it's no longer "his fault" that Aradia dies, although he winds up in that hole again after Feferi gets killed. Now that his Aradia is alive, he wouldn't feel like he might as well stay in the bubbles because his closest companions are there, so he'd make it to the end, and would ask John to prevent Feferi's death.

Eridan still dies; he's so disconnected and isolated from all his friends that his course of actions is largely unaffected even by everybody else's timeline tweaks. But before Feferi can suggest bringing him back, Karkat would butt in.

The Friendship Troll should be the one to demand that ALL of their friends be revived, especially if they had everyone except only one guy, and Karkat and Eridan are heavily implied to be moirails anyway. The course of Karkat's fixes are so comprehensive, and primarily romance-based, that the end result of this final loop is everybody not only being alive, but god-tiered, with appropriate character development.

Now, where Nepeta's Heart powers would play into all of this is that she would start to notice something going on. After all, Heart players are sensitive to their splintered selves, and (Nepeta) is probably much closer to Nepeta than regular doomed timeline offshoots. As the loops continue, and Nepeta has more and more time to talk to people, and meets her dead alternate selves, and even meets (Nepeta), she starts to awaken to her Ultimate Self - to come into possession of alternate memories.

And if the Ultimate Self is a very soul-y kind of concept, such that Heart players have a natural advantage in coming to understand it, then isn't it a natural fit that a Rogue of Heart - one who steals from Heart or steals Heart for others - would be naturally inclined to share the wisdom of her alternate selves, and even the very concept of the Ultimate Self, with her friends?

Because the Ultimate Self is actually, in my opinion, a pretty good narrative device. It turns the sadness of the dead and doomed timelines into something littersweet instead, and makes it so any weirdness regarding time travel and not really knowing your friends anymore will eventually be resolved, even if off-screen.

It's not really narratively satisfying when Davepetasprite^2 suddenly comes into being and reaches enlightenment, but imagine if instead it's a post-character development Nepeta comforting Davesprite on his relevance, or Jade on her loneliness, or John on not really knowing these new post-retcon versions of his friends? It would feel a lot better, since in this hypothetical, she would have reached that point after on-screen character development. Being able to share her true self with her friends on the meteor - by necessity, since what else are they going to be doing for three years - leads to her finally being able to fulfill her role as a Rogue of Heart.

Also, at some point during these repeated meteor trips, she dates Karkat (whether that's successful or not, I'll leave to reader interpretation - you already know where I stand), fulfilling Jaspersprite's musing that she might only be able to date Karkat after she dies.

So that's two out of thr33 of her outstanding plot hooks resolved... okay. So, I try not to make these essays into ship propaganda, but hear me out:

Hate Is Stored In The FefNep

Okay, so, remember that thing about how Feferi is actually a huge casteist hypocrite? Well, let's also note that the comic, post-Murderstuck, seems to put Nepeta and Feferi together a lot - they're a Commodore and Rear Admiral in the ghost pirate army, respectively, and they also wind up as Fefetasprite. So I think it's not entirely out of left field to say that these two were implied to have SOMETHING going on.

And that something... is a difference in political views.

I mean, let's be real, there's a reason Fefetasprite is the most explode-prone after Tavrisprite. Miss "The Hemocaste is Stupid and Shouldn't Matter" vs. Miss "I Love Being A Princess And Call Jade Hornless and Finless (Derogatory)"? Come on, tell me you don't see it.

Without getting too much into Feferi, this hypocrisy, and unwillingness to check her privilege (so glad I found an excuse to use that term unironically), are probably her greatest character flaws - ie, the things you would expect the story to address about her. Meanwhile, one of Nepeta's flaws, which she laments to Jasproseprite^2, is that she feels too shy to talk about her feelings to other people, leading to her having never expressed her views on the hemocaste to anyone but Equius.

I think that they initially think they'd be friends. Each one of them would go "oh man, this other girl is soooo cute, I wish I could talk to her more often!"

And then, once they do, they realize they fucking hate each other. Nepeta would go "X00 < you are such a hypocrite who f33ls like youre better than all of us!!!" and Feferi would go "You're suc)( an uneducated glubbing P-EASANT! 3X0" and then they'd claw each others' eyes out. It would be so funny, and if a homestuck ship isn't extremely fucking funny, then why are we even here.

But more importantly, this would further them along into resolving each others' arcs - Feferi would be forced to grapple with the greater implications of classism, and Nepeta - who is shown having a spine the most in defiance of somebody else - would grow more aggressive about being open about her feelings in defiance of Feferi. Even Equius would get roped into it in a positive way - you can just imagine him going "D --> Can I really believe my auricular sponge clots D --> Nepeta, you are finally taking interest in politi%" and be 100% on board with teaching her so Feferi won't be able to call her uneducated.

And then for flushed, I dunno! Karkat's an option, and Jade and Jake also both love the fuck out of furries, and Tavros seems nice. But yeah I'll die on the fefnep hate ship. Guys it would be so funny.

Thank you as always for reading! Let me know if there's a troll you want to hear me ramble about next.

#homestuck #nepeta leijon #feferi peixes #equius zahhak

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jpitha · 8 months

Text

Call on Me

Everyone has a "meeting the Humans for the first time" story.

Everyone.

I don't know what it is about them, but they are memorable. They have this... ability to be so odd and yet so intriguing. I think it must have something to do with that planet they come from. I've seen it, but you'll never catch me down on its surface. Even if I could breathe their atmosphere, I'd worry my stuff would just burst into flame. I know it's stilly, but I'd still worry.

My Human story?? Mine is years old at this point, but it still sticks in my memories.

I was working in - I guess the humans would call it Border Patrol - a few years ago in a star system. It wasn't my home system, I just worked here. It was a pretty boring job. Ships would Flash or Flip in, we'd scan them, ask for their destination, they'd pay us their tariffs if they needed to, and they'd be on their way. Sometimes people would attempt to smuggle contraband in, though most of the time that didn't happen.

I can neither confirm nor deny that once or twice we accepted a little "bonus" to be somewhat... lax in our contraband scans. But, you know how it is. Everyone has bills to pay.

Anyway, This one time, we received report that a ship had Flipped in. By now, other members of the Coalition had bought the human made Flip drives, so it wasn't guaranteed that a ship that Flipped was human, but it was still more likely than not. As we completed our initial scan, we were able to verify it was indeed a Human ship, a freighter that was named Honeysuckle.

This ship was odd though. Most of the time when a ship would Flip or Flash in, we'd ping them, they'd reply and we'd scan. Then. if we needed to, we'd intercept.

This ship was completely silent.

No lights, no engines, no comms. We hit them with everything we could think of - even the emergency frequencies - and there was nothing. We called the main station in-system for advice, and they said for us to come up along side and if able, to board, and see what was wrong.

We approached, slowly and carefully; we knew all about how Human ships are well armed and... are quick to defend themselves. The whole time we approached, we were signaling on all frequencies asking if they needed help. Once we were close, we even tried flashing our maneuvering jets to see if they had a complete communications failure.

Nothing.

We circled around the ship once or twice, searching for damage and found nothing. This close we were able to do some deep scanning, and our ship reported that there were many life signs onboard, and that most of them were concentrated in a large hold towards the middle. The command deck and living spaces were empty. Almost as an afterthought, the ship reported that Honeysuckle was vibrating slightly.

I looked up from the report at the camera the ship AI uses. "What does that mean?"

"Unknown. Their reactor does not seem to be operating in overload, though it is currently outputting a high amount of energy."

I stared out at the image of the ship, floating in the midnight blue, wondering.

I clacked my wing covers together once, a gesture of resignation. "We've been ordered to board. Do you see any reason why we shouldn't?"

"We will have to connect directly. We do not have suits with maneuvering jets, and we do not have a docking umbilical. The humans have a Coalition standard airlock though, we are able to connect."

My antenna twitched. "Very well. Proceed to connect directly. I will lead the party onboard the ship."

A short while later, me and two others suited up and went to our airlock. We were just wearing regular suits; we didn't have any armored suits, and we carried no weapons. Remember, we were glorified inspectors. I watched out the small airlock window as the human ship grew closer. With a puff of reaction gas and a heavy thunk we were attached.

Immediately, we noticed the sound.

The human ship wasn't just vibrating, it was playing music. In the vacuum of space, we couldn't hear anything, but as soon as our ship made physical contact with theirs, the vibrations transferred to us, and our ship at once began to play a strange repetitive song. We hadn't turned on our translators, so we couldn't understand it, but it had a strong, regular beat and lots of repeating phrases. I looked at my colleagues and they gestured confusion.

"Ship, what's going on?"

"Unknown. Honeysuckle's vibrations are apparently in the form of a song."

"Is it on purpose?"

"Unknown."

"Is it safe?"

"...Unknown."

I buzzed my wings - like a sigh - and sealed my suit. I couldn't breath their atmosphere anyway, and I had a... feeling that something was wrong.

Our airlock cycled normally, but theirs would not obey our commands to open. However, being humans, theirs did have manual override levers and wheels, so after a few minutes of struggle, we were able to open theirs. Our ship took on the puff of their breathing gasses and safely vented them to space.

We stepped into their ship and before we could close the airlock from the inside, we started to hear the music louder. I snapped my translator on, and the song was translated.

Call on meeeeeeeeee/ Call on me Call on meeeeeeeeee/ Call on me Call on meeeeeeeeee/ Call on me

I listened for a few seconds, but that seemed to be it. I closed the airlock and opened the internal door.

The music was deafening.

Even through our suits, it was loud enough to make my wings vibrate. I can't imagine how loud it was in the ship with all their thick air.

Everything on board was vibrating.

We did a quick tour of the small ship and found nobody. We confirmed from the scans that the Command Deck was empty, the living quarters were empty, seemingly the whole ship was empty.

Finally, we made it down to the cargo hold that our ship had said was the location for everyone. It felt impossible, but the music here was even louder.

I looked back at my colleagues, and they were clearly frightened. This whole thing seemed so unusual and odd and neither of them had met humans before. I'll be honest, I was terrified. I only knew the stories.

Humans were incredible warriors.

Humans were banned from fully a dozen stations.

Human weapons would reduce most Coalition species to a pile of viscera.

Humans could take over the whole galaxy, but found that boring, so they didn't.

Humans make friends with anything.

Humans will take incredible risks, especially if it means helping one of their friends.

I had figured that half of the rumors were fakes put out by the humans, and half were fakes put out by their enemies. Which were which though, I had no idea.

I pressed the toggle to open the door.

My senses were assaulted. It's the only way I can describe it. Besides the music, there were flashing lights, some kind of vapor in the room and the people.

So many people.

More than I had ever thought would be on a ship this size were in the room.

All dancing.

They seemed to be completely lost in the music. I've never seen anything like it before or since. The three of us stood in the doorway, completely in shock.

Everyone danced around us, oblivious. I keyed my external speaker, and said "Hello?" but I don't think anyone heard me. I dialed the volume louder.

"Hello?"

Finally, one of the humans heard that and turned to me, and was so startled they screamed and jumped back. This startled us and we jumped back as well. The scream caused everything to come to a halt. The music stopped, the lights came up, and a voice called out over a speaker system, "It everyone all right? What's wrong?"

I stepped forward, their small binocular eyes pointing directly at me. "Um. Welcome to Coalition System 4589. You didn't respond to any hails or scans, so we were dispatched to check on you. Is..." I looked around again to the dozens of humans staring at me, most of them damp from their odd active cooling system. "Is everyone all right?"

A tall human with closely cropped hair seemingly materialized next to me. Even covered in their... cooling fluid, with her hair damp, she had an air of authority to her. "I'm Captain Lina Franklin. Everything is fine here, it's just-" She turned to look at the crew and turned back to me. "-It's 'Dance Party Wednesday'."

Even through the clear bubble of my suit, I must have made quite the expression. She was familiar enough with our body language - or her ship told her - and she seemed to fall over herself to explain things.

