#humans are space oddities

[even-any-explain-bit]

#guitar #kuromi #treasure planet #orange #humans are space oddities #my gifs #doki doki literature club #hanbin #blackbonnet #roleplay #lily evans #viking barbie #buy my videos #wall art

[jpitha]

Between the Black and Grey 35

First / Previous / Next

Fen looked at the racks and racks of clothes in the store and sighed.

When Northern said that Fen 'owed her' she had no idea that part of paying that back was going... shopping.

Starbase Picaresque was an old, old station. Built around first contact with the K'laxi, it had undergone many different iterations. A science station, a seat of colonial government and even a bullwark in a few wars, these days it lead a much more... touristy life. Fine dining, shopping, and all inclusive entertainment were what it was known for these days. Out on the border between human and k'laxi space it was also where the closest Gate to human space was.

Such a nexus naturally lent itself to a comingling of sapients. When it was just the humans and k'alxi, there was an unusually high amount of integration. These days many different peoples call this place home, though most of them are here to work at all the different venues that are hosted.

Northern loved clothing. Fen had no idea when she first signed on because she packed so lightly, but as they settled and continued to work together, Northern's clothing hobby grew. Fen was much more of a practical, hard wearing clothes person, so this was a new experience for her.

Zhe was more interested than Fen was, and Picaresque had more than ample supplies of haute k'laxi fashion, so both of them were able to meander from store to store, eyeing outfits that would have made Fen's eyes water at the price when she lived at home.

Northern came out of the dressing room clad head to toe in a ball gown made of iridescent feathers. Fen had no idea what animal produced them, or even if the animal was real, but she shone when she walked, and as she spun, the long dress flashed and sparkled. "What do you think?"

"It's very... bright" Fen squinted as Northern spun again."

"Eeee, it's amazing Northern! Are you going to get it?" Zhe's tail swished as she squealed in joy.

"I don't know. I love it, but when would I wear it? It's not like we go out to dinner very often."

"We'll just have to start going out more, that's all!" Zhe said. She was carrying two or three bags of her own. She had already purchased two outfits and three pairs of shoes.

As the women talked logistics of how to use luxury gowns, Fen looked longingly towards the exit. As she did, she noticed a commotion outside.

There were a group of 5 women talking and gesturing animatedly. "Come on Meredith! I've heard of this place! They're supposedly the best in the outer colony worlds!" One of the woman, with long brown hair pointed at the store Fen was dying of boredom in.

"All right Emery, let's go see what they have and if it can even compare to Ganymede." said the woman in the center of the group. All of them wore similar outfits - uniforms really - though the young woman in the middle was wearing jewelry that was much more expensive. Fen had an eye for jewelry. Even growing up she was able to tell the cheap stuff from the expensive. It gave her a leg up when people asked her about stuff 'they found.'

The women poured into the shop and started talking all at once. Immediately Fen could smell the alcohol. If it was just another wine-soaked party it was one of a higher class. Stores like this tended to cater to people who spent a yearly salary on one outfit. Northern walked over to Fen and watched them, a robotic tailor shuffling after her and trying to fit the dress while she was still wearing it. "Who are those people, Fen?"

Fen shook her head. "Just some group of rich women day drinking I think. They have Sol accents. Probably out on a girl's weekend or something. The one in the middle is wearing very expensive jewelry though, check out that necklace she has on. That sapphire could probably buy a frigate."

Northern narrowed her eyes as she watched them stagger around the store. "Shit." She grabbed Fen by the shoulders and turned her around and marched her back to Zhe. "We gotta go. Now."

"What? Why?" Zhe was halfway dressed into a similar gown as Northern, but with a more k'laxi flare. Another tailor kept weaving as Zhe moved around.

"That's the Empress." Northern hissed.

Fen turned back to look at them. "Don't look at them!" Northern's voice rose. Fen turned back. "What? Her? The rich girl with the short hair?"

Northern nodded vigorously. "I'd bet anything that's her."

"Zhe peered around Northern. "Who is with her?"

"Some kind of honor guard or something. They probably are all super soldiers or something."

Zhe's tail flicked. "Are you sure? They look like party girls. They also look drunk."

