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cooltrainererika · 3 years

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A Star Wars Noob’s ideas for fixing the Disney sequels

Okay so just to get this out there, because it won’t leave my mind.

So I’ve been binging on SW lately and the sequels only annoy me more and more by the day. So just wanted to throw my character ideas out into the world. Focusing on characters because I like writing characters way more than plot. Hopefully if I ever actually write this thing, or even somehow pitch it to someone with the right connections to animate it with the actors as voice actors, this wouldn’t have gone viral. But since no one looks at my blog it probably won’t lol. Hopefully.

But just in case, I’ll say that this will probably contain spoilers for a story which may or may not exist by the time you read this.

I’ve deliberately been trying to avoid as much emotional spoilers and normal spoilers as I can before the sequels despite the temptation, so sorry if some stuff is a bit off. Augh I hope I can get the time to watch the full OT and PT soon. I was too tired from hiking when I watched SW4 and I now really wish my dad didn’t show me when I was half-asleep.

Rey: Rainbow of possibilities; Cynical Scavenger, Adventure-seeking Audience Surtogate Geek, or Lawful Good to the core Paladin Padawan with a personal grudge, and may be descended from a family line, maybe not, but currently most likely a Skywalker by blood. Story and other character arcs change dramatically depending on which route chosen.

Finn: Stoic soldier man learns power of friendship, finds meaning of life, causes Stormtrooper mutiny, probably becomes a Jedi and second main character and hooks up with Rey. “What‘s a joke?”. Awkward dork and stunted socially but doing his best. May instinctively find it hard to disobey orders. He may be the one wanting to find his family; but that’s dropped soon enough to focus on what’s ahead.

(Alternatively: Proud warrior guy who acts like a stereotypical North Korean soldier who finds himself outside the First Order, learns power of friendship etc. The rest is the same)

Poe Dameron: What we Japanese people call The Aniki. The funny charismatic ace pilot who keeps everyone sane, overall bro. Wholesome but a bit rough, that guy you would want to share a beer with. But within that easygoing nature burns a hotblooded, determined, dutiful streak, and an even stronger snarky streak. The one with the social skills. Loves his droid like his son though Cynical!Rey and Finn find that initially kind of stupid/strange.

Kylo Ren/Ben Solo: Appears to be yet another quietly imposing Star Wars villain with added edgelord factor, but actually a mentally unstable, borderline yandere berserker of a man crushed under the weight of a legacy, with a horrifying inferiority complex, identity issues, and an unhealthy obsession with familial honor, constantly stuck between Dark and Light. Despite his high rank, basically the First Order’s attack dog. Usually has the emotional maturity of a 16-year-old, if not younger. If anyone is, he’s the damsel in distress of this story.

Luke Skywalker: Cuddly sunshine headmaster sage doing his best, has been on many adventures before that are hidden ads to future Lucasfilm projects. May have gone to search for answers as to what is causing recent events, or is still present at the beginning. May survive at the end. He could be anywhere from kind of jaded but at his core still that sweet optimist, to Basically Uncle Iroh, to can-literally-summon-Porgs-by-whistling/Space Sage Mr. Rogers.

Han Solo: General of the Republic Armed Forces or courier who decided military life just wasn’t for him and now delivers important messages through still unstable areas of the New Republic, a war hero, and a dad doing his best. Wants to hold hope but may have at least outwardly given up on Ben, with Poe filling in the void. Has gone clean from his life of crime and still married 30+ years strong with Leia. He would be the one who is the closest to Poe if he’s still in the military and Leia is a Jedi, with Poe being seen as his likely successor. He might die at the end of 8? Maybe Hamill and Carrie would somehow talk him into sticking around past 7? He might still die in 7?

(Side note: I wish we could have seen Old Harrison Ford in a military casual coat-cape. He would have looked awesome in it. I mean no one would really complain that he plays fast and loose with the dress code if there even is one, he’s Han freakin’ Solo and he gives no f*cks.)

Leia Organa-Solo: Preferably a Jedi Knight, leader while he’s away if he’s away as well as their tactician, or senator considering her personality; maybe have basically what Colin Trevorrow planned for her (I mean… why not just use CGI at this point? They’ve done it before. I’m sure Carrie wouldn’t have wanted her swan song to be such a passive role either), with her bond with Luke being a major factor and us actually being able to see it in practice. May have outwardly given up on her son as well, but still is at the end of the day a mom doing her best. Basically a strong, smart lady like how she’s always been.

Chewbacca: How he always is, but he plays more of a role than basically the guy bussing the cast around, an active combat role definitely. Han’s second in command and maybe fellow dad. Possibly the part-time chaperone of the mess that is the new main duo. Also was Ben’s first friend, and you bet there will be drama here.

Lando Calrissian: Business mogul who probably helps the heroes out, maybe by selling them stuff and using his many connections to get information. And/or he’s basically an economic diplomat for the Republic. Has known Ben since he was a child and may have snuck him on too many joyrides without telling Leia, to her chagrin and Han’s amusement.

Grand Admiral Armitage Hux: Basically how he was in SW7. Calculating, manipulative, coldhearted, intelligent, and ruthless, the brains to Kylo’s brawn. Son of former Imperial officers, killed his own father to get where he is. Gives no f*cks, except when he goes full ham. Maybe even he goes cold and pale if Kylo starts getting angry, just to show how terrifying he can be, but I also like the idea of him being one of two people who can manipulate Kylo out of a tantrum and not end up a pile of flesh or choked to death.

Captain Phasma: How she is in supplemental material probably. A walking chrome machine of merciless death. Probably not very talkative, and probably does not take defectors lightly. She may defect at the end or not depending on how truly evil she’s portrayed to be, but I’m thinking she’s likely this cruel disciplinarian who expects complete and utter, machine-like obedience to the end, and Finn flinches at the mere mention of her, though she herself is equally as extremely loyal to the cause.

Snoke: A mysterious being, the likes of which are not of this galaxy. Probably some kind of ancient eldritch abomination who can torment vulnerable minds with an untraceable curse. Not your average Sith, and despite how it may seem it may not be connected to them at all… Or perhaps it is. Or perhaps it itself serves a larger master. It wants to use Kylo Ren for… something. Just what it is is what Luke has been trying to find out for years.

Knights of Ren: Idea borrowed from Thor Skywalker (check him out on YouTube!); possibly a military cult of Sith/Vader worshippers who see Ben as the second coming of Vader, and have aligned themselves with Snoke. Probably basically Kylo’s personal guard and troops. Or possibly directly liked to whatever otherworldly entit(ies?) Snoke is, not being of this galaxy themselves.

Anakin Skywalker: Determined grandpa doing his best for his kids, grandkid(s), and the galaxy. Doesn’t appear often, but plays a major role in the story; maybe he’s the one who led Rey to his lightsaber, and maybe he advises Luke while training Rey, or secretly follows Kylo, trying to speak to him but unable to be seen or heard by him. He’d be the one who ultimately convinces Ben to return to the light, and to, in an echo of the words Ben heard when he was being impersonated, “finish what I started”.

Rose Tico: A probably relatively new, wide-eyed young recruit in the Republic Military, and maybe seeks revenge on First Order for killing or kidnapping her sister. Not sure if she will be needed, but if there’s room for her she might be interesting. Maybe she’s one of Poe’s friends or part of his squad. She could also be the resident girly girl because there aren’t many of those here.

Vice-Admiral Amberlyn Holdo: She’s in the Aftermath books, and those seem pretty good, so she’s probably how she is there. A quirky mostly background character that is probably at most there for Han and/or Leia and Ackbar to give commands to and salute back, but most importantly she actually does her job properly, even if she’s still a bit of an odd person. Also Poe knows her and they have a way more amicable work relationship. Also give her something which actually looks like something military personnel would wear. She could even be a legitimately good tactician who comes up with off-the-wall tactics.

(Side note: I heard that she basically has the Star Wars version of Autism, and while I’d appreciate that as an Aspie myself, I’ll also have to say that Autistic people would probably be terrible military leaders due to us not being able to adjust to sudden changes well and our bad communication skills. So yeah, sorry, unless she’s recast to something like, say, a mechanic or logistics or medic or any other more Autistic-friendly job, that’s going to have to go)

Maz Kanada: …Admittedly not sure what to do with her. But she’s more likely to be an acquaintance of Lando before Han, if she doesn’t know both. In fact, Lando may be introduced early alongside her. But she would still have the important role of keeping Anakin’s saber; how she has it, either Lando found it, or basically what was cut from TFA showing that she’s indeed pretty awesome.

BB-8: BB-8 doesn’t have to change. He’s perfect as he is. Maybe what he can do should be more consistent though. Poe and him are basically Ash and Pikachu, they stick together whenever possible. If Rey or Finn need a droid to tag along and Poe isn’t in the party at the moment, R2 is right there. I once read a fanfic in which BB-8 was actually a droid Luke made for Ben and I liked the idea… though it probably would be a bit of an unnecessary detail in practice.

R2-D2 and C3P0: They’re basically business as usual. They would still have that boke-tsukkomi dynamic they had going on, sometimes with the added childlike cuteness of BB-8 in the mix. If there’s any extra time left for comic relief scenes, or if they’re sent on some kind of mission together, I can see these three messing around doing their thing (or rather, BB being childlike, cute and curious, Threepio being overly nervous, and Artoo being too old for this sh*t and/or BB’s cool uncle/older brother) being both cute and hilarious.

Also Worldbuilding stuff will be featured at the bottom

Elaboration on the “big four” of the sequel cast:

Rey: Aged 19, speaks with Daisy Ridley’s normal accent, not RP (I mean really, her accent isn’t that hard to understand). A whole rainbow of possibilities with this lady, though many don’t realize it. I might be leaning towards her being Luke’s daughter, though her being Just Rey may also be interesting, and her still being a descendant of Palpatine or the main villain could also have potential, though if Finn is a Jedi I don’t think there’s any need for her parents to be nobody. But the three main routes I can think of for her are these three: Cynical!Rey, a Rey with a backstory identical to the canon Rey from her abandonment onwards, Fangirl!Rey, a sort of estimation of a dorky female Star Wars nerd in-universe and the most lighthearted start out of the three, and Padawan!Rey, a Rey who is already Luke’s Padawan at his academy. Maybe making her starting point less crushingly bleak and Fangirl!Rey could work, but it might dilute both ideas, and that characterization might be a bit too similar to ANH Luke.

As is apparent, Cynical!Rey, is, well, cynical. She’s strong and independent, but extremely distrusting, on-edge, and not used to friendly interaction. Think Female SW4 Han Solo but even more antisocial and probably not even bothering with the bravado, and basically with Anakin’s upbringing except she doesn’t even have a loving mother like Anakin did. Fangirl!Rey was my initial idea but I’m starting to become less partial to it because of the aforementioned similarity to ANH Luke, but my idea was she’s basically Harry Potter, living with stepparents who hate her, or she’s still used as basically child labor but her conditions are nowhere near as bad as Cynical Rey’s, and she would have grown up on stories about the Rebels and the Jedi and everything else in the past movies, collecting every single bit of memorabilia she can get her hands on. If one wants to go for very lighthearted and slightly meta for SW7 this is the route. Padawan!Rey could go anywhere, but I’m thinking she would basically be our D&D Paladin; ever since Ben Solo went berserk and ran off to join the First Order, she’s become very protective of her fellow students and has a really understandable personal grudge against him. She might be the strongest pupil left after the Second Jedi Massacre, and by the end maybe she becomes the successor to headmaster of the academy. It is possible that she was found abandoned on Jakku or Luke’s doorstep, however, so the theme of growing up lonely is there, and because being a Jedi is what has given her meaning in life it means a lot to her. But while I don’t want her parentage to be revealed early if it is Luke, it does raise the massive plot hole of why this was never disclosed to her or to Ben.

And yes, I did say fellow students and academy. Wiping the new Jedi Order feels really cheap and it makes the whole hopeful Jedi Starting Anew implication that I’m 90% sure the OT ended on feel very pointless. I’d prefer them still being there, though their inclusion would be obviously way more natural in the Padawan Route. This also has tons of marketing potential for Disney, because I wanted to take IRL realism into account; what’s in it for Disney? Maybe potential to expand on other students and Luke’s academy? It could be like a smaller Jedi Hogwarts/Xavier Institute basically. Though the survivors wouldn’t be too numerous; just, like, four at most. Maybe there would be elements of an Avengers/Infinity War/Endgame-esque team movie, even if the rest are a bit out of focus.

I did think maybe the heroes would still go to Ahch-To after SW7 where Luke would have been hiding with his students researching the new threat, but maybe I could have him stay and sort of take a few cues from Harry Potter by introducing the heroes to the world of the Jedi early and giving them a break in the action as they settle in their new homes, so there’s more time to develop the padawan side characters, what the academy is like, and Luke gets to appear in SW7 as well so there can be a OT trio “reunion” (not a reunion in-universe). Though that kind of messes with other parts I want to include like Rey and Finn having to take on Kylo and getting completely whipped because he’s a rampaging madman before having to be saved by Luke. Also Rey getting kidnapped has potential for developing her trust in others, and her and Finn getting a breather moment at the Republic after the heroes and Han regroup would kind of remove a point where that could be easily slotted in the story. It would also require everything before this to be crammed in the first act.

(Newer edit 5/27/21) I also like her getting a golden double-bladed saber like many fans depict her. It’s not only awesome looking (because she only gets her own saber at the end of TROS… Why?), but it’s more toys for the moichendise! It fits her starting with a staff, it has more reach, and it would fit Cynical Rey especially for her to have a style centered around keeping as much of herself defended as possible. Watching Battlefront 2 footage has made me think about fighting styles a bit, and if she and Finn are a duo how their styles of combat might compliment each other, especially as their relationship develops (coincidentally she and Finn apparently are a very good combination in BF2). A Cynical Rey would probably contrast the most, with a fighting style based on keeping enemies away, trickery, and defense (a good choice for a blade made of light), maybe a bit wild at first but initially her goal in fighting would be to hold out until there is an opening to get the hell out, only staying to fight if she has no other option. Fangirl Rey wouldn’t really have a fighting style initially, and it’s gonna be very dependent on where her arc goes. Padawan Rey would have the most Prequel Jedi-esque, choreographed style, showing a lot of skill though not quite mastering it and with tons of openings at first. A Cynical Rey may have an uncanny skill to detect suspicious people, which would make her trusting the heroes easier, and though this ability isn’t super strong and is more “a slight gut feeling but it could be nothing” than “human lie detector” it could maybe be honed more. And while not quite wall vision like in BF2 (because wat? Where do they come up with this stuff?), maybe she’s good at detecting people’s presences too. These are very apt ambient skills for someone in her position. Meanwhile, Fangirl!Rey would have probably suspected she had the Force already, and her ambient abilities could be whatever, just rather passive abilities unless trained.

If she is Luke’s daughter though, that would open up the can of worms of who her mother is. Just making it so that she died before the events of SW7 might seem a bit… unfortunate? I kind of want Luke to have found love sometime (and seriously with how much of a bombshell young Luke was, in addition to him being such a hero, I’m shocked that he never got one. I can see why Mara Jade wanted a piece of that. *wolf whistle*), but then I’d have to figure out how to incorporate her in this already character-dense story without her having cheaply died offscreen. I might be able to think of something? I could always go digging in the dusty pile of old fan theories, I might find something good. Thor Skywalker did hint at her but his story stopped at the end of where SW8 would have. If I do name her Mara there’s probably going to be extra pressure to do something with her. …But I can’t be the only one who thinks that Daisy Ridley kind of looks like Natalie Portman. Then again I’m pretty face-blind. I guess blond hair and blue eye color genes are also recessive traits for Star Wars humans. Though it seems the height genes skipped a generation because she’s actually pretty tall for a woman at 170 cm - I’m sorry what. That’s as tall as the average Japanese man! Holy sh*t Daisy! She only looks a bit small because she’s often depicted with Kylo and Kylo makes everyone not Phasma look diminutive. I guess Ben would get it from Anakin and Han (though he’s still taller than both of them…), so maybe a taller actress would be cast as Mara (?). And despite Rey’s malnourishment in the Cynical route, this actually isn’t that implausible, because stunted growth apparently only happens if children are deprived from gestation to about 2 years of age.

And again, why wouldn’t Ben know about this? But if this isn’t the Padawan!Rey route (the hardest to incorporate Rey The Actual Skywalker into), maybe Ben took Rey’s assumed death as even more of a reason to burden himself with the entire Skywalker legacy? This would give him a reason to already care about her.

Further edits: According to the Aftermath books, Jakku was a “Lightside Nexus” planet. Maybe this has to do with her powers? (Perhaps she was kept sane by the Force speaking to her on occasion, in dreams or as she lies staring at the ceiling after a long day, showing her the loving life she used to live and unknown to her she will return to someday). Or why she was dropped there? Maybe she was supposed to be living with Lor San Tekka (the old guy Kylo kills at the beginning of TFA), but got lost one day or was kidnapped by bandits to be a scavenger because her small size would have been perfect for getting loot from small spaces? Why not take her back then? This probably is one of the biggest plot knots in the Cynical Rey Skywalker route, alongside who her mother is.

Small detail lightning round before moving on: I once read a Japanese fic, and in it she mentioned she hates alcohol because she saw how it turned people into monsters. I actually kind of liked this headcanon, and maybe a bit unexpected. Though there’s also the route of her just being too used to it, setting her apart from previous more wholesome protagonists even more. Also Daisy would have to start hitting the gym and protein shakes because I think her character design evolving from her thin build to a very athletic, Wonder Woman-esque body type would be pretty good in representing her growth as a character, and combined with her height she would be so very badass looking.

Finn: Probably around 23? Infamous for lost potential, so his backstory is the same. However, I’m thinking that due to his dehumanizing upbringing, he’s a bit robotic and pretty stoic initially, a total opposite to Poe. He doesn’t understand jokes or sarcasm, and now that he’s completely left the life he’s always known, he feels pretty lost. He would basically act like a male Rei Ayanami, though I was going more for Drax at first. Alternatively, he’s a proud warrior type, imagine a stereotypical North Korean/Prussian soldier. He’d be a bit more emotional and probably less cartoonish here (I mean I have compared Star Wars to anime but full-on anime tropes in live action probably looks super corny), and he’s a massive hardass who also doesn’t get sarcasm or jokes and fanatical and would have thought of his fellow soldiers as a collective as his band of brothers and comrades, collectively serving the FO like a smoothly running machine. My initial thought was that after a life of war crimes and the influence a certain pilot whose cell he was guarding who gave him his name, and maybe witnessing the death of a comrade, he had defected from the FO, but I started thinking it would be plausible if he defected from the FO probably by accident. Highly likely to be the second protagonist, if not POV character, and if so I think it’s logical that it’s Finnrey that becomes the canon ship here. In the Padawan!Rey route, he’s the newcomer protagonist, not Rey. If they’re shipped, or even as friends, they may bond over their dehumanizing, harsh backgrounds and the feeling of being lost in the world. Also he likely starts a mutiny. Like it was such an obvious plot point but they never use it for some bizarre reason. It’s like the DM didn’t read his character sheet at all. Actually one didn’t and the other kept forgetting it in the third campaign.

There’s two ways I think his arc could go; first would be a focus mainly on his search for identity and becoming his own person. Second, his guilt about having done the First Order’s bidding for so long. Probably a combination of the two, though I’m not sure how to address them both. He also wants to see his colleagues free from slavery. But I am sure about I’d that he’d have to overcome his conditioning, learning to regain his humanity.

Especially if Rey is a Skywalker and he becomes a Jedi, he’d be the one who the movie makes a point about being from nowhere. He has no idea who his parents are, but it would not even matter in the end, it’s what he makes of his life from here on out. And if he and Rey end up together, which is extremely likely in this scenario, he not only finds his family in the figurative sense with the other Jedi and his new friends plus girlfriend, but in the literal sense as well, going from nameless Stormtrooper FN-2187, to just Finn the ex-Stormtrooper, to Finn the Padawan and then Jedi Knight, to finally, Finn Skywalker, Jedi Knight; maybe the last movie ends with one of them proposing to the other, with SW8 having previously ended with the climactic big damn kiss that cemented that they are a thing now. (Cue Luke jokingly asking when he’s getting grandchildren and How It Should Have Ended!Anakin squeeing over him getting great-grandchildren lol) His name would have this real symbolic value to it with how it changes as he goes from nobody to somebody. Not to mention “Finn Skywalker” is just a freakin’ awesome name. If they make up the leading duo, he and Rey may have some kind of inherent connection, or they progress into two parts of the same whole, even attaining something like a Dyad.

I thought an interesting thing to do if Rey is a Skywalker, and this is Cynical Rey, is a twist on the expected pattern by making him the one who sees the good in Kylo, not Rey. Because while Rey might be his cousin, she’s also a very distrustful person who couldn’t afford to think deeply about people act the way they do when she was growing up and fighting to survive. Meanwhile, Finn knows Kylo, and he also knows what it’s like to be determined to be a killing machine from a very young age, and if he has to forgive himself, or if he’s able to see the light, that Kylo deserves a chance as well. It would be the ultimate show of kindness from him, to show him forgiving the man who works so loyally under the same organization that enslaved him. I can also see Kylo being angry at himself for being unable to sense the Force-Sensitive in their midst.

