#who if i mention wanting to explore my femininity will be like 'GOD i WISH' like yes im well aware. you traumadumped abt it the other week | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

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#who if i mention wanting to explore my femininity will be like 'GOD i WISH' like yes im well aware. you traumadumped abt it the other week

nightly-flame · 2 years

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what religion do you practice? I am interested. This is lowkey a tmi but I got molested by my Christian church pastor and I’m tired of the church. I need advice on how to find what to do.

I’m a luciferian demonolater. As a luciferian, I seek illumination, empowerment, truth, freedom, wisdom, healing, and self-love. As a demonolater, I seek out the mentorship of demons (and deities) to help me along my journey of becoming my best self. I study and practice mediumship, tarot, spirit work, energy work, magic, demonology, and occultism.

Since I mentioned I'm a demonolater, I should probably explain the true nature of demons. Demons are not evil spirits that want to drag all souls to Hell. They are wise and ancient mentors that are greatly misunderstood because of the lies that have spread about them over the many years. They despise and punish corruption, rather than promote it. They do not encourage the harming of innocents. Anyone who has said demons told them to do immoral and horrible things are actually communicating with malicious spirits pretending to be demons.

I’m so sorry that happened to you. No need to feel like you are sharing too much. You are doing a good thing for your soul by acknowledging what happened and sharing your experience, rather than bottling it inside.

As for finding a new spiritual path, follow what you are drawn to most. Discover what your soul deeply craves and don’t allow Christian teachings to shame you. Explore and do research on different spiritual paths and don’t be afraid to incorporate different elements from each belief system to pave your own personal path.

I recommend trying to connect with your higher self before committing to a path/religion/practice. Our higher self is our awakened and true self at our soul’s core. They can give us clarity on anything in life and can help guide us. They can certainly help you to discover what spiritual path is best for you. Meditation is one way we can connect with our higher self.

If you'd like to work with spiritual beings, the main ones people work with are ancestors, spirit guides, angels, demons, and deities. For beginners in spirit work, I recommend trying to connect with your ancestors and spirit guides before any other spirits.

If you wish to work with the true God (not the imposter god Jehovah that Christianity worships), Source and Queen of Heaven would be your option. Source is the masculine half of the Supreme God and Queen of Heaven is the feminine half of the Supreme God. The Supreme God was here before anything else came into existence and they are the one who began creation.

Always be careful when working with spirits because there are imposter spirits that like to pretend to be the spirits people work with, including well known ones.

As someone who was raised Catholic and was once a devout Christian Baptist, I am very happy to have freed myself from the religion. It was not easy for me to break free and I am still working on healing some religious trauma to this day, but it was worth it to achieve my freedom. I am now able to step more into my true self and work towards my spiritual evolution.

If there are any other questions you have or anything you want clarified, don't be afraid to ask and I’ll answer to the best of my ability 💜

#luciferian #demonolatry #spiritual path #tw molestation

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hotdamnmadison · 2 years

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Killing The Kink: Sissification

It's Monday morning. I'm late getting out of bed (which happens on most Monday's I think.) I sip the lukewarm cup of coffee beside me and begin scrolling through my NSFW socials. I'm mainly on Fetlife now - funny, I use it ten times more than I use my own personal vanilla social media pages. I scroll through pics and posts - perving on my fellow perverts and their hot content. It's a great way to start the day - mainly because they're providing me with potential ideas for my own content.

One post catches my eye. And not in a good way. I'll preface this with a slight disclaimer... 1.) I haven't had time to properly gather my thoughts on the subject, so I may ramble a bit and make mistakes... 2.) I will not be mentioning names/profiles because I respect the privacy of the poster and those who commented.

The post was a simple status update. No formatting. Just plain text...

"No one forces their kinks on others more than Breeders, Sissies and Diaper people. Just saying."

I read it a few times. And then a few more. There were already fifty some odd comments on this particular status update as well. My curiosity of course got the better of me - so clicked into the comments section.

---

Before we tackle that - I want to remind everyone that I am still relatively new to the world of kinks, proper sexual terminologies, the Do's and Do Not's, and what can be considered improper and insensitive. God knows that I've slipped up and made mistakes. I've misgendered before. I've assumed things about others. And overall I've been doing my best to be more sensitive toward those things. Back in 2020 - 2021 (somewhere in there) I started to notice a different perspective on sissification. This perspective takes a stance that I had never thought of - but that I'd wished I had.

In 2022, the world as a whole is very aware of both racism and sexism across many industries, the work place, simple hobbies, and of course - politics. I myself am much more liberal than I am conservative. And I've cut off a handful of friends who simply were far too toxic to continue hanging out with.

Why am I telling you this?

I am telling you this because that same racism and sexism has found it's way into the world of BDSM as well - and it CAN BE found in Sissification. And that is exactly what I read in the comments section of the post from this morning...

"the sissy kink is not even a kink. Its just a bunch of vile people who get off on racism and seixsm and call it "sissification". And act like they're the ones being humiliated?? While their whole kink is on the back of humiliating other people and playing a character out of it. I hate it sm"

it’s the race play ajs getting off on being humiliated as a woman that makes me wanna hurl. Not to mention they bully women when they can. They basically take all the traits of Regina George and mix it with their own misogyny and make their own version of a toxic cosmo. I can’t stand it. No I will not take that back lol

Holy fucking yikes. I quickly started to look within myself to see why I PERSONALLY got into dressing up as a girl and pursuing men in a sexual manner. Then I remembered something. Sissy captions and hypnos were maybe a helping gateway drug into my world off crossdressing and expressing my femininity - but I was already headed that direction WITHOUT the help of those things. And on top of that - I HATE everything to do with sissification.

I hate objectification. Some people may be into that - I personally began dressing and exploring my feminine side because I wanted to be loved on in a boyfriend-loves-girlfriend manner.

I hate forced fem (forced anything really) because it insinuates that being feminine is a bad thing. I wasn't FORCED to do anything. Quite the opposite actually.

I do NOT discriminate when it comes to men. And while I may be considered a size queen (wink wink) I do not have a particular preference for "BBC". If I find you attractive, I find you attractive. Simple as that.

Phew. A sigh of relief and another sip of coffee. Okay, so if sissification is bad - I should purge it from my pages as quickly as possible... where to being?

For starters, changing my Fet profile a bit was a must. But wait... If I am not a crossdressing guy who likes to feel girly at times (sissy).... then what the hell am I? The search began... Now I will say this - I've struggled with my identity for a while now because I don't have the urge to completely commit to the transitioning process (though I do find myself more comfortable in my Ashley skin than in my other.)

After researching it a bit more and looking up a variety of glossaries in an attempt to place myself - I have concluded that (for now) I feel genderfluid. I love being Ashley, but not all the time. I love being (Redacted boy name) but not all the time. So for now that just feels right... And more importantly, I can now begin purging my profile of a kink/fetish that some (if not most) find offensive. I'm not any less horny calling myself something else, and if anything it feels BETTER to go by something less degrading. I am not an object. I am a human. And my femininity is strong.

---

Another disclaimer incoming: Not every sissy is racist or misogynistic. This is not me accusing YOU of anything. This is me encouraging you to evaluate yourself and consider why you are into crossdressing to begin with.

Lets not make the "not all men" argument here. I would invite you to look within yourself as I have and see if you are something other than a "sissy" by the kink definition.

---

This is such a tough post to write because there are CIS women, and maybe even some trans women as well, who don't really feel bothered by the sissification kink. They see it and maybe ignore it. Some may even encourage the term/ideas through dominatrix relationships with their subs. To go a step further, there are African American men who are unbothered by the "BBC supremacy" trope. They may even encourage the idea of being known as the "Crème de la Crème" of sissy penis/daddy hunting escapades. (My apologies if that description is too much.)

Point being: some may not be bothered, but that doesn't mean it should be overlooked. Race play, misogynistic character play, and femininity = weakness - those things have consequences. And I refuse to paint myself into that box. So yes, in the coming days I hope to readjust my profiles, social, etc. Some things will slip through the cracks - and for that I apologize. I will catch things as I notice them and in the future I will try and be better about avoiding certain triggers.

Thanks for learning with me :)

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kootiepatra · 1 year

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NEW WOL DROP

Keimwyda isn't going anywhere, and she will always be my beloved baby, but over the past few months my brain has been itching to also explore FFXIV's story from a different perspective.

So meet O'septha. Her parents and a few other adults from the O Tribe fled to Ul'dah in the early days of the Empire's advance on their homeland, leading to O'septha and all but her oldest siblings/half-siblings being born and raised there.

As an adult, she went into work with Hearty Briar, a friend she'd known since childhood--a sharp Roegadyn who had a nose for finding business deals that needed runners, messengers, and middlemen, in the various strictly legal arrangements being conducted everyday in the city. The job needed people who would ask no questions and take no guff, and above all, be absolutely discrete. O'septha was good at all of those things. Her and Hearty's clients knew her only by her working alias of Silent Coerl.

It was all a big rat race, of course. Everyone had an angle, as is Ul'dah's way, and one party or other in their deals often walked away a bit poorer if not wiser. And for most people, that's not personal--it's just business. Until one day, one particular deal ran afoul of the wrong rat.

As a result, O'septha needed to swiftly get out of town to lay low for a while, heading to Limsa Lominsa at Hearty's recommendation. Her weapons of choice have always been daggers, but she is also starting to train with an axe. She'll always prefer to stick to the shadows, but Hellsguard hired muscle are big, and so she feels a little bit more comfortable being able to wield a weapon that exudes a stronger "back off" vibe when she needs to.

I've got several half-finished documents on her--I want to take my time through MSQ and flesh out her lore as I go. But here's an excerpt from the opening scenes of MSQ to get to know her a little bit better. :)

=================

She was floating in an expanse she could see neither the beginning nor end of. Faint swirls of color pulsed around her. She was descending, down and down, until her feet touched a floor that was not really there.

Flashes of images assailed her. A giant crystal suspended upon nothing. A coiling cloud of darkness that parted, revealing a man clothed in black robes, face obscured by an angry red mask. She looked down and saw herself wearing armor that was unfamiliar to her, wielding an axe nothing like the one she had grabbed during her panicked flight from Ul’dah. She struck at the man, not really knowing why.

A low feminine voice reverberated around her. Hear… feel… think…

Then a raspy masculine one. Oi! Ye all right, lass?

“Lass?”

O’septha snapped awake to the voice that was not in her dream after all. A bearded man stood over her, far closer and more interested in her than she would have liked.

Gods, when did I fall asleep? She must have been more exhausted than she realized.

“You were moanin’ in your sleep and sweatin’ buckets besides. Rollin’ of the ship got your stomach churnin’, has it?”

She blearily tried to focus on the stranger and wished with everything in her that he would go away. “No,” she said flatly, in a tone which dripped with her profound disinterest in continuing this conversation.

“Hmm… Don’t seem like seasickness now that I look at you. It’ll be the aether then, I reckon.”

She stared at him. He really just kept talking, huh. She could not fathom where he thought she had come from that she wouldn’t know what aetherytes were, but she was not about to tell him.

The ship lurched worryingly and the man staggered in an effort to keep his feet. O’septha rocked unsteadily on the bench where she was seated and glanced around the cabin, as if that would somehow reveal the source of the upset. The man kept blathering about how rough the sea was.

He mentioned going up on deck to get some fresh air, and despite her own irritation, she found herself acquiescing to his invitation to join him. Fresh air did sound nice. And obnoxious as this man was, he seemed friendly enough. Perhaps it meant more to her than she realized to have a meaningless conversation with someone who clearly had no interest in trying to kill her.

O’septha’s reticence did precisely nothing to deter the small talk from her fellow passenger. A peddler, as it turns out, by the name of Brennan. She regarded him with mild amusement despite herself. Yes, she could see it. She knew his like in the scraggly drifters who would wander through the Sapphire Avenue Exchange, hawking strange baubles that few people wanted, before cheerfully wandering out of the city to their next destination. How they managed to eke out a living, she never knew.

“Ain’t no secret that adventurin’ is dangerous business—these days especially,” Brennan smiled. “What was it that first attracted you to it?”

O’septha hesitated. What was she was supposed to say? I am on the run from armed goons in Ul’dah and I have to feed myself somehow? She finally shrugged. “It’s a private matter.”

“Well, if you ain’t inclined to tell, I ain’t about to pry. Might be as ol’ Brennan’s a chatterbox, but he sure as hells ain’t no busybody.”

She arched a skeptical eyebrow at him.

“We all have a secret or three, don’t we?” he said, smiling broadly. “Me? Dozens!”

At the rate he was talking, O’septha rather doubted it.

#FFXIV #writing by me #wol lore #fanfic

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hale-of-stiles-heart · 2 years

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THOR: Love and Thunder

Went to go see Love And Thunder with my dad and I just wanted to ramble a bit! Spoilers below!

the introduction of Gor was pretty good

started a little slow I feel with Thor and the Guardians where I feel like they made Thor kinda annoying to the point that it wasn't funny but whatever

the scene with Sif was weird bc it was played too much for laughs with her apparently not knowing that she'd need to die in battle to go to Valhalla which is 1. weird bc how would she not know? she's Asgardian 2. not true bc Odin didn't die in battle and went to Valhalla

Matt Damon reprising his role was very fun but boy did that scene drag on

Jane having stage 4 cancer and that's why she goes to Mjolnir was kinda interesting and I was happy to see Darcy and Selvig even for just a bit!

I do think the flashback montage of Thor and Jane's relationship was kinda weird bc it seemed very generic when they could've used actual moments from the past movies that had more poignancy and expanded on those

Gor's shadow creatures were so cool and I love the different designs for them!!!

also Jane Thor is so fucking cool I was so excited to see it!!! And the way that Mjolnir being shattered was incorporated into the fighting with it breaking into projectiles was very cool!!

love love love Thor and Jane being awkward exes but I think the whole "Mjolnir is Thor's ex hammer and Stormbreaker is jealous and acting up" thing could've been explored more seriously rather than just as a running joke bc Ragnarok established he didn't need Mjolnir then they gave him Stormbreaker and since they kept emphasizing that Thor doesn't know who he is they shouldn't treated that more seriously I think

it was cool they had Heimdall's son included! (I actually thought for a second he was trans bc he chose to use the name Axel instead of Astrid and I'm used to Astrid being a feminine name but it's Disney so y'know but a fun headcanon)

I wish they would've made Gor nicer to the kids which is probably dumb to say of a villain but he lost his daughter and there was a moment where he mentioned her to the kids so I think it would've been interesting to see him be genuinely nicer to them to reinforce the fact he took up the mantle of God Butcher to avenge his daughter

I liked Russel Crowe as Zeus, I can see what they were going for with him being older and heavy, an old god king who just wants to go to orgies and show off, but they should've skipped the accent bc he sounded more Italian than Greek

very happy Korg didn't actually die!

also very fun that apparently Kronans are an entirely male species and Korg had two dads (and later a bf/husband, Dwayne)

I was very happy they confirmed that it was Valkyrie's girlfriend who died in the Ragnarok flashback bc so many ppl insisted it was just a sister but no it was her gf!

though I do wish Valkyrie hadn't taken such a backseat, esp skipping the last big fight but I digress

space dolphins!!!

Thor and Jane's talk was really nice and one of my favorite moments of the movie

love the switch to black and white when they got to the Shadow Realm

the entire fight there was really cool! It was very stylized and just really fun to watch!!!

they made Stormbreaker plot relevant but it felt very forced but maybe I'm biased

Thor giving the kids the power of Odin with their weapons (like in the first movie) was so cool and the whole fight scene was awesome!!!

love Jane showing up even though she knew it would probably kill her esp when without her Thor wouldn't have been able to break the sword

I did actually think that since parts of the sword got mixed in with the bits of Mjolnir that it was gonna infect Jane too and make for a much more tragedy ending where Thor would have to kill her but no

I ultimately think Gor bringing his daughter back was a waste of a wish bc he just went ahead and died and even acknowledged she'd be alone - and even though Jane pretty much volunteered Thor to adopt her it was a little weird that he'd suddenly be okay with a god taking care of his kid but whatever

personally, I think it would've been cool if Thor offered Gor and his daughter a place in Valhalla bc that would've been the eternal reward he was so devastated by not getting

Jane's death did hurt me but I was so excited to see that she turned to gold dust like the dying gods did 👀

admittedly I don't like the whole "Thor adopts Gor's daughter" thing so the ending itself was kinda lackluster for me

the first post credit scene was okay, was funny seeing the dude from that soccer show as Hercules bc he seems too scrawny to be Hercules but whatever

the second post credit scene was so good!!! Jane going to Valhalla! seeing Heimdall again! even in his ugly ass outfit! I think that should've been the actual ending, a bit longer and showing off more of Valhalla bc Jane deserves her eternal heaven and I think it'd be a good callback to the end of the first movie where Thor was told that Jane's searching for him with now it being Jane in Valhalla and Thor on Earth

Overall I liked it! I'd definitely watch it again but I wouldn't really go out of my way to see it again! I think it needed some tweaks and could've cut down on the awkward funny bits so it was a bit more serious! Not as good as Ragnarok but better than a lot of other Marvel movies!

#thor love and thunder #spoilers #long post #love and thunder spoilers

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honeyandbloodpoetry · 3 years

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Abuse and Gender Expression - Gender Thoughts Part Three

Huuuuuge trigger warnings for peer abuse, emotional abuse, physical abuse, sexual abuse, religious abuse, a murder attempt and mentions of self harm, suicidal ideation and an eating disorder. 18+ talk of sexual activity also included. Discretion advised!

