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jadespeedster17 · 1 year

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The Unusual Prince

Notes; Great, listening to Once Upon A Dream, and must write fluff. this is a Au of my Mushroom Man and the Father Spore we’ve been making with Blu, with Mumbo and Scar being the focus.

Summary: Mumbo wasn’t expecting this type of reaction, much less an apology from Father Spore of all people. But here he was with the other holding his hand too keep him from leaving, and telling him he was sorry for not making things clear. And honestly Mumbo isn’t sure how to react.

Warnings: Not much of any, other than mild Body Horror as mushrooms do grow out of Scar’s body.

Mumbo was pissed as he glared at the cocky smile of the Father Spore. Trying his best to just head back to the building to listen to an idea that Bdubs had. He was still dead set on just killing all of them, even if Grian was in the mix. And frankly Mumbo himself was no murder, and couldn’t bring himself to agree to such an idea. But on his way there, Scar decided again to stop by and tease and rub in the fact he had Grian. Telling about how he got that bird to scream his name all day long once back at the resistance base. How Cub had joined in at one point, making sure they made Grian a perfect, happy mushroom bird.

And frankly, Mumbo was done with this, “Will you just shut the fuck up already!?” he snapped at Scar, cutting him off mid sentence. “What do you expect o hear form me!? What do you want, permission to fuck over this city with your shrooms or whatever!?” he screamed a little, dark black eyes glaring at Scar.

Whatever he was expecting, it possibly wasn’t that, as Scar stared a bit wide eyed at Mumbo’s reaction. Sure, he was used to Mumbo yelling, scowling, or anything else. But there was something else in the tone now.

“Well go right on ahead! What do I care! you have Grian, like you said, and you know for a fact I’d never do anything against him!” Mumbo yelled back, by now tears of frustration ran down his cheeks. “Why do you keep playing this game with me!? Just for some selfish ego problem of yours!? Do you like seeing other suffer so much!?” he accused and somewhat asked.

Scar gapped a bit at that, “that’s not what I-” he was cut off again by Mumbo throwing up his hands.

“What you what!? You keep coming at me each time to gloat and talk about the deadline, why do you bother with that?! Just to play a messed up game with me! Just take the fucking town, you know you already can!” Mumbo yelled, “i didn’t ask to be mayor of this! I didn’t want to be a mayor. Grian and I entered as a joke yet somehow won, and rather than just get a normal time with normal problems like infrastructure or whatever, I fucking get you! And I have no idea what to do! I’m not a military person, I’m not some hero! I’m just a guy who used to farm for a living near the outskirts of the island!”

Tears of frustration ran down Mumbo’s cheeks, his throat hurt, and he let out a chocked sob. “Just do as you please already...” he near whispered in a horse voice. “Why do you keep insisting on dragging me into it?. . . Gods I’m tired.” he said almost to himself that last part.

Mumbo sniffled a bit as silence hung in the air, roughly brushing away tears as he turned to leave, he was done arguing with a man that had mushrooms for brains. But as he walked, a hand reached out and grabbed his own. He turned back to see Scar looking at him with soft green eyes.

The hand held his tightly to keep him from moving, “I’m terribly sorry Mister Mayor.” Scar said to him quickly before Mumbo could yank away. “This wasn’t my intentions at all.”

Staring incredulously Mumbo looked at the spore man, “What?’ he asked in a croaked tone from all the yelling he just did.

The gloved hand held his as Scar looked guilty and sad, the cocky smile gone form his face instead was deep worry. “I do enjoy messing with you, but al in good banter. I had no idea that ... well my courting gestures were hurting you.” his tone seemed sincere enough.

Yet, Mumbo stared in shock at that, “C-Courting Gestures?” he echoed on disbelief, courting? Scar was courting him!? How remotely was he even doing that?

A nod as Mumbo found he wasn’t pulling away from the hand that still held his. “Indeed, my species, well, the way we court is much different to mortals. We like to cause problems for our potential mates, eager to have any attention we can get from them. But we never do it out of pure malice intent. true, you are my enemy in ways, so it’s a bit different... but haven’t you ever asked why I never killed you when I could? Instead opting to use spores to have you come to me?” he asked a bit in shock himself.

Mumbo gapped, his face feeling warm now as he did think on that. He swallowed now closing his mouth, “But what about Grian?” he asked confused.

“Ah, an oversight then, I knew of feelings, I had hoped by getting your mate to see potential in me, you would too.” Scar said sheepishly, Mumbo tried not to gap again. “He’s a beautiful bird, quiet stunning, I knew he had to be mine, and I knew you would follow as you are quiet the amazing person yourself.”

Okay so maybe flattery was working as Mumbo’s face heated up again and his ear tips turned red. Scar looked guilty now, “Mister Mayor I don’t use titles lightly, nickname suffice well for mates. But you’ve prove yourself stubborn in every way, shape, and form. And if that doesn’t make me long for you more, I don’t know what else might.”

Blinking out of the stupor, Mumbo spoke up, “You want me because I’m stubborn and keep pushing back against your advances?” he asked.

“Well it proves to me that you’d make an excellent care taker, and wont’ let anyone harm me or our mates or even children to come. The fact you fight against my advances for your attention proves I’m not trying hard enough...” a look of embarrassment, “Some spend their whole lives courting another, once we set our sights on a mate, we are stubborn to let go.”

The thumb rubbed his fingers as Mumbo felt warmth now in his chest at those words. He really shouldn’t be feeling such things! Father Spore was the enemy after all, and had tried to corrupt him many times, and had already done so to Grian. But... where all these truly just gestures of love? Could this evil man really be that much of a Himbo!?

A pause rang between them as Scar gave him a pleading smile, “Allow me to make it worth your time Mister Mayor, and I’ll make this up to you. I enjoy your feathers ruffled, in a metaphorical sense, but that’s not all that I am about.” he said pulling Mumbo closer.

A embarrassing squeak did escape Mumbo’s mouth, the other hand moving to catch his own free hand. The earthy scent was back, but wasn’t as overpowering as it used to be, Scar looked into his eyes, “I promise you, I’ll be a good mate for you, Grian, and Cub.” he near whispered.

Dark eyes stared into the green ones as they were pulled around, his feet automatically following Scar’s own. His heart futtered in his chest at how intense the stare was, the normal cockiness that was always there with a smirk and eyebrow raise, was gone. Replaced with a fonder look, soft, and caring.

This was.. so new, alarming at times. Mumbo didn’t think Scar was truly capable of being soft like this. He had only ever heard about it from Grian, but figured that it was just the spores in his head talking. Or perhaps Scar forcing Grian to say such things. Instead, Scar seemed so apologetic, and hurt that he had been making Mumbo so deeply upset to the point of tears. Being quick to clarify and try to stop Mumbo from crying or yelling more. Come to think of it, Scar never called him ‘Mumbo’ that much, it was always by his title. Which he never did for anyone else in the office.

They did pull back a moment, as Mumbo messed with his tie, trying to let his thoughts processes this. He could make out Scar humming a faint tune, before going over and taking his hand again. Mumbo looked at him, seeing that gentle smile he always gave Grian.

Trailing a hand up to Mumbo’s shoulder as the mayor did smile faintly back. His eyes growing fond at how... caring the touches were. He really shouldn’t be falling for this, it could just be a tactic to use his feeling against him, but... it felt so real, guiding again into a twirl as a small laugh escaped his mouth.

At that moment, the rain did start to fall, a light drizzle that soaked their clothing. Etching another laugh from Mumbo as it drenched them.

The sound made Scar’s eyes lit up brighter as the smile became more real, no longer having sad tints to it. He pulled Mumbo closer again, a hand on his waist, “You have a pretty laugh.” Scar teased him lightly earning a bashful smile.

“you’re an odd person.” Mumbo said back to him as they walked together the rain drizzling around them. “Going from evil and secretive one minuet, to cherishing and devoted in another?” he looked perplexed, but still held Scar’s hand as they walked together past the area that was once the science building.

A shrug, Scar laced his fingers with Mumbo, “Can you forgive me?” he asked him shyly, “You have rights to be mad, I’ve been a terrible mate to your feelings.” the spore creature said messing with his shirt a bit. “But I promise I’ll-”

He was cut off by Mumbo moving forward and giving him a soft kiss. Scar pulled back for a moment in shock, “You do know that can-” he was cut off again by the mayor hugging him.

“I know...” Mumbo told him, “It’s fine, i’ll worry about it later, right now, let me have this.” he mumbled into the shirt, taking in the earthy scent that was strangely comforting now. Before he hated how he could tell it was Scar’s scent, now, despite making his head fuzzy he liked it. Arms wrapped around him quickly, and hugged him closer, was... wait Scar could purr?

“I’ll stop stalling if you wish, tomorrow, would that be good? You can wait for me and the others if you like, to keep up appearances.” Scar offered to him with a bright smile when he pulled away, “I’ll take you home tomorrow, from there we’ll go at your comfort level.” he said excitement in his tone as he held Mumbo in his arms, and peppering his face with kisses. “Okay?” he asked running a hand through the other’s silver and black hair.

Mumbo looked up at him, the other was only slightly taller than him. “I..-” he was cut off when he heard yelling of his name down the ally way. Bdubs’s voice from the sound of it. Fear laced his heart at the idea of them seeing him like this. Turning back to speak to Scar, only to stare... the Father Spore had already left the scene... leaving Mumbo alone in the rain.

He stared at the area where Scar used to be, and felt a painful longing in his chest and sadness that he had left. The spores on his hands were being washed off by the rain, but he’d have to disinfect anyway... at no doubt Bdubs request as the rain could also be infected.

Taking a breath, he did faintly smile, “Tomorrow then.” he said out loud, hoping he was heard, turning back to find the others. And for once... a weight was lifted off his shoulders.

Mumbo sat at the desk sighing lighting as he read over the plans again. He had bene humming faintly to himself all day the song Scar ahd been, finding out it was a Disney song, which made him smile a bit. He never would have pictured the villain to be a Disney fan.

Call him an idiot, but last night had been wonderful, his lips still faintly tingled whether from the memory or actual spores on them he wasn’t sure. And he remembered the faint dreams of it that carried off, which had him hoping today was the day.

He honestly didn’t have much left in him to care anymore about this place. He’s no military leader or hero, like he told Scar. The other could just take over already, and he’d be done with it. At that point, he was ready to just let Scar kill him. Only to find the other giving a proclamation of love in a twisted and dark sort of way, but yet it still made Mumbo’s heart flutter in his chest.

Lost in thought for a long moment just now messing with the papers, Mumbo heard something outside the office. He stood up to go check, only to jump as the doors opened quickly. He could only make out a blur of purple feathers before he was slammed into. And grunted as he fell back with a Grian in his arms, it knocked the wind out of him as Grian hugged him tightly.

Purple spores were consuming the room quickly as Grian was chirping happily. “well, I did tell you he’d cause a scene.” Mumbo heard as he looked past the mushroom purple wings to see Cub walking in with Scar.

