#‘did you write this instead of cleaning your bathroom’ shush

[just-your-average-cryptid]

Task Insurance

So a thing I’ve noticed being around a lot of neurodivergent people and spaces is that a lot of nt people don’t seem to understand why executive dysfunction and lack of motivation makes it so hard to Do Stuff. This is kinda how my brain processes it, so maybe it’ll help other people get it?

Say you have a Task. Doesn’t matter what right now, but it’s there and needs to be done, and it has three basic upfront costs.

Time - 15 minutes, an hour, a week; however long it takes to do The Task

Energy - for however much effort The Task needs

Motivation - to actually start The Task and keep doing it

You can’t skip out on any of these - you have to “pay” all three in full to do The Task. No motivation, you can’t start; no energy, you can’t finish or work at all.

Those costs aren’t equally difficult to pay, however: time can be set aside and planned, energy can usually be mustered or at least scrounged up, but motivation can’t be forced.

For neurotypicals, that motivation cost is covered by NT Insurance in most cases, so the only thing they need to pay “out of pocket” are the time and energy costs. Neurodivergent people don’t have NT Insurance, though, so they have to “pay” all three on their own.

For example. Let’s say the Task is Clean The Bathroom. You’re neurotypical, so your motivation cost is covered already, and you’ve made the time to Clean The Bathroom. You have at least enough energy to do two subtasks (Clean Toilet and Clean Shower) and possibly a third. This’ll be easy!

Now let’s say you’re neurodivergent. You still have the time and energy above, but you’re out of spoons or something similar and just can’t cover the last cost. Welp. No clean bathroom for you, unless it’s so bad that Panic Insurance is paying in full for all three costs.

See, that’s what happens without NT Insurance. If you can’t pay the cost yourself, and that’s often the case, something else has to do it for you. That thing is usually panic. Or deadlines. Or “deadly black mold.” (Most of these are just panic with extra features, tbh.)

Executive dysfunction is like having your motivation funds tapped out, even if your time and energy funds are bursting. You can’t start a Task even if you wanted do, you can’t afford it.

You CAN, however, do a Thing. A Thing is not a Task, it’s not “work.” A Thing might be scrolling through social media, playing a game, going for a walk, anything with low motivation costs that’s enjoyable and/or easy. It’s that sweet quick-return dopamine vs the later return a Task might provide. For some nd people, a Task might not provide any dopamine upon completion, so there’s no reward to work towards. And without that reward, a lot of nd people lose any reason to do said Task.

For NTs, “the satisfaction of a job well done” is so fundamental to their experience that the idea of it not existing for everyone is baffling. They don’t even realize motivation is a cost, because it’s so often covered for them. And so when nd people talk about motivation and executive function issues, they think it’s about being lazy or not trying hard enough.

It’s not.

Lazy is “I could do it now, but I don’t feel like it.” Executive dysfunction is “I could literally do it right now if my brain would just cooperate for once, but instead I’m stuck in stasis mode trying to convince my legs to work.”

So for anyone that needs it: you’re not lazy, and you’re not broken. You just don’t have Task Insurance when everyone expects you to because they do.

(This is not at all an expert pov and kind of written off the cuff, so please correct me if/where I’m wrong 😅)

#it speaks #executive dysfunction #neurodivergent #‘did you write this instead of cleaning your bathroom’ shush

[peachesofteal]

Firstly, I love your writing-- I eat it up like Im starved. Secondly, I LOVE omegaverse dead disco. It's so good omg. I'm begging for more if you feel like writing. Simon and Johnny realizing darling left the flat and panicking to find her. Comforting eachother because they feel so guilty for not catching on to the fact that darling was lying about the suppressants.

hope you have a great day/night!!! xx

Ahh love thank you so much for your support! I’m so happy you’re enjoying them 🩵

Takes place after this.

18+ MDNI / dead disco omegaverse au / mature themes

You’re practically sedated between them. Johnny keeps himself pressed to your back, the warmth of his chest bleeding into your skin while you chuff in your sleep, little purrs and hums vibrating in your chest.

His knees stay tucked up behind yours, his arm under the pillow where your head lays, neck and glad exposed for his mouth, tongue flicking over your skin every few minutes to remind you, deep in your heat hazed sleep, that they’re there.

Simon’s laying on the other side, his chest pressed to yours, one arm draped over your waist and Johnny’s, occasionally stroking up and down your side. Whenever you tremble or fidget, he shushes you, soothing you with a rumble in his diaphragm until you’re slipping back under.

“How did we not know?” He whispers. Johnny lifts his head, peering over you to peek at his Alpha, his distraught face, worried eyes and brow furrowed low making his own anxiety pick up. He presses his nose to your neck and inhales deeply, licking over your gland before reaching to grip Simon’s hand tight.

“I… ‘m not sure. Why would she hide this?” He tries not to think about how long you’ve been dealing your heats on your own, trying to satisfy yourself, alleviate your own pain with toys that wouldn’t even come close.

And yet-

“She’s been exhausted, these past few months.” Simon reaches out to stroke his wrist along your gland, scooting even closer, lowering his lips to your forehead in a gentle kiss. “More tired than usual. More scattered. I’ve thought, maybe… she was going through a phase, trying to prepare for possibly… growing our family but this… I mean. The cleaning, the collecting of our clothes all the time-”

“The sheets.” Simon nods. The sheets have been fresh when they’ve come home, every other op. They thought it was because you were trying to clean for them, an unnecessary action considering they’d rather swim in a sea of blankets that smell like you and them together, but the flat had always been spotless too. Fridge scrubbed, bathroom shiny. They’d just assumed…

“I’m going to call her doctor.” Simon tells him lowly, and unease spikes in Johnny’s heart. It feels like an invasion of your privacy, a violation almost.

“It’s-“

“It’s our responsibility, as her mates. We’re supposed to be taking care of her. I can’t do that unless I have all the information.” You fidget, and they both still, voices silent while you purr and shift. “What if she’s sick?” Simon’s voice breaks, and Johnny closes his eyes, breathing through his nose against the widening pit in his stomach. You’re not sick, you’re not, you’re fine. You’re here, right here with them. In his arms- “Or what if something is wrong? And instead of telling us, she’s tried to deal with it on her own.” He can’t disagree with the last bit. If there was something wrong, you might feel like a burden, like you should be handling it yourself.

Why have you been suffering on your own? Why haven’t you come to them? Your mates? Why are you trying to self soothe? Have they done something wrong? Have they not been proper Alphas for you? What happened, before you came to them?

“She’s never indicated anything in her past that would be explain the self soothing.” Johnny murmurs, Simon nods gravely.

“We’re going to have a long conversation, after the heat.” Johnny’s arms tighten around, and he tries to not get lost in his own feelings. He wants to feel happy, feel excited about you not being on suppressants, like they’ve always dreamed of. Wants to relish in the opportunity to care for you in the most intimate ways, during your most vulnerable times.

But they can’t. He can’t. How could they be happy about this? You’re suffering. You’ve been suffering, lying, hiding yourself from them. All he feels is worry, sadness, guilt. They’ve been off having their ruts together while you’ve been alone, taking care of yourself and then hiding the evidence.

Simon sighs, and Johnny sees the same feelings in his eyes. The pain. The guilt.

“We let her down.” He whispers, and Simon nods.

“We should have been here, should have been paying better attention.” He shivers. “I know her moods, her tells better than anyone. I can’t believe I missed this.” Johnny squeezes his fingers, rubbing a thumb over the back of his knuckles in attempt to comfort him.

You whimper, hips shifting. You smell, a mixture of your sweat and the residual fear from your midnight escapade, dried slick and fresh. The heady, ripe heat flavor lingers beneath it all, but you need to be cleaned before anything happens.

Your hips press against his, rubbing, seeking. A small smile breaks through on his lips.

“Sweet Omega.” Johnny kisses you softly.

“Sweet, stubborn little Omega.” Simon agrees, and then strokes a hand down your back. “Let’s get you in a bath, darling.”

#peaches asks #peaches writes #dead disco omegaverse au

[pepperonidk]

roads diverged || h.js

pairing: joshua hong x reader warnings: super self-indulgent. some crying, life decisions, joshua is my comfort member word count: 759 summary: life is full of diverging roads, but it's okay as long as joshua's walking beside you

a/n: i'm definitely projecting lol. instead of crying for 3 hours, i decided to cry for 1 hour and write this for 2 hours :) problem solved

main masterlist

It’s not that you’re particularly a neat freak, but you’re pretty sure you read somewhere that cleaning your living space can help clear your mind. 

It isn’t until you’re on your knees on the bathroom tile at 2 am, scrubbing between tiles with a pink toothbrush and a dream that you finally question the scientific validity of that Buzzfeed article. You let out a huff and pull the rubber gloves off your hands and throw them down onto the floor.

“Damn,” you hear a hoarse voice call from the bathroom door. “What did those gloves do to you?”

“Shua,” his name comes out as if you’re surprised at the shakiness in your own voice. Once he hears it too, his smirk falls into a frown and his eyebrows come together in concern. In the next instant, he’s on his knees beside you, pulling you into his arms.

“What’s wrong angel?” he whispers against your hair, rubbing his arms soothingly down your back.

His question is all it takes for the dam to break and not long after, the sleeve of Joshua’s light blue pajama shirt is soaked with tears. He shushes you as he pulls you tighter against him, and he wishes he could lift whatever burden was weighing you down.

It takes a minute  before you can finally give him an answer. “Do you remember that really weird thing I asked you about a few weeks ago?” you managed to get out between hiccups.

He pulls away and shifts his hands down to hold yours. “Yeah,” he nods. “When you were reading that Robert Frost poem and you asked what happens if you don’t like the road less traveled and you want to go back and take the other one?” 

You nod back at him, pulling your lip between your teeth to fight back the tears. “Yeah… that.”

“What about it?” he asks quietly, prodding you to continue. 

“I think I’m going to quit my job,” you answered, unable to fight the second wave of tears.

“Oh, honey,” he began, his hands instinctively coming up to your face to wipe away the streams of tears. “What brought this on? I thought you liked your job.”

“I do,” you answer. “Well, I did. I’m not so sure anymore.”

“What changed?” 

“I don’t know,” you confess, dropping your head into your hands. “It’s just not… I just feel like I’m stuck, you know? Like what if I missed out on something better because I’m afraid of leaving something that’s familiar?” 

Joshua hums thoughtfully, choosing his words before he continues. “That’s something I wish I knew the answer to,” he sighs and lifts your chin to look at him. He hates seeing you sad, but even more so knowing that this isn’t a problem he can fix for you. “But just think, honey, if you didn’t walk down this path, we wouldn’t have met.”

You nod and break out a small smile that mirrors his. “Yeah,” you agree. “That is pretty great.”

“See?” he continues. “I think you know, no matter which path you take, it’ll be lined with good things and bad things, and that’s okay.”

“I know, I know,” you affirm. “But I like it better when you tell me.”

Joshua lets out a chuckle before standing and holding his hand out to you. “I’ll keep telling you if you finally come to bed with me,” he offers and you take it, gathering your cleaning supplies into your free arm and setting them onto the counter. 

Once you’ve both finally settled into bed, Joshua shuts off the lamp on the bedside table and pulls you flush against his chest. His fingers trace circles up and down your arms as you listen to the steadiness of his heartbeat.

“As I promised,” he began. “There’s gonna be lots of diverging paths, you know? Lots of different ways to go. And they won’t always be as scenic as the ones before, or as neatly paved, or as—” 

You playfully swat at his chest and smile at the rumble of laughter in his chest. “I get it,” you prod.

“My point is,” he drags out the last syllable, tilting his neck down to smile at you before yawning. “No matter which path you end up taking, I’ll be walking right next to you, holding your hand.” True to his word, he pulls your free hand into his before bringing it up to press a light kiss against your palm. “And every step is going to take us exactly where we need to go.”

taglist: @yksthings @iamxelia @coveyland @xuimhao

#caratwritersclub #seventeenweeklyarticle #joshua hong #joshua hong x reader #joshua x reader #seventeen fluff #joshua hong fluff #joshua fluff #seventeen × reader #seventeen angst #seventeen imagine #ioshua honq imagine #svt ioshua #seventeen joshua fluff #hong jisoo #hong jisoo x reader

[twst-drabbles]

Lilia 7

Summary: You have finished taking Lilia a bath. The little bat greatly enjoys you toweling him off.

(Ah yes, here I go again, saying I will write a request or work on my novelette for the Ko-Fi shop but instead I write about Lilia. I hate my brain. Wish it would work with me.)

“Seriously, why do you always come to me to get you clean?” you murmured, annoyed as you carefully dabbed at his leathery wings fully outstretched towards the sky. “How did you even manage to fly here when you were covered in all that pond scum?”

You’re not kidding when you say that bat was covered. You don’t know of any bogs around your area but Lilia looked like he crawled right out of one, with links of rather nasty algae hanging off his head and wings. Not to mention the foggy green slime that was soaked into his usually delicate fur. It was gross to hold him but you’d rather he not track whatever he had on him one you floor.

Little bat was dirty. You had no choice but to give him a bath. Well, at least he’s a very calm pet that takes baths pretty well. Though he does like to go wild with the bubbles, but who are you to stop him when he’s having fun?

So, here you are, drying Lilia off as he nibbled on your fingers when he can. Little clicks sounded in his throat as his wings shook the slightest bit.

“Almost done,” you gathered him up in your hands, snorted as Lilia melted further into the towel, reminding you of Silver’s first attempt at a steamed bun. A little too fat, little too moist, but comforting nonetheless.

You opened your closet. Placing the sleepy Lilia on the upper shelf, you flicked on the heating lamp, as it’s second nature by this point. Moving the coat hangers out of the way, you grabbed a wooden one that you’re pretty sure belong to Crowley at some point. You grabbed the old bat from his towel, shushed him when he made a deflating, protesting squeak, and nudged his feet onto the hanger.

He grabbed and hung upside down, letting his wings flop down to catch as much of the lamp’s light as he could. He wasn’t dripping but you placed the towel under him just in case. Lilia has not once opened his eyes.

“Alright, just stay here for a bit. I need to call Silver.” Lilia twitched at his owner’s name but you pushed the hanger, making him gently rock in the way he likes it. “Just nap.”

Now where did you leave your phone? Oh right, the bathroom. Maybe you should take a picture of Lilia? Yeah you should. It’s fun, having a collection of these pets while they’re drying off.

#twst #twisted wonderland #twst-drabbles #twst-drabbles exclusive #drabble #diasomnia #lilia #lilia vanrouge #house pet au #reader insert

[poppy-metal]

things that I like to believe are canon part 2

•going with eddie to a hellfire meeting, even if you don’t play, sitting next to the throne you have a notebook that you use to jot down things from the campaign. the boys are arguing over what their next move should be and eddie is watching with a smirk but takes the opportunity to lean over and write ‘hi (:’ in the corner of your book

•”you got something right here-” he gestures to the corner of your mouth and you go to wipe it away but he grabs your hand and smirks “don’t worry baby, daddy’s got it” and he leans in a licks over your lips “all clean”

•eddie making a dnd npc based on you and incorporating them into the quests

•going to sleep without kissing eddie, you’ve had a long day and simply forgot, but the boy sits up obsessing until he rolls over and shakes you awake and you panic sitting up slightly “what what is it??” the street lights illuminate his features just enough that you can see his sad expression “why didn’t you kiss me??” “wha—” “where is my kiss???” you’d be annoyed if his pout wasn’t so cute but still you playfully grumble “here’s your damn kiss” before leaning in and pressing your lips to his 4 or 5 times, he hums in content and buries his face in your boobs

•literally having to feed him cause he gets so caught up in writing campaigns or making music, you sit in front of him with a bowl of food spooning it into his mouth

•you getting sick and eddie pouting cause you won’t let him kiss you but he sneaks a few in when you’re spacing, you gently scold him cause you don’t want him to get sick. “no virus will stop me from kissing my woman”

•he gets sick

•both of you sitting in bed, stuffy noses and fluffy robes and eddies just “worth it”

•eddie with the man flu being all dramatic “I’m dying baby this is it” “it’s literally the sniffles ed” “when I die you’re not allowed to fall in love with anyone else” “what?” “i said what i said” rolling your eyes and placing a damp cloth on his forehead

•trying to take his temperature with a thermometer but he tells you to kiss his forehead instead because your lips are more accurate

•asking you to apply Vaseline to his chest every 10 minutes cause ‘the effects have worn off :(‘

•if his flu is more serious you enter Doctor Mode, you call off work and sit on the bed next to him all day, making him soup and forcing him to stay hydrated “no eddie beer does not count” “aww”, filling a container with warm water and using a soft cloth to wipe him clean of the sweat

•applying cream to his raw nose, and cleaning around it when mucus starts to drip out, eddie tries to push you away cause “t’s gross baby” and you shush him cause taking care of your man is not gross and he literally did the same for you

•tying his hair back the first time he vomits

•after you’re both better eddie has a strict ‘wear a jacket whenever you leave the house’ rule

•waking up in the morning and going to relieve yourself in the bathroom and halfway through eddie walks in still half asleep and kicks your legs to the side “eddie get out what the hell?” “s’no biggie baby, scoot back a bit, yeah?” you’re still half asleep and don’t feel like arguing so you do and he relieves himself, aiming his stream in the open space between your legs, you’re blushing cause this is probably the weirdest and most intimate thing you guys have done

• that one time opens the gate for new experiences. comes in and pees when your in the bath, brushing your teeth or getting ready for the day. you’ve also noticed that he’ll wait until you need to pee before he gets up and goes with you. not necessarily sexual, boy is a lil codependent

•sits on the edge of the bath or on the counter while you bathe, talking about animatedly about a new iron maiden song he’s learning, liking being close. loves to wash your hair for you.

•loves when you wash his hair

•loves to dress you just as much as he likes undressing you

•has a box filled with mementos from your relationship. movie stub, receipt from your first date, the napkin you drew a silly picture on when you went out to a group dinner, half empty perfume bottle of his favourite scent of yours, photobooth pictures from when starcourt was still there, all the notes you’ve put in his drug box, all the post-it notes etc

•his arm constantly wrapped around you, not as a possessive thing but a comfort thing for both of you (okay he’s a little possessive)

———————

Cutting myself off again lmao

quite literally rendered me incapacitated.

#ask #the one where he kicks ur legs open. oh. #and the drawing a 'hi' in your notebook?? WHINES #eddie spaghetti

[love-fictional-ppl]

Okay so this did take me a minute to write so I do apologize anon😭😭 i be having the worst writers block and I feel like I rushed the end but let know how you like it🤘🏻🤘🏻🤘🏻 Love you Pieck anon🫶

Still Time

Summary: you comfort Pieck after she has a nightmare, than you have a panic attack, and come to peace w shit (I suck w summaries)

Pairings: Pieck Finger x Gn!reader

Warnings: Spoilers for ep. #65(I think), talks of death, panic attacks, crying, nightmares, (this sounds just very sad but I promise there is a happy ending)

Not Proofread!!

The air outside was eerily silent aside from the occasional sob or crash. The aftermath of the attack titan making an appearance in Liberio. Most peoples homes were devastated in the battle, many retreated to shelters. Those who were fortunate enough to still have a home to return to, did so.

You had been lucky, running up the dirt road to your home, finding it in one piece. The small home that belonged to you, you and Pieck.

You felt like a massive weight had been lifted from you shoulders when you found that Pieck was okay. As soon as you caught sight of each other you ran into the other’s arms. Neither of you discussed the event of the evening, deciding to attempt sleep instead. After a hour or so you fell into a dreamless slumber.

You wake, hearing mumbling and movement. Upon sitting up, you realize it’s Pieck having a nightmare. Knowing it would be best to wake her and not touch her do to her warrior instincts, you call her name repeatedly till she wakes.

Pieck jolts awake, turning her head to face you, you take note of the tears in her eyes. You tell Pieck you’re going to get her a glass of water before standing, giving Pieck the opportunity to regain her breath.

Reentering the room, you sit next to Pieck and hand her the glass. She raised the cup to her lips, shaky. Taking a few sips then setting it down, Pieck hugs you like it will be her last chance.

“I love you,” Pieck sobs into your chest.

“Hey, I love you more than anything, do you want to talk about what happened in your dream?” You ask, concerned about your girlfriend.

Pieck nods weakly and sits back on your bed. You sit next to her putting your hand on her thigh comfortingly.

“When I have to pass on my titan,” Pieck bluntly state.

“I’ll always love you, even when you’re gone. I don’t want to think about what’s not going to happen yet though. Live your life with no regrets. I love you, forever.”

You hated seeing Pieck hurting over this, frankly you hurt every time you thought about it. All you wanted to do was forget about her cursed fate.

Pieck wrapped her arms around your shoulders and began to sob, “I don’t want to die.” All you could do was return the hug.

Whispering repeatedly, “I know” while shushing her, she fell back asleep peacefully this time.

You felt stressed. Moving Pieck into a comfortable position, you get up from the bed and go downstairs. You make your way into the kitchen to grab a glass of water for yourself.

With your cup of water you make your way outside, debris from the battle everywhere, suddenly you drop your cup and start sobbing.

You fall to your knees and just cried. After what felt like hours, you got up, went into your house and made your way to the bathroom.

You cleaned yourself up and thought to yourself for a while. Coming to a realization, you don’t want to waste any time with Pieck, you want to use what time she does have left to show her how much you love her.

You head into you and Pieck’s shared bedroom, than going to lie on the bed. You snuggle up to Pieck and wrap your arms around her. She stirs ever so slightly but only cuddles more into you. Suddenly, you realize you have no reason to cry right now, you still have time for moments like this. You still have Pieck right now.

#attack on titan #aot pieck #aot angst #pieck finger x reader #pieck finger #attack on titan pieck #snk pieck #aot x reader #angst #I want to give Pieck a hug #aot

[rengokuswif3]

Oi mate can you write romantic headcanons for Steven Harrington, where during the whole starcourt mall fiasco, the reader gets severely injured and he just freaks tf out? (Thank you btw take ur time)

BATTLE OF STARCOURT WAS MY FAVORITE EPISODE OF ALL TIME AND STEVE IS MY ABSOLUTE FAVORITE SO Y E S-

You worked at Scoops Ahoy with him and Robin, and instead of Steve pining for Robin (which I thought was stupid), he’s pining for you and Robin is in PAIN because it is so obvious but both of you are dorks and won’t admit it

So when this kid Dustin came in with a wild theory that Russians had invaded Hawkins, you were just trying to do your job and scoop ice cream but you couldn’t help but get very interested over the conversation you heard in the back room

You eventually got sucked into this mess too, and followed them into the elevator they had gotten into with the help of Erica. So when you and the two older teens got captured by the Russians, Steve was immediately just worried about you and was yelling whenever someone got too close to you

While they did hurt Steve, they didn’t touch neither you nor Robin to his relief, and he kept their attention on him so that they wouldn’t hurt either of you

Buuuuuuut then you all got drugged so-

And being drugged, while Dustin and Erica were trying to get you all onto the car, you had taken a hard fall flat onto your face and broken your nose. You were too loopy to really notice it, but the drugged up Steve and Robin both freaked out when they saw the blood pouring down your nose and your face getting bruised up already

He kept asking over and over if you were okay, forgetting he already asked and you not comprehending what the hell he was even saying, so you’re giggling and he’s crying-

Eventually you guys start to sober up after puking your guts out in the food court bathroom, and things become a bit more clear and Robin just dies in her own stall while the two of you have a little heart to heart in the stall right next to her

Steve just carefully takes some toilet paper to clean your face up, and you’re all worried about his own face that was beat up from the interrogation but he’s shushing you and focusing on you, asking if you’re okay

When he sees how bad the break is, he starts to kinda panic and Robin has to calm him down cause he ends up rambling about what to do about it

But he just helps you stop your nose bleed and you just stare into his eyes as he wipes blood off your face

#Steve Harrington x Reader #Stranger Things #Steve Harrington #Scoops Troop

[sweetaesuga]

in your eyes | m

pairing: jungkook x female reader!

genre: smut, fluff, angst, college au, fratboy jk! ex-fuckboy jk! bookworm reader! friends to lovers!

warnings: language, insecurity, drinking, dom jungkook! fingering in public, exhibitionism, female masturbation, grinding, oral (m), dirty talk, light choking, degrading (slut/whore), squirting, creampie, unprotected sex (both are clean but stay safe), bathroom sex, riding, pinning.

word count: 10.6k+

synopsis: jungkook always sees you like the only girl in the world, and you just see him as a fuckboy. OR jungkook just wants a chance🥺

↳ a/n: first time i ever write a fic or smut please enjoy🤧 

You were only sixteen when you met him. He stepped into the classroom in all dark baggy clothes in an uneasy walk. At first glance you would of thought he was a timid person. Wrong, under all of that bullshit you see an egoistic and self-assured asshole that you're somehow happy to call your friend. You even learned that it was facade. Jungkook was a boy with a good heart who always remained loyal to all of his friends.

