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feralaot · 3 years

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AOT characters + an FTM!reader s/o

I had a few requests asking for different characters with an FTM reader so this is just a compilation combining all of those!

warnings: brief mention of dysphoria, brief mention of transphobia

modern setting

Armin

oh lord he’s so sweet. he almost cries when you come out to him because he’s just so honored and happy that you trusted him enough to tell him something like that

after coming out he immediately drops your dead name and uses your preferred pronouns on the spot. he cares a lot and wants you to know that he supports you endlessly

if somebody says something rude to you armin will try to passive aggressively educate them because that’s his boyfriend they’re disrespecting 🤬

if you’re post op and are comfortable with being shirtless around him, armin might offer to paint on your chest and scars. it’s a huge part of his love language and he wants to show you that your body is beautiful no matter what it’s been through. flowers, landscapes, constellations... anything that he thinks is beautiful

with that being said his favorite flowers are cornflowers so expect a lot of those being painted on your skin

Jean

don’t even worry about anyone purposely misgendering you or saying something disrespectful, jean will literally beat them up no hesitation

he’s not very good at comforting someone but he sure does try. awkward pats on the backs calling you handsome and reaffirming your gender identity will probably be the method

he’s definitely a himbo and doesn’t understand it completely so you can expect to get a lot of questions from him about your identity but he won’t push any boundaries or ask uncomfortable things

he does however try his best to research on his own and educate himself to learn what to do to best suit your needs and be as respectful as possible :)

really doesn’t care how masculine you look or how well you pass, no matter what he’s gonna claim that he’s “the worse looking one” in the relationship and he’s totally okay with that

Levi

seems like the kind of person to not give a shit what your gender is. if he likes you and you like him, why should it matter? he doesn’t mind at all is what I’m basically saying

however don’t let that fool you. he’s very gentle and never pushes your boundaries. he’s also going to throw major hands with anyone who’s being transphobic 🙄

while he does seem to give off the attitude that he doesn’t care about anything he does care immensely about you and your mental health. he’s open 24/7 if you ever want to vent to him, he’ll listen with no complaints and be very thoughtful.

he’s surprisingly accommodating for you. obviously being levi’s anything is a difficult task since he’s so closed off to people in general but if he really trusts you then you’ve definitely earned it and you two are inseparable

his love language is using lots of positive affirmations and validating words like “handsome”

Hange

we already know that hange is going to be over enthusiastic about you and your transition, especially if you decide to medically transition. they’re gonna want to know everything about it and always tag along to your bloodwork tests

they’re also hands down the best shopping buddy, they’ll always offer to take you to whatever store you want and buy you whatever clothes you want

if somebody were to say something rude about you or them hange wouldn’t even bother trying to explain they’d just go straight to yelling profanities because “you can’t help stupid” 🙄

if / when you get top surgery they’ll be babying you through the entire recovery process; making sure you took your meds, making sure you have enough blankets, making sure you’re never hungry or thirsty. it’s adorable but can get just a little obnoxious after a bit LMAO

if you aren’t publicly out and don’t want other people to know quite yet, rest assured that it’s completely safe with hange. they may be a loudmouth but they know that this is a level of trust that can never be betrayed. they refer to it as “confidential”

Reiner

we have another himbo here that doesn’t know much about it but he sure does try his best to learn everything he should know so that he doesn’t accidentally say something insensitive

eventually he becomes well versed in vocabulary and quickly realizes that, yes, he is in fact gay for being attracted to you

he asks a lot of questions but stammers and stutters and apologizes as he expresses them. a lot of his questions are asking for clarification on things or specifics for how he can best accommodate your preferences. what’s okay to say in public? how do you prefer to be addressed? he sweats bullets honestly

he’s the most willing to go to pride events because we already know he’s a flaming homosexual and is willing to be loud about it, you’re his boyfriend and he’s gonna be proud of it

he’s gonna validate you with small mocking compliments like “ugh, stop being so damn handsome, I can’t even look at you!”

Bertholdt

when you came out to him he could tell that you were visibly nervous, so he immediately pointed out that it’s absurd to think he would be uncomfortable with it. he’s supportive all the way with whatever you decide to do and will be there for guidance if you ever need it.

he always offers you his clothes because naturally they’re probably very baggy compared to your normal size so a lot of your closet is just sweaters that you’re borrowing from him but he doesn’t mind because he thinks you look adorable in them 💗

I think he’s sort of touchy but it’s not something you see from him much in public, only in private. every day he would ask what you’re okay with, especially if you’re particularly dysphoric. he also checks in through the day to see if anything has changed

if you’re post op and comfortable with being shirtless he would like to gently trace your scars and tell you affirming things about how your body is beautiful, your scars don’t define you if you don’t want them to, etc

he’s very gentle and considerate and will never press you for details that you aren’t comfortable sharing or push any boundaries whatsoever

Annie

she acts like she doesn’t care very much but in fact she’s very grateful that you had enough trust in her for you to feel safe coming out to her. she doesn’t think a lot of people trust her but once you told her this fact she felt.... appreciated

she already knows a bit about gender stuff (porco is a trans guy too, so she had to deal with him when he was going through his transition as well) so you can take it easy and not have to worry about explaining things to her very often

she always reminds you to take your hormones or any medication you need, she’s very thoughtful and probably remembers your schedule better than you do LMAO you better take care of yourself or she’s coming for you

she says a lot of things like “handsome” and “my boyfriend” completely on purpose because that little flush on your face you get when she does is always worth seeing

if you’re okay with it, she’s very physically affectionate and will gently touch your chest or kiss your scars, just making sure that you know you’re appreciated in her eyes no matter what anyone else thinks about you.

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bumblebeerror · 2 years

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You will never be the opposite SEX. That is unchangeable right down to your very mitochondrial dna. You have a mental illness called “gender dysphoria” or you're a transtrender.

All the “validation” you get is two-faced and half-hearted. Behind your back people mock you. Your parents are disgusted and ashamed of you, your “friends” laugh at your ghoulish appearance behind closed doors.

Normal people are utterly repulsed by you. Thousands of years of evolution have allowed humans to sniff out frauds with incredible efficiency. Even trannies who “pass” look uncanny and unnatural.

You will never be happy. You wrench out a fake smile every single morning and tell yourself it’s going to be ok, but deep inside you feel the depression creeping up like a weed, ready to crush you under the unbearable weight.

Eventually it’ll be too much to bear - you’ll buy a rope, tie a noose, put it around your neck, and plunge into the cold abyss. Your parents will find you, heartbroken but relieved that they no longer have to live with the unbearable shame and disappointment. They’ll bury you with a headstone marked with your birth name, and every passerby for the rest of eternity will know who is really buried there. Your body will decay and go back to the dust, and all that will remain of your legacy is a skeleton that is unmistakably of your sex.

Good luck with that, stubborn child who refuses to listen to anyone.

“Stubborn child” bro I’m almost 25

“You’ll never be the opposite sex” yeah thank god because that’s not my goal

“Thousands of years of evolution have allowed us to sniff out frauds with accuracy” bro my pronouns and gender are in my bio and you seem to think I’m binary trans. Also I’m absolutely convinced you have no idea what my agab is despite me being very open about it on my blog.

Also yea I’ll probably never pass in my lifetime, I’ve posted about it before. I can’t say I really care, what I do makes me happy and that’s all I’m really here for.

I have loads of mental illnesses, bro, what’s one more. Either way the treatment usually recommended for gender identity disorder is physical and/or social transition to the desired gender presentation so, don’t you worry I’m on top of it. I’m already three months on T, and my doc assures me that I should be able to get top surgery once I’m on for about three more.

I’ve been bullied and mocked all my life bro. If you think I give a damn about what random strangers think about me, you need a reality check.

My dad’s dead, also. He can’t really make fun of me. Not that he would, considering Daddy Issues is about the only box I don’t tick. And I won’t lie, I accepted a long time ago that my mother will never like what I’m doing, but honestly…

If I lived my life the way other people wanted me to, I’d be actually miserable.

But as it is, sure, I’ve got disabilities and mental illness to deal with, but I’ve got a bunch of sweet friends, two housemates who respect who I am, a job, a home, a dog, and a hobby that I enjoy. I’m pretty content with my lot.

Planning for the future is hard when you’ve been suicidal since about 12 because of your depression, but on (the increasingly more frequent) good days I plan to hang around till well after my mom passes. And even then - I’ve never made an attempt on my life. Whether it makes me a coward or a hero I don’t really care, and sure, I have wanted it before. But I kinda doubt that after 13 years of not being able to cut down the street or swallow pills, that I’ll suddenly do it because you like to send people this bullshit.

So anyway, good luck being pissed off at me living my life, hope it fulfills you someday, I guess.

#tw suicidal mention #suicide tw #first hate mail in a while #won’t lie I didn’t see it because I don’t check my inbox #and you’re blocked on my main so you don’t show up in my notes

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prettyboy-asmo · 3 years

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Obey me! boys with trans masc MC

Some headcanons about the brothers + Solomon and Diavolo with Trans Masc MC. it’s pretty self-indulgent. Obviously not everyone shares the same experiences with their identity. I took from my own experiences and feelings about things to write these.

TW: Mentions of transphobia (not detailed and not from any of the main characters)

Lucifer

It doesn’t actually come up for some time, not until you realize that you two are definitely getting closer to being intimate.

One night things start to get steamy and when you realize you have to force yourself to not run away. You’re still up and halfway across the room faster than Lucifer thought a human could move. Your heart is beating wildly in your chest, and you have to make yourself look Lucifer in the eyes.

He’s quick to apologize, thinking he made you uncomfortable- he’s honestly worried he’d hurt you or crossed your boundaries. You assure him that it’s nothing like that. You just need to explain something before things go further.

If you are nervous about telling him, he’ll wait patiently for you to say what you need to say. Reassures you that it changes nothing about how he feels about you. He only cares that you’re happy and comfortable.

“I’m glad you feel comfortable telling me. I know humans can hold some troubling views on the subject.” He’s never really understood a lot of the human hang ups on things like this, but he knows it’s a big deal for some to share the knowledge with others, it takes trust.

What he doesn’t say is how happy he is that you trust him that much (how proud he is,)

Will ask if there’s anything specific you need him to do/not do or anything that you might not have that you want or need. (ie: new binder if you haven’t had top surgery, do you want top surgery? He can make it happen.)

If you’re having a particularly bad time with dysphoria, he’ll straight up ask if there’s anything he can do to help.

He’ll also be sure to call you by your name, or specifically masculine terms

Someone misgenders you on purpose? He doesn’t hesitate to set them straight. No one’s foolish enough to do it again.

Mammon:

He finds out on accident. You’re changing when he barges in your room, saying something about being late for breakfast in his usual loud manner.

He freezes when he finally looks at you, Sees your binder or your scars but honestly it doesn’t really register bc holy shit his human is half dressed and standing in front of him and-poor boy is blushing so hard and is silent because he’s certain he’ll make a fool of himself.

It hadn’t occurred to you until he went quiet that he didn’t know already.

You finish getting dressed and his silence is worrying you at this point. You quietly ask him if he’d like for you to stop hanging around him

That manages to snap him out of his daze and he looks utterly confused. “Why would ya think that?” You try to explain that you’ve had people that have stopped speaking to you because you’re trans, or have even tried to tell you it’s wrong.

“They obviously don’t know anything,” He says, “You’re stuck with the Great Mammon, ya hear? I’m your first guy and you’re my man!” It’s not the first time he’s referred to you as his, but it’s the first time he’s used man instead of human. After that though, he starts doing it more and each time it makes you smile.

“That’s right, That’s my man!” “What took ya so long, man?”

If you’re having bad dysphoria he’s very vocal about calling you his man, reassuring you, and asking what you want in that moment. Stay in and just lay around? Sure. find a distraction? He can think of plenty.

He offers you some of his shirts and jackets. “They suit ya,” he insists, even if they’re big on you, “Gotta make sure my man is staying stylish!” (He won’t admit how happy it makes him to see you wearing his clothes, but you can tell anyways.)

Someone misgenders you to upset you? “What’d you just say to my man?” He’s angry and he’s not about to be quiet about it.

Leviathan:

You mention it off-handedly while discussing your favorite anime and manga.

You’d started talking about one that actually had pretty decent Trans rep, lamenting that it wasn’t more popular because of how much it meant to see someone like you-

Levi catches it immediately, but he doesn’t say anything about- It doesn’t change anything he feels anyway.

He does, however, take time to look for movies, tv shows, games, or anything you might both enjoy that has good Representation.

When you realize what he’s doing you can’t help but hug him tightly and kiss his cheek, and it makes him blush.”I’m glad you’re happy.”

Bad Dysphoria? He’ll drag you to his room to binge anime, play games, and watch movies. He knows the distraction helps.