“Oh let him, he’s missed our dear Mayor.” Scar chided lightly with a grin on his face. “hello my love.” he said to Mumbo leaning on his cane with a casual smile. Mumbo just gave a playful glare at that as Grian didn’t seem to want to let go.

A soft chirp again came from him, “I knew you’d come around eventually.” Grian mumbled into Mumbo’s neck. “Gosh Mumbo, it’s been a bit depressing without you.”

Mumbo rose an eye brow, “Depressing? Really? I’d say this job title was more so.” he got a swat from one of the wings, which cause purple pollen to ran on his hair and shoulders. He sneezed a bit as Grian snickered, and did allow Mumbo to stand.

Sighing a bit, Mumbo smiled at the other two. “Do I want to know what’s going on outside?” he asked in a joking tone. “Nah.” Cub said waving his hand as Scar nodded in agreement.

Scar leaned upright again and walked over to Mumbo, pulling him closer by the waist and kissing him again. Closing his eyes, Mumbo leaned up into it, by this point he didn’t care if the others saw. Breathing in slow and calmly as he was hugged from behind and Cub also joined in. They did pull back from the searing kiss, and just held him.

“I can’t wait to see what you’ll become my darling mayor.” Scar chuckled to him, a hand squeezing his waist. “It’s a new world for all of us, and I know we’ll make it even better.” he grinned showing sharp teeth.

A dazed look was on Mumbo’s face, and a dizzy smile at that. He didn’t say anything just leaned on the other. Scar chuckled, “Come along now, let’s get you home, sunlight can be a bit much to new sporelings.” he said leading mumbo by his hand as Grian took the other.

Not an ideal situation, letting the villain win, but Mumbo could live with that.

#goodtimeswithscar #mumbo #grian #cubfan135 #mumbo/scar #hermitshipping #fluff #the mushroom man AU #a what if ending #hermitcraft #fanfiction

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kirk-says-wah · 2 months

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hi!! i have a request, if you’re still open to them !

can you write something angst/comfort/a teeny bit of fluff around the mop/ajfa era where the band does like shrooms or something together and kirk has a really bad trip and they help him through it? it can be james/kirk/lars/jason or poly met !!

thank you amd i love your writing :D

Thank you! ❤️

You can also read it here

𝐓𝐫𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐞𝐝

TW: drugs

“I don’t think this is a good idea.”

In fact, James is pretty sure this is a bad idea. Like one of the worst ideas any of them have had in a while.

“It’s not that bad,” Lars whines, sitting on the floor next to Kirk. “I’ve done it before.”

That doesn’t make James feel any better. He’s never really been one to take drugs, nothing like Kirk and Lars who are always indulging in cocaine.

He eyes the drugs in Lars’s hands warily before turning to Jason.

“Are you gonna do it?”

Jason looks at him for a moment before shaking his head. “It’s not my kind of thing.”

“You two are pussies,” Lars declares before handing some to Kirk.

“I just wanted to make sure at least one of us is sober in case one of you freaks,” James says. Kirk cocks his head slightly, but Lars just scoffs.

“Everything’s gonna be fine. Ain’t that right, Kirk?”

“Yes sir,” Kirk laughs, saluting.

James just sighs, settling down on the couch next to Jason.

James really hopes it will be, but he can’t help be feel a bit on edge as he watches Kirk and Lars take the shrooms.

“I don’t think this was a good idea,” Jason mumbles, feeling out for James’s hand, taking it in his own. James just squeezes it gently, trying to be reassuring.

Lars is the first one to react.

“Dude,” Lars drawls, pupils like saucers as he stares around the room. He looks spaced out, a huge grin spreading across his face as leans back to look at the ceiling.

James huffs a laugh as Lars starts to wave his arms around in front of his face.

Lars told him it wasn’t a strong batch, will probably wear off in half an hour, but that doesn’t make James any less anxious.

And then there’s a gasp from beside them, and James look to see Kirk mimicking Lars, pupils blown wide.

That is, until suddenly the smile on his face is quickly wiped off, and he starts to shake, hands held out in front of him.

“No,” Kirk cries, shaking his head vigorously. “No, no, no.”

James goes into panic mode, and he jumps from the sofa, letting go of Jason’s hand to kneel in front of Kirk.

“Hey, Kirk. It’s okay.”

Kirk just continues his mantra, arms flailing out, narrowly missing James’s head.

James grimaces before taking Kirk’s arms in his own. Kirk protests, crying out as James weighs his arms down, but James tries not to think about it, instead turn to press Kirk against him, caccooning Kirk against his chest.

“It’s okay,” James shushes, keeping Kirk close as Kirk starts to cry. “It’s gonna be okay.”

James smooths a hand over Kirk’s hair before looking up to see Jason sat with Lars. He’s holding the drummer’s hand in his lap as Lars giggles to himself.

“You okay?” Jason asks quietly, watching Kirk cry against James’s chest.

James doesn’t really know what to say, so he just shakes his head, rocking Kirk softly.

They stay like that for a long while before finally Lars starts to talk coherent again.

“Woah, dude,” Lars exclaims, moving to lean against Jason. “That was so fucking cool.”

Jason just gives him a disapproving look before Lars gets the hint, turning to see Kirk still bundled up in James’s strong arms.

“Is he okay?”

“No,” James states blatantly, carding his hands through Kirk’s hair slowly. He looks down to find Kirk now looking back up at him. He’s just staring, not saying a word, tears still trickling from the corners of his eyes.

“Fuck,” Lars states, before crawling over to James, bringing Jason with him.

“I’m so sorry, baby,” Lars says, leaning forwards to cup Kirk’s jaw.

Kirk just stares at him, still looking a bit frightened. Lars looks like he might cry, and Jason puts his arm around his shoulders.

“You weren’t to know this would happen,” he says, pressing a soft kiss to Lars’s temple.

Lars just sniffs, slumping back into Jason’s grip.

Eventually, Kirk starts to blink and his hands come up to grip James’s tshirt.

“Hey,” James says, quietly. “You with us?”

Kirk just nods, swallowing as he looks between them.

“We’re never doing that again.”

The other three just nod vigorously. James helps Kirk sit up a bit, arm still holding him around his shoulders.

“I’m so sorry, Kirk,” Lars says, taking Kirk’s hand in his own.

Kirk just shakes his head, squeezing Lars’s hand softly.

#metallica #metallica fanfiction #poly!met #asks #my fics #james hetfield #kirk hammett #lars ulrich #jason newsted

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birdie-breeze · 4 months

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Im writing a tragedy novel about two best friends who’s trauma counteracts each other. Amber kennedy(the main character) is self-centered and too caught up in her own sad life that she doesnt realize the things she does is manipulative and wrong. She drags her friend along on when she is doing self destructive stuff. She also lashes out often when stuff gets too stressful for her or when someone trues to help her. Her friend (Claire Morgan) has abandonment issues and has known Amber since 3rd grade. Amber has been the only one that stayed even if she can be mean and get her in trouble. Since she is (sort of) popular, she finds herself with toxic guys. And her need to be loved makes her stay for longer than she should. They have a band gets a gig at a popular grunge club. Amber falls into the wrong group and starts experimenting with harder stuff (Alcohol, meth, shrooms). She pressures claire into these things even when its against her personal morals. Claire pities Amber because she was there when her life fell apart and knows thats she so fucked because of it.

I want to show how certain groups(mostly “emo” groups from my experience) can encourage bed behavior and enable the mentally ill. Instead of either of them asking for help, they let themselves fall apart. Amber is mean and tends to hurt people she closer to. Claire doesn’t know who she is and doesn’t have the confidence to stand up for herself or go against what people want(people pleaser). Thats why the book is called “Broken Glass, Empty Space”

If you guys have any ideas or input please comment. Great art cant be great without criticism.

#writeblr #ao3 #bookblr #authors #literature #writing #writers on tumblr #writerscommunity #writers and poets #female writers

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t-lane-writes · 2 years

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Hello hello! You asked me to send you an ask for the Get To Know the Wip game, so here I am! I’d love to hear more about 👑 and 🐱 for Ananke!! Or another Wip if you prefer :)

From @mel-writes-with-her-dragons

Why, thank you for this ask! :) (u reblogged the meme from me, it's only fair, y'kno)

Oh, I am prepared to answer all kinds of questions for Ananke, ha!

👑 - Are there rulers? A government? Who calls all the shots?

Yes, there are. The world is governed by bureaucracy. The Antimatter Transfer Station is subject to the Bureau for Contacts with Aliens, however, the bureaucrats do not contact their subjects themselves - the Station Management is their liaison. There's also a more detailed hierarchy within the Station, but that's not what the question is about, so...

As for who calls the shots... Well... let this fragment explain:

Stella allowed Cora to link her with the Deputy. It was just like she’d expected.

“First my dinner is interrupted,” Ekundao growled, “because of some outrageous ideas you and your people have. Then I have to wait for you to link. What’s going on down there, Coordinator Zahira?”

“Didn’t your agent inform you?” Stella maintained her calm. “We have a crisis, I relied all the information we have, to a competent person on your staff.” She didn’t add that she believed Manager General, or Deputy Manager as it was, should be updated by that person, not her.

Ekundao snorted with irritation. He must have thought Stella was being impertinent, but couldn’t quite point it out to her. “Of course I was informed,” he said instead, jutting his chin. “Weren’t you informed that Eridan’s antimatter hasn’t yet been paid for?”

“Perhaps I haven’t mentioned that this crisis is of humanitarian nature. Half a million lives are at stake.” The unasked question was, do I have the order from the Management or from the Bureau to stand down? Of course none of them would give such order.

“Very well,” said Ekundao. “You want to save those people, the Management applauds your attitude. The Bureau will too, once they are briefed. They are sure to be watching all your moves very closely.” It was a veiled threat, if Stella ever heard any. And poorly veiled at that. Apparently Ekundao’s brain was still lagged from the interrupted dinner. Or maybe he didn’t think a mere Coordinator was worthy of any actual effort. She was his subordinate after all; it was her who had to be careful with what she said while talking to him. He narrowed his eyes at her. “Do you have a feasible plan of how you are going to proceed? Because my agent haven’t relied that detail to me.”

Of course he didn’t. Because she hadn’t.

“We are working on the plan as we speak. We also need more data to commence calculations. But I can assure you my whole department is on high alert and we are doing our best.”

“Meanwhile relocations are progressing as planned? We do not want to have anyone stranded.”

This was a silly a comment as they got. Rumors about people being left behind on the night side grew like the shrooms in the rain, the closer the relocation approached, but not one of them was ever confirmed. The relocation procedures were foolproof. But he had to say something.

“It is not going to happen,” Stella replied with fake patience.

“Glad to hear that, Coordinator Zahira. You have to understand, we must ensure the safety of our people, and our colony first. Its importance to the whole of humanity trumps the safety of one stringer. Keep me informed of all your steps,” he stressed before he disconnected the call.

Stella was furious. This conversation was a complete waste of time. Deputy Manager had the decision-making power over the entire Section of Antimatter Transfer. He could give the order to the Trap Supervisor to not redirect the antimatter to the Architecture, or tell the Architecture to not construct the Beam.

