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chokepoet · 8 months

Text

Cruelty & Empathy 18+

gif by @romulussy

Summary | A night alone in the office has Roman and his assistant escalating their tension past a point of no return. The aftermath of which leads to confessions that will change the trajectory of their relationship forever.

Genre | Angst, Fluff, Porn With Plot

Content | anxiety, biting, blood, bondage, choking, crying, dom/sub tones, degradation, dirty talk, mentions of past physical abuse, power struggles, thigh riding, sadomasochism, slapping, spitting

Word Count | 8.5k

A/N: Y’all this fic is fuckin’ filthyyyy… but like in a romantic way??? I wasn’t going to share it but my best friend insisted. If y’all hate this I volunteer as tribute for boar on the floor lmao

Roman Roy’s Office | 10:33 pm

He was sprawled out across the couch as if this were his family’s private estate. It might as well have been. The building’s climate control always seemed to be blowing a peculiar air. One that felt like his father breathing down the back of his neck at all times. Left calf draped over the backrest, right hand cradling a whiskey, and head tilted back over the armrest. His once-slick hair now hung limp, with loose strands reaching for the carpet below. His upside-down gaze willed me to stop my attempts at meeting our deadline and to focus solely on him instead.

My bank account's dwindling had my morals emaciated. They’d weakly played tug of war with my last braincell when I'd accepted Roman’s job offer nearly two years prior. About 6 months into being his assistant, I found myself earning another role: his best friend. His only friend. My typing picks up speed as I contemplate what level of fucked-up I had to be in order to actually enjoy this job. I decide it must have been top-tier when my thoughts drift to the one Roy that had me feeling this way.

In the past 22 months, I came to understand Roman better than anyone else ever had. He somehow wormed his way into gaining just as much insight into me as well. It made me feel strangely protective over him. Oddly enough, he seemed to reciprocate. We still rarely aloud ourselves vulnerability in the presence of the other. We much preferred self-immolation. I don’t think he ever intended to grow so attached to me. He certainly would never admit to it. If you had asked me if the feeling was mutual, I’d lie through my teeth.

I loved him madly.

I don’t exactly know when or how it happened. I do, however, vividly remember when I first realized he held something soft for me.

Siena, Italy | 4:21 am

He was drunk off his ass, his head resting on my shoulder. He had been leaning into my frame for support long before he even needed it. Roman mumbled something about liking me because I was the only “sad sack of shit” in the office who could make him laugh. I asked him why I was a sad sack and not just a regular sack. He blew out a huff of air, causing his lips to trill. The sound was quickly preceded by the flipping of his wrists in a few circles.

“Isn't it obvious?” I nudged my shoulder against his head.

“Because I work for your sorry ass?”

He clumsily tapped the tip of my nose with his right pointer finger, nearly blinded my left eye in the process.

“Bingo, bongo, banjo.” The nonsensical words tumbled out and the rest of his drink tumbled in. “Itstheeyes.” I’d been unable to make out the slurred syllables mumbled just under his breath. For all I knew, they could’ve been Latin for ‘bastard’.

“What?” He dropped his now-empty glass into a historic fountain as we passed. I stopped to try and fish it out, but he dragged me away. I remember wondering if he had made a wish on it in his drunken haze. Rich and careless enough to pretend it was a penny. Maybe that had been why he was so adamant about me not retrieving it. My mind wandered as I pondered what Roman could have possibly wished for. His father's approval? An endless supply of luxurious Korean face creams? A pair of stunning Italian supermodels to lean into instead of me?

Tripping over his own two feet, I instinctively gripped his bicep. Stubborn as ever, he shoved me and muttered something along the lines of 'fuck off'. God forbid he’d take my help. Throwing my hands up, I left him to walk alone a few steps ahead of me. He weaved for a while before slowing his pace until he could lay his head back on my shoulder.

A beat passed, where the only sound was the soft crunch of our shoes against the weathered cobblestone. I caught one of his bleary eyes peeking over at my face. Content with whatever it was he found, he nodded to himself.

“Yep.” He popped his lips on the 'p' and absentmindedly kicked a pebble from our path. “It's the eyes. Sad sack of shit eyes. You've got 'em.” The laugh that had left me seemed much too loud as it ricocheted off every crumbling brick ahead of us. Roman smiled proudly for a moment. “I love your laugh.” The words were said mostly to himself. My cheeks warmed considerably.

“Really? It's obnoxious as all hell.” His brows furrowed, and he shook his head.

“No, it's fuckin’—fuck off. No, it's not.” He kicked another stone. “It's pretty. Pretty like… like your face.” Pretty. “Nothin’ like a hyena.” Hyena? “I think I'm gonna puke.”

He did.

Roman’s Office | 10:47 pm

“Hi.” A small voice lounging across from me pulls my attention. I look up from the computer and rest my head in my hand, my elbow propped on his desk.

“Hi.” I smile softly with a raised brow.“Need somethin’?” The grin that breaks across his features is almost childlike. His big brown eyes could even be mistaken for innocent; I knew better.

“As a matter of fact…” Extremely happy to have garnered my attention, he pulls himself to a sitting position. “Yes!” With a swift motion, he slams his whiskey onto the coffee table. The sharp sound of glass on glass reverberates throughout the room.

“Yes?”

“Yes?” His voice drops into a cartoonish impersonation of my own. His hand was still clasped around his drink for some reason. Flipping his face up to me with a saccharine simper, he adds, “Will you kindly suck my cock?”

“Will you kindly go fuck yourself?” My impression of him was just as cartoonish as his of me. The hand holding my head returns to typing. Groaning loudly, he lets go of his glass to dramatically fall back into the couch.

“Will you? ‘Cause I’m fuckin’ bored!” He drags out his words until they turn to whine. “This is fucking boring. Aren’t you bored?”

“Yes, you’re extremely boring.”

“Hurr-hurr.” He mocks while crinkling his nose. “I’ll have you know I’m anything but and am widely known as delightful company.” A snort escapes my nose and Roman smiles.

“Really? I thought you were widely known as a terrible person.” He rolls his eyes as I quote his cousin.

“Yeah, yeah fuck you.” He gives me the finger. I flip him off in return. “The fuck does Nosferatu fuckin’ know anyways?” The nickname makes me chuckle and has Roman mimicking Greg. “Oh, I—I couldn’t help but—couldn’t help but notice that my gargantuan height may be alarm—alarming the schoolchildren. I—is that why Iverson is um c—crying? Or is he like, I—I mean, is he… y—ya know… special?”

The laughter still bubbled up uncontrollably even as I tried maintaining focus on the task at hand. My passive interest towards Roman was annoying him to no end.

“Come on! I want entertainment! Entertain me, woman!” I roll my eyes. A cinnamon tinted stare was steady burning apertures into my features, willing me to stop ignoring him. “Come—Come on…” His hands outstretch in my direction, middle and index finger beckoning quickly. “Come show big daddy watcha got.” As soon as the words leave his mouth, my typing stops and I fully turn my attention towards him. His face contorts in a grimace already knowing what was to come. My brows raise as I slowly repeat his words back to him.

“Come show big daddy what I got?” Roman’s hands drag down his face and he groans loudly as soon as big leaves my mouth.

“Oh, fuck y—shut the fuck up.” He sinks lower into the couch with high hopes of it swallowing him whole. The smile that breaks across my features is downright malevolent. I couldn’t recall having ever seen him this embarrassed. Surprising, considering all the lewd shit he spews at me daily. There was something sick inside me that enjoyed it. The urge to play cat rather than mouse overtakes me.

“No, no, no. I just want to understand you clearly, Mr. Roy.” Our dynamic had never been much of a professional one. I couldn’t recall the last time I had addressed him so formally but I wanted to really get under his skin. Oddly enjoying my place in its prickled embrace. Rising from my chair, I place both palms on the desk and lean forward with a pout. “Are you saying you wanna shut me up with your cock, big daddy?”

“I’m going to fucking kill myself.” He was pinching the bridge of his nose.

“Aw! Weawwy, Daddy? Jus' 'cause I won't suwck yo big thick cock?” At that, a cushion flies towards my head. I narrowly catch it as I’m doubling over in laughter. He’s standing now, hands overtly animated.

“I swear to GOD, I’m going to fucking—fuck! Fuck you! Out the window!” He’s angrily pointing towards the giant window panes beside him. “I’m going to throw you out the fucking window!”

“Oh wow, you’re gonna fuck me out the window?” His face was the deepest shade of crimson I had ever seen it.

“If you don’t shut the fuck up, I swear to Christ I’ll—“

“You’ll what?” I was doing a piss-poor job at stifling my laughter.

“I just fucking told you. Ass through glass.” He dismissively waves a hand in the air.

“Bullshit.” Finally looking at me, I cross my arms. His eyes flicker to my chest. “You don’t have the balls.”

“Are you saying I don’t have the balls to murder you?” The words come out in a bemused laugh. “I could murder the fuckin’—murder the shit out of you. Easily.”

“Okay.” With a shrug of my shoulders, I feel a dark coil in the back of my mind start to twist. “Prove it.”

“Prove it? You want me to—to what? Throw you through the goddamn window right now?”

I smirk back at him with a shrug, an inkling I had about him spilling to the forefront of my mind. It colors my vision and stains my tongue. If there was ever a time to find out if my suspicions held true, for some reason, I decided that now was the time. The office was definitely empty at this hour, and the privacy blinds were drawn, so no cameras. Risky as all hell, but if things go south, maybe I could play it off as riffing. I could be quite the convincing liar when I needed to be. My mother saw to that.

“See? I knew it.” With hands on my hips, I tilt my head to size him up. My tone shifts into something silky as sin. “You won’t do shit.” The air begins filling with static causing Roman’s lips to twitch. “You and I both know it. Don’t we…” I slide out from behind the desk, feeling taller as I grow closer. Feeling bolder seeing him swallow. “Romulus?” Using his father’s nickname for him causes his nostrils to flare. A clench in the jaw, a quick exhale. I fucking knew it. “So why don’t you just…” Fully standing in front of him now, I look down with a smirk “sit the fuck down and shut the fuck up for once in your life.”

The air was now overcome with static. Thick and heavy. The subjugated desire etched into his features felt so familiar to me. While I had never seen him this way, or anyone else for that matter, I myself had given that look many a time. That inkling I had was no longer an inkling. It had grown roots that smiled with wicked teeth; I was right.

The electric silence between us started to prick at my skin. My bottom lip twitches as it fought against every instinct to fill the silence with some form of an apology. To try and turn my sudden shift from dominance back into normalcy. His eyes dart to my mouth immediately; he knows.

“Make me.” His head slowly tilts upwards, as do the corners of his lips. The heat that had been slowly brewing between us for well over a year licks up my thighs. He was sneering up at me as we stood toe to toe. His burnt espresso eyes had my mind spiraling in their steam. The look on his face said everything. He saw me, he had me, he called my bluff, he won.

No.

My hand wound itself in the silky hair at the nape of his neck and I use it to jerk his head back. His jaw immediately goes slack. Something akin to a whimper escapes his throat. Surprise has my brows raising and Roman feeling embarrassed. His heavy lids fall and he turns himself away. Reaching up with my free hand, I grip his jaw until he’s facing me once again.

“Look at me.” He does in an instant and I’m flooded by a mixture of emotions. Relief, power, love. I never want to forget how he looks beneath my hands. The way his pupils eclipse the hazel of his eyes. The way his freckles scatter under the pinkish hue of a blush. The way his lips part slightly as his breath shakes out across them. Just as my eyes dance across his every feature, his do mine. Is he etching my features into his own memory?

He attempts to lean forward but I hold him steady. Roman wanted to kiss me but I wanted to tease. I press my lips beside his mouth before trailing them along the smooth path of skin leading to his ear. Sucking his skin into my mouth, I bit gently. A soft sound of content slips from his lips, so I trace up the shell of his ear with my tongue. Upon my return, I bite down once more; harder this time. Just as my teeth release him, the fist tangled in his hair gives a sharp tug. His hum bleeds into a moan that has me squeezing my thighs together. A cool plume of air billows past my lips along the now damp skin; goosebumps erupt immediately. I slide my hand from his jaw until my fingers wrap around his throat to hold him.

“Do you like this, Rome?” The soft whisper has him murmuring his satisfaction. “Come on…” I lightly squeeze his throat. “Be a good boy and use your words.” When I pull away to look at his face, I find his lids are nearly shut.

“Y-yeah.” He swallows in an attempt to steady himself. It doesn’t. “Y-yes, I like it.” He could barely look me in the eyes and it made my stomach flip in the best way possible.

“God, you’re so fuckin’ pretty like this.” The words slip out before I have the chance to stop them. He inhales sharply, and the air seems to rattle through his skull. His eyes quickly leave mine as his face warms considerably. My heart beats as if it were trying to rip itself from my chest and collide with his. The blood rushing in my ears was chanting 'I love you' over and over again. My teeth dig into my cheek until the taste of blood envelops my tongue. I'm raging a war with my own body in silence. This newfound power was locking talons with my own subjugated nature and death spiraling through the emotion in my chest.

His pulse was racing underneath my thumb. My voice cascades over his flushed skin as I let feather light kisses rain upon him. His first name glides along the tip of his right cheek, his last over the tip of his left. Hovering just out of his reach, I whisper into his open mouth.

“Tell me what you need.” He desperately tries to press his lips into mine but I just pull back. He grunts in frustration.

“Just fuckin’ kiss me already.”

“No.” Releasing my grip, I shove him into the couch. He trips backwards, gracelessly collapsing into the cushions. I climb onto his lap with my knees pressed to either side of his hips. With one hand, I weave my fist around his tie and pull him to me. My other grips his jaw tightly. “You wanna try that again?” His jaw clenches beneath my fingers. His eyes were wild as they flared up at me. Suddenly, his hands lock onto my hips, hard. He pushes his face into my fingers until the tips of our noses bump together.

“I said, just fucking kiss me and I meant do it now.” His words were caught somewhere between a hiss and a growl. He never could handle the word no, so his response shouldn’t have surprised me, but it did. The power I’d been holding over him was now leaking through the lace under my skirt. My thighs instinctively flex around him and it has him digging his fingers in harder. A liquid heat spreads through my chest at the thought of later seeing the bruises he was surely leaving behind.

“Well?” My teeth clench and the hand holding his jaw twitches. The attitude lacing his voice drug it’s nails up my spine as I’m reminded of how entitled he could be. He wasn’t supposed to be the one making demands anymore. His smile twitches as a darkness blooms behind his glee. “You wanna hit me don’t you?” My grip loosened; my lungs suddenly feeling like he held them in his fist.

“W-what?” I didn’t want to hit him. Did I? He was selfish, he was arrogant, and he could be so goddamn cruel. Still, the urge to physically harm him was something I had never once encountered. Knowing the history of his childhood and having bared witness to his father’s present day violence against him had made me hyper aware of the constant pain pulsing below his surface. My eyes rapidly blink as they search past his burning stare and into the darkened crevices of his soul.

Oh—he wanted me to hurt him.

His need for it radiating from the blackened pits to scald me. It scared me. It scared me because it felt dark. It felt wrong. But it scared me the most of all because suddenly in this moment, I wanted to. “I-I don’t-“

“Shut the fuck up.” Again, my teeth clench and my grip retightens on his jaw. His smile grew. Mother fucker knew what he was doing. He was basking in it.

He reaches for my hand wound in his tie, quickly unraveling before bringing it to his throat. His own then slide towards my ass. Gripping tightly, he pushes me down against his length to make sure I felt how badly he wanted this. He throbbed against my center; he wanted it bad. “Listen to me. You’re gonna let go of my jaw and you’re gonna fuckin’ slap me, aright?” I nod and release him. “Fuckin’ hit me.” As I draw back my palm, his tongue peaks out to wet his bottom lip.

Slap.

My palm makes contact and brushes across his cheek. It was a sad attempt really. Weak. Even though I knew he wanted it, needed it, something inside held me back.

I was still scared of harming him.

“Are you fucking kidding me? Come on!” He roughly digs his fingers into my ass, significantly harder than before. “I said fucking slap me!”

Crack.

I slapped him. Hard. His face jerks to the side. My hand stung as it instinctively goes to cover my mouth in shock of myself. His lips twitch before slowly turning up in a demented grin. A bloom of red seeps out from his bottom lip and his tongue slides across it. With the taste of his own blood, his smile widens. He laughs softly to himself and I slowly lower my hand.

“There she is.” His voice low, a rumbling purr. “You fuckin’ bitch.” The hand I had just used to strike instantly flies into the mess of his hair; our lips collide. A groan escapes, but from which of us—I didn’t know. The metallic taste of him fueled me. It felt frantic, bruising, needy. We pushed ourselves into each other as if we were feral creatures, held captive and starved. Feeding on something we had buried deep inside only to be found behind the teeth of the other. Sucking his tongue into my mouth causes him to moan and set me ablaze.

I force our mouths apart with a pull of his hair; desperately needing to catch my breath and clear my head. Panting heavily, we stare into the depths of the other in quiet disbelief. This was really happening.

“You sure you want this?” I needed to hear him confirm that he did, in-fact, want to go where we were obviously heading. I knew Roman long enough to know he had serious intimacy issues. Their seeming lack of presence in this moment had me in a whirlwind. He pressed himself into my center once again, his nails bruising crescents into my skin.

“What do you fuckin’ think, dumbass?” I let go of his throat and dig my own nails into his jaw to grip him harshly. He openly smiles with swollen lips.

“Tell me then. Tell me exactly what you want.” His expression falters and his jaw tenses beneath my fingers, eyes flickering from mine.

“You know what I fuckin’ want.” His words seep through gritted teeth. I press my forehead to his. Ever so slowly, I begin rhythmically grinding my hips down upon him. The friction causing his eyes to slip shut. A loud groan escapes from somewhere deep within his chest.

“Roman, I swear to God I’ll stop.” He doesn’t say anything so I still my hips. Umber eyes shoot open and he tries to move me himself. I won’t budge. “I will get up and I will fucking leave you here like this. Pathetic and alone with nothing but your hand.” As the words leave my mouth, so do my hips leave his. His brows snap together and tries in vain to pull me back down again. Still, I don’t budge. “I will walk out this door and you will never fucking see me again. Is that what you want?” The threat was hollow but said with a bite that had shaken me. I was falling into this role a little too easily, a little too well.

He gapes up at me when I completely let go of him. Placing my hands on his shoulders, I attempt to push myself off. It’s him who doesn’t budge this time. He yanks me back down with every ounce of strength his small frame contained. The sudden action has all the air escaping my lungs. With a hand clasped to the back of my neck, he seizes me into a searing kiss.

“Whatever you want.” The words frantically rush into my mouth. “I don’t care.” Fighting against the grip on my neck, he finally gives. I pull back to contemplate his words. Tilting my head slightly, my gaze falls to his tie. An idea begins forming as I slowly untie the silk. My nimble fingers unbuttoning his shirt has him intently studying my face. Whatever I want.

Cupping his warm face in one hand, I smear the blood of his bottom lip with my thumb. He parts his mouth and sucks it in. With my other, I reach for Roman’s and slide his own thumb into my waiting mouth. As I swirl my tongue around him, Roman’s eyes darken and he sucks me harder.

Pulling from his lips with a pop, I rub my now wet thumb against his nipple. A soft moan is let loose. My tongue continuously plays with him inside me. He shudders as I pinch the bud beneath my fingers before doing the same to the other. Letting go of his hand, I reach forward to pinch both simultaneously and he groans loudly.

My cheeks hollow around his thumb as he slips it from me. He drags it down my bottom lip and stares intently. Transfixed by my spit glistening in the incandescent light. Cupping my jaw, he pulls me forward to replace his thumb with his tongue. That familiar groan returning when I suck him in. His other hand tangles itself into my staticky waves and he kisses me with everything he has.

“Give me your wrists.” The order was partially muffled against his mouth.

“Huh?” The question was mumbled into my lips.

“I said,” Threading my fingers into his own hair, I pull him back. “give me your fucking wrists.” With a dramatic tug, his tie is jerked from underneath his collar in a rush. He sat still, blinking up at me. The walnut shells of his eyes fall into my hands. There was a slight apprehension, a nervousness to them. “Do you trust me, Rome?”

“Y-yeah.” His voice was hushed as he presents his hands to me and I slowly start wrapping the silk around his wrists.

“We can stop at anytime. You know that, right? Just say the word and I’ll stop immediately.” My reassurance seems to irritate more than comfort. He rolls his eyes with a tilt of the head.

“Would you fuck off? I’m fine.” A crease digs itself into the bridge of his nose and my actions immediately still.

“I’m not going to fuck off unless I know that you know that you’re safe with me, okay?” This dominate role was far from the submissive one I was innately familiar with. We obviously had never discussed boundaries and I didn’t know where the lines were anymore. “I need you to know you can speak up. That I’ll stop the second you tell me to.” Roman looks like he’d rather get a root canal than continue this discussion, but I don’t care. This was far too important. “I need you to know that your comfort is important—that your feelings matter.”

“I fucking know it, alright?” He snapped before groaning and throwing his head back. “God, what the fuck else do you need to know before you just shut the fuck up and get on with it already?” My hand quickly finds its way to his throat with a squeeze. He seems more than pleased by this response.

“Do you wanna fucking cum?”

“Clearly I wanna fuckin’—“ My other hand slaps over his mouth and I can feel him smiling underneath my palm. Roman was gladly trying to piss me off. He was itching to see me lose control; yearned to meet the creature locked inside me. The wicked one I never acknowledged or came near; the demon only he could see. She bathes me in the blood of solidified suspicions.

Roman didn’t want my empathy.

Roman wanted my cruelty.

“Then are you fucking stupid? If you don’t shut the fuck up I’ll make damn sure to have you crying like a little bitch before I even think of letting you cum.” His eyes blackened as he watches my succubuss unhinge her jaw to swallow me whole. “Got it?” He nods quickly. Rapid bursts of air shoot from his nose across the back of my hand. “And lose the fuckin’ attitude.” Removing my hand, I slap him across the mouth; handing myself over to his desires completely.

Having finished binding his wrists and setting them behind his head, I rise from the couch. Standing between his ankles, I unzip my skirt and let it fall to my feet. The muscles in his forearms flex. His tongue peaks between his lips as he gawked at the damp lace between my thighs. Sliding my finger below his chin, I tilt his head until he meets my eyes.

“You know what I want, Roman?” My hand takes home around his throat once again. Now having his full attention, I feel him swallow as he shakes his head. His excitement was palpable. Settling my right knee between his thighs, I nudge it gently against his hard length. His nostrils flare with a sharp inhale. “I want you to watch me get myself off on your thigh.” He groans loudly. I couldn’t tell if it was out of desire, frustration, or a mixture of both but the response delighted me nonetheless. Placing my left knee to the other side of his thigh, I fully seat myself upon him. “Knowing there’s absolutely nothing you can do about it.”

“Fuck.” Slowly grinding against the fabric of his thigh, my lashes flutter at the sensation. A soft moan escapes me before I can stop it. I was dripping wet and could already feel myself swiftly ruining his ostentatiously expensive pants.

“How does it feel Roman? To have me use you like this?“ A whimper meets my ears. His eyes transfixed on my clothed center sliding roughly against his thigh. There was a fire beneath his skin and he was entranced by the sight of kerosene being poured upon it. “To ruin you like this?” His smokey gaze flickers up to mine and I use the moment to grind myself harder against him. The rough friction elicits another moan from me, louder this time. “This is all you’re good for—” My final word comes out in a whine causing Roman to tear into his bottom lip hard enough to draw more blood. “Tell me. How does it feel?” I nudge my knee into his throbbing member once more and the deepest groan ripples through his teeth. His arms jerk against his binds as I use my free hand to sharply twist his nipple. “Answer me!”

“Good! It feels—Fuck.” The sentiment came out hoarse and husky. He shoves his head back into his tied wrists, thrusting himself against my knee. “Feels so f-fuckin’ good.” Digging my thumb into his pulse point, I slide my knee back. He whines; all hopes of friction dashing in an instant.

“No. You don’t get to cum until I say you do. Got it, you demented little fuck?” He’s a whimpering mess beneath me; eyes wide and watery. I wanted to drown myself in the sight and never touch the light of day again.

