#I keep convincing myself this time I will not attach to media

[runestele]

“I can be normal about media-” IDIOT . third rewatch

#I keep convincing myself this time I will not attach to media #in two weeks I have watched #tbsatdh #three times #not counting my only-the-Annalise-scenes rewatch #this could also apply to Black Sails or other faves but that number is way higher than 3 #mine #like… it’s fine #ok to reblog

[underratedandoverit]

You Wanna Wish Away Your Sins (3/3)

After losing to Best Friends at Arcade Anarchy, Kip undergoes shoulder surgery. One person reaching out to him afterwards sends Kip spiraling, turning all the pain and suffering in him into… Flowers? Flowers growing in his lungs?

Kip Sabian/Chuck Taylor. Hanahaki disease. Angst. Hurt/comfort. Emotional hurt/comfort. One-sided attraction. Also tagged this from now on with manipulative Kip.

Marked Mature on AO3 for general content. Warnings for mentions of hospitals, surgery, medical stuff. Described feelings for choking and vomiting.

Other characters on-screen include Penelope Ford, Orange Cassidy. Rest of Best Friends are mentioned. Background ship of Penelope/Kris is heavily implied, but never specifically shown.

part 1 || part 2

On AO3

Finishing this took way longer than I intended. Oops. Mental illness and whatever be damned yada yada. But it's over now. And I am content. It's a whole fic and ended just as I wanted and had planned, surprisingly no surprises during writing lol. I hope it makes sense, there's a little bit there that doesn't get explained, but I have convinced myself that people can put the pieces together considering the mental state Kip is in and how the hanahaki disease works so. Yeah.

If you have read this far, thank you so much, I really appreciate you and your patience if you have waited for this to finish since I originally posted in early September. I see all the kudos and subs attached, they mean the world to me. Would love to hear your thoughts of this now that it's over, as there was a lot of time (obviously lol) and love put into this, so it would mean a lot ;; But I appreciate you all so much either way, thank you for sticking by and reading!! 💜💜

@midnightpretenders0 @stormbornpirate @ss-trashboat

----------------------

Kip tried to keep his eyes on the television, but he wasn’t registering anything he saw on the screen. Even if he was technically interested in watching the game that was being played, Kip would have much rather been looking at something else. Or someone else. That someone being the man sitting on the couch next to him, being much more into the activity of playing a video game that he was partaking in that Kip was.

While he was glad that Chuck was coming over far more often these days, at the same time it did grind Kip’s mind that they had fallen into this false routine of a casual friendship. Chuck would appear on his doorstep, bring a movie or a game with him for them to busy themselves with that day, maybe some snacks and energy drinks, and the rest of the day they would just hang out, consume the media of the day, and that would be it.

Same talking points every single day. Sitting in the silently designated spots on the couch just far enough from one another that even by accident their hands wouldn’t brush against each other unless they were passing the food and drinks around. Eye contact was brief, almost uncomfortably so if it managed to exist in the first place, and only when one got up from the couch and asked if the other needed something or something similarly surprising happened. Maybe a laugh could gather a quick glance, maybe a sneeze, a cough. And even then it was more often Chuck doing that to Kip, while Kip was trying to steal looks into his direction any chance he could, hoping Chuck would catch a hint.

It had been days, weeks even, maybe. How many, Kip had lost a count somewhere after the first few days, partially because of the pain he was going through, partially because he still found the whole situation so absurd. But the thing he knew for sure, was that it had been too many for comfort.

Every time Kip watched Chuck walk out the door of his house again at the end of the day, his breathing became a little bit tighter, the stabbing pain in his chest more prominent, the sleep during that following night a little shorter.

He was so tired of it all, and with every day that passed him by, it was pushing Kip closer to the realization that he finally had to do something about things. Before the pain was too paralyzing, before the thoughts became too much. Before he just couldn’t do anything about it anymore, before it was all too late.

“…Hey? Kip?”

The Brit blinked blankly a few times, finally registering the voice calling out to him after the words had been repeated a few times. His eyes slowly dragged away from the television screen, facing the brunet sitting on the couch next to him, Chuck looking at him with worry and concern. It was almost adorable to Kip how his brows furrowed and eyes darted around his facial features in clear worry. Almost.

“Sorry, what were you saying?”

Chuck sighed, Kip trying to offer him an apologetic smile as he watched Chuck running a hand through his hair, eyes turning away from the other man again as he shook his head a little. Kip had been too deep in his own head, with his own thoughts to notice Chuck had even tried to talk to him, the guilt almost immediately gnawing on him at the mere thought. He was supposed to try to pay attention to him, to try to make Chuck realize the situation, how close they were, to understand his feelings, to close the gap, to --

“I just wanted to know if you were hungry. We could order something in, maybe. If you’d like.”

For once Kip was thankful that Chuck wasn’t looking straight at him, his cheeks flushing red for a brief moment as he registered the words. Ordering food? Together? At his place, like this, out of the blue? For the first time?

It almost sounded like a date night proposal in Kip’s ears.

He quickly shook the thought from his head, turning away from Chuck to make sure he didn’t even by accident catch a glimpse of the blush decorating his face, desperately trying to not have the words caught in his throat, only partially succeeding.

“Ye-yeah that would be great.”

Chuck was so sincere about this question, just like he always was about everything, he was probably just hungry himself, and Kip was overthinking it all. Once again. But also, what if…

“Great. What would you like to eat?” Chuck’s words cut Kip’s thought process off again, his eyes slowly returning to the other man, watching Chuck pull his phone out of his pocket, eyes landing onto it, seemingly to avoid eye contact with Kip, who just shrugged a little. “I don’t know. Whatever sounds good.”

Chuck’s brows furrowed, suddenly looking back at Kip, making the Brit jump a little. This wasn’t the kind of reaction Kip had expected to his words, swallowing a little surprise lump in his throat as all of a sudden he was very unsure again where this was going. He hated nothing more than the unpredictable nature of their relationship, not being able to read Chuck at moments like this, mostly due to his own emotions and thoughts clouding his judgment and understanding of what the situation called for from him.

“…Okay, I’m going to be fully honest with you.”

The suddenly rather serious tone of Chuck’s voice made Kip’s eyes widen a little, he could feel his whole body tensing up at the sudden shift. Chuck offered him a small smile, most likely in hopes of trying to calm down Kip’s very obviously surprised demeanor, but seeing that smile just made Kip’s whole mind skip another beat instead.

“I’ve been worried about you recently. I actually talked with Penelope yesterday after I left, and she feels much the same way as I do.”

Chuck? Worried? About him? Chuck? Kip’s head was spinning, but he just nodded his head, not even acknowledging the fact that Chuck was also talking about Penelope being involved in this. All Kip cared about was that Chuck was thinking about him, outside of this room, outside of this couch, when he wasn’t around.

Chuck was thinking, and talking, about him.

“You’ve been… Seemingly getting worse each day I see you. You lack sleep, you lack food, you lack energy. I understand you are in a lot of pain with the shoulder and all, but you need to take care of yourself, Kip. Mine and Penelope’s help will only get you so far.”

Kip just looked at him quietly, trying to process the statement in his head, but all his thoughts retracted back to the overall realization that Chuck was worried about him. Thinking about him. That Chuck at least seemed to care more than he led on directly to him, at least before this very moment at hand.

“If there’s something wrong that you need help with, other than what we have been providing so far, you shouldn’t be afraid to ask, you know?”

Kip felt his head nodding itself, despite not approving of the movement in his mind. He was running on a practiced autopilot, still afraid that one casual movement might fuck all this up for him, not being the kind of response that Chuck wanted. This seemed to be enough for the brunet for now though as Chuck nodded back at him, eyes slowly returning to the phone in his hand. Right, he was ordering food. Right.

“So, again: what do you want to eat today? You can get anything you want, as long as it makes you eat. We just want to make sure you take care of yourself.”

At the same time it was endearing that Chuck was doing this for him, but Kip also knew he had to put a stop to this, all of it. While yes his current and constantly worsening condition was making him neglect his own basic needs, both which directly as a result affected his appetite and energy levels, Kip knew that trying to eat some proper food one day wasn’t the answer to his problems. Above all else, his condition was making it not only difficult to breathe, but the pain in his chest and particularly in his lungs made eating at this point a near impossible task.

As the silence from the Brit continued, Chuck glanced towards him, spotting Kip just looking back at him. Whether he was deep in thought or just staring, Chuck wasn’t quite sure.

“Kip?”

“I’m not hungry.”

At least it wasn’t a lie in a sense. Chuck raised a brow at him, slowly lowering the hand holding his phone onto his lap, eyes narrowing a little. Chuck’s eyes lingered on him just a little bit too long, forcing Kip to look away, back towards the television with the frozen game pause screen on it.

“You need to eat something.”

“Food can’t fix this.”

Kip could feel the confusion radiating from Chuck’s face, probably his entire being at this point, but he just couldn’t look back at him. It was so much easier for Kip to process his thoughts if he wasn’t looking at what he was sure was a very worried expression on the brunet sitting on the couch a few feet away from him.

He heard Chuck sigh. Not a very good sign.

“If you eat something, you get energy. You feel better. I shouldn’t need to explain all this to you. Kip, please --”

“This isn’t about food.”

Chuck fell silent as Kip cut him off, probably a bit more aggressively than necessary, but he was tired of this. All of this. Both his inability to do anything about the situation even though he desperately, so very desperately needed it, and the way they both seemed to just dance around the topic and the issues at hand. To Kip, Chuck offering to order him food was nothing but a detour that he couldn’t afford to wait to take to where he eventually needed to be. Kip had suffered long enough, mostly due to his own faults, yes, but Chuck jumping in to push his buttons like this, while a step in the right direction, wasn’t a fast enough track to where they needed to be.

Where Kip needed to be if he wanted to make it through all of this, it seemed like.

“…Are you mad at me?”

Kip’s eyes narrowed a little, but he still didn’t turn to look towards Chuck. All he heard was another quiet sigh.

“I don’t know how many times I can apologize for what happened. You know it was an accident. I’m sorry --”

“I don’t want you to apologize. I don’t care about that.”

If something, it was supposed to be Kip who apologized for everything, and he knew that painfully well.

“Then what is it?”

Kip swallowed thickly, being absolutely certain that Chuck could not only see it but also hear him do it. Kip’s eyes slowly dragged back to him, watching the confusion all over the brunet’s face. If the situation wasn’t so dire and heavy, Kip would have found the look on him endearing. Right now though, seeing Chuck not put the pieces together so easily, filled him with dread instead, along with the knowledge that Kip knew exactly what he needed to do next and the can of worms that he needed to open if he ever wanted to have a shot at things getting better again.

“I need…” Kip stopped, the confusion on Chuck’s face slowly melting into a more expecting look. Both of them were still clearly hesitant, Chuck not knowing what to expect out of him and Kip not being so sure how he was going to phrase this so it made even some sort of sense.

Just say it.

“I… I need you to kiss me.”

The silence that fell into the room felt like it was knocking all the remaining air out of Kip. The longer he looked at Chuck and the unreadable look lingering on his face after the words slipped out of Kip’s mouth, the worse he felt about everything. For once he was being honest about this entire situation and what he wanted out of it, and yet it felt like a worse mistake than anything he had lied to Chuck about so far.

He wanted this. He needed this. This was the trigger Kip had been so afraid to pull for so long now, but he knew that if he didn’t finally say those words, no matter the reaction, it would have terrible consequences for him. He was already suffering, the roots of his problem crawling deeper into his lungs every single day he put it off without even trying to make anything out of it. Kip was tired of it, he was suffering immensely because of it, he just needed to do something. Anything.