Maybe he was born on a “Lightside nexus” planet too so that it makes sense that he can keep up with other characters? Presuming he’s in his early 20s, I don’t think him being raised by the Order since he was a baby is that plausible, so maybe he was already an orphan? I can see the First Order spinning their Stormtrooper program kidnapping street orphans as “rehabilitating” them, which combined with good old Victorian style citizen apathy to street children allows them to get away with it. But if he was, say, around 6 years old when he was taken away, it would make sense why he was able to break out of his programming. Perhaps Poe showing him friendship awoke the humanity long dormant in him. But on the other hand, the younger, adolescent soldiers may be beyond saving, and I can see that being absolutely heartbreaking.

I can see his fighting style with a saber being direct, forceful, and pragmatic, but unlike Rey the emphasis would be on engaging and keeping up the fight, and be very disciplined, calculated, and controlled in contrast to Cynical Rey. At least he’d attempt it while he gets used to the properties of a lightsaber, before there would probably be a lot of awkwardness as John is directed to swing this weightless prop blade with a weighted hilt like he would a club or sword. If he isn’t a Force Sensitive, he’s a good sniper just like in BF2, in fact this would be his primary combat ability, though still able to hold his own in melee combat. Though even as a Jedi he’d probably still use a gun as a sidearm, and his good aim would also translate to him being very good at spotting openings and spotting danger from a distance, as well as enhanced ability to dodge.

Poe Dameron: Age 29 (?). A total bro. I’ve kind of come to think of him as this embodiment of the good, wholesome side of traditional masculinity. I can best describe him as the guy you expect to think of when you think of the guy who takes the boys to the bar for beers on the house and hosts Super Bowl night (for the Americans out there). Basically just that big bro/cool uncle everyone likes. I think he’s the least changed from how he is in SW7; he’s a laid-back pilot with no special powers, and while he’s probably the most static and admittedly flat character (and unfortunately more minor than the other two) he has tons of charisma and optimism to compensate, though being the one who keeps everyone sane definitely helps. Not to mention his piloting skills; which, note, are never eclipsed by Rey, because that’s dumb. His skills are a bit more downplayed here, but he’s still extremely good, especially for his age. Despite being the pilot he’s the most down-to-earth, and may be the only one of the big four with any social skills, even if he’s a bit dorky, especially regarding BB-8.

Son of Rebel pilots, graduated top of his class in the Republic Flight Academy, and his background is squeaky clean, no drug trading involved, though he spent a lot of his adolescence and his adulthood in the Academy or in the military, just like in pre-TROS supplementary material. He’s the main source of jokes and wisecracks out of the trio in all but the most dorky of Fangirl!Rey routes probably, teaching Cynical!Rey and Finn what it’s like to smile and laugh. He still has a close relationship with Leia and Han; possibly closer to the latter due to the latter being a pilot and likely still a General. Not sure about him keeping his rank because him starting and staying at the top might mesh awkwardly with the rest of the trio, but maybe he’s still a Commander; whichever makes his inclusion in the main cast most plausible. Due to an adorable Pixiv comic I found he may have been inspired to become a pilot by Luke or Han. I’d like to think that he breaks the hotshot pilot cliché a bit by not being too overly arrogant, immediately setting himself apart from Han by being a wholesome guy there for his buddies from the start, even if he is fond of wisecracking and snarkiness (probably from hanging around Han and Leia), and inside that laid-back personality lies a hotblooded, passionate, unwavering core. Like, he’s not exactly hotheaded like a Latin stereotype (*ahem*), but he’s got this more subtle, but still apparent, underlying fiery hotbloodedness to him, something that especially makes itself apparent in high-stress situations and when it comes to his loved ones. He’d also be Rey and Finn’s mentor of sorts in stuff that doesn’t involve the Force, being their role model for what a functional member of society is. He may make some self-depreciating jokes about being “normal”, but I think mostly he’ll take it in stride. Though I can see him and Han having a chat about this in a more quiet scene.

Ironically, out of the trio he could maybe be said to be the most suited to be a Jedi personality-wise, despite the fact that he has no Force Sensitivity whatsoever; he goes with the flow, he isn’t troubled, he’s happy with the simple pleasures in life, he’s just a good, genuine guy who does good things, passionate but not obsessive, and he’s forgiving, willing to give even an enemy soldier a chance, appealing to the humanity in him. The last one is particularly Luke-like, don’t you think? Oh, to elaborate on the escape; I still like the idea of him giving Finn his name (though another idea I love is a fallen friend giving Finn his name, that would change stuff around a lot from what I am thinking at this moment). I also think that perhaps supplemental material or some flashbacks, or even an animated short could be made showing just how Poe broke Finn’s programming; by showing him genuine kindness, because somehow, despite his lack of Force Sensitivity, he saw that FN-2187 could be talked out of his programming if he was constantly nice to him, befriending him, starting up casual chatter with him, and after a while the trooper starts opening up to this pilot. …Yeah, Luke-like indeed. Though since there is the plot hole of why Finn could be convinced in mere days and why he’s the only one guarding such a high-profile prisoner, a more realistic idea may be that they talk to each other this way a few times, then Poe escapes and Finn goes after him before they both crash on Jakku and have to work together, with Poe immediately being friendly with Finn and later Rey, to his (and her) confusion. (I can just imagine Poe being all chipper and trying to engage Finn in conversation, or telling him “Good job, sport!” after they fight off bandits or something, and Finn just is all deadpan and “We are enemies, we have no reason to fraternize” and I find that kind of cute).

He may ultimately be the most static of the main cast, but I can see him having a huge impact in more subtle ways; like maybe Rey and Finn think of what Poe might do in a given situation in their training, and he could be the catalyst behind why Finn thinks that Kylo can be redeemed, just like how Poe was able to light another way when it felt like there was only one path for him. He also definitely wouldn’t be the type to be so reckless with his men like he was in TLJ, if he’s still a Commander; he cares about his men a lot, and in fact they may be the reason why he tends to act like an older brother. I can imagine a pretty poignant scene with Finn where Finn sees Poe by himself and BB-8 paying respects to his fallen comrades by this handmade cenotaph, as he sets some flowers down and pours a drink to them, and Finn once again is able to see how different the culture outside the First Order is, as he would have never been mourned like that if he died on the battlefield, nor can he imagine he ever would have done so himself. Or maybe Rey is there too, because if this is Cynical Rey she’s only known a life where people exploited each other. Maybe other characters like Jessika (who he’s already close to I think? Did she show up in the movies though?) or Rose would have the opportunity to be more than background characters by being part of his crew, and we’d get some charming scenes about the bond he has with his squadron.

Again, admittedly he’d be the least deep character out of the big four, with his feelings not being explored nearly as much. But he probably doesn’t really hide his feelings much anyway. For any supplementary shorts involving him, they would be mainly lighter stories about his relationship with the OT cast and their families and his friendship with BB-8 and his crew, or action-y ones about missions he’s gone on; as opposed to, say, Finn, which would show his life as an expendable trooper who knew nothing but war, Cynical!Rey and her crushing loneliness and growing disillusionment to the world as she struggles to survive, or Padawan!Rey and her anguish and grappling with the Dark Side in the aftermath of the Jedi Massacre.

I can also imagine him being this adorable Shipper On Deck for Finnrey lol. Just looking at his two friends, all proud, maybe even tearing up like “*sniff* I’m not crying Buddy, you’re crying!” when the inevitable big kiss scene happens. I can also imagine him being the one to tell Finn that “Hey Finn, what you’re feeling is love!”…And then he has to spend hours trying to explain what love even is to him lol. He always has his friends’ back after all. Again, he’s most likely the one guy who isn’t completely socially inept among these dorks. I’ve also had the potential idea that he could maybe be a good cook, and he’d be the one who introduces Rey and Finn to actually good food. Some fics I’ve noticed tend to show him cooking stuff probably for that reason. It’s just kind of cute, and it sets a good example if despite his traditionally masculine, salt-of-the-earth character, he likes some less “manly” stuff like such and sees no shame in it.

He may sacrifice himself in a blaze of glory towards the end, especially because quite frankly he may lose his plot relevance as the story goes on, though it would definitely be way more respectful than a lot of deaths were treated in the sequels. But I also want him to stick around because I want to imagine him being all proud of Rey and Finn after they propose to each other and giddily planning their wedding, and I feel he could have some very good interactions with Ben to build on for any spinoffs taking place after the trilogy. Speaking of…

Kylo Ren/Ben Solo: AKA Yet Another Ball Of Lost Potential: Anti-Villain Addition. This is gonna be a doozy, so strap in. He was probably the most developed character here but that just makes his lost potential stick out even more, so I have so much to say about him.

About 27 probably. While people complain about it, I actually like him being a manchild. It makes him a bit unique in this series. It’s kind of like Vader if he didn’t get stuck in that suit and kept acting like Anakin. In fact, that could make him even more terrifying if that feeds into how destructive he can be; at first he seems like your typical intimidating SW villain, not even that bad a leader with a seemingly calm if tense, imposing air, but it eventually becomes clear he’s this terrifying, volatile berserker who can throw some of the most destructive tantrums ever, and is ultimately a pathetic, broken, pitiful shell of a man. …He just happens to be a very powerful shell of a man. Maybe if he becomes emotional or angry enough, he can unleash powerful shockwaves that basically blow up everything around him, or cause mini Force Storms, or cause any number of unpredictable effects. Though he’s not quite constantly raging either; these berserk states are indeed triggered by anger, but I’m thinking that they are also basically weaponized panic attacks, there’s a sense that it’s also a self-defense mechanism that he lapses into when emotions overwhelm him or when he otherwise feels threatened (though whether it’s necessarily involuntary all the time I’m not so sure; but while he’d definitely want to be able to trigger them voluntarily, there will always be some sense that he doesn’t have full control over it). Also a lot of his rage is directed inwards as well, much like with his grandfather. I thought that maybe his unpredictability in these rages would be the key to his destructiveness, though I can see how someone who is out of control would also pose a problem, no matter how powerful; so maybe this is when he becomes the most focused, becoming locked onto the elimination of the perceived threat at all costs, and/or he can be controlled by his Master more directly like some kind of attack animal.

Luke’s first padawan, or at least after Leia or Grogu (I might make him show up as Luke’s first knighted pupil and allude to this, providing more exposition on Kylo, and being one of the Jedi who help fight in the final battle as the Skywalkers go on to take on the final boss (and Grogu’s name being revealed would be a massive hype moment in The Mandalorian)). Due to his storied family, plus the name of his uncle and grandfather’s own master, he had heavy expectations on his (at the time) small shoulders from an early age. However, he had long been tormented by the Dark Side due to an untraceable curse placed upon him by Snoke, and probably a pre-existing anxious personality. The expectations placed on him, or maybe perhaps just self-imposed expectations, only worsened his turmoil, resulting in a festering mess of self-hatred, extreme perfectionism, and an obsession with familial honor and obsessive attachment to his family, especially Luke, that is a nasty combination of hero-worship and the abovementioned complexes and may border on almost incestuous.

There’s three ways for his backstory to go; “Underachiever Ben”, where Ben is either mediocre as a Jedi or still good but outperformed by others, or “Elsa Ben”, where he’s basically like Elsa from Frozen, possessing an extreme amount of power but barely able to control it, possibly due to Snoke’s curse, and a sort of middle ground, where Ben was super strong and a quick learner, but the dark side in him made Luke feel mixed about Ben’s increasing power, which Ben sensed. If the former, Ben becomes increasingly frustrated at himself for being such a “failure”. If “Elsa Ben”, there’s that, and also the added pain of him growing up terrified of himself and able to sense the terror he causes to those around him, so he was taken in by Luke so hopefully Luke could figure something out; he could have been destructive from the start, or maybe he started to become increasingly destructive despite his training. If the middle ground route, he takes Luke’s mixed emotions to mean that he doesn’t think he’s good enough. How severe Snoke’s curse would have been I’m not fully sure on; he could have voices in his head and nightmares keeping him up for days, chipping away at his sanity, tempting him to accept the darkness, or it may have just been an amplifying of his already unstable emotions. They could have even started as the latter and escalated to the former. But I’m thinking that to best explain his behavior I’m leaning towards the Elsa route. Eventually, his nightmares morphed into repeated visits by Darth Vader, his grandfather, who told him about the truth of his lineage and how he became Vader, slandering everything and everyone he ever admired or loved, telling him of his “true” destiny, and how he should give up and embrace it; unable to hear the real Anakin’s ghost screaming at him to not repeat his mistake. This extended campaign of mental torment stunted his emotional growth in many aspects, and at times he may seem to regress even more. Maybe other padawans were afraid of him because of this dark side presence, avoiding him, and/or were jealous of him because of his lineage and relation to Luke. He often felt entitled to be Luke’s right hand, getting jealous at other students and taking any reprimanding, no matter how gentle, extremely personally. Luke would have needed to struggle between not seeming to be biased towards his nephew and giving him the attention he needed, especially because Ben would feel like Han and Leia abandoned him because they weren’t able to help him, but considering how attached he is to Luke this would hurt him. So when Luke went to speak to him one night, or rushed in sensing an overwhelming dark side presence in his room, and was suddenly attacked by Snoke with a vision of what his nephew would become and making him go into fighting mode for a split second, drawing his weapon to protect Ben, and/or earlier admitted in anguish that he had no idea what was tormenting him despite his efforts, the straw broke the pedestal and he resigned himself to his “destiny”. Ironically he’s just exchanging one sky-high ideal for another, but he’s too emotionally immature to realize this, nor does he fully realize the fact that Snoke merely sees him as a malleable, gullible means to an end. Yet he still feels that pesky pull to the light, and he becomes increasingly frustrated with himself that even as a Dark side user, he still can’t be “perfect” or “worth” anything, not even able to sink himself into the darkness and finally rid himself of his pain. For all the privilege and power he has, or because of it, he always feels worthless.

Basically I want to break him down and make his pitifulness obvious, but that’s what makes him sympathetic. He’s nowhere as far gone as Vader, even if he wants to be, kind of like a reverse Jekyll and Hyde situation where the Hyde is dominant but Jekyll hangs on, so to speak? Maybe? Is that the right analogy? Or I guess it is kind of like Anakin but sort of not, but he’s rapidly going down the same route of hurting his family like his grandfather.

From researching a bit, his proposed behavior seems pretty close to the symptoms of BPD, which is actually pretty fitting because I was thinking Luke’s philosophy on the Force would be influenced by a more modern understanding of psychology, and Dialectical Behavior Therapy actually seems pretty in tune with what I understand to be how the Light Side of the Force works (I mean it even has basis in religious meditation…). Perhaps a mystical version of DBT was one of the things Luke was studying in exile. Though obviously it isn’t exactly BPD; portraying an actual, named mental illness not only has way too much baggage behind it, but it breaks immersion. And with him a lot of it will be the influence of the curse, though I think I would rather him have a personality that made him vulnerable to it from the start, so the curse had something to latch onto.

Going with the “Elsa Ben” scenario, his “real” personality is anxious and even a bit shy. While I like the idea of him being cheerful when he was very little, the shyness always being there is also a characterization I like. Combined with his lumbering physique from his teenage years onwards, this made him a kid who gave off an impression of being extremely dorky (an act that would probably be very natural for Adam Driver to pull off lol) and/or withdrawn and aloof, the latter of which may have made some other padawans think he thought highly of himself and start to resent him. Unlike Anakin he’d be probably a dutiful student, almost creepily obedient, probably actively distancing himself from rebellious behavior, though his way of speaking isn’t exactly super formal either because of the influence of the adults around him. In his obsessions lies a genuine love, even if twisted, of his “favorite person” so to speak. He was also a genuinely sweet kid who wanted to please these special people in his life. He could be said to be actually really selfless in a weird way, because ultimately he values familial honor and being “good enough” for whatever higher purpose more than he values himself. TROS implied some sassiness with that Han-like shrug, and while I can maybe see some of Han rubbing off on him like that, that might be something that started from him trying to copy his parents’ air of confidence, and another coping mechanism. He might, like Vader, have a 501st legion 2.0 which Phasma is in charge of and Finn is part of, and show a more nicer side to them. Perhaps he opened up one or two times to Finn specifically; I can see this image of him venting to him while Finn stands still like how someone might vent to their dog, not really expecting Finn to be listening (also sarcasm might help Kylo obscure his true anguish from Finn, because FO troopers don’t understand sarcasm probably).

He will be redeemed at the end… and live. Even if not necessarily paired with Rey. I’m neutral on Reylo (though admittedly I have a weak spot for pairs involving a strong woman and a troubled guy, so it’s kind of growing on me), but I really think this ship, or even centering the story strongly around a platonic relationship between these two, could have worked if it was built up strongly (Though if I were to go this route Finn would have to be established as a secondary character from the start, with Rey as the definitive main character, to focus on this). But either way, he’s definitely going to have to face the consequences of what he’s done, make up for his atrocities at least somewhat, and think about what he truly wants to do from now on. I can imagine him quietly reading stories to younglings as Rey, Finn, and Luke train some other pupils outside, or thanklessly working behind the scenes in other ways. For his haters out there, I could make the pill easier to swallow not just by making the reasons for his fall and how he was slowly and meticulously gaslit more clear, but also making him not as awful. Yes, he’s extremely destructive, but he could show more reluctance, or pause after his berserker rages, staring at the destruction he’s caused as the weight of what he’s done sinks in. He’d of course resent that he still has mercy left in him though. I don’t think that there will be a Starkiller Base, but even if there was he might argue with Hux a bit over whether it’s really necessary, until Hux sneers at him for having mercy, saying that Vader never hesitated when blowing up Alderaan, and Kylo reluctantly backs off.

…Actually, what about making him and Rey cousins? On one hand, if Rey is a Skywalker by blood, a direct daughter of the Master himself no less, Ben is now suddenly freed from carrying the weight of the family legacy on his own. On the other hand… He basically loses the thing he has spent his entire life building his identity around; since his fall would have partially been because of his obsession with Luke, he may become jealous and extremely resentful of her, and/or take this as even more reason for Luke to not “need” him anymore. Or perhaps, he pulls a reverse of “I sense the conflict in you” with her, wanting to “save” her from embracing the Light and wanting her to embrace the “true” Skywalker destiny with him. He could even be overjoyed that he could have someone else alongside him to carry on the legacy with; in this scenario he could have an unhealthy obsession with her that might also start crossing into “are you sure this isn’t incest?” territory. Yeah it’s a “join me and we can rule together” scenario again, but it would be done differently. Or perhaps it’s a mix of some of those. Exploring that and how he chooses to take it could be extremely interesting. Maybe it’s resolved when Anakin tells him to “finish what he started”… not just by saving the galaxy, but by also living the rest of his life loving his family not as an ideal, but as family, like Anakin wasn’t allowed to. And platonic Reylo sounds nice too. Though that’s going to make all that shipping fanart so awkward lol. Well it’s not as if Star Wars shippers haven’t been cockblocked by incest before (though his obsession with family and extremely questionable mental state would probably make such shippers go nuts anyway…).

And going off of Poe being close to his parents, while the main interactions with Kylo from the heroes would be Rey, Finn if he’s the second protagonist, Luke, and his parents, I can see potential for an interesting dynamic and some interesting conversations between them too. Much like how he might react to Rey being Luke’s daughter, I can see him being jealous of Poe and resenting him for being his “replacement”, but after his redemption I can see potential for seeing the start of a friendship between them in epilogue comics, novels, or a mini-series. It would be pretty in-character for my version of Poe to want to help rehabilitate his sort-of stepbrother. Also I now have the adorable mental image of Ben quietly helping Poe (and maybe the rest of his squad) decorate and arrange Rey and Finn’s wedding, or the two surprising Finn with a very elaborate bachelor party, though I’m not sure if those exist in this universe. And because of a certain Inside Llewyn Davis scene I’m also imagining Poe getting Ben to sing with him and BB-8. It’s adorable.

Also if both Rey and Finn are the main heroes, he might have some kind of link with both of them, and the main duo would both contrast him in their own way (lonely scavenger who no one expected anything of and nameless trooper who defected from the First Order vs. someone who grew up in greatness but seemingly threw it away and chose to be in the First Order; and much like Kylo Finn in particular has been manipulated from childhood to do heinous things, so he may sympathize with his situation). Maybe he’s the missing piece needed for both him and the leading duo to reach their full potential, or the main duo are the last piece needed to finally break Snoke’s curse on him, or something. Or it could simply just be Finn showing his growth and strength of character by understanding and forgiving Kylo, despite him now understanding just how badly the First Order treated him, which makes Rey (who, again, might start as this super cynical scavenger or may have seen Kylo go berserk and massacre her friends and betray her Master) come around to the idea. In this scenario it may actually be even more important to emphasize that Rey and Finn are two making up a whole, so as not to bog stuff down. It’s possible to ship Finnrey and want Kylo to have a better ending, what a shock!