Jungkook just turned seventeen when he met you, noticing you straight away when you had a nice sense of fashion. You always had on an accessory that matched with the color of your shirt or jeans. You also always wore a bit of bright colors in your outfits. The bright unique makeup is what caught his attention too. He was proud to call you his friend.

When you both happily entered the same college along with your best friend Hayoon, everything changed. He began hanging out with a new group of friends, they were all older than them and deeply influenced him. He joined a fraternity then and began spending less time with you. He only came over to study or celebrate your birthday. His busyness merely reminded you how he preferred to spend his time hooking up with random girls every week rather than play board games with you or rant to him about your new book you were reading.

You don't exactly remember when he started but you do remember all the girls that talked about how amazing he was in bed which solely added more uncertainty on you. You even walked in on him and a freshman girl going at it in one of the sorority’s room at a party you were both attending.

The memory of when he started crushing on you was foggy to you but he always remembered it in a flash. It was when he had a taekwondo match, where circumstantially Jungkook's girlfriend, who wasn't really his girlfriend, at the time couldn't make it. His hopes were put down by the thought of someone not supporting him, since he always tried his best with his own cheerleader being there.

In the middle of the match, his eyes scanned the bleachers, wishing for someone to be there. His wishes were granted as he saw you there. Standing awkwardly, you gave him a little wave with a smile. His chest heaved in glee, sending you a quick smile before he returned to his match.

The sound of you screaming his name when he won, put a enormous smile on his face. Jungkook watched you run down the bleachers, apologizing to all the people you were bumping through. You leaped into his arms easily.

Your next words to him were a blur since Jungkook was too focused on just having you in his arms. He was grinning happily at you, hair sticking to his forehead. His heart heaved with warmth as you hugged him tightly.

He was twenty-one and you were twenty when he realized he had a crush on you.

You were seventeen when you realized you liked him.

But you were nineteen when you realized you would never be good enough for him.

"He then had the audacity to ask me if I slept with anyone else! The nerve of that guy," you felt like your ear was going to bleed out just by listening to your best friend blabber about her ex-boyfriend.

"Why don't you just stop talking to him? I don't know...block his number or something?" you suggested, very uninterested in this conversation about her ex-boyfriend contacting her. She could simply just block him out her life and be done with him. 

You stared at the worn out rubber of the tip of your black converse. She popped the gum in her mouth, the sound became annoying to you. Hayoon squinted her eyes at you, trying to find something to say to argue back to you. She instead changed the subject. "Where were you on Saturday?"

"Studying like the rest of the students here," you moved to rest your weight onto your right leg. "I just can't seem to understand how finals are coming up and some people are out here partying? The library was packed when I got there."

"Yeah well I wouldn't know because I didn't go," she grinned at you. "Instead I went to a party because I'm not a loser like you!" Hayoon giggled to herself and you rolled your eyes. "Also," she popped the gum loudly. "Jungkook was asking for you. Calling for his dream girl. . .or something like that—I don't know can't remember—too drunk you know?"

Your ears perked up to that. "Really?" you tucked a piece of hair behind your ear that got in the way and leaned forward. "Did you remember why he was looking for me?"

Hayoon grinned again. "Even if I do know why would you care? Don't you hate him or something?" she smiled evilly and threw her head back.

You froze and leaned back to your seat. You know what she was trying to do and it was never going to happen.

You were never going to give Jeon Jungkook a chance.

Jungkook stumbled into the library, eyes searching for you immediately. There was nearly a crowd of students that were preparing for finals. "Hey have you guys seen Y/N?" he asked a study group. A girl in your class answered him, telling him that you were somewhere by the windows.

Of course you were, he thought to himself. You would be seated at your usual spot. He walked over to the windows and spotted you straight away. Watching your figure become closer as he walked further, he took the sandwich out of his bag. "Hey Y/N!" you already knew that voice. You looked up at Jungkook. As usual he looked drop-dead gorgeous. He wore his usual dark baggy outfit, a black cargo jogger and a much darker hoodie with some black combat boots. He was showing off his helix piercing and his fresh new haircut.

"Nice haircut," you referred to his undercut and the fact that he was showing forehead. "Seems like you spent a lot of time on it."

"Yeah! Just for you," he smiled, his cheeks being pushed up. You let out a heavy sigh, clearly not in the mood for his flirtatiousness. "Got you a sandwich, by the way," he laid it in front of you.

You let out a small smile and took it from him, trying not to show how your mouth got watery so quickly. "Thanks, you didn't have to though," he shook his head.

"I don't want you starving to death," he sat down next to you, shoulder pressing against yours. "What are you studying for?" his nose nuzzled your ear. You rolled your eyes and shoved him away, ignoring the goosebumps his warm breath caused.

"Just getting my notes ready. Wanna highlight or color code it but feel like it's going to fuck up everything. Also don't wanna be those fucking girls that always have to make their fucking notes pretty. Also, do I look tired?" he studied your face for any features that made you seem exhausted. "I was up till two in morning watching these two Indian guys build a pool."

His eyes lit up. "Oh my god, I come across from those too."

"I know they came up all over my fucking Youtube recommendations. I got sucked into binge watching them. It makes me feel fucking lazy to be honest, the amount of fucking water they carry back and forth. I wouldn’t be able to do that.”

Jungkook snickered and made a note of how much you swore. "I need to make a swear jar for you. You swear too much."

"Not even," you laughed back at him and nudged his shoulder. "I'm just a little frustrated and stressed right now," his gaze dropped on the purple pins in your hair, holding each side of your hair. "I called my mom and she said to not stress over this, but you know how I get," you frowned and turned to him. He finally took in your appearance. Your bright purple eyeshadow with purple gems adorning the top of it. You wore a purple flare pants and a white long sleeved, deep v-line crop top. His eyes dropped down to your cleavage, trying to see if you had a bra on.

"Holy shit Y/N!" the students around him shushed him. He burned up and muttered a sorry to them, you giggled at how embarrassed he looked. "You look amazing. What's the special occasion?"

"Nothing," you shook your head, a smile still on your face. "Can't I dress up once in awhile?" Jungkook raised an eyebrow at you, knowing that you normally only wear outfits like this when they’re new or it’s the first week of school. "Okay," you dragged your word out. "I got this outfit last week and really wanted to use it today. It's cute right?"

"Yeah, really cute," he toyed with your hair pins, messing up your hair.

Neglecting his comment, you carried on. "I even got up in early in the morning to do my makeup. If I'm gonna show up wearing a new outfit, I might as well have a cute ass face to go with it," you frowned when you remembered something. "And I realized I don't have different color hair pins, they're all purple so thank fuck the fucking pants are purple."

"Well I think you look very cute, Y/N. Boop!" he poked your nose gently. You swatted his hand away, warning him to stop but all you're given is a large bunny smile. "Come on, eat your sandwich. I didn't just come all the way over here searching for you just to talk to you."

"Actually you did bitch."

"Oof, swear jar," he rested his palm out in front you. You took a bite out of the sandwich, placing a quarter on his palm. "No a dollar, Y/N."

"No! What the fuck—wait!" he held out his palm again. "That's not fucki—hold up, you can't just say a dollar," you whined and grabbed your bag. "I don't have money growing out of my ass."

"I don't know that yet. I'm gonna have to check to make sure," you threw a dollar at him. He laughed and picked it up.

"I know your kind," you spatted at him and tossed the other two dollars at him which he easily caught. "Wanna drain my f-freaking bank account."

"Oh come on, I want you to be my sugar mama," he jested, leaning forward to give you a huge smug.

"Sucks to be you actually. I'm looking to be a sugar baby, not a sugar mama," you glanced over your shoulder towards him. His laugh echoed and you watched as students gave him a dirty look from how loud it was.

"Of course. You're the brokest bitch in the city no one actually wants you to be their sugar mama," you gasped at his words.

"Am not!"

"Are so!" you both laughed at each other. His hand searched for yours underneath the table. He must've noticed how tensed up you had gotten when he found it, managing to wrap your smaller fingers into his. "I've been meaning to talk to you by the way."

You groaned, knowing where this will be going. "Jungkook, stop I'm not in the mood," you caught a quick glimpse of the time. "Look, I have to go, my bus will be coming soon." You don't let him mention anything else. Bolting out of the library, you leave a crestfallen Jungkook behind.

He shook his head and took the half eaten sandwich you also left behind. He trailed behind you, backpack threatening to fall down his arm. You proceeded to walk to the bus stop, Jungkook just close behind. "Didn't see you at the party on Saturday?" the voice came from behind you. You opt to ignore it but by the sound of his voice it was easy to tell that he has been dying to ask this question. When you didn't answer him, he tried again. "Seriously where were you on Saturday?"

You sunk down on the bench. "None of your business."

"Well, I was kind of worried about you. I thought you were going to be there so that's why I came," he took a seat right besides you. "Once I saw you weren't there, I left."

"I was at the library studying for finals," you weren't sure why you were telling him this.  After his little confession your heart felt weird. If you hadn't told him though, he probably would've guessed it. Still, he needed confirmation.

"What? Why didn't you tell me? We could’ve studied together!" he complained, nudging his shoulder with yours.

"Jungkook stop, I know what you're doing," you glared at him, wanting to get away. He frowned and reached over to hold you. "I already told you no," you hissed, disregarding the way his eyes appeared sunken at your response.

"Why not? I already told you, I'm not messing around anymore. I genuinely want to settle down with someone," he stared into your eyes with such intensity you felt like your brain was going to explode. Your ears took in his words slowly. "I want to be with you."

"Jungkook, please—"

"Come on, one date. I swear to god I've changed," he ranted. He's always been very keen on having a chance with you, but with all those girls that he used to take home you felt otherwise. You would listen to the girls on how good Jungkook was. How good he looked at night in the dark moonlight. How he would manhandle them in random places. How his muscles would appear every time he flexed them. How those hips of his were a miracle. You would be lying to yourself if you said you didn't ever want to see him that way too.

"I'm flattered, I really am—I just really don't want to be with someone like you. I'm sorry," you apologized, brushing a piece of hair behind your ear.

He blinked then squinted his eyes at you. "What do you mean someone like me?" He sounded somewhat offended at your words.

"You used to fuck around!" you fumed and threw your hands up. The bus was coming down the road towards the two of you. "I don't like that."

"Why not?" He's way too stubborn to let you go, you forgot.

"Because...I just don't okay? Lets leave it there," you stood up and walked over to the bus once it opened its doors. He followed close behind. Before you can enter your dollar into the machine, he does it for you.

The bus driver smiled at him while you glared at him. You walked to the back of the bus, smiling to all the other passengers but secretly upset. Jungkook still followed you like a lost puppy. You slid down in the seat. Your left arm feeling the side of the bus once you properly sat down. "Here, I'll pay you back," you hold out the dollar bill but he sat still in his seat.

"Well shit, sugar mama not right now," You sighed and put it back in your bag. You heard him snort.

"Come on, tell me why you won't give me a chance and I'll leave you alone," he offered. He held your eyes for a moment before you let out a breath of air and looked away.

If he’ll leave you alone, then you must have to say why you won’t grant him a chance with you, a chance for him to become your boyfriend.

"I'm too insecure for you," he opened his mouth but you shushed him. "I'm not...how do I put this? I'm not like them?" you questioned and glanced over at him. He had a look of worry washed all over his face. "The girls that you were with are those who are all popular, party all day, and are very attractive. They all do casual sex, and I don't want be that type of person, I want something serious. Like you have dated Soojin! She's really pretty, makes me gay even," you chuckled at yourself. "That's not the point though. If I'm with you, all I could ever think about is the girls you were with and how different I am from them. I just can't be with someone when all I'll ever think about are my insecurities with them. So how could I possibly ever be good enough for you?" you don't look at him after that.

He sighed and gripped your small hand into his. You almost cringed when you remembered how sweaty your hands were. "That's why I'm after you though. You're not like them. I wanted a change. You are good enough, you'll always be good enough for me. Hell, I feel like I’m not good enough for you. And I really don't care if you're any of that other stuff. I still want to have a shot with you." you don't realize how long you both were holding eye contact. The two of you don't look away from each other however. You don’t even comprehend how close you two have gotten. He reached over to push back a strand of your hair behind your ear. Your breath hitched.

"I don't know Jungkook, I'm just really unsure," you admitted and leaned back in your seat to create some distance between you two. "My mind isn't clear right now but I highly doubt I would want to give you a chance."

"Really? You don't want me?" he bit his lip and glanced over at you. "How can I change your mind?" you stopped functioning when he reached over to press up against your thigh. His fingers travelled over to your inner thigh. He kept rubbing circles around there for a few minutes, hand drawing closer each time. Your cheeks grew crimson once you wrapped your mind around on how wet you become so quickly, and he barely even touched you what an embarrassment.

You were only getting aroused quickly because of how long your dry spell was. You haven’t being touched in so long that you craved it so much, no matter who it was with.

"What are you doing?" you hated how you felt so hot under his eyes at the moment. He brushed you aside until you repeated your question again.

"Nothing," his lips curved upwards. He faced forward, ignoring the fact that his hand was practically between your legs.

"Jungkook, stop that!" you hissed and whacked his hand away. He withdrew his hand from your inner thigh but still kept it at the top of your thigh. His thumb gently tracing circles into your skin.

"Bet you're fucking wet under that," he commented. You caught his stare, watching his eyes fixed on your cleavage. A smile forms across his face when he takes notice of how you're rubbing your thighs together. "Don't be scared, I'll go easy on you. You wearing those pink panties that I love on you?"

You knew what he was referring to. Leaving your laundry on your bed wasn't a good idea especially when an excited Jungkook was coming over to watch a new episode of You, but he didn't give you time to pick it up so your baby pink lace underwear was out on the sheets. "Shut up. I'm not going to let you do shit," you furiously crossed your arms over your chest. His eyes flickered back down to your breasts that were shoved up into a tighter position.

"Really? You say that but you're on the verge of asking me to touch you. I know it, Y/N," you bit your lip hard to avoid saying something. You heard him laugh. "It's okay, no one will notice, if you're a good slut and keep your mouth shut." Your eyes widened at his words.

You’ve never been called a degrading name in bed. With the two boyfriends you’ve been with, they always called you loving names that had gotten boring quick as well as their vanilla sex. Yet somehow it stirred you up at the thought of being called a slut, especially Jungkook calling you that.

But it was almost like a completely different Jungkook had surfaced. You knew he was some sort of sex god but didn't expect him to have such a dirty mouth. You decided to test the waters. A little fun wouldn’t hurt.

You spread your legs a little wider, inviting him to get closer. He stared into your eyes as you stared down at his hand. "Unbutton your pants," he demanded. Your eyes expanded even more at his words. You were just thinking of getting him eager not to do something here.

You looked around to see if anyone could see or hear you two but they were all facing forward and minding their own business. Your hands went to unbutton your pants, pushing your zipper down. "Open your legs," you did as you were told. "Wider, wider," your right leg rested on top of his muscular thigh. "You wet enough?" he asked, reaching down to your core. You shivered when his hand entered your underwear. He sinks his two fingers in and you whined. He took his fingers out, gazing on the glistening wetness on it.

"Dirty fucking slut," he murmured and dig his fingers back into you. You gripped his wrist harshly but encouraged him to add more fingers. He complied and proceeded to finger you in the back of the bus. "Never thought I would finger the girl of my dreams in the back of the bus," he chuckled as he heard you calling out his name. "You gotta be quiet if you don't wanna get caught." he teased softly. He pounded his fingers into you faster. His eyes laying upon your furrowed eyebrows and bitten lip. You began to nudge into his fingers, meeting him halfway with the movement of your hips. Your grip on his wrist tightened as he touched your clit with the tip of his finger. He snorted and proceeded to move against you, ignoring his hardness that was forming in his pants. You threw your head back and stared up at the ceiling. You bit your lip hard, almost drawing blood.

Jungkook clutched your knee, forcing you to open wider. You raked over the passengers in the seat, who are still unaware of you getting fingered at the back of the bus. You moaned into his hoodie. You let go of his wrist to hold his bicep. He looked down at you. He reached over to cup your face, bringing your lips to meet his. You’re taken back a little but nonetheless you open your mouth to tempt him to slid his mouth in. He fulfilled your craving. The two of you looked like random teenagers making out in the back but what they couldn't see was his fingers stuck up your wet core.

"Jesus fucking Christ," you said under your breath, pulling away from his redden lips. His fingers pounded brutally into you. He showed no sign of slowing down.

"You make a fucking noise and I swear to god I will take you on this bus full of people. I don't give a fuck, Y/N," your pussy quenched around him at that. Your wetness glimmered on his fingers.

"Oh my god, Jungkook, oh my god," you moaned against his neck. Hiding your face from him, you picked up the pace of your hips. "Uh—fuck, holy shit do that again," you referred to him touching your clit. He does that again. "Oh fuck," you whimpered when you felt an uneasy feeling building up within you. "I'm gonna fucking cum."

"Yeah? That fucking early? I knew your little pussy wouldn't be able to take it," Jungkook's lips formed a smirk. "And this is just with my fingers babe. Bet you can't handle my dick," you ignored him. You sobbed into his neck and leaned up to kiss him in efforts to silence your moans, cumming hard all over his fingers. It takes two minutes before you released Jungkook from the kiss. He drew his hand away from your skirt and made sure you were holding eye contact with him when he cleaned his fingers with his tongue.

You gulped. Reality finally hit you. You had let Jungkook finger you in the back of the bus. 

You pushed back against your seat and looked around to see if anyone was looking. Everyone on the bus was still unaware and you felt like you can breathe again. "Holy shit I can not believe we just did that," you brushed your hair back, somewhat disappointed at yourself for not stopping him.

Jungkook's smile surfaced. "I can't believe you just let me do that. Wanna return the favor?" he asks jokingly but watched your face to see if you were willing to suck him off. His hopes are put down when a frown appeared on your face and he could tell you wouldn't feel comfortable with that. "Joking babe."

"Don't call me that, please," you stressed. "This was a mistake, seriously don't ever speak of this with any of your friends. We're not going to speak of it either."

"I wasn't even going to," he muttered and looked away. "Funny how it's a mistake, Y/N, when you were over here telling me to keep going."

You fanned yourself, flapping your hand back and forth in front of your face. Jungkook looked at the layer of sweat near your hairline that glistened under the sunlight. "Stop, it was in the heat of the moment. It seriously was a mistake," he opened his mouth but you carried on. "Especially in the back of the bus, oh god, I'm really disappointed in myself," you zipped up your flare pants, not minding that your underwear is sticking to you.

"And I'm really disappointed in you too, for not giving me a chance," Jungkook said with knitted eyebrows. You sit away from him, making sure there was a good amount of space between the two of you. "Oh are you just going to ignore me now?" he isn't given a response, your tongue knotted together in your mouth. "So that's how it's gonna be now?"

You gathered your bag. The bus curving towards the upcoming bus stop. "This is my stop," you disclosed. He captured your forearm which quickly caught your attention.

"Don't be like this, Y/N." You shrug him off and walked out of the bus, leaving Jungkook and his gloomy thoughts behind.

"Shut up, stop playing with me!" Hayoon exclaimed, her eyes glimmered with interest as you filled her in on the day before. "You did not let Jungkook finger you on the back of the bus," she laughed out loud at her sentence, still not believing the words coming out of your mouth. You groaned and sunk your head back down on the table. "I mean gross, but hey, you're catching dick."

"I'm not catching dick, and stop saying it's gross it makes me even more disappointed in myself."

"I just don't understand how you can tell him you don't want him and tell him the reasons why and then let him finger you at the back of the bus?!" your face scrunched up at her words. "I seriously don't get it Y/N. It's like you're provoking the guy that's going after you and that's pretty fucked up. Play with his dick, not his emotions, oh wait—”

"I told him no multiple times."

"Then why the fuck would you let him finger you in the back of a bus?" Hayoon rubbed her temple before munching on a fry. "I think you do have a crush on him, you just don't want to date him because of all the girls he’s been with.”

You let her words settle in your mind for a moment, not even realizing that she held your hand in hers. "But baby, that's called the past. It's the least thing you got to worry about since you already know it. Take a risk, go out with him. He's ready to be in a serious relationship with you, he's been telling me this since Friday."

You sighed, lips forming a pout. "I don't know."

"Well make up your mind quick cause' he's coming this way," her words are rushed as she glanced over at Jungkook, who's heading over your way.

"What?!" you're just about to turn your head his direction when Hayoon grabbed your jaw.

"What are you doing you stupid bitch?! Don't look—okay, pretend like I'm not here, pretend like I'm not here!" she turned away from you and placed her earbuds in her ears.

"Wait does my hair look good?!" you caught her by the arm before she can leave.

"For who?"

You snapped her head towards Jungkook, who's already smiling at you. His black cap floated over his eyes as he dug his fingers into the pockets of his jogger pants. You coughed when you perceived that you were checking him out. "Um, no one. Just wanted to see if it's messy," you don't know why but your cheeks burned so hard, maybe at the fact that you know it is messy.

His hand came in contact with your head before he moved a strand of your hair that looked out of place before pushing your baby hairs down. You swatted his hands away, ignoring how your warm ears were tingling. "There, it's not that messy anymore. I brought something."

He sat down besides you. You eyes fluttered over to Hayoon. She spread a smirk out on her lips. While Jungkook continued finding the item he wanted to show you, something along the words that it was a jar. Her fist comes up besides her mouth, opening it slightly. Your cheeks become crimson when she began to push her left fist towards her mouth while her tongue kept knocking into her right cheek.

"Here," Jungkook placed a jar in front of you, the bright glittery letters mocking you. Swear Jar, it read at the front. "Every time you cuss, it's more money to my bank account."

Your lips loop downwards into a frown. Your eyebrows furrowed together in the progress. "Not fair, I told you I didn't want to be a sugar mama."

"Fine, this is both of our swear jar."

"Deal."

"Okay, now that that's out of the way, we can talk about yesterday," he put the glittery jar, he decorated last night for you, back in his backpack. A sudden weight pressed down on your shoulders at the thought of him bringing up what happened yesterday.

"Jesus Christ, what do you carry in there?" Hayoon added unintentionally and you're thankful for that. As much as she wanted to know about the encounter between the two of you, she also wanted to know what Jungkook carried in that big bag of his.

"Dildos."

"Wait, deadass?" she jumped up in her seat. I snorted at her, earning a glare. Jungkook's lips formed a line, specifying that he was joking. "Well fuck, it just looks like it's gonna break your back. Dude you know what that reminds me of?" she asked you. Your mind doesn't come across anything so you shook your head. "The Rosie girl? She was giving dildos out at this campus cause' she wanted to, quote, fight absurdity with absurdity. All over Twitter. Wish I could be there to get one."

