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#worried sick about una <3

pocketramblr · 1 year

Note

En AU donde izuku es una version rebobinada de all for one, y second se ve obligado a cuidarlo con yoichi, no quieren encariñarse con el, por si recupera sus recuerdos.

We're standing our ground here with "a quirk did it" who's quirk? How? Why? Doesn't matter. A quirk did it.

1- Yoichi is in the chaotic attack, his brother searching for him as he tries to stay out of sight and still help and avoid falling rubble, but he hears his name from his brother and looks back just to see a blast of light hit AFO and he just vanishes.

2- Yoichi runs toward him, sure it's a trap but he has to see- and instead, tangled up in the clothes and admittedly fabulous coat, is a toddler with bright green eyes and even greener hair.

It's been a while since Yoichi saw that color- his brother had been born with green hair but it has turned white slowly with each quirk he stole and used. Not like Yoichi's, which went white so quick as a sick little baby. And their eyes were the same again- gone was the quirk AfO took to make them glow red in intimidation

3- Yoichi bundles up the baby and flees as the chaos changes to wonder where AfO is- his men looking for their leader, his enemies terrified for a sneak attack. Second and Third regroup with Yoichi, and ask where he found a baby. Yoichi evades, saying he heard him crying in the rubble, but both know there shouldn't be any children that young on the base. But they can discuss it later, after they get to a safe little hideaway

Yoichi admits it to Second once they're alone, but begs him not to hurt his brother- he's just a child now, innocent, hasn't done anything. Second isn't so sure it's not a disguise and a trap, but agrees that if it's real he won't hurt the kid. He couldn't bring himself to hurt Yoichi either, after all.

4- Yoichi calls him Izuku- it's AfO's actual name, though Yoichi is the only person alive to know that, and he isn't going to take that name from his brother. He makes sure Izuku grows up with stories of heroes, and generally does everything he can to make sure he's good. He did almost have a panic attack once when Izuku told him he hadn't finished a story he previously enjoyed, until Third reminded him that Izuku probably just got distracted like all kids do and would finish it later once he remembered. Second made sure there was always someone watching him for months, worried about the kids suddenly transforming back and killing them, but after he was injured woke up to see Izuku asleep, holding his hand, tear tracks on his cheeks he figured there was no way AfO would go that far, even for a trap. They stop worrying about Izuku remembering being evil and focus on trying to limit the chances he'll go all demon lord again.

5- all's well until Izuku's about nine years old, when he rushes home with a white streak in his hair and panic on his face and Second drops the plate he was washing and Yoichi drops the knife he was sharpening- he rambles to say that he saw an older kid in the park having an anxiety attack, and tried to help him and felt like he could remove something, so he reached out his hand on instinct and took Danger Sense that was overwhelming the teenager, and he was better for all of one minute before he panicked again at all the dangers he wouldn't sense coming now first, and Izuku gave him the meta-power back but he was still scared and other people were going to come see and Izuku ran home as far as he could and he didn't know he had a meta power too! Can he be a hero with it?

Third faints dead away at that, and neither Yoichi nor Second help him up as they both hurry over to Izuku instead, reassurances and questions and plans to get out of town immediately tumbling over each other and culminating in a very tear, shakey hug.

#ask game #anon #pocket talks to people #i like that one. i see it more as Third Wheel Uncle but it could be trio holders who knows #not Izuku. who also did not know about his quirk #but secrets have a way of unburying themselves huh #long post

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insertsomthinawesome · 2 years

Note

Hello Meeko again! You will probably be hearing from me more often lol I'm a Diluc main so I see Diluc I click! So you don't mind if I bombard you with a few questions do ya?

Do you have any Genshin/anime crushes?

Cause I definitely don't have one *cough* Albedo *cough*

Sorry I must have a cold-

What do you think of the head cannon that Thoma and the Ragbros played together when they were children?

I adore your Whumptober art especially with Diluc in them! We just love making our favorite characters suffer huh? XD

Since the hidden strife event the theory that Kaeya is Khnareiahn (sorry if I didn't spell it right) Royalty had been cut down but, I still have the feeling Dainseif and Kaeya know eachother somehow. Whatcha think?

I've also been curious on who you main, I'm guessing Diluc or maybe Zhongli since their you favorites, but ofc, I main Albedo and Itto as well.

Anyways, How are you doing? I hope your doing better! Sorry if I annoy you with questions.

I hope your having an amazing day Amigo!

✨Ve a brillar como una estrella!✨

-Meeko

Hi again!!! :D o/ SADFSDFSDFASFSDF that's very fair :D Diluc is a good lad. I do not have any Genshin/anime crushes really. I think i've maybe had like... 2??? In the past??? But usually my favorite characters aren't crushes!! They're just the characters I think are neat for various reasons. :D DSFSDFSDFASFSDFSDFASFASDF albedo is a good bean :] Funnily enough I know so many people who like albedo SDFSDFSDFSADFSF I think The Thoma Ragbros headcanon has the potential to be so so much fun. I'd love to see a deep fic about it honestly. Thoma coming back to the ruins of Diluc and Kaeya's relationship could have some FANTASTIC angst. Especially if both of them were still really good friends with Thoma. I can Imagine Thoma would be very sad about it ;;v;; AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA YEAH, one of the hallmarks of my favs is that I put them through a lot of pain xD so I am very much shaking your hand there AHAHAHAHA HOnestly yes. There's at least one jab at Kaeya specifically in the first quest Dainsleif shows up in (i've started playing the game back in like May, but I'd watched a lot of quests on Youtube before that, so I knew it was the first Dainsleif quest) On top of the fact that they're the only two Khaenri'ahns. I think maybe it might be a red haring? But like, I do think it's likely that there's some connection between the two of them. On a purely Technical level I'm pretty sure I count as maining Kaeya? xD I don't have Diluc (sadge) and I got Zhongli recently. But Kaeya's pretty much always in my party unless a Talent/Weapon/Artifact Domain doesn't gel well with his Element. He's a good lad and I love having him around, he sparks joy. :D Still a little sick unfortunately SDFSDAFSDFSDFSD but i've been able to still complete a lot of stuff despite that, which is nice :D AW no worries! Answering questions can be fun sometimes :D I hope you have an amazing day too!! Thank you so much for you kind words!!! :D <3

#ask #yourpalmeeko #isa screams

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bnuuybee-writes · 1 year

Text

How my faves would react to me if I age regressed (this is entirely self indulgent)

Forward: I age regress as a coping mechanism. I didn't have the best childhood, and I make up for that by goin Babey. Pls don't mix this up with ddlg/ageplay as that sexualizes my coping mechanism and it's a trigger for me personally ^_^💢 ty and enjoy this self-indulgent ramble

~~~

Diluc Ragnvindr

-He's surprisingly good with kids tbh. Albeit a bit awkward at first, but he's good with kids.

-Honestly when I brought this point up to him he was like "you can,, you can do that????"

-I think it also helped explain why Kaeya became so clingy when he was getting drank under the table by Rosaria.

-He wouldn't know what to do at first, since I would probably be very quiet and chewing on my thumb/knuckles before he'd step in

-"We don't do that, little angel. C'mon, let's get you something to chew on."

-I would always cling to his arm/be behind him whenever we'd walk.

-He would never let me out of his sight or let go of him in a crowded area.

-If he saw me stress/vent regress, he'd try and be as gentle as possible with me.

-Ofc he'd slip up from time to time, accidentally yelling at me when he finds me after I wandered off, not because he's mad but because he's worried sick if I would hurt myself.

-When he sees the tears well up in my eyes, he realizes his mistake and lowers his voice, kneeling down and wiping the tears away.

-"You just... scared me for a second. I thought something bad happened to you, you know how this town is... I never meant to scare you, little angel, I'm so sorry... C'mon, let's go to my tavern. I can make you whatever you want, okay?"

-All in all, he's an amazing bubba n I love him so much for being so gentle. And after I come out of it, I'd wanna go right back in just so I can snuggle him some more :((((

~~~

Diavolo Una (for narrative sake, I'm separating Doppio and Diavolo maybe theyre twins or smth idk-)

-He's experienced with kids. Hell, he's been caring for Doppio since he can barely reach the countertop.

-Between work and running a mafia, he doesn't have time for any kids, let alone a regressed partner. Normally, he hands me off to Bruno and goes back to paperwork.

-When his schedule does clear up, however, he melts at the sight of me sitting on the floor playing with dolls in the playroom he built for me.

-When I came out to him about this, he didn't question it one bit. The man has a stand that can stop time and runs a damn mafia where a kid is literally named Orange, you really think he has room to judge? Man's seen it all.

-When he comes into the room, he covers my eyes and I giggle, feet kicking in the frilly cute socks he got me and I cling to him, nuzzling into his chest.

-And he sits on the floor with me, listening to my babbles through my decorated pacifer he got me as a gift after I came out as a regressor.

-"That sounds interesting, piccole pesche. Please, tell me more."

-He'd do my hair in little braids, calloused hands working through the short strands of bleach blonde hair as I construct nonsensical stories of pirates and princesses and dragons. And he listens.

-Diavolo always listens. From my Barbie movie infodumps to nonsense I concoct in my head because it sounds cool. And honestly? That's the best thing I can ask for in a papa. </3

~~~

Arataki Itto

-You wanna talk fun caregivers? This is the guy.

-He had. Zero idea what age regression was. Seriously, he tilted his head like a confused puppy (does it make more sense at a 45° angle bud????)

-When I explained it helps me process and get through my childhood trauma in a healthy manner, he was murderous. Like, quiet, scheming murderous.

-Obv I calmed him down and told him that it's a coping mechanism. And from that day, he swore to protect little Archie.

-The first time I regressed in front of him was when I was having flashbacks. He came home and saw me curled up in the middle of the bedroom floor, rocking and holding my head, hearing small whimpers escape my lips.

-Immediately, he knew what to do, taking me into his strong oni arms and patting my back in a rhythm, shushing me softly.

-"It's okay, little demon... It's okay, they ain't gonna hurt'cha anymore, alright? Y'er safe with me, it's okay..."

-After I calmed down, my throat refused to make a noise, and I started gesturing for a pacifier. He looked confused as he picked it up, a dingy little paci that's been overused and the designs have faded. He gives it to me anyway and tells me to wait here, giving me his jacket for comfort.

-He leaves for a few minutes and comes back, seeing that I'm still on the floor, curled up in his jacket with the old paci in my mouth. He then introduces new gear - a new sippy cup for when I want drinks, some onesies he found that are solid, soft pastel colors, and a new pacifier. One with a moon rabbit design.

-When I tell you I damn near cried at the level of gentleness and care this man displayed.

-Normally he's big and loud and flamboyant, but around me, when I'm in the mind of a four year old child, he's quieter, gentler, and makes himself appear not as Giant Inazuma Gang Member Itto, but as Bubby Itto, my protector and goofball caregiver.

-He'd poke my nose and tell me silly stories that make me giggle til my sides split. He'd make funny faces during peek-a-boo and smile at my reactions. And during the quieter times, he'd hold me in his lap, singing softly until I fell asleep.

-Itto is such an amazing cg, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

~~~

C!Technoblade

-His whole bit is punting orphans and destroying cities, do you really think he'd know how to care for a child?

-Granted, he does a good job with Michael... Until he tried teaching him anarchy and Tubbo had to shut that shit down real quick.

-So when I came out to him about age regression, he hid his "oh shit" reaction very well... Not.

-At first, he was confused. When he saw me sitting on the floor, quiet and unmoving, he poked me with the handle of his sword and asked if I was okay.

-When "Tech'o!!!" escaped my mouth and I hugged him, he was like "... well shit-"

-He called up a few people he knew who either have children or knew how to deal with children, and then he began... Building.

-He put me down for a nap with some warm milk as he built, giving me his cape for warmth, and when I woke up, still small, he had made an entirely separate room for me to be small in.

-Light green and yellow carpet, soft to the touch, with a pastel blue bed and gentle blue walls painted to look like a blue sky. I was ecstatic when I saw the room and he smiled. A gentle smile came over the pigman's face.

-During quieter times, he sits me on his lap and teaches me about stars and Greek heroes from years past. He reads stories of mighty dragons and brave (or stupid) heroes that go to fight her.

-When I'm playful and want his attention, him and I reenact those scenes from the books. Which normally ends in me crying because I genuinely think I killed him.

-Then, he magically comes back to life and picks me up, spinning me around in his arms before we fall in the snow, laughing as our breath appears in puffs in the cold.

-"Y'er makin' me soft, honeybee... Dunno what that's gonna do to my street cred, but at this point, I don't care. Y'er my lil' honeybee teachin' me about life again."

#genshin impact #jjba diavolo #jojo pt 5 #diluc ragnvindr #arataki itto #diavolo una #c!techno #age regression

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danielxricciardo · 3 years

Note

Hi girl!! I love everything you’ve wrote! Couldn’t say how much I enjoyed reading one shots of F1 drivers! I have to ask if you could do one for Carlos? He and reader are expecting but keeping it secret, Carlos won the race! And he ask if he could hear her through radio, though with some glitch, all other drivers and teams hear Carlos’ radio, he tells her how he’s so happy with the win but more than anything about their little one on the way and now everyone knows the secret of pregnancy because he suddenly slipped it while talking to her on radio👶🏻 I can’t imagine how will other drivers will congratulate him (like Daniel, Max, Landooooo! Seb! And even Kimi!🤣) I think Lando will be overjoyed and will be presenting to be Godfather already Hahahaha!

Summary: Having a baby and everybody finding out

Warnings: fluff

Word count: 1.5k

You realized that you were pregnant after a series of fortunate events that, individually, you did not take as alarm signals.

One evening, Carlos decided to spare you from cooking dinner and ordered your favorite food from your favorite restaurant. You were very excited to eat it, but when the food arrived you were on the verge of throwing up because of the smell. You told Carlos you couldn't eat, so you just ate an apple and went to bed. The next day, after Carlos left for the gym, you couldn't get away from the toilet because if you took a few steps you would feel like throwing up. However, when your boyfriend came home, you didn't feel so sick anymore, but you didn't tell him what happened to you because you didn't want to worry him.

You had a vague idea that you could be pregnant but you wanted to wait until Carlos leaves for France for the Grand Prix.

The day he left you went to the pharmacy and bought two pregnancy tests.

Positive.

You just sat down and cried. You stared at the positive test for several minutes. Honestly, you were so hormonal and conflicted about the timing that you bawled your eyes out. You were both happy and worried. Carlos was busy with his Formula 1 career, you didn't know if it was appropriate to add a child to the dynamics of your life.

But you recovered immediately. You are talking about Carlos, of course, he will be happy to have a child with you. You've been together for four years, you knew you would be together for the rest of your life.

The next day you did another pregnancy test, just in case. Positive, obviously. You went to the pharmacy again, and you took four more tests, to do one every day until Carlos came home.

"Hey, honey. I missed you," says Carlos entering the house.

You didn't even let him take off his shoes. You handed him a gift box in which you put the six pregnancy tests you took.

"Amor, did I forget an anniversary?"

You nod.

"Open it."

You see him take the lid off the box and take out a pregnancy test. Then another one, and another one, until he took them all out. You could see it on his face, he was scared and overwhelmed.

"Seriously?" he asks.

You nod and bite your lip, a few tears run down your face.

"Amor, that's wonderful! Ay Dios Mio! Are we going to be parents?"

You laugh and kiss him long.

"Yes, we will be parents."

You have scheduled an appointment for the next day to confirm the pregnancy and determine how many weeks you are pregnant. It looks like you're 10 weeks pregnant, so that means month 3 of your pregnancy. You couldn't believe that for almost 3 months you didn't realize you were pregnant, but you always had an irregular cycle, so it's not really incomprehensible.

You and Carlos have decided not to announce publicly that you will have a child just yet. For now, you were happy to share the news with your families, wanting to plan a nice way to tell your friends as well.

You know that feeling you get at certain times of the month when you want to cry at every cheesy commercial or could explode with anger at the drop of a hat? Pregnancy is like that sometimes, except 10 times more intense. With your new hormones raging, and more stress in your life than ever before, what with getting a nursery together and preparing to welcome the precious baby into the world and all, emotions are high. Tempers are bound to flare.

That is how you felt sitting in the paddock with Carlos who was preparing for the race. He was starting from P3 so he was pretty excited and nervous for the race. He saw your state, he knew you too well.

"Ay, mi Amor, come here," he said and hugged you to calm your nerves. "Don't worry, ok? It's an easy race, I'm gonna win it for you and the little bean, ok?"

You giggle at the sound of Carlos's nickname for the baby. You kiss him and smile.

"You know I don't really care about winning. Just come back to us. Safe." you say, your voice barely a whisper, not wanting anyone around you to hear your discussion.

"Si, pequeña. Always."

Sure, you were always concerned when he was racing. But especially now when your hormones were driving you insane and you were growing another person in your body. But you trusted him. With all of your heart. If he said he will come back to you, he will.

It took you a few moments to understand what was happening. Carlos Oñoro was hugging you, yelling 'He won!' and you looked at the screens in front of you. He did. Carlos Sainz was the winner in Monza! He kept his word, he won for you and your child.

"Hey, Y/N!" you hear your name being called by Riccardo Adami, the race engineer of Carlos. "The winner wants to talk to you."

You giggle and go to him. 'The winner'... Has a nice ring to it.

"Hey, baby! Congratulations!" you say excitedly over the radio.

"Si, mi amor! I told you I'm gonna win for our baby! I love you both so much!"