You’re his Henry, and he’s gonna go the extra mile to make sure you’re comfortable, however he can.

If you use a binder and find you need a new one, he’s on top of it- He’ll offer to make one for you so he knows it’ll be the right size and it will be good quality.

Someone misgenders you after being corrected? He checks on you first and asks if you want him to do something about it. If he finds out they did it Maliciously? He’s going to do something about that- reminding everyone in the process that he’s the third eldest (and third most powerful) for a reason.

Satan:

It comes up when you start spending more time with him- studying or getting book recommendations to pass your free time, You can tell when your interactions shift to something more.

He nods when you tell him, “And your pronouns are He/him, correct?”

Asks if there’s anything he should avoid doing, anything you don’t like to be called, He wants to know your boundaries then and there so he doesn’t overstep them.

He spends some time researching. He wants to make sure he understands as much as he can about you, including this- he doesn’t want to ask you directly what your experience in the human realm was, in case it brings up any unpleasant memories.

You notice the change in his reading list eventually and it makes you feel warm knowing that he’s doing it for you. You tell him if he does have any questions he can ask you.

He does ask you if you use a binder and if you’re binding safely.

He also asks if Dysphoria is something you struggle with. If you tell him it is, his line of questioning shifts to things he can possibly do to help you deal with it.

If it’s a really rough day and you admit you don’t want to really do anything, he’ll pick a book to read to you, just so you know he’s there for anything you need, even if it’s just quiet company.

He also becomes a little more vocal, calls you things like dashing or handsome.

If someone misgenders you with ill intent? He’s going to deal with it, and it’s not going to be pretty.

Asmodeus:

He invites you to his room to show you the new outfits he bought. He does it pretty much every time he goes shopping.

This time the first outfit he walks out includes a skirt. You already know Asmo doesn’t believe in gendered clothing, or adhering to any sort of ‘norm’ but it’s the first time you’ve seen it so obviously in person when it comes to his clothes.

“I wish I could wear something like that,” the words are out your mouth before you register them, and you flush even while Asmo giggles. He offers his closet to you and tells you to try something on.

Your hesitance must show, because he frowns a little, looking concerned. “I used to,” you admit, “But people kept telling me that I didn’t need to transition if I liked all that stuff anyways.”

He’s next to you in a second, hand tilting your chin to look at him, “Fuck those people,” he says seriously, “It’s a shame for a man to hide such a delightful body. It’s even worse for him to deny himself things he likes because of ignorant commentary.”

He ends up making suggestions on what to try on, starting with a simple skirt and shirt combo.

You stare at the mirror for a long time, turning occasionally to watch the way the skirt flares up slightly when you do. You catch Asmo smiling behind you in the reflection.

“Do you like it?” You catch his eyes in the reflection, nodding, “I missed the feeling. Thank you, Asmo.”

“Anything for someone as handsome as you,”

If you’re feeling really dysphoric he’ll try to pamper you- want him to brush your hair? Face masks? A relaxing bath? An entire spa day? New clothes? He wants you to feel good about yourself and he knows self care is the first step.

He loves to pick out clothes for you to wear, but he always explicitly asks what style you want, because he wants you to feel as good as you look in anything he picks for you.

If someone misgenders you maliciously or more than once, he’ll have plenty of words with them.

In fact, as it turns out many of his fans will also have words if they catch wind- Asmo loves posting pics with you on Devilgram and taking you to the Fall, so you’ve also become part of many of his fans' lives too.

Beelzebub:

You feel a little self-conscious surrounded by attractive demons- But Beel is a whole other level. He’s tall and solid muscle, and you're envious of it.

You know you could never keep up with his workouts, but you ask if you could join him anyways, and if he could give you some pointers on good workouts for specific goals. He agrees right away, more than happy to help.

It becomes a routine and you look forward to your shared workouts, even if it’s just you both doing your own thing, or Beel giving you pointers on your form or him asking you to record him so he can see how his own form looks.

You’re so comfortable around Beel, that during one of your afternoon workouts you pull your shirt over your head as you stop to take a break and even out your breathing.

“It’s not good to wear a binder while exercising for so long.” Beel’s concerned comment takes you off guard for a moment and you flush, unsure of what to say because he sounds so casual about it, and you aren’t really used to it.

You settle for “Sorry,” and quickly go to tug your shirt back on, but he shakes his head. “You don’t have to. Just rest while I finish up.”

“You’re doing this for you, right? No matter what, You’re a great guy, so don’t push yourself because other people expect it.” You’re surprised when he joins you after he’s done and it’s the first thing he says. You tell him it does help you feel better about yourself and you enjoy spending the time with him, doing something you both enjoy. And the smile he gives you is blinding.

If you’re having a bad time with Dysphoria he’ll ask what you want to do. Workout? Movie and Snacks? Do you need a distraction or do you want to just...be?

He’s well aware of the toxic masculinity that can be present in places like gyms and such. He’s never tolerated it, but there’s a new edge to him if he hears anyone saying something disrespectful or hateful.

If someone misgenders you, he makes his displeasure known but he focuses on making sure you aren’t upset. (Not many would dare risk making him angry anyways, as quiet as he is he’s still intimidating when he needs to be.)

Belphegor:

You don’t actually tell him. with how often you end up napping with him he just knows. He doesn’t even say anything about it- he doesn’t see the need to and neither do you.

He does say something the one time he catches you falling asleep in a binder. “You can’t sleep in that!” he wakes you up and makes you change- he tells you it’s important to have proper sleepwear, a lecture that might even rival one Lucifer's, as he himself begins to doze off.

After that he makes a point to check to make sure you aren’t wearing a binder before he cuddles up for a nap or for the night (Not that he admits it to you)

He likes to tease you, but he’s always hyper aware of his words. The last thing he wants to do is accidentally say something that might actually hurt you

He doesn’t tend to use overly gendered language with you in the first place, “You’re my nap buddy,” “You make a really nice pillow,” “I like it when you look flustered like that,”

But if he notices/ you tell him you’re struggling with dysphoria more than usual he’ll make the effort to use specifically masculine terms

He’s not the greatest with being open about his feelings but he’ll reassure you if that’s what you need

He doesn’t like seeing you struggling so he asks the best ways to help you feel better, even if he still teases you he’s doing his best to cheer you up or make you more comfortable.

If someone misgenders you on purpose he’s making sure you’re okay. He’ll be even more clingy than usual, glare at anyone he thinks looks at you wrong or he’ll simply drag you back home to laze around and cuddle (He tells you he’s tired and just wants to nap, but he really just wants to keep an eye on you in case it upset you more than you showed.)

He’ll have a discussion with whoever upset you later, anyways.

Solomon:

When you realize he’s way older than he looks you’re concerned that he’s gonna have some very archaic views about things.

Even as you grow closer to him, the thought nags at the back of your mind and it keeps you stuck at a distance despite his obvious flirting.

He notices, of course. “Am I making you uncomfortable? I can stop if you’d like,” It's a stark contrast to his usual teasing and mystic demeanor, and the serious expression on his face draws some courage from you.

You manage to tell him without stuttering, and then you flush when you tell him you weren’t sure he’d be okay with that. Saying it out loud makes you feel a little silly- all things considered.

He hums and tells you he understands, but that he doesn’t care in the sense that if you’re happy and true to yourself that’s what matters most. (It sounds suspiciously like something Asmo would say, but there’s sincerity in his voice and eyes.)

His flirting continues- when he passes you at RAD, when he invites you to study with him, even his messages, simple compliments like “You look rather handsome today,” or teasing “I’m so lucky to sit with the cutest boy in class,” but now that you aren’t worrying about other things, you can finally return his teasing.

If you’re having a hard time with dysphoria, he’ll ask if he can help. He’ll show up with snacks, movies, books, anything you want to do. He’ll even offer to ask Asmo for the needed supplies for a spa day, if he thinks that might help.

If someone misgenders you on purpose he’s gonna set them straight. He’s the most powerful sorcerer and he’s not going to let someone disrespect you like that

Diavolo:

When you arrive in the Devildom, you actually laugh. A few of the people (demons!) standing around you look concerned.

“I mean, plenty of people told me I’d go to hell but I don’t think this is what they meant.” There’s some surprised looks but no one mentions it past that, really.

But it does come up in one of your regular meetings with Diavolo, what had started out as short meetings to discuss how things were progressing during your stay had suddenly turned into hours of visiting over tea and Barbatos cooking.

He asks you what you meant when you’d said that. It wasn’t the first ‘personal’ question he asked you, and you didn’t see a reason not to explain. So you tell him all about your run ins with the wannabe preachers and ‘concerned’ Sunday school moms and the like and how you managed to offend them.

He looks curious and you tell him to feel free to ask you if he has a question. He has a few, mostly about if there’s anything making you uncomfortable he might not be aware of, or if there’s anything you need that you can’t get in the Devildom.

He’s genuinely concerned about not having thought about things like this when it comes to the exchange students, and asks if you’d help him make sure the program was improved and friendly towards all.

It warms your heart to see him so passionate and ready to learn in order to make others comfortable, so you agree without hesitation

Your visits with Diavolo grow in number after that though some of them remain just friendly visits, some are focused on the exchange program and some of them are far more intimate.

If you tell him you’re having a rough time with feeling dysphoric, he’ll Invite you over to visit and make sure you’re alright- and if you don’t feel like going out? He’ll come to you, a box of sweets from Barbatos and determined to find out if there’s anything he can do to help.

He’s all about reassurance, “You’re perfect, and I don’t lie, remember?”

Someone misgenders you intentionally or is just being transphobic in general? He’s quick to shut that down. He makes it known that he won’t tolerate any sort of hate speech or such behavior, and especially not towards you. No one is going to test Lord Diavolo on that, either.

#swd obey me #obey me #Trans masc MC #trans mc #om lucifer #om mammon #om leviathan #om satan #om asmodeus #om beelzebub #om belphegor #om solomon #om diavolo #Tw mention of transphobia #Obey me trans masc MC #obey me hc #headcanon #kinda self indulgent im just starving for content i can relate to

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the-ghost-king · 3 years

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you have any nico headcanons where he’s ftm trans but then realizes he’s also nonbinary (he/they/she)? just struggling with gender identity lately ig.

Alright, anon, I hope these help you some, my gender has been rather ~~~ lately, if that makes any sense... I would also like to remind everyone to bind safely and if you need resources on how to safely bind without a binder feel free to reach out to me:

Nico always just knew he was a boy, dresses were a no-go, couldn't stand to wear anything that wasn't undeniably boys clothes

In the beginning Maria thought maybe it was just a texture problem, but when Nico was three she came home to see him cutting all of his hair off she knew it was deeper

This is why they ended up moving to America eventually, Maria decided that if they started over then Nico would be able to be himself

Bianca named him on the way over, she liked the name because they were "winning" by leaving Italy

Nothing really signifigant happens in regards to Nico and his gender through this point, he is able to play freely with other boys, and he goes to school with them and such

The same in the Lotus Hotel, nothing signifigant

When he and Bianca go to Westover Nico is kind of scared the whole time, because he is worried about being "caught", changing for afterschool soccer games and having communal shower spaces at the school is difficult for him to feel comfortable

He usually tries to shower late at night or early in the morning when nobody is around, and that works out okay for him

His chest starts developing around this point and he freaks out, he has no clue how to hide it or how to deal with the new stress

He ends up trying to find Bianca one day, and they do all sorts of crazy stuff to see if they can help, eventually they figure out how to use a piece of cloth they sew together

When Nico ends up at camp alone without Bianca, there's the problem once again of communal showers and they're rarely ever empty

This is how he befriends the Stolls

At some point the pair of them notice Nico is weirdly panicky about the bathrooms so they go stand outside and keep people out when Nico's in there... It's honestly how they perfect their pranking techniques

When Nico runs away from camp upset, just the day before his binder had quit fitting and he had been upset by that because he had to make a binder again

Although his sister dying pushed all other thoughts out of his head, the emotions from previous events were still leftover

This is why he buys his jacket TM, because the layers help hide his chest more and the weight is comfortable

At some point during the Labrynth he ends up binding with ace bandages (AN: Don't do this)

He also starts his period at some time around this point and kind of freaks out "oh no" and it's not entirely that his period bothers him, but more so that he just doesn't know how he's supposed to hide it

He also realizes at some point around here that he likes Percy, which makes him feel odd and more freaked out

He's struggling because "boys are supposed to like girls" and also he's struggling because if most boys oon't have periods and he does... why doesn't his bother him?

