#I’ve rewritten it soooo many times

[chokepoet]

Cruelty & Empathy 18+

gif by @romulussy

Summary | A night alone in the office has Roman and his assistant escalating their tension past a point of no return. The aftermath of which leads to confessions that will change the trajectory of their relationship forever.

Genre | Angst, Fluff, Porn With Plot

Content | anxiety, biting, blood, bondage, choking, crying, dom/sub tones, degradation, dirty talk, mentions of past physical abuse, power struggles, thigh riding, sadomasochism, slapping, spitting

Word Count | 8.5k

A/N: Y’all this fic is fuckin’ filthyyyy… but like in a romantic way??? I wasn’t going to share it but my best friend insisted. If y’all hate this I volunteer as tribute for boar on the floor lmao

Roman Roy’s Office | 10:33 pm

He was sprawled out across the couch as if this were his family’s private estate. It might as well have been. The building’s climate control always seemed to be blowing a peculiar air. One that felt like his father breathing down the back of his neck at all times. Left calf draped over the backrest, right hand cradling a whiskey, and head tilted back over the armrest. His once-slick hair now hung limp, with loose strands reaching for the carpet below. His upside-down gaze willed me to stop my attempts at meeting our deadline and to focus solely on him instead.

My bank account's dwindling had my morals emaciated. They’d weakly played tug of war with my last braincell when I'd accepted Roman’s job offer nearly two years prior. About 6 months into being his assistant, I found myself earning another role: his best friend. His only friend. My typing picks up speed as I contemplate what level of fucked-up I had to be in order to actually enjoy this job. I decide it must have been top-tier when my thoughts drift to the one Roy that had me feeling this way.

In the past 22 months, I came to understand Roman better than anyone else ever had. He somehow wormed his way into gaining just as much insight into me as well. It made me feel strangely protective over him. Oddly enough, he seemed to reciprocate. We still rarely aloud ourselves vulnerability in the presence of the other. We much preferred self-immolation. I don’t think he ever intended to grow so attached to me. He certainly would never admit to it. If you had asked me if the feeling was mutual, I’d lie through my teeth.

I loved him madly.

I don’t exactly know when or how it happened. I do, however, vividly remember when I first realized he held something soft for me.

Siena, Italy | 4:21 am

He was drunk off his ass, his head resting on my shoulder. He had been leaning into my frame for support long before he even needed it. Roman mumbled something about liking me because I was the only “sad sack of shit” in the office who could make him laugh. I asked him why I was a sad sack and not just a regular sack. He blew out a huff of air, causing his lips to trill. The sound was quickly preceded by the flipping of his wrists in a few circles.

“Isn't it obvious?” I nudged my shoulder against his head.

“Because I work for your sorry ass?”

He clumsily tapped the tip of my nose with his right pointer finger, nearly blinded my left eye in the process.

“Bingo, bongo, banjo.” The nonsensical words tumbled out and the rest of his drink tumbled in. “Itstheeyes.” I’d been unable to make out the slurred syllables mumbled just under his breath. For all I knew, they could’ve been Latin for ‘bastard’.

“What?” He dropped his now-empty glass into a historic fountain as we passed. I stopped to try and fish it out, but he dragged me away. I remember wondering if he had made a wish on it in his drunken haze. Rich and careless enough to pretend it was a penny. Maybe that had been why he was so adamant about me not retrieving it. My mind wandered as I pondered what Roman could have possibly wished for. His father's approval? An endless supply of luxurious Korean face creams? A pair of stunning Italian supermodels to lean into instead of me?

Tripping over his own two feet, I instinctively gripped his bicep. Stubborn as ever, he shoved me and muttered something along the lines of 'fuck off'. God forbid he’d take my help. Throwing my hands up, I left him to walk alone a few steps ahead of me. He weaved for a while before slowing his pace until he could lay his head back on my shoulder.

A beat passed, where the only sound was the soft crunch of our shoes against the weathered cobblestone. I caught one of his bleary eyes peeking over at my face. Content with whatever it was he found, he nodded to himself.

“Yep.” He popped his lips on the 'p' and absentmindedly kicked a pebble from our path. “It's the eyes. Sad sack of shit eyes. You've got 'em.” The laugh that had left me seemed much too loud as it ricocheted off every crumbling brick ahead of us. Roman smiled proudly for a moment. “I love your laugh.” The words were said mostly to himself. My cheeks warmed considerably.

“Really? It's obnoxious as all hell.” His brows furrowed, and he shook his head.

“No, it's fuckin’—fuck off. No, it's not.” He kicked another stone. “It's pretty. Pretty like… like your face.” Pretty. “Nothin’ like a hyena.” Hyena? “I think I'm gonna puke.”

He did.

Roman’s Office | 10:47 pm

“Hi.” A small voice lounging across from me pulls my attention. I look up from the computer and rest my head in my hand, my elbow propped on his desk.

“Hi.” I smile softly with a raised brow.“Need somethin’?” The grin that breaks across his features is almost childlike. His big brown eyes could even be mistaken for innocent; I knew better.

“As a matter of fact…” Extremely happy to have garnered my attention, he pulls himself to a sitting position. “Yes!” With a swift motion, he slams his whiskey onto the coffee table. The sharp sound of glass on glass reverberates throughout the room.

“Yes?”

“Yes?” His voice drops into a cartoonish impersonation of my own. His hand was still clasped around his drink for some reason. Flipping his face up to me with a saccharine simper, he adds, “Will you kindly suck my cock?”

“Will you kindly go fuck yourself?” My impression of him was just as cartoonish as his of me. The hand holding my head returns to typing. Groaning loudly, he lets go of his glass to dramatically fall back into the couch.

“Will you? ‘Cause I’m fuckin’ bored!” He drags out his words until they turn to whine. “This is fucking boring. Aren’t you bored?”

“Yes, you’re extremely boring.”

“Hurr-hurr.” He mocks while crinkling his nose. “I’ll have you know I’m anything but and am widely known as delightful company.” A snort escapes my nose and Roman smiles.

“Really? I thought you were widely known as a terrible person.” He rolls his eyes as I quote his cousin.

“Yeah, yeah fuck you.” He gives me the finger. I flip him off in return. “The fuck does Nosferatu fuckin’ know anyways?” The nickname makes me chuckle and has Roman mimicking Greg. “Oh, I—I couldn’t help but—couldn’t help but notice that my gargantuan height may be alarm—alarming the schoolchildren. I—is that why Iverson is um c—crying? Or is he like, I—I mean, is he… y—ya know… special?”

The laughter still bubbled up uncontrollably even as I tried maintaining focus on the task at hand. My passive interest towards Roman was annoying him to no end.

“Come on! I want entertainment! Entertain me, woman!” I roll my eyes. A cinnamon tinted stare was steady burning apertures into my features, willing me to stop ignoring him. “Come—Come on…” His hands outstretch in my direction, middle and index finger beckoning quickly. “Come show big daddy watcha got.” As soon as the words leave his mouth, my typing stops and I fully turn my attention towards him. His face contorts in a grimace already knowing what was to come. My brows raise as I slowly repeat his words back to him.

“Come show big daddy what I got?” Roman’s hands drag down his face and he groans loudly as soon as big leaves my mouth.

“Oh, fuck y—shut the fuck up.” He sinks lower into the couch with high hopes of it swallowing him whole. The smile that breaks across my features is downright malevolent. I couldn’t recall having ever seen him this embarrassed. Surprising, considering all the lewd shit he spews at me daily. There was something sick inside me that enjoyed it. The urge to play cat rather than mouse overtakes me.

“No, no, no. I just want to understand you clearly, Mr. Roy.” Our dynamic had never been much of a professional one. I couldn’t recall the last time I had addressed him so formally but I wanted to really get under his skin. Oddly enjoying my place in its prickled embrace. Rising from my chair, I place both palms on the desk and lean forward with a pout. “Are you saying you wanna shut me up with your cock, big daddy?”

“I’m going to fucking kill myself.” He was pinching the bridge of his nose.

“Aw! Weawwy, Daddy? Jus' 'cause I won't suwck yo big thick cock?” At that, a cushion flies towards my head. I narrowly catch it as I’m doubling over in laughter. He’s standing now, hands overtly animated.

“I swear to GOD, I’m going to fucking—fuck! Fuck you! Out the window!” He’s angrily pointing towards the giant window panes beside him. “I’m going to throw you out the fucking window!”

“Oh wow, you’re gonna fuck me out the window?” His face was the deepest shade of crimson I had ever seen it.

“If you don’t shut the fuck up, I swear to Christ I’ll—“

“You’ll what?” I was doing a piss-poor job at stifling my laughter.

“I just fucking told you. Ass through glass.” He dismissively waves a hand in the air.

“Bullshit.” Finally looking at me, I cross my arms. His eyes flicker to my chest. “You don’t have the balls.”

“Are you saying I don’t have the balls to murder you?” The words come out in a bemused laugh. “I could murder the fuckin’—murder the shit out of you. Easily.”

“Okay.” With a shrug of my shoulders, I feel a dark coil in the back of my mind start to twist. “Prove it.”

“Prove it? You want me to—to what? Throw you through the goddamn window right now?”

I smirk back at him with a shrug, an inkling I had about him spilling to the forefront of my mind. It colors my vision and stains my tongue. If there was ever a time to find out if my suspicions held true, for some reason, I decided that now was the time. The office was definitely empty at this hour, and the privacy blinds were drawn, so no cameras. Risky as all hell, but if things go south, maybe I could play it off as riffing. I could be quite the convincing liar when I needed to be. My mother saw to that.

“See? I knew it.” With hands on my hips, I tilt my head to size him up. My tone shifts into something silky as sin. “You won’t do shit.” The air begins filling with static causing Roman’s lips to twitch. “You and I both know it. Don’t we…” I slide out from behind the desk, feeling taller as I grow closer. Feeling bolder seeing him swallow. “Romulus?” Using his father’s nickname for him causes his nostrils to flare. A clench in the jaw, a quick exhale. I fucking knew it. “So why don’t you just…” Fully standing in front of him now, I look down with a smirk “sit the fuck down and shut the fuck up for once in your life.”

The air was now overcome with static. Thick and heavy. The subjugated desire etched into his features felt so familiar to me. While I had never seen him this way, or anyone else for that matter, I myself had given that look many a time. That inkling I had was no longer an inkling. It had grown roots that smiled with wicked teeth; I was right.

The electric silence between us started to prick at my skin. My bottom lip twitches as it fought against every instinct to fill the silence with some form of an apology. To try and turn my sudden shift from dominance back into normalcy. His eyes dart to my mouth immediately; he knows.

“Make me.” His head slowly tilts upwards, as do the corners of his lips. The heat that had been slowly brewing between us for well over a year licks up my thighs. He was sneering up at me as we stood toe to toe. His burnt espresso eyes had my mind spiraling in their steam. The look on his face said everything. He saw me, he had me, he called my bluff, he won.

No.

My hand wound itself in the silky hair at the nape of his neck and I use it to jerk his head back. His jaw immediately goes slack. Something akin to a whimper escapes his throat. Surprise has my brows raising and Roman feeling embarrassed. His heavy lids fall and he turns himself away. Reaching up with my free hand, I grip his jaw until he’s facing me once again.

“Look at me.” He does in an instant and I’m flooded by a mixture of emotions. Relief, power, love. I never want to forget how he looks beneath my hands. The way his pupils eclipse the hazel of his eyes. The way his freckles scatter under the pinkish hue of a blush. The way his lips part slightly as his breath shakes out across them. Just as my eyes dance across his every feature, his do mine. Is he etching my features into his own memory?

He attempts to lean forward but I hold him steady. Roman wanted to kiss me but I wanted to tease. I press my lips beside his mouth before trailing them along the smooth path of skin leading to his ear. Sucking his skin into my mouth, I bit gently. A soft sound of content slips from his lips, so I trace up the shell of his ear with my tongue. Upon my return, I bite down once more; harder this time. Just as my teeth release him, the fist tangled in his hair gives a sharp tug. His hum bleeds into a moan that has me squeezing my thighs together. A cool plume of air billows past my lips along the now damp skin; goosebumps erupt immediately. I slide my hand from his jaw until my fingers wrap around his throat to hold him.

“Do you like this, Rome?” The soft whisper has him murmuring his satisfaction. “Come on…” I lightly squeeze his throat. “Be a good boy and use your words.” When I pull away to look at his face, I find his lids are nearly shut.

“Y-yeah.” He swallows in an attempt to steady himself. It doesn’t. “Y-yes, I like it.” He could barely look me in the eyes and it made my stomach flip in the best way possible.

“God, you’re so fuckin’ pretty like this.” The words slip out before I have the chance to stop them. He inhales sharply, and the air seems to rattle through his skull. His eyes quickly leave mine as his face warms considerably. My heart beats as if it were trying to rip itself from my chest and collide with his. The blood rushing in my ears was chanting 'I love you' over and over again. My teeth dig into my cheek until the taste of blood envelops my tongue. I'm raging a war with my own body in silence. This newfound power was locking talons with my own subjugated nature and death spiraling through the emotion in my chest.

His pulse was racing underneath my thumb. My voice cascades over his flushed skin as I let feather light kisses rain upon him. His first name glides along the tip of his right cheek, his last over the tip of his left. Hovering just out of his reach, I whisper into his open mouth.

“Tell me what you need.” He desperately tries to press his lips into mine but I just pull back. He grunts in frustration.

“Just fuckin’ kiss me already.”

“No.” Releasing my grip, I shove him into the couch. He trips backwards, gracelessly collapsing into the cushions. I climb onto his lap with my knees pressed to either side of his hips. With one hand, I weave my fist around his tie and pull him to me. My other grips his jaw tightly. “You wanna try that again?” His jaw clenches beneath my fingers. His eyes were wild as they flared up at me. Suddenly, his hands lock onto my hips, hard. He pushes his face into my fingers until the tips of our noses bump together.

“I said, just fucking kiss me and I meant do it now.” His words were caught somewhere between a hiss and a growl. He never could handle the word no, so his response shouldn’t have surprised me, but it did. The power I’d been holding over him was now leaking through the lace under my skirt. My thighs instinctively flex around him and it has him digging his fingers in harder. A liquid heat spreads through my chest at the thought of later seeing the bruises he was surely leaving behind.

“Well?” My teeth clench and the hand holding his jaw twitches. The attitude lacing his voice drug it’s nails up my spine as I’m reminded of how entitled he could be. He wasn’t supposed to be the one making demands anymore. His smile twitches as a darkness blooms behind his glee. “You wanna hit me don’t you?” My grip loosened; my lungs suddenly feeling like he held them in his fist.

“W-what?” I didn’t want to hit him. Did I? He was selfish, he was arrogant, and he could be so goddamn cruel. Still, the urge to physically harm him was something I had never once encountered. Knowing the history of his childhood and having bared witness to his father’s present day violence against him had made me hyper aware of the constant pain pulsing below his surface. My eyes rapidly blink as they search past his burning stare and into the darkened crevices of his soul.

