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ironwoman359 · 3 years

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This is probably not the best place to ask, but you’re also a Christian woman too. I was wondering what you thought about what the Bible says about women and how we must submit to husbands and some other stuff that has me (a potential ace) Christain woman kind of terrified. I would go to my church but social anxiety and my church is pretty conservative. I don’t want to think that we’re just second rate citizens with this. Um…that’s all. You don’t have to answer. Love your Tumblr. It’s one of the main ones I look at. Thanks for countless enjoyment!

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(I’m responding on the submission and not the ask because the ask refused to post properly, I think it was too long for Tumblr’s fancy)

So I know you just asked for my thoughts and not a biblical interpretation lesson, but I didn’t spend 3 months writing an exegesis in college for me to never use those skills again, so buckle up for something of a long answer! (literally, this is almost 3 thousand words, so....sorry about that) *rubs hands together* The thing we need to take into consideration when reading the bible is Interpretation; any truly honest biblical scholar would tell you it is a mistake to take every word in the bible at its literal face value, ESPECIALLY since most of us are reading translations of scripture, not the original ancient hebrew/greek/aramaic/whatever else. So when interpreting scripture, we must consider these things:

Author (Who wrote it?)

Audience (Who was it written for?)

Context (What is written around it?)

So the verses you’re referencing are Ephesians 5:22-23, and in the NIV, they read as follows:

22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

Isolated from author, audience, and context, they sound pretty sexist, don’t they? And male authority figures have used these verses as justification for the oppression of women for centuries, just as white men used the passage only a few verses away, Ephesians 6:5, as justification for the oppression and ownership of black people (Slaves, obey your earthly masters with respect and fear, and with sincerity of heart, just as you would obey Christ). So let’s look at each of the points above in regards to Ephesians 5 and 6. First, who wrote it? Sometimes that can be a tricky question to answer, but in this case, it’s actually very easy (though there is still a bit of fuzziness/debate). Traditionally, Ephesians is one of the Apostle Paul’s letters to the early church. Specifically, to the body of believers in Ephesus, a Greek city that was a part of the Roman Empire at the time. According to two different study bibles I have, the letter of Ephesians was not addressing any particular problem that the church in Ephesus had (as was often the case with Paul’s letters), but was meant as an encouragement of faith and to increase his readers’ understanding of what it meant to be a follower of Christ. So now what about the Context? Why are the verses at the end of chapter 5 and beginning of chapter 6 so damning to our modern sensibilities? To answer that, we must look at the passages both in context to the verses around them, and in historical and cultural context (which is where 1 & 2 come into play again). Going back to the beginning of chapter 4, which is subtitled “Unity in the Body of Christ” (and remember, these subtitles and groupings were come up with LONG after they were written; we grouped sections together in a way we thought was most logical, which honestly for a book as short as Ephesians I would argue is barely even necessary), we can see that the letter from chapter 4 onward is about living a Holy and Godly life. Chapter 4 urges us to be “completely humble and gentle, be patient, bearing with one another in love” and warns us against living “as the Gentiles* do, in the futility of their thinking.” *Gentiles in this case meaning not neccesarily all non-Jews, but non-believers. AKA, we should live like Jesus lived, WWJD and all that jazz. If the Holy Spirit is in our hearts and our relationship with God is at the forefront of our lives, then that should show clearly in our actions. The very first verse of chapter 5 reads “Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.” Chapters 5 and 6 especially are meant to act as a sort of guide for how a follower of Christ should act. There’s some stuff about obscenity, greed, sexual impurity, 5:15 sums it up pretty well basically, “Be very careful, then, how you live- not as unwise but as wise,” and then we reach the all important verse. Ephesians 5:21, “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” That’s a full sentence, just that there. Submit to one another. The following three sections are all subsections of this point: one for Wives submitting to Husbands, one for Children submitting to Parents, and one for Slaves submitting to Masters. But when looking at all of these, bad shepherds (ie, racist, sexist assholes) like to ignore that first bit, submit to one another, just as they like to ignore 5:28, which says “husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself;” or they ignore 6:4 which says “Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord;” and they ignore 6:9, “Masters, treat your slaves in the same way. Do not threaten them, since you know that he who is both their Master and yours is in heaven, and there is no favoritism with him.” I do highly encourage you to read chapters 4, 5, and 6 in full, or at least start at 4:17, which is where Paul starts talking about “Living as Children of Light,” because it makes the intent of these apparently damning verses much more clear. Paul is stating that as Christians, we should treat everyone around us with honor and respect. According to one of my study bibles, the grammar of the original Greek suggests that the “submission” involved in all three sections is intended to be mutual submission, and is to come from a filling of the Holy Spirit. However, to be quite frank, Paul still Lived In A Society. A highly structured, patriarchal society, in which all members of a household (women, children, slaves) were expected to submit to the patriarchal head of that household. Male children until they reached adulthood, Slaves until they were freed (remember that, while by no means a purely morally good thing, the system of Roman Slavery was VASTLY DIFFERENT from the Atlantic Slave Trade that men later used this passage to justify existing), and women, unfortunately, for their whole lives. In another one of his letters, what is now the book of Galatians, Paul says in chapter 3 verse 27-29 that “You are all sons of God through faith in Christ Jesus, for all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ. There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus. If you belong to Christ, then you are Abraham’s seed, and heirs according to the promise.” This would have been radical at the time. Paul is promising all people of all genders and classes that, in the eyes of God, they are Equal, One, and all “sons,” meaning that they all have a right to the Inheritance of the Father (remember, at this time and in this culture women did not get any inheritance, and younger sons got significantly less than the firstborn. Paul assures the believers that they ALL are equal receivers of the Promises of God). But this equality that Paul speaks of was, in his eyes, a spiritual equality. He was not particularly concerned with overthrowing the earthly patriarchal society that subjugated women and lower classes, but rather instructed all members of that society who also were Believers to submit equally to one another out of love and respect, for they were all Equal in God’s eyes and would be Equal in heaven. This is why he both tells women to submit to and obey their husbands, but also husbands to love, cherish, and care for their wives. Children, obey your parents, but Fathers, don’t be dicks to your kids. Slaves should obey their masters (slavery was much more like a job that you weren’t allowed to quit until your boss said so) but Masters shouldn’t abuse their slaves. There are Societal Authorities, and Paul is telling his readers “look you can’t just go around not respecting those Authorities, but also hey, if you’re the Authority? That’s not a free pass to be an asshole.” As one of my study bibles puts it, “Paul counseled all believers to submit to one another by choice…this kind of mutual submission preserves order and harmony in the family while it increases love and respect among family members.” Paul is basically saying “it’s better for everyone if we all get along, and remember that Christ had a servant’s heart, and intentionally lowered himself for us, so we should do the same for each other.” And while a patriarchal class system is still super sucky for like 80% of the people involved, at least it’s a whole lot more bearable if everyone involved is being a Nice, Good Member of that Society. You mentioned being worried about being treated like a “second rate citizen.” The fact of the matter is that when this was written, women were second rate citizens; that is the context in which Paul is writing. And while I firmly believe that that was wrong, in every sense of the word, Paul wasn’t especially concerned about challenging that aspect of society. Priority one was “Spread the Gospel” and Priority two was “Don’t Get Killed while Spreading the Gospel.” Speaking of Paul, let’s talk a little more about Saul of Tarsus, shall we? In all literary analysis, it is important to examine the author’s beliefs and what biases may have made their way into the work. And while we believe the bible to be a Holy Book, it can and should be subject to the same rules of literary analysis as non-religious texts. First, you must ask yourself, what do you believe about the bible? There are four general ways of looking at it (which are called Theories of Inspiration).

The bible is the Divine Word of God, dictated word for word across centuries directly to its human authors by God Himself.

The bible is the Divine Word of God, written across centuries by men Inspired by the Holy Spirit. While they are writing in their own words, this Inspiration means that the bible is Wholly Perfect with no errors.

The bible is the Divine Word of God, written across centuries by men Inspired by the Holy Spirit. However, because they are imperfect, fallible men, there is a possibility of errors in the text, both in the account of events that happened and in the teaching therein.

The bible is a collection of accounts written by men, with no Divine Intervention from God. It is not Holy, God’s Word, or Infallible.

I was raised to believe theory 2, but now I personally believe theory 3. And since I’m the author of this analysis, it is through the lens and bias of theory 3 that I now present my next point: Paul was sexist. I don’t think he was maliciously so (see again, Galatians 3, and the statement in Ephesians 5 that men should honor, cherish, and care for their wives), but he was a product of his time who had ingrained ideas about women and their place in society. This does not A) mean he was right about how women should act OR B) mean that we should toss out everything he had to say, about women or otherwise, because he was Problematic. Most biblical authors were, in fact, Problematic. Either by our modern standards, due to the time in which they lived, OR by the standards of their own time, because God liked to use Imperfect People (we’re all imperfect, but He liked particularly imperfect people) in His plans. David was an adulterer and murderer. Paul happily sent dozens of Christians to their deaths. Peter was hotheaded and super prejudiced against Gentiles and Samaritans. And most of them were, in one way or another, sexist, racist, and homophobic. These biases then found their way, intentionally or not, into their writings, and then other racist, sexist, homophobic men used those writings to justify systemic oppression of anyone who was not like them. Oppression that is not Christlike. So where does that leave us, in our 21st century application of scripture to our daily lives? We must examine how it was to be read at the time (which we have done), and then see what we can apply from it to our own lives. For myself in my marriage, I look again to the original grammar of Ephesians 5, that indicates the submission is to be mutual. I “submit” to my husband, and he “submits” to me. In other words, our relationship is built on Trust, Clear Communication, and Respect for one another. Sometimes we have to compromise, and I have to put aside my own desires for his sake, or he must set aside his own desires for my sake. It is a willingness to listen to one another, to approach conflicts with an open mind, to consider each other’s feelings before we speak. It is an equal, mutual submission based on love for each other, which doesn’t contradict what Paul says at all. God created all people to be equal. Humans are stupid sometimes and try to insist that we know better, try to create hierarchies and use the bible to try and justify that, but that doesn’t mean those humans are right. If your church is trying to make you feel less than because of your gender, or if you date somebody who pushes TradWife rhetoric and tries to use Ephesians as their justification, then you Run, and feel justified in doing so. (Especially if they also try to use Paul’s words to tell you why you owe your partner sex; see again, Paul was not only sexist but also lived in a patriarchal time when women were second class citizens that had very specific expectations placed on them AND he wasn’t even in a relationship himself, forgive me if I take his advice on my sex life with a grain of salt. Without doing this whole process again, a good modern reading of “don’t deprive one another” is “don’t use sex as a weapon in your relationship/withhold it for bs reasons when you’re mad at each other, etc. Like all other relationship things, sex (or a lack thereof) with your spouse should be based on mutual trust, communication, and love, not petty arguments or the standards of others.)

Trust me, as an ace woman myself, I totally get the fear. I’ve felt it myself, in the past. But God’s intentions for you are not that you become a doormat or servant to a man. If a romantic relationship (or any other partnership) is part of His plan for you, then the bible clearly states, both in Ephesians and elsewhere, that it should be one built on Love and Trust, not Subjugation and Servitude.

I hope this helped you, and again, sorry it was so long XD. Have an amazing day! <3

#christianity #biblical analysis #religion #anti trad wife #ephesians 5 #ace things #taylor talks #for a loooong time

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plus-size-reader · 3 years

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Bowers Gang; Love HC

Henry:

He does not take it well at first. Henry Bowers has no interest in being in love, and he certainly doesn’t want anyone else to know about it. He has an image to uphold in Derry and can’t have anyone ruining that. Though, avoiding his feelings for you doesn’t last very long for him. Even with as stubborn and determined as he is, Henry isn’t ready to live without you. There are very few people Henry cares for at all, but at the top of that criminally short list, is you. He knows that and isn’t willing to lose you, especially not when it can be avoided.

~Isn’t super verbal about his feelings for you in the way of physically telling you that he loves you. Unless he’s being vulnerable, like when he’s having a rough night with Butch and needs you for comfort, then he might let it slip.

~Henry’s the kind of person who would do anything for the person he loves, even if he would never admit it.

~Does change a little when he realizes the depth of his feelings for you. Once he knows this isn’t just some passing fling or something to occupy his time, he’s different. He’s a little softer with you, and puts in some more effort to be a good partner.

~But not too much, Henry is still Henry at the end of the day. His feelings are the most important in his mind, and while he makes room to include you in that, and put you first, it isn’t always going to work that way.

~As always, anyone who talks about you at all is gonna have to deal with him, but there’s a bit of wiggle room now. Even though he would never admit it, being with you has softened his anger quite a bit and he’s more likely to just walk away before starting a fight.

~All in all, Henry having someone to love that genuinely loves him back and wants what’s best for him would be brand new for the male but certainly for the better.

~He would find some comfort in you, and your real love that he’d never had before, which is really why he loves you in the first place.

Patrick

Is pretty impressed with himself at first, to be completely honest. He doesn’t have many feelings at all to begin with, and doesn’t really know how to be romantic or sweet in the traditional sense. However, that doesn’t mean he ignores you completely or anything like that, it’s just different. Being in love with Patrick Hockstetter would be unlike any other relationship you’d ever had, but he wasn’t a bad partner, he just isn’t dotting like others may be. He’s had people in his life that care about him in the form of his parents and his brother as a kid, but that isn’t Patrick’s problem.

~He isn’t like Henry where he’s been neglected and abused, in fact, Patrick is the neglectful party in most cases. Feeling anything for anyone is new for him, but he doesn’t feel the need to question why he cares for you, he just does.

~Speaking of his love, it looks more like letting you wear his ring on a chain around your neck or shoving his hand into the back pocket of your jeans as you walked.

~It was less outward “I love yours” and more “if that guy looks at you again, I’ll remove his eyes and shove them down his throat”

~Being in love with Patrick would most certainly involve fighting, pretty frequently but not in an all out angry sort of way. He just likes to push your buttons to see how you’ll react and sometimes he goes too far.

~He loves getting a rise out of you.

~Unlike Henry, Pat would have no problem letting the entire world know that he was in love with you. In fact, he would actively encourage that everyone knows just how much you mean to him so that they keep their distance.

~If you thought you belongs to him before, after he realizes the depth of his feelings for you, there is no doubting that. He’s constantly all over you, and wants everyone to see it.

Belch

Literally doesn’t even realize that he’s in love with you, until he accidentally tells you mid conversation. Though as soon as he does, Belch is giddy like a schoolgirl. He feels really connected to you, and cares about you in a way that doesn’t exactly come naturally to him with other people. He is pretty closed off, in general, and doesn’t routinely let people in but it really is easy with you. With you, he can just exist, which is something new for Belch with all the expectations that are normally placed on him. In fact, part of the reason he loves you so much is how caring you are and how simple being with you is.

~Belch has never been in love before, and isn’t super sure how to go about it, which would make him a little weird and cagey at first. He isn’t sure if you love him back or if he made a huge mistake in saying it out loud

~Thankfully, before he can have a colossal freak out, you assure him that your feelings match his which changes his outlook completely.

~Almost immediately, the strange panic he’d gone through a moment prior was gone and he was grinning again, happier than he had been in a really long time.

~Belch is huge on PDA and would definitely hold your hand all day, constantly, just to feel closer to you. He doesn’t ever want to be without you and would definitely be the kind of boyfriend to pout like crazy every time you had to go home.

~The most wholesome relationship ever.

~Belch would gladly show you off to the entire world, mostly because he managed to get a girl like you who he loves more than anyone else. You are incredible and he’s proud of his feelings for you.

~The rest of the Bowers gang are sort of jealous, because its clear that what you two have is real, and you care about each other a lot.

Victor:

Honestly, Victor isn’t shocked. He isn’t super open about his feelings, or anything for that matter, but that’s different with you. If he was ever going to be in love with someone, it isn’t a huge surprise that it would be you. You have the biggest heart of anyone he’s ever known and deep down, he knows that he is always your first priority which is new for him. You put him first all the time and that makes it almost impossible to not be in love with you. Vic has a lot of feelings, and while he might not know how to express them, he definitely doesn't have a problem with understanding how he could have ever fallen for you.

~Vic is afraid to tell you how he feels at first, and knowing him, you would definitely beat him to it. I feel like he would just wait for you to bring it up to make sure you're on the same page.

~Though, once you've gotten it all together and come to terms with the fact that you're both in love with one another, it would be really good.

~The two of you know how to talk to each other and almost complete one another in a way that Victor definitely needs.

~Wouldn’t want anyone to know about his feelings for you not because he’s ashamed or anything like that, but because he just wants it to be the two of you. He doesn’t feel like it's anyone else's business.

~He's perfectly happy with it just being the two of you in your own little world for a while, and you aren't really going to argue with that.

~Vic is really private about his relationship with you around other people but when the two of you are alone, you're always attached at the hip. You're never too far away from one another, and he likes it that way.

~This boy loves you more than anything, basically.

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yuyupowers · 3 years

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aristocrat!seonghwa

aristocrat!seonghwa x fem!reader

genre: fluff

trigger warning(s): patriarchal society mostly. let me know if there’s anything else!

author’s note: none of the pictures are mine!!

for reference, i’m using british peerage (hierarchy). there are five ranks: baron, viscount, earl (count), marquess, and duke - the highest being duke, and the lowest, baron.

second son of a duke

i imagine seonghwa to be someone who values tradition

unlike hongjoong who finds who finds the numerous aristocratic mannerisms pointless, hwa believes upholding these (rather stringent) rules is a sign of respect

perfect gentleman pt.1

excellent in swordsmanship, horse-back riding, and hunting

well versed in poetry, literature, art, and finance

(can maintain a conversation about politics but honestly it kinda goes over his head)

a bit on the shyer side, but a decent conversationalist

good at keeping the flow and mediating in case anyone becomes a little too heated about their opinions

definitely cares about his and his family’s image

naturally caring and tends to dote on those close to him

(translates into excellent manners)

holds the door open, offers his hand when stepping out of carriages, makes sure to walk on the side closest to traffic, diverts conversation when things are too “distressing,” wouldn’t be caught dead alone with a woman that wasn’t related to him or his fiancée/wife

and surprise, surprise !!

this is where you come in

you’re the second oldest daughter, fourth child out of six; born to an earl

hwa’s family had the highest title bestowed upon aristocracy

whereas your family accumulated more wealth and land than the park family

and since both you and hwa were prime marrying age™, your parents decided upon a mutually beneficial marriage

the first time you met seonghwa was under the watchful eye of both your parents, when the park’s invited your family for dinner

tbh, you were pretty relieved when you met him

“prime marrying age” was different for men, so you were just glad he wasn’t some old geezer

and he seemed like a decent person !!

a well put together gentleman, and his image was only consolidated throughout dinner

all in all, you didn’t have much to complain about from the initial impression

though it was kinda annoying when your little sister would not shut up about how he was the handsome man she’s ever met

even if you agreed

and didn’t she say that when she met woo?

anyways

after the first meeting with the park’s, both your parents set up multiple occasions for you two to meet

whether that be evening walks, picnics in the park, etc,,,

you learned a great deal about seonghwa

how his favourite is black, how he loved the stars and that his favourite planet was mars

how he loved kids and doted on your youngest siblings (much to your sister’s glee)

how he enjoyed spending a quiet afternoon with you reading dickens, discussing afterwards the contrast between carton and darnay

how he was always considerate of your feelings and opinions

you liked to think you were a decent judge of character and thought overall that seonghwa was a kind and caring person

but you also noticed a few characteristics that-

you wouldn’t say it was off-putting or anything but,,,

it might bother you in the future

see, you were pretty good friends with hongjoong

and while you weren’t as extreme,

(you didn’t sneak out weekly to hang out with a bar maiden that you definitely did not have a crush on)

you certainly agreed with him on certain points

like hwa, you thought that abiding by certain mannerisms = display of respect

but unlike him, you didn’t care all that much about your image

okay, that was a lie.

you couldn’t say you didn’t care about your image

(social ostracization isn’t exactly fun ya feel)

but you thought it was,,,exhausting

it’s one thing to be respectful, but it’s another thing to say things you don’t mean

to fake humility

to undermine people that are supposed to be your “friends” or “one of you”

to be perfect, when “perfect” was such a subjective term anyways

it just felt so fake and that left a bitter taste in your mouth

even now, you could see all the efforts seonghwa made to constantly keep his image of a “perfect gentleman”

with perfect mannerisms and perfect answers and perfect-

yeah, it kinda frustrated you

not to mention how obedient he was?

of course you didn’t fault him for being a dutiful and filial son, but his loyalty blinded him

and it wasn’t like his parents were bad people !!

no, you’d say they were much kinder than the average noble family

especially considering their status

but when they made important decisions for their son without consulting him,

(because they were more experienced, because they knew better, etc,,,)

and he accepted whatever decision they handed to him?

well,,,

nevertheless, despite being his fiancée, you, by this point, had realistically had known seonghwa for a couple months

and you didn’t feel like it was your place

(at least not yet)

to point this out

so the two of you continued your cordial but emotionally distant meetings

that is until “the incident” (as hwa fondly likes to call it)

okay, so-

one day you paid hwa a visit and the two of you decided to take a walk in his family’s garden

chattering about this and that

a lovely time !!

it was a bit overcast, but it didn’t look too threatening

so the two of you ignored the clouds looming in the horizon and wandered deep into the garden

big mistake

the weather took a turn for the worst, and soon it was pouring

by this point seonghwa was a little panicked

he knew that for women, getting ready could be excessively long and tenuous task

(courtesy of his little sister’s complaints)

and now !! you were getting rained on !! because he didn’t bring an umbrella !! just in case !!