What you didn't know was that there was a glitch over the radio and every driver heard Carlos talking about 'your baby'.

"Aaa, guys? Why am I hearing Carlos over the radio talking about a baby?" Charles asked his race engineer.

"There's a glitch. Come to the garage."

"A baby?!" Lando yells into the radio, making his race engineer flinch. "Was that Carlos saying he is going to have a baby? Oh my God!"

You were waiting for Carlos to come out of his car, being absolutely clueless about the hysteria you two just caused. Carlos was just about to get his helmet out when all the drivers came to you two, yelling congratulations to you both. You looked at Carlos. Did he tell someone about your pregnancy? Did you give it away?

"Uh, thank you but how did you find out?" Carlos asked, clueless as you.

"We heard it over the radio," Kimi responds giving you a genuine smile.

"This is not how I wanted you guys to find out," Carlos said and put an arm over your shoulders, kissing your head. "But, yeah, it is true, we are having a baby."

"Mate, you're having a baby! That is so crazy! You are basically a baby!" Daniel says and hugged you both.

"And who is the godfather?" Lando asked and everyone laughed.

"We just found out two weeks ago, there are still five months to think about it," you say and bit your lip and Lando pouts. "You'll be considered, Lando."

After three months you decided to have a gender reveal for your family and friends. You could have had it a lot sooner but you wanted to be at an appropriate time for everyone. All the drivers came, as well as your family and Carlos's too. You made everyone wear a piece of clothing according to the gender they think your baby is. You were surprised to see the majority of the people being team boy, but as Lewis said 'They just want to make sure the third generations of Sainz is coming in Formula 1' and you know he was right.

"Look, listen to me, I have three kids, ok? I know, for a fact, by the way you are carrying that it is a girl!" Sebastian said and you laughed. He was wearing his pink T-shirt with pride, being 100% sure he is right.

He was.

You were having a girl and you could swear that Carlos cried a little when he saw the pink confetti. He hugged you for a few minutes, being still in shock.

"Una niña pequeña..." he whispered in your ear. "I am not ready."

You laughed and kissed him.

"You are gonna be the best dad ever, don't worry."

"No, I know that. I am not ready for her to date! And she'll go to university, no..."

"Carlos, she is not even been born yet! You have plenty of time to spend with her."

"Hi, guys, sorry to interrupt!" Lando appears near the two of you, making you break apart from your hug. "Did you think about the godfather or... or this is not a good time to ask?"

Everyone heard him and started laughing.

"Mate, remember the bag I gave you when you arrived?" Carlos asked him and Lando nodded. "You can look inside the bag now."

Lando got the bag and inside was a white romper saying 'Will you be my godfather?'

Lando looked at the romper with tears in his eyes.

"Well, if you insist..."

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abbacchiosbelt · 3 years

Text

Team Bucciarati | Vento Aureo Mobile Masterlist Part 1 🐞

Bruno Buccellati

Fluffy Text With a Sick S/O

Spicy Text with His S/O

Funny Text With his S/O

Android!Bruno Headcanons

Animal Crossing Headcanons

Body Hair Headcanons

Bruno Using Sticky Fingers to Unzip His Dick

S/O Who Can’t Sleep Without a Stuffed Animal

Fooling Around With His S/O In Front Other People

“You’re my perfect match.”

Bucci Gang In a Haunted Mansion

S/O With Endometriosis

Platonic Headcanons

What Underwear Bruno Wears

Poly BruAbba at an Amusement Park

Ideal Date

Playing The Sims

Consensual Gun Play - [Not SFW, Drabble]

Bruno With A Depressed S/O [Self Harm CW]

Discovering His S/O Dislikes the Mafia

Rollercoaster Headcanons [by my wife!]

Stay and Love Me - Poly BruAbba x F!Reader - [Not SFW, Fic, Commission]

Rainy Day In with S/O, Fluff and Smut

Crush Falling Asleep Next to Him

New Member w/Pokemon

S/O Who Laughs at Dumb Shit

Handsy Bruno NSFW Headcanons

Laugh Headcanons

“Head In The Clouds” S/O Headcanons

Welcoming His New Baby

Using Sticky Fingers Headcanons - Not SFW

What kind of roleplay does he like?

Phone Sex Challenge

Accidentally Calling Him ‘Daddy’ + Poly BruAbba

Poly BruRiz Headcanons

Small Boobed S/O

Fluff After A Bad Day - Drabble

Sub!Bruno

Chubby GF Headcanons

What porn does he watch?

What body type does he like?

Going Down on His S/O

Walking In on His S/O Touching Themselves

NSFW Alphabet Part 1

NSFW Alphabet Part 2

NSFW Alphabet Part 3

NSFW Alphabet Part 4

Sexual Experience

What He Likes to Hear During Sex

Stolen - Diavolo!Bruno x F!Reader [Not SFW, Angst, Fic]

Always Forever - Poly BruAbba x F!Reader [Not SFW]

Big Chungus Text

Bruno Confessions

Poly BruAbba Confessions

BruAbba Confessions

Leone Abbacchio

Yandere Tarot Cards [Temperance]

Yandere Tarot Cards [The World]

Yandere Tarot Cards [The Emperor, The Lovers]

Tag Prompt Generator - Drabble

Body Hair Headcanons

Spanking Headcanons

Fooling Around With His S/O In Front Other People

“I’ll do whatever the fuck I want to you, got it?”

Hair Pulling Headcanons

“I was wondering how long you were going to keep making out like that until you realized you weren’t alone.”

“Hold my hand tight. I’ll protect you.”

Bucci Gang In a Haunted Mansion

Platonic Headcanons

What Underwear Abbacchio Wears

Poly BruAbba at an Amusement Park

Happy to Say - Abbacchio x F!Reader [Not SFW, Daddy Kink, Commission]

Shower Sex

Say You Will - Siren!Abbacchio x GN!Reader - [Not sfw, Fic]

Accidentally Calling Him ‘Daddy’ + Poly BruAbba

Ideal Date

Playing The Sims

Bodyguard to Bruno’s S/O

Discovering His S/O Dislikes the Mafia/Police

Rollercoaster Headcanons [by my wife!]

Stay and Love Me - Poly BruAbba x F!Reader - [Not SFW, Fic, Commission]

What does he smell like?

Dad Headcanons

Opinions on Booty

Rainy Day In with S/O, Fluff and Smut

Feels Right - Abbacchio x Reader [Fluff, Fic]

New Member w/Pokemon

S/O Who Laughs at Dumb Shit

Moonlight - Abbacchio x F!Reader [Not Sfw, Consensual Somno, Fic]

Laugh Headcanons

S/O Turned on By His Voice

“Head In The Clouds” S/O Headcanons

Welcoming His New Baby

What kind of roleplay does he like?

Phone Sex Challenge

Food Play Headcanons

Accidentally Calling Him ‘Daddy’ + Poly BruAbba

Submissive S/O

Meeting Polnareff

Chubby GF Headcanons

What porn does he watch?

Going Down on His S/O

NSFW Alphabet Part 1

Fluff Alphabet Part 1

What He Likes to Hear During Sex

Always Forever - Poly BruAbba x F!Reader [Not SFW]

Big Chungus Text

Abbacchio Confessions

Poly BruAbba Confessions

BruAbba Confessions

Guido Mista

Duty - Alpha!Mista x Omega!S/O - [Not sfw, A/B/O]

Yandere Tarot Cards [Death]

Body Hair Headcanons

Mista Cheering Up His S/O

Pegging Headcanons

Fooling Around With His S/O In Front Other People

S/O Who Likes Being Choked and Spanked

"Say my name, I love hearing you moan."

Bucci Gang In a Haunted Mansion

S/O With Endometriosis

Platonic Headcanons

What Underwear Mista Wears

Mista With a Trans Man Crush

Try - Mista x GN!Reader [Not sfw, Fic]

Shy S/O Blurting Out a Love Confession

Ideal Date

Lights Out - Mista x F!Reader - [Not sfw, Fic, Consensual Somno, Commission]

Playing The Sims

Accidentally Calling Him ‘Daddy’

Opinions on Booty

General NSFW Headcanons

Rollercoaster Headcanons [by my wife!]

Rainy Day In with S/O, Fluff and Smut

New Member w/Pokemon

S/O Who Laughs at Dumb Shit

S/O Worried About Mista Dying

Laugh Headcanons

“Head In The Clouds” S/O Headcanons

Dad Headcanons

What kind of roleplay does he like?

Phone Sex Challenge

Food Play Headcanons

Chubby GF Headcanons

What porn does he watch?

Going Down on His S/O

NSFW Alphabet Part 1

Sexual Experience

What He Likes to Hear During Sex

Paradise Isn't Far - Mista x F!Reader - [Not sfw, fic]

Big Chungus Text

Mista Confessions

Pannacotta Fugo

Cute Texts to His S/O

Fugo Sharing a Bed With His Crush Headcanons [SFW]

When do you think help will come?” “Not for a while, I guess we’re stranded here alone for the time being.”

Bucci Gang In a Haunted Mansion

Platonic Headcanons

Ideal Date

Playing The Sims

Rollercoaster Headcanons [by my wife!]

Hard-Boiled - Fugo x Reader - [Fluff, Fic]

New Member w/Pokemon

Laugh Headcanons

S/O Who Laughs at Dumb Shit

“Head In The Clouds” S/O Headcanons

Dad Headcanons

General Fluff Headcanons

Meeting Polnareff

Fugo Confessions

Narancia Ghirga

S/O Who Spoils Him

Bucci Gang In a Haunted Mansion

Ideal Date

Playing The Sims

Platonic Headcanons

Rollercoaster Headcanons [by my wife!]

New Member w/Pokemon

S/O Who Laughs at Dumb Shit

Laugh Headcanons

“Head In The Clouds” S/O Headcanons

Dad Headcanons

Fluff Alphabet

Stray Cats Headcanons

Narancia Confessions

Giorno Giovanna

Thoughts on Giorno

Bucci Gang In a Haunted Mansion

Platonic Headcanons

Ideal Date

Playing The Sims

BF Joining Passione

Rollercoaster Headcanons [by my wife!]

New Member w/Pokemon

S/O Who Laughs at Dumb Shit

Giorno Spoiling His S/O

Laugh Headcanons

“Head In The Clouds” S/O Headcanons

Dad Headcanons

Cuddling With Giorno - Reader x Giorno [Fluff, Drabble]

Fluffy Headcanons

First Date Headcanons

More Fluffy Headcanons

Giorno Confessions

Trish Una

Wedding Headcanons

Bucci Gang In a Haunted Mansion

Ideal Date

Playing The Sims

New Member w/Pokemon

S/O Who Laughs at Dumb Shit

Laugh Headcanons

#masterlist #mobile masterlist #my writing #vento aureo #vento aureo masterlist #not sfw #fluff #fic #drabbles #bruno bucciarati #bruno buccellati #leone abbacchio #guido mista #pannacotta fugo #narancia ghirga #giorno giovanna #trish una

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levi-my-beloved · 3 years

Text

Birds of a Feather

Chapter 3

Pairings: Canon!Levi x F!Reader

Content warnings: Violence, implied torture, two pining idiots being two pining idiots, probably ooc Levi cuz oof i suck

Word count: 8.2K

Summary: You were the most notorious criminal in the Underground City. With your organisation of highly skilled professionals, only one man could take you down. He also happened to be Humanity’s Strongest… and your ex.

Previous Chapter

First Chapter

A/N: y’all these chapters are getting real long now… and they only get longer as i keep writing. just wanted to a say a quick and huge thank you for the amazing support i’ve had so far. i honestly didn’t think anyone would read this little story and it’s so heartwarming to see people enjoying it

i love every one of y’all so much 🥺

𖣔𖣔𖣔𖣔𖣔𖣔𖣔𖣔𖣔𖣔𖣔𖣔𖣔𖣔𖣔𖣔𖣔𖣔𖣔𖣔𖣔𖣔

If your hands were free, you would have shielded your eyes as the blinding sun greeted you. You weren’t quite expecting it to be so bright. You knew the overhead world was nowhere near as dark as it was in the Underground City, you’d seen the rays of light spilling down from the toll gate but never in your life had you expected life to seem so..,

Vibrant.

Blinking a few times, you almost had to force yourself to remember your circumstances, gently pulling against your chains. The look of awe on your face was unmistakable.

“Holy shit…” you breathed, eyes now wide as you took in your surroundings. It was warm up here. Really warm. The sun gently beating down on the busy streets. Levi appeared next to you, pushing you forward to continue up the stairs.

“Don’t get used to it, you’ll be in a cell before long,” you were expecting to catch some satisfaction in his tone, but there was nothing other than contempt. You took a breath, managing to resist attempting to kick his shin as you kept climbing the stairs, now fully embraced in the sun’s light. Though it didn’t last as long as you would have liked. Sooner than you deemed necessary, if you were honest, a carriage clattered up in front of you. It was surprisingly lavish considering you were a criminal. Squinting in suspicion, your hesitation only earned a rough push against the back of your head.

“Get in.”

“You never were one for manners were you?” you drawled after stumbling clumsily into the carriage. The plush leather seats squeaking against your own getup, leather on leather disagreeing with each other.

“Not when it comes to people like you, no,” the raven haired man took up a seat opposite you, immediately folding his arms as staring out the small, curtained window. A muscle in your jaw flickered in irritation.

“People like me? You mean people like you? Or have you really forgotten where you came from? Did you lose brain cells as well as your sense of self?” god you just wouldn’t let up, would you? Levi rolled his eyes, successfully masking how much he hated the way you spoke to him. Like nothing ever happened between you. He understood. Of course he did. He knew why you were so upset. Why you were trying so hard to hurt him. He knew you wanted him to hurt the same way you did, but knowing what you were doing wasn’t going to stop the spear you kept repeatedly driving into his heart.

You attempted to shift ever so slightly, just so your hands weren’t painfully crushed against your back. Once again the thought of kicking him crossed your mind, but the situation wasn’t exactly in your favour right now.

It was only a few moments of awkward, deafening silence before you two were joined by both Erwin and Hange, the latter opting to sit next to you, seemingly not worried about whether or not you could still skin her alive even with your wrists bound. Erwin sat a respectable distance from you, despite the size of the carriage. The man barely fit, it was only because of your own size and the size of Levi did you assume you were all able to travel together. That still didn’t stop the man opposite you from throwing you a disgusted look as your knee grazed his. Just to piss him off, you did it again.

“SO! Raven, you’re joining the Scouts?” Hange blurted out, earning her a glare from Levi, a sigh from Erwin and a baffled scoff from you.

“Yeeeaaah… no. That’s not happening.”

“I’m afraid you don’t have a choice in the matter,” Erwin chimed in, almost defeatedly.

“Why don’t you just do what you usually do with criminals? Hang me as some sick entertainment for the public.”

“That can be arranged.”

“Levi…” Erwin warned lowly, to which Levi simply clicked his tongue in response.

Shit, that one hurt. He really didn’t care for you anymore, did he?

Once again, if you had your hands free, you would have run them through your hair. Joining the Scouts? That was never really something that ever crossed your mind. It didn’t seem to make sense. Why on earth would they want to draft you in? The question was swiftly pushed from your mind, replaced by another. Something you’d been burning to know ever since you realised the Scouts knew your location.

“Who was it?” you asked quietly, staring at your feet. Levi stiffened, shifting his eyes from the window back to you. Your demeanor struck a chord with him. You looked defeated, shoulders hunched over. “Who betrayed us? I just want to know.”

A heavy silence settled over the trio, none of them wanting to be the one who broke the news. The bond and connection between you and your Nest was strong. Trust ran through your veins, so to have it broken by any one of them was already shattering your very being.

“A woman. Brown hair, blue eyes. Scarlett, I think her name was,” at that moment, everything seemed to stop. Your world froze. It was Scarlett. Your own lover. Your wife. The woman you trusted more than any of them. She had betrayed you. Betrayed all of you. She was the one who put Una’s life in danger. The one who was responsible for the scar across her neck she would carry forever.

The three Scouts looked at each other, each not really knowing how you would react. Not even you knew how you were going to react. You were stuck in limbo. Everything and nothing was going through your mind. You didn’t know how long you’d sat there staring at nothing, simply trying to process this information, but it must have been an uncomfortably long time, if Erwin’s awkward throat clearing was any indication, gently bringing you back from your thought spiral.

“Oh.” was all you could manage, still not able to raise your head. Your eyes started to burn after not blinking for seemingly too long. How could she? How could she betray you? To the Military Police, of all people. You hadn’t cried for a very, very long time, but damn you were close.

Shit this entire ordeal had been difficult, but seeing you so defeated was next level. Levi dug his fingernails into his palm to stop himself from holding you. From comforting you. He still knew you well enough to tell when something was wrong. Very wrong. And although his stomach twisted slightly with the ideas of who this woman was running through his head, it was all he could do to tear his eyes from your hunched shoulders, returning his gaze to the window as the world passed him by.

“Did you know her?”

“Why would I tell you?” you tilt your head, glaring at Hange next to you, your jaw clenched. You may have just felt the last remaining fragment of your heart shatter, but that didn’t mean you would give them any more information than you had to.

“Raven, I give you my word, we will leave The Nest be,” Erwin tried his hand at reassuring you. None of this made any sense. Why were they being nice? Don’t they know how many soldiers you and your people had slaughtered? How much you had stolen from their warehouses?