Oh—he wanted me to hurt him.

His need for it radiating from the blackened pits to scald me. It scared me. It scared me because it felt dark. It felt wrong. But it scared me the most of all because suddenly in this moment, I wanted to. “I-I don’t-“

“Shut the fuck up.” Again, my teeth clench and my grip retightens on his jaw. His smile grew. Mother fucker knew what he was doing. He was basking in it.

He reaches for my hand wound in his tie, quickly unraveling before bringing it to his throat. His own then slide towards my ass. Gripping tightly, he pushes me down against his length to make sure I felt how badly he wanted this. He throbbed against my center; he wanted it bad. “Listen to me. You’re gonna let go of my jaw and you’re gonna fuckin’ slap me, aright?” I nod and release him. “Fuckin’ hit me.” As I draw back my palm, his tongue peaks out to wet his bottom lip.

Slap.

My palm makes contact and brushes across his cheek. It was a sad attempt really. Weak. Even though I knew he wanted it, needed it, something inside held me back.

I was still scared of harming him.

“Are you fucking kidding me? Come on!” He roughly digs his fingers into my ass, significantly harder than before. “I said fucking slap me!”

Crack.

I slapped him. Hard. His face jerks to the side. My hand stung as it instinctively goes to cover my mouth in shock of myself. His lips twitch before slowly turning up in a demented grin. A bloom of red seeps out from his bottom lip and his tongue slides across it. With the taste of his own blood, his smile widens. He laughs softly to himself and I slowly lower my hand.

“There she is.” His voice low, a rumbling purr. “You fuckin’ bitch.” The hand I had just used to strike instantly flies into the mess of his hair; our lips collide. A groan escapes, but from which of us—I didn’t know. The metallic taste of him fueled me. It felt frantic, bruising, needy. We pushed ourselves into each other as if we were feral creatures, held captive and starved. Feeding on something we had buried deep inside only to be found behind the teeth of the other. Sucking his tongue into my mouth causes him to moan and set me ablaze.

I force our mouths apart with a pull of his hair; desperately needing to catch my breath and clear my head. Panting heavily, we stare into the depths of the other in quiet disbelief. This was really happening.

“You sure you want this?” I needed to hear him confirm that he did, in-fact, want to go where we were obviously heading. I knew Roman long enough to know he had serious intimacy issues. Their seeming lack of presence in this moment had me in a whirlwind. He pressed himself into my center once again, his nails bruising crescents into my skin.

“What do you fuckin’ think, dumbass?” I let go of his throat and dig my own nails into his jaw to grip him harshly. He openly smiles with swollen lips.

“Tell me then. Tell me exactly what you want.” His expression falters and his jaw tenses beneath my fingers, eyes flickering from mine.

“You know what I fuckin’ want.” His words seep through gritted teeth. I press my forehead to his. Ever so slowly, I begin rhythmically grinding my hips down upon him. The friction causing his eyes to slip shut. A loud groan escapes from somewhere deep within his chest.

“Roman, I swear to God I’ll stop.” He doesn’t say anything so I still my hips. Umber eyes shoot open and he tries to move me himself. I won’t budge. “I will get up and I will fucking leave you here like this. Pathetic and alone with nothing but your hand.” As the words leave my mouth, so do my hips leave his. His brows snap together and tries in vain to pull me back down again. Still, I don’t budge. “I will walk out this door and you will never fucking see me again. Is that what you want?” The threat was hollow but said with a bite that had shaken me. I was falling into this role a little too easily, a little too well.

He gapes up at me when I completely let go of him. Placing my hands on his shoulders, I attempt to push myself off. It’s him who doesn’t budge this time. He yanks me back down with every ounce of strength his small frame contained. The sudden action has all the air escaping my lungs. With a hand clasped to the back of my neck, he seizes me into a searing kiss.

“Whatever you want.” The words frantically rush into my mouth. “I don’t care.” Fighting against the grip on my neck, he finally gives. I pull back to contemplate his words. Tilting my head slightly, my gaze falls to his tie. An idea begins forming as I slowly untie the silk. My nimble fingers unbuttoning his shirt has him intently studying my face. Whatever I want.

Cupping his warm face in one hand, I smear the blood of his bottom lip with my thumb. He parts his mouth and sucks it in. With my other, I reach for Roman’s and slide his own thumb into my waiting mouth. As I swirl my tongue around him, Roman’s eyes darken and he sucks me harder.

Pulling from his lips with a pop, I rub my now wet thumb against his nipple. A soft moan is let loose. My tongue continuously plays with him inside me. He shudders as I pinch the bud beneath my fingers before doing the same to the other. Letting go of his hand, I reach forward to pinch both simultaneously and he groans loudly.

My cheeks hollow around his thumb as he slips it from me. He drags it down my bottom lip and stares intently. Transfixed by my spit glistening in the incandescent light. Cupping my jaw, he pulls me forward to replace his thumb with his tongue. That familiar groan returning when I suck him in. His other hand tangles itself into my staticky waves and he kisses me with everything he has.

“Give me your wrists.” The order was partially muffled against his mouth.

“Huh?” The question was mumbled into my lips.

“I said,” Threading my fingers into his own hair, I pull him back. “give me your fucking wrists.” With a dramatic tug, his tie is jerked from underneath his collar in a rush. He sat still, blinking up at me. The walnut shells of his eyes fall into my hands. There was a slight apprehension, a nervousness to them. “Do you trust me, Rome?”

“Y-yeah.” His voice was hushed as he presents his hands to me and I slowly start wrapping the silk around his wrists.

“We can stop at anytime. You know that, right? Just say the word and I’ll stop immediately.” My reassurance seems to irritate more than comfort. He rolls his eyes with a tilt of the head.

“Would you fuck off? I’m fine.” A crease digs itself into the bridge of his nose and my actions immediately still.

“I’m not going to fuck off unless I know that you know that you’re safe with me, okay?” This dominate role was far from the submissive one I was innately familiar with. We obviously had never discussed boundaries and I didn’t know where the lines were anymore. “I need you to know you can speak up. That I’ll stop the second you tell me to.” Roman looks like he’d rather get a root canal than continue this discussion, but I don’t care. This was far too important. “I need you to know that your comfort is important—that your feelings matter.”

“I fucking know it, alright?” He snapped before groaning and throwing his head back. “God, what the fuck else do you need to know before you just shut the fuck up and get on with it already?” My hand quickly finds its way to his throat with a squeeze. He seems more than pleased by this response.

“Do you wanna fucking cum?”

“Clearly I wanna fuckin’—“ My other hand slaps over his mouth and I can feel him smiling underneath my palm. Roman was gladly trying to piss me off. He was itching to see me lose control; yearned to meet the creature locked inside me. The wicked one I never acknowledged or came near; the demon only he could see. She bathes me in the blood of solidified suspicions.

Roman didn’t want my empathy.

Roman wanted my cruelty.

“Then are you fucking stupid? If you don’t shut the fuck up I’ll make damn sure to have you crying like a little bitch before I even think of letting you cum.” His eyes blackened as he watches my succubuss unhinge her jaw to swallow me whole. “Got it?” He nods quickly. Rapid bursts of air shoot from his nose across the back of my hand. “And lose the fuckin’ attitude.” Removing my hand, I slap him across the mouth; handing myself over to his desires completely.

Having finished binding his wrists and setting them behind his head, I rise from the couch. Standing between his ankles, I unzip my skirt and let it fall to my feet. The muscles in his forearms flex. His tongue peaks between his lips as he gawked at the damp lace between my thighs. Sliding my finger below his chin, I tilt his head until he meets my eyes.

“You know what I want, Roman?” My hand takes home around his throat once again. Now having his full attention, I feel him swallow as he shakes his head. His excitement was palpable. Settling my right knee between his thighs, I nudge it gently against his hard length. His nostrils flare with a sharp inhale. “I want you to watch me get myself off on your thigh.” He groans loudly. I couldn’t tell if it was out of desire, frustration, or a mixture of both but the response delighted me nonetheless. Placing my left knee to the other side of his thigh, I fully seat myself upon him. “Knowing there’s absolutely nothing you can do about it.”

“Fuck.” Slowly grinding against the fabric of his thigh, my lashes flutter at the sensation. A soft moan escapes me before I can stop it. I was dripping wet and could already feel myself swiftly ruining his ostentatiously expensive pants.

“How does it feel Roman? To have me use you like this?“ A whimper meets my ears. His eyes transfixed on my clothed center sliding roughly against his thigh. There was a fire beneath his skin and he was entranced by the sight of kerosene being poured upon it. “To ruin you like this?” His smokey gaze flickers up to mine and I use the moment to grind myself harder against him. The rough friction elicits another moan from me, louder this time. “This is all you’re good for—” My final word comes out in a whine causing Roman to tear into his bottom lip hard enough to draw more blood. “Tell me. How does it feel?” I nudge my knee into his throbbing member once more and the deepest groan ripples through his teeth. His arms jerk against his binds as I use my free hand to sharply twist his nipple. “Answer me!”

“Good! It feels—Fuck.” The sentiment came out hoarse and husky. He shoves his head back into his tied wrists, thrusting himself against my knee. “Feels so f-fuckin’ good.” Digging my thumb into his pulse point, I slide my knee back. He whines; all hopes of friction dashing in an instant.

“No. You don’t get to cum until I say you do. Got it, you demented little fuck?” He’s a whimpering mess beneath me; eyes wide and watery. I wanted to drown myself in the sight and never touch the light of day again.

My thong bunches to the side from the aggression in my movements. Now fully bare against him, a shiver rushes through me as my clit kisses the luxurious fabric of his thigh. I wasn’t going to last much longer.

“If you don’t fucking behave I swear to God I’ll leave you like this—tied up and soaking for whoever to find.” The bite in my threats were losing their edge. My voice lost somewhere between a moan and sigh. An impending orgasm flicks it’s tongue at the base of my spine.

“Wouldn’t want it to be your father who finds you like this, would you?” A mangled whine shakes itself from his throat and has me smiling.

The blood seeping from his parted lips seem to glitter under the city light of his windows. I flatten my tongue across his jaw and drag it up his chin until my mouth fills with copper. The taste causes a sigh to slip from my mouth into his.

“You’re close. I-I can feel it.” His voice tight and high-pitched as he starts to slightly bounce his leg. “You’ve f-fucking drenched me.” The jolting of his thigh into my clit has my head falling into his shoulder; grinding harder and faster against him. The nails of my right hand embed themselves into the skin of his waist. A carnal mosaic of the flesh born below my grip. I was at the brink. “I-I wanna feel you cum.” He’s whining as he starts to bounce his leg faster; face buried in my hair. His shaking breath against my cheek has my entire body erupting in goosebumps. “P-please lemme f-feel you cum.” His beg hitches to an even higher pitch. His thigh nearly vibrating under me, desperate pleas rippling through me. Every nerve ending in my body felt ablaze.

It was all too much.

A scream rips from my lungs and I sink my teeth into the flesh of Roman’s shoulder. He tasted of salt and brimstone. My nails frenetically scratch into his skin as my thighs tremble and squeeze. Groans barrel up from his chest to mingle with my own. My release shatters through me with a blinding intensity I had never experienced before. I was overflowing; drenching his thigh to seep into his soul.

The heaving of our chests pressed tightly together slowly lulls me back down again. My fingertips absentmindedly painting shapes into his skin with the blood I’d drawn from his waist. Sparkles of light and voids of soot twirl across my vision. An indention of my teeth remained etched into his shoulder. He shudders when I press a soft kiss onto the bruised skin. My head falling heavy when it replaces my mouth to lean into him.

I’m suddenly reminded of Roman’s own much needed release upon finding his hips desperately grinding circles into empty air. He’s whimpering; body begging. My hand still cradled his throat so I languidly brush my thumb along his pulse point. His heart was racing.

“Do you need to cum, Roman?” A loud, high-pitched whine answers me.

“Please.” The word comes out in a choked sob. “I need—“ He was fighting against his binds, the silk digging painfully into his wrists. “Please.” He frantically presses open mouth kisses into any inch of my skin that he could reach; pleading with glassy eyes. “Please lemme cum.” I leave his throat to gently cup his cheek and smile softly before pulling back from him. “No—“ He stops himself when I thread one hand into his hair and place the other bloodied one atop his chest.

“You gonna cum your pants for me, Romie?” I take my sweet time sliding my palm towards where he needs it most. “Like the needy little slut that you are?” The whispered words were dripping in ghost pepper honey that had him swallowing. “Are you that desperate? That pathetic?”

“Yes.” The answer comes out in a quiet quick rush of air. “Y-yeah, I am.” My hand finally reaches his pulsing length and it twitches beneath my fingers. He immediately ruts against my palm and I squeeze him before jerking his head back.

“Stop.” He clenches his teeth but surprisingly does. Tensing beneath me, using every ounce of self control to still himself. He was trembling beneath my grasp. Frustrated tears caressed his lashes and began streaming down his flushed cheeks. His breath was coming out hard and shallow through flared nostrils.

A memory flashes through my mind: Roman’s captivated stare watching his glistening thumb press into my bottom lip.

“Open your mouth.” Again, he follows my orders instantly. Hovering my face above his, my lips purse with a drop of spit. He catches it with a moan that I immediately kiss into my mouth. “Cum.” My voice drops just above a whisper against his raw lips. “Make a mess of yourself.”

He instantly begins fucking himself roughly into my grip. The heat of his flesh searing me through the fabric. Grunting into my open mouth as I tug his hair into the cushions just below his wrists. His hands opening and closing before locking into tight fists. “Look at me.” His eyes shoot open. “Such a good boy for me.” A familiar emotion swirls through the sliver of hazel around his pupils. His lids flutter as he fought with everything in him to keep himself rooted in my gaze. “You’re so fucking beautiful, Roman.”

His hips shoot from the couch as he explodes and spreads me open across his thigh. The sensation causes my breath to catch in my throat. A gravely yell rips from the deepest parts of himself and tears apart every muscle in my body. He pours everything he has into the fabric beneath my hand with wide eyes never leaving mine. He collapses hard with shuttering breaths; body limp and twitching.

I release him to bring my palm to my lips; the slightest bit damp from him. My tongue paints his taste into my memory with pupils blown. Jaw slack, he watches intently through heavy wet lashes. His muddy eyes fill with that same emotion I had seen from him earlier.

“Lemme taste you.” The request was nearly silent but it rattled me like a wail. If I was any further from him I wouldn’t have heard it, but I did and couldn’t believe he had asked. Lifting my hips slightly, I run two fingers through my sensitive folds and shiver. He immediately takes notice and a ghost of a smile tugs at his lips.

My fingers tremble as they rise towards his mouth. He inhales deeply before parting his lips for me. Slipping into the velvet of his mouth, his eyes flutter shut. His pointed tongue runs up between their gaps before flattening to drag back down. He was savoring every drop as if he were a starved man lost at sea. An involuntary hum reverberates from his throat into my skin and his cheeks seem to darken even more. He playfully bites down with sparkling eyes when I slip my fingers from his warm mouth.