I feel like the first time I realized I needed to perform high femininity to be accepted was in sixth grade. I was slotted into a rotating elective class, and the first one was a careers class. That careers class was utter hell for me. Every single day, I was tormented by an entire classroom of about twenty of my peers. I was bullied, no, abused for being fat and ugly and weird. I was called a whore, and told the only way I could ever be loved was someone raping me. Things were thrown at me, I was shoved down and tripped. I was bullied for my special interest in Transformers. I was told I was so fat and ugly I should be killed and be made into meat and cheese and fed to starving people because that was my only worth. Every single day I was told I should kill myself in varying ways. And all of that is just a quick summary. It was intense and brutal abuse for an entire semester, and I distinctly remember a day where there was a literal pool of tears on my desk. I couldn’t understand. I reached out to the teacher for help, and genuinely can’t remember exactly what he said. All I know is that he simply watched, and sometimes even joined in with “jokes” of his own. This was also the year abuse from my mother amped up, and home was a warzone--we were constantly arguing, and she became a professional at gaslighting and poking and prodding me until I exploded so I could be blamed for fighting back. My father would vacantly stand by and remind me not to fight back. This was also the year I began to self harm as a way of release.

I remember thinking that if I looked more like the girls in my class, I wouldn’t be bullied so much. I was told I was ugly and unlovable, so I thought that if I performed more femininely, maybe I could be like those who tormented me and therefore not be a target. I thought there was something inherently wrong with the way I presented myself. I convinced my mother to take me to the store, and I bought wedge heels and gaudy jewelry I did not like to wear with my uniform--replacing my autobot necklace and sweatband. In another class I was teased for not shaving and for having ugly feet, so I learned to paint my nails, file my heels, and shave every bit of hair on my body--the echo of my father saying that since I grew pubic hair, I was now a woman and held accountable for all of my sins an echo on the cusp of my mind. I did everything in my power to be more pretty and girly. I used to be loud and rambunctious, and began to go silent and demure.

I remember walking up to the class in the new get-up that was certainly not me. I felt that I would be accepted but as I walked up...I fell flat on my ass. I couldn’t walk in the heels. They all pointed and laughed at me, and the abuse continued in even higher intensity. It was until the next semester that I fought back by throwing a desk at two of my abusers who followed me to the next rotating elective, screaming and snarling at them to leave me alone. Those two in particular stopped, but abuse from others continued for many years in many instances. I developed an eating disorder, continued self harming, and began to try and form femininity and “attractiveness” to the best of my ability. I added things like bows and kitty ears and flower crowns to my wardrobe--sure they were cute, and I did like them in a way, but it felt like putting on a costume or some sort of womanly obligation. It didn’t feel like me. Years later, I was told by someone I trusted that I was “too fat to wear pants”, which I internalized and began to only wear dresses--same thing with feeling like I was wearing a costume. I tried to be beautiful. I wanted to be butch, be myself, but I felt that if I was a cute and girly girl, demure and sweet, I wouldn’t be a target. I would be loved.

And so I locked myself away.

My relationship with my mother was a rocky one. She is definitely a sick and broken person, but I doubt she will ever get help. She swings between extremes, and I was always her doll and punching bag. She had a habit of pushing and pushing, finding all the littles holes in me that triggered autistic meltdowns and despair. She criticized everything about me, from my weight and height to my blaming me for how tangled my hair was. She entered me in sports and spelling bees with gentle but insisting prodding about how good I would be when I would rather be reading or playing, and when I got frustrated she would say it was my choice...when in reality I just wanted her approval. When I got older, and especially after my father killed himself, I began to fight back and question her authority though--sometimes violently. She didn’t like that, and was violent right back, and oftentimes first. I struggled my whole life with blaming myself for my outbursts and reactions, but through therapy I have learned I was a child being gaslit and abused, shown that violence was the only answer… And through therapy, I have learned to do better and grow. The worst instance of abuse was me having an autistic meltdown where I said that we should both just die and her response was to pull out a gun and point it at me--I collapsed down into our trash covered room (I was forced to share a bed with her) and pleaded with her to stop. She threatened to kill me and help me out since I was so suicidal, then turned the gun on herself and threatened to kill herself, in which I had to talk her down. When the gun was down, I fled in a flurry of tears and barely contained screams. It was truly the most horrible moment of my life, and I still struggle with the ptsd of that moment to this day. I was only fourteen.

All that background to say, my mother was extremely possessive of my body. She seemed to love to touch my breasts and butt, jerk me around, slap my butt, watch me get dressed. When I begged her to stop, she would tell me that she made that body and could do whatever she wanted to it. I found messages on her phone of her talking to guys about having sex with me and stealing my panties. She wouldn’t let me do my own hair because I couldn’t do it right. She wouldn’t let me bathe alone until I was over ten years old. I didn’t ever have my own room until I was 18 and shared it with my partner. She never let me play with my hair and kept a close eye on what I wore. This combined with my very religious Christian father, who said things like “if you know more song lyrics than bible verses when you die, you’ll go to hell” and the aforementioned accountability, along with things like letting me know he loved God more than me and always seeming to walk in while I was changing… I always felt owned by something. I never felt like my body or my identity belonged to me alone. And so it was extremely difficult to explore myself.

Sexual exploration became an outlet. I was asexual and didn’t possess sexual attraction or a desire for coital sex (still don’t), but I enjoyed kink play with my partner and playing with myself. I enjoyed porn, mostly stories. I always felt drawn to mlm porn, but never understood why. I saw myself in the big, fat men of the stories. I wished it could be me, wished I was a big hairy man like that. Wished I could be loved like that. Reading those types of erotica always got me off and made me feel relaxed and fulfilled, no matter what kink it regarded. Of course my mom would slutshame me without even knowing what I got up to, but sexual activity and pornography helped me find solace and ownership of my body. When I was aroused and taking care of myself, being taken care of, or taking care of someone else, I felt like I was finally in control of my body and my happiness. I had been sexually abused in different ways by different people throughout my life, and finding a certain safety and security in the kind of sexual activity I explored made me feel like...me. I found myself in those big men, but still didn’t make the connection that I was not cis.

It wasn’t until many years that I began to question my gender. First nonbinary, then agender, then genderfluid, then bigender, then nonbinary again, now finally transmasc. I am autistic and struggle with a resistance to change. I have struggled with shifting my name because it feels like a betrayal to become something new. So I have become Charis instead of Charissa...but I think I may be Myles instead. Since I have struggled with abuse and feeling owned my whole life, it is scary to take my self creation into my own hands. People I am close to have expressed concern and dislike for my transition--especially my mother. I came out to her two days ago over the phone when she guessed I was transgender--or “wanted a sex change” as she put it. She outed me to her anti-lgbt boyfriend without my consent, and now they want to have a discussion. She cried and told me it was too much and she couldn’t talk yet. I am still unsure of what to do about it. I know my mother is broken, and has come far from the cruelty she was once capable of--but she still swings. I see those shattered pieces and their sharp edges and know they have the ability to cut. It is terrifying.

Coming out, especially after so many years of abuse, has been absolutely terrifying and difficult. I am still navigating how to do it, especially with a name change. The clinic I am going to for hrt screwed up with their scheduling and had to reschedule me for later this month, a frustrating thing. I am looking forward to starting hrt, but also scared how people will treat me once those changes begin happening. Even with these fears and struggling with my interpersonal relationships...this is the greatest choice I have ever made. It is my truth and my freedom, and I will fight against that fear to become my most authentic self. I have an incredible partner by my side, and with their support and my own self love, I can do anything.

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jojotichakorn · 3 years

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@octopisunsets said: Her nephew literally tried to do the Bad Thing to himself because he was so worried he would hurt Yuhan. Of COURSE her first instinct would be to remove him from the very person that drove him to attempt the Bad Thing.

major trigger warning for discussions of suicide in this post !!

so , let’s talk about the aunt , shall we ?

first of all , yoo han didn't " drive yeon woo to his suicide attempt " . how can you even say that ? what drove yeon woo to it was the idea that he is a monster , that what he is is bad - the idea that the world ( his aunt included ) forced onto him repeatedly .

i'm going to give you a clear metaphor . a good chunk of queer people have an especially hard time dealing with both internal and external homophobia at this specific point . considering how homophobic society is , it is already very hard to be queer on your own , but when you have a partner , things really set in motion . who you are is no longer a theoretical thing homophobic people around you can ignore ( especially if you aren't visibly queer and/or are in the closet ) - because at this point you become visibly queer and you step out of the closet , you have a partner . and then imagine , you are already in this complicated situation , and then you come to your aunt ( the only family you have left and the woman you live with ) and she says she doesn't approve . it's very akin to the whole " you shouldn't do this , because the world is so homophobic and it would be so hard on you " and " i wouldn't want you to live the kind of heavy life those people live " . do those ideas come out of love ? perhaps . but it doesn't matter , because they come from blatant homophobia as well . and in immortal words of my best friend : love is useless if it hurts the other .

second of all , his aunt was against them from the start and she still is at the end of the series . even though she allows them to be together ( and thank gods for that ) , she does not approve .

when she first finds out about yoo han , the scene that happens between her and yeon woo is terrifying .

both my parents are fucking shitheads , so i am all too familiar with the layout , which can sometimes be scarier than kicking and screaming . the silence , the angry disappointed look , it’s all there .

she gives yeon woo time to bask in his own shame . she makes sure he comes to the conclusion of what he’s done wrong on his own . the impact is always stronger that way . and then the verdict .

it always comes . right away . it’s harsh , it’s unforgiving . sometimes , it isn’t even true . sometimes it’s just emotional blackmail that they hope will lead their child to the conclusion they want from them without too much fuss . the delivery is also often completely emotionless , to give the verdict an air of a fact rather than a decision that can be argued .

and then we see the aunt show her true face .

the face that’s selfish - first and foremost , it’s always selfish . they always have something that they want for their child ( or rather - for themselves in connection to the child ) , and it matters more than what their child themself wants .

and don’t tell me yeon woo is selfish here as well , because in this clear parent/child power imbalance , the child can not be selfish . ultimately , the aunt makes all decisions , she is in charge of his life ( also known as the reason why children are oppressed and we have the convention on the rights of a child - i don’t actually know if yeon woo is a minor here or not , so children’s rights might not specifically apply to him , but the point still stands - the parent makes the decisions ) . this is not a balanced conversation . this is not a dialogue of what each of them wants - it is a monologue of what the aunt wants with yeon woo’s attempts to protest and have his opinion valued even a little bit .

she has lost her sister , and there is a possibility she will lose him too . her first thought isn’t what yeon woo wants - that he wants to try , that he knows the possibilities and dangers all too well himself . her first thought is her own wants and needs .

and she realizes it too . when yeon woo breaks down , she backtracks .

but she doesn’t stop , does she ?

she continues reminding him that he is acting exactly like his mother ( you know , the one that went MISSING , the one they LOST ) at every turn . you know what this reminds me of ? when i first came out to my mother back when i was identifying as a guy , she made every single conversation we had about how i am the most feminine girl in the world and i could never be anything , but a girl .

it’s the relentless reminders , it’s this idea that they make sure to put into your head . they do it because they hope that one day you will hear it so many times , you will start believing it yourself .

but may i remind you , this sister the aunt talks of is yeon woo’s mother ? it isn’t as if he hasn’t experienced the same thing she has - he lost his mom , who he loved more than anyone else in the world ! and she uses this fact to make him do what she wants . i also remind you that yeon woo’s mother - you know , an actual mono - was proud of who she was . she told yeon woo stories of how she met his dad , and how he will one day also meet someone who will be this incredible person that brings color and love into his life .

and don’t you dare tell me that the aunt , who is a regular ass fucking person , knows more about the hardships of being a mono than yeon woo’s mom ( who - i repeat - was an actual mono ) . the aunt doesn’t know shite about the experience , she is terrified of it and what it can do , and she is very much perpetuating the idea of it being monstrous , she always has .

and then yeon woo breaks down , because he starts believing it . fully now . he is a monster . and after his aunt finds him , what is her first instinct ? that’s right - to send him to what is basically the equivalent of a conversion camp . ( no , seriously , the whole concept and the framing of yoo han as specifically saving yeon woo from there - it’s pretty straightforward ) .

and then a change happens . the aunt realizes that oop - actually , if she continues forbidding yeon woo and yoo han’s relationship , she will lose yeon woo anyway . and that , of course , won’t do , since that’s what she was so scared of in the first place . so she reluctantly allows them to be together . why do i say reluctantly ? well , because of this final scene with the aunt :

( pro tip : this is actually not what support looks like - just saying ! )

also , just to mention some quick statistics , being supported for who you are at home helps out children a lot . all children , but especially my dear lgbtq+ children . for example , my fellow trans folks have a suicide rate of 40% . according to different studies , it drops to anywhere between 20% to 15% in case of family acceptance .

to say that yeon woo’s suicide attempt was due to him finding his probe and finally fully embracing being a mono is the same as to say that my suicide attempt three years ago was due to me being trans and finally accepting it . neither are true . it was because we both had shitty , unsupportive home environments .

so actually , now that i have explored this whole thing more carefully , i retract my statement . the aunt isn’t just icky , she fucking sucks !

oh and by the way , don’t try to show me moments where the aunt was “ nice “ or whatever - that will only prove that you don’t know shit about the topic . it’s the one day in a week rule that so often confuses people , who end up in abusive relationships . “ oh , they are perfect almost every day , but then there is a time once a week ... “ - no amount of candy given every monday can make up for a bruise planted every sunday .

- yours truly , unwilling expert on shitty parents ( no , seriously , i wish i didn’t know and couldn’t see any of this shit , but alas , my life took an ugly turn in the family department ) .

#color rush #suicide tw #suicide mention tw #long post #archer speaks #if it sounds like im angry - i sure as hell fucking am #i have lived almost 19 years on this shitty planet and i have heard ALL the excuses about all sorts of shitty parents #and frankly im fucking tired of it #so i wont stop talking about this until yall start believing actual victims of abusive neglectful and otherwise shitty parents #and implying that YOO HAN or yeon woo being a mono in and of itself drove yeon woo to attempt suicide ???#gods forbid what kind of victim blaming is going on here i ........

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ltleflrt · 4 years

Text

So I was having a conversation on Discord about omegaverse tonight, and my brain won’t shut up about it, because as usual I come up with my arguments after the discussion is over. I should have been asleep 3 hours ago, but it’s hot and I can’t unwind, so I’m going to stay up EVEN LATER while the a/c brings things down a few degrees, and I try to get these thoughts out of my head.

I was pro-omegaverse, and trying to explain why *I personally* like the genre, and why I think even with it’s problematic origins and frequently used elements, it’s still a cool genre. I was essentially having 2 discussions, but they were both using my answers to their questions, even though I was usually addressing them 1 at a time. That happens when you’re in a Discord chat, and I wasn’t @ing my answers to them, since we were all in the room together. And I think that cunfuddled the discussion and my thoughts. So here’s a breakdown.

Issue 1. Biological Essentialism is gross and rapey.

Answer: Yes, it is. But so what? Some people like pure rape-fantasy. Is it healthy? That can be argued either way, and it definitely depends on the person writing, or the person reading. People like gross and rapey stories to get their rocks off. Whether we like non-con or not, rape fics should be allowed to exist because some people like it. It doesn’t matter if I think their reasons are valid. As long as they’re not actively trying to harm someone, let people get down and dirty with their rapey fantasies.

Also, the whole biological imperative to mate isn’t that far off from Soulmate AUs. Truemates = Soulmates. Whether we like Soulmate AUs or not, are we also arguing that they shouldn’t exist because they’re problematic? No, we’re not. Soulmate AUs are romantic for a lot of people. Let people have their uncomplicated, fluffy, 1 Destined Love stories.

Something to keep in mind though, is that not all omegaverse fics use the true mate trope. And quite a lot of fics have characters with a lot more self control during their mating cycles than what you’d find in the short smutty one shots. It’s common for them to avoid each other during heats, and only share their mating cycle as an act of love, trust, and devotion. After they’ve been dating for a while. (I love it when the alpha brings over snacks and water for the omega, and immediately hightails it out of there once they get a whiff of their sexy love interest. “Take care of yourself, text me when you feel better, loveyoubye! *nyoooom*”)

Issue 2. It’s transphobic.

Answer: This one is harder to argue, because yeah. It can be. But so can non-omegaverse. Transphobia is, unfortunately, everywhere. Exploring human gender through non-human gendered beings isn’t a bad thing though. Cis people should be allowed to explore those things too. This is step 1 to fighting the Patriarchy. Questioning it. Someone may come out of the experience still cis, but they’re going to be more open minded to trans people. Not to mention, all the trans and enby folks who probably figured themselves out through the gender exploration to be found in omegaverse.

Now, if someone’s into omegaverse and they tell you they won’t read a story about a trans character? Red flag.

Personally, I like the gender exploration in omegaverse. Not just in the hormonal stuff, although I do kinda love the idea of seeing cis male characters suffer cramps once a month lol... but I like the stuff about social inequality that women have to go through mapped onto a male character.

I brought this up in the chat, and my use of the term “women’s issues” raised a terfy flag I think, which upset me and made it harder to make my point. Cuz if there’s one thing I’m not, it’s terfy. But I do see women’s issues as also trans issues. Trans Men are treated differently after they start to present as male. There’s a marked difference between their treatment as a woman pre-transition, and as a man afterwards. And they still have to be really careful about accidental pregnancy. I cannot fathom how awful the dysphoria would be for them if they get pregnant. Trans Women are treated horribly pre-transition if they give any hint of feminine interests. There’s a reason “girly” is an insult, and it’s because Toxic Masculinity Is The Worst. And then when they transition? Hooooboy, gods bless those ladies because Trans Women are treated worse than Cis Women on the social pyramid. And Enbies? Oh you sweet things, how the hell do you deal with the rest of us bastards?