You raised your eyes, seeing Levi glancing at you cautiously. Silver hues flicking over your defeated form with that same, cemented expression of boredom, before slowly looking back to the window. You spent the rest of the journey in silence, going over all the events that had led to this moment. How you could have possibly let this happen.

You trusted Prongs. You knew he would take care of your family. But Scarlett…

The bony claws of betrayal grasped your throat, gently squeezing until it became difficult to breathe. The walls of the carriage started closing in around you. Helplessness tainting the corners of your mind. You were stranded. Captured and soon to be forced into the military. To face those titans you’d heard so many people talk about.

You’d found the first man to ever hold your heart. You’d lost him, and then you’d found him again. And you could almost feel his hatred for you.

And though you put on a brave face. Though you put on an act to convince him you felt the same…

You couldn’t find it in your fractured heart to return his hatred.

The gentle, rhythmic clopping of hooves came to a slow stop, the door opening outwards to let the four of you out. Hange hopped down the step with seemingly boundless energy, before immediately engaging in conversation with a taller, worried looking man. Erwin stepped down, but once again you refused to move. If you could make their lives as difficult as possible, you would. Pure spite was fueling you now, your only current reason to carry on.

“Oi, move,” it was a blunt command, and one you paid no mind to. Not even raising your head to acknowledge Levi had said anything. “Hey. Did you lose your hearing on the way here? I said move,” a sharp kick to your shin prompted you to tilt your chin just enough to shoot another one of your glares in his direction. He too had to keep up his charade until he could get you alone and finally have a proper conversation.

“Go to hell,” was your only response, heavily debating spitting in his face as his hands once again grasped your arm. You flinched ever so slightly at the contact, something that didn’t go unnoticed, but it appeared Levi didn’t care.

Levi did care. Holy shit did Levi care. What the hell had happened to you to prompt you to flinch in such a way? Who the fuck had laid their hands on you? Who the fuck had hurt you like that? He allowed the rage to course through his veins, before letting it simmer down. He would deal with that later.

You stumbled as you were almost thrown from the carriage, knees colliding with the stone beneath you before you were dragged back to your feet

That fucking hurt. You started to think that maybe you could return his hatred. The next chance you got, you were driving you knee into his fucking gut. But for now, you decided to settle your glare on Erwin as he was talking to a darker haired man who kept glancing in your direction. It’s only now you realised your condition. You were filthy, mud and grime greasing your hair, blood and small cuts littering your face and knuckles, a dark bruise blossoming on the underside of your chin. Levi’s hand still held you firm, preventing you from even attempting to escape. Not that you would. You really couldn’t see the point, other than running into titan territory yourself. You tensed as the tall, haggard looking man approached you, apprehension mixed with disgust clouded his eyes, but it was an expression you refused to flinch away from.

“The Raven?” you couldn’t help raising a brow.

“Stupid fucking question. No, I'm just an innocent bystander dressed like The Raven for a costume party. I just so happened to think a pair of manacles clasped around my wrists completed the look,” you hissed sarcastically, and you could have sworn you heard something that could resemble a laugh from behind you, but it was so miniscule it was difficult to tell. If only this had been ten years ago.

You watched with satisfaction as a muscle twitched in his jaw, before the man managed to compose himself.

“My name is Niles Dok, Commander of the Military Police soldiers you seem to have so much fun slaughtering,” he introduced himself in a way that made it seem like the last thing he wanted to be doing was introducing himself to you right now.

“So? Do you want a written apology or something? Have to take these chains off me first,” you spat, with the innocent smile of an adder. This seemed to rile the man up more, to the point where he fisted your hair painfully, yanking your head up. His voice lowered to a dangerous murmur.

“Listen you little whore, I don’t know which door to hell you crawled out of, but I have men specially trained to deal with rats like you. They take pleasure in every agonised scream they can rip from your filthy mouth,” you refused to let your panicked, racing heart rule your mind, using every ounce of mental strength to hold his stare, firing back with a nasty glare of your own. And it took all of Levi’s willpower not to launch himself at the MP Commander.

“Go fuck yourself,” the retort came so naturally as you actually spat in his face. It gained you a much more satisfying reaction than you imagined you would get from Levi.

Swiftly removing his hand from your hair, you slumped back, staring up at the man between the now dishevelled strands. Wiping your saliva from his eye. You flinched as the back of his hand came up to strike you. Quicker than you would have expected, Levi was immediately by your side, eyes glinting with murderous intent. But before anything could happen, Niles’ hand was caught by Erwin behind him.

“Now, now Niles. Don’t go harming my soldiers,” his voice was borderline condescending as the MP Commander turned to look back to Erwin with an expression of disbelief.

“You can’t be serious? Erwin, this wasn’t part of the deal. You said—”

“I said we would aid you in capturing her. What happens to her after, is up to us. Think of it as collateral,” he reminded Niles of the deal they had struck before their meeting earlier.

“I didn’t think you would force her to join the Scouts. Are you insane?” It was a question Erwin had heard many times before.

“She’s just another calculated risk,” —he explained, before turning to his Captain— “Levi, take her to where she’ll be staying for the next week,” you had absolutely no idea what the hell was going on, but honestly, you were just glad Erwin stepped in when he did. You didn’t fancy whatever strike was about to land on you, and didn’t want to deal with whatever trauma it would drag up from your less than agreeable past. You didn’t have nearly enough time to unpack Levi’s own movements.

“Tch, why me? Why not Four Eyes?” his eyes slid to the scientist, who seemed to be engaged in an increasingly elaborate conversation with that poor, poor soldier. Even you felt a pang of pity for him.

“Because I’m afraid if I let Hange take her, she’ll end up in her lab rather than the cell,” Erwin sighed tiredly, looking at Levi with almost pleading eyes as the conversation behind him got louder and louder.

“Fine. But you owe me,” he responded, before tugging you away with him. You were almost sorry when you no longer felt the warmth of the sun on your back as he led you inside.

It was a walk full of disgusted glares and crude remarks. Clearly everyone had heard who you were by now, if that wasn’t evident by the snarls of “Bitch” and “Underground rat.” It didn’t really phase you. What these people thought about you was their issue, not yours. Though, you wouldn’t mind beating every single one of them within an inch of their lives given half the chance.

You failed to notice Levi’s ever darkening expression behind you. The glares promising a painful death thrown in every direction. The way a muscle flickered in his jaw at every passing comment. It was only until the hallway was empty did he feel that tension ease a little.

“Down here,” Levi instructed, leading you down a narrow staircase. As if you could go anywhere else.

“Yeah, no shit,” you snapped, earning you a harsh shoved down a few stairs.

“Don’t get smart with me.”

“Why? Afraid you won’t understand me?” that feigned sweetness to your tone was one you had perfected over the years he was gone, and was possibly your favourite form of sarcasm. He clearly didn’t dain your retort worthy of a response, the only sound to be heard being the echoing of your boots against the stone. It reeked of damp and rust, a different stench to the filth of the Underground. Speaking of which…

“You’re disgusting,” a flatly delivered insult was thrown your way as Levi guided you into one of the cells.

“I’m so sorry, I forgot to have a shower before you ambushed us. I’ll be sure to remember next time so I can smell like a fresh forest. I’m sure it would be a more homely smell for you,” you couldn’t help the sarcastic remarks that flew from your mouth. But you fell silent as he began removing your manacles. Instantly a plan formulated in your head. This could be your only chance at escaping. You just had to wait for the right moment.

As soon as the chains were removed from your wrists, you thrust your head backwards, in hope of catching his face. But you were met with nothing but air, and the sounds of quick footsteps behind you.

“You’re even easier to predict now you’re in a cell. Don’t try stupid shit like that,” did he forget how to change the emotion in his voice? He was never the most emotional person you’d met, but he would at least sometimes change his voice from ‘bored’ to ‘slightly irritated’. You were starting to wonder what else he had forgotten during his time here when the iron bar door to your cell was slammed shut, the key clicking in the lock. Now you were certain you couldn’t escape, you took in your living space for the next week. The bare minimum had been provided. A bed with no bed clothes, a rustic sink you weren’t even sure worked, and a broken mirror. Great.

The scraping of a chair behind you piqued your curiosity, turning you head to see Levi had taken a seat in front of your cell door, elbows resting on his knees.

“The fuck are you doing?” you asked, rising from your knees to turn and lean against the wall, arms folded.

“Waiting,” god damn his single word responses. You huff in frustration.

“Waiting for what?”

“You.”

“I could strangle you with my bare hands and feel absolutely nothing right now.”

“You’d have to escape first.”

“What makes you think I can’t?”

“What makes you think you can?”

As much as you hated to admit it, he was right. There didn’t seem to be any way you could escape these walls, you’d already done a quick run down. Threading your hands through your hair in irritation, you cross to sit on the pathetic material they thought was a bed.

“So?” you ask, still no closing to knowing what the hell he wanted. Once again, he didn’t deem your question worthy of a vocal response, opting instead to raise a thin eyebrow. You briefly fantasise about driving one of your long lost daggers into his goddamn eye, before simply brushing it off with a roll of your eyes. “Fine. Stay there and stare at me. It’s your time you're wasting,” you shrugged, flopping back onto the bed, arms thrown out either side of you.

“What have you been up to?” you couldn’t help the bark of sour laughter at the question.

“Seriously?”

“What?”

“After all this time, the first thing you ask me is what I’ve been up to?”

“Would you prefer me to ask you something else?”

“What’s on the menu?”

For a moment, it almost felt like no time had passed since you’d last seen each other. It felt like only yesterday did he have you in his arms, curled up in his bed, gently running his hands over your exposed waist, revelling in how soft your skin was against his.

Running a hand through his dark locks to bring himself out of his thoughts, he changed the trajectory of his questioning.

“Who taught you to fight like that?

“Self-taught.”

“Bullshit,” you winced at his response, raising your head slightly to stare at him, wondering who gave him the audacity to doubt you.

“Oh yeah? Not all of us had the advantage of stupidly strong genes, shortstuff,” shit, you hadn’t said that nickname in a long, long time. Clearly he hadn’t heard it for a long time either, judging by the way his eyes widened his body stilled. Neither of you were able to comment on the irony of the name, considering you were just as vertically challenged. Managing to shake yourself from your daze first, you realised that was a lot for both of you. “Sorry,” you murmured, averting your gaze.

“No, it’s… fine,” there was no malice in his voice. No hatred, a surprise that caused you to turn your head back to face him. Levi cleared his throat before continuing. “How’d you get that scar?” the second question caught you off guard, not expecting anything so personal so quickly. Naturally, you responded with something sarcastic.

“Tea party gone wrong,” an irritated sigh echoed off the dank walls, clearly not satisfied with your answer.

“What happened to you, Raven...?” if it wasn’t for the acoustics of the room, you would have missed the comment, but your heart clenched painfully as the third question reached your ears.

“You left, so I moved on,” you didn’t mean to sound so small or vulnerable. You didn’t mean to drag your knees up to your chest and clasp your arms around them. You didn’t mean to turn your head again, avoiding his gaze.

Levi mentally begged you not to look that way. He’d never seen you so insecure. And that itself broke his resolve.

Standing from his chair, Levi crossed the small space to the barred doors, not thinking twice about unlocking it and leaving the key in the lock. His body was almost acting on a it’s own. Years of taking you into his arms and holding you suddenly came back to him and he wanted nothing more than to take you in his arms once again.

But he hesitated.

You both did.

After raising your head to look at him, you watched as he stopped in the centre of your cell. Almost as if he was silently asking for some sort of permission to just do something.

You shifted slightly so you were leaning against the iron bars rather than the stone wall to the back, Levi taking this as the silent permission he needed to take a seat next to you.

Shit, the instinct to throw yourself into his arms was almost overwhelming, but you refrained, not wanting that kernel of hope to smoulder into nothing when he rejected you.

Levi was the first to break the silence.

“Hey.”

“Hey,” you responded, looking up to him between the loose, mangled strands of hair now obscuring your face just a bit. Age had been kind to him. His features, now much more defined. He was still the same man you knew back then, but this one was more chiseled. You looked away when his eyes found yours.

“You look like shit.”

“I feel like shit.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I know.”

It wasn’t the exchange you were expecting, this quick back and forth, but you wouldn’t say it was unwelcome. A familiar warmth started to spread in your chest.

“How’s the jaw?” you asked, eyes wandering to the now hefty bruise against his pale, soft skin. You remembered when you used to leave marks of similar colour all over his body. His neck, collarbones, abdomen, thighs…

“‘S’fine. How’s the chin?” his own eyes slid back to you, silver irises scanning your face briefly.

“Yeah. Fine,” you let the silence settle for a moment, before breaking it again. “Sorry I kicked you,” Levi grunted in quiet amusement.

“It was a damn good plan. Sorry I knee’d you,” it was only when he heard your gentle chuckle did he realise just how much he’d missed you. Every fibre in his body was begging him to roughly tug you into his body. To cup your face in his hands and seal your lips with a burning kiss. But all that changed when he shifted slightly and you flinched at the sudden movement. He stilled, waiting for you to relax again before he too settled back down.

“You knew her, didn’t you?” it was a rhetorical question. Your reaction after the reveal told him everything. Not only did you know her, but she was somebody close to you.

You stayed silent for a couple moments, not really knowing how to respond to his shift in conversation. You decided to match it.

“Yeah. I did,” you wouldn’t tell him. Not unless he asked. You wouldn’t tell him who she was to you. What she was to you. That still fucking hurt like hell.

“‘M’sorry.”

“You say that a lot,”

“You’re one to talk,”

You didn’t even try to quell your small laugh, letting it echo off the stone walls. Even Levi couldn’t stop a small chuckle at your amusement, feeling himself completely at ease in your presence.

“Did you really move on?” it was his turn to feel small. His turn to feel a little vulnerable. He couldn’t bear the thought of you just moving on from what the two of you had. Just throwing it all in the past and leaving it there.

“Yes and no.”

“The hell does that mean?”

You sighed, tightening your grip around your knees. You hoped this wouldn’t be as painful for him to hear as it would be for you to say, but you didn’t hold out much hope.

“Yes, I moved on. I’m not the same girl I was. Trust me on that. I’m not the same girl you fell in love with, nor the girl who fell in love with you,” you had to take a breath, suddenly finding the air down here far too thick. “She wouldn’t have survived down there. That girl would have been killed by some pig the moment you left. So... I killed her myself. You already know I’ve been part of The Nest for a while, but I wasn’t really one of them, if you get what I mean. I didn’t stay with them, I didn’t eat with them. Sure, Viper took me in after my—“ you stopped, burying that can of worms before you even opened it. That wasn’t something you wanted to bring up right now. “Viper took me in, taught me a few things, but I stayed with you. I didn’t have to be one of them when I was with you. But when you left… I didn’t exactly have a choice. I couldn’t be so naive anymore. I couldn’t be so hopeful. I had to be realistic, and to be realistic, I had to hurt a lot of people. I had to see a lot of things,” you allowed the weight of your words to settle before you continued. “But that girl. That girl you knew. She never stopped loving you. Up til the moment she drew her last breath and I took over. She loved you. But I moved on,” you fell silent, realising that yes, this had been just as painful for him to hear as it was for you to say.

It was a long while before Levi spoke again, nowhere near as confident as he was.

“That’s who she was to you,” just as he thought seeing you again couldn’t get anymore painful. Just as he thought your words couldn’t get anymore painful. “You loved her?”

“Yes, but not completely. Part of me was still devoted to you. I think that’s why she did what she did. Scarlett was never a spiteful person, but she did hold one hell of a grudge against you. And I suppose, in a way, me,” the silence was so thick you thought you could cut it with one of your blades.

“She’s still there.”

“Hm?”

“That girl. She’s still there. You’re still in there.”

“Now look who’s being naïve,”

“You’re trying to tell me this new, supposedly ruthless killer would kick the shit out of some soldiers for hurting a kid. You’re trying to tell me this new cold hearted thief would bring medicine to an elderly woman and her son?”

“I—”

“You’re telling me this new, heartless little dealer would earn the respect and thanks of thousands of Underground rats? Because to me, that sounds like bullshit… (Y/N),” he wouldn’t accept it. You weren’t gone, he could see it in your actions. You were still there. His (Y/N) was still in there.

Hearing your name in his low, warm tone after all this time sent a jolt through your system. And when he turned to look at you, he could see silver lining your eyes. It took everything in him not to reach up and gently wipe them away.

“I’m not going to stop until you see what I see. I’m not going to let you think you’ve become this heartless, mindless killer just because you had to adapt. Because you had to survive. I’ve finally found you again. Do you know how long I searched for you? How many hours I spent tracing every single path I knew you would take. Asking every filthy mongrel I could find. Most of them said you were dead. Some of them said you were missing and hadn’t been seen in months. Years, even. But until I found a body, or some kind of proof you were dead, I couldn’t accept it,” well this certainly caught you off guard. Levi was never one for long, heartfelt speeches, or verbal communication at all, actually. So this was a little overwhelming. Two tears slipped down your cheeks, sliding through the sudden cracks in your defenses and leaving a trail through the thin layer of grime and dirt.

Levi kept his eyes trained ahead, knowing that if he saw you crying, his restraint would break and he wouldn’t be able to stop himself from holding you. But he knew he couldn’t. From the way you’d reacted to his small movements, he knew suddenly tugging you into him would scare you.

“I’m sorry,” your small voice wrapped around his fragile heart, both settling it and cracking it. He went to extend his hand towards you with the intention of smoothing down your hair, but the way you winced, almost anticipating something much more intense, made him stop. Shit, you really did look like a husk of your former self. He remembered the way your eyes used to glint even in the low lighting of the Underground.

