#which does mean I'm LESS stressed than before!

[casketscratch]

Big fuzzy sweater.

Big fuzzy purring lap warmer.

♥️

#my brain is reeling and #idk it's something hormonal and etc bc my T ultimately got too low and I've been getting regular periods again #which does mean I'm LESS stressed than before! #but every time emotionally? I feel such total fear and dread #like I'm waiting to die and I can never stop crying and begging at #nothing? #they're the hardest emotional cycles to get through but #I'm trying and we're doing it #tomorrow will be better and it's hard to sob when #look at that cat #progress? idk #recovery something

[bumblequinn]

hi @sourpatchsquids! thank you for your question.

as an artist with ADHD, i know this struggle very well. unfortunately offering advice on this kind of thing can be tricky, because what works for me may not work for you (and vice versa!). nonetheless, i can try; take whatever works for you, forget the rest, or reshape any part of it as you see fit. :)

but before i offer any actual tools, i have one caveat. i want you to take a moment to reflect and consider if you should be:

changing expectations

the timing of this question seems fated, because just the other day i had a therapy session wherein i expressed my grief and frustration over struggling to work lately due to my seasonal depression. it's not fair that i'm struggling just because it got a little darker outside! i just want the spark i had in the summer! i was so much more consistent!

my therapist's response: nothing about human beings is consistent. we get sick, we get tired, we get hungry and thirsty (and thirsty) and sad and lonely and restless and stressed and overwhelmed. this all gets amplified for folks who are atypical in some way or another.

when my therapist compared our seasonal cycles to those of plants and other animals, who wilt and slow down and hibernate, i protested aloud that i wanted to be a perennial instead. at this she said: even perennials change with the seasons. rose bushes have to be pruned, sometimes down to half their height! it was a dose of perspective i didn't particularly want, but really needed.

so when you're struggling to work through executive dysfunction, burnout, or brain fog, it can help to first check in with yourself about a few things. what do you have the capacity for right now? do you need any accommodation? and if so, what changes you might make to accommodate yourself?

with practice and self reflection, i've learned a handful of specific routines that help me when i'm struggling with creative work, which i'll detail next. note that while your question is specifically about music and i am specifically a musician, i believe that all of these suggestions can apply to most any form of digital creative work.

with that in mind:

#1: work slower

when i'm at the top of my game, i can get a LOT done in a day. but when i'm depressed, fatigued, or distracted, i just can't go full steam. sometimes i'll try to convince myself that i can if i just push harder, but what actually ends up happening is that i'm just fiddling with settings and going in circles rather than moving forward.

instead of that, when i want to work a lot but can't, i try to work slow. how slow? however slow i need to. take four hours to figure out the melody for a single verse. take all day to figure out that drum groove. yeah, i take a lot of breaks in between. who says i have to be my Absolute Most Productive Every Day Or Else? that's the puritan work ethic talking. kill it. be kind to yourself.

i'm reminded of advice i once read about some super successful and prolific author (gaiman? king? pratchett?) who said they wrote only four hundred words every weekday. that's already less than the word count of this post, and i'm only—[travels into the future to check my final word count]... 22.8% of the way through writing it!

now, i don't think i could function that way, because ADHD means some days i'm hyperfocused like crazy, and other days i just have no steam at all (more on that in #4-6). but it seems to me that if even someone highly respected in their profession can achieve what they have with only a little bit of work on a regular basis, maybe i don't have to punish myself for not pumping out a finished work every single week.

doing less work per day means you're much less likely to burn out, which does a lot for working more consistently. if that consistency still doesn't look like a five-day work week, that's okay! as long as it helps you work even a little more often when you want to, it's something worth doing.

however, if you're still feeling truly stuck, all hope isn't lost. you can still try:

#2: switch projects

sometimes the reason i'm moving slow is because of a bad brain day, but sometimes the reason is that i just cannot muster the motivation to do the specific task i'm trying to do right now. ADHD is fueled by novelty and interest, and if i'm not interested in what i'm doing, or it's feeling stale, that's a sign that i need to switch gears.

this is why first it's helpful for me to have more than one project going at a time. this might mean completely unrelated works, or it might just mean related tracks as with the music for a game like SLARPG or susan taxpayer.

the idea here is not to start a dozen different projects and bounce around them like i'm playing whac-a-mole—though i have done that. (i don't recommend it.) the idea here is to have a manageable number of different projects i can be working on so that if i get bored or stuck on something, i have fallback options.

what that number of projects is depends entirely on the week. maybe right now it's two, maybe another time it's three. i would probably be getting carried away if i tried more than that, but that's just my own limit. maybe yours is different. that's something for you to think about.

but it doesn't have to stop there.

#3: switch focus

maybe there is this one project that i just HAVE to work on, but the task i'm trying to do at this stage just isn't coming to me. okay, well, why don't i try working on a different task?

let's say i can't figure out what i want to do with the melody in one part of the song:

what if i try jumping ahead to a different part of the melody? ...no, i'm stumped on melodies today. okay, how about working on the drums instead? ...hmm no, i think i'm just completely tapped out on writing parts right now. alright, what if i organized my tracks, making sure they're all grouped and named in a way that i can work with easily? what if i did a rough volume balance for the mix?

and so on. if that's not enough to shake the off stuckness, i might consider: what can i do to make this project more interesting to me?

what happens if i try using an instrument or effect that i almost never reach for? what if i try sampling something obscure? what if i bang out the drums using my midi keyboard instead of drawing it in on the piano roll?

any approach that breaks me out of my usual habits is bound to get that feeling of novelty and fun back when i need it.

or maybe i can't do any of that right now, and so i take the time to answer a question from a fellow musician instead. i consider that part of my work, too, in a broader sense. check in with yourself and figure out what you can do right now. the rest will still be there later.

but okay, let's say you try switching gears, and switching again, and again, and nothing is moving. you try new approaches, but that wall of awful is insurmountable in this moment. it happens! the next thing you might try is:

#4: learn something new

when you aren't able to make progress on your projects, you can still make progress on your knowledge and craft. i often find this stokes a flame of inspiration in me where there wasn't one before. and even when it doesn't, it still gets my brain out of that feeling of stuckness and dread and into one of thought and action. learning also benefits in the long term because it adds to the well of knowledge from which you draw for all your future works.

for all the awfulness that exists on the internet, it remains an absolute treasure trove of teaching. there's an endless ocean of videos, blog posts, and articles from which you might learn something about your craft. (and if you sail the seven seas, plenty of book PDFs as well. 🦜🏴‍☠️)

it's true that the quality and depth of information out there can vary wildly, but in my experience most resources get at least some things right. and the more you research, practice, and figure out what works for you, the better you will learn to differentiate between the advice worth keeping, and the advice to forget. (that goes for all of what i'm saying here, too!)

that said, since our shared focus is music, a few resources i would highly recommend are:

music theory and composition music matters, 12tone, charles cornell, music with myles, 8-bit music theory, and this introduction by andrew huang

mixing and production dan worrall (especially this series for fabfilter), kush after hours, red means recording, andrew huang, alice yalcin efe, in the mix

general inspiration nahre sol, ben levin, david hilowitz, game score fanfare, posy, jerobeam fenderson, open reel ensemble, and ELECTRONICOS FANTASTICOS!

(if any readers have their own helpful resources for creating music or any other media, feel free to share in the replies & reblogs! 💓)

of course, on an especially bad day, it might be a challenge to seek out information, let alone retain it. that can feel pretty bad, but remember: be kind to yourself. the next thing you might consider trying is:

#5: consume art you love

not just music. books. shows. movies. games. illustration. animation. whatever moves and inspires you.

but do it intentionally. don't just pull up some random thing the algorithm suggested! check in with yourself about what you want (or are able) to engage with right now. choose accordingly. if you get a little way into it and realize it's not scratching that itch, hit the bricks. check in with yourself again. wash, rinse, repeat, until you find whatever it is that speaks to you right now.

and do it actively, if you can. don't just let it go in one eye and out the other! really pay attention to the work. what do you like about it? what are its themes and motifs? what makes it work so well? what are its flaws, and how much do they matter? what might you do differently? you can write notes as you do this if it helps, but even simply noticing and thinking goes a long way.

what you don't want to do is come at this with a lens of shame or envy. you're not here just to say to yourself, "ugh, if only i could do THAT." it's okay if it happens. use that thought as a springboard for curiosity: "well okay, how DID they do that? do i have the resources for it? if so, how could i apply that to my own work? if not, how can i adapt it, or what do i need to learn?" keep your mind open and approach the work with a sense of wonder.

as a creative person, it's very easy to think, "i should be making something right now, not watching a movie!" but that thought forgets something vital: your art is a response in a conversation. of course the "language" you use is your own, and maybe if you're lucky you'll invent a new word. but most of the words you use have been around long before you were born. you're just one voice in a dialogue that spans continents and generations, and that's okay. it's even the whole point.

none of us is an island. we are profoundly social animals. just as we can't live without eating, we can't make without learning. so half of making art is consuming it. consider this part of the process as well.

and finally,

#6: rest, and live your life

let's say you're in really dire straits. you've tried working slower. you tried changing focus, you tried changing projects. you want to take in new information or actively engage with your favorite art, but you're not in the headspace for it. what now?

take a nap. take a walk. take a shower. eat a nice meal, or an okay one. talk to a friend. maybe even do that chore you've been putting off (you know the one).

it's human to always crave making, but you're not a machine—and even if you were, machines need regular maintenance, too! you wouldn't drive a car that's completely out of gas, and you won't do yourself any favors treating your body that way either.

i know that when you take a break it feels as though you're not accomplishing anything, but you are: you're taking care of your animal self. and while you do that, your creative brain doesn't stop working! much like windows, it has countless background processes running at any given moment, with inscrutable names like "cbdhsvc_692da" or "Microsoft Edge Update Service." it's true, i checked.

when you're stuck on a project and you step away to rest, your brain is still chipping away at your ideas unconsciously. i like to tell people, "it's percolating." much like waiting for a pot of water to boil, that idea is still heating up, even when you take a step away. just be sure to check in on it once in a while. the time will pass, and it'll be boiling again before long. :)

before i go, i'll leave you with one last thing to keep in mind as you try all of these strategies:

be kind to yourself.

being human is just about one of the hardest things you can do. let alone being a human trying to survive capitalism while living with disabilities! the last thing you need on top of that is to overwork yourself, talk to yourself negatively, or treat yourself harshly. there are plenty of other people in the world who do that to you—don't be one of them.

i'm not saying that you shouldn't try to challenge yourself, to test your limits and go above and beyond your ambitions, if that's what you want to do. just remember that hard work and self compassion are not mutually exclusive. so be careful not to bully yourself. take pride in the progress you make, even when it seems small. encourage yourself like you would a friend who's going through a hard time. and when you challenge yourself, be your own cheerleader.

i hope you find this advice helpful! remember, this is just what helps me, so don't feel like you have to follow any of it exactly. maybe taking time to learn new information helps break you out of your rut more than working slowly, so you reach for that tool first. maybe having multiple projects going at once is too distracting for you, so you prefer to stick to one at a time. whatever your needs are, feel free to alter and adapt these ideas to fit you.

thank you for reading, and i wish you the best of luck in your creating.

with care, bee 🐦

#adhd #advice #asks #from #sourpatchsquids

[fellwhite]

Well

At least it wasn't my fault, right?

Venting again because i have nothing better to do nor anyone to talk to yet (well until monday atleast) so you're warned part 2: electric bogaloo

Using dots (.) As commas (,) since tags don't allow it

#so it wasn't my fault at least.but rather her being the weirdest being to ever exist (and that's coming from me a pretty damn weird person) #basically: it's 100% a mutual thing. the problem? she doesn't want a serious relationship and doesn't want to hurt me #well guess what both things are fucking lies and I don't know if she's trying to lie to others or to herself #1. i know her. she definitely wants a serious relationship and was about to commit with me #2. what she decided to do instead is so much fucking worse and only ends up in a straight up torture for me #she's following the same pattern she's had for years:treats 1 person like heaven for a bit and before it escalates she goes to someone else #which not only ends up hurting a fuck ton of people. but herself as well because again: i know that she truly wants it and is ready #I don't understand it at all #but while i would definitely be in a giant amount of suffering under normal circumstances anyway #what makes it all worse is that now it's one of my friends. one who knew how badly i fell for her #and what did he do? he didn't give a shit. went behind my back and straight up took her on a date 8 days after i did #and again: she doesn't even feel for him what she does for me. it's just the stupid pattern she has and that i doubt i can break #and thus I'm here. just thinking nonstop about what the fuck im supposed to do here #should i murder that traitor? should i speak with her? should i speak with the traitor for atleast some context? #i want to murder that guy. i trusted him and this is my payment. and to make it worse this has happened MANY times in my life #at this point i only genuinely trust a few of my friends like 6 at most #everything is so confusing. stressful. tiring and depressing i want to crawl into a hole and lie there until i die #atleast i basically robbed her best friend now though and she (friend) feels like a friend for life who genuinely cares so that's nice #heck she knows me a lot less than she does the other one yet she still decided to side with me after seeing how unfair this situation is #...so hey I guess it wasn't a total loss (i mean there's a chance still. but it's rather low and I don't know if i even want it anymore) #it hurts however. this isn't a generic crush 'oh my teenage love' i genuinely love her. I would've straight up married her that day- #<-light exaggeration of course but not THAT far from the truth. I've done a lot for her and definitely would've done more if she let me #so this is gonna take a LONG time to get over with. i know that i probably will but it just #...hurts you know? like I can't describe it any better than the raw words like 'pain' or 'aching' can do #love truly is a double sided sword after all. and humans aren't particularly good at wielding them #at this point considering all my romantic failures it would be better if i had just been aromantic or something since the start #would've saved me a lot of stuff (not underestimating what aros go through btw. im sure they go through even worse things) #(but i just really wish i didn't have to deal with romance in general) #and i think that's it for this vent. im tired and i want to sleep it all off. for it'll help to ease the feelings even if just a little #vent

[httpisaoki]

model! ningning x stylist! reader

(part of the billionaire! aespa series)

-> short drabble thingy cuz VERSACE NINGNING SAVE ME?!

you had been her stylist for quite a while now, taking care of her outfits and styling her the way any model could dream for. now, in ning's flirty and confident nature, it wasn't wrong to flirt a little right?

people would notice the look of pure happiness on her face whenever she saw you, hell, even you noticed. maybe she did have a tiny feeling that you were attractive, in her eyes, you were perfect. you had a good reputation, known for your impressive styling, being a former model yourself, you had taught ningning the basics when she was just starting. once she realizes her feelings, she would be in denial. i mean, no one could even reach her standards-- but how did you manage to get her flustered?

after pfw 2024, where she had walked the runway, she came back into the styling room with steam practically over her head. you wondered what got her so stressed, her eyes cold and angry. her mutters of, "That asshole shouldn't have said that," and multiple curses followed by a name, hyunjin. it amused you to think what could have hyunjin, one of her many persistent admirers in the industry, done to make her so upset. As she ranted in a fit of rage, completely forgetting she had an interview in less than 20 minutes, you stood there listening to every word, every emphasis on her anger towards the man. "ningning, deal with him later, okay? I need to get you dressed." you softly said, rubbing her wrist with your thumb as a sign of assurance. in a matter of seconds, her gaze turned soft, almost forgetting why was she so angry.

it was what she liked about you, your calmness, how you managed to make her laugh even if you only saw her for short times.

she nodded, embarrassment in her eyes as she realized that she had been rambling. "yeah, sorry about that." she muttered, a sheepish smile on her lips.

you gave her a look of amusement, chuckling at the sight. seeing her sheepish smile was adorable, and the fact that she had so much trust in you, was better. "it's alright, you just focus on your interview." you softly replied, patting her shoulder.

while you were getting her outfit together, you took the chance to ask her, "so what exactly did hyunjin do that got your blood boiling like that?"

she took a moment to gather her thoughts, before finally answering. "he's just… really annoying, you know? he keeps insisting that I should go out with him, but I keep refusing him. it's getting to the point where he's acting like we're dating to the press,"

she groaned, rubbing the bridge of her nose in frustration. not only was hyunjin one of those persistent suitors, he was getting aggressive with his flirting, which had her blood boiling, and she just needed some way to release it.

you couldn't help but to feel pity for her, hyunjin was a known playboy, and she was clearly tired of him and his antics. the fact he was going so far, just to get the attention of one of the industries most well-known models, was funny.

it was getting him nowhere, and that was a good thing. "why won't he stop? does he really think this is going to get the attention of a girl as famous as you?" you asked with a laugh, trying to lighten the tension a bit.

"he really thinks he has a chance," she replied with a scoff, "he said he's going to take me out on a date after today, and when I said no, he said that the public deserves to know our 'date'." she rolled her eyes, her cheeks slightly flushed in annoyance. "he thinks I'm his girlfriend when I've already told him no multiple times. I just… I really dont know what he's thinking."

you hummed, scoffing at his ego. "I know it must be hard, but you do know that you can always report him to your agency and whatnot?" you give her a comforting smile, leaning closer to your lips before adding some blush onto her face. "he may think that he's all that but it's extremely annoying that he thinks that you'd actually like him." you rolled my eyes, fury in my eyes, making her chuckle.

her lips curved into a smile, she didn't expect you to be so protective over her, not when she was the model and you were the stylist. the fact he was so persistent, and how he had the audacity to call her his girlfriend infuriated her, especially when you were the one styling and taking care of her.

her gaze fell onto your lips, taking a moment to admire them before looking away. in that moment, all those times you helped her were all that kept rushing in her mind. she didn't expect to get infatuated with her stylist, but there she was.

as she stared down, her thoughts became interrupted as she suddenly felt her cheeks burning hot, realizing you had put blush on her. she gave a small giggle, trying to act like she was fine and normal, like you weren't noticing how attractive she was finding you. her heart was pounding as, out of nowhere, a spark of curiosity sparked in her mind. "c-can I tell you something..?" she murmured slowly.