After what felt like forever of Chuck just staring at him, Kip was snapped out of his thoughts as Chuck took in a sharp breath, the only way Kip was able to describe his expression being polite confusion.

“You, uh… You what?”

Not sure if Chuck was just making sure or if he really hadn’t understood the statement, Kip bit his lower lip as he turned away from the other man. He inhaled slowly, preparing himself to say those words again. Kip did it once, he could do it again. It was a necessary step forward.

“I-I need. To kiss you. You to kiss me. So-something like that.”

As Chuck didn’t reply for a while, Kip stole a quick glance towards him, trying to gather an overview of the situation. Much to his surprise, Chuck looked like he was in deep thought for a second, as if he was pondering over the request. At least he wasn’t outright denying it from Kip, which in turn as he realized it, made his heart jump back into his throat.

The burning as Kip nervously waited for an answer was worse than the thorns poking inside of his lungs at the moment.

“Would that help? Make you feel better?”

Kip nodded almost instantly, the motion almost frantic, something he couldn’t control. Still clearly in his thoughts, Chuck nodded as well.

“I mean,” he muttered, a hand slowly reaching closer to Kip, the Brit’s focus turning on it with slightly widening eyes, “If… If it helps. I guess.”

Kip watched his hand stopping to hover close to him, slowly his own hand reaching for it. He could feel Chuck’s fingers gently wrapping around his hand, giving it a little tuck, an invitation to come closer. Kip followed suit, shifting over on the couch to slowly make his way to sit down right next to Chuck. For the first time since they had started doing this, for the first time since Chuck had started to spend the days over to keep him company. There had always been a cold, untouched gap between the two of them on the couch, but this was the first time it had been broken, filled, fixed.

And all it took was a small request that Kip should have been able to do in the first place, but it took him weeks and actual concern from Chuck to get to this point.

But there he was now, Chuck still gently holding his hand, running this thumb over his knuckles. A soft, still kind of unsure smile crossing his lips as he was looking Kip straight in the eyes. Chuck clearly wasn’t budging back on this, honestly much to Kip’s surprise, as his free hand slowly crept up to the Brit’s face, palm pressing against his cheek. Chuck’s hand was surprisingly cold against his flushed skin.

“…You sure?”

It was almost as if Chuck was asking that from himself more than Kip, but he pushed the thought aside, just nodding his head again. Without another word, Chuck leaned closer, finally closing the gap that had been antagonizing Kip these past few weeks without remorse, locking their lips together.

The kiss was awkward and hesitant at first, but slowly it felt more natural as they both seemed to relax into it. Soft and homey, but Kip could taste his own desperation in it despite all of it. He knew how badly he not only wanted, but needed this. While he could have joked that it was the matter of life and death, to him it was actually no joke, but merely the cruel reality he barely understood himself at all. Feeling Chuck’s lips finally against his, after the excruciatingly long amount of time of craving and needing nothing more than to taste him so desperately he was suffering from the withdrawals more and more every day, Kip’s mind went blank. He could feel Chuck close, hear his breathing, slowly allowing himself to enjoy it, running a thumb over Kip’s cheek.

Kip had been waiting for this moment for so long, craving for this so badly, that he needed more now that he finally had it, pushing the boundaries first as he found himself without a single coherent thought giving a small bite on Chuck’s lower lip, a silent, desperate request for a deeper kiss. A deeper meaning.

A request that was granted to him, but was also almost immediately and far too fast ripped away from him as Chuck suddenly jolted away, as if he had suddenly in the midst of all of this realized what he was doing and thought better of it.

Eyes opening as Kip felt the hand disappear from his face, he leaned slightly back, watching in emotions swimming in disappointment and confusion as Chuck’s eyes were suddenly on his phone again, the piece of tech buzzing on his lap, suddenly demanding his attention. Almost as if it was mocking Kip and how close he had finally gotten.

“So-sorry, I have to take this.”

Kip just nodded, feeling the body heat of the other man disappearing from around him as Chuck’s hand left his, grabbing a hold of the phone before he stood up, answering the sudden call. He could still salvage this, it wasn’t all lost. Chuck hadn’t denied him this, by the way he was acting it was obvious to Kip that this wasn’t just all in his head. Maybe the kiss had been brief, but there was compassion behind it, he was very gentle about it, there --

“What do you mean that was today?”

Kip’s eyes slowly traveled up to Chuck, watching the brunet run a hand over his face as he sighed. “Yeah I know, I know you need me there for that, just… I was kinda in the middle of something…”

The silence that followed that statement and the way Chuck couldn’t look back at Kip made a familiar lump climb its way back in his throat. Kip tried to cough it out quietly, not to attract attention to himself, just watching as Chuck stepped a little bit further away from him.

“I can be there in twenty minutes, I guess. …Alright, I’ll see you then.”

As he hung up the call, Chuck didn’t even need to say anything. He was sure Kip had heard most of it, and the apologetic eyes and the small smile he offered to him as he finally turned back towards the Brit really didn’t help the case.

“Sorry, I completely forgot we had a photoshoot to do today, I… I gotta go.”

Kip nodded his head, but remained silent as he stood up from the couch. At least this was a start, they were going somewhere. He had put at least part of his desires out there, for Chuck to reach out and react to, if nothing else. This was a beginning, hopefully for the better. Kip wasn’t sure how fast he was supposed to be feeling the effects of his love and affections being returned to him, but so far he was blaming the sick feeling in his throat on the sudden change of pace in the room rather than Chuck not returning his feelings like before.

Maybe he had read all of this wrong. Maybe the sickness had caught up with him just because he didn’t know this was mutual. That had to be it, right?

Kip walked him to the door, Chuck turning back to him again as he rested his hand on the door handle.

“Look, I’m really sorry I have to go, I just completely forgot about this. You know, with having to worry about you and all.”

Kip could feel a smile tucking the corner of his lips, allowing at least a part of it to show. As sad as he was having to watch Chuck walk away yet again without a resolution to this whole problem, at least there was hope. Chuck smiled back at him, leaning closer to press a quick little peck on Kip’s lips, catching the Brit off guard, leaving him looking back at him with wide eyes as Chuck opened the door, stepping outside.

“I’ll see you again tomorrow, alright?”

Kip could only nod before Chuck closed the door, leaving him standing there, heart racing and beating loudly between his ears. Kip leaned against the closed door, inhaling deeply before he sighed, the content smile on his lips only wiped away as he coughed softly, eyes shooting open to witness the handful of purple tinted rose petals he let out of his mouth.

No.

Chuck Taylor still didn’t love him.

----------------------------------------

“…Are you sure it’s him?”

Cassidy shrugged his shoulders a little. “I mean, who else could it be? Besides, he has photos of himself that he signs and hands out and a big board on the table with the name ‘Kip Sabian’ on it, so…”

Chuck sighed, running a hand over his face before rolling his eyes. “You could have led with that information, you know.”

Cassidy didn’t reply back to him, just observed the brunet on the couch through his sunglasses. “I thought you would have known. Aren’t you two friends or something?”

Chuck avoided looking directly back at him, trying to make it seem like the question didn’t sting. He hadn’t seen Kip since that day, he never opened the door when Chuck came over the following day or answered any of his calls or texts since. He had been living in complete darkness over what had actually happened with Kip, even Penelope refused to tell him anything apart from a general ‘he’s fine’ every time Chuck asked her something.

“I told you, that was months ago.”

Cassidy just nodded, stopping to observe Chuck as the other man just tried to focus back on lacing his boots. After a long, lingering silence the blond broke it as he spoke up again.

“Do you want to go see him?”

Chuck stopped, eyes slowly dragging up to Cassidy again. He seemed sincere in that question, and if Chuck was being honest, that had been the first thought in his mind since Cassidy had waltzed into the locker room with the news that Kip had been sighted inside the building. The premise seemed rather odd to him, but at the same time, he wouldn’t have put something like that past Kip. A silent man with a suit and a cardboard box on his head, doing a signing that hadn’t been advertised for anyone beforehand. Sounded like it was just down Kip’s alley, in some really weird way, to him.

“Is he still there?”

“Probably,” Cassidy shrugged again. “He seemed to be just setting up when we went into the cafeteria like twenty minutes ago. I doubt he has left yet.”

While he wasn’t quite sure how to take any of it, let alone how Kip was going to take it if he showed up, Chuck nodded a little, still a bit hesitant. Cassidy mirrored the movement, before nodding his head towards the locker room door, asking Chuck to follow him. Not that he didn’t know where the cafeteria was in the building, they had walked past it when they had entered earlier, but maybe his hesitance was on the surface enough that Cassidy thought taking the lead was going to make him regret this less. Make it easier for him.

Chuck followed Cassidy outside, tracking through the hallways for a moment before they arrived at their destination. It was extremely easy to spot the individual not belonging into the group of people in the big, bright, well-lit room, the man standing in the middle of it all by a large table messed up with multiple scattered photos around it, hands behind his suited back as he was observing the room through the eye holes poked on a box over his head.

Chuck swallowed thickly. It didn’t matter if he didn’t see his face, all that was enough for him to recognize him immediately, no matter how many months it had been since or how much things had changed between now and then.

He was so focused on reading the words on the front of the box that Chuck didn’t notice the eyes inside of it land on him. The distance made it a bit harder, sure, but the lights were bright enough and the dark circles surrounding the eyes made them pop for Cassidy to notice the stare at first, even if it wasn’t directed at him.

“Hey,” he muttered, carefully elbowing Chuck to the side to get his attention. “He sees you. I think you should at least go say hello.”

Blinking himself back to the situation, Chuck glanced at Cassidy on his side, the blond just shrugging at him a little. Maybe Chuck’s nervousness was obvious, maybe Cassidy quickly put two and two together from what Chuck had told him before about how their last meeting had ended, but he only sighed, once again leading the way towards the man in a suit and the box, Kip’s eyes never leaving Chuck as they approached. Chuck on the other hand tried to look at everything except him, until he was stopped to stand right in front of the other man he hadn’t seen in months until now.

Through the eye holes of the box Chuck could see his vacant stare just blankly staring back at him, saying it all without saying anything at the same time. Kip looked at him briefly, before providing a photo from the inside pocket of his suit jacket, pulling a marker seemingly out of nowhere along with it. He scribbled something quickly on the photo, handing it to Cassidy, and walked away without looking back or acknowledging either of them further.

Cassidy looked at the photo for a moment before handing it over to Chuck. It was an old promo picture of Kip, in his Superbad gear, with his face crossed over with a red marker and some messy text scribbled next to him.

‘Time changes us all. Embrace the change.’

#setting: hanahaki #fic #character: kip sabian #character: chuck taylor #character: orange cassidy #ship: chuckkip #fic: you wanna wish away your sins #aew fanfiction #wrestling fanfiction

[almondcup]

Identity and Truth in Alias Grace

Although I haven't finished reading this book yet, I felt I needed to put some notes down unless I forget and before I procrastinate.

All the same, Murderess is a strong word to have attached to you. It has a smell to it, that word - musky and oppressive, like dead flowers in a vase. Sometimes at night I whisper it over to myself: Murderess, Murderess. It rustles, like a taffeta skirt across the floor. Murderer is merely brutal. It’s like a hammer, or a lump of metal. I would rather be a murderess than a murderer, if those are the only choices.

In one of the most elegant, violent, poetic quotes in the novel, we find Grace trying to adopt a word for herself. Murderess is how she has been described, at the time of judgement, and throughout history. Here she tries to identify with it, and make it her own. It demonstrates her attempt at maintaining some limited control over her identity, and her perception of herself, when society has already assigned her one.

And I wonder, how can I be all of these different things at once?