Jungkook's eyes crinkled up as he laughed at her. The sound ringing through your ears, only to devaste you even more. "Can we talk about yesterday?" he leaned over and whispered to you.

You swore you felt his lips brushing against your ear. It stirred up your brain. "What about yesterday?" your hands started shaking and you hoped he didn't see how anxious you have become.

Luck wasn't on your side today however, his upcoming question boosting your anxiety even more. "Why are your hands shaking so much?" he grasped his bigger hand in yours.

You are quick to take it out of his. "We agreed that we wouldn't talk about what happened yesterday. It was a mistake I didn't—"

"No, you agreed that we wouldn't talk about it," his voice raised slightly to get your attention. Your mouth snapped shut. "We need to talk about it. How the fuck can you be playing with my feelings like this?" Hayoon whistled, mentally seeing eye to eye with Jungkook. "I want to have a chance with you, a shot at us. You give me all these mixed signals and then when I try to make a move on you, all of the sudden you act like a bitch Y/N."

"Well what do you want me to say? That I fucking like you back too?" you challenged and stood up from your chair. The students around you turned their heads over to you, watching the scene in front of them unfold. "How the fuck am I even playing with your feelings? I said I wanted to just be friends! I'm sorry that you're misinterpreted our friendship but that's not my problem!" you wished you could've shut your mouth but all you could see was red. Perhaps you were letting go of all the rage you’ve ever resented over him for the past months.

For ditching you to attend parties or being with other girls. For not always being there for you.

"What the fuck do you mean that's not my problem?!" he mimicked you, staring up at you. "You let me finger you and you expect me to believe that you just wanna be friends? Are you even listening to yourself?! You felt something back there."

Hayoon stepped in, walking over to the two of you. "Okay, I think you guys should just shut up," your eyes wandered around the room, where everyone was watching your interaction.

"Whatever," Jungkook's chair scraped the floor harshly as he pushed it back. He dug into his backpack before placing the jar in front of you. "You can keep that and this," he put down a package full of glittery hair pins, all different colors. Your heart wrenched as you watched him walk away, sullen. His steps are quick so he can take the attention off of him.

You turned the jar and saw that the top had words on it. Splattered in messy pink glitter, Sugar Mama's Swear Jar :D.

Jungkook was avoiding you. You could tell because he stopped coming after school to study with you, which was okay at first until you found yourself yearning for him.

It was stupid, really. After all that debate on how you two should just stay friends, you can't just tell him how much you miss him. That'll make you seem like an ass.

And trust me that's the last thing you want.

Your day was going bad, your professor yelled at you for not paying attention and put you in the spot, embarrassing you in front of the class. You were okay until a girl gave you a look of pity and you had a breakdown in the bathroom right after.

When you went to go meet up with Hayoon, it'll only got worse. She cancelled on you after forcing you to wait for her for thirty minutes. Just as you're leaving a group of middle schoolers thought it would be funny to step on a ketchup packet and let splatter everywhere, resulting in the back of your white top covered in dots of ketchup.

You swore you almost hit the kid who came up with it, even thought about running him over when you saw that the stains were everywhere and even in your hair.

After showering and getting the ketchup out of your hair, you went to work that ensued in you coming home with mascara practically running down your eyes, that were ready to pour out tears if something else happened to you, due to you wrongly mixing up orders and getting yelled out by a customer.

Now here you were, sitting on the living room floor with wet hair after taking another shower which mainly just involved you sitting on the tile floor and crying. You ate the Chinese takeout you have gotten during the way, ignoring the way people were staring at you, with sympathy.

It was the last thing you needed. Maybe karma was coming to get you for saying those things to Jungkook. But at this point all you wanted was some reassurance, a shoulder to cry on, someone to be there for you.

Jungkook.

You couldn't sleep. No matter how hard you tried you just couldn't. Hell, you even closed your eyes for a solid thirty minutes yet you were not able to drift off into slumber. Maybe it had to due with the weather? It was freezing, if you stepped a foot outside you would become an ice sculpture in an instant.

Or maybe, the most logical one compared to all the others, was Jungkook fingering you on the bus. You can't seem to get that scene off your mind. Your brain kept drifting over on how stunning he appeared, his dark eyes staring straight at yours as he watched your mouth form an O shape. He only ever broke eye contact when he snuck a look of how his fingers vanished into your pants.

Then your mind would stumble onto the memory of you yelling at him, telling him how his feelings for you were not your fault. You despised yourself at that moment. You sighed and laid back into your pillow, staring up into the ceiling. "I can't believe I am even having these types of thoughts," you slowly opened your legs while shutting your eyes. As long as you don't think about him, it'll be okay.

But you do. Sliding off your underwear, the first thing you thought about was Jungkook. His bunny smile rested on his face. You opened your eyes to get him off your mind and closed them again. You let out a gentle moan when you feel how wet you are.

He came back again. This time he settled right besides you on the bed. His hand is shoved between your legs. You moaned when he buried his head in your neck and kissed your skin there. "You like that, princess?"

You frowned immediately, he didn't call you any pet names. From what you can remember, he called you a degrading name.

"You like that dirty slut?" you mewled at him. He moved his fingers ceaselessly inside of you whilst breathing down your neck.

The sound of a zipper being undone makes your eyes crack open. You took a glimpse of Jungkook, his hand disappearing inside his jeans that displayed his muscular thighs.

You whined at him and he hovered on top of you. Your breathing got heavier as his cock sprung out of his jeans. "Oh god," you moaned as he slid himself inside of you so effortlessly. Your hands moved quicker inside of you. Feeling your wetness spill out of you and onto the mattress underneath you, you imagined him pounding into you. Your hands clamped on his long hair with your legs in the air as his hips furiously snapping into you.

It doesn't take you long to cum, given the fact at Jungkook's pace it seemed like he wasn't going to stop. He disappeared, leaving you sweaty and tired on the bed with your fingers stuck inside you. "Holy shit, I can not believe I just did that.

Recalling your words that were thrown at Jungkook, a heavy weight on your shoulder returned heavier as ever, reminding you how you practically lost your shot with him.

Shame on you for not giving Jeon Jungkook a chance.

"I think I was too harsh on him."

"You think? Don't lie to me bitch, you know you were fucking harsh on him," Hayoon stood in the middle of your room, scanning your closet for a dress she can wear to a party.

It was almost three days since your argument with Jungkook in front of everyone. You expected to make up with him on Thursday but Jungkook avoided you like you were the plague. He didn't text you for any notes he needed to borrow, nor did he usually come to study with you or leave you a sandwich. You never realized how apart of your life he became, especially when he didn't sit next to you for one of your shared classes. Instead, he chose to sit next to Taehyung, his best friend. It was Friday now and to be quite honest, you missed him.

"Don't trip about it. He could be at the party tonight, getting over you and possibly getting himself a girlfriend so you don't have to worry about him pinning over you. Now what the fuck should I wear?"

You didn't like the sound of that. Jungkook possibly finding another girl. Your consciousness settled back in your mind. How can you even say shit like that? You rejected him, you have no right to tell him not to move on. You sighed to yourself and laid back into the bed. "Maybe I shouldn't go. I don't wanna see him."

"I don't wanna see him." she dragged the straps of your orange dress up her figure. "Shut up because on Wednesday you kept asking why he wouldn't talk to you, like bitch I wouldn't talk to you either with that shit you pulled back there."

"Why not?"

"You're not serious right?" she turned back to you. She raised her eyebrow, challenging you. You groaned and followed her out of the room when she didn't receive an answer. "That's what I thought," you heard her under her breath.

"Not gonna lie, I think I'm gonna break my ankle with these bitches," you pointed down at your high heels, slowing down. You stopped to fix them. Hayoon carried on walking to her car, leaving you behind.

"You wanted to wear them. Now get in," she honked her horn. You hissed at her, reminding her that the neighbors are going to complain. "Don't give a fuck, get in loser we're going to party!" she honked her horn longer.

You ran to her car when you realized she wasn't going to stop. "You need the swear jar, you stupid bitch."

"Not even," before you could say something back, her music blasts through the car. She screamed out the lyrics, encouraging you to join along. "In your eyes! You lie but I don't let it define you—oh define you!"

"You sound like a dying cat."

"I tried to find—fuck you then."

Along the way you started to wonder how she even got her driver's license. Hayoon almost went on the sidewalk when she was tried to park which forced you to get out of the car and direct her.

"Keep going, keep going."

"Fuck, bitch you sure? I don't want another ticket for being on the red line," her head stuck out to make sure she wasn't going to hit the car behind her.

"Yes I'm sure—okay stop!" Hayoon shuts off the engine, stumbling out of the car. She laughed to herself before walking up to the fraternity house with you. "Okay, I forgot what it was like coming here."

The first smell that filled your nostrils was vomit. You glanced down towards the ground and saw a distraught girl on the front lawn throwing up while her friend rubbed her back. Hayoon advised you not to look, to give the poor girl some pity. Reluctantly, you entered the house with a clumsy walk. Hayoon noticed and suggested that you go have a drink. You at first declined but once your eyes scanned the room and landed on Jungkook leaning against a wall with a redhead clinging onto him. You made your way to the open kitchen. Unknown to you, jealousy boiled in your stomach.

So that's how you end up on your first shot of a tequila with a cup of vodka already resting in your liver. You weren't drunk, still you were not far from being tipsy. Conscious enough to see that Jungkook's eyes were on you while you downed the shot. Eyes focused on your throat as you swallowed. He exhaled, watching you pull out your phone and tap away. The red head girl right besides him, tried calling his name out to hook his attention. He brushed her off, muttering something to her that he didn't sleep around anymore.

His frustration grew even more when he saw you wandering over to the middle of the room where sweaty bodies were grinding on each other. Your flimsy black silky dress was not doing him justice either, seeing how tight it was on your figure. It showed off your curves well; he hated how good you looked. There was a big opening in the back that stopped near your hips. Should be a crime to look that good, he thought to himself while trying to keep his eyes on you.

Your hips swayed to the music blasting throughout the house. You opened your eyes, landing on Jungkook immediately. His eyes devouring you as he took a sip of his beer, eyes locked on your hips. You tried not to look at him again but still wondered what was going in that mind of his. You raised your hands up in the air, dress threatening to rise up.

Your curiosity got the best of you. Squinting one eye open to take a peek of Jungkook but you failed to locate him.

A gasp left your mouth as someone pressed their front on your back, rubbing their crotch on your ass. A whiff of the sweet scented Victoria Secret perfume gave the identity away. You tilted your head so that it laid on his chest. Confirming your thought, Jungkook stared down at you with dark eyes. His arm muffled around your waist to press you further into his chest. He felt his body go ease when he saw your lips bunch up into a smile. Your hips rocked from side to side on him. Jungkook held his hand on your waist, encouraging you to continue. You willingly do so arms flinging on his neck as you dragged yourself down his chest. His growing bulge poked your ass as you grind yourself on him. Your head laid back on him. Jungkook leaned down to meet your lips. His mouth entwined with yours, lip gloss rubbing off onto his mouth. You moaned into his mouth and sensed that his hand was harshly holding one of your ass cheeks.

"You wanna go upstairs?" He was somewhat taken back at your suggestion but agreed nonetheless. With his fingers keeping a firm grip on yours, the two of you went upstairs.

He guided you towards the room, which all winded up preoccupied due to freshman trying to lose their virginities. You cringed when you come face to face with someone's bare ass pushing against the lanky girl. Jungkook pushed you into the bathroom, telling a man to fuck off when he tried getting in.

"Hey," you glanced up from the floor onto Jungkook's eyes. He offered you a small awkward smile, warming your heart as if he wasn't rubbing his dick on your ass a few minutes ago.

"Hi," your voice sounded very small and Jungkook wanted to reach out and reassure you that he only came up to you to apologize, not to have you grind on him in the middle of the room. "I'm sorry," you began, eyes fixed to the ground. "Everything I said on that day was really fucked up. I care about your feelings. I care about you and I was giving you mixed signals and it's not okay."

"I'll be fine," his hand held your arm, rubbing it slightly. "It's okay if you don't return my feelings, I'll get over it—"

"But that's the thing I don't want you to get over it."

Jungkook blinked once, twice, and then another third time. Trying to comprehend your words while also trying to figure out what he was going to say was hard.

Your glossy lips moved. "I'm really willing to give you a chance and I'm so sorry for being such a cunt about it. I just—I needed some realization to understand my feelings. Truth is I've had a crush on you, but every time I saw you with these girls I always told myself I'm not good enough for you and that I'll never be. I’m also mad at the fact that you’re barely realizing your feelings towards me just now.”

He doesn't say anything which doesn't help your anxious state at the moment. Your gut scolded you, reminding you that you probably lost your chance and now you look like an idiot to him right now, confessing your feelings.

Jungkook sighed before embracing you. You stand still in shock from his sudden movements but chose to hug him back. His chin dropped down onto your head. "You're good enough for me, Y/N. You always have been and I'm sorry that it took me all these years for me to realize that."

"I couldn't stop thinking of you and all the shit I said. I'm really sorry from the bottom of my heart," you admitted.

His bulge pushed against you and your cheeks flushed warm. Jungkook didn't say anything but bent down to kiss you. His lips moved roughly against yours. Your fingers coming up towards his hair to run through them. His hands digging harshly into your ass, possibly leaving small bruises behind but you're unbothered by it.

You pulled away, enough to stare up at his eyes. "I seriously couldn't stop thinking about you. I fucking masturbated to you, just by thinking of the bus shit," you confessed, watching his face lit up in surprise.

"Yeah? What was going on in that head of yours?" he encouraged you. You giggled at him, his thigh coming between your thighs.

"Your fingers in my pussy," your cheeks burned pink as he coaxed you to go on. "Your big dick pounding in me."

The look on his face is priceless but it just stayed there for a mere second as Jungkook recollected himself. He couldn't believe what was coming out of your mouth, never in a million years would he ever imagine you of all people saying this. The warmth travelled towards his crotch as he hardened at your words. His friend of seven years, his crush for almost two years was here in front of him, revealing that she touched herself to the thought of him. A blissful comfort spread all over his body.

"Don't you want that to happen?" he didn't even realize how close you were, he was too caught up in his thoughts. "You don't want to fuck my brains out?"

Your thighs closed around his thick ones. You reached up to kiss his neck, pecking his soft skin. Jungkook grunted as you left open mouth kisses behind, gripping his hand and directing it near your hips.

"I can't do it here," Jungkook whispered to you once he grasped the circumstances. In a fraternity bathroom with people out there that can possibly hear you two? Jungkook would never allow himself to touch you here the first time you two have sex. You whined against him, rubbing your crotch on his thigh. "Shit, seriously Y/N? You're making this hard for me."

"What your dick? Why? I don't care where we do it. I just—I need it to happen—come on Jungkook fuck me," if your mind wasn't clouded by lust you would been very disappointed at yourself for what you were saying, but you could care less. He closed his eyes and tilted his head towards the ceiling. He was fighting with himself.

The only sound in the bathroom was the loud heavy bass music playing and the two of you heavily breathing. "Do you want me to go find another guy out there that can do the job for you or what?" you tried riling him up and it worked cause Jungkook was staring at you with dark hooded eyes. "Cause' I could walk out there and take any guy home with me do you want that?" you both know deep down you wouldn’t be able to do that. You’re too shy.

Jungkook came across as if something possessed him suddenly. His hair falling over his eyes slightly. His tongue came out of his mouth to moisten his lips. "Get on your fucking knees," Jungkook snapped, a hand going back to get tangled in your hair. You dropped down to the ground. "I wanna see your pretty tits," you pulled down the straps of your dress and got rid of your strapless bra, throwing it aside. "Well aren't you a desperate cock sucking whore?" you whined at him with your dress bunched up around your waist. "What don't tell me you like being called that?" he chuckled. Your cheeks flushed in humiliation.

You reached over to unzip his jeans. He merely let out a chuckle, extremely satisfied with your avidity. As you rolled down his boxers, his hand wrapped around your hair. "Look up at me, whore," your eyes jerked up to him. "Open your mouth," you gulped at the size, wondering if it was even going to fit in your poor mouth. He teased, rubbing the head of his cock on your lips when you did. Your jaw ached as you tried opening as wide as you can to please him. You looked up at him as he slid his cock in your mouth. He groaned, loving the warmth and wetness of your mouth surrounding him. He maintained the eye contact between you two whilst he carried on shoving his dick in your throat. You moaned and moved back once it hit your throat. But before you can, he gripped the back of your hair firmly and thrusted his hips forward. You gagged around him, tears brewing and ready to burst out. You extended your hands out to his thighs. He held your head in place, his cock shoving down your throat at an animalistic speed. "What a good little slut," he eventually praised you. "Letting me fuck her throat hard and shit," you shut your eyes.

You regret doing so. Feeling a tug to your hair, your eyes snap open and look up. "You get praised like a good bitch once and you think you can be a bad girl? I don't think so, whore," he stared straight into your eyes with his dark orbs devouring you. Your drool slithering down your chin. You peer up at him with desperation written all over your face. Your fingers glided down to your dress. You kept your gaze on him when your fingers entered your pussy, feeling how wet you are. "Are you seriously touching yourself?" he sounded thrilled at the idea. Jungkook stopped moving for a second, allowing you to suck on the head of his cock. He watched mascara run down your cheeks, feeling some sort of ego boost that he was making you look this way.

You nodded frantically, moving your fingers faster. You sucked him harder, your jaw throbbing as you attempted to deep throat him. He forced your head deeper so that your nose was touching his pubic hair. "I didn't give you permission, disobedient slut. You got three seconds to finish," he finished with a sullen laugh, knowing you weren't. "One, two–" Jungkook watched your eyes become watery as you hopelessly tried to get yourself to cum in just three seconds. "—three, take your fingers out whore."

You obeyed and showed him your fingers, glittering under the bathroom light, even though on the inside you were begging to be touched again. You thought of going against him. Jungkook let a cackle escape from his mouth. "Fuck, you're so fucking wet I bet you're fucking leaking out onto the floor."

You mewled, bobbing your head up and down. Releasing his cock out of your mouth with a lewd pop, you batted your eyelashes up at him. "I'm so fucking wet for you," he flashed you a quick grin, obviously content with your answer. He brought your fingers up to his mouth, sucking them off while maintaining eye contact with you. His tongue swirled around your finger as you repeat the same motion on his cock. He released your finger.

"You can use your hands," you pull away right after he said that. You pumped him rapidly, your hand moving back and forth. Your ears took in his grunts, feeling some pride for causing him to make those noises. He almost came when he felt your warm, wet mouth around one of his balls.

"I want you to cum on my tits." he agreed, staring down at you. Tension builds within his stomach as he groaned out loud. You gaped at him when his cum shoots towards your neck, aiming towards your breasts.

Jungkook's breathing became heavier as he came back down from his blissful state that he was in. He grew hard in a instant when he saw how fucked you looked. Your mascara running down your eyes, leaving a trail of black ink behind. Your hair was tangled together into a mess due to him gripping it so tightly. With saliva dripping down your red swollen smeared lips, his eyes drifted further down. The straps of the dress you were wearing were rolled out into your stomach, exhibiting your perky breasts that are smeared with his cum.

"You look like a fucked whore," he smiled at you with satisfaction resting in his mind.

You giggled at him, tucking your hair behind your ear. "Yeah, not just for you," you gazed up at him, a small smile on your lips.

He helped you get off the floor. His facial expression is now serious, indicating that he wasn't happy with your answer. Jungkook's fingers tapped the cold surface of the sink, indicating to sit down on it. You do so, opening your legs slowly.

He watched, eyes strictly locked in between your legs. "Who are you so wet for?" he asked.

You snorted and shrugged which only grew him more frustrated.

Jungkook growled and flipped you over. He bended you over the bathroom sink and bore his eyes into you by the mirror. "You wanna keep acting like a slut, you're might as well be fucked like one," you silently squealed in excitement. Jungkook lifted your dress up in one go. He pulled your underwear down, making you step out of them. "Put your leg on the counter," he commanded and you do as you're told. Lifting your right leg on the counter while the other one remained on the ground. You heard him frantically pull down his jeans. You gasped when you feel the tip on your entrance. He reached over for the condom on the counter.

"No!" you exclaimed. Jungkook stopped and looked down at your worriedly, wondering if you wanted to stop now. You gulped, feeling your cheeks burned in embarrassment. "Don't use one please." you whined. "I want to feel you raw."

You heard Jungkook chuckle from behind you. He felt like he was on cloud nine, he was fucking thriving. "Yeah? My fucking slut wants me to do her raw?" he started pushing himself. You held your breath as your walls allowed him to enter, tightening around his big shaft. His cock rimmed inside of you

"Y-yeah," you manage to choke out, staring at him through the mirror. He maintained eye contact to where your bodies connected, watching his cock sink into you as he held your hips in place. 

"Has any other guy fucked you raw, slut?" Jungkook brought his hand around your throat. You sensed that you could orgasm right there. You shook your head as he finally is inside of you fully. "What was that? Use your words, come on you're a big girl," he gripped your inner right thigh with so much strength, he could break it off if he tried. I mean those biceps.

"N-no only you. Just for you," he grinned at that.

"Good," you let out a loud moan when he started finally moving. His hips rutted into yours at an animalistic speed. He stared at you through the mirror, watching how your mouth opens and your breasts jiggle. He pressed your throat a little harder. "Bet no guy ever made you feel this way."

"Only you, Jungkook! Only you!" you manage to breath out. Your knuckles are almost white by how hard you're holding onto the counter. He lowers himself so his face is near your ear.

"Yeah? Look at you, telling me how I'll never have you yet you're over here drooling over my dick. Fucking whore." you whined harder as he breathed down your neck. You feel yourself began getting more wetter at his words. "Imagine what your family and friends will say when they find out you're letting me fuck you in the ass in a dirty bathroom at a frat party."

You shut your eyes, your pussy swallowing him back in. His hand squeezed your throat a little tighter. "Fucking slut," he snapped his hips at you. You moaned out loud, shamelessly. "On the dance floor dancing like one."

"Because I am one," he chuckled at that, fingers coming up to pinch your nipple.

"Yeah? Who do you belong to? Whose slut are you?" the grip on your throat tightened, not enough to block your airway however. Jungkook kept his eye on you through the mirror, your lips molding into an oval shape. His palm came down to meet one of your asscheeks. You jumped forward, Jungkook pulling you back onto his cock. He stopped moving to lock eyes with you through the mirror, his lips hovering over your ear. "When I ask you a question, I expect a fucking answer," you tried to move your hips a bit but he caught you before you can. "Now," his voice deepened. "Whose slut are you?"

"Your slut! I'm your slut! Jungkook, please—"

"Yeah? Scream when I fuck you so that everyone knows who your pussy belongs to," his hips rammed into you again. You swore you can feel him fucking into your cervix. You let a loud moan break free from your mouth, his hot breath fanned your ear.

A roaring pounding on the door snapped his head away. You whimpered and become aware that his pace was reducing as his attention was now on the other man trying to get in. Jungkook yelled out words that sounded fuzzy to your ears considering all you could hear is your heartbeat.

"No, no, Jungkook don't stop," you pleaded with him, twisting yourself to look at his lust filled eyes. "I'm almost there please!"

You almost screamed at him when he pulled out. He sat on the toilet lid, tapping his thighs that were spread out in front of him. "Ride me," he demanded. You're somehow quick on your wobbly legs, getting on top of him. You grasped his swollen red cock, lining it up with your entrance before sinking down.