Despite Nico himself being trans, he doesn't have the vocabulary to describe anything he's going through, and he doesn't know there's other trans people, or even queer people of any sort

So he sort of begins to question "am I really a boy?" but there's so much going on in the world and he's got so much to do, so he can't really devote much time to thinking about it

Everything continues about canonically until he's in the jar after Tartarus

During a fight with a monster or something he was knocked over, and combine this with the fact that Nico was binding with ace bandages, he definitly breaks a rib

Which makes breathing with little air a lot harder

Eventually he's saved and through ambrosia and nectar Nico manages to heal his ribs a little

He isn't able to bind that whole time though, so he does his best to keep away from The Seven

After Cupid outs him to Jason, Jason asks a few days later if he wants to talk about it, at first Nico is like "no go away I don't like you don't talk to me"

But eventually he opens up to Jason, because Jason was like "I'm sorry you had to do that I promise I won’t tell anyone and if you want to talk we can talk"

Anyhow eventually Nico kind of just breaks down and he's like "I don't know if I'm a boy or a girl? I think I used to be a girl, but now I am a boy and I don't really remember how it happened” or something similar

It takes Jason a moment but eventually he’s like “Oh you’re trans?”

And Nico;s like “heh? What’s that?

And so him and Jason talk, but Jason is only kind of well versed in this topic, so he only covers “basic” MtF and FtM transition because he doesn’t really know enough about other genders to feel comfortable explaining it

And Nico’s like “there’s people? Out there?? Like me??” and he’s just Happy Nico ™

Nico is like “and there are people like me who like boys?”

And Jason is like “Yeah totally!” but internally he’s like (I think so??)

Anyhow Nico feels a little better, but he doesn’t feel perfect, he’s still struggling a little bit internally to recognize that there’s other people like him and he’s not wrong for being him

Anyhow, Jason doesn’t know enough about this stuff to know binders exist, Jason just has a little bit of secondhand information from tv shows and from being from California… He promises he’ll look into various things more when he’s back at camp or has decent access to internet

On Nico’s quest with Reyna and Hedge he obvious evaporates Bryce, and Reyna and Hedge find out

They find out he’s gay as in canon, but they realize he’s trans when caking him in mud

Hedge just goes into dad mode about the situation and is like “son”, “sport”, “kiddo”, “my male child” etc

Reyna knows a little more about trans stuff than Jason, but she’s kind of in the same “ehhh I’m not really sure of a few things” boat, but she’s supportive and she’s like “I will beat anyone who gives you a dirty look up so fast”

Eventually they get to camp, and all that happens

Three days in the infirmary happens, and basically Nico has to tell Will for medical reasons that he’s trans because Nico needs stitches or something

Anyhow Will is like “Oh yeah cool me too, can you take your binder off now?”

And Nico is like “heh???”

Anyhow Will finds out Nico is binding with ace bandages and he’s like “no, don’t do that” and then he goes and finds a proper binder in Nico’s size which he gives to him after his stay is up

When they befriend one another they have a short conversation about gender and Will is discussing like gender theory 101 type stuff, and he’s like “wait why dont you know this- oh yeah you’re from the thirties- wait do you even know what nonbinary means??”

And Nico is just staring at Will like he has three heads for the whole conversation

So Will teaches Nico about gender and pronouns, and gender presentation vs gender identity, etc

And so Nico goes “wait so there are people like me who are also gay?”

And Will is like “I like boys and girls and everything in between so yeah”

And the whole enby thing doesn’t really stick with Nico at that point he’s just like “hmm interesting, so testosterone?”

It’s just not his biggest concern, he’s just happy to know there are in fact others like him, and no he’s not crazy for not being dysphoric over his period, and that’s normal too

And he’s just like “oh so that’s top dysphoria?”

And Will is like “yeah :/”

“Oh :/”

“Mhmm :/”

Anyhow they become like good friends and they start dating sort of on accident, like they’re too close to just argue they’re friends anymore, and at some point Will just shows Nico how to give him a T shot and it’s like chill, they’re chill

Anyhow one day someone is kind of confused by Nico’s gender so they use the word “they” and it makes Nico really happy for some reason, so he goes back to Will and he’s like “tell me about this whole nobinary thing again?”

And Will is like “yes absolutely”

And Nico goes “I think I might be nonbinary can we try new pronouns?”

And so they go through all sorts of new pronouns, and Nico decides he still likes he/him but he also likes they/them and xer/xem… They likes she/her too but Nico finds it too uncomfortable sometimes because it reminds him of dysphoria

Nico decides xyr uncomfortable with using she/her but they like using female gendered terms so he does that

(Listen, I know Will saying “this is my boyfriend” was a big moment but Will calling Nico his “wife” is 10/10)

Nico’s friends are all super supportive and they do their best to learn more about gender and such things in order to better support and care for Nico

They all use different pronouns for xem and some people alternate pronouns too, but Nico knows that takes more practice

But it’s just like good and positive in Nico’s life

And he begins to play with fashion a lot and xe finds out xyr love of skirts with tights and combat boots because it’s 10/10 the best fashion

Nico also loves their big jackets and they just looks so comfy all the time everyone is like “I want to be him” and Nico grows their hair out long again, and gets his ears pierced and xe’s just a nonbinary fashion icon

They are just so cool once they figure out gender more and Nico’s just happy to play around with xyr gender and he just enjoys it

Will doesn’t play around with gender so much, he’s 100% a binary trans guy but T helped make him comfortable enough in his femininity to wear skirts a little bit on the occasion (Will in a cat maid dress 10/10), but heels and skinny jeans for some reason are still big dysphoria triggers for him so he does have some limits on what he’ll wear

Will gets top surgery when he’s like 17 because Naomi is an extremely supportive parent

So that’s how Nico meets Will’s mom and she’s like “it’s so nice to finally meet you!” and Naomi just immediately falls in love with xem and Will is like “I know they’re amazing”

And Nico is just really supportive and they sort of role reverse and Nico plays nurse while Will recovers from top surgery and they has to like brush his teeth and stuff

The experience (despite the fact that Will had an easier recovery) assures Nico in how much he wants top surgery, and he’s sad he’ll have to wait another year until he’s 18 to get it done

Anyhow Hades finds out and agrees to sign the wavers, so once Will is healed up enough to wear he can put his own clothes on and stuff, Nico decides to go through with xyrs own top surgery then too

Reyna comes to help Will take care of Nico, and Jason does too

Originally Will was supposed to help more with Nico’s care but he wasn’t able to do as much as he thought so they had to phone their friends

Eventually they both heal up really well and they’re happy to be done with that

Nico spends time debating testosterone, while Will spends time debating lower surgery

During this time Nico starts art school and Will starts medical school

Meeting more nonbinary people makes Nico feel at home and he determines that xe doesn’t want to go on testosterone but it’s still a maybe in the future

Will however decides he does want lower surgery, so Will and Lou Ellen decide to get lower surgery together as friends so they can share in the pain (Lou Ellen is a trans woman as far as I’m concerned this is canon)

Nico takes some time off to do school from home so he can help the two of them, and Naomi comes to live with them as well for a bit

Will and Nico both finish school eventually and they decide to adopt trans kids to help them out more

Anyhow, I hope you enjoy all of that anon! I'm all ideaed (idea-ed??) out and so I hope this is at least similar to what you were looking for, and this is helpful with your dysphoria somewhat <3

#anon #Asks #nico di angelo #pjo #hoo #will solace #solangelo #i tried to keep it mostly Nico centric

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littleoddwriter · 3 years

Note

transzsasz AND transroman

You're Just Like Me (Part 2) | Roman Sionis x Victor Zsasz

Since I got requested to do T4T ZsaszMask twice with this, I thought I could just make this story a continuation of the other one (although you don't have to have read that, nor is it an immediate follow-up to it). It ran away from me, like always, though. So it's a bit less about them being trans the further down we go, lol. Thanks so much for the request! I hope you enjoy it. <3

summary; Years after Roman's had Top Surgery, he's having a strangely emotional morning, in which he has a realisation that comes with a confession.

notes; Trans!Roman Sionis; Trans!Victor Zsasz; Talks of Top and Bottom Surgery; Medical Transition; Implied Gender Dysphoria and Euphoria; Kissing; Touching; Domestic; Fluff; kind of Hurt/Comfort-y; Roman is angry and emotional; Victor to the rescue and all.

It has been years since Roman has finally gotten Top Surgery, after Zsasz had assured him to take care of him and make sure nothing bad would happen to him under his watch. Surprisingly, it had all worked out just fine (although Roman did almost stab his surgeon shortly before he was put under).

Now, many years later, his scars weren’t even visible to the naked eye anymore – and his dark chest hair certainly helped. His pectorals looked just like any other man’s. He was happy with the result and felt pretty comfortable in his own skin for the first time in his life.

As he looked at his bare torso in the mirror, ready to get dressed for the day, he admired the sight. It was always so strange to him to think back to the time before his transition. That Roman Sionis felt like a completely different person, one who had never existed in the first place – and it wasn’t completely wrong either, was it? Technically, he’s always been the man he was today. It had just taken him many more steps than others to carry his true self out for the world to see.

“Roman?” Zsasz asked, suddenly appearing in the doorway and ripping Sionis out of his thoughts.

“What?” Roman hissed, looking at his partner through the mirror.

Victor walked over to him and came to a stop right behind him, only mere millimetres separating their bodies. He could feel the heat Zsasz gave off, smelled the cigarettes and cheap cologne that always covered his natural scent.

“Just wanted to check if you’re okay. Sat there all alone at the breakfast table, waiting for you to come,” he explained, looking back at Roman through the vanity mirror, as he laid his hands on his bare shoulders.

“I’m alright. I just got lost in my thoughts there.”

“About?”

“How great my chest looks,” Roman grinned, brushing his hand over his sternum.

Zsasz smirked right back, squeezed Roman’s shoulders and then he ran his fingers over his boss’s chest appreciatively. “Agreed. It looks fantastic,” he murmured and kissed Sionis’ neck, peppering little kisses all over it and down to his shoulders.

Roman shuddered, the kisses tickling him and the rough stubble of Victor’s beard scratching his skin. It wasn’t unpleasant though, far from it actually. He lifted his right hand and put it on the back of Victor’s head, pulling him closer. Then he turned his head and captured his partner’s lips in a passionate kiss that they both smiled into.

“I wouldn’t have ever done it without you,” Roman murmured against Victor’s lips, quietly admitting what he’s been thinking for so many years.

He could vaguely remember having said it after he got out of surgery, but it was so hazy to him, thanks to the anaesthetics; and he hasn’t admitted it since. Now felt like the right time to remind Victor just how important he’s been to Roman’s continued medical transition.

“You’re welcome. It was my pleasure, boss. Especially when you’re the one who made it possible for me to transition at all,” Zsasz replied, kissing Roman again and again, quick little pecks.

“And I’d do it again,” Sionis confessed – he wouldn’t ever say it out loud, but he would do anything for Victor; especially if it made him happy.

Admittedly, Roman was in a strangely sentimental mood that morning and he desperately wanted it to stop, before he suddenly said something he’d regret. “Enough of this. I’m hungry. Let me finish dressing and then we can finally eat breakfast, ‘kay?” he exclaimed to finalise this conversation and save face.

Sure, rationally, he knew that he never had to hide himself from Victor – it was impossible anyway –, but he still desired to feel some sense of control over their shared intimacy. Even after all these years, it was almost scary to him just how much of his guard he has let down around Zsasz and continued to do it. Sometimes, it would keep him up at night and tip his mood over into one of the many extremes he displayed – usually rage in this case. He hated how close he’s let Victor get to him. Was he ever going to change it, though? Of course not! Even though he often wished he could.

Zsasz just nodded, kissed Roman again and left the room.

All by himself again, Sionis sighed deeply and pulled a white cotton shirt over his head. It fit him perfectly, snugly hugging his arms and chest especially. Ten years ago, a shirt like this wouldn’t have been possible for him to wear, no matter what; yet here he was, finally at this point in his life where he could wear whatever he desired. It made him genuinely smile.

Quickly, he put on a midnight blue blazer, checked his hair again for a moment and left his dressing room, too.

During breakfast, Roman couldn’t stop thinking about all these questions he’s always had for Victor, but rarely asked them at all – not because he was scared, but because he knew how much he hated to be asked these things himself. Of course, with how perceptive Zsasz was, he noticed Roman’s lack of talking and his frown as what it was.

“You know you can ask me whatever, Roman,” Victor piped up eventually.

“I know,” Roman shot back, but hesitated anyway. “I’m just wondering if you’re feeling comfortable in your body by now. Or if you’d want to change more – Bottom Surgery is possible nowadays after all.”

“Nah, I’m fine with the way things are. Thanks to you, I’ve already gotten so much farther than I had expected when I first realised I was trans, y’know? And over time, I started to care even less about not having a dick. ‘Cause everything else is the way it should be and it really doesn’t matter. We make it work after all. I feel good,” Zsasz answered with a slight smile on his lips, which morphed into a fully fledged grin by the end of it.

