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utilitycaster · 2 months

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In the end, it is misogyny but in the form of that Imogen (and most of the female cast, if we are being fair) gets reduced to just being a woman to the point that criticizing any real flaw, wrong doing, or "hey i personally maybe perhaps don't like that she did this" is turned into an attack on her because she is a woman, because after all, all women are perfect and so so dainty they must be protected (sarcasm)

Without mentioning the attacking real women in the name of the fictional one

It really is the "God forbid a woman do anything" but in it's worst form

Sorry for venting, been having thoughts about the fandom for the past 5 years

YUP. I do recommend Unlikeable Female Characters by Anna Bogutskaya which I devoured in like, one sitting over my winter break and posted a bunch of excerpts from but this discourse is extremely not limited to the CR fandom. I mean, think about all of the endlessly churning nonsense about the women of Gone Girl and Midsommar. I am going to see Love Lies Bleeding tomorrow and have steered well clear of really any discussion because I simply would like to see buff lesbians in a crime drama but apparently the discourse is rancid.

Of course there are people who assume ill of female characters while excusing men. That is absolutely a big problem. But again, we can barely talk about that. I recently made a post about how Laura is not a particularly chaotic player, and indeed is one of the most cautious players in actual play, and again I think there is a serious and important conversation to be had about how there's probably a reason why, say, Travis and Taliesin are more likely to make extremely bold moves, because they didn't get raked over the coals during C1 for stealing a cool broom from a guest character! I actually think Marisha has managed to hang on to some of her boldness and it makes her a stronger player but I would not have been surprised if she retreated after the hate she got from Keyleth. But yeah, in actual play, bold moves are pretty important. We can't even talk about how real-world misogyny holds back the actual actors without some moronic wretch being like "FIGURES THAT A MISOGYNIST CUNT LIKE YOU LIKES A MALE ACTOR."

When a character who is a man - or in some cases, characters who are not men but are played by men - does something people don't like we can say "wow, I didn't like this, but it was an interesting choice by the actor!" but we aren't allowed to either talk about the reasons why a real world woman might hesitate to play a character who does ugly things - because of the misogynistic backlash that will land specifically on her as a real person - nor can we compliment her for going for it and playing a complex flawed character, because how DARE you say a woman is anything less than some kind of Divine Feminine ideal. At best you're allowed a two-dimensional caricature of She's So Sweet And Good But Sometimes Gets Angry (this also happened to my friend Keyleth).

And this might reveal my own biases but like. I as a woman don't love being called self-centered, but that, personally, would probably lead me to some reflection. If you call me a girlfailure, even jokingly, I am going to break your nose. It's really telling that like...one of the absolute no-brainer "hey stop calling grown women girls" feminist tenets has gone by the wayside particularly with the set of people who think that meta that fails to put women on so high a pedestal they are untouchable is misogynist. They are awful towards women, fictional and real.

A line that always stuck with me from, bizarrely, a book about wordplay, was that Victorian men would treat women of their same classes as their superiors, but never their equals - they would coddle them and protect them but they wouldn't actually engage with their thoughts and foibles. (This happened to my friend Jester).

Anyway my personal solution is to keep going. On some level, as my previous post indicates, while I don't want the harassment it also only underscores my point, that a lot of these people are way more invested in being a dick to women on the internet than writing meta about the pretend women they think they like. I have to imagine they're doing this because either think they're entitled to meta they like from people who can actually fucking write it because god knows most of the people making this complaint have the most "if you can't dazzle them with brillance, blind them with the most purple-prose bullshit you can muster" attitude; or because they literally are just champing at the bit to attack women online with the ostensible veneer of "but it's FEMINIST to call THESE women cunts because they said my blorbo wasn't saintly and flawless." However, again, I know that I'm pretty bullheaded and forcibly unlearned the uh, patriarchal idea that women should not be confrontational. I do not blame people who look at this whole situation and say "I'm going to keep my thoughts to myself because this is so unpleasant."

#answered #Anonymous #i got a ghost message too that i only assume is for the same reason as my previous anon #and like. ngl. i'm THIS close to naming suspected names. like i have tried to keep quiet but *rashinna voice* can we take out the trash #i'd love to see more meta about imogen but again i don't blame the people who are like nope not worth it.#cr tag

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lemon-natalia · 2 months

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Gideon the Ninth Reaction - Chapter 28

i wont lie Colum is giving off such Kronk from The Emperor’s New Groove vibes in this chapter

for a second i was like ‘why did Gideon go to see Teacher?? Mystery??!1?’ and then i realised that she just needed directions. i get the feeling i am way too suspicious about everything except the stuff i should be suspicious about

wow Silas is really buying into the whole Emperor cult vibes thing, yikes. also this feels like the first proper mention of him in a while, despite him being the guy who kicked the whole plot off and all the characters technically living in his house, he’s been kind of a non-entity so far

oh shit Glaurica and Ortus are dead?? but Silas is almost definitely wrong here about Harrow planting a bomb for Gideon, she was actively trying to get Gideon not to leave in the shuttle, but also very much did not want Gideon as her cavalier instead of Ortus. so either she was playing some kind of 4-dimensional-mind-chess game to get Gideon to be her cavalier (which i highly doubt) or i really don’t think she was aware of the bomb at all

ok, although i could be wrong, but i’m pretty certain (as in i saw spoilers about this, my own fault) that Harrow’s parents did in fact kill off the other Ninth kids in order to make Harrow a more powerful necromancer. what i didn’t realise though was that Gideon was apparently wasn’t aware of this at all

but even that leaves the question as to why Gideon didn’t die - maybe she just wasn’t needed? but then there’s the fact that Gideon was pretty much ok after the soul-siphoning thing, so maybe its something to do with Gideon herself?

also wasn’t there one other kid who survived, an older boy? what happened to that dude

i mean again as someone living in student housing, vent bacteria does actually feel very capable of affecting teenagers 💀

‘since when was power goodness, or cleverness truth’ Silas for someone who’s so into ethics you’re kinda a shitty person i won’t lie.

does Gideon even have her and Harrow’s keys at this point? i honestly can’t remember

Colum and Silas’s relationship imploding as Gideon just stands there like that awkward fox image

from Colum’s speeches here its really interesting to get a cavalier perspective different from Gideon, from someone who isn’t effectively faking it - that is, someone who has spent their whole life with the sole purpose of being secondary, devoting everything they are, to someone else. but the cavaliers, including Colum, are still their own individuals with their own opinions and moral codes, and that’s really coming into conflict here

#lemon natalia reads the locked tomb #tlt #the locked tomb #the locked tomb liveblog #gideon the ninth

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trashquisitor-shirozora · 4 months

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Was browsing through early BOBF/Mando S3 criticisms on Tumblr and WOW, 93% of S2’s viewership dropped when S3 finished airing for an extremely understandable reason. As someone who got into Dinluke after all the dust settled I can only imagine what it was like becoming invested in Din’s story and being floored by the S2 finale only for it to get totally swerve-balled after a long-anticipated wait. How did you avoid the disappointment and burnout?

Spite is an incredibly powerful motivator, let me tell you.

I'm halfway joking about that, btw. I could say I'm used to disappointment and I also worked really hard not to take things too personally after being disappointed time and again year after year by fandoms I was in. Imo the healthiest attitude is that no show/movie/book/videogames/etc will ever play out the way you want/think it should so take what you can get and trash the rest. By the time I started watching The Mandalorian, I'd been burnt badly by Star Trek AOS, the Sequel Trilogy, the MCU, and the Disney machine, and I had to figure out how to accept that I like what I like, I can't change what I can't change, and I can/will run the fuck off with what I can change, which is making wildly fun and fulfilling transformative shit like fanfics and fanart.