Maybe Rey and Kylo could switch places, and he comes back to the light in SW8, which is an idea I’ve seen floated and is something that would make the story truly unique. He would seem like basically a less stable Vader 2.0 at the start, but over SW8 he could be seen breaking more and more out of his own terrible mindset, coming to a head in a cathartic realization that bring him back into the arms of his beloved family. It would also add an interesting dynamic that he and Finn have to be equals now. But that may mean that Rey would have to be killed off and I’m not so sure about that.

Though speaking of her, since in all these scenarios a common thread is that she understandably doesn’t like him, it would be a bit of a twist if Finn sees the good in him but Rey, if she’s a Skywalker, his cousin, doesn’t.

And to bring up Poe again, I also really like the idea of them having been childhood friends and thus knowing each other before the events of SW7; after all, they’re around similar age, it isn’t that far-fetched to think that former Rebel families would be still pretty close to each other, and I’ve seen some adorable fanfics with the concept. It also adds connection between them and adds even more tragedy, even if this relationship may have to be elaborated more in supplementary material due to time. I can definitely Poe speaking like an old friend to Kylo and constantly calling him “Ben”, to his irritation. The abovementioned feeling of being replaced could be what caused Ben to suddenly break off the friendship. And making the main cast kind of tight-knit like this might also help make the cast easier to manage.

Granted, there is the possibility of killing him off, though. I heard that one of the initial ideas for TFA was apparently that Kylo would be a reverse Vader, falling deeper and deeper into the Dark Side as the trilogy goes on. In fact, this may have been where Kylo killing Han may have been leading to. This actually sounded like a super cool idea, but considering the backstory I laid out I thought it would be way too bittersweet for the concluding movie of the saga, and if one were to say Kylo basically has BPD… That might lead to some unfortunate implications. I mean nothing is stopping me from not using the Elsa backstory, and if I didn’t use it maybe this route would be pretty viable, but I’m kind of starting to get attached to it.

—

Other characters:

Hux: I’ve never really been a villain person. I mean I liked sympathetic villains, yeah (but even then I preferred anti-heroes for a while; I’m talking like nothing beyond N from Pokémon levels of “evil”), but straight-up villains I just have merely seen as obstacles. Like back in my Smash fic days I was often like “Eh… They’re there… Because they want to take over the world I guess?”. It’s why I’m having trouble with Snoke probably lol. But for some reason Hux interests me. If I take a guess it’s probably because of the potential he had as an actual foil to Kylo in his own faction. He had so much potential as a villain, and in having this tense dynamic play out. In fact he does seem to have been set up that way in SW7. But yeah, I imagine him as one coldhearted bastard. His backstory, though not elaborated on in the movies, would be much like TFA supplementary material set him up; he’d still have killed his father, but while yes, Brendol was abusive and strict, Armitage didn’t kill him completely because he was a young man who wanted to break free from his strict father, but also genuinely because he knew doing so would be good for his standing. Unlike Kylo when he (most likely) kills Han, he doesn’t regret killing Brendol at all. While he might have a tragic backstory kind of explaining his behavior, it doesn’t bother him at all, while Kylo, who considering what happened to him and how he’s literally under a curse you’d think would have a much steeper fall into unabashed evil, is constantly conflicted. It’s a very Sith Lord-like backstory funnily enough… In fact I’m pretty sure that Palpatine had a backstory very similar to this with his parents.

He’s a very logical, analytical, brutally pragmatic person, and he looks upon Kylo’s emotional state with condescension. I’m increasingly starting to like the idea that he’s somehow able to talk Kylo down, while still being hardly nice. Perhaps he preys upon Kylo’s constant need for approval from others, even if he doesn’t like the person in question (this may also be why Kylo reacts so strongly to Finn escaping as well, in fact. He genuinely cares about people’s loyalty, even from literal no-name soldiers). Though I can’t decide whether he’s this deceptively charming snake or basically an evil Spock. I also can’t decide between him being in this constant state of “Why do I have to babysit this manchild” or giving absolutely no visible f*cks around Kylo no matter what happens, or even straight-up trolling him often, toying with his emotions because it amuses him; preferably two or a bit of all somehow? I can see him using having met Vader as a child to mock Kylo for how much of a pale, childish imitation he is, or reminding Kylo of how much better he is as a leader objectively; perhaps that’s what he holds over Kylo’s head. Or him explaining to Kylo how he was raised by less than stellar parenting and tried so hard to live up to his strict father too… So he brutally murdered Brendol in cold blood (possibly with Phasma’s help), became a better admiral than he ever was, and got over it “Like an adult. Unlike you.”. They’d be in this constant state of delicate, tense equality; Kylo can easily overpower Hux if he pisses him off a bit too much, but Hux is able to walk that fine edge seemingly without much effort.

But when he realizes whatever grand cosmic plot he and the entire First Order has been participating in this whole time is when, ironically, there would probably be a really dramatic villainous breakdown from him. It’s kind of a Zuko and Azula situation with Kylo and Hux perhaps? Or is this Hux more a mix of Azula and Zhao’s roles rather?

——

Worldbuilding stuff: Since I’m more a character person, there isn’t much here, but because the worldbuilding was another issue in the movies I’ll also be adding these.

The New Republic isn’t nuked in the first movie. In fact it stays there for the duration of the trilogy and the hero faction is now its armed forces, not The Resistance (Also that name makes no sense. Seriously. At least name them The Peacekeeper Corps or Vigilantes or something, or since they’re basically Leia’s personal military maybe the Organa Free Army or Organa Corps or something of that sort. No wonder people mistakenly call them The Rebels sometimes. It’s a similar setup to Chrom’s Shepherds in Fire Emblem Awakening, albeit with a better relationship with the kingdom; it would be downright strange if the Shepherds called themselves The Resistance despite literally existing with the queen’s permission, and it still is here. Hell, Leia’s Shepherds is a better name). There would be elaboration on the political stuff going on behind the scenes, and if Leia isn’t a Jedi that’s her plotline probably, though a big part of me wants her to be part of the action instead of being stuck on the homeworld.

Meanwhile, The First Order is made up of Imperial Remnants and people and planets who were unsatisfied with the democratic but still new and fragile New Republic. Basically think White Russians if the Soviets weren’t also awful. It happens a lot in history. While it may have some mining planets in its orbit (not literally, you know what I mean) so it can plausibly refurbish anything Kylo wrecks with his tantrums, Starkiller Base is probably a bit much, and a lot of their equipment might be old Imperial or Rebel stuff, or stolen from the New Republic, with new stuff being produced but not in overly high quantity. Some of the equipment deemed less important might even be kind of crappy due to how old they are. They’d probably be at most an equally powerful faction to the Republic, if not smaller than them, seeming more like a terrorist cell. I don’t have much of an idea why Snoke would want to be involved in it yet though.

But while the First Order might be smaller, the New Republic is hindered by it just now finally gaining its footing, and the military previously only having been used for peacekeeping and sniping stray Imperial remnants. Because it’s peacetime, it might have been kept pretty small, and also the military academies are literally not even 30 years old at this point, so new that it’s possible Poe, despite his youth, was one of the earliest graduates; one of the military’s most high-ranking officers is literally a scoundrel with no formal training - even if he is good at his job - it isn’t exactly a well-oiled machine, though its less rigid, casual structure also does benefit it in some aspects. Also the FO can easily use Kylo as intimidation, and its upper staff is nothing if not driven and motivated as well as ruthless. They may engage in more underhanded actions like sabotage and suicide bombers, or rely on small elite units like the Knights of Ren or small companies of troopers, to poke holes in the enemy just as much as open combat. And maybe if all else fails Snoke causes something really bad to happen seemingly out of nowhere.

While I do think that making the baddies an Empire 2.0 is an… uncreative decision, I want to keep Finn’s backstory, plus it fits Kylo’s story too so blah, I kind of have to keep it. Plus I want to do Phasma and Hux justice. Maybe Snoke or whatever it serves turns into a giant Eldritch abomination and have no use for the FO anymore. And again, reactionary forces are a thing that have existed throughout early modern history. But as already mentioned, due to the nature of the First Order’s existence, maybe the Stormtroopers aren’t kidnapped, but they were orphans picked off the streets, and/or some more dedicated Imperial parents gave them their children? I had the idea that Troopers like Finn are “Junior Troopers”, the child slave type, while older members, “Senior Troopers”, would be legit Imperial revanchists and former troopers. Maybe there’s a separate company of Juniors who think they’re cool by fighting for the First Order, but generally Juniors would be the lowest on the social rung, though some might make it into higher positions, and don’t know any other life than what they have now. Though I also like the idea that Finn was part of an elite unit directly connected to Kylo Ren like the 501st, so he has a reason to be particularly hurt by his betrayal (but that could throw a wrench in the whole Finn was a faceless cog in the machine thing). They’re pretty Prussian in command structure; officers work under mission-tactics, but the rank-and-file are machine-like in their discipline, more than even some actual droids. The Republic’s forces also probably engage in mission-tactics a lot, except how far it is acceptable goes way further down the chain of command, so stuff like the Holdo situation doesn’t happen. If that situation were to happen when mission-tactics were to be expected Poe’s independent action would be seen as reasonable. This would have potential for very interesting battles and tactics, though I’d need a lot of help with those because I’m the furthest thing from a tactician you can find (but even I can tell the bomber scene from TLJ was dumb, which should say something).

I kind of realized that it’s possible that the four OT legacy characters may end up basically representing four major aspects of the New Republic; the Jedi (Luke), law and justice (Leia, if she’s a senator), the military (Han, if he’s a general), and economics (Lando). I think some worldbuilding into how the republic functions should be explored through these characters as they move the story forward, except for the Jedi since they’re obviously a central focus, and Luke might very well be introduced after them, and the military will also get focus for obvious reasons, and Poe exists. The information definitely needs to be conveyed as efficiently and organically as possible through the story, because there’s two, likely three, equally important main characters and an unholy amount of secondary characters who aren’t exactly minor.

May write more later idk. I need to be doing other stuff…

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littlemisspascal · 3 years

Text

Ezra’s Journal Entries #1-3

Fandom: Prospect / Pedro Pascal

Pairing: Ezra x Female!Reader

Word Count: 1,269

Summary: You and I were made from the same star, you said with such conviction it stole the breath from my lungs, bound to each other for eternity by the Currents of the universe.

Warnings: angsty fluff, Ezra’s dealing with the aftermath of the Green, language, 1st person POV (Ezra), dialogue in italics because that’s just how I chose to do it, no beta so all mistakes are mine

Author Note: I know I said Death and Angel would come out next, but I got such a inspiration high and the words came out so quickly I just told myself screw it and decided to share what I have. If anyone thinks this is a series worth pursuing, let me know. If you don’t, well, just be gentle please 💖

Cross-posted on AO3

Entries #4-6

Look for additional notes at the bottom.

My name is Ezra.

I have my mama to thank for that. Time has erased her face from my memory, but her voice is ingrained into the tissue of my brain the same way these words are inked on this parchment. She was a bonafide believer that the meaning of a child’s name influenced the course of their destiny. When I was no taller than the height of her waist I learned my own name’s denotation: help.

It’s just a tick too ironic, isn’t it? To be destined to help others when I can’t help my own self. I gave the Green far too little credit. It didn’t just pilfer my arm to satisfy its ravenousness, it greedily stole my sense of purpose too.

Every night I thank the deities you didn’t accompany me there. If the Green had taken you...

I know how worried you are about me, little love of mine. When I look at you, I find you already looking back, a sweet smile gracing your lips even as concern burns in your eyes as an eternal flame. From day one you’ve always been looking at me, seeing every disgraced flaw and scar—even the invisible ones carved into the darkest edges of my soul. Kevva knows I’ve never been capable of concealing anything from you, but fuck if I don’t wish I could sometimes.

You’re asleep now as I write this, tucked against my side in the vacant space my arm once occupied, drooling on my shirt. I love you so much it hurts. A black hole in my chest perpetually aching to be filled by your presence. And as we venture once more into the starry sea, our ship gliding past the imaginary wings of Noctua, I find myself recalling a theory you once told me many cycles ago about humans being made in the womb with stardust infused in their bones, linking them to the universe. You and I were made from the same star, you said with such conviction it stole the breath from my lungs, bound to each other for eternity by the Currents of the universe.

And it’s undoubtedly selfish, but all I could think of in that tender moment beyond kissing you was how I didn’t want an eternity spent together with our cosmic bodies intertwined.

I want longer.

Soon after we awoke and each consumed a slice of bush bread bought during our recent docking at Kamrea, you fiddled with the channels on the ship’s radio, hoping to hear news from your homeworld but cursing when you only heard static. Then, without an ounce of forewarning, music burst out with an almighty scream through the speakers at full volume, flooding the whole compartment with a woman’s warbling. It was the same crusted Vayok song that merc Inumon blared in my ears during my last night on the Green, every note an individual needle piercing my skull, impossible to ignore.

Reality deserted me, leaving me to sink to the depths of the abyss within my mind where all I could see was Cee’s pale, disturbed expression as she looked to me for guidance. I remembered how my tongue felt clumsy in my mouth as I tried my damnedest to negotiate our transport, thinking if I could just piece together the right sequence of words, if I could just get their lingering eyes off of her, then maybe, maybe we’d have a chance at salvation.

The memories coalesced, overlapping and blurring and mixing out of order. Each one was drenched in spilt blood.

Then your pinky wrapped around mine. The touch was soft yet firm, the action childlike in its innocence. It was such a jarring contradiction to my mind’s violent narrative, my consciousness was hurtled back into the living quarters of our ship as a result. You didn’t say anything when you saw I returned to you. Instead, you swallowed down the questions lodged in your throat and led me by our entwined fingers back to our bed.

There’s a plant back home called a dandelion, you told me with my head resting in your lap, a far better comfort than any pillow could provide me. It’s the only plant in the galaxy you can see the sun, the moon and the stars when you look at it. That’s not why it’s my favorite though.

I asked how it had won your heart’s favor if not due to its resemblance to the celestial bodies, then immediately found myself mesmerized by the smile that lit up your face as you peered down at me. My chest cavity tightened as I was filled with the profound longing to be able to suspend time, if only so I could stretch this moment to match the length of our separation, if only so I could erase the old and replace it with the beautiful new.

Dandelions grant wishes, babe. Anything you wish for with your whole heart, it will be yours to have.

I told you I wouldn’t wish for anything—nothing else in the galaxy could compare to the prettiest, wisest soul I’d ever encountered in all my years traversing it. You saw right through that lie with the same confident ease you see through all my masks and diversions, but—for the second time in the span of an hour—you held your tongue.

This journal’s as good a place as any to admit the honest truth. So here it is: I wish with the entirety of my bloody, beating heart I could be the man you deserve, little love of mine.

When you read, whether it be a book or the flight manual, you have the precious habit of mouthing the words. I don’t think you have the faintest notion you’re even doing it, which makes it all the more endearing to watch.

My brother had a similar habit, always nose deep in the yellowing pages of classic literature, except he had a proclivity to spoil the plot when he talked in his sleep. I remember there was one particular novel he returned to often, sometimes reading from beginning to end, other times seeking out specific segments he’d underlined in bold, black pen. It was a rather dreary tale about war and rivalry and the process of determining one’s own identity. I became so exasperated with my brother’s obsession I considered shredding it on more than one occasion, only to immediately hate myself for entertaining the thought.

It was only after his death—twelve whole cycles, in fact—that I summoned up the will to open the front cover. Seeing his name scribbled in the corner, cursive and neat and so utterly him, nearly had me tearing the book in half, overcome with a vicious rage I had never known prior nor have I encountered since. But by the almighty grace of Kevva I reigned it in, chaining it to the agony and fear imprisoned within the confines of my rib cage, and turned the page.

There was one segment underlined not once, but three times, nearly bleeding ink onto the page behind it. When I close my eyes, the words are tattooed on the backs of my eyelids, as haunting as they are comforting.

So the more things remained the same, the more they changed after all. Nothing endures. Not love, not a tree, not even a death by violence.

The author lived and died centuries before my brother’s inception, that is an inarguable fact.

But I know those words were written for him all the same.

Notes:

There is an actual theory humans are made of stardust ✨

The Sater within Prospect mention the Currents as being responsible for bringing Ezra and Cee to them, so I imagine them as similar to the Fates/Moirai in Greek mythology.

Noctua is a real life, extinct constellation that is Latin for owl. I thought within this Prospect universe it could exist as a type of landmark or coordinate. Plus I love owls 🦉

Crusted is a term from Prospect Ezra uses. Equivalent of damn. I think there’s something funny about how they use creamy as a positive adjective and crusted as negative.

Vayok is the alien language Inumon speaks within the movie, so I decided to write the song she blares as being sung in the same language

Bush bread is referenced in a deleted scene by Ezra, but a google search revealed to me it’s also a real life type of bread too

In the same deleted scene Ezra references that he has a brother. I haven’t decided his name yet/if he will have one

The book and quote Ezra refers to in #3 is John Knowles’ A Separate Peace. One of the few required reading books I liked back in high school.

The quote about dandelions being the sun, moon and stars is based on the legend of how dandelions came into existence. I always thought it was beautiful.

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#ezra #ezra prospect #Prospect #ezra x reader #ezra x you #pedro pascal #pedro pascal character fanfiction #ezra's journal #prospect fanfiction #ezra fanfic #my fic #my writing #pedrostories

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horansqueen · 4 years

Text

You & Me : chapter 6

A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA

Sequel to AM CONVERSATIONS

CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2 || CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 4 || CHAPTER 5

NOTES:

-one chapter is her pov, the next is his. -5.2k -im sorry, i never proofread, i hate it. -there WILL be smut. but not only smut. -this is a romance, comedy, smut story. -for the summary, check my MASTERLIST.

- notes: its long because i had a lot to write, oops! also i tried to put as many requests for this chapter as I got. i suggest you dont look at them before reading the chapter or itll spoil it majorly to you! here are the requests!

the first one is the main request. and the others are the requests i got when i asked for requests for this specific chapter! :)

(SPOILERS OF THE CHAPTER)

Chapter 6 : Her chapter

OLIVIA

I pulled on my skirt when i got out of the car, feeling slightly uncomfortable and regretting wearing it. I was mostly a pants person and even just wearing jeans was annoying me sometimes. I knew all the girls present would look incredible, though, and I didn't want to feel ugly around them. I bent down to look at my face in the mirror of the car and sighed before turning back to my boyfriend who had a small smile creeping on his lips as he stared at me.

"How do I look?" I asked, raising my eyebrows with concern.

He didn't answer yet, he just just walked up to me, taking his hands out of his pockets and wrapping his arms around my waist. I felt his fingertips brush on my spine and my lips curled slightly.

"So good i'm actually thinking about ditching them and driving back home to fuck you into the mattress." he whispered with a smirk, looking down at me as I tilted my chin up. "One word from you and I jump back in the car."

I giggled a bit stupidly and was about to answer when we both heard the door open and I saw Heidi in the frame with Niall slightly behind. She waved at us and I was suddenly very happy of my choice of clothing. Dylan remained close to me and sent her a smile, a chin movement and a small wave before turning back to look into my eyes.

"Well, there goes our plan." he joked in a low tone, raising his eyebrows at me and making me laugh. "I guess we're gonna have to rain check on sexy time."

He chuckled and his arms slipped off my waist but he grabbed one of my hands with his and pulled me in the door's direction. I stopped him and he turned around with a questioning look before I tilted my head and frowned.

"When we get back home, perhaps?"

His facial expression changed and he moved back closer to me, squeezing my fingers in his.

"I'm sorry babe, I really have to sleep early today remember? I work tomorrow morning, I have to wake up at 4:30."

I bit my bottom lip and nodded but the truth was, I had completely forgotten. I let my eyes roam on his face and held my breath, trying not to sigh. I was not sure if it was a good or a bad thing that I was going to be away from Dylan soon. He was leaving to film a movie and the truth was, we hadn't been away from each other much in the past few months. In fact, we spent most of our time together.

"Are you guys coming?" we both heard Heidi's voice but my boyfriend didn't look away from me.

"I can see you're disappointed. I'm sorry babe, really."

"No, it's okay." I answered with a smile, tilting my head and shaking it slightly. "Don't be sorry, I know you work hard, I knew it was part of the game when we started dating."

His lips curled in a fond smile and he sent me a wink right before we heard Louis' melodic voice from afar. I had asked him to text me when he'd arrive so Dylan and I wouldn't be the first ones there. I didn't want us to interact only with Heidi and Niall or I knew it would have been awkward.

"Hey you two! You can eat each other's face later! Or like, stare deeply and passionately in each other's eyes or whatever! But right now we're all waiting for you!" he screamed, making me chuckle. "Liv! I bought your fave wine too, come on!"

I rolled my eyes but smiled and Dylan laughed slightly before pulling me with him. We walked inside and said hi to everyone but it's only when I felt Niall's arm around my waist that my smile faltered. I tried to tell myself I wouldn't let anything he does affect me but it was practically impossible. It was only his fingertips brushing on the small of my back and I wanted to run away.

"Hey Olivia, thanks so much for coming." he said in a low tone as I felt him press his cheek against mine.

I moved slightly and his stubble scratched my skin, making my heart skip a beat, but I tried not to show it.

"Someone needs to shave!" I joked with a laugh.