"yes? of course," your reply was quick, wanting to know what she had to say. it may have been her first time asking you permission to say something, and you couldn't help but to feel your heart skip a beat. you could feel heat rise in your cheeks, making it slightly hard to hide a smile. you waited patiently for her to speak.

she paused, taking a moment to really think of how she wanted to say this. her eyes glanced to the side, her cheeks flushing as her heart raced. "what if i told you that i had a confession.." she spoke softly, the words catching in her throat as she struggled to get them out. she couldn't believe she was actually going to confess, especially after months of just ignoring her feelings. her heart was beating out of her chest, all while her mind screamed at her to do it, say it.

ningning hesitates, not sure on what to say, which in her point of view, was getting ridiculous because why was she so nervous? she breaks the silence with a sigh, a slight pause before finally saying:

"what if i told you that i liked you?"

#aoki's works #kpop x reader #aespa x reader #aespa ningning #ningning x reader #ning yizhuo #fluff

[radiant-reid]

Baby Spencer x hotch daughter first meeting maybe? I’d kind of like to think that maybe they had met before or liked each other. Like they go to the same coffee shop and meet there and talk. And he is finally worked up to courage to ask her out and just before he’s going to leave to meet her, she walks in and is introduced as hotch’s daughter.

"Rushing off to see your girlfriend?" Morgan asks with a smirk.

Spencer had thought he made a clean getaway when no one was in the bullpen but he made the mistake of putting his mug in the dishwasher instead of just leaving and Morgan snuck up on him.

"She's not my girlfriend." Spencer denies, blushing guiltily. Maybe one day, he thinks every time at the coffee shop.

"Man, we just got home from a week-long case, you haven't slept in 32 hours, but you're still going to get coffee with her." Morgan reminds him, chuckling slightly at how whipped his friend is.

"It's because I always see her on Sundays," Spencer replies shortly. wanting to get out of there.

Morgan pats him on the back. "Have fun then."

Before Spencer can reply, someone he knows walks through the door, someone he's definitely not expecting to see at the BAU. You.

He's surprised you're here, wondering how you found him, what you need.

And even more to his surprise, Morgan greets you with a hug. "Hey, sweetness, how are you?"

Spencer watches in shock as you hug Morgan back, definitely like you're very friendly with him. Does that mean you knew who Spencer was when you met? Is this some kind of sick, elaborate prank?

"Good." You reply, flashing a quick smile at Spencer that Morgan catches onto and frowns at. "Is he here?"

Morgan seems to know who you're talking about. "Yeah."

"I thought I'd come see him since someone missed our coffee shop date." Your bold wink following the statement has Spencer blushing like crazy. Then you're gone, walking away from the boys.

Morgan's eyebrows raise and he turns to look at Spencer. "That's coffee shop girl!?" He explains, even before you're out of earshot.

"Who is she?" Spencer asks back.

"Hotch's daughter, how did you not know that?" Morgan fills Spencer in on information that has him seriously alarmed.

He's been dating Hotch's daughter!? Jack's young enough that he assumed Hotch's other child was less than ten years older and away at boarding school or something, not an adult in DC that he's been unknowingly building a relationship with.

And his crush is far too big to let go of now.

Morgan's laughing next to him. "Oh, that's too good."

"What am I going to do?" Spencer repeats the question running through his head.

"Ask her out," Morgan says with a shrug. "It just means one day, Hotch will be your father-in-law."

That's a terrifying thought to Spencer, not marrying you but having Hotch related to him, even if it is just through marriage.

He stresses about what to do in the corridor rather than going home or sitting in the bullpen where he's within your line of sight. He's not sure whether it's going to be a good thing or not, but only a few minutes later, you come through the glass doors. Thankfully, you're without your father.

"Hey." You say awkwardly, coming to stand in front of him. "I hope you know I was joking with the coffee shop comment."

Spencer nods. "Did you know who I was?" He asks the question that's been burning in his mind. He's not sure which is the worse option.

"No." You assure him. "I didn't even consider it." Neither of you had spoken about your jobs much, and all Spencer had really said is that he travels for work often. "I'm sorry I never told you my last name."

"It's okay," Spencer shakes his head. "It's nice to see you."

You beam back. "It's nice to see you too."

"Do you want to get coffee?" He finally asks, unsure where the confidence came from. It's a big leap of faith, but he's relatively sure Hotch can't fire him over it. "If it's okay for me to ask you out romantically."

It definetly wasn't what you were expecting but you nod eagerly. "I'd love that."

#spencer reid #criminal minds #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x you #spencer reid blurb #spencer reid x y/n

[wraithlafitte]

heating pad - sam winchester

Summary: Sam takes care of you when you get your period for the first time in a long time.

CONTENT: talk of periods, feminine products, infertility. fluff! romantic tension!sam. sam is a sweet guy who does what you need without being embarrassed or you needing to ask.

Word count: 1k (est. reading time 7 mins.)

A/N: my first posted fic!

You get up from the rickety motel bed stiffly, cracking your back. You had been hunched over doing research on your laptop for hours, and it was time to take a break.

Sam looks up at you from the chair in the corner of the room, mouth quirked up in a smile. "You ok?"

"Yeah," you groan, massaging your lower back. "Still stiff from sleeping on the ground last week, I guess."

You feel a ghost pang of pain in your stomach and your hands move to the front to hold it. The pain feels oddly familiar....

"Fuck." You quickly walk into the bathroom and shut the door, plopping down on the toilet to check.

The red on the toilet paper confirms it. Your period has started. But how? You haven't gotten your period in years, and your doctor told you that you were sterile. He couldn't explain why, but you recalled a certain monster-fighting incident that had involved several deep blows to your abdomen.

"Hey, Y/N?" Sam calls through the door. "You ok in there?"

You redress yourself and yank open the door, looking royally pissed. Sam draws back a little but still looks concerned.

"My period started," you tell him grumpily. "And I don't have anything."

"Anything like wh- oh." Without hesitating, he says "Sit tight, okay? I'll go see if the motel's store has anything."

"Thanks," you groan, making your way back to the bed.

Within minutes, Sam returns with a small box of pads. "This is all they had," he says, tossing it to you.

You take them and go back to the bathroom to take care of it, emerging slightly less stressed-looking than before.

Sam rummages through one of his bags.

"What are you looking for?" you ask.

"This," he replies, triumphantly holding up a heating pad. "I keep it to help my back when it's sore from a fight. Thought you might need it."

You make your way to your own bag, pulling out your bottle of ibuprofen and tossing a couple in your mouth. "Yeah, thanks. I forgot how much period cramps hurt." You grimace, illustrating your point.

Sam beckons you to your bed, fluffing the pillows and plugging in the heating pad. You flop into the nest gratefully, allowing him to place the heating pad on your stomach.

"What do you mean, you forgot?" He looks at you quizzically. "Don't you get reminded every month?" He has a twinkle in his eye and you know he's teasing, but you frown, reminded of your own questions.

"That's the weird part, Sam." You cringe with another pang and sigh, leaning against the crappy headboard. "I haven't had my period for maybe five years minimum. I'm supposedly sterile."

"Huh," he says, joining you in your frown. "Hold on." A thought seems to occur to him and he gets up, returning to the chair where he had been reading. He picks up the book he had been reading and flips a few pages back, furrowing his brow as he scans the page.

"Aha! Knew it." Sam rushes back to your side, eager to share his findings. He sits beside you on the bed and holds out the book, which is open to a page about a familiar-looking flower.

"Remember that flower we found in the cave?" he asks, referencing your last hunt, which had taken you up a mountain in search of a creature that had been spotted by campers. You remember how it destroyed your tents and forced you to take shelter in a small cave.

"Yeah," you say slowly. "The one you said not to touch because it makes you aroused. The one witches use in love spells."

"Right," he says excitedly. "Well, I was reading about it because I was trying to see if that was its natural habitat, and I found something else. Apparently this flower doesn't just make you horny, its spores also increase fertility like, dramatically."

You squint at the place he's pointing at in the book. "So, theoretically, if it was mating season for these plants, and their spores were in the air, and I came into contact with them—"

"Inhaled them," Sam corrects. You crinkle your nose at the thought.

"Whatever. It can revive my ovaries?" you ask incredulously.

"Well, there's no actual evidence of this happening, at least not in the books I read. But I do know that witches use it in fertility spells as well." He snaps the book closed. "Mystery solved if you ask me."

You sigh dramatically, closing your eyes. "Just my luck." You stretch forward, groaning. "God, I'm stiff," you complain. "And my back aches from these stupid cramps."

"Here." Sam taps your back, prompting you to scoot forward a little. He moves to sit behind you, legs on either side of your hips, and begins gently massaging your lower back. "Feel okay?" he checks.

"Yes," you reply, groaning from the ache. "Thanks." You lean into him a little, relishing the feeling of his strong hands gently working out the knots in your back. He makes his way up and down, giving care and attention to all your sore muscles. When he reaches your neck, you wince and scrunch up.

"That tickles," you say, giggling involuntarily.

Sam laughs a little. "Sorry." His hands drop down to your waist, encircling you in a hug. He rests his chin on your shoulder. "Feel a little better?"

"Yeah, thanks." You smile contentedly.

Sam leans back against the pillows, taking you with him. His hand lands on your stomach, weighing down the heating pad so the heat permeates your skin more. The feeling of his warmth at your back also eases your pain a little bit. You settle into him comfortably and lay your hand over his, lacing your fingers between his.

You feel him smile into your hair.

"I'm sorry you're not feeling well, Y/N," he says, real sympathy in his voice. "Not fun to be sick on a hunt."

You turn your head to look up at him. His warm hazel eyes gaze down at you, and you swear you see a dash of affection in them.

"I think I'll be okay."

divider by @saradika

#supernatural #spn #supernatural fanfiction #spn fanfic #sam winchester #sam winchester x reader #sam winchester x you #supernatural x reader #reader insert #sam winchester fanfiction #spn fluff #userwraith

[t-r99]

Obsessed

Oliver loves you so much, why can't you see that?

Oliver Aiku x fem reader

College au

Aiku is lowkey a lunatic (completey delusional & unhinged)

warnings: stalking, mental torture, manipulation, deception, gaslightning, coercion || anxiety, paranoia, brief panic attack || dub con bordering on non con (blink and you miss it brief and tame smut at the end *whispers* spooning)

This was supposed to be pure porn but I changed my mind. It did not turn out the way I wanted.

Quick background: mc is being stalked by someone who keeps texting and sending pictures and has been for weeks.

Given that this is a blue lock fic, all of readers friends are guys heh.

wc: 10k

God, why did I stay so long? You think. You usually don't stay at the library for this long, preferring to quickly find the books you need in the moment then leave.

Staying this long means you'll walk home well after sunset. Hours after sunset means it's dark. Darkness means it's easier to follow people. Following someone walking alone means-

I'm overthinking again. You sigh.

This is torture.

It's been a few days since the last text you received. You can't help but to open your phone several times a day and read all the shit the person has sent in the past few weeks, hoping to figure out who they are.

It feels like you're being watched.

You take in every last little detail of your surroundings.

A few people are out and walking who knows where, some of them familiar. You've seen them at school.

Almost home, You tell yourself. The apartment building you call home is less than a minute away.

You turn to look behind you, but no one is following you like you thought . . . and it feels like you're going crazy.

At this point, you expect a text from another unknown ID welcoming you home. The guy on the other side does it sometimes. It's bad enough that he knows which building you live in, you just hope he doesn't know which apartment is yours. You may as well dig your own grave if he does.

The elevator feels suffocating when you step in. You're alone but you keep expecting it to stop before it reaches your floor and that someone else will step in.

What if he steps in? What if you end up alone in this tiny little box with your worst nightmare and-

Ding.

You gasp at the sound, only staying still for a half a second before stepping out.

Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. What if he's is behind you? What if he's waiting for you to open the door so he can push you in and trap you?

You turn around, heart pounding.

There's no one there.

Just as you unlock your door, another opens a few steps away and you hear familiar voices. Out of the other apartment steps Aiku, and then you see Otoya, they're saying bye for tonight. It's the latter's apartment, you remember.

Aiku spots you but you look away and ignore him. You know them both, not that you particularly like them or enjoy their company, it's just that you share the same friends. You almost wish you were actually being followed for a second so Otoya and Aiku could beat the guy senseless.

Otoya pops his head out the doorframe and asks if you're okay when he sees that you're stressed.

Ignoring them both, you step inside and close the door behind you.

Home.

You're home.

I'm home, You tell yourself, repeating it iver and over for a few seconds.

There's a knock on the door and your heart almost leaps out of your chest.

It's him, it's him, it's him, it's hi-

You hear a familiar voice call your name, followed by, "Everything okay?" It's Aiku.

You gulp and take a deep breath before cracking the door just enough to see his face. Otoya is standing behind him and asks, "Something happen?"

"I'm fine, I," You gulp again, feeling lightheaded. "I just need some rest."

"Sure?" Aiku asks. "You look a bit pale."

"I'm fine, I promise." You insist. "I'm going to bed."

"'kaaay," Otoya gives a peace sign. "night."

You close the door and take a moment to try to calm yourself.

*

Outside, Otoya strains to not laugh out loud. He can't help it, though, forced to slap a hand against his mouth to muffle the sound of his amused giggling.

Aiku hushes him and smirks. "Shut up, you'll ruin everything." He says.

"Seriously, dude, why do you even bother at this point?"

Who knows? Maybe Oliver has gotten a bit obsessed. He won't give up until he gets what he wants, and he wants you.

Aiku doesn't just want sex. He wants you.

"It'll be worth it." He says.

Sure, you don't want him yet, but you will soon.

*

You feel a bit better after a long and warm shower, not a lot, but at least it's something.

You haven't eaten. Honestly, you can't find it in you to eat these days. Sometimes two or even three days pass before you realize you're starving. You've been losing weight for weeks, and looking in the mirror now you see just how much it has affected you.

Aiku was right, you're pale.

Look at me. You feel disgusted by the sight.

It takes you a few moments to force yourself to look away and leave the bathroom to go get dressed. Despite living several floors above the ground, with no buildings facing your bedroom window, you still feel the need to pull the curtain to hide.

What if he is watching? It's impossible to know.

You quickly get dressed, not comfortable with being naked even in your own bedroom with the windows covered, and then it happens again.

Two quick vibrations, the sound of a text, make your heart stop for a second.

Again, two vibrations.

Another two . . .

That's three texts.

Your hand shakes as you reach out for the phone that you honestly just want to smash up. You want to throw away all your electronics and find a cave out in the wilderness to hide in so no one will ever be able to contact you again.

The first one says exactly what you expect, Welcome home.

He was watching you walk home.

You shouldn't be out alone in the dark, it's dangerous. The second text is almost funny.

The third makes your blood run cold, Don't worry. I'll protect you.

When will this end?

While you're holding the phone, he sends a picture. This is the fourth time he's done this exact thing, having written, I don't know where you live. Maybe I should come in and knock on every door until I find yours.

It's a picture of the entrance to the building.

There's a knock on your apartment door.

. . . No.

You dare not move.

Should you look through the peephole? What if it's him and you finally get to see who it is? It could be someone you know, or maybe a complete stranger.

Another knock.

Go away. You want to scream. You want to yell at him to leave you alone.

No more knocks follow.

You don't know how long you stand frozen in your spot, taking slow breaths and standing as still and as quietly as you can.

Only when your feet hurt from standing there for so long do you finally snap out of it. You take your phone and set it to airplane mode, and you lock yourself in the bathroom.

There you remain until morning.

Of course you don't sleep.

You think about calling a friend to come over so you won't have to walk to school alone, or maybe you should just skip today and stay home.

Please . . . You curl up in the corner and sob. I can't take it anymore.

It feels like an eternity has passed when you leave the bathroom.

Staying home felt like the best thing to do. At least he doesn't know which apartment is yours so you can just stay in and not go out where he can spot and follow you again.

Your phone is still on airplane mode and you contemplate turning the function off. Will you only find texts from your friends asking why you didn't show up today or will you get more messages from him?

I'm hungry. You didn't eat last night.

There's very little in your kitchen and your heart sinks when you realize you have to go get some groceries soon.

There's a knock . . .

You gasp at the sound and turn to look at the door. It's the middle of the day so there's no way it's him. He only fucks with you after dark so-

Another knock.

You faintly hear someone call your name. "It's Otoya, you okay in there?"

That's a relief.

The front door cracks open and you look up at him. Otoya rarely shows much emotion on his face but you actually see some worry in his eyes. "Everything okay? You didn't show up at school."

You gulp. "I don't . . . feel very well." Your voice is hoarse and your throat feels rough, itching as you speak.

"I noticed last night. I just wanted to make sure you were all right so I knocked but you didn't answer."

Oh, it was him? It was just Otoya, not the guy on the other end of the phone. "Sorry," You say quietly. "I must've fallen asleep." You lie.

"No worries. Just come over if you ever need anything, yeah?"

"Yeah." You murmur. "Thanks."

You wonder just how messed up you look if it's enough to make Otoya of all people worry.

I'm going crazy. You close the door and sniffle, eyes welling with tears.

A few quiet days pass and it is actually nerve wracking. Normally you would be happy, no texts, no paranoia and the feeling of being watched, but after those texts and the picture of the building entrance you just can't relax.

It feels like the calm before the storm.

You can't shake off the feeling that you're being watched everywhere you go, on campus, on the road, sometimes even when you're at home, feeling the need to check every inch of the apartment multiple times a day to make sure you're actually alone.

"You okay? You've been staring at the textbook forever." Chigiri's voice pulls you from your thoughts.

"Hm?"

He looks worried. Everyone has been worried about you lately, it makes you feel hopeless and pathetic. "More stalker texts?"

You shake your head. "Not for a few days." Your voice is small, heavy with sleep deprivation. "But everytime someone calls or texts or," Just talking about this makes you nauseous. "whenever someone knocks on my door I don't know what to think."

Before Chigiri can say anything else, a few of the other guys show up. Isagi comes and reminds him that they have training soon.

Why does it feel like all eyes are on you?

You're uncomfortable.

"I think I'll go home." You say. Before it gets dark.

"Sure you'll be okay on your own?" Chigiri asks.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's fine." You clear your throat and close your textbook. "I'm fine." You insist.

Keeping your gaze down, you ignore everyone and mutter a quick bye, missing the way a pair of dual coloured eyes watch you walk away.

Thank goodness that the sun is still high in the sky as you walk home.