“You should rest,” it was an appealing enough suggestion. Enough to draw a barely concealed yawn from you. Leaning your head against the iron bars behind you, you swore you could have fallen asleep there and then. Comforted by his presence.

You immediately missed his presence as soon as he stood, tempted to reach out for his hand but not wanting to push him away.

As if he felt your confliction, Levi stopped to turn back to you.

“I’ll be back in the morning. Rest, (Y/N),” it wasn’t like you could disobey when your mind and body was so eager to sleep.

“Fuck…” you muttered, running a hand down the side of your face, exhaustion hitting you like a punch to the gut. This wasn’t exactly how you saw your day going today, but you couldn’t exactly say you weren’t thankful. You didn’t know what you were, honestly. So much had happened, you knew you would need time to process everything.

The screech of metal against metal alerted you to the key once again locking you within the cell. Dipping your head, you watched the dark haired man return the keychain to a small nail in the wall.

“Hey…” Levi turned to you as you called out, his expression as soft as it was a few moments ago. “It’s really good to see you again,” a thousand butterflies suddenly exploded in his stomach. How long had he been waiting to hear those words? And suddenly, he found himself unable to reply.

“Tch, go to sleep, Raven,” he reveled in your amused hum as he turned on his heel, leaving you to recover after today.

꧁ꨄ꧂

Levi ran a hand through his hair. Sitting at his desk in his orderly kept office, he could barely focus on the reports in front of him. That haunted look in your eyes had left a significant mark on him. The way you now spoke was so different to the bubbly younger girl he knew.

With a shake of his head, he attempted to divert his attention back to the account of the mission today. You’d taken down a few of his men yourself, he recalled watching your blades find purchase in his makeshift squad. A few others hadn’t returned from where they’d chased your Shadows. Actually, most others didn’t return.

As predicted, it was a bloodbath.

Leaning forward, he reached for his tea, continuing to scan over the document until his eyes settled on your alias, and he couldn’t help but wonder why you hadn’t told anyone your name. It prompted a memory he wasn’t expecting. He’d tried so many times to bury his past. Thinking about it saved him from thinking about his lost friends. But it was unavoidable.

“Hey! ‘Re’ya gonna buy anything? Or you just gonna keep staring?” Levi peaked out from behind the legs of a taller man, peering at the young girl who seemed to be giving his father figure sass. He couldn’t understand it. Didn’t she know who he was? She didn’t look much older than him. Maybe eight? Nine even?

“Listen little missy, I don’t think you wan’ to rush me,” the southern lilt of Kenny’s dangerously low voice didn’t seem to deter the little merchant. Levi’s eyes widened as she folded her arms, her grubby face creasing as she frowned. For someone so young, she certainly had an impressive glare.

“Or what? You gonna kill me? I sell to the whole street, mister. You kill me, they starve,” Wow, she really seemed to have this whole thing going for her. Levi looked up at Kenny, able to just make out the subtle smile under the shadow of his hat.

“What’s your name, little girl?

“Hmph. What’s it to you?” she retorted, stepping closer. It was only then she seemed to notice his presence. Her glare seemed to soften almost instantly, head tilting in sheer curiosity. Her sparkling, (E/C) eyes widened upon seeing him there. He only occupied a fraction of her attention, before it returned to Kenny, that scowl also returning.

“You’ve got guts kid, I’ll give you that. But maybe that’s simply cuz you don’t know who I am,” he mused, picking up one of the loaves of bread you were currently selling. They weren’t fresh. Nothing ever was. But it was the best your family had to offer.

“Kenny the Ripper, right? Yeah, I’ve heard of you. Seen your ugly face in the newspaper when those shits up top toss their trash through the grates. And you better buy that now your filthy hands have been all over it,” Levi couldn’t tell if this girl was brave or stupid. He’d never heard anyone speak to Kenny like that and actually get away with it.

“(Y/N) (L/N)! Watch your language young lady! And what have I told you about mouthing off to customers?!” her face quickly morphed from a glare to something he could only describe as sheepish. An older woman leaning out from the door behind you. Her hair colour was different to yours, but those eyes… they were your eyes.

“But Maaaaa, I was just—“

“No buts. Inside, now,” her voice was stern, but Levi was perceptive from a young age. He could see the softness in her eyes as the girl pouted. Turning back, he watched her send a cheery wave goodbye in his direction, pausing slightly as it wasn’t returned. Her brows furrowed, before she darted inside.

“Quite the brat you got there,” Kenny remarked, handing over a coin in payment for the bread he’d picked up.

“Yeah, sorry about her. Pain in my ass but her heart’s in the right place. I hope,” Levi wasn’t really paying attention to the conversation, too distracted by watching the same girl clamber out the open window and onto the ledge above. Only using her right hand to climb, she paused, as if calculating something before shimmying along the wall, round the corner and out of sight. Before Levi even had time to question what the hell he’d just witnessed, her head popped round the corner, eyes searching for him. He raised his brows in question when she gestured for him, whipping back round the corner. Seeing Kenny still caught up in conversation, he quietly left the two adults, heading for the narrow alleyway she’d just ducked into.

“Hey,” the whisper made him whirl, stopping to see her cautiously step from the shadows near the wall. “You looked hungry, so I stole this from our stocks,” it became apparent as to why she was only using one hand to climb when she presented another, slightly smaller loaf of bread. It wasn’t as stale as the ones on the stall. “We got fresh ingredients yesterday. My father’s a baker but we only sell the stale ones because we wouldn’t be able to keep up with the demand for fresh bread,” she explained quietly, her eyes wide in earnest. If it wasn’t for his ravenous hunger, Levi would have declined the offer. However, the smell was too good to pass up on. Slowly, he reached for it, half expecting her to snatch it back. But her honest expression remained, only retracting her hand after he’d taken a bite. “Don’t talk much, do you? That’s okay, I get a lot of people who are shy.”

Crossing her legs, she lowered herself to the floor, resting her back against the wall to what he could only assume was her house. He followed suit, sitting opposite her in the damp alleyway.

“Your dad’s an asshole, by the way. Very obkonshus,” Levi assumed she was trying to say obnoxious, but didn’t correct her. He almost found it endearing.

“He’s not my dad,” his blunt response had her head whipping back to look at him, almost in disbelief that he had actually spoken. A small blush blossomed across her cheeks at her mistake.

“O-oh. Sorry. I didn’t know,” an awkward silence settled over them, before she spoke up again. “Your not-dad’s an asshole,” Levi glanced at her, noting her cheeky smirk. His own lips twitched in amusement. She wasn’t wrong. Kenny was an asshole.

They stayed there until he’d finished his bread, (Y/N) simply talking about everything and nothing.

“Where’d that little rat scurry away to?” Kenny’s drawl interrupted your little conversation, prompting the both of you to shoot to your feet. The girl shot him a worried look, not knowing how this was going to play out. Levi was never one to offer reassurance, never really needing to, until now. He tried his hand at a reassuring expression, before stepping out the alleyway a little.

“Here, I was just—” he looked back to the narrow street where she just was, only to find she’d completely disappeared. His eyes widened ever so slightly, attempting to peer further down the alley. How had she done that? She was right there. Maybe you’d already started your climb? His eyes travelled up the side of the wall, but found nothing.

“The fuck are you lookin’ at brat? C’mon, we’re leavin’,'' Kenny strode past him, roughly tugging him along. But Levi wasn’t looking where he was going, silver eyes still glued to that alley, waiting for her to emerge. But she never did.

A harsh knock on his door snapped him out of his memory spiral. How long had he been sitting here? Usually he had a good grasp on time but right now it could have been four in the morning or two in the afternoon. Running a hand down the side of his face, he went to sip his tea, grimacing as the now cold liquid graced his tongue. Setting it down almost immediately, he would have forgotten anyone knocked on his door in the first place had they not knocked again.

“Levi? Are you in there?” Erwin. Great.

“The fuck do you want Eyebrows?” Erwin clearly took that as permission to enter. Not that he needed permission.

Levi raised his eyes as his Commander strode in, pushing the door closed behind him.

“I was wondering if you managed to get information out of our little criminal.”

Levi’s jaw flexed.

“No.”

“Nothing?” Erwin seemed a little surprised and Levi couldn’t for the life of him think why. He didn’t know about your relationship, and it wasn’t like he was well practiced in his social skills.

“Nothing. She’s refusing to say anything other than annoying, sarcastic quips.”

“You two aren’t so different then.”

“Oi,” Erwin chuckled at Levi’s low warning, holding up an apologetic hand.

“Apologies, forgive me. It was just a joke,” Levi rolled his eyes, clicking his tongue as Erwin took a seat on the leather sofa, crossing an ankle over his knee. “I’m surprised. I thought you two may get along. Considering your shared upbringing,” if he wasn’t talking to Levi, anyone else would have thought it was an innocent enough assumption. But over the years, Levi had learned Erwin’s tells, and knew when there was something deeper going on. But still, there was no way he could know about your literal shared past.

“She’s abrasive, rude, cocky and thoroughly unpleasant. Why on earth would we get along?” Levi knew he was lying through his teeth. Whilst yes, you were in fact abrasive, cocky and rude, you were far from unpleasant. He wouldn’t have shared his heart with you if you were.

Erwin pinched the bridge of his nose. Suddenly he looked incredibly tired, like he hadn’t slept in weeks.

“Did you know her? From your time down there. Did you two ever run into each other?” straight to the point, it seemed. Erwin hadn’t missed the Captain’s flash of recognition back when you’d taken your mask off. He hadn’t missed the way he froze to the spot.

But Levi wasn’t about to open up to anyone, especially not the same Commander that had dragged him kicking and screaming into the Scouts.

Truth be told, after that first interaction, Levi had tried his damndest to see you again at every opportunity. He’d never been shown that sort of kindness since his mother died, and he didn’t want your little spark to be snuffed out by the Underground. He didn’t speak to you very often, only silently offering to walk you home at night, warding off any unwanted attention a young woman would draw.

He offered to share his small home with you when you were both around fourteen. It had been two years since Kenny abandoned him, and he noticed you looked directionless, and though it had taken a while for you to open up, he was happy for you to stay with him until you found somewhere else.

He just never expected to fall in love with you, or for you to fall in love with him.

“No. I’ve never seen her before,” Levi lied, keeping his eyes trained on the same document he must have been staring at for the last god knows how long, too lost in his own mind to concentrate.

Erwin wasn’t quite as good at reading Levi, and so accepted that as his truthful answer.

“Very well, I bid you a good night, Captain,” ah. So it was nighttime. Noted.

“Yeah yeah, see you tomorrow,” Levi waved his hand dismissively, once again earning another chuckle from Erwin as the door was pulled shut.

Levi almost instinctively reached for his tea again, only just remembering it was stone cold. He sighed in irritation, rising from his chair. He didn’t think there was enough tea in the world to help him sort through his thoughts. But damn if it didn’t make it easier.

Rolling his now stiff shoulders, he picked up the cold brew and headed to the kitchen. It was going to be a long night.

꧁ꨄ꧂

Sleeping in the Underground City was a luxury. Despite your exhaustion, sleep didn’t come easily. You assumed you must have dozed off for an hour at least before the faint sound of multiple footsteps had you sitting bolt upright, your muscles barking in protest. You were always aware of your surroundings. Always ready, even when you may look like you were resting.

You didn’t quite know what to expect, quickly running through several scenarios and possibilities in your head. One of those possibilities rounded the corner from the stairs. Four MP soldiers now stood outside your cell, one jiggling the keys into the lock. Immediately you stood, not going down without a fight. Though it wasn’t much of one. Before you had even landed a proper blow on any of them, you were harshly kicked to the floor. Your body having not woken up properly yet, you were easy enough to subdue as they clasped your wrists together in front of you with rope. Not what you were expecting but it was more comfortable than behind your back.

You stayed silent as they dragged you further deeper into the complex of jails and cells. You didn’t imagine they would span this far beneath what you assumed was the headquarters, but nonetheless you kept walking until you were faced with a wooden door. The same soldier fiddled with the lock until it swung open and you were kicked inside.

Raising your head, you saw the room wasn’t exactly empty. An array of bats and blunt trauma objects rested against the far side of the wall, but that wasn’t what threw the spear of terror into your heart.

A single, iron hook extended down from the ceiling. It looked like it would be used for bleeding or drying meat, but you could think of several other uses for it. For example, your current situation.

The door locking behind you had your head whirling, eyes darting from the man with the key to the wood that now trapped you inside.

“Ah, Raven. I’m sure our commander forewarned you about this, I don’t really know why you look so surprised,” you shivered at the fake pleasant tone, a stark contrast to the way you were now being tugged to your feet, arms thrown up above you. You realise now why they used rope instead of chains, your wrists being hooked up above you. Your feet now only just grazing the floor, head falling between your shoulders with your loose thin shirt riding up your stomach. You suddenly regretted shedding your leather jacket earlier, wanting to be a little more comfortable as you attempted to sleep.

“We have strict instructions not to permanently damage you, however we have various other methods,” one of your torturers stalked behind you, reaching up to twist the hook so you spun with him, now facing the wall of weaponry. The other three who had accompanied you all leant against the wall to you right, as if waiting for their turn. “I thought I would be kind enough to let you choose which we start with. Since you’d be the one on the receiving end,” the sick fuck. He was really enjoying this wasn’t he?

“At least tell me what you fucking want,” you spat, thrashing slightly in your bonds. The man simply laughed, crossing to the selection.

“Oh, we don’t want information. Just for you to suffer as much pain as we did when you killed our comrades,” ah, so they had personal connections. Understood.

“I’d do it again in a heartbeat,” your crooked, satisfied grin faltered as his expression darkened, crossing the room towards you in a few strides. Roughly grabbing your chin, he forced your head up to meet his gaze as you writhed in his tight grip.

“You know, you were quite the formidable criminal down there. Slaughtering and murdering whoever you pleased. Harming those who had done nothing to you. But look at you now, strung up like a squealing pig. Fuck, if it isn’t satisfying to see,” he threw your head back down before driving his foot into your gut. The impact sent you swinging backwards, saliva flying from your mouth.

Raising your eyes, you shot him a visceral glare as he browsed his collection of weapons as if he was picking out a pastry at a bakery. Opting for the classic wooden bat, you braced yourself for the night to come, knowing it was going to be a long one.

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heartbreakgrill · 4 years

Note

Omg can I have a part 2 to the Walmart thing about how their relationship develops from there? Pls I need it :(

a/n: there will be a part 3 because I wanna write about you performing on stage and also paris!! Send more requests for anything else, too! 💘

The weeks on tour seemed to pass much more quickly now that you were falling in love. With each day, a new butterfly would land on your stomach, flapping its painted wings with a giddy smile arising to your lips.

Having been friends with Calum prior to being “his girl,” you knew that he was affectionate in his relationships. You’d always admired how kind he was to any girl he ever dated: He’d hold open the door for them, be it to his car or the restaurant, showed them with gifts no matter the occassion, respectfully ask to kiss them no matter how long they’d been together, hold their waist or hand in public and to his chest in private.

However, none of his relationships had ever lasted past three months, and no one knew why. You knew it wasn’t him, no, how could the kindest boy with the softest smile and sweetest words be the cause for girls to cheat, yell, scream, and curse his name? He was never at fault.

It was always them.

Because what you also always noticed in his relationships was that they were one-sided. The girls wanted fame, eyelashes and lip injections to add to the collection. There was nothing wrong with prosthetics or makeup, but they used him to the point that he had stopped being so affectionate over the years.

They’d shrug off his hand in public, get argumentative when he’d ask for, “the third time today!” to kiss them, get chided for opening the door because she, “was perfectly capable of doing it myself, thank you very much.”

You had made it your mission to hold Calum’s heart in your hands as if you were holding the world by the strings of your fingers. Calum was an airplane, and you were the goddess in the sky, dangling him across oceans sheets and towers of gifts.

It was a month into your endeavors when you really got good at being affectionate with him. No one had failed to notice your relationship boom, but you weren’t trying to hide it. So, there was a tranquil balance for everyone.

It was the morning of their last day of European press before everyone got a week off in Paris. Then, you’d be flying back to the US to finish the tour, only to end up in Los Angeles. That would three months from now.

You were curled into Calum’s blankets, having moved from your bunk to his because it was unfairly larger. Your heating blanket was plugged into his wall, his roll of fabric abandoned in his drawer beneath you. You had been discussing with him for weeks that he should figure out how to make it into a proper blanket, but he said he didn’t feel like it because he was, “only good for playing the bass.”

Your boy, and his brothers, were inside an office building with press all day. The show would be shortly after. Crystal was outside with Moose, letting him run off much needed steam. Sierra was in the living room, watching a movie. You had plans for dinner, but that was still an hour and a half away.

You drug yourself out of bed, only slightly bored because you finished the books you had bought again. You pulled fresh clothes out of your suitcase, showered, changed, and plopped down beside Sierra on the couch.

“You smell really good,” she commented, turning down the television so you could hear one another.

“It’s a mixture of my perfume and Calum’s cologne because this is his hoodie,” you giggled lightly while your fingers pulled at the strings on his jacket.

Sierra tilted her head with a sweet smile, “You guys are so cute. I’m so glad you finally got together.”

You wriggled your shoulders happily, “Yeah...”

You sat back with her, chatting about Luke’s want to get his nails done and how attractive you thought Calum was when his nails were black all those years ago.