The quote refers to Grace’s musings regarding the various descriptions of her transcribed in the papers. From conflicting descriptions of "inhuman demon" or "innocent victim", to even basic misconception of physical attributes such as green eyes or blue eyes. She struggles to keep pace with an image of herself which is beyond her, and which she does not see in herself.

You should ask the lawyers and the judges, and the newspaper men, they seem to know my story better than I do myself.

A lot of this difficulty in maintaining control over her own story is as a result of how her case was sensationalised in the newspapers. Grace’s story is one that everyone believes they know themselves, thoroughly, as if they were present. We see this even in modern cases today, and perhaps it is even exacerbated as a result of social media, where even those completely detached from the situation claim to know the ultimate truth from the comfort of their homes.

When others are vehemently confident that their opinion of you (and your case) is correct, you begin to question what you know of yourself.

And that’s what it was like at the trial, I was there in the box of the dock but I might as well have been made of cloth, and stuffed, with a china head; and I was shut up inside that doll of myself, and my true voice could not get out.

However it was not merely the media who sculpted Grace’s persona for the sake of judgement. The lawyers too told Grace what to say, and how to behave. In this case, the lawyers also sculpted Grace’s identity, either to paint her as a manipulator or as a mislead fool - both being extremes in order to convince others of her supreme darkness, or else light. Identity in the eyes of the court was a picture to paint, more than a given truth.

Now, many years in the future, we follow Grace recounting her story before Simon. In this instance, Grace has full control over her own portrayal, and as a reader we are reminded of this multiple times. She continuously shapes her own identity in his mind based on what she chooses to show or say.

But I don’t say this. I look at him stupidly. I have a good stupid look which I have practised.

Because he was so thoughtful to tell my story, and to make it as interesting as I can, and rich in incident, as a sort of return gift to him

But in Grace’s power, we also must understand that her portrayal may also be biased, according to how she wishes to portray herself. We must accept there is no singular known truth in retelling.

Today when I woke up there was a beautiful pink sunrise, with the mist lying over the fields like a white soft cloud of muslin, and the sun shining through the layers of it all blurred and rosy like a peach gently on fire. In fact I have no idea of what kind of a sunrise there was.

I wouldn't describe identity as inherently fragile, but it is certainly elastic. It can be moulded, sculpted, and stretched. It can transform into unrecognisable shapes when travelling from mind to mind, story to story. It is an adaptive thing, and an uncontrollable thing. It is not always possible to choose how we are presented to others, and even when we present ourselves we do not often do it honestly. The theme of identity is in the name of the book: Alias Grace. Identity can be an alias we assume. There are many of them, and we can choose which to adopt, but be frustrated by the ones that are given to us.

#literature #literary analysis #margaret atwood #alias grace #bookblr

[9w1ft]

I loved your answers about CP and folklore. Something I had to accept with the entire folklore/evermore concept, and really, a lot of what’s she’s done with the vault songs and even midnights, is she has leaned into her folklore and her fans’ views of her personal life and found a way for people to attach whatever fits their own thoughts about her personal life onto her songs. And because of that, there is no “right” answer to what they are about. In a way, we’re all both right and wrong at the same time. The way most of her work also doesn’t entirely fit her established public narrative is similar (why write divorce songs while with joe? Why write relationship songs while saying you’re not dating?) It’s a deep and artful approach to her work and in my opinion, necessary for her progress as an artist and a person. It’s fun to have two or three very different interpretations to a song’s meaning and just sit with that, and not have to choose one definitively. It’s fun to have friends you can discuss the meaning with, even if you don’t agree on the best interpretation. And it’s also fun to know that you might get more information later to help you decide which interpretation might be the most true. It’s way more interesting than simply writing a song that fits everything. Some of the vault songs are very clearly fan service, and other than the initial “ah ha! This is about X!” they really are not very interesting songs (one reason why they were left in the vault.) They add to her folklore, but are forgettable as art. But when her folklore is her art, it’s still fun.

Just as an example, you and I have had many discussions about her song meanings and we definitely don’t always agree (happiness, it’s time to go, CP) Sometimes one of us convinces the other (Maroon, labyrinth), but that’s not what’s important. What’s fun is the process. It’s why people compare her work to literature. To borrow a popular meme about symbolism in literature, people can write an entire thesis about the meaning of the blue curtains but in reality we’ll never know if the author actually meant anything deep about the curtains. But the point is the intellectual exercise, not the right answer.

Art is amazing like that.

i think i keep the majority of my wild song ideas to myself or maybe share them one on one with like minded people who will tolerate me 😂 so thank you for this 🫶 means a lot coming from you.

another thing i love is how thoughts on songs can evolve over time. like sometimes i’ll have had one idea about a song for years and then suddenly a switch will flip and i’ll see it in a different way and never be able to listen to it the same!

and one thing i do like about tumblr as a system, which i think actually you mentioned to me before, is that by and large it’s set up to be less about debate (it’s set up that way) and more about the journey of collecting favorite ideas and sharing stuff for others to collect. like.. a post sinks or swims over time based just on how many people resonate, but if things don’t resonate it’s usually just on to the next thing. by contrast i think some social media holds each statement up for immediate judgment and people rush to agree or refute each thing they read. and so people might write things in a way that avoids or elicits a certain response, instead of just writing what they wanted to write. in this way i think that tumblr (at its best) can be a great way to engage with her art in a fun way. at the very least, not everything becomes a federal case.

[thearcher1003]

how did you know you were aro?

I don't know what I am gonna type out here or even if it will make sense. A lot has happened in the last 3 years since the time I started to question my sexuality. I will try to put it into words and keep it short (I did not in fact keep it short and I am sorry for that but you don't have to read through this messy story).

So first, my exposure to queer media. During lockdown I started reading Percy Jackson books where they mentioned the hunters of Artemis, one of the conditions to join them is that you have to take an oath to turn your back on company of men and any kind of romantic approach from any gender or sexuality. I found that idea interesting and I thought to myself how hard could that be, if that's the condition I would happily join them in an instant? When scrolling through some posts about hunters of Artemis I came across the term aro/ace. At that time I didn't think much of it. I never had a crush on anyone and I always thought it was because I was too young to be interested in romance (I was 14 at the time) and assumed that everyone my age was like that, note that it was lockdown so I wasn't going to school which is why I didn't know about the crushes and romantic interests of kids my age. So, the whole lockdown was the time when I became very interested in the queer community, I saw several posts on pinterest regarding this and made a board and thought of myself as merely an ally.

Then schools opened and there were couples all around. I was like gotta focus on studies, don't have time for this, blah blah blah. Also, that year a lot of other shit happened and the pressure of exams and getting good grades was taking toll on my mental health. I was too busy breaking down every other day because of that pressure to think about anything else.

Anyways that shit passed, I was in 11th grade and then came the real sexuality crisis. Some new students transferred to our school and one of them became really close friend. She got a boyfriend and started spending more time with him (which is bound to happen I know now but past me was experiencing it all for the first time) and I felt left out because now we were spending less time together and even when we were together she mostly talked about him. Tbh I was jealous and I thought this was a crush. I thought I liked her (romantically) and I thought a lot about the whole "turn your back on company of men" and came to the conclusion that I am not interested in men still and not even women but just her. That's when I also learnt about demiromanticism and it did click a lot of things in place for me. Like I always thought that the idea of love at first sight was unrealistic when it was shown in movies and questioned how can you fall in love without knowing a person properly and also believed that you need to be really close to a person to actually know them, so overall that term resonated with me. I knew I was asexual but at this point I started to dive more into the concept of aromanticism and the whole spectrum. I was convinced that I had a crush on her. Again a lot of shit happened and I realised that it wasn't a crush, my feelings weren't romantic, it was purely platonic and I was jealous because I became very close with her and suddenly the focus of our friendship shifted from us to him, I was very emotionally attached to her as well because I haven't had a friendship like that in a long time so when she became entirely focused on her boyfriend, I felt like an outsider. It took me a whole ass year to figure this out. And in between that time I gaslighted myself into thinking that I had a crush on this another guy because she asked me if I did and I thought this is what a crush must feel like so I said yes. But as I talked more to that guy, I just, idk how to describe it but it was not exactly comfortable for me, as long as we were having a normal convo about our interests I was fine and actually talked happily but when he started to flirt and I imagined myself in a romantic relationship with him, it felt weird to me, it was not something I wanted, it was just ugh. Anyways, what I realised from that time with that guy is that what I thought was romantic attraction was just me being excited to interact with a human being who was actually interested in me and gave attention to me (you can blame my childhood for that). I also kind of realised that it was how I felt about my friend. But it was more difficult for me to distinguish between romantic attraction and a wish to have a close friendship in her case because I was already emotionally attached to her. End of the story, a series of very chaotic events and break downs lead to me realising that I only wanted her as a close friend, I couldn't imagine myself in a romantic relationship with her and I was only bothered by her having a boyfriend because it momentarily threatened the close bond that we had formed. Now, everything is fine (more or less), there is more clarity between us and we are still very close. During this mess I also questioned if I was poly but I figured I am not. There's more to this crisis but I have already written a LOT so not going into the chaotic details. Sorry for making it so long.

(Edit: One more thing I realised about myself is that I was always so unaware about the supposedly romantic interactions of allos around me unless it was really obvious, blatant or put right into my face. Like even when my best friend and her boyfriend were in the flirting stage I didn't realise they were actually flirting, I just thought they were close friends and that was pretty normal thing for friends to do, so, yeah this realisation had a great hand in me figuring out I am aro. Thinking of romance in other people's life is fine but when it comes to me I find it hard) So sorry for making the post even lengthier :/

[the-fiction-witch]

In The Box

Media IRL

Character Thomas Brodie Sangster

Couple Thomas X Reader

Rating Smuty

Concept Shipping

Smut Non-Concetual / Purchasing / sex toys / controlled / restrains

I sat huddled away from the cage bars trying my best to keep myself hidden. I often saw people coming and going passing my cage but none stayed long. Any who did try I made a point to growl at them or try to bite them to frighten them away and it had always worked. Until him.

He came to my cage, the owner beside him, eagerly looking into my cage. He had blonde hair and a Thin body well dressed like many of those others who had come by. He was looking at me so I growled and tried to bite to threaten him but he only smirked. He curled his finger invitingly suggesting for me to come closer but I ignored him and even turned further away.

"Come on now" the owner demanded pulling on the chain around my neck and forcing me to come forward even if I argued until I reached the bars and his smirking face

"Hi"

I didn't answer

"Hummm your beautiful" he Cooes moving his hand in the bars to stroke my body but I tried to fight him off

"leave Me alone!" I screamed 

"Behave!" The owner demanded

"What's your name sweetheart?"

"Y/n"

"Y/n? That's a very pretty name." He Cooes "that one." He smirked to the owner before he wandered off

I tried to fight, to argue to scream but there was little I could do I was forced from my cage and brought into a separate room where this man was already waiting they forced me into a boiling shower that rained down both soap and water giving my whole body a deep clean, once I was clean and try I was forced out again and brought before him

"Definitely. Get her packed before I just take her now" he smirked slapping my ass

The first thing they did was cuff my hands behind my back, then put a gag in my mouth leaving me unable to make any sounds but gurgles and whines next came the tape it was wrapped around my neck and around my ankles giving me no choice and no control, next they attached small clips with vibrstors to my nipples and then did a round of tape around my breasts and over my nipples over my arms too so I had even less movement next they pushed a well sculpted dildo inside my pussy as deep as it could go, then a magic wand pressed against my clit and taped to my thighs another round of tape around my thighs giving me even less movement, then a butt plug inside my ass with a number my number written on the end then they taped from the small of my back under me and over my stomach keeping everything in place they forced me into a padded box much like a coffin or casket and this man came again and gave my nose a kiss "see you soon sweetheart" he smirked before they added the lid of the box locking it shut for a while there was nothing and then the hellish torture began as everything began to slowly vibrate on me giving me no escape from the utter pleasure and the box began to move, at times the rate or pattern would change meaning he had control and was purposely torturing me as the box was moved around at times I was freezing other times I was boiling and the whole time I was screaming and struggling as orgasm after orgasm rushed though me leaving me utterly exaughted and unable to fight and argue, it had been days since the box was sealed and honestly I was convinced I was going to slip into sleep and never wake up but I was hoping and praying that sometime soon the box would open. 

