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imaginebeautifulworlds · 4 months

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Loved By Seven | Chapter 5

Genre: Hybrid!AU, Poly!AU, Mate!AU, romance, fluff

Pairing: OT7 x Reader

Characters: Human!Reader, Peacock!Seokjin, Serpent!Yoongi, Hawk!Hoseok, White Tiger!Namjoon, Merman!Jimin, Leopard!Taehyung, Wolf!Jungkook

Summary: Hiking was just an activity to get you out of the apartment, the last thing you imagined was ending in a whole different world by touching a jewel. That not being enough you end up meeting seven hybrids, and they all claim you shared the Connection with each of them making you their partner for life.

Notes: Hi! This is the first part of the 200 followers celebration, the fifth chapter of this story; the second part is a one shot from my masterlist, I already have one in mind that I hope you'll like it. If you have any idea for what I should do when we hit 300 followers you can leave an ask. Thank you so much for the love the seires has been receiving, I'll try to mantain the same rhythm for the updates. Likes, reblogs, comments are always appreciated. English is not my first language so pardon me if anything is misspelled or grammatically incorrect. Also the main idea came from a webtoon but I can’t remember it’s name. Enjoy!

With Taehyung at work and full from breakfast, you and Jiwoo explore the apartment and now you know it's way bigger than you imagine it; which makes you think that here getting a place to live is cheaper than in your world or Taehyung makes a lot of money What can be his job? I mean it definitely allows him to live quite well. You find out there are four rooms, the main one (the one you basically throw him out of), two guest rooms (with a bathroom each) and a huge library; aside from a big kitchen, the dining room, a grand living room and a laundry room. "Wow you're boyfriend lives quite good N/N" "He's not my boyfriend!" "Yet" Jiwoo chuckles at your bright face "But I do wonder what his job is" "Or the real state here is better than ours" Jiwoo adds.

Checking exploring the apartment on your list, you guys go back to the main room to take a shower "Hey Ji, can you help me unwrap this? So I can take a shower" "Sure" she sits down on the bed next to your ankle and starts taking off the bandage. With the bandage off, she goes to the drawer your clothes are in and takes the only stuff you have left "Well, we should use that washing machine we found otherwise we won't have anything to wear" Jiwoo says, taking out her clothes, and you nod at her words. Before going to get you, she puts your clothes on top of, what she thinks is, a shelf to organize your clothes to put them on after a shower or a bath Damn this is rich people type of stuff; and takes out a towel from a drawer in front of the sink.

"Let's go" Jiwoo exits the bathroom and helps you up, to hop to the bathroom; once inside you take oof your clothes, relive yourself on the toilet and enter the shower It would be nice to take a bath but I don't want to impose more than I already have. I'm sorry Taehyung I'm using your stuff again you think when you pick up a bottle of shampoo and start massaging your scalp, rinsing it out, you pick up a gel shower bottle and start spreading it on your body, but by doing that your thoughts go to the fact that you're in the same place where Taehyung's been naked just like you're now No no no no F/N don't think stuff like that, you're taking advantage of his kindness by thinking that you cover your red face with your face, and rinse all soap as fast as you can, with cold water.

With your feet really dry, to prevent more sprained ankles, you hop to where your clothes are and hop again towards the toilet to sit and dress yourself like you undressed the night before, sited. Already dressed, you hop to the sink and wash your face with Taehyung's face soap, rinse it and apply his moisturizer. You open the door and Jiwoo's waiting for you at the end of the bed to help you hop to the bed. She sit next to you to help you bandage your walk but you say with a smile "Jiwoo go wash yourself up, I got this" "Are you sure?" "Yeah, go" you point with your head towards the bathroom "Okay". By yourself, you apply the ointment and try to wrap up your ankle, it's not as good as how the doctor did but it's tight That's the important thing right? For the bandage to be tight no matter how it's wrapped up.

A few minutes later, Jiwoo's done with showering and asks, "Well, what we do now? There's nothing to eat, and there's nothing to do" "Well, we can't go out. We don't have keys, we don't know this city. As for food, we'll just have to wait until he comes back. He must have a TV somewhere, and we have to wash our clothes and the dishes from breakfast. " You two exit the room with your clothes on hand "Okay. I'll leave you at the laundry room and I'll go to wash the dishes" Jiwoo says "Deal" and you hop to the laundry room.

Jiwoo leaves you, and now you're in front of two very advanced machines Okay, I can do this, if I cracked the old washing machine at our place I can figure this ones out. You read what it says on the buttons, and look around in hopes to find a manual, which luckily you do Oh well, it's definitely easier than ours you also spot a laundry basket kinda full I should also wash his clothes, as a thank you for all the troubles you smile when picking out his clothes and putting them inside, by doing it you smell something delicious, curious by the source of the smell you bring a t-shirt to your nose it smells like white chocolate Maybe he ate something covered in white chocolate and the shirt got impregnated with the smell leaving it at that you finish with the clothes and start the machine, the cycle spends an hour washing the clothes.

Knowing it would be better to wait for Jiwoo you sit on the floor, trying not to put pressure on your ankle. After another 10 minutes Jiwoo makes an appearance "Ooohhh, you made it work" "Yeah, Taehyung left the manual handy and it was very easy, at least easier than the one at home" you chuckle "That darn thing" she grumbles "How about I leave you at the living room and when this is done I come and pass the clothes to the dryer" "I'm gonna take the offer for the lift but I want to finish the entire chore, otherwise I'll die from boredom" you pout at her "Okay" she chuckles.

Hopping to the living you still don't see anything to entertain yourselves with, not even a TV "Does he not have a TV here? Are there no TVs in this world?" Jiwoo asks scared "I don't think there aren't any TVs here I mean our worlds are pretty identical so maybe he doesn't have one because he doesn't like it" you conclude. Sitting on the couch looking at ceiling, an idea popped on your mind "Can you help me get to the library? Maybe I can find an interesting book there" "Okay, let's go", you support one of your arms around her shoulder and her towards said room.

Inside, you find a comfortable egg chair next to a large window with a beautiful city view and a big comfortable sofa which Jiwoo has already eyes on it. She plops down on the sofa "Don't you want a book?" you ask her "No, I think I'll just let dreamland call me" "Okay" you answer looking through the shelves Maybe we do have things in common, he has rows and rows of fantasy and sci-fi books you smile passing your fingers through the books' spines Apparently he also likes photography maybe it's a hobby of his you think when you see a few books on that subject.

With a book on hand, you sit on the egg chair and start reading. You're so engrossed in the story you almost didn't hear an alarm going off Wow the hour is already up you turn the chair to look at Jiwoo, but find her asleep so soundly she's snoring a little bit. Not wanting to wake her up you decide to hop by yourself to the laundry room. You support yourself with the hall walls, and hop by hop you get to your destination. Pulling out you girl's clothes and his clothes from the washing machine, without paying much attention at the white chocolate smell, you put them inside the dryer, you read the labels on it and a some information from the manual and turn it on Okay another two hours of waiting you think, leaving everything set you hop back to the library.

Inside the library, you see Jiwoo still sleeping and hop back to the comfy chair you were in. The book in your hands has you really engrossed This book is really good, I mean for obvious reasons I've never heard about the author nor the plot, but if this is a series and it's not finished and I leave miraculously back to my world I'll cry you almost hug the book from your thoughts. You keep on reading until that faint alarm is on again. Knowing is from the dryer you get up, hop to see Jiwoo This girl is sleeping way too much…or maybe she's faking it you touch her shoulder with tiny force but that only makes her turn around and wave her hand at you She's so cute you chuckle. Hopping to the library you see a watch on the wall Wow it's almost noon, I'm gonna feel hunger in any moment you pout but continue hoping to the laundry room.

You take out all the clothes and put them in a basket labeled "Clean" with coffee dots around the letters Cute you smile at the mental image of a Taehyung labeling baskets. With basket in hand, you decide it's way too far for you to hop to the library, besides your foot's been hurting a little bit from all the hopping around, so you settle for the living room. You sit on the biggest sofa, from the three available, and pull the table on the center towards you so you could have a place to elevate your foot, already settled you start folding the clothes and putting them in piles next to you on the sofa Ignore Taehyung's underwear, just ignore it, just like you've been ignoring the white chocolate smell all morning. Folding the last shirt you hear ruckus on the door and suddenly a Taehyung filled with bags comes into view once the door is open "I'm home".

"OMG Taehyung, let me help you" you try to rush, but accidentally you stand up with both feet and winced Well if it wasn't hurting before now it definitely is and quickly sit down again. Taehyung watching this closes the door as fast as he can, and runs to you leaving the bags in the sofa next to where you are, and one in particular he leaves it on top of the table "Beautiful you can't do that, you'll hurt your ankle more" he crouches next to you, only the point of his tail moving slowly "Did Jiwoo bandage you? Because it got loose" he looks up at you, with those big brown eyes of him leaving you breathless for a moment, and starts wrapping your foot "Mmm, no, I did it myself…I swear it was tight but with all the hopping I guess it got loose" you say with red ears feeling a little embarrassed, about the bandage but also about your reaction at him. Then he notices the folded clothes next to you "Did you do the laundry?" "Yeah" you smile at him "Why didn't Jiwoo do it? You know you can't move much" your smile faded "Well, she did the dishes and she was gonna do the laundry but I told her not to because we couldn't find something to entertain ourselves with and I didn't want to feel useless " he finishes bandaging you, but you continue "So I washed the clothes while she washed the dishes and the hopped to the library, because we reckoned your apartment…it's really nice" he smiles at you at that, however you continue "And while the clothes were washing I picked one of your books and started reading, by the way I'm sorry that I've been using your stuff without asking for your permission like your shampoo, body wash, face soap, moisturizer, cooking utensils and now your books" you looked at your hands ashamed, Taehyung almost coos at this and brings his hand to your face, grabs softly your chin and lifts it up "But Beautiful…Well, first, I have a TV is right there" he points at a blank space "You just have to lift it up" you look at him confused, he chuckles "I'll show you later. Second, you're not useless you're hurt, once you're on top shape you can do anything you want" he gives you a boxy smile "And third, you can use anything you want, everything I have here is yours too" you light up like Christmas tree after he says that.

"Let's go eat now, I bet you're hungry" as soon as he says that your stomach rumbles and he laughs "I guess I'm getting to know you better, at least your eating habit" "Shut up" you mumble dreading the embarrassment you're feeling right now. He picks you up bridal style making yell a little bit "H-h-hey I can hop to the kitchen" "Nu-uh, while I'm here you won't be doing that" he sits you down in a stool and exits the kitchen. Now that he's not next to you, you feel how the white chocolate smell has increased since he got home Does it come from him? But I didn't smell this yesterday…ugh, I don't understand and even if I don't want to ask him because this makes me feel like a crazy person, he maybe knows what and why is happening.

He comes back with the bag he left at the table in the living room, and puts it on the island "Where's Jiwoo?" "She's sleeping in the library" "I'll bring her" he turns "Mmm…Taehyung?" "Yes Beautiful?" he faces you again "Can I take out what's inside the bag?" you look at him with bright hopeful eyes "Sure" he chuckles. You open the bag and take out three smaller bags, you open them and take out from each a plate with what looks like lasagna, tiny bags with bread and three bottles with what looks like the soda Taehyung gave you yesterday. You wait sited moving the leg, with the good foot, like a little kid; Taehyung watches this, walking towards you with Jiwoo beside him, and falls for you even more.

Inside the kitchen, Jiwoo sits next to you, rubbing her eyes, and Taehyung, with a pout, sits in front of you "This is one has meat, this one has chicken and this one has meat again but has extra cheese in it" he explains each plate "Can I have the cheesy one?" you ask excitedly "Sure" he takes off the wrap and passes it to you with a fork, he also opens the soda for you "Thank you" you give him a tiny smile, you've read enough romantic books to know these kind of gestures are when the person has a romantic interest in other "I'll take the one with chicken, Taehyung" Jiwoo says "Sure" he passes her the plate, the bottle and the fork. The both take off the wrap from the plate, and all three of you start eating "Wow, this lasagna is so good" you say "Yes, I'll even say it's better than yours" Jiwoo slightly punches you, joking with you "Do you know how to make lasagna Beautiful?" "Yes, sometimes" you smile at him "Then I can't to try it" he smiles at you. You're eating in silence when something pops in your mind "Taehyung, do you work nearby? I mean otherwise how can you be eating lunch with us" "I left early" he answers with mouth half full "Oh, are you sick?" you say worriedly "No? I feel fine" he answers with his head tilted to the side and animal ears standing up "Then if you're not sick how did you get permission?" Jiwoo adds "I just didn't want to be without for too long" he answers so truthfully, you can see it in his eyes, that you almost choke up with what was in your mouth "What is your job?" you finally ask, after drinking a sip of soda "I'm a model" you open your eyes as much as you can when the leopard reveals this "You're a m-mo-model?" you can't believe it, Jiwoo chuckles at this "I knew, someone as handsome as you can't have a desk job" "What kind of modeling you do?" you ask him softly "Mostly photography, sometimes runways" he answers like he's talking about the weather Well, he does it for a living so he must be comfortable talking about it "I had more shoots after the one in the morning but I told my manager to cancel the ones in the afternoon so I could be here with you" he answers before you can make the question "Are you famous? I mean you have a very nice apartment, not to mention big" Jiwoo asks "Maybe? I mean some people think I'm famous" he touches his neck in embarrassment.