After a while, the movie ended and you agreed to get up to go to lunch. You grabbed your purse from Calum’s drawer when you noticed his roll of fabric. You had a good idea spring into a head and whipped around, the lightbulb above your head vanishing as you jogged out into the living room of the bus.

After telling your idea to Sierra, the two of you exited the bus and met the driver assigned for the boy’s in the near-end of the parking lot. You ate lunch at a local café before locating a fabric store down the street. You walked there, parusing the store fronts, but resisting the urge to buy too much.

You entered the fabric store and immediately approached the counter. Sierra started by the back corner, browsing through buttons and string. You were somewhere in Nothern Italy, and luckily, had went over a few phrases in the language in case you needed to use them. Because it was a small store, pretty much untouched by foreigners, you expected the cashier to not know English.

“Ciao! parlo inglese e ho bisogno di aiuto per creare una coperta da un rotolo di tessuto,” your eyes were flicked back in your head as if the words were written there, but you were able to recite them from memory.

“A blanket, tu dici?” The elder leader responded, grinning through her smile lines.

“Sì!”

After a few minutes of communicating through broke English and Italian, she was able to guide you to the proper sewing needle, string, and pattern for the blanket. She taught you an easy method to make the blanket.

After thanking her with a hug and a plenty of extra money tips, you and Sierra loaded up in the car and travelled back to the tour bus. For the rest of the day, you tucked yourself into the back room of the bus, random movies and show queued up on Netflix, a few snacks indulged in your system. You even missed the boys’ press day to finish the blanket, having Sierra tell them that you just felt a little sick.

Realistically, you were completing his blanket. Some of the seams were off, there were countless bloody pricks in your fingers, and you were sweating with frustration. But it was done by the time you heard the door of the tour bus open. You quickly shot up, shoved it in your own drawer, and closed yourself in the bathroom. With shaky hands from excitement and nerves, you bandaged two fingers on your left hand and three on your right. You washed the uncovered skin and dried your hands.

You heard a few voices move past the door, even heard Calum poking around in his and your bunk for, well, you. “Where is she?” Calum mumbled to Sierra, worry evident in his exhausted voice.

You popped out of the door, which led straight into the living room, and shuffled down the hallway. Sierra pointed behind his back with a soft smile before moving to the back room where everyone else probably was.

Calum spun on his heel, a grin growing on his face. “Hi, baby.”

You opened your arms for him, and he fell into your embrace, head shoveled into your neck and hands around your waist. You brushed the curls on his head, unbothered by the sweat laced through his hair. He hummed into your embrace, alight with adoration.

“Pardon me,” Ashton slyly passed by the two of you, breaking up your hug.

You pushed Ash away playfully, pulling a chuckle from his and Calum’s chests. “How was press?” You asked him, grabbing the tips of his fingers and leading him to the living room.

You sat beside him, legs tucked under you, knees practically in his lap. He wrapped an arm around your shoulders, staring down at you with tired but smiley eyes. “Pretty decent. I felt all sad without you there, though.”

“Well, I guess Italy’s just not interested in me,” You pouted slightly.

“It’s okay, because I am,” he played with your fingers before he noticed the bandaids. “What happened? You okay?”

You noticed his eyes turn worried, pupils dilating wider. You shrugged, “Oh, fine. I’m fine. I was doing come arts and crafts. Oh! Actually. I made you something.”

His eyebrows shot up in surprise, “Wait, really? What?”

You got up from the couch to retrieve the blanket. It was wrapped up in the Walmart bag, so you dropped it in his lap and sat back down. Calum glanced around you suspiciously, “I know you’re talented at, like, a bunch of stuff. But, if you have that many bandages, I’m slightly concerned by what’s in here.”

You smacked his shoulder, “Just open it.”

He did so, but he was not at all disappointed. The widest grin took over his face when he pulled out the blanket. He set it beside him and wrapped you up in a huge so that you were nearly straddling his lap. He pressed a firm kiss to your cheek, gushing over and over how amazing it was.

“Oh, no big deal,” you laughed, leaning back to kiss him properly. “Just thought you could actually make use of it.”

“It’s awesome. Thank you so much,” he unraveled the blanket and draped it over both of you. “It’s so warm, too.”

“You’re also sweating, so that could just be it,” you laughed.

Calum scoffed and pushed you down into the couch. “Shut up!” He exclaimed, tickling your sides.

“Never,” you pushed back with your own fingers attacking his neck.

When you calmed down from your war, you decided to go to bed, with an early flight to Paris in the morning. It was just the beginning, but Calum already knew you were better than anything he could’ve ever imagined. He couldn’t wait to spend the rest of his life with you, let alone the next week in the most romantic city on Earth.

TAGLIST: @dinosaursandsocks @everydayimfangirling @truly-charmed @wallows-spring

#5sos fanfic #5sos fluff #calum hood #calum hood imagine #calum hood x reader #calum hood x y/n #calum hood x you #calum hood fluff #calum hood blurb

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jojo-therapist · 4 years

Text

- Trish Una, “Issues”

Ask submitted by @aplaywrightcalledlucille, who says “Can I suggest Trish? She’s gone through a lot.”

Trish most certainly has gone through a lot despite her being only 15. It’s a lot to handle, especially being that young. Dare I say, she’s one of the ones who has gone through the most in her life, since compared to others she is one of the youngest.

Feel free to submit an ask of any character you would like to see a session for! I have a list that I will go through when I don’t have requests. I do not care for spoilers, so I will do any character from any part. In your ask, you may also request specific issues you would like me to focus on. I can also do characters that have already been done.

Without further ado, let’s get on to Trish!

DISCLAIMER: I am not a licensed therapist, and this account was made for fun so we can enjoy seeing these characters get therapy.

TRIGGER WARNING: Mental Breakdown

Trish: I could be doing much better things right now. I don’t want to waste my time being here.

Therapist: Is there anything I could get you? Anything that would make you feel more comfortable?

Trish: I want a sparkling water. And these couches aren’t even good, if you were a good therapist then you would probably have a better quality office.

Therapist: I apologize for my shortcomings, Trish. I work with what I have. What about you? I heard you didn’t grow up with such lavish things around you. I can only assume it’s a product of being with Mr. Bucciarati.

Trish: Well I... it doesn’t matter! Just get me what I asked for so we can get through this and go back to doing something interesting.

Therapist: Alright, I can work with that. So tell me, how did you acquire such a taste? For someone so young I wouldn’t think that you’ve had the time to try these things.

Trish: Why would you care? Are you jealous that I have good taste?

Therapist: Are you worried that I’m going to judge you?

Trish: What?

Therapist: Do you think that if you don’t ask for expensive and luxurious things that I’m going to think poorly of you?

Trish: I don’t understand.

Therapist: I’m not going to judge you because you aren’t wearing expensive makeup or jewelry. I’m not going to judge you if you aren’t a goddess. I get so many people here, people who were drug dealers and rapists, people who did inexcusable and horrible things and you know what, Trish? I don’t judge a single one of them. Not a single person who comes into my office and sits on those chairs is judged by me. I am not your judge. I am not your jury. I am not your executioner. I am just a person who wants to show you care and who wants you to feel okay.

Trish: I do feel like I’m not worth it a lot of the time.

Therapist: Want to tell me about it?

Trish: The others are so strong and I can’t keep up.

Therapist: Everyone is strong in their own way. And even then, you don’t need to add anything special to the team in order to be wanted and needed there, you just need to be there. Strange, I know. It’s an odd feeling to have.

Trish: Maybe if I was good enough, Mama wouldn’t have died.

Therapist: Do you feel guilty over her death?

Trish: She was sick and died. Maybe if I was better, even at something small, I could have done something to help her and she would still be here.

Therapist: People die all the time and sometimes there is nothing that can be done to stop it. It’s simply a fact of life that cannot be ignored. You’re only 15, you weren’t expected to save her.

Trish: If I was good enough, I could have done something to help her. I should have done something to help her but I couldn’t have.

Therapist: What about your father?

Trish: Shut up.

Therapist: I don’t understand.

Trish: Just get me another sparkling water. This was a mistake.

Therapist: Trish, it’s okay. I don’t want to hurt-

Trish: I don’t know, okay? I don’t know why. He loved Mama so much, so why does he want to kill me? What did I do that he is so hell bent on ending my life? I know that we’re trying to find him so that he can’t do anything to me anymore but he’s a gang leader who has been committing horrible crimes for so long, and he’s never gotten caught. What if they fail and he gets to me, what if we succeed and his gang members find me and kill me? I’ve heard of that doctor, of the terrible things he can do to me and the horrible ways he could destroy every piece of my body and my skin crawls just thinking about it. I don’t know what I did to make him hate me so much. Why would he have left Mama if it wasn’t for me? Why would he have abandoned her, making her think that he was going to come back and never did, if he didn’t hate me? I wasn’t even born yet, I don’t know what I did wrong.

Therapist: It wasn’t your fault, Trish. What you’re doing now is catastrophizing- you’re coming up with every bad possibility in your head and ignoring the potential good ones. Let’s try to think of good outcomes to each of these scenarios.

Trish: I can’t okay? I can’t! They’re all going to die and it’s my fault!

Therapist: Name 3 good things in your life right now. They can be anything you want.

Trish: The gang... flowers... my memories of Mama.

Therapist: See? You have good things. Focus on those good things. It’s okay to be crying like you are right now, Trish. Remember, I am not here to judge you and I will not judge you. I want the best for you.

Trish: Okay... I’m calm.

Therapist: Alright. That’s called grounding yourself- you can do it even just by naming things around you. When things get bad, I want you to try that, okay?

Trish: Alright.

Therapist: Let’s start with your first scenario. Let’s say your team fails, what is a good outcome?

Trish: If my team fails... Maybe the police or somebody else won’t? And it’ll be like in the movies, like a knight in shining armour?

Therapist: Good! So what happens if you succeed?

Trish: He gets what he deserves and he can’t get to me.

Therapist: And you’ll be safe, right?

Trish: But what about people like the doctor?

Therapist: I want you to tell me. The purpose of this exercise is that you learn how to combat your own catastrophic thoughts. I can’t always be with you, so you need to learn how to do it yourself.

Trish: Well... if we succeed, then that means that I will be protected, and we can go after them until they’re all dealt with?

Therapist: Mhm! Now, name a reason that he left your Mama that wouldn’t have anything to do with you.

Trish: He wanted to deal with the mafia and... didn’t want me or Mama hurt?

Therapist: I’m so proud of you, Trish. You’re a young child, and yet you have gone through so much. A lot of people much older than you still struggle to do the exercises that you had just done. I want you to do them any time you get those intrusive thoughts, okay?

Trish: Okay. Thank you.

Therapist: No, thank you. Thank you for trying, even though there was probably a little voice telling you it was pointless.

Trish: Can I have a hug?

Therapist: Of course, sweetie. Of course. Take care of yourself, you are enough and you’re going to be okay.

Trish: I can’t thank you enough. I’ll see you soon!

Therapist: Until next time, Trish.

-end of session-

#jojo therapist #vento aureo #trish una #jojo part five #jojo part 5 #jjba part 5 #jjba #jojo's bizarre adventure #giorno giovanna #diavolo and doppio #donatella una #mental health

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darkficsyouneveraskedfor · 5 years

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Happy Together : 12

Amor condusse noi ad una morte.

Character(s): (deceptively) dark!Steve

Warnings: this is a dark!fic, it contains non/dubious-consent elements. It goes without (and with) saying that this is 18+.

Series Synopsis: The reader is stood up while awaiting a blind date, instead finding herself keeping company with the restaurant’s famous owner; Steve Rogers. After that night, she tries to forget her humiliation but she just can’t shake one thing about that night: him.

Masterlist

Chapter Summary: The reader finds herself back where she started.

Notes: Well, this chapter gets a bit dark; a bit intense, but we get a little peek into Steve’s delusions and more of his fragile temperament. I hope you all enjoy this. And please, brace yourself for this chapter. I don’t wanna spoil it but it’s creeping up on the dark.

Thanks to everyone who reads and as always, I looked forward to hearing from you in the replies/reblogs/tags/asks. <3

Cuffed. Caged. Caught by Steve Rogers. The room seemed to shrink as he he entered. You looked to the officers on either side of him. Why were you the one in custody? Interrogated? Your heart raced as you realized your dire mistake. You should have known. Had trusting the man before you not taught you anything? There was nothing, no one in this world you could depend on.

"I apologize for my fiance's behaviour." He turned and shook Gowon's hand, then the other officer's. Her badge read Dawson. You scowled and pressed yourself against the table. "With your permission, I'd like a moment alone…" He lowered his voice but you could hear him still. He wanted you to. "She's stressed. She just needs some comfort, you know?"

"Of course, Mr. Rogers," Dawson was more than happy to agree and Golon gave a sympathetic look.

The former saviour of New York and defender of humanity still wore his mantle of charity. Why look at him; he loved a madwoman. Tore himself away from his work just to bail her out. You were speechless. What could you say? What was your word against his?

You chewed the inside of your lip as the officers left you alone with your personal villain. Delivered you into the hands of the man you had sought refuge from. The door closed, a loud click sealed your fate. His smile slowly faded. His jaw squared and he rolled his shoulders. His cheek twitched and he stepped toward you. You flinched and he put on a show of softening his movements. You stared up at him defiantly as your teeth gnashed. You couldn't let him know how afraid you truly were.

"It's okay, honey, come on and sit." He turned you back to the metal chair and pushed you down by your shoulder. He took the chair across from you and pulled it around to sit next to you. He draped his arm over your shoulder. From the window, he would seem doting; protective even. "You know people are real worried about you."

He fumbled around in his jacket pocket. He pulled out a familiar item. Your phone still wore its holographic shell. He unlocked it and held it before you face. Your Facebook was open; your timeline active despite your forced disconnection. He slowly began to scroll through the well wishes. Talia, several friends you hadn't talked to since college, your mother even. Mixed in were a dozen congratulations until finally he paused at a photo you had never seen. A photo you had never taken and yet there you were, smiling happily beside Steve Rogers; a perfectly blissful couple. Below was a message written in your voice but not by you.

‘To all my friends and family, I must apologize. For the last year I have been distant; standoffish. I could blame it on work or other everyday obligations but I think it better that I come clean.

One year ago, I met Steve and the connection was instant. We fell in love entirely and were selfish as we dove head deep into each other. It's gone fast but we can't wait any longer to announce it. We're engaged!

To you all, I thank you for standing by me. It had been a very big secret to keep and I have found planning the whole affair very stressful. That being said, I will be stepping back from my work and online to focus on keeping myself healthy as Steve and I put this all together.

We will announce the date soon and invitations will follow!’

"What did you do?" You recoiled in disgust; disbelief. With your arms bound, you nearly fell right of his grasp. "You're insane!"

He visibly bristled. He blinked and raised the phone once more. He opened up your texts and thumbed through them. "You're mother sends her regards. She was rather upset that you didn't tell her sooner but I cleared all that up."

Your eyes widened as his veneer of calm barely withheld the anger beneath. "Do it," You challenged in a hiss. "I can tell you want to. You want to spank me again, don't you? Hmm? You can't control yourself can you."

You sneered at him, waiting for him to snap. Hoping. If he bent you over and smacked your right here, surely the police would never let him take you. The tic in his jaw flared and his arm tightened around you. He leaned in so that his lips were right beside your ear.

"You're in big fucking trouble." His whisper made you shiver. He leaned back and reached up to touch your hair as he raised his voice. "It's okay, sweetheart. Let's just get you home and safe. We can push the wedding back."

He rubbed your back as he stood and crossed to the door. He knocked and Dawson reappeared.

"I hope she didn't trouble you guys too much. I know you work hard out there. I'm real sorry, she's stressed… she's sick. If it's permissible, I'd like to just take her home. I don't think another trip to the hospital is necessary."

He was lying through his teeth and he was oh so good at it. You hung your head in defeat as you listened to his elaborate fabrication. He had imagined a whole life with you and even printed receipts. You were fucked.

"Of course, Mr. Rogers. You've done this city an amazing service," Dawson preened, "We only wish you were still out there with us."

"When the time comes you just know. Can't be an Avenger and a husband." He said humbly, "Not a good one at least."

"You can take her." Dawson said softly. "Really, we understand. No harm, no foul."

You felt a tug at your wrists and the cuffs were freed with a twist of the key. Steve was once more at your side as he helped you to your feet. You shot him vilest look you could muster.

"Take care of yourself, dear," Her tone was laced with sickly honey. You kept your jaw set and ignored her as Steve ushered you past.

His arm went around your back as he marched you through the station. You felt as if every eye was watching you. Each person a witness to your betrayal. You were tense against him as you stepped out into the sunlight. If not for the situation, you would've basked in it.

How long had it been since you had felt natural warmth? Why had you not enjoyed it earlier? Why had you been such an idiot?

He led you to a car in the enclosed garage attached to the station and opened the door. You drew away from him and he caught your wrist. "Get in." He growled. You twisted your wrist and he tightened his grip. "I won't hesitate to put you in the trunk. So get in. Now!"

"I hate you." You snarled. "I hate you." You brought your fist up and it bounced of the bottom of his jaw. "Let me go!"

His winced just slightly and grabbed your other wrist. He raised them over your head and released them. He bent and scooped you up. He draped you over his shoulder. He held you with one arm and reached into his pocket, the doors and trunk clicked. He rounded the back of the car and opened the trunk. He dropped you inside, your head barely missing the metal.