The sight had the blood pounding in my ears beginning their familiar chant: ‘I love you, I love you, I love you.’ It overwhelmed me and I couldn’t help but pull him into one last searing kiss. Tasting myself on his tongue had my head spinning. Here on my knees, I prayed to a godless sky that he could taste my heart overflowing into his mouth. Cupping his cheeks in both hands, my thumbs brush away the damp paths left by his previous tears. His forehead suddenly creases beneath mine.

“You okay, Rome?” He shakes my hands from his face and turns away from me. My own brows knot together in worry.

“I’m fine.” His face further contorts upon hearing how his voice cracked. It might as well have cracked my ribs right along with it. He clenches his jaw before gnawing at the inside of his cheek. His hands form into tight fist behind his head. He was trying not to cry again.

My fingers twitch in my lap and it takes everything in me not to wrap him in my arms. Instead, I reach for his wrists and bring them forward. They felt heavy and limp in my hands. Right as I began my attempt at untying them, a small sniffle brings my attention back to Roman’s face.

“It’s okay if you’re not okay, you know?” I try to gently reassure him but it only deepens the tortured disgust in his features.

“I said I’m fucking fine.” The words are spit with a venom that eats through to my bones. Feeling me search his feature has him crumbling before me. Fresh tears immediately start spilling down his cheeks and into the pits of my soul. I couldn’t help but reach for him. He surprisingly lets me cup his cheek, so I gently turn him to face me. His eyes squeeze tighter below my lips as I lightly kiss their corners. The small gesture of affection has a mangled sob ripping from his chest. Fully burying his face into my hand, he lets himself weep into my palm.

Brushing back the strands of hair sticking to his sweat, I feel my own eyes filling with tears. Refusing to let myself cry, I leave his hair to clumsily attempt untying his wrists with one hand but the knot had grown significantly tighter. No doubt from Roman constantly pulling against it all this time.

“Hey, Rome?” He responds with a mangled sound in the back of his throat. A desperate need to comfort and free him started anxiously clawing at my throat. “Listen, I know you’re totally fine and everything but I’m actually not.” His watery eyes glance to me, not registering that I’m joking. “The she demon that possessed me, she—the bitch was a Girl Scout from hell. This knot’s tighter than a goddamn hangman’s noose.” Roman pulls his face from my hand while rapidly blinking. The sounds of grinding metal fill my ears and their smokey scent tickles my nose. I flash him a goofy, albeit nervous, smile and the gears inside his head finally click into place.

“You’re a fucking idiot.” There was no bite to his words, having spoke them through a bemused chuckle. He wipes his nose with back of his hand and inhales the remnants of his vulnerability. Grateful relief balms the scrapes at my neck left by worry’s desperate claws.

His smile falters when I suddenly get up and leave him; it's as if a burst of panic fills his chest. However, when he watches me pick up a pair of scissors and the joggers from his gym bag, I sense the tension in him ease slightly. It's only when I climb back atop his thigh that he appears fully relieved. The weight of my warmth sinking into him seems to ground him.

After tossing his change of pants onto the cushion beside us, I carefully slide the blade under his tie and free him. The silk had dug in painfully, leaving nearly raw indentions in it’s wake. I mentally make a note to check my purse for some soothing lotion later as my fingers lightly brush across his skin. My thumbs begin rubbing into the muscles of his forearms. Roman was studying my face intently.

“These feel okay?” Shaking out his wrists, he rotates them a few times before letting them fall limp in my lap. It was his way of silently asking me to continue with my actions. He had far too much pride to express his desire for such a tender expression.

“Feels fine.” He fights off a shy smile when my hands pick up where they left off, massaging him gently. “My side on the other hand feels like fuckin’ cruise papers with the way ya shredded me.” He chuckles but I could still hear the residual emotion behind it. I lift the corner of his shirt up to take a look. The sight has my stomach instantly dropping; tangled weeds of angry wounds imbedded deep into flesh. Needles of red hot guilt begin sewing threads of shame up my legs. Looking down, I’m greeted with his blood caked under my nails. Memories of violence and words of degradation take ownership of my lungs.

“Fuck Rome…” My voice cracks and I suddenly feel my own tears holding a knife to my throat. “I’m so fucking sorry.” Roman quickly tears the fabric from my grasp and yanks it down.

“Oh shit. No no no no no—fuck fuck fuck.” His panicked expression made me feel so much worse. The canines of an anxiety attack drag up the nape of my neck like a threat. “I—I was fucking kidding!”

“I shouldn’t have d—done that to you. I—I shouldn’t have hit you. I shouldn’t have said—I didn’t—Rome, I didn’t mean them! The words—I—I’m so sor—“

“Oh dear God, would you fuckin’ stop.” He quickly cut me off but I had already dove to the deep end of a molten lava shame spiral.

“I—I made you fucking bleed Roman!” He rolls his eyes. “Multiple times!” His hands slap themselves onto the sides of my face, pressing hard into my cheeks.

“Yeah and you licked it up and it was the sexiest fuckin’—” I couldn’t open my eyes to look at him. If I looked at him I’d most certainly start crying. “I mean, I’m literally fucking drenched in cum right now.” My mouth was set in a hard line but my bottom lip quivered. “Come on now…” Nope, didn’t have to look at him. Turns out his voice alone could send tears falling. “I was kidding! I liked the fuckin’—fuckin’ feral scratchy shit! It was hot! And—and I told you to hit me! I—I wanted it! I wanted you to say all that fuckin’ nasty shit!” His fingers press into my skin harder as if he could force his sentiments to penetrate my skull. “I…I fuckin’ loved it. Like a lot. Okay?” My head was shaking back and forth trying to gain some control over my emotions, shake free of my tears. Roman didn’t know that though. How could he? I wasn’t speaking. He probably thought my actions were just my way of rejecting him. “Please don’t fuckin’ do this.”

My eyes crack open as I remove Roman’s hands from my face. The knotted look of bewilderment etched into his features summons the childhood phantom of my mother. Taking her disembodied palm to slap me across the mouth and rattle me with shrill screams: ‘You need to pull yourself the fuck together!’ I follow suit, digging the heels of my palms into my eyes.

“Promise?” My question came out pathetic and small. I fucking hated it and I fucking hated crying. I’m being fucking ridiculous. Stupid.

“Again, and I can’t stress this enough, soaking in my own cum right now.” His reassurance comes with a laugh that tugs my frown up slightly.

“I just—I’m sorry. It was one thing in the moment but just like… I dunno. I’ve never done anything like that. I—I don’t know what came over me.” My face felt feverish as the backs of my hands wipe the shame staining my cheeks. “Seeing the aftermath just kinda, it just—The thought of actually hurting you makes me feel fucking sick, Rome.” I feel the back of Roman’s knuckle brush away the tears I had missed. Chancing a look at his face gifted me the softest expression I had ever seen from him. “I never want to cause you any real harm.” My voice sounded almost foreign, weak with emotion and vulnerability. Where did all my bravado go? Oh yeah, it’s dripping down my thighs.

“Well you didn’t, alright? I’m fine. Like completely. A-o-fuckin’-kay over here.” He throws me the okay symbol and tries offering me a reassuring smile but it doesn’t reach his eyes.

“But you were crying, Rome.” The smile instantly drops.

“That? No, I wasn’t—“ He shakes his head before scratching at his jaw. “It—it wasn’t because of that.” My brows furrow, and he groans, hands dragging down his face. “Look, I didn’t—I don’t—fuck!” He shakes his fingers through his hair and looks as if he’s about to rip it out. Refusing to meet my eyes, his stare finally settles on my hands lying face up in my lap. “It was your fuckin’—your hands, okay? It was your fuckin’ hands.” My eyes fall from his face and focus on the blood staining my fingertips. So it really was because I hit him. “The way you—“ He sighs. “The way you held me.” Oh. His head falls back as a long frustrated groan escapes him, eyes searching for heaven in the ceiling. “I dunno, okay? It just felt—it felt—“ He couldn’t finish. His eyes fall shut before he continues, his voice even quieter than before. “All I could think about was how you had looked at me.” I swallow before whispering just as quietly as he.

“How did I look at you?”

“I don’t know.” His voice grew thick with emotion once again. He shakes his head and finally meets my eyes; looking so defeated and sad. His pain bled me. “You’re always fuckin’ lookin’ at me like—like—“ Again, he can’t finish. He clenches his jaw like a threat towards the words caught in his throat.

“Like I love you?” His eyes squeeze shut and he turns his face from me once again; hiding himself from my words. I watch him clench and unclench his jaw until courage clenches my own. “Because I do love you, Roman.” Every muscle in his body seemed to tense beneath me, but I couldn’t stop my feelings from shattering their shackles. They’d been locked up for so long that their first taste of freedom sends them sprinting. “I love you so fucking much.” He clenches his fists, still unable to open his eyes and look at me.

I let myself lean into him and lay my head onto his shoulder. His fist start to unfurl and he lets his head fall against mine. A shuddering breath leaves him and he buries his face into my hair, hands tentatively resting on my hips. We sit in silence as I listen to his breathing slowly steadying. Once it had nearly returned to normal, I feel his lips gently press into my temple.

“I love you too.” The words were murmured into me, a heavy sigh follows after them. “You have no fucking idea.” The wilted buds of my heart and mind begin to bloom. My arms wrap themselves around him and squeeze him to me tightly. He reluctantly wraps his arms around me as well; slowly tightening his embrace until he’s clinging to my soul. Turning my head I press a kiss into the side of his throat and hear him sigh once again; the weight between us was dissipating.

“I’m sorry for freaking out earlier.” The words he had stuttered out when trying to calm me drift to the forefront of my mind. “I—I liked it too.” The warmth of his skin embraces my shy confession. “What we did together, I mean.” I hear him snort and it has me smiling against him. The air was feeling lighter.

“I’d fuckin’ say so, ya fuckin’ banshee. You shoulda seen how fuckin’ hard you came. I mean—Jesus Christ, you were fuckin’ feral.” I hide my face further into his neck but can’t help the laughter that bubbles up from me. “And now you act all fuckin’ bashful and shit? How the fuck does that even work? You literally tied me up and road my thigh like a buckin’ bronco.” I bite his throat and my body shakes from his laughter vibrating through me.

“Fuck you! I’m complex.”

“Yeah, no shit.” He tangles his hands in my hair and pulls me back to face him. “You’re fuckin’ insane, you know that?” He was smiling as he said it. “You drive me fucking insane.”

“The feelings mutual.” His smile only widens and he bounces his leg. I yelp in surprise, frantically gripping at his arms to maintain balance. He’s giggling uncontrollably. “You’re a sick fuck, Roman Roy.”

“Ooo round two already, thigh master?” He bounces his leg again. I try to slap his chest but he catches my wrist with his freehand and pulls me into a kiss I’m never going to forget. It was different than all the ones we had shared prior. This one was so much softer, so much gentler. Our foreheads rest against one another. His smile against my lips illuminates every crevice once void of light; I was loved.

#this used to be 10k words lol #I’ve rewritten it soooo many times #Roman Roy #Succession #Succession HBO #roman roy smut #roman roy x reader #roman roy one shot #roman roy fanfic #roman roy imagine #succession smut #succession fanfic #succession imagine #succession one shot #mine #can’t believe I’m following up kittens & perverts w/ this filth lmao #it still doesn’t feel perfect but she’s about to confiscate the phone from me if I keep rewriting this lol #cruelty & empathy

[rhoorl]

Just a sappy year-end post you can continue scrolling lol…

I’ve written and rewritten this so many times over the past week. The words were failing me on how to sum up this year, so instead here’s a long-winded stream of consciousness:

There are so many things that now have a new meaning for me thanks to the last nine months.

Sequins. Donuts. Ties. Mirrors. Belt buckles. Snakes. Holsters. Back Alleys. Bakeries. Pickles. Landscaping. Gray sweatpants. Honestly, the list goes on.

At the start of 2023, I was soooo excited to watch The Last of Us. I was a fan of Pedro and Mr. Rhoorl was a huge fan of the game so it was like a win-win and something for us to watch together. Little did I know how much that show and Pedro’s subsequent SNL appearance would change the rest of my year.

I still laugh when I think about how long I spent lurking on the Pedro subreddit before I said anything. But little by little, my upvotes turned into me leaving comments and those comments led to me finding some pretty awesome people. Especially those who encouraged me when I threw out a random comment about how I was thinking of writing a fic of my own after consuming so many stories and feeling inspired (I read my first fanfic in March of this year!). 

I remember going to the movies one day in the summer. I arrived early (taking solace in having some peace and quiet) and as I sat waiting for the trailers to start, I typed up the skeleton of the Working Title plot on my phone. Fast forward to impulsively creating a Tumblr account and feeling like the eldest millennial ever hoping I wouldn’t get laughed out of the room as I tried navigating this site and interacting with people and their posts.

Then a few weeks later, I was reading one of my favorite series (The Layover) and got this idea about an AU where the Triple Frontier boys start a landscaping business. I was so scared to message Megan about it, hoping she wouldn’t think I was completely nuts (well, maybe she does). I’m so happy I took that deep breath and hit send on that message. It was an uncharacteristic move for me, normally I’d just think ha that’s a funny idea and keep it to myself. But so much of the summer was pushing myself out of my comfort zone so I thought, why not?

Speaking of taking a deep breath and hitting send…who knew that the idea of hosting an online watch party would bring so many amazing people into my life? It all feels like a fever dream sometimes with how it all came together and I’m not sure how everything fell into place but grateful doesn’t even begin to express how it makes me feel. 

I’ll spare you the story since this is getting long, but this year had many highs and many lows. And what really helped me a lot during these lows was a lot of you reading this. Thank you for the encouragement, the laughs, and the shoulders to cry on during those low days, along with the silly graphics and gifs that made me smile (or gave me thots). I’m a pretty reserved and closed-off person away from here, but this year I decided to get out of my comfort zone a bit and just … try.

I know I'll probably never meet Pedro (except in my dreams), but damn if I did ever meet him I would love to say thank you. Thank you for putting so much heart and soul into your performances. Thank you for inspiring creativity in me that I didn't think was there anymore and for inspiring others to bear their souls out onto the internet by way of amazing, heartfelt, and thot-tastic stories. Thank you for giving me a reason to meet people from literally all over the world. This place feels like a playground sometimes with friendships striking up in the simplest ways, like “Hey you like Pedro/this character/this very specific photoshoot/this gif? Cool, me too let’s be friends.” I am so thankful to have made some true connections and friends here that I otherwise would not have met. 

(And finally, because I'm me, I’d thank Pedro for being so broad and having amazing hair…ok I wouldn’t actually say that because I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t be able to form a sentence but dammit I would be thinking it that’s for sure!)

So to sum up, this year has been one of growth, of taking deep breaths, of silencing the little voice in my head, and hitting send, or post, or reblog. It doesn’t always work, but when it does, it’s magic. 