When I say that I am interested in seeing the characters I like deal with women’s issues, I am talking about social inequality, not just periods and cramps (although that a little bit too, because I wish a cis man could just fucking UNDERSTAND why I need a goddamn nap okay? lol), but also sexual health rights, including birth control, including the right to choose whether or not to take hormones, the right to equal pay, the right to equal education. Feminism, for me, includes trans and enby folks at the table.

But anyway, the characters I like right now just happen to be men. I see Dean as a man. That could mean he’s a trans man too, because trans men are men, yo. Castiel I see either as a man or non-binary. So if I want to put them through “women’s issues”, I have to plunk them in a special universe for that. No one is writing Matriarchy AUs, so Omegaverse it is!

(Side note: If my OTP were f/f, I’d still like omegaverse. And I could see lots of interesting ways to use all those same tropes for 2 female presenting characters. So it has nothing to do with genitalia. Unless it’s smut. But I swing all the ways, so still not an issue for me lol)

(Side note part deux: I like to read trans stories too. They have unique things about them that cannot be found in stories about cis characters, even in omegaverse. And when I see Dean and Cas as men or enby, I’m not putting down people who like them gender flipped. I just see myself enjoying Trans Woman Claire dating Enby Kaia, more than I’d like to see Dean or Cas written as cis/trans-women.)

Issue 3. Internalized misogyny!

Answer: This is an argument used against women shipping m/m in general, and has nothing to do with omegaverse. It just so happens that omegaverse was created for m/m pairings. But there are TONS of reasons we ship more m/m than any other pairings, ranging from those are the most interesting characters presented to us, to--yes--internalized misogyny. But I’m tired of that one. Internalized misogyny is rampant, and telling women that their fantasies are problematic isn’t going to cure them. There’s better ways to go about it.

Omegaverse now covers m/f and f/f pairings as well, sooooo... yeah, this one just doesn’t hold water like it used to. We just need to yoink the media out of the hands of the cis-men who are mostly in charge, and make them give us more compelling women to ship.

Issue 4: That’s not how human bodies work.

Answer: They’re not human lol! Okay but real talk here. This issue actually sounds transphobic to me, because it strikes very close to the XX vs XY chromosomes argument. Omegaverse characters have intersex variations. Alpha females and Omega males can have both a penis and a vagina in some fics. It depends on how the author wants to write it, of course. I usually go with the (horrifying) cloaca for omega males, and the (hyena inspired) psueudo-penis for alpha females instead, but to each writer their own lol

But again... not human. Let wet buttholes be a thing, lube is expensive and sometimes the bottle gets tangled in the sheets, and you have to stop what you’re doing to find it and... anyway, convenience in fantasy sex is nice lol

In Conclusion:

Personally, I only like non-traditional omegaverse. The stuff that subverts the “problematic” tropes. I was asked what I liked about the genre, and when I explained, it devolved into discussion of the topics above. But I think what was forgotten in that discussion, was that I kept saying I don’t like the “problematic” things. I like flipping the tropes. Which I like in general, when I’m looking for things to read. I mean, how many Castiel Thinks He’s Straight fics are there? Not many! So I wrote one! Because flipping tropes is my jam!

I don’t like Soulmate AUs, but with the proper twist I can still enjoy it. I don’t like Highschool AUs, but I’ve read some that touched me so deeply I still think of them years later. There’s always someone subverting the tropes I don’t like and turning them into something I do like.

And yet even though I kept saying I liked the subversion of the genre, the discussion kept coming back around to the parts of omegaverse that I *don’t* like. I will still defend anyone’s right to like the parts of it that aren’t for me though, so I argued away XD

And? Sometimes I like the dark problematic stuff when I’m in the mood to get my rocks off. Don’t judge, you’re all a little weird in some way or another ;D

Anywho, now that I got this stuff off my chest, hopefully I can sleep. It has also cooled down by like 4 degrees, and I no longer feel like I’m going to melt in my sleep. Tomorrow is going to suck, because I have to get up in 5 hours. Yay!

#ltleramblings #i enjoy thinking about these things #i was enjoying the discord discussion #i just couldn't keep up with 2 people at once #especially 2 people who are much better at thinking on the fly than i am lol

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szivtalan · 4 years

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character ask: kagami, momoi, alex and himuro 👀👀👀

!!! omg thank u Ceru! u might be one of my favorite mutuals <33 (putting this under a read more just so I can speak at lengths about each individual character)

Why I like Kagami: this is where I sarcastically ask “why DON’T i like him” but that’s literally the next question so; he’s everything i want to be and more. He has the determination and the willpower to make his own dreams come true, he’s gay as shit, he’s tall and buff and well-adjusted, mature enough to live on his own at an annoyingly young age, he’s funny and dumb and a total himbo as well as an excellent advisor bc of how grounded he is.

Why I don’t: I’m... not really good with explosive people. Violent men with loud voices especially scare me, and I’d think I’d flinch around him a lot and that would make me rlly anxious.

Favorite episode: it’s a toss-up between the Seirin fam visiting his place for the first time (is it where Kuroko confesses his love to him and then passes out in his arms? idk), and the onsen episode. I also loved all his plays against Kise and Aomine. AND the training camp w him running a lot in the sand.

Favorite season/movie: season 2 probably because he’s not a jerk anymore, but he’s still on his way to shed off any asshole behavior stuck to him. And I actually liked Last Game?

Favorite line: “There’s no such thing as useless effort.” and “This is our drama and we write the plot.” because he’s so ridiculous.

Favorite outfit: all of his casual fits... comfy but manly is my Jam

OTP: AoKaga....they’re truly soulmates, star-crossed lovers, canonically brought together by fate.

Brotp/otp no. 2: KagaKuro, I love them

Head Canon: I have several collections because I think too much about this boy, but here’s something I think about his family: he doesn’t know what happened to his mom. He never asked, because it wasn’t relevant, and he didn’t want to inconvenience his dad by questioning him. Occasionally, as a kid he felt like he was missing out on something (seeing other kids with their moms, feeling like they’re being treated with much more gentle care because they have moms), but as he grew older he realized that nurturing behavior shouldn’t have been limited to only a mother, and that he was just straight up neglected without any regards to missing a parent in his life.

Unpopular opinion: I never realized this was an unpopular opinion but I’m glad he went back to America at the end of Last Game. Obviously, it’s sad that he had to separate from the others, but I felt like Japanese basketball has always been just a stepping point to him, and now that he’d beat the best of them, it was time to move on. And it also warms my heart that him getting scouted in the US gave Aomine hope to aim big, too. I felt like both of them would’ve felt trapped in Japan with their skill sets.

A wish: I want him to be happy and gay and to confront Himuro and tell him how hurt he was by how he treated him and probably do the same to his dad too

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen: ....whatever I’d say Shinsun has probably written it/will write it, but I don’t want him to forget about the GoM just because he becomes a world-famous athlete.

5 words to best describe them: sweet child with anger issues

My nickname for them: not mine (it’s Sypha’s) but “Kags”, Kagami, Tigerboy, Kagababe, Baby

Why I like Momoi: she is SO nurturing and sweet and she cares so much about her boys!! I’m sorry it always turns into “how they remind me of myself” but actually I get feeling like a background character and being the moral/emotional/physical support of those who are more talented or in any way better than you. I feel a strange kind of kinship with her and also,,, feminine girls make my heart stop, and it doesn’t get more feminine than Momoi. Added: Aomine aside, the Touou team wouldn’t worth shit without her skills tbh, and she’s not in any way less than the GoM. Also, I appreciate her being the one person to try to keep their friend group together.

Why I don’t: Analytical People Scare me like!! how do u know stuff people are Unknowable!! I usually am also irked by her pointing out Riko’s breast size but I can just pretend that’s in a gay way (maybe Momoi likes girls with small boobs and she’s just bad at flirting) (also I don’t exactly liked her calling Aomine a “ganguro” but I have too little knowledge on the use of this word to say exactly why)

Favorite episode (scene if movie): uh the one where Aomine made her cry? It really came through how much love she actually has for her friends at that one.

Favorite season/movie: she was great in all of them!!

Favorite line: I can’t remember the exact quote and Google isn’t really helpful either but the one where she made Kuroko promise they’ll always play together or something? Or that they’re gonna beat Aomine?? idk?

Favorite outfit: I like all of them but mostly I just appreciate her wearing so many hoodies, she looks so cute in them

OTP / Brotp: it’s both AoMomo. I feel like the have the most special and strongest bond in the entire series.

Head Canon: She’s never been shown to do, but I feel like she wears Aomine’s clothes a Lot. Also, they definitely have sleepovers To This Day.

Unpopular opinion: Momoi is good at basketball and she loves playing!!! But try being successful in it when ur opponents are Giants and Way More Buff than you are

A wish: I wish people appreciated her more!! Both in fandom and in canon. She’s an amazing person and she has her own skills and strengths that are rarely explored or even mentioned anywhere.

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen: her falling out with her boys ;-; I do not want that

5 words to best describe them: strawberry sweetheart to steal ur heart

My nickname for them: Satsuki :> I feel like it’s a little too much to call characters on their first names sometimes but hers is so cute I can’t

Why I like Alex: yet again another woman with an extensive skill set. I love her persistence and again I appreciate getting disillusioned and finding your way back to the thing you love. Also it’s just sweet that she did that by teaching (again, something I can relate to)

Why I don’t: the whole “kissing children” thing rubbed me the wrong way but again, just like Momoi’s obsession with comparing breast sizes, it’s just bad/sexist writing from Fujimaki probably

Favorite episode (scene if movie): adshg any and all where she expressed that Himuro and Kagami are equally important to her <33 that shit makes my heart burst

Favorite season/movie: she only appears towards the end of s2 and in s3 so... I guess s3?

Favorite line: its so Bad that u literally can’t find the iconic quotes of these iconic ladies anywhere but... her story on finding her passion again through teaching kids, and anytime she mentions her fondness of Kagami and Himuro.

Favorite outfit: her iconic olive green coat with the short red shorts... wtf was that I loved it.

OTP: she doesn’t really interact with people her age but I’ve heard she’s shipped with Masako Araki and I’ve seen some seriously good fanarts and like... Yes Good I’d Love To See It

Brotp: I feel like her and Himuro would be that sassy pair that Kagami tries and fails to contain and they get into all sorts of weird, absurd situations asdjs what I’m trying to say is Kagami has to bail them out of jail from time to time

Head Canon: fck me if I’m wrong but she’s the lesbian single mom of the two gay kids she reluctantly adopted from the streets

Unpopular opinion: it’s more like another headcanon, but she can dunk and she taught Kagami how to do it.

A wish: I’d love her to coach the Seirin fam more!! Pls let her be part of her children’s lives (she could also judge streetball games between the goms it would be fun)

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen: anything about her being romantically involved with her pupils makes me.................no

5 words to best describe them: Beautiful Beach Blonde Basketball....goddess

My nickname for them: Alex!! sometimes An Icon

Why I like Himuro: em dash Asdgsdj I’m joking, I’m becoming more and more fond of the boy. Once I realized that he shouldn’t have been the “bigger person” in that situation and one year doesn’t really mean much when you’re that young and that hurt, I realized he’s actually a good and hard-working kid and I’m sorry for giving him so much shade. Also I really like his snark and sass, but that might not even be canon at this point tbh

Why I don’t: I’m still sort of irked by him beating down on Kagami because he was envious/mad, but I realized the aspect of that situation that Really got to me was how devoted Kagami still was to him after all that. That devotion was what felt toxic, nothing that Himuro actually did to him.

Favorite episode (scene if movie): the time they met up w Kagami just to exchange a dramatic socially distancing bro fist and a few encouraging words.... gays be Like That

Favorite season/movie: I really didn’t mind s3 Himuro

Favorite line: apparently he’s said some iconic stuff that I don’t remember (and my sources don’t seem really legit) but I’m gonna say “let’s see you become number 1, bro” because again, that’s just so ridiculous and endearing. On one hand he really went from loathing Kagami to rooting for him and wanting him to reach his full potential and on the other, honey ur like 17 stop speaking like That

Favorite outfit: his knitted V-neck sweaters and the black coat with the white fur.... boy’s got all the fashion sense that’s missing from Kagami

OTP: can I say.....AoHimu asdfh I ship 3/4 of these characters with Aomine what does that say about me

Brotp: KagaHimu. They can be sweet, but I’ve only ever seen Jake write them really well

Head Canon: I’ve been entertaining the idea of....trans Himuro.....

Unpopular opinion: everyone thinks that Kagami is the violent kid and Himuro is the chill, sweet child who’s somehow wound up with this mess of a fiery tiger, but it’s actually Himuro who taught Kagami how to fight and Kagami learned quite a lot of aggression from him

A wish: I feel like Himuro should’ve gotten a separate episode to explore his thoughts, feelings and past. He had so much potential as a character Is2g

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen: him quitting basketball would fucking destroy me. I’d be devastated for others too, but it would really pull on my heartstrings if he just dropped the only thing he’s been so passionate about.

5 words to best describe them: gender-non-conforming emo child

My nickname for them: Himu, Tatsuya, Tatsu

#ask and i shall answer #izukillme #himuro tatsuya #alex garcia #momoi satsuki #kagami taiga #this is long as fuck #also happy birthday himuro??!!!!!

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cantillat-moved · 3 years

Text

@more-than-a-princess 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥 (Not just hot tea, but scorching hot tea)

Sᴇɴᴅ ᴍᴇ ᴀ “ 🔥 “ ғᴏʀ ᴀɴ ᴜɴᴘᴏᴘᴜʟᴀʀ ᴏᴘɪɴɪᴏɴ.

Alright, DR tea for my DR accomplice

I wished that KuzuPeko was slightly “healthier”. Peko wasn’t raised as a person, but rather indoctrinated into devoting herself to Fuyuhiko. While I do believe that not all ships need to be wholesome, and some conflict and certain aspects can lead to some interesting development, Peko was groomed into liking him. It wasn’t Fuyuhiko’s fault, I’m going to make it clear: it was the Kuzuryu gang. And the fact that they both became despairs probably made the situation far worse. I would love to see a future development in which Fuyuhiko assists Peko in finding her humanity, learning how to be a person and either finding someone to truly love and see him as a brother or someone dear to him, or to have a genuine feeling.

Once again I’m going to defend the “77b were brainwashed” thing. It wasn’t something that the anime pulled out of nowhere – the Danganronpa 3 anime has TONS of issues, mostly because it was rushed and it was going to originally be a DR2 adaptation and somehow they decided to make two different animes with the budget and the runtime of one, of course it was a mess. But the brainwashing was an important plot point in the novel Danganronpa Zero, written by Kodaka himself. It was also stated during the last trial in Danganronpa 2 and a central point of Ultra Despair Girls – that, by the way, DRAE and DR2 were developed in tandem. Junko certainly had access to the brainwashing techniques thanks to Yasuke Matsuda, her BOYFRIEND and childhood friend – Mitarai was only a means to an end, they could even had have implemented it without him in the story. I believe that if they had more time or gone in with the idea of making a prequel+sequel from the get go things could have gone more smoothly. Oh, and maybe some studio other than LERCHE could have done a slightly better job. (at least it wasn’t DEEN)

Sonia isn’t an accessory for Gundham OR Hajime. And she isn’t “soft uwu” either. Despite being feminine and soft spoken, the game mentions on passing (and won’t make much of a fuss) that she isn’t some naïve girl, but already had sex, experienced alcoholic drinks and dabbed into politics, as expected of her position. Moreover she had full military training and can drive a tank! She can pretty much kick everyone’s ass, wearing high wheels and looking PRETTY while at it. She isn’t some damsel in distress, she can be the damsel who CAUSES distress. And people need to learn: it isn’t because a girl is being nice to you that she wants to get into your pants.

Oh god, the US translation ruined Tenko and the fandom ran with it. In the original Japanese version, it isn’t like that Tenko is a raging misandrist – but the translation cranked it up to eleven. She was always polite to Saihara, never threatened or mentioned outright physical violence towards him. She wasn’t the only one who suffered from a poor translation, both Ouma, Angie and Gonta also had horrid translations that butchered their characters, but Tenko had it really bad that also stimulated an unhealthy fandom culture. It is really a shame in my opinion: we had an interesting character with Sakura, and having another girl being a martial artist in a slightly different take could have been a great opportunity to explore the philosophy and discipline of martial arts and the respect for all people… But we can’t have nice things. I’m not hating on Tenko, I blame NIS for making a piss poor job, and they already did a questionable job with DR2, but this time they outdid themselves in the shit department.