Jungkook's hand went towards your hip to support you while the other one went further down to touch your swollen clit. His mouth came near your ear as you cried out his name. "If you don't come in the next minute, you're not cumming tonight, got it slut?" you panted but nonetheless nodded frantically.

And with that Jungkook sat back, watching you fuck yourself on his cock, you were basically using him as a toy and Jungkook loved that. The desperation look on your face was amusing and Jungkook stored in in his memories.

"Oh shit! Fuck I'm almost there," his palm travelled further down to rub your ass.

"Time's almost up," he wasn't actually keeping track but your determination to cum on such a short amount of time was adorable to him. Your thighs smacked his, bouncing on his cock faster. Jungkook's finger carried on rubbing against your clit, his eyes trailing down from your face to your bouncing breasts.

Your eyes rolled back as you heaved up. Your mouth opened wide, feeling your orgasm wash over you. Jungkook heard his name leave your mouth, panting. He almost came when he felt something warm soak into his jeans. Looking down, he became aware of what just happened.

"Fucking dirty slut," he hissed and allowed you to relax your head on his shoulder as your whole weight sunk down on him. His ears took in your sniffles. "Look what you did, squirted all over me slut."

Your cheeks burned in humiliation, nuzzling your nose into his shoulder.

You gasped when he lifted his hips up to meet yours. You cried out to him to stop but Jungkook's quick to silence you with his fingers stuffed in your mouth. Your tears threatened to spill. "You're so tight, fuck! Need to fuck you more, whore,"

It doesn't take long for him to sprout into you, judging the way you tightened around him and how fucked your face look when he looked down to meet your eyes. With his cum coating your walls, he slid out of you. A bit of cum came out and dropped down to his black pants leaving a white stain behind.

You attempted to stand out on your own but failed due to you not being able to feel your legs for a second. Luckily, Jungkook is there to help you. He bent down to help you put on your underwear.

"Are you on birth control?" he asked while zipping up his pants. You checked your face in the mirror, noticing the hickeys all over your neck and the mascara smothered down your cheeks.

You turned to look at him, pulling your dress down."Are you really asking me after we just had sex? Where's my bra by the way?" your face is met with your bra when he flung it at you.

He laughed, watching you put it on. "Yeah, seriously though are you?"

"Why? If I'm going to be your sugar mama I might as well be your baby mama." Jungkook looked stricken and you snickered, bringing your hand up to hide your mouth. "I'm joking," you wiped your face with some wet wipes you found in the drawers.

"Not funny, was ready to fucking make a run for it."

It was your turn to look stricken as Jungkook laughed. You frowned and slapped his chest.

It goes quiet, the loud bass music now coming back to fill your ears instead of Jungkook's moans. He stood awkwardly near the corner while you threw away the wipes you used to remove your makeup. Running your fingers through your hair, you turned towards him.

"So, does this mean that you're going to give me a chance?" the man in front of you standing like an anime character asked, as if he wasn't calling you degrading names a few minutes ago.

You smiled at him and lunged forward to kiss him. "Yes, I'll give you a chance Jungkook."

↳ in your heart; drabble collection

#jungkook fanfic #jungkook fluff #jungkook angst #jungkook smut #jungkook x you #jungkook x reader #fratboy jungkook #bts fanfic #bts smut #bts angst #bts fluff

[amerrierworld]

Rich & Creamy

request: Hey, can you write another fanfic similar to Naughty List? Something that’s like dom Carol again and female reader. Maybe Carol could take the reader out to dinner instead. Could this also be a really steamy smut? Basically smut in a public place haha. Thanks ;)

Summary: Carol takes you out, and gives you something sweeter than a diner meal.

Characters: Carol Aird x you

Word Count: 1,715

Warnings: sMUT! you know the deal; dom!Carol incoming, food innuendo and public sex/masturbation (?) :)

“Mrs Aird.. I don’t know if I can afford these meals,” you admitted as you stared, wide-eyed at your menu. It was an exclusive diner that the blonde had taken you to, and you felt inadequate, even while wearing the best outfit you had in your closet.

“Nonsense, this is my treat,” she puffed her cigarette, “get whatever you like. Really.”

“And how many times must I say to call me Carol,” she added, giving you a pointed but teasing look.

You blushed and buried your nose in the menu. Carol chuckled at your demeanour and calmly sipped her martini. 

Eventually you decided on the soup of the day; a delicious broccoli soup that was three times the price of what you expected broccoli soup to be. Carol nodded in approval as you ordered, 

“Their soups are always delicious,” she commented as the waiter walked away. “Always the perfect amount of thickness, and creaminess.”

Your face flushed with heat, and you sucked in a hard breath. Carol, on the other hand, seemed unaffected, putting out her cigarette in the ashtray.

“What did you get again?” you asked, having forgotten her order after working yourself up to order your own meal.

“The chicken breast,” she said, again not seeing the way you reacted to her words, “apparently it’s quite succulent, I’ve heard.”

“Oh.. how nice,” you managed to say, squirming in your seat.

At that point, Carol’s eyes flickered down to your body for a split second before meeting your gaze again, a smile growing on her face. You wondered if she was simply feeling bad for how uncomfortable you were in such a high-end diner.

You chatted a little while longer, tension easing a little as you discussed normal topics. Carol was an elegant, confident and well put-together woman in her prime, and you absorbed everything she said and did like a sponge. 

Your meals arrived perfectly on time, and you groaned at the smell as the plates were set down. Carol stared at you a moment, but you didn’t notice as you dug in. It was a wonderful soup, thick and delicious. The sounds you were making were hardly lady-like, and you slurped loudly on one particular spoonful.

Carol was cutting into the chicken, and you could see the rich juices flowing from the meat,

“That looks really juicy,” you commented. She raised an eyebrow.

“It does, doesn’t it. Do you like your breast that way, too?”

Realizing what you had said, you blushed, spoon nearly clattering back in your bowl. 

“Oh, no.. I meant..” Carol merely smiled at you, beginning to eat and leaving you with your own dirty thoughts.

You got dessert as well, two bowls of ice cream, because Carol insisted on the top quality of their desserts. You took your time with this meal, because it was more delicious than any ice cream you had ever had. 

You were still working through the meal, commenting on the beautiful flavours, whereas Carol had finished long before you. And watching you eat like that, with seemingly no shame in how you looked or what sounds you were making, it was making her very, very aroused.

Her foot suddenly, slowly, brushed against your leg, making you stutter. She had taken off her heel and her toes pressed against you with no issues at all.

“Shh, Y/N,” she shushed you, sipping her martini like it was the easiest thing to make you come undone. Which it was. 

“Carol- what.. what are you..” your eyes glanced around the diner, worried about anyone seeing you lose your cool.

“Hush, baby,” Carol drawled, her foot inching higher, “does it feel good?”

You dug your spoon forcefully into your ice cream as her toe rubbed against a sensitive spot along your thigh, and you nodded weakly. She grinned,

“Good girl. Want me to keep going?”

“What if someone sees?”

“No one will see. Don’t you trust me?”

You bit your lip, trying to act normal as you lifted the spoon up to your mouth again, your hand shaking uncontrollably. Carol seemed to be enjoying this sight of you immensely, and didn’t hesitate to press her toes against your clit, through your panties. You nearly choked. 

“That’s it,” she urged, “don’t be too suspicious now, hm?”

She rubbed in agonizingly slow circles, behaving as normally as possible, continuing your conversation from before. You squirmed in your seat, wanting more pressure. 

Then it stopped. 

Your eyes snapped up to Carol’s, her face neutral, her eyes blazing,

“I asked you a question, Y/N.”

“O-oh, I’m sorry. What did you say?”

“Am I really boring you so much? Tsk, Y/N, please pay attention,” she teased, “I said, what did you think of your soup?”

“Oh,” you breathed, as her toes began rubbing again. She must have incredibly strength in those calves, you thought, “y-yes it was really good.”

“How so?” her voice was low, thick, brimming with desire.

“It-it was..” your breath hitched, but you pressed on, “really rich. L-like, I just couldn’t stop putting it in my mouth.”

You could barely believe what you were saying, but Carol’s eyes darkened and that was enough to make you keep going,

“You were right about the creaminess.. so thick a-and.. addictive,” you gasped, “I wanted to put my whole face in the bowl.”

Then, suddenly, Carol’s foot was gone and she was rising up off of her seat, her coat in hand. She nonchalantly got out and was sliding next to you on your side of the booth. Her perfume enveloped you with how closely she was pressed against you. 

“I want to see you finish yourself off, sweetheart,” her voice was soft, low, and sent shivers through you.

“W-what?” she was putting on her large coat, leaning her arm on the table in a way that shielded you from the rest of the diner. Her head came low and she whispered,

“I won’t ask again.”

You bit your lip, trembling fingers making your way under the waistband of your skirt. Your cunt was dripping and your hand was immediately slippery. Your mouth dropped open and your head leaned back against the booth, your body sliding lower to stretch out your lower half and hide more of you from anyone.

“How wet are you?” Carol asked, her own breathing becoming heavier by the second.

“S-so wet,” you whined.

“Go on. Touch yourself. I want to see your pretty face when you come,” Carol’s voice was like a drug to you, “don’t you want to come for me, baby girl?”

“Yes, please,” you gasped. Your fingers found a familiar rhythm against your wet clit, rubbing hard but desperately trying to keep your noises inside.

“God, if you could see yourself right now,” Carol’s hand reached out to turn along your hairline, tucking some of it behind your ear. She then gripped your chin and forced your gaze to meet hers,

“Do you like this, sweetheart? You enjoy doing whatever I ask, don’t you?”

You nodded, gasping weakly.

“I enjoy it too,” she grinned. “I’d kiss you, but that might make it a little too obvious, wouldn’t it?”

“Oh- Carol,” you wanted her to kiss you so badly, wanted her to smudge her lipstick on your skin, wanted her to mark you, to feel her fingers where her toes had been. Her body was leaning over yours, and you dared a glance at her blouse, which was hanging low, giving you only a glimpse of her bra and the skin underneath. The sight made you rub yourself harder.

“Dirty girl,” Carol scolded, grabbing your trembling thigh with nails digging in through the fabric of your skirt, “just wait until we’re alone.”

The promise of more, to think of her dragging you into her bedroom, in the back of her car, in the bathroom of the diner.. you couldn’t help it. Your fingers increased their speed and suddenly you were flying off the edge, hips stuttering and your mouth hanging open. Carol was inches away from you, grinning at the sight, breathing in your arousal and sweat like oxygen. 

You were sticky everywhere. You were afraid to get up, wondering if you had stained your skirt and the seat below you. But Carol didn’t seem concerned at all.

“Such a good, good girl,” she cooed, “show me your fingers.”

You pulled them out, whimpering softly, showing the sticky remains of your cum. Without hesitating, Carol drew them into her mouth, skilled tongue swiping over each finger. You nearly groaned at the feeling, biting your tongue to keep yourself from making noise.

Once clean, she let you have your hand back, leaning back a bit and sitting face forward again. She reached for the spoon in your bowl of half-melted ice cream, and took a big spoonful,

“Hmm.. very creamy,” she commented, winking at you, “sweet.. but tangy, in the best way. To die for, really.” 

“Y-yeah,” you agreed. “M-maybe you should take some home.”

She turned her head and looked at you, calculating.

“Is that what you want? For me to take some home?”

“I mean.. it seems only fair. M-maybe I could try some.. too?”

“Is that so? You think you could handle this? It can be incredibly addicting you know,” her other hand was still digging into your thigh. You could see her chest heaving up and down. 

Over her shoulder you saw the waiter approaching and you steeled yourself, calming your breathing. 

“You’d be surprised at what I can handle,” you whispered back teasingly. She let out an appreciative chuckle and clearly wanted to reply, if it wasn’t for the innocent, polite waiter coming over with the bill.

Carol paid hurriedly, and you took the chance to rub your own leg against hers. Your skin was hot, sweaty, heated from your orgasm, and you could finally, finally, notice Carol losing her own cool.

“You seem a little overheated,” you commented, feeling more confident now that you had come. The waiter had left and she was grabbing her purse, fixing her hair, “are you sure you don’t want to take some ice cream home?”

Her eyes blazed, pulled you out of the booth, and said,

“There’s plenty of it at home. And you’ll be begging for seconds before the night is done, young lady.”

A/N: I’m going straight to hell, but that’s okay. Love y’all~

taglist: @the-obscurity​

#cate blanchett #cate blanchett x you #cate blanchett x reader #request #reader insert #reader #carol #carol aird #carol movie #carol fanfiction #carol (2015) #carol x you #carol x reader #carol/reader #carol/you #carolxreader #carolxyou #wlw #lgbt #fanfiction #fanfic #merry writes

[fangirljas929]

A Rare Day Spent Well | Kirishima x Reader fic

I haven’t written in so long and finally came up with something. Although it’s short this is something i’m extremely proud of because through all the stress of school and finals this picture with my favorite red headed shark tooth boy kept me going so I kinda did a short fic based off of it :) hopefully this’ll be my boost to start writing more and more!

Word count : 859

Warnings : none, just pure softness :3

Summary : You and Kirishima don’t get days like this often, so it was time for you both to take advantage of this what felt like rare opportunity.

Without further ado, I sincerely hope you enjoy! Feedback is very much appreciated as well ☺️

Dull skies, cool air and soft pouring rain, that’s what Kirishima woke up to that Saturday morning. It was the perfect day to do nothing, nothing than to be with his love. Their favorite food, warm drinks and cuddles, it was all set up nearly too perfect to be true but it was.

He didn’t want to wake you yet, as you still laid with soft strands of hair covering your face, your chest rising and falling as you breathed calmly. It made him smile, yes.. you were simply too perfect to disturb at that very moment. Instead he went to the kitchen of your shared apartment and prepared breakfast, fluffy waffles and crisp bacon with a cup of steaming hot coffee to top it off, just the way you both liked it. As he prepped the plates it didn’t take long for the mixed smells of food to wake you from your slumber. You wrapped yourself in a plush robe to avoid the cool air of the apartment and made your way to the kitchen, your voice still full of sleep as you greeted your partner.

“Well what a nice surprise to wake up to.” you smiled softly, hugging him from behind. His smile instantly matched yours while he set your plate and cup on the table across from his own, “good morning, princess.” Kiri said, greeting you with a kiss. You both sat and ate, your eyes veering to the window that showcased the full outside sky and now heavy but steady pouring rain. “Seems like today will be a lazy one if you ask me, how do you feel about that?” You questioned, your soft eyes meeting his scarlet onesie once more. He nodded his head in agreement while proceeding to clean the dirty dishes, after the long week you both had, with him being a pro hero and you keeping up with all of the busy paperwork and files at his agency he wanted to give you a chance to rest properly, he wanted to help in any way he could and the weather just added perfect touch.

You helped with the remaining tasks of tidying up then grabbed his wrist and dragged him along to your bathroom, you wanted to take a hot morning shower and you wanted for him to join you. You turned the water on allowing it to get hot then removed yourself of your night clothes and stepped foot into the shower, he soon followed suit. Neither of you were strangers to seeing each other bare, although you two were engaged and there were plenty of times it could be done not out of pure sexual desires. You listened to him speak as you washed and conditioned your hair, then washed and rinsed your body. The smell of your (insert favorite scent here) body wash mixing in with his warm scent of graphite. “So what’s today’s plan, sweetheart?” the male asked while grabbing two towels for you both to dry off. You ran it through your hair and went over to the sink to brush your teeth and wash your face. Upon conclusion of both minor tasks you looked at your red haired fiancé with a cute and loving smile, “nothing.” you say. “I want nothing more than to be laid up, cuddling with my baby, maybe watching a movie or even just listening to the rain.” You say as you put on one of his shirts and a fresh pair of panties.

With a clean body, you crawled back to your side of the bed and flipped the tv on, going to one of your various streaming sites to find a movie while he came next to you, shirtless and in black sweatpants. As soon as you found a movie to watch, you laid against the pillows and opened your arms for him. “Come here.” you instructed simply. Kirishima looked at you, quite strangely at that and questioned your actions while he moved, instantly laying on your chest. your boobs serving as his own personal pillows, the feeling making him sigh out softly. Your fingers tangled in his hair as it rested in its natural, down shoulder length state (you loved it when his hair was relaxed that way), knowing that feeling made him weak. “I’m holding you while we cuddle this time.” You say. “You held me last night, and made me breakfast, I want to do this for you.” He opened his mouth to protest, but you shushed him, cooing and humming softly so he’d give in and soon he did. You kissed his forehead and before you both knew it he was fast asleep like a baby as the movie now only served as entertainment to you which definitely didn’t last long.

Both of you were content with the day, a day well spent doing nothing. Nothing but peace, snacks, cuddles and enjoying the company of the one you loved most. These days were rare due to the busy schedules you both had, but when they did come you were both sure to take advantage of them because who knows when something like this would ever happen again.

#mha kirishima #kirishima x reader #soft kirishima #kirishima fanfic #ejirou x reader #kirishima ejirou #mha ejirou #ejirou kirishima #soft kirishima x reader #my hero academia #my hero academia fanfiction

[sleeping-on-cracking-ice]

Hi ! Hope you're doing fine !! I don't know if you still take requests... if not don't worry you can just ignore this ! Otherwise, I really like your post about Niragi and Aguni reacting to the reader having BPD/C-PTSD attacks... Now I'm very curious and interested about how you'll see the others characters ??

Have a great day ! And thank you if you did this !! Love your writing btw ^-^ ♥

Sure I can write this! Thanks so much for requesting! ♥

Alice In Borderland | Comforting the reader when they’re having a bad C-PTSD episode

{Alice In Borderland Masterlist}

Character(s): Arisu, Karube, Chota, Usagi, Chishiya, Kuina, Last Boss (Niragi and Aguni’s is here)

Warnings: BDP and PTSD episodes

*reader is gender neutral

-Arisu-

He’s definitely the type to get so worked up and worried

Arisu is such a sweetheart and seeing you in such a vulnerable situation would make him so scared

When you have a physical reaction to an attack (shaking, crying), he wouldn’t know what to do

He wants to help you but he would hate feeling so helpless and not knowing how to bring your breathing back to normal

He’d be the type to just keep you in a tight hug and run his knuckles along your cheek to try and calm you

Not being able to stop it would bring him to tears, so he would burry his face in your hair and sob quietly while at the same time shushing you with a quivery voice

Afterwards, he’d be willing to do anything for you

“What do you need? I can carry you to bed or bring you water or even cook you some food.” “Arisu, I’m fine. Just stay with me for a bit.”

*rest is under the cut

-Karube-

Ultra-protection mode on

But no joke, he would get so defensive and guarding of you

Since he seems like the type to get very worked up when the people he loves are upset or in danger

He’d be the type to act all tough and calm when you have an episode but in reality would actually be so shaken up and worried

Would make you keep eye contact with him to make you remember that he’s with you and that you’re okay with him

He would try his absolute best to stay calm because he knows panicking about you would only worsen the situation

Afterwards, he would be much more fragile around you

Even if you tell him you’re absolutely fine, he would just shake his head and pull you closer to him

-Chota-

I get the feeling he would know exactly how to deal with PTSD attacks

He’d be completely calm about it

He would be the first person you should go to if you were feeling stressed or if you thought an episode was building

During it, he would make you keep a hold of his hands and squeeze them to release tension

Brings you things like water and wraps his jacket around you

Makes you do breathing exercises and rubs up and down your arms to soothe you

After you had calmed down, he’d distract you by showing you something funny on his phone or telling weird stories about Arisu and Karube

But afterwards, he wouldn’t let you out of his sight

Wouldn’t let go of your hand and always be asking if you’re okay

He’s too sweet for his own good

-Usagi-

She would be really good in terms of comforting you

Sometimes she doesn’t seem like she conveys a lot of affection for the people she loves

But as soon as you’re put in danger or you’re having an episode, she would get so protective and motherly

She would notice as soon as you begin to feel stressed

Would hold your hand and bring you away from other people (like in an empty hallway at The Beach)

She’d keep your head on her shoulder and run her hands through your hair, giving you a soft kiss every now and then

You both would just wait it out, and when you’re finally calm, she would take you to the bathroom and clean your face with a towel and give you comforting hugs

If still weren’t feeling good, she would bring you to her room and lay in bed, cuddling with you until you both fall asleep

-Chishiya-

Chishiya’s not that amazing in terms of empathy and comforting, but he for sure would try his absolute best to make sure you’re okay

He would give you space, feeling as if touching you during your episode wouldn’t help much

He’d probably just rub your arm and keep a protective hand on your head so you don’t accidentally hit it on something

Says a few quiet words like “It’s okay, you’re safe now. You don’t have to worry.”

Afterwards he wouldn’t leave you alone

Like he would follow you around for the rest of the day and keep reminding you to drink water and making you steer clear of stressful situations that could potentially trigger you again

Shows his love through actions like tucking you into bed that night and bringing some food to your room so you don’t have to leave the comfort of it

-Kuina-

Also very good with it

I think she’d be a mix of both Arisu and Karube

Like super stressed and worried about keeping you safe but literally not letting anyone get near you because she’s so scared of your episode getting worse than what it already is

She’d be the type to bring you close to her and keep your head tucked into her neck, whispering reassuring words about how you’re with her and that she’s not going to let anything hurt you anymore

She’d carry you to her bed so your more comfortable and place soft blankets around you and give you something to squeeze

When you’ve calmed down, she would let out a breath of relief and give you a million kisses all over your face, telling you how much she loves you

Spends the next few hours relaxing with you, continuing to reassure you that you’re safe in her arms

-Last Boss-

Definitely the very quiet but caring type

Like when it happens, he wouldn’t say anything

He’d just pull you towards him and keep your head against his chest

Glaring at anyone who’s staring and telling them to piss off

He would wrap his jacket around you and push his face into your hair to comfort you

Pushes your hand under his shirt and against his chest so you can feel his heart beat and warm skin and focus on that instead

Becomes very clingy actually

Like he wouldn’t take his hands off of you

Always checking your hands to see if your shaking had decreased and wiping his thumbs under your eyes to gather the left over tears

Kind of like Karube, he would be concerned but wouldn’t show it much

Panics on the inside

Author’s Note: I don’t know a lot about BPD/C-PTSD episodes. I did a bit of research while writing this, but if there’s anything I’ve written here that’s incredibly misleading about this situation, please let me know and I can change it. I don’t want people to have an incorrect perception about these disorders due to reading this ❤

#alice in borderland #alice in borderland reactions #alice in borderland reaction #alice in borderland scenario #alice in borderland scenarios #alice in borderland imagines #alice in borderland imagine #alice in borderland one shot #alice in borderland one shots #alice in borderland headcanons #alice in borderland headcanon #alice in borderland x reader #aib #aib reactions #aib reaction #aib scenario #aib scenarios #aib imagine #aib imagines #aib one shot #aib one shots #aib headcanon #aib headcanons #aib x reader #arisu #arisu x reader #karube #karube x reader #chota #chota x reader

[a-small-batch-of-dragons]

Tell the Truth

Prompts: aaaa the way you write angst is just *chefs kiss* wonderful. I’ve been really enjoying the butterfly project series, it has made me cry multiple times. May I request some fluff to balance the angst? - anon

Excuse me while I sob over Redemption Never Came and politely grabby hand for more angst with a happy ending (Roman angst my beloved) (Also you are an amazing fanfic artist :D) - anon

This is so heartbreaking and whumpy but so soft in the end and I would devour a second part about everyone trying to help undo all the negative patterns they've all instilled in Roman and just showing him affection and everyone's hearts breaking a little more each time he's surprised they actually want to be around him. - LadyofhteWoods

And now a part of me wants to see all those scenarios again, only this time Roman gets loved- walk in the kitchen, get a hug. Sit on the couch? Cuddle pile. Go on a quest? Bring friends, if hurt, patch up and movies. Crying in bed because you had a bad time and your brain is screaming that you suck and a wave of depression has rippled through you and you feel horrible? Have some tea… cry it out…. We’re here. - A_tiny_star_prince

Read on Ao3 Part 1

Warnings: self-doubt, self-deprecating thoughts

Pairings: dlampr

Word Count: 7688

Roman lies. A lot. Maybe it's time they did something about it.