If you made it this far, thank you. I’ve gone through a few tissues writing this so I’m going to wrap things up. I don’t really have a profound way to end this rambling other than to say I’m here if you ever want to pop by and say hello or yell about the latest Pedro photo. I know there’s a lot of discourse on here from time to time about various pockets/groups but I feel pretty lucky to have landed in a corner of this site that is supportive and full of love. There’s plenty of room around the table for us all and I wholeheartedly believe in community over competition. I can’t wait to see what 2024 brings.

xoxo  Jess

P.S. At what point do we test the Emergency Alert System ahead of Gladiator 2? I’m going to need a wellness check.

Pedro tax for your troubles:

#tw: long post #tw: personal #year in review

[shiftingparadise]

hey bbyyy! i am back with another request! 🙈 i saw the feitan one, but i couldn’t read it cause you said it was spicy 😩😩 but hey it’s hunter x hunter! and i immediately wanted a killua fic from you 🥺🥺

so hear me out, it’s like canon events where they go on adventures and follow gon around as he tries to track down his horrible dad. reader took the hunter exam with the gang and befriends everyone and gains a stupid kid-crush on killua! and killua gains a crush on reader too, and it’ll be a super sweet and comedic romance cause they’re only twelve ya’know! we can expect petty fights and teasing and making fun of random strangers killua style and it’ll be so freaking cute 😆😆

Oh and if it’s possible, can you please not have the fic take place during the chimera ant arc? i’m still not through that cause i literally had to take a break because it overwhelmed me so much lmaoo 💀💀

and of course this is a no pressure request, i’ll understand if you’re not comfortable with writing a fic about someone as young as them, or if you’re not comfortable with writing this particular fic in general! anyways, have a great day luv and remember to stay healthy 💛💛

I thought this request was soooo cute lol 🥺 I really kept it as innocent and cute as possible 🥺. I'm sorry it took a while, but I struggled with writing this because I wanted to keep it interesting but innocent at the same time.

I've rewritten this story so many times by now, but I think this one's cute, so I chose this version :3 I hope you enjoy this one! I had fun writing it, so I'm happy you requested this 😇✨

Word count: 3744

‘Here you go’, you smiled at the white-haired boy, ‘You need this, right?’.

You tilted your head, confused by his distrust. You’d spend forever looking for this badge, he could at least take it without being so defiant about it. 

‘No’. 

‘H-hey! I know you need this!’, you placed both your hands next to your body in discontent. 

‘I’ve already collected enough badges, don’t need that one’, the white-haired boy had his hands stuffed away in his pockets, a disinterested gaze met yours.

‘B-but I-‘. ‘Don’t care’, the boy closed his eyes, now turning his back to you. 

You didn’t want to cry, to show you were weak, but you went through so much trouble for nothing. 

‘Huh?’, Killua frowned when he could hear some cute, sniffling sounds from behind him. ‘I-I just w-want a friend’, you wiped your tears away with the sleeve of your pink sweater. 

‘H-hey, are you crying?! Stop crying!’. ‘J-just l-leave me alone!’, you quickly turned around, running as fast as you could from the white-haired boy. 

‘Tch, idiot’, Killua gritted through his teeth before walking the other way, ‘Who takes a hunter exam to make friends’. 

Killua stopped walking when he considered his own words. Images of Gon forced themselves into his head. 

‘Idiot, idiot, idiot!’, Killua felt frustrated. Why did you have to say something like that? Why did you have to remind him of himself? He knows better than anyone what it’s like to long for a friend, and since you went to all this trouble… Even participating in the hunter exam… ‘Fine!’, Killua turned back around, ‘I can hear her sob from here, it’s not like I would waste much time’. 

It didn’t take long for Killua to find you. You were sitting on the ground, head resting against the trunk of a tree. 

‘Go away’, you sniffled into your sleeve, eyes overflowing with tears. ‘Here, you dropped this’, Killua tossed the badge towards you. 

You reluctantly caught it, a sulking expression now on your face. 

‘How many badges do you have?’. 

You frowned, confused by his question. What did it matter? It was obvious he didn’t want to be friends with you. 

‘Take as many as you want’, you tossed your bag towards the boy. 

‘W-what?’, Killua’s eyes widened when he could see you'd collected over 10 badges, ‘How did you get these?’. ‘Stole them’, you slowly stood up from the ground, wondering what his intentions were. 

‘How?’. 

‘W-what do you mean ‘how’?! You don’t think I’m capable of doing so?’, you raised your voice. He underestimated you, so much was clear. ‘Hm’, Killua raised his shoulders, both of his hands still in his pockets, ‘Let’s make a deal’. 

Killua couldn’t help but be intrigued by you. There weren’t many kids his age that were as strong as him, but you and Gon might be the exceptions. 

‘A deal?’, you crossed your arms, eyes fixed on the bag that was laying between the two of you. ‘If you can get your bag back, I’ll be your friend’. ‘R-really?’, you intertwined your hands, ‘S-so it’ll be like a game?’. ‘Guess so’, Killua smiled, closing his eyes. ‘Deal!’, you smirked, focusing your eyes on your bag. ‘Okay, see you’, the white-haired boy smirked before he picked up the bag and disappeared into the distance. 

---

You sighed, dragging your feet while walking down the crowded streets, ‘Eh, I’m tired’. ‘Just a little bit further. Leorio’s waiting for us in that restaurant’, Gon smiled at you. ‘Good, I’m starving’. ‘I told you to eat some breakfast!’, Killua smacked against the back of your head, ‘Idiot!’. ‘Hey, you’re an idiot!’, you pouted while rubbing over the spot where he’d hit you. 

‘Let’s try to be kind to each other, okay?’, Gon nervously meddled, ‘You can order something, I’m also hungry. ‘That’s because you haven't had any breakfast either! You’re both idiots’, Killua scoffed while grabbing both of your heads, ‘Now we’re going to waste time because you two didn’t listen to me!’. 

You let out a guilty giggle, Gon quickly following your lead. The two of you knew Killua was right, he always was. It was a trait you both came to love and hate at the same time. 

‘We need to get money to buy Greed Island, we can’t waste time like this’, Killua let go of your heads, ‘I hope Leorio has figured something out. I don’t like the idea of hunting down Spiders’. 

--- 

‘If he calls, run. If he calls, run. If he-‘. 

‘You told me you two were the only ones? I’m starting to feel like I’m running a daycare, damn brats’. 

Adrenaline immediately rushed through your veins when you could hear the dissatisfied grunts of your friends.

You quickly jumped away from the window, now looking at the unfamiliar face. ‘Who are you?’. 

‘Phinks’. 

‘Y/N run’, Killua never sounded so serious before. All the playfulness, all the mockery, the sarcasm… There wasn’t any trace left of it in his tone. 

‘Don’t’, the tall man tightened his grip around their arms, ‘I’ll kill them if you try’. ‘What do you want?’, your eyes were lingering on the burn marks around Killua’s ankles.

You wanted nothing more than to shove the man’s face into the concrete wall next to you, but the fact that he’s managed to catch both of your friends told you everything you needed to about his strength – he could easily kill you if he wanted to. 

‘Do you know the chain user?’. ‘Chain user?’, you frowned at the unfamiliar name, ‘Maybe… Maybe not. What’s it to you?’. 

‘Idiot!’, Killua broke free from the man’s grip, tearing his shirt in the process. 

You noticed the way that the man’s eyes widen, he obviously didn’t expect Killua to be so strong. 

‘Why would you lie? You know we’re dealing with one of the spiders, right? I told you to run when I say so! What’s wrong with you? Do you want to get yourself killed?’. ‘I was trying to get us out of here! Why do you need to be like this? I’m strong too, you know?’. 

Phinks frowned, trying to grasp what was happening before him. Was it arrogance? Were you two mocking him? Were you trying to distract him? He swiftly looked at the boy he was still holding onto, maybe his expression gave something away. 

‘We’re friends, don’t worry’, Gon smiled while looking at the blonde, ‘They’re always like this’.

‘Enough’, Phinks grabbed Killua’s arm again. ‘Hey, Mr. Sweatpants, I was talking to him!’. 

You froze when you could sense another unfamiliar presence behind you, his aura just as horrible as the man standing before you. 

‘What’s taking so long? Can’t handle a couple of kids? Pakunoda and Machi are already waiting in the car’. ‘I’ve only got two hands Nobunaga’, Phinks smirked, ‘You can take the little girl. Watch out, she’s got an attitude’. 

---

‘Don’t worry your little girlfriend will be fine’, Phinks sighed while sitting down on a stone, ‘Machi and Pakunoda were in the car behind us, they’ll be here soon’. ‘G-girlfriend?’, Killua raised his voice, cheeks red, ‘S-she’s not my-‘. ‘Oh?’, Gon looked with big eyes at his friend, ‘I really thought you liked her’. ‘Why would you think that? You’re as big as an idiot as her!’, Killua pressed his nose against Gon’s, his digit pressed against his head. 

‘Then why are you blushing?’. 

Phinks couldn’t help but let out a small smile at how innocent Gon sounded in contrast to his friend. He tried to grasp how they could be so skilled that they’d managed to track his fellow spiders without them noticing. 

‘Get off me! I can walk myself!’. 

‘There’s your little ray of sunshine’, the blonde massaged his forehead when he could hear your voice again, ‘She never shuts her mouth, does she?’. ‘You get used to it’, Killua and Gon both simultaneously replied. 

‘I know you have the same IQ as Gon, but please don’t say anything about Hisoka’, Killua looked at you, hoping you would be smart enough to pretend you never saw him before. 

‘This one doesn’t know anything about the chain user either’. 

You scanned the room, trying to count how many people were in it. 

‘Huh?’, you smiled when you saw the magician, ‘Hisoka? Is that you?’. 

‘Idiot’, you could hear Killua’s voice in the back of your head.

‘And you are?’, Hisoka smirked while playing with his cards.

All eyes were on the two of you. Everyone seemed to be interested in your relationship with their fellow troupe member. 

‘I took the Hunter exam with you’, you smiled, ‘I wanted to be your friend, remember? Brought you the badge you needed’. ‘Ah yes, I remember. You two were there too’, Hisoka pointed at Gon and Killua. 

---

‘Again’. 

You could see how Gon’s hand started to bleed, little drops of blood falling onto the cold stones underneath him. 

‘K-killua?’.  

The only thing you could see in his eyes was anger. 

‘Killua? I’m scared’. 

A symphony of fear and sadness flooded your eyes. You didn’t want to feel like this, but neither one of you was strong enough to fight off one of the spiders, let alone the bunch of them. 

‘Huh?’. Your soft sobs seemed to pull him out of his trance. Two blue eyes were now staring into yours, ‘Gon’s fine, don’t worry’.

‘A-ai, don’t worry Y/N, it doesn’t hurt’, Gon forced a smile on his face, a determined look in his eyes. 

‘But-‘, ‘Too much noise, need quiet’. 

You froze when you felt someone pulling your arm behind your back, nearly breaking it. 

‘Shut up or I’ll break it’. 

‘Try and I’ll kill you’. 

Killua’s aura completely changed. His usually bright blue eyes went dark, a villainous grin on his face. 

‘Sorry, can’t let that happen’. Two of Hisoka’s long fingers pressed a card against Killua’s neck, keeping him in his place. 

‘Fei stop’. The man they called ‘Nobunaga’ sounded calm, as if it was normal to threaten a child. 

‘Scared, huh?’, Killua’s soft voice grounded you, ‘I always knew you were a scaredy-cat’. 

You knew this was his way of distracting you from what was happening around you, from the pain in your arm. You knew he must be on edge too, with Hisoka threatening him… even so, he wanted you to feel okay, to stay strong. 

‘Tch’, the man behind you – reluctantly – let go of you, pushing you away from him. 

‘Y-Y/N?’, Killua genuinely felt overwhelmed when he felt your hands grabbing around his arm, your head pressed against his shoulder, ‘You know Hisoka’s standing behind me, right?’. 

Ah, there it was again, Killua’s grumpy voice. A sound you grew to adore over the last few months. 

‘Hm, so sweet and innocent’, Hisoka smirked, pulling his card away when he saw Killua’s burning cheeks. 

---

‘Killua? Gon?’, you softly knocked on the door of your friends' hotel room. ‘What’s wrong?’, Gon opened the door, a startled look in his eyes. ‘I-I can’t sleep, I-I’m scared and Leorio won’t answer his door… I think he’s having a party with Zepile’. 

‘Idiot’. You could see Killua sitting on the ground, a smug look on his face. ‘You always sleep in a room together! It’s not fair!’. ‘No need to fight’, Gon once again tried to meddle, ‘You can stay here’. ‘Let’s watch a movie!’, you smiled, immediately jumping on the big bed. 

It didn’t take long for the three of you to be sitting next to each other on the bed. Gon and Killua smiling next to you, eyes flickering with joy. 

‘Oh Killua, I want to be able to fight like that!’, ‘We already do, idiot’.

‘Hm’, you smacked your lips together after yawning, ‘So tired’. 

You didn’t notice the way your head fall onto Killua’s shoulder; you were too tired to wake up from his scoldings. 

‘Oh’, Gon gently tapped on your shoulder, ‘Seems like she’s asleep’. ‘Get her off me! I can’t sleep like this’, Killua looked the other way, hoping Gon wouldn’t notice his cherry-red cheeks. ‘Are you okay? Do you have a fever?’, Gon widened his eyes when he noticed Killua’s red cheeks. ‘W-what? No, I’m fine’, Killua turned his head further away, ‘Let’s just go to sleep, it’s not like we’ll be able to wake her up. You know how she gets once she’s sleeping’. 

---

‘Hey Killua!’, you tried to catch up once you noticed your friends were already walking ahead, ‘I’m hungry’. 

‘Again?! We’ve just entered the game!’, ‘I’m hungry too’, Gon nervously chuckled. ‘Fine! Why’d I even expect to start playing right away when I’ve got you two idiots with me’. 

‘Let’s go there!’, you pulled Gon behind you, ‘Seems cozy’. 

---

‘I’m scared, it’s so dark’, you whispered, hoping your eyes would still adjust some more to the darkness of the night. ‘It’s fine, we’re here’, Gon’s kind voice made sure you felt more at ease. 

‘Eeee!’, you jumped into the air, quickly hiding behind Killua, ‘I-I felt something!’. Your hand grabbed Killua’s, the other wrapped around his arm. ‘H-hey!’, he turned his head to look at you. 

His eyes softened when he could see the way your cute little nose was pressed against his arm, your eyes closed in fear. He felt a sudden warm and fuzzy feeling when he realized you felt safe with him, that you ran towards him to protect you. 

‘D-don’t worry, I’ll protect you’. 

‘H-huh?’, your eyes widened when you could feel Killua’s hand tightening around yours. ‘Don’t worry Y/N. I’ll keep you safe’. You blushed when you could see him smiling at you, ‘T-thanks Killua’. 

You knew your voice must sound fragile, since you felt too embarrassed to talk properly. 