My thong bunches to the side from the aggression in my movements. Now fully bare against him, a shiver rushes through me as my clit kisses the luxurious fabric of his thigh. I wasn’t going to last much longer.

“If you don’t fucking behave I swear to God I’ll leave you like this—tied up and soaking for whoever to find.” The bite in my threats were losing their edge. My voice lost somewhere between a moan and sigh. An impending orgasm flicks it’s tongue at the base of my spine.

“Wouldn’t want it to be your father who finds you like this, would you?” A mangled whine shakes itself from his throat and has me smiling.

The blood seeping from his parted lips seem to glitter under the city light of his windows. I flatten my tongue across his jaw and drag it up his chin until my mouth fills with copper. The taste causes a sigh to slip from my mouth into his.

“You’re close. I-I can feel it.” His voice tight and high-pitched as he starts to slightly bounce his leg. “You’ve f-fucking drenched me.” The jolting of his thigh into my clit has my head falling into his shoulder; grinding harder and faster against him. The nails of my right hand embed themselves into the skin of his waist. A carnal mosaic of the flesh born below my grip. I was at the brink. “I-I wanna feel you cum.” He’s whining as he starts to bounce his leg faster; face buried in my hair. His shaking breath against my cheek has my entire body erupting in goosebumps. “P-please lemme f-feel you cum.” His beg hitches to an even higher pitch. His thigh nearly vibrating under me, desperate pleas rippling through me. Every nerve ending in my body felt ablaze.

It was all too much.

A scream rips from my lungs and I sink my teeth into the flesh of Roman’s shoulder. He tasted of salt and brimstone. My nails frenetically scratch into his skin as my thighs tremble and squeeze. Groans barrel up from his chest to mingle with my own. My release shatters through me with a blinding intensity I had never experienced before. I was overflowing; drenching his thigh to seep into his soul.

The heaving of our chests pressed tightly together slowly lulls me back down again. My fingertips absentmindedly painting shapes into his skin with the blood I’d drawn from his waist. Sparkles of light and voids of soot twirl across my vision. An indention of my teeth remained etched into his shoulder. He shudders when I press a soft kiss onto the bruised skin. My head falling heavy when it replaces my mouth to lean into him.

I’m suddenly reminded of Roman’s own much needed release upon finding his hips desperately grinding circles into empty air. He’s whimpering; body begging. My hand still cradled his throat so I languidly brush my thumb along his pulse point. His heart was racing.

“Do you need to cum, Roman?” A loud, high-pitched whine answers me.

“Please.” The word comes out in a choked sob. “I need—“ He was fighting against his binds, the silk digging painfully into his wrists. “Please.” He frantically presses open mouth kisses into any inch of my skin that he could reach; pleading with glassy eyes. “Please lemme cum.” I leave his throat to gently cup his cheek and smile softly before pulling back from him. “No—“ He stops himself when I thread one hand into his hair and place the other bloodied one atop his chest.

“You gonna cum your pants for me, Romie?” I take my sweet time sliding my palm towards where he needs it most. “Like the needy little slut that you are?” The whispered words were dripping in ghost pepper honey that had him swallowing. “Are you that desperate? That pathetic?”

“Yes.” The answer comes out in a quiet quick rush of air. “Y-yeah, I am.” My hand finally reaches his pulsing length and it twitches beneath my fingers. He immediately ruts against my palm and I squeeze him before jerking his head back.

“Stop.” He clenches his teeth but surprisingly does. Tensing beneath me, using every ounce of self control to still himself. He was trembling beneath my grasp. Frustrated tears caressed his lashes and began streaming down his flushed cheeks. His breath was coming out hard and shallow through flared nostrils.

A memory flashes through my mind: Roman’s captivated stare watching his glistening thumb press into my bottom lip.

“Open your mouth.” Again, he follows my orders instantly. Hovering my face above his, my lips purse with a drop of spit. He catches it with a moan that I immediately kiss into my mouth. “Cum.” My voice drops just above a whisper against his raw lips. “Make a mess of yourself.”

He instantly begins fucking himself roughly into my grip. The heat of his flesh searing me through the fabric. Grunting into my open mouth as I tug his hair into the cushions just below his wrists. His hands opening and closing before locking into tight fists. “Look at me.” His eyes shoot open. “Such a good boy for me.” A familiar emotion swirls through the sliver of hazel around his pupils. His lids flutter as he fought with everything in him to keep himself rooted in my gaze. “You’re so fucking beautiful, Roman.”

His hips shoot from the couch as he explodes and spreads me open across his thigh. The sensation causes my breath to catch in my throat. A gravely yell rips from the deepest parts of himself and tears apart every muscle in my body. He pours everything he has into the fabric beneath my hand with wide eyes never leaving mine. He collapses hard with shuttering breaths; body limp and twitching.

I release him to bring my palm to my lips; the slightest bit damp from him. My tongue paints his taste into my memory with pupils blown. Jaw slack, he watches intently through heavy wet lashes. His muddy eyes fill with that same emotion I had seen from him earlier.

“Lemme taste you.” The request was nearly silent but it rattled me like a wail. If I was any further from him I wouldn’t have heard it, but I did and couldn’t believe he had asked. Lifting my hips slightly, I run two fingers through my sensitive folds and shiver. He immediately takes notice and a ghost of a smile tugs at his lips.

My fingers tremble as they rise towards his mouth. He inhales deeply before parting his lips for me. Slipping into the velvet of his mouth, his eyes flutter shut. His pointed tongue runs up between their gaps before flattening to drag back down. He was savoring every drop as if he were a starved man lost at sea. An involuntary hum reverberates from his throat into my skin and his cheeks seem to darken even more. He playfully bites down with sparkling eyes when I slip my fingers from his warm mouth.

The sight had the blood pounding in my ears beginning their familiar chant: ‘I love you, I love you, I love you.’ It overwhelmed me and I couldn’t help but pull him into one last searing kiss. Tasting myself on his tongue had my head spinning. Here on my knees, I prayed to a godless sky that he could taste my heart overflowing into his mouth. Cupping his cheeks in both hands, my thumbs brush away the damp paths left by his previous tears. His forehead suddenly creases beneath mine.

“You okay, Rome?” He shakes my hands from his face and turns away from me. My own brows knot together in worry.

“I’m fine.” His face further contorts upon hearing how his voice cracked. It might as well have cracked my ribs right along with it. He clenches his jaw before gnawing at the inside of his cheek. His hands form into tight fist behind his head. He was trying not to cry again.

My fingers twitch in my lap and it takes everything in me not to wrap him in my arms. Instead, I reach for his wrists and bring them forward. They felt heavy and limp in my hands. Right as I began my attempt at untying them, a small sniffle brings my attention back to Roman’s face.

“It’s okay if you’re not okay, you know?” I try to gently reassure him but it only deepens the tortured disgust in his features.

“I said I’m fucking fine.” The words are spit with a venom that eats through to my bones. Feeling me search his feature has him crumbling before me. Fresh tears immediately start spilling down his cheeks and into the pits of my soul. I couldn’t help but reach for him. He surprisingly lets me cup his cheek, so I gently turn him to face me. His eyes squeeze tighter below my lips as I lightly kiss their corners. The small gesture of affection has a mangled sob ripping from his chest. Fully burying his face into my hand, he lets himself weep into my palm.

Brushing back the strands of hair sticking to his sweat, I feel my own eyes filling with tears. Refusing to let myself cry, I leave his hair to clumsily attempt untying his wrists with one hand but the knot had grown significantly tighter. No doubt from Roman constantly pulling against it all this time.

“Hey, Rome?” He responds with a mangled sound in the back of his throat. A desperate need to comfort and free him started anxiously clawing at my throat. “Listen, I know you’re totally fine and everything but I’m actually not.” His watery eyes glance to me, not registering that I’m joking. “The she demon that possessed me, she—the bitch was a Girl Scout from hell. This knot’s tighter than a goddamn hangman’s noose.” Roman pulls his face from my hand while rapidly blinking. The sounds of grinding metal fill my ears and their smokey scent tickles my nose. I flash him a goofy, albeit nervous, smile and the gears inside his head finally click into place.

“You’re a fucking idiot.” There was no bite to his words, having spoke them through a bemused chuckle. He wipes his nose with back of his hand and inhales the remnants of his vulnerability. Grateful relief balms the scrapes at my neck left by worry’s desperate claws.

His smile falters when I suddenly get up and leave him; it's as if a burst of panic fills his chest. However, when he watches me pick up a pair of scissors and the joggers from his gym bag, I sense the tension in him ease slightly. It's only when I climb back atop his thigh that he appears fully relieved. The weight of my warmth sinking into him seems to ground him.

After tossing his change of pants onto the cushion beside us, I carefully slide the blade under his tie and free him. The silk had dug in painfully, leaving nearly raw indentions in it’s wake. I mentally make a note to check my purse for some soothing lotion later as my fingers lightly brush across his skin. My thumbs begin rubbing into the muscles of his forearms. Roman was studying my face intently.

“These feel okay?” Shaking out his wrists, he rotates them a few times before letting them fall limp in my lap. It was his way of silently asking me to continue with my actions. He had far too much pride to express his desire for such a tender expression.

“Feels fine.” He fights off a shy smile when my hands pick up where they left off, massaging him gently. “My side on the other hand feels like fuckin’ cruise papers with the way ya shredded me.” He chuckles but I could still hear the residual emotion behind it. I lift the corner of his shirt up to take a look. The sight has my stomach instantly dropping; tangled weeds of angry wounds imbedded deep into flesh. Needles of red hot guilt begin sewing threads of shame up my legs. Looking down, I’m greeted with his blood caked under my nails. Memories of violence and words of degradation take ownership of my lungs.

“Fuck Rome…” My voice cracks and I suddenly feel my own tears holding a knife to my throat. “I’m so fucking sorry.” Roman quickly tears the fabric from my grasp and yanks it down.

“Oh shit. No no no no no—fuck fuck fuck.” His panicked expression made me feel so much worse. The canines of an anxiety attack drag up the nape of my neck like a threat. “I—I was fucking kidding!”

“I shouldn’t have d—done that to you. I—I shouldn’t have hit you. I shouldn’t have said—I didn’t—Rome, I didn’t mean them! The words—I—I’m so sor—“

“Oh dear God, would you fuckin’ stop.” He quickly cut me off but I had already dove to the deep end of a molten lava shame spiral.

“I—I made you fucking bleed Roman!” He rolls his eyes. “Multiple times!” His hands slap themselves onto the sides of my face, pressing hard into my cheeks.

“Yeah and you licked it up and it was the sexiest fuckin’—” I couldn’t open my eyes to look at him. If I looked at him I’d most certainly start crying. “I mean, I’m literally fucking drenched in cum right now.” My mouth was set in a hard line but my bottom lip quivered. “Come on now…” Nope, didn’t have to look at him. Turns out his voice alone could send tears falling. “I was kidding! I liked the fuckin’—fuckin’ feral scratchy shit! It was hot! And—and I told you to hit me! I—I wanted it! I wanted you to say all that fuckin’ nasty shit!” His fingers press into my skin harder as if he could force his sentiments to penetrate my skull. “I…I fuckin’ loved it. Like a lot. Okay?” My head was shaking back and forth trying to gain some control over my emotions, shake free of my tears. Roman didn’t know that though. How could he? I wasn’t speaking. He probably thought my actions were just my way of rejecting him. “Please don’t fuckin’ do this.”

My eyes crack open as I remove Roman’s hands from my face. The knotted look of bewilderment etched into his features summons the childhood phantom of my mother. Taking her disembodied palm to slap me across the mouth and rattle me with shrill screams: ‘You need to pull yourself the fuck together!’ I follow suit, digging the heels of my palms into my eyes.

“Promise?” My question came out pathetic and small. I fucking hated it and I fucking hated crying. I’m being fucking ridiculous. Stupid.

“Again, and I can’t stress this enough, soaking in my own cum right now.” His reassurance comes with a laugh that tugs my frown up slightly.

“I just—I’m sorry. It was one thing in the moment but just like… I dunno. I’ve never done anything like that. I—I don’t know what came over me.” My face felt feverish as the backs of my hands wipe the shame staining my cheeks. “Seeing the aftermath just kinda, it just—The thought of actually hurting you makes me feel fucking sick, Rome.” I feel the back of Roman’s knuckle brush away the tears I had missed. Chancing a look at his face gifted me the softest expression I had ever seen from him. “I never want to cause you any real harm.” My voice sounded almost foreign, weak with emotion and vulnerability. Where did all my bravado go? Oh yeah, it’s dripping down my thighs.

“Well you didn’t, alright? I’m fine. Like completely. A-o-fuckin’-kay over here.” He throws me the okay symbol and tries offering me a reassuring smile but it doesn’t reach his eyes.

“But you were crying, Rome.” The smile instantly drops.

“That? No, I wasn’t—“ He shakes his head before scratching at his jaw. “It—it wasn’t because of that.” My brows furrow, and he groans, hands dragging down his face. “Look, I didn’t—I don’t—fuck!” He shakes his fingers through his hair and looks as if he’s about to rip it out. Refusing to meet my eyes, his stare finally settles on my hands lying face up in my lap. “It was your fuckin’—your hands, okay? It was your fuckin’ hands.” My eyes fall from his face and focus on the blood staining my fingertips. So it really was because I hit him. “The way you—“ He sighs. “The way you held me.” Oh. His head falls back as a long frustrated groan escapes him, eyes searching for heaven in the ceiling. “I dunno, okay? It just felt—it felt—“ He couldn’t finish. His eyes fall shut before he continues, his voice even quieter than before. “All I could think about was how you had looked at me.” I swallow before whispering just as quietly as he.

“How did I look at you?”

“I don’t know.” His voice grew thick with emotion once again. He shakes his head and finally meets my eyes; looking so defeated and sad. His pain bled me. “You’re always fuckin’ lookin’ at me like—like—“ Again, he can’t finish. He clenches his jaw like a threat towards the words caught in his throat.

“Like I love you?” His eyes squeeze shut and he turns his face from me once again; hiding himself from my words. I watch him clench and unclench his jaw until courage clenches my own. “Because I do love you, Roman.” Every muscle in his body seemed to tense beneath me, but I couldn’t stop my feelings from shattering their shackles. They’d been locked up for so long that their first taste of freedom sends them sprinting. “I love you so fucking much.” He clenches his fists, still unable to open his eyes and look at me.

I let myself lean into him and lay my head onto his shoulder. His fist start to unfurl and he lets his head fall against mine. A shuddering breath leaves him and he buries his face into my hair, hands tentatively resting on my hips. We sit in silence as I listen to his breathing slowly steadying. Once it had nearly returned to normal, I feel his lips gently press into my temple.

“I love you too.” The words were murmured into me, a heavy sigh follows after them. “You have no fucking idea.” The wilted buds of my heart and mind begin to bloom. My arms wrap themselves around him and squeeze him to me tightly. He reluctantly wraps his arms around me as well; slowly tightening his embrace until he’s clinging to my soul. Turning my head I press a kiss into the side of his throat and hear him sigh once again; the weight between us was dissipating.

“I’m sorry for freaking out earlier.” The words he had stuttered out when trying to calm me drift to the forefront of my mind. “I—I liked it too.” The warmth of his skin embraces my shy confession. “What we did together, I mean.” I hear him snort and it has me smiling against him. The air was feeling lighter.

“I’d fuckin’ say so, ya fuckin’ banshee. You shoulda seen how fuckin’ hard you came. I mean—Jesus Christ, you were fuckin’ feral.” I hide my face further into his neck but can’t help the laughter that bubbles up from me. “And now you act all fuckin’ bashful and shit? How the fuck does that even work? You literally tied me up and road my thigh like a buckin’ bronco.” I bite his throat and my body shakes from his laughter vibrating through me.

“Fuck you! I’m complex.”

“Yeah, no shit.” He tangles his hands in my hair and pulls me back to face him. “You’re fuckin’ insane, you know that?” He was smiling as he said it. “You drive me fucking insane.”

“The feelings mutual.” His smile only widens and he bounces his leg. I yelp in surprise, frantically gripping at his arms to maintain balance. He’s giggling uncontrollably. “You’re a sick fuck, Roman Roy.”

“Ooo round two already, thigh master?” He bounces his leg again. I try to slap his chest but he catches my wrist with his freehand and pulls me into a kiss I’m never going to forget. It was different than all the ones we had shared prior. This one was so much softer, so much gentler. Our foreheads rest against one another. His smile against my lips illuminates every crevice once void of light; I was loved.

#this used to be 10k words lol #I’ve rewritten it soooo many times #Roman Roy #Succession #Succession HBO #roman roy smut #roman roy x reader #roman roy one shot #roman roy fanfic #roman roy imagine #succession smut #succession fanfic #succession imagine #succession one shot #mine #can’t believe I’m following up kittens & perverts w/ this filth lmao #it still doesn’t feel perfect but she’s about to confiscate the phone from me if I keep rewriting this lol #cruelty & empathy

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gyu-effect · 1 year

Text

sucker (for you) || j.ww

“IT’S LIKE I’M A SUCKER FOR YOU”

PAIRING || Wonwoo x Female Reader

GENRES || Best Friends To Lovers AU, College AU, Humour, Fluff

SUMMARY || First year in college was always known to be stressful with all the assignments to complete, parties to enjoy and lectures to attend. But for you, it was a whole different type of stress: the conflicting (and growing) feelings of affection towards your best friend. Falling for him isn’t an option, but neither is avoiding him. So what do you do when you are down bad for the one and only Jeon Wonwoo?

Or, in which, one drunk party sends you hurtling down a rollercoaster of love for your best friend.

SERIES MASTERLIST || teen, age

MUSIC || Sucker by Jonas Brothers

WARNINGS || Nothing actually, mentions of alcohol, just drunk!wonwoo being a menace and me attempting to be funny

WORD COUNT || 14.5k (probably my most massive work till now)

A/N || This is the first time I’m seriously writing for seventeen so I’m just going to consider this as my first full length svt fic. Please do tell me your thoughts!! I had a blast writing this one so I hope you all enjoy it as much as i did! Also, advanced birthday gift (or really belated?) to my bestest friend Ni @jaynaur . I hope we continue to be friends for million years more. Thank you for sticking with me for all these years, I honestly couldn’t ask for anyone better.

TAGLIST || @misssugarlips @loevngyuno [thank you for being interested!]

“You are going to burn holes into his face.”

Kwon Soonyoung hissed into your ears, causing you to glare at him. He raised his eyebrows, as though challenging you and you rolled your eyes.

“I’m not staring at him, I’m just…worried.”

“Worried he’s going to end up sleeping with her?”

“Shut up, Kwon.” You muttered, eyes back onto your best friend, whom you were sure was going to regret every single action the next day. If he remembered, that is. True, the last few weeks had been extremely stressful for him, but to see the reserved Jeon Wonwoo you knew become drunk and act this wild was something new even to you, despite being his best friend for more than ten years.

To the eyes that barely knew him, Wonwoo would come as a tsundere male lead, quiet and perfect in every way. A man who had control of all his movement, and thus also every single girl’s heart. Undoubtedly, he was very handsome. But you knew that the man you called your best friend was far behind the romantic hot heartthrob everyone painted him to be. In fact, he probably had a certificate in the loser department hidden in his bedroom. He was nowhere close to perfection and was too laid back in life. What time should have been spent in getting a social life (you were sure he would have been an alpha male if he had just put in a little more effort) was instead used in levelling up in games.

To say you were shocked would be an understatement. He had been on the dance floor for the past two hours, which was definitely not a Wonwoo-like characteristic. Right now he was aggressively moving his shoulders while awkwardly jerking his head. You were a hundred percent sure if this had been any other normal situation, he would have been very much flustered and embarrassed. But the high level of intoxication in his blood must have made him lose all his senses. As you watched Wonwoo pull out another fancy move (much to the delight of the crowd of girls surrounding him), a completely unrelated question popped into your head. Where had he even learnt those moves from?

“He asked Chan to teach him a few steps, but I guess Chan thought he wasn’t serious.” Soonyoung replied. You let out a small ‘I see’, embarrassed that you had accidentally said your thoughts out loud. When had he asked Chan to teach him? Was there any particular reason? And why hadn’t he told you about this before?

“It is quite shocking. I always thought Wonwoo was the guy who always kept to himself and his comic books.” Soonyoung said. To his friends and you, it was definitely a new thing, but clearly the crowd didn’t think so judging from the squeals erupting around him.

“Did he say why did he suddenly want to learn how to dance?” You asked this time. The boy next to you shrugged, nonchalantly chugging down another drink from the red plastic cups. You grimaced, wondering how people even liked drinking. You personally hated parties and loud music but you didn’t mind if it meant hanging out with your friends. But no one mentioned that today’s party would involve even other people. Still, you managed to keep your sanity throughout the party just trying to enjoy yourself with your friends.

“Your guess is as good as mine. I highly doubt that he wanted to learn to dance on the dance floor. Hey, maybe he was trying to impress you?” Soonyoung grinned at you wickedly.

“Excuse me?” You choked on the chip you had just begun eating.

“Everyone can see the uwu heart eyes you two give each other.”

“And this wrong insight into things is exactly why everyone supports the anti horanghae agenda instead.”

Soonyoung pouted at you and you let out a laugh, your irritation melting away at his cute reaction. You patted his back before adding, “Don’t worry. I’m for the horanghae agenda. It’s absolutely priceless to see the disgust on Minghao and Jihoon’s faces. I will always support you in your endeavour just to provoke them.”

“Y/N! I thought you were my friend!”

You laughed once more before turning your attention back to the dance floor. For a second you panicked when you couldn’t find Wonwoo. He was already an awkward man in front of girls (a point girls often misunderstood thinking he was avoiding them because he was a frat boy who didn’t flirt unless absolutely necessary), and you doubted if he would like a drunk mistake to be the reason he stopped showing his face to the college.

Relief flooded you when you finally found him at the corner of the room with some random girl you knew by face (you weren’t that good with interacting but that was beside the point here). But that relief turned back into panic as you watched the girl unzip his leather jacket and discard it, hands moving for his shirt.

“And that is my cue to leave.” You nodded to Soonyoung who seemed to be enjoying this moment. Now you weren’t the type to meddle into your best friend’s love life (which had been non existent till now) but if the said best friend was a shy anime-lover boy with no alcohol control and was about to drunk make out with someone he had just met, you were going to be the supportive friend you were and save the little dignity he might have left after this night.

Picking his jacket up from the floor, you accidentally rammed into the couple, causing both of them to stumble in daze.

“Ah, Wonwoo! I was looking for you! Come one, we need to leave, you have a mini test tomorrow, remember?”

Wonwoo blinked at you in confusion, and you just smiled at the girl before pulling him out of the crowded place. You ignored her screaming about tomorrow being a Sunday and focused on getting the two of you safely out of a room filled with drunk people. It was hard pulling a drunk man who kept stumbling on his own leg but you finally made it out of the stuffy place without losing each other.

When the cool night air finally hit the two of you, you let go of his hand and let out a sigh.

“Thanks.” He muttered beside you, though you were not exactly sure what he was thanking you for, since you were sure he was having a blast back at the party. You glanced at him and tsked, annoyed by his choice of clothing. He was just wearing a sleeveless shirt and skinny jeans, clearly shivering in the cold night air. His hair was slightly messed up and his glasses were hanging at his nose tip.

“You shouldn’t have taken this off.” You said handing him back his jacket. He just draped it around his shoulders before giving you a lopsided drunk smile.

You wondered what all the girls would say when the drunk Wonwoo they had envisioned was nothing like the real drunk Wonwoo you knew. True, he did sensibly drink all the time, but today he seemed to have let go and judging by his flushed face, you were glad you got him out of the party before he committed a stupid mistake.

You began walking towards your dorm when Wonwoo called you.

“Y/N.”

Turning back at him, you looked at him questioningly, asking him to continue.

“Come here for a second.” But before you could walk to him, he himself stumbled towards you, looking eager to tell whatever was in his mind.

You frowned and gently pushed his glasses up so that he didn’t strain himself to see through them.

All of a sudden, Wonwoo grabbed your hand to pull you in closer, filling the few centimetres you had in between each other. Your eyes widened in shock when you felt his lips brush against yours. He immediately pressed his lips on your lips, your eyes fluttering close at the sudden feeling of warmth.