!!!!

he turns to you, ready to shield you with his jacket and lead you back to the manor

but he’s at a loss by what he sees

he had expected you to be upset, to huddle closer to him, to,,,idk, maybe reprimand him for this thoughtlessness??

but instead, he finds you staring up at the dark sky, eyes shimmering with barely contained glee with the biggest smile he’s ever seen from you adorning your lips

he likes your smile

and if he was already confused (he was), he was about to become even more so

because the next thing he knows, you’re hiking your dress in one hand and grabbing his in the other, running through puddles of water and mud and everything in between, laughter falling from you like the rain

up until this point, you had been acting like the perfect (you hate that word) lady

polite, demure, charming-

in public settings, you only spoke when spoken to, with a voice that was purposely soft and soothing

you chatted with his mother and sisters about traditionally feminine things over tea with impeccable manners

whenever you two met, you were always prim and proper; never a strand of hair out of place

but here you were, getting not only yours but his clothes soggy and muddy, laughing without a care about how pleasant it sounded or how loud it was

seonghwa liked to think he wasn’t a judgemental person-

he wasn’t repulsed or anything by your sudden change in demeanor

just.

really confused

and when you looked back, you could tell,if his expression was anything to go by

but your grin only grew wider, because you could work with this

he wasn’t enjoying himself per say; a bit too confused and bit too stiff to do so

but he wasn’t horrified or disgusted

okay maybe he was a little grossed out; he liked to be clean thank you very much

you could work with this.

and so over the next few months, you showed him things he never dreamed of doing

some of which he liked, some of which he didn’t

some he was willing to try, some, less

like sneaking into the restricted section of the library (he’s never been so scandalized in his life)

or visiting the kitchen in the middle of the night so you could teach him how to make some basic recipes (which he surprisingly enjoyed)

or meeting hongjoong

(“of COURSE it matters if they got the colour wrong?! lord help me you’re the most insufferable person i’ve ever met-”)

and the more the two of you explored, the more he,,,real he became.

and vice versa.

gradually, the mask of perfection he worked so on hard to maintain was slipping before you

don’t get me wrong, he’s still kind and caring and a gentleman

but sometimes he would whine and complain when you encouraged him to do something he was less than enthusiastic about (usually something that involved getting him messy)

or he made The Face™ (the disgusted one) to you and when he didn’t like something or someone

or he would be stupidly stubborn about some random fact that you KNEW was wrong but he just WOULDN’T admit if even when you showed him proof

(“seonghwa for the last time toads don’t give you war-” “LALALA I CAN’T HEAR YOU” “eye-”)

once, he even playfully stole the strawberry from your cake

(big mistake. he’s never doing that again. he never knew a woman could move so fast or be so scary.)

it made you so, so happy because the two of you were finally getting to know each other

actually know each other

then one day, while the two of you were reading underneath a tree at the park

“,,,hey love?” (hwa)

“yes?”

“why are we doing this?”

“what do you mean, dear?”

“i mean,,,i’m not complaining, but i guess,,,why did you decide to show me this part of you? the part that runs around in the rain?” hwa

you don’t reply right away

instead, you shut your book and idly stared at the willow swaying over the pond, wind running its fingers through its drooping leaves

after a few moments of silence

“,,,i wanted to know you and what you believed in. actually believed in.”

seonghwa tilts his head slightly to the side

“love, i hardly think my convictions have changed”

“but do you know what your convictions are?”

and you know when you hear something that resonates with you?

something that strikes deep in your core and makes you rethink everything you’ve know?

yeah,,,this is one of those moments

now it was seonghwa’s turn to set his book aside, falling deep in thought

after an unnaturally long stretch of silence, you began to panic a little

because ?? maybe you misread the situation and got a little too comfortable-

cause i mean you were questioning his core values, which is something he takes very seriously

o god you messed up didn’t you o crap you need to apolog-

“will you help me figure it out?”

“,,,huh??”

“will you help me figure out my convictions?” he asked

and you swear, you’ve never seen such a smile from seonghwa

one that conveyed a plethora of emotions, ranging from honesty and vulnerability, to confusion and loss, to lightness and warmth

it filled you with an unnameable feeling

like something sliding into place, fitting perfectly; like it was always meant to be there, filling you with comfort

shyly intertwining your hands for the first time, you looked up to meet his gaze with a pattering heart and a smile matching his own

“,,,of course.”

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mk-wizard · 3 years

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Sailor Moon 90s Anime is STILL the best

Hi. I know I am on a Sailor Moon binge here, but after seeing all of Crystal, Eternal and on R (season 2) of the first anime, I want to get this all off of my chest... and before I go further, since these are all animes, I will refer to them as 90s, Crystal and Eternal. And after watching them all, I have to say that the 90s takes the gold medal as the best Sailor Moon anime so far and this is why;

1- It had the best pacing. - While I admit that sometimes, it went too far with the filler, 98% of the time, it worked with the 90s. It took its time to make you get to know the characters for better or for worse, it made you see different sides of them, it gave them a chance to truly develop and be multi-dimensional, and it made you care about them. When a death happened, it felt tragic. When a victory happened, you cheered. And when you saw what side characters did, it mattered. I mean, who can ever forget the contribution 90s Naru Osaka had to the story? And everyone who has seen the 90s anime cannot forget her. More on the character development and getting to know characters later.

Sure, it wasn’t true to the manga and even the characters had different personalities, but I let that slide by because when Crystal and Eternal did follow the manga to the letter, we didn’t get a chance to digest anything. The only characters who develop are Usagi, Chibi-Usa and the outer guardians, and for the last bunch, it was the bare minimum. Crystal and Eternal were fun rides and I would be lying if I said I didn’t like them, but they were like roller coasters. They gave you a thrill, but fast and been done. The 90s was like a slow scenic ride that gave you surprises, emotionally touched you, made you cry, made you laugh, made you root for the heroes and even at the age of 37 years now, I keep rewatching this series.

2- The art of the 90s was better because it was sketchy, dark and edgier. - I know Sailor Moon doesn’t seem like this on the surface because the heroines are lovely girls in cute costumes, it emphasizes femininity and all things pretty, it has a romantic theme and is all about love, but Sailor Moon is also one of the darkest, grittiest, edgy and violent magical girl animes I have ever seen since Magic Knights Rayearth. Sailor Moon has on screen deaths which were permanent most of the time, on screen stabbings and the drawing of blood, and fights that got so hardcore, that real punches and kicks were thrown. The dark edges, black line art and sharp edges worked with the atmosphere of the story. I mean, look at the difference between the halls Dark Kingdom of the 90s (above) and that of Crystal.

And if that is not enough to win you over, the characters were much more animated, organic and conveyed more emotion whether they were exaggerated or serious.

In Crystal, the expressions and body language was very dulled down. Not to mention, very stiff.

Everything is also too bright and soft which makes the characters look like velvet dolls with too much make up especially with the line art. I will give them props for adding better details, cleaner lines, the glow of magical items, and details in the gems, but everything else is all wrong.

Eternal was better, but still not quite there. The colours are still way too bright and the characters still look too much like dolls from having line art that is too wispy. And I really do not like how the eyes have this unnatural glow to them. The edgy scenes become lost with all this brightness.

3- We got to see that there was so much more the characters than just heroes or villains. - Since Usagi is the titular character, let us just talk about her in the 90s since I could go on forever about how much we learned about the characters. In any version of Sailor Moon, Usagi’s role as a Sailor Guardian has always been the core of the story and she does indeed show progress as one. However, the 90s tells us that no matter what, she is still going to be herself too which is just as important and she shows character development as just plain old Usagi too. The manga, Crystal and Eternal which only paint Usagi as not doing anything right except be a Sailor Guardian, but the 90s show her hidden talents and learning new skills. For example, she was bad at cooking at the beginning of the series.

However, by Sailor Moon R, she gets the hang of it and is able to cook a meal by herself. Yes, she is messy, clumsy, never gets the hang of making cookies and is nowhere near Makoto’s level especially when it comes to presentation, but she is good at cooking food.

Another hidden talent of Usagi’s is her drawing skills. She isn’t just good at drawing. She’s got talent at it, so in the 90s, Usagi is quite the artist.

And it is admirable that 90s Usagi is open to trying new things even if she isn’t good at them. She practices, she explores and tries to enlighten herself. Sure, academics, coordination and organization will never be her fortes, but she really does have other and tries to discover more.

In Crystal and Eternal, she is good at being Sailor Moon, she is a good friend and a good girlfriend, but that is it. She is one dimensional here and she isn’t the only one to painted like that. Everyone is only the obvious and that is all the audience gets.

4- Better character redemption. - I mentioned before that Sailor Moon had grit and was dark, but the 90s also made it more complex and did character redemption right. It was open to the possibility of bad people becoming good. For instance, the Black Moon Clan Specter Sister are unforgettable for being successfully redeemed.

Yes, I admit that the monster of the day would get killed by the hands of the Sailor Guardians, but they also clearly showed that the monsters were not people or even alive. They were made of energy, clay or sand. When the monster of the day was a possessed innocent, they were saved through exorcism. Very rarely was an actual person ever killed and even when they were, it was either by the hands of another villain, their own hand, self defense or as a last resort. They never used killing as means of dealing with every single bad guy.

Furthermore, the bridge arc about the Makai Tree that also served as a prologue to Sailor Moon R could be seen as a story about mercy, kindness and love. It stands out as the one time the big bad was actually a misunderstood big good being the Makai Tree herself. And even Ail an An were never bad, but were raised bad. And even then, they changed. This story is unique only to the 90s so far, but it was great and stood out for that reason.

In Crystal, the heroines will kill a person without a second thought which I am shocked that no one brings up how repetitive and contradictory that is. The pretty warrior of love and justice should by all means protect the Earth, but doing so by killing off the bad guy all time is not love or justice. I also think the caption in this picture sums up how I feel about how the one and only time bad guys were given a chance to be redeemed...

Eternal was better because the Asteroid Guardians got redeemed and saved. However, even then, I feel like there is still a double standard. They were one of the good guys to begin with and Sailor Guardians. In the 90s, the Amazoness Quartet wasn’t, but were given a chance to change anyway. I find it cool that the Quartet turned out to be Sailors and even better that they will go on to become Chibi-Usa’s team, but mercy is not just for your allies or for your own benefit. Everyone should be given at least one chance to fix their mistakes.

5- We got to know Mamoru better. - I admit that no matter the incarnation, Tuxedo Mask will never be as powerful as Sailor Moon except when he is King Endymion, but the 90s take on his character made him better even if they did omit his super attack being Tuxedo le Smoking Bomber. What the well dressed masked man lacked in firepower, he made up for in intelligence, insight about the enemy’s weakness, courage and skill. The only times he ever did get overpowered was either by bad luck or because it was intentional because he was taking a hit for Sailor Moon. And even then, he always got back up. He’s a real man like that.

More importantly, we get to know him as Mamoru too. Even before he confides being an amnesiac to Usagi, we see his struggles with feeling alone in the world from having no memory of his life before a tragic accident which also killed his parents. Now, him being a stern cynical person makes sense because I probably wouldn’t be pleasant to be around either if I lived with that. Once his walls come down, we see that deep down, all he wants is to belong somewhere and have a family. It should also be noted that 90s Mamoru doesn’t love Usagi because he is “destined” to. He loves her because he wants to. Even during that brief period where he broke up with Usagi was an act of love. The thing I also always liked best about 90s Mamoru is that even though he loves Usagi more than life itself, his life doesn’t revolve around her which is a healthy thing and he tries to encourage Usagi to be the same way for her own good. He is studying to be a doctor, he has a job and he even has his own crowd which I think is great.

In Crystal and Eternal, while I do see an attempt at trying to follow this trend by showing that Usagi and Mamoru were on their way to falling in love even before they got their memories back, I still find he was one note and we never really learn much about him that has nothing to do with Tuxedo Mask, Endymion or anything royal related. Sure, we know that he’s studying to be a doctor and is a genius to an extent too, but that is it.

I would like to end this by admitting that the 90s was not perfect either, but out of all the takes on the tale of Sailor Moon as of date. Crystal and Eternal were ok, but they just cannot stand up to the quality of the 90s. The only thing I can say I find Crystal did better than the 90s were the costume designs. Specifically, how they let Venus keep her chain belt, Pluto’s key chain belt, Uranus and Neptune’s shorter gloves, Uranus’s sword, Uranus having two earrings, Mercury’s suit is shoulder less which I always found suited her better, and I liked Sailor Moon’s brooch and necklace better in season 1.

And even then, I should have liked it if Jupiter’s antenna was always on display as it is just something I always found cute in the manga, I liked Mars’ five point star earrings better in the 90s, and I like how in the 90s, each of the Inner Guardians’ sailor stripes were a little different.

Of course, this is all my opinion. I would like to hear which of the animes did Sailor Moon right in your opinion and why. Thanks for reading and stay safe, and have a great day.

#sailor moon anime #sailor moon reboot #sailor moon crystal #sailor moon eternal #pretty guardian sailor moon #pretty guardian sailor moon crystal #bishoujo senshi sailor moon #90s anime #sailor moon 90s #character development #storytelling #quality #critique

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geekgirles · 3 years

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Mirrors

Considering Lies premieres tomorrow, I thought it would be best to upload this now.

And here is part 2 of my analysis on Kagami acting as a reflection of both Marinette and Adrien. This time I’ll be discussing how Kagami is a foil to Marinette and vice versa.

Part 1

Marinette & Kagami

It’s undeniable that these two have as many similarities as they do differences. In a way, they are both as alike as peas in a pod, as they are opposites from each other. And no, the irony of this duality is not lost on me.

Just like Kagami needs to be similar to Adrien for him to bond with her, she also needed to be similar to Ladybug, and by extension Marinette, for him to develop an interest in her.

Both of them are strong, confident, capable, and independent girls who will not hesitate to jump into action if the situation calls for it. Both are also kind and loving, and they care greatly for their friends and loved ones. And have many physical similarities as well. Both are of Asian descent, their hair as it’s pictured in the show is very similar, both have pale skin and freckles, the colour red is very present in both their colour palettes (the difference being that red and black are present in Kagami and Ryuuko’s colour palettes, while in Marinette’s case it’s only there as Ladybug)...

Come on, don’t pretend you don’t remember that theory about Adrien thinking Kagami was Ladybug when the trailer for Riposte first came out.

But just as they have many things in common, they are also incredibly different on their approach to certain things. So different, in fact, that one’s weaknesses become the other’s strengths.

Insecurity:

Now, what really tells Marinette and Kagami apart is their confidence as civilians.

If we compare their “introductory” episodes, there is a clear contrast between the two.

For this we’ll be counting Origins as Marinette’s debut. When the episode starts, Marinette’s demeanour is a stark contrast to the optimistic personality we’ve grown used to. From the moment her alarm woke her up to Sabine’s words of encouragement, Marinette was already defeated. Having spent four years in a row as Chloé’s punching bag had really taken its toll on her, and she believed that year would be no different.

Unlike the Marinette we were familiar with up until that point, who, not only confronted Chloé on a regular basis, but was also brave enough to sass her, the moment she made it clear she wanted the seats behind Nino, Marinette just went along with it and took what now are Chloé and Sabrina’s current seats. And she didn’t get any more confident until Alya spoke up and befriended her.

At the same time, in both parts of the episode, it wasn’t until things were dire that Marinette got a grip of herself and accepted that she was Ladybug and it was her duty to protect everyone. And yet, she still needed Chat Noir’s support to finally become the superhero she is today.

Kagami, by contrast, showed a great level of confidence in Riposte. The only time she looked insecure was before getting akumatised, when we got a glimpse of her lonely life and the high expectations that were set on her. But other than that, she arrived at M. Argencourt’s class and immediately asked to face off against his best student.

Kagami was well aware of her worth and talent as a fencer and was not going to settle for anything less than the proper chance to show off her skills.

During her match with Adrien her strikes were fast and precise, her focus, unwavering, and her movements fluid but intense. So when the match came to an end she was anxious to see she had proven herself as the superior fencer, for she spent her whole life honing her skills to prove just that.

Kagami takes great pride in her skills and who she is as a person. So it is to be expected that an exaggeration of that pride would be apparent as Riposte, where they turned into arrogance and a sense of superiority.

Of course, another crucial aspect reflects on the relationship each has with Adrien.

As Kagami herself pointed out in Frozer, Marinette is incredibly insecure when it comes to Adrien. Because her crush usually manifests itself in her getting tongue-tied, bouts of clumsiness, and embarrassing herself in front of him, she is very reluctant to be honest about her feelings for him. Because all that only gives her more reasons to worry and fear she’ll be rejected.

There’s also the fact that they don’t get to spend much time together. Marinette’s anxiety in Backwarder was fuelled by the fact that Kagami would get to spend a lot of time alone with Adrien in a memorable setting. Add to that all the fencing lessons Marinette knows they’ve had together, and the date she had no choice to witness, and it all becomes very painful to her.

In other words, Marinette knows that, logically speaking, Kagami has more chances to get together with Adrien than she does, which only makes it harder for her to admit her own feelings.

By contrast, Kagami knows her worth. She knows she’s talented, she shares lots of things with Adrien, they spend time together, and he even confided his insecurities in her.

To her, being with Adrien just makes sense. Her whole life she’s been told to achieve her goals, no matter the obstacles; and her feelings for Adrien should be no different.

Recklessness:

We’ve already mentioned Kagami is more reckless as Ryuuko than as a civilian when we compared her to Adrien. But it’s worth mentioning that the situation inverts itself when compared to Marinette.

One of Marinette’s biggest flaws is her impulsivity. Being impulsive has led her to some terrible consequences, but while that trait sometimes transfers itself to her role as Ladybug (Bubbler, Volpina), most of the time Marinette’s civilian self is the one rushing into things, as opposed to Ladybug, who’s a master at strategising.

I wholeheartedly believe that’s the writers’ way of “balancing things out.” Adrien, as himself, doesn’t make mistakes often. Furthermore, the few times he’s been the cause of someone’s akumatisation, he was never directly responsible for it. Some other factor played a role: like his fans getting in the way of Gorilla when he was looking for him, the fact that the decision of his match with Kagami fell upon Marinette, who had never before practiced the sport; his father’s need to cover his tracks…

His biggest mistakes he makes as Chat Noir. Why? Because he doesn’t have to be the golden child, so he doesn’t have to be as cautious with his actions. To put it simply, Kagami’s the same.

