#you really made me feel so terrible and awful and shitty for mine

[keiskake]

bird instincts (chapter nine - hawks)

takami keigo x quirkless f!reader (au chilhood friends // characters are aged up 21+)

warnings ~  swearing, petnames, hawks being aggressive + jealous, oral sex (f!receive and m!receive), fingering, cream pie, unprotected sex, degrading names, trauma flashbacks, spoilers about hawks’ backstory from the anime

wordcount ~ 4.742k

summary ~ you and takami keigo grew up together in a shitty hut with terrible parents. he disappeared one day when you were 6, but he never left your mind. the heavens entwine your destinies together, but it’s not a smooth journey you soon figure out.

a/n ~ i honestly didn’t plan for this chapter to be so long, but it was so good as a whole that i couldn’t split it up. i’ve decided to focus on the series a little more, rather than try and upload drabbles everyday! thank you for reading, reblogs + likes are always appreciated.

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"that's real original hawks." you walked towards the handsome blond in a black suit and tie. it caught your attention, his crimson red earrings. you didn't know hawks had his ears pierced. fuck. it made him so attractive. hell, he was attractive full stop. the way his eyes were glued onto you, as if he had blurred everything else around him. tunnel vision. and the way his hand slipped to your waist, pulling you in so he could lower his lips onto your forehead. it made your legs quiver and your heart pulsate even faster than before.

"i'll come up with a better one that's up to your standard next time baby bird. but have i ever told you how beautiful you, and how lucky i am that this is all mine?" his thumb brushed against your cheek, sweeping away the hair that was covering it to lay down a quick peck. you couldn't hide it, your cheeks burned pink as he cooed complements in your ear.

"well...you're looking really handsome tonight, but you're always handsome! so i'm lucky too!" was that the best compliment you could think about? really? babbling a response in a panic.

"oh? you're spoiling me with such kind words tonight y/n, and so many of them." he smirked at your embarrassed and rosy face. his fingers trailed its way from your waist, to your hip, and into your soft hands. "lets go inside, gonna introduce you to my best friend, endeavour. and hey. don't be nervous, you look gorgeous."

you nodded, taking hold of his hand before making your way to the event hall. the path was outlined by a carpet that was almost the same colour as your dress, and bordering the carpet were golden posts that acted as a barrier between the heroes and the media. it was all so grand. cameras and lights flashing, hero names being hollered and an endless wave of cheer around you.

is this how heroes made people feel? excitement, joy, vigour. no wonder kei admired them so much.

as you reached the door to the event hall, hawks pulled his hand away and positioned it so that his hand was on his chest and a gap formed between his arm. you put your arm through his, pressing your chest against his upper arm. an exchange of smiles went between the two of you and before you walked into the hall arm in arm. it was time for the event of the year to begin.

the moment you stepped into the room you were completely drowned in the awe of memorization. your jaw fucking dropped to the floor. the hall wasn't only big, it was gigantic, enormous even. lights beamed across the entire room, not a single dark spot to seen. thousands of tables with a million different dishes and drinks were scattered as far as you could see. and right at the front a stage, where hawks would be later tonight.

"woah." it was the only thing that could escape your lips. it was so amazing and majestic, like straight out of a movie.

"guess it's not everyday you get to experience something like this, i must say they really went all out. spared no expenses." he watched your face as it illuminated with shock and elation. your face was priceless.

"this is so incredible hawks. can we eat the food? oh! and i wanna try a drink. can we? can we really?" you tugged at his blazer, shaking the poor bird side to side.

"you can eat and drink the stuff on the table sweetheart. i'll come with you so that your nerves calm down, alright?" he giggled at your eagerness, petting the back of your head to hopefully calm you down and stop you from shaking him anymore.

"then what are we waiting for? i'm dying to try those giant chocolate covered strawberries." you beamed at him and then dragged him half way across the event hall to satisfy your sweet tooth.

not only were the strawberries in season but they were big and juicy, covered in a thick creamy chocolate shell. and they were never-ending. hawks watched as your face turned into an everlasting ray of smiles, and with each strawberry it grew. he kept close to you so that you had someone to talk to and, most importantly, to keep you safe. god were you beautiful. what he would do to see you this happy all the time.

approaching you was a big, bulky man. his shoulders broad and his face stern. you knew you had seen his face before, it was all too familiar. endeavour. he had the same face as the plushie in your bed. his hair was ruby red and his eyes turquoise blue. a plushie perfect match. he stood in front of you and hawks, his shoulders broad enough the cover the both of you. his eyes glanced past the bird man, fixing his gaze straight onto you.

"woah there buddy, if you stare at her too much she's gonna break down." he jokes, placing his hand on your lower back to ease your nerves. who wouldn't be nervous if a big rock of man started staring at you.

"good evening. who's the girl, hawks?" his arms stood straight by his side, his face stiff. you couldn't tell how he was feeling or what he was thinking, and that was the scariest thing about him.

"my girlfriend, you jealous endeavour?" hawks displayed a grin on his face, pulling you closer to him in order to 'show you off' some more.

"no. though i didn't picture you the type to settle down." he peered over at you once more, scanning you from head to toe. he might as well have been a metal detector.

"i'm y/n, it's nice to meet you. you're the number one hero endeavour, it's a real pleasure to meet you. i'm kinda a fan, well no my friend is the fan, but i still think you're really cool!"

"you're a fan of me too, right baby bird?" he pouted and squirmed as you spouted a bunch of rubbish to fill the awkward space endeavour had created.

"well, thank you for being a fan despite all the punches being thrown at my name currently. she'll keep you in check hawks, don't cause her trouble." he eyed hawks, the kind that your parents gave you when you were about to do something stupid.

"right, right, of course endeavour. why'd you come over? did you miss your buddy?" he nudges the flame hero, poking and prodding at him for a response.

"no i did not miss you, and you are not my 'buddy'. i came to collect you, it's time to go up there." the stoic man pushed hawks' arm away and turned his back on the two of you. he made his way through the crowds of people and tables before disappearing behind a curtained staircase.

"one day he'll admit that we're buddies." he chuckled, straightening his suit and tightening his tie. "but for now, i gotta fly y/n. i'll see you on stage." he cupped one of your cheeks and took you in for a kiss.

"you won't be able to see me silly, there's too many people here tonight."

"trust me y/n i could spot your drop dead gorgeous face a thousand miles away. wish me luck!" he rushed off to the curtained staircase, his wings fluttering slightly as he made his way to the grand stage.

in your heart you were wishing him luck, though really and truly he didn't need it. he'd be fine just the way he was. you couldn't stop thinking about the way his blazer clenched round his waist and the way his white button up shirt displayed the outline of his collar bone. and whatever bottle of cologne he was wearing tonight you were determined to buy a bottle for yourself. it drew you in like a bone to a dog.

you took hold of another strawberry before the lights shut down. excited murmurs spread from every corner of the hall and everyone laid eyes on the main stage. with a little squinting you could make out 10 silhouette figures were standing on the platform. hawks must been amongst the 10. you didn't want to miss a second, and clearly the media didn't want to either with their cameras and notepads out and ready.

head beam lights from below flashed, giving a better view to the 10 shapes. a flicker from the bulbs on the ceiling went off and the whole room was lit with an endless stream of radiant light. claps echoed from every corner of the room, chanting of the hero's names penetrated the air and glasses clinking together in unison. there stood heroes. the top 10 heroes.

amongst the line of heroes were names such as mirko the rabbit hero and wash the laundry hero. amongst the handful of talent japan had to offer was your beloved number two, hawks. he stood proudly with his chest out and wings perked up high behind him. he was facing your direction, even whilst he collected his award and gave his speech his eyes were on you. he really was like a hawk.

but what was he so fixated on? you. and the man next to you who was barely millimetres away from touching your shoulder with his. black long hair tied up in a bun, baggy eyes and a sharp jawline. eraser head. he'd really dressed for the occasion, and that worried hawks. as he spoke to you, laughter left your sweet and pretty lips. but your laugh was his to hear and only his. the thought of another man who could make you as happy as he did irked him deeply.

what lit the fuse to the bomb was when eraser head pulled you in by the waist to move you away from the waiter, that was about to trip and drop a hundred drinks in your direction. you apologised and gave eraser head a big dumb smile, the same kind you gave him during your date. he didn't know that he would feel so enraged witnessing another person touch you, talk to you or laugh with you. what was he so jealous of?

the presenter on stage dismissed the heroes to the event, taking back their awards so that they could be delivered to their hotel room directly. he didn't want to watch another second of it, jumping off the stage with his hands tucked into his pockets. he swerved his way through the mob of people, grumbling to himself and swearing under his breath.

you could smell the faintest scent of his cologne so you turned around, only to face a less than pleasant hawks. his brows were furrowed and his lips were straight, one fist clenched by his side and the other one still in his pocket. you felt your heart in your throat. did you do something wrong? was he angry? you looked to eraser head for some kind of reassurance or confirmation. boy did you set fire to dynamite.

"y/n we're going, now." he took hold of your arm, almost grabbing it.

"b-but why, the real event just started?" you flinched a little, shocked that hawks would behave so aggressively towards you. what the hell had gotten into him.

"we're going and that's final." he started dragging you to the nearest exit, not giving you enough time to pick up your dress so that it wouldn't drag across the floor too much.

"sorry eraser head! it was nice to ━" hawks tugged you closer to him, cutting you midway through your goodbye.

his grip on your arm was so tight you were certain that it would leave some kind of mark or bruise. you wanted him to slow down, you really wanted a break from all the speed walking, but you couldn't speak up. it was physically impossible for you. every time you planned to say something your throat would go hoarse and chicken out on you. no words would leave your mouth.

you were afraid of him in that moment, it reminded you of when your father had beaten you and kei for sneaking out to play one afternoon. you and kei wanted to cry out for help, cry out to express your pain. but no matter how hard you tried nothing came out, it always ended up in silence. you didn't want to put hawks in the same category as that disgusting and treacherous thing you called a 'father'.

hawks took you all the way to his hotel room, which was a penthouse suite with the best view in all of Kamino Yokohama. he tapped his key card on the reader before shoving the door out of the way and throwing you inside of the room. the door closed behind him, loosening his tie and unbuttoning the top of his formal shirt. he made his way to you and your body trembled more and more the closer he got.

"what the hell was that all about hawks?! dragging me out of there with no explanation, i didn't even get to say goodbye to eraser head properly. and then you grab me and take me all the way here, look my arm has a red mark because of you!"

he looked at your arm and seemed to take a step back. you let it all out, all the words that were clogged up from before. you weren't going to stay silent this time, not anymore. what he did was wrong but hawks himself hadn't realised until you started shouting and bursting out on him.

"yeah what i did wasn’t exactly excusable and i'm sorry. but why is saying goodbye to eraser head so fucking important to you?"

"hawks are you hearing yourself?"

"why are you so caught up on him?! just focus on me, that's all that you need. or is it not enough?" he took your hand and placed it on his chest. his heart was pounding to fast and hard that you could feel it through his blazer.

jealousy. the room was plagued with his jealousy. was he afraid of losing you? maybe he was afraid of losing his place in your heart? you never thought hawks was the type to get jealous, sure it was human nature, but he was so confident in himself. on the surface that was.

his body was unsteady from the pent up anger he had hoarded whilst on stage. you knew what he was doing was out of order but somewhere in your heart you understood where he was coming from. the constant fear of the what if. what if you lose the one you hold dearest to your heart? what if you’re so easily replaceable you could be tossed to the side?

tears trickled down his cheek slowly and it infectious, water droplets forming in your eyes as well. it hurt to see him like this. you just wanted him to be his chirpy and cocky self again, you took that side of him for granted. but it was your job as his girlfriend to guide him through his moments of despair. no, not even a job. the bare minimum.

you moved your hand from his beating heart to his face, cupping it gently and lifting his head up to face you. two teary eyed lovers facing the abyss together. you pressed your forehead onto his and let out a little sigh. your big bird was still a baby at heart, and you were going to protect his precious heart.

"i will always need you hawks, there's nobody that could replace you. so please, don't let your fear get the better of you. it's okay to feel angry and jealous, it's human nature, but never forget that i care about you the most. i'm not going anywhere and you're not going to be replaced. you’re enough."

"y/n...i'm sorry, i was just so scared. i hated watching you and eraser head talk, and then when he touched you and you smiled at ━" you cut him off with a deep kiss. that's what he needed in that moment, a piece, a crumble of physical affirmation that you were his.

he was shocked, you never initiated the first move. it was different, like turning the page to a new chapter in your relationship and he wasn't complaining one bit. his hands drew itself to your waist, pushing you deeper into his lips. home. it felt like home to him. he didn't need all the fame or money that he had, hell he didn't even need to be a hero let alone number two. you were enough for him.

"i love you y/n, i'm so sorry for hurting you like that." his lips left yours and his head hung back down again. he took hold of your arm once again, but this time his touch was much more tender. "look at what i've done. i'm a monster. i don't fucking deserve you."

"i forgive you, bird brain. so don't grovelling about it, it's not very hero like y'know." your fingers ran through his golden locks and you laid your head on top of his.

"fuck hero life, i don't need it. why would i? i have you sweetheart and that's more than a bastard like me could ask for." you positioned yourself on his lap, throwing your arms around his neck.

"if you let out another negative comment i will never ever compliment you again, got it?"

"yes ma'am. sorry ma'am."he jumps and turns to look you in the eyes. you were deadly serious.

"i'm glad we're on the same page. i didn't get a chance to say it but congratulations on your award hawks!"

"thanks baby bird, first time anyone has really congratulated me with any sincerity at all." he played with your skirt and his free hand laid on top of your thigh.

"it won't be the last if i'm around! sorry about not having a gift, you got me the dress and a ride but i don't have a thing for you."

"looking at you in this gorgeous dress is more than enough, you have no idea what it does to me y/n."

you felt it. you felt your thigh rubbing against something hard that poked at your soft skin. you knew what it was, and the thought of it made you embarrassed. it wasn't as if you were innocent at all, absolutely not. you had your fair share of lewd thoughts about hawks. it couldn't be helped sometimes, when his pants were just a tad bit too tight you good get a clue or two about the outline of his cock. and you'd be a liar if you said you had never imagined him rubbing his length against your slit.

he looked at your face that was all red, only realising then what was making you behaving sheepishly. "shit y/n, sorry i didn't mean to really."

"it's okay...it's natural. your dick is really hard huh?" you bit your lower lip and unconsciously rubbing your thigh against him.

he picked you up from his lap and sat you on the bed properly, leaning in for a kiss. it was wet and messy, your tongues running around one another. his hand held you by the neck, pressing you deeper and deeper into his lips. your hand was over his clothed cock, teasing it as he pressed a finger against your cunt. "wet already?"

"nghh ━ don't wanna wait anymore, please fuck me daddy." and that's all you needed to do for hawks to make your fantasies a reality.

you turned to the side so that hawks could unzip your dress. it slipped right off you and he left it hanging over a chair. he couldn't take his eyes off your body, you weren't wearing a bra so your breasts were openly on display for him. your skin looked to delicate and soft, thighs and ass plush. perfect in everyway. he kissed his way down your figure. head, neck, chest, stomach, thigh. the slow pace was leaving you on the edge, your red thong soaked in your juices and drip.

your only bit of clothing was ripped off you, hawks' cooing in your ear "i'll buy you a new one princess." his fingers played with your wet fold, a thumb circling against your swollen clit and the two tips of his fingers teasing your hole. you bucked your hips urging hawks to finger you. a grin appeared on his face, "can’t wait? what a slut". the sound of your wet pussy being filled with two of his fingers echo the room. he curves his finger as he pushes in and out of you, reaching your g-spot. and every time he hit the deepest part you'd arch your back, mewling in pleasure and shamelessly moaning out his name. "ahh ━ hawks more, please! wanna cum please hawks!" fuck did your sweet voice make his dick twitch. he fingered you faster. too much for you to handle clearly, grabbing a hold of the bed sheets and letting out even more breathless cries of pleasure. his tongue lapped your cunt and his fingers kept spreading your walls apart, loosening you up for his cock. too much, it was too much for you. your mind was blank from all the enjoyment and the only thing you could think about was hawks playing with your whore of a cunt. he sucked on your clit, making sure to get a real good fucking taste of ‘his’ pussy. you whimpered, arching your back and cumming all over his fingers. hawks pulled his fingers out, spreading them apart to show you the long line of drip and how wet they were. he put his two digits in your mouth for you to taste before running his tongue from the bottom of your slit to the top. "god. you taste fuckin' sweet as candy baby bird."

your legs were trembling, they were weak. you had never had such an intense orgasm, nor did you have a clue that it could feel that good. "my turn." you took hold of hawks' hand, laying him against the headboard of the bed. you positioned yourself between his legs, his cock desperate to get out of his pants. he unbuttoned his blazer and shirt, and you unzipped his pants. your bare skin rubbing against one another made your heart race, a blush running across your cheeks. "take it slow sweetheart, no rush." you nod, taking his boxers off to reveal his red, bulge tip. he was bigger than you had ever imagined, your hand barely able to wrap around the base. you took a breath before pushing the head of his cock into your mouth, enfolding the tip in your wet tongue. hawks groaned and his hips jolted from the sensation your mouth was giving him, watching his pretty girl suck him off made him throb even more. as you moved your mouth up and down his length, you could feel it hit the very back of your throat. it was just so big it started to make you choke, and that was music to his ears. "gonna push it down so you take it all the way, pinch me if you need me to stop." groaning, he took a handful of your hair and shoved the rest of his cock into your mouth. your moans were muffled from the fullness of your mouth, tears running down your face, and your mouth became more and more sloppy and took hawks in. he tugged you off his twitching dick, his face flustered. "y/n lay down on the pillow, gonna put it in okay?"

he flipped you over so that you were the one laying down on the pillow. your legs were spread apart, levered on his broad shoulders. "wanna feel you inside daddy, pretty please." your needy pleas gave him the green light to pound you and drill the shape of his cock into your pussy. he lined it up with your entrance, slapping it on your cunt a few time. he prepped you so well that his entire cock was able to slip in easily. your wet walls wrapped around him tightly, almost milking him. he slammed his hips into you and you could feel his tip kissing your cervix, and he kept hammering your insides. your drenched pussy squelched at every thrust he rewarded your pretty little cunt. you were completely full from him, his dick fucking you dumb and senseless. he was turning you into his personal cock sleeve. you let him infiltrate your every senses, the only thing you could think about was him. "c-cum in me please daddy, give me every drop please!" your arms swung around his neck, trying to keep yourself upright since your legs were becoming weaker as he continued to shove himself into you. "my princess is so well mannered. of course i'll breed you pretty girl." his hand pulled your thigh in so he could reach even deeper, thrusting his cock as his thumb grazed against your cunt. he was giving you the fucking of a lifetime, pussy full and cunt overstimulated. "shit- gonna cum inside of you y/n. gonna fill you up so good."you could feel yourself reaching the limit, moaning, whimpering, digging your nails into hawks's back. his cock pouring every ounce of cum he could muster into your needy cunt. panting, he pulled out and watched the mix of his cum and yours slowly ooze out of you pussy. your insides were painted white.

"did so well sweetheart." hawks fell into your arms, resting his head on your chest.

"you too baby." you pressed a kissed on his head and ruffled his already messed up hair.

"is this the same y/n i know give ME a pet name? i could die happy." he looked at you with eager eyes waiting for an answer, with an underlying feeling of shock.

"well...we're in a relationship so i should start using pet names more often!" you didn't think it that big of a deal but to hawks it was like the world had just granted his every wish, his heart pounding next to yours.

"lets clean up and get some sleep, 'kay? i'll apologise to erase head tomorrow." he got up and headed to the bathroom.

you nodded and followed behind hawks, getting into the shower with him. you took turns washing each others hair and backs, hawks occasionally planting bubbles on your nose. the domestic moments you were having, like drying his hair and vice versa, made you feel like you were on cloud nine. butterflies erupted at the thought of you and hawks behaving like husband and wife.

the hotel had provided you and hawks with a pair of black silk pyjamas. they were so smooth to touchy and easy on the skin. the little pocket on your chest even had your name on it, hawks had the same but just with his name. well hero name. but the clothes were perfect fit. but how did they know you would be staying?

"hawks, why do i have a pair of pyjamas? i mean i'm not a hero nor was i a direct guest." he laid on the bed and you sat beside him, his hand petting your thigh.

"i asked them to get you a pair, pretty cool right."

"okay- but how did you know i would be staying, heck i didn't even know i was gonna stay the night." you poked his chest, your lips pouting.

"bird instinct." you started laughing, how unserious could he be. but it was nice, a change of mood.

"scoot over bird brains!"

he shuffled to the right side to make a little nest for you to lay on. hawks arm stretched out across the pillow, his hand prodding you to come over. you plopped your head on his arm and your face nuzzled in his chest. the light switched off, the blanket wrapped round you and so did hawks. you didn't need city lights to call something home anymore. it was right Infront of you, practically thrown over your entire being.

"goodnight y/n, sweet dreams." he lifted your chin, placing a gentle kiss on your lips, and then your nose, and finally your head.

"goodnight hawks. thank you for being my home.”

