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wordsandstrangeways · 7 months

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Tagged by @wishflower4 (I had not done been tagged before because I lurk on the internet like a pond frog)

And I'm gonna tag @makesometime who will likely get far more interaction than I do and may have done it before <3

Rules: Go to your published works on AO3 and list the first fic you ever published there, the last fic you published, any fic that you wrote for a fandom/ship only once, your favorite fic you wrote in the fandom/ship that has the most works, the fic you wish more people read, the fic you agonized over the most, the fic that sprang fully formed from your mind without any effort, and a work you are proud of—for whatever reason.

First fic published on Ao3: A Moment Eternal with @iguanastevens March 2021, just post Magnus Finale when we were sad and got into aggressive poetry battles on RQO

Last fic published: You're my delusion Jarthur Malevolent fic and also my 69th! So.. so it's 69ing.

Fandom/ship I only wrote once: The mechanisms, and I'm not linking it because though it's not terrible it's also not one I like to think about too often, Silver Tongued Devil if you want to go find it.

Favorite fic in most popular fandom/ship: The Magnus Archives is the most popular fandom I've written for and I guess my favourite is A Soft, Consuming Embrace as it was the first true narrative fic I ever published, John wakes up to find the Lonely rushed in to fill the Eye's space.

Fic I wish more people read: Hmmmmm, I'm gonna be cheeky and say the RQBB Fic I wrote with @makesometime: A Chance To Run because I think it's a really solid narrative that is a love letter to RQG and it came at a time when the fandom was waning but I believe holds its own and Zolf and Oscar deserve their gin soaked speak easy. It can also be read as either SFW or exceedingly NSFW based on chapter headings and I think to be able to weave that together in the chapters was really cool of us.

Fic I agonized over: If I were being glib I'd say all of the kinktober fics I've published which can be found in my kinktobAmS series and are for but being serious I'd say I don't have an agenda. This is the final installment of my RQG 18m gap exploration of what's going on in the heads of Wilde, Zolf, Barnes and Carter and Carter's was the final one and it was like pulling teeth. I wanted to get his voice right so badly. I think it went okay.

Fic that popped out fully-formed: Conversely, the first in that series (Say something , do it soon) flowed out of me like water. I adore Wilde in so many ways, I have spent a lot of time thinking about the way he thinks and what motivates him and It's too quiet in this room was like writing down something being dictated it flowed so well

Fic I'm proud of: This is a toss up between Stems of White, Flowers of Green and Lets be flexible about this (both RQG). Writing both I made myself cry, just a little. The heartache of the first (a fic about Zolf's life when Oscar has died and returns to him with the blooming of flowers) felt so poigniant at the time and even reading it now it feels like such a lovely them. The latter is my longest SFW fic and was true labour of love. It actually started with a NSFW idea but it got away from me dramatically and I'm really proud of the twists and turns of it. Zolf in physio after losing his leg meets, surprisingly well put together, yoga instructor Oscar Wilde.

I have no idea if any of these will appeal to anyone, but it's funny to think of my random scribblings out there in the wild(e). Special shout out too to my erotic sonnets (all RQG) cause they make laugh and they're great fun. I should write more of those.

#fic ask #@wishflower4 is amazing you should read all of their fic too #malevolent #rqg #rusty quill gaming #zolf smith #rqg oscar wilde #my fics I guess #gosh this was introspective in a way I hadn't anticipated this morning

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catty-words · 1 year

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"i think the disconnect comes from the way fandom uses words like 'racist' to build cases about how it's Objectively Wrong for anyone to like a certain character" YES omg people say it like its an essentialist part of a character, like they did something shitty?? well that means they are a literal devil spawn and if you like them you are TRASH!!! but like is actually mostly an action (like you said, a BEHAVIOR)???? that people CAN get better and do better??

"giving the time of day to people who aren't engaging sincerely with the text" this is a great definition of what so many people do, i will definitely snuggle with my kitty in my echo-chamber in guilty-free now, thanks

"forced me to sit with that disappointment for over a year." yeah, i supposed i would feel similarly had i watched one season at the time too. personally because besides devi lack of agency, ben is just so off. paxton was the highlight, besides nirmala and aneesa, that made the season worth it, but like... i feel like season 2 ben is just there to suffer from beginning to end, if at least he was less of a victim of devi's cheating and more of a cunt about it i wouldnt feel so sad, but like you said, its like he had no defects that season and i'm like 😭😭 wheres my little shit from season 1? i dont know if i would survive sitting with season 2 ben for a year tbh you are so strong and resilient babe

"you may already know that i'm writing a long-form follow-up with 'bitty spark' acting as the prologue since it sounds like you picked through my blog a bit" i actually didnt cuz i tend to avoid wip fics like the plague unless i'm close friends with the author cuz then if they abandon the work i can just ask where they planned to go with and satiate my curiosity aksjwkajai but now that i know its the continuation of my fave fic of yours i went through the whole tag and i'm like. DESPERATELY NEEDING IT. like you've been working on it for ages frr you poor thing :(( but simultaneously i'm like IF SHE DOESNT POST LIKE ASAP IM FLYING OUT THERE AND PULLING HER FEET AT NIGHT 😡😡

"thank you for fueling my vanity and for stopping by my askbox in the first place!" no thank you for answering my question it was eating me alive, i just wanted to contextualize and make sure you knew i wasnt like a ben apologist who see him as someone who cant do no wrong but when you had questions of your own i just had to answer them pakspksosk and i love to fuel people's vanity!!! you deserve to be vain, you are giving great stories for nothing besides the shits and giggles!!! i have a hard time interacting in tumblr bc of some dumb insecurities but i just really had to answer you, i thought you would just politely and objectively answer my question but instead you gave me an opportunity to sing you praises without all my tumblr-ity baggage so... thank YOU.

this is a great definition of what so many people do, i will definitely snuggle with my kitty in my echo-chamber in guilty-free now, thanks - perfect. give your kitty a kiss on their perfect little head for me.

yeah, i supposed i would feel similarly had i watched one season at the time too. - mm-hmm, and most people i'm friends with in the fandom have similarly been in it since the beginning, hence my curiosity about your own experience. i'll never know what it's like to take in the series as a whole, it very much is divided up into Eras for me, and it excited/excites me greatly to hear someone else's perspective on the shifting tone.

i feel like season 2 ben is just there to suffer from beginning to end, if at least he was less of a victim of devi's cheating and more of a cunt about it i wouldnt feel so sad, but like you said, its like he had no defects that season and i'm like 😭😭 wheres my little shit from season 1? - dkjsbg exactly!!! 'where's my little shit from season 1', SUCH an important question to be asking!!!

i don't know if you read 'start, acceleration' (my fic where ben teaches devi how to drive), but i was in a scramble to finish it before season 2 dropped and, in retrospect, it's so important that i did (literally posted it the night before) because i can't imagine trying to complete it with s2 ben's characterization in my head. i would have been Distraught.

i dont know if i would survive sitting with season 2 ben for a year tbh you are so strong and resilient babe - and like, thank you. i needed this. 😇

but now that i know its the continuation of my fave fic of yours i went through the whole tag and i'm like. DESPERATELY NEEDING IT. like you've been working on it for ages frr you poor thing :(( but simultaneously i'm like IF SHE DOESNT POST LIKE ASAP IM FLYING OUT THERE AND PULLING HER FEET AT NIGHT 😡😡 - motivation!!! this + plus us knowing the season 3 release date - i'm determined to be posting it by then. like, truly no one is more excited to be sharing this fic than me i've worked so hard on it and it is pretty epic tbh......

no thank you for answering my question it was eating me alive, i just wanted to contextualize and make sure you knew i wasnt like a ben apologist who see him as someone who cant do no wrong - definitely no worries there. clearly you have taste because you miss cunt ben when he's gone!! plus, i obviously love discussing this show, so. your ask was a gift.

you deserve to be vain, you are giving great stories for nothing besides the shits and giggles!!! - 😳🥰🥺 thank you

#anon #replies #never have i ever

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lock8key · 2 years

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ˣ characters: Marc Spector. Steven Grant. Jake Lockley

ˣ summary: Jake gets involved with khonshu again and rearranges their deal. Marc wasn’t happy but he learned to live with it. Steven is getting used to having a normal life again and Jake feels responsible for everything.

ˣ tags:. fluff/angst. slice of life, humor

ˣ a/n: i wrote two fics long time ago and posted on ao3, thought i will post it here too and make it into a long one.

Of course Marc wasn't too happy, Finding out about it in The most Gruesome way. after forcing to front and catching Jake in the act. " What the Hell is wrong with YOU?." Marc roared at the man who was calmly responding from the reflection of some shattered glass. Jake’s knuckles white from the force of clenching them shut. No doubt he had nail marks in his palms from pressing so hard. " Answer me damn it-." Jake could only keep calm for so long, however, he slowly began to raise his own voice in a struggle to be heard, never once taking his eyes off the other.

" Shut the Fuck up! ya had it all right in your grasp, practically could ask for more, and ya let it go. Let it slip right through your fingers. ya want to know what the Hell is wrong with me Marc spector? i am trying. trying to get us a new chance! or do ya prefer to live the rest of your life stuck in this mess. having two other people living in your head? because i don't! i want out Marc and i know That Khonshu is making peace with the other Gods." Jake was too frustrated to worry about hurting Marc's feeling, and angrily tossed his hands up while explaining himself. He want out. Marc was taking back by this, he want to be free from Him and Steven.....

Jake's eyes met Marc's again, his voice deadly quiet. " Listen here-" But Marc only shook his head and put his hands on his hips, glaring at him. There was something more going on and he could feel it. this was unlike Jake in so many ways, This whole time after The battle in Cairo Marc finally got the chance to meet and get to know Jake better, To understand him and accept him The way he is. " What?." Marc rised his voice again. " This isn't Good enough for you?." and his voice waver. " were you planning on leaving me and Steven?." Jake was silent because Marc has asked the wrong question, seething at him as his brain struggled to form its thoughts. " Why would ya say something like that.." Marc kept his eye level, trying to understand Jake better. he learned not to use harsh tone with the other two especially while arguing because Marc always find himself hurting them with his cruel words. " i would Never leave you." Jake merely shook his head before glancing down, looking visibly upset but he has To explain himself quick Because now is the time. " Listen, ever since we -we died and Met in... Whatever the fuck that place is! we were there in separate bodies it also means we can be here with too? ..it's basically the same just different realm, right? Gods have the power so why don't we grant our wishes? We deserve it after all the trouble we went through." Jake said, seemingly unbothered by the odd look Marc gave him “ —we can be three instead of one. we will be together just not in the same body anymore — ”

*******************

Marc had listened to him explaning that, unable to hide his interest in spite of his efforts to do so. he knows that theres always something bad in the end of a thread. it wasn't good Enough to get his freedom but now they are sucked right into that mess again? with khonshu of all thing.. they have been Running in a Loop. Thanks to Jake's ideas- And what about Steven?

Oh brother!

*******************

Three months later

Marc's lying on the couch, under a blanket and with a pillow to spare. “whats the time?” is the first thing he thinks to ask, for some reason, because the couch is barely his length and isn’t exactly soft, it should be common decency to use the bed but it's Steven's and he would rather sleep on the floor than steal Steven's space. he already feel like an intruder for yet again living in his flat rent free.

Is that important, most pressing concern? Not really, he remmber Steven was very happy for them to stay around -especially Marc- He swear he likes him more or something? unlike Jake who deliberately piss him off with his consent presence,

Fuck, his back is killing him.

Jake raises his eyebrows. “ And why are ya sleeping on the couch again?” Yeah, that would explain it. “Hmm. Where’s Steven?” Marc ask and slowly pull himself up in a sitting position. his best guess would be out working, or, well—doing shopping. " I don't know, we aren't really talking." Marc grumble at Jake's answer. still not talking since last sundy and its already Wednesday. it's ridiculously getting on his nerves to watch his mates having a fit at each other and for what? Marc would never really Know.

" And What are you doing?."

Jake walk in with a smile. “Trying to make ya something to eat,” he says, with a nod But Marc isn't really gonna ask about this sudden behavior Jake picked on.

He groans. “God, if it's Another cheese Sandwich i am gonna kill myself”

The way Jake face twists at that is—weird. he looks unamused, and then he looks like he’s about to cry, though he’s still smiling. " Well, looks like i made myself something to eat." Jake snatched the plate from Marc’s hand and walk back to the kitchen and place the plate with the sandwitch on the table. Marc huff and flop down on the couch.

“ I am not hungry anyway,, just- i will just order something.” he chances, unsure if it will get him his head bitten off.

“ Okay.” Jake snorts, and sit there eating his sandwich alone.

Marc can’t help glancing up from his phone spotting Jake. “ what else can you make beside cheese Sandwich?”

Jake shakes his head. " I have ya known i can cook!." though not much they would call food. he can cook basic stuff and some of it they wonder how Jake's stomach could handle.

“What?”

Marc purses his lips, giving him a weirdly grim look. “ Nothing, but last time you actually cooked something you forgot to put salt in it..”

" Fuck off, will ya Let it go already!."

*******************

“Not what I meant when i said i wanted something new...hmm but alright.” Marc mutters, eyeing the plate again and sounding just so grim. This isn’t what he thought Jake would serve today but it looked - ?

“What did you mean then?”

Marc shifts uncomfortably, glancing away from him for the millionth time and not easing his mind in the least. “Nothing, i just—i thought you will get me cheese Sandwich again—” he vaguely gestures in his direction. “ Isn't this too Much?.”

Jake frowns. “ What, ya never heard of breakfast in bed?.”