Roman’s lies don’t vanish overnight. How could they? When he’s so used to repeating them, over and over, in a horrific little mantra before he goes to sleep, how can he be expected to get rid of them in only one night?

That doesn’t make them less difficult to hear.

Janus is downstairs, helping Virgil fold up one of the blankets strewn about the living room, when he winces and hisses.

“J? You okay?”

Janus nods, jerking his head upward. Virgil follows his gaze and winces too.

“…Princey?”

“I think so.” That’s a lie. He knows it’s Roman.

“I got this,” Virgil says quietly, taking the blanket from Janus, “you go. He seems to let you help more than he lets us.”

He never really had the choice to let me.

Janus swallows heavily as he appears outside Roman’s door. The lies aren’t nearly as poisonous as they were a few days ago, but they’re strong enough to curl his tongue at the bitterness in his throat. He raises a hand to knock on the door.

The lies falter for a moment before another one floats through.

Don’t come in.

He smirks, gently pushing the door open to meet a darkened room.

“Impressive,” he says softly, making his way over to the figure in the bed and perching on the end, “that could’ve been one of mine.”

He’s rewarded with the quietest of huffs before a head shyly peeks out at him from the covers. Janus smiles and tilts his head.

“Hello, sweetie.”

“Hi.” Roman shuffles a little. “Sorry. Didn’t realize I was summoning you.”

“There’s no need to apologize.” Janus glances around the room. His computer is off and shut. The bathroom light and fan are off. He looks back. “Can I help, sweetie?”

A shuffling of the blankets that’s probably supposed to be a shrug.

“Let me come find you, then,” he murmurs, standing and moving to where the head was a moment ago, “how did you get this many blankets on top of you?”

He slowly starts to move them out of the way, peeling back layer after layer, only briefly wondering whether or not Roman can breathe properly under these. It’s a careful act, one he treats with the same reverence as cleaning his gloves or his scales, creating a little cocoon of blankets as he gets further and further into the covers.

The last one puffs just the slightest amount, up and down.

So you can breathe, good.

Janus doesn’t move this one all the way out of the way, just lifts it up enough to peer inside. Roman’s little face peers back at him, partially covered by another blanket clutched tight to his chest. He looks so…child-like.

The realization makes something warm turn in Janus’s chest.

“Knock knock,” he says softly, “anyone home?”

Roman blinks. “Mm.”

“May I come in, sweetie?”

“Mm.” Roman jerks his chin toward Janus’s clothes. “Lose the sharp bits.”

Janus snaps his fingers, transforming his usual clothes into a soft yellow shirt and sleep pants. “Better?”

“Mm.”

“How did you manage to get so many blankets balanced on your bed,” Janus asks as he slips beside Roman, “mine always fall off after three.”

“Practice.” Roman shifts to make room.

Janus frowns. “Come here, sweetie, let me cuddle you.”

“You don’t have to.”

The frown deepens. “Sweetie?”

Roman buries his face a little deeper into the blanket. “You don’t like cuddling. Virgil an’ Remus said so.”

Oh, Roman…

“Come, sweetie,” he insists, tugging Roman gently into a proper hug, “there.”

“But—but—“

“I may not be as big a fan of cuddling as you and Patton,” Janus says firmly, cupping Roman’s face, “and I’m certainly the type that enjoys being tackled by Remus—“

Roman snorts.

“—but you’re upset,” he finishes gently, “and I want to help.”

Burden.

Needy.

Don’t understand boundaries.

Don’t deserve help.

Janus hisses. Roman sighs.

“Sorry.”

“No need for that,” he assures, still cradling Roman’s face as he pulls him close, “I understand. It’s alright.”

“I know, and I—I don’t want you to leave, but—“ Roman swallows— “I just—I still don’t believe you’re here.”

Janus wraps a pair of arms around Roman’s waist and squeezes. “I’m real, I’m here.”

“I just—“

There’s another lie swirling in Roman’s brain, too nebulous to make it all the way to Janus, but present enough that it makes his mouth tingle. He leans down to kiss Roman’s forehead.

“…you said it was your job to protect the Ego.”

“That’s right, sweetie, it is.”

“I guess I…I just…”

Janus gives Roman another encouraging squeeze. Roman brings the blanket further up his face.

“…I guess I figured that if you—if you could h-hate me that much or h-hurt me that badly and not—not care, then you…maybe you…”

Janus’s heart clenches as the lie finally makes itself known.

Not worth protecting.

He pulls away, shushing the heartbroken whine that Roman makes, taking off his gloves and wrapping every arm around the poor thing. He presses another kiss to his forehead, letting the hiss out into his hair.

“That’s not true, sweetie,” he promises, “and you’ll never know how sorry I am for hurting you and letting it get this far.”

And the poor thing is so tired, so weary that he goes limp in Janus’s arms, save for the blanket clutched tightly to his face. Janus frowns, opening his mouth to say that might be a little uncomfortable, what with Roman’s arms tucked between them, when he starts putting the pieces together.

Roman is still wearing a fair amount of clothing, he’s got something pressed up against his face, under his chin, and he’s got so many blankets piled on top of him that even Janus feels warm.

“And here I thought I couldn’t feel more rotten,” he whispers, carding one hand through Roman’s hair, another scratching gently between his shoulder blades, “but you must be in agony.”

A questioning hum is let out against his throat.

“You’re still touch starved, sweetie,” he says in way of answering, squeezing a little tighter, “are you still cold?”

There’s a soft rush of breath as Janus cups the back of his neck and then a noise is just about torn from his throat as he uses it to pull Roman close.

“Oh, shh, shh, you poor thing,” he murmurs, pressing another kiss to his cheek, “I’m right here, sweetie, I won’t leave you.”

They lie there for a while longer, Roman’s arms slowly lowering the blanket until he shyly puts his arms around Janus in return.

“There you go, sweetie,” he encourages, “hold onto me, that’s it.”

“Why—why are you letting me hug you?”

“Because it seems like you’d like to hug me.” Janus squeezes him again. “You don’t need to have a reason, sweetie, if you need a cuddle, you can have one.”

I need a reason. I need an excuse. I need an argument. I have to convince you.

Another hiss. “You can always ask for hugs, sweetie, you don’t need to convince me to hug you.”

“…really?”

Oh, Roman… “Yes, sweetie, you can ask any of us.”

The wave of disbelief that hits him makes him grit his teeth.

“I promise, sweetie. I promise.” Another kiss to his forehead. “You’re not unwanted, you’re not a burden.”

The silence he gets implies that Roman may not want to prove that—or disprove it—for himself right now.

“…can we just stay here for a bit?”

“For as long as you need, sweetie,” Janus murmurs, settling them in for some rest, “for as long as you want.”

——————————

Patton is in the kitchen, the first one downstairs this morning. There’s already a pot of coffee brewing and he sets the kettle up on the counter. He reaches up to pull the mugs for everyone. The plain black one for Logan, the Nightmare Before Christmas one for Virgil, the sparkly one for Remus, and the blue puppy one for himself. He frowns.

Roman used to keep his mug down here too. This really big red one with a golden crown on the side. He hasn’t seen it in ages.

Footsteps on the stairs.

He turns and sees Roman walk into the kitchen, smiling brightly as if there’s nothing wrong in the world, not a seam or stitch of his prince costume out of place. He strides into the room like he owns it, as if he’s just come down the stairs in his resplendent palace to a crown of adoring onlookers.

“Ah! Patton!” Goodness, he speaks like it too. “Good morning!”

“Roman!” Patton rushes forward and wraps him in a hug.

This is where everything goes wrong.

Roman tenses. Not in a way that means he wants out, but out of sheer surprise. Patton waits for Roman’s arms to wrap around him but instead, there’s just a very, very soft touch to his shoulder.

“Patton,” he asks quietly, “are you alright?”

“Yeah, I’m great, kiddo, why?”

“W-well, you’re…you’re hugging me.”

“Sure am.”

“…why?”

Suddenly Patton feels very cold.

He pulls back, not enough to let Roman go completely, but enough to look up and see a truly heartbreaking look of confusion on his face. He can’t help the soft noise that comes out of his mouth as he raises one hand to his face.

“Are you asking why I’m hugging you?” Roman nods. “I want to hug you, kiddo. You’re hug-shaped.”

“I’m…what?”

“Hug-shaped,” Patton repeats, tugging him a little closer with the arm still around his waist, “you’re worth hugging, I like hugging you.”

“O-oh.”

And Patton has to watch as every scrap of confidence falls from Roman’s expression, his shoulders slump, and he looks like he loses some of his height, even. The shift is so drastic that it almost springs tears to his eyes at how much Prince Roman suddenly looks like a lost child, swimming in a costume too big and too heavy for him. Roman face contorts as he looks at a spot on the counter, furrowing his brow as if it’ll explain everything to him if he just glares hard enough.

There’s something fragile about the way Roman leans into Patton’s hand, something breakable about how warm he is right now. Patton shifts his weight to his other leg and there’s a flash of panic in Roman’s eyes, quickly stifled but there.

“Oh, kiddo, I’m not going anywhere,” he murmurs, pulling Roman back in for a proper hug, “I’m right here, it’s okay. You just let it out, okay?”

Roman’s breathe shudders a little into Patton’s shoulder. Then he starts pushing Patton away.

Patton listens, confused, until he watches Roman shake himself and put the mask of the prince right back on.

“Terribly sorry,” he says in the awful, awful cheerful voice as he rakes a hand through his hair, “don’t know what came over me.”

“Don’t,” Patton blurts before he can stop himself, “don’t do that, sweetheart.”

“Don’t do what, Padre?”

“Don’t pretend,” he says, reaching out for Roman again, “you don’t have to pretend you’re okay. Or that you don’t want something.”

“I don’t like being needy, Patton,” Roman says in a soft voice that’s just this side of wobbly, “and you don’t like me needy.”

And doesn’t that just feel hot and guilty in Patton’s throat?

“I like you, sweetheart,” he says instead, “and you’re not being needy if you want comfort or even just a touch. You’re allowed to want something, Roman, you are.”

Roman huffs in disbelief and turns.

“No, Roman—“ Patton hurries to get in front of him— “you are.”

Something flickers across Roman’s expression. Patton doesn’t even need Janus to tell him that Roman thinks he’s walking into a trap.

“I’m so sorry, sweetheart,” Patton says quietly, “I’ve hurt you so much, haven’t I? I’ve made you think that your job is wrong, that you—that you’re wrong and you’re not, kiddo. You’re not wrong. You’re not awful. I promise.”

Roman’s lip wobbles.

“Oh, come here, sweetheart,” Patton coos, wrapping him back in a hug, and finally, finally Roman’s arms come up to wrap around him too, before he’s being squeezed so tight it borders on painful.

Patton doesn’t care.

“It’s gonna be okay, sweetheart, I promise.” He rocks them back and forth a little as Roman buries his face in his shoulder. “We’ll figure it out, I know we will.”

They stay like that until the kettle goes off and Roman startles, jumping back a little bit. Patton soothes away the last of the jitters and smiles, watching Roman look like…Roman. Not the Prince, not the horribly lost child, just…just Roman.

“I think that’s my cue to make you the biggest mug of hot chocolate you’ve had since Christmas,” he says quietly, “now what mug would you like?”

Roman glances at the cabinet. “Anyone is fine.”

“Then why don’t you go grab one while I get the hot chocolate?”

Patton busies himself with the box, purposely letting Roman have his privacy as he picks out a mug, trying not to make his smile too blinding when he turns and sees Roman shyly hold out a big red mug with a sparkly crown.

“Good choice,” he says softly as he takes it from him, “I missed this mug.”

Judging by the way Roman’s mouth curls up in a little smile, he knows what Patton meant.

——————————

Virgil walks into the room and sees Roman sprawled out across the chair. He almost doesn’t see it.

He’s got to give it to Janus; even though he knows he can hear lies, he’s not sure he would’ve believed that they were actually coming from Roman. Because Roman looks the fucking picture of relaxed right now. It looks like he saw Patton and Logan on the couch and decided there wasn’t enough room for him to take up as much space as he wants. It looks like he’s occupying the entire fucking corner and not just the chair. It looks like he’s every bit the arrogant prince they used to think he was.

Then he sees how tight his jaw is and the slight tremble of his hands.

The room isn’t warm, there’s no reason for Princey to be shivering. There’s certainly no reason for him to be so tense as he sits in the chair, tapping a pen against his cheek in a fabulous impression of mindless thinking but is actually a carefully controlled way of preventing himself from moving any further.

He’s gotta hand it to him. Princey’s good.

Virgil walks up to Roman and shoves his hands into his pockets as Roman looks up.

“Dark and Stormy,” he says in a perfected casual lilt, “is there something I can do for you?”

And wow, okay, if this is what Janus hears all the time then Virgil has no idea how he fucking does it.

Janus hears lies, Virgil hears fears.

Please don’t make me leave.

If you want the chair I’l give it to you, I’ll move, I’ll sit on the floor, I’ll be quiet, but please don’t make me go. I want to stay, please, can I—can I stay? Is that okay?

Virgil tilts his head. “Move the book.”

Roman furrows his brow. “What?”

“The book.” Virgil nods to the notebook in Roman’s lap. “Move it. Move your arm.”

Confused, Roman does as he asks only to squeak in surprise when Virgil pronounces it perfect and plonks himself in Roman’s lap.

“Virgil!”

“Yeah?” Virgil pulls out his phone and leans his head against Roman’s shoulder. “What’s up?”

“You—you’re—“ Roman still doesn’t move— “you’re in my lap.”

“Sure am.” Virgil looks up at him and lowers his voice to a whisper. “No?”

Roman’s voice drops too. “What?”

Virgil indicates his weight. “No? This okay?”

“Y-yeah, it’s fine, I just—what?”

In lieu of a verbal answer, Virgil reaches behind him to take Roman’s free hand and pull it close, tucking it under his chin and clutching it there. Roman’s hand trembles. He finds himself absentmindedly running his thumb over the knuckles, the palm, the fingers. He keeps his eyes on Roman’s face.

Roman’s other arm lowers, gingerly resting on Virgil’s legs. Virgil smiles and squeezes his hand.

“I’m sorry, Princey,” he whispers, “I’ve been fucking awful to you.”

Roman’s face twitches. “…so have I.”

“What, been awful to me or awful to you?”

For a moment, he thinks Roman’s just going to say that he’s been awful to Virgil. Which, yes, he was in the past, but not like Virgil’s been. But instead, Roman opens his mouth and shakily whispers: ‘both.’

“I know, Princey.” Virgil squeezes his hand again. “You’re all good with me, and we can…if you want, I can help with the second part too.”

Roman’s eyes widen and godfuckingdamnit that hurts.

“I gotcha, Roman,” he says softly, lacing their fingers together, “and ‘m sorry I haven’t been there for you recently.”

Roman swallows, Virgil’s eyes drawn to the roll of his throat. “You…you want to help me?”

Roman, you’re gonna ruin my reputation of not having a heart by smashing it into fucking pieces.

“Yeah, Roman,” he reassures, “I wanna help you. You’re important.”

“I am?”

“Sure are, Princey.” He lightly knocks his head against Roman’s. “And if it ever feels like I don’t believe that, call me out on my bullshit. ‘Cause that’s bullshit.”

“What are you two muttering about over there?” Patton shakes his head fondly when Virgil decides to just turn his head upside down instead of turning around. “Virgil, that’s not good for your spine.”

“We’re metaphysical, Pop-star, who cares?”

“When you start complaining about neck pain,” Logan says wryly, “me.”

He glances up too and Virgil hides a smirk at how his face softens when he spots Roman’s expression.

“Is everything alright?”

“Yes, yes,” Roman says hurriedly, “everything’s fine.”

“It’s Hug Roman time,” Virgil says immediately after, “so I’m hugging Roman.”

“I think that’s less of a hug than you sitting on his lap,” Logan says, standing, “but we’ll never fit all of us on that chair.”

Virgil feels more than hears Roman’s inhale as Logan and Patton start moving the couch cushions to the floor. He sits back upright just in time to see Roman’s hopeful face and butts his head against his again.

“Come on, Princey, let’s go.”

“…are you going to stand up, or…?”

“Or you could carry me.”

“Virgil,” he hears Patton chide.

“No, no,” Roman says, “it’s fine, I can carry him if he wants to be carried. I will need my hand back, though.”

Okay, yes, Virgil does enjoy Roman carrying him a bit too much for altruistic purposes but it’s worth it when Roman goes to gently set him down and the other two pull him down instead.

“There,” Logan says softly as Roman’s head comes to rest against the base of the couch, “much better.”

Roman opens his mouth to say something when Logan’s hand tangles in his hair and it turns into a slightly strangled sound. Patton chuckles, wrapping his arms around Roman and sighing softly.

“Hey, who wants to play a game?”

Remus’s head pops up from behind the couch.

“We’re already playing a game,” Virgil says, “it’s called Cuddle Roman, now get your butt down here.”

Remus gasps. “My favorite!”

“Okay good,” Virgil mutters as he moves out of Roman’s lap to make room for Remus, “I totally thought he was talking about butts.”

“I have a feeling, my dear,” Janus sighs, striding from the shadows and totally not making Virgil jump, “that it’s both.”

Remus just cackles. Janus takes a seat, reaching out to take one of Roman’s hands in his. Roman frowns at him slightly, his head still spinning from the amount of people around him.

“What—is there something wrong?”

Janus shakes his head. “It’s Hug Roman hours. So I’m here.”

Vigil chuckles at the blush on Roman’s face. “So this is becoming a regular thing, right?”

“Oh, absolutely.”

“Indeed.”

“Yay!”

Remus just holds his brother tighter.

——————————

“…come in.”

“If you’d like to reschedule, Roman, it’s no trouble, I’m happy to…”

Logan trails off as he walks into the room, Roman’s back to him as he hunches over a table near the door to the Imagination. He shuts the door quietly behind him and tucks the notebook under his arm.

“Roman?” He takes a step forward. “Are you alright?”

“Never better, Specs,” Roman says cheerily, too cheerily, “just give me one moment and I’m all yours.”

Logan frowns. “If you’d like to reschedule, Roman,” he repeats, softer this time, “I can assure you, it’s fine.”

“No, no, that’d be rude.” Something crinkles in Roman’s hands. “Just—just one moment.”

There’s a heavy clunk and a barely contained hiss.

“Roman—“ he starts forward— “are you hurt?”

“Not hurt.” Another clunk. “Just…incredibly clumsy, it seems.”

“Can I help?”

If he weren’t paying attention, he would miss the way Roman’s shoulders tense with disbelief.

“N-no, that’s alright,” Roman says, the first time his voice has slipped, “I’m just…no, it’s alright.”

He jerks his head toward the desk, being very careful not to let Logan see his face.

“It’s over there, I’ll be with you in one moment.”

Logan looks, then walks over to the desk and carefully sets down his notebook. He glances up at Roman and can’t stop the soft noise at seeing Roman’s hands shake and fumble with a large bottle.

“Roman,” he calls softly, “Roman, please.”

Roman freezes.

“…please what?”

“Let me help you,” he says, walking over, “let me help you with this.”

Roman shudders and tries to laugh again. “You don’t need to busy yourself with inane and worthless tasks, Logan.”

Oh. Oh, dear.

“You’re not inane or worthless, Roman,” he says firmly, “nor are you a task.”

Roman’s shoulder is cold under his hand. He cups it nonetheless and leans closer, mindful to keep his gaze down and away.

“Please?”

Under his hand, Roman sighs. “…if that’s what you want.”

He’s not prepared for when Roman turns around, a bottle of micellar water in one hand and cotton ovals in the other. His makeup—done so wonderfully this morning—is smeared and wearing away, his nose bright red under the concealer. Logan lets out another soft noise, taking the proffered items and gently pushing Roman to sit on the table.

He takes one of the cotton ovals and gets it damp, cupping Roman’s chin in one hand.

“Let me know if anything starts to sting or hurt,” he instructs softly and starts to clean the smudges from his face. Roman sits perfectly still, his gaze down at Logan’s tie. His hands fold neatly in his lap and he looks every bit the cooperative ideal.

Except for the way he looks terrified every time Logan so much as shifts his hand.

“You are not worthless,” Logan says quietly as he works, swapping out the cotton ovals when needed, “you are not annoying me. You are someone I care about very deeply and someone I enjoy helping.”

Roman’s chin wobbles.

“I am always impressed by the ideas you create,” he continues after quietly bidding Roman to turn slightly, “and you never cease to amaze me with your creativity.”

Roman’s throat works against his hand as he swallows. “Remus—“

“Remus is Remus,” Logan interrupts gently, “turn—yes, there you go—and you are Roman. You are clever, you are kind, and you are wonderful, and I care about you very much.”

He takes a new cotton oval and takes Roman’s chin again, tapping gently until Roman makes eye contact.

“Close your eyes,” he bids, “and let me know if they start to sting at any point.”

Roman closes his eyes and Logan carefully, carefully starts to clean off the eyeshadow. The golden sparkles are stubborn, clinging to the skin, but he works patiently until the last of them come off. He realizes after that the oval is wetter than it was when he began.

“Oh, little star,” he breathes, glancing around and summoning a soft washcloth to clean Roman’s face the rest of the way, “it’s alright, you can cry if you need to. I won’t mind.”

“It’s stupid,” Roman mutters, raising a hand to swipe angrily at the tears, “it’s stupid.”

“If it’s making you upset, it’s not stupid.” Logan gently but firmly places Roman’s hands on his own shoulders and replaces them with the cloth. “Tell me?”

“I—it’s not even a quest.” Roman’s voice cracks horribly on the last word. “It’s just—I was making something and it broke and I—I worked really hard on it and now it’s ruined.”

Logan lets out a soft noise. “I’m sorry.”

His chest aches when the apology makes Roman shake himself. “It’s fine. Sorry, I didn’t want to just dump that on you.”

“I asked you to tell me what was wrong,” Logan chides, patting his cheek dry, “you’re not dumping anything on me.”

He sets the cloth aside and cups Roman’s face with his hands.

“And I am also sorry,” he whispers, “that I have made you believe that I do not worry about you the same way I worry about Thomas.”

Roman’s eyes fly open. “You—you what?”

“I care about you very deeply, Roman,” Logan says, “you’re very important to me. So yes, of course, I worry about you. You’re upset, and I’ve made you feel like you can’t come to me. I…I have not behaved well toward you. And I will remedy that.”

A new wave of tears meets Logan’s thumbs carefully swiping them away.

“Bonk?”

Roman leans forward and lets Logan rest their foreheads together. After a moment, his hands move to give Roman a proper hug, leaning up to press a kiss to his forehead.

“What were you making, if I may ask?”

“…just a house.” Roman sniffles. “It got destroyed in the last brainstorm.”

“Would you like help?”

“…don’t we have to work on the ideas?”

Logan smiles, resting their foreheads together once more. “This feels more important, doesn’t it?”

Roman’s small but warm smile is more than worth the extra hours they’ll have to spend working on the videos.

——————————

Somehow they forgot.

Somehow they forgot that Roman was scared of the dark.

It wasn’t common that thunderstorms plagued the Imagination, simply because—well, Thomas didn’t need literal brainstorms when he’s got Logan working with him. Sure, sometimes Remus decides he’s going to make his entrance extra cliché and arrive in a literal flash of lightning. Or Roman will create a field of flowers larger than the eye can see and soft bruised purple clouds will roll across the sky, quiet thunder and light rain that feels like a cushion.