"What?" As Northern turned to look at them again, she saw one of them taking a large drink from an unmarked bottle. The drinker passed it to the Empress who took a healthy belt of the beverage as well. "What the fuck?"

"Ancestors look at that dress! It's unbelievable!" Before they could react, the women came up to Fen and Northern and Zhe.

"Did you get that here?"

"What are those feathers?"

"Is that custom? It fits you so well!"

"Do you want to go shopping with us?"

Fen blinked. "W-what?"

One of the women nodded. She had hair that was half shaved and te rest combed up. She looked very rakish. "You three are cute, and you clearly have good taste. Well, except your bodyguard here-" she pointed at Fen "-but I won't hold that against you. Come shop and drink with us. My name is Alina, and this is is Kerry, and this is Emery, this is Tina she's Meredith." Alina pointed to Meredith, who was getting fitted for a dress by now.

"Uh, sure, okay." Fen said. Northern elbowed her in the ribs.

"Fancy! Come on. Meredith says she knows of the best place to get dinner. We were on our way there when we saw this place."

The ladies swarm Meredith while she gets fitted, offering suggestions and compliments. Northern crowds close to Fen. "Why did you say yes?" she hissed.

"I-I... don't know. If she's the Empress, maybe we should get to know her better."

"Fen you have an Empress Nanite package. Who knows what happens if you two get together. Who even knows if she still has hers. What do you think will happen if she finds out you have Nanites?"

Whatever happens, it will be interesting

Ugh, quite you. She thinks. "We're just being polite. We'll go out to dinner, get the bill picked up by the Empress of Sol, and be on our way. It'll be an experience. A story we'll tell over drinks."

"Also, she's pretty cute" Zhe adds, back in her regular clothes. "You think she's single?" She gasps "Do you think she likes k'laxi?" Her fur ripples a blush "Do you think she'll like me?"

"Easy there Zhe. Don't go trying to sleep with the Empress of Sol just yet. You haven't even met her officially." Northern laughs. "Though, it would be perfect if the Empress wound up dating a k'laxi. They are notoriously... xenophobic these days." She shrugs her shoulders. "You know what? Fine. We'll go to dinner and talk to them. It looks like only two of them are armed, and it's just concealed pistols. Heavy weapons aren't allowed on Picaresque anyway, so there is only so much damage they can do. She must be here unofficially because nobody had made any changes or attempts to bow and scrape."

"What?" Zhe looks confused.

"Zhe, if she's the Empress, then she should have like-" Northern gestures weakly "- a whole flotilla with her. Dreadnaughts, Super Dreadnaughts, honor guard, battalions of soldiers, nobles, all that kind of stuff. Just her and 4 ladies getting day drunk while shopping isn't very... imperial. Maybe she's just here quietly to try and not be Empress for a little while."

"So we should not admit to recognizing her?"

"Nah, we're just going to act like she's a normal ultra rich person with some friends."

"Northern, if you recognized her, surely others did?" Fen watches them continue to try on clothes, piling their purchases on top of the patient arms of another tailor bot.

"Maybe. But I imagine that half of the recognition people would have is of the pomp, not the person. By herself, she's just another young woman. I bet she isn't as recognized as you think. Also, anyone who does recognize her is probably worried about what would happen if they pointed it out. Her mother was... notorious about that kind of thing."

"What kind of thing?" Zhe looks up at Northern.

Northern makes an old gesture. She sticks out her thumb and draws it across her neck.

"Oh."

"Yeah, so. watch yourselves around her. She might be nice... or she might be nice until we say something she doesn't like." Northern frowns slightly. "I dont' like it."

They exit the store and stand around while Meredith and her crew finishes shopping. They come out a quarter hour later with almost as many bags as Zhe and Northern have. "Come on, it's this way" Alia signals as they start walking.