#mha x reader #bnha x reader #hawks x reader #hawks x y/n #hawks series #hawks smut #mha smut #bnha smut

[emmathorne]

This right here is exactly the risk we're talking about with parasocial relationships.

Context: This is a viewer of mine who made a video asking me questions and popped into a couple of streams of mine. A fan, a stranger. Out of nowhere, they tweeted at me asking for advice for someone who wants to end their life in 6 months, their family doesn't care for them etc.

I get a lot of messages and tweets and stuff every day, including ones that attempt to cross a personal boundary like this. I've also had someone IRL threaten suicide and it is fucking awful to deal with. I replied with a list of global crisis lines and blocked them. I stand by that as the right thing to do for me and for them.

As far as I was concerned, that was the end of it. I cut communication with someone who doesn't understand the boundaries that need to exist between a creator and a fan. They were still in my discord, I blocked them from speaking to me personally but I didn't ban them from anywhere- to me it was about removing communication between us for both our sakes. It's clear that between their initial reaction of feeling apologetic and this message, they had gotten very angry at me not just for blocking them, but for not giving them the response they wanted.

I am not a mental health professional. There is no way to know whether I would give good or terrible advice, and I don't want to risk the latter. I've struggled with my own mental health issues all my life. My emotional lows come in a cycle, and if their tweet had come in the low part of the month for me, I could have had a really bad reaction- no one wants someone else's life to be suddenly in their hands. Of course they couldn't have known that about me- but that's the point. They don't know me. That's exactly why you don't reach out to a stranger, especially one you look up to as a fan, who could exert power over you. Imagine if I was a cruel and manipulative person, having just been handed a vulnerable individual who looks up to me.

From the final, guilt tripping message here, it seems like they may have envisioned a future in which we were friends or collaborators, and maybe that influenced their feelings here. The reality of the here and now is that they reached out to a stranger, someone whose curated videos they enjoyed watching from thousands of miles away.

I'm not angry at this person. They're young and going through a shitty time and it's normal to make mistakes. I hope that getting pissed at me makes them feel better, I really do, because that's a lot better than straining any real relationships they have.

There's not much to say that hasn't been said on parasocial relationships so I'll keep it really simple.

Don't trauma dump on strangers. You don't know what people are going through. If you reach out and find yourself unanswered or blocked etc by someone you looked up to, it's ok to be mad, but chances are they're just doing what is best for them and probably you too. The best thing you can do is seek professional resources and lean on your irl trust network. It's not easy, but they will undoubtedly give better advice than an internet stranger ever could.

#mental health #trauma dump #cw sui mention

[eulchu]

this is why i need certain people to leave dteam alone cause apparently people now think it’s okay to joke about how dreamnap are together while gnf is alone in london. i literally went onto twitter just to see if there’s anything new on tl and this is the shit i come to -_-

both george and dream we have been told that this has affected their mental health, and all of dteam aren’t motivated to upload bc of it. why tf do these people think it’s okay to make “jokes” to say dreamnap are fucking while gnf is alone, when it’s about something that negatively affects all of them irl ??? sorry but this is why i can’t stand sapnap mains lawl. sure enjoy your sapnap ships but don’t fucking talk about the fact that george still isn’t in florida to validate it

also these people have the nerve to say “it’s not in their boundaries to not make jokes like this”. hmmmm wonder why… maybe it’s cause dteam would expect people to have basic human decency. not everything needs to be made into a boundary when it should be common sense. there are too many people who use “it’s not in their boundaries” to excuse their shitty “jokes” and i hope they choke. exposing themselves as terrible people over /r dreamnap? yikes🤢

i need the meetup to happen for mine and dteams mental health. i’m just sick of any time i check twitter anymore, i see these god awful takes and ik the meetup will make them shut the fuck up at least for a little. genuinely have felt so meh about fandom since Amsterdam happened. i wish people could just be normal about dteam meetup. that’s what’s really makes me annoyed. like there’s no need for people to joke about it still not happening <<which also was happening with twitchcon when people would tag dream saying they met george before him>>. you can talk about being excited and what you think we’ll see from them post meetup, not about hahahah george is alone, dream sap fucking and in love

some people are so incredibly disrespectful and gross and for what, to get a raise out of other fans? no stupid "ship war" or whatever will be worth putting the animosity over real life relationships and i really need people to drill it into their brains.

shipping might be within the dteam's boundaries but not being an asshole is literal fucking common decency. i don't care if it's a joke, use your brain and learn to read the damn room. it stops being funny it stops being a "ship war" when you involve real feelings and real circumstances about real friendships. fuck off and die srs

#ask #cw discourse #tbh to this day i still can't believe dnfers have the bad rep like #when it's literally every other shipper who starts insane shit like this

[ikwhatyouaremikewheeler]

Cecily Smith: Eddie Munson/ Steve Harrington

Warning: major death,angst, funerals, doctor and hospital mentions, one mentions of guns and cigarettes

The lyrics don't fully match the story but yeah, enjoy!!

Song: 'The war was over I was living with my folks, I yelled upstairs "hey Ma I'm off to grab some smokes" but my father called "why'd you need to smoke so late?" I had lied, I had a date'

Eddie had been going out with Steve in secret for several months, and they were the best days of his life. They had decided to meet up at the corner of Steve's street; so they could 'sneak off to go see some shitty concert' ; at least in Eddie's words. But of course, if his boyfriend was happy with it, he wouldn't judge it (Outwardly). Especially when he had been pleading sounding so excited that he might actually explode. They had been in the hallway when it happened, Steve's eyes wide and practically sparkling, much to Eddie's Dismay. Which is why they were here tonight.. those damn eyes.

Song: 'How she stuck out her hand and said " My name is Cecily Smith and I hope you like music 'cause I got Two tickets for La Traviata" that's when I said "I hate opera" '

Once they had gotten inside, Eddie had been grumbling about how crowded it was, and how it looked boring. "Do we really have to watch this? I mean it can't be that bad but I might die of boredom." Steve rolled his eyes, tugging at Eddie's arm to pull him over to their seats, while I clueless Eddie followed. Hell if Steve asked Nicely he would probably follow him to the ends of the earth. No not probably, he would, no doubt. Steve now sitting down next to him and placing his hands in his lap.

Song: 'we take a seat her hands are folded in her lap, if not a kiss I can at least get a nap'

Steve sat next to Eddie, who looked like he might already fall asleep. Usually when he fell asleep, the other would stare in awe and amazement, wondering how he got to date someone so pretty.

Slowly reaching his hand over to intertwine with Eddie's; who jolted up right after the music had started, his face (thankfully) hidden by the dimmed lights. Looking over to Steve, who was focused on the stage as they sat.

Song: 'Then I hear violins, and the hair on my neck starts rising, a feeling new and surprising, but it wasn't the sound that made my heart pound. No! It was because I found that her hand was in mine'

After a few hours of Torture for Eddie, and absolutely terrible music. They had finally left, walking aimlessly to Steve's car, who asked the simple question of "Sooo.. how boring was it?" Looking over to him as he looked around, before intertwining their hands once again. Quite honestly, with Steve by his side, to Eddie, everything was perfect, even old people music he didn't like. "it wasn't as bad as I thought, but it was long as hell." He groaned, now clinging onto his arm as they got to the car. Not like he'd ever admit that was one of his favorite dates yet.

Song: 'years through by like a bullet from a gun, a week, some years and then a marriage and a 'son'. ' (might make the 'son' Dustin)

Of course Eddie never actually got to marry Steve, by now, it was the very early 90's. But Steve had still said yes, when asked if he'd marry him. They shared vows in private, not letting anyone know. Eddie's vows basically being "you're the love of my life, and even if we aren't ' legally' binded together, I'll love you all the same" which had caused Steve to burst into tears, the love he felt for this man was undescribable, and he could barely make it through his own vows before more tears fell from his eyes. Carefully running over his freckles, catching on his dimples for a moment. They were happy tears, he wouldn't trade this for anything. Another memory they had was when there was a record playing in the background, Steve and Eddie laying with each other and humming along.

Song: 'i let the music guide me, and Cecily sits beside me. A girl of 19 and a nervous marine. Feel her head begin to lean as the melody soars.'

Steve had gotten sick sometime after, at first it was a Normal cold, but it progressed into something worse; until Eddie had forced his husband to go to a doctor. Office after office, appointment after the other, no one knew what was wrong with him. He had gotten paler, weaker, skinnier, his cheeks sunken in, Steve was always tired. His dimples. His beautiful dimples, had disappeared, his face to small for them to show. His freckles now standing out even more against his basically paper white skin.

Song: 'And though it was real, it doesn't feel like it could be, that night you said to me 'i got two tickets to La Traviata' .'

Steve died that spring. His heart had finally given up. The funeral was quiet, too quiet for how many people had showed up. But no one spoke, not to each other, and certainly not to Eddie. Who stood there, staring inside the coffin with a blank expression. That wasn't Steve— well it was, but not HIS Steve. This was the sick one, who's face was dull, who looked like he was in pain. His Steve, the one who's smile could light up a room, who would sing Cheesy love songs with Eddie.. his Steve, the one he married. This wasn't his husband, it was some sick man, who's freckles, usually vibrant compared to a beautiful blushing face, now dull, no matter how much they stuck out. No more dimples to cheer Eddie up after a bad day. It was gone.. all gone, the memories they had, the rest of his life with Steve. The thought of Steve being healthy was out the window. He had never imagined life without him, but now he had to. Finally letting his blank facade break, his face contorting, tears falling down his face, soaking into his shirt Collar. He missed Steve, his wonderful husband who did so much for him. Who did so much with him. Sobs wracked through his chest, as if his ribs would break if he didn't let them out, body trembling. Echoing through the empty room, not actually empty, everyone was there to watch this. But in Eddie's mind, no one was there but him and Steve. healthy and happy Steve, who stole his shirts, and his heart, who wore his wedding band on a necklace. "I miss you so much.. but I'll love you all the same, no matter what.." he choked back another sob, the last line of his wedding vows, choking him like a vice, words he could never say. Right before he had passed, Steve had become clingier with him, spent the days reassuring Eddie he'd be fine, only to be met with Silence as he connected his freckles and Moles into patterns, for the last few times.

Song: 'Its sad but it's true, how much I miss you, I miss you Cecily Smith.'

END

A/N; not as detailed as usual I think but yeah, sorry for this, more coming soon 🤩, also I am so sorry for this,I will make it up to y'all I promise!!

[thewingedwolf]

<long and rambling, I’m gonna add a cut when I get on a desktop next bc I don’t think I can do it on mobile>

Went to a pride party, absolutely fucking crashed and burned several times at socialization and I apologized to my friend for being Terrible At Parties and my friend goes “you really ARE bad at talking I can’t believe I never noticed it! That feels like this one is on me!” And honestly I think that was the first time anyone has ever taken responsibility for my anxiety and for some reason I do not understand at ALL it made me feel REALLY good about myself ya kno like it was the equivalent of taking your friend who you know damn well hates shellfish to a crab shack and not understand why they’re annoyed as they pick at their shitty ass salad. Like yeah man my anxiety is YOUR problem bro not mine.

Uh anyways so all that anxiety + anxiety from the event we had today - which went really well!!! I’m actually really happy with how it went! We put a lot of hard work into it and it really paid off! - and also generally my anxiety has been awful lately + the amount of pot I consumed at that party bro if I would have realized they were gonna be that free and loose with the weed I would have brought an ice pack, propped my leg up on a chair, and started smoking the moment I came in so I could have lasted longer!!!! = I have been like uh ~talking with a dude and I’m being very careful because Im actually Very careful on the internet, sometimes in weird ways, and I know there are ways I could be safer for sure, but I also think that while my anxiety has hindered my ability to date in a lot of ways, once or twice it has helped me realize that there was a red flag I missed not too far away and then I bailed and it was the RIGHT decision. This guy wasn’t talking down to me, we were sort of disagreeing about serious stuff so it was tense but we weren’t arguing, just discussing and finding we had different world views on something. And then I made a joke about how I just wanted them to raise the minimum wage bc my rent was expensive to lighten the mood up a bit, bc we had both been throwing jokes in every few minutes so it didn’t get too serious and then…then I looked at my phone and it said that he had deleted a chat he had sent, and then he sort of made some “this system is broken someone needs to fix it” and that’s FINE except we haven’t really discussed politics and I admit I’ve been a little mum in that regard bc he’s bisexual and we sort of really quickly bonded over the weirdness of being raised technically in yiur culture but unable to speak the language and that was interesting but also doesn’t mean anything like maybe he meant it in a commie sort of way since he’s told me he’s been really affected by COVID so maybe he, like a lot of people, found himself feeling more and more than this system is inherently broken beyond repair. Or MAYBE he meant it in a “you know I really think trump was onto something” sort of way and I’ve been staring at these messages wondering what the fuck they mean but let me reiterate, I have not looked at these messages ONCE without being bogged down with anxiety or high as a kite! He might not have been making an Anakin skywalker style “maybe dictators are good actually” type comment, you might, in fact, just have spent the last 20 hours in a bungled mess of anxiety and weed and pain.

Um anyways this program went really well and I think I’m gonna stay on to do it next year because I had sort of a good time, it reminded me why I like working in a library, but also, I’m so glad it’s over bc it was so much effort and I’m so anxious and tired all the time akskdkjd I don’t do anything but sleep and watch the same three episodes of a show bc I keep falling asleep, and then texting this dude at 4 am when I wake up bc I can’t sleep thru the night bc he keeps the WEIRDEST hours so I know he’ll be up and like ~flirting until I fall back asleep. That’s it. That’s been most of my life bc of this program the last few weeks. It’s not bad, but bro I would LOVE a CHANGE

In other news a pretty (straight) girl hugged me at work and I almost cried its been such a great pride already 🥲🥲🥲

#rani makes text posts no one will read

[britneyshakespeare]

re: my last post rambling about my siblings: i also realize of course that not everyone who has siblings has as good a relationship to them as i do, and that can be for any number of reasons, can have any number of resolutions, including just begrudgingly accepting that your sibling(s) are never gonna be the closest people in your life. i talked about how the bond i have with mine is akin to a commitment, because all of us prioritize each other, but i don't mean to make it sound idyllic or like it should be the universal standard. i am lucky but i am not naive. not everyone gets the siblings they would most wish to have, or some people just aren't that close to them and i don't particularly have a blanket judgment to make of that in all cases. however...

that guy i made a bunch of personal posts over the summer about because he was an emotionally abusive friend that i had to cut off, who asserted way too much control over my life, who was guilt-tripping and manipulative and sought to silence me etc etc etc he really was just never very accepting of me for who i was, never expressed interest in anything about me that didn't have to do with him, etc etc etc just that JERK guy who i still have nightmares about a few times a month. it took me a long time to accept that he wasn't just "depressed" and "anxious" but that he was actively using people; he wasn't accepting of harmony but always wanted control over others and their narratives, etc etc etc. there were certain sides of him i didn't see much because i got to know him in a rather isolated way. we had mutual contacts but i never worked with him or had a class with him or really even met him a few times before he started spilling his heart and soul to me privately and said i'm his best friend and i'm the only one who understands and supports him and basically pressured me to make him my project 24/7 and was incredibly disrespectful towards me whenever i asserted my own independence from him or just. wanted to see someone other than him or even just wanted to be by MYSELF. jesus. what a nightmare that guy was. IS, because i know he can't have changed and he probably never will.

THAT guy has a sibling. he has a little brother four years younger than him, and that guy was about two years younger than me. so his brother turned 18 this year. he graduated from high school. his brother is YOUNG, all things considered. and as much as he would constantly pour his heart out and gripe about every person he ever came into contact with (and as much as i now distrust a lot of the information he told me because i know he'll only ever say flattering things about himself and never speak forgivingly or with any nuance towards someone he labels now as "bad", including me)... the only time that i didn't really know how to listen with as open a heart was when he would start talking about how awful his little brother is. i'd be like, ok, so you had terrible friends in high school. all the people in your classes are shitty to you. this person has done you wrong and this person is awful and your parents and your family suck and this and that and this. no one has ever been good to you in your entire life except me? ok.

the ONLY time i was like "i don't know if i can take this at face value, i think you're being too harsh..." is when he would talk about his little brother. because i was like, well, from everything you're telling me, his problems sound like something he can very well grow out of. he'd be like oh he's PRETENTIOUS. lol ok. he's a senior in high school, of course he sometimes acts like he knows everything. why do you act like he's a lost cause? i could also tell that there must've been some personal jealousy in there bc his brother was kind of the "more accomplished" sibling, did better in school, that sort of thing. i don't know what it's like to be an older sibling or to feel like you're living in the shadow of a sibling, especially a younger one, because i've always kind of been on a different path than any of my siblings/there hasn't really been a sense of competition between us. i would try to give him the benefit of the doubt and be like "well i guess i really don't know what that's like" because you CAN'T assume. i give EVERYONE the benefit of the doubt and i try to take people, especially when they're being vulnerable with me, at their word, which is exactly how i got so involved with this guy and ended up being so used by him and under his thumb. horrible. he's a monster. anyway.

and whenever i'd be like "well he's just a kid" to every negative thing he'd say about his little brother, that's when he'd dismiss the subject and stop talking about it. and this isn't something that came up a couple of times but came up a LOT. he'd shit talk his brother to me at least several times a week, always unprompted, because why would i wanna hear someone badmouth a teenager? and it'd always be the pettiest shit. one time he even told me that he noticed his brother didn't come home last night and he didn't know where he was and i was like "oh my god is he ok? that's terrifying" and it's like he did that just so he could tell me "no i don't really care honestly. the two of us aren't close." it's like he wasn't just not-close with this kid but he was obsessed with hating him.

not only did his reasons never seem to satisfy me, but he never seemed to acknowledge that his little brother shared all of the traumas and adverse experiences he grew up with, the discrimination he faced and the familial trauma and the structures of abuse he would tell me about from his parents. he would mention how these are all the problems and the reasons he can't trust people and why he's so fucked up but he didn't seem to have any patience or empathy for someone younger than him brought up in the same exact environment. it's like he wanted his brother to always just fuck off and die.

none of this made any sense to me, it was if anything the BIGGEST sense of confusion i had with him for a long time because i dismissed all the ways he was cruel to *just me* until i started picking up all his patterns and realizing this all WASN'T just how he treats me. HE is the problem; HE is this entitled and controlling and nasty and manipulative towards everyone; HE has no self-awareness or regard for other people. it's not just ME not having the guts to stand up for myself when he made me feel uncomfortable or when i'd feel disrespected by something he said to/about me. he would know when he was saying something unacceptable or losing his temper; he did it with other people all the time. but he isolated and then lovebombed me so hard that i didn't see that this WAS how he treated everyone, but he made me in particular his prey because i was a trusting and trustworthy stranger, rather than someone who had seen him behave in such a way towards other people and could make the informed choice to stay away from him. it was never JUST ME but how could i have known that?? how?? i didnt know anything about his life except what he'd tell me, and he was actively sucking me away from all parts of my life he wasn't involved in, and/or forcing his way into them. there was no space between him and me; my life became his because he hijacked it and then forced me to do all his emotional labor and solve all his problems so i'd hardly have any energy to face my own.

anyway. yeah. it all made MUCH more sense when i realized HE is the problem between him and his brother. that didn't stick out as a red flag because again i'm trusting and i accept all these hypothetically broken or damaged familial relationships people have. HE really wanted me to hate this teenager for no good reason, like he wanted me to hate everyone else in his life that he'd ever decide to cast as a villain. i never understood why the teenage boy. never understood it. i'm like he's just a boy. OH but you're an awful horrible jerk who can't get along with anyone for longer than 2 minutes before you try and take control of everything about them and then lash out if they try to assert their independence. OOOHHH ok i get it now that makes sense. because that's what you've been doing to me all this time ohhh i get it.

#wow this is such a long post lol #long post #tales from diana #im not proofreading this so if this makes no sense well whatever #sorry if you... missed my... constant crises about this situation over the summer? #i do still have nightmares about him lol #i have otherwise been moving on... pretty ok #you know it's just such a relief to not talk to him anymore ever. love that #i have him blocked too 🖤🖤🖤 #and he isn't a school/work acquaintance and we don't live suuuper close where i'd worry about seeing him in public randomly #i have had some friends that i explained our falling out to that have randomly ran into him. and he glared at them. lol #he really tried to involve all my friends in the messiest ways after he realized he was losing his control over me. #he was acting so entitled and imposing and overly-familiar and spilling all his 'problems' hes having with me #to ppl that i had introduced him to a couple of times and he would never be emotionally close with #but now he wants to pour his heart out about how he's been victimized by my callousness towards him (read: my individual identity/needs) #like what a fucking trainwreck that was. #in fact i encouraged him to be vulnerable with some of these friends like he was ALWAYS being vulnerable to me #making me support him 24/7 and literally never giving me time to do or think about anything else #never reciprocating interest or concern when it comes to my own life in any way. even if he KNEW about problems i had going on #just no sympathy from him whatsoever. he was just a sympathy vampire. he took and took and took and never gave back. #like i said he's the most self-centered person i've ever met. #yeah. i need to drop this now #but i do feel bad for his little brother. bc everything i ever felt sympathy for him for also applies to his brother #but his BROTHER has never shown any signs to me of being nearly as disgusting as he is. #he's brother's just a kid. but imagine having such a nightmare of a brother for the rest of your life. im sorry to him

[robininthelabyrinth]

Cultivated-to-Immortality post-canon where cultivation in modern day is mostly mysterious and many doubt it's real - and then WWX gets a cooking show...