A million different thoughts were running through your head but they all seemed to be drowned out by an exploding feeling in your heart. You inhaled his scent; a mixture of alcohol and the comforting smell that always lingered around him; and felt the world stop for a second.

Wonwoo’s lips moved against yours and that seemed to jolt you back to the present.

Pushing him away as hard as you could, you gasped harshly, wondering what had you done. How could he kiss you? How could you kiss him when he was drunk?

You shook your head violently once, trying to dismiss the thought as an accidental drunk mistake, just like the one Wonwoo was going to commit a few minutes ago back at the party.

And yet, the adrenaline rushing in your veins still hadn’t subdued. You felt like you were the one who was drunk and not him, heart beating erratically at the very thought of the kiss. Fanning your heated cheeks, you dismissed the thought once more. This was a mistake. It had to be. There was no way you could feel such emotions for your best friend with whom, you had just admitted a few minutes ago, you were completely platonic with.

“Come on, Wonwoo.” You muttered, not bothering to grab his hand this time and hoping he would just follow you.

Neither of you spoke as you traced your paths back to your dorms, the silence breaking sometimes only by Wonwoo’s incoherent mutterings. You didn’t even bother looking back to check whether he was right behind you, trusting that the dragging footsteps were his.

“Mingyu!” You yelled as a familiar figure ran past you into the building. Kim Mingyu stopped and turned back at you, looking drunk but not as finished as the man who stumbled into a halt and used your shoulder as a support for his dropping head. You felt your cheeks heat up once more and then and there you decided you couldn’t go on like this even for a second. “Take your roommate up with you will you? I’m tired of dragging him around.”

Mingyu gave you a thumbs up and the two of you bid each other goodbye, and you nearly ran from there, not bothering to see if they had even entered the building. You prayed that the night air would cool your cheeks down because you were sure that your roommate was still awake, judging by the lights you could see from outside the building.

You tried sneaking in quietly, not wanting to disturb the older girl who was still studying. Final year of college was hard with assignments and campus recruitments and you didn’t want to be a burden to a person whom you had labelled as your other best friend.

“What’s wrong?” Kim Taeyeon asked, turning away from her books to look at you trying to hide under your covers as quickly as you could.

“W-What do you mean?”

“You haven’t even removed your socks yet. Did something happen?”

Oh.

“I-” You began and stopped, flustered at how you should continue. Was it his mistake? Was it yours? Taeyeon got up and sat at the foot of your bed, patiently waiting for you to continue. You felt bad that you were distracting from her studies but you felt that if you didn’t get some advice on how to handle this situation, you would lose all your precious sleep (sleep was your real best friend).

“Say hypothetically, your friend gets kissed by her drunk best friend and she kisses him back. What should your friend do in that situation? Pretend like nothing happened? Confront him about it?”

“Wonwoo kissed you?”

“Ye- No! I said a hypothetical friend. What? Wonwoo is such a reserved man. Does he look like someone who loses control while drinking? And do I look like a person who takes advantage of her drunk friend?” You said, glad of the fake character people had created of your best friend.

“So Wonwoo did kiss you. Besides, you don’t really have many friends, let alone a hypothetical one that could be in this situation.”

“Thanks for the reality check.” You muttered. Taeyeon came and sat beside you, patting you as an indicator to go on.

“He-he was drunk.” You babbled, not even sure what or whom you were trying to justify. “He just leaned in and I- I kissed him back. Oh my god. Is that assault? Did I just assault my best friend?”

“Hey calm down, Y/N. You were taken aback. I highly doubt he will even remember what happened tomorrow judging by how drunk he sounds. You don’t need to mention it to him if you feel like that’s going to ruin the atmosphere between the two of you. But if you feel like you are too uncomfortable being with him, then the two of you can talk it out. Wonwoo is a sensible man so I’m sure you both will come to an understanding.”

You nodded, still feeling jittery about the entire situation. Exchanging good nights, the two of you went back to your own routines. Taeyeon went back to her study table while you got dressed for bed. Slipping in under your sheets, you tried to clear your thoughts by taking a deep breath in.

It’s okay. You thought to yourself. He probably won’t even remember it tomorrow. Now let’s just get some good night’s sleep, shall we?

Turns out you had terrible prediction skills.

You had tossed and turned the entire night, worry eating you up as though the next day was your mathematics exam and you had forgotten to study the entirety of calculus. So you definitely did not get a good night’s sleep as you had wished for. To make matters worse, Wonwoo called you up at 5 in the morning for a ‘hangover’ run.

So here you were, sitting on a bench as your best friend jogged up to you, handing you over a drink.

“Thanks.” You huffed, taking a quick sip of the cold drink to cool yourself down. He sat down beside you, arms brushing and all of a sudden you were hyper aware of how close the two of you were.

It was funny how a small action at a drunk college party had changed the entire way you used to look at your best friend. You both had practically grown up together and it had never really mattered to you how close the two of you were (sure you had an aversion towards touch but Wonwoo was…well, Wonwoo). Never did you think you would get flustered when you meet him or even avoid his eye contact.

But this morning when you first came out of your dorm, he was already waiting for you outside. He seemed unbothered by your appearance, and a small part of you was glad because he didn’t seem to remember what had happened. And yet, it took you sometime to be able to meet his eyes again without your cheeks heating up and giving you away.

The two of you jogged for sometime in silence before you got tired and decided to take a break. He had even wordlessly gone and got you a drink and now you were getting a feeling that he definitely did not remember anything. So you decided to ask him about it.

“Did you enjoy yourself yesterday?”

“Huh?” He looked at you surprised. “You mean at the party?”

“Yeah.”

“I don’t remember actually.” He replied, pushing his specs up his nose by its frame bridge. The action caused your stomach to flip, as though you had just been dropped from a roller coaster. “I guess I drank too much. Did I go too wild?”

Only when Wonwoo had raised his eyebrows at you did you realise that you had been staring at him. You quickly turned your head away from him, praying you weren’t looking as flustered as you felt.

Had he always been this handsome?

“Uh, yeah kind of? I mean…you were going to make out with some random girl if I hadn't pulled you away.”

“Thanks.” He muttered, sounding embarrassed. You looked at him and he was looking down, unable to meet your eyes. A laughter escaped you when you realised how adorable he looked, looking flustered.

Wait, what?

He looked up at you and smiled sheepishly, muttering a small sorry. Wonwoo continued talking but his voice was drowned out by the wind whistling against your ears. How had you never noticed the cute way his nose scrunched up when he smiled too much or the way his eyes crinkled when he laughed out too loud? Somewhere in the back of your mind, you realised that you had always known these little details but had never put too much thought into it, as though you had taken him for granted.

Wonwoo waved a hand in front of your face, jolting you back to the present.

“You okay?” He asked, sounding a little concerned. “You’ve been slightly distracted since morning. Are you sure nothing happened at the party?”

“Yeah.” You scratched your neck awkwardly, determined to keep a straight face and not look away. There was no way he could know what you were thinking now unless you wanted to make things awkward between the two of you.

He stood up, pulling you up with him and the touch of his warm hand on your elbow seemed to send sparks through your body. The chilly wind whipped through the air, ruffling Wonwoo’s freshly dyed white blond hair. It was almost illegal how good he looked like this, with messy hair and wearing just loose comfortable clothes.

Your reactions seemed to have slowed down because all you could do was stare and gulp at your best friend when his hands slipped into yours, giving your hand a comforting squeeze. You felt your heart beat nearly stutter at this gesture, and he pulled you in closer.

For a second you got a wild sense of deja vu, a small part of you was afraid that the two of you were going to kiss again but Wonwoo just smiled softly at you.

The whistling of the wind died in your ears as you stared at him. You couldn’t feel anything, except for the tingling sensation of where your hands and shoulders met with his. The birds too seemed to have stopped chirping because the surrounding seemed too quiet, and you were sure he could hear your loudly thumping heart too.

A stream of sunlight fell on Wonwoo, giving him a soft angelic glow. Right now, everything seemed so perfect, so perfect that you wondered why you had even thought that he was a big loser in the first place. Because for you right, Jeon Wonwoo looked like a goddamned angel who had graced you with his presence.

And then it hit you.

You felt as though your breath had been stolen away when the realisation finally dawned on you.

You were in love.

You were in love with your best friend, Jeon Wonwoo.

Suddenly everything you had been feeling made complete sense to you. How could you have not realised it until now? It was as though the answer had always been dangling in front of you but you had failed to grasp it. You thought of all the times you had spent with him and while that might seem like normal things between two best friends, you realised that no one could ever understand you so perfectly well, no one could make you smile like he did and no one ever supported you like he did when you were down. He knew you as perfectly as you knew him, like two jigsaw puzzles fitted together without which the picture would be incomplete. And right now, you couldn’t even imagine loving someone as much as you had always loved him.

It had always been Wonwoo but you had never realised it.

“You know you can tell me everything, right?” He asked, his quiet voice causing butterflies to flutter in your stomach as he gently rubbed circles on your hand with his thumb. You gulped, closing your eyes as you nodded a ‘yes’ to him. So that he didn’t suspect anything, you removed your hand from his grasp slowly, the warmth of his touch suddenly gone. You already missed his touch but you doubted whether your heart could take anymore.

Your head was still spinning from the sudden realisation that had hit you like a truck and the only way you could think of clearing your thoughts was by getting away from Wonwoo, the very person who usually stuck by your side in such stressing emotions.

But this was something you would have to deal with on your own. Because you were a thousand percent sure that he did not love you back.

“Wonwoo,” you said, looking at him with a smile. “I'm a bit tired since you called me up so early. Do you mind if I go back? It’s a Sunday and I still have assignments so I would like to catch up with my beloved sleep a bit.”

“Sure, I’m so sorry Y/N-”

“No need to apologise. Thank you for bringing out my lazy ass though.”

You were glad that he got the indication that you wanted some quiet time alone (of course he would, why wouldn’t he?) and the walk back to your dorms was a quiet one too. He didn’t press the matter anymore, figuring out you would tell him when the right time came and you were comfortable about sharing with him.

If only he knew.

As soon as you got back to your room, you plopped yourself onto your bed, not even bothering to take off your clothes. You were glad Taeyeon wasn’t there in the room currently, because you were sure you might crumble if you met any other human being, Taeyeon or Wonwoo included.

A sigh left your mouth as you processed everything that had just happened. A small accidental drunk kiss which could have potentially ruined your friendship was now actually going to ruin your friendship.

There was no way that he loved you back. Sure he loved you platonically but never ever in a romantic way. He had never dropped a single hint nor did he ever give you a second to doubt that he might have feelings for you. Hell, you were pretty sure you weren’t even his first crush.

And knowing Jeon Wonwoo, you were pretty sure he would still be unbothered if you showed up naked in front of him. If he didn’t remember what had happened yesterday, there was no way he would know that something between the two of you had changed, right?

Groaning internally, you cursed Wonwoo for kissing you and setting off explosions of emotions in your heart.

Taking a deep breath in, you calmed yourself down.

Come on, Y/N. You thought to yourself. You can solve coding problems but you can’t solve this little emotional problem? You’ve been through worse! You can do this!

Okay, step one. Avoid Jeon Wonwoo for a while.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder but you were sure that this little crush (you decided to call this dump load of love as little crush) would disappear if you avoided him like the plague. If you were away from his warmth, handsome face, not-so-funny funny jokes and his overall caring demeanour, you were sure you could beat this fluttering emotion (life was a competition and you were not going to lose). Of course, you wouldn’t be able to avoid him forever without making him suspicious so you just had to avoid the times only when the two of you would hang out, instead of with the group.

Step two. Research on the type of girls Wonwoo might like and avoid those characteristics.

You whipped out your phone to go through your gallery, hoping to find some hint about the type of girls he hung out with, even if it was a five minute interaction. You had a whole gallery dedicated to him because the amount of blackmail material you had collected on him was completely worth it. Scrolling through some of the pictures you had secretly taken of him (all for blackmail purposes), you felt a smile tugging at the corner of your lips.

He looked so adorable, his then shaggy hair falling partly over his eyes, but nothing could stop the sparkle in them as he smiled at the new kitten he had just rescued. He looked ethereal, causing your heart to flutter at the memory of him smiling at you as you snapped a quick photo to commemorate the occasion of him getting his hundredth cat.

Wait, what?

That wasn't part of the plan. You weren’t supposed to fall for him harder, you were supposed to see the kind of girl he likes and maybe laugh at some of the troll pictures you had taken of him. You did laugh at some of them, but now, instead of them being downright funny you could feel a warm sensation of adoration as you laughed.

“Fuck you, Jeon Wonwoo.” You muttered, throwing your phone across the bed and screwing your eyes shut in defeat. That’s it. You were down bad for him.

“Yeah, I was kind of waiting for that to happen.”

You sat up straight faster than the time Taeyeon said your results were posted right in front of the campus. Immediately, you scowled at the newcomer who took this as an invitation to stride into your room, closing the door behind him as he dropped on your bed beside you.

“How did you even get inside the girl’s dormitory?”

“I didn’t see you in the mess so I asked Taeyeon about it. She said you were probably bawling your eyes out about something in your room and she herself gave me a pass to enter the dorm.” Kwon Soonyoung explained himself and you rolled your eyes. “So spill the tea sis. Why do you want to fuck Jeon Wonwoo that badly even though we kind of knew it was going to happen eventually?”

“Why won’t you tell us?” Soonyoung wailed, shaking you aggressively. You rolled your eyes at his dramatic behaviour, partially embarrassed as some students passing by looked at your group curiously. You wondered if this was the right time to pretend that you didn’t know either of them.

“First of all, I did not agree to tell you anything. You just assumed it on your own. Second of all, there’s no way I’m telling you, Seungkwan and Chan.”

You had been suspicious when Soonyoung said he would round up his emotional support buddies but you did not expect it to be Seungkwan and Chan, definitely some of the biggest anti-secret keepers. Hell, you might have even considered telling them if at least Seokmin was there.

Seungkwan rolled his eyes, grabbing his iced americano and standing up. “It was kind of obvious she wouldn’t tell all of us, Soonyoung. At least you could have heard the secret and told us behind her back.”

“I’m still here Seungkwan.”

“Your point?”

“Come on, Y/N.” Chan urged, his expression that of a genuine friend who was ready to listen to you. “If something is weighing you down, you can always tell us. I promise you that I’ll tape up Soonyoung and Seungkwan’s mouths so that they don’t spread it.”

“Yeah, we promise too.” Seungkwan said, Soonyoung agreeing beside him. You sighed for the millionth time that day, debating whether or not you should risk telling them. You really needed some advice on this matter, especially from someone who knew both you and Wonwoo well. But before you could even open your mouth to speak, Soonyoung cut you off.

“Do you have a crush on Wonwoo?”

Your silence seemed to be enough for them.

“Wait, that is the problem? I’m sorry, but did you just realise it now?” Seungkwan asked. “I’ve never seen you look at anyone the way you look at him. I thought you had it figured out a long time ago but you were just keeping quiet about it.”

“I-I just realised it yesterday! And it's all his fault! He drunk kissed me-”

“Wait, wait, wait. He did what?” Soonyoung jumped up excitedly, as though he was the one who had been kissed by Wonwoo. “He kissed you? Wonwoo fucking kissed you? The Jeon Wonwoo I know?”

“Relax, Soonyoung. It’s not like they had sex or something.”

“Seungkwan!”

“Do you want to ignore your feelings because you are worried that this might ruin your friendship with him?” Chan asked, currently being the only logical one in the group. “Or do you want to take this a step higher but you don’t know if he likes you back?

“I don’t know. I…don’t want to ruin our friendship. I don’t want to ruin anything between us. Wonwoo doesn’t even like me that way, it’s obvious.” You said nervously, not even sure what you wanted. “But now that you say it, the first option looks more appealing.”

“Hey, don’t be like that.” Soonyoung swatted your arm. “Because I’m a thousand percent sure that even Wonwoo likes you. I’ve never seen him look so whipped for anyone who isn’t you. Not even at anime girls.”

“And we all know your inference skills are god tier judging from the last mafia game where you kicked out doctor Mingyu just because you were a thousand percent sure mafia Seokmin was a citizen.” Seungkwan reminded him.

“Yeah, you are really bad at this Soonyoung.” You muttered in agreement, but your mind was occupied by what he had said. Wonwoo looked whipped for you?

“Not to disagree with Seungkwan but I think Soonyoung might be right? I’ve honestly never seen Wonwoo be more comfortable with anyone other than you.”

You looked around your surroundings, the bench and tree you four were sitting under resembling the one you and Wonwoo had sat on just this morning. You replayed the entire scene in your head once more. What would have happened if you hadn’t realised that you were in love with your best friend? Would everything have been normal between the two of you? Would the drunk kiss just turn into a laughable memory for the two of you to share later on?

Thinking back reminded you of how comfortable the two of you were together, the main reason you were in love with him. Then you stood up, making up your mind.

“I’m not going to chase him.” You said firmly, giving a bitter smile to the three boys around you. “I can’t afford to lose him or even make him feel uncomfortable. Thank you for listening to me and bearing my secret. I guess you guys will have to become my emotional support buddies too.”

“Y/N, we can probably think of some way-”

“Maybe stalk Wonwoo and find out if he likes you-”

“Or just take slow steps and-”

The three of them burst into suggestions, causing your heart to clench. You were glad you had such wonderful caring friends, how much ever annoying or sarcastic they were at times. You waved them a final goodbye.

“I’m fine, really. I’ll keep you guys updated. Thanks for your time but I need to sort out my feelings for now.”

You ignored their protests and walked back to your dorm, the heavy weight burdening you caused your shoulder to slump more with each and every step. If you thought yesterday night had been a whirlwind of emotions then today had been a tsunami. Not only had you realised you were in love with your best friend of many years for the longest of times but you had almost immediately doused that fire in your heart in order to not ruin your friendship with him. Taking two such big decisions in a span of a few hours was enough to melt anyone and you felt like a ticking time bomb that could explode any moment now if you didn’t get some proper rest.

Finally, you reached the corridor of your dorm and froze, a familiar figure standing on your door with a huge packet in his hand.

Jeon Wonwoo raised his hand to knock on your door when he just happened to turn his head in your direction, blocking any chance of escape now. He immediately broke into a smile, face lighting up as though he was waiting for you. It definitely did nothing to stop your heart from stuttering or to stop the smile that automatically appeared on your lips.

All of a sudden you realised what you were doing, and cleared your throat awkwardly. This definitely wasn’t a way to stop your crush on him.

“Hey Wonwoo.” You said softly, unlocking your door and beckoning him inside.

“Hey, how are you feeling? You weren’t at the breakfast table so I kind of got worried and bought you some of your favourite food.” You didn’t know how warm Wonwoo could make you feel with his small gestures until now and you were glad that you had just sat down on your bed because you were sure your jellied knees were about to give away.

Wonwoo followed suit but only after pulling the small coffee table towards your bed and placing the packet on it. You could feel his body heat despite the two layers of clothes between your skins. The familiar smell of his softener comforted you and you turned your attention onto the food, hoping it would act as a distraction from the fact that Wonwoo was just a few centimetres apart from you.

“So what did you get me?” You asked, rubbing your hands as the aroma drifted to you.

“Your favourite of course. Sushi.”

You raised an eyebrow at him. “But sushi is your favourite though?”

“What are you talking about, Y/N? I thought we both liked it?” Rolling your eyes at his grinning face, you unpacked the packet yourself. The smell of the sandwich hit you before you had even taken it out. Wonwoo had bought you egg sandwiches and your favourite yoghurt. Only after you had taken a bite did you realise how hungry you were after all that thinking and skipping breakfast.

“So,” Wonwoo said after finishing his sandwich and picking up a yoghurt. “Are Soonyoung and Seungkwan bullying you?”

You choked on your food as laughter escaped you. “W-What?” You laughed, looking at him and Wonwoo was smiling at you too. “Don’t worry, they aren’t that mean to me.”

“Good to know. In case they try to rope you into their illegal cult, let me know. I’ll get you out of there.”

“Sure, after all, you are my knight in shining armour.” The words were out of your mouth before you could even control yourself. You thought you saw Wonwoo’s smile falter for a fraction of second, but his eyes still had the same expression so you ignored it, thinking maybe it was just your imagination.

“It’s good to see you laugh. You looked so tense in the morning.”

“I did? I guess I was still reeling from the aftermath of a drunk Wonwoo.” Which…wasn’t a lie technically. He leaned back on your bed, grinning at you with all his teeth on display. Was it that amusing? “Don’t do that ever again. It could have been a disaster.” (It already had, in your opinion)

“Tell me about the random girl I was going to make out with.”

“What?” The question had taken you aback as that was the least expected one from him. The Wonwoo you knew wouldn’t have wanted to delve into the details of what he would consider an embarrassing course of action. He wasn’t even sounding concerned or worried right now. If anything, he seemed interested.

“The girl I was going to make out with. Do you know her? Was she cute?”

And you felt a bubble of annoyance burst at the pit of your stomach. Why was he asking you that? And why was he so interested in her all of a sudden?

Amidst the thousand questions popping up in your mind, you were slightly aware that right now you were probably feeling a bit jealous. Never had you thought you would get jealous if Wonwoo had a girlfriend but seeing him so interested in someone when he had never even looked at you as someone he might consider as his date, even for prom back in high school was making you feel jealous.

“Why?” You asked cautiously, careful not to show your annoyance in your tone. Apparently jealousy was another feeling you would have to check now, whenever you were with him.

“Simply. I vaguely remember her being cute so I wanted to get to know her more. To see if she's my type.”

“Well then why don’t you ask some of the guys for her number? Joshua might know.” You said, clearly annoyed now. Standing up, you began picking up your empty cups and wrappers. “Sorry I interrupted you two then. You could have found a potential girlfriend but I ruined your chance for you to sleep with someone.”

Now you were sounding just plain bitter. Walking towards the trash can, you took a deep breath in, trying to calm yourself down. You cannot get jealous now. Especially not when you had literally just found out your feelings a few hours ago. How much ever it hurt listening to your best friend ramble about some hot girl he wished to have more than a hookup with, you had to pretend to be the supporting best friend and not get in his way.

“Y/N?” Wonwoo’s voice came from behind, laced with worry. “Are you okay? Did I do something wrong?”

Yeah, you made me realise I have feelings for you which isn’t technically something wrong ‘you’ did.

“No it’s just that,” you turned towards him and forced a smile on your face. He looked so worried that you cursed yourself for getting your jealousy on the way and nearly hurting him. “I feel like you're not appreciating me enough for all the hard work I did yesterday night.”

“I bought you breakfast?”

“I knew there was something suspicious when you said you were worried I didn’t have breakfast.”

“Don’t make me such a bad best friend.” He said with an exaggerated sadness but you were more fixated on the last few words he had said.

There you go. Best friend. That’s what he would always see you as and that’s what the two of you would always be. Never anything more than that and never crossing the thin line between friendship and love.

But still that didn’t stop you from accepting his hug. His warmth engulfed you as his familiar scent took over your senses. It was so comforting that you almost melted in his embrace, his touch giving you comfort for the first time in the day although he was the one who had caused you the distress.

It reminded you of the million times you had hugged before this. Sometimes it was because of happiness and sometimes it was to provide comfort to each other. Jeon Wonwoo had been your saving grace, the anchor to your ship in the vast ocean of challenges and hardships just like how you had been his. You couldn’t think of any future without Wonwoo, it seemed to be impossible to have come so far without him as your best friend.

You loved him so much that even thinking about it made your heart clench painfully. How could you not? He was everything you could have ever wanted for and with this thought you hugged him back tightly, as though never wanting to let go.

“Don’t worry.” You whispered back. “You’ll always be my best friend.”

You walked into the lecture hall fashionably late on purpose (but still before the professor, you were not going to taint your record though you had already prepared an excuse about Monday mornings being tough), hoping that all the good seats would be taken and you wouldn't have to sit beside Wonwoo.

But as your best friend was faithful and loyal to you, he had saved you a seat right beside him.

“Here, Y/N!” He patted at the seat beside him when you pretended that you didn’t see him and was going to go past him. Giving him a smile as a thank you, you sat down beside him and unpacked your things, wondering how come you never noticed how good Wonwoo looked in casuals.

The class went by faster than you had expected and very soon the professor was giving the project details for your first semester.