I felt a sudden drop almost enough to break the box, and I heard someone talking. I had been hearing people at various points and always I tried to make myself known as much as possible but never anyone paid attention, I felt the box be stood up and moved before then being set down again. I heard someone tinkering with the box and soon enough the lid was opened to reveal, Him again. In a button-down and some jeans eagerly smiling at me 

"Hello sweetheart, did you have a nice trip?" He cooes 

I tried to fight and argue but I had no way to stop him as he lifted me out of the box and carried me up a flight of stairs to a large impressive bedroom he set me down on the floor and smiled giving my head a kiss and then I saw it in the corner of this large bedroom was this huge pink cage with sheer curtains laid over it, with a full single mattress in the bottom with blankets and fluffy pillows enough open space at the bottom of the cage with a food bowl and a water bottle I tried to fight immediately but he only smirked 

"what's the matter? I thought I'd made you a nice little bed? it won't be for forever sweetheart just till you're comfortable with the house and you've been trained up a little" he cooes "Go on, once you're in I'll let you out of all this" He says 

I rolled my eyes but allowed him to release my legs so I could move into the cage laying on the comfy bed he locked the door of the cage and helped to cut the tape from my body slowly until at last I was released completely and he put all the toys away giving me some quick resbit I quickly ate and drank as I was desperate for both 

"You get some rest sweetheart. I'll come and check on you a little" He cooes blowing me a kiss and heading off out the room. 

#thomas sangster #thomasbrodiesangster #tbs imagine #tbs smut #thomas sangster imagine #thomas brodie sangster #tbs imagines #tbs #thomas brodie sangster imagine #thomas brodie sangster smut

[problemama]

TW: CSA mention, Proshipping topics

My experience as a "proship" minor.

You know, when I was a 10 year old and first made an account on MySpace behind my parents back, I did so with this understanding that I was ultimately entering a space that was not made with my needs in mind.

By this point in my life I already had my experience with csa (long before I had any internet access) so I already had my own guard up and it's kinda bizarre to see how so many minors today just have... ZERO idea how to navigate the internet with the same saftey that i had figured out at 10. I think its because adults to bother teaching them how anymore. Back then, I was encouraged to never give out my real name or age to people, and while I could make friends with people online, I should still approach every relationship with caution and awareness. People can lie about their own age and intentions, liberal use of blocking was very much my best tool for personal safety.

However, I was also a pretty troubled kid as far as sexuality goes... my family wasn't exactly open to talking about any sexual topics with me after my assault. They would honestly rather I repressed it. Not exactly a healthy solution. It pushed me to actively seek out nsfw content online but seeing real people engage in it made me super uncomfortable and going onto porn sites made me feel unsafe. You know what didn't do that? Fiction. Art and Writing. Fiction with characters I was attached to and knew about.

This ultimately meant a lot of characters that were my age. And it was mainly cartoon characters. Your Kim Possibles, Jenny Wakemens and the sort. Kim/Shego shipping was a HUGE help for comic to terms with my identity as a lesbian and yeah, it's likely got a significant age gap to it that people today would consider "proship" (the term didn't really exist back then) I can't overstate how glad I am that people weren't so vocal about shaming those kinds of ships at the time because it was legitimately my own sexual outlet. I didn't have the experience to write a good sex scene myself so reading about it in comics and fics was the next best thing, otherwise I worry I mightve put myself in ACTUAL danger by pursuing the experience irl.

I think we forget the ultimate use of fiction as a tool for exploring both ourselves and the world in the safest way. We are drawn to dark fictional content like murder and horror for the same reasons another person might be drawn to sex and the taboo and trying so hard to repress those will just harm the people who benefit from it. (I.e. the 10 year old abuse survivor in need of an outlet)

I do mean it when I say I sympathize with antis/anti-proship folk. Their end goal is just to encourage safer spaces for minors online, but that's not something you get through full on censorship and policing adult spaces and social media. It's by spreading awareness. Teaching them the warning signs of a predator, telling them to make an alias and avoid private dms with adults/people you don't know, watch for adults who overstep their boundaries and address it when you see it. Proship people should also be doubly-aware of how those in their own circle behave, as much as you might hate it- minors WILL find their way in and they could be some of the most vulnerable people. If I had it my way, it would be mandatory lesson in grade school but sadly, it's not.

I won't expect to convince anyone that they're approaching the issue wrong but I hope you can keep this one perspective in mind at the very least.

#pro fiction #profic #proship #proshipping #discourse #heads up im not going to respond to any replies or reblogs on these diacouse posts #just putting the points out there and leaving them #csa mention #fandom #anti proship #antiship #blah blah

[salt-volk]

I just wanna pop in abt the whole comparing my design to a zafara thing.

So, first off- I'm not angry at anyone for making the comparison. I generally don't mind too much if someone makes an offhanded mention that something I drew reminds them of something- especially if its kept to a one-time comment. What really began bothering me, however, is that whenever I brought up the design it would immediately be met with "its a zafara!". No it isn't. Stating "It's a zafara" is putting down a fact that is straight up untrue and I have never stated that I was inspired by neopets. (I don't... Even like zafaras lmao.)  The occasional "Oh i like it, it reminds me of x" is very different and generally bothers me less- but because people go "it IS a zafara" it causes other people to start agreeing as if that's fact. And then instead of one person making a little comment it's multiple people convincing eachother that the design is something it isn't.

I, as the artist, get a bit annoyed at this comparison because I personally barely see it. It feels like an immense stretch to me and I've concluded with friends that at best its the tail and the pose the design is in, because that pose seems to be common amongst art of Zafara's.  I made a little visual while i was frustrated for my personal relief that I'd like to share.

(https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/946953656794742814/1051703093865226351/image.png)

I don't see much similarity between them. The bodyshape differs entirely if you actually look at it, the legs do not match in shape or style at all- one being clearly plantigrade and the other built to be digitigrade, the ears are very different, and the head shape is entirely uncomparable. It's a very humanoid bodyplan versus the zafara kangaroo-like bodyplan. At best, the poses and the tail shape is the most similar. On top of that, this is a design that's heavily simplified from it's full art so that it fits dappervolk's style for humanoid-ish pets. I've shared the full art nearly every time I've mentioned this pet, but no one acknowledges that when calling the chibi'd design a zafara. It makes it feel like willfully ignoring the fact that there is additional art that shows it really isn't. I know people aren't doing that, because no one means this maliciously, but that is the feeling that comes across.

Also I didn't state that it looks like stitch- but that its stitch-like,  in the sense that its a weird alien critter with big eyes, ears, and a funny mouth. (The rest of the reasoning for why its stitch-like is because of the lore behind the design, which i didn't talk about because i didn't want to loredump out of the blue. That's just a funny coincidence i realised when stitch was brought up and seeing as I brought it up myself it is very different from someone else assuming something.)

I know a lot of people think that comparing art to other media is flattering or not a big deal, but its important to be mindful of how often you do it. The more you compare an artist's work to something else, the more you're basically saying "someone already did this and you copied them". It says "You're not creative enough to come up with your own concepts". You can keep your happy revelation that it reminds you of something you like to yourself- that's a you thing! That's a thing that makes you happy- but that does not mean that it also makes the artist happy. 

Other than that thanks folks for pointing out my name is not from neopets its a curse i've had to bear for over half a decade and voltron anons PLEASE WHY ARE YOU CURSING ME AGAIN WITH THIS WAS ONCE NOT ENOUGH (joke)

#submission #ske1th #mod yoshi #customs

[donnerpartyofone]

Hotness is so weird. It's like the Most Important Thing for so many people whether they can even admit it or not, to themselves or others. People will seriously hurt themselves to achieve and maintain it, and for some it's a whole artform, a matter of self-expression. But when you look right at it, it seems so meaningless--not in the "looks shouldn't matter" way, but in the way that it is tethered to our most primal bodily systems. From the time I was little, I hated the way I looked; it wasn't just that I didn't feel pretty, but for instance, I wanted high sculpted cheekbones like Superman and Batman had, and I would try to devise ways of strapping my baby fat back so my 6 year old girl skull would stand out more. When I was becoming a teenager, when looks matter more than ever, I complained endlessly about my appearance, and one day my father remarked that attractiveness is just a marker of reproductive viability, and for some reason that shut me up even though I was still on the losing end of something. I thought, "Well, at least there's a reason why everything is like this." Of course my dad wasn't taking into account that I still felt bad about myself, or the fact that social trends in what is considered beautiful are mercurial and not directly related to actual health or fertility or "good genes", they are swayed by other factors. Most people may not ever admit what those factors are, not even in academia; I once took an art history class that was centered on body representation, and when the professor asked us to provide examples of where we find expressions of beauty standards, I said "pornography" and everybody gave me this look like I was totally insane. But why? Don't they have any idea how much money is in the global porn industry? Meaning that visual sexiness is a major economic asset, internationally? Meaning MANY PEOPLE agree with me. Just because it is bad taste to talk about porn, just because the porn industry is Problematic, and just because all porn stars are not equal, doesn't mean that adult entertainment cannot express contemporary beauty standards in a meaningful way. In the early 00s I read an article about how GPs and dermatologists were treating an escalating number of folliculitis cases across genders and age groups all because porn has everyone convinced that you need to be totally hairless or else you'll be shamed out of the bedroom. Obviously people are paying attention, and we don't get a whole lot of information about bush management from non-pornographic media. In any case, across media and across demographics there is a crazy amount of reverence for physical attractiveness, a crazy amount of pressure to get it and keep it, and yet, back past all the mercurial fashion trends and fetishes and everything, the deepest root of hotness is attached to reproduction--something not all of us are even interested in consciously. You can be visually, physically attracted to someone who cannot impregnate your or bear your child, and in fact you can be repulsed by the whole notion of parenthood, but your endocrine system doesn't know that. Your reptile brain doesn't know that. You're stuck with this impulse that gives you outsized reactions to people's appearances, that gives you all these sensations from darkness to coolness to mystery and beyond, but in the end it's all just salt of the earth baby shit. It's primitive, unmysterious, unromantic, and in no way connected to anything artistic, intellectual, or personal. It's fucking weird and I will always have a hard time with it.

[funkymbtifiction]

efj anon here! i read through your blog and i think esfj is the best fit. even though i relate a lot to se, i relate to ne as well. i guess i do use ne over ni, since i go back and forth on whether to move toward certain people or permanently stay away, and ni would probably stay away from its first negative impression. esfj sounds about right.

If you care to look through the character tags, you will notice a common trait of ENFJs being extremely single-minded in their opinions of other characters in the film -- because they tend to leap to a conclusion (either substantiated or not) and park there. The benefit of high Ni is single-mindedness; the downfall is narrow-mindedness in terms of challenging their own assumptions (this is less of a problem in more mature ENFJs than immature ENFJs for obvious reasons -- mature ones know their first assumption is not always correct).

for my enneagram, i think i’m probably a 2 or a 9.