I was actually excited about TBOBF and was utterly betrayed by the executive decision to throw him and Fennec to the side in order to absolutely trash the Season 2 finale of the Mando Show by having Din and Grogu reunite just like that. I guess I got lucky in that I had a long-running fic series that I was heavily invested in and I was not about to let Disney stop me from finishing it. Instead of letting my frustrations kill my interest in the show and fandom, I turned it into motivation to keep telling the story I wanted to tell based on the fallout of Season 2. It also helped that Andor happened.

I quit Season 3 of the Mando Show after the 1st episode and it was the best decision I ever made. I had a really rough time with it and was encouraged to step away if it was giving me too much stress. I'm glad for that. Less time and energy picking about Filoni&Favreau and Disney Lucasfilm's decisions and disappointments, more time and energy spent writing and drawing the dinluke I want to see. The nice thing about Star Wars is that it is an old and vast sandbox. Plenty of room here to build whatever sandcastles and dig however many holes you want while canon goes floundering by.

I think also that it really helped to find spaces to share with people who vibe on the same wavelength, so I'm not alone to my thoughts and spiraling myself out of a fandom I enjoyed (like what happened with TLJ but I shan't go there bc this response is long enough). Those posts about having friends you can shit-talk things with? Valid af. You need outlets to vent your grievances without setting bridges on fire, and it'll help your enjoyment of things in the long run.

I didn't avoid the disappointment but I figured out how to make something of it, so I'm still writing dinluke, I'm still drawing dinluke, I'm still getting giddy over dinluke. I actively choose to do what I want with them, and nothing Disney Lucasfilm puts out is ever going to stop me.

#shirozora awkwardly responds to asks #dinluke #the mandalorian #star wars #tbobf #fandom things #realized I still have a lot of thoughts about TBOBF and Mando S3 while answering the ask #i should post them at some point #but really I can be a really spiteful person who uses rage to fuel certain ideas #if i see a story I don't like for a thing that I like I will rewrite things and I will create things to get over that rage #it's like that quote in frankenstein #it's like. i like this thing so much and i expect better from it so if it won't reach there then i'll write/draw it myself #the burnout will get to me eventually if the hyperfixation doesn't get to me first #but for now i am really enjoying the ride and i remain heavily invested in the story i'm telling with Dangerous Dreams #sometimes you just gotta find the one thing in the fandom you really like and stick with it to the end of the line

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flower-boi16 · 6 months

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What’s an example of a HB episode you thought was written well, and an episode you thought was written terribly? Can be a fun thought exercise

I think season 1's episodes are decently enjoyable even if the season shows clear signs of the problems that would be made more obvious in season 2. I mainly liked episode 2, I thought it was a heartfelt episode exploring Stolas' relationship with Octavia and the scene where Stolas talks to Octavia is actually pretty sweet.

As for an episode that was written terribly...well, I've said it before that I don't like this episode so I might as well just state my reasoning for this.

I think Oops is the worst episode of the show. Of all the episodes so far, it's the one with the most issues I can name. It's definitely the worst-written episode of the show.

First problem: the pacing. It's waaaay too damn fast. It feels like none of the scenes have a chance to breathe because we need to get to point A to B as fast as possible. And this is a problem that will be made worse once we get to a certain scene.

Then there's the Stolas and Asmodeus subplot...

Why? Why does this subplot exist? What's the point of it if Stolas and Asmodeus weren't even going to do anything throughout the whole episode? This could have literally been something that was happening off-screen, we didn't need to cut back to it throughout the episode.

Then we get the reveal of the incident that broke Blitz and Fizzarolli's friendship, where Blitz accidentally set the whole circus on fire permanently making Fizzoroli lose his limbs...

Here's why this scene doesn't work; it has no impact. The bad pacing combined with the tonal problems make this scene have no impact whatsoever, the show never even builds up to this reveal, it just randomly slaps you in the face with a 10-second flashback and you aren't given much time to process it.

This also leads me to my next problem with this episode; the resolution to Blitz and Fizzarolli's friendship feels insanely rushed, there's a 10-second flashback about what happened and then they just forgive each other like that. Do you see what I mean when I say this episode is badly paced?

Then there is the worst scene in the episode. The one where while Blitz and Fizzarolli are in the cell, Blitz vents about how Stolas pretends to like him despite only wanting to have sex with Blitz and nothing else even though he supposedly does all these nice things to Blitz.

Do you want to know why I don't like this scene? Simple; It's a retcon. The entire point of Blitz and Stolas's relationship in season 1 was that Stolas only wanted to sleep with Blitz and nothing else, to turn around and say "oh look Stolas did all of these nice things for Blitz guys!" feels like an attempt to try and make Stolitz look less toxic than it really is. We are told that Stolas did all of these nice things for Blitz, rather than shown. It's lazy.

Then there's the next problem with this scene; the show treats Blitz as though he is in the wrong for thinking Stols only loves him for his dick and nothing else. The show gaslights Blitz for being upset at this and it's kinda gross? Like the show is getting mad at a victim for getting mad at their abuser for only being interested in them for sex, I don't know if I would say this is victim blaming...but still.

Oh I'm still not done, because then after that scene we get the reveal that Blitz had a knife in his shoe the whole time and-

WAIT A FUCKING MINUTE IF HE HAD THAT THIS WHOLE TIME THEN WHY DIDN'T HE USE IT EARLIER??!?! WHY WASN'T PULLING THIS THING OUT THE FIRST THING HE DID WHEN WE GOT INTO THE CELL??!

Also wow, just how convenient that Blitzo has this in his shoe when we've never seen him use it before so they could escape. Wow, that is totally not contrived and lazy writing at all.

I know this post turned into me ranting about Oops, but I think the episode is an example of how badly written the show is mainly in season 2. There are probably more problems I can name when I rewatch it, and the fact that the fandom hailed this as an amazing episode is just...baffling to me.

Especially when the episode decides to ignore the whole point of Blitz and Stolas' relationship in season 1 and retcons it to make the ship look less toxic than it actually is.

#helluva boss critical #helluva boss criticism #oops helluva boss #vivziepop critical #hazbin hotel critical

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ryuichirou · 6 months

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I'm back with my GloMas ask. By the way I love the word GloMas: it's like Christmas but more theatrical and angsty, and at the end of all the celebration, instead of getting presents, you end up with less stuff than before (no need to check Ruggie's luggage, officer. I can assure there's nothing interesting there).

On to the question, which is partially about Ruggie. This event has brought to light a new interesting dynamic that I hadn't really considered before, with the Ruggie/Jamil team up. It's nice to see Jamil be himself (i.e. a menace) more unapologetically than usual. I don't really ship them as a "couple", but I definetely see their appeal as potential "acquaintances-with-benefits". And I bet Ruggie would be happy to hear less grumbling when he decides to pay a visit to the rich boys Scarabia dorm. Basically, I'm curious to know if you guys have any thoughts about these two, both related to the event and in general!

Anon!! Sorry for the late reply, and let me go grab that loud mic I used a couple of days ago once again and tell you.

YES. These two. These two are very good together.

For the most part I want to just yell YES at everything you’ve said because you’ve honestly nailed it. Glorious Masquerade (with its Christmas-like Glomas glory..) was the first event we’d seen (even before we watched the main story), so Jamil and Ruggie’s unexpected chemistry is something that we have in mind at all times lol

It really feels like they can be themselves around each other, which is exactly what they said, and honestly these two out of the entire cast really deserved it. What they also deserved is to have someone to complain about the harsh realities of serving to capricious princes (Kalim isn’t a prince but) who are unreasonable and frankly stupid at times. Just imagine THE LEVELS OF PETTY AND TIRED VENTING, their venting sessions could be the best.