Roman nodded in understanding and took a sip from his espresso.

“Do you want to get Bottom Surgery?” Victor then asked, before Sionis had a chance to say anything.

“No, absolutely not. One surgery was enough for me. I’m certainly not going through this fucking shit again, unless I absolutely have to.”

Chuckling, Victor nodded, “Yeah, I thought so. I’m still proud of you, by the way.”

Roman pulled a face, “Shut up. Nothing to be fucking proud of there,” he said as he thought back to how pathetic he’s been for weeks after his surgery – it was awful! –, but he obviously didn’t regret it. “Thank you anyway, baby,” he added quietly.

Zsasz beamed at him in response. Roman hated how it made his heart flutter and how he suddenly felt so warm inside. It never ceased to happen whenever Victor did something particularly endearing or alluring. Sometimes, Sionis wondered if this really was what people titled as “being in love”, because if it was he really didn’t know if he didn’t rather despise people, including Victor.

Sighing heavily, Roman set down his espresso cup harshly, a loud clank sounding when it hit the saucer. “I fucking hate this,” he muttered without really wanting to.

“Hate what?” Victor asked, frowning.

“This,” Roman replied, wildly waving his hands around between the two of them, “Us. Our relationship. This mutual experience we’ve made with being transgender men. The way I feel every time you do something – anything. Just everything!” he exclaimed, his voice getting louder and more broken with every word.

Zsasz was up in the blink of an eye, his hands on Roman’s shoulders, just like before, but firmer, as his fingers dug into his muscles and massaged them. It frustrated him. Why couldn’t he just keep his mouth shut for once? He had never wanted Victor to know these things!

“I think we make a great pair, Roman. Not only do we share this experience, but we’ve supported each other throughout. It’s a good thing. And the way you feel about me? I’m glad you do. ‘Cause I feel the same and it’s nothing bad. It doesn’t make us weak or whatever. We’re just as menacing as we’ve ever been. It’s not wrong to like someone, baby. Especially not when we’re so good together,” Zsasz told Roman sternly, yet gently, reassuring him like he always did.

“I guess you’re right. It just doesn’t really feel like it’s a good thing to me. How does it not eat you alive?”

“What? That some fucks might think they’re entitled to have an opinion on us?” Sionis shrugged. “I don’t care. It doesn’t matter what others think about you and me, or just me. They’re not worth shit. And honestly, if I can just remind you of something here… Your parents fucking sucked. They never loved each other or you, so you have a wrong image of what that looks like and what it can be. My parents were the exact opposite. And when I met you and felt this instant connection to you, I knew I’d be in it for life with you. No matter what. You’re almost as important to me as my life’s purpose. Although, to be honest, you are part of my purpose, so you might as well be on the same level as that.”

Roman was stunned. He’s never truly been speechless in his life, but of course Victor fucking Zsasz was able to make him that as well.

“I don’t know what to say,” Roman choked out.

Had anyone told him that this was how his morning would have gone, he would have yelled at them and stabbed them in the neck.

“You don’t have to say anything at all, Roman,” Victor replied, kissing the top of Sionis’ head.

“’Kay,” he whispered.

Then Roman tilted his head back and Victor leaned over and kissed him on the lips. It was all so fucking domestic, sickeningly so; and this warm feeling inside was back again, only that it bothered him a little less, now. Putting his hands on Victor’s he pulled them down, so that Zsasz was basically hugging him from behind as they kissed some more.

Begrudgingly, Roman had to admit that Victor was right. They made a really good team, always have, and it all just felt so right, so much so that it left his mind reeling. In all honesty, Sionis was probably the luckiest man on earth to have found Zsasz and to be in such a fulfilling relationship with someone who fully understood him.

“I adore you, Victor,” he confessed eventually, squeezing and rubbing Zsasz’s forearms almost nervously.

He could hear the sharp intake of breath above him, “I love you, too,” he responded, an audible smile in his voice.

Alright, maybe he could actually get used to this eventually. Zsasz always made anything possible for him after all. He was definitely lucky; there was no doubt about that.

#roman sionis #roman sionis fanfiction #victor zsasz #victor zsasz fanfiction #zsaszmask #zsaszmask fanfic #mlm ship #mlm fiction #mlm fanfic #trans mlm #trans character #trans male character #trans headcanon

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transgenderteensurvivalguide · 4 years

Note

I saw on the gc2b website that you can exercise in your binder. I do track & cross country, but I had hurt my ribs after using a binder that was a size too small. Would I hurt my ribs more if I run (with injured ribs) & use the right size?

Lee says:

We’ve been a trans advice blog blog for 8 years now, so we have been answering questions for 4 more years than gc2b ever existed.

Over the past 8 years I’d estimate we’ve gotten at least a hundred asks by people who got injured while binding and exercising.

There’s only one study on binding that I know of, and they didn’t say anything about the safety of exercising in a binder. So in the absence of data that supports the safety of binding while exercising, we have to rely on the community to figure out what seems to be safe and what isn’t.

“Current recommendations shared by transmasculine and LGBTQ community organisations for healthy binding include: wearing a correctly sized binder, avoiding the use of elastic bandages, duct tape, or plastic wrap, removing binders when sleeping, and limiting binding to 8-12 hours/day (QMunity 2013; Stanford University 2014). These recommendations are largely based on personal experience with binding rather than clinical or population-based studies.”

We tend to answer things that there aren’t much/any research about on a “better safe than sorry” basis. Maybe we’re a bit conservative in our advice, but for good reason. Maybe for every person who gets injured, there are 30 who come through unscathed. But that’s still one trans person who has been given dangerous advice.

Gc2b says you can exercise in a binder if you wear a binder a size larger than your normal size to exercise in and “Know your limits and take it easy. Go slowly with exercise intensity and take baby steps if you’re worried; everybody is different. It is important to take the binder off/cease the activity if you notice any sort of pain or discomfort.” There’s no supporting sources on their site saying why they think potentially intense exercising in a binder is safe though- just that statement.

I think it’s possible that if someone is doing mild exercise in a binder that they’ve ordered specifically in a size too large to exercise in, they may not get injured. But I also think that many people will either do vigorous exercise and push themselves too hard, like you probably will if you’re wearing a binder in a cross country race, or people wear their normally sized binder which isn’t safe either. Moderation and caution in doing risky things is great, but you need to know that they’re risky in order for you to have enough knowledge to be cautious about it.

So maybe there isn’t any data that says binding while exercising is dangerous. But we can tell you from the years of running this blog and from our personal experiences as trans people who bind, people do get hurt while binding and exercising. It isn’t a made-up phenomena, and the asks we’ve gotten prove that to us.

And maybe we’re a bit conservative and black/white in our advice, but it’s for good reason. Maybe for every person who gets injured, there are 10 who come through unscathed- but that 1 person who gets hurt may have a hard time accessing a trans-competent doctor, especially if they’re a closeted teen, and they may have to stop binding for a good amount of time while their ribs heal and it can be emotionally devastating if they’re stealth or have a lot of dysphoria and use binding to cope. So you also have to consider our audience when you see our posts that urge caution.

I can’t speak for gc2b here, and I honestly believe that gc2b is a good company that tries to make safe binders and help inform people on how to use their products safely. I actually wore gc2b binders myself before I got top surgery and I recommend them on this blog in our Binding FAQ and when asked by followers. I also know we’ve been around twice as long as them, and we have no conflicting financial interests here. We are all volunteers who make no money from this blog whatsoever- we aren’t trying to sell you binders or any other product.

Maybe the people at gc2b have been lucky and haven’t gotten injured while binding and exercising. That’s great- I would never wish a binding injury on any trans person. But I’m not convinced the binding while exercising is actually safe, and I wouldn’t knowingly recommend anything potentially dangerous to our followers, who are mostly teens and preteens.

If gc2b has some secret data they aren’t sharing on their site that indicates binding and exercising is safe, then I’ll happy update our information. But until there is unbiased scientific info supporting their claim, I think it’s best to be safe rather than sorry and avoid binding while exercising so you don’t become one of the “I’ve injured myself binding” anons we get so frequently in our inbox.

We don’t want to be responsible for you getting injured! If something seems unsafe, we’re going to tell you that. If you then decide “I want to do it anyway,” then that’s your decision- we can’t force you to bind safely. We can only tell you what information we know, based off of our personal experiences, and let you make your own choices.

TLDR; We can’t tell you that it’s safe to exercise in a binder because there isn’t enough data on it, so we’d recommend that you don’t do it because a lot of people have sent asks they they were injured after doing so.

Back to your question: Would you hurt your ribs more if you run in a binder with injured ribs? Yes, there’s a good chance that you would re-injure your ribs by binding again while you run, possibly enough to aggravate the healing so it takes longer for them to heal or worse. You don’t want to get a season-ender rib injury, so it’s better for you to wait until your ribs have healed from the first binding injury, then just run with a compression sports bra.

In high school I also ran track and cross country on the women’s team, wearing a sports bra. It wasn’t the best for me emotionally, so eventually I quit the team and just ran for fun with a friend. Then I finished high school and turned 18, and I started T and got top surgery. Now I’m in my second year of running NCAA DIII cross country on the men’s team at my college. You’ll have many more running years ahead of you as well- if you take care of your body!

#Lee says #exercising #binding #gc2b #binders #gc2b binder #exercising in a binder #Anonymous #transgenderteensurvivalguide #trans #transgender #TTSG #nonbinary #lgbtq #lgbt #transgender teen survival guide

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gay-defined · 5 years

Text

FtM Passing Tips Master List

Notes:

-All prices are in USD. There are free online calculators to change USD to Euros, Canadian Dollars, etc.

- These are from personal experience, YouTubers like Kalvin Garrah and Chase Ross, and research.

GC2B is a great place to get binders. For my gf and I, it’s one of the only places we trust.

Price: ~$30

Classic Packy aka Mr.Limpy from FtM Essentials. Cheapest packer money can buy.

Price: $12

These are more expensive than a classic packer, but I personally really want one: an STP (Stand To Pee). An STP is a packer that you can pee out of while standing. You can use public urinals and others would be none the wiser.

Price: ~$80

For Packing: You can buy packing underwear from many different sites. Fair warning: Packing underwear with rings can break some packers. Be cautious. If you can’t buy packing underwear briefs are tight enough to hold your packer in place

Price: Vary.

Boxers: American Eagle and Calvin Klein are good brands. I honestly LOVE TomboyX. They’re gender neutral underwear in many lengths and patterns. They’re super soft and pretty affordable.

Price: Vary

Equate Hair Re-Growth Treatment for Men. Apply to the areas you want hair on according to the directions, like your face, legs, arms, chest, and stomach. I’m planning on getting this for myself tbh.

Price: $25 on Amazon as of 12-4-18

Around Christmas time is the perfect time to buy cologne, men's deodorant, body wash, etc. Wal-Mart sells gift sets with one or all three of these for relatively cheap.

Price: $10-$30

Haircuts are an obvious one. What works for most people is short on the sides (you could do a 3-2-1-0 fade) and long on top. When getting it cut ask them to square off the sides as that is typically a more masculine thing.

If you can’t cut your hair beanies and snapbacks can be great for hiding your hair in. But be cautious, sometimes, it can bring out the feminine shape of your face.

Voice: Don’t force it! It will not sound natural and be a dead give away. Those posts saying to tilt your head only work for about 1 minute. Try stretching your neck, it can help. Also, try consciously lowering your voice little by little, eventually it will come naturally. Also, don’t talk super fast or be flamboyant. Try being more monotone.

Clothes: If you can’t bind, baggy clothes can help hide your figure. Hoodies too. Dark shirts are better than light shirts. Bigger pants. Skinny jeans will not help, especially if you pack (it might look like you have a boner 24/7) Baseball shirts can help your shoulders look broader. Patterned shirts can also help hide your chest.

-Finding Your Mens Pant Size: Pant sizes in men’s go by inches. It’s the inches around your waist and the length of your legs. For example, my pant size is 28”- 29”.

Binding: If you can’t get a binder, layering sports bras will help. You can layer NO MORE THAN 2!! As everyone says, do not use ace bandages! There is a company that makes binding bandages that are safe for trans people. I don’t know much else about them though.

-Binder Rules: Don’t sleep in a binder. Don’t wear for longer than 8 hours. Stretch often. Make sure you can take a deep breath. If you want to exercise or swim in a binder, you can (contrary to popular belief), just make sure that binder is one size bigger than your normal size. If you can’t fit it over your head and shoulders easily, it’s too small. Don’t force it on.