You're in shock at what this man does for a living so you just keep eating the lasagna until there is nothing more to eat, not even the bread "Are you okay Beautiful? You stop talking" Taehyung asks, he's nervous because you haven't said anything since he said he's a model Does she not like it? Because I can quit and find another job more to her liking "Do you not like my job? Because I can quit and find something you like" he quickly voices his thoughts "What?!" you almost scream "You can't quit because of me…It's just that I know you're handsome" "You think I'm handsome" he smiles sheepishly, but you don't hear him because you continue your rant "Bu-but I never thought you would be a model and I'm just surprised that's all…Besides you said like we're destined or something and I'm definitely way too normal to be with someone like you" you close your mouth with your hand to stop you from saying anything else, surprised at what you just said "Are you accepting me?" he says with a big smile "I don't know" you answer truthfully "Ohh" he mumbles, a sad expression makes its way to his face, his animal ears also lose their perkiness But she said it, maybe she's just scared of accepting her feelings, I can wait for her. Jiwoo knows she has to intervene now "Uh, Taehyung, what are those bags outside?" "Let's go see what I brought you" he stands up and goes for you to lift you up "Don't say anything Beautiful, I'm not letting you hop" he says seeing how you're about to protest, so you just shut your open mouth.

He leaves you on the couch in the most possible delicate way, and sits down next to you. To leave the two love birds together, Jiwoo sits in the other couch. The first thing he takes out of one of the bags is two boxes "First, I bought the groceries so" he turns to Jiwoo "Jiwoo, can you help me accommodate them" "Sure" she answers "Now, this one is for you Beautiful" he gives you one of the boxes and you notice is a phone "and this one is for you Jiwoo" he gives her the other box "Taehyung, you shouldn't have" you gasp "Of course I had to, besides I wanted to" he smiles at you "Please open it" you do as he says, and gasp once again "It's pink, look Ji it's pink!" you show her "Mine is white" she now shows you her new phone "It already has the most important apps, and it also has my phone number" you notice he put himself in as "Tae " Cute, does he want me to call him like that? I'll have to ask Jiwoo what's his name in her phone…What if I'm imagining things and it's not something special. "I also bought you clothes, it's just a few we can go in a few days again when you're ankle is better" he looks at you, and you nod at him. "Thank you so much Taehyung, you didn't have to" you impulsively hug him, he's shocked but gets out of it fast to return the embrace Wow, hugging her like this I can smell the white chocolate even more he closes his eyes and inhales more, after a while you let each other go at the same time, and smile at each other for a few seconds He's so handsome She's so beautiful.

Jiwoo interrupts the moment to talk about something more serious than groceries, clothes o phones "Taehyung" he looks at her "he have to talk about something" he frowns but doesn't say anything "I think you've noticed how we know almost nothing about, hybrids or technology. It's not because he have amnesia or something like that" At first I did think that, but I guess it's something more he thinks "It's because we're not from this world" he open his eyes, absorbing the new information "But before we explain that to you, we would like to know about your world first and how hybrids came to be" you look at him nodding "Can you tell us, please?".

Taglist: @lovely247 @apathina @kalala22 @singukieee @tinyoonsblog @arantxaglezz @btsiguess-kpop @lachimolala22019 @goldeneclipsedragon @sophiaj650 @sukunasstomachtongue @djodjom1 @uarmyhore @to-see-without-eyyes @chatsgotmytongue @kyuupidwrites @thebisexualonesworld @minjianhyung if you don’t want to be on this taglist anymore let me know :), and if you want to be just leave a comment saying so :)

#kpop #kpop stories #kpop scenarios #bts #bts series #bts scenarios #bts hybrid series #bts hybrid au #hybrid!au #hybrid bts #hybrid au #bts x reader #bts poly au #ot7 x reader #poly!au

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katsus-world · 4 months

Text

Keys

Bakugou fluff! Just something small because I haven’t posted in a while! Not proof read so sorry about any misspellings 😣!

Your hands smell like metal as hangers make their way to some racks in front of you. The lanyard around your neck making you sore as you reach to rub the back of your skin.

A yawn pulls to your lips as you continue to walk around the store, today’s been pretty slow and nothing interesting ever happens so you’re always bored out of your mind.

Or that was until now. Heavy footsteps hit the hardwood floor, ash blonde hair catches your eye as he walks up to the register.

“Fuck, what is he doing here?” You thought to yourself as you see your super hero roommate walk in, his handsome face covered in dry blood and ash.

“I lost the fuckin’ key at work, gimme yours and I’ll pick you up later.” He grumbled as he looks at a little all might key chain that was on display.

“Couldn’t you have texted me about it and I would have dropped it off at your agency kat.” You sigh as you walk over to a cabinet, unlocking it and grabbing the key from your coach purse.

“Tch, I lost my fuckin’ phone too. The stupid villain took our shit to make a weapon.” He’s walking around now, eyes looking at everything, and all your coworkers hiding behind shelves and racks of clothes, trying to find out what your conversation was about.

“Be careful out there, dumbass. You’re filthy right now, I might just have to mop the floor once you leave.” He shoots you a look and snaps his lips.

“Wish you could do that in the house, ya pig.” He chuckles to himself, finding his comeback clever. You roll your eyes, but the sound of him makes your heart melt.

You walk out the register and follow to where he’s standing. His suit is ripped from the back, his muscular shoulder blade on display. His boots leave little marks on the floor, shit now you might actually need to mop when he leaves.

“Fuck this place is boring, can’t believe you work a nine to five y/n.” He snorts as he sees some knock off gucci shirt, walking over to the shoes where there’s knock off Jordan’s and literally every other brand.

“Sorry, not all of us have to luxury of being heros.” You replied, hitting his rip playfully.

“You could have.”

“I’m not talking about this anymore, Kat don’t you needa be saving people or something?” He turns to look at you, eyes annoyed that you’re kicking him out of your shitty store.

“Rushing me outta your job ain’t nice sweets.” His finger hooks at the bottom of your chin, heat fills your face as you pull away from his touch, now your coworkers are DEFINITELY staring.

“Since when do you like nice? Shut up and take the key.” The jingle of the dynamight keychain pulls his attention. His gloved hand takes the key and shoves it in his pocket.

“Let me know when you get off of work and I’ll come get ya. Ima’ cook tonight, don’t order nothin’.” You nod as he reaches down to kiss you, you smile softly at him as his lips brush against yours.

“Get me that all might keychain.” He whispers in your ear so no one else could hear, his ears pink with embarrassment. With a giggle you “mhm” in response and watch as your hero boyfriend walks out.

Your coworkers are gonna have a FIELD DAY with this now.

₊✩‧₊˚౨ৎ˚₊✩‧₊ ₊✩‧₊˚౨ৎ˚₊✩‧₊ ₊✩‧₊˚౨ৎ˚₊✩‧₊ ₊✩‧₊˚౨ৎ˚₊✩‧₊ ₊✩‧₊

Bonus! :

“Katsuki where’s my key, ima be late to work!” You call out as you search around the living room table.

“Fuck about that, I lost it.” He walks into the room, hands in his sweat pockets as he looks at you with a bored expression.

“Fuck do you mean you lost it!? Bakugou I swear to god.” You pinch the bridge of your nose as you try to calm yourself down. He smacks his lips at you using his last name.

“Don’t go to work today then. Stay with me.” His voice is horse with neediness as he walks up to you, rough hands finding home at the curves of your waist.

“Katsuki..” you bite your lip at the thought of going back to bed with your boyfriend. Fuck it.

“Lemme go call in, but you’re buying me lunch!” He grins at your words and plants a kiss on your forehead.

“Whatever you want sweets, come back to bed when you’re done.” As katsuki walks away, he can’t help but play with the dynamight figure that was in his pocket, his fingers careful to not touch the keys. 😉

#liz writes #liz fucking talks #katsuki bakugou #mha imagines #my hero academia #bakugou fluff #bnha bakugou #katsuki bakugo mha #bakugo headcanon #bakugou katsuki x reader #mha fluff #my hero academia bakugou

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hina-hina · 1 year

Note

Hi bestie! I really love you’re writing and was wondering if you could maybe do a fic where Ghost and reader have a kid who absolutely prefers their dad over anyone else- and Ghost is just so confused about it. The brainrot has me bad lmao

Hello friend!! We can make this a sort of unofficial sequel to the other Ghosh with a child headcanon post because its just so cute (★‿★) Thank you for requesting!!

|| Ghost x Reader with a Child that Prefers their Dad to Anyone Else ||

Warnings: tiny amount of angst

Gender-neutral!Reader // Romantic

Ghost had always been quite scared to be a father

I mean, we all know what his was like

He was determined to not be anything like his father but he would always have fears of hurting your kid

During pregnancy, he would have nightmares about it and then would feel guilty for waking you up

Lots of late nights were spent assuring him that he was going to be a great dad

So when the child is actually born, he is so shocked when they just cling to him

It starts even when they're a baby

Like, the kid would just start crying and nothing would sooth them until Ghost held him

He is so shocked and just stares at you with wide eyes as the baby immediately stops crying

You find it very funny

He is very concerned

Whenever he has to go back to work, he is so worried to leave the two of you

Not only because he's scared something will happen to you, but also because he knows the baby is going to freak out on you

And yeah, he was definitely right about that

You were so stressed out the first time it happened

Eventually the baby gets used to him being gone but still will throw fits like that sometimes

They love seeing their dad on video calls, never fails to brighten their mood

As the kid gets older, they begin insisting on helping with the care packages you send Ghost

They would write their own (heavily misspelled) letter to him and draw lots of pictures for him

He pins each one up in his barracks

They would also, with your help, make him cookies or other sweets

Ghost was never really big on desert but he still doesn't even share with the others in 141

When Ghost comes back, he will take them to have just a day with the two of them

He would of course make time for a date night with you and a outing with all three of you as well

They love every minute of it, non-stop talking and telling Ghost about school and other stuff that has happened while hes gone

He listens quietly, never even daring to tell them to slow down or not talk as much

When ever he has to go back on an assignment, it's always a messy affair

Lots of tears, lots of hugging and begging him not to leave again

He doesn't want to and an early retirement is looking more and more pleasing

But he would just hold them as the two of you explain that his work is very important and that he'll call whenever he can

The kid would still end up crying themselves to sleep, leaving both of their parents teary eyed

He loves bringing gifts back to them

Brags about his kids achievements to Soap

Looks forward to the video calls whenever things get hard on the field

Even if he was dead tired, he would still make time to jump on call with the two of you

Looks forward to coming home after every assignment the most

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matryosika · 1 year

Text

Pairing: Changbin x Reader

Wordcount: 12,944 words.

Includes: Fem!Reader, babysitter!Changbin, MILF!Reader. Age gap between characters (male character is said to be 24, whilst reader's age is not explicited but there's an 11 years gap between the two). It's kind of an important topic throughout the plot, but it's not the main topic. Alcohol consumption. Smut warnings under the cut.

Author's Note: Finally, I finished this Changbin fic I've been work for an embarrassing amount of time. I had fun writing this, but right in the middle I kind of started questioning my existence and I started feeling conflicted about how I was portraying everything. I'm not sure if I'm satisfied, but I had a good time so I guess that's what counts. I know for a fact that there are a couple of grammar mistakes and misspelled words. I promise I'll fix them all soon. In the mean time, enjoy! Also, as usual, please remember that english is not my first language.

If you wish to support my work further, you can leave a reblog/ask/ comment. I also have a ko-fi, in case you want to (and are able to) leave me a tip. As a broke, college student I will highly appreciate it (the job hunting it's definitely not going anywhere, anytime soon. I'm doing my best though!). As I'm based in México, even a dollar helps me tons.

Smut warnings: Perv!Changbin, panty sniffing, jerking off to the smell of used underwear. Non-consensual recording in the beginning (but not really, you'll find out why). Dirty talk, mentions of masturbation (f. and m.), oral sex (f. and m. receiving), mentions of spit/drool, brief pussy slapping, overstimulation, impregnation fantasies (but it's not explicit between the characters), very mild humiliation/fantasies regarding humiliation, consensual recording of sexual activities, unprotected sex, creampie. Changbin talks lot about reader's ex-husband during the smut part so bear with him, it's his ego talking.

“You saw what?!”

Myeong’s high-pitched voice attracts a couple of stares from other people at the café, and you sulk into your spot at the sofa. If there's one person you trust in this world, whole-heartedly, it's her —your friend is good at keeping secrets, but she is not that great at being discreet.