I don’t know if you wanted any headcanons with them, but since we’re at it, might as well drop some. These are mostly sfw, but the last one kind of isn’t lol

They knew that they might be a good match even before the Glorious Masquerade but never really had a chance to hang out before that. And during the event, to them it felt like they’ve been having telepathic dialogues for ages, and now finally they get to actually chat. They’re on the same page TO SUCH A DEGREE it’s actually stupid.

Even after the event, even though both Ruggie and Jamil went back to being super busy, they kept in touch. Sometimes they text each other, sometimes they meet simply to VENT. Having another person who is done of everyone’s bullshit in this stupid school is a blessing. They also talk about other stuff, like cooking and hobbies and even scheming and such, but their main topic is still “wow I hate these people”.

What they find the most comforting about each other is the fact that they know they are not really friends, but they also don’t have much to gain from each other, so it’s not like they should expect a backstab at any point. It’s actually pretty rare for Jamil to be this relaxed like he is when he is around Ruggie.

They don’t have sex regularly, but they did it once during the Masquerade event and at least once when they came back to the NRC. Both of them aren’t too into sex, otherwise it probably would have happened more often. Ruggie is actually a much better option to have this “acquaintances-with-benefits” deal than Azul, because with Ruggie Jamil can be sure there won’t be any feelings attached to it: they’ll help each other out and will be on their merry way…

#replies #headcanons

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fantomette22 · 17 days

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(For Bloodborne)

10, 16, and 18?? 💀

I answered 10 here ! As for the rest it is quite long so putting it under there. Hope you ready 😅

16. you can't understand why so many people like this thing (characterization, trope, headcanon, etc)

Hm... wait I need to remember all the things I don't appreciate... and try not to make ennemies 😓 (it's really not my goal it's just personal preference mostly. Seriously depending how things are explained and presented there's lot a thing I can actually enjoy! While I would dislike when it's just throw and spam without context.)

Hm well you know as for characterisations when it's reduced to like 2 traits or extreme good / extreme bad it's hm... yeah. I mean I know I ain't a good exemple but I barely share dark headcanons 😓 but they do exist hehe.

Of course absolutely don't mind and love silly shenanigans (when you're hanging with your friends and having fun it's not always very serious) and also more dark and matures ideas. When people share it doesn't mean it's all they think to the characters! Gotta take the all picture!

But it does bother me when people believe in almost caricatural interprets like it's canon and talk down on others with different views. Somehow like they are the worst thing...like wtf.

Also well typical extreme talk about Gehrman, Maria and mostly Laurence I suppose (maybe a bit Lulu aka the holy blade but it bother me a bit less because people are generally not spamming to or being annoying as much as the others. Oh Micolash too). When people reduced them to just 2 things or an extreme. I feel it really doesn't fit with the infos within the game. I'm not a fan at all. They are all morally grey and humans. They are not clearly all black or all white. they are morally gray, they are humans!

In more details now. Well for Gehrman you know my stance already. Clearly yeah he had some issues in his life and did bad things but clearly I don't think he was a misogynistic asshole and all the stuff. Like it just don't make sense to me. I don't even wanna vent about it today XD

As for Maria well. Look I don't have a problem with the headcanon of her being a butch lesbian. I mean it's even one of my AU actually. (to put it really really simply. Bc I like having several interprets disconnect to each other in their own settings). It can be very interesting in an overall big story I think. The problem I have is when it's apparently her only unique traits and if you think or headcanon otherwise for any reasons you are apparently the worst shit to exist and getting block. Being labelled as sexist, homophobic etc. Well idk but that kind of reaction kinda tell me who the real -phobic one is 😕 really that is sad like wow who hurt you people?! to have this much anger to people just trying to have fun. Thankfully it's clearly just a minority of people who are agressive like this. And I hope they will grow, gain maturity and realise there's really no need to be that mean about such a thing. But it's been a while saw smt like this so I prefer to put this behind me there's hope.

As for Laurence I'm not really a fan of him being the ultimate bitch devil (or angel but nobody has that take almost. That would be a change. the tragic vicar who only had good intention but accidentally fucked up and try his best until the end😔 I mean I don't agree with that either but that's a change). I mean by this, that I think he did both. Good and bad things. That he had honorable intentions at first but overcome by a bit of ego and pride he fucked up really bad. And then realised his mistake but it was too late to correct it... his theme inspire great strength but who end in tragedy and pity. So overall tragic these too. Him being depicted as just a smug unlikable bitch is something I have a hard time with. I mean yes I like to imagine him being a smug bitch too at times for sure! it's fun but not like all the time and making it his entire personality. If that make sense. I don't see how he could be an important religious figure, doctor and having so much support by just being a manipulative ass all the time. Especially if he start from ground 0.

And hm... i have nothing again it and people so that we're clear but hm EXCEPT in certains very specific context* I am not personally a fan of Laurence being drawn with horns on his head. It just isn't my cup of tea. I'm not sure to understand what's the interest don't make sense to have Laurence looking normally human + just horns but it's just me.

*EXCEPT WHEN : symbolism and symbolic art (no prob I like those actually. Horns + when he's burning in human form for exemple onlooking like religious symbolism) ; "decoration" like lil detached horns, like you would put flowers or sparkles or little emoji next to a portrait of a characters ; before he transformed but with other signs of beasthood (actually him human with horns can be nice but I prefer when it's like mini horns not full cleric beast ones + idk a giant arm with claws and fur growing, eyes looking weird, teeth growing, his hair being longer and messy etc).

Now last I will stop after...

I think a whole fic or interprets on a really dark and realistic Bloodborne universe like our world can be super interesting! But I don't enjoy when people seem to think Bloodborne is 100% our 19th century with just a couple of eldritch things in it? Ok it's closer to us compared to medieval fantasy like DS or elden ring. But I feel it's fantasy too. if we had a map I won't be surprise if that's not Europe or a map that existed in real life. Lot of things don't fit to be actual victorian era. It's just inspire by it : invention and technology aren't on the same lvl. Either they are missing important inventions or are too advanced. (Molotovs appeared during spain war and were named like this during WWII) people don't seem to have 10 children working in factories or mines as well. Women are doctors, academic, hunters etc No steam machine or electric bulb but who knows. I could make an entire things... Looking at all the real life inspirations for the game is great! Create a very realistic story is very cool! But I would personally be more on the side that's it's more of a victorian fantasy. Like Sekiro can't be in our world or how Dark souls is a medieval fantasy as well and isn't medieval age accurate.

Oh boi i forgot about victorian london. Jokes are fine but bloodborne is more inspired on Prague and eastern europe i feel. You and Katy developed it more anyway

18. it's absolutely criminal that the fandom has been sleeping on...

Ok I don't know how to answer this so have a list (of ideas in my head I need to share /write one day lmao) :

Maria backstory (no seriously I want stories on her childhood, her family, what happened, how she felt toward them. Conflicted? Good terms but separate ways? Actually work for them for a while? Disowned? I wanna know! If she's actually close to Annalise ? More important in royal family that we know? Or really a random noble related to them?) Is her pyromancer real?! why she dislike blood blades?

How she got her Rakuyo

How she met Gehrman? her training? WHAT HAPPEN I NEED TO KNOW uxkcblkDOLFMBOEAMl: (sorry XD) work for Laurence & co too

Important lore Charcacters backstory before this whole mess (Laurence, Gehrman, Ludwig, Willem etc yeah basically everyone lol I won't do the entire list XD but how did they meet each other what bound them what happen.)

Stories how the healing church + blood transfusion actually came to be?