But he wouldn’t. No one from administration or bureaucracy were ever keen on actually making decisions that mattered. It was up to Stella. Then, if she succeeded it would be a success of the entire Aruna Station. If she failed, it would be her personal failure.

Great.

aaand...

🐱 - What are the animals like? Pets? Local fauna?

I totally neglected the pets! But there IS local fauna (and flora)... Let's see...

For six years, all Morgan could see when he called up the viewpoint of the outside on his wall, had been a barren desert, drenched in merciless sunlight. The monotony of the flat land, stretching up to the barely visible hills on the western horizon, had been broken by a few tall needles of the cacti, the only above-surface part of this extremely robust organism. A few beings on the planet were able to survive the long, excruciating day. The cacti had a unique capacity for gathering water through their massive root systems, that reached so far below the surface, they could find aquifers even during the hottest noon.

Other organisms were capable of containing water for longer periods. The thick leaved fungi were a form of a symbiont, that pulled moisture from the cacties’ expansive root systems. In exchange they provided a touch of shadow. In that shadow lived a number of smaller-yet creatures.

What baffled the botanists, was the fact that those stationary creatures were heterotrophs. Animals, by the standards of the biology of human homeworld.

Autotrophs – plants – lived almost exclusively in the narrow field that was lit by the setting Suria. This short period of time that preceded the winds and storms and deathly cold, was also the time for the cacti and fungi and their companions, to breed. In the near-horizontal sunrays, life now bloomed like crazy, enchanting with wealth of colors and shapes, only to disappear again in a few weeks, this time under a thick crust of ice.

Beside lower temperatures, water was also essential in bringing the planet’s life to blossom. First, several human months ago, some clouds begun to appear over the eastern horizon, on the scorching, pale violet sky. They stretched deeper and deeper, appeared and disappeared, more and more frequent, denser. Then the rains begun and brought on more rapid changes – so rapid in fact, that each day revealed something new.

First the fungi swelled then ruptured, releasing masses of small bug-like creatures that circled around, smashing into the cameras so much, that additional cleaning was necessary. Most of them landed on the moistened now ground and sunk into it. They vanished completely within a human day, twenty four hours. Then the cacti bloomed with bewildering colors. It was hard to say if those colorful appendices were, botanically speaking, flowers, but since they reminded people of things that were called that way in the encyclopedias from the homeworld – this is what they got called.

New organisms appeared, insect- or bird-like, myriads of them in many shapes, sizes, colors and activities. Some flew from one cacti flower to the next and, stained with its multicolored secretion, smeared it all over the ground, the other flowers and each other. Others ran around in the mud, fighting or mating, who could tell. All of them strange nomadic beings, that followed the setting sun in their eternal journey around the planet. They came from the east in their everlasting dance of life, and kept on going, slowly traversing to the west. Aruna was beautiful. And mostly left to her own devices, since humans only inhabited a chain of sealed cities along the equator. People only knew her daytime side – they were genomed to withstand warm temperatures, as even the sophisticated city systems weren’t able to entirely reduce the sweltering heat of Aruna’s long day. Surviving on the night side was considered impossible. When the terrain around the city, along with the stationary organisms would vanish under tens of meters of permafrost.

Any other asks? Anyone? Please? (I would mostly like to talk about Crystal Spring Valley, because I have to get back to it dammit...)

#ananke #writer ask game #ask games

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pinktricksworld · 2 years

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She is tsunami

Life’s humbled me I have no time to think of myself

I’m just asking for a little help

My love’s a scared ocean you're a sailor going against the tides

Emotions guide the waves I’m telling you to find land and make it out alive

A common ground, where the ripples can still touch your hand

I’ll draw you small hearts in the sand

I want to rest my head next to yours

Forget about how bad it’s been before

I’d like to think we’re doing better

When I miss you I make up new letters

When I miss you I create my own language

When I can’t hear your voice the silence is anguish

When your voice is breaking my heart joins in too

Sometimes I’ve made you sad and didn’t know what to do

I accidentally hurt my bestest friend

Please God grant me perfection, cuz I can’t love myself if I do that again

Please I don’t want to feel alone

So can you spray all my stuffed animals in your cologne?

And you do it every single time

My gratitude list says I’m grateful that you’re mine

Your love is blinding to the darkness that consumes up all my time

You are the sun and I’m glad I was blessed with dark brown eyes

That I don’t have to squint them to see you Crystal clear

You lit up the paths and I’m happy you’re here

Your presence I’ll never take for granted

But I know it can feel that way when the words we’ve said done their damage

Pay attention to how I feel not what I say

Because my words simply cannot relay

I am bad at translating words from my mind

But when I process, write it down, and rewind

I realize I was never angry I just needed to cry

I needed to let the past go without asking why

I demanded clarity when the answers would lead me nowhere

Held others responsible for my emotions as if that was fair

I’ll admit, there are More days than some days

Where I forget to not repeat my same, stupid, old mistakes

I’m slow because I smoke

My friends all grew away from self harm and coke

I Never touched it

But I don’t have to snort off a table to be an addict

I shoplift, I drink,self diagnose , and sneak box cutters into my room

It’s funny that I think I could handle shrooms

Because I’ll never grow up growing old

My soul will never match its mold

Understand loving me is tolerating my sparks of immaturity

My screw ups especially because I’ll always be learning

Some days I won’t make it to the sink when the venom spills out

But I’ll clean up the messes I’ve made if you don’t sleep on the couch

I’ll stop drinking wine so you don’t see me puke

I’ll send all my friends back home and disable the nukes

I’ll pretend this water is vodka like in my corny pick up line

Make it to where the oxygens enough to get me high

Learn to enjoy the simple things

To dance everytime my ears begin to ring

If I learned how to make a hard life pleasurable

I wouldn’t need to be rich to feel on top of the world

Dollar spent is a dollar to waste

But I’ll throw away all my money just to see your pretty face

Bad days make me appreciate your smile

How it feels to hold you after being stuck at my house for awhile

You tell me you need to feel safe and loved too

So I let you be the small spoon

And if you’re needing more than that call for me

Take a few deep breaths calm down and come talk to me

I’m sorry I don’t always react the best

That I jump to worse case scenarios when you’re already stressed

I’m supposed to have better foundation as your shelter

Instead I fall apart over the false prophecies of fake fortune tellers

I cross my fingers to avoid it being self fulfilling

But the forces of nature don’t need me to be willing

I’m a deer in headlights and you’re an anxious driver

You hit the breaks but my fate is under the tires

And every time I make it out safely

I ask you “is the eye of the storm still worth chasing?”

#poetry #love #vent blog #bpd thoughts #poets on tumblr

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viceandmen · 10 months

Text

Dear friends,

There’s also something so cathartic being able to talk with y’all. It’s such a reciprocal relationship. I gab; you listen. I don’t ask for advice and you don’t give it.

Muah, truly chef’s kiss 🤌🏽

If I remember correctly my writing entails sharing about the revolving door of men and female friends in my life. Sometimes I sprinkle in my professional woes. No more drunk shenanigans as I’m coming up on 5.5 years no booze tomorrow.

I still get my kicks from trying to fix my world with relationships. Currently I’m involved with the boy across the street. After my two and half year relationship dismantled, I found a boy in AA to wipe away my tears but sadly his pen15 couldn’t get hard. Oopsies I suck at anonymity. Sue me.

And then the text came:

He had texted me about a year earlier which I not-so-politely ignored. This boy was my kryptonite and I was dating my ex. The last time I opened a dialogue with The Neighbor I ended up cheating on my first boyfriend. Another oopsie.

I was single and not really ready to mingle. The Broken Dick Boy cutting things off prematurely hurt my heart. Which goes to show how desperate I am for companionship. Willing to be with a boy who couldn’t pleasure me properly ooof.

But The Neighbor texted me and it felt like the clouds parted and the sun was shining on what I was searching for. We had met in 2016 and bonded over our mutual attempt at sobriety. I fell in lust or premature love, there was something that pulled me in. Sorry first ex boyfriend you were absolutely collateral damage in my quest for love. It’s not that yours wasn’t enough, I wanted more.

We both relapsed and found sobriety a few different times between 2016 and now. We both had separate relationships that ended. And here we were, both single, living across the street from one and other, and trying to remain drug and alcohol free.

So imagine how heartbroken I was after hanging out a few times to find out he had taken to drinking once more. And I’m a classic I-can-fix-it gal, I didn’t run, I got sucked in even further. I wasn’t about to let a six pack of hard ciders a night ruin my love story.

Oh how my heart fluttered when I got this text. THIS WAS IT. He wanted to get healthy with me by his side. GOD WAS DOING IT!

It was my pleasure escorting him to detox, receiving phone calls each night he was gone, and to pick him up with the widest of open arms. So fuck us both that a month later we’re back in this shitty threesome of me, him, and the booze.

I don’t want to leave him, I don’t want to take my sponsor’s suggestion and run, I want to stay. But boy am I uncomfortable. The change in his attitude, the way he nonchalantly makes digs at me, the spotlight on my defects. I want to hate him. I just hate this goddamn disease.

I’ve got 18 minutes left of my shift and I need to pee and make a coffee because afterwards I need to go across the street and grovel. When I found out yesterday he had maybe plans to go to the beach with a girl from high school, I let my jealous/insecurity send me into a reactionary rage of silence and tears.

My words escaped me and I pulled up a text thread from my girlfriend earlier. I wanted to text her to see if I was overreacting or reacting normally. But before I could, he came behind me to hug me. Instead of swiping the text away, I scrolled letting him see that I made plans to possible trip shrooms with her after achieving a year of sobriety from marijuana.

That was a mistake. He has mentioned weeks ago the idea of us doing them together on a mountain top and he thought because I felt hurt about him going to the beach I purposely pulled up the convo to hurt him back.

Maybe I subconsciously did. I bite back quickly and hard when I feel threatened. Not my favorite trait. Usually I’m so polite and perfect (sarcasm).

So I’m gonna go piss and plot how to make him feel safe when the irony of him drinking again makes me feel the opposite.

It’s the moments like this where I think everything will be alright. And we’ll be alright. That we’re just soulmates going through some soul problems.

Fuck me and my delusional romantic heart.

Until next time,

Yours truly.

#addiction #sobriety #romance #text messages #not so young love #sad thoughts #sad girl #emo girl #heartbreak

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cloveroctobers · 3 years

Text

October Prompts — 5. Lip Gallagher ; Shameless

Prompt: ‘ halloween is the perfect day to hide a body in plain sight. ❜

A/N: first time ever writing for lip Gallagher. I had my ups and downs with shameless as a show (along with many) and have yet to finish the final season. It took me awhile to get into his lane but I’m here! I think it was season 6 or 7 or 8? Somewhere around there that got me here lol plus some edits! Here’s a little something since his character’s been on my mind so this is my attempt at writing him lol.