“I’m going to murder him,” Jiang Cheng said blankly.

He wasn’t even angry or frustrated or any of the things he normally was when he said something like that. That would require actually reacting to -

What he just saw.

With his own eyes.

For real.

“You can’t do that,” Nie Huaisang said from where he was curled into a tiny little ball on their on-the-verge-of-breaking-down couch – modern things were really crap. The thing couldn’t be older than what, thirty or forty years, and it was already useless, and Nie Huaisang wasn’t helping matters by crying tears of laughter into the worn-out cushions like he was right now. “He’s immortal, remember? We’re all immortal.”

“Immortal in the sense that we won’t die of old age,” Jiang Cheng said. “I can still kill him.”

“You wouldn’t.”

“I wouldn’t,” Jiang Cheng admitted. He was pretty sure they’d established that back in Wei Wuxian’s first life, forget his subsequent resurrection or when they all unexpectedly achieved immortality. “But I could definitely break his legs. He’d heal from that quick enough.”

“The day you break his legs will be the same day you do it to Jin Ling,” Nie Huaisang said wisely. “And I know you wouldn’t do that to our beloved junior squad.”

“You really need to stop calling them juniors, they’re all married with children and grandchildren a half-dozen times over already, and anyway stop getting away from the main point, which is this – this – this travesty.”

“It’s not a travesty,” Nie Huaisang said, pretending towards solemnity. Jiang Cheng didn’t know why he bothered, it wasn’t like they hadn’t spent centuries together by now on account of immortality being a little lonely and them not liking anyone else who’d reached immortality enough to want to spend that sort of time with them. “It’s a cooking show.”

“It can be a cooking show and a travesty! It’s a cooking show run by Wei Wuxian,” Jiang Cheng growled. His stomach hurt just remembering the many times he’d been suckered into trying something because this time I’ve really got it down, I promise, you’ll like it! “Of course it’s a travesty. Did you see the set up he has going on? He has an entire wall of hot peppers!”

“Hmm, good point,” Nie Huaisang said. “You’re right. Something needs to be done about this.”

“I’m glad we agree.”

“I’ll send him some peppers from our garden,” Nie Huaisang decided. “I have that new varietal breed that we’ve been working on, extra hot; he’ll love it.”

“Don’t you dare send him the Zidian pepper without letting me try it first,” Jiang Cheng said pointedly. “It’s mine. He only gets leftovers once I’ve decided it’s complete. Anyway, are you telling me that you don’t think that this - this - this thing is a disgrace?”

They both looked at the screen, where the words ‘CHEF CULTIVATOR’ had appeared in large letters.

“I don’t know,” Nie Huaisang said thoughtfully. “I rather like the conceit of it – the mysterious food-obsessed Chairman kidnapping the heirs of the various cultivation clans...it’s all very historically accurate, at least?”

“One, Wen Ruohan wasn’t a Chairman, he was a tyrannical warlord who made all our lives absolutely miserable. Two, if that set is supposed to be the Nightless City, why is it so dark, and what’s with all the lava everywhere? I’m not even going to touch on the rock chair thing that no cultivator who values the state of their ass would ever sit on -”

“I don’t know about that,” Nie Huaisang said, looking down at their shitty couch with a exaggerated thoughtful look.

Jiang Cheng ignored him. He didn’t want to go couch-shopping again. It’d only been a few decades!

“And three,” he said, soldiering on, “I feel the need to point out that the cultivation clans were not named ‘Spicy’, ‘Barbecue’, ‘Vegetarian’, and ‘Expensive Fusion’.”

“But he’s got the coloring right and everything! And it’s really funny to see a chef outfit done up in that awful Jin gold color...”

Jiang Cheng put his head in his hands.

“I really don’t know what you’re talking about,” Nie Huaisang said, completely unable to resist bursting out in occasional bouts of giggling. “This is exactly like the time the Wen sect forced all of us to attend their indoctrination camp. Exactly like! You’re just misremembering.”

“I’m pretty sure that I’d remember being forced to compete in some sort of absurd cooking competition with mystery ingredients.”

“Would’ve been nice if we had.” At Jiang Cheng’s incredulous expression, Nie Huaisang shrugged. “Better than listening to Wen Chao talk, no?”

“…well, yes,” Jiang Cheng admitted. “Still, the whole thing seems a bit much. Cultivation is now state-regulated - by which we mean mostly banned from public knowledge - and our sects are all shrouded in mystery...this does seem to lower the tone a bit.”

“Like you care about tone.”

Jiang Cheng, who’d declared that he’d stopped giving a fuck sometime around the eleventh century, had to concede that.

“How’d he get the whole thing approved by the government?” he asked instead. “I thought they censored anything to do with modern-day cultivation.”

“I don’t think they’re that concerned about him spilling actual cultivation secrets on his cooking show.”

Jiang Cheng huffed, not wanting to admit that Nie Huaisang had a point. At any rate, the commercials were over and the show was continuing; he had better things to do than listen to Nie Huaisang talk, like watch the television.

After a few moments, his face began to turn purple.

“Oh,” Nie Huaisang said, and buried his face back into the pillows. “Oh no. Oh no.”

“I cannot believe him,” Jiang Cheng said. “I can’t – he can’t –”

“Now, now,” Nie Huaisang said between laughter so hard that he was hiccupping. “Be nice. If Wei Wuxian is the despotic Chef Cultivator and - oh this is terrible - Grandmaster of Demonic Cooking, that is on the hunt for a chef worthy of being his successor by forcing teams to challenge his stable of in-house chefs, it only makes sense that the ‘challenger’ team would be protected by the – by the –”

Jiang Cheng closed his eyes. “Lightly-Braised Lord?”

“That!”

“I would say that I can’t believe Hanguang-jun agreed to this, except he hasn’t said ‘no’ to Wei Wuxian in centuries,” Jiang Cheng said bitterly. There was a reason he refused to live with them. “This is a disgrace.”

“Accurate, though!” Nie Huaisang said, grinning. “That’s a very mild flavor of cooking, very appropriate for Lan Wangji.”

“I think you mean tasteless.”

“I mean, Lan Wangji is that, too, at least when it comes to Wei-xiong”

Jiang Cheng couldn’t exactly say that that was wrong.

They continued watching.

“Oh no,” Nie Huaisang said a few moments later. “The Ghost Pepper General. Poor Wen Ning!”

“It doesn’t fit,” Jiang Cheng said with a sniff. “He has no flavor profile.”

Maybe he was getting more into this than he would be willing to admit.

...he wasn’t going to admit it out loud anyway.

Nie Huaisang sniggered. “I hope Wei-xiong isn’t the judge.”

Jiang Cheng stared at the screen. “I still can’t believe this is actually happening.”

“I love it,” Nie Huaisang said. He was now scrolling on his phone. “The internet agrees with me, apparently. It’s a hit!”

“It figures.”

Their phones gave a chime at the same time, indicating a message on their group chat.

“Huh,” Nie Huaisang said. “That was the notable Chef Cultivator himself.”

“Oh, I bet it was,” Jiang Cheng grumbled, making no move to reach for his own phone. “What does he want? To apologize?”

“No, to offer us walk-on roles in the event he gets renewed for a second season.”

“Absolutely not,” Jiang Cheng said at once. “I refuse to be known as the Sandwich Shengshou or whatever he comes up with.”

Nie Huaisang dissolved into giggles. “Oh no. He would, too!...I wonder what I’d be?”

Jiang Cheng huffed. “You’d be – the Saltshaker. Obviously.”

“Oh noooooooo…”

#mdzs #jiang cheng #nie huaisang #wei wuxian #lan wangji #wen ning #my fic #my fics #complete and utter crack #I feel like I should apologize #oneiriad #to be clear this is shamlessly based off the original Iron Chef show

[nessaxc]

___________________________________

Stress Reliever || Kuroo Tetsurou

You're working so hard one day that you develop a migraine so Kuroo is determined to help relieve it.

~ Rating: Explicit

~ Words: 2.5k

~ Tags: Fluff, Comfort Sex, Lap Sex, Explicit Sexual Content, Shameless Smut, Sexual dialogue, Swearing, Vaginal Sex,

___________________________________

Funny enough the day didn’t start off terrible. In fact, it started off pretty well. You woke up fairly early enough to drag yourself out of bed to do your morning exercises. Even after exercising and getting ready, you still had time to make yourself some coffee, and you were feeling in a positively good mood, though, that quickly went away.

Your professor was nagging you about the extra exercises and apparently you had a deadline for it, so you were swamped with work, and felt like you were being pulled in multiple directions. As such, you completely skipped lunch and barely had time to snack or eat the rest of the day. That was a major mistake and now you were starting to regret it horribly. The coffee stain on your shirt was a grim reminder of how much of a shit day you were having, so you tugged it off later that day to change into a comfortable nightdress.

Your head felt like it was on fire. You tried to focus on your computer screen, but the light of the device hurt your eyes and you shut them, pressing the heels of your palms into closed eyelids. The lack of food and water, plus your stress was starting to cause a migraine to emerge and you foolishly tried to just wish it away. Obviously it didn't seem to work.

Then Kuroo came around when you were working in the living room, wearing a deep red robe, sipping from a cup before he pulled it away from his lips to ask, "You okay, baby?" he walked over, and when he slammed his cup down on the table it made you wince.

"No," you admitted. You pulled your hands away from your face and nearly sobbed as you saw that your computer was now frozen.

You bit back a collection of swears that you wanted so desperately to scream. Instead, you grimly began to work again after everything closed, clicking on a browser to get back started.

"Earth to Y/N!" he waved his hand in front of your face, chuckling in amusement, and you just moved your head to the direction of the screen. The more you went on, the harder it got to concentrate. Your migraine was full on now, and your head was throbbing so much that it made it near impossible to focus on anything. You closed your eyes for a few moments, before you forced yourself to open them as you returned to the exercises you were working on.

"I think you need to relax," he suggested, "you can barely look at the computer screen," he laughed as he mocked the way your eyes were falling closed, his eyes heavily lidded as he slowly blinked them, a dazed look on his face.

"I can't, I have more work to do," you muttered. You appreciated his attempt at showing concern, but you really were too busy to leave now. You didn't even know what time it was, but you constantly told yourself that you weren't going to stop until everything was finished.

He placed a hand on your shoulder, and you fought the urge to look at him as he massaged the curve of it with his fingers.

"Aw don't be such a workaholic," he told you, and you nearly hissed at him, "I think what you need is a break, doctor's orders!" he exclaimed with a chuckle. "C'mon, you don't have anything that can't wait until tomorrow."

"I'm fine," you lied. You were stubborn and hated leaving things unfinished.

"You're not fine, c'mon, now the boss is telling you that you need to stop working," he urged, and you would have laughed because he was speaking in that cute whiny voice you loved had you not been so invested in your work. "I won't take no for an answer," he said with an amused smirk.

"No it's okay," you started, "I can keep going," you said, your voice lacking any sort of conviction. "I have a deadline."

"Well I said you don't, the professor gonna have to wait, last I checked you're supposed to listen to me, not that old fart," he pulled the laptop away from your grasp, and you wanted to argue but the words died in your throat as your head throbbed painfully.

"Tetsurou, I wasn't finished," you said, your voice expressing weak disapproval.

He scooped you up into his arms suddenly, humming away loudly and acting as if he didn't hear you. He carried you all the way to his room, bridal-style, which you couldn't help but giggle at, and he flopped down on the bed, positioning you on the comfortable seat that was his lap. He ran his hand along your arm, stroking the skin there as he eyed you with a suggestive look on his face.

"Migraine?" he asked. He knew you so well. You had the tendency to get migraines when you pushed yourself too much, and you groaned in response.

"You had a tough day huh?" he continued, a pout playing on his lips before he chuckled. "No biggie, I'm here to fix that," he assured, his voice somewhat soothing for once.

"It sucked," you mumbled, leaning into his touch as he stroked both of your arms with his hands, feeling yourself relax a little more. He pulled you closer against his chest, his breath tickling your neck.

"Sorry you had a shit day," he chuckled, his grin widening when you cracked a small smile, tucking a lock of hair behind your ear. "But that's why you always have me to make it extraordinary!" he exclaimed smugly.

"It's fine, I had worse," you admitted, and he continued to laugh at that. You both fell into silence for a few moments. You loved that you could have a horrible day or a shitty migraine, and Kuroo would be there to help make you feel better. You were so comfortable and warm, despite the pounding in your head. But even with that pulsating ache in your head, you found yourself getting lost in the features of his face — those long ebony eyelashes, that single strand of black hair that fell in front of his forehead, the glimmer in his eyes, you drank it all in, and of course he noticed this.

"Like what you see, baby?" he raised both eyebrows inquisitively, his smirk only broadening even more so, entertained by your watchful stare.

"Maybe," you said with a light shrug, acting as if it was nothing.

He slid his hands up to your shoulders, kneading his fingers into them, and the feeling made you shiver slightly. You found yourself craving his touch almost instantly. You were suddenly very aware of his hot skin against yours and his hot breath chasing the skin on your neck.

"You know," he said before leaning in to press kisses upon your neck, "sex actually helps migraines."

As soon as he said the words, you felt him twitch against you. His lips then brushed your shoulder and you could feel his sly smirk.

"Is that so?" you asked, your voice taking a very different tone, that suggested a challenge. His fingers wandered down to the hem of your nightdress in search of the skin underneath.

"Yes, or so I've heard," he teased, making you chuckle in response.

"Make me feel better then," you whispered. You reached for the first button of your nightdress, his eyes widened a little as you worked your way down, and you emitted a soft gasp as you felt him harden against you. You popped the next one open but he quickly became impatient with your pace, he brought his hands back up and tore the dress open, letting the buttons fly about the room in loud pings before tossing it away.

You couldn't help but giggle in response to that because of how eager he was, and he quickly joined your state of laughter. Your hands fumbled to rid of the robe that covered his body, slipping it off in a hurry and allowing it to join your ripped dress on the floor. Your cheeks turned to the color of scarlet upon the sight of his stiff erection pointing up, amazed by how hard he was already.

You shivered when he cupped your breast. His hand was cold, and your nipples were already hard from the chill in the night air, but when he brushed his thumb over the sensitive tip of your breast, you sighed in pleasure. You trailed your cool fingertips down his side to his hip, your breath hitched.

"You're so fucking beautiful," he said under his breath before a chuckle slipped through, then he pressed his lips to yours. When you began to trail your fingers up and down his member, his tongue plunged into your mouth. He cupped your other breast, his thumbs brushing back and forth over your nipples. You inched forward, rubbing the ball of your thumb against the head of his member. When you were almost straddling him, you shifted your weight from your knees to your feet, sliding one arm around his neck to hold your balance as you kept fondling his member, and he nipped at your bottom lip, letting out a low, pleased moan.

"Oh shit," he growled before he added, "you're mine, all mine," he repeated, giving you one last hard kiss, then nuzzling his way down to your neck, and you arched to give him room as he brushed his lips just lightly across the tops of your breasts. You angled your hips, gripping his shoulders as you rubbed the slit of your sex into the hard length of his erection, your clit sliding against the underside of his shaft, and when he suckled against your nipple, you shuddered, making you whimper loudly.

"Mmm, yes," you murmured, closing your eyes as he lashed his tongue back and forth against your nipple, then gently bit the underside of your breast.

"So beautiful, fuck, I love how this perfect body is all mine," he cooed. He moved to the other, stroking your wet nipple as he pressed his other palm into the small of your back, guiding you as you ground against him. He murmured your name against your breast, and closed his teeth around your nipple. Your clit brushed the tip of his member and you moaned, hips trembling a little as you kept rubbing against him in a desperate attempt for some relief.

"Baby, get inside me," you moaned, and he kissed you between your breasts before he straightened. His dark-eyed gaze was intent on yours, watching as you were a complete and utter panting mess against him. He guided you up, angling himself under you, making you lean forward and you caught his earlobe in your mouth hungrily.

"Please, baby, please, oh fuck," you cried, and when he was just barely seated inside you, instantly you tilted forward, the tips of your breasts rubbing against his chest. He pressed the pad of his thumb against your clit, and you trembled as you sank onto his member, working your way down until your hips were flush.

You threw your head back as you thrust into him fervidly, losing yourself in the sensation of him inside you, filling you. When you took his full length and then gently circled your hips, his thumb still working against your clit, you both moaned aloud.

"Mmm. You feel so good," he growled. "Harder, baby," he urged breathlessly.

You adjusted your weight and he tilted back a little, changing the angle just slightly. When you began to bounce up and down on his member, he let out a louder moan, flicking your clit even harder, his other hand coming up to pluck at your breast. You cried out in pleasure when he squeezed your nipple between his forefinger and thumb, then did the same to the other.

"Yeah, babygirl, you're so fucking sexy," he panted hotly upon your moist skin, "so perfect riding my cock like this, oh fuck," he uttered gruffly around a grunt.

"Oh yes, Tetsurou," you sobbed as your inner flesh started to spasm around his member. You rode him harder, faster, seeking the friction your body craved without missing a beat, slamming your hips up and down upon his, frantically bumping into them without a care as your cries bounced off the walls of the room. "Yes, yes yes, baby, it feels so fucking good—"

"Come," he demanded hoarsely as he forcefully pressed down on your clit then slipped the pad of his finger into it with an untamed motion. Your arousal was making you shudder with desperation, and your sobs rose until you were almost screaming as he rocked up under you. Beads of hot sweat formed on his temple, making his hair stick to his warm skin as his body twitched with the sensation of engulfing you completely.

"Fuck, your pussy feels so good, baby," he praised, and your face flushed a deeper red, tipping your head back as your whole body trembled. You lifted your hips up and down as fast as you possibly could because you knew you were about to burst any second. You gripped his shoulders painfully tight for leverage when you finally reached your climax.

"Oh fuck," you mewled, rocking your hips side to side, almost corkscrewing down onto his member, and the wild movements of his finger stilled, groaning as he let himself come. You sank down onto him as he pulsed inside of you, and stayed lock to him, skin to skin, wrapped around each other.

Your head was against his neck as you panted hard upon his skin, eyes fluttering open as he tilted forward, letting both of your bodies fall back upon the soft cushion of his bed once you two shared a moment of simply attempting to get your breathing under control. He reached for the blanket, pulling it up around you two, over your bare shoulders, and then you realized you were shaking as your sweat dried on your skin.

"Mmmm," you murmured against his skin, placing a soft kiss upon his neck in a weak attempt to thank him.

Your migraine was now just a dull throbbing pain, and you felt so relaxed and satisfied that you went limp against his body. He lifted your chin up to make you face him, removing a few strands of hair from your face. He planted a couple of kisses along your shoulder and then your cheek. "So how's my girl feeling now? All better?" he asked with a chuckle, running his other hand down your back, feeling the soft flesh beneath.

"Better, much better," you purred as you stretched your body closer to his touch.

He chuckled, "Glad I could help."

___________________________________

#haikyuu #haikyuu!! #haikyuu fandom #hq fandom #haikyuu fanfic rec #haikyuu fanfiction #haikyuu smut #haikyuu x you #haikyuu x reader #hq fanfic #hq oneshots #haikyuu oneshot #hq x reader #hq x you #hq kuroo #hq kuroo tetsurou #haikyuu kuroo #haikyuu tetsuro #hq tetsuro #hq smut #kuroo tetsuro fluff #kuroo x you #kuroo tetsurou #kuroo x reader #kuroo tetsuro #kuroo hcs #kuroo scenarios #kuroo smut #haikyuu scenarios #haikyuu fluff

[calpalirwin]

Numbers

Summary: Sebastian doesn’t want to be another number to you, but little does he know he’s the only one.

A/N: Everyone say thank you to @jessalyn-jpeg​ for always being willing to cry over this man with me. 

Important distinction: Italics represent his thoughts, while bold italics represent hers

Word Count: 3.2k

And away, and away we go!

__

The sun was high and warm, and the sounds of wood cracking against leather grew louder as Y/N walked towards the baseball fields. “Yo, Number 1, lookin’ good!” she whistled, her fingers wrapping themselves in the chain link fence surrounding the field.

There was a loud laugh from the man playing shortstop, and he turned to either flip her off or stick out his tongue, but a baseball came flying in his direction, high and powerful. But not high enough. Almost lazily, Sebastian lifted his heels off the dirt, raising his left hand in the air, the ball coming to a stop in his glove.

“Right field, get ready!” Anthony, the pitcher shouted. “Stan’s lucky charm showed up!”

“I don’t need luck, Mackie,” Sebastian taunted, pulling at the sleeves of his jersey. “I’m Number 1 for a reason. Best shortstop in the state, right here, baby!”

“Mackie! Stan!” the coach barked in warning.

“Sorry!” both men laughed. And with his brief pause, Sebastian took off his hat, waving it at Y/N in greeting as she took a seat in the stands, before putting it back over his sweaty locks of brown hair.

As the practice continued, more girls made their way out to watch the team, and Y/N couldn’t blame them. Something about a guy’s ass in baseball pants, especially when that ass belonged to Sebastian Stan. And the college baseball team didn’t have any complaints about the attention they gathered, plays becoming more dramatic than they needed to be as a chance to show off, until the coaches finally called it quits.