“It will be in groups of two and you are free to make your own groups. Just give me a list of your group names by the end of the day please.”

There were collective groans from everyone and even your mind was in a whirlwind. Two people meant that by default you and Wonwoo would be a group together. But that would also mean you would have to spend extra time with him, and that would thaw your plans of avoiding him.

So before Wonwoo could ask you whether he should write the two of your names and submit or you would, you turned back and grabbed Seungcheol’s hand.

“Seungcheol!” You beamed at him, your smile a little bit too bright (you could see even he was terrified by this sudden outburst but you ignored it.) You knew he and Jeonghan would probably pair up together but this was your safest bet of finding a person who would agree to be your partner since the four of you were already close friends. In that way, you wouldn't completely be leaving Wonwoo in the dark since he could pair up with Jeonghan. “Do you have a partner yet?”

“Er, not yet? But me and-”

“That’s great. Then you can be my partner!”

Silence followed as the three men stared at you. Somehow, you felt Wonwoo’s shocked and probably betrayed expression so you didn’t dare to turn towards him but kept your eyes on Seungcheol. He and Jeonghan looked confused at this but neither of them seemed to want to ask you about it either.

“Uh, okay? If that’s what you want. Then I guess Jeonghan and Wonwoo can be teammates.”

“Okay, students!” The professor’s voice boomed and the four of you turned your attention back to him. You could feel Wonwoo’s eyes still on you as though waiting for an explanation but you ignored him. A small part of you was a little sad as you had done pretty much every project with your best friend and the two of you always had a mutual understanding of things which made it easier to finish them but you were still glad that you wouldn’t have to see him much in this way. Once your feelings were completely gone (if they were), you would then apologise to him and hang out with him just like the good old days. “Since some of you complained that two people is too less for the project, I’ve decided to change it to four.”

Oh no. Oh no.

It was as though the universe was determined to foil each and every single of your plan to avoid Wonwoo and make you suffer. Why did he have to change it like that? Hell, when all of you had complained about the individual power point being too hard and begged him to change it to a group assignment he had just lectured you all for being terribly irresponsible students. So why now? You were even willing to listen to your professor ramble for an hour about the need and requirement of responsible citizens for the society if that meant not pairing up with the cute guy sitting beside you.

“Y/N.” You heard Jeonghan call you out and you turned slowly to the three of them. “Let’s four pair up together, okay?”

You nodded, laughing awkwardly at the turn of events. So much for avoiding Jeon Wonwoo.

Wonwoo opened his mouth to speak but right at that time you heard the professor say ‘class dismissed’. Yelling a ‘later’ at him, you picked your things up and darted out of the room, not even bothering to dump your things in your bag.

You tried running out of the classroom but people seemed to think it was fine to chat and take their own sweet time, blocking the entrance.

“Um, excuse me. I need to get-”

“Y/N, wait up!” You heard the familiar voice yell at you. “You forgot your computer textbook!”

Now that made you stop. Why did you forget it? Slowly, you turned back towards Wonwoo, a sheepish smile plastered on your face. He smiled at you, as though unbothered by the fact he had practically run away from him.

“Thanks, sorry I left it behind.” You said, noticing that even he didn’t have the chance to put his things in his bag and was carrying them in his hands.

“Crowd not letting you go?” He asked, eyes scanning the crowd before they landed back on you. He let out a sigh and pushed his specs back again, you now finding the action very endearing. He held out his books to you, making you look at him in confusion.

“Hold these.” He said, dumping them in your arms.

Then before you could ask what’s wrong, Wonwoo got down on his knees and reached out for your now untied shoelaces. You felt heat creep up your neck as he continued tying your lace, unbothered by the fact that almost everyone was now staring at the two of you. But that was who Wonwoo was, wasn’t he? He never let others' comments or views affect him much and you had always admired him for that.

Jeonghan let out a wolf whistle when he was done and stood up, taking his books from your hands. “Shall we go?” He asked, casually stirring you away from the crowd (but that didn’t stop you from giving a death glare to a smug Jeonghan and a now giggling Seungcheol).

Wonwoo helped you push through the crowd, which wasn’t much considering the fact everyone had parted to make a way for you two as though you were a couple walking on the red carpet. You could still feel your ears burning and as soon as the two of you turned towards a less filled hallway, you gave him a slight push.

“What was that?” You demanded, not sure whether or not you should be mad at him. It wasn’t that he had never tied your shoelaces for you before; he had and had even scolded you for being so careless. But him doing it now in front of everyone made it feel somehow different. It felt like something a boyfriend would do, not a best friend.

Wonwoo raised his eyebrows at you before speaking .”You are the one to talk. First you avoid me in the class when you always sit beside me. Then after that you all of a sudden want to pair up with Seungcheol? I get it I’m weak at coding but still-”

“It’s not because of that.” You blurted out, then cursed yourself mentally. How were you supposed to explain this to him? You should have known from the beginning that your plan would be foiled because Wonwoo was too observant for his own good.

“Then what is it? What is making you avoid me? Did I say something to you at the party? Did I do something wrong? Because if I did, I’m sorry. I really am. But unless you tell me, I won’t know what it is and I can’t even apologise or make amends to you properly!” He snapped, clearly done with your behaviour. You felt that there was a hint of panic laced in his voice, but maybe it was just your desperate imagination hoping he wasn’t that hurt.

But why wouldn’t he be? He had all the right to. Hell, if you had been in his place you too would have been mad at this unexplainable behaviour.

“I’m sorry Wonwoo.” You muttered, looking at your feet. “I just- I just don’t know where to start. Something happened and it’s overwhelmingly a lot to take in to be honest. Believe me, it’s killing me not being able to tell you too but I just can’t. Not until I’m sure. Not until I’m ready. Please believe me.” You were practically whispering by now, the tears threatening to spill out. Either way it was still your fault if your friendship got ruined.

You felt his strong hands grip your shoulder gently, giving you a reassuring squeeze.

“Hey.” He said softly, causing you to look up at him. Wonwoo was looking at you concerned and yet so lovingly as though he would always be by your side no matter what. You felt your knees go weak as your heart gave another painful squeeze, reminding you why the two of you were in this sudden sticky situation. “It’s okay, alright? I just…don’t know how to fix this if I don’t even know what’s the problem. But it’s okay. You don’t need to force yourself. I’ll just…I’ll just try to remember or ask someone what I did-”

“You didn’t do anything-”

“No.” He said firmly. “I know I did something. That’s the only explanation to this, Y/N. I’m sorry for making you uncomfortable.” Now he sounded miserable and helpless. You could see that he was blaming himself for whatever was happening between the two of you right now. You could see he was worried about you and what he might have done.

And it hurt you seeing him like this.

This was all your fault. You shouldn’t have thought of avoiding him. For your selfish feelings to disappear, you had nearly ended up hurting Wonwoo more. How could you even think of such a stupid idea in the first place? There was no way the two of you could be separated.

Then as though by impulse, you wrapped your arms around him, pulling him into a hug. His comforting body heat engulfed you once more, making you almost crave for more of his touch. The fact that you hated hugs unless they were from Jeon Wonwoo lingered in the back of your mind but all logical reasoning was lost when he hugged you back.

You felt safe, and as pathetic it sounded, you felt content and loved. As though this simple hug was more than enough for you and you didn’t need to be labelled as a couple. It felt dumb now, thinking how you thought you could even survive by avoiding Wonwoo.

“Oh, Woo.” You whispered, using the nickname you had picked a long time ago for him. “Please don’t beat yourself up for this. I won’t stop you from finding out on your own. But I don’t think I can tell you about it now. “

He gently patted your back and you closed your eyes, enjoying the moment as you felt yourself relax at his touch. “It’s okay. You don’t have to tell me now.”

The two of you stood like that for quite some time, just enjoying each other’s presence. You were sure he could feel your heart hammering but neither of you seemed to want to let go.

“Just promise me one thing.” Wonwoo broke the silence first, and you hummed, urging him to continue. “You won’t ever choose Seungcheol over me as your partner just because I’m bad at coding.”

“Hmmm.” You pretended to think, breaking away from his grasp. “But I might consider choosing Jeonghan though.”

“Good luck with your new best friend then I guess.”

“Wonwoo come back! I’m just kidding!”

“Hey, you okay?”

Seulgi’s voice snapped you back to the present, making you realise that pretty much everyone (five to be specific) were staring at you.

“Uh, yeah.” You cleared your throat and sat up straighter, wondering if you had missed any question. “Sorry. Just a little…tired.”

Taeyeon’s eyes flicked to yours and an unspoken understanding took place between the two of you. You were so glad that you had such a mature roommate who always took care of you.

Usually, you loved attending your club meetings. After a long day of studying it seemed the most relaxing way to unwind without locking up yourself in your room. Your clubmates were fun and great friends (making it more like an open-discussion-for-all-your-troubles club). But today, no matter how hard you tried, you just couldn’t concentrate on today's debate session of three eyes versus three legs.

The Science club, or as known to the world as the Science Fan Club, had been opened by Kim Kibum, when he got into an argument with the real Science Club president, Kim Jungwoo and got kicked out of the Club with a ban for life sticker on his hand. And he, being a young man full of burning passion (and petty spiteful revenge) decided to start a science club of his own.

And like any other great (self-proclaimed) leader, Kibum too had faced many tough challenges on his way. For starters, there could not be two clubs with the same name so he had to get a little creative. And secondly, no one was willing to join this club so at the end he practically had to beg (read black mail) some of you to join.

So now there were just the six of you in the club, but somehow that made this club of yours more endearing. Kang Seulgi, Kim Taeyeon, Lee Taemin, Kim Kibum and lastly Boo Seungkwan was definitely saved under the favourites list in your contacts (Except Taemin because he had been saved under the ‘never call unless absolute emergency’ list).

Kibum let out the most dramatic sigh ever as though he was the one facing the crisis of being in love with his best friend and not you. “Y/N, you know you can tell us everything right?”

That definitely increased your confidence because Kim Kibum and Boo Seungkwan were notoriously not called the ‘gossiping besties’. It wasn’t a secret that if either of the two (and if your luck was bad maybe even both) got hold of your secret, you could pretty much expect it to be printed in the next day’s newspaper for it to be announced to the entire world. The only way to escape this was by bribing them, which was basically just agreeing that whatever they did or said was right (as though either of them even needed anymore ego boost).

“Yeah Y/N.” Seungkwan leaned in close, a dangerous glint in his eyes. “You can tell us everything, you know.” As though he didn’t know it.

Internally, you were strangling Soonyoung (and cursing yourself) for even thinking of bringing Seungkwan for your emotional support.

“Nothing. I’m fine!” You gushed, looking at Taeyeon for support.

“Hey Y/N. Your boyfriend’s here.” Taemin cut either of you off and you whipped towards the door, only to see your best friend standing there casually, leaning against the door frame. When your eyes met his, he smiled and waved at you, causing your cheeks to heat up.

You immediately looked away, standing up and packing your things as an excuse so that no one saw how flustered you were by a simple gesture.

“Er, I’ll get going.” You muttered, once again running out of the room, but this time instead of running away from Wonwoo you were running towards him.

“Enjoy your date!” Seungkwan yelled after you and you shut the door with a loud bang, hoping the noise would drown him out.

Note to self: search up how to hide your friend’s dead body.

“Hey Woo.” You said, slightly breathless as the two of you began walking towards the dorms. “Did you have something to tell me?” Wonwoo had never come to pick you up from your clubs so to say you were confused would be an understatement.

“Yeah, kind of? I have something to give you rather.” He said, stirring you away from the path that led to the dorms and instead walking towards where all the canteens were. “Do you want to have pizza with me?”

“Did Seokmin give you his extra ‘regular customer’ discount coupons?”

Wonwoo laughed, shaking his head in a no. “He wouldn’t give them to anyone even if the world was ending.”

“That’s true. You are treating me right?”

“I bought you sandwiches and yoghourt yesterday.”

“I think I’ll just have dinner in the mess.”

“Fine.” He raised his hand in defeat, still smiling. “Do you want to eat at Pizza Hut or at my dorm?”

You thought about it for sometime and realising how tired you were, you decided to have it in his dorm instead (your plan of avoiding him was practically forgotten by now).

Fifteen minutes later, the two of you were huddled on his bed slouching over the coffee table, as you dug into the pizzas you had ordered. For a few minutes neither of you talked, finishing the first pizza in a record breaking time (you were a slow eater) until you opened the second box.

“God, what is this?” You asked, picking up completely green pizza. It looked like an overgrown shrub had been smashed and dumped on your pizza. Wonwoo shrugged beside you, taking a slice out of his own chicken pizza.

“You ordered it. Not me.”

“But why is the pesto sauce so green? And why is it dripping over like that?”

Wonwoo laughed at you before taking out a few napkins. Taking the slice from your hand, he placed it on the napkin and gently placed it back on your hand. He then placed more napkins on your lap. “Don’t spill on the floor, please. It’s a hassle to clean up.”

You looked at him curiously.

“What? Don’t tell me you want me to feed you too?” He joked but that made you even more curious.

“Will you, if I asked you to?” You teased, waiting for him to give his usual nonchalant look.

“Yes.” Wonwoo said without missing a beat, causing you to freeze halfway as the pizza was about to enter your mouth. You cleared your throat awkwardly but he remained unbothered and went back to eating his pizza.

Of course he would say yes. You thought to yourself. Friends can feed each other. Especially since we’ve known each other since we were toddlers. Cursing yourself for finding double meanings of his words, you cleared your throat.

“Hey Woo?”

“Hmm?”

“What would you do if I kissed you?”

This time, Wonwoo froze before turning to you, panic very much evident in his eyes.

“What?” He asked, his voice sounding higher than usual.

“Accidently of course.” You added hastily, worried that he might misunderstand the situation. “Like, like by mistake? What would you do then? Like would you kiss me back because of the heat of the moment-”

“Y/N.” Wonwoo interrupted you, setting his pizza down. He was looking at you bewildered and you could feel the familiar heat rising up your cheeks once more .”Where is this coming from?”

“Nowhere!” You squeaked, keeping your eyes on your pizza so that you didn’t give away anything. “I just recently read a best friends to lovers fanfiction and something like that happened, so I just wanted to know what would have been your reaction.”

Wonwoo seemed to have bought your lie because his expression changed to a frown, as though thinking hard about it.

“Well…” he began cautiously, as though this was a sensitive topic he was treading on (which it was). “If the best friend liked the person who kissed them, then I guess they would kiss them back? Or maybe, maybe not because they might be thinking of how this was just taking advantage of them. Though if the first person kissed them, even if accidentally, wouldn’t that mean they too like them?”

“I guess…” You said, uncertain whether this meant he liked you or not. Damn Jeon Wonwoo for not dropping clearer hints. You thought of what Soonyoung, Seungkwan and Dino had said. Could it be true? “But Wonwoo, I asked what would you do?”

Never did you think you would see your best friend blush but here he was, ears turning slightly red at your question. Had you stepped out of the line too much?

“Me?” He mumbled, taking a big bite of the last pizza slice as though he was trying to avoid your question. Then, he looked up straight into your eyes before answering, causing your stomach to give a lurch. “I think I’ll do whatever happens at the spur of the moment. But I don’t think I will ever kiss you back for too long.”

Even though he had already mentioned that he wouldn’t want to take advantage of you, hearing that he wouldn’t kiss you coming out his mouth still hurt you. Nonetheless you nodded and smiled at him as though agreeing with his thoughts and turned your concentration back to the pizza. It felt awfully soggy in your mouth now and even the warm food wasn’t enough to make you forget the tight, suffocating, squeezing pain in your heart.

Silence engulfed the two of you once again until Wonwoo interrupted it.

“Hey.” He said, causing you to look at him. His hand gently cupped your chin, swiping his thumb at the corner of your lip to get the pesto sauce off. Your stomach somersaulted at the action and when his eyes met yours, the two of you froze.

You could feel your cheeks warming up, almost the temperature of his hand as Wonwoo stared at you, mouth opening and closing at a loss for words. He too turned the slightest shade of red, both of you mirroring each other’s flusteredness. He quickly jerked his hand away from you, rapidly wiping them on the napkin as he cleared his throat awkwardly. You were sure that he could your heart beating rapidly, threatening to jump off your chest.

What was wrong with you today? What was wrong with him today? Why did he have to do those small gestures and make you feel like a mess in front of him? He had already ruined your plan of staying away from him and now he was going to even ruin your facade.

Quickly drinking your glass of water to calm yourself down, you stood up and dusted your hands, indicating you were done.

“Er, let me help you clean up.” You pointed, and he nodded, distracted and unable to meet your eyes.

For some reason, seeing the usually emotionless Jeon Wonwoo look so flustered made you crack up a bit.

Ha! Serves you right for roping me into this wild goose chase for your heart!

You let out a giggle, and he looked up at you confused. “What is it?”

“Nothing. That beanie looks ugly on you.” You lied. Wonwoo faked a dumbfounded look at you and you sniggered once more, moving towards his bathroom to wash your hands. But once you entered, you felt a sigh of frustration leave you as you took in your surroundings. His laundry pile had grown so much that you were amazed he even was wearing clothes right now.

“Wonwoo.” You said, coming out of the bathroom. He was busy setting up his xbox and just nodded at you to go on. “Why is your laundry bag on the verge of exploding?”

“I’ll wash them later.” He said, his attention on the game he was playing.

“Then I won’t hang out with you anymore. You know I hate smelly guys.” You joked and this turned his attention back to you. He threw the controller back on the bed and walked up to you.

Whenever the movies showed the scenes of the guy walking up to the girl and pinning her against the wall, you couldn’t understand what made it so romantic. For you, it was just borderline scary to see a person advance on someone else like that.

But as Wonwoo walked up to you with that stupid grin on his face, you realised what those movies might have hinted at finally. Your stomach felt like you had just been dropped from a rollercoaster and you quickly backed against the wall. But that didn’t stop him and it made you wonder when the hell had your best friend become this hot.

You backed against the wall, until your back hit the wall. Wonwoo didn't stop until his body was pressed against yours, face inches away.

His messy hair fell over his eyes, but it wasn't enough to cover the mischievous glint in them. His long sharp nose nearly brushed against yours as he stared softly at you, causing your stomach to do flip flops. It was the first time you had noticed how soft and inviting his lips were. Wonwoo still smelled the same comforting smell, and you could swear you would have melted then and there if it wasn't for the growing heat in your cheeks keeping you rooted to reality.

"What was that?" He said, his voice almost a low rough whisper which shot shivers down your spine. Any chance of escaping was lost when he placed two muscular arms on either side of you. If you weren't sure if he could hear your abnormally loud heartbeat, you were now sure that he could definitely feel it because of how close you two were. "You don't want to hang out with me?"

There was faux sadness in his voice, indicating that he was only playing around with you and you would have laughed if you weren't trapped between his arms.

"Yeah." You muttered, trying to look anywhere except his eyes. You felt like your legs might give away from the intensity of his stare. "Not only do you have poor choices of clothing like that ugly beanie but you are also smelly."

Then before you could add on, Wonwoo pulled you into a lung crush hug.

"Yeah! Let's be smelly together!" He yelled as you tried wrestling away from him.

"Jeon Wonwoo! Let me go"

You tried your hardest but finally gave up, allowing him to collapse onto the bed, pulling you with him. You let yourself melt in his embrace as you took in his scent again, the safe feeling of his strong arms around you making you feel like you were on cloud nine.

"Stay like this for a while?" He whispered and you found yourself nodding, unable to let him or the moment go either.

So this was what it felt like to be in love.

“I was waiting for you.”

The voice stopped you on your tracks and you turned to see the one and only Lee Taemin, leaning against the huge door frames of the canteen. You were already running late due to your extra study session in the library and seeing Taemin first thing in the morning definitely wasn’t a good omen.

“What do you want?” You asked nonchalantly, eyes searching the canteen for your friends instead.

“Nothing. So yesterday I was observing you and Wonwoo.”

“You were stalking us?”

“No! It's because of the shoelace incident, okay?” You internally groaned, making a mental note to slap Wonwoo once more. “Anyways I caught you guys hugging-”

“So you were stalking us.”

“Please dont report me to the police. My career is on the line.” Taemin begged you, about to get on his knees. You rolled your eyes at his dramatic antics. This is why they said choosing your companions was very important because you had no doubt that he had learnt all of this from Kibum.

“Anyways, have you ever got the feeling that you’ve got Wonwoo wrapped around your fingers?”

“Excuse me, what?” To say you this hadn’t piqued your would be a lie, this was the second time you were hearing this. Could it be that he actually liked you too? But then again, Wonwoo was an extremely loyal friend so of course he did everything and anything for you.

“Yeah. He’s like…totally in love with you. He always looks like a simp whenever he’s around you.”

“Um…” maybe calling Wonwoo a simp was a bit too much because you had spent years with him and he did not react towards you the way he usually did when he simped for someone. “Yeah, thanks for the information. I’ll keep it in mind.” You gave him a smile and then muttered underneath your breath. “You are worse than Soonyoung.”

“Hey I heard that!”

You ignored him and walked towards the table where food was being served. Filling your platter, you finally located your friends and went to sit with them. Wonwoo had already saved a seat for you beside him and you placed your plate on the table before sitting down on the cold steel bench.

“Hi, Y/N.” Joshua, who was sitting opposite to you, greeted you. You smiled at him before turning towards Wonwoo.

“They ran out of yoghurt.” You complained to him, to which he placed an unopened pot on your plate.

“You said you would take a detour to the library today so I knew you would be late and miss out on this.” He said, when you gave him a surprised look.

Before you could thank him, Mingyu cut you off. “What about me? I told you I would be late too but you didn’t save any sausages for me!”

“You said you were going to be late because you were planning on sleeping in. How is that the same thing?”

That didn’t stop from Mingyu pouting and you let out a laugh. Somehow, Mingyu’s misery always seemed to be your joy like some sort of sadistic person but luckily the latter didn’t mind at all. He just smiled back at you, equally enjoying.

“Hey Wonwoo, can you try not to be so obvious in front of us?” Seungkwan said, pretending to puke over his food. You turned to look at the male beside you but he was already staring at his food so you turned to Seungkwan instead.

“Obvious about what?”

“Nothing. He was just staring at…someone.” Jeonghan snickered, causing you to raise an eyebrow. You once again turned your attention back to Wonwoo and when he refused to look at you, you nudged him.

“Are you staring at the girl?”

Now he looked up at you confused, as did everyone else at the table.

“Which girl?” Joshua asked, looking a bit too excited for your comfort.

“Er, that girl Wonwoo was about to make out with? Soonyoung saw them too. Are you talking about her?”

Silence filled your table which wasn’t something you had expected. You thought the guys would have been excited that Wonwoo was finally interested in someone but instead they were looking at him in confusion.

“Uh, no. I, uh, decided she wasn’t my type.” Wonwoo said and you nodded, a small part of you feeling relieved. “By the way, um, is everyone coming to tonight’s fest?”

A collective ‘yeah’s and ‘of course’s went across the table and you nodded too. Your college fest was something everyone had told you to look forward to from the very beginning of the year and you were excited to see what it was about. Luckily for you, first years didn’t have to do anything and could just enjoy the festival. You were especially looking for the fireworks display at the end of the festival, which the chemical engineering and art students were in charge of (you were not sure what the chemical engineering kids even did to help in this but you were a computer engineer major who avoided chemistry whenever you could and just accepted whatever you were told).

“I heard,” Jeonghan said all of a sudden leaning towards the table, “that you need a date to be able to watch the show?”

“Don’t spew nonsense, Yoon- Ow!” Seungcheol was cut off by Jeonghan very evidently kicking him underneath the table, causing you to narrow your eyes at him.

“Where did you hear that from?” You asked and he blinked at you innocently. The whole table looked interested in this brand new piece of information.

“Didn’t you see the event name? It’s ‘sparks in your heart’. A senior told me that only those who actually understood would be allowed front row seats.”

Now you didn’t have an argument about that. Was it true then?

If you had been told any other time that you needed a partner, you would have chosen Wonwoo in a blink. But now you weren’t sure if you could do that, since he was so interested in that girl. It stung your heart but you knew that if you asked first he wouldn’t refuse and you didn’t want to force him.

“Then I guess I need to leave to find a partner.” You said standing up with your now empty tray. Wonwoo didn’t even try to stop you and you pushed back the sadness lapping at the corners of your heart. No need to be upset over such a small thing.