Even so, she is the only one you can talk to about this. You didn't even tell your therapist yet, afraid you might get confronted in a not-so-friendly manner.

“Keep your voice down,” you insist, kicking her leg with your feet underneath the table. The short haired hisses and curses under her breath, but she doesn’t complain. Part of her feels like she earned it by being so loud. “And don’t make me repeat it again”.

“He did not,” Myeong’s eyes embody true shock as she stares right into you, her lips slightly parted while there's a blank expression all over her face. It starts regaining its true colors once her eyebrows quirk, and the corners of her lips turn into a hysterical smirk. “He did not!”

“Yes, he did,” you sigh, brushing a couple of strands away from your face before guiding the white, coffee mug to your lips, “And it’s all video-”.

“Shut up,” Myeong’s hand flies to her mouth and she covers it, repressing any urges to scream or laugh out loud. “You’ve got to be kidding me!”

“I’m not,” you shrug your shoulders, “and it wasn’t just one video I found”.

Myeong smacks her palm against her thigh, offering you a warm but teasingly smirk, “this might be the greatest day, ever”.

“This is not okay, Myeong,” there’s a lump in your throat that doesn’t go away, not even with all the sips you’ve taken from your coffee as of right now. The words are caught up in your throat, and you're afraid you might spill them if your friend spins the conversation to the wrong direction.

“How is this not okay?” The amusement in her eyes tells you that she is definitely watching the issue from another perspective. A perspective you know well, but that you no longer share, “he is clearly into you, I bet if you ask him to sleep with you he would do it right away, without thinking it twice”.

“He is a college student,” you emphasize, “and he is barely 24”.

“So?” Myeong cocks an eyebrow. “It’s not illegal, is it?”

You roll your eyes.

“No, it is not illegal,” your friend smiles proudly when you prove her right, but her smile fades away as you start talking, “but it feels wrong”.

“You’re so boring sometimes, you know,” your friend snorts, taking a sip from her green tea. “When was the last time you got laid?”

“Does it matter?”

“Yes, actually it does,” the conversation is slowly spinning towards you, and you don’t like it. At the same time, you can’t help but answer every question Myeong has, hoping to get some clarity out of the dilemmas she is putting you through. “If you can look into my eyes and promise that your sexual life is satisfactory enough right now, I will let this go”.

Had you been a hell of a liar, you would've done just that —stare into her eyes and blatantly lie. But is it more embarrassing to lie about having a great sexual life and get caught, or admitting it has been practically non-existent ever since your divorce?

Your silence and crestfallen gaze speaks for themselves, and that sparks curiosity in Myeong.

“Because you do… have an active sexual life, right?” A group of older women passes by your table and stares judgingly, which prompts you to shush your friend. Her blank expressions turns into amusement again, and she pokes her tongue through her cheek. “Oh, my God!”

“Look, I don’t need it, okay?” You're not a good liar, but the frustration and the rising heat on your cheeks prompts you to talk without thinking. “I don’t fuck these days and I totally don’t care”.

“What a day!” Myeong scoffs with mirth, “and it is barely nine in the morning”.

You pick at the hems of your blazer and don’t dare to look at her, at least not until she regains her composure.

“Oh my God,” she sighs again, taking a sip from her tea. “No, I see it, you definitely look like you haven't had sex in ages”.

“My sexual life is not up for discussion today,” you cut her short, rising your hand to catch the attention of a waiter not that far from your table, wanting to get another coffee refill. “But I really need to figure out what to do with the other thing I just told you about”.

“You’re such a prude,” your friend chuckles softly, “you can’t even say his name or address the situation as it happened —you caught him jerking off with your underw-”

“Don’t,” you stop her, glaring at the waiter that's just approaching you. He gets to your table and offers you both a bright smile, before asking if you need anything else. You hand him your coffee mug and ask for another refill, to which he nods compliantly.

You wish you could have elongated the time of his presence near you, to save you from Myeong's accusatory interventions, but there was little you could do when another table called him. After, the mischevious smile in your friend’s lips appeared again.

“So you caught Changbin jerking him in your bedroom, rubbing himself with a pair of your used panties,” you nod quietly, biting the insides of your cheek. There's something crude about the way she puts it, but that's exactly what happened. “What are you going to do about it? Fire him?”

“Yeah,” you agree, and furrow your eyebrows when Myeong shakes her head in disapproval. “Isn’t that the obvious thing to do in this situation?”

“You said he was great, though”.

“He is great at babysitting,” you let out a frustrated sigh, brushing your hair away from your face, “he is so accessible, and Jihun adores him”.

“And you’re still going to fire him?” Myeong asks with a look of disbelief.

“Isn’t that what I am supposed to do?” The sudden raise of your voice attracts a couple of stares, to which Myeong responds with a friendly smile. You quickly mutter a quick sorry to your table neighbors and other passerbys, and lower the volume of your voice. “The idea of not firing him just doesn't make any sense”.

“Alright, let’s say you fire him,” Myeong takes a deep sigh and leans back against his seat, “do you already have someone in mind for the job?”

You chew on your bottom lip as you shake your head.

“If you’re going to fire him, you better start there,” your friend rightfully points out. “Once you have a new babysitter, then you can fire him. If not, you’re at risk of being left empty-handed”.

“Yeah, but-” you hesitate. The idea of having to look for someone else to take care of Jihun it’s incredibly overwhelming. What if you can’t find someone like Changbin all over again? What if you end up stuck with a shitty, irresponsible babysitter that Jihun might not even get along with? “God, I just don’t want to fire him”.

“Then don’t!”

“But-”

“Jesus, you’re so complicated,” Myeong huffed, taking one last sip of her tea cup before putting it to the side. “What is so wrong about him jerking off in your room? That he did it with your dirty underwear?”.

You keep quiet for a second, which your friend takes advantage of to continue ranting.

“I mean, that’s a little bit nasty, but is it weird of me to say that it’s kind of hot too?”

“It’s a perverted behavior,” you murmur under your breath, but Myeong picks it on very clearly.

“It turned you on and you know it,” she scoffs. “We have going at this for over an hour, and not once I’ve sense any kind of disgust from you when you talk about it. You’re scared, and awkward, and probably confused, but disgusted? I just don’t see it, no matter how hard you try to portray just that”.

Damned be Myeong, who knows you a bit too well for your own liking.

“What were you thinking when you saw those videos?” the short-haired asks you, stretching her arms and placing both palms on top of the table. “Or better yet, what did you feel?”.

She doesn’t know, you tell yourself, but the heat rising up to your cheeks and the sudden throb between your legs betrays you. Myeong might not know what you thought or felt, but you do —no matter how much you try to repress or deny it, the ghost of your hand trailing from your tummy to your aching core is still there.

“Nothing,” you reply, not daring to share the truth.

“Nothing?” Myeong challenges you, “you mean to tell me that it didn’t spark anything inside you?”

It sparked everything inside you, but you couldn’t get yourself to admit it. The whole situation makes you feel silly, and you can't understand why.

“Alright,” she exhales, scratching her head. “I’m going to be pretty straight forward with you”.

Myeong isn't known for her tact, so you're preparing in advance for whatever it is that she has to say. Whether you want her blunt honesty or not, it is perhaps what you need to get yourself out of this dilemma, “shoot”.

“We’ve been friends for what? 18 years?” you simply nod, unsure where this is going to take her. “We went to college together, we finished our majors and graduated on time. I was there on your wedding day, and the day Jihun was born. I was also there the day you decided to get a divorce”.

“Thank you for the quick trip to memory lane,” you joke.

“What I’m saying is that we have known each other for years, I obviously can tell when you’re lying,” she cocks her eyebrows and gives you an accusatory look, but continues on with her speech. “I also can tell how much you’ve changed since that useless marriage of you, and I hate it. You’re far from being the confident woman I once knew”.

“What does that has any to do with the Changbin situation?” A nervous smile peeks through the corners of your lips.

“Please,” she spits, “it has everything to do with it”.

She keeps quiet for a second and stares at you long enough before continuing, almost as if she's trying to get answers from you telepathically. Not that she needs them.

“What are you so scared of?” Myeong queries. Whether she asked it as a rhetorical question or not, you do have an answer of your own. A bunch, actually. “Why did you stop being a woman, and got stuck with the role of a divorced, single mother?”

You know it wasn't her intention, but the stinging feeling of your tears pricking in the corner of your eyes tells you that she has hit a weak spot. Something you weren't expecting to talk about on a Thursday morning during breakfast at a fucking café downtown.

“I know you like him, Changbin,” the way she stitched those words together makes you feel eerie, but the statement is not far from the truth —you don't picture a long life together, and you don't necessarily want anything serious, but you still like him. You're attracted to him, and you've known that for a while now. “It’s really obvious”.

“How come?” The question is stupid, but you really ought to know why.

“I’m your best friend,” she smiles triumphantly, “I just know”.

Your cup of coffee it’s getting empty, and there’s only a couple of minutes before 10. You invited Myeong to grab some breakfast in hopes of finding a solution to your conflict, yet a ton of more questions were awakened.

You can’t tell if that is a good thing or a bad one.

“It’s obvious he feels attracted to you too,” Myeong tells you, getting you out of your own thoughts. “Perhaps it wasn't the best way to find out, but you can clearly tell he has a thing for you”.

“So?”

“So,” she exhales, grabbing her purse from the side of the table. “Do with that information as you please. Jesus, woman, I can’t solve every single one of your mind riddles for you!”

“You’re saying I should tell him?” you rush to ask before she stands up. “You know, about the videos”.

“I’m saying: do whatever the fuck you want for once,” Myeong smiles. “If you want to get fucked by him, go ahead. If you don’t, then you don’t and that’s it”.

“You’re not helping me,” you huff, crossing your arms against your chest while leaning back.

“No one will be able to help you if you don’t let them,” with a tilt of her head, and her lips pressed together in a straight line, Myeong chooses her next words carefully. “What happened with Kyungho doesn't have to keep on taking tolls in your life, especially in your womanhood”.

She extends her arm on the table and looks out for your hand, holding it carefully while giving you a reassurance gaze.

“It’s difficult,” you exhale, fixing your eyes in the way she rubs your hand with her thumb.

“I know,” the short-haired nods. “But you too deserve to have fun, to meet people and feel desired. It is not wrong, you know?”

After your divorce, picturing you with someone became impossible. At first, and for obvious reasons, you didn't feel like putting yourself out there. You had way too much on your plate at the time to even consider dating, and the idea never really crossed your mind. Your work and Jihun occupied most of the space in your mind and concerns, and there was very little room for you and your needs.

As you got a hang of everything, you started to realize the pitch feeling of dissatisfaction inside your chest —there was something you were missing, and you couldn't quite pinpoint exactly what it was.

Love, with Jihun and your loved ones you had plenty. Money, just enough to live a pretty decent life.

But sex? There was nothing there to tell.

“I’ve got to get going,” Myeong murmurs, squeezing your hand one last time before sliding her chair backwards, “don’t get into your head too much, alright?”

“I can’t promise you that,” you tell her, standing up from the sofa while grabbing your purse while giving her an unapologetic smile.

The rest of the day you’re spending it thinking about your conversation with Myeong earlier, and the videotapes you found the night before. Most of the things she said are lingering in your head, presenting itself one after the other, like a hook of an essay meant to capture your attention and lure you into all that reading the rest.

She gives you a soft pat on your head and returns the smile, her warmth giving you some sense of comfort, “just try”.

You don’t want to read the rest of your own thoughts. You don't want to acknowledge them, nor deal with them, but Myeong’s voice is still ringing loud and clear in your ears.

What were you thinking? What did you feel? Had you been brave enough, you would have told her everything, from the very start and without gaps. You would have told her about the way your heart started to race as you realized what was hapenning in the tapes, how you stood awake all night watching them, examining them, touching yourself to them.

Now that you think about it, you're not any better than him.

Paperwork is accumulating at the edge of your desk, but you can't begin to care. Time is passing, but you’re still stuck in last night without being able to move forward or backward. Your mind is latched to the sight of him throwing his head back while he wraps your underwear around his cock, the way he starts increasing the movement of his wrist once he is close. Your mind is latched to everything you saw, and all the tiny details you might have missed.

The dates of each footage spin in your head, trying to find a pattern but, at the same time, making no sense. There is, however, a common denominator every single time —Changbin only visits your room when the apartment was empty. It doesn’t happens too often, though, but it has happened a couple of times in the past months. For instance, that April morning you took Jihun to his doctor’s appointment and forgot to inform Changbin, who showed up to your apartment right on time, but found it empty.

It had been a rabbit's hole, the stupid CCTV you haven't gotten rid of despite not being useful anymore. Before yesterday, you didn't even remember you had it —it had been Kyungho’s idea, to install a closed-circuit television system after a spate of burglaries at the apartment complex. At the time, you didn't protest because you thought it was convenient. But, eventually, the burglaries stopped.

