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jbbarnesnnoble · 4 years

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Another Lie

Summary: You struggle with your self-esteem and body image. Bucky and Wanda know something is wrong, but have no idea how to help you.

I totally didn’t forget to swap out the summary from my last fic

Features: Plus size!Reader with PCOS

Warnings: Disordered eating; self-esteem issues; anxiety

Pairing: Bucky Barnes/Wanda Maximoff/Reader

Background Paring(s): Steve Rogers/Sharon Carter/Natasha Romanoff

Notes: This is based on my own experiences with my self-esteem and weight as a plus size woman with PCOS. I will likely write another fic in this universe that is much more positive. This fic deals with the struggle of self image while struggling with PCOS. So please, please, please keep that in mind. The reader in this fic has a very unhealthy relationship with food, which is based on my own struggles with it. This can be triggering for some, so please take care of yourself and avoid this fic if you know it will be triggering to you.

Word Count: 2923

You sat by the window, pretending to pick at the salad you had brought. Lunch had turned into an early dinner at the end of the day, taking your break in the last half hour of the work day. You didn’t live at the Avengers compound. Tony had been on your case about at least moving into one of the homes on the grounds, but you stood firm in wanting your work and your personal life to remain separate. You were fairly certain the only person who knew where you lived aside from Tony, was Natasha and that was because it was Natasha. You weren’t an Avenger. You were a desk worker. You helped decrypt intelligence and create mission briefs. You had a critical role with the team, even if you didn’t feel like what you did was all that important most days. You weren’t the one risking your life.

The nature of your job was another reason Tony and some of the others wanted you living at the compound. While putting the team in one place did paint a target, the compound had impressive security measures. Everyone had a place outside of the compound, sure, but a lot of time was spent there, together. Their homes away from the compound were more like a retreat to recharge. Clint weaved in and out with practiced ease, spending as much time as he could with his family when he could.

But you insisted on staying on your own. The only compromise you made was having FRIDAY, though the AI was barebones at your instruction in your home. You had bought the house a year into working with the team. Tony had gotten you set up. You knew he worried. He would never admit to it, but he did. You could handle basic self-defense, but push comes to shove, if HYDRA or some other enemy of the team came knocking, your chances against them weren’t great.

You had always struggled with your self-esteem and self-image. It worsened when you started working alongside Nat and Wanda. You had kept yourself in check, but things had been weighing on you lately. It was easy to start skipping a meal here and there. Easy to pretend you ate something. You knew it was a slippery slope. You were on a collision course with trouble. But when you stepped on the scale that morning, the number staring back at you had you convinced it was okay, that you were fine. It wasn’t like you skipped every meal. You ate. It wasn’t much, but you ate. It didn’t help that your anxiety was interfering with your appetite.

You were pulled from your thoughts when Bucky and Wanda sat down across from you. You hadn’t noticed them come in with Steve and Natasha, who found themselves sitting on the couch, Sharon Carter stretched between them with her head on Natasha’s shoulder and her legs flung across Steve’s lap. Bucky and Wanda were somehow the two you were closest to.It wasn’t something people expected.

“Sticking around for movies tonight?” Bucky asked you.

“And pizza...we can get your favorite,” Wanda said. You frowned. If it was just movies, sure. But pizza...pizza would put you over for the day. You kept a tally of the calories, painfully aware of how many a single slice had. Pizza was one of your favorites, especially from the place the team ordered from.

“Get you an order of garlic knots, know you like them. You’ve been on a health food kick lately. You can have a bit of a cheat day, especially with us,” Bucky teased. You sighed, closing the container that held your salad.

“I can’t tonight. I have plans,” you said. You missed the look the two shared and the staring from the trio on the couch.

“Like a date?” Wanda asked, her voice going up an octave. You snorted.

“Right. Me on a date. No, I just have plans with friends. I do have a life outside work you know. You guys are great but, I do have other friends,” you explained. It was a white lie. Your friends were miles away, scattered about the country and the world. The only plans you had were a bubble bath and a salacious novel before you inevitably lost the ability to distract yourself and forced yourself to go to bed.

“You could invite them here,” Bucky offered. You raised an eyebrow. Wanda tried to hide her laugh before Bucky realized what he’d said.

“Right. Background checks,” he said.

“Security is the way it is for a reason. Maybe some other time,” you said. You finished your lunch before heading to your office to gather your things. You opened your fitness app, inputting your lunch. You sighed as you saw the number for the day. Next time, you’d skip the dressing.

When you got home you threw the container your salad had been in into the sink. You filled your water bottle and went to start the bath. You’d kill for a glass of wine, but shook your head at the thought.

It hadn’t always been this bad. For a while, you’d been fine. But anxiety crept in and twisted things around. You knew, on some level, that you weren’t okay. That you should talk to someone. But then your anxiety kicked in, whispering that your problems weren’t important, that saying anything would be a bother. You and food had a complicated, unhealthy relationship.

You had been on the heavier side of things since middle school. A diagnosis of PCOS once you were out of high school made things make sense. Why you had gained so much weight. Why you had so much trouble losing weight. It also contributed to your anxiety. It was a perfect cocktail for the issues you had with your self-esteem. There were so many ‘diets’ aimed at those with PCOS. Keto. Gluten free. Don’t eat this. Eat that. Cut the sugar. Carbs are bad. You were almost down a size since you’d started down this path again.

You stripped down and turned on the water, adding bubbles as you let it fill. Once the water was high enough, grabbing the latest book you had picked up. You put on a playlist you’d made and slipped into the bathtub. You tried to relax. But you couldn’t. Too many thoughts swirled around in your head. When you got out of the bath, you stared at yourself in the mirror after drying off. You poked and pulled at yourself before sighing. You traced the stretch marks that lined your stomach. You watched the jiggle of your arms and your thighs as you finished drying off. You could almost hear the criticizing tone of your grandmother on the days you felt confident enough to wear a shirt that showed more of your arms. ‘Why don’t you put on a sweater?’ ‘Do you really want to go out in that?’ ‘You should cover up.’ Her words echoed in your head.

Your stomach growled but you ignored it. You had maxed out for the day. You told yourself you would be better off ignoring it. You got dressed for bed and went to lay down for a while. You needed a distraction from the hunger you were feeling.

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Bucky and Wanda were worried. They had retreated to his room after you left. Neither spoke for a while.

“She never turns down pizza night,” Bucky said, giving Wanda a look. He was hoping she heard something. Wanda shook her head.

“You know I make a point not to listen. I tune everyone out unless something is too loud. We can’t violate her trust,” she said, sitting down beside him on the couch in his suite.

“She’s lost too much weight too fast, tell me you see it too,” Bucky said. He always noticed things when it came to you. The jeans you wore that once fit perfectly were starting to look baggy on you. The more fitted shirts you wore were also looser, in a way they were clearly never intended to be. Wanda nodded.

“I have. Tony has too. He can’t use FRIDAY to check on her either,” Wanda said before Bucky could even suggest it. Bucky frowned.

“Why not?” he asked.

“Because he promised her. FRIDAY only has the most basic functionalities in her home. Checking for a heartbeat is the extent of it. She wasn’t comfortable having FRIDAY in her home,” Wanda said.

“But when she’s here,” Bucky said. Wanda shook her head.

“FRIDAY doesn’t conduct health assessments on regular employees, not unless someone asks or they’re in medical for something,” Wanda reminded him.

“Couldn’t we ask?” he asked.

“No. Either she has to or Dr. Cho does. And you know Helen won’t do that without her consent. If there were something truly alarming, we have to trust that FRIDAY would alert someone,” Wanda told him. Bucky sighed.

“I don’t like this. Something isn’t right here. You’ve seen it yourself, Wanda,” he said. She placed a hand on his cheek gently, her eyes meeting his.

“I know. But all we can do right now is make sure she knows we’re here,” she said. He pulled her close, hoping you would come to them before whatever it was you were dealing with got too far out of control.

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You had decided to take advantage of the gym at work. Tony had offered the use of the Avengers gym, but you had decided to use the regular employee one.

You found the stationary bike after stretching, deciding to use it. You had one earbud in while working out. It was a habit you had gotten into so you could pay more attention to what was going on around you. Which was why you heard when Aisling from accounting came in with several other women.

“Don’t know why she bothers. She likes Sergeant Barnes and Agent Maximoff. She hasn’t said it outright but it’s pretty obvious. It’s sad. As if either of them would be interested in her,” you heard her say. You knew she had no idea you could hear her. Aisling was always nice to you when you had to bring something by accounting for Tony. You’d even had lunch together a couple times a week, usually.

“Aisling, come on. You’re friends with her, aren’t you? Would it kill you not to be such a bitch?” another woman said. She sighed.

“She’s nice, don’t get me wrong. But life isn’t a movie. People like Barnes and Maximoff don’t end up with people who look like her. And clearly the gym isn’t helping her,” you heard her say. You ended your workout and gathered your things. You didn’t want to hear anymore. You tore out of the gym, willing yourself not to cry. You were hurt. You thought you were friends. You decided to use the showers in the Avengers gym. It was more private. You didn’t notice Bucky and Wanda were in the gym with Natasha and Clint as you rushed past.

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Wanda and Bucky shared a look as you ran past. You were clearly upset. Natasha had a frown on her face.

“Wanda, come on, let’s go check on her,” Natasha said. Wanda nodded as she followed Natasha into the locker room. A shower was on. Through the door of the cubicle, they could both hear loud sobs. They decided to wait until you came out. When you did, you almost screamed. You were fully dressed, but you hadn’t expected to see anyone. It was clear you had been crying.

“What happened?” Natasha asked, jumping right to the point. You refused to look at either of them.

“Nothing,” you said.

“Want to try that again? You ran in here and you were crying. What happened?” she asked softly.

“Sometimes the truth hurts. That’s all. Look, I need to get back to work,” you said. You brushed past them and headed for your office, locking the door behind you.

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Wanda and Natasha shared a look. Wanda wasn’t keen on breaking your trust, but she had to know what happened to upset you.

“FRIDAY what happened before she came up to the gym?” Wanda asked.

“She was in the employee gym. I can play the audio from that time if you would like, Miss Maximoff,” FRIDAY said.

“Please,” Wanda said. FRIDAY played back the audio, isolated from your immediate vicinity. She and Natasha both heard what Aisling said. Things clicked into place for Wanda.

“FRIDAY, contact Dr. Cho. Tell her Bucky and I will be coming by,” Wanda said. Natasha gave her a questioning look, but Wanda shook her head.

She went to talk to Bucky and the two of them headed for the medical wing of the compound. They hoped that Helen would be able to shed light on what was going on with you. If anyone could, it was her.

“Is there anything you can do?” Wanda questioned once they told Helen their worries. Helen looked between the two.

“I can’t. Unless FRIDAY detects that Ghost is in danger, I can’t. She’s not an agent or an Avenger. There’s no reason to monitor beyond basic life functions ,” Helen explained. Ghost was a nickname that had stuck to you. You were good at weaving in and out of networks undetected and that translated to how you moved around the compound at times. You had a habit of appearing out of nowhere. Tony swore up and down you must be enhanced with a teleportation power.

“We just want to know she’s okay,” Bucky told her. Helen nodded. It was no secret that Bucky and Wanda cared deeply about you. The only person who seemed to be oblivious to it was you.

“I understand, Sergeant Barnes. I really do. But for now, be there for her. It might not be something medical,” Helen advised. Bucky and Wanda left the medical wing, still at a loss of what they should do.

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Another week passed. Most of the team was away on various missions. You were holed up in your office, working on decrypting something from the last mission Natasha had gone on, a solo run with Clint as backup. You hadn’t eaten all day. It wasn’t a conscious thing, and FRIDAY had reminded you to eat several times. You could feel yourself starting to shake and sighed. You were in the zone on your work and told yourself you’d grab a snack and a glass of orange juice in a few minutes.

By the time you moved to stand up, the shaking was worse and you were feeling lightheaded. You silently cursed yourself.

“Doll? Everything alright?” you heard Bucky ask. You jumped. You hadn’t been aware he was back from his mission.

“Yeah, yeah, just need to eat. Haven’t had anything today,” you said.

“Since breakfast you mean?” he asked. You didn’t look at him.

“Ghost, it’s four in the afternoon. You haven’t had anything yet?” he asked, alarmed. You sighed.

“It’s not a big deal,” you argued.

“Ghost, how much do you eat in a day?” he asked.

“Enough,” you replied, avoiding the question. You didn’t need anyone judging you for your habits.

“How much is enough?” he questioned, his tone gentle. You knew you weren’t getting out of this conversation. It would be easy to lie. But you couldn’t bring yourself to lie to him. You knew, on some level, that what you were doing wasn’t healthy, nor was it sustainable. You unlocked your phone and handed it to him.

“Ghost,” he whispered as he looked at your meticulously kept log. You hadn’t noticed Wanda enter the room.

“Why?” Wanda asked, as she took the phone from Bucky. You didn’t know where to start or how to answer.

“Look at me. I’ve tried every diet and none of them worked. I’m not pretty. I want to feel beautiful, you know? I want to be able to go out without thinking people are laughing behind my back. I want to go shopping and know if I find something I like, it’ll be in my size,” you rambled. You jolted when she brought her hand up to caress your face.

“You are beautiful. Don’t give me that look. You are beautiful in my eyes. In James’ eyes. Isn’t the saying beauty is in the eye of the beholder? You may not see yourself like that, but we do. And that’s okay. Things don’t change overnight, especially how we see ourselves,” she said.

“I think you should talk to Helen. This isn’t sustainable. It’s not healthy,” Bucky murmured. You were confused. You didn’t think they liked you, not like that.

“I don’t...why do you care so much?” you asked, eyes welling with tears.

“Because we care about you. We can talk about this more after you see Helen. We’ll be with you, every step of the way,” Wanda explained. You nodded.

“Okay,” you whispered. They walked with you, arm in arm to the medical wing. Helen had been expecting you.

“Everything will be okay. We’re here. And we’re not going anywhere,” Bucky said, taking your hand in his. You nodded. You weren’t sure what was going to happen next, but you knew, they’d be with you, whether it was as your friends or as your partners. Wanda sat on your other side, humming some calming song you didn’t know the name of.

You knew then. Things were going to start looking up. You were going to be okay. And they would be without, every step of the way.

#wanda maximoff #Bucky Barnes #bucky barnes/reader/wanda maximoff #wanda maximoff/reader/bucky barnes #Bucky Barnes Fanfic #bucky barnes/reader #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes reader insert #marvel fanfic #marvel fanfiction #marvel reader insert #winter soldier fanfic #winter soldier #wanda maximoff x reader #wanda maximoff/reader #wanda maximoff reader insert #scarlet witch/reader #scarlet witch x reader #marvel

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danni-dollarsign · 4 years

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A Critical Look at “Pokemon: Sword and Shield” From a Casual’s Perspective...

A/N: Hey! if you’re reading this, then thank you! I don’t know why, but I thought to myself, “Hey, wouldn’t it be cool to write a pointless essay about a Pokemon game?” And then I realized today was the 1YR anniversary of SWSH, so I figured I might as well just do it! So even though I’m late and probably nobody will really care to read all this nonsense, I wrote it! If you’re interested in all the analyses of PKMN SWSH, but aren’t too invested in the technical mumbo-jumbo used by the more hardcore fans, then maybe you’ll enjoy this.

Also, it’s worth mentioning that I’m literally just some rando on the internet saying my opinion. None of this should really be taken SUPER seriously - it’s mainly designed to provoke thought rather than try to argue any specific idea. So if I say something that you don’t agree with, you got two options: 1) Draft a constructive comment or DM to me and we can discuss calmly like adults, 2) shake your idea and ignore this. There’s really no need to get heated up over a video game essay, of all things, so let’s not do that lol.

But other than that, yeah! If you’re interested in more stuff like this from me (in-depth analyses of Pokemon games from the perspective of a low-key casual), lemme know! I’d love to chat with anyone about this awesome series.

So, without any further ado, let’s get into the essay (warning: it’s like ~8k words).

Introduction...

Welcome to the wonderful world of Pokemon! Love it or hate it, Pokemon has had a huge impact on popular culture in countless countries in a number of different ways, sparking memes, dreams, and happiness everywhere! It holds a very special place in my heart - Pokemon was a game that I got to share with my two older siblings, was one of the first fandoms I got into, and was a big reason as to why I grew to love creative writing so much after writing a couple fanfictions for the games. I’ve been playing Pokemon ever since my brother gave me a copy of Pokemon: Ruby and have been a devoted fan ever since. While I may not be super into the strategy and damn near mathematical aspects of gameplay, I’d like to consider myself a relatively knowledgeable fan with enough extra knowledge to give a look at one of these games from a casual, yet analytical view. So what game other than the newest title, Pokemon: Sword and Shield, with its release anniversary being today? In this casual online essay, I hope to describe all my thoughts of Sword and Shield (which I’ll shorten down to just “SWSH”) from the perspective of the everyday Pokemon fan.

General Gameplay...

Many top-title games of Nintendo are best known for their simplicity: in Super Mario Bros, you’re a mustachioed red guy jumping on monsters to try and save some random princess (who may or may not be in this castle); in The Legend of Zelda, you’re a green elf-looking guy slashing wildly at monsters with a sword given to you by some old guy in hopes of defeating some ultimate bad guy; and in Pokemon, you’re a child wandering around the region catching monsters who also accidentally saves the world before becoming the very best (like no-one ever was). And while the games themselves have grown from that initial stylistic simplicity, some have lost that creative in-depthness in favor of being playable for children. This is probably the biggest issue with the newer Pokemon games as of late.

Regardless, let’s look into the playability of SWSH.

It’s played like your regular Pokemon game; you’re a kid who journeys to become the Champion of Pokemon Battling with your friend, catching monsters known as “Pokemon” with pocket-sized balls dubbed “Pokeballs.” But I’m sure you’re all aware of that information, and are instead asking “Well, what’s the deeper plot?” Yeah, no, that’s it. You’re a kid catching Pokemon to become champion - oh, and you also accidentally save the world from a power-hungry businessman - but that’s neither here nor there.

Plot aside, the game is a bit barebones. It’s pretty linear gameplay (literally linear - the map of the Galar region is almost exactly a straight-line waltz from Postwick to Wyndon, which is a bit weird after dealing with the giant, sprawling maps of earlier generations) where you travel from place to place, beating gyms and catching ‘mons, before getting into a couple scuffles and becoming champion. For an RPG-styled game, it comes off as much too simplistic for older fans (I’d even reason that it’s too simplistic for younger players, as well). While I will say, I don’t exactly miss the days of hopelessly wandering around a pixel city, trying desperately to figure out how to move on to the next town because the answer to the puzzle is hidden in this giant area that my little peanut-brain couldn’t figure out at the time. But it is a bit demeaning to get “Hey, do you know where to go?” and “Hey, follow me so you don’t get lost!” and “Oh, yeah, want another tutorial on how to easily catch Pokemon for the fourth time in a row?” every two seconds in a city where there’s only two places to check out.

But we can’t really discuss the gameplay of Pokemon without discussing the highlights of the region. Ever since the transition from 2D to 3D, Pokemon games have begun a trend of gimmicks - which I like to call “battle enhancers” - that they use to add uniqueness to their games. X&Y had Mega Evolution, Sun and Moon (and USUM) had Z-Moves, and now we have Dynamax! As we all know, battle enhancers are the strategy by which the player uses some extraterrestrial/magic stone to physically enhance one pokemon at a time for a certain period of time - in the case of Dynamax, the pokemon either grows in size or changes in form, gaining the ability to use special type-based attacks for a duration of three turns.

Honestly, I think it’s a pretty fun mechanic! Dynamax combines the good components of both Z-Moves and Mega Evolution - new forms, awesome moves, and a ticking clock. It adds a bit more strategy to the battle enhancer, where the player actually has to plan out who and when to Dynamax (though it’s really not that hard - most everyone will save it for their ace or the pokemon with the type advantage at the very end of the battle, because that’s what you do). But it’s fun and creative, making the battle a bit more exciting when you see your beloved ace become gargantuan on a field while the audience chants in excitement. Initially, I was skeptical of the battle enhancer, but once I threw myself into the game and really got into it, I felt it was fun and cool for the region. My feelings were further improved when I learned that Dynamax was inspired by the idea that the Nintendo Switch had the potential to be played on the TV as well as in a hand-held mode. The idea of turning pokemon “big” on a “big-screen” is really just so cute to me, really. Overall, it’s a fitting concept that is paired well to the game when everything is considered.

But when you look beyond the Dynamx experience to find more content in the game… there’s really not much else. Many people (including me) were ecstatic to hear about the free-roam areas in SWSH - the Wild Areas. Here, you can do all the fun grinding stuff that makes Pokemon games a bit more challenging and fun - hatching eggs, shiny-hunting, running around in circles, Dynamax dens, etc. But when looking at other Pokemon games, that’s really it. Let’s examine Pokemon: Sun and Moon, for example. This game really shines not just for its refreshing setting and compelling plot-line, but also for it’s amount of cute and quirky mini-games to be enjoyed for a good while outside of the main story. Pyukumuku Chucking, Mantine Surfing, the Alolan Photo Club, Ultra Warp Ride Travel - a good handful of mini-games that appeal to different kinds of people! All of these mini-games aren’t just tossed in there, either - they have a fitting place in the culture of the world and add to it, rather than just reiterating it. But when you look for mini-games in SWSH, you won’t really find anything aside from just battling. Sure, there’s the Battle Tower, as well, but I’ll personally say that I’ve never been a fan of the concept of post-game NPC battle buildings. For a hardcore player, they might be fun, but as a casual who can’t devote the time to really dig into understanding how IVs and competitive breeding works, they’re really no fun. Not to mention that nothing is really being added or developed with these battle buildings; they don’t add to lore, they don’t add to the culture of the region, you don’t even really gain anything from it - they’re pretty much just places to battle the occasional familiar face and that’s it. While I’m sure plenty of people adore these facilities in the games, I’ve never been too partial to them (I’d even prefer those god-forsaken casinos over another goddamn battle frontier).

But my biggest problem lies with the release of the DLC. While I’m not against the idea of DLC in general, both The Isle of Armour and The Crown Tundra left a bitter taste in my mouth when I started thinking about the issue of playability in SWSH.

I have always been more invested in the storyline of Pokemon games rather than the battling aspects. Usually I’ve always just gotten through the main story, then wandered around to find extra post-game content or mini-games, and then moved on to other games. And that’s not necessarily a bad thing - I just figure that the games have served their purpose for me upon completion, so rather than bore myself wandering around and doing things that don’t interest me, I go find another game that has more story-based content. That being said, I finished SWSH in less time than any other Pokemon game (I’d say somewhere around twenty hours, complete with me running around in circles like an idiot before rushing through content intermittently); as a result, I was no longer actively playing the game by the time the DLC was announced.

I’ll be honest and say that when I learned about all that was being offered in both sets of DLC, I felt a bit betrayed. I’m well-aware that Nintendo is a corporate business, and therefore will always prioritize financial gain over their fans’ lasting enjoyment of their titles - that’s just a fact of life. But I couldn’t help but feel like I paid a bunch of money for the bundled titles, only to play a game that hardly could be considered worthwhile or satisfying without added headcanons or fan-works, and then get told that extra content is available that may or may not add satisfaction to the experience that’s already long since ended for me. It was just a bit disappointing - and I’m not talking about the whole “Dexit” deal (I actually was on-board with the idea of having no real National Dex - I felt it added realism to the games and would force players to get to know the new Pokemon instead of just choosing the same team they always have since Gen 1 or whatever). My gripe is that I paid for a whole game, wasn’t satisfied with the result, only to hear later that the content that I might have been missing is available to pay for? That’s incredibly annoying. Not to mention that I was further disappointed after learning about the contents of the DLC, but we’ll get into that later.