Meanwhile, Marinette is painfully aware of the heavy burden she carries on her shoulders as Ladybug. Her very first mission went wrong because she made a mistake and didn’t purify the akuma! So she’s learned to be focused and to take her job seriously. Because when she does make a mistake as Ladybug, it hits her hard.

Just compare her usual demeanour to how she acted as Lady Noire! It’s the first time that I can think of that she was genuinely having fun while saving the day! She said so herself: “It’s a lot easier on the shoulders.”

As Marinette, however, that’s usually when she gets to make mistakes. Since her parents aren’t controlling and she’s lived a normal life until the day she helped Master Fu out, her civilian self is usually when she can afford to be herself, make mistakes, and just be a normal girl.

Her secret identity is where her freedom is. At least until she became the new guardian...

I know I haven’t talked a lot about Kagami, but that is because with the parallels between Adrien and Marinette it’s pretty much explained.

Moving on:

As I mentioned when I elaborated on this same aspect with Adrien and Kagami, Marinette has less trouble moving on from him than Kagami.

I know this might seem a bit contradictory with the way she suffered over her unrequited crush on Adrien in the season 3 finale and the New York special, and it’s true. Marinette is hurting immensely over her feelings for Adrien. But she actually has less trouble than Kagami because she has at least tried to move on!

Among the several factors that set Marinette apart from Adrien’s other suitors (beside the fact that she is the girl he’s in love with or that Chloé and Lila are actually antagonists) a crucial one is that Marinette always puts Adrien before herself. And if that means letting him go, so be it.

Every time Adrien himself expresses a desire to be with somebody in front of Marinette she immediately tries to comply with his wishes and help him be with that other person, not once confessing how much that hurts her. She probably doesn’t say anything either because she doesn’t want Adrien to worry about her when he should be focusing on that other girl.

Deep down, both Marinette and Kagami try to do what’s best for Adrien.

But while Marinette thinks the best she can do is step aside and let him go (not knowing the best she could do is be honest with her feelings for him because that’s the only thing that’s keeping Adrien from realising his own feelings for her), Kagami believes she is what’s best for Adrien.

And because she believes they are meant to be, she keeps pushing and pursuing him even when it’s obvious they’re not on the same page. Adrien is comfortable around her on a platonic level, but the moment they try to go for the romantic route, he hesitates. Because deep down he knows he doesn’t care about Kagami the same way she cares about him, but he keeps trying to move on from Ladybug instead of being honest with himself and Kagami.

Just like Kagami prefers to wait until he feels the same way about her before acknowledging that might never happen and letting him go.

Which could play an important role in Lies...

That is the difference between Marinette and Kagami. While Marinette pulls herself away from Adrien, Kagami pushes forward.

Connection with Adrien:

This is where Kagami truly has the advantage over Marinette. She gets to share many more things with Adrien than her.

Besides their very similar backgrounds, their own parents’ partnership allows for many instances where it can be just the two of them. Adrien is the only friend Tomoe fully approves of, while Gabriel only really encourages his son’s friendship with Kagami over his other friends because that will strengthen whatever deal he’s got going on with Tomoe.

And so, Adrien and Kagami are together in fencing, they go to London together, they spend their time together at the premiere of Ladybug and Chat Noir’s movie, they get to sneak out together and have fun!

Marinette, on the other hand… she doesn’t get to do any of that with Adrien.

She only ever spends some time alone with him either because it’s an extracurricular activity (the gaming tournament, their fencing session in Riposte) or because they happen to stumble upon each other (Gorizilla).

It was precisely that that got Marinette so down in Glaciator. Seeing how she was the only one that was alone when they were all supposed to do one of Paris’ most romantic activities together reminded her of just how far away from her Adrien actually is. And it’s precisely his unavailability that leads her to find some solace in Luka, who unlike Adrien is always there for her, because he can be there for her!

The amount of time they spend together has brought Kagami and Adrien close, which doesn’t go unnoticed by Marinette.

Having said that, things are much more different when we analyse the way Adrien acts around the two…

Adrien’s relationship with them:

Despite Adrien’s similarities to Kagami and the many chances he has to be with her, it’s actually Marinette who’s higher up in his priority list and whom he’s more comfortable with.

Adrien cares for Kagami and is clearly doing his best to try to have a good relationship with her, but for better or worse it’s Marinette who always comes first.

The best example of this would be Frozer.

Adrien was trying his hardest to have a good date with Kagami and give her his full attention, and yet, the moment he saw Marinette fall or get out of the ice rink looking dejected, he immediately went to check on her. He ditched his date twice for Marinette’s sake.

Not only that, but there’s also his reaction to any of them getting hurt because of Lila. It was Lila hurting Marinette that pushed him over the edge enough to threaten to cut ties with her unless she undid what she’d done and get Marinette to come back to school.

Adrien was absolutely furious at Lila for hurting Marinette.

Look how devastated he is on her behalf!

You might say it had to do with Adrien having warned her already in Oni-Chan. Which, true, was partly for Kagami’s sake since Lila’s lies had harmed her to the point of akumatisation. But there is a difference:

Even when Oni-Chan went to Adrien, he still believed Lila only wanted attention. It wasn’t until Ladybug almost got killed that he realised just how ruthless and monstrous Lila truly is. Not only that, but Adrien never mentioned Kagami being akumatised as a reason to keep his distance from Lila, he only said she had gotten Nathalie and Gorilla in trouble.

As true as that is, it’s not like Adrien couldn’t have brought Oni-Chan up. Sure, the true reason for him losing hope in Lila changing for the better was her trying to get rid of Ladybug even when they were trying to save her; it makes sense he wouldn’t bring that up. But Kagami? We’re talking about Miraculous Ladybug’s Paris. Where people get turned into superpowered villains every single day! It’s not like it wouldn’t have made sense if he’d said “Because of you, Kagami got akumatised.” And yet, despite trying to comfort Kagami after the whole ordeal, her akumatisation actually had very little to do with Adrien’s warning to Lila.

But when she went after Marinette… Oh, boy! Did the tables turn!

Ladybug didn’t even have to be involved for Adrien to go “I’m about to ruin this girl’s whole career” on Lila! Adrien was ballistic because it was Marinette Lila was messing with, and he wasn’t having any of it.

That says a lot about who Adrien is closer to.

As I mentioned above, his bond with Kagami allows him to rebel against his father and his expectations on him a little, something he doesn’t do as freely with Marinette. Because if the two are together while Adrien runs away from Gabriel is usually a coincidence; with Kagami it’s all on purpose.

And yet, Marinette is the one Adrien feels more comfortable with.

Aside from Ladybug (oh, sweet irony), Marinette is the character Adrien has opened up to the most. In Gamer he showed her a glimpse of his most insecure side, in Glaciator (as Chat Noir, sure, but it still counts) he confessed his feelings for Ladybug to her, in Gorizilla he talked about his mother to her, in Frozer he asked her for help regarding Kagami, and in the New York special it was her who he thought could work a miracle and get him to stay.

And don’t get me started on Adrien’s love language.

As of The Puppeteer 2 and Oblivio it’s been established that while Marinette shows her love through actions (usually handmade gifts), Adrien shows his by being open about what he feels. But he doesn’t just talk about how he feels, he touches people to show just that.

If Adrien’s close to you, he’ll show physical affection.

And we all know who he’s more touchy-feely than any other character in the show.

Adrien is constantly looking for Marinette’s touch, while Kagami is usually the one to initiate physical contact.

Adrien might be able to do things with Kagami he can’t do with anybody else, but Marinette is the one he’s closest to.

Zodiac signs:

I already did an analysis on this back in the day, but I think what I discovered from it it’s important to point out since it’ll help understand and summarise the way Marinette and Kagami’s characters reflect each other’s better.

In the French dub of Ikari Gozen, instead of the Chinese Zodiac, they talked about their Western horoscope. Marinette said she was Leo and Kagami was Scorpio. Those signs are opposites. Leo is a fire sign while Scorpio is a water sign. But that doesn’t mean they aren’t compatible at all…

(Although, considering Leo is self-reliant, confident, has bravado, and is honest, while Scorpio relies more on strategies and wits, I’d say they got their signs mixed up a little).

Their compatibility per se is low, but there is a great attraction between the two, albeit hindered by their usual clashing. This is shown through the many things the two have in common, but since they used to assess the other without truly getting to know her and their own feelings for Adrien, there was a lot of friction between Kagami and Marinette.

Both signs are jealous. However, while Leo is jealous due to pride, Scorpio’s jealousy comes from a desire to control. Both Kagami and Marinette have displayed jealousy issues. In Marinette’s case, it could be argued she felt jealous towards Chloé, Lila, and Kagami because she didn’t think they were actually good enough for Adrien or better than her. I mean, Chloé is an egotistical, sell-centred bully and as of Miracle Queen, a traitor. Lila is an unrepentant liar, a manipulator, and an enemy to Paris (even if only Ladybug and Chat Noir are aware of it, to some extent). And before she got to know Kagami, Marinette thought she was cold and rude (her brutally honest responses can be seen as this).

Based on that, there’s no way any of them are better for Adrien than she is!

On the contrary, once she got to know Kagami her jealousy comes from the fact that, perhaps, Kagami is more suitable to be his girlfriend than she is.

Kagami, on the other hand, could have displayed jealous behaviour over Adrien because, as her only friend, she felt threatened by him having a life and friends outside of her, who (until Ikari Gozen) only has her family, her responsibilities, and him.

Basically, these two being Leo and Scorpio explains their relationship pretty well. They have enough things in common and enough differences to attract each other and have a good friendship, but at the same time that can also stirr issues between the two.

Final thoughts:

Despite Adrien and Kagami’s similarities, they still have many issues to solve before they can truly be sure if they want to be in a relationship or remain friends. Kagami is sure of what she wants, but that sometimes can clash with Adrien’s own feelings, making their relationship go through a rocky path. Adrien is making an effort to move on and be a good boyfriend to Kagami, but they are not in the same place in the relationship; Kagami is ready for more, while Adrien still has problems of his own to move on from.

This might come to a head in Lies. Truth came as a bit of a surprise to us because we actually expected Lukanette would break up because of Marinette’s feelings for Adrien, but that actually had very little to do with anything! Lukanette ended up breaking up because Marinette is very literally carrying the weight of the world over her shoulders. Her responsibilities as Ladybug are overlapping with, and eventually destroying, her civilian life. Lukanette broke up because of external reasons!

But if Adrigami were to break up in Lies, that would be, or at least should be, for internal reasons. Since Chat Noir wasn’t chosen as guardian of the miraculous, his responsibilities as a hero don’t tie him down nearly as much as they do Marinette (in the previous analysis we already discussed how they actually give him freedom), so it wouldn’t make sense if Kagami and him broke up because of it.

It could have something to do with it, but I can actually picture Kagami pointing out Adrien is not as invested in the relationship as she is better. Maybe she could even point out his feelings for Marinette, which she had suspected of since Riposte. But having Adrien realise that in the second episode would be a tad soon, so I’m not getting my hopes up.

The thing is, if Adrigami breaks up tomorrow, it would make sense if it actually were because of Adrien being more in love with Ladybug (Marinette) than with Kagami. Because the narrative has actually been pointing at something like that happening.

As for Marinette and Kagami, I just hope they remain good friends even after Adrigami breaks up. Because the two would be able to understand each other’s feelings better. As much as the girls want to help Marinette out, none of them really know how being in love with Adrien is really like. They don’t know what it is like to get their hopes up, thinking they’ll get to be alone with him, only for him to cancel or make some change in the plans. Kagami and Marinette do.

More importantly, the way each feels regarding where they stand in their relationship with him foils the other’s and ultimately all depends on Adrien.

Marinette sabotages herself by not being honest with her feelings and hesitating, but it’s Adrien who seeks to get closer to her. Kagami is sure of herself and her feelings, but it’s Adrien’s hesitation that hinders the development of their relationship.

Because those two misjudged Adrien and warmed up to him when he showed himself as an honest, caring boy. Kagami and Marinette fell in love with Adrien for his honesty and his good heart, when he literally tended a peace offering to them. And it’s precisely like that how they came to be friends.

And it would be a pity if they lost each other because of a boy.

@miraculouslycool & @flightfoot

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clean-bands-dirty-stories · 3 years

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Drive By ~ part 3

A/n: HELLO I FINALLY DID IT!! This part was hard until I finally rediscovered a few songs that FUELED this part (namely “Falling” by Harry Styles and “Far Away” by Nickelback) and then I managed to finish it! Hope you guys liked it :)

Warnings: Some depressive tendencies (distancing, slight disassociation, etc.). Internalized homophobia. Demonizing of soulmates. Bigoted opinions (Luke and Reggie make fun of them)

Word Count: 5800+

MASTERLIST

Luke and Reggie hadn't been the same since seeing Y/n again, but in very different ways.

Whatever Luke was on, it could only be described as overcompensating. His energy was higher than ever, and he could never quite sit still. His voice was louder, and he talked more. He never stopped talking. It stopped making sense after a while, but Julie and Alex were too worried to stop him. When they tried, his face went blank and his shoulders seemed to slouch and he stopped dead. It was like he'd been slapped... There was a sort of distance in the way he looked at everyone, and talked, and even engaged. He didn't even really process the whole shebang with Caleb, he just stuck very close to Reggie.

And then there was Reggie. He was already kind of off to begin with. He was smart, but he tended to zone out sometimes, and when he tuned back in he'd missed something important and was super lost as to what was happening. Or, someone would say something and he would get the wrong meaning, like the context of the situation had gone just over his head. It was adorable above anything else, and the boys loved to gently tease him about it... but now it wasn't something light hearted and funny. He did a lot of sitting and staring off into space and being silent, and it was very much not like him at all. Usually when he got upset all one had to do was talk to him about one of the things he really loved, but even that was a dead end conversation these days.

Julie, Flynn, and even Alex were all completely lost on what to do with either boy. They still responded when spoken to, and if they had to pitch in they did. Luke still wrote songs and Reggie still hung out with Ray and had Carlos' back and Luke still visited his parents and they both still performed. Luke still seemed to be there when Julie gave "Unsaid Emily" to Luke's parents. They were both still THERE when they were needed, it was just in the little hours. In the small moments, they were... far away. They looked through people and seemed to drift far too much. They were spiraling in a very hidden sort of way and no one knew how to even begin to help.

It was a relief at the end of the day that they could take comfort in each other. Neither had to talk about it, so still no one knew that Y/n and Reggie - and also maybe Luke and Reggie as well - were soulmates. It was written off as Reggie and Y/n being best friends. The two had always understood each other better than the others did. They had soft conversations and secret jokes that lead to exchanged looks no one could quite catch up on. Losing Y/n had been as much a weight on Reggie as it had on Luke. It had been the most clear in those last days. Luke could see the unsettled, unfinished business resting in Reggie's eyes. It had been the same look Luke had seen in his own eyes after the argument with his parents. Every day he hadn't gone back, and when Julie had called him from the dead and he'd gone home and felt it in his very bones. He saw that look, that feeling, in Reggie clearly. Which made sense, considering that Reggie and Y/n had ended in an argument the same way Luke and Y/n had. The pair had never really recovered after that last argument. Reggie had been the one to encourage Luke to let it go when Luke's tattoo had gone grey... and now it was all a mess.

Reggie understood the mix of joy and pain that Luke felt when he'd seen Y/n. Had realized that Y/n had died around when they did. That he was still their age, a ghost just like them, and within reach... theoretically. That's where the bitter came in.

It was nighttime that was the biggest relief.

Luke and Reggie spent most of it cuddling, clinging to each other like they did when they were kids. That night, both of them were having a hard time sleeping as was usual of recent. Ghosts didn't really have to sleep, but they did get physically exhausted every once in a while. Usually a good sit down with a side of relaxation would be enough, but sleeping lessened the overwhelming amount of down time the boys found themselves in, with no one else to talk to but Julie and nothing else to do but sit around and write music, and nothing else to think about than all the mistakes they'd made and the people they'd lost and the things they'd left behind. When one's mind ran that quickly, sleep would have been a relief. Except that a racing mind rarely if ever allowed one to rest, especially if it wasn't required.

So they stayed awake and they talked and they let the time pass as quickly as possible.

"Do you really think you could still fit in the kid swings?" Luke giggled, nose scrunched in that adorable way that always made Reggie's heart race.

"Oh absolutely," Reggie responded with a warm smile of his own. His insides always warmed in these moments, despite how cold he'd felt since seeing Y/n again. Luke seemed to make that connection Reggie lost feel... whole again. Like the thing that had broken in him since losing Y/n was just about fixed. Y/n really had meant a lot to Reggie, and as amazing as Alex and Flynn and Julie were and how important they all were to him, Luke was just different.

A soft breath escaped between Luke's lips then, and his large, green, sparkly eyes found Reggie's. "Thank you Reggie. I don't think I've really laughed since-" His smile faltered. "In a while." His forehead pressed to Reggie's shoulder. "You're my best friend, Reg. I hope you know."

Reggie hummed. "Yeah sure." He noticed the way Luke's eyes zoned out again, getting duller as they zoomed in on the freckles across Reggie's neck and arms. "You okay, Lu?"

For the first time since being asked that question multiple times every day by all of his other friends, Luke was honest. "No." His voice was suddenly very broken.

There was a mixed feeling about this whole thing. Reggie understood Luke perfectly, and how sideways this whole situation was. He knew nothing could make it better, or ease the pain. Nothing but time, if even that. This didn't stop Reggie from WANTING to help though. To ease that pain, and lessen it. To make Luke feel better. All he could do was offer himself, knowing how much it just wouldn't be enough.

"Come here." Reggie opened his arms and Luke rolled onto his side so their bodies were pressed together. Luke's shoulder nestled under one of Reggie's collar bones; Luke's head pressed into Reggie's neck. He didn't mean to, but Luke was warm and he wanted so desperately to say something that when his mouth opened... "I'm sorry I'm not him."

Luke's head moved back, his shoulder pressing more into Reggie's chest as their eyes locked. "What does that mean?" Luke's head tilted, eyebrows dipping in silent accusation. No, not accusation. Worry.

Reggie's eyes jerked to the side. "I just... I wish I could give you some closure. Or just talk to him. Or just have him back. I wish I could actually help, instead of just laying here every night and settling with just distracting you." He shrugged.

One of Luke's hand rose to hold the side of Reggie's face, maneuvering it so they were forced to look at each other again. "Reggie, you're enough. Just you. You've always been enough, you have to know that." His eyes were so sincere... They were so bright and honest and earnest.

What else was Reggie to do but believe him?

Suddenly there was a warmth where Luke's shoulder touched Reggie's chest. It was that moment both boys realized two things. First, it was the same shoulder that Y/n had touched the night the two boys had met. Second, Reggie's collar had fallen down, pushed aside in all the squirming around so the same spot Y/n had touched the night they'd had that special heart to heart was exposed, pressed to Luke's shoulders. What followed next was a completely new realization. Their soulmate marks were touching, skin to skin, and there was a distinct, familiar feeling because of it. A tingling. The same tingling both boys had felt anytime Y/n had touched their soulmate mark. The same feeling they'd gotten the night they'd received those special marks. The two nights that had become two of three nights that had changed everything. Just as it was all about to change again.

Reggie jerked away very suddenly. He scrambled to his feet and then suddenly disappeared. Luke was a second slower, just behind him. Too late to stop him. He scrambled after Reggie though, appearing on the floor rather than in the loft where they'd been before. Just in time to see Reggie tripping over himself to get to the mirror in the bathroom. Luke followed, just in time to see Reggie yank down his shirt to reveal-

Two roses, stems crossed over the other like an 'x'. Just black ink outline, like a coloring page before it's been colored in. The same exact rose that had been on Luke's shoulder and Reggie's neck, but two this time. The same roses that had been on Y/n's palm the night he'd given Reggie a soul mark as he had given Luke one.

Luke turned his body, showing his shoulder in the mirror as well.