Byrgenwerth era (yeah sorry I love it XD)

So yeah overall timeline before the hunter arrive (help)

Cainhurst, Annalise, vilebloods, potential KING of Cainhurst

So yeah Logarius too

Loran, Isz and pthumerians lore??

Dores and Gatekeeper my beloved

Caryll (yeah just Caryll)

Izzy and bestial hunters. How the bestial rune was forbidden, why Laurence had it etc

Ok is everyone except 5 persons gonna ignore the fact freaking Gehrman can make more than just weapons?! well wood stuff are oblivious but how did bro can make such refined clothes hello?!?!

Religion practise how it works in Yharnam, how citizens and clerics actually practise it.

What's their history, their legend, how the geopolitic within the country is and others XD (it's more a critic about the game in itself than fandom really) In truth I'm a bit sad we know lot of countries and regions within Dark Souls but almost none with Bloodborne! Like many people are from foreign countries and we have 0 names compared to the dozens in DS. we just have like vaguely Yamamura asiatic country, Eileen's one, Valtr's city, Loran and Isz. As for Gascoigne Gilbert Brador and all the others we don't know anything. In Dark Souls we have names and we know where people came from : Catarina, Astora, Forossa, Mirrah, Carim, Vinheim, Lordran etc)

Event being seen by random citizens or young characters growing up could be interesting!

I mean many characters again

I might stop here or it will never be over sorry... I'm not even sure it's really slept one but I wish we have more. There's just so many possibilities and things that can be created!

#my asks #ask game #couldn't talk about everything but I think it's enough for today #again I can be fan of many different ideas if it's presented an interesting way & even if it's not my thing I will always try to respect it #I just don't like when people disrespect others for their take when nothing contradict it #I'm sorry if that make no sense Crow it's late I write this since so long with what passing in my head #sorry it was post at 1am

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sys-confessions · 7 days

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not really a confession ig, more of a vent. but it weighs on us like a confession might. sorry if it doesn't fit right.

so we recently got posted to systems cringe for our system and omfg. one person flat out referred to it as hysteria. Wow. Yes, hysteria. The "disorder" used to discredit women's struggles and aids into the "crazy woman" stereotype that has historically been used to oppress people and if I remember correctly led to women being lobotomized. (May be wrong, but I'm pretty sure hysteria was used as an excuse to lobotomize women. My memory may be wrong.)

This is because I made silly intro posts that they deem I made up as if...I did it on the spot and, ya know, not collecting info slowly over a couple years as our system becomes more known to me. The fact they assume I made it up because they'd try to make it up really says more about them than me.

Also, small mention of programming we are a tbmc/programmed system. The fact they assume we were saying all alters of ours were programmed when we never made that claim at all. And that us making a positive post about an old special interest meant the alters we had from that (from around our trauma, cause ya know, childhood interests) means those were programmed alters too. 💀 Love the lack of literacy skills here. We are a programmed system, we do not hide that fact as it is our ugly reality and those specific blogs are meant for going over that. We simply mentioned old dormant alters we had from such interests as a child. And if they actually cared to look into our account aside from mocking us (not something they'd ever do), they'd notice that we refer to our programmed parts in an entirely different way from our alters and refuse to name them at all since we cannot ensure safety from our programmer and whatever group did it to us and must be cautious with the info we share.

Just saw the comparisons to hysteria, saying we were in a cult for...posting about being a system (when we barely even interact with anyone cause of a fear of people), and implying us posting our alter intros were self harm is really funny (in a sarcastic/pathetic way) to us. They really did make a LOT OF ASSUMPTIONS about us based on some intros and a post. But that's pretty much required for them to care this much about strangers online and completely defend their own actions.

Also love they bring up saviour complex because someone might care to learn about our system when they have a saviour context towards the hypothetical suffering systems they imagine. Completely ignoring the fact that the systems they post can also be suffering systems. The more we think about it, the more ridiculous and sad pathetic it seems. Like. Oh no. Our silly light hearted posts and intros got posted. What ever will we do now? Anyway.

Again, hope this was okay to send in even if it's more of a vent. Not a lot of outlets for us and we have a history with harassment so we tend to be pretty paranoid when directly referencing something involving us. So yeah. Just had to get it off our chest. Thank you.

This was perfectly fine to send, don't worry at all, anon! The blog may be named after confessions, but it's very flexible. Whatever you want to send, you can.

We hope sending this vent helped you feel better. System cringe is ridiculous. I thought it was a well known fact that you cannot, in fact, judge anybody's mental health and/or disorders over the internet, but apparently it's not...

#system confession #cdd system #osddid #did osdd #traumagenic system #dissociative identity disorder #did system #osdd system #anti endo #endo dni #tw vent #vent post #vent #tw programming #programming #tw tbmc #tbmc

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vurlient · 4 months

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TW: body dysmorphia ;_;

(Currently having an art block, so here’s what I’d like to share. Maybe you guys can get something off of this, it’s just my personal experience though, but I’d really appreciate it if it does)

A wordy, self realization, I guess:

Growing up I’ve always disliked physical touch, or specifically, at least not wanting to be hugged. I often feel uncomfortable knowing my body is so close to, say, a friend or a family member. Pressing my own skin and weight, leaning into theirs, felt like another reminder that’s like “oh wow, this is what it actually feels like being hugged” to “I wonder if my body feels comfortable enough for them”.

All my life, I’ve always been so self conscious about my body image. From being chubbier than my sibling, becoming skinner, then becoming chubbier again. Please, please understand that being ‘chubby’ or ‘fat’ is not a negative, in fact, it’s healthy, and normal! I just want to emphasize that.

It’s just that in my case, I was young and gullible. (8yrs old), at first I didn’t really mind the comments or words that people throw at me, from my classmates, teachers, and other relatives. They were just saying those words lightly, harmless in a way. Then I continued growing up, with my friends, they also started changing, puberty and stuffs. It hit me hard knowing that my body is constantly changing, I felt like a blob of mesh, like my body playing the dice with the number of my own weight. Didn’t want to look at the mirror, using old photos of myself, too embarrassed to take new pictures. I hid the fact that this stemmed a self hatred against myself, accepting that I will never truly achieve the ‘supposed look’ like kids my age back then. Tall and proportionate.

I tried and tried to change my physical appearance, so much so that I begin to look for ways to instantly look good and to possibly feel good about myself. Started to play sports, and it did actually help manage my weight, then the pandemic started. Moved to a new town, drafted off my trainings, just to be overwhelmed by my own thoughts, again.

Often what comes to their mind, when they think of me, it’s someone who’s just a teeny bit overweight. I was ashamed of hearing that, never got the motivation to love myself for being only that. I slowly looked up celebrities/artists/etc who have at least some similarities with my situation, gave me a bit of hope, but regardless I never had the confidence like them. I started to meet new people, knowing them, getting close to them, and together expressing our own situations, emotions and interests.

I felt heard, and simply just understood, it kind of isolated me from my thoughts you know? I guess it just takes a lot of time for me to absorb advices, especially when it comes to my body image. It was never easy for me to accept that everything changes, I instead resorted to blaming myself because I think why I do about things. But gradually, I learned a thing or two and just further improve myself, maybe find new hobbies, interests, talents, whatever I could get my hands on. I distracted myself from thinking intrusive thoughts, and I just really wanted to feel comfortable with myself. On the internet, watching shows/medias, finding characters who I can relate to.

Right now, I am still in the process of loving myself, I am thankful that I had people who were always there to listen, throughout my vents and ranting... Taking notes of my weight, eating and working out and stuff.

(just a 15y 5’0 guy currently 47kg)

Everyday shouldn’t be always sunshines and rainbows, some days you’d wanna just lash out and cry, and that’s normal.