“So,” Anthony asked Sebastian as they headed for the dugout. “Is today the day you ask out Y/N finally? Or should I try to shoot my shot? Like what's going on here, man? Cuz whatever it is between you, it’s gone on way too long, and I only got so much patience.”

Sebastian wasn’t sure how his face could grow warmer after being in the sun practicing for two hours, but it did. “I- We’re friends, ya know? And it’s not that I don’t wanna ask her out. It’s that I don’t know how. Or how she’ll react. It’s… a whole thing, ya get me?”

“Dude…” Anthony shook his head. “I say this because I care. But if you’re gonna make a move, make it fast. No one wants to be the one to cross you when we all know you got a thing for her. But if you’re not gonna shoot your shot…”

“Thanks…” Sebastian said, not sure if he appreciated the obvious advice or not. He knew he needed to ask Y/N sooner rather than later. But the idea that his teammates were lying in wait for him to either make a move, or step aside stirred up feelings of jealousy. But the only way of making sure they didn’t date her… He slung his bag over his shoulder, before squaring them and strutting out of the dugout, headed straight for Y/N. “Now or never, Stan,” he whispered to himself.

“Seb!” a girl called out and he turned to the sound, putting a smile on his face.

“Hey.” He offered a small wave, his eyes spotting Y/N, and kept walking, but then more girls were calling his name, batting their eyelashes, and touching his arm as they asked questions, and somehow Y/N got lost in the shuffle.

Y/N watched from her spot, the smile on her face dropping as she watched Sebastian get swarmed by girls who only wanted his attention so they could later brag to their friends that they’d gotten to talk to the star of the baseball team. And Sebastian wasn’t the type to be rude, even when he should.

Sighing, she shouldered her bag, heading down the bleachers, figuring she’d she go rescue him from his oh-so terrible prison of adoring girls.

“Hey, Y/N,” a shy voice called out as her feet hit concrete.

She lifted her gaze to find one of the newer players smiling at her. “Oh, hey, Tom,” she smiled back at him. “Good practice out there.”

“Heh, thanks,” he mumbled, his cleat digging into the ground. “So… you waiting for Seb?”

“I was yeah,” she admitted, looking over at Sebastian who was still under siege. And then a swell of anger bubbled inside her. If he couldn’t be bothered to pull himself away from them for her, then she didn’t have to wait for him. “But I’ll just catch him later. So, what’s up?”

Tom blinked in surprise. “Uh… I… Not much really. Was gonna head back to my dorm. Ya know, normal stuff I guess.”

“Well c’mon, I’m headed that way myself, I’ll walk with ya.”

Tom brightened as someone whistled from behind. “Damn! Kid’s got moves!” Anthony’s voice called out loudly. He jogged a few steps to join the couple, “Yo, Y/N, what about Seb?”

Y/N looked over her shoulder at Sebastian who still wasn’t even looking her way. “What about him?”

~~~

She mumbled airplane sounds under her breath, twisting her wrist to make the paper airplane fly around, before she really sent it flying across the living room. She watched as it glided through the air before nose-diving into the carpet as the front door opened.

“Apology food?” Sebastian asked with a hopeful smile, holding up a bag of takeout as he kicked the door shut.

“And what’s the apology for?” she asked, rising to her feet and crossing her arms.

“For being a dick after practice.”

“Chinese?”

“Your favorite,” he said, handing her the bag.

“Fine. Your transgressions against the crown are forgiven. This time.”

He tilted his head back as he laughed. “Thank you, your Highness. Although a little birdie told me that you ended up alright. Holland, huh?”

“Mackie is worse than girls with gossip, I swear…” Y/N said with an eye roll. “But yeah, Holland and I talked.”

“You know he’s a freshman, right?”

“Aw, is somebody jealous?” She flashed him a sardonic smile as they both plopped down on the couch and dug into the food.

Sebastian let out a scoff. “Me? Jealous of Holland? Pfft, yeah right.” Yes, insanely jealous, actually.

“Oh, so if I said he walked me all the way to the apartment, that wouldn’t make you mad?”

“You’re not my girlfriend, Y/N,” he said around a swallow of food. Despite how much I wish you were.  “If you wanna make baby Holland feel like a man for escorting you home, I really don’t give a shit. But you can do better than a freshman.” Like me.

Like you? “And you’d smell better with a shower,” was her retort as she knocked her shoulder into his.

“Mmm, you gonna join me?”

“Pfft! In your dreams, maybe.” And in mine.

Only in my dreams cuz once again, I fucked up.

~~~

Y/N figured one date would be enough to stir Sebastian into action. But one, the man had already made himself scarce by the time she left for her date. And two, the date sucked.

You’re not Sebastian was all she could think about throughout the dinner of cheesy one-liners, and bad jokes that bordered on offensive.

“So…” he asked suggestively as they walked out. “Wanna head back to my place?”

“No, I’m kinda tired,” she declined politely.

“Oh… well then I’ll call you sometime and we can do this again, maybe?”

“Yeah… no,” she said, shaking her head. “This was… nice. But no. You and I? Not gonna happen.”

“Right… I forgot you’re friends with Stan.”

“What does that have to do with anything?”

“Oh, c’mon. Dude obviously likes you. And he’s not the one anyone wants to have on their bad side.”

“Then why did you ask me out? If all of you are so scared of Seb?”

“Cuz you’re hot, and I’m not on the baseball team,” he shrugged.

“Yeah… I’m gonna go home now. And you… ugh… yeah, no. Not gonna happen.”

~~~

Sebastian turned his head as the door opened. “Back before curfew, huh? Whatta gentleman.”

“Fuck you,” she told him with a roll of her eyes before stalking off towards her bedroom.

“Whoa, whoa, wait,” he said, bolting up off the couch. “C’mon, what happened?”

He wasn’t you. “He’s a pig. Said all the wrong things.”

“That sucks. But hey, can’t all be winners, right?”

“I guess… Although he did say one thing that was somewhat interesting.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah. Apparently you scare people off from asking me out.”

He snorted. “That’s fuckin’ stupid. Will I be pissed if some jackoff makes you feel like shit? Yeah, and I’ll probably say something. But shit… I’m not your boyfriend, or your dad, or some shit. Sounds like a lame cop-out because they just don’t wanna admit they’re pussies.”

And what’s your lame cop-out? “Ugh… I need a drink.”

“Grab me one, yeah?” he asked, sinking back down into the couch as she changed directions to head into the kitchen instead.

“So, how was your night?” she asked, grabbing two beers from the fridge.

“Uneventful,” he shrugged. “There was a girl I was hoping to go out with, but it didn’t work.”

“Aw damn. That sucks,” she said, as she joined him on the couch and handed him one of the beers. 

“Eh, it was my fault for not asking sooner,” he shrugged again, clinking his beer against hers. “To shitty nights.”

“Here, here,” Y/N cheered half-heartedly as they both took a long drink. “Fuck it. Paper airplane contest?”

He snorted into his beer. “We’re not seven anymore.”

“Aw, afraid you’ll lose?”

He sat up straighter. “Loser buys next case of beer?”

“You better get your wallet out, now.”

~~~

Sebastian knew he should have taken his chance after that first date gone bad. And Y/N knew she should have pushed him harder in her confrontation. But for whatever reason, the friends stayed at their stubborn stalemate.

Without Sebastian willing to make a move, Y/N began to wonder if maybe everyone had it all wrong. Maybe Sebastian was simply protective of her without having an ulterior motive behind it. So, she continued to go on dates with other guys on campus to ease the ache, until she couldn’t pretend they weren’t Sebastian anymore.