He snapped closed the lid and you beat against it desperately. You heard his footsteps and the door; you felt his strength as he slammed it shut. The engine kick-started and you clawed at the interior until your hands stilled in futility.

You dropped your head, squished into the tight box. You grunted in frustration and your eyes burned. This couldn't be happening. You had gotten out. You'd gone to the police. You had felt freedom on your lungs. All this and you were to be dragged back to where your started.

When the trunk opened, you kicked out only to have your foot caught. You were torn from the car as Steve seethed. His hot breath surrounded you as he forced you across the tarmac. You struggled, heels scraped on the pavement as you neared the knobless door. You tried to keep yourself from within as you kicked your legs out but missed the doorframe. He shoved you through and you barely caught yourself from falling down the stairs as he released you.

As the door closed with a deafening clang, you were snatched off your feet. Steve had you over his shoulder once more. Your stomach leaned heavily against his shoulder as he descended. You reached for the railing, the walls, but your fingers slid over them helplessly. The door at the bottom was open still, the knob on the floor. He had not yet been home.

He carried you through the hall and into the dining room. He grumbled as he passed through the kitchen and saw the disjointed window. He entered the bedroom and slammed the door with only his foot. He dropped you onto the bed and you bounced so violently you bit your tongue. Before you could rise, he was on top of you. You batted at him with your hands but he seemed not to notice your struggles.

He grabbed the front of your dress and tore it open, the buttons flying across the room in all directions. “Get off!” You grunted as you tried to stop his hands. His eyes were dark; endless. He straddled you so that you couldn’t move, his breath hot and heavy as he pulled your dress down your arms. When it was at your waist, your hands were trapped in the fabric as his began to explore your bare stomach. “Steve! Stop!”

His hands settled on your breasts and he kneaded them roughly. He tweaked your nipples through the seamed brassiere and ground his pelvis against you. He groaned, a shiver rose through him as the bulge in his pants grew. You whimpered as helplessness weighed you down and lifted your head. You dropped it heavily with a sigh. His hands stilled just beneath your neck and he stared down at you with seething breaths.

“Stay!” He pointed at you, his finger almost touching your nose. His other hand pressed against your throat and threatened to squeeze. “Don’t move, honey.”

As he climbed off, you realized how terribly you were shaking. Your entire body trembled and you couldn’t have moved if you tried. You had never been so entirely terrified. The door opened and he wasn’t gone more than a minute. You looked up just as he returned and he held a large black chest. He set it down on the plush love seat and opened it. He pulled straps from within and your blood surged.

You sat up and untangled your hands from the dress. As he neared, you rolled across the bed. You knew exactly what he meant to do. You didn’t make it to the door as he blocked you from it with his broad figure. He reached behind him and slammed it again. He walked towards you wordlessly until you were forced to retreat and the back of your knees hit the bed. You fell onto it once more and he grabbed your ankles.

He flipped you easily, your body twisting painfully as you tried to resist. He wrapped a strap around your left ankle and secured it to the bedpost. Next he tied your right, then your wrists. He reached under you and ripped open the rest of your dress. He bunch it up and let it fall to the floor as he stepped back, admiring your form spread-eagle and face down on the bed.

You turned your head as he returned to the chest and reached within once more. He revealed a leather whip and you cursed. He slapped it across his palm as he faced you.

“I told you, there will be punishment for misbehaviour,” He growled. He rolled your panties down around your thighs as far as they would go. He rested the leather against your ass. “Now, you will take it and learn to be a good wife. And after, you can think on your lesson.”

He lifted the whip and it came down with a poisonous bite. You yelped and the tears rose instantaneously. He repeated the action, again and again. You couldn’t have kept count if you had tried. You sobbed into the bedspread as you gripped the straps that restrained you. He stopped as your ass and thighs were raw. You were certain there was blood too.

You heard the whip fall to the floor. You opened your eyes and watched as he unzipped his pants. He pulled out his cock and began to stroke. You closed your eyes, the sounds of his self-pleasure rising in groans. The bed slouched beneath him as he knelt on the mattress beside you, his cum spilled onto your ass and you turned your face to the bed.

His large hand rubbed his cum into your tortured flesh and he purred. He pulled your panties up over your damp skin and patted your ass. He untied you, your limbs falling limp against the bed. He moved your body for you. He dragged you across the bed and stood you up. You swayed as a sear went through your ass and legs. He supported you with one arm as he angled you around the room.

He grabbed the back of the sofa and pushed it aside so that it faced the bathroom door. He kicked the rug away with his foot and bent to lift the concealed hatch in the wooden floorboards. You began to panic as he guided you down the stairs ahead of him. A small room was hidden beneath with shadowy forms; a narrow bed, a sink, a small toilet. A cell worse than that at the station.

“Go, or I’ll let you fall,” He snapped. You looked at him in shock. “Go on, dear.” All his false affection, his delusional love, had gone.

You peered back down into the secret room and he let you go. You barely kept yourself from slipping down the stairs. You descended a step at a time and looked back up at him as you reached the bottom. He frowned and shook his head.

“You did this to yourself,” He said as he closed the hatch and all went black around you.

The locked clicked and you heard his footsteps as he walked away. You held onto the steps and slowly sank to your knees. You screamed until it caught in your throat and hung your head. You wept until your head pounded and your chest knotted.

What had you done?

tags: @areubeingserved @primordialhandmaidan @brigidwolf @heyiamthatbitch @ruff-m3rc @alexakeyloveloki @infernalbarnes @lanabanana-86 @sathlens @jessieray98 @lilithhellfire @kellyn1604 @ahideousthinginside @ironlady1993 @kloe-iel @grayxswan @iheartsebastianstan @myboyfriendgiriboy @tanelle83 @patzammit @phoenix21love @they-call-me-le @spaghettirogers @buckycaptspideypool @bethanyzed @biasedtitties @bbyspiiice @thoughtlesstales @glitterypinkkitty @selinbaskaya @vitamingrant @dil-emmuh @metalarmlover @queenoftheunderdark @lilly-evans-and-the-kpop @captainfreecandyvan @collette04 @yagurlrosie @blackpantherimagines @kweenkxtrina @heavenlyblyss @secretlyactivated @roses-and-absinthe @xxxelettaxxx @rainbowkisses31 @celestiial-angel @alphabloodfur @xdatbitch @quant-um-fizzx @peaceloveyesh @bodhi-black @captainarp @booklover240 @kawaiiloverofanimu @everything-is-awesomesauce @holylulusworld @lemonnggrab @kiwihoee @aekr @twizzziee @karabear0091 @marvelmaree @amelia-acero @marveltookovermylife @praziameia @steadypetty @spn-marvel-nerd @kissedbythedarkness @broadway-or-noway @marvel-fan23 @hannahxem @noteyebox @bemyvalentineforeverandever @amazonian-strap-queen @britishpopsicle @breezy1415 @beautiful-and-strange @momc95 @buckycaptspideypool @justballoonfishthings @ms-munchkin @whosmarisaaarw @kxllyxnnx @calspixie @imdiegohargreeves @satinprincessxo @amethyst-the-thot @docharleythegeekqueen @iiqueer-vibesii @carol-damn-vers @l0rd-disick @jilldsumner @hufflebucky @nerdypinupcrystal @pink1031 @agent-spidey @wassupbitchesssss @lucifersnipnips @thirstyforsomeyandere @xxm3xxj @stuckybarton @heartbeats-wildly @tea-with-seb @the-lululemon @abesottedlass @poppyshawn @obsesseds-world @jazztherebel @heartislubbingdubbing @couldntbedamned @desir-ae @adreamemporium @ashrod98 @buckyxwintersxldier @buckybarneshairpullingkink @lazinessisalliknow @kastheabsolutepessimist @daggersofloki @odinson-barnes @wintersoldier1017 @fandomkolors @supernaturaldean67 @biba3434 @brokensunflowersworld @basementcafe @imkloeyjarvis @periodtcevans @praziameia @givemoimyuwusback @thethortoisein221b @averyrogers83 @sagechanoafterdark @roseplusess @hollandhours

#happy together #steve rogers x reader #dark!steve rogers x reader #dark steve rogers x reader #dark steve rogers #dark!steve rogers #dark!fic #series #au #fic #mcu #marvel #steve rogers #dark fic #dark!verse #darkverse #captain america

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cieloxcnco · 6 years

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yo te haré mía (cnco) - ch5

Chapter 5

Words: 4,000+

Warnings: hardly even bad language in this chapter. I know, I’m surprised too.

A/N: I’ve been super busy lately, so I’m sorry for the delay but I appreciate you all still reading. any feedback at all you have is so so appreciated.

chapter 1 is here chapter 2 is here chapter 3 is here chapter 4 is here if you need to catch up.

