#while I am happy for both of them… idk I have difficult feelings about her now and don’t see her as a friend anymore | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

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#while I am happy for both of them… idk I have difficult feelings about her now and don’t see her as a friend anymore

lyriumcoloredskies · 5 months

Text

Shaken Up Hearts

Pairing: Sanji x Reader, Zoro x Reader, Zoro x Sanji, Zoro x Reader x Sanji WC: 10k Summary: Sanji's brain short-circuits. What? Did he hear that correctly? You both wanted him? “Don’t over think this.” Zoro murmurs into his ear, hot breath fanning over the sensitive skin. CW: 18+ MDNI, alcohol consumption, misunderstanding, idiots in love, porn with way too many feelings, angst, jealousy, pining, PIV, anal sex, oral, threesome, guy on guy, girl on guy, bisexual sanji, bisexual zoro, reader is described as AFAB, polyamory, happy ending AN: *taps cigarette on the ashtray* look idk what to say, this was supposed to be a 5k word mindless smut but it turned into this because I am incapable of writing smut without feels it seems.

Faithfulness and resoluteness.

You and Zoro.

The two of you are held in high regard as the oldest crew members, with you joining only a few days after Zoro. Dependable and resilient, should any troubles find them on the seas, the crew knew they could always rely on you two. The sentiment is shared between you and Zoro. Time and time again, Zoro proved himself worthy of the mantle of first mate, making agonizing decisions for the betterment of the crew when even Luffy couldn’t. He was a surprising voice of pragmatism in the hardest of times, something you appreciated him for.

Zoro’s opinion of you ran deep as well. Steadfast, you were a beacon in the darkest times, an outstretched hand always offered to any nakama in need. Without hesitation, you always had the right words to breathe new life into the resolves of those around you.

It’s a deep respect that’s built off watching each other defeat every obstacle to persevere despite the difficult nature of having such large dreams in a vast ocean that only knows to crush the people that enter its waters. It’s something primal as you watch in titillation as Zoro dominates his adversaries with his iron will, something Zoro reciprocates with a voracious gleam in his eyes any time he fought alongside you.

That respect for each other would sometimes turn into something mischievous. Two tigers testing the limits of each other’s boundaries, teeth bared at the anticipation of gaining ground. Friendly competition the two of you called it – the crew called it anything but. The two of you were people who, once you set your mind to something, would chase the ends of the world for it. This included winning childish competitions. It was impossible to break the two of you apart when you decided to sink your teethes into each other like snarling pups. The point was proven early into your journey, during the banquet at Vivi’s castle, an incident that would aptly be named the Drinking Contest Incident of Alabasta, where the two of you were goaded by Usopp into seeing how many barrels of alcohol each of you could consume.

'Surely they won’t go too far' Usopp thought.

He was proven wrong when both you and Zoro neared the bottom of the second barrels, only taking a break to puke in the Royal Alabastan Gardens before going back to drinking – health be damned. The night ended in you and Zoro out cold, laid out on your sides as to not choke on your own vomit while Chopper flittered about, panicking that the two morons might actually die in his care. After seeing Chopper’s visage overcome hysterics, face streaked with tears and snot, Nami beat the both of you over the head the next day. She sternly put her foot down on any future y/n and Zoro competitions. The rest of the crew dutifully agreed that you and Zoro were not to be trusted. It only took two more incidents for you and Zoro to admit they were right. It was purely out of self-preservation, lest the two of you not even survive to see your dreams fulfilled. Occasionally the competitiveness would rear up, but time had tempered the two of you. The both of you found less and less things worth fighting over, no longer did you fight over bottles of wine and sake, instead choosing to share.

Life was funny in that way.

****

You were on your 5th bottle of wine and Zoro on his 7th, not that you were counting.

Of course not.

The warm embrace of alcohol has long since settled in your flesh, the balmy air adding to the flush of your cheeks. You found yourself swaying to the beat of the Shandorian drums, beat thrumming in your veins. Drunken eyes watched as your crewmates and the Skypeians dance around the bonfire, care thrown to the wind. You glaze over the figure of Usopp surrounded by a group of children, no doubt enthralling them with a legendary tale of Captain Usopp, commander of 8000 troops.

A mixture of the wine and altitude have you searching for a place to sit, wanting to not fall on your ass in spectacular fashion. Your head swivels about, you see Robin in deep discussion with Gan Fall and rule that out. Another turn a few degrees to the left and you spy Zoro sitting alone. Fueled by bad ideas and Skypeian wine, you grab another bottle before settling on the log next to Zoro, leaving a comfortable distance in between. The rich tannins of the wine dance delightfully on your tongue, and you decide to take another pull before you offer the bottle to Zoro. He accepts, your fingers minutely brushing against each other at the pass. He takes a moment to read the label before taking a swig, throwing his head back, the prominent veins of his neck highlighted by the firelight. Traitorous eyes linger for too long at the bob of his adams apple. The two of you sit in comfortable silence, passing the bottle back and forth, watching the silly antics of your crew as they celebrate this hard earned win.

Zoro is the first to break the lazy pattern of back and forth with the wine. Your outstretched arm aches as you hold the bottle out for a mite too long. The confused look you offer him goes unanswered as well, the swordsman a million miles away. Your eyes follow his gaze and you can’t help the feeling that settles into your stomach with the wine.

It’s Sanji.

He’s staring at Sanji.

Sanji, who is bathed in orange glow from the bonfire, his porcelain skin flushed with pink like an angel dusted it over his cheeks. Emotions well inside of you, flooding into an ugly feeling that you found yourself wadding in. Not wanting to bother with the messiness of it all, you brashly decide to down the rest of the bottle, hoping that the burn of the alcohol would drown everything out. To hell with feeling bad on a night as good as this.

Unfortunately, like a whore on the day that the rent is due, the feelings don’t stop bothering you, nagging constantly in the inner cogs of your mind. Inhibited by the mind meddling nature of wine, your mouth opens and words you don’t recognize tumble out.

“Got a crush?”

Your fishing attempt snags you a gaping, sputtering Zoro. Fuck, now you wish you hadn’t said anything at all. Zoro’s hilarious dumbfounded expression only soothes your heart a tiny bit.

Unrestrained, a loud cackle rips out of you, another cheap cover to hide the hurt radiating through you. It seems to further Zoro’s embarrassment, the man’s cheeks flushing a pretty red. In an attempt to get even, he snatches the bottle from you only to realize it was empty.

“Asshole.”

The only response he gets from you is another cackle. It takes a few moments for you to settle down, letting the silence envelope the two of you again.

“If you like him so much, why don’t you tell him?”

You pick at the skin near your nails, an ugly habit.

“Tch. It’s not that simple.”

You roll your eyes, of course it was simple. Zoro was just an idiot. Irritation lingers like a fog in your mind as the wine fails to numb your pesky feelings. Quickly, you lose yourself, letting various fleeting thoughts pull you in every direction. Zoro doesn’t comment on your sudden silence, keeping you company while you think.

“What if I like him too?”

Two heads turn and eyes lock. Zoro’s eyes are dark and indecipherable to you as the firelight danced on them. Seconds tick by but neither of you drop your gaze.

“Marimo! Y/n-swan! Try these!”

Two pairs of eyes break their battle, swinging over to catch the sight of Sanji walking over, an excited wide grin gracing his delicate features. His signature cigarette firmly between his white teeth and in each hand he holds a skewers of meat and vegetables.

The blond thrusts a skewer to the both of you before sitting between the two of you. You examine the skewer, it’s comprised of some sort of marinated red meat and vegetables that look like mushrooms and leeks. Steam wafts upward and with it the smell of something peppery and tangy.

“The flavors are something I’ve never tried before! I asked them and they say that they use a combination of pink peppercorns and a citrus called the hand of god” Sanji prattles on, his enthusiasm palpable. You and Zoro watch him, engrossed in the boyish wonder on his face. Pairs of eyes meet again in a fragile moment. You have no words for Zoro and he has none for you, yet you know that the two of you understand each other. He studies you intensely before offering you a solid nod, one that you reciprocate. The cook chatters on, inhibitions lowered by the alcohol, oblivious to what was happening only a few inches from him.

****

The next few islands pass by uneventfully, both you and Zoro hesitant to make a move. It ends up an awkward dance around each other and Sanji, a weird tango of frustration whose steps involve having enough nerve to track down the blond but suffering from cold feet when it came to talking with him. It’s only after the events of Water 7 that you decide to muster up the gumption to try. Life was too short for you to shy away from the things you wanted, and you could tell Zoro decided the same.

“Sanji-”

The cook’s ears perk up at the melodic notes of your voice, heart stirring. He turns his attention from the prep work in front of him, meeting your face with a playboy smile.

“Yes, my sweet angel?”

“Do you mind if I watch you cook lunch?” you ask, the innocent tilt of your head making Sanji’s heart palpate. You wanted to watch him cook?

“O-of course my angel!”

You beam and it makes his heart beat rapidly. With gentle footsteps you pad into the kitchen. The two of you fall into a comfortable silence, the sounds of Sanji’s knifework taking over the small space. After a few minutes, his curiosity picks up and he peeks out of his periphery to see you standing a mere few inches from him, leaning close enough to touch his arm. He works on autopilot, hands relying on muscle memory as he prepped the vegetables for lunch. Your hands are clasped behind your back in your usual pose. For anyone else, Sanji would preen like a peacock, ready to show off his honed skills, but under the lens of your inscrutable eye, he feels so exposed. Trying to stave off sudden uncomfortableness of the silence his mouth opens, and he finds himself rambling about cooking techniques. Ever patient, you nod and comment in all the right places.

While Sanji loved every lady on the ship, in the deepest crevices of his heart, he would readily admit that you were his favorite. Your soft smiles of encouragement, the way you entertained his foolish notions, all of it made Sanji’s heart turn into goo in his chest.

Gods, you had managed to carve out your place in his heart so early, the memory often rewinding and replaying in his head. It hadn’t been long since he left Baratie to make his home on Merry Go, back when Luffy still had the habit of picking out the vegetables in all his dishes. You chided the boyish captain on his behalf. The first bits of kindness he received from someone who wasn’t Zeff or the Baratie cooks.

“Luffy, Sanji worked hard to cook us this food. Don’t disrespect his efforts by being picky.”

After dinner that you offered him an earnest smile, putting a reassuring hand on his shoulder.

“In case anyone hasn’t told you yet, you’re doing a wonderful job Sanji. Dinner was lovely.”

It made him feel like the same little boy stuck in the North Blue watching his mother eat his food for the first time. The grip you had on him had only tightened since then.

“You know Sanji, every time you cook, I find myself understanding you a bit more.”

Hands plating an intricate dish pause.

“A-ah why do you say that y/n-swan?”

Sanji’s heart seizes as you take one of his hands into yours, fingertips running over callouses and burn scars. An action so tender that for just a moment, Sanji could fool himself into thinking it was the touch of a lover. Your heated gaze focuses on his hands with a look of fondness, it causes him to reel, mind spinning with possibilities of what this could all mean. Did you want this just as much as he did? Did you spend your nights staring at the ceiling and thinking of him like he did with you?

“I understand why you don’t want to fight with your hands. When you cook it’s like a symphony, every movement you take, every dish you make, it’s all meant to nourish and heal. You’re built to love Sanji, not destroy.”

The lump in his throat grows until it’s too painful for him to swallow, edges of his vision blur with tears, threatening to fall. Was he so transparent that you could read him so well? A few words and you had flayed open his very existence, his heart and soul. The words you say mean more than you’ll ever know. His ocean eyes search yours hoping to find an answer to his lingering questions.

BANG

He jumps, the two of you breaking apart at the loud noise, any tension in the room dissipating.

“OIII SANJIII!! LUUUUNCH!!!”

Luffy catapult himself at Sanji, wrapping his limbs around him like an unruly octopus, much to the ire of the chef. Sanji tries to wrestle himself out of Luffy’s grasp, angrily yelling at him.

The loud noise startles you, your heart pounding a mile a minute in your chest. You marinate in the sudden surge of adrenaline for too long before you feel a hand on your wrist. Eyes trace it back to its owner – Zoro. He assesses you for a few seconds.

“You alright?”

Thud. Thud. Thud. Your pulse pounds in every inch of you and your lungs greedily swallow air and hold it in an attempt to calm down. Your thoughts race and you feel the distinct feeling of regret. Regret that you didn’t make a bolder move.

A wobbly smile is the answer Zoro gets, one that makes him frown ever so slightly. The sight makes him rub circles on your wrist with his thumb. The contact soothes you and you’re grateful that you had the swordsman as such an understanding friend. You settle a free hand on his, offering him a brighter smile, hoping to lessen his worries.

“I am.”

The two of you unaware of the pair of eyes that witnessed the scene.

****

Sanji stares from the railing of the Thousand Sunny, the light of the setting sun casts an ethereal rosy light over the glimmering ocean. Pinks, reds, and blues mashing into a myriad of colors that all swirl like glittering gems.

From the upper deck, it isn’t the sun or the ocean that Zoro admires. It’s the glow of the sun on Sanji’s face. His eyes trace the elegant slope of his nose, drinking up the way the sun dyes his fair hair into a strawberry blond. His mouth goes dry, his palms becoming sweatier by the minute. Plucking up some courage, Zoro crosses the distance of the Sunny, stopping next to the object of his desires.

“The sunset is beautiful isn’t it.”

Zoro wants to cut out his tongue. What a lame comment. Sanji deserved better. Someone who could weave him a beautiful tapestry of words, words which don’t even exist in Zoro. After all he is a man of action and not platitudes.

Sanji hums out in agreement, never moving his eyes from the beauty of the scene in front of them.

They don’t talk much, but there’s an easiness to the quiet between them as they watch the sun inch closer into the horizon. The Sunny lurches at a particularly big wave and Sanji is caught off guard, wobbling a little. He’s steadied by a hand on the small of his back.

“Ah, thanks Marimo.”

“No problem, Sanji.”

His name on the swordsman’s lips gives him pause. Zoro almost never calls him by his name. Then he becomes acutely aware that Zoro hasn’t moved his hand, his palm is large and warm on Sanji’s clothed back. The contact is like lightning in his spine and for reasons unknown his heart stutters. He mildly wonders if he should say something, unsure of what the contact means for the two of them.