After that, the system never came in handy until Wednesday, when you thought you had lost a usb with important work documents. You looked for it everywhere —the living room, the kitchen, the bathroom, and even Jihun's playroom.

“You know, kids love small, shiny things,” Myeong had told you over the phone, trying to ease your frustration, “maybe he took it and it’s hidden somewhere in between his toys, I don’t know”.

After a relentless search, and an agonizing feeling of having screwed up, you remembered the CCTV. Although its purpose was to surveill and not precisely find missing things you took a leap of faith —you were too desperate to find it, that the idea didn’t seem too crazy.

So you sat down and searched for the date in which you last remember ever using the USB. Tuesday, this week. You thought doing some home office was a good idea, so you took your stuff home and, after pouring a glass of red wine, you laid down in your bed and started reviewing some documents you have to deliver on Friday.

A glass of red wine became two, and soon you found yourself feeling sleepy. You could clearly see in the CCTV footage how you packed your things, placed your laptop inside your bag, took the glass and bottle of wine to the kitchen and returned to keep on getting your stuff ready for the following morning. Then, some frames of you walking towards one of your drawers, opening and closing them right away.

Perhaps you had been too sleepy, and the alcohol ingested did its thing, but you found the USB right there, where the footage showed it —inside one of the drawers. You smiled triumphantly as you packed the device where it should have been, inside your bag, and returned your attention to the television screen in front of you. What a useless purchase, you thought as you saw the amount of videos stored, but felt glad nonetheless about it becoming in handy.

You could have stop right there. And really, you should have.

But one thumbnail in particular captured your attention. It dated from Wednesday, last week, and it showed you an image of a man walking inside your room, the same 3 frames repeating themselves over and over again.

Wednesday, last week, had been the parent-teaching meeting at Jihun’s preschool. It took longer than expected, so Changbin had to wait at your place for around 20 minutes before you came home. The timestamp in the bottom right corner of the thumbnail confirmed so —it had been recorded at 12:06 p.m., when he was by himself.

Said footage lead you to look for another.

And another.

[18:01 p.m., You: Do you think I can have a word after your shift today?]

And at one point, you didn’t know who had sunk lower —Changbin, for what he did, or you, for liking it.

[19:23 p.m., Babysitter: Sure. Is everything alright?]

[19:41 p.m., You: Yeah, there’s just something I want to discuss with you]

Myeong's words still resonate inside your mind and, as you park your car outside the apartment complex, you realize you don't have a plan. You had been brave enough to let Changbin know there's something you want to talk about, but you didn't think anything further from it. You just don’t know how to bring the topic up, because there is a lot to explain from your side.

“Yeah, I have cameras all over the apartment and I saw you getting off to my used underwear,” you rehearse, but even the choice of words sounds extremely creepy. You're glad the windows of your car are rolled up, because if any passerby hears you they would’ve give you a perturbated look.

You take a deep breath, grip the steering wheel of your car and go at it again. “Listen, Changbin, I found some videos- fuck!”.

You feel conflicted, and guilty. And a part of you makes you want to believe it is because of the whole CCTV issue, that you should've told him beforehand when he started working with you. But, prior to this week, you didn't even remember it. You didn't avoid telling him out of mischief, but because it was so irrelevant it never cross your mind.

However, the other part of you knows it is because of what you did watching those tapes. You know about the pooling wetness in your underwear as you remember the images of Changbin stroking himself, wrapping your used underwear around his cock and fucking himself with it. You know about the countless times you made yourself come last night while thinking about him, about how good he smells and how much of a gentleman he is.

You know about your attraction towards him, and that is something you can deny to everyone but yourself.

After not being able to find the correct words to use tonight, you leave your car and walk towards your apartment with frustration penting up inside of you. Because, really, what was the worst thing that could happen? Him, quitting his job? At some point, you voted for that solution to this situation. So the more you think about it, the more you expose yourself —the worst thing that can happen is nothing at all.

You take one last deep breath before typing the password in the keypad of your door, and the first thing you're welcomed with is a delicious smell you're not used to.

“I’m home,” you announce, hanging your bag and blazer on the coat rack. These days you're not greeted by Jihun as you usually were. Now that he started his second year at kindergarten, he wakes up earlier than usual and, therefore, goes to bed early too. His absence doesn’t surprise you tonight, but the fact that Changbin isn’t sitting at your living room as he usually does, do. “Changbin?”

“Right here, Miss,” a voice from the kitchen speaks.

You find him standing in front of the kitchen stove, not facing you, wearing some thight jeans, a light blue shirt and your white apron. In the dinner table there's a plate and a glass, along with a bottle of wine you can't quite recognize. Did he bring it himself?

“What is this?” you ask. There's not irritation or annoyance in your voice, but rather confusion and curiosity.

The corner of his lips rise in a soft, proud smirk. One that you can’t capture due to the position he is in. “Dinner,” he tells you, maneuvering a couple of kitchen utensils on his pan. “I figure you might be hungry, and so I decided to cook some dinner for you”.

Static, you stare at his back for endless seconds until his voice brings you back to reality yet again.

“I cooked us some bibimbap, Jihun was craving some,” Changbin explains. “There were a couple of leftover ingredients”.

“Oh,” you murmur, walking cautiously towards the dining table, “you shouldn’t have”.

“It’s no big deal,” Changbin reassures you, getting your dish ready.

You watch him as he moves around the kitchen, and that conversation with Myeong comes back to your mind —he is a college student, 11 years younger than you are. But the more you look at him, the more he doesn't look like one.

His facial features, the way he walks and carries himself. The way he talks and expresses his thoughts, his voice, his gaze... Everything is so appealing to you. He is even more of a man than half men your age, you often think.

“Almost done, Miss,” he tells you, and the title which he uses to address you suddenly weighs heavy on your mind.

“How was Jihun today?” you ask, clearing your throat and preventing any other thoughts from resurfacing.

“He was good,” Changbin walks towards the table and offers you the dish, not without pouring a bit of wine on your glass. “I helped him with his homework, and he asked me if he could watch television afterwards. We spent almost all day at his playroom”.

“Thanks,” you mutter under your breath as he sets the table ready for you. “Is he already in bed?”

“Yeah,” he replies. “I hope the dinner is good by the way”.

You give him a quick smile, and thank him again. The dish looks great, and it smells just as good, but you can’t get yourself to take one bite from it. Or at least not when you’re this nervous.

So you decide to start now.

“Changbin,” you sigh, feeling even more conflicted about such gesture. His name it's all that's needed for you to capture his attention, which you do almost immediately. “Please, sit down”.

He follows compliantly, taking a seat right in front of yours. You're not quite sure how to begin, but you go for it anyways.

“What’s going on?” he asks you, with an innocent smile that gets a little under your nerves. “What was the thing you wanted to discuss?”

You clear your throat and eye the glass of wine in front of you. Silly move, a part of you thinks once you chug it down in one sit. You look nervous, and he can tell. Ironically enough, you're not the one who should be in such a state. You weren't caught doing something wrong, and your job wasn't at risk. So why do you feel cornered, just like he is supposed to feel?

“How do I even say this,” you mumble to yourself, exhaling the sweet taste of wine. It tastes nothing like the ones you usually consume, but it is nice. You know it isn't yours, but you don't dare to ask him the reason behind this odd, unexpected gift. “Jesus”.

He looks at you with empty eyes, that seem to be trying hard to figure out what's going on inside your mind.

“Look, I’m just going to say it like it happened,” Changbin is sitting right in front of you, but it seems as if you’re engaging on a conversation alone with yourself. You hardly recognize his presence there, only fixing your eyes to the now empty glass of wine. “And I know I should’ve told you this when I first met you and hired you as Jihun’s babysitter, but I didn’t because I completely forgot about them and I honestly didn’t think much of it”.

There's a short silence between the two of you, one you use to organize your thoughts, and then continue.

“There’s a CCTV system in the apartment,” you say, without beating around the bush. Saying it out loud, for you, sounds like a shocker, but Changbin doesn't seem fazed at all. “There’s cameras on every room, and they have been there for a while now, longer than you have been working for me”.

After you tell him that, he leans back against his seat and his body relaxes, almost as if he was expecting something else. Something worse.

As if what you’re just about to say isn’t wrong enough.

“I saw some stuff,” you confess, still not daring to look at him.

You hate how this whole interaction is being. You hate how small you feel, even though you're the one calling him out, the one supposed to be in control. You hate how he looks at you, with that heavy gaze of his that secretly whispers an I know what you did. You hate how the eleven-year gap does not cross your mind because in front of him you feel so defenseless.

You hate how you can't even scold him for what he did because you didn't dislike any second of it.

Changbin smiles after a couple of seconds in silence, finding amusement in the way you get flustered as you try to keep your speech going.

“I know about the cameras,” he tells you, and your nervous countenance suddenly drifts into one of confusion. “I’ve known for a while. They’re not hard to spot”.

There's rage within you, probably because of how much time you invested being nervous just for him to shrug it off so lightly.

“Oh,” you blink a couple of times, still in awe.

It takes you a while, but the realization hits you. If he was aware of the CCTV system the whole time, that means…

“Then you know what I saw,” it’s not a question, it’s an affirmation. Hostility lingers in your voice, but that is not enough to alarm Changbin, who licks his lips and tiltes his head at you with a serious deadpan.

“Miss,” he tells you. “What did you see?”

You gulp loudly and finally get the courage to look at him, with an incredulous expression that calls out his cynism. “Do you really want me to say it out loud?”

Another silence dawns up on you, and you're not quite sure how to follow the conversation without his participation, as he isn't really saying anything. So, to save you time and awkwardness, you just let the words freely fall from your mouth.

“I saw footages of you, inside my room,” you spit, seeing if that is enough to get a reaction from him, but realizing you failed again. Not that it surprises you, so you just keep going. “I saw everything, every video there was. I don’t- I’m not sure why I did it, but I did”.

You're reminded of Myeong, again, and how she asked you to do whatever the fuck you wanted for once.

“So, why?” you ask, staring deep into him. You’re not angry, nor disappointed, you also don’t seem grossed out, so Changbin smiles triumphantly. He has gotten away with it. “If you knew there was cameras, why risk doing that knowing I could easily find out?”

“Because I wanted you to find out,” he simply replies, as if the answer wasn’t completely obvious to both parties.

“Yeah, but why?”

“I wanted to end up right here,” Changbin explains, leaning against the table while placing both of his elbows on it. “With you, confronting me about it”.

You look at him in disbelief, trying to give his answers some sense but failing miserably.

“You’re not thinking about firing me,” he continues, looking for your gaze underneath your shock. “It would’ve been the first thing to say”.

It seems as if the roles have been reversed, and you're now the one who isn't speaking, despite you being the one who initially brought the topic up.Right now you want to listen to him and try to understand what he is meaning with all of this, so you stay quiet.

“So if you’re not firing me, what is it that truly you wanted to discuss?”

The soft smirk he offers you makes you feel dizzy, and you find yourself holding your breath. As if a deep exhale it's going to betray you, to sell you out and reveal your deepest fantasies.

And quickly, you realize can’t fulfill Myeong’s promise, because you’re already too far gone inside your head.

“It was- not okay,” you sigh. “You’re just- way too young for me. I have an exhusband, and a child. I’m a fucking mother, Changbin”.

“So?” he asks you with one of his brows slightly raised. Defiantly, intimidating, ready to prove you wrong. “Does that mean I can't find you attractive?”

The sudden confession makes your heart feel as if you were on top of the roller coaster, despite Myeong bringing the possibility to the table earlier today.

“You shouldn’t,” you cut him short. “There’s nothing I can offer you. You should seek women your age”.

“But I want you,” he makes it very clear, with no hesitation in his voice. There’s a table between you two, but it is not enough of a barrier to prevent you from feeling him close. “It’s you who I think about when I jerk off, not them”.

There’s another silence that accompanies the realization sinking. Changbin is attracted to you, and he does jerks off thinking about you. You shouldn’t feel flattered, but you do, and it’s dangerous.

It has been a while since someone lusted after you like this.

“Changbin,” you swallow thickly, but not even that small amount of saliva does anything to ease the dry feeling in your throat. “You’re too young”.

He gives a smile that hides cockiness behind it, almost as if he wanted you to bring that up.

“I can treat you better than men your age, in every way,” the tip of his tongue grazes against his cheek in an arrogant manner that don’t really hate. The attitude looks good on him. “Even better than your exhusband”.

The heat is rising up to your cheeks, and it feels awkward. Your thighs are squeezing together, too, and you pray for him to not notice any crevice of all that you are trying so hard to hide.

“I don’t think it’s a good idea to keep talking about this,” you mumble, standing up from your seat while he does the same. “Go home, and I’ll see you on Monday”.

“So you’re really not going to fire me,” Changbin murmurs, dangerously approaching you. “Hm?”

You’re too close to spit it out. To give in, tell him that he can do with you whatever he wants. You’re too close to break in front of him, just like he is to pressing his body against yours.

“No,” you inhale, anticipating the contact of his hand against your hips.