Is this to be your new normal? Are you supposed to live the rest of your life in a constant state of panic?

Still no texts. No creepy pictures of your building. No knocking on the door. To be fair, it was Otoya, not some creepy lunatic of a stalker.

You sit down on your bed with a defeated bed then fall back.

"I hate this." You whisper.

It's been a week since the night you spent terrified in the bathroom. He has still not sent anything, and for once you're actually in a better mood. Maybe he got bored of me, You think, and you truly hope that that's the case.

The days are growing shorter and colder. Winter is right around the corner and you wonder how you'll feel once it starts getting dark outside earlier. Your mind drifts back to the text that said, You shouldn't be out alone in the dark, it's dangerous.

Yeah, it can be dangerous alright. You haven't felt safe in a long time thanks to the bastard.

You're getting ready to eat, reaching up to the cabinet to grab a plate when there's a knock on the door.

Is it him?

Fuck, what if it is?

No, nothing has happened lately, You tell yourself.

More knocking . . .

You set the plate down on the counter and go to the door, wondering if it's one of your friends. Quite a few of them live in the same building, cheap and close to campus.

Upon opening the door, you find that there's no one there.

Oh, God . . .

Fuck. Shit, shit, fuck.

Your phone vibrates and the sound makes you jump.

You don't want to check it.

No.

Damn it.

When will this stop?

*

It's kind of funny. Otoya peers over Aiku's shoulder and cracks up. "Dude, you'll end up giving the chick a heart attack one day."

What Oliver wants is to be there when you need someone and be the one you lean on for emotional support. He'll have you depending on him in no time. "Hey, you told her to come over if she needs help, right?"

"Uh huh."

Aiku hopes you'll do it now. He's going at this pretty hard and doubts you'll stay alone in your apartment when you think your stalker is in the building. Everyone you know in the building live on other floors while Otoya's apartment is the only one close to yours. Come on, doll, don't disappoint me now.

Oliver wants to jump and pump his fist in success when he hears a knock on Otoya's door. He stays on the couch while his friend goes to open, hearing him say, "Hey, you okay?"

Aiku gets off the couch and goes to the hall where you're standing right outside. You're trying to keep yourself calm but he can see panic in your eyes, those beautiful eyes that should be on him and only him. "Have, uhm . . ." You close your eyes and take a deep breath. "Have you heard anyone outside?"

"No, why?" Otoya feigns ignorance. "Are you sure you're okay? You're shaking."

Oliver almost feels bad, but he just needs to make sure his plan works. If everything ends up working out then he's only a few days away from being able to call you his and hold and comfort you. "Stalker again?" He asks.

Aiku doesn't like using that word. It makes him feel like a creep. He's not a creep, he just wants you to be his but you're not making it easy for him.

Your only reply is a small nod.

Otoya steps aside. "Okay, come on. Come in." He urges you to step inside and you're more than happy to. "What happened this time? Did he text again?"

"I- I think he . . . I think he's i- in the building."

Oh, you poor thing.

Oliver tells you to sit down on the couch. You're holding your phone, clutching it tightly.

He doesn't need to give Otoya a look that silently asks him to help out. His friend already knows what to do while Oliver talks to you and tries to calm you down.

Your mind is racing with a million questions, but it goes blank when your phone vibrates in your hand and you look down at it in terror, too scared to check the text.

Oliver looks down at it. "Here, let me." He offers. Your hand is shaking when he takes it from you. "It's okay, I got you." He takes your hand in his and rubs soothing circles on the back. What did Otoya text, he wonders.

Aiku wants to laugh when he reads it. It includes the number of Otoya's apartment, followed by, Is this your place? I can hear your pretty voice coming from inside.

Damn, he really couldn't have asked for a better bro.

"What . . . What does . . ."

Oliver hushes you gently and locks the phone instead of showing you. "It's okay, we'll deal with the guy."

Otoya steps behind the couch. "What's up?"

"You want to check if there's anyone in the hall?" Oliver asks. He's still holding your hand.

"I got it." Otoya gives a thumbs up and heads out. You want to tell him to stay inside, scared that the stalker might be dangerous, but your voice gets caught in your throat.

"Hey, it's okay." Oliver says softly. "Everything will be okay." He lets go of your hand and puts his arm around you instead when you exhale shakily and sob hopelessly.

You're just tired at this point. The past several weeks have left you so paranoid and terrified that you can't sleep. You don't eat, barely drink, you struggle to take care of yourself. It's beyond tiring. "I'm scared . . ." You whisper.

Oliver holds you close. He feels all warm inside like this, loving the feeling of your smaller body in his embrace like he's wanted for so long. He looks down at where your cheek is pressed against his chest and put his other arm around you comfortingly.

You're his.

You don't know it yet but you are his.

*

I fell asleep . . . Your eyes flutter partially open. You wonder when you did, and how you even managed to given how scared you were. How scared you still are.

A pair of arms are around you. You open your eyes further and see that you're in an apartment you don't recognize, then you look up and see that you're being held by a sleeping Aiku, and you remember that you're in Otoya's apartment.

You don't exactly dislike the two, it's just that you don't like their womanizing and their attitudes. Who would have ever thought that you would go to Otoya's place in a panic and be comforted by Aiku of all people?

Oliver wakes up when you move in his arms. "Hey," He clears his throat and blinks. "Hey, you feel any better?"

A tiny bit maybe. "I guess." You say in a small voice. You still don't want to go back to your own apartment where you'll just end up hiding in the bathroom at the sound of your phone receiving a text or a knock on your door.

Aiku can easily see that you're still shaken up and he hopes you'll let him hold you like this even longer.

You exhale shakily. "I don't want to be alone . . ."

"You're not alone, I got you." He rubs your back gently.

It feels nice . . . "Thank you." You whisper, relaxing further against him.

Oliver bites his bottom lip and smiles. You're starting to warm up to him, it's perfect.

It's been a few days and you can't stop thinking about that night. Otoya didn't find anyone in the hallway so you still have no idea who he is, but the one thing you can't stop thinking about is how comforting it was to be held by Aiku.

You feel ridiculous for it, even more so whenever you see him and feel your cheeks heat up.

He asks how you're doing everyday now and if anything else has happened since that night.

It's embarrassing how you almost immediately relaxed so much you actually fell asleep in his arms back then and it makes you want to avoid him.

Oliver hates that. He was so happy to have finally managed to push you to him for support, but now you don't talk to him other than short answers where you tell him you're doing okay whenever he asks, and he can't stand it.

He hates having to scare you so much. Why are you being so stubborn? Why do you try to hide how much it affects you? All you're doing is forcing his hand at this point. Why won't you just let him in?

He contemplates sending a text or two or maybe a picture of your apartment building. Those don't usually do much, though. Aiku exhales heavily as he tries to think of something more effective.

The door knocking was enough to get you to go to Otoya's apartment, but no more than that.

What to do? What to do?

Oliver doesn't want to threaten you. He doesn't want to scare you like that. You're his special girl, after all.

What to do?

*

It's gotten dark, You think grimly.

Classes are done for the day and now you're forced to walk home in the dark. The boys have training in a bit so you can't walk back to the student apartments with any of them, and all your other friends live in the opposite direction. It would be rude to ask someone to accompany you home and in turn force them to walk twice as far back to their own place.

Damn bastard.

Your phone vibrates in your pocket and you pick it up.

The colour drains from your face when you unlock it and open the text you've received, a picture of you right this moment.

The picture has been taken from your left. You turn in a flash to see if you can spot the stalker, but you only see your peers. Some are standing in groups and talking to their friends, others are looking down at their phones as they're leaving for the day.

Who is it?

Who could it be?

Where is he?

"Hey,"

You spin around with a sharp gasp at the feeling of someone touching your arm.

"Shit, did something happen?" It's just Aiku. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you." He steps back to give you space. "What happened?"

You're breathing too fast for comfort now, unable to speak. All you manage to do is point in the direction behind you and look down at your phone.

"Again? What the hell does the guy want now? Show me."

Hands shaking, you take a moment to unlock your phone and open your texts. Aiku takes your phone and reads the message from the No Caller ID that says, You look really good today. He open the picture and takes a sharp breath.

"Sick fuck." He spits. "Hey, don't look down at it. Look at me." He holds your shoulder. "Look at me. It's okay, I'm right here. You're not alone now, okay?"

You're not alone.

Aiku is with you right now and that brings you comfort.

"'m scared . . ."

"I know," He says softly. "I know. Everything will be okay, we'll figure out who the guy is."

You've lost any hope of that happening.

"Hey, come on, I'll walk you home, yeah?"

You gulp. "B- But . . . practice . . ."

"It's fine. I can skip this one time. You shouldn't be alone right now."

You only nod at that, grateful to not be on your own. Having Aiku walk next you makes you feel safer than you have in months, but you honestly feel guilty about all this and want to apologize for having go through all this trouble just because you're too scared to do anything on your own.

"How you holdin' up?"

You look down at the ground as you keep walking. "I'm sorry."

"Huh?" Oliver turns to you. "What for?"

"For . . . all this."

Why are you apologizing? You have nothing to be sorry for. "What, for being scared?" Aiku asks. "For needing help? I'd be surprised if you weren't scared. Everyone needs support sometimes, it's nothing to be ashamed of."

You're fighting back tears. "But I . . . I- I shouldn't need to be walked home like this."

Oliver frowns at that. Does that mean you don't want him there? You're really not making this easy for him. "It's okay, I don't mind."

You finally look up and turn to him, eyes glossy with unshed tears. Aiku wonders if you'll let him wipe them from your cheeks if they fall. He would love nothing more than to comfort you like a man and hold you close. He can't even begin to imagine how good it would feel.

When you turn away from him to look ahead again, Oliver carefully takes his phone and does his utmost to make sure you don't spot it.

He sets his caller ID to hidden and types away . . .

You're startled by the feeling of your phone vibrating. You've grown to hate it. Most of the time it signals a text from a hidden number from your nightmares.

You read the text. It sends chills down your spine. Got a boyfriend, huh? Did you forget about me, sweetheart? It says.

You freeze in your tracks and Aiku stops a step later.

"You good?"

No. No you're not.

You simply hold the screen out for him to read. Aiku puts a hand on your shoulder and pulls you closer to him. You look up at his hard face, he's looking all around you. "Damn psycho." He mutters harshly. "Come on, let's hurry."

He doesn't need to tell you twice.

Terrified out of your mind, you reach both hands out and hold his arm for safety. It's not much, but it does make you feel a bit better.

Oliver swears his heart skips a few beats at that. He has to use all his strength to restrain himself. Fuck, you're killing him with how long this is taking.

He stays by your side all the way up to your apartment, and there you find it impossible to let go of his arm. "Will you be okay from now on?"

Of course you won't. You shake your head in reply.

"You know," He feels warm. "I could stay over and make sure nothing happens until tomorrow. And Otoya will go home soon enough, I'll call for him if something does happen."

You really don't want to be alone. "I . . . You don't have to."

Sure, you might be saying that, but your body leans even closer against his and you let out a shaky breath.

"I'm staying." Oliver says. It's not a question. "I can't leave when you're this shaken up."

Maybe Aiku can finally scare the stalker away. "Okay . . ." You truly hope he can because this is getting ridiculous and you're exhausted.

Once he's inside, Oliver wants to yell out in triumph at how easy it was to get you to agree. Only a few more days and he won't have to keep at it. All you need to do is let him all the way in and he can put the whole thing to rest and enjoy you.

Your apartment is cute, just like you are. Oliver could stay here forever, and if his plan succeeds then he might just be able to.

*

Oliver decides not to send anything for now. He hates scaring you so much, and you were pretty shaken up on the walk to your apartment. It wouldn't hurt to prepare in advance, though.

You're currently taking a quick shower.

Aiku steps into your bedroom and takes a deep breath. He's never felt like this before.

He listens carefully to make sure the shower is still on.

Only a few minutes later, you step out of the bathroom with no idea of where Oliver went just minutes prior. He's still on the sofa and watching tv, just as he was when you left to shower.

Strangely enough, you don't feel uncomfortable with him there. Only a few months ago you would have rather drank acid than let him into your home, but now his presence puts you at ease.

He notices you and offers a smile. "Feel any better?"

"Yeah, a bit." You say softly.

Oliver exhales slowly when you turn around to go to the kitchen. You really are the prettiest girl he's ever seen. He can't stop thinking about what you look like under your clothes and how pretty you would luck under him.

You're his beautiful girl. He's counting the seconds to when he can finally say it outloud.

"Do you want anything to eat or drink?" You ask.

"Nah, I'm fine." Oliver shakes his head.

What he wants is you.

Earlier, he decided to give you a few days of peace, but now he wants to send only one text. If you get anxious again then he can be there and hold you and help you calm down.

You drink some water and take a moment to think about everything. You're lucky to have friends who care, even when you insist you're okay on your own. Even Aiku of all people is going out of his way to make sure you're not alone.

It's actually not as awkward as you thought it would be. He doesn't annoy or pester you with endless questions, instead talking to you about other things in an effort to get your mind off things.

It works, for some time.

"Are you sure about staying? I feel like I'm just inconveniencing you."

Once again, Oliver thinks you don't want him there and he feels like he's been punched in the gut. "If it helps you feel any safer, I'm more than happy to." He says. Oliver won't let you push him away now that he's so close to getting what he wants.

It's getting late.

You've brought a pillow and covers for him sleep on the sofa, and for the third time today your phone receives a text from a hidden caller ID.

It's a short text that reads, Good night, pretty girl. Sweet dreams.

Oliver frowns next to you when you tense up. "What is it? Show me."

When will it end?

He takes your phone from you and set it down on the table in front of the sofa. "The guy better pray I never find him." He mutters quietly. "Okay, c'mere, I got you." He puts an arm around your shoulders and pulls you close.

You're even more grateful to have him there now. If you were alone you would probably lock yourself in the bathroom and cry your eyes out again. "I can't take it anymore . . ." You whimper into his chest.

Oliver hushes you softly and puts his hand on the back of your head. He leans back against the sofa and pulls you with him, now rubbing your back soothingly. It feels so good to hold you like this, he can't get enough of it.

This feels oddly calming.

Like this, all you hear is the sound of his steady heartbeat. It's soothing, helping you relax with each soft thump.

You finally manage to slow your breathing down and sigh, going limp against him. "Thank you . . ."

Oliver smiles down at you and combs his fingers through your soft hair. "Close your eyes," He says softly. "I got you."

You wake up the next morning and find that you're still in Oliver's arms. He has pulled the covers over you and is awake, running his fingers through your hair.

When he notices that you've woken up, he smiles softly. "Hey there, how do you feel?"

You want to die.

Death would be preferable to being constantly watched by some lunatic out there.

You close your eyes again. "I'm tired." You whisper. Tired of being scared, tired of constantly looking over your shoulder, tired of feeling helpless.

"Sleep well?"

The feeling of him playing with your hair is a nice one. It's weird to see such a soft side of Aiku when you've known him for a while and seen his goofier side with your shared friends. "Yeah," You mumble. "thank you."

Oliver is loving this.

Strangely enough, the following several days are quiet.

Neither of you actually agreed to it outloud, but Aiku now accompanies you on your walk home from campus everyday and it becomes a routine. If he's busy with practice or has classes after yours have all ended then you wait, and it feels nice to have him walk by your side.

You get suspicious when you don't receive any texts from the stalker, wondering when he'll send you something again and what the text will say. Ever since Oliver stayed over that night it's been radio silence.

Your friends are just as confused by the lack of texts and a few are hopeful that it means the stalker just grew tired of tormenting you, the rest are worried about what he'll send in the future.

"Bitch ass." You mumble to yourself. You hate the guy more than anything and you wish the worst for him.

It's the weekend and you've been studying ever since you came home from school.

Your phone vibrates next to you but it's not from the stalker, it's Oliver calling you.

Never in a million years would you have ever thought that seeing Aiku's contact calling you would make you feel all warm inside.

He's asking how you're doing and if everything's okay.

"Everything's fine," You say. "I try not to think about all that now that it's quiet."

"Fucking finally. Let's just hope nothing happens."

"Yeah." You sigh. "I think I'll go to bed, I'm getting tired. Thank you for being there."

"You don't need to thank me, doll, I'm happy to help." Oliver says. "I didn't want to bother by coming over, but I'm at Sendou's and getting ready to leave. He lives two floors below you."

While he talks, your phone quickly vibrates in your hand and you quickly set it on speaker to check the text you've received. It makes you jump in your seat and quickly turn around to look around in the room.

Oliver hears you shuffling around as you stand up and storm out of your bedroom to turn all the lights in your apartment. He asks if you're okay but you don't hear his voice in this state.

He is there.

He's there, he's in there, he's in your apartment.

He's watching you, you can feel it.

It feels like he'll pop out and grab you any second now.

I can't breathe. Your head feels light, like everything is spinning. I can't breathe. I can't breathe.

You drop your phone and try to reach the door instead. You can't stay in there, not when he is in the apartment and watching you.

Suddenly there's loud knocking on your door and you almost scream when the sound startles you.

Is he outside or inside right now? Is he in the apartment or knocking on the door to get in?

Where is he? Where?

You hear your name being called.

The voice is familiar.

It takes you a few seconds to find the strength to stand up and reach the door, your hands shaking as you try to unlock it.

A few seconds pass and you look behind you, vision blurry and cheeks wet with tears.

There's no one behind you.

Where is he?

Finally unlocking the door, you fling it open and find Aiku and Sendou standing outside and looking worried. Oliver reaches out to hold your shoulders but you step forward instead and cling to him as your legs go weak and give out.

"Hey, hey, what happened? What's going on?" Oliver quickly asks. "What's wrong?"

"H- Here . . . Here . . . He- He's here . . ." You can't breathe. You can't breathe.

Oliver hold you close and hushes you by your ear.

You hear Sendou walking down the hall and knock on a door. It opens, Otoya, and Sendou tells him to follow. They enter your apartment while Oliver sits down on the hallway floor with you in his arms. "Easy now, I got you. I got you, you're safe, I'm right here." Oliver says softly.

You sob into his chest, terrified.

"There's no one in there." You hear Sendou's voice. "Here. Look." He shows Oliver the text on your phone that's still unlocked.

You've got a nice apartment. I really like your bedroom. It's cute.