•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*

You came back to Chicago from Indianapolis simply on impulse. It was something you commonly did, acted on impulse and just dipped despite the fact that you already made plans with your friends for Halloween. However you hoped right on a train (a week ago) and made yourself at home at Lip’s instead of your cousin Veronica’s house. You loved Amy and Jemma but you could only deal with one kid at a time so you chose Lip and Freddie for as long as they would have you.

Of course Veronica started to give you a piece of her mind but you quickly told her you’d break up your time between the two houses as best as you could. Currently you were in the kitchen mumbling to yourself as you bounced freddie on your hip, throwing last minute ingredients into a pot as the front door opened. You had Rico Nasty blasting as your phone buzzed and Lip made an appearance from work.

“…what’s going on in here?” Lip asked as he made his way into the kitchen, taking freddie from your hold.

You stirred the food before placing the lid on it, “remember that old hookup I had my third day out here?”

“No? Remind me.” Lip replied as he cooed up at Freddie in the air, who gave his dad a smile full of two teeth and a gargle.

Shifting you leaned against the counter after picking your phone back up to show Lip the post of your hookup, “this Darius guy. A total space cadet but carried great conversation, unless we were both tripping off the shrooms?”

“I thought you said you didn’t do that shit anymore?”

“I thought so too, shame me later. We have a bigger issue here.” You fanned your hand while Lip briefly walked out of the kitchen to place Freddie back in his baby swing.

Lip walked back into the kitchen to grab some Gatorade from the fridge and asked, “tell me what the problem is this time.”

“He posted me on his story without my consent.”

Lip halted from taking a sip and asked, “what do you mean, like nude?”

“Oh no just in my bra” You quickly waved your fingers and Lip let out a low exhale as he took a drink, “we ended up sleeping in the woods after the movie screening because they locked us in the park and we couldn’t find any other exit and I guess after he laid it down, which he really really did…he felt the need to post about how I kept singing this song and how I’m basically a undercover witch trying to steal his soul.”

Lip screwed the top back onto his juice and wiped at his nose, a smirk on his lips as he then said, “what song were you singing that convinced him that you wanted to do a seance?”

“I can’t tell by the video it was muffled.” You glanced upwards to think about it, “Maybe Nina Simone? Maybe Diana Ross? Fuck, it could have been that bitch I used to listen to back on my IMVU and MySpace days.”

Lip shrugged, “so basically it could have been anything with your wired brain and if you amplify that on shrooms?” He let out a low whistle, “who knows? Are you really that worried?”

You had turned back to the pot stirring the stew before you whipped your head back over to your friend of many many years, “I have fans Philip, I can’t have some asshole running his mouth about me…unless he’s telling people how fantastic of a lover I am.”

“I could easily tell them that.” Lip winked at you while you huffed digging you fists into your hips.

Yes you and Lip had a thing for a bit, after things ended with Amanda and Helene. It wasn’t the right time to get wrapped up in between Lip Gallagher’s legs but he needed someone and you were one of his closest friends. You were there through it all and you hated seeing Lip succumb to the hereditary disease. It was when Lip was at his complete lowest and you entertained him sexually. That was a whole mess in itself but you don’t regret those intimate moments with Lip, it was a long time coming and it only took x amount of years for it to happen. Unfortunately it didn’t last because you couldn’t heal his issues, it wasn’t your job and you were able to keep your friendship although it was extremely hard in the beginning.

“Yeah, you want to want to make a onlyfans with the gamer here?” You suggested as Lip scratched at his brow in thought.

“Lip!” You called out to the round blue eyed man who laughed shamelessly in response.

“What? The extra cash wouldn’t hurt this single dad out ya know?”

You waltzed over to Lip holding out a spoon to him, “taste this, and if you need extra bands you could always let me know, you know that.”

It was the south side pride. You never liked to ask each other for shit because everyone had it hard and found someway to scrap up enough money to get by. Since the gentrification hit the streets of the south side, things only differed. Which is one of the main reasons you got the hell out of dodge. It’s been a couple of years now but it seemed like things were better for Lip at the shop and Tammi didn’t ask for child support so his only focus was Freddie and the house.

Lip let the flavors soak up on his pallet and even went as far to lick his thumb, “you get better every time, y/n.”

“That’s what I like to hear!” You spun back over to the stove to turn the pot off, “get the plates ready.”

Lip moved around after watching you for a bit, grabbing two plastic bowls before he asked, “You fed Freddie already?”

“Of course, now the man of the house needs a nap so he’s ready for our big night.” You moved back to the baby who was still full of smiles as he watched some cartoon on a near by tablet.

Picking up the chunky toddler you pressed your forehead to his, cooing at him as Lip placed the plates on the small table where Freddie’s tablet sat.

“What’s tonight?” Lip was confused.

You gasped, “it’s Halloween lip, c’mon get it together! Freddie’s with us tonight since Tammi has the night off, she’s apparently heading into the city with her new boyfriend…so we have to set a plan into motion.”

Lip’s mind was wandering as you disappeared to put Freddie down for a nap. He took the plates to serve the both of you some stew over rice and string beans before setting them back on the table. When you entered back into the dining area, your silk robe floating behind you with each step you took, you went to the fridge to grab the bottle of sparkling cider you bought earlier today.

“I hope you’re not planning for us to spy on Tammi and her boyfriend.”

You fanned your hand at lip as you took a swing from the bottle before sliding it over to the dirty blond, “please, I don’t give a shit what that girl does. She’s not in my life, this is about me.”

“Of course it is,” Lip chuckled as he also took a swing from the bottle the fizz sitting well into his belly, “what crazy scheme are you involving myself and my son in tonight?”

“Which is my god-son…secretly.” You mentioned which made lip smile, “halloween is the perfect day to hide a body in plain sight.”

Lip halted his chewing as you were all smiles as you shoved rice into your mouth happily, “you’re planning on killing this dude…over posting you singing whatever song post-sex?”

“I never said kill,” you widened your eyes, “but if it comes to that—

Lip scoffed out a laugh, “Jesus Christ, y/n! Do you want me to talk to him? Straighten this whole thing out?”

It was your turn to scrunch up your nose, “ew, Philip. What are we teenagers again? I don’t need you to speak for me, I just need you there for support while I do what I need to do, rough him up a bit and hide ‘em in the bushes.”

Lip looked at you, really looked at you in this moment. He’s known you since forever and this wasn’t the first time you came up with some crazy ass scheme, he’s had some insane times with you around but definitely memorable so he wasn’t sure why this was coming as a surprise.

“Question, are you fuckin’ high right now? Be honest.”

You flicked your eyes up to the man who sat across from you and sighed, “Lip, I’m your best if not bestest friend in the whole wide world! You’re a recovering alcoholic, do you honestly think I would bring any type of substance around you along with a child in the house? Give me some credit here…plus all of my shit is at Kev and V’s.”

Lip sat back in his chair, which creaked underneath the weight and he genuinely laughed holding his hands out in defeat, “alright then, fine. What time do we leave?”

You squealed getting up to hop into Lip’s lap giving him a tight squeeze. Lip let out a cough as he was swallowing just as you squeezed the life out of his neck and you pulled back unaware. You stared into his eyes for a moment before placing kisses all over his face and ending with a quick peck to his lips.

“I love you, Lip Gallagher. You won’t regret tonight, I promise.”

Lip shook his head at your theatrics and always thought you’d be a good actor but you chose the world of gaming instead.

“Yeah, yeah. If you do decide to kill the guy give me a fair warning so I can get Freddie out of the way? Don’t need him suffering any trauma by my hands, alright?” Lip warned you, peering up into your eyes to let you know he was serious.

You gripped his face pressing your forehead to his, something you commonly did with the people you cared about.

“Wouldn’t dream of it, he’s basically mine too. I love that little guy, maybe more than your ass.”

Lip couldn’t be mad at that.

•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•^•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•

Continue along with my anthology October prompts here

#shameless us #shameless #lip Gallagher #lip Gallagher x reader #writing this before I have to get ready for work if I feel like it when I get off I’ll write some more prompts #october prompts #lip Gallagher x black! reader

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raven-at-the-writing-desk · 3 years

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Hello! Could I request headcanons of a g/n reader (platonic) walking in on Jade doing something really dumb? Something funny you would never catch him doing publicly that's not completely out of character for him, maybe him talking to himself as his mushrooms in a very dramatic way. I honestly just want to see your take on this, you don't have to answer this if you can't. Thank you!

(also as a fellow jade simp the mere thought of this has me laughing i hope you also have a good time answering this)

(✨u✨ )

I had Jade’s Lab Coat Groovy in mind while I was writing this! and I had to pause multiple times to let my heart rest and not explode from thinking about his stupid cute face—

Curiouser and Curiouser...

You hear a chipper voice as soon as you walked into the Botanical Garden one day, and follow the sound to find Jade making his rounds in the building. He stops by every section of the garden to the darkest, shadiest areas to retrieve his mushroom samples, and... proceeds to baby talk and gush to them.

He lovingly calls his mushrooms by various nicknames depending on the species. For example, amanita muscaria are “Dots” and mycena interrupta are “Pixies”. When Jade is referring to his mushrooms as a collective, he calls them his beloved “Shroomies” or “Mushies”.

He doesn’t just call them names; from the sounds of it, he has assigned each species a particular personality and a unique background! (... You can’t help but wonder if Jade had a catalog of all his mushroom OCs lying around somewhere.)

Jade speaks to the shrooms as though they are real people! He even pauses to allow for empty space for the mushrooms to give “responses”, and seems to talk to them about all kinds of topics, from how their days were to the weather and recent findings from his mountain hikes.

“Would you care for a drink?” he offers, tipping a small watering can to wet the soil beneath a cluster of armillaria tabescens. “Fufufu. You are very much welcome, Honeypies.”

Jade skillfully inoculates pleurotus ostreatus on a log, and immediately introduces it to the other mushrooms (thus expanding the lore of his mushroomverse). “Everyone, please give a warm welcome to the newest family in the neighborhood, the Kaki.”

“The little ones are growing up big and strong,” he remarks, using his index finger to stroke the tops of a few mushrooms in turn—as though giving head pats to children. “I am excited to see you reach full maturity one day.”

When he happens upon mushrooms ready to be harvested, Jade handles them ever so tenderly. He thanks them for the time they have spent with him before harvesting. Jade takes care to wash them, meticulously scrub them down with a mushroom brush, and pat them dry before placing them in a basket, as though preparing a body for a funeral.

... But throughout it all, he has a gentle smile on his face. You’ve never seen Jade this happy before. Sure, you’ve seen him smile a lot, but those were shams compared to the one he wears as he tends to his mushrooms. Gone is the calculated sharpness in his eyes, replaced instead with a warm, genuine glow, his lips curving gently. It’s... nice to see.

You’re so distracted by Jade’s happiness that you forget to duck and hide when he turns, basket of mushrooms in hand, to exit the Botanical Garden. His eyes turn suspicious, and he asks how long you’ve been standing there and snooping.

You scramble for a response, but finally settle on the one that’s least likely to get you mauled: “I just came in a few seconds ago.”

