#(shes fine shes cool she just has to suffer through a very detailed explanation of childbirth to get the point across that she does NOT

[lexa-griffins]

Was Madi's first time with another girl?

No, it was with a boy. Her first kiss and her first crush was a girl but at the time she has her first time she's dating a boy and does it with him.

#letter opened #WHICH IS WHY SHE SHOULD HAVE USED PROTECTION #Madi are you TRYING to send your mother to an early grave??? sjsjsjsj #(shes fine shes cool she just has to suffer through a very detailed explanation of childbirth to get the point across that she does NOT #want to get pregnant as a teen) #farm clexa

[wannabe-fic-writer]

WandaNat x Reader : Inhale pt. 2

Summary: She never ceases to surprise you.

Warning: Smoking, Cursing, One Suggestive Joke

Word Count: 1,998

Part 1

* * * * * *

The white paint stares back at you as you lay on your bed. Your view of the ceiling is obscured by the red ball you toss up into the air. It gets slightly smaller as it moves away from you, then larger as it falls back down. 

Your hand catches it and throws it back up into the air, repeating the same process as the tv plays on monotonously from the corner of the room.

Boredom has been washed over you for the past few days. Your girlfriends went on a mission last week. You were able to pass the time during the first week, keeping yourself distracted by hanging around the team, training with Steve, going for a run every time your fingers twitched towards the cigarettes you had hidden in your closet. All of that was failing to work right now.

It seems, though, that you don’t have to suffer through it much longer. F.R.I.D.A.Y chimes up after hours of quiet with an alert that Natasha and Wanda were back and heading to the room. 

You instantly perk up, pushing yourself to a sitting position on the bed and glancing at the door frequently, ready for your girls to walk in. Except they don’t.

The gleeful, happy to be home, response you were expecting is replaced by their clearly upset demeanors. A frown sits on Wanda’s face like you’ve never seen and Natasha’s expression remains neutral. 

They don’t acknowledge you save for a glance in your direction. Both of them go into the closet and quickly change into more comfortable clothes. In an instant afterwards they’re leaving out. And you’re left beyond confused.

With the possible reasons for their behavior and clear attitudes in your head, you don’t take offense to it. You give them some time to cool off, going back to tossing your ball in the air and catching it as you watch tv. 

Around an hour or two later you decide they’re fine now, or at least fine enough to talk to. So you get up, heading first to the kitchen to grab a bottle of cold water and then to the general training room. 

The sound of familiar huffs and the pounding of fists against a leather bag let’s you know your assumption was right. Your redheaded love is off to the fair side of the gym, headphones in her ears as she beats on the punching bag. 

You smirk at the sight of her. Not only do her yoga pants and sports bra look great on her, you always find her focused and slightly aggressive expression kind of hot. She glances at you as you approach and you know she can hear you despite her headphones.

Stopping behind the bag, you lean on it, showing off your smirk to the woman.“ If you really want to work off your frustrations I can think of a good way to do so.” Natasha grunts, rolling her eyes and focusing on punching the bag. 

With a sigh, you move to her side, gently taking her taped up hands and moving in front of her. Forest green eyes look into yours and you give her your best encouraging smile. She knows what your silent question is and sighs.

“The mission went south. We suffered a civilian casualty and others got hurt.” Her expression and tone remain neutral but obviously she’s upset about this. It isn’t her first time dealing with this kind of thing from a mission but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t hate every bit of it. 

“I’m sorry to hear that baby.” You raise your hands to her arms and gently rub them, squeezing a little in between.

Natasha’s heart warms at your soft comforts.“ I’ll be okay. Wan is more torn up than I am. She-” The woman shakes her head,“ she blames herself.” 

You frown, prepared to ask for more details. Then you figure you can ask the girlfriend who’s more deeply affected by it. 

“I’ll go talk to her.” Natasha nods at your words.“ You gonna be okay?” A teasing smile forms on your lips.“ I know you’re my super tough ex-assassin but I’m here if you want to talk.”

Her lips tug up in the corner at your teasing words, but it quickly becomes a sincere smile when you offer your ear. Slowly reaching up, she runs the pad of her thumb along the apple of your cheek.“ I’m okay detka. I’ll let you know if I need to talk. Or your other services.” 

You chuckle softly and nod. Leaning forward, you press a soft, quick kiss to her lips and part, heading off to find your other girlfriend. The not so tough witchy one you love just as much. 

Finding the woman proved to be a little harder than you thought it would be. She wasn’t in any of the places you thought she would be in: the library, the theater, the common room. You wrack your brain for ideas as to where she is and when the last place pops into mind, you can’t believe you hadn’t thought of it first.

It’s a quick jog to the elevator and an even shorter ride up to the top floor. From there you take the stairs up to the roof. 

She’d stolen this spot from you a few months after you started dating. She and Natasha found you up there smoking once and through the year and a half she would find you up here, sometimes sneaking a smoke when you shouldn’t be. 

Her long brown tresses fall down her back freely, the rest of her beauty hidden as she faces away from you. Though you still find her insanely cute that she’s in your hoodie and some stretch pants. 

The long slow straightening of her form clues you in on her deep breath, her body relaxing as she lets it go. You only get a little confused when she pauses and does it again. A thought that you’re unsure of, but the physical cues make you curious. The familiar movement of her arm, the deep breath, the pause. 

“Wan?” You call with an indescribable look on your face. 

Your brunette girlfriend’s shoulders drop and she turns to you. Immediately your eyes focus on the small cylinder in between her fingers, watching as it rises and rests between her lips. 

She takes a quick pull, pauses, let’s a little smoke go, then it all comes out in a straight shot that disperses in the air. It’s such a smooth combination of actions that leaves you wondering if she’d done this before. 

Deciding to hold your comment on that until after she’s completely calm, you take a different route. Approaching her still pacing form, you cross your arms and ask,“ was it that bad?” 

A snort leaves her lips and she takes another drag.“ Worse.” 

“Tell me.” Your hand reaches for her free one and you pull her towards you as you sit on the ledge of the roof. 

Her hand squeezes yours. Your eyes drop from her green ones to her lips as they wrap around the cylinder again, cheeks caving a little, then her lips puckering slightly as she pushes the smoke out. 

“I heard Natasha get hurt,” she starts, fingers once again tightening around yours,“ I looked away for a split second and he got away. We caught him but not until after he shot the tires out on a car. It flipped and crashed into another one.” Her jaw clenches, eyes glossing with tears.“ He hurt a man and his son and- and killed a woman.”

A heavy sigh leaves your lips and you stand, pulling her a little closer to your form. You’d been down this road a number of times. Being on the Avengers team since the beginning almost, you know exactly what it’s like to make a mistake and have others pay for it. It was a deep hole that never ceased to make you hate yourself. But you didn’t want Wanda feeling that way. 

“Hey,” you reach a hand up to cup her cheek, looking into her eyes,“ I know that it hurts. And it’s easy to blame yourself. But it’s not your fault. He made the choices that resulted in that woman losing her life, not you.” 

“But I’m supposed to be the hero. I’m supposed to save people. And I didn’t.” Her accent thickens as she gets choked up, eyes glossing over.

You sigh, taking the cigarette from her hand and putting it out on the ledge, then pull her into your arms. Her head rests on your shoulder and her hands slip up to your shoulder blades.“ You are a hero. A great hero. However, you’re not a perfect one. None of us are. It sucks in situations like this but you can’t save everyone no matter how much we want to. It doesn’t make you a bad person or any less of a hero.”

From the flicker of emotions in her eyes, you can tell it’s still going to take some time for her to cope with this. Still though you see a glimpse of that soft look and you can also see that she believes you to a certain extent.

Raising your hand, you gently push the corner of her lips up. She whines and turns her head away, noncommittally pushing at your side. It makes you laugh and she presses her forehead against your chest.

“Wanna tell me where you got that cigarette from?” You ask. 

She pulls away, producing a pack of cigarettes. Brows furrowing, you flip the top up and count the cigarettes inside. There were four missing.

“Did you smoke four whole cigarettes before I got up here?” An incredulous tone laces your words, disbelief flooding your system. 

Has your habit rubbed off on her? You know she and Nat found it attractive but did that lead Wanda to try it? It’s a terribly unhealthy habit, which is why your girlfriends wanted you to stop, and you certainly didn’t want Wanda getting into it.

“No, I didn’t smoke four. I got these from your boot in the closet,” she tells you.“ Which means you smoked them.”

“I-” you try to think of what to say.“ That was over the course of a few weeks. I haven’t had one in months though.” You know you didn’t need to give her an explanation but you wanted her to know you were still doing well. 

Wanda and Natasha were very well aware of your progression towards quitting. They could even tell the difference in your behavior. Both women were incredibly proud and admittedly you were proud of yourself as well. You had confidence you would be able to completely quit in the fairly near future. 

The younger woman smiles softly at you,“ I know you haven’t. And you don’t have to worry about me starting. It’s actually very nasty and I didn’t feel it did anything for my stress.” 

“Good. I don’t want you forming an addiction and I don’t want to die if Nat found out you’d started by smoking my cigarettes.” 

“She knows now.” 

Nearly jumping a foot in the air, you turn around to see your other girlfriend smirking a little at you. A nervous chuckle leaves your lips and you scratch the back of your neck. 

Rolling her eyes, Natasha steps to the side to stand beside you and Wanda. Her hand slipping into yours, the other held up towards Wanda. 

Wanda sighs and places the pack of cigarettes in Natasha’s hand. The redhead pockets them then takes the younger woman’s hand.“ Neither of you smoke again.” She states plainly. 

Looking at Wanda, you both nod.“ Never again Miss Romanoff.” You and Wanda say simultaneously, bright smiles shown to Natasha.

It’d be harder than that for you but not impossible. Especially not with the support and encouragement of the two women you loved and needed the most.

* * * * * *

Taglist: @owloftheshadows​ @natasha-danvers​ @blackxwidowsxwife​ @yumusak-yastik​ @b-5by5​ @fayhar​ @lostandsearching​ @iliketozoneout​ @ecruzsalaz

#wanda maximoff #wanda maximoff fic #wanda maximoff x reader #natasha romanoff #natasha romanoff fic #natasha romanoff x reader #wandanat #wandanat fic #wandanat x reader #marvel #marvel x reader #mcu #mcu x reader #reader insert

[like-rain-or-confetti]

Request: Grief Always Lifts (Volturi x Reader)

You didn't expect to be sent away from the Cullen's. You were quickly chastised, never to look at it as being sent away, rather putting you in the care of someone else for your benefit. Losing a parent was never easy and it didn't need to be said that you were struggling. You went on day by day, the simple mundane things reminding you of your father and in turn, your loss. Carlisle and Esme thought it best you had a break from America. Somewhere new to really work through your emotions. The last place you thought they'd send you is to the Volturi. 

Sure, Italy was nothing like you were used to but the coven they said would care for you isn't entirely the caring type. You weren't even sure as to what made them agree to having you in their care but you had no doubt Aro probably latched onto the possibility of rekindling his friendship with Carlisle. Regardless, you agreed. A symptom of your grief that they had noticed. You weren't entirely present, agreeing to be convenient and not having a particular want for anything. Carlisle and Esme insisted that if you weren't comfortable, you didn't have to go but you left reassuring them you'd be fine. 

Marcus recognised the look in your eyes, beyond the exhaustion and blank stare your emotions were loud and clear to him. You felt so much pain that with some irony, you looked to be dead. As though the loss had killed you. However such a statement couldn't be further from the truth. You were very much alive, nearly drowning in whatever was going on in your mind. 

The three leaders welcomed you and made sure you knew the higher ranking guards names. Anyone you came across was introduced. Many matching your own blank expression take away the exhaustion that hung over you like a blanket since a few days after your fathers funeral. 

Demetri and Felix were the ones who took you to your room. You took in the room before turning to the two guards. "Thank you for all of your help." Your voice was as monotone as the minute you had arrived. Although your facial expressions were at bare minimum. You didn't blink very much and it gave off the illusion that your face was trying and very much failing to emote and keep up with your words. Demetri nodded once and the two took their leave, letting you settle in. 

"They look like they haven't slept in days." Felix said quietly. "Apparently they have been sleeping, that's just how they are currently." Demetri responded. Felix looked perplexed. "They were sent to us for a reason Felix. The Cullen's wouldn't have asked us if they weren't desperate." Demetri said. "Sure, it's just odd to see them so lifeless." Felix replied. Demetri nodded. "Seeing them like this in comparison to how we last saw them is very strange. Even the twins seemed to be caught off guard." 

"Is the room to your liking?" You looked over your shoulder to see Caius approaching you. "It's great." You responded. "Thank you so much, I don't think I've ever stayed somewhere to extravagant before." Caius cracked a smile. "We have expensive tastes here. I imagine that isn't the only thing you have noticed though." "You're right. The decor isn't exactly modern yet you still have the random TV, electricity and such. I think what I'm trying to say is that it's a perfect combination of old decor and convenient modern day technology." Caius hummed. "That is good. I can't say many of us use most of the modern equipment, although it has its uses every now and then. Such as warm water for you." It was your turn to crack a smile. It was nice they remembered the little details. "I've never had a room with a balcony. Not had one with such an amazing view either." You could see out to the ocean beyond the cliffs, the sun setting creating a cool breeze. "Yes, it is very beautiful. My wife adores the view. She doesn't see the buildings as much from the tower but she sees the sun rise and set. That's enough for her, she says." Caius said looking in the direction of the setting sun. You noticed Caius was never this talkative with anyone, never mind a human. It had gone from polite pleasantries to a conversation and you weren't sure what to make of it. "We must ask something of you, (Y/N). A few things actually." "Okay...I mean, it makes sense since you're letting me stay here." "We only ask that you do not leave your room when we are feeding. A guard will tell you when we are going to feed and when you can leave. At most you'd be in for an hour. We must also ask for your phone. You are more than free to make calls using the phone at reception but due to all of the things mobile phones can do, we must insist." You nodded. "Sure, that's reasonable." You dug into your pocket for your phone before handing it over. "Oh wait, can I turn it off first?" Caius looked down at the device in his hand. "I believe that would be best because I don't know what I'm looking at with these things." You cracked a smile, holding down the power button. "There." "Thank you." Caius nodded. 

They noticed that you slept, a lot. Sure they were told between 8-12 hours is enough but they let you sleep a little longer in case of jet lag or time differences. That was until it became apparent that these were no longer an issue. It couldn't have been healthy.  It was no surprise to anyone when Demetri and the twins opened your door to find you asleep. They already knew that of course, as did the rest of the castle. You were tucked into the covers, your face buried into your pillow, only the top of your back being visible to them. It would have been amusing or even adorable at the time, if it wasn't very concerning. 

Demetri crouched at your bedside. "(Y/N), it's time to wake up." Demetri said softly. You shifted before shaking your head. "Come on, darling. You'll sleep the day away." "Let me." Was the quiet grumble you responded with. This was confirmation that you weren't in high spirits today. Demetri rubbed at your arm that was under the covers. "We can't let you do that, darling. We'll be more than satisfied if you get out of bed and get changed. It'll make a lot of difference." "No, it won't." There was a whimper in your voice that time. Your grip on the covers tightening, your knuckles going white. "It doesn't bring him back. It doesn't make the day any easier because he's gone." Demetri moved closer. "I dreamt about him." You said, a sob breaking through. Demetri rubbed your back as you sobbed. Anyone with a sliver of empathy would have found it difficult to watch. Demetri had no doubt that he seemed like a villain to you right now. Asking almost the impossible but it was better for you. Not to mention, the leaders had already decided that this couldn't continue. "I know you're suffering right now sweetheart." Demetri rubbed back again soothingly. Demetri looked to the twins, nodding to them. A silent message to relay what had happened here to the leaders, to confirm the distress they could likely hear. "One step at a time. This is all you have to do today. In fact," Demetri paused, looking around the room. "why not get changed into those softer clothes you have. The ones you say are more comfier like your night clothes. Can you do that?"  It took a lot of coaxing but you caved, doing exactly that. 

A couple of more days passed and you seemed to just cry your way through them. Aro was the first to approach the matter. "I know that this all feels like an ending but you may find that-" Your gaze shot up to Aro's like a deer in headlights, feeling tears build up once more. "Aro, I don't think I'm ready to hear this right now." You managed out in a whisper. The only way the words would leave your mouth. "I thought I'd have my sister with me forever." Aro told you with a sad smile. "We were many years apart but she was my sister. We may not have grown up together but we were going to make up for that...with forever. One day that changed. I lost her. I won't lie to you, I will always remember that pain, and I'll still feel it every now and then but with time, it isn't so raw. It doesn't consume you as it does when it's fresh." You dropped your gaze from his once more, swallowing hard against the lump in your throat. "This feels like a pain that will never go away." "It lifts every day, my love." Aro responded. "Loss creates wounds and sometimes they scar but that's alright." Aro nodded.  

A tear ran down your cheek as you bit back a sob. Aro's words were actually comforting. It validated your feelings, telling you that you could feel that way whilst not undermining or dismissing it as something to be ignored as it would go away. Furthermore, it was a meeting point to help you understand that the pain you felt wasn't going to drown you, no matter how deep the pain went. It would get easier and you wouldn't forget. 

A day passed and it was possibly the most draining day you had yet. You felt tears constantly. Sometimes they fell yet it was for no reason, they'd leave as quickly as they arrived without explanation. Therefore you couldn't give any explanation to the Volturi. You were somewhat reluctant to see Marcus when he asked for you but you also knew you weren't in any position to refuse. 

You found the door was open as you entered. The room only illuminated by the fire to the right of the room and surrounded by two couches that looked old and exceptionally expensive- a dark brown wooden frame with padding covered with a rich red fabric. You quietly sighed to yourself the moment your eyes landed on Marcus. His back was turned to you, a very old, large book holding his attention. Or so you thought. "I know your pain, child." He said as you moved towards the fireplace, your arms crossed over chest. "I'm sorry for your loss." You grumbled.  Marcus turned to look at you before moving towards you. He gestured for you to sit in the seat behind you. As you did, he sat down opposite you. "I'm more concerned about yours." He responded. "We find ways to cope with loss. You have lost your way whilst trying to find yours." "I'm fine if that's what you're asking." You said. "I'm not asking. I know how you are feeling, (Y/N). I know not what you are thinking." Marcus replied. "You could always ask Aro. He's seen inside my head-." "Aro's sight is nothing to me in this case." Marcus interrupted. "It's meaningless. Hearing it from you gives it meaning." "You want me to talk about it." You said flatly. Marcus said nothing but looked at you expectantly which had confirmed your suspicions. You looked away, contemplating if you should. You came to the conclusion that it wouldn't hurt. "I can't really figure out where I've to go from here, in life. I've never had to live without him." You answered.  "You go on, little one. There is no direction. No one is pointed in the correct direction. At the end of the day, you go there yourself. With everyday, you go on and that's exactly what you're supposed to do." He responded. "When someone puts their all into you, their love, their effort, their time, they grow a bond to you that can never be broken, not really. It's always there. So when someone loves you so much...it's never goodbye." Marcus continued. "The truth is...losing someone is never easy. It changes you and it changes your life but it's never more important to remember that life goes on and people will miss you when you're no longer around. I know you well enough to know you'd want your loved ones to carry on. That's what is being asked of you now."  Hearing Marcus' perspective was actually important to you in hindsight, seeing as he endured such a painful loss that still haunted him to this day. It meant he understood the feeling of something missing in your life. He knew that better than anyone. Although much like Aro's advice it was difficult to put into practice. 