It’s never late to love yourself, people will care and will love you, even if you think otherwise. There are a lot of things you can be great at, maybe not at that one thing you always wanted, but you will eventually. I learned things the hard way, and it’s unhealthy, everyone is important, their emotions are too.

If you’re wondering, if I had anorexia, I don’t, I never wanted to. (But even if I did, most people in my country wouldn’t think of it as a serious disorder way back.) I didn’t want to waste my parent’s cooking, and didn’t want to bother them.

Alright, it’s a long read, but thanks for taking the time reading this. I really do appreciate it. Mutuals or not, I wholeheartedly thank you.

#tw: body dysmorphia #i’m shaking and trembling as i typed this out hdbfbfbf

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shkika · 1 year

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I'm starting to think this is making yur wrist WORSE with all the typing /lhj also also also type as long as you'd like its so fun reading it all

Anyway that makes a lot of sense actually like.,.,,..wow man rainworld is really?? Sad when you think about it god

I wonder if moon felt any sort of obligation to be how she was towards fp aside from being the big sister etc, like maybe bc he was built to like carry her population something like that I think its silly how she spoke so badly of the ancients but then when fp ends up doing something she's so much more like understanding I guess it shows how much she does really care

Maybe her anger is driven more towards what she could have done herself alongside being mainky the ancients..She seems the type imo like......maybe she should have started the communications faster or maybe if she had done more he wouldnt have felt the need to work with the rot in the first place or maybe that she didnt even really figure something was terribly terribly wrong in the first place?? Itd be cool I think if she was only so patient with fp actually like...... she was faster to stop forgiving with other iterators or anything really, but I think as you said way earlier she'd just be a little passive aggressive or something and that'd be enough for her probably

I COMPLETELY FORGOT ABOUT THE ROT BEING GOSSIP MATERIAL that must've messed pebbles up like so so SOO bad. Like first off he failed he did what he never wanted to do and then it just gets spread around?? As conversation?? Like wow. Wow wow wow thanks I guess. Ok.

Speaking of suns too I wonder do they regret telling pebbles (someone highly impressionable at this point in time and someone looking for ADVICE) the whole bug situation, like it feels as if they were kind of just venting out some of their own frustrations rather than truly truly meaning it but then again suns is such an odd creature why are you so mean to this guy he looks up to you so much be NORMAL

On a much lighter note though his intrigue(special interest/j) with the history and like poetry the ancients had is so silly I think I wonder would he have ever rambled about it to others like more in depth than what he tells artificer

Hopefully not!! I really need these lazy hands to work!! bahah

I’m having fun you’re aall good ^^

I have a lot of hcs about Moon I’d like to explore in an ask blog I hopefully open soon >> especially her relationship with ancients, her group and five pebbles in particular hoopefully. She’s a really mild person, because of the way she carries herself, but has a lot to her character. At least I like to hc her that way!

She does feel responsibility over Pebbles, but I doubt she ever blames herself for the situation which they ended up in. I also doubt the responsibility felt forced to her!

Or well I at least enjoy the hc that she loves thinking herself as a big sister! She likes to dote on people and help out when she can. Though her approach does end up being one where she holds your hand a lot (not for proud iterators oops!!!!)

Also passive agressive moon…? yes…. just yes. we deal with anger by looking at you wrong bahahah

The rot was gossip material it is very upsetting!! but a little funny! Not to mention how iterators reffered to Pebbles I found myself snickering. “The near Looks to the Moon” like alright sheesh. People also tried to contact poor Pebbles i think! Not just his local group! Imagine how stressful that is.

Suns feels like that one nihilistic atheist guy with a big ego who overshares his opinions a lot and thinks the world sucks and has like unchecked anxiety.

But that’s probably just me hehe. I think Suns and Pebbles had fun being hateful little goons and then Srs dropped his depressing opinions which.. aren’t even fully wrong. Isn’t it sad. Pebbles ended up exactly in the way which srs described. Something he was so afraid of he gave himself the rot over </3

Suns is a silly goon to me. A critter I contain in my jar.

And yes!! I’d love to know what more Pebbles has to say about art and culture! Mmmm more content please yum yum!! His painting analysis was super cute.

#ask #pinkavtomation #iterators … and their silly personalities…#this makes me want to finish the designs i sketched out and work on my header for the ask blog #ah #i must stay strong #tmrw mayhaps #must stay health 🫡#ty for ur rambles beloved!

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rou-en · 1 month

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lmfao the fuck are you on, a tesla is still very much a symbol of being rich as fuck. shut up and listen to actual poor people for a minute and maybe you'll gain some critical thinking skills. or maybe you'll just go back to being a bootlicker. who knows?

Oh wow another first - anon hate!

Also welcome, it’s very weird to be interacting with people on this hell site after so long, but hello!! To me this is all very hilarious to come about from just venting in tags about Watcher drama but I guess that’s this place for you eh?

I could just have not swiped and answered this one, and tbh I hesitated a bit on the first anon as well, but it does feel exhilarating to be speaking to the void and getting a voice back (any voice in fact!)

But first to this second anon (coz I’d guess from the tone that you’re not the first), I hope you’re doing alright in the real world - that as frustrated and angry as you might be about my take on Teslas (very much a shitty car), you are alright and safe,

Since I seem to have a captive audience (of at least two that I can tell of so far, how novel!), I guess let me soliloquy about thoughts on wealth and the complex nature sometimes of the whole “poor vs rich” dynamic, which is also a bit of why I even waded a little into responding to you amidst watcher drama,

Second anon, I recommend dl;dr (don’t like don’t read) -

I come from a generation where that’s what we did for things we didn’t like. For all I’ve said you’re a captive audience, you’re actually not (again, this is all very funny to me right now I can’t believe this is over ghoul boi drama still jfc) - one person’s opinion will always be just that, an opinion.

I think anon, we might be in different areas of the world, but at least where I live (please check prev tags on the post you were referring to, I’m also too internet-old not to hide in tags as much as I like) it’s become an increasingly common sight to see even soccer moms drive a Tesla, their bloody SUV model is the bane of my existence,

Does that mean everyone can afford them? No. Does it mean a middle-class family could afford them? If they wanted it enough, yes. Does it mean there still aren’t people suffering here from poverty in my part of the world? Sadly, no.

And therein lies an interesting problem (well at least to me as a former economics student) about signalling and truly knowing where in the whole class wars business you’re on, because it does make a difference if you ever have to figure out which rich to eat,

Is the 1% who get to fly on private chartered space flights and book out the whole of Disneyland for themselves (I’m looking at a shitty Amazon CEO there) the first to the guillotine? Oh yes.

But what about everyone else? Are we going to burn everyone who has multiple iPhones? God forbid anyone ever treats themselves to a seven-course degustation? Would not recommend, but I don’t think it guillotine-perfect, and I don’t think everyone that drives a Tesla where I am in the world can begin to count as that,

Those people live a daily life here, second anon, it’s so middle-class here it’s almost funny and why saying to me “Steven owns a Tesla” makes me shrug and go “would not recommend but you do you”,

I understand that can be different to you, because oh, turns out my own thoughts and circumstances can be very different to yours indeed.