The same two roses in the same exact fashion showed on his shoulder.

Reaching out, Luke pulled Reggie's shoulder so they were facing each other. "Reggie... what the hell?" He was even more nervous when Reggie looked back with eyes that had answers. Answers Luke was worried he might very much not want to know.

"What are you doing?"

The small boy looked up to see another small boy. Both of them had green eyes and brown hair - that was the first notice. "I'm playing guitar," the second small boy answered the first.

"No you're not," the first argued. "That's not a guitar. It's a- a- well, its a stick with string tied to it is what it is. And it has too many strings at that!"

The second boy hid the stick behind his back, his chubby face screwing up in anger. It was like a pouting puppy, and the first small boy had to admit it was... kind of adorable. "It IS a guitar," the adorable boy huffed. "What do you know about guitars anyway."

A smile adorned the face of the first boy. "My mom has one. She said I could have it one day."

The adorable boy tilted his head. "Well I guess you're lucky then."

The first boy laughed. "Would you like to play it some day?" The adorable looked shocked, and the first boy smiled even wider. "Thought so. What's your name?"

"Luke," the adorable boy answered. "Yours?"

"Reginald. I... don't like it though." Reginald scrunched his nose, shaking his head.

Luke nodded. "What about a sort of nickname then? Something you like more." Reginald sat next to Luke, and the not-guitar-actually-a-stick was abandoned in favor of the conversation. "There's all sort of odd, funny ones. Like um, Gin."

"That's even worse," Reginald complained.

Luke giggled. "Uh, how about Ginny?" Reginald only had to glare for Luke to rush out, "Okay okay okay, HUGE no on that then. I suppose... well you could be totally boring and go with Reggie."

"What's wrong about boring?" Reginald asked immediately. "You need a little bit of it to make everything else interesting." As Luke went to respond, Reginald continued, "Plus, look who's talking! Luke is the most normal name I've ever heard."

"It's short for Lukas," Luke defended.

"Even worse!" Reginald declared. "Why go with Luke? That's the most obvious nickname for Lucas!"

Luke nodded. "Yeah, but my name is spelled Lukas with a K. So it's cool."

After a second, Reginald nodded. "You can call me Ginny if I can call you Kas."

That made Luke bust up laughing. "You can call me Kas all you want. It's a fun nickname I think."

"I think I'll stick to Reggie though," Reggie decided.

Another nod from Luke. "That's fair." He hesitated a moment. "Wanna be friends?"

A grin like no other took Reggie's face, and Luke found his insides warm up and soften. "Absolutely."

Luke's mind was reeling.

Reggie was worrying. Exceedingly.

"Are you mad at me?" Reggie had never been known for holding his emotions in, and really neither had Luke.

Which is why it was no surprise when the guitarist suddenly looked up, eyes wide with surprise and expression open and honest. "Why would I be mad at you?"

For second, Reggie didn't know what to say. He didn't know how to explain the emotions in his chest that hurt so much. But then he looked into Luke's eyes, and the words came on their own. "I know things haven't been easy for you when it comes to mixing band members and romance. Or when it comes to soulmates." He shrugged. "It doesn't help that - I mean, we've changed a lot, and being with Julie has taught us so much. We've learned to accept a lot about ourselves, and we're lucky for that. But we were still born and raised in the 90's. And back then, soulmates were... bad."

Immediately, Luke sighed. Reggie realized it was in relief. "I feel like I'm behind. Like I didn't leave those fears behind when he got brought back. I still feel like... sometimes I still feel like loving Y/n is wrong. Like I need to keep it a secret and hide it away and push it down. I got so scared when Julie found about my soulmate mark - and then was so surprised when she was so casual about it. I still expect her to snap at me, or be secretly bitter that I'm asexual, or attracted to men. I don't know." he shook his head, sighing again. His shoulders sagged, and Reggie realized that he must feel so relieved to have lost whatever huge amount of stress he was carrying this entire time keeping that inside. "Does it make me a bad person? To flinch away from things like that? It's not that I hate it, I just-" He was obviously struggling.

Sitting down next to Luke, Reggie placed his hand on his friend's shoulder. "Luke you were conditioned from a kid to hate the things about yourself that are most important to you. Things that are ingrained in your coding." He chuckled, and Luke smiled. "Hell, I think even people who were born nowaday still struggle with it sometimes. It's programming. Subconscious. Your emotions don't make you - the way you react to them do."

At that, Luke finally completely relaxed, resting his head on Reggie's shoulder. "Do you ever realize that the only reason people back then demonized soulmates so much is just because it was one less thing they could control? Like, people back then really cared about power so much. Power over people specifically. Like I remember that week that our school did a campaign for fighting against soulmates-"

Reggie gasped. "Oh my god I remember that! They said it was brainwashing. Wasn't it like... like I remember it was so cool for a while, but then people of the same gender started to become soulmates and everyone lost their minds."

"Men and women balance each other out; same sex attraction is an easy way out and ultimately cheats people who deserve better," Luke mocked, his voice snapping and bitter. "This just proves that soulmates are of the devil!"

Reggie busted up laughing. "Don't remind me of Mrs. Kyde-" He snorted, leaning into Luke more, his face light up with a smile.

Luke shook his head. "People are so weird. Literally what does who anyone loves or marries or whatever have anything to do with anyone not involved in that relationship? You don't like the fact that I'm into men? Fine! Go be straight somewhere else." He rolled his eyes. "I hate thinking about how afraid I used to be. Of people finding out about Y/n and me. GOD we were so happy. And the way people treated him..." Suddenly the mood dropped, and Luke raised his hand to wipe away a tear. He scoffed softly. "Sorry."

"Don't be sorry for feeling things, Luke," Reggie reassured, raising his arm to wrap around Luke's shoulders and pull both of their bodies closer together.

Turning his head to thank Reggie, Luke stopped short when he then realized how close they were. "You know," he said softly. "It's so weird to realize you're my soulmate too." He smiled though, so Reggie didn't panic as much as he would have normally. "I mean, you were really right there from the beginning. We met in middle school. I was like. Tiny." Reggie giggled and both of them were suddenly smiling again. "You were there for all my worst phases."

Reggie groaned. "God you were my sexual awakening."

"I wasn't," Luke gasped, eyes wide.

"You were." Reggie laughed again, shaking his head. "I was CRUSHED when you started dating Alex. And then you two were so happy, and I saw how hard it was. Saw you guys figure that out, and then kind of devolve into just being friends. And then we started the band, and I realized it was just so much easier to stay friends with you."

"We took ages to figure that out," Luke recalled. "I don't think we ever really figure out personal space again."

Reggie nodded. "And then Y/n came along and I figured I could just jam with being friends. I was so used to it at that point, and there were so many things to be distracted by. Our band was gaining traction and people were talking to us. To me. You two were so happy, and it was a little dangerous and fun and I was so relieved that I hadn't done anything, because I was watching soulmates interact properly and it was everything I ever wanted. I was glad I hadn't gotten between that." His smile faded. "And then..."

"And then you and Y/n," Luke offered. Reggie nodded. After a few seconds of silence, Luke asked, "So what do we do now?"

Shrugging, Reggie looked back at Luke. "What do you want to do?"

Luke thought about that for a second. "Well I know how happy I was with Y/n, and now the stupid things I was worried about before just won't be a problem. No one can see us unless we perform, and the person who can always sees us doesn't care. We don't have to worry like Y/n and I did. And maybe we'll see Y/n again. But we might not, and even if we do it won't mean things are going to go back to what they were. Do you... like him?" Reggie hesitated, then nodded. "Do you like me?" With less hesitation came another nod. "Can I... try something?" Yet another nod, this time with no hesitation.

His heart racing, Luke took a leap of faith. He knew himself at this point. Knew that there was only really one way to figure out his emotions. If he tried to figure it out via analysis, he'd eventually over think it until nothing made sense and he was just more confused. So he did something he knew would work. He softly grabbed Reggie's face and pulled his best friend to him until they were kissing.

When their lips touched, something seemed to unlock in Reggie. He shuddered and Luke leaned back immediately, eyes wide with nervousness. But then he saw the way that Reggie leaned in after him and he felt his heart swell and his insides warm. Reggie looked at him, unsure, but then seemingly at the same time they both grabbed each other, meeting for a passionate kiss that set them both on fire.

All either of them could think for a while was... Finally.

Luke was so happy to see Y/n getting along so well with his friends. They had met only an hour ago and Alex and Y/n had already bonded over being attracted to men. Bobby was standing back a bit, unsure how to approach Y/n and the situation implied between this new boy and Luke. Bobby didn't mind it, he knew about Alex after all. It had just surprised him because he didn't know about Luke. On top of that, he DID very much know about Y/n and his reputation, so he didn't know what to do with this person that seemed so different than the one Bobby had heard about, being seemingly romantically involved with a dude who Bobby had been sure was straight until today. Reggie and Y/n had distracted from Bobby's awkwardness by hitting it off right out of the gate with how comfortable they were with physical affection, as well as the fact that Y/n just seemed to be so quickly aware of and good with Reggie's little odd ways of doing things that were always so different than how most other people did them. Y/n was extremely insightful, and a fast learner and those two skills came in handy now.

In fact, Y/n and Reggie were getting along so well that Alex and Bobby had settled by Luke. A calm, warm air had settled in the room just like it always did when they were all together. The studio attached to Bobby's house had become like a second home for the three boys. Luke hoped that would carry to Y/n to.

After introductions, Y/n stayed for a little band practice, grinning from ear to ear as he clapped between songs. It seemed to fuel Luke, which only fueled the others. Luke's energy had always been contagious to his best friends, and now was no different. It only took one song for Bobby to warm up to the surprises he'd had tonight and this stranger he wasn't sure what exactly to do with. By the end of it, Y/n was shouting so loud Luke had to come over and gently remind him it was getting late and people might handle a band playing, but they definitely would refuse to tolerate straight up screaming. When the sun began to set, they all headed out to sit on Bobby's roof and watch the sun set as they talked about that day's practice just like they always did. Except, instead of the usual criticism and praises and general discussion, they turned to Y/n to get an third person opinion. Their mistake too, because Y/n grabbed the opportunity immediately to drown them all in praise, sparing no second or word to tell them how amazing they were and how much he loved their music.

"You play at all?" Bobby asked as Y/n began to calm down, blushing as he got self conscious at how long he'd been talking.

Thankful for Bobby sensing his rising awkwardness and distracting him from it, Y/n shot the rhythm guitarist a warm smile. "My older sister did." His smile faltered and the other boys exchanged looks before Reggie - who knew enough about siblings to recognize when someone mentioned something about them they didn't want pressed - shook his head in a firm no.

Luke took that to heart - he always trusted Reggie's instincts - and let it go. "So you've been around music a lot then. Anything you've especially taken to? Favorite band?"

Y/n smirked, but none of them were fast enough to stop him from saying, "You guys of course." The others groaned, but Luke's eyes only widened and he blushed. Y/n winked.

Eventually everyone had to go to bed. Alex, Luke, and Reggie had stayed here hundreds of times easy, but Y/n was hesitant to join them tonight. When Bobby encouraged it, finally he gave in and curled up with Luke on the couch. The first to fall asleep - to everyone's surprise - was Y/n. Bobby, who always slept in the studio when the boys stayed over, smiled at Luke. "So you found your soulmate."

That of course made Luke just beam with joy. "Yeah." Y/n had fallen asleep on Luke's chest and it was the most comfortable Luke had ever been in his light. He loved the weight of Y/n on him, reminding him every single second that this was real. "It's everything I thought it was going to be," he mused dreamily. "He just fits, like a puzzle piece. I totally thought I had everything figured out and then this person drops into the middle of my life and suddenly there's a whole other half of this picture I was sure I'd finished a long time ago..." He shook his head. "It's great."

Reggie chuckled. "So great you took, what, a month and a half to tell us about him?"

Luckily Y/n was a heavy sleeper, because if he hadn't been Luke would have woken him up with how hard he flinched. "I just didn't know how you guys would have reacted. Y/n kind of has a reputation, and I don't care obviously, but he's been through a lot of shit with people who do care and if you guys hadn't all gotten along it would have been the worst." Alex went to say something and Luke rushed to add, "And it's not that I thought you guys were dicks or anything. I just had this... fear, anyway. I mean, I've been standing by the fact that I don't really like anyone for a while and that's why most things like this haven't worked out, and it's still weird and complicated but Y/n is helping me a LOT to figure out that some attractions are different than others and..." He sighed, eyes purposefully looking away from Alex.

Sensing the core of Luke's worry, Alex reached over and touched Luke's shoulder, a genuine smile on his face. "Luke, I'm happy for you. I'm glad you figured out all the stuff you were struggling so much with back then and that you can be happy now." There was an unspoken, 'even if it's not with me' that he didn't have to say.

After that, the conversation died pretty quickly, and Bobby and Alex went to sleep too.

"Do you still think we'll be able to cuddle and stuff?" Reggie asked softly, looking up from where he lay.

Rolling his eyes, Luke answered, "Of course Reggie. The only thing that's going to change is that I might be a little less needy. I'll always be your Kas."

That made Reggie settle more, smiling to himself. There was something about thinking of Luke as HIS that made butterflies flutter in his stomach. "Good because I might've had to fight your boyfriend if that wasn't the case."

Luke chuckled. "Go to bed, Gee." After all those years, Luke had finally come up with his own, original nickname for Reggie that didn't sound stupid, and they both loved it.

Getting more comfortable, Reggie decided to do just that, right after one final, "Goodnight, Kas."

A sleepy, "Goodnight, Gee," came from Luke as they both finally drifted into sleep along with the others.

Things had been complicated, but that had been the case for far too long now, and Reggie and Luke had done everything in their power to make it as simple as possible. With the threat of being erased from existence completely looming over their heads, and no way to mend things between them and Y/n, now was as good a time as ever to let go of the past and hold on to the little time they had now. And they made it work. Despite the fear. Despite the pain. Despite once again losing all of the things that could have been and that they so wanted to be, what they did have was their soulmate mark, and that MEANT something. For now, they'd be fine with that.

Tonight was supposed to be it. They'd said their goodbyes and lined up the performance up so the boys could pass on. But they weren't showing up, and Julie Molina knew her boys well. Too well to think they'd left her again, so that meant two things. They were doubled over in pain somewhere, too incapacitated to play. Or... they were already gone. It had been too late and they'd been destroyed Julie had to do this performance completely by herself. Performing after Panic at the Disco, in one of the most sought after local gigs. In a packed auditorium.

In that moment, Julie did the only thing she knew how to. She went to her mom for help.

Rose Molina didn't show up, but someone did. A boy, maybe one or two years older than him. He was completely decked in white. Just jeans a t-shirt and everyday shoes, except he didn't have even a speck of dust or shirt on him. He was so clean that under the moonlight in the dark, dim alleyway, the boy seemed to glow. He smiled to her and extended his arm, and in his hand was a single flower.

A Dahlia.

She took it, her eyes welling with tears. She'd asked for a sign, and a boy as close to angelic as one could get without causing a scene had shown up to give her the flower that had always been her mother's favorite. He turned around and began to walk away but she rushed after him, reaching to catch his arm. She gasped when her hand went right through him. He turned as if he felt it, that soft, warm smile still on his face.

"Who are you?" She asked with a voice filled with awe.

He seemed to get sheepish. "I'm not an angel, if that's that you're thinking."

"Then what are you?" Julie asked, stepping closer.

For a second, he just thought. "A friend," is what he gave her. "When you need me most, I'll be there. I can promise that." And then he rose a single hand and waved at her before disappearing in a fashion that she had seen more than plenty of times with the boys.

After, when she tried to recall anything special about the boy other than his pristine, perfectly clean white clothes, she remembered few things. She'd been too caught up in the moment that was already packed with stress and heavy emotion and shock to think about anything else. It wasn't until after, when the boys were better and Luke had grabbed Reggie's face and kissed him in pure relief that she thought about the boy again. It wasn't much longer later - just later that night - but that had brought him into her mind was a surprise. For the first time in a long time, Julie was seeing Luke without sleeves, and as he turned to grasp his boyfriend in the heat of the moment, Julie saw his soulmate mark. Except now, it was a little different. It had two roses instead of one.

It was the exact sane mark that had been on the boy in the white clothes' hand as he waved goodbye to her.

She rushed to him touching his shoulder with wide eyes. "Luke, your soulmate mark..."

Reggie got excited, unbuttoning his shirt a little to show the matching one he had on his upper chest. "We're soulmates, Julie. Didn't we tell you that?"

"Well yeah," Julie dismissed, looking between the to marks that not only matched each others' but also the one from earlier that had been on the mystery boy's hand. "But... it changed."

Luke and Reggie looked at each other and decided silently in that moment that they couldn't handle it. Not right now. Not on top of everything else. They couldn't talk about Y/n. So Luke told a half truth. "It changed."

Immediately Julie glared at Luke. "This didn't change Luke, it doubled. Soulmate marks don't do that. They fade at best. There's been three cases total in all of the history of visible soulmate marks that completely disappeared - it's extremely rare for them to even make room for new marks, let alone create a whole new one that looks that similar to the last one you had there." Her face relaxed. "You guys are both soulmates with Y/n."

Reggie sighed, his happiness and relief melting for despair. "Yeah." He shook his head. "But can we please not talk about that? We just barely didn't completely die, and-"

"But I know where to find him," Julie rushed urgently. The two boys froze.

"What?" Luke choked out.

Julie took off, out of the room and returning back again with the Dahlia she'd received from who she now knew to be Y/n. She knew that the boys had seen him when they'd been at Bobby's house, but at the time she hadn't known who to look for and had missed him. She had gotten a description of him though here and there a few times, and from what she knew, this had to be him. If anything, the mark was enough. She didn't know why it hadn't hit her the second she'd seen the two roses, so very similar to Luke's one she'd seen before, right in the place that she knew Y/n's mark to be. Pushing that out of her mind now, she held up the flower to the boys. "When I thought you guys were gone, I went into the alley and I asked my mom to-" her voice got suddenly think with emotion and she cleared her throat, shaking her head. "I asked for a sign. Anything to let me know she was still here and watching me. That she was like you guys, or maybe somewhere else. Helping. And then Y/n showed up with THIS and told me he was a friend and that I could call on him anytime I needed him. That he would be there for me."

Luke ran a hand through his hair. "How did you know it was him?" His voice was strained, but the message still came across.

"He waved at me before he disappeared. He had the same roses on his palm, that you two do. We can find him! We can finally fix what happened all those years ago!" She grinned, her smile making the room brighter. "You guys can FINALLY go and get your man!"

Reggie and Luke looked at each other again, but this time their expressions were unreadable. When they turned back to look at Julie, she thought they were about to have a whole new purpose. Something GOOD that actually meant something. Not struggling for success, or running from life threatening danger, but something purely good that would finally help two of her four closest friends find peace with the one thing they regretted most about their lives before. Then Reggie spoke, only one word. One word that made less sense than anything Julie had heard in her entire life.

Reginald Peters opened his mouth and with complete conviction told her, "No."

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katsukari · 3 years

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Can I have fluff father headcanons with the trios or other characters in MHA?

Of course you can! Sorry this took so long to get out there work and school have been taking up all of my time. Also not quite sure who is in the second trio, so I’m just gonna do the main three and a few others! With that being said, obviously they are adults in this one, so let’s go!

What would Midoriya, Todoroki, Bakugou, Mirio and Tamaki be like as fathers?

Midoriya Izuku

He’d be the sweetest dad, I’m not even gonna pretend otherwise. Like I think he’s gonna be so amazed by his kid and so awestruck. Doesn’t matter if its his biologically or adopted, he will love them just the same.

He will definitely cry the first time he holds them. And the first time they say dad. And he’s gonna cry about a lot of things to be completely honest. He’s so soft.

Get’s so nervous about doing things wrong. He’s probably gonna call and talk to his mom so much about being a dad. How do you change a diaper? What do you do when they won’t take the bottle or pacifier and won’t stop crying? Help mom!