"We have some themed days in the week to help relieve boredom. We do the Dance Party once a month, and the last two times, we had to postpone it because of engine issues, or problems with the ship. This was our first one we were able to do and we must have... gotten carried away. We're fine, thanks for checking in on us. We'll get cleaned up and signal the Coalition Station our destination and purpose."

The spell broken, everyone started to shuffle towards us and make their way back to their stations. The lights in the room were bright and sterile, and the vapor slowly dissipated. Soon the only evidence of what was going on were the lights in the ceiling, now dark, and a rather large speaker system in one corner.

I turned to the captain. "Sorry for interrupting your celebration."

She smiled with her mouth closed. "It's all right. We'll get cleaned up and get on our way." She stopped at looked at the three of us. "It's too bad, really."

"What is?"

"That there are so few Coalition sapient species that breathe the same atmosphere as us. People rarely get to see what we're like. When we're on Coalition stations, we're always in our suits. You got to see us as we are."

We said our goodbyes, and headed back to our ship. As we disconnected, their ship came back to life, and they took off towards their destination, and I sat in my chair, wondering if I really was missing out by not being able to know the humans better.

#humans are deathworlders #humans are space orcs #sci fi writing #writing #jpitha #humans and aliens #humans are space australians #humans are space capybaras #humans are space oddities

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bucketsofmonsters · 7 months

Text

The Witch's Apprentice - Part 7

cw: demon summoning, prolonged isolation, size difference, agoraphobia, depression, more tags will be added as the story continues

male demon x afab reader

Word count: 3k

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7

You woke up alone and felt anything but. The distant buzz of people outside, on the streets, bustling about the hallways of the inn, felt suffocating. It all seemed so loud now, so deafening.

Lucien appeared in front of you, giving you a quiet “Good morning,” and suddenly, it wasn’t loud at all, his voice cutting through the hum that had seemed deafening moments before.

“How’re you doing?” he asked as you blinked up at him from your seat on the bed.

Was his voice quieter than usual? Or maybe that was just how people sounded with the constant buzz of a city in the background.

“I don’t have any stuff,” you said. It was a trivial complaint, you knew that, but you wanted something to hold onto. Anything that was yours, that wasn’t so foreign.

He laughed and it felt cruel. You knew it shouldn't, that he was trying to help, but it felt cruel that he was allowed to do that right now, while you felt like you’d been broken into pieces. “We’ll get you new stuff, don’t worry about that.”

Like it was that simple. Like you could just get new stuff and move on.

It wasn’t his fault. You knew that. He was the reason you were still here. But some part of you; some unsnuffable, horrible little instinct; wanted to blame him. Without him, you would still be home. Without him, nothing would have changed.

“I just…” you began, with no idea how to articulate any of this to him.

And then, with the most distressed expression you’d ever seen from him, he interrupted you and said, “I have to go. I’ll be back as soon as I can.”

And that was it. He faded away and you were alone again.

You hated the deafening roar of the city he left you with.

At least when he was here, you could pretend things would be okay.

You didn’t have anything left. Anything but him. At least when he was in front of you, you had something to cling to.

Hours passed before he reappeared in front of you. When he did, you didn’t manage to get a word out before a string of curse words escaped him and he faded out of existence again.

You barely even moved as you waited for him. What would you do anyway? You had nothing to do but wait, so that’s what you did, patiently and quietly, on the bed he’d found for you.

It was a shorter wait this time, under an hour if you had to guess.

“Where do you keep going?” you asked as he solidified in the space in front of you. It was slower without you summoning him, like he had to put real effort into coming to you.

A pained expression flashed across his face, disappearing as quickly as it arrived. “I’m being summoned.”

“So often? You’re a popular demon,” you said it with the cadence of a joke, but neither of you found it particularly funny.

“Summonings go through phases,” he said with a sigh. “Names get discovered or obtain reputations. I was too nice for a while, people got comfortable, so I get called upon a lot these days. I’m rectifying my mistake. Hopefully, my name will start to come with a bad taste in people’s mouths in a few decades.”

“Oh. Good luck with that, I guess.”

“Thank you. It’s been going pretty well. Only one major lapse in my judgment,” he said with a pointed look in your direction.

You couldn’t help but smile a little at that. “I promise to tell everyone you were real mean to me. Very scary, the scariest demon you could imagine.”

A huff of laughter escaped him. “Good. My reputation may survive this little affair yet. Now, what have you been up to?”

Your eyes flicked around as you searched for an answer that wouldn’t sound horribly tragic.

He didn’t wait for you to find one before butting in at your obvious distress. “Come on, you don’t need to wait around for me. You haven’t had the chance to do anything in years, go talk to someone or something.”

You shrugged. “I’m fine where I am.”

He looked you up and down, evaluating you as you shrunk away from him. “What is it? Did something happen?”

“Nothing happened. I’m just fine in here.”

His eyes narrowed and you couldn’t understand why he didn’t believe you. Surely it wasn’t that difficult to understand. Surely anyone would be hesitant to go back out into the world after being stowed safely away for so long.

“Something happened,” he said, no longer a question and entirely incorrect.

“It really didn’t. Actually, as long as we’re talking about it, I was thinking. I probably shouldn’t be here at all. I mean, I’m not doing much here. I could always stay in hell with you. It would be easier that way.”

“No,” he snapped, and you flinched back at his harsh tone. “No,” he said again, softer this time, a quiet correction. “I will not let you just lock yourself away again. I will not be your new Eden.”

“I wasn’t asking you to be,” you lied, unconvincing even to yourself.

“You’ll be fine. Just go, talk to someone, get some fresh air. It’ll get easier.”

He didn’t understand, couldn’t understand, just how impossible it was.

“Yeah, I will. Don’t worry about me.”

He gave you an unmistakably worried look as he said, “Alright, I won’t. I just think that… shit.”

“Is it happening again?”

“Just go do something. I’ll be back when I can.”

As you laid down in bed, with no intention to go out and doing anything, you wondered just how often he got summoned. You’d never really considered it before. You knew it happened of course, but you’d never put real thought into it past how frustrating of an experience it must be for him.

What would happen if two people tried to summon him at once? Would it hurt? Rip him in two? You doubted that any of the witches summoning him had considered it either.

And what other things was he being forced to do out there? Surely Eden wasn’t the worst witch he’d ever encountered. What other horrible things weighed on him every day, that he couldn’t help but feel a little responsible for?

As time ticked on, another thought wormed its way into your head. Maybe he wasn’t being summoned at all. He’d never had to leave this often before he’d helped you make your daring escape and now he could barely stay with you for more than a few minutes.

It made sense. He’d done what he wanted to do. He’d freed you from the trap he was forced to lay. His part in this should be over, his guilt assuaged, if it weren’t for the way you clung to him like a lifeline.

The thoughts swam around your head until he appeared once more, looking irritated, eyes distant and cold.

The spark of insecurity in you couldn’t be snuffed out any longer, not even in the face of his bad mood.

“Are you actually being summoned?” you blurted out. “Because if you don’t want to be here, you don’t have to be.” You knew it wasn’t true, that you needed him, but still couldn’t stomach the idea of him forcing himself to be here. “I thought we were friends but maybe that was naive. Is it just guilt? Is that what all of this was?”

He sighed, his hands rising to rub at his temples. “It's not... I don't know. Maybe at the beginning. I wanted you to be bad. I needed you to be. And you weren’t and it was the worst thing you’ve ever done to me.”

“I’m sorry,” you said, your voice quiet and broken and completely genuine.

“You really are, aren’t you? Sorry for what? Sorry for not being awful?”

“Well, not…” You weren’t entirely sure what you were apologizing for. You just knew that you were sorry. “I just meant, sorry for making things worse for you. That’s all.”

“You didn’t make anything worse, not in the long run. I like you. I’m glad you got out of there. It’s just that right at the start I needed you to be a bad person so I didn't feel so fucking guilty. I hate doing this, you know. Being so cruel. Especially to people like you. But if I don’t things get so much worse.”

“You’re not cruel,” you said, knowing it was true and yet somehow, deep down, knowing it was the last thing he wanted to hear.

“I didn’t used to be. That’s the rule. My new rule. No more being nice to the inexperienced ones. Witches like yours don’t give you opportunities to lash out so if you want to establish a reputation, you have to be cruel when you can be. Every single time they give you the chance. When the little witches summoning their first monster give you an opening, you strike. That way the next one thinks twice when they see your name in some summoning book.”

“That sounds awful.”

“Feels awful too. But nothing feels worse than being forced to do even crueler things so you do what you can. Lesser of two evils.”

“It wasn’t your fault,” you said, knowing exactly what crueler things were flashing through his distant eyes.

“Maybe not. Still wouldn’t have happened without me. You weren’t the first, you know. You were the first victim she kept, sure, but not the first one who fell prey to that damn forest. You’ve probably seen what’s left of some of them, some bones and remains of them in various forms. She got plenty of use out of them, I’ll give her that much”

Your heart skipped a beat as he spoke and your mind pulled back to the various bones and bits of gore in jars that you’d tended to and organized for her over the years. You’d never thought about them before, not really. Even trying to remember them, it was like a haze began to form in your mind, a buzzing pain starting to settle in over the distant images.

You started to fall to the side before the feeling of a warm hand on your arm brought you out of your head. “Don’t hurt yourself,” he said, giving your arm a gentle squeeze before pulling back far too soon. “I’m sure she’s tainted most of your memories of anything she didn’t want you to see. It’s probably best to not try and look back.”

Now you had one more thing to mourn, even the memories of your home being ripped away from you. How cruel that you weren’t even allowed to keep those in this strange new place.

“Right. I’ll do my best.”

He nodded. “I know you will. You’ll be fine. You’ve been doing really well.”

It was a kind lie. You appreciated him for trying to tell it.

And then you were alone again.

You did try leaving this place. You swore you did, despite knowing in the back of your head that you couldn’t do it.

You peeked out the window on the tips of your toes down at unfamiliar faces on the street and stood at the door, pretending you knew how to steel yourself for the task ahead.

At the very least it was something to do with yourself when Lucien was away, gone to a summoning or back to hell or just living his life, doing things he refused to speak about with you, always keeping you at arms length.

But that was unfair. He was there when he could be during the day, when some other witch didn’t whisk him away against his will to do whatever they pleased.

He never spoke to you about it, about what they asked him to do. Every time you tried he got very quiet and then began to push back, asking you when you’d go outside.

Nothing quieted you faster than that.

At night he was always gone.

At night you were small again.

You hated sleeping, avoided it whenever you could. You were terrified of the dreams that might come. You’d honestly welcome a nightmare at this point. Your biggest fear was you would dream of home. Your biggest fear was waking up again after.

Instead, you just stared at the wall every night, waiting for it to be morning so you could wait for Lucien again.

A thud pulled you from your trance and your head jerked up towards the window just in time to see a bird falling to the ground below after having slammed into the glass it’s little mind couldn't comprehend.

You were moving before you even had time to think. It was for the best, you weren’t sure you could’ve managed it if you’d had to think it through, to force yourself to get up and go check on the poor creature.

You held your breath as you walked out the door of your room, freezing for a moment. You weren’t sure what you expected to happen.

A woman walked by you, turning to the side and slipping by where you were blocking the hallway with a quiet, “Excuse me, love.”

There was a pressure building in your head, behind your eyes, closing your throat. This foreign air felt toxic, a bile rising inside of you.

A gentle hand settled on your back and you practically jumped out of your skin to get away from it.

You bolted at the contact, frightened, flighty. Darted not back inside but through the halls until you found a way outside, running around the perimeter of the building until you found it.

It was a small, unassuming brown bird, crumpled on the ground, an injured wing tucked under itself.

You picked it up as gently as you could, cradling it in the palms of your hands.

Every instinct you had wanted you to run back and hide. Instead, you walked slowly, carefully, trying not to jostle the poor creature too much.