For his part, Sebastian not only took careful notes of the reasons Y/N gave for each of her short-lived romances, he also stupidly pointed her in the direction of new interests. And then he tried not to drown in his jealousy, before learning to grow doubtful of wanting a romantic relationship with her at all. Why would he want to sacrifice a lifelong friendship just to become another nameless guy she tossed to the side once she had her fun with him?

~~~

“Sebastian!” she gasped at him when he came home one night as she nursed away the end of yet another short-lived romance that wasn’t him.

“You’re drunk,” was the observation as he dropped his duffle bag to the floor.

“Ooooohhhh yeah,” she giggled at him with a wide grin, eyes hazy. “You gonna join me?”

“So we can both be sick? Yeah… Not a chance.”

“Boo…” she pouted. “You never wanna do anything with me.”

“One night. One night I don’t wanna drink with you, and that equates to me not wanting to do anything with you ever? Make it make sense, Y/N.”

“Well, you don’t wanna date me, that’s for sure,” was the drunk scoff.

He balked. “When did I ever say that?”

“Well it’s true, isn’t it? Everyone keeps saying that you like me, but you don’t do anything about it. Are they all lying? Or are you?”

He shook his head. “I’m not doing this. I’m not having this conversation with you.”

“Why not?!”

“Because you’re drunk off your ass!”

“Just answer the question!”

“I don’t know!”

“What type of bullshit answer is that?! How do you not know if you wanna date someone?!”

“It’s the answer you give when you used to think you wanted to, but now you’re not sure anymore! Now… I gave you my answer. And I already told you once I’m not having this conversation. Not when you’re drunk. I’m going to bed. G’night Y/N.”

“COWARD!” she hurled the insult at his retreating back.

In his room, Sebastian didn’t sleep. He lay in bed watching his ceiling fan spin in slow hypnotic circles, cursing himself for letting it get this bad. If he had just asked her out after that one practice… If he could just rewind the clock…

In the living room, Y/N sobbed into her hands. The distractions never worked, even the promising ones. And Sebastian… If it turned out he didn’t want her…

Thoughts spiraled and time ticked by, Y/N growing more sober, and Sebastian more angry with himself.

“Seb?” she asked in a small whisper, knocking lightly on his door as she pushed it open, finding him still awake in bed, the little lamp on his nightstand illuminating the room.

“What do you want, Y/N?” he asked, more harshly than he meant to, as he pushed himself to sit up against his headboard.

“I- Nevermind… It’s stupid…”

“No, wait,” he called out to her as she turned to leave. “I didn’t mean it like that. I- What’s up? What did you wanna ask?”

She took a slow breath to steady herself as she turned back around to face him. “Do you like me? God, that sounds so juvenile…”

“Of course I like you, Y/N. You’re my best friend.”

“But you don’t like me enough to date me. Just enough to be protective about me dating anyone else.”

He sighed. Now, or never. “It’s not that I don’t wanna date you, Y/N. It’s that I’m scared to.”

“That doesn’t make any sense.”

“To you, maybe. But to me, it’s perfectly valid.”

“How? How is that a valid reason? Sebastian Stan, scared of dating a girl? A girl who he’s known his whole life? Make it make sense.”

“You think I wanna be one of the guys you date? Maybe if you actually dated people, I wouldn’t have ever thought twice about dating you myself. But you don’t date, Y/N. You… God, I dunno what it is you do, but it’s not dating.”

“Fuck you,” she spat, feeling tears well up. “Fuck you! You don’t get to slut-shame me!”

“Slut-shame you?! How is it slut-shaming that I don’t wanna be another number to you?! That I don’t wanna be another source of entertainment for you until you get bored of me?!”

“Because you’re not a number, Sebastian!”

“Bullshit I’m not! You literally call me Number 1! You don’t love Y/N! You… you entertain yourself until someone better comes along!”

“That’s not true…” she whispered, heartbroken that he thought it was.

“It was for all the other guys! I don’t wanna be like them, Y/N! I don’t wanna be some random number to you! I wanna be the one! I don’t know how much clearer I can make that.”

“You know I only dated them to make you jealous, right?”

“Well congrats… you win. I’m insanely jealous of every guy that you parade through that goddamn door.” His mouth twisted and his vision started to swim.

“I didn’t wanna win, Seb. I wanted you.”

He hissed through his teeth. “Past tense… that, uh… Yeah, that hurts. Thanks for that… For this…” he twirled his finger about the room. “Awesome conversation. Glad we could have this talk.”

“You wanna know why it never worked with those guys?!” she yelled at him, her hands flying up in the air. “They weren’t you! God, I tried so hard to make it work with those guys! Any of them! But none of them made me feel the way you do. None of them get me the way you do. And… God! I wish they did! I wish at least one of them did, because then I could finally stop wasting my time on you when it’s obvious you don’t feel the same way about me!”

“I don’t feel the same?!” He grabbed a small notebook, hurling it at her. “If I never felt the same, explain that!” He pulled down the collar of his shirt, pointing at a small tattoo of a paper airplane on his chest “If I never felt the same, explain this!”

“Y-you got a tattoo? When?”

The sudden drop of her voice level took him a moment to realize what she’d asked. “When you started dating the guy with tattoos…” he told her.

“And this?” she asked, bending down to pick up the small notebook he’d thrown at her, thumbing through it. “Blue eyes, tattoos. Text back on time. Don’t say stupid shit,” she read aloud. “A-are these notes on how to date me?”

He shrugged. “I like to think they’re observations.”

“W-why would you need notes on how to date me?”

“To make sure you don’t get bored of me. To make sure you don’t forget me.”

“Seb-”

He shook his head fiercely, feeling his throat close up. “Don’t. Just don’t, okay? I know this is all my fault. I know if I had just stopped being a little bitch, and said something sooner like I wanted to, none of this would be happening right now. But I- Fuck… It’s always been me and you, and I dunno what I’d do if that stopped happening. You’re my best friend. And I’ve been in love with you for as long as I can remember. And… I can’t risk losing you. I won’t lose you. Even if that means spending the rest of my life jealous of the guys you date.”

“And you never bothered to think that I had the same fears? That I’m just as in love with your stupid ass?”

“Why would you be? I’m just the idiot best friend.”

“Haven’t you been listening? I- God, did you really get a tattoo?” she asked. “What even is it?”

“It’s a paper airplane,” he mumbled, face turning red.

“Can I see it again?” she asked somewhat shyly.

He shrugged, taking off his shirt and tossing it to the side. “Happy now?”

“Oh, Seb,” she giggled, crossing the room to him. “You didn’t have to take your shirt off. You could have just tugged down your collar again.”

“Are you complaining?” he teased lightly, pulling her into his lap.

“God, no,” she said with another giggle. “Oh, Seb,” she sighed, her fingers tracing the ink on his skin. “God, we’re so fuckin’ stupid, aren’t we?”

“Oh, I’m definitely stupid,” he admitted. “Said and done so much stupid shit I shouldn’t have said or done.” His nose nudged against hers, his lips brushing against her cheek when he said, “God, I’m so sorry. I shoulda manned up sooner. And I shouldn’t have said those things about the guys you dated. I just- I fucked up. I let my insecurities get in the way, and I fucked up.”

“I fucked up too, Seb,” she whispered, carding her hands through his hair. “I was trying to fill a you-sized hole when I had you in front of me the whole time.”

“So you still want me? Even after I was the idiot coward that kept fucking up?” The blue eyes were big and watery with small traces of fear as they held her gaze steady, foreheads knocked together.

“Of course I still want you. You’re the only one I’ve ever wanted, Seb.”

__

Tag List

@cxddlyash​ @stanofalotofthings​ @philthepegacorn​ @youngblood199456​ @binxiboo​ @creator-appreciator​ @felixtok​ @iknowyouthinkimbulletproof​ @jessalyn-jpeg​ @lilyoflower​ @mychemicalimagines​ @rougese7en​ @milea​ @partiesandblurrypolaroids​ @summerdaughter​

#numbers #sebastian stan #sebastian stan fic #sebastian stan x reader #college AU #calpal irwin

[keanureevesisbae]

sugar sugar - september.

Summary: 22 year old Becky has her third date with a third potential sugar daddy. While she isn’t sure at first, CEO of tech company Midnight Henry Cavill sure knows how to charm her.

Sugar Daddy!Henry Cavill x Becky Kim (asian OFC)

Warnings: While the first chapters are not NSFW, this story will eventually become smutty, so please read the warnings on the masterlist and every chapter beforehand. For now: some talk about sex, but nothing major.

Wordcount: 5k

A/N: Welcome welcome to my newest fic. For Sugar Sugar I chose a different type of format. Instead of chapter numbers, every month is a chapter (does that make any sense at all?) I hope you enjoy xx

Masterlist // Sugar Sugar Masterlist // Next chapter 

23rd September 2 p.m.

‘No, I’m serious you guys. I can’t do this anymore. I quit.’ I lean back in my seat, bringing the straw in my vanilla milkshake to my lips. Before I take a sip, I add: ‘It’s so humiliating, totally not worth it.’

One of my best friends Genevieve wipes away the tears from her flushed cheeks and Viola is nearly choking on her laughs. I hate that my terrible dates makes them cry with laughter, while I’m crumbling inside with shame. ‘Come on,’ Genevieve says, ‘it’s not that bad.’

‘Gen, you weren’t there, it was awful.’ I shiver thinking about the two dates I had. ‘They were so disappointing in real life, almost like I spoke to their much more charming friend when we were chatting. I feel so betrayed, borderline violated. First, I had to wait for thirty to forty five minutes for them. They didn’t even let me know they were gonna be late. I swear, you had to see the look on everyone’s face in the restaurant. Full of pity when they saw me waiting. The second, however, the old man arrived, those pitiful expressions changed for those judging ones I thought only real ass conservatives were able to pull off. Then, their butts barely touched the seat, when they asked me how much I think I was worth during bedroom activities. Like I was some sort of prostitute. I even told them more than once I’m not into that stuff, nor will I engage in that.’

Viola chuckles. ‘Yeah, that’s pretty bad. I have to agree.’

‘I know I need money,’ I continue, ‘but I’m not sure if this is all worth it.’

Viola throws her braids over her shoulder, before leaning over to me, placing her hand on mine. ‘Honey, this is honestly the easiest way for you to make money. You made it pretty clear that you want someone to help you financially and no sex.’

‘You just had a bit of bad luck with your first two dates,’ Genevieve adds. ‘Besides, you have to remember that you don’t have to do this forever. You just need a little start up. As shitty and mean girlish this may sound, you really need the money and you are not qualified for a job that pays well, unless you have some sort of degree.’

‘Yes, Gen, could you say that again? I’d like to feel even more shitty about myself.’

She rolls her light blue eyes. ‘What I’m trying to say is that you maybe just need to be a bit more patient. Go on this date tonight and if it’s just as horrendous as the others, we’ll try and find you a better match. Besides, three time’s a charm, right?’

I do have to admit: she has a point. ‘Who knows tonight I have better luck,’ I say. ‘Also, this guy is the youngest and the best looking.’

‘How old was he again?’ Viola asks.

‘Forty six. He is also the most wealthy of them. I think he has a fortune of at least ten million. His profile staled he is some sort of CEO of a company, I don’t know. He seems okay.’

‘You said that about the others as well,’ Genevieve chuckles, hiding behind her milkshake cup as she laughs with Viola about it.

‘Shut up, please.’

Viola pats my hand. ‘Ignore her,’ she says. ‘Do you know where you’re going to eat tonight?’

I shake my head. ‘No, he lets me know where he made reservations tonight.’

‘Remember, share your location and don’t go with him.’

‘Yes mother,’ I say, nearly rolling my eyes at my friend. ‘You told me that the last two times as well and I know that the only reason you tipped me a hundred dollars is for me to get an Uber.’ I sound awfully ungrateful when I say it like that, so I smile at her and add: ‘Thanks though, I really appreciate it.’

I hate being this much dependable on my friends, but maybe they’re right. Maybe I need a little kickstart. While they are aware of me being in severe debt and that I’m behind on my rent, they still think I’m just nearing rock bottom.

When in reality, I have long passed rock bottom.

‘Becky,’ I hear from behind me and I look over my shoulder, to see my stupid boss Stan behind the register. He looks annoyed, but what else is new? ‘Break’s over.’

‘Yo, be there in a bit,’ I yell back. ‘Thanks girls, for the pep talk. I know you’re busy with your own life.’

Genevieve smiles. ‘Oh honey, for chicken nuggets, I’ll always make time.’

I give them both a hug, before I walk back to stand behind the frying pans. It’s of course not my ultimate dream to work in a fast food restaurant like Retro House, but I don’t have a choice.

As a teen, I’ve been in juvie twice, because I stole some clothes and other things and being disowned by your own furious family not long afterwards, makes starting adult life quite hard. Somehow I managed to get myself this job at Retro House and a sleazy apartment with a landlord breathing down my neck to pay rent.

Sure, it’s okay and I’m very lucky to have this, but I feel like I’m not fulfilling my full potential. I want to go to college and get myself some sort of degree. I want a laptop, so I can finally start writing out those books that have been living its own life in my mind for years. Now I scribble down some things I need to remember, but writing on a phone with a battery who just gives up from time to time, is not ideal.

To make matters even worse, I’m three months behind my rent and I’m really pushing my luck with my landlord and he is running out of patience.

But how does one get money? I can’t open another loan because of my debts, I am too awkward to become an exotic dancer. I even thought about opening an Only Fans account, but quickly realized that that is not something I would be able to pull off gracefully.

Genevieve was the one who suggested to sign up for Sugar Sugar. ‘You can always try it,’ she told me, ‘and you can tell them you don’t want sex, just that you need financial help. If it’s terrible, you just quit and we have something to laugh about.’

Right now, they are the only ones that are enjoying this so far, but maybe they’re right.

It’s just that I’m getting inside my head right now. I don’t know about this. It’s like I’ve reached a new level of desperation if I’m willing to do this. I hate these types of things. First dates, job interviews, negotiating.

And now it’s a mix of all of it.

Secretly I was relieved it didn’t work out with the other two dates, meaning I don’t actually have to become a sugar baby.

However, it needs to work out tonight, whether I like it or not. It’s indeed an easy way to make money and maybe Henry is a good guy who can help me out.

‘Becky, less dreaming, more frying,’ Stan says.

I roll my eyes, but since my back is turned to him, thankfully he doesn’t see it. I could kiss my job goodbye if he did. ‘Yes sir.’

✤ ✤ ✤

It’s six in the evening when I finally leave Retro House and arrive at my apartment building. The second I set foot in the hallway, I hear a threatening voice call: ‘Miss Kim.’

Oh no, he is in that kind of mood. ‘I almost have the money, mister Del Rossi,’ I yell, quickly making my way up the stairs.

‘I am getting really frustrated now,’ he yells after me.

I know, I know, I think to myself. I don’t necessarily want to admit it, but mister Del Rossi is totally stressing me out. I am three months behind on my rent and from the looks of it, I’ll be four months behind with the way this month is going. He has been sort of gracious about it, but… He is running out of patience and rightly so. If I were in his shoes, I’d be annoyed by me too.

I hook my phone to my charger and quickly check my screen. I just received a message from Henry. My heart shouldn’t skip a beat, but it does. While the other men were just plain old, this man is still older than me, but he hasn’t stepped foot in a retirement home yet. Also, he looks handsome in the picture he posted on his profile. He, of course, could also be totally cat fishing me, but for the sake of a nice daydream, I’ll just pretend it’s really him.

Henry: I made reservations for 7:30 p.m. at La Vue.

Good grief, that means I only have an hour to get myself ready. I rush to the bathroom, because I need to take a shower first in order to get rid of the hamburger, nugget and fries smell I have been carrying with me the entire day. The shower is cold, unfortunately, but that also means I am not showering any longer than necessary.

I blow dry my hair when I’m done and have a towel wrapped around my body. When I’ve done my hair, I put on some moisturizer and some light make-up Genevieve gave me a few weeks ago. Viola even gave me one of her dresses to wear for tonight, one that I know fits me like a glove.

They always offer to buy me stuff, to provide me with a place to stay on their couch, but I cannot accept that. They have boyfriends and a bit more of a stable life than I do and I don’t want to interrupt. Besides, living with other people kinda frightens me, because it brings me back to the days I lived at home.

The days I wasn’t spending my time in juvie and before I got disowned.

Viola’s dress hugs me in all the right places, the dark blue really bringing out the best of my skin and body. I grab a thin blazer and step in my black heels, a pair I have owned for a long time and has been with me to all my pointless job interviews. With an old purse in hand, I lock my apartment door, before tiptoeing down the stairs. I peek around the corner and see that mister Del Rossi is busy watching some old movies.

My phone indicates that my Uber is already waiting for me and when I hear my landlord laughing, thus being distracted enough, I shoot out of the apartment.

Once I’m sitting in the back of the Uber, I grow more and more nervous. I mean, Henry and I of course spoke for a while through chats and his preferences perfectly matched mine (only financial help, some gatherings and spending time with him every now and then and no sex), but that doesn’t make this less nerve wracking.

All the blogs told me not to talk numbers on the first date, but does that even mean not talking about our preferences? The other guys spoke numbers right away and Henry already told me he wants someone to meet, to spoil and to have as a travel companion.

And I would love to be a travel companion and get paid for it.

If this date does not work out, I am quitting the sugar baby lifestyle (or maybe just put it on hold for awhile) and maybe take up my friends’ offer to sleep on their couch for awhile or  even Viola’s storage unit.

I sure hope this date goes well.

The driver stops in front of the restaurant. I quickly give him some money and a tiny tip (goodbye fifty percent of the tip Viola and Genevieve gave me today) and I get out. I take a deep breath, while encouraging thoughts run through my mind. You can do this, Becky. This date will be a success, I guarantee.

When I look at La Vue, I see someone who quite resembles the picture on his Sugar Sugar profile.

Conclusion: Henry is drop dead gorgeous. I could cut myself open on his sharp jawline, his face as beautiful as they describe the Greek mythologies and since he stands underneath the bright lights, I spot some gray streaks in his brown hairs.

It should be illegal to look that gorgeous in a suit. Maybe I won the jackpot here.

His eyes land on me and I so hope I am not disappointing him. His lips form into a smirk and when I get closer, he holds out his hand. ‘Miss Becky,’ he says, pressing a kiss on my knuckles.

You would think I could properly answer to that, but it stays eerily quiet from my side. ‘Hi,’ is the only think I can mutter out.

I look at my phone. I was five minutes early, but from the looks of it, he already was here, waiting for me. This man is already a keeper.

‘I’m glad you could make it. Shall we go inside?’ he asks. He holds out his arm for me to take and I hook my arm through his, my hand resting on his thick underarm. As he is escorting me into the restaurant, my heart is doing multiple somersaults, because this man feels extremely strong.

Once we’re seated, I genuinely feel like I look like a dear whose caught in the headlights. I don’t know what to say. Oh my, I should’ve looked up some small talk conversation topics, but no, I did not do that.

I curse myself.

‘You’re very beautiful,’ Henry admits.

‘Oh.’ Please finish that sentence, Becky. Please act like you have basic human interaction skills. ‘Thank you,’ I say, after I cleared my throat. ‘You’re quite handsome yourself. And I don’t say that because you gave me a compliment. I actually already thought that the second I got out of the Uber. I also thought your profile picture was… Promising. Almost making me think that you were cat fishing me, which you didn’t, of course, because—’ I run my fingers through my long black locks.

What on earth am I doing?

‘I’m sorry,’ I say, ‘I’m just really nervous.’

‘I noticed,’ he chuckles.

Oh great, I am making a fantastic first impression, I’m sure. The waiter hands us our menu’s and I open it, but the letters seem to dance in front of my eyes.

‘Don’t worry, I’m nervous too,’ he admits, breaking the silence between us.

My eyes widen. ‘What?’ I ask. ‘You’re textbook example of composure. How are you nervous?’

‘What I told you before, Becky. This is also my first time doing this.’

‘Oh,’ I say, quickly remembering our conversations. ‘Well, you don’t look nervous. When I’m nervous, I literally start talking and talking and talking and there is no stopping to it or I completely shut down and just stare at the other person and… I think I’m doing the talking thing, right now. I’m so sorry, I just… In comparison to the other two dates I had, you actually look like your profile picture, you act like you were genuinely chatting with me and you’re so handsome, that it makes you look slightly intimidating. I shouldn’t mention my other dates, should I? You know what, I’ll just shut up.’

I’m actually severely out of breath by the time I’m done and I really think I should leave.

‘I’m so sorry.’

Henry shakes his head. ‘Don’t be.’ He smiles. ‘I do the shutting down thing.’

That makes me laugh and feel a bit better about myself. ‘I see.’ I bite my lip, thinking about what I could talk about. What are great small talk conversations?

‘How about we order something?’ he suggests.

I nod. ‘Yeah, that sounds like a good idea,’ I say and thankfully that gives me a few more minutes to think through what I should say to him. However, when I check the menu, I lost my ability to read. ‘What are you going to order?’ I ask him.

‘Think the Pasta with Lamb Ragú,’ he says. ‘How about you?’

I don’t like lamb, so I feel like I shouldn’t just copy what he orders, though that would be the easiest. ‘I think I’ll go for the Custard French Toast.’

He smiles. ‘You’re sure?’

‘Postive.’

‘Want something to drink with that too?’

I nod again. ‘Wine or something.’

He holds up his hand, the ring around his pinky looks expensive, even in this dim lighting and a waiter hurries to our table. Henry orders for the both of us and also a bottle of Pinot Grigio. I push a strand of hair behind my ear, clearing my throat once again. ‘You had to go to work today?’ he asks me.

‘Yeah, I work seven days a week. Retro House.’

‘In Brooklyn?’

‘Yeah, in Brooklyn. If I still smell like hamburgers, I’m terribly sorry.’

He smiles. ‘No, you smell lovely. Don’t you worry.’ He makes himself a bit more comfortable in his chair. ‘I’ve never been there,’ he admits. ‘I heard that the chicken nuggets are very good.’

I throw my hair over my shoulder. ‘That’s because I’m behind that frying pan. Chicken nuggets, fries and milkshakes, those are my specialties.’

Really, Becky? You’re bragging about your abilities in a fast food restaurant?

Henry chuckles. ‘You wrote on your account you wanted to go to college. You know what you want to do?’

I shrug. ‘No, not really. Maybe something with psychology or something. Or more into the arts field. I’m not that intellectually gifted, so… Arts might have to do.’

‘What is your dream job, then?’

I smile. ‘To become a published author,’ I say.

‘What has stopped you now?’

‘I don’t have a laptop,’ I quietly admit. ‘And my place is filled with paper with scribbled down parts and… I mean I could write on my phone, but I have a piece of junk, so I’m afraid I might lose a lot of my hard work if I write on that.’

‘What do you write?’

‘I have these ideas for thrillers and mysteries. I have the biggest weakness for stuff like that.’

He nods. ‘Sounds exciting. So the first thing I need to get you, is a laptop.’

‘Well…’ Talking money is not something you should do on the first date right? Not even the gifts… But he brought it up, meaning that we can discuss it…? ‘Yeah.’

‘Noted,’ he says, leaning back in his chair. Henry’s buff, attractive and the way his tongue runs over his bottom lip, nearly makes me regret that I put in my profile that I don’t want to have a sexual relationship. Shame he wrote down the same, because I’d make an exception for him in a heartbeat.

Thankfully, the waiter places down our orders and pours in the wine for us, giving me an opportunity to regain some thoughts. I cut a piece from my french toast and take a bite. ‘It tastes great,’ I say.

‘Good,’ Henry says, twisting some pasta around his fork. While I said I’m not too big of a fan of lamb, that does look delicious. He chuckles from the other side of the table. ‘Here, try it,’ he says, bring the fork over the table towards my lips. Oh dear, that is so intimate, but also something I totally don’t mind.

I open my mouth and take the bite off the fork. My nose scrunches up. ‘It looks a whole lot better than it tastes,’ I mumble.

Henry tries to bite away a smile, but fails miserably. He takes a bite and says: ‘Maybe you just don’t have taste.’

Is he making fun of me now? I act as if I’m offended, but to be honest, I’m kinda liking the way this interaction goes. ‘Well, maybe you can help me out, fix that slight defect.’

He nods. ‘I’ll take you up on that.’

✤ ✤ ✤

It turns out that Henry is the CEO of tech company Midnight and I would lie if I said I have never drooled while staring at the Midnight building in Manhattan when I was there. The fact he is the founder and CEO of a company like that, only confirms his fortune.

He is very kind and sweet and after a while, it seems like we’ve known each other for a while. It’s like we always talk to each other like that. He is so easy to be around with, though I sometimes feel slightly awkward, but when he smiles at me, he makes me feel very at ease.

After our dinner and dessert, he suggests he walks me to a cab and I actually got a little drowsy, as I’m experiencing a severe case of food coma. I don’t think I have eaten anything this good in awhile.

I have hooked my arm through his, as the two of us walk outside. He hails a cab and he looks so effortlessly handsome as he does so. A driver gets out and opens the back door for me.

‘Brooklyn, right?’ Henry asks me, as he pulls out his wallet.

I nod.

He hands the driver some money (and I looked, it’s two hundred dollars) and says: ‘This’ll take her to Brooklyn, right?’

‘Oh sir,’ the man chuckles, his eyes widening with shock, ‘this’ll take her all the way to Florida.’