“Yeah, well, you didn’t really have to do all that? and why, actually why are you doing this.” he counters, a sharp edge in his voice that to him screams anger. Suddenly, Jake was just as uncomfortable, " I never asked you to do any of this, serving me breakfast. why?."

Maybe it’s just that Jake looks pretty rattled and He’s acting so weird, or maybe it’s the stress from getting Him and Steven into this new life of each having thair own body meaning more needs. more mouths to feed and more expensives to pay.— and if Marc being honest for once he will say it's nice to be taken care of.

The reply takes a little longer than it should to come, but it comes nonetheless. “ i just like making food, ya know. new hobby of mine. gotta keep myself busy.” He push himself to smile lying through the teeth,

Of course, Marc couldn't let the food go to waste. scrambled eggs. "Buen provecho." Jake slides the plate up to Marc's face and watches with amusement as he sluggishly lifts his head before accepting the proffered fork and digging in.

*******************

“Oh, like I got run over by a truck, the usual,” Marc said tiredly from his position on the couch. sleeping on this thing will get him injured one day he swear and he ain't a young man either.

Jake doesn’t seem particularly amused. “ Why aren't ya sleeping on the bed?.”

" Huh, says the one who's sleeping on the floor.".

" At least i sleep fine!." Jake isn't doing fine either, his body feel worn out too but not worst.

“ Maybe if i save money enough i could buy one.” Jake declares, making a very quick move to put his hands on Marc's Shoulders. " ya can help with my shift tomorrow."

“Please, i can't take another five hours shift!” Marc said and relaxed when Jake squeezed his shoulders and massage the sore muscles, " Who said five hours, i am giving ya two hours and the rest i will cover." and this time Marc probably should be worrying at least a little. But, well, considering that when he looks up at Jake he finds him staring at the ground all hunched on himself, at least it would get him out of the awkwardness.

*******************

Marc should probably ask what’s going on, but he doubts he would get a straight answer anyway. And, well, he’s sore and tired and he probably shouldn’t dive head first in a conversation that is going to head nowhere. Marc find himself on the couch again, his body feel warn off from driving all day - just in the last two hours- God, how Jake can survive that? and look at him sleeping there, in the corner on the floor like he's comfortable with it. of course, not actully on the floor, Steven got him a mattress and a pillow but couldn't find a spare blanket so he usually cover himself with his jacket.

Instead, Marc lets a few long moments of uncomfortable silence pass, the atmosphere way too heavy and suffocating to be even remotely bearable, then he decides to do something about it.

“ are you awak?” he says, and he doesn’t miss the way Jake turn with his phone in his hand. Good, hes not asleep. probably wouldn’t have even noticed if he had been, but still it was a long day. “ i saved over three hundred what about you?”

Jake raises an eyebrow at him, and push himself into a sitting position. “Yeah?, i got two thousand.”

“Well-- good! good.... There’s something that I’ve been meaning to ask you, and I understand that it’s an important matter so feel free to tell me to fuck off, but—when we get to buy this new bed, can I- hmm...tag alone?. If you don’t mind. couch is killing me here.” Marc laugh awkwardly.

he knows that Jake is buying The bed for him but he couldn't bare the thought of using it for himself, but nonetheless, he hadn’t really considered telling whats really bothering him because Jake will lie about it, just like where he lied before about the breakfast.

“Yeah, okay—” Jake eventually manages.

*******************

Few days Later They got the New Bed and Jake’s expression is fond and amused when he watch Marc try it, sinking into the soft mattress with absolut relieve and it’s probably going to keep him plenty warm for the foreseeable future.

*******************

few weeks later ....

“Where there’s a will, there’s a way.” Steven replied, chipper as ever, all grin and glimmering eyes. In truth, it hadn’t gone according to plan whatsoever, but the man was good at working with what he got, and being happy solved most of life’s problems. “I got to say, I didn't think you will help today.” Steven shrugged, taking over the bags that Jake gave without protest. “Two weeks of groceries!” He exclaimed, excited. Of course, It was all Jake's Idea It was a tiny sum for all the trouble he caused, but the way he saw it, Jake had a night of adventure. you know! never went grocery shopping it was all new to Lockley.

“yeah, some stuff i couldn't find. your hand writing sucks i couldn't read it.” Jake said and causally flick the small paper Steven gave him with the list,

Eyes dwell downwards, examine the bags and what is inside further. " you just didn't try." Steven snickered openly, delivering a tight squeeze to it than drop the stuff on the nearest table. before drawing his attention back to his Lockley “ so, you're not a total moron after all. ” offered in a tone that sounded suspiciously like it was intended to congratulate him Jake will take it for now.

It didn't take an entirely long for Jake to break the awkwardness of the silence between them to ask the real question. after pausing for a full minute. Jake’s gaze flickered from up to down at Steven’. “ what’s up with the silly clothes?.” the question was a bit ridiculous but Jake couldn’t think of a reason that this may offend Steven. a guy like him has to be fucking brave to dress like that. “ is this a custom or somethin’ crossdressing is ya thing now?.” Steven was Dressing in tigh brown pants, yellow vest top and white shirt, sleeves rolled up and a black neck tie. Steven looks down at himself and smile. “Do you like them?” He struck a pose, one of those exaggerated he has seen some models do in magazines. “I found all of these pieces in local stores, and after a quick trip to a tailor, they fit perfectly!” Jake couldn't understand Why Steven is acting weird. however, the crossdressing comment made Steven blink in embarrassment.

“Well, i think flashy colours are the way to go. i am trying new looks ....” Ah! here it is.

“ Ok, i see where this came from.” Obviously it’s some 2009 magazine fashion look. Jake smirks. it makes sense, they are everywhere in his flat and tho Jake may never understand why he still has them. but gotta admit its highly impressive that he finally tries something new.. “ Nice!.” Jake grins big, wide and toothy something of idea sparkle in his mind and it must be about dressing up.

*******************

Too many questions will ruin the mischievous mood but nothing can ruin the opportunity. “ Come on Steven! Marc said we should spin some time together.” Jake shrugged. “ Don't ya want to be my friend?.” Steven looks up at him thinking for a moment. yes, Marc has been nagging them none stop. for crying out loud ever since that second deal with khonshu Jake and Steven haven't seen eye to eye Always arguing and bickering. “ your friend? are you that desperate ...whatever..sure if it makes you happy.” Steven said joking obviously.

*******************

Steven came out of the bathroom wearing a leather jacket and white undershirt, black tie and pair of dark jeans - Jake's clothes that he gave him to wear. he look ridiculous and nothing like himself- or Jake... even if they have the same body, same height and weight they still look slightly different.

“ hmm. No this look ain't getting ya a date tonight.” Jake says after seeing Steven popping up next to him with that frustrated look, the whole uniform he even wears now is ridiculously hilarious, black suit with black undershirt and tie. its been the fourth time he chance today and Jake still say No! how did he end up being a test subject for the other's amusment. Steven shrugged. “ i kinda regret telling you about it.” He didn't want to say anything about his upcoming date with Layla but you know, one thing lead to the other and Jake ask him if he likes anyone back at work and Steven kinda Mention that the only woman he like so much is Marc’s ex wife....funny how Jake secretly do so but that is a scandal for another time. Steven was just happy keeping this info to himself but now its not only to himself.

“ go change again." Jake said teasing the other, patting him like a little kid. “Relax i am helpping ya.” Jake laughed a little. Steven Laugh nervously oh he wish he never opened his big Mouth.

Jake's snort was louder than he’d intended, and he couldn’t hold back the far too amused look on his face. “Dude! yes this the look!.” he leans into the table and stare at him. Steven roll his eyes. " its just you, i look like you!."

" Yes, i am the cool one! this mean ya are going to get the girl of your dream." Jake say and gets up from his chair. " ya need to work on your posture too."

"Bloody hell! you are turning me into you." Steven eyebrow raised, and a typical look settled on his features before he crossed his arms and rolled his eyes at the man in front of him. stereotypical Jake, making it all about himself. “ Don't blame me I had to help you look cool.” Jake couldn’t help but tease the griping man. “ and i am the only cool person i know to dress ya as so ya should thank me for that.” Jake batted his lashes at Steven in exaggerated flirtation.

Maybe this has no logical ending and yeah sure Jake is using him to pass the time, but Steven isn't! complaining because maybe- just maybe he should try it.

#save.#ahh yes this fic is my most fav thing i wrote #i hope you enjoy

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michiganmerchant · 11 months

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having a lot of thoughts right now about my favourite special little boy princess matthew tkachuk. by far my favourite hockey rpf character. so compelling in so many different angles. also all of this rpf vaguely meta whatever sorry u are not getting anything factual or realistic about him in this post ANYWAYS.

platonic romantic familial -- all the angles in which you can explore a story through matthew are there. he is such a narratively rich character actually so many ways in which you can explore the story that is matthew. it's like. matthew can only be so well characterized in fics because he is Such a character in real life if that makes sense. it does actually please read star texts richard dyer 1979 for a more academic and detailed take on celebrities as text. anyways. did the good characterization in fics come from his real life character or was it the other way around? which is actually another way to ask: chicken or egg?

absolutely delicious how he was born into hockey AND not just any 4th liner son but to a captain all star and probable future hhof-er like! except he's good right -- and that's objective. he'll have his own legacy by the time he retires. and with that means Lots of Media. which is where we get SUCH fascinating insights into his familial relationships. look i am not a fan of the ao3 a+ parenting tag [except for j*s verstapp*n] but i am a big fan of acknowledging te universal truth that sometimes its hard to be a child. of parents. with very real and human lives and personalities. Anyways. we also have enduring familial relationships in form of the brothers tkachuk which is like. the whole damn thing about hockey being his only life. except SIKE we know its not because he is such a family guy. and he paid for everyones time during the stl all star like. Like. i mean ok im reading this and it doesnt make sense but its like. the lengths through which he stretches himself to play host and the detail that we know means we can easily write him as a family person right. because he is. like he prioritizes that so much.

i keep thinking of matthew as someone who is Too Much and thats my rpf meta freudian jungian analysis divination determination also i am like sleep deprived so this is super incomprehensible ANYWAYS i love writing him with adhd cos its like. haha YEAH sucker you go have a hard time regulating your emotions. anyways i like the idea that he cares so much and is sososooo tenderhearted because well re flames trade request makes me so insane he loves so much and he wants to be loved and its like. is he aware of that. matthew what are your thoughts on being loved. matthew please what are your thoughts on deserving love.

anyways i like thinking about matthew who knows that he wants too much and that he is too much and still continuing on because he cant be but himself! its weird! he thinks hes weird but he's owning up to it! its like self awareness thats not very helpful. ok i need 2 sleep before i Lose it

#thinking. perhaps even thoughting. thunking.

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toukatan · 3 years

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You read every gojohime fic???? That's amazing!!! What are your favourites?

hello anonie! i guess i can say i’ve read at least a good 80% of all the fics, at least. probably. most likely because the fic tag at the start of the year was tiny and now the community’s grown so much there’s almost 600 of them. that’s insane to me. like hello?

i have a lotta fics that come to mind, that i should honestly make a master post on because i love them all. so here are a few many that came to mind immediately as i typed this up.

gojohime fic recommendations!

multichapter

limitations by ohmytheon

“Parenthood chooses you," her mother used to tell her, but Utahime never understood that saying more than the moment she realized she was pregnant with Gojo Satoru's child. They were never meant to be something serious - never meant to be more than they were - and yet they both suddenly find themselves in a world that doesn't care about their desires - and that brings them closer in a way that no one else can understand. It won't be easy and it won't be kind to either of them, but it appears as if the universe has other plans for them

no one is what they were before by ohmytheon

The world broke when Gojo Satoru turned on jujutsu society. It's not the hopeful place it was before, but Utahime has never been one to give up. Until she's placed in a dangerous position directly in his path, and she finds herself trapped in a web that doesn't seem intent on ever letting her go.

and touch me like you never by ohmytheon

In public, Gojo is a special grade bastard, especially to Utahime, and has been all their lives. He knows exactly what insults to throw and what buttons to push to drive her up a wall. In private, however, he's got quite a few other things to tell and show her, which only makes things more confusing. It would be easier if she could avoid him entirely, but for some reason, he won't let her go entirely.

gravity by aerfei

This is Utahime, fierce and indomitable, and this is Satoru, who despite holding the world’s regard, still craves something that Utahime has had all her life. Coming together is sometimes an act of desperation, and sometimes a deliberate choice. Or: An Iori Utahime character study, through the lens of her relationship with Gojo Satoru, starting from the beginning and ending at the Goodwill Event arc. Manga spoilers and (at least 95%) canon-compliant through (at least) chapter 135.

count every single leaf in autumn by florieneofthesea

“I told my family we’re dating.” Utahime’s hand hovers over the door. “What?!” (or: Gojo tells his family that he's dating Utahime to get them off his back, so of course they invite her to the dreaded family dinner™)

favourite colour by otherthingsonhold

At 28, Satoru Gojo's responsibilities only start to multiply. With his clan looking to him to lead the family, and the balance of the universe in his hands, Gojo isn't thinking of much else. But when his mother brings something to his attention, the only thing Gojo can do is follow through. But how is Utahime Iori part of all of this?

gojo catoru by ashittywriter

Utahime is tasked to catsit a suspiciously large Persian dollface cat with pristine white hair, the most boop-able nose, and to top it off the cutest cerulean eyes. Too bad the cat also happens to be her idiotic colleague Gojo Satoru.

at the tail-end of spring by florieneofthesea

Utahime doesn't expect to remember her ex's number off by heart but it comes in handy when she's a little less than sober outside a club in a city she's not familiar with and her battery on three percent. She just wishes things turned out differently for them. (Or, post-break up exploration where outer forces refuse to let them have their happy ending.)