Posture and Walking: For your posture, slouching is good. Widen your stride and walk slower. Be more assertive with your actions. Women’s elbows are more flexible than men’s so women tend to swing their arms around more, don’t do that. When holding things, keep your arms to your side. Also, men have a certain bounce to their step and tend to not sway their hips. Just observe guys as they walk and try to imitate it.

Sitting: Man spread. Don’t cross your legs and don’t let your knees touch.

Shark Week: On your “shark week” don’t wear boxers (unless you use tampons). They do not work with pads. Wear briefs instead. Another option is to wear briefs or womens underwear with a pad on under boxers.

If you can’t afford a packer there are a few amazing DIY’s on Youtube by Chase Ross and HeyIt’sGrayson.

One tip to relieve dysphoria is to take off your shirt from behind and over your head. Like all those hot guys in movies.

T and Surgery Costs

Testosterone: $12-$26 per dose. Price Per Month: >$24-$120< depending on how often you get the shot. If you’re diagnosed with gender dysphoria by a medical care provider, insurance should cover the cost.

-Testosterone should be given every 2-4 weeks. Could be more or less.

Top Surgery: The price can range from $3,500 - $9,000 USD. May or may not include consultation fees. A down payment is normally required to secure a surgery date. This down payment can range from $500- $2,000 USD

Bottom Surgery: FtM Bottom Surgery can be more than $50,000 USD

-There are two different types of bottom surgery: Phalloplasty and Metoidioplasty.

Phalloplasty uses a skin graft to create a penis (usually from your arm). It’s done when your clit growth isn’t big enough to work with.

“Phalloplasty surgery can provide a sensate penis, with erotic and/or tactile sensation, as well as rigidity for sexual intercourse (usually with a penile implant) and the ability to stand to urinate.”

Metoidioplasty works off your clit growth if it’s big enough. From what I know, it is just used to make your clitoris growth bigger.

“Metoidioplasty it to increase the size of the clitoris.”

If you’re diagnosed, insurance will pay for most or all of the cost of bottom and top surgery and testosterone.

Foods that Increase Testosterone:

Oyster

Spinach

Eggs

Tuna

Almonds

Pomegranate

Asparagus

Honey

Bananas

Pumpkin Seeds

Cabbage

Avacado

Egg Yolk

Watermelon

Cruciferous Vegetables (Cauliflower, Cabbage, Brussel Sprouts, Garden Cress, Bok Choy, Broccoli, etc.)

Brazil Nut

Grapes

Citrus Fruits (Orange, Lemon, etc.)

Meat

Salmon

Ginger

Beans

Raisins

Garlic

Oatmeal

Ginseng

Olive Oil

If you know anything else, feel free to add on!

CONTACT INFO Instagram @little.boi.bluee or @pride.never.dies Tumblr This account Google Hangouts [email protected]

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noahrambles-blog · 4 years

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Introduction - Who the fuck am I?

Hello void!

I made this blog so I could shout my questions into the void. My gender has been a big question for such a long time, but I’ve only started really wondering and analyzing recently. I feel like every step forward I make, I slowly inch backwards to where I was. Every epiphany, realization, moment of “thank you god I finally understand” eventually regresses back to confusion and frustration.

I’ve decided to start writing these realizations down. I find it’s easier to write to an audience, and frankly I hate writing in MS word. So, here I am, shouting into the void that is Tumblr. I’m not looking for advice from others, reassurance, nothing. I need to sit in my feelings and dig deep. I can’t get external validation or thoughts or questions or concerns. I’m just way too sensitive to others telling me what to do. Others’ expectations have forced me into the dark closet for too long and well, I’m done.

I’m in therapy currently to break down my past, which includes my parents’ expectations and the very traditional gender roles I grew up immersed in. Every time I think I’m getting somewhere in understanding my gender, I explain it away as “Oh, I’m just being sexist and stuck in those gender roles and stereotypes”. I was a tomboy as a kid? Doesn’t mean anything, girls can be masculine. Etc., etc.

Add on to all the fun confusion, that my partner came out as trans about a year ago. I love my wife dearly and I know she loves me too, no matter what (she’s well aware of everything I’m writing), but I worry that I’m only having these feelings because she’s having these feelings. When I met her, she told me how much she loved a particular video game, and I played it and loved it too, and we bonded over it. Same thing happened with multiple TV shows, hell, even backpacks vs laptop bags. Would I have loved these things without her influence? Granted, there are things that she loves that I don’t. She loves sardines on toast. Gross, right? Other games that I’ve tried and wasn’t a big fan of, instruments, drinks. We’re different people, but we basically grew up together, so of course we have similar interests and we both try each others’ interests. And since we’re so similar, there will be lots of overlap. And that’s okay! (I think. I hope.)

I think that this has really come up more in the past few years because my wife’s sibling came out as non-binary, which frankly, I knew what it was but not much more than that. Their experiences really mirrored my own, but because they used a lot of the same gender role language in their explanation, I wrote it off as them just being a bit sexist. But I fully supported them regardless.

Add on the fact that I moved out of my toxic parents’ house into an apartment with my wife. Meaning day-to-day I can just be...myself, rather than bending to fit this expectation they enforced on me. But I’d been under their thumb for so long, that I don’t really know who I am?

I was depressed for a really long time. I moved to Canada at 14, and the long winters only exacerbated it. I only feel like I’ve just come out of the fog. A few weeks ago, I went to my therapist to talk all this gender stuff out. I woke up the next morning feeling like garbage, but the two days after that? I haven’t felt that good in a long time. And I got married 10 months ago. I woke up with energy and motivation and desire. I wanted to go shopping and get new clothes, go to the movies, go out and have some beer. I just wanted to be out on the town and in public. I’ve been spending all my time in my apartment for years, so it was pretty weird.

My wife’s sibling got top surgery earlier this year and gave me their binders (since they didn’t need them anymore!) The first time I tried one on, I had a half second of “fuck yeah” followed by hours of utter dread and despair. I’m not 100% sure what caused it, but I think it was from the realization that it didn’t make me completely flat. I didn’t wear it again for a few weeks, but one day I tried it again on a whim, and I haven’t really gone a day without wearing one since. I don’t love the 8 hour time limit (and I work 8.5-9 hours per day, so it’s often a lot longer, which I know is bad) and I don’t love the, well, binding feeling. But it’s nice to be warm all the time!

My other big indicator was when my wife bought me a strap on. We’d discussed me topping a few times in the past and once she came out, she was really interested. So we ordered a strapless dildo. But I couldn’t for the life of me figure it out. If it was in me, it wasn’t in her, and vice versa. We probably did this for 15, 20 minutes, and I was just getting more and more frustrated and upset. I kept trying, even though I was not really in the mood anymore. And then! It was in both of us! And I could move it! And it was so exciting! And then I was hit (again) by a wave of dread and despair. I couldn’t feel anything. I knew my wife was loving it, but I felt like dying. I couldn’t feel anything! I pulled out and laid down and cried. I’m sure my wife was so flustered, it did sort of come out of nowhere from her perspective.

We haven’t used that dildo again, but I convinced myself afterward that my breakdown was due to my frustration - I’m really bad at being bad at things. I need to be really good at things, otherwise I get frustrated and quit.

Because of this, we decided to buy a harness and try that instead. We went on vacation and we tried it out. Hoo boy, it was amazing! Looking down and seeing it gave me so much joy! (We had some awesome sex that night. Even me not being able to feel anything didn’t kill the vibe).

We’ve had sex a few times since then, but each time I get a little more dysphoric. We haven’t done anything recently, because I was hoping to analyze what’s going on without the dysphoria during sex, and overall pressure to perform. Since my wife came out, she’s much harder to read. It’s hard to tell what she’s into and what she’s not, because her tastes changed too. I know this means that we should do it more, but I’ve been getting overwhelmed trying to pleasure her, when my new dysphoria has also changed my own tastes and what I like and don’t like. I don’t really ‘finish’ much anymore, partially because my wife isn’t taking initiative and I have a really hard time asking for what I want or need. And I know sex isn’t about that, but all of these factors make it difficult to want it.

So in the meantime, life has been difficult and confusing. But also I’ve been happier than I have been in a while? The mornings aren’t as difficult, sleep comes more easily, I have more confidence day-to-day. And this is all just from considering these issues.

I bought all these gender-affirming clothes (I USED THE TERM GENDER-AFFIRMING CLOTHES BUT I DON’T KNOW WHAT MY GENDER IS WHAT THE FUCK) that are honestly amazing, even though they’re super simple men’s clothes. Boxer briefs are literally my new favorite things.

I think I’m definitely on the masculine end of the spectrum. Going back to wearing panties (and I always wore granny panties) and bras makes me feel gross, not to mention women’s lingerie. Dresses and skirts are a huge no. Heels are a hell no. Wearing my binder makes me feel like a person. So am I non-binary or a transgender man?

What I do know is this:

- I’ve never wanted to be a mom, but I really like the idea of being a dad. I don’t know what the difference is, but apparently there is one.

- I’ve always disliked my voice - anytime I hear it played back, it makes me feel physically ill. I wish it was deeper. I need to work on stopping artificially raising it (it is relatively low for someone who is AFAB and when I felt that I needed to be feminine and lovely and whatever, I learned to raise it and now it’s kinda stuck in “customer service mode”)

- I like the idea of getting smaller hips through fat redistribution. This dysphoria is actually new today. I haven’t had any issues with this but today I saw myself in the mirror and looked back at past pictures and my hips look massive.

- Surprisingly, the idea of bottom growth on t doesn’t weird me out?

- I’m terrified of hair loss.

- I really want to fully embrace the academic professor aesthetic. I love the collared shirt under sweater look. I just need some elbow patches and a tweed blazer. I already have the oxfords.

- I’m terrified at the thought of coming out to anyone except my wife. Part of my family would be chill, the other would not. My work is made up of quite conservative people and even the “allies” are misguided. My immediate coworkers would probably be okay with a transition to a binary gender, but I feel like asking for they/them pronouns would result in being misgendered constantly. But I guess I’m being misgendered constantly anyway.

- I’m feeling less and less connection to my pronouns/feminine descriptors. It just doesn’t feel like me.

- I want to get stronger so I can pick up and toss around my wife cause I feel like she’d love that. And I think it would be kinda fun too. I already love pushing her onto the bed. Picking her up and tossing her onto the bed? Hot.

Anyway. This was a lot and was basically just me pouring my thoughts onto this page. There will definitely be more to come.

Goodnight!

Noah

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warlockwriter · 5 years

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Rainbows Out of Storm Clouds

Yay! My first entry into the Gabriel Bingo 2019. Fills the Grace Kink square.

Rating: Explicit

Characters: Gabriel, Trans!Male Reader

Word Count: 1224

Tags: Body dysphoria (mild), Creative!Gabriel

Summary: It's the moment of truth and time to go all the way with Gabriel. But will you be able to get past your hangups about your body? Good thing Gabriel is creative.

AO3 Link

It was finally the right time. You and Gabriel had been on a couple of dates, and had compared notes about crazy families, trauma and favorite television shows--he liked most CW shows, and you were more into other things. Yes, some of those were odd things to discuss on a date, but it had worked for the two of you.

By mutual agreement, sex hadn’t happened yet, although, it had been close when you discovered that he was a fantastic kisser. You supposed it made sense, considering how long he had lived. You’d been intimidated because how could your experience possibly live up to that? However, he had assured you he was most satisfied with your skill, and he’d made sure the hardness pressed against your leg proved he wasn’t just being a gentleman.

Of course, that led to a whole other round of insecurity because you didn’t have the same equipment. As many times as he assured you it didn’t matter, you couldn’t help but wonder if he was just being nice.

But you’d both decided tonight was the night. The date had been a simple one, dinner and a movie. Of course, being Gabriel, he wasn’t satisfied with the local multiplex. No, he’d flown you to some town you’d never heard of for the world premiere of some indie film you’d never heard of.

As soon as the movie started and you saw one of the leads, you knew why he’d picked it. “Is that you?”

“Nope,” he whispered back. “I’ve got several look alikes running around. This one is an actor, and he was busy while Asmodeus was...entertaining me. I finally caught up last month, and now I can focus on his new stuff.”

The movie was entertaining, and you’d been amused to see it dealt with demons, for the lack of a better term. Wow, did they get almost everything wrong!

Afterwards, he took you to an amazing hotel with every possible luxury, including the softest sheets you’d ever felt.

Things started out well enough, with kissing and both of you touching each other through clothes. However, Gabriel started to slide his hand up your shirt, and you froze.

“What is it?” he asked.

While he knew you were trans and didn’t have male equipment, you’d dodged his attempts to learn more about your transition. Now there was no more room to dodge.