Deciding his brain feels too stuffed with cotton, Sanji fishes out his lighter and cigarette from his suit jacket pocket, hoping for some clarity in the nicotine. Stupidly, he holds the pack out for Zoro offering him a cigarette, despite knowing the swordsman doesn’t smoke. Before he can rescind the gesture, Zoro’s free hand takes a cigarette from him. Their eyes meet and he finds Zoro’s are unreadable as always. The other man brings the cigarette closer to his face, rolling it in his fingers as he examines the tobacco stick. A laugh huffs out of Sanji’s mouth as he lights his cigarette. He inhales precious smoke, and in the haze of his exhale, his eyes linger a little too long at the sight of the cigarette loosely held in between Zoro’s chapped lips.

“Here let me light it for you.”

Sanji holds the lit lighter out, only for the wind to snuff it. He tries again, flicking the flint a few more times. Each time the wind picks up, extinguishing the flame. A scowl overcomes Sanji’s face.

“Here, we can just-”

Sanji looks up from the lighter at the sound of Zoro’s voice. The other man pulls his hand from Sanji’s lower back and Sanji becomes conscious of the fact that the action leaves him sad at the loss of contact. That’s when he feels the green haired man’s large palm on the back of his neck, searing into his skin as he steadies him. Zoro leans in closer bringing his cigarette to the tip of Sanji’s.

A cigarette kiss.

Sanji’s brain is a mess. ‘It’s just the damn Marimo’ he tries to reason with himself, but he feels heat lick at the apples of his cheeks.

He’s blushing. At Zoro.

The man’s actions have flustered him to his core, tongue too heavy to form words. His eyes soak in the sight of Zoro slowly sucking in – ‘holy shit, holy shit, holy shit, what the fuck?!’ his mind screams at him.

The man offers Sanji no reprieve, continuing his hold on Sanji as he made sure the of his cigarette is lit before breaking apart. Sanji’s world is tilted on its axis, heart pounding so furiously he feels it in his fingertips. He half expects it to burst through his sternum.

Zoro gives an experimental breath before hacking out a loud cough, sound reminiscent of a dying walrus. The scene is so jarring, how the man could go from turning Sanji’s brain into mush to coughing out a lung. It makes him laugh so hard he’s clutching his stomach, abs cramping as he tries to greedily swallow in more air.

It was so Zoro.

Through the tears of laughter, Sanji can see pink dusting Zoro’s face, clearly embarrassed by his lack of experience.

“Take slow inhales, mix it in with some fresh air, it gets easier after a while.”

Sanji’s smile is so wide it hurts his cheeks. He watches Zoro attempt again, the man’s body tensing in an effort to not cough out all the smoke.

“This is horrible Sanji. I don’t know how you do this every day.”

All Sanji can offer the man is a chuckle. He takes in the sight of the swordsman, bathed in the dying light of the sunset, shadows accentuating the strong lines of his face. He’s about to respond when he hears Nami’s voice calling for him.

“Sanji, the bathroom is free if you want to shower!”

He turns, giving her his undivided attention.

“Thank you Nami-chwan! You look especially beautiful after your bath!”

When Sanji turns back, Zoro is no longer facing him instead looking out into the ocean where the last glimmers of the sun fade into the horizon.

“Go ahead and take your bath, cook.”

Sanji manages a nod, feeling odd at the sudden change in attitude. Things had felt so great between them, so what happened? His feet feel heavy as he walks towards the bathroom. Halfway, he doesn’t know why but he spins on his heel, wanting to confront the man.

He wishes he didn’t.

He sees you with Zoro, again.

The two of you huddled close, your hand caressing the swordsman’s cheek. The both of you bathed in the beginnings of moonlight. Sanji’s heart clenches painfully.

It was just like before – Vinsmoke Sanji always comes in last.

****

Things progress at a snail’s pace. Both you and Zoro are seemingly thwarted at every turn whether it be Sanji rejecting your advances or being interrupted in the most inopportune times. A silver lining for Zoro comes in the form of you. Despite being his rival in love, you’re there to pick up the pieces of him, little pep talks flowing from your lips. He hopes that he’s done the same for you. The best of his efforts goes into repairing the shaky smiles on your face, splitting bottles of wine with you as the two of you gripe about love. It’s an odd routine, but one that Zoro finds himself not minding. There is comfort and familiarity in your company.

That was until the crew step foot on Sabaody Archipelago. Everything came to a grinding halt at Sabaody. It was an utter disaster. Not even a foot into the New World and the Grand Line had chewed the crew up and spat them back out.

Panic sets Zoro’s bones the minute he wakes up. Thoughts of his nakama rushing through his brain at breakneck speed. Were you all safe? Did you guys make it off Sabaody? Zoro keenly feels the loss of his crew, guilt seeping into every crack in his heart. If only he had been stronger - strong enough to defeat Bartholomew Kuma on Thriller Bark, strong enough to carry everyone’s dreams on his back.

He spends two days lost in the maze of a castle that weird Ghost Girl brought him to, trying desperately to find his swords. He squashes down the invasive thoughts attempting to claw its way into his mind – were you all even still alive? It doesn’t help that the girl, Perona he finds out is her name, keeps giving him directions that seem to get him lost even further. Frustration bubbles under his skin. He is wholly useless, a feeling that is reaffirmed when he is defeated by the humandrills, his only hope of reaching his friends dashed by his own inadequacy.

When he feels like things couldn’t get worse, he hears about Ace. Zoro wants to scream, to dig his fingers into his chest and rip out his own beating heart. Frustration, fury, despair – it all whirls inside of him for Luffy. How could things have gone so wrong?

Zoro tries hard not to wallow in his sadness. He beats down his pride and grovels to Mihawk, begging the man he wants to defeat one day to teach him, to make him into a man worthy of being called Luffy’s nakama.

Time flows, and slowly but surely, Zoro adapts to his life on the deserted island. Mihawk is a fair teacher and his brutal teaching methods have Zoro progressing faster than even he could admit. Although the lack of alcohol grates on his nerves. Though he would never admit it out loud, Perona isn’t too bad either when she isn’t annoying him.

He spends his days training, eating, and sleeping, a routine that isn’t unfamiliar to him, but his mind remains plagued by the brewing thoughts of you and Sanji.

His mind goes in cycles, starting with hopes that you two are alright. Surely you’re safe, Zoro’s mind doesn’t want to can’t think of the alternative. He wonders if Sanji has found himself on an island with enough food, cold fear nestled in his heart at the idea of the cook going without. He hopes you have extra blankets at night, his mind supplying him images of your shivering body on Drum Island, lips tinged blue.

The months gruel onward and late at night, when the world is silent and his body aches from the brutal beatings from Mihawk, Zoro imagines your soft touches, a comforting hand on his shoulder when things went wrong. He dreams of the bottle of sake he desperately wants to split between you two, talking about any and everything. He wants to see your smile.

On days where the sun blisters in the sky and Mihawk forces him to help with the farming, Zoro wonders if Sanji would be impressed. Would he give Zoro that smug grin of his, telling him to till the farm with appreciation for the food it grew? Would he be brave enough to commandeer Mihawk’s kitchen, lecturing to Zoro the entire time he cooks about how he needs to eat the right macronutrients to gain muscle. Zoro luxuriates in what-if’s and could-be’s, day in and day out.

He spends the hours of sundown to sunrise, staring at the cold grey stone ceiling of the castle pondering in a mire of his own doing. He wanted both of you but was desperate to hold onto what you and him had together, while craving every potential what-if with Sanji.

He stews in his feelings for months, unable to take himself out of his own head.

On a day where Mihawk is away on business, Zoro finds himself in the dining room, sun barely rising into the sky. Perona was nice enough to fix breakfast for the two of them but it only puts Zoro in a worse mood. His body is gripped in nostalgia, heart aching to wake up to the sound of Luffy and Chopper’s chatter in the morning, to pass by a sleep drunk Usopp and Franky grumbling out good mornings, and to make his way to the kitchen and have a plate be handed to him by the star of half his dreams. Increasingly lost in his own thoughts, he’s oblivious to Perona’s pouting.

“Ugh! You’re such a jerk!”

Perona waits a few seconds, giving the mosshead time to come to his senses and apologize but minutes tick by and she finds herself empty handed. In childish anger, her hands slam on the table.

“What the hell? Aren’t you going to thank me for breakfast??”

She is only given a wave, the gesture vaguely dismissal.

“Okay you idiot, what is it? What could possibly be so important that you forget to thank the person who saved your life?”

The question gives Zoro pause. He deliberates in his head a bit, uneasiness mashing in the pit of his stomach. To let someone know about his problems felt too vulnerable, but against his will the words of his dilemma spill out of him like an ugly fountain with fat babies on it, like the ones he saw plastered all over Water 7.

Perona regards him for a few minutes before rolling her eyes.

“You’re not very smart, are you?”

“The fuck?”

“You’re a pirate idiot. Being a pirate means you take what you want, you don’t need to share. So have both, duh. Who says you can’t have a boyfriend and a girlfriend?”

Whiplash. His brain rattles in his skull at Perona’s words. How ridiculous. This is what he gets for telling her his problems. He opens his mouth to tell her off but then the words sink into him.

Both? He could have both?

They were both strong enough to protect themselves, their bounties reflecting their skill, determined enough to pursue their own goals. They, more than anyone on the ship, knew the stakes of his dreams, not once had they ever discouraged him. Plus, the thought of the two of them tangled in a mess of naked limbs beckoning Zoro to join was a particularly tasty thought.

Perona shoots him a smug smile.

“You’re welcome~”

****

Nerves rattle through your body as you disembark from the small sailboat, steered by the kind martial arts master that found you two years ago. The elderly woman pats your hand in reassurance.

“Don’t worry dearie, I’m sure your boys are waiting for you. Now you make sure you stay safe and don’t forget to always pack a scarf.”

You give her a bright smile.

“Thank you so much, for everything. I’ve learned so much! Please make sure you tell everyone I got here alright.”

The woman matches your smile before waving you off. Excited feet don’t hesitate to quickly wander down Sabaody, taking you down semi familiar paths. You count the grove numbers in your head, excitement gripping your stomach as you finally arrive.

Grove 13.

The sight of the wooden sign of Shakky’s Rip-Off Bar shoots fresh nerves into your veins, anticipation ripe in your head. You take a deep breath, steeling your nerves before you push open the door to the bar.

Your eyes skim over the empty chairs and booths, finally settling on a green clad figure at the bar. Time slows and your heart threatens to burst out of your sternum, you can feel your pulse in your ear, not even hearing his name tumble out of your lips. The sight of him makes tears sting the corners of your eyes.

Zoro.

His signature three swords are still affixed to his side, hilts glinting in the low light of the establishment. A head turn makes the three golden strands of his earrings collide into each other. He stands tall and proud, two years of effort reflected in his new silhouette. You run to him, finding half of everything you had missed in the last two years in his hug. Tears run down your cheeks, absorbed by the green of his outfit, staining the fabric dark. You can’t bring yourself to care.

He still smells like steel and sea salt.

He presses a kiss to your hair, his large hands rubbing circles on your back as he pulls you closer to his chest. After seconds that feel too short, you part from him. You soak in the sight of his familiar features. Your eyes trace over the new scar over his eye, the strong line of his jaw, the slight bump in his nose. Hands wander up his biceps and you can’t help but ghost your fingertips over the newly acquired scars present on exposed skin. Fingers smooth over every part of him, his wide chest, his corded arms, all of it – desperate to memorize him after these years apart.

Lost in the moment, you miss the way Rayleigh and Shakky sharing a knowing smile.

Fingers interlaced, you let Zoro lead you to his room at a small bed and breakfast in Grove 17. You aren’t even mad when he gets lost twice, taking you down a winding path to Grove 7 instead. You missed this, the idiosyncrasies that come with living with someone, spending every waking hour together.

Once in the room you let your small bucket bag tumble to the floor. You wait patiently until Zoro has a chance to take off his katanas before you throw yourself into his arms again, the two of you tumbling into the small bed. His entire presence offers you a familiar comfort. He felt like home. You can tell he feels the same, the way he holds you tightly, as if you would disappear from his arms at any moment. He buries his nose into your hair and his chest moves from under you as he inhales. The two of you stay like that for several minutes, the silence finally being broken by Zoro.

“Y/n, I don’t want to be without you.”

Shivers shoot down your spine.

“What about Sanji?”

“Him too. We’re pirates y/n, we take what we want.”

You bury your face deeper into his muscular chest, heart fluttering in your own chest.

“Good, I don’t know what I’d do without my two boy toys.”, your words come out muffled and you can feel the vibrations as Zoro chuckles.

Lifting your head, you give him a lascivious grin. His eyes are as intense as ever, but you find that this time around you can pin down the emotions within because they’re the same as yours.

Your lips meet his in a kiss that he doesn’t hesitate to accept. His lips are warm and chapped, a combination you quickly find yourself addicted to. Your arms move on their own, snaking around his neck as his wrap around your waist, bringing you in closer to him. The both of you move feverishly, desperate to make sure this moment didn’t evaporate into the ether. His kiss is hungry, ferocity over taking you before he seems to rein it back in. He coaxes out a whimper from you as his hands wander to your bottom before pulling your hips in close to his, letting you straddle his waist. You let out a gasp as you feel his hardness grinding on the sensitive flesh of your inner thigh. Utilizing the last braincell that isn’t drenched in hormones, you place a placating hand on his chest.

“Patience. Not without Sanji.”

To your surprise he is in agreeance with you, but he gives you a devilish grin all the same.

“Doesn’t mean I don’t get to kiss what’s mine.”

Laughter peels out of you, as Zoro smashes his lips into the crook of your neck, biting and sucking the sensitive flesh in a manner that was both ticklish and sensual.

“You’re right, it doesn’t.”

****

Sanji doesn’t know what to think. Reality was, he saw this was coming, the signs glaring at him two years ago.

You and Zoro were together.

The whole crew seemed to know it too.

“Yohohoho! They’re quite a handsome couple, don’t you agree Miss. Robin?”

“They do complement each other quite well.”

Everyone has seen the two of you look at each other, shooting puppy eyes at the dinner table, and of course Sanji is distinctly aware of the way Zoro takes your small hands into his, a rogue thumb tracing idle circles into your smooth skin. It’s all too intimate for two people who are “just crewmates”.