a second chance by onewordmore

In another world, it wasn't Geto who sneered down at humanity, regarding them to be worthless monkeys that deserved to die. In another world, it wasn't Geto who openly defied the Jujutsu Council and brought down terror and fear to all. In another world, it wasn't just Amanai Riko who died that day, amidst the cheers and delighted cries of the insane. And Utahime was going to learn, first hand, the consequences of her own death.

from you to me by onewordmore

A drabble series regarding Gojo and Utahime. From fluff to smut to angst to love. This is going to have it all.

oneshots

oceansize by aerfei

The marriage is arranged by their families, small clans both, with all their hopes and traditions laid gently upon the shoulders of their only heirs -- and yet, this distance is impassable.

under the cover of darkness by ohmytheon

It takes a little alcohol, early morning hours, and a game of truth or dare for Gojo and Utahime to admit some difficult truths to each other.

risk/reward by ohmytheon

No punishment had ever been more effective in making Gojo do his actual job than receiving praise from his secretary - or more grueling than when Utahime withheld it.

like a good roommate by ohmytheon

Utahime has a problem: her bed wasn't delivered to the new apartment. Her ridiculous roommate, Gojo, has a solution - but he's kind of panicking on the inside.

aware of us by halspur

“We did alright, didn’t we?” Gojo put his phone down after taking several dozen photos of Tsumiki walking across the stage, his eyes soft. “I mean, we were just kids, too.”

love song by halspur

“Because you’re weak.” Gojo said, muffled into the thin skin of her throat. “I can’t leave you alone.”

tear you apart by halspur

“I don’t want to be mean to you,” Utahime’s cheek was pressed into his spine, her voice muffled. “I like you.”

cuddles are for clean boyfriends by just_trying_my_best_everyday

Utahime finds Gojo Satoru sitting right behind the door, blindfold hanging on his neck, completely soaked in blood and petting her cat with both hands. And he stinks.

honey by florieneofthesea

Gojo Satoru experiences love a decade before he fully realises it.

roots by florieneofthesea

At the start of winter, Utahime starts to cough up blood. She thinks maybe its just the lingering damage from her last mission, but the coughing persists and it starts to scratch her throat, and itch at her lungs and when she finally makes the trip to Tokyo to ask Shoko for her help, she doesn't even get the first word out. Shoko welcomes her at the entrance to Tokyo Metropolitan Technical School and Utahime hacks up a single, pale blue petal, smattered with blood. She stares down at the flora on the ground and wonders if she's been cursed. Utahime looks up, and Shoko's eyes are wide.

to have and to hold by ashittywriter

“M’sorry," Gojo said his voice slurring at the end. "But please go away, I have a girlfriend." Utahime blinked in confusion. What the fuck?

souvenir by PrettyKittyLuvsU

“Aha!” Gojo tugged something out of his pocket, his long fingers curled around it as he held his hand behind his back. His other hand waved before him, a cheeky grin splitting his lips. “Ora, ora! Hold out your hand.” Utahime stared flatly. “Ora, ora!” Gojo persisted, continuing to wave his hand as he grinned. “Hold out your hand already!” Utahime scowled at the hand swaying infront of her face. She had half a mind to slap the man instead, but her students were closely watching. Even Gojo’s students, the second years mainly—for Sukuna’s vessel was apologizing profusely as the brown haired girl continued kicking him while the quiet one made no effort to stop her— looked in fascination at whatever ridiculous souvenir Gojo wanted to hand her. Utahime slowly lifted her arm, already planning on throwing the thing back in Gojo’s annoying face. Gojo gets Utahime a very special kind of souvenir. Set during the start of the Goodwill arc.

dayum this exposes me huh? i do be reading a lot but what can i say i love to see it. all these fics are amazing, to the writers y’all are doing fantastically like my goodness you be really putting ya girl in a loop with some of these fics with your plot-lines and doing it flawlessly. can’t thank them enough for them, their hard work and time!

be sure to show the writers some love and support with comments, bookmarks and fight that dayum kudos button when it smiles at you because lemme leave more—

i think they’d really really appreciate it when they hear the bing and be sure to check out all of their stories including the ones in the pairing tag! happy readings 😙✨

#there’s so much more. i gotta make a master post but yeah send your love to the writers #they’re amazing and deserve all the love and support #🤍💫✨#gojohime #fic rec #anon #asks #replies #nitatalks

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bakudekuficlist · 2 years

Note

Do you have any post war arc bakudeku fics any fics surrounding that time upto the apology part in the manga ?

hi! this was a tad bit hard to find in terms of tags so I hope these fit what you were looking for!

Mini-List: Post-War/Apology Bakudeku

You're Not Allowed to Die - TargaryenJedii

Chapter(s): 1/1 | 4117 words | Teen / No Warnings Apply

Katsuki Bakugo is supposed to be the one who wins. He’s always been able to beat anything the universe throws at him, either with his quirk or with his wits. He’s supposed to be the best, the number one hero that’s stronger than All Might himself.

But he has no idea how this war is going to end. For the first time in his life, he has no idea how to beat this. He doesn’t know what the future will look like, or what will happen when Shigaraki and All For One are finally stopped for good.

And he doesn’t know if Izuku will still be by his side when the dust settles. ---- Or: Katsuki finally faces the possibility of what could happen. It leads to more than he was expecting

hold me till i feel better - leahistyping

Chapter(s): 1/1 | 3327 words | General / No Warnings Apply

katsuki had never felt like this before.

so many emotions were swarming through his head at once. he felt anger, frustration, sadness, and especially longing.

he never knew it’d hurt so much to be so izukuless. the damn nerd was always chasing after him, whether he wanted him to or not. but he was always there, even if katsuki pushed him away again and again.

(or, after izuku returns to UA, he gets a fever. but luckily for him, bakugou’s there to help him.)

Desperation - JuiceTricky

Chapter(s): 1/1 | 3824 words | Explicit / Creator Chose No Warnings

‘Now he’ll be out of commission for a week….’ ‘We’ll use this time to our advantage.’

All Might’s words were ringing in Katsuki’s ears, and the look on that shitty nerd’s face was replaying over and over in his mind. He knows. He knows Deku is going to go off on his own, self-sacrificing rampage again, and this time, he’ll make it impossible for anyone else to get caught up in it.

Katsuki takes a deep breath, closes his crimson eyes and convinces himself that it’s different this time. That if he doesn’t swallow his pride, and get it out, he will not see Izuku again.

Fuck, he might not anyway if the nerd has his way, but he can try.

Katsuki sits up, rubs his hand along the back of his neck and heads towards Izuku’s room. He knocks on the door, hoping it’s not too late.

All We Ever Knew - dynamics

Chapter(s): 2/2 | 5275 words | Teen / No Warnings Apply

He knows, deeply and intimately, that these hands have innocent blood spilled on them. They've scarred and they've been cruel and they've caused hurt beyond anything deserving of forgiveness. But these hands, as rough and calloused and war-torn and guilty as they are, can be gentle too.

Katsuki learns the true meaning of kindness and devotion.

Where Are You (and I'm So Sorry) - TargaryenJedii

Chapter(s): 2/2 | 7984 words | Teen / No Warnings Apply

When Midoriya leaves, he writes a letter to everyone in class 1A. While he’s gone, Bakugou decides to write a letter of his own.

And when Deku gets back, he's shocked to stumble onto a few folded up pages containing Kacchan's messy handwriting.

Setting Suns - TargaryenJedii

Chapter(s): 1/1 | 2094 words | General / No Warnings Apply

And it’s not until a few weeks later, when Kaminari stumbles into the common room rambling about another dumb idea, when they see Bakugo simply stare at him with a blank look on his face and nod absently every few minutes, that they finally see. They finally understand why the whole dorm feels like it’s been flipped upside down overnight.

Midoriya left UA, and he took Bakugo’s voice with him. —— [Manga spoilers! *mild swearing] Midoriya leaves UA. The rest of the class tries to keep Bakugo standing while he’s gone

break my fall - enisle

Chapter(s): 1/1 | 7338 words | Teen / No Warnings Apply

Bitterly, he thinks that perhaps cruelty is best served like this: with the world still spinning on its axis and the space beside him unoccupied. Perhaps it is. Perhaps it should be worse. Perhaps all this is simply retribution.

The aftermath, through Katsuki's eyes.

#bakudeku #bkdk #ktdk #katsudeku #bakudeku fanfic #fanfiction #fanfic #bkdk fanfic #bkdk fanfiction

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help-i-need-a-cool-username · 2 years

Text

So last January i started keeping a notes page for recording tags that made me laugh or smile. I was reading through them and realized it been over a year since i started. So i decided to post them to make you all smile too. The fandoms are in no specific order, but i did post my favorite tags at the top of each section. I used the ";" as a break between tags. Ao3 uses "," but several tags included their own "," and "#" made things harder to read so i swapped it out for ";"

These tags are 95% from ao3 fics (many of them from the same fics). The other 5% consist of tumblr tags, fic titles, and the occasional author note/funny fic quote that i loved so much i wrote it down. I dont remember what each fic each tag was from*, so please dont ask for links, but as they're tags you should be able to search them in the ao3 search engine. However if you want specification to which character a tag was referring to, i do remember that.

*im 99% certain these tags were for that fandom

Not fandom specific/i cant remember which fandom

I will take these crumbs of characterization and bake them into a cake myself so help me god

i don't make the facts people i just gently unearth them from the subtext

author is a trash can not a trash can't

Please keep in mind that Canon Timeline has died tragically in a fire, and I am but the weeping widow with an inheritance

I'm not so much taking liberties with canon at this point as flirting outrageously and never calling back for a second date

shameless wish fulfillment; like this is what i want to see and you can watch i guess

31k notes and counting as of this tag sweet jesus you all need church and the bible and the vatican

I will not explain my rarepairs; they're in love now. that's how it is

Cursed By a Mage; That Mage? Albert Einstein

did i just write a different fix-it for this episode two days ago; Yes. yes i did

unforgivable foreshadowing

The Cain Instinct

Destiny's a Bitch: A Love Story

F@¢k Amatonormativity

the untaggable qpr strikes again

they h#ld h?nds ok

it's about the yearning

Star Wars

The Mandalorian & TBOBF

Destiny is calling and it doesn't care if Din has blocked its number

love is stored in the head bonk

*Slaps roof of random Deathwatch Member* this guy can fit so much love and affection for Din Djarin in him

Din does NOT have the Darksaber; because what does he need?; an ulcer?

Din is low key demi and no one makes a deal about it

Mand'alor the Reluctant

platonic love is what healed his lonely existence

when in doubt: road trip with the besties

Accidental Baby Acquisition (A LEGIT TAG)

TCW

Not even death can stop plo koon's dad instincts

General Hothead the Thothead

anakin skywalker eats live bugs

Anakin figures it out first, which is pretty dang embarrassing

SWR

2am bathroom break at a dingy rest area in the backwoods of appalachia vibes

Or: How the Ghost Crew got banned from Space Costco

Kanan Jarrus: The Daddening

Movies (Sequel Trilogy)

The Traveling Jacket

MCU/general Marvel

This is why we can't have nice things

in which our heroes meet where they belong; IN THE TRASH

An Attempt Was Made At A Romantic Gesture

Erik is crushing harder than a 12 year old girl (A LEGIT TAG)

BROTP: She's Perfect

i will delete this later; nevermind im not deleting this, im leaving this as proof; that i am sexier and better than the entire mcu writing team

Nick Fury Deserves To Be Swept Off His Feet; And Carol Danvers Is The One To Sweep Him

Tony Stark/Acting Like A Bitch

Fury and Goose are the BROTP to end all BROTPs; watch a hardened spy become a fool for a tiny cat

the Cloak is protective; the Cloak is clingy

Middle Earth (LOTR/TH)

Legolas wants the D (the Dwarf)

Reshirement AU

Thorin Oakenshield: King Under a Massive Pile of Guilt and Self-Loathing

hate at first sight

Gandalf Ships It

Look out Middle Earth; when a elf and a hobbit decide to have an adventure; its best not to get in the way

The Witcher

i cant not write dramatic things. its bc im gay

toss a kudos to your bitcher, o valley of ao-three

Two Distinct Varieties of Commitment Issues

Pre-Relationship; by about eight hours

they should be....soft; so upon writing chapter two that one has a heady mix of angst

Im British and so's my spelling

only a jealous threesome can resolve that kind of mess

ft. the only m/f dynamic that means anything: if she can't have him executed; there's too much equality going on; and he is Into That

Jaskiers main role in this fic is to go: what the fuck

Geralt is completely gone on his common law husband and he's fine with it

the other Witchers care and want Jaskier to be safe; Geralt is amused because Jaskier is a feral bitch

Aggressive herb gathering

Grilled Chicken Sandwiches

The Wind Howls A Lot

Geralt is back on his bullshit yet again; what else is new; geralt is a dumbass first and a witcher second

cause of death: refusing gwent; (its actually being a bandit but for geralt one crime is worse than the other); (and we all know which one)

but jaskier is thirsty and geralt is an entire lake

sometimes a family is two dumbasses and their lion cub

the many shades of Unrequited Love; or is it...Requited??; who knows

Many boats get harmed in the making of this fic; Reckless Sailing

is it a romance if there isn't at least one fart joke

Cutagens | Cute Effects of Mutagens (A LEGIT TAG)

Geologically Improbable Hot Springs

nothing makes me happier than making the big rat man cry

Buckle up bitches

Kaer Morons

RWBY

This team shares one brain cell and right now it’s in Nora; NORA

James gets bullied by teenagers: the musical

Press f to pay respect for my sanity

Ozpin adopting Oscar: buy one son get one moral compass free

Yang is Summer's daughter; and Raven knows it

Avatar (ATLA)

must a fic have a plot to be good?; is it not enough to have 6K+ words of toph and zuko being bastards together?