I also have strong feelings about Danganronpa V3 in general. The first chapter was very strong and well-written, but it soon loses its energy and spirals into spitting the fandom in general. We had an interesting build up, with many characters that were hit or miss, but it sounds like that they were “forced” to follow the exact mold of the previous games and then decided to make that meta joke in the end…Maybe it was because the Persona 5 lore shenanigan plot twist was still fresh in my mind and was handled in a very nice way, but I felt slapped in the face. Somebody mentioned that you were supposed to read the interviews and some meta before playing, but I don’t think it works for me: a narrative, either in a game or a movie (I’m looking at you, KK’s Star Wars trilogy), must be self-contained and all the important info pertaining in the story must be told in universe and not by ‘word of god’ or meta commentary. It was a good idea, but I believe it could have been handled better. I don’t know if there was some executive meddling, something that changed along the way, something that didn’t land or if it is just me. All the games and spin-offs have strong and weak aspects, and because I like the franchise I think it is important to recognize that. I liked the bait-switch protagonist concept, the idea of someone going back into the Killing Game and being brainwashed again in order to end it all, having the characters question if maybe it is REALLY a good idea….Then congratulations! You have been watching Big Brother and fandom takes itself too seriously!!! PSYCHE!!!! LOOOOOOLZ!!!!!!!

#more than a princess #. meme reply

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loverofallthingssmart · 4 years

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Oralie and Bronte for the ask game!

thanks for the ask anon!!

oralie!!

what i like: the way she’s so girly!! like she loves pink and doing her hair and looking pretty and it’s not a bad thing!! shannon does a wonderful job of showing girls who are without a doubt feminine and girly, and yet still show that they’re still badass and still amazing and powerful and i love that so much

what i don’t like: hmmm we don’t really get to see much but i guess i don’t like how she isn’t really shown to grieve kenric’s death (correct me if im wrong) but like even when he dies, she like...cries and that’s it...that’s like the extent of her grief and i know that it’s not the point so i understand it but if we’re being nit picky i might as well.....

favorite book: umm the first one and legacy because her and kenric and bronte were amazing in the first book and legacy because obviously the big reveal

favorite line: don’t have one?

favorite outfit: i don’t think it really mentions it but um her dress for that one function where she was prepping sophie i think? (sorry if im wrong i barely remember legacy)

OTP: koralie?

brotp: kenric, oralie, and bronte because they’re such an iconic trio

headcanon: she loves sour things....kenric has the sweet tooth and so when they were together before they were councillers, they would LOVE getting like fruit and elven food that’s sweet and sour to appease both of them. and they used to love saying they balance each other out like sugary and sour things

unpopular opinion: this may just be my stupidity but i don’t understand the issue sophie had with oralie being her mom? can someone explain that?

wish: i want to really explore the reason for oralie turning to the black swan and her motives and her backstory for that

an oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen: her becoming a bad guy (she’s kind of like a morally-grey right now since she’s on council) but please don’t make her evil evil

nickname: ....................

bronte!!

what i like: i love his personality and growth...like in the beginning he’s bitter and you’re not really supposed to like him (the way he inflicted on sophie hmmmm) and then he slowly like grows closer and he’s super sarcastic and i love that

what i don’t like: ummmm the way he just inflicted on sophie, a (at the time) what?? 14 year old girl with negative emotions...at the beginning you’re meant to dislike him and i really did so

favorite book: nightfall because him and amy

favorite line: not really a line but “bronte muttered a curse under his breath” like you know for a fact he dropped an f-bomb and i love that

favorite outfit: don’t have one? i guess?

OTP: again, i don’t think i have one......i’m pretty versatile with shipping bronte with people (also aro bronte lives in my brain so)

brotp: bronte and amy like they’re so wonderful, just 2 very bitter, sarcastic buddies

headcanon: the first time he inflicts...he’s TERRIFIED out of his mind and he thinks he’s going to be exiled because he’s ancient and the elves have never seen something quite like this. he hides away and when it’s finally revealed he conceals does much...he tries to stop and tries and tries but every time someone touches him his panic shoots through the roof and they’re like automatically hit with negative emotions. the day he’s elected for council he vows to almost never use his power and that’s why he cries when sophie inflicts positive emotions on him...because it’s been so long since he’s felt like that

unpopular opinion: he makes mistakes too? like i feel everyone (including me!!) have such a kind of twisted view like we forget he’s a complete dick to sophie for like the first 2, 3 books and how he technically IS a somewhat morally meh-ish character and also that he’s OLD

wish: more of bronte trying to help the gang and like more raymond holt energy because i love them both

an oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen: probably not going to but a love interest, like please don’t make him like retire as councillor because he disagrees with their morals and somehow find a love interest (even if it’s a guy)

nickname: .........i pronounce his name as bront-eee which seems wrong but idk

give me a character and i will answer!

#kotlc #keeper of the lost cities #councillor oralie #councillor bronte #ask game #ask me anything #2 am ramblings

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callistolivia · 5 years

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Black Moon Lilith; The Demonization of the Feminine

For some time, I’ve wanted to look into the mythology astrologers pull from for interpreting Lilith. For the most part, I have seen some adequate interpretations of Black Moon Lilith. Even websites I don’t particularly recommend for learning astrology have some good, basic information for interpreting Lilith. However with that aside, there is still a particular connotation inflicted on Lilith to be addressed.

Mythological Origins of Lilith

Because of the name, Lilith, the most commonly known story of Lilith is that she was the first wife of Adam. God created her from Earth (many versions of this story like to stress that it was the dirt and dust of Earth. So there is some implication there that she was created unclean and unholy.) and as the story goes, she refused to be subservient to Adam. Some interpretations of this story imply she didn’t want to be intimate with him because she wanted to be intimate with demons, some interpretations imply she just didn’t want to be submissive to him, but rather dominant. What I find most interesting is how Lilith refusing to do something is followed by almost an assumption that she wanted to be or do something else and that something else being something unholy; this is the general theme of this story. Lilith flees from Adam, this angers God who sends two angels to her to try to convince her to go back to Adam. She still refuses and because of that, she apparently transforms into a demon who murders children and has sex with men in their sleep. I can’t help but roll my eyes at this demonization of the supposed first woman for obvious reasons.

The true origins of Lilith go as far back as ancient Sumeria. The name Lilith actually comes from the Sumerian word lilītu, which translates to female demons or wind spirits. With that said, Lilith’s character isn’t correlated to demons. Her character is actually in correlation to the Sumerian Goddess Inanna. Inanna can be synonymous to other Goddesses such as Aphrodite or Ishtar; most Gods and Goddesses are synonymous to each other and share the same ancient roots. Inanna’s name translates to “Queen of Heaven.” She is often referenced as the daughter of Enki, sometimes Enlil. In general, she was worshipped as a Goddess of love, wisdom, fertility; many of the same themes of worship seen in Ishtar, Venus, or Aphrodite. Not a whole lot is known about Inanna, except for a few stories translated from tablets and of course evolutions of these stories (mankind played the game of telephone with the invention of religion...). Some of the commonly known stories of Inanna include Enki giving her knowledge, enlightenment, and power when he was intoxicated, Inanna (or Ishtar) journeying through the underworld, Inanna (or Ishtar) hesitant about marriage to a shepard, and finally Inanna seeking help from her brother when lilitu infested a tree she wanted to turn into a thrown. While these stories may have valuable themes that can be explored (I recommend this interpretation of the poem regarding Inanna, the tree, and lilitu by Diane Wolkstein. Scroll down to 136 “The Huluppu Tree”), the main idea is that this is another symbol humankind created for Goddessness, women, seasons, and life. However, my particular focus is on the evolution of the perception of women and that being the importance to Black Moon Lilith. There is one particular theme of The Huluppu Tree that acknowledges Ianna’s fear and conflict with sexuality. Wolkstein mentions Ianna’s family tree and her relationship/perception to the women in her family versus men. Her connections and experiences with her mother and grandmothers in particular hold importance to her perception of what it means to be a woman. Ianna’s father was born out of the result of rape whereas her mother and maternal grandmother were born out of sacred union. Inanna therefore develops strong desires to be loved and experience sacred union with a male counterpart, but has overwhelming subconscious fears of men and sexuality. Her fears personify when the tree she wishes to carve into a throne and bed becomes invested with snakes (or lilītu). Unable to come to terms with her desires and fears, it is a brother-like companion that hears her cries; Gilgamesh kills the snake and frees Inanna from her fears. What is interesting about the ending to this story is that a man came to her rescue and did not expect anything in return and the relationship between them remained platonic. It is even implied that Gilgamesh may have even accessed a feminine side to himself in this experience of helping Inanna rid of the snake. No one else could have expelled Inanna’s fears, but a male peer who’s motives were simply to understand and dispel. This experience develops a new perception for Inanna where she feels more comfortable with her sexuality and her relationship to others (particularly man versus woman).

The story of Adam and Eve and Adam and Lilith clearly has some connection to The Huluppu Tree, but the story is obviously altered in such a way that makes the woman of the story punished for having consciousness, fears, and desires.

It is no surprise that the popularity of powerful Goddesses such as Inanna or Ishtar made a decline during the reign of Hammurabi. The Hammurabi laws made women significantly less equal to men. This was a transition in the ancient world to a very patricharchy society; women were really considered second class and it is no surprise that over time other religions, cultures, and societies adopted new views on how women should behaviour and their place in the world. The world’s perception of women transformed and the psychological impact we can find within Lilith. Within Black Moon Lilith, we find a woman’s turmoils and fears, the balance between how people see women and how we wish to see women, the internal and external rejection of womanhood, absurd reactions and compensations to actively change perception (transformation), the snake. Lilith isn’t of lust, isn’t a creature, demon, seductress, witch, nor Adam ex-wife, not even Lucifer’s wife (Yes, I’ve seen people come up with interesting ideas as such). She is purely a metaphor of young womanhood and coming to terms with woman’s fears and desires; the uniqueness of the female experience. When interpreting Black Moon Lilith in the birth chart, especially when it’s a prominent component to the chart, the skewed perceptions of women must be peeled away; these are wounds that go back millenniums and the feminine experience can’t be divided between a holy mother and a demon.

#lilith #black moon lilith #will make a post in the future on interpreting in the birth chart #and probably more #there a lot of things I think I haven't discovered yet regarding this #this is just the start #astrology

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diepower · 4 years

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THE MEGA RP PLOTTING SHEET / MEME.

First and foremost, recall that no one is perfect, we all had witnessed some plotting once which did not went too well, be it because of us or our partner. So here have this, which may help for future plotting. It’s a lot! Yes, but perhaps give your partners some insight? Anyway BOLD what fully applies, italicize if only somewhat.

MUN NAME: Kaiman AGE: 27 CONTACT: IM, ask, discord

CHARACTER(S): Meninas McAllon, Orihime Inoue, Retsu Unohana, Mashiro Kuna, Tier Harribel, Charlotte Chuuhlhourne

CURRENT FANDOM(S): That I write in? It’s gonna be Bleach, OVW (super selectively im just here for one person), ASOIAF (barely- literally when the mood strikes and that one is private also). I have a lot of current interests in general though.

BLEACH FANDOM(S) YOU HAVE AN AU FOR: While I don’t have anything fully established... I’ve been working with an ASOIAF au (for Harribel & Unohana specifically, though I’m considering it with other characters too), A Dorohedoro AU (for Unohana and Orihime), as well as a Persona AU (more specifically 2&3) for Orihime. I’ve also got a number of post-canon AUs or continuities for all my characters as well!

MY LANGUAGE(S): English, super basic Spanish, barest ASL, fairly good French

THEMES I’M INTERESTED IN FOR RP: FANTASY / SCIENCE FICTION / HORROR / WESTERN / ROMANCE / THRILLER / MYSTERY / DYSTOPIA / ADVENTURE / MODERN / EROTIC / CRIME / MYTHOLOGY / CLASSIC / HISTORY / RENAISSANCE / MEDIEVAL / ANCIENT / WAR / FAMILY / POLITICS / RELIGION / SCHOOL / ADULTHOOD / CHILDHOOD / APOCALYPTIC / GODS / SPORT / MUSIC / SCIENCE / FIGHTS / ANGST / SMUT / DRAMA

PREFERRED THREAD LENGTH: ONE-LINER / 1 PARA / 2 PARA / 3+ / NOVELLA (2para is a sweet spot but it really doesn’t matter to me)

ASKS CAN BE SEND BY: MUTUALS / NON-MUTUALS / PERSONALS / ANONS.

CAN ASKS BE CONTINUED?: YES / NO ONLY BY MUTUALS?: YES / NO

PREFERRED THREAD TYPE: CRACK / CASUAL NOTHING TOO DEEP / SERIOUS / DEEP AS HECK.

IS REALISM / RESEARCH IMPORTANT FOR YOU IN CERTAIN THEMES?: YES / NO.

ARE YOU ATM OPEN FOR NEW PLOTS?: YES / NO / DEPENDS.

DO YOU HANDLE YOUR DRAFT / ASK - COUNT WELL?: YES / NO / SOMEWHAT. (i let them build up too often but some of yall are too quick to reply jkglfjdgsd)

HOW LONG DO YOU USUALLY TAKE TO REPLY?: 24H / 1 WEEK / 2 WEEKS / 3+ / MONTHS / YEARS / DEPENDS ON MOOD AND INSPIRATION, AND IF I’M BUSY

I’M OKAY WITH INTERACTING: ORIGINAL CHARACTERS / A RELATIVE OF MY CHARACTER (AN OC) / DUPLICATES / MY FANDOM / CROSSOVERS / MULTI-MUSES / SELF-INSERTS / PEOPLE WITH NO AU VERSE FOR MY FANDOM / CANON-DIVERGENT PORTRAYALS / AU-VERSIONS (italicized are okay, but under really specific circumstances)

DO YOU POST MORE IC OR OOC?: IC / OOC.

ARE YOU SELECTIVE WITH FOLLOWING OTHERS?: YES / NO / DEPENDS

BEST WAYS TO APPROACH YOU FOR RP/PLOTTING: I’m pretty anal about plotting in that I often refuse to RP unless it’s been plotted or I liked a starter call. And in the case of the latter, I’ll still hop into DMs to plot further depending on where the thread takes us. That said, the best way to reach me is through IMs or Discord (available on request). The only time I turn down plots is if I feel like it would put my character in an OOC situation, and I especially dislike my character being one-sidedly used as a tool to further another character’s development without anything being reciprocated (this happens often especially wrt my healer characters)

WHAT EXPECTATIONS DO YOU HOLD TOWARDS YOUR PLOTTING PARTNER: Communication is really important to me, especially with regards to comfort regarding certain plot elements, and approaching other in-character situations that might have multiple different solutions. I think it’s important that both characters involved get the same amount of development out of writing a thread, and I really hate the idea of being imbalanced as far as that goes (more on that below). That said, I’m always perfectly down to spitball plot ideas and tweak/refine other concepts because I really do enjoy plotting, it’s just super important to me that things are communicated clearly. I get extremely distressed and frustrated IRL if people just kinda throw stuff at me, and it often kills my muse.

WHEN YOU NOTICE THE PLOTTING IS RATHER ONE-SIDED, WHAT DO YOU DO?: I make an active effort to come up with plots that are engaging and beneficial fairly equally to both parties. I mentioned this above, but especially in the case of writing my healer characters, I have a huge disdain for characters being used as tools to further development while getting nothing substantial in return. That said, I try to be very aware of this in terms of a potential writing partner being on the receiving end. IMO it feels like shit, but I definitely don’t want to make someone else feel that way either. That said, so long as stuff is plotted out clearly and me and the writer are both okay with it, then it’s fine. COMMUNICATION IS KEY, BASICALLY.

HOW DO YOU USUALLY PLOT WITH OTHERS, DO YOU GIVE INPUT OR LEAVE MOST WORK TOWARDS YOUR PARTNER?: I kinda just like to throw spaghetti at the wall and whatever sticks, I’m down to fly with. I have a lot of ideas, but again, I like to give my partners the option of doing whatever they’re comfortable with, and h aving equal contribution opportunities.

WHEN A PARTNER DROPS THE THREAD, DO YOU WISH TO KNOW?: YES / NO / DEPENDS.

- AND WHY?: Everyone has their own circumstances, I really don’t mind. If it’s one I’ve been especially looking forward to, I might be bummed, but it’s no skin off my nose really.

WHAT COULD POSSIBLY LEAD YOU TO DROP A THREAD?: I don’t typically drop threads or abandon them during their writing. The only thing that would make me do so is offensive content, or huge plot elements being introduced that makes my character ooc and wasn’t previously discussed during plotting.

WILL YOU TELL YOUR PARTNER?: YES / NO / DEPENDS.

IS COMMUNICATION IN THE RPC IMPORTANT TO YOU? YES / NO.

-AND WHY?: I already feel like I need to take a lot of extra steps to understand others and be understood, and that isn’t something often reciprocated. In my experience, just honest communication is the quickest solution to issues that crop up during writing. For those who HAVE actually had me reach out to them in this way, I really do try to be polite and respectful while being straightforward so the situation can be resolved without any hurt feelings.

ARE YOU OKAY WITH ABSOLUTE HONESTY, EVEN IF IT MAY MEANS HEARING SOMETHING NEGATIVE ABOUT YOU AND/OR PORTRAYAL?: As long as it’s constructive, and not merely negativity, I welcome it. After all, I can’t fix a huge flaw in my writing without having an alternative solution. I’m open to accepting feedback and critique, especially wrt Meninas since my portrayal is quite a large departure from popular fanon perception (from those who choose to pay attention to her, lol), but I also thrive on suggested remedies and solutions to issues in my writing.

DO YOU THINK YOU CAN HANDLE SUCH SITUATION IN A MATURE WAY? YES / NO.

WHY DO YOU RP AGAIN, IS THERE A GOAL?: I like to tell stories, and I like to tell narratives that take root in emotional expression and how those feelings can act as a vehicle to the storytelling. I want to move people through feeling, because it can be a powerful experience. I use a lot of inspiration from themes in my other favorite series, as well as inspiration from my own personal experiences as well. I tend to pick characters who have one or two traits in common with myself, whether those be negative or positive. I’m very excited to share all the things I have planned for Meninas, as she’s certainly my most ambitious project to date.