Sendou doesn't know what Oliver has been up to these past few months. No one except for Otoya does.

"Hear that?" Oliver looks down at where you're still sobbing into his chest. "There's no one in there."

That doesn't make you feel any better. You don't want to go back inside your apartment, you don't want to stay and sleep there. You shake your head and whimper, fisting his shirt at the mere thought of going back inside. Oliver hushes you again and puts a hand on the back of your head.

Sendou says, "I don't think it's a good idea for her to stay here right now." Oliver knows that Sendou genuinely worried about you, but he has no idea just how long Aiku has waited for this.

"How about staying at my place tonight?" Oliver ask in a gentle voice. "How's that sound?"

You only nod in response.

*

It still feels like you're being watched, you can't shake the feeling. It has you holding Oliver's hand while you walk and clinging to him desperately for safety. You're outside his apartment and feel the need to look behind you to check the hallway while he unlocks the door. "It's okay, I won't let anything happen to you." He squeezes your hand and leads you in. He closes the door and immediately turns to you, pulling you in for a hug. "You're safe here. Nothing will happen to you."

You haven't said a word since leaving your building.

"Come on, doll, let's get you to bed." He pulls back and cups your flushed cheeks where fresh tears have started running, brushing his thumbs over your cheeks gently to wipe them.

Being able to finally call you his is just within arm's reach.

"Oliver . . ."

Fuck, you're killing him.

He leans his forehead against yours, still caressing your cheeks. "I'm right here." Oliver whispers. He pulls you into another hug and waits for you to lean further against him. You even put your arms around his neck which is more than he could have asked for in the moment. "C'mere," He doesn't waste any time, moving an arm down to pick you up and hold you close. "I got you."

You keep your arms around him and your face hidden in the crook of his neck as he carries you through his apartment, only looking up when you feel something soft beneath you.

It's his bed, but you don't want to be alone right now.

Just as Oliver goes to lean back from you, you tighten your arms around him, whimpering out a desperate, "Please don't leave me."

Shit, shit, shit. Oliver is sure he's going to die now.

"You sure?" He asks, voice low.

"Please . . ." You whisper.

Oh, this is fucking perfect. This is much better than Aiku expected.

Oliver lets you lie down on his bed, and he doesn't know how to handle the view of you down there, then gets down next to you. He lets you rest your head on his arm, putting the other around your smaller frame and pulling you into his chest where you instantly close your eyes and sigh in relief. "Try to get some sleep now. You're safe here." He whispers.

"Thank you, Oliver."

He's so close to finally getting what he wants in life. What he needs.

You're my beautiful girl, Oliver thinks and smiles down at you. You look so pretty like this, eyes closed and features soft and relaxed. Aiku has finally managed to turn himself into your safe space.

"Oliver . . ."

He moves his hand up to brush away the hair that covers your beautiful face. "Yeah?"

You open your eyes to look at his, dual coloured and mesmerizing. "I'm . . . I'm so scared these days."

For a moment, Oliver feels conflicted. He just wanted this, to be the one you will always seek out and rely on, but he also wonders if he's taken things too far. Seeing your pretty eyes all teary like this is breaking his heart, but he's more than happy to help you heal from this and build you back up again.

Oliver has all the time in the world now. You trust him, he knows that, and he'll never let you leave his side. "I'm sorry this is happening," He caresses your cheek, touch soft. "I'll help in any way I can."

Please, please just let him do this.

Aiku needs only you in life, why does he have to do so much to get what he wants?

Please don't push him away.

Oliver leans closer to you, eyes still locked with yours. It's a wordless plea. He's asking you if it's okay.

Please don't say no.

If you push him away now he won't know how to handle it. He doesn't want to keep scaring you.

"Oliver . . ."

He's so close.

When you don't push him away, Oliver closes the space between you and finally presses his lips to yours.

Maybe he should've waited a bit longer and given you some more time to calm down, but he can't take it anymore.

He needs you.

Oliver doesn't push for more. He breaks the kiss after only a few seconds, but it's enough for now. "That okay?" He whispers, heart pounding against his chest.

You gulp, feeling dazed. "'s okay."

Perfect.

*

You wake up the next morning with Oliver's arms wrapped around you. This is the third time it has happened, and by now you've grown to enjoy the feeling.

He's still asleep.

You can't help it, but you end up laying there and just watching him.

Oliver is a handsome guy, yes, but you've never looked at him like that before. You don't know when that changed during the chaos of the past few weeks, but it's not the worst thing ever.

You reach out absentmindedly and brush his bangs from his eyes. His hair is softer than you imagined, you want to run your fingers through it forever.

He stirs a bit and takes a deep breath as he wakes up, eyes fluttering open and softening as soon as they meet yours.

"Morning." You say softly, hand on his cheek.

He smiles tiredly and closes his eyes again. "Morning, doll." Oliver puts his hand over yours and traces small circles on the back of your hand. "Sleep well?"

"Yeah." Much better than you have in months.

Oliver loves that he's the reason why you feel safe enough to have a good night's sleep now. "Stay here for a few days," He opens his eyes. "I don't want you to feel like that again."

"You sure?"

"Mhm." How could he ever want anything else? "How would you feel about it?"

"I don't want to be a burden."

"You could never be." Oliver is confused by that. How could you ever think that you would be a burden to him? He leans closer to you, pressing a gentle kiss on your forehead that makes you feel all warm and fuzzy. "Stay here until you feel better."

Staying with Oliver? You wouldn't exactly hate that.

Oliver has never felt happier.

You've been staying with him for a few days now, showing no signs of wanting to leave. He knows it's because he makes you feel safe, something no one else manages to do.

He does his best to make you feel comfortable in his apartment, never pushing things too far and being careful not to say the wrong thing. The last thing Aiku wants is to scare you away.

You can't leave him.

You cannot.

Oliver wouldn't know what to do without you now that he's gotten a taste of life with you by his side. He would never forgive himself if he ruined this.

"You okay?" Your soft voice pulls him from his thoughts. "You look stressed out."

That's right. He stresses himself out every time he thinks about losing you, but he will not lose you so he should stop tormenting himself. "Just a bit tired." Oliver says. He's sitting on the couch and you're standing right next to him.

Oliver wants to hold you.

He takes your hand and pulls gently, bringing you down to hin. Aiku puts his hands on your waist, like he's been doing every now and then these past few days, and leans forward to nuzzle into your shoulder.

He always feels overjoyed when you let him do this. The first time he did he was scared you would push him away.

Oliver swears he's in heaven when he feels your fingers comb through his hair.

"Thank you for letting me stay." You thank him once again.

Oliver hums softly against your shoulder then turns towards you to place a kiss on the side of your neck.

He wants you so fucking badly.

"No need to thank me." He wraps his arms around your waist. "I'm just happy you're feeling better."

Oliver doesn't need to send you any more texts as long as you're with him. Everything is perfect this way and will stay as such so long as you don't leave.

He needs to make sure you'll stay.

Oliver waits until you decide to go to sleep. You did feel bad after your first night at his place, but all he needed to do was wait for you to start overthinking again and then he could hold you in his arms all night long.

Maybe he can finally try to take it a step further.

He'll never get tired of seeing you in his bed.

Oliver loves holding you like this more than anything. Your body fits in his arms perfectly because you were made for him and him alone. My beautiful girl. Oliver caresses your cheek.

He can't get enough of you.

When he first started doing this a few days you would blush and avoid his gaze. Now, it makes you smile up at him with those gorgeous eyes of yours.

"It feels like all I'm doing these days is just thank you over and over." You say. "I don't know what I would've done if you hadn't been there."

Oh, if only you knew just why he was always there every time you needed someone.

Oliver feels bolder than he did days ago now. He leans down and slots his lips against yours, and it's the best thing he has ever felt.

He's careful to not push for too much and make you uncomfortable, but fuck, it's hard to restrain himself.

Oliver hopes you won't say no next.

He pushes gently on your shoulder to get you to move onto your back, and when you comply he moves on top of you. You don't seem uncomfortable or even shocked, thank fuck for that, and it spurs Aiku on.

He breaks the kiss and pulls back to look down at your flushed face. You look so pretty like this, Oliver has never felt like this before.

No one can compare to you. He regrets wasting his time on other girls when he could've focused all his attention on you instead.

"'s this okay?" He whispers.

You feel hot. Oliver makes you feel things you've never experienced. "Uh huh . . ."

He's so close to getting what he's waited for since the day he met you.

Oliver kisses you again and you welcome it eagerly, pulling him closer by putting your arms around his neck.

You're so perfect.

You're perfect.

Oliver needs you more than he needs air. He can't live without you, he loves you so much

Oliver loves you. He loves you. He loves you.

*

Oliver wakes up to the sound of his phone vibrating softly on the nightstand. He sighs, annoyed, reaching out to pick it up.

Otoya.

Oliver gets out of bed carefully, making sure you won't wake up as he leaves and goes to open the front door where Otoya is waiting outside and smirks in amusement when he sees Oliver. "Mission accomplished?"

"Almost." Oliver yawns. "What's up?"

Otoya holds up the phone Oliver bought to text you with most of the time a few months back. "I keep forgetting to give this back at campus but I was close by and remembered it a few minutes ago."

Oliver takes the phone. "Thanks, bro."

"Well you seem happy." Otoya notes. "Score yet?"

"No, she's more than that." Oliver would never see you as just another girl to sleep with. You're his precious love and he'll never let you go. He doesn't need anyone else, only you.

Aiku doesn't know that his special girl woke up from him getting out of bed.

You're confused by what the boys are talking about, standing by the bedroom door and listening.

"Well, be careful with that thing." Otoya nods down at the phone. "I don't want to see the hell everyone will raise if they find out her creepy stalker is actually her precious Oliveeer." Otoya puts on a sweet, girly voice and makes a cute face.

Otoya's words hit you like a punch in the gut.

Oliver slaps the side of Otoya's head playfully and says, "Shut up, that won't happen."

"Here's to hoping." Otoya fistbumps him. "Later." He turns around and waves as he walks away.

Your mind goes blank.

Oliver?

What?

Otoya's words echo in your mind, "I don't want to see the hell everyone will raise if they find out her creepy stalker is actually her precious Oliveeer."

Your legs go weak.

". . . her creepy stalker is actually her precious Oliveeer."

You slide down to the floor.

The front door closes.

You gasp, eyes going wide.

Footsteps . . .

Oliver is coming back to the bedroom. His bedroom. The room you've been sleeping in for days. The bed you've laid with him in. The bed he's held you in every night.

". . . her creepy stalker is actually her precious Oliveeer."

It has to be a joke right?

Right?!

"Oh?"

Oliver's voice makes your blood freeze.

"Hey, what are you doing on the floor?"

You look up at him, eyes wide. Otoya's words fill your mind again, ". . . her creepy stalker is actually her precious Oliveeer."

"What are . . . you . . ." Oliver realizes.

You heard.

You stare up at him in terror.

It's him.

What kind of a cruel, sadistic joke is this?

It all suddenly makes sense, how could you be so stupid? Every time something happened either Oliver or Otoya would be there. Otoya was in on it, too.

The texts, the pictures, the knocking . . . all those times you felt like you were being watched . . .

Just as Oliver moves, about to walk up to you, you shake your head. "Please don't hurt me."

"No, no, no, I would never hurt you." Oliver kneels down in front of you but you back into the wall. "I'd never hurt you, doll."

The room suddenly feels too small.

You can't stay in there, the room where you've been sleeping in Oliver's arms on his bed when he's been playing you like a damn fiddle all along.

You push yourself off the floor and try to leave the room but he stops you by grabbing your arms. "No! Let go!"

Oliver can't let you leave. You'll never come back if you run away now. "Please just listen to me for a minute," He pleads. "let me explain-"

"No!" You cry. "No, no!"

Oliver lets go of your arms to hold your face in his large hands instead. "Please, doll, listen to me." He forces you back against the wall and cages you in, wide frame preventing you from running away. You can't leave, you can't.

If he could torment you over the course of months so easily, what else is he capable of? The thought terrifies you and you can't stop the tears from running. "I trusted you . . ."

Oliver's heart breaks at the sight of your tears. Maybe he did take some things too far, but it's okay. All he needs to do is show how much he loves you. "You can still trust me, baby girl, I'd never hurt you, you know that."

"Oliver, please . . ." You whimper. "I'm scared . . ."

Scared of what? Of him? "You don't need to be scared, doll." Oliver says softly. He wipes the tears from your cheeks. "Please don't cry."

"O- Oliver . . ."

He's the one who turned you into a shell of your former self who spends every moment terrified for your safety.

Why would he do this?

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Oliver whispers over and over again. "I'm sorry for scaring you, doll, I'll never do anything to hurt you again." He promised. "You're the most important person in my life, I can't live without you."

How can you trust him after learning all this?

"Please don't hate me." Oliver begs desperately. He is beyond terrified now. He can't let you leave, it would kill him. "Please don't hate me, I love you so much. I love you, I love you, I love you."

If he loves you so much . . . why would he put you through all this? "Y- You . . ."

"I love you." Oliver breathes. He prays you won't push him away, then leans down to kiss you desperately. "I love you," He whispers against your lips. "I love you and only you, I love you so much."

If you were in your right mind right now you would condemn him for him actions and demand answers, but you're not. You look up at Oliver, in a daze from the kiss. "Y'love . . ."

"I love you." Oliver kisses you again. "You know that I do, don't you? You know how much I love you, doll, yeah?"

You see nothing but panic and desperation in his mismatched eyes, the same ones that have only looked at you with pure adoration for weeks now. "Y- You love m- me . . ." You murmur.

"Yeah, that's right. That's right, I love you. You're the only one I've ever loved." Oliver captures your lips in a heated kiss.

There is still a tiny voice inside you that is telling you to get a grip, yelling at you to push him away. Aiku is the one who put you through so much shit that you nearly lost your sanity, the one who scared you so much you broke down.

Oliver kisses you like his life depends on it. He needs too show you just how much he loves you, he needs you to know.

"Oli- Oliver-"

He's scared that you will tell him to let you go and he can't take it. Oliver will never let you leave, not when you're finally his.

You're still crying and he hates himself for being the cause of your tears. Oliver brushes the fresh tears from your cheeks and whispers against your lips, "You'll let me love you, won't you, doll? You'll let me show you how much you mean to me, right?" He moves his hands down your body.

He loves you . . . Oliver loves you, you can see it in his eyes.

"You'll let me, won't you, baby?"

A small nod is all you manage to give as a reply.

You gasp when you feel his warm hands on your skin. He pushes your tank top up to finally feel your soft skin. Oliver has waited for this for so long, he'll be damned if it ends before it even begins. "Let me show you."

"Oliver . . ."

He steps back from the wall and pulls you with him, guiding you to the bed and pushing you down. You're overwhelmed and want to tell Oliver to wait, but he doesn't let you say anything and kisses you again.

You push on his shoulders lightly. "W- Wait . . ."

"What's wrong, doll?" Oliver coos down at you, cupping your cheek. "Just let me take care of you, I'll make you feel better."

He leans back enough to sit on his knees for a second, pulling his t shirt off and throwing it away. The sight makes you feel hot and he can see the effect it has on you. It swells Oliver's ego to know you like what you see, even if you don't say it outloud.

There's a part of you that wants to push him away but . . .

Oliver can see the doubt in your eyes.

He leans back down and brushes his lips against yours. "You want me to make you feel good, don't you?" Aiku pushes your top up. It tingles where his skin meets yours and you exhale shakily. "I'll make it all better, doll. That's what you want, ain't it?"

You gulp, and you nod.

"Yeah?" Oliver smiles and presses a quick peck to your now swollen lips. "Want me to make it better?"

"Uh huh . . ."

He has you now.

Oliver has you and he will never let you go.

*

Everything feels so hot . . .

You can't breathe.

You can't think.

All you feel is Oliver Aiku.

Your discovery is long forgotten. He's doing everything he can to make sure that you will never care about it again, and it's working. Every time he feels you tensing up or sees the doubt in your pretty eyes he does something new to get your mind off it.

You're on your side with his toned chest pressed against your back as he litters your nape and shoulder with kiss, one arm under you and holding you tight while his free hand roams every inch of your burning skin.

Oliver moves his hand down between your thighs that are pressed together. "O- Oli . . ."

He can't get enough of you. He's never felt so good in his life. "All f'me," Oliver whispers by your ear. "I want you so fuck'n bad, doll."

Oliver is skilled and experienced, you know that, and you should have enough common sense to not let that bother you but it does. It means he's been with plenty of other girls before you and you hate that.

He shifts his arm under you to move his hand up to hold your face, forcing you to turn your head and look back at him. "C'mere, doll." He kisses you hungrily. Oliver actually moans when he feels how wet you are.

All for him.

"Feels so good to hold you like this." Aiku pants. "You're so good for me. My good girl."

Oliver's gaze moves down to the marks on your shoulder. There aren't enough of them. You're not covered enough. He needs to leave enough marks for the whole world to know that you belong to him.

He grabs a handful of your plush thigh. "Spread 'em."

"Oliver . . ."

"You said you'd let me, remember?" He says softly. "Remember, baby? You said you'd let me love you."

That's right . . . you did.

"Here, we'll take it slow." He's okay with waiting a few more minutes if it means he can make you more needy in the process and eventually have you beg for it. "See? Just like this."

Oliver urges you to press your thighs together again. He's sure that being buried deep inside you would feel a lot better, but he doesn't mind fucking your pretty thighs for a while. They’re so soft and feel so good around his cock, everything about you feels like paradise.

You keep rubbing your thighs together to relieve some of the tension in your body. He's only making it worse by rubbing against you like this, you're desperate for release. "Oliver . . . please . . ."

Every time he moves forward he nudges your sensitive clit and it has your thighs shaking.

You spread your legs and Oliver is quick to take advantage of it. "This is okay, right?" He pants, struggling to restrain himself.

Even now, there's still that tiny voice inside that begs you to stop.

Oliver kisses your shoulder. "I can do it, right?"

You . . .

He needs to make you his.

You're scared.

Oliver feels it in the way you tense you slightly, but he's so close, it's practically almost done. "Hey, doll, how do you feel?" He kisses your shoulder again and stops for a moment. "It's okay, right?"