He was well-aware that I loved his stubble and would never want him to shave it, but that was part of the little banter we had together and he laughed, raising his eyebrows before bending down again close to me and rubbing his cheek against mine. I pulled away with a grown but started laughing again.

"Ouch!" I let out a bit louder before chuckling. "I hate when you do that!"

"Yea?" he asked, amused, before doing it again. "I thought you loved my stubble!"

He stared in my eyes with a smirk and he was closer than he should be but I didn't move away. By the way he was looking at me, I knew what he was thinking about and he was right : I've always enjoyed to feel his stubble on my inner thighs as he ate me out. I've always loved feeling it scrape my skin as I pressed my thighs around his face while he tongue fucked me. That thought made my pussy throb and I held my breath until someone talked.

"Here!" Louis let out, putting a glass of wine between us and taking me out of my thoughts. "Drink."

I thanked him and tried not to look at Niall again as I followed them to the kitchen. I frowned when I saw the bottle of wine on the counter, noticing the bottle stopper next to it.

"Louis! You said you bought my fave wine but it's literally my own bottle from home!" I exclaimed, turning to look at him and raising my eyebrows.

"Oh shit, did I say 'bought'? I meant 'brought'"

My face changed into an annoyed and unamused expression and he sent me a cute smile, making me roll my eyes as my lips curled slightly.

"It was started, too. You don't bring an already open bottle to hosts." I kept arguing. "You're a bad guest."

"Heyyy, I bought this one and two more, i'm an incredible guest!"

A bunch of us laughed and after chatting for a while, we ended up sitting at the main table. I sat next to Dylan and held my breath when I saw Niall walk closer. He was about to sit on the other side of me when Heidi talked.

"No no, babe! We're sitting here!"

His face changed but he just glanced at me and sent his girlfriend a smile before walking to the other side of the table and sitting right in front of me and next to her. I didn't know if I felt relieved or sad but he kept looking at me and I couldn't help but send him a smile. I noticed Heidi move closer to him and put my attention on her.

"Thank you so much for being here, all of you!" she said, holding her glass up. "We're always all so busy but it's nice to spend time altogether when we can!"

We all clinked our glasses together and I grimaced at Louis who stuck his tongue out at me. I was happy he was there, I felt like I wouldn't be able to stay sane if he was not.

"Oh my god, Olivia and Dylan, you guys are getting married right? I read that somewhere!"

Niall glanced at her and I noticed he rolled his eyes slightly without saying anything. I didn't know if it was because Heidi talked about it or because of the wedding specifically.

"Mmhm, yes." Dylan said, taking a sip of wine. "We are."

"In september I bet." Niall quickly let out. "The 9th I'm guessing."

Everyone remained quiet but he kept staring at me. I remembered us talking about getting married but we had never talked about a date. It did something to me that he knew, and he knew me so well. He knew me better than anyone in the world. He knew me better than myself.

"Well, yes." Dylan finally confessed, slightly uneasy. "I mean, don't tell anyone, we haven't announced it yet, we want to be sure before."

I saw Heidi's eyes open wider in shock when Dylan admitted that Niall had guessed right. I could only imagine what went on in her head and I suddenly felt bad for her. I knew she was not the jealous type but when she moved closer to Niall to ask for a kiss, I could swear she had glanced at me at the same time.

"Sorry mate." Niall said, taking a long sip of the wine after raising his eyebrows. "That's when her grandparents got married. Lucky guess."

The discussion drifted but I kept looking at Niall who sent me a fond smile. I held my breath when I felt one of his feet over mine and my lips parted slightly. I was not wearing socks but I felt the fabric of his brush against the top of my foot. My eyes fluttered at the contact. Just knowing he was touching me made me feel a certain way. It was not sexual, it was just my body suddenly coming alive in a way no one else could make me feel. It took me a few seconds but I finally pulled my foot away but gently, sending him an other small smile.

I helped Heidi clearing the table while the others went to the living room but I noticed Niall glancing at us, probably scared of what would happen. I was not going to make a scene though, and I was pretty sure she wouldn't either, at least I hoped so.

"I know there used to be something special between you and Niall." she let out when we were almost done, without looking at me. "But it's gone now."

I held my breath and licked my lips, not really sure what I should answer to that. It seemed like a fact to her but as she said it, it made me realize it was not true. There was still something special between Niall and I, and there probably always would be. That's why it would be so hard for us to only be friends. Could we even do it?

"Alright."

I turned around and left her alone in the kitchen only to walk to the bathroom. I leaned my hands on the counter after locking the door and closed my eyes, my head slightly down. I tried to breath in and out deeply but I could feel my heart beating hard in my chest and I couldn't seem to slow it down.

I had expected something meaner from Heidi. I knew the kind of person she was, and I knew what she was looking for but somehow, she had agreed to this dinner and I didn't know why. It was not new that she didn't like me and I would have thought she wanted me as far as possible from her boyfriend.

The problem was, I didn't want to be far from Niall and she probably felt it, just like I felt how insecure she was, which was not her type at all. She didn't use to see me like competition, what happened that made her change her mind about me?

I also felt how Dylan tensed when Niall guessed the date of our wedding. It was not so much that he knew that, no, it was more about the whole history Niall and I had together that no one could even begin to understand. He knew it, but the fact that he was now witnessing it made it seem more real. He was not jealous but it would be normal if he felt uncomfortable. I couldn't blame him.

I breathed in deeply, staring at my reflection in the mirror and trying to make something of this mess in my head but nothing seemed to work. Everyone's feelings were at stake and we were all a bit stressed. I also knew that with a few too many drinks, it could become very ugly.

I shook my head slightly and left the bathroom to join the others, hearing them laugh from afar. I sat on the couch next to Dylan and smiled at Louis and Eleanor, sitting together on the floor, almost cuddling. Julie and Liam were practically doing the same on the other couch and I felt Dylan's hand reach for mine and grab my fingers. Everyone was getting a bit tipsy and they were all recalling memories from tour and after. I tried to keep quiet but for some reasons, a lot of anecdotes included me.

"Oh remember that time we all went skiing and Olivia wouldn't stop falling!" Louis pointed out with a chuckle. "Niall had to literally hold her hands and guide her. It was pathetic, she was getting bypassed by a bunch of five year old’s!"

"Louis, I hate you." I just groaned low.

"Or when we ended up playing hide and seek in a hotel." he added, ignoring my comment. "Everyone was found except for these two fuckers! Apparently, they were hiding together in a fucking janitor closet! We never found out what went on during those two hours!"

I grabbed a cushion and threw it at Louis but it only made him laugh. I remembered that time. I remembered my body pressed against Niall's for hours as we chatted together in whispers. I remember feeling his lips in my hair and his hand on my thigh to stop me from moving whenever we heard a noise. Nothing had happened, but it was still a good memory. One that brought a rush to my brain and made me smile.

I noticed Heidi from the corner of my eyes, standing next to the couch and listening to Louis' stories. She looked a bit stressed and I bit my bottom lip in hope that Louis would just stop it. Her face twisted into a smile and she just sat directly on Niall's lap, making me squirm a bit on my seat. He seemed surprised and I knew he was not a fan of public display of affection but he just glanced around the room a few times without saying anything. She bent down and when their lips met, I had to close my eyes and look away. I felt Dylan squeeze my fingers with his and turned my head to him, focusing my attention on him. He smiled at me and I was not sure which emotions I could see in his face. Sadness, perhaps?

"So Dylan, the car you're driving in that show? Does it work?"

I tried to push the thought of Heidi sitting on my ex boyfriend away and smiled at Louis as I noticed Dylan's lips curl too.

"Don't start him!" I quickly said, opening my eyes wide. "He literally asked to keep that jeep! It's in his garage!"

"It's old and a bit dangerous to drive but I still do from time to time. I even let Liv drive it once or twice."

"Fucking amazing car, can't deny." I admitted with a laugh.

"We also saw your latest movie." Eleanor added. "Loved it."

"It was honestly very good." Julie agreed, leaning on her boyfriend and nodding. "Although I believe a beard doesn't really suit you."

Dylan chuckled, bringing his hand to his nape in an embarrassed way. He was not the type to be shy, but being praised like that always made him a bit uncomfortable. I personally thought it was extremely endearing but I didn't mention it, at least not this time. I tried not to react when I noticed Niall get up and leave from the corner of my eyes but I couldn't seem to follow the conversation anymore. Dylan was charismatic and everyone was always listening to him when he talked. He had this way to charm people that I didn't have and clearly never would. I was not jealous, I was fascinated.

I would guess on 10 minutes. That was probably the time it took me to get up and leave the room too. It seemed longer but I knew it was probably just in my head. I walked slowly in the hall, my heart beating fast, and followed the sound of guitar coming from afar, ending up in front of a closed door. I bit my bottom lip but it only took me a second to press my ear against it to hear better.

"I try and try to forget you, but." He stopped and I didn't hear anything until he started playing again. "Try and try to erase you, but you won't disappear."

Without thinking, I pressed my palm on the door but was surprised when I realized it was not completely closed. I ended up tripping inside and letting out a curse word as I almost fell. I knew he was staring at me but when I looked up in his eyes, I noticed a small and amused smile playing on his lips.

"Sorry." I let out after finding my balance again, glancing down and pressing my lips together.

"You were totally eavesdropping." he pointed out, his lips curling.

"I was... totally eavesdropping."

He chuckled and made a quick head movement, telling me to get closer. I hesitated a few seconds but walked to him slowly as he looked up. He was sitting on his bed and it was a bit weird to be in the room, alone with him, while both our significant others were in the living room. We used to be like that though, right? We slept in the same bed even when we were taken a few years ago, when our friendship was at its peak. Why did it feel so wrong now?

He patted the bed next to him and I licked my lips, holding my breath before shrugging a shoulder.

"Uhm, does Heidi live here?"

He frowned but didn't lose his smile.

"No, why?"

I didn't answer his question but simply nodded and after a few seconds, I sat next to him, trying not to touch him. I didn't want to sit in a bed that was hers, too, it would have been too weird to me, but knowing it was his bed made me feel better about it, even if I knew she slept there too sometimes.

Niall ran his fingers on the strings and my eyes dropped to his hand. He used to do that all the time. Just join me on the couch and start playing randomly. I didn't know if he noticed but I always ended up just turning the volume down to listen to him without being too obvious about it. Sometimes, he barely noticed me at all and it was alright. I always thought it made him even more handsome than he already was. When I looked up, I noticed he was looking at me and I smiled, feeling my heart jump slightly in my chest. After all this time, he still had this effect on me and I had no idea how it was possible.

"So, what were you playing?" I asked, raising my eyebrows. "Wanna play it for me?"

He chuckled a bit, obviously uncomfortable, and scratched the back of his head, glancing away before looking down at his fingers.

"New song, it's not finished, can't play it."

I felt something twist in my chest at the thought and I swallowed jealousy inside me. He was with Heidi and she already got a whole album written for her. It was a bit hurtful to think she was going to get a second one.

"You must really love her." I said low to make sure my voice wouldn't break.

"What do you mean?"

I looked up at him and let my eyes roam on his face. I wanted to stop thinking about him all the time and feel nervous around him but even more than that, I wanted to stop all the feelings exploding inside me every time he was near. We were done. He had a girlfriend and I was getting married, there was no point in dwelling on the past, right? I brought my hand up but hesitated and finally pressed my palm gently on his cheek. I wanted to ask him if he really loved me. I wanted to know if being with me for almost a year even had an impact in his life, I wanted to know if it mattered, If i mattered. Or at least, if I used to matter.

"You kissed me the other night."

I felt his hand over mine, on his face, but took it back slowly as my lips parted. How could he know that? He was asleep, right?

"N-No, I mean..."

"I thought you never lied."

I closed my mouth and breathed in before licking my lips, still staring at him. i had to assume my actions and I swallowed hard.

"I did, I kissed you. I thought you were sleeping." I admitted in a low tone. "I'm sorry, Niall, I shouldn't have."

He chuckled a bit awkwardly and shook his head, putting his guitar away and passing his hand in his hair. "Hey, I kept reminding you of when we fucked and I think I remember caressing your leg so, I can't blame you for a small peck on the lips."

"You were drunk, I was not." I pointed out.

"Not an excuse." he quickly replied. "I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable."

"You didn't."

We stared at each other for so long and all I could hear was the sound of my heart beating against my rib cage and threatening to escape. I felt myself tear up but swallowed the lump in my throat and I could swear I saw him glance at my lips.

"You said you missed me too."

"I'm surprised you understood since I said it in french." I chuckled slightly, smiling at him.

"I remember a few things, I just can't pronounce them."

This time, I chuckled more until I realized how close we were from each other. Did he move closer or was I the one who did? Why did I feel so attracted to him, like my heart, body, soul and mind were connected to his?

"I'm gonna kiss you, okay?"

His voice was soft and low but I didn't answer and he moved even closer, so slowly that it seemed to take an hour. I felt his breath on my mouth and held mine before bringing both my hands on his face to stop him gently. He stopped and his eyes opened as my thumbs brushed on his cheeks. I moved my head lightly, feeling my parted lips brush up and down against his, so slowly it was like torture to me.

"Olivia..."

I shook my head and pulled away, turning on my seat and closing my eyes. It was so close and I felt my heart skip a beat when I realized we had almost kissed but the worst was, I really wanted it. I wanted it so fucking bad and I was getting mad at myself. I was also mad at him for doing this to me and I swallowed hard again.

"I can't Niall, and you can't either."

He didn't insist and I finally just got up as he did the same. I was about to get out of his room when I came face to face with Heidi. I tried to play it cool but her eyes got bigger as they moved from me to Niall and then back to me.

"What the fuck?"

I didn't know what to say and just walked past her to get back in the living room. I grabbed my glass and swallowed all of it as Heidi stormed back to the room. Everyone stopped talking and looked at her but she was staring at me, ready to jump at me.

"What the hell were you doing with my boyfriend in my room?"

I wanted to mention it was not her room but I thought it would only make things worse and I just sighed and raise my eyebrows.

"We were just talking."

"Just talking?" she repeated with a rude chuckle. "Oh yea I know how 'talking' goes alright!" she added, doing the quotation marks with her fingers.

I felt Dylan getting up behind me and he placed his hand softly on my lower back.

"Hey, relax." he let out, bringing his other hand in front of me. "They're friends, they've always been friends, you should know that by now."

"Are you a fucking idiot?" Heidi added louder, frowning at him.

I turned to Dylan's who's face suddenly changed into an annoyed one. It was a side of him I hadn't seen before and it was crazy to think Heidi, out of all people, could bring it out.

"It's not the first time you ask me that."

Niall suddenly placed himself between his girlfriend and us but facing her. He put his hands on her shoulders and she closed her eyes.

"Babe, please, relax okay? Come on, how many drinks did you have?"

"I'm fine!" she let out slightly lower than the tone she had used on us.

"Just come with me okay?"

It took a few seconds but they disappeared in the hall and I licked my lips before turning to my boyfriend. Louis was standing up next to me too and when he placed his hand on my shoulder, I turned my head and met his eyes.

"Are you okay, love?"

His voice was sweet and gentle and I sent him a small smile before nodding lightly. Did it show that I was extremely jealous knowing that she was going to sleep in his room, next to him? I shook my head, trying to push away the thought and also my feelings. It was ridiculous, of course she was going to sleep in his bed tonight, where else?

"Okay, well, I think it's time to go now." Julie proposed as Liam stood behind her.

We all said goodbye and hugged as Niall walked back in.

"Sorry guys, so sorry it has to end up like this."

I felt bad for him, knowing that he likes things calm and fun but at the same time, I felt guilty. I could try and blame Heidi all I wanted for the drama, it was partially my fault and Niall's if it ended up like this. I also couldn't stop thinking that if we had kissed, she would have caught us.

"Don't worry, it's all cool." my boyfriend said, extending his hand to my ex boyfriend. The sight was a bit weird but I didn't mention it. "Thanks for inviting us, we're gonna have to return the favor soon."

"Of course, my pleasure, thanks for coming." Niall replied, shaking his hand and sending him a smile.

I glanced a few times as I walked to Dylan's car just to look at Niall standing in the door frame, and I sighed before opening the door and getting in. We drove off and I leaned my head against the window with my eyes closed. I still couldn't make sense of this mess and even if I wasn't drunk, I knew the alcohol and tiredness would stop me from unraveling it all. We parked in front of my house and I felt a pain in my chest when I remembered that Dylan wouldn't stay. I turned to him and tilted my head.

"You really can't stay?" I asked in a soft tone, making him smile sadly at me.

"No, I'm sorry. Tomorrow?"

I nodded slowly and licked my lips.

"What did you mean when you said it wasn't the first time she asked you if you were stupid?"

He shook his head and chuckled, looking down.

"Let's just say Heidi has tried to date me a few years back. Or at least to sleep with me."

The shock was so big I felt my lips part. I probably looked like a fish out of water and it made him chuckle. He brought his hand on my chin and gently moved it up to close my mouth.

"You... you never told me."

"Just like you never told me how intense it was between you and Niall." he pointed out, raising his eyebrows. "I mean, maybe you did but I didn't think it was that bad, I don't know."

He paused and I held my breath as he looked down at his fingers. He grabbed my hand and looked up in my eyes and I suddenly felt so guilty I was close to throw up. I loved this man, I really did. Could he tell that I had almost kissed my ex boyfriend not even half an hour before?

"You know what sexual tension is, right?"

I frowned, scared of his words, but still nodded. I didn't want him to tell me there was sexual tension between Niall and I. I didn't want to know what we looked like from the outside. I didn't want to have this kind of conversation about my ex boyfriend, if only because I was not even sure of how I felt or what I wanted. Still, I waited as my boyfriend sighed and intertwined his fingers with mine.

"Between you and Niall, there's romantic tension. It's dripping everywhere. It's... scary, Olivia. It really is." he explained, surprising me. "So yea, Heidi's little tantrum was annoying, but I can see where she's coming from. She felt it, too. We all do."

My eyes roamed on his face as my whole body seemed to throb. His words made me anxious and at the same time, I didn't want him to keep all of this inside. I wanted to tell him that it meant nothing to me, that all he could feel was the dusts of an old love, the vestige of the story of two lovers who didn't work out... but I didn't know if it was the truth. I didn't know anything anymore.

I bent closer and pressed my lips against his. He let me and I deepened the kiss, letting my hand slide on his chest gently.

"I love you. Please, stay tonight." I begged him in a low tone.

"You hate when I leave in the morning." he whispered, his lips still against mine.

"I can make an exception."

It took him a few seconds to answer. I felt his fingers playing with mine and his lips brush against mine gently. I wanted him to agree, I needed him to agree.

"Okay."