I would put 6 in the running. Ping-ponging back and forth between making a decision (I don't want any more to do with this person) and then second-guessing it and changing your mind (I will give them one more chance) is very common in 6w7s, especially of the 692 tritype (which IMO is the one you are sporting in some order). 6w7s with 9 fixes make decisions and then second guess them, arguing themselves into giving people more chances and the benefit of the doubt, never trusting their negative assumptions about people (I should give them another chance/not think about them negatively; I am always aware of their flaws, but also quite convinced they don't mean to be a jerk to me!). 2 of course adds another dose of super-ego thinking (it's not right for me to have needs or to judge the people I care about in a negative light; that's not being a good and supportive and selfless friend!!).

for 9, i really want inner stability and fear separation from others. i don’t suppress my anger though and can readily show it to others, though i can feel guilty about it afterwards. i prefer to keep my emotions to myself and struggle with passivity, both in my career and with people. it’s only when i’m close to someone that i feel i can voice my opinions and be more combative. i seek outer stimulation that brings comfort, like obsessing over one specific show or listening to softer, mellower songs to soothe my anxiety. i also tend to disappear from others and isolate when i’m in a crisis. i don’t want others to see me that way, so i assure them i’m okay while dealing with it myself alone.

Hmm. I know an ESFJ 9 and while she is direct in immediately addressing things when she gets upset, she is also very passive and doesn't argue with her husband/those closest to her, because she doesn't want any argument on her side to cause separation/loss of attachment. I would dig into WHY you fear separation from others. Being withdrawn and separating from others in a crisis is 9ish, tho. Why are you doing that? What is your motive for doing it? Is it the FJ assumption that you ought not to trouble others with your troubles, that you need to remain upbeat for them all the time? Or is it that you feel overwhelmed by what's happening and can't make room for them right now until things calm down?

for 2, i relate to the fear of being unlovable or unwanted. i’ll stay in contact with people i’m not even that close to anymore and do things for them just to feel like i’m needed. it sucks when i don’t get that reciprocity or get the feeling that i’m dispensable. this part in your blog, “A 2 may supplement their emotional life through romance novels, romantic comedies, or Hallmark movies, anything where two people find each other and fall in love” really hit home because i seek these in media when i lack romance in my life. i can also be very conscious of my image and how i can appeal to others better. i don’t want others to think i need them though since that makes me seem vulnerable.

Could be either one, to be frank. You may need to dig deeper into what rejection means for the 2 (rejecting my need, or the belief that I need others, while assuming I am super important and vital to their well-being -- that I am needed) and compare it to the 9, but the bottom line is this -- you are on a plane. Someone does not speak the same language as the stewardess and is having trouble making the stewardess understand their confusion about their seats. You happen to speak their language. Do you help or not?

The 2 immediately helps. The 9 assumes the stewardess will take care of it, since that's her job and she deals with this stuff a lot.

#question #mbti #enneagram

[selfconcept]

Everyone says me improve self concept, living the end and persist my assumption but, the problem i never gotten results at the first subliminal, ive tried several boosters visualizing, solar subs guide, flush, avoid the mirror, limiting beliefs removers LOA techniques, i tried many months proving techniques to manifest subliminal results and didn't work even avoiding 3d and say nothing opposite, i ve discussing many coaches and social media but i have never be clear those kind of law of assumption, i would like physical changes(warrior skull, young Johnny depp carbon copy, musculous body pale skin) but, it never ends when my family wants me to see me normal and didn't notice my subliminal changes, i dont want discuss my family about, but its time i want physical changes and be a different person to get impression at myself and others, but im enough that people said me keep listening (listen reliable channels, drink water listen while sleep visualize and listen to 6 months) but it doesnt work anything and obviusly im avoiding the mirror act as if already getting results and mental diet, what can i do to get my physical changes like i desire? Im enough waiting even years to get simple physical, doesnt it supposed its so simple? Or Am i wrong? I Can't never give up with those kind things that can change my Life? Advice me please, thanks

I don’t know how did you feel the first time you used LOA methods to manifest physical changes, so I can’t tell you if you did something “wrong” the first times, but I can imagine how you feel right know. You feel like all you did never worked, and now you are trying so many methods because you say “maybe this one will work”, and this is the feeling that just a person that doesn’t already have their dream body can feel.

When manifesting, you don’t have to worry about the how and WHEN. But if you desperately think about the fact that you don’t see results every day it will never work because your subconscious is still thinking “damn my body is not like I want it to be”. You said that you are avoiding mirror and that’s okay, but you do it thinking “I have to avoid mirror because if not I will see my actual body which I don’t like” so you are affirming that you don’t have your desired face/body.

You have to simply let go. Don’t use a thousand of methods, you already did what you had to. Now you have to REALLY convince yourself that manifestation is done, don’t care about the “when” and forget about it. The moment you are not attached to this desire anymore is the moment it will manifest.

Stay faithful

[hopeymchope]

From Michael Jackson to J.K. Rowling and Activision: Handling shitty creators and companies

This is going to be a long-winded bit of text considering how/whether I choose to stand up against problematic creators/content, how other people say it should be done, and basically providing warning that these issues aren’t so black and white as you might think. 

So, y’know. You can probably skip this if you’re just here to think about or see Danganronpa art and theories and fanfic and all that. :P 

Since Michael Jackson wound up inspiring this post, I’ll open with him.

I was hearing his music in my parents’ rotation long before I ever knew he was accused of some despicable shit, y’know? So I got hooked on that stuff before I had a reason to be (potentially?) disgusted. And when I got old enough to be aware of those accusations, I couldn’t get a good personal gauge on whether I believed him guilty of what he was accused. Pre-2019, I felt there were reasons to both believe and disbelieve the whole thing, so I just chose not to have any opinion on the matter. Which I guess is easier to do once you’ve already gotten attached to the music, right? Nobody wants to abandon something they’ve long enjoyed.

I specified “pre-2019″ because 2019 is when Leaving Neverland came around. I’ve admittedly never watched that documentary — the one that convinced many people of his guilt posthumously. And that’s probably chickenshit of me. It probably sounds like I’m just wimping out and burying my head in the sand. But shit, life is so full of despair and misery, and like I said: It’s hard to WANT to abandon something you’ve always taken pleasure from. I got old enough to where I decided to just... stop following every detail of every negative development around the things I enjoy. I’d rather hold onto some modicum of escapist pleasure than constantly have those works make me think about shitty, shitty people and their poor, forever-tormented victims. Is that selfish of me? ......... Uh, probably! If I’m going to keep on consuming that music, do I then owe it to society to fully immerse myself in every terrible thing that may be linked to it so I can be 100% informed of any implicit undercurrents? .... I’d say “obviously not,” but there are definitely those who’ve argued the opposite. 

In truth, so many people involved in so many creative works turn out to be sketch-ass fucks. I suppose that’s a natural consequence of how many people it takes to get a book published (tens), or to make an album (hundreds), or to complete a movie/video game (thousands). At a certain point, if you’re going to consume all your media responsibly so that you never watch or hear or see anything that was made by anybody problematic and so you never financially support bad behavior... well, fuck, you might as well give up the entire video game industry, then. And all movies. Because look at those corporations and their bullshit! Look at those thousands of people involved, which almost definitely includes some very bad individuals!

But I can still defy these things in small ways. If I know for a fact that there’s accusations/hard evidence out there against someone or something, I can at least avoid giving them my money directly. I no longer see movies at Cinemark theaters ever since the head of the company decided to start putting money towards supporting Trumpist and QAnon conspiracy theories. I haven’t given any money to Michael Jackson’s estate in a very long time; I can get that music through plenty of other channels than directly buying it. 

And if I know a game company is definitely being awful to its workers or has a culture of sexism and harassment? The bare minimum I can do is refuse to give them any direct money and just buy physical copies used so that they don’t get a cent of my cash trickled back to them. So, y’know — no direct purchases of anything published by UbiSoft or Activision. Clearly. 

All of the above applies to Harry Potter media at this point — I’m going to do what it takes to avoid giving it any more direct cash, but I’m not going to totally abandon the whole universe either. And to many people, that means I’m a bad member of the LGBTQ+ or a bad ally for trans rights or WHATEVER. But let’s not forget that virtually every talent involved with the series beyond Rowling has spoken out AGAINST her and FOR trans rights — all the actors from the films, the developers of the Hogwart’s Legacy game, and so on. So... do we boycott something that might give money to Rowling if it’ll ALSO give money to all these evident allies, then? Am I wrong to avoid giving money to this franchise if that means I’m denying money to all of THOSE people? For that matter: Is it bad that I’m going out of my way to NOT financially supporting the dev teams at Activision who are getting victimized by management? And... I don’t know. It’s tough.

Besides, You-Know-Who created a story that....... well, let’s just put this right here.

YEAH. The message is right there. It’s baked in. For fuck’s sake, Harry was even forced to live in a CLOSET. It’s too bad the author can’t even fucking see how perfectly her own stories apply to the trans experience. Fuck you, JKR. *sigh*

As I already referenced, LOADS of people would argue (and have argued) that all of the above people and companies should be 100% boycotted, and anything less makes you a person who is failing at promoting equality — a bad person. I don’t think it’s so black-and-white as all that, though. As I said: Who wants to give up things we enjoy in this miserable world? And for that matter, who wants to abandon all the innocent people in a company pipeline who are being diminished and/or abused by the powerful few? Ultimately, what’s the best way to deal with these kind of issues? Fuck if I know. 

We can all only do what’s right for us, and what feels like it’s the best/kindest thing overall.

#controversial #long post #j.k. rowling #michael jackson #ubisoft #activision #problematic #harry potter #oof

[zurrielle]

A New Perspective

When I was younger, I always thought that I must consume every single possible thing in the world to be deemed secure when someone asks me about something. In turn, I had always thought that I must also share a lot about myself as I believed that others should also share the belief I had. As I grew up and gained more experiences, this thought process became more situational as I realized, over time, the unreliability of people.

With the discussion about privacy and security concepts during one of my college courses, it reminded me of my way of thinking in the past. People often do not take this aspect of technology seriously. Most of the time, they think that data privacy involves only explicit material wherein sexual content is involved. Compared to other generations where their privacy concerns are rooted to traditional cybercrimes such as identity and credit card theft, Generation Z (Gen Z), are more concerned about the exposure of compromising photos or videos (Ruiz, 2023).

Although Gen Z are more cautious with their data because of classes about data privacy that are now being implemented in schools, they are nevertheless open to sharing it and giving up some privacy in return for better online experiences. Compared to 67% of older persons, 88% of Gen Z were willing to share some personal information with a social network firm. Additionally, Gen Z are more receptive to the social media business model that involves selling user data and adverts. Following the COVID-19 outbreak, only 6% of Gen Z expressed more of an issue with the business model of social media companies compared to before, and 24% admitted to being more attached to social media even after being exposed to more mainstream debate of data privacy concerns (DeBrusk & Kreacic, 2023).

While their concerns are not invalid, it disregards basic sensitive data about themselves, such as their names, address, and contact information; that could potentially be used for detrimental, criminal activities. This highlights the need for a new perspective for the newer generation on how data privacy and security should be viewed.

There are many ways a person, no matter what generation, can be able to value data privacy and keeping it secure. No matter how small these practices are, they produce a noteworthy outcome when it comes to keeping oneself secure. According to Terranova Security (2024), they are the following:

Identifying what is considered to be personal information

Personal information is any information that can be used independently or with other information to identify an individual. This umbrella encompasses: Name, address, and date of birth; passport or driver’s license number; medical, criminal, or financial history; ethnic or racial origins; IP address, if it can be traced to an individual; and DNA, fingerprints, and voiceprints. It is imperative that the aforementioned categories should only be shared when it is an absolute necessity and only when the recipient is trustworthy.