WISHLIST, BE IT PLOTS OR SCENARIOS: For Meninas specifically, I want to interact with Squad 11 and Squad 9 during the CFYOW verse I have planned. Hisagi specifically would be interesting because of the clash of ideals, in addition to being the only other living person to be able to relate to the horror of being under Pepe’s thrall. I’d also like to steal Ikkaku’s bankai, and have more fight scenes. Lastly, Meninas doesn’t do much of anything in CFYOW, so more interactions with Mayuri and Squad 12 would be cool.

THEMES I WON’T EVER RP / EXPLORE: I don’t mind briefly referencing darker themes in my writing, especially wrt my own personal experiences, but I want to be very clear that I refuse to write at length or romanticize these themes. I refuse to write anything involving rape, homophobia, transphobia, racism, pedophilia, etc, with this in mind.

WHAT TYPE OF STARTERS DO YOU PREFER / DISLIKE, CAN’T WORK WITH?: Unless previously discussed, I struggle with starters that have a character pushing mine away. If the situation is super OOC for my character to be in, or frankly too mundane. In Meninas’ case, most domestic stuff is a snoozefest for me (but I LOVE this for other characters).

WHAT TYPE OF CHARACTERS CATCH YOUR INTEREST THE MOST?: *saoirse ronan voice* Women. UHHH but no, for real... I like fleshing out female characters quite a bit. Personality types are varied, but I like characters who have some level of nuance to their emotional expression whether it’s an internal or external struggle. I like powerful women too, and the exploration of “strength” as a theme (esp at the intersection of the theme of “femininity” and its expressions) whether this is external strength or internal fortitude. I think I play a wide variety of characters who have vastly different thoughts, beliefs, and forms of expression, but I try to find something in common with who I portray to act as a touch stone. I also like characters who have themes of “justice” and nuanced morality.

WHAT TYPE OF CHARACTERS CATCH YOUR INTEREST THE LEAST?: 99% of male characters. And I also hate tsunderes gjklsdjfd

WHAT ARE YOUR STRONG ASPECTS AS RP PARTNER?: I really like my writing style especially wrt using emotion to set a cinematic scene and overall tone. I think I’m really strong with conveying emotion, especially with things that are often unspoken. I try to communicate with partners clearly and establish rapports. I love writing headcanons and have a TON of plot ideas as well.

WHAT ARE YOUR WEAK ASPECTS AS RP PARTNER?: Oh I’m the slowest replier on the planet and I’m apparently intimidating lol

DO YOU RP SMUT?: YES / NO / DEPENDS.

DO YOU PREFER TO GO INTO DETAIL?: YES / NO / DEPENDS (i prefer to go into detail about sensations, rather than the actual acts as it comes off stifled and weirdly technical)

ARE YOU OKAY WITH BLACK CURTAIN?: YES / NO

- WHEN DO YOU RP SMUT? MORE OUT OF FUN OR CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT?: Honestly I just do what Meninas tells me.

- ANYTHING YOU WOULD NOT WANT TO RP THERE?: Kink stuff is weird territory for me, absolutely gotta be discussed in private and comfort levels clearly established.

ARE SHIPS IMPORTANT TO YOU?: YES / NO. Relationships in general rule, and while I do have a romantic ship that plays a large part in Meninas’ plot, the romance comes secondary to the plot itself. I really enjoy writing and developing romances, but more than that I like establishing connections. I love the relationships I’ve got planned with Giselle, Candice, Liltotto, and Bambietta because there are going to be a LOT of drastically different things that inform my portrayal of Meninas coming from these relationships (both positive and negative, but ultimately places of growth).

WOULD YOU SAY YOUR BLOG IS SHIP-FOCUSED?: YES / NO. Like I said, plot comes first. And especially in the case of Meninas, she has a lot of self exploration and reflection to do before she can engage in a healthy relationship or address any feelings of romance. I do place a large focus on the formation of her relationships and how they shape the way she relates to other people and grows as a person, but I am extremely sensitive to making sure I’m not writing a female character who’s entire development is dependent on a romance with a male character- perish the thought lol.

DO YOU USE READ MORE?: YES / NO / SOMETIMES WHEN I WRITE LONG STUFF.

ARE YOU: MULTI-SHIP / SINGLE-SHIP / DUAL-SHIP — MULTIVERSE / Singleverse.

WHAT DO YOU LOVE TO EXPLORE THE MOST IN YOUR SHIPS?: For Meninas, it’s a matter of her acknowledging, understanding, and accepting that she can be worth more than how useful she is to others. She had a series of traumatizing and character defining experiences regarding love, romance, and personal worth that strongly shaped the way she perceives her relationships to others and her emotional expression. Trust is another huge factor for me, Meninas needs to be around someone she believes in. Strength is another aspect. She likes someone who challenges her, keeps her on her toes, and is sturdy like physically. Because she’ll break you. THAT SAID- Meninas tends to be open wrt her body, but closed off when it comes to her heart. Hate to see it, love to write it.

ARE YOU OKAY WITH PRE-ESTABLISHED RELATIONSHIPS?: YES / NO. As long as the premise makes sense. I like relationships to have some matter of significance and planning, especially because of how I’ve written the way Meninas picks and chooses who to get close to in Silbern depending on what suits her interests. Genuine friendship is a weird thing for Meninas, as most of her relationships are formed out of convenience. If you aren’t useful to Meninas’ schemeing, then she has no interest in dealing with you beyond platitudes and keeping up appearances and will interact with you as such.

► SECTION ABOUT YOUR MUSE.

- WHAT COULD POSSIBLY MAKE YOUR MUSE INTERESTING TOWARDS OTHERS, WHY SHOULD THEY RP WITH THIS PARTICULAR CHARACTER OF YOURS NOW, WHAT POSSIBLE PLOTS DO THEY OFFER?: WE LOVE DUPLICITOUS WOMEN! No, but at the core of my Meninas characterization, the sentiment is “Everything is not as it appears” even down to the relationships she has with others. Meninas’ entire personality is constructed as a survival tactic from an early age (in addition to being a way to make herself more useful as a tool to others, and thus seen as having more worth in general), and as a result, she hasn’t really allowed herself to live life as a fully realized person. Her plots generally offer silent rebellion, playing a role in regards to her self presentation, chaotic mean girl level bullshit, and cool fights/training. Also you get to interact with a big buff lady. That said about her personality, it depends on the verse. CFYOW Meninas will be more unhinged, while post-CFYOW Meninas will be more honest and rowdy.

- WITH WHAT TYPE OF MUSES DO YOU USUALLY STRUGGLE TO RP WITH?: Muses who are standoffish or disengage right at the start. Meninas doesn’t interact with people without a certain purpose, so if they aren’t interested, she’s not going to be either.

- WHAT DO THEY DESIRE, IS THEIR GOAL?: Revenge, strength, redefining what “power” means in terms of how the world works. She wants to see the Shinigami dead for their role in her parents deaths, and feels the same about Yhwach.

- WHAT CATCHES THEIR INTEREST FIRST WHEN MEETING SOMEONE NEW?: Ability, potential threat, perceived strength, where loyalty lies; how potentially useful you can be to her.

- WHAT DO THEY VALUE IN A PERSON?: Strength both in a physical sense, but also in belief and convictions. Honesty, and understanding the flaws of the world they live in.

- WHAT THEMES DO THEY LIKE TALKING ABOUT?: Fighting, beauty, freedom, abolishing Quincy classism based on blood purity, music, fashion, blacksmithing.

- WHICH THEMES BORE THEM?: Blind loyalty to Yhwach, talking about the horrors of war as if it doesn’t concern them, Bambietta, Quincy supremacy,

- DID THEY EVER WENT THROUGH SOMETHING TRAUMATIC?: Her parents were killed in the first Quincy war and she was left abandoned and grew up literally fighting for her life and living on the streets. She often likens fighting pits to the bowels of Hell (and I often play with the ironic theme of crawling out of hell to appear as an angel or something divine). She is consumed by a quest for revenge, and strongly believes her ends will justify the means taken to fulfill her ideal. As a direct result of these experiences, her emotional health and maturity is severely affected, and she doesn’t view herself as a person worthy or capable of feeling as much as a tool who, in the right hands, can be utilized to bring about the revenge she craves.

- WHAT COULD LEAD TO AN INSTANT KILL?: (1) Men who feel non-consensually entitled to her body. That said, she’s done a fairly excellent job at maintaining control and an unassuming threatening nature despite the widely known understanding of her Schrift ability and how it augments. (2) Someone touching her Quincy cross, as it’s her most precious and private item. (3) Anyone who dares get in the way of her plans that can’t be manipulated in some other useful aspect.

- IS THERE SOMEONE /-THING THEY HATE?: Meninas hates Yhwach, and the Shinigami most predominately, but she also harbors disgust for Hollows as an instinct. That said, her young life was spent detached from Quincy culture (in addition to being a Gemischt and the inherent isolation that comes with that status), so despite her early induction into the Wandenreich ranks, Meninas does not harbor the same Quincy nationalism and loyalty that others of her race do. They’re a means to an end, and just happen to help her become stronger.

IS YOUR MUSE EASY TO APPROACH?: YES / NO. - Best ways to approach them?: She comes off as easy to approach, but if you want genuine Meninas I’m sorry the number you’re trying to reach has been disconnected. Goodbye!

SOMETHING YOU MAY STILL WANT TO POINT OUT ABOUT YOUR MUSE?: Everything I’ve written about her is based in headcanon! I’ve got both a lengthy biography as well as headcanons gathered in the sidebar links on my blog.

CONGRATS!!! You managed it, now tag your mutuals! ♥

TAGGED BY: @bazzardburner TAGGING: i think this has made its rounds so steal it!

#MEME / ANSWERED #HANDS OF THE DIVINE ; A SELF MADE CREATION / HEADCANON #ok take 2 dont delete all my bolded shit pls

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wiseabsol · 4 years

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WA Reviews “Dominion” by Aurelia le, Chapter 12: The Seal

Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/6383825/12/Dominion

Summary: For the Fire Nation royal siblings, love has always warred with hate. But neither the outward accomplishment of peace nor Azula’s defeat have brought the respite Zuko expected. Will his sister’s plans answer this, or only destroy them both?

Content Warnings: This story contains discussions and depictions of child abuse, emotional abuse, physical abuse, sexual abuse, and incest. This story also explores the idea that Zuko’s redemption arc (and his unlearning of abuse) is not as complete as the show suggested, and that Azula is not a sociopath (with the story having a lot of sympathy for her). If that doesn’t sound like your cup of tea, I would strongly recommend steering clear of this story and my reviews of it.

Note: Because these were originally posted as chapter reviews/commentaries, I will often be talking to the author in them (though sometimes I will also snarkily address the characters). While I’ve also tried not to spoil later events in the story in these reviews, I would strongly recommend reading through chapter 28 before reading these, just to be safe.

Now on to chapter 12!

CHAPTER 12: THE SEAL

Alright, on to chapter twelve, “The Seal,” my favorite chapter of “Dominion!” This is going to be a much longer review than the others, so do be warned in advance.

In regards to the author’s note, I do not envy the amount of research and posing you need to do to handle fight scenes in this story, but I admire how much work you put into it. I think the fight scenes really shine! The other points of discussion here are also interesting, namely regarding Iroh, who we’ll be seeing more interiority from as time goes on.

Into the chapter itself! Oh lord, cricket wasps—I hate the insects in the ATLA world, I really do. So in this flashback, twelve-year-old Ty Lee has snuck over to Azula’s quarters and is watching her through the window, while hanging upside-down from a tree. God, I miss being young and able to climb trees like that with ease. But anyway, Azula is wearing one of her mom’s old robes during the hottest part of the summer, because symbolism and because Azula is sick as a dog. Ty Lee doesn’t know that yet, though.

“Not at lessons, or meditating, or any of the other stuff Li and Lo said every time Ty Lee had tried to call on her in the past two weeks.”—This indicates that Li and Lo are aware of what is going on with Azula, and haven’t done anything to intervene on her behalf. Not that that would be easy, since Ozai is the Fire Lord, BUT—and this is key—in this continuity, they were Azulon’s concubines. Given that there hasn’t been mention of them having Azulon’s bastards in the main story (unlike with Iroh in “The Road”), this implies that Li and Lo had access to birth control. So they could have given some to Azula in the form of tea, or—since they haven’t revealed that they know what is going on to her—to Ozai to give to Azula. They would still be accomplices to Ozai’s abuse, but they could have done some damage control. They didn’t, though. Nor did Ozai. Maybe they all gambled on Azula being too young to conceive, which, A.) Is really gross, and B.) Is ignorant of them, since teenagers who grow up with good diets tend to have their first periods between ages 11-13. They should have taken more precautions. Or, you know, NOT forced Azula to have sex.

I’m getting ahead of myself. Ty Lee is under the impression that Azula is trying to ghost her, and thinks something about Mai that I’m puzzled about: “Something about, they never said anything before—” I feel like this is about Zuko, somehow. Did he not say anything to Mai before he went into exile? I think it’s implied that they already had something going on before he left, given how quickly they got together after season two, but there might have also been a comic that went over how Azula got them together, and used their relationship to secure Zuko’s return home?

“But those old ladies were Azula’s servants, right? So if they were lying to her, it was like Azula was lying to her….”—I think Ty Lee shows a touch of classism here, because she doesn’t consider the possibility that Lo and Li might be lying to her for their own reasons, or that they might be trying to drive a wedge between the girls. Heck, they might even think that Ty Lee is annoying and are just messing with her. She assumes that Lo and Li and Azula are all aligned, because she was taught that that’s what’s proper from servants—that they will align themselves with values of their employers and carry out their wishes. This might even be true in a healthy household, where everyone values each other and are pitching in to make their household a good one. But the Royal Family’s household isn’t healthy, and Lo and Li have more agency than Ty Lee gives them credit for.

Also, it boggles my mind that Lo and Li, the concubines, are Azula’s servants. What in the world did the court think that they were teaching her? I can only assume it was things like cosmetics, fashion, and feminine arts like tea ceremonies, but goodness, weren’t there actual instructors for those, both in the capitol and at the Academy? Possibly Azula chased those teachers away, since Mai says in one chapter that Azula bullied their instructors at the Academy. But still, I can’t imagine no one raised an eyebrow at Lo and Li being assigned to Azula.

“The other girls at the academy said Azula was a liar, even Mai did, but Ty Lee knew she didn’t lie about that. When Ty Lee was being annoying or childish or empty-headed, Azula told her so, she didn’t just invent excuses not to be around her. Mai said it was because Azula didn’t care what she thought. That was the only reason she was honest with Ty Lee. But Azula didn’t care what anyone thought except her dad, and she still lied to all of them….”

We know that Azula lies and that she’s quite good at it, BUT I suspect that what was happening at the Academy was more a case of Azula being bluntly honest, and the people she was talking to not wanting to believe what she was saying. Also, with Ty Lee’s ability to read auras, she—unlike Toph—might be able to catch Azula in a lie, even if she can’t discern what the truth is based on her readings. So I think that Ty Lee has a better grasp on Azula than Mai does, while Mai is less likely to excuse Azula’s toxic actions out of sympathy for her.

“She shouldn’t say goodbye to her friend while she was thinking all these unkind thoughts that probably—definitely—weren’t even true.”—She’s such a sweetheart. This is the chapter that swayed me to the Azula and Ty Lee ship.

“Azula didn’t even know she was out here, Ty Lee realized. But she was practically impossible to sneak up on—“—Because she’s sick, Ty Lee. But also, it’s depressing that Azula is constantly on her guard.

“Azula must not know Li and Lo turned her away, or she wouldn’t ask that.”—Told you, Ty Lee. They have their own agendas.

Ty Lee discusses how Azula’s aura has appeared to her in the past, including this sad line: “Even forest green when she used to watch her mom with Zuko.” Azula has always been jealous of how close Ursa and Zuko were. I suspect that she wanted that closeness with both of them, especially her mom, but none of them knew how to connect with each other.

“Her shadowed eyes were fever-bright, and only stood out more starkly for being lined with kohl.”—Azula, if there’s a day to not bother with make-up, it’s today. I know your little perfectionist heart won’t allow you to skip your routine, but if you’re spending your day vomiting and sweating, throw those cosmetics into the back of the drawer and don’t bother.

“Ty Lee couldn’t remember the last time she saw Azula with her hair down….”—So no sleepovers lately, eh?

It turns out that Ty Lee’s family are having her followed because they’ve made a match for her, and Ty Lee isn’t into it. Azula is similarly not into it and is confused, because it doesn’t seem to make much sense—Ty Lee is very young and has older sisters that still need to be married off, so this seems out of the blue.

“Ty Lee hesitated at that. If she told her the whole story, Azula might try to stop her. She always agreed with her dad.”—There we are, it’s not her family’s idea, it’s Ozai’s. It’s sad that Ty Lee thinks that Azula will automatically side with Ozai on the issue, but it’s also a commonly held belief about Azula, and something that Ozai has cultivated. I don’t think that anyone has tested what might make Azula break from Ozai—the closest she’s gotten to doing so was when she lied to her father, namely for Zuko after Aang’s “death.”

Ty Lee tries to deflect Azula’s questions by saying that her family wants to get her hitched before she runs off and joins the circus. And because Azula does, in fact, care about Ty Lee, she doesn’t laugh at the idea, but is instead hurt that Ty Lee is planning to leave—specifically, that’s she’s planning to leave HER. Azula is terrified of being left alone, now that Zuko, Ursa, Mai, and even Iroh have all left her behind without a backwards glance.