“Y/N, do you want to go with me-” Wonwoo began but you cut him off with a smile. Knowing him, he would probably put your feelings above his and you did not want to be that friend who got jealous over best friends relationships, no matter how much you liked him.

“It’s fine Woo. You should go out with her. This looks like the perfect opportunity.” Saying that, you bid everyone goodbye and walked out of the canteen, trying to focus on how exciting today’s events were going to be. It wasn’t like he was going to hang out with her all the time right? Just the fireworks event would be enough, right?

You giggled at the thought of Wonwoo trying to ask someone out and wondered what would be her reaction. There was no way she would refuse him, right?

After all, in your eyes Wonwoo was perfect (and judging by the number of girls in his fan club, others agreed with you too. In fact, you realised bitterly, they had seen the boyfriend-material potential in him before you did.) He was sweet, handsome, tall, smart and a bit awkward at times which made him more endearing. But maybe it was because he was your best friend, or maybe it was because you were totally whipped for him that you found him so perfect. Even his flaws were perfections for you. Whatever the reason was, you knew the painful truth that no one could possibly take the place of Wonwoo in your heart.

And maybe, maybe a small part of you wished she would turn him down.

“How does this look on us?” Seungkwan and Chan asked, as they picked up matching couple masks, causing Soonyoung, Seokmin and you to snort with laughter. You were hanging out with the four of them (Seokmin had been pulled into your group of ‘emotional support’ after Seungkwan and Soonyoung complained that their trio booseoksoon was incomplete with only boo and soon so eventually he was even let into your secret).

The whole evening had been a blast for you, hanging out with the most chaotic crew of your friends group was definitely the best idea. They had made the entire evening more lively and you could feel a smile already tugging at the corner of your lips, knowing full well that Chan and Seungkwan were definitely up to something.

You sighed contently, as Soonyoung and Seokmin offered to help them look more couple-like. And this evening would have been just perfect, if only all of your agenda tonight wasn’t avoiding Jeon Wonwoo.

As soon as you heard what Jeonghan said, you confessed your thoughts on what Wonwoo might do to Soonyoung, who in turn called upon this mini gang who knew your secret for a solution.

So in conclusion, you were back to plan one: avoiding Wonwoo.

You had managed to dodge him the entire evening even though you were missing him a lot. No matter how much your group of friends tried to keep you distracted, it was like every single small thing in the fest reminded you of the times you spent with him some way or another.

You dearly wished you could go back to the days when you were unbothered by his presence, when your heart didn’t race by his mere actions or when your cheeks didn’t heat up at each and every compliment. It was like a part of you was missing, a very important part which wasn’t letting you enjoy and that’s when you realised how much you truly cherished and loved him.

Come on, Y/N. You thought to yourself. It’s not like you and Wonwoo were attached at the waist even back at school. There are many events you two spent without each other. Or were there?

So far you hadn’t bumped into Wonwoo or any of your other friends luckily, and you really hoped the entire night would pass by quickly in this manner. The night was a bit chilly and you were damn sure your best friend was going to wear one of his extra soft sweaters which always made him look tiny and made you want to collapse into his arms.

Presently, you found Seungkwan and Chan asking you the same question of how they looked, but this time Seokmin and Soonyoung had added more party stuff to their looks, like some goofy sunglasses and pompom earrings.

“You look like a desperate couple trying to fix their almost blown up marriage.” A familiar deep voice spoke from behind you as you felt an arm wrap around your shoulder. You froze for a second when the comforting scent hit you, and then finally looked up to see your grinning best friend at your side.

Except that he wasn’t grinning at you. In fact, he wasn’t even looking at you and you felt your stomach drop. Had you taken the game too far once again? At this rate you were pretty sure your friendship would be over by tonight.

Even your gang of friends seemed to be taken aback and for a second you were worried one of them; mostly Soonyoung or Chan; might blurt out asking how he had found them, making it obvious that they had been trying to avoid him but Seokmin was the first to recover and he burst out in laughter, pulling Mingyu into a (random) hug.

“Right? That’s exactly the look we were trying to go for!” Seokmin said.

“Ooh, let’s take a picture and then do Joshua and Jeonghan too.” Jun snickered, causing even you to laugh, making you almost forget that Wonwoo was right beside you.

The rest of your friends moved towards Seungkwan and Chan (fourteen people made it hard to actually fit in one small stall together), and so did you but Wonwoo’s iron-like grip prevented you from moving. You looked up at him once again and he still hadn’t looked at you, but you could see his jaws working.

“We need to talk.” He said and you gulped at how calm he sounded. It felt like the calm before the storm and you were really worried about what he was going to say.

“But- But the fireworks event starts in five minutes!” You protested and he looked at you now.

“Do you even have a date?” He asked. and you looked down at your feet, muttering a ‘no’.

“Well, neither do I. Come on, I found a better place to watch it.” Saying that, he stirred away from the crowd. Before you knew it, you were out of the ground where the fest was taking place, the cool night air causing you to shiver despite your jacket. You turned slightly and saw that you were right, Wonwoo was wearing a sweater.

It reminded you of the night he had kissed you.

“Are you cold?” Wonwoo asked gently, his tone completely changed now and somehow you felt relieved. Maybe he wasn’t angry after all. He probably didn’t even realise it.

You nodded. But what can he do about it? It’s not like he has a jacket or-

Wonwoo pulled you in closer to his body, your back hitting his chest and you felt your cheeks heat up. He wrapped his arms around you, engulfing you into his warmth and you couldn’t help but snuggle closer to him as though by reflex. He was still stirring you away from the fest, but now he was walking slower than before, as though making sure you didn’t accidentally trip over him.

Your heart felt like it was going to jump out of your chest, almost melting into a puddle because of how he held you, each touch causing goosebumps to rise up your arms (you were glad for your jacket now).

“Where are we going?” You whispered, though you were not sure why you were whispering. Maybe it was because you felt that talking loudly might ruin the mood he had created between the two of you, how much ever platonically he saw it.

“You’ll see.” He whispered back, his breath hot against your ears.

And now you saw where the two of you were heading to. It was the uphill part of your college campus where you and Wonwoo had rested the day after the party. The bench where you had realised you had feelings for him.

In a way Wonwoo was right. You definitely would get a better view here.

Finally, the two of you reached the designated spot and he let you go finally. You took a few steps away from him and looked away, trying to cool your cheeks.

“Y/N.” He called you and you turned towards him. Wonwoo covered the distance between the two of you in just two strides, and you found yourself in his embrace again. “Y/N?” He asked again.

“Yeah?” Your voice shook but you didn’t have it in you to pull away from his grip, to fight against this wonderful fluttering feeling anymore. He looked so beautiful, so beautiful, the moonlight giving a soft glow to his face and yet bringing out his sharp features. You let out a breath, feeling the entire world disappear as though it was just the two of you right now.

Wonwoo raised his hand and pushed his specs back up his nose bridge, causing you to flinch. You immediately regretted your action because he closed his eyes shut, brows frowning as though he had finally realised everything.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” His voice was strained, and it broke your heart hearing him like this. “Why didn’t you tell me what I did? I made you uncomfortable and you- and you-”

“Stop it, Woo.” You whispered, cupping his cheeks. His eyes fluttered open and when they met yours, you felt your heart swell with love. “You didn’t- I mean-”

“I’m so sorry Y/N. I'm so, so sorry. I should have realised it earlier-”

“No. It’s my fault too. I didn’t tell you anything.”

He pulled you into a hug, tightening his arms around you as though you might disappear if he let you go. You too clung on to him like he was your lifeline, burying your face into the crook of his neck. You shut your eyes close and somewhere far away, you vaguely heard someone shout that there was a minute left till the countdown.

“I- I have something else to tell you too.” He mumbled and you gently rubbed his back, urging him to go on. The cold had almost disappeared and you would have given up anything to freeze this moment. “Y/N. I love you.”

You froze at his words but Wonwoo went on. “I- I- know I shouldn’t be but I just couldn’t- I just can’t help it. I love you. I love you so much till the point that I can’t imagine a world without you. Even thinking about it makes breathing hard.”

He let out a hollow laughter and you broke from the hug, your hands still on his biceps as you looked at him but he refused to meet your eyes, choosing to stare down instead at the small gap between the two of you.

“You don’t have to respond to me. I just wanted you to know…that when I kissed you it wasn’t because I was drunk or something. I truly love you and I will always treasure you. I know I’m- I’m pathetic.”

“Jeon Wonwoo.” You exhaled and he finally looked back at you. “I kissed you back. Wonwoo, I kissed you back.”

“But that was because it was in the heat of the moment-”

“And then I realised how much I love you. I love you Wonwoo and you are the reason I cannot go to bed without thinking how I will probably end up messing up our relationship. But I can’t stop loving you either.”

Wonwoo blinked at you, as though mulling your words in his head. The two of you stared at each other, until you dropped your eyes down, unable to meet his soft gaze anymore.

“You know,” he said, causing you to look up at him. Down at the ground, the countdown had already started. “I’ve always been whipped for you. It’s like I’m a sucker for you.”

The countdown hit one and you felt Wonwoo jerk you closer to him, his lips crashing with yours. Your heart exploded along with the firecrackers in the sky, but all other noises drowned out when he pulled you in impossibly closer.

It reminded you of the first time you both kissed. But somehow this was different. It felt like there was more feelings in this one, making it more sensual. Wonwoo moved his mouth slowly and softly against yours, his warm lips on yours making your mind completely fuzzy.

He smelled so good, and you clung onto his neck as he rubbed soft circles on your back.

Finally the two of you broke apart, breathless but smiling at each other. Crowd below was clapping, causing you to grin more.

“How are you such a good kisser?” You asked, pretending to be suspicious. Wonwoo just laughed and brushed his nose against yours.

“You missed the fireworks because of me.” He said and you shook your head, pressing a chaste kiss on his lips which caused him to chase after yours.

“It’s fine. I saw different sparks this time.”

He rested his forehead against yours, staring at you softly, nearly causing you to scream internally not to look away.

“I can’t believe the prettiest girl in this world is in love with me.”

“You better believe it Mr.Jeon because now I need to fight off all your fangirls.”

He laughed, and you realised you had never heard a more endearing sound before.

“Don’t worry. I’ve been warding them for all these years just for you. Won’t be hard to do it for a few more years.”

A/N: Please do tell me what you think about this story!! I worked really hard on it and I would love to know everyone’s thoughts on it~ Comments and reblogs are appreciated!

1K notes · View notes

centipede-gutzz · 3 months

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📸 CONFESSIONS [DANNY JOHNSON X GN READER]

A/N: this feels like it should be a fic but i don't wanna write so it's "headcanons" instead. i need this man.

WARNINGS: blood, slight violence, make out sessions.

TYPE: headcanons, gn reader, romantic

---

Grass and dirt cover your backside as you're forcibly pushed to the ground. Sparks fly from the generator you were just working on, stuttering and smoking.

It was almost finished too. You look up to glare at the looming shadow on top of you. The Entity's choice of the killer for today was Ghostface himself, just perfect. You try to pry away from him but it's no use now, with your arms being pinned above your head to keep you from struggling.

"Oh, no no no! Can't have you scattering off again, now can we," Danny chuckles out while wagging his finger. God if you were able to move, you would punch this asshole so hard he would be out of commission for weeks.

He seems to notice your scowl and raises his knife to your throat, inches away from slicing. "Look how helpless you are. It pairs real nice with your pretty face," he says with a teasing tone of voice. You call him out, a smug grin plastered on your face as you point out the effects you must have on him. He must be head over heels for you if you're still alive and not on that dreaded hook.

Your taunting works as he grips his knife in anger. If only that mask was off, perhaps he was all flushed. Seems like your guess was correct.

"You're going to regret saying that, you little shit".

---

☆- as much as he doesn't want to admit it out loud, he really is obsessed with you.

☆- you're the only survivor with both bark and bite, always coming back with remarks and teases. it drives him mad.

☆- danny tries so hard to push back the giddiness he feels when he sees you during matches.

☆- seems like the type to subconsciously go for everyone else and save you for last so both of you are with each other for longer (which he does).

☆- always likes to take pictures of you whether you notice or not. when you're working on a generator, helping your teammates, or simply just sitting at the survivor camp laughing and smiling at your friends. likes to string them up on the walls of his cabin to admire your wonderful looks.

☆- he can't tell whether it's some weird obsession or genuine love. he doesn't have much experience with those types of feelings so it's not the easiest to pinpoint. you guys are just going to be stuck in this little cat and mouse game if neither of you make a move.

☆- danny grows on you as time passes by. while you don't show your interest in the same way he does, you just like to play along with his games. he loves a challenge, so you'll give him one.

☆- despite witnessing how shocked and flustered he gets whenever you say something back to him, you can't help but question if he truly feels the same way. you'd think he would've made a move by now.

☆- it starts to get to you. you're tired of running around in circles and having your thoughts plagued with questions and wonders about what he feels, so you decide to take matters into your own hands.

☆- during one of the many matches you had against ghostface, you were the final one left. desperately trying to listen for that glorious low drone of the open hatch.

☆- you clutch your bleeding sides, palms stained red. an attempt to unhook dwight let to you being attacked by danny (he blows you a kiss right after).

☆- the hatch is in your sights now, exhaling a breath of relief as you make a run for your exit. before you can reach it, a knife is dug into your shoulder.

☆- you cry out as you stumble onto the floor, danny's laughter ringing in your ears. you hit the ground in frustration as you hiss in pain.

☆- he lowers himself to look you in the eyes all the while taunting you, reaching in his pocket to pull out his camera for another picture.

☆- perhaps it's time to throw your thoughts out the window, you think to yourself as you pull him down to kiss the mouth part of his mask. you hear him make a noise of surprise as he drops his camera and jumps off you.

☆- for once in his life, danny is at a loss for words. he brings a gloved hand to his mask, breath heavy and heart racing. he was so caught off-guard that he didn't notice you crawl into the hatch, ending the match while he stands there dazed.

☆- when you spawn back at camp, the others congratulate you for making it out on your own. a couple of them ask you how you managed get out, yet you can only mumble out that it was pure luck, hoping they don't see your flushed face.

☆- danny is no different of course. he immediately makes a beeline to his cabin to think about everything that happened, the kiss replaying in his head over and over. he falls to his knees and glances up at your photos, wondering how this moment ever came to be.

☆- it's complete radio silence from then on. you haven't gone against him for about a week and you didn't even catch him stalking the survivor camp like he usually does.

☆- you start to wonder if you went to far, guilt creeping up on your mind. maybe he didn't see you that way. this whole situation made you seem out of it and unmotivated, your fellow survivors questioning your state of mind.

☆- you decide to stay on the outskirts of the camp one night. the others are making idle chat around the fire while waiting for the next match to finish. you kick a pebble as you stare at the grassy earth, lost in your thoughts.

☆- suddenly, hands cover your mouth and eyes as you get dragged into the forest. you thrash around violently and swear into the hand to let you go but the perpetrator's grip never falters.

☆- soon enough, you're being dragged into a cabin in the depths of the woods. you get dropped to the floor, the wood creaking below your weight. quickly raising to your feet, you yell various profanities and questions at the kidnapper before stopping to see danny standing in front of you.

☆- his mask is nowhere to be seen, yet his face still remains hidden underneath his hood. fist are balled to his sides as you feel his eyes gaze into your own. you think it's time to apologize for what you did.

☆- before you could even muster a word, his lips are on yours. they're chapped but you can't bring yourself to care as arms wrap around your shoulders, pushing you against the wall. you stumble a bit at first but quickly return the kiss with the same desperation.

☆- tongues dance together sinfully as you both make up for lost time, hands grasping whatever they could find. you don't know how long it's been going on for, constantly taking breaks to catch your breath before kissing him again. but god, something deep in your mind begs it for it to never stop.

☆- the air is too hot for your liking as you pull away (holding back a chuckle in reaction to danny's whine at the loss of contact). even when you're this close to him, his face is never shown. you would ask to see, but perhaps that's for a later time when you gain more trust.

☆- he looks at you, eyes filled with hunger and adoration. you try your hardest not to look away in embarrassment, and instead stare back with lidded eyes.

☆- "i think i'm in love with you." danny finally breaks the silence in the air. you raise an eyebrow as if to ask "you think?"

☆- danny grumbles and turns his gaze to the side. "give me a break, things never got this out of hand." you're confused about what he meant but quickly realized he meant love in general. it makes sense to you, seeing his stalking habits and actual murdering sprees.

☆- you give him a warm smile, affirming him that you plan to help him through the roller-coaster of love. he rests his head on the crook of your neck in silent thanks as you feel the smile against your skin.

☆- yeah, you could say that he's into you.

---

#📃 headcanons #💥 not a request #❤️ romantic #🔪 blood n' violence #dead by daylight x reader #dead by daylight x gn reader #dbd x reader #dbd x gn reader #ghostface x reader #ghostface x gn reader #danny johnson x reader #danny johnson x gn reader

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vampyrixdarling · 3 months

Note

I LOVED YOUR ZOMBIE SONIC WRITING HSHDJF

Okay so Sonic with a reader that he caught feelings for, right ? But the thing was, they were a big bad meanie guy out for BLOOD. They liked Sonic too, but refused to change their villainous ways tehe

IM IN LOVE Q THIS IDEA

HCs or a one shot is fine >:)))

— 「𝐒𝐨𝐧𝐢𝐜 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐚 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐰𝐡𝐨’𝐬 𝐚 𝐯𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐚𝐢𝐧」

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ MASTERLIST

╰┈➤ Sonic the Hedgehog x villain!reader

: ̗̀➛ synopsis; Sonic never could’ve predicted that he’d be falling for the same person who would actively endanger his home and his friends. But it happened. Mutual pining with slight rivalry mixed in with playful fighting, who’s to complain?

: ̗̀➛ Type; romantic headcanons

: ̗̀➛ warning(s); brief mentions of fighting (not detailed), swearing.

Likes/Reblogs are always appreciated!! <3

I’m like honestly SO embarrassed of the quality of this😭 please let this slide Orion I am BEGGING🙏🙏 my writing is normally SO MUCH BETTER I SWEAR

→ Sonic is someone who prides himself on being able to save his world from any threat that dares try to destroy it or hurt his friends or innocent people. He’s a hero, and he’s proud to call himself one. Sure, the praise and the fame that comes with it is cool and all, but all Sonic really cares about is saving all that he can, and taking down evil. He doesn’t need a reward for just doing what he loves. Hell, he’d even get to hangout with his friends just talking about the fight he had, and try some of Amy’s delicious deserts of course. Except if it was strawberry shortcake. He’d stay far away from that if he could.

→ You, on the other hand, were just another villain. You found a kind of sadistic joy in the misery of other people— a sick satisfaction from watching all those below you suffer a terrible fate at your hands. It’s always been this way for as long as you could remember, really. There wasn’t a moment you truly felt happy. No moment where you truly felt complete. And maybe, just maybe, causing pain and suffering to those undeserving made you feel just a little better about the dull, boring life you had. Something like the phrase, “if I can’t be happy, nobody can”, as much as you hated it.

→ But, nobody could deny the slight excitement you felt when the blue blur himself stood in your path, eyes locked on yours as he got ready to attack. A fight with him was never boring, that much was guaranteed. and perhaps you felt the same way, unfortunately you’d never get to finish your thought before he spin-dashed into you, sending you flying into the nearest wall.

“Ugh, come on, [Name]… haven’t we been over this once before?”

“Three times, actually. Learn to keep track.”

The hedgehog rolled his eyes as he sped towards you again. Meanwhile, with a cocky grin on your face, you shakily got up.

→ Sonic would feel extremely conflicted and confused. On one hand, you were everything he hated. Someone who felt joy in causing terror and harm upon those he cared for. But, on another hand, there was an undeniable chemistry between you guys. None of you would ever admit that, though.

→ He hated how felt this way about you. He shouldn’t feel anything like this for any of his enemies. But, there was also this one flaw about him. The fact that he’s willing to give second chances and hope for the best. He does see the good in you, no doubt about it. It’s just that you’re being so damn difficult, he wish you’d just give up.

→ But you weren’t oblivious to this. You saw how the hedgehog briefly hesitated before landing a punch to you. You saw how his eyes lit up once he realized you weren’t dead from that landing. And, a part of you felt pity for him. You realized how hard this was for him, to hurt someone he’s grown to love, and you really wished you wouldn’t care. But you did.

Because you loved him too.

→ None of you took the realization well. You both hated each other for feeling this way, and while you both tried to separate from each other, you just kept coming back. You both would swear it’s because you’re causing trouble and Sonic’s just trying to save everyone, but you both knew it was different. But one day, during a pretty heated fight..

“Why can’t you just let me do what’s best for you, [Name]?!”

“This isn’t what’s best! You don’t know anything about me!”

“I know that I love you!”

…

Oh.

Oh..

→ Once the awkwardness was out of the way, and you two were finally able to confront each other… you got it all out. You both had a talk about how you really felt. He expressed his concerns, and you voiced your clear distain towards leaving your villainous ways. Which, he understood. He hated how you refused to stop, but you just wouldn’t listen to him. So after negotiating, you agreed to slightly tone down your attacks. Which wasn’t much, but at least you weren’t killing anybody.

Bonus: He’d LOVE chasing after you and getting into so many playful fights with you while you’re attacking the town. It would be so fun and exciting for the both of you.

#sonic the hedgehog x reader #sonic x reader #headcanon

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inknopewetrust · 11 months

Text

𝚌𝚘𝚗𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚐𝚎𝚗𝚌𝚎

summary: you are recruited to the spider society after conducting a batch of vigilante actions against the men who killed your husband, miguel and well... their leader isn’t like the man you remembered.

pairing: miguel o’hara x spider-woman!reader [wc: 12.7k]

warnings: language. this has got everything: backstory, meeting, conflict, angst, sadness, tie-ins with the film, (i hope you're reading this in a stefon voice), ethical dilemmas, vigilante shit, violence, romantic love strains, etc., etc.

Manhattan was rainy. It was always rainy.

But let’s do this again, shall we?

The skyline was high. Muddled variants of blues and reds, the colors that had painted your life for a decade now. It was silly to imagine a world of color beyond that–it's all you knew, you had nothing left.

And all of that nothing was the consequences of the dealings of a few bad men.

You breathed in deep. They were right there, right below your feet.

Their laughter in their indifference to life was vexing. It made your blood broil and bubble to the surface where you thought your eyes may have been red and your grip on the stone building was onerous.

In the distance, police sirens blared across the city where crime did not take a backseat because their most treasure hero was rogue. People were in trouble but you saw cessation of hope with every second that passed and those in charge did nothing to avenge your husband.

Husband. Nevertheless, what you had was gone and never coming home to you. The least you could do was try to find the justice to be brought by your own hands.

"Nah, man..." One of the men–a blonde, high-tech worker from the east side of town–shook his head. "We can't go there. They've got cameras all over the place! Ain't no way we are gettin' out free."

"Well then we go downtown and hit one alongside the river. We'll set up a boat and get us to Brooklyn before they can even suspect anyone was there," another collaborator said. Blondie shook his head determined.

"You think Spider-Girl isn't gonna be waitin' for us?" He scoffed, scuffing his shoes against the pavement. You perched straighter as you peered down. Spider-Woman. It was Spider-Woman.

“She got Mikey last week, Simon two days ago… we don’t have much left and if you think robbin’ fuckin’ Wall Street is gonna save us, you’re wrong.”

A sensible criminal with blood on his hands. Nice.

“Besides, they got the police captain on her ass and while they’re out lookin’ for her, they won’t sweat the small stuff,” blondie pulled a black ski mask from his jacket.

“It’s now or never,” he slipped it on and walked to the door of the bodega on the corner. He held out his hand as if his friend was actually a true friend and not a piece to his own networked puzzle.

Your stomach turned and the sight made your spine tingle.

Outside on the sidewalk of the street in the rain of New York City, the two men who were left of the dirty dozen walked into the grocer with no intention to buy anything.

It hadn’t dawned on you that as you dropped to the pavement, you weren’t wearing your suit or mask.

The hub was quiet.

In this slick world, everything was silver and green and the headquarters were no different — yet too different for Peter to know that he wasn’t from this universe and always felt out of place.