2. Learning about phishing, smishing, and vishing

Phishing is a fraudulent attempt to obtain sensitive information such as passwords, credit card details, or social security numbers by disguising oneself as a trustworthy entity in an email, text message, or phone call. While phishing is the term commonly used for attacks through email, smishing is an attack done in SMS or messaging apps, while vishing is done through voice calls or voice messages. The following can be done to prevent being a victim of these attacks: - Phishing: Recognizing suspicious emails, websites, and attachments is vital. Learn red flags like generic greetings, misspelled URLs, and urgent requests for information. - Smishing: Unexpected texts asking for personal information or containing urgent links should be avoided. Check them out immediately with the sender over a reliable channel. - Vishing: Not sharing sensitive information over unsolicited phone calls, even if the caller sounds convincing. Verify their identity through known contact numbers that you can look up to in official sites of the company.

4. Limiting public Wi-Fi use

It could be convenient to shop online or log in to social networks using public Wi-Fi while making impulsive or last-minute purchases and posts. However, since hackers can snoop on data transferred via the network, it can still put information at risk. A person's address, payment card and account details should not be sent over public Wi-Fi. If one must browse online but are using a public Wi-Fi access point, considering using a Virtual Private Network (VPN) to further secure their data is a good option to make.

While the road to giving importance to data privacy and security is still a long one, it is a great choice to spread the word like gospel as the world marches forward towards further technological advancement. We must highlight the need to be wary and cautious of sharing our data by ensuring if we trust a platform or organization, while being constantly vigilant of possible attacks. Moreover, calling out bad practices can not only supplement the progression and improvement of data privacy and security implementation for organizations, but to the community as well.

References

DeBrusk, C. & Kreacic, A. (2023). How Gen Z Uses Social Media Is Causing A Data Privacy Paradox. Oliver Wyman Forum. https://www.oliverwymanforum.com/gen-z/2023/aug/how-gen-z-uses-social-media-is-causing-a-data-privacy-paradox.html

Ruiz, D. (2023). What Gen Z really cares about when it comes to privacy | Malwarebytes. Malwarebytes. https://www.malwarebytes.com/blog/personal/2023/11/what-gen-z-really-cares-about-when-it-comes-to-privacy

Terranova Security. (2024, January 23). Data Privacy Week 2024: 6 Best Practices for Your End Users. Terranovasecurity.com. https://terranovasecurity.com/blog/6-data-privacy-best-practices/

‌

#data privacy #entry

[storiesforallfandoms]

comparisons ~ machine gun kelly

word count: 2195

request?: yes!

“Can I get a Colson Baker one where you’re dating after him and Megan where you get a bunch of hate and they both defend you against the hate please”

description: when her boyfriend’s ex is one of the most beautiful actresses of this generation, she finds herself being constantly compared to her and receiving hateful messages

pairing: machine gun kelly x female!reader

warnings: swearing, hate messages, insecurities

masterlist (one, two)

There was some sort of assumption that when you start dating someone, you immediately hate their ex. That could not be further from the truth for me and Colson. In fact, Colson’s ex-girlfriend introduced us shortly after their break up, and had constantly pushed for the two of us to get together.

Megan was basically the backbone in our friendship. She pushed me to pursue my dreams in acting (as well as helped you with that since she was so much more famous than you were when you started), then she pushed me to start auditioning for bigger roles. The moment she introduced me to Colson, I knew exactly what was coming next.

“That’s weird, Meg,” I had told her. “Isn’t there, like, a girl code about dating your best friend’s ex?”

“I’m literally shoving you onto him,” she had responded. “I think you’re fine with the girl code.”

A few months after meeting, I finally caved and asked Colson out on a date. Six months later, I was still thanking Megan for giving me that push.

Shortly after making our relationship public, however, the happiness slowly came to a stop. For me, anyways. Colson, bless his heart, was blissfully ignorant to the comments his fanbase started to send me.

“yikes, he really downgraded huh?”

“how do you go from megan fox to...that?”

“guess mgk couldn’t keep up his streak of hot girlfriends”

Hate comes with fame, I knew that. I had my fair share of hate comments ever since the start. It was easy to ignore them when they were just a handful of hate comments here and there, but this was different. This was a bombardment of hate that was so heavy I could barley go online.

Colson was oblivious for a while, until he found out I had deleted all my social media accounts.

“Did you delete your Instagram babe?” he asked the minute he got home the day I had done it.

“Yeah,” I responded, nonchalantly. “I deleted all my social media.”

“Why?”

I shrugged. “I just thought it’d be better for me mentally. They say being so attached to social media is bad for you or whatever.”

“But you weren’t even addicted to social media. You just liked sharing your memories - our memories.”

I shrugged again and turned back to my cooking. I wasn’t about to tell him his fans drove me off the internet. He loved his fans, I couldn’t fuck that up for him, even if what they were saying hurt me so much.

My back was to him as I cooked, so he couldn’t see my reaction when he asked, “Is it because people were comparing you to Megan?”

I froze completely. I could feel his eyes staring into the back of my head, but I just couldn’t convince myself to turn around to face him. I knew that if I did, I’d crack. I had gone too long pretending everything was okay, keeping this secret from Colson, to finally let it slip now. I just had to throw him off of his thought process.

“Where did you get that idea?” I asked, trying to keep my voice light.

He was next to me suddenly, holding his phone up so I could see it. On the screen was a picture of me at a red carpet just below a headline that read “(Y/F/N) deletes social media accounts amid hateful comments from boyfriend Machine Gun Kelly’s fans”.

I sighed in frustration. Of course the tabloid vultures had already written articles about it. I had only done it a few hours earlier, but they always had to be the first ones to write another story about me.

“I didn’t even know I was getting hate,” I said, trying to keep up the lie even though it was pretty obvious I had been found out. “I just decided to delete my accounts, it must be a coincidence.”

“Really? Because this article says you were receiving so much hate that you couldn’t even go into the comments on your pictures or replies on your tweets without seeing a mass amount of hate from my fans.”

I turned off the stove and turned around suddenly, abandoning my cooking completely as I quickly walked out of the kitchen and towards mine and Colson’s room. I felt a lump forming in my throat, and the last thing I wanted was for Colson to see me cry.

I wasn’t shocked to hear his footsteps coming after me. I forgot how much longer his legs were than mine, so it didn’t take long for him to catch up with me and stop me before I could get too far away. He took hold of my arm and turned me around to look at him. The moment my eyes landed on his face, it felt like someone had finally broke the dam holding back my tears.

Colson pulled me in for a hug and held me tightly as I sobbed into his chest. Every ounce of overwhelming feelings I had been bottling up for months was finally starting to come out, and I realized it was long overdue when I eventually began to grow tired from my crying.

I felt Colson pick me up and bring me to his bed. My eyes were starting to grow heavy despite how much I was fighting against them to stay awake. The minute my head hit the pillow, I was out like a light.

I wasn’t sure how long I was asleep, but it was obvious I had needed that rest, because when I woke up again I felt more well rested than I had in a long time.

I opened my eyes to find myself facing the window, which helped me to pinpoint that it was now nighttime as the sky was pitch black. I rolled over, expecting to find Colson asleep next to me only to find that I was alone in his bed. I was confused at first, forgetting the events that happened mere hours earlier.

I could hear a distant voice talking and was able to identify it as Colson’s. I got up from his bed and made my way towards the stairs, hearing it get louder as I stood at the top.

“I wish she would’ve told me,” he was saying. “I don’t know why she would’ve kept this a secret from me.”

“She didn’t want you upset with your fans,” came another voice. This one was distorted like it was coming from a phone. When she spoke again, I realized it was Megan’s voice. “And she’s stubborn. She was probably determined to deal with this by herself.”

“I just hate that she felt that way,” Colson sighed. “I don’t want her believing anything any of those people said to her, but I saw screenshots and fuck...they really did just bombard her with hate.”

“I know, but none of us could’ve predicted this. Your fans were so cool with us dating, I thought they’d love (Y/N) since we’re so similar.”

I sat down on the top of the stairs and peeked down enough that I could see Colson without him seeing me. He was laid out on the couch in just his sweat pants. In his hand he was holding his phone up, the other was slung over the back of his couch. I could see the guilt on his face, which broke my heart to see. I didn’t want Colson feeling guilty for something that was out of his control.

“You think what I posted will do anything?” he asked Megan.

“I don’t know. It’s hard to tell. When people want to hate, they just want to hate.”

Hearing that Colson had posted something made me curious. I felt around my pants for my phone, but realized I had probably left it in the room or downstairs somewhere. I was in too deep now to give myself away, but I really wanted to know what he had posted about the situation.

“Thanks for talking to me about this, Megan,” he said.

“Of course, Colson. Anytime.”

They said their goodbyes and hung up. Colson tossed his phone onto the coffee table and put his arm under his head. “Are you gonna come down babe?”

I wanted to ask how he knew I was there, but instead I stood from my spot and made my way down the stairs. When I entered the living room, Colson just looked up at me for a moment, almost expectantly. I smiled down at him and laid on top of him with my head on his chest. The arm that was over the back of the couch wrapped around me and he gently kissed the top of my head.

“How much did you hear?” he asked.

“Just the last bit,” I admitted. “Something about a post you made.”

Colson hummed, his chest vibrating underneath my ear as he did. “I wanted to address the issue, and I knew you wouldn’t let me do it if you were awake.”

“I still don’t like that you did it now,” I said, half joking. “Can I see the post?”

He moved his head to look down at me. “How do I know you’re not going to delete the post?”

“You don’t,” I responded. “You’ll just have to trust me.”

He smiled and reached over to grab his phone from the coffee table. He opened it and pulled up a post he had made on Instagram: it was your usual white background with text post you saw celebrities make from time to time.

It read:

“I love my fans so much. You guys are my EST family, and I’m so proud of this family that we have built over the last few years. However, it came to my attention today that some of you have been less than nice to my girlfriend to a point where she felt the need to delete her social media accounts. I will admit, I was oblivious to this at first as I am not one to go onto other people’s social media to read comments and replies, and (Y/N) kept this to herself instead of telling me about it. But now that I do know, I have to say I am beyond pissed. (Y/N) is the most beautiful girl I have ever met, inside and out. She is not Megan, and honestly - with all respect to Megan - I’m glad that she’s not. I love Megan as a friend, but truly that’s all she is to me. (Y/N) is my soulmate, the love of my life. These comparisons and jabs at her because she isn’t my ex are absolutely disgusting, especially coming from people who claim they love me as much as you guys do. Please learn how to treat the people in my life with love and respect, or else take my face out of your profile pictures and my name out of your usernames/bios as you are not a true fan of mine. From the bottom of my heart, fuck you to anyone that made my girlfriend feel like shit.”

I scrolled down to see the comments and saw that the top one was from Megan, and was already liked by Colson.

“(Y/N) is not my competition, nor is she my enemy. She is my friend and she has been since before Colson and I were ever together. The fact that people feel the need to pit two women against one another just because they both dated the same person is absolutely appalling to me. I’d like to emphasis Colson’s statement - fuck you to whoever hurt my friend.”

I handed Colson his phone back, not wanting to read any more. I could feel a lump in my throat again, but this one was from happiness. I felt so lucky to have two amazing people in my corner during a time that was otherwise very trying for me.

“I’m sorry I never told you,” I said as I rested against his chest again.

“You shouldn’t be sorry, (Y/N). I’m sorry this happened to you.”

“You don’t have any reason to be sorry either. You can’t control your fans.��

“Then neither of us will be sorry.”

I chuckled at this. For a moment we were both silent, the only sound being Colson’s heart beating under my ear. It was a soothing sound, and combined with his fingers tracing over my back, I was almost lulled back to sleep.