‘Ai! I’ll protect you too!’, Gon appeared next to Killua, his smile as bright as ever, ‘We’re your friends, we’ll always be there for you, no matter what’. 

#killua x reader #fanfiction #fanfic #killua zaoldyek #hxh #hxh spoilers #killua x y/n #killua x you #killua zoldyck #killua zoldyck x reader #hunter x hunter #hunter x hunter x reader #hunter x hunter x y/n #hunter x hunter x you #hunter x hunter fanfic

[sirenjose]

Your thoughts on the Identity Switch

Thanks to you…. I now really like Norton. I used to hate him because I have a vendetta against people taller than my 4’11 self but now I love him.

on another note, what are your thoughts on the Identity switch system? Looking more into Norton’s background specifically makes me wonder why Norton gets a hunter form. What does this represent? I know that there’s a lot of drugs involved but I always interpreted it as them unlocking a new personality or smth, one more attune to following the manor’s games and supervising it (hunter) and like the other just trying to leave (survivor). I’ve been so interested in Norton’s lore lately that now I’m in an existential rabbit hole in how survivors get hunter forms, why that is, and if it’s like some sort of curse or punishment. Why are these survivors getting hunter forms?

soooo many questions, IK. But like reading your theories and analysis at 3Am is my serotonin. As a new player purely interested in the game for its lore I am just excited to know more but can’t wrap my head around all these weird concepts cause, again, I’m new. Also if I spend the next hour reading more of your analysis I will not sleep so therefore I need to preface my curiosity with a timed endeavor. My question probably do3snt make sense but like uhhh yeaaaaa. You should totally make something on your thoughts on identity switch (especially for the survivors gone hunters) cause I am too far in deep into the Norton-Campbell-Fool’s-Gold-Alternate-personality rabbit hole.

I’ve never done the questioning thingy before so sorry if this is not how it works. G’day!

Ah, it makes me happy to think a nobody like me can turn your thinking around on someone. Especially Norton since he was 1 of the main reasons I got started with the lore at all. I'm someone who usually plays a game based on how interesting the story or characters are, so I was interested in learning about idv's lore soon after I joined (had to take quite awhile to figure out the basics of the game and what all the various buttons were, then take some more time to get used to it before I could even get started with the lore). Was the main reason why I went looking to join places like Discord or Reddit, just so I could find people talking about the story.

Started by just understanding what I could about what people said, but then I eventually moved on to trying to understand at least the basics of everyone's backstories (once again, took me awhile to do that ^_^; Especially as I joined before we were getting all that much story at all). While I was doin this, I heard a lot of people saying bad stuff about some character named Norton. Have to admit I didn't know who he was for quite awhile. Wasn't in my radar. Can't even say I cared much for him. But I eventually got to the point where I basically decided I wanted to see if I could determine if Norton really was that bad or not (maybe as a challenge to myself, maybe because I wanted to find out myself rather than just hearing other's opinions, or maybe because I failed to find anything really in-depth about him).

That analysis took a ridiculous amount of time. In part because I ask too many questions, because I'm a perfectionist and wanted to look at every bit of info on him and detail on him, but also somewhat because I ended up writing this like a persuasion piece, and felt the only way to do that was by going through everything to back up my conclusion (whatever my research turned up). Which was also why I analyzed every single essence he had a skin in, as well as any skins not in an essence, his accessories, emotes, etc... It was during that process I actually got attached to Norton. Probably because of how long I spent going through him (no one needs to know how long it took... only the immense joy and desire to collapse I had when I finally finished).

Since then, I've rewritten his analysis... 3 times now I think? Counting after hunter norton's release? Though I've taken down that 1st version due to issues, and haven't reposted my essence analyses as they're old (they were pretty much the 1st analyses I wrote, and I'd like to think I've improved since then) as well as because they're based on the 1st version of my norton analysis... and because they're probably a bit needlessly long and thus embarrassing... Maybe I'll repost them once I get around to rewriting them. I definitely will eventually at least for Soul Catcher's and Magic Item Keeper's essence because I have to say they took longer than almost any other part of that original (complete) norton analysis (i can never forget the trouble they caused me over how long it took to understand them).

ANYWAYS! Ignoring my stupid rambling because who cares about any of that.

I was going to include my answer to your question about Identity Switches but it’s starting to become a little silly in length ^_^; (seriously, for those who know me well enough, I have a bad habit of writing more than I initially intended to once I get started) so I’ll make that a separate post for you, and you can let me know if it answers your questions (once I post it). If not, feel free to ask any more of your questions.

Honestly, the lore is confusing even to those who aren’t new players, so don’t be too hard on yourself if you can’t wrap your head around a lot of this ^_^;

It’s hard for me to imagine my stuff is so good people are willing to read it, much less re-read it. Especially as I know people tend to prefer… shorter things, but I have tendency to be lengthy. I can’t help it though ;’) But thank you so much for the compliment.

And please, I’m still pretty new to Tumblr, so I’m still figuring all this out myself.

Anyways, don’t feel nervous talking to me or asking me any questions you have. I enjoy being helpful! So please, ask whatever you like. Or even if you don’t have a question, that’s ok too. I enjoy rambling about a subject I get started on, as long as the other person can bear with me ;’)

 It’s always nice to know people besides me, myself, and I are reading this stuff.

(Apologies for any errors or nonsense in this post, as I decided to write it without double checking it for errors cuz I felt like being lazy, and I'm still busy writing out my thoughts about Identity Switches for you)

[thephoenixandthecrocodile]

The second week of NaNoWriMo is over and my pace of writing slowed down a bit. I’ve written 21K this week which means I’m still on target for the NaNo goal, as long as my pace picks up in the upcoming week. I’m also only on chapter nine, soooo scared about what the final wordcount for this book is going to be.

Feelings and Assassins

Plotwise, I finally moved on from the Vasily Saga and onto Part II, the Sinner Eaters aka my big bad Demon monarchs. Last update, I was struggling with Sophia’s inability to manage her own emotions and her refusal to communicate with her partners because of her fear that communication would ruin their relationship. Well, we moved on beyond that point, some secrets were shared, lots of tears were shed, and I think Sophia, Yidiresi (also known as Dmitri), and Vasily reached an understanding that could blossom into a romantic relationship again. Hopefully…otherwise I have to rethink a large part of the book. I wanted to do a tragic doomed lovers story but it may turn more into a doomed friendship/queerplatonic relationship, which still works. I think it just changes some mini-details and plot mechanisms, so I guess we’ll see how it develops.

After all the emotional melodrama, we finally moved onto hunting assassins who are hunting Vasily. I had fun drawing this questionable map of the theater where Vasily and his co-conspirators laid a trap.

Demons!!!

We end on a cliffhanger and jump back in time a few months to meet the Sin Eaters. They are three Demons who have proclaimed themselves leaders of the Demon people and are hunting for Vasily because he supposedly has a weapon that can kill God.

There is Rezan (one of his many names), who is the “king” and may be the first Demon aka Shardith, the servant/potential son of God who rebelled and was thrown into the Void. Or he’s just a talented mime/actor/baker who had the misfortune of being turned and is making the best of it.

There is Danijela, a recently turned Demon who is the “queen” and Rezan’s beloved, although I’m still figuring out how devoted they are to each other at this point in the story. Demons don’t retain their memories once they turn, but she has vague flashes of flowers and so she has a soft spot for father arrangements and plants, particularly the white tulip. She is following Rezan’s lead at this point because where else can she go, but I”m still working out her own feelings about what Rezan has in mind.

Finally, there is Yeremi, a recently turned Demon, but he is the werewolf variant of being a Demon whereas Rezan and Danijela are more aristocratic demons. Yeremi is coarse, rude, and extremely violent, but he is completely devoted to Rezan. He will literally do anything Rezan asks of him, even if it means bodily harm and death. Unlike Danijela, I don’t think he’s looking for more than being a Demon and killing.

Technically we’ve already met Rezan in the prologue, but since this is the first time the reader gets to know him on a personal level and get a better sense of his plans and motives, I want to get this introduction scene perfect. I’ve rewritten it three times because I just haven’t figured out the best way to approach the scene. First, I wrote it from the perspective of Timofey interviewing a survivor of the Demon’s attack, but that allowed Timofey to dominate the narrative around the Demons. I thought it was better to have the Demons introduce themselves. So then I tried to rewrite the scene so it was told from Rezan’s perspective, but something is missing. I’m frontloading all the details about what a Demon looks like and is, when I need to introduce the unholy trio and sprinkle the Demon specific details throughout the scene.

The one thing I’m going to have fun playing with is that there are three demons: Rezan, Danijela, and Yeremi and God has three “children” or special servants (depending on which religion you prescribe to): Amal Baris (always God’s Son), Shardith (the fallen servant/sometimes God’s son who creates the Demon people), and Death (sometimes God’s daughter who creates the Shadow people). In fact there are a lot of trios in this book: Rezan, Danijela, and Yeremi; Vasily, Sophia, and Yidiresi; Rashid, Nodira, and Turar; etc. It’ll be fun figuring out what it means and how the Church misinterprets those connections/relations.

So, that’s how my NaNo is going. How is your NaNo going? What are some wins from your first week? What are some of the challenges you’ve encountered? Goals for this week?

#queer writers #writers on tumblr #my writing #demon wip #nano 2022 #nanowrimo #demons #Rezan #Danijela #yeremi #writing update #nano update #writblr

[notbadweird]

What are you most excited to see in Season 3 for Portwell

Easy Portwell as a couple but I’m also super excited to see what Adrian’s character is gonna be like. I made an HQ page for him and it’s caused me to like grow attached to him because he’s a really sweet guy. I remember our convos when he first got hired and I miss them. I’m excited to see Gina with braids and Ej with his messy hair. I remember one of the things that Rooni posted was a pool soooo shirtless Ej 👀? Speaking of Rooni, THEIR ACCOUNT IS GONE and that really worries me like where are you because they weren’t even finished. I’m also excited to see how they are gonna use the play to connect with the kids personal lives. Also JAMIE IS COMING BACK SO I CAN SEE THE HOTNESS THAT IS JORDAN AGAIN!!! I was really worried that because of all the projects he’s doing that he wouldn’t be back but nah Tim made it happen. I’m excited to get new scenarios for my book because I’ve already rewritten many of Tim’s scenes because he messed up a lot so new inspo is exciting. Also how Tim is gonna incorporate Joe and Larry into the season, still sad they aren’t regulars. But the biggest thing is still Portwell. After waiting since season one for them to be together this is such a huge win for me. I’ve shipped many people in my life but they never got together until Portwell so they are extremely special to me and this is about to be a time to remember. I’m also excited to post my reaction videos on insta so if you aren’t following and want to see more of me and how I really am follow @/portwellpassions on insta so you can see all my crazy reactions to each episode. It’s gonna be a wild ride that I’m excited for!!!! Thanks for asking Anon!’

#portwell #gina #gina porter #ej #ej caswell #sofia wylie #matt cornett #hsmtmts #high school musical the musical the series #portwell nation #babe #wonderstudies #couple goals #jordan fisher #first kiss #first date #risotto #i love portwell #portwell endgame #i love them #ej and gina #gina and ej #ej x gina #gina x ej #wildcats #thanks anon! #anon reply #send asks #send anons

[nightwingmyboi]

Bruce firing Dick vs. Dick firing Tim

Soooo, I have seen a lot of people comparing the way that Bruce replaced Dick with Jason versus the way that Dick replaced Tim with Damian. (This happened some on my Batfam Replacement Montage post [x], which is what first brought it to my attention.) For some reason, a lot of people come out of this comparison thinking that Dick was not only just as bad and insensitive as Bruce (if they even think Bruce was in the wrong at all that is) but even that Dick is somehow worse. This legitimately confused the heck out of me. I don’t know if people are reading the same comics as me (though honestly with all the retcons and nonsense going on maybe we aren’t reading the same comics), so I’m just going to break each replacement down for you here and maybe you’ll see where I’m coming from when I think that is completely out of left field. 

Let’s start with Bruce. These panels have Dick (as Nightwing) recounting how things between him and Bruce went down (I’ve rewritten the text just below the image if it is blurry): 

Batman #416 

So while I was still laid up in bed, you dropped the bad news on me. No ifs, ands, or buts...I wasn’t to play Robin anymore. You couldn’t continue to assume the responsibility for a child fighting crime. For six years you trained me to be a crimefighter, then denied me that role. Of course, you assured me that it was for my own good. I lay there with a bandaged shoulder and my life in ruins. You smiled. Kicked a great big hole in my life, then walked out of the room. 

Following an encounter with the Joker, Dick is shot in the shoulder and nearly dies. Instead of comforting Dick, Bruce decides to follow up this traumatic event by firing Dick from Robin immediately. Bruce calls Dick a child, disregarding all the time Dick spent training to become Robin and Dick’s own agency, and basically attempts to kick him out of crimefighting all together. This may not be clear because of the image quality, but Dick literally starts crying in that last panel. But it doesn’t stop there: 

I don’t see what option I had, other than to split. Alfred tried to talk me out of it. It was Alfred who forced money on me so I’d have something to live on. You couldn’t even be bothered to say goodbye. 

Despite his concern for Dick being the motivating factor behind the firing, Bruce doesn’t even seem to be aware that Dick is leaving, and so Alfred is the one that tries to convince Dick to stay in Bruce’s stead. And where is Bruce during all this you may ask??

Sorry, he was busy working on a case at the time. And people wonder why Dick didn’t realize Bruce was doing this out of concern rather than distrust of his capabilities. Anyway, Dick leaves, eventually joins the Titans, and becomes Nightwing. Eighteen whole months pass--a freaking year and a half--and not once does Bruce try to get in touch with Dick to sort things out. Then, Dick finds out about his replacement in the newspaper: 

Bruce fired Dick because he didn’t want a child sidekick. Then he goes out and gets a freaking child sidekick, and, even better, makes him Robin. Robin isn’t just a costume to Dick. In many comics, Dick refers to the Robin role as meaning family, and that’s because Dick specifically crafted Robin as a way to remember his parents. 

Robin Annual #4 and The Titans #16

It doesn’t get much more personal than using your dead mother’s nickname for you and your family’s colors (which across comics are pretty consistently some combo of yellow/green/red) as your hero persona. And Bruce, despite knowing the origins of the costume, felt like he could do whatever he wanted with it. And he didn’t even have the decency to be upfront about it. You can see why this drives me crazy. He spends the rest of the issue beating around the bush and not telling Dick why he adopted Jason and made him Robin, and, in the end, he once again kicks Dick out of the house. Nice parenting Bruce. 