The clear gel was shockingly cold against he skin as the sonographer rubbed it over Isa’s protruding belly. She winced at the uncomfortable feeling but smiled as Kaja eagerly shook her left hand. You would think that she was in the delivery room from the way she was flanked by her friend and mother-in-law holding her hands so tight. They stared at the monitor intently, anxious to see live what they have so far only seen in printed pictures. Noemi tore her eyes away from the screen for a quick moment before she looked down to investigate Isa’s whimper. “You okay, Isabella?” Isa nodded. “Fine. It just feels weird.” She didn’t recall ever seeing Kaja smile so widely. “This is so exciting,” she squealed. “I let you come and see last time with Joaquin,” Isa laughed. She shrugged, but her enthusiasm couldn’t be contained. “It doesn’t mean it’s any less exciting. It’s a new little baby I can’t wait to meet.” Noemi’s voice was quiet but Isa saw her eyes smiling. “My baby is having another baby.” “You still really want the gender to be a surprise?” Kaja whined. “We won’t tell Zabdiel. Swear.” Noemi didn’t echo the sentiment, but her smile told Isa enough that she didn’t need to. She was waiting just as anxiously. “He wants to wait until the baby is here to find out,” Isa answered simply. “And what about you?” Noemi prodded. Isa bit her lip, trying to contain her smile and clearly failing. Kaja’s jaw dropped and she chided her, “She knows! She knows and she won’t tell any of us!” Isa blushed and averted her eyes, her secret out. Noemi patted the hand of hers she was holding and smiled. “Well, if she does, that’s her choice. Her pregnancy is her journey and everything involved is her decision.” Kaja rolled her eyes. “But do I get to buy tutus or soccer jerseys for my new niece or nephew?” she groaned. “Buy onesies with CNCO printed all over them and the baby will wear them either way. Anything Dolce & Gabbana, we'll be good,” Isa suggested. Kaja grunted lightly in disapproval. “I’m gonna bribe the nurse. I’ll get you to spill eventually. I’ll figure it out somehow.” Isa chuckled. “Good luck.” The sonographer moved the transducer over the gel coating her stomach. “Alright, Mrs. de Jesus, we’re going to try to get a good look and check on our baby here, okay?” Isa nodded and fixed her eyes to the monitor to see whatever fuzzy monochrome images of her daughter would come on the screen. “It’s a girl,” Kaja concluded aloud. “How do you figure that?” Isa questioned, still scanning the screen for when she’d appear. “You can’t even see the baby yet.” “If it was another boy, you would have told us already,” she surmised. “Zabdiel would be over the moon if he had another little boy. The only reason he wouldn’t want to think about it would be because he's scared it’s a girl.” “You can have your theories,” Isa answered. “And if I was wrong, you would have told me right now that I’m crazy,” she added. “Well you’re crazy regardless,” Isa joked. “It could be another boy,” Noemi murmured. “It could be that since it’s what we expected that we have nothing surprising about this time around so they’re waiting until he’s here.” “Like I said,” Isa went on, “have your theories. But you’ll find out when the baby is out. Zabdiel wants a surprise, it’ll be a surprise.” Kaja rolled her eyes and giggled. “And since when do you listen to what Zabdiel has to say?” “Kaja,” Noemi warned lightly. Kaja winked. “It’ll be more of a surprise to him if everyone knew but him, don’t you think?” "Well right now,” Isa interjected, “all that’s gonna show on the screen is an empty stomach. I’m starving.” Noemi tapped her daughter-in-law’s hand gently. “Jasmyn is going to meet us with Aaliyah and Miguel for lunch in half an hour. We’ll get you and the little one in here something to eat, don’t worry.” “Okay, Mrs. de Jesus, the heartbeat sounds wonderful,” the sonographer interrupted gently. “The baby isn’t breech like Dr. Kirkpatrick believed, so that’s good. The doctor will be in momentarily to review this and get you going.” Noemi wiped a tear from beneath her eye, staring at the wriggling figure of the little fetus. “Mira a la carita… Looks like my baby as a baby… I can no wait to meet you, amor.” She kissed the tips of her index and middle finger and touched them to the small screen, immediately apologizing for the smudge as the doctor walked into the room. The doctor examined Isa, reviewed how the baby was developing, and sent them on our way, but not without the three extra copies of sonogram prints Noemi asked to bring home with them. It wasn’t a far trip from the obstetrician’s office to the restaurant where Jasmyn was meeting them with Miguel and Aaliyah for lunch. “Tia Isa,” Aaliyah yelled, beaming. “Hola mi vida,” Isa said, kneeling and hugging her tight, careful not to lose her balance. “¿Donde esta Tio Zabdiel?” she asked, shifting into her booster seat. “He’s at the studio with Papi,” Jasmyn said softly. “We’ll see him tonight.” She reached for the crayons on the table and began to color the paper placemat. “I draw a picture for him.” Jasmyn ended the embrace with Noemi and kissed both Isa’s cheeks. “How did everything go at the doctor with our little… Niño? Niña?” “Save it,” Kaja interrupted, “She won’t tell you. She won’t tell any of us.” Jasmyn smirked, touching the top of Isa’s stomach. “Una niña. I can tell.” “Sientanse, chicas,” Noemi urged, clicking the buckles of the restaurant high chair she had secured Miguel into. “We never really have time to enjoy with each other. Please, sit.” Isa scanned over the menu as Jasmyn stirred her straw absentmindedly in her glass. “So if you won’t tell us whether the baby is a boy or girl, can you at least tell us what you were hoping for? Or what Zabdiel’s hoping for?” “A healthy baby,” Isa answered, still reading the options rather than looking at her. “The politically correct answer,” Jasmyn groaned with a roll of her eyes. “The truth,” Isa insisted. Jasmyn smiled now but bounced anxiously. “I know but I’m just so excited.” “You’ll find out eventually,” Isa giggled, rubbing up and down her forearm comfortingly. Aaliyah scribbled in wild blue circles over a stick figure she’d created on the paper. “And here is the baby in Tia Isa’s belly- azul porque es un niño.” Kaja smirked knowingly and tapped her nails against the side of her water glass. Isa giggled, not even looking up from her menu. "I didn't tell her anything, so whatever she's saying is pure speculation.” Kaja narrowed her eyes at me. “That’s exactly what you want me to think.” Once they ordered their food, the conversation went around in small circles, always about the same. The new album, Isa’s pregnancy, and Aaliyah please don’t do that. Isa tried to focus on helping her niece with her scribbles, avoiding Noemi's glance. As much as she adored her mother-in-law and all she did for her, it caused the guilty sensation in the pit of her stomach to swirl. If she could hardly look her husband in the eye most of the time, she could much less look at his mother. Isa’s focus fell to her water glass, staring at it blankly as her thoughts began to race. She didn’t deserve the de Jesus family and how they put her on a pedestal, even though her husband didn’t. Zabdiel had his usual turn around since the last time they’d had sex. First he tried to be more physically affectionate, but grabbing her around her waist from behind and kissing up her neck felt more like trying to initiate round two than just wanting to be close and remind her that she was loved. Most everything he tried was rebuffed for that reason alone. Then he quickly backslid into the typical actions of only the most basic of attention necessary to get through the day, more quiet in her presence, gradually turning into almost nothing at all. There were the sporadic hills in between- an attempt at affection and then absence again - but the lull of nothing was the longest and the most threatening. Isabella’s phone vibrated in her pocket, reminding her that it’d been two minutes since it first had alerted her to a text from Christopher asking how the appointment went and hoping she was having a nice time out. Isa didn’t want to unlock it and see that there was nothing unread from Zabdiel showing any concern about her or the pregnancy at all. For her family, friends, and the sake of his fame, Isa pretended to be happy. She was absolutely miserable. She was with someone she was falling, maybe had already fallen, out of love with and was in love with someone she couldn’t be with. The little girl inside her womb wiggled and she’d usually be distracted and entranced with her movements but Isa just gulped down the knot in her throat and sat unmoving. “Isa,” Kaja murmured, tugging gingerly on her elbow. “Are you alright?” Isa snapped from her daze. “Hmm?” “Come on. Come with me to the bathroom,” she pleaded in a way that made it seem like a suggestion but Isa knew better. “Sure,” she replied, struggling over her belly bump to right myself in the chair before following her into the restroom. “You looked completely spaced,” she said once the door behind them had shut. “Do you feel sick? Are you okay?” Isa’s frustration and despondence had clouded over her usual exaggerated answer of “oh, of course, everything is fantastic.” She ran her hands under the warm water of the faucet only to splash her face with it afterwards. “Take a minute,” Kaja urged, watching her as if she was a bomb set to explode and she was taking note of how much time remained on the clock. “Just frustrated,” Isa murmured. Telling the girlfriend of one of her husband’s bandmates wasn’t exactly going to keep any exposed detail secret for long. Telling her friend was almost a given, as studying her expression told her almost all she needed to know without her say. “They said at the appointment that everything is okay with the baby. Is something going on with Zabdiel?” Isa was so accustomed to the fake smile and answer for everyone else, but not her. Isa didn’t answer with words but she was sure the falter in my face gave it away. Kaja sat on the counter beside the row of sinks. “Talk to me.” “He’s just been so distant,” Isa offered finally. “He only seems to want to be around me to have sex and nothing else. We don’t talk, we don’t love, we just… are here. He doesn’t engage about the baby unless he’s prompted to and I just worry that while I thought everything was coming together that we’re falling apart.” She jumped down from the ledge immediately and pulled her friend into a hug. “I’m so sorry, bean.” Isa bit back the tears that threatened to fall. She had no right to be sad or upset. If the whole story came to the surface, she was the villain. She couldn’t blame Zabdiel for not wanting to touch the same places where Christopher had. At the same time, the less that Zabdiel wanted to hold he, the more alluring being in Christopher’s arms became. Kaja took a paper cup from the dispenser on the wall and filled it with tap water for her to sip and calm down. “The work on the new album has been rough on all of them,” she suggested gently. “I know they've all been away from home more than we’d like. I don’t think he’s doing it maliciously.” Christopher had the same schedule and he made time for Isa when Zabdiel found reasons to be somewhere else. “I know. He just seems to be busy when I know the band has downtime. It just makes me wonder.” Kaja arched her eyebrow as Isa sipped the water. “You think he’s cheating on you?” Isa nearly spit out her drink. “What?!” The idea itself wasn’t preposterous. The fact that she had been so obsessed with her own affair to entertain the idea that her husband was having one of his own was. “Oh, no, Zabdiel isn’t like that. None of them are. I just thought that was what you were insinuating,” Kaja explained quickly. Isa tried not to scoff. None of them are? Kaja didn’t know them as well as Isa did, clearly. But no one knew Christopher like Isa did. “No, I just think he’s lost interest in me, and trying to do all the stuff for the baby with everyone being excited about us being this happy couple… It just isn’t real anymore and it’s frustrating.” “It’s hectic now, but I promise it’ll get better.” Kaja hugged Isa tighter, forgetting the cup and squishing it between them. Kaja eventually brought Isa back out to have lunch, but even though she was eating for not just herself, she couldn’t even fake an appetite. Noemi’s concern was quiet but obvious. Isa knew she’d hear something about it later, but her nerves wouldn’t allow her to do anything now in peace. Noemi scrutinized her plate. “Everything okay, Isa? You had said how hungry you were.” “The baby is just making me nauseous,” Isa said with a shrug. Noemi nodded in acknowledgment but Isa knew she wasn’t buying that completely. Never to stop for a moment, preparations immediately began when they returned for dinner- Noemi had decided a long day at the studio was going to be celebrated by a small feast Isa wanted no part in making. Her apprehension was easily excused as pregnancy fatigue, so she was able to sit and hear all about her son’s day out with Tio Carlos when he returned with Zabdiel’s brother about an hour later. Half an hour after that, the cars began filling the driveway and the prickling crawl of anxiety traveled up her spine. The dread of dealing with this feeling of impasse with her husband was always overshadowed by the thrill of knowing she would see Christopher’s honey eyes, but the two sensations mingled like a sweet tasting poisonous cocktail. It tasted amazing but God was it going to be the end of her. The only greeting she got from Zabdiel was a wave and a wink while he hugged their son and his brother in turn. That was fine by her when Christopher entered the room instead and hugged her close. “Hola, preciosa,” he said with his signature smirk. “¿Como estas?” His lips grazed her cheek and Isa tried to hide that she shuddered. “¿Como fue la cita con el doctor?” Her blood ran cold as Krista followed in behind them and grabbed Christopher’s hand. She was immediately too nauseated to recall the question. Noemi poked her head in the room to grab all of their attention. “Ya, a comer, todos! La cena está lista! Y Chris, no te preocupes, yo tengo los fotos.” She did a small dance as she walked into the dining room, giddy about anything she could share about her newest grandchild. Dinner was the same as lunch, the same circular conversation only with the band being able to share more about the new music. When Erick started talking about the captivating melody on the latest track that was composed entirely by Zabdiel, it was the first time in the longest that Isa had seen a proud smile grace his lips. She clasped her hand over his knee in supportive comfort and he squeezed her hand in return. Isa didn’t need to look in Chris’ direction to know that seeing her interact with her husband meant his gaze was on fire. The table had started debating on whether they were Team Niño or Team Niña when Isa got up to begin washing dishes and not have to listen to the same repetitive talk- that everyone knew more about what was happening in her belly than she did. She was so on autopilot trying to clean to relax my anxiety that she hadn’t heard Zabdiel approach from behind and kiss her cheek as his arms wrapped about her waist. “Y ¿a donde tu vas, hermosa?” The endearment made a smile flash on her face. “Tengo que lavar los platos, amor. Me voy a la cocina.” “Despues, cielo. Relajate,” he reasoned. “Come back- sit with me. I missed you all day.” Her eyebrows furrowed. Missed her? “¿De veras?” “Claro que si,” he answered, pressing another kiss to the crown of her head. “Yo no quería molestarte cuando estaban almorzando con ellas pero yo estaba pensando en la cita con el doctor todo el dia. Yo siempre pienso en ti, pero… Hoy te extrañé mas, yo no sé.” He spun her around in his arms and pressed his forehead to hers. As Isa gazed into his chocolate eyes, she realized how lucky she was. Her husband was, indeed, gorgeous. His chiseled features made him look like some sort of Greek God come to Earth. His tan skin was smooth and flawless, and his eyes were piercing. It wasn’t that he appeared cold, but he could touch your soul by just glancing at you once. That was what scared her most- she hoped he couldn’t see through her. There was not a moment of every day that she did not try to analyze the reason she did what she did before the shift in our relationship occurred, before they were so far apart when they were next to each other; who could ask for more from this perfection? Apparently she did. During the moments of frustration, Isa could put the blame on him in her mind. He has been avoiding her, he has been distancing himself, he’s pushed her away. But in moments like this when she saw him trying to reignite the spark, she knew she was the wind immediately extinguishing the flame and the guilt was unbearable. “Te amo,” he murmured. The thought of it killed her. This was the man she had promised her life and unwavering devotion to, and Isa couldn’t say the same to him. He had said he’d treasure her forever, and she could barely talk to him at all anymore because the shame she felt made her feel even more ill than she already was. This alone was more genuine attention than he’d shown her in weeks, and she didn’t want to turn that possibility away this time. But then again, it raised doubts. Did he truly love her? He could say it- he said it over and over. But actions speak louder than words and when was the last time he proved it? Could he just have had a little too much to drink and be talking nonsense? Was Kaja on to something - that his distance was due to him being comforted by another woman? His smile took her breath away and her racing thoughts came to a halt. Unable to reply, Isa kissed him tentatively. He gently took soft, slow, intoxicating drags on her lips, gasping at the feel of her against him. Isa slid her fingers down his cheek and his hand gripped the side of her waist. She wasn’t used to any genuine display of affection from him, and the renewed feeling was such welcomed attention that she leaned into him and reciprocated. Krista carefully slid the door open, more dishes in her hands, softly clearing her throat until they separated. “Hey, we were wondering where you two had gone.” “Why? ¿Qué pasó?” Zabdiel asked. “Noemi needs you.” Zabdiel walked out of the room and Krista glanced at Isabella. “You know,” Krista pointed out, “you’re lucky to have someone that cares about you so much.” Isa shook her head, not thinking that she heard her correctly. “What do you mean?” She shrugged her shoulders. “I mean Zabdiel absolutely adores you.” “Chris is head over heels for you,” Isa said quickly in hopes of Krista dropping the subject. She sighed, dejected. “Not the way Zabdiel is for you. Chris is always so preoccupied. He never pays attention to me anymore. He buries himself in music and rehearsal to avoid everything and everybody. He’s civil towards you, at least.” Krista shrugged again and was about to say something else when they both heard a loud scream of, “Oh my God!” coming from the backyard. Everyone dropped what they were doing and ran outside to see Kaja and Joel embracing, tears running down Kaja’s face. “Kaja,” Isa gasped, “are you okay?” Joel let her out of his arms and she nodded, walking over to the group and displaying a large diamond ring on the fourth finger of her left hand. “We’re getting married!” Zabdiel looked around, passing Joaquin to Chris. “You want to marry this loco? You sure you don’t want to rethink this?” Joel elbowed him harshly in the ribs. “I was actually being romantic. Don’t ruin it, pendejo,” he chuckled. Noemi wedged herself between them. “Joel, can I see you in the kitchen for a second?” Joel pointed to where they were still awe-struck over the ring. “Pero, I got-” She tugged Joel’s sleeve, showing she meant business as she hissed through clenched teeth, “Now.” Noemi was sure that the patio door was shut and no one else was around the kitchen before she turned and began to read the riot act to the boy she saw as another son. “Joel, what are you thinking?” “What do you mean?” Joel asked, pulling a Pepsi out of the fridge. Noemi rubbed her forehead to try and alleviate the forming headache. “You two haven’t been together long. You want to dive into this so quickly? You’re too young to know what you want.” Joel lowered his gaze, for one moment trying to see if the pouting face would work for her. When it didn’t, he murmured, “Noemi, I love her.” “I know you think that. I just don’t think you’ve been out enough,” she admitted with a sigh. “You haven’t dated much before her. You haven’t lived life all that you should before tying yourself down.” He searched for a reply, eventually growling, “Noemi, in the end, it’s my choice. I’d appreciate your blessing, but I don’t need your approval. A choice I decide to make is my business, not yours.” “Not my business?” she laughed dubiously. “Oh, you’d better be kidding, Joel. You’re like my son- every move you all make is my business.” “Noemi, I’m marrying Kaja. There’s nothing more to be said.” He made his way to the door to go back outside but Noemi grabbed his shoulder to sit him back down. Noemi was rarely pushed to the point of anger, but the way her voice thundered lowly and her eyes went alight made the hair on the back of Joel’s neck stand on end. “I start it, I end it. Now sit down.” “Pero, I-” “Sit. Down.” He grumbled as he slammed himself down in a chair at the kitchen table. “What’s the problem?” Noemi took a long deep breath before beginning. “Joel, you’re not thinking clearly. You’re too young to get married!” He exclaimed, knowing he could use a parallel as his point. “Zabdiel and Isa got married at nineteen!” “And do you want to make that same mistake?” Noemi rolled her eyes. “Joel, that was totally and completely different situation.” “How was it different?” he demanded. She hollered, “It was different because Isa was already pregnant!” Joel couldn’t reply, only tapping his fingers across the side of the can, and realization hit Noemi like a brick. “Oh, Jesus Christ, Joel.”

chapter 6 is now here

#cnco #cnco imagine #cnco fanfic #cnco fanfiction

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yayitass · 5 years

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Mensaje de Angelo Garcia

Remember when I was hospitalized a few months ago, I did not feel comfortable sharing what happened until I was 100 percent healed. So let me share with all of you what I went through. About 6 months ago I was getting ready to leave Mexico and come back home from all the work I had around that country. The last week I was there I got really sick I was throwing up and had chronic diarrhea, to say it was exorbitantly arduous would be an understatement, as a result of my stomach problems and diarrhea I thought I had developed a hemorrhoid so for about a month in a half after that I treated my area below as such. Warm soaks, hemorrhoid cream etc etc, however, nothing was getting better I was literally in so much pain I would cry myself to sleep every night and go to the bathroom would make me scream in agony. I was not getting better and I began to worry, 2 more weeks had passed and at this point 2 months into my turmoil I was so scared because it was only getting worse so I asked for my uncles to please take me to the Emergency room to get to the bottom of what was going on. I am seen by this really arrogant and supercilious Doctor who really did not check thoroughly to find out what was really going on, his diagnosis was that I had a hemorrhoid, I politely told the Doctor "with all due respect I honestly feel you need to do a deeper investigation because it does not feel right "the Dr in an insolent tone tells me" I'm the one that does not tell me how to do my job "so I humbly stay quiet and go home as suggested and continued to treat my "hemorrhoid" as I suggested. After another 2 weeks went by and let me tell you at this point my pain was so agonizing I would cry and scream every time I would go to the restroom, I started bleeding through my rectum and that was the straw that broke the camels back, almost 3 months Into it I return to the Emergency room in so much pain, I request a different Doctor I needed a second opinion, the new Doctor I got was a female and I told her what had happened the last time and how I felt the last Doctor did not really give a shit what I was going through and just gave me a diagnosis based on a weak investigation of what was going on and I begged him to please do a more meticulous pursuit to what the cause of my misery was , as a result of that she performs to CT Scan to see what may or may not be going on. I was worried because they found a growth, the doctor said we would not know if it was a tumor or an abscess or if it was benign or cancerous, I was like "OH MY GOD I HAVE CANCER" I was freaking out and crying because I was sure it had to be cancer. The Dr tells me they had surgery and see what it was. The next day they performed the surgery and it was a result I am happy to say it was not cancer however It was an abscess, the said I I had returned because it was at the verge of bursting and had it bursted My entire body would have I became septic and I could have died. Once the surgery was over I was on so much pain and if I thought going to the bathroom before it was bad it only got 10 x worse. 2 weeks later the swelling slowly went down. Once I was healed I was so relieved but also frustrated because I was so swollen down there and after the swelling went down I was left with loose skin which resembled the wrinkly skin of an elephant ass, I was like omg my left butt cheek looks like It has the tail of an elephant butt and that was my new frustration. You guys know how hard I work on my body and have an elephant tail on my left butt cheek made me feel damaged. Today I had surgery to correct my elephant but I am happy that after 7 months of hell the plastic surgeon fixed me I have a barely noticeable hairline scar and no longer have an elephant tail. I am so happy I could finally put that behind me. So please pray for me that I heal swiftly and that I do not have any complications.God IT feels so good to be elephant ass free. 🐘😣😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 #Elephant #Surgery #Recuerdo que cuando fui hospitalizado hace unos meses, no me sentía cómodo compartiendo lo que sucedió hasta que fui sanado al 100 por ciento. Así que permítanme compartir con todos ustedes lo que pasé. Hace aproximadamente 6 meses, me estaba preparando para dejar México y regresar a casa después de todo el trabajo que tenía en ese país. La última semana que estuve allí me puse muy enfermo. Estaba vomitando y tenía diarrea crónica, decir que era exorbitantemente arduo sería una subestimación, como resultado de mis problemas estomacales y diarrea, pensé que había desarrollado una hemorroide por casi una semana. mes y medio después de eso traté mi área a continuación como tal. Los baños calientes, la crema para las hemorroides, etc., etc., sin embargo, nada mejoraba, literalmente sentía tanto dolor que me echaría a dormir cada noche e ir al baño me haría gritar de dolor. No estaba mejorando y comencé a preocuparme, habían pasado 2 semanas más y en este punto, 2 meses después de mi agitación, estaba tan asustada porque solo empeoraba, así que pedí a mis tíos que me acompañaran a la sala de emergencias para llegar al fondo de lo que estaba pasando. Este doctor realmente arrogante y superciloso me ve y no hizo una revisión exhaustiva para averiguar qué estaba pasando realmente. Su diagnóstico fue que tenía una hemorroide, le dije educadamente al doctor: "Con todo el debido respeto, honestamente siento que debe hacerlo. haga una investigación más profunda porque no se siente bien "el Dr. en tono insolente me dice" Yo soy el que no me dice cómo hacer mi trabajo ", así que humildemente me quedo callado y me voy a casa como se sugiere y continúo tratando Mi "hemorroide" como sugerí. Después de otras 2 semanas pasé y déjame decirte que en este momento mi dolor era tan agónico que lloraba y gritaba cada vez que iba al baño, comencé a sangrar por el recto y esa fue la gota que me rompió los camellos. Hace casi 3 meses que regresé a la sala de emergencias con tanto dolor, solicité un médico diferente. Necesité una segunda opinión, el nuevo médico que obtuve era una mujer y le conté lo que había sucedido la última vez y cómo me sentí. El último doctor realmente no le importó una mierda lo que estaba pasando y solo me dio un diagnóstico basado en una investigación débil de lo que estaba pasando y le rogué que hiciera un seguimiento más meticuloso de la causa de mi miseria, como como resultado de eso, ella realiza una tomografía computarizada para ver qué puede estar pasando o no. Estaba preocupado porque encontraron un crecimiento, el médico dijo que no sabríamos si era un tumor o un absceso o si era benigno o canceroso, era como "OH MI DIOS TENGO CÁNCER" Me estaba volviendo loco y llorando porque Estaba seguro de que tenía que ser cáncer. El Dr. me dice que se sometieron a una cirugía y a ver qué fue. Al día siguiente, realizaron la cirugía y fue un resultado. Me alegra decir que no fue cáncer. Sin embargo, fue un absceso. El II dijo que había regresado porque estaba a punto de estallar y me estalló. Me hice séptico y podría haber muerto. Una vez que la cirugía terminó, tenía mucho dolor y si pensaba ir al baño antes de que fuera malo, solo empeoraba 10 veces. 2 semanas después la hinchazón bajó lentamente. Una vez que me curé, me sentí aliviado pero también frustrado porque estaba tan hinchado allí abajo y después de que la hinchazón bajó, me quedé con la piel suelta que se parecía a la piel arrugada de un asno de elefante, parecía que mi trasero izquierdo se parece a Tiene la cola de un trasero de elefante y esa fue mi nueva frustración. Ustedes saben cuánto trabajo con mi cuerpo y tener una cola de elefante en mi trasero izquierdo, la mejilla me hizo sentir dañado. Hoy me operaron para corregir mi elefante, pero me alegra que después de 7 meses de infierno el cirujano plástico me haya reparado, tengo una cicatriz apenas visible y ya no tengo una cola de elefante. Estoy tan feliz que finalmente pude dejar eso atrás. Entonces, por favor, oren por mí para que sane rápidamente y para que no tenga ninguna complicación. Dios se siente tan bien estar libre del culo de elefante 🐘😣😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 #Elephant #Surgery #PlasticSurgery

#angelogarcia #elwero Badass

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aprettyboykiller · 6 years

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So I've been struggling with eating disorders for a long, long time now, almost 12 years. A first all started with an anorexia that I don't really knew about it, I didn't know what was going on until years later that I looked back at myself and the actions I was doing: not eating at all. But I didn't notice that not eating was bad... Then I quickly gained all the weight back and SO MUCH FUCKING MORE. I was huge than ever at almost 80 kilos. I wasn't concern about it because I did not realize that I was that bad... The true was I looked like shit and was not ok. Then, 4 years ago I decided to change myself again... At first It was all perfect, good meals, a lot of excercise... But then I started restrictions again... And at some point Bulimia took me fucking hard. I've been binging and purging about 3 and al half years now and I am tired of it. I have a lot of good and beautiful things in my life and I don't want this fucking disease to took over my life anymore. I shared this with some people already, but I need to get rid of the feeling that I am not totally free, I can't be my true self because I am scared of people knowing that I am sick, but it is what it is and I am putting myself in this awful situation just to make a step further and being able to get out of this hole of madness and sickness.