#niall horan #niall horan smut #niall horan fluff #niall horan fanfic #niall horan fan fic #niall horan fanfiction #niall horan fan fiction #niall horan story #niall horan writing #my fanfics #yam #i changed my mind about one thing last minute lol #and im glad i did #i hope you guys like this chapter

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willmelon · 4 years

Text

i don’t usually do this but i feel Compelled to do a liveblog/review of Mouth Dreams so here goes

Please don’t read this if you haven’t heard the album yet as it’ll spoil Everything

(i’ll admit the idea came to me After i listened to Just a Baby so these first ones are gonna be relistened reviews)

first we got Yahoo. what can i say about this song? neil starts off Strong with incredibly sustained notes and just one phrase, in typical neil style. and he makes it work in so many different ways! honestly didn’t expect myself to get so attached so fast but that’s just the way his magic works ig. when the hoooooooos harmonise it almost brings tears to the eyes. i would love to see a group of choristers singing this with another guy on an electric keyboard. what a cold open. 9/10

of course then we go on to the titular track, the dimension of sound, the dimension of imagination, the dimension of doors. rod serling narrates the intro in his traditional monotone as the warbling twilight zone theme plays in the background. i tell ya i was actually Screaming when the track finished and he dropped the title! it may not be a song per se, sort of like Blockbuster from Mouth Moods, a ‘filler track’ if you will, but the effort in those fifty seconds cannot be ignored. it just goes to show once again how Good he is at what he does. 6.5/10

oh lawd, my favourite so far, Spongerock. reading the title i had absolutely No idea what to expect. the goofy goober song from the movie? winner takes all from band geeks? i was pleasantly surprised to find myself tapping out queen’s distinctive boom boom CLAP as the song progressed, and i was in complete Hysterics the whole way through, chanting along with the kids as the pirate encouraged me to sing louder. it’s such a beautiful fit the way they mesh together, and it’s one of those mashups that you listen to and think ‘why has nobody done this before?’ but neil is on a higher plane of existence than us and Knows where it’s at. you’re never the same after you’ve listened to Spongerock. 7.5/10

Just a Baby, where i stopped to begin this thing, is a melancholy song, which i’m not usually a fan of. i admit i don’t know the original song so i kept quiet until the last chorus or two. it’s the yang to the yin of Wow Wow from Moods, another sentence-mixer that was like a full Bop and barely gave you time to catch your breath. in Just a Baby you begin to empathise with the singer as he regales confusing times of his constant youth, including the time his mother (a train) shot a man in cold blood. it’s a powerful ballad, and it’s got a tasteful amount of justin bieber adding backing vocals to the chorus. i may have to deduct a few points cos the lyrics are gonna be hard af to remember. 7/10

ok next up we got Superkiller. this one’s totally blind! i’m. ehhhhh okay not diggin this one very much. ok that say something once line being repeated was comedy gold but talking heads are just like. kinda tuneless tbh. i’m glad he’s trying to lassoo it together with u can’t touch this but it’s kinda falling short tbh. i wouldn’t skip it but it’s not as memorable as the previous ones. 5/10

starting Get Happy. i’m not gonna lie i think i Know what this is, there are only so many options after all. i predict it’s a mix of “get dancin’” by disco-tex and the sex-o-lettes and “happy” by bahrrel williams, and i really hope that ain’t the case cos i Love the first one but despise the latter. oh well let’s see if he can pull it off. sounds like village green by the kinks so far lol uhhhh i have no idea what to make of this. okay i feel like i’m gonna like this after all. hey it’s got memorable lyrics at least! is it gonna get faster? or just more bassy? yknow maybe i was too critical at the start, but i had no idea what to expect. this is a feel-good pop song and it’s definitely making me feel happier than i was when i was listening to Superkiller. 7/10

Ribs? wtf do i expect from a song called Ribs lmao another song i’ve never heard of IH IT’S EVERYBODY WANTS TO RULE TH WORLD OH YEEEEEEEEES omg i Love this song i sing it to myself when i’m walkin my dog cos his little paws click-clack on the pavement to the exact rhythm of the song omg i’m in Love! another one with odd lyrics but i think after a Lot of repeat listening i’ll be able to properly croon along to this one omg! it reminds me of Best from Mouth Silence in that they’re both about products, only instead of folgers in your cup it’s about chili’s baby back ribs omg neil you’re Perfect! how come more advertisers haven’t contacted you for a product placement deal?? 7.5/10

next we got My Mouth. welcome to? who knows let’s hit play. ooooh minor key. is this a real song? it sounds like oney singing a cover of something. oh That’s the gimmick? 2:30 long i hope there’s something else tbh cos otherwise it’s gonna get pretty thin pretty fast. mm not a fan. the weakest so far imo especially after Ribs blew me away. definitely a bad dream. 3.5/10

Aerolong don’t fail me now! okay see This is how you do a mashup. I DON’T MISS YOU BABAY AND I DO WANNA MISS A THING THAT’S GOLD!! this is just a song about saying bye to your ex lmao i love it. wish it was longer though. 6/10

Sleepin’ here we go! ok in the youtube version the first half of this song is just silence so that wasn’t fun. gee this one’s only moderately better than My Mouth i’m feeling very shortchanged. 4/10

what to expect from Aamoorree? hopefully this one’s another jam but...okay i’m likin this one. it’s Fun and isn’t trying too hard! it’s just a drunk dean martin singing about pizza pie on karaoke night, what more could you ask for lol. 6/10

Where Is My Mom? by the p-p-p-pooo-oo-ooo-oooool of course. i don’t recognise the other song but it’s decent. i’ve listened to slowed-down songs before (the sludgefest chipmunks albums lately) and this one’s kinda ok. not a fan of the ending but points for effort ig. 5.5/10

Fredhammer ay? might there be some peter gabriel in there? undoubtedly. yup there it is lol ok now bring in the flintstones? oh ig that’s fred durst? mm not totally feeling it so far but censoring he** was funny lmao HEY THERE’S SEINFELD i’m wheezin that was a good way to end a song, well done neil. 6.5/10

here goes Limp Wicket. i’m on the edge of my seat. and Again i’m disappointed. is this a bunch of ewoks singing some kind of star wars song? or is it jarjar? either way this is Not a good song. it probably wasn’t before he mashed it up but this wasn’t an improvement. bringing in Fredhammer didn’t help this song much at all, in fact i think it brought both songs down actually. last one was a 7/10 but i Have to dock it points now that it’s a two-parter. as for this one? i’m being generous cos the limp bizkit song was good. 1/10

Cannibals runs for 4 minutes. PLEASE don’t let this be a repeat of the last one. i get that miners can’t dig up gold every time but don’t just show up with a bunch of rocks and iron pyrites yknow i’m just gonna start. i don’t want to be angry at this album. i recognise that sound in the bg! from a cyriak vid i think. thx comin in. loooooooong drone. ugh UGH there are Too many lucid dreams on this album. starting to regret liveblogging this cos i Loved the other three mouth albums. this one’s just falling flat again and again. 3/10

here comes The Outsiders. there is NOTHING to say about this. 1.5/10

come on Johnny. okay that got a laugh out of me, not many songs start with a booing crowd like that, is that meta? wouldn’t put it past him tbh. ah i’ll give it a 5/10, for a kinda filler song it wasn’t too bad.

Closerflies, this has gotta be gold. PLEASE. intro’s goin on for a little too long...mm having never heard the original version of closer i gotta admit i thought it’d be faster, like the one used in Rollercloser in Silence. this version seems very sloppy and sluggish, especially the bassline. 3/10

Nightmovin’ i’m not expecting much OH good intro oh YES now here we go. this is a good one, it’s got clear lyrics and a catchy tune, i’m liking this one more and more by the second. cuts off weird but it’s going into the next one. so i’m gonna leave the rating out of this one and see how it is after the next one.

Whitehouse i’m holding my breath. mm it’s Good but not great tbh. criminal that the last one was half as long as this one. think i’m gonna give both of these songs a 5/10 i doubt they’ll be anyone’s favourites. the title is a nice little joke too i respect that.

Wah! what’s neil’s obsession with using wannabe as a source lmao! it’s another decent one but nothing memorable again. 5/10

Pee Wee Inc i’m expecting big things. good intro I’M IN LOVE okay this is Much better than i imagined it’d be. did he use the radio edit of feel good inc? this is a heck of a way to bring it back to the gold stuff and i wouldn’t be surprised if this is what neil’s head sounds like all the time. 7/10

on to 10,000 Spoons. not sure what to expect from the title. okay this is a Nice one i think. throwback to the likes of Just a Baby with the two songs and the sentence mixing and it’s Good. and really 10,000 spoons is So ironic anyway, don’t you think? 7/10

oh another song called Mouth Dreams? an extro? that was Weird lol ok the intro i wasn’t too keen on, def not as much as the intro, but i got to appreciate it as it went on. like Rlly appreciate it i was beginning to reflect on what a journey i’d been through tonight, especially writing it all down. felt very poetic. and then WHAM, out of nowhere, after being gone for 23 songs, all-star came Back and How! gotta give this one a 7.5/10

keep the train rolling Brithoven! i can hear faint bits of instruments in britney’s song in the back of her audio which sound like a mistake but knowing neil.......yah lmao. this song’s kinda like Promenade (Satellite Pictures at an Exhibition) from Mouth Sounds, i liked what i heard. very nice. 6.5/10

the final song. we’re gonna be hit one more time for Ain’t! and i have NO idea what i’m in for! in the hall of the mountain king eh? is this like a way of looping around to the first song of the first album with classical music? ok the snoring’s a nod to Bustin i’m sure lmao funny anyway. i thought i heard a hey now in there but i must be going nuts. wouldn’t call it a grand finale but it is what it is. 5/10

now the question that must be asked - was Mouth Dreams trying to make a point? was there a reasons so many songs were of lower-quality than previous albums? perhaps it’s just a matter of taste, or perhaps it’s as rod said back on track two, that this album is a doorway into another dimension, and the further you progress, the more mind-rattling, brain-melting concepts you come across. the album gets an average of 5.5 which is kinda disappointing. don’t think i’ll be listening to the whole thing again. thanks for reading!

#mouth dreams #neil cicierega #liveblog #review

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mysticdragon3md3 · 4 years

Video

youtube

The Meaning of Death: BoJack Horseman vs. The Good Place by Wisecrack

When they started talking about “all books have endings”, I couldn’t help but think of comic books, going on and on and on. Before I switched to manga, I read American comic books, americomi. So it was a shock to me, to get into one of my first favorite manga series and reach its end. No rolling into new writers, artists, or storylines. Just “this is the end of the series”. And yes, it was nice to have a story so cohesive---with repeating motifs, foreshadowings, properly placed milestones of emotional progression, a perfectly unfolded theme(s)---because CLAMP had an ending in mind, even when they gave Rayearth a sequel series. But when that first series ended, I didn’t know what to do. Magic Knight Rayearth had taken up so much real estate in my brain’s fangirling, that I didn’t know what to do with it gone. I felt an empty spot, that was pretty big. And years later, when Ranma 1/2 ended, there was melancholy and loss too. ...Though, Ranma 1/2′s open-ended “ending” to the manga felt reassuring, that Ranma and Akane were still out there, up to their antics. But I think when that manga ended, some small part of me was still a little unsatisfied with the lack of finality. Though compared to the vast majority of fans, it was a very small part. I was actually very happy to feel like Ranma and Akane were still out there. Even if their further adventures were only in our imaginations. But yeah, it’s got nothing on americomi that has gone on for years and years and decades. LOL

I watched Bojack but not the Good Place, so I thought I’d stop watching this video before spoilers. But I don’t think this is even the first video essay on The Good Place, that I forgot to check out of before spoilers. Whatever. I used to be immune to spoilers. My immunity has gone down, but I still feel that a series is as good as the experiences of its moments, vs just knowing what happens in the plot and the end. I want a series/movie/story that feels good to re-watch, because the individual scenes are good experiences, in and of themselves. So what do a few little spoilers---like plot points---matter? lol

And maybe that explains why I never liked the idea that death gives life meaning. It sounds like the moment to moment experiences are negated or invalid. If you’re suffering, it “doesn’t matter” because death will make it end and that will be meaningful in some retroactive symbolic way. If you’re enjoying a moment, then it “doesn’t matter” unless it’s eventually ripped away from you, or you or someone else eventually suffers. Maybe it’s the suicidal depressive in me that doesn’t like the invalidation of the hells or heavens of each daily, “mundane” moment. Once my sister and I watched a suicide scene in a movie and she didn’t understand why the character did it because he was happy in his relationship. I just told her cryptically, “It’s an artist thing.” Maybe I didn’t want to actually talk about the fear of good moments turning bad or wanting to seemingly stay in good moments by making life cut off right there. Not that I agreed with the character. (Personally, I think death/suicide is for ending and resting from the never-ending suffering that is existence.) He could have continued on, having many more good moments, he couldn’t have possibly imagined with his significant other. My sister was right. Death doesn’t give anything meaning. It’s like what dream-Herb said in Bojack Horseman, “It’s just your brain trying to make sense of things.” That’s just what human brains do. But the comforting interpretations of people left behind doesn’t make anything better or worse for the person who had the actual experiences. Maybe my problem with the idea “can’t enjoy anything without it eventually ending” (or even “no light without darkness and no good without evil”), is because it probably plays into the same anxious insecurity that I have to deal with in real life. I’d like to be able to feel secure in good things/experiences staying and not being called “invalid” unless it has an end in sight. I’d much prefer for things to evolve. Even if they transition so much that they’re no longer recognizable from the original, then at least each state was gradual and the necessary fit for each corresponding situation. I’d prefer that good moments be appreciated, instead of being told they’re invalid unless they have an ending. And I’d prefer bad moments stop, vs being told it has meaning, like the universe giving you “tough love” so you can learn to become “stronger” or whatever. Sometimes shitty situations/feelings are just shitty. And anyway, there’s no guarantee that everyone reacts the same enough to predict whether “tough love” will yield a “toughened up spirit” or a traumatically scarred mentality; the only certainty is that the dispenser of “tough love” is being callous, discompassionate, and often trying to make excuses to “allow” such abuse. If there’s anything that’s given me the closest understanding of objecting to “the ends justify the means”, it’s my objection to the implication that the day-to-day daily moments don’t matter unless Death. Like Cloud said in FF7AC, “There’s nothing that isn’t important.”

Though I can be a little bit of a nihilist about life never having any inherent meaning, I actually just like the ideas that life can be given meaning and that there’s nothing cheap about that manufactured meaning. (Who told that allegory about a man-made fire to sit by, being just as good as a fire that came out of no where?) Even though I haven’t watched The Good Place, I like a lot of stories/series about immortality, my Personal Myth uses it a lot in Thought Experiments, and I do like muddling over such themes accompanying immortality. I feel, just like a truly enjoyable movie/series/manga, the value is in the experiences of scenes and moments. So what if you already have experienced everything for yourself and know how everything is going to end or know what patterns are going to repeat forever? You don’t know what a moment feels like to someone else. One of the tragic failings of language is that humans will still never be able to communicate their exact experiences to each other, no matter what the means of conveyance. Anything short of a psychic hive mind is still inadequate communication, even that could be considered a singular being who doesn’t know how to communicate to other entities. (Not without some trial and error, like in Eureka 7.) It would be just the same as like individual humans to individual humans. But maybe I just find an unusual amount of value and joy in experiencing things by proxy or from the outside. Maybe it’s because I’m oversensitive and the bluntness of actually having first-person experiences is too intense for me. But I enjoy watching someone else having an experience or even just imagining how they experience something, even if I myself have experienced it a zillion times. Like when I watch an anime I already saw, in a video room with other people at a convention, or listen to reaction videos of a scene or movie I’ve already seen. No matter how jaded I’ve become to the event, watching someone else have an experience and me trying to imagine what it must feel like for them, reminds me of how I felt when I first experienced the same thing. But not just a recall; rather, the feelings actually re-manifest as a full emotional experience in and of themselves. Not just a recollection of events in a plot. Of course, a whole group of immortals jaded with their own experiences could become too dependent and addicted to the need for fresh people to have experiences for them to re-experience things freshly, by proxy... ^.^; There’s just something irrevocably new each time, to dealing with someone who isn’t already experienced with everything. And all because no matter how jaded and “been there, done that” you’ve become, you still have to be kind and empathetic to other people. Like when I was a teacher’s aid for 3 year olds, for 6 years. I wonder if empathy is the reason why watching someone else’s experience, second-hand, by proxy, can be just as intense as a first-hand experience. I wonder if the writers of The Good Place or all the philosophers cited would have had the notion that “once you’re jaded to your own experiences, there’s nothing else to experience”, if they were neuroatypical? Where any of them HSPs? And I don’t think that using other people as proxies for reinvigorating re-experiences is the only use of inexperienced people. I think that genuinely caring for their emotions, not knowing what they’re going to do when you interact with them, having hopes that they’ll experience things well, and adjusting your interactive tactics to help guide them to good experiences, is instinctually emotional each time. Or maybe my brain is just weird to care too much whenever someone is standing in front of me in real life. But I really don’t think it’s just me. As proof, there’s a lot of problems in the world caused by people ONLY caring about people in front of them in real life, so it can’t be that uncommon. So then why get so jaded after depleting your own experiences? Am I saying that mentorship is the “ultimate answer”? lol I dunno. But it would explain why people like raising children, even children not their own, when working as teachers. In my Personal Myth, my main character is spiritually dying inside because she’s immortal and life is a never-ending hopeless trudge, that she no longer has the Strength to improve. So she hopes instead for death, as a lazy way out. But continually, new people she meets, and new experiences with old people she’s met before, keep pointing to the answer being to return to the Fight, the everyday battle to continuously improve. After all, even in the jaded mindset, apparently perfection is still unattainable, because even complacency and satisfaction can spoil into stagnation. So the answer was in the “martial arts anime” genre all along. That must be why it always rung true enough for me to encounter it again, seeing the same tenants repeated in the artist community. “Continual self-improvement”, “compare to your past self, not to others”, “progression is only measured by your own path, not someone else’s years of experience or natural talent”, “fear stagnation and complacency”, “be more concerned with self-improvement vs aggrandizing your ego”, “recognize the True Strengths of Compassion vs Power”, etc. Whether art or in anime martial arts, existence is a never-ending battle, constantly teetering on the edge of falling, then gritting your teeth to climb back up, again and again. There’s always so much to do in existence, how can any humans get bored? Maybe being jaded is less about having nothing new left to experience or do. Maybe it’s more about being too tired to contract and expand to adjust to other people? Or just being too tired to overcome the fear that nothing will be different, no matter what you do or what happens, enough to stop trying? Maybe I’m just falling into human cliches to value Evolution. Or maybe that’s just the necessary value of anything living. “Sometimes life is a bitch, but then you keep living,” to paraphrase what Diane said in Bojack Horseman. Believing that Living and being truly Alive has to be about constantly evolving, both spiritually and mentally, is probably necessary for my survival as a living being. Evolved into instinct, out of necessity.

#rambling #personal myth #immortality #jaded #death #video essay #the good place #bojack horseman #analysis #existential #reactions #americomi #spoilers #endings #processing thoughts #confused with myself

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darkpoisonouslove · 3 years

Text

2020 in Words

After the total exhaustion and lack of motivation of the last few months, I have finally found the strength to review 2020. In terms of writing, that is. Otherwise, we ain’t touching that with a 100-foot pole. But anyway, let’s get to the actual good part of 2020 - the writing.

Word Count:

678, 105 words

And that isn’t actually all. I have started various things that 2021 caught still in progress so there are more words to be added to that number but I’ll count them towards whatever time frame I finish them in (I do not even dare assume that all of them will be finished this year).

A little over 1/7th of that word count was accomplished only in March when I wrote over 100k words. Wow, productivity where did you go? I know that the world is going to hell but do you mind coming back? I can use you. I have so many new ideas that I am really excited about but totally lack the energy to actually get to. Hope that will change in the next weeks because there is A Lot going on in my head that I am actually dying to share.

Fandoms:

Winx Club has totally taken over for me. I have barely written five works this year that are not about that show and I just don’t know what is happening anymore. I have so many thoughts and things to discuss and fix about it and I have a feeling that some upcoming events will only reinforce that position. But what truly matters is that it has truly made 2020 more bearable to be in the fandom and write fic. The interactions with other fans have been lovely which is totally worth the brain damage that some experiences over this show have inflicted.

Once Upon a Time lurked until about the half of the year but I can’t say that I have been actively interested in it. I just rewatched 4A for the Frozen Swan interactions and 4B for Cruella De Vil and that was pretty much all of it this year. I think it’s safe to say that at this point I have more or less moved on from the show and I do not expect a miraculous comeback to it. Which leaves my rewatch dangling over the chasm of uncertainty but I have projects I am far more interested in rn to be thinking about that.

I actually joined the Lucifer fandom this year, though I cannot say that I am active in it at all. It was nice to challenge myself with the small contribution I made to the fanworks in the fandom so I am putting it here because I am not done with watching the show even though I don’t think I have a good enough grasp on any of the characters in order to actually write them.

Ships:

Well, 2020 definitely delivered on that front. I have found myself piles of new ships to ship the hell out. Some I am more grateful about, others leave me slightly bitter over not knowing what to do with them but it certainly hasn’t been boring. Because this is my wrap-up and contemplation, I get to list them and maybe say a couple of words about some of them.

Griffin x Valtor - Not new but it was definitely the biggest part of that year.

Griffin x Valtor x Faragonda - New in the sense of me having written a fic about this now... and having several more ideas on my drives so... beware, future!

Griffin x Faragonda - Also not new but when the feelings catch up with me, they really mean it. Two major bursts of inspiration about them have left me with interesting results and I am looking forward to finding out where this goes.

Marion x Oritel - That was new. It was the first new ship of the year. I have more ideas about them but the muse has not visited lately. I am not giving up, though. Sometimes you gotta sail the ship even when there’s no wind.

Flora x Icy - That was definitely a surprise. I don’t know what happened but I do know that a goddamn look at Pinterest has brought on an entire epic about them (and the other Trix and Winx) so... thanks for that, Pinterest. I wish you could pin free time on Pinterest and go consume it later so that I would actually have the time to work on all of this.

Layla x Stella - Oh, yeah, baby! I have feelings and I really want to do at least an outline of what would be too long to actually write as a fic, especially since I have A Lot on my plate rn.

Griffin x Griselda - Well, that... happened. I have no idea where any of this is going, only that it is a major part of Griffin’s arc in my most major series so... I guess it’s headed somewhere. Just have to stay along for the ride.

Zarathustra x Griselda - So totally trashcankitty12′s fault... But I guess I am the one responsible for actually including it in already ongoing stories.

Ediltrude x DuFour - Okay, that one I totally roped myself into. Do I regret it? ... Maybe a little because it may need to remain just background thanks to everything else that I have going on.

Griffin x Marion - Almost forgot that which is a damn shame because it is one of my absolute most favorite ships.

Griffin x Valtor x Marion - Not gonna lie, this has been sneaking into some stray ideas too repetitively to be an accident. Will it ever exist outside of my head, though?

Samara x Erendor - I just wanted to make them more likable to me because they were my least favorite characters on the show. Worked too well and now I am in fic hell.

Bloom x Sky - I got ONE idea, okay? Too bad that I love it too much for my own good, especially considering that it is sort of a rewrite of the series. Like I didn’t have enough of those already.

There are more, actually, but we will be here all day if I have to list every stray idea that I have entertained so let’s just move on.

Stories:

Winx Club - 80 (4 unfinished and 3 that I have been dragging with me since 2019 for a total of 7/111 incomplete.)