It's Oliver . . . Oliver loves you, you know that now . . .

You don't say anything. Instead, you reach your hand back to the back of his head and turn to kiss him again.

Oliver will take this as a yes.

You tense up and gasp when he pushes in. He's a lot bigger than you expected.

Oliver swears he's dying, he can't handle it now that it's finally happening. You're so warm and so tight, it feels so good.

"Y'feel so fuck'n good, doll." Oliver whispers against your lips. "So good for me, my good girl."

You can't think of anything other than the feeling of Oliver's cock deep inside you, filling you perfectly.

He moves at a slow pace, whispering sweet nothings and praising you for being so good for him. You're his perfect girl, so sweet and so beautiful and all his.

Oliver knows he has you now.

"How's it feel, doll? Feel good?"

You feel hot. "Oli . . ."

"Deep breaths for me, baby, easy now." He murmurs softly, hitting that perfect spot inside you.

"F- Feels good . . ."

Yes.

Oliver has never been happier. He finally has you and it was worth the wait.

You cry out his name and it makes Oliver's heart flutter and he practically melts against you. You're the only girl who can do this to him. Everything about you is addicting, he could never get enough of you. Now that Oliver finally gets to bury himself inside you he never wants to pull out. He wishes that he can stay like this forever.

Aiku moans against your nape at the feeling of your tight cunt squeezing him, as if you never him to leave.

Shit, it feels so good, he won't last.

He whispers you name breathlessly and moves at an even slower pace in favour of giving harder thrusts.

Your sweet voice bounces off the walls and in the room, the sweetest sound Aiku has ever heard.

"G'na cum f'me, yeah?" Oliver pants, so close. "Come on, doll, cum for me. Give me everything."

You belong to him, just as he belongs to you.

You're his and he is yours.

Oliver loves you so fucking much, he can hardly handle it. He needs you to live.

"I love you."

#blue lock #bllk #blue lock oliver aiku #oliver aiku #oliver aiku x reader #oliver aiku x you #oliver aiku smut

[itsclydebitches]

Don't mind me, everyone, just gonna slip on my Tedependent conspiracy hat for a bit...

Okay, for real though, can we talk about how Trent's backstory in 3x06 completely re-contextualizes his dinner with Ted in 1x03? Based on my own interpretation, the implied timeline is that Trent was married to a woman, attempted to come out to her and was dismissed (perhaps in large part because they were married: what do you mean you're gay? You can't be. You love me, etc.), either having his daughter forced Trent to become more honest about what he and his family needed, or they had her in an attempt to "fix" the marriage, she gets caught in the crossfire of all this, Trent comes out again, this time his wife believes him, they divorce, are still good friends, and their daughter is happier than ever because she has two loving parents who are now living their best lives.

Given her age - 3 at the start of the series, about 6 now - that means there's a decent possibility that Trent was still married at the beginning of the show.

And that his dinner with Ted is one of the things that pushed him to try coming out again.

As his core Ted is someone who is authentic and that authenticity is what catches Trent's interest. He's dismissive of it at first, literally thinking it's a "fucking joke," only to later end up with the revelation, "You really mean that, don't you?" - that Ted honestly enjoyed spending time with him. AKA, Ted says and does what he means, even when it seems completely unbelievable. How freeing must that be to see? I'm just imagining this interview-turned-dinner through the eyes of a man who is still unhappily married, mostly closeted, and struggling to help his daughter through the stress of that dynamic. Then he meets this sunshine of a coach who is so authentically himself that it initially comes across as an act, an exaggeration, a joke. But Ted never wavers, simply refuses to be anything other than himself. Soon he's doing even more than that, breaking down gender norms by characterizing the masculine, aggressive Roy Kent as the "little girl" from A Wrinkle in Time, burdened with the responsibility of leadership. He turns what should have been the end of a horrific day of shadowing into a dinner date and Trent finds himself answering the hard-hitting questions instead of his interviewee. Ted brushes off his accusation of greed with, "Wait, I'm supposed to be getting paid?" but Trent is completely caught off guard by Ted's "What do you love?"

The textual answer is "writing" and the fun fandom answer is "you," but if this is a Trent who still hasn't fully come out yet that's! A hell! Of a question!!! A closeted, queer individual's mind is going to jump to their biggest secret and, when offered an out, they're going grasp at it, so Trent eagerly agrees with Ted's guess of "writing" the same way Colin eagerly pulls the 'This is a gay bar? Haha, my mistake' card and makes a run for the door. Reading this interaction as Trent not just being gay, but potentially being closeted and unhappily married makes it less about the journalism (this strange coach likes me and thinks I can be a good person despite my invasive career choice) and more about his sexuality. Oh, no big deal, just having an intimate dinner with another good-looking man who's questioning me on love of all things and slowly inspiring me to be the best version of myself, which would require coming out to my wife again. This is a totally normal and not at all life-changing night! I definitely don't need to run away now!!

Via this reading Trent's article feels so loaded. Ted is "out there in the community" either "bravely or stupidly facing the music." That sounds a hell of a lot like a parallel to literally coming out and facing the music of a community's potential rejection, with Ted's American background/inexperience/unique personality acting as a stand-in for sexuality; the reasons he's labeled a "wanker" before anyone actually gets to know him - as the pub trio does while those very words are narrated by Higgins.

And then we have this:

"If the Lasso way is wrong, it's hard to imagine being right.... and though I believe that Ted Lasso will fail here... I can't help but root for him."

There are other elements at play here, like the football's celebration of ego and the threat of the club being relegated, but underneath it really sounds like a still-cynical Trent wanting to see the kind of changed world that those like Ted could bring about, but not really believing that it's possible. Given his history, is he really just talking about football when it comes to "the Lasso way"? I doubt it. Trent is potentially feeling trapped at this point in time, pessimistic to the point where yes, he still thinks that Ted will fail at football and creating a more inclusive, accepting community... but even still, Trent can't help but root for him. Of course he can't. He wants what Ted is offering. He needs it.

But then, of course, Ted succeeds! Not just in doing well by the club, but by the community as a whole. He maintains that inspiration and hope until, potentially, Trent felt like he could do something about his own situation. He found the nerve and strength to try again. So he comes out to his wife, they divorce, their daughter is happy, he goes on a date with a mustached man at the local pub, ditches him to try and 'interview' Ted, blows up his career because he realizes that his job is undermining the very thing he's been rooting for and he can't not give Ted a heads up, begins shadowing Ted as he looks for something "deeper," and then comes out to Colin, gazing wistfully across the water as he imagines being able to kiss a man after a win...

I'm not saying Ted Lasso is going to go there - and I'm DEFINITELY not saying there should be ANY accusations of queer baiting if/when they don't, because we've absolutely built the majority of this ship in fandom spaces - but I AM saying that if Trent's potential intersection of his history with Ted's influence and Ted's desire to shake things up while imagining bisexual triangles actually led to something... it would be a damn well done setup!

#Ted Lasso #Ted Lasso spoilers #Tedependent #Trent Crimm

[riizewrtr]

HI WELCOME!! always so excited to find new writers 💌💌 can i request a riize being insecure because they think their so deserves someone better. write it however you please. fluff, angst, suggestive all up to you!! 🤭🎀

thank you so much omggg, thank you so much for welcoming me so warmly! i hope you like what i've written <3!! i wasn't sure if this is exactly what you mean, but i hope it'll be okay!

content: fluff/angst

Shotaro taro is the type who's very hard on himself, and i can see himself actually second guessing on dating you because he thinks you deserve someone better. his schedule never aligns with yours, and he feels sorry that he cannot take you on dates, go out in public etc with you.

"what's the point of being with me if we have to stay inside?" shotaro would sigh before placing his head in his hands. the room was really quiet, seems to be enough to hear your heartbeat.

"why would you think i care about those things? you know i love you for YOU.." your voice cracked, stressed that you can't help shotaro stop feeling the way he's feeling. but you guys will end up working it out in the end!

the rest is under the cut!

Eunseok seems like a cold person who doesn't take these things extremely serious. But when he noticed you always stressing and complaining how fans were still upset about the announcement of the relationship(which was announced almost 1 year ago mind you!), eunseok couldn't help but feel overwhelmed and upset that you're still with him. The hate that you've gotten he feels like it is HIS fault, even though feelings just happened. He starts thinking that you deserve someone better and worth your time.

"i really don't think i'm good enough for you... you know the fans are really protective of me, and the hate you're getting? this is NOT okay. i really did not want you to deal with that, babe."

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sungchan would seem the calmest out of everyone. He would be the type to keep it to himself thinking that he isn't good enough for you. But you start to notice how he started texting you less and less. His replies seem almost a bit dry. It would turn into a fight if you pushed on and on, when he finally tells you what's on his mind.

"I'm not good enough for you! I work all the time, I'm always gone. Does it not bother you that I have girls screaming and dreaming over me? You truly deserve someone who can give you the world."

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Wonbin stays in his head, every thought, emotion, insecurity is in his head whenever he is with you. The pain, stress, anger has built up overtime. Even if dating for a while now, he can't help but think if he's actually good for you? Isn't it a bit toxic that you fight more than love? He thinks "does she know? i hate myself? i hate that i feel like i don't make her happy.."

"maybe we should break up... i'm not good for you, and i never will be unless i leave this lifestyle.. but you know i can't..."

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Seunghan will be very vocal with how he feels. i feel like you would be able to work it out with him, but he still cannot help but feel insecure in the relationship even after the serious talk y'all had. what good is the relationship if he can't even trust himself to make you happy or to satisfy your needs. being affectionate in the dorm isn't even enough for HIM, he wanted to show you off to the world knowing how knetz will react.

"i hate that i can't show you off to the world, you are MY world. it's so hard finding dry land when it comes to you. i hate myself that i cannot succeed in making you fully happy and on top of the world..

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sohee would be extremely shy to bring up his insecurities, but thankfully it's something you overheard when sohee was confiding in one of his members. It actually hurt you to know he didn't trust himself to come to you about his worries and problems. Especially for something so serious. You began thinking if he was going to break up with you. But when the conversation did come up, you refused to break up. you loved him too much.

"Sohee, I love you. I'm just happy to be WITH you. You don't need to think that I deserve someone else, because that's not what I want!"

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Anton wouldn't bring up the insecurities at all, infact he would try to avoid it at all costs. The only way you found out that he didn't think he was good enough for you was because you were on his phone playing one of his games he had showed you, and a message popped up and you had accdiently pressed it. Anton and Wonbin were talking about you and Anton, he said he didn't think he deserved you and that you'd be better off dating someone "normal"

"Y/N I didn't mean for you to see it that way.. I just didn't know or how to bring it up.. Please don't be mad.."

#riize #shotaro #eunseok #sungchan #wonbin #seunghan #sohee #anton #zb1 reactions #riize scenarios #anton lee #song eunseok #osaki shotaro #riize anton

[decolonize-the-left]

If Americans shouldn't vote for Biden what should they do instead? Vote for trump? Vote third party? Not vote?

(I know most people would probably ask you this in bad faith but I'm just really distraught at the state of politics and keep hearing people say "don't say he's the only option and don't support him" but there's never alternatives given and I don't know what an effective alternative could even be)

I think a good place to start that a lot of people are comfortable with is probably volunteering and petitioning for 3rd parties to make sure they Do have ballot access next year. So that ppl Can vote for someone else next year.

And yes, vote 3rd party this election. Or don't vote at all.

Besides that? Learn some basic defense and join protests. Support encampments and do things leftists say like join a union and organize your own community whether it be your schoolmates, coworkers, or all your friends and their friends.

Y'all see the news right?

Censorship and propaganda are rampant right now, along with transphobia and racism and even Nazis are back. Tensions are high to say the least and everyone is worked up about the election and Israel.

Figure out what you wish someone else would do and then do it. Is that de-arresting protesters? Organizing a bail fund, fighting cops and throwing tear gas back at them when they make things violent?

There's a lot to fight against and even more to fight for. Find what's worth fighting for (to you) and actually start fighting for it. Don't let cops or your principal or boss or anyone else stop you.

I think one of the most important things we can do right now is remind the government and those that serve the government that they won't take our rights so easily. That if they want to silence us then we're gonna make sure it'll hurt more than it'll help. That we can and will fight back.

And that's why it's so vital that we show them we won't settle either. We won't vote for Biden.

We settled for Clinton and look where that got us.

Does it feel like voting for more and more conservative blue candidates actually helped prevent harm? Or does it feel like you were manipulated and lied to?

Gonna be real, it feels like the government is a manipulative abuser and we're all it's gaslit victims who don't want to believe things are that bad just cuz he killed someone else instead of us.

Which is like...it doesn't mean good things for us that our government could do that and we'd rationalize it, you know?

How we want to get out of this fucked up dynamic is up to us. We work, we pay taxes, we listen to the governments rule of law, and still our government won't codify rights, our trans friends are being abused by the government, or it's banning apps with censorship. And the whole time it's telling us to shut up and be grateful it isn't worse.

Abusers never ever tell you that it could be better too. And they don't want you to know that. Cuz then you leave. And if you leave then they can't manipulate and abuse you.

So yeah. They'll shit on us for doing Anything that doesn't result in us staying, for doing anything that results in us choosing our own well being instead of theirs.

But that's what we need to do.

And you need support before you do that. That's what organizing is. It's like calling the besties who hype you up to leave your shitty ex. Except it's a bunch of people agreeing to support each other when they choose to stand up for something. Organizing is making sure there are people watching back and making sure if one of you is harmed or arrested that there'll be someone there to help bail you out.

The more people you have to bail you out, the less you have to worry about being outnumbered, spoken over, or physically stopped with force.

So yeah. Do that.

Organize. I hope I stressed that enough. The people on our front lines need us to be there for them as much we need Them to keep fighting for us.

Also since I'm here: make sure you and your friends don't talk shit about protesters even when they get violent and break shit. It's not abuse when the victim finally hits back at their abuser, it's self defense.

#asked #answered #idk #kinda just want politicians to start dying tbh

[vodika-vibes]

Could I please get female reader x the clone wars Gregor smut scenario that starts off with him finally making it back after getting his memory back and he's anxious to see his girl again after so long, but she's anxious about seeing him again because she's gained some stress weight and is worried about whether he'll still want her/be attracted to her, but he just goes even more feral for her the moment he sees her? Please and Thank either way ♡

As Beautiful As The Day I Lost You

Summary: Gregor has been gone, missing, for months. Missing, not dead. And when he comes back you can’t help but wonder if he’ll still want you.

Pairing: Captain Gregor x F!Reader

Word Count: 1130

Warnings: Smut (cockwarming)

Tagging: @trixie2023 @n0vqni

A/N: So...my smut developed feelings, so there's only a little smut here and a lot of feelings. I'm sorry.

You feel like you’ve been crying for days.

It’s almost as bad as when you found out that Gregor was MIA. Almost.

For the most part these are happy tears. Happy that he’s alive. Happy that he’s alright. Happy that he’s coming home. 

But there’s also anxiety tied into those tears.

What if he sees you and doesn’t want you anymore? You don’t look the same as you did when he went missing. You’ve gained some weight, due solely to stress, and you’ve changed a few things about yourself…the way you dress, the way you style your hair-

You nervously push your hand through your hair.

It would help if you had been allowed to talk to Gregor. But you haven’t. No one’s allowed you to speak to him. You were told that he’s okay, that he’s coming back, and that he had severe memory loss, which is why he went missing in the first place.

You were also reassured, by a frantic looking medic who looked terrified when you started crying about the memory loss thing, that Gregor does in fact remember you and that he’s very eager to see you and talk to you.

That had been several weeks ago. 

And now you’re just waiting. And you think that might be the worst part. 

Dread and excitement war with each other as you hear the door panel beep and the door slide open. Slowly you walk over to the door, your hands wrapped firmly around the hem of your shirt.

And there he is. 

Gregor is staring at you. He steps into the apartment and blindly smashes his fist against the door panel. His bag hits the floor at the same time as the door clicks shut. “Mesh’la,” 

And then the tears start, “Hi.”

Gregor swallows hard, and he takes several steps closer to you, but he pauses just short of touching you, “Sorry I’m late. I took a wrong turn, you see-”

You release a sobbing laugh and fling your arms around his neck, “It’s okay. You’re here now.”

His arms fold around you, hesitantly at first, and then tighter as he presses his face into your hair, “You cut your hair.”

“Yeah.”

“It looks good. You look amazing.” He exhales slowly, “As beautiful as the last time I saw you.”

You sniffle, “Really? I put on some weight-”

His arms tighten, “I didn’t notice. But if you did, it just means there’s more for me to love.” He pulls away slightly one of his hands coming up to press against your cheek, he lightly wipes a tear off of your cheek, a small smile crossing his face, “Beautiful.”

Gregor leans in and presses his lips against yours in a soft, loving, kiss. And you respond instantly, your arms sliding around his neck as you kiss him back. All of your anxiety fading away to nothing as he clutches your body to him as though no time has passed at all.

And, because you know Gregor, you aren’t surprised in the slightest when he starts walking you backwards. And you’re even less surprised when his hands dip under the hem of the shirt that you’ve been worrying for hours.

In fact, the only thing that surprises you, is that Gregor has the patience to wait until you’re securely in the bedroom before he’s tugging your clothes off and tossing them to the side. 

He doesn’t remove his hands from you for longer than it takes for him to remove your clothing, though. He doesn’t even try to remove his own, which you think is kind of unfair. 

And then he attaches his lips to that spot on your neck that never fails to make you melt for him, and you stop thinking about it.

Your fingers curl into the material of his shirt as he lowers you to the bed, his body pressed firmly against yours, his lips leaving dark marks on whatever bit of skin he can reach, and then, finally, he pulls back and settles himself between your thighs. 

His hands ghost down your sides, skirting over the sensitive skin of your breasts, teasing touches over the plush skin of your hips and thighs, and then they skim back up. 

“Beautiful,” Gregor whispers, “As beautiful as the day I lost you. And you’re all mine.” There’s something like awe in his voice. 

“I’ve always been yours.” You whisper, a soft noise of pleasure falling from you as his clever fingers trail down your body again and dip between your thighs. “Gregor-” His name falls from your lips in a sigh.