She leads them down the promenade towards the common area in the front. In Picaresque, the common is a large garden with a unique blend of Earth and K'laxi plants. There are subtle barriers to keep the Earth plants from taking over, but it all looks very natural and integrated. At Meredith's direction, Alina leads them towards a very elegant looking restaurant at the edge of the common. Fully half of the restaurant is in the common, open tables and booths interspersed among the plants, trees and water of the common. Alina and... Kerry heads up to the maître d' and speak to him in a low voice. Kerry gestures back towards the group and his eyes widen in surprise. He quickly nods and snaps his fingers.

Out of seemingly nowhere, three servers appear carrying a large table already set with a white linen tablecloth. They bring it out to a corner of the restaurant and slide the already existing tables and chairs out of the way. The evening is young and the restaurant isn't full, but they do have to shoo a few guests away towards another part of the restaurant. The maître d' clucking apologetically at them as they're settled elsewhere.

Before any time at all passes, the table is set with seats and table service for everyone. As they sit, the sommelier appears with a cart clinking gently with bottles. He presents a list - real, actual paper - to Meredith and she looks it over with a critical eye. She discusses a few things with the sommelier, and he nods solemnly. He looks up and makes eye contact with the maître d' and two more carts of wine are immediately brought out. A selection of 4 bottles are put on the table and opened. Meredith is poured a small sample which she sniffs, swirls, sniffs again and takes a tentative sip. She smiles broadly and the sommelier visibly relaxes. He leaves a cart of bottles next to her and wheels the other two away. Servers pour the wine - quite a healthy pour if Fen is any judge - and they all take a drink.

"To new friends!" One of the hangers on - Tina maybe? - toasts. Everyone mumbles agreement and drinks. Northern is very delicate with her sips; she told Fen she can eat and drink, but she doesn't like it much. Zhe demures as while the alcohol won't hurt her, the other compounds in the wine absolutely will and Fen takes a healthy sip. It's sour and fruity and dark and tastes of berries and dark chocolate and really is quite good. By the time she puts her glass down, Meredith is pouring another and her friends are most of the way through theirs as well.

Dinner is... an extended affair. It seems that Kerry told them who they were dealing with - if not outright saying she was the Empress then at least impressing how important she is - and the restaurant went all out. No menus, purely a menu based on the best ingredients the chef had as well as things for Zhe to eat, artfully prepared on fine china plates. More wine is poured as needed and Fen takes care of Zhe's glasses and eventually, Northerns and by dessert she's quite drunk.

"Tell me Fen, what's it's like being a mercenary?" Tina is staring at her, with her hands on her chin. Her eyes are deep and her cheeks are flushed. Is she blushing or drunk? Fen can't tell.

"s' not so bad. Lotsa assholes in the galaxy, and they need us to do something or other. Mos' of the time we're just bringing shi from one part of space to another. Somtimes people, sometimes boxes." Fen takes another sip of her wine, and Northern frowns - Fen didn't see it though. "Pays all right, and s' not tha hard. Bettern where I was before though."

Meredith perks up. "Oh? Where were you before?"

Zhe and Northern snap to Fen. "Oh, I was on some shihole station way out in Gren space. Grew up in a k'laxi family, had a wife, the whole deal." Fen's face darkens. "Then she was killed by some gangsters and I got the hell out of there. Guy helped me out too, but then dumped me into an escape pod outside Minaren. I wish I could see him again. Everything worked out, but man oh man was I pissed."

Fen looks around at everyone and takes another gulp of wine. As she puts her glass down, she sees someone walking behind the group in the common.

It's Gord.

"Holy shit! GORD! You shithead!" Fen jumps up out of her chair, knocking it over and launches herself over the elegant topiary as Gord looks up at his name being called in surprise.

Fen is too drunk to connect, and crashes into him bodily.

#humans are deathworlders #humans are space orcs #sci fi writing #humans are space oddities #humans and aliens #jpitha #writing #humans and ai #humans are space capybaras #humans are space australians #Between the black and gray

[injuries-in-dust]

I don't know why, but I like the idea of humans being to aliens, what cats are to humans...

Alien1: hey, when did you hire a human?

Alien 2: we didn't. They just wandered aboard one day, saying they wanted to "hitch a ride." Then they never left. I think they like it here.

Alien 1: the human distribution system has chosen.

***

Alien stares at the human, who has climbed up a very high shelving unit.