Overall, the playability of SWSH is very basic, but can be enjoyable if you suspend belief and just enjoy it for what it is. When it comes to storyline, it’s not much of a game, and doesn’t sport much post-game content besides battling.

Immersion and Ambience...

Many of my friends can attest that I tend to like silly, fantastical concepts because I personally love to throw myself into the universe being offered to me. Pokemon is really no different - the games have always sported a very immersive experience for me thanks to the combination of interesting regions and evocative music (especially the music).

I think that most every Pokemon fan has a specific region, city, and music theme that sparks a plethora of nostalgic emotions to the point of near tears. For me, that’s always been Pokemon: Platinum, the Twinleaf Town theme - just staring into the rippling reflection of the pond by the player’s home, listening to that beautiful synth clarinet playing that nostalgic melody - it makes my heart beat with so much fervent passion that I hardly have the words to describe it! And I think that sense of nostalgia - regardless of whether or not those memories are old or new - has always been a strong-suit for Pokemon games. They always have the ability to inspire such deep emotions in me and other alike in a variety of ways, further adding to the ability to immerse us into the game’s world. And whether your favorite area is as simple as Twinleaf Town in the Sinnoh region, or as agonizing as Rock Tunnel in Kanto, it’s the spirit of certain cities/towns/routes that further add to the immersion of the world in question. But how well does SWSH hold those values? Spoiler Alert: Not very well.

SWSH, in the end, is still a Pokemon game - so the setting is very vibrant and colorful and everything that can hold my attention for long periods of time. But the problem arises when one begins to progress through the game and continuously forgets what’s where and where’s what. A lot of the map is painfully basic (again, due to the literal linear nature of the Galar region) and the cities themselves kind of lack their own real originality. There was an attempt at unique cities that’s become iconic of the Pokemon franchise, but it doesn’t really stick. I think most people would agree with me that the only real memorable areas in the main game were Slumbering Weald, Ballonlea, and Spikemuth, and each of these areas have their own set of problems that also make them a bit difficult to fully enjoy. At their core, most all Galarian cities have the same basic set-up: basic green plants (if plants are in that area at all), the same brick roads that lead either to the gym or to a route leading in/out of city to another city, and a giant gym/key building in the center of it all. And that’s really about it. No real interesting buildings except for gyms and Rose Tower (and I guess technically the hotels), no extraneous locations that aren’t directly related to the plot or to gimmicks - it’s very bare-bones and really can take you out of the experience.

In a hard contrast, I’ll give the example of Generation 1’s region set up - every city has its own personality that also matches the feel of the region as a whole. Every city is based on colors, and each city is themed after that, respectively (i.e. Vermillion City, the city of sunsets themed around the color orange, is home to the Pokemon Fan Club and the kick-ass electric-type gym that initiates feelings of excitement; Lavender Town, the noble town themed around the color purple, is home to the Pokemon Tower and spooky spirits that inspire feelings of somberness and reticence). Obviously, this isn’t very realistic, but the trick isn’t to replicate reality - it is to inspire reality. The Kanto region is incredibly creative, and therefore is easy to immerse oneself into the world because it’s become a world we are actively interested in. We know that it could never truly be real or plausible, but that hardly matters when we are so enthralled with the colors and set-up and feeling of the towns. We don’t really get much of that in Galar. It probably isn’t such a great idea for your final city - being Wyndon - to feel blank and lifeless when compared to minor cities in the region. And even when we find cities that hold that uniqueness we desire like in Spikemuth or Ballonlea, there’s really no other reason to be there longer than just beating the gym. It’s sad, really. Spikemuth is such a interesting, creative-looking town home to such cool characters, and yet there literally is only one path to get in and out of the town - the town isn’t even given small houses to investigate like literally every other city in the region. It’s a waste of potential! The fact that I can’t investigate such a promising setting that inspires me really takes me out of the world, reminding me that this is just a video game in which you move from Point A to Point B. It’s no longer a fantasy world for me to explore, but instead a line at the DMV to get my Drivers’ License. The only real good thing about this is that fanfiction writers get so much free-reign when it comes to writing about the city - the only thing we really learn about the city is that it’s underfunded and gloomy and that’s literally it. I would have really liked to see more inspired cities around the region where things outside of the main plot can be done, but hopefully this is just a problem we’ll see in this region.

Probably the most important aspect of immersion (in my opinion) is the music. With the potential to make or break a game for me, I hold a lot of expectations on the music found in video games (I’ve been classically trained in music since elementary school, and have always had a fondness for video game music). Pokemon music has always been some of the most inspiring pieces of art in my life - whether it be the kickass battle suite of Champion Cynthia, or the somber piano melody of Emma’s Theme, the music of Pokemon has always been the first thing I notice and analyze whenever playing the latest title. That all being said, I have quite a few notes to make in regards to the soundtrack of SWSH.

I’ll start with the pros, first. Generally, every main title has had its own feel when it comes to the soundtrack - DPP was jazzy and smooth, Sun and Moon was based on popular Hawaiian music meshed together with classic Pokemon synths, RSE was all about the horn section (trombones and french horns all the way!). SWSH, at the end of the day, isn’t much different. The region is inspired by the UK, so it’s no surprise to discover that the soundtrack was inspired by popular British Rock. As a result, a lot of themes went really hard, keeping a hint of individuality even when some battle themes hosted similar instruments. The biggest appeal of the soundtrack, I believe, was found in the little moments, namely the cheers of the gym battle themes. I think it’s safe to say that most people get super hyped when they hear those rhythmical chants coming to life whenever in the final leg of the battle, right when you begin to Dynamax. That’s amazingly exciting, never failing to suck me into that exact moment to gather the power of God and anime to defeat my opponent. While I wasn’t totally rocking out to every single song that came on, I was pretty satisfied with the music of SWSH, overall. It’s not too bad, and hosts a few bops that I still seek out to get my blood pumping.

But, as to be expected, there are plenty of cons when it comes to the soundtrack of SWSH. I could go over this for hours and hours, detailing complex definitions of music theory and basic song comprehension, but I’ll just make this nice and simple: it was really bland.

Note that I said “bland” and not “bad” - the music is fine in my opinion, I just wasn’t feeling the same feelings as I had in previous Pokemon titles. It all felt like Pokemon music, but not much else. It was like remembering hints of a memory long-lost, but you don’t really care about to dig deep into your mind for context. Towns had music, routes had music, pokemon and characters had battle themes, yada yada yada, nothing really to write home about. If I had to pick a song that honestly, truly invoked emotions beyond “Oh it’s battle time, now”, it would have to be the Battle Tower Theme, and that’s most likely because it was written by someone else entirely (Toby Fox, also known as the creator of Undertale and composer of super hard-hitting jams). And the worst part is that I never would have even been able to hear the Battle Tower theme because I hate battle buildings (which is more of a personal problem, I know, but still). Honestly, I would have preferred hearing that theme as compared to Champion Leon’s battle theme - I feel like his champion theme was very bland and lifeless, simply holding all the required elements of a Pokemon battle theme just because that’s what has to happen. It’s uninspired, faceless, and corporate, only to be completely foiled by the unique blast of energy found in the Battle Theme, which just screams “Prove that you’re the best!” over and over to me (also known as a big theme in the Pokemon games, especially in SWSH).

That’s not to say that every other theme in the game was terrible. I much enjoyed Marnie and Piers’ battle themes, but for a different reason. As we know, Piers and Marnie host a more “punk rock” style when compared to literally everyone else in-game, a trademark of Spikemuth citizens. With their occasionally cold and prickly (no pun intended) personalities, their themes go a bit harder into rock-land as compared to characters like Hop or Bede. There’s no conflict of style there - it’s “punk” with “rock”, loads of guitars and bass with a hint of synths to keep that Pokemon flare, and fits a bit better in the setting of the world. Mild conflict arises when we start looking at characters who aren’t rockstars or idols - let’s look at Bede’s theme, for example. While it really isn’t a bad theme (it’s actually, dare I say, a bop), I wouldn’t exactly say that the resulting pieces fit neatly together like they do for the Spikemuth duo. Bede’s theme requires a lot of synths to accentuate his more flamboyant and immature personality, but also holds ties with the rock guitars while also trying so desperately hard to sound like a Pokemon song. Now, I don’t think “Pop Synth Rock” is anything bad, per se; I just feel like the added rock elements didn’t do much to add to the musical representation of our cliche jerk-face “rival”. It feels like the rock elements were an after-thought rather than a planned layer of musicality. I could really say the same thing about Hop’s theme, but then I would have to re-listen to Hop’s theme because I always forget what it sounds like even after listening to it a second before.

A big problem is that not many of these themes hold lastingly memorable motifs/melodies, which is a personal pet-peeve of mine in games where the music is highly esteemed. In pretty much every battle theme (except the generic pokemon encounter theme, which is the same melody in every Pokemon game, only with variations added to fit the music theme of the region) is just an on-going strip of notes that sound nice when playing the game, but if you tried to pick out the specific melody-line of that character, it’s a bit of work to really find anything. Let’s look at a more concrete example: Lusamine’s battle theme from Pokemon: Sun and Moon is up on my list of most memorable battle themes, and will do well without the extra influence of young me’s nostalgia seeping in like it would with earlier generations’ battle themes. Lusamine, as we know, was the elite antagonist of the game, being the leader of this esteemed Pokemon protection group who later is revealed to be using Pokemon for her own demented goals of perfection. Almost immediately, the player hears the signature accents of the harpsichord playing the prime motif before the piece digs into a full orchestration. It doesn’t sacrifice anything for the sake of “sounding like a Pokemon song”, nor does it sacrifice anything for the sake of keeping with the musical inspiration. Instead, it focuses on being exactly what it needs to be - a musical representation of Lusamine, hosting orchestra-based instruments (piano, violas and cellos, horns, violins, light pad synths, etc…). Most anyone can pick out a handful of memorable motifs from her theme (the main horns melody line, the harpsichord melody line, the mid-section cello and piano melody line, etc…), and those remain in our unconscious. So, it’s no surprise that when she becomes the “Mother Beast” later on, when the player hears hints of those signature melody lines becoming distorted in the madness of the new battle theme, it invokes a particular emotion that fits elegantly with the subject matter of the plot right then. In short, it’s musical storytelling done right. In SWSH, we don’t have that extra omph of emotionally-nostalgic motifs; instead, we just get songs that play in the background of this video game, and that’s really it. If you don’t like the song, good news - you’ll probably only hear it once or twice, depending on who the NPC is. If you do, then you’re out of luck for the very same reasons. This game lacks a very basic hint of soul to its soundtrack, which is really such a jarring idea especially when you realize that they paired up with a composer who arguably has mastered the idea of musical motifs (Fox).

This really isn’t just SWSH’s problem, either. I also went through a similar heartbreak in S&M during the final stretch of the main game; after battling Lusamine and saving the region from the threat of Ultra Beasts (more or less, anyway), we the player go to challenge the champion, who is revealed to be Profession Kukui since there really is no true champion for the newly-made league. It’s hard to go from an exciting, powerful battle theme like Lusamine’s to some generic, cardboard-cut-out version of a champion battle theme for Kukui. It’s hard to invoke any sort of emotional appeal when there’s no real inspiration to be felt in the music; with no emotional connection, there is no emotion. It’s, once again, just music that plays in the background of a video game. A similar experience happens in SWSH with the player’s match against Champion Leon; though we have the potential to gain an emotional connection to a Leon Theme motif, we don’t get that. Instead, we just get music that is programmed to be exciting for our championship match that will undoubtedly change our lives forever. Bland, boring, anti-climatic - all for the sake of coloring in the lines. This has been an on-going problem in Pokemon games for years in which the Championship Battle Theme is less interesting than the Evil Team Battle Theme, which probably isn’t a good idea. It’s annoying when your villain has a better theme than the literal strongest trainer in the region - it ruins the chances of likability for the region’s “good guys” and overall is anti-climatic when it is finally time to become champion.

Overall, the ability to immerse someone like me in a game is very important when it comes to retaining players. While SWSH isn’t the worst Pokemon game when it comes to immersion (considering the fact that I actually beat the main game, which I can’t say for other main Pokemon titles…), Game Freak certainly could stand to learn from the game’s shortcomings.

Creature and Character Design...

The monster design is arguably one of the most controversial topics when it comes to any Pokemon game. Some people only care about the designs of Gen 1, others accept everything but Gen 5, and a select few could rant for hours on the stupidity of literally every Pokemon design in the franchise. Regardless, the design of the Pokemon native to the Galar region is an important topic of discussion when analysing the potential for enjoyment of the game. After all, I’m an artist who loves drawing all my favorite characters as well as my favorite Pokemon, so understanding the designs of these beloved figures is vital to understanding the game in general. For sanity’s sake, I’ll only be discussing new Pokemon introduced in this region, and will be ignoring all previous pokemon that aren’t regional variants.

Overall, the designs of the latest Pokemon are satisfactory. Because of my tendency to always suspend belief in fantasy works, I’ve very rarely had much to hate about Pokemon designs (not even in Gen 5, though I don’t particularly like any of them aside from the game cover legendaries). SWSH didn’t really bring much to the table when it comes to brand-new Pokemon, but the ones introduced are fitting and interesting: the Dragapult line, all three starters (even if I did laugh for literal hours at the discovery of Cinderace’s typing), Wooloo and Dubwool, Yamper and Boltund - just to name my top favorites. And I was totally invested in the designs of the game cover legendaries, Zamazenta and Zacian, since they held cultural relations with the region’s inspiration and therefore had actual meaning within the game besides just being cool mythical creatures. Nothing really outright bothered me with the designs or pokemon choices in this game; as I mentioned earlier, I was okay with the idea of no National Dex for this region, and that all the pokemon allowed in this game matched with the region well-enough.

But, of course, it’s not without faults. I found there to be a substantial lack of original legendaries in this game - we only have three real legendaries to catch in the main-game, four if you consider the DLC. We had a similar problem in Pokemon: Sun and Moon, but it was later amended with the introduction of Ultra Beasts (which can technically be regarded as legendary Pokemon, albeit from another dimension and not technically Pokemon). In SWSH, we are only given the option of catching more than two legendaries if we buy the DLC - this is remarkably disappointing for those who are interested in seeing new, unique Pokemon designs. I know many fans are constantly frustrated with Game Freak’s tendency to overuse Gen 1 Pokemon, but the fact that nobody is bothered by the running trend of being able to easily catch a bunch of previous games’ legendaries is beyond me. It’s essentially the same thing, overly relying on the fanbase’s sentimental nostalgia rather than moving forward to create new creature designs. I know for a fact that so many people would have been excited to catch Pokemon with cultural significance (maybe like elf Pokemon that resemble that of Seelie/Unseelie fairies, or more Pokemon that resemble chess pieces, or maybe more Pokemon that follow a theme of medieval artifacts - there are many possibilities), so the fact that they skimped out in favor of making people pay for nostalgia is ridiculous to me. This was a majority of the reason why I rejected buy any of the DLC content - why would I pay for Pokemon I’ve technically caught before? I mean, I guess it can be more for the kids who have never encountered the older legendaries, but then again, wouldn’t it be more beneficial for your game to have Pokemon that actually represent the new region? Instead of just stealing other games’ legendaries for the sake of saying that you have them, they could have just worked a little harder to design maybe three or six more cool legendary designs and centered those guys around the two DLC locations instead of just having Calyrex for The Crown Tundra. At the end of the day, it’s really just a cash-grab; the only reason I could ever see myself understandably buying the DLC for SWSH would be because I wanted to interact more with my favorite NPCs, but then again, I can just look at screenshots on Twitter and feel just as satisfied.

But not all is lost in terms of designs. Now let’s get into my favorite design portion of this segment and discuss the NPCs.

First, we’ll dig into the rivals. Personally, I really enjoyed the rivals of this game; while Pokemon is definitely running on a formula, I still was able to find enough about the three rival characters to genuinely enjoy their presence whenever they came on screen. I suppose we can expect to keep seeing this new Pokemon Trainer Rival Formula: Kind of Annoying but Too Sweet to Hate BFF Rival (Hop), 2 Edgy 5 U Rival (Bede), and Some Pedo’s Waifu Material Rival (Marnie).

Hop is arguably one of my favorite Pokemon rivals of all time (right up there with Gladion from S&M). He’s one of the only Pokemon characters to get a realistic character development over the course of the game’s playable story, which really humanizes him and makes up for his occasionally annoying personality. Over the course of the game, Hop goes from silently residing in his brother’s shadow to learning to stand on his own without needed any outside validation; much to my surprise, it’s not some half-hearted transition. Hop doubts himself during the challenge, as evidenced not just by his dialogue but in the way he actively changes his team to try and be more competitive like everybody else. I remember feeling so heartbroken in realization that Hop stopped using his beloved Wooloo, which is rightfully paired up with the excitable boy. The idea that Hop uses Wooloo, a normal-type cute Pokemon that generally wouldn’t be used in a competitive team, really adds more dimension to his character; when he learns to enjoy himself instead of letting his doubts overtake him, he returns to using Dubwool and his favorite team, demonstrating how he would prefer to have fun as himself than be someone he isn’t. I found that to be a really wholesome theme to his character, one that we haven’t really seen in a Pokemon game yet - it was a pleasant surprise! Hop is sweet and kind, always wanting to motivate the player even when he’s in his own internal turmoil. With all that added with his adorable babyface and goofy/awkward preteen disposition, he really makes for a likeable rival character.

The next rival to be introduced is none other than our classic Mean Boy rival, Bede. He’s a character the fanbase is a bit more accustomed to due to previous titles’ rivals (i.e. Green/Blue/Gary Oak from in R&G/B, Silver from SGC, technically also Gladion from S&M…), so are quite a few expectations placed on his character as a result. Also true to the typical Pokemon Jerk Rival, he has a complicated homelife (he comes from an orphanage, as we later learn) and has a similarly complicated parent-child relationship to the leading antagonist of the game (in this case, Chairman Rose). Bede constantly assumes himself to be better than he is and isn’t afraid to be a total prick about it, choosing to bully Hop upon winning battles against him to boost his own inflated ego (though there’s hints pointing to Bede actually having rather low self-esteem). All things considered, I liked Bede as a character about as much as one can like a mean rival archetype, but I was more than pleased to discover his transition to a more likably mean-spirited character when he later returns to the game to challenge the player after being disqualified from the challenge. While we’ve had a likeable mean rival before (namely Gladion), Bede is something of his own entity with how he actually has an attempt at character development that leads him to a mini-redemption near the end of the game. He’s really the first mean rival to have a transition from total jerk to slightly-peeved tsundere, which was probably a good idea on Game Freak’s part so that we wouldn’t be left with a character we downright hated after the way Bede quite literally destroys Hop’s confidence. It’s nowhere near as impressive as Hop’s character development (which isn’t super impressive to begin with, but let’s ignore that fact for a bit), but it’s still interesting to see in a monster-catching game about being the best you can be.

And then, of course, we get to the cute-girl rival, Marnie, also known as the place where I get a bit mad again. I’d like to say that I absolutely love Marnie; she has an adorable design and interesting personality that captures my attention whenever she has screen time. But she serves one purpose in this game, and one purpose alone - being the main cute girl rival of the game. Marnie has the potential to be a similarly interesting rival (cute design that meshes “punk” with “cute”, has a wholesome and fun dynamic with her gym leader older brother, uses a Pokemon that isn’t considered to be a “competitive” choice as her ace, has a cool/cute personality…), and yet we probably only talk to her about five times over the course of the main game. Little is done with her character - in fact, the only real thing she does in the game other than becoming the next dark-type gym leader is that she helps the player sneak into Spikemuth after the gates have been shut by the remarkably-harmless Team Yell. I don’t think I’m alone in saying that I would have loved to have seen more done with her character. With the boy rivals being more fleshed out than her, it leaves a sour taste in my mouth because the female rival is the one left with a blank personality (and I’m not just saying that because she hardly smiles - that’s really one of the only things we get about her that gives her an actual personality). My frustrations are further exacerbated because this has always been an issue in Pokemon games, in which the girl rivals are so barebones for seemingly the only purpose of serving as some neckbeard’s waifu that they can input a personality they desire despite the fact that she’s canonically a minor. Why put in the time to give dimension to Hop and Bede, but not Marnie? And we know for a fact that Game Freak has to recognize the lack of personality given to Marnie, especially since they had previously come out with Lillie’s wonderfully sweet character arch in S&M and USUM. Personally, I feel that it was because they didn’t feel like having a more punkish girl character who also had traditionally feminine-coded interests (she’s known to have been distracted during the gym challenge by the boutiques) and ultimately decided to just not give her any further personality other than that, perhaps fearing that it would dissuade the gross creeper fanbase from latching onto her. But that’s really just speculation, so don’t take any of my nonsense too seriously. Really, I’d just rather we had a girl rival with more personality to match the other two rivals so it wasn’t so annoyingly unbalanced.

Moving on from the rivals, we get into the designs of the League Staff of the game. In most other Pokemon games, I’d never really been too interested in the gym leaders; they had always been more of minor bosses, just faces that you saw for a couple of seconds before pummeling their ‘mons and moving to the next city. But in this game in particular, there was a sudden transition from simple puzzle master to a full-on celebrity figure. I really enjoyed this! It was so nice to actually have some information on the gym leaders other than what type they sported; suddenly, they have personalities and interests - they become real to the player. Not to mention that there really is a gym leader for everyone to enjoy, thanks to their unique personalities and styles.

I’ll be a bit honest and say that some of their clothing designs are remarkably stupid for even an anime-based RPG game (I mean, I know we joke about Leon’s terrible sense of fashion in the fanbase, but can we just pause and ponder what Piers’ wears? I mean, a leather jacket with spandex? Metal boots and a work-out tank??? What is he wearing?!), but it isn’t exactly distracting. In Western cultures in particular, we can see a trend towards the glamourization of the “athleisure” style, or athletic wear designed more for everyday use rather than just working out. It was kind of fitting to see this be the primary style for the gym leaders, who can basically be described as hierarchical sports stars. Weird? Sure. But in the context of the world, it all fits together, and once again adds to the immersion aspect of the game.

Looking at our main antagonists, they are designed quite well. Chairman Rose is designed to be quite easy and fun to hate (at least for me) - he’s an important-looking businessman who’s very impressed with himself, paired up with a beautiful yet terrifying subordinate woman who does most all the hardwork for him (...actually, they kind of remind me of an antagonistic Cl. Mustang and Lt. Hawkeye from Fullmetal Alchemist…). They also had noteworthy battle themes that popped a bit more than other battle themes in the game.

While they hardly count as antagonists, I’d like to also make a brief mention of Team Yell. They’re more annoying than anything, which is a trend that I’m not too sure how I feel about yet. It was definitely more likable coming from Team Skull, that’s for sure. I would have liked Team Yell doing a bit more damage, having them be a bit more unruly and controversial before evening them out with the whole emotional appeal of them cheering on for Marnie in hopes of saving their ruined town. But they weren’t too terrible in my opinion.

I could talk for hours on the champion of the region, too, Champion Leon. He’s a really fun and charming character overall, less of the supremely wise and powerful champion that we’ve seen in older gens and instead being a more quirky but worthwhile opponent on the path towards the crown. But I definitely preferred him more as a character than as a champion; even though his team changes depending on your starter, it’s not too challenging of a fight if you know what you’re doing, especially when you immediately know what his ace pokemon is (something we don’t really learn in other gens about the champions). While I’m sure the idea of a powerful but transparent champion can be done, Leon doesn’t really stand up as a powerful trainer when compared to other champions in the franchise. But he’s definitely still a fun, interesting character concept that I am grateful for in this particular game.