Four days passed and you were fed up of the grief and the constant tears for the tiniest thing. When Caius wanted to see you, you couldn't help but think that he was going to lecture you. Tell you to get over yourself like you had told yourself time and time again. So when you met him on the balcony, you asked. "I suppose you're going to tell me to toughen up right?" You asked Caius. Caius turned his head to look at you, instead of the ocean view. "Is that what you need to hear?" Slowly you shook your head. "So what would be the point?" He asked and you shrugged. "I don't know. I'm just thinking about everything he wanted from me. If my time with him was enough." Caius hummed. "A parents wish is to never outlive their children. They raise you wanting you to be better than they could ever be and live your life as much as you can. Even more so, enjoy it. Be safe and happy, free of doubt." Caius continued. "He got so many years of your life and I bet if you asked him...he wouldn't give up even a moment of the time he had with you. I'd say your father did a wonderful job raising you." "Was it enough though? Was it enough to make him proud and continue believing in me?" Caius cracked a small smile. "I think your father couldn't be more proud of you every day he walked this earth and if there is life beyond the living, he's just as proud." "How do you know? That I made him proud?" You asked after a moment of silence. "Simply because I am proud of you and not only are you not my child...but I am also very difficult to please." Caius responded with ease. You had to swallow hard against the lump in your throat. "Everyone in this castle, every vampire no matter the rank has outlived their parents. Although you may be surprised to know that many among us, had their own children that they have since outlived. All of different ages, from the old to the young. Every single one would tell you the pain of outliving their children was much worse." Caius assured you. Your eyes narrowed. "is that supposed to make me feel bad for my feelings?" You wouldn't have expected any less of him. Caius hummed in amusement. "Not at all, it's something to consider that your father wouldn't have had it any other way." Caius responded. 

You weren't sure when things had changed but the grief wasn't so heavy on you. So much so, you got out of bed at a decent time, got changed and came down for breakfast.  Felix checked in on you as soon as it was evident you were awake but left you to get ready for the day in peace. After breakfast you found both Felix and Demetri in one of the living rooms watching TV. 

You had gotten closer to the two over time. Demetri went out if his way to make sure you were looked after and Felix tried to be something of a friend or even a distraction as he tried to include you in almost everything. 

"Well look who's here!" He grinned. "Come and pick us a movie. You've got good taste as we've learned." Felix patted the empty seat next to him. "No, I need to sit on that side of you- that's my good side." You said. "If I need to have your magnified gaze on me it should at least be on my good side." Felix paused, a small smile growing on his face. You couldn't help but giggle at his expression. "I'm sorry? You're good side? What does that mean?" He said through chuckles. "Is this a human thing I don't know about? You have sides to you now?" "No!" You started but began giggling hysterically. "Listen, I need to know how many sides you have. Is this like personalities? Which side came down to breakfast this morning?" Felix continued and you laughed even more. "Or is it an angel and devil kind of thing? Did you leave your bad side upstairs, sitting in the sink? Which is another conversation all together by the way." "No!" You laughed. Felix turned to Demetri. "I was sent to check on them Demetri, do you know where I found them? Sitting in the sink! When did humans ever do that!?" "It was to get closer to the mirror!" You cried out in your defence. "To check on your good side by any chance?" Felix responded. You had doubled over so much in laughter and uncontrollable coughing Felix looked at you quizzically. "Breathe, (Y/N), it's kind of popular amongst your kind!" Felix's statement didn't help you. Instead you laughed more, curling up into a ball where you stood. "What are you doing now!?" Felix said in mock exasperation, beginning to chuckle himself. "I have to or I'm going to pee myself!" You managed out and Felix suddenly roared in laughter. "Friend, Demetri, listen, Carlisle needs to order a new human. This one is broken." Felix laughed hysterically as Demetri smirked with a playful eye roll. You wiped at tears that had built up in your eyes. "Ah, see, now that you've stopped yourself from relieving yourself on our floor, it's coming out your eyes instead. Humans are great!" "Felix, that is not how that works." Demetri said, his eyes wide as you continued to laugh. "Yes I kn- you ruined my joke! Of course I know that!" Felix face palmed.

Felix stood up, pulling you to a stand and bringing you to sit with him, his arm over your shoulder. "There, there, deep breaths. I've got you kid." Before you could blink he was on the other side of you. "Soothe both sides of you." A other giggle escaped you as he grinned. Demetri looked at you both with a smile. This was much more like the human they were accustomed to. 

The day before you left, you visited Caius at his office, wanting to thank him for everything he had done for you. You were beyond aware he didn't have to say anything to console you. Yet he went above and beyond. "Come in." You heard his stern voice behind the door. "Hi, do you have a moment? I can come back later if it's more fitting?" You asked, looking at him as he moved a few sheets of paper to the side of his desk. "Not at all, you chose a very good moment. What is it?" Caius stood up, moving away from his desk and approached you, closing the door behind you. "Hm?" Caius promoted, slightly softer in tone than he had before. "I wanted to thank you, for taking me in and being there for me when I needed it most. I didn't have the expectation but you went above and beyond more than I could have ever asked of you. I'm grateful." You said. "Well, you certainly needed it. That I can tell you. It's a joy to see you've been more like yourself lately." Caius responded. You felt yourself gradually grow a little more emotional by the second. In some strange way, you were going to miss him and others of the Volturi. Despite being rather rough around the edges. "I don't know if anyone has ever told you this." You began. You feared his reaction but couldn't keep the thought to yourself. "You'd have been a really great father." You said swallowing against the lump in your throat. Caius looked slightly taken aback. His expression changed to something you couldn't quite describe. Awe wasn't the correct word but looked to be the closest thing. His eyes softening as though you had melted his heart with those words alone. He said nothing, unable to believe what he had heard. You immediately closed the gap, hugging him tightly. Caius inhaled sharply, uncertain what to do as you hugged his waist and your head against his chest. You couldn't see it but felt as Caius relaxed, a small smile growing upon his face. You felt a hand cradle the back of your head softly as his other arm wrapped around you. He bent ever so slightly, his head resting on top of yours. "You take care of yourself. Understand? I expect to hear of your transformation soon." He said quietly. When you broke away, he wasn't so emotional. Instead he gave you his signature smile. "I promise." You responded as he led you towards the door. 

Marcus was the next you visited, around two hours later. Softly, you had knocked on his door to his own study and received a soft "Enter." in response. "Hi." You began meekly. "Do you have a second?" You asked as Marcus was putting a book back on book shelf. One of many that covered the whole wall with cabinets at the bottom. "I do." He nodded, turning towards you. "I...Oh hell, this gets harder to do each time." You said, eyes wide. Marcus tilted his head. "Take a breath. I won't bite." Marcus offered you a comforting smile. You smiled at the irony. "I wanted to thank you. You took me in and helped me through probably the most difficult thing I've ever endured in my life. You didn't have to and you did anyway. I wanted to say thank you. I appreciate it more than I could put it into words." Marcus smiled slightly. "Then allow me to thank you, dear (Y/N)." You raised an eyebrow, confusion crossing your features. "It's not often we have such young hearts here, all of ours have faded. You may have shown us that humans can be such wonderful things. Some of us might argue you to be the most wonderful of all. So thank you for blessing us with your presence, little one." You felt tears build again, rendered speechless. Marcus smiled, if anyone understood. It was him. "Your father would be so proud of you and every moment you've spent with us has been nothing short of a gift to us. Never forget that." You nodded. "I'll never forget what you've done for me. I can't express how thankful I am to you and the Volturi. I don't think I could have gotten through this without you." "Ah, ah, remember my dear. You were always going to come through. You've always had that strength in you. That was never strength that we could give. You've had it from the very beginning. It just takes some time." Marcus softly took hold of your arms. "I know it's going to make longer than our time together to properly heal from this. Although I'm more than confident that you will be just fine." As tears threatened to fall, you smiled at him. "I really don't get how you don't have children." You said and Marcus chuckled. "It wasn't supposed to be." "They'd be so lucky!" You responded as the two of you moved towards the door. Marcus chuckled. "If I ever had a child, I'd hope they'd turn out like you." 

When you finally got a hold of Aro, it was in the throne room with Marcus and Caius. You bit your lip. "There's so much I want to say..." You said to him. "...but every time I go to talk I nearly cry." You admitted, the lump returning in your throat. Aro chuckled slightly. "Allow me then, my dear. You've shed enough tears." Aro stood up, descending the stairs with his hand extended towards you. You held out your hand and he took his, cradling it close to his chest. A warm, genuine smile grew on Aro's face. "We have such high hopes for you, young (Y/N)." He said softly. "Your time with us has been wonderful. You are a beautiful soul, my dear. The pleasure was ours, truly. You have no need to thank us." Aro finished. "I trust you will join our kind soon enough. Until then, be safe and send my regards to my dear friend Carlisle." You nodded and Aro nodded behind you. There stood Felix and Demetri who escorted you to the entrance. 

The twins stood in waiting, dismissing the receptionist as you approached. "Is that everything?" Demetri asked, nodding to the bags beside the desk. You nodded. "Yeah." You looked at the four of them, silence overtaking the room. "I wanted to thank you guys too. I know it's not easy to be around a human like you have since I've been here. Especially an emotional wreck of a human." You noticed Alec's slight smirk at this. "Oh come here!" Felix finally said loudly, hugging you tightly. "I'm going to miss having a human around here." He grumbled. "...the receptionist?" You reminded him. "It's not the same! I actually like you!" You smiled into his broad shoulder. "I'll miss you, Felix." You said. "Don't! I'll find a way to keep you!" Felix grinned, squeezing slightly. "They'll never know. I'll find a way!" You giggled as the two of you broke the hug. 

You stepped away, your attention moving to Demetri. "Of course I have to thank you!" You smiled, hugging him before he could respond. He smiled down at you, patting you on the back lightly. "Be safe." He said to you quietly. Finally you looked to the twins. "I know you two don't do the hugging and I've put you two through enough." Neither responded but Alec's gaze wasn't so harsh. It was an improvement as neither of them were glaring at you. "Thank you for putting up with me. I know it must have been annoying for you to have me around- being a human and all that." You smiled slightly at them. The twins were silent but you caught Alec sending you a smile. Whilst they didn't say anything to you, Alec's smile told you a lot. They didn't completely hate you. You weren't as bad as they had thought. Although they weren't quite willing to let their guard down around you. "You two take care." You nodded to them with a smile before turning away. "I believe the car is outside waiting for you." Demetri said with a small brief smile.

#request #twilight #volturi #the volturi #reader #aro volturi #caius volturi #marcus volturi #one shot #oneshot

[huntergatherercreator]

The Takedown | Part Sixteen

Pairing: Mob!Tom Holland x Detective Reader

Summary: NYC has a new drug lord determined to wipe out any and all competition in order to grow his empire. You're going undercover to stop him.

Warnings: Some slight sexual content

Catch up here: Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four | Part Five | Part Six | Part Seven | Part Eight | Part Nine | Part Ten | Part Eleven | Part Twelve | Part Thirteen | Part Fourteen | Part Fifteen

Part 16 – 1,318 words

He leaned against the sink. Fingers clenching and unclenching against the cool porcelain. He wasn’t sure what annoyed him more. The fact she’d got the upper hand over him, again, or that he'd enjoyed it. He needed to get it together. He couldn’t let himself be distracted by how good she'd looked straddling him.

Straightening he pushed both hands through his hair roughly. Glaring at his reflection he sighed before adjusting the front of his jeans, hiding his lingering excitement.

“You’re pathetic,” he muttered to his reflection. He hated the situation he’d found himself in. Taking out Rivera was supposed to be easy. Everything he’d done since Arnold fucked him over had gone wrong. Now he only had six days to fix his mistakes before he lost the reins to the city completely. He needed to be focused on finishing what he started. With another dark look at himself he returned to the kitchen.

The sound of barely suppressed laughter had him prickling. Rounding into the kitchenette his eyes went right to her. She had a hand over her mouth trying to hold back another laugh as she smiled at Joe. A flare of jealousy had him pausing in the doorway. Shoving his hands into his pockets to hide his fists he threw a level look at Joe. Instantly he straightened from his perch against the counter, expression sobering. He felt a stab of guilt. Joe was a good man. One of his best. Lifting his designated coffee cup he stalked to the window.

“Would you like me to do another perimeter sweep, boss?” Joe asked after clearing his throat. He nodded, not trusting his voice to come out as anything other than a snarl.

“Save me one of those sandwiches, I won’t be long,” Joe requested. Tom turned in time to see Joe wink at her. A buzzing stared in his ears. He channelled all his energy into not crushing his coffee cup. Fixing his gaze out of the window he took measured breaths. The click of the door closing rang out in the quiet of the room.

After a beat of silence she stood to offer him a wrapped sandwich.  “I meant it when I said I can take over from here. If you’re not hungry I can make up the couch or you can take the bed if that’s easier.”

He threw a her a side long look. She was still holding breakfast out to him. Her open expression made it clear she had no idea the things he’d thought about doing in that bed. In his bed. On the kitchen table. He’d watched her work all night as his mind wandered to it’s darkest depths. Determined to work her out of his system any way he could he’d suffered through it. Especially after ‘the incident’. He refused to call it a kiss. Feeling his cock twitch against the waistband of his jeans he knew all he’d succeeded in doing was torture himself. Being alone with her wasn’t going to end well. He cursed himself for sending away Joe. He had to get out of the apartment.

“I have to get to the office.” Her eyebrows rose at his statement. “What?” he barked. Her judgment wasn’t something he’d expected to bother him.

“Nothing. I’m just thinking how much more efficient this would have been if we’d had faster internet and a second computer.”  

He narrowed his eyes at her. The dark part of him instantly started questioning just how sturdy his desk was. “You’re not coming with me.”

“It was worth a shot,” she shrugged with a faint smile. Settling back at the table she cradled her coffee.

“If you need anything ask Joe. He’ll be back soon.”

“Wait, you’re leaving Joe here? Don’t you need him?”

“I thought you wanted him here.” The words were laced with a hint of the jealousy he’d felt earlier and he hated himself for it.

“I want his information, but not at the cost of you being unprotected.” He watched her grab her notebook from the counter. A flicker of pain had her frowning. She rubbed absently at her arm before tearing out a section of the paper she’d written on. The dent to his pride gained after she made the kill shot against his attacker lessened as guilt pricked at him. She had risked her life for him. She had the scar to prove it. Not many of his own men could say the same.

Holding it out to him she said, “Call me with the information later.”

Shaking himself out of his thoughts he tucked the paper into his back pocket.

“How’s your arm?” he asked using the excuse of removing the lid from his drink to keep his eyes down.

“It’s fine,” she said after a pause. He didn’t need to analyse her to know that was a lie.

“It better be.” He took a long sip of coffee before meeting her gaze.  Her expression was the one seared into his mind. The hard set of her jaw, lips pressed firmly, eyes critically assessing him. After being around men who regarded him either warily or with blatant fear it was refreshing. He enjoyed seeing it. He enjoyed being the one who caused it.

The door opening broke her stare as she glanced over his shoulder. The way her face relaxed had his shoulders tightening. Capping his coffee, he collected his jacket and strode to the door with a curt nod to Joe. He didn’t wait for him to catch up.

*Detective POV*

With a surprised look we both watched Holland stride out of the apartment. Grabbing a sandwich I tossed it at Joe.

“We need a list of the men that Rivera might be hiding investments under. Holland has my number to call me later with the details.”

Joe nodded, eyes distant for a second. “I’ll see what I can find out for you.” A small smile and he was swiftly darting into the hallway to catch his boss.

I sank down at the kitchen table and rubbed at my arm again. As blunt as he’d been he was right, I needed my arm to be in the best shape it could be. It had been healing steadily but I wasn’t out of the woods yet. It was still a weak spot and one that could be easily exploited if we got caught nosing around the lions den. I didn’t want to have to ask for help, especially not from him, but there was no safe way to get my wound treated at the hospital without it being reported. Zoey may know someone who would help but I wasn’t convinced she’d go out of her way to help me yet. Not after everything that happened in the bar.

Picking up my pen I scribbled down the five names that were rumoured to be associated with Rivera. Staring at them I knew I could start working on tracing them myself but if something did come up and Joe’s list didn’t contain them it’d be hard to find an explanation Holland would believe. Tapping against the paper I frowned. I’d clearly gained his trust, or something along those lines, for him to relent control over the investigation but for how long? His moods were mercurial, the bouts of anger and frustration so hard to predict. He needed sleep, or possibly something stronger to force him to relax. Not that his stress wasn’t justified. What he was attempting to do, what we were, was a long shot. I’d worked closely with the detective who headed the Rivera taskforce. They’d had about as much luck of tracking him down as my team had with Holland. I blinked, the sudden realisation of the situation I was in resurfacing. I had the very slim, but real, chance of taking them both down. I knew I had to prepare for every eventuality.

------------

Taglist:

@spideylovin @lukesbabylon @panicattheeverywherekid @keep-bears-wild @unbelievableholland @tomholland-mcu @whattheheckparker @stargazerholland @gorillaglue23 @marvelpeters @weirdowithnobeardo

Part 17!

#Mob!Tom #mob!tom holland #tom holland x reader #tom holland imagine #tom holland

[fantasy-anatomy-analyst]

(image description: eight sketchbook drawings of characters holding a variety of pride flags, all nude and posed in ways that match some old fine art pieces. The nudity has been censored with cute digital flower stickers. end description.)

Characters:

Dalmar, intersex man. Kouto, nonbinary. Chacha, agender. Parva, nonbinary. Xulic and Kidron, genderqueer. Obeli (or Abuela) Moruga, genderqeer. Olli, demiguy. Sajak, genderqueer.

Genderqueer is kind of my default for "well, biologically and culturally, they already don't have binary sex or gender, so they kinda default to genderqueer." And I know maybe some people will be bothered by that, but it's just part of the worldbuilding I've written around all these non-human and frequently non-mammalian species of people.

The uncensored version is on my Patreon page. I do have one more drawing to add to this series, but since it's four child characters I will not need to worry about adding any censors and keeping the original image only on my patreon, as they will simply be wearing their pride flags as whole outfits.

The previous part of this, my binary trans characters, can be found over here.

detailed character descriptions and explanations of the pose references under the cut

Dalmar Ubora, a black intersex elf man with short black hair. He is holding his arms up as he holds the intersex flag, mimicking the pose of Virgin Mary from Titian's painting "The Assumption of the Virgin". The shading was washed out by the photo, but his belly is still clearly round from pregnancy. Dalmar is an interesting case, in that he was assigned male at birth based on his outward appearance, continues to identify as male throughout his life, but finds during puberty that what was believed to be an undeveloped penis was actually just a non functional body part. Instead, what actually developed to full functionality was his uterus. He still identifies as a straight cis man, and has come to terms with his body. He is married to a medically transitioned trans woman, and he could undergo operations to change his body if he wanted to. Instead, he has embraced his body and even birthed some children who were conceived via sperm donations. This is why I wanted a Mary pose for him, and this painting in particular is about Mary being welcomed into heaven as a blessed holy woman. Dalmar may not be a miraculous holy figure, but there is a reverence in the way he has come to love his body and chosen to bear children, including the surrogate birth of his brother's child.