The woman was no longer in the hall, having left at some point after you’d fled from her. Some part of you felt bad, hoped you hadn’t hurt her feelings or left her worried.

Most of your attention was on the bird.

You had no idea how to help it, would have to ask Lucien tomorrow. You were terrified to touch the bent wing, to make it worse than it already was. Even attempting to set it would hurt the poor creature and you couldn’t stomach the thought of it, of inflicting any more pain.

You did what you could, forming a little bed to rest it in for the night, a little nest out of towels and pillows.

It was almost funny in a way. A makeshift nest inside of your makeshift nest. You were no better off than this frightened, wounded little creature.

At least maybe, someday, it could get out of here.

#terato #demon x reader #demon x human #monster bf #monster boyfriend #monster x human #monster x reader #demon #the witch's apprentice #This story has negative thematic subtlety lol #This is a little shorter than I like my chapters to be but sitting on it for weeks wasn’t doing me any good #I’ll get the next one out much faster #Pinky promise

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xiao-come-home · 29 days

Note

stone faced anon (💫 anon if it's free) here; as someone who has a hyperfixation in IT and coding I also think it would be very funny if Boothill had an s/o who wasn't necessarily a mechanic but like a software engineer or just a real big nerd about coding or something. He'll be experiencing a malfunction or a memory leak and go "oh yeah this happens sometimes don't worry about it" and then 10 minutes later he's sitting down plugged into a laptop listening to his s/o rant about how terrible his code is (crack hc: boothill's code was written in javascript) and how it's a wonder he hasn't bricked* yet

Would also be mad funny if Boothill ever got hacked and his s/o basically says "no you're not" and uses a previously made system restore point or something because of course they would both use and design every feature imaginable to keep Boothill in control of his own body, can you imagine the stress that losing control would cause him?? Even better if whoever designed him originally intentionally left a backdoor incase he ever went against their orders and when they try to use it his s/o just goes "oh yeah I quarantined and encrypted all the old files related to that backdoor and whatever else you were planning on a partition as bait and personally rewrote every file and function involved since your code is *an actual crime against technology*. by the way i'm going to go ahead and format that partition i mentioned, boothill- we won't be needing anything on it now that we can trace whoever made it. trust me, this won't be happening ever again."

*(bricking is a term mostly used to refer to hardware that's been rendered basically completely nonfunctional and beyond saving by using it wrong, mostly by messing with system files. Kinda like how windows can't even repair itself if you delete the system32 folder. Though i guess you could still install it with a usb stick if you formatted your pc- i digress you get what I mean. also since this almost happened to me recently: if you manage to fill up a hard drive to the brim, with literally 0 bytes of space left, that bricks it. reminder to check your storage thoroughly and often!)

Honestly wow I read it all and I'm a little bit speechless 🥹 thank you 💫 anon, it was great 🙏

Boothill would DEFINITELY appreciate a s/o who's a tech savvy in general! I think at some point, he'd be pretty shocked you're so knowledgeable and just sit there, listening to you rant.. and just letting you do your thing.

Don't get me wrong, he definitely knows a lot about his body, his system and the way he works, but once you start to get in the zone and explain stuff to him, berate his code even, he just sits next to you, plugged in to your laptop, leaning his cheek against his hand listening to you like he obviously understands everything you say.

His other hand begins to gently play with a stand of your hair, humming deeply when the soft clicking sounds of your keyboard reach his ears; he twirls your hair with his fingers and chuckles, "mmm, really now?" Boothill raises an eyebrow, "encryptin' this, encryptin' that... How about we do somethin' more fun instead?" And then you shut him down from your laptop (😭).

Jokes aside, he'd feel very secure with you especially when he first got his new body, just knowing you'll probably fix a lot of things that could possibly blow up his face in no time, maybe even improve his life even more.

#honkai star rail #honkai star rail x reader #hsr x reader #boothill x reader #boothill hsr #boothill #.💫 anon #.anon thirst

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rainbow-nerdss · 1 month

Text

Tease Tidbit Tuesday

Enjoy this hit from the bucktommy pit I've fallen into over the past few days! 💙💙

“Eddie gave me a shovel talk, you know?” Tommy says, next time they get together. They're at Buck's again, and Buck is cooking for them. He drops the spatula at Tommy's announcement, spinning to look at him. “He what? Jesus, I am so sorry, he shouldn't have—” “It's fine,” Tommy assures him. “It was cute. He cares about you.” Buck snorts. “Sure. He hasn't scared you off, at least?” "Nah, trust me, I've sparred with the guy enough times to know I can take him if I need to.” Buck raises an eyebrow. “I wouldn't underestimate him. That guy knows how to fight dirty. Trust me. He's scrappy.” “Scrappy, huh?” Buck turns back to the pot and stirs it again. “Hey, come taste this?” He holds out a spoon. Tommy joins him at the stove, standing far closer than necessary, almost flush against Buck's back as he takes the spoon in his mouth, chews, and swallows. “Delicious,” he announces. “Is that Bobby's Chili?” Buck nods. "Yup!" “Man, he was always so secretive about that!” Tommy complains. “How'd you talk him into sharing?” “Pays to be the favorite, I guess!” Buck preens. “So, what? Eddie suddenly decided to go all white knight protecting my virtue now I'm dating a guy?” He asks, steering the conversion back around. Tommy leans against the countertop beside Buck. “Nah, nothing like that. He just said that… He reminded me, forcibly, that you're a good guy, and I should probably refrain from hurting you, if I can help it.” Privately, a part of Buck glows at the knowledge that Eddie did that for him, even while he plans to rip him a new one for interfering. “I should clarify, Evan. I'm not… I’ve mentioned Victor, right? My ex?” Buck nods, turning to face Tommy in order to give this his full attention. “He sort of… did a number on me. Meeting you, doing… this, it's great. I'm just not…” “You're not ready for something serious,” Buck realizes. Tommy nods. “But, what we've been doing so far…?” “Is great! The dates, the, uh… other stuff, all amazing, but—” “You just don't want anything more serious than that.” “Exactly. If that's a deal-breaker, I can—” “No!” Buck rushes, putting a hand on Tommy's chest. “I mean, this is good for me too. Takes some of the pressure off, actually.” Tommy visibly relaxes, and Buck takes a moment to turn down the heat on the stove, leaning further into his space. “You said you were a relationship guy,” Tommy says, clearly wanting to make a hundred percent sure. Buck does him the courtesy of taking a moment to consider his answer. “I used to think I was. I thought my options were either ‘serious relationship’ or ‘meaningless sex that left me feeling like crap’.” He steps closer, close enough that he can feel Tommy's breath ghost across his skin. “But lately I've been discovering the joys of things being… somewhere on a spectrum. Keeping things fluid.” “Yeah?” Tommy asks, moving even closer. They might as well be kissing now, but they aren't quite, just a hair between them. “Yeah,” Buck repeats. “Though,” he adds. “For the sake of clarity. When you say other stuff, is that referring to the flying lessons you still owe me, or—” Buck pulls away just a fraction, just enough to allow Tommy the opportunity to reach out and keep him there, pulling him back into a dizzying kiss.

Tags:

I was tagged by @wildlife4life @spotsandsocks @diazsdimples @dangerpronebuddie @wikiangela @exhuastedpigeon and @bidisasterbuckdiaz

And tagging:

@theotherbuckley @aspecbuddie @thewolvesof1998 @daffi-990 @neverevan @loserdiaz @goforkinard @kwills91 @trenchcoatsandtimetravel @devirnis @steadfastsaturnsrings @sunflowerdiaiz @lover-of-mine @liabegins @lovelettertothewise @slowlyfoggydestiny @buddieboos @shitouttabuck @pirrusstuff @jesuisici33 @nmcggg @elvensorceress @eddiebabygirldiaz @your-catfish-friend @eightpackdiaz @gigi-gigi @bisexualbuckleys @loveyouanyway @alliaskisthepossibilityoflove @arachanae

#my fic #911 fic #evan buckley #tommy kinard #tevan #bucktommy #this fic will eventually be buddie but i'm having too much fun laying the groundwork #just vibe with me here

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thebearer · 9 months

Note

need carmy asking reader to move in w him!!! i feel like he'd just blurt it out one day when reader was complaining about her roommate or apartment lol

"Hey, have you seen my shoes?" You ask around your toothbrush, towel still around your damp body from the shower, brows creased looking around the apartment.

"Uh, which ones?" Carmen cranes his neck towards the shoe rack by the door. You had got him that. A little lover gift, you called it, surprising him on a random Tuesday moths ago. Carmen had a bad habit of just kicking his shoes by the door, the pile always stressing him when he couldn't find matching clogs, so you got him that.

"The black, like, slip ones. Kinda looks like Vans but... not?" You muttered, fumbling through the small corner of the closet you kept a few of your things in. Carmen had told you plenty of times to just take it, take as much space as you wanted, but you stuck to your small corner of his closet and bottom dresser drawer.

"No, I don't see them in here." Carmen called back, hearing your muttered curse before you padded back to the bathroom.

"Shit, I knew I forgot something." You sighed, rinsing your mouth out. "I guess I'll wake up early tomorrow and swing by my place before work."

"Or," Carmen leaned against the door, eyes rounding hopefully at you. "You could... You could just keep all your stuff here."

"Yeah," You snorted lightly, rolling your eyes. "And drag that shit back and forth? That would be even worse-"

"-No, I meant, like," Carmen took a breath. "I mean keep all your stuff here all the time."

You paused, looking at him for a moment, blinking and a little unsure. "You want me to... move in?" You asked.

Carmen looked at his feet, blushing, hand running over his face to try to hide his red face. "I-I... Yeah, yeah, ya know? You-You already kinda live here already, and-and.... I dunno. I would like if you lived here with me. If you wanted to."

Your heart skipped. The shake in his voice, flustered and nervous and boyish. It made your heart swell. "I-I mean... You know I would, Carm, but... I have a lease." You sucked in a breath, heart sinking at the fall in his face. "I-I don't have the money to just break it, and I couldn't do that to my roommates."

Carmen nodded slowly. "No, yeah, that... that would be shitty." He ran a hand over his face. "Shit, sorry. I shouldn't have... I'm sorry. I don't know why-"

"-Carmen, it's not that I don't want to live with you." You stopped him gently, stepping towards him. "I just can't right now, but... my lease is out in May. Maybe we could revisit this then?"

"Yeah?" Carmen asked, eyes lighting up hopefully. You wanted to move in with him. You wanted to stay with him long term. Here you were, huddled in his apartment bedroom, talking about your future so casually, so surely. It made his heart hammer in his chest in the best way.

"Yeah." You nodded with a smile. "I'll start slowly moving my stuff in, and when it gets closer to the lease we can... officially move everything in?"

"Yeah, that-that would be cool." Carmen said, biting back his grin, eyes dazzling when they met yours.

"I'll start with those shoes. Tomorrow." You grin, cupping his cheek, pulling him in for a sweet kiss.

#thebearerblurbs #thebearer #bearblahs #carmen berzatto #carmen berzatto x reader #carmy berzatto #carmy berzatto x reader #the bear #carmen berzatto fluff #carmen berzatto x fem!reader #carmen berzatto x female!reader #carmen berzatto x you #carmy berzatto fluff #the bear fx

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all4aoki · 12 days

Text

⊹ 𝓢END 𝓐 𝓢IGNAL ⠀Ꮺ ָ࣪ ۰ ִ

you hated change, but maybe it was necessary for your happiness . . . enha x f!reader (pjs focused), poly!enha, enha8thmember

wc . . . 13.1k , warnings! my poor attempts of writing angst, cheating / talks of cheating, mentions of kidnapping & death, rushed writing, me guessing stuff about being an idol, not proofread

previous episode ᨳ next episode

Something was wrong. Not the kind of wrong that settled heavily in your gut and told you that you needed to remove yourself from the situation, but the kind that started as a small voice in your brain and morphed into something you thought about constantly. Which was strange to you. Promotions for Border: Day One were finally coming to an end and the preparations for your group’s next mini album had already begun, so while the stress of your job hadn’t fully gone away, you didn’t think it was the cause of your intuition going haywire

That feeling would only rear its ugly head where it was unwanted when you would watch them interact. Normally, when the male members of Enhypen spent time together, love was the only emotion you could sense. Fondness. Joy. Whatever you wanted to call it, it didn’t make you feel uneasy. But recently, when you saw Sunghoon and Jay together, a part of your mind related them to a ticking time bomb. The reason was unclear, but the way their eyes shined with a kind of passive aggressiveness when the other wasn’t looking and the fact that they had been only communicating with each other in short sentences since a week ago screamed unhealthy to you. After all, you had never seen them engage in what you assumed to be a fight. And since you were such a good girlfriend, you were going to stay out of it until Sunghoon said something to you.