Aang was not expecting THAT

Soul Eater

the inherent intimacy of comparing hand sizes

found family at its finest

Merlin

sir leon the long suffering

Mordred and Merlin are friends; because f@ck you thats why

Star Trek

and Jim settles into his new relationship status of "single but pining immeasurably"

Man from U.N.C.L.E. (2015)

This colossal disaster required divine intervention to fix

Intentionally sexually charged sleepover; with Illya dying a thousand deaths in the bathroom

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eskelbigbang · 3 years

Text

Eskel Big Bang 2021 Masterpost

Here are all the fics and art made this year for the Eskel Big Bang. Congratulations on the hard work, everyone!

AO3 collection || #ebb works tag || #ebb art tag || #ebb fic tag

Below the cut is a full list of all EBB works:

Uprooted (T, No Pairing, 12k) by @rachofspades, art by @drachedraws

When a nondescript notice begging for a witcher's aid catches Eskel's attention on his way back to Kaer Morhen for the winter, he finds himself drawn in by his own curiosity despite his initial reservations. Once he arrives, it quickly becomes apparent that there's something more sinister going on than typical monster attacks, and he's determined to figure out what it is. Fic || Art (1) (2)

These Clay Hands (T, Eskel/Jaskier, 4.7k) by @aalizazareth, art by @hobbart-art

Eskel is a shy pottery instructor who meets Jaskier during one of his lessons. The two hit it off. Fic || Art

The Empty Safe Job (M, Eskel/Geralt/Jaskier, 18k) by @iboughtaplant, art by @gods-no-longer-tread-here

A team of thieves with complicated pasts take down the rich and powerful to help those that get left out from justice. Their latest job should be simple, but an unexpected adversary has Eskel confronting his past. Sometimes bad guys make the best good guys. Fic || Art

the broken vines are an open door (M, Eskel & Geralt & Yennefer, 5.2k) by @trissmarrygoals, art by @flyingyarn

Traveling through Aedirn with his newly acquired child surprise, Eskel stumbles upon a dead body - and with it, a mystery. Fic || Art

With you I'll never be alone (T, Eskel/Geralt, 5.8k) by @dat-carovieh, art by @mondfuchs

From their first meeting, through their whole long life Geralt and Eskel have always been there to comfort each other when one of them got hurt. --- Or five times Geralt and Eskel comfort each other through some kind of hurt and one time they're just comfortable. Fic || Art

Eskel Has A Good Day (G, Eskel & Wolf Witchers, 9.3k) by @gods-no-longer-tread-here, art by @phoenixandjacob

The Wolves (and bard) of Kaer Morhen go on a vacation to the coast, and have a good day. Fic || Art (1) (2)

Tu Me Manques. (T, Eskel/Jaskier, 8k) by @etcorsolus, art by @cvbeebop

In which, Eskel meets a bard who calms him. Body, mind, and soul. Story title is how the French say 'I miss you.' The more literal translation is 'You are missing from me.' Fic || Art

Little Red (M, Eskel/Lambert, 6.1k) by @miahclone, art by @llwynbleidd

Eskel helps Lambert while he's recovering from a serious injury. To distract him from the pain, Eskel tells stories of past hunts. Fic || Art

Constellations (M, Eskel/Geralt, 7.2k) by @dredshirtroberts, art by @dat-carovieh

Eskel loves Geralt but their soulmarks don't match - he'd know. They're witchers, and scars are their business. As he joins Geralt in retirement, Eskel figures whatever he can get with the other witcher will be enough. He might get a little bit more than he thought he was bargaining for, but Eskel's never passed up a good deal. Fic || Art (1) (2)

Trial By Fire (Eskel and Aza's Wild Ride) (E, Eskel/OFC, 11k) by @janzoo, art by @liaonyxrayne

When Eskel rescues his succubus acquaintance from witch hunters, their reunion becomes something more as they're drawn into the hunters' plot. What can they do against a twisted idealist and the danger he presents to witchers and non-humans? Fic || Art

Pardon Me While I Burst Into Flames (E, Eskel/Jaskier, 29k) by @ghostinthelibrarywrites, art by @wolfgeralt

When Eskel is hired to kill an incubus who ruined a noble wedding, he finds that his target is far from a bloodthirsty beast, a too-pretty court bard. Eskel spares Jaskier and they go their separate ways, with Eskel expecting never to see the incubus again. But Jaskier has other ideas. Fic || Art

I Could Eat the World Raw (E, Eskel/Jaskier, 7k) by @buttercupsanddandelions, art by @gods-no-longer-tread-here

“This is Eskel.” He pushes him slightly forward, “And he just had his conduit moment.” After becoming a mage, Eskel finds that he's been soul-bound to a little lordling. Fic || Art

Something we bury (M, Eskel/Geralt, 10k) by @heartoferebor, art by @craftgamerzz

“Where’s Eskel?” Ciri asks Geralt, frowning a little. “He went out to do more hunting and gather some potion ingredients. Should be back any moment,” Geralt reassures her. “Ah. Good.” She hesitates a little before deciding to forge right ahead with her next question. She’s asked everyone else in the keep, of course she’ll have to ask Geralt, too. “About his scars…” * Ciri wants to know where Eskel's scars came from, so she decides to ask everyone at the keep about them. Except, they all seem to have different stories... Fic || Art

Lord What Fools These Witchers Be (T, Aiden/Eskel, 21k) by @jayofolympus and @frenchkey, art by aviixrc

When Lambert brings Aiden to winter with him in Kaer Morhen, Eskel is catapulted straight into his own personal hell. It would be easier if he didn’t like the Cat. Instead, he finds himself falling head over heels for his brother’s boyfriend and trying to hide it from a pack of nosy Witchers. If only Aiden would stop flirting with him... Fic || Art (1) (2)

A Moment of Comfort (M, Eskel/OC) by @merpancake

An attack at a brothel begins with blood and carnage, but Eskel finds an unexpected peace in the arms of Cenna. As their paths continue to cross, Eskel carries that same peace within him on his journey through monsters and men. Art

Toussaint's Finest (M, Eskel/Geralt, 9.1k) by @kate-river, art by @justhereforeskel

Eskel is still roaming the Continent. But in recent years the Path has become harder and harder. Eskel has made it a habit to come by Corvo Bianco around vintage and this year's events might change a few things in his life forever. Fic || Art

Beneath the Shadow and the Soul (E, Eskel/Geralt/Jaskier, 32k) by @vix-spes, art by @buffskierights

Eskel had the strange feeling that everything was going to change when he passed through Dol Blathanna one year on his way back to Kaer Morhen for winter. He had been passing through a town and, instead of running away from him, someone had exclaimed “You’re a Witcher,” and proceeded to sing at him. He just hadn't realised how much of an impact it would have on him. Fic || Art

Daughter of Fire (T, Eskel/Geralt/Jaskier, 4.9k) by @kittynannygaming, art by @zmezagain

Witchers are sterile, that's a fact. No female human can bear their child. Well, the keyword here is 'human' and a succubus is very not human. And Eskel now has a sweet 7 years old daughter. Fic || Art

Break It Recklessly (E, Eskel/Geralt/Jaskier, 22k) by @anonymousblueberry, art by @nol-nol

From teenage tearaways to successful adults, Geralt and Eskel have always been inseparable. To the extent that when Geralt accepts a wedding invite with Eskel as his plus one, there’s the assumption that they have finally sorted their shit out and got together, forcing them to keep up the facade or cause chaos for the happy couple. What follows is a crash course in emotions, dating, and working out that love can burn long and slow for a very long time. Fic || Art

The Question (M, Eskel/Istredd, 40k) by @eskelchopchop, art by @stars-in-my-damn-eyes

Eskel's in Ohio when Yennefer calls. He’s reluctant to pick up; he’s still not over Geralt, and he's got zero desire to chat with Geralt's new lover. Turns out Yen isn’t his lover anymore, and this isn’t about Geralt. It’s about witcher’s work. Yennefer owns Portal, one of New York City's most popular gay clubs. A Post-Conjunction Entity (PCE) is hunting her clientele, leaving a string of withered corpses in its wake. The police are doing jackshit. Will Eskel come back to a city full of bad memories and take a job off the books to stop it? He'll sure as hell try. Along the way, he’ll cross paths with Istredd, a man with sorcerer’s eyes and a painful past of his own. If Eskel doesn't work fast enough, they both might become the PCE's next victims. Fic || Art

Is It Cold In The Water? (E, Eskel/Jaskier, 12k) by @jennyloggins, art by @jerry-of-rivia

His horse is tied to a branch a few trees out, and that’s where Eskel heads to grab his water skein, taking a deep drink and soothe his dry throat. Patting his horse’s backside affectionately on his way past her, Eskel feigns a stern voice to say, “Zuzanna, keep watch for me.” Her tail twitches as if to swat him away. Fic || Art

Everything I Want (I Can Find in You) by @eyesofshinigami, art by @phoenixandjacob

Eskel didn't think he'd ever see Jaskier again, sure the Cat witcher was only looking for a night of fun. But then he keeps showing up, taking Eskel to bed and leaving him little presents. It takes Eskel a bit, but eventually he realizes that maybe, just maybe, Jaskier means it when he says he wants to keep him. Or Eskel doesn't think he deserves nice things and Jaskier is determined to show him otherwise. Fic || Art

One Stop Shop; Tattoo's Piercings, And Love (M, Eskel/Jaskier/Lambert, 7.4k) by @jesheckah, art by @moondrunkart

When Eskel fumbles an invitation at a party to come into his tattoo shop, Jaskier and he move towards an explosive love. How many tattoo sessions does it take for the heart to know what it wants? Fic || Art

Entanglement (and other words for a mess) (E, Eskel/Geralt/Jaskier, 31k) by @violaceum-vitellina-viridis, art by @merpancake

Eskel has a hundred marks on his body, but a soulmark isn't one of them. Fic || Art

Beneath Each Other's Bones (E, Eskel/Geralt, 7.6k) by @pressedinthepages, art by @drachedraws

Winter at Kaer Morhen can be brutal. But Eskel and Geralt find warmth in each other in an effort to stave off the cold. Fic || Art (1) (2)

#9fe2bf on the Shore (T, Eskel/Jaskier, 4.5k) by @buffskierights, art by @phoenixandjacob

The sea roars with a vengeance, something angering the waves even as the stars shine brightly overhead in the clear night sky. If Eskel were a poet he’d say it almost sounded like a wail of mourning, the way the whitewater crashes upon the night black sand and the gathering foam, the sea frothing furiously. But Eskel’s always hated his poetry lessons so being a poet is firmly off the table. Fic || Art

lion in the wolf's den (T, Coen/Eskel, 5k) by @patchwork-doublet, art by @justhereforeskel

eskel is nervous being around ciri, afraid things will go south like they did last time. Fic || Art

Sugar Baby Blues (E, Eskel/Jaskier, 24k) by adevinecomedy, art by @pastelrune

Jaskier’s mind slipped back to a night several months ago when he was all worked up but had nowhere to go and a mountain of school work to get through. How it was just so much easier to log onto a camming website and watch someone perform seemingly just for him. The gorgeous, confident man on the other side of the screen had been so accommodating, even though Jaskier had been shy and hadn’t typed much into the chat. Modern au where Eskel is a Cam boy and runs into a bit of a financial bind. Enter Jaskier who just might be the answer to all his woes. Fic || Art

Winter Comfort (T, Eskel/Jaskier, 10k) by @myidlehand, art by @liaonyxrayne

Jaskier comes to Kaer Morhen to spend some time with Eskel, after briefly meeting him in the fall. And while both of them seem delighted to see each other again, Eskel starts to shy away from Jaskier's comments and flirting. It doesn't take a genius to see Eskel is having body image issue. Jaskier aims to help him through it. Fic || Art

The Subtle Knife (M, Eskel/Jaskier, 26k) by @major-trouble, art by @cylin-aka-ankamo

There's an assassin haunting the Continent. No one knows their name, everyone - that is, everyone in the know - calls them The Specter. If you want a rival out of the way, a political opponent disposed of, or a strategic target taken out, contacting The Specter gets the job done. For a price, of course. There's an art to subtlety, after all, and it wouldn't do to risk the attention of law enforcement. So there's no obvious cause, no knife to the back, and the deaths aren't usually remarked upon. The Kaer Morhen Agency, however, has noticed. One of their agents has been hired to protect potential victims, people scared that they've been targeted. And they have reason to worry. When Eskel's first assignment winds up dead of no discernible cause, it starts him on a search for the elusive Specter, hoping against hope to track down the assassin before they're hired again. Setting a trap for a ghost is something Witchers are used to. Setting one for a trained killer may prove beyond them. Fic || Art

No Funny Business (M, Eskel/Jaskier, 11k) by goldendaydreams, art by @nanero11

Eskel had long given up on finding his soulmate, his soulmark nothing but scar tissue from a house fire he’d survived as a child. Knowing that most people wait for their perfect someone, their destiny, didn’t stop him from falling in love with Jaskier, the nurse he met after a hunt gone wrong. Fic || Art

Stronger Than My Storm (E, Eskel/Geralt) by @rawrkinjd, art by @nol-nol

Eskel and Geralt were friends from the very beginning. They added the benefits later. It was another way to offer comfort and companionship when the rest of the world closed in around them, and Eskel was content with it for years. Until he wakes up one day and realises it’s become something more. He touches Geralt’s silver hair, wreathed in a halo of yellow sunlight, and allows himself to feel the cracks spreading through his heart. Witchers can’t love each other. It would only lead to suffering. Eskel realises he must weather the storm inside or let Geralt go forever. Fic || Art