It’s a crappy lie, but the answer seems to superficially placate Jade. He still has his eyes narrowed at you, and his usual fake smile upon his lips. “That is a relief. Had you been lingering for much longer than that, I would have had to take care of you.”

... It sounds like a joke, but knowing him, it could very well not be one.

#twst #twisted wonderland #Jade Leech #disney twisted wonderland #curiouser and curiouser #twisted wonderland requests #twisted wonderland headcanons #Reader #self insert

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bobathirstaccount · 2 years

Text

Habits

Boba x fem!reader, pure smut

Here’s another shorty. I have a loooong fic I am debating posting here… it is 21k. Sooo… idk. Feeling annoyed and uninspired to write. I feel like BoBF didn’t give me the material I was hoping for. Anyways thanks for the love and attention on my fics… sooo appreciated. Want me to write something specific? Lmk, I have done a few requests before and they were fun… the inspiration would be awesome 🤎🤎🧋

TW: unprotected sex, mention of recreational drug use

***

You danced around the fire you had set in the desert. Shadows licked at Slave 1’s sides. The starlight shone on your skin; you had shed your jacket. You felt free in the moonlight. You had a habit of letting the night bring out your wilder side.

You heard someone coming down the gangway. You turned, expecting it to be Fennec with a bottle of spotchka. Instead it was Boba. Your eyes widened. You had little dealings with him, despite your curiosity.

“Disappointed?” He asked.

You shook your head, “Only surprised.”

He walked up to the fire. “Do you mind the company?”

You stood there, staring at each other across the flames for a beat. You smiled, “Not at all.” You licked your lips and continued to dance, aware he was watching you. He sat down and produced a bottle of fire whiskey. You dropped down next to him, expectantly. He smiled and offered you the bottle. You took a swig and passed it back, settling in next to him.

“What’re you doing out here?” He took a swig.

“Just trying to find some inner peace or whatever.”

He nodded, “Hard to do sometimes.” He eyed you then. “Are you... on something other than fire whiskey?”

You laughed, “Yes. Just some shrooms. They make me feel more grounded. Just a silly habit. But I’m coming down.” You spread your fingers in the sand. He watched you, smiling softly. You laid back in the sand, and he joined you. You silently passed the bottle back and forth. After awhile, your rolled over on top of him, straddling his hips. You had a crazy idea that was probably at least 50% influenced by the shrooms. You felt loose and free. “You wanna feel what love is like?” You bent to whisper into his ear. Your fingers trailed over his chest, offering him more. He looked down at them and back up at you. His hands came to your face unexpectedly. He drew you to him and kissed you softly, fingers splaying over your face. You sighed softly, enjoying the contact. “Dunno if I deserve that,” he responded finally.

You licked his lips, impatient. He bit your lip lightly. You moaned and slid down his body until you were grinding on his already hard cock. You sat up and removed your sweater and shirt. His hands explored your torso, landing on your breasts. You grinned and undid your bra. He moved his hands, letting it fall away. You ground down on him, enjoying the feeling of his erection poking at your pussy. His hands went to your thighs, gripping you tightly. You drug your fingernails down his chest to his pants. Undoing them, you pulled out his cock. He slowly undid your pants, stopping to look up at you. You rolled off and kicked your boots and pants off. You returned to his lap wearing nothing. He hmmmed approvingly, returning his hands to your upper legs.

You lifted yourself up a bit, using your right hand to position him at your entrance. You nuzzled his cock into your wet pussy lips. He inhaled sharply. You slid down onto him slowly, feeling him stretch you out. Your walls fluttered around him, making you moan softly. He bucked his hips up into you, groaning. You started to fuck him, agonizingly slowly for both of you. You bent over and kissed his lips softly. You ran your right hand lightly down the side of his face, kissing him again. You cooed sweet nothings into his ear. His eyes were hooded as he rubbed your hips with his hands, kneading your curves slightly.

You continued to fuck him slowly, building tension lazily. You could feel his breathing becoming faster and uneven. His hands dug into your sides. You kissed the scars on his face and started to fuck down on him harder. He gave a long, low moan. You smiled to yourself, panting. The friction of his cock sliding in and out of you was becoming overwhelming. You let out a small cry, sitting back up. He reached up and grabbed one of your tits. He started to fuck up into you greedily. It made your throat dry and your pussy start to clutch. You made a small strangled noise and increased the intensity of your fucking slightly.

You looked down at him. He was lost in desire, watching your body move over him. You upped the intensity of your fucking, starting to bounce on him. He grunted, closing his eyes and slightly opening his mouth. You started to roll your hips in circular motions while you fucked him. He moaned quietly, “You’re gonna make me cum.”

“Good,” you whispered, continuing to fuck him. He tried to get you to stop, but you ignored him. “Cum in me,” you panted. He growled then, gripping your hips tightly. He jackhammered up into you, making you call out. You held onto his shoulders to steady yourself. You adjusted your hips slightly so he was hitting your g spot. It instantly made you cum, your legs shaking and turning to jelly. You called out to him, calling him all sorts of sweet things. He groaned loudly and thrust up into you, stilling. You felt him cumming in you. Your walls contracted around him. It was his turn to call out.

You collapsed over him, laying on top of him. You felt his chest rise and fall as his breathing returned to normal. He started to rub your back gently. You smiled and closed your eyes. “Why did I get so lucky?” He asked. “Was it the shrooms?”

You laughed into his chest. “Not really.” You paused. “I... just like you. You have good energy.”  ”Do I?”

“Yeah.” You played with the fabric of his shirt. “You ever just had something feel right?”  “Yes.” He seemed to consider. ”Just didn’t think it would feel right with me.”

You smiled, “Why not?”

“I’m not exactly... in my prime.”

You snorted, “You make me feel like I want to hold you and be held by you.“

He continued to rub your back lightly, “Wanna make it a habit?”

#boba x you #boba fett x you #boba x reader #boba fett x reader #boba fett x female reader #boba fett x f!reader

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nostalgiabones · 3 years

Text

It’s been a little while since I posted writing and I’ve been feeling uninspired recently, so I thought I’d just finish a little blurb I started a a while ago! Happy New Year — I hope everyone had a lovely, safe time celebrating 🥺🥰

Word count — 989

Content warnings — pregnancy

“I think your pregnancy hormones have transferred to me,”

Luke’s voice is a quiet grumble, one you barely make out in your sleeping state. Your eyes flutter for a moment and the room is dark; the sun has set. You swear it was daylight when you fell asleep. You shift in his hold, cuddling into the warmth of his body and burying your face in his neck.

“It’s dark,” You whisper, knowing you’ve both slept for much longer than you intended to. Luke chuckles at your words, a yawn escaping as his fingertips trail up and down your back. “How long have we been asleep for?”

“No idea,” He replies, feeling around the bed behind him for his phone so he can check the time. “It was a good nap though, without that annoying thing.”

Luke gestures to the large, oddly shaped pregnancy pillow set at the end of your bed, thrown out of the way when you had laid down next to him. It had taken Luke’s place in the bed, creating a border between the two of you as you sleep, to take the pressure away from your back. Luke hated how whenever he reached out for you in the night, it got in the way — so he took every chance he could to sleep next to you without it being there.

“It helps me,” You pout, and Luke laughs, his lips brushing against yours to stop you from pouting at him.

“I know. I just miss holding you,” He replies, shifting so you were laid against him, your bump resting on his own stomach like it would on the cushion. His hand rests over the middle of your bump, feeling for the soft rolls and kicks that he loves so much. He doesn’t feel any, though, and knows the baby must have fallen asleep with the two of you. “Bubs is taking a nap too, huh?”

You nod, your own hand resting on one side of your bump. “I think so, must’ve been tired from all the not sleeping they did last night.”

“Come on bubba, wakey wakey,” Luke teases, his fingertips lightly brushing over your stomach to rouse them. “You’ve slept enough now, nap time is over.”

You laugh at his words, waiting to see if the baby would listen. You love hearing how soft his tone is with your bump, how he’s so gentle. “Hmm, I don’t know if they’re ready to wake up yet.”

Luke doesn’t give up though, his hands not leaving your bump — one smoothing over the skin in soft circles, poking different places to see if you’d get a response. “You think he’s annoying now, bubs? Wait until you’re born.”

“Hey,” He frowns, resting his head on your shoulder so he can look at your bump, waiting for the baby to show some signs of being awake. His own eyes are heavy with sleep, his sleep tousled curls tickling your jaw as he lays on you. “Don’t listen to her, I’m not annoying.”

“We’ll let them be the judge of that when they’re out,” You reply, resting your head against his. The two of you bask in the serene feeling of the room, now softly lit with a golden glow from the lamp next to Luke’s side of the bed. “Have you had anymore thoughts on names?”

He hums in acknowledgment, wracking his sleepy mind for the list he had begun in the notes on his phone. It was changing everyday, more names being added, some being deleted. He didn’t let you see until he was sure he liked it. “I think Delilah is pretty, if it’s a girl.”

You smile at the suggestion, Delilah being a name that had come up a few times in your recent discussions. “I think that can definitely stay on the list.”

Your sentence is almost cut off, and even Luke lets out a “woah” when you feel a sharp kick against one side of your bump. Luke’s face immediately lights up at the sight, his gaze softening at the interaction between the baby and you. Sometimes he struggles to believe there’s really a baby growing inside of you, your baby -- that he’ll get to love and cherish forever.

“Looks like someone decided to wake up, huh?” Luke laughs softly, his fingertips soothing the spot. It’s then he realises what he just said, that seemed to wake the baby up too. “Or maybe they like the name too.”

“Maybe so,” You ponder, your hand pushing Luke’s hair away from his face and gently sliding through the soft curls, like silk against your fingers. It’s not long before the baby is kicking up a storm, and Luke almost feels bad for wanting them to wake up. As uncomfortable as it could be, you’d never take it for granted - it’s a sign that the baby is okay. “Well, I had a few hours of peace I guess.”

You shift in the bed, feeling the ache in your back at being laid still for too long. Luke notices, and playfully sighs in defeat at the sight. “So I’m no replacement for the cushion?”

He helps you sit up and brushes a kiss to your cheek, one hand moving to rest on your lower back.

“Only a few more months until it’s gone, babe.” You remind him, met with a jokey eyeroll as he moves the firm yet soft material from his side of the bed. “And then you’ll have a baby taking your place instead.”

Luke is hit with the realisation again that you and him will really have a baby, and it makes his heart skip a beat when he thinks about it. He’s so excited to see what they look like, if they have his nose, or your lips, and to hold them in his arms. He knows he’ll never want to let them go.

“I think I can get used to that.”

***

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#I feel like i've really lost my spark with writing but #hopefully you like this!#luke hemmings blurbs #5sos blurbs #5sos blurb #dad!5sos blurb #dad!5sos blurbs #dadsos blurbs #dadsos #dad!5sos #dad!luke blurbs #mywriting #myblurbs #luke hemmings x reader

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k-s-morgan · 4 years

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Will’s vs. Hannibal’s Ways of Expressing Love

The fact that Hannibal loves Will and is in love with him is openly stated in the show several times. Will’s feelings, on the other hand, are more ambiguous, which is why some viewers often doubt whether Hannibal’s love is reciprocated. I think that exploring the ways these two men experience and react to love can explain the varying degrees of their openness about it.