Besides, resolving tensions was Jungwon’s job.

“I think you’ve developed a staring habit,” Sunoo said from beside you on the couch. You blinked away from the video game the eldest four of the group were playing on the TV.

Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion, “What’d you mean?”

“What do you mean, ‘What do you mean’?” He continued eating the ice cream that had somehow found its way into your fridge one day. “I swear every time I look at you now you’re spacing out.”

Well, to be fair, you were trying to put the pieces of some kind of puzzle together. “I was just thinking–” you hesitated, but quickly concluded that if anyone would shut down your worries speedily, it would be Sunoo. You lowered your voice to a whisper, “Do you think Hoon and Jay-oppa are mad at each other?”

The two boys in question were sitting on the floor, a large amount of distance and Heeseung between them.

Sunoo didn’t say anything.

“Mmm… you know something, don’t you?” you giggled as he shrugged and took another bite from his dessert. “Tell meee,” you whined, throwing yourself onto Sunoo’s lap only for him to (somewhat) gently push you off and onto the floor.

The thud of your landing made seven other heads snap in your direction.

“Sunoo-ah did you just push my girlfriend off the couch?” Sunghoon asked, getting up quickly and taking the short five steps to your spot on the floor. You sat up easily and rubbed the back of your head to make sure nothing hurt.

The rest of your members were unsurprised when Sunghoon and you announced your relationship. Maybe you two hadn’t done the best job of hiding it, but you still thought that with the debut, they wouldn’t have noticed anything. Turns out the way Sunghoon looked at you, as if you hung the moon and stars, and how you had barely let him out of your grasp were clear indicators of your relationship. So after a few weeks of being together, and when you were sure you were never getting away from the honeymoon phase, the two of you had sat the rest of the members down only to be met with: “Oh we already knew.”

Sunghoon kneeled down next to you, one of his hands coming up to meet yours on the back of your head and the other wrapping around your waist. His fingers rubbed against the silky strands of your hair as he felt for any kind of forming bump.

“He didn’t push me that hard,” you reassured. “I’m fine. Promise.”

You tried to disregard the concerned looks and Heeseung’s request for he himself to look at your head. In an attempt to distract yourself, you took Sunghoon’s hand from the back of your hand and tenderly placed a kiss on his palm, then on the corner of his mouth after shifting onto your knees.

“M’ not a baby,” you said, ruffling his hair before sliding over to the base of the couch. Your feet crossed under you as you settled between Jay and Sunoo, who was still unphased on the sofa.

Riki scoffed from his spot on the furniture, in the far right corner, “Get a room!”

Sunghoon responded with a roll of his eyes.

He followed you to your new position on the floor, pushing at your legs so he could lay on his back between them. You complied, dropping them straight and letting him rest his head back on your stomach. Sunghoon at some point had gotten his controller back as well, and for a few minutes, there was silence apart from the shooting and violence of the video game.

The game was quick to become boring and you reached behind you, hand blindly searching for your phone. Thankfully, Sunoo placed the device right in your grip before you would’ve had to ask Sunghoon to sit up for you to look.

“Thanks, Sun,” you whispered to him and he smiled softly at you. When you turned your eyes away from him, glancing to your right, there was Jay. His jaw was set in a form that looked too tense to be comfortable and his knuckles white from holding onto the controller with a hand that was probably too tight.

Yeah, something was definitely wrong.

You felt something shift against your stomach and you looked down to realize that Sunghoon had been looking up at you. He had been watching you study one of his best friends who was sitting a little too close to you for him to not feel a bit antsy. A small grumble left him with a choice of words you couldn’t comprehend and then Sunghoon was forcing one of your hands into his luxurious-feeling locks. Out of instinct, you ran your fingernails along his scalp in an attempt to calm him down.

You had kept your interference between the male members and their conflicts to a minimum, in firm belief that they were mature enough to sort out their differences, but there was a part of you that kept tempting you to do something this time.

Rarely did they need help, and you figured that they wouldn’t ask for it unless it was absolutely necessary. In fact, they honestly might not ask for help at all, pride and ego being traits that were still overwhelmingly strong in their personalities. And while you didn’t want them to be angry at you for trying to extend an assisting hand, you didn’t want the people you loved fighting each other either. So, maybe you didn’t have to do anything. Asking wouldn’t hurt. That way, you would at least be aware of whatever was going on between the two boys. Then you would be able to decide what to do.

Nodding a bit to yourself, you twisted your head to be directed towards the elder male on your right. “After this round can you help me make some food?”

Jay’s eyes snapped over to you, and you were surprised at the sharpness they held. Was he angry at you too? Your confidence in your plan faltered at his reaction to your request. Subconsciously, you shrunk away from him, your eyes suddenly unable to meet his for more than a few seconds.

“Sorry, I was just hungry.”

Jay blinked slowly and tilted his head to the side as he went back to the game, “Of course, we can make something. Don’t apologize if you’re hungry.” Somehow that made you feel worse.

Sunghoon moved against your belly again, “Let me make something for you.” Normally, you would’ve gladly accepted the offer, but you felt as if you needed to talk to Jay. It was weird, you’d never played the mediator before. Usually, you would stand off to the side and watch everything unfold, only interjecting when necessary, but maybe it was time that you began trying to help your loved ones in more ways than one.

You smiled down at Sunghoon, his head pressing into the soft skin of your stomach as he craned his head back at you. “Thank you, Hoon, but I want an edible meal.”

“Yah, I can cook!” he pouted and you cooed at the cute expression. Your thumbs ran over the smooth expanse of his cheeks and he leaned into your touch.

Prickles of heat on the right side of your body began to rise and at the feeling, you glanced over your shoulder to find Jay staring at the two of you.

“Jay-oppa can make me something, Hoon.”

“Yeah, Hoon, let Jay-oppa make YN-ie something.” You didn’t like how he emphasized the two boys’ names. Especially with the way Sunghoon sharply tilted his head towards his elder. If you could’ve seen his eyes, you figured they would be burning with some kind of anger considering the way his muscles tensed.

For a moment, the only sounds that met your ears were the quiet conversation the other members were having, the TV in the background, and the video Sunoo was watching as he undoubtedly eavesdropped on the three of you.

“Mmm, okay,” Sunghoon sighed as he turned away from Jay, facing the television and placing his elbows on the outside of your legs. Harshly, he pulled your limbs closer to his sides with his arms and you almost yelped at the way your legs slid on the ground.

His thumbs rattled the buttons and joysticks with an alarming speed, “As long as I get to feed you when he’s done cooking, princess.”

Your face scrunched up in confusion and maybe a hint of disgust at his words. Feed you? What was he saying? Sunghoon was well aware of your love for your independence, and while you’d slowly been allowing him to take care of you in ways that you previously hadn’t wanted, he should’ve known that you could do basic human functions.

“What’re you…” you softly muttered to yourself, but ultimately gave up on your point. You cleared your throat quickly, shifting your attention back to Jay. “Do we still have stuff for bibimbap?”

“I don’t want bibimbap!” Jake cried from the other side of the room.

You laughed, “Then you don’t have to have any!”

“Yeah, I’m just making food for YN-ie and me to eat,” Jay added.

“And me,” Sunghoon said. You mentally cursed him. Of course, you loved the boy more than anything else in the world, but there shouldn’t have been a reason as to why he wasn’t letting you spend one-on-one time with another member. Especially not Jay.

The elder had been there for you as soon as Part 2 of I-Land began, almost acting as some sort of caregiver. Brother definitely wasn’t the right word, he was always too nice and a tad bit too nervous to engage in any sort of sibling-like banter. Friend for sure. He was always the one checking up on you after those first weeks, making sure you were tending to your needs and doing it for you if you admitted you hadn’t.

If Sunghoon should’ve had the most trust in any of the members for your well-being, it should’ve been Jay. But now he was engaging himself in every instance of alone time you had with Jay.

Your fingers stroked his face again, relishing in the warmth that radiated from his body, “Didn’t you just eat?”

He chuckled, “I’m always hungry.”

“Don’t they need you here to play the game?”

“I’m sure they’ll manage.” So he wasn’t going to relent this time. “It’s starting to sound like you don’t want to spend time with me!” Sunghoon teased playfully. You did your best to act like he hadn’t caught your plan of action to solve this cold war-esque fight.

Suddenly, your face felt warm. “Hoon, that’s not true. I don’t want you to overeat–”

“Wow,” Sunoo said from above you.

You glared at him from over your shoulder, “Hush.” The boy simply shrugged. “You know what, I actually can’t wait.” As gently and lovingly as you could manage, you lifted Sunghoon’s upper body off of you and laid him back on the ground as you stood up.

You offered a hand to Jay.

His dark eyes flickered between your outstretched palm and your boyfriend that was spread out on the tile, Sunghoon’s own eyes studying you as if you were some sort of goddess. It looked like he was thinking about something, but before you could try to deduce what, Jay’s rough palm slid into your hand as he got up.

Even when you tried to tug away, his fingers held your smaller ones tight.

“I was asking for your controller,” you muttered, taking the item from his other hand and tossing it to Sunoo. “Here, Sun, you play.”

Sunoo whined a bit, but made room in his hands for the device, balancing what little remained of his ice cream against the object. Sunghoon nudged your ankle with his hand and you instantly found him.

A soft smile was swift to grace your lips and his small grin matched yours.

“I love you,” you said and Jay moved behind you, pulling you towards the kitchen. A chorus of “I love you too” followed, Sunghoon yelling how your words were meant for him being the last thing you heard before you were left in mediocre silence with the older male in the kitchen.

For a while, nothing was said. Your throat felt clogged every time you thought you were finally going to say something. It was almost embarrassing how you couldn’t find the comfort that was usually there when you spoke to Jay. It had been routine for everything to be so easy between the two of you and you weren’t sure when that’d changed.

Silently, you slid into one of the chairs at the island that Jay was now using to prep your requested dish.

“Do you want to help?” he asked, beginning to prepare the rice. You shrugged and pulled the cutting board that he’d gotten out to your side of the island.

“If you need it so bad, sure.” He glanced at you from over his shoulder. Snarkily, you smiled at him. And as he got the package of shredded carrots out of the fridge, you began cutting up the cucumber.

Jay furrowed his eyebrows and leaned on the counter, “I’m not sure if I like that cutting technique you’re using.”

“I thought you wanted me to help,” you said, popping one of the slices into your mouth and chewing.

Jay slipped the cutting board away from you as quickly as you had taken it, “Sorry Kendall Jenner, but I don’t want you losing a finger.” You pouted at his words, face scrunching up as he voiced his playful doubt.

“Hey…” you whined as he gently took hold of the wrist of the hand that was holding the knife, taking the tool from you. “I’m never gonna get better at cooking if you don’t let me try!”

He chuckled at your reaction, chopping up the rest of the vegetable and handing you a few pieces as he did so. You ate them, but not without frowning at him as he gave you each one.

“Don’t need you hurting yourself though,” he explained. “And when I teach you to cook we would be making a nice meal. Something they would serve at an expensive restaurant.”