“Ty Lee just glimpsed what looked unbelievably like panic on her wan face”—Ty Lee has never seen Azula panicked before. Or heard her curse before, which is what she does after vomiting into a vase. Ty Lee holds her hair back like a true friend. Somewhere, there’s a college AU of these two having a drunken night out and Ty Lee making sure that Azula doesn’t get vomit in her hair.

“‘You’d think it’d stop after—’ She stopped then, like she only just remembered something.”—Azula nearly slips here, and I do have to wonder what she almost said. After the potion took effect and the cramping and bleeding started? I’m assuming that the expelled fetus would be too small to see at four months, but I don’t know enough about fetal development to know if that’s correct, and I don’t want to look it up.

Ty Lee tries to ask her what she’s sick with, which Azula deflects. When thinking about what Azula could have said that she was sick with, I did wonder if Azula would have gone through a poison training regime at some point—been exposed to increasing doses of X and Y poisons to build up an immunity to them? Of course, this would have to be done under the supervision of a trusted doctor, and who knows if Ozai would trust a doctor enough for that.

“A pulpy mash of what might have been crushed leave, shredded stems, and petals lavender and yellow”—I believe Azula has a double-dose of tansy and pennyroyal here. She also heats up her own tea, which I believe Iroh does too, suggesting that she has equally fine control over her firebending. Zuko, I think, is implied to overheat the water, making for bitter tea.

“‘Just a miscalculation,’ Azula said almost to herself, and Ty Lee heard how she paused over the world, like it wasn’t her own.”—This plays into a couple of things. Azula has a deep fear of making mistakes, in large part due to being raised by an abusive parent who wouldn’t accept anything less than perfection, but also by the trauma of how own his mistakes have physically and psychologically affected her. It also adds another trigger to why Azula blew up at Mai at the Boiling Rock. Not only was she betrayed and abandoned by Mai, but Mai unintentionally reminded her of the pain from a past miscalculation.

“dumped a heaping spoonful of some off-white powder into the cup and stirred”—I wonder what this was?

When Ty Lee points out that Azula’s medicine doesn’t seem to be working, Azula says, “‘It just needs time,’” and I want to sit her down and discuss the sunken cost fallacy, and how you definitely don’t want to apply it to medication. Azula mentions that she wonders if she’ll ever get the taste out of her mouth, and I’m pretty sure she’d get nauseous if she tasted it again, given how aversions work.

“‘I’ve been taking it every few hours, by Fa—by our physician’s orders.’”—This is an ugly little detail. It’s possible that Azula’s “reaction to the herb” later in the chapter isn’t due to it having an unexpected side effect, but because she had way, way too much of it because she followed Ozai’s orders, rather than her doctor’s instructions. Which isn’t her fault, by the way—it’s Ozai’s.

“Ty Lee wondered if Azula could heat her hand to make it a hot compress, like the warm washcloth her Nana would drape on her forehead when she was sick. That always felt so good.”—I doubt that Azula has ever had someone give her a hot compress, so she wouldn’t think to do this.

“‘Listen, you don’t have to run away.’ She drew a deep breath, as if bracing herself for an unpleasant undertaking. ‘I’ll talk to my father. He might get your parents to back off.’”—It’s so telling that Azula isn’t looking forward to asking her father for help.

Ty Lee admits that Ozai suggested the match, and follows it up with others way that Ozai has tried to elevate her family that they’ve declined. Azula puts two and two together and realizes that Ozai—who presumably already got rid of Mai by putting Mai’s family in charge of Omashu—is trying to do the same to Ty Lee. He’s trying to isolate Azula from her loved ones, both because it lowers to risk of their secret coming to light, but is also a classic abuse tactic: make sure the victim has no one but the abuser in their life, and thus no one else they can turn to for help and support.

“‘They’re a cadet branch of your family, from back before Fire Lord Sozin.’”—I’m surprised that Ozai hasn’t found a way to get rid of them. Also, Aurelia, you need to read the Kyoshi novels, because I think you would dig the Fire Nation politics in book two.

“She didn’t start talking again when she saw the look on Azula’s face. It was like someone walled off the last window into her prison cell…. Ty Lee couldn’t guess where that came from, when the princess was the most powerful person she knew. But it fit. Somehow, it fit.”—This hurts so baaaaaaad. But yeah, Ty Lee, you were literally the only bright spot in Azula’s life, and probably the only one who loved her for who she was. Azula is looking at a future where she’s alone with her abuser.

And what does Azula do in response? She puts Ty Lee first. “‘Then you have to go,’” she says, because if Ty Lee doesn’t run now, Ozai is going to find some other, crueler way to get Ty Lee out of the picture, and Azula knows it. When Ty Lee hesitates, Azula lashes out, trying to drive her away. But what she says is rooted in her own insecurities about being abandoned. In her moments of doubt, I think Azula genuinely thought that Ty Lee was looking for an excuse to leave her, too. Even though it’s apparent that Ty Lee cares about her.

“‘Do you think I don’t know we were only introduced because your parents were trying to betroth you to Zuko?’”—That is audacious of a minor noble family, not going to lie.

“her fingers clenching like they always did at the mention of her banished brother.”—Proof that Azula is upset about Zuko being banished, even if she can’t admit it to herself.

“This was the first Ty Lee heard of it, but she guessed it might be true. It was beside the point anyway. ‘That’s my parents, Azula. Not me,’ she insisted, approaching the white-faced princess. ‘You’re my friend, and I care about you. I’m here because I want to be here.’”—Ty Lee is so precious and Azula should date her. Alas, queer relationships are illegal in the Fire Nation, at least during the time this story is set in.

Azula continues to break down and is close to outright crying, which makes Ty Lee’s heart sink. We get this bit of info: “‘Don’t you remember how you felt when your grandad tried to arrange a marriage for you? I mean, I know you were younger, but…you wouldn’t want that for me, would you?’” So Azula was not pleased about having to marry her cousin, Lu Ten. I don’t think that info has quite been revealed yet—I think Ursa thinks about it later—but that’s what’s being referred to here.

“She climbed the shallow steps to sit beside Azula, as close as she dared.”—Even back then, Azula didn’t like being touched. That or Ty Lee is afraid that Azula will hurt her, but I hate that reading.

“‘What I want doesn’t matter,’ the princess spoke with an awful finality. ‘It never did.’”—Holy HELL does this break my heart. I’ve also been there, so I want to wrap Azula up in a hug, even though I know she’d hate that. Also, does Azula know what she wants? What SHE really wants, and not what the people around her wants from and for her?

“‘It matters to me,’ Ty Lee said gently, and reached out to lay a hand on her arm in reassurance.”—Ty Lee is trying to kill me with this sweetness. She’s such a good person!

Azula continues to rant poisonously at Ty Lee, and what Ty Lee doesn’t realize is that there’s a strong undercurrent of self-hatred in what Azula is saying: “but it wasn’t worth putting up with me anymore [ . . . ] was it?” She fully expects people to leave her, and is now actively trying to push Ty Lee away, because then at least she can tell herself that she was the one in control of how their relationship ended, rather than feeling helpless.

And why is that trauma there? Well, because of Ursa. “‘You act like you’re doing me some kind of favor, saying goodbye when my mother didn’t.’” Ursa didn’t say goodbye to Azula. That would have left deep scars on her, even if the rest of her family and friends were supportive of her.

Azula then says something that would be unforgiveable for most people: “‘You act like you’re my friend, when the only one stupid enough to believe that is you.’” Azula knows she went too far, because a few seconds later, “the princess had taken one step closer to where [Ty Lee] still sat at the end of the bed, something like regret written on her bloodless face.” I suspect that Azula would have apologized here, but then she collapses onto her knees.

“Ty Lee was on her feet and down the shallow steps in an instant, her own hurt all but forgotten.”—Ty Lee is such a good friend. She asks Azula what’s wrong, but Azula can’t even think up a convincing lie.

It’s mentioned that one of Azula’s hands go into her robe to clutch at her stomach, and when she draws her fingers away, there is blood on them. She’s bleeding badly at this point, but the heavy clothing is covering it up. At this point, a servant comes in and tells them that Ozai has summoned Azula, despite the fact that she’s very sick. Ty Lee is appalled, but Azula insists on going. Azula orders Ty Lee away, but of course Ty Lee isn’t about to go now.

“She didn’t even get to hug Azula goodbye! And what she said about—about not being her friend…. Azula didn’t mean that, right? If Ty Lee just gave her time, she’d take it back, she’d apologize like she always did before.”—I think it’s undeniable that Azula behaves toxically towards her friends at points. Hopefully this will be something that she grows out of, but that is probably going take a lot of time and effort.

Ty Lee, hearing Azula struggling to get ready, goes to check on her. “[Azula’s] shoulders slumped hopelessly, and she bit her lip so hard she drew blood.”—This really makes you feel for her. She feels like she has to look perfect in front of her own father while she’s severely ill. It makes me want to punch Ozai in the groin. Ty Lee helps her with her hair, which shows that she’s also very brave, as well as a true friend. Ty Lee is so underrated as a character, I swear.

“The blood was gone from her fingers, and Ty Lee started to wonder if she’d only imagined it.”—Ty Lee is going to have the worst time when she puts two and two together that she was there when Azula was having her abortion. Also when she learns what Ozai was doing to Azula. It’s going to break my heart when it happens.

Azula then gives Ty Lee her royal seal, which the chapter is named for. Azula gives it to Ty Lee so that Ty Lee will be able to get whatever she needs on the road. This will also let Azula keep track of where she is, but Ty Lee doesn’t think of that in the moment. Ty Lee tries to glomp Azula, but Azula braces herself as if expecting to be hit. “‘We’re not little kids anymore,’” Azula says, and I’m like, “Girl, you’re thirteen, yes you are.”

Azula’s rejection of the hug hurts Ty Lee, but Ty Lee nonetheless stays in Azula’s room to wait for a real goodbye.

“And sometimes when Azula’s dad sent for her, she came back upset. She might want to talk about it…. She wouldn’t want to talk about it, Ty Lee admitted [. . .] But she might want someone to talk at her, about stupid meaningless stuff to distract her. Azula acted annoyed when she did that, but sometimes Ty Lee thought she secretly liked it.”—This is so sad, given that we know why Azula comes back upset. I also relate to the distraction tactic. My friends and I use it on each other all of the time when we’re upset.

Ty Lee considers staying a few extra days to make sure that Azula is feeling better, which definitely goes against Azula’s warning—but then, Ty Lee doesn’t know that she’s in danger. Ty Lee continues to wait for Azula, even after it gets dark. “Every time she looked up into that dark immensity, Ty Lee thought it looked like a giant mouth. Like Azula slept in a dragon’s maw.”—Oh look, a metaphor!

In the middle of the night, Ozai comes into Azula’s room in a rage and starts destroying her changing screen, which is another abusive action—ruining her belongings in his anger, rather than anything belonging to him—and is probably also a metaphor, since the screen could represent her privacy.

Ozai quickly realizes that Ty Lee is in the room and reigns himself in, though he’s still radiating rage, and Ty Lee knows that he could hurt her: “And Ty Lee knew a moment of blinding terror, when she imagined his big hands doing to her what they did to the screen….” She actually does think that he’s going to hit her at one point.

He interrogates her on why she’s there, and Ty Lee thinks about how he and Zuko have the same eyes. It draws to mind that Zuko actually has the same explosive anger as Ozai, though he, at least, has the excuse of youth. Ty Lee, brave as she is, questions Ozai about where Azula is, and doesn’t buy the explanation he gives her.

“‘She is a prodigy [ . . . ] My perfect girl….’ Something in his voice made Ty Lee’s eyes go wide. He talked about Azula like—like maybe she wasn’t those things anymore. Like something bad happened to her….”—Woof. First, she shouldn’t have to be perfect. Second, what’s happening to Azula is your fault, Ozai, not hers.

“‘She will sit the Burning Throne one day, with the world for her dominion.’”—Title drop! “‘Nothing will divert her from that goal. Nothing [ . . . ] and no one.’”—What if Azula has different dreams, Ozai? What if she does something wild like fall in love? What is SHE wants to join a circus? Cirque Du Soleil, maybe!

In any case, Ty Lee doesn’t get the hint that Ozai is talking about her, or that he sees Ty Lee as a distraction to Azula. Namely, a distraction from him and his ambitions.

“Ty Lee spotted two servants halfway down the length of it. They scrubbed at a dark stain on the tile floor, working on hands and knees with their heads together, whispering. They fell silent immediately on spotting the Fire Lord, and redoubled their efforts, eyes fixed determinedly on their work and not on the young girl he led by the arm down a side passage.”—Oh, they absolutely know what’s going on with Azula. That he’s dragging another young girl down a hallway is not a good look for him, either.

Ozai shoves Ty Lee off onto a guard to escort out of the palace. The guard, to his credit, is gentle with her. Once outside, Ty Lee considers trying to go back inside, wanting to prove to Azula that they’re friends. However, she heeds Azula’s warning instead, which likely saves her life, since Ozai would done something terrible had she ignored his threats. She would have become a security risk once she knew the truth, after all, and it’s not like she’s her family’s heir.

We flash forward to the present day, with Ty Lee reminiscing on what happened afterwards. Ty Lee wrote to Azula, but I strongly suspect that Azula burned the letters after reading them, and didn’t send letters back because she was worried that someone might use them to track Ty Lee down. That and she was pretending that Ty Lee had stolen from her, so no sense in acting too chummy. Also, Azula is Ty Lee’s “first and oldest friend,” which is cute and probably implies the same thing right back at Ty Lee.

Ty Lee thinks about how Azula’s aura was different when they met again, and how Zuko’s was the same color for a while. She noticed that Azula was cold and lying all of the time (her aura colors meaning, “fear of the future, self-expression, or telling the truth,” “struggling to maintain control,” “anger,” and “survival-oriented”), and was getting worse and worse mentally, especially after Zuko left again. Eventually, it was so bad that Ty Lee was scared of her….

But because Ty Lee is a saint, they reconnected at the asylum. When Ty Lee shows her the seal, Azula has doubts that she’ll put her name to anything again, and I’m like, “Please, there is no story if you don’t.”

“Azula didn’t think she would ever get out of the asylum [ . . . ] Zuko refused to even consider releasing her. He would see she wasn’t crazy anymore if he just talked to her, but Zuko wouldn’t even see her. Yeah, Ty Lee knew they had a bad history, but wasn’t it a Fire Lord’s job to take care of all his subjects, even the ones he didn’t like? It made her mad just thinking about it, about him. Why wouldn’t he listen? Didn’t he care?”—Well for one thing, Ty Lee, if Zuko lets Azula out of the asylum, she’ll have to stand trial. She’ll also no longer be under his control, which he cares about much more than Azula herself.

“Azula said not to come back for her birthday, but she didn’t say when to come back. And Ty Lee was left wondering if the answer was, well…never. No. Azula was her friend. She was as much, and meant it.”—So good to see someone having faith in Azula! You go, Ty Lee!

In the present day, the other Kyoshi Warriors all know that Azula has escaped the asylum, but no one has told Ty Lee.

“her skirts falling to cover the linen pantalettes most Kyoshins hadn’t even know were part of the uniform, until Ty Lee arrived.”—This is very funny, given what it implies about Ty Lee’s love of acrobatics.

Aww, Azula is wearing her hair in a braid like Ty Lee taught her. I know it’s more practical for her long hair, but it’s also sweet (and smart, not wearing it in the traditional Fire Nation topknot).

Ty Lee, our sweet summer child, thinks that Zuko let Azula go. “Azula frowned, and a guardedness stole over her face. For once, she looked more sad than angry at the mention of her brother.”—That stings. But the two go inside to discuss Azula’s escape more, since Azula quickly establishes that she broke herself out.

Ty Lee’s house is a mess, because of course it is, but Azula doesn’t actually mind—probably too tired to. “Ty Lee stared. Since when was Azula fine with messy surroundings? She was such a neat-freak even when they were kids that she cleaned Ty Lee’s room unprompted practically every time she came over. One of the lesser-known benefits of having the princess for a friend.”—This is rather funny. I would also not be surprised if, in a modern setting, Azula was diagnosed with some form of OCD, given this sort of behavior.

Azula is very chill and polite during this visit—you can see how much she’s grown when contrasting this to how she treated Ty Lee in the flashback—and perks up at the thought of food. Ty Lee starts to make breakfast, thinking about what Azula’s escape might mean. We get more about how the Kyoshi Warriors are still bitter at Azula, and how Ty Lee sticking up for Azula drove a wedge between her and the others. “Four years, and it was like they didn’t trust her at all!”—Probably because they don’t, where Azula is concerned.

“And she would do just about anything for Azula. Anything but hurt another friend. She drew that line at the boiling Rock, and for all her doubts, Ty Lee didn’t think the princess would cross it again.”—Good, Ty Lee, I’m glad that you’ve set a boundary. Though you might want to be more worried about Mai now, since she would benefit from Azula being hurt or killed, and is still in demonizing Azula mode.

Apparently, back when they were travelling together, Azula would start the campfire and then do firebending practice, rather than helping cook or set up camp, which was self-centered of her. There’s a faint echo of this set-up here, though it’s happening in Ty Lee’s home, and Azula stays put this time.