When it comes to the designs of the primary NPCs and Pokemon, SWSH continues to talk that line just above mediocrity. Not too bad, not all that great, but definitely not something to be forgotten. I’d reason that the primary strength of this generation lies within the characters that are introduced.

Uniqueness vs. Status as a Pokemon Game...

In regards to the uniqueness - how well this game stands on its own as an individual concept rather than just another Pokemon game - I’m a bit divided. On one hand, I’m a bit saddened by the watering down of content and constant reliance on concepts from older games. But I can also see that SWSH introduced a lot of interesting ideas that have inspired so many fans for this generation. And while yes, this gen didn’t have much to offer in terms of new Pokemon, new scenarios, or new lore, I do think that it does hold its own when compared to the other games in the main series. New characters are introduced to the player, all of which having good (and bad) traits that allow for lots of fan-created content with their essence; a new look into a brand-new battle enhancer that requires a different strategy than those of previous battle enhancers; a new culture found within the Galar region that can inspire many more thoughts and theories on the Pokemon world as a whole in a number of ways. We cannot pretend that SWSH isn’t an influential game just because it wasn’t ground-breaking; even with my extreme distaste for the Black and White games, I still admit that they led to important decisions and ideas that led to the creation of games I did enjoy. So, as its own entity, I think that Pokemon: Sword and Shield really has a lot of offer and would probably be an amazing game for a younger player who’s just getting into the Pokemon universe.

But I think that a lot of us long-time fans can agree that this game doesn’t quite match up with the others in terms of giving those real “Pokemon game” feelings. The problem with big-titles like this is that the company tends to lose sight of what really makes a franchise so influential isn’t the stuff found at face-value. It’s not the creatures or NPCs or game mechanics or design or any of that garbage - it’s the feelings we get when all of those things reach that perfect harmony. It’s the rumble in my chest whenever I listen to that famous intro-sequence of my old Pokemon: Ruby game; it’s the fire in my eyes when I went back to challenge Pokemon Trainer Red for the tenth time that night back in my old Pokemon: Heart Gold game; it’s the tears I cried when I watched the only interesting character, N, leave my playable character after his emotional spiel following the defeat of Ghetsis in my long-since abandoned copy of Pokemon: White. At the end of the day, Pokemon is more of an emotion I get rather than a game I play, and I think this is an idea that few people can recognize for themselves. And while I’m aware that I literally just spent several thousand words bagging and praising this game for all those face-value aspects, I also know that when you add that extra little bit of care to your work, go a little further with a character you know someone will adore, or try something new with that new battle theme, there comes a sensation that goes beyond that of love for a silly fantasy game. I’d like to think it’s something akin to inspiration.

Conclusion...

In conclusion, Pokemon: Sword and Shield is far from perfect. With a number of faults and disappointments, I can understand why a lot of fans were less than interested in giving this game the time of day. But I also want to say that this game deserves to be understood and appreciate for what it is, for what it’s done. Who knows what sort of new ideas this game has inspired? Whether it be in the name Pokemon game or someone else’s passion project, I am confident in the potential that this game has to bring someone’s dreams to fruition. It already has inspired so much amazing fan-content from the community; after so many years of being away from the fandom, SWSH was the game that drove me right back, giving me the drive to once again indulge in my middle-school days of sketching out my latest comfort character or writing out a million headcanons in a way-too plot-heavy story. Many fan-creators in this community feel the same as me, I’m sure, so it would be untrue of me to say that this game was anything less than what it was: a fun, simple game that prides itself in its characters and potential rather than complex combat mechanics or some corkboard-plot nightmare. It’s a game meant to be enjoyed, so we must remember to find our enjoyment wherever it can be found. For me, Pokemon can’t really do much wrong, but also is held up to a level of expectations that I can’t quite understand even for myself. This, at the end of the day, is a video game from my all-time favorite franchise; so long as I can find enjoyment there in it, then it’s worth it. In a world filled with nihilism and cynicism, it’s nice to visit a land where you’re wise to try and be the very best like no-one ever was, to be the next best Pokemon Master.

#pokemon #Pokemon Sword and shield #pokemon swsh #swsh #sword and shield #game review #game #analysis #review #post mortem #(does this count as post mortem???)#casual gamer #essay #video game #food for thought

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boywizardscanbecute · 5 years

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This idea came to me in a dream last night and I loveeee it Summary: You live with the Goldstein sisters and you’ve worked together with Tina, your best friend, for years. So when the two of you see Mary Lou Barebone attacking Credence, you both attack her and as a result you both get demoted. When the events in New York transpire, you help Newt alongside Queenie and Tina round up his creatures and befriend him as well. After Newt leaves, you’re reinstated as an auror alongside Tina with the specific orders that the two of you work together as you work best with each other. Six months after Newt’s departure this changes. Plot only altered slightly. Note- In this version Leta and Theseus are not together (Opens him up for the reader :))

Word count: 10,000

MACUSA, New York CIty, September 1927

Sighing, you stride into the office that you and Tina share, plopping down in your chair. Munching on your turkey sandwich, you pull out a piece of parchment, a letter, addressed to you. It was a letter from Newt. Tina raises her eyebrows at you from her own desk, looking to the paper. “It’s a letter from Newt,” you explain. She scowls and looks away, tearing the crust from her sandwich. Laughing at her reaction, you turn back to the letter. It reads:

Dear y/n,

It’s lovely to hear from you again. My brother still won’t lift my travel ban, it’s a bit embarrassing. Have I mentioned he doesn’t like me much? Anyways please don’t mention it to Tina, I hate to let her down again. I’m trying to get back to give my book to her, truthfully. I don’t mean to pry but do you know why she hasn’t returned my letters to her? I realize my description of aurors in my previous letter was less than complimentary, I feel a bit bad about that. But I only have the aurors I know of at the ministry here to go off of. Oh dear, the baby nifflers have run off again so I’ll have to end my letter here. I look forward to hearing from you, and hopefully, Tina. Your friend,

Newt.

Writing a response you ask, “Teeny do you want me to add anything you want to say to Newt? He keeps asking about you, you know.” Tina scoffs, “I’m not sure why you’re even writing to him anymore. He called us a bunch of careerist hypocrites! That’s highly offensive in my book. “Tina you know he didn’t mean it,” you argue. “And how do I know that?” she shoots back. Sighing, you turn to the letter and say, “He even says it in here. He feels a bit bad about it.” Tina can’t help but look up in curiosity, which you pick up on. “You want me to tell him about Achilles Tolliver?” you tease her. She blurts out, “No don’t do that!” Smirking you ask, “And why not?” Tina resembles a deer in the headlights as she looks down, blushing profusely. Trying to recover she mumbled, “Tolliver and I only went on two dates. Besides he IS too much of a careerist hypocrite to deal with.” “No denying that,” you agree, finishing off your sandwich. Sealing the envelope, you place your letter back to Newt in the outbox on your desk so that one of the assistant aurors can send it off later. About to tuck into some paperwork, there’s a hesitant knock on the door. “Come in,” you and Tina both answer, not looking up from your desks.There’s a shuffling of footsteps and then quiet. Looking up you see a timid messenger who you don’t recognize standing there, nervously shuffling his hands. “Well? Speak why don’t you,” you gesture to him. His voice squeaks out, “Right. Ms. Goldstein, Ms. l/n, President Piquery wants to see you in her office right away.” You sigh, “Alright thank you. You can go.” He exits hastily. Tina sighs, taking her feet off of her desk. Slipping on your blazer, Tina follows suit.. Flipping your hair out from under your collar you hold the door open for your friend as she comments, “Best not to keep her Majesty waiting.” Laughing, you fall in step behind her.

Walking in matching strides, the footsteps of your and Tina’s boots echo against the marble flooring. You can feel eyes following you as you head towards the president’s office. It was no secret that you and Tina were something of a power duo, putting more criminals behind bars than any other aurors combined. Tina was your best friend, basically a sister, and you wouldn’t trade working with her for anything. Living with her and Queenie, you were finally able to put your orphan past behind you, finding a new family in them. But much to Queenie’s dismay, Tina’s tastes rubbed off on you and you donned pantsuits and black boots everyday to work alongside your friend. Today you sported a navy pantsuit, Tina a grey one. Strolling into her office you announce yourselves, “Madam President you wanted to see us.” She looks up from where she stands at her desk and says, “Ah yes, Goldstein, L/n, come in please there’s much to discuss.” Sharing a curious look with Tina, the two of you sit down on the other side of Piquery’s desk. She clasps her hands together and says, “Credence has been sighted in Paris.” Nothing could have prepared you for that statement. But as much as you were in shock and full of emotions, Tina felt them ten fold because she was the one who initiated the attack on the Barebones mother last year. She blamed herself more than anything. Tina says nothing so you speak up, “That can’t be possible. Credence died, we watched him die.” Your President herself wears a look of bewilderment and says, “The thought does defy logic. Nevertheless the fact remains that Credence is alive. He is in Paris.” You ponder the thought for a minute. Tina finally speaks, “So are we going to Paris? To go after him?” She looked hopeful. The President stops, placing her hands on her desk. She looks at the both of you. Finally she sighs, “Goldstein, you will go to Paris after Credence. L/n, you’re to stay here.” You shoot to your feet and object, “But we’re always assigned to cases together! You know we work better together than on our own!” She holds up a hand for you to be silent. Reluctantly, you sit back down and look at Tina. She doesn’t look scared, she never was, but Tina wore a look of fury. She pipes up, “With all due respect Madam President you know that we would be much more effective working together.” She sits down herself and rubs her temples. After a pause she says,“You’re not wrong Tina. Nevertheless we need a strong auror here. Graves is still in recovery and we need someone to run the auror department. Y/n that will be your job.” You choke on air, “Excuse me?” President Piquery laughs and says, “Yes, you heard that correctly. You will begin running the department, at least until Percival Graves is cleared for duty. Tina you will leave for Paris tonight. Grindelwald is trying to use Credence, to recruit him. You have to get him in custody before that happens.” Tina questions, “Madame President you know that when it comes down to it, I am not willing to risk Credence to keep him from Grindelwald.” She sighs, “I’m very well aware of that Goldstein but nevertheless we need you to go.” Tina accepts, “I’ll leave tonight. Do you have a case file for me?” Piquery nods, “You’ll find it on your desk with communication instructions. Good luck.” She dismisses both of you from her office.

That night at dinner Queenie knows something’s wrong. She snaps, “You gonna tell me what’s going on or shall I read your minds?” You share a guilty look with Tina. Queenie huffs, “I’m waiting.” Tina confesses, “Queenie I’m going to Paris to look for Credence. He’s alive. It’s Piquery’s orders.” Queenie smiles, “That’s amazing! I’ll bring Jacob and then we’ll all still be together!” Tina replies, “Queenie I told you to stop seeing that man, I’ll hear no more of it. If you mention him again I’m bound by law to obliviate him.” Queenie looks furious. “So you’re leaving me here alone,” you states. You speak up, “Actually no. President Piquery has decided to split Teeny and I up for this assignment. So I’ll still be here.” Queenie asks, “And you’re okay with this?” Tina groans, “No. But you can’t exactly refuse the President’s personal orders. Besides if Credence is alive one of us needs to get to him before all the other aurors in the world obliterate him.” Queenie nods thoughtfully. “So when do you leave?” her voice is suddenly quiet. Tina avoids her gaze and whispers, “Tonight. After dinner.” Queenie leaps up from the table and hugs her older sister. “Be safe Teeny,” she chokes. “Always will be Queenie,” Tina replies. Clearing the table, you look on with sorrow. This would be the first time the three of you would be split up in years. Not only that but if Queenie kept seeing Jacob you knew a rift would form between her and Tina, and that was the last thing you needed.

Tina stands by the door, ready to leave. She has an extremely tearful goodbye with her baby sister and you knew she must have felt guilty for leaving. She promised her parents before they died that she would always take care of Queenie. Tina turns to you and your goodbye is different. You both had rough exteriors and refused to cry. Hugging her tightly you joke, “Don’t make me come clean up your mess over there okay?” She laughs, “I’ll try not to.” Looking at your friend you say, “See you soon?” She shakes her head, “I’ll get back as soon as I can. That way we can keep putting the bad guys behind bars.” You laugh at her joke. So you and Queenie send your beloved Tina off to Paris, praying silently for her safety.

The next three weeks are an extreme blur as you’re left to run the entirety of the American Auror Department on your own, Percival Graves still in critical condition. Queenie immediately started bringing over Jacob which you pretended to ignore. But then one night at dinner she announces that her and Jacob are going on a trip. “What?” you ask again. “Jacob and I are going to London! We’re gonna visit Newt!” “Oh,” you say at a loss for words. Reading your thoughts she says, “I’m not meaning to leave you all alone by yourself. But in Europe they have different laws about relationships with no-maj’s. I wanna experience that.” “It’s fine Queenie,” you lie. She groans, “I know that you’re lying y/n. And I’m sorry. But Jacob wants to see the world, and I do too.” “So when will you go see Newt?” She giggles joyfully, “Somewhere along the way don’t worry. We’re gonna surprise him, so don’t say nothing okay?” “Alright,” you reply. Queenie leaves to pack and you sit in solitude, dreading being alone. The next day her and Jacob leave and at the same time you receive a letter from Newt.

Dear y/n,

I hope you and Tina are well. I’m sure you’ve heard by now that Credence is alive. I’ve been asked by multiple people to go to Paris and collect him. It’s not right though, and besides, I still have the travel ban on me, no matter how hard I try. I read that you were appointed to Head Auror in Grave’s absence. I offer you my deepest congratulations, but please don’t go acting like my brother.. I must go, but please tell Tina that I miss her. Congratulations again,

-Newt

You write an extremely rushed reply, having just been summoned to Piquery’s office.

Dear Newt,

Thank you for your congratulations. I will try not to be a careerist hypocrite I swear. (You know that I tease.) Regretfully, I cannot tell Tina that you miss her as she has been assigned to go to Paris to find Credence and for security, I cannot have contact with her. She may hide it, but I know she misses you too. Just be patient with her, you know she’s headstrong. Wishing you well,

-y/n

Pulling on your trench coat, you huddle against the rain and rush into MACUSA, heading straight for Piquery’s office. Shaking the droplets from your coat you say, “Madame President.” She turns at the sound of your voice and gestures for you to sit down. Sighing she begins, “Percival Graves is still in critical condition. If I can be candid with you, I am fairly certain he won’t make it, regretfully. This brings me to my point. Now I know that you work with Ms. Goldstein closely and she can still be apart of your top aurors, but, I would like you to take over as Head Auror for MACUSA.” Your eyes widen in surprise. Happily, you accept the offer, jumping at the chance to do some real good and bring justice to the world in upheaval. “Very well then congratulations. Now get to work,” Piquery tells you. Turning to leave you stop and ask, “Madame President have you heard from Tina?” She sighs, “I shouldn’t say this for security purposes, but yes I have. She’s not yet found Credence but she has a lead at the Circus Arcanus.” You nod and leave.

The next two weeks bring the most chaos that you’ve ever dealt with. Without Tina’s help, it was hard to run the department on your own. But you managed, training new aurors as fast as you could. Arriving home extremely late one October night, you slouch against the door of your empty apartment. Hanging your coat up, you walk over to the kitchen table and see a letter from Newt. Opening it, it reads:

Dear y/n,

Queenie and Jacob visited just now and chaos ensued. I’m writing this now before I depart. Did you know that she had Jacob under an enchantment? (You gasp at that, having no idea) When I lifted the enchantment, Queenie got upset and said she was going to see Tina. I’d only just received your letter moments before they arrived. I’m going to Paris to find Tina. Try and explain things. Bringing Jacob with me. Wishing you all the best,

-Newt

As you finish the letter a patronus messenger enters your home. Madam Piquery’s patronus. It states clearly, “Tina has gone missing. She hasn’t reported back in three weeks. I’m assigning you to go find her. Find her and then find Credence. I will take over your directing auror duties until you return. Start at the French Ministry, ask the other aurors if they’ve seen her. Speak to the head auror of the British Ministry. Find her.” “Oh god,” you gasp, hand to your mouth. Still in your work clothes, a black pantsuit with a white blouse underneath, you scurry to your coat rack and throw on your green trench coat. Holding your wand in your mouth you hastily pull your hair up into a messy ponytail and disapparate.

French Ministry for Magic, Paris, November 1st, 1927

You apparated into ministry premises, thus, immediately alerting them of your presence. The speaker declared, “Magical Congress of the United States Head Auror y/n l/n on the premises.” Studying your surroundings, you see people pushing carts and files around lazily. Walking up to an information desk you command, “I need to speak with the Head of the auror department of Britain’s Ministry of Magic immediately.” The woman recognizes your status and says quickly, “Follow me.” She leads you down a long corridor all the way to the door at the end. “Mr. Scamander should be inside,” she tells you. You’re about to thank her when your voice jumps up, “Scamander?” She nods, “Theseus Scamander. Head auror of Britain’s Ministry for Magic.” Swallowing your surprise you thank her and knock on the door, not waiting for a reply, you step through.

On the other side of the door sits a very tall man with auburn curls, very similar to Newt’s but darker. He seems to be at least 6 years older than Newt. He had the same freckles but instead of green his eyes were shockingly blue. He looks up annoyed. “This is an office, what is the meaning of this outburst? I’m waiting for a meeting with the American head auror,” he tells you, the irritation in his voice clear. “Oh boy this should be good,” you mutter under your breath. Stepping forward you make a mental note to not mention that Newt was in Paris even though he was still banned from travel. “Yep that’s me,” you tell him. He looks at you in disbelief. You laugh at his reaction. He shakes his head and says, “I thought Percival Graves was the head of the auror department at MACUSA.” Stepping around to the side of his desk, you casually lean against it. “Nope. It’s me,” you state. He watches you with increasing intrigue at your casual behavior. Crossing your arms you look to him and say, “Well? Are you just gonna sit there or are we going to get to work?” He scoffs, “You’re being quite casual and impolite. You should be more respectful you know.” You snort and sit down in a chair across from him. Laying your feet on the desk you tease, “Be respectful towards my superiors, sure. But you and are at the same level so it shouldn’t be an issue.” He tsks, “You American’s always so abrupt and insulting.” He was really starting to piss you off and you had a feeling you knew exactly why Newt didn’t like him. There was no more beating around the bush. “Alright in 10 minutes I am walking out of this office whether you help me or not. So I suggest you catch me up to speed,” there’s a warning in your voice. He sighs, “Very well then. I didn’t catch your name?” Holding your hand out for him to shake you answer, “It’s y/n. Y/n l/n.” He replies, “Theseus Scamander,” taking your hand in his own. His hands were surprisingly large and even though yours were not tiny, your hand looked extremely small shaking his.

Beginning your meeting he quickly catches you up to speed. “And how many aurors do you have with you now?” you ask him. “10,” he answers. You groan, “That’s a dangerously low number.” Theseus nods, “I agree. If that weren’t bad enough half of them are freshly trained aurors which means they’re prone to mistakes.” You nod knowingly. “We could have really used your help before,” his voice says softly. You respond, “And I would have loved to come sooner with my partner, but New York is still in a state of emergency. Graves is dying and I was left to run the department on my own. Even now in my absence it’s the President that has to fill in for me.” Theseus raises his eyebrows at you in surprise. “So why are you here now?” This was it, the purpose of the meeting. “I’m here to look for my partner, the auror I work with. She hasn’t reported back in three weeks,” you explain. He questions, “Why would they send the head of the department of aurors to search for one missing person?” You answer, “Because together Tina Goldstein and I have put away more criminals than all of the american aurors combined.” He chuckles, “There’s that yankee sense of pride and cockiness.” Ignoring his humour you state plainly, “It’s not cocky if it’s true. And it is.” “Well that is quite an accomplishment, congratulations,” he compliments you. “Thank you,” you tell him, looking into his eyes for the first time. The were stunningly blue, deep like the ocean and, you begrudgingly admitted to yourself, extremely beautiful.

“Have you seen Tina?” you ask him urgently. He responds, “Do you have a picture.” You nod, pulling a print of Tina from the newspaper when the two of your were reinstated as aurors. Studying the image you handed him, Theseus bites his lip and chews on it, which greatly catches your attention. Theseus exudes an immense amount of confidence, something that you’d never seen in Newt. Objectively, you could admit to yourself that the man was extremely sexy, which made his teasing and cockiness all the more unbearable. After a minute he hands the picture back to you and says, “I’m sorry I haven’t seen her.” He catches you staring and smirks. Pocketing the picture you clear your throat, “Have you got any leads on Credence than? That’s why Tina was here.” He motions for you to come around as he pulls something from the desk drawer. So you saunter around the desk and leaned over his shoulder. Unknowingly to you, the scent of your perfume washes over him, briefly clouding his thoughts. He sets the pile of photos and various papers on his desk. Pulling out a rough sketch of a family tree he tells you, “This is who everyone thinks Credence is. He’s here looking for his family.” You followed his finger to the drawing and read the name, “Corvis Lestrange.” “But I thought Corvis Lestrange was dead,” you comment. Theseus shakes his head, “So did I. But Credence is looking to find who he is, and Grindelwald is going to take advantage of it.” You nod. A clock chimes and you check your watch. It was now the early hours of the morning, 7 am. Removing yourself from your position leaning over Theseus you tell him, “I’ve got to get looking.” He rises as well, as if to follow you. You briefly panic, remembering that Newt was here looking for Tina as well. Turning you clutch his hands and say, “You need to stay here. You’re definitely needed here. See if you can speak with Leta Lestrange and find more out about her brother.” He looks down at your hands held together. You drop his hands, forgetting you still held them and immediately step back. He sits back down but says, “I’ll see if I can talk to Leta, she’s an old childhood friend but we drifted apart. She’s much more likely to talk to Newt.” You shrug, “At least try. I’ll come back if I’ve found something.” He nods. Shaking your hand again he looks you in the eyes and confesses, “It was very nice meeting you.” You let slip a smile and say, “It was nice to meet you too Theseus. I’ll see you soon.” He nods and you turn and depart.

You remembered Madam Piquery mentioning the Circus Arcanus and you head in that direction. The circus was long gone. “Oh god,” you place your face in your hands, groaning at yet another dead end. And then a bright idea pops in your head and you take a page out of Newt’s book. Marking out a circle you cast a spell, “Apare Vestigium!” Footsteps are revealed. “Bingo,” you mentally clap yourself on the back. Racing off, you follow the footsteps, praying that they’re Newt or Tina’s. Or Jacob’s for that matter.

The footsteps lead you down into the sewers of Paris which left you greatly confused. “Lumos,” you mutter, lighting up your wand. “Tina?” you hiss into the damp air. The footsteps you were following slowed. They stopped at a closed gate that was heavily barged shut. In front of the gate was a tall, dark man sprawled on the stone ground passed out. Laying in his hands you could see clear as day both Tina’s wand and Newt’s. Smiling, you heard Newt and Tina’s bickering quickly following, coming from behind the caged gate. “Bombarda!” you shout, effectively shattering the gate. Scooping up their wands you shoot a spell into the air so you could see, “Lumos Maxima!” The light shed on a peculiar image. Tina and Newt stand in front of elaborate writing on a wall, arguing about god knows what. Jacob stands to the side, contemplating what you could now see was another drawing of a family tree. Relief flooded your body when you saw Tina in front of you.