The thought of him instructing you, getting closer than he normally would, whispering to you as you both shared laughter made your face flush. The alarming sensation of butterflies in your gut suddenly rushed over you. It was a feeling that you only got with Sunghoon. A feeling that you were only supposed to get with Sunghoon. You brushed it off. You were thinking about Sunghoon, that was probably why you suddenly felt that good kind of nervousness. The one that was one of the many reasons that made you understand why being in love was so wonderful. Something that made life so enjoyable.

You did your best to smile, pushing down whatever had found its way into your gut.

“I don’t think I have the patience to work on something for that long.”

“Well, you do it every day. As your job, so the least you could do is spend some time with me.” One more cucumber. You took it halfheartedly.

“Yeah… I’m sorry I haven’t been hanging out with you guys as often as I used to but I’ve been trying to–”

“Be with Sunghoon,” Jay finished for you. As a response, you nodded. The timer for the rice went off, and Jay slowly spun around to get the food. The smell of comfort filled the space, and you sunk a bit into the hardness of your seat. “I just can’t believe that he thinks it’s okay for you to be with him 24/7 because you’re…”

He couldn’t even finish his sentence.

“Dating?”

“Yeah,” Jay agreed right away. You watched as he retrieved two bowls from one of the cupboards and began assembling the bibimbap for the two of you. After those words, it was easy to piece together that he was angry at Sunghoon because you’d been spending all of your free time with him. And honestly, that made you angry.

Of course you were going to spend time with your boyfriend. While you still wanted to keep your friendships with the rest of the members strong, you were going to prioritize the boy you were in love with because, well, you were in love with him.

You cleared your throat awkwardly, “Is that why you’ve been so passive-aggressive with him lately?” Jay said nothing as he moved to the end of the table to retrieve two pairs of chopsticks.

“Don’t worry about whatever small fight we’re having,” Jay said, giving you a close-lipped smile as he handed you the bowl of food that you’d been supposedly craving. “We’ll get past it soon. We’re just like brothers… and it’s a small misunderstanding.”

Gently, you blew on the food before you brought a mouthful to your lips, humming as you chewed. He was probably right. The boys had had small arguments and miscommunications before, and it never took them extremely long before they made up. They loved each other too much to fight for that long. And they probably already had separation anxiety from each other, like you did. You always felt guilty whenever you were mad at one of the other members. At first, anger would drive your actions and thoughts, but the culpability would never be far behind, and you were never able to hold a grudge or stay in a fight for more than two or three days.

Maybe you forgave people too easily, or maybe you just had the blessing of empathy.

“Well,” you started, stirring your food around with the metal chopsticks. “If there’s anything I can do, please let me know.” Jay grinned at you, his mouth full of the hot bibimbap.

“Just don’t forget about the rest of us, okay?” He reached over and instinctively, you leaned back, dodging his touch. “Relax, you have sauce on your mouth,” he laughed and you tried to do the same as he wiped the corner of your lips with his thumb. Something in your chest sped up.

Your shocked expression must’ve been extremely amusing to the older male because as he slipped the thumb with the gochujang sauce into his mouth, he couldn’t help but laugh again.

You shouldn’t have listened to Jay.

While he almost always knew what he was talking about, somehow having just a bit more wisdom than the rest of you and not hesitating to use it, apparently, he had no idea that this whole scenario was worse for Sunghoon. You had left the subject of his growing tensions with Jay to rest, figuring that you were doing the right thing by letting them fix things on their own. Especially after your interaction with Jay in the kitchen.

You had slowly begun returning to your old ways of spreading your time out equally with all of the members. Eating breakfast with all of them instead of hole-ing yourself up in your room with Sunghoon and going out with the members one-on-one. Not to say you were ignoring them in the first place, you still had been with them for the majority of your days, but having the opportunity to connect with them on a personal level again was making a part of you feel whole again. It was weird to think about. Your heart was already so full and content when you were with Sunghoon, and you knew that being with him was more than enough for your happiness. But that happiness increased tenfold with the rediscovered relationships of you and your other members.

You hadn’t even noticed that you’d somewhat been isolating yourself with Sunghoon.

But apparently, this sudden change in your everyday routine was enough to send him over the edge.

The two of you had yet to sleep in separate beds since you got together, and it had become a nightly ritual for the two of you to get ready for bed together. It was an intimate way to end the day and being with him calmed all of the worries and stresses that you’d dealt with for all of the hours that you’d been awake. Laughing with him was so easy and it was adorable the way he’d sit on the closed toilet while waiting for you to finish your skincare.

And as you both entered the bathroom, you found yourself repeating that same phrase that had become your mantra for the past week: something was wrong.

He was quiet as you slipped on your headband and he stayed that way as you brushed your teeth, waiting for you to spit in the sink so he would have the space to do so as well. You studied him as you stood straight, left hand holding your hair back so you wouldn’t get any toothpaste in it. Sunghoon’s face was devoid of any emotion. Blank. But his eyes held a kind of annoyance that you’d rarely noticed before.

His movements were sharp with agitation as he turned the water on to wash the brushes, and you didn’t miss how he bit the inside of his cheek. You gaped for words. The last thing you wanted to do was make him even angrier, and considering you had yet to see Sunghoon this angry without him even saying anything, you weren’t quite sure how to comfort him. You weren’t that great at comforting people in the first place. Once again, you never really knew what to say, but that was what worked so well with you and Sunghoon. He never knew what to say either. You would hold each other and only share words to explain after your severe emotions had passed like the worst of a storm.

This didn’t feel like that. It was almost as if he was waiting for you to say something, to provoke him. He’d been bottling up his frustration with the rest of your members for so long that he was ready to explode. And at that moment, you knew he wanted to explode at you.

“What’s wrong?” you finally asked, voice meek. No eye contact was made as Sunghoon sighed deeply, not even bothering to lift his head in your direction.

“Nothing.”

You wanted to groan, to roll your eyes at his stubbornness, but you reminded yourself to have patience or nothing good would come from this conversation. “That’s not true, Hoon… I love you and if something’s bothering you–”

“Do you?” You looked at the back of his head, face scrunching a bit in confusion. Before you could say anything he continued, “Still love me?”

“What?!” you half laughed, which you immediately regretted. “What is this nonsense? Why would I not love you, Hoon.”

His hands on the sink shook a bit and he closed his fingers around the edge to stop the jittering. “Why have you been– have been avoiding me all week?”

“I haven’t been avoiding you,” you instantly denied. “We’ve been doing everything we normally do–”

“No–” he cut himself off, clearing something in his throat and for a split second it almost sounded like he was choking down a sob. “We haven’t had a meal with just each other once. I don’t think we’ve had a conversation for this long since Sunday and do you remember that coffee date we were supposed to go on yesterday?”

Your heart dropped and the tears came almost instantaneously.

How could you have forgotten that?

“That’s what I thought,” Sunghoon laughed, sounding watery as he finally pushed himself away from the sink to face you. Your stomach was made of wet sand and you couldn’t bear to look at him. “And you skipped it–” he was blinking harshly now, one of his index fingers pointing at you. “To watch a movie with Jay.”

You were crying now, tears making little streams down your face and you reached for your boyfriend. He pushed your hands away quickly.

“Hoon at least let me apologize!”

“No! You don’t even deserve to be the one crying right now!” He was shouting now and the loud sounds made you shrink back from him. He didn’t even acknowledge it. “I’m the one that deserves to be upset! The guy that has a crush on my girlfriend convinced her that she was neglecting everyone else when she was just neglecting me!”

You shouldn’t have listened to Jay. He had lied to you.

“Sunghoon I didn’t know, please–” You tried to take hold of his face again but he caught your hands, refusing your touch again. “Jay doesn’t like me! And even if he did, I love you. Not him–”

“It doesn’t matter!” Your wrists shook with his movements. “It’s too late. I was stupid to think that I would get to have you to myself when you act like that all the time.”

“Act like what?” you spat at him. Your faces were inches apart now and you could see that a few trails of water had slipped from Sunghoon’s own beautiful eyes too. The urge to wipe them away and kiss his face almost overpowered your growing exasperation.

“Like you’re their girlfriend too! Like you would choose them over me!–”

“Sunghoon stop it!”

You tugged your hands away from him, fed up with how he wasn’t actually listening to what you had to say. An uncomfortable silence found its way into the bathroom like a ghost. Only then did you realize how quiet the rest of the dorm was too. Which meant that everyone had probably heard you and Sunghoon fighting. Great.

He huffed, irritation clear even in the small action.

“Have some respect.”

His shoulder hit yours as he pushed past you to the bathroom exit, swinging the door open without a second glance back. You could only listen as his footsteps made their way down the hallway and a door slammed loudly after they’d slowed to a stop.

You needed to get out.

In a much quieter fashion than Sunghoon, you slipped out of the bathroom and made a beeline for the exit. And to your confirmation, Heeseung, Jay, and Jake were sitting in the living room, not muttering a single word as you stormed past the room to the door. You didn’t even feel their eyes on you as you tossed on a random pair of slippers and tugged on a coat that probably wasn’t even yours.

“YN-ah, wait!–” one of them finally called, although you weren’t sure which one it was since you were outside in the cold before they could say anything else.

Something inside of you must’ve disconnected as you walked down the driveway and along the street, not sure where you were going, but it felt so good to be by yourself for once that you didn’t really care. But as you left the neighborhood and entered the portion of Seoul that was maybe a few miles away from the dorm, you were back to thinking.

And the question that stood out among the rest was: why was your best never enough? Why didn’t people understand that you were trying?

Then the sobbing started. Your hands gingerly found their way to your elbows as you hugged yourself to try and find some comfort in the cold weather. Part of your brain tried to alert you that you were an idol out in public with no bodyguards, crying and out after 9 p.m. on a Saturday, but your heart and eyes didn’t listen. Your steps had decreased in speed and you were now shuffling along the sidewalk.

Exhaustion wasn’t far behind you. The strength of which you’d been pouring your feelings out had taken a toll on you, and as you hiccuped for the final time, a headache settled in. And after that, reality followed.

Everyone was probably worried about where you had run off to. Considering you didn’t have a phone, they had no way of reaching you until you decided you wanted to go back to the dorm. Which, honestly, you didn’t have a problem with. While being comforted was always welcome and a majority of the time necessary to truly calm you down, you realized that this moment to yourself was another thing that’d been missing from your life for weeks. Your brain finally had a moment of silence for itself, and as the late January wind blew across your maskless face, the coolness was refreshing.

Alone time had always been important for you. For your social battery to recover, for you to feel like yourself, and for you to not lose your wits. But in this lifestyle you’d chosen, it was rare for you to be left by yourself. Your members often understood that you needed a second to breathe to function properly, but for the past week, you’d been so busy trying to give your attention back to them that you’d been ignoring your own needs.

If only you’d recognized that, maybe you wouldn’t have forgotten about your date with Sunghoon. Or you could’ve realized how everyone else was feeling.

Out of the corner of your eye, you saw a metal bench, devoid of any people. Your feet were tired as you brought yourself over to the seat and plopped down, muscles relaxing instantly at the chance for rest. The fresh air was doing wonders for you too. Focus was seeping back into your head and with each inhale and exhale, your headache began to dissipate. Gently, you closed your eyes, not even bothering to worry about if anyone saw you. A freshly debuted idol who already had a decent amount of fame, with dried tears on her cheeks sitting in the middle of a random strip of stores.

Naturally, after you’d taken yet another moment to cool off and regather your emotions, the first thing you thought about was Sunghoon.

Making up with him was the first thing you needed to do when you got back. Apologize for the mistake you’d made and hope that he would forgive you before you both went to bed angry at each other, which was something your mother had warned you to never do in a relationship. You knew that he was an understanding person who was truly sensitive deep down. Especially when it came to people he loved. Sunghoon’s first impulse was to protect. And that applied to both those he cared about and himself.

His lashing out at you was just one of his ingrained reactions to defend himself from hurt. And you hated that you had made him feel that way. You’d hurt him.