Alien: Human, get down before you hurt yourself.

The humans response is to climb higher.

***

Alien is secretly filming their human, who is spaced out and just staring at nothing.

Alien (whispering): I think the human is about to intercept the brain cell. (Laughter) don't worry human, if it tingles that means it's working.

#funny #humans are space orcs #humans are weird #adorable #cute #humans are space australians #humans are space oddities #humans are space cats #feel free to add to this

[nopennyallthoughts]

One thing that I am 100% convinced would send an alien into cardiac arrest is sweating.

It sounds stupid but think about it: apart from horses, humans are the only species on earth that can sweat so it's not a far stretch to believe it would be incredibly rare in extraterrestrials as well.

Just imagine, one day the AC in the main engine room is broken and everyone starts panting like crazy because of the heat, but the human? Just keeps working like usual? It's not like they aren't affected by the heat at all, but they aren't breathing quite as hard as the rest and everyone thinks ahh yes, humans must have extreme durability to heat coming from that death planet. And then. The human starts melting?!?? And suddenly everyone is panicking because their human is leaking all sorts of important nutrients, metals and water out of every pore - are they dying? Surely this cannot be normal!

And the human has to explain that, no they are perfectly healthy and yes it is actually just the human body's way of cooling itself down and no they don't think it's "the coolest thing ever!!", wait till it starts to smell!

#humans are eldritch horrors #humans are space orcs #humans are space oddities #humans are deathworlders #humans are space australians

[jadedanddark]

Telepathic aliens enjoy that humans will "play music" for hours at a time. When it's too mentally quiet on deck, they just announce the catchiest song titles they know and the humans will start thinking about it automatically.

The humans hate this so, so much.

Zorf: Human Steve, can you please play that song I like, the one with all the females

Steve: what

Zorf: A little bit of Monica in my life

Steve:

Steve: mother fu--

#humans are space oddities #aliens #song stuck in head #mambo number 5

[stubz]

I saw a bunch of humans are space orcs, and humans are feared by aliens, etc. and want to add to it.

Kid centre for all alien children/younglings run by humans.

-"Human Kim! Are you all right? Do you seek medical aid??"

"I'm okay! ...why do you ask?"

"You just got bit by Zyz! I'm so sorry, I've told him to not do that with others but-!"

"Hey, it's okay. Look, these things happen and I know that's just your species' way of showing affection. Just tell him to ask next time and to not bite too hard."

"... 'these things happen' .... 'tell him to ask next- human Kim has this happened to you before?!"

"Oh lots of times! I used to work at a daycare on earth before this. Now, you wanna talk about bites let me tell you about Penny, she was a biter. So was my nephew but that was him stimming. I just asked that he get my attention first so as to not startle me."

"Is this the same Penee who gave you 3 stitches?"

"Yep."

-"Human Kim, thank you for helping Pollix become comrades with the other younglings! May I ask how you did it so I may use it in the future?"

"Of course! It wasn't anything special really, we just wrestled which caught the attention of the other kids and soon enough they were cheering for Pollix to win. Then after that Xw and a few others asked Pollix to teach her how to wrestle as well." they finished with a smile.

"YOU WHAT!"

"I-I thought play wrestling and fighting was encouraged among young tighalax. I am so sorry if I did something wrong-!"

"Human Kim, you could have DIED."

"...huh?"

"Tighalaxes have what you call drugs in the points of our tails and one cut should drive you insane. Not only that but we, as younglings, should be nearly twice your body weight. And at this age have yet to control our strength!"

"Ooh so that's why I felt high! Phew! I thought I accidentally ate my weed muffin instead of the regular one, and we can't have that."

"You felt 'high'?"

"Yeah but only for 10 minutes, luckily I usually just get tired and relaxed when high. And for the weight strength part, I grew up babysitting all of my younger siblings and cousins. My child carrying records are 5 4-6 year olds, 4 7-12 year olds, 3 teenagers, and 2 childish giants who are somehow 21 this year."

"...any chance I can bribe you to quit and come work for me and my pack?"