“Is there a good reason behind such a decision?”

You swallow thickly, and think about how long it has been since the last time you felt someone’s body against yours —it has been ages, to say the least.

“I-” you can’t think straight. The mere touch of his hand against your clothes, and his deep gaze staring right through you is enough to overwhelm you. “Jihun likes you too much, I can’t- I don’t want to hire anybody else”.

“And you?” Changbin asks you, tilting his head. “Do you like me?”

What is the point of resisting? Now that his lips are too close to yours, and you're aching to feel his hips pressed against your body, you no longer care about anything you did a couple minutes ago. You like Changbin. You like his body, his gentleness, his sympathy. You like how attractive and confident he is, how he stares at you, how he desires you.

You like him. Isn’t that enough to give in?

“Just admit it,” he whispers, his hand reaching out to caress your cheek, “and I’ll take care of the rest”.

“What’s going to happen if I do?” you ask him, nibbling at the skin of your lower lip.

“You know what is going to happen,” Changbin scoffs, so softly it sounds like a melody rather than a teasing laugh. “Didn't the videos gave you enough hints about how desperate I am for you?”

You're not used to him being this straight-forward. Maybe you are a prude, because the way he is talking to you right now is making it difficult to hold the eye contact, and it's making your skin warmer.

Changbin is quick to pick up on that, on the way you can hardly look at him while he speaks, and the way you swallow thickly with each words that leaves his lips —he makes a mental note to remember it later.

“Tomorrow,” you tell him and, for the first time tonight, you feel the air actually getting to your lungs. “Jihun is spending the weekend with his father”.

He smiles cockily against your lips, leaning in further to place a quick peck on them. A quick peck that leaves you craving for more, that makes your chest feel heavy and your limbs numb.

“See you tomorrow, then”.

You can’t stop eyeing your phone screen, thinking that staring at the clock for too long will prevent it from letting time pass.

You've given in. And there's no turning back.

It’s 18:41. And it has been 18:41 for the past hour or so. The seconds are passing excruciatingly slow, and that does nothing to ease your anguish.

You tried to catch up on all the paperwork you left undone yesterday, went and lunch somewhere else rather than the company’s cafeteria to kill some time, and even texted Myeong asking her if she was busy because you wanted to talk to her. Myeong hasn’t texted you back yet, but the two other activities weren’t enough to distract you from the inevitable.

18:41, still. Anticipation is killing you, what have you gotten yourself into?

You can't shake off the feeling of his lips against yours, no matter how minimal and quick the contact was. It wasn’t a kiss in all the sense of the word, it was just a peck. Yet that is enough for your mind to keep on repeating the moment on loop, making you feel the pressure on your lips, despite him not being anywhere around you right now.

You glance at your phone screen again.

18:42. You swallow thickly.

The sudden buzz of your phone inside your hand makes your heart skips a beat, and you hold it right against your chest. Please let it be Myeong, you pray, feeling a pit in your stomach and the sudden sensation of having to visit the restroom. Please let it be Myeong.

[18:42, Myeong: Just got out of a meeting. What’s up?]

[18:42, You: I’m meeting Changbin after work]

Not even two seconds after pressing the sent button, your phone is buzzing repeatedly and Myeong's image is being shown right at the center of the screen.

“What?!” Her squealing is what welcomes you after you pick up the call. She screams so loud you have to move your phone away from your ear, allowing her to scream as much as she wants without compromising one of your senses. “Oh my fucking God!”

It takes her a while to regain her composure, but she gets there. After panting and letting out sighs of amusement, Myeong gives you the word.

“I’m nervous,” you admit. “I’m so fucking nervous, I feel like a teenager”.

“Of course,” Myeong sighs, and you don’t have to see her to know she is probably smiling. “Isn’t that expected? It has been a while since, you know, you put yourself out there”.

“Yeah, I know,” you murmur, biting the skin around your nails. “But God, I feel so pathetic”.

“Once you're being dicked down you're definitely going to forget that feeling, don't worry,” your friend jokes with a teasing chuckle, and you huff under your breath. “Or you can ask him to make you feel that way even more, if you’re into that”.

A quick train of thoughts passes through your mind, but Myeong's voice snaps you back into reality again.

“You don't have to feel nervous,” she continues. “It’s just sex. It's not like you haven't had it before”.

“Why am I even making such a big deal out of this?” You let out a frustrated sigh, and lean back against your office chair.

“You’re getting too much into your own head, again,” Myeong scolds you. “I’m praying he can get you out of there”.

“We’ll see,” your lips press into a thin line, and the thoughts that were pushed away by Myeong resuface again. “I have to go, my desk is a mess and I need to tidy it up before I leave”.

It’s part true, your desk is a mess. But you don’t think you can organize it in under 10 minutes, let alone do it while thinking about Changbin. So your say your goodbyes, hang up and stare at the glass doors that lead to your office for a bit too long.

What is Changbin like in bed?

You didn’t ask him, but it’s rather obvious he has a couple experiences of his own. You have some too, but none of them are worth telling ��just normal sex, with a little bit of foreplay and, luckily, some cuddles in the end. Nothing wrong with that, but your experiences weren't nearly as fascinating as some you've heard over the past years.

The clock on your phone screen captures your attention, and you realize you can't dwell in your own thoughts too much.

18:58.

Despite knowing the password to the door keypad, Changbin waited for you to let him know you were already at the apartment to finally show up, wearing some tight jeans, and a plain black t-shirt.

Technically, you can leave your office now.

Upon arriving home, you opted for taking a shower and wear much more comfortable clothes.

They aren’t sexy, nor luring. They are just your regular pijamas, ones that make you feel comfortable and aren't as awkward as those work skirts that makes you feel like your stomach it's all the way up to your chest.

They are just your pijamas, but Changbin’s gaze and the soft smirk that peeks from the corners of his lips tells you that he likes them.

“Do you want some wine?” You ask him, just as he follows you around the living room.

He gets the sense that you might need a glass, so he agrees. You grab the bottle of wine he brought yesterday, along with two glasses, and join him in the couch, sitting right next to him while leaving the stuff on top of a small coffee table. Not having a whole table as a barrier feels kind of weird now, and you sigh loudly when you take into account how close you really are from him.

“Thank you, by the way,” you mumble, pouring him some wine. “For the dinner, yesterday. I ate it after you left, it was really good”.

He offers you a soft smile, and you hand him the glass. Is this too formal? you start thinking. Why would I be drinking some wine, on a Friday afternoon, with the college student who babysits my son?

But then again, you’re about to get fucked by him too. So moral questionings doesn’t really matter this time.

“You’re welcome,” Changbin coos. “I’d be happy to cook something else for you another time”.

Another time, the words resonate in your head over and over again. Will this happen another time, too? What will things be like on Monday, for example, when he shows up for work? Will things be weird, or will he be casual about it? What happens if you soon realize it was a mistake?

You’re getting too much into your own head, again, so you clear your throat and shake your head.

“Is everything okay?” he asks you, his lips tinted with the cherry color of the wine. The sight makes you want to lean in and kiss him again, to taste the sweet flavor off his lips, but you’re not brave enough to make the first move.

“I’m just nervous,” you admit, staring at the glass between your hands. “It’s weird that we both know why you are here”.

Changbin lets out a soft scoff.

“And?”

“It feels odd, you know?” You lick your lips. “I don't know what to say, or where to begin. I'm not rushed to get into it, it's just... I don't know what the fuck to do”.

“You don’t need to do anything,” he reassures you, taking one last sip from the wine before putting his glass on the table again. “Why don’t you leave everything to me, hm?”

You gulp loudly and nod, unsure of what that means. But either way, you feel relieved.

He places his hand on your naked thigh, and then guides it a little bit further up. It’s a suggestive touch, but not obsecene —still, you feel your breath hitching. You don't even bother to try and hide your reaction, because the proud smile in his face tells you that he noticed it.

“Come here,” he whispers, guiding his available hand to softly grip your chin and turning it to face him. He doesn’t give you time to process the action, and just crashes his lips into yours. It starts like a peck, but when you part your lips and invite his tongue in, it turns into something else.

Changbin smiles against your lips, again, a proud smile. You can feel his soft scoff when he does so, right before losing yourself in the kiss. A kiss that tastes like wine and mint, that is making your thighs squeeze together even with his hand almost in between them, and that has you gasping for air when you realice you’re running out of breath.

He lets go of you to breathe, but kisses you right after without losing any time. You don’t get to complain because you’re dying for him to kiss you again, so you just take all his lips are offering you.

“You have no idea how many times I’ve fantasized about this,” he murmurs in between kisses. The hand that was forcing your head against his suddenly leaves the sides of your face and travels all the way to your hips, and you instinctively shift your position on the couch until you’re on top of him.

He kisses you one last time on your lips before descending to your neck and chest, peppering kisses all over your naked skin and nibbling at the flesh of your most sensitive spots. You latch your fingers against his dark locks, pulling him in further as you arch your back.

“Changbin,” you sigh, closing your eyes. He hums in response, and you continue, “it has been a while since I’ve been with someone”.

He smirks proudly against your skin and his cock gets even harder; there is something enticing about you being too unfamiliar with sex these days. Knowing that your ex husband, who you utterly despise now, was the last man to ever touch you, turns him on in unimaginable ways.

He has confidence in knowing that probably no man has ever made you feel the same way he is going to make you feel tonight.

“I don’t know why I am telling you this,” you exhale, your body instinctively grinding against his. You can feel some pressure between your legs, and you get wet just by knowing he is hard. Are you really this touch starved?

“You can tell me anything you want,” Changbin smiles, looking up to you with quite a gaze you hadn't seen before.

You whimper when you feel his lips too close to your breasts, and suddenly the clothes you’re wearing feel too uncomfortable. Not only that, but you take him at his word and your mouth starts talking on its own, without your brain knowing about it. Without making any sense.

“I touched myself,” you sigh, looking down on him while he sucks the naked skin of your flesh. “When I found the videos, I touched myself while watching them”.

He let out a quiet chuckle, and his cock twitches at the sudden confession.

“Did you come?” his voice is low, and raspier than it usually is, “watching me stroke my cock with your underwear?”

You swallow thickly, loud enough for him to notice it. That makes him bring back the mental note he made yesterday, when he realized how receptive you are to dirty words.

“I bet you did,” he continues, and you feel your skin getting warmer with each thing he says. Not only that, but the way he is groping your ass and hips isn't helping you in keeping quiet.

“Y-yes,” it’s all you can answer before your words get muffle with your whines, and your hips acquire a pace of its own against his. “Fuck”.

“What where you thinking while watching those videos?” He removes one strap of your tank top and lets it hang around your arm, placing a kiss on the place that was occupied by it just now. “Tell me”.

There were plenty of thoughts roaming around your head as you watched every video, but there was one that predominated over the rest.

“I was thinking about you, eating me out,” even saying those words out loud makes you feel flustered, but you really can't begin to care. For some reason, the way he is looking at you just makes you want to tell him more, let him know about all the things you've thought. “I was- really, just thinking about having your face between my legs, kissing me and just- you know”.

His gaze darkens when you tell him that, and the fabric of his jeans against his crotch starts being unbearable. He can't spend any more time without knowing how you actually taste and smell, other than those used panties he has jerked off to.

At the same time, though, he wants to take his time with you. He doesn't want to rush anything. He doesn't want to jump straight into it. He wants to savor it, just like he spent doing it the past months when all he had was your underwear and the faint smell of cologne you always left around the apartment.

“Yeah?” he purrs in a way that makes your whole skin get cover in goosebumps. He sounds so good when he is aroused, you wonder if he sounds this nice when he is being pleasured.

“Yeah,” you sigh. “I want- that”.

He stops himself for a while, and looks directly into your eyes.

“Do you want me to taste you?”

You nod almost immediately, and you think it's pathetic but Changbin finds it endearing how desperate you are. You really haven’t been touched in a while, he thinks.

“But first,” he guides his hands to the hems of your tank top, and he pulls it up higher as a way of motioning for you to take it off. You follow compliantly and raise it over your arms, discarding it somewhere next to the couch.

Changbin stares at your breasts, and then makes eye contact with you. He holds a teasing gaze that is making you look away timidly.

“Pretty,” he whispers, tracing the lace with the tip of his index finger. “You wore this for me?”

You know he doesn't mean to embarrass you, but the way he is bringing it up makes you feel shy. What else were you supposed to wear? The sports bra and high-briefs you wear on a regular?

His fingers graze against the hems of the short’s waistband and he pulls them down slightly, only to find a pair of laced panties that match the bra. He chuckles softly, but cockily, and that only makes your skin get even hotter.

“Of course you did,” he murmurs, with such a teasing tone that you're not sure if you like it or you hate it. “What else have you done for me, hm?”

You stare at him while he sneaks a hand inside your pijamas, between the fabric of your shorts and your underwear. Two of his fingers come in contact with your clothed pussy, sliding them along your slit while he quietly groans.