A picture on desk that wasn’t his grounded him to a separate reality; one of love and hope and a small child’s laughter.

Spider-Byte’s was typing away on the keys beside him while he tapped away on the table top.

Nothing exciting had happened since the… glitch. It had been a long nine months without the glue that had put him back together.

That was until Spider-Byte’s computer started beeping in a manic fashion. It was a sound neither of them had heard before. A high pitched siren blaring loudly from a machine the the left of Peter, a button glowing red and flashing.

“Uh,” Peter pointed to the button, “you got any clue what that’s about?”

Spider-Byte shook her head as she pulled up a database on a screen. Her tech hands glided over the keys like music, fluid and fast and working with a purpose.

“Some system Miguel’s got here,” she muttered and Peter attempted to cover the small speaker beside the button with his hand—it didn’t work.

“Where is he? He said he’d be right back and now we’re facing the end of the wor—“

“I doubt this is the end of the world, Peter!” Spider-Byte cut him off harshly. “Now would you be useful and go find Miguel?”

As the dutiful Spider-Person he was, Peter rushed out of the central lair and into the bright white halls of the headquarters. Everyone he passed he asked the same question:

“Hey! You’ve seen Miguel anywhere?”

“Yo! Seen the big man around?”

He slid up to a group of variant Julia Carpenters as they sipped on coffee in the cafeteria. Peter gave them a sly smirk, trying to be cool, and snapped his fingers.

“Have any of you seen the boss today? Looking fine as usual.”

Synchronized, the Julia’s pointed to the empanada station and sure as shit, there was Miguel, talking with the vender who yes, just happened to also be a Spider-Man.

“Miguel!” Peter screeched from the table and Miguel’s mind went soured. A violent jolt to his instincts as the new father came barreling toward him.

“¡At no…!” Miguel mumbled to himself as Peter skidded to a halt, dropping his hand on Miguel’s shoulder with a clunk.

“Hey, Boss! Whatcha… watcha doin’ out here?” Peter chuckled nervously and Miguel narrowed his eyes. “You said you’d be right back.”

“I did,” Miguel drawled. “I told you five minutes and it’s only been three, Peter.”

Peter laughed, glancing around the space as confused gazes began to pick up on the pebbles of sweat that dripped from his temple.

“Oh! You don’t say?”

“What’s so impo—“ Miguel began but never finished. Lyla appeared out of thin air with a casual urgency unlike Peter’s frantic one.

“We’ve got a doozy here for ya, boss.”

With Lyla, everything came to life smoothly. As she snapped her fingers, holograms of screens appeared like magic and on them, an un-masked, Spider-Woman was beating the shit out of thieves in a bodega.

“Jesus,” Peter whispered to himself.

“He doesn’t come here,” Miguel replied without a smile nor a chuckle but it took Peter back.

Miguel was watching the woman carefully. This Spider-Woman was not apart of the society and was actively doing what no Spider-Person should do. However, Miguel knew the actions. He felt them deep within his bones and the mistakes he had made as a newly minted Spider-Man 2099.

“Name’s Y/n L/n… a former nurse who got mixed up in a bad batch of blood for a transfusion. This isn’t the first time we’ve been alerted about her,” Lyla debriefed and Miguel snapped.

“What do you mean, ‘not the first time?’”

“These are a group of men she’s been targeting. It’s got to do with her,” Lyla cleared her throat that was nonexistent, “canon event.”

“We have to bring her in,” Miguel began walking away from Peter and Lyla followed. “I am NOT having some vigilante shit show up on this doorstep. Peter, get Jess, brief her and get a day pass to bring along.”

“Miguel,” Peter wagered, “what if this is associated with her canon? What if she’s just an anti-hero in her world?”

“She’s not,” Lyla piped back in. “She’s a hero, hero. And this isn’t part of her canon event. You’ve gotta know how grief moves people?”

Miguel grunted, Peter sighed.

“Get Jess. I’ll wait for you,” Miguel pushed on Peter’s shoulder to send him the other way.

Once alone and down the winding halls near the center of the headquarters, Lyla spoke again perched on Miguel’s shoulder.

“Miguel, I think there’s something you should know?”

“Know what, Lyla?” Miguel’s attitude had always been sour—she had been there from his creation and it never changed. He never truly smiled, he never truly laughed.

Miguel O’Hara was a tough nut to crack in a world full of people who lived off joy and laughter.

But she could feel the sensations radiating off of him. Those strident lines of afflictions that were masked by the way he covered his face. The tense nature of his shoulders as he walked further and further away but closer to a person he’d never thought to face again.

It felt like an intrusion all over again.

“You know what, Lyla?”

“I know what you’re thinking,” she defended, hologramed hand squeezing his shoulder. “But there are a million Peter’s and Gwen’s and MJ’s out there.”

“This isn’t her,” Miguel huffed. “She would never do this.”

“But she is, Miguel… and her canon event is you.”

“So a possible disruption?”

“It’s already happened,” Lyla explained, giving immediate explanation to your actions. Miguel did not know you in this way, but he could imagine why such feelings would manifest in violence.

“Good, good.”

Lyla scoffed, hopping to her feet. “I wouldn’t say it’s ‘good,’ boss. You died in her world. You were married in her world. I think she’s gonna wanna slap you for even existing in another timeline.”

“Why?” Miguel quirked a brow. “You know her or something? Keeping secrets from me now?”

To save her, Peter and Jess entered the lair with their bands glowing. Lyla simply shrugged and disappeared before they jumped into an Earth that would feel like they own but be nothing like it.

“Miguel," Jess was already shaking her head. Three months pregnant and still doing work, both Peter and Miguel would not be surprised if the child arrived wearing a suit of their own. "There's no anomaly there–there hasn't been a case in that world of a villain glitching from another."

"It's not about the bad guys," Miguel walked toward them to meet them in the middle. "What she's doing no Spider-Person has done before and what's the purpose of a society if we don't help one of our own?"

Lyla appeared between the three ready to open the portal.

"One last thing, folks!" She walked around casually glowing and pushed up her heart shaped glasses to her hairline. "She's not wearing her suit - so if you don't work fast, her identity will be known to the public and well! We just can't have that, can we?"

"Fantastic!" Peter complained as Miguel opened up the portal. "They are a bit suffocating really, if you asked me."

"Well we didn't," Miguel gruffed.

"What's her name? Just Spider-Woman?" Jess asked. "Should we just yell 'Hey! Spider-Woman! Stop it! You're actually a good person!'"

"Y/n. Her name is Y/n and don't freeze up when you see her, alright bud? Alright! See you all when you get back! Have fun!" Lyla waved, patting Miguel's leg as she walked the floor and disappeared once more.

Stretching out his legs, Peter did not miss the glare Miguel gave Lyla. His eyes cold and hardened; he knew so little of this leader but felt he knew so much. Miguel wasn't like the other Spider-People and well, he assumed perhaps you were not either.

Peter missed that he should have recognized your name.

He had been there with Miguel when the other world collapsed.

"Anything else you wanna tell us, boss?" He pushed. Miguel shook his head and slipped on his mask in more ways than one.

"She's disturbing her own canon by going rogue. I'm not going to let her destroy it because she's... upset."

Jess laughed and Miguel was indignant. "If she's a bad egg, she's a bad egg, Miguel. You can't save everyone."

"She's not a bad one!" Miguel scolded her, pointing out toward the darkness of the portal. "She's not supposed to do this and we need to fix this! Y/n is good!"

Peter smirked, wiggling his brows. He could sense Miguel's anger muddled with a nervous fear he never had. "Y/n, Miguel... first name basis already and we haven't even met her. You move fast, don't you?"

"Oh, you are so fucking annoying! She was my wife!"

Peter's eyes nearly popped out of their sockets. "Oh no! Not again, nope!"

"She doesn't exist in this world anymore, Peter," Earth 928, "and in another timeline, she's taken the mantle."

Jess jutted her hip out as the whirring of the portal loomed over them. "So you exist in her's too then? This won't be too confusing. It's just like Peter and MJ or Gwen in the thousands of realities that exist."

"Sure, sure," Miguel said. "But there are only three realities where she exists and," he cleared his throat as he looked down the portal, "this is the last one left."

"We shouldn't risk it. We can't collapse another world."

"We won't collapse it."

"How do you know that?" Peter questioned. There was always a level of selfishness when it came to those someone loved most.

"I just... I just know! You're not in charge here, Peter. If I don't have any hesitations right now, then neither can you."

"Well then," Peter strutted through the portal and turned around before his body was completely gone, "Let's go get us another Spidey then, yeah?"

And he saluted Miguel and Jess before jumping in.

"You've been monitoring her world?" Jess asked and Miguel looked to his feet. She had never seen him so bashful. Never one to make a scene of rash emotional actions, the causation would need

"I watch over many worlds."

"Yeah but come on," She dug, "this is a lot different than those worlds. You know her."

"I don't know her," Miguel defended himself and took a step further into the portal. "She isn't my wife. She's just a version of her that I don't know."

"Mhm," Jess hummed and drummed on her arm as they remained crossed from the moment Miguel said you were his wife. "Let's go meet her then. Then you can go on and on about how she's everything you remember but not the same."

And she walked through the portal before she disappeared to leave Miguel alone.

With clenched fists, Miguel breathed in deep and appeared in a reality he promised never to interfere with.

Inside of the bodega, the two men bartered with one another in the aisle. They looked to be two friends having a conversation in the middle of the shop but their intentions were not pure.

The bell above the door rang as you entered. Shoulders and hair wet from the rain, the cashier paid you no mind as he changed the station on his portable radio sat on the counter.

There were three civilians inside. One, the cashier who was oblivious and that is the sole reason these thugs decided to hit the bodega. An 'easy' target to get in and out. Two, a woman who was going grey at her temples. And three, a teenage kid with untied sneakers.

You ducked behind a shelf as you watched them in the aisle beside you. Between the chips and pretzels they concocted their idiotic plan in the presence of innocent people as they always did–it was how their bank robbery disaster went sideways six months ago.

When civilians are present, one of them will always try and become the hero. It is what Miguel did and now he's six feet under in a cold box.

"Excuse me, Miss," the older woman pointed to the bag of chips that your hand was resting on. She turned your attention away from the men. "Could I get one of those? I don't mean to be a–"

The men began to make their moves and you were distracted by the woman. She had kind eyes. Easy and familiar and a familial feeling to them as she waited patiently for you to move.

"Yes, yes," you replied as you got out of her way. "Sorry."

You didn't know why you apologized. Maybe you felt sorry she found herself in this bodega at an hour such as this.

"No worries, dear." The boy wasn't far from her either. He was shuffling through a freezer looking for a drink that wasn't there.

As she grabbed onto the bag, the radio dropped to the floor and turned off. It startled everyone inside and the cashier filled the silence with his desperate pleas.

"Oh my," his jaw chattered, "please... I don't have anything.... I-I-I I've gotta lot of student lo-o-oans and I really n-need this job."

He was staring into a silver barrel of a gun by the hands of the blonde who orchestrated everything. The older woman screeched behind you and the freezer door slammed shut with a "oh hell no!" following its thud.

You imagined the fear they felt was the same Miguel felt that day. Sitting there, hostage on the bank floor with a check to cash from his mother for his birthday.

The check was in evidence splattered with his blood.

In the neon light of the bodega, you made a choice to never let that happen again.

The cashier kept muttering whole-hearted pleas and the friend reached over the counter to open the register's drawer but it was locked.

"Unlock it!" Blondie ordered, shaking the gun closer and closer to the cashier who looked close to wetting himself. Behind you, the older woman crouched to the floor began praying to herself.

"Unlock it now, you son-of-a-bitch! You wanna end up on the floor? Open it!"

The cashier, who now you realized had a name badge on that read 'Max', began to reach for the keys that were hooked onto the counter.

Fear in his eyes, anticipation in theirs, anger in yours.

Anger always caused the tides to turn.

You reached your hand forward in a quick motion and the web that released itself from your wrist snatched the keys from the hook. Max flew backwards in a jolt of despair and the barrel was soon pointed at you.

"Oh you have got to be kidding!" Blondie screeched and fired a shot. He missed. It was sent right into a chip bag and exploded them all over the floor. You tossed the keys to the older woman and went for the gun.

Like child's play, the gun flew across the bodega and into your palm to be crushed like a piece of fruit. It was still hot from being fired and its pieces crumbled to the floor.

"What the fuck–" the woman stuttered.

"So," Blondie spoke and you hated his tone. Condescending and mighty. "Spider-Woman has a face..."

This friend pulled a bracelet from his pocket that lit up green. It glowed as brightly as the neon signs in the window blurred by the rain.

"She does," you replied. "And it will be the last face you see."

He laughed. They always did. It was an inescapable pattern of dealing with enemies who thought they would win. They never did, and they all thought the same way.

"Is that so? I would really hate to have the Bugle's headline to read: Spider-Woman killed innocent civilians at the 6th street Bodega." He let out a series of tisks with a shake of his head. "Who knew heroes could be so bad?"

He looked to his friend. "Herman..."

The friend, Herman, locked eyes on you and approached quickly and with a heavy hand charging with the green of the gauntlet. You could hearing the whirring and the loading of the power.

Instead of moving out of the way, you turned and pushed the older woman away. She slid on the slick floor into a corner with her bag of chips still in her hand.

The shock hit you with a staggering power. It blew you backwards into an ice freezer in the back of the store. As you landed on the ground, the woman whimpered in the corner and the boy caught your eye underneath a table by the restrooms.

He couldn't have been more than fifteen.

And he wasn't going to die today.

So, you got back on your feet and brushed off your jacket. The residual sting of the shock began to wear off and the men looked at you with a challenge.

"Who knew fighting the Spider would have been so easy?" Blondie laughed. "Where were you when we started? It would have been a much more fair fight."

"Busy," you spat.

"Huh," he hummed with a nod of his head. It was like he was trying to clock you–the way his eyes squinted and he tilted his head just a bit higher than it normally would have been. "Say, have we met before?"

"I'm sure I would remember. This is certainly a pleasurable encounter."

Blondie didn't let the words sting. You weren't a Spider who stung with a bite.

"I've seen your face before..."

"Maybe I just have one of those faces," you quirked a brow and Herman charged his gauntlet again. "Is this the worst you can do? Threaten a few innocents and have your friend do all the work? What happened to real criminals, huh?"

"Funny," he walked like a villain. Hands in his pockets, shoes scuffing the floor. "I've heard that one before." His mind raked the last time he heard that.

"Well it must say something about you then."

Herman went to shock again and you shot a web at him. He went soaring into a wall, head hitting it hard.

"I know!" He snapped his fingers like a lightbulb went off inside. Clarity now in a world filled of unclear ways. "I've seen your picture before."

"So what?" You matched his movements as he moved toward the center of the store. Every tight aisle blocked your view like a shutter.

"'Is this the worst you can do?' Someone told me that a short time ago. A man who tried to get in my way."

Miguel.

He was at the bank. He had his check ready, he was at the counter. Miguel had his wallet out and prepared.

He had a photo in his wallet.

"And I think you know how that turned out for him. But here's the thing, Spider-Woman... I don't hate the idea of having that same fate met you tonight. I imagine being so deep underneath the ground it gets a little lonely."

He stopped at the center, so did you.

"I think it's time for you to join him."

But all you saw was red.

There was an intense pulsing pressure inside of the bodega. You weren't sure how much time had passed as your fist dug deeper and deeper into the man who spoke too much and had little to act upon.

Whimpers of those left inside were deferred. The begging of his friend fell on deaf ears.

In the corner beside the three civilians–the woman, teen, and cashier–a glowing hexagonal portal opened to the dimension in which they lived. It hummed like a freezer and moved like something from the cinema they watched last year but instead of aliens appearing from the abyss, three people emerged no different than the way they walked.

They were people, human. Three Spider-People in a world that already had a Spider-Woman.

In their perspective the heroes were welcome. They were terrified and huddled within one another as one robber was webbed to the wall and the other was being beaten to a pulp by a woman with super-human strength.

"Peter," Miguel motioned to the civilians in the corner, "get 'em out of here."

The humble servant Peter was, he acted quickly. His nervous high-pitched voice soothing their fears with panic and disbelief that three masked people walked through a portal as though it was any other day.

"Get the man down, Jess," Miguel pointed to the guy webbed to the wall. Jess tipped her head to the side with an amused, sly grin on her face as he wept. Chick's a badass, she thought.

A violent one at the moment, albeit, but a badass nonetheless.

Fist hovered in the air, you went rigid as the sensations coursed through you. A striking feeling that felt more like a severe headache that came on too quickly, the immense pressure your body suddenly took on wasn't unfamiliar.

You had felt them before. It happened when something in the air changed. When something you knew could disappear or when time was suddenly running short. There was no term for it nor did any other person in this world feel what you felt.

The man below you gurgled. It was, just like the sensation, a sound that awoken something within you. It cleared the vision from red to reality and suddenly the harsh lighting of the bodega and the reflections of the neon signs on the linoleum filled in the edges.

"Shit," you stammered as your grip on his body lessened with every second.

Those consistent strums of radiating itching went from the top of your head to the base of your skull. A humming in the distance turned into a whirring sound that was too extraneous to come from a small place such as this one.

In an instant, the aluminum window covers were pulled from the ceiling by a pair of red, glowing lines reminiscent of webs. It shut out the outside world and the rain that had been pouring down for hours. The neon lights no longer reflected themselves on the flooring.

A hero, a villain... at some point those had all become the same to you.

The ideas that propelled them to act were all based in something that made them feel passionate enough to target an opposing force. When a hero turns to the fragmented middle of the road and balances the line of enemy and friend, the revelations of such shame grow from a deeper place of pain.

"Let him go."

The voice in your head sounded so much like Miguel.

And once your senses stopped going wild, your heart lept into your throat at the thought.

You buried him. You buried him six feet under.

The door to the bodega's alley opened and closed.

"Come on," the voice said again, "let him go and we can clean up this mess."

"Stop," you mumbled, shutting your eyes as your fists clenched the man's jacket harder. The one that had been in the air dropped to his chest. It was wet with the mixture of sweat and blood.

"Stop it please. Please stop it."

"Those civilians are gonna go get the police," his voice was low. It was that kind of voice that Miguel would use to talk you down from a nightmare–or maybe what this dimension had made you.

"And when they get here, what do you think they're gonna do when they see you sittin' over him?"

"Stop talking, stop talking, stop talking–" you repeated again and again. A thud in the distance set the blonde's friend on the floor and a web kept him in place once more.

"Boss they're gonna take her," another voice, not one you had ever head before filled the room and suddenly you were terrified that it wasn't voices you were hearing in your head. "We gotta bring her back with us."

"Alright! Three darling innocents saved again by, you guessed it," a far too cheerful voice added to the collection, "me."

You were curled into yourself over the blonde. Peter saw a woman, not dressed in a traditional uniform, use her powers for bad. But he saw the destruction of the man and knew that it wasn't from sheer wickedness.

He had seen you care so much before. It had to come from a place of caring.

"Well," he cleared his throat, "this is... a lot." And then he blanched.

"Jess," Miguel motioned to your static figure. He turned around and walked away as if to say 'you got it.'

There was an inflection in his voice that made Jess bristle. She hated the tone; removed and vacant. He was already living a humorless existence and the idea that this dimension made you act this way fractured himself in a new way.

"You heard him," Peter went scouring the aisles, plucking a bag of dried beef from a shelf to shove his mouth with. "You got this!" He gave a half-hearted thumbs up.

So, Jess had this.

She didn't crouch down. She didn't attempt to place a hand on your shoulder or help clean off your hands.

Jess kneeled on the other side of the man and your distant eyes met hers to know you weren't alone. You weren't alone in your pain and you certainly weren't alone in this world.

Your first thought was that she was pretty. Your second thought was that this woman was pregnant and that made you sad.

"Looks like you've gotten yourself in a bit of a mess," she spoke quietly but acted quickly. She placed her fingers on the pulse of the man.

He was breathing.

"Who are you?"

"Name's Jess."

"Jess," you repeated, "and Jess comes from...?"

She saw your lip tremble, eyes welling with tears. Jesus, she thought, she wasn't ready to be a mother if she couldn't deal with a thirty-something spider-woman who happened to be Miguel's wife in three different dimensions.

"Earth–404."

"Earth?"

"You felt that, right?" She motioned to her head, mimicking a tingling sensation with her fingertips. You nodded.

"Well, a lot of us have it... and I mean people like you and me... and I know it makes no sense, but if you can fight mutant enemies, maybe you can imagine there are other worlds out there."

"Like planets?" You sniffed and your hands began to shake. Everything bubbling to the surface of pain and anger. "You're from another planet?"

"Not really, but kinda, sure," she agreed for your sake.

"And your friends?"

"Different planets too."

You breathed in a shaking breath. Somewhere in the distance, you could hear the sirens begin to blare. It may have been 10 blocks or 6 blocks, but they were coming and they were coming in fast.

"Now," Jess cleared her throat, "it looks like you've gotten yourself in a little situation that needs a bit of help."

Jess was the most sympathetic she had ever been. The way your hands shook, your tiredness expanded beyond you. Maybe it was the fact she knew what made you go off the deep end that made her feel more thoughtful.

"They, um-"

"It's ok," Jess said and didn't let you finish. "We just need to get you somewhere safe, ok? Me and my friends can help you."

The sheen in your eyes was cloudy. Face wet and brushed with splatter of a man who was not yours, there was a lifeline to get you out of here and you had to take it.

You shook your head softly before it became more frantic. "I don't have anyone to go to... I don't have anyone."

"You do," her hand hovered over the man's body as Peter came back and lowered himself beside Jess. "You're gonna have a whole group behind you if you let us help."

"We'll get you all cleaned up and then introduce you. There is a whole universe of us out there."

"Us?"

"Spider-People?" He questioned, brows furrowed. Jess hadn't been explicit.

"A society," she drew back from Peter. "Like myself and Peter," indirectly introducing him, "and you and–" she stopped short.

"And you want me there?"

"Yeah," Peter said. "I mean, we could use some more badass Spider-Women around."

"But I–"

"Don't worry about all this, alright? We all have our moments."

Peter reached out his hand for you to take. There was a certain level of hesitancy you felt; perhaps it was a trick or maybe you were trapped in another nightmare. But Peter gave a small smile. He gave off a warmth that Jess had exuded and made you nearly forget that there were three voices and not their two.

You took Peter's hand.

The man was breathing, he would live even if he didn't deserve to. The sirens were no more than 3 blocks away.

"You gonna need one of these," Jess held out her hand to reveal a rubber bracelet.

"A day pass," she explained, "to help you adjust."

"Adjust?"

"It's better to ask fewer questions," Peter scrunched his face. "Less confusion for you."

You slipped on the bracelet.

"We good here?"

It was that voice again, the one from the back of your head.

"We gotta go. Time is ticking."

Except this voice wasn't the back of your head now that you've realized there were others in this bodega. As you rose from the floor and began walking as Jess led the way, the friend was passed out on the floor and a glowing hexagonal portal was lingering in the back of the store.

The sounds, the sensations... it meant something.

"All good, Boss. The robbers will live."

The man in the blue suit–from what you could tell–nodded and looked in your direction but said nothing. There was something in your body that was sending alarm bells to your mind but you ignored them.

They weren't like the sensations you had felt before. These were different in a way you couldn’t explain.

“Right let’s, ah,” he hesitated as his hands rested on his hips. You looked at him and he looked away. “Get moving then.”

“What’s going to happen when I go through that thing?” You pointed to the portal.

He didn’t look at you. He couldn’t look at you. All he saw was his wife who used to laugh at his corny jokes and rest her head on his shoulder in bed. He saw, in one dimension, the mother of his child and he saw a happy, generous nurse who loved her job.

But when he looked at you know, part of that image was shattered.

You were a little bit broken and a little bit worn down by the world you lived in. You had blood-splattered clothing and tear stained cheeks and it was enough to make his heart ache more than it already did.

“It will pop you out just where we want you,” Peter said as he took a step into the portal and his body began to glitch with the moving sphere around him. “Just walk in and it will do the rest.”

“And it’s safe?”

“So far, yeah!” And he ran off before he disappeared.

“I’ll see you there, alright?” Jess turned to you, then looked at Blue before giving a smile that was as flat as a dead man’s heart beat.

She walked in just as suave as she came.