#aliens #humans are space oddities #humans are space orcs #the adventures of kim and max running a space child care centre

[skritzzy]

I feel like any aliens that were prey at some point in evolution would have an odd fear of humans. Mostly cause they look like predators, act a bit like predators, and ARE predators. One perfect example is when we're focused on something like a mosquito that's been bugging us for a long time and we are just done.

Alien: "What. What..?"

Human: *HUNTING down a mosquito it saw*

Alien: ".... yeah I am really uncomfortable...."

Human: *quiet footsteps, pupils dialated, intense focus,*

Alien: *WAR FLASHBACKS*

Human: "Found you." *absolutely desimates the mosquito, squashing it into a million pieces as it's guts and various body parts liquidize into blood of the bloodthirsty, now stained on the palm of the human. A living being now reduced to a useless corpse as the human wipes the remains on their pants*

Alien: "I feel like I've just gained trauma."

#inspired by the hill of mosquito corpes i've placed on top of the fridge #aliens #humans are space orcs #humans are weird #humans are space oddities #space australia #humans are space fae #humans are space australians #humans and aliens

[kurara-black-blog]

I just love the "they're more scared of you than you are of them" thing because, yeah, Earth is a Deathworld filled with very dangerous beings, but also everyone in it is scared and would rather not interact with each other unless necessary

Alien: This is a very dangerous animal!

Human: Don't worry, we'll just walk away.

Alien: But it's watching us!

Human: It's hoping we leave already, so we're leaving.

Alien: It... It is?

Human: Yeah, it is more scared of us than we are of it. Let's go before the fight instinct kicks in because then it'll become a dangerous animal

Alien:...

#humans are space fae #humans being humans #humans are deathworlders #humans are space oddities #humans are space orcs #humans are weird #humans are space australians

[mercyraph]

Humans are weird

Have yall noticed how we somehow have strange aversions towards lights?? Like maybe not all of us, but we kind of know that if someone is sitting in the dark, you either leave them or join them. Like last night, I walked into class and there was just one guy there and the lights were off so i just sat down, 30 minutes later everyone else was in and the lights were still off. Only turned it on when the professor came in...

So like imagine aliens finding us huddled in a dark room, with our phones and what-nots, silently laughing at something we read, maybe there are other aliens with us who doesn’t really like light but we don't know that cus it's dark and also we didn't bother to check. Then one crewmate just turns on the lights and we all collectively hiss like a vampire or hide like bugs, so they just turn it back off and stumble blindly into the room until they find—feel through whatever they came for and leaves. No one ever mentions it.

#humans are deathworlders #humans are space oddities #humans are space australians #humans are space orcs #humans are strange #humans are space fae #humans are weird #human #humans

[brainrotwriter]

I don't know if anyone said this before, but, I think the one thing that would put the fear of an alien god into an alien would be just how territorial humans are.

Humans generally have small territories tightly packed against others, sometimes even on top of each other. They are social creatures, after all, and seem to enjoy inviting each other to their territories that might even contain other species!

So, you would think they would welcome other visitors, right?

Wrong. Humans are wildly territorial to the point even something as harmless as a fruit fly is murdered on sight. Then, surely they must allow other predators that repel such creatures, right? Wrong again, even 'useful' ones likes spiders are shown no mercy.

Alien: I apologize but I'm struggling to grasp this concept. You said you killed that arachnid as there was a possibility it could come in contact with your sleeping quarters. Doesn't your feline companion frequent there? I'm sure it couldn't do more damage than an apex predator?

Human: Uhh, okay let me rephrase that; it isn't about coming in contact with my stuff. It's about me allowing it. Mr. Pickle Jar is allowed to be here and touch my things, that spider isn't. So, it needs to die.

Alien, writing DO NOT TOUCH ANYTHING UNLESS SAID OTHERWISE in big bold letters in the notepad: Ah, I see. Thanks for sharing.

#humans are space orcs #humans are weird #humans are space oddities #Sure tumblr this can be a writing prompt why not #writing #writing prompt

[sugarcoatednightshade]

Humans are space orcs/Earth is a deathworld concept I haven’t seen brought up yet:

On earth, there is no such thing as a true herbivore. As far as I know, every animal will eat meat if given the chance. Hares have been known to scavenge dead animal carcasses in the winter, when food is scarce. Wild sheep and deer will eat grouse and seabird chicks to supplement their diet. A couple years ago there were videos going around of horses eating live birds. I won’t link it, but you can look it up on youtube if you want.