Sanji’s heart is broken, shattered into a million tiny pieces and he doesn’t know where to begin to put it all back together. He was an utter fool for having clung onto hope for two years, spending his days daydreaming about how the pieces would all fall into place, the two of you accepting his confessions of undying love.

Stupid, stupid Sanji.

The voices of his past mock him. How could anyone love stupid Sanji. How silly of you to even dream. Nestled in the sicker part of his brain, he wonders who he’s more jealous of – you or Zoro.

It should be him, his jealousy addled self whispers to him in the dead of night but Sanji knows it’s his fault for even daring to dream. The two of you were better off together. So, every day, he wakes up, chokes down the feelings that threaten to well up inside of him, and continue as if nothing was wrong.

He had been doing it well enough for the last twenty odd years, what’s the harm in a few more?

****

It doesn’t take long for an opportunity to present itself to you and Zoro.

The Sunny docks on a small island to restock on basic supplies and through divine intervention the stars align. Zoro catches the last vestiges of Sanji’s conversation with Nami, picking up the tidbit that he would come back to the ship immediately after he procured fresh meat and produce. Taking his chance, he offers himself and you up for guard duty, a move that garners no protest or suspicion.

After the crew clears out, the anxiety builds in your chest, your head spins and your palms feel clammy as the minutes pass by. Zoro doesn’t say it, but you could tell he felt the same, his rough fingers constantly flitting over the hilt of his katanas. You and Zoro split a bottle of sake for liquid courage, downing it like teenagers instead of passing it along at your usual leisurely pace. The sake helps a bit, dulling down the feelings.

The two of you are on the upper deck when you hear the click of expensive dress shoes on wood. Peeking, you spy Sanji’s golden hair as he reboards the ship. You signal Zoro with a nod of your head. The two of you break, Zoro to the kitchen to fetch Sanji and you to the women’s dormitory. Long strides quickly lead you to where you need to be, settling down on the blue comforter of your bed.

In the midst of fiddling with a loose thread on one of your sheets, you hear the door open. Nerves tingle through your body as you see Sanji’s figure enter.

“A-ah y/n-swan! Marimo said you needed help with something?”

He takes a few strides, standing at the foot of the bed you were sitting on. The door clicks as Zoro shuts it behind him. Sanji sucks in a breath, suddenly feeling trapped in this confined space, anxiety pooling in his stomach.

“O-oh! Well Sanji you see… Um, w-well we..”

You bite your lips, fingers picking at the skin near your nails, something Sanji picks up on. He can’t help the prickling of curiosity in the back of his brain. What got you, the very definition of calm and collected, so nervous?

“We want you, Sanji.”

It’s Zoro this time, the timber of his voice nearly reverberating in his bones as he becomes aware of how close the man stands behind him. You nod in agreeance.

Sanji’s brain short-circuits.

What?

Did he hear that right? You both wanted him?

Sanji searches your face for any inkling of deception but your cheeks are flush and you avoid his eyes out of nervousness.

“Don’t over think this.” Zoro murmurs into his ear, hot breath fanning over the sensitive skin. The other man’s large hands come from behind him and roam on his chest, going over the silky fabric of his suit. The action pulls him in closer to Zoro, sending shivers up his spine. It doesn’t take long for Sanji to make up his mind.

So be it.

He’ll take whatever scraps you have to offer him. Maybe if he gets a taste, it’ll be out of his system, and he’ll be free to pursue all the beautiful men and women he encounters in his travels. Maybe if he closes his eyes, he can imagine that this is something more than just sex.

He continues to feed himself the shallow lies.

“Yeah, let’s do it.”

At his affirmation, Sanji feels hand on his head, turning him into a hungry kiss. Chapped lips meet his and Sanji can faintly taste the sweetness of sake on Zoro’s breath. It’s everything Sanji has dreamed of. In the midst of their kiss, Sanji feels your hands undoing his tie, and unbuttoning his jacket and dress shirt. An impatient tongue spears into his mouth, coaxing his own tongue into a dance, drawing a moan from the blond man. A hot tongue presses into his neck and he can’t help the gasp that rises to his lips. In contrast to Zoro, your lips are soft and silky. You stamp fire into his skin with every kiss, setting his body into flames.

Breathless, he breaks the kiss with Zoro only to have you pull him into another one, gentler but no less voracious.

He’s aware of Zoro helping him shed his shirt and jacket, but his head feels stuffed with cotton, not quite to registering any of it. A soft tongue mingles with Sanji’s and delicate hands caress the bare skin of his chest, each movement leaving gooseflesh in its wake. The light flicks to his nipples have him groaning into your mouth. The kiss breaks with a soft sigh from you, and Zoro surges forward to capture you a playful kiss, sandwiching Sanji between the two of you. The friction of the two bodies, one soft and one sturdy, melts his mind, his pants feeling tighter by the moment.

A larger rougher set of hands replace the soft ones on his chest as you kneel in front of Sanji, making quick work of his belt. You lavish his abs with floaty kisses and occasional playful nibbles, following down the trail of soft downy hair until you reach his boxers. You make quick work of that too, freeing his erection.

You nearly drool of the sight Sanji’s cock slapping against his belly, marking a spot on his belly with shiny precum. His cock is picturesque, like the men of the dirty magazines you used to buy as a teenager, a few shades darker than his porcelain skin leading into a dusky pink tip oozing slick. You give an experimental lick up the shaft before engulfing the tip in your mouth, making circles over it with your tongue. Sanji throws his head back, gracing you with a breathy pretty groan.

The salty taste of his precum ignites a fire deep in you, a need to taste more overcomes every sense. Driven by your baser instincts, you press down further, taking as much as you could until you feel him hit the back of your throat, eyes welling with tears as you try to stave off your gag reflex. His delicate fingers tangle into your hair, hands resting on your head. Pressed so close to Sanji his pubic hair tickles your lips and you can smell the clean rich sandalwood of his soap. You set a slow pace, looking up through dark lashes to observe Sanji’s expressions as he loses himself in the feeling of your mouth. Each circle of your tongue over the tip has him whimpering, his cheeks and chest flushed pink.

Not to be left out, Zoro joins you, kneeling in front of the blond man. You release his cock with a pop and stroke it lightly.

“Want a taste?”

Zoro gives a devilish smirk, coming in closer. He gives the tip kitten licks before slowly taking more of the length in his mouth.

“Tastes good doesn’t it?”

A muffled response has you grinning. You take a few moments take your own clothes off, only stopping to appreciate the sight of Zoro pouring his attention to Sanji’s cock. The contrast of the two men bubbles excitement in you, a longing finally quenched. Zoro is all muscle, posture and stance reflecting power and brutality, but Sanji’s is refined elegance, fluid even while motionless, muscles seemingly sculpted by a maestro.

Kneeling back down, you throw yourself into the fray of saliva and skin, taking one of Sanji’s balls into your mouth, earning a loud groan from the man. The two males’ intermingling musk cloying in your head, fogging up any thought you could muster. Sanji’s hips buck and Zoro gags, pulling another moan from the blond. You slowly suckle, running circles on the surface of his ball sack with your tongue before releasing it to lick up the shaft. Zoro meets you in a messy kiss with Sanji’s cock in the middle of two pairs of lips. Your tongues dance over the veiny surface of Sanji’s dick, occasionally skimming each other.

Sanji wants to throw his head back, to lose himself in the sensation of two mouths lavishing him with attention but he’s caught up in the sight of you and Zoro, your tongues fighting on his cock, hoping to find more skin to lick and suck at. The two of you work in synch, soon moving upward to suckle at the reddened tip of his cock.

“S-stop or I’ll cum” Sanji whines out, making you and Zoro share a laugh, shifting away from his sensitive cock to find each other in a kiss.

Feeling emboldened by the sexually charged energy, you saunter over to the bed, sitting and spreading your legs wide open. Sanji practically drools at the sight, stumbling over the clothes on the floor to get in closer.

Sanji slots himself between your legs, moving closer to kiss you. His lips are soft, and the hints of lingering tobacco pull you in for more. Sanji’s tender affection is a deluge you drown in, heart full you reciprocate keenly. He peppers kisses down your jawline before interspersing tender open mouth kisses on your neck. A hot tongue trails down further before capturing a nipple between his teeth. His actions are delicate, but they draw whimpers out of you, heat pooling between your thighs at the teasing. Sanji’s strong hands cup your breasts, massaging softly as his tongue runs circles around your hard nipples, dousing them in messy suckles.

He offers the same treatment to your other breast before trailing more kisses down until his head is settled between your thighs. You can feel his hot breath, a gossamer on your sensitive skin. The flat of his tongue licks a stripe through your folds and your back arches at the contact.

“Fuck angel, you’re so wet” he murmurs before diving back in, tongue working through your folds before encircling your clit.

“Mm fuck Sanji”, moans pour out of you endlessly, your hands tangling themselves in the golden silk of his hair.

His strong hands hold your hips steady as he begins to suckle at your clit, giving occasional kitten licks, as anticipated, the action has you bucking your hips, thighs tightening around his head as he tightens the coil in your loins, nerves dancing on fire.

Zoro’s calloused hands run over Sanji’s torso, earning a shiver from the man. His fingertips take time to appreciate the valley of muscles before moving to his hips, propping them up into position. Sanji is a mess of gooseflesh as rough fingers part his cheeks, exposing him to the other man. A hot tongue presses on his hole and Sanji lets out a gasp that’s muffled in your skin. The sensation is foreign as the tongue wriggles against his tight hole, but pleasure quickly finds him. Zoro’s tongue circles around his puckered hole, massaging and working the muscle, each move deliberate in driving Sanji further into a chasm of pleasure until he’s relaxed. Zoro intersperses it with licks from the flat of his tongue, the contrast drawing out whimpering moans from the blond. When he pulls away, Sanji whines.

“Get these wet for me.”

Sanji complies, taking his head out from your cunt to take Zoro’s digits in his mouth, tongue running over each individual one. Zoro grins at the sight of Sanji desperately sucking on his fingers while his goatee shines with your slick.

A whine from you has Zoro withdrawing his fingers from the other man’s hot mouth, allowing him to return to your needy hole.

Sanji returns to lavishing your clit with licks, before plunging a tongue deep in you hoping to taste more of your essence. Pressure against his puckered hole pauses him in the middle of his pussy eating. Your thighs tighten around him as you buck desperately against his mouth, hoping to find more friction despite his lack of action.

The breech of a large finger pulls a sound out of him, a mixture of a moan and a scream. You offer your own moan at the vibrations of Sanji’s on your clit.

Zoro presses kisses onto the skin of his buttocks, rubbing soothing circles on his skin as Sanji adjusts to the foreign intrusion. Slowly, he begins to rock his finger back and forth, occasionally stopping to spit on Sanji’s hole, an action that has the man’s dick twitching.

“Don’t worry Sanji he’ll be gentle. Won’t you marimo?” you tease, tone breathy from your own arousal at seeing Zoro knuckle deep in Sanji.

“We’ll see about that.”

Sanji turns to tell Zoro off, but the aforementioned man’s free hand grabs his head, shoving him back into your cunt, earning a squeal from you.

“Focus Sanji” Zoro gravels out, voice thick with lust. You snake your legs around Sanji’s head, heels resting on his mid back.

“He’s right Sanji, wanna cum so bad”

As if to demonstrate your need, your hips buck into his open mouth, hoping to find a tongue to grind into. Ever the gentleman, Sanji grants your request, eating you out with renewed vigor.

Zoro continues to work his fingers into him, one finger becomes two, pumping becomes scissoring, and soon Sanji feels more stretched out than possible. Sanji lets out loud moan after moan into your clit when he feels the man continuously brush his prostate. His mouth is messy with saliva and your slick, jaw aching as he continues to devour you. You reward him with looks from dark lashes glimmering with tears, your soft skin flushed by his ministrations. Pretty whines of his name spill out from your lips, urging him on as you chase your high. Your fingers clench onto his hair, the pain from the pulling mixing with the shockwaves that Zoro’s fingers provide him.

“A-ah right there S-sanji!”

Your tighten your legs around Sanji, a loud wail escaping you, hands fisting the blankets underneath as the coil in your belly snaps. Your orgasm wracks your body, vision going dark and heartbeat in your ear. Sanji’s tongue doesn’t stop, sending pins and needles through your nerves. Tears dot the corners of your eyes as he eats your overstimulated pussy out until you’re crying his name, begging him to stop. When he relents, you pull him into a kiss, tasting your own salty juices on his lips. You swipe your fingers over his messy slick shined lips and chin, offering them to Zoro who sucks on them with enthusiasm before letting go with a pop of his mouth.

You shimmy out from under Sanji, the blond pushing himself to all fours to offer you more space. Moving off to the side, you take in the sight of Zoro greedily pumping three fingers into Sanji who’s offering himself up like a dog in heat, whimpers pouring out of his mouth. Sanji’s dick is standing tall, precum dribbling out from the tip and onto the bedsheets where you can already spy a dark wet stain forming. You wrap a hand around his cock, thumb smearing the precum as you begin to pump up and down at a torturous pace. Sanji’s head buries into the bed as he lets out a string of expletives. You and Zoro share a naughty grin.

It doesn’t take long for Sanji to start moving his hips, desperately fucking himself into Zoro’s fingers trying to plunge deeper.

Zoro pulls out of him, and you take your hand off of his cock, Sanji is left whining at the loss of contact.

He isn’t left alone for long as Zoro pushes him into the bed before flipping him around so he’s on his back. Zoro devours the sight of Sanji’s hair pooling around him in a radiant halo, his cheeks flushed pink and dick twitching for attention. You come back and pass Zoro a bottle, lowering yourself to take the man’s dick in your mouth. Sanji’s eyes are glued to the sight of you bobbing your head along the impressive length of the swordsman. He watches as Zoro’s eye closes, clearly enjoying the way you’re taking all of him in. It isn’t long before the swordsman pulls you up and into a kiss.

Jealousy grips Sanji’s heart. Brook was right, the two of you were a beautiful couple.

You take the bottle from Zoro and pour out a viscous liquid onto your fingers, soaking them in it before wrapping it around Zoro’s cock, wetting him with long strokes.