“Tina?” you step forward in disbelief. Her head whips around at the sound of your voice. “Y/n?” She takes one look at you and barrels into your arms, hugging you tightly. When she pulls back you return her wand to her. “You okay Teeny?” you study her, looking for injuries. “I’m okay,” she assures you. Nodding, you walk over to Newt and Jacob. “Newt this is yours I believe,” you say, handing over his wand. “It’s good to see you,” Newt beams, roping you into a hug. Then you turn to Jacob and ask, “Still haven’t found Queenie?” He shakes his head. Looking back, you see Tina bending over the passed out man on the ground. Stepping over to her you ask, “Who is this?” She answers, “Yousef Kama. He’s here to kill Credence.” “Why?” you ask. She replies, “He thinks Credence is Corvis. And he’s Leta’s half brother. So he thinks if he kills Credence he’ll be saved from the obscurial.” The ground above you shakes and you hear a loud roar. “That’s the Zouwu,” Newt declares, already moving up the steps. Jacob follows. “We need him for questioning,” Tina tells you. So you each take an arm and drag Kama up the steps.

Newt works with ease, calming the Zouwu with a strange baton like a cat toy. Tina watches, transfixed. You look at your friend and stifle a laugh. “What?” Tina asks you. You shake your head, “You’re so smitten.” She shoots back, “Am not! Besides I’m sure he’s still in love with Leta Lestrange.” Taking a moment, you tell her seriously, “Tina, no. He told me how much he misses you and how much he wanted to convey that to you. He was banned from travel Tina. He tried to get to you, to bring you your copy of the book five times.” She’s stunned into silence. When the Zouwu’s in his case, he shouts, “We have to get to the safe house come on!” So you follow Newt.

Tina reads an early manuscript of Newt’s book that he left her with while Newt treats the Zouwu in his case. Jacob sits there, his stomach rumbling audibly. When Newt emerges, you feel Tina’s exterior harden. “Have you got anything in your case that could help us question him Mr. Scamander?” Both you and Newt look surprised when she doesn’t use his first name. Shaking out of his surprise, Newt walks over to look at the man who laid on the sofa. “There was a water demon in that sewer,” he states. Prying open one of the man’s eyes, he says, “I need tweezers.” Jacob happily retrieves them. Newt pauses and tells Tina, “You might not want to watch this.” “I can handle it,” Tina replies, holding Kama’s eye open. Briefly, Newt smiles at Tina’s braveness. He then prys an absolutely disgusting water parasite from the man’s eye and hands it off to Jacob. Kama briefly awakens and croaks, “I must kill him.” “Who? Credence?” Tina asks urgently. But his eyes flicker shut and he passes out. Taking control of the situation you announce, “I’ve got to go back to the French Ministry and report to Theseus what I’ve found. I promised him I would.” This time it’s Newt and Tina who look up at you in surprise. “What?” Newt asks, a hint of agitation in his voice. You laugh, “I’m the head of the auror department for MACUSA now, I have to work with him.” Newt reluctantly nods. “See you soon, hopefully,” you tell them and depart.

Arriving back at the ministry, you move eagerly to Theseus’s office. You knock and re enter the room. “What happened?” Theseus asks you, throwing aside all pleasantries. “There’s a man,” you say breathlessly, “Yousef Kama. He had the scars from an unbreakable vow. He says he has to kill Credence. He thinks Credence is Corvis, just like you said.” Theseus stands and runs a hand over his face, yanking on his curls. He glances at you and notices a knick beneath your eye that you hadn’t noticed. Stepping awfully close to you he places his hand on the mark. “You’re injured,” he says softly. “What?” you reply distracted by his big blue eyes. His eyes were focused on the mark as he repeats, “You’re injured.” Reaching a hand up, you feel around for the mark. “Oh,” you squeak in surprise, “I didn’t even notice.” Theseus reaches for his wand, his eyes not leaving your own. Waving his wand he whispers, “Tergeo,” and heals the mark. He rests his hand on the spot again, the mark gone. “Thanks,” you mumble, reaching up, your hand brushing against his own. You stand like that for almost a whole minute before the head of the British Department of Magical Law Enforcement bursts through the door.

Theseus immediately steps back from you and turns towards what you can only assume is his boss. “Theseus, Grindelwald is planning a rally at the Lestrange tomb. Tonight.” Both of you look at him in shock. It’s then that the man focuses on you. “And you are?” he asks rather snootily. You plaster the fakest smile on your face and hold out your hand saying, “I am y/n l/n, head auror for MACUSA.” Your reputation clearly precedes you as his nasty demeanor subsides. “What a delight to meet America’s most talented auror. Torquil Travels, head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement,” he introduces himself. You blush at his compliment, your cheeks turning rosy. This Theseus notices and he smiles at you. Travers turns to Theseus and says, “Round up the aurors. Meet at the Lestrange tomb.” “Yes sir,” Theseus replies. Travers leaves. Picking up his wand Theseus also exits the office, motioning you to follow.

Striding alongside him he asks, “So was Tina with him?” “What?” you ask, panicking, thinking he was talking about Newt. He doesn’t seem to notice and adds, “This Kama guy. Was Tina with him?” You breathe a sigh of relief, “Oh yeah. He was holding her captive, because he knew she would try and stop him.” Stopping at a railing he turns to you and says, “So why isn’t Tina with you then?” You stood frozen, panicking. “Umm well,” you struggle to form a phrase. Theseus glances around and his eyes jump out at two figures scurrying through the desks on the floor below. It was Tina and Newt. But Newt used polyjuice potion to pose as Theseus. “Oh hell,” Theseus mutters, making eye contact with his brother. He turns to follow wherever Newt and Tina were going but you pull his arm back. “Theseus wait!” you plead. He whipped his head around and asks, “Did you know? Did you know Newt was in Paris?” “What?” you stand frozen to the ground, your hand still holding his, rooting him to the spot. He growls, “You heard me. Did you know?” You sigh, “Yes Theseus I knew, but I didn’t say anything because everyone else wants Credence dead and with Newt maybe-” he cuts you off, “You should have said something.” He breaks the hold you have on his hand and then he races away after Newt and Tina. “Fucking hell,” you curse, running after him.

Moments later the speakers blare, “Newt Scamander is on the premises.” The polyjuice potion wore off. Theseus’s long legs carried him quicker than you could keep up. “Theseus wait!” you shout after him. He ignores you and insteads yells at his brother, “Newt! Newt!” Tina was pulling Newt along towards the hall of records. It dawned on you then that they were probably going to check, to confirm that Corvis Lestrange was dead. It was a good idea, you had to admit. Theseus skids to a stop and blasts a spell at them. Tina blocks it. You skid to a halt 10 feet from Theseus. Newt sees you from the corner of his eye but says nothing. It’s Tina who teases, “He needs to learn how to control his temper,” as she blasts a spell at Theseus, conjuring a chair so that Theseus is tied up to it and rolled back into the wall. Newt mutters, “That might have been the best moment of my life.” It’s then that you jog into view. Newt looks at you, scared for a moment that you’ll try to stop him. But you weren’t like his brother, you didn’t follow the rules and laws blindly. “What are you waiting for go!” you shout at them. They turn and run towards the hall of records without a second glance.

You briefly leaned against a pillar and catch your breath. The sounds of shouting and pounding on the floor echo towards you and you remember what happened to Theseus. “This should be fun,” you tell yourself as you stride with purpose towards the noise. Opening the door to an unknown office, you see Theseus stomping his feet against the ground, trying to wriggle out of the ropes and reach for his wand at the same time. You suppress a giggle and walk up to him. “Are you okay?” you ask gently. He looks up at you and scowls. So you stand there and make no move to untie him. After a minute he asks, “For God's sake would you just untie me?” Sighing, you walk up to him and knelt so you’re at his eye level, placing your hands on his knees. “I’m gonna untie you Theseus. But I need you to hear something first okay?” He reluctantly nods. Swallowing the emotion, you recall the day you met Credence. You tell him, “The day I met Credence, I already could see he was broken. His mother whipped him daily, for possessing magical qualities. She wanted to snuff out his magic, what makes him special. She’s the reason he became an obscurus, because she forced him to suppress his magic. Tina and I watched as she whipped him nearly to death. We couldn’t take it. We had to save him. But when all was said and done, after we attacked her and she was obliviated, she was still his adoptive mother. So she kept whipping him. And it got worse. Then Gellert came along posing as Graves and told Credence he was special, the exact opposite of what his mother would say. Every single person out there wants to use Credence for their own selfish desires. Even now, aurors want him dead just so Grindelwald can’t use him. That’s not right. The only people who want to protect Credence, who are trying to save him, are Newt, Tina, and myself. We know Credence, we understand him. And we’re just trying to do the right thing.” When you finish your explanation, you let the tears fall on your cheeks as you untie Theseus.

When he’s free you expect him to race after Newt, but he doesn’t. Instead, he instinctively wraps you in a hug. Taken by surprise, you pause before returning the hug, wrapping your arms around his waist. He ran a hand affectionately through your hair. And for someone that you had just met so recently, being in his arms felt so natural and it felt like something you wanted to do all the time.

Suddenly you’re overcome with a fit of giggles. Theseus looks down at you and says, “What’s so funny?” You bite your lip, “I was just thinking about how much I’ve heard Newt complain about you. And how you’re nothing like I’d expected you’d be.” “Is that a good thing?” he asks anxiously, his arms still around you. You immediately answer, “Yes. He described you as a careerist hypocrite but I can see that you’re clearly not.” Theseus laughs, “Well I’m glad you don’t think that of me.” You stood there in a daze, yet again mesmerized by his shining blue eyes. He gently brushed a strand of hair in your face behind your ear. He stood gazing down at you, studying your face closely. There’s a banging noise and you instinctively jump apart yet again as Travers steps in shouting, “He’s at the Lestrange Tomb. The other aurors are waiting there go now!” Wordlessly Theseus grabs your hand and disapparates.

You arrive in front of the tomb and a fleet of aurors stands there, waiting Theseus’s orders. His hand leaves yours and you frown at the lack of warmth in your hand now. Theseus instructs his employees, “Use minimum force on the crowd! It isn’t illegal to listen to him! We mustn’t be what he says we are!” With nods of acknowledgement, his aurors enter the tomb and descend into the amphitheater. You and Theseus are the last ones to enter. The wall closes behind you. “Mercy Lewis this isn’t good,” you say under your breath. Theseus looks around and his face conveys extreme stress, as if the world was riding on his shoulders. For the first time in your life, your instincts don’t tell you what to do. “What do we do?” you turn to Theseus. He looks at you and fear flashes across his eyes. “I don’t know,” he confesses. You’re not sure what moved you to do this, but you firmly place your hand in his and say, “We’ll figure it out.”

Grindelwald dazzled and captivated his audience. His power was frightening. Pulling out an unknown artifact he shouts, “It is time to share with you the vision I’ve seen of our future. Our future if we do not establish our place in the world.” Blowing smoke into the air you gasp at the scene before you. It was a bloodbath. Planes flew overhead, dropping bombs and shooting at the innocent. A tank drives overhead and even though it’s just an image, Theseus instinctively steps in front of you, his hand not leaving yours, as he places his other hand up, trying to cover you. There’s murmurings of despair around you as the vision dissipates. “Not another war,” you hear someone sob.

The next phrase spoken out of Grindelwald’s mouth scares you shitless. “There are aurors here among us. Come forwards fellow wizards join us.” Theseus’s staff looks at him. His leadership shines through as he commands, “Do nothing.” Grindelwald continues saying, “They have killed fellow witches and wizards who have stood with me. It is true, they confined and tortured me in New York.” You flinch at the statement. Theseus looks down at you. “I was the one who cut out his tongue,” you whisper. Theseus briefly stares at you in awe. “I understand that you’re angry with them,” Grindelwald tells his followers. One of Theseus’s own that stands in front of you makes the dire mistake of stepping forward and a with pulls her wand on him. Instinctively, he kills her. “NO!” he screams. The platinum haired wizard sweeps over to where the girl now laid in front of you and Theseus, where she had fallen. Briefly mourning he announces, “Take this young warrior back to her family. Go forth from this place and spread the word. It is not we who are violent. It is not we who attack,” he says this last part gazing right into your eyes. You knew he recognized you.

Black flashes flew from the amphitheater, and the only people left were aurors, along with Tina and Jacob, Newt and Queenie, and finally Credence, spread across the amphitheater. Grindelwald’s eyes don’t leave your own for nearly 30 seconds. Whipping his head around, he returns to his platform. “Join me aurors. Come and show your greatness. Or die,” he states. Your hand anchored Theseus to his spot but you looked across the circle at Credence, hoping against hope he wouldn’t do what you thought he would. Some of Theseus’s aurors make a break for it, and they’re immediately engulfed by blue flames that now surround the circle. “No! No cheating children,” Grindelwald sneers. Theseus watches in horror as some of his colleagues perish. Credence steps forward.

Reluctantly, you break your hold of Theseus’s hand and make a dash towards Credence. Blue flames block your path. Across the amphitheater, Newt does the same. “Credence!” you shout desperately, your calls echoed by Newt. “Protego!” you shout, holding the spell and moving as close to Credence as you can get. “Credence no!” you begged, only 20 feet away from him. And you felt as if your heart was being ripped apart as you watched Credence cross through the flames.

Your horror only continues when you watch Queenie take a tentative step forward. You feel your best friend, Tina’s presence beside you. The both of you sprint forward without thinking. Jacob was begging her not to do this. “Queenie don’t!” you cried into the air. Queenie turned and saw both you and Tina sprinting towards her. “It’s the only way,” Queenie shouts, convincing herself. “Queenie don’t do it!” Jacob begs. She looks at Jacob, her expression unreadable, and turns swiftly, running into the flames. “No!” Tina shrieks with agony beside you. You run forward, desperate to pull your friend back through the flames towards you. Your hands are instantly burned by the magical flames. It’s Tina who yanks you back, rescuing you from running into the flames. She knew all too well that you had just lost a sister too. You clawed against her arms but she sobbed, “She’s gone y/n. She’s gone!”

Newt and Theseus have inched closer and stand 10 feet behind you. Grindelwald approached you from inside the circle. “I know this one,” he tuts at you, “I do believe you cut out my tongue in New York.” Regaining your harsh exterior, you wrangle yourself out of Tina’s arms, raising your wand. Tina can barely make out your voice saying, “When I cast a protection spell, disapparate with Jacob. I’m right behind you.” Grindelwald shoots a flame at you and you shout, “PROTEGO!” blocking the flame. Behind you, you hear a crack and Tina and Jacob are gone.

You battle against the flames, rejoining Newt and Theseus on a higher step. “Mr. Scamander, do you think Dumbledore will mourn for you?” Grindelwald concentrates on Newt. The flames grow more violent, there’s a rushing sound in your ears. And solemnly you thought about how you would die here.

Then a voice echoes through the chamber. “Grindelwald stop!” You turn to see Leta Lestrange descending the stairs. Newt says in disbelief, “Leta what are you doing?” Leta continues to Grindelwald, who offers her his hand. “Leta!” Theseus shouts, trying to retrieve her. Blinking, thinking that you saw things wrong, you watch Leta stop in her tracks and remove her hand from Grindelwald’s. She raises her wand and attacks. In the deflection of a spell, the artifact that showed Grindelwald’s vision earlier shatters, and the flames are out of control. “Leta!” Theseus shouts again. She calmly turns her head and says to Newt and Theseus, “I love you. Now go, go!” Theseus grabs you and pulls you into him, his large hands gripping your waist so tightly as though he’s scared you too might disappear. Newt stands in disbelief. “Newt! Newt!” you pull him back to his senses. He reaches for your hand as you reach out from under Theseus’s arm. The three of you disapparate.

Falling hard onto the grass, you’re frozen in fear as blue flames spit out of the tomb, racing towards you. Instinctively and without a second thought, Theseus throws himself on top of you and disapparates the two of you into a crevice between the stone walls, his arms wrapped tightly around you, shielding you from the heat. Glancing up at the voice you see an old wizard shout, “All together in a circle! Wands into the ground or all of Paris will be destroyed!” “Go to Newt,” you shout, disapparating yourself to wherever Tina is.

Appearing beside your best friend, you shriek, “Finite!” and plunge your wand into the ground, Tina doing the same. A shield sprouts up from the ground, containing the flames that threaten to destroy the city. The flames are contained and sealed shut in the tomb. You and Tina fall backwards from the force of the spell dissipating.

The grass crunches in the air and you see Newt approaching with Jacob. “Tina,” Newt breathes, leaving her name hanging off of his lips. Tina rises to her feet and you follow suit, wiping your hands on your pants but stopping immediately as you feel the burns all over your arms. “Newt,” her voice whimpers. There’s an unspoken peace between them, the weeks previous anger washing away. Newt holds out his arms and she falls into them helplessly. He hugs her tightly, standing still and attempting to protect her from all her sadness. You glance around, instinctively searching for Newt’s older brother. “Where’s Theseus?’ you asked softly. Newt shrugs, “I haven’t seen him since we left the tomb.” You feel like you’re drowning, your chest filling with a sense of dread. “Oh god,” you breathe. Your eyes search frantically for him, your feet carrying you past the tomb onto the other side of it. Then your heart stops.

Theseus laid in the grass on the other side of the tomb. “NO!” you shrieked, your blood curdling screams filling the air. Sprinting to where he lay, you crashed on to your knees beside him. “Theseus!” you choke out, leaning down to hear if his heart is beating. You feel yourself starting to get sick as the only sound that meets your ear is stunning silence. “Theseus please,” you beg, crying over him. Denial takes over and you pull him up into your lap, shaking his chest, desperately looking for any signs of life. “Please don’t leave me. Please,” you sob. And when no signs of life can be seen, you gently lay his body back in the grass, straightening his suit for him. Kneeling beside him you feel agony rip through your chest. “We didn’t even get a chance,” you whisper to no one. You cry silently beside him for several minutes.

And then the impossible happens. You feel a light brush against your fingers that cover your wet face. Looking up from behind your hands you see Theseus, still laying on the ground, but reaching for you. “Theseus?” you gasp in disbelief. He grunts, sitting up on his elbows. He croaks, “Must have passed out from casting that spell.” “Oh my god Theseus!” you laugh joyfully, immediately pulling into a sitting position and pulling him towards you by the collar. Without a second thought you crash your lips onto his, pouring all your fiery passion and relief at him being alive into the kiss. He flinches only for a second in surprise, before wrapping his arms around you and pulling you into his lap, kissing you deeper. You keep your hands held on his collar as the kiss quickly grows salty from your tears. And when you can no longer breath you pull back and look at Theseus, vowing to memorize the blue in his eyes. You reach a shaking hand forward and touch his cheek, afraid that he’ll be just a figment of your imagination. “I thought you were dead,” you choke. He studies you closely, moved by how much you felt for him. He wipes your tears away and consoles you, “I’m here, I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.” He reaches to hold your hand and you flinch in pain. “What’s wrong?” Theseus asks you urgently. Then his eyes travel to your hands. “Oh god y/n no,” he whispers, looking at the burnt skin that went all the way up to your forearm. You looked down, embarrassed by your already scarring skin. Theseus slowly stood up, lifting you up with him. He was surprisingly strong and your feet briefly left the ground as he pulled you up. “Let’s get you taken care of,” Theseus whispers into your hair, pressing a fleeting kiss to your forehead. He held you tightly and took you to St. Mungo’s.

Three hours later you sat, waiting to be discharged. The healer you saw had healed the dead tissue in your arm and removed the blisters, but told you there would be scars. Both of your arms were wrapped in white bandages from your fingers all the way to your forearms. And when you were finally free to go, Theseus is able to hold your hand again and he takes you back to MACUSA to report to President Piquery.

Knocking on her office door, you enter quietly. Madam Piquery looked tired beyond belief, her hair graying as she held her head in her hands. Looking up, she gave you a small smile. “Y/n, Theseus, please sit,” she tells you. So you do as she says, wondering how she knows Theseus. The first thing she asks is, “How are your burns healing?” You look to your bandages and replied softly, “They’ll scar, but I survived. I’m here.” She lightly laughs, “Yes in today’s world that’s a blessing to be here.” She pushes papers on her desk around absentmindedly. Finally, she says, “While I would like to be selfish and keep you here because you do great work, the crimes of Grindelwald cannot be ignored. You’ll be moved to the British Ministry, working with Theseus. Grindelwald is in Europe now, we need our best aurors fighting him. That’s you.” A slew of emotions runs through you. One of them was joy, because you would get to continue your work with Theseus. Another was sadness at leaving the city you grew up in. Immediately you ask, “Where will Tina go?” She smiles, “Ms. Goldstein will also be transferred to the British ministry.” The joy inside you grows. You brush some of your hair aside, trying to conclude what this means. Theseus states the question for you, “Will she still be a MACUSA employee or with she be a MoM employee?” She replies, “Y/n will become our international head auror. She will report to MACUSA but she will be stationed in London indefinitely. The wizarding world is changing and now more than ever we must work on our international relations. You’ll be at an equal level with Theseus. I strongly suspect that you’ll ruffle Travers’s feathers since he won’t be able to boss you around, in fact I’m counting on it.” Theseus laughs at this. It was common knowledge that President Piquery hated Torquil Travers. She continues, “By some miracle Mr. Graves has pulled through. He will be the domestic head auror here in America. Despite this, the only person you will report to, is me as we do not yet have a team for international relations.” You nod, “I won’t let you down.” She grins, a rare oddity, and says, “I know you won’t. You’re free to go.”

Before you do Theseus once again speaks up. He says, “Madame President I feel the need, even though y/n and I are at an equal level, nevertheless I feel the need to tell you we have a personal... relationship.” She looks first at Theseus, then to you. “Is this true?” she asks you. You answer, “Yes it’s true. At least it’s headed that way.” She sighs and says, “You’re lucky you two happen to be at an equal level. Since you are, it won’t be an issue for me, but watch out for Travers. The last thing I will leave you with is this, please remember that your loyalty lies in protecting wizards. And to MACUSA. Also tell Ms. Goldstein of my decision to station her in Britain as well.” You nod, “Thank you Madame President.” And as Theseus leads you out the door you hear her call, “I’m sorry about Queenie.” Too emotional to reply, Theseus continues to lead you out the door. Once he calms you down, he disapparates you back to London, into a house you don’t recognize.

“Where are we?” you ask Theseus. He takes your coat for you and wanders into a kitchen. He answers, “This is my place.” “Oh,” you stare around in awe. It was gorgeous. Theseus returns from the kitchen with two cups of tea in his hands and sits on the couch. You follow him. Finally you let out the bubble of laughter bursting from your chest, accidentally snorting tea out of your nose. “Oh god I’m so sorry,” you continue to laugh. He merely begins to laugh with you. “What’s so funny now giggles?” Theseus teases you. You respond in a fit of tears, “You when you told the President about our,” you pausing using air quotations, “Personal relationship.” He blushes profusely. “Well what would you call it?” he playfully shoves you in the shoulder. Your laughter dying down you say, “I’m not sure. What do you want us to be?” Theseus looks you in the eyes and brushes your hair out of your face. He presses a soft kiss to your cheek. Working up the courage and running a hand through his hair he blurts, “I want you to be my girlfriend.” Grinning goofily you accidentally shout your response, “Yes I would love to!” Theseus visibly relaxes, clearly worried about what your response would have been. You leapt forward into his lap again and kissed him all over his face. You spent the rest of the night content to sit with Theseus, snuggled up to him, staring into the fire.