I’ll put TLDR right here: Hannibal is more open about himself and his feelings, including love, hence he doesn’t have many challenges with admitting it. Will is closed off, stiff, and emotionally repressed, so he expresses his feelings in a much more subtle way.

Let’s start with Hannibal. Details about his past are scarce, but we know that he admits to loving two people throughout his life, his sister and Will.

E3 of S3.

*Bedelia: What your sister made you feel was beyond your conscious ability to control or predict … I would suggest what Will Graham makes you feel is not dissimilar. A force of mind and circumstance.*

*Hannibal: Love.*

Undoubtedly, Hannibal’s love for Mischa was traumatic and unhealthy. He loved her so much that he ate a part of her body after she was killed, devastated by this loss. But it was still love that made him feel all the related emotions, so Hannibal has some experience with it. From what we know of him, he has a very broad mind. He despises limitations and overcomes them, and he is not ashamed of who he is. He isn’t embarrassed to cry in the opera or to be the first to stand up and applaud; he delights in stereotypically ‘feminine’ hobbies like cooking and clothes selection; he draws fan-art and openly expresses his admiration when it’s due. For this reason, Hannibal doesn’t have many problems with expressing love either.

Upon meeting Will, he is immediately drawn to him. He sees him as his potential partner and decides he wants to try and build a family with him as early as E2 of S1. That’s when he starts planting the idea of Abigail being their shared daughter in Will’s mind. He does the same to Abigail, urging her to see him and Will as her parents, even giving her shrooms to evoke the desired associations (unsuccessfully since Will doesn’t come to dinner). So, Hannibal acknowledged his pull/infatuation with Will from the very start, and he acted on it right away.

It’s not 100% love at this point, but Hannibal still easily follows his emotions. He doesn’t stop to consider how strange it is to want a family with a man he just met; he doesn’t agonize over the idea of how his life has more risks now that he allows another human being to know him. When these feelings progress at the end of S1/start of S2, Hannibal is finally taken aback. While he never planned to leave Will in prison and it was a part of his plan, he still didn’t expect to miss him so much — he admits it to Bedelia, looking forlorn, in E1 of S2. He repeatedly pines for Will by sitting in front of his chair at the time of his supposed appointment, glancing at the clock despite knowing Will is not going to come. This is a shift to an actual love, but Hannibal still doesn’t fight it. On the contrary, he embraces it, and he spends the entire S2 doing repeatedly romantic gestures for Will. Namely:

1) Protects Abigail to reunite Will with her later.

2) Shares a part of himself he doesn’t seem to have ever shared with anyone else. He talks to Will about Mischa, reveals his views on murder and God, acknowledges he cared about Abigail, and shows vulnerability. He shares his teacup ritual with him, which is something precious and deeply personal.

3) He digs up fake Freddie’s corpse and decorates it as a way of courting Will (as directly said by Alana).

4) He draws a fan-art of himself and Will as Achilles and Patroclus.

5) He is ready to abandon his well-established life in Baltimore and reputation to run away with Will. In Hannibal’s view, no one truly suspects him and there is no evidence against him, but Will is in danger. So he’s willing to discard everything he’s been building for 20 years for him.

Finally, he calls Will a loved one more or less directly in E13 of S2 (in fact, he implies that they both love each other).

*Hannibal: Do you know what an imago is, Will? … An imago is an image of a loved one buried in the unconscious, carried with us all our lives.*

*Will: An ideal.*

*Hannibal: The concept of an ideal... I have a concept of you, just as you have a concept of me.*

Will hurts him with his betrayal, and Hannibal still finds himself unable to kill him. He is openly crying in the finale, admitting how Will hurt him, breaks his (and his own) heart by killing Abigail, and flees to Europe to start a new life. But things don’t go as he hoped they would. Bedelia is not a worthy substitute, and Hannibal is increasingly slipping into a self-destructive state because of his love for Will. He kills Anthony, who was an improved copy of Will, and turns him into a Valentine heart for him. Again, this is a very explicit and open emotional action. Hannibal doesn’t hide his feelings. He’s an emotional wreck with Bedelia in E3, and as they are talking about Will, he admits he’s in love with him.

*Hannibal: You cannot control with respect to whom you fall in love.*

Bedelia points out his self-destructiveness.

*Bedelia: You're going to get caught. It's already been set into motion … I know exactly how I will be navigating my way out of whatever it is I’ve gotten myself into. Do you?*

After Hannibal keeps spiraling and kills Sogliato, she adds: *You're drawing them to you, aren't you? All of them.*

Hannibal gets so self-destructive over Will that he lets Jack beat himself almost to death, not even attempting to fight him. The first words he says to Will after they reunite in E6 are:

*Hannibal: If I saw you every day forever, Will, I would remember this time.*

He’s a romantic. The courtship, the Valentine heart, the romance — Hannibal did have some struggles, but overall, he accepts these feelings and isn’t afraid to act on them.

When Will pulls a knife in E6, Hannibal classifies it as another betrayal. This is where he decides to kill and eat him in the hope to put an end to this misery (which is what he and Bedelia discussed back in E3). However, even blinded by another heartbreak, Hannibal tries to save Will at the same time. He knows the police are coming and he puts off the moment of sawing for as long as he can, first fussing over Will and his wound, then waiting for Jack, then doing everything slowly as hell.

Everything changes in E7, when Hannibal faces the real risk of losing Will and comes to terms with the fact that a hope of life with him is better than life without him. So Hannibal carries Will home bridal-style, takes care of him, waits for him to wake up and writes formulas to reverse time. He directly tells Will that Will won, and that he, Hannibal, is at Will’s mercy.

*Hannibal: Your memory palace is building. It's full of new things. It shares some rooms with my own. I've discovered you there. Victorious.*

He gives himself up, sacrificing the freedom he’s been fighting for back in E2 finale, in the hope that one day, Will is going to come back to him. After this, Hannibal is all about Will, with all his heart. Throughout the second half of S3, he says things like, *“I gave you a child. You are family, Will. Was it good to see me?”*, etc. He agrees to risk his life by agreeing to Will’s plan, knowing he’s planning something but not knowing what and if he’d die in the process. In E13, Hannibal says:

*Hannibal: "No greater love hath man than to lay down his life for a friend"* and shields Will from the bullet. Later, he allows Will to push them both down, and he stays with him afterward.

Conclusion: Hannibal is very accepting of himself, so he doesn’t undergo severe challenges on the path to acknowledging what he feels for Will. He knows what love feels like because he felt it for Mischa before, so he embraces loving Will pretty quickly, even though he doesn’t know how to best approach it at times. That’s why we get direct and explicit confirmation of his feelings several times.

Now, on to Will.

Unlike with Hannibal, there is no evidence that Will has ever experienced love before (at least love for people). We know he had a father and was lonely as a child.

E4 of S1.

*Will: We were poor. I followed my father from the boat yards in Biloxi and Greenville to lake boats on Erie.*

*Hannibal: Always the new boy at school? Always the stranger?*

*Will: Always.*

His choice of words indicates that his relationship with his father wasn’t all that good (for instance, *I followed my father* instead of *My father and I had to…*). So, it doesn’t look like Will ever had meaningful connections. More than that, he says:

*Will: There’s something so foreign about family. Like an ill-fitting suit. Never connected to the concept.*

We can suggest that he doesn’t know what love is or how it feels like. From E1, we know he isolates himself because he hates himself for who he is: he understands he’s different, that there is darkness in him, but he desperately tries to subdue it and deny this fact. He’s rude, twitchy, and unhappy, but like Hannibal, he understands the extent of his loneliness only upon meeting him. That’s when he tries forming relationships with others.

Will’s relationships with Alana and Abigail are a good indication of his problems with love. He wants to be with Alana because he needs to feel normal. In 99% of cases, he remembers about her only when she comes to seek him out first. He kisses her for the first time at the moment of particular vulnerability, fearing that he’s finally losing his mind (in E8). When Hannibal calls him out on it, Will doesn’t deny it and semi-nods. He actually had to agree with it verbally according to the script.

*Will: I feel unstable.*

*Hannibal: That’s why you kissed her. A clutch for balance.*

*Will: Because I’m losing mine.*

So, it’s not that Will feels romantic love for Alana — he uses her because he desperately needs to feel like everyone else. Alana is a pretty, smart, normal woman who fits this goal perfectly. He doesn’t allow himself to be genuine with her unlike he does with Hannibal, to whom he opens up.

Will confesses to Hannibal that he loved killing Hobbs in E2, which got him down and made him panic. Hannibal supports him, and Will keeps coming back to him. He talks about everything important with Hannibal, opening parts of himself that he guards from everyone else. Will asks Hannibal to look after his dogs as early as E4 — he doesn’t have other friends, and he’s already focused on Hannibal. He buys into an idea of having a family with him and Abigail, which is amazing for Will, who has just said he could never relate to the concept of family.

When Will buys a gift for Abigail in the same E4 and freaks out, Hannibal asks him:

*Hannibal: Feeling paternal, Will?*

Will’s reaction is instant and defensive:

*Will: Aren’t you?*

Hannibal easily says “yes”, which disarms Will. This is a great contrast between them: Hannibal isn’t afraid to talk and acknowledge his feelings while Will is embarrassed of them and shies away from them. In fact, this is a repeat of their conversation in E2.

*Hannibal: You saved Abigail Hobbs' life. You also orphaned her. It comes with certain emotional obligations.*

*Will: You were there. You saved her life, too. Do you feel obligated?*

Again, Will deflects. He’s wary of emotions, especially of admitting them out loud.

Will shows a hint of romantic interest in Hannibal in E7. He brings him a bottle of wine out of blue, but unfortunately, he stumbles upon the party Hannibal is preparing. Hannibal invites him to stay, but Will says he won’t be good company. He’s shy and awkward, smiling nervously and dropping his gaze in embarrassment. Then we have this lovely line:

*Will: I’ve got a date with the Chesapeake Ripper.*

So, in S1, Will makes considerable emotional progress. He realizes he wants a family after all, and while he makes several half-hearted attempts to court Alana, he’s mostly focused on Hannibal and Abigail. He opens himself up to Hannibal, receives official guardianship over Abigail with him, arguably flirts with Hannibal (like in the wine scene above), and covers up murder to protect their family. But then Hannibal betrays him. Will doesn’t know his reasons yet, but this betrayal plunged him into darkness, bitterness, and new stage of emotional repression. It’s worth mentioning another point of Abigail here: in the end, Will doesn’t know her. He spoke to her only several times, and even fewer times were genuine. He loves the idea of her, and this idea was introduced by Hannibal, not by Abigail’s presence. It’s Hannibal who forced Will to confront his need to love and be loved.