Fun fact, I grew up first in a developing country, and had the privilege to move to a “first-world” country because my family was dedicated and sacrificed to make sure I could live the “better life” so to speak,

So I know there’s an inequality in the world when an exchange rate could mean the difference between something being a “rich” vs “normal” thing - I buy a Switch here for about 450 bucks (I saved and then got it on sale) as an achievable treat; for my sister who still lives in my home country, it’s almost two grand and definitely ridiculous to spend on for any normal family,

On one level, where is the fairness in that? But I live with it, and I have to choose some treats or if not what’s the point in life,

What does this all mean in the face of the original ghoul boys/watcher drama that’s occurring now? If anyone has read this for long enough is probably wondering at this point,

(I hope you’re both with me still my two anons, I’ll cherish this even if nothing else ever happens to me on this hell site)

I guess I wanted to try and say: life is complicated, and everyone makes complicated decisions, even your favourite comfort YouTubers,

It means I can only see the exacting vitriol at Steven for liking nice things but not Shane for also liking nice things and wonder whether people are barking up the wrong trees, very racist trees in fact,

It means that I keep thinking of shitposts about when the time comes, we’d likely just start offing our neighbours for being “rich” then anyone actually rich, because we seem to not understand the difference between nice things and things no nice person should have (holding also the complicated element of environment and geopolitics to account),

In the process of writing my first response to anon #1, I did have a moment where I wondered, “what if the Watcher boys did think about this? What if they did have some level of number crunching and still looked into their souls and decided that it wasn’t what they wanted? That they knew they could keep doing what they’re doing now and be financially stable, or risk it because of what they believe?”

I and you or anyone can wonder, can or cannot understand, but I sure as hell wish the Watcher team the best of luck, and like you anon, their days will be safe, content and filled with nice things, because why else would I want anything else for anyone,

That’s my one opinion at least, take that as you will anon on the bootlicking quotient for that - if being someone that would just like us all to take a chill pill is being one, then meh - you’re welcome to your opinion too,

But thanks to anyone that’s somehow come to my Tedtalk that started with my random thoughts on Watcher drama and ended with me finding people are still around (it’s not just all bots huzzah!)

#watcher #seriously many firsts for me today for this hellsite #more than 10 years I’ve been here and I now have proof of life #also I’m sorry I don’t know how to do the read more function send help #also I do know they say not to respond to anon but it’s not every day you know

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lycanlovingvampyre · 1 year

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MAG 153 Relisten

Activity on my first listen: apple cutting.

"Intelligence doesn’t make you less prone to taking on bad ideas, it just makes you better at defending them to other people and to yourself. Smart people can believe some truly ridiculous things, and then deploy all the reason and logic at their disposal to justify them, because a belief doesn’t begin in your mind. It begins in your feelings. Cults are very good at finding you when you’re at your lowest point, when you’re your most emotionally vulnerable. And when you’re at that point it’s astounding what can crawl into your heart and start to fester there." Generally I'd say "intelligent people" are a lot less prone to joining stupid ideas. Especially since we now had a global event, that put this to the test. The Covid pandemic. All those people, of whom I'd have expected to believe stupid shit, did. I personally know no one, who surprised me to suddenly chime in to a conspiracy theory. But a few friends told me they had someone like this in their circle of friends and acquaintances - someone they always deemed smart and stable and suddenly they fell down this hole because they lost something important to them that put them at an emotional low. And then they’ll want to believe that shit that would them get their thing back.

"But that was when I started to properly look at my life, and I really didn’t like what was looking back." Ah yes, getting back to that DMN talk from yesterday's episode. The ability of self-awareness buys us the ticket to depression.

"And I’d always assumed that that was enough to eventually have real success, and for the first 10 years it seemed like I was right. I worked my way up, performed for basically nothing basically every night and got to be pretty successful." Yeah, I know that feeling... I get pretty decent fairly quickly when I latch onto a new interest. Problem is, I stay there. After my initial climb to "better than average" I stagnate and no matter what I do I just won't climb any higher. But I’m surrounded by people who do get farther and I stay just behind. It's frustrating. Doomed to be mediocre forever.

"do you know how much a “pretty successful” comedian makes?" Another line that's featured in the "Jonathan asks you things" video!^^

"Let’s just say I had a full-time office job and was still barely making rent. But between working full-time and gigging full-time I just kept putting off everything else in my life, always so sure the big time was just around the corner. This is the TV spot that gets me noticed, this is the sell-out fringe show that makes me mainstream, this is the deal that actually goes somewhere." Is that still part of the statement or is this just Jonny venting? xD

So Agape apparently means "love", and in Christianity it's meant as the love for god or god's love for humankind. Fits the toxic love theme.

“We formed into a long line, a chain holding hands with Joyce at the very end of it. It stretched from one end of the building to the other. “ When I hear about cult settlements, my mind wanders pretty quickly to Jonestown. And while there's nothing even remotely in common aside from just being a cult, there is one thing, that actually did remind me a bit of Jonestown. The thing about the cult members having to line up for the horrible thing. (If you're not familiar with Jonestown and are planning to look it up, be warned for suicide. Mass murder-suicide. It’s extremely gruesome...)

"Did you ever do that experiment in science class, where you held hands in a line and the teacher passed a very gentle electric shock down through the students" Okay first, what the fuck, no? Second, this is also in the "Jonathan asks you things" video!

JON: "He asked me to." JULIA: "Oh really? You always do what evil books tell you to, do you?" Oh wow... That was a low blow...

JON: "Christ, he was right, I didn’t – didn’t – when did you get so thin?" DAISY: "I’m not, it’s fine." JON: "It’s the Hunt, isn’t it? Without it –" Not submitting to their purpose does eat away at them. And to think that Jon never really as one of the physically fittest people out there..

JON: "Don’t listen to the blood." DAISY: "Listen to the quiet." One of my favorite quotes of TMA <3

@a-mag-a-day

#a-mag-a-day #mag 153 #tma #tma spoilers

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acatinafancyhat · 11 months

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Watched Chess på Svenska last night since people have been recommending it! Boy it was A Lot. My family has no respect for bonkers Swedish musicals so i'm just gonna vent the thoughts i had while watching it here. Beware of spoilers (though I probably haven't even noted half of the crazy shit that happened this show is really something else).

I had only seen RAH Chess in Concert and a few snippets of other versions going into this so that was my baseline, but in hindsight these two versions aren't really comparable since they're barely trying to tell the same story...

This is a little long I apologize i had many thoughts (: Also this formatting may or may not work, I'm about to find out.

Act I

- First impression: oh wow Chess has a plot now

- So Anatoly is the protagonist? Interesting.

- I like Swedish Florence she's cute? However Swedish Freddie has been on screen for five seconds and he already Sucks

- Ok I was NOT prepared for drunk florence singing nobody's side but turns out that's exactly what this musical needed

- Oooooohhhh Florence and Anatoly running into each other in the hotel could it be?? that this version?? actually invests in their relationship????

- Jean Jaques van Boren what a name, and he didn't even need one

- This arbiter is in a show all of his own look at the little man go he's so into it. Into what, I'm not sure.

- Wait is he flying on a wire because he's above the game is this symbolism

- Did Freddie... did he just... eat a chess piece?? I... what...??

- Aww hungover Florence is trying so hard to be dignified i'm already very up for her walking out on Freddie in this one.

- "the toads fall out of your mouth" heh idioms from other languages are the best

- Um this arbiter kinda gives me the creeps?

- Florence and Anatoly hanging out! bonding! not just running off into the sunset after being in the general vicinity of each other for 5 minutes!! (No offense to RAH Mountain Duet it's great and hating on Freddie together is a hilarious catalyst for their relationship but I'm actually getting invested here)

- Someone Else's Story is literally a different song but it works

- "husband" wait are Florence and Freddie supposed to be married in this?

- Sneaking away from Molokov ahahahaha

- oh sHIT YOU LEAVE THAT CHILD ALONE!

- And they are aware that there is no embassy in Merano yes thank you i did wonder about that like these places don't grow on trees how did they all even get there in RAH?