Full of Life (T, Eskel/Jaskier, 6.3k) by @sternenstaub28, art by @llwynbleidd

When Eskel gets hired to solve the case of people disappearing in town, she didn’t know she’d find a friend and maybe even something more. or Beauty and strength don't necessarily make your life easier, a companion and love however do. Fic || Art

choices are the hinges of destiny (T, Eskel/Geralt, 7.5k) by @lutes-and-dandelions, art by @cassandrasartworld

After rescuing a fae from the clutches of death, they repay Eskel by helping him make a choice. -oOo- A story about what would have happened if Eskel had claimed his child of surprise. Fic || Art

Eskel Vs The Continent (And His Feelings) (M, No Pairing, 47k) by @chibitabathasloves, art by @zmezagain

Eskel decides he needs to leave Kaer Morhen after the fight with the Hunt. Where will it take him? And will he be able to face his feelings he desperately tries to ignore. Fic || Art

lookin' to the sky to save me (T, Eskel/Geralt, 10k) by @torynickles, art by @trissmarrygoals

Geralt slides his hand from Eskel’s shoulder to his back. And then. Then he keeps moving it, outwards, away from Eskel’s torso, where there should be nothing but air, but— “What the fuck?” he chokes, because he can still feel Geralt’s hand, sensation where there should be none. He shakes his head wildly, twisting his arm to reach for his own back. His fingers connect to something, but—it’s not his body, it can’t be his body, even though he can feel himself touching it. Because he’s made up of skin and flesh, bone and muscle, and this thing has all of those, but— It’s covered in sticky, damp feathers. Fic || Art

A Fine Night at the Faire (M, Eskel/Geralt/Jaskier, 12k) by Elensule, art by @liaonyxrayne

Eskel has been hurt by the world and hides for refuge in his little goat farm. He's found no reason to look for love, or much of anything else. But encouragement from his brother sends him to an unfamiliar locale; the renfaire! Maybe stepping out of his comfort zone was just what he needed. Fic || Art

#eskel big bang #eskel #witcher eskel #the witcher #the witcher eskel #the witcher 3 #tw3 #jaskel #geraskel #geskel #eskel x geralt #geralt x eskel #eskel x jaskier #jaskier x eskel #ebb works #eskel fanfic #eskel fanart #eskel/geralt/jaskier

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sitp-recs · 3 years

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(Perfect artwork for Modern Love, by @cambiodipolvere)

Today is the day of one of my favorite people! And I totally resent @tackytigerfic and Starry for almost sharing the same birthday, god the STRESS 😂 Tacky is my first and closest fandom friend. We clicked together so fast and easy that sometimes it feels like I’ve known her all my life, like we’re two dog moms living in the same neighborhood who happen to read fic in their free time. Despite our conflicting time zones and crazy schedules we manage to chat every other day, tagging and sending each other all kinds of stuff, coming together to cry scream about a brilliant fic we’ve just read or shaking our heads in embarrassment at every other unnecessary bullshit post. Tacky’s bright and wise energy uplifts my spirit even on my moody days, and makes me grateful for her friendship and for this fandom life. Okay so this got long and I had to put the rest under the cut:

It’s such a lovely and precious thing, to have someone with whom you can share every single thought that crosses your mind, your scariest, most embarrassing, petty or disturbing idea, without fear of being shamed or judged by it. I trust Tacky with all my heart to hear me out, share a joke or a piece of advice, even on the (rare) occasions when we don’t get the same perspective - that doesn’t happen often when it comes to Drarry, as we are taste twins!

Tacky my darling, you’re such a good person, and such an incredible friend. Thank you for introducing me to this lovely community, for being my safe haven and your unique self, with so many qualities I admire and feel inspired by: kind, witty, earnest, wise, and so very human. I love your humour and empathy, and your chill yet no-nonsense personality; I love your talent and how articulated you are; I love your passion for Drarry, and how you let this emotion inform the way you navigate the fandom and create for it. And god, but you’ve been creating some of the most beautiful content I’ve seen in these recent years! I’m permanently in awe of your ability to write Drarry in any shape, format or length, transforming even the most ordinary moment into an extraordinary and meaningful piece of character or relationship development. You know how you mentioned yesterday that some authors change the way you feel about a ship in a deep, definitive way? Well, you are that author for me. Your works made me fall in love with M-rated contemplative romance, and also allowed me to fall in love with Harry in a way I never thought it was possible before.

Some people - myself included - got to know you through the fun and intriguing A Lick and a Promise, others through the atmospheric and sensitive Modern Love, others through your contemplative and heartbreaking short form. Each story has its merits and purpose, and all of them share a Tacky trademark: the heartkick factor! Your talent has no limits and goes across different genres and tropes, that you explore with a bold twist full of personality and heart. And even more impressive is your consistency at always raising the bar - every new fic of yours becomes an instant fave and makes me think “wow I thought Tacky couldn’t get better yet here we are”. Seeing how your writing evolves as you find your narrative voice is a beautiful and humbling experience, I feel so lucky!

I’m really grateful for being active in the fandom at this moment in time, because that allows me to read and engage with your brilliant work, and to have you as a dear friend. I can’t wait to see what comes out of your beautiful brain next. It was an impossible job choosing a single fic to rec today, so I decided to do a belated Tacky reclist! Naturally these are my personal and biased must-reads, and I urge everyone to go check these beauties right now. Feel free to include your own favorites too, and don’t forget to leave them some appreciation.

Happy happy birthday my darling Tacky! This fandom life wouldn’t be the same without you. I hope you have the amazing day you deserve!

Between the Power Lines (2020, M, 3.2k)

The road trip fic you didn’t know you needed. I got utterly immersed in the heartbreaking quietness of this, feeling like a witness to an ordinary yet poignant love story. Such tender intimacy, such character development, such lovely American aesthetics with barely any dialogue. This is, IMO, the fic that reveals Tacky’s triumph in storytelling.

Even the Night (2020, M, 3.4k)

This fic has a surreal atmosphere, those Midsummer vibes unbelievably sexy and intoxicating linked to the sensorial experience of fumbling together in the night. Masterclass in tension building, a silky and languid dream-like affair.

Aim for my Heart (2021, M, 3.4k) - Harry/Draco/Ron

One of the most sensitive and stunning portraits I’ve ever seen of a poly/triad relationship, this fic packs so much character and longing! It’s a privilege to watch Ron and Draco’s tentative dynamics through the smitten eyes of the one person that loves them like no one else: Harry.

The Long Fall (2021, M, 3.6k)

I can’t even write about this tender domesticity without getting a lump in my throat. Best opening scene I’ve read in years, and a refreshing way to approach both mpreg and parenthood, painfully honest and lovely. This became an immediate comfort read for me, and it’s probably one of the fics I revisit the most.

Mortal Frame (2021, M, 6.6k)

This thrilling, fast-paced spy story left me breathless since the first paragraph, gods what an immersive ride! I’m so here for Drarry on the run, sharp and urgent with danger but mellowed by the silent trust and tender intimacy only Tacky can master. Major bonus points for the brilliant take on the Horcrux hunt plot line!

Last Offices (2020, M, 6.7k)

Oh, this fic 💔 I tend to avoid MCD but there’s something so deeply fascinating about body washing rituals that I caught myself mesmerized by this. I just couldn’t put it down, so emotionally compromised I felt. There’s a sort of strange comfort in the heartbreak of doing one last act of service out of devotion to someone. This fic inspired so many difficult but lovely feelings in me, and one of them was hope. Only Tacky could possibly achieve that!

Our Little Life (2020, M, 7.2k)

Inventive and singular, this story hit me straight on the solar plexus and left me speechless as I saw the (clever, magical and bittersweet) plot unravel. Such a fabulous take on alternate universes and all the angst potential behind it. Come and bask in the yearning melancholia of a short yet intricate and perfectly executed plot.

And One to Play (2019, E, 21k)

What a fun and delightful fic, I can’t have enough of pining Harry losing all sense of propriety when faced with a hot, competent and pragmatic Draco. This has fab dynamics, unhinged protectiveness, even more unhinged attraction between two idiots who can’t keep their hands off each other. A must-read for any Auror partners fan!

A Lick and a Promise (2019, E, 55k)

Hot, BAMF Professors carefully balancing a fuck buddies situation while solving a Hogwarts mystery, do we need anything else? I certainly do not. This fic is so fun and intriguing and immersive, with amazing supportive cast and a delicious get together feat secret shagging and oblivious pining. Love it!

Modern Love (2020, E, 61k)

My favorite read of 2020, this fic is a love letter to Drarry and will always hold a piece of my soul. Sensitive, wistful, tenderly aching and so very romantic, this is a Muggle Draco triumph with a superb Harry, exquisite slow burn and a side of suds comfort. I promise it will be impossible to listen to Bowie again without thinking of this love story.

Bonus: five stunning drabbles!

Something in the Way (2021, T, 119 words)

“Up,” he said, and Draco, sick with love, raised his arms above his head and allowed Potter to slide the jumper on him, big hands stroking it flat over Draco’s stomach until they both shivered.

Stir-Up Sunday (2020, M, 300 words)

“I want you always,” he said, tugging again on the fine curling length of it. “Is it okay to say that?”

Whalebone Arch (2021, M, 722 words)

“Are you still not talking to me?” Draco steered Harry towards the crisps. “Do I have to suck you off in the loo to cheer you up?”

Semiplume (2021, T, 923 words)

“Did you know,” Harry murmured, and he put his arms around Draco, fearless. “I’d be your mate. If you needed a mate, I mean.”

Relic Radiation (2021, M, 927 words)

“You’ll kill me,” Harry said, and Draco turned his face towards the darkened sky, lunar pale, his profile some stupid unearthly thing—a flaring blazar, a supernova—in the light from the kitchen window.

#drarry fic rec #Drarry reclist #happy birthday Tacky!#fave

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alfredolover119 · 3 years

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I looooove your zukka rec lists! I recently became Avatar-obsessed, never got a chance to watch it as a kid and only just got through it all! I was wondering if you'd consider doing a specifically angst rec list? I love fluffy zukka everything, but sometimes you just gotta have your heart ripped out of your chest and put back in after being thoroughly blended.

thank you! i relate heavily to “recently became Avatar-obsessed” haha. as for the angst list, i sure can try! warning: all of these have happy endings because im a crybaby who can’t read unhappy endings. also, p much all of the fics in the completed section were featured on my other lists but this is specifically the ANGSTY ones >:^)

angsty zukka wips

first, most obviously, feels like we only go backwards by @oldpotatoe

-currently at 102k with 19/27 chapters posted; rated teen

-the amnesia fic. the amnesia fic. the amnesia fic. you know. i haven’t actually read it yet because, as previously mentioned, i’m a crybaby and am waiting for it to finish up but, from my understanding, this fic will murder you in a dark alleyway with no remorse. if u like zukka angst, you’ve probably already read this, but just in case!

An injury leaves Sokka with amnesia. His last memory is of the failed invasion, of leaving his father behind in enemy territory on the Day of Black Sun. Of hopelessness. Rage. // But then he wakes up, and the war is over. Suddenly, he must come to terms with the fact that years have passed, and that he's somehow the Southern Water Tribe Ambassador to the Fire Nation. He is also supposedly friends with banished-Prince-turned-Fire-Lord Zuko, of all people. Close friends.

Yeah, nah.

and i’ll do anything you say (if you say it with your hands) by @goldrushzukka

-currently 38k with 6/8 chapters posted; rated mature

-holy shit. holy SHIT. modern au based on the “my cat likes my fuckbuddy and i am falling in love” trope(?). maybe it’s just because of how the last chapter ended, but oh my god. this one made me cry. made me want to commit violence. when it’s not angsty as hell, it’s pretty funny, but holy shit. ao3 user nebulastucky please.

It’s supposed to be a one night stand. Pick up some guy at a bar, barely remember his name and never learn anything real about him, send him packing in the morning with a thanks for the ride and a cup of coffee to-go. That’s how it’s supposed to go. // But then it’s the best sex Sokka has ever had, and he thinks he’ll hate himself if he never gets to have it again.

Violet Blossoms and Celestial Objects by @hollypunkers

-currently 15k with 2/? posted. rated teen.

-this is the sequel to blue (an angsty, zukka rewrite of book 2-- go read it if u havent!)! !! this is a book 3 rewrite. only two chapters in and mrs hollypunkers is really abusing the miscommunication tag, as zukka writers seem to enjoy doing. im excited to see how the world and story develops with the changes to the story! you should be too!! its very good! obviously spoilers for blue lmao

Having sided with the Avatar in Ba Sing Se, Zuko not only must navigate his new relationship with Sokka but returning to the Fire Nation as a banished enemy. His own journey of self discovery and personal growth must now coexist alongside the personal struggles of every other member of the Gaang as together they blaze a treacherous path toward an unsure victory against Zuko's own father and nation.

breakable heaven by @fruitysokka

-currently 71k with 9/11 chapters posted. rated teen

-swt ambassador zuko! soon to be chief sokka! fake dating ur best friend to get out of an arranged marriage! what could go wrong!!! i also haven’t read this one ((see: i’m a crybaby who is being hurt by too many zukka wips already)), but it has been hanging out in my marked for later for months. from what i understand, this fic has: angst.