“I love you,” he mumbled against my hair.

I lifted my head to look at him. “What?”

“I said I love you.”

I was speechless. It was the first time he had seriously said those words and he had managed to shock me into silence with them.

He looked at me, his face slowly becoming concerned with my silence.

“I love you, too,” I finally managed.

A smile broke out across Colson’s face as he wrapped his arms around me and held me tightly to him. For the rest of the night, he would whisper those three words to me randomly, and I would whisper back my response every time.

#machine gun kelly #machine gun kelly imagine #machine gun kelly x reader #colson baker #colson baker imagine #colson baker x reader #mgk #est #imagine #one shot #request #fanfiction #fanfic #fandom

[dreamescapeswriting]

BTS Reaction || He Walks Out In A Fight [Request]

A/N: I tried to give them all different tropes/AU’s so that it could be different from my other works! I have a mixture of angsty endings and fluffy endings! Sorry guys no part 2 💞💕

SEOKJIN: (Non Idol Au)

Jin stared at you as you accused him of once again cheating on you, his phone was in your hand unlocked but he just stared at you. He knew for a fact that he had nothing to hide from you, that he would never cheat on you since you were the love of his life but no matter what you found a way to say he was cheating. Finding girls names in his contacts and not believing that they were people from work, messages from girls you'd never heard of before all messaging him and asking him questions about his day with flirty suggestive comments attached to them. 

"You have guys in your messages, do you see me kicking off like this?" He asked calmly as he stared at you, you shook your head at him. 

"I tell them I've got a boyfriend unlike you. You just thank them and then give them a compliment!" You yelled out, throwing his phone in his direction as he caught it, looking at the messages to a girl he was supposedly cheating on you with. "Ashley" a guy friend from work who he was going out for a drink with that weekend, 

"You're going out for a drink with her, so tell me. What's she like? Is she pretty?" Jin groaned as you continued to yell out questions about someone called Ashley who you were convinced was a girl when in actual reality he was the newest member of Jin's work. 

"She's a he and we're going to get drinks with work buddies. You're reading too much into this," He was starting to feel defeated as he stared at you but you shook your head. Adamant that he was cheating on you so you just stared at him. 

"It's fine if you want to sleep with other people Jin, I already slept with your best friend." Jin's mouth fell open as he stared at you dumbfounded that you would just openly admit to cheating on him when you had just been ranting and raving about him messaging someone else. 

"Un-fucking-believable," He grumbled as he began walking out of the house but you followed him over to his car, 

"Not nice when it's the other way around is it?!" You snapped as he got into the car and started up his engine, 

"The difference is Y/n, I never cheated." He drove out of the drive way and off into the night, going to stay at a friends place while he cleared his head from you.

YOONGI: (Reader is a Rich CEO)

There was no secret that your relationship with Yoongi wasn't always perfect, every small fight and debate between the two of you were splashed around the headlines since you were a famous CEO which meant cameras followed you everywhere you went. Including secret spending sprees when you told Yoongi that you had an important business meeting instead of a shopping spree. 

"I don't see the big deal with going shopping, it's my money." It was true that you could do whatever you wanted with your money but that wasn't what Yoongi was mad about. He was angry at the fact that you had once again lied to him about where you had been and it was starting to get on his nerves. 

"I've been at home waiting for you, the least you could have done was called." He snapped at you, making you roll your eyes as you shook your head at him.

"I'm too tired for this fight, can we just drop it?" You moaned as you sat down on the sofa waiting for this all to be over but Yoongi wasn't going to drop it this easily. 

"All you do is spend, spend, spend your money! Do you know the only thing you don't do? You never want to spend time with me. We could have had a nice day out but you never bother to!" You rolled your eyes standing up suddenly, 

"Do you have any idea how much of a bitch you sound right now?" The words flew out before you even had time to process what you were saying and Yoongi stared at you a little shocked, 

"You're just jealous because I earn more money than you'll ever make in four years. So yes! I went out and I spent money on myself because I fucking earned it! What's wrong? I didn't spend my money on you?" Yoongi grabbed his coat from the coat rack and you stormed after him, telling him not to walk out of the door or things would be over for good. 

"Great! Then I won't have to deal with you anymore," He yelled at you as you stared back at him just as shocked as he had been when you bought up the fact that you earned more money than him.  You knew it was his biggest insecurity while he was with you, all of the media portrayed him as a money-grabbing man and he was now sure that you felt the same way. 

"You're unbelievable," He told you before walking out of the door, shutting it behind him as he began his walk into the town not wanting to take the car that you'd bought for him.

The media was all over the breakup within days of it happening, everyone taking his side instead of yours as news broke out about what you had said to him in the midst of your fight. It was made clear that Yoongi wasn't going to go back to you even if you begged him to.

HOSEOK: (Non idol AU)

"We have to talk about this," Hoseok said as he stared at you, you were sitting across from him in your kitchen, a positive pregnancy test laid out in front of him as he glanced to and from it. 

"Talk about what?" You whispered as you looked back at Hoseok, you'd hoped when you told him you were pregnant you would be overcome with a wave of relief but you weren't, it only made you worry more and more about it. You'd gone through everything in your head, neither of you was ready to bring a child into the world. Neither of you earned enough to support three people and there was no way the tiny apartment you were living in would be big enough for you two and a growing child. 

"We're too young for this," You shook your head, sliding the test into the bin as you pulled out some papers on adoption, it was the one thing you'd had on your mind since finding out you were pregnant. 

"You want to give our baby away?" His question was laced with venom and you shook your head, 

"We could give a family a new start, someone that's been wanting kids for a while could finally have one." You tried to explain it but Hoseok wasn't listening to reason he began shaking his head, telling you that he wanted to keep the child with you and him. 

"We can be a family-"

"We aren't ready Hoseok! You still act like an immature child! We don't even own a place or car big enough to grow a family. Can't you see this is for the better," You had tears running down your cheeks but Hoseok was shaking his head, all he could hear was how you'd called him an immature child.

"I can provide for us all, I'll give us a good life-"

"I would love to keep them with you but With what? We don't earn enough, we're still too young for this Hobi." But he shook his head at you again, getting up and heading to the door. Further proving your point that he acted like a child whenever he could get his own way. 

"Just walk away like you always do," You mumbled as he slammed the door behind himself. 

A month later Hoseok showed up at your doorstep, flowers in hand with a box. 

"Is this your way of proposing?" You asked unimpressed as you stared at him, the two of you had only been in contact over text messages and neglected to bring up the pregnancy conversation with one another. This was the first time you'd seen him face to face since the fight. 

"Open the box." He sighed putting the flowers down on your counter and watching as you opened the box, frowning when you saw two sets of keys inside. 

"What's this?" You pulled them out and Hoseok smiled, 

"The first is the key to our new minivan and the second is the key to our new place...A house...Somewhere we can raise our little one together...If you want to." Your eyes lit up as you stared at Hoseok wondering how he'd gotten all of this in such a short amount of time.

"I've had the house for a while...I-I'd been doing it up and so I took some paid holidays and finished it. The car is on finance but with my promotion, we can do this." All you did was lean forward and kiss him deeply.

NAMJOON: (Mafia AU)

"Where have you been? I've been calling you all night long!" Namjoon called out as you walked through the door, all night? It wasn't even 5 pm yet. You dropped the bag you'd carried home from work and sighed as he rushed to your sighed, watching you closely. 

"I had a meeting, it ran late. I text you." You whined, hanging up your shoes and coat, not ready for the same long and boring speech that he always gave to you whenever you were late or not somewhere he could see you. 

"You could have gotten hurt, someone could have hurt you." He panicked, taking your face in his hands and turning it in different directions so he could see if you had been hurt or if you were even really you. Lately, he'd been more paranoid than usual and it was starting to bug you with the constant questioning about where you were every minute of every day. 

"I'm fine. I got a ride home with Jimin, Joonie I'm fine." You got out of his grasp and headed towards the kitchen, wanting to get a strong drink if you were going to have to go through the speech about you needing a guard around you. Namjoon was in business with the Mafia and he was dating you which meant you were a walking target, anybody could decide to grab you at any point in time but you didn't want a guard, you didn't want to be protected all of the time. 

"I don't need someone telling me when and where I can't do or go somewhere Namjoon!" You finally snapped as he brought up the idea of a guard once again. The glass was smashed onto the table as you slammed it down too hard and you let out a hiss as you saw some blood coming from a small cut. Namjoon instantly went into panic mode, grabbing onto you and trying to force you to go to the hospital but you backed away from him wanting to scream out. 

"You're so fucking overprotective! Leave me alone! I am fine!" You screamed as you finally reached your breaking point, Namjoon stared at you in silence as he waited to see if you were serious.

"I'm overprotective?"

"Yes! You never let me do anything, do you know how pathetic it is?!" That was all it took, he walked out of the house leaving you in complete silence and on your own as he went to clear his head. 

Namjoon came back to the house the next day to find you curled up in his bed wearing one of his shirts, tear stains down your face. 

"Babe?" He frowned as he walked over to you, dropping his keys onto the counter thinking something was wrong but as soon as you heard him you jumped up. Running over as you wrapped your arms around his neck, begging him not to leave you like that again.

"What happened?" He asked as he pulled away, holding your face as he looked into your eyes ready to kill whoever had hurt you but you shook your head. 

"I-I just realised why you're so protective...I-I should have been more considerate...Last night I couldn't eat or sleep because you weren't here," You began crying again but all he did was wrap his arms around you, kissing the top of your head whispering that he was never going to leave you again while you told him over and over again how sorry you were for what you had said to him.

JIMIN: (Vampire AU)

"I don't want you to spend time with him, why is that a problem?" Jimin questioned as he stared at you, you were staring back at him while shaking your head. 

"Because you're acting like a jealous teenager," You mumbled, folding your arms over your chest as you raised your eyebrows at your boyfriend who was being a jealous, overprotective and possessive boyfriend. 

"I am a teenager," You sprinted over to him with your vampiric speed and tilted your head to the side, 

"We're both 248 years old...How do you work that out," The two of you had been together for almost 222 years, both of you had changed into vampires when you were 26-years old after almost dying in a terrible accident. A doctor decided to change you both at the same time and took you in as his own, now you were acting as young as you could get away with. Ageing in different towns. Currently, you were portraying 18-years-old in a college together as a couple. 

"It's just a study session with Justin, he needs my help in biology," You reassured Jimin that there was nothing going on between you and Justin but Jimin didn't see it the way you did. He saw Justin as a threat, he was younger than both of you and human...What if you decided you wanted to be with Justin instead and changed him into one of you or worse. What if Justin found out what you were and threatened to expose you to everyone? Jimin's grip tightened on you and you stared at him, 

"I'll be fine," A car honked from outside the library and you looked out of the window, Justin was there waiting for you. 

"Don't go. You don't know him! He could hurt you," You rolled your eyes at Jimin before shaking your head, 

"You're so possessive and jealous, it's boring Jimin!" In all your years of being together, you'd never once called him boring or possessive or jealous and it hurt to know that's how you felt about him. As if you could see the dials turning in his head you tried to tell him you didn't mean it but he'd already run out of the building in the blink of an eye leaving you alone there.

Jimin could sense there was something wrong the second you walked through the door and it wasn't because you had blood on your shirt which he knew for a fact wasn't yours since you didn't bleed. 

"What happened?" He rushed to your side holding your face as you stared at him, 

"He knew. He knew about what we were...I-I had to take care of it," You mumbled as you dropped a bag down onto the floor, Jimin already knew what was inside from the smell of blood coming to his nose as he looked at it before looking back at you.