You also knew that you both were very mature people. After all, you had to be considering the industry you were in. Talking to him was often all he asked for. He didn’t need gifts or ornate gestures as an apology, just a way to speak about things so you both could understand what had happened and how to properly deal with it in the future.

This pondering had strangely made you feel a bit better. A small lightness in your chest made you feel hopeful that this would all be nothing but a story to laugh at within the next few days. Or probably weeks. This first fight was something you needed to be careful with until both you and Sunghoon had wholly moved on from it.

You had no idea how long you’d been gone, but you didn’t want to head back anytime soon. Nervousness or anxiety about seeing your boyfriend again wasn’t what kept you perched on the chilly iron of the bench. Rather, the opportunity for you to reconnect with yourself and be at peace–

“YN!”

That would’ve never lasted that long considering how you might as well have just run away.

“YN,” Jay repeated as the sound of his voice got closer. He sounded out of breath. Slowly, you opened your eyes back up.

Puffs of air left his mouth in clouds of steam, thanks to the below-freezing weather, and he had to take a moment to presumably calm his racing heart before he was in your personal space. His arms gripped you tightly, fingers digging into the skin of your waist as he buried his face in your neck. The angle was awkward, considering how he was bent over strangely to embrace your sitting figure, but he ignored the slight stiffness that came with it to hold you. To relieve himself that you were there and you were okay.

The best you could do with your arms pinned to your sides was clumsily pat his right hip.

When he pulled away, hands shifting to grip your biceps almost painfully, the worry in his deep brown eyes had become something more displeased. You were already predicting what scolding would leave him.

“What were you thinking?!” You simply blinked at him, vision flicking around his face, taking in his pink cheeks and slightly runny nose and irises filled with intenseness. Your lack of response only spurred him on further, “Leaving without saying where you were going, without any of us for protection, without saying if you’re okay–”

“I’m fine.”

“God, you have everyone worried sick! Jungwon-ie had to call Sejin-hyung and now, everyone’s out looking for you… You have to be more careful, you could’ve gotten mobbed or– or kidnapped or even killed!–”

“You sound like my father,” you pouted. He huffed out what must’ve been a fake laugh as he turned his head to the side for a split second before taking the spot next to you on the bench. “And I don’t think anyone is trying to kill me.”

Jay looked back at your face, “I want to kill you right now.” He pulled you into his side, tugging your head to the space between his neck and shoulder. “Don’t do that again or we’re gonna have to lock you up or something.”

His bad joke drew a small giggle out of you. You felt his tautness lessen at the sensation.

“I’m serious, YN,” he said and his tone reflected his words almost a little too perfectly. “We heard you fight with Sunghoon and you were clearly upset–”

“I’m fine,” you repeated, fighting against his hold as you tilted your head back to look at his face. “I just couldn’t stay in that house.”

He frowned. “You could’ve talked to us though,” he said, and the hurt he spoke with made your heart clench for the millionth time that night with contrition. “You can trust us with anything. The last thing I want you to do is feel uncomfortable around me.”

You decided to ignore the change of subjects.

“I don’t want to sound selfish, but I really couldn’t.” You sighed, weight releasing from your shoulders as you cuddled back into Jay’s side. His chin rested on your hair. “Not when you guys were what we fought about.”

A beat of silence. You were really getting tired of that.

“Sunghoon-ie’s a wreck,” Jay finally said.

You didn’t know what to say, “I am too.” At some point, your breathing pace had synced with his and you enjoyed the sensation of being so connected to someone. “I hate fighting with him more than anything, it's just– I don’t know, it just feels so wrong… Does that make sense?”

Jay nodded against the top of your head.

“I know the feeling.”

You hesitated before continuing, “Hoon said something…” You trailed off and Jay repositioned himself again, leaning the two of you further back on the bench. “Never mind.”

“What?” he pushed.

“He said something about you liking me.” And with that, the pressure of agitation grew in the body against you once more. Cautiously, you drew yourself away from Jay. He didn’t fight you.

Jay’s face was stoic and you struggled to read whatever emotion he was experiencing. “When I told you you didn’t have anything to worry about, I meant it,” he said plainly. Your nose wrinkled and your eyebrows drew together.

“What?–” But Jay was pulling out his phone, dialing what you assumed to be your manager and therefore, a car to take you both back to the dorm. You didn’t stop him, tired of the night you’d had and the wide range of emotions you’d been put through.

In mere seconds a black SUV pulled up in the street beside you. Jay got up first, offering you a hand and you took it, him helping you off the seat and over to the vehicle. He opened the door for you, and you muttered a small “Thanks” as you clambered inside.

The cushioned seat was welcome after sitting on the hard material of the bench for so long, but the way that no one said anything in the short ride back to the house wasn’t. That alone time and silence that you’d longed for earlier was now making you twitch with discomfort. Where was the Jay that joked with you? The one that made you feel so much like yourself? In the pale moonlight that shined in through the car windows, he looked princely despite the dark circles under his eyes and ruffled hair. He didn’t move his eyes from watching the scenery pass by outside and you concluded that he was in deep thought about something.

As the car pulled into the driveway, your manager in the front seat gave you one final warning about leaving the house unsupervised and left the conversation with a good night. You said nothing. Opening the car door with more strength than you probably should’ve you hoped out and slammed it behind you, not waiting for Jay as you stomped up to the front door. You weren’t sure when your anger had returned, but you took it out on the keypad of the dorm, Jay coming to watch you mess up the code twice due to your annoyance which only shortened your self-restraint. After the second time, he reached around you to enter the four numbers and opened the entry for you.

Six other bodies rushed to you when you walked past the threshold and your hands shot up to try and block your body from the impending embrace. The last thing you wanted at that moment was to be touched by more than one pair of hands. Thankfully, Jay came to your rescue for one last time that night.

“Give her some space,” he said, shooing Jungwon away from your left side. “Let her go see Sunghoon-ie.” The whisper was meant for just Heeseung, who’d been the one standing closest to the hallway that contained all of the bedrooms.

The eldest nodded. “He’s in your room,” Heeseung said.

“Thank you,” you offered delicately. “Good night.”

“Night.” He shuffled to the side and you walked past them without a second thought, the only thing on your mind being your boyfriend.

The sharpness of their gaze on your back prickled your nerves as you reached for the doorknob. Composure was something that lacked as you creaked the door open just enough for you to slip through, shutting it behind you swiftly.

Sunghoon was curled up on your bed, facing the wall and with the way his shoulders were heaving, you could tell he was crying. He looked like a small child. It made your heart ache.

You toed out of your shoes, having forgotten to take them off at the front door and softly, you tip-toed over to the bed.

“Hi, Hoon,” you said as gently as possible, sliding your right hand over his arm as you used the other to set yourself down on the small space left on the mattress.

His head snapped to look at you and to your confirmation, his eyes were red, tears still brimming on his waterline.

“YN-ie…” Your other hand found the side of his head as he pushed himself up into a sitting position. His bottom lip quivered, “I’m sorry.” And then it was his turn to sob as he pushed his head against your stomach. Sunghoon echoed the words again. Then again. Then again, like a mantra. All you could do was curl over him, pressing your lips against the back of his neck and whisper reassurances against his skin.

“Breathe, Hoon,” you said, trying to get him to settle down. “Breathe with me. Please.” And then you were breathing in slowly, counting to four, and then exhaling in the same way. On your fourth deep breath, your palm on his back rose in time with your own lungs. Eventually, his whimpers stopped.

Your crewneck was wet now, but you didn’t care. Having him here with you, in your arms again as you comforted him was the only thing you could concentrate on.

“I thought you weren’t gonna come back,” Sunghoon finally said.

You cooed a bit at his words, “Nothing would stop me from coming back to you.”

His eyes peeked up at you from his place on your lap. And then in a blink, his forehead was against yours, his hands pulling you closer to his upright body, chest against chest. Sunghoon opened his mouth, getting ready to apologize. You kissed him before he could.

You were desperate as you both continued to pull each other as close as physically possible, tongues intertwining as a way of saying: “I’m here”. As much as you wanted to keep kissing him, there was no way you two could make up correctly if you did so. You pulled away to look at his puffy face, eyes and all. Your thumbs stroked the area under his lashes, wiping off the tears.

“Don’t you dare apologize.”

“I want to, though,” he said quickly. “I shouldn’t have yelled at you or– or said any of those words because I didn’t mean them and they didn’t help anything–”

“I forgive you,” you interjected. “I’m at fault too. I’m sorry that I didn’t notice how you were feeling, and I’m sorry that I forgot our date.” You both exchanged a weak laugh. “I didn’t mean to ignore you and I promise and I swear and I vow, cross my heart, all of it… That I won’t do it again.”

“I highly doubt that,” Sunghoon protested, but he was smiling softly. You adopted the same expression. “But I know that you’re going to do everything in your power to try and not to.”

You nodded furiously, “You’re going to get sick of me asking if you’ve gotten enough attention.”

He chuckled, “I’m sorry if I’ve been keeping you from spending time with the others. And I’m sorry that I made you feel bad about it.”

“We’re both trying to figure out relationships,” you said. “And how to balance them with our friendships… But we’re gonna work it out together.” Sunghoon stared at you intently, his whole attention on you as you spoke. “We aren’t done talking about this, but I am not mad at you.”

He cut you off, “I love you.” That last piece of concern in your emotions eased.

“I love you.”

The next morning you and Sunghoon had spent quite a bit of time talking everything through. Him sharing his worries about his possessiveness and how to get better with it and you sharing how his words did hurt you, but understanding his point of view and how you weren’t completely innocent in the situation. By the time the group was ready to leave for Enhypen’s schedules for the day, you and Sunghoon had successfully made up from your first fight, and the rest of the members (apart from Jay) had given you a small scolding on how much you’d scared them the previous night.

The rest of the day was easy. Finally, you’d regained your attentiveness to the group’s preparation for both the last of the award show performances as well as already the next upcoming mini album. You’d felt like yourself again as you laughed with Sangmi and Riki during your dance practices and gladly took the spot next to Sunghoon during the meeting you’d had that day to discuss future content. It was the recurring theme for the week, you finding yourself again, but it was welcome. Strangely enough, you hadn’t even realized that you’d become the persona of “Just Sunghoon’s Girlfriend”. Fitting that side of you while maintaining all of your own hobbies and relationships was something you could now feel yourself getting better at. And it only made you more and more joyful.

Sunghoon was happier as well. It was easy to tell with how he was reaching for time with the others now, and with his growing ability to share his troubles with you. Despite the changes in your relationship with him, for the better, many of your old habits stayed. You both still went on multiple dates a week (at least one of them being at a café), spent the nights together, slept on each other during car rides… the list went on. So it wasn’t abnormal for the members to find you both curled around each other on the couch when your list of to-dos for the day had been completed.

You were relaxed into Sunghoon’s side, legs thrown over his lap and talking his ear off about some cartoon you used to watch when you were little that he’d never heard of when Jay came into the living room.

“YN-ie,” he said, interrupting your chattering and causing both you and your boyfriend to look over in his direction. Jay was standing next to the front door, parka on and a black beanie hiding the majority of his still bleach-blond hair. “D’you still wanna learn how to cook?”

You nudged Sunghoon’s head with your own and peered over at him. He was still smiling, not a hint of discomfort on his face as he bumped your head back.

“Go,” he whispered to you. “I’m fine.”

“Are you sure?”

“Jay-hyung, you're doing me a favor,” Sunghoon suddenly spoke up. “Maybe by the time you’re back she’ll be tired of talking about Gravity Falls.”

You gasped and smacked Sunghoon’s chest lightly, “I’d never get tired of talking about Gravity Falls.”

He grabbed the hand that had just hit him and stuck his tongue out at you. You used your free hand to try and swat at his face but he just barely dodged you, swiftly taking hold of your right hand too. Sunghoon puckered his lips at you, “Kiss.”