- Coming to the conclusion that everyone in Merano is batshit crazy

- And just realized that Walter isn't even here. Does he not exist? Has Sweden canceled the CIA?

- Swedish Mountain Duet is also a different song. Anatoly is very charming yet has lowkey Bastard vibes. Florence is clearly having a minor mental breakdown here maybe don't drag her into your midlife crisis? Oh well, at least he has some respect for her, unlike chess piece munching Freddie...

- But "She's my only friend" aw fuck now i have feelings about this asshole

- Anthem is good. Anthem is always good.

Act II

- Start of this act is already looking Intense

- Swedish Freddie is such a trainwreck my god.

- How To Lose a Girl in Ten Seconds the autobigraphy by Frederick Trumper

- "So you want to break up" FUCK the look on his face just killed me

- This Pity the Child is somehow more pathetic than other versions I have seen. And i mean that in the best way. He's hugging the pillow. Just wants mommy to love him. Fuck.

- So here's Endgame showing up early hmmm

- And here's Anatoly evolving from lowkey bastard into full on piece of shit. Has Svetlana done anything to deserve this abuse? Not to my knowledge, no.

- "You're an ass!" Sveta sweetie you are absolutely correct

- But at least he loves his kid I give him one (1) credit for that.

- I have mixed feelings about Heaven Help My Heart in RAH but it works much better here in terms of both timing and lyrics!

- Oohh new Svetlana song (heard of it but never heard it). Yes Sveta you TELL him.

- Merano reprise?

- Happy Florence!!! Happy Florence!!!! Happy Florence is adorable look at her precious smile!!!!!

- Aaaaand in comes freddie to fuck it up.

- (gets his kicks above the waistline but sure knows how to hit below the belt)

- "Take it easy, little friend" omg

- *aggressively clinging to each other while singing about how they never want to see the other person again* yep i'm dead

- This Freddie really has zero redeeming qualities AND YET

- oh random acrobatics? cool. i'm no longer surprised by anything that happens on this stage.

- Jean Jacques van Boren is back. I want to compare him to something but every time i see him my mind just goes blank in quiet horror.

- Svetlana strolling in to slay that cheating motherfucker

- Ok I support Sveta's rage always but I have to say i do not love this flipping of I Know Him So Well. I mean, what's the point? Why do they have to fight? It's not like it's Florence's fault Anatoly decided to run off (at least not in this version) since it was pretty clear from the beginning that him and Sveta weren't doing,, super great. The original song has its own issues but I stand behind the concept of Florence and Sveta bonding over their shared experiences with shitty men and especially this shitty man. Now it just makes me like both of them less. And it still doesn't pass the Bechdel test. Ugh.

- Molokov gets a Tragic Backstory because everyone needs one i guess

- It is not smart to fuck with the KGB. Anatoly appears startled by this.

- Side note this act has too little Freddie in it where's my epic rivalry where is the drama

- The way the stage is set up for the final match is pretty cool though

- This match feels a little anticlimactic but in a way that sort of works? Everyone's made their choices already? This is just the inevitable end to the tragedy and you can feel it.

- It does make the whole 'singing the names of previous champions' thing seem a little out of sync. We're past that, this obviously isn't about chess anymore.

- The circular ending is neat. The Story of Chess still doesn't fit the rest of the narrative. Again, very little actual chess in this.

- At this point I don't really care about Anatoly's feelings but Florence deserves better. Normally I'd say she deserves Svetlana but this Svetlana is kind of terrible so, hm, no. She deserves to be single and recover from her breakdown in peace i honestly don't want her to see any of these people again.

Well I definitely understand why this is some people's favorite version! The story's close to solid, and even though everyone's an asshole, they all have their moments of being... if not sympathetic, then at least just pathetic (looking at you Freddie) enough that the audience can give a damn. Personally i still prefer RAH, but then I did come here by way of Rent so I'm biased.

Anyway if you haven't seen Chess på Svenska yet go watch it, you will come out of the experience a different person but you won't have wasted your time :)

#chess the musical #chess musical #chess på svenska #long post #thoughts

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justsomeoneintoomanyfandoms · 3 months

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hello, could i get a matchup for genshin impact and honkai star rail? pronouns: any are fine, he/him preferred sexuality: questioning but maybe slight masc lean zodiac/mbti: leo/virgo (depending on if you're using the old one or the new one), INTJ 4w5 appearance: 4'10 (i'm not even that young i don't know how that happened) with pale skin, i have mid-length straight black hair. huge eyebags kek personality: to people i don't know well i'm relatively quiet, although i will make sarcastic comments every now and then if i find it funny. if i know someone more closely (or i just think they're annoying), i will do everything in my power to be as eccentric as possible. i will say the most controversial (and borderline creepy) things in public, and i get a ton of side-eyes which i find hilarious. i honestly have a ton of problems at home and mentally, but i don't vent, and if i do, it's done in a humorous way. i can't really take care of myself (nor do i ever feel the want to), so i'm very physically weak. sometimes i'm nice, but it's kind of offputting and comes off as jealous or clingy. i think of myself as having anxious attachment, but the one time i dated someone (i honestly don't know if i even liked them, i can't comprehend my emotions) i literally just avoided them like the plague. they grew their hair out and they listen to emo rock bands. the sad part was that they came back to me and we dated on and off for three years. we held hands ONCE. tbh i did actually find it endearing but i never showed or talked to them about that... likes: i don't know, every few months i change my entire personality and get obsessed with something. it's never really consistent, but some things i currently find myself enjoying are gacha games, having people compliment me, etc. whenever someone gives me an ounce of attention i go giggle about it and kick my legs for about two seconds before it wears off. this goes for both positive and negative attention dislikes: i don't know about dislikes either. i guess self-hatred goes here, i seriously can't think of anything. i don't really care for morally wrong things either. hobbies: just like everything else i change hobbies. rn it's working on a discord server. honestly i don't even think i'm redeemable atp i feel bad for anyone who gets paired with me

Hi Anon! Thank you for your request! I hope you like your matchups!

In Genshin Impact, I match you with...

Aether’s a wonderful matchup for you. He’s an interesting balance of quiet and outgoing so he’s a bit eccentric himself.

Doesn’t like hearing you talk about how you don’t think you’re redeemable but he also understands that sometimes you feel things and those feelings are messy.

Instead of trying to get you to suppress those feelings and negative thoughts, he’ll do his best to help you realise that, even if you still believe those things, you also deserve to be happy. He cares about you and wouldn’t have it any other way.

He’ll also compliment you a lot, always a genuine statement about something he admires about you. He thinks you’re really cool and does his best to make sure you’re aware of that.

Aether’s a really good person to be around since you like change. He’s constantly travelling so things will never get stagnant and you get to see lots of new places.

In Honkai Star Rail, I match you with...

Wow, both male protagonists! You’re certainly lucky! I think Aether and Caelus are similar but different in some very distinct ways.

While Aether is a more gentle partner, Caelus is the type to pull you along with him, not giving you time to doubt yourself.

More than happy to help you take care of yourself. He knows it can be hard just existing sometimes so he wants to do what he can to help the person he cares about most.

Loves playing gacha games with you. He is responsible with his spending though so neither of you have to worry about getting carried away with trying to get certain characters.

Much like Aether, Caelus is constantly travelling, both around and between worlds. You’ll get the chance to see lots of new places and incorporate new things into your appearance and personality whenever you want.

#writing #fanfic #matchup #matchup request #request #genshin impact #aether #honkai star rail #caelus

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aetheternity · 1 year

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Just thought of something… what if Venti with reader who doesn’t believe in Barbatos. They’re together but Venti hasn’t told reader his identity yet and their opinions on Barbatos are “I just don’t buy into that church of favonius nonsense. No one’s even claimed to have seen him in a millennia. The anemo archon doesn’t exist/ has long since abandoned Mondstadt if he ever did.”