Kouto Hayashi-Loryck, a slender nonbinary elf with black hair tied into a bun. They are holding the nonbinary flag and standing in the pose of a statue known as "Apollo Belvedere", which is so old no one knows the artist's name. One arm raised, one lowered, legs in the relaxed contrapposto pose. Kouto is an artist and an art model. Apollo is a god of the arts, and regarded as a beautiful and sexual figure. Kouto is bisexual and admittedly a very sexual and flirtatious person. They did settle into a happy marriage though (actually they are Dalmar's in-law and the sperm donor for the aforementioned surrogate birth.) Marriage has not stopped Kouto's flirtations, merely limited their targets to a singular person. It felt right to give him this pose, from a pretty well known portrayal of Apollo. Beauty, art, and sex, all defining traits of Apollo and Kouto alike, all present in a pose where the figure seems to be reaching for something above them.

Chacha Faraji, an agender black elf with short hair. They are facing away from the viewer, seated on a stool that is covered by the draped agender flag. No physical traits that could betray their agab are visible. Chacha is sitting in the pose of Reubens' painting "Venus at the Mirror". The arm closest to the viewer ends at the elbow, while they hold a mirror in front of their face with their one whole arm. Their face is seen reflected, smiling, little wrinkles visible by their eyes. I chose this painting in part because it did allow me to obscure Chacha's agab. They were my first nonbinary character, and I never really settled on an agab. But also, I enjoy putting characters who have unconventional bodies into poses associated with Venus or Aphrodite, the goddess of beauty. Chacha is missing half an arm, they are getting older and it shows in the wrinkles on their face. Chacha is also Aromantic and Asexual, the full queer triple A battery. The mirror pose has become an independence of beauty. "Look but don't touch." Chacha is beautiful, and they do not need to be beautiful for anyone but themself.

Parva Turbatus, a white nonbinary elf with shoulder length curly hair that has been shaved down on the far side of their head. They are holding the nonbinary flag, standing in the slightly closed off pose found in Paul Gariot's painting "Pandora's Box". One hand on their chest, one hand held out to hold the flag. They have top surgery scars on their chest and a c-section scar on their navel, though all of these have unfortunately been hidden by the flower censors. I chose a pandora pose for Parva because they have one of the most intense tragic backstories of any of my characters. Like Pandora opening the box, they have suffered through many things but came out the other side with Hope, and healing.

Xulic Vos and Kidron Engedi, a drow and a lizard person. They are sharing the genderqueer flag. Xulic has long ears and white hair in a braid, with a white monkey-like tail barely visible behind their legs. Kidron looks like a leopard gecko, and their tail is acting as a visual block in fron of Xulic's groin. They are standing together in the central pose of Raphael's "School of Athens" fresco. Xulic is pointing one hand up to the sky, while Kidron holds one hand palm down towards the earth. Xulic's chest is visibly flat, however I have rewritten the drow as a eusocial people, who's biology has made most of the common population infertile and visibly near identical above the waist. Xulic's agab is unknown to anyone but them, and perhaps their reptilian lover Kidron. Both drow and lizard folk have biology and cultures that do not really support a gender binary, so genderqueer suits them both quite well. I chose the School of Athens pose because these characters are scientists in fields that overlap, and they often get into deep discussions on the matter. Xulic is a paleontologist while Kidron is a geologist, and they have another friend (my protagonist) who studies archaeology.

Obeli (or Abuela) Moruga, an elderly goblin with sagging skin and axolotl-like frills on the sides of her head. She grins as she holds the gender queer flag, partly draped over the tall stool she is seated on. Her pose matches that of John Collier's "Priestess of Delphi" painting, which depicts a woman hunched over herself on a stool. Old Obeli Moruga, whose title best translates to "grandmother" is a significant figure in her community, both because of her more practical role as a leader and wise woman, but also because she has gained immortality and become an incarnation of Life Itself, after she was given the offer of such power when she nearly died in the goblin revolution. There are many figures that would suit her. Poses from statues of goddesses, like Athena or Gaia. Perhaps turning away from the theme of greek and roman figures I ended up with for my nonbinary group (dalmar is his own thing) and using the famous painting of Liberty on a battlefield. But now in her old age, all those poses of figures in more active poses, tall and imposing, simply didn't feel right. A wise old woman, hunched on a stool in a pose associated with the idea of an oracle, a priestess, a prophetess, felt much more fitting. (goblin culture does have specific pronouns for leadership, and in the common speech they have decided this translates best to the feminine "she/her")

Olli Moruga, also a goblin with axolotl-like frills, standing with the demiguy flag in his hands. He is in the pose of Michaelangelo's statue of Bacchus, god of wine, merriment, and madness. One hand up as if to salute with a cup, body leaning and perhaps a little unstable. Olli is a gay demiguy, stepping away from the naturally ungendered state of his people to embrace masculinity instead. He is extroverted, loves a good party, and has definitely been a little over his depth with alcohol on many occasions. He knows this is a problem. He used to act rebellious because of it, trying to be cool and aloof, but he has since admitted the truth to himself and now openly seeks help. His trans lover, Zaire (seen in a previous post) has become a great support to him. Even though it may seem odd to use the pose of a god of wine for a character that is trying to overcome an alcohol issue, I still feel like the vibe of Bacchus or Dionysus fits Olli well. He is not only a god of wine, but also of pleasure in general, a concept Olli embraces. Wild joy, perhaps to the point of becoming a little feral, abandoning tradition for personal fulfillment. It is unusual for goblins to embrace a binary gender, even partially. Gendered pronouns do not exist in their tongue, only being used in cases where common speech needs to be used to refer to certain significant figures, such as a leader. It is also unusual for a goblin to take a lover outside their species, since most goblins live in fairly isolated places and all mate together seasonally, depositing their eggs in a communal nursery pool. Olli stands out on purpose.

Lastly, Sajak, an amphibious person with some fish-like features such as their finned ears and a barely visible dorsal fin. They are holding the genderqueer flag as they stand in a commanding pose, one foot on a rock, one arm held out as if pointing to something below them. This pose is taken from the central Poseidon statue in the fountain of Trevi. Their head, arms, and torso are covered in dark tattoos in abstract designs, and they also have a few natural dark stripes along their arms and legs. The obvious connection between Sajak and this statue of Poseidon is that Sajak is a fish person and Poseidon is an ocean god. If I could have thought of a more medical figure, I may have made a different choice in the art reference. Sajak is primarily a doctor, a healer. They are fairly well known and they were an important figure on their home island, though they did leave eventually. Even so, there is a certain vibe to Sajak that suits the image of a powerful and unpredictable oceanic god. They are steady, intelligent, and careful, but they can become fierce when their loved ones are under threat, and the intense focus they show in their work as a doctor can be intimidating to see. There is a feeling of hidden power within Sajak, just as there is in the ocean when it seems calm. Fish folk, whether bipedal and amphibious or fully aquatic, also fit under my category of "non-mammalian people who are just kind of genderqueer by default due to their biology not fitting into a binary".

#figure art #figure drawing #nonbinary #intersex #genderqueer #queer ocs #winks ocs #image description #accessible art #my designs #drow #lizard folk #elves #goblins #merfolk

[treksickfic]

The City on the Edge of Forever

I’m so excited to share this with you, anonymous requester! After you sent in your prompt, I had another anonymous reader get in touch with me to let me know they’d already written a story that matched your wishes exactly. 

The author of this story is French, not a native English speaker, and they’ve written a beautifully touching story that expands on the TOS episode, City on the Edge of Forever.  I am posting it here on my blog, with their permission, because they do not wish to have an account nor have their identity attached to the story. This writer has already become dear to me and I’m honored that they trusted me with their writing. I hope you enjoy it!

It’s a long story, nearly 3,000 words, so RIP to your dash if you’re on mobile.  I didn’t want to post it on AO3 or anywhere else except my blog, which feels safer.

Trigger warning for panic attack and trigger warning for some mild emeto, if you’re sensitive to that. It’s not very graphic.

“James Kirk, I demand an explanation!”

Scotty, Uhura, the teleportation technicians, and the security guards were completely dumbfounded by the doctor's explosion. They watched the captain stagger off, livid, as if he had been punched in the stomach. He disappeared without a word, with long stiff steps, from the room.

“Jim!” yelled McCoy.

 “Not now, doctor.” Spock's cold, dry voice stopped him.

Spock squeezed McCoy’s arm firmly and Scott was sure to read in his black eyes a burst of fury. McCoy noticed it too, because despite the storm of his own eyes, he remained silent.

“Everyone, at your posts,” declared the Vulcan. “Scott, you are in charge for now.”

“Yes, sir.” Scotty nodded, refraining from asking any questions.

As soon as they had come through the Time Gate, seconds after they left, it seemed, but many weeks later for them, he had seen that they were not fine at all. The captain was pale, deaf to their questions, obviously struggling with the tears that filled his eyes. The doctor was just as white, his face contracted with a terrible anger. As for Spock, he kept his eyes fixed on Jim, his usual indifference altered by deep and obvious concern.

What the hell had happened?

This is precisely the question McCoy yelled at Spock, pulling himself brutally out of his grip as they entered his office, safe from prying ears:

“Damn it, Spock!”

 “If you calm down, doctor, maybe I could explain.”

 “Calm down? CALM DOWN? Shit, Spock! How do you want me to calm down?”

 “Breathing. Deep, and slowly. Start by sitting down.”

 “Don't fuck with me!”

 “The Vulcans don't fuck with people. Now, please calm down.”

 Jim killed someone without thought. There's no way I can calm down. Shit!”

Spock gritted his teeth and an aura of icy disappointment emanated from him:

“Jim killed someone without thought...do you get along, doctor? You've been aboard this ship for over a year. You even pretend to be the captain's friend. How can you accuse him of this without thinking for two seconds?”

 “I saw it ! He prevented me from—"

“--and your poor little mind preferred to give in to this abject emotion rather than try to find a logical explanation. Jim, the most compassionate man we know…would he have acted like this for no reason?”

These words had the effect of a cold shower on McCoy. He shook his head, gradually coming to himself. He hadn't actually thought for a single moment, mired in a nauseating fury that he hadn't even tried to control. Shame replaced anger and he sagged in his seat and closed his eyes for a moment.

The past few weeks had been a total blur. He had woken up in a room with antique furniture, with an adorable woman at his bedside: Edith Keeler. It had taken him some time to realize that she was neither a hallucination nor a very good actress, but that he was indeed in a different era. Back in the 1930s. And he had barely had time to figure it out and come out of the bedroom to find answers before Jim and Spock, overjoyed, fell on him.

The next second Edith was dead. And it was Kirk's fault., He had kept him from coming to her aid. It had been too much emotion, too quickly and too soon. He had not managed to digest it, even less to understand anything other than what he had seen:

Jim had killed Edith.

But now that Spock had brought him back to reality, it all seemed absurd. And he noticed certain details: His friend's trembling when he held him; the tears in his green eyes when he leaned against the wall; Spock's unusually soft words when he had defended Jim, "he knows doctor, he knows."

How could he have seen nothing? Holding back a moan, he confronted Spock's stern face again:

“Explain it to me.”

“I'll do it quickly. In the timeline of our current story, Edith Keeler dies in 1930. In the one you walked through, paranoid after the cordrazine syringe accident, her ideals of peace and openness reach Roosevelt's ears and America becomes a peaceful country. That prevents its involvement in the second world war. Germany wins and dominates the world. Our time, therefore, does not exist.”

“Oh.”

“By the time you got there, after roughly locating your destination, we got to know Edith. A very charming woman, particularly intelligent.”

“And, Jim—"

“Was deeply in love with her. But for the good of a whole world and not solely himself, he let her die and prevented you from committing irreparable damage.”

“My god.”

McCoy put his head in his hands, overcome with excruciating guilt. Spock watched him, suppressing the harsh words that itched on his lips. The man had realized his mistake. It was useless to add more in the current state. He sighed for a long time, feeling unpleasantly empathetic towards Jim. He admired the way the man had managed to silence all of his instincts to save everyone:

“You should go see him, doctor. I think leaving him alone right now is not the best solution. Especially since he slept and ate very little while we were on earth, and even less after he realized that Edith had to die. He was ill several times during the night. He needs help.”

“Perhaps it is better ... Chapel—”

“No, Leonard,” Spock said, as kindly as he could. “He needs you.”

McCoy let out a deep sigh. He felt silly, and unforgivable. But for the sake of his friend, and indirectly, the sake of the crew, he knew Spock was right. Grabbing his medical equipment, he left in the direction of the captain's quarters.

 *****

Jim rested his forehead against the cool edge of the toilet. The doctor's words were circling in his mind, adding further weight to his overwhelming grief. He felt sick, his stomach as tight as his chest. A discomfort that had become familiar over the past few days. The intense nausea that rolled and rolled, threatening at every moment to overflow was a most unpleasant physical manifestation of his stress.

Despite his efforts to conserve food that was already scarce in their daily life in 1930, there were times when he couldn't do anything about it. Nightmares woke him in an agonizing sweat, on the verge of ruining the atrocious coarse cover of their flop.

He managed each time to sneak into the bathroom before returning the meager pittance with spasms he tried to silence. He also appreciated the discretion of Spock, who had the delicacy of pretending to sleep when Jim returned to his bed several minutes later, breathless and exhausted. But now that he was alone, aboard the Enterprise, he had no reason to contain himself, and did not fight the gagging that came out violently, like revenge for being held back so long. His stomach, however empty, kept revolting, replacing his sobs with endless contractions.

He had barely activated the door to his quarters when they had started, and he had yielded to the spasms with some relief. As unpleasant as vomiting was, his whole body tense and sore as he curled up over the toilet, at least it kept him from thinking about it. Being sick kept his mind on constant alert, focusing his attention on the spasms, gasps, bile, burning and kept the fear away. Unbearable, interminable, but ... secondary.

He coughed cautiously, catching his breath, feeling even sicker from the pungent smell that hung around him…the smell as horrible as the way he felt. This place of suffering and abandonment suited him.

He leaned over awkwardly when the bile passed his throat for the umpteenth time and spilled out in a long convulsion. He grabbed his stomach and closed his eyes so he couldn’t see the mess coloring the water again. The dizziness began to build, the light becoming unbearable as a migraine took hold of his temples, seeping through to his sinuses. He shivered, trying to reach for the chase to vent some of his weakness, when a hand rested on his forehead. Incredibly cool, it brought such comfort that he could not suppress a fragile sigh.

Tenderly the hand placed a damp cloth on the back of his neck and then finally came to cover his eyes. There was the terribly aggressive sound of the toilet flushing, then a voice whispering for the light to drop to 20%.

That voice ...

His comfort immediately ceased, replaced by anguish. He coughed sharply, spitting out more bile in an effort to shake off the impending grief. He could do nothing against the intense tremors that made him gasp, nor the panicked sob that burst through the vomiting.

“Shhh, Jim.” The voice was a broken whisper. “Shhh, everything is fine.”

Kirk wanted to yell at him to go away, to leave him, not to hurt him anymore. Irrationally afraid of the anger that had rained over him earlier at the prospect of having to face reality. Instead he could only moan, shaken by a horrible, nauseating cough.

Feeling Jim shake and panic under his fingers, McCoy was crushed by an intense wave of guilt. He had seen Jim gripped with grief, stress, drunkenness, anger... but never so completely. It was the first time he seemed ... broken ... and it was largely his fault.

The abnormal heat radiating from his skin indicated a high fever and explained his lack of self control. McCoy took a syringe out of his bag and spoke in a very soft voice so as not to hurt his friend's headaches.

“Jim, I'm going to inject you with a painkiller, it'll help you relax.”

He had no other answer than a small hiccup and a burst of bile.

Nervous vomiting, McCoy noticed. It was serious. He was going to have to play it safe to get the captain to calm down enough to free himself from his sadness and he hoped the hypo would act quickly. He thrust the syringe into his biceps and took advantage of the slight respite that followed to quickly run the medical tricorder over Jim’s upper body.

The latter told him what he already knew: extreme stress, high fever, deficiencies in iron and magnesium, low blood pressure...nothing to indicate a gastric bug apart from weakness due to deficiencies, which reinforced his theory of psychogenic nausea.

McCoy was relieved to find that the sedative had done its work: Jim was shaking less and seemed more lucid.

“Bones...what--?”

Bones. So he didn't blame him. This man's empathy would kill him eventually, the doctor thought. He put a protective arm around the Jim’s shoulders and another under his chest to support him. He could feel the angry stomach muscles that continued to struggle and tighten. He gave a sad little smile.

“We are going to talk about all this. But first, we are going to get out of this horrible room. You need to lie down.”

“Um, that's not safe,” Jim grimaced with a little hiccup.

“I'll take a bucket, but I want you to lie down. Doctor's orders.”

 “If it's an o-order,” he stammered, in a slight attempt at humor.

Jim allowed himself to be helped without opening his eyes, too ill to protest, and too weak to fend for himself. Bones almost carried him to his bed.

Once lying down, McCoy carefully removed Jim’s boots and socks, pulled up a wonderfully warm blanket and put a cloth on his forehead. Then Jim heard the familiar whirr of the tricorder passing once more over his body and finally the sound of several mixes. Careful fingers rested on his right temple.

“Can you open your eyes?”

“Urgh, Bones, I'll throw up if I open them.”

“There is a bucket, don't hold back. I need you to look at me.”

Jim groaned but obeyed. The light, even though very dim, made him moan in pain. It penetrated his head like a blade and triggered, as announced, a violent nausea.

McCoy held him very gently as he threw up a thin trickle of bilious saliva. He fell completely exhausted on the pillow once the attack was over. The doctor muttered something unintelligible and wiped his face.

“I should send you to the infirmary, Jim. You have serious deficiencies and that added to the stress...this is a perfect combination for a migraine in due form. I'll put you on an IV to regulate your sugar levels and give you a strong pain reliever. It should help you feel better.”

Once everything was in place, a tactical, hesitant silence settled between them. Jim could feel his presence, sitting on the edge of the bed rather than a chair, and the warm, warm hand pressed to his shoulder. The exhaustion and sadness rose in power now that the disease could no longer build its walls around his mind. He saw Edith again. Edith and her sweetness, her love, her joy, her magnificent ideas.

"She's fair ... but not at the right time," Spock had said, trying to make her listen to reason when he...he told her that she had to...die. He had desperately looked for another way but...but—

He clenched his teeth, overtaken by the intensity of the pain. By the gesture. He had even been unable to look at her body. He had not turned around, refusing to see what he had just done, struck head-on by the horror and disgust emanating from the doctor.

He swallowed, feeling the tremors start again, the despair skyrocketing. McCoy, hearing the gasps in his friend's tight breath, tightened his grip on his shoulder.

“I ... I loved her...Bones—"

A tear gathered in the corner of his eye and he sniffled, trying to pull himself together:

“Jim,” McCoy whispered, his own emotions rising. “I ... I don't even know how to apologize.”

“You have nothing to excuse. You are right. I ... killed her.”

“No. You saved our world. You did what you had to.”

“Oh, you spoke to Spock,” Jim whispered with a bitter smile.

“Yes.”

Despite the darkness, McCoy could see the paleness growing and the captain's face tightening with the effort to hold back the sobs. He searched for a moment for words he could say to alleviate the pain. Not finding them, he shook his head.

Jim tried to speak, with difficulty. “I shouldn't—”

“You have the right to be sad. You just lost the one you love in an act of unimaginable courage. Jim, I'm an overly impulsive old fool, I can't even imagine what you've been through and I sincerely ask forgiveness for this unjustified anger.”

“Please, Bones—"

“No, let me finish. Thank you for your understanding, but you don't have to. I acted like an idiot.”

“You couldn't have known.”

“That's no excuse. I know you and should have taken a step back.”

“What is done is done.”

“Jim, what I'm trying to say is that you must not let my emotionally spoken words get to you. You didn't deserve it.”

“I...I searched and searched...and searched again. I couldn't get away from her even when I knew that—”

“You were in love.”