But it’s never enough to cause a blackout.

For a moment, they’re all just confused. Thomas’s apartment is fine, Thomas is fine, so they don’t understand what’s happened. Then Remus points out that they, uh, maybe didn’t close the door to the Imagination as tightly as they should have.

He gets smacked upside the head for that.

So they’re here, in the middle of the dark, trying frantically to figure out how to not run into everything. Well, three of them are fine. Virgil can see in the dark. Janus can see in the dark. Remus can see in the dark.

“Is that because you’re the Dark Sides,” Patton mumbles as he puts his glasses back on for the fifth time in the past minute, “or do you each have some kind of ability?”

Remus smiles, even if Patton can’t see it. “It’s more fun!”

“That doesn’t—“ Logan pinches the bridge of his nose— “that doesn’t even answer the question, Remus.”

“I think you’ll find that’s his justification for most things,” Janus says wryly, taking Patton carefully by the arm and guiding him to sit on the couch, safely out of harm’s way.

Virgil elbows Remus to get him to put down the Morningstar, please, and sits down next to Patton. “How long is this going to take to go away?”

Remus shrugs. “Dunno. Probably won’t be that long. We all just gotta sit tight.”

Janus raises a hand to his mouth—not that Logan can truly appreciate his expression—and mock gasps. “Remus, suggesting that we don’t do anything?”

“Oh, fuck off, Snakey.”

“Language!”

Remus blows a fat raspberry. “Even I know it’s a bad idea to try and do something right now. I mean ask Roman—“

It takes a moment for them to realize that Roman isn’t sitting there.

“We should go get him,” Logan says after a moment, “just to make sure we’re all in the same place.”

And with that, Remus is off, stomping up the stairs and conveniently forgetting that two Sides can’t see past the little pinpricks of light at the bottom of the windows. Virgil rolls his eyes and makes to stand, only to frown.

“Virgil?” Logan touches his elbow when he notices him pause. “Are you alright?”

“Feels like I’m being summoned.” He rubs his chest absentmindedly. “But not really.”

“Well, let’s just keep an eye on—hey!”

Virgil doesn’t even hear the end of Logan’s sentence before he’s yanked into another room.

He blinks, disoriented, shaking his head to figure out where he is. Only when Remus bursts up the stairs and pouts that how dare Virgil sink out to beat him here does he realize why he’s here.

Judging by the way Remus’s face falls a second later, he does too.

Remus knocks lightly on the door. After a moment, he curses and goes to knock louder.

“Don’t,” Virgil mutters, grabbing Remus’s arm, “you’re gonna freak him out more.”

“Well, I can’t just blow the fucking door open,” he growls, shaking him off, “that’s gonna make it worse.”

He opens his mouth but another sharp tug from his chest makes him wince. “Okay, then don’t bust it down. Just—oh, god, we gotta get in there.”

“Don’t gotta tell me twice.”

Remus doesn’t rear back and kick the door open, which says something about how concerned he is. They can’t see much of anything except for—

—oh.

Oh, no.

Roman notices immediately when the blackout happens. How could he not? He’d been in the middle of trying to sort out his journal for the day when suddenly he was drowning.

Oh god.

Oh, god.

Within an instant, his chest seizes. He can’t see. He can’t see. There’s something—

No. No, it’s fine. He’s in his room. Everything is fine. Because he’s safe. He’s in his room, he knows where everything is, he knows what everything is in here, he’s fine.

There’s nothing here to be scared of. There’s nothing here to be scared of.

So why is Roman so scared?

He shouldn’t be. He shouldn’t be. He’s a prince, for Disney’s sake, he’s the protector of the Mindscape, he’s—he’s—

He’s Prince Roman. Not some newly minted squire crying because he’s away from home for the first time and it’s all dark and scary and he can’t see anything because he doesn’t know what’s going on and he can’t tell where anything is and he swears he can see things moving in the shadows and—and—and—

Roman shoves his fist in his mouth before he can whimper.

No. No. He’s fine.

He’s fine.

…besides, what would the others say?

He’s a prince. He’s Roman. He’s not some scared weak thing. He’s just—he’s just—it’s—it’s—

They can’t see him like this. He’s supposed to be strong. He’ll never be taken seriously if they don’t see that he can be strong. They don’t take him seriously already, do they? Let alone if they could see him in the dark, alone, hyperventilating, terrified.

But he is.

He’s—he—

Something moves.

Oh, god, something moved.

He freezes, goes absolutely still, tries frantically to still his heaving chest, be small, be unnoticeable, his pride doesn’t matter right now, it doesn’t, he’s not gonna be hurt if he can’t be seen—

“Ro-Bro?”

His next inhale is a whine.

No, no, not Remus—he can’t—not Remus, Remus is strong, Remus will laugh at him, Remus loves the dark, he can’t cry in front of Remus, not for this—

“Oh, Ro-Bro,” he hears through the haze, “Ro-Bro, I’m so fucking sorry, I forgot, hey—hey—“

He won’t cry. He won’t cry. He won’t cry.

“Hey,” Remus calls, tugging carefully at the hand clapped over his mouth, “hey, don’t do that, Roro, you’re gonna hurt yourself, stop it, it’s gonna fucking hurt if you do that, you know that—“

The sob that tears itself out of his throat as Remus pries his hand away hurts his ears.

“Hey, Roro,” Remus soothes, taking his hands and squeezing them firmly, “hey, you gotta just be here for me, you focus on me, okay?”

“Re—“

“Come here, Ro.”

Remus scoops him up into his lap. To hell with whatever is twisting around in the shadows, Remus is holding him in his lap, rocking him back and forth and Remus is of the dark.

A rush of shame through his stomach and the first real sob into Remus’s shoulder hurts.

“Nuh-uh, Ro,” comes the mutter over his head, “don’t hold it in.”

The shame only grows. Then Remus tightens his grip until it’s all he can feel.

“I’m right here, Ro, I’m right here. It’s okay. You can be scared.”

“N-not scared.”

A gentle hiss in his ear as something—someone presses against his back and more arms than he can count wrap around his chest.

“Shh, shh,” Remus murmurs as he starts, “it’s just Janny.”

“Boo,” Janus whispers as he presses a kiss on his shoulder. Why—why is he here—did he—did he lie too much? He’s not scared, he’s not scared—

“Shh, sweetie,” he whispers as Roman starts to flinch, “I’ve got you, you’re okay, sweetie, stop that. We’ve got you.”

“You’re scared, bud.” Is that—is that Virgil? “Hey, hey, buddy, we got you. I’m sorry, Roman, I forgot you were so scared of the dark.”

Can’t be scared, can’t be scared—

“Shh, shh, sweetie,” Janus murmurs, “stop that. You’re allowed to be scared, it’s okay. You don’t have to be ashamed of it.”

Virgil presses closer, nudging Janus’s head out of the way and replacing it with his own. He leans down to nuzzle into the crook of Roman’s neck, finding the place his collar digs into his neck and loosening it. Curse him. Curse him.

“Hey, bud,” Virgil murmurs, “you’re okay. You’re okay.”

“N-no—“

Janus hisses gently in his ear again.

“No—“ Roman’s breath hitches— “no, no, no—“

“Roman,” comes Logan’s warm voice from somewhere above him, and no—

“Give him to me,” he hears again after a moment, and when he feels Remus’s arms begin to loosen and Janus pulls away he mewls—

“Hush, little one,” Logan says softly, gathering the poor prince into his lap, “you’re safe, you’re right here, it’s just a blackout.”

“You’ll—“ Roman hiccups, his hands still pushing Logan away from him— “you’ll laugh—“

“Never,” comes the chorus, Logan’s arms firmly around his waist. Then another pair of hands covers his and pulls them away.

“Hey, kiddo,” Patton murmurs, gently but firmly placing his arms around Logan’s neck so Logan can cuddle him properly, “sorry it took us a little longer to get here, we had to take it slow up the stairs.”

“Pat—Pat—“

“It’s okay, sweetheart,” Patton coos, crouching down to run a hand through his hair as Logan tucks him into the crook of his neck and Virgil rests his head on his shoulder, “we’re all here, it’s okay.”

“Stupid—st—stupid,” Roman mumbles, “I’m stupid—“

Another hiss, followed by a kiss to the nape of his neck. “Stop lying, sweetie,” Janus whispers, “stop it. You’re not stupid.”

“I’m a prince afraid of the dark,” Roman spits out, disgusted, “of course I’m stupid.”

“Falsehood,” Logan murmurs with more tenderness than Roman can remember, “you’re not stupid. You’re not.”

“I’m crying because I’m afraid of the dark,” he spits again, “I’m af-fraid of the dark—I’m afraid of the dark, I’m—I’m afraid—“

He’s afraid of the dark.

Patton presses a kiss to his forehead. “I don’t like the dark either, sweetheart.”

“You’re—you’re not—you’re not crying—“

“No, I’m not.” Another kiss. “But you are, Roman, and that’s okay.”

“Come on, Princey.” Virgil butts his head gently against Roman’s. “You just gotta breathe first, okay? We’re not going anywhere.”

Remus calls from somewhere over his shoulder—what has he been doing? Where’s he been?— “come on, I got all the pillows.”

“Re?”

“Come on, Ro-Bro,” Remus murmurs, appearing at his other shoulder, “close your eyes.”

“It’s already d-dark, Re.”

“I know, but I don’t wanna get the blanket in your eyes.” Suddenly, there’s a swath of fabric hitting him in the face. “It’s just for a moment, Roro.”

“Ready?” Logan scoops him up. “Up we go.”

“H-how can you see?”

“He can’t,” Janus says, suddenly appearing behind him, “but I can. Come now, my prince, we’re just over here, come on…”

Roman lets out a soft noise of surprise when his back hits something soft.

“Snap yourself into something more comfortable, sweetie,” Janus murmurs, “we’re all just going to stay here for a while.”

Patton takes his hand and kisses the back of it as Logan helps tug down the t-shirt he’s poofed himself into.

“I’m sorry,” Roman mumbles, “I’m sorry I’m so scared.”

“None of that now, sweetheart,” Patton chides, cuddling into his side—oh, Patton’s in soft things too now— “you’re gonna be taken care of now. We’re right here.”

“I’m right here, Ro-Bro,” Remus says, promptly flopping down over Roman’s legs, “and no one else is going anywhere.”

Virgil huffs, curling around his head and ruffling his hair. “He’s right, Princey. Just relax for a little.”

“H-how long is the blackout going to last?”

“I don’t know, sweetie,” Janus says, snuggling into his other side, taking his hand between two of his, “but we’ll be here the whole time. Now please, sweetie, breathe.”

He tries. But it’s still dark and even though he knows the others are here, he can still feel the darkness pressing in on top of him. He can still see things moving in the shadows. He can feel it. He can see it. It hurts.

“Roman,” comes Logan’s voice, warm in the dark, “Roman, listen to me.”

“L-Logan?”

“Yes, dear,” he says, “it’s alright. Virgil is by your head, and he can see in the dark.”

Virgil gives his hair a little tug. “Right here, Princey. I’ve got you.”

“Patton is on your left. He won’t let anything hurt you.”

“I’ve got you, sweetheart.” Patton kisses his cheek. “I won’t leave you.”

“Janus is on your right. He can also see in the dark, and it’s his job to protect you.”

Janus leans down to kiss his temple and squeezes his hand. “My prince,” he murmurs tenderly, “my sweetie.”

“And Remus…”

“Nothing’s laying a fucking finger on you, Ro-Bro,” Remus growls from down by his feet, “they’re gonna have to get through me first.”

Logan chuckles. “See?”

“L-Logan?”

“I’m right here, little star,” he says softly, “what do you need?”

“W—where are you?” Roman’s hands tense in Patton’s and Janus’s. “Where—I—I can’t—“

“Hush now,” Logan says, so softly, so softly, as a hand cups his cheek to brush away his tears, “I’m right here, I know you can’t see me. I’m sorry. I know it’s dark. I know you’re afraid. It’s okay, my dear, shh.”

Roman tries to reach out for him only to be thwarted by the grip on his hands.

“Hush, Roman, it’s alright, what can I do?”

“S-stay, please, stay—I want you to stay—“

“I’m right here, can I—“

“Please—“

He almost sobs again with relief when Logan lies down, his head tucked over his shoulder, curling his arms about his waist.

“We’re right here, sweetie,” Janus murmurs, “we’ve got you.”

“I’ve got you, sweetheart.” Patton kisses the back of his hand.

“It’s okay to be scared, Princey.”

“We won’t let anything happen to you, Roro.”

It takes another half an hour for the storm to end and the lights to flicker back on. Roman stays tucked up in their arms, their soft words in his ear, gentle hands wiping away his tears, until he can blink up at all of them and murmur ‘thank you.’

“Of course, sweetie.”

“We’re here for you, Roman.”

“It’s no problem, Princey.”

“We’ve got you, kiddo.”

“All you gotta do is ask, Roro.”

——————————

Remus knocks on the door, the present in his hands. Roman opens the door and tilts his head.

“Re?”

“Can I come in, Ro-Bro?”

“Yeah, yeah, come on.” Roman shuts the door. “What’s up?”

“This is for you,” Remus says, holding out the box.

“Oh—Remus, I didn’t—I’m sorry—“

“You didn’t miss anything, Ro,” Remus says quickly, “and I’m not expecting anything in return. Just wanted to give you something.”

He shuffles.

“And I, uh, I also haven’t really apologized for the shit I’ve done to you, so…it’s that too.”

“O-oh.” Roman clutches the box. “Thank you, Remus. Can I open it now?”

“Sure.” He watches as Roman carefully opens the box and pulls out the stuffed octopus.

“Oh, Re, this is so cute!” He holds it up, looking at the little face. “I love it, thank you.”

He turns it over.

“Wait, what’s…”

“It’s a mood toy,” Remus says quietly, “if you flip it this way, it’s happy.”

The cream side of the octopus has a little smiley face.

“And if you turn it inside out—“ Roman flips the plush so that a red face frowns at him— “it’s sad.”

Roman’s eyes widen and he looks up at Remus.

“I know you find it hard to ask for things,” Remus says, edging a bit closer, “so I thought this could…help.”

“Re…”

“And I—oof!” Remus lets out a grunt as Roman tackles him onto the bed. He chuckles, his arms wrapping tightly around his brother. “I’m glad you like it Roro, just promise me you’ll use it?”

He gets his request a few days later.

It’s been quiet, Thomas is taking a break, and they’re all in various corners of the living room. Janus and Virgil are lazing about in the patch of sun by the window, Patton is in the kitchen, Logan is working on something on his laptop, and Remus is toying with the grip on his Morningstar.

Roman walks down the stairs and he’s clutching a little red octopus.

“Hey, Ro,” Remus says quietly, hopping up and scurrying over to meet him as he comes down the stairs, “you wanna go be alone?”

Roman shakes his head, pushing gingerly into the living room. Remus turns to see everyone paying attention to them, including Janus, who’s sat up fully and is reaching out to Roman.

“Come here, sweetie,” he calls, “is your brain being a bastard?”

Distantly, Remus hears Patton huff at the language but no one says a word as Janus gathers Roman into his chest, bending to murmur softly in his ear. Virgil scoots closer, acting as the guardian, letting Roman relax with the knowledge that nothing will surprise him right now. A gentle tap on Remus’s shoulder and he turns to see Logan, who bends closer.

“What do we do to help?”

“Help me make a mattress big enough for all of us?”

Under Logan’s guidance, Remus manages to make a normal mattress with lots of comfy blankets and pillows. Patton comes from the kitchen with a glass of water set on the table near the three on the floor. He pauses as he turns and quickly sets a cup of tea next to it.

Roman’s grip on the octopus doesn’t lighten up, even after he’s been in Janus’s arms for a while, even after Logan’s gone over and helped Virgil walk him through coming out of the spiral. Janus walks over to Remus and Patton and quietly tells them they should try and get them all to eat something. Nothing too straining for Roman’s system, but something.

Patton brings out a few bowls of snack food and sets them at the foot of the mattress. Then he goes and gently cards his hands through Roman’s hair.

“Come on, kiddos,” he says softly, “let’s move to the mattress.”

Logan scoops Roman into his arms, depositing him safely in the center of the mattress, little red octopus in tow. The rest of them cuddle around him, some Disney movie playing on the TV. Roman eats, then lays his head on Remus’s shoulder. Logan takes Roman’s free hand into his lap and cradles it there, stroking it with his thumb.

About halfway through the movie, Roman turns the octopus so that the cream side smiles at the screen too.

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If you want to be added/taken off the taglist let me know

#dragonbabbles #fic #sanders sides #roman sanders #roman angst #logan sanders #deceit sanders #janus sanders #sympathetic deceit #remus sanders #sympathetic remus #patton sanders #virgil sanders

[spencerreidscoffeecup]

Beautiful Boy (blurb) (comfort fluff)

Summary: Spencer feels insecure about his body, but reader cheers him up :)

CW: body image issues, talk of gaining weight, talk of not eating, crying, struggling to eat, kissing, comfort fluff <3

AN: Hello my loves! I hope you guys enjoy this one shot. I've been feeling bad about myself lately and I like to express my emotions through writing so I hope you enjoy this one shot! If you want me to do a one shot like this but y/n is insecure, let me know! (This one shot is kind of a blurb btw) You all are amazing, beautiful, smart, and talented and I love each and every one of you! If you need to talk to anyone, PLEASE message me and I'd be glad to talk. You are not alone, even if it may feel like you are. <33

note: i barely checked it for mistakes, so if there are any, please ignore them lol

Reader's POV:

Spencer was a such a beautiful being.

I loved everything about him.

His bright aura that beamed so brightly around him made it impossible not to see what a kind and caring type of man he was. He was amiable and well-liked when it came to the people he surrounded himself with.

Everything about him was beautiful. His personality, his smile, his whole entire face, his body and soul. He was so pure, yet he felt so damaged inside.

The fact that he thought so lowly of himself made my heart wrench in my chest.

--

Spencer had been out on a case in Arizona for two days before he got home one Tuesday evening.

I was drying off in the bathroom from just being in the shower when I heard the door to our apartment open and close. Quickly, I got into a purple sweater of Spencer's and some sleep shorts, as well as purple and blue mismatched socks.

Walking out into the living room to see where he was, I found no trace of him, only seeing his satchel hung up on the rack we had by the front door, his black converse stacked ontop of one another in the small wooden cubby under the rack his satchel hung on.

My eyebrows drew together as I called his name out before hearing small sniffles coming from our bedroom. Upon further inspection, I saw Spencer, his back turned away from the door as he sat on the edge of the bed in our room, hunched over slightly as his arms were wrapped around his waist.

"Spence?" I asked sweetly, my tone soft and tender. I walked over to him to see small tears falling from his eyes, my chest tightening at just the sight of him.

"The case must have ended poorly", I had thought to myself, getting on my knees in front of him as I tried to get a better look at him.

"Spence, what happened? Did the case end badly?"

Spencer made no effort to respond with words, only responding with a slight shake of his head.

"Then what's wrong baby?" I asked, bringing a hand up to his knee as I rubbed it soothingly, trying to pry an answer out from him. Instead, Spencer turned away slightly, trying his best to hide his tears from me. "Hm?" I hummed, combing my fingers through his hair before I stood up, sitting behind him on the bed. I softly kissed his back, getting on my knees as I pulled some hair back from his face, kissing his neck gingerly.

After a moment, Spencer turned to look at me, his eyes red and swollen; his tear-stained cheeks a light crimson. He sniffled some more, his lower lip quivering slightly before he wrapped his arms around me tightly, nuzzling his head in the crook of my neck. My shirt began to get damp with his salty tears as I shushed him, sobs breaking from his throat, his breathing shaky. I combed my fingers through his chestnut hair. I knew that he was probably seeking solace at the moment, so of course I gave it to him right away.

"I h-hate the way I look-- the w-way I am." he cried softly, his sniffling increasing.

My heart practically shattered at his words as I pulled his face away gently with my hands that cupped his cheeks.

He looked so broken.

"What happened?" I asked gently, feeling the corners of my eyes soften.

Spencer swallowed thickly before responding. "On the case I brought some work shirts with me, and I've worn them throughout the years.. I mean ever since I started at the BAU, but none of them fit me anymore. T-they were all tight on me."

I felt my heart sink as I sighed softly before bringing his head back to my shoulder, Spencer grasping the material of my sweater firmly.

"Spence, our bodies change all of the time. You've been working out and eating more," I whispered through his soft whimpers, guiding him with me to lie down on the pillows behind us. "Your body has changed. And you look amazing. You always have. You're the most beautiful person inside and out...but now that you are getting stronger, your body is acclimating to that."

I felt Spencer angle his head upward to lay a soft kiss on my neck before nuzzling back into it, my arms wrapped around him as I wove my fingers through his hair.

"I love you," I whispered.

"I love you," Spencer responded, his voice still cracking with emotions that had seeped through; his breathing still shaking as his sniffles lessened. However, I still felt some tears roll off his face and onto my neck, but I paid no mind to it, my only goal was to show Spencer how amazing he was and how much he meant to me. It was quiet for a few minutes, his breathing starting to become less rapid. "I-I haven't eaten much these past few days. I haven't felt like I deserve food." he murmured.

"Love, you deserve food.. Your body deserves food. Do you want to eat right now? I have some thai food I ordered for the two of us tonight." I suggested, feeling Spencer tug me towards his body, pulling me impossibly close to him.

"Can we sleep for a little first? I haven't gotten much rest either."

"Of course, love."

Spencer pulled away a little to look at me, his eyes no longer filled with tears, nor did they have the essence of stress that laced them like earlier. They were puffy and red, his lips swollen and a dark pink from his incessant biting, but he smiled lovingly at me, and I mirrored his look. He pulled me close again, kissing my lips gently and with so much care.

"Spence, you are so amazing, smart, and beautiful. You're perfect. And I know it may not help but I will love you no matter the circumstances. Even if you lose or gain weight, it doesn't matter to me. The only thing that matters is that you're healthy, safe, and happy." I whispered against his lips, peppering a small kisses on them.

I pulled away to see that his face had lit up with a small blush.

Spencer slotted his lips over mine, tugging me close to him as he littered my face and neck with small kisses. I didn't expect an answer or response from him. He didn't need to answer me. His affection seemed to have answered all the questions in the world.

--

Spence and I had fallen asleep, our limbs perfectly woven together as we breathed in each other's calming scents.

I missed this.

I missed him.

Of course I knew he had only been gone for a couple days, but I still couldn't help but feel emotional when he would get home from cases.

His job was extremely dangerous, and the fact that he had such an amazing team that kept him as safe as possible to come back to me made my heart happy.

I don't know what I would do without him.

It had been around two hours since he had made it home. Meaning we had slept for about an hour and a half. I gently pried myself from his deadly grasp, walking to the kitchen to heat up the thai food that had been sitting in the fridge for several hours now.

If he wanted to eat, that would be great.

However, if he didn't feel the need to eat anything I wasn't going to force him. I just knew that food is what he most definitely needed after all of this.

I set some water on the table, dishing the food out onto plates as I heard Spencer call my name sleepily from our room.

My heart fluttered in my chest, my stomach filling with so many butterflies it was nauseating.

I walked into our room, seeing Spencer half awake, his eyes barely open.

"C'mere," he croaked, making grabby-hands towards me as I giggled. I walked over to him, kissing his forehead as I sat on the bed. Spencer smiled lazily, "Thank you for being you and making me feel better."

"Of course, Spence. Although I'm not really sure how to be anybody else." I joked, kissing his lips softly, Spencer chasing mine as I pulled away. I kissed him again. "There's food on the table. If you don't want it you don't need to eat it, but I think it would make you feel less sleepy." I said, combing my fingers through his hair, Spencer nuzzling his head into my palm like a small kitten would with its owner.