The point is, every animal on earth is an omnivore if they’re hungry enough or lacking certain minerals in their diet. Even if they aren’t built for it, herbivores will eat meat to survive.

I wonder if that makes us unique. Imagine an alien race invading earth, only to be horrified by what they find. Mice killing and eating their own young. Domesticated cows eating carrion. Seemingly docile species becoming engulfed in bloodlust. I wonder if this is the reason earth was written off as a deathworld, because everything on it is able and willing to eat other animals alive.

#earth is a deathworld #humans are deathworlders #humans are space orcs #humans are space oddities #earth is space australia

[jpitha]

Vocal Mimicry and Ear Worms

Every time the drink machine finished, it played a little song.

It was pretty simple, less than 10 notes, but it was the same song, every time.

It wasn't even that it played the same song every time. It wasn't even that everyone on the ship - except the humans - got a drink from the machine.

The song was catchy.

Peg started it. She just found her self whistling the "drink finished" song one day. "beep beepita beep beep beep beepita beeeeeeep." She couldn't help it.

Then, Kelly picked it up. The song worked its way into her head too. She'd be working at her station and suddenly she'd be struck by an intense need to sing the song.

After about three cycles, every single human on the ship was singing it. Normally, this would be chalked up by the rest of the crew as "just another strange Human thing" but the problem was that it was the 'drink finished' song. Everyone onboard was conditioned to want to go get their drink when the song was done.

The humans could mimic is perfectly.

"beep beepita beep beep beep beepita beeeeeeep."

Captain Flowing River Rapid's feathers fluffed in irritation. Two people on the Command Deck got three quarters of the way out of their seats before they realized what they were doing and sat back down, sheepish. "Desmond! What have I said about mimicing the drink finished melody?"

Desmond ducked his head at the reproach. "Sorry Captain River, I couldn't help it. It's just so catchy."

Captain River clacked his beak. "It wouldn't be so bad if not for the fact that you can all mimic the sound so well."

Desmond turned and looked at the Captain. "What? We are? We're singing it, but it doesn't sound exactly like the drink machine."

The Captain pointed at Desmond accusingly. "Don't deny it! You're all singing the song at all times of the cycle! You know that everyone thinks a drink is ready when you do it. You sound exactly like the machine!"

One of the Sefigans who got partially up from their station nods quickly, their antenna bobbing. "Captain River is correct, Des. You all really sound a lot like the drink machine. How are you doing it?"

Desmond shrugged. "I mean, we heard the song, and it gets like, stuck in our heads. Singing it feels like one way to get it out. Plus, it's fun to sing Kel. Fun to make sounds."

Kel's wing covers clack. "Can you mimic other things?"

"I don't know Kel, I don't really think of myself as a mimic. There are others who can do it much better than me. Some humans made a whole career out of it."

"That sounds like a thing I human would do, yes. But what about your Des? Let's see...." Kel looks down at their station. "What about this?"

Kes runs a test for the collision alarm. It's a warbling rising and falling tone."

Des thinks for a second and sings - for him - a pretty close approximation.

Captain River gasps and leans back in his chair. "How do you do that?"

Desmond wails. "It wasn't even that good! I just heard the tones and repeated them."

Kelly entered the Command Deck just then. She was carrying a pad and her overalls looked stained. "Captain River, I've just come to report tha-"

"Kelly! Mimic the collision alarm"

"What? Um.." Kelly makes the same noise."

Now, everyone on the Command Desk gasps. Kelly is taken aback and looks at Desmond. "What's going on Des?"

Desmond sighs. "They say we're all mimics. It started with the drink machine."

"Oh that. I still can't get it out of my head! 'beep beepita beep beep beep beepita beeeeeeep.'"

Kes starts to rise from his seat again and catches himself, and sits back down swearing.