“No, Bones. I'm in love. A selfish person who regrets choices that he shouldn't regret.”

“You are human, and you are suffering. Let it go.”

Another tear rolled down, then another, and finally it was a torrent that poured into the pillow. The captain put a hand over his mouth to silence the gasps of despair and the overwhelming agony of loss. Bones gripped his shoulder, patting it in a comforting gesture. He watched Jim sob like a child, breathing laboriously through exhaustion and mourning. Then he gradually calmed down until he fell into a deep sleep.

The doctor sighed and wiped away his own tears that had started at the same time as his friend's, and that he had not tried to stop. He readjusted the IVs and scanned Jim’s body for the third time. His fever was still high from a mild viral infection after several weeks in the cold and fatigue undernourishment. Jim would be off for a few days and stay in bed.

When he left the room, the doctor was not surprised to find Spock standing and waiting with arched eyebrows.

“How is he?”

 “Exhausted and cold, but fine.”

 “Has he been able to express his sorrow?”

 “I guess, yes.” McCoy smiled, thinking of his friend's relaxed face as he left the room.

“And were you able to express yours?”

The doctor jumped slightly, not at all prepared for this question, much less for Spock to say it. He was sometimes pleasantly surprised by the well-hidden sensitivity of his Vulcan friend. A lump formed in his throat and he swallowed it.

“You are about to cry.”

“Damned be your insight, Mister Spock,” the doctor growled, a little annoyed.

“Humans all must cry at one time or another to get better, doctor. I do not understand why you put a manly bulwark in front of this natural mechanism.”

Bones laughed. “Wouldn't you find it embarrassing for me to break down in tears right now in your arms?”

He expected Spock to answer him, "Vulcans don't know the gene, doctor." Instead he replied, in his usual relaxed and serene tone, “If that makes you feel better, no.”

Such compassion was so strange that it almost seemed out of place. Leonard burst out into a frank laugh that turned without realizing it into a flood of tears. Tears of his own sadness this time, not empathy or guilt. Sadness he didn't think he had. Maybe he was also a little in love with Edith after all. And that the Vulcan understood it well before him.

Spock, moreover, did not pretend to leave, contenting himself to stay by his side until McCoy’s tears turned back into laughter.

“Why are you laughing?” the first officer asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Well, Mister Spock, because I’m thinking of the absurd spectacle we would have made if someone had been there. The ship's doctor weeping like a baby in front of a motionless Vulcan and their captain's closed door.”

Spock coughed and McCoy would swear to anyone who wanted to hear it that he was blushing.

“Well, you're not a hopeless case,” he said with a smirk, patting him on the shoulder. “Thanks, Spock.”

Then he turned on his heel towards the infirmary without hearing the relieved sigh of his alien friend.

#star trek sickfic #sickfic #TOS sickfic #sick kirk #panicked kirk #emotional hurt/comfort #physical hurt/comfort #emeto #tw emeto #tw panic attack

[dooptown]

S2 Finale

for once i’m actually going to watch the episode again and get my thoughts down as i do cuz holy hell was this well done, i think

“Comet” playing first instead of the OP was brilliant. Also, as a note, the full music video of that came out, along with some killer animation inspired by the manga.

A detail i love about this music video is Ibuki spotting Free’s motorcycle light in the side mirror before he stops the car and, well, yeah

They actually show Louis reaching for his gun pretty early on into Ibuki’s monologue. I don’t think the manga showed that, but I could be wrong. He definitely has it pointed to him when it’s pitch black same at the anime, but the fact he reaches for it so early means he obviously knows what’s going on, even if he couldn’t pull the trigger.

predictably, the anime does the “darkness” as it always has, with the dark-blue background and bright lines for the characters. The Comet music video does this part of the scene better imo, but it’s not too much of an issue. Free’s whole bit is obviously rushed, and I think the anime suffers for that, but i understand that they couldn’t fit it in. We do miss him escorting Louis out of the BAM though, and also saying he’ll eat Louis if he comes back. That said, I don’t know how Louis gets back...I guess Free drives him back still but we just don’t see it

The Riz and Legosi fight has Riz getting the idea of eating Legosi in his head now that was seemingly missing before. In the manga he was thinking about how he’d become friends with Legosi by eating him, and that never came up in the anime until kinda now. Like I said before it’s an interesting part of Riz’s character so i’m glad it’s touched on a bit at least.

The moth scene is just as confusing here as it was in the manga...and without explanation or confirmation that it’s imaginary chimera (a part of the manga plot that was completely dropped), it just seems like...something. We don’t have Moth-san talking to Riz here or him questioning what he’s seeing so...it could be seen as purely metaphorical but it still remains a mystery (and just like in the manga it accomplishes nothing here cuz Riz just gets up and wails on Legosi) It looks fucking cool though! Word of Power: Respect for Life! It’s all one shot here, so we see every wound inflicted on Legosi, which is only a few slams. In the manga it’s implied he endured way more. That just follows the pattern of the anime, though, where violence is toned way the hell down. I’m not complaining, though. I don’t want to see Legosi hurt...

I knew what i was seeing when it was in motion, but damn does it look fucking good! Orange really is showing how to do CG right by properly stretching models for intense movements and actions! They’ve done this subtly before but here it’s very clear, but not distractedly so (unless you pause frame by frame) However, I still do think the models look a bit stiff when just...like...walking normally sometimes. Like we have this great fight animation but then Riz picks Legosi up and drags him a bit and he looks...off. Ah well

The whole bit about Legosi exposing his stomach doesn’t have the subtleties explained here...and really the anime leaves out a lot of character thinking but i think if they left it in it’d be a bit too hammy and crowded, so it’s fine that they cut it out. But still...tell me more pose isn’t as funny here :(

Legosi’s voice acting shines again here. He sounds really fucking hurt...

The moon cut and then them laying together is nice. Also i do like how there hasn’t been music up until this point at all. Riz talking about everything is nice too...I don’t remember him saying he feels like he could cry in the manga, due to him not remembering anything about Tem but his taste.

Legosi says: “I almost went through the same thing Riz did. If someone hadn’t snapped me out of it, my love for Haru might have made me eat her.” I recall he says something similar in the manga too...but like the only time he ever got close to eating her is when he didn’t know who she was. It really doesn’t seem like the same thing at all...it ties back into Legosi really seeming to have a really firm grasp on everything, all things considered, and he’s just selling himself short. I guess he could also be talking generally but really, he never had a moment where he wanted to eat her again after that first night. And the “someone” who snapped him out of it...Zoe???? Like, I’m just a bit puzzled on this part. I think what it really is is a reference to what he says to Louis later, how he’s the one that guided him and ensured that he is the way he is. Ensured that he did so well to begin with. Like, writing it out like that makes sense, but I guess I’m taking the words too literally.

Anyway, was typing my thoughts out there. I don’t think it’s entirely clear that Louis’s influence is what caused Legosi not to eat Haru after they started spending time together, but if Legosi says that’s what it was, that’s what it was. I felt that Louis’s guidance for Legosi was more about him accepting himself as a carnivore and using his abilities for what he believes in instead of thinking he can only do harm with them...not about controlling his meat eating instincts. I guess it kinda goes hand in hand. Anyway

The hand touch is, well, touching like it was in the manga, however Riz firmly regrasping Legosi’s hand to hoist him up and continue fighting and Legosi sounding surprised isn’t what i pictured. In the manga i saw it more as Riz slowly doing it and Legosi just being too weak to do anything about it. Riz has the advantage, so he can afford to make the action slow and deliberate

Ok here’s where things get interesting. Louis’s appearance is entirely different in the anime, whereas in the manga he appears behind Riz while Legosi is talking to him, with Legosi spotting him and using a distraction to escape with him. HERE!!! Louis actively stops Riz from attacking Legosi again, clearly out of breath as he ran all the way there, but he still has the mind to appear cool and collected and make a lil quip that pisses Riz off. And then when Riz charges him Louis is just walking calmly toward him like!

Like yeah, he does stop and react a bit, but he sees Legosi coming up to stop him so I suppose that’s why he stands his ground (honestly though was he gonna pull his gun? Did he have a plan? I feel like he just got there without one, which makes sense. He just had to stop what was happening no matter what)

And Legosi ragdolls Riz aside to protect Louis. Love wins

Pina scene is the same here. Although previously we didn’t get his thoughts about how he never wanted to get involved with carnivores ever again cuz of these two, but that ties into the whole “anime doesn’t say every single thought that’s in a character’s head like in the manga” thing. I think it’s interesting that they even bother showing him retrieving his phone from the trash bin, since he could have easily just got it from his pocket but it shows that Riz was smart enough to take it away from him (but not smart enough to destroy it or chuck it somewhere or hide it where Pina couldn’t see)

The next scene with Legosi and Louis up on the outcropping..Legosi mentions how this is his last New Year’s. He’s more convinced he’s gonna die than it seems in the manga (although depends on the subs i guess) The part where Riz is looking up while Legosi is talking about their fight to Louis...i never knew if he was supposed to be hearing that or not, here or in the manga. I guess it’s up to interpretation.

Legosi delivering this line in the manga: determined, stoic

Legosi delivering this line in the anime: clearly in love

we finally get one of these scenes for Louis! Season 1 had a few of these for Legosi and Haru when they had moments where they were deep in thought about the other. I thought that Louis’s would have been in his initial meetup with Legosi in the manga, but that scene got cut. It’s cool that they put his here, though! Also correct me if I’m wrong but I think this is the only shot like this in season 2

When Louis’s theme starts here when he’s acting strong, trying not to cry, I thought it’d slowly start to break down as he did and transition into a new track but it just kinda...keeps going. It sounds like a more somber, shaky version at the very least but I think the music at this part is a bit lacking...thankfully the animation and Louis’s voice acting more than make up for it

Boy, does Louis really cry. I’m glad they let him let loose like that but the bad thing about seeing it animated is...they don’t hug! I always wanted a hug here...one that Louis fully embraces unlike the earlier one on the balcony. It makes sense the Legosi doesn’t try to do anything and is taken aback, of course, but damn...and considering how Louis is treated later and at the end of the series...it stings a lot

Idk what to say about this scene...it’s done so well. Louis having his internal monologue, talking to Legosi...Legosi looking so damn guilty that he wants to go back and fight...the transition to the foot reveal...it’s all so good

A change here in the anime...Louis is a lot more steadfast. He offers his foot and is like, completely at peace with it. In the manga he’s still shaking and his expressions are like, more unsure, but here he seems a lot more convinced that it’s what he has to do

jeez

Legosi’s thoughts about how eating his leg feels almost ritualistic and it actually makes him desire and hunger for it is gone...which like, idk why it is. We just hear Legosi say that he wants to but we don’t feel it (we do see his lips pull back and reveal his teeth tho)

Enter: Buffgosi. This happens in the manga but since Legosi’s model is so much smaller in the anime it seems like a much more drastic difference.

intimate...

Legosi doesn’t apologize for not being able to stop growling, but it seems like they did a lot to remove any humor Paru put into these scenes. I guess it doesn’t work that well in one continuous scene vs. chapters broken up by weeks

Louis’s funny deadpool moment is changed with him just...telling Legosi to be a hero again. Guess he really likes that line. The way it’s delivered really feels like a video game, like Legosi is recovering from a hit and Louis pops in to heal him with some words

Seriously, Louis just keeps making this face...after an entire season of being super serious and stone faced he’s looking softer

the Riz and Tem story isn’t changed at all, and can still be read as either romantic or platonic. Seeing it in motion makes it hit harder though, for sure

Legosi still wishes Riz a happy new year here. He seems a lot happier here than in the manga. Also Louis doesn’t berate him for it, instead opting to speak up and talk to Riz here after hearing about his heartbreak. He does it without the pressure of the cops being there, and it truly shows that he really does like carnivores and sympathizes with their struggles now.

Yeah, so the cop scene is gone, which kinda condenses and cuts out a lot (including Pina’s small appearance) but I kinda like it better. It allows all the characters to breathe. Legosi thanks Louis naturally for the meal, and Louis telling Legosi to wipe his face is done in a friendly, joking manner...it just all feels a lot softer and friendlier without the cops being there making it all fucked. Just like in real life

THERE IT IS THERE IT FUCKING IS THEY EVEN GAVE LOUIS HIS LIL SMIRK AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

god i keep tearing up around these parts IT’S BEEN ALMOST 2 HOURS SINCE I STARTED MAKING THIS POST GOOD FUCKING LORD

I kinda thought they might put the aftermath in a sort of credits scene, and i think it works, even if it does pave over some important stuff

god it’s just so validating to see Legosi care for Louis and Haru equally. Like we all know it’s the case but they’re both dear to him

Now this is a far departure from his thoughts in the manga. I suppose it only fits with the ending of the season to make it more optimistic, but we skip the while “you can’t marry an herbivore cuz of your record” thing...but here he still cherishes it in a way. Very interesting. Wonder if they’ll backpedal on it in season 3

Legosi actually tells Haru he’s dropping out here too! He still does in the manga but it seems more abrupt there, like he already did drop out and then goes to tell her instead of telling her before he does. He’s also not suffering through his meat withdrawal here like he was in the manga at this scene (or at least the manga’s counterpart at Haru’s house)

The ending convo mirrors what Haru says to him in that scene too. It’s a funny way to leave off on the season without a stinger or anything. It just kinda makes the audience question their relationship (and now that Lougosi is pumping through everyone’s veins...hehehhehehe)

uh, well, anyway, i kinda wasted all of my time off after work writing this so...i hope you enjoyed it? Not gonna get one of these for a while...i know at least some of you like them

Also...what the hell was the extra “broadcast only” scene??????

Well, anyway, I hope you all have a good day, night, whatever, wherever you are. And remember: Legosi and Louis are in love

#ok this is long #this is kind of my love letter to the series too almost #this is the definite high point of the story and it delivered #lougosi always and forever

[meetmeatthecoda]

Lately, I've found myself drawn to stories ( and I mean drawn to as in envisioning those stories in my head, thinking them through to the very last detail, not reading, let alone writing them down, because I've long since accepted that they will never turn out quite the same on the paper ) where Red is the one who'd been seriously hurt and, therefore, rendered unconscious for an indefinite amount of time and worried Liz is the one who doesn't leave his side, hoping and praying and pleading that he would wake up. Probably, something that has to do with how unfair it is that we've seen Red keep vigil by hurt!Lizzy's side – playing music for her, holding her hand, reading to her etc. – a number of times and yet, over the course of 8 seasons, never have ever been allowed the pleasure of seeing Liz do the same for him ( not even when he was shot – because she left to retrieve the Fulcrum and couldn't come back until the fight was over – or when he was poisoned – because she'd been waiting to be cleared to see him and he ran away the moment he wasn't actively dying, because that's Red for you all ), even though she loves and cares about him as much as he loves and cares about her.

I mean, just imagine the possibilities!

Liz pacing around the waiting area of Red's mobile hospital while he's in surgery, unable to think about anything else other than how he looked – battered and broken and barely alive – when they've found him and how his head rested in her lap ( she could almost convince herself that he was merely dozing, if he wasn't so deathly pale and still and there wasn't so much blood on his clothes and her clothes and her hands and the backseat of the car ) and his hand was limp in her death grip as they rushed him to his doctors and she whispered words of reassurance and encouragement to him even though she knew he couldn't hear her and how she had to fight the instinct to curl around her lover and snarl at anyone who would come close because she can't let him be hurt further as the medics took him away from her, exchanging observations and orders that didn't sound particularly reassuring. She's also acutely aware of the fact that Red is fighting for his life – there, just a few feet away from her – and, though he's the strongest man she's ever known, he may not win, and so she makes a promise to the empty air in front of her that she will kill him herself if he dares to give up on her and Agnes like that now, when they've just reached the good, right place in their relationship, just confesses their feelings to each other. At some point, Dembe most certainly pulls Liz in for a hug, letting her cry in his shoulder, doing his best to comfort her ( even though there's nothing that can bring her more comfort than Red's hug, when he – alive and whole – wraps his arms protectively around her and holds her close and lets her hide from the whole world in his arms, his chest, his shoulder and neck – wherever she prefers to burrow her face at the time – and the memory itself makes her cry harder, because there's a possibility that he will never hug her like that again ), even though he's just as worried and scared as she is, and Mr Kaplan helps Liz clean up, washing away Red's blood from her hands and producing seemingly out of the thin air fresh clothes for her to change into.

Red, of course, pulls through the surgery, beating all odds, and Liz's heart floods with relief at the good news before sinking when the doctor explains to her and Dembe and Mr Kaplan the extent of Red's injuries and that it's impossible to say when – or even if – he wakes up.

And so the waiting game begins. Liz doesn't leave Red's side, holding his hand, stroking his knuckles with her thumb and never letting go, constantly talking to him and reading to him and even asking Dembe to bring the record player and some records from the Bethesda apartment to play to him, hoping that it would elicit some kind of response from him. Yet, as they days go by, there's not a single, smallest sign that he's aware of anything that's going on around him, that he's still there somewhere and is trying to find his way back to her, to them – he doesn't stir, doesn't so much as flutter his eyelashes, and Liz grows more desperate with each passing day, even though the doctor assures her that Red's slowly but surely improving ( but she can't see it with her own eyes, and if she can't see it, she's less likely to believe it, the more time passes with him just lying there, undisturbed by the loud, chaotic world around him ).

And then there's Agnes... While Liz keeps vigil at Red's bedside, the babysitting duties are split equally between Aram and Samar, Charlene and Cooper, Ressler and Audrey and Dembe and Mr Kaplan. Yet more often than not whoever picks little Agnes up from school and / or her ballet classes brings her over to the safe-house where Liz and Red are. She doesn't seem to be as unnerved by Red's state as her mommy is, climbing on his bed each time she visits ( after giving her mommy the biggest hug, of course ) and leaning in close to him, examining his face thoughtfully before half-asking, half-stating "He's still tired, mommy?". And Liz usually replies with a hoarse "Yes, baby" because she doesn't trust herself not to get choked up if she tries to answer more eloquently. Agnes simply nods then, satisfied with the explanation why he hasn't woken up yet, and settles against Red's side – mindful of his injuries and the spider web of wires and tubes connecting him to all sorts of monitors and machines – and either naps ( especially, on ballet classes days ) or tells her mommy and Red ( she talks to him just like Liz does much too easily – promising him to show him the new moves she's learnt when he wakes up etc. – as if she's already done that before or seen anyone else do that... unbeknownst to Liz, she did both – when Liz herself was in a coma, Agnes both saw Red talk to her mommy and was encouraged by him to talk to her, too, because it may help her mommy sleep easier and maybe she'll get better sooner and finally wake up ) about her day or does her homework or draws ( more often than not, she draws either cards for Red to read when he wakes up or just things she wants him to see ). And when the time comes for her to leave, she always kisses Red on the cheek, wishing him "sweet dreams" and to get better soon, and then gives her mommy, who tries so very hard not to tear up but fails miserably, a hug and a kiss, too, and tells her frequently that she shouldn't cry because Red is just too tired, just like she – Liz – once was, and that he just needs to sleep a bit more.

And when the door behind Agnes closes and Liz is sure her daughter won't see / hear her, she breaks down hard, in big, ugly sobs, because her little girl shouldn't be acting so naturally in this kind of situation and because she wishes so hard that Red just woke up, because she can't do this, any of this, without him.