When the clock strikes 11, you sit up, realizing how late it is. “Theseus I should go,” you move to stand up, but he grabs your hips and pulls you back into his lap. “Theseus,” you giggle as he secures you in his lap tightly. “I don’t know where you think you’re going, you don’t have an apartment here,” he chuckles. “So I’ll stay in a hotel,” you respond. He shoots back, “Absolutely not! You’re not staying in a hotel.” Your voice goes quiet, “Where do you suggest I stay.” His answer is immediate, “With me.” You turn around in his lap and stare into his blue eyes, nose to nose with him. “What?” you breathe, convincing yourself you heard him wrong. He repeats, “Stay with me. Please.” You sigh, “Just for tonight.” Without moving his hands from your hips, he gently carries you up the stairs of his home with your legs wrapped around his waist, sighing in contentment into his chest. He lays you with extreme gentleness on his bed and walks into the bathroom. He returns a minute later, in flannel pajama pants and no shirt. Blushing you try to avert your gaze, but it’s extremely hard. Theseus walks up to you and says, “What’s the blushing for cupcake?” Turning to look up at him standing over you, you try to pull yourself together and say, “Nothing.” He smirks, “Like what you see?” You shove him away from you playfully and shout, “Theseus!” Laughing at your reaction he sits down next to you and snakes his arms around your waist, resting his head on your shoulder. “I adore you,” he whispers in your ear, “But I’d very much like to go to sleep,” he adds. Turning to face him, he steals a kiss from your lips. “Theseus I don’t have anything to wear to sleep,” you tell him. “Oh,” he exclaims, hopping up and walking over to his dresser. He pulls out a big t-shirt and hands it to you. “Thanks,” you smile at him.

Boldly, you don’t go to the bathroom to change. Instead, you unbutton your pants and let them slide down your legs, stepping out of them, revealing your white lace underwear. Pulling off your blazer you throw it to the ground as well. Finally you peel your blouse off over your head and unhook your bra. Theseus watches, frozen in his spot. His blue eyes bore into you. Smiling at him, you slip his t-shirt on and walk back over to him, planting a sweet kiss on his cheek. Lifting the covers for you, he lets you slide into the bed and he lays down next to you, wrapping himself around the back of you and holding you close. “Goodnight Theseus,” you whisper into the night air. “Goodnight y/n,” he replies, planting a soft kiss onto your neck before falling asleep.

You’re pulled out of your sleep around 3 am to the sounds of screaming. Flipping over you gasp in horror as Theseus thrashes around in his sleep, the screams coming from his mouth. Immediately you sit up and shake Theseus by the shoulders. “Theseus! Theseus wake up! Wake up!” you urge him. Shaken from his nightmare, he bolts up, staring around frantically. “Where am I?” he shouts in fear, tears wetting his cheeks. Wordlessly, you wrap yourself around the back of Theseus and plant kisses on his shoulder blades. Brushing his curls aside you whisper to him, “I’m here Thes,” the nickname slips out unknowingly, but it felt natural. You continue, “I’m here Thes it’s okay. You’re okay.” He lets you hold him, planting kisses all over his sweaty shoulders and back. Finally, he turns around to you and places you in his lap, facing him. “I’m sorry I woke you,” he apologizes. You respond, “Shhh, shhh, you don’t have to apologize. He presses his forehead to yours and his breathing gradually slows down. Finally you ask the loaded question. “Thes what happened?” He gulps, composing himself before explaining. Finally he confesses, “I’m not sure if you knew this about me, but I fought in the war. I fought with the muggles, alongside them, since the minister at the time forbade wizards from interfering. I’ve shot, and I’ve killed. I’ve watched men that I grew close to die and I was helpless to heal them, forbidden to use magic. I’ve seen massive destruction and when Grindelwald showed that vision of another war, I nearly lost it.” You’re stunned into silence for a few moments. Finally you whisper, “How often do you have nightmares?” He avoids your gaze, giving you your answer. “Oh Thes, I’m so sorry,” you kiss him. He presses his nose against your own and nuzzles you affectionately. You’re not sure how long you sit there, breathing into each other. Finally Theseus asks the words you wanted to hear, “Will you please stay with me? Not just for tonight. I want you in my bed next to me, always. Just promise you’ll stay with me, please?” Looking into his sea of deep blue eyes you confess, “I’ll stay with you. I promise.” Satisfied with your answer and still sitting in his lap, he holds you tightly to him, whispering, “Thank you.” And you sit with Theseus, wrapped around him tightly, until he can go back to sleep.

#theseus x reader #theseus imagine #theseus scamander #fbcog #newt x tina #newt scamander x reader #newt x reader #newtina #fbawtft

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lia-nikiforov · 6 years

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Winter 2018 Anime Final Review

Why yes, pretty much all the Spring premieres are done (don’t even remind me haha I’m so far behind) and this is horribly late, I had a busy couple of weeks ;---; and am still struggling to catch up, but here’s my final rundown of this long slow winter! Worst to best, as always.

Dropped

Basilisk Ouka Ninpou Chou: Although I’d said I’d keep watching for the Nobunaga twist, given the onslaught of new stuff for Spring, it’s unsustainable to keep watching something so mediocre I don’t even find anything to say about it. Also Nobunaga hasn’t been mentioned in three episodes.

DUMPSTER FIRE

Darling in the Franxx: So we’re halfway through the show and still feels nothing of importance has happened, except we learned “lesbians are not viable, what a relief” and also KOKORO REALLY WANTS TO MAKE BABIES. The whole Kokoro business is very unsavory because on the one hand the writing is a dick to Walking Fat Joke Futoshi, but on the other hand Futoshi is an entitled Nice Guy who acts like Kokoro has some obligation to return his feelings, so basically everyone sucks lmao. Btw, does anyone know what happened with episode 13? I went to watch it but what I got instead was a Deadman Wonderland episode, complete with the story of Palurdo meeting Lab Experiment-turned-Beast Waifu as children and making a promise that would subsequently be forgotten until they meet again in their teenage years. Jesus, does Womenz are Beastz: The Anime have a single original idea?

How am I supposed to measure my own disinterest and contempt

This basically means I didn’t care for these shows. I don’t hate them but I was aggressively unengaged in them and I can’t really rank them from worst to best because that would imply me having any measurable emotional reaction to them

Violet Evergarden: I don’t think I have much to add about this one that I haven’t said before. Tryhard Sad Anime Girl stories rehashing old clichés with little novelty to them, with a bonus of a super poorly explained and thought out child super soldier tragic backstory that still has me ?????? The final episode has the addendum of trying to redeem That One Asshole in a “he treats her bad because he’s sad about his brother dying sob sob sob he’s totally not a jerk” and i was very annoyed by that.

Koi wa Ameagari no You ni: It’s complicated to talk about this show. I really liked the first episode, hated the 4-6, then was mostly bored by the rest of it. The whole romance angle was completely dropped in the latter half, but I’m not even sure if that’s a good thing given how tastelessly it was being handled in some moments, or a bad one given how bland everything else was. It felt like Akira’s crush on Kondo turned out to be insignificant in the grand scheme of things. It also felt like Akira was profoundly underdeveloped, and it bothered me because Kondo was developed properly. His character felt more fully realized than hers. Like idk, I just cared so little for the last few episodes and it didn’t feel like Akira’s emotional progression was very connected with the first half of the show.

Fate/Extra Last Encore: I don’t even have a screenshot. Apparently the reason the show started so late into the season is that it took a long time to produce, and apparently there are two more episodes that will be released at some point in July. But really, what matters is that I have no idea of what this show was trying to accomplish. The characters were a bunch of pieces of cardboard spouting pseudo nihilistic philosophical nonsense and I don’t even know how to describe the plot. It was generic in its Boss of the Week approach but the execution was often very flat. Definitely none of the fun from Apocrypha’s cool characters was to be had in this iteration of the franchise.

Too much iyashikei

This season we had too much iyashikei and I’m burned out. Here are the ones I didn’t hate but also wasn’t super in love with.

Miira no Kaikata: I think this show would’ve worked better as 3-minute vignettes. 20 minutes of it was a bit too much and I struggled to pay attention. I also felt the dragon and MukuMuku had very tangential roles. I don’t have a whole lot to say. It’s cute, if cute is your jam this show is for you. Connie is best smol monster.

Hakumei to Mikochi: Another cute show that gains extra points for its somewhat unique setting, beautiful color palette and picture book aesthetic and because the two main girls are great characters. I particularly liked the first and last episodes. It’s a relaxing, fun little show

Sanrio Danshi: The harbinger of feminism made into a toy commercial, while not quite iyashikei, is still a slice of life that just occassionally indulged in too much melodrama. It was nonetheless a fun little thing that managed to turn cynical consumerism into a positive message for boys: it’s okay to like non-traditionally-masculine things. One of the details I liked most was that none of the boys had to give up on their previous groups of friends even after “coming out”, Kouta’s friends and Shuu’s team were supportive of them and even participated in their dumbass musical play. Some may even read this show as a not-so-subtle allegory on homosexuality and while I don’t think this was Sanrio’s intent (their intent is to broaden their market, plain and simple) the fact that it works so well with that reading is honestly great. I had very minimal expectations for this show and I’m happy it turned out better than those.

Classicaloid 2: Classicaloid isn’t quite iyashikei either but it fits in the “didn’t love it, didn’t hate it” category. I’m a huge fan of season one, but unfortunately a big part of S2 failed to capture the magic. I think most of it was restored in the second cour, specially with brilliant episodes such as the one where Dovo-chan becomes a super-realistic painting of himself, and the last three episodes really captured what made Classicaloid great. I’ve really come to love this cast, so I wouldn’t complain if we got more seasons (please do Vivaldi!!!)

Shonen is a Good Genre, Actually

Shonen as a genre/demographic is much reviled for its repetitive clichés and childish stories, but I think we live at a time in which we can have well-executed shonen anime that, although falling for the same old clichés, have enough heart and sincerity that makes them enjoyable. This part also isn’t necessarily ranked, since my favorite one will change depending on which day you ask me

Nanatsu no Taizai: Imashime no Fukkatsu: As I have mentioned before, this second season seems to be the polar opposite of the first one’s rapid pace. It’s been a while since I read the manga, but I feel like it took a lot less to get to the mid-season cutoff point there than this anime would lead you to believe, especially the training part felt excruciatingly long. NanaTai has other various flaws including its 1000% not funny harrassment jokes and the dumb introduction of quantified “power levels” (why Suzuki), but characters like Diane, King and Ban give the show a unique flavor. And I’m not even gonna pretend to be unbiased, I just love everything involving Ban, even the weird and questionable choice of bringing Elaine back. I’m excited that we’re finally approaching Escanor’s arrival.

Yowapeda Glory Road: I also forgot to grab a screenshot lmao. Yowapeda is a very particular beast, and with its episode count already in the hundreds, it’s not something I’d reccommend unless you’re super into dragged out ridiculous sports anime. This second season of Onoda’s second year has not been without its flaws either, starting with the, imho absurd persistence in making Sohoku look like underdogs even though they’re reigning champions. It’s made a lot of the first two days of the Interhigh feel a lot grimmer than this cheerful show ought to. Kaburagi is still an insufferable character, and the fact that he drags the team down doesn’t help him either, and I just wish the writers would let Best Boy Teshima win anything. I hope the second day ends on a lighter note, because the gloom and doom is making this a less enjoyable watch than it should be

Mahoutsukai no Yome: I feel a little better about this one knowing the final was anime-original, but at the same time I’m beyond livid with how it was wrapped up. I loved the second half of the series because of how well-written and emotional Chise’s growth was, and everything up to her embracing of Cartaphilus’s curse was a beautiful display of her strength and will to live. What I’m not here for is that asspull wedding whatever that makes no sense in the context of the previous events, especially because after the fact, Elias’s attempt to kill Stella is swept under the rug. This could’ve been my favorite show of the season without that bullshit ending and while I don’t regret watching it, it leaves me with a sad feeling of what could have been

Best of the season

Hakata Tonkotsu Ramens: It had a slow start, but with its endearing cast and well-developed character relationships, HTR won me over, especially the last quarter. The animation was veeery barebones, but Lin and Bamba’s charisma and their organically developed relationship carried the show to be one of the most enjoyable of the season. I also really appreciate the fact that the series includes a gay couple with an adopted daughter and that Lin’s crossdressing is never used as a joke or treated as a character flaw or a “phase”. I love stories about found families and I’d love to see more of this gang fighting crime and doing shady business in their city of assassins.

Garo: Vanishing Line: This iteration of Garo had a somewhat slow start, but boy did it pick up steam in the second half. The action was great -the final fight against King had some incredible stylistic choices, the characters’ journeys felt complete and very human and the story was interesting and different enough from other Garo to not feel repetitive, yet with enough Garoisms that made it feel connected to everything else. Like I said, I love stories about found families, so the way Sophie found a home with Gina, Luke and Sword by the end was very touching. Watching Sophie’s journey has been a treat, and I’m immensely happy that this wasn’t a Guren no Tsuki disaster, but was more in line with the excellence of Honoo no Kokuin.

Gakuen Babysitters: This was the huge surprise of the season for me, I almost expected it to be pretty dull. Instead it turned out to be super cute and extremely heartwarming. It had a couple of duds here and there, mostly the not-actually-a-pedophile joke character and the early love triangle skits, but the former disappeared and the latter was vastly improved in the second half of the show. I wish Ryuichi’s grief had been dealt with a bit more, but I think what they did show was very well executed and empathetic. And the portrayal of the kids felt very realistic, including both children’s most adorable and most obnoxious behaviors. KIRIN IS BEST GIRL

Card Captor Sakura Clear Card arc: I have expressed some complaints and dissatisfactions with this sequel all through the season. Mostly in regards to the new cards and how the old ones seem to have been forgotten (also the lazy designs of the new cards). In spite of that, Sakura hasn’t lost any of its heart in these 20 years, the characters are still the kids we grew up with. It is an overwhelmingly cheerful and positive show, from Sakura and Syaoran’s shyly developing relationship, to the hopefulness of Sakura’s magic and just the simple day to day life of Sakura and her friends. In spite of all its flaws, Sakura is still my favorite show of the season and I’m happy we get to spend one more season with these characters. Just please give me more Yue???

Ooooof, finally I’m done with this! PLEASE LET’S NOT TALK ABOUT THE 20+ SHOWS I’M SAMPLING FOR SPRING AHAHAHAHA. There’s too much anime. Anime must be stopped, immediately. Don’t hesitate to send me your thoughts about the winter season, even if it seems I’m losing my mind a little Dx TOO MUCH ANIME

#winter anime #anime final impressions #darling in the franxx #violet evergarden #card captor sakura #gakuen babysitters #koi wa ameagari no you ni #fate extra last encore #garo vanishing line #hakata tonkotsu ramens #ancient magus bride #yowapeda glory line #nanatsu no taizai #classicaloid #sanrio danshi #hakumei to mikochi #miira no kaikata #100

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imaginecredence · 6 years

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“I’ll see you again.” (part 66)

Summary: A Credence Barebone imagine (Credence x Reader)

~ Although Credence is very far away from you he’s still having the time of his life. Going to Diagon Alley, Flourish & Blotts, and seeing so many new sights. Back home, you try to keep busy.

Note: This is the 66th part to this imagine so make sure you check out the first two! I hope you like and reblog it. There also will most likely be a grammar mistake so bare with me. Anyway… I hope you enjoy!

Date published: July 2, 2018

Warnings: Missing Credence and Credence missing you

Year: July, 1928

Word Count: 1,990

MASTERLIST

PLAYLIST

_______________________________________

Coming home from work wasn’t as much of a relief as it used to be. There wasn’t a hug waiting for you if you had a stressful day. There wasn’t a sweet boy on the couch reading, waiting for you to get home. There was never the smell of dinner in the air, or the excitement of seeing your husband after being away from him for the whole day. There was just a black cat that only reminded you of Credence.

You walked through the door, into the quiet house. The breeze came through the windows and blew the curtains around in a magical way. Cooper meowed as he strolled into the kitchen. It had been a week since Credence had left, and you hadn’t gotten a phone call, a letter, nothing. You were beginning to think that this was just how the whole month was going to be; you not knowing where Credence was or if he was even okay. You didn’t really know what they were doing, and Newt didn’t know much either. They were just “figuring it out as they went” as Credence had told you, trying to subside your worry. You were kind of scared to put that much trust in Newt, someone you barely knew. And you were shocked Credence was so confident about his decision to go. You flopped onto the couch after eating a bunch of random things for dinner.

Credence and Newt we’re finally off the boat and in England. Credence was in awe of this new country. He had never seen such beautiful buildings. Newt lead him through the city as they made their way to who knows where. Credence didn’t even think to ask, he was too caught up in the sights of London. Eventually he had followed Newt into a small shop, that Credence realized was a pub. Almost everyone sitting in the tall ceilinged room turned to stare at whoever had come in. Credence froze, making awkward eye contact with each person. They all looked kind of scary to him. They almost immediately turned back to what they were doing, and Credence realized Newt hadn’t stopped walking his fast pace speed. So Credence quickly caught up, still trying to take in the bar that he knew was only for wizards just by the look of everything. Newt went out a back door, into a small, walled courtyard, where there was nothing but a trash can. Newt began to tap his wand on the bricks in a specific way. Then they began to shake and form a hole, and a moment later there was an archway onto a cobbled street. “Welcome, Credence,” said Newt, “to Diagon Alley.”

Credence was amazed at how perfect everything was. The little shops that lined the road were all filled with magical things, things Credence couldn’t wait to see. It was so crowded too. He was so excited to be around so many magical people. He tried to look at everything as they made their way up the street.

“I think the best place to start, the best way for you to learn about this world, is to read,” Newt spoke loudly above the crowds. He had slowed down a bit, he seemed more comfortable around the wizards than around the regular people. “So, we’ll go to Flourish and Blotts, it’s a bookstore.” When they got to the shop, Credence was once again amazed. The shelves were stacked to the ceiling with books. Credence had never seen so many, not even in the bookstore where he worked. “Pick out anything you want,” said Newt. And they separated to look around. Credence couldn’t get enough. He loved books, but books about magic were even better. There were so many different kinds of books. Some so small Credence could barely feel it in his hand. Some were almost as tall as he was. Some were filled with writings and words he didn’t recognize. As he searched the shelves, already holding a few books, he came across a certain book. It was a small, red book that was called “Fantastic Beasts and Where To Find Them” and the author, Credence was shocked to find out. “Newt Scamander” was across the front in gold letters. Credence stared at it in awe. He quickly looked around the shop for Newt. He found him crouched down, looking through a stack of books. “Newt!” said Credence abruptly. “Yes, what’s wrong?” Newt stood up. Credence just held up the book with a questioning look on his face. “Oh. . . That,” said Newt, relieved Credence wasn’t in trouble. “That?” Credence questioned, “You wrote a book?” “Yes, last year,” Newt blushed. “Wow,” Credence began to flip through it. “And it’s about your creatures! This is so amazing.” He said, so impressed. Credence looked up to Newt so much, and this made him even more amazed with him.

After they each had a big stack of books, they headed to the front to buy them. Credence began to pull out his wallet. “Don’t worry about it,” Newt said, offering to pay. “No, I have some money I’ve been putting away,” Credence insisted. “It’s okay. Muggle money isn’t any good here.” said Newt, handing the cashier his money. Credence finally gave in, and they were back out in Diagon Alley with a large bunch of books. “Newt?” said Credence, “What does muggle mean?” They we’re walking down the cobblestone road. “It’s what non magical people are called,” he explained, “Y/N is a muggle.” “Oh. . . Cool.” Credence trailed off in thought. He always loved learning new things about the magical world. But at the mention of your name made him realize he hadn’t really thought about you that much since he had left. He felt horrible about that.

Back home, you were trying so hard to keep busy. You kept the house clean, read, and even painted a few pictures; but mostly stared at a blank canvas, trying to figure out something to paint.

Later that night Credence was curled up in the corner of his bed, reading one of his many new books. It was about the construction and history of wands. He was so consumed by the words, he couldn’t get enough. The small room Newt had prepared for him was so cozy. There was a bed, a side table, and a small chest. A candle lit the room with a warm light. Credence felt safe here. His mind began to wander from the book. He thought of you, and realized how much he really missed you. He got out of bed and searched the room for a piece of paper, and found one in the chest. He began to write a letter to you. He thought about how worried you must be. It had been over a week since he had left, and he hadn’t had any contact with you. He knew how much you worried about him, so as soon as he finished the letter, he found Newt and he asked to use an owl to send the letter. He gave the envelope to the owl, the same owl that had delivered Newt’s letter. Newt brought it out of his case, and as the owl flew away in to the night, Credence watched feeling hopeful, excited to get a letter back from you.

He went to sleep that night, missing you sleeping beside him. And you laid in your bed, wishing you could lay against Credence’s chest like you always did.

The next morning you got up and ready for work. As you made yourself breakfast, you heard a light tap against the window. To your surprise you saw a familiar owl. You smiled widely when you saw the letter in his beak. You opened the window and took the letter, then the owl flew away. Quickly, you tore through the envelope.

Dear Y/N, We have arrived safely in London. Y/N, it is the most beautiful country. Newt has taken me to Diagon Alley. It’s a magical part of London, entered through a secret passageway! I have loved every minute of this week, although the boat ride was a bit boring. But even then, Newt has told me so many interesting things about wizards and the life they live. We went to a bookstore in Diagon Alley, and as I searched for new books I came across a book by Newt! I was so confused and shocked. He told me that he had released it last year. It’s all about his creatures and how to take care of them. I can’t believe he wouldn’t have told me about his book sooner, but I suppose he didn’t want to sound boastful. As much fun as I’ve been having, I still miss you very much. I hope you are well and taking good care of yourself and the baby. Thank you for supporting me to go on this trip. It means so much to me. I can’t wait to hear how you are doing. I love you so very much. And I want to hear how your are feeling throughout the weeks that I am gone. I miss you very much. — Credence

You smiled, and held the letter against your chest. It was so great to hear he was okay, and what he was up to. You left on your way to work, happier then before.

The rest of the week you were much more productive. You wanted to be able to write to Credence and tell him how things were going, and not disappoint him. So you deep cleaned the house, and mostly spent your time out in the yard.

Credence, I was so happy to get your letter. It really lifted my spirits. I’m so glad to hear that you’re having a good time! Just knowing you’re safe and happy, lifts a weight off of my shoulders. I’ve been doing pretty well. I have spent a lot of time outside in the yard. I’ve been keeping up with our gardens and keeping everything looking pretty, like you do. It’s been really nice to have something to do. I’ve also been taking care of Cooper, so don’t worry about him. He’s doing well, although I think he misses you. He’s been whining a lot more then usual. I can’t wait to hear more about what you are up to and learning. I do want you to know how happy I am that you get this amazing opportunity; I feel like I didn’t make that as obvious as I wanted to. I was so caught up with you leaving and being gone for so long that I didn’t express how happy I am for you. Also, I can’t believe Newt wrote a book! That is so exciting. I know that you’ll probably be really busy, but please write to me again. I love hearing from you. I love you so so much and I miss you so so much. —Y/N

After you finished the letter, you realized you had no way of sending it. You had no idea where Credence was exactly, and even if you did, you figured it was somewhere where a normal person couldn’t get to. As you sat at the dining room table, thinking about this problem, you heard a tap on the window. You shot out of your seat and went over to the window. There was the owl with another letter in its beak. You felt so happy and grabbed your letter before opening the window. You also added to the note about your predicament, and asked how you were going to send your future letters. You told him how his letter came at the perfect time. You sent off the letter with the beautiful, brown owl with bright, yellow eyes. You watched it fly off, excited to hear back from Credence.