He nodded softly, sitting up and taking my hand as we began to walk to the kitchen.

He sat down at the table, looking down at the food nervously.

"I-I don't know if I should eat," he frowned, shoving his food around on the plate in front of him.

"Okay, you don't need to eat. You can just have something tomorrow. But if you really are hungry but you feel like you don't deserve it, remember-- you do. Your body needs fuel, and you deserve to eat something delicious." I said, rubbing his hand under the table.

Spencer nodded, taking a bite of the chicken that sat in front of him. He chewed a few times before digging into his rice.

We began eating, Spencer only focused on eating his rice and vegetables and not his chicken. Which of course was fine by me as at least he was eating something.

After about twenty minutes, Spencer cleaned the table as I washed my dishes. He wrapped his arms around me as I finished washing out a ceramic bowl. Resting his head on my shoulder, he pulled my hair back from my neck and kissed the soft tissue. I smiled, drying my hands off and kissing his lips.

"Hey, you want to take a bath with me?" I asked, and Spencer nodded fervently, bending down to kiss me once more before following behind me to the bathroom.

The rest of the night was calm and filled with so much love. We sat in the bubble bath, saying our I love you's and sharing small touches and kisses.

I had so much love to give him that it felt almost impossible.

But I was going to try and gift it to him.

Because he deserved all the love in the world.

--

I think that one of the greatest misfortunes is that we, as humans, are unable to truly see our own beauty. We cannot see how we look when we have a genuine laugh. We cannot see how we look when we smile brightly around others. We can only see what we wished we looked like. We can only see what we look like in pictures and in videos. And since our cellular devices do not hold the ability to show what we look like in the eyes of a fellow human, we feel bad about ourselves when we look back at the picture or the video.

I like to think of it like this: Have you ever taken a picture of the moon with your phone?

If you have, the picture probably came out to be blurry, maybe sort of lackluster. But when we put away our devices and tilt our heads back to look at the beautiful craters that indent the white glow of the moon, we believe that it is one of the most mesmerizing things. That nothing can compare to the way the moon looks on a clear, dark night; the stars twinkling around the celestial body which makes it all the more ethereal.

Fact of the matter is: our eyes are sneaky little things. They make us think that we are looking into a funhouse mirror when we look at our reflection. We may think our head is too big or too small. Or that our teeth are crooked and yellow.

But I truly believe one thing, which is that our beauty 'flaws' is what makes us all the more beautiful. The stretch marks that lie paths on our skin make us look all the more beautiful, all the more grown. The skin dimples that rest so gently upon our soft tissue creates a look of realness, which is something I find so adornful.

Because in reality, our bodies are most beautiful when we show off our so-called flaws.

#fluff #bodypositivity #criminalminds #spencerreidxreaderfluff

[darthkruge]

Could you do an imagine where Anakin comforts an insecure reader

Anakin Skywalker x Reader ~ Insecurities 

Summary: Anakin comes home to find the reader drowning in their own insecurities and does everything he can to make it better.

Words: 2.2k

Warnings: Heavy talk of insecurities, including the reader feeling insecure about their body, personality, relationship, basically themself in general. A little bit of blood and some injuries but nothing major. Angst to fluff, I’d say?

A/N: Hi anon! First off, I hope you’re okay. Secondly, thank you for requesting! And ofc I’ll write this, comfort fics are my shit! I tried to get this request out as quick as I could and it did take a tiny bit longer than I wanted, but I wanted to do it justice. Also, y’all are beautiful and perfect and I love each and every single person reading this. If anyone ever needs anything, I’m here always. If you wanna talk or vent or just share some of your thoughts, I got you. 

(not my gif)

It was just one of those days. You weren’t a stranger to them but, nonetheless, you always felt unprepared when they hit. The feeling where you wanted to crawl out of your own skin, your own mind. Where regardless of what clothes you wore, you hated how you looked. The thoughts were the worst part, telling you lies that felt terrifyingly like truths. 

You’re worthless. You’re unlovable. You’re ugly. Everyone else can see it. They all know. No one really wants to spend time with you. You’re annoying. You’re stupid. You’re a bad person. 

The thoughts spiraled and spiraled and spiraled until you were lost in your own head. When it came to this, you frequently fell. It was too painful to hold onto your consciousness and fight it, so you let go. The thoughts continued as you curled back up in your bed, in the apartment in Coruscant that you shared with him, the one that normally brought you such comfort, and stared blankly at the wall. Tears streamed down your face and you didn’t even have the energy to wipe them away. 

Truly, the worst part was feeling so defeated. You were a strong Jedi and you took your training seriously. You’d fought in countless battles, you should be able to handle one in your mind. You wished you were strong enough to fight against these thoughts. The shame you felt around your insecurities only made you feel more alone. Instead of reaching out on days like this, you just forced yourself into silence. 

You were especially afraid to tell Anakin. Your beautiful, perfect, kind, loving boyfriend. He didn’t deserve to deal with you. He had enough on his plate, it wasn’t his job to comfort you because you weren’t strong enough to deal with your own shit. You were scared that once he saw how you viewed yourself, he would come clean and admit to seeing you the same way. I mean, you were so obviously hideous, how could he not see it, too?

Meanwhile, Anakin was finishing up a training session in the Jedi Temple. Normally he’d train with Obi-Wan, but today he wanted to focus on himself. Honestly, he was a bit distracted. Since he had a busy day today and you had the day off, he had to leave before you woke up, which he absolutely hated. He loved being there when you woke up and cooking breakfast for the two of you. You’d been dating for a few months and he was truly shocked that you’d kept him around for this long. You were everything he’d ever wanted. 

He realized he was smiling as he thought of you and decided to reach out with the Force to be reminded of your presence. He knew it wasn’t what the Force was supposed to be used for but he honestly couldn’t help it, he missed you. You were a comfort to him and he liked to check and make sure you were alright. 

Anakin’s brow furrowed as he searched for you. Normally, you were meditating at this time and he could feel a sense of serenity and contentment around you. Today, however, he was met with pain. Pain, and fear, and hatred, and sadness, and anguish, and loneliness. Anakin braced himself against the wall, stumbling back at the severity of your emotions. Right after, he composed himself and took off in a run, trying to get to you as quickly as possible. 

“Y/N? Y/N?!” Anakin yelled, bursting through the door. He was immediately taken aback when he noticed that all the lights were off. Walking quietly, he heard your sobs coming from the bedroom. He went in and felt his heart shatter. There you were, his angel, curled under the blankets, sobbing. He looked around and noticed the mirror in your room smashed. He walked over and gently placed a hand on your back, trying not to startle or upset you more. 

You looked up at him and started crying even harder. He pulled you into his arms and noticed how you fell limply into his chest. The fight seemed to have extinguished from your eyes, causing him to hold you even closer. Your arms weakly surrounded his middle as his hands stroked your back and gently combed through your hair. 

You felt lost and trapped, the world around you fuzzy and distorted from the tears. Even so, you felt him. You breathed him in, inhaling his comforting scent and feeling his warmth. He helped you ground yourself, the broken wails eventually quieting into soft cries. Anakin didn’t try to shush you, he just whispered reassurances into your hair, let you get it out, and held you. “I’ve got you, love. It’s alright, get it out. I’m here, I’m here. I’m not going anywhere. I’ve got you.”

You listened to those affirmations as you sagged into him, taking a few more minutes to just lay there. Softly, Anakin pulled you away from him so he could study you. You saw his face contorted with worry and immediately felt guilty. Great, Y/N, now you’ve made him upset. Fuck, he doesn’t deserve this. Why did I have to be so fucking needy?!

Your thoughts were interrupted by him. “What happened, angel?”

“I-” You trailed off, not sure what to say. “I just had a shit day”

You could tell he knew it was more and, feeling vulnerable under his intensely caring gaze, brought your hand to move the hair out of your face.

Quickly, you heard Anakin take a sharp inhale of breath before grabbing your hand. Ouch. You looked down and noticed the cut on the back of your hand. It had mostly dried by now, thankfully, but the pain from punching that mirror earlier was definitely still registering. 

He wordlessly went to the bathroom and brought out some gauze and anti-bacterial medicine. When he returned, his eyes drifted to the mirror and you saw him putting the pieces together. He spent a few moments in silence, his expression downcast. He worked quickly, bandaging you up and collecting his thoughts. “Why?” He asked, softly.

“I don’t know. I couldn’t stand to look at myself anymore” You whispered, wiping away some residual tears from your eyes. 

“Y/N, you’re gorgeous, love. Please, angel, please look at me.” He cupped your face and moved you so you were in his lap, making sure you heard every word. “You are truly the most breathtaking person I’ve ever met. You’re ethereal.”

Anakin’s voice was quiet as he told you these things. Quiet, yet powerful. Almost as if it was the gentle caress of his innermost thoughts. Completely honest and raw, yet too intimate for anyone to hear except you.

“I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry your brain is lying to you. That must be so hard, fighting against your own mind. Baby, you’re brave. You’re so, so brave.”

You were shaking your head, “Ani, no, no I’m not. I’m not brave, I didn’t fight. I let them consume me. I was drowning and I couldn’t breathe until you came in. I couldn’t anchor myself at all, I was so weak” You said, disgusted with yourself. 

“Shh, shh, Y/N, listen. You are strong because even though you felt the weight of everything on your shoulders, you didn’t drown. I know you felt like you would, but look! You’re here. You didn’t drown.” He took a second to pause, kissing your forehead lovingly. “Do you want to talk about what brought this on?”

“If I tell you, promise you won’t think differently of me?”

“I promise. Nothing could change how I feel about you.”

You inhaled deeply, hands shaking slightly. Ani took them in his own, steadying them while looking at you deeply. “I’ve been dealing with some shit for a while and I think it all kind of caught up to me today? I hate how I look, Ani. I look in the mirror and I can’t handle it. That’s why I broke it, I just, I couldn’t. And then I was just thinking of how you don’t deserve to deal with someone like me. You shouldn’t have to come home after a day of training and deal with my breakdowns. I know I should have told you I’ve been feeling like this. I just was terrified. I was terrified you’d agree with me. I’m terrified you’ll leave me. I’m terrified you’ll wake up and see how you deserve so much more than the shitty fucking messed up person I am.” You trail off and meet his eyes, tears glistening in both of yours, “Ani, I’m so terrified” You finish, voice wavering. 

Anakin rests his forehead against yours, pressing kisses to your hands. He lets his eyes close and tears fall down his cheeks. He couldn’t believe you were in this much pain and he never noticed. You were the love of his life and he felt like he’d failed you if you feel like this. 

“Y/N, I’m not gonna leave you. I’m not going anywhere. You are the best person for me, hell, you’re the best person in the entire fucking galaxy. Everyday I wake up and think about how lucky I am to call you mine. You’re smart, you’re kind, you’re compassionate. You’re stubborn as hell and I love that about you. You challenge me and you’re a damn good Jedi. You’re strong, stronger than anyone should ever have to be. Your heart inspires me everyday. Simply, you’re good. And I know I said it a bit earlier, but I’m gonna say it again. You are stunning, love. Truly.” Anakin said, pulling away so he could really see you. 

“Look at your legs! They’re so pretty, baby. Especially when you jump up and wrap them around me after I get home from a mission? That’s the best feeling in the freaking world! And your stomach! You always let me rest my head on it when I’m tired and I know you think it’s weird but it’s such a good angle because I can lay there and play with your hands. And, baby, your arms!! You give such good hugs and you when wrap them around me?? It makes me feel safe in a world full of chaos. And at night when you use them to curl into me, or when we’re dancing together? Fuck, I just love them.”

Anakin trailed off for a second. He held your face in his palms and you leaned into their warmth. “And you’re face, Y/N. It’s just so perfectly you. When I look into your eyes, I know I’m home. I guess that’s what I’m trying to say. I don’t understand how you can hate your body when it's the body that makes me feel like I’m going to be okay. You make me feel like I’m going to be okay. I’ve always felt so out of control, so lost. But you ground me. Please, come to me if you ever feel like this again? You are not a burden or a messed up person. You’re everything. I’m here for you. I know my words won’t fix anything overnight. Even so, I promise you, I will repeat them everyday until you believe them and, after that, I will continue to remind you until my last breath.”

You hugged him and nuzzled into his chest, overcome with emotion. “I’m trying Ani, I’m really trying. It’s not easy for me to come to people when I feel like that but I promise I’ll try.”

His arms tightened around you and he placed a kiss on the top of your head. “That’s all I could ever ask of you, love. Thank you for being willing to try”

“Thank you, too, for talking me down today. It doesn’t normally get that bad. Some days are worse than others, you know? But you really helped me. I love you more than anything. I love you for loving me when I feel unlovable” 

“I will always be here to remind you how deserving you are of love, happiness, and every other positive thing in the universe. I love you, too. I’ve loved you for years, I love you now, and I’ll love you forever”

Anakin hadn’t really let you go since he returned to the apartment. He was naturally a protective person and hated to see you hurting. He was so soft, so comforting. Although vulnerability is always hard, he made it so much easier. You knew he would always validate you, comfort you, and be there without judgement. He was everything you could possibly need and more.

Eventually, your breathing evened out as he rocked you in his arms. Anakin layed you back under the covers and went to pull away to sweep up the broken mirror’s glass. As he attempted to release himself from your arms, you whined and only tightened your grip on him. Anakin smiled and chuckled quietly, laying down and pulling you on top of his chest. You hummed contently and he placed a few more soft kisses onto your hair, your forehead, your shoulders, everywhere. You were his top priority always and he wanted to keep you safe physically, mentally, and emotionally. He could never deny you comfort, especially not in this state. After waiting a few more moments to ensure you were truly at rest, Ani closed his eyes. The glass could always wait until tomorrow...

#anakin skywalker x reader #anakin skywalker imagine #anakin skywalker x you #anakin skywalker x y/n #anakin skywalker imagines #anakin skywalker fluff #anakin skywalker angst #anakin skywalker x insecure reader #anakin skywalker x gender neutral reader #anakin skywalker x gn!reader #anakin skywalker #anon #requests

[ciggylungz]

Pray to me

word count. 4,077

Warnings-like probably the most risky smut i’ve ever written, church sex, wild stuff (sorry)

Pray to me:

(A random little smutty one shot relating to my bad boy harry series, it’s not going to affect the story line so just imagine this is another au for my au that’s an au. I just gave myself a stroke writing that.)

__

Detention.

A ‘punishment’ Harry Styles was used to getting by now, he was in his third year of Catholic high school and to say he has gotten his fair share of detention slips is a gross understatement. You’d think being surrounded by crosses would help subdue his cursing yet Harry didn’t seem to inherit the same fear his classmates did by the ‘word of god’ that was crammed down his throat every day. So, it wasn’t exactly tolerated when the boy strung a slew of curses together to describe the head Priest, or when he got caught smoking spliffs in the boys bathroom when he was supposed to be in math and well, those choices led him to where he is now. Slouched in a pew whilst the head nun was giving him a proper tongue lashing and explaining to him that he was to clean the chapel from top to bottom, smooth any creased pages in the 300 bibles that were stacked in the rows of pews, get any gum off the under side of them as well and wipe down the stain glass windows. The school had called his mum to tell her he would be home very late that day knowing the job would take a solid 4 or 5 hours to complete and that’s if he rushed it. To say he was pissed was putting it lightly, yet the biggest shock was yet to come when he heard the heavy wooden doors open and slam again as another person shuffled inside.

“Miss Yln, you’re here. Mister Styles here can tell you the duties you both must complete, here are the keys lock the doors when you both are finished. We’ll expect to meet with you before mass tomorrow to get a proper apology once the work if finished. Right-o, chop chop kids.”

The grouchy wrinkle faced nun thrust the keys into an anxious Y/n’s hands while she shuffled her way towards the exit, giving a careless slam of the 20 pound doors causing both Harry and Y/n to flinch. Harry was genuinely surprised to see Y/n there with him, he’s used to seeing her at mass or in line at confessional but detention? That was a new one for her. He took his time standing from his seat, cracking his back and neck whilst he settled onto his feet, casting a curious glance at the girl who stuck out like a sore thumb in the somber hostile environment. He knew Y/n well, he considers her a friend which is rare since he’s not the friendliest of people around town. Yet he liked Y/n, she was cute as button and what teenage boy doesn’t find an innocent girl wearing a catholic school uniform appealing?

“well well well miss sunshine, what did you do to get yourself this torment?” Harry gave her the quick once over, using his typical teasing nickname for the girl just to get her cheeks to blush a bit and help lighten the mood. Y/n blew out a breath out through her plump glossed lips, subconsciously stomping her foot a bit in annoyance which Harry thought was funny, and also cute. “I accidentally said a bad word in class! James tricked me into saying it and Sister Amy heard and gave me detention.” Her pout grew further when the boy chuckled at her attitude. “How did he trick yeh into saying somethin’?” Y/n grunted a bit, very peeved and mentally hexing James for what his actions caused her, “He said hold your tongue while you say apple…” Harry at this point was letting out a belly laugh, just imagining Y/n’s face when she realized she’d said asshole and finding humor in how ditzy she could be sometimes. “You fell for that? Did you not have a childhood? I thought everyone knew that trick, hon” Y/n simply smacked his arm and tossed the keys onto the nearest surface. “Shush Harry” her little finger pointed at him, trying to be serious but he found it comical. His hands moved out to poke her sides, knowing exactly how ticklish she was feeling content as Y/n squirmed and squealed. Adorable giggles falling from her lips and making the chapel seem a bit less creepy, her tiny hands trying to push his biceps back to free herself from his tickling fingers. “Ah! Harry!-“ she was trying to speak between her laughs, the boy one year her senior smiled, dimples sinking into the flesh of his cheeks, “Dunno what you expected, love. You thought you could tell me to shush?! no one tells me to do princess.” “Okay! Okay I’m sorry! I take it back!” after what seemed like an eternity to Y/n, but was only a few ticks over a minute Harry finally let go, smiling down at her while he ruffled her hair chuckling to himself while she tried to straighten her uniform back out. “That was not a fair fight Harry, you had an unfair weight AND height advantage!” y/n stuck her tongue out at him. “Hey, you started it bossy pants. You’re lucky I didn’t throw yeh over m’ shoulder and tossed yeh around. You got off easy this time missy.”

Harry wasn’t typically so playful and relaxed, he couldn’t bring himself to be so cold around Y/n. How could he? She’s sunshine personified, the real version of the rhyme ‘sugar, spice and everything nice’.  The girl was the only thing that kept him from dropping out. Y/n makes day to day bullshit tolerable for him…and well she also has given her inspiration more than once when he couldn’t sleep at night and resorted to a quick wank while mumbling of dirty phrases topped off with her name to send him off to dreamland.

 _______________________________

After some more shenanigans, the pair got to work on their scheduled tasks.  Y/n had started in the bibles in the first 6 pews on the right side of the chapel while Harry dug through a supply closet to get a ladder out to wipe the windows. He was contemplating if he should pretend to fall and collect an insurance claim instead of actually cleaning the 12-foot art pieces but he decided against it by the time he found what he was looking for. After setting the ladder up and grabbing the giant duster Harry decided to take his first break, he knew he was just procrastinating but who cares? He decided during his break he’d get Y/n to take one with him. “Hey love, wanna take a fiver?” Y/n looked up from the 12th bible she had fixed giving him a frantic nod, her mind numb from the task she was busy doing.

“what do yeh wanna do?” she left the choice up to the older boy, watching as he bit his lip lightly in thought, shrugging and scooting in next to her. “truth or dare?” he wiggled his eyebrows tempting her and being the compliant and very bored girl, she was, Y/n agreed.

“Okay you first Harry, truth or dare?” the boy pondered for a moment before shrugging, “Truth” he didn’t miss the way she was fidgeting with her skirt all excited for the game. “Ok, have you ever uhmmmm got drunk?” her innocence laced her tone, genuine curiosity. Her voice slightly lowered as if what she was asking was naughty which of course got Harry to chuckle, “Yes, pretty much every weekend. You’ve never drank? Not even once, love?” his left eyebrow raised and she timidly shrugged “Nope, I only had wine at communion but then it’s only a sip. Never been drunk before…Okay your turn!” he hummed slightly, “Truth or dare y/n?” “uhhh dare!” at this point she was squirming in her seat from her giddiness, and Harry took full opportunity over the chance he had. “I dare you to kiss me.”

Y/n wasn’t exactly expecting that one. She thought maybe he’d dare her to say another bad word or smoke one of his cigarettes, but he wanted her to kiss him…and she was confused on why she wanted to. She didn’t want to say no, she had the urge to follow through with it. The girl noticed the butterflies in her stomach she was used to getting when around her older friend, and a blush crawled up her neck to her cheeks. Harry sat with an amused smirk, darting his tongue out to lick over his lips whilst tipping his head to the side slightly, “cat got your tongue, love? What are yeh waiting for?” a pointer finger was placed under her chin to get her to look at him, and y/n decided it was better to bite the bullet and pushed her thoughts out of the way while quickly leaning in to give him a peck.

Harry was surprised she actually did it, feeling her lips on his for a split second before she pulled away with a shy giggle yet he was having none of that. “uh uh, a real kiss” his natural dominance reared it’s head when he grabbed the girl and plopped her on his lap, holding her jaw and planting his lips on her’s yet again coaxing her to move with him. When she didn’t respond how he wanted he tugged her hair a bit, biting her bottom lip and dragging it down so her mouth was pried open, “Being a tease y/n, keep your mouth open wanna taste ya’”

y/n’s head was swimming, she’d never done anything like this but her body went weak under Harry’s rough hold and demanding voice and so she complied opening her mouth so his tongue could infiltrate. She wasn’t really skilled in the kissing department; she’d only kissed one person before and it was nothing like this. Harry didn’t mind her clumsy, clueless movements he found it even hotter that she didn’t know what she was doing and he was the one cracking away at her purity. His heart was pumping, his fingers tangled in her hair as he tugged her by it to get her to move where he wanted her, it was hot. So fucking hot.

When he finally pulled away from the kiss he observed her. Plump lips now a flushed red, swollen and slick with her lingering lip gloss and their mixed spit. She was breathing heavily, eyes staring into his darkening ones. She looked amazing. “God…pet you have no idea how long I’ve wanted to fuckin’ do that” his tongue darted out to lick over his own lips frowning when he got a heavy taste of sticky lip-gloss , “gotta get this off yeh, it’s too sticky” his sleeve was pulled down to cover his palm whilst he rubbed the remaining product off her delicious lips before shuffling it back up to bunch at his elbows. “There, look a little dazed petal. Yeh alright?” Y/n nodded quickly at the question, smiling a little bit before kissing his nose and each of his cheeks then going back to his lips mimicking how he’d kissed her prior. The boy could hardly contain himself, taking over the kiss and pulling her hands off his face holding both her wrists in one of his hands yanking them above her head so she was completely bound. “No no no, little love. I make the rules hon, you don’t. I didn’t say to kiss me again did i? I didn’t say you could touch me, hmm? Being a bit naughty aren’t yeh baby?”

To say she was overwhelmed and a tad confused was accurate, she had really no experience in any sort of sexual situations all she knew is she was going to listen to Harry. His gaze was enough to melt her into submission. “Words Y/n, did I tell you to do those things?” his grip on her wrist tightened a bit, “No….no you didn’t tell me to…” his eyes were staring into hers a subtle hum exiting his throat. “Good girl, now tell me your sorry.” “I’m sorry, Harry” an adorable pout decorated her lips, Harry was loving this.

He let go of her hands, both of them falling into her lap where she folded them, making sure to follow the new rule of not touching without permission, waiting for what was going to happen next. Only a moment later did Y/n feel Harry’s right thumb pressing into her bottom lip, eyes jumping to meet his, “open” she complied, letting him slip his thumb past her lips to rest on her tongue, “Close, now suck.”