“No please?”

“Please?–”

“Oh my god, get a room,” Jay said from his spot by the entryway. At his words, you leaned over and gave Sunghoon a quick peck before you were clambering off his lap, Sunghoon yelling out in faux pain as you did so.

“Is the car already here?” you asked as you approached Jay, him already holding a coat open for you to put on.

You turned so your back was facing him, and he helped you pull on the outerwear. “Yeah, so say your goodbyes.”

“Does this cooking involve me never seeing anyone again?” you joked, tugging your hair free from the space between the coat and your neck. Both of the boys laughed.

“Depends on how long it takes us to get these groceries,” Jay responded, opening the door for you as you pulled on your shoes.

You sighed, “Okay, okay. Bye, Hoon! Love you!”

The phrase was repeated back to you as you and Jay exited the dorms. The ride to the store market Jay had picked out was shorter than you thought it’d be and before the two of you could get too deep into your conversation, he was already helping you out of the car and starting along the vendors, bodyguard following closely behind the two of you.

“What are we making?” you questioned after passing by a vendor that was making Odeng for a couple that was wearing matching jackets. The sight made you wonder if that’s what you and Jay looked like–a couple.

He interrupted your thoughts, “Atlang.” You furrowed your eyebrows as your mouth dropped open a bit.

“Fish egg soup?”

“Don’t give me that look,” he said, barely moving his eyes to look at you. “You’re acting like you don’t breathe and sleep sushi.”

He had a point there.

“So I’m guessing we’re here for the fish eggs,” you continued.

“The myeongnan–” you rolled your eyes a little at his fancy terms, “and the gochujang paste. We have the vegetables and spices at home–”

“On your left!”

You were in Jay’s arms before you could process something whirring past you in a blur. His jacket was plush and cold between your fingers as you gripped onto him tightly and you were grateful that you hadn’t tripped over your own feet and taken you both down to the cement. A dryness caught in your throat when you recognized how close Jay’s face was to yours. Your brain felt empty as you stared at his warm brown eyes that seemed strong and ever-growing–his attention focused on the scooter that had almost just run you over.

That sudden adrenaline that always came after a close call never appeared in your veins, though. Because the only thing you could sense as you pulled him closer, hanging on tight and taking in the woody perfume that he’d been using lately, was calmness. Centered. Security. Surprise, at the fact that you were feeling these things.

“Idiot. Who rides a scooter in the middle of a marketplace?– God…” And then he was looking at you and that calmness was replaced with a rush of dopamine and the adrenaline you’d been waiting for. “Are you okay?”

Your tongue barely darted out to wet your lips as you stared at his own.

“Mhm,” you softly hummed and you were back on your feet before you could finish the sentence and process what was happening.

“Good, let’s go.”

What? At his change in attitude, you felt out of breath. Nonetheless, you followed him.

The rest of the shopping trip flew by. As the two (three, bodyguard– duh) of you strolled along the stands and vendors, searching for what you needed, you couldn’t help but get distracted by some of the items. A necklace that you didn’t have the money with you to buy, a scarf that you would’ve loved to give your sister for Christmas, and some delicious-looking tteokbokki that Jay wouldn't let you get.

“You’ll ruin your dinner!”

“Please! I’m starving.”

“That’ll make this meal that much better!”

Begrudgingly, you’d given up on the street food and thankfully, not much longer after that, you’d found the last thing you were looking for. With the staff that’d come with you holding the bags, you whispered to Jay about how your feet hurt.

He squatted down almost instantly. Grinning widely, you’d climbed onto his back, wrapping your arms around his neck. But then his hands curled around the backs of your thighs and it was all you could think about. For the walk back to the car, his fingers digging into your skin and making you feel warm. In an attempt to hide your heated face, you hid it in his neck and somehow, Jay didn’t complain about how your breath tickled his skin.

Your mouth was so close to him. You wondered if he tasted as good as he smelled. If he would like it if you kissed that birthmark that was just under his jaw. That mark was so adorable–

Once again, your feet were being placed back on the pavement without you noticing it. Your hands moved slowly away from Jay’s neck, down his back a bit and then they were retracted immediately after you processed how inappropriate it was for you to be touching him like that. Especially when you had a boyfriend. Jay didn’t seem like he cared though, and if he did, he didn’t say anything.

He still opened the car door for you, helped you in, and made you laugh on the car ride back. Easing the thoughts you had of whether he saw how you’d been acting or not. It was almost happening unconsciously, the thoughts and longings that you usually only had with Sunghoon. And the guilt you felt about it was heavy, considering how Sunghoon had shown how bothered he was about you acting like a girlfriend to the other members. To your shared friends.

Everyone had apparently headed off to their respective rooms by the time you and Jay re-entered the dorms. Night had barely fallen so you figured that they were all taking a moment for themselves before you and Jay called them out for dinner. After removing your outerwear, Jay and you headed into the kitchen, him carrying the groceries as you slid along the tile in your fuzzy socks.

“Haul time!” you cheered, jumping around the edge of the island so you were on the side that was with the stove.

Jay chuckled, “First…” he took something out of the bag. “The gochujang paste!” You let out a small ‘yay’ as you took the container out of his hands, placing it on the counter. “And lastly…” he revealed the package of myeongnan!”

“Whoo!”

“‘Whoo’ is absolutely right,” he said as he joined you on your side of the room, opening the fridge to store the marinated pollack roe. “Everyone should be grateful that we’re making them such a high-quality meal tonight.”

“Maybe I’ll just watch you make it.”

Jokingly, you moved away from him, hands gliding behind you on the cool surface of the island. As expected, Jay’s fingers circled your wrists before you could get too far and you were being pulled back to him.

“Nice try,” he laughed and you frowned. “You’re a big girl and you can help me make dinner.”

Well, you weren’t going to argue with that. Especially when his voice sounded a bit deeper than it usually did.

Nervously, you separated your touch from his to tuck some of your hair behind your ear. “Fair enough. What do we start with?”

“Washing your hands,” Jay said, tilting his head back towards the sink as he moved to rummage through the cupboards for the utensils you’d be needing.

You nodded, “Makes sense.”

The hot water was borderline scalding on your hands, but at that point, you were willing to try anything to remove the electricity that Jay left behind on your skin.

Cooking when you were doing it right, and with someone who you enjoyed spending time with, was surprisingly easy. You had thought that it would require more precision, exact measurements and stirs and timeframes, but Jay made everything look so natural. He told you that almost everything could be done with your instincts and a little bit of guidance from the recipe and he was absolutely right. It was effortless to relax after you gained a bit more confidence in your movements and the jokes and conversation flowed as a harmony with the quiet background music Jay had turned on at some point.

Everything was done cooking sooner than you’d thought it’d be and you were almost disappointed that your time alone with the older male was almost up for the night. Trying not to dwell on the collapse of contentedness, you continued slowly chopping up the last of the vegetables that would go with the altang.

“Ah,” Jay said from behind you and you looked over your shoulder to see him approaching you. “That was the other thing I wanted to fix.”

“What part of me are you trying to fix?” You laughed.

He smiled as he shifted so he was standing directly behind you, “Your cutting skills.”

The hardness of his chest pressed against your back and your nerves seized and you dropped the knife onto the cutting board at the sudden closeness. Frozen was the only way to describe your movements as Jay silently reached his arm across your body, one hand delicately taking hold of your right hand to turn it over while the other retrieved the knife. Only his soft breathing was against your ears as he placed the handle back into your grasp, his fingers arranging your own to hold the blade in a certain way.

The rise and fall of your lungs slowed. You felt dizzy, like his nose brushing against the shell of your ear as he peered over your smaller frame was putting some kind of spell on you. Focusing on the task at hand felt impossible as he somehow got even closer, arms practically wrapped around you while he adjusted your other hand. His fingers looked so large compared to your own and the sight of him effortlessly bending your knuckles so you wouldn’t cut your fingertips off only intensified that dizziness.

Maybe this was too inappropriate for a girl who already had a boyfriend but at that moment you couldn’t find it in yourself to care. Your love for Sunghoon was so strong and you thought that there was no possible way it could’ve been matched, but there was something else growing in your heart that made those conclusions falter.

Jay had always been there for you, had always been the one to take care of you, and was the one noticing the things that no one else did. You’d always appreciated him, been grateful for the way he treated you like a princess, but you couldn’t help but recall recent times when he’d been a bit too assertive over others when it came to you. Him calling off the other boys when you ran out of water during practice, saying you would share with him. Him sending a glare to anyone who’d enter the beauty room while you were getting ready with him being the one keeping you company. Him indirectly trying to get you to spend less time with Sunghoon and more with the other members. Including Jay himself. Little things, but now, in this intimate position you couldn’t help but think they had a different meaning.

Overwhelmed, you set the knife down, Jay loosening his grip on you to let you do so safely.

“Jay…” Your whisper could barely be heard over the hushed music, but he still hummed after you said his name. Hip brushing against his, you carefully turned around. Jay’s hands didn’t move from around you, his hands resting on the edge of the counter. You were caged in against him.

His eyes were so pretty. You couldn’t read the look in them, your brain too cloudy and his intense stare almost made it impossible to maintain eye contact. But you might as well have been hypnotized. The brown of irises was so warm that you could only think of chocolate and how badly you wanted to drown in them.

You weren’t sure who kissed who first.

Jay could’ve leaned down or you could’ve risen on your toes but it didn’t matter because his lips were finally moving against your own.

It didn’t take long for his mouth to crash against yours and you think you might’ve whimpered as his tongue found its way between your lips. Subconsciously, her hands roamed under the hem of his shirt, discovering the firm muscles of his lower back as his tongue explored your mouth. It was a kiss that was meant for lovers behind locked doors, not in a dimly lit kitchen where anyone could walk in. Jay deepened the kiss even more, which you didn’t think was possible, and only then did you realize what you were doing.

Your hands that had been lovingly holding him to you were abruptly pulling him away from you, knowing that now he should be as far away from you as possible. Jay stumbled back at the tugging against his white t-shirt, hitting the edge of the stove and causing the pans placed on the border to clatter back towards the middle.

“Sorry! I’m sorry!” you gasped, hand shooting up to your mouth.

Jay shook his head, “No, it’s okay. I’m okay. Are you alright–”

Now your own head was moving side to side hard enough to cause a dull pain behind your skull. A tear fell despite you not even realizing that they had begun to well up.

The guilt that was creeping up inside of you made you feel physically ill, unlike anything you’d ever experienced before. You felt horrible, you were horrible. You were a horrible girlfriend. God, how could you keep making mistakes like this when Sunghoon…

“Sunghoon…” you sobbed, hand against your mouth shaking as you processed what you’d just done. Jay was instantly back at your side.

Softly, he took your hand in his and moved it away from your face, holding it in his. “Shh– shh… I’m sorry, I’m sorry. We can talk to him and explain–”

“Explain what?” you cried in a manner that was perhaps a bit too loud. “That I– I– cheated on him?” You couldn’t get enough air in your chest. You were going to puke. There was a steady thumping under your palm.

Jay lifted your hand to his chest, letting it rest on his heart and feel the slower pace at which he was breathing. “You need to breathe, YN, you’re having a panic attack.”

Closing your eyes, you let a trembling breath escape your lips. And as Jay’s chest rose, you took a deep breath and exhaled as he did so. Repeating the process was easy, but opening your eyes to Jay’s saddened face made your heartbreak and guilt build up all over again.

“I–”

“You guys okay? Thought I heard something break,” Heeseung said from the doorway. Neither of you said anything, Jay just kept looking at you as you turned your vision to the floor.

Clenching your fist tightly, you let the pain of your fingernails digging into your skin distract you from the pain in your heart and you cleared your throat. “Yeah, we’re fine. Dinner’s ready.”

You pushed away from Jay, wiping the water from your cheeks. Keeping your head down, you brushed past Heeseung, beelining for the bathroom you used most often since you figured that was the only place where no one would question why you were crying. You burst into the room quickly, shutting the door behind you as quietly as possible.