Suddenly, it was just the two of you and it felt strange.

There were so many feelings lingering that you couldn’t grasp onto. The air was comfortable but hesitant; there was a barrier of distrust and burden, but one that itched to reach out a hand to help.

“You know,” you sniffed back a chuckle, “I half thought I was crazy for a second.”

“About what?” He asked. “The fact that you almost killed a man or the portals? Both are equally crazy.”

In any other circumstance you would have thought he was being sarcastic.

You shook your head. You were beginning to feel the weight of your actions.

“I thought I heard voices… a voice in my head.”

“Mhm.”

“Yeah,” you glanced at the portal.

A lull. The whirring of the portal, the sounds of police cars went mute when you looked back. Blue was looking at you but you couldn’t see his eyes. You couldn’t see a thing and indeed, you didn’t know his name.

Blue.

Miguel’s favorite color was blue.

“Thank you,” you said earnestly. “For coming here. I think I’m still a bit shell-shocked,” you laughed and he knew you were, “but maybe I was waiting for this… I don’t know.”

“It’s our job.”

Blue was done with the conversation at that point. He walked to the portal, his body glitching just like Peter and Jess’s did.

“Come on,” he motioned to you.

“What’s your name? The other two—they introduced themselves.”

“Spider-Man.”

“That’s not your name.”

He let out a huff. “You wanna be caught by the police? Fine.” He began walking again and the glitching became more erratic.

“Who’s to say you’re all not some group of aliens trying to kidnap me? At least the other two looked like me!”

His patience too was skating on thin ice.

“Come on, kid, let’s go.”

Maybe you weren’t crazy.

“What did you just say?”

He turned his body back to you and walked out of the portal. On the precipice of where you stood just beyond and where he did, he towered over you.

“I’m giving you a chance here. You come with me now or you’re dead here.”

“Kid. You said ‘kid.’ Why did you say that? Why did you say I was a kid?”

“I didn’t mean it like that, let’s go.” Like a rhythmic pattern, he turned back around.

“I’m not crazy. I know I’m not fucking crazy.” You sure as hell looked it. “Why did you say kid? Who told you to call me kid?”

“No one—“

A sudden banging on the door to the bodega caught the attention left in the room. Blondie started to gurgle, you stood steadfast, and Blue was agitated.

You took a step into the portal. Progress.

“Nobody calls me kid, no one. Why won’t you tell me your name? Who the hell are you people? Who are you?”

“We don’t have time for this!” The way he said your name that followed was one you had heard a million times.

It was just like Miguel used to say.

“Take off your mask.” You demanded and stepped further again.

“Take off your fucking mask or I’m stepping out of this goddamn thing and going to prison.”

The police began to feverishly hit the glass with their batons.

“Take it off,” you begged, “please. Please let me see you.”

And how could he say no to his wife who begged so mercilessly?

There was a time where you replayed that moment over and over in your mind.

You could still feel the way your breath caught in your chest. An immense wave of emptiness washed from you and filled with a jittery dismay that had no outlet.

His eyes were no different; the way his lips sat and his brow furrowed.

You felt the silent shed of tears mask your face before the glass breaking set Miguel moving toward you, grabbing your hand and pulling you through the portal.

His touch was the same.

And when he opened his mouth, what he sounded like was different from what he said and you were quick to realize that this Miguel was not your Miguel.

This Miguel despised people who lived happy lives.

This Miguel was mean and callous and demanding

This Miguel worked beyond reasonable hours and made being a Spider-Man his life’s purpose.

That was not your Miguel.

There was no making sense in that moment. You either believed it or you didn't and if you didn't, then they'd drop you back off in a world that had your face plastered on wanted posters and big screens in the middle of the city.

So you made sense of it and made some semblance of life within the four walls of the Spider Society headquarters with the Grade A asshole known as Miguel O'hara – not your husband.

The grief of that worked in waves. It came and went when life continued to move. It was strange to think that what brought you here, to this future, occurred one year ago.

Sat by a window looking out into an Earth that was not yours, you swung your legs as those thoughts crossed your mind. The chatter of a thousand Spider-people filled the space around you.

A thud sounded on the beam a few feet from you. Soft, nearly mute shoes tapping their way beside you. Green. The color of artificial grass in a children's playset, nearly blue.

"Watcha doing?"

There was never a moment of peace here. But you closed you eyes, sighed and a smile quirked on your lips.

"You daydreaming? I wonder what it's like out there..." Gwen Stacy joined the Spider-Society three months ago. "It looks so... contempo."

"Contempo? Where did you hear that?"

"I read you know," she tipped her head up in mock offense. "Kids do read when they're in school."

"Yeah, yeah," you brushed her off.

"So... what are you up to today? I was thinking we could monitor the dimensions with Jess and maybe catch a bad guy or two–" Gwen's fists mimicked boxing, "–and then Peter said he'd bring Mayday around–"

"Slow down," you chuckled. "I am up to nothing, thanks for asking and if that's what you want, sure."

Her eyes lit up when on most days they didn't.

"Really!?"

"Mhm, yeah, sure."

"Great!" Gwen got to her feet and wrung her hands. "Jess was in the control center so–"

"Control center?"

Gwen hummed, hands clasping behind her back comically.

"Yep! Just... chillin' by a screen. You know, she's got that baby on the way and all so we thought it'd be best to keep her inside for the time being and she doesn't like that but she said–" Gwen went on and on as the words came pouring out.

"Gwen."

"–that she would rather die than have to sit here and watch screens all day. I told Peter she would hate it and he agreed with me but sometimes he brings–"

"Gwen."

"–Mayday around just to cheer us up that we haven't gone on that many missions and its always well... you know... and we feel like we can't do anything to help out sometimes–"

"Gwen!" You shouted at her. She stopped her rambling; blue eyes wide and ears listening. "Just... take a breath, alright?"

"Sorry," she said sheepishly.

"You don't have to be sorry," a sharp breath steadied you. "I'm not going to go with you to the control room."

"Please," she begged. You imagined this is what it was like having a teenage daughter who wanted the most unattainable of things. "I promise it will be fine! Miguel's not even there so you don't have to worry about what he said last time!"

"That was three days ago, Gwen!"

"So what!?"

The last time was three days ago.

Ever since you arrived, it had been nothing but anger and hostility pushed toward you from him but you were not easy on him either. It was hard facing a piece of your past that had every connection but no foundation at the same time.

Earth 9591 was in ruins and the screens replayed the horrors of the people over and over. It was desolate. Earth was crumbling in on itself and a medieval Rhino had found itself in the mess as Earth 9591 Peter was on his last leg.

According to Miguel, this Peter was supposed to experience this.

"We can't just let him die, Miguel," you argued as he stood up on his platform above you and Peter. "There is a chance he could live and we're reducing him to nothing because of his goddamn canon?"

"We can't mess with it, you know that." Miguel's patience was running thin. "Every time we can't interfere you come here with the same argument and the answer is always no. It will always be no."

"Why?" You pushed. Sometimes just seeing his face now made you mad. The questions of why this Miguel got to live when your's didn't was something that constantly simmered within you.

"You plucked me from my Earth and brought me here so why can't we do that for him? He'd be healthy and safe here."

"This is supposed to happen to him," he huffed your name as he turned back to the screens. "Not every battle is going to be one that Spider-Man wins and if we mess with it, we threaten that whole dimension."

"Well it sure as hell looks like it's in a bit of trouble, boss," Peter let out a nervous chuckle.

"And so it is."

"But what of Rhino, hm?" He hated the way you rose your eyebrows in question. Every version of you did that. "That's not supposed to be his fate."

"One less villain we have to worry about."

You let out a frustrated groan. "When did you become so heartless? We save people here, Miguel. We don't let them suffer."

"I'm not heartless. I'm being realistic and the fact is that 9591 Peter isn't gonna live and his world will become uninhabitable. That is part of his canon, end of story."

"So my canon said to bring me here?" You asked, hands on your hips. Peter inched backwards from you because he could feel the rumblings of the volcano bubbling.

"Take me from my home and bring me here for what? To have another person go along with every decision you make? Newsflash, Miguel, that's not going to happen."

"Oh, really?" He laughed, sarcastically, and looked down at you from above.

"Yes, really. Maybe this canon bullshit is just that, bullshit. Maybe you made a mistake–"

"I didn't make a mistake," he defended loudly. "I am not letting other worlds get destroyed because of stupid decisions."

"So it's only a stupid decision when it's a reality that we both exist in?"

If Peter hadn't known any better this would have sounded like a fight between a married couple.

"That's not what I said," Miguel brought his hand to the bridge of his nose and squeezed. "We can't go around making those same mistakes. I am not putting any other lives in danger."

"But you did it when it benefitted you."

Miguel mumbled to himself up there. You couldn't hear. Peter took more steps back and Spider-Byte ducked behind her consul. Miguel's brown mop of hair slicked back with the motion of his hand.

"Well you would've liked that world too."

"I liked the one I was from."

God, some days he really disliked you.

At the same time, when Miguel looked down at you, he saw the wife he knew in a different capacity and it sent his mind spiraling. He didn't sleep, he barely took the time to care for himself because all he could think about was the dimensions of happiness that you both had and the one you've both found yourselves in now.

He hated that he loved the body of the woman he knew but couldn't fully trust the version of you that existed now.

"We're not going."

"Miguel,"

He lept from the platform and onto the level you stood on. Still as large as before, his shadow filled your space before he did and for some ungodly reason, the presence of this Miguel made your heart pump furiously as your husband had.

Miguel had that look in his eyes that made them appear red. Fist clenched at his sides and that same lingering sadness emitting from his person.

"Not another word."

He hated the challenge you took from him.

"Why is it ok that you took me from my dimension? To serve some sick purpose of remembering your wife?" You spat at him.

You were just like her... just a little more broken.

"I'm not her, Miguel."

"You think I don't know that?" His voice was nearly caught in his throat. "You think I don't know that you're not her? It's pretty goddamn obvious you're not her."

"Oh yeah?" Your voice was no different.

You hated when you fought with Miguel in your dimension and that didn't change in this one.

Peter thought he should look away.

"Well she's not here, is she?"

Miguel stared at you. He couldn't help the way his eyes moved over your face. He saw the same eyes, nose, and lips. You were his wife just as he was your husband.

"No," he said as a ghostly whisper, "she's not."

"And maybe I'm not like her but you're not like my Miguel either... so don't make this fall on me. I didn't ask to come here."

"You're here now," Miguel's voice was devoid of feeling. "So get used to the rules. We're not going."

And he stalked off with Peter following on his tail.

If you closed your eyes you could see fragments of Miguel. Now, however, this Miguel was beginning to eclipse those memories.

"Shit..." Spider-Byte snickered from behind her monitor. Her blue glow filling your vision as you looked at her. "I wouldn't take that, mama. I'd kick his ass."

Miguel wasn't there. He was off saving a dimension because canon was all that mattered and Jess was monitoring that other universes just as Gwen had said.

It was a relief.

So, you sat back and watched as Jess and Gwen flipped through the different footage from the dimensions that either lit up red for an anomaly or maintained green for a perfect balance.

Jess flipped through them quickly. Every world passing by your face within a second of seeing the light on the panel turn green. The few instances of red sent her pressing on a communication button before Gwen could complain that she wanted to go out and fight.

Gwen lingered on worlds. She looked at the images as though she wished to be a part of them.

She hesitated moving on from a boy in a black suit just a second too long.

"Gwen?" You asked her as her hand hovered over the button. She was intently looking at him as he moved about the fire escape.

"Gwen?" You reached out a hand to shake her shoulder. She bristled out of her spell and pressed the button before you could ask any questions.

It would be several months later that you'd learn that the boy was the source of it all.

Miles Morales had heard a million versions of the same story.

It all began with a name and that named person being bit by a radioactive spider that magically gave them powers and they used them to save the world, or fight street crime, or kill mice (in the case of that Spider-Cat he saw in the lobby).

They were all the friendly, neighborhood hero that the world needed.

Until the collider messed with their functions and required a society such as this to take on a much larger purpose.

And Miles was taken aback.

He had never felt so seen sans the moment he walked through the doors of the complex. Every turn he made, a new Spider-Person was uniquely fit into their world so different than his own.

Within the chamber of villains from other dimensions, he saw a Spider-Woman without a suit.

"So people like, live here?" Miles asked Gwen who shrugged.

"Some do. We can stay for as long as we like and then go back to our dimensions when we need to."

"And suits are optional?"

Hobie turned around and gave Miles as questionable gaze.

"A uniform is binding, man," he told Miles. "Use what makes you comfortable."

Gwen nearly galloped ahead to the Spider-Woman with a digital portfolio. Miles saw the way Gwen's eyes lit up just as they did when they saw each other again.

Hobie was the one to introduce you. Your named rolled off his tongue like butter–so casual and cool in a way Miles did not believe he ever could be.

"She lives here," He explained. "Can't really go back to her dimension so she does a lot of cataloguing. The main man doesn't want her out of missions... you know," Hobie spun his finger near his forehead, "little crazy that one."

"I'm not crazy, Hobie," you called out as Gwen pointed toward your group.

"No, you're right," he corrected himself. "He's the crazy one."

"That's more like it," you smiled and Miles felt a boyish crush form in his stomach. "Hi Miles. I've heard a lot about you."

You did. Gwen had been giddy in the way she reminisced about her time with Miles. Even Peter put in his two-cents about the way he trained him and it went incredibly poorly for the greater part of their journey together.

You missed a good chunk of time by not being present when they all converged on the same dimension. It may have saved you from yourself.

"Hi," he waved back nervously.

The party kept walking with your addition. Beyond the orange cells of villains captured and waiting to be returned home, a center of technology he could dream of appeared in front of him.

It was just a tour.

Lyla appeared beside you.

"Miguel's hangry," she complained as she looked at her non-existent nail-beds.

"He's probably just angry."

"No," she shook her bob, "it's the hangry kind. You should have the kid pick up something for him... a gift."

"Gift," you chuckled. Miles looked so green. He was amazed by the technology of the go-home-machine that you weren't sure how he would react when he reached the hub. Walking through all of the test technology before going to Miguel's station... he'd be on cloud nine.

"He'll be expecting the party soon."

"I'll stay behind."

You were certain Miguel would be able to hear this conversation but Lyla had a mind of her own–she was artificial after all.

"You should come with. Miles could use your perspectives."

"What perspectives?" This was the longest conversation you had ever held with her. "Oh, Miles," you mimicked, "don't beat criminals to a pulp... um, don't let your anger get the best of you... don't kill people.... yeah, good advice."

"I meant a motherly figure here."

"I'm not a mother, Lyla. Besides, he's got Jess for that."

Lyla glitched to the other side of you. "Jess hasn't taken to him like she did you and Gwen."

"He's got Peter."

"But he could use you too."

You gave a tight-lipped hum.

"Or," she countered, "maybe you need someone like him. It's always strange what effect kids have on adults... makes them... soft or something. You should see the videos of Miguel!" She laughed, you didn't.

"He liked to play soccer with her."

Her. In another dimension, you had a daughter.

"Why are you telling me this?" You asked her.

She waved her hand dissuasively. "Miguel's not going to, so I might as well."

The party began to make their exit. Down to the liar they went and as they walked, Lyla floated in the air beside you. Miles kept peaking back like a child on a holiday.

"Miles," you called out to him.

"Yes?" He turned around quickly and at attention. He was a cute kid. So nervous and out of his element. If it weren't for his merry misfit group of friends, Miguel was sure to eat him alive.

"Do you have a question or is there a reason you keep looking at me?"

He rubbed his hand on the back of his neck. Miles then pointed to Lyla.

"Is she a Spider-Person too?"

"No," you told him and Lyla glitched to him. "An A.I. that Miguel created. She knows all."

"She flatters me," Lyla murmured back a smile.

Miles turned back around and continued on with his conversation that bounced between Gwen and Hobie. Lyla disappeared from the hallway as the sounds of old, tinkered experiments and Miles' struggles painted a picture of a much different boy in your mind.

While his struggles were not yours and you'd never understand them completely, his want to belong struck a chord with you in a way it did with Gwen.

There was a family that could be built here if the realities of pain could be ignored.

Above on his floating platform, Miguel slowly descended as Miles gaped in a slight awe. Yes, it was dramatic. Yes, it was unnecessary and it made you roll your eyes.

Hobie stuck to the wall in the back. Gwen took Miles to the edge and you leaned up against a pillar not far from Hobie.

"Miguel O'Hara," Gwen introduced, "meet Miles Morales."

And then Miles butchered his introduction with cheer. He offered up those empanadas which Miguel slipped right into the trash.

And like Gwen, he fumbled his words by rambling about how to catch Spot.

Miguel threw the trash can at them both only for Hobie to sneak the empanada out of the box and into his hand without blinking.

And then everything spiraled out of control.

Miguel's meter began to spike an angry red as the frantic nature of his focus within this world had been protecting the multi-verse. Here, in this room, Miles was the supposed source of it.

If it wasn't for Miles, many of his problems wouldn't exist and he'd be grateful but he can't be, simply because they are truly real.

"Hey Miguel!" Peter's voice broke through the silent seconds. Miles perked up at the sound. "Come on, go easy on the kid. He had a terrible teacher. He had no chance."

"Peter!"

The two hugged like old friends.

"Miles!" Peter put a hand on his shoulder. "Don't be afraid of my friend Miguel. He just looks scary. He's got no bite."

He had seen it once. He chose to ignore it.

So he went on with his little break up of Miguel's serious moment and you watched unfold from the shadows, the orange glow of your tablet keeping you busy while Mayday swung around the room and Miles exasperatedly came to terms with Peter being a father.

"-You always say the 'fate of the multiverse' and my brain dies."

You chuckled to yourself, glancing up at Peter as he circled Miguel. Miguel was holding Mayday like he had never held a child in his life.

That was the kind of thing your Miguel did.

"You guys smell that?" Peter sniffed into the air. He swiftly picked up Mayday and swung right by Miles and Gwen and straight to you.

"You smell that right?" He held her up high. Yes, yes you did smell that.

"That is entirely your problem, Peter."

"Miles–" Miguel caught their attention again. "–You disrupted a canon event."

"Canon event?"

"The kid wasn't thinking," Peter interjected. He held onto Mayday as you strung a web for her to bounce on. Miguel was half torn between the conversation he tried to be stern about and the watching you weave a web for that little girl.

"That's not how he works."

"That's insulting," Miles commented.

Hobie got up from the floor to stand next to you. He caught Mayday in the air, saluting her with two fingers.

"Taking a crap on the establishment... I salute you."

"What are you upset about?" Miles furrowed his brows as Miguel stepped off the platform and walked towards him. The boy would be amiss if he hadn't felt his stomach drop to his feet in the menacing way Miguel O'Hara walked.

"When isn't he upset about something?" You murmured from the back.

"I saved those people."

Ah, yes. Pavitr's dimension. Miguel had been in the go-home-department when it happened.

"And that's the problem," Miguel clarified. "Lyla, do the thing."

As she always did, Lyla appeared with a semi-oblivious nature.

"Huh? What thing?"

"The thing... what do you mean 'what thing?' The information explaining thing!"

She gave a casual 'ok' and the room changed before you.

You had never seen everything before.

Jess had talked about it, Peter mentioned what it looked like, and a few others who had seen it claimed it left them more confused than anything.

It was a bright blue tree, in a sense. Woven with a variation of color that reminded you of the sea at mid-day and the sky at night, everything was a timeline of complete facts of the world. Every moment of every person's lives were tied to this one branch of 'everything.'

Expansive and high, the tree of everything bloomed over your heads and Miles was the one trying to come to terms with the sincerity of it. However, just as he had begun to grasp the idea of everything being resembled by a tree with branches that diverged from its timeline, the room changed to a red web.

Hundreds and hundreds of webs interconnected by lines that captured the very lives in that room. All of them facing convergence by multiple lifelines to different events, canons, and realities that make up a person's existence in the, as he had coined, the Spider-Verse.

"The lines... where the nodes converge?" Miles asked aloud.

"They are the canon."

Every web around him had different nodes. Some had more than others, some had barely any. He noticed a cluster of three big webs with few canon nodes.

"Their chapters apart of every Spider's story, every time. Some good, some bad... some very bad."

Miguel pulled down a cluster to showcase the very bad. You had a sinking feeling somewhere along the line the 'very bad' also included you.

A row of Spider-People emerged in the same position. He saw Peter, he saw Gwen, he recognized you, and then himself leaning over the body of a loved one who perished too soon.

Like a story, Miguel walked through varied canon events that were to occur in many Spider stories. A police captain, a lover, the event that turns someone into a hero, the struggles of the hero.

Miles looked at each of you as a fragment of your past appeared before him.

"That's how the story is supposed to go. Canon events are the connections that bind our lives together and those connections can be broken that why anomalies are so dangerous. Inspector Singh's death was a canon event."

A police captain.

"You weren't supposed to be there."

Even though you weren't there, you saw it unfold from the safety of Lyla's simulation. People running, a bridge nearly collapsing.

"And you weren't supposed to save him. That's why Gwen tried to stop you."

You could see the gears in his brain turning. He was hurt, misguided in his efforts to be a good Spider-Man because it was suddenly becoming a conflict for him. Miles tried to be good. He tried to save people and even doing so, he seemed to mess up.

It was so different from the Spider-Woman you used to be.

"I thought you were trying to save me," Miles admitted to Gwen who had turned her back from him. She kept her eyes to the ground.

"I was. I-I was doing both," she took a chance to gaze back at him only to see the hurt.

She was just doing her job.

"And now, Miles," Miguel sighed and he walked around the space. He planted his feet beside you and Miles took a glance and couldn't tell who was friend or foe.

He didn't know where he stood himself.

"Because you changed the story, Pavitr's dimension is unraveling. If we're lucky, we can stop it. We haven't always been lucky."

Miguel looked at you. He looked at you with a sheen in his eyes that you'd hadn't see from this version of him. For once, he looked as sad as he felt on the inside.

And for once, he wasn't fighting with you about what was right or wrong in that moment.

"That wasn't me!" Miles defended. "That was the Spot."

"It's what happens when you break canon."

"How do you know?"

"Because I broke it once myself."

There was a part of you that wanted out. You wanted out right that second because you had seen enough. You had seen the destruction, had been part of some destruction, and seeing Miguel's world crumble animatedly in front of you wasn't something you wanted. But your feet stuck to the floor. Planted, like mud, waiting to be freed.

It was your story too and you didn't even know what happened.

"I found another world where I had a family. Where I was happy."

In the web, the cluster of three was connected by one single strand to a much larger web with varied canon events. Whatever this was, Miles imagined, was Miguel's universe.

"At least a version of me was. And that version of myself was killed."

This time trying to catch a thief who stole a woman's purse. Not a bank robbery.

"So I replaced him. I thought it was harmless."

You looked away at the scenes. Miguel with her. A little brown haired girl who loved soccer and he did her homework at the kitchen table with her. A father who looked adoringly at a daughter who was joyous and knew no pain.

"But I was wrong."

Then the world began to collapse. In his arms, the girl disappeared as though she had never existed.

"Isn't that right, Peter?"

Your head shot up towards Peter who looked away from you. He had seen you before, in a different reality where you too were happy with the life you lived and where you were happy with a daughter who loved Miguel too.

"Peter?" You gave a weak call to him. He shut his eyes tightly. "Peter, you knew?"

Miles felt the way you felt. A shell of a hero without a purpose with people who made very choice feel like a mistake.

You walked up to Peter. Miles saw the white-knuckle grip you had on the pink robe. This was more than just friends making choices feel like a mistake.

"You knew me?"

Miles glanced back at the web. The three small webs that had little to them stuck out like a bouquet of flowers. Each their own small story.

“Whose is that?” Miles gestured as he tried to ignore the way you prodded at Peter for answers. Perhaps Miles already knew that Miguel had made this more complicated than it needed to be.

He had already destroyed one reality for happiness. Miles imagined that this man could ruin many more if it meant one more second of living.

“These ones?” Miguel pointed to the web of three.

You knew it was yours without even realizing it.

“That’s mine," you breathed in deep.

Even though you hadn't gotten along in this world, Miguel felt the weight of his secrecy fall heavily onto his shoulders.