“All of this?” he asks you, getting his hand out of your shorts. His fingers are glistening underneath the dim lights of the living room, and you’re surprised at how wet his digits are —you can’t recall a moment in which someone has made your body react like that. “Just for me?”

He loses no time into guiding said fingers into his mouth, he loses no time guiding said fingers into his mouth, wrapping his tongue around them and sucking them off while letting out a soft groan. There's a faint taste of you in them, but it is not enough. Nothing will ever be enough other than tasting you himself, to drag his tongue against your pussy and have you coming all over himself.

So, with a quick movement, he switches the position yet again and sits you right on the couch, kneeling in front of you while he drags your shorts and underwear off of you.

No matter how many times Changbin fantasized about this sight, none of those thoughts compared to the real you. The one in front of him right now, with his legs spread and his cunt soaked.

“Fuck,” he murmurs quietly and, for a second, fear fear washes upon him. What if he gets to finally taste you, and he loses control of himself? What if he comes in his pants right there? He is nearly about to come untouched, and he fears that your taste might trigger his release.

He wraps both of his arms under your thighs and pull you closer to him, making you slide against the couch in a much more comfortable position for you both.

“Is this what you thought about when you were touching yourself?” Changbin asks you, feeling his breath too close to your core that you’re desperate to pull him against it. “Having me between your legs like this?”

You nod eagerly, anticipating the contact of his wet lips against your pussy. He is so close, you can practically feel his nose brushing against your clit.

“Please,” you whimper, your hips grinding ever so slightly against nothing.You’re desperate for his touch, and he is just as desperate to touch you.

He looks at you, and then at the sight in front of him. Never in a thousand years Changbin thought he would have you all for himself. You, the woman of his wildest dreams, the mother of the kid he babysits as a side gig.

Changbin would be lying if the whole age gap situation didn't turn him on even more. It's not particularly the reason why he got so fixated on you, but it was definitely something that he couldn't ignore. You being older than him only fueled his desire to pleasure you, to prove to you that he is better than every man you can think of.

However, he thinks you're conflicted by it. The age gap. You were so reluctant to fall into his charms that you thought it had everything to do with the fact that he was way younger than you. Which partly, it was.

But truth is that the whole thing turns you on too, despite you trying to deny it to yourself.

“You smell so fucking good,” he whispers underneath his breath, digging his finger tips on the flesh of your thighs. Your heart is going at a thousand miles per hour, and you are impatient to feel him against you. So impatient you latch your fingers onto his hair, and guide him even closer to you, until his nose finally makes contact with your sensitive bud.

“Please,” you beg weakly, one more time.

And the next thing you feel, is his tongue lapping at your slit while the tip of his nose presses against your clit even harder, making you feel a weird but pleasant stimulation by doing so.

“God,” he groans against you, gripping your legs harsher. You can hear him moaning and hissing against your pussy, devouring it, licking and kissing every inch of it. He is kind of messy with it, but you adore it. “You taste- fuck, you’re so good”.

You arch your back against the couch, tightening your legs on either side of him as much as the grip he has on you allows you to.

“I want you to come all over me,” Changbin tells you, spitting all over his fingers and your pussy. “Show me how much you’ve thought about this”.

He then sinks his middle and ring finger inside your cunt, feeling your warmth and the way your walls clench around him. You’ve fucked yourself with your fingers, countless of times. But they can’t compare to the way his feel, how much thicker they are, how better they fill you up.

“Shit,” you murmur, furrowing your eyebrows and closing your eyes when Changbin’s tongue makes contact again with your clit, licking it and softly sucking on it while his fingers. “Just- like that”.

The noise his fingers make every time he thrusts them inside you, and your moans combined with his only send you closer to the edge, reminding you who is the man between your legs and how deliciously he is wrecking you.

“Who would’ve thought we were going to end up like this, hm?,” Changbin groans, staring right at you while sucking on your clit. “With you practically grinding your pussy against my face in the living room of your apartment?”

You moan at his words, and keep on bucking your hips against him.

“Did your ex husband ever did this for you, right here?” he asks, and when he feels you clenching almost aggressively around his fingers he realices he’s just discovered something. “Did he taste you like this?”

Because of his job babysitting Jihun, Changbin is fully aware who Kyungho is. They know each other personally, and you've seen them engage in small talk every time Kyungho comes to pick up Jihun to spend the weekend with him.

You don’t see the point in thinking about your ex husband right now, but you find it hot when Changbin is the one to bring his name up.

“No,” you whine, gripping his hair with one of your hands while the other grasps the edge of the couch. “He didn’t”.

“Was he good?” Changbin asks, tilting his head at you. “Was he better than me?”

You shake your head, desperate to come, “n-no”.

“No? He wasn’t this good?” There’s a cocky tone in his voice, and you love it. You love how confident he is getting now that the topic is on the table, and because of how honest you’re really being. It is definitely true —your ex husband wasn’t this good at eating your pussy.

“No!” you gasp, feeling your orgasm getting closer and closer with each word that falls from his lips.

“Who would’ve thought,” he chuckles lowly, offering you a tempting smile, “that men your age can’t make you feel like I can”.

“F-fuck, Changbin,” you feel a spark of electricity that starts on your core and drifts all the way to your feet, making you tremble underneath his hold. You’re almost there, but for some reason you’re trying to hold it in.

As if you wanted to live in this feeling forever, in the sight of Changbin’s dark eyes staring right at you with a desire that you haven’t been able to find anywhere else, in any other man.

“Come for me,” he tells you, fucking you even faster with his fingers. “Make a mess, I need you wet for my cock”.

Him and his fucking dirty talk. It leaves you with no time to process anything, as you’re now coming undone for him, riding his fingers and grinding your hips against his palm while you try to hold tight to the couch, doing everything you can to endure the stimulation.

“Don’t run for me,” Changbin groans, forcing your legs open and holding your right in place. “I know you can take it”.

A sharp, painful moan escapes your lips and your body jolts right in its place, with him still between your legs. Waves and waves of pleasure wash upon you, debilitating you and making you feel dizzy. This is the hardest you've come, ever, and there's no doubt of that.

“C-changbin,” you whine, matching the slow pace of his thrusts with the movements of your hips. You're descending now from your high, and you're again looking forward to feel that ecstasy again.

“Look at you,” he murmurs, smearing your wetness with his fingers. He gives you a soft slap to your pussy that makes your body shakes, and he smiles at how overstimulated you are. “You’re so wet, my cock is going to slide right inside you”.

Your pussy clenches around thin air at the idea.

“N-not yet,” you tell him, and kiss him when he hovers over you to place a peck on your lips. He kisses you deeply again, fucking your mouth with his tongue, allowing you to taste your own orgasm from him.

“Not yet?” Changbin purrs, biting your lower lip and pulling it just enough for you to whine.

“I want to suck you off”.

As desperate as he is to bury his cock inside you, who is he to say no? It’s comically how it all happens too fast, but in the blink of an eye you’ve already swaped positions and he is now sitting on top of the mess you made on the couch, with his legs spread and his jeans unbuckled just enough to free his clothed bulge.

You kneel in front of him, and your pair of curious hands trace the silhouette of his erection over his underwear. With ease, you lower his clothes and free his hard cock, that is already leaking with precum and it’s warm to the touch. There are several, prominant veins that start at the base and fade right near the tip.

Fuck, it’s making your mouth water.

“Good enough?” he asks you, cockily. Perhaps you’re giving yourself away by the way you stare at him like it’s the first time you ever see a cock —it might be, because you can’t think of any other that’s just as appealing as his.

You just nod and grab it by the base, gripping it tightly while you guide your mouth from the top and all along it. It’s taking him a lot of effort not to bust right then and there, with your lips wrapped around his tip while your hand squeeze the base and part of his testicles.

“Swirl your tongue,” he purrs, brushing a strand of hair away from your face. “Get it nice and wet, remember I’m fucking you with it later”.

Like Changbin, you prefer it messy. So you do as he asks you to, you spit on it and smear your own drool all over its length, not caring if you make a mess in the middle.

“You said it's been a long time since you've been with someone,” he groans, kicking his head back and closing his eyes. “But you're still so good at sucking cock. You didn't forget about that?"

It catches you by surprise, but you find yourself getting wetter at the comment. He is not necessarily implying anything, but the tint of humiliation it carries makes you aroused.

“I like that,” you gasp, breathing for air after having all of himself inside you. “I like it when you talk to me like that. It makes me feel kind of humiliated and I like it”.

It isn’t a shocker that his words have an effect on you —yesterday Changbin noticed how weak you are for dirty talk. However, it is a shocker how you trust him with that information, indirectly asking him to do it more.

“Aren’t you full of surprises,” he chuckles.

Perhaps this conversation should’ve taken place earlier, when you two were having a glass of wine. You decided to just go for it, without talking about preferences, likes or dislikes.

It’s not too late to get to know each other, you think. Even when his cock is deep inside your throat and he already made you come once tonight.

“I’m just figuring it out,” you tell him, smacking the tip of his cock against your tongue. Had it been any other time, or any other setting, you probably wouldn’t have had the courage to talk openly about this. “There’s a lot of things I wish to try”.

His eyebrows are furrowed, and his half-lidded eyes are staring right at yours, with his lips parted and a couple of quiet groans escaping through them.

“Tell me about them,” he groans, grabbing a fistful of your hair.

You stroke him softly, coating all his length with your drool and his precum. You can feel his cock twitching inside your fist, and you can also feel how his body spasms every time you squeeze him a bit too hard. You can tell he is close to coming, and you truly wouldn’t mind.

The thing is, you can’t wait to feel him inside you. So you wish to edge him just a bit because there’s something you want.

“Creampies,” you murmur, smiling shyly, while jerking him off. “Not just… creampies but- I want you to come inside me. Watch how it leaks out, knowing it was you who did it”.

You know you’ve hit a weak spot in Changbin when his hips buck against your fist, and he lets out a quiet whimper that shows just how needy he is for you.

He has thought about it, an insane amount of times. But Changbin isn’t in it just for the sake of a creampie, no. He wants to fill you up, completely. To hear you begging for his release, to wrap your legs around his waist and prevent him from pulling out.

Would that be a bit too much to bring up the first time you fuck?

“I can’t wait to be inside you,” he whispers, caressing the sides of your face before putting his thumb inside your mouth. “I want to fuck you right now”.

He stands up from the couch and you follow, feeling a bit confused about the sudden movements. You spent the past half hour or so sucking each other off in this couch, you thought you’d be fucking there too. But it seems as if he prefers a true bed over a couch, and you too, so you don’t say anything.

“This angle is better, right?” Changbin asks you once you’re in your room.

“Huh?”

“The camera,” he replies, grabbing you by your hips and pulling you closer to him. “its placed right above the television, in front of your bed isn’t it?”

You blink a couple of times, trying to understand what he’s all about. Perhaps you're too dizzy from your orgasm and the way his taste lingers on the tip of your tongue, but you're not following him. Still, you nod because he is right —the camera is right in front of your bed.

“I want to fuck you in front of it,” Changbin murmurs, and when the realization hits you can feel your knees going numb. “I want you to go back to this tape when you feel like having my cock inside those holes of you, and I want you to touch yourself watching us”.

You swallow thickly and feel your nipples hardening against his chest, whimpering when you feel the slightest stimulation.

He gives you one last kiss before guiding you into your bed, laying down as you watch how he strips for you.

The way his muscles keep on flexing as he takes off his clothes is hypnotizing. You can see every inch of his soft skin, every curve, every flexed part that demands your attention. You want him to fuck you while he’s hugging you tightly, to trap you between his arms and not allowing you to move.

You want him to use his strength to overpower you, to pin you down and fuck you mercilessly against your own bed.

A bed that you once shared with your ex husband, a bed that will now remind you of that time you fucked with a college student, way younger than you.

“Come here,” he whispers, grabbing your legs and just sliding you over the bed. He then crawls on top of you, positioning himself between your legs while you spread them wide open for him.

God, how much your body turns him on.

“You don’t want me to-”

“No,” you shake your head, wrapping your arms around his neck when he leans over you. “Please don’t use a condom”.

He bites his lower lip when he hears those words from you, and his mind spirals again into this silly fetish of him. Impregnation.

“You’ve wanted this all along, don’t you?” Changbin asks you, pressing his forehead against yours. “I’m sure this isn’t the first time you think about me fucking you raw, letting me come inside you”.

Embarrassingly enough, it isn’t.

“I thought you said yesterday I was too young for you,” he pouts, pressing the tip of his cock against your entrance. Again, you shouldn’t feel aroused when you’re reminded about the elephant in the room, but you are. “Do you still think the same?”

“Jesus,” you sigh, pulling him closer to you. “Don’t remind me”.

“Why not?” he teases you, leaving quick pecks on your cheeks and jaw. “You can’t accept the fact that it’s me who is making you feel this good? Someone that apparently is too young for you, but just made you come harder than your ex husband ever did?”

Again, you grind your hips when he says that.