Now with Dick. I’ve seen some people accuse Dick of not talking to Tim and just pulling the Robin mantle right out from under him, but that isn’t really what the comics show us: 

Red Robin #1

Dick tries to talk to Tim about it, and, unlike Bruce, he explicitly states his reasons for giving Damian Robin. He validates Tim, and tells him that they are equals. Even when Tim lashes out, Dick makes it clear that he still wants Tim around, even if it is not as Robin. And, once again unlike Bruce, Dick doesn’t proceed to just abandon Tim when things don’t go his way. He sends Tim’s friends his way and when that doesn’t work, Dick goes to find Tim and try to talk things out in person: 

Red Robin #4

So why doesn’t Tim just tell Dick his theory? That’s because, as much as people apparently want to believe that Tim had the whole thing figured out and it was everyone else’s fault that no one was listening, Tim had no actual evidence whatsoever that Bruce was actually alive. He was kind of in denial about Bruce’s death and all he had was a weak hunch.

Tim rides off without giving any explanations, leaving Dick to deal with all the fallout of Bruce’s “death” by himself. Dick had to abandon everything that he built (Nightwing, his various superhero teams, etc.) in order to take up Bruce’s identity. He had to deal with being Batman, running Wayne Enterprises, and raising Damian (a murderous brat who spent literally all his time insulting and undermining him in those early days), all while managing his own grief. And he had no one but Alfred for support. So maybe he didn’t handle Tim as well as he could have (I don’t really know what he could have done differently but hey if you want to let me know feel free), but I honestly think that under the circumstances he tried his freaking best, which is more than Bruce did for him. And when Tim returns, he immediately expects Dick to put everything on hold to help him, once again without explanation, and what does Dick do?

Red Robin #11

He trusts Tim and puts everything on hold to help Tim out. Even though Tim pretty much left him high and dry when he needed help the most. So yeah, I don’t see where people are coming from when they act like Dick somehow singlehandedly destroyed his relationship with Tim. I don’t understand how Tim could possibly trust Jason (ie the person who very nearly murdered him) more than he trusts Dick (ie the person who mentored and acted as a confidant to him for literal years) in such a short span of time.

In my opinion, Bruce and Dick are not even remotely similar in their actions here. I don’t understand how people who can so readily excuse Bruce for his harsh treatment not be the least bit willing to give Dick some slack when his situation was sooo bad and he tried so hard. 

#dick grayson #bruce wayne #tim drake #damian wayne #jason todd #Alfred Pennyworth #red robin #robin #batman #Dick!Batman #nightwing #long post #my analysis #my meta #the flying graysons #replacement debacle

[vixenargentum]

EXCELLENT NEWS!

Oh my gods.

I was able to buy a connecter to bypass the malfunctioning security settings on an old laptop that had ALL of my WIP drafts.   

Like, you wanna know why most of my WIP fic hasn’t been updated in years?  Like yes, going through school and starting a fulltime job is a time sink.  But...my computer with all of the stuff died, and I didn’t have any cloud storage back then.

Some things just simply can’t be rewritten well.  So I’ve just kind of held onto things knowing that eventually I will have the means and time to rescue everything.

But yes!

I have all of my Szayel-based Kink meme prompt work

I have the full files on “For a Good Time”.

I have 4 chapters + future scene scratch on Sleeper

I have my gigantic Solve et Coagula/UraMayu 100 folders/drafts

I have soooo many translation WIPs and saved doujin downloaded from now defunct livejournal accounts (and RIP Megaupload where so many were stored)

I have all of my character development memes for my RP muses.

I can’t even begin to speak about how relieved I feel.  

And...my new computer will be arriving today!  So I can put everything together on my new Lenovo.   

(I’m done with the high cost but poor reliability of my Surface Book, of which I’ve had 2.  The computer that’s survived the longest of mine and actually still works...is a Lenovo 2 in 1--it’s literally 12 years old and while it’s slow as balls...I can still actually use it.)

#vixen thoughts #you have no idea how relieved I feel #vixen fiction

[criminalshminds]

OMG THAT CLIF HANGER!! This chapter is soooo good!

Hehehe thank you <3

I’ve rewritten this chapter so many times trying to get it to line up to that cliff hanger.  I’m happy you like it!!

#asks #anon #the secret union

[bluestwitch]

Rules: It’s time to 💛 yourselves! Choose your 5 favourite works you created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc.) and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you brought into the 🌍 in 2019. Tag as many writers/artists/etc. as you want (fan or original) so we can spread the 💛 and link each other to awesome works!

I was tagged by @celtics534. As I’m not working today and I need to distract myself from the current situation (hubby and I are Spanish nurses) I thought well, I’ll give it a try.

Trouble is, I’m not a very prolific person, in terms of things I can link. I can’t post all my work on the school parents’ association and it has been huge, and believe me, it’s been nothing related to bake sales. More like fighting for my school so it can have all it needs. I can’t post what I do at my ward. So all I have is one multi chaptered story and a one shot. Soooo:

Diva Dave. I think this is the chapter of What Really Matters that I’m prouder of. I still read it sometimes when I’m in need of mood uplifting. I really wanted something different for the hen party, something with female empowerment and sorority which is what this should be really about, while having fun of course. Plus Davinia’s character just had a life of its own, it came out almost fully formed and I just love him 😍 . And about the boys, I wanted to show that there are a lot of ways to be a man. So he’s a virgin and it’s ok, sex for him is something that comes hand in hand with love and it’s perfectly normal and respectable (and I was tired of fics depicting him as a Casanova)

That Look In His Eyes. My first ever one shot and written in just three days! I don’t think I can ever do it again. I had to post it UnBetaed, it order to submit it to the SIYE challenge. It was precisely @celtics534 who suggested that I should write it. I’m a sucker for pregnancy and birth fics (maternity plays such a big role in my life) and the story was already developed in my mind, but it was very difficult to write nonetheless, and show what a rollercoaster of emotions a birth can be for both parents.

A Wedding To Celebrate. Another WRM chapter; I’m sorry. It’s very special for me because Hinny’s wedding has been written and rewritten a thousand time by more talented writers than me, buuuut... amazing as they were, they simply weren’t my choice for the characters. I wanted a chapter with the right amount of fluff, tastefully done, just a touch of emotion, some laughs and a very, very simple scheme. Not an elopement, but with the bare indispensable things. And I am very proud of the result (and my Beta complimented me about it so I felt over the moon)

The Applause Of Their Loved Ones. My first dance with hubby was Flying Without Wings, too. I love that song so I was dying to include it. This chapter took a lot of research because I’ve never been to an English wedding and we don’t usually do speeches in Spanish ones. Just a lot of eating, drinking and cheering the couple to kiss. And dancing. And did I mention eating? Anyway, after writing Arthur and Harry’s speeches I was exhausted and I knew that Ron’s was going to go unfinished. I had an idea for the interruption but I swear, the story had a mind of its own. Do you know the feeling when inspiration strikes all of a sudden and you can’t stop writing? It was amazing.

Let’s End This Party In Style. Do you know how difficult was for me writing this? I had this chapter in hiatus a lot of days because nothing worthy came to my mind. I knew what I wanted but struggled to put it into words. And then, the final took me ages. In the end, I think it wasn’t bad.

It’s quite embarrassing for me to tag unrelated people, so I will just leave the invitation open!

#hinny fanfic #harry potter fanfiction #what really matters #that look in his eyes

[queen-scribbles]

Character Interview: Adi

Tagged again by @rannadylin​, just open tagging this time

Going with the one and only Adela Tecali this time. ;)

---

name ➔ Adela Tecali, but just about everyone calls me Adi, feel free to do the same.

are you single ➔ (canon) Yep. (Stars Rewritten ‘verse) *smiles with gleeful abandon, wiggles happily* No, no I’m not.

are you happy ➔ Almost always

are you angry ➔ Hardly ever

are your parents still married ➔ Yep, they sure are.

NINE FACTS

birth place ➔ Necazoa, it’s a village in the Ixamitl Plains

hair colour ➔ Straw blonde

eye colour ➔ grey

birthday ➔ 18 Majprima 

mood ➔ Generally? Curious and talkative. 

color scheme ➔ Pale pink, cornflower blue, grey, white, maybe just a little lavender

gender ➔ I’m female

summer or winter ➔ Spring, really, but if those are my only options, Summer.

morning or afternoon ➔ hmmm... *taps a finger to her chin* Morning. Fewer distractions, which make reading easier. But there’s also fewer people to talk to when I find something interesting.... Now I’m not sure!

EIGHT THINGS ABOUT YOUR LOVE LIFE

are you in love ➔ (canon) *bites her lip and shakes her head* Never really had the chance (Stars Rewritten ‘verse) Oh, ridiculously.

do you believe in love at first sight ➔ Nah. Lust or attraction, sure. But you gotta know someone to fall in love with them, and that doesn’t happen at first sight. *snorts* even for ciphers or Watchers.

who ended your last relationship ➔ That would require there to be a last relationship.

have you ever broken someone’s heart ➔ I can’t think of anyone. *shrugs* Doesn’t mean I haven’t, just that they’re real good at keeping secrets....

are you afraid of commitments ➔ No, my struggle is making sure I don’t grab too many at the same time. *laughs and blushes* Oh, you meant romantically. Still no.. 

have you hugged someone within the last week? ➔ Pretty much all my friends within hugging distance, yep.

have you ever had a secret admirer ➔ I don’t think so?

have you ever broken your own heart? ➔ *cocks her head* Y’mean by not going after someone I really wanted or something like that? No.

SIX CHOICES

love or lust ➔ Love

lemonade or iced tea ➔ Both are good, but lemonade’s better cold than tea 

cats or dogs ➔ *wrinkles her nose* I love them both, can I say both again?

a few best friends or many regular friends ➔ I like both, but knife to my throat, I’d go with a few best friends. *laughs* ‘Specially if we can play fast and loose with the definition of the word few.

wild night out or romantic night in ➔ Quiet night in’s much better, romantic’s a plus if you have someone to be romantic with, though wild nights out can be fun on occasion.

day or night ➔ Day! It’s so much easier to read by natural light than candles and such.

FIVE HAVE YOU EVERS

been caught sneaking out ➔ No, I wasn’t really the type to sneak out. Caught a couple of my siblings doing it, though.

fallen down/up the stairs ➔ *narrows her eyes* Have you been talking to Xoti? I didn’t fall, I stumbled, and I caught myself, so it doesn’t count.

wanted something/someone so badly it hurt? ➔ *looks down at her lap* Yeah, but I gave it up in the end. My family needed me, and they’re more important.

wanted to disappear ➔ Nope.

been involved in a fight you thought you couldn’t win ➔ There... there have been a few, yeah. *bites her lip* One of ‘em was really scary, the others were just cutting it kinda close. 

FOUR PREFERENCES

smile or eyes ➔ Oh, eyes. They’re the window to the soul and all that, right? (addition for SR ‘verse) *smiles to herself* And they light up when he smiles, which is even better.

shorter or taller ➔ *snorts and gestures to herself* Do I look like shorter’s EVER gonna be a real possibility?

intelligence or attraction ➔ Well, I mean, I find intelligence attractive, so this doesn’t seem a fair question. But in terms of starting a relationship, he doesn’t need to be brilliant or anything, but I do need to be attracted to him, soooo attraction wins I guess?

hook-up or relationship ➔ Relationship.

FAMILY

do you and your family get along ➔ *she grins* Oh, wonderfully! I”m closest to my oldest brother, Ben, but all of us are on really great terms. I miss them a lot, to be honest.

would you say you have a “messed up life” ➔ No, my life’s been pretty much alright. Some, uh, *coughs and giggles* excitement along the way, but I’ve gotten to see a lot of amazing things I never would’ve otherwise, so it works out in the end.

have you ever ran away from home ➔ Nope, I was always happy there, no need to run away. 

have you ever gotten kicked out ➔ Nope.

FRIENDS

do you secretly hate one of your friends ➔ Nah, I”m a terrible liar, so if I hated someone, they’d figure it out pretty quick 

do you consider all of your friends good friends ➔ All of the ones I spend a lot of time with, yes. 

who is your best friend ➔ Hmmm..... Rekke and Xoti. Oh, and Kana.... I don’t have just one best friend, alright? I can’t help it. I love them all.

who knows everything about you ➔ (canon) Either Xoti or Aloth. I talk to them the most. Well, Aloth’s known me longer, so he might know a few things Xo doesn’t. (SR ‘verse) Heodan’s a really good listener, so I talk to him a lot, and he prob’ly knows just about everything. I don’t really have a lot secrets from anyone, though.

#tagged #character interview #adela tecali #she's such a sunshine bean i love her #also super smitten kitten in her au :D

[nalyra-dreaming]

Book: A blackish red hue

I am offering a printed book version of my story “A blackish red hue“, rewritten and corrected, illustrated and properly set. I did this mostly for myself but some have said they wanted a copy so … 

>>> GET YOUR COPY OVER ON ETSY! 😊

340 pages of Hannigram fanfiction, the Murder Husbands on the run, depicting their lives together after the fall.

An A4, hardcover book with 135 g paper, 47 illustrations and a foreword by my “partner in crime“ (over at @lovecrimebooks) Romina Nikolić.

This book has been made to match RADIANCE and, in extension, the upcoming RAVAGE. Yep, with COLOR CUT*. In blackish red.

Weighing: ~1,6kg

> Which means we are just below the threshold of the so called “book shipping“ weight (with packaging), making international shipping much cheaper. >> 17€, priority handling and tracked in most countries.

All tracked countries here: deutschepost.de/brief-international/land-fuer-land

>> Germany: 5€, internationally 17€ + (priority-which is with) tracking ~ 20€

*****

Content:

A Murder Husbands story, heavy on character development and (hopefully) story, spiced with sex (see rating below).

Not overly fluffy but with a happy ending. (Yep, despite what you might think in between.)

Murder Husbands as in Murder Husbands. With Murder Tableaus. And family. Murder Wives :)

This starts at the motel in TwotL, so there is original dialogue here, reinterpreting the scenes we were given. The story segues into pure fiction after the fall.

>> This story spans several years - it follows Will Graham and Hannibal Lecter after „The Fall“, the ups and downs of this obsessive and difficult relationship, trying to fit the monsters on their backs together. As well as their habits and appetites.

There are lots of turns and not everything is as it may seem at first.

This is my Season 4.

And 5 through 8.

Approximately. :)

This story has been posted and is available on Ao3. It has been, as mentioned before, corrected, some parts rewritten, polished up and properly set, enhanced and improved for this book :)

There are almost 50 artworks in it. Some were gifted to me, some I commissioned and some I created.

Illustrations in it by:

@JustCallMeLuci | Sara Larner saralarner.com | @dark-will-graham​ | @tindu​ | @amngell​ | @transylvanianshipper​ | @noaryr​ | @arkarti​ | @theseavoices​ | @Hachiseiko | @felidaefatigue​ | @hanniwill​ / / Rola | @basementarts​ | @Rocio_ruiz_art | @the-walking-fannibal​ | @bayobayo​ | @thenecronon​ | @wisesnail​ | @vibiana​ | @Moishpain / @sheep-in-clouds​ | @stravvbunnies | @miasmatik​ | @maddsaa | @toni-of-the-trees​ | @le-wendigogo​ | @Skeletology | @shoegazerx​ | @Aerinnnn | @ivyart​ | @mumbrielle​ | @granpappy-winchester​ | @caniday​

(and some by me)

The beautiful cover was created by @granpappy-winchester (original post here!) and @basementarts. 