#humans are deathworlders #writing #sci fi writing #jpitha #humans are space oddities #humans are space orcs #humans are space australians #humans and aliens #humans are space capybaras

[injuries-in-dust]

There's the urban legend that some japanese companies will hire a "loud American." A person who is just there to voice complaints to the boss when others cant.

I had an idea today that alien ships might hire "The Human!" A person who is just there to just stand there and looks like the be the big, tough, indestructible threat of a being that the galaxy knows humans are.

Doesnt matter who the human is. Big or small, male or female, a tough soldier or more gentle than a newborn. They just have to be present and let the reputation of humans speak for itself.

Is the captain trying to enforce an unpopular regulation on the crew? Ask The Human to have a private meeting and voice the complaints.

Trying to sell some goods but the buyer wants to renegotiate the price to be more unfair to you? Ask The Human to be there at the negotiating table.

That jerk at the bar keeps pestering you with their mating display, because they want to be the one to fertilize your eggs wont take no for an answer? Ask The Human to escort you back to your quarters.

Not sure if the neighborhood where you're making the delivery is a safe one? Just ask that lovely human if they wouldnt mind putting down their crochet and coming with you. They might be extra thrilled if you mention they could take their pet with them, for a walk.

#funny #lol #cute #humans are space orcs #humans are weird #humans are space australians #humans are space oddities

[nerdybluephoenix]

Alien: Why do you do that? What does it mean?

Human: Do what?

Alien: The verbal sound. "Um" and "Uh"

Human: Oh! Well, sometimes when I'm trying speak, I need to a moment to process. It's a pause while I think.

Alien: Why don't you just say nothing when you pause?

Human: Oh! Um...

#I had to do a mock interview for class an hour ago #and yes using “um” was brought up it always is #Added this tag after the replies as a just in case: I'm not against saying um I actually hate when I'm told I can't say it #humans are space orcs #humans are weird #humans are space australians #humans are space oddities #space orcs #aliens #humans are so weird #outer space #galaxy #funny

[ixylle-d-from-the-stars]

Deathworlders everywhere but in Space

This is sitting in my brain because I haven't seen anyone else do this, but take a second to think about this: There are other deathworlders in space, terrifying ones, huge monster orc things. They are massive and nightmarish and impossibly strong. So thats why humans stand out. Thats how we survive. Human's are terrifying because we aren't built for one biome, one climate or even one planet. We aren't necessarily the strongest or fastest or scariest looking, but we're built to survive fucking everything. What if other deathworlder's are almost always only made to survive in one climate? (similar to some of the most deadly predators on earth currently) All the other deathworlders are terrifying, yes, but the second they step off their planet they're weak. Massive aliens of hulking muscle but their planet's gravity is a lot lower than the standard, so they barely meet the average strength bar whenever they go outside their gravity zone. Aliens that have venomous spikes all over their body and look gnarly as shit but their venom has practically no effect on 99% of discovered intergalactic species. Deathworlders whose planet is the nether from minecraft IRl, but they can't survive in any other temperature for any amount of time because their body just can't handle the cold and regulate their temperate (or, vice versa for tundra species). Aquatic species that are kraken-like nightmares, giant sirens and deadly squid-like beings. But they can't leave their home at all, because theres a very specific chemical makeup of their water that isn't currently found within their life-span distance travel. Deathworlders that genuinely can barely survive off planet and are frail compared to even the most docile prey species whenever they have to travel. Their called deathworlders because going to their planet is certain death, but if they leave they'll be meeting death just as quickly. And then along come humans, and everyones like, oh, another deathworlder, nothing to worry abou- wait. These guys dont seem to loose any of their natural strength off planet... and their fast and strong... and- AND THEY CAN SURVIVE IN PRACTICALLY ANY CLIMATE IN THE KNOWN UNIVERSE??? HELLO? Oh and of course their predators. Of course most of their planet is completely uninhabitable for most of us. Mhm, yep. thats fair. Totally Basically, deathworlders are a thing, the more common 'terrifying alien monster' type, but their harmless because they can't survive like everyone else. They can't thrive like humans can. It scares the shit out of everyone for a wholeeeeee while, after all, no one ever expected a deathworlder that doesn't die.