His fingers pause, and his gaze locks on your lips, “Kriff,” He breathes out, “I wanted to take my time with you. But now that I have you here, under me, I want nothing more than to be buried inside you.”

You reach up and lightly tug on his shirt, “We have all the time in the world, Gregor.” You whisper reassuringly, as you tug on his shirt again. 

Slowly, without breaking eye contact, Gregor peels his shirt off and tosses it to the side, and he carefully tugs his bottoms off and tosses them with the rest of the clothes to be dealt with later.

It seems to take a moment for him to decide what he wants to do, before his expression clears and he tosses some of the pillows off the bed and settles against the headboard, “Come here, mesh’la.”

You pout at him playfully, but crawl over to him and settle yourself over his cock, which is already hard and leaking. “All this for me?”

“I missed you,” Gregor says with a nervous giggle, before he grimaces, “Sorry.”

You press your hand against his cheek, “I missed you too.” Slowly, with his aid, you slide down his hard cock. It takes you a moment to adjust to him again.

“Slowly, baby. You don’t have to rush.” Gregor whispers, his hands tight on your hips when he sees you wince in discomfort.

“M’okay. It’s just been a while.” You reassure him as you slowly slide down the rest of him and settle right against him. You place your hands on his shoulders, and lean against him, taking a moment to just feel him. 

Stars, but you missed him, missed this, so much. 

You shift, to start moving on him, but Gregor tightly grips your hips, holding you still. “Let’s stay like this for a bit,” He murmurs, his forehead dropping to your shoulder, “Just for a little bit.”

You lightly trail your fingers through his hair, enjoying the closeness. Though you know you’ll only be able to remain still for so long.

For now, though, you just enjoy that he’s here and he’s back. He’s still your Gregor, even with the changes.

#star wars #tcw #captain gregor x reader #gregor x reader #18+ fic #clone thirsting #nsft #star wars fanfiction #x reader fanfiction #f!reader fic #answered asks

[bronx-bomber87]

Hello my wonderful fandom :) Thank you for all your lovely comments on me being delayed. Not my usual M.O. but I definitely needed the extra time to process. I was GUTTED and absolutely wrecked. Poor D had to deal with my panic spiral for most of Wednesday. (love you lol) I'll be honest I'm still little shook up and sad. Kinda grateful for the 3 week break tbh between episodes. This was a gut punch I wasn't in the least expecting. Hoping we'll get a S7 announcement during this hiatus. *fingers crossed* Get it together ABC. This took me awhile to unpack emotionally so thank you all again for being so patient.

So I want to preface this post. There will be ZERO And I mean ZERO bashing of Tim in this review from me. Would appreciate that in comments as well. I love conversation you know I love comments. What I don't like is hate being spread. Also nothing on Eric either. I've also seen this which is utter madness. Don't touch our captain. Man loves this fandom so much. Deserves respect. If you came to this review for either of those things please promptly exit stage left. I mean that in the kindest way possible but I love Tim/Eric so it's a non starter with me.

I’ve never so deeply related with a character in all my life as I have with Tim Bradford. I’ll be dissecting this ep to best of my ability. I love both these characters so very much. Why I was knocked out for a couple days before could tackle this. I imagine my thoughts will change when I do my summer in depth one. When we have the rest of the season in pocket. I have to say this won't be mini at all. LOL So lets get rid of that concept right now ha I can't be mini with this ep. I am not brief so thanks for reading. Also hats off to Eric my god he was incredible in this episode. Melissa too killing me left, right and center you two. Let us get started.

6x06 Secret and Lies.

Poor Lucy looks like me when I’m stressed and drained af. Tamara asking how stressed she currently is? Lucy answering 19.....She looks like a 19 if not worse tbh. This is probably the most time they've spent apart since they got together. Basically living together at this point let's be honest. Other than 6x01 they haven't really spent time apart aside from that UC op in 5x21. *sigh*

Tamara asking if Tim is still ghosting her? Lucy trying so hard to keep it together with her answer. My heart. What a wreck she is without Tim. Do love that we get to see her pin-up board btw. Good shot of her room we don’t usually get. That cupcake poster I love it so much. Although now it makes me sad...

Lucy asking what's wrong? Tamara telling her she wants to move out with some friends from school. Crap. Her moving is the last thing she needs…. But it's good for her even though the idea makes me sad. End of an era. Lucy is right she needs to live with people her own age. Doesn’t make it hurt less though. This is a ROUGH season for Lucy my god. The hits keep coming for our girl and I wanna hug her. Shield her somehow....

Lucy touching near her tattoo when she reaches Angela. (Mini gut punch.) I do love her coming to Angela about this. If there is anyone who knows Tim like she does it's Angela. Does help she finds his behavior alarming too. I mean of course she does. You can see the immediate worry. The empathy she has for Lucy is there but she holds her cards close in her advice. Telling her to trust him even though it's literally killing her. Not the council Lucy needed to hear or was looking for.

Lucy wanted more action than 'Just wait and trust him.' She has been trusting him but she’s so insanely worried. Going out of her mind with anxiety for her person. It's exuding out of of her and she looks like she wants to cry…Ugh me too Lucy. I’m an empath and an anxious one at that. I would be going out of my mind too…. Angela looks worried as hell though. Even though she isn't conveying that to Lucy at this point. Breaking my heart as she takes off from their convo. Because if she doesn't she'll lose it right then and there.

God I love Angela Lopez. First off well done on tracking him down. She's just a bad ass. I mean it's one of the reason's Lucy reached out to her tbh. Just gets into his car, drinking his soda, calling him out right away. I love her reasoning saying she can live off Wesley’s trust fund. Lmao. Doesn’t matter as much if she get's fired. 'Wine o'clock.' for her. Gotta love the confidence. I truly hope we get more Tim/Angela scenes the rest of this season. I always adore their dynamic.

Tim is sold on her reasoning and starts to explain the current situation he's trapped in. Angela taking it all in and assessing everything as he explains. Once Tim has succinctly summed up his current predicament Angela's reply is the best. 'I’m in.' lmao I love this woman. ‘I got your back boo.’ That she does. In more ways than he even realizes at this point.

Gotta commend Angela calling him out for walking away from Lucy. Not only that but his job to arrest a guy hasn’t thought of in a decade…. Ain’t no one better than her to be there to call him out his crap right now. Not only that but to really dig deep. To know this is far more than what he's sharing. This is why Angela is an incredible detective rooting things out like this. Saying this is more than just protecting Lucy. Her intuition is out of this world.

I mean she's not wrong. Lucy would understand if it was just about the benefits. She would be proud really. Thing is it's about protecting himself too. Which really just scratches the surface of why he is doing this. Tim knows he's caught even if he shrugs it off. She has him dead to rights and he knows it. 'I’m your BFF. I know you.' Ha it’s true whether you like it or not Timothy…Just like Lucy she has your number.

Angela giving him crap with how they're following Ray. Worried he isn't being smart about this. This is so unlike him to be this sloppy and unfocused. She was right he was tailing too close… Ray catches on to their tail quickly. When he scanned the vehicle made me so nervous. Doing it while he's taunting Tim. He's so detail oriented blows my mind Tim let that get by him. This SL gave me such MASSIVE anxiety as I watched it. Oh my lord.

The minute they get back to Angela's place she calls him out once again. Asking why he thinks this is ALL his fault? Tim shrugs it off and she refuses to take that as his final answer. Of course Angela was right there is far more to this story. Tim finally opens up to her about what happened. He had been leading his squadron for some time. Looking to move up to Sergeant.

The catch was he couldn’t be promoted if there was rampant criminality in his unit. Ray clearly was in the way of him moving up. Tim figured he could keep it within his unit if they went after him.. Oh Tim…. It was an unsanctioned mission too. Thinking if he could accomplish this would be easy fast track to his promotion.

Kills me to know he was there during the air strike ugh… Details missing from the last episode. The Humvee saved him and Mark but not his other men… I can't imagine what Tim felt in that moment. The immense amount of guilt laid on his soul from here on out. I mean it makes sense why he never left patrol before Lucy. The last time he tried to advance his career this happened. My broken boy.

Eric CRUSHES this scene. I wanna cry. My poor Timothy. He was more focused more on his career than his oath...Got two of his men killed. My damn heart. He’s so ashamed of himself. The way he points at himself when he says 'leadership.' I knew his military past would be dark but holy crap. I wanted more of his backstory and they delivered that in spades. What a gut punch this had to be for him. No doubt his men were loyal af to him. Would've followed him anywhere and did.

He carries leading those men to their deaths because they followed his leadership. Oof. That is quite the weight to keep on your soul. Also gives us insight to why he shoulders everything. Even when he doesn't have to. Punishing himself for past transgressions such as this. I'm sure when we get to the other side of this season, I will have an even deeper respect for the writers going into his backstory like this. Giving us even more insight to this man.

This hurts so good to get this kind of info. I have no doubt that’s why he shut Lucy out. The shame he feels is overwhelming. I totally get it. Nothing scarier than someone knowing your darkest secrets. Not only that but worrying they’ll think less of you due to it. Tim already struggles with self loathing. Been a theme for him his entire arc on this series. Something I've touched on a lot. This is truly bringing that to light in the most painful way.

We see Ray scanned Tim's car in order to gain access to it. To check his GPS to see where he's been. How he's been tracking him. When he scrolls down to Lucy's address. Made my stomach sink. Legit felt sick to my stomach....

I do love Lucy coming home and having Tamara there. Saying she ordered pizza for them. This is exactly what she needs. Do you really have to go Tamara? I wonder if she'll delay leaving now after this ep. There is a knock at the door and of course it's not the pizza. It's Ray. Hair's on the back of my neck stood up from the moment he entered that apt.

I know Melissa stated in her interview she was nervous about this scene. That she came off awkward in her anger. You are incorrect madam. Holy hell Lucy is a BAMF. Telling him the only call she's gonna make is for the ambulance. Because when she's done with him he's going to need it to wheel him out. Holds her ground like the confident bad ass we've all loved seeing her become.

Lucy calling him shaking and demanding where he was. Ooh lord hell fire coming with her through that front door. I love Angela grabbing Tamara to another room. Like let's go mom and dad are about to have a big blow out. Let's give them some space...

Tim asking if she's ok? Truly concerned but Lucy isn't having ANY of it. 'Do I look ok?' Damn no she doesn't....Ripping into him saying how that creep could've showed up when she wasn't there. Lucy is not wrong....Oh my lord I’ve never seen her so damn mad. She is RAGING at him and rightfully so. Her home was violated, Tamara was put in danger and threatened. All because Tim was trying to protect her. phew.

Tim FINALLY concedes to telling her something. It only seems to enrage her more. She is literally vibrating with anger in this scene with him. The more he tells her the more it doesn't explain why he left her in the dark. Lucy begging him to read her in. I mean she has earned that my love. ..Telling him to stop protecting her. Gah Tim is a deep loyalist who would protect anyone he loves even if it's not the right thing. His reply is a reflection of that.

'I can't. I won't.' He's so driven to keep her safe. His instinct is to protect her but doesn't see he's hurting her in the process. I knew she was going to be pissed he let Angela in and not her. But Tim was right she has a lot less to lose. Which doesn't seem pertinent in this moment...I do love her placing her hands on his when she also replies. 'I can't. I won't.'

Mirroring his words from moments ago. Just like he will never stop protecting her. Lucy will never stop fighting for him or longing to help him. That man is her entire world. The most important person in her life. It makes perfect sense she would help with this. Career be damned. I mean she risked her career to get him a shot at Metro. Of course she would do the same thing in order to shoulder his burden with him.

Love her standing her ground in this moment. Like damnit I love you and you are going to let me in. Whether you like it or not I am here and I'm going to help. If this wasn't a reflection of the communication problems that still painfully exist between them I don't know what is. I mean she tried to be patient and trust him. But honestly he needed this kick in the ass to let her in. Which is a problem. Lucy needs to be the first person he goes to. It shouldn't have to come to this. *sigh*

Their OP goes off without a hitch. Except Ray saying he was going to be an air strike on Tim's life.... God I had no idea as I was watching that scene how true it would be. Tim gets his interview and lies to protect Angela and Lucy. While keeping his own job intact as well. Also welcome back to Jackson’s dad. Hello there Percy. This is not how I wanted to see him again.

But he is IA him returning was never gonna be a good thing tbh in a post Jackson world. Regardless it was nice to see him again. The scene is Grey's office is ROUGH. Never seen Wade so disappointed in Tim. It hurts to watch. Just like this entire gut punch of an episode. Tim is just standing there in utter shame of everything. Ashamed Wade is looking at him like this.

Kills me Grey has to inform Pine of what he did. It makes sense he has to but damn that sucks. The amount of respect Tim has for Wade is immense. To watch him tear Tim apart and just stand there like a puppy being scolded hurts my soul. Especially when he tries to fight Pine knowing. Just dismissing him without further comment or argument...

So I will say this and it's not at all fair to Lucy that I thought this I'm sure. But I felt like if there was gonna be a breakup it would be coming from her. Not Tim in this moment. That's the part of this moment that really knocked the wind out of me. She had every damn right to be the one too btw. Instead she is there waiting for him with open arms. Honestly I took a breath for the first time this entire episode when she welcomed him in.

Wrapping him up in her arms. Encasing him, rubbing his back, her fingers in his hair. Gently cradling him against her. I thought ok maybe we'll be alright. Since Lucy isn't nearly as angry as she was earlier. Maybe they can get through this together. Cause she loved on him regardless of what happened. The unconditional love she has for this man blows me away. I honestly thought with her loving on him maybe they'd make it out. That they’d work through it together.

Tim looks so very defeated. On the verge of an actual breakdown as he explains that he lied about everything. Saying it saved his job...protected Angela and her. It doesn't seem like enough of a win to him. He looks so very destroyed and this is just the beginning of his downward spiral.

Lucy is doing everything to be his rock in this moment. To assuage him of his guilt… Most vulnerable ever seen Tim *pre tears*…. Lucy telling him it was an impossible situation. She would've done the same thing. It’s so very clear she was willing to work through this. To build them back to where they were before he got that phone call. Everything Lucy was in this scene represented her unconditional love for him. Tim is just too destroyed at the moment to see it….Also for him to accept it. It's so hard to truly accept unconditional love if you've never had it before. To truly trust in it.

Lucy is watching him spiral out of control. The way he's talking about himself with such loathing. How she never would've been in a place where she put her self interest over her team like him. She is trying her damndest to right his wrong. But Tim is having none of it. It pains me to see it... Pains Lucy too. It's the way she grabs onto him while he continues his verbal self flogging that get's me.

Trying to ground him in this moment with her touch. Bring him back to her. Something that has worked so well in the past. Sadly not having the intended affect this time around. Tim is too damn gone at this point. He feels he’s betrayed everything he thought he was. THOUGHT he was. *heart clutch* Tim has such a deep moral compass. That's why this is rocking him so very much. Ugh my heart. I too have a crazy deep moral compass. I can't say I wouldn't be spiraling out like him as well.

This was his greatest sin brought to light. To Tim exposing him for the fraud he feels he is. Him saying he's been lying to himself for a long time is a reflection of this. That imposter syndrome coming out real strong here. Something he buried deep down came rushing to the forefront and he is imploding. Says as much above. He no longer feels worthy to be in her life now. I get this anytime I screw up with a friend or my sister. I have this deep sense of shame attached to it. Like I no longer deserve that friend or my sister cause I messed up or if a past sin comes up. That they'll no longer love me or will forever look at me differently cause of it.

It's not logical but it's deeply ingrained from my mom shaming me for doing anything wrong growing up. As it is for Tim. His father literally beat the hell out of him for ever being out of line. He has suffered emotional and physical abuse. Unless confronted and treated comes out like this. Demons making their way to the surface. I was bawling by the time he said 'I'm sorry.' He’s never seen himself worthy of Lucy’s love that much has always been evident. But to see it this raw and visceral ripped my heart out. It’s on the ground where they're both standing.

I think this is something that has been brewing in the background for Tim for a long time. Now that I've had time away to decompress and think. I'm actually very excited they're tackling this. It's clear Tim is not in a place where he thinks he deserves her anymore. Low key never has been. He acts before he thinks. Eric had a great quote from his interview about Tim "He is impulsive and he reacts instead of thinking things through, and it can come out a bit too strong.” That is this decision in a nutshell. He feels he is a burden therefore he is removing himself without thinking it through. The regret that is going to come with this is going to be immense for him.

'You deserve so much better.' Better than me basically. He feels immense shame and that shame is launching him away from her. You know I learned something in therapy about this. About not being perfect and feeling like I'm too much. i.e. a burden. My therapist told me and it made me cry. 'You are worthy of the space you take up in people's lives. They want you there.' Tim does not think he is worthy of the space he is taking up in Lucy's life now. All his sins on the table laid out for her to see. He can't handle it. That much is very clear here. I will say I haven’t let a ship hurt me like this in a long time.

This absolutely crushed me. I couldn't even fathom assembling my thoughts. Cut me very deep. Been with this ship since day one. Also what a crushing blow this is for Lucy. Our poor girl. I mean she gave everything to this relationship. I mean EVERYTHING. She was all in from the moment Tim said ‘Unless it is.’ This was her first real relationship. First real leap into being serious. Thinking about marriage and kids. She gave her all to Tim my god. Her career took a hit for him and she never complained. Knew he was worth it (he still is btw) Fought every step of the way for him. For them.

When he was pulling back above it was an absolute panic for her. She could see him slipping through her fingers. Idk what broke my heart more Tim thinking he’s not worthy of her any longer or her begging him not to do this. She literally can't fathom how he can let go of her like this. Thought she was his person. Tim feels he’s gone back to who he was pre-Lucy and that scares him. He feels undeserving of the love she has to give him. Lucy knows everything and in his mind he can’t imagine her still loving him.

Lucy was as we all were in this scene. In disbelief... Even though Tim put her though absolute hell she was still there to comfort and support him. Because to her he is worth it even in the hard times. We all know Tim isn’t the best with his emotions. In his trauma damaged brain he thinks he’s doing the right thing here. That he’s radioactive, she deserves better than being around him and his reckless behavior.