>> Commission @Granpappy-Winchester here!!

>> Commission @basementarts​ here!!

Btw: I can only recommend commissioning them or any of the other artists! 

Also: Basementarts is offering a discount right now so check them out!

*****

What some critics… erm commenters said:

On Baptism: „OH GOD!

i was just scowling tru Will Graham/Hannibal Lecter fic and saw your fic Salvation and read the summary and thought ‘well this looks good’ and i saw it was a part of a series and thought i might as well start at the beginning to see if its any good!!! i couldn’t even begin to fantom how brilliant and talented you are!!! im only just finished this first one! and i want more more more! and there is more!!! yay me!!! im just going to go and binge read it all!!! no sleep or socializing for me!!!!

thanks for shearing your talent and choosing to express it with Hanagram fics! i truly appreciated it, like im sure many many others do!!!“

Also on Baptism: 

„Ahhhh, this is completely stunning!! So beautifully and elegantly done, it drew me in from the first chapter and refused to let go until the last. Just wonderful. Thank you so much for this gorgeous reading experience.

*Applauds*

Please don’t ever stop writing Nalyra :-)“

On Obfuscation: 

„I’ve just binge-read this whole story. I absolutely loved it!! The balance of power between them is beautifully portrayed. I really enjoy the tenderness between them, and also the pure darkness. It feels like a completely natural progression from the show. I can’t wait to move on to the next installment!“

*****

Characters:

Will Graham, Hannibal Lecter, Alana Bloom, Margot Verger, Verger Baby (Hannibal), Freddie Lounds, Jack Crawford, Chiyoh, Will Graham‘s Father, Clarice Starling, Robertas Lecter, Bedelia Du Maurier, Ardelia Mapp, Matthew Brown, Original Graham-Lecter Children

*****

(some) Tags:

Post-Episode: s03e13 The Wrath of the Lamb | Canon-Typical Violence | Canon Compliant to Canon up until 2018 | Post-Canon to Canon up until 2018 | Original Character(s) | Original Character Death(s) | Explicit Language | Explicit Sexual | First Time | First Kiss | Murder Husbands | Murder Wives | Rough Sex | Angst | Fluff | Blood play | Dream Sex | Branding | Fanart | Honeymoon | Cannibalism | SotL-compliant | Canon Character Death

*****

Rating:

Mature, scratching on explicit, but toned down from Ao3 version. A bit.

*****

Excerpt:

From Baptism:

It takes an indistinct amount of time to get ‘back down to earth‘ as it were. Will is vaguely aware that there is a cramp in his legs, the fingers of his right hand hurt where Hannibal has gripped him too tightly, he is a mess, he hurts between his legs in places he cannot yet define properly and Hannibal - Hannibal is lying on top of him, making it hard to breathe, silently crying into Will’s neck. Will feels the best he can remember.

He carefully dislodges his left arm from Hannibal’s neck, dragging his fingers through the greying hair, petting. His legs drop and he winces, which seems to bring Hannibal back to himself. He raises his head, eyes bloodshot, his voice gravelly. “Will, I… I apologize.“

Will shakes his head slowly and places the fingers of his left hand against Hannibal’s lips. His gaze catches on the ring that Molly placed there and he realizes with a start that it has no place here in this bed. He feels more than sees Hannibal withdraw and quickly shakes his head again trying to placate and communicate his thoughts as clear as possible. “Take it off for me.“

Hannibal freezes above him. The look he levels at him does its best to make Will hard again but he really isn’t that young anymore. Will swallows. Hannibal slowly drags his right hand up at the side of Will‘s body, making him shiver. When he reaches his chest he follows his arm up until he reaches the hand that’s still raised between them. Slowly, very slowly Hannibal starts to push the ring off Will’s finger with his messy hand, never breaking his gaze. Hannibal encloses it in his hand when it’s off and carefully puts it on the nightstand at the other side of the bed. “What about it now?“

Hannibal’s voice is rough and Will knows that the answer he has isn’t what the question was about, but it is the only one he has to give. He tries to say it lightly, keeping his voice low. “Well, you took it from me. So, if we make this work, you’ll have to go and replace it.“

Something breaks in Hannibal’s gaze. There is light and darkness seeping into it in equal measure and it thrills Will to no end to see it. Hannibal’s voice is the roughest he has ever heard it, the accent strong. “I will not let you go, now.“

Will smiles. To everyone else, this would have been a threat. To Will, it’s the conclusion of a courtship that’s lasted six years. He’s been caught, and now he’s free. “Where do we go from here?“

Hannibal nuzzles into the Will’s neck, his words breathed onto sweaty skin. “How about we pay a visit to an old friend?“

*****

Final notes:

>> I don’t make money from this - the price on Etsy consists of the following amounts:

A4 hardcover print with color cut, heavy paper and bookend pages etc: 41€

Packaging: 2€

Etsy fees: 2€

+ Shipping

*IF this book sells 50 copies (in total**) I will be able to get some nice extras (ribbon bookmark, spot glosses at the very least).

** I’m going to order some for myself and a few artists, who preferred the book over monetary payment

Printing will commence after August 10th, 2018, with shipping following right after. Printed at same company that has printed Radiance and will print Ravage.

Books will be in foil and wrapped in bubble wrap and then in the actual packaging for shipment (aka lessons from Radiance. I’ll also check the weather forecast -.-).

IF there is something left when all is said and done I will donate it. Resumé will be posted here.

After August 10th 2018 I will close preorder.

This will be the only edition.

If there are some copies I need to get to reach the minimum to the next „step“ (with more extras) these will become available on Etsy afterwards.

There will NOT be a digital version for sale because I only negotiated with the artists for a printed version.

Soooo.... 🤗

Hope you like!!! 💕

#hannibal #hannigram #fanfiction #story #book #a blackish red hue #my story #my book #fannibals #fannibal family #hannibal lecter #will graham #alana bloom #margot verger #jack crawford #clarice starling #robertas lecter #steven graham #morgan verger #my season 4

[femsff]

4, 8, 11, 13, 23, 30, 34, 38 :)

Oooh, awesome! Thanks. 

I’ve included already answered ones below.

A Writer’s Ask Game

agwitow:

Send me an ask with the number(s) you’d like me to answer!

The Basics1.     Do you listen to music when you write?2.     Are you a pantser or plotter?

Started out as a pantser but after a few fic, I decided to give plotting a try. Am now a fully committed plotter.

3.     Computer or pen and paper?

Definitely computer. My fingers tend to cramp up even when I write a little bit and when I write a page or so in a notebook (I often carry a notebook with me when I go somewhere but don’t want to drag the laptop with me), about 3/4th of it illegible to anyone who isn’t me. In a way, that’s a good thing I suppose considering some of my smuttier fics, but overall it’s just a pain. And I always get disappointed when I get around to typing out the notes because it looks like a lot more when written out!

4.     Have you ever been published, or do you want to be published?

No, I have never been published. Maybe one day I’ll try my hand at it, but right now I don’t feel like my writing is “good enough” yet. No idea for an original novel either.

5.     How much writing do you get done on an average day?6.     Single or multiple POV?7.     Standalone or series?8.     Oldest WIP

Oldest WIP I’ve written for or does plotting also count? If it’s just written, then it’s probably my abandoned Down the Rabbit Hole (FFnet | AO3). I just... got stuck. And it was so incredibly frustrating and really stopped me from enjoying anything fic-related that I finally just said to hell with it and dropped it. I just checked and I stopped working on it in 2013... I still have the outline and everything though, so who knows?

9.     Current WIP10.  Do you set yourself deadlines?

The Specifics11.  Books and/or authors who influenced you the most

To be honest, I have no idea. I don’t know, maybe I’m rare but I’ve never been one of those people who held specific authors up as their ideal. I used to read a lot of books (nowadays less so, because 1) am adult and have to adult and 2) because I read fanfic and often would rather write my own fic than read a book) and have some favorites  (all fiction) but nothing that really stands out.

12.  Describe your perfect writing space13.  Describe your writing process from idea to polished

Hahaha! Are you sure you want to know?

Okay, so I get an idea. Often when I’m half asleep/dozing, in the shower or just doing something mindlessly. The ideas are usually specific scenes that I can see play out in my head, but occasionally it’s just a conversation/some dialogue. If I like it, I’ll try to force more by really focusing on it. If the muse wishes it, that tends to work. I’m rarely super excited about an idea that I’ll start working on it right away, and prefer to let it roll around for a while. See if it keeps popping up and more details are added. If it’s worth my time and energy, I suppose.

Once that happens, I’ll start writing down notes. I use OneNote to organize my fic ideas/plotting and have one notebook that’s simply for ideas; one section per idea and depending on the idea, it’ll just be a stream of consciousness (often peppered with questions for myself) or a bit more organized in different pages. Again, depending on how excited I am about the idea, this can be done in a day or it can take weeks/months where I’ll occasionally add some info.

Then, when I feel like I want to work on it some more, I’ll start to delve into the details. When is it set? What’s the beginning, middle and end? Which events do I want include but have no idea where yet? Is there specific dialogue or are there actions I want to maybe include at one point? If it’s an AU, AR or AT, I’ll start working on the differences from canon (who is in it, what’s their role, how does it deviate from canon). How long do I think this fic will be? I need to set a max number of chapters for myself, otherwise the story will just keep growing and I’ll keep adding stuff and in the end it’ll read like I just came up with more and more stuff simply so I wouldn’t have to end the story, rather than telling the story I wanted to tell in the beginning. 

Anyway, I start creating pages for the chapters and fill in the few things I already know. At this point I often also involve my beta and discuss the fic idea with her. Everything from that conversation goes into the ‘brainstorm’ section and I’ll work on the questions and suggestions that arose during the conversation. Then, I’ll start focusing on filling up the chapters with general outlines. That can be anything from “scene 1 Sam telling Jack (Sam pov); scene 2 introspection about changes (Jack pov)” to a paragraphed summary or even a scene completely written out. Sometimes it’s just “some shippy stuff here”, to let me know that at one point I need to lighten it up or bring them closer together. I go over all the chapter pages that way, but don’t necessarily fill them all out. I also make one page with a chapter overview, which is usually the numbered chapters with one or two lines about the content so I can see in one quick glance which things need working on. 

More thinking on the fic idea, sometimes even when sleeping and brainstorming with the beta usually follows, which in turn results in adding more details. The chapter pages get more specifics or maybe a “don’t forget to mention [character]”  or “now [# weeks] pregnant, mention that/include symptoms”. Also, depending on the story idea, I might need to do research. That can be canon/fanon stuff, but also scientific stuff, maybe a different language, create background information for original/rarely used canonical  characters, timeline, locations, RL world events, and so on. That also gets included in the notebook and, at some point, added to the relevant chapter.

Once my outlining is done and I feel comfortable to start  writing, I tend to just create a master document and start writing. Now, that’s not to say my whole outline is complete or that it’s something I must strictly adhere to. Additions and changes are made all the time, sometimes I’ll get stuck or realize a scene doesn’t work the way I envisioned it or the beta tells me something is missing. So, I go back to the notes and work on it. Then I go back to the fic and write, write, write.

Oh and I usually ask the beta to go over a chapter once I’ve finished writing it (or, if I’m stuck in a scene, I’ll ask her to look at it right away) and then I’ll go over the feedback, make changes, possibly discuss some of the things she mentioned, do some more editing and then I’ll go to the next chapter and write some more.

14.  How do you deal with self-doubts?15.  How do you deal with writer’s block?16.  How many drafts do you need until you’re satisfied with a project?17.  What writing habits or rituals do you have?

Hmm. I’m not sure? I do know that when I’m stuck I tend to make a fruit salad or get snacks out in the hopes of it resulting in the required brainpower to keep going.

18.  If you could collaborate with anyone, who would it be, and what would you write about?19.  How do you keep yourself motivated?20.  How many WIPs and story ideas do you have?

The Favourites21.  Who is/are your favourite character(s) to write?22.  Who is/are your favourite pairing(s) to write?23.  Favourite author

I don’t think I really have a favorite author... I don’t like non-fiction, I always read fiction and often thrillers. Some of the books I always order and often reread are ones by Jilliane Hoffman and Ingrid Black.

As for fic, see my favorites/bookmarks on my profile on FFnet/AO3.

24.  Favourite genre to write and read25.  Favourite part of writing

Ooh, difficult to choose. I really love doing the research and plotting, but I think the best part of writing is ending up with the story you imagined before you even ‘put pen to to paper’. Also, managing to convey the emotions through the writing - like when a reader comments with how they also teared up, they had to stop reading a few times to catch their breath/get a grip on their emotions or were just overwhelmed by it all. That’s pretty neat.

26.  Favourite writing program27.  Favourite line/scene28.  Favourite side character29.  Favourite villain30.  Favourite idea you haven’t started on yet

I have quite a few fic ideas I haven’t started writing yet. Not sure I can choose one. But one that I’ve had for a long time, like ~6 years, and even started writing on (but then discarded that because it wasn’t a good opening) is for Woman In Blue. It’s a first-person fic, a style I actually kinda hate and would probably back-button right away if I saw one of my favorite authors use in a new fic... anyway, it’s Mark Carter in first person, writing about Sam (and to a smaller extent, Jack) and all the things he learned about her life after her death - she and Jack died in a blaze of glory, defending Earth against a Replicator attack that also prompted Disclosure.

The Dark31.  Least favourite part of writing32.  Most difficult character to write33.  Have you ever killed a main character?34.  What was the hardest scene you ever had to write?

There are so many scenes I’ve struggled with, most recently in Unmade Plans (chapter 8 specifically, that one really was a fight and I’ve rewritten it probably a dozen times) but the hardest was probably the Sam/Klorel scene in Only the Stubborn Survive. Those of you who’ve read the fic will know which scene I mean.

35.  What scene/story are you least looking forward to writing?

The Fun36.  Last sentence you wrote37.  First sentence or your current WIP38.  Weirdest story idea you’ve ever had

I’m not quite sure. A lot of them start out as weird ideas! The end result as you see them are soooo different. Maybe Consequences of Being Touched, because there were quite a few risque scenes in there?

39.  Weirdest character concept you’ve ever had40.  Share some backstory for one of your characters

The Rest of It41.  Any advice for new/beginning/young writers?42.  How do you feel about love triangles?43.  What do you do if/when characters don’t follow the outline?

It depends on the situation and the outline. I’ve thrown outlines out of the window at times because something else turned out to work much better once you actually reach that point in your story, but I’ve also rewritten a scene a dozen times before I got it exactly the way I wanted it in the outline.

44.  How much research do you do?45.  How much world building do you do?46.  Do you reread your own stories?47.  Best way to procrastinate48.  What’s the most self-insert character/scene you’ve ever written?49.  Which character would you most want to be friends with, if they were real?50.  [Other question—ask me anything]

Well, those were fun but also tricky! Guess I shouldn’t have skimmed the list before rb’ing, haha. No just kidding, I loved answering them. Thanks!