Ty Lee asks when Azula escaped, and Azula admits that it was on her birthday—Ty Lee had visited two days before—and Ty Lee asks her a piercing question about why she didn’t want Ty Lee there for it: “Was it because—you didn’t want to make me choose again? Or because [ . . . ] you didn’t think I’d choose you?”

Azula admits that there was some of both reasons in there, which Ty Lee is hurt by. “Azula had issues with trust, she knew that. But she still couldn’t help thinking, It’s like nobody trusts me at all! All she wanted was for everyone to like her. Was that so much to ask?”—This is self-centered of Ty Lee, but I’m amused by how this quote ends. No, Ty Lee, not everyone is going to like you, and that’s okay. It sucks, but that’s just how life is. But she’s what, eighteen, so of course that will take some time for her to internalize. Even though I, personally, do think everyone should like her, because she’s great.

“‘I would have chose you,’ Ty Lee said softly, seating herself beside the princess to put them on equal conversational footing. She reached across the table and their empty plates to grasp Azula’s arm. ‘It was wrong of Zuko to keep you there. I told him so, lots of times.’”—This is such a sweet moment and strikes a great contrast to the conversation they had in the flashback. Whereas Azula lashed out in the flashback and Ty Lee wasn’t sure what to do, now Azula is being vulnerable and accepting Ty Lee’s comfort. It’s really nice.

“Azula looked up with a sad smile. ‘I know you did.’”—My heart!

Azula then surprises Ty Lee by asking about her mother, Princess Ursa, and where Zuko searched for her. Mostly he searched in the colonies (have those reverted to the Earth Kingdom or are they still Fire Nation-owned?), but lost the trail at the Great Divide. That place is such a curse to our heroes, isn’t it?

Ty Lee thinks that this is a new adventure to go on with Azula, which on the one hand, I would love, but on the other hand, I’m offended on behalf of the Kyoshi Warriors. Is she just planning to ditch them? Also, from a meta standpoint, she’d be third-wheeling later on. Azula gently shoots the idea down, but proposes that Ty Lee be her ally among her enemies. Not a spy, but a safety net. Ty Lee initially thinks about how Azula once burned her own safety net, but then thinks, “She’s not that person anymore [ . . . ] She’s changed.” Which I do think is true. Azula has a lot of lingering problems, but she does seem genuine about making things up to Ty Lee. So Ty Lee agrees to the deal.

And then the eggs burn and Azula vomits at the smell. Azula reveals that she’s been getting sick a lot lately, which she chalks up to the Earth Kingdom’s food being too heavy. Ty Lee is skeptical of this, and then puts the pieces together before Azula does: Azula is pregnant! Ty Lee is pretty adorably excited about this, not noticing that Azula is quietly panicking, and asks who the father is, which is a line of questioning that Azula shuts down: “‘He’s married [ . . . ] and even if he weren’t, completely worthless.’”

Ty Lee’s exuberance will not be deterred, but Azula is very much not excited: “I’m on the run from the Fire Nation and Earth Kingdom both. This can only slow me down, and make it harder to hide. I should—“—Get rid of it. But Azula isn’t going to, even though she knows that it’s not strategically sound for her to be pregnant, let alone have a baby. At the same time, abortion carries its own, potentially deadly risks.

“And an awful thought occurred to Ty Lee, one too terrible to put to words even. This whole time, she had imagined Azula falling in love with some handsome guard who spirited her away in the middle of the night, or a brave young general who always loved her from afar and broke her out of the asylum to restore her crown…. But she was pregnant, and alone. That should have been Ty Lee’s first clue something was wrong.”—Woof. She doesn’t think that Azula might have been assaulted here, but she does sense that there was nothing romantic in what happened. Also, her fantasies for Azula are so saccharine! XD

When Ty Lee asks for more info, Azula, blushing with shame, says, “‘I don’t—even remember most of it. It might have happened to someone else.’”—Confirming that she was disassociating in chapter seven.

Azula starts crying and Ty Lee hugs her. Azula returns the hug and rambles about how this is another way for “him” to control her, and how much she doesn’t want him to have power over her, which Ty Lee doesn’t understand. But she’s supportive of Azula and tells her that she’ll get through this, because Azula always figures something out.

Ty Lee takes Azula back inside and notices that her aura is a mix of colors, including lemon-yellow, which she thought happened when Azula was lying, but actually represents the fear of losing control. Which, you know, makes sense coming from Azula. The white with white sparkles is the baby.

“Wow, Azula with a baby. It was hard to imagine. But he’d be next in line for the throne, after Lu Ten and Azula herself. Unless—did illegitimate children still inherit? Ty Lee should know this, she used to be a noble.”—Oh Ty Lee, sweetie. No, bastards don’t inherit unless they are legitimized by royal decree. Granted, it’s possible, even probable, that this child will be legitimized, though Zuko would have to be the one to do it. Unless Azula claimed the throne, in which case, she could do it herself. Which would be great. Upset that monarchal system, Azula, it’s terrible!

“Or maybe she would have a girl! Ty Lee hoped she had a girl, one who looked just like her. Ty Lee wondered what the father looked like.”—Pretty dang similar, Ty Lee! Pretty dang similar!

Kaede, one of the Kyoshi Warriors, comes knocking on Ty Lee’s door to tell her about Azula’s escape. You know, only a month late. Ty Lee yells to try to wake Azula up, because Azula is a light sleeper. Yeah, abuse trains you not to sleep too deeply.

Kaede catches on to the fact that Ty Lee might have Azula around when she sees there are two plates set out, though Ty Lee tries to throw her off the scent by suggesting that she’s waiting for Shan Mo, her newest suitor. Oh Ty Lee, if only you were bi and dating girls too, then Kaede couldn’t catch you out on this lie. Apparently, the men take long fishing trips. Kaede insists on going in and checking the house out, but fortunately, Azula has already fled.

Kaede and Ty Lee follow her into the woods. Kaede is shocked to see Azula looking like such a mess, and Azula, being a quick-thinker, loudly accuses Ty Lee of betraying her. It takes Ty Lee a second to catch on, and her response is hilarious: “You’re mean, and I hate you for ALL TIME!” Even if Ty Lee was an amazing actress, I’m pretty sure Kaede wouldn’t have bought this. Not when Ty Lee has been visiting Azula for years now, with her last visit being a scant two days before Azula broke out. The Kyoshi Warriors might even think she helped somehow, even if Ty Lee didn’t accompany Azula off of Ember Island.

“Kaede had drawn her katana, but actually lowered it along with her fan to glance at Ty Lee in disbelief.”—Your distraction, Kaede, is why you’re about to get your butt whooped.

There is some fighting, which is dynamic and exciting, but this cuteness is what sticks out to me: “Ty Lee couldn’t help grinning up at Azula, when the princess flipped overhead. It was always cool to see her combine firebending with the acrobatics Ty Lee taught her. It made her feel a warm glow of accomplishment inside, as if she were the one to pull that off.”—I blame you entirely for making me ship them, Aurelia. Stuff like this makes me want them to take over the palace and raise Azula’s baby together.

Azula knocks Kaede out, and when Ty Lee goes to check on Kaede to confirm that she’s okay, Azula makes a sarcastic quip about what a relief that is. Ty Lee isn’t upset by this—she’s happy that Azula still has her sense of humor: “Most people didn’t realize Azula had a sense of humor, ‘cause it was kind of a black humor. But when she lost it, that was always a bad sign.”—Contrast this later to how alarmed a certain someone is by Azula’s dark humor, and how Azula reacts to it.

“‘Listen, you’re going to be fine [ . . . ] You’re the most beautiful, smartest, perfect girl in the world!’”—First, be more bi, Ty Lee. Be more bi. Second, Azula just nods in response to this, as if she’s humoring Ty Lee’s views of her. She doesn’t actually seem to believe these things about herself anymore, if she ever did.

Azula suggests that Ty Lee needs to be knocked out when the other Warriors find her, and Ty Lee reveals that she can do that to herself: “Ty Lee had ended up practicing that move on herself and volunteers of varying willingness a lot of times, before she got it right.”—Never change, Ty Lee.

Ty Lee doesn’t let Azula leave without a hug this time. Azula hugs her back, and also gives Ty Lee a backwards glance goodbye as she goes. How they’ve both grown since the flashback! Loving the parallelism here!

As Azula heads out, she focuses on the negatives of being pregnant. She then has this truly depressing series of thoughts: “Azula took a moment to wonder if this was how her mother felt about her. If Ursa ever considered ending it, ending her before she ever came into the world. Her mother hadn’t wanted another child, Dad told her. Their marriage had already soured by then, and she was happy in her precious son. But Zuko was a weakling, her father knew it even then. So he demanded another, and her mother complied. She might have acted in secret to prevent him, maybe even did a few times before Azula…. But she could not deny him forever. So Ozai got his wish. And Azula got a mother who hated her existence.”

First, Ozai had no business telling Azula any of that, and almost certainly did it to turn Azula against her mother and draw her closer to him. Second, this paints a very dark picture of Ozai and Ursa’s marriage—a picture we will later learn to be true. It shows the ugliness of a society where divorce isn’t permitted, and where wives are obligated to have their husbands’ children, regardless of what they themselves want.

Azula then starts to consider herself as a potential parent. “Could she do that to a child? [ . . . ] Even if it lived—and with such unfortunate paternity, there was every chance it wouldn’t—could Azula give it that kind of start?”—The fact that she’s wondering this is a promising sign, even if Azula doesn’t realize it yet. It’s also relatable to any victim of child abuse who worries about mistreating their own children, someday.

“You had a father who loved you [ . . . ] How many times did she tell herself that was enough? Enough that he wanted her, enough that he saw her worth?”—Azula, sweetie, if you have to tell yourself this, then it means you don’t have enough emotional support in your life, even from him.

“This baby, if it lived, wouldn’t have even that. Her brother had been happy enough to take advantage, but he didn’t ask for this either. And Zuko never took responsibility for anything, unless it made him look good. His failings were always someone else’s fault. Usually hers.”—This is ugly, but also true about Zuko. I do think that he made progress in the show, between apologizing to Iroh and helping the Avatar. But that doesn’t mean that he doesn’t slip up and fall back into old habits sometimes, especially where Azula is concerned. After all, how would she know that he’s grown as a person, when he’s never showed empathy towards her?

“She blamed the hormones. She blamed her brother, damn him. Damn him. Halfway around the world, and still managed to ruin her life….”—I should note that while I’m not a fan of Zuko’s behavior, Azula is just as poisoned against him. She’s not wrong about this. But she’ll have to deal with her bitterness towards him too, someday.

Azula runs into another group of Warriors and thinks, “They fancied themselves as defenders, not aggressors. Azula counted that about as smart as fighting with one hand tied behind your back.”—This might be a viewpoint shaped by her being a part of a colonizing force, rather than a defending one. I also notice that as she gives them a speech, she goes into a stance where one arm is shielding her core. That could just be a part of the form, but it could also be a subtle, unconscious way of protecting the baby.

During the fight that follows, Azula uses Ty Lee’s techniques against the group, but never aims to kill them—something that can not be said of the Kyoshi Warriors, since they’re using live steel.

“Azula considered them coolly when they fell back to regroup, failing to see the appeal. But then, Ty Lee always did have bad taste when left to her own devices. It was probably inevitable this would extend to her chosen companions.”—Somewhere, Mai is snickering at Azula’s expense. But also, have a little more faith in Ty Lee, Azula.

“A minute’s swordplay, and they forgot that she could firebend. It might almost be funny, if it wasn’t just sad.”—LOL.

“The rain of blows was almost more than Azula could keep up with, her training with blades being nowhere near as extensive as, for example, her brother’s.”—I’m shocked. Azula is admitting that Zuko is better than her at something!

“Never bring a sword to a firefight [ . . . ] Sokka’s little tart might have told you so, if she ever bothered to learn.”—I think this might be the first time that Azula has referenced a member of the Gaang (sans Zuko) by name. It implies that she has a little more respect for him than the others.

One of the downed Warriors says that the Earth Kingdom is planning to take Azula’s head off, to which Azula sarcastically remarks, “‘Trusting to the competence of others [ . . . ] Always a sound strategy.’”—I see Azula’s point that trusting strangers to do a job for you probably isn’t going to work out. However, she should know the value of teamwork, given her journey with Mai and Ty Lee. Possibly she’ll really embrace the concept down the road, but we’ll see.

“And for all that Azula could probably blast enough of them to ashes to make an instructive example, that would hardly contribute to her friendship with Ty Lee.”—Ah yes, making up excuses for why you don’t want to kill people, Azula. Ozai would not have hesitated.

As Azula passes through town, I’ll note there are many men in the crowd, so perhaps Kaede’s comment earlier referred to a specific group of them. Also, as they start to chase after her, Azula does something very cool: “Azula [ . . . ] punched the sand. And blue flames flared from her fist like phoenix wings, surging to twice her own height when they seared down the beach in either direction, drawing a line of fire in the sand. Her attackers scrambled back with gasps and a few yells, when her fire fused the grains to glass and leapt high to hide her from view, fed by her chi. Even those who fought the Fire Navy would not have seen this kata, taught almost exclusively for exhibition firebending. Azula herself hadn’t practiced it in a few months, and was gratified that she remembered it so well.”

It shouldn’t surprise me that Azula knows firebending moves that are for exhibitions, rather than combat, but I love the thought of her tackling these moves just for the joy of it. In a different universe, I could see her taking great satisfaction in winning firebending competitions, possibly while in disguise so as not to sway the judges with her royal status. In fact, Aurelia, let’s maybe add that to the Aunt Tam AU. Tam wants her to join an extracurricular at the Academy. Trophies ensue, which may or may not end up in Tam’s china cabinet (which, knowing her, never actually contained china).

Azula took a tourist boat from Chin Village to get here, which is a fun mental image. She makes a joke about hoping that the villagers can swim, but of course they can. Fortunately, she manages to get away on another boat, but thinks, “Was it going to be like this in every town that recognized her? How tiresome.”—I don’t want to say that’s what you get for being part of an imperialist regime and conquering the largest city in the Earth Kingdom, but…that’s kind of what you get when you do that! XD

Ty Lee wanted to be an actress at one point. I think she made the right call by joining the circus instead, since it’s much more suited to her talents.

“It had been six years to the day Ty Lee ran away for the circus”—That’s interesting. Ty Lee left a month after Azula’s thirteenth birthday.

“An invisible weight seemed to settle in her stomach when she thought back to that, the worst day of her life until she lost the Agni Kai….”—This is very sad. Also, she admits to losing the Agni Kai here, rather than Zuko cheating by having a second.

Now we return to the flashback we began the chapter with. This time, it’s from Azula’s perspective, and she isn’t doing well. She’s dizzy, in pain, and she’s bleeding heavily, enough so that her thighs are already covered in blood, right after she’s changed clothes. She’s worried she’s going to leave a trail before much longer.

“No one could know, no one could ever know, she remembered, forcing herself to take one step, then another. He said, never tell….”—This is horrifying.

“How could there be anything still left inside her? He said that this would end it, he said that it was safe. Their own court physician handed her the prescription, and told her how to brew the tea.”—But did he say how much to take? Also, why in god’s name weren’t you kept in the infirmary? Sure, that would risk someone finding out what’s going on, but if Ozai hadn’t summoned Azula, Azula would probably have bled to death in her bedroom. The only reason that she didn’t die was because a servant went to get a doctor. Alternatively, Ty Lee probably would have gotten a doctor, but either way, sending her to her room alone was a bad idea. You need to observe someone who’s going through this in case something bad happens. Which, you know (gestures wildly at the blood).

“It was too late for these doubts [ . . . ] The time for doubt, if it had ever been, was gone.”—Azula, I’m going to be straight with you. You’re dying. It’s natural to have doubts now.

“Her father was waiting for her, and she couldn’t disappoint him. Especially now…. He had said it was his fault. He miscalculated. She couldn’t have known. He spoke so softly when he said it, he didn’t even sound like himself. But that it happened at all suggested a lack of control. She had to prove she was still in control, always in control. She had to prove he could depend on her in anything—”—Or, maybe, and I know this is wild, Azula, but hear me out: YOU DO NOT NEED TO MAKE UP FOR YOUR FATHER’S FAILINGS. YOU ARE A CHILD. HE SHOULD BE TAKING CARE OF YOU, NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND. IF HE WAS TAKING CARE OF YOU LIKE A PROPER PARENT, THIS WOULDN’T HAVE HAPPENED.

Of course, I’m talking to a wall of text right now, but sue me, this part makes me emotional.

Azula collapses, much to the alarm of the servant. Azula grabs her wrist and orders her to get a doctor, but the servant is “staring with eyes wide as saucers at something near Azula’s feet.” Which is blood, by the way—a spreading pool of blood. Best case scenario, the palace staff assumes that someone stabbed the princess. But in all likelihood, it’s clear to the servant what this is and what it means. If the servant is smart, she’ll say nothing. But I wouldn’t be surprised if there was a staffing purge after this, and I mean that in a very permanent sense.

“A cold heaviness settled over her like a blanket of snow.”—I wonder how Azula knows what that feels like?

“It was only when she was gone and the abandoned hall grew dim round her, that Azula let her tears fall. It was only then she let herself wonder, if her father intended this all along….”—Ooof, this hurts.

“It was all training. She knew that, he knew that. But he had been very clear. No one else could know. They wouldn’t understand. It would mean the end of his reign as Fire Lord, the end of her place in the line of succession.”—Then why, in god’s name, did you do this, Ozai? Why take on this much risk? I daresay it’s overconfidence, since he didn’t foresee what’s happening to Azula right now, but good lord, he’s really something else.