#humans are space orcs #in your orbit #humans are terrifying #humans are deathworlders #humans are amazing #humans are space fae #humans are weird #humans are space australians #humans are space oddities #humans #weirdos #deathworld #earth is a deathworld #lol but not for us #writing #writing thoughts #possible future sbi oneshot? #maybe? #i have no clue if i worded any of this right

[niqhtlord01]

Humans are weird: Cats

Alien: Thanks for inviting me over. Alien: I’ve never been in a human’s home before so this will be- *sees cat sitting on couch* Alien: What is that? Human: That is Fred. *Turns to cat* Human: Say hi Fred. Fred: *MEOW* Alien: I was not aware you had a roommate. Human: What? Human: No, he’s my pet. Alien: You keep a sentient being as a pet? Are you a monster? Human: No; but Fred is. Fred: *MEOW* ----------------------

Alien: *goes to sit down, accidentally steps on fluffy ball* *Cat’s head shoots up* Human: You need to run. Alien: What? Why? Human: You just stepped on Fred’s favorite toy. Alien: So that means I am in danger? Fred: *low growling sound* Human: It’s too late….. --------------------------

*Thirteen stitches later* Alien: How can something so fluffy be so angry!?!?! Human: Domestication probably. Alien: Is that not meant to breed out the violence? Human: Normally yes, but with cats it just condensed it. ------------------------

*Next day* *Door slowly opens* Alien: Is it safe to come in? Human: Let me check. *Picks up Fred and holds him in front of alien* Fred: *Low growling noise* Human: No it is n- Alien: *Slams door shut quickly* ---------------------

*Two days later* Alien: *Sipping drink* Alien: What can I do to win over your furry slave? Human: First off, he is a pet not a slave. Human: And even if that was the situation I technically am Fred’s slave. Alien: *Surprised* You are one of the most advanced species in the galaxy; having mastered space travel and the manipulation of matter itself. Human: And yet I am the one cleaning up his shits. Alien: *Opens mouth to counter, then sips instead when nothing comes to mind* ----------------------

Human: Why does it matter that you want Fred to like you? Human: I thought you hated him? Alien: Were he not an animal I would have sworn a blood oath to destroy him and his family for what he has done to my face. Human: I ask again; why does it matter? Alien: Because for reasons beyond my understanding I feel compelled to have that little death machine love me. Human: Welcome to being a cat owner. ------------------------

*Three days later* *Door slowly opens* Alien: Are you ready? Human: I’ve got Fred. Alien: And you’re sure this will work? Human: Positive. *Alien walks in and Fred starts growling* Human: Get ready; I’m releasing Fred. *Puts Fred down who begins sprinting towards alien* *Alien holds out tiny tube with goop pouring out end* Fred: *MEOW!* *Stops murder sprint and begins sniffing and licking tube enthusiastically* Alien: So you bribe him with food? Human: Works on us humans as well. ------------------

Alien: Do you think I have won him over? *Fred walks up and brushes against Alien* Human: I think you’re good.

Alien: It felt like being embraced by the goddess herself. --------------------

Alien: So besides eating, sleeping, and acts of disproportionate violence; what else do they like to do? Human: Fred loves to play. *Picks up laser pointer and flashes it around room* *Fred’s head shoots up, does the butt wiggle, then lunges at the laser* Alien: What fascinating technology. Human: Yeah; we also use this to guide missiles for air strikes in wars. Alien: Your pet enjoys playing with tools of death? Human: I think that’s one of the reasons he enjoys it so much. ------------------

Alien: *Looks down at shirt* Alien: What is this? Human: Oh yeah, forgot to mention he’s a heavier shedder. Human: Sorry about that. Alien: Do not worry, for I too shed my skin. *Proceeds to peel off skin until raw muscle and bone is left* *Casually tosses aside empty skin suit which Fred walks over to and cuddles in* Human: Thank you for that fresh nightmare material. Alien: *slurring words due to no lips* Yoooou’re welllllcoommme.

#humans are insane #humans are space oddities #humans are weird #humans are space orcs #writing #original writing #niqhtlord01 #funny #cats #cat owners