“Umm. I’ve never had surgery or taken hormones. I’m pretty lucky to be small on top, and a hunting lifestyle has built muscle. But yeah, I’ve got boobs, and right now I’m feeling shy about them. ”

He smiled said, “I don’t care what your chest looks like. I do want to touch, but I’m cool with you telling me shirt on or off.”

“On for now,” you answered without hesitation. You’ve let guys take your shirt off before, but none of them had been Gabriel, whom you were pretty sure you were falling in love with.

Gonna have to show him someday then, your traitorous, logical inner voice pointed out.

You resolved to argue that point with yourself later.

Gabriel didn’t hesitate, sliding his hand up your shirt and caressing you with gentle skill. It felt fantastic, and you were able to relax into it.

He had no such reservations and managed to unbutton and remove his shirt without breaking the kiss. Then he deliberately moved your hand to his chest, and you explored him, consciously imitating some of the things he was doing to you.

Who knew archangels had such filthy mouths? At least you knew exactly what he liked.

Eventually, he pulled his hand out from under your shirt and started unbuttoning your jeans.

“You’re not going to try to do this with your pants on, are you?”

Obviously that wasn’t going to work, but if you’d thought you’d been self-conscious earlier, it was nothing compared to what you felt as he slid your zipper down.

He must have sensed your mood because he stopped.

Great. You’d ruined everything.

He must have read your expression because he smiled and said, “Really not going to work, you know.”

“I know.” And this was the moment he was going to make his polite excuses. Maybe he’d leave you the key to the room so you could at least cry into a high thread count pillowcase.

A gentle finger traced the line of your jaw. “Oh, no. We’re not done here. I have an idea.”

“You do?” You weren’t sure you dared get your hopes up.

“You’ve said you don’t want me to...alter your body, right?”

It was an effort, but no, you really didn’t want that.

“However, what about sensation?” he asked.

“Huh?” Not the most eloquent of responses, but it was all you could come up with.”

“Let me demonstrate,” he said.

He moved farther up the bed and motioned you to sit with your back against the headboard. You followed, having no idea what he was proposing, but he wasn’t leaving, so right now you were thinking it was all good.

“Spread your legs a little,” he said.

You did so, and he wiggled around to remove his jeans. You were amused to note that he wasn’t wearing any underwear. Then he sat between your legs, his back to you. You were at just the right angle to peer over his shoulder to see his erect cock. Oh. He was not small.

You had no idea what he was planning, but it wasn’t a bad sight. However, he didn’t let you look long. “Jack me off?” he asked.

“Uh, sure.” You’d done that before, although not at this particular angle. It was a good thing he wasn’t as big as the Winchesters. You weren’t tall, and your arms never would have reached around one of them. Gabriel, though, was just about the right size for this.

Wishing for a moment that it was your cock you were stroking, you took him in hand and began.

Your hands nearly stuttered to a halt when you felt the same sensation in your non-existent cock.

“How?” was all you could say.

“I can use my grace in all sorts of creative ways. Now, don’t stop. That was good.”

You managed to get your wits back just enough to continue. Everything you did to him was somehow transmitted to you, and it was amazing. You’d always wondered what it felt like to jack off, and it was the most incredible thing ever.

Gabriel gave vocal encouragement and occasionally placed his hands over yours, showing you exactly what he liked. He had incredible control, and you completely lost track of how long you spent working him, until you realized your hands were cramping a bit.

“Not much longer now,” Gabriel said, each word coming out with a gasp.

Encouraged, you stroked him a little more firmly, and oh my god that’s what coming felt like when you had a cock!

Another advantage to doing this with an angel. Cleaning up the mess as soon as he was finished, he turned to face you.

“So, enjoy that?”

“There are no words,” you answer honestly, still stunned by the biggest gift anyone had ever given you.

He kissed you before winking. “Excellent. Because next up is feeling what it’s like to be inside someone.”

Oh, you could hardly wait.

#gabriel spn #Gabriel/Trans!male reader #gabriei bingo 2019 #gabriel bingo #grace kink

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rontufox · 5 years

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trans ask game taken from here!

How did you choose your name?

I wasn’t gonna change it initially. I like my given name. but I don’t like attention or talking irl, especially about myself. so I figured I’d have a simpler time if I changed it to something more people considered masculine

my new name had to start with B so my initials could remain BLT. I also wanted a “white” name cuz although I’m biracial, my given name was white, and it just feels weird to have a name of totally different feeling, in that regard

the only B names I liked were already associated with people I knew, which I didn’t want. so I kinda stopped. I wasn’t motivated to find a name LOLOL. one night, my cousin asked what I’m changing my name to. when I was like “idk man I can’t find any I like” he pulled up a huge list of B names on the internet and just started reading them off the whole night lolol. a few resonated with me, but Brian really felt right.

I like how it sounds out loud, the feeling it gives. I like its meaning (strong, virtuous, and honorable or hill/noble). it’s Irish, which I am, so that was perfect. and, amazingly, the strokes involved in writing it are actually really similar the ones I use for my given name

in the end I’m even more glad I changed my name, for feeling so much more of a self-made person. it was kind of a new start, where I could decide anything. I chose my own name. I could choose anything else in life I wanted.

What gives you the most dysphoria? (Acknowledging that not all trans people experience dysphoria)

my dysphoria stopped after I got top surgery and transitioned socially ✌🏼

What was the first time you suspected you were transgender?

in college. that’s when I fully learned the term. I always knew what I was since I was 5 or 6. but college is when I learned there’s a term and community for what I was.

What is your favorite part of being transgender?

just, being able to be myself, freely.

How would you explain your gender identity to others?

trans guy

How did you come out? If you didn’t come out, why do you stay in the closet?

I thought I’d stay closeted irl forever honestly. it always seemed something I’d never be capable of. coming out as trans was something incredibly strong people did. people who were wiling to change their entire life. well... I eventually became that person.

I first came out to my online friend Bsumo. that was easy cuz they’re amazing, and we talked about gender so much anyway. then I came out online, only on tumblr (I’ve been stealth online all my life). after that, I personally told a few people irl I really trust. next in line was my parents. I had no idea how that would go. but I was prepared to be rejected. it went okay

then I had to come out at work. I wanted to do that before making an announcement to my extended family via facebook to avoid anyone at work seeing it. and that, was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I’m very fortunate to work in a progressive organization, so I knew I’d be okay. but it was hard. I first told the CEO and our HR person. it’s really, really hard to let the words out. but I did it. and the second I did, it was like... a floodgate. like, there was absolutely no turning back at that moment and I loved it. I told the rest of my coworkers in a meeting a few weeks later. I gave them my new name and the pronouns they should use for me. the older generation staff members had trouble getting the hang of it, but I didn’t meet any intentional resistance

I will say, you receive allyship and rejection in very unexpected places when you come out. people you thought would support you that don’t. people you thought would avoid you, reach out and advocate for you. it was all quite an interesting experience.

What have your experiences with packing or wearing breast forms been?

none

What are your experiences with binding or tucking?

tried binding a few times before I had surgery. I couldn’t stand to wear it more than 3 minutes. it triggered a fight or flight response in my body for some reason. like the panic you feel when your finger or limb gets stuck in something and your life flashes before your eyes as your mind overreacts thinking you’ll never escape. I even cut a binder off with scissors once cuz I felt like I needed to get it off NOW.

Do you pass?

yeah, unless it’s over the phone lol!

What (if any) steps do you want to take to medically transition?

top surgery and T. I woulda still been miserable to this day if I hadn’t gotten top surgery. but I kinda took T on a whim. see if I’d like it. I’m glad I did, I really enjoy it. out of all the changes I love my sideburns the most!

How long have you been out?

3 years!

How does your family feel about your trans identity?

frankly I don’t care lolol

Would you ever go stealth, and if you are stealth, why do you choose to be stealth?

I’m kinda in the middle. I’m open about being trans online. I pass irl so I’m pretty much stealth there to strangers. but if anyone ever asked if I was trans, or if a trans discussion ever came up, or if I was just talking bout my past where it’s relevant to the story, I’d be fine revealing I’m not cis

What do you wish you could have shared with your younger self about being trans?

1) that no, people don’t secretly see you as a guy, 2) the term trans, 3) that you can get top surgery without any therapy involved (I thought I’d never be able to get it because of that, I resigned to that fact for so many years when I could’ve been arranging it!)

What’s your biggest trans-related fear?

lol I’m not sharing that

What do you wish cis people understood?

I honestly don’t think about that much

What impact has being trans affected your life?

it didn’t affect me much til puberty. before puberty I sorta deluded myself into thinking everyone around me secretly regarded me as a boy but weren’t allowed to show it. when puberty came my life ended. dysphoria really made me suffer all through my 20s. and I always hated being seen and treated the way people did. I’ve never ever disliked being trans. it’s always been me. but now I live so fully and happily. I love being trans

How do you feel about trans representation in media?

I really do not want it unless a trans person is the one creating it.

Who is the transgender person who has influenced you the most?

can I say myself? lolol

How are you involved with the trans community, IRL or online?

making/reblogging trans posts is the extent of what I do. I did do a few things irl--helped carry a huge trans flag during pride once. it was an amazing experience, but way too overwhelming for me lol. tried going to our trans masculine group at my local lgbt center but had a bad experience with one of the members there, and he later became the group facilitator so lol

How do you see yourself identifying and presenting in 5 years?

same as I do now

What trans issue are you most passionate about?

trans youth having all the info they need to be aware of themselves and make decisions about their own lives

What is your sexual and romantic orientation, and what are your thoughts on it?

I’m aroace and it’s amazing! I love being ace! being both trans and ace made me wonder how the heck my life’d pan out in terms of having a partner. cuz I did always want one. but I thought I’d have a pretty low chance of finding someone I liked (I don’t like many people LOL) who also embraced and understood both my transness and aceness. and who made it simple and easy for us on both ends. maybe the chance was low, but I got the perfect partner now ❤

How did/do you manage waiting to transition?

it was just painful. there’s not much more you can say

#filled meme #trans stuff

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omg-psychiccoffeebouquet-blog · 5 years

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Dysphoria and Other Gross Emotions

Recently, I have been having thoughts over my body. I guess it has to do with the fact that I am unable to bind most days, due to working rather long hours and having an (in my opinion) quite physical job. I don’t want to hurt my body, considering I want to get top surgery at some point, but most days I can’t handle my chest being the way it is. My voice has been hoarse lately, so I don’t have as much of an issue with that (until I get upset and my voice gets higher) but my physical body doesn’t match my mentality. And it shows, especially when I’m at work and running around after children.

I feel like some people think I’m faking it. I know I’m not, but those who know at work (only due to seeing my Facebook and stuff) don’t really see me in a Binder anymore. I know it’s not a phase. But when I can’t always comply with how I want to be seen; I find it difficult to know whether people see me for who I am. I understand the whole “not wanting to confuse the children” and calling me by my birth name because of that, but honestly, it doesn’t feel right. I have a complete understanding of the situation because a) they’re young children, and b) I’m not out to everyone yet, but I don’t know how I’m referred as when I’m not at work by those who do know, and i don’t want to ask.

Sometimes, I just want to shave all my hair off, cut off my breasts, get a penis, and just start injecting myself with Testosterone. Of course, I want to do all these things eventually, but I just have those days where I really need it. And recently, I’ve been having those days a lot.

I just need a break. I love my friends, i love my family, I love my job, i have a pretty good life, but i need a break from everything. I just need to not do anything for a while. I need to focus on myself and figure out my transition and just TRY to relax.

- Spencer

#long first post #sorry #ranting is needed #feel free to ignore if you like #ftm #transgender

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the-last-airbadger · 5 years

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My 2018

It’s time for my annual evening of reflection everybody! The moment you’ve all been waiting for! It feels kinda weird to make a post like this because I feel like I haven’t done this kind of thing in ages, but it’s tradition and I like making these, so I’ve got last year’s post right with me and I’m ready for some reflection!

The Beginning of 2018 vs. Now Honestly, I don’t really remember much from the beginning of the year? I just know that I was working as a postman back then and that’s basically all I did during that period. It was cold outside, I disliked my job and I was unsure of which subject to pick to study in university. I also had some pretty bad dysphoria days around like... march? I don’t really remember. It wasn’t all bad though, I already felt a lot better than the year before and I was optimistic that it would get even better in the future.

Best things about 2018 The very best thing to happen this year was my top-surgery. I’d been waiting for the moment I got my surgery for more than 2 years and the dysphoria became increasingly harder to deal with. On top of that I was constantly scared that something would happen that would cancel or delay my surgery. Not being able to get surgery was my #1 fear. Now, I finally can put that all behind me. I’m not fully healed yet, I still need to wear stickers to make my scars less visible, but I haven’t felt any dysphoria since my surgery. I’ve honestly never been this happy with my body. I’m still not perfect and still waiting for some testosterone changes (hurry up beard) but apart from that I am actually.... done... with my transition... whoah

The second best thing of the year was starting university. I honestly love going to school everyday, and I’ve already made a lot of new friends. I even don’t hate doing the homework, and I’m actually motivated to work hard and succeed. University has made my life so much better and I honestly haven’t been this happy since 2015. Bless uni.