"I should have listened to you...You're always right," You mumbled as you told Jimin you both needed to get out of the city and fast since you didn't know if Justin had already told people what he knew or not. Luckily for you and Jimin it was just the two of you on the run, if you were with the rest of your family it would have been a lot harder.

TAEHYUNG: ( Friends with benefits trope)

It hadn't meant to come out this way, you and Taehyung were just supposed to be sex buddies but on what planet did that ever actually work out? None was the answer. It was a dumb idea to have if you thought it was ever going to work, 

"I told you I didn't want a relationship when we started this, what's the big deal?" You questioned as Taehyung began rushing around to find his clothes you'd torn off him earlier that night. He let out a tut as he shook his head disapprovingly at you, 

"I thought maybe you'd changed your mind, maybe you'd grown a heart and decided to let someone love you!" You rolled your eyes at him as if this was some sort of romantic movie or novel that would result in you loving one another. 

"We're friends! Nothing will change that," You tried to tell him but he just scoffed at you not wanting to listen to it all over again, 

"Last time I checked, friends don't fuck each other the way we do," You shook your head at him, 

"You're unbelievable! How could you think I would ever love you like that?!" The world seemed to stop moving and you were left staring at one another from across your bedroom floor. Taehyung's eyes were red as he started to cry but you didn't feel guilt. You told him from the start that you didn't want to deal with the emotions of being in a relationship, that what was going on between you was just sex. 

"Did you really just say that?" Tears rolled down his cheeks as he waited for you to answer him, 

"It's just sex. I don't like you like that," He nodded his head as he dressed himself, walking out of the apartment and slamming the door so hard your picture frame fell off the wall and smashed onto the floor leaving you to stare at it as he stormed off. 

Four months later you were walking around the mall with some friends when you bumped into Taehyung with a group of his friends, you locked eyes with one another and you didn't know if you should have waved or kept your head down but Taehyung answered it for you. Turning his face away from you and talking with the guys as though he hadn't even seen you standing there in front of him, you couldn't blame him after what you'd said to him though so you just kept walking, not looking over your shoulder.

JUNGKOOK: ( Idol x Reader)

You sighed as Jungkook continued to yell at you for going out when he specifically told you not to, it wasn't as though he was keeping you in the house all of the time or being overly protective of you. That weekend he had plans to spend the entire time with you, wanting to be alone for a while instead of with the boys or your friends but you'd snuck out the night before and didn't come back until the early hours. Still drunk as you stood across from Jungkook in the living room, 

"Can you stop yelling? I have a headache," You mumbled to him wanting nothing more than to head up to your bed and forget the night before even happened. 

"This was the first time we would have been alone together in a while, can you blame me for missing you?" Your back was turned to him so he didn't see you roll your eyes at the statement so you just walked up the stairs to the bedroom, falling down onto the mattress as you let out a huge sigh. 

"I just want to sleep," You moaned at him, rolling over so your head was buried between the pillows and the sunlight wasn't hurting your eyes anymore, 

"Didn't you miss me?" You stayed silent as Jungkook questioned you, walking back into the room with a sad expression written across his face. He figured you must have missed him as much as he missed you during the week, you hardly got to see one another thanks to his busy schedule at the studios. 

"It's just like when you go on tour. It's no big deal. I'm used to it," You drunkenly mumbled into the pillow, closing your eyes as you saw no problem with what you had said but to Jungkook it felt as though you'd taken his heart from his chest and stomped it into the ground. 

"You don't miss me? Do you even love me?" You let out a groan at his question, rolling over to face him. He had tears running down his cheeks as he stared at you, waiting for you to answer him he had fears running around his head at what you might say but nothing could have prepared him for it.

"Do you have any idea how fucking clingy you sound right now?" You grumbled before laying back down, staring at the ceiling while Jungkook stormed out of the room. Slamming the door behind him as he headed into the spare bedroom for the night, he'd heard enough from you. 

The next morning when you finally emerged from the bedroom you found Jungkook sitting in the living room eating lunch on his own, 

"Morning baby, what time did I come in?" You questioned tiredly as you sat down beside him, attempting to cuddle up beside him but he shifted away from your touch. 

"Babe?" You frowned looking at him as he continued to stare at the screen that had some old sit-com running instead of at you. You went to touch his arm but he got up, 

"I don't want to be too clingy for you." He snapped and that was when it hit you. Memories of the night before came flooding back to you as you groaned at him. 

"J-Jungkook, I didn't mean it, I was drunk-"

"Drunk words are sober thoughts," He snapped before heading into the kitchen to clean up but you weren't going to let him get away with that, you just rushed over to him. Wrapping your arms around him from behind and burying your face in his back, 

"I know you're going away s-soon...I was pushing you away so I wouldn't feel so hurt when you go on tour," You explained your backwards way of thinking and you felt Jungkook's body physically relax as he realised you weren't serious the night before. 

"It was dumb and I should have said something to you instead of just acting like a bitch," He nodded in agreement, letting you say everything you needed to say before the two of you spent the day with your hangover on the sofa together.

Tagline: @lyoongx @mitzwinchester @rjsmochii @taestannie @kneel-begyourpardon @innersooya @sweeneyblue1​ @sw33tnight​ @agustdjoon​ @jin-from-the-block​ @acciocriativity​ @that-anxious-bisexual​

#bts #bts x reader #bts x y/n #bts x you #bts reaction #bts reactions #seokjin #seokjin x reader #yoongi x reader #hoseok x reader #namjoon x reader #jimin x reader #taehyung x reader #jungkook x reader #jeon jungkook #jungkook #kim taehyung #taehyung #park jimin #jimin #kim namjoon #namjoon #jhope #jung hoseok #hoseok #min yoongi #yoongi #suga #jin #kim seokjin

[thefanficmonster]

Unlucky

Part 2: ‘Lucky Me’

Corpse Husband x Reader

Warnings: Swearing

Genre: Fluff

Summary: Corpse decides to email back a person who has sent him quite a few creepy stories. She never seems to run out of scary encounters of both sorts: paranormal and stranger-danger. He gets suspicious that the stories are all made up so she can grab his attention, but he’s in for a surprise.

U/N - username

Requested: No

Corpse’s POV

I’m looking through my most recent emails from fans. They are all of scary encounters they’ve allegedly experienced. By now, I’ve read so many, it’s easy to decipher which are real and which are just made up nonsense. Some, I must admit, give me chills. Big props to the people who write those, especially if they are made up. If you can make someone’s skin crawl with your twisted, frightening imagination, you have one, for lack of a better term and in the most positive way, fucked up mind.

My cursor lands on the familiar username I see almost every other week. U/N. They have been sending stories consistently for about three years now. They, and I’m saying they cause you can never be sure who’s hiding behind the username, are either the most unlucky person to walk the planet or the one with most twisted imagination and story telling skills. I’ll admit, sometimes I narrate a story just because it’s well written. Believability is not the only thing I go by, I also reward creativity. And this person, U/N, has had their spot in many of my videos in the last three years. I’m honestly hoping they are made up, or at least some of them, because not only are there too many of them, but none of them fail to give me that eerie paranoia after I read them or the chills while I read them.

Once again, they have submitted a downright terrifying story. It would be a shame if I didn’t narrate it.

It would be a shame if I....

If I never actually meet them.

This many run-ins with people with malicious intent, always getting away by some miracle, what if they one day don’t make it out alive to tell it.

My heart sinks a little at the thought. I feel like I know this person, like we’ve known each other for three years now. They know the things the whole internet knows about me, and I, along with my regular watchers, know their stories. That’s by no means enough, now that I think about it.

My next action is really out of character for me. I decide to reach out to them. My fingers fly over the buttons on my keyboard too fast for my rational side to try and stop them. Deep down, I know I’m doing the rightest wrong thing I’ve ever done. My previously sunk heart is now in its assigned spot again, beating quickly.

You don’t know what you’re doing

I maybe don’t, but knowing isn’t what’s important right now. I just wanna do it.

~ Hey, this is probably, what, your twentieth story so far. I’m just curious, how many of these are made up? By the way, your stories are amazing and I’ll probably keep narrating them even if they aren’t real. They’re just that good.

I send the email before I can talk myself out of it. I get up from my chair immediately afterwards, putting as much distance between me and the computer as possible, silently promising myself I won’t be checking my mail every five minutes.

Y/N’s POV

I anxiously refresh and refresh my email inbox, waiting for the dreaded email back from my professor. Being halfway through the college experience, I know how tough this professor’s class is and how much I suck at it. I sent him my completed assignment last night, barely making the deadline mind you, so now I’m sweating hardcore, staring my computer screen down.

After refreshing for the millionth time, I’m met with a new email which makes my heart stop for a second or two, my stomach dropping. Then I take the time to read the sender’s name, the subject and the first sentence of the email, and all the previous changes in me reverse. My heartbeat picks up speed, going faster than a galloping horse and my stomach turns, making me feel the sensation everyone calls ‘butterflies’.

Nah, man. This shit ain’t real. It can’t be.

But then again, what if it is. What if I’m about to full-on ignore my favorite youtuber because of my paranoia. Well, it’s not exactly unsupported. My life has been a shit show of unfortunate event and situations I’ve literally had to claw my way out of in order to stay alive. Now, when something of the sort happens, it’s just another weekday. However, I still wanna share these encounters. Not only because they are proof of the dangers girls have to deal with on a daily basis, but they also get narrated by one of my favorite people ever. What more can a girl ask for?

~ Listen, I’m really not looking forward to getting catfished. Please leave me alone

It’s short, not sweet, and to the point. It’s easy to understand, and it clearly states that I’m not falling for it if it’s a scam, but if it’s real....someone call 911 cause I think I’ll faint.

~ I get it, you have trust issues. But that’s understandable. From the creepy guy messaging you on all your social media. To the stalker you had from you high school, or even that teacher that turned out to not be a teacher at all and just a pedo, I see where the lack of trust is coming from. But I assure you, they only thing I wanna do is chat.

The shock and happiness overwhelm me when the reply arrives not even ten minutes later. 

Holy shit, this is him.

I start typing and then erase the typed half-sentence at least three times before receiving another email from him. From Corpse Husband. Corpse freaking Husband. How the fuck am I supposed to compose myself enough to reply to him, let alone sound cool and leave a good impression.

My hand shakes as I click the newly received email.

~ You probably don’t know what to say. Either that or you just don’t wanna talk to me. If you’re just baffled and surprised, reply with your name. If you want me to fuck off, ignore this email completely.

The smile I didn’t realize was there grows into a grin as small bursts of laughter escape me. Laughter caused by disbelief and shock. The type of laugh you let out when you score a good mark on the test you thought you completely fucked up.

~ Y/N. My name’s Y/N. 

PS: The stories are all 100% real. All happened. In the order I sent them too. And before you ask, I guess I’m just unlucky, but you are proving me wrong right now.

I don’t know where that confidence at the end came from, but I don’t care really. All that matters is that this might just actually be happening and it might be the best thing to ever happen to me.

~ Man, you’ve had it rough. Tell me, is there an easier way to access you than email. Like Insta DMs? I feel we have a lot to talk about and email is not the most convenient.

At this point, it feel so much like a fever dream that I decide to treat it as though it is. I just go with the flow.

~ Yeah, but first.....am I really not being catfished right now?

The email I receive as a reply to this message is empty of text but there’s a file attached. Not gonna lie, I am a bit hesitant to open it, but I decide that if this turns bad, I’ll just have to deal with it. In the meantime, I’ll believe it’s not a scam.

It’s an audio file: “No, Y/N, you are not being catfished.”

That voice. That god damn voice. It could convince me of anything. 

And now it’s convinced me into believing him. And finally letting out that squeal I was holding back before sending him my Instagram username.

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