In the end, once his body has healed itself enough and he regained enough of his strength, Red, of course, does wake up. It's a slow process, and Liz thinks she might either faint or go mad from the overwhelming feelings that are swirling inside of her when Red moves for the first time in what seems to her like forever – squeezing her hand feather-lightly – and when he leans slightly, unconsciously into her touch when she strokes his cheek – out of habit, without even expecting any sort of reaction from him and being pleasantly surprised – and when he opens his eyes for the first time – it's a brief occurrence, with his eyes slipping shut tiredly again after just a few moments, and he's still pretty much out of it, apparently, not even noticing her presence by his side, but for Liz it's a major event – and when he finally, finally looks directly at her – alive and conscious and alert – and calls her "Lizzy". He's still weak and his voice sounds terrible and Liz knows she shouldn't let all of her pent-up feelings – the fear and despair and frustration and love and relief and exhaustion – out on him like that – he's just woken up, after all – but she can't hold back the tears nor the jumbled mess of "thank you"s and "I love you"s and " "I've missed you"s and "I'm so so happy you're back" and "I was so worried" and "Don't ever scare me like that again" that spills from her lips as she leans in to kiss him lightly and give him the gentlest of hugs...

(Since I'm not a ficwriter and, therefore, have no intentions of using this pile of ideas/images/feelings myself, I wouldn't mind at all if you or any other writer drew inspiration from this rambling of mine)

Ahhhhh 😭😭😭 Are you sure you're not a fic writer, anon?? Cause this reads like some quality hurt/comfort to me!! 🥲🥲 Honestly, this is a lovely scenario to imagine & it gives me a slightly bitter sense of satisfaction to think of Liz suffering through just a fraction of the time Red spent by her side while she was in her coma... especially if it's the catalyst for fEeLiNgS to emerge tee hee bc, you're RIGHT, we were woefully deprived of those situations in the show & I'll never not be sad about it tbh. More specifically, things I love the most about this in no particular order: Liz having to "fight the instinct to curl around her lover & snarl" *swoon*, Liz swearing she will kill him herself if he dies LMAO, Dembe hugging her for comfort & Mr. Kaplan helping her get cleaned up 🥺🥺🥺, Liz playing records for Red yasss, AGNES & everyone taking turns babysitting her while she misses her Daddy desperately but deals with the situation with a maturity & grace beyond her years in an effort to help her grieving Mommy through it cool cool mkay mkay, Liz only breaking down once Agnes leaves OWWW, anddddd Liz being a blubbering mess when Red finally wakes up & calls her "Lizzie" & they kiss *whispers* it's fine, i'm fine 🙃 IN CONCLUSION, I love this anon, thank you for sharing this lovely little AU with me!! 🥰 And much, much love to you, of course, my friend!! ❤️

#The Blacklist #Lizzington #Agnesgate #thoughts #headcanons #mine #ask #anon #ughhhhhhhh #this mini fic is packed with feels #and punched me right in the face #thank you for this gift anon #:') #much love!! #<3

[questionable-child]

Honestly I’m very bored right now so I might just do a FNF mod review right here and now. Just saying some of these I haven’t played because I only play the mods through unblocked games websites and some might not be on them. I have seen play throughs though.

FNF Minus Mod: 8/10 Very good! Pretty much it’s a mod where the characters are changed to look like their battle icons in the original game. Everyone looks super cool! My favorite redesigns are definitely Pico and Lemon Demon though. They made Pico a cool reptile person and he’s wearing a cute dinosaur hoodie! Lemon Demon looks actually intimidating, with long limbs that look static like a broken TV, and he wears a bloody straitjacket. My one complaint is that the songs are the same as the normal game, and I think it would be better if there were new songs to fit the new characters’ personalities. For example, Spookeez and South fit the Spooky Kids because they sound playful and, well, spooky. The new designs have Skid as a creepy ink monster and Pump as a puppet who’s being controlled (or being held captive) by Skid. I think that more intimidating songs would fit better, like maybe for the first song it sounds cheery and playful at the beginning, but gets more eerie as it goes on. Also, being able to change your character to Highlighter Dude is pretty cool, but it didn’t work for me.

FNF But Bad 9/10 I don’t really have any complaints with this one. It’s hilarious, and there is a lot of detail in it! The whole game has been redone to be absolutely horrible in every aspect. All the characters look like they were made in MS Paint, besides Senpai, whose whole week looks like the graphics were from an old NES. The voices for all the characters were redone too, so they sound absolutely ridiculous. Let me tell you, the first time I tried playing it I almost died from laughing at it. Maybe my humor is just broken, but from the backgrounds to the changed song and week names, this mod never fails to give me a good time.

FNF Starcatcher Mod 7/10 The best part of this mod by FAR is the character designs. There isn’t a single design in this mod that I don’t absolutely ADORE! Pico is a badass cyborg, the Mom and the Dad are aliens with new gorgeous outfits, Boyfriend has a cute little astronaut helmet, Girlfriend is also an alien but is also adorable, and honestly I have no idea what the Spooky Kids are supposed to be, but they look cute! The backgrounds are also sick. In Week 2, you can even see the Eyes of the Universe from Spooky Month in the background! My main issue though is the songs. They just aren’t my thing I guess. They’re actually remixes, but they’re barely recognizable. I didn’t even know they were remixes until I got to the good part at the end of Spookeez. (Which they made less good somehow??) They also made another song for week 2 called Sugar Rush, which is cool that they did, but I didn’t really like it either. As much as I love the designs, they aren’t everything and in the end, the music is the most important part of a FNF mod in my eyes.

FNF HD 6/10 This is the only mod on this list that I couldn’t play, but that’s fine. The mod is what the title implies, but it also has STORY! If you didn’t know, I have an insatiable desire to know every bit of story about my favorite games, so this mod having dialogue was a real treat…….at the start, at least. The mod itself is pretty much just the normal game, but with more detail in the art. I kind of prefer the normal game’s art though. It does have two new mechanics: 1. In week 3 Pico actually shoots at you in Blammed, and you have to click a note to dodge them or else you lose half your health, and 2. There are street lights that you have to dodge in M.I.L.F. I don’t really remember how you dodge those though. One small problem is that in M.I.L.F there is an annoying whistle sound that lets you know when to dodge the lights. I get that it’s necessary to let the player know, but it doesn’t sound good at all. In Blammed the gunshot sounds go with the song, you know? Now with the dialogue. It has it’s moments, but most of the time, it’s annoying, or over the top dirty for no reason, or even both. Week 4 is a prime example of all of these problems, but is even worse because it had some heartwarming potential. Both Girlfriend and Boyfriend are also kind of jerks, too. Girlfriend sends Pico to what she says is the Shadow Realm, but without suffering, so pretty much hell without the pain. The guy is messed up, sure, but maybe call the police so he can go to jail and be, like, alive? And she also says that Pico belongs to her? Is he her slave? That’s messed up, man! She also calls Skid and Pump “Freaks of nature” when they are literally CHILDREN, WHY DID YOU EVEN SAY THAT??? Speaking of the children, here’s a positive thing, the dialogue did make them even cuter somehow. Like, they already had 20/20 Head Pats on my cutest video game characters rankings but they made me wanna put em higher. And is it just me, or does Boyfriend talk about Girlfriend more like a carnival prize than a person? Here is a direct quote to prove my point. “Not so fast! You guys ain’t earn her like I did, she’s all mine!” I know there are other ones, but I don’t feel like treating my stupid mod reviews like Restate Answer Explanation Conclusion paragraphs, I like having fun, after all. Boyfriend’s dialogue sprite also look sort of weird. I don’t know what it is about them but they just do. Anyway I’m stopping because I am tired.

#fnf minus mod #fnf starcatcher #fnf hd #fnf but bad

[the-awkward-outlaw]

A New Adventure - Pt. 8

Okay, y’all I know I been super absent on this piece. It’s not for lack of desire or care, I promise! It’s because when I started this, I was planning on using activities I did over this summer to inspire this, but then covid happened and I been stuck in my house all summer. K, excuses over. This one is extra fluffy with a side serving of even more fluff, so enjoy! 

Masterlist

Read on AO3

Silver Lingings

Things have been different between you and Arthur. Since you told him some of your insecurities and he comforted you, things have been better. 

You’ve never been able to easily open up to people but with Arthur, it’s different. Perhaps it’s because he’s the first person who’s told you to your face that he cares. 

Arthur has been warmer towards you. Not that he wasn’t before. But he’s even moreso. 

One day you come home from the store. You’d offered him to come, but he said he wanted to stay home, take a shower maybe. 

You haul in the few sacks of groceries, remembering the one that has the refill on Arthur’s meds. 

You’ve been doing some research on TB lately, as a way to try and help Arthur in his recovery. It’s not pretty to know that even today, well over a million people die a year from the disease, and those who recover are permanently damaged, their lungs scarred. Not only that, they suffer bouts of symptoms even though they no longer have the disease. Along with those is the fact that their immune system is greatly damaged and they’re more prone to other infections. 

The moment you walk in, you hear whistling. Is that Arthur? It makes you smile. 

When you get into the kitchen, he walks over and takes the groceries from you. “Let me help ya, darlin’.” 

You blush at his nickname for you. How can he be so terrifying in the ways you’ve seen and even made him be in the game, and yet so sweet? He’s a complicated man, and unpredictable in the best ways. 

He continues to whistle as he helps you put things away, and then he grabs the boxes of meds. You hear him give a heavy sigh. 

It’s no secret that these medications have kicked his ass nearly as well as the disease itself. 

“You okay?” you ask.

“Yeah. Just… don’t like these things. But I guess they’re better than the alternative.” 

“I know. But hey, you’re halfway through. Only three more months.” 

Arthur turns to look at you and leans his back on the counter. “These medicines have side effects, right?” 

“Course. Pretty much every medication does. Why? You having some?”

He rubs the back of his neck, not looking at you. “Yeah. A few. Kind of… embarrassin’ though.” 

“Arthur, it’s fine. My mother’s a nurse. She’s been a nurse longer than I been alive. Trust me, after hearing the things she saw, none of it really phases me.” 

Arthur grunts and then tells you in vague details some of the things he’s dealing with. Tingling in his hands and feet, occasional joint pain, and then he mentions in an embarrassed way about how his body fluids have been colored more orange. 

“Those are common, Arthur. Unfortunately nothing we can really do for most of them. You haven’t been drinking alcohol, have you?” 

He grunts that he’s had a couple beers a week. 

“Well, no more. That’s one reason why your body fluids have been discolored. It’s your liver doing it. And for your joint pain? That can be fixed with tylenol.” 

After a few seconds, you add “You’ve been coughing less.” 

“Yeah,” he says softly. “Been havin’ less pain in my lungs too.” 

You can tell he’s a little put out by the discussion of his medical problems. 

“Arthur, let’s do something fun this week. Even though covid is still strong, some places are starting to open up. We just have to reserve a spot ahead of time.” 

“How do you do that?” he asks. 

“Easy. Just by tickets on the internet.” 

He grunts again and looks out the window. The internet, well, most electronic technology baffles him. You once caught him trying to literally pop your phone open to see what was inside. He’s been more gentle since you explained phones don’t open up unless you destroy them. 

“Maybe. But… ain’t there places we can go we don’t have to reserve a place?” 

“Sure,” you say. “There’s plenty of lakes and trails we can go on.” 

He immediately perks up when you say that. 

“Can we go to one of them places today?” 

“Sure,” you say. “I know a nice little place.” 

An hour later, you’re driving up one of the many canyons towards a place called Silver Lake near Brighton Ski Resort. 

Arthur’s a bit baffled by your explanation of skiing. Even though you’ve lived in Utah your whole life (which reportedly has the greatest snow on earth) you’ve never been skiing or snowboarding. But you do your best to explain them. 

Arthur’s mood greatly improves the further in the canyon you get. He loves how wild it is, even this close to the city. And the quiet. He loves it all. 

You laugh when he gets particularly excited about seeing a moose cow standing in the marshes of a beaver’s pond, a heron sauntering nearby. 

Because you know how unusual it is to see a moose, you pull over and roll down the windows so he can see. 

The smell coming from the forest is intoxicating. 

The drive to the lake is nearly an hour, and by the time you finally get there, Arthur’s smiling. It’s rather contagious. 

However you have to catch yourself when you see how happy he is. It just makes him all that much more handsome. You’ve been trying to be so careful not to fall for him. 

The air is nice and cool up here, a relieving reprieve from the triple degree heat down in the city. 

Arthur’s donned his leather hat and blue shirt for this walk. It looks great out here and even though there’s some people, no one will think anything of his outfit.

The hike around the lake is very easy and is a good hour walk if you take your time. Perfect for Arthur as it won’t irritate his lungs. 

The path lies right against the shores of the lake, which is not any larger than lake Owanjilla in the game, and also quite shallow. 

As you walk along the boardwalk on the marshy end of the lake, Arthur stops and looks over the railing. There, you can both easily see minnows hiding in the reeds. 

Once you hit the trees, Arthur looks around. There’s no one around. 

He shocks you by taking your hand in his and just holding it as you both walk. You can’t help but smile up at him. 

At the halfway point of the lake, there is a bench on the trail. It has a great lookout on the lake and you can even see Mickey Mouse mountain, a curious mountain with a permanent bald spot that forms the shape of the famous mouse’s head. 

You and Arthur sit on the bench and say nothing. There is nothing that needs to be said here at this moment. It’s so quiet and calm, to say anything would spoil it. 

Arthur unleashes your hand, to which you feel sad about. You’d really been enjoying it. 

Then he surprises you. He feins scratching the back of his neck and then his arm drapes along the back of the bench behind you. 

It’s getting harder and harder to control yourself around him, and you find that you’re really not wanting to anymore. 

With the encouragement of the solitude and Arthur’s arm draped behind you, it’s not long before you’re leaning into his side and resting your head on his shoulder. 

Only seconds after you get into this position, you feel Arthur’s arm winding around you. 

Is this real? Are you cuddling with Arthur Morgan? The Arthur Morgan? 

It feels real, and it feels right. 

Just as you’re beginning to truly appreciate the beauty of the lake and the forest, Arthur speaks up. 

“I was afraid places like this wouldn’t be around anymore.” 

“How do you mean?” 

“Well, in that city. It’s so big and loud and… unnatural. Mostly big though. I was beginning to think man had truly driven any kind of wildness out.” 

“Well, we mostly have. But we also know the value of places like this. If we destroy them, we destroy ourselves.” 

Arthur sighs and falls silent for a moment. When he speaks up again, he takes you off guard. 

“Thank you, darlin’. For bringin’ me here. This is the best kind of medication.” 

You look up at him and are about to say “you’re welcome” when you’re stopped by his smile, the light in his eyes. That’s one thing the game failed to do despite being so detailed and lifelike. It failed to capture how truly beautiful and alive his eyes are. 

Just as you’re about to speak, Arthur closes the few inches between your faces and places his lips on yours. 

To say your heart stops is an understatement. How long have you thought of doing this with him? Much longer than you’ve known him, that’s for sure. 

His lips are better than you could have ever imagined. They’re not chapped (though that might be because you introduced him to chapstick), but warm and alive. Your hand leaves his knee and slides up his chest and to his neck. 

His free hand does the same, gently settling on your back to bring you closer. 

After a few seconds, Arthur pulls away. “Sorry, darlin’. That was… unwarranted.” 

You blush and smile. “Arthur, did it feel like I didn’t want it?” 

He smiles back. “Then… would you mind for a second?” 

You answer him by bringing your lips right back to his. This one is more fervent, more sure. 

It’s during this kiss you really begin to appreciate him, his body. How he feels, how he smells. 

Though a lot of his wild scent has been tamed by your home, he still holds onto some of it. That hint of leather, gun powder, tobacco. It’s like it’s been ingrained into his very skin. 

You don’t know it, but Arthur is appreciating the way you smell and feel too. 

He’s longed to feel you pressed against him like this since not long after he first met you. Oh, how he wished to do something like this with you during that earthquake. 

When he’d held you in his arms that night, oh it had felt so right, so pure. So good that he knew he didn’t deserve it. 

But this. Kissing you, holding you, bathed in the shade and the perfume of the pines. It’s beyond perfect. 

He doesn’t care that he thinks he’s too bad of a man for someone as good and kind as you. He just wants to revel in this moment. 

You’re both still deep in the kiss when you hear voices approaching from down the trail, and some of them belong to children. 

The two of you quickly break apart, but not before the man in the family sees you both smooching. 

He gives you both a hearty wink while the mother looks rather disapproving as they pass. 

You can’t help but smile as you blush, still nestled in Arthur’s arm. 

He rubs your back soothingly while the family passes. 

After a short while, the two of you decide it’s time to head back to the car and go home. 

Arthur holds your hand every second, and even sometimes brings your hand to his lips. 

Towards the end of the walk, the boardwalk allows people to walk out to nearly the center of the lake to either fish or look down into the water. 

You and Arthur head down it, finding yourselves alone on the planks though people can be seen on the trail still. 

Once there, Arthur takes you in his arms and kisses you again. This surprises you as you always took him to be a very private man who was not a fan of pdo. 

However, he doesn’t seem to care in this moment. Neither do you, so you loop your arms around his neck and press yourself into the kiss. 

Arthur chuckles when the kiss ends. “Sorry, had to do that. The sun hit your hair, made it so pretty. Just… had to kiss ya.” 

You smile and kiss the tip of his nose. “You can kiss me any time you want, Mr. Morgan.”

#arthur morgan #arthur morgan x female reader #red dead fanfic #a new adventure #i'm awkward

[rubykgrant]

That last re-make of Carrie was... kinda waek, honestly (and I don’t just mean that in a “the original is always the best!” kinda way, because sometimes they really aren’t). I think it fell into too many motions that a lot of horror movies take, and it wound up feeling like basically any other creepy movie in recent years. Even that might not be so bad, but it also kinda missed some important points of the story; Carrie didn’t feel as “rejected” as the book and first movie depicts her to be, and that is SUPER important, not because it somehow shows that “Carrie was evil and finally snapped!” or “All these kids were evil and deserved to die!” (that is just too close to the “serial killers were all bullied, boo-hoo” excuse, and also “get back at your bullies by hurting them” mentality... and just, no). 

The point of how horribly Carrie is treated is THESE ARE ALL KIDS. The adults around them have been seeing horrible behavior going on for YEARS, many neighbors have seen Carrie being physically and emotionally hurt by her mother, and none of them do much at all. There is even a moment at the prom when Carrie feels like she could maybe finally let go of the hurt she’s been feeling, and the other kids are thinking that they actually regret the awful things they’ve done, and then... the bucket. Carrie needed help, and the other kids needed to actually be guided before things were too late. However, that isn’t what happened. The cruelty had become so casual, it had cut very deep, and it was already too late on the day of the shower incident (though, if I were to really blame any characters; Carrie’s mother Margaret was definitely at fault. then there was Chris and her boyfriend. those 3, more than anything or anybody else, wound up killing Carrie and everybody at the prom). I guess my point is, it is a double-tragedy; Carrie suffered, and then people died. 

None of them should have. Sue sees this, but because she’s just a teenager too, she doesn’t realize the depth and meaning of it until the end. She does understand that she hates herself for being so pointlessly mean to Carrie, and she wants to fix it. Not just apologize, but FIX it, so Carrie won’t feel like that anymore. If it wasn’t for Margaret White tormenting her daughter, and the little couple with their bucket, perhaps it would have worked. The first death, the first person who is killed, is NOT a victim of Carrie; it is Tommy Ross, Sue’s boyfriend who takes Carrie to the prom. The bucket falls, hits him on the head, and that is it. If Carrie had not been somebody with telekinetic powers, the prom still would have been a tragedy. All because one teenager in particular was mad that she couldn’t keep on bullying people and get away with it. Because these KIDS NEEDED HELP, AND TO BE STOPPED. The horrible bullying that falls on Carrie is important to the story, because shortly after, most of the girls seem “normal”. They are awkward and even a little sorry. They don’t want to admit that they have something ugly inside them that made them do that. It is important to see how bad that is, and ALSO how these are mostly just regular kids; this is something we might have to see in ourselves.