“You see, Miles,” Miguel started, “there are infinite dimensions were we exist. All these webs here,” he pointed to the connecting lines that reappeared of many lives, “are realities were someone like you may exist. Maybe not as Spider-Man but as something.”

Miguel looked to you and for the first time since he met you in your reality, he saw the woman he fell in love with.

“And her dimensions look a bit different.”

“Why?” Miles questioned. “Why don’t ours look like that?”

“Because you can exist in infinite realities, Miles,” you told him in a voice that reminded him of his mother telling him a relative died. “And I can’t.”

“There is only three of her that exist in our… Spider-Verse, as you put it,” Miguel stated. “And one of them collapsed.”

In a hologram, he saw you in the world they had all just witnessed disappear from reality. Miles saw you running and running and he could see the destination, Miguel and that child, so close yet too far away.

And then there was nothing.

“Oh,” Miles felt sadness creep within him. Gwen wanted to comfort both you and Miles but couldn’t muster it in front of Miguel.

Peter wasn't sure what to do.

One strand of three disappeared.

“And in the other, she’s not here anymore.”

"What dimension is that?"

Miguel sighed. Hands on his hips, he met Miles' intense stare instead of yours.

"This one."

“So there is only me now,” you have a half-hearted smile.

“I thought you said you were the only Spider-Man in this dimension?” Miles asked Miguel as he tried to make sense of this world he found himself in.

“I am,” Miguel clarified. “She’s not from this dimension. Her… alternate self isn’t here anymore.”

He recalled the images of all the Peter’s and Gwen’s and Jessica’s mourning their canon disasters. Loved ones, friends, lovers.

The second strand of three disappeared.

“Does that mean if you…?”

You nodded your head at Miles. Peter put his hand on your shoulder at the admission.

Miguel focused on that hand. He saw the comfort, he saw the friendly love and knew he had wasted time. He had wasted months being angry at you when you weren’t the cause of it.

He had watched over your dimension to keep you safe while you struggled and in his own pain, he made the unity between you strained and unrealistic.

But he also knew the greater purpose.

“I guess I just have to pick the right side.”

You tried to bring levity.

You didn’t realize that you’d be picking Miles and your friends or Miguel and the person you knew because if you didn't you'd lose everything.

And you needed to save yourself in one dimension you still existed in.

Earth 42.

A/N: this isn’t proofed yet. I can totally see a million different sequels to dive deeper into the relationship between reader and Miguel.

As always, comments and reblogs are the best feedback a writer can ask for. I love reading any comments you all leave 🥺. Thank you so much for reading.

Tags:

@csmt-m @er4tous @gracielou0518

#miguel o’hara x reader #miguel o'hara #miguel o’hara x you #miguel o’hara imagine #fanficition #x reader #x fem reader #fanfic #x female reader #x female y/n #across the spiderverse #oscar isaac

628 notes · View notes

ariisheresstuff · 11 months

Note

Hiii i have a Javier Pena request if thats ok?🤍

I was wondering if you could do something where like Javi is a bit dismissive of the reader, but also not mean just ignores them or talks over them and they think he doesnt like them..

then shes on a mission and she gets injured and hes panicking back at the office. Shouting at steve to know where you are etc. then you come into the office like bruised and bloody and he rushes to you, protective. And he takes you to his and cleans you up, eventually leading to fluffy romantic smut and ending with cuddles and admitting his feelings for you

Scared Feelings

Pairings: Javier Peña x fem!reader

Genre: Angsty + Smut

Warnings: Blood, mentions of dying, cuts, wounds etc. MINORS DNI sex, cursing, naked, cum, you know the drill

MasterList

A/N: Ty for this lovely request! Enjoy! <3

You have been working with agent Peña and agent Murphy for some time. Ever since you three have been on with this Escobar case. This was probably the most serious and risk taking cases you have been on since you started working as a DEA agent. Murphy was a sweetheart around you, being a gentlemen and making sure you’re doing what you’re supposed to be doing. Javi on the other hand, let’s just say you guys don’t talk that much. You wouldn’t consider yourself friends. Sure you two greet each other but it’s very awkward and the tension is very sharp for no reason. Steve tried asking you what’s been the issue between you and Javi but you can’t seem to know why he doesn’t like you. You brush it off mostly, not wanting it to effect you so much.

It’s been months since you guys haven’t caught Escobar and everyone was getting frustrated.

“If we don’t find this son of a bitch, we all are going into a shithole.” Steve gritted out through his teeth.

“We tried everything, nothing. His guys are talking, what else is there to do. He’s too smart for us.” You said as you took a drag from your cigarette,

“Then we outta risk it.” Javi said making you and Steve turn to look at him,

“Then what? Have us die and make shit more complicated here?”

Javi scoffed at Steve’s remark, “This is our job Steve, we’re meant to risk our lives.” You said making Steve sigh, he ran a hand through his mess blonde locks as he shook his head. “Fuck it.”

You were assigned a mission downtown where apparently one of Escobar’s closet henchmen was meeting up with someone relative to Escobar. Unfortunately, Steve and Javi were ordered to stay back at the office and signal out radio stations to get any phone call information from Escobar. You assigned with other DEA agents, you just wished you were with Steve and Javi even though Steve was most likely better to be around in these types of situations. “Currently downtown, no signs of any suspicion yet.” You said over the Walkie-Talkie to Steve

“Copy that.”

“You think she can handle this?” Javi asked as he took a drag from his cigarette

“Of course she can, you think she can’t?”

Javi shrugged “Just saying, she’s never done it without us before.”

Steve smirked as he looked at his partner

“What?”

“You like her, don’t ya?

Javi choked on the smoke from his cigarette “The fuck? What’s your problem?”

Steve just wheezed as Javi was turning red “Aw, come on man, I know you do. Is that why you’re always quiet around her?”

Javi sighed as he leaned back in his chair giving Steve the finger “Shut the fuck up man.” Steve just shrugged as he continued to snicker making Javi grumble.

“He’s on the move.” You said into the Walkie-Talkie as you got out of the vehicle and crouched as you slowly made your way over to the guy, Steve jumped at your voice “Copy that kid, stay hidden.”

“On it.” You signaled the other agents to go in different directions and to follow your lead no matter what. You noticed the guy giving the dude some clear bag with something in it. You couldn’t tell what. “Target in sight.”

“See? Piece of cake for her.” Javi rolled his eyes as him and Steve continued on getting any radio signal but also keeping the lookout for you. You were about to stand up but to only feel someone yank you to the ground. You yelped in surprise as you tried to fight back. Apparently you were tricked. The guy had more of Escobar’s henchmen surrounding the area you were at watching. “I’m down! It’s a trap!” You managed to say in the Walkie-Talkie while confusing to get the guy off of you. Javi’s eyes widened at that as Steve stood up grabbing the Walkie-Talkie. “Y/N! Hey! Kid! What’s going on!” You didn’t have time to answer as you were struggling with some guy on top of you with a gun.

“Perra estúpida, ¿crees que nos engañaste?” Stupid bitch, you think you outsmarted us? The guy said while punching you in the stomach making you yelp in pain, you tried to grab his fist but he was much more stronger than you. You quickly grabbed the Walkie-Talkie trying to respond back to Steve

“Send backup! Send backup!” You yelled as the man grabbed the Walkie-Talkie as started hitting you in the head with it before breaking it.

“Y/N! Hey! Y/N answer me! Shit!” Steve quickly got up to and ran to his and Javi’s office to grab his gun

“The fuck is happening?” Javi asked while also grabbing his gun

“She’s in trouble, it was a trap.”

“Fuck.” Javi said quietly, him and Steve exited the office was about to exit the building when Messina blocked their way

“And where do you think you two are going?”

“Y/N is in trouble boss, she needs backup.”

“I will take care of that, you two aren’t going anywhere.”

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Messina gave Javi a look

“Yes I am Agent Peña. We need you two signaling in the radio room right now.”

“But Y/N is in serious trouble right now Messina.” Steve said as he was getting frustrated knowing you were in danger.

“I understand that agent Murphy, but we are sending backup right now. I ordered you both a job, correct?”

Javi shook his head as he sighed “Yes Ma’am.” Messina nodded her hand

“Fantastic.” She dismissed them both as they walked back to the radio room.

“Fucking bullshit, she’s in trouble right now and she isn’t doing shit to help her. Fuck!” Javi slammed his gun down on the table harshly as he bounced his leg,

“Javi, calm down. Y/N is a strong one.”

“Anything could happen to her Steve.”

Steve gave Javi this look, “Who Are you and what you have with Javier Peña?”

“Fuck, I don’t have time for this Steve.”

Steve bit down a smile “Knew you liked her man.” He whispered knowing Javi couldn’t hear him.

“Ah!” You yelped as the guy that was broke your Walkie-Talkie slammed you into a wall. Where is Steve? Where is Javi? You kept thinking they weren’t coming. Tears were clouding your vision, you never been in this type of situation before for any mission you were assigned.

“Suéltame pedazo de mierda!” Let go of me you piece of shit! Your nose was bleeding as well as the side of your head from being pushed down in the cement of the sidewalk, you had bruises everywhere. The tears started to fall as you prayed for someone to save you. You jumped at every gunshot that rang around your surroundings, event DEA agent that was working with you was either dead or saving themselves. The guy grabbed you by the throat as he began to block your airway. You gasped for air as you grabbed onto the hand that was around your throat, punching at him to the best of your ability.

“Hora de morir perra DEA.” Time to die DEA bitch his other hand reached down to his gun as he aimed it towards your temple.Your heart was racing as you thought about the last seconds of living, you closed your eyes as the tears began to fall harder “Please…” you gasped out as you felt the coolness of the gun stick harder into your head when all of a sudden a long bang rang through your ears. You body jolted as you felt to ground. Blood splattered all over you as you froze. The guy was laying dead with a gunshot to his head. Your breathing was uneven as you couldn’t process what just happened. You heard the sirens and saw flashing lights appear to view. More DEA agents were sent as they were helping you and the others settle everything. One of them helped you into another car to drive you back to the station. You were shaking the whole and couldn’t even speak with how traumatized you were from the scene.

Javi was pacing around the office while Steve watched him. Javi went through at least two packs of cigarettes in the last few hours. That’s how scared he was for you. He couldn’t even believe he was showing how much he cares about you.

“Dude she’s fine. I’m sure she’s ok-

“How the fuck do you know that Murphy?” Javi snapped at him as his hands started to shake, “it’s been three fucking hours since we heard anything. You call that okay?”

“Javi, the more you think this, the worse it becomes for you.” “I need to know if she’s safe or not or so help me—

he was interrupted by the door opening, he jolted up to see Messina. “We got her.”

Javi and Steve sprinted to the entrance of the office to see you wrapped in a blanket all hurt and scared. You looked up at the two men with tears falling down your face and your bottom lip trembling. “Gosh kid.” Steve muttered as he was the first to pull you into a tight hug and he rubbed your back and shushed your whimpers to calm you down.

“I-I’m sorry, I-I didn’t know—

“Stop. It’s not your fault. None of this is Y/N.” He gave your shoulders a squeeze as gave you a small smile as you sniffled. You then turned to Javi who had a worried look on his face. Your smile faded as you looked into his brown eyes. He walked up to you slowly before he wrapped his arms around you as he hugged you as well. You body tightened as you froze. Javi never hugged you before.

“I’m glad you’re okay cariño.” He whispered into your ear making sure Steve and the others didn’t hear him. Your body relaxed in his touch as you hid your smile in his chest as you hugged him back. You both pulled away after a few seconds as you gave Javi and Steve a smile making them smile back at you. You all turned towards the entrance as you watched all the men that attacked in handcuffs be sent away into rooms. You felt the heavy weight on your shoulders release knowing that you were safe. Steve was first one to break the silence.

“Well, it’s time for me to head home. Got a wife and kid to deal with.” He said with a snicker making you smile.

“Tell Connie I said hi.”

Steve nodded as he brought you into one last hug for tonight

“If you need anything, you call me. Anything.”

You nodded at Steve as kissed his cheek as a way of saying thank you. Steve smiled as he squeezed your shoulder as a way of saying bye before waving off Javi and telling him about seeing him tomorrow. Now it was just you and Javi. You swayed around as you looked at your fingers. Too shy to start conversation.

“So you heading home or…”

you jumped lightly at his suddenly voice before looking up at him.

“Oh, um I walked here this morning. I’m fine with walking my apartment isn’t far—

“Like hell you’re walking home after what just happened. Come I’ll take you.” You didn’t have a chance to respond as you shrugged before grabbing your things from your desk before walking up to Javi.

“This isn’t my apartment Jav.” You looked out the window to see his and Steve’s apartment, he turn off the car before stepping out and helping you.

“I know, just figured you needed a drink after tonight. Besides I have stuff to help your wounds and shit.”

You couldn’t help but feel your cheeks tingle at that face that he wants to help you. You didn’t say anything before walking up to him as he lead the way to his apartment. You both made it to his floor as he got out his door keys before opening up the door. He stepped to the side as he gave you a small smile “Ladies first.” You giggled as you stepped into his dark apartment

“Why thank you kind sir.” You teased back making Javi chuckle a bit. You looked around his apartment. “Nice apartment.”

“It’s nothing.” You sat down on his couch as he went to the kitchen to get you a drink. You winced as you felt your bruises becoming worse. You sort of forgot about them. Javi came back with a glass of whiskey. You thanked him as he set his own drink down before going down the hall. You drank the strong liquor in silence as you enjoyed the strong bitter taste. You licked your lips as you set the cup back down as Javi came back with a first aid kit. “Javi, I’m fine really. You don’t need to do all of this.” He shook his head

“I know, I just feel like it’s best to see you in good hands rather than suffering.” He sat next to you as he grabbed out a few cotton ball and peroxide. You sighed before nodding

“Thank you.”

“No need to thank me cariño.”

Cariño

Something about that name made butterflies appear in your stomach and your cheeks became all red.

You winced as the peroxide was stinging your open wound that was on your cheek. “Sorry.” Javi said as he quickly cleaned up the cut

“It’s okay.”

He set a bandaid on your cheek before giving you a soft smile “You’re all patched up.” You smiled, happy that it was over.

“Wow Javi. Maybe you should be in the medical field instead.” You teased as he shook his head while chuckling. You watched him as he put away the first aid and came back with more whiskey. You watched him fill up both of your cups with golden brown liquid as he took out his cigarette packs. He lit one up as he laid back. You both sat in silence for a while before you spoke up. “Javi?” He hummed in response, you sighed as you felt your heart appear in your throat. “How come you never spoken to me?” Javi felt his heart skip a beat as he looked at you, it caught him off guard. So you did notice it. He thought to himself. He set down his cigarette on the ash tray as he rubbed his hands together.

“Listen. It was nothing about me being against you. No hate towards you or anything like that. It’s just… ever since you came around, I’ve felt nervous being around you.” You gave him a frown making him panic “Not in a bad way, it’s just— fuck— you make me feel these types of things I never experienced before.” Your eyes went wide as you felt your heart tighten,

“W-what do you mean.” Javi sighed as he felt himself getting hot and sweaty. It’s now or never.

“I have these feelings around you. Like deep feelings.” You mouth went dry as you understood what Javi was saying, you swallowed.

“You like me?” Javi looked down as he rubbed the back of his neck in embarrassment.

“Yes.” He said quietly but for you to still hear, you froze. “I’m sorry if you felt like I didn’t like you or seemed disrespectful around you. I was just nervous about messing up around you and you thinking I was some dick or something.” You but your lip as you tried to hide the smile appearing on your lips watching him ramble on. “Steve was teasing me about liking you and shit. I’m just a dick for telling you earlier I’m sorr— you cut Javi off as you grabbed the side of his face as smashed your lips on his. It caught Javi off guard as he made a surprised noise and tensing up. He then was brought back down to earth before he relaxed as he wrapped his arms around you to pull you closer. You sighed as your hands traveled to his hair as he cupped your face bringing your face closer and deeper. Javi groaned as you moaned lightly. You both pulled for air but not enough to where your lips were still touching. You both were panting as you both looked into each other’s eyes.

“Was that enough to answer?” You said as Javi chuckled. You leaned your forehead on his as he started to slowly kiss down your neck.

“Hmmm, I don’t know cariño. I think I still don’t understand. Maybe you should show me.” He growled as he started to nip at your neck making you jolt and whine slowly. You crawled into his lap as you started to grind your hips on his already hard cock. Javi groaned as he yanked off his shirt and pants and helping you out of yours. His mouth watered as he stared at your bra. He looked up at you with permission making you nod as you continued to grind on him and moaning.

Javi’s hands were shaking in excitement as he took off your bra with one hand. You looked at him with wide eyes as he smirked at your expression. “Javier you naught menace. How in the hell do you know how to do that?” You nipples hardened at the cool air,

“I may have some experience.” You shook your head as he chuckled lowly. He continued to kiss down your neck before trying to find your sweet spot. You moaned as you rain your fingers through his hair. Hickeys and bite marks scattered all over your neck. Your body jolted as you yelped. “Mmm found it.” You cum right then and there as Javi helped you roll your hips on his hard bulge.

“Javi.”

“What’s wrong baby?”

“N-need you.” Javi chuckled

“Oh you need me?” You nodded as you watched him move down to your tits. You moaned a bit louder as he started to squeeze each tit like a stressing hall. “Words baby.” You whined

“Yes, I-I need you Javi.” He smirked as he continued to play with your boobs. He leaned down as he brought a nipple in his mouth “Oh fuck, Javi.” You moaned as he swirled his tongue over the hardening bud.

“Beautiful. The most beautiful tits ever baby. Gosh, you’re so fucking hot.” You felt yourself getting more wet at his praising.

“Oh fuck! Javi!” You yelped as Javi switched positions with you. You were now laying on the couch as Javi hovered over you. He leaned down as he smashed his lips on yours. You both moaned as you both were grinding your hips together.

“Bet that pussy of yours is all wet for me.” You furrowed your eyes-brows as you nodded at him making him smirk. “Bet you want me to fucking eat you out till your screaming my name Hm?” You quickly nodded at him

“Please Javi, I-I want you to eat my pussy. Please baby I’ll do anything.”

“Good girl begging like the good princess you are.” He leaned down to kiss you as he shoved his tongue in your mouth. You moaned as you wrapped your tongue around his. Spit coming out on the sides of your mouth as your teeth were clanking with his form how rough your make out was. Javi released the kiss as he started to kiss down your body. You shivered from his kisses as he praised you with words

“So beautiful, so sexy, you’re all mine cariño. All.Fucking.Mine.” He growled as he got lower, he kissed around your belly making you whimper as he got to your thighs. Your thugs started to shake making Javi hold them as he kissed your inner thighs so slowly making you squirm.

“Javi please, d-don’t tease me.”

“But where’s the fun in that baby?” He continued to tease you for a while before he started to go to where you needed him most. Your body started to shake from excitement. Javi licked his lips as he admired your lacy panties. He dragged a finger over your lips making you jolt, he then slowly started to rub your clot through your underwear.

“Oh! Fuck!” Javi licked his lips

“Gosh you’re so fucking sexy squirmy for me like a pathetic slut aren’t you mi amor?” You felt butterflies coming in your stomach at the nickname. He then leaned down to press the softest kiss to your clit making you cry out. He dove his nose into your slit as he inhaled your scent. He groaned. “Gosh you smell so good and sweet baby. You want me to taste you?” You nodded quickly making him chuckle. “Don’t worry baby, I will be tasting you.” In a split second he ripped off your underwear. You didn’t even care at this point. He didn’t give you a warning before he dove into your pussy. You moaned so loud it echoed around the living room. Your fingers dove into his messy locks as you grinder on his face.

“Oh shit! Oh my god. Javi you’re so good. Oh my god- baby!” Javi hummed into your pussy as he entered in two fingers into your slit. He then started to kiss your clit multiple times before he sucked on it. Hard. You felt yourself get dizzy as you felt your orgasm coming.

“Shit baby, the most wettest, most beautiful pussy. You gonna come cariño?”

“Yes! Fuck yes!” He felt You tightened around his fingers. He started to finger you more faster as he continued to suck on your clit.

“Let go for me baby. Cum all over my face.”

Your legs shook as your fingers yanked into his locks. Your eyes rolled back into your head as you saw white.The coil in your tummy snapped as you felt your orgasm wash over you. Javi helped you ride out your high as he continued to kitten lick your clit and slit. You jolted as he continued to lick your clit. You whimpered as you pulled him from the back of his neck back to your face, you smashed your lips on him making him groan. You whined as you tasted yourself on him, you plunged your tongue into his mouth making him growl as he cupped your face. You both pulled away with a string of spit connecting your lips. Your hands were reaching down to take his cock out of his boxers, he then stopped you as he grabbed your wrist gently before shaking his head as he smiled at you. “Not tonight baby, I need to be inside you.” You whined as you smirked at him before pecking his lips twice. You laid back down only making him shake his again. You gave him a frown. “I want you to ride me baby.” You felt butterflies again at his low tone making you smile before nodding at him. You quickly got on his lap as you wrapped your arms around his neck. You admired how toned and sort of buff he was. You smiled as you started to touch his shoulders and biceps making him chuckle. “You like what you see cariño?” You giggled as you kissed his neck

“Never realized how strong you were Javi.” Javi smirked at you as he aligned his cock to your entrance. His hands were on your hips as you stared into his eyes. Him staring back at you.

“You ready?” He asked quietly as you nodded, he nodded with you as he slowly started to sink into you. Your body jolted at the feeling before you let out a surprised moan. Javi groaned as his grip tightened on your hips. “Oh fuck, you’re so tight mi amor.”

“O-oh, fuck— Javi, you’re so big.” He chuckled as he helped you move your hips slowly.

“Feels good baby?” You nodded as you started to bounce on his cock, “Need words cariño.” You whined

“Y-yes Javi, feels so good. Fuck! Don’t stop.”

“I’ll never stop. Never.” He growled as he kissed and sucked on your neck. Your bouncing got faster as Javi moved your hips. Your fingers tugging onto his hair. You felt hot and sweaty. You’re moaning got louder as so did Javi’s.

“Fuck! I’m gonna cum. I’m gonna fucking cum. Can I cum inside you mi amor?” Javi groaned out. You looked down at him as you started to feel tears form in your eyes from the overstimulation. You nodded your head rapidly.

“Please!please! Please cum inside me Javi! I wanna feel your cum.” Javi smashed his lips on yours hard as he helped you grind harder and faster on his dick. Your moaning picked up as the tears fell down your red cheeks. Javi slapped your ass making you jump.

“Cum with me baby. Fucking cum.” You cried out as your body started to shake. Your mouth was open with no sound coming out. You both paused your movements before you both moaned and groaned together. Your bodies started to shake uncontrollably. Javi groaned loud and deep in your neck as you wrapped your arms around his neck to bring him closer.

“Oh shit, mmmm fuck.” You moaned out, Javi panted in your neck as his hands rubbed your back.

“Shit.” Javi muttered out. Your legs felt like jello as you stayed wrapped in his arms with his cock still in you. You kissed Javi’s temple as you ran your fingers through his hair to calm him down. You’re bodies all sticky and hot. Javi then pulled out of you making you whine at the loss of contact and making Javi whimper at the coolness hitting him. He jolted as he calmed his breathing down. He reached over to grab his pack of cigarettes before lighting one up. He laid down with you on his chest. You sighed as you stared up at him, admiring his bare chest and him smoking. You both laid there in silence. You rested your head on his chest as you relaxed at the sound of his heartbeat.

“Javi?”

“What’s wrong cariño?” His voice rumbled through his chest making it vibrate. You looked up at him to see him staring back at you. It only made you smile.

“Nothing. Just… does this mean something?” Javi exhaled a fog of smoke as he gave you a smile

“What do you think mi amor?”

“I’m assuming maybe?” You teased making him roll his eyes at you before chuckling. You chuckled back as you sat up to be closer to him. You took the cigarette from his hand as you inhaled, you stared into his eyes as you exhaled. Javi hummed as he cupped your face. You finished the cigarette before placing it on the ashtray.

“You are something, you know that?” You shrugged at him as you played with his hair,

“I’ve been told.” Javi smiled at you before pulling your face closer to his as you both shared a loving, long kiss. You sighed as you wrapped your arms around his neck, him wrapping his around your back. You both continued the kiss as you snuggled into his warm embrace. Slowly falling asleep in each other’s touch.

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