Would support and encourage his child through anything. The first thing that his child decided was going to be their dream job he would hype them up like no other.

No doubt would struggle not to give his kid everything they asked for. The puppy-dog eyes would be the worst for him and he would feel like a monster for saying no, but there are certain things and times he has to.

Not gonna lie, I think he would love to wear clothes that match his kids. Or just have a day where the whole family matches.

He is all about taking pictures and videos of his kid, you sometimes will have to remind him to put the phone or camera down so he can just experience the moment.

Overall I think he’s going to be the cutest dad ever. Loves to hold and carry his child around. If they want a piggyback ride he’s all about it, same goes for naps. Just any time his kid wants to be close to him makes his heart swell.

Todoroki Shouto

I think he would be so nervous to have a kid. He would do his best to hide it, but just give him a lot of reassurance and when he needs it time to think. But he is just so determined to be a better dad than his was and he is.

He is so hesitant to hold his newborn or hug his child if they are adopted. It a common thing, for Todoroki to be incredibly nervous regarding anything to do with his child.

He about melts the first time he hears them laugh. Just like with his significant other, he wants to record it and keep it with him so that whenever life gets hard or work is too stressful he has a pick me up in his pocket.

Once he gets used to having a small human in his life he loves to take a nap on the couch with them laying on his chest. He finds it massively comforting and if you join in it just makes it all the better.

He relies a lot on his mom and siblings to give him advice.

I can see him doing a lot of reading on parenting and getting so caught up in trying to do the right thing he forgets to live life in the moment. After talking to his significant other he relaxes and puts the parenting books back on the shelf.

He gets really emotional as they grow up, and he tries to keep himself from embarrassing them, but sometimes it just comes out. Will apologize if ever he upsets them or he makes a mistake. He knows how important it is that his child trusts him.

He’s a very thoughtful parent and wants to be there for his kid no matter what.

Bakugou Katsuki

He puts on a tough face, but inside I think he’s completely terrified to have a kid. I think since his character growth is so big, he winds up very concerned that he won’t be a good dad. But he is.

All that fear goes away the first time he sees and gets to hold his kid. He completely falls in love and can’t hide it. AKA we get to see soft Bakugou.

His kid has him completely wrapped around their finger. He would do anything for his kid, and surprisingly he has a hard time telling his kid now. If it was anyone else’s kid he would have no problem, but his own child gets whatever they want (within reason).

Always makes sure that he has contact with his kid when they go out to do something like grocery shopping. Lord help anyone who tries to touch or take his child. Protective dad 100%.

He adores it when his kid wants to be near him, though that tough side sometimes shows itself. But more often than not he give in and hold them, puts them on his shoulder or lets them take a nap with him.

Supports his child like no other, and wants to make sure that they are prepared for whatever life throws their way and he hates to see them hurt or sad.

Not going to lie, he probably gets really sad as they grow up and grow away from him. He hates that his job gets in the way of being there for them all the time.

So he cherishes every second he gets with them and tries to make it special.

Will play along with whatever his kid wants him to do, he just can’t say no sometimes. So this does mean that there are time where he find himself at a play tea party or playing out in the rain getting covered in mud.

He’s a good dad, and tries his best to prepare his children for what lies outside their door.

Mirio Togata

Sunshine man. He has more excitement than nerves when it comes to having a child. He is so ready to have a little one running around the house creating a mess wherever they go.

He loves that he can see parts of himself and you in the child, by their looks, their personality, how they speak. All of it, and it goes for if you two adopt a child as well.

He sees the best in them and lifts them up. He loves to make them laugh and smile and he has this incredible skill to calm them down in the middle of crying.

Once they are old enough he loves taking them to the park so they can run around and be active together. Also the fresh air is nice.

Will pick up and hold his child whenever they way. There is something special about having a child want to be near you, and that they trust you to take care of them.

He’s very much an “everything in moderation” kind of parent. He tries not to spoil his kids too much, but he wants to make sure they are happy and safe and that everything is good.

Totally loves playing with his kids, be it tea parties or catch. He’s all about it, especially if it makes them happy.

He tries his best to always be there for his kids and to make time for important occasions.

Will totally wear matching clothes with his kid. If they’re too embarrassed by it he won’t wear it out of the house.

A very energetic parent overall. He loves to be up and moving with his kid and will do anything for them.

Amajiki Tamaki

This precious man is such a nervous wreck, it’s not even funny. He almost says no to holding the child because he’s so anxious that he’ll do something wrong.

Once you’ve convinced him that he won’t drop the child he finally takes them in his arms and he fall completely in love and he vows to be a the best dad.

Loves to hold them. He finds a sense of peace in it and he’s so full of wonder at how something so small and so precious came to be and what he did to deserve it.

You know how I said he loves to slow dance with his s/o? He totally loves to dance with his kids. He may even try some more high energy dances and he loves to get you in the mix as well.

He loves being able to sit around the table with his little family. For some reason he finds comfort in the idea that something depends on him, even though at first it terrified him.

He loves to help them eat and rock them to sleep. Often the warmth and repetitive motions almost puts him to sleep as well. He loves taking naps with his kid.

Has a hard time saying no, how could he when his kid looks at him in that way? With the big puppy dog eyes and the pouty lips, he would hate himself if he said no. He’s whipped.

He is the sweetest most caring father there is. He is such a good listener and he has this ability to make everything feel like it’s going to be alright.

#katsukari #katsukari writes #bnha headcanons #mha headcanons #bnha #mha #midoriya izuku #midoriya headcanons #todoroki shouto #todoroki headcanons #bakugou katsuki #bakugou headcanons #mirio togata #mirio headcanons #amajiki tamaki #amajiki headcanons #fluff #bnha fluff #mha fluff

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nadiaportia · 3 years

Text

Ximena Rubalcaba

art by magician-of-the-lantern

The disgraced exile with a past she’d rather keep hidden.

Other bios: Sayelle | Deirdra | Heloisa | Cibela

Full name: Ximena María Magdalena de Rubalcaba y Saavedra

Meaning of name:

Ximena: Basque variant of Simone, meaning “one who has heard”

María Magdalena: Spanish variant of Mary Magdalene, derived of “of Magdala”, a village whose name means “tower” in Old Hebrew

Family:

Heloisa and Cibela de Rubalcaba: Ximena’s elder sisters, Heloisa by 6 and Cibela by 12 years. In her youth and early adulthood, due to being closer in age she spent more time with Heloisa than with Cibela, to whom she did look up though as a role model as well as Cibela being more introverted like her in contrast to the very extroverted Heloisa. Cibela was mostly absent during her childhood, whereas she and Heloisa spent most of their free time, and tutor-free time together.

Marisol de Rubalcaba (deceased): Her mother and the former Marquesa de Rubalcaba. Having immense favouritism for her firstborn, Marisol was rather distant towards her younger daughters but would try to be an affectionate mother towards them.

Valentín Saavedra (deceased): Ximena’s late father and a sea-faring merchant prince from the higher Cartagense bourgeoisie. Like his wife, Valentín favored his eldest daughter yet tried to encourage all of his daughters’ ambitions and work. Ximena is said to be similar to him in terms of personality.

Esmerelda de Rubalcaba: The matriarch in-all-but-name of the Rubalcaba family, Marisol’s older sister and Ximena’s aunt. Esmerelda is arguably the most central maternal figure in her life, even more than her own mother, and her primary tutor. She was the one who recognized Ximena’s affinity for magic and gave her vital support when she entered the Magician’s Guild.

Agustín de Rubalcaba: Esmerelda’s only son and Ximena’s cousin. A diplomat that wasn’t under his mother’s wing unlike his cousins, he is very affectionate towards Ximena and fulfills the role of an older brother for her as well as being her only connection to her family after her exile.

Segismundo: Ximena’s familiar whom she found in the rainforests of Northern Calpacia sometime after her exile as a hatchling and nursed him back to health. Their connection is deep and he is both trusting and protective of her.

Others: Constanza de Rubalcaba (maternal grand-mother, deceased), Cristobal de Rubalcaba (maternal uncle, deceased), Máximo de Otxoa (maternal grand-father, deceased), Jaime Saavedra (paternal uncle), Genoveva Saavedra (paternal aunt), Dulcinea Saavedra (paternal grand-mother, deceased), Leonardo Buendía (paternal grand-father), Catalina Saavedra (paternal grand-aunt), Aníbal Heßling de Cordovero (brother-in-law)

Nicknames: Xime (used by both friends and lovers), Ximenita (used by family, especially since she is the youngest among her generation), Marilena (exclusively used by her mother and her aunt)

Favourite meal: Tamales de pollo

Favourite drink: Cartagense liquor

Favourite flower: White Plumeria

Favourite color: Cerulean

Birthday: 20th of November

Age: 37 during the events of the game

Zodiac: Scorpio

MBTI: INTP

Patron Arcana: Death and the King of Cups

Upright: Death reaps that which has run its course, allowing new life to grow in the space left behind.

Reversed: Death turns his back on his duty, allowing things to fester and rot in his negligence.

Upright: The King of Cups is generous and compassionate, yet never allows his emotions to overwhelm his sense.

Reversed: The King of Cups manipulates the emotions of others callously, twisting them to fit his own agenda.

Gender: Cis female

Sexuality: Bisexual

Height: 1,65 m // 5′4″

Appearance:

Ximena is of rather slender build. Her skin is medium brown with a warm undertone and she has a round face with a rounded chin. She has a beauty mark underneath the outer corner of her left eye and an upturned nose with a low bridge. Her eyes are a color similar to dark honey and she has full lips. Her eyebrows are thick and dark, groomed but not thinned, and she has bags underneath her eyes. Her black hair is long and curly with the occasional grey hair, especially near her temples.

She usually wears golden hoop earrings and several golden rings on her fingers. She wears a bit of eyeliner and darkened lipstick.

She gives off the impression of being rather serene and after her exile purposely tries to change the way she spoke and held herself in order to appear less like an aristocrat and more like a commoner.

Visual Inspirations: Tessa Thompson and America Ferrera

Languages spoken: Calpacian, Prakran, Firenti, Karnasso, Galbradan, Hjallen, Nopali, Nevivish, Venterran, Oriolà, Zadithi and the Common Tongue

Magical abilities:

due to the Cartagense Magician’s Guild being rather pragmatic, she is not as versatile in her skills but honed those that she is good at so well that it makes her a master in the area

high intuition and good knowledge of people, to the point that she can feel when someone is lying to her

very perceptive and aware of her surroundings

fire-based offensive magic; used to replace her profound lack of physical combat skills

Love interests:

Out of the Main 6, while I mostly ship her with Lucio (since I am rewriting his route with her as the primary main character) and Asra (her ex), her dynamics with Nadia and Portia could leave the possibility for romance open.

Isidora: An OC of mine who was once very close friends with Xime as well as colleagues on whom she had eventually not unrequited feelings.

In general, like with most of my characters; if they’re compatible sexuality- as well as personality-wise, feel free to ship them with your OCs or MCs! Hit me up with a message and we can discuss the details!

Backstory:

Born into the influential aristocratic Rubalcaba family based in Cartagenth, the capital of the Calpacian Empire in the West, Ximena received an extensive education and since she had the most affinity to magic within her family, a vast tutoring in magic while her sisters were put on other carreer tracks. The Rubalcabas have had a presence ever since the founding of Cartagenth thanks to Fairuza, one of the city’s original founders, and then with Xochitl I., who was rumored to be the primary force behind the union of various kingdoms into what became Calpacia. They have centuries long history of being close to Calpacia’s sovereign, the Zaan, and involvement in politics, the military and on very rare occasions the Magician’s Guild of Cartagenth, where Ximena was meant to eventually become Head of the Guild and a vital instrument in the plans her aunt Esmerelda had for her, her sisters and the fate of all of Calpacia.

Mostly due to their riches, privilege and upbringing, the climate in Ximena’s family was a rather toxic one, with a centuries-old legacy hanging over them like a Damocles sword and envy, entitlement, jealously, sabotage and power struggles running rampant among them. Esmerelda’s desire to cement her family’s position and ensure their survival in the cut-throat environment in the Cartagense court as well as wanting to function as the driving force behind the pillars of powers saw her mercilessly using her family and to see them as little more than pawns to be utilized to achieve the desired goal.

Being maneuvered like a puppet made Ximena resent her family; her sisters for refusing to lean against it or even relishing in it, her parents for tolerating this and her aunt for being a manipulative force of nature. The straw that broke the camel’s back occurred weeks before her coronation as Head of the Guild where a vision came to her during a reading and showed how she would use her magic and that of the Guild to help in fighting a total war against everyone who refused to kneel to Cartagense’s power, resulting in the deaths of countless people - and herself as one of those who were supposed to carry on this blood-stained legacy. The refusal to partake in such future atrocities and the secret reveal of plans by the War Council to actually provoke a conflict and throw the country into total warfare caused Ximena to have her status as noblewoman taken from her and be banished from Cartagenth… or clean up her act, beg for forgiveness and mercy from her family and have the chance to correct her mistakes. That choice presented by her aunt in a final confrontation was refused and so Ximena, once a lady, now a nobody, fled Cartagenth.

Having to pretend to be a commoner was difficult at first but soon became a necessity, as well as having to adopt a different identity to make it beyond the Calpacian borders. Meeting her familiar and having someone in whom to confide absolutely everything was a much needed outlet for her, and some years her only constant companions were Segismundo, for whom she would’ve laid down her life, and the fear of being discovered by Calpacian spies even outside of the empire. She met Asra when contemplating to escape to Hjalle and from there on to the eastern countries beyond Nevivon and continue to live her life in anonymity, but decided to return with him to Vesuvia, a city of which she knew Calpacia fostered no diplomatic relations with. Her relationship with Asra at some point transcended mere friendship but even when that ended, they always remained amicable with each other and arguably the most important person in each other’s lives. The building in which Asra and she eventually opened as their ship was a gift from Agustín who was the only person from her old life Ximena ever contacted through magical and untraceable means. In Vesuvia, she also met magician and professional medium Sayelle bint Zahir from the city state of Bizatena at the Eastern Coast, and another exile from their respective home country, Deirdra Margalit of Calpacia’s neighboring kingdom Oriol.

She died from the Red Plague at the age of 34 while trying help Julian, with whom she had common friends, to find a cure for the illness that had already claimed thousands within the city. The efforts of those close to her did little in preventing her passing, and yet she woke up a year later with no memory of her previous life, her friends and the bond to her familiar being severed beyond repair.

More art:

feat. Heloisa by @missrabbitart | full post

feat. Lucio by @cherrygirl666 | full post including the uncut nsfw version

#the arcana #the arcana fan apprentice #the arcana oc #other people's ocs #ximena rubalcaba #i heard from multiple people that they couldn't assess the other bio since it was a subpage on my blog and mobile doesnt fuck w that #so there we gooooo... repolished and with an actual structure LOL

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your-turn-to-role · 4 years

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hi okay i hate sending asks to people without knowing them but you seem kind so im trying: during the break, i’ve been working my way through VM, and i’m at episode 75. my question, because i’ve read some of your more recent meta, is “what’s Percy’s deal?” i know he’s loved by the fandom, but i can’t find myself relating to him, and i find his assertions that he’s the only one with a plan offputting. is there more context you can give to me about percy’s character that explains his motivations?

aww, thank you!

(and yeah, asks like this are totally fine, i totally get that anxiety, good job on sending this!)

i mean, first off, you don't have to like a character everyone else does? if you don't relate to percy you can just, not relate to percy, that's fine

(and to be fair, as much as i love him as a character, i would not want him as a friend, because he's a very flawed person that has a lot to work on, but in fiction those traits are interesting to watch rather than difficult to deal with)

but, percy's deal! the short answer is people generally like him because taliesin's funny and charismatic and he does morally grey right, which is rare and a fun thing to explore (also in his relationships with other people, the entire vex-vax-percy-keyleth square is full of neat parallels and opposites and interesting things and i have whole essays in my head on all six combos there)

i don’t know which posts you’ve read so i’ll link this one here too, just to cover a couple more of the generally unnoticed aspects of his character, and things i like about percy

he’s also far from perfect, as you’ve noted, he does tend to believe he’s the smartest person in any given room, because he’s young and clever and used to being that, which you’re allowed to find off putting, but i will say i find he does that less than a lot of characters of his general archetype? he listens to pike, he listens to keyleth, he listens to vex, he respects when they have more knowledge than him on a particular subject, he’s not above asking for help. and generally most of the arguments he has with keyleth on that subject aren’t him asserting he knows more than her, but more a matter of principles and values (they’re a really interesting pair that way, they have similar backgrounds, both children of royalty running away from the crown, but they’re such opposites. percy is a natural leader who would rather anyone rule than him, keyleth fumbles her way through all of it but sticks to it because she doesn’t want to let anyone down, percy is a pragmatist, keyleth is an idealist, they both are too focused on the big picture but in two completely different ways, i could write a whole other post on this, but to get to my point, they wouldn’t be such good balances for each other if percy didn’t absolutely respect where keyleth is coming from)

for the long answer, i’m gonna break this down into parts and try to get to the core of percy's character and why he is the way he is

(under the cut bc this gets long)

1 - heavy trauma

like... this is the really really big one. percy, at age 17 or 18, had his entire life up to that point completely destroyed. his family was killed, his friends were killed, people he trusted like family (professor anders, who was a more present figure in percy's life than his actual parents) betrayed him and helped the briarwoods, he was imprisoned in his own castle's dungeons and tortured for information, they threw his siblings' bodies in there with him to make a point, cassandra helped him escape but as far as he knew she died helping him. he has two years of his life after that he straight up doesn't remember, his hair turned white from the stress of it.

trying to go after ripley the first time didn't work, he was captured and left to starve in a prison cell, for the first few months of travelling with vox machina he genuinely believed it wasn't real, because realistically no one was gonna come save him, this was just a hallucination of his dying mind. returning to whitestone he was forced to confront the fact that literally everyone he ever knew growing up (with the sole exception of archibald) was either dead or working with the briarwoods, and even after retaking the city there's a lot that can never be repaired.

and he's just... never really dealt with any of this? like, he gave vox machina the technical details of what happened to him in the briarwood arc, because they needed to know that information, but the first time he actually started processing his trauma, the first time he admits it out loud to anyone, is the final episode of campaign one. before then it had been occasional snide or handwavey comments, and like, he'll let himself feel the anger over it (in the beginning of the story he encouraged it, because then he didn't have to feel anything else), but he's never processed the grief, never admitted to himself how badly that affected him

which means he's got a lot of pent up emotions in there that he just keeps burying, and sometimes they come out in unhealthy ways. having so much taken from him also makes him really motivated to keep the things he does have - he’s got some deep set abandonment issues and takes any kind of betrayal really badly, don’t know if you’ve got up to the scanlan stuff by the time i post this, but that’s something to keep in mind as to why he acts the way he does there. (and it’s not more explicit because percy was raised nobility, keeping a brave face through anything is part of who he is, he tends to cover emotions he’s insecure about in snark or indifference or, for the intense ones, anger, because those are the things he thinks he’s allowed to show, but the real emotions show up occasionally, when they’re particularly strong, or if you’re reading between the lines. he really does care a lot about vox machina)

2 - legacy and loyalty.

speaking of nobility, it's hard to do a character study on percy without mentioning whitestone and the house of de rolo. this is the number one thing to percy. he was raised to respect title and name, and most importantly, raised to respect the people he represents - both the townsfolk of whitestone and also percy's ancestors and future de rolo generations. whitestone is more important than any one life, he has a duty to protect and serve it, and that comes before any personal wants he may have. it's also important to him for family reasons - he was a pretty lonely child, but he loved reading about the history of the city, all the weird ghost stories whitestone had even before the briarwoods. it probably made him feel more connected to all of that, this is the place he belongs. and after his family dies, it becomes even more important, because this is his connection to them. the soul of a city lives as long as its people, by protecting what's left, he keeps a little bit of what came before

(and also in just tidbits to understand percy's character, he sees all cities and man-made things the same way - in a world where some races live for centuries or millennia, their history exists mostly by word of mouth, you can physically talk to people who were around 500 years ago and get their take on things - humans don't have that, they get 100 years at most, so the things they build are vital to their heritage. this is how you keep people alive long after they're gone, by honouring what they created. and especially for someone so concerned with legacy and history, percy literally says abandoning westruun would be blasphemy, because the place people grew up is important, yes it's better that they live, but letting the city be abandoned and destroyed would be an irreparable act of violence.)

this is the number one thing on percy's mind when evaluating anything about himself, where do i come from, and what do i leave behind? which is a question that has a lot of moments to be tested, because of my next point...