Another thing that comes to mind (or things, really) is all the people I saw live this year. I saw Paramore in january, Markiplier in feburary, Evanescence in march, Dan and Phil, Ed Sheeran AND Queen in june, Jacksepticeye (for the second time) in October and Maria Mena (also for the second time) in December and every single one of those events was amazing. I crossed a lot of things of my bucketlist this year haha. Now all I need is to see my favourite kpop groups live (but I’m going to Day6 next month so I have high expectations)

There were more good things this year but they were mostly minor things. SHINee released some amazing music, LOONA debuted, I got into Stray Kids and Seventeen, discovered lots of great music, I (finally) quit my acting class after nailing the main part in our last performance, and I got my driver’s licence. I started driving lessons is Feburary, then had my first exam in june, failed it, took a small break, started again in october and finally got my licence in november. I hated those lessons with all my heart and they really depressed me, so when I finally passed and got my licence, I threw the biggest party lmao

My resolutions for 2018? So here it is, the moment of truth. I don’t even remember last years resolutions and I purposely didn’t look them up so this would all be a fresh new surprise. I always love looking back at these. That’s like 90% of the fun of making them

finally decide what to study - I’m studying English language and literature in Leiden right now and I have tests next week haha

Get Top-Surgery - Did That. Hell yeah

Write at least 100 pages of a story - I have written a little more than the previous year, but I still don’t think it’s more than 10 pages... that’s dissappointing.

Accomplish my reading challenge on goodreads - ...another fail. But! I read 24/35 books this year and that’s already 2 more than last year so there’s progress. We’ll get there eventually.

Start University - You already know the answer to that

Make new friends - Did that too! I’ve got a group of friends from university and they’re awesome

Quit my acting classes - Another success!

Learn how to drive - Even got my license ;)

Improve my drawing skills (maybe make a comic?) - Hmm I didn’t really draw much this year, and I definately didn’t make a comic, but I still think my art has improved slightly so that’s kind of a win?

Reach 300 followers on tumblr - BOI. DEFINATELY DID THAT. I’ve got 812 followers as I’m typing this right now.

Get more than 20 subs on Youtube and consistently create content for my channel - I’ve got 27 subs right now, and I’ve posted every single week. I was only late like once or twice in a whole year. I think I can call that a success.

Learn Divenire on the Piano - Ouch... still only know half the song. That’s a failure.

Dye my hair - Sadly, didn’t do that either. Hopefully next year

Continue to shower every day - I think I only skipped like 5 days in total so I’d call that a success too.

Start working out/exercising regularly - ...fail

Get new glasses - Success!

Expectations for 2019 Oh, I haven’t really thought about this. I kinda just expect a year of going to university and living an average but calm year. I know I’ll have 3 weeks off in january, in which I plan on reading a lot of books and just chill. I’ll also go and see Day6 live in january (I’m so excited holy shit), and then in febuary my mom will move, so I’ll get a new house. Then I’ll probably pass my first year at university and start my second year. And that’s about it. Oh, and I’ll probably go on holiday to Sweden in the summer, but there isn’t much else I expect. I just expect a chill and happy year to be honest. It would also be great if I got a boyfriend/girlfriend but that’s more a wish than an expectation lol

2019 Resolutions?

Dye my hair (let’s give that another go shall we)\

Get a good haircut

Get a tattoo

Move out of my parent’s house (that’s a bold one)

Accomplish my reading challenge on Goodreads (I really want to accomplish that 35 books goal, it’s starting to haunt me)

Get tickets for A.C.E.’s concert

Get swol

Communicate more with the people around me

Don’t let other people’s opinions shape my actions

Pass my first year at uni

Go swimming (I haven’t done that in 3 years)

Grow a beard (plz universe)

Learn how to make flipbooks (it looks really cool)

Learn how to knit (I really wanna make my own sweaters)

Read books on storytelling and learn more about how to tell a story

Develop my story more

Write at least 100 pages

Spend more time with my friends, both new friends and old friends

I think that’s it for this evening. I hope this was somewhat enjoyable to read, and I wish all of you an amazing and happy 2019!

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ermalmeta · 6 years

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i was tagged by @willevince, thanks!!

RULES: answer the 11 questions. Make 11 of your own and tag 11 people!

(okay i’m like halfways through the questions and sto scrivendo la divina commedia so i’ll put this under a cut)

1. If you could change one thing in your life, what would it be and why? as shitty as it might sound, i would want my father to be away from me. i don’t want him dead, just away from me.

2. If you were given three wishes, what would you ask for and why? good question. 1, to be in the point of my transition i want to be in now. which means be on testosterone and have had top surgery. might seem like a shallow wish, but other trans people would understand that it’s not just a matter of how you look. dysphoria upsets me greatly and if i could already be transitioning, i would be a happier, healthier person. 2, to live near my boyfriend. not sure if with my boyfriend, maybe we’re both not ready for that, but at least like... not live on opposite parts of the world. because as much as i believe in long distance relationship and our relationship is great, it’d be so much better if i could be physically near him whenever we both want and need to be. 3, for all my mental health issues to be... not gonna say cured because i’m not sure i want that. i just want my mental illnesses under control. i want to not be so affected by them. i want to be sure i won’t end up in the hospital with tubes in my stomach or whatever again after a moment of weakness (or courage, honestly not sure), you know.

3. Imagine you found out the world is gonna end in one hour, what would be the last things you do? realistically speaking, i would probably just be really quiet, hug my cat if i were able to do that and do whatever the people around me told me to do. i’m not good with endings, i don’t know what to do when i have to say goodbye, i would just suck at like... doing what i would want to do, because i wouldn’t know what that’d be.

4. What is the one artist/band/actor/whatever that touched you the most/changed your life? How did they do it? honestly, this is a hard question to answer, because i have to pick just one. i’ve had various people be that one person (or people, whatever) in different times in my life. pippo inzaghi, marco mengoni, fernando torres, doors, heath ledger, muse, petrarca (shut up i know i’m lame), twenty one pilots... a lot. i’ve kinda always needed someone to be my reason to go on, my reason to be strong, all that. BUT okay i need to answer the question. i can’t pick one though because it’s 2 people and they both changed my life. so, first: steven gerrard. he honestly was, is and always will be my hero. i’ve been a liverpool fan for 10 years and although the very first reason why i started watching lfc games wasn’t stevie (that’s how i call him, that’s how we fans call him so i’ll call him that from now on), he was a huge factor in why i stayed with this club. and believe me, i stayed through really tough times. now, you might think, what could a football player possibly do to change your life so much that he ends up being in this answer? the thing is, it’s not one thing stevie did, it’s just the way he is. the person he is. because that’s what is most important about him to me, although he also is my favorite football player ever, it’s him as a human being. he wasn’t afraid of showing his weaknesses, but at the same time, being a leader of his team, of being strong for himself and for others. he was always the one to metterci la faccia (idk how to translate, the one who stands up for something?). he deals (or dealt, mostly, i think) with anxiety and it was known among fans of english football, journalists, everyone, he seeked help for his mental health issues. that meant so much to me especially some years ago when i first heard about this, because i myself struggled (i still do) a lot but couldn’t talk about it with anyone. now i’m gonna tell you about a really personal thing, also trigger warning for self harm ahead, but i think it really shows how much stevie has helped me. so, i’ve struggled with self harm for 5 years now. but the first time i wanted to hurt myself was more than 5 years ago. i was laying in my bed and i just couldn’t stop thinking about it, i couldn’t move, i couldn’t cry, anything. then i looked up at my wall and saw a picture of steven gerrard that i had there. i still couldn’t move or do anything, but i remember i was like, no, no, no. don’t do it. he wouldn’t want you to. after a bit it was my cat who came to me and managed to make me come out of that state completely, i hugged her and felt better. after that, thinking about him has saved me from hurting myself countless times. i did eventually, as i said, give in. but still, even now, he helps with not relapsing sometimes. he’s just so important to me, i want to write a million things but i already wrote too much. sorry about that. and since i already wrote too much, i won’t talk about the second person, i mean you all know how much he means to me and if you wanna know more, shoot me an ask. it’s ermal meta obviously. seriously, if i start talking about him i will never shut up. so i’ll save you all from it.

5. Imagine you were given the power to rule over your country singlehandedly, what would you change first and why? god do you know how fucked up italy is, how am i supposed to choose, what the fuck. i think i would simply put in positions of power people who actually care about the citizens and actually know what they’re doing, because i’m not the right person to rule over a country. but also first i would just finally fucking give lgbt+ people fucking equal rights because come the fuck on we EXIST

6. Do you think it’s more important to love or to be loved? Why? i think in a healthy relationship of any kind, you need to have both. you need to love and be loved. but i think that when you’re growing up, when you’re a kid, it’s more important to be loved. especially by your parents or guardians. because if those people don’t love you, it’s gonna fuck you up long term.

7. If you could have one and any super power (mind reading, flying, teleporting, laser beams shooting out of your eyes…) which would you choose and why? turning invisible because i wouldn’t have to worry about how other people see me and my body, i could take a bus without my mind screaming at me “see, no one here sees you as a man so you’re clearly Not Trans Enough” and shit like that. also i could probably sneak into some places like concerts... but i would feel too guilty to do that honestly dfjsjk

8. What is your favorite movie and why? What does it mean to you? i don’t think i have one DEFINITIVE favorite movie, but right now it’s moonlight. because it tells an important story and it tells it in a brilliant way, with amazing cinematography and acting. it’s not really about me because i’m white and the characters being black is a core part of the movie, but i’m a gay man and it means a lot to me to see stories about gay people. (and black gay people need stories like this one)

9. Imagine for one night everything is legal (woo, Purge!), what would you do, if anything? Why? i would vandalize salvini’s house with the gayest shit i could think of i would do more serious damage to him because he deserves the worst but i’m not a violent person like i literally would not be able to and i would do the same to fontana’s house and every single homophobic, racist, fascist piece of shit in this fucking country. why? i mean, do i need to explain?

10. What do you desire the most and why? freedom. freedom from my father, freedom to be myself, freedom from my “demons”. just freedom. because i’ve felt trapped for as long as i can remember and for as long as i can remember when i thought about what i wanted all i could think of was ‘to be free’. i’ve tried to be free in ways that were just bad for myself. but i’m still not free. perché la libertà è sacra come il pane.

11. Is there anything you need to get off your chest right now? ... don’t get me started. i feel like no one cares about me and how i feel, to sum it up

MY QUESTIONS:

what’s the most important lesson you’ve learned in your life so far?

would you rather learn and be fluent in a language in one day or learn how to play an instrument perfectly in one day?

what’s your favorite movie genre? why?

one of my favorite lyrics is “in una spiaggia resta unico ogni granello di sabbia” (“in a beach every grain of sand remains unique”). what do you think about it?

what’s your biggest regret?

if you could tell the person or people who’s hurt you the most in your life everything you want or have always wanted to tell them, what would you say to them?

what’s a book that you couldn’t stop thinking about for hours after you read it and why?

do you have any song lyrics tattooed? if so, which one(s)? if not, would you like to someday?

are you a person who cries a lot? do you think there can be strength in crying?

what’s the best purchase you’ve ever made?

think about this last year. have you changed? how so? and do you like that you’ve changed?

i tag @biziometa, @italiangorilla, @tanhaiyaan, @the-infamous-wine-bottle, @kseniazhuk, @f-michielin, @carometamoro, @ermal-metal, @etalambda, @gentlepluck and @pensierieforme

#oh my god tagging so many people made me anxious i feel like i'm annoying you all #just skip my answers and go to the questions TBH!!!!!#i wrote poems not answers #or don't read at all it's fine you don't have to do this #no pressure #about me

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iknowthismuchistrue2017 · 7 years

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My FTM Detransition

This is the story of my own transition and detransition. This is my experience only. I’m not speaking for anyone else.

I’m in my midlife now, and up until about six months ago I knew I was trans. My top surgery and hysterectomy were done almost two decades ago. My name change was legal almost a decade ago.

I’ll start at the beginning. I was born in the sixties in a conservative town at a time when gender roles for men and women were extremely rigid. I know these roles are still rigid, but believe it or not they are less extreme than they were. Growing up it was apparent to me even as a child that I was less than just for being born female. Fathers were proud of their son’s in a way no one was of their daughter’s. When son’s were born it was celebrated, when daughter’s were born it was just another day. Additionally sons had power, they were allowed to be vocal and have opinions. Daughters were seen and not heard.