With his twenty-first birthday looming just around the corner, the Southern Water Tribe Elders have decided that Sokka, next in line to be Chief, needs to get married. Sokka does not want that, but he does need to get them off his back until he can figure his way out of it. What better way to do that than to pretend to date his best friend (and newly minted Ambassador to the Southern Water Tribe) Zuko? // Seriously, this is a foolproof plan. Maybe one of Sokka's best. Absolutely nothing can go wrong.

angsty zukka fics (completed!)

(i’ll put these in wc order)

lighthouse beam by @incorrectzukka

-7k, rated g

-a modern college au!! zuko’s inner-monologue is very angsty in this fic. typical zuko. also per usual, theyre both fucking dorks. they sort themselves out in the end, but not before The Angst. zuko is semi-deaf in this fic and also he has a bit of internalized homophobia.

Sokka’s breathtakingly beautiful and he’s smart and makes other people laugh. Zuko has a half-burnt face and a deaf ear. It’s not rocket science. // Or, Zuko falls in love with the boy in his Philosophy class.

This Isn’t My Idea of Fun by @khaleeseas

-9k, explicit

-moon spirit/nwt prince!sokka, no war to be found here! admittedly this isnt THAT angsty but like. the angst IS present. zuko is still the prince. a lovely childhood friends (though they hated each other for a minute haha) to lovers story.

If you asked Zuko, he and Azula saw far too much of Chief Hakoda of the Northern Water Tribe’s children growing up. It wasn’t until they were older, and Azula pointed out that - duh - their families were trying to set them all up, that he realized why. // He was told by his mother to be polite. These people were their friends and allies, and though their nations were as different as they came, harmony between nations was the most important thing. // It wasn’t his fault the Chief’s children were so annoying.

put your lips close to mine (as long as they don’t touch) by @celestialceci

-9k, teen

-modern au! zuko and sokka are college roommates. zuko goes to spend the summer with sokka. again,, not really that angsty but-- its there!! the detail and feeling of Home in this story make me happy. zuko is insecure as hell here too. if ur into that.

Zuko hates his home. He likes college alright, but he likes Sokka even better, his assigned roommate turned best friend. Spending the summer with Sokka will be fun, a welcome change of pace he desperately wants. It probably won't awaken anything in him... right?

the thing about dancing by anodymalion

-9k, teen

-yes. this one right here officer. it makes my heart ache. also trans sokka! which is cool. but the zuko angst in this one. hurts me. not so much relationship angst as it is zuko learning he deserves happiness angst. i’m sure u know The Type.

The first time a attendant spills Zuko’s tea and doesn’t immediately fall to her knees, begging the Fire Lord’s forgiveness, it is not anger but a resounding warmth that fills his chest.

i could (never) give you peace by @zukkababey

-10k, mature

-OUCH. OUCH OUCH OUCH. boys please learn to communicate im begging u. also zuko.. zuko, dude. as the tags of the fic say, hes “really going through it” in this one. YOUCH. post-canon.

Zuko almost said it. He almost said the words I think I’m in love with you, but he choked them back down at the last second. // Zuko would never be able to be what Sokka wanted. They might have needed each other during the summer, when two boys with too much weight on their shoulders found comfort in each other in the only way they knew how. // But now Zuko was Fire Lord, and Sokka was leaving.

this love burns so yellow (becoming orange and in its time, exploding) by @meliebee

-18k, teen, major character death

-i lied. THIS is the one, officer. found family.. good mai and zuko and toph friendships.. . ozai escapes prison and tries to overthrow zuko. OBVIOUSLY angst ensues. poor boy. he Does heal in this but it gets worse before it gets better. angst angst angst angst.

Ten months after Zuko is crowned at seventeen, he faces his first coup.

Anything for You by beersforqueers

-23k, explicit

-istg. this is probably one of my favorite zukka fics. its PAINFUL. modern au where theyre broken up but sokka hasnt told his family yet so zuko goes home with him for kataang wedding. a bit smutty, but the plot oh my god ohgm y fuvk. made me cry the first time i read it. (see: crybaby!me) insert that one picture of the horse with the caption PAIN.

In which Sokka and Zuko have broken up but Sokka hasn't told his family yet. So when Katara and Aang's wedding weekend rolls around and he doesn't want to break Gran-Gran's heart, he asks Zuko to pretend to be his boyfriend for one last weekend. // Things don't go as planned.

Moving Mountains by @thefangirlingdead

-64k, mature

-so. when i read this the first time it was in one sitting. soulmate au set within canon era / the comics, to an extent. soulmates can hear each others thoughts. i will happily say this is slowburn, jesus christ. champagne without the cham.

Soulmates are chosen by the spirits and can hear each other’s thoughts. Sokka thinks it’s cheesy and dumb. Zuko thinks it’s poetic justice that he doesn’t have one because he doesn’t deserve it. Cruel irony is finding out that the prince of the Fire Nation (and the person currently hunting you) is your soulmate.

In the Soft Light by @voidcenturyscholar and @romancedawning

-83k, teen, graphic depictions of violence

-moon spirit!sokka living in the northern water tribe. zuko is sent to the northern water tribe as a cultural liaison. iroh is the fire lord but while he is away taking care of lu ten after his injury ozai steps up. i cannot express how many emotions this fic made me feel. background yuetara. i would almost say found family?? but. anyway. plenty of angst to spare here with a healthy dose of enemies to friends to lovers.

As the newly appointed cultural liaison to Northern Water Tribe, Zuko is the first Fire Nation Citizen to step foot inside the city's walls in nearly a century. He's determined to prove himself—to the Fire Lord and to his father—even if the Water Tribe's spirit-touched prince seems to want nothing to do with him.

That Midnight Sky by @zukkababey

-103k, teen

-now now now. tms... modern college au where sokka agrees to tutor zuko in physics because zuko has to maintain straight a’s and physics is just not doing it for him. so. thats cool but THEN azula moves in, randomly, with zuko. to hide the fact that sokka is tutoring zuko, they fake date! what could go wrong!! the mutual pining in here combined with the angst... wonderful, tasty. everyone read it rn. also SLOWBURN

In Zuko’s strict family, needing a tutor is just about the worst thing you could do. Failing a class, however, is even worse. The only rational solution? Take up Aang on his offer to find him a physics tutor and have Sokka—beautiful, smart, handsome Sokka—tutor him in secret. // When Azula’s arrival threatens to reveal Zuko’s secret, it’s up to Sokka to convince her this definitely isn’t what it looks like. See, he’s actually… Zuko’s… boyfriend? // Hmm. There’s no way this could get complicated, right?

#zukka #zuko #sokka #angst #zukka angst #atla #avatar: the last airbender #fic recs #zukka fic recs

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erectionsandtea · 3 years

Text

Roller rink skate date headcanons! (poly party) insp. by this post, for @mike-wheeler-is-gay (I know you wanted byler specifically and I usually write poly party, but I tried to stick some extra byler in here for you, I hope I did it justice and that you like it!)

So many paragraphs this should really just be a fic, I'm sorry

- Mike is super tall and gangly is absolutely the worst skater in the party (tied only with Lucas, who put on his very first pair of skates and promptly fell on his face and they weren't even on the rink yet, they were still on the carpet area)

- the moment Mike steps into the actual skating floor, he falls bc he's tall gangly uncoordinated Mike, and Will is just standing there rolling his eyes, like "babe, you're a mess" but he doesn't mind bc it means he gets to hold Mike's hand (and hold Mike in general) while he helps his bf balance and skate

- and Mike is like "I don't deserve you, why are you even with me, I'm so awkward" (poor self deprecating bby), and you know Will would respond with "are you kidding, you're amazing, why are YOU with ME?" (also a self deprecating bby), but then he falls and pulls Will down with him (aka on top of him lol)

- and they laugh, and just as their lips touch, the moment is ruined by Max zooming in their direction screaming "get up before you get run over!!" And she manages to avoid them (being the zoomer that she is) but Lucas has to swerve and falls the fuck over ofc (luckily the rink isn't super crowded that day so nobody's in any real danger)

- and Dustin is looking at byler like "this isn't even that hard guys, come on, are you even trying??"

- El and Will have totally been going to the rink (sibling bonding yo) and everyone realizes that's how they got so good bc El is totally the best skater in the group

- except for Suzie who is a skating queen

- El and Suzie totally having races from one end of the rink to the other

- Max totally joining them and they let her win, just once

- Dustin joining them and after he wins twice in a row (pure luck), Max and El pretend cross his path and bump into him, totally fucking him up, and Dustin's just like "are you shitting me?" (but it's all in good fun, everyone knows that)

- El and Max holding hands as El helps her get better at skating, bc Max is decent on skates but better on her skateboard (bc how do you wheels on both feet separately ??) (like skiing vs snowboarding)

- byler doing that thing where holding hands facing each other, and Mike learning how to actually move his feet and skate forward, and that's propelling Will backward (and Will constantly throwing praise at him and Mike grinning so big bc he's doing it! lol)

- Will and Mike holding hands as they slowly skate around the edge of the rink

- Mike needing to stop a moment and grab the wall to keep himself up and steady, and Will coming around in front of him, his hands over Mike's,and they stand there all adorable and then kisses (except Mike has to duck down bc Will cannot stand on his tippy-toes in skates)

- eventually Mike is like "I need a break" (from falling and stuff, tho he has gotten better) and he goes to sit down

- and then El comes over to join him bc "you looked lonely" (he isn't really lonely, he just kind of has a resting bitch face sometimes, tell me I'm wrong, am I actually wrong tho ??)

- they sit together in silence, watching the rest of the group playing some weird skate-tag game (rules at the bottom)

- Mike is watching Will with a smile on his face, laughing and having fun, and he says to nobody, really "what did I ever do to deserve him?"

- El replies "probably whatever I did to deserve you" and they look at each other and smile and then cute lil Mileven kiss

- their hands reach over (cos they are sitting like RIGHT next to each other, no space)

- they continue to sit there, hands clasped, her head on his shoulder, watching the group and sometimes making comments to each other and laughing

- after a while Will comes over to check on his bf and sis) ("I don't know which is more bruised, my knees or my ego" -> Mike, "you're doing really well!" -> El), which is actually kind of nice for El bc she wants to go skate some more but she doesn't want to leave Mike by himself

- before she leaves tho, she wants a kiss, so still holding Mike's hand she gets up and wheels around to face him and grabs his other hand and is like "I want a kiss" bc she's just blunt like that (it's a good thing)

- and mike laughs at her bluntness bc SO CUTE, and so Mike gives her one of those super cute kisses where he puts his hands on the sides of her face, you know? And she has to balance herself by putting her hands on his knees (Sorry, I just had to get a Mileven kiss in here)

(so much detail in those moments ^ I'm...sorry?)

- so Will sits there with Mike, and they hold hands and share kisses and say cute sweet things to each other, and honestly they spend more time looking at each other than anyone/thing else

- Will goes and buys them one giant drink to share bc boys gotta stay hydrated (can someone please draw this or maybe ALL of this idk ??)

- the rest of the group annoys them (but not really) by hanging over the wall and saying "AWWW" super loud and making kissy faces

- and then El comes back over later and says "okay, that's enough sitting down, we're going back skating, come on" and she grabs Mike's hand and Will's hand and tries to pull them up but it's hard bc wheels (like she's about to slip and the boys have to grab her arms to catch her), but the boys comply and go back to the rink floor

- Dustin and Suzie can totally do skate-dancing, whatever that is (and they totally get applause)

- Max skating by everyone so many times and being like "zoomer!" and everyone is like "pls stop, we get it"

- Dustin trying to tell help Lucas how to skate by actually explaining how the skates and the rubber stoppers work, and Lucas not getting it and just being like "can you explain in English please??" And Dustin throws his hands up like "I fucking give up, you're hopeless"

- Max learns how to skate in a small circle (basically just turning around without stepping) and she's super fucking proud of herself and does it constantly

- Max eventually needs to be stopped by El and Lucas bc "babe, you're gonna get so dizzy" (you can decide who says that 😊) but it's too late bc she's already dizzy

- Lucas and El lead Max off the rink floor and she just immediately falls down to sit on the carpet bc so dizzy and El falls down next to her bc hand holding (she gets pulled), and Lucas sits down too

- the girls can't stop laughing and Lucas is looking at them like "tf is wrong with you guys?" (but not really), also he's just smiling at them and laughing with them bc goddamn they are so cute, his girlfriend is the most beautiful girl in the world and seeing her as she is right now just inflates his heart

- eventually Max can't stay upright so she lies back and El follows her and they are just lying there together (Max on her back, El on her side facing Max, no space), giggling so hard, they can't stop laughing for some reason (I think it's bc when one laughs, it makes the other laugh too)

- Max is like "you, boyfriend, kiss" and so Lucas complies

- an employee has to come over and say "you can't lie down here, it's a safety hazard" and Lucas is like "we're sorry, sir" and he's like "babe, we gotta move"

- so he gets the girls up and they bring max to a bench where she can sit, instead of sitting tho, she lies down again, on the bench with her head in El's lap, and then elmax kisses as El plays with her hair

- El and Max basically take over the bench that Mike and Will were sitting on, and they also steal the boys' giant drink (barely a quarter empty) cos hydration

- Will and Mike trying to kiss while not holding the wall, but fucking down AnD having his eyes closed throws Mike way off balance bc what a klutz, and then he falls and Will is fuckin laughing and he feels bad but also it's funny

- so then Will gets down too (more gracefully but lbr, anyone can be more graceful than Mike, without even trying) and is like "it's okay, we can do this here" and then sitting kisses

- El trying to help Mike but she's having too much fun and ends up just speeding around while Mike tries to catch up with her, and she has to keep going back for him

- Mike feeling kind of embarrassed bc his gf is amazing while his own skating is questionable, and he confides this to her and is like "why are you with me, I'm so clumsy and awkward" (self deprecating again), but El makes him feel better by telling him that she's with him bc she loves him and actually she thinks it's kind of cute that he's not that good at skating and she likes being the one who helps him for once (bc he's helped her for so long with so much)

- and then Mike gives her one of his lil mike-smiles (you know the one I mean, like the one right after he kisses her for the very first time, in season 1)

- and then a Mileven kiss, but Mike almost loses his balance again like he did with the byler kiss, but El can sense it's about to happen and has to break their kiss to hold him up (she's holding both his hands, fingers intertwined), but it's okay, they just smile at each other share a little laugh at the situation and how uncoordinated he is, and they scoot their skates really close together in a sort-of huh type thing

- arcade games after!! (But I'll put that in its own separate post 😄)

- rules to the weird skate-tag game: 1) the wall is the safe zone, but you can only stay there for 10 seconds at a time 2) you cannot untouch the wall for one second and then go back to touching it for 10 seconds, you have to actually leave the wall and skate (HOWEVER you can try to skate from the wall on one end of the rink to the wall at the other end) 3) you are allowed to skate around the edge while touching the wall, as long as you only do so for no more than 10 seconds 4) whoever is 'it' cannot hover around those on the wall 5) crashing into someone does not count as tagging them 6) no tag backs

I tried to get equal parts of all the ships in this one but I know I failed miserably, I'm so sorry lol (clearly you can tell who I ship the most)

If you want to add more (I will if I think of any), send me ideas, or request anything, please feel free! 😀👍🏻

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iliveiloveiwrite · 3 years

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Big Steps // Draco Malfoy

Request: Hello! Can I request a Draco x reader that’s maybe a year after the war and him and the reader are moving into a cozy little apartment together and he’s working towards being a Healer? I’m loving happy Draco and you write him so beautifully. 💜 - anon

A/N: I haven’t written for HP and Draco in what feels like forever! This isn't very long at all. I hope you don’t mind, I just thought I would ease myself back into writing Draco!