As the driver already gets in, to start the car, Henry helps me in the cab. He places one hand on the door, the other on the hood of the car.

‘Thank you,’ I say to him. ‘I really enjoyed tonight.’

‘My pleasure,’ he says with a smile. ‘I can call you, right?’

‘You can,’ I say.

He nods. ‘Text me when you’re home.’

‘Yes, will do.’

He closes the door and I wave at him as the cab drives off. I bite my bottom lip, my heart fluttering like crazy. This was a lovely date, I think to myself.

I’m home half an hour later and the cab driver is thanking me again and again for the amount of money he received from Henry. I quickly go up to my room and see I have a lot of missed texts of my friends, but I ignore them and click on Henry’s name.

Becky: I’m home

Becky: Thanks again for tonight

Becky: I really hope I didn’t disappoint or anything

Henry: You did not disappoint at all, Becky. I had a lot of fun as well

Henry: I hope you sleep well tonight

Becky: Good night, Henry

I receive a notification from my bank account, to tell me someone transferred something to me. I almost never receive a notification of them. I log in on the app and see that Henry transferred five hundred dollars to my bank account, with the description: To many more dates, Becky.

24th September 7 a.m.

Viola: I still cannot believe this date actually went well!

Viola: Not because you’re stupid or boring or anything, but because it almost sounded to good to be true!

Viola: It’s a shame I can’t meet with you today, but I’m free the 28th so we’ll go for a picnic!!

Genevieve: I don’t have shit to do then, so I’ll be there as well.

Genevieve: I have an honest question and you need to answer it.

Genevieve: ARE YOU GOING TO CALL THIS MAN DADDY?

Viola: OMG GEN!!

Becky: SHUT UP!

Genevieve: Is that a yes?

Becky: No, it’s an absolute no.

28th September 4 p.m.

After a gruesome day spend in the kitchen behind the frying pans, I walk out of Retro House. I barely heard anything from Henry anymore since our date, only a text to tell me he was busy with work, but we’ll arrange something very quickly. I’m still living on cloud nine though. The five hundred I made with this first date, is only a mere preview of what I can expect in the future.

At least, that’s what I think, if I believe what the blogs wrote about this type of experience.

My eyes land on a luxurious Range Rover that does not belong in this part of Brooklyn. Is that Henry, standing there in a checkered suit? Oh no, I look so drab compared to him. Ripped jeans, work shirt and the horrendous cap on my head. I quickly take that thing off. ‘Henry,’ I say, as I run my fingers through my hairs, hoping to tame it a bit, ‘what are you doing here?’

‘I’m buying you a laptop,’ he says, as he opens the door on the passenger side of his vehicle. I understand now, that’s why he wanted to know what time I was off today, to take me shopping. ‘A real author can’t author without a laptop.’

‘You really don’t have to do that,’ I say, as I walk up to the shiny car. But then I realize, it’s what our arrangement entails. ‘Forget I said that. I’m still trying to get used it,’ I say. ‘Tell me, where are we going?’ I ask him.

‘Downtown,’ he says, helping me in the car.

‘Oh,’ I say, before he closes the door, ‘I’ve always wanted to go shopping downtown.’

He smiles. ‘Good to know.’

When he drives off, I feel like I’m stinking up this place with my Retro House smell. However, he doesn’t say anything about it. Maybe he is polite about it, maybe I am overreacting and I don’t smell like Retro House. His hand rests on the clutch and I take a deep breath. ‘Thank you for the money.’

‘You don’t have to thank me,’ he says.

‘Well, I know, but it’s always nice to be grateful for certain things. So expect a shit ton of thank you’s.’

He smiles. ‘I can’t wait, Becky.’

✤ ✤ ✤

All the laptops are insanely expensive and I really feel bad for choosing one. They are worth more than all the rent I still have to pay .

Henry stays close by, his hand sometimes placed on my back to lead the way. The way he stands behind me, looking over my shoulder as I’m checking out the laptops, tells me he is a very protective man.

‘You see anything you want?’ Henry asks.

‘That one,’ I say, point to the cheapest laptop on display. It’s pretty ugly, but it’ll do the job I guess.

He scoffs. ‘Be honest with me,’ he says. ‘Which one do you want?’

I see one that totally caught my eye the second I arrived at this part of the store. ‘The pink one,’ I basically say in tiny font. It’s beautiful, with the white keyboard and pink letters on it.

He chuckles, before making eye contact with an employee, gesturing he wants the pink one. I watch the employee hurry to the back, only to meet us again with a box containing the pink laptop.

The power this man holds.

‘Now we need to get you a phone,’ he says. ‘Choose wisely.’ We maneuver through the crowds of people towards the phone department.

I see some of his company Midnight and I almost ask him if he wants me to pick one of his brand. However my eye lands on this perfect one in a lovely shade of pink. It would almost perfectly match my laptop. And it has the Midnight logo on the back, meaning he is literally paying for his own paycheck probably, but would he mind?

I look up at him, only to see a smirk on his face. ‘I think we have a winner,’ he says, grabbing the right box. ‘Sure about this?’

‘Absolutely positive.’

We go to the register and the cashier’s eyes nearly roll out of their sockets when her gaze lands on Henry. I can’t blame her, I have to contain myself not to gawk at him the entire time too. After he paid for everything (three thousand dollars, just saying), we walk towards the car.

Once we’re both seated, I turn to the side. ‘Thank you for the stuff. I really appreciate it.’

‘Of course, Becky,’ he says. ‘It’s kinda the deal with all this, right?’

‘I know, I know, but it’s just that I never owned a laptop before. I signed up for Sugar Sugar on a library computer.’

He snorts. ‘Really?’

‘I know, it’s embarrassing. It’s just that I never owned something that was this new. I always had the hand me downs when it came to phones.’ I’ll just ignore that one time I actually stole a phone, but got caught and ended in juvie…

He nods. ‘Remember, Becky, that is something of the past.’ He starts the car and adds: ‘If you want something, just let me know and I’ll get it for you.’

✤ ✤ ✤

‘Henry transferred even more money to my account,’ I say to Viola and Genevieve that night, as we sit in the park at around six in the evening, after I told them in detail about my first date with him. ‘I mean, first the laptop and the phone, now even more money?’

‘How much is it this time?’ Viola asks.

‘Another five hundred. I didn’t even do anything. I just walked with him through the store, as he spend three thousand dollars on the laptop and phone.’

‘Oh, it’s such a shame I’m dating,’ Genevieve says, ‘and Greg doesn’t like to share. I wish I had this.’ She leans back and sips her orange juice. ‘Also, you’re totally gonna fall for him. I’m betting my entire life insurance on it.’

‘Shut up,’ I say. ‘I’m not gonna fall for him, this is merely a business contract. I spend time with him, he gives me money and giving me the opportunity to provide for myself. That’s it.’

‘Mhm,’ Viola says, raising her eyebrows. ‘You don’t believe that, do you? I mean, I’ve been looking all over the internet for more information on CEO Henry Cavill the second you told me he works at Midnight. That man is hot as hell and from what you’re telling us, he is also really nice and kind. I’m with Gen on this one, you are gonna fall in love with him.’

#henry cavill #henry cavill x ofc #henry cavill x oc #henry cavill x asian ofc #henry cavill x becky kim #Becky Kim #asian ofc #henry cavill fanfic #henry cavill fandom #Sugar Sugar #sugar daddy!henry cavill #henry cavill au

[trumpkinhotboy]

All in good time

Pairing: Jacob Black x f!reader

Type: Not requested

Genre: Kinda fluffy i'd say

Warnings: None!

Rating: g

Requests: Open (for Narnia and Twilight, maybe?😳)

A/n: Alright, alright, I know I said this blog was going to be centralized on Narnia stuff, but lately I've really gotten back in my Twilight phase🥴 Plus, I had a really shitty week and needed a pick me up. Jacob is one of my biggest comfort characters so I felt it was only suiting. I hope you'll enjoy it😬 I suggest reading this while listening to any kind of Twilight ambiance playlist.☺Also, I know my title sucks HAHA. Couldn't think of anything better so yea, I'm sorry, but this is what you get

Update: changed my title huhu!

* gif is not mine!!

There were days that just deeply and inherently... sucked. Days where everything seemed out of rhythm, where no matter how hard you tried, it all seemed wrong; it all fell apart.

Today was one of those days. When your dad jokingly said: "Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed." you did not think it the tiniest of bit funny. When you opened one of the kitchen cabinets to get your favorite brand of cereals and found an empty box, you almost threw a full-on seven-year-old crying on the floor tantrum. Especially when you saw the half-emptied bowl sitting in the sink. Too bad, no breakfast for you this morning. Ridiculous, immature, and not changing anything? Yes, of course, but you still did it out of pure spite. As if that would punish anyone else than you.

Like any other day in Forks, it was raining, nothing awful here, if it was not for the fact that the window on the driver’s side hadn’t been properly closed. Your seat was by now totally drenched. With your pants completely soaked you rode to school, your knuckles turning white from angrily gripping the wheel. Once you arrived, it seemed that everyone was annoyingly happy and enthusiastic while you just couldn’t get out of your personal, unchangeable, black cloud. Not to help, your friends only kept making fun of your moody behavior. Could you not be taken seriously on one of your worst days?

In your least favorite class, you were horrified to see written in big letters on the board:

“20% exam!! Leave your personal effects in front of the class.”

You would have run away if it wasn’t for the flow of students coming in to push you further in the classroom. Convinced the exam was for the next week, you did not even open the pages of your manual concerning the subject. It is with panic and exasperation that you sat at your desk waiting for your doom. Did you need to add that along with all that bull crap of a day, the only person who could have made your day a little less annoying was, once again missing. No calls, no texts, no news, nothing. Probably on another mission with the rest of his mutant gang. You got to the Rez after school, hoping you would see him, but were only welcomed by Leah and Seth. It almost felt like they were waiting for you as they were sitting outside of Billy’s house. Why they were the only ones left here was a mystery for you. The pack usually always stayed together.

- “Where are the others?”

- “On some kind of mission around the lands.”

- “Is everything alright?” They nodded nonchalantly. “Then why are you two here?”

The answer Seth gave you while chewing loudly on yet, another snack, made you grith your teeth so hard he thought they were going to fall out of your mouth.

- “To protect you.”

- “I thought it was nothing, so why would I need protection?”.

- “You should talk about it with Black. He’s the one who ordered us to stay to watch over you or something.”

- “I am PERFECTLY capable of WATCHING OVER MYSELF.” you answered a little louder than expected, anger rumbling in your chest. That earned you some awkward looks from your two friends, but at this point, it didn’t even matter, you were seeing red.

Leah, never intimated by you, shrugged her shoulders. Seth looking a little bit more nervous still laughed at your display of anger. Jacob was the one assigning babysitters over you? Of course, you and he would have a little discussion, that mutt would not see it coming.

When you got back home, you called your father to warn him; there was no way you would be cooking dinner. With your luck, it wouldn’t be a surprise if you burnt the whole house down. Fortunately, he was in good mood (unfair) and answered there was no problem; he would get pizza. He got home with the box in hand and a “Hey sweet...heart”. One quick look at your rough appearance and frustrated expression and his mouth closed shut. He dropped politely, almost carefully, a plate with a slice of pizza before quickly leaving for the couch. You mostly played with the food, incapable of swallowing it down, looking at the forest many times, waiting, expecting to see a tall figure appear on its verge but nothing. Time passed, still no sign of life. There was no way that by now Leah or Seth didn’t give him your message. You had time to wash the dishes, do some homework, and get in your sweats. At 7:30 pm you gave up; he wasn’t coming. Your father was still watching TV, completely oblivious to your growing anger. You picked up his plate to put it in the sink but tripped and dropped it, the delicate plate exploded into a thousand pieces.

- “Y/n? Everything okay?”

- “Y..ea.. an accident. I’ll pick it up.”

There was a slight tremolo in your voice. That was it. Your day had been terrible with no sign of sun, and this broken plate would be your breaking point as ridiculous as it sounded. You leaned on the counter, head hanging low, feeling tears of frustration swelling up in your eyes. Taking a deep breath, you looked up; in a second you were out the back door.

- “Where you going?” you heard your father ask.

- “Getting the trash out.”

The figure backed in the woods as you rushed into them without hesitation. You smacked against something big and warm, warmer than it was normal to be, yet you had become quite accustomed to it.

- “You little piece of shit.” your index finger digging in his chest. “You weren’t even here today, and it was terrible, and you can’t do this. I do not need any PROTECTION. Oh my god, do you really think I am weak and helpless without you or Leah or Seth or ANY werewolf to protect me?!”

He didn’t interrupt your monologue, only looking at you spitting your anger out.

- “You are SO annoying. Honestly who- who do you think you- are?! I’m- I am not, I can DEFINITELY, I don’t ne-eed any-one.” Your speech was becoming less and less coherent, your emotions taking control of your mind.

Without waiting any longer for you to finish your incoherent thought, he pulled you in for one of his signature bear hugs.

- “You can’t do this to me I’m an-ang-angry...”.

- “Shhh, it’s okay.”

- “You-you weren’t there.” you gave up fighting him, wrapping your arms around his waist.

- “I’m sorry, Leah told me.”

- “Wh- why didn’t you come sooner?” you continued, sobbing.

- “Some wolf things, Paul got in trouble.“ you backed off, immediately lifting your head at the mention of one of your friends in trouble.

- “Is he okay?”

- “Of course, he is, but Sam was very upset this time.” he stroked the side of your face with a small smile. “Enough with the boys, tell me what's wrong.”

- “Everything. I left my car window opened my seat was drenched. At school, everyone was disgustingly happy and in a good mood. I did not know I had an exam, I didn’t even study the subject. And this morning, my dad half ate the rest of my favorites cereals, and then I didn’t eat anything else as a silent protest, I know that’s stupid, but”

- “You didn’t eat anything else?”

- “Yeah, but I…” you lifted your gaze to meet his disapproving one. “I mean, I must have eaten a snack at lunch today…”

- “Must have?” he looked angrier.

- “Y/n??? Where are you??”

The calling of your father interrupted your conversation; he looked in its direction.

- “You should go back inside before your dad comes out.”

- “What? No, please. Can’t you kidnap me for tonight?” he chuckled lightly.

- “Trust me, go back in, okay?”

You looked at him unsure, even though you knew he was worthy of your trust. You finally nodded before running back inside.

- “What took you so long?”

- “Oh, uh, I thought I saw something and got a little carried away.”

- “Mokay, I don’t like you being so close to the woods. We’ve still had a few complaints about some trekkers finding traces of big animals in the woods. I’d prefer you be careful, alright?” You held up a smile, thinking about your friend just outside.

- “Sure.”

You stayed in the middle of the living room, expecting, waiting to see Jacob’s next move. You expected something quick, but when ten minutes later, there were still no signs of him, you felt frustration rising again. Not sure what to do now, you sat next to your father, half paying attention to what was happening on the screen. If he just left you, he was going to pay for it. You needed him, and just like that, he was gone? Probably, got called away by Sam again. Maybe it wasn’t in his control? But if it was…

Knock. Knock.

You looked up, surprised. The door opened with a creaking sound.

- “Oh, Jacob. Hi, what are you doing here?”

- “Hi Charlie, I heard Y/n had a pretty bad day. Came to kidnap her, if that's okay?”

- “Bad day? That’s an understatement. I swear, at one point, I thought she was going to scream at me. I ate her last bowl of cereal this morning; the thing was disgusting, I only ate half of it. I don’t think that helped.” You heard your friend’s low chuckle. Your dad seemed to feel pretty guilty about his crime, which did make you feel a tad bit better. “But yeah sure. Y/n! You have a visitor.”

You walked to them, Jacob awkwardly fitting in your small house; he seemed so disproportionate with his imposing size. For once, he was wearing actual clothes, a shirt and a pair of jeans, a sign he wasn’t planning on having to transform tonight. A sign that he was planning on being entirely dedicated to you.

- “Ready to go? I’m kidnaping you.” He said that last part with a smirk, a hint to your previous request.

- “Sure.” You grabbed your coat, said goodbye to your dad, and left without waiting any longer.

First, he took you away to get some food in you. It wasn’t until your teeth were digging inside a delicious burger that you realized just how hungry you were. Jacob being the glutton that he is, ordered two cheeseburgers along with a pack of large fries. You went for a milkshake, the perfect dessert for a night like this, and took your victuals to the La Push beach. It was empty and peaceful; the sun was slowly going down, the wind just a whisper in the night. It wasn’t even that cold, but the excuse to snuggle into Jake’s wolfish warmth was too good to pass.

- “Feeling better?” he asked while wrapping his arm around your shoulders.

- “Yes. Thanks, Jake.”

- “Kidnapping mission was a success?”

- “Yes, it was.” You answered with a smile.

- “Alright.” He muttered under his breath, looking in the distance.

You stayed for a while in comfortable silence, simply enjoying the other’s presence.

- “So, what were you saying about me not being there today, like that made your day worst?”

His question took you by surprise. A look at his cocky expression was all it took you to punch him in the ribs as hard as you could.

- “You wish idiot.”

He laughed at your attack, he probably didn't even feel a thing but leveled his face with yours in all seriousness.

- “You can avoid this conversation for now since you had a shit day and all, but keep in mind, it’s not over.”

- “And you keep in mind that our discussion about you ordering werewolves to stay behind to protect me, is not over. You won’t get away easily with that one Black.”

He laughed again, visibly amused with your threat. You laughed too but were slightly less amused. These two conversations were important ones, although one you apprehended way more. You looked at Jacob's happy expression and felt a fuzzy feeling warming your body. No, right now was not the time for such serious topics.

All in good time, right?

...

Tagging my two gals because they know how nervous I was😭...@imjustdreamingig @gonzalezyon I did it gals🥺 I hope you'll like it, thank you so much for your support💕💕

#ilya writes ❤ #jacob black #jacob black x f!reader #jacob black x reader #jacob black fic #twilight #taylor lautner #twilight saga #wolves #werewolves

[spxllcxstxr]

Bridge Over Troubled Water • R.L

(Gif not mine)

Requests: can you do a blurb with Remus where the reader is nervous and anxious, maybe has a tough week and he gives her a massage and helps her relax? — anon and Hi! can you write an imagine where the reader is dating Remus and is disappointed in her school grades / results and is overall doubting herself and is disappointed with herself? — @emmaev

Summary: Things are getting really tough. Remus is here for you.

Warnings: mention of food, not eating/skipping a meal, hunger, depression, anxiety, a bit of a panic attack, homework, school, self deprecating thoughts, kinda take how we’re feeling in this pandemic and that’s kinda what this fic is, Snape being an ass for like two sentences, crying

Word Count: 1.7k

A.N: I hope it’s alright that I combined your two requests. But, I decided to make it longer with a lot more comfort. I really hope it’s ok with you guys ❤️ Kinda a vent fic? So that’s why it’s lowkey all over the place and the ending is sorta..abrupt? I hope you like it, though. I wanna say that I’m always here for you guys. This whole thing has been kicking my ass and school has been extremely tough for me, so know that you’re not alone. Know that you’ve got this. I believe wholeheartedly in you. Love you all. ❤️

Title: Simon and Garfunkel - Bridge Over Troubled Water

****

You trudge up the stone steps to the boys dorms, your bag dragging heavily behind you. With your robes slipping from your shoulders and your tie dangling loosely around your neck, you almost consider letting your bag go. Watching the heavy sack of books tumble recklessly down the spiral staircase seems like a great idea to you. However, you make it to the sixth year dorms before you’re able to loosen your grip.

The oak door was closed but not locked. What use was a lock when the door was charmed to singe off the eyebrows of any unwelcome visitor? Thankfully, the boys granted you complete access to their room in third year, so the door couldn’t harm you.

Turning the brass doorknob and stepping through the threshold, you’re greeted by somewhat organized chaos.

Sirius and Peter’s side of the room was a complete disaster while James and Remus’ side was at least nicer to look at. Sure a few books were scattered on the floor and James’ red and yellow underwear was hanging from his bedpost visible to anyone who walked in, but that’s nothing compared to whatever the other two have going on. You don’t even want to look at it, knowing full well that just one tiny glance would make your already terrible day worse.

The room is empty and completely quiet, the boys, just like every other person in the castle, were down in the Great Hall for dinner. At the thought of dinner just downstairs, your stomach grumbles before quickly churning in agony.

Quickly, you dump your bag next to the door and go through Remus’ drawers, searching for that one specific jumper.

It’s the deep blue cable knit one that always smells like him. The jumper is soft and warm and the perfect piece of clothing to cuddle into when you needed a good cry. And Godric, you needed a good, long, ugly cry.

After finding it and throwing it on, you barely lift up your feet walking to your boyfriend’s bed to get swallowed up by his blankets.

The weight of the day hits you full force the moment your head collides with his pillow, and your lips wobbles, the day replaying in your mind.

Your morning started with a Transfiguration exam that definitely was not on what you studied all night for.

Then, your potion bubbled out of your cauldron and started disintegrating the stone flooring, making Slughorn shoot you very disappointed look that made you want to disappear into the Forbidden Forest forever.

Defense Against the Dark Arts turned into a complete disaster as well when Professor Bluebell handed back your essays on inferi, and yours ended up with a spikey red D scrawled angrily on the top. D, which stands for Dreadful, as Snape snidely reminded you from over your shoulder. He flashed you smug little smirk along with the delicate O that adorned his own essay.

And to top it all off, you had to meet up with Flitwick right after classes to go over the vinegar to wine charm that for some reason wouldn’t work for you no matter how hard you tried. And you still weren’t successful.

This was becoming a common occurrence.

You always knew that your N.E.W.T. year was going to be tough, but Merlin, you never expected it to be this awful.

Classes were longer and harder and your professors were relentless and unforgiving with the amount of homework and exams they started handing out.

Sure you had more free periods, but those were filled with research and essays and studying, you had no free time at all—it was all a lie.

You couldn’t escape it. Sleep was just more time to be plagued by anxiety to the point you barely even slept at all. Most of the time you stared blankly up at the ceiling thinking about all the assignments you could be doing instead.

It’s this torturous and vicious cycle that you just can’t get out of.

And your motivation was quickly disappearing.

It was getting tougher and tougher each time to even do your homework. Lifting up your quill and taking out a stack of parchment was just difficult. It took too much energy out of you.

Smothering your face in Remus’ pillow, you groan out your frustration, balling your fists around the frayed sleeves of the jumper.

You’re so wrapped up in your despair and panic that you don’t hear the door creak open and four sets of footfalls and laughter bounce around the room.

“Damn, what’s up with you?” Sirius chuckles. You hear him flop onto his own bed.

You bury your nose in the fabric of the jumper, inhaling the sweet and comforting scent of chocolate and old parchment that always accompanies Remus Lupin.

“Don’t be a git, Pads.” Remus scoffs, making his way towards you.

He crouches down by your head, placing a delicate thumb on your cheekbone.

“Darling, what’s wrong?” His tone turns soft, drenched with concern.

You squeeze your eyes shut tight, tears trickling down the bridge of your nose and dripping down to the white sheets.

“Alright, darling, hold on.” Remus whispers, placing a dainty kiss on your forehead.

He straightens up, knees creaking the way no sixteen year old’s should.

“Alright, lads, clear out.” Remus declares to his friends.

“You can’t kick me out of my room, Moony. No way.” You hear James whine.

“Yes, I can, Prongs, c’mon. Go play chess with Peter or something.”

“But he always beats me.”

“C’mon, Prongsie, we can scam the first years by making them place bets on you winning.” Sirius suggests. His boots click against the floorboards, trailing towards the door.

Peter’s light footsteps follow after them.

“Fine.” James huffs dramatically. “But I’m not sleeping on the couch again, so no funny business.”

The door slams shut and once again you’re met with silence, though you do hear Remus changing out of his uniform and into more comfortable attire.

The bed dips underneath Remus’ weight and his hand gently starts to stroke through your hair.

“Tell me what’s wrong, my love.” Remus mumbles just loud enough for you to hear.

You try to swallow down the lump in the back of your throat.

“Just a very shitty day, Rem.” You manage to croak out, the words choppy and wavering.

Tears begin to flow freely, warm salty streaks making their way down your face in rapid succession.

“Oh darling.” Remus coos, practically pulling you into his arms and between his legs. You bury your face into his neck, tears dampening his scarred flesh. “It’s alright, let it out.” He continues to run your hair between his fingers. “Let it all out...”

“I-I’m just so stupid!” You sob, choking on spit. “Everything’s just getting too much and I can’t fucking take it anymore!”

He squeezes you closer to his chest, opting to stay silent so you can vent everything off of your chest. His cheek is pressed to the top of your head and you’re vaguely aware that you’re being rocked gently back and forth.