My mother wanted nothing more than a girl when she had me. She’s told me that by 3 years old she could no longer keep me in dresses, that she would put me in a dress and within minutes she would find me stripped down and dressing myself in my fathers clothing. This was the beginning of the clothing wars with my mother, and I give her a lot of credit for finally letting me win that war to a large extent. She did eventually allow me to wear t-shirts, jeans and sneakers most of the time, though I still had to wear dresses for holidays and events. Those days involved a lot of screaming fights and crying. I was not allowed to cut my hair short until high school, which was another battle and a huge relief when the day finally came.

My friends were all boys. I liked their toys, their games, and playing sports. I felt like one of them, but I couldn’t understand why I didn’t have a penis. So every night I would ask god to please let me wake up with a penis. I don’t recall how long I made this request, but I remember waking up disappointed for a significant period of time. I never had any interest in girls, their toys, or their games. And I found their conversations boring.

Over and over I heard the same things from the adults around me, even some I didn’t know:

“Girls don’t do that”

“Why are you wearing boys clothes?”

“Why are you wearing boys shoes?”

“You’re a girl you know”

And later, “Why do you have a boys haircut?”

Looking back I can see the beginnings of my internalized misogyny. And why would I want to be a girl? Girls didn’t get to wear comfortable clothing or shoes. Girls didn’t have any of the freedoms afforded boys. Boy Scouts went camping while Girl Scouts sold cookies and did what I considered to be boring, and in a skirt! A girl’s future involved getting married and having children, which I had no interest in. Girls didn’t grow up to have careers, they grew up to be housewives doing laundry and making meals and I had no interest in that either. There was no room for me in any of this, so from the beginning I was separating myself from girls and identifying with boys.

At 11 when I got my first period I honestly felt like my life was over. I became very distressed, and cried every month for years, begging my mother for a way to make it stop. My mother would try to comfort me telling me that this was something all girls/women went through, and that just made it worse for me. All I could think was that 12 times a year, for what seemed like the rest of my life I would be bleeding from my vagina. And while I never liked my vagina to begin with because I felt I should have a penis, I now despised it, and it was the start of intense dysphoria which would last for many years. To make things worse my breasts started noticeably developing quite suddenly and my mother decided it was time for me to wear bra’s. My periods were distressing but I would at least get a 3 week break from them. Bra’s were everyday. From the very beginning I felt encumbered bra’s. They felt like a harness around my body, and I longed for the freedom I had when my skin felt free under my t-shirts before I had breasts.

Once I started puberty I was around boys less because I was isolating, due largely to the distress of a changing body and the realization that I was trapped in a body that did not feel like mine and that I did not want. I was not comfortable in my own skin, and I had a lot of self-hatred because of my body.

I also discovered the love I had for women was here to stay. When I was younger I had crushes on girls, but I didn’t give them too much thought because my friends were boys who also had crushes on girls. The only talk of gay men, or lesbians (shims as they were called in my town) I ever heard growing up was mocking and negative, so I kept this secret to myself. In high school I was determined to make peace with my body and spent my junior year wearing make-up and dressing like a girl. I had no friends because I had already be judged a freak by my peers and I became more depressed than I already had been. In my senior year I went back to dressing in a way that felt right to me, back to men’s clothing, with big button shirts over t-shirts to hide my breasts. I had learned to wear sports bra’s in a smaller size to flatten myself.

After high school I went away to college in a major city and for whatever reason ended up quickly becoming friends with lesbians and the lesbian friendly women, without even being aware that this is who they were initially. Then for the first time I began dating woman. I enjoyed this new group of friends, and girlfriends too. I got a fake ID and began going to gay and lesbian bars and a new world was opening up to me. I had transformed into a butch lesbian and it felt like maybe I was coming into my own, sort of.

I did begin to notice not long after was that I still didn’t feel right in my own skin. I was with a group of friends I loved, and had a girlfriend that I loved and yet I didn’t feel a part-of within the lesbian community. I was with women, who were proud of being women. But my body still felt foreign to me. I still had dysphoria. I still felt distress with every single period I had, not only that my periods were heavy, and painful, and a full week long. And I still wore tight sports bra’s to hid my breasts.

It’s important to remember that this was the mid 80’s, long before the internet, and long before the word transexual was used to mean anything other than a pejorative. The only time I heard the word “trans” was in reference to transvestites and prostitutes at that time, and it was used in the most derogatory way.

After 4 years of college in a major city where being a butch lesbian was largely accepted (in the right parts of the city), I moved to another major city. This new city was a big wake up call for me because while there was a large lesbian community, it did not include butch lesbians. I had a buzz cut and wore jeans, t-shirts, Doc Marten’s, and a black leather motorcycle jacket and I was not welcome within this lesbian community. I’m sure somewhere in this new city there must have been butch lesbians, but with no internet I never found them. I tried for a couple of years to make friends within this group and no matter what I did I couldn’t make friends, and couldn’t find a girlfriend for quite a long time either.

I decided to throw myself into my work and became a workaholic. I worked long hours, and 95% of the people I worked with were straight. Once again I became more comfortable with the men I worked with, and generally talked only to the women I had crushes on, some of which I had relationships with. I still had dysphoria, still hated being in my body, and still did not identify with being female. I began distancing myself from being female even more, my internalized misogyny came crashing back, and I was incredibly depressed. Life went on like this for years.

Eventually the word trans became part of the vernacular, and when I was about 35 I had top surgery. This was one of the happiest days of my life. It was the beginning of a journey that was going to help make me comfortable in my own skin. Within a couple of years I had a hysterectomy. The hysterectomy was for medical reasons and not related to my being trans, but that was the other happiest day of my life. Now life was really looking hopeful for me. I still had some bottom dysphoria, but without breasts and periods my life instantly became easier to deal with. I very much wanted to start T, but at the time I had a great job in a somewhat conservative industry that I wasn’t willing to lose at that time. I had already been passing well enough to use men’s rooms and get called “sir” pretty consistently without T, provided I didn’t talk much. But I was leading a double life for years as a female at work and male outside of work, and I was getting tired of that.

In 2012 I started a low dose a T because I was still concerned about losing my job. When my voice started to change I decided to come out to my boss. I lost my job about a month later. A couple months after that I started getting a lot of cystic acne and I was seeing my dermatologist 2 to 3 times a week to have cysts drained. The longer I was on T the more acne I had, and I still was not at a full dose. Other than the severe cystic acne, the other changes I was getting were relatively minor as I already looked fairly male, though I did love the big energy bump I got from it. After another few months both my dermatologist and endocrinologist said as long as I continued taking T, I would continue to have cystic acne. Cystic acne had plagued me through my teenage years and there was no way I could live with it in my 40’s and beyond. I stopped T.

While it was incredibly disappointing at the time to have to stop T, at the same time I felt relief. I can’t exactly pinpoint why because I still didn’t feel or identify as female, but I wasn’t going to actually be 100 percent male even with T. Something didn’t feel right about it.

It’s been 5 years since I stopped taking T, and in most of that time I still considered myself trans until my thinking slowly started to shift without me being completely aware of it. The more I thought about what my identity is, the more I felt like I’m just me. Sure, I was born female, but I’m still just me, and that me is gender non-conforming. Then about 6 months ago I was on YouTube, and I discovered there were other people who had people who had transitioned, but had then detransitioned. And on Tumblr I found more people who had detransitioned. And none of us detransitioned for the same reasons, we are all unique.

And here’s something else, all my life I considered myself a feminist but I wasn’t, I was a misogynist for decades until the pieces started coming together. I was unknowingly lying every time I called myself a feminist. How could I distance myself from being female in every way possible and not be a misogynist?? Wouldn’t it make more sense to be a different kind of woman? I didn’t and don’t have to buy into this antiquated patriarchal system of what is male and female. For me, by transitioning I was buying into that system and I don’t want to perpetuate that rigid binary model. And more importantly, for me that is, is that had I understood at a young age that is was possible to be whatever kind of female/girl/woman, and that I didn’t have to follow the narrow path I was presented with. Maybe I could have been spared a lot of discomfort, anxiety and stress I felt about being born female. It’s not to say I still wouldn’t have been distressed over my breasts because I did feel entirely confined and trapped by bra’s. But it is hard to quantify whether my periods would have caused so much distress for decades because they were abnormally heavy from the start, and I had excruciating cramps from my first one until the last one. And by my mid 30’s before my hysterectomy I was having extremely painful periods twice a month. Just maybe if I had had a normal cycle I would have outgrown the distress, but I’ll never know. And as for my bottom dysphoria it’s possible that had I not felt so trapped by my gender, had I known there was more than one way to be female, had I had more access to sports and parents who wholeheartedly accepted me as different, maybe that would have eased that dysphoria.

This is what I’ve come to take away from my experience. Gender roles are bullshit. Yes I was born female, but I can be anyone I want to be. I don’t have to fit into any kind of rigid role I don’t want to. And I don’t have to take T to try to turn myself into something I will never be. I also don’t regret my top surgery, because who says I can’t modify my body in any way I want to. I can do whatever I want to my own body. And here’s something else that happened on it’s own, somewhere between the ages of 40 and 45 I woke up one day and realized I no longer had bottom dysphoria. I wasn’t working on it, and the only thing I can think of is I just didn’t care anymore. I didn’t care in the same way I don’t care how people read me. I know who I am, and it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks.

Maybe all of us who are AFAB could start to embrace our differences and build a better community for ourselves. If we work together and accept each other, we could begin to close the gap in the difference between the way men and women are treated in society. We could stand up for each other and not tolerate being “less than”, and we can demand the respect we deserve.

I’d like to add that I am NOT part of the right wing Christian movement. I am not a republican. I am not against people transitioning because we are free to do whatever we want with our own bodies. This post is my own experience and nothing more.

#detransition #gnc #detransitioning #lesbian

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sideofmaduros · 7 years

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Hey! Do you have any tips for binding pain? Thank you! I love your blog btw, keep it up!

Thanks, dude! I’ll do my best with this.

I actually don’t bind frequently enough to deal with this personally, so I probably won’t have advice you can’t find anywhere else. Most of these will be safe binding tips to try and minimize how often you experience pain from binding. If someone else who knows more about this wants to add onto this, please do so!

Take breaks from wearing your binder. If you’re at home, don’t wear it. If you’re sleeping, definitely don’t wear it. If you’re at the gym, please do NOT wear it. If you’re swimming, don’t wear just any binder. There are binders out there made for swimming (I know gc2b has some). An alternative is to wear a sports bra under one of those sun-protection shirts. My personal alternative is to not go swimming lol But anyway, as strong as your dysphoria may be, your health is important, and screwing yourself up with binding too much can make getting top surgery more of a challenge than it has to be – and depending on the extent of the damage binding has done, you may not be able to get top surgery. If you’re out in public and need to take it off, bring a sports bra to swap out your binder for. It won’t provide the same compression, I know, but it’ll help you feel less exposed as opposed to just taking your binder off and not wearing anything else under your shirt.

Stretch and move your arms when wearing your binder. If you’re in classes at school wearing it, take any opportunities you can to get up and move around. When you take your binder off for the day, do the same stretches and force yourself to cough a few times. Take deep breaths. Get comfy.

Take days off from wearing your binder. I’m not sure how many days apart, since I don’t even wear mine on a weekly basis, but taking 2 or 3 days a week to not wear it will probably help.

Don’t hunch when you wear your binder. This might be hard to do, and some trans guys just hunch anyway to try and hide their chest even when not binding, but good posture will help you breathe easier.

That’s honestly all I got. There’s truly no safe way to bind that won’t eventually cause pain of some sort, especially if you’re binding almost daily. Even if your binder fits you properly, the strain it will put on your body will still happen. Binding puts a lot of strain on your ribs, and ribs aren’t made to handle pressure like that, they’re made to expand when you breathe. I’m sure binding isn’t a good option for guys with spinal issues either.

I don’t know how big your chest is and how flat you feel you need to look, but some guys wear tighter sports bras instead of binders. Those feel better than binders for sure. Some guys wear bulky hoodies, but it’s not always cool out enough to do that without sweating bullets. It’s miserable to do that when it’s hot out. I wish I had more helpful things to say here, but I don’t have much experience with binding at all, just because I really hate how it feels and can deal with being misgendered more than I can deal with the feeling of being strangled. But some guys aren’t like that, and I’m not saying that’s a better way to be, just that if you’re gonna bind, make sure you understand just how risky it can be and please be careful about it. Your health should come first, because if you do want top surgery later on, bad binding can ruin that for you.

Once again, if anyone else has advice for this anon, please add onto this! I hope this was even remotely helpful.

#ask #anon #binding #trans men #trans boy

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