3 - pragmatism and terrible thoughts

when it comes down to it, percy is a very ends justify the means kind of person. he finds it very easy to square away any kind of collateral damage as long as it gets him to his end goal. see: trial of the take, where he's fine to catch his friends in the blast radius of a new bomb design because he's so excited that it worked, preparing to fight vorugal and resigning himself to potentially having to kill innocent people to kill the dragon (he wasn’t okay with that, but he would do it), also his conscious decision to let ripley go, knowing she would lead to the deaths of thousands because it was her or the briarwoods and he wanted revenge

(this is by his own admission his lowest point and worst mistake, because as mentioned, he thinks about the consequences of his actions near constantly, he knew she would reproduce his guns and they would lead to a whole new form of warfare. but in that moment he was just blinded by grief and way too emotionally burnt out and did not have the capacity to care. and he spends the rest of the campaign and honestly probably the rest of his life trying to make up for that one)

he's also, by his own admission, someone who has a lot of bad thoughts he doesn't act on, he's very clever and creative and ideas for ways to use those skills for violence or vengeance come easily to him (like, percy as an actual villain would be ripley but worse, ripley's intelligent but a very direct point a to point b kind of thinker, percy has multiple times criticised her lack of imagination, a percy with her lack of morals would be terrifying)

(honestly this is why i was seeing percy so much in taliesin's narrative telephone, because "sometimes i wake up having dreamed of a terrible thing, and normally i just file that away for things that i would never do, because i wanna maintain friendships, but then LIAM did something to me." and the whole being absolutely fine with throwing the rest of the cast under the bus just to enact revenge on liam was quintessential percy)

but we’ve seen the pragmatic anti hero everywhere, anyone can be a terrible person, and have reasons for it, that alone doesn’t make an interesting character (at least not for me)

what does, is my last point

4 - trying to be good

i still vividly remember when i first watched campaign one, being really surprised at how much percy asked for help? like, i went in expecting the usual full on demon possession storyline, i expected percy to hide how bad it was, i expected him to make poor decisions without realising he was doing it until he was in too deep to back out

and like, he had some of that. but at the first sign of things being out of his control, he asked his friends for help. he let pike greater restoration him. he told vax to kill him if things ever got too out of hand. he was really, genuinely scared about what he got himself into and what he might do because of it. there was never a point where he pretended, even to himself, that making a deal with orthax was okay. the minute he realised there was a demon involved, he was working to stop it. and yeah, by the time he realised it was already a bit too late, there were already some things out of his control (and also taliesin kept having the worst rolls against the whitestone corruption which was really fun on a meta level), which is how things got as bad as they did. but honestly, all things considered, there’s very little to criticise about the way percy handled himself in the briarwood arc.

and he keeps doing that, trying to get better. he struggles with it, he struggles a lot, against his anger issues, against all the trauma, against the fact that he really doesn’t want to be here and things would be so much easier if he were dead. but he recognises he holds grudges too easily, so he starts actively trying to forgive those who’ve wronged him (this is something he and vex have in common, and something they were working on together before they were together, which probably helped a lot in getting them to that point as well). he recognises he makes poor decisions when he’s angry, so he starts learning to step back in those moments and leave the decisions to someone else. he has never not owned up to his mistakes, he takes responsibility for everything he’s done, and if he notices a problem he can’t solve himself, he asks for help.

and i find that fun to explore. like, percy’s been likened to hamlet in the actual show, and i was the kid who got super obsessed with hamlet when i was like 15 because i was in that same mental space of suicidal self hatred and existential melancholy but also thinking i was the smartest person in any given room and being too young to have gotten over the arrogance that makes you ignore everyone else’s needs for the sake of indulging your own problems. and then i got older and realised there are smarter ways to go about things, like having empathy and appreciating the light in the world and not being a dickhead to people because it makes you feel better, and maybe hamlet can be justified and in the wrong at the same time. and while there’s some stuff i won’t spoil for you, percy after ripley kills him is definitely starting to learn that, which you rarely see in the hamlet archetype, bc everyone’s like “ah yes so Deep so Important who cares what bad things this person did they had Trauma and are Clever”

well, percy cares about the bad things he did, and cares about not doing those anymore. so like, he’s still a disaster of a person bc he’s like 23 and no one has their life together at 23, especially not someone in percy’s situation, and honestly i find that fun to watch as well bc i like watching characters make stupid mistakes and do stuff i’d never approve of in real life, and as i mentioned at the start, taliesin makes captivating and funny characters. but yeah, that’s generally where percy’s at, most of the time

#would you believe me if i said this was the second shorter attempt at answering this ask?#i honestly tried to pare it down but this hit at least 6 or 7 separate essays in my head that all wanted to be included #and then i had to figure out how to combine them #my brain keeps giving me more things i should add but i think this is enough to be going on with for now 😂#but hey anyone who likes listening to me talk about percy know i can keep going #this is my word MINIMUM #(and it's still over 2k im so sorry)#but yeah hope this helped!#cr1 #percy de rolo #cr thoughts #text #meta #ask #megabees3

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animebw · 3 years

Text

Binge-Watching: Pokemon Master Quest, Episodes 55-57

In which the Johto League gets underway, and we check in with Gary one last time before the sparks start flying.

Game Day

Ladies, gentlemen, and everyone in between, it’s time for the Johto League to begin at last! Ash has made his way across the entire damn countryside, Larvitar’s been reunited with its Tyrannitar mom, and now there’s nothing left to do but fight his way to the top or crash and burn trying. Either way, it’s gonna be one heck of a challenge. Ash’s first battle against a Furret almost goes disastrously south when he can’t respond to the Furrett’s constant Dig attacks, and that’s just his first opponent (though Pikachu lighting up the underground tunnels with a thunderbolt was a cool counter). Chances are the semi-finals are gonna be stacked with trainers at least as strong, if not moreso, than that. Hopefully, Ash can pull off what he couldn’t in the Indigo League and make all his fights entertaining instead of just time filler.

Whatever happens, though, I’m just happy we’re finally in the home stretch. Johto’s been way too dragged out for its own good, but now that it’s finally in wrap-up mode, it’s able to start paying off all the investment its built up over time. We even get our first namedrop of the Hoenn region, complete with a surprise Blaziken to build anticipation. The decks are already being stacked for what comes next! And there’s something really cool about seeing that torch carried forward. This isn’t just the end of Johto, it’s the beginning of Pokemon’s next phase, a new world full of new possibilities. Whether or not it lives up to those possibilities, we’ll have to see. But I can’t help but look forward to what comes after we turn the final page.

Friends to the End

Speaking of final pages, there’s one more important character we need to check up on before heading into the final stretch. So once again, let’s do something I never thought I’d do at the start of this show and thank the stars for Gary Oak. How did this obnoxious brat turn into such an endearing rival character? Is it just my love of rivals who actually point out each other’s weaknesses and encourage each other to get better? Regardless, Gary’s probably grown the most of any character in this cast, both as a trainer and a person. He and Ash are genuinely friends now, able to see the good in each other while still competing hard to be number 1. Can you imagine Gary at the start of the show admiring what good comrades Ash and Pikachu had become? Or talking wistfully about how lucky they are to be together now, with all the coincidences that brought their paths together? Or wondering where their hopes and dreams will take them in the future, with the heavy implication he hopes their paths won’t diverge forever? Okay, listen, I’m trying my best to keep the shipper goggles off here, but the way Gary talks to Ash here really sounds like a confession of love. Motherfucker was a second away from pulling the old “the moon is beautiful tonight” card, I swear to god. Oh well, nothing like a good old shonen shiptease to set the stakes for a memorable final battle. Here’s hoping it lives up to the hype!

Best of Team Rocket

-”They’re making us look bad!” “And with our recent track record, that isn’t too hard to pull off.”

-James has such lyrical lines of dialogue sometimes.

-”Sneazel? Sounds like something you need a tissue for.”

-”More hunk than we could handle.”

-”Without us, there wouldn’t be any food in the first place!” Jessie channeling the collective rage of the entire service sector, lol.

Odds and Ends

-Is... is this guy really named Blurt? Did his parents just hate him or something?

-”I’m the strong silent type, except I talk a lot and break stuff by mistake!” aksjdhads okay I like Blurt

-This frame is a renaissance painting,

-”Whoever smelt it, dealt it!” We’ll... work on that, Ash.

-Ooh, I like that Larvitar still gets nervous around strangers. Just because he opened up to Ash’s gang doesn’t mean his anxiety’s just gonna vanish.

-”I spy three buffoons in the sky!” god dammit they’re entertaining too

-”I thought you said nothing’s impossible!” “Don’t take me literally!” These guys are too entertaining for one-off villains.

-Something about the lighting effects on Tyrannitar’s hyper beam really sells how powerful it is.

-Okay, but these two characters are absolutely voiced by the same guy and hearing them hold a conversation is trippy as fuck.

-”I knew that wasn’t a Sneazel!” “Gee, how’d you figure that one out?” Misty’s sass game is on point today.

-”Wanna hear my plan? We win, and then we win, and then we win some more!” Quality plan, Ash. Quality plan.

-Honestly, Gary catching a falling torch is the most impressive thing he’s ever done. Nerves of steel, this kid.

The end fast approaches. See you next time!

#anime #the anime binge-watcher #tabw #pokemon #pokemon gen2 #Ash Ketchum #pikachu #misty pokemon #brock pokemon #team rocket #meowth

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elyvorg · 3 years

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Wandersong character rambles 2 of 3: Miriam

Wandersong is so incredibly good that I need to get all my Thoughts about it off my chest by writing a series of rambles analysing its three most important characters. There will be spoilers, obviously. Plus, this’ll probably be kind of hard to follow anyway for people who haven’t played the game. Go play Wandersong! You won’t regret it.

1 of 3: Kiwi (the bard)

3 of 3: Audrey

Inferiority issues

I kinda covered some of Miriam’s inferiority issues already in my previous ramble about Kiwi: specifically, how she begins to get somewhere with this and feel less inferior and more inspired to try her best when she sees that Kiwi isn’t perfect and is actually a bit like her too in this regard. But what I didn’t talk about there was why she feels that way in the first place, because this was clearly never just about Kiwi outclassing her on this particular adventure. Kiwi’s presence may have brought that out of her more (at first), but this was always a deeper, underlying problem Miriam had in general.

There’s almost certainly a specific reason that can be pointed to as to why this is, and just like with Kiwi, it’s about her parents.

Miriam’s parents left her with her grandma before she could remember, and Saphy used to tell her they’d come back for her one day, except they never did. Miriam admits that even though it’s kind of ridiculous, she used to sort of hope that if she made herself into someone heroic and famous, her parents would realise what a mistake they made leaving her and come back. Which, though she doesn’t put this part into words, ultimately boils down to the fact that she feels (or, at least, felt) like her parents abandoned her because she wasn’t good enough in the first place.

This is obviously irrational – geez, she was a baby when they left her, her parents couldn’t possibly have known how “good” or not she’d grow up to be. This clearly has nothing to do with the kind of person Miriam ever was and is really just about her parents being people who didn’t want to raise a kid. Miriam herself has even figured out by now that this is irrational of her – but it seems like she wasn’t aware of that when she was younger. Growing up with that looming over her entire sense of worth as a person is going to leave a psychological mark, no matter how irrational she knows it is now.

(Saphy kind of made a big mistake by telling Miriam at first that her parents would come back for her sometime. That just resulted in Miriam feeling like she was doing something wrong every day they didn’t. There’s no way Saphy would have done that on purpose, though; she must have believed, to begin with, that Miriam’s parents (which included Saphy’s own kid!) really were going to come back… until it became very clear that, oh dear, no, they weren’t.)

Because of all this, Miriam is just constantly assuming she’s not good enough at all times, even when it makes no rational kind of sense to think that the problem could be with her, or that anyone else would be thinking that. She even expects to be judged and looked down on by Saphy and Kiwi, the two people who most obviously would never do that to her.

When she’s heading back home at the end of Act 5, Miriam says Saphy would never be disappointed in her, and then corrects herself to “she’d never show it”. Despite how consistently supportive Saphy always tries to be to her, Miriam is so insecure that part of her imagines her grandma is judging her and thinking less of her and is just too nice to say it. Nooo, Miriam.

And when Miriam plays the Act 5 Overseer song the first time, she’s all insecure and assuming Kiwi will judge her skills and think she sucks because they’re a proper musician, unlike her. This is Kiwi, who’s barely capable of thinking a bad thing about anyone, but somehow Miriam expects she’d be an exception to this. Plus, her playing actually sounds lovely and isn’t bad at all! But when it doesn’t work, she immediately assumes it’s because she played it badly, rather than that the song was simply never going to work in that form in the first place. (This is delightfully similar to how the Overseer song in Act 4 fails the first time and Kiwi takes it to be their fault rather than realising there must be another factor at play.)

At least Miriam does show a little progress in this area as their adventure continues. When she broke Kiwi out of the Rulle jail and told them afterwards that she was pretty awesome and heroic, I felt kinda bad for her. Kiwi is the one person who would have agreed that it was awesome of her and made her feel good about herself! …except that they were unconscious the whole time and never got to see her heroics.

Still, this doesn’t seem to bother Miriam too much, and she was capable of admitting in the first place that she did an awesome thing. Seems like she’s coming to realise by this point that she actually is pretty good at bailing Kiwi out of tight spots right when they need it most. She’s an important part of this saving-the-world partnership!

Getting mad about it

Until Miriam starts making progress and feeling perhaps a little bit less inferior, though, her main method of coping with these sorts of feelings appears to be to not-very-healthily turn them into anger on the surface.

Towards the beginning, her jealousy of Kiwi outclassing her in the hero department can get pretty overtly bitter at times. And then in Xiatian, Miriam spends a lot of it being super mad about Audrey showing them up and making them look useless at every turn. (She can probably let herself be more extreme with her anger in this instance because Audrey is not on her side; it’s just natural to be angry at an enemy, right?) She gets perhaps a liiittle too gleeful about the possibility of only-semi-accidentally poisoning Audrey, too.

Along similar lines to this, Miriam also has a bit of a tendency to turn to violence as the first option when solving problems, even when Kiwi keeps trying to suggest a more peaceful approach. It says a lot about her compared to Audrey that she does defer to Kiwi and let them try diplomacy when they bring it up, despite this making her feel yet again like Kiwi’s better than her – but it’s still notable that violence is usually Miriam’s go-to solution to begin with.

During one of the conversations with her in Mohabumi, Miriam mentions that her specialisation in magic is blowing stuff up. When Kiwi is shocked at how violent that is, Miriam protests that that’s just what her magic does. Apparently she didn’t actually choose this specialisation. Another witch in Mohabumi explains that all witches have individual differences in their powers and that nobody really knows why – but I’m willing to bet that Miriam’s particularly explodey powers are a manifestation of all of her suppressed emotional frustration at herself and her place in the world.

This might be why she finds dancing to be so helpful! She’s finally found some physical outlet for everything she’s stressed about and bottling up, a way that she can let it out through action rather than words, but without being violent and risking anyone getting hurt.

Towards the end of the story, especially after the dancing and the self-reflection (more on that in a moment), most of Miriam’s angry outbursts get directed towards herself instead. This still isn’t healthy yet, but it is something of an improvement in that she’s starting to realise what her actual problems are, even if she’s then bitterly beating herself up for them. She also keeps using her anger to mask the more vulnerable emotions that she’s finding it very scary to admit to, because being angry feels familiar and is easier than openly showing how scared she is. Without that, she might not have been able to admit to so much of her vulnerability in the first place.

I like to think that, post-ending, having come to like herself a lot more and make progress on all of her issues and having a best friend in Kiwi, Miriam’s speciality in magic shifts and becomes something less destructive and more creative. It would be a lovely sign of her growth!

(…Though, knowing Miriam, that’d first manifest in her suddenly not being as good at blowing stuff up as she’s supposed to be and not understanding why and feeling like a failure again, nooo, Miriam. At least Kiwi and her grandma would be there for her to encourage her to try new things and discover what else she’s good at.)

Being an outsider

Once Miriam stops feeling quite so bitterly jealous of Kiwi and the two of them begin to feel like a proper team, things stop being so much about her trying to prove herself. Her arc shifts into being more about her self-discovery and reflection on her place in the world.

This is especially because of the places they head next, of course. Experiencing Rulle’s prejudice against witches must have reminded Miriam that being a witch is seen as weird and different and possibly bad. This is something she’d probably always felt at least a little bit while living as one of only two witches in Delphi, but being in Rulle would have brought those feelings right to the surface.

Then they head to Chaandesh, where witches come from, where she should fit in… but even before she gets there, she seems to be subconsciously expecting to not belong. On the boat on the way there, she talks about how she knew this place existed but that it never even crossed her mind to visit, describing it as “like a special club, that I wasn’t invited to”. Sure enough, the witches of Mohabumi have all these complicated uses for magic and lives built around it in a way that’s nothing like what she’s used to, and it just feels alien to her.

This feeds into her inferiority issues, too; being different from what witches apparently “should” be like just makes her feel messed-up and broken. While struggling with her new broom, she laments that to the locals she must look like “the failure witch who can’t even do basic witch things”. (Yet it’s incredibly impressive that she can get the crappy tourist broom to fly at all, and she gets it working passably well before much longer – again, she’s beating herself up completely undeservedly when she’s actually doing great.)

During one of the conversations in Mohabumi, Miriam comments that she likes to think Saphy grew up here, even though she has no proof, just because it makes her happy to assume that. This kind of thing is pretty much what she does the whole time she’s in the city to combat how unfamiliar it all is: cling to the few things there that are familiar to her. She enjoys the music at the Crater only because the band’s from Delphi like her; she also mentions at one point that the only candy from here she likes is one that reminds her of her grandma’s cooking back home.

In that conversation at the Crater, she laments that she hoped she’d learn something about herself by being here, implying that she feels she actually didn’t. But the thing is, she did. She learned just how important her grandma is to her, and that their little house in the forest outside of Delphi – that’s her home, whether it’s where witches are supposed to belong or not. It just took being taken away from all that into somewhere new and strange for her to realise it.

She starts missing her home even as early as Act 3; if you talk to her during the coffee night on the pirate ship, she’ll mention having never been so far from home before and reluctantly admit that she’s feeling homesick. There’s also some very hard-to-find dialogue shortly after her broom breaks in which she admits that it was her grandma’s broom, that Saphy told her it’d be hers one day when she was old enough, and that the day that happened was probably the happiest day of her life. Aww, Miriam! No wonder she’s so upset at losing it. It must have felt like a piece of home, and of her grandma, still with her even in all these strange lands – except now even that’s gone, too.

Kiwi tells Miriam on their way out of Chaandesh that you don’t necessarily need to fit in anywhere to be happy. Which, though she can’t quite put it into those words just yet, is basically also what Miriam herself learned back there – that she’s happiest at home with her grandma where she can be herself, never mind worrying about if she “fits in” with everyone around her.

Of course, the other thing that lets being an outsider not sting so bad is having a friend there with you. Kiwi, the precious bean that they are, understands this straight away; during some of Miriam’s dialogue in Mohabumi as she’s feeling like she doesn’t belong, they try to reassure her with, “you have me!”

But Miriam’s response is just, “That’s nice.” It’s still a little difficult for her to openly admit just how much Kiwi’s company has been helping her, isn’t it.

Friendship is scary (but worth it!)