To be continued....

PART SIXTY-SEVEN

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shinyquagsire23 · 6 years

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Nintendo Switch Kernel Patching and Emulation - Achieving Maximum Modification Flexibility with Minimal Replacement

Ever since shofEL2 was released earlier this year it's been interesting to watch how different custom firmwares have tackled the prospect of modifying Nintendo's firmware for both homebrew and piracy applications, and as someone who hasn't really had much stake in that race I feel like it's interesting to watch how different solutions tackle different problems, but at the same time since I do have a stake in a few places (namely, Smash Bros modding, vulnerability hunting, personal projects) I ended up in a situation where I needed to sort of 'set up camp' with Nintendo's Horizon microkernel and have a comfortable working environment for modification.

Binary Patching is Weird, and Horizon makes it weirder.

Probably the biggest difficulty in Switch development I would say is iteration time, followed by a general difficulty in actually modifying anything; even just booting modified core services (ie filesystem management, service management, spl which talks to the EL0 TrustZone SPL [commonly misnomered as the security processer liaison...?], the boot service which shows boot logos and battery indications, ...) requires, at a minimum, reimplementing Nintendo's package1 implementation which boots TrustZone and patches for TrustZone to disable signatures on those services and kernel. Beyond the core services, modifying executables loaded from eMMC requires either patching Loader, patching FS, reimplementing Loader, or something else.

Unfortunately with binary patching there generally isn't a silver bullet for things, generally speaking the three methods of modifications are userland replacement, userland patching, and kernel patching. The first two are currently used for Atmosphere, but the solution I felt would be the most robust and extensible for the Nintendo Switch was kernel patching. Here's a quick rundown on the pros and cons for each method:

Userland Replacement

- Requires rewriting an entire functionally identical executable - Often not feasible for larger services such as FS - Can easily break between firmware updates, especially if new functionality is added or services split. This makes it difficult to maintain when the OS is in active development. - Added processes can potentially leave detectable differences in execution (different PIDs, different order of init, etc) + Easier to add functionality, since you control all code + Can operate easily on multiple firmwares + Can serve as an open-source reference for closed-source code

Userland Patching

- Adding additional code and functionality can be difficult, since expanding/adding code pages isn't always feasible without good control of Loader - Finding good, searchable signatures can often be difficult - Can easily break between firmware updates, especially if functionality or compilers are tweaked + With good signatures, can withstand firmware updates which add functionality + Often has less maintenance between updates when functionality does change; patching is usually easier than writing new code + Harder to detect unless the application checks itself or others check patched applications

Kernel Patching

- Greater chance of literally anything going wrong (concurrency, cache issues, ...), harder to debug than userland - Minimal (formerly no) tooling for emulating the kernel, vs userland where Mephisto, yuzu, etc can offer assistance - Can easily break between firmware updates, and is more difficult (but not impossible) to develop a one-size-fits-all-versions patch since kernel objects change often - Easier to have adverse performance impacts with syscall hooks + Harder to detect modifications from userland; userland cannot read kernel and checking if kernel has tampered with execution state can be trickier + Updating kernel object structures can take less time than updating several rewritten services, since changes are generally only added/removed fields + Direct access to kernel objects makes more direct alterations easier (permission modification, handle injection, handle object swapping). + Direct access to hardware registers allows for UART printf regardless of initialization state and without IPC + Hooking for specific IPC commands avoids issues with userland functionality changes, and in most cases IPC commands moving to different IDs only disables functionality vs creating an unbootable system.

mooooooo, a barebones Tegra X1 emulator for Horizon

Obviously the largest hangup with kernel patching is debugging, the Switch has RAM to spare (unlike 3DS) and setting up an intercept for userland exceptions isn't impossible to do by trial and error using SMC panics/UART and a lot of patience, but for ease of use and future research I really, really wanted an emulator to experiment with the Switch kernel. I ended up building a quick-n-dirty emulator in Unicorn, and with a few processes it works rather well but it still struggles with loading Nintendo's core processes currently, but for a small and contained test environment (two processes talking to each other and kernel patches watching them), I would say I had reached my goal and it was enough to at least be able to work quickly and sanely on my intercept.

For the most part, the Switch Horizon microkernel doesn't actually use much of the Tegra MMIO; it uses some of the more obvious ARM components like GIC for interrupts, and it also has a large initialization sequence for the memory controller, but as long as interrupts are functional, timers work, MC returns some correct values and SMC return values are all correct, it boots into userland without issue.

I actually found that emulating multiple cores in Unicorn actually isn't all that difficult, provided you're using a compiled language where uc_mem_map_ptr works. Rather than messing with threads, I opted for a round-robin scheduling scheme where I run each Unicorn instance for a set number of instructions, with memory being mapped and unmapped from the running core so that any cached data gets written out before the next core has its turn. A lot of modifications/cherry-picking to Unicorn did have to be made in order to properly support interrupts, certain coprocessor registers (ie core indexes), translation tables (for uc_mem_read/uc_mem_write, vaddr->paddr translation, and just in general there were some odd issues).

Patching Horizon for Syscall MiTM

With a decent environment for modifying kernel, the next issue really just became actually bootstrapping an SVC intercept. Figuring out where exception vectors are located isn't difficult with the emulator handy, but really the issue becomes

1. Extra code has to be loaded and copied by TrustZone, along with kernel 2. New code needs to be placed in a safe location and then given memory mappings 3. Existing code needs to be modified with hooks pointing to the new code

To guide the kernel towards salvation I ended up hooking just before translation table addresses are written into coprocessor registers. This way, the payload can allocate pages and copy code from less-safe soon-to-be-condemned .bss memory for the bulk of the SVC interception code, set up those pages in the translation tables, and then patch the ARM64 SVC handler to actually jump to the new mapping. For ease of development, the mapping is given a constant address along with any hardware registers which it needs to access, as opposed to being randomized like the rest of the kernel.

In the end, patched the kernel executes as follows:

Since hashtagblessed is able to map UART, CAR and PINMUX registers into translation tables, getting communication from the right Joy-Con rail using existing BPMP-based drivers was fairly straightforward, and even without any source code to reference there's a fairly basic driver in TrustZone. Between the transition from emulation to hardware however, I had kept an SMC to print information to the console, but I ultimately ended up using UART even in emulation. On hardware, I got by using UART-B (the right Joy-Con railed) for a while, but had to switch to UART-A (internal UART lines for debugging) due to GPIO issues once HOS tried to initialize Joy-Con.

Identifying IPC Packets, Accurate Results With Simple Tools

With therainsdowninafrica loaded, hooked in and blessed, the next step is actually being able to identify specific IPC requests sent through svcSendSyncRequest, and doing this requires getting our hands dirty with kernel objects. Userland is able to utilize different kernel objects indirectly through the use of handles and system calls. Each KProcess has a handle table which maps handles to the underlying object structures, so translating handles to KObjects is simply a matter of checking the table for a given handle passed to a syscall. To access the current KProcess object which has the handle table, we can use the per-core context stored in register X18 as of 5.0.0 (prior to Horizon implementing ASLR, it was stored in a hardcoded address per-CPU) and the handle table can be accessed through the current KProcess object. Printf debugging was extremely useful while figuring out exactly how KProcess has its fields laid out since the structure changed slightly between versions, and with a bit of reversing added in it's not particularly difficult to figure out exactly where the KProcessHandleTable is at how handles are translated into objects.

Probably the most useful fields in KProcess/KThread, in our case, are the process name and title ID, the handle table, and the active thread's local storage, where all IPC packets are read from and written to. To give a quick overview on how Switch IPC generally works, services are able to register a named port to wait for communications on which can be connected to by other processes via svcConnectToNamedPort. In practice, Nintendo only uses globally-accessible named ports for their service manager, `sm:`. On a successful call to svcConnectToNamedPort, processes recieve a KClientSession handle for sm: which allows those processes to send IPC requests to the service manager to either register/unregister/connect to 'private' named ports managed by the service manager, with sm checking whether the requesting process actually has access to said service.

From a practicality standpoint, since so much communication relies on IPC the most obvious mechanism to establish is a system for hooking requests going into specific named ports, both globally accessible ones such as sm: and private ones provided by sm itself. This kinda leads into why it's important to have access to the underlying KClientSession objects as opposed to trying to track handles; mapping out exactly which KProcess' handles go to what, while also tracking where handles might be copied and moved to is an almost impossible task, however mapping specific KClientSessions to specific handlers avoids the handle copying/moving issue since the KClientSession object pointer does not change in those cases.

Additionally, many interfaces aren't actually accessible from either svcConnectToNamedPort nor sm, as is the case with fsp-srv which gives out IFileSystem handles for different storage mediums. However, by providing a generic means for mapping KClientSession objects to specific intercept handlers, you can set up a chain of handlers registering handlers. For example, intercepting a specific eMMC partition's IFile's commands would involve setting up a handler for the sm global port, and then from that handler setting up a handler for any returned fsp-srv handles, and then from the fsp-srv handler checking for the OpenBisFileSystem command for a specific partition to hook the IFileSystem to a handler, which can have its OpenFile command hooked to hook any outgoing IFile handles to a specific handler for IFiles from that eMMC partition. From that point all incoming and outgoing data from that IFile's KClientSession can be modified and tweaked.

Finally, in order to prevent issues with KProcess handle tables being exhausted, Nintendo provided virtual handle system implemented in userland for services which manage large amounts of sessions. Effectively, a central KClientSession is able to give out multiple virtual handles (with virtual handles given out by virtual interfaces) only accessible through that KClientSession handle. As such, a process can take a service such as fsp-srv and with a single handle can manage hundreds of virtual interfaces and sub-interfaces, easing handle table pressure on both the client and server ends. These handles can be accommodated for by watching for KClientSession->virtual handle conversion, and then keeping mappings for KClientSession-virtual ID pairs. And again, since copied/moved KClientSessions keep their same pointer, in the event that somehow the central handle and a bunch of domain IDs were copied to another process, they would still function correctly.

Tying it All Together

Let's take a look at what it would take to boot homebrew via hbloader utilizing only SVC interception. The key interface of interest is fsp-ldr, which offers command 0 OpenCodeFileSystem taking a TID argument and an NCA path. From a userland replacement standpoint, booting homebrew involves redirecting the returned IFileSystem to be one from the SD card rather than one from fsp-ldr, since Loader (the process accessing fsp-ldr) doesn't really do any authentication on NSOs/NPDMs, only FS does. From a kernel standpoint, we just need to watch for an IPC packet sent to fsp-ldr for that command, hook the resulting handle, and then for each OpenFile request check if an SD card file can better override it. From there, swap handles and now Loader is reading from an IFile on the SD card rather than an NCA.

Taking a few steps back, there's obviously a few things to keep in mind: Loader never actually accesses the SD card, in fact it doesn't even ask for a fsp-srv handle. Since it is a builtin service it has permissions for everything, but the issue still remains of actually making sure handles can be gotten and swapped in. As it turns out, however, calling SVC handlers from SVCs is more than possible, so if Loader sends a request to sm asking for fsp-ldr, we can send out a request for fsp-srv, initialize it, and then send out the original request without Loader even knowing.

Interestingly, the first thing Loader does with its fsp-ldr handle is it converts it into a virtual domain handle, so that all OpenCodeFileSystem handles are virtual handles. This does make working with it a little more tricky since the code filesystem and code files all operate under the same KClientSession object, but it was an issue which needed resolving anyhow. For SD card IFile sessions, it also means that we have to convert them to virtual handles and then swap both the file KClientSession handle and the file virtual handle ID, while also watching for their virtual ID to close so that we can close our handles at the same time and avoid leakage.

A few other tricks are required to properly emulate the SD redirection experience: swapping in handles isn't the only concern, it's also important to ensure that if the SD card *doesn't* have a file then that error should be returned instead, and if the SD card has a file which doesn't exist in the original IFileSystem, we still need a file handle to replace. To accomodate for this, the original FileOpen request is altered to always open "/main" and if the SD card errors, that virtual handle is closed, and otherwise the SD handles are swapped in.

The end result is, of course, the homebrew launcher being accessible off boot from the album applet:

youtube

Other Potential Thoughts for Kernel Stuff

* Process patching is as easy as hooking svcUnmapProcessMemory and patching the memory before it's unmapped from Loader. Same goes for NROs but with different SVCs, all .text ultimately passes through kernel. * Reply spoofing. IPC requests can simply return without ever calling the SVC, by having kernel write in a reply it wants the process to see. * SVC additions. I'm not personally a fan of this because it starts to introduce ABIs specific to the custom firmware, but it's possible. One of the things I'm not personally a fan of with Luma3DS was that they added a bunch of system calls in order to access things which, quite frankly, were better left managed in kernel. The kernel patches for fs_mitm also violate this. Userland processes shouldn't be messing with handle information and translation tables, i m o. That's hacky. * Virtual services and handles. Since the intercept is able to spoof anything and everything a userland process knows, it can provide fake handles which can map to a service which lies entirely in kernel space. * IPC augmentation: Since any IPC request can be hooked, it can be possible to insert requests inbetween expected ones. One interesting application might be watching for outgoing HID requests and then, on the fly, translating these requests to the protocol of another controller which also operates using HID. * IPC forwarding: similar to augmentation, packets can be forwarded to a userland process to be better handled. Unfortunately, kernel presents a lot of concurrency issues which can get really weird, especially since calling SVC handlers can schedule more threads that will run through the same code. * As currently implemented, A32 SVCs are not hooked, however this is really more an issue if you want to hook outgoing requests from A32 games like MK8, since services such as Loader will generally only operate in a 64-bit mode.

Source

Horizon emulator, https://github.com/shinyquagsire23/moooooooo

therainsdowninafrica, https://github.com/shinyquagsire23/therainsdowninafrica

#NintendoSwitch #hacking #Horizon #UART-AMoreLikeUARTbAeAmirite

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feywildrp · 6 years

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Welcome to Feywild’s sixth event!

It’s An Fidchell! What some humans have been training a whole year—or their whole lives—for. It’s time for the high stakes game of the fey to happen on the summer solstice. Unlike the training, which happens at Goldhide Hall in the Seelie Court or Barebone Hall in the Unseelie Court, the annual An Fidchell event gathers every and all fey to the neutral and sacred area of Tara in An Sídalann to watch. It takes place in a round, open-air arena (see above, center) not unlike a gladiatorial setup.

Unfortunately, unaligned humans cannot attend, but don’t worry—they’ll have somewhere else to be shortly...

For timeline purposes, the event is timestamped for June 21st at sunset. There is tailgating prior, so you’re welcome to write threads before sunset. This is a two part event; it just got too lengthy, so this part is setting the scene and exposition of important information. Details of what happens next is coming in an hour or two! Our next event will be on July 27th.

THE STORY

The weather in Tara is a beautiful, temperate 53 degrees, clear and sunny, with a gentle but not disruptive breeze—not unlike the weather in Ireland right now. Everyone will have been filing in all afternoon, jockeying for the best seats, sharing elixirs and drinking and laughing, some even tailgating the event while others hold their spots. As the sun gets lower in the sky and the shadows get taller, the fey and their aligned humans will filter into the arena.

Everyone stands until the King of the Seelie and the Queen of the Unseelie enter, at the same time, from different side hallways and walk to meet one another in the royal box that overlooks the center of the board. On this special occasion, even the royal Staves make an appearance, one in the hand of each Court. Only once the rulers are seated do the rest sit. Then Lark steps out of the center hallway and to the center of the board, her feet light across the checkers of gold and bone white, and she sings Glory and Gore to the delight of the cheering, onlooking crowd. She rallies their excitement and their allegiance before retiring to her chosen, choice seat.

As the reigning champions from the year prior, the Seelie enter first. Forest begins the line as the Overseer; he says, “Nature’s first green is gold,” the Seelie motto—pausing for a roaring cheer and the stomping of feet—before continuing, “May I present to you the Seelie Elite 5 of 2018: Rachel, Michael, Davey, Guilia, and Scott!” And the Players enter in behind him, dressed in their sleek gold uniforms so that the blood falls clean off and leaves them unblemished. As each name is called, the Player removes their veil—for the Seelie, a gold lace embellished with swarovski sun rays—to show their faces. Should they die, the veil will become their shroud.

After the Seelie Players receive a standing ovation, Ivy, as the Unseelie Overseer, enters from the opposing hallway—where the Queen had entered from—and she says, “Blood is bright but bone endures!” causing mayhem to erupt on the side of the arena housing the most Unseelie, hooting and hollering, until the Queen makes a regal gesture with her open palm held up to ask for quiet. Ivy continues, “May I present to you the Unseelie Elite 5 of 2018: Celine, Alexander, Elise, Roberto, and John!” And the Players enter in behind her, dressed in their supple white leather uniforms so that by the end, each uniform will be drenched in and proudly display the blood of their opponents. As each name is called, the Player removes their veil—for the Unseelie, a black lace embellished with swarovski icicles—to show their faces.

It is then that the Overseers go to their sides of the board and the Players take their starting positions on it, with two in the back and three in the front, with the most adaptable—or expectedly so—as those front three. In fidchell lingo, the front three positions are called branches, while the back two are called roots. Then, all eyes turn to the royal box, awaiting their announcements and commencements. Each royal is in their finery today, accompanied in their box by their Archfey: Garnet, Oleander, Cobalt, Camellia, Malachite, and Rowan. Each face is composed into intensity or into excitement, or both.

King Adare speaks first: “Welcome to the 413th annual An Fidchell game!” and the crowd goes wild once more. They had played fidchell before that fateful summer, but 1605 was the midsummer that the fey set the same date and protocols every year and made it into the formal game it is known as today. “I would like to take this time to proclaim that the Seelie Court has known its first birth in nearly sixty years! Hail the future heir, my son, Prince Ossian!” And he gestures to where Freesia sits—not in the royal box because she had declined the invitation, but nearby—and some applause goes through the Seelie, though it is elation mixed with tension.

He goes on to say, “In the event that the Seelie should lose this year, I have wagered to name the mother of my baseborn children, Marigold and Jasmine, and I will keep this vow.” After this, Adare again takes his seat, and the Queen stands, continuing, “In the event that the Unseelie should lose this year, I have wagered to name the father of my heir, Princess Camellia, and I will keep this vow.” There is a small pause, almost a hesitation but not long enough to be one, before she continues, “And with this statement of wagers, let the battle of Gold versus Bone begin!” Queen Lacha commanded before retaking her seat.

As the underdogs, the Unseelie get to make the first move, and so Ivy starts, telling Celine to move diagonal right...

THE LAST MATCH

Trigger warning for violence, gore, blood, and character death. Written by Ellie @daveyventura with consent from Amoux @elise-senfuit

This was a nightmare Davey’d had before, but he’d gotten the details wrong.

The blood staining his hands was warmer than he’d expected; bones cracked and crumbled under his steel bat with sickening ease; death came so much more quickly than he’d anticipated, the light leaving each fallen Player’s eyes in an instant.

With each death on his hands he felt neither relief nor guilt; he just felt farther away, until he was aware of only his hands and his bat and the ache in his chest that begged for this day to be over.

Two of them left, and this also was just like his nightmares. Some nights it was Danica he stood opposite. Sometimes Kaitlin. Today, Elise.

But this time he wasn’t dreaming his friend standing opposite him, looking every bit as weary as he felt—and every bit as heartbroken, and every bit as determined. There were no friends on the fidchell board, there were no people, there were only killers and victims.

Weren’t they all victims, really?

Davey’s eyes held Elise’s, a moment of shared understanding. They’d still been teenagers when they met, living on their own for the first time, going out with friends and goofing off and talking about their dreams late into the night. How could either of them have known, then, that this was how their friendship was to end?

Davey didn’t want to fight Elise, and he had to believe that she didn’t want to fight him either. But here they stood.

The moment passed, and in an instant everything shifted.

This was it. This was the moment he’d been waiting for. Bottom of the ninth. Bases loaded. And fiery as Elise was, as far as she’d gotten herself in this game, Davey had to believe he could take her. This game was his to lose—and he’d always performed well under pressure.

He let her make the first move just as he’d anticipated she would, Elise lunging at him with her knife and Davey grabbing at her wrist with his free hand, stopping the blow and sweeping his bat at her legs, knocking her to the ground. But she was as quick as he was, rolling out of the way of his next blow and using her own leg to mimic his first move and knock him to the ground as well. Before he could get to his feet she was on top of him, her knife plunging toward his neck.

It was all he could do to lift his right arm to block her. He hissed in pain as the blade sliced deep through skin and muscle, his fingers reflexively dropping his bat. First blood. This was the point in training where the fight would stop, with Davey declared the loser. But this wasn’t training.

Adrenaline kicked in and Davey’s left hand shot out to wrap around Elise’s wrist. She was surprisingly strong, Davey had to give her that—but he was stronger. He twisted until she let out a cry and dropped the knife, then he forced her off of him. Davey turned over, blood spilling hot and heavy from the cut on his arm. They both scrambled for the knife that had skittered a few feet away from them, a mess of arms and legs and shoving and scratching until finally his fingers connected with the knife’s hilt and he twisted to strike at her without thinking.

The blade plunged into her side too easily and he scrambled backwards, reaching toward his bat until he realized she hadn’t moved. No —she’d crumpled to the ground, a hand clutching at her side as blood gushed from the wound he’d just inflicted.

No.

It wasn’t supposed to happen this fast.

All at once the guilt he’s been waiting for all day swelled up inside him and brought him to his knees beside her. “Elise.” Her name left his lips a broken whisper, the varied cheers and murmurs and cries of despair from the audience lost to him as he pulled his friend into his arms.

This wasn’t what he wanted.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, frantic eyes searching hers. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I—”

“Davey,” a frail hand reached for his and he squeezed as tightly as he dared, afraid of making this moment any more painful for her than it had to be. “Stop freaking out.” A strangled noise that was more a sob than a laugh bubbled out of his throat and he managed a small nod, his free hand smoothing her hair gently. “I’m not mad,” she whispered, sounding farther away now and he had to blink back the tears pooling in his eyes so he could give her a watery smile. It didn’t matter that she forgave him, though there were no words to express how touched he was that this was how she was spending her last few breaths. “Just… promise you won’t forget me.”

This time Davey couldn’t stop the tears spilling down his cheeks. “I promise, Elise. Never.” Even as she spoke the words he was struck by the weight of his lie, by the weight of the wish he’d just killed her to make. But she’d been his friend before all of this; she wouldn’t be forgotten, even if this moment would be. “I promise,” he whispered again, mustering up another smile because if his was the last face she saw, he wanted to be smiling for her. “You did so good, ‘Lise, ya damn firecracker.”

She smiled back, opened her mouth to speak—and then she was gone, her body limp in his arms as a final breath escaped her. Davey didn’t hold back his sob this time. He pulled her close and pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead. “I’m so sorry,” he whispered one more time.

And then he looked up, aware of the crowd for the first time since the fighting began. It was over. He’d won. And Bette was still gone, forever asleep in the ground beneath his feet, with nine new bodies to join hers.

His eyes found Forest’s first, a new understanding of what his Overseer carried with him. “Thank you,” he mouthed to his coach, before he scanned the crowd for Kaitlin, right up front and sporting his Yankees cap. It was hard to meet her eyes now, with the weight of what he’d done and the weight of what he was about to wish freshly on his shoulders, but he forced himself to give her a small, sad smile. “Come find me,” he mouthed to her. Only then did he lay Elise gently on the ground and pull himself to his feet to face the King.