“I’m starting to think you like me bringing him up,” he chuckles. “Every time I say something like that, you get more desperate”.

“It’s- not that,” you try to explain, arching your back against him. “I don’t- know why it turns me on when you say things like that. When you remind me is you who’s between my legs, someone who is not supposed to”.

“Someone who is not supposed to?” he murmurs, leaving a trail of kisses from your cheeks, along your jaw and into the crook of your neck. “Miss, I know we've thought about this since the day you hire me for the babysitter position”.

The low tone of his voice, and the way he whispers such things against your ear is making you go insane. You need him inside you, and you need him to stop talking if you wish to elongate your orgasm as much as you can.

“Or are you going to deny it?” You don’t answer, which only proves him right. “Don’t go around saying we shouldn’t be fucking, because that’s something you’ve wanted since we met”.

It's only after he finishes when you feel a harsh, sharp thrust of his hips around you, and a sudden stretch that's both painful and pleasant at the same time. He sinks his hips against yours, and his cock bottoms out inside you.

“Fuck,” you groan, digging your nails deeper into the flesh of his biceps.

“You know, that pussy of yours did a good job at coming,” he groans through gritted teeth. “It slipped right inside”.

You moan at his words and spread your legs further, wrapping them around his hips. Changbin gives you a couple of times to get used to his girth, and only starts moving when you ask him to.

“It feels so-,” you want to speak, but it’s practically impossible —you’re too distracted by the feeling of his cock stretching you out. “Shit, you feel so hard inside me”.

“I bet all the other dicks you've had before didn't fill you right,” he groans, thrusting his cock iinside you. “but don't worry, you can have mine whenever you feel like having something worthy between your legs”.

You love how cocky he turns in bed.

“Right there,” you gasp when his cock reaches a particular spot inside your pussy. That spot, that no one but you and his fingers has found before. “Fuck, f-fuck, right there, right there”.

He keeps fucking you for a couple more minutes until he starts feeling your walls clenching around him, similar to when he was fucking you with his fingers. He knows you’re close, and there’s nothing he wants more than for you to come all over his cock.

“I can feel you squeezing my cock,” Changbin hisses, forcing your chin to face him. “Don’t tell me you’re about to come again”.

“S-shit,” you cry. “Yes, f-fuck I’m so close”.

“Already?” he asks you, holding your chin firmly. “Is my cock that good?”

You don’t know what to answer, but his cock it’s the best you’ve ever taken. So maybe yes, his cock is that good.

“And to think that you almost reject me,” he murmurs, his dark, half-lidded eyes fixed on yours. “Now you don’t care that I’m younger than you, do you? Because every time I remind you of it, you clench even harder around me, practically begging for my cum”.

You moan loudly, shamelessly. He is right, and he has been right all along.

“I didn’t think you would give in to me,” Changbin groans against your skin, “but I can’t believe all it took me was to jerk off with your underwear for you to realice that you wanted me”.

It’s embarrassing. But nothing far from the truth.

“I’m- close,” you whisper, feeling the rush of pleasure spreading all over your body. “Please- keep, keep fucking me like this”.

“Open your eyes,” he tells you right after leaving a wet kiss on your cheek. “I want you to look at me when you come”.

It’s difficult when the pleasure is too overwhelming, but you still try.

“If you close them, I’ll pull out,” he wanrs you. “And I know that’s not what you want, so you better look at me while you come. I want you to remember who made you feel this good”.

It doesn’t take you long to reach your orgasm, especially after all the things he said. You grasp onto his shoulders tightly, while your body trembles violently underneath him.

You try so hard to keep your eyes open that they end up rolling to the back of your head, but that sight only makes Changbin’s cock spasm inside your pussy just at the same time you clench around him. He is getting really close, and the way you’re moaning and crying for him is only pushing him further to the edge.

“Look at me,” he demands, right after you’re done reaching your high and collapsing onto the bed. Your arms are still wrapped around his neck, and your legs around his waist. You don’t want him to pull out, you want him to fill you up, to give you all that he has been saving for you.

You stare at him with dazed and glossy eyes, waiting to feel his warmth spreading all along your tummy.

You need him to come inside you, and you need him to know how badly you want it.

“Please,” you beg, grabbing both sides of his face with your hands. “Please come inside me, Changbin”.

The overstimulation is becoming painful, but you’re willing to overcome it as long as he rewards you in the way you want to be rewarded.

“Promise me you’ll keep it all inside you,” Changbin says, his skin glistening in sweat while his dark locks stick to his forehead. “If it leaks out, I’ll fuck it back inside you again”.

“Yes,” you moan, arching your back and pressing your chest against his. “I’ll keep it inside me. Please, just- come for me”.

It’s your weak pleas what really triggers his orgasm. That, and the promise you just made. How you’re willing to keep it inside you, even while knowing the risks of it.

He comes a lot, you can feel it even inside you. He groans, and pants as he comes off his high, hiding his face in the crook of your neck while he tries to stabilize his breathing. You’re still sensitive from your previous orgasms, and feeling him buried deep inside you while he shoots his sticky arousal isn’t doing any favors to the painful overstimulation, but it feels good.

It makes you crave more of him. Even when he is still inside your pussy.

It feels nice to be full. And you wonder when you’re going to get the chance to be fucked by him again.

“Fuck,” Changbin sighs, Pulling out of you delicately, trying hard not to stimulate you further. You whine when you feel the sudden absence of him, and he gives you a cocky smirk. “Miss me already?”

You get up with your elbows and arms against the mattress as you stare right down to you crotch. You can't see it, but you can feel his cum leaking out of you, staining your bed sheets.

“Thought I made you a promise,” you smile, teasingly. “Your cum is leaking out, and I don’t see you fucking it back again”.

You’re surely going to be the death of him, but he has fantasized about you for so long that he is conditioned to get hard any time he sees anything that has to do with you.

Good thing he has great stamina.

And that he is going to fuck you sooner than you’d expect him.

#stray kids smut #skz smut #kpop smut #changbin smut #seo changbin smut

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gadriezmannsgirl · 1 year

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I'll Come With You - P.G

¡Hola! I'm back with another Gavi fic! And just like my last one is TikTok related. I don't even like TikTok but my Youtube feed thinks otherwise and I end up watching some!😅🤣

You guys can send requests, if you'd like. I'd love to do some! Or if you just wanna talk about anything, there's the I'm here✨ Talk to me little button. I'm friendly!😂

Anyways, I'll leave you to read the fic in peace. Hope you like it! Please, let me know what you guys think of it.

P.S: This will start to get annoying for all of us but English isn't my native language, so I'm sorry if there's any misspelled word.

WARNINGS: CRAZY TALKING PABLO AND VERY LIGHTLY SUGGESTIVE CONTENT/ INSINUATION (NOTHING DESCRIPTIVE OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT. IT'S SAFE FOR EVERYONE TO READ)

ENJOY!

You've seen a lot of times around TikTok these little prank, girls often do to their boyfriends, where the guys are doing nothing important and when it's really dark outside, they come up to their guys and say something among the lines of "I'm gonna jog around for a bit" or "I'm going to the store really quick" sort of thing to see their reactions.

You couldn't help but wanted to try it with Gavi, both of you were around the same age, but he definitely had a protective nature when it comes to you, his girl.

No matter who they were, what it was, nothing and I mean absolutely nothing and no one could hurt his girl or even think of it, because, just like he protects his teammates with a strong passion, he does the same with you. Or maybe more.

And he will not hesitate to get in a fight for you.

You knew it. And that's why you wanted to try it.

Gavi was currently on the sofa, watching a lil HBO series, Pedri told him to watch; you decided to start your little prank seeing him so relaxed, you didn't recorded a thing from it, you just wanted to know his reaction.

You pulled the hood of his black hoodie up to your head and went straight to lay on top of him

"Hola tú" He said welcoming you in his arms as you hide your face in the crock of his neck wrapping your arms around his torso, leaving a kiss in his neck.

You smiled feeling Gavi hum at your touch

"Hola" You said softly, you took your face out watching his profile

"Do I have something on my face?"

"Mucha guapura" (A lot of beauty) You joke around watching his smile slowly appear on his face

"That's what I used to make you fall in love with me"

"The ego just entered the conversation" We laugh lightly "I actually wanted to tell you something"

"Something's wrong?" You shake your head 'No' with a soft smile

"I'm not really tired, así que saldré por un ratico, you know... Walk it off" (I'll be out for a lil while) "Maybe jog around for a bit, 'til I grow tired"

"Okay, amor" He said nodding "Although, I have in mind something that can make you tired as well" You hit his arm

"Pablo Páez Gavira!" He laughed hard

"Ten cuidado, ¿Sí?" (Be careful, okay?) He gave you a kiss on your hairline and you slowly stood up walking towards the corridor where the principal door was

"¡HEY, ESPERA, NO!" (Hey, wait, no!) You heard his voice yell making you laugh lightly but tried to play it off when you felt him approach you

"What's up?" You asked

"You're not going anywhere alone, young lady" He said "It's too late for you to just 'Walk it off' all alone" He said putting his shoes on "So, I'll be going with you. We can walk around 'cause I also know you don't like jogging"

"Baby, no. It's alright, I can go on my own, nothing will happen"

"No, Y/N. I'm coming with you"

"Gavi, I'm-"

"I'm not letting you go out alone, amor. Look at you, you're beautiful, any guy would love to have you as his and I'm that fucking lucky guy and I'm taking care of you. I don't want you to be kidnapped without me knowing"

"What?" You asked in between giggles

"In fact, if anyone te secuestra, that would be me. I will not stand it if it goes otherwise. Imagine, me sitting here at home switching channels and the news be like: After a call from the police we can confirm, young lady Y/N got kidnapped. And I'll be like WTF?! It would give me a heart attack! And definitely not a good one"

"Who would call the police?! And after half an hour?!"

"I DON'T KNOW. But if you're gonna act this way with your kidnappers, I'm pretty sure they pay to bring you back here, I will accept you, gladly"

"Pablo"

"So, en resumen... We'll both go out, just in case, I can't allow anything like that happening to you. Not to you and not to my little heart... And if it rains? Dios mio, if it rains you can get sick and that means I won't get besitos for at least tres días!" (Three days) "No, señor, that's even worse. So, it's better if I just go with you"

You were laughing so hard, you were tearing up a bit

"¿Pero de que te ríes? No es gracioso" (But why are you laughing about? It's not funny)

You didn't replied to him, you just went ahead, grabbed both of his cheeks and gave him a kiss on his lips.

"Eres precioso. I'm not going out, it was just a prank, baby"

"Mentira" (Liar) He said after a while making you laugh again

"I just wanted to see your reaction of me going out alone at night" You laughed even more "Kidnapping... What the hell, Pablo?"

"I don't know, ok!? I was worried about you. I don't want anything bad happening to you, I'm sorry" You laughed while kissing his cheek "I don't even know if that made sense"

"Half of it, didn't" You said, lips still on his cheek and laughing "It's okay, I love you and I also love how much you care about me" You whispered against his lips, kissing them repeatedly

"I love you too" Pablo whispered before kissing you once more while wrapping his arms around you and bringing you close to him

"Is that thing that you had in mind a few minutes ago, still on?"

"For you? Always" He said making you laugh once more before picking you up and walking you through the house

°°° °°° °°° °°°

@gaviypedrisbride

#pablo gavi #pablo gavi x reader #Gavi #gavi x reader #fc barcelona #fc barca #he is gorgeous #M. Is writing #writing #pedri gonzalez #pedri x reader

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elementroar · 14 days

Text

Flament Nagel, the Flaming Nail - Paracelsus theory(ies)

This was gonna go out earlier yesterday, but you know, Slayer happened lol.

I feel that ArcSys has been hinting that Paracelsus' 'true nature' is more complicated than described, even more than how his true form being kinda formless and his nature as a morph weapon that reacts to the emotions of his wielder.

So below is his appearance during A.B.A's Instant Kill move back in ACCENT CORE +R, which were a signature cinematic and flashy move that instantly destroys your opponent regardless of health. It's a retired game mechanic now in STRIVE.

So back in their previous appearance back in ACCENT CORE+R, this is the form Paracelsus briefly takes when performing A.B.A's Instant Kill, where he first flies up into the sky while she summons her door.

What’s interesting is it’s only in this form that we see him resemble his original name - Flament Nagel - which is misspelled German for “Flaming Nail”. In no other move or scene does he actually look or behave like a 'nail' that's on fire.

After their enemy is sucked into the door and it closes, Paracelsus returns but in Goku Moroha mode (the extreme mode above his usual Moroha mode) and slices the door in half to break it and ‘seal’ their enemy on the other side to ‘instant kill’ them.

He then slices the doors apart forcefully because he is actually rotated with his blade facing the door. Paracelsus is not facing us the audience in this animation. The 'face' facing us isn't his actual face morphing, but some kind of energy entirely.

What’s more, Paracelsus himself appears to be knocked out (😵) during the entire animation and only opens his eyes after the black smoke dissipates and seems kinda scared or confused at the end of it. Which suggests it isn’t even 'him' doing the attack with A.B.A, or at least not him consciously doing it.