Also, just a personal dislike I have for the re-make; it has Carrie move her arms around when she uses her powers, and I guess they figured this would look cool, but there is a lot of emphasis in the previous and original sources that Carrie is discovering a new kind of “muscle”, she is essentially “flexing her brain”. It is incredibly draining for her to do, and it also burns through energy in her body even though she doesn’t appear to be moving or doing much. Having her move her arms around makes it more of a physical action, and it just kinda bothers me.

I bring all this up because I’m re-reading Carrie, and it got me thinking about how the book has several “articles” included throughout the pages, combining with the narrative paragraphs, and it is an interesting concept. The articles (various versions of interviews of people who survived the incident or who knew Carrie, scientific studies, and speculations) imply a much bigger picture. The events of Carries prom has proven, within the world of the book, the psychic/mental abilities exist. Some people still doubt it, but there has been research done and “findings” that support the idea that Carrie was telekinetic. Most of these articles tell us what is going to happen in the story ahead of time, while the narrative explores the inner details of the characters. The articles let us know that yes, Carries has strange mental abilities, and lots of people have died connected to her powers. We get two kinds of “how” explanations.

None of the Carrie movies have included the research articles, he get the straight-forward story in the narrative (which is fine and makes sense, it is more clear that way for the movie). Since two movies already exist, I think if there was every another try at a re-make, it would be good to switch it up and explore this other angle. Create something that is almost like a documentary, perhaps even have “reenactments” of certain scenes. It would make the story feel like something that really happened, maybe even do the found-footage thing for some events (the stones falling on Carrie’s house when she’s little, a neighbor could have recirded that, but nobody thought the footage was real outside of the people who saw it). You’d get tricked into thinking this movie is just a documentary thing... but then the scenes change, and the movie REALLY starts, telling us the narrative as it usually is told (like, the first 20 minutes or so are the “documentary”, then it rolls into a regular movie). At the end, it shifts back to talking about the research and what-not. I just think that would be a cool, and slightly different, way to roll with it

#long post #my thoughts #carrie #carrie 1976 #carrie 2013 #horror movies #movies #books

[professoruber]

A swapped place in Sweet Jazz City Chapter 1: Masks and Faces (Epithet Erased Fanfiction)

Inspired by the Role Swap AU created by @spliinkles.

Synopsis: We all know the stories of Sweet Jazz City, people did things and other people reacted to those things. However what if places were switched? Banzai Captain Molly prepares for her first great heist while rambunctious twelve year old troublemaker Giovanni sneaks into a the Sweet Jazz Museum after hours.

Prologue: https://professoruber.tumblr.com/post/189820483268/epithet-erased-role-swap-au-fanfic-a-swapped

Chapter 1: You are here

==============================================================

Giovanni couldn’t believe it, real life criminal stood before him. He had a million questions to ask them and hoped they’d be impressed by the diabolical vandalism he has committed. Through his sheer joy he manages to get through a few words of excitement.

“Wow, criminals! Awesome!”

==================================================================================

Earlier that day….

==================================================================================

Detective Sylvester Ashling stood before the crime scene, analysing it with investigative genius mind. The crime had been committed without any alarms, the culprit or culprits having gotten in from cutting through the roof while somehow not alerting anyone or any security.

And while the good detective would never admit it, even he was mildly puzzled by this.

“So, what do you think detective?” questions the stressed gallery curator, who has been spending all their time since the robbery alternating between cooperating with police and apologising to wealthy patrons.

“Well it’s about time I was brought in to bring an end to this caper. Behold as I unleash the powerful mind of a master investigator” He answers dramatically, somewhat reassuring the curator.

He returned to considering the circumstances and events this this criminal act, all while absentmindedly swinging around his yoyo. The thieves in question got in from the roof, and by that he means burst through. The cracks are visible and it seems like they simply forced their way down by sheer weight pressure, something which would’ve logically caused much noise and alerted even the most asleep night guard. 

But security cameras showed all nightguards were doing their jobs, and neither security guards nor cameras recorded any unusual noises.

And then there were the teddy bears, these toys were left in place of these very expensive statues. They have already been taken in for examination but so far, no noticeable traces evidence could be found on them.

This is not the first time such an event has occurred. In past months alone there has been a variety of bear theme crimes, many committed in areas with high Banzai Blaster activity.

But as Sweet Jazz City’s most brilliant master detective, or at least that’s what he always called himself, Sylvie was sure he would get to the bottom of this in now time.

He gave a laugh which most definitely sounded awesome and showed his masterful genius and did not sound like clown laugher in anyway, which drew a few stares from others.

These criminals will rue the day they decided to commit crimes in the notice of Detective Sylvester Ashling.

==================================================================================

Dr Percival King stood admiring the fine exhibits of the prestigious Sweet Jazz Museum, honoured to be attendance of the fine work of noble historians. Truly there are few greater pursuits than that of knowledge, an ideal with Percy took to heart.

As a criminal psychologist her days consisted of long hours of analysing the sickening debauchery and vile criminal minds of her patients. Hers’ is a dangerous road yet she has chosen it nonetheless.

As she walks around examining these exhibits her attention is drawn to a tour group of children being led by two museum staff.

“Ah, I see that this museum makes sure to spread its knowledge to aspiring youths. Very excellent” she compliments to no one in particular as she was over to get a closer look.

The tour itself was fairly standard and admittedly lacklustre at time, however a notable occurrence was the information on the ‘Arsene Amulet’, a mysterious artefact capable of stealing Epithets.

Such an item would catch her attention both for her research into if a person’s Epithet affect their criminal capabilities as well as that such an item would likely come under threat of theft, and as such studying it would provide an excellent resource in delving into the dark motivation of criminals.

She respectfully waits for the tour to be finished and for the pair of museum curators to be free before approaching them.

Walking up to the young woman she believes was called Mera, Percy launches into introductions and explanations.

“Good day miss museum curator. I was hoping to discuss a hypothetical partnership with the Sweet Jazz Museum in order to further my research into the minds of the criminal element”

The museum guard in question looked caught off guard “Wait… what are you talking about? Who even are you kid?”

Percy looks somewhat embarrassed at her own forgetfulness “Uh of course. I apologise, I have not introduced myself. I am Dr Percival King, criminal psychologist residing in Sweet Jazz City” she explains matter of facty.

Mera meanwhile still looks confused and also doubtful “A psychologist? Really? Sure kid whatever you say, now did you need something”

“I can assure you I am a registered psychologist, as impersonating a professional would be a severe offence” As Percy hands Mera her business card and qualifications, she briefly notes Mera had a nervous reaction to the mention of impersonation.

Suddenly the other tour guide bursts into the scene and shouts “Greetings apprentice Mera and teenager I have never met!” He catches sight of Percy’s qualifications causing his eyes to go wide “Ah a psychologist I see. Greetings Dr Percival King, I am Indus Tarbella, the man whose Epithet is BARRIER!” He suddenly proudly shouts and flexes as his sentence finishes while he also shows off his barrier.

Percy merely nods in greeting “It is a pleasure. With your permission I seek to extend my research to that of the Arsene Amulet which I heard will be displayed in the Museum”

Mera looked startled at the mention of the Amulet, but kept her cool mostly “Uh… look ‘Dr King’, as much as we’d LOVE to assist in growing your bright young mind, I am afraid that we will be much too busy tonight with… museum work… for any ‘psychology research’ to be done”

Indus looks saddened by these works but nonetheless agrees “Indeed my apprentice speaks truthfully. Are work will take us to great lengths in the coming nights, am I am afraid we must tearfully stand in the way of your quest of knowledge”

Percy was disappointment but not upset “I understand, please allow me leave my details with you before I take my leave. And with that I bid you both good luck in dealing with the inevitable assaults on the sanctity of learning by the many vicious thieves who will no doubt be on their way here”   

Despite the sincerity and non-accusing nature of Percy’s words, it still causes a great deal of alarm in Mera, who begins waving her arms around in a panic “Thieves? Who said anything about thieves? What do know kid!” Her tone shifts rapidly from fear to accusing and back around again. Causing Indus to come in to comfort her and calm her down.

Percy takes some moments to analyse Mera’s reaction but otherwise seems unperturbed by the outburst.

“I apologise for my lack of explanation, I simply assumed you were already aware. As someone who has studied criminal psychology for a number of years now, I have come to find an understanding and pattern to their actions. An artefact such as the Arsene Amulet being placed in a museum would attract many opportunists and scalawags seeking the notoriety and validation that such a theft would be assumed to entail, of course their broken vile minds are unable to comprehend that crime leads to nothing but suffer, but I digress. With crime rate increasing and many of my disenfranchised troubled peers flock to criminal dens of debauchery such as the Banzai Blaster”

Percy looks to her personal belongings “it is for those reasons why I always carry this” she begins to motion to a real ass goddamn sword which she is carrying, causing another startled reaction from Mera and a look of amazement from Indus.

“Is that...?” Indus asks with a tone of wonder. Percy nods and confirms “Indeed it is. But do not be alarmed, I assure you on my honour as a psychologist that I am both fully trained and licenced to wield such a weapon and am prepared to only use it for the purpose of self-defence”

Indus and Mera both stare at her for a while, Indus is the one to break the silence with a request “Please remain here young psychologist, while me and my apprentice talk over there”

Both Indus and Mera scuttle off to a corner to talk, while Percy stands there politely waiting. After a while they return.

“So… look here’s the deal kid. We thought about it and with all these threats of thieves and stuff around, it might not hurt to have another ear in the museum. Just so long as you stay in the offices while we’re busy” says Mera, to which Indus smiles which prompts Mera herself to give a small smile.

Indus pats Percy on the back “It is our honour to support the troubles of a young scholar such as yourself”

Percy has a look of gratitude “As a fellow academic I thank you. And you have my word that I go over my research away from your work while you are busy. And also, that I will make sure to report any suspicious behaviour to you”

==================================================================================

Meanwhile across town Molly had just finished stocking the last of the shelves with the new toys she had made. Her face plastered with false joy for the sake of the annoying customers which just love to continually interrupt her stocking with obvious and meaningless questioning.

“Right over there, sir” “No need to worry sir” “What can I for you sir” “Sorry sir those coupons are for other competitors” “I’m sorry we failed to meet your satisfaction sir”

These are some of the phrases she has trained herself to repeat without thinking since she was ten. Even if her main job was filling her dad’s place as the toymaker, she did still have to deal with customers often, and Lorelai just loved every chance to outsource her own work to Molly.

False smiles and resisting the urge to hit people who deserve it so much has been Molly’s life. She would’ve gotten crazy by now if she didn’t get a chance to be herself around her friends, and by friends she means fellow criminals.

Stocking the last shelf, Molly proceeds to make her way to the counter, stopping several times to deal with customer, all while she retained the same level of faux cheerfulness that is expected of those in retail. She walked steadily forward in the heels she swapped out her working boots for, as her mother has always made sure Molly knew to keep up appearances when in working among customers.

“All selves are done Lorelai and my shift is over. I’ll just be clocking out and heading back to my apartment to get ready for night school now” Molly doesn’t wait for her sister’s response and instead simply takes her leave, clocking out and letting another staff member know just in case Lorelai wasn’t paying attention. With their mum still probably off discussing business deals across town, it would be up to the hired staff to keep an eye on Lorelai for the night, Molly gave a silent prayer for their continued relative sanity.

She takes off her apron and places it in a small back closet of the store and continues outside in her simple green dress after having her nametag placed in her bag, nothing about her would make her stand out but anything other than a normal woman. The special devices for the heist which she has made on the side were store safely to be ‘collected’ later. Having to juggle her legitimate and illegitimate work was tough but her first job as a Banzai Captain was worth it.

Making sure to get to the bus stop before it gets too dark, she rushed to the nearby bus stop just in time to catch the next one to her apartment.

She sits down and crosses her legs, looking like just any other passenger. And just like any other passenger gets up and calmly walks from the bus and to her stop when it is called.

The rest of the walk to her apartment is simple as she wears a mask, the mask which she has trained herself to wear for almost a decade. Token girlish giggles at compliments and flirts, smile at passersby, one foot forward at a time. Her mum had always ‘encouraged’ her to act as expected and in public nothing about Molly Blyndeff deviated from what one might expect a young woman in both life in the retail world would act.

She buzzed into the apartment complex, waving and smiling at any of her neighbours who by chance were also out and about across the building, even the rude ones. She gave a final token giggle and “Thank you” to the older lady who lived down the hall who had just told her that the heels she wears everyday look particularly nice tonight. She didn’t have anything against the old lady and she did seem perfectly nice to Molly, it’s just that Molly just barely had the energy to deal with anyone after work.

Entering her room with a smile which immediately dissolves the moment the door is shut, Molly collapses into her small bed. Finally feeling the effects of all the energy, she has expended across the day in wearing her mask.

 She just lays there for a while. Not moving. This is one of the few places she can still act herself, its why she worked so hard to get this tiny one room apartment, with the only attachment being a small walk-in closet sized washing room.

Getting up slowly she squeezes into the washing room and splashes some cold water on her face before taking off her dress in favour of some jeans and a purple singlet along with her favourite woolly jacket pulled over it. A cute mildly bear themed head band is snuggled into place among her hair as she takes out her retail heels in favour of criminal sneakers.

Going through her possessions to make sure tonight would go according to her plans, her eyes briefly falling to the smudged-up picture of her family, back when her dad was still alive.

It had been cried on, torn apart and put together again dozens of times and the damage showed, yet despite all this it was one of the few things Molly could see with complete clarity. 

In the picture her dad was alive and holding her mum’s hand. Molly and her young sister both stood between them and Molly had a genuine real smile on her lips, a rarity as the years went on.

“I’m sorry…” she said, and unlike her trained response to customers, this apology came from somewhere else.

Sighing, Molly tucked the photo deep under her clothes, out of sight and out of mind.

What happened all those years ago is irrelevant, all that mattered to Molly tonight was the heist. Night school had simply been a cover for her work with the Banzai Blasters, once Molly may have been uncomfortable with the lies but in the tightly controlled Blyndeff Household she quickly realised that it was the only way to survive.

Refreshed and ready for the night, Molly flashes a wicked grin as she got her bear claws, a literal bear life hand attached to a stick which she can use for self-defence if need be. As well as her pair of hand claws for climbing. Stuffing them into her back for now to avoid unneeded attention.

From the moment she exited her room the mask re-established itself naturally. She walked down the halls, briefly stopping to make some polite small talk with the old lady down the hall due to Molly now having more energy to deal with people.

Soon she returned to her walk. Heading down the streets of the town and towards the building where her night class was allegedly taking place. Her mum’s frequent insistence on keeping up appearance even through tragedy plays through her mind, making her work with ease and an aura of normalcy.

The cute smile of the young woman would seem perfectly normal to those passing by her. And yet a small tint of a maniacal grin itched itself ever so slightly into it, as Molly prepared to take one more step towards freedom.

==================================================================================

Molly sat in the passenger seat of the van, her friend Sound Phoenix, real name Phoenicia Fleecity, sat in the driver’s street. Molly took a moment to look at herself in the small car mirror, her new Banzai Captain uniform and cape caused a real smile to come to her face.

She reminded herself that while in this yellow uniform she wasn’t Molly Blyndeff, the hardworking and cheerful daughter of a respected businesswoman, she was Bear Trap, dark hearted criminal and newly minted Banzai Captain.  

She still remembers the thrill of finding out about her promotion. Her old captain Gorou Shimizaki had been promoted to Banzai Vice Principal despite admittedly not being the most competent individual, thanks in large part due to Bear Trap’s role in the heist of several expensive statues.

Afterwards he took her aside and told her that as his first act as Banzai Vice Principal was stealing a bunch of donuts for himself. She wasn’t sure how that was relevant to her but then he also mentioned that while he was eating those donuts, he thought about all that she’s done to help him and recommended her promotion.

No matter her opinion on the abilities or intelligence of her old captain, she was undeniably thankful to him for that. Being a member of the Banzai Blasters was one of the few things which was truly hers. Rising up the ranks of this pyramid scheme was her way to freedom.

The van pulled up in a hidden spot near the museum, any noise which may have come from it having been muffled by Bear Trap’s Epithet.

Sound Phoenix was left behind in case of need of a speedy get away. The rest of the Banzai Blasters proceeded with their captain while making sure to stay within her noise cancelling field.

They kept the dark sidelines and eventually snuck to the back wall of the building. Molly’s hand claws were may specifically for this kind of obstacle. She had also made sure to use the time she was suppose to be making toys in order to craft several more hand claws for her minions, it was hard but worth it.

The team of thieves proceeded up the wall and using a map they had found online of the semantics of the museum, they walked over to the entrance area, deeming it the best place to begin their search for valuable items to steal and be most alert of any potential dangers.

Sawing a hole in the roof took some time but Bear Trap’s epithet made it so no one could hear it happen. After several silent moments it was done and carefully placed out of the way as they begin lowering themselves with a rope.

Night Fright, also known as Molly’s friend Trixie Roughhouse, remained on the roof to keep watch of any potential dangers.

The rest of the Banzai Blasters entered the Museum along with their leader.

“Alright girls. This is the Sweet Jazz Museum. Now all that’s left to do is stick to my plan and commit all the crimes” she said with a wicked grin which was soon shared by her minions.

“Alright first let’s search this area…” Molly’s voice soon trails off as a young boy with a brush of pink hair atop his head suddenly popped out from behind a desk.

Her mind raced with panic as she rapidly pondered what this child was doing here this late. Where were his parents? Did they abandon him? Did he run away? Is he hurt? Will he yell for the staff? Are his parents the staff?

In her panic she barely noticed she had dropped her muffling bubble and now the silence which filled the room came only from the surprise and shock of those within.

She braced herself for the child’s screams which would no doubt begin once he realises that he’s alone at night with a group of dangerous criminals. She is about to move forward to silence the inevitable screams when to her renewed confusion his face begins shifting not into one of fear but into one of amazement and wonder.

“You’re, criminals! Awesome!” He said with a smile. Bear Trap…. No,… Molly paused in her place, unsure of how to respond to that.

#epithet erased #role swap au #molly blyndeff #slyvester ashling #giovanni potage #lorelai blyndeff #percival kng #indus tarbella #mera salamin #fan fiction #fanfiction

[jess-rewatches-prodigalson]

Episode 2: Annihilator

Here we go again. My thoughts with approximate time stamps for episode 2.

SPOILERS AHEAD

0:45 - I really wonder how he sanitizes that mouthguard. I mean he spits it onto the floor a lot. Also - being able to watch Tom Payne workout is a gift. 

1:15 - I feel you my dude. Rip up that affirmation. Some of them are more triggering than helpful. Also - he takes so many pills. :( 

1:46 - Why didn’t Gil ever have kids of his own??!? He’s SOOO good with them and this world needs more GOOD parents. 

2:25 - Poor Malcolm. Between his nightmares and his overbearing (but well-meaning) mother - he never gets a break. He somehow manages to look both exasperated and resigned in this scene. 

2:55 - The way Malcolm’s eyes light up at the mention of a murder is mildly concerning. 

3:04 - What was Malcolm writing here?!? Why was his note pad out?

3:30 - Shaky hand. :( 

3:50 - Bro you totally just sold yourself out. Mom definitely knows you’ve been seeing your dad now. 