And for the next hour, you laid on the bathroom floor, the coolness of the tile on your face keeping you present. Keeping you thinking about how you hated yourself for kissing Jay. Hated yourself for liking it and loving him.

All of the progress you’d made in your relationship with Sunghoon had been ruined in under five minutes. All of the self-love that was beginning to return to you had been ripped away the moment you’d decided to kiss Jay back. And if the avoiding you’d done with Sunghoon before you both got together was bad, the way you were avoiding Jay was borderline criminal. You’d thrown yourself fully into your relationship with Sunghoon, making up your mind about how if you gave him more love it would cancel out the tiny mistake you’d made. The huge mistake you’d made.

It had only been two days, but the time that’d passed felt like an eternity. There was no way you’d be able to keep your actions with Jay a secret for much longer. You told Sunghoon everything. He was your best friend, your person, and you rarely kept things from him. Usually when you messed up, you and he would be able to open up and share how you were feeling and how to make it better. But you knew that if he ever found out about this, he would never forgive you. It was wrong to keep something like this from him, but you didn’t want to lose him.

But you didn’t want to lose Jay in the process either.

And that was exactly what was happening. You liked to think that you took your time to process things and think your options through when really, you would put decisions off to avoid the consequences of them. Ignoring Jay almost every time he tried to speak with you and never allowing yourself to be alone in a room with him was hurting him. You could tell that much. With the way the shine that was in his eyes when he would see you would dim when you would pretend like you didn’t hear him. The way you’d stop coming to him for help with things. You knew you were making him feel unneeded and unwanted, but you couldn’t dare pick between the two boys.

Because you were in love with both of them.

The thought still didn’t seem morally correct to you, you weren’t sure if it would ever feel socially acceptable either, but it was true. Your coming to terms with your feelings for Jay were much different than your experience with the ones for Sunghoon. You weren’t able to embrace them fully in fear that both boys would leave you if you played your cards wrong or said something that would set them both off. And it didn’t help that they both had possessive tendencies.

So you turned to Sangmi, one of the only people you could trust with this information.

“You like both of them?” she’d asked, removing the sheet mask that you’d both been doing in the soft lighting of your guys’ room.

You nodded, “Love. I think I love both of them.”

She pursed her lips and puffed her cheeks out, focused on folding her mask. After a moment, she’d thrown it into the trash can, almost missing so the skincare hung over one of the sides of the gray plastic.

“I don’t know what to tell you, babe. I can’t say I’ve ever been in that position–”

“Just tell me what you would do.”

“But I can’t,” she had sighed. “Because we’re each our own person. Just because I would do something one way doesn’t mean you should do it as well.”

You whined and slumped over onto her lap. In a comforting manner, she threaded her fingers through your hair, scratching her nails lightly over your scalp. “I’m stuck! I don’t think I would be able to live without either of them…”

“First of all, you definitely would–” Your groan of annoyance cut her off and she giggled. “Second of all, from what you’ve told me, they love you too.” Her voice had gotten quiet. You straightened your spine back to an upright position and locked eyes with your best friend.

“You think so?”

Sangmi had hummed in agreement, “Talk with them. If they love you as much as you love them, then they would be willing to do anything to be with you. To make you happy.”

“Even sharing,” you sighed as you flipped around and rested back down on her folded legs. “That’s so much to ask of a man, though. One can’t even stay loyal to one girl most of the time.” Your hands flopped to your side. “How am I supposed to ask for so much from them? One girl and two guys? No way that could ever last.”

“Not with that mindset,” Sangmi laughed. Her face grew pensive and while you waited for her to continue, you stared at the white ceiling. “I think that you’ve always made love out to be trickier than it actually is–”

“But sometimes–”

“Sometimes there are exceptions, and this whole kiss thing with Jay-oppa might be one of them, but YN-ie–let yourself go for once.”

You looked down at your hands, folded over your chest, rising and falling as you breathed.

“I just feel like every time I do that I mess up.”

“You’re human. Humans mess up all the time but you’re never going to get anywhere if you don’t take a risk.”

You bit your lip, “Maybe you’re right.”

Sangmi shrugged, “I tend to be.”

“Or maybe you’re just feeding my delusions– Hey!” You squealed as she threw one of her pillows at your face.

“I’m never giving you advice again,” she said, sounding like a stressed mother. You giggled.

And now, swallowing your pride, your feet padded against the smooth tile of the living room as you approached Sunghoon after claiming that you were going to use the bathroom. When really, you’d spent a good four minutes in the space mentally preparing yourself for this difficult conversation.

“Hey,” you said, a smile on your face as you found your spot right next to him on the couch again.

Sunghoon turned off his phone, watching you approach him with his own dazed expression. “Hi. How was the bathroom?”

“As awesome as ever.” You sounded nervous. Nervous was an understatement. You were pretty sure you were shaking. “Um… I actually needed to talk to you about something that’s been– um, bothering me for a couple of days.”

Sunghoon’s eyebrows knitted together and he nodded slowly, “Yeah, what is it?”

“So…” you started, shifting onto your knees so you were closer to eye-level with him. “I’m not really sure how to say this but um… the other night, when Jay-oppa and I were cooking we… um…”

Sunghoon tilted his head to the side, narrowing his eyes a bit at you. “You what?”

“We kissed,” Jay said from the doorway, entering the conversation just like he did the night Sunghoon and you were speaking of.

Afraid, you glanced back at Jay, who looked angry, then at Sunghoon, whose face was blank. Your heart dropped. Their reactions were exactly the opposite of what you’d been hoping for. But they were exactly what you’d been expecting.

You waited for one of them to yell at you. To call you a horrible name and say you were disgusting. For Sunghoon to break up with you, for Jay to say he regretted ever kissing you, but neither of them said anything. And that only scared you more, but you had no idea what to say.

Finally, Sunghoon clicked his tongue against the roof of his mouth, and his eyes zoned in on Jay. Then he was standing up and your vision followed him, uncertain of what he was going to do.

“God, man, what do I have to do to get you to back the fuck off from my girlfriend?” He laughed bitterly and you felt frozen once again, just like you do in every conflicting situation.

Jay scoffed, eyes shooting back and forth between you and Sunghoon, “She kissed me back. And you know, I think she liked it.” The last part was a whisper and you couldn’t help but let your gaze fall to the floor as both boys let the sight of you looking pitiful on the couch be the center of their attention.

Embarrassed, you nodded.

“Well, then what do we do?” Sunghoon said, his anger creeping into his tone. “Because you’re clearly trying to ruin my relationship with her–”

“YN’s not completely innocent in this either!”

“I’m right here!” you yelled, fed up with how neither you nor Jay were refusing to take responsibility for the situation and for how Sunghoon wasn’t accepting that you cheated on him. “And if anything, this whole thing is my fault. Not yours.” You looked at Sunghoon as you also stood up, pushing away from the couch. “Or yours,” you said, eyeing Jay.

You blinked back tears, trying to remain strong.

“Because– because I’m in love with you both. And I feel disgusting saying it because you both deserve someone that will love you both how you deserve and–” Sunghoon’s arms were around you before you could finish your sentence. The only words you could repeat were “I’m sorry” as Sunghoon soothingly hushed you, hand resting at the back of your neck as he held you close to his chest.

You felt another pair of hands travel around your sides as Jay wrapped around you both, effectively surrounding you from every free space. Sunghoon’s cheek fell onto your head and Jay’s chin ended up on your left shoulder. Their scents, the warmth of their skin, and the feeling of their heartbeats was enough to ground you again and you found yourself calming down as you weakly encircled Sunghoon’s middle with your arms.

“Okay, I’m okay,” you said, getting a bit overwhelmed with the tightness you were enveloped in. Both of the boys backed away hesitatingly, and you took a spot on the couch again. Sunghoon followed suit quickly as Jay stood next to your side in front of the furniture.

“Sunghoon-ah, I’m not trying to destroy your relationship with YN-ie,” Jay confessed. “You’re important to her and… and you’re important to me too.”

With a confirming nod, Sunghoon accepted the elder’s words.

“I’m in love with her too,” Jay added and his words made your heart practically stop. Your eyes felt a bit too wide to be normal and he stared down at you with a small smile on his lips. “And I want what’s best for her and clearly, that’s you.”

“We shouldn’t have kissed, Hoon,” you joined in, turning to face your boyfriend. His elbows were resting on his knees as he took in what Jay and you had to say. “And I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you, and apologizing for not telling you about it right away, and I’m sorry I didn’t say that I was falling in love with Jay sooner because– I love you so so much.”

“I don’t know what to say,” Sunghoon admitted after you finished speaking. “I don’t think I’m really that mad, actually just more sad that you felt like you couldn’t tell me.”

Reaching for his left hand, you carefully took it into your own. “You mean so much to me, Hoon. I didn’t want to hurt you–”

“It does hurt,” he said and your bottom lip trembled a bit. “You aren’t forgiven yet, but I’m not going to break up with you.”

Hope lit through you, you could practically feel it seeping out of your pores. “Really?”

“I love you,” he said simply. “And I know you love me. But I know that you love Jay too–”

“I don’t want to make you uncomfortable,” you said, squeezing his hand tightly. “I’ll do whatever makes both of you happy.” Glancing back and forth between them, you continued, “If that’s not being with either of you, so be it–”

“Absolutely not,” Jay laughed. “Do you know how hard Hoon here had to work to get you to date him?”

Sunghoon sighed, “That’s not the point.” You stifle a giggle at the irritated look he sent Jay. “Let me finish. It’s going to take a lot of work, for me and Jay-hyung, but I’m okay with… I don’t wanna say sharing, that sounds wrong, but, if being with both of us is what you want…” he cocked his head to the side, eyes swimming with a varied mix of emotions. “Then I’m okay with it.”

“So what… You’re suggesting I date both of you?” you asked, eyebrows furrowing. Peering over your shoulder, you locked eyes with Jay, who also looked like he was in deep thought. “If you want to, Jay-oppa.”

A few seconds passed before Jay answered, “We’ll have to take things super slow. And Sunghoon-ie and I are gonna have to figure out how to get over our jealousy, but yeah. Let’s do it.”

You didn’t even try to hide how overjoyed you were, a grin proudly present on your face as you practically jumped on Sunghoon, peppering kisses all over his face. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I love you so so so so so–”

“Okay– okay! Calm down, princess, I love you too,” he chuckled. You pulled away, gazing sweetly at his eyes before leaning in to kiss him. Nothing deep, just a long peck on the lips before you withdrew from Sunghoon and turned to Jay.

“C’mere,” you said, reaching for him. He complied, smirking a bit as you tugged his face to yours, giving Jay his own peck on the lips. “I love you.”

Jay gave you a peck on your cheek, “I love you.”

“Okay, that’s enough for now,” Sunghoon said. His hands drew you back to his chest and tucking your head under his chin protectively.

“I don’t get to join in on the cuddles?”

“No. Just me. Remember you guys need to make it up to me for kissing before we agreed on… whatever this is.” Sunghoon’s hair was silk-like between your fingers as you twisted your arm up so you could play with his locks.

Laughing, you patted the spot next to you on the couch. “You can sit next to us, Jay. I’ll play with your hair too if you want me to.”

Jay seemed to brighten again. He was leading your hand to his head as he laid down on the cushions, head falling on your lap. Sunghoon complained a bit, but after a few kisses, he finally settled in.

You knew you all had a lot of work to do, but with both of them laughing and being there with you, that feeling of fullness–of being complete, you’d been searching for for so long returned. Permanently. Happiness would be easier every day as long as you had both of your boys by your side, just like this.

마리셀의 노트 , thanks to miss lana del rey for giving me the motivation to finish this😓 I’ll try to be faster with writing in the future but I am in school so that’s my first priority!🌷🩷 please don’t be afraid to ask me stuff / interact with me! and thank you for all of the support🥰💕💋

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