“Fuc-k babe that feels good”

You offer Zoro one final kiss, a mischievous hand coming to smack the swordsman’s bottom sending him on his way to Sanji.

Zoro slots himself between Sanji’s legs, wrapping his hands around his ankles before yanking him, moving him closer to the edge of the bed. For the first time Sanji’s cock presses into Zoro’s and it twitches in excitement, the blond shudders at the contact. Zoro captures his lips into a kiss and Sanji loses himself in it. Sea salt and steel invade his senses, wiping his mind blank of every thought. Rough hands find their way to his slender hips, rubbing circles along the bone. Slim smaller fingers press against his hole, taking time to slather him in the same viscous liquid.

When Zoro breaks the kiss, Sanji opens his eyes, taking in the sight of the swordsman on top of him.

“You ready?”

He isn’t, but Sanji nods.

The blunt tip of Zoro’s cock on his hole startles him, and for the first time he begins to wonder how in the fuck he’s supposed to take all of it inside of him.

Then the push comes, a groan is ripped from his chest as Zoro breaches his tight hole for the first time. Sanji feels panic well inside of him. He’s going to be torn in two, there’s no doubt about it. The blond squirms in discomfort, and you’re quick to notice, kissing his tears away, interlacing your fingers with his.

“Shhh, it’s okay baby. You’re doing so good, such a good boy for us”

Zoro takes it at Sanji’s pace, allowing the blond to adjust to the stretch. One hand steadies his hip and the other strokes his calf, bringing it closer so the green haired man can press kisses into the pale skin.

Through the pain and panic, Sanji finds himself delusional. With his eyes closed and brain shut off, he imagines this is what it would be like to be loved by the both of you, drowning him in sweet nothings, soft kisses, and praises of what a good boy he is.

It takes a deliberate amount of self-control for Zoro to inch in slowly, the sight of Sanji’s greedy hole swallowing his shaft has anticipation pumping through his veins. He finds himself resisting the urge to pin the blond down and ravage him right there, to stretch his hole out so fully that it molds itself to the shape of Zoro’s cock and his alone. It isn’t long before he finds himself full sheathed, Sanji clenching around his dick, sending mind numbing pleasure into Zoro.

He holds him there, offering more time to adjust as he holds the blond’s hips steady. Letting go of Sanji’s hand, you happily move into the mix of bodies, sitting on top of Sanji, a hand guiding his length into you. As the tip of his dick enters you, Sanji throws his head back, wailing into his fist as he tries to quiet himself. Slowly, you sink into his length, engulfing him with tight searing heat. You’re tighter than he expected. You lean back, pressing your back into Zoro’s muscle bound chest as you turn to give him a kiss. He moans into your mouth as your tongues meld into each other.

In need of friction, you start a slow pace, moving up and down on Sanji’s length.

“F-fuck, oh my fucking g-god, feels ‘sgood” Sanji slurs out, tongue lolling and mind blank.

Zoro pulls from your kiss to start pumping into Sanji, ever impatient he fucks the blond with aggression. Unabashedly, the swordsman lets out a groan at the feeling, Sanji gripping his cock like a vise.

“Yer so fucking tight for me babe”

The blond isn’t shy about making noises, screams and moans mixing together as they leave his mouth. Zoro’s finger’s dig into the man’s hips to gain more purchase as he thrusts particularly deep, punching the air out of Sanji’s lungs, his legs spasming as Zoro jabs into his prostate. His body seizes, eyes rolling to the back of his head as he babbles out nonsense.

Sanji can’t think, he can barely breath with Zoro’s cock bullying him out of air only for your tight pussy to greedily clench, only allowing him short gasps of breath. He loses himself entirely in the feeling of being thoroughly used by the two of you, drool leaking out of the side of his mouth as eyes stare unfocused.

Sanji’s dick curves and hits the most sensitive parts of you, brushing along your g-spot as you bounce up and down on him, desperately chasing your own high.

“S-sanji, your cock f-feels so good baby”

Your words begin to slur as you feel the beginnings of an orgasm gather in your loins.

Sanji is the first to cum, letting out a loud wail as he bucks his hips upward, shooting his cum deep inside of you. The feeling of his warm cum flooding you makes your eyes roll to the back of your head, you keep riding him through his orgasm, oversensitive cock still hard as you grind down on it, losing yourself in the pleasure of his spongy dick tip grinding into your cervix. Zoro’s hand snakes around your hips, fingers pinching and rolling your clit, sending fireworks of pleasure into your spine, you hold onto Sanji, nails digging deep. Zoro’s thrusts get deeper, rocking you and Sanji. His breathing is choppy, moans spilling out of his lips as Zoro chases his own high.

Fireworks burst behind your eyelids as you feel the orgasm wrack your body, tears gathering in your eyes as your moan stutters in your throat. Sanji whimpers as your pussy milks his oversensitive cock for more cum. Zoro’s arm wraps around your waist and the other on Sanji’s thigh as he pulls both of you closer, the coil buried deep in his belly threatening to snap. He picks up the pace, relentlessly hammering inside of Sanji, the movement causing Sanji’s dick to rub the sensitive tissue of your cervix, gushing out the cum deep inside of you. The tight friction of Sanji’s hole is delicious as Zoro gives the last few pumps before burying himself as deep as possible in the blond, head resting on the crook of your neck as he came. His loud groan is muffled in your skin, stars shoot across his vision as he paints Sanji’s walls white, belly clenching as he slowly rocks the last vestiges of his orgasm out.

The three of you fall on the bed in a mess of limbs, sweat, and body fluids. You’re out of it until you feel an arm wrapping around you, hazily recognizing it as Zoro’s, bringing you and Sanji closer to him. You press yourself into his side, craving the comfort of his embrace. Your head rests on his wide chest listening to the pounding heartbeat as he presses a kiss into your sweaty hairline.

Zoro’s heart feels full as he watches his two lovers, fully sated and thoroughly fucked, resting in his arms, the trust they put in him is implicit.

The peace is broken when Sanji breaks out of the embrace, getting out of the bed picking up pieces of various strewn about clothing. The action startles you and Zoro out of your post orgasm glow, the two of you sharing a confused look.

“Where the fuck are you going?”

Zoro’s voice cuts through Sanji’s soul. Steeling himself, he looks up at the two of you, still wrapped around each other, clearly comfortable - a comfort Sanji can’t indulge in lest he lose more of his heart.

“Ah. Well, I figured you guys had your fun, right?” he weakly chuckles.

The silence is deafening.

“No need for me to linger while you tw-“

“Sanji when we said we wanted you we meant all of you. You mean more to us than just sex, we adore you.”

His body tenses in surprise, the shock written all over his face.

Zoro leans forward, grabbing Sanji’s hand to pull him back into the mess of limbs.

“C’mere and cuddle us Sanji.”

Sanji sinks into the cuddle, hungry heart full for the first time in a long time.

#fanfic #one piece #vinsmoke sanji #one piece sanji #sanji x reader #zoro x reader #roronoa zoro #zoro #one piece zoro #zoro x reader x sanji

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matan4il · 1 month

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911 ep 702 first watch reactions

Man, IDK. Maybe I shouldn't be writing about this. I'm an Israeli. I'm currently living a continuous trauma. The end of 701 already felt a bit difficult for me. The start of 702 was even more so. And maybe I don't have the right to speak about this, being Israeli and watching a show that is American.

But then I think... yeah, it's an American show, but it is made knowing it will be aired internationally, including in Israel. It's an American show, and plenty of American Jews have family and friends in Israel, maybe they had a similar reaction to mine. It's an American show, and I am not American, I am probably not someone they keep in mind when they make it, but I am a human being, and as such, I have the right to share my experience. Even if it is unique, and not one single other viewer felt the way I did when watching 702, even if no one else reads or gets this. We are all valid as human beings, with our unique experiences, and that does include me.

It was hard for me, seeing civilians being held hostage at gun point, when 134 of our hostages are still kept in captivity, and when I heard so many testimonies from people about the many hours they spent staring down the barrel of a gun, or being under siege.

It was hard seeing people made to kneel with rifles pointed at their heads, then Norman, a character we've gotten to know more than the average vic on this show, being shot. There's a specific vid from Oct 7 that this made me think of. It was CCTV footage, showing a girl who was fleeing Hamas terrorists, and they ended up with one catching up to her, she was on her knees, the terrorist was aiming his rifle at her head, and she was begging for her life. He let her go on like that for several long and excruciating to watch seconds, where it was like... maybe it won't happen, maybe he won't shoot. Then he shot her anyway, and her body fell back from the impact of the shot, and then to the ground.

It was hard seeing Hen's decision in the field being questioned, by others and at times herself, while thinking of all the soldiers and commanders who are being questioned, and are questioning themselves, on whether they made the right calls on the day of Hamas' massacre, and the days leading up to it, which enabled the brutal, torturous murder of so many. I've even seen civilians do that, like Rami Davidian, who's being interviewed by many for being a hero, driving into the scene of carnage repeatedly to save others, most of them strangers, and at least once I heard him saying he feels guilty and sorry for all the people he failed to save.

It was hard watching Bobby and Athena saying their last goodbye to each other, when I have spent almost half a year listening to people sharing their last conversations with their loved ones, and watching too many saying their last goodbye at funerals. I just recently wrote about Libby Cohen Meguri's last phone call to her family, when she had already been shot, and all she wanted was to tell them that she loves them, but her mom was too in denial.

I feel like I should say something about the storytelling, about how great the show is again, how this is a multi-ep disaster done right, with the correct balance between the regular emergencies, the big one, and the personal lives of our protagonists with their familial love for each other, with a great build up, both from one ep to the next, and within the eps themselves... A part of me does notice and is happy about that.

But most of me just can't. That's trauma for you, I guess. And to borrow the words of one Eddie Diaz, I'm scared that I will never feel normal again.

#personal #911 spoilers #911 #911 abc #911abc #911 on abc #911onabc #evan buckley #eddie diaz #911 meta #chimney han #maddie buckley #bobby nash #athena grant #hen wilson #911reactions #9-1-1 #israel

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wandaxpietro · 2 months

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another ask because this is the only way I know how to contribute to the Maxicest/ScarletSilver fandom (wish i could do more but college is p a i n )

but imagine if Pietro and Wanda just came out and told everyone they're dating/in love (whether as a joke or if they're being serious or idk) I am willing to bet a majority of their friends/coworkers/acquaintances/enemies would either be like: "we knew lol" or "you haven't already???" or be supportive or neutral to their relationship.

But I'm wondering... how would Magneto react? How would Lorna react? How would Magda/Marya/Natalya and Django react? (if they were alive to see it) How would Vision or Crystal react?

Hell, how would Billy and Tommy react? And Luna too? (marvel pls bring her back :((( plsss)

i feel like in the current SW&QS comic run, there will probably be some in-universe comment/rumors that since are Pietro and Wanda are together again, that they are together.

(might ask more questions/thoughts/random blurbs later ://)

ah i think you're more charitable than i am... i don't think most people who know them would be okay with it. they all probably know to varying degrees -- especially their close friends -- it's the deniability that saves it for them, that makes them able to ignore all of it. the avengers (the ones that are close to them, that is) all know, all have seen the twins in weird situations, but they've gotten very very good at looking away. none of them want to know. i think they'd be highly uncomfortable if they came out with their relationship officially, because that'd mean they can no longer ignore it, y'know? i don't think most would start a fight about it or a confrontation or anything, but they'd get weird around the twins.

(on a side note, i think clint is one of the people who'd get actually angry for a while lol. that moment when you're bisexual and your two crushes are dating etc etc. also i think carol would ask wanda if she's alright, if pietro's forcing her into anything, which would make wanda really mad. janet i think is smart enough that she's realized for a long time they're in love & knows something like that isn't going on but she wouldn't be very comfortable, either. the one i think who's most likely to "accept" it is actually tony bcuz i think he genuinely wouldn't give a fuck lol)

that aside! now for the ones you actually asked about lol. ah it's difficult.

magneto - depends on when he'd find out. during brotherhood times, i don't think he'd care, because he didn't really care about them to begin with. once he finds out they're related, at the very beginning, i think he'd be appalled but there isn't anything he can do about it, since he's an absent father trying to reconnect and has no rights to his children. once they're in the family dance for a while, he's grown a bit demanding, esp towards pietro, if that makes sense? so i think he'd probably argue with them about it lol. i don't think he'd like it, not so much bcuz of personal disgust, but mostly bcuz of optics. but also bcuz he has a desire for his children to live normal, happy lives (as much as he has trouble showing them that normally lol) and i think he'd think that would interfere with that. he's also very good at ignoring it, however -- before he'd officially find out, ofc, but after, too. he just conveniently "forgets" it. maybe starts introducing both of them to other people. they hate it.

lorna - i think lorna knows. i think she's known for a long time and while she was disgusted by it at first (and also strangely jealous; she doesn't want either of them but they've always been so close and she never had that. she doesn't have a sibling that's primarily hers, if that makes sense) i think she came to terms with it over time, enough so that she'd be pretty alright with it if they went official.

i honestly don't know about magda, django, marya and natalya... i think magda would have a lot of compassion after everything they've been through, but would treat it as an unfortunate side-effect of all of the twins' trauma, if that makes sense? she loves them a lot, though. the rest of them i don't know. i can't see any of them liking it, but marya and django might just be happy they're both alive and happy, you know? i feel like natalya would want more for them, similarly to magneto, bcuz she doesn't quite get it. but no one does. so yknow.

so billy and tommy are their kids. we know this. i think tommy wouldn't care, tbh. i can't see him being fazed or disgusted by it, also i think he'd be happy to find out pietro is his dad. they already get along, and he doesn't have a lot of people who care about him, and who want to spend time with him (vision never did lol). idk about billy..... i think he dearly loves them both but i think he might just think wanda could do better (lol). i think he'd be vaguely uncomfortable, but pietro would never play dad if billy didn't want that, so i think they're fine-ish? he'd probably get used to it eventually even when he's not thrilled. idk if he'd ever see pietro as his dad. also i think he's also known for a long time but he hasn't gotten over it like lorna has.

as for luna....... honestly she's genuinely a weird kid. she can see people's emotions & i can't see her caring much about "human" taboos. she's from a royal family, and her aunt's husband is also her aunt's (distant) cousin. i think she'd be fine, lol. she can see the love between wanda & pietro -- and tho she probably didn't realize (or didn't want to; bcuz that'd make things complicated) that it was romantic, too, she'd be relatively fine, just happy that her father's happy. she's long since been over crystal and pietro's marriage, so that doesn't bother her, either.