5:08 - “Sometimes it’s just a tragedy to be endured.” I’ll be honest. This line resonates with me. Chills.

5:30 - “City boy.” First of all - love the nickname. It’s adorable. Secondly, I want the whole history of that nickname. Seriously - when did it start and why? 

6:00 - Gil’s relationship with Malcolm is truly a thing of wonder. He somehow manages to be kind, professional, and lighthearted with Malcolm while simultaneously exuding an air of concern. Plus there’s usually this look in Gil’s eyes when Malcolm tells Gil he’s fine. It’s a look that says “I can smell your lies kid but I’ll grill you about them later.”

6:15 - “Oh HELL no.” JT makes me smile almost every time he’s on screen. Also - Malcolm’s smile in this scene is hella manic. It’s very concerning.

7:35 - This interaction between Malcolm and Edrisa is very uncomfortable. The awkwardness of their early interactions is why I can never ship Maldrisa. It feels too much like a teenage girl crushing on her high school math teacher. It’s borderline creepy.

8:47 - Seriously? If he was too close to the body a minute ago he’s definitely too close right now. Also - the wires sewn into that man’s mouth are horrifying. 

9:40 - Dude. Why are you picking up an unknown phone call in the middle of a work meeting?!? If it’s not a family member (who knows you’re at work) do not pick up. If it’s important they’ll leave a message. 

9:47 - Better question is “How did you get my number?”. 

10:00 - The best part of this scene is how Gil looks at Malcolm while Malcolm is on the phone. The concern there is palpable.

10:07 - *sigh* that hand shake. Martin makes him so upset. 

10:20 - Martin always makes everything about him. It’s infuriating. Fathers shouldn’t do that. Especially when they’re talking to their children.

11:15 - That. Is. So. Screwed Up. 

11:50 - That’s not reassuring Malcolm. “They’re very poisonous.”

12:15 - This is why I have a hard time getting behind the “Malcolm is also a killer/he helped his Dad kill people” theories that some fans have. Look at how he treats Edrisa. Watch how concerned he looks. His eyes. You can’t fake that level of sincerity.

13:50 - JT has really nice arms. Like dang. Those are fine. 

14:28 - I’m sorry but last episode you flipped at the FBI board because your Dad is a sociopath not a psychopath....now he is a psychopath? Furthermore, you will never refer to him as a sociopath again (as of April 7/2020) so why was he a sociopath in the pilot!?!?

14:40 - Malcolm uses humour as a defence mechanism. Something about that makes me really sad. 

15:30 - Gil knows and Gil is concerned. I love this. 

15:50 - Mr.David needs a raise. I love how this scene really shows the second side of Martin though. The angry killer. The one who loses control.

17:00 - Dang. Liam’s kind of cute. 

17:30 - Very blunt Bright. Maybe not the best approach to break the news. But I get that you were trying to catch him off guard and see his reaction.

19:30 - Liam’s not that cute anymore. Don’t throw poisonous snakes at someone man. That’s not cool.

19:50 - So apparently there’s something wrong with me because watching Malcolm suffer from that snake bite warmed my cold, dead heart. I am a whump whore. 

20:50 - Poor Malcolm. He’s so disoriented. :(

21:35 - Gil. You don’t just have a guy in the ER. You have a son in the ER.

22:40 - The sibling interaction here is everything. It’s authentic. It’s sweet. It’s how real siblings who have been through trauma together act. I love everything about this scene. 

25:10 - This conversation is so interesting to me. Martin doesn’t deny that he did something to Malcolm. But he does deny drugging his son. Which really makes you wonder what happened to Malcolm as a kid. Because from Malcolm’s memories/flashbacks Martin did drug him. What else did Martin do to him? 

26:30 - Martin will say anything to keep Malcolm in the room with him. He’s desperate for company. Really makes you wonder how much of the truth we hear from Martin. How much of what he says is just fodder that Martin thinks will prolong a conversation?

26:40 - No. No. This I won’t believe. Martin didn’t love his children or his wife. If he did he wouldn’t still purposely be causing them emotional turmoil. 

28:20 - Gil’s concern for Malcolm just multiplied by about a million. Holy crap. So did mine. Malcolm looks positively manic here. I want to give him a hug.

29:00 - “You know that.” That line breaks my heart. It implies that Gil and Malcolm have had conversations about how hard it is for Malcolm to make and maintain friendships. 

29:07 - JT gives Malcolm a look here. You can tell that he cares about Bright. And he is so annoyed that Bright wormed his way into his heart.

30:30 - My mom has this theory that people should be forced to get a licence before having kids (to get this licence you must go through training and pass a psych eval). At this very moment I agree. Men like this dude shouldn’t be allowed to have children. 

32:00 - Why isn’t JT in this scene? Where did he go?

32:40 - STOP STANDING AROUND. GO HELP THOSE CHILDREN.

34:00 - Another reason I believe Malcolm isn’t a killer. Look at his face when that little girl regains consciousness. Just look. That is relief. The way he interacts with the kid indicates that he likes kids. That he’s good with kids. .....also side note Dani hugging that little girl is precious <3 

35:00 - The Gil and Malcolm sit down I wanted the WHOLE episode. Gil’s face. Malcolm’s honesty. My heart is full. 

36:30 - Malcolm really can’t seem to take care of himself. Yikes. Don’t drink if you’re on meds buddy. Also the little shoulder rub that Gil gives Malcolm fuels my soul. 

37:30 - “Don’t make it weird.” I don’t think she can buddy. She’s already watching you strap yourself into the bed. 

37:40 - Malcolm’s explanation for his restraints + his panicked assurance that he has had sex + his soft spoken question to Dani (”Is this the craziest thing you’ve ever seen?”) is so freaking perfect. You can see how desperately he wants Dani to like him (friend or more, you choose I’m not having that debate) and you can also see that Dani isn’t judging him for his coping mechanisms. It’s the kind of friendship we all deserve.

39:10 - I think that Malcolm’s flashback/memory/dream here is important. It shows us that a) Martin was manipulating everyone, even his wife and b) although Jessica can be brusque, overbearing, and a little cold she genuinely cares about and loves her son. 

.....this got really long. Yikes. I thought I was restraining myself too. I honestly could’ve gone into a LOT more detail but I was trying to be brief (which clearly didn’t work). 

Anyways, I’ll try to post some more of these over the weekend but it’s Easter so I make no promises (hahaha not that anyone is waiting eagerly for these posts)

If you read any of this - thanks and I’m sorry for the rambling, poor grammar, and statements of the obvious.  

#prodigal son #jess-rewatches-prodigal #malcolm bright #ainsley whitly #jessica whitly #martin whitly #gil arroyo #jt tarmel #edrisa tanaka #dani powell #i love this show #whump #rewatch #spoilers #annihilator #1x2 #s1

[diepower]

THE BIG BLEACH HC MEME centering around politics, repost & fill out! For anyone who wanted to explore those aspects more, considering it played a big role in the story. Some things may be unknown to your Muse, just think in WHAT IF then & well, have fun and take your time!

BASICS

Name:   Meninas McAllon    / / /    Age:   1000+ years    / / /    Gender:   nonbinary woman Race:   Shinigami / Quincy / Hollow / Fullbringer / Visored / Human / Other Currently lives: (verse dependent) Soul Society / Hueco Mundo / Silbern / Living World / Hell Exact Location: again, verse dependent, but Silbern in general and then Squad 12th’s basement in her CFYOW verse... haven’t quite ironed out all the details of her post-canon AU beyond that it’s set in the Living World, though Group(s): Wandenreich, Shinigami (specifically Squad 12 and not by choice)

QUESTIONS

- Would your muse consider themselves more: GOOD / BAD / NEUTRAL ? - Would your muse consider their group more: GOOD / BAD / NEUTRAL ? - How does your muse think others see them: GOOD / EVIL / NEUTRAL ? - How does your muse think others see their race: GOOD / EVIL / NEUTRAL ? - How does your muse think others see their group: GOOD / EVIL / NEUTRAL ?

- Is your muse considered a threat: YES / NO ?   By whom?:  Soul Society - Is your muse powerful: YES / NO ?  Could they be considered OP:  YES / NO ? - Did your muse any crimes: YES / NO ? - Does your muse think they are doing mostly the right thing: YES / NO ? - Would society think the same: YES / NO / MIXED OPINIONS ?

- Does your muse think they are treated unfairly: YES / NO ? - Does your muse feel understood from others: YES / NO ? - Is it important for them what others think of them as a person: YES / NO ? - Would they welcome death:  YES / NO ? - Will they ever find peace:  YES / NO ?

01.0.  Do they fully stand behind the group they are part of? YES / NO. Why is that? Explain: To Meninas, the Wandenreich are a means to an end; a way for her to be placed in a position where she might exact her revenge on Soul Society for the deaths of her parents during the original Quincy genocide 1000 years prior. In addition, being recruited into the Wandenreich also puts her in a closer position to Yhwach himself, whom she firmly believes is equally responsible for the deaths of her parents due to his ineptitude as a leader and “god”. She has no loyalty to Quincy as a race, and only greater purpose is to become the Strongest of all Quincy (not even particularly the “Strongest Quincy”, as she prefers her fists over traditional Quincy techniques). She is exclusively motivated by her own personal sense of justice, and will do whatever she must to attain it.

02.0.  Do they like as things are in Soul Society? YES / NO. 02.1.  Is there anything they would change? Explain here: Soul Society is a corrupt government body that uses methods of fear, torture, and suppression to uphold their very self-serving ideals of justice. Already armed with this perception, Meninas also sees this firsthand while captive to Mayuri Kurotsuchi and must personally carry out such tactics firsthand. While she doesn’t in the fullest capacity know how to change Soul Society because the root of evil is much deeper than anyone would think, she believes that a number of practices and traditions and captains ought to be destroyed; torn out, root and stem. She also hates the nobility that control many of the policies and buy their way into the Gotei ranks. Those who fight and do the work have earned their place at the top, those who do nothing and hoard their wealth while watching those at the bottom suffer have no place in policy making, regulation, or enforcement.

03.0. Would they ever actively try to bring change (in general)? YES / NO. 03.1. Is your muse more: passive / active ?  Introverted / Extroverted ? 03.2. Does your muse care more about: others / themselves ? 03.3. Do they trouble their mind over a lot of problems, others? YES / NO. 03.4. Do they mostly involve: the world / everyone / themselves / comrades / friends / family / elderly / kids / teenagers / home / workplace / strangers / souls / humans / quincy / shinigami / nobles / fullbringer / visored / hollows / espada / arrancar / (former) boss(es) / pets / animals / zanpakuto spirit / enemies / partner / lover(s) / soul king / god / other…(add more) 03.5. Name (up to) three which are the most on their mind (optional, adding names): - her parents in that her original goal was to get revenge against yhwach and soul society for their roles in the Quincy genocide; she cannot remember their faces anymore, but its her memory that they existed at all that drives her actions - bazz-b in that she and him have an established partnership and plot to commit deicide together, and have been keeping this partnership going for the better part of the last 1000 years under the guise that they’re a very messy and very stupid pair of lovers with a loud and destructive relationship. a long time ago, she swore to help bring about the future of the world he envisioned, and her loyalty has not shaken. - the other femritters- giselle in particular being as young as she is, and meninas harbors a strong guilt for recruiting her into the wandenreich (despite being under orders from yhwach). though on the surface their relationship is rife with bickering and light-hearted contempt, she specifically tries to watch out for giselle. - the nobility (not for any particular race, just in general) as she despises those who claim dominion over the others due to circumstances of wealth or fortunate circumstance without actually doing anything to aid the suffering of those below

04.0. Do they think frequently about politics? YES / NO / SOMETIMES. Why is that? Explain: Most of Meninas’ thoughts are politic-focused, although this perhaps isn’t something she herself is aware of, if that makes sense. Most of her thoughts are “it seems to me that this is the way the world is, where it ought to be this other way and I will help to shape it in that image with my own two hands”. 

05.0. How do they feel in their current location, more: POSITIVE / NEGATIVE / NEUTRAL ? 05.1. Why is that?:  This goes for pretty much all locations/bases in her life after leaving her childhood home at the age of 12- she doesn’t regard anywhere as home as much as shelter. She doesn’t like Silbern, but grows used to it over time (hence the neutrality), but is miserable while trapped in Soul Society.

06.0. Does your muse have any goal: YES / NO ?  BIG / SMALL ? 06.1. Does it involve anything world-changing: YES / NO ? 06.2. If goal or not, any future plans? Share here:  She despises the class differences between the weird racist blood purity and nobility schemes of the Quincy to Nobility in any of its forms and greatly begrudges those of high noble status. While she does a good job at hiding this disdain while residing in Silbern and around large numbers of Quincy elite (in wealth and breeding), she resents most of them for what they are. Her young life was shaped by the perception of a person’s worth in the world ruled by pedigree and wealth, and she as a result that a person’s worth is dependent on how useful they are as a tool or object to others. She wants to live in a world where those currently at the bottom stand at the top, and those in power are beneath their feet. As far as plans, she’s spent her entire life living with the purpose of revenge, and acting as a tool or an object. Meninas struggles to reconcile this way of life with any dreams for living in any normal capacity.

07.0. Does your muse know about the original sin of soul society*: YES / NO ? * curious? Read about it here. 07.1. If they knew, would it change their views on Soul Society: YES / NO ? 07.2. More: POSITIVE / NEGATIVE / NEUTRAL ?

08.0. Who is the worst person in their eyes?:  Yhwach, Yamamoto, all of Soul Society 08.1. What should happen to them?  Execution (quick / slow death) / Imprisonment / Stripped of their powers / Torture / Repay for their sins / Pay a Fine / Social Work / lose their loved ones / Exile / other… (add more). 08.2. Explanation:  Frustrating as it is that she can’t force Yhwach to watch his loved ones die because she believes he lacks the capacity for feeling in that regard, she wants him to die quickly and without much thought. No power-stripping, no long drawn out torture, just something to end it all. Soul Society should be stripped of its powers to recognize the cruelty of their dominion and ideals imposed upon all realms.

09.0. Thoughts on the Quincy Massacre if they knew: POSITIVE / NEGATIVE / NEUTRAL ? 09.1. Would they be alright with such thing happening again: YES / NO / INDIFFERENT ? 09.2. Would they try to prevent it: YES / NO / DEPENDS ? 09.3. Explanation: Regardless of how self-focused her goals may appear, she doesn’t want to create a world where more children have to go through what she did.

10.0. Would they ever switch sides: YES / NO ?  10.1. If yes, What could bring them to do so?:    - 10.2. Would they create a new one: YES / NO ?  or join a current one? If so, which: Meninas is now and forever on Meninas’ side.

11.0. Does your muse follow a certain moral code*?:  YES / NO / GRAY AREA ? * (ethics) A written, formal, and consistent set of rules prescribing righteous behavior, accepted by a person or by a group of people. 11.1. What does it involve?: discrimination based on real world (not manga world) issues like racism, homophobia, transphobia, etc shes not a good person but shes not a piece of shit 11.2. What does it NOT involve?: shes cool with murder, torture, manipulation, plotting to kill god. very much “the end justifies the means” for the sake of her ideals  

YOUR MUSE’S VIEWS / OPINIONS ON THESE GROUPS ?

Central 46:   positive / negative / neutral.   ━   because: corrupt government that doesnt actually go out on the front lines and have no fucking idea what theyre talking about

Four Great Noble Clans:   positive / negative / neutral.   ━   because: she hates rich people and also its their fault the world is the way it is

Royal Guards / Gotei 13:   positive / negative / neutral .   ━   because: corrupt military upholding their own self serving ideals of justice and righteousness. its hubris that makes them call themselves “shinigami- death gods”. theyre not gods, theyre pathetic people in places of power

Fullbringer:   positive / negative / neutral.   ━   because:  truly doesnt care

Visored:   positive / negative / neutral.   ━   because:  theyre shinigami AND hollows so extra disgusting

Espada:   positive / negative / neutral.   ━   because:  hollows are poisonous. she is not a fan

Quincy:   positive / negative / neutral.   ━   because:  the mission is cool, the culture and weird blood purity bullshit with noble lineage is fucked up. she only isn’t completely spiteful because being a quincy herself affords her more power to become stronger, and she loves her parents. overall, she doesnt feel the same loyalty to her kind that others do

YOUR MUSE’S VIEWS / OPINIONS ON THESE (IMPORTANT) PEOPLE ?

Aizen:   positive / negative / neutral.   ━   because:  cool that he wanted to revolutionize SS, lame that he relied on hollow power, lamer still that he lost. also, she doesnt like men who talk too much.

Yhwach:   positive / negative / neutral.   ━   because:  she sees his ineptitude as a leader and failed god figure just as responsible for her parents’ deaths as soul society. his hubris as a god is just as deplorable as soul society’s itself, it just so happens hes the one who gave her more ability to get her revenge

Mayuri:   positive / negative / neutral.   ━   because:  the daten already described him as disgusting, esp detailing his torture on subjects he found to be particularly interesting. Meninas especially hates him after becoming his prisoner in CFYOW following the war. he performed surgery on both her and candice, claiming to have filled their bodies with bombs in order to force them to comply. he took a special interest in the unique state of meninas’ body and muscle density, and as such, there are a number of other “experiments” she underwent at his hands. on top of her being forced to execute soul society’s “dirty work” at his behest in exchange for her life... she hates mayuri

Kurosaki:   positive / negative / neutral.   ━   because:  she thinks its disgusting that soul society relies so heavily on a child’s power to be a strong military force, even worse that the wandenreich and yhwach himself sought to take control of that power. despite this, she doesnt hesitate to attack him with the intent to kill for the sake of acheiving her own ideals, and shes also bothered by ichigos apparent blind faith in soul society (from her pov)

Soul King:   positive / negative / neutral.   ━   because: she thinks the soul king is a testament to soul society and the nobility being disgusting and cruel. and thats all i got bc i still have to do 3 more of these for wildly different viewpoints and my brain is running low on juice

CONGRATS, you managed till to the end, now tag your fellow bleach partners!

TAGGED BY: @zombiequincy thank u hela TAGGING: idk anyone whos wearing socks i tag u

#MEME / ANSWERED #HANDS OF THE DIVINE ; A SELF MADE CREATION / HEADCANON

[selenelavellan]

Elder God Tattoos

(based loosely on this post and Feys and my tags on it.)

Dirthamen, Falon’din, Glory, Squish, and Vena are @feynites​

Ana(mentioned) is @lycheemilkart​s

TW for mentioned Abuse, Blood, and vague allusions to off-screen rape

Selene takes a deep breath, staring at the golden room number in front of her.

She's been in this buildings hallway for too long, she thinks. Security will be here soon, and then it's all over for her.

Her tattoos sting on her skin; Des's burns and tingles on her thigh, imbued with his magic to help her complete her task, while Dirthamen's is still tender and healing where he had placed it on her back.

Selene isn't sure what to expect on the other side of the apartment door.

Dirthamen had made vague mentions of mistreatment, of powers being taken and misused and onslaughts of verbal abuse. Some small part of her is still hoping she can just talk to the guy though. That she can just explain 'hey, you're doing a shitty job with your god, let's just get your tattoo removed and everything can go back to normal, and I won't have to kill you under the orders of my own god'.

Well.

Her first god, anyways. Guess she's 'high priestess'-ing for two now.

Like Des wasn't enough of a headache on his own.