“He could always have more children [ . . . ] With someone who isn’t his daughter.”—God, I hate this. This poor kid!

“But then…why send Ty Lee away? Azula grasped at the possibility. He must not want her to know what they did, but—But why bother to hurt you, when what he really meant was to kill you? She shuddered, bending in on herself. It occurred to her in that moment that there was something profoundly wrong with her life, if this was the only explanation she could find for it.”—There it is. For just a moment, Azula realizes what how nightmarish her life and her relationship with her father are. She’s going to bury this truth, but deep down, she knows that this is wrong. Even if it’s going to take her years to face it again.

“She wished she hadn’t sent Ty Lee away. She wished it until the same image came unbidden to her mind, as when her friend revealed her father’s hand in this. Ty Lee with a scar like Zuko’s, smiling, still smiling until she winced. And the same pain blossomed in her chest as before, surpassing what she felt now as the sun surpassed the moon. She couldn’t let it happen.”—Azula loves Ty Lee so much, even if she’s bad at showing it. I think that if Azula had to chose between Ty Lee and her father, this tells us who she would pick, even if no one, even Azula, would believe it.

Azula blacks out and wakes up intermittently in the infirmary over the following days. “She was in [ . . . ] the same bed they put her brother in when Dad scarred him, ironically enough.”—Yes, that sure is ironic, considering that Ozai’s abuse towards Azula is what landed her here, just like with Zuko.

“Her father was never there when she woke. She wondered if he came while she slept. She wondered if she even wanted him to.”—Good. Be disillusioned with him. Don’t want him around. I think if you were in any shape to run away from him, I’d encourage you to do so. Catch up with Ty Lee and show off your firebending at the circus. I mean, I know Ozai would track you down soon afterwards, but I just want good things for you, Azula. Staying with him will not accomplish that.

“He drew a chair up beside her bed and took a seat as if this were an invitation. Not that he needed one.”—I hate monarchies and patriarchies so much.

Azula can’t even sit up from the pain, which Ozai frowns at. What a dick.

“It was disrespectful not to look at him when he was speaking, but she couldn’t seem to do it.”—I wouldn’t want to look at him either, Azula. He’s awful. “And she closed her eyes at this, feeling as if the longer he sat there, the less air there was in the room.”—This is a bad sign, Azula, on top of all the warning klaxons and flashing danger lights.

“She raised her eyes to his face and traced the line of his jaw, the arch of his brows, the slant of his eyes. All features he passed on to her.”—Ugh.

“This was kinder than she could remember him being in a long time. It should have made her feel better. But it didn’t.”—She is so defeated here, and I don’t blame her for it.

Ozai, being a despicable person, says that this never needs to happen again—not because he’s planning to stop her training, but because he now realizes that using birth control would be a good idea! Azula is understandably horrified. “She almost died, and he wasn’t going to stop.”—Run, Azula. Run away as fast as you can. You will die if you stay in this relationship. I suspect the only reason you didn’t was because of how the events in the show worked out.

“He must have felt her hands jump under his, because Ozai tightened his grip, his hand grown hot enough to sear her skin. A warning of what she could expect if she failed him. Azula knew better than to betray any sign of discomfort.”—Aang, maybe you should have killed Ozai. I get why you didn’t. I get why the writers of the show didn’t want to go in that direction. But Ozai is a monstrous person. Even if he wasn’t trying to conquer the world and willing to burn whole chunks of it to accomplish that goal, how he treats his children is heinous.

Ozai gives her a speech about why her training is important, and I’m sitting here like, “Cool motive, still sexual abuse.” There were other ways Azula could have learned this material—books, lectures from courtesans, maybe some experimentations of her own when she was old enough for it. Instead, the trauma from this abuse is going to haunt her well into adulthood. None of this is making her stronger, either. If anything, it’s left her vulnerable to inappropriate sexual advances, and has made it so that she dissociates during sex, rather than being present for it.

“‘There will always be those who underestimate you, because you were born second, or born a woman.’ She knew he spoke from experience, and felt the same warm glow she always did inside, when he shared that with her. ‘Do not let it gall you as I did, my dear.’”—This would almost be sweet if Ozai wasn’t an emotionally manipulative jerk.

“He stood then, and surprised her by bending to place a light kiss on her forehead, his big hand cupping her chin. He hadn’t done that since she was a little girl”—I hate him so much. This is also manipulative, though I’m not sure if Ozai realizes that that’s what he’s doing.

“Your reaction to the herb was…unexpected. And Lao will pay dearly for it, once your recovery is complete.”—Lao vanished soon afterwards, never to be seen or heard from again.

“I do not mean to harm you [ . . . ] I hope you never doubted that.”—But do your intentions matter when you DID harm her, haven’t apologized for it, and won’t change your actions to ensure her safety in the future?

“‘I never did,’ Azula said quietly. That almost-smiled tugged at the corners of his mouth then, and she knew that he was pleased. It was the first time she succeeded in lying to her father. Azula felt hollow inside.”—Azula has lost her faith in her father. This isn’t a bad thing, though. What’s unfortunate is that she can’t and won’t leave him, even after all of this trauma. I suspect that she’ll think that she has to take care of him, because he’s a flawed human being who “needs” her. But something has broken here, and I hope that someday, she’ll be able to leave him behind. But it’s probably going to be a long time before that happens.

And that wraps up chapter twelve! As always, thank you for the read, Aurelia!

Sincerely,

WiseAbsol

#Dominion by Aurelia le #Azula #avatar: the last airbender #Fanfiction #Review #WiseAbsol

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author-morgan · 4 years

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Phobia ☤ Alexios

four - a vow of vengeance

masterlist

“Be strong, saith my heart; I am a soldier; I have seen worse sights than this.”

Fate decrees two kindred souls from two different empires will find one another, and the spear shall be made whole again.

RUMORS SPREAD AROUND the city in the days following the incident of a traitor or a Spartan –killing Athenian soldiers. Zephyr finds a bloodstained chlamys hidden amongst a dense patch of flowers to the side of the villa and discovers the shaft of the broken spear has a bloody feminine handprint. He brings both items before Irene, watches the color drain from her face. "Care to explain?" She stays quiet, eyes downcast –the sight of blood still makes her feel sick. "Irene, you cannot do this."

Irene recalls the woman's face, beaten and frightened –of both the men and her. "They were going to rape her!" She blurts out. The gods weren't going to send someone to intervene, so she would do so on their behalf.

"You're lucky they didn't rape you or worse!" Zephyr rebukes, regretting the words as soon as they leave his lips. His sister's face grows florid, her expression turns harsh. She doesn't say anything even if her eyes do. "Why were you even outside the city at night?" He asks.

The princess bites down on her tongue. She has felt like a trapped songbird for years. Kept hidden from the outside world. She longs to see new sights on distant horizons, to have adventures like the great heroes of legends. "I want to travel!"

Zephyr pinches the bridge of his nose –he should have known this day would come. "No," he tells her, "you must stay here. There are people in this world who want to find you, Irene." The Order of Ancients. He has told her about the Order many times, mostly to frighten her but she is a woman now and no longer easily frightened by stories of men in masks.

"But they won't!" She counters. Irene has learned to hide her tracks well, knows how to hold her own with sword and spear.

Zephyr shakes his head. "You can't know that!" He castigates. She may be a fighter, but Irene is not a warrior and she does not have experience in war. The Order does and they are ruthless. "Hydarnes wanted you to be kept safe." It's an unscrupulous decision to bring up the old general, but it often works.

Irene's harsh exterior falters at the mention of the man who raised her, but she won't let his memory be used against her any longer. She sits straight –resolute. "Then you can come with me," she tells him.

"You're not going to stop are you?" Her brother asks with a heavy sigh. Irene crosses her arms, tilts her head to the side with a raised brow. "Fine," he concedes, arms crossed. "We can sojourn in Euboea. Alkibiades has business there too." Irene rolls her eyes at the mention of Perikles' ward. Alkibiades and Zephyr are close, but she'll take the small victory. "Hopefully by the time we return, the people will have forgotten about the men you've killed."

JOURNEYING TO EUBOEA does not take long. The galley ship, Lonchi, docks in Chalkis and will set sail back to Athens in five days. More than enough time for Alkibiades to carry out his business and for Irene to explore the southern coast. The princess purchases two strong horses –then promises to return them to the merchant before leaving.

Amarynthos is a quiet seaside chora within a hard day's ride of the island's principle polis. Irene and Zephyr are greeted warmly by the people and their time in the quiet chora passes too quickly.

"I admit," her brother begins, offering a reserved smile to hide his defeat, "this was nice, though we should be getting back to the chora." The hour has grown late, and the sun starts a slow march toward the mainland and sea. He cannot recall a time when Irene was ever this happy. "I'll fetch Arion," he tells her, wishing to give her extra time to take in the views from the Temple of Artemis as they would be leaving in the morning to return to Chalkis.

Irene sits back on the stone steps, imagines how far she could have traveled by now if not for leading a sheltered life in Athens. Her calm is interrupted by shouting. She curses the gods for their poor timing and rises, but when she hears the shout again her blood runs cold. "Zephyr!" Irene screams, running through trees –she's able to stop herself before entering the glade where the rogues are.

She presses her back against a cypress tree, the rough bark digging into her shoulders and peplos. Leonidas' spear is secured on Arion's saddle –just out of reach. A group of five bandits encircles her brother. They've taken his purse of drachmae and the gold medallion from his neck. Next, they will take his life. Ares and Enyo grant me strength. Hermes let me be quick. Drawing in a slow breath, she bolts past Arion, taking the broken spear.

Twigs snap and underbrush rustles under heavy footfalls. Irene watches a shadow shift, moving closer –a blade in hand. She's swift as a young doe and the spear's tip slips into the man's neck. He only has a second to look upon her before the weapon is ripped free and his lifeblood pulses from the deep gash.

A flash of pale green catches the attention of another bandit. Her heart is pounding in her ears –as she looks at the blood staining her hands, she has to fight the urge to retch. Irene crouches down behind another tree and waits.

Someone passes by her and stops, but doesn't look down. Cut a man in the right place, and he's good as dead Theophilus had told her while binding a poor hunter's wound. The hunter had been gored by a deer's antler and nearly bled to death before they could burn it. Irene sees the same opportunity.

The man feels the cold bite of metal just above the interior of his knee, though before he can react Irene presses the blade's edge into his skin –hard and quickly jerks the spear back. His left leg gives, and blood spurts from the gash in sync with her racing heart. He dies by his own sword before a cry of pain or warning can escape his lips.

Two more fall in the same manner –never reacting soon enough to defend themselves. Irene charges into the clearing but hesitates –the last bandit is holding a jagged blade against Zephyr's neck, face hidden behind a stolen helmet. "Put the spear down, girl." The guttural voice belongs to a woman. Her brother is trembling. Blood flows freely from his nose and mouth.

Zephyr looks up to Irene –shoulders heaving, face twisted in rage, and a blood laden spear clutched in her hand. "Drop the fucking spear!" The bandit shouts at the same time Zephyr twists away. He is not quick enough and something sharp sinks into his chest.

The slight opening is all Irene needs –she darts forward, leaps up and slashes the spear. A warm splatter of blood hits the princess' cheek as the woman falls back, hands clawing at her open throat with a terrible gurgling.

Irene turns with a smile instantly gone when she sees the hilt of the bandit's blade rising from her brother's chest. Zephyr collapses and Irene does too. "I'm sorry," she chokes out through tears, her hands hovering over the blade as blood seeps into the pale tunic. Medicine runs in your blood, Irene he had once told her after she'd found work as an apprentice under Theophilus –though now she doesn't believe it to be true. There is nothing she can do.

He takes her hand. "You fought well." The efforts of her training served her well –not a single drop of blood on her hands or robes was her own. Zephyr knows now his sister can defend herself and that brings him peace in these final moments. "Remember, Irene. The Order will never stop searching for you." He reaches up, strokes her cheek with the back of his fingers. "Always keep vigilant," his voice grows weaker, "always march forward." Her brother's hand falls away.

"I'm sorry, Zephyr!" Irene cries but his warm brown eyes are unfocused, gazing upward at the dying light of day –blind and deaf. "Please don't leave me," she pleads, face tucked into his shoulder but the Keres have already taken him to Hades.

A dark voice begins whispering in her ear, pinning his death on her. You should have stayed in Athens it says. You killed him. You killed both of them. She pulls at her hair and screams –the cry so shrill and filled with despair that the gods could not have ignored it.

Night has fallen by the time Irene sits up –her brother's blood is dried on her hands and clothes, his body cold and pallid. She looks at the short blade, wraps her hand around the hilt and pulls it free. With shaking knees, she rises and follows the sound of flowing water. She has no libations save for Charon's obol. Sunlight breaks through the trees as she lays the last stone over Zephyr's body.

The princess falls to her knees next to the cairn and lays an olive branch on the pile of smooth rock. She holds the dagger that took her brother's life and swears to she will rid the world of injustice with or without the blessing of the gods.

#Alexios #Alexios x OC #Alexios Imagine #Alexios Fanfiction #Assassin's Creed Imagine #Assassin's Creed Fanfiction #Assassin's Creed Odyssey #story: Phobia #my writing

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itistimetodisappear · 5 years

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So I had a lot of problems with the new How To Train Your Dragon film, The Hidden World, even though it was a good film. If you don’t want me to affect your opinion, especially if you have not seen the movie yet, then do not read this. You can see what I liked about it here. Also, this is a HOT TAKE, straight outta the cinema, so don’t judge if I miss something.

Alright buckle in buckaroos, i’m gonna split this into four topics:

Romance

Toothless and the Lightfury’s romance didn’t work for me, like, at all. And what’s worse is that everyone’s decisions in the movie relied on this romance working.

Toothless loves Hiccup because they’ve been through so much together, they really know each other. It’s a super strong bond. So when Toothless runs away with the Lightfury (a dragon that he’s only know for like two minutes), it’s not because he truly loves her - they haven’t had time to form a real bond. So that narrows Toothless’ motivations down. I think it’s lust but also, an intense curiosity about romance and his own kind. Its a passionate, but naive kind of love, like Romeo and Juliette, or Ariel and Prince Eric from the Little Mermaid (I could draw a lot of little mermaid parallels but i’ll save you from that). Toothless is just fascinated by the idea of being in love rather than actually getting to know each other.

This is why it makes no bloody sense when toothless leaves to live with the Lightfury over his literal best friend in the world.. but this ending doesn’t work on two other levels which I will mention in the next section.

Theming

I personally picked up three main themes from this movie.

Nature and mankind cannot co-exist (*unless mankind is at peace which is a really abstract condition). I don’t know why this is here. This separating view of conservation is a bad one, in my opinion, and i’m sure anyone in conservation biology will agree with me. Yeah Dean’s right, we don’t deserve nature. We are pretty bad. But distancing ourselves from nature is not a viable solution. We need co-operation, education and integration. It’s much more important than just feeling guilty about how we’ve treated animals. There has always been a strong environmentalist message about living alongside nature in the httyd films but it’s just been dropped here in service of the plot.

Members of a relationship should not be completely dependent on one another. Make sure you know who you are outside of your relationship. Remember to love yourself too. No qualms with this one, good message Dean!

If you love me let me GOOOOOO (as in, if you truly love someone, you put their happiness/safety above your own). Good message in theory and I understand why hiccup would want to protect toothless from the evils of man. However, It’s framed more like: Hiccup has to ‘let go’ of toothless so that he can be with his lady love. ugghh. I hope people know that in real life, you don’t have to give up your best friends when you fall in love. uuggghhh. Romance can exist with platonic love, they’re both equally strong. uuuuuuugghhhhhhhh. Yeah not feeling this one.

Theme 3, combined with Theme 1 and the failed romance, makes the ending of THW just not work for me. not at all.

Characters

There was one, maybe two character arcs in this movie. Hiccup learnt to believe in himself and learnt to let go. The lightfury learnt to trust in others, and that not all humans are bad. Toothless had a motivation. He wanted to find a mate but, it’s not an arc. He wanted a thing, then he got it. There was no learning moment.

This part gets a little savage and I apologies for any hurt feelings,

Almost everyone else was one note and one dimensional. Tuff was a joke, Fishlegs was a joke, Ruff was a plot device/joke, Snotlout was a weird yo momma joke, Eret just literally only used for exposition. You’re allowed to make funny characters but these’s aren’t human beings, they’re just jokes. It’s so sad because I do love these characters.

Don’t even get me started on Astrid and Valka. They were honestly just there to be emotional support for Hiccup. Both characters deserved an arc, but instead, I learnt nothing new about either of them. Astrid’s decision to not get married was only important when it effected Hiccup. Not to mention, Hiccup and Valka have such a complex relationship. I would have LOVED to have seen that explored. Wasted opportunity imo.

The Lightfury :/

Why is she filmed so seductively in her introductory scene? Why is she white, sparkly and soft looking? Why does she have such high-pitched vocalisations? Why does she act all feminine when dragons wouldn’t have that human social construct? why iS SHE LIKE THIS?? WHY ARE YOU RUNNING DEAN? COME BACK HERE AND TELL M

So there are things to like about this movie and if i haven’t mentioned them here it’s probably because I love them. However, I feel like dean was adamant on having the ‘there once were dragons’ ending and the movie suffered for it. I can’t tell you how to feel about this movie, i’m no professional movie critic. If all this stuff worked for you then god i wish that were me but also you should keep on loving it.

#httyd #httyd3 #how to train your dragon: the hidden world #how to train your dragon #THW #Don't even @ me about dimorphism

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