“It’s so hard!” You continue to wail, lungs constricting rapidly. It’s a struggle to keep breathing and your words barely come out fully, instead broken fragments are the only things spewing out.

“I’m a failure!” You spit out, face wet with tears.

“You’re not a failure, my love. I promise.” Remus tried to soothe, his voice adopting a small but noticeable waver. His hand rubs your back.

“I am! I’m a disappointment!” You sniff, taking in deep gulps of air.

“Shh...” Remus pulls you back a bit so he can see your entire face.

You already know you look disgusting. Eyes blotchy and red, tears streaming down your face. Snotty, spitty, wobbling, and watery features taking up his entire vision.

“What’s goin’ on in that pretty head of yours, hm? Let me help.” He consoles you softly.

You gaze into his warm honey brown eyes, glistening with his own tears.

You sniff, rubbing the sleeves of Remus’ stolen jumper across your face in an attempt to dry yourself off.

“Everything’s slipping, Rem. My grades, my mental health, everything. And I’m so lost I don’t know what to do anymore.” You confess. “What am I supposed to do?” You bring your hands up to you hair, tugging at your scalp enough for you to feel sparks of pain.

Quickly, his own trembling hands take yours. He stops you from tugging, instead bringing them to rest on his jumper clad chest.

You swallow harshly.

“I’m going to help you, (Y/n)—“

“You can’t help me, Remus! I’m beyond help—“

“No, you’re not.” He retorts lightly. “I’ll help you with homework and help you ask for a few extensions...we can get you back on track.”

“Remus...” Your voice trembles at his kindness.

“I’m sorry.” He rasps out, a tear or two slipping from his waterline. “I’m so so sorry that I didn’t see you suffering like this. Merlin, (Y/n).”

Shaking his head at himself, he brings his forehead down to your own.

“I’ll be better. I’ll be better, I swear.” Remus keeps repeating in a pained mutter.

“It’s not your fault, Rem. I got good at acting like everything was fine.” Your voice cracks.

“Still! I should’ve realized!” He mutters angrily.

“I love you, Remus. I love you so much, please don’t beat yourself up over this.” You plead.

He bites his lip, deciding to drop it, instead focusing on you.

“Why don’t we try to relax, hm? Just take a nice night off?” Remus suggests, pulling away to brush strands of hair away from your sticky face.

“But what about homework—?”

“Tomorrow, love. I think we deserve a break, don’t you?”

You shlyly nod, and he presses his lips to your forehead.

“You’re beautiful, darling.” Remus whispers.

“I just bawled my eyes out, Rem, I’m sure I look like a swamp hag.” You snort.

He brings his hands to your shoulders, rubbing deep circles into your back muscles. The knots start to dissipate.

“Never seen a swamp hag as angelic as you.” Remus flirts. But his voice is so sincere and honest, you have no choice but to somewhat believe him.

“Thank you, Remus.” You smile. “It means so much to me.”

“Anything for the love of my life.” He confesses, trailing his pink lips down your neck. “Now let me hold you close.”

He lays down, resting his head on his pillow, your head resting on his chest.

Things are going to get better.

Probably not tomorrow.

Probably not this week.

But things will.

•

All Character Taglist: @aspiringsloth20

#Remus Lupin #remus lupin x reader #remus lupin imagine #remus lupin fanfiction #remus lupin angst #remus lupin fluff #the marauders x reader #the marauders

[oikawaplssteponme]

sweet creature

pairing: Hajime Iwaizumi x fem! reader

warnings: swearing, a little bit suggestive

genre: fluff, childhood friends to lovers, soulmates (?)

word count: ~2k

synopsis: Tying the tie between you and him took longer than it should have.

a/n: hi hi! here is some well over due fluff for you all!! this isn’t directly based off of the song ‘sweet creature’ but i felt it fit the vibes and since the song makes a little appearance ;) [ also shoutout to the anon who wanted some iwaizumi fluff <3 ] reblogs are greatly appreciated! enjoy xx

Looking back at it all, you never expected things to turn out the way they did. You never expected to find yourself in love with him. It was cliche, cheesy even. Everyone around you saw it before you did, saying you two were soulmates. In reality you were just clueless kids, unable to see that the universe had put you together perfectly. You needed him, no matter what form of him. He was your best friend after all, and a platonic soulmate was still good enough in your eyes.

But no, you were destined for something more.

Iwaizumi Hajime and you were two peas in a pod. From elementary school to now, you and him were inseparable. Scraping your knees together, attending everyone of his volleyball matches, you were always by each other’s side. It was no wonder why people assumed you were dating. Iwaizumi’s face would flush pink every time, insisting that the two of you were just really close friends. You would whisper in agreement, every time.

Was it wrong of you to want to be more?

It was the last week of high school, graduation just days away. You were over at Iwaizumi’s house as usual. You laid on his bed as he rummaged through his closet.

“Did you figure out what you are wearing for graduation?” he asked. You looked up from your phone.

“I think just a dress? I have two to pick from that I bought,” you explained.

“Okay, what colors are they?”

“One is blue and the other is white. Why?”

“I thought I could match my tie to your dress,” he said. Your eyes widened.

“Oh, o-okay.”

Iwaizumi grabbed a few button downs from his closet and laid them down on his bed, followed by the ties he owned.

“Help me pick.” You moved to the edge of the bed, scanning the clothes.

“I like the blue tie with the light grey shirt. You’d look like a waiter if you wore the black shirt and white tie,” you chuckled. Hajime huffed.

“Alright alright.”

Iwa grabbed his t-shirt and pulled it over his head. Your eyes darted to the floor.

“Uh what are you doing?”

“I’m gonna try it on dummy. I have to make sure it actually looks good,” he laughed. You looked back up at him. His perfectly chiseled figure standing before you as he tried to button up the shirt. You prayed that he couldn’t see that you were terribly flustered.

“These damn ties…” Iwaizumi groaned as he attempted to tie it. You chuckled.

“Come here.”

You hopped off the bed and stood close to Iwa, helping fix his tie.

“What are you gonna do when you go to college and I’m not gonna be there to tie your ties?” you smiled.

“I’ll call you and force you to come over and tie it for me.”

“I’ve been tying your ties since we were kids. I thought you would’ve learned by now.”

“Why would I bother learning when you can do it for me?” he teased. You chuckled.

“There, perfect.” You flatted the tie down, smiling.

“Thanks Y/N.”

You tilted your head back up, locking eyes with Hajime. You could stare into his eyes for hours, no issue. He chuckled.

“What are you staring at, huh?” Your face grew hot and you turned back around.

“Nothing…”

As the night drew on, you found yourself back at your place. Even though Iwa was just a house away, you wished you were still with him. You peaked out your window, hoping to see Iwa looking out of his. His curtains were open but the lights were off. You assumed that he was with Oikawa.

You looked at the calendar pinned to your wall. Two days of high school left. It was a strange feeling. The mix of anticipation and nervousness all into one. You were excited for summer. Day in and day out you could be spending time with Iwaizumi, just like every summer before. Of course, you’d much rather spend summer with him a little differently, but you knew that was unlikely.

You heard the familiar buzz of your cell phone, as the ringtone began to play. Your face lit up, as you recognized the noise. Only one person in your phone had this ringtone.

“Hello?”

“Window-”

The call ended quickly. You smiled, rushing to your window and opening it up.

“HI Y/N!” shouted Oikawa. You chuckled.

“How was studying?” you asked. Iwa sighed.

“This idiot barely finished his chemistry. He was busy blabbing about his graduation party.”

“I expect you to be there Y/N!”

“I wouldn’t miss it for the world. It’s this Saturday right?”

“Yeah, I didn’t want to have mine on the same day as yours and Iwa-chan’s,” explained Oikawa.

“Good choice,” teased Hajime. You and Iwa decided to do a small party for graduation together. Just family and close friends.

“Hey show me your dress,” insisted Iwaizumi. You grinned, heading to your closet and picking it out. Due to Iwaizumi’s blue tie, you decided to go with the blue dress.

“Woah there Y/N, you’re gonna take Iwa-chan’s breath away-”

“SHUT IT SHIT HEAD-,” Iwa smacked Oikawa upside the head, “don’t you have to go home?”

Oikawa checked his watch, before scrambling to get his things.

“Shit my mom’s gonna kill me- BYE!”

You chuckled, looking back at Iwaizumi. He cleared his throat.

“You’re gonna look beautiful Y/N.”

You tried to hold back your smile, but the heat rising in your face made it nearly impossible.

“Thank you.”

“I mean, you always are beautiful, but that dress might just set a new record for you,” he smirked. You pressed your lips together.

“Iwa…”

“Well we should both get some sleep,” he said. You nodded.

“Yeah, you’re probably right.”

“Goodnight Y/N.”

“Goodnight Hajime.”

You closed your window, then your curtains. You placed your dress back on a hanger, before plopping onto your bed. You felt all giddy inside, like a little kid. The butterflies in your stomach could fill an entire room. Did he mean those words in a ‘best friend’ sort of way? He had to, right? In all honesty you didn’t care about the context. After all, he still said it. Your smile was the same regardless.

~

“Smile you two!”

Iwaizumi’s mother had been taking pictures for the last thirty minutes, and you were honestly getting a little exhausted from posing.

“Mom that's enough-”

“One more! Hajime, stand behind Y/N.”

Iwa sighed. He did as he was told, moving behind you. He placed his large hands onto your waist, hugging you from behind. You tried not to react, still smiling at the camera.

“Okay okay now look at each other.”

You looked at Iwa, staring into those deep dark eyes. His face was so close to yours, you could smell the mint he had earlier.

“I’m sorry about this,” he mumbled. You giggled.

“It's okay.”

“Alright I got all the pictures I need.”

You keep looking at him, but more relaxed. Iwa didn’t move a muscle, as if he didn’t wish to let go of you. You weren’t sure if it was your imagination or not, but you swore that Iwa looked as if he was leaning in to-

“ALRIGHTY LETS GO! Grad party time!” cheered Oikawa. You and Iwa broke away from each other. You cupped your burning face as he cleared his throat.

“Y-Yeah lets go.”

You all headed to the Iwaizumi residence. There, you opened graduation gifts, jokes with friends, and even reminisced a bit on yours and Hajime’s childhood.

“I remember when you would make me catch bugs with you all the time! I hated doing that,” you joked.

“Okay but I always let the bugs go, didn’t I?”

“Aw Iwa-chan can’t hurt a fly-”

“But I can hurt you-”

“WAIT-”

You watched as Iwa and Oikawa fought as if they were kids before going to grab something to drink.

The night escalated to Toru finding the old karaoke machine and challenging Makki to a sing-off (which he declined). You sat on the couch with Iwa as the commotion in the room elevated.

“Do you want to go upstairs?” he asked you. You let out a sigh of relief and nodded.

Hajime opened the door to his room, allowing you inside. He shut it, helping to keep things quieter.

“Wait a minute-”

You rushed over to the corner of his room.

“You can play the guitar?”

You picked up the instrument and examined it carefully. The guitar didn’t look new. In fact, it had to be a few years old.

Iwa took the guitar from your hands, holding it to his chest as his face grew in color.

“I-I can’t really play…”

“I have known you my entire life yet I never knew you had a guitar. Guess I’m a pretty shitty friend.”

“No not at all. I just- I don’t tell people that I can play…” he mumbled. You smiled, taking a step towards him.

“Could you play something for me? I won’t tell.”

Iwa looked at you, his eyes widened. He swallowed harshly.

“Of course.”

The two of you sat down on his bed. Hajime began to tune the guitar, his hands a little shaky. You placed your hand on his cheek. He looked at you intently.

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to. I kinda put you on the spot there…”

“No I want to...I have a song in mind that I’ve been meaning to play for you.”

You smiled, nodding. You took your hand away, placing it back in your lap. Iwa took a deep breath, before carefullying picking at the strings.

He played a calming melody, one that you’ve heard before. Your heart melted the minute you realized what song he played.

“Sweet creature...had another talk about where it's going wrong…”

His voice was low and quiet, yet smooth and soft. You tried to hold back a smile and a few tears.

“I know when we started, just two hearts in one home…”

He sang to you. He was playing for you. Pleading that you understood what he was trying to say. Everyone fights, everyone has disagreements, it’s normal in every relationship. It was as if the letters of the lyrics were rearranged to say: “lets just try”.

You two would be leaving for university soon, that was inevitable. However, Iwaizumi never felt happier than when he was by your side.

“When I run out of road, you bring me home.”

Hajime played the final cord, before falling silent.

“Haj-”

“I know how to tie my ties. I just say I don’t so that you’ll do it for me. So that you’ll stand a little closer to me. So that I can smell the same perfume that you’ve worn since middle school. So that I can look into your eyes, and see the world within them. I’ve known how to tie my own ties since I was eight years old, but that's also the same age that I realized that I was in love with you.”

You couldn't seem to find the words. Your mouth hung open a bit, causing Iwa to get even more nervous. He set the guitar down on the floor, before burying his hands in his face.

“God I’m such an idiot-”

You took Iwaizumi’s hands and moved them from his face.

“Look Y/N I-”

He was unable to finish his sentence, as you had crashed your lips into his. His eyes were wide before he shut them tightly, cupping your face and kissing you hungrily. You wrapped your arms around his neck, running your fingers through is dark hair. Iwa couldn’t seem to get enough, bringing you impossibly closer to him as he deepened the kiss.

“Hajime…” you whispered, catching your breath. Iwa placed another peck on your lips.

“Yeah?”

“I love you.”

You were shaking, the familiar sensation of nervousness and anticipation rushed through your veins. Iwaizumi took your hand, placing a kiss on top of it.

“I love you.”

Looking back at it all, you should’ve known it was bound to happen. Maybe it was the fear of rejection that blinded you from the truth. Maybe you had to hear that it might not always be easy in order to realize that it was still worth it. It certainly was worth the risk. Love is the strongest adhesive, keeping people together no matter distance, disagreements, or destiny. Luck for you and Hajime, your destiny was the one you had always hoped for.

[general taglist: @lealofsblog @iwaisa @bakugousmymassa @evivn1 @bokutory @vangoghmusings @moonlightaangel @misszenin @marajillana @sopesmin @alaina-rose13 @shotoful @katlingclaw ]

#willow.🌸 #hqcorenet #haikyuu!! #haikyuu #haikyuu x reader #hq #haikyuu x y/n #iwaizumi hq #iwaizumi x reader #haikyuu iwaizumi #iwaizumi hajime #hajime iwaizumi #iwaizumi oneshot #iwaizumi scenarios #iwaizumi x you #iwaizumi fluff #iwaizumi x y/n #hajime iwaizumi x you #hajime iwaizumi x reader #Haikyuu fic #haikyuu one shot

[writerfae]

A place of cake and care

a tribute to the one (and only) story of mine I actually managed to finish, featuring Talon

As Talon stepped into the little café, he was welcomed with a pleasant warmth. 

The waiter greeted him with a smile and Talon answered with a nod before taking a seat by his usual spot, a small table by the window.

Ever since he had worked part-time at a coffee shop in his first year of university -an experience that had pretty much sucked- Talon had been avoiding cafés for quite a while. 

Only some weeks ago did he stumble over this one by pure chance after his class was canceled and, upon seeing that it was pretty much empty, decided to give it a try. 

And after tasting what was probably the best strawberry cheesecake of his life (after the one that Aiden made for his birthday once), Talon came back again and again in the following weeks.

The café was right across from uni. It became the highlight of Talon’s dull university life. 

This place was different from the shitty one he used to work at.

Cozy, not as crowded as the awful coffee shops on campus and quiet, what Talon greatly appreciated. 

Here you never got bothered by loud university students drunk on an excessive amount of bad coffee. It was the perfect place to study.

So whenever he craved some peace and quiet (or cake) he always found himself in the little café, at the table by the window.

Talon was just searching his bag for the book he needed to read for class, as someone placed a cup and plate on his table. Surprised, he looked up.

“A strawberry cheesecake and one coffee with extra cream for my new regular.” The shop owner -his name was Danny if he recalled right- was smiling down at him.

Danny was a man in his mid-thirties, with flaming red hair that reminded Talon of his friend Halea and freckles all over his face.

Dimples and the laughter lines around his eyes testified to his seemingly never-fading smile. 

Talon hadn’t talked to him much yet, but enough to know that he was always friendly and in a good mood.

And apparently very good at memorizing his customer’s favorite orders, too.

Talon smiled at the older man. It was hard not to, his smile was pretty much infecting. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome, uh…”

“Talon.”

The man nodded. “Talon. Alright, noted. I’m sorry I didn’t ask you sooner, you came to visit a few times already after all. I was being a terrible host there.” 

Talon told him that it was alright. Not that knowing all the customer’s names was something he was expecting from a café owner anyway. 

Honestly, his old boss didn’t even know the names of his staff members, let alone that of any customers. 

So really, Danny was being a thousand times a better host then that guy.

Talon was pretty sure he’d also make a better boss.

“I’m glad then.” Danny’s eyes wandered to the book Talon had placed on the table. 

“You study journalism, huh?” 

Talon nodded. “I do.” 

He was surprised the shop owner seemed to recognize the book as one for Talon’s journalism class.

Danny smiled, a smile that seemed pretty much amused. 

“I see. Say, what made you choose this field of study? If you don’t mind me asking.” 

For a second Talon considered to shrug it off to avoid a longer conversation. Lately he wasn’t really feeling like talking. 

Except for maybe with a certain person that was currently half a world away...

But Danny was quite easy to talk to, so he found himself giving an honest reply after all.

“I like writing. And… you know, getting to know stuff. Researching, finding the truth, investigating. I think it’s interesting.” 

Now that he said it out loud he felt kind of stupid, his explaination rather childish. And it was, in a way, it was born from a childhood dream after all. 

One he had almost forgotten, pressured under his father’s expectation of him becoming a lawyer and carrying on the family business.

It may have also been a bit out of spite that he chose to study journalism instead of law. 

But Talon wasn’t about to dump all that info on poor Danny, who was just trying to be polite and hold a conversation.

“Oh I do understand, believe me. Sounds like a pretty good reason to me.” 

Danny chuckled, a really nice sound, and Talon felt his cheeks heat up. His slight embarrassment didn’t went unnoticed. 

“I’m sorry, I’m not laughing about you, it’s just that about sixteen years ago, I asked another journalism student here the same question and he answered pretty much the same.” 

His expression was fond. 

“It’s funny cause you remind me of him. I felt like I was having a flashback when I saw you walk in the first time. He even sat at the same table.”

Now that caught the interest of the journalism student in Talon. “Sixteen years ago?”

“Yes.” Danny laughed, taking the seat opposite of him.

“Why are you looking at me like that? Can’t believe I work at this place for that long already? But I do. When I was eighteen, I started working here part-time to pay for college.”

Memories of Talon’s own part-time job at a café flashed before his eyes and Talon had no idea how after such an experience one would still like to work at -let alone own- a café. 

Then again, if this place had always been the way it was now, working here might have been quite nice. Talon for one would’ve gladly traded his old workplace for this one. 

Could’ve saved him a few mental breakdowns, probably.

“And you still remember the customers you had back then?” No one could possibly have such a big memory, except for maybe if they were a genius. 

Danny laughed. 

“Some, yeah. Mostly regulars that still visit sometimes. But not even I can possibly remember all of them. I do get older after all. But him I remember quite vividly.”

He didn’t know why he was suddenly so interested in stranger’s stories (probably a side effect of his studies), but Talon would lie if he said he wasn’t curious. “Why is that?”

Danny grinned, holding up his hand and wiggling with his fingers. 

“Cause I ended up marrying him,” he said, showing off a golden wedding ring.

“Oh.” Talon smiled to himself. He really didn’t see that coming. “And you met here?” 

Look at him holding up a conversation. His friends would’ve been proud. Maybe he should bring them along sometime, he was sure they would like Danny. 

Maybe he should take Aiden here, too, after he came back. When he wanted something to do with Talon at all after he returned, that was.

He was almost too caught up in his own thoughts to notice Danny lighten up at the possibility to talk about his husband, but he listened patiently as he told him the story of how the two came to meet. 

It was cute, the repressed sap in Talon noted, but it also made his heart sting a bit, because it made him think of Aiden. 

Then again, a lot of things reminded Talon of him, so that feeling was nothing new.

“What about you?” Danny watched him with his head tilted in curiosity. “Got anyone special in your life?” 

It was almost like he knew what Talon thought about. A bit scary, he thought, but maybe it was just his experience. 

When you cared for customers for so long, you probably got some sort of secret sense for people’s thoughts and feelings. 

Talon was sure there were quite a lot people that spilled their whole life stories to the likable café owner, pouring their hearts out to him, drawn in by a friendly smile.

He had the feeling he was about to become one of those people.

“Well, yeah I…” he said to Danny, who was still waiting for him to answer. “I do. A boyfriend. But it’s…” he looked down on his hands. 

“It is a bit complicated, lately.”

And maybe it was because of the sympathetic look Danny gave him, or the fact that Talon felt the need to talk about it with someone who wasn’t somehow involved and Danny seemed like a damn good listener, but there in the now almost empty café he told someone he got to know about half an hour ago about the whole mess that was his current love-life.

As Talon had finished, he felt a bit embarrassed, but also surprisingly relieved. 

This was so unlike him. Talon didn’t talk about feelings, especially not with strangers. But this time he did, and it felt long overdue.

“That is complicated indeed.” The café owner was quiet for a moment, like he was searching for the right words to say.

“But you know, I don’t think you should be so hard on yourself about it. 

University was giving you a hard time -something you are not alone with by the way- and you shouldn’t have taken it out on your boyfriend like you did, but that’s nothing you can take back now. 

All you can do is learn from it, and you did, right?”

Oh yes, Talon had learned. He didn’t just almost lost Aiden back then, he had almost lost his mind too. 

The relationship break Aiden asked for was sort of his wake-up call. 

Only then Talon was able to see what the constant stress of overworking himself did to him – and to his relationship.

“Yes, but… What if it’s too late? I haven’t seen him in about a year. He will come back in less than two months, but what if...” 

What if Aiden would break up with him for good? If in Canada he realized that he was better off without him?

“You think he won’t forgive you? That he moved on?” Danny asked. Talon nodded, looking away.

“Oh, kid.” Danny shook his head. “You worry too much. Look, I don’t know your boyfriend and I only know you for about an hour, but I can tell that you love him. 

And he has to love you too, otherwise I think he wouldn’t have suggested this break. Which was a good decision, by the way.

We shouldn’t give up on love after the very first obstacle. Sometimes we just have to take a step back to see more clearly. You did, and it hurt sometimes, but it will be worth it. You’ll work things out, I’m sure.”

As Talon dared to shift his gaze back to the person in front of him, the older man gave him an encouraging smile. 

This was the first time in a long while, Talon thought, that someone older than him took their time and listened to his problems, trying to make him feel better about them. 

Something he sometimes wished his father would’ve done once in a while.

It didn’t stop him from worrying, he was an overthinker at heart after all, but it was at least nice to voice his worries out loud.

Talon smiled at the other man. “Thank you. Really, I… It was nice to get to talk about it.” 

Honestly, Danny deserved an award for getting Talon to open up like this. He came to this place rather not wanting to talk at all, but now he was glad he did.

Danny smiled. “No problem, kid. You looked like you needed it. I’m glad I was able to help.” 

He stood up, patting Talon’s shoulder in a friendly gesture. 

“But I better leave you alone now and go back to work. These cakes I need to prepare won’t bake themselves,” he said with a wink and turned to leave. 

He took only a few steps before turning around to Talon once more, though. 

“I hope I keep seeing you around? Maybe someday with your boyfriend, too. I’d love to meet him.”

Talon nodded. “Sure.”

“Great. Tell me before you show up with him and I’ll bring out the candles.” Danny grinned and Talon couldn’t help but laugh.

In the following weeks he did come back, quite regularly so. And Danny’s little café remained his favorite even years after he first stepped into it.

.

maybe some background info: Danny is an old OC of mine from „The Café where we met“, a story I wrote around 2016 (oh my that’s long ago).

It’s about the story he told Talon, of how he met his (now) husband, but told from his husband’s perspective. Back in the story Danny is 18.

Now, even after years I am still absolutely in love with him. I just love this character a lot. And one day I had the idea to do a crossover with my the knights of the alder modern au, because I noticed the similarities between Talon and Danny’s husband and that’s how it all started.

First I had the idea that maybe Danny and Talon were around the same age, but then when I wrote this I thought it would be fun to age him up, also to sorta fantasize about how his life looks like when he’s older.

Anyway, I have lots of thoughts on this but before this escalates even more in a full on essay about this crossover, let me just say I had lots of fun with this and I hope you had fun reading it

general tag list: @deadlycupid @writing-is-a-martial-art @writingamongther0ses @blueinkblot @wildswrites @abiandwriting @theroyalcoven @7devills @myhusbandsasemni @authortango @sleepy-night-child @charleeyy @formulatingfiction @shiishki @gr3y-heron