THE CURADMÍR

Often disputed violently, just as in An Fidchell, the Curadmír or Champion's Portion was an ancient custom referred to in early Irish literature, whereby the warrior acknowledged as the bravest present at a feast was given precedence and awarded the choicest cut of meat. And so Davey walks off of the fidchell board and toward his King, knowing it is his right to ask for a wish, knowing the deep cost, and knowing that it would be granted.

Knowing it isn’t the one he’d started with.

With pain in his eyes and an exhaustion that went into the dark crevasse of his soul, a newly cleaved section only just discovered drenched in blood, Davey waits for the King to arrive. After Davey’s win, a few things happen: Queen Lacha’s face changes, only for a moment, before becoming recomposed. King Adare leaves the royal box, but Rowan does too—heading to take Gale to the Unseelie hallway on the command of the Queen. King Adare is radiant and nearly glowing as he descends to Davey on the fidchell board.

He raises Davey’s hand into the air in a winning stance he has seen humans performing, declaring, “Behold! The 2018 An Fidchell Champion!” as the entire arena gives him a standing ovation. Even those Unseelie who hated to lose, they understand the ferocity of the battle and offer him a modicum of respect. “Davey Ventura, what is your wish?” the King asks, his Stave out for all to see, ready to perform a rare magic that even he could not do alone.

“I wish to be free, and to forget everything about the fey and Fidchell. And if ya could get me back on the Yankees too, that'd be real awesome,” he replied, dead eyes earnest. Some laughter moves through the arena.

The King laughs, too, and replies, “Only one wish, but I imagine you can get back onto the Yankees yourself,” gesturing to the bat that was Davey’s trademark weapon in this event. Adare closes his eyes and seeks the seams of Tara, touching them with the Stave, and willing that Danu would grant him this as he and others had been granted the ability to do before: the art of the wish.

And so, just as the bodies are beginning to be covered with their jeweled shrouds and moved underground, through the hollow tree and down the stone stairway and across a river to Hybrasil and its fields of poppies—just as this is happening, so is Davey’s mind being wiped, all traces and memories of the fey and their lore and their world—anything that could remind him or lead him back—is utterly removed. For the expanse of the year he’s lost, false, foggy memories are placed, memories of grieving over the loss of his sister. The King opens a portal and pushes Davey into Manhattan, free of them.

And that’s when all hell breaks loose in the arena.

#event #event 006 #feywildrp #an fidchell 18 #long post #long post is long

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tumblunni · 6 years

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HEY I LOVE POKEMON TRAINER BLACK

this boy is literally me what the fuck

Has anyone headcanoned him as autistic? Cos seriously SO many relateable moments! Or another neurodivergence/mental illness or just social awkwardness in general. He's every relateable everything!!!

But seriously tho there are so many ADORABLE moments of him being awkward and super enthusiastic and AAAAAA! like he's literally introduced appearing out of the shadows stuttering so quietly that the postman thinks he's a stalker and judo chops him into a pond. And then his idea of a logical way to prove his identity is to take the postman to his house, ask the neighbour if its his house, and then WALK BACK TO THE POND WHERE THEY WERE ORIGINALLY TALKING INSTEAD OF GOING INSIDE. Like even 'here's the package back, lets start over from scratch'. And then in contrast to how shy he was earlier he's all BOMBASTIC when he meets the other two heroes, he appears out of nowhere on a Braviary screaming about justice and dreams and then vanishes again just as quickly after he's saved everybody. So he's so relateable to me cos he's both shy and loud! Im like that, im so MAXIMUM 110% POWER when im with people im comfortablw with but thats only like 2% of people. And the autism relateableness really comes from the part where he cant control his loudness when he's talking about his hyperfocus? Like literally its treated like a SUPERPOWER in-universe, and the justification for the games being called black and white. "Black can't focus without his Munna eating his dreams, because he gets carrried away thinking about becoming the Champion and cant see what's right in front of him. He needs to turn all those blinding white thoughts back to black!" So seriously he's literally written having a problem that gets in the way of his daily life and using a support pokemon for it, and its literally a problem about hyperfocus and ALSO on top of that he has difficulty talking to people. I'm not just being nuts seeing autism relateability, right?

Also this manga made me appreciate Tepig more! They gave a lot of personality to the starters, showing them fighting each other while waiting to meet their new trainer. Tepig is exactly what you'd expect so far, a reckless shonen hero type who's a glutton for food and gets into trouble because of it. And then Snivy is the snooty beauty queen/king who gets all cold fury at Tepig whenever its stupid antics end up splashing dust or berry juice ln its beautiful tail. So they fight, and then oshawott is the shy pacifistic one who tries to break it up. BUT also it has kind of a demonic temper when you push its patience past the limit! Ten minutes of "but guys you should calm down hey maybe lets just talk about this over a nice cup of tea"and then "SHUDDUP AND DRINK YOUR GOD DAMN TEA" *instant kill samurai technique*

I LOVE THEM

And its so cute how Black befriends Tepig?? It got into trouble cos its shonen heroness made it depressed about losing the fight, its always all "i have to be the best" even when its not relevant or when its causing trouble fpr its own life in the process. So Black can instabtly understand and relate to how it feels! And then Tepig ends up wandering into an angry Sewaddle's food source and stabding on a precarious branch, comfort-eating the last leaf it was saving for winter. Again, hyperfocus letting you get so carried away you mess up! Relateable! So Black swoops in to save it and now he's yelling in full hyperfocus mode ABOUT HOW TEPIG IS THE BEST AND THEY ARE KINDRED SOULS AND I WILL HELP YOU ACHIEVE YOUR DREAMS MY FRIEND!! and tepig cries because its personal dreams to be the best are sort of a self hatred thing where it starts these fights just cos its scared of being laughed at for being weak. And this is the first trainer who thought it was the best??? *sniff* And i like to think that even the artwork was kinda playing into it, cos it says that Black needs to have munna take away all of his dreams in order to focus, but the visual representation shows a mix of black and white tiles with the single solution tile in the middle of all the white ones. So its like in this situation his special interest actually helped him, once he was able to unfocus a little and realize the similarities with Tepig. If he'd conpletely stopped thinking about it he probably couldbt have solved the problem! So maybe his character development would involve learning to manage his focus more effectively instead of trying to magically remove all of it at once? I guess maybe that could be a metaphor for using heavy potentially-dangerous medicine on neurodiverse kids to get them to act "well behaved" but depressed, versus actually getting them the therapy, correct medication if necessary, and coping strategies to manage their condition and retain a full quality of life.

OR, AGAIN, MAYBE IM READING TOO MUCH PERSONAL EXPERIENCE INTO THIS

Oh also and i like that prof juniper is written as a bit of a longsuffering only-sane-person in this world of goofballs, who's not afraid to get sassy and sometimes strict when needs be. She kinda felt like she didnt have much personality in the games beyond being generically nice in all ways and having possibly the least dialogue of any professor. Same issue as elm but at least elm had one npc state he was messy and disorganized even if it wasnt a trait they really showed that much of. Anyway i'm glad to see a juniper that stands up for herself instead of just being all 'oh you kids tee hee' to everything 24/7. Its really like the barebones necessary for a professor character, they dont even actually bother to write a good kind character! Kindness doesnt have to be boring!! (Tho i also like this different sass version too!)

Anyway im lovin this so far so im gonna keep going! Favourite scene: "Knowing Black i bet he's either screaming off a clifftop about his dreams or curled up in the library hogging every book about Tepigs." *cut to him curled up in the library, also screaming*

#A Good Boy #A Good Me #thats it guys i dont even need to do a lets play bunni's pokemon advebture is literally already canon #good boy soft boy actual horcrux of my soul boy #oh man i wish i had an emotional support munna #i dont like how they draw it looking like an alien suckinh out his brain tho #then again a creepy but kind friend makes it even cuter!

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elizabethrobertajones · 7 years

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Angels are watching over you [eye emoji]

I just saw a note on that post I did with the reindeer from 3x08 where I was laughing about Sam having a lil staring competition with it, and made a joke about it and got a random bit of hate out of the blue for my troubles... Suddenly remembered one of the only other times I've actually SEEN any of this mysterious fandom hate that I rarely actually encounter, was when I was commenting somewhere or other that Destiel starts in 1x12 (I mean I was being simplistic, *obviously* it has roots further back in 1x07 or 1x11 when we talk about narrative or symbolic character stuff)...

Anyway, concluding that apparently the most intolerable thing is getting your grubby little hands all over the early seasons by ever daring to even mention that in the future Dean is going to have one HECK of a thing for the angel, in the way that you can analyse any other part of the show for upcoming stuff such as knowing they'd been yearning to bring Mary back since at least like season 10 or something so all the little Mary-related things you find peppered through Carver era really are the build up to her return or whatever.

I'd like to just take a moment to bask in the fact that since 2x13 (also, you know... pre-Cas, in that holy untouched ground before Kripke decided to ruin the show by smearing angels all over it), Dean confirms that the last thing Mary ever said to him was "angels are watching over you", and we see the Winchester family pre-goodnights in 1x01 in the very opening scene of the show, and so in the background of the very opening of the show, we have this important Destiel-related moment occurring; once retconned in in season 2, from then on that scene has the little gap where Mary says goodnight to Dean and makes the entire fucking show from the first 30 seconds about Destiel.

And of course Mary returning in season 12 immediately brings us to the subtext that this is a part of their lives. I remember a previous rewatch, before season 12, I was getting weepy about 2x20 and Dean using the "angels are watching over you" line as a way to prove to himself that the Mary of his dream was real. And wondering how when he got the real Mary back, he would use that to convince himself. Instead, he was the one who ended up convincing her, and then when we see it from her eyes, after telling her the barebones facts of her life as proof he knows her and a lot of her secrets like the deal in ways that she would never have told anyone so literally just, like, Azazel or Dean from 2016 could have told her this... :P

He takes her back to his secret Batcave and if we take her life continuously it's been a couple of hours since she told this to her toddler Dean, but here is his actual angel who watches over him, rushing in for a hug... Again, just the way it looks to Mary... vindicating this thing she said, in an unexpected way, and despite how corrupted that line was in 5x13, turned into one of the few good and pure things to discover in the future. I even think that Cas was rushed back to the Bunker so quickly by the writing so that, because of the weight of 2x20 and answering it as fast as possible, using Cas to show Mary that she had been right about saying it...

And for season 12's arc for Cas, that was actually a significant part of his own personal arc, feeling like the guardian angel. We talked after 12x01 about Mary casually using Cas as a tool with that "hurt him" comment because she had read how Dean surface level seemed to use Cas and misunderstood the dynamic (and again in 12x03, assuming he belonged and this was what he wanted/how he was happy living with them), because for her seeing him as a guardian angel was such a natural assumption given what she had said and how Cas of all things seems to be the most remarkable but also the easiest for her to absorb into her world view, because after all, she already believed it to an extent...

And by 12x19 Cas's feeling about being a guardian angel is being laid right out in the open with it now being shown as a dangerous mindset in the same vein as the codependency - Cas's attachment to protecting the Winchesters without involving them or consulting with them, drawing out the attitude behind season 6 ("I still considered myself the Winchesters' guardian") ... and having just watched 11x17 which was a magnificent deconstruction of the issues behind the codependency, a template for what Berens and Dabb felt needed to be discussed about this all, in 12x19 Berens and Glynn deconstruct Cas for us and show us the underlying danger to himself of the patterns he's fallen into (by, of course, making him fall into them and then fall prey to a cosmic force seeking a guardian angel of its own, and with a universe so full of dick angels, the one who has fallen closest to humanity and been twisted into something kind and loving and devoted to being a guardian like no others do... There is no replacement for Cas, the ultimate guardian angel. Like other seasons such as 5 which used Michael and Lucifer as the sibling parallel to Sam and Dean to show some of the issues in their lives, Jack exposes Cas's core problem... that in the narrative, Mary once said, "angels are watching over you" and through enormous trials and with great irony, Cas has ended up being that angel and to her eyes, passing with flying colours in that job within hours of meeting him...

(And Mary is so important to the narrative and the way she unconsciously bent the entire Destiel narrative in this direction from the moment we found out what she said to Dean back in 2x13, Cas could not escape it... Fell into it in season 6 and Edund used this mindset maginficently to justify Cas's actions...)

And... Anyway, when we analyse a show, all parts of it are on the table as puzzle pieces to move around as we see fit, and many pieces from past seasons fit with future seasons, and many episodes or characters fit easily to others, like one of those super simple kiddie puzzles where all the bits are the same basic shapes, and the artist has made a design that loops up almost any way you connect it to create a different, four dimensional picture that honestly is impossible to visualise and leaves me thinking of my attempts to meta as always being the person with the wall covered in bits of paper and photos with all the red string linking up... Anyway, for me, Destiel has all the red strings converge down in season 1 and 2, filling up the background of everything that's going to happen with the pieces that are going to fit into the middle of so many character arcs and storylines in ways we never could have foretold but have now been built from the ground up from these ancient tropes and ideas on the show...

So yeah people who think of the first 3 seasons as some precious, untouched place Before Cas and Before Awful Destiel Shippers are actually Dead Wrong because as it has all unfolded, not just the shippers but the show itself has gone back time and time again and smeared its grubby, Cas-covered hands ALL over the show right back to the opening minute.

(The reindeer joke remains, however, a one-note blow air out of my nose moment and I am still baffled about why that of all things brought down brimstone and fury from someone with nothing better to do :P)

#obviously i have nothing better to do either #but at least i'm having smirky snarky eyerolling fun instead of hammering holes in my keyboard #weeping globs of snot into it that the show ever dared talk Misha into trying that part again but as an angel this time :P #their keyboards must be disgusting #okay that's enough tag padding #wank for ts #1x01 #angels are watching over you #despite the rest of the content this post is primarily about the first minute of season 1 #just recontextualised and here's the context #season 12 #destiel #Mary F Winchester

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carryonmyobscurialson-blog · 7 years

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Mr. Graves Maid Obscurial

Note: Remember that Ms. Kobayashi’s Maid Dragon inspired Gradence fic I said I’d write? Well while I was drunk as shit the other night, I totally did.

Pairing: Original Percival Graves/Credence Barebone (obviously)

Summary: Tina is not allowed to have men over at her apartment. Credence needs a place to live. What's a girl to do? Other than use magic to pass him off as Christine, a young girl working as her maid because she's desperate for employment.But...was the super short maid's dress really that necessary?Queenie thinks so.Tina's boss at MACUSA, Mr. Graves, might be of a different opinion, however.

Under the cut!

"I understand altering his features but is the dress really necessary?"

Tina and Queenie inspected Credence -- or rather Christine --- as he trembled before them in much too short French maids dress. The ends of the frilly black and white skirt barely touched the top of his knees --- knees that weren't quite his own.

Credence was in need of a place to stay, and Tina's apartment complex did not allow for men to inhabit it. So, the Goldstein sisters had gone about the only plausible course of action -- they changed the few masculine features that Credence possessed in order to pass him off as female.

The dress was Queenie's idea.

"I think the dress is cute." Queenie giggled mischievously, Tina rolling her eyes beside her, "Don't fret honey, you look fine. We need to be convincing now, don't we?"

"What maid dresses like that?!?" Tina exclaimed with exasperation.

"Lots," Queenie responded vaguely before the blonde Goldstein scurried away before she could be interrogated further.

Tina sighed and turned back to Credence, smiling sympathetically, "You do look quite nice."

Credence returned the smile tersely but didn't say anything back. Instead, he turned to inspect himself in the mirror for the hundredth time that afternoon.

The Goldstein sisters had grown out his hair, that much he was grateful for -- the ugly bowl haircut was now an impressive mane of regal black locks, extending just past his shoulders. Credence didn't miss the bowl cut, and he didn't think he ever would.

The other stuff, he was a little more apprehensive about.

For starters, they had straightened out his nose, as well as made it just a smidge smaller in both length and width. They made his cheekbones just a bit higher, and somehow seemed to have magicked some kind of permanent blush on there.

The lips were the same -- the lips were plump and red enough to belong to a boy or a girl. There were only a few other altercations, in order to make himself "convincingly" feminine. It's not that he wasn't already, but they needed to make sure that the no maj's had no reason to raise question or doubt that this was Christine – a dainty, timid looking young girl who had come to the Goldstein sisters desperate for work. Tina, out of the goodness of her heart – which isn't a scenario that was out of character – had agreed to give her a housekeeping position.

He reached out to touch his own reflection staring back at him, both yearning and disquiet churning at his stomach and tugging at his heart. One part of his mind saw an abomination; the other saw someone he should have been if there were truly a loving and benevolent God above, a God who loved him.

Overall, Credence saw someone beautiful. And that was just the problem:

He didn't feel like he was supposed to be.

When Percival Graves visited the Goldstein's, Credence had intended to stay in his room. While was fully aware it was the true Percival Graves, one of the few humans who had shown him some compassion before Grindelwald had taken on his face, Credence still had no intention of reliving any nostalgic feelings quite yet. He had intended to tidy up the place as was his job (if anyone asked), and Credence was just going to board himself in his bedroom and not come back out until preferably the next morning.

Of course, as luck would have it, that's not what happened at all.

Credence hadn't even heard the door open, or anyone exchanging greetings. He had been setting the table one hour before Mr. Graves was even due to arrive when the asshole came sauntering into the room with that confident air that he had not lost an ounce of since Credence had last seen him.

Credence froze with his hand still setting down a fork.

Mr. Graves halted at the sight of him, as though he had hit some kind of invisible brick wall in his path.

Behind Mr. Graves, Tina panted as she sprinted over to them -- perhaps wanting to have stopped Mr. Graves before he could encounter Credence.

Obviously, it was too late for that.

"Mr...Mr. Graves...." She huffed and heaved, "This is Christine, our new help."

Mr. Graves nodded slowly as he spoke, his eyes still not leaving Credence's, "Christine. I see."

Credence put on his best Christine voice, lightening it just an octave, "N—nice to meet you, Mr. Graves."

"Likewise." Mr. Graves nodded curtly, finally seeming to gather himself. He cleared his throat and turned back to Tina, "So, pot roast you said?"

Credence took the opportunity to run back to his room, silverware arrangements forgotten. He was relieved beyond measure when no one tried to stop him.

The next morning, Queenie came to his bedroom. She knocked gingerly, and Credence opened the door to see her standing in her pink bathrobe, a steaming coffee mug in her hand. A smirk played on her lips.

"Good morning honey! So that Mr. Graves is really interested in employing your cleaning services, ya know?" Queenie purred slyly, taking a sip from her mug.

"Oh... I couldn't... I mean, I'm not even really..." Credence stammered, his face probably already going red. He did help around the Goldstein's sure, he didn't intend to just twiddle his fingers while he stayed here. Still, Credence highly doubted he could pass off as a true maid. He wasn't even entirely sure if Mr. Graves had bought his new identity.

"Maybe it's time for you to start paying some rent." She mused, but she said it with a smile playing at her already glossy lips, "Mr. Graves is a very rich man. I'm sure he plays very... handsomely. Who knows? Maybe he'll talk you on full time."

Credence swallowed hard.

"I..."

Before he could offer a real response, Queenie handed him a small slip of paper.

It had an address scrawled on it in elegant writing. Handwriting that Credence somehow knew belonged to Mr. Graves. He wondered if Mr. Graves had truly been the one to bring up the subject, to make this offer --- or if this was truly the offer he had made. Maybe he did buy into the secret identity.

After a moment's hesitation, Credence took it into unnaturally slender fingers -- fingers that weren't quite his own, with nail polish shining on trimmed nail tips.

"Don't worry." Queenie winked at him after taking another sip of her coffee, "He doesn't know who you are, I checked his thoughts to make sure."

Queenie strode away, and as he watched her leave Credence noticed she had a remarkably similar swagger to Percival's -- they both swung their hips with the air of someone who knew there would always be people lusting after those hips... or what was between the hips.

Damn them.

Credence found himself on Percival Graves doorstep less than 24 hours later. He was still wearing the dress.

Tina had given him various other things to wear, but much to Queenie's telling amusement, they almost always seemed to vanish.

So, the dress it was.

Tina had insisted that he looked good in it.

Right?

Queenie has assured him Mr. Graves didn't know who he was anyway.

Right?

The door swung open before he could even knock on it -- Percival Graves stood there in a silk black bathrobe. Credence inhaled sharply.

"Christine." Mr. Graves smirked, "Come on in. "

Trying not to have a panic attack right there and then, Credence shuffled in past Mr. Graves. He had hoped the Auror hadn't noticed him staring... but he probably did, the observant bastard.

Credence let himself into the large brownstone, the brownstone he had always wondered about the interior of. Everything was in place, organized spick and span. There was not a dust mite or bunny in sight. Credence wasn't entirely sure what it was Mr. Graves needed tidying.

Credence turned to Mr. Graves, who was pouring a dark red liquid into a wine glass, presumably wine.

Trying not to sound too intimidated, Credence cleared his throat and remarked, "Quite the place you have here Mr. Graves. I'm.."

"Cut the crap Credence."

Credence gaped openly, and Mr. Graves smirked -- which Credence was starting to think was just a default expression for the brazen bastard.

"You... you didn't ask me here to clean, did you... sir?"

"Nope." Percival grinned slyly before he took a sip from his wine glass.

"How... how did you know?" Credence squeaked, feeling dumb and awed and seduced all at the same time, "Queenie said..."

"I'd recognize those lips anywhere, darling." Percival shook his head. He took a step forward and out of reflex Credence took a step back, "...but what the hell did those gals do to your face?"

Credence absently patted at his own jawline, magically altered to seem a bit more dainty. "They made me beautiful. Like a girl. Like my sisters had been. There's no men allowed at the Goldstein's apartment, so I had to look like a girl, really."

Mr. Graves' expression was not shy in it's abhorrence."Heaven's, no.", he growled lowly, the words dripping with distaste.

He whipped out his wand out of his robe pocket, and Credence flinched. Percival sighed, but he still tapped the end of the wand to the tip of Credence's nose.

"Revelio."

In a swift succession of tickling sensations in various areas, the magical mask came undone.

Credence found himself cowering without it; as though Mr. Graves had never seen his true appearance before. He felt shame burning upwards through his cheeks and spilling out of his eyes through brimming tears.

Mr. Graves gently tilted Credence's chin so that he had no choice but to face him.

"Look at me..." Mr. Graves whispered softly, running a thumb over his naked, flawed, and ugly face.

Credence obeyed, and his heart fluttered under the gaze of his old friend -- the man once viewed as his personal Jesus; and then as his personal Judas.

"Much better..." Mr. Graves crooned before smiling a genuine, heartfelt smile. It was something he had never seen on Percival Graves before – neither original nor doppelganger – but it was truly one of the most beautiful things Credence had seen in his very ugly life. The older man dove in for a kiss more passionate, with lips more hungry and reassuring than Credence had imagined in his wildest daydreams.

When they parted, Credence was breathless. His vision blurred from tears and euphoria and delirium. He panted where he stood, at a loss for words.

Mr. Graves chuckled darkly, remarking as he walked off, "I'll be writing Tina to tell her you've found new employment then, eh my boy?"

Credence could only nod dumbly, straightening out the skirt of his French maids dress in a weak attempt to hide his shaking knees that were very much his own.

#credence barebone #percival graves #gradence #gravebone #fantastic beasts and where to find them #fbawtft

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imaginecredence · 7 years

Text

“I’ll see you again.” (part 48)

Summary: A Credence Barebone imagine (Credence x Reader)

Note: This is the 48th part to this imagine so make sure you check out the others! I hope you like and reblog it. There also will most likely be a grammar mistake so bare with me. Anyway… I hope you enjoy!