#i'm sorry if this feels like a pessimistic view lol #but i genuinely can't see most of the people surrounding them as actually fully supportive #also i think wanda & pietro wouldn't ever officially come out as a couple. it's been a secret for a long time #and at some point it's not really a secret anymore -- w and p don't treat it as one anymore either -- but no one talks about it #it's like an open secret. people who want to can safely ignore it most of the time #but then they'll catch a clandestine moment and be reminded. lol.#anyway!#answered #i should probably start tagging these asks #scarletsilver #maxicest

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korodere · 4 months

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new year new... idk

haven't made a proper new years post in a while. i think this year kinda earned one.

tw: death, suicide, and so on

so... 2023.

where do i start?

a lot of good. and way, way more bad. but i don't want to lose sight of all the good because of it.

for the first time after knowing these guys for over a decade, i met my best friends nate, kathy, and kai in real life. spent over a week together with them, went to a con, got to share a bed with them the whole time, and force nate to eat a bunch of american food.

but. a month later, kai killed herself. and i'm still dealing with that. probably will be for the rest of my life. she was my best friend, i would call her my soulmate, my sister. she meant the world to me. i wish i could've spent every day of the rest of our lives like we spent that week in DC. i regret all the things i didn't do yet with her. all the things i couldn't do for her, to help her.

i miss her. a lot. i've just gotten to point finally, after she passed on aug 28, where just the thought of her doesn't make me spiral into misery and cut myself. i still get the feeling sometimes---i travelled again for the first time since our trip to DC, to see my childhood best friend graduate, and the entire plane ride was miserable. i just thought of her the whole time, because the last time i'd been on a plane was to see her, and then to leave her. and i kept thinking about how much i fucking wished i could've taken her back to vegas with me. she joked about it, when they dropped me off the airport, got out of the car and pretended like she was leaving with me. i wish she could have.

she made the year really stressful. from her new relationship to the constant troubles that came with it, to her psych ward visit, and then her constant attempts. over and over. and i had to keep stopping her, fighting with her. found out her whole philosophy on suicide---that it's her body her choice, and therefore anyone not wanting her to kill herself is being selfish, and that it was just a difference in philosophy. it was difficult. the conversations i had with her, i didn't want anyone else to hear. unfortunately it all spilled out, and then she took her own life.

i would've dealt with that for the rest of our lives if i had to, though. if it meant i could still talk to her, to see her again. i would've foiled her suicide attempts and argued with her and fought with her about it until we both grew old if i had to. i wouldn't have had to, i hope. but it was hard to convince her that there was any life to live other than this, for her. that she wouldn't feel this way forever.

it was a difficult year, if not for that already, but on top of that i was still dealing with the aftermath of a bad, drawn out breakup. so while trying to help her, i was barely able to help myself cope and move on from that---the fights and the shitty words and feelings. i felt pretty close to trying to attempt myself, last year. i'm better now. back on my medication. and while my self-harm is still an issue, it hasn't been for a couple months. its still on my mind, though. not always but a lot of the time.

i've been struggling pretty badly with feeling like i don't have a place in the world. worsened by the obvious, you know. i place a lot of my self and identity on the people around me---so who am i if not his boyfriend, if not kai's best friend? so much of my self-perception revolved around them.

there was a good month or two where i sort of just like... didn't want to exist, or accomplish anything. it's hard to describe but i felt like---why bother with transitioning? why bother with top surgery? HRT? legal documents? all that? if she's not here. i was her best friend, and she was always so proud and happy for me when i made progress---when i started growing a stache, she'd point it out everytime we video called and say "ooh, you look like a man, so handsome", or the more common, "you look like a fag". when my voice started dropping a bit, she noticed. it dropped even more this past month. i wish she could hear it.

this is certainly nsfw, but it makes sense in the context of our relationship (she was always very openly sexual around me, and vice versa. it was just part of our dynamic), but when we met up in july, i let her do... a lot of things lol. including suck on my nipple. which, yea, sounds weird, but it made sense for us. i told her now she had to live long enough to see me get top surgery, so she could test out if i still had enough feeling in my nipples. she said she would. so, for a while after she died, i felt like... i can't? or, why should i? if she won't be there, for me. if she won't be there to see my results.

it's really hard, thinking things like that. i'm struggling to not start crying right now. which is a miracle, honestly, i haven't been able to cry as much since i started T and yet because of her i've cried more in the past few months than i have in the year and a half since i started T.

i really miss her. i wish we could've done more, together. the week i spent with her felt like what i'd wanted my life with her to be for years. nearly a decade. you know, you grow up a mentally ill teen on the internet with all your most important friendships being these long distance people you've never met irl, and you talk and talk about what your life could be if you all lived nearby. and then for one week, that's what my life was. and i've never been happier in my life, genuinely. i wanted that to be my life, forever. it felt so comfortable and easy; i've notoriously had some bad anxiety issues about meeting up irl with people for the first time, i sort of shut down and go non-verbal, struggle to socialize or talk. but with her, kathy, and nate---i felt none of that. none of it. everything was so easy. i wasn't anxious or scared or anything.

i loved being with them. i loved doing mundane things like shopping at walmart and target with them while they pushed me around in the shopping cart. loved going to hot topic and picking out clothes with them. loved seeing the barbie movie in theaters opening week with them. going to a convention with them, something id' wanted for so long, because conventions are such a big part of my life and all i'd ever wanted was to share it with them. we cosplayed together. i put kai in my mikan cosplay, it fit her so well. when we went to the danganronpa meetup at otakon, she fit the part so easily even though she was kinda nervous. i still look at the pictures.

she really was a perfect mikan. nate was junko, you can see him on the right there, i was komaeda, and kathy was chiaki. it fit us all so well. i wish we could do it again.

it's been hard to wear my mikan cosplay again, after that. knowing she wore it.

i miss her a lot. but i'd be remiss to not mention that despite how awful this year was, i am hoping for a lot better in the upcoming one, and i'm going to make it so. and i know last time ifelt this way, a pandemic suddenly happened and things got worse, but i'm really gonna try, lol.

so what do i hope for, this year?

i'm going to see kathy & nate again, mark my words. i already have plans to see kathy in february and i'm going to enjoy myself the best of my ability, even if it'll be hard to be in her house again, considering the last time i was was when kai was there, too.

i want to get my passion for art back, and i think i'm already on my way to it. i want to get back into painting, both digitally and physically. and to draw with emotion rather than the intention to just make something pretty people will like.

back to the gym. rather stereotypical, but i gained a lot of weight after kai passed, and i want to get back in shape now.

drawing more things im passionate about rather than making myself stuck fixated on one interest.

top surgery. i wanna figure it out. even if i cant get it this year, i want to figure out what i need to do it.

a job hopefully. of some kind. just want to feel more stable money-wise if i can.

im just going to do things that ive wanted to do for a long time. im gonna stop putting it off. and just do it. because the time will pass anyways. so i want to do it now.

happy new year, everyone.

#kota.txt

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yeyayeya · 9 months

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@astra-blade-13 I accidentally deleted your ask while trying to answer it, but I at least copied it

astra-blade-13 asked: Please tell me about your Scáthach headcanons, this guy deserves more love

I apologize for the delay, as I was on a trip and didn’t have time to answer it before. Thank you so much tho! I really wasn’t expecting anyone to even reach out and ask my opinion on Scáthach as I said that on a whim, but I really appreciate!

This post might be a bit long, and these are just purely headcanons on my part, so none of this is exactly canon as I am just trying to fill in the gaps (also this is me talking a bit about other characters that I have headcanons for)

Scáthach, I’m pretty sure, is the more tame of the Ayra twins, so majority of the time he’s trying to get Larcei out of trouble because of how impulsive she is

I know it’s canon that Iuchar and Iucharba are head-over-heels for Larcei, but to me, they’re both bi and are ALSO head-over-heels for Scáthach. Tho they’re both really difficult to flirty with, as Larcei would probably yell and fight them as a rejection, while Scáthach would either ignore them or try to be nice on a rejection

I made a post a while back about Scáthach having a crush on Oifey, and that was his gay awakening

I actually don’t have a headcanon for his sexuality (although I do lean a bit more on him being bisexual) and to me it feels right for him to be unlabeled. Tbh i don’t think he would care

Other side ships for me would be Lana and Julia, aka childhood friends to lovers/princess & bodyguard

He has relationship experience, and has dated Lana before and dated Julia for a while, and still treats them as close friends even after their breakups

He is a BIG Lana/Julia shipper, and once he realizes that they have mutual feelings, he makes it his personal mission to get them together

Larcei to me feels like she’s very expressive, and wears her emotions very clearly on her face. Scá, on the other hand, tries his best to hide them and doesn’t want anyone to know what he’s feeling, especially when he’s either feeling depressed or is showing emotions that he’s not used to. This occurred a lot as he was more and more active on the battlefield

He especially tries to hide his troubles thoughts from Larcei and Shannan, as he feels they have more pressing matters than him

Relationship wise, I like to think he’s very smooth, and actually knows how to properly flirt. It’s not anything dramatic or over-the-top, but his flirting is genuine and it’s only to those he’s close enough to want a relationship with

He’s definitely more comfortable around women, and he finds it easier to be friends with them

He knows how to use a bow (somewhat) from Lester since they grew up together, and he and Diarmuid frequently spar together. He also somehow managed to be their wingman since he was always in the middle of those two, and he’s happy to see that his efforts payed off.

He crochés. Idk why but to me it’s just something that he would do? It’s just a calming hobby of his and he likes giving his works to those close to him

He’s a romantic at heart, and a sucker for romance novels.

He’s just very calm and patient? Out of the Tirnanog gang, he’s the one that doesn’t panic much in a stressful situation. You would believe it would be either Seliph or Lana, but in reality, it’s him

He’s a very hard person to anger and rile up, and it takes a LOT to do so. Unless you threaten to hurt his friends, and that’s when you’re dead

#yeyarants #fire emblem #fe4 #fire emblem 4 #fire emblem genealogy of the holy war #genealogy of the holy way #fe genealogy of the holy war #jugdral #scáthach #ulster #this is just me trying to fill in the gaps of his nonexisten personality #well…#i’m trying #I refrained myself from adding hc about him with arthur #as this post was already getting long #that might be for another different post #I just really like him?#idk why I gravitated towards him but I did #I’m trying to show him love #he just a little guy #a VERY underrated little guy #watch as more hc come to my mind #if they do I’ll maybe write about them on a different post #who knows?#I’ve thought of changing my pfp to Scá #but right now it’s Yin Yu #as I’m still crazy about him #maybe a little more crazy than Scá #Yin Yu has just been on my mind a lot #but Scáthach is worming his way to my brain once more

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g0rechan · 1 month

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741-741

That’s the number you gave me when I was posting similar things like your last post.

Use it.

I love you. Ik this sounds parasocial but idc. You’re my only friend. I have no friends irl and chatting and vibing with you online has got me through incredibly difficult times for me. I was so lonely and still am, I had strong urges to commit suicide but you got me through it.

Please, use it. You’re an incredible person who’s funny and pretty and creative.

Call me a parasocial bitch all you want but I really want you to get help.

I did, I did call that number. I cried so hard and -aside from the time my dog died- it was genuinely the first time I’ve cried in such a long time.

I’ve been in such a dark place for god knows how long. It’s been so damn stressful and insane. The only thing preventing me from killing myself is friends, my art, fashion, and the events I get to attend with people. I love hanging out with friends, it distracts me from all my worries and all the bad that I know about.

I didn’t start feeling this way until I had to start adulthood with no preparation whatsoever and worry about paying bills and break my back to put a payment on my car that shouldn’t even be that ridiculously high (seriously, fuck capitalism).

And my parents tell me that I need to get over it bc I’m an adult and that stress is a part of life and that I’m not mentally ill, I’m a spoiled brat. Like WTF?! Yeah ik life is stressful, but I’m not allowed to be stressed??

I’m sure they were just as stressful as I am when they started adulthood. Especially since my mom was a fucking teenager when she had me and had to work jobs while my father was attending night school at the time since he had to drop out to support his family.

Ig they just don’t remember? Or maybe because they’re both in the upper middle class quadrant that they feel like they’re so much better than people who are struggling- Yes, I still live with them but I can’t consider myself as part of their family with how fucking irritatingly unhelpful they are.

I wanna go back to who I was as a teenager. Not caring, loving everyone… not being the bitter, angry, vindictive bitch that I am now. Before I used to be so happy when others were happy, but now whenever I get a manic episode and I see, like, idk a rich person or rich and upper middle class kids who didn’t have to grow up in poverty like I did, I feel bitter. Like, physically. I can feel it building up inside me and spewing into my mouth.

And once I get out of my episode, I feel so fucking stupid. It’s so childish and terrible, the last time I felt this way was when I was like, what? 12-13?? I’m like, “cmon, Miliani. Really?”.

I tell myself I should be happy, I have many friends and everyone is always telling me I’m so pretty, and artistic, and so many boys and even girls have crushes on me and try to get me stuff for free sometimes.

And I’m upset because, what? I don’t have money?? One minor thing that won’t make more of a person if I did??

… I don’t want to be rich. I just want to be financially comfortable. That is fucking all. And if I can’t be financially stable, I’d at least want people to care. I want people to understand.

I also just wanna have a connection with my mommy again instead of her being angry at me. I want to just be happy with what I have.

It sucks bc I can feel happy sometimes, but the bad thoughts always come back. It’s like my brain doesn’t want me to be happy. I talked to the suicide hotline and they recommended that I’d see my school counselor to get free accommodations for getting a proper mental diagnosis…

Overall, I don’t hate myself or my life. It’s just mental illness and the stress of this new stage in life is taking an absolute fucking toll on me.

I’m just glad that I finally know the root cause of my problems now instead of attacking myself and others in blind rage.

I’ll help myself, like I did with you. I feel good that I was able to help you through all the sad and stressful things in your life.