The final focus of Miriam’s character arc, of course, is these difficulties she has with friendship. This is partly influenced by the outsider issues making it harder for her to feel a connection to anyone in the first place, and partly her grumpiness born from her inferiority issues making it rarer for anybody else to want to get close to her.

But Miriam was probably kind of glad that her general grumpy attitude made people stay away from her (and might even have cultivated it on purpose for this reason) – because her bigger issue is that she’s simply afraid of getting close to people. Doing that might mean she’ll have to open up about her emotions and worries and problems, which is scary; it’s much easier to just hide everything she feels beneath that bitter angry shell forever.

As she confesses to Kiwi after the fact, Miriam’s decision to go home at the end of Act 5 was never really because she was too injured to go on. She was just scared of how close she was getting to them, and of how much talking about her feelings she’d been doing lately, and she wanted to run away from it all. It’s almost certainly no coincidence that this came shortly after the first time Miriam openly admitted that she considered Kiwi a friend.

I also think that this does have something to do with Miriam being hit by Audrey’s lightning, though. Not exactly in the sense of her being physically injured, but rather in terms of how that affected her emotionally and dug at those issues she has with intimacy. Though she was in too much pain to move, Miriam was still conscious the entire time Kiwi was carrying her down the hill. She was even still capable of speaking, barely – but she didn’t voice any kind of thanks to Kiwi for helping her out, as if she didn’t want to do so.

Being not just emotionally but very physically vulnerable and so literally relying on Kiwi for support like that had to have felt terrifying for her. She must have been so afraid of having to handle more of that kind of thing if she continued to go with them to that dangerous mountain. Miriam flinches initially at Kiwi’s goodbye hug probably not only because she’s physically injured and ouch, but also because oh god more emotional intimacy help what do???

…But then she can’t help but relax into the hug anyway, because she really does need it, even as she’s trying to cover it up by calling Kiwi’s concern for her “gross”. And also because, despite how scary it is, of course she cares about Kiwi and worries about them and is going to miss them. Most of her dialogue for the rest of this scene is all worrying about Kiwi being alone on the mountain and not wanting them to get hurt and mmsghsdgh they’re FRIENDS.

(Can we also talk about how great it is that Miriam has this major personal conflict based around her fear of emotional intimacy, and it’s presented as entirely platonic? Emotional intimacy with another person is not inherently romantic, and fear of it is a fun thing to explore in characters that doesn’t deserve to be restricted to only romantic plots. I love that this game’s writer understands this!)

Back in apocalyptic-Langtree, after confessing to the real reason she left, Miriam insists in her self-hatred that this means she left for “no good reason”. But really, this was just as good a reason as if it had been about her being injured. She needed to leave because of the struggles she was going through – just emotional rather than physical ones. That’s still important, too! It’s not her fault that she finds this kind of thing hard. In no way was she callously leaving Kiwi to go risk their life on a mountain just because she didn’t care.

Really, Miriam probably needed this time out to reflect on things. It let her realise that, actually, she would rather face up to all that scary intimate emotional stuff than leave Kiwi to tackle such dangerous ordeals alone. No matter how frightening it is, getting to be there for her best friend when they might need her is absolutely worth it. Her growing friendship with Kiwi and selfless desire to help them gave her the courage to finally face up to all these icky feely feelings of hers that she’d just been hiding from this whole time. They are friends.

Seeing Miriam join in with the Wandersong – and not just begrudgingly singing along, but really putting her whole heart into it – is a wonderful sign of how much she’s grown. The Miriam at the beginning of the story would never have done that. She’s become a lot more willing to openly express herself, to express emotions that aren’t just bitterness and anger, even in ways that aren’t specifically about her friendship with Kiwi, and it’s lovely.

Similarly, during the credits, Miriam’s default face has changed into something not quite so grumpy-looking. She’s still not exactly smiling, but she’s no longer so angry at everything because of her issues with herself, nor is she putting up such a prickly protective shell to push others away.

In the very last scene of the credits, Kiwi thanks Miriam for saving the world with them, much like you’d expect them to – saving the world and being a hero was what they most wanted out of this adventure, and they couldn’t have done it without her help. But then Miriam answers it with, simply, “Thanks for being my friend.” She knows that, in the end, that’s been the most important part of all of this for her, even more so than getting to save the world.

Saphy is good

Another thing I really loved in the end credits was learning that the real reason Saphy sent Miriam on a quest to save the world, and told Kiwi to go with her, is simply because she wanted her granddaughter to make a friend before the world ended. She wasn’t even expecting Miriam to succeed and save the world – not because she didn’t believe in her, but because she just didn’t really think it was likely to be possible at all. But that’s okay! More important than that is that her granddaughter doesn’t die lonely and friendless as the world ends. She always knew that this was what mattered most.

And of course Saphy couldn’t just tell Miriam that she wanted her to go and make a friend. Miriam would have been all “psh, that’s dumb” and flatly refused to try (because really she’s terrified of getting close to someone and opening up about her insecurities and there’s no way she’d have ever made herself do that on purpose). So Saphy had to lie to her and tell her it was about saving the world in order for her to go on the quest at all.

…Which, unfortunately, led to Miriam thinking that that was what her grandmother expected of her. And so she ended up thinking that she was a failure and not good enough for even her grandma, both when Saphy suddenly recruits some random singing dope who’s apparently better at this than her, and then when Miriam comes home near the end having not quite saved the world. Which is kind of heartbreaking, but I don’t know what else Saphy could really have done to avoid it. At least Miriam knows by the end that her grandma isn’t and never was disappointed in her at all.

Saphy’s “I like this one” when meeting Kiwi and deciding they should travel with Miriam is so very good. It’s not about Kiwi having the ability to save the world (even though it turns out they actually do), but about Kiwi being the exact kind of wholesome ray of sunshine that Miriam needed to gradually coax her to open up and trust them and consider them a friend. Saphy could see that about them right away. She knew exactly what she was doing when she told the two of them to travel together.

(Can Saphy also adopt Kiwi, please? As I discussed a lot in their post, they really need a decent parent figure in their life.)

(…I say that, but let’s be real, she practically already has. Kiwi is the friend that her precious granddaughter finally managed to make; of course Saphy would want to make sure they felt like basically one of the family.)

#wandersong #miriam #the bard #saphy #friends #family #ramble #character analysis #these are taking longer than anticipated but i will get them done i swear #wandersong deserves it

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peace-coast-island · 3 years

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Diary of a Junebug

Alone together at the Summer Sweets Festival

Sweet treats, flying carpets, and colorful blooms - it's a magical day in Falcon Harbor when the Summer Sweets Festival comes to town. Everything's so soft and pastel, it's such a lovely sight to take in. Standing on the bridge, getting a full view of the festivities, I feel peaceful, like despite everything going on in the world right now, as long as I'm here, I'm safe.

Since we've been busy with camp stuff and running the shop, Daisy Jane and I felt that we needed some time to ourselves. Up until now, we haven't really had one on one time together, something we knew had to be fixed.

Hard to believe that Daisy Jane's been here for over a year now - how different things were back then. She went from stagnating in life to living her dream, being independent and creating art. And not too long ago I was in a similar position, trying to find my place in the world but having a hard time doing so. People objected - usually for good reason - but we took the plunge anyway, stumbling more than succeeding, but finding our way eventually. To some, it's still not ideal, but to us, we're happy, and that's more than enough for us.

Like I said, it's been nice just the two of us hanging out. I mean, we did meet up with friends but for the most part it's only us off on our own while occasionally meeting up. Not that I don't miss the campers but sometimes you just gotta go off and do your own thing. I've been so wrapped up in camp events lately that I haven't had time to do that and it was starting to affect me. As I'm still learning, it's important not to get too wrapped up in things - and there's nothing wrong with taking things slow, even slacking off if you can.

Since Pai brought along Connie and the gang, I've been thinking about that a lot. As much as I enjoy and look forward to camp events, they take a lot out of me. I get that they're kinda necessary to keep things running - and it's not like we're running out of ideas (I'm starting to think that's becoming one of my worst fears if I ever get to that point) - but it's important to know when to slow down. I've made the mistake of back to back events so now I know to space them out for everyone's sanity.

Basically, what I'm trying to say is that burnout ain't good. Know the signs and take steps to prevent yourself from crashing and burning. Problem is that it can sneak up in unexpected ways, so it's extra important to catch the warning signs as soon as possible.

A festival may not seem like an ideal way to get some rest and relaxation, but this one's different. I think it's the peaceful atmosphere in general - things aren't too crazy or crowded, just people vibing in their own spaces. Kinda like a cafe's that's sorta busy but not too crowded or loud so you can just chill out and do your own thing without feeling like you're in the way. I always feel bad for taking up space, especially when I know that someone else needs it more than I do, which is why I tend to feel self conscious out in public. Doing stuff at a cafe sounds nice but actually doing it? I need to find the right place, the right atmosphere, the right spot that gives me privacy while not be closed off from everything else.

In other words, the Summer Sweets Festival's kinda like finding the perfect cafe to hang out in. The vibe's similar to the Traveling Fika, a relaxed atmosphere that doesn't compel you to have to try out everything all at once but instead encourages you to take your time and explore at your own pace. As much as I enjoy festivals - even more so as I've had a hand in behind the scenes for some - they can take a lot out of me. Again, there's nothing wrong with slowing down and taking your time.

While enjoying the festivities we ran into some friends. Turns out Emmaline and Minnie had the same idea of going to the festival for one on one time. I think this is the first time I've hung out with them since their wedding. As usual, they've been traveling around the universe, though they've been slowing down a bit and visiting home more often. It's still up in the air, but they're really considering the idea of buying a place in Rosevine. They'll still be traveling but that means they'll also have a home base to go back to.

The four of us enjoyed galaxy themed dango and fresh jasmine tea while catching up. I think since getting married, Emmaline and Minnie have fallen even more in love with each other. It's always so sweet seeing them side by side, holding hands and just being together. Like me and Daisy Jane, they also took a gamble by going off on their own - they were always more bolder than us in many ways despite being younger. In a way, they seem older, though it's more of a kinda had to grow up faster because of life circumstances.

Now that I think about it, no one really comes out unscathed from their upbringing. I'm lucky to not experience the traumas Emmaline and Minnie went through, though I can relate to being seemingly older than your peers. I'm not knocking my upbringing but the culture I grew up in - where my parents were also brought up - tends to put pressure on all of us. Maybe I'm biased because I'm the firstborn daughter in an Asian family but in a way I'm kinda expected to be maternal - not that I don't want to be, it's just the pressure of being that gets to me. It's the whole idea of you have to be the best, not just for you, but for your family - in other words, you have a lot to carry on your shoulders.

Then there's the whole debate of whether I should do something because it's for me or should consider my family over myself. Eh, that's something for another time I don't feel like getting into all that today. Will I have to address it someday? Probably but I don't have the brain power to even touch on that.

After getting lost in the stars, the four of us hopped on a flying carpet for a scenic view of the harbor. They say that Falcon Harbor's known for its magical carpets, from their beautiful and intricate designs to the magic these threads possess, it's amazing to see how much work is put into making a single one. The view is absolutely gorgeous - it adds to the dreamy vibe of the festival.

Not too long after parting ways, we ran into Blossom. It was an unexpected surprise as she came here on sort of a whim. For the past year or so she's been hanging out with a time traveling professor and exploring various parts of the universe with him. She posts a lot of about her travels on social media and it sounds like she's having a blast.

Though as much as she enjoys going on adventures with the professor, Blossom finds him a hassle to get along with sometimes. She describes him as the kind of guy who's used to pretty much getting away with everything and doesn't really know how to take responsibility, so inevitably that ends up getting him into a lot of trouble. Jamie's heard stories about him and while he has good intentions, most tend to have a like-hate thing with him. I get where Blossom's coming from with the lack of foresight and accountability - like it's understandable if you're from an upbringing that neglects that but at the same time you're a grown adult so act like one.

Aside from that the professor guy sounds cool but to be honest I'm not sure if I can stand to be his traveling companion. Blossom finds him to be good company most of the time and he brings some excitement to her normally monotonous life. Now with her little sister moving across the country, Blossom finally has more freedom to do what she wants. The main reason why she accepted the professor's offer to join in on his adventures was to get away from her, which is understandable. Her sister's a lot like mine in which I love her, but she can be a bit much to deal with - and not ideal to live with 24/7. With her sister gone, Blossom doesn't have to deal with nosy siblings who, while well intentioned, make her feel bad for doing her own thing. And yes, I speak from experience.

Originally, Blossom and the professor were gonna go on a space adventure but that was scrapped at the last minute. Basically, the professor owed an old friend big time for something he sorta screwed up on the last time he visited, so now, after avoiding it for years, he has to finally pay up. It's not as bad as it sounds as he knew that he would have to own up sooner or later, plus Blossom knows them to be good friends.

As much as she wants to see the cosmos, she's been busy helping her sister with the moving out process so she'd rather have a lowkey weekend. Since she lives about 20 mins away from town, Blossom figured that maybe she'd pop in to join in on the festivities for a bit. So we enjoyed candied strawberries, tiger milk tea, and a boat ride around the harbor before going off our separate ways again.

At night, we met up again with Emmaline and Minnie to set up a picnic and watch the fireworks show. Seeing all those bright, vibrant colors against the dark night sky, it's a pretty sight to look at. We also chose a good spot to view it as there's not too many people around and the sound doesn't break our ears. After that, we hung around a bit longer, exploring stands we haven't gotten around to visiting yet. The quiet atmosphere along with the gentle glow of the lanterns - I almost didn't want to leave because it felt so comforting, especially when it's just us alone.

Did I just say "us" alone? Maybe it's just because we've known each other for so long and have a lot in common, but as much as I like having alone time, I'm starting to see myself more open to sharing that time with Daisy Jane. Not exactly interacting, but existing in the same space, doing our own thing. I still need my solo alone time, but I also wouldn't mind being alone together with Daisy Jane, like how we were at the festival.

#animal crossing #animal crossing pocket camp #Diary of a Junebug #headcanon ramble

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cartoonfangirl1218 · 3 years

Text

Moments of Lightness

This is just for prosterity from Ff.net, written way back during season 1 of EoA so lots of things in here have been debunked. Long time since then. Just four "scenes" of Paloma and Esteban of things I imagined of Shuriki's reign, connecting to present like why they have a rivalry, how Paloma got her fan, why she dresses so conservatively, that yellow neck thing Esteban has, how she got greedy etc. A lot of this headcanon was inspired by daydreamingobsessed.

Esteban tried to avoid flinching at the ear piercing volume Shuriki was emitting as she heard the latest report of the trade deal between Satu and Avalor.

"I want him in!" Shruiki shrieked, "How could Satu have duped us. I said we should be the ones getting more money out of the deal." "Uhh, The Magister of the Guild is a she." A guard piped up to Shruiki's glare.

"What?" She hissed. "You killed Master Mascarenas and his associates last week because you suspected him of rebelling."

"Oh, right" Skruiki smiled, "So who do we have in charge now?" "His ward, your Grace. His daughter." Higgins put in.

"She better have a good explanation." Shruiki looked at the mirror once more, admiring her reflection and preening. "Bring her in."

Esteban's eyes turned toward the door where Paloma Mascarenas walked in. He had seen her around when he was younger, whenever her father came to talk to King Ronaldo. She had been so vain and cocky, what with her father as a very important man in Avalor. She and he would get in the most petty fights.

Paloma looked be in her twenties now. Still pretty with her brown eyes, and slender frame accented by a silk teal gown. Her hair in tendrils to frame her face as the rest flowed down her back. But she looked like she lost most of her arrogance for now. She looked terrified as she stood in front of Shuriki's throne. As one should. Esteban shuddered as he remembered Shuriki ruthlessly taking over Avalon, killing anyone in her way.

"Explain yourself." Shuriki demanded with a tone of steel, "What were you doing? Making a fool out of Avalor? Letting Saturday gain the upper hand. You signed a contract that gave them a quarter of our exports for only a 4th of theirs! What were you thinking? YOU are the one who is suppose to lead the Guild, do you know anything about fine print?" Shuriki sneered.

"I..I thought..I mean in the long run, the trade will work in our favor. By exporting our goods at slightly higher prices than their imports, eventually we.." Paloma tried to gather her thoughts into an explanation but Esteban could see that Shuriki had no patience to hear. She never did. She only cared that things got done.

"Eventually." Shuriki cut her off, "What does that have to do with now?"

"Your Grace, I thought.."

"You are a failure. Avalor is the best trade city in the world, the height of sophiscation and your mistake could ruin our reputation. It would let other countries think they can deal whatever they want with us. Are you trying to make a fool out of Avalor, Mascarenas? Hmm? You are working like your father. Slowly ruining us from within.." "No! No, no your grace I wasn't trying to do anything against Avalor or you I swear" Paloma cried.

"Silence." Shuriki got up from her throne, taking a knife that the Captain of the guard handed her.

Shuriki came up in front of Paloma, and surveyed her wth a critical eye, "Honestly, I don't know why I allowed you in my service. You should be a prostitute. It would be more fitting considering to your clothing choices." She dismissively waved a hand over Paloma's partially covered shoulder. "That way you can actually make money."

Shuriki grabbed her firmly by the chin, "I won't fire you for now. It's too much work finding people. But if you dare mess the next trade deal and you do not get me the 12 pounds of diamonds I requested. Well..." she made a small slice on the girl's cheek.

Shuriki turned away, handing the blood specked knife to Esteban. "Till next time" she smirked.

Paloma stiffened and walked backwards out the door.

It wasn't until much later in the day when Shuriki was having her daily routine of looking at herself, and Esteban finished any miscllaneous duties, he decided to pay a visit to the guild.

Esteban quietly knocked the office door of the Trade's Guild before he entered.

"Señora Mascarnes, I would like to discuss today's meeting with you." He entered to see Paloma frantically looking through papers, almost on the verge of tears. Her cheek faintly red from the scar. The room was a mess with piles of paper, boxes of trinkets and unorganized seats of furniture compared to the tidiness of the warehouse.

She jumped up with a start, "What? Has she changed her mind? Are you..Are you going to kill me?"

"No" Esteban held up his hands, showing his lack of weaponry.

"I just wanted to know what happened? Your father was very good at his job, I thought he would have taught you the same skills. You have been for the last 4 years."

"Yes" Paloma muttered in agreement, her head down in reverence. Esteban remembered he was in his official uniform of a Chancellor. He sometimes forgot that in the few times he walked in Avalor. He was so used to being in the town, but now everyone looked at him differently due to his position. As Shuriki's right hand man.

"Well? What made you make the deal?"

Paloma slowly looked up at him, "I..I did think it was a good contract. I mean we didn't get as much money but the imports would have been very useful for Avalorian resources and workers so I signed. I really wasn't trying to do anything against Shuriki."

"Isn't there a way you could have gotten more money from it?"

"I'm sure there was." Paloma nodded. "And you didn't?"

"I don't know how." Paloma admitted, "She's right. I don't know what I'm doing. I mean, you see, I was suppose to be in training for 3 more years. Then gradually take over the job. I was suppose to be Master at 30, not now! And..and I can't find anything around here. The guards ransacked my house and the office. They took all my father's belongings. I can't find any contracts, I can't find his will. I couldn't ask for help because all the other officials would love to see me fail and take my position."

Esteban pitied the girl in front of him. Truly she did look younger than she was right then. Vulnerable, scared.

"I have a solution for that though." He said, "I have some experience in financial matters since being in Shuriki's court." He pulled out a fan he had Ben hiding in his inner coat pocket. He had plucked most of the jewels from it's cover so it showed its actual light blue design of flowers rather than the bejeweled design of a rose. "This, you can use to cover your scar if you wish."

He picked out a small pile of rubies buried within the pocket as well. "And this you can use as bribes when you need to."

"Bribes?" Paloma stared at him dubiously.

"Money makes the world go round. And with Shuriki in control, I really don't think we could afford to have too much of a moral compass. Believe me." Esteban thought to when he let Victor get banished. To allowing his family to be trapped in a painting and an amulet respectively. Letting Shuriki kill the king and queen as he stood by meekly.