#writer's ask game #writing #fanfiction #me #rl #thank you for playing #london88blog

[riskeith]

hii!

manifesting xiao for you!!!!! it surely will be worth it after all that wait and all those rolls shsjdhsj <3 you’ll probably upgrade him and his weapons and talents and all that right away too, huh? spilling all your recourses on one stotic lil boy 👅 (can’t say i blame ya he deserves it) FUNNY YOU MENTION THAT when i did the guiding light seal puzzle before the stormterror battle i accidentally forgot to change kaeya’s weapon to the ones i’ve upgraded so he was stuck with the dull sword and i was like why the FUCK doesn’t he do any damage and then it hit me . yikes 😬 Lmao has that ever happened to you?

oh really? reading all of that makes it seem like we’re in the bad end of the stick dhdhdjdjfh but you made me curious to try it out tbh... now where could i get a hold on a pc..... hm

yeah omg you’ve gotten so far now i can’t imagine how bizarre it would be to revert back to giving like 10 dmg and facing level 3 villains lmao still sometimes even i find myself missing the early days things weren’t as stressful then ): do you?

school did start which is why haikyuu is perfect!! it’s been keeping me very warm and happy tbh... 🥺 you know something i noticed this time watching is that kagehina are Always around each other. i honestly don’t remember them doing that but watching now it’s like at almost every scene they are either standing next to each other or showing up to the other’s scene and it’s like??? damn???? y’all live like this? idk if that changes in future eps but right now it’s Constant. i love it.

dude i’m such a nostalgia person i’m always up for a trip to the good ol’ days bc sometimes you just gotta go back to things for your own sake. but fun Fact i started watching voltron after it ended so i missed so much of the hype while it was ongoing.. literally came into it while it was a goddamn mess. i knew that klance wouldn’t be canon but watching i couldn’t help but hope... how was it stanning while it was ongoing?

(you saying that reminds me of the what if we kissed meme..... what if we kissed in the genshin co-op mode 😳 anyway you’re at such a high level idk how much i could help you... i suppose we could just run around but yeah i do play in europe... 😭)

RED AND BLUE GAYS!!!!!! RED AND BLUE GAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! the purple light were mega gay like hello????? especially since lance is bi and it was Him that said the line and hfjdhdhsjdjdhdj fuck ! i’m so sad now ever since we started talking about them i’ve just been missing them sooooo much it’s crazy... KEITH DESERVES THE UNIVERSE he’s so sweet and caring in his own way and he grew so much like compare s8 keith with s1 keith and see!!!! he matured so much and god . at least he’s helping the galaxy with his lesbians now

dude i wanted to say that but i was scared it was an unpopular opinion.... hunk and pidge could be so mean to him sometimes for no reason or just shoo him aside and no??? don’t do that to your friend????? it irked me sometimes bc you could see that he got upset about it but he felt like he had no one to turn to 😭😭😭😭😭 kms but keith. keith is good.

THE I LOVE YOU SCENE did it also take you sooo much by surprise like i remember watching and just going AAAAAA??????!!!??!!?? and the art???? mister anime keith kogane?????? it was so beautiful and so perfect and so sad ughhhhhhh funny how keith has 2 out of the three i love you scenes on voltron even tho he’s the stotic type .

i’m thinking but honestly all i want is some fluffy angst... a punch in the gut with some final kissing . i love fics that rewrite the sunset scene always chefs kiss... or you know how in season 7 for some reason they always called out for each other first? like when lance has his crashing scene keith yells out lance come in twice??? or when they are stuck in the galra prison and they yell out each other’s names???? idk something about that would be amazing to read???? ok i rambled idk rewritten canon klance is just Mwah... OH IM SO EXCITED TO READ THOSE SNIPPETS EEEEEEE :DDDDDD TY FOR SENDING THAT

i’m soooo glad you liked the fanart when i saw it i HAD to send it your way... it’s the little bois in their animal hats 😭😭🥺 i love them so much it’s soooooo cute 😭😭 i’ve been stalking the original tweet and there’s some other version and they’re super adorable too 😭😭😭😭😭😭

hope you had a wonderful day today + yesterday... take care <333

hey heyyyy~

actually i don’t think i have many resources to give him bc im focusing on levelling up my team for the ascension rn FJKHDSKFHSDKJFHSDK but for sure i will do it... anything for him 😩 AHAHAH nooooo but yes ! during the chalk prince dragon event i used festering desire in dragonspine but my higher levelled sword everywhere else, but sometiems i forgot to switch back and was stuck with shit damage 💀

yeah actually i see a lot of poeple complain about not being able to do missions on mobile either (or having a really hard time with it) fskjhfksj but there are for sure people who would think mobile is better so 🤷‍♀️ to each their own! ahah does anyone in your family have a windows laptop/pc? steal borrow it 🤪

i definitely miss the easier days!! it’s fun going to an area with lower level enemies bc i defeat them so easily.. but then again their drops also aren’t as good so you trade one thing for another i guess lol

ikr?!?!?? like we get it you’re inseparable omg.. it’s so cute when they go seek out asahi as well and hinata hides behind kageyama and then points and at him like he’s showing him off.. lives in my mind rent free 😌

oh i see!!! that’s so brave of you omg you knew all that and still decided to give it a shot? fshfkdsjf. it was. insane. like talking about the positives only, it was just everyone going crazy every time there was a single hint of klance is canon king and just ugh. it was all so exciting and hype and like the energy you know?? especially when there were conventions where they were revealing trailers or new info wow tumblr was buzzing.. (reminds me of when klance was top ship.......) i miss that kinda environment tbh! but also now that i’m in uni i don’t think i’d have the energy to keep up fhskfjds

(WHAT IF WE KISSED!! IN GENSHIN CO-OP!! HAHA JK... UNLESS?! that’s so funny fskdj but i wish 😔😩 makes a second reroll account just for this? HAHAAH. and noooo even if we didn’t do anything i feel like it’d be so fun just running around hfkdsjs. and maybe i could carry you w your quests it’s always been my dream to help someone out like my brother can just come into my world and one-shot enemies 😩 but maybe some day!! cross-server will happen)

:((((((((((( S1 KEITH AND S8 KEITH THE GROWTH AND DEVELOPMENT 😭😭😭😭 keith went from being a lone wolf expelled from the garrison to finding his MOTHER!! AND THE BESTEST SPACE WOLF DOGGO!! AND LEADING A FKN ITNERGALACTIC ORGANISATION!~!!!eASKJDHSAFHEHFSDIUHSAZODUQWEQWYRHIASKJDNCSOUADHB. marmora!keith............. both a blessing and a curse.... but that uniform tho 🥵

i cried!!! so much watching that scene lmao!!! can’t remember how i felt at the time but i was probably also surpirsed.. and ikr? that’s poetry in its own tbh we love that keith said the most ‘expressive’ and ‘emotional’ lines the most

sunset scene... sunset scene!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! omg yeah them just calling out for each other’s names first like??? explain please?? omg also remember when keith chose lance in the quiz.. AND LANCE CALLED KEITH THE FUTURE? FUCKING EXPLAIN???????? WHAT THE FUCK!!!!! there is no heterosexual explanation. okay but now that you’ve put sunset scene in my head... either rewrite where lance was looking for keith to confess to him bc they were going back to space and he wanted to get it out or.. in the future where klance are together and lance has a dream about it and suddenly realises wait. did keith already like me back then. and then they talk about it ... hmmmmm . AND WOOOO NO PROBLEM!! HOPE YOU ENJOY <33

i def have to look at the other versions!!! honestly this meme is kinda the best thing out there rn so many cute baby renditions of charas.. blessed!! i love them all sm...

thank you!! hope yours have been great too, and school is treating you well :**

#marriage anon #wowclunaanswers #long post

[veronicadvalle]

God I hate when B*rchie fans act like only B*rchie was canon/iconic in the comics. First of all there's nothing "iconic" about Betty being Archie's second, third, fourth choice ALL THE TIME and him only going to her when he can't have Veronica, and secondly it's called an iconic LOVE TRIANGLE for a reason. Varchie was also canon, if not more so than B*rchie because Ronnie was who he was always chasing.

HONESTLY THO! 

That love triangle is not something to be proud of. it’s not something to uphold as your reason why a pairing is soooo iconic. Please, do not rely on the Digest!love triangle as the base for your argument in regards to any pairing. It’s just … not good rhetoric, first of all; nor is it substantial in today’s society. it just doesn’t work. it’s not a good look. It’s a disservice to nearly every character (considering that their reboot character are 100x better). I would give digest!varchie a tiny pass because Veronica was the “modern/independent” women trope but other then that, she was painted as a bitch (sometimes, it was a good kind of bitch™; but most of the time it … was not a good look for her either). 

I’ve always said b/rchie would work if it’s rewritten and depending in context. I personally don’t think it would work in Riverdale (considering the pilot), but that’s my opinion. And definitely wouldn’t go back to the digests comics as why this pairing is so “iconic” because Betty was treated like shit. I think Archie 2015 (at first) had a great interpretation of b/rchie to be honest (up until that break up, which even then, you sympathize with both characters). 

In general, the argument that ‘b/rchie was canon in the comics’ is flimsy. There was no real establish canon. Archie ‘married’ Betty as many times has he had ‘married’ Veronica. So yeah, any argument that falls back to the comics is flimsy at best. And thank god, RD isn’t going back to that. I don’t want to see the same love triangle done again. 

I think most reboots nowadays are chsosing which pairing to pursue and establish. In Afterlife w/ Archie, he marries Betty. In Riverdale, he dates Veronica. If they want b/rchie so bad, read a comic that does b/rchie. But don’t demand it. 

#ask #anon #answered #...i don't want to start too much discourse btw

[nagiru]

CLAMP drabbles (1/5)

I’ve kind of run out of fandoms I actually posted... lots os stories to (I have 83 stories posted on my account; of those, I have 37 in well defined fandoms... the rest is just. Tossed around. A sprinkle here and there and wherever else it lands). Soooo... I’ve decided to move on to the broad collection of works I called the “CLAMP related drabbles” for the simple fact they are... exactly that.

Since there are 15 stories in that series, and they are not even remotely related to each other, I’m... working today with 3. And will do that 4 other times. 3 stories a day.

So, today we have... the Tokyo Babylon stories! Mirror, Cigarettes and The ashes of who I used to be, all focused on my darling little Subaru. Prepare yourselves for the angst.

So. Yes. CLAMP drabbles (specifically, for today, Tokyo Babylon ones). That means they are all quite short (though, curiously enough, the longest drabble in this collection is for Tokyo Babylon; Cigarettes is 625 words long!), and... ahhh... they are all canon compliant. Including all the drama that is so typical for CLAMP.

OHHHH, and they were... all? most of them?... written in First Person Narrator, because I had an easier time writing that way, back when -- I first wrote these stories in 2013, in Portuguese...which is my native language..., and and have since edited/rewritten and translated them... but I maintained some stylistic things from the originals so long gone, now, because of emotional reasons. So, yes, many of these are written in First Person Narrator. Sorry for those who don’t like it.

Well! So! Today I bring you my random thoughts on Tokyo Babylon (and X/1999, but specifically those surrounding Sumeragi Subaru, my darling little boy I love to torture).

Mirror was the first I wrote (out of all the drabbles, really; even back when I was writing them in Portuguese), and differs from the other two by the fact that it is focused on both Subaru and Hokuto. Not even a quick peek at Seishiro, this time around, wow. Congrats me!

So, Mirror is a study on the relationship between Subaru and Hokuto, which I absolutely loved (I mean, I loved Tokyo Babylon as a whole; I read it three times -- cried all three --, have all the volumes of this mangá stored lovingly on the shelves of my bedroom and everything...). To begin with, they were twins, and when I was younger (back when I first read the mangá, for example), I had this obsession with twin characters. Don’t know why, just had. So, Mirror was... built upon what we saw from the Sumeragi twins, and from what we had of Hokuto, because I love her and what happened to her was a shame.

(beautiful, because it broke Subaru... did I mention the fact that, besides having a thing for twins, I also used to have this absolute love for bad romances? Because I had... but a shame, nonetheless)

So. We have Mirror on those two... and then we have Cigarettes. Which is another Subaru-centric story, but this time the focus is on his relationship with Seishiro post-Tokyo Babylon and it’s... a whole level of angst and suffering that appeals a lot to me.

Cigarettes bring a canon compliant look on their relationship right after Tokyo Babylon. Since it’s canon compliant, the relationship brought in this drabble - the one between Sei and Subaru, I mean - is clearly unhealthy... because that’s how CLAMP wrote them, tbh.

Cigarettes focus on the impacts Seishiro had over Subaru... all the ways he took over Subaru’s life... and it’s painful. It’s awful. It was brilliant to write, honestly, because I love making Subaru suffer... but, yes. Like, the summary I ended with literally begins with:

Seishiro took over Subaru's life like a disease, one day at a time

Could it be more specific??? Probably, tbf, but I’m awful at writing summaries, so... maybe not. Still, that’s a good summary of this drabble, so... yeah. Ohhh, and this drabble also has some... Warnings? Like, it talks about smoking... possibly underage smoking (I’m not too sure how old Subaru is, in this?), and mentions of... possibly underage relationship, too. And of a very obviously unhealthy relationship, at that.

Anyway. Moving on!

We also have The ashes of who I used to be (title coming from Angel On Fire, by Halsey, because the song is beautiful and the lyrics fit well). It’s another canon compliant view on the relationship between Subaru and Seishiro... except this one is during/after X, instead of Tokyo Babylon. That... might up the drama to 1000, honestly.

ashes is a canon compliant retelling of those last few moments between Subaru and Seishiro in X, and wow did I try to make this angsty. I could possibly rewrite all of these stories into an even angstier version of them, if I tried, but, like. It wasn’t the intention, originally, so this is... very, very angsty for what I had planned, wtf.

In ashes we see a Subaru who is... (Trigger Warnings!) quite depressed, with severely suicidal thoughts, and just... just done with life. This story is basically about a suicide attempt that ended badly, so. Yeah. We have Depression, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt and Main Character Death, all wrapped up in slightly less than 500 words. Impressive!

So. That’s it. Those are the three Subaru-centred stories I had, and, wow. I rewrote them 2 years ago, already. It’s... been a while since I did anything CLAMP-related, huh...

Anyway. For those who have interest in CLAMP works, you can also see the whole of the series, if you want. I’ll also be bringing comments on the other stories I wrote for this series, so... stay tuned, if you don’t actually want to read the stories, just... this? For whatever reason? Yeah, anyway. Until tomorrow!

#my fics #CLAMP #Tokyo Babylon #X/1999 #Sumeragi Subaru #Sakurazuka Seishirou #tw: depression #tw: suicide attempt #tw: suicidal thoughts #tw: main character death #tw: smoking #SeiSuba #Sumeragi Hokuto