As of now, the thoughts are gone. They’ve come and gone all day, everyday. I know the thoughts will come back but til then. I want to strive to be the best version of myself. I want to learn to love and again. I want to be that caring, selfless, sweet girl again. And I know I can do it, with the help of friends and therapy.

When I learn to love myself, I can learn to love others again.

Thank you.

#I’m sorry luv I didn’t mean to bombard you with so much #vent #tw vent #vent post #personal vent #anger #rage

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forestryfae · 4 months

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man it is SO nice to find a solution to a really shit problem only for 50 other problems to happen

i am completely alone with zero support in a house i hate, doing as much housework as possible so it can be manageable both in day to day life and so its not hard to just leave when i move, and i still am not getting any help getting rid of the stuff.

i have almost no money and i have to pay to take the train to buy food or neccessities and i was dumb enough to not send a letter sooner so i dont know if ill get my money until after christmas or not, i havent bought more than one christmas gift either cus im fucking broke, and i dont feel anywhere in my body that i want to spend time making something for anyone. my brother still isnt done paying me my money back and literally hasnt talked to me since last time he asked for money, my dad hasnt fucking talked to me in ages and the one time he called in summer it was out of boredom to ask when i was gonna visit them, none of my extended relatives talk to me at all so what the fuck is the point there, and my mom is just. a fucking bitch.

i had her removed as a legal guardian, not even on purpose initially but because folkenemnda or whoever sent her a letter before i was able to have a meeting, so she ofc got fucking offended and now has decided sve cant be involved in anything. she cant call electricians, she cant help fix the house, its "too difficult" for her to have to talk to me or my new legal guardian instead of just buying stuff right away, and she told ME to get a new phone service provider. i had to fix that myself. on top of her being, once again, a useless bitch. dont touch my stuff i say, its fucking embarrassing that you have dirty laundry she implies while moving all my furniture around and doing shit to my kitchen while refusing to acknowledge its my house but still treating it like her own, and not fixing the internet again after they unplugged it.

so i have no access to internet besides my last 150 mb of phone data unless i call some guy to fix it, but they wont be here until next year most likely so its pretty much pointless, and if i buy phone data i have to pay. so if i cant get it fixed ill be literally alone for two weeks straight with no people at all around me and noone i can talk to on the internet. except for fucking. christmas. idk about new years eve. and i dont even fucking like my family, i dont even want to spend time with them, they treat me like shit.

the ac doesnt work since mom got the electricians to look at everything but never actually hired anyone to fix shit and now is completely uncooperative. and after they checked the fireplace in that control like two years ago im not allowed to use it, and mom never actually got that fixed either even though shes been in charge of absolutely everything since forever.

plus both heaters downstairs are set to 27c or max and it still is only like 17 or 19 or so, i have an entire room in the house i straight up cant use cus theres no power and no light and 17c in there and its full of stuff i asked mom to take to the thrift store for me 6 months ago. also i cant leave either heater on if im boiling water or washing dishes cus that overloads the entire fucking thing.

and its just like so much bullshit all at once and ive been spacing out for like 2 hours while writing this cus i get so frustrated and upset and angry and sad. its not fucking fair that my parents literally dont care about me, yet im expected to be fucking sociable and call and visit them and reach out. they didnt reach out to me or support me at all when i was a kid, or a teenager, or an adult, why the fuck would i want to deal with them. but if i dont go to visit them on christmas or i point out that hey. youre not really being fair or nice to me at all, hell breaks loose cus i should be more than happy with the crumbs they give me, as if theyre the best people in the world for fucking. calling once every six months or letting me celebrate a holiday with them.

like. im stuck here for 2 weeks, im broke as shit, no connection to the outside world once i use all my data, i very much am still mentally ill even if im better than before i went inpatient. but once i go back ill have to go back to work and i dont have a psychiatrist to talk to and im not on any meds i think i might need and i havent been tested for anything yet, i havent been had driving practice yet, i can barely talk to my support contact, i need a lot more help than i am being given, im not getting the help i ask for when i do ask for it, and thats on top of shit parents and a shit house and two cats i love but am not sure i can keep given the whole thing where im gone for months at a time. and i just. how the fuck am i supposed to be able to keep a job or ever move out or make friends properly or keep a new apartment or house or be mentally stable. its so much bullshit all at once wtf

#talkies

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cock-holliday · 2 years

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@amplifyme Moving this to a new post because while I’m happy to continue talking at length about this, it’s not my post and Idk how many notifs @iwtbscully wants on the og post lol

First, I wanna say I’m sorry that it was so full of disappointment for you. I know what it’s like to have characters temporarily written off and the somehow actual mourning that comes with that. I know what it’s like to have shows go in bad directions, reboots and remakes really fucking with what you liked, sequels and continuations reconning aspects of the original source material that you love--it all sucks ass, and not in a fun way.

That’s gotta be so hard, especially as it’s airing. I have the luxury to watch this as fast or as slow as I please, and jumping around doesn’t mean weeks or months of waiting--it’s instantaneous. While I don’t like spoilers and strive to have blind watches of everything--a 30-year old show is just impossible to avoid spoilers for. Especially one so culturally-relevant that I knew plenty before the internet was anything resembling what it is now. It was on tv, on magazines, on posters, it was the hot couples costume--it was everywhere. My spoiling did not begin on Tumblr.

That being said, I’m kind of glad I’ve had some things spoiled because now I know a bit of what to expect. I am able to put the bar down low so that anything that isn’t terrible has a chance to clear it. Will it? Remains to be seen.

I’ll say this much for myself...the episodes where one or the other was alone, I preferred the episodes where Scully was alone. I feel like I’d be in a more similar position if the roles were reversed. Tons of episodes or half or more of a season without Scully I think would be really difficult to watch. Even episodes like 3 or Zero Sum I spent a distracting amount of time sad about her absence. I’m sure that’s gotta be really distracting for this stretch without Mulder too.

Now, I feel like I should clarify cause it may not seem like it, as I love to bully him, but I like Mulder a lot. lol I like both of them a ton! But where I flat-out just love Scully, no ifs ands or bees about it--so to speak--I relate a little too much to Mulder to not have some complicated feelings about him. Sometimes it’s a little too much self-reflection through the blorbo or whatever phrase people have coined for the experience. lol

So, so far the thing that’s been the hardest with these eps is just Scully having a rough time rather than Mulder’s absence. Both are rough, but one is way more endurable for me than the other. I know Scully’s in for some rough times, with Mulder’s absence not being the end of her troubles, so we’ll see if I’m as on board the angst train or if it’s just a miserable time haha

Either way, the show just isn’t the same without them both there, so I’m separating this period of the show in my mind from the rest until I’ve seen enough for a solid opinion.

I see I’m now in for a MOW stretch with Scully and Doggett, so we’ll see what’s what as I move forward.

#txf

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hyunjinspark · 1 year

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first of all, tysm jade for blessing us with 40k of your beautiful writing, u deserve all the forehead kisses 🫶🏼🫶🏼 also reading this whilst listening to the playlist >>>

3racha are absolute sweethearts i adore them !!!! it’s so interesting seeing a glimpse of hyunjin’s life in seoul, even if it’s not under the best circumstances

“you’re a lot of things hyunjin but i know you’re not selfish” every word that comes out of this man’s mouth make me wanna punch him more. honestly fuck him. can’t begin to imagine how difficult it was for hyunjin to even consider going home, given the love he has for the others + the group’s rising fame. knowing the emotional toll ect makes it so much more heartbreaking when he said he feels like the most selfish person in the world

“i didn’t come here to make people fall in love with me” “i assume that’s quite impossible” okay but did he lie ? “you didn’t let anything happen in seoul maybe it’s time you did in daejon” HAN JISUNG HAVE I MENTIONED THAT I LOVE YOU

“the purple cans had now been lined up before the blue, blending so seamlessly and so beautifully” “whoever did this had an eye for detail and beauty, two of hyunjin’s favourite things” i can’t remember who exactly, but someone said yn’s soulmate would probably spend their time rearranging paint with her. this section is so cute bc it really does show how similar they are + i’m literally giggling and kicking my feet that the purple paint, something that no one else gave a shit about, was one of their first ‘bonding’ moments. idk but after seeing their relationship develop/seeing how many things they have in common, it just makes me so happy reading about the purple paint through hyunjin’s pov and knowing that it meant a lot to him too 🥹

“…someone might know him. right now he wondered if you did” HWANG HYUNJIN RIGHT NOW THE ONLY THING IM WONDERING IS IF YOU REMEMBER HER FROM THAT SUMMER

“maybe hyunjin would make a point to only show for art on the days that you were there” i’m clawing at the walls as we speak 😭 glad to know he was smitten from day one

“one day hyunjin could convince himself that it was the watercolours he really went back for instead of you” YOURE TELLING ME THEY BOTH FELL THIS HARD ON DAY ONE ??? IM ACTUALLY UNWELL WTF WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS ???? if i find out that hyunjin actually remembers her from that summer there’s no way i will survive. like,,,.. that would legitimately be the end of me

“hyunjin turned away immediately not wanting to see a potential kiss” jade i’m not even a quarter through but the number of times i’ve had to physically move away from the screen so i can keep intact whatever shred of sanity i have left is unreal. and i’m not even exaggerating bc how am i meant to live my life knowing that they both had the same reaction at the thought of the other person kissing someone else ? yn walking out with the watercolours and hyunjin overthinking if he should offer to walk her home, they’re the definition of soulmates 🥲

“lover. it sparkled every time the light reflected off it, and it was so transient. with every little movement hyunjin made, the word would disappear and reappear” pls have some respect for my sanity 😐 TAYLOR WROTE LOVER FOR THEM !!! it’s true she told me herself, taking this as a sign that they’ll always be this close forever and ever 🙏🏽✨💫

“you wish hyunjin could let himself love you. but some wishes were impossible” i see that during the time you’ve been away, you’ve perfected the angst so it crushes your soul…..,,.

“took up all the space in your hands just like he did in your heart” this is fine :) i am completely normal about this :))) i think i need to stop commenting on every line that makes me want to eat glass, both for the sake of my mental health and also bc otherwise i’ll be here all night 😭

“no farewell kisses i might throw up” “you were eyefucking each other while you ate the cherry slushie so you’ve ruined slushies for me forever” lee minho is a menace to society and i love him for that

“hyunjin had been holding it the rest of the evening which meant it would smell like him, and maybe you should keep it in your bed for that reason” I- MY GIRL IS INSANE BUT ALSO,,,,, UNDERSTANDABLE AJDHSJKSK

“why would hyunjin ever choose to stay with you? everyone was stopping you from being with him at this point and maybe you shouldn’t fight it” i need yn to get that internship and move to the city with hyunjin, she deserves a BREAK !

“you still didn’t know what love was and you’d never experienced it like that but this was obviously it. how could it not be” 🥲🥲 AND WHEN SHE DRAWS SOMETHING RELATED TO LOVE BC SHE NOW KNOWS WHAT IT FEELS LIKE 😭

i’m not even going to mention the mirror selfie….. but also like,,,.. thank u for that image. thinking many thoughts 🫠

“you can be grateful for something and still call it out for its bullshit” LOUDER YN ❗️❗️

“want me to send it to you” HWANG HYUNJIN IS A MENACE

“you say goodbye to all your friends like that” “no just you” wow i’ve missed hyunyn calling me single in every language 😍

YEONJUN !!!!! CHOI YEONJUN I WOULD MOVE MOUNTAINS FOR U JUST SAY THE WORD !! i’m so scared for the confrontation between him and hana, yeonjun my love you deserve the world

“he wouldn’t risk all of the important things in life just for someone like me” OMG YN YOURE IMPORTANT TO HIM TOO 😭😭 PLS GET THAT THROUGH YOUR HEAD THAT MAN WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR U

every chapter i think to myself there’s no way i can hate hana more but every time she proves me wrong 😐 girl acting like they were engaged when in reality she asked him out mainly to get over yeonjun…. PLS GIVE MY GIRL YN A BREAK 😭 that scene was so tense and well written. even though yn hates confrontation, you could feel all the things she’s been stifling for so long slowly start reaching its breaking point. i’m anticipating the day she says fuck it and goes off on hana

“when you’re hurt i literally cannot function” why would you write this i have problems at home 😐

“you’re staring at me” “you look like you belong in that painting” 🤭🥰🫠

“you weren’t sure about drowning in moonlight but you definitely were drowning in him” you have no idea how much i’ve missed your incredible writing 😭😭💗

“i changed you tangibly even if only temporarily” jade this entire section is so beautiful and thought provoking. i need to find a way to inject the words into my bloodstream

“you dragged his fingers up your thighs” ALFBAKJDNELSJDK THE SCREECH I LET OUT WAS NOT HUMAN YN IS BOLD

“i think the way that you think is beautiful” “i think the same about you” and i think the same about YOU. your writing is just so comforting and beautiful and it feels like a warm hug. sometimes i’m still thinking about a certain sentence you wrote even days later bc it changed the way i think about something. not even exaggerating but you truly have a gift, thank you for sharing it with us ❤️

“it makes your chest wrench and gut hurt but you still like it” me when i read slwy

“if someone goes through your sketchbook it’s almost like picking a the parts of your brain…” see this is exactly what i meant !! this paragraph is going to live rent free in my mind for the next two weeks

“i’ve already done every everything on here” “you’re right but you haven’t done it with me” i’m convinced this man stepped straight out of a romance novel there’s no way someone can be this perfect

HE CALLED HER BABY 🤭🤭

ahhhh okay the purple motif makes me so happy for some reason !! the paint, the balloons, hyunjin’s scrunchie and now yn’s blanket !! it’s so cute 🥰

“i could never be tired of you or anything that you do” dude where’s the love of my life 😔

“what do i have to do? just sit and look pretty” “you wouldn’t have to try too hard” STOP HOW ARE THEY SO ADORABLE 🥹

hwang hyunjin you are literally the sweetest person in the world how can a person be this perfect HE HAS A LIST OF THINGS THAT MAKE HER HAPPY NO ONE FUCKING TOUCH ME IM SO UPSET RN 😭😭 “making you happy is what makes me the happiest” “you’ll be the main thing on it” i’m this 🤏 close to launching myself into the sun

“i’m sorry that you have to eventually fall in love with someone else because i can never be yours” this entire chapter is just me switching between smiling so wide and then holding back tears two lines later