In S2, Will is incredibly conflicted. He acknowledges to Hannibal that he hurt him, tries to kill him via Matthew, but when he recognizes that Hannibal wants him as a friend (as spoken in E7), his attitude changes. Will doesn’t plan to forgive him, he’s still angry at Hannibal for killing Abigail (which is his biggest conflict, as evident from his talks with Hannibal himself and Freddie), but now, he can’t bring himself to harm or betray Hannibal.

He gets his first chance in E7, after being released from prison. He threatens Hannibal with a gun and has a perfect chance to make him pay, but he doesn’t. Instead, he conspires with Jack and decides to cultivate co-dependency, creating an environment where only he “and the fish exist” (E8). What does Will do to start? He makes himself physically attractive, grooming and dressing prettily. It’s a seduction on all levels, and Will plans to use emotions to hurt Hannibal back. At the same time, Will admits to being confused over what he feels for Hannibal.

E8 of S2.

*Will: I envy you your hate. Makes it much easier when you know how to feel.*

E9 of S2 (talking about trying to kill Hannibal with Margot).

*Margot: Did he have it coming?*

*Will: What do you think?*

*Margot: I can't say that I know.*

*Will: Neither can I.*

He spends the rest of the season lying to both Hannibal and Jack, unsure whose side to choose, too lost in his own feelings to make sense of them. At the same time, he has a dream where Hannibal calls him beloved in E9. It shows that Will contemplates the idea of love in relation to Hannibal. In E10, Will tries to fantasize about Alana as he’s having sex with Margot. However, he sees the image of Wendigo near the fireplace, Wendigo who he’s used to associating with Hannibal. Two interesting things (copied from my other meta): first, Will actually sees Hannibal’s room and consequently, he sees himself in it (or he sees their rooms united). Second, he sees the Wendigo near Hannibal’s fireplace. Fireplace has many meanings, including passion, sexuality, home, family, and resurrection. It emphasizes the sexual and romantic subtext of this uniquely shot scene, where people destined to be together have sex with the wrong partners. Will’s vision begins to contract, focusing on Wendigo: he is having an orgasm at this very moment, imagining the Wendigo’s face very close, approaching him. Still through the misty eyes, he tries to focus on Alana again, but his gaze moves up to Wendigo above her, as if he can’t help himself. He and Hannibal reach orgasm first, with Alana and Margot following them. So, Will dragged Hannibal into his sex fantasy. It’s both symbolic and physical: he tried to imagine Alana just like he tried to have a relationship with her before, in S1, out of his desire to be normal. But his attention is inevitably drawn to Hannibal, who’s his “real deal”.

Based on this scene, it’s underlined once again how Will struggles with emotions. Even in the safety of his own mind, in his own fantasy, he tries to think of Alana but still ends up with Hannibal. Will is always fighting himself and who he is. He refuses to accept his darkness just as he refuses to admit he loves Hannibal. It’s the essence of who he is, denial is his second name.

Among the important moments, there are Will’s words to Hannibal:

*Will: You are right. We are just alike. You are as alone as I am. And we are both alone without each other.*

So, Will accepts the bond with Hannibal, and at this stage, he even has the courage to voice some of his emotional thoughts. His progress is slow, but it’s there.

In E11, Will has a nightmare. He sees a burning corpse of ‘Freddie’ in a wheelchair, a symbol of his betrayal of Hannibal, and he hears his own increasing screaming. It’s easy to interpret, knowing the context: Will feels guilty for lying to Hannibal.

When Margot loses her child, Will feels renewed anger at Hannibal. He fantasizes about killing him and gets to realize his fantasy with Mason’s help in E12. But at the last moment, Will changes his mind and chooses Hannibal. He does the same thing in E13 by calling him. When he sees him, he doesn’t even try to point a gun at him: he asks why he didn’t leave as he was supposed to, and he even leans forward to accept the knife, accept the punishment for betrayal.

So, Will chooses Hannibal over Abigail, for whom he wanted justice; over his and Margot’s child, for whom he wanted revenge; over Jack and Alana, who were his only semblance of friends; over his own confusion and desire to be normal. For someone as emotionally stunted as Will, it’s huge. It proves that he loves Hannibal and is willing to compromise all other relationships he has formed as well his own beliefs for him (while Will is dark, he tries to fight it because he doesn’t think people like them are normal). Is it romantic? Will’s dream with the word “beloved” and his sex fantasy, as well as his acceptance of the idea that he and Hannibal were Abigail’s fathers (which makes them partners) imply that yes, romantic feeling is a part of it.

Hannibal’s romantic feelings became explicit in S3, and so did Will’s. But since Hannibal is more open and self-accepting, his were discussed out loud while Will’s were mostly portrayed silently, implied, and alluded to.

Will builds a boat to sail and find Hannibal, which is pretty romantic by itself. He spends his time in Hannibal’s house, in the kitchen where their bloody break-up happened, imagining Abigail near him. When Alana comes to find him, he asks her to leave. He’s cold and indifferent toward her — she’s not what he wants, and he’s not interested in even friendship with her. All he wants is to mourn his lost family with Hannibal and Abigail. Again, Hannibal is Will’s priority.

Will imagines his perfect world as the one where he and Hannibal killed Jack together. This scene is intercut with his Mizumono memories, namely, with Hannibal's face that emerges every time he moves yet another part of the engine. This is a vivid demonstration of Will trying to repair what is now broken. When Jack asks him why he called him, Will is indifferent and genuine:

*Will: I wasn't decided when I called him. I just called him. I deliberated while the phone rang. I decided when I heard his voice … I told him to leave. I wanted him to run … Because he was my friend. And because I wanted to run away with him.*

That’s a big admission for Will. This is the first time he openly acknowledges Hannibal as his friend in front of another person. Chilton calls Will and Hannibal’s interactions a “flirtation” in this episode, which once again points us in the romantic direction.

The entire E2 of S3 is dedicated to Will’s love for Hannibal, where he argues about it with himself in the form of imaginary Abigail. This is another proof of Will’s problem with emotions in general and emotions for Hannibal in particular. He can’t just think to himself as normal people do — no, he can’t admit how much he loves Hannibal this. Instead, he imagines Abigail and talks to himself through her to make it easier. He berates himself for lying.

*Will/Abigail: We were all supposed to leave together. He made a place for us. Why did you lie to him? He gave you a chance to take it all back, and you just kept lying.*

Will is reverent about Hannibal; he keeps talking about him over and over again.

*Will: This isn't Hannibal, it's just where he begins. Beyond this, far and complex, light and dark, is the vast structure of his mind. A thousand rooms, miles of corridors. Everything he remembers, wonderfully and fearfully reconstructed.*

Will goes as far as lies at the place where Hannibal’s Valentine heart for him was, reconstructing this image and trying to feel close to him. The heart comes to life the moment Will touches it, which is romantic. Will says:

*Will: A valentine written on a broken man … I do feel closer to Hannibal here. God only knows where I would be without him … He left us his broken heart … He misses us.*

He looks on the verge of tears, so Hannibal’s gift touched him. Will is overcome by emotions. At this very moment, his more frightened side suggests that Hannibal is also playing with him.

*Will: Hannibal follows several trains of thought at once without distraction from any, and one of the trains is always for his own amusement.*

We know it’s not the case, especially here, but Will has trust issues and a low self-esteem. He’s worried that Hannibal’s feelings for him aren’t as strong as he thinks they are, which is why he’s not sure how to react himself. He asks himself, *“You still want to go with him?”* and replies, *“Yes.” He wonders about what life they’d have if they left.

*Will: What if no one died? What if we all left together? Like we were supposed to. After he served the lamb. Where would we have gone? … In some other world.*

Pazzi comes and tells Will that he hopes they’ll catch Hannibal together.

*Will: What makes you think I want to catch him?*

Later, Pazzi says:

*Pazzi: He let you know him. He sent you his heart.*

E2 ends with Will scaring Pazzi and telling him, *“You don’t know whose side I’m on.* Then he tells Hannibal he forgives him, which is also a huge step in his direction.

This entire episode proves that yes, Will loves Hannibal. Considering how he isn’t awkward from receiving a Valentine or hearing that Hannibal gave him his heart, Will shares the romantic aspect of Hannibal’s feelings for him. He regrets not running away with him and their daughter, he places himself on the floor where the heart was to feel closer to him — this is such a rich romantic subtext that it’s practically text. Especially for Will, who remains so conflicted and emotionally restrained all the time.

Will’s attitude changes after seeing Chiyoh. He becomes more bitter. Considering how dark he is in these scenes and how he constantly compares himself and Chiyoh, he likely sees her as someone Hannibal was supposed to love but easily abandoned. It makes Will draw the parallels between them, and he starts to doubt that Hannibal loves him, that his “broken heart” has any authentic meaning. That’s where he starts thinking about killing Hannibal again. He still says:

*Will: I’ve never known myself as well as I know myself when I’m with him.*

This line also speaks volumes. Hannibal gave Will a precious gift of understanding himself; he showed that he could accept him, and Will is drawn to it. Will admits the depth of their connection to yet another person. Then he makes a firefly from Chiyoh’s prisoner, a tribute that is clearly done with Hannibal in his mind, considering the style and the central topic.

Chiyoh sees right through Will’s emotional constipation. She implies that he should “kiss” Hannibal rather than keep being “violent”:

*Chiyoh: I told you, there are means of influence other than violence.*

She kisses Will then, thus showing him what others means exist. He doesn’t get it, though, since he responds to her kiss despite not feeling anything for her, and she pushes him off the train, likely admitting he’s a hopeless case.

Meeting Jack, Will tells him that a part of him will always want to leave with Hannibal. This is yet another declaration from him. Will isn’t scared of the consequences — he speaks of his feelings openly now. It’s a great development of his character.

But the feeling of doubt about Hannibal likely resurfaces further after Will sees that Hannibal replaced him and Abigail with Bedelia in E6 (hence his hatred for her since that moment). He mocks her alibi and then leaves to reunite with Hannibal. The following moment was deleted, but it still discloses some of Will’s romantic feelings:

*Will: I looked up at the night sky there. Orion above the horizon and, near it, Jupiter. I wondered if you could see it, too. I wondered if our stars were the same.*

From the words that did get into the episode:

*Will: You and I have begun to blur ... We're conjoined. Curious if either of us can survive separation.*

Will doesn’t just admit the bond between them, he elevates it the level of soulmates, implying they are one and the same. It’s also a declaration of love in his language. But love doesn’t stop Will from being vindictive, hurt, and angry, so after meetings with Chiyoh and Bedelia that affected his perception, he pulls out a knife as he and Hannibal are walking together.

There is a brain-sawing disaster after this and E7, where Will looks done and tired from the madness and his constant attempts to figure Hannibal out. He does bite Cordell before looking at Hannibal, seeking his approval; he uses “we” pronouns when speaking about Hannibal with Alana. One example:

*Will: You helped Mason Verger find us.*

So, he still sees himself and Hannibal as a team, but he’s still tired and bitter, so after everything is over, he hurts Hannibal by saying he doesn’t share his appetite and by attacking him emotionally.