Pairing: Draco Malfoy x Fem!Reader

Warnings: fluff, cute, worries, talks of big steps, mentions of the second wizarding war, trainee healer draco, happy draco

Word count: 1.3k

Countless boxes littered the floor; so many that it was almost impossible to see the floor and it was becoming more and more of a task to navigate your way through your new home.

The focus for the current moment was the wall across from the three windows that line your living room; that brighten the whole place. On this wall was to be a collection of pictures with plans for it to be added to the longer you live here.

“What do you think?” Draco asks, tone soft as he holds the picture up, “Is it straight?”

Focusing your attention on the picture, you suggest, “Move it to the right a little more.”

Following your instruction, Draco adjusts the picture to the right that little bit. “There!” You all but shout, “There is perfect.”

Draco hangs the picture on the wall before taking a step back. He returns to your side, hand automatically seeking its place at the bottom of your back. Draco sighs; it’s not resigned, it’s not upset. For the first time in a long time, he is happy and he is content.

For a moment, the both of you are silent as you gaze at the picture. It’s an image of the both of you from only a few months ago, snapped by Narcissa on one of her many walks through her garden. She had spied the both of you napping in the late morning sun; your head resting on Draco’s strong shoulder as his hand ran through your hair. Without your knowledge, Narcissa had taken a photo of the moment, unable to help herself. Upon the announcement of your moving in together, Narcissa had the image framed and gifted to you.

There was a lot to love about your small home, but this picture was your most treasured.

“What are we doing with all your books? Which do you need first?” You ask Draco, kneeling to open the box on your left.

“The ones on the reading list for the training programme have a red sticker on their back cover so I didn’t have to remember all their titles…” Draco admits sheepishly, kneeling down across from you to tackle another box of books. The both of you big enough readers that your small flat is going to look like a library soon enough.

“Draco Malfoy, Healer Extraordinaire,” You laugh, hauling two large volumes on the properties of healing potions and spells from the box and setting them to one side.

“Hey!” Draco protests, “I’m going to be an excellent Healer.”

Beaming at the blonde, you answer, “I know you are. You’re going to be the best Healer there can be.”

Dark pink paints Draco’s cheeks as he refocuses his attention on his own box, picking out book by book to eventually put on the shelves nearby the door. He knew that the next few months were going to be hard; the beginning of the Healer training programme at St. Mungo’s was notorious for either making or breaking a Healer. Draco would be the first to admit that he’s scared shitless by what is going to be asked of him, but this has been his career choice since the late nights in Hogwarts library where you would stay up with him so Draco could get extra revision time in. You would be there to meet him after any and all training sessions with Madame Pomfrey; questions ready on the tip of your tongue to make sure that the information had set in.

He was ready for this. He had you to thank for it.

Draco takes a moment; he takes a single moment in the chaos of moving into his new home that he now shares with you, to simply watch you. The last year had been about healing; about recovering from the collective loss felt by the wizarding community but Draco had to come terms with the guilt that accompanied such grief. How many deaths had he been responsible for? He did not know; he did not want to know. Instead, he worked on bettering himself, becoming the man he was happy to see in the mirror.

Draco watches you finish unpacking your box of books; he watches you turn to window, watching the afternoon sun travel across the sky. They had moved in the early morning, knowing full well the amount they had to unpack.

Draco’s serene smile soon turns to a frown of worry as he sees you reach for a plant pot, a vacant look on your face as your eyes seem troubled. He had seen this look before; he had seen you worry countless times – over him, over exams, over whether you were going to live to the next day. He knew what that look meant.

The worries that have plagued your mind become louder; niggling at the back of your mind, forcing their way to the front until they are all that you seem to think about. Frowning, you reach for a potted plant, deciding whether to place it on the coffee table or the windowsill.

“Darling,” Draco calls, “What’s wrong?”

“This is a big step, Draco,” You murmur, holding the plant pot close to your chest.

Vulnerability shines bright in Draco’s grey eyes as he nods his agreement. “It is a big step. It’s a huge step. We’re barely a year out of school and after what happened, I didn’t think we would ever get to a place where we could make this step.”

“Are you sure you’re ready for such a step? I don’t want you to regret this in a months’ time…”

The added meaning isn’t said but it’s loud in the room. You don’t want him to regret you in a months’ time; you remain scared for the moment that Draco will one day wake up and realise what a mistake he has made – throwing in his lot with you. It’s never voiced, and perhaps that is why the feeling is so terrifying.

“Hey,” Draco whispers; his voice gentle as he takes the plant pot from you, placing it on a nearby box. “What makes you think I’m going to regret any of this?”

Whether it is the emotions of the day combined with the lack of sleep from the night before, tears begin to collect in your eyes, threatening to spill over. “We’re barely out of school; barely out of a war. Draco, you’re just beginning to train as a Healer…”

“And I’ll have you there for every late night and for every cram session. Love,” He sighs, “I am not going to wake up in a month and suddenly regret this decision. I think we’ve earned this tiny bit of peace. I think we deserve a little time where the only thing we need to worry about is who is cooking dinner. This is the start of our future; this small flat and these big steps.”

Sniffling, you murmur, “You really aren’t going to regret this?”

Draco’s hands come up to caress your face; holding your face gently. The position means you have no choice but to look into his grey eyes as he promises his future tied with yours. He doesn’t let you look away as he states all the things he is looking forward to doing now that you live together. By the end of his tirade, he smiles wistfully, “I have a lot to regret. I have done a lot of things I am not proud of, but I cannot find it in myself to regret you. You are the light in the dark; the thing that brings me back. I know that if I have a nightmare, you are there to vanquish the beasts. I could never regret you.”

“I love you,” You answer, unable to form the rights words to correctly cover the depth of your feelings for the blonde haired man in front of you.

“I love you too,” He answers, kissing you lightly, “Now, let’s get on with unpacking. I have a feeling it’s a takeaway tonight.”

Groaning happily, you let Draco lead you the pile of boxes. Your fears and worries practically all gone as you tear open the box that is labelled ‘bedroom’.

By the time the final box is unpacked, the big step doesn’t feel so big after all.

*****

Draco Malfoy Taglist: @the--queen-of-hell @obx-beach @obxmxybxnk @sycathorn-slush @dracomalfoyswifey @kashishwrites @justmesadgirl @detroitobsessed @aspiringsloth20 @just-a-belgian-girl @lahoete @minty-malfoy @fallinallinmendes @ravenclawbitch426 @ochrythum @beiahadid @gryffindors-weasley @dracosathenaeum @belladaises

Only tagging my draco taglist for now! I hope you all don't mind, I just thought that since it has been so long since I posted a HP fic, I didn't want to bother anyone on my general other than those who had requested a specific character tag!

#draco malfoy x reader #draco x reader #draco malfoy imagines #draco malfoy imagine #Draco Malfoy

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crackinwise · 3 years

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My pet AU is Kiyotaka and Mondo somehow out in the post-Tragedy Japan, surviving and saving people. Like either they didn't agree to stay locked in Hope's Peak for safety, or they survived the game and left with the others but didn't join Future Foundation. Major points up front, details divided into sections under the cut:

Mondo's objective would be to find his gang, and Taka's goal, besides finding his dad, would be repairing society while punishing those responsible for its destruction. But their direct task is keeping each other safe & helping victims along the way.

Mondo even stresses calling Taka "Ishimaru" instead of "bro" or his given name in front of others, so they might KNOW who's saving them. Taka caught on quick & is very grateful.

Taka would have kind of a breakdown reconciling who he is with what he has to do in a lawless world where every public moral is ignored. He keeps a small ledger of places they loot from, to compensate in the future.

At the start, Taka can only sleep burrowed against Mondo's chest or back, blocking out their damaged surroundings & pretending everything is as it was.

He cries in Mondo's arms one night after he couldn't avoid killing someone to save Mondo's life, and that's the tipping point. He thinks if he was better, stronger like his bro, he'd have noticed sooner & found a better option. Mondo is being so brave; he's Taka's rock and Taka wants to be as steady for him too. Their souls are already connected so obviously he just has to borrow more of Mondo's spirit, right?

That's how Ishida is created.

(In reality, Mondo just compartmentalizes and shoves down unhelpful feelings. You thought he needed therapy BEFORE all this, oh man-)

Ishida:

Taka ends up slipping into the Ishida facade for fight and flight; any time adrenaline kicks in and he feels he needs that boost. Sadly, that's most of their waking time. He guards Mondo and anyone they're saving like a fierce watchdog, and won't hesitate to bite.

He'll only come out of the role when he personally verifies it's safe and if Mondo can confirm it. Survivors are confused by the dual-sided Ishimaru switching right in front of them, but they're so grateful (and so much weird crap has happened) that it never phases them long.

Too many times, Ishida will go all day without a break. This means when their hideout for the night is absolutely safe, that it's okay to let go, Taka just collapses in exhaustion. But Mondo is there to catch him.

Mondo feels conflicted over the Ishida role because Taka is just a beast in it--it's very flattering and a little hot--but it also makes him worry more than before about Taka's health. He comforts Taka with a lot of praise and reassurances, and Taka sleeps lightly but otherwise fine.

Relationship: (slight mature warning)

When they touch, Taka swears he can feel the link between them flare to fuel them. Twin fires ignited. Mondo doesn't know about all that, but when their eyes meet it definitely makes him feel invincible, so, he can believe.

If they weren't already new boyfriends when The Tragedy hit, all this closeness makes sure of that soon after. Being together is their happiness and, for a while, their only link to pre-Tragedy lives. Vows not unlike marriage were exchanged one night. Where one goes, the other will follow. Anywhere. Always.

When they kiss, safe and alone, Mondo will ask what Taka wants; what he can handle that night. Sometimes it's just the kisses before passing out, sometimes it's more intimate touches to please them both after another hellish day.

Sometimes Taka will ask to be made love to, for obvious couple reasons, but also because Mondo inside him makes their tether feel stronger, more complete. Like going over the invisible line in bold marker. Taka believes any marks they can create with their mouths, any traces of themselves they can leave on or in each other, the easier they can find their bond and tap into it. (He had started a nervous habit of pressing in on lovebites to keep Ishida going when tired.)

Mondo tells him he doesn't need to find a poetic excuse for fetishes and Taka lovingly answers with a stomach punch.

Crazy Diamonds:

Mondo's gang members, the ones not dead or overcome with Despair, are slowly found and joined back up.

Any smaller and sturdier motorcycles are kept when found. If Mondo was able to keep his own in this version, it's a bit heavier than would be good for any off-roading--and much too loud for any stealth--but he refuses to part with it.

Every gang member respected Taka/Ishida the second they saw him fight beside their leader. Before Mondo says a word about him. They readily take orders from him in either form. The change in appearance was a surprise, but they're already used to some members wildly changing demeanor in or away from the gang, so it's easily accepted.

With the gang as backup to keep watch during downtime--after Ishida sized each one up and watched them for loyalty--the pair can feel a lot more relaxed. They joke about having a date in a blown-out restaurant they find, and they can finally enjoy a deep sleep.

When the group finds safehouses with more than one room, Mondo & Taka are given their privacy. Taka tries to insist everyone deserves a chance at privacy and they should rotate, but changing a gang's long-established hierarchy is a losing battle. And Mondo's not on his side because when they're alone he can be as sappy or touchy as he likes.

Legends:

Taka and Mondo save a lot of people over their journey and kinda become a legend that gets spread around and gives people Hope.

This area still needs work from me. Probably some research into Japanese myths and supernatural symbolism. A placeholder right now is something corny like "Two Men with burning eyes and thunderous voices will answer your cries for help. But if you're evil, the two will appear to you as One Demon and drag you down to the land of the dead."