#writer speaks #writeblr #wip: the knights of the alder #modern au #also kinda #wip: the café where we met #writing #my writing #Danny my beloved #old oc meets new one #sort of a crossover of two of my stories?

[everything-laito]

hey,,, i've seen this controversial opinion about laito not being sexually assaulted by cordelia. . .as the only opinion of laito that matters, what are your thoughts on it? i know you've made some posts in the past about cordelia and laito's relationship, but i think that now would be a good time to i guess, remake a post or clarify your thoughts so people could follow along?? i hope you enjoy your day.

*proceeds to crack all my knuckles at once*

This isn't really my own "response" cuz oh boy I'm sick of this petty ass drama lmao. To begin, SKLDJF I'm very flattered that you hold my opinion in that high of regard! I'd say there's others that have interesting interpretations of him too though :) but again, thank you :') glad you enjoy what I have to say!

I know I've already kinda responded to this via a screenshot here, just to hold you––and others reading this––over. As much as this is a great time to talk about a how-to-analysis, I’ll still put that as a separate post eventually, but I still will go over the philosophy of truth and writings etc. But anyways, to answer your initial questions, they’re under the cut!

And no, I’m not specifically calling anyone out here. These are just issues with the fandom that I find as a whole, along with some extremists. Thus, I’m not going to be putting tags for people to easily find this post because I don’t want to be wound up in this drama––once again this is just more commentary on the fandom as a whole, which hopefully you can apply to people you find!

I have a lot of my own thoughts about Cordelia and Laito’s relationship here (just in case if people need it):

1. Goes over potential grooming of Laito, facts about Cordelia and what happened before she did stuff to Laito, and when did she rape Laito for the first time?

2. Stuff about incest and how any relationship out of a parental/child relationship is abuse even if it’s not penetrative sex, more incest stuff, and just more thoughts on their relationship

3. Neuroplasticity, trauma, Karlheinz, and isolation

4. What does sexual trauma look like? And some stuff on Laito’s facade

5. More stuff on his facade, and projection on Yui

6. My thoughts on Laito’s dark fate vampire ending + Conclusion

7. Answering some inbox stuff relating to Cordelia

Sure I realize I might be missing some stuff but that’s just my whole analysis on them. I’ll probably make some follow up posts eventually but I’m not sure when that will be.

But as for this analysis/ramble, I’ll divide it up into sections:

The issue of hypocrisy in the Dialovers fandom:

I- oh dear god. Ok, just saying, there’s a lot of people being like “oh I hate Cordelia because she was abusive” then ??? yo??? Why do you like the boys?? They’re abusive and we see more of them than Cordelia??? I just personally hate hypocrisy. However, it’s okay to hate Cordelia! It’s okay to love Cordelia! It’s okay to hate the boys and it’s okay to love the boys too. But recognizing that you don’t like one or the other just because “they’re abusive” is a fallacy at that point.

The reason why so many people hate Karlheinz/Cordelia/Beatrix/Christa/Richter (or at least start off hating them) is because they are written as the villains of the story! Karl’s the main villain, and the rest (including the diaboys and Yui) are kinda just tragically wound up in his plans. You sympathize more with the boys because you spend more time with them and watch them grow! It’s a whole “us vs them” situation. Since those people were awful to the boys/the boys hate them, you’re like “yeah they’re bad!” But the issue with the whole “us vs them” situation (as in real life) is that people tend to excuse the actions done by the “us” party.

Same thing goes with extreme Karl/Cordelia/Richter fans (I’ve never seen a hardcore Beatrix/Christa fan but they’re probably out there). Some hate the diaboys but love the people in that party. They’ve also done some shitty stuff too! Bro, even Yui has done some terrible stuff! But that’s because she was a product of the events she was thrown into––and same with everyone else.

Karl has been the mastermind of all this, and for me I don’t have any sympathy for him, mainly because we’re not shown anything to sympathize with (except that he just is tired of living but idk why he wants to create a whole new race like lmao science nerd ig, I feel that king). A lot of people like him for his looks, and I’m not saying that’s a bad thing––he’s a fictional character, objectify these characters however you want. This is more of a personal opinion of mine though. And maybe people do just sympathize with his outlook on life, that’s totally fine.

But since these characters are all attractive in their own regard, they all get the treatment of “pretty-boy” syndrome (Idek if that’s the exact name for it). Which is just the privilege pretty people get. But again, this is fictional, so it’s not necessarily important in this case. Bro I got into DL cuz of “ooga booga hot vampires” and stayed for the complex lore and characters (especially one complex character, wonder who that could be). I imagine most people got into DL because of that, or out of sheer curiosity.

Ok, I’m throwing out a lot of points but not really connecting them. Lemme give you an example: I don’t like Reiji. His character doesn’t vibe with me most of the time aside from the fact that he’s hilarious. But I just am very neutral/neutral-negative on his character. But I’m not like “oh cuz he’s mean/abusive” cuz LOL EVERYONES MEAN IN THIS GAME. Sure you can still say that, it’s just not a very strong claim. Hypocritical claims tend to be like that. Same with a lot of Yui haters. In this case, they’re more jealous that she’s there and not them, which I’ve explained a lot in this post about toxic femininity and Yui in the fandom etc. But it’s ok to just not like a character! It’s alright! I know someone who just doesn’t vibe with Subaru. She doesn’t know why, she just doesn’t vibe with him. There’s no need to defend it either. But the use of hypocrisy is my main issue, and I’ll get to that in the next section.

(There’s a really good post explaining this too but I cannot find it for the life of me. I think it was made by @/abottleofkarlheinz or @/the-madame21)

How opinions of fictional universes left unchecked can effect real life:

I’ve said this a little bit in that Dialover PSA post I’ve made about Yui that I linked a couple paragraphs ago. But the reasons why people say they hate Yui is concerning. If you don’t like Yui, that’s totally fine! Again you don’t need reasons to hate on a character or defend it. But if you do choose to defend those characters, make sure what you’re saying isn’t out of some other place in your heart. Let me explain.

In that “Yui PSA” post I made, I say how your attitudes in being critical of a fictional universe usually does reflect on who you are as a person, at least when you’re making certain claims. In that Yui post, I say that the hatred on Yui is a result of the “other girl” mentality. On top of that, it erases her experience as a survivor. Yes, this is a fictional character, but bringing that into real life can have some dire consequences if you don’t differentiate them. If you have the same attitude of Yui with other survivors if the “abuser is hot” then thaaaaaat’s so fucked up.

For example, there’s people who have crushes on real life serial killers! That- that’s absolutely disgusting! Those real people killed living people and effected so many lives and families. Dude I have fictional crushes on fictional serial killers, and that’s different, because it is a removed universe. It’s why I can still call myself a lesbian but still have crushes on fictional male characters, for a further example (and vice versa! I have straight friends who crush on fictional characters of their same gender! But that doesn’t make them any less straight. And no, I’m not erasing bi people here either, just clarifying in case if you needed that).

Not being able to differentiate your opinions of a fictional universe can get very toxic. Like I love Laito, but I’m not like “omg I wish he was real so he could do that stuff to me uwu” like no!!! UH!!! I wouldn’t want to date anyone like him in real life! That’s literal abuse! And if Laito was here in real life it’s not a controlled environment, he’d literally be able to do anything with you, etc. That’s what makes a fantasy, a fantasy. They’re controlled.

Also vice versa, some people get really triggered by Dialovers, specifically Laito’s route. A lot of non-consensual acts that he does have been experienced by people in real life in any extent, myself included. For me, it’s a personal escape from that, because it is an environment where I am prepared for those events and can control my exposure to it. For some, they are reminded of the reality they had to experience. Fictional universes are inspired by real life, no matter what way you look at it. Real life people are making it, after all.

I feel like I’m going in so many circles, but trust me, I’m getting to the point.

I- I can’t explain this enough but it is most definitely implied that Cordelia had raped and sexually abused Laito. If it was explicit, DL would be an 18+ game, but they cannot do that in Japan. I’m not going to like defend this point because so many people (myself included) have defended this point. It’s implications carry over into Laito’s character and why he’s like this. He’s a textbook sexual abuse survivor. I just,,,, cannot explain this enough. Same thing with overwriting the abuse of Yui. They get jealous of Yui. Sure I’d say a good chunk of people have ravishment fantasies here. At least the 18+ people in the fandom who are into that stuff. But oh my dear god, ravishment fantasies are super super dangerous to enact in real life. It’s possible to do them, but it would take years of building up to that point in kink. That’s a whole other discussion though and I’m not incredibly comfortable talking about it knowing that minors read my blog (I’ll also have to say here: no minors in kink--its alright to educate yourself but pleaaaaaaaaaase don’t enact on any of those activities until you are of age, and even so that still can be dangerous right as you turn 18).

But anyways, saying that Yui should enjoy this because she’s experienced the ravishment fantasy you’ve dreamed of? Oh fucking hell, if you leave that opinion and mentality unchecked and it goes into real life, that’s incredibly awful. Abuse apologists are absolutely terrible people, almost as much as the abusers themselves.

If you twist the narrative that Laito loves Cordelia or Yui loves the boys at the end of the first game, that’s still––ughhhhhhhh. Especially when it’s so obvious that Laito has so many mental issues with Cordelia. His whole monologue and breakdown at the end of Dark Fate definitely tells us that he has had such an issue with Cordelia. And MB+ Laito is still Laito. As for Yui, dude she literally goes through stockholm syndrome in the first game like it is so goddamn apparent idek how to explain this at this point.

Ok dear god lmao wow, uh I think that’s answering the first couple of questions?

The philosophy of truth:

“Truth” has been an incredibly debated topic in philosophy for years. Truth is more of a subjective item rather than objective. Sure you can have personal objective truths, but they may not be the same truths for others. For example, a tomato is red. However, that tomato is red to me, because I am not color blind. A red-green color blind person may see the tomato as being brown or more muted in color. That’s their truth. They can’t really imagine what red is (ok depending on severity of their color blindness), considering they have not experienced the color red in the same way people who don’t have color blindness do. God uh, here’s a whole ass essay about truth, I’m cherry picking some of the things in there that are relevant to this.

Basically what I’m saying is, truth is very subjective. However, there are philosophers arguing a more objective truth. But that’s a whole other discussion. Also, this isn’t to support any political opinion, but I can use that as an example. Let’s go for well... The death penalty. I’m in America, we have the death penalty in some states. Yes, this is a very controversial topic, and no I’m not arguing the ethics of it here. Just hear me out.

If you live in Europe for example (except in Belarus and Russia––ok when I looked it up they consider Russia in Europe and technically it is but also there’s the whole chunk that is not- lmao even the truth of geography can be subjective), you might be like “yeah what the fuck are Americans doing?” (a common sentiment that I also share lmao). But yeah, what the fuck are we doing? Why is the death penalty still in existence? Yes, there’s statistics that prove that it doesn’t deter crime, but even crime rates is caused by a lot of different things too. Even statistics aren’t always accurate, because of many different factors. They’re not objective either, although good statisticians try their best to get good results and not skew the data. (please try to see where your data is coming from and who it is sponsored by––it matters a TON)

I’d say the closest thing we have as an objective truth to argue the death penalty or not is money. Money, although the concept is subjective, is a very objective currency. It’s why artists hate “exposure” compared to “money” as sole currency. The death penalty is very expensive, and not even used that often.

So, although money is currency made by us, and is technically 75% linen and 25% cotton (in America at least) with some funky dudes n numbers printed on it, it doesn’t sound that special. However, it would be considered as a baseline of some type of “objective truth” in ~society~ because people are typically on the same page of what money’s worth. Even so, this baseline of truth is still subjective! If Bill Gates accidentally has a $20 bill fall out of his pocket, that’s nothing to him! But if someone who’s working very hard to make ends meet loses that same amount of money, it could deal a lot of financial damage to that person.

Ok, hopefully you guys kind of get my drift. There are a lot of theories of truth, I’m just explaining one (honestly I forget the name of this theory) because it is the closest to the types of truth we are dealing with. And in this case, it’s called “canon.”

What the fuck is analysis:

The concept of “canon” is the objective truth that we have when analyzing universes. They’re our bread and butter of interpretation and extrapolation. The art of analysis clings to this notion of an objective truth. It needs a baseline. I’m going off of Aristotle’s rhetorical triangle, because that type of analysis I have the most experience with.

This is called rhetorical analysis. Rhetoric is the use of words in a persuasive fashion, and the analysis part is a breakdown of how words are used in order to achieve persuasiveness. I don’t typically use a lot of explicit rhetorical analysis in my personal writings, but I guess a version of it. Which typically has to deal with intention and execution. A lot of analysis on language has to do with this. Language is incredibly subjective. Certain words carry individual meanings to people. I have gone over the difference between real and lexical definitions before, and I’ll do it again.

I’ll just copy and paste what I’ve said before here from this analysis:

To put it simply, lexical definitions are the definitions you find in the dictionary. This is an “official” and “agreed upon” definition. Real definitions (quite a misleading name in my opinion) is the definition that’s more kind of “felt” in a way and how you internally interpret the word in context (these can be through individuals or any niche group). What I mean by this is that when you say a word (for example) to convey a feeling, you usually won’t know the dictionary definition off the top of your head. You say that something’s “savage” for example when you want to describe something violent or gruesomely awesome (it depends if it’s in a slang context or not) but there’s many lexical definitions (and outdated lexical definitions) of the term. But the first definition that usually comes up is “adj (of an animal or force of nature) fierce, violent, and uncontrolled.”

But people typically don’t think of the lexical definition when they learn what a word means; they usually learn the context of it and apply it as such. And that’s what a “real” definition is. Laito has a differing definition of what affection and love is, and that’s his own meaning and what it means to him.

I’ll even add another example to that too. The word “cunt” in english refers to a vagina. That’s just it. It’s lexically synonymous with “vagina,” “pussy,” etc. However, “cunt” has a subjective meaning to it. This is where “real” definitions also come into play. Many people view the word as vulgar and dirty. And that’s cuz we live in a ~society~ lmao. Our use of language has shaped what this word means in a context outside of the dictionary. I’ll do you one more. The Japanese word マンコ (manko) is also vulgar slang that’s kind of like our word “cunt/pussy.” Sometimes I say “cunt” for jokes, but I don’t use it that often to begin with since it’s just a very strong word to most (albeit it’s not that strong of a word for me). However, マンコ is a strong word to many Japanese people, but if I hear it even though I’ve been learning Japanese, it doesn’t have that same effect as hearing “cunt” for me is (which still, idc if I really hear it depending on context) because I haven’t been shaped in a culture that uses Japanese.

Even so, tone, intention, and context is HUGE in this. If someone called me a “useless fucking cunt” when they’re angry at me, I’d be close to crying. If someone told that to me as a joke, I’d be like “lol yeah you right, bitchass” and if someone said that in a consensual sexual context, it would certainly tickle my masochistic heart.

DSLKFJ also sorry if you don’t like hearing that word, I just had to utilize a strong example for this. But anyways, now let’s change the lens to Dialovers.

No, it never explicitly says that Cordelia rapes Laito. It doesn’t. However, there’s this WACKY thing called being able to infer, reading between the lines, and identifying implications. Those are kind of all the same things. However, indirect exposition is used a lot in effective creative writing. The utilization of this type of exposition is more preferred when writing a story, because direct exposition is kind of referred to as “info-dumping” when used excessively. Forgive my jargon: this is just showing vs telling as we’re taught in every writing class. I’m personally very bad at it, which is why I stick to writing these, and stick to reading creative fiction. (NOT SAYING IF YOU’RE NOT GOOD AT THIS TO NOT CONTINUE TO PRACTICE CREATIVE FICTION, I JUST DONT HAVE THE CURRENT MOTIVATION TO GET GOOD AT IT)

Dialovers uses a LOOOOOT of showing. And even so, its “showing” ability is very minimal considering the Japanese language can be vague on its own, it’s medium (visual novel) does not show a lot of things explicitly most of the time (and even when it is shown it doesn’t convey a lot). There’s several CGs of Laito and Yui where it doesn’t show the amount of pain or the dire situation Yui’s in, compared to what she’s saying she’s going through.

When I made my whole breakdown on Laito’s HDB route from Yui’s perspective, I got several comments about how they didn’t realize how bad his route really was. That’s either because people might not have experience with verbal abuse themselves, can’t exactly see Yui’s body language except her head (and even so, her expressions are limited), or don’t know a lot of gaslighting/verbal abuse techniques/have done research into it. Honestly verbal abuse is kind of hard to realize, so I’m not calling anyone dumb here. Despite me knowing a lot of the signs, I didn’t know I went through it––and even so I’ve denied it. And that’s what is so effective about this game though! Especially Laito’s route! Because you’re also sucked in with limited knowledge because you’re seeing this through Yui’s perspective, and on top of that it’s isolating. You can only make so many choices, and I feel like Dialovers is perfect as a visual novel. You get caught up with a lot of shock value things that Laito says, which serves as a perfect distraction for your first time through. But anyways, I’m getting off track.

For example, many people found his Maniac 07 chapter to be very confusing. I broke that one down here as well, and even so I was confused at first (also I was like 14/15, dear god). It tells you SO little, but you know that Laito’s incredibly upset at Richter for some reason, and even so, Yui comments on it a little too. Laito is shown to still hate Richter in DF, but he talks about it a tad more.

Here’s a further example from my writings in that first part of the Cordelia/Laito analysis series but I have bolded the terms I use to convey this rhetoric:

There hasn’t been any flashbacks that specifically show us the first time that happened. However, I believe that there was a flashback in HDB that shows one of the first times. Here’s a scene from Laito’s Dark Epilogue:

Cordelia: ー Laito…Laito… Laito: …Hm? Is something the matter? Cordelia: I have a favor to ask. It just isn’t enough. You can do it, right Laito? Laito: You really are something…So that’s why you came to me again? Cordelia: Fufufu…That’s right, Laito. Come on, quickly… Laito: …Guess it can’t be helped. I’ll love you plenty. Cordelia: Aah…My cute Laito~ I love you. I really do. Laito: I can do it…right? Cordelia: Of course, Laito. Now, quickly…

First of all, ew. Second of all, Laito’s diction implies that this was maybe the second or third time this occurred. He asks a question, and ends it with “again.” We know by this that it is not the first time, but the question also means that Laito might not have expected to occur again. His tone also implies some surprise to it, at least in my ears. His other question, “I can do it, right?” screams hesitance to me. If this scene took place down the line, or after many times he did this with Cordelia, I don’t believe he’d be some level of surprised or hesitance.

That’s what rhetorical analysis is. You take the contextual meaning of the words, the tone they use, and extrapolate what they imply. On top of this, we know that the term “love” here is sexual, implying that they did something sexual. We are not given the details of this, but considering we know that Laito uses “love” before he rapes Yui in the game, we can infer that’s what happened (or something similar) to himself with Cordelia, considering he projects on Yui quite a bit.

I was going to go over what is good/bad analysis, but I think I’ve implied it anyways here. Utilizing separate information from different sources of canon in order to make sense of something is good analysis. That’s our objective truth: canon. I’m not saying I’m the best at analysis, but I am fairly confident in it. It’s how I’m able to attempt to answer some of your “how would Laito react” questions without it being specifically hinted in the game. You cannot cherry pick specific sentences and go off of that alone for analysis. It’s context. It’s reading tone. It’s knowing the characters attitudes towards things, how they speak, etc. There’s a lot going into analysis in general. I know I didn’t elaborate on Aristotle’s rhetorical triangle right now, but that’s for another date I suppose.

Oh dear god I hope I didn’t lose you guys, I know this is a lot of information, but if you have any questions/comments/clarifications, as always, please let me know!

Hope you enjoyed! -Corn

#analysis #ask corn

[kdinjenzen]

I made a post the other day which essentially broke down being a trans person using their own creative outlet to express their journey, story, and feelings AND THEN having someone else jump in and say “No I don’t like that because it’s not how I VIEW TRANS PEOPLE.”

But I don’t think I really went into detail enough, so let me just -cracks knuckles- ... go into more detail.

So let’s talk about my story.

As many of you may, or may not, know my story to becoming myself is full of what I like to call “absolute nightmarish bullshit that no person should rightfully have to go through.”

Now any -ehem- “normal” person would look at that statement and think “Oh gosh, oh no, that’s so sad, this is awful, what a terrible story, this isn’t what people want to hear about or see!”

Well “normal” people, I hate to say it actually I don’t but you’re wrong on many levels.

First of all, while yes my story has a lot of BIG TRAUMA, it’s also not a SAD story.

I am married, I’m a WIFE, I have people around me who support me as ME and not in the weird “super supportive but not actually supportive” way, I literally live in a house with a bunch of lesbians I mean I cannot ask for a better living situation really, I despite EVERYTHING working against me am actually making progress on my own personal dreams of being a professional voice actress, I’m doing everything I can to support everyone from all walks of life who are struggling with my voice and platform holy heck I even have a PLATFORM to talk about IMPORTANT ISSUES ON WHAT THE WHAT!?, and that’s just the surface level stuff.

My story is, despite the difficulties getting to where I am, an unbelievably HAPPY STORY!

But, again, the “normal” person viewpoint won’t see that, or even acknowledge that, because they focus on the “NEGATIVE ASPECTS OF BEING TRANS” as if it isn’t society as a whole that continues to fail all marginalized people.

HEAVENS NO! It’s not SOCIETY that did it! It’s “just your parents” or “just your THOSE TYPES of people” or even worse “JUST BAD LUCK!”

The thing is... no matter what is said, what happened to me, the things I dealt with, the person I grew to be, the reality of my life as it is now... it’s my story, and it’s real, and lots of people cannot handle that.

So many people say they want to see an “authentic trans story” to “understand the struggles”, but do they really? I don’t think so.

And if they DO want to see a story of struggle, much like ANY story of struggle, there has to be someone to save them, or magically fix the problem, or make all the bad-bad go away.

It’s why we have so many “BASED ON A TRUE STORY” movies that add in PEOPLE WHO LITERALLY DO NOT EXIST to make the story PALATABLE FOR “NORMAL” AUDIENCES!

It twists the narrative of “this is about a type of person you may not directly relate to, but is a story and experience you should know about anyway” into “I REALLY HOPE WE DIDN’T MAKE YOU FEEL LIKE A BAD-BAD WHILE WATCHING THIS! HERE’S JOHNNY DO-GOODINGTON WHO HELPS THE STRUGGLING PERSON BE BETTER!”

Anywho...

When confronted with someone’s story, about who they are, the things they dealt with, and how they grew to go beyond that and make their life better and happy... it’s important to not interject, not to interrupt, and not to pick it apart with reckless abandon.

This also rings true for when that story is framed in the work of “turning my reality into fiction.”

People like fiction, they love it, but that fiction is often based on something, and you can easily tell when those more real and personal stories come to the front of the fictional work, and THAT is where some amazing representation comes from.

Again though, my story is mine, it’s full of shitty parents, getting disowned, violence, abuse, hate, struggles, and not knowing when or even IF it would ever get better...

But it did get better.

So it’s a good story.

Not all good stories have to be sunshine and rainbows, those are still entirely valid and I love them and hope that more people have THOSE than stories like mine, but my story, much like my life, is mine.

#kdin #kdinjenzen #kdin jenzen #LONG RANT #MY BAD #I KINDA WENT OFF AGAIN #WHOOPS #BEING ULTRA TRANS ON MAIN #text post #long post