OUAT - 3 (all finished but I have two collections that are still open from 2019 and 2018 respectively)

Lucifer - 1 (it was a one-shot but I am glad that I managed to write it at all)

Original works - 1 (poem that I came up with at 4am)

That makes a total of 85 written works this year which is honestly astounding! My brain has been harping on me about not being productive since June but I have actually gotten quite a lot of work done! (Fun fact - my total for 2019 was 58 stories, and for 2020 it is 85 XD. We’re gonna need some new numbers in 2021.)

First fic of the year - Gold and Purple (Griffin x Valtor AU inspired by a Bulgarian folk tale)

Last fic of the year - New Warmth to Weave in Your Garden of Shine (Samara x Erendor + New Year traditions and worldbuilding on Eraklyon)

Favorite writing moment - that has got to be coming up with a wild idea for my season rewrite that I will not be spoiling now. It was also inspired by Bulgarian folklore and I am so excited to reveal it (because it is so fucking grand) but we will all have to be patient.\

Wildest writing experience - definitely the entirety of chapter 4 from A Home You Never Knew How to Have. Man, that was... a goddamn ride. In every sense of the word. I still haven’t reread that bitch after posting it even though I have opened it probably a hundred times.

I launched several series this year that will need a lot of work to be brought to completion. Naturally, my focus is not on finishing those but on starting new things. Because of course it is. So here’s a heads-up for another post that will be coming shortly with announcements of my ideas. I would like to call it a plan for 2021 but I fear that will be too presumptuous of me so I will say that it is my hope that those are things that are to be released this year but I will only lapel them as projects that I am looking forward to rather than “upcoming”.

Other Works:

This year actually bore a couple other forms of art so I am going to list my creations in other mediums below because they deserve the attention.

Aesthetics:

Icy

Darcy

Stormy

Marion

Ediltrude & Zarathustra

Siren AU:

Griffin

Ediltrude

Zarathustra

Icy

Darcy

Stormy

Magic-Swapped Transformations:

Griffin Winx

Ediltrude Winx

Zarathustra Winx

Griffin Chamrix

Ediltrude Chamrix

Zarathustra Chamrix

Griffin Enchantix

Ediltrude Enchantix

Zarathustra Enchantix

Videos:

Griffin/Valtor - The Devil I Know

Winx - Trouble

Marion x Oritel/Griffin x Valtor/Faragonda x Hagen - Savage

Bloom/Mitzi - Wicked

Samara - You Should See Me in a Crown

Bloom/Sky - Kerosene

Winx Rewatch:

I actually rewatched all 8 seasons of the show + the 3 movies and I have written out my thoughts on all of them. You can find them here:

Winx Club Season 1 4kids (Stream of Consciousness) (I am actually considering redoing this one because it wasn’t in-depth like the others are)

Winx Club Season 2 4kids Part 1 (Stream of Consciousness)

Winx Club Season 2 4kids Part 2 (Stream of Consciousness)

Winx Club Season 3 4kids Part 1 (Stream of Consciousness)

Winx Club Season 3 4kids Part 2 (Stream of Consciousness)

Winx Club: The Secret of the Lost Kingdom (Stream of Consciousness)

Winx Club Season 4 Part 1 (Stream of Consciousness)

Winx Club Season 4 Part 2 (Stream of Consciousness)

Winx Club: Magical Adventure (Stream of Consciousness)

Winx Club Season 5 Part 1 (Stream of Consciousness)

Winx Club Season 5 Part 2 (Stream of Consciousness)

Winx Club: Mystery of the Abyss (Stream of Consciousness)

Winx Club Season 6 Part 1 (Stream of Consciousness)

Winx Club Season 6 Part 2 (Stream of Consciousness)

Winx Club Season 7 Part 1 (Stream of Consciousness)

Winx Club Season 7 Part 2 (Stream of Consciousness)

Winx Club Season 8 Part 1 (Stream of Consciousness)

Winx Club Season 8 Part 2 (Stream of Consciousness)

Winx Club Special 1: Destiny of Bloom (Stream of Consciousness)

Winx Club Special 2: Revenge of the Trix (Stream of Consciousness)

Winx Club Special 3: The Battle for Magix (Stream of Consciousness)

Winx Club Special 4: The Shadow Phoenix (Stream of Consciousness)

I will not be writing any takeaways because I already talked about some of those in an ask and my brain is too fired at the moment to pull off some actual analysis and compose a proper conclusion. To be perfectly honest, I prefer not to think too much on 2020. It brought a lot of good things along with the bad but I still prefer not to look back on it if it isn’t necessary. I think it received enough of my energy already.

#my writing #my fanfiction #my fanfic #about me #personal #2020 #in retrospect #2020 in words #winx club #winx club rewatch #winx rewatch #links #long post #aesthetics #videos #visuals #reviews #thoughts

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solastia · 5 years

Text

The Dragon’s Lair

- A Special Edition Chapter -

This is the thirty day bonding period report of Kim Namjoon. I am writing this because Kim Heechul is a tyrant who threatened to make everything I eat taste like broccoli for an entire month if I missed even a single day. For my owner’s privacy, since I don’t know who all is going to see this, I won’t use her real name. Her aura has always reminded me of one of my favorite jewels in my collection, a star blue sapphire, so for this report her name will be recorded as Star.

Day 1: Here we go, first entry. The house is incredible and I have my own room. It’s a charming farmhouse with tons of space and a bunch of land. There’s even a massive forest that apparently is part of her property as well. I’m looking forward to exploring it all later. I can’t help but wonder if Star’s been lonely out here by herself. There are tons of rooms in this house and everything sort of echos when it’s quiet. The thought of her sitting in here by herself is heartwrenching. If she adopted me because’s all alone, I hope I can make her happy. I should probably also report that my dumb biology has decided she’s a part of my hoard. I can’t sleep without her now. I normally would have wanted to wait until we were more comfortable, but she dealt with the situation with grace.

Day 2: Not too much to report today. We spent most of the day buying more things for my bedroom. Since Star is a part of my hoard now, she insisted on buying an even bigger bed and stashed the old one in one of the other rooms. This one is something called an Eastern King sized bed and is the biggest mattress I’ve ever seen. I could fit so much on here. Put that eyebrow away, hyung. There is a room that she keeps locked and when I asked her about it she said it was just storage. Seems strange to have a whole room just to stash stuff. And why keep it locked it she was the only one living here?

Day 3: I may have made a mistake today. I’ve been so happy here that I wanted to thank her. I can hear you saying, “You gave her a jewel, right?” Well, I’m afraid I didn’t. I tried to make her breakfast. I KNOW, hyung. I learned that it’s possible to melt a pan and leave the meat inside of it raw. Who knew? Lucky for me, Star was too busy laughing about the pan to really get too mad at me. She gave me a hug before telling me I’m banned from the kitchen.

Day 4: I spent the day scenting my territory. Every bit of this house (minus that locked room) and the land surrounding it are now marked. I even got away with subtly marking Star. This is feeling more like home every day.

Day 5: I don’t want to hurt her feelings, so I’ve been eating everything she’s been making me. You’d be proud of me, I haven't complained once! Even when she gave me three scoops of broccoli. Although for broccoli, it wasn’t as bad as some I’ve had. She put garlic and stuff in it. Maybe soon I’ll be brave enough to tell her what kind of food I like. I don’t think she’d get mad, but you never know.

Day 6: The new Marvel movie came out today. Star was so excited and I couldn’t help fall for her a bit more today. I admit I had a crush before, but she was just shining with happiness and every time she smiled at me my heart felt like it was going to burst. It doesn’t feel like a crush anymore. The theater was packed and we were pressed together like sardines, but neither of us seemed to mind. She even let me hold her hand. Could she ever return the feelings of someone that is basically an animal, though? Hyung, what do I do?

Day 7: Soonyoung and Jihoon came to hang out today. It was the first time anyone has come by since I’d marked it as my territory, and I think I did pretty well. Only growled a little bit, I promise. That was mostly because of Jihoon hogging Star. He was totally egging me on though, I swear. Smirking whenever he saw me watching. He’s known me too long and knows how to push my buttons. He made up for it by telling me everything he knew about Star. The way he talks it's like Soonyoung and Star are the best people on the planet...I think I’m starting to agree.

Day 8: Star has to do some work tomorrow and won’t be able to spend much time with me, so she decided to spoil me today. She took me downtown and we hung out there almost all day. Ate at a cafe, spent hours in the bookstore, even stopped by the art museum. Then we walked next to the river and we just talked about everything. Hopes for the future, friends, books we like. Hyung, it felt like a date. I want it so bad it’s aching. Do dragons have mates? Like, soulmates? I think she might be mine. We need to research this.

Day 9: Nothing much to report today. Star has been in her office all day. I don’t know if I’m allowed in there, but I’ve made her food (just sandwiches, don’t worry) a couple times and knocked to let her know it was there. I’ve mostly been in my room reading. I’m going to need cuddles like crazy tomorrow though. Don’t laugh, you like cuddles too.

Day 10: We just stayed home today and it was great. We cuddled on the couch and watched a few movies, then went outside to work on her Grandma’s garden. She could remember when everything was planted and told me about them with a sad smile. It’s obvious that she loved her Grandparents and they loved her. While I’m sad that she lost them, I’m happy that it led her to me. I want to be the family she needs. I know I already need her. It’s so soon for that too. I’ve only known her a couple weeks, but it feels like a lifetime. I can only hope that she feels the same.

Day 11: Star has been smelling a little different lately. Not a bad different, but...I don’t know. Maybe she’s getting sick. I spent most of today trailing after her like a dumbass trying to figure out what the smell was. My dragon was fighting me hard to surface like it wanted to protect. All I wanted to do was take her to my room and not let her leave the nest. (See? I’m calling it a nest. Isn’t that weird? Where did that come from). I’m trying to stay calm so I don’t scare her. I might call you later and have you send some medication she can take.

Day 12: That smell is still there, but it’s even stronger today. I feel like I should know what it means, but I just can’t remember. She doesn’t look sick. In fact, she’s been eating more than usual. She went through three bags of chips today alone. I don’t know if I should be worried or not. I guess the best thing is just to wait for her to say something.

Day 13: TODAY HAS BEEN HELL! HYUNG! She wasn’t sick, she was starting her cycle. As soon as we woke up I could smell it and my dragon nearly came through the surface. I had to make up some story about dragon digestive problems so I could lock her out of my room and try to get away from her. I was under so much stress my horns and talons were out for hours. All I wanted to do was run after her and CLAIM her. Pull her into our bed and protect her. Hyung, I think we have a pretty good answer to my mates question. There is no doubt in my mind that she is meant for me.

Day 14: She slept in her room for the first time in forever last night because I kept telling her through the door I was having issues. I couldn’t sleep at all. My entire body was itching because she wasn’t in our nest. I didn’t want to scare her though, so I fought through it. I was scared to come out this morning, but I didn’t think I’d be able to pull off any more time without worrying her. Thankfully her scent was back to a level I could handle. She was asking about my stomach and babying me. I used the opportunity to blame the broccoli and she’s promised to never make me eat any again. At least something good came out of this ordeal.

Day 15: We went ice skating today to celebrate the halfway point of our bonding period. Technically halfway was yesterday, but I was “recovering” so she saved it for today. She was so adorably bad and probably has a bruised behind from how often she fell. I’m always so clumsy everywhere else, but I was proud to be able to show her how good I am on the ice. She was impressed and my dragon was PREENING! I was actually purring like a damn cat. I feel like I’m supposed to be doing something to make her think of me as a mate, but I don’t know what. We need to find out if dragons have mating rituals. Hyung, time to hit the books again! Or at least wave your hands around. Honestly, what good is a Wizard if they can’t just tell you what you need to know?

Day 16: Nothing to report today. Star worked in her office, although she kept the door open. She warned me that once she gets in art mode, she doesn't’ pay attention to anything around her and she didn’t want to hurt my feelings. I was fine though, I just like being near her. She has a recliner in there that's really comfy and I read and watched her work. She’s so talented and when she’s deep in her work she gets extremely focused. The house could have gone up in flames and she wouldn’t have noticed. I don’t know why that’s so attractive, but she had me hooked.

Day 17: I made her cry today, hyung. I’m worried it might be my last day here. I was just trying to do something nice and I made her some tea, but when I tried to carry the tea set to the living room I slipped on the rug and spilled the tray. The entire set broke. I just stood there paralyzed because I couldn’t believe what I’d done and she came running from another room. When she saw what broke, she started sobbing. Not just crying, hyung. Wailing. I tried to help her pick the pieces up, but she just asked me to go to my room. I’m sitting here waiting for her to tell me to pack my things. I’m sorry, hyung. I tried.

Day 18: I had gone to bed by myself last night, but Star ended up joining me. She didn’t say anything until this morning, but at least we both slept well. It turns out the tea set was one that she’d picked out piece by piece with her Grandma. As soon as I heard that I felt even worse for what I’d done, but she calmed me down when I tried to apologize. She said she knew it was a mistake and she was sorry if she scared me. She was sad but she wasn’t angry. I asked her if she wanted me to go back to the shelter, but that just made her cry again and hug me. She told me she couldn’t imagine life without me anymore. We spent the rest of the day quietly cuddling on the couch. I think we’re going to be okay.

Day 19: I needed to let my scales through while I was showering today because I felt so itchy. I don’t know why it’s happening in the middle of winter, but I shed a whole handful of scales today. I was just going to give them to you for your supplies like usual, but the thought made chest burn. I felt like I needed to give them to Star. How odd is that? Why would Star need my scales? Maybe it’s a dragon thing? Back to the books with us. I wish I had a manual like the other hybrids. Life would be so much easier.

Day 20: Star decided the 20th day we’ve been together is another milestone worthy of celebration. The zoo was is having some Christmas event for the month of December and the weather was decent enough that I wasn’t worried about her being in the cold that long, so that’s where we went. Soonyoung and Jihoon came along too. But get this hyung, she called it a double date! I don’t think she meant it in the way I want her to but...maybe? Maybe I’m growing on her at least. Either way, we had fun. I liked the petting zoo the most. There was a little goat there that wouldn’t stop following me around and Star was laughing so hard. She said when it gets warmer we are definitely getting some goats for the farm. I tried to explain that dragons most likely used goats as their main source of food. She just laughed and made jokes for the rest of the day about me having a “kid.” If it makes her this happy, I’ll accept my future as a tamed dragon turned goat dad.

Day 21: It’s been a long time since I’ve had one hyung, but I think I had a prophetic dream last night. I was here at home with Star, but the house was full of people. I think they were all men, but I couldn’t see their faces well. Everyone was happy and giggling cuddled in the living room and two little kids were running around playing. Even more amazing, Star was sitting next to me with a huge pregnant belly. In the dream, I felt proud and protective so I was sure it was mine. And she was wearing a necklace made of my scales, hyung! That’s how I knew it had to be prophetic. I’ve had no idea what to do with them, but seeing them around her neck felt right. I’m going to send them to you so we can make the necklace. I really hope that was a peek into my future. I’ve never felt such love and contentment in one room like that before.

Day 22: Nothing to report today. We just did chores and hung out. I wandered around in the forest for a while and wrote for the first time since I’ve been here. You’d cringe if you saw how sappy some of them were.

Day 23: I’ve never thought about keeping a journal before since I usually am content with using my music to let things out, but this report has kinda gotten me used to writing every day. I think the next time we’re in town I’ll buy a journal and keep this up. It’s nice to go back and remember.

Day 24: Some days I have hope that I’m not the only one feeling more than owner and hybrid. There are times when I swear I catch a glint in her eye or scent her arousal and I wonder if she might have feelings for me too. Of course, the scent could be for any reason, but a dragon can hope. Still, I think I’m doing a good job at making Star happy and she cuddles with me all the time. She tells me she adores me, but she’s usually squeezing my cheeks like I’m a kid when she does, so I don’t think she means it that way. I just wish I could get my act together and let her know I am so in love with her. She is everything to me, the very air I breathe. She’s it for me, hyung. Even if this doesn’t work out and she sends me back like my last family, she’s it. My dragon has chosen its mate and so have I.

Day 25: I gave her a hickey in my sleep. I apologized and asked if I did anything else but she laughed it off. I think I might do it often and she just keeps it to herself to spare my feelings. I am so screwed. I just wanted to give her more.

Day 26: I’m realizing now that you’re going to be reading this and it’s going to sound like some angsty teenage drama. I know you’re going to bust my balls but you know what? I don’t even care. Make fun of me for being whipped. She’s worth it.

Day 27: Star says she’s going to take me to the beach in the summer. I told her I’ve never been to the ocean and she threw a fit. I’m excited to see it, but I’m more happy that she’s making plans that far ahead. It means she’s expecting me to still be here then. She wants me to stay!

Day 28: I have a confession. I haven’t been feeling the urge for more Ryan dolls in a long time. Instead, I’ve been basically snatching things. I’ve been keeping my secret hoard in a box under my bed because I’m a little embarrassed. So much of it could be considered trash or too sappy, but it makes me happy and it fulfills my urges. There are things like tickets from the zoo, a shiny rock that I picked up during our walk along the river, any little accessories she leaves laying around, notes she’s written me (one of them is just a damn shopping list). And for some reason, I can’t stop taking her hair ties. I don’t know. They carry her scent I guess? I wish I was a normal dragon that wanted mostly jewels and coins, but even then I’d probably find some way to make it about her. Oh wait, I kinda already did, didn’t I? I nearly forgot about where her name came from. God, I’m hopeless.

Day 29: The bonding period is nearly over. While I’m anxious to get back to my classes and I miss my friends, I’ll miss being home with her all the time. I’m curious how I’ll feel when I have to be at the shelter when Star is home alone. Not good, I imagine. The urge to protect her and the den is already high enough. Oh well, something to work on. I bet you’re going to be excited to have me back to pawn all your paperwork on. I dread how high that pile has gotten.

Day 30: Here it is, my final entry for the report. I’m going to be keeping a journal after this because I really liked going back to read how I felt. It put a lot into perspective. Although, those will be a bit more personal than this. There was a lot that I didn’t share with you, hyung, as I’m sure you know. Mostly just more feelings and personal memories I’d like to keep to myself. Things she’s said and done that make me feel like the most important person in the world. I couldn’t possibly explain in just a few journal entries the depth of emotion I feel and how complete she makes me. I’ve always felt like the odd one out; the dragon that no one understood or would want. She’s never made me feel that way and accepts me for the way I am. I am honored that she wants me, even if it’s just as her hybrid. I’m going to try though, hyung. I have the necklace we made all wrapped up and I’m going to confess on Christmas day. If she rejects me, I just hope she’ll let me stay with her anyway. Maybe you could make me a good luck charm. See you tomorrow!

#bts #bts fanfic #bts scenario #namjoon #namjoon fanfic #namjoon scenario #hybrid #hybrid!bts #hybrid!namjoon #dragon hybrid #dragon!namjoon #the dragons lair #solastia

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idolish7rabbitchats · 5 years

Text

Yaotome Gaku: Wonderful Octave Rabbit Chat Part 3

Tsumugi: Good work. Tsunashi-san, how’s your tongue?

10: Sorry about stopping it! It’s fine already.

10: I showed something embarrassing..!

T: No! I’m glad you weren’t hurt! 1000: Tongue twisters are hard huh. I also bit myself.

3: Yuki-san did it too?! lol

8: Tongue twisters don’t suit you huh. (lol)

1000: Is that so? I was confident with articulation since I’m doing a singing job.

10: Me too! I regret that I did it seriously even if it’s for fun...

2: You don’t need to say pantsu seriously… (lol)

9: What would you do if you got hurt. Be careful.

7: It’s cruel to Tsunashi-san if you scold him even though he was in pain…!

10: Thanks, Riku-kun. But, he didn’t get mad or anything so it’s fine! And earlier, Gaku and him brought me ice hoping to ease my pain.

10: Gaku and Tenn are also nice huh.

1000: Here Momo brought it too.

100: I can’t leave my darling in an emergency~(`；ω；´)

Okazaki: Momo-kun thinking about his partner is also nice huh!

1000: Right. ^ ^

T: I feel TRIGGER-san and Re:vale-san’s group love!

T: So then, let’s open up the requests again. From Mitsuki-san please!

3: Okay! From me it’s “I want to hear about Yaotome’s really cool episode!”

3: Yaotome is cool even inside and he looks good just by standing. So I wanted to try asking if you had some kind of super handsome episode!

8: What is that, a handsome episode (lol).

3: Eh, what is it… Like everyone turns around to look at you when you are walking through town?

100: Like all the school girls passed out on the first day you transferred!

3: That’s from the indie movie we watched together that time right lololol

100: That was super funny lololol

8: That’s a recently popular movie right. I think I also wanted to see that!

3: It’s super interesting so definitely watch it! But it’s seriously just a movie about a handsome guy transferring to the school lololol

100: The songs and dance and costumes and plays were also splendid huh! Even though it’s a school movie, it’s super super super gorgeous!

5: Indie movies certainly have an image of being gorgeous.

2: Actually there are lots of sad, non-dancing and singing movies too.

10: Yamato-kun, as expected of a movie buff huh. You watch a variety.