“you were the worse friend in the world to hana” yn my love you got it the wrong way round. manifesting yn going off on hana and yongbok for treating her like their doormat 🔮✨💫🙏🏽

…….. i want you to know that phone sex scene was the hottest thing i’ve ever read and that you’re officially invited to my funeral

nooo yeonjun my poor baby 😭 hana doesn’t deserve him AT ALL also lix being vvvv cryptic wonder what he has to say 👀 but if it’s anything like the conversation between her and hana, best believe i’ll find a way to transport myself to daejon. defending yn in your asks isn’t enough i need a gun

JADE ILY BUT WHAT WAS THAT CLIFFHANGER ????? HYUNJIN GOING BACK TO SEOUL ❔😭💔

ahhh okay this took wayyy longer to read than expected but i’m not complaining i’ve missed slwy so much 😭 thank you for yet another masterpiece !!! this is my favourite chapter so far (but this will likely change when u outdo yourself with the next update ofc) the little loopholes hyunyn find are so cute but also heartbreaking 🥲 i’m vvv excited for them doing activities from the bucket list it’s so cute hyunjin is so endearing 😭💗 but anyway thank you again for another beautiful chapter ily 💗✨

- 🎐

hi my love. i look forward to your reviews and thoughts so much. you always make me laugh and i love seeing you quote your favorite bits. its so satisfying to see you do that, so thank you again for providing me with this 🥺

ill answer under the cut, since its pretty long already ~

im so glad you like the glimpse of hyun’s life, before we go full frontal into his world i wanted yo incorporate parts of it while hes still in daejon, so we see where hes coming from. the context of this scene definitely puts the whole selfish statement into a new perspective 😖

it was yeonjun who said that to yn! he definitely knew what he was talking about ! soulmate behaviour fr fr.

the parallel/ of turning away before hyun can see a kiss/ making you lose your mind has me giggling.

taylor did write it for them, thank you for informing me so glad i know. the ost of slwy. 😚

SHE MAY INDEED draw something about love,,, im so taken aback that you remember all the little details from previous chapters, you make me so proud hahah.

the mirror selfie i would say is very 🤳 similar to this one picture, just a different outfit ^^

and please do inject that pool section into your bloodstream, its one of my favorite conversations to write as well ;-; the fact that you think about parts of my story well after the chapter has me screaming. thank you for appreciating it so much.

all of your little reactions make me laugh so much. i love how destructive you are please like its concerning and endearing in the best way 😅

please stay excited ! i cant wait to share the next part with you.

#star lost with you #🎐anon

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fandom-hoarder · 1 year

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rav used the meangirls-y anti bs to raise real concerns, clearly a bad move IF she actually thinks there are real concerns. I was there for the argument that drove z out of rav's server and uhh. rav deleted the logs after lashing out. rav was incredibly condescending and reactionary to z specifically often. I'd be worried to call her level headed or promote her personal beef, from my POV. both sides lack credibility or clarity.

I'm not sure exactly what your premise is in this first sentence, anon. Rav's post didn't use anti language or the meangirl tone of davy's group, and rav's post IS the most level headed post *I have seen* about the situation, because she talked about REAL experiences without slinging around the types of (as far as I've seen, STILL unwarranted) dog whistle accusations davy and them were, and other people I have similar respect for commented about their similar experiences WITHOUT RESORTING TO DAVY'S TACTICS.

Also, just as an aside, it's really funny to me that someone would complain about rav being condescending but not zxro. This is a nonstarter.

I'm not even involved in this. I didn't interact personally enough to know definitively who did what and why. I wasn't in ANY of those servers or DMs! Therefore, I have to rely on my best judgement according to the information I do have, the people I trust to give me good faith information based on past experience, and the small amount of interactions with zxro that left me uncomfy.

I've spoken to people on the sidelines like me, ostensibly on zxro's side if by nothing more than circumstance, and I can't really blame them for still liking zxro or his writing, or wanting to defend him from the very dangerous accusations davy and them were spreading. If they haven't had or seen the negative interactions other people have, they're likely just doing their best to figure out the situation, same as me. Their personal biases towards zxro will inevitably play a part in their perspective, but that is just human nature. I have no beef with anyone in zxro's circle at this point, unless I see similar bullying behavior to what davy's group is doing.

I've spoken to rav briefly about this situation, and read her post about it. I totally understand why it would be difficult to address this issue before; it can be agonizing to parse when something IS a big enough red flag that you should warn people about before something huge happens. Because not everyone's red flags are the same, or at the same levels, and because this fandom is already rife with clashing personalities, and because of thousands of other micro-reasonings we all rely on to get along every fucking day. So, while I think it's unfortunate it didn't come out sooner and in a different way, I also don't blame rav for not making a callout or something.

You're on anon, and I have no fucking clue who you are, so why should I just take your word over rav's?

But I'm not even here to play he said she said. I already said in my original post that I'm not happy with EITHER SIDE, so did you come here to reiterate? I don't want to be involved with either side -- and here I am talking specifically about the people involved in the bullying campaign of zxro, but also zxro! I'm not into any of this drama, and I don't feel a loss at the idea of not seeing zxro OR davy OR angel on the dash, or anyone else that wants to continue dragging this corpse through ANTI BULLSHIT. I am cutting my fandom losses.

I honestly don't know what the best way to address the real issues would've been, but the way davy's closeknit group did it was the WRONG way. Anyone throwing around the terms of pedo and 'cp' immediately discounts anything meaningful they may have to say, because I can't trust that it's in good faith.

Idk how to make you understand that it isn't ok to accuse someone of being a pedophile just because they're dating an adult you think they're too old for!! Idk how to make you understand that calling underage fanfiction 'cp' is harmful both because it's an incorrect, outdated term AND because the premise of the accusation is false. AND because the people that do that KNOW EXACTLY WHAT THEY ARE DOING. They don't like that content and think it makes you bad, or that the thing they're mad about isn't bad ENOUGH so they have to spice up their bad feelings post with EVIL BUZZWORDS, because that will immediately get their followers attacking the thing they don't like because "*gasp* don't you care about the children?!" Oh, hello U.S. Republicans. When did you join SPN fandom??

Wake up, babe, new fandom factions dropped.

It really doesn't matter if there are truthful accusations about predatory behavior beyond the dog whistles at that point, because the premise of the accusations being spread through tags and replies was just a vengeful dogpile. It just looked like a friend group's petty argument that got nasty, rather than a pattern of behavior to be aware of. And a lot of the people NOT in the know who were concerned about the language being used, and the level of accusation, were told "it's an open secret" -- which it very much WAS NOT, as proven by all the confused DMs I've received. Y'all aren't as famous as you apparently think, jfc. I dont even know what your server is called and it's not the only one for wincest, thank fuck.

I only hope that after this whole thing, people will be both more aware and more mindful of how they're approaching interpersonal problems in fandom. I truly do not want to see new cults form here. The heller cults are enough for one fandom. 🙅‍♀️

#asks #anon ask #i need a fucking tag for this #fandom wank #z x davy apocalypse

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tibby · 2 years

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i would google it but i only trust ur insight/opinions/facts. why was amanda in so many traps was it before she became an apprentice or was it punishment? also ps havent seen the movies - just very interested in lesbian amanda young . pps pls share any extra hcs u have about her ppps love u

hi lovely!! so amanda has technically only been put in one trap - the reverse beartrap - but she pretended to be a victim of the nerve gas house to keep daniel matthews safe, as his survival was required for another game (there's always like three fucking games going on at once in these movies). her apprenticeship was a test, because the only thing john kramer likes more than fucking with strangers is fucking with his employees, but that was a psychological test as opposed to "let's put some guys in a contraption and see what happens." and her failure there was due to hoffman's interference. if any of that makes sense to you as someone who has not seen the movies.

but! on a lighter note, here are some random/various hcs i have for her, some of which are vaguely in the realm of the jigsquad universe as opposed to canon because i want mandy to live. idk if all of these will make sense to a non saw watcher but i am ALWAYS happy to discuss my beloved amanda young:

she's a lesbian. obviously. genuinely surprised that this isn't canon within the films like i thought this was all something we just knew about amanda young.

she's a vegetarian.

despite her...choice of profession, she doesn't enjoy horror movies that much. she says it's because everything is so obviously fake or whatever, but they just genuinely freak her out. she's dealt with enough terrifying shit in her own life and witnesses man made horrors every day (even if she DID help make said horrors), she doesn't need to deal with it in the movies too. she DOES like dramas and documentaries though and usually goes down one of those roads when it's her pick for movie night.

immaculate head game. has lynn seeing shrimp colours.

even before john taught her his engineering knowledge, she's just been naturally good at fixing things up and likes getting to take care of stuff around the house or get the Team Jigsaw Van working again whenever it breaks down. she's good with her hands and isn't afraid of getting dirty, no innuendo intended.

she's smart and got good grades in school but her circumstances and home life and mental illnesses made it difficult for her to apply herself in a way that the education system demanded of her. she definitely did not enjoy the institution of school but i think she liked learning and developing new skills.

on a similar note, she loves to read and will devour anything from 1000 page classics to shitty romantic paperbacks to essays to poems to biographies. she doesn't sleep well so she usually just reads in bed for hours or while they're hanging around waiting for victims to wake up so that the games can start. when she moves in with adam and lawrence and gains access to lawrence's expansive rich educated person library...it's a big moment for her.

she's not particularly motherly or sisterly and doesn't really Do Friends outside of team torture and maim, but she checks in with daniel matthews every so often just to make sure he's doing okay. she doesn't regret what she did to his father but she does feel bad that daniel was harmed - both physically and mentally - because of it. and he's always sweet to her even if he has his suspicions about what amanda's done and she hopes that he'll grow up to be better than his father, better than her, better than all of them.

she's got issues around relationships and also the idea of having a home so it takes her time to actually acknowledge that she lives with adam and lawrence and is dating lynn, which means she spends a long time refusing to use the keys they give her to get through the front door. instead she just picks locks or climbs through windows no matter how many times she gets told that she's welcome whenever and can just walk in. she does get over that eventually (much to the relief of adam's paranoia and lynn's protective mothering) but for awhile there they did all just have to get used to mandy climbing in through a window.

she does Not Like people being in her personal space or touching her or going near her with sharp objects so she cuts her own hair and then eventually gets adam to do it. neither of them really know what they're doing but she's not that concerned with how it turns out. lynn thinks it's pretty no matter what and adam always jokingly calls her rock star once they're done sweeping hair off the floor, and that's enough for amanda.

in an ideal world where people live and they eventually retire out of the murder trap business, amanda and lynn start working with jill at the clinic. i think amanda would take a long time to realise that recovery is possible even without twisted jigsaw games but i do think she has a good heart despite everything and she'd be surprisingly understanding with those who have been through similar shit to her. let her heal from her trauma and come to see that humans can be good and untangle herself from the twisted mindset that john gave her.

#ask #anonymous #headcanons #she's EVERYTHING to me

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audiovisualrecall · 1 year

Text

So friends/family gave us food and others are offering to so we don't have to cook etc and I appreciate it but also

Despite all the Thanksgiving food yesterday being stomach-safe apart from the cake (and, yes, the donuts I had at work 2 days in a row), everything was still rich, and I ate too much, and my stomach has been on and off upset/uneasy since last night. The same thing will happen with the food they gave us, bc it's rich, and we have had problems before with similar stuff, and if it tastes good I have no self control bc I don't feel full right away, and mostly normally we eat simple dishes! Simple stir fries where I have a portion of chicken, rice or pasta, and veggies. My stomach can't really tolerate heavy, rich foods very often, and we already have people offering to buy us dinner foodstuffs for the rest of the week, honestly, and I appreciate it but I don't want to be sick all week, okay! And on top of that I pulled a muscle in my side on like Monday or Sunday maybe and it's been getting more painful/difficult to deal with as I worked 7 days in a row, plus I'm still coughing, and I have acid reflux for some reason, and I'm having to lay on my back and not my side like I prefer bc my side feels painful like pinching when I lay on my side, I can't twist and move around and reach for things easily or without pain. And I can't deal with multiple physical discomforts at the same time like this, and mourning my zayde, and I don't want to be a problem abd a bother to my mom, but I'm trying to express something no one is taking seriously! I have a chronic gut related illness! I'm not just being difficult and I can't just cook something else for myself because I AM IN PAIN! I worked 5 or 6 days in a row with this pain yes but I was clearly doing more damage to the muscle and if I want to heal at all I need to not do things that will hurt it, I need to see a doctor probably too, and I just feel like such a problem, like I'm being a baby making everything about me when ma lost her dad, but it's not my fault I'm injured and that my stomach is difficult!!!!!! And I want to cry and I can't even do that without something hurting! I want normal food bc nothing else can be normal rn. And I'd like tp be able to focus on healing and not on my stomach being upset. Like lunch was bagels, lox, and fruit, and my stomach still wasn't happy. And I need to call out from work Sunday at least partly to let my side heal but also bc we don't sit shivvah tonight or tomorrow until shabbos ends so most ppl are coming over on Sunday to sit with us. And I didn't tell work abt my grandfather passing, I just went to work the next day and said nothing to anyone I only told kne friend when he was sick and only told one different friend that he had passed away Tuesday night, so i just feel weird now to mention that hey I might need some time off due to a death in the family.... but also I might need PT for my pulled muscle and I didn't mention THAT to anyone at work really specifically that the injury occurred at work bc it was just so crazy busy and I thought it would get better on its own I guess, and it probably only happened bc I'd had the flu so I'd been coughing for a week and then reached for something too high up at work while twisted slightly and felt a sharp pain in my side... so idk if I should tell them one or the other bc no one would believe me if I tell them both things are reasons for me to be out. Idk. And I'm just upset and tired of ppl thinking I'm annoying for not wanting to upset my stomach by eating things I know will do so, purely bc it's the food that'd available so I should either eat it or make myself something else. Like my point is it's distressing to me rn! Please help me and understand me!

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missspringthyme · 3 months

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January 31st, 2024

The kitchen has become a problem. I'm not sure why, since before things were going okay without people having to be nannied but now it's bad. What's worse, is I know for a fact that Finnish girl, German American girl, and I have all fully cleaned the kitchen by ourselves multiple time (the last time I did it was a few days ago!) and you wouldn't be able to tell because of how messy it gets so quickly. Now I'm not type A, nor am I the tidiest person, but what I can't do is dirty. The floor is almost always covered in food that has been cleaned up, the counters perpetually need to be wiped, and grease is somehow everywhere. I get that there's 6 of us but c'mon. All this to say that my plans for today were to deep clean that fucking kitchen.