There's also probably a need for costume changes since their color scheme is the same black & white of the Despair Remnants and monokumas killing people. Legend or not, it'd be easy for traumatized survivors to not know they're good guys at first.

Darker Moments: (blood, violence and vague attempted sexual assault)

After he killed a man to save Mondo, Taka luckily (he wouldn't use that word) doesn't have to again. Hurt? Yes. Beat unconscious? Yes. Maim? Yes, but some of the vile dregs of humanity are caught doing things that deserve worse--

--That deserve Mondo. Once when they were still traveling alone, a group of Remnants jumped them, managing to separate the two, and one knocked Taka out with a bad blow to the head. Mondo dispatched the others attacking him and got to Taka right as the Remnant was about to do something unforgivable.

Mondo snapped. He still doesn't remember what he did, he just remembers coming to in all the blood and dazedly picking Taka up to take him to a place he knew was safe.

Taka never finds out. He woke up a day later with a bandaged head and Mondo crying and kissing his hands. Mondo just told him he beat some and scared away the others.

Minor Details:

They try to always fight back-to-back and, to observers, seem to read each other's mind for where to move.

Taka/Ishida would use a sword or hand-to-hand. The pickaxe might just be a random pickaxe they find, if he uses it at all. Kinda hard to carry both a sword and a railroad pickaxe on your back, and I can't imagine it balances very well. (The size in official pics would be a 5lb head w/2-3lb handle.)

Mondo seems like he would use anything lying in debris to fight. Poles, pipes, chains. Aaaand maybe the knives he mentions in School Mode.

For any costume changes, Mondo would keep his jacket at least. A beacon for the Diamonds. Maybe a purple tank top, and different pants better for knife holsters. Unless the holster should wrap around his waist or hip instead?

Any changes to Taka's outfit would keep his armband. It's a reminder of his Talent and his goal to make Japan even better than before. Also wanna keep his boots or change to more rugged ones.

End Goal:

Obviously they'd end up in Towa, after the events of Ultra Despair Girls. They're reunited with Takaaki and Takemichi. Maybe they help set things right there a bit, or Makoto would get word to them about his plans vs Future Foundation's. Look at me, do I look like someone that knows how to end things?

There is no way you read all that. (I love you if you did.) But feel free to use all or any bits of it in your own works. Almost positive I'll never get to compose all this into a coherent fic format. I might update in short scenario posts under a 'Tragedy-survivor au' tag if I think of anything.

If you have a question or want something expanded upon, ask away.

#ishimondo #kiyotaka ishimaru #kiyondo ishida #mondo oowada #danganronpa #Tragedy-survivor au #i've only read like 2 fics that had this concept but it was ensemble so the boys weren't the focus which hurt me

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spencers-renaissance · 3 years

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let him be soft (and let him be mine) p2

Summary: After Derek pulls another self-sacrificing stunt at the culmination of their most recent case, Spencer runs out of their apartment as he desperately grapples with how it makes him feel

or; Derek's self-sacrificing tendencies meet Spencer's abandonment issues. It gets messy before it gets better

Tags: hurt/comfort, crying, abandonment issues, injured!derek, hurt!spencer, miscommunication, angst with a happy ending, fluff, protective!derek

TW: abadonment issues, allusions to grief/loss, some religious imagery (a catholic church and a priest have a small role in the plot)

Pairing: Derek Morgan x Spencer Reid

Word Count: 2.1k Total Word Count: 4.5k

Part One // Masterlist // Read on AO3 // Emily's Edit 1 2 3

Emily (@criminalmindsvibez) and I have worked together on a project based on this poem. Her edits and my fic go hand in hand, so go and check hers out! She posted part two yesterday and just posted part three! It's been so fun to work together, so please go and reblog her beautiful edit <3

Spencer smiles, feeling a little bit lighter after getting everything off his chest. “Thank you.”

As he watches the priest walk out of the nave and into what Spencer suspects is the Sanctuary, he hears something that simultaneously warms his heart and twists his stomach in anxiety.

Derek, calling his name.

“Oh, God,” Derek cries as soon as he’s rushed over to sit next to Spencer, wrapping him up in a tight hug, “baby, I was so worried. I was trying to give you the benefit of the doubt and let you come back to me but I just couldn’t do it. I had to get Pen to track your phone in the end.”

“I’m sorry, Der,” Spencer says, pulling away and blinking tearily at the anxiety mixed with relief written across his boyfriend’s face. Guilt floods his stomach as he thinks about the terror he’s just put Derek through: the exact same feeling he’s been lamenting over Derek inflicting upon him. How is he any better? If anything, he’s only worse; Derek does what he does to serve others, Spencer’s been nothing but selfish all evening.

“No, baby,” Derek protests, lifting a hand to his face and brushing away a falling tear, “you don’t need to apologise, just… talk to me. Tell me what’s going on.”

Spencer doesn’t waste any time in agreeing. It’s the least his boyfriend deserves. “Can we go home? I want to eat that Thai food in bed while I tell you. I’ve already cried one too many times in a church for the day”

Derek chuckles at that. “Of course, pretty boy. Come on. Let’s get you home.” He takes Spencer’s hand gently and leads him towards the exit, and when Spencer turns back briefly before walking out of the building, he doesn’t miss the smiling priest lingering near the altar.

⭐️

Derek doesn’t let go of his hand the whole drive home, clinging tightly even on the elevator up to their apartment, and it only serves to make Spencer feel guiltier. How had this not clicked earlier? He never stopped to think about the worry his boyfriend was going through back home, only prioritising himself and his own selfish feelings.

He starts to wonder whether he should actually tell Derek after all. His boyfriend is so endlessly kind and selfless and wonderful and Spencer wants to point out his one flaw? After he’s left him panicked and concerned for his well being all evening?

He anxiously gnaws on his bottom lip as Derek tucks him into bed, seemingly oblivious to his distress as he kisses his head gently before making light work of reheating the take out he’d ordered earlier. Spencer’s stomach spins and turns with anxiety as he burrows himself under the covers, desperate to hide from all that’s to come, unable to escape the helter-skelter of emotions consuming his mind.

Soon enough, Derek makes his way into the bedroom, turning off the main light in favour of their various cosy lamps and flicks on the TV, setting it on reruns of Fawlty Towers with the volume turned down before arranging the takeout on trays before finally slipping under the duvet himself.

“Baby, I know that for whatever reason you don’t want to tell me what’s really going on,” Derek says softly, turning Spencer’s chin to face him and gazing imploringly into his eyes, “that poor lip of yours will be bitten off by the morning. But I want you to know you can trust me with whatever this is. I promise that there is no problem, no issue, no stressor that we couldn’t overcome together. Me and you, we’re a dream team, aren’t we? We can solve this, but not if you’re not completely honest with me.”

Damn it, now Spencer’s going to feel guilty no matter what path he chooses. He either lies and breaks Derek’s trust, or he tells the truth and breaks his heart.

But the priest’s words from earlier flash through his mind, and he takes a deep breath, knowing what he has to do. “I’m scared,” he admits, tentatively. It feels like a good place to start.

“Okay,” Derek replies soothingly, eyebrows knitted in concern as his thumb traces the side of Spencer’s face. “What are you scared of, Spence?”

“I’m scared… I’m scared of losing you,” he whispers, casting his eyes downward.

He feels Derek tense next to him, but he doesn’t know whether it’s because he’s confused or something worse. “Baby boy, you have to understand that you’re it for me, I’m never going anywhere—”

“No,” Spencer interrupts, meeting his boyfriend’s eyes again, “not like that. I know you love me, I’ve never doubted that for a second. I’m scared of losing you to something worse than another person. I’m scared of losing you to a gunshot, a stab wound, a bomb blast. I’m scared of losing you to the job, Derek.”

“Oh.” His thumb falters in its soothing movements against Spencer’s cheek before it retracts completely.

“You’re a hero, Der,” he says tearily, not bothering to try and fight them this time, “you’re an inspiration. You’re strong and powerful and the kindest, most selfless man I’ve ever met, but I— I’m gonna need you to start being a little more selfish.”

“I don’t… What do you mean?”

“Remember back in 2007 when that woman was trapped in her car with a bomb under her seat? You stayed right next to her the whole time, even though you knew that if that bomb went off, it was taking you with it. Because in that moment, looking after that woman was all that mattered.”

Derek nods hesitantly, his brows knit even tighter.

“Well, I could deal with that. I accepted it. We were newly in a relationship, and I knew the kind of man you were when I started dating you. I didn’t think you’d give that up for me so soon. But, Derek, it’s been seven years now. We’ve been together for almost a decade, and you’re still the same man. You run headlong into danger with no regard for how it will affect you. And I love your selflessness and generosity, I really do, but I need you to know how that makes me feel.

“It makes me feel like I’m not important to you, Der.”

“Oh, baby, no,” Derek says, distraught as he wraps Spencer in a tight, urgent hug, hand flying to run his fingers through his curls.

“But, no, it does, Derek. Because it feels like one of these days, you won’t be as lucky as you always have been, and I’ll be alone again. You’re all I have, and I can’t lose you, I just can’t.” The tears are joined by heaving, desperate sobs as he cries into Derek’s shoulder, both of them holding onto one another with clawing fingers, impossibly close as emotions fill the room.

When Spencer finally calms down enough, he pulls away to find Derek’s eyes red and his cheeks wet, too. “I— I had no idea you felt like this, baby boy,” he says earnestly, looking deeply into his eyes as his devastated emotions play across his open expression. “I’m sorry that I ever made you feel like you were anything less than the most important person in the whole world to me, because you are, Spencer.”

“It’s okay,” Spencer whispers sadly. “You didn’t know.”

“No, but I do now. I never stopped to think how this was affecting you, and I’m so deeply sorry for that.”

They lapse into a comfortable silence as they fall against one another, both accepting that the Thai is going to go cold again and they’ll probably end up with a greasy 2am pizza instead.

“It’s because of my dad,” Derek admits eventually, breaking the silence. “When I watched him bleed out in front of me, I swore I would never let that happen to another person. I would never let another person die on my watch, not unless I was going down with them. And that was an easy principle to live by when I was a cop, it translated well to the FBI, and it worked great when I was single. But now… I have you. And you’re more important than a promise I made to myself when I was ten.

“The thing is, though, that I don’t know how to override an instinct that I’ve built and enforced for my entire career. Spencer, you’re everything to me, and you’re more important than this, but I… I don’t know how to change.”

Another tear slides down Spencer’s tired, puffy face at Derek’s words, mostly because they were exactly what he was expecting. The only reason he’s kept this to himself for so long is because he knew that no possible resolution could make this okay.

“It’s okay, Der,” he says sadly, “I get it—”

“I think I should leave the BAU.”

Spencer sits bolt upright at that, turning to his boyfriend with shock written in every line of his face. “What?”

“Listen, I’m 43. I’ve been on the job for twenty-one years, and I’m getting tired, Spencer. I was planning to bring this up at a much better moment, but I’ve just finished that house on the Mount Pleasant border, and I think we should move in there. I’m ready for a quieter life, Spencer. I want to do things that make me happy, focus on the future of our family, me, you, and Clooney — kids, too, if we decide that’s the way we want to go — and leave this life revolving around death and crime and the bad in the world behind.”

“You’re serious?” Spencer asks, completely in disbelief as he stares at Derek like he’s grown an extra head. This was never a possibility he considered. Not even a little bit.

“I am,” Derek promises. “I’ve been thinking about it for a while, and this just seals the deal, really. I don’t want you to be feeling this scared all the time, especially not if it’s set off even by a couple of bruised ribs. Diving in front of a bullet when wearing a vest is hardly the most dangerous thing I’ve done.”

Derek chuckles but Spencer just smiles sadly at just how true that statement is. “No, it isn’t.”

“I’d love to focus on the property business full time, renovate more houses and really make a career out of it. Build a proper business, live in the suburbs, be happy and safe and alive with the love of my life for as long as possible,” Derek says, eyes warm and serious as he brushes his hand against Spencer’s face again. “I’m so in love with you it hurts.”

Spencer’s heart melts and he presses into Derek’s side, burying in as close as he can get. The tears that leak from his eyes this time are at least happy ones. “If you leave,” he says, after considering it for a moment, “I think I want to leave, too.”

“Really? You don’t have to, Spencer. You can stay at the BAU if you want to.”

“I know. But I’ve given over a third of my life to this job, and it’s given me all it can, I think. Before Gideon recruited me, I always thought I’d end up teaching, and I always knew I’d love it. Researching and teaching others what I’ve found out for a living sounds like a dream, and the thought of coming home to you, knowing that you’re safe every night as we sit down for dinner and chat about our normal, civilian lives… well, it’s everything I didn’t know I’d been longing for.”

A kind of peace that Spencer hasn’t felt in years settles over his chest as he basks in the thought of a safe and happy future with Derek, one not plagued by the trauma they’ve faced willingly for far too vast proportions of their lives, and he knows it’s the right decision.

“Wow,” Derek says, and woven in with the shock in his voice is relief, clear as day, “we’re leaving the BAU.”

“We’re leaving the BAU.”

Spencer eventually packs the Thai away and orders an extra large pepperoni pizza for delivery, letting Derek rest in bed as he takes over the beavering around. Fawlty Towers continues to play across the TV screen throughout the course of the night, Spencer resting his head on the top of Derek’s chest, careful to avoid his injuries. In that moment, with his favourite TV show playing, and an empty pizza box on the floor of their bedroom, cuddled up safely with the man he knows he’s going to spend forever with, Spencer thanks a God he’s not sure he believes in that Derek, right now, is soft, happy, and most importantly, his.

Let him be soft, and let him be mine.

— Please, let him be happy.

If you haven't already - check out Emily's post, and give some love to the original poem source here!

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