*Will: I miss my dogs. I'm not going to miss you. I'm not going to find you. I'm not going to look for you. I don't want to know where you are or what you do. I don't want to think about you anymore.*

This is all personal and emotional. It sounds like a break-up, which is exactly how Bryan Fuller and others referred to it. When Hannibal leaves and Jacks arrives, Will puts on his glasses, an indication that he’s hiding again.

Fast-forward 3 years. Will is married now, but from the very start, we see that this marriage isn’t all people usually expect it to be. The first scene shows the family apart. Molly and Walter have gone fishing, which is something Will loves. He had dreams about teaching Abigail how to fish, but he doesn’t go to do that with his family, preferring to stay alone instead. It’s the first hint that his heart isn’t in this relationship, that he’s too hung up on the past to move forward and make new happy memories.

Jack came to drag him to Dragon’s case, and Will makes it look like he’s reluctant. At the same time, he doesn’t send Jack away, even though we know from the past that he has no qualms being frank when he wants to. More than that, he asks him not to show pics to Molly, but when they have dinner, Will deliberately leaves the house with Walter, leaving Jack and Molly together. At night, when Molly’s asleep, he crawls out of bed and goes to read Hannibal’s letter. He doesn’t tell the truth to Molly about himself and his dark urges, about everything he has done – Molly clearly has no idea who he truly is, considering how she jokes about his ‘criminal mind’ in later episodes and how Will immediately closes himself off from her. He never initiates physical touches with her; he doesn’t return her “I love you”, which is an even bigger indication of his lack of commitment. Will is emotionally stiff with Molly for the most part, and the only times he laughs with her or shows any emotion is when they are talking about superficial stuff in the former case and when he’s furious after Francis’ attack in the latter one. Other than that, there is no closeness or honesty.

Another point of Will’s inability to express or even give his love to someone is in his scene with Walter in E11. This child, his step-son, has just been attacked by a serial killer with his mother. His mother was hurt and they barely escaped. Will doesn’t hug him or offer him paternal emotional comfort; he’s very awkward. All he says is, “You're both safe here,” which is something an officer might say but not a father. Will was much more emotional in his fantasies about Abigail.

This is what Will says about Walter’s reaction to Jack:

*Will: He read about me in a Freddie Lounds article. I had to justify myself to an eleven year old.*

He’s resentful and not emotional. He doesn’t say, “I had to justify myself to my son!” – he distances himself from him. Will is cold. He has expressed his feelings for Hannibal at this point in rather poetic ways, but he can’t be bothered to do this for his wife and his son.

He treats Hannibal in a very reserved fashion too, in comparison to how he acted 3 years ago. However: first, there is the fact that he came to visit him in the first place. Will didn’t need his help, we saw very clearly how he managed to easily reconstruct the crime scene the night before. It proved that his mindset is in a good shape, so he didn’t need Hannibal’s assistance. But it’s Hannibal he requested to see right away.

Will distances himself from him by calling him “Doctor Lecter” and insisting that he’s more comfortable the less personal they are. His eyes glisten, though, and he can’t look away from Hannibal. The impersonal approach doesn’t last very long, too, and soon, they are talking like they always did. Hannibal accuses Will of marrying for false reasons.

*Hannibal: How did you choose yours? Readymade wife and child to serve your needs. A stepson or daughter. A stepson absolves you of any biological blame. You know better than to breed. Can't pass on those terrible traits you fear the most.*

Will doesn’t bother to deny it, though any man would have been offended, particularly if he truly loved his family. In Will’s case, from the experience and all the precedents, silence = agreement.

In E10, Will seeks Bedelia out. He acts catty and jealous, targeting her personal connection with Hannibal.

*Will: You didn't lose yourself, Bedelia, you just crawled so far up his ass you couldn't be bothered.* - personal, targeted against Bedelia's attachment to Hannibal.

*Will: You hitched your star to a man commonly known as a monster. You're the Bride of Frankenstein.* - personal, attack with romantic connotation. Bedelia catches up on it and mocks him:

*Bedelia: We've both been his bride. Have you been to see him?*

*Will: Yes.*

*Bedelia: Haven't learned anything, have you? Or did you just miss him that much?*

*Will: Have you been to see him?* - personal again. Will wants to know if Bedelia is keeping contact with Hannibal.

*Bedelia: I've seen enough of him. I was with him behind the veil. You were always on the other side.*

*Will: Something we should talk about.* - again, personal. It's all personal, which is why Bryan and Hugh called them Hannibal's jealous bitchy exes. Will is palpably jealous and he shows his resentment to Bedelia openly.

Later, we have some more romantic references.

*Bedelia: My relationship with Hannibal is not as passionate as yours. You are here visiting old flame. Is your wife aware of how intimately you and Hannibal know each other? … Your experience of Hannibal’s attention is so profoundly harmful yet so irresistible, it undermines your ability to think rationally.*

So, there is romantic text, parallels between Hannibal and Will’s wife, and Will doesn’t deny any of this again. He keeps coming to Bedelia because she’s the only person he can talk about Hannibal to without being watched.

After Hannibal sends Francis after Molly and Walter, Will spends about a minute being angry with him. Then he accuses Hannibal of staging a competition between him and Francis. It is startling: Will spent months, years mourning the loss of Abigail who he didn’t even really know personally, yet he forgets the gravity of what happened to his wife and won very quickly. He leaves Molly and Walter and tells Bedelia that they are finished. One traumatic event, and Will left. It coincides with something very important that happened here: after this, Will finally figures out Hannibal is truly in love with him. So he goes to Bedelia to discuss it with her.

*Will: Is Hannibal in love with me?*

*Bedelia: Could he daily feel a stab of hunger for you, and find nourishment at the very sight of you? Yes. But do you ache for him?*

Will is predictably silent. Obviously, if the answer was no, he would have said no. But he struggles because like we established, he has issues with expressing emotions. He only managed to start referring to Hannibal as his friend openly in this season, opening up about some of his feelings, but he’s not ready to go this far. It would be absolutely out of character for Will to say, “Yes, you know, I’m in love with him! Thanks for helping me see it.” Every confession Will makes is preceded by struggles and heartbreak. But he’s going to reply to Bedelia’s question, only not explicitly-verbally.

Will sets up Chilton and then comes to allegedly say good-bye to Hannibal. He lies several times in their conversation (about Chilton and Molly with Walter), so all his words are automatically suspicious. Regardless, he destroys Hannibal emotionally and walks away. Personally, I believe he was already planning to break him out, so he was playing it up for cameras and also taking a chance to hurt Hannibal for everything again. But whatever his plan was, what happens next is that Will conspires with Francis against Jack, Alana, and the FBI. They agree to break Hannibal out together. Will lies to Jack and then gets to ask Hannibal for help. He’s being flirty and manipulative in this scene.

*Will: I need you, Hannibal … You're our best shot, Hannibal. Please.*

He’s smirking, he leans close to Hannibal, he sends him a flirty look from under his eyelashes. Will is thoroughly enjoying himself, and he does it best when he has some excuse to hide behind.

Later, he lies to Jack and Alana again, leaks info to Francis (who nearly killed his wife and son), and gets many officers killed by proxy. He tells Bedelia the truth that he doesn’t “intend Hannibal to be caught a second time.” He also implies that he’s going to let him go free, which is why Bedelia should pack her bags.

*Bedelia: Can't live with him. Can't live without him. Is that what this is?*

This time, Will agrees, although in his way.

*Will: I guess this is my Becoming.*

For Will, Becoming was always connected to his feelings for Hannibal because accepting himself and his darkness meant being free to escape with Hannibal.

*Bedelia: You found religion. Nothing more dangerous than that.*

In E3, it was stated that love is a God (you can find more here https://www.reddit.com/r/HannibalTV/comments/7w54dg/lovegodreligion_s3_parallels/), so it’s possible to say that religion = love in this context. It certainly makes sense. Will is accepting himself and his emotions, and the trigger was establishing for sure that Hannibal is in love with him.

Will and Hannibal drive to the cliff house. When Hannibal asks Will if he intends to save himself by killing them both (Hannibal and Francis), Will replies:

*Will: I don't know if I can save myself. And maybe that's just fine.*

This is the first time he confesses that he might be incapable of killing Hannibal. Predictably, when Francis comes, Will can’t handle seeing Hannibal killed, so he reaches for his gun.

Will and Hannibal work as a unit and protect each other. Hannibal is shot, nearly strangled, thrown onto the ground, and he is still weakly holding on Francis' leg to prevent him from going after Will, even though it leaves him in an open and vulnerable position — Francis does kick him in the face with his other leg. There is fierce determination on Will's face as he stands up despite the pain and runs to save Hannibal. They act in synch, consummating their relationship.

Then, Will admires how blood looks on his hand and repeats Hannibal’s words:

*Will: It really does look black in the moonlight.*

He remembers the words Hannibal said to him weeks ago in one of their endless interactions. A bit earlier, he perfectly recalled the words Hannibal told him *years* ago, back in the middle of S2.

*Will: I understand that “blood and breath are only elements undergoing change to fuel your Radiance." Hannibal said those words. To me.*

So, Will remembers everything Hannibal told him. He stores these memories. It’s a small but still important proof how important Hannibal is for him.

At the cliff, Will finally accepts the truth.

*Hannibal: See. This is all I ever wanted for you, Will. For both of us.*

We know what Hannibal wanted: a Murder Husband. What does Will say to this?

*Will: It’s beautiful.*

This is a loud “yes” to Bedelia’s question about his feelings. Will acknowledges, accepts, and admires them. He doesn’t feel awkward, as he would if he knew Hannibal is in love with him but didn’t feel the same. No, he reaches forward to embrace him, and such physical contact from Will is mind-blowing because he almost never does it. He clings to Hannibal, puts his head on his shoulder, touches him as if he wants to melt with him. Then he gives the fate a chance to stop both of them or to set them free. They fall into the ocean under the Love Crime song, another romantic element.

Water symbolizes reborn, and post-credits scene indicates that Will and Hannibal have paid a visit to Bedelia and are in the process of eating her while she’s hiding the fork to stab one of them as he approaches. The deleted epilogue to the series shows that they are in perfect harmony now.

**Conclusion**: Will has passed through a long, painful journey. He went from hiding from emotions and deflecting to not denying and carefully acknowledging them. We don’t hear words “love” or “in love” from him in relation to Hannibal because Will is not that kind of person. He doesn’t use these words freely, and for him, every small emotional step is a struggle. He tried to deceive himself and other numerous times; he tied to deny the truth and manipulate his own mind, but with each season, his feelings for Hannibal became more and more explicit. Will reaching out for physical contact, Will saying “It’s beautiful” are his way of saying, “I ached for you. I love you.”

This is a story of mutual love and obsession, about soulmates, about unique type of connection that few people share. It’s not about Hannibal falling in love and Will not feeling the same. Their feelings are equally strong, but they express them differently, particularly as Will’s are tied to the acceptance of his own darkness.

#will graham #hannibal lecter #hannigram #nbc hannibal #murder husbands

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