Former Italian roommate came over early and I told her she could just hang out, but she offered to help me clean. Incredibly nice of her. We cleaned everything that could be cleaned in the kitchen, hallway,a nd my bathroom. I put on some rock/metal because that's what I was in the mood for, but when she said that it wasn't really her favorite because she doesn't really like listening to songs in languages she doesn't know, I kept pulling up bad Italian rap.

For lunch we had cacio e pepe and a big salad (in which making I learned that italians don't really like cucumbers which is insane to me since I would gladly munch down a full cucumber) while watching the finale of the percy jackson tv show (I have so many thoughts on this tv show because I was so excited and so happy to watch it but I slowly felt my excitement shift to boredom and frustration as the season went on. I didn't mind some of the changes, but I feel like there was a lack of tension and lots of issues with pacing. Further, the series lacked the humour and absurdity that are cornerstones of the books. My biggest pet peeve is that that kids don't fall into any traps, it's like they're omniscient it's insane. In the books, even if they know the myth it usually takes them a minute to connect the myth to whatever modern equivalent they're seeing in front of them. Idk, I feel like the series has good bones and I'll still watch season 2 because I feel like especially with a tv show they're still learning and need time to figure out the right groove, but I'm worried that because there was such intense, vile, and hateful backlash over things like the casting that it's going to make Rick and the Disney team less likely to take criticisms from fans. Right now, whenever I see anyone voice any sort of disappointment they're immediately told that they're just a hater and that Rick okayed the changes so they're not allowed to complain. I don't think that's the correct response to constructive criticism. Anyway, I think the middle episodes suffered the most and were the most difficult for me to watch, but the final episode was pretty good. Like I said, we'll see. In the meantime I'm going to continue to be frustrated. On the flip side, Fantasy High Junior year is incredible so far! It has made me fully laugh out loud while in public. Incredible work.).

After lunch we cleaned some more, and when everyone came home we went to drop the glass off at recycling and pick up some missing cleaning supplies. If I'm honest, I'm a little pissed at third culture Australian because he made former Italian roommate and I go with him to drop off the glass because "he did it last time". Motherfucker, I just cleaned literally all the common areas. I'm pretty sure I'm pulling my weight.

I had about 10 minutes after we got back before I had to join the final therapy session. My mom was about 15 minutes late as usual so the therapist and I talked for a little bit. She says she feels like individual therapy might be better for the both of us right now and how she's worried that being in family therapy may be actively retraumatizing me at the moment. I would agree. I hope my mom ends up doing individual therapy but I very much doubt she will. At least you can't say I didn't try. I left therapy feeling simultaneously frustrated, tried, and like a weight had been lifted off of me. Next up was dnd though, so I had the ultimate distraction. Nobody tells you that being a dm is hard.

The kitchen was dirty again by the end of the night. At least walking around didn't make my feet black anymore.

#january #friend #roommates #mom #dnd

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skiespaintedblue · 3 months

Text

some random gay dbh things ive been thinking about lately:

promise rings. i dont mind the idea of marriage but since we're in a three person relationship the idea seems like it might be. a little difficult to carry out. but i do really like jewelry with meaning so,,, promise rings :3 i couldnt find any that quite fit so i ended up designing them myself, with a sun/moon/stars theme for markus/connor/myself respectively. the ones i initially made were based on real rings that i liked but didnt quite seem right so i changed em up a bit and added a third of my own design, but i ended up not really liking them so i went for a more simple approach, and it worked! so for the past couple of days ive just been thinking about how id go about giving them the rings and whatnot and its great <3

pets. after a Big Think i eventually came to the conclusion we would get a beagle. its small and its silly and theyre just great little creatures and i think we'd all be happy to have one. and we'd get to take them on playdates with sumo !!!!! i still havent figured out a name tho lol

children. okay normally i really dont vibe with the idea of having kids but i saw a cute video of a mom teaching her baby how to jump and it was so adorable that i think it sent me into a minor bout of baby fever?? i am also on my period so that might have something to do with it dhjfhkd but god. i keep thinking about having a kid with them now. we'd have to adopt obviously, and i have no idea if they'd be android or human. i dont think id ever really go through with it for multiple reasons but god the concept is just really. it gives me good feelings

furry au. i made a dbh furry au a while ago and i got to thinking about it again bc something reminded me of it and its adorable to just. imagine us together but also we're furries. also i enjoy the dynamic of a kangaroo revolutionist and his two devoted dogboy boyfriends. this is peak to me

uhhh lastly this is more general but ive just been. like thinking about them So Much recently, more than ever. to the point where i literally had two consecutive dreams in a row about them ?!!? and i got to kiss and cuddle with them in both dreams and that made me so ungodly happy to experience, but its getting to the point where im like. suspicious. like my life has been completely Okay for the past week or so and i feel like something horrible is gonna happen and ruin everything 😭 but at the very least ive been able to daydream about us being domestic together. so maybe its worth it

anyways. idk what the point of this post was i just felt like putting something on this blog about my ship for once, i will now return to endless reblogs of posts that make my heart get 1% closer to bursting each time

#selfship #dbh selfship #i should probably come up with a tag system soon but i havent really had a need for it so far...? so. shrug

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ohmyeyesmyeyes · 3 years

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Idk if you do one shots inspired in songs, but if so, Would you mind doing one with a Taylor Swift's song which is called "The 1"? With Mason Mount please

< i love taylor so much and i really hope i didn’t completely butcher this, but thanks for the challenge :) >

MASON MOUNT ONESHOT

the 1

( WARNING: little bit of angst and fluff?, swearing )

word count: 1.8k

Things don’t often go as we expect them to, and it’s often incredibly difficult to replan your life around that massive change and adapt your lifestyle so you can — in reality — live again.

It’s like trying to find your feet when you’re in the air — it feels impossible but you know with time you’ll eventually meet the ground again.

That’s what it felt like when you and Mason broke up four years ago.

You were fresh out of uni and at the time, you really thought he’d be it for you, and honestly, so did he. A break up thrown into the mix of having to navigate adult life just seemed to put a huge stopper on all your plans; the holiday you two had both booked for a weekend away in Ireland, the meals out with friends that you had to cancel, and the house showings you were set to attend.

Looking back on your relationship now, you realise it wouldn’t have been the worst thing to end up with Mason. All the years and effort and time put into loving him were — without a doubt — some of the best years of your life (at that stage in life), and did you regret it?

Not one single bit.

But four years is the perfect amount of time to heal, remove the salt from the wound and finish grieving.

But he was here. In real life.

You’d imagined running into him in the supermarket or on a night out with your friends, but a bus stop?

That one was weird. Mainly because you both hated catching the bus with a burning passion.

But it lead to a catch up over coffee.

It was a quiet place, out of the way of the usual lunchtime hustle and bustle in the city, and for that you were grateful. You could hear your own thoughts.

It was awkward at first, you couldn’t keep your eyes from fixating on his figure, his features, because four years can really change a person. He was much broader, his hair a little shorter, but he was still that same Mason you once loved.

You knew that because the first thing he did when he sat down was offer you that cheeky, charming smile that had you hooked from the second you met.

He’d asked how you were, and you answered honestly: you were living well, your best life, and to the fullest. And you knew and he knew that it wasn’t a lie.

He could tell by the smile on your face and the new, sparkling band on your wedding finger. He half expected that blow to sting a little — that you’d found someone and he hadn’t, but he was never one to be bitter whatsoever, at least, not when it came to you.

Instead, he offered his congratulations and the only inkling of regret he held was not being there when it happened.

I guess you never know, never know,

And if you wanted me, you really should’ve showed,

And if you never bleed, you’re never gonna grow,

And it’s alright now.

There was silence after that.

You had one thing on your mind, and you knew by the way he was looking at you that he was also thinking the same thing.

You took a sip of your coffee.

He mirrored your actions, seemingly startled when you placed your mug onto your saucer, the chink of porcelain against porcelain echoing around the small shop cutting through the previous quietness.

“I think I hated you for a while.” You murmured, and if Mason wasn’t leant over the table slightly, he would’ve missed the statement completely.

He nodded in understanding, his brown eyes shining with the faintest hint of guilt.

“I think I was so frustrated with the idea that we just…didn’t work, and I blamed it on you.” You paused, fingers twisting your rings.

He paused, mulling over his words, “And now? Still hate me now?”

You bit back a small smile and met his eyes, “No…I think it’d take a whole load of bad shit to get me to hate you.”

He smiled.

“That’s good to know.”

“I mean, I think it was a long time coming anyway, that break up.”

“It didn’t feel right for a while.”

“No,” you agreed, “as much as it hurt to admit, I think we just failed…as a couple. There was a point where we were just together for the sake of not giving up on the relationship, but with no real reason to continue.”

But we were something, don't you think so?

Roaring twenties, tossing pennies in the pool,

And if my wishes came true,

It would've been you,

In my defense, I have none,

For never leaving well enough alone,

But it would've been fun,

If you would've been the one.

He seemed to ponder over your words, and although he never voiced it, he came to the conclusion that you’d just put into words — perfectly — the itch that had been tickling his brain for the past few years.

“Despite that, you can’t deny that we weren’t something…” he started, before breaking off and shaking his head, as if the mere thought was ridiculous.

“We were something special. I think, had things stayed like they were in the beginning, that…you and I…” you waved your hand, tilting your head, and he nodded in agreement, taking a sip of his coffee.

“Me too. I think…in another life we could have made each other happy. It would have been fun.”

The words ‘if you would’ve been the one’ echoed in your head, and despite the passive aggressiveness of your conscience, you found yourself holding back a smile.

“Water fights in winter and eggs with ketchup…perfect. I’d never have gotten tired of that.” You mused, and he spluttered slightly on his coffee, laughing along with you in what felt like a decade.

I have this dream you're doing cool shit,

Having adventures on your own,

You meet some woman on the internet and take her home,

We never painted by the numbers, baby,

But we were making it count,

You know the greatest loves of all time are over now.

“Then again, who knows? Maybe you’ll fall over in the airport and some lucky person will help you off the floor—”

“You’re about to say something cheesy, aren’t you?” Mason covered his mouth, scrunching his nose in anticipation as you nodded.

“All this nostalgic bullshit has me emotional! I swear, just this once…just this once, and I promise you can laugh about it afterwards.” You swore, holding out your pinkie for confirmation.

He didn’t hesitate, and linked your pinkie.

“You’ll find someone else. It’ll be love at first sight—hey, let me have this moment…maybe love at second sight, knowing you… you’ll go to some really magical place and have the most amount of fun you’re ever gonna have…hikes, skydiving, looking after animals I’m sanctuaries…you’re gonna have the time of your life — like Grey and Swayze.” You sniggered, unable to hold in your laughs at the ridiculous scenarios.

Mason pulled a face, unable to hide a smile.

“Okay, okay. End of story: they’ll be perfect. The Chandler to your Monica or the Robin to your Ted. But, you understand what I’m talking about, right?” You asked, sighing out of frustration.

“You’re saying I’ll find my person.” He concluded, sitting back in his chair.

“Yeah.”

We were something, don't you think so?

Rosé flowing with your chosen family,

And it would've been sweet,

If it could've been me,

In my defense, I have none,

For digging up the grave another time,

But it would've been fun,

If you would've been the one.

“Like…your grandma and grandad. I want what they have.” Mason smiled.

“They’ll be pleased to hear that,” you said, “I don’t think they’re quite over us yet. You were too…you at family meals. They fell in love with you too.”

This time Mason really laughed. Really laughed. He threw his head back and the people working at the counter turned to look at him, fighting their own smiles at his carefree nature.

What you’d said wasn’t even that funny.

“Too me? Thanks, I think?”

“Oh, that’s definitely a compliment. You’re too damn charming for your own good, it’s a problem. You should come with a warning label on your forehead: EASY TO LOVE.”

“That’ll solve a lot of problems.”

There was silence.

It was relieving to say the least.

“That whole conversation was about four years too late.” You said, pursing your lips.

“Better late than never.” Mason murmured, his eyes trained on you.

The pressure on your shoulders was lifted. All the things that needed to be said were said.

As time passes, the wound heals — sometimes, but in your case, that was true, as hard as it was to come to that conclusion — and it suddenly became easier to recall the loss of what might have been without bringing you back to wishing it would be again.

It was nice.

“Would it be totally inappropriate—”

“Not at all.” You interrupted, shrugging at his raised eyebrows.

“You didn’t know what I was going to say.” He chuckled.

“I’ll have you know that years of knowing you granted me the issue of knowing what you’re going to say,” You said, pointing an accusatory finger in his direction.

“What was I going to say?” He challenged, “If you get it right, I’ll get you tickets to the next game.”

You raised your brows.

“Confident, are we?”

He shrugged, a smug smirk on his lips.

“I don’t think it’s totally inappropriate to be friends.” At your words, he slumped in his chair, hands going to cover his face.

“No.” He groaned, repeating the word like a mantra as you pumped the air with your fist.

“Three tickets to the next game in the bag.” You bragged.

“Honestly.” He whined, peeling his hands away. “Why are you so difficult?”

“You offered the terms.”

“Why am I so dumb?” He rephrased.

“Ah, I'm afraid only you can answer that one.”

“The brain cells I have left don’t have enough energy to come up with an answer to a question as philosophical as that one—yes, it was philosophical to me, okay?”

“I wasn’t going to say anything.” You promised, putting your hands in the air in surrender.

“Just remember who’s going to give you those tickets, yeah?” He teased, sitting up.

“Abusing your power, nice move.”

“Oh…shut up.”

“Weak.” You coughed, trying to disguise the fact you said anything.

He looked straight at you, highly unimpressed by your tactics.

“Very original.” Was all he said.

“Is it supposed to be this easy?” You blurted out, spitting out the words before you could rethink the consequences of them being thrown into the abyss between you and Mason.

He knitted his brows together in thought.

“I don’t know,” he answered honestly, “but we were friends way before, it’s not hard to fall back into old habits. I think that’s why it’s so easy.”

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