Paloma looked at him to continue. "I don't know how far along you got to in training but right now as Master of the Guild, what matters is that you make money. That way we can keep Avalor prosperous and keep everyone in standard comfort than poverty."

"Yes" Paloma leaned forward eagerly, greatful that someone was giving her advice.

"We need more taxes. Just for a little bit. Put a price on everything. At this time, everyone wants to decorate to have some cheer in their house. So they are more than willing to pay in decorations, candles, food. But what else, we need a bigger revenue, more of a reason to buy this stuff. So that is why we need to organize sales, competitions. In which you must play the people off one another."

Paloma nodded, calculating the numbers in her head, "A harvesting contest would be good. You need to hire workers to plow and of course, materials which could cost extra since they have to be built.." Paloma continued happily, employing more people was necessary. "That's it" Esteban encouraged

"Good, really good. Everyone is dismissed." Shuriki called to the officials, waving them out the door, "Ah Paloma, you look less whorish. But still quiet vulgar for my court. A slut among nobles." Shuriki smiled at her.

Esteban resisted the urge to roll his eyes. Paloma had been dressing less "slutty” lately. Her dresses covered her shoulders, and any other skin that could be shown, from her ankles to her collarbone. An hour later as they were walking to the docks for a impromptu meeting with sailors, Paloma asked him.

"Esteban, what is it? Do I really look like a prostitute?"

"You never looked like a prostitute. Her Grace, is just...Her Grace. Look, you're young and she isn't, that's all."

"There is a part of Shuriki that is insecure of her looks?" Paloma said dubiously with a look of disbelief.

"Yeah that's probably not it." Esteban admitted, "But if you want to make her stop trying copying her dress. Put your hair up like a married women. Fancier jewelry, I'm sure you could get it."

"So like real jewels instead of plain smith shop work. But what about the blacksmith? He needs the money I pay him for his work..." Esteban gave her a look.

"Right, no moral compasses here. I forgot." She fingered her gold tinted chain that had PXPM carved into the stone in the middle.

"You use your mother's maiden name?" Esteban asked pointing to it. "Oh no, I have two middle names actually." Paloma said, "My parents wanted to name me Paloma Prospera Mascarnes but then my mom died so my father wanted to name me Xiomara after her as well." "How?" Esteban asked softly. He never knew his parents, no matter how much he begged Francisco and Luisa and his aunt and uncle to tell him, he never got the answer. He sometimes would dream of the day they would return from some long journey and come to him and they would spend the days like a family, and he could say "My Mom and Dad" instead of "My Abuelo and Abuela."

"I came three weeks early and there were complications...and my mom's body couldn't.." she took a pause to recollect herself "She died almost half an hour after I was born. I wasn't suppose to live either. I was all small and pale, like a paloma. So..yeah."

"I used to wonder if that is what happened to my mom." Esteban whispered, "But death by childbirth is somewhat a normal occurrence so I thought Francisco and Luisa would tell me. I just wonder..”

Paloma put a hand on his shoulder, "I'm sure they didn't abandon you because it had anything to do with you. After all you were left with your grandparents and they are so..I mean were so kind."

"Well they would definitely abandon me now" Esteban thought to himself, "And my grandparents wouldn't be so kind if they knew what I had helped do."

Esteban mustered a small smile at the girl beside him and tried to push the thoughts away.

Months later, Esteban was walking down the royal palace when he saw Paloma walking ahead. Behind her a guard was obviously trying to look like he was walking casually behind her but Esteban could see him leering at the women's long skirt. Esteban shook his head in disgust. There was nothing to see! She wasn't doing anything and they all looked at her like some sort of sex toy.

Esteban quickly strode up, and shoved past the guard. "Señora Mascarnes, I must have a word isn't you in my study. Right now." He whisked her off to his study and firmly closed the door. "I don't like that man." He growled.

"Why Esteba," Paloma smirked with a mocking tone, "Don't tell me you're jealous?"

"Jealous!" Esteban thought. No, he wasn't. Yes, he didn't like it when other men stared at her. But that only was because they were not gentlemen!

They all saw her as "the prostitute" the pretty girl who had nothing in her brain. He wished they could see what he did. Over the months he worked with her to keep Avalor, prosperous he saw her as educated, and sly and witty, and very well-cultured. She was fiercely protective and determined in doing her job as Magister of the Guild.

He never could have thought of the many ways to squeeze money out of people as she did. And how to outmaneuver the trade deals to Avalor's favor.

But jealous...no he wouldn't let himself. It was something he could never do. He couldn't afford to make that kind of liaison in Shurki's court, no matter the women.

"No" Esteban answered. He thought he saw her smile falter a little but dismissed it as his imagination.

"I was keeping your virtue" Esteban let the sentence speak for himself.

Paloma grew solemn, "Thank you, I appreciate it very much." "I think it's wrong. You are more than that. You are a valuable member in court."

"Thank you again." She blushed, then she straightened like she remembered something.

"I got you this." She pulled out a yellow handkerchief, "I never thanked you for the fan. I got it from Córdoba"

"It is very fine. Thank you for your gift..and your company." Esteban smiled

————————————————————————————————

"Did you not hear that Esteban!" Paloma beamed pulling him into her office, "She didn't say anything about my appearance. She didn't call me a prostitute! I'm finally doing something right!"

Esteban tried to match her feelings but felt like he couldn't. He didn't like Paloma's appearance. It was too..it was like Shuriki's. Formal, somewhat regal but didn't hold a candle to the colors and vibrancy of Avalorian dress. Her long brown hair had been pulled into a bun mimicking how Shuriki wouldn't let one thing out of place. Large, heavy-looking emeralds laid at her neck. A hat with an absurd feather poking out, just announcing her presence. No, it wasn't...

"She didn't call you anything." he pointed out.

"That's music to my ears." She smiled, "This is just the beginning. She'll have to start calling me something. An actual title like yours. Señora or Doña."

"I don't like this." Esteban blurted out. "What?"

"I don't like this" Esteban gestured to her body "It's not you. Neither is this title thing."

"Excuse me. Do I not deserve a title? After all I have done. I have brought more money the past two years than my father has ever done in his two."

"Yes, yes. That is good. But this sucking up to Shuriki." "And you don't?" Paloma argued.

"I have to!" Esteban amended vehemently, "I'm her right hand. I'm the one doing all the royal duties here. If I'm gone, Shuriki would neglect it and let some poor, unefficant soul run Avalor to the ground. I am helping Avalor."

"I'm helping Avalor too!" Paloma retorted "I'm the one that is keeping the economy going, keeping jobs for the people. I'm not letting the other countries take advantage of us."

"You are making the people buy buy buy to run the economy. You tax the lower villages too much." Esteban said.

"What I'm doing is helping them in the long run. Yes, they have to pay taxes but those taxes provide them with food and shelter. You can't get things if you don't give a little." Paloma crossed her arms.

"But you are using some of the inventory to buy that." He pointed to her necklace.

"Just this." Paloma hissed "For my own sake. Do you know how hard it is to be taken seriously when you're called a prostitute by the queen? She calls me that in public everyday in front of officials, in front of guests! Do you know how many have treated me like one. Seven offered to pay for my services. Three didn't even bother with the pretense of paying they just tried to force.." Paloma took a shuddery breath before continuing, "I have to look like I'm a part of the court to do my job, Esteban. I have to suck up and do what Shuriki wants and get the amount of money she wants. I don't know why you think that is different from you. You are so close to her. You might as well helped her to.."

Esteban took a sharp intake of breath, "Because it doesn't matter that you look better now. You are still a lower person even you don't look the part. You only made it because I helped you. You wouldn't make it at all."

"I would." Paloma's eyes flashed with fury "I know just as much. Even more than you."

"I'm the royal here." Esteban said coldly.

"You've been overthrown." Paloma answered icily "I can make it just fine without you. So get out of my office."

Esteban hesitated but with a defiant glare he left. He was the one in the right. He wasn't turning to Shuriki's pet. Right...

So from then on, I imagined it developed into the rivalry they have in the present. Who is the one who knows court life/formalities more? Who is the one who could always come out on top. I also imagine Shuriki could see their tension and helped to pit them against each other so there is that as well.

#estoma #moments of lightness #elena of avalor #my fanfic #esteban flores

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miggydiaz · 3 years

Note

for the salty ask: 3, 7, 10, 11, 15, 16, 19, 22, 23, 24, 25 and 27 for spn

I had to do this one today because I have a LOT of Supernatural feelings and so a lot of these are even longer than my CK one. But thanks for the ask @wonderwolfballoon!

UNPOPULAR SUPERNATURAL OPINIONS AHOY: INCLUDES ANTI-DESTIEL SENTIMENTS AND OTHER UNSAVORY ELEMENTS

3. Have you ever unfollowed someone over a fandom opinion? 100000000% I have unfollowed someone over a fandom opinion in the SPN fandom. SPN was the fandom that taught me to make JUDICIOUS use of the blocking feature tumblr offers in order to curate my experience. I would actually encourage anyone and everyone to use the blocking feature if they disagree with people. Honestly, we don’t owe anyone our time or energy, especially on the internet! It is much healthier than sending or responding to hate, IMO. 7. Is there anything you used to like but can’t stand now?* This is actually a hard one for me to answer, so let me start by saying -- I have not seen a SINGLE episode since 9x05? I think? Whichever episode was the Dr. Deanlittle one where he talks to animals. I just couldn’t do it anymore. I LOVE LOVE LOVE the first 5 seasons, and they are all I watch anymore and I pretend nothing else exists after that (except The French Mistake because that episode is hilarious). But uh... I guess the simple answer is when I was originally watching it, I really loved Dean. He was brash, snarky, rough around the edges... but kind of soft in a I’m too toxically masculine to deal with my softness sort of way that I love seeing characters grow out of as they mature. But when I go back and rewatch now, much older than I was in 2006 when I first started watching, I see how awful a lot of his older behavior truly was. I still love Dean, and I will be a Dean girl until I die probably, but sometimes you gotta remind yourself that your faves have been problematic in the past so you don’t put them up on fandom constructed pedestals.

10. Most disliked arc? Why? AND AS A BONUS, MY ANSWER to 11. Is there an unpopular character you like that the fandom doesn’t? Why? I could write a literal essay about all of the problems I have with the later seasons (the ones I watched, which encompasses 6, 7, 8, and a few episodes of 9). But by far and away, the thing I hated most, was the Men of Letters.

Okay, this is where I am going to recognize my love of certain characters is at FUNDAMENTAL ODDS with how that character develops later and what history and background we get later on them. I RECOGNIZE this character is problematic, and I would NEVER STAND for his shit IRL, but fiction is complicated and nuanced, and fantastic circumstances do not make for normal behaviors. That being said, with all warnings I could possibly give, and with the full understanding that what I am about to say is basically fandom blasphemy of the highest order...

I like John Winchester’s character.

I know, I know. If you wanna stop reading and block me now, you are free to do that. I will not hold it against you. I am not about to apologize for anything he has done. I just need to contextualize why I have such an issue with the MOL storyline and it starts with the simple fact that I liked John Winchester as he was originally presented.

To me, and with the full understanding that I am answering this from the perspective of someone who DOES NOT regard anything past season 5 as personal canon, John Winchester is the perfect example of a truly complicated character. Here’s a parent who, if we take the pilot and the original s2 Djinn episodes at face value, could have been a great parent, who then got shoved into a fantastically impossible situation and made terrible choices that he thought were necessary in order to keep himself and his sons safe. That does not EXCUSE the heaps of abuse that he piled onto Dean in any way. We know John and Mary didn’t have a great marriage. But we also know from the pilot that John was at least a caring and present father, mostly, for the 4 years he got to parent in a normal world, and that if Mary had lived, John would’ve been a softball playing dad who raised his kids and had a loving marriage with his wife. (Again, I need to reiterate, I did not watch anything past the early episodes of s9. If there is later canon that negates this, I do not know about it, nor do I want to because I don’t think of anything past 5 as canon) This is all important to me because these things emphasize that John was “NORMAL”. He was a mechanic, from a family of mechanics, whose father didn’t bail on him (a man in the episode where Dean is transported back in time to Lawrence tells John to ‘say hi to your old man for me’ or something to that effect). He was just a midwestern dude. Giving John Winchester a fantastical background through this Men of Letters bullshit made me SO MAD. First of all, I hate when later canon negates previous canon. I cannon TELL you how much I hate it. And the later seasons of Supernatural are riddled with stuff that doesn’t make any damn sense in the context of original, Kripke written canon, which is exactly why I stopped watching. That’s not ~Evolution of the show.~ That’s conveniently forgetting stuff that made your show and its premise so successful to begin with in order to keep filming episodes so you can keep making money. It’s the sacrifice of art for capitalism and yes I know this is a stupid TV show but as a writer myself it PISSES ME OFF.

/rant

ALSO, the idea that this toxically masculine family was set on this path by Heaven, and inherited this curse that put them on this path from their mother was such a good plot twist in its heyday. We spent four seasons thinking of Mary Winchester as a victim of circumstance, whose fate could not have been avoided because she was the mother to Sam, who is effectively cursed. And then, we learn that its BECAUSE of Mary that this ball even got rolling in the first place. IDK if you were around for that time in the fandom but at least in my circle, this was a big fucking deal. There had been so much (rightful) discourse about John before this, and what kind of parent he was, that Mary became almost deified in the same way Dean deifies her. And then we find out that this whole story gets set in motion by a decision she made because this was the life she found herself in. This was great. It was interesting. And even though the MOL doesn’t negate any of this, it does give John this weirdly fantastical that isn’t necessary. Let this guy be just some Joe Schmoe who fell in love with a kick ass hunter and had no idea any of this even existed. Let Mary and her want to be ‘normal’ be a complicated moral choice that fundamentally altered the paths of her husband and sons. It’s good tv!

Also, I fucking hate the bunker. The best episodes are Dean and Sam having moments in the car, or while in motel rooms on their cases, or whatever. I don’t mind them having a home base. I’m fine with that. But if a building could ever be a Mary Sue character, the bunker is it. I hate all of the MOL storyline, starting with this place.

I may not even tag this as Supernatural, I don’t need angry later season stans in my inbox.

15. Unpopular opinion about the manga/show?

There’s nothing good about anything that happened after season 6. It’s all a bunch of retconning bullshit. Season 6 had its moments where it was interesting, so I cut it a little bit of slack, but as far as I’m concerned, the show ended in season 5. I’m not sure that’s necessarily unpopular, but it does feel that way on tumblr, so.

16. If you could change anything in the show, what would you change?

Aside from ending it in season 5?

Oooh, I’m about to blaspheme again. I am definitely not tagging this as Supernatural.

I would never have introduced Castiel, and I would’ve given that entire storyline to Anna. Or, alternatively, I would’ve flipped their story lines.

Look, for whatever it’s worth... I agree with the idea that Dean Winchester is a repressed bisexual. His Dr. Sexy love, the entire storyline with Benny in season 8, etc. I just don’t think he feels romantically about Castiel. And like, that’s okay! Just because you’re not into someone who is into you doesn’t mean you owe them a relationship or anything, no matter what the fandom thinks.

But I also think Dean has a big problem when it comes to women. Again, obviously later on in the series, Dean shifts and Charlie happens and Claire Novak and I know all of these things from gifs okay, context is not applicable here because I have none. But early on, Dean struggles A LOT with thinking of women as A) capable and B) trustworthy. He exists in a perpetual state of identifying women along the Madonna/Whore binary. Even Jo, however you feel about her, and to be clear, I loved Jo, but he doesn’t stop thinking of her really as a kid until they’re about to shoot the devil. Up until then, he’s genuinely surprised Ellen lets her out of the damn house.

Giving him a strong, capable woman who rebels against Heaven for HIM would have fundamentally altered Dean’s perceptions of women much earlier on than we get and would have forced him to examine some of that misogyny head on.

Dean has no problems trusting men. This is why the entire Gordon fiasco happens, right? It was less work for him to trust Castiel because Castiel is the inverse of Ruby. Angel to her Demon. Angels and demons don’t really have genders, but for the sake of presentation of vessels, man to her woman. Not even getting me started on the problematic parts of having significant demons mostly symbolized by women (Meg, Ruby, Lilith) and having significant angels mostly represented by Men (Castiel, Michael, Lucifer, Zachariah, Gabriel, Raphael), and how that ties into the idea of Original Sin and yada yada, but just like it’s interesting to have Mary and her decisions be the catalyst for the story, it’s interesting to have this badass warrior angel in Anna who marches down to Hell to yank Dean out, and through her interactions with him, decide to rebel against the ultimate patriarchy, while Dean gets an equally strong female counterpart to Sam’s Ruby, a woman for all intents and purposes that he respects as a soldier and an ally and not just a potential piece of ass.

Also, Castiel fans being literally unbearable is why I left the fandom. Nothing against Misha or anything, and not even anything against Cas as a character (who I very much enjoyed in seasons 4 and 5), but his fans have always been the worst and they try to insert him into everything.

19. What is the one thing you hate most about your fandom?

Castiel/Destiel fans, which even though I also hated the direction the show was going, drove me out of the fandom. Not like, personally or directly, but just the sheer mental hoops they had to jump through in order to make their ship work and I just got tired of seeing all of the contrived meta on my dash. Oh, and the rampant misogyny that came out of those early Castiel fans. I didn’t appreciate it from the Wincest corner, and I definitely didn’t appreciate it from the fans of the new guy. Gross.

22. Popular character you hate?

Oof. I don’t know. I don’t really hate Castiel, because again, I liked him a lot in seasons 4 and 5. Even 6 was interesting, even if I don’t regard it as my own personal show canon. I don’t think there was a popular character in those first five seasons I ever really hated. I didn’t fundamentally hate a character at all until the MOL stuff came around. Um. Yeah, I don’t really have an answer for this.

23. Unpopular character you love?

Pretty much every female character ever. Jo, Ellen, Ruby, Meg... although Meg became more popular as the series went on, Anna. Um. OH, BELA. Bela ESPECIALLY, I recently rewatched season 3 and I cannot emphasize how MUCH I love Bela. She was the best purely human foil ever. Bela is hands down the character I love most that the fandom had frothing at the mouth hatred for. It doesn’t help that I legitimately think Lauren Cohan is one of the most beautiful women on the planet. But seriously, Bela. Hands down.

24. Would you recommend XXX to a friend? Why or why not?

I have! Many of times, and ALWAYS WITH THE CAVEAT to stop at the end of season 5. Not a single one of them has listened to me and almost all of them came to me at the end of the finale and were like WHY DID I WASTE SO MUCH TIME, and I don’t want to say I told them so, but like, I explicitly in neon colored text once told them so, so like, idk what to tell them. But yes! I think if someone is interested in some classic mystery television that has an overarching theme of family and forgiveness and striking out against the boxes that life tries to put us all into, SPN is a great show. But only the first 5 seasons. Also, be prepared for some thematically problematic parts of the show because there’s a lot of cishet toxic masculinity in those early seasons, and we should examine our media critically. There’s also a lot of good though too, and IMO, the good outweighs the bad.

25. How would you end XXX/Would you change the ending of XXX?

I would’ve ended it at season 5. I would’ve had Sam escape the pit and seen him standing under the street lamp, but then I would’ve had him walking away to leave Dean with Lisa (btw, side note, I DIDN’T like Lisa because I don’t think Dean would ever be truly happy with someone completely outside the life). Not because Sam doesn’t love his brother, but because he *does* love his brother, and because he would want Dean to be happy, even though Dean and Sam’s ideas of what makes the other happy have always been a little bit screwed up.. but that’s a different story.

27. Least shippable character?

Probably Zachariah. God, could you imagine? And... maybe Alastair, but I’m sure there are fics out there that I do not want to think about.

#wonderwolfballoon #I cannot for the sake of my own sanity tag this #I don't need angry SPN fans coming at me #I hope the bold text at the top helps people to understand what's behind the cut

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