Her confused gaze met his stern one while she started suckling on his digit. She didn’t really understand why he wanted her to suck his thumb, regardless she did it.

It was taking everything in Harry to not bend the girl over and shove himself inside her, god he fucking wanted to but he had something else in mind. Something more sinful than two teenagers having premarital sex in a chapel, no he wanted to give the biggest ‘fuck you’ he could to the school, and the ‘god’ he was forced to submit to. He knew if all the preaching’s were true, this idea was his first-class ticket straight to the devil’s doorstep.

“Listen princess, you’re going to do what I say, okay?” Y/n gave a quick nod of her head, Harry scooting her off his lap and removing his thumb from her mouth as he guided her up the steps to of the pulpit where the priest usually gave his sermons, a holy pedestal of sorts but today it would get a new use.

“on your knees.” It wasn’t a request, it was an order. Harry stood in the center of the pulpit, the religious art work surrounding them did little to stop his ‘sinful’ desires. Desires of the flesh were the only thing on his mind.

Y/n was on her knees before him, looking up at her friend who had a smug sultry look on his beautiful face. His hands fumbled with his belt whilst he looked down at her.

“you’re going to pray to me now, angel.”

Y/n couldn’t believe she was really in this situation, kneeling under the podium in the pulpit where she hears sermons 5 days a week for 3 hours with Harry pulling his cock out. when he finally managed to get himself free a loud groan echoed in the sanctuary, one that made Y/n feel a tingle between her legs and salivate slightly. A strange new sensation she couldn’t describe, but she knew she liked it.

“open your mouth, sweetheart.”

Y/n had never seen Harry’s eye’s look so dark, his tone so demanding and his breathing so heavy. His cock loomed over her face, bobbing slightly with every beat of his heart whilst something clear and sticky was leaking from the tiny slit in the top of it webbing onto the underside of his tip. She was nervous, but she did as she was told opening her sweet little mouth so the older boy could guide the crown of his cock into the warm cavern of her virgin mouth. The sensation was the closest thing to heavenly Harry had ever felt in this room, her mouth was warm and wet. Tongue slightly textured and slick with the nice, thick spit that comes from the back corners of your mouth. It’s better than any lube you can buy truly. He instructed her to suck his flesh, hollowing her cheeks and massaging his prick with the flesh of her mouth for the very first time in her life.

“Holy fucking shit, doll…you sure this is yeh first time? Good little cock sucker aren’t yeh? On your pretty knees, praying to me now huh?” Harry could see his cock pushing into the side of her cheek as she nodded, her mouth stuffed full of his leaking member, and because Harry was Harry and liked to really make a statement he decided if he was going to hell for this, he might as well make it worth it.

His fingers plucked one of the small wooden crosses off of the staircase on the pulpit, it was a decoration dedicated to Christ yet he had other plans for it.

The boy took a step back from Y/n, moaning slightly at the sight of her following after his cock when it started slipping from her lips. She wanted it, she liked it and god he fucking did too but he couldn’t wait any longer to execute the idea that just tumbled into his mind. Harry snapped his fingers in front of the drooly lipped girl, getting her attention on his eyes instead of the cock she wanted so desperately back in her mouth. “Up, don’t be greedy yeh can finish me off when I’m done with yeh..” Harry lifted the girl by her underarms up onto the flat part of the pedestal, where a bible was sat opened to a scripture that was suddenly smothered by the doe eyed girls round plump ass. Harry wishes he could dig his teeth into it but that’s for another time.

Y/n didn’t resist at all when he tipped her back a bit, hiking her skirt up and spreading her legs. The only reaction she gave at first was a quick gasp when he ripped her school tights right at the crotch her white cotton panties now in his view. “cute” was mumbled under his breath as he toyed with the tiny pink bow stitched into the waistband of her panties, but soon they were gone as well pushed fully to the side to expose her cunt, a small smattering of light curls at the apex of her thighs. They looked soft, light and quite cute. He could tell they’d never been shaven off before by how soft they were, wasn’t a very course or thick section of hair. That was likely to come later in her life, but for now her cunt was the only thing he was willing to worship in the holy home of Christ.

“Fuckin’ beautiful…got a real nice little pussy, angel.” Y/n was past the point of being shy now, she was spread eagle perched on top of a open bible with her cunt on full display in front of her half naked friend. Modesty flew out the door a while ago. And so, she responded in a little whine and shimmy of her hips, feeling the cold air lapping at her hot center and cooling the slick that had collected between her folds that she didn’t even notice till now.

The boy thought he might have been in the midst of one of his wet dreams, the stereotypical catholic school girl splayed out in a chapel with his hungry eyes staring at her virgin cunt. He was trying his hardest to take a mental picture so he can relive this the next time he has a wank, but in this moment his plan was coming to fruition.

Harry held up the small wooden cross, holding it between his thumb and pointer finger. The piece of religious art was about as wide around as a taper candle and maybe a good 4 inches from the base to where it met the divider of the cross. Much smaller than his cock, but a good size to fuck his classmate with.

“Open.” His voice doomed after the stretch of silence, Y/n letting her lips fall open again gurgling a bit as the wooden cross was thrust into her mouth. Harry was purposefully being rough, pushing her gag reflex intentionally, “Gag on it, get it nice and wet. Do as I say y/n, m’ getting’ yeh throat to slick it up. Could shove it in yeh dry be glad I’m lubing it up pet.” With a few more jabs at her uvula the boy was content with the amount of thick spit that dripped down the object.

Y/n couldn’t help but squirm and mewl, feeling Harry split her labia. An audible clicking sound fell on their ears from the wetness adhering the folds of skin together, the sound gave a boost to his already prominent smirk. Once her engorged clit came into view Harry made a point to give it a few strong strokes with his thumb before pressing the end of the cross into the girl’s virgin opening. The sight was nothing short of filthy, completely sinful. He wouldn’t be surprised if the floor caved in and they fell straight to hell as he finally managed to press through her thin hymen gaining entry to the untouched inners of the girl.

The stinging caused Y/n to hiss slightly, her legs quivering as he finally made it inside her. A small streak of her purity stood out against the white wood. Harry couldn’t help but snicker to himself, he thought of Virgin Mary in this moment. Ironic right? The first thought into his mind when seeing Y/n’s virginal blood striping a cross was how this was a strange twist on the story of the savior’s mother.

His movements sped up considerably after the flimsy membrane of resistance was punctured. The cross now being plunged in and out of the girl’s sacred spot in quick succession while she gripped the railing behind her in an effort not to tumble off the stand.

“Would yeh look at that, might be the first girl in this school to get fucked with a cross, baby. Always knew you were special huh?” Harry migrated his hand down to thumb at her clit, the foreign sensation of something inside of her and a massaging of her pleasure organ had the girl pigeon toed and panting. Harry swears he’s never seen anything hotter than what he was doing in this moment. His arm was getting tired but he didn’t dare fucking stop. No, he decided he was going to violate the artwork until Y/n had her first orgasm clamping onto the now not so holy figurine.

Y/n could barely form a thought, pleasure wracking through her body and a strange sensation building inside of her. Harry mumbling filth to her was the icing on the cake, her body tipping over the edge. Her body went stiff before breaking out into shakes, vocal cords strained from the moans and yelps escaping her throat. Her first ever orgasm was the most intense feeling she had ever felt, and Harry almost came just watching her suddenly remembering his abandoned cock.

Y/n was scrambling to regain control over her body, pushing Harry’s wrists away with a slick popping noise following as the cross was removed from her body. Harry leaned down to kiss the panting girl, dribbling spit into her open mouth while she gasped for air. “good girl, you’re such a good girl.” His ring clad fingers pet her cheek lightly, the other hand sitting her up and tugging her forward giving her a shove to get her back onto her knees.

“Now, time to finish your prayer, love” His hand pushed his cock back into the cavern of her mouth, she suckled hard on him. Tongue lapping at the underside of his cock, suction hard on the crown of him. The way she gave harsh spongy movements of her tongue and cheeks had his knees weak having to hold himself up on the podium. “Shit, Christ pet I’m gonna cum”.

Harry felt his climax rapidly approaching, taking both of his hands and putting them on the back of her head forcing the entirety of his cock down the girls sore throat. The muscles already tired from all the noise she made with it, but she only dug her fingers into his thighs as he spilled down her tight throat.

Harsh breathing along with Harry’s pleasured chuckle were the only noises filling the room as the pair removed themselves from each other. Harry getting his control back, putting his cock away before pulling Y/n to her feet giving her a few smacking kisses as he helped straighten her out tossing her ruined tights into the trashcan.

“Think we took more than a fiver babe, guess we gotta finish now huh?”

His smirk was wide while he put the cross right back in it’s place, cum still dripping off of it.

#harry styles angst #harry styles au #harry styles blurb #harry styles smut #harry styles imagine #harry styles fanfic #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles writing #harry styles concept #harry styles x reader #harry styles x yn #harry styles series

[chellestrash]

Care for You

Neil x reader 

warnings: none really :) just bad writing and some dyslexia typos I probably missed during proof reading so...

summary: friends taking care of each other...or more?

authors note: okay so I apologize for how long this is im not sure why it is...like t I didnt plan for this to be very long. I haven't written in a bit so if something feels a bit off...yeah I wouldn't be surprised. I hope I still managed to write Neil well enough that some of you will enjoy this. if you do, please let me know I love reading that you guys think about my lil...things I write. If you didnt like it let me know as well, so Ill know what to work on in the future. Anyways, thats it for now, thats for reading!

“You should’ve gone to the hospital wing with these.”

 You mumbled under your breath as you carefully inspected Neil’s face and neck. You knew it wasn’t his fault and you couldn’t just blame him for getting injured during a mission but at the same time, you wanted to wack him in the back of his head for not being careful enough.

„No it’s alright, it's nothing. Just a few cuts and scratches, I’m sure I can live with that.”

„Right.” You frowned a bit looking at the bigger wound going across his right eyebrow. A few inches lower and he could’ve lost an eye…or worse.

„You should've been more careful.” You spoke again and he chuckled.

„Careful is my middle name (y/n), you know it.” He lifted his arm to press his sleeve to the, still bleeding, cut above his eye but you slapped his hand away.

„Neil, that’s so dirty! You might get an infection..christ okay, come with me.”

You grabbed his wrist and lead him to the small couch in the middle of your flat.

„Wait here.” You instructed him and left the room to grab the first aid kit from the bathroom and quickly came back into the living room area. When he noticed you coming back with the kit he shook his head slowly and stood up.

„(y/n), I told you its okay, I'm alright its not a big deal.”

„Neil I swear to god.” You cut him off while picking out all the bandages, cotton pads, and other things you thought you'll need to clean him up at least a little bit.

 „Just let me clean them, okay?” You looked up to make eye contact with him again, you could see he didn't want to impose himself on you, but then why did he come to the flat in the first place? You thought.

It's not like he missed you and wanted to make sure you were still here when he got back from the field right?

Right?

„Its either me or the hospital wing so you know, choose your enemies wisely.”

„Alright!” He gestured an „I give up.” motion. before he walked over to the couch and sat down next to you.

„I trust you with this… I think? Should I?”

You rolled your eyes with a small smile and moved closer to take a look at the scratches on his face again.

„Probably not.” You joked with a concentrated expression as you poured some hydrogen peroxide onto a cotton pad.

„Well, that's very reassuring isn’t it?” He turned to face you and you huffed out a little laugh.

„I mean if you’re not sure about my provided services I don't understand why you wouldn’t just head to the hospital facility when you came back, and choose to visit me in my little single flat instead. Now shush.” You turned his head, careful not to touch any of the cuts, and proceed to slowly clean them off one by one.

„I've missed you.”

He what?

You gasped softly as you felt butterflies in your stomach. Did he mean it like, that? Surely he didn't… Your relationship with Neil was… bizarre, to be completely honest. He used to be your mentor when you got assigned to join his team shortly after you first joined Tenet. You trained under his eye, he watched you grow as a person an agent a soldier but also as a friend. As you got closer and closer together a very firm bond blossomed between you two. You were able to find comfort, peace, relief, and just simply joy in echo other companie. But almost everyone at Tenet could say they were in fact friends with Neil. He was just the type of people person who gets along with almost everyone without having to try particularly hard. It was just something that came easily to him. You on the other hand were quite the opposite, especially that despite having finished the basic and advanced training you were still quite new in this whole operation. Maybe that's why he stood out to you so much because he didn't mind where you stood in this hierarchy as some other people did. He just seemed so genuine, so interested in you,  so sweet and so-

„Hey! Earth to (y/n)?”

You blinked a few times and looked at him confused for a moment.

„.. I zoned out” You admired embarrassed.

„Oh, I've noticed. I remember you used to do that during training too.” He chuckled and you could feel the heat on your cheeks.

„Right okay, shut up. I won’t do it again!” You pushed him playfully hoping he’d just change the subject and you could move on.

„Oh please be my guest.” He smirked, „I was just admiring the beautiful faces you we're making.”

You hid your face in your hands embarrassed and plopped down onto the couch.

„I hate you.” You chuckled, looking at the ceiling.

„Nah, you know you love me.” He winked the moment you looked back at him.

Fuck.

 You sat back up on the couch and cleared your throat. As you were contemplating whether or not to try and express the way you feel for him you realized you haven't even properly starter what you promised to do.

„Oh…shit I should…” You looked at the first aid kit set out on the little coffee table 

„I was supposed to…”

„Oh…” It seemed like he also somehow forgot the main goal of this „meeting” as he gestured to the bandits and nodded 

„Right you… you go ahead please I’ll try nor to distract you too much.”

You rolled your eyes again at his little joke and moved closer to get a better view of the cuts and bruises on his skin.

You placed your palm on his temple and softly dabbed the cotton pat on the little wounds. Focusing hard on trying not to cause him any more pain, you worked on his face and neck as carefully as you possibly could. He tilted his head back to make it easier for you and closed his eyes, you watched as his breath became slower and steadier, he had to be exhausted. You placed your hand on his cheek preparing to clean the biggest cut on his face, the one going across one of his eyebrows. He unexpectedly leaned into your palm and groaned so softy, he was asleep at this point. You bit your lip and mumbled, 

“This might sting a bit.” Even tho you were certain he couldn’t hear you anymore. 

„Ah, shit!” He jumped back when you pressed the pad on the open wound. He instinctively pushed your hand out of the was and shook his head. „What happened?” He asked confused and you chuckled.

„I didn't want to wake you, you look very tired.” You explained.

„Ah thanks, guys love hearing that.” He rubbed his eyes and yawned heavily.

„Neil, the germs.”

He moved his hands away from his face quickly and held them up.

„Ah right right…the germs.”

He could be such a kid sometimes.

„Right I should… I think I should take a look at your chest now.”

He raised an eyebrow at you with a smirk.

„You think?” He run his hand through his hair.

„Oh, I can’t with you. Your shirt has holes in it so I'm assuming some of the…shards or waterer it was, got your chest too.”

„Yeah yeah, for sure.”He noodled with a small smile. 

You sighed heavily and got up from the couch.

„I'll go get you a cup of tea and you take it off oaky,?  ill look at your chest, clean what needs to be cleaned and then you can take a nice hot shower. I think you need it.”

„Oh so now you’re telling me I stink?”

He called after you as you walked to the kitchen. You rolled your eyes and smiled to yourself.

...

A few minutes later you came back with a cup of tea in one hand and a plate tuna sandwich in the other.

„I thought you could be hungry.”

You looked up and almost dropped the plate at the sight of Neil sitting on the couch, casually waiting for you with his chest completely exposed.

Fuck

You swallowed hard as you looked down and tried to get yourself together as fast as possible. Bitting the inside of your cheek you sat back down on the couch and set the thing down on the coffee table.

„…here you go.”

„Ah, you didn't have to.” He said but reached for the teacup. 

„See that's why I prefer to come here instead of the hospital wing. Better food, better tea, nicer nurses.”

„I'm your friend Neil, not a nurse.  The nurses would probably treat you much better considering how most of them have a thing for you… and I mean they're also professional trained in that filed so they’d know what they’ll have to do.”

„You don't?”

„No idea. I'm just winging it. Like everything else in my life.”

Neil laughed and shook his head.

„Well, I have to say you seem to be doing just fine so far.”

Even tho it was just a response to your silly joke, the compliment feelt sincere and honest, you couldn’t help but smile. Neil smiled back at you.

„What?” You asked.

„Nothing I just like you!”

You felt the heat on your cheeks and quickly got back to cleaning the wounds on his chest.

God hive me strength. You thought,

...

After about an hour spent on carefully taking care of every cut and scratch on Neils shoulders, chest, and back you were almost done. It was difficult to focus, with him sitting… like this the entire time but what were you supposed to do?

„Done!”

You finally said not wanting to risk getting lost in your thoughts again.

„You are?”

„Yeah, I'm pretty sure I got everything. I should talk to Ives, ask him to take better care of you when I'm not around.”

„Oh, I can take care of myself perfectly well thank you very much.”

„…and the hour and a half I just spent cleaning you up is a perfect proof of that.”

You finally relaxed as you sunk into the couch and yawned heavily. You did even realize how late it got and how extremely tired you were at that point. Neil seemed to notice because he picked his shirt up and was about t put it back on.

„I should probably head back.” He started but you quickly stopped him.

„Neil! You can’t just put this back on now. Look how dirty it is.”

„Well… I can’t just walk back to my place…like this.”

You could just stay here. You thought to yourself but didn't say anything.

„You can take a shower here.” You offered. „You can take a nice hot shower and ill look for some spare clothes. I'm sure i’ll find you something.

You liked to keep some extra clothes around in case any of your friends or family came to visit or had to stay over unexpectedly.

„You’re an angel.”

He smiled softly at you and you smiled back.

„Well, I try.” You chuckled.

You could swear he looked down at your lips and quickly back up at your eyes. For a moment you thought he was about to kiss you but he cleared his throat and got up.

„Right so…ill just.” He pointed to the bathroom over his shoulder. „I'll be in there.”

You nodded with a smile „Sure.”

...

You managed to find a black t-shirt that looked to be about Neil’s size and a pair of gray sweatpants that you thought would fit him okay. You couldn’t provide him with any clean boxers but you figured he’d be okay with the ones he had on. You shouldn’t be thinking about Neil in boxers, right?

You waited for him to turn off the water and knocked on the door gently. After a moment he opened the door a towel wrapped around his hips, his hair wet and chest still wet from the shower.

„I emm.. I got you some clean clothes I thought might fit you.”

„As I said, you’re an angel.” He smiled softly at you, run his fingers through his hair, and took what you brought him. „Right, ill be out in a second.”

Neil left the bathroom after a moment, watering the clothes you provided him with. The black t-shirt was a little tight on him but not enough to make it look bad or frill uncomfortable, the basic gray sweatpants somehow fit him perfectly. You thanked yourself in your head for picking them out and smiled at him.

„I don't think I’ve ever seen you without your suit or the filed gier on.”

„Really?”

„Yeah! I think so…”

„Well, how do I look?” You laughed at his little pose.

”You like it?”

„It suits you.” You looked him up and down. 

„It looks a lot more comfortable!”

„Oh, it certainly is.”

He walked over to the couch where you were waiting for him and sat down next to you.

„Thank you, for everything. It's so late, I shouldn’t have bothered you earlier I just wanted to see you I didn't know you were gonna do all that.”

„Yeah I know I know, don't worry about it.” You said quietly as he put his head on your shoulder and yawned. You smiled softly to yourself and rested your head against his while softly brushing your fingers through his hair.

„Someone’s tired.”

He shook his head slowly „Just a tad. I don't feel like…walking.”

„Well, you can always stay here…if you want.”

He frowned at your offer. „Oh, I’ve already caused you enough trouble tonight love.”

Your heart jumped at the little nickname.

„Oh shut up. I like having you here.”

He looked up at you.

„You do?”

You threw your hands in the air. 

„No, I don't that's why I took care of you and am now offering you my bed to sleep in.”

„Wait.” He sat up 

„Your bed?”

„Yeah?” Its better, bigger, more comfortable, ill take the couch I’ve napped on it many times before I know how to fit myself into its shape perfectly. It's a good offer!”

„(Y/n), I would never sleep in your bed!”

„hey! What is that supposed to mean.” You smacked his shoulder slightly.

„Wait! I mean, I can’t sleep in it if you’re gonna be here on the couch!”

„Right… I thought you just disrespected my bed.”

„Oh, I’d never do that.” You chuckled at his serious expression.

„You're my guest so you take the bed.”

„But” He started but you cut him off quickly.

„End of discussion! Now ill go get ready for sleep and you go and make yourself comfortable.”

Not letting him disagree with you again you quickly left to the bathroom.

...

You took a quick shower and changed into your pj's. Until this point, you weren’t even sure what time it was but your phone clearly said 2.45 am. You exhaled heavily, slowly starting to feel how extremely tired you were. You didn't blame Neil, you were so happy he wanted to see you after the mission, you enjoyed his presence, and maybe, just maybe, he enjoyed spending time with you too?

You exited the bathroom and your eyes instantly landed on Neil. He was laying on the couch under some blankets with his back turned towards you.

„Neil, what the hell?” You walked over and poked his shoulder.

„I'm sleeping.” He explained without opening his eyes.

„Neil I told you to take the bed. Your too tall for this couch.”

„Shhhhhh. I'm the guest so I decide what I want.”

You rolled your eyes.

„Fine, have it your way.”

You walked straight into your bedroom grabbed a pillow and stormed back into the living room.

„Right.” You started. „Move.”

„Sorry?” He opened his eyes and looked at you confused after he turned to face you.

„I'm taking the couch and if you’re not gonna move, fine, that's your choice.”

You lifted the blanket and placed your pillow next to his. Laying down you realized how to tint the sofa was and how close to Neil you’d have to be if this thing was gonna work.

„I'm…just gonna…emm if you could, move your leg a little.”

„Oh umm, of course. Is that-”

„Yeah, yeah that's better thanks.”

You were facing each other only inches apart, this was a bad idea. You could feel your heart pounding in your chest and your cheeks getting hotter, You tried to relax your body but minutes passed, Neil wasn’t saying anything and you just felt more and more awkward. Was that too weird? Did you make it weird between you two now?

„You're gonna fall off.” He said quietly and you snapped out of the train of thoughts.

„Sorry?”

„You’re…about to slid off the edge I-„

He quickly wrapped his arm around your waist and pulled you closer so you wouldn’t fall. His lips were almost touching your forehead now, your whole body pressed against his chest.

„Is it okay if I…hold you like this?”

He asked politely not wanting to cross any boundaries he didn’t know.

“`Neil I can go if you want, this was stupid I'm sorry I was so petty I can just go sleep in my bed and you'll have the whole couch for yourself, you’d be much more-„

„No, I…I'd like you to stay if thats alright.”

You're heart felt like it was about to explode, you shut your eyes close and forced yourself to ask him.

„Why?” This short quite question left your mouth and you froze hearing your own voice.

„Because I care for you. More than you think I do, more than you’re allowing yourself to believe.”

In that very moment, your whole body relaxed into his touch, you moved closer and hid your face in the fabric of his shirt, you gently wrapped your arms around him and he tightened his grip around you, holding you close tenderly. You exhaled loudly into his chest and you could heard him chuckle softly.

„You alright?” He asked quietly, running his hand up and down your back.

„I'm processing.” Your muffled voice made him smile softly at the sound.

„If you need time, we can just, romantically fall asleep in each other's arms and talk about it some more in the morning?” He suggested and you huffed out a little laugh.

„Deal.”

“Deal.”

“Now just hold me close and kiss me goodnight.”

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Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed it!

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