Like, how would Venti take finding that out? Would he be devastated beyond belief that his love thinks this way of him and potentially do something reckless to prove them wrong? Or would he find it interesting or amusing the way Zhongli takes a liking to skeptics like Keqing?

And this relationship is serious, so obviously he’s got to tell them at some point. Would he reveal himself immediately because he can’t bare his love having the wrong impression of him any longer, and he wants them to love all of him which can’t be the case if he’s keeping a secret like that. Or would he wait a bit and try to subtly change their mind, or at least make them more open minded from behind the scenes before revealing himself.

Either way, I know Venti would want reader to see his whole identity so they can love all parts of him, and no matter what way Venti goes about revealing himself, reader will accept him because if their boyfriend whom they love more than anything is Barbatos than they love him as Barbatos as well.

-🌕

Oh hey 🌕 I was starting to think you weren't coming back its been a while.

Ok so when I read this ask I was thinking about this fic I read one time. (Don't even ask me the name I definitely don't remember) where reader didn't know Venti was Barbatos but Reader was like a super self confident person who was always talking about how they could fight a God and then Venti is just sitting there giggling when his partner brings up how they could beat the shit out of Barbatos easy.

He's all, "He wouldn't know what hit em, babe. 🥰"

But I feel like Venti would be a little confused, maybe a bit sad if his partner just flat out doesn't believe in Barbatos. I mean he's probably dealt with nonbelievers before but one of those nonbelievers being his partner hurts a lot more than he'd imagined.

He'd probably ask his partner little questions like, "Do you genuinely believe Barbatos is the kind of God who'd completely leave his people."

Like Reader explains in complete detail what kind of God Barbatos seems like from a personal view point and Venti just listens to his partner sort of vent before saying, "I actually like to believe in Barbatos. His stories are so interesting like have you heard about the one where Barbatos ruined a prized tablecloth during a meeting of all the archons? There was red wine all over the place!"

"See it's stuff like that, what kind of God do you know would do something like that?"

And Venti just kind of shrugs, "Maybe it's more likely than you think."

I'd like to imagine his s/o is like talking to Diluc and Diluc thinks Venti's partner is already privy to the knowledge that said lover is a god. So like a random patron says thank the anemo archon or something and in a huff reader is all like sure whatever and Diluc says some shit like,

"Wow, Venti's been putting you through the ringer lately hasn't he. Not that it's any of my business though."

And Reader's all, "What do you mean? Me and Venti are fine."

And Diluc goes, "Well you didn't seem to enjoy hearing him mentioned just now so I assumed a bit." He looks away for a second to set a clean glass down and when he looks back up Reader is like 😳

The second Reader finds Venti and sees him softly sat beneath the Windrise tree it's like all that anger starts to cease. Reader stomps up and Venti's eyes stop on his troubled lover's face.

He stands and turns to look at his partner, "What's the matter, you look out of breath.."

The conversation was supposed to be simple. Reader had thought about what to say all the way there but the actual words came out differently, "How could you lie to me?"

Venti's more than a little taken aback. He side steps and blinks trying to piece together exactly what Reader thinks he hasn't been honest about. "Lie to you? What do you think I lied to you about?"

"You're Barbatos."

And finally his secret is on the table. He honestly wants to chuckle just kind of clear the weird atmosphere but he just sort of scratches behind his head. "Oh.. that.."

"How could Diluc know but I didn't?" Reader continues

"Love.." He takes your hand hoping you don't snatch it away and he feels a warmth in his chest when you don't. "I wasn't quite sure how to tell you. I had a dilemma on my hands you had your own preconceived notions and you should be allowed to question what others believe in. Had you known you might've immediately begun to love Barbatos simply because he's a part of your lover. Which I don't think is fair to either of us." He cups reader's chin to force their eyes to meet. His smile is gentle, reassuring and loving. "But you're my most important person ever.. so I'll tell you everything about Barbatos now that the cat is officially out of the bag."

"You just let me insult you.." Reader sighs into Venti's shirt. "I want to know everything! Tell me everything I want to love Barbatos the way I love Venti."

#I went a bit overboard #cal answers #🌕

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loveotomization · 8 months

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i got unbaaaanned here's an ask: can i get a behind the scenes for (one of) your fav/s akekita scene/s you've written, any fic 👀 like, how did the idea come to you, or some fun fact abt the writing process... if you have anything to share ^^

Thank you for this!! I've been dying to have an excuse to talk about this stuff, you have no idea!

This wasn't exactly what you asked, but I thought I'd mention that people who have read my stuff in general point out my use of off-the-wall metaphors/similes. If anyone enjoys my little flair in doing this, I highly recommend reading the works of Peter Beagle! I shamelessly stole the technique from him and made it my own. I recommend starting off with The Last Unicorn (it's a classic for a reason), but any of his older works share a similar style (A Fine and Private Place, Folk of the Air). I'm not sure that I would be a writer today without him.

Anyway...

-Fun fact: Akechi is easier for me to write than Yusuke. I, too, am very angry inside and probably just need a hug lol It's cathartic. Although, two years of studying art in college actually helps with writing Yusuke, because I don't need to look up art terms.

-In Aesopica, the ending was highly inspired by my favorite Tokyo Ghoul fic, in which Kaneki turns the tables on Tsukiyama in the end (huge content warnings for that TG fic btw). I loved how satisfying the circular nature of it was and wanted to try something similar. I knew the ending I wanted to create right from the first chapter.

I cannot remember how I came up with the fruit bowl to both mark the passing of time, and the decay of their relationship. But go past me for coming up with that! My 2017 brain was the real mvp.

This is also my longest fic and you will not see me write anything this long again lol I just don't have it in me. Shout out to long fic writers, I'll have some of whatever you're snacking on.

I also remember this being something of a vent fic. I was sad and wanted to my faves to be sad together. While I do enjoy supportive akekit, where they both grow together, I also love when they just make each other worse.

-Sliced Halves, Light Syrup, please imagine me in the grocery store staring blankly at a can of peaches while concocting an entire fic. Writers are very normal people.

This is also my second most popular akekit fic. Fluff sells, I guess. I prefer my darker stuff tbh!

-After Aesopica, my personal favorite of mine is Psychosomatic. I'm shy about my love of organ-fondling since it's not a common thing to be into (there's not even an official ao3 tag for it lol), so I'm grateful to the person on the kink meme for prompting this. Knowing someone else was interested allowed me to put myself out there and write it. I re-read it not long ago just for fun, and it holds up. It's the intimacy of literally touching the insides of someone, you know?

-I'm scrolling through my akekit fics now and wow! I do not remember some of these? Who wrote these while I wasn't looking??

-Kilroy Was Here was going to be serious angst about Akechi forcibly kissing Yusuke so that he would no longer trust him, because he feels like he doesn't deserve trust, blah, blah... But the idea of Yusuke annoying the crap out of him before they got to that point was so funny to me that I had to run with it. If anyone was wondering about my sense of humor, this fic is it. (I am not funny)

-Born to be Posthumous 69 kudos harr harr... I enjoy this one even if it wasn't as popular as some of my others. I remember being depressed and angry and wanting to take it out on Akechi.

This is getting long now, but it was fun! Thank you again! Hopefully this wasn't too far from you asked! Most of my scenes just come to me as I'm writing with a basic idea in mind, so I just toss them in as I go. A humble chef tossing anything she finds in the fridge right into the soup.

Now that I'm back from my writing hiatus I definitely plan to bring out more akekit when I can!

#akekita #goro akechi #yusuke kitagawa

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