8: Should I go soon? It seems the showings will end soon.

3: I’ll go with you! I wanna watch it again lol.

100: Me too! The music is always stuck in my head!

8: That sounds catchy!

3: Also, it sounds like I was talking about your looks, but it doesn’t need to be!

3: More like, I want to hear Yaotome’s manly episode.

3: Like you beat an evil organization or rescued a puppy in the rain. Something the fans will get a crush on you for!

8: I don’t have those experiences. (lol) Well, I’ll think of something.

3: THANK YOU!

T: It seems the listeners will also be happy hearing about Yaotome-san’s manly episode!

T: Next is the request from Yamato-san please!

2: From me it’s “Please copy your favorite animal.”

1: The taste is the complete opposite of from Nii-san’s request huh...

8: What’s that?

2: As Mitsu says, Yaotome’s handsome right. Letting you do handsome and cool things aren’t interesting (lol)

2: I thought of letting him showing everyone that he’s not only handsome.

8: You’re making fun, aren’t you?

2: No no, it’s a serious request (lol)

8: Haven’t you been (lol)ing since earlier.

7: But I think copying an animal would be cute!

100: Certainly! Wouldn’t girls’ hearts throb because of the gap?!

2: I wanted to say that too.

8: Seriously? (lol)

9: Isn’t it fine. Before this, you and Ryuu were copying dogs. What about doing that?

8: What’s that. I never copied a dog.

10: Eh, was I doing that? I don’t remember...

9: Right. It seems you were pretty drunk.

9: You guys saw puppies barking on TV, you two suddenly started barking. Do you understand how I felt seeing you two?

8: Ah

8: That’s right, we did that kind of thing huh...

10: Really?!

9: Have you remembered?

9: It was annoying so I told you to stop but Japanese didn’t work. Maybe I should’ve spoken in dog language too.

10: S-Sorry...

8: Sorry..

4: Being drunk is seriously scary. I’ll neeeeever drink.

5: I should also be careful...

1000: If you drink responsibly, alcohol isn’t that bad.

9: Well, putting aside that day, you were good at copying so isn’t it fine.

8: R-Right. Then I’ll do Nikaido’s request as a dog...

2: Somehow, I’m sorry...

Anesagi: Gaku, afterwards please let me hear that. I’ll check if you can show it to people.

T: It is an unexpected specialty that you two are good at copying dogs…!

T: So then, next is Yaotome-san with a request for yourself please!

8: Yeah. My request is “I want to play one TRIGGER song.”

8: Because the other songs on the show have already been decided by someone else. But, since I’ll host the radio, I want them to hear a song with all three of us too.

10: I’m happy! I also want a lot more people to hear TRIGGER’s songs!

9: It’s a good request. But don’t the listeners want to hear Gaku talk?

8: Not only just playing a song, I’ll talk about the inside story that’s related to the song too. If I do that, the listeners will be happy too right?

9: Right.

8: But I don’t know what song to do.

8: There are too many songs I want to play that I can’t pick.

9: I want them to hear new songs too but the other songs are best too.

10: And there are lots of memories with the songs too...

8: Maybe I’ll make a die with the song titles on it and roll it during the corner?

9: That’s a good idea.

10: That seems like a fun idea huh! It seems I could be excited by the radio if Gaku’s request is chosen!

T: Definitely please also let me hear the inside story on TRIGGER-san’s song!

T: Next, how about we hear the request from Tsunashi-san?

10: From me it’s, “Tell me what you want to do in Okinawa”!

10: We go to Okinawa for jobs but we can’t really relax right? So then, if we took a vacation, I was thinking about guiding you through Okinawa’s sightseeing areas.

10: I’ll guide you, so can we go on a trip together? Of course with Tenn too.

8: That’s nice! If Ryuu is the guide, it seems like it could be a slightly deep trip huh.

8: Like going to an Okinawan food restaurant that only the local people would know.

9: A cool season might be nice.

4: Summers in Okinawa are insane huh! I was sweating so much I thought I’d melt.

1: That won’t happen but I understand how you feel. The temperature is lower than here, but the sunlight is strong.

10: That burning heat feels nice! Doesn’t it feel like you are alive?

6: Tsunashi-shi seems to have odd tastes. Japan’s summer heat is torture...

1000: I feel the same, Nagi-kun. I want to turn the AC onto the whole Earth.

10000: I think it would be good for Yuki to get out in the sun a little more though?

8: I actually like being hot. I’m looking forward to a trip to Okinawa!

9: Yeah. Seems like Anesagi-san heard that too.

Anesagi: Refreshing is a part of the job too. If there are times where you can get big break, I would adjust for it.

10: Thank you! I’ll rely on Anesagi-san then.

T: A trip to Okinawa with everyone sounds really fun!

T: Next how about hearing the request from Momo-san?

100: From me it’s “An association game.” (o‵・∀・′)b

100: It’s a game of answering with as many words that associ8 with “TRIGGER” before the time’s up!

8: Heeh, an association game seems fun somehow.

100: I couldn’t decide what word to associate with tho~.

100: I thought of a lot but the ones listening to Gaku’s radio are probably TRIGGER fans too. I thought they’d be happy to be able to hear group conversations!

8: So you thought about it that much huh. Thank you!

3: It seems it could become very heated if Yaotome’s talking about TRIGGER.

2: Seems like he would talk about his love for TRIGGER clearly.

4: So-chan is now searching “shorthand” and ”how to learn.”

5: Tamaki-kun, you don’t have to say that here..!

100: Are you going to write down everything from the radio?!

8: No matter which request I pick, I plan to make it a light and fun talk.

T: I’m looking forward to what kind of talk Yaotome-san will do on-air!

T: Lastly is the request from Yuki-san please!

1000: Who is Gaku-kun’s favorite in Re:vale?

1000: That’s it.

4: Amazing!! It’s such a coincidence!! It’s the same as me!!

1000: Yeah. I heard Tamaki-kun’s request so I did this.

4: [Spinning Pudding Stamp]

1000: I’d actually thought about something different but I felt like changing after hearing Tamaki-kun’s request.

8: No no! A favorite in Re:vale, but isn’t it just you two?! I can’t pick (lol)

1: Certainly, the importance differs compared to choosing from 7 people. It means you have to choose Momo-san or Yuki-san.

100: Picking one person out of two is a turning point in life! This is a scariest request that might change your life!

100: Who came up with this kind of ultimate request (＞＜）

1000: Me.

100: This is the cruelest request that no one could copy! You are so handsome that you came up with this…!

1000: ^ ^

4: Eeeeh! Yukirin just copied mine right?!

8: It’s terrible. I’ll pray that I don’t pull only this request...

T: It seems pretty difficult to pick one favorite huh..!

T: It’s curious in many ways, but that’s it for collecting the requests. Thank you everyone!

10: So then, next it’s Gaku’s turn to give us a request huh!

7: I’m looking forward to what kind of request it’ll be!

*T: Do you have a request for TRIGGER-san?

8: Let’s be the best TRIGGER from now on too. Even though I don’t even need to make a request for this.

8: I’ve gotten a lot of requests but saying something myself is kind of embarrassing (lol)

100: Embarrassed Gaku is cute! It’s fine to let me spoil you more ☆

10:Being relied on by reliable Gaku makes me happy!

2: While spoiling him, shall we celebrate your birthday?

3: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Yaotome! I found a nice darts bar, so let’s go there one day!

7: Happy Birthday! I’m looking forward to your radio!

100: (o'∀'o)ﾉ★°。+。☆HAPPY BIRTHDAY GAKU☆。+。°★\(o'∀'o)

10000: Happy Birthday!

4: Gakkun, HBD! Pull my request okay!

1000: Happy birthday. I’ll tell you if I recommend a movie.

1: Happy Birthday.

5: Happy Birthday. Please spend a wonderful year.

6: HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

2: Congrats. Shall we go drinking again?

Okazaki: Happy Birthday. From now on too, please take care of Re:vale.

Anesagi: Happy birthday. Someone was saying this before but, be spoiled when you can be spoiled.

T: Yaotome-san, Happy Birthday!

9: From us, maybe we should say it on your birthday.

8: Thank you. I’m happy that they celebrate me in a lively way every year.

8: It’s not as a return but I’ll definitely make this radio a fun episode. Expect a lot from it.

#idolish7 #idolish seven #Takanashi Tsumugi #tsumugi takanashi #Yaotome Gaku #gaku yaotome #idol #game #gaming #rabbit chat #12 hits #Wonderful Octave #translation #japanese #english #game app #idol game #Rhythm game

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angrylizardjacket · 5 years

Text

Asher Kids Do An Interview

Choose an OC.

Answer them as that OC.

Tag 5 people to do the same.

Tagging @siriuslymooned @sam-writes @toplesstaylor @rogerandhishair and anyone else who sees this and wants to do it!!

[aydtd]

Note: Astrid is the oldest. Cate is the middlest. Barney is the youngest.

1. What is your name?

Cate: Cate Taylor.

Barney: Barney Clarke- Taylor... Sun.

Astrid: Astrid Taylor.

2. Do you know why are you named that?

Cate: It’s short for Catherine.

Astrid: Is that what it’s short for?

Cate: Shut up.

Barney: What are you short for?

Astrid: That’s just how I grew.

Barney: You grew?

Astrid: I didn’t come out of ma at five-foot nothin’, yeah I fuckin’ grew, ya turnip.

Cate: Barney’s short for Barnabus.

Astrid: Barney’s short for a giant.

Barney: Taller than both of you.

Astrid: Taller than everyone.

Cate: ’s not difficult to be taller than Trid.

Astrid: Shut it; Barney what’s the deal with your last name?

Barney: Clarke is my professional name, I was born a Taylor, and I married into Sun. So legally I’m Barnabus Sun-Taylor, but I’m usually credited professionally as Barney Clarke.

Astrid: Huh. Nice; I didn’t realise you and Mickey [Barney’s partner] hyphenated. I’m named Astrid ‘cos dad liked how it sounded.

3. Are you single or taken?

Barney: Taken. [Barney wiggles the fingers off his left hand, to show where a wedding ring sits neatly on his ring finger.]

Cate: Taken? Taken. Not married though, almost made that mistake before.

Astrid: Single as.

4. Have any abilities or powers?

[There’s a long silence, the three of them look at one another with confusion.]

Barney: I played a superhero once.

Astrid: Oh yeah, you were good in that, what was it-?

Barney: X-Men.

Cate: Did you really forget X-Men?

Astrid: He’s been in a lot of movies!

5. Stop being a Mary Sue.

Cate: The next time you read an alcoholic, lesbian, disaster Mary Sue, can you please send me a link?

Astrid: Hey!

Barney: I’m pretty sure it’s ‘Gary Stu’ for me?

Cate: You’re not a Gary Stu... Actually-

Astrid: Maybe a little?

Barney: I’m successful, there’s a difference, I think.

Cate: (amused) Did you put yourself through the litmus test?

Astrid: There’s a litmus test?

6. What’s your eye color?

Astrid: Blue.

Cate: Blue.

Barney: Ma’s eyes all the way; green.

7. How about your hair color?

Barney: Ginger.

Cate: I dunno, I think I’d consider myself a strawberry blonde.

Astrid: We’re a weird sliding scale between mum and dad; I’ve got dad’s blonde hair.

8. Have any family members?

[They look at each other with amusement.]

Astrid: (sarcastically) No, I’ve never seen these people before in my life.

9. Oh? How about pets?

Cate: My daughter’s been asking about getting a dog and I’m pretty sure Joe’s gonna get her one if he gets wind of how much she wants it.

Astrid: God, imagine her little face if Joe gets her a puppy, oh Christ.

Cate: She’d cry, she’d absolutely cry, like happy tears but... oh, God I’m gonna get a dog aren’t I?

Barney: Pets are great; I love Sir more every day.

Astrid: I hope [Cate’s] dog is nothing like Sir, that cat is an asshole-

Barney: Only to you.

Astrid: Barn, your cat is an asshole.

Barney: You’re an asshole.

10. That’s cool, I guess. Now tell me something you don’t like?

Astrid: Barney’s fucking cat.

Barney: Astrid.

Cate: Calm down you babies. I don’t like wearing high heels.

Astrid: Seconded.

Barney: Thirded.

11. Do you have any activities/hobbies that you like to do?

Barney: I box.

Astrid: That’s your go-to, isn’t it?

Barney: Fine, I also enjoy swimming, spending time with Mickey, and mixing drinks.

Cate: That’s cute.

Astrid: I enjoy drinking the drinks he mixes.

Cate: That’s less cute.

Barney: Drinking isn’t a hobby.

Astrid: Alright, I enjoy going to pubs to listen to music, driving fast cars, and spending time with pretty people.

Cate: Yeah, that checks out. I don’t have a lot of time for hobbies, though I play music, my bass mostly, and, ah, studying languages I guess. And spending time with Claud [her daughter], obviously.

12. Have you ever hurt anyone in any way before?

Astrid: Bar fights, mostly. Smacked a few assholes who’ve heckled Barn’s movies while I’m trying to watch them.

Barney: That’s actually kind of sweet. I’ve only been in one bar fight, and Trid finished that guy off, but other than that, and a few stunts gone wrong, a few hits in boxing, not really.

Cate: (visibly uncomfortable) Not, uh, not physically.

13. Ever… killed anyone before?

Astrid: What the fuck? No.

14. What kind of animal are you?

Cate: I think I’m a meerkat.

[Astrid immediately raises her hands up to her chest like paws, perking up and looking around, imitating a meerkat. Cate smiles, and imitates the gesture.]

Barney: Yeah, I can see it. Trid’s that terribly taxidermied- ah, [he pulls out his phone, and taps away at the screen for a moment] cheetah!

[Astrid shoves him, but both he and Cate are laughing.]

Astrid: You’re your asshole cat.

15. Name your worst habits?

Barney: Oh, Mickey actually hit the nail on the head when we did the Husband Tag on their channel the other day- follow Mickey, they’re sunteamick, all one word, on YouTube.

Cate: What did they say?

Barney: I’m too unperturbed.

Astrid: You’re too chill?

Barney: They said I’m a danger to myself because of it; got hit in the face at boxing a few months ago, broke my nose - not the first time, but still not pleasant - and went home instead of to the hospital because I didn’t think it was that bad. It wasn’t; I still should have gone to hospital but it wasn’t that bad. Much worse things could have happened, it’s just a nose.

Cate: You need to be more perturbed?

Barney: I need to be more perturbed.

Astrid: Being unperturbed isn’t exactly a habit.

Barney: I also leave the cap off the toothpaste after I use it.

Cate: That’s bad and you should feel bad.

Barney: I do, but I’ll never change. It perturbs Mickey.

Astrid: My worst habit is that - I’m a stunt driver sometimes, right, and I do mad dangerous stunts, and every time I get injured or have like, a near death experience, I don’t think like ‘oh maybe I should slow down’, I think ‘how long until I can get this fuckin’ cast off and get back behind the wheel?’.

Cate: You’re an adrenaline junkie.

Astrid: But only with dangerous car stunts.

Barney: You perturb me.

Astrid: Good.

Cate: I bite my nails.

16. Do you look up to anyone at all?

Astrid: Physically or metaphorically?

Barney: You look up to everyone physically.

[Note; Barney Clarke is 6′4. Astrid Taylor is 5′0.]

Cate: Our parents, obviously. They’re very successful, and have been through a lot. I grew up idolising them because they’re my parents, but as I came to know more about them as people, it was just natural to idolise them as people too.

Barney: Yeah, mum and dad, also Alec Baldwin.

Cate: Alec Baldwin, really? I wouldn’t have picked that.

Barney: Did you see him in Streetcar? [he hums appreciatively] That man’s career, his talent, all the stuff of legend. Meryl Streep, too.

Cate: Yeah no, I get that.

Astrid: Meryl Streep can get it.

17. Are you gay, straight or bisexual?

Barney: Uh, I’m pan?

Cate: I’m probably on the asexual spectrum, I haven’t thought about it in a while. Not aromantic though, I guess I’d be bi or pan romantic? Queer. I’m queer.

Astrid: I’m- look at me, I’m a whole damn lesbian.

18. Do you go to school?

Astrid: I take a few classes here and there, but I actually didn’t finish high school, dropped out in Year 10 with my parent’s blessing and started working as a mechanic.

Cate: I haven’t studied in a while but I have a Masters in Public Relations.

Astrid: And she speaks like eight languages.

Cate: Five.

Astrid: Still, you’re a very impressive lady.

Cate: Thanks, Trid.

Barney: I finished high school, but I’ve been working pretty steadily since then, don’t have a degree or anything.

19. Ever want to marry and have kids one day?

Cate: I’ve got Claud, I almost married her dad, but... but that would have been bad for everyone. I’m not in a hurry to get married, let’s say.

Barney: Mickey and I don’t really want to be parents just yet, maybe one day, but we’re happy just spoiling Claud when we can.

Astrid: Oh, absolutely seconded; that kid is terrifyingly sweet for how spoiled she is.

Barney: She’s so great.

Cate: She really is.

20. Do you have any fangirls/fanboys?

Astrid: I run a Barney stan account on Twitter.

Barney: Really?

Astrid: Fuck no, but he does actually have fans.

Cate: I guess we all have fans in our own way, but a lot of that, like minus Barney, who’s genuinely a star, is more because of mum and dad.

Astrid: Imagine if Claud grows up to be a Queen stan on tumblr.

Cate: That’s horrifying.

21. What are you most afraid of?

Cate: The concept of Claud finding smut about Joe.

Astrid: The concept that Cate’s found and read smut about Joe.

Barney: Why would she need it? Couldn’t she just-

Astrid: Maybe before they were together?

Cate: I hate you both.

Barney: Well, that’s not a ‘no I haven’t read smut about my boyfriend’. Also I’m afraid of submarines.

Astrid: Submarines?

Barney: The big hole in the front of them gives me anxiety.

22. What do you usually wear?

Barney: Astrid doesn’t get to answer this one because she doesn’t know what fashion is, and dresses like a single dad in the middle of his mid-life crisis.

[Astrid shrugs but keeps quiet; her shorts have oil stains on them.]

Barney: Good. I’m a fan of colourful button-downs and slacks.

Astrid: Gucci [pronounced Gucky, like ducky but with a G] button-downs, you mean.

Barney: (quietly, but with a lot of feeling) I hate you.

[Cate is laughing too hard to answer. She wears a pastel sweater and well fitting jeans.]

23. What’s one food that tempts you?

Astrid: Kracken Rum.

Cate: That doesn’t count as food.

Astrid: I’m not changing my answer.

Cate: Fine. Original Glaze Krispy Cream Donuts.

Barney: Like the ones dad used to buy us when we’d visit him on tour in America?

Cate: Yeah! God they’re good.

Barney: I’m always tempted by whatever Mickey cooks, though they don’t do it a lot. I usually cook. I enjoy it a lot.

24. Am I annoying to you?

Cate: No, you’re fine.

25. Well, it’s still not over!

Astrid: How many questions left?

26. What class are you (low/middle/high)?

[All three of them seem to become uncomfortable with the question.]

Cate: We- we’re comfortable. Our parents are Roger and Ash Taylor, we’ll always be comfortable.

27. How many friends do you have?

Cate: I’d say we’ve all got good circles - very different circles, sure-

Barney: If Astrid could stop collecting my pretty-boy costars that is.

Astrid: (smugly) It’s not my fault I’m good at making friends with your pretty-boy costars.

Barney: I’m glad people don’t realise we’re related, sometimes.

Astrid: Because I embarrass you?

Barney: (grumbling under his breath) Because everyone thinks you’re cooler than me.

Astrid: Men are so easy to get; look good, drive fast, and drink hard. Once they find out I’m gay and I can help wingman them really well, and maybe fix their cars, I’ve got ‘em, hook, line, and sinker.

Barney: That’s a bit of a generalisation, don’t you think?

Astrid: Fine; pretty boys in Hollywood are easy to get.

Barney: That much I’ll give you.

28. What are your thoughts on pie?

Cate: Actually, Barney, that apple pie you made for Easter was stunning, I was meaning to tell you.

Astrid: Easter was months ago.

Cate: I’ve been busy!

Barney: Thanks, I can send you the recipe if you like.

Cate: I’d never have the time to cook it.

Barney: I’ll make it for you again, then.

29. Favorite drink?

Astrid: Kracken. Rum.

Barney: Peanut butter and chocolate milkshake.

Cate: (again, uncomfortable) Orange juice, I guess.

30. What’s your favorite place?

Barney: The kitchen of my LA apartment, with a roast dinner in the oven and Mickey sitting at the kitchen island talking to me about their day.

Cate: Awww!

Astrid: That’s really sweet, Barn.

Cate: Well mine’s probably being side of stage at one of dad’s concerts with Claud with me.

Astrid: (quiet) Mine’s gonna sound stupid.

Cate: No, it’s- well, maybe.

Astrid: It’s just- I don’t really have like a favourite favourite place, you know? I have like, moments with people that just stick with me. Like, I shared a cigarette with Ben [Hardy] during one of Cate’s gigs and I just remember talking and laughing and looking up at the stars, and I could hear my talented as all fuck sister playing inside, and I just- it was lovely.