The kiss on her head. Lucy trying to physically push away his rejection. Stomping all over my damn heart...However this ends up playing out Tim is going to have to address his emotional instability. How he charges forward and doesn’t think things through. Ruled by his emotions in the worst way. He’s impulsive and he’s gonna have to fight to get her back when he’s in a better mindset. Her trust has been obliterated by this. She fought and clawed for them and this was her reward. He’s gonna have to do some serious healing to get back to her. Lucy has loved him the best she can but he needs to put in some work now. We see next ep he's meeting with Aaron's therapist. Don't love that but I’ve wanted Tim to go to therapy for years. He needs this. Therapy doesn’t work unless you put the effort in though.

That will be a challenge for him. When I get out of the purview of this hurt I’m feeling...I’m actually going to be really impressed and happy they had Tim go through this. Do I think this is the end of them? No I think this is some serious growing pains. It was issues that have been percolating since Lucy did that 5 player trade. Hell probably back in 5x12 when Tim sacrificed himself without telling her so they could stay together. I still think that was romantic because of it's intended nature. BUT was the beginning of the communication problems. They’ve grown so very much in that regard. We’ve seen it but there is still work to be done on that front. It just came to a very gutting painful head.

I still have faith in the writers. I still have faith they’ll be ok. It might not be right away and I'm already feeling impatient tbh. But this is some serious realism being applied to them. It wasn't some random BS angst. Honestly we’re lucky our ship gets the most attention, the best SL’s and two people who LOVE these characters. They absolutely adore them and this ship. If you haven’t read Melissa and Eric’s interviews for this episode I highly recommend. This sucks right now. No two ways about it. But we will survive this storm. They’ll come out stronger than ever. Truly believe that. But for now let's rally around each other and get through this together. There will be brighter days ahead just doesn't feel like it right now. We got this.

~~~

Side notes non Chenford.

Do love Aaron working with Harper all if of all I cared about other than their SL in this one. Nolan's I fast forwarded which I normally don't do but I had no patience for his BS in this ep lol My anxiety was rampant in this ep and had no space for him.

Also RIP Metro Tim for the 6x07 promo. This hurts to see not just cause I enjoyed him in that outfit lol But to see his career take a nosedive like this. I wanted more Tim back story. Didn’t think would hurt like this though....Feel free to comment I love you all for any interaction I get with these. <3

#Caitlin mini reviews #chenford #s6 #the rookie 6x06 #6x06 Secret and Lies #otp: unless it is #otp: doing my job #the rookie #tim x lucy #tim bradford #lucy chen #lucy x tim #eric winter #melissa o'neil #tim bradford x lucy chen

[gatitties]

Would you ever consider writing a continuation of your ‘Not in my world’ writings?

─ Strawhats, Heart Pirates & Kid Pirates x isekaed!student!reader

─ Summary: you are definitely not made for this world, luckily you have a good protective squad!

─ Warnings: none

Part one / Part three (Kid Pirates)

I have some more thoughts in mind but not many ideas, although I'm open to suggestions with the theme if you would like something specific :')

─ Before you were struggling with the stress of exams, now you're struggling with the stress of this crew, you can't even spend five measly minutes calm because you're already in hot pursuit.

─ Good side, no one knew you and no one seemed to notice you (just like in your class haha…) which got you rid of a 'wanted' poster at least for now.

─ Bad side, you were exposed to a ridiculous amount of dangers from which you couldn't defend yourself (beyond punching or biting someone).

─ Luckily you have a captain who gave you complete security, and when he was being stupid you always had a swordsman watching your back, and if he was lost you had a cook by your side to help, but if he was too busy (flirting) you also had the strength of a cyborg at your side, and if none of them were there to help you only had one thing left…

─ Cry.

─ You didn't underestimate the protection of Nami, Usopp, Robin, Chopper, Brook or Jinbe, but you felt much safer with those four idiots, for no specific reasons, they were the ones who got you out of trouble the most, but you would trust them all with your life.

─ And speaking of crying, it was the best way to deal with all this pressure of the change in the world, even though in your previous life you were not completely happy, the radical change still affects you, Robin was the one who consoled you the most for that and you always come when you feel bad.

─ At least, you left some of your pessimistic thoughts about your future or what was going to become of it, you just have to enjoy the little moments of peace that you had traveling through this world.

─ Sometimes you got a little irritated because everyone saw you as a scaredy cat (which you really were) and they saw you as a baby that they had to protect, you weren't even that little! although you were not going to complain about the protection when you find yourself in trouble.

─ Without a doubt, it was a change of scenery for the better (largely also for the worse) because it helped you forget about things from your old life and rebuild your person, maybe a little change didn't hurt you, but you still feared for your life when side of this team.

─ You definitely get a lot of hugs with Nami and Usopp when something scary happens.

─ Chopper still scolds you for your sleep schedule and has Brook put you to sleep early for your health.

─ Although you have improved your eating schedules and have started eating healthier thanks to Sanji.

─ You also started training with Zoro and Jinbe, not as intensely, just some defense and stamina because you're going to need it if at some point they're not there to save you.

─ It is clear that Law does not make much of an appearance, rather it's his actions that put him so high on the wanted list, he is much more discreet than Luffy.

─ But that doesn't mean that all his demands to keep you in the submarine cause you stress, much less than before, but it persisted in the back of your mind, couldn't he understand you from emo to emo?

─ Luckily, being a student means that most of the time you have to fend for yourself to survive tests, exams, works... without help because good or kind teachers? Nah, that doesn't exist or they're an endangered species, so you pretty much know how to do everything.

─ Or at least learn fast and adapt, you quickly accepted the dangers of the world and most importantly how not to attract attention (it's not like you had done it before), anyway you were learning from the best, Law knew very well how to go unnoticed.

─ The good thing, you took this whole thing as a little vacation, it didn't bother you too much not leaving the Polar Tang, plus it meant less trouble and less fear of someone stabbing you or something.

─ The bad thing, Law was very demanding with everything, he reminded you of a child demanding new toys (surgical material), unfortunately you couldn't disobey if you didn't want to end up abandoned to your fate.

─ From what you know Law is quite strong so you should be around him, the problem is that you are not useful when you get mentally worn out and it seems that if you receive a lot of demands your mind will just shut down and do everything wrong.

─ Of course, your captain will notice and let you rest and urge you to go out for a while when they stop on an island, he will keep an eye on you because he knows that your appearance stands out from the others, he did not have infinite clothes and sometimes you used the outfit with you ended up here.

─ Luckily you always had your back covered, if he wasn't there, Shachi and Penguin would always follow you as a good dynamic duo, they helped clear your mind due to the amount of absurd comments or jokes they told.

─ Bepo is always there for a hug, the best hugs you've ever had.

─ You started some self defense lessons with Jean Bart just for good measure.

─ Law would like to scold you for your bad sleep schedule but he was no one to talk about it…

─ However, he doesn't take long to point out all the things that are harmful to your health, like when you sit like a shrimp causing back pain.

─ You are doomed, if you thought Luffy was someone who made a scandal it is because you do not know this crew, you definitely threw away a long time ago (literally the first minutes in this world) the possibility of ending up in a beautiful or peaceful place, free of anxiety.

─ Before it caused you a bit of discomfort that your classmates didn't count on you with some activities, now you are more than grateful that your presence is like that of a ghost.

─ Kid doesn't care much if you get into fights or if you draw the attention of someone who could hurt you, if you are inside his ship you must be strong, he only cared that you didn't hurt yourself because he didn't want to have to clean your brains from his boat deck.

─ Don't worry about it, Killer has your back, even if he doesn't show it, he feels sorry for you and your unfortunate encounter with his world, because he was the one with whom you vented the most as if he were your own mother, he will do everything possible by talking to Kid so that don't expose you to so many dangers.

─ Kid agreed to be more 'soft' about your weakness since you were useful in many aspects, you know, you're not stupid and you know how to adapt despite being terribly scared.

─ The good side, you were stopped from involving yourself in small crew tournaments, be it wrestling, drinking, or even a little thumb wrestling, not to mention you wouldn't actively participate in anything that required force or violence.

─ The bad side, they started treating you like the most fragile person on the planet (Kid no, he just stopped being less of an idiot with you), you constantly had Heat and Wire as your personal bodyguards but there came a point where it was ridiculous even for you.

─ It's not like you've never felt scared (or harassed) of someone in your other life, not that you were a warrior, but if you had to throw punches, you were going to.

─ This is how you began to learn to fight with Killer, although he didn't like the idea very much either, he accepted because it never hurts to know something about defense.

─ They all agreed not to bombard you too much either with questions or tasks, they knew what would trigger your anxiety and didn't want you sticking any more forks anywhere else in their bodies, Wire was good at calming you down in the moments you were within a second of hysteria.

─ You couldn't determine if you preferred to suffer in your previous life or in this one, but you thought that being here gave you the courage to live that you didn't have before and you believed that you could improve your person now that you didn't feel so much social pressure on you, in a certain way, you were free.

#strawhats x reader #kid pirates x reader #heart pirates x reader #reader insert #student!reader #isekai #isekaed!reader #one piece #op #one piece x reader #headcannons #kid pirates #heart pirates #strawhats #x reader #luffy #usopp #nami #robin #chopper #kid #killer #heat #wire #law #bepo #shachi #penguin #franky #brook

[kiki-strike]

azula thoughts (from someone who was also a psychotic 14 year old)

hi! i have seen a lot of azula thoughts and i thought i'd add my own because i have a perspective not everybody has. i'm ignoring anything in the comics because i don't like them.

i don't think azula has schizophrenia. she was under a huge amount of stress since ty lee and mai switched sides, and even more when she was supposed to be crowned fire lord. i think she had a stress-induced psychotic episode. early onset schizophrenia is super rare and she is under a huge amount of stress when she has her breakdown.

psychotic episodes (brief psychotic disorder) last less than a month. obviously this doesn't mean everything gets awesome afterwards, because azula has a lot of issues before the psychotic episode, but it does mean that the hallucinations (ursa), delusions (firing all the staff) would stop. of course that might not happen, because brains don't like being put into boxes, but here's what i think would happen.

azula is admitted to inpatient. azula spends a little while getting stabilized, enough that she's able to look like she's not experiencing symptoms anymore. she would definitely lie about her symptoms. i did. pretty much every abused child in a psych ward lies. of course they would probably keep her a bit longer for observation (in which case azula would spend this time manipulating staff (like i did)), but they would have to let her go eventually, and it would be way less time than a year.

she would probably be released into zuko's custody (disapproving noise) and i think zuko would understand that azula needs to get the hell out of the fire nation in order to heal like he did, in order to figure out things like who she is without ozai and what she really wants to do, outside of his influence and (implied) threats.

i think azula moves to an earth kingdom town, somewhere small and sleepy where she has limited contact with everyone from her own life. where she has complete control over her own life, and no control over anyone else's (unlike under ozai, where she controlled other people because ozai controlled her). where she learns how to talk to people without scaring them. where she learns how to say sorry over small things first. baby steps.

i think eventually she definitely should apologize to everybody she wronged (the gaang, the fire squad, the people she banished). but not right away. there's a reason why making amends is step 9 and not step 1. azula is a very powerful, abused child. which means that her situation is just terrible for everyone involved.

azula deserved better. yes she did bad things. but that's what happens when everything around you is bad. zuko got to get out because he was in an environment that wasn't 100% terrible. azula just hasn't got that yet. i like to think that she did after the series ends.

#too much writings #azula #atla azula #atla #azula redemption #princess azula #avatar the last airbender #this isnt me being an anti-zuko fan. i love zuko #but i also love azula #she is dear to me

[bts-hyperfixation]

Outside of the Fox

Chapter 34 of 35

2785 words

Y/N longs for a new life when the one she’d been living comes to an abrupt stop. Without much thought to those she is leaving behind, the little fox packs a backpack and disappears. She stumbles across the shelter and makes an interim home for herself while she works out exactly what she wants from her second chance.

Last

“And he really said he wanted to meet me?” Namjoon asks for the fifth time.

Jungkook is stood by the door to the annexe tying his laces while you brief Namjoon on how to get to the doctor’s office; not that you really need to, Jungkook is perfectly capable of getting the two of them to Dr Treiver’s appointment on time. But Namjoon seemed less than convinced of Jungkook’s progress.

Which is part of the reason dr Treiver had asked for Namjoon to accompany the rabbit to his session rather than you.

“Yes Namjoon, I am certain. Now go before you’re late,” You scold, pushing him towards the foyer.

He holds up his hands in defeat, and Jungkook takes ahold of one, pulling him along so they don’t end up being late. 

They disappear around the side gate as you watch them through the still open front door.

You feel a bit put out, your routine broken by not taking Jungkook out for therapy. It’s been about ten weeks now since it began, and you had taken him without fail to each one. It was really slow progress, but there had been definite progress. Jungkook was now able to share a room with the builders without twitching too much AND you were able to go into the ice cream shop last week! Sure you were the only customers, but there were two teenagers behind the register that he only hid from briefly.

“Are you going to stand there until they come back?” Hoseok asks.

He makes you jump as his arm snakes around your shoulder.

“Your feet are really going to start to hurt,” Yoongi says, going around you to close the door.

The older man settles on your other side and places an arm around your waist. They turn you around and bring you over to the large plush sofa in the middle of the room. It’s a great L-shape sofa Jungkook had insisted on so it was big enough for the eight of you to pile together, far more comfortable than the 3-seater you had had in the main house before. 

They cage you in between them and Hobi rests his head on your shoulder 

“They’ll be okay you know,”Hoseok comforts.

“Of course I know that,” You roll your eyes.

However, the knot in the pit of your stomach doesn’t untie. You lean your head against his and take a deep breath.

“And you made fun of us for being so concerned about Jungkook when we met,” Yoongi chuckles, he strokes your leg comfortingly.

“I didn’t make fun… I just thought it was odd…” You shrug “And I’m more concerned about Namjoon than Jungkook right now,”

“Now that might be a valid concern,” Yoongi agrees.

_______________

Meanwhile Jungkook switches off the engine as he parks outside of the doctor’s office. Namjoon has driven him nuts the entire drive. He is certain the man means well but all he is doing is making the anxiety in Jungkook’s stomach feel like it did on that very first session again. He lets out a low whine as Namjoon asks him for the fifth time if he is really sure about going in to the appointment. 

“Oh Bunny, if you really are that stressed out we don’t have to go,” 

Namjoon reaches out a hand to pat Jungkook on the shoulder, but Jungkook flinches away.

“I’M FINE,” he snaps.

Namjoon looks taken aback. He has never been shouted at by a pack member before now, especially not Jungkook.

“I am okay, Namjoon,” He sighs reacting to the sadness in his leaders eyes, "You are making me more nervous.”

"I'm sorry," Namjoon answers, his voice small.

Jungkook's hands begin to tremble and he longs to lean over and curl into his leader like he always has done, but he knows the minute he does it's like giving in. Instead he takes a deep breath and closes his eyes like the doctor taught him, steadying his nerves on his own. Namjoon sighs and opens the door, letting himself out of the car. Jungkook follows suit a moment later and allows Namjoon to take his hand falling into step beside him. The younger man leads his partner through to the doctor.

“Good afternoon Jungkook, this must be Namjoon,” 

The elder gentleman smiles warmly at the pair, extending his hand to Namjoon. Namjoon greets the man, warily taking up the offer of a hand shake. Doctor Treiver nods curtly and motions for them to both sit on the sofa. 

Out of instinct, Jungkook sits almost on top of Namjoon before realising and shuffling over to allow for more space. Namjoon can't help but feel a little lost, unsure of what to do with himself if he isn’t comforting Jungkook.

The first half of the session went as could be expected of a therapy session. The doctor focused most of his attention on Jungkook, walking through anything and everything Jungkook was willing to talk about. Today that seemed to consist of renovation plans. 

Namjoon rolled his eyes. This is what Seokjin was paying for? Seemed like an absolute waste of money if you asked him... Not that anyone did lately…

Only on his fifth eye roll did he realise the doctor was now watching him instead of Jungkook. The bear looked down at his feet, suddenly finding the hideous carpet pattern to be the most interesting thing on the planet. 

"Jungkook, you've done a fantastic job today. I can tell you're really excited about this room painting you and Y/N have been doing and I do want to talk more about it," Doctor Treiver says, then he turns to Namjoon, “However I was hoping we could talk to Namjoon and you together today, would that be okay?”

Jungkook and the doctor both turn to Namjoon expectantly. 

Namjoon won't meet the doctor's eyes despite the clear invitation to speak. He hadn't considered he would be the one in the hot seat, prepared to observe, not participate. 

“Okay, let’s try this slowly. Jungkook are you comfortable with me talking to Namjoon about things we have discussed in past sessions? Please understand you can say no,” Treiver says gently.

“Namjoon knows everything about me, doctor, you can talk about whatever you need.” The bunny confirms.

Namjoon prepares himself to be psychoanalysed by this almost complete stranger, thinking somehow this man was going to blame him for every single one of Jungkook’s problems, reaffirming what Namjoon already thought about himself. He braced himself to hear all of his worst thoughts realised by a professional, to hear how he wasn’t fit to have one mate let alone be the leader of such a large pack.

But the negativity never came. In fact, it seemed that while Namjoon had been spiralling inside his own head, the doctor had been commending him for how he had handled Jungkook so far.

“Jungkook’s condition goes back a very long time from what I can see. I think it is a credit to you and your family that he is able to function outside of his birth family unit at all”

The doctor went on to talk about how Jungkook had confided in him about his fear that he had only gotten worse since moving in with Namjoon, no longer able to be independent at all. This made Namjoon cringe until the doctor continued. The elder man explained how this was much more likely to be a response to the new sensation of safety that Jungkook was experiencing, he was finally comfortable enough to shut down and protect himself in the way prey animals typically want to, hiding from the perceived threat of the world outside his burrow, his home.

It was a lot of information to take in. Ever since Jungkook had started therapy, Namjoon had been terrified he would be blamed, that they would find out he wasn’t able to support the people he loved. It hurt to find out that Jungkook had been concerned about his worsening state and hadn’t been able to voice it, but at the same time Namjoon hadn’t brought it up to him either, his fear that Jungkook would want to leave consuming him. He'd be lying if he said it wasn't a little reassuring to hear the doctor blame Jungkook’s father instead. 