Date published: October 15, 2017

Warnings: angst... angry Credence

Year: June- 1927

Part: forty-eight of ?

MASTERLIST

PLAYLIST _____________________

“But why didn’t you tell me? I told you I trusted you.” Credence said, a bit worked up from his emotions. “I didn’t want you to worry, you were just starting to really get better.” You were both standing in the kitchen after Credence had just found out that you were not making enough money to make ends meet. “This is just like in January, when you lost your job. You said you weren’t going to hold things back from me anymore.” He was pretty upset, his voice was louder then it usually was, and his hands were shaking; you could tell he was trying to keep calm. “I didn’t want you to be worried, or feel like you had to fix it.” It was June now; a lot of time had passed since his birthday. Not too much had changed though. But it was getting much harder as time went on with only your one job. “What do you mean?” He asked, taking two steps closer to you. “I didn’t want you to feel like you had to go out and get a job.” You answered, looking down at your feet. “I didn’t want to just throw you out there, and put a lot of pressure on you.” “Well, maybe you should stop making my decisions for me, and let me do things for myself.” He said, and you noticed tears in his eyes. “What does that mean?” You asked, feeling defensive. “I mean, every time something like this happens, it’s because you hold something back from me. Why can’t you just communicate with me and we could have figured this out sooner.” He was started to get worked up again. Whenever he got upset, his body would shake, and you knew it was because he was trying so hard to hold back his Obscurus. “What do you mean? You’re blaming me?” You started to feel tears stream down your face. “N-No.” He hesitated, bowing his head. “You don’t sound so certain.” You whispered, and it was quiet for a moment. It was late at night, around 10pm. The reason he found out about the lack of money was because you were writing a letter to your mother, sort of confessing it, and he had seen what you were writing and started asking questions.

“It is my fault... it always is.” You muttered into the quietness of the house. “Y/N, I never said that-“ “But that’s what you were implying, Credence. I’m so tired of getting everything wrong.” “How can you say that?” His voice was still loud. “Everything you’ve done since I met you has been so good-“ “But what about now? And when I lost my job?” You cut in. “You could have just told me about the problems in those times, maybe I could have helped.” He said. “See? You are blaming me.” You said harshly. “I’m not, Y/N-“ “Than who are you blaming?” You threw your hands up. “I’m so tired of feeling like this.” “Like what?” He argued. “Like I’m always doing something wrong. I try so hard to protect you-“ “Maybe I don’t need protecting.” He barked in. “It’s been six months since we first met, and I feel like all you see in me is a broken little boy. A boy who can’t handle hard times, who can’t-“ he choked on his words. “can’t be strong enough to take the truth.” He was so upset. His eyes were red with tears, and he was shaking even more. As he went on talking, your eyes trailed small bits of dark matter floating around his heated body. “Cr-Credence.” You whispered as he continued to object, but he hardly noticed your scared body language. You had never seen him like this before. He was so mad. And he hadn’t had trouble with his Obscurus in months, it was frightening to see it like this; you being responsible for him feeling this way. “Credence, please.” You spoke again. You were now backed up against the counter, as Credence got closer to you. The wisps of darkness slowly reached out to touch you. The ones after you were much less angry than the ones around Credence. Those were churning and pounding as if they were the words he was speaking to you. Tears were running down your red cheeks as you were feeling hotter and hotter. The words he was saying were painful to hear. You felt defensive, feeling the need to stand up for yourself, but it was scary being in the place you were. Credence standing only a foot away, his anger being very visible in front of you, and his words being hurtful. Maybe they were true, but you just got angrier as he kept going. But it was also scary to see Credence like this.... Credence. Timid, kind, loving, Credence. He almost didn’t look anything like the young man you had fallen in love with back in New York.

Then the particles of darkness reached far enough to touch your cheek. The feeling was unexplainable. It made you shiver, and it felt like it was going into your skin, running through veins. But there was also this other strange sensation. Like the darkness was still Credence, still smooth and gentle. Almost making you still feel safe, but it also felt controlling and in charge at the same time. When you started to feel it touch your other cheek, you just couldn’t take the feeling anymore. Your body was shaking uncontrollably from fear. You wanted to cover your face with your hands, but you felt like any sudden movement would make it angrier. You looked into Credence’s eyes, trying to find some sort of relief, but Credence wasn’t there anymore. Just two white, shining eyes, within the grey and black Obscurus churning angrily in front of you. “B-Baby.” You cried, closing your eyes, sending tears to fall. With that, you felt the strange feeling leave your bones, but you still couldn’t open your eyes. They were squinted, but tears still found their way out.

It felt like hours later when you felt something else on your cheek, something familiar. It was cold, but gentle. It was a little rough against your face, but it made you feel a little less on edge. Your eyes slowly opened and you saw Credence, your Credence. His hands were on your cheeks and the look on his face was like nothing you had ever seen. He was completely terrified. The irises of his eyes were fading in and out of white, trying to get the last bit of himself under control. Shaking was an understatement, he was trembling. Your face could feel the shaking under his scared hands. He opened his mouth, but was unable to make a sound. Tears just kept falling down his cheeks, and he couldn’t take his eyes off of you, so scared that he had hurt you. You were scared to death, almost paralyzed by the fear. You just wanted to get away, and the fact that you wanted that, scared you even more. It was Credence, why would you want to get away?

“D-Don’t hurt m-me.” You somehow managed to say, your bottom lip trembling. Credence was hunched over in front of you, still staring deeply into your fear-filled eyes. You were so terrified. Even in some of Credence’s worst moments with his dark power you weren’t this scared. Even when he forced you back against your bed frame, and broke your rib, you weren’t this afraid. There was something about seeing how angry he was, how he was almost in control as an Obscurial. And the feeling of it rushing through you was so terrifying. “P-Please don’t hurt me.” You said again, begging this time, your plead for relief causing Credence to come out of the trance his mind had been in since he had contained the Obscurus. He closed his eyes, lightly shaking his head, and gaining back his full consciousness. “N-No. I-I-“ he stumbled over the words he tried to make worthy. With this, he took his hands away from your face, backing away, looking down at his scar laced palms in fear... What had he done?

When his skin finally lost contact with yours, you felt like you could breathe again. You let out a shaky sigh, covering your mouth with your hand. You both stood there in shock, the feelings of everything sinking in. “I-I” Credence stuttered. “I’m s-sorry.” You couldn’t reply, you didn’t know how, or what to say. All you could think to do was turn and run out the front door. You felt like you were in a dream, like you had no control over what you were doing. You stumbled down the stairs, out into the cool, summer night, breathing heavily. You stood in the middle of the sidewalk, almost like you were lost, looking around the street. You put your shaking hands over your ears, trying to block out the ringing noise that wouldn’t stop. The world felt like it was spinning out of control. And the next thing you knew, you had vomited on the ground, unable to contain your fear and stress. Then you knelt down, sitting on the curb of the sidewalk, still covering your ears.

“Y/N.” You could hear behind you, but it sounded muffled and distant. “Y/N.” It sounded a bit clearer this time, like it was closer now. He sounded so scared. You felt his hands on your shoulder, causing you to react in defense. You threw up your arms, and stood up, turning around. “I-l... y-yo-“ you couldn’t even speak, you couldn’t stop crying, and you couldn’t stop being scared out of your skin. “Y-Y/N, please. I’m not going to hurt you.” He begged, moving a bit closer. “N-No.” You stuttered again, backing away. “Just come inside.” Credence soothed. He looked around at the houses. It was late, and he didn’t want anyone hearing you and coming out. “J-Just come inside.” He said again, even more desperately. You looked down, beginning to sob. “C-Come on.” He said, moving beside you, putting his arm around you, guiding you inside.

Once you were finally inside, he didn’t know what to do. He gently sat you on the couch, and wrapped a blanket around you. He sat next to you, feeling unable to make you feel better. You just sat there in a daze, not even crying anymore.

“Y-You...” you started, and he sat up straight, giving his full attention. “You think I treat you like you’re still broken? Like you’re still weak and helpless?” You started getting choked up again. “Sometimes.” He muttered quietly. “You’re not going to hurt me, right?” You said, almost scared to even ask such a question. “Of-of course not.” He said, hating to hear those words leave your lips. He leaned in closer to hug you, but you leaned away, bowing your head. “I-I feel like I’m gonna be sick again.” You said, covering your mouth. “I-I need to go to bed.” With that you stood up, stumbling to the stairs, the blanket still around you. Credence followed closely behind you, trying to get you to talk to him. But before he could, you went into your room and locked the door.

You flopped onto the bed, sobbing again. Credence knocked on the door, trying to get it open. “Please, Y/N. Please.” You could hear him sob from the other side of the door. “Please. I’m not going to hurt you.” You just covered your ears, trying to go to sleep. When Credence decided you weren’t going to open the door, he stood back, and took a deep breath. He wiped the tears from his cheeks and closed his eyes, focusing. He put his hands out, almost touching the lock, and concentrated so hard, trying to use his magic to unlock the door. “Please.” He said to himself, putting more force into his attempt to open your door. “Come on.” He cried, getting so frustrated with himself. And the next thing he knew, his hands started to fade into a dusty black. “N-No.” he yelled, getting himself under control. With that, he gave up his attempt at magic, leaning back against the door, sobbing uncontrollably. He sat down on the floor, outside your door, just crying. He was so upset, confused, and tired.

Credence’s eyes shot open, and he realized he had fallen asleep, leaning against your door. It took him a second, but all the memories of last night came flooding back all at once, and he was immediately sad again. He clumsily stood up, putting his ear up to the door. He couldn’t hear you, so he tried to open the door, but it was still locked. “Y/N?” He tried calling out, but nothing. He stood there for close to an hour before he decided to go downstairs.

It was almost noon by the time he heard you walking around upstairs. He jumped up out of his seat at the kitchen table, waiting impatiently for you. You finally came down, wrapped in the same blanket from the night before. When he saw you, he lightly smiled, trying to show that he wasn’t going to hurt you. You walked over to him, not giving eye contact, and sat down at the table. He sat down too, not taking his eyes off of you for one second.

“I-I think we need to talk about last night.” You stuttered. “Y/N, I’m so s-sorry. I didn’t mean to get so angry. I didn’t mean to scare you. Pl-Please don’t leave me.” He rambled, sobbing by the time he finished. “You don’t know what it feels like to have that thing touch you like it did me. It felt like it was inside of me, taking over my body.” You cried, then it was quiet for a moment. “And, Credence?” He looked up. “I’m not going to leave you.” He bursted into tears, bowing his head down to rest on his arm that laid on the table. He just cried in front of you, his body wracking with sobs. He kept mumbling “I’m sorry.” over and over again. You couldn’t help but just cry too. Seeing him like this was unbearable. You reached out and touched his black hair, gently rubbing his head to comfort him.

He finally got himself together, and sat up. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.” You sniffled. “I just didn’t want you to feel like you had to get a job.” “I want to help, Y/N... we’re in this together.” He said, reaching across to touch your hand. You looked down at your intertwined hands, then up at him, and weakly smiled. “I don’t want you to be scared of me.” Credence said, biting his lip. You sat there thinking for a minute. “I think we need to figure out more about what an Obscurus is.” You thought out loud. “And your magic too. I don’t think it’s fair for you to have all of this inside of you and not know anything about it... Would you like that?” “Yes.” He breathed out. “Very much.” “Okay.” You smiled. “It’s not fair, you know...” You sort of chuckled, and he looked back up at you, confused. “How am I ever going to win a fight?”

To be continued....

PART FORTY-NINE

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imaginecredence · 7 years

Text

“I’ll see you again.” (part 16)

Summary: A Credence Barebone imagine (Credence x Reader)

~You and Credence talk about your feelings for each other... and mistletoe is involved

Note: This is the 16th part to this imagine so make sure you check out the others! I hope you like and reblog it. There also will most likely be a grammar mistake so bare with me. Anyway… I hope you enjoy!

Date published: February 27, 2017

Warnings: mentions of abuse, and WAY too much cuteness to handle

Year: December - 1926

Word Count: 2,675

MASTERLIST

PLAYLIST

__________________________________

The whole week consisted of the two of you leaving the house as much as you could. You went to the market together, to the bank, and anywhere else you had to run errands. You wanted to get him used to not being in the apartment all the time.

The trip to Maine was coming up and you still had to tell your mom that he was coming. You didn’t know how she was going to take it. You debated just bringing him and not saying anything, but you decided that probably wasn’t the best idea.

It was early in the morning. The sun was just starting to pour in a warm orange around the apartment. You sat at the kitchen table, with a steaming cup of tea and a blank piece of paper. You were trying to write to your mom, but you didn’t know how to tell her. You looked over at the couch and saw Credence sleeping peacefully. You sighed, frustrated that you didn’t know how to write this letter.

Dear Mom, I hope you and dad are doing well. I’m really excited about seeing you all next week! Okay, I have to tell you something. I’m bringing someone home this time. First off- we are friends. He has been staying with me for a few weeks. He’s had a rough life and he doesn’t have anyone else but me. So prepare to have an extra person there. Also don’t freak out like you always do about these kinds of things. His name is Credence. Prepare everyone to be really kind to him, because people haven’t been very kind to him in the past. He’s also used to being around just one person, so tell everyone to not get crazy like they always do. Sorry for the short notice. I just didn’t know how to tell you.

Holiday wishes, Y/N

You had just finished the letter when Credence sat up. His hair was pushed up on the side he was sleeping on. You chuckled to yourself at the adorable sight.

“Good morning,” you said, breaking the morning silence you had gotten used to.

He gave you a tired, half smile. “Good morning,” His voice was that croaky, morning voice you love.

He stood up and walked over to the table where you sat. He leaned against the back of your chair. You could feel his cheek resting against your temple. He looked at the letter, laying on the table.

“Who’s the letter for?” he asked.

Your heart raced at the feeling of him so close to you. Especially because he initiated it.

“My- My mother,” you stuttered, your cheeks turning red. “I’m- I’m telling her about you.” you said, turning around to see him.

His mouth was slightly curved in a small smile, something you saw a little more now. But at this his face fell.

“You- You are?” He said, nervously.

“Yeah. We’re leaving in a week and if we want the letter to get there before we do I need to send it today,” you told him, standing up from the table. “What are you telling her?” he asked, playing with his hands nervously. You picked up the letter and began to read.

“– First off- we’re friends.” you paused, looking up from the letter. Credence quickly looked down.

“I just told her that so she wouldn’t think that we-” you paused again. You weren’t the type of person to talk about your feelings, but you had been thinking about this a lot. You knew Credence wouldn’t talk about his feelings first. So you knew you had to be the first to bring it up.

“Are we? Are we just friends?” you asked quietly, looking at your feet. You glanced up, to see what Credence was thinking. He stared at you, not expecting your question. You walked over to the table and sat down. You patted the place in front of his seat, telling him to sit. He awkwardly walked over and sat down. He stared at his hands in his lap.

“How do you feel about me?” you asked in a quiet voice. “I know you’ve said that you love me,” you swallowed, nervously. “And I’ve told you, I love you. But I think this is something we need to talk about.” You looked up at him. He was still staring at his lap. “Do you want to talk about it?” you asked slowly, still looking at him. He shrugged. “Okay,” you said, with disappointment in your voice. You stood up and walked to the sink. You leaned against it, back turned to Credence. You really did want to talk about it. You felt like it would be good for both of you to get it off your chest.

“Y/N?“ You heard him say behind you.

"Yeah?” you said, not turning around.

“A-At first I didn’t know what was wrong with me,” he started.

You turned around slowly, amazed that he was opening up.

“I had seen couples on the street, but I never thought anything of it,” he rested his hands on the table, still nervously playing with them. “I didn’t know what I was feeling. Every time I saw you my stomach-” he paused. You sat down at the table, still listening attentively. He sighed, gathering the courage to keep talking.

“Then I realized what I was feeling. Then I was s-scared for feeling that way,” he still felt weak for admitting when he was scared. You could tell too, so reached out and placed your hand in his.

“You’re doing great,” you smiled at him.

“I-I thought I should stop, because I knew you would never see me that way. Then that night when you helped me in the alley. I thought maybe-” He paused and bowed his head lower. You squeezed his hand tighter.

“Maybe you-you felt the same way,” his voice got quieter as he spoke.

“I do, Credence. But I can’t help but wonder if-” Your eyes shifted around the room as you bit your bottom lip. “If you feel this way because I’m the first person to show you kindness.” You took a deep breath and continued. “There is so much out there and so many kind people. I don’t want to hold you back from something- someone better.” Your voice was shaky. It was hard to say these things because you didn’t want him to go, but you couldn’t hold him back.

You both sat there in silence for a while, holding each other’s hand from across the table.

“I don’t think there is better. How does it get better than you?” he said, breaking the silence.

You looked up to see him staring at you. You smiled, tears falling down your face. You stood up from your chair and walked over to him. He stood up and you jumped up into a hug. You started to shake with sobs. He held you so tight. One hand holding your waist and the other resting on the back of your head. You hugged his neck and buried you face in his chest. “I love you, Credence,” your voice was muffled from the tight hug.

“I love you too. So much,” At this you hug him even tighter.

He pulled you off of him and held your face. He moved the hair away from your damp face. Tears continued to fall from your eyes, but he wiped them away with his thumb. He stared at you with so much love in his eyes then he pulled you into the sweetest kiss. He held your face with both hands. You grabbed the side of his shirt and placed your other hand on his arm.

It was the most passionate of kisses. You hadn’t kissed him since the night you found out about Mr. Graves. It felt so good to finally kiss him again. You didn’t want to rush him into it because of all that he had been through.

You finally pulled away. He still gently held your face. You went back in for a hug. Your head rested against his chest. You could hear his heart beating so fast. You smiled because you knew he was nervous and so were you. “I’ll make some breakfast,” you said, not wanting to let go.

When you pulled away, you stared up at him. He nodded at you and you walked over to start breakfast.

While you cooked, you put a Christmas record on. You loved Christmas. It was the best time of year and you were so happy you got to spend it with Credence. Every now and then you would glance over at the mistletoe on your shelf. Your mom had sent it over a week ago and you never put it up. You didn’t want to pressure Credence, and you thought it was silly that she sent it, so you never put it anywhere. But you thought maybe now that you had kissed again that you could. But you talked yourself out of it.

After breakfast you put the letter in an envelope and put the address on it. “I’ve decided not to rewrite it,” you said out of no where.

“What?” Credence asked.

“Seeing as we’re not just friends, I thought about rewriting the letter. But I thought it might be better not to tell my mom just yet,” you said, finishing up the address.

You didn’t look up at Credence. You still blushed at talking about your feelings for him.

“Do you want to run to the post office with me?” you said, after licking the envelope.

“No, I think I’ll stay here,” he said, quietly.

“Okay. I won’t be long,” you replied, putting on your coat. “Bye,” you said, as you closed the door.

About half an hour later you were back in your apartment. You sat at the table, paying bills and such. The Christmas record played softly in the background. Credence was on the couch reading. He had read almost five books since he came. You were happy he found something to enjoy. You glanced up at the shelf. The mistletoe was gone. “Where could it have gone?” You thought to yourself.

You continued to pay the bills, but it was hard to focus.

The sun was starting to set as it began to snow again.

“How about some dinner?” you asked.

Credence looked up from his book. He was cuddled under a blanket on the couch. “Okay,” he said, standing up. “I’ll help you.”

“Thanks,” you smiled, looking in the fridge for some chicken to make.

The apartment filled with the amazing smell of dinner. Credence cut up some potatoes and you made the chicken. He walked over to the boiling pot of water and put the potatoes in. He stayed, standing next to you. You laid your head on his shoulder as the music continued to play softly. He took the fork you flipped the chicken with out of your hand and put down. He took your hand in his and you turned to face him. He moved his other hand to your waist. You put your hand on his shoulder and moved in closer, resting your head on his chest. You swayed back and forth to the music. He rested his chin on your head and you both closed your eyes, soaking in the moment.

“Don’t leave me,” he said, quietly in your ear.

You looked up at him, with sad eyes. “Never, Credence,” You told him. "You don’t have to worry.“ you said, hugging him. You felt him start to cry and you squeezed him tighter.

You grabbed his hand and pulled him to the couch.

You sat, facing each other. You held his hands and said, “Talk to me,” You knew he had so much he wanted to say.

He sniffed and wiped away tears. “Every night I’m scared to go to sleep because I’m scared I’ll wake up and you’ll just be a dream,” he said, with a croaky voice. Tears burned in your eyes. “I’ve never felt this way before. No one has ever treated me like this. I’m scared you’ll get to know me and you’ll decide you don’t want me anymore.” he stumbled out, not looking you in the eye.

“Credence, I want to get to know you more. I’m not going to leave you,” you told him, pulling his chin up. “I want to know more about you, so much.” you said, scooting closer to him.

You both sat there for a while, heads bowed. “What’s your favorite color?” you said, slightly laughing.

He looked up at you with a small smile, tears still wet on his face. “Green. A dark green, like a Christmas tree,” he told you, starting to feel better. “What’s yours?” he asked, with pure interest in his eyes.

You smiled at this. “Blue. Like the sky on a clear summer day,”

He smiled at that.

“Oh my gosh! The chicken!” you said, breaking the stare between you.

You ran to the kitchen and flipped the chicken. Thankfully it wasn’t burnt. You also stirred the potatoes. After you finished, you walked back to Credence and sat on the couch.

“What’s your favorite dessert?” you asked, excited to know more about him.

“Probably cookies,” he told you.

“We should make Christmas cookies!” you said, excitedly.

During dinner you continued your conversation. You asked him questions and he answered them. You learned that his favorite season is spring and that he hated it when it rained. You told him that you loved it when it rained. “Why?” he asked, wondering how anyone would like rain. “Because it’s beautiful! I mean, I understand why you don’t like it. You were forced to be out in it all the time,” you said “But I think it’s beautiful.”

He looked lovingly at you while you spoke of the things you love.

While you washed the dishes together you learned that he had never been out of New York.

“Well, then I’m glad I get to be there when you do,” you said, thinking about Maine. You were still nervous about him meeting your family. “You’re going to love Maine. It’s beautiful.”

After you had cleaned up the kitchen and put the dishes away you stood around the apartment, wondering what to do next. The music still played and the Christmas tree shined brightly in the dark apartment. Credence walked over to you and grabbed your hand nervously. He stood in front of you and stared at your hand as he rubbed the top of it with his thumb. “Credence?” you said, knowing something was up.

“Come here,” he said, leading you across the room. He stopped under the lower part of the ceiling where the loft was. He held both of your hands and stared at them nervously.

“What’s wrong?” you asked.

He looked up at the ceiling, and you looked up too, curiously. There was the mistletoe, hung up above you. He looked back down at you, his eyes were filled with nervousness. You could feel his hands shaking in yours. You stared at each other for a while.

Suddenly Credence moved forward, firmly pressing his lips against yours. His lips were warm on yours. The kiss was a little more aggressive than your other kisses. You held each other’s hands in between you. Then he pulled away, his face inches away from yours. He looked at you as if to ask if this was okay. You smiled at him and went back in for another kiss. He moved his hands to your waist and you placed your hands on his neck. You pulled away again and rested your forehead on his.

“You’re beautiful, Y/N,” he told you, shyly.

You could tell it took everything out of him to tell you this. You smiled at him and jumped up into a hug. “I love you, Credence,” you told him.

“I love you too,” he said, hugging your waist tighter.

To be continued…

PART SEVENTEEN

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