Cate: Trid...

Astrid: And you know, I do remember X-Men, you know? Because when you flew with that scream-thing you do in the movie? I fucking cried. I was so fucking proud, dude. My favourite place is in a cinema watching my little brother on the big screen, or at a bar watching my sister smash out some of the best rock and roll of our generation, or watching dad play, or seeing mum’s smile when she’s finally happy with an outfit- fuck, sorry I didn’t mean to get all sappy and shit.

Barney: No- Trid, no, don’t apologise.

31. Are you interested in anyone?

Astrid: Not in a long-term sense.

[Cate and Barney share a frown, before turning their identical ‘are you kidding me?’ looks on the interviewer.]

32. That was a stupid question…

Barney: Yeah, I’m married.

33. Would you rather swim in a lake or the ocean?

Cate: Ocean, always the ocean.

Barney: Yeah, I’m with you on that one.

Astrid: But the ocean has submarines in it.

Barney: Well I can’t see them so it’s fine.

Astrid: Fair cop, I also have to say ocean.

34. What’s your type?

Astrid: (teasingly) Cate likes cute, goofy actors with dumb perms and big grins and-

Cate: Astrid likes all girls ever, especially if they buy her a drink.

Astrid: Guilty as charged.

Barney: Two opposite ends of the spectrum? Every girl ever and Joe Mazzello specifically?

Cate: ... Pretty much.

35. Any fetishes?

[Astrid opens her mouth, but Cate smacks her hand over her mouth.]

Cate: That’s information I don’t need to know about my sister, thanks.

Barney: (grinning) Bondage.

Astrid: (muffled) Nice.

Cate: Christ.

Barney: That’s the tame shit, Catie.

Cate: You are my Baby Brother, shut your mouth. Ow!

[Astrid has bitten Cate’s hand. She removes her hand from Astrid’s mouth.]

Barney: I’m a married man!

Cate: I don’t want to know what you guys are into, and I don’t want you to know what I’m into, okay? We all know too much about our own family, I’d like some modicum of privacy.

Astrid: Yeah, after you see your mum bare it all in a photoshoot from the seventies with Bowie, life does get a little weird.

Barney: Oh, I forgot about that. Okay, moving on.

36. Camping or outdoors?

Astrid: Camper van.

Barney: I like hiking, but not really camping.

Cate: Claud camps in the backyard sometimes, it’s fun to join her, sometimes we stargaze.

Astrid: That’s a grossly cute image to end on.

Barney: Does Joe stargaze with you guys?

Cate: (blushing) Once or twice. Claud fell asleep on him last time. It was pretty cute.

Astrid: Oh that’s actually really cute.

Cate: Yeah, it was.

#aydtd extended universe #ask your destiny to dance #the angry lizard writes #joe mazzello x oc

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aro-aizawa · 5 years

Text

alright so i finished up playing all of pokemon shield including the post-game mini plot, so here’s a quick fire list of all the things i liked about it and disliked about it before i go on to explain it in more depth (also spoiler warning). here we go.

what i liked:

the graphics, a little weaker in handheld form but largely unnoticeable unless you were looking for it. GREAT graphics when playing on tv mode.

the new pokemon. they were all really cute, and i especially loved the alternate forms and new evolutions of older gen pokemon.

opal, she’s hands down one of my favourite gym leaders so far only shortly followed by bede.

bede is a nonbinary icon as proven by the fact that they didn’t use any pronouns to refer to them until after the fourth gym, and the fact that when they’re in their gym uniform its trans flag colour. it may not be canon, but its canon in my heart.

gym battles are treated as they should be -- huge spectacles that gets people amped the hell up.

dynamaxing. its so goddamn satisfying to finish off a gym battle with your best pokemon as a fucking giant behind you, no matter their actual size. tiny pyukumuku behind you? badass. huge ass wailord? bad. ass. an actual baby pokemon? bad. ASS.

the wild area. introducing camping was a good system, it definitely helped a lot when you couldn’t exactly jump back to a pokemon center so you cook your pokemon some curry to revive and heal them. i imagine they took some inspiration from breath of the wild, tho i haven’t played it to really confirm.

what i didn’t like:

they cut so many corners in the game, you can definitely tell it was made in a hurry.

a minor note here, but for me i have this annoying bug that makes it so some pokemon have the exact same cry. its a sort of whooshing noise that you’d expect for a flying type pokemon, but it frequently appeared instead of well known and familiar cries. i can’t pin down exactly what the cause of this is, or if i’m hearing things wrong, but it was infuriating.

the towns are empty and barely even give you flavor text anymore. you might as well not speak to any npcs except shop keepers and named characters.

there is exactly three cute outfits and three cute hairstyles and that’s about it. i know a lot of this point is mostly about personal taste but please nintendo, we had such a good range in the previous game.

don’t explore. there is literally no point in looking in all the nooks and crannies of this game, because i guarantee that if the game doesn’t tell you to go there, then there’s nothing there.

it’s too easy. it’s....actually crazy that i’m even putting this as a point, because i’m a strict believer in making games playable for everyone. but it’s just....too much.

the cut down pokedex will forever inject salt right into my veins. especially when they had the audacity to include one of the first starter pokemon, but not the other two. charizard is an okay pokemon but its overrated, nintendo please accept that.

the plot didn’t exist until suddenly it did and then it made no sense.

i hate the fact that the team in this game were just delegated to fans. i understand the whole “fake out” thing they might have been going for by getting the player to think that they’d turn out to be bad, but no. it just sucks.

fucking. swordward and shieldbert. i???? literally. have no. words. (i do but they’re super long so hmmm down below)

a game worth about £20 ($25) less than i paid for it. its a decent quality game, but not nearly nintendo quality.

wow this post is longer than i expected it to be already. but anyways, the rest is super long and under the cut further going into depth about the points i raised.

to start with, i’ll talk about the good points because honestly?? i really wanted to love this game. i really really did. maybe it was just the fact that at first i didn’t like sun and moon because they changed the formula so much, but it turned out to become my favourite game in the series. or maybe it was just that i don’t like being hypercritical of things i spent fifty fucking pounds on. either way, i wanted to like the game, and overall i sort of did but i sort of didn’t. lots of mixed feelings. anyways. onto explaining the good stuff. (or you can skip to “now on w the bad junk” for the bad stuff)

1. the graphics, a little weaker in handheld form but largely unnoticeable unless you were looking for it. GREAT graphics when playing on tv mode.

one of my favourite things about the pokemon series in recent times is seeing the process from 2d undetailed sprites to 3d incredibly detailed models. the most ambitious thing about gen 5 was the way the camera moved with your movements as you crossed the bridge, and now i just sometimes sit back and thing “wow 13 year old me would FLIP if she could see how good they got”. bc i kept just....admiring all the graphics and the quality of them.

2. the new pokemon. they were all really cute, and i especially loved the alternate forms and new evolutions of older gen pokemon.

definitely one of my favourite things about the game was seeing the new forms of pokemon we already knew and the alternate forms they’d take when dynamaxed. i love seeing pokemon with new types that completely flip the script, like darumaka becoming an ice type instead of a fire type. or the fact that they gave mr mime a galaran form and it actually doesn’t look bad.

i really loved that some of the galaran forms had unique evolutions, such as linoone evolving into obstagoon. or meowth into perrserker. it makes sense and i’m always super happy to see new evolutions for old pokemon, it keeps things interesting when pokemon other than eevee get new evolutions.

(tho that being said, still disappointed there’s still not another eeveelution. still holding out hope for that ghost type.)

3. opal, she’s hands down one of my favourite gym leaders so far only shortly followed by bede.

i’m not super well versed in the pokemon universe besides from gen 1 and gen 5 onwards (if you couldn’t tell), but its really refreshing to have an old gym leader that’s visibly elderly rather that just grey haired maybe retiree man. her personality was also really fun, it sort of felt like she literally had the most personality of all the gym leaders, which kind of sucked but it made me really love her character.

and bede i didn’t wholly expect to really like as much as i did? i mayhaps might have spoiled myself a little on their gym leader status by dipping into the swsh tag here on tumblr before i fully completed the game. but still, they seemed just generally really annoyingly stuck up? but something endeared me to the darl and i just think it mostly had to do w the fact that opal took one look at them and declared they was her grandchild now.

4. bede is a nonbinary icon as proven by the fact that they didn’t use any pronouns to refer to them until after the fourth gym, and the fact that when they’re in their gym uniform its trans flag colour. it may not be canon, but its canon in my heart.

argue with me on this point all you like, but you can’t deny the fact that in CANON they literally did not use any pronouns to refer to bede until after the fourth gym. the only mention of pronouns before that was their trainer card, which i did not check because good character development should be shown not told through an impersonal medium such as character cards.

5. gym battles are treated as they should be -- huge spectacles that gets people amped the hell up.

i’ve always loved the way the league is set up, because it makes sense. the pokemon formula works and its interesting, but in previous games most people only vaguely acknowledge it as something every kid tries but doesn’t really complete. it’s already set up people love pokemon battles, there just wasn’t a spectator sport about it unless in the anime or movies. they’re just a thing that happens that none of the npcs care about.

finally its treated like the spectator sport that it should be. like,,, hell yeah,,,

(also do you think that in the pokemon universe there’s various stories/tv shows about made up kids completing the league and becoming champions? because i definitely do.)

6. dynamaxing. its so goddamn satisfying to finish off a gym battle with your best pokemon as a fucking giant behind you, no matter their actual size. tiny pyukumuku behind you? badass. huge ass wailord? bad. ass. an actual baby pokemon? bad. ASS.

i p much summed up most of my thoughts in this point well. but i love when pokemon are so visibly powerful. like these creatures have powers that we’d equate to actual gods like summoning whole storms, creating giant waves, create earthquakes and so much more. pokemon are so powerful and to see them become giant and have so much weight and power? its so satisfying controlling that and bringing down other giant pokemon.

7. the wild area. introducing camping was a good system, it definitely helped a lot when you couldn’t exactly jump back to a pokemon center so you cook your pokemon some curry to revive and heal them. i imagine they took some inspiration from breath of the wild, tho i haven’t played it to really confirm.

i really appreciated the change that started in pokemon let’s go with some pokemon being visible and easy to encounter wandering through the grass. it makes it so much easier to search for the one pokemon that you don’t have in your pokedex yet, or if you’re looking for a specific pokemon to join your team.

i love how large and expansive the wild area is, and with the camping system you can just explore and fill out your pokedex without ever leaving if you’re fully stocked up on supplies. it makes you really believe the whole “yep this kid isn’t just blasting through the whole thing in one day”. kids sleep in tents on their journey with their pokemon and cook curry for them all. adds a nice level of immersion and convenience.

jesus fuck this is so long and i haven’t even gotten to my criticisms yet, is anybody actually reading this chunk of text??? well rip to you my friend and thank you. but now on w the bad junk.

1. they cut so many corners in the game, you can definitely tell it was made in a hurry.

they did a decent job considering it was in development for only two years w one only for the concept and the second actually making it. but they cut so many corners it doesn’t quite feel like a true installment into the pokemon universe. it feels like it was made by another dev studio rather than gamefreak. like how fallout new vegas and fallout 3 barely feel like the two installments in the same franchise.

this point sort of leads into many different points that i raised, so i’ll explain those a little bit more in depth there. but to sum it up, the easiest way to see it is just how...flat things are. if you only pay attention to the things the game directs you to, then you will not miss a single thing. flavor text is less about adding depth to the world and more just...pointless. it adds. nothing.

and in the post game when sonia gets a new assistant, even though she plays a fairly important part in the post-game plot, she doesn’t get a name nor a unique character model. she get’s a generic doctor model yet it’s treated like we should feel betrayed that nameless npc 234 went behind sonia’s back and stole from her.

OH! and i almost forgot!!!! but that one part where rose is trying to talk leon into something “mysterious”??? they straight up just used images!!!! like,,,, what???? you didn’t have time to program the minimal animations for that?? who’s fault is that for pushing the release!!! give your employees time to work at a decent pace and not crunch them to reach an impossible goal. game freak, you don’t have to release a game every november.

2. a minor note here, but for me i have this annoying bug that makes it so some pokemon have the exact same cry. its a sort of whooshing noise that you’d expect for a flying type pokemon, but it frequently appeared instead of well known and familiar cries. i can’t pin down exactly what the cause of this is, or if i’m hearing things wrong, but it was infuriating.

also p much just explain this in the point. BUT it happened all. the. time. the only pokemon i know for sure was effected by the bug was gyarados, because instead of the roaring cry i heard the whooshing sound that was probably meant to be another pokemon’s cry. it sounds wack when im saying it rn bc im not 100% convinced i wasn’t making this up, but it was the sole reason i turned the pokemon cries to get drowned out by the music and sound effects.

3. the towns are empty and barely even give you flavor text anymore. you might as well not speak to any npcs except shop keepers and named characters.

i touched on this previously in 1 but basically walking around a town and talking to npcs will not get you any interesting dialog. going into the houses/rooms, and you’ll only get one npc who’s all like “i’m brushing my hair!” and that’s about it. there aren’t any items tucked away in houses or corners of buildings for you to explore or battle people. when you acknowledge that there’s no flavor text from npcs all the towns feel practically empty whereas in the previous games it actually alive.

not to mention how little the diaglog changes? like it may just be my faulty memory at play but im pretty sure that the npcs in the previous games had more dynamic dialog in which they’d change what they said depending on your action in the town or for the plot. after a major event just happened, if you walked around and talked to everyone in that area they’d talk about it. but that happened like....once.

4. there is exactly three cute outfits and three cute hairstyles and that’s about it. i know a lot of this point is mostly about personal taste but please nintendo, we had such a good range in the previous game.

one thing i loved about the series was the increasing freedom in customisation of trainers. fashion kept getting wider and with more variety, clothes that were still cute and i’d frequently have about 2k because i just kept buying them. by the end of my playthrough of swsh i had almost a million saved up because i didn’t like most of the clothing options. i found one outfit and hairstyle i liked a quarter of the way through the game and stuck with it until the end. they drastically cut down on the options, and that sucked.

5. don’t explore. there is literally no point in looking in all the nooks and crannies of this game, because i guarantee that if the game doesn’t tell you to go there, then there’s nothing there.

again, already touched on this point but one example i know is this. when you go to the energy plant to battle rose, or go to the roof to battle eternus, i expected to go back to it when the event was over to see if something was left behind or because i’d been locked in a cutscene and unable to explore before, that meant there would be something now. but nope. don’t bother. even when you think you might be able to do something fun, don’t try until the game points you in that direction itself. if something interesting is going to happen in the game, i assure you they will point it out for you.

6. it’s too easy. it’s....actually crazy that i’m even putting this as a point, because i’m a strict believer in making games playable for everyone. but it’s just....too much.

hard games disinterest me. if a game is renowned for it’s difficulty, then i will avoid it. i don’t care if defeating dark souls is a badge of honor for your stubbornness or skill. i simply don’t enjoy playing a game that makes me want to quit in frustration because i am not good at video games. i appreciated how easy the games have been in recent years because it makes it a lot easier for me to actually complete them and enjoy them, it’s why i have trouble getting into the earlier gens of pokemon.

but when it got to the point where after only about an hour or two of dynamax farming, by the time that i got round to the championships i was literally one shotting every single pokemon. even when i didn’t have super effective moves. i was almost 20 levels ahead of the competition, and blasted through the whole thing in a total of 10 minutes battle time and 30 minutes dialog and cutscene time, with a 20 minute pause for a phone call.

i defeated leon with only very minimal struggle. i couldn’t one shot all his pokemon, i will admit. i two shotted them. i went into the championship fully stocked up on potions and revival items and left with all of them. none of my pokemon fainted or even sustained major damage.

while satisfying feeling that you’re op enough to utterly annihilate your opponents, there comes a point where it’s just “why bother i know i’ll win” which kind of sucks.

7. the cut down pokedex will forever inject salt right into my veins. especially when they had the audacity to include one of the first starter pokemon, but not the other two. charizard is an okay pokemon but its overrated, nintendo please accept that.

sorry to charizard fans, but please acknowledge that it’s overrated. its design is basic, and already has multiple different forms. the fact that they passed over the opportunity for the creativity that dynamax venusaur or blastoise could give, for another basic dragon design is so annoying.

not to even mention the fact that they didn’t even bother to keep the rest of the starter pokemon either. i vaguely remember one time some nintendo employee or big shot saying that the best thing about it is that every pokemon is at least one person’s favourite. the underused or underloved pokemon will always be ONE person’s favourite, and that’s why you can get the whole pokedex. but y’know fuck that philosophy in the name of getting the game out on time. when they could have very easily pushed the release date back. i’m lucky that most of my faves got included but i know that a fair amount did not. and i’m pissed.

8. the plot didn’t exist until suddenly it did and then it made no sense.

9. i hate the fact that the team in this game were just delegated to fans. i understand the whole “fake out” thing they might have been going for by getting the player to think that they’d turn out to be bad, but no. it just sucks.

these two go so hand in hand, that i’m taking the time to address them together considering in every single previous game so far the team has had some HEAVY influence on the plot in one way or another. they’re always linked to the legendary pokemon of the game and they’re always included in the overarching plot, either by driving the player to act or subtly there.

i kept seeing team yell show up and trying to work out how they were going to join the plot. were they a cult doing Science Shit in the background trying to revive the legendaries? was marnie the leader of this cult and going through the league to distract people from her totally devious going-ons? or would it turn out that marnie though the team harmless but really it was a front for her relative’s secret cult?

nope!!! they were annoying roadblocks who added literally nothing to the plot.

and when i realised that, it was the seventh gym battle and so far the only plot i’d glimpsed at was the mysterious explosions in hammerlocke city and the overarching tale of the sword and shield that had been obvious since literally the first time sonia started to talk about it. there had been no plot. there was literally no plot other than the gym battles which sonia and leon specifically called out to “leave this to the grownups, you two just focus on the gym challenge”.

and when i got my eighth badge and was completing the equivalent of the elite four, i was still confused as FUCK because where the hell was the plot???? and then the whole weird ass “we have to save leon” from a meeting with.....a chairman? how about you wait just an hour jfc it’s not that bad? he’s not being held against his will? the chairman wasn’t doing anything obviously evil or even hinted at?

the whole thing was vague and rose’s motivation was just ??????? i don’t know???? i still don’t exactly know what the whole deal was. it came out of nowhere and made. no. sense. it had completely lost me. along with the fact that they were suddenly introducing dynamax raids like we hadn’t already been doing that so many times in the wild area????

which leads me to my next point.....sigh.

10. fucking. swordward and shieldbert. i???? literally. have no. words. (i do but they’re super long so hmmm down below)

first things first, is that i hate everything about these characters. from their names, to their designs, to their motivations, to how they’re handled in canon. it was shitty and while i had fun playing with the whole “this is what a champion does after they beat the previous one” thing, it was just in general really bad.

like, i cannot get over how shitty their designs were. their hair was literally a sword and a shield. i kept thinking “wow swordward has a penis head that wiggles when he moves” and couldn’t take a single thing he said seriously. i literally wanted to weep at the horrible character design.

not to mention the suddenness of their whole schtick. “yeah we’re royalty and we’re “”””CELEBRITIES”””” even if none of you have heard of us”. like what????? the fuck????

it just sort of pisses me off to an astronomical degree that this low quality shit was jammed into a pokemon game when they were getting so good at storytelling. it felt like game freak were hammering me with a club while singing “YOU PAID 50 WHOLE POUNDS FOR THIS IN PARTICULAR!!!” like,,,, thanks. thank you. thank you for waiting until after i’d finished the game to really hammer home that point.

which somewhat leads me to my last point that really just sums up the majority of my thoughts on the whole game:

11. a game worth about £20 ($25) less than i paid for it. its a decent quality game, but not nearly nintendo quality.

if i knew what i knew about the game know, i wouldn’t pay fifty fucking pounds for it. it physically pains me to spend more than £30 in one sitting, that i actually winced while i was buying it even though i was being 100% optimistic that i was going to love it. at most i’d pay £30 for it, but only then. it’s a good game to really distract you and power through but other than that, i don’t see it as a game i’m going to come back to so i can complete the pokedex and i certainly am not going to buy the other game so i can play it again unlike how i’ve done in the past with my favourite installments.

maybe i’m just picky, or i don’t buy games often enough, but i really would not classify this as a quality installment in the pokemon franchise. if you get a free copy, or just the opportunity to play it for a few hours then fine it’s a great game. but not quite something you should want to spend your money on. but don’t pirate it. that’s a fast way to get bugs.

to sum this whole mess of a post up: immediately after finishing the game i said to myself “now time to go play a REAL pokemon game” before booting up pokemon moon.

#long post #pokemon sword and shield #pokemon swsh #pokemon #shut up danni #wow this got LONG its literally 4k words #i got a little salty #ooooppps #i really wanted to like this game #i really really did because i hate being negative about pokemon #its one of the few series that i love with barely any faults #but this......this is just painful #i should be thankful on some level because it distracted me from the fact that i was in the process of rehoming my dog #but still there's just....so many things wrong with it.....#sigh #(pls give this post attention it took me an hour and a half to write)

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