I wanna be healthy, I wanna be able to enjoy myself and have fun times with the people I love not worrying about if they gonna judge me, not being salty all the time because I am scared to let people know how fuck up I really am. I wanna be brave, I wanna be at peace with my own mind. And I wanna be sincere with all the people that take the time to be around me, I wanna tell you this and tell you that I love you even when I am being rude or stupid, because the main reason of me being like that is that it is a lot going on on my head, and I am sorry.

This is the start of a new life for me and I am going to work hard for a peace of mind that I never had before and love myself de una puta vez.

#I am so scared to publish this but fuck it its done #ed #bulimia #anorexia #eating disroders #also if you need someone to talk to about ed please msg me bc you are never alone and you can get out ok #ok

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valeriacastaneda · 3 years

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Feb 1, 2021

I feel like this is no longer my burden to hold onto alone. I’ve stayed quiet for over 20 years and I’ve been suffocating because of it. I don’t feel like this is something I should take to my grave anymore because it’s made me sick for so many years. I now believe this sickness has shown itself through my self-harm, suicidal ideation, drug addiction, and my eating disorder. I’m not sharing this to make you guys mad at anyone or to upset you but because it’s something normal and a lot of kids have gone through similar things. I’ve made myself think I was alone in this for the entirety of my life. Something bad happened to me when I was around 3 years old and I want to share it with you guys. I want you guys to understand that I love you but I feel like I wasn’t protected by you guys while I was growing up. I feel a lot of forgiveness in my heart and I just want to heal from this and move on. I want all of us to heal from this. It’s not my work to do alone. I’ve had to struggle with this for the entirety of my life and I no longer want to keep this a secret. I want to reassure you guys for my love for you and our family but I also want you guys to understand why I think I became the way I am. I’m trying to end this internal struggle and I’m filled with compassion and understanding, no longer am I filled with resentment towards anyone. I’ve been traumatized over and over again throughout my life and I’m not ready to share everything with you guys but I’m ready to share this. I don’t know who I could have been if this had never happened to me, none of us can change the past or its effect on me. I just want to be understood and not judged for this. I want your love and acceptance and I’ve feared sharing this secret for so many years. I would have died with this secret but it’s been slowly killing me for decades at this point, I don’t want to die with this secret dragging me down. I want to let it go and move on with my life. I’m tired of this weighing me down. I’ve been filled with shame, disgust, and resentment for so many years of my life. No one told me to keep this quiet, it’s something I felt was wrong within me after it happened and I was filled with guilt. Guilt and shame kept me quiet. I didn’t feel like I could completely trust either of you after that. I wonder if you ever noticed something was different about me after that or if I truly hid it as well as I felt I did. This secret ate me up from the inside out. I just want to reassure you of how much I love you both and that I forgive you. I don’t want this to be a fight between you or the rest of my family. This is a trauma we all went through, it’s a family trauma and it’s time we heal from it. I hope you believe me because my biggest fear has always been rejection. I would never lie about something that I went through and I wouldn’t make this up and I hope you both believe me. I love you both so much and I want our family to be stronger after this. I’m so worried about ruining our family but this secret has been ruining me for the entirety of my life.

Siento que esta ya no es mi carga a la que aferrarme solo. Me he quedado callada durante más de 20 años y me he estado asfixiando por eso. Ya no siento que esto sea algo que deba llevarme a la tumba porque me ha enfermado durante tantos años. Ahora creo que esta enfermedad se ha manifestado a través de mi autolesión, ideas suicidas, adicción a las drogas y mi trastorno alimentario. No estoy compartiendo esto para hacerlos enojar con nadie o para molestarlos, sino porque es algo normal y muchos niños han pasado por cosas similares. Me he hecho pensar que estaba solo en esto durante toda mi vida. Algo malo me pasó cuando tenía alrededor de 3 años y quiero compartirlo con ustedes. Quiero que entiendan que los amo, pero siento que ustedes no me protegieron mientras crecía. Siento mucho perdón en mi corazón y solo quiero curarme de esto y seguir adelante. Quiero que todos nos curemos de esto. No es mi trabajo hacerlo solo. He tenido que luchar con esto durante toda mi vida y ya no quiero mantener esto en secreto. Quiero tranquilizarlos por mi amor por ustedes y nuestra familia, pero también quiero que entiendan por qué creo que me convertí en lo que soy. Estoy tratando de terminar con esta lucha interna y estoy lleno de compasión y comprensión, ya no estoy lleno de resentimiento hacia nadie. He estado traumatizado una y otra vez a lo largo de mi vida y no estoy listo para compartir todo con ustedes, pero estoy listo para compartir esto. No sé quién podría haber sido si esto nunca me hubiera pasado, ninguno de nosotros puede cambiar el pasado o su efecto en mí. Solo quiero que me entiendan y no me juzguen por esto. Quiero tu amor y aceptación y he temido compartir este secreto durante tantos años. Habría muerto con este secreto, pero me ha estado matando lentamente durante décadas en este punto, no quiero morir con este secreto arrastrándome. Quiero dejarlo ir y seguir adelante con mi vida. Estoy cansado de que esto me agobie. He estado lleno de vergüenza, disgusto y resentimiento durante tantos años de mi vida. Nadie me dijo que mantuviera esto en silencio, es algo que sentí que estaba mal dentro de mí después de que sucedió y me sentí lleno de culpa. La culpa y la vergüenza me mantuvieron callado. No sentí que pudiera confiar completamente en ninguno de ustedes después de eso. Me pregunto si alguna vez notaste que algo era diferente en mí después de eso o si realmente lo escondí tan bien como sentí que lo hice. Este secreto me comió de adentro hacia afuera. Solo quiero asegurarles lo mucho que los amo a ambos y que los perdono. No quiero que esto sea una pelea entre tú o el resto de mi familia. Este es un trauma por el que pasamos todos, es un trauma familiar y es hora de que nos recuperemos. Espero que me crean porque mi mayor miedo siempre ha sido el rechazo. Nunca mentiría sobre algo por lo que pasé y no lo inventaría y espero que ambos me crean. Los amo mucho a los dos y quiero que nuestra familia sea más fuerte después de esto. Estoy tan preocupado por arruinar a nuestra familia, pero este secreto me ha estado arruinando durante toda mi vida.

When I was a little kid my brothers and I were in their room. They were playing video games and I wanted to watch. I think they had just gotten out of the shower. They told me I could either lick the floor or one of their private parts if I wanted to stay. They told me they were cleaner than the floor and I was too little to know the difference. I think they were too little to understand what they were doing too. I don’t hold any blame towards either of them. I can’t remember exactly which brother it was but I think it was Bryan. I don’t want there to be any blame placed on anyone because we were all children, too young to understand. But it affected me deeply and profoundly. I felt shame immediately afterwards and I knew what had happened was wrong in my gut. I’m only sharing this now because it’s something that’s affected the entire course of my life. I just want you to understand that there’s no one to blame and that we need to heal as a family. I love you and our family so much, I don’t want this to change our love for each other. I just don’t feel like I should have to die with this secret anymore. To move on, I have to share it. I hope you understand that.

Cuando era pequeño, mis hermanos y yo estábamos en su habitación. Estaban jugando videojuegos y yo quería verlos. Creo que acababan de salir de la ducha. Me dijeron que podía lamer el suelo o una de sus partes íntimas si quería quedarme. Me dijeron que estaban más limpios que el suelo y que yo era muy pequeño para notar la diferencia. Creo que también eran muy pequeños para entender lo que estaban haciendo. No culpo a ninguno de ellos. No recuerdo exactamente qué hermano era, pero creo que era Bryan. No quiero que se culpe a nadie porque todos éramos niños, demasiado pequeños para entender. Pero me afectó profundamente. Sentí vergüenza inmediatamente después y supe que lo que había sucedido estaba mal en mi interior. Solo estoy compartiendo esto ahora porque es algo que ha afectado todo el curso de mi vida. Solo quiero que entiendas que no hay nadie a quien culpar y que tenemos que curarnos como familia. Te amo tanto a ti y a nuestra familia, no quiero que esto cambie nuestro amor el uno por el otro. Simplemente ya no siento que deba tener que morir con este secreto. Para seguir adelante, tengo que compartirlo. Espero que lo entiendas.

#mom and dad #therapy assignment

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brayinghorses · 7 years

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Shit said in my AP Calculus class

T: “There it is.”

“Jump disc.”

“Your life is an asymptote.”

“What does that mean?” “Your mom.” “Thank you.”

“Is there a hole?!”

“Stop fisting each other!”

“The David Copperfield Theorem.“

“Oh my Goddd. I’m saying oh my god because I just realized that parallel lines have the same slope.”

“🎵Operator pleeease🎵”

“Nicholas where do I go from here?”

“Confetti.”

“This is like Math Debate 101”

“Consult yourself before asking me!”

“That’s a 2.” “Oh my God, I’m an idiot.” “We all knew that.”

“Lo d'hi less hi d'lo o lo squared🎵”

“Fusion is just a cheap tactic to make weak students smarter.”

“I’m gonna cry.”

“Wait, did I do something stupid?”

“I thought I was on a roll. Oh wait, I’m on a roll again.”

“It’s 7!”

“Es como una cebolla.”

“C E B O L L A”

“Ughh, this one is giving me diarrhea.” “Me too … which one?” “G(x) of that.” “Saaame.”

“Just like onions, composite functions make me cry.”

“Nooo, but the second one is different!”

“Waiii, Ms Raaayymoss!!!”

T: “This *rapid hand shaking* means anxiety

“I would’ve been right, but I did it wrong.”

T: “I hate everyone in this room.”

“That’s gonna be my senior quote: ‘This, parenthesis school parenthesis, kills the man.’”

T: “Close my door! … Thank you!”

“Did you know that you can stop it (the announcements)? You just throw a hammer at it.”

*scattered depressed yays*

T: “I’m gonna start teaching now, thanks.”

“Sin minus what in the hell ”

“Is it that y minus crap?”

T: “Cool, someone left their eraser, it’s mine now.”

“Ms, if I give you a quote, you’ll say it’s cheesy.” T: “Oh my god, are you still sensitive about that??” “Yes I’m still sensitive about that!”

“I did that once, she didn’t notice.” “Wait, do what?” “Don’t worry about it.”

“Are you dying, more like, are you deading?”

T: *writing the answer on the board, which is -2cot(sinθ)csc^2(sinθ)cosθ* “That’s the alphabet.”

“That looks easy. Probably isn’t, but the illusion of easy is still there.”

“I don’t think it’s that hot. You’re all ugly. ... Are you gonna quote me?”

T: “Let’s try a more complicated problem.” “FNAF Sister Location.”

“WAII, IS THAT THE ANSWER? IS THE ANSWER THE QUESTION??” “We did it! THIS IS THE ULTIMATE ONION!”

“I dunno, I farted I guess”

T: “But you have no 3x here.” “...” “BOY, U THOT!” “Yeah, I thought.”

T: “If I could find your derivative, then I could be the one over you” (1/u)

“Well, what do you suck?” “Oh, the usual normal stuff. Nipples, obviously. Cortina’s penis. Oh wait, it doesn’t exist!”

“Wow, that looks, that looks, that looks like something I’d regret doing.”

“I’m Valery, of course I was gonna be born in October!”

“Nick got the opening gates of Heaven.” *aaHHH* T: “Yeah, that’s what it’s supposed to look like.”

“I don’t regret.”

“It’s not my fault, it’s *in unison* the problem’s fault.”

T: “du du du, oh who cares?” “I learn so much in math.”

T: *quiet cry of why*

“I would’ve gotten the points -- if I wasn’t such an idiot!”

“I’m so hurt.” “Matthew, this is HELL”

“How long does it take to render it?” “Uh.” “9 million years.” “Yeah, I’d estimate that”

*twins in unison* “Double the cream, double the fun. The new Oreos double stuffed”

“It’s Valery’s D”

“Look man, I don’t chose my socks”

“The way I wrote it, it says yey.” “YEY!”

“I got it, but I didn’t.” “What was it?” “The y. It’s not yey, it’s ey.”

*me and a friend singing Bet on It*

“Everything in math matters.”

“I don’t care anymore.” “Damn, Nigel doesn’t care anymore.”

“Man, I miss my gummy bears.” T: “At what rate did I eat those gummy bears?”

“You gotta draw the lake (leak).” T: ??? *draws squiggly* “No, the leak!” T: “Oh, leak? I thought you said lake!”

T: *draws a house* “Yo, that’s a face!” “That’s Squidward’s house!” “It’s a totem!”

That time I fooled a classmate

“I thought you said that my sexuality gives you the fractions.” “Obviously.”

“Stop reminding me that I forget basic math relations.” “What did you forget?” “4th grade math.”

“Can’t you just do that?” “No, you plebeian!”

“You have to multiply eveRYTHING”

“It concaves up.” T: “It concaves up.” “yOOOO” Class: “OHHHHHH” “We’re geniuses!”

T: “She (J) gets so excited when she understands something!” *class starts laughing* T: “No, I’m serious, it’s a good thing!” Student to J: “Is that why you’re never excited?” *class oohhhs*

“The only blue pen I have.” “It’s not even blue, it’s black!” “Well shit”

“You’re so squoosh!” “I’m just a skeleton with a layer of donuts”

*Psycho music plays* *class laughs* “The impending doom of the math that approaches!”

“What do you call a snake that is exactly 3.14 meters long? A π-thon!”

T: “Who has the (unit) circle?” “I like lowkey know it.” T: “Really lowkey.”

“Great. Now back to my regularly scheduled gay shit.”

“Nick the dick.”

“Nick the brick licks slick dick sticks.” “Nick the thick brick.” “Nick the sick thick chick brick licks slick dick sticks.”

T: “I’ve actually taken out the batteries of my remote control to put in my calculator.”

“Fuck yeah!” T: “Are you frustrated?” “No, I said ‘fuck yeah’!”

“I didn’t know why everyone was screaming POI until it finally hit me.” “Man, her mind was on POT.”

“She’s Jesus!”

“Look at this net, that I just found!” “I was thinking the exact same thing!” “NO STOP”

*me pointing at i* “BALD BALD BALD BALD”

“Do we use a calculator for this?” “No calculators, we die like men.”

“Error. Good job.”

T: “No me de esa cara.”

T: “Let’s see, what did I call it here ... nothing.”

“What in equation? What in optimization?”

T: “I was doing this in a rush. Never do things in a rush, guys.”

“You could get caught!” “I don’t give a shit.” “You’d lose $60!” “Oh shit, maybe 2 shits.”

T: “I’ll multiply everything by 3r^2.” “Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute -- is that legal?” T: “Yes.”

“My numbers are 50!”

“Not gonna lie, I said the word “coefficient”and I was surprised.”

“The naked F.”

“That could be there.”

“Ln is foolishproof, right?”

“What in approximation?”

“Is it fair?” T: “What is?” “Is it fair to flip them?” T: “Yeah!” “Is it legal?”

T: “1 2 3 4 5 6 7 oh whatever.”

“Why are you so extra?” “I’m not extra, you’re just not enough.”

“Will Patty get 2 tickets? *flips the eraser* Matthew.”

T: “You can move out the 3 if it bothers you so much, look at him, probrecito.”

“I thought it was some weird trendy calculus thing.”

“Darth Vader?”

“The answer is divide. The album. Buy it now.”

“YOU’RE a capital F!”

“Nigel, we’re not doing the quiz -- we’re doing the TEST!”

T: “I don’t, I’m sorry.” “No, I’m sorry.” “We’re all sorry.”

*about Nicholas* “He’s already failing, he’s a leftie.”

“With all this work, I’m gonna pull a Kelli.” “What do you mean?” “Cry for no reason.”

T: “It’s integrated in your integration work, haha.”

#my school #math #2016

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