The bear rests his hand on Jungkook’s leg and squeezes reassuringly, more to ground himself than his mate. He isn’t sure he truly understands what this therapy is going to do for Jungkook in the long run, and in the short term, it’s just hurting his head. But he is happy that Jungkook has someone outside of the pack to trust.

The doctor glances up at the clock and Namjoon’s gaze follows, only five minutes remain in the session.

“Jungkook would you be comfortable enough to sit in the waiting room on your own for the remainder of the session? Ms. Harris, my assistant is right behind the desk for you, and you can come immediately back inside here if it is too overwhelming for you?” Dr Triever asks carefully.

Jungkook’s eyes go wide and Namjoon can see the immediate rise in his hackles as his panic response begins to activate. Jungkook’s hand finds Namjoon’s and squeezes tightly before the bear has a chance to react. Instinctually he pulls Jungkook into his lap and holds him close, whispering gently into his ears reminding him to breathe. 

“I’ll take that as a no…” The doctor tilts his head observing. “That’s okay, a little too soon for public spaces I see, not a problem, you can stay right here,” 

He makes a note on his paper as Jungkook carefully unfurls himself from Namjoon’s arms, revealing his tear-stained cheeks to the room. 

“Would it be possible for me to see you alone another time Namjoon? I would also like to discuss the tension you yourself show around Jungkook as his primary support system”

“What do you mean the tension I show!?” Namjoon asks, a little sharply.

“That tension Mr. Kim” The doctor states, returning to honorifics in response to the change in tone.

Namjoon looks a little ashamed of himself for snapping at the man, immediately aware of the way his demeanour changes when Jungkook’s scent sours. 

“Right doctor, of course… Do you have any appointments later this week?” He has zero interest in having his brain examined by a shrink, but he would do anything for Jungkook, or anyone in his home. 

“You can arrange with my assistant on your way out. Thank you so much for coming on request Namjoon. Jungkook, I look forward to seeing you next time” The doctor opens the door and ushers the pair back into the waiting room.

___________________

You and Yoongi had just finished showering when Namjoon and Jungkook returned. You had managed to find more than a few ways to keep your mind from wandering to how their joint session might’ve been going. Hoseok had regretfully had to go in for the early shift at the karaoke place, although the two of you had tried very hard to make him call in sick to keep you company. That man had an iron resolve, any other member of your pack would’ve folded the instant your shirt left your body. 

Both men were stood before you in one piece, and with no police escort, which meant the session must’ve gone much better than you had given them credit for. Yoongi had money on Namjoon insulting the doctor in some way that would result in a restraining order; and while you had a little more faith, the issue of Namjoon’s ego and temper had made you a little nervous of the potential outcome.

Still, the pair didn’t seem overly eager to share what had actually happened within the meeting, only sharing that Namjoon would be returning on his own later in the week. So instead of talking about it, you got comfy on the sofa and waited for your other lovers to return to you.

By nine pm, Taehyung still wasn’t home. This had become the norm in recent weeks, but it didn’t make you any less sad. He claimed his family were just being needy at the moment and promised it would finish soon and he'd be home more, but each time he said that, he seemed less and less convinced by his own words. 

The house was at a loss without him too. You'd all been together for such a short time, but one person missing felt long a limb had been detached. Lately, Taehyung wasn't even bothering to join any of you in bed, if he came home at all. You'd all wake up to find him sleeping on the sofa cuddling a pillow, still fully dressed from the day before. Jimin was furious with him, he'd given him the silent treatment for about an hour before he caved. Taehyung had seemed far too sad to stay mad at him. 

After yet another night of watching Jungkook and Jimin mope, while the others were just restless, you decide enough is enough. It's obvious that Taheyung is unhappy with how much his parents are piling on, and it's obvious that no one around here is going to be comfortable until he is back to his normal self. So it's time someone did something about it. 

You text Taehyung to make sure he is not on the way home, only to receive 'Sorry babe, probably going to just sleep here' as a response almost immediately.

You feel a little guilty about your next move, but it needs to be done. You check the Find My Phone app and track Taehyung, finding his parents' home address. Grabbing Yoongi's car keys, you tell the others you're heading to the store and then you follow the little green dot all the way to a very large estate.

You chew your lip the entire drive, feeling guilty about lying to the others about where you were going, feeling even guiltier about stalking Taehyung's phone to find him. You contemplate turning off to actually go to the store and leaving Taehyung alone, but you just can't shake the feeling he needs help, and more than anything you just want to see him. 

You drive up a dauntingly long driveway and park Yoongi's car next to Taehyung's. The door is equally as imposing with a large golden knocker right in the middle, it reminds you a little of your ex-husband's parents' house, and it really drives home exactly how much money must be behind Taehyung's family. You grab the knocker and bang before your nerves get the better of you, although you find yourself wondering if it's loud enough when no one immediately comes to the door.

You shuffle your feet awkwardly as you wait, it feels like hours until the huge wooden door swings open revealing an ageing gentleman in a suit. 

"Good evening Madam, I'm afraid we will not be needing anything you're selling today," He says and moves to shut the door.

"Wait!" You say a little too loud.

The man pauses with the door ajar.

"I'm here to see Taehyung,"

"Master Taehyung did not make us aware of any visitors and he is extremely busy. He is unavailable to be seen."

"Bu... but" You stammer trying to think of a plausible excuse for your random late night appearance.

The older gent just raises an eyebrow as if he is waiting for something entertaining, knowing you have no straws to grasp at. 

"He sent me his location and told me to bring him some clothes, they are in the car..."

"Master Taehyung has plenty of clothes here. Now I must ask that you leave now miss, before I have to escalate the situation.

Once again the man moves to shut the door. You sigh and resign yourself to having to give up, turning to make your way back towards the car. It probably wouldn't do to linger too long, families like this have a penchant for calling police on people they deem to be trespassing. You watched your own butler deal with the police far through the crack in your curtain far too often to think the threat would be a bluff.

Dejectedly, you take one last look at the large house. It really was a beautiful build with ivy hanging from trellises scaling the walls. If you had to guess you probably put the house at at least 200 years old. The stonework seemed old but wonderfully maintained and the windows had that slightly warped appearance that only old glass possessed. Observing more closely, you could see a very familiar, but confused, face staring back at you through one of those windows.

Next

Masterlist

Sorry about the disappearing act.... it will probably happen again ngl. Also that 35 chapter thing was complete bull we are going so much further than that I guess....

#bts fic #bts smut #kpop fic #kpop smut #namjoon smut #jungkook smut #seokjin smut #teahyung smut #jimin smut #yoongi smut #hoseok smut #hybrid bts #bts hybrids #bunny jungkook

[itstheghostofmypast]

My Little Stress Eater

Five X F.Reader

(Headcanons)

Summary: "What? I eat when I'm stressed okay?!" Y/N has always been a shy little wreck, more or less the only way Five could tell she wasn't feeling her best was when she would start eating the same proportions as Luther. If that wasn't all, the more closed off she was, the more he wanted to know about her.

Point of Headcanon: Nothing really, just wanted to write about an S/O that was closed off and resorted to stress eating when nervous - kinda got too personal while writing😭🥺 apologies in advance

Gif credit to owner

Note: Five is around 21 when he is hired by the Handler and so is Y/N.

Genre: Fluff

Five X FemReader

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After Five is hired, the Handler tells him to meet his partner.

"She will be in an Irish bar".

"How will I know it's her?"

"Think of it like it's a test, you'll figure it out."

That lady was a crack head and he was sure of it. Making his way into the Irish bar at midnight he sees dozens of men with their female companions, all rowdy and noisy. Eyes scanning the room till he finds someone at the corner table, a corner illuminated by a single spot light on top.

Was she ...stress eating?

He walks over to her table and stands their, watching her stuff a pastry in her mouth.

"Commission?"

She looks up at him with a mouth full of what he assumed was a chocolate tart, before swallowing and quickly wiping her face with a napkin.

"Y-yes you must be Mr.Five."

"Mind if I sit down?"

"N-no not at all please, Sir"

"okay, stop with the Sir "

"Yes Sir-I mean Mr.- I mean..."

"So you're a stress eater huh?"

"...sorry about that"

"It's fine, as long as it doesn't mess with our work."

So here's the thing, he thought she was stress eating for the mission, getting cold feet ya know. But turns out she can kill better and faster than he can, and works with knives like she's painting- something Diego should learn to do. 

The problem with the stress eating only rose up everytime the two were either done with the mission or the aftermath of the mission.

He really has no clue why because she never really speaks to him. Even  after a year of working with her he only knows a handful of things about her; her name, age and that she's a stress eater.

He does deduce that she isn't much of a talker, conversations are things she truly avoids the most- he figured that out after a mission, when the two were driving back and "Put Your Head On My Shoulder" by Paul Anka began to play, and for some ungodly reason it made him feel...weird so he changed the channel. Not a minute after she carefully reached for the button and switched it back to the song, looking out her window again- okay, so she likes music too. He didn't change it after though.

It's not like she wouldn't respond to him when hed ask her something. He just noticed how she would be calmly sitting while she was alone and as soon as hed come and ask her anything, she'd become a nervous wreck- which is why he had asked the Handler numerous times to let the girl work alone but the blonde would refuse.

Almost 2 years in he decides it's best to confront her about this.

"If you don't mind me asking"

He begins to ask her one day, after working together for 2 year. Sitting in the same bar, the whole year went like a cycle. 

"Yes?"

"What stresses you out?"

Unfortunately, that had forced her to flush pink. Gulping down her coffee in one go before wheezing out, hissing at the warmth. 

Panicking he grabs a glass of cold water and gives it to her, helping her drink. 

"You know what, nevermind Y/N."

And she quietly sips the water and he goes to the bar, getting her another pastry.

That went work well

A few years later, when both are in their late 20s. The two are cornered on a mission and they end up in an alley- a dead end. Five tries to blink them away but he's out of juice and she's out of ammunition.

And she turns to look at him

"Five! Blink away please"

"I can't Y/N, I'm out of juice-"

"Then run! I'll distract them!"

"Are you stupid!?"

"Please just go! You'll finally have no partner that way-"

"WHAT? YOU THINK THATS WHAT- OH MY GOD." 

Fortunately, the new birthed anger had given the man an emotional burst that charged his powers. Eventually he was able to get them out of their.

Back at the motel he confronts her and she's about to dip when he's just:

"NO. NO EATING NO RUNNING AWAY. ANSWER MY QUESTION."

"I...I heard you and the handler and-"

"You've been distracted since then? Wait...no you wanted to- are you INSANE?"

"No, I could've handled them I was ...I.."

Five feels like he's about to explode, never has he met anyone so closed off - he thought he was secretive but this was just messed up.

"You what Y/N, just...I just want to know"

"I like ...I mean...it's you I ...why do u want to get rid of me?"

"I don't....I just asked her because you seem so uncomfortable around me and we've known each other for years but-"

Cue her going to the minifridge to look for something and he goes after her to stop her. 

"Do you...like me"

"Perhaps...."

Cue Five grabbing her face and crashing his lips on hers. And he's glad when she responds, clinging onto him.

So after  years of knowing each other she lets him in; ever so slowly though. 

And he realised how different they were, he was impatient and impulsive, while she was patient and immensely shy. While he would spit out his opinion and shun down any other, she would nod and remain quiet. He would lose his appetite when stressed, while hers would increase to large proportions. He preferred math and science, while she preferred myths and folklore- coming down to an imperial science Vs social sciences.

Though there were strong similarities between the two, both prefer peace and quiet, neither enjoys killing and most of all, both of them are always ready to sacrifice themselves for the other.

Their relationship is no secret, everyone in the commission knows about them and may have titled them as 'The Beauty and the Beast' - though she sees no beast when she looks at five and assures him that she has killed way more people when she was first hired at the age of 15.

Soon enough, Five decides he wants to marry her- though he is unsure if she is ready for such a big change, so he decides to drop hints.

Like leaving a bouquet around their apartment for her, or getting her random souvenirs on their missions. Being extra nice to her- every cliche thing he could find in any book about romance- yes, the boy had decided to refer to a book when it came to feelings as well.

But almost three months with this routine and he gets no reaction out of her, in fact, he personally feels as if she is more distant- like she was when they first met. Initially he thought it was his usual paranoia , but one night when they came home late from a mission and she chose to sleep in the guest room, that was the last straw- he was sure she had begun to hate him.

Next morning he decides to confront her about this- only to find her standing next to the kitchen counter that was lined up with a dozen dishes.

He slowly taps the counter to get her attention and she turns to him with eyes as wide as saucers, wiping her mouth with her sleeve and clearing her throat 

"Love, are you alright? You've been nervous all week and...I'm .worried".

He approaches her slowly, speaking in a hushed voice, call it something about her he liked the most, her fragility. He wasn't the best with words and as he got to know her more, he realised how important it was to choose your words carefully, to speak in tones that do not trigger the other. At first he felt like it was walking on eggshells, but she had told him how it is important to consider the other person's feelings as well- she was possibly the most empathetic person he had ever had the luck to meet and he was glad she was his.

So there he stands in the kitchen, walking closer to her as she stares at her shoes. Gently holding her chin he tilts her head up, "Please, at this rate you'll eat half the world's rations."

At this she let out a small giggle, music to his ears. A sound so pleasant and calming, a sound he hadn't heard for a while.

"Well?"

"I...will you break up with me?" 

"What?!"

"W-well you've been so nice to me and...I just, you were also reading that book I have you about...feelings and stuff and-"

"I'm unsure if I should be more concerned about the fact that being nice made you assume the worst of me or that a woman who knows more about any culture about the world, is able to kill faster than light with ease, is too dumb to see what's Infront of her."

"W-what"

"I was trying to lead you to realise I want to marry you."

"WHAT-"

"Will you?"

She stares up and him and grabs him by the lapels of his shirt, pulling him closer, their noses touching, whispering;

"Why cant you just use words Five?"

"Why cant you just accept grand gestures,  darlin?"

He smirks down at her, arms wrapped around her waste.

"So, what's it going to be?"

"Yes."

"Good, because I wasn't gonna take no for an answer."

With that the two were married, a small wedding, quiet one too, one that was not known by anyone at the commission. Neither wanted to involve a lot of useless people, especially those who really meant nothing to them.

Either way, Five had told her about the apocalypse and how he wanted to go back. And much like his expectations, not only did she listen to him intently but also began to eat her dinner a bit faster- she was stressed for HIM.

"Y/N, why are you nervous about that, God-"

"B-but that's so sad and you were just a kid"

"NO, NO I AM NOT GIVING YOU MY RICE- "

Either way she ended up eating off his plate too, not that he minded.

Fast forward to the couple standing there staring at the portal. He reached to hold her hand, glancing her her determined face;

"Nervous?"

"No"

"Didn't see you devour anything today either so, if you're having second thoughts -"

"I'm not nervous because we're together."

With that Five felt his heart almost burst with joy and the two jumped into the portal, to 2019.

All that confidence went down the drain when she saw his siblings, then turned to look at a young Five.

"Shit"

The kitchen scene is the siblings personal favourite. Not only was their sibling's wife immensely tensed (visibily) she had also ended up eating Five's sandwich - for while he was arguing with Luther, she delicately pulled it out of his hand and out of habit he had let her take it. Only to realise what had happened after she had finished.

"Wheres my sa-seriously?"

"Sorry"

Everyone was amazed how this girl had to potential to tame their psychotic brother. Even after he came back with another suit case, just as Luther had told everyone about the world ending and no one wanted in on it, which had lef him to throw sissy fit, she had simply placed her hand on his shoulder, speaking up for him,

"This isn't a personal gain anymore, I know all of you have something or someone at stake but right now, the whole world being at stake is more important."

Five had never seen them actually agree on anything, let alone listen to anyone, but she had the magic to get them to do so.

Another thing the siblings notice is the way the couple communicates, usually it would be Five pacing around and mumbling stuff and she'd be eating something and listening. 

When the eye became useless, Five was about to explode, but when he turned to look at her, she gave him a soft, reassuring smile. And for a moment Kluas had witnessed his brother malfunction, staring at her a bit too long before going back to losing his mind.

To be honest, Allison felt that the raging teen hormones were only affecting their brother and not her.

Luther was sure of that. While Diego had somewhat developed and older brother character around her, his first instinct being to protect her. Something that Five had noticed to which he felt the need to say;

"Don't underestimate her jackass, she can kick your a** to the moon and back".

However , the 60's were the worst, for when they arrived, none of them were together- that included her. It was safe to say that Five was scared shitless, because she was not around him. He was more paranoid and impatient, so when he met Elliot and he saw a photo of her, he felt much better. Until he realised that she had ended up with Klaus, which was either a very good combination of a horrible one.

Luckily when the hippie arrives to the place where everyone is, Y/N follows in suit. As soon as she locks eyes with Five she runs to him, burying her face in his neck as he pulls her closer, not concerned about what his siblings would think of, whispering to her;

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry I left you."

"It's okay, it wasn't in your control... plus Klaus started a cult and he's a great therapist"

"Danke my lady."

"You started a CULT? HOW MANY OF YOU MANAGED TO AFFECT THE TIMELIN-"

But before he has the chance to blow up she pulls him down for a kiss, then let's go, leaving him standing their angry and embarrassed.

Giving Klaus the opportunity to say:

"Children keep it PG here."

As things get worse, especially after Elliot is killed and Lila turns out to be the Handler's help, they stand their watching their names flash on the TV as terrorists, other than her and his, because apparently they were hostages.

"It's true, sometimes I do feel like I'm being held hosta- please stop eating the tuna jelly, please."

"IM SORRY OKAY BUT DO YOU SEE HOW WR ARE TOTALLY F***ED FIVE? I MEAN JUST LOOK AT THIS!"

Five stares at her confused then nods before turning to his siblings,

"I'm impressed, we broke my empathetic, soft spoken, polite stress eating wife."

Luckily, as soon as Five is able to save them, yet again, at Sissy's farm, they teleport back to 2019, this time ready for a peaceful life, only they end up finding themselves face to face with the Sparrow Academy.

"Five?"

"Yeah"

"I think I just lost my appetite"

"But love, I'm sure they have a whole kitchen stocked for you to devour"

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Note: Please excuse the horrid formatting, I wrote this on my phone and technology ain't working out for me these days. Either way, I hope ya'll like it'

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