They had warned her, before she left. Of tricks and violence and a thirst for blood that ran so deeply it had nearly corrupted Dirthamen. She knew that part, of course; had accepted the bond and the contract strictly to save him, to give him an anchor that hadn't conflicted so violently with his own so that he could survive the terrible things Falon'din was doing with his name, his power and his essence.

Selene had hoped, right up until she opened the door, that they were wrong. That Falon'din was the sort of man who could be reasoned with, could be spoken back down from his pedestal, could be convinced to come to a peaceful resolution.

But as the door clicks open beneath her touch, swinging open silently and revealing the goings on inside, she realizes the futility of her hopes.

She sees the golden hair, and the broken blue eyes, and the bloodied skin, and she knows.

She knows instantly, exactly what sort of a man Falon'din is.

“Who are-”

He never finishes the sentence.

Selenes own magics rise, elevated and escalated from her contract with Des as the power he had gifted to her courses through her veins and out through the palm of her hand, a blinding white fury of flames that engulfs him in an instant. She feels him pull at Dirthamen, tries to claw his way into his own contract-and it only requires a thought for her to sever it. To deem him unworthy of the bond, and to strip it from him. His mouth opens and his soul screams and for a moment she feels dangerously vindicated. Judgment and fury and the power to punish, the power to save, her power. 

Her domain.

No more victims.

The light fades and the remaining ash falls to the ground.

Two blue eyes look up at her from beneath long golden locks. Silent and still and radiating fight or flight.

Selene sighs, and holds out a hand to help them stand.

“I...m sorry?” She tries, not very good at the consolation thing these days. “If you loved him or something. I know it can be a shock but-”

“I hated him.” They interrupt with a sureness that nearly startles her.

Well. That makes things easier, right?

“Cool,” Selene says with a slow nod. “Good. I guess uh...I guess I don't really need to worry about you like...reporting this, then? Like to cops, or templars, or anything like that?”

“And tell them what? An angel pulled me out of hell?” They snort, tears falling down the sides of their face that they don't seem to notice.

That’s shock, she thinks. Probably not a great sign.

“I'm not-Don't say that. That's not-I mean I definitely just killed a guy, please don't-don't say that.”

“He was a monster.”

“Yeah, that's what I heard,” Selene admits. “But like-probably murder isn't a great thing to idolize? Definitely a last resort.”

“Says the murderer.”

Selene winces. “I'm not-listen, I had strict orders from not one but two gods to do this, it's not my fault-You ever argued with a god? They don't have to stop for breath, ok? And there were two of them, I was double teamed, and then they distracted me with their-” She stops herself before she gets into any details about the previous nights events, clearing her throat and staring up at the ceiling for a moment.

She finally lets go of their hand.

“Do you have somewhere you can go?” She tries instead.

They stare out the window for a minute, before their face splits into a grin.

There's still blood on their teeth.

“Yeah,” They nearly laugh. “Yeah, I do.”

“Great,” Selene says with great relief; the last thing she needs right now is another house guest. “You should go there.”

“Where will you go?” They ask.

Selene blinks, pointing vaguely over her shoulder. “I was uh...I was just gonna go back home.”

“How can I find you again?”

Selene scrunches up her face, head shaking fervently  “You shouldn't. Like you really-it'd be better if you just...didn't.”

“You saved my life.”

“That's a little dramatic...” Selene trails off, watching the blood trickle down the inside of their leg and trying to force herself to stay in the moment.

Don't go back there. Don't go back that way, back where they can't follow.

She runs her fingers through her hair, and curses under her breath while they continue staring at her in anticipation. There's a flyer for some local band sitting on the kitchen counter, and Selene scribbles her number on the back of it before holding it out for them.

They reach out, and she snags it back before they can grab it, holding their eye contact for a solid minute before finally warning.

“Don't need me. But if things get really bad...call this number.”

She lowers it back down, and lets them take the paper from her this time.

Selene gestures towards the door with her head. “You go out first. I'm going to do a little clean up in here.”

The elf holds her gaze for a moment before nodding and heading for the door. Their hand is still on the doorknob when they finally speak again.

“He deserved it, you know. He deserved worse.”

Selene bites down on her bottom lip, staring down at the pile of ash.

“Go.”

–

News of the apartment fire is playing on low volume over Selenes television while she drinks her coffee. The fire she had used to burn any lingering evidence didn't spread to the other apartments, and her wards had been generic enough they seem to be assuming they were placed there by the apartment managers.

Nothing to link her to it.

Nothing but some golden haired elf wandering somewhere with her number in their pocket.

“You did well,” Des purrs, appearing on the arm of her couch. His tail curls over her thigh, siphoning his lingering magics back into himself while he watches the news report play.

“Thanks,” She mutters quietly, still unnerved and uncomfortable from the scene she had walked in on earlier.

“I am sorry for the trouble it caused,” Dirthamen adds, appearing beside her to lean his head on her shoulder.

“It saved someone, so...it worked out. They seemed to agree it was for the best, anyways.”

“You let them go?” Des perks. “I thought you were all worried about being caught by templars and such. Someone who could identify you seems rather...messy.”

“It's fine,” Selene says without further explanation.

They know, anyways. They can pry through her memories at will, prod at her magics, tie her up in whatever matters they see fit. There's no secrets between them; there's no room for it. She's the only thing tethering them to this world right now, the only one left who believes in them.

The only one left who loves them.

But they love her in return, and she enjoys the knowledge and the lost stories, and the companionship they give to her so freely.

“We need a way to generate an income,” She muses aloud. “Something less obvious than 'local elven woman wins lottery for third time in three years'.”

“You certainly weren't complaining before,” Des mumbles.

Selene glances up at him and frowns. “What sort of skills do you have?”

“I am a God,” Des preens. “I have all of them.”

“Uh-huh,” Selene deadpans “What does the little squiggly red line under words on the computer mean when I'm typing?”

Des purses his lips. “It means mortals have a different definition of 'skill' than I do.”

“Uh-huh,” Selene repeats, taking a small sip of her drink.

Selene considers her options, leaning her head on top of Dirthamens. What could she do that would help? What could she do that would make a difference, could actually improve things?

She looks down at Dirthamen, and glances back up at Des.

“...Are there other gods like you that are looking for people to bond to?”

–

It takes the better part of six months to finally open the shop.

Elder God Tattoos.

Not exactly subtle, but...it works.

Mostly she just does regular tattoos; flowers, stars, dolphins. Non-enchantment work. Builds up her portfolio, and keeps an ear out for good people having bad times. She's very careful about her selections; tries her best to make sure the people match the gods, that they're compatible, that there's no risk of corruption on either side.

The first year she's open, she only does the one.

A young elven woman comes in, suffering from the loss of a recent close family member and hoping to bring some semblance of order and joy back to her life. Selene has Venavismi follow her for a week, to see if he would be interested.

“I like her,” Vena grins, twirling around her ceiling and bursting with bright blooms of flowers and fruits. “Little Banana-Ana.”

Selene gives the woman his tattoo, after explaining the situation.

She leaves out the part where 'sometimes you might have to kill somebody for him', in hopes that maybe she'll just be a little luckier than she was.

But it has been six months now, and they have adjusted to each other wonderfully.

Selene nearly breathes a sigh of relief, before a too familiar elf wanders into her shop.

“I heard they do good work here, and I was-” Squish, a nice young woman that Des favors is saying before the elf who had walked in beside her freezes.

Ah, shit.

“You're-”

“Welcome to Elder God Tattoos!” Selene interrupts before they can say anything. “Here for another browse through Squish? Or have you finally decided on a design?”

“Still browsing, though I think I've narrowed it down,” Squish grins. “I brought my signif Glory with me. Thought they'd get a kick out of the place, and I wanted their input. You don't mind, do you Selene?”

“Nope,” She lies, smiling right back and doing her best to pretend she isn't panicking internally. “Take your time.”

Squish plops down onto the plush waiting rooms couches and starts browsing through the thick binders of past work Selene has done, and Selene excuses herself to the back room.

And that's when she finally lets herself panic.

Dirthamen feels it first, popping into being in front of her, todays talons resting carefully on her shoulders.

“What is the matter?”

“The elf-the elf is here. The one who knows. The one who saw me.”

“...Lots of elves have seen you.”

“The one who saw me obliterate Falon'din,” Selene hisses. “Shit, shit, we should've moved before we did this, I'm such an idiot, shit-”

“It is alright,” Dirthamen assures her, pulling her into him as his arms and wings wrap around her. The feathers covering his chest should be uncomfortable, probably, but mostly they just smell like him and it's reassuring. Grounding. Keeps her in the moment.

“I've got this,” Des says, appearing in a solid form behind her and striding into the waiting room before she can escape Dirthamen's grip to stop him.

Selene struggles, but Dirthamen holds her tighter until she relents. Nothing is exploding and no one is yelling so that's...that's good, right? That's a good sign? Things aren't a total disaster in her shop right now, maybe?

Des comes back into the room a few minutes later, Squish and Glory in tow.

“They're cool,” He announces.

Selene lets out a loud groan.

“You're the one who killed Falon'din?” Squish asks, and Selene has to resist the urge to glare at Des or Glory, still bound up in Dirthamens arms as she squirms enough to be able to see them.

“I...that's a complicated question, really. Were you...friends?”

Squish snorts. “No.”

Selene nods silently.

It's awkward.

Des apparently explained the whole situation to them, which Selene could really have lived without.

But they start coming by more often after that.

Like friends might.

They bring in clients and potential clients, apparently running some sort of elven aid/vengeance program on their own that Selene figures she's better off not knowing the details about. She runs a strange business of her own, finding followers for Gods that are fading from existence. It makes her grateful for her own situation, in a strange way.

Grateful for that drunken night when she ended up with Des. Grateful that they found Dirthamen when they did, and grateful that he wanted to stick around.

And when she crawls into bed at night and feels them wrap around her, she finally feels calm. Happy.

They make the moments worth being present for.

#elder god tattoo au #dirthalene #selene lavellan #des #uhhh yeah i had an idea and i had to get it out #started daydreaming about glory eventually bringing their younger sibling uthvir by to hang #and glory is just like 'nah selenes cool its fine' #and selene is like 'its NOT fine this is exactly what i didnt want to have happen actually' #but she's always got food and starts keeping the magazines they read and has spare clothes and a safe place for them when they need it #now she's got her god boyfriends and her mortals-that-think-shes-a-murderer friends and everything is complicated #better #but complicated #mind the warnings

[the-crippled-god]

Steam Next Fest, October 2021

Here’s a few sentences on the demos I’ve played thus far. We’ll see if I get to more...

A=B: Of the genre of 'Esolang programming games' (of which there are many), this might be one of the easiest to get into. However, nearly all the fun is going to come out of weird tricks you can pull off with the new instructions added in each section, which kinda defeats the premise. That being said, I was pleasantly surprised at how clever the game let me be with the the base 'one instruction'. It's not really programming, it's pattern matching and replacing (that being said, folks are starting to work out that well implemented pattern matching is one of the most powerful tools a programming language can have), and a condition that if a rule matches, the instructions start over, rather than continue. I wonder if there's any real world langs that behave like this, but support regex patterns (including capture groups), it might actually be a neat way of building things like custom file renaming rules... Games like this always feel like I'm doing work while not at work, but the simplicity of the base instruction makes this feel more like a puzzle game than something like TIS-100 or Shenzen IO, so provided the extra instructions don't make it feel more like programming (avoid adding branching, don't let me loop beyond the base loop, etc.), I'll probably enjoy this. Verdict: interesting, I'll probably buy it if it's cheap.

Galaxy's Extreme: This is another "Nintendo won't make a new F-Zero game so we'll do it ourselves", and it's... fine. Momentum feels good, and the controls feel good, it's just, too simplistic. I really feel like a spiritual successor to F-Zero needs the strafe and slide turning of GX (or some equivalent), without absurd goofy snaking, it's just, not the same, let alone an escalation of the style. You also only seem to leave the ground and prescribed points, rather than behaving like a hover craft, which doesn't quite feel right. Verdict: I'll probably pass on this one, if it gets rave reviews on release, and has online multiplayer, I could see grabbing it to play casually with friends.

Rayze: There's a good idea here, this isn't a good implementation of it. Momentum feels weird, and the game doesn't use raw mouse input, for some reason. An 'Aim racer' feels like a good idea, but this is more of a puzzle game where you're trying to work out how the level designer wants you to click things. Verdict: pass, absolutely not for me.

Dread Delusion: Open world immersive sim, focused on being weird. Seems alright, demo is a little too limited to tell, and I allocated my stats wrong to be able to see all of it (you seem to need high Lore to get to a few areas), but I enjoyed what was here, and will probably pick it up as just a weird thing to explore. Verdict: neat, be interested to see how the full version is.

Titanium Hound: This one looked cool, but it's really not good. Sounds in the menus are ear piercing, control scheme makes no sense on either the keyboard or controller. None of the attacks feel like they have impact. Controls are floaty and weird, like everything is on ice. Enemy sounds are muted, music is boring. Verdict: Really disappointed in this one, hard pass.

Transiruby: C...Cute... This seems like a fun light hearted metroidvania. Dialogue is witty, Siruby and pals are cute. Music is charming. Controls are tight. Graphics lean a little to simple for my tastes, but otherwise no complaints. Verdict: I'll probably buy this, seems like a good coping game for me.

Gastova: The Witches of Arkana: Meh. Some of the cutscene and character detail art is cute. Writing feels like it has a good premise, but could use an editor to punch up the jokes and quips a bit, since they don't quite land. It's almost like English isn't the writers first language, they have a good grasp of how to put words together so they're coherent, but they're not great at pacing dialogue so it feels natural. Gameplay is, bland? This feels aggressively like a 3rd party SNES platformer, like a Super Adventure Island or something. This is in all respects. It eats inputs randomly, attacks have no impact, enemies take too many hits, basic platoforming requires you stand on the very edge of the platforms, etc. I'm sure there are people who will get a kick out of this, but it's not for me. Verdict: pass.

Ex-Zodiac: It's a Starfox clone! Kinda halfway between SNES and 64. It's pretty good, not really doing anything original, but it plays well. Only weird issue I noticed is that enemies behind you can shoot at you, and there's not really a way to avoid it. Other than that my main complaint is the camera feels a little tight, definitely more like Starfox SNES, and it's a bit annoying. Verdict: I'll wishlist it, purchase is going to depend on the length and price of the full game.

Exo One: Interesting, likely not for me. I dig the movement scheme, though certain aspects of it suffer from the minimal UI/HUD. Manoeuvring through big wide open Unity terrain maps is not really compelling to me, I think I'd really like this if it was a more concentrated experience. Verdict: Pass, but I'll keep an eye on it.

POSTAL Brain Damaged: Hell yeah, this seems good. Think I like it more than Postal 4, at least in its current state. Writing is very Postal, except weirdly more subtle than usual? Dunno, this I like it more than Postal's usual crassness. Weapons are all versatile and cool (in the demo the rocket launcher weirdly feels the worst), and level design and aesthetics are on point. Didn't finish the demo cause I'd kinda rather play this on release, but really liked what I played. Verdict: Wishlisted, to pick up next time I'm in the mood for a boomer shooter.

Hypnagogia: Boundless Dreams: I was expecting something different. This seems to be a mostly linear 1st person platformer set in a childish dreamscape. It's fine for what it is, but at least as a demo, it didn't grab me. I think Anodyne 2 did this aesthetic better, this kinda feels like someone looked at Spyro the Dragon, and decided that's what dreams looked like. Maybe it gets weirder later, but I'm not sure I want to wait around to find out. Verdict: Pass for now, but I'll check the reviews when it comes out.

Cleo: A Pirate's Tale: It's alright, for a one person game, it seems pretty dang good. But, I don't think I'll play it. Everything about it is just a little off. Writing isn't quite funny, voice acting has weird intonation and direction, controls don't quite work intuitively, art style feels a touch unrealized, etc. Definitely give this one a try, especially if you liked old LucasArts games, you might love this, but I didn't. Verdict: Pass, but I have a few friends I'll probably recommend this to.

Hunt the Night: There's a good (potentially great) game here, but it leans just a little too into being difficult/punishing for my taste. You can animation cancel into a dash, except when there's hit stun from contacting an enemy with your sword, so you can't dodge ranged attacks while you're engaged in melee? Sometimes enemies are hit stunned by your attacks, sometimes the same enemies can attack through your hits? There's no stamina bar, but there's like 4 different meters to manage, and they work pretty well at forcing you to use all the options available to you. The weapons I found seemed to only differ in attack speed, melee combos did not change meaningfully, which is disappointing, but I didn't experiment much. Otherwise, for a 'bloodborne but as top-down zelda' it seems pretty great. Story seems interesting enough, if predictable, gameplay has a lot of good ideas, but it maybe needs another round of polish. A range indicator on the dash, and a solid explanation of if I'm suppose to be using it to dodge (and when I can cancel into a dodge and when I can't), along with a clear timer on how long I need to hold the heal button, would go a long way into making the game feel more fair. Verdict: On wishlist for now, because the trailer makes it look really fun, but I'll likely take a look at the reviews on release.

Anuchard: I swear I've seen this main character design before, I think they were a cameo design in CrossCode? Oh wow is English not the writer's first language, grammar issues all over the place. Thankfully, not so bad as to be incomprehensible, but I really hope they get an editor fluent in English before release. Gameplay wise, this seems a little too simple? Combat is satisfying, but you can stun lock the boss? And while the shield/heavy attack system seems like a good idea, it doesn't add much depth. Puzzle solving by bouncing the gems around feels bad. You can't aim in more than the 8 cardinal directions, and even that's inconsistent, and hit detection requires you to be really precise. Art is cute, writing seems like it has potential, if it gets a good proof read, music was interesting to good. Verdict: I think I'll pass, but I'll look into it after release.

Marmoreal: Can you tell this game wanted to be a Touhou fangame, but the art was worse than even ZUNs so they couldn't get the license? Joking aside, ignoring every art asset in this game (except the animation, but we'll get to that), this game is great. Gameplay feels really good, though I feel I need to re-map the abilities buttons a bit, I kept hitting them at inopportune times. And, the animation in cutscenes, along with the writing, make this a stupid ridiculous romp that nearly had me falling off my chair in laughter. This game knows exactly what it is, and I'm here for it. Verdict: Wishlisted, and I'll probably play more of the demo, since it's pretty substantial.

Transmute: A very clearly inspired by Axiom Verge (and maybe Environmental Station Alpha) metroidvania. My biggest complaint is the writing falls flat. Crazy shit is happening to and around the protag, and she hardly reacts (the writing puts more emphasis on her being 'anti-colonialist' than it does on the fact that she'd been in stasis for several years). Game plays well, though not being able to shoot at an angle, or downwards feels weird. Has an augment and retrieval system like Hollow Knight. the augment system even let me combine 2 things I didn't think it would allow me to. Difficulty spikes up after the 2nd boss, so I peaked my head into the 2 areas that open up, but wasn't really interested in banging my head against them when I know I'll have to start over when the game comes out. Verdict: Seems pretty well put together for a metroidvania, I'll wishlist it.

Tunic: This seems so close to brilliance, but it's just not there. The game looks adorable, but here's the issue: There's a massive amount of latency to the controls, you constantly feel like you're manoeuvring through muck. Even the most basic enemy can react to you faster than you can to it, enemies do a lot of damage, healing is very limited, and it has retrieval mechanics on death. This game feels really difficult for no reason. It's clearly trying to look like zelda, why does it play like a wannabe took-all-the-wrong-lessons-from-dark-souls game? If this game played closer to a 2d zelda game, it'd be a lot of fun, but as it plays right now, I have no interest. Verdict: Pass.