There's the possibility that this smoke and the sludge we now see in STRIVE are suppose to be the same thing, but changed due to art evolution. A kind of formless mass Paracelsus takes on when he doesn't have a definite form, or a form that differs from his default.

I'm not saying Paracelsus was taken over by a completely separate personality or entity, because he still had agency and awareness, he still talked as himself in Moroha mode. And it's clear he enjoys/enjoyed blood and violence and he still reminisces about them with some fondness in STRIVE.

But when he says he "lost his sanity" during his bloodlust, I wonder if it was more like he was partially possessed, and he didn't realize it.

Paramirum

Coupled with his new transformation which is called “hyoui” (“possession”) internally, and his STRIVE axe form has both two 'heads' at once, and is actually a double-bladed axe with one blade broken off. It feels like hints and motifs that Paracelsus is or has multiple entities or personalities in one.

Like on his blade in Jealous Rage mode, that word on the blade is "Paramirum" which is actually one of the books written by the real-life alchemist Paracelsus. It means "beyond wonder". What's more interesting is that the roman numeral Ⅱ is on that blade too, right above "Paramirum".

Does that mean something like a second Paracelsus, or "Paramirum" personality is appearing on that blade? There is a goat's eye on that half in Jealous Rage, which gets much larger in hyoui mode. Could this be his old goat's head personality reappearing indepedently of the main Paracelsus personality?

(There's also text on Paracelsus' end in Jealous Rage, but I can't tell what it is from the gallery images, prolly will need to see the actual model textures)

It should also be noted that in his original Moroha mode, it’s shown that only one of his eyes lights up. So the idea of him being somehow ‘half’ isn’t entirely new to STRIVE.

It’s also not clear if Paracelsus is actually aware in red hyoui mode, and if it's actually him snarling with A.B.A in her attack. His regular face is apparently still there when the attack happens, according to this concept art, so it's a second face appearing on the blade half. Could this actually be a completely separate personality from the main Paracelsus?

Personal headcanon/theory

My personal headcanon now is that ArcSys is heavily hinting a dual-personality situation with Paracelsus. If he really is actually a twin-bladed axe that got one edge broken off, then maybe the Paracelsus we know is ‘half’ of his full personality and is technically incomplete. If Moroha partially reveals his other personality, maybe they use to both be present at the same time (both blades present) but now only one can take dominance at one time (as a single bladed axe).

Or a new personality is emerging that's in response to A.B.A's bloodlust in STRIVE.

There's also a lesser-known property of magical foci like Paracelsus, in that they described as 'physical proxies' to the real 'data' they're pulling from in the Backyard (think in computer terms: the main Guilty Gear world is really more like the Windows Desktop of reality while the Backyard is the actual hard drive).

It really doesn't come up much, maybe in I-No's story, but functionally doesn't mean anything for characters like Paracelsus. Usually.

But there's an interesting thing with what we see pop up out of A.B.A's door when she does her Keeper of the Key Overdrive.

The multiple tentacles are made of sludge similar to Paracelsus' form, have eyes similar to Paracelsus', and also sharp blades and red energy. The Jealous Rage version even reminds me of Paracelsus' other nickname, 'the Sanguine Gale', where he supposedly swung so fast that he sent blades of wind out to slash at enemies back in his berserker days. The Jealous Rage version has the tendril twist around like a tornado with blades extended.

My theory is THAT is part of Paracelsus' 'full body' back in the Backyard. A giant formless mass much like Paracelsus' true sludgy form, that is summoned A.B.A unlocks the way to it when she uses Paracelsus himself as the key, and reacts to A.B.A's wish for them to attack by forming blades and lashing out.

Maybe it's a giant collection of multiple souls, entities, and memories, because magical foci can be created from multiple things attaching to each other and an object or human. In its case, I can imagine it's the collective memories of warriors who died on the battlefield, that melted together in the Backyard and attached themselves to a weapon - an axe.

And Paracelsus could be just one facet of the collective whole that has grown independent in the physical world of GG.

But big reminder that this is all my personal speculation. I don't expect ArcSys to ever definitely say what's coming out of the door; because there's always the chance it's really just 'rule of cool' like most things in the game, to be honest.

But I like to think it's not a coincidence that A.B.A's new Overdrive has her actually use Paracelsus as a key now, and she's summoning something that looks like it's also sludge like him.

#guilty gear strive #a.b.a guilty gear #paracelsus guilty gear #aba guilty gear #arc system works #ggst

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sfstranslations · 18 days

Note

how hard(?) would you say it is to translate? Ive been kinda curious about that, like does anything get lost in translation/ just not make that much sense without knowing the og language? or anything like that? 🤔

Hm, maybe 7 or 8 on a scale of 10? Though it can easily go higher at times, haha. (Always when Sung Hyunjae is in a scene because his name is a misspelling and it pisses me off.* This is a joke. Only half, though.) Basic word-by-word dictionary lookup is simple, which is why machine translators can do it well enough. But then you have to string all of it together in a sentence where you:

figure out and find a way to convey any difference in connotation between this specific chosen word and other words that mean the same thing (think the connotations of "regal" VS "royal" in English), and

do the same as above, but on a sentence-wide level translating the nuance of a particular grammar/sentence structure (thousand and one sentence endings in Korean, I swear -_-), and

make sure distinct character voices are retained or translated from the original Korean (think Song Taewon's stiff formality VS Han Yoojin's more casual speech VS Sung Hyunjae's middle-aged rich guy-type speech), and

make sure this sentence flows with the overall paragraph/chapter.

All those priorities have to be juggled throughout the chapter and add up to make it a fairly hard task. It definitely gets easier with practice once you're more familiar with the language (especially the nuance/connotation stuff), though, and I did get lucky in that my native language shares some aspects with Korean so the grammar is easier to intuitively grasp. Of course, I'm still learning, so I do have times I need to call in more experienced speakers for help.

(I definitely wouldn't say I'm good with the language period. Recently I've tentatively picked up a new novel—people following my personal blog will know which one—and it turns out I'm familiar with the way Geunseo talks and familiar with the vocabulary typical to dungeon fantasy novels, but kind of. Majorly hopeless when it comes to other stuff. The phrasing is juuust off enough that I keep getting tripped up and taking thrice as long to understand what's being said.)

There's definitely stuff that wouldn't make sense in English—certain idioms, cultural stuff, and all that, but that's why I try to localize wherever possible and add footnotes with relevant info/links if not. And there is stuff that gets lost in translation—you can look at the chapter titles from 302–307 for an example of that, where the joke is much more immediately obvious in Korean but had to be translated differently as chapter title VS in-chapter text messages and lost the clear parallel. I also remember being grumpy back during the virtual reality dungeon arc because Yoohyun would use 네놈 (ne-nom but typically pronounced ni-nom, a derogatory way to say "you", LMAO) towards Sigma and there was no concise way to get that across in English except having him be aggressive and direct. Especially since he isn't the type to swear by word of god, so I couldn't have him addressing him with "asshole" or "jerk" to convey it.

TL;DR: Fairly hard to translate, but gets easier with time, and there is stuff that's lost or difficult to understand, but I do what I can to make it understandable in English!

* Sung Hyunjae uses "ae" at the end, but that implies it's 성현재, which is wrong—the correct spelling is 성현제, which should be "Sung Hyunje". (If you wanted to go the full Revised Romanization route, it'd be Seong Hyeonje, but I've weathered my share of name changes and that's a step too far even for me.) I've been meaning to make a poll about changing it like with the Lauchitas spelling, but I keep forgetting.

#not update #ask #anonymous

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xcaptain-winterx · 8 months

Note

Plz plz plz make part 2 of the Steve rogers x Recuit reader🙏🥺

Be a man

Steve Rogers x reader

summary: Steve is a burned chicken nugget

warnings: awkwardness, Bucky being a wingman, angst, fluff, flu, shy Steve, no cum

a/n: English is not my first language, meaning you will probably find a lot of misspelling etc. I think I did a lot of mistakes in this fic

Part 1 Part 3

Main Masterlist Steve Rogers Masterlist

“How is he doing?” Sam asks as Bucky steps out of Steve’s bathroom.

“You mean because of how he embarrassed himself in front of his girl or because of the fact that he swallowed his own cum?”. Bucky leans against the wall next to Sam.

If Steve wasn’t feeling that bad and if he hadn’t witnessed, the whole thing in front of him, Sam would have laughed at the mere fact that Bucky used swallowed and cum in the same sentence. He would’ve never thought that Steve would do this kind of thing. He thought Bucky would do that to be honest, and on purpose.

“Both”.

“Not good, not in the slightest. Probably won’t ever come out of his room again. Can’t blame him though” Bucky says, giving Sam a sad smile, “I would have changed my name and moved states if that happened to me, and faked my own death for my new identity”.

Sam gives him the side eye, “sounds like you already planned this whole ‘if’ situation. Sometimes you really fucking scare me, Gandalf”.

Now it’s Buckys turn to give Sam the side eye, “Don’t call me that”.

“Why?”

“I’m not like him in the slightest?”

“Yeah, old, wrinkly, gray hair, bad posture, looking lost all the time, long hair, packed, greasy-“

“I’m not greasy, bird brain, and what do you mean with packed?”

Sam thinks for a second; he’s been waiting for this opportunity for a long time. “It means good, very good”. He can’t wait to tell Tony what he did.

Bucky turns to Sam, “so you think I’m a good guy?”.

“Definitely, a very packed guy” Sam says nodding, hiding his smug smile. He doesn’t miss the small happy expression that crosses Bucky’s face. Just as Bucky is about to say something, they hear Steve emptying his stomach again. Bucky curses and rushes into the bathroom to Steve.

He rubs Steve’s back while he is throwing up, exactly like he did back in the old days. Back when everything near Steve could make him sick.

Once he emptied his stomach, Bucky fills him a glass of water and sits down next to him on the bathroom floor. Steve’s eyes are red and teary and face pale as a ghost. He gives him a faint nod as Bucky gives him the glass.

“Slow sips” Bucky says, helping him holding the glass du to him shaking. Once Steve is done, he gives Bucky a small thanks and rests his head against the wall.

It’s silent now, no voice that echoes through the bathroom. You can only hear the faint sound of Sam’s foot tapping the floor outside the bathroom. Bucky is the first to break the silence.

“What are you feeling?”

Steve scoffs, and Bucky swears he can see his eyes water for a second. “I feel like an idiot” Steve says.

“What do you mean?” Bucky asks, helping Steve as he tries to get up. Steve looks deep into Bucky’s eyes when he finally stands. Bucky can see the clear pain in his eyes. Not only pain, but complete exhaustion.

“I was an idiot for thinking I actually had a chance with her” he whispers before pushing Bucky’s hand off him and walks out of the bathroom.

Sam was in with a confused expression, questioning what they talked about because Steve just walked away. Normally Steve is the last person to walk away from a conversation with his Bucky. He won’t say best friend because he’s obviously Steve’s best friend. 100%.

“What happened?” Sam finally asks.

“Get your running shoes” Bucky says, not giving Sam a single glance as he walks out. He leaves an even more confused Sam behind.

��Running shoes?”

Two days passes in which Steve didn’t leave his room ones. In that time Bucky had to bring Steve some food because he wouldn’t even leave his room for that. Bucky didn’t care about Steve’s reasoning that he’s a super soldier and can go days without eating. It may be true, but there is no way in hell that Bucky would let Steve ‘starve’ himself. Bucky’s mom would be proud of him for still taking care of poor Steve.

Steve appreciated Bucky for taking care of him, even though he told him to stop. He just wanted to be alone under his bedsheets, wishing he was dead.

Somehow, Steve managed to get sick. Steve, the super soldier Rogers, got sick.

It took Bucky every strength to get Steve to agree to put on some pants and go see the medic. Now he’s helping Steve walk to the med. Knowing Steve isn’t a big fan of people seeing him in such a state, especially someone specific, they take the stairs instead of the elevator.

“Sit down, pal” Bucky says, walking to the examination bed and helping him up and making sure that Steve is comfortable. Just as Steve is up on it, Bucky’s phone starts to rink.

“Hello?” Bucky asks, picking up the phone quite fast. Steve stares at Bucky, trying to listen to who it is. He’s been in his room for days, not doing anything. Seeing Bucky talking to someone on the phone is the most exciting thing he has seen in days.

“Alright” Bucky hangs up. “I need to go”

“What?”

“Sam is in trouble”

“And he called you?” Steve asks

“No, security did”

“…..what?”

“I need to go, Steve. I will come back later”

“Wait wait wait, no!” Steve begs, grabbing Bucky’s hand as he stands up “don’t leave me alone. I can’t do this without you”. Steve gives Bucky his best puppy eyes.

“It’s just the doctor, Steve”

“But what if-“ Steve gets cut off by Bucky.

“I really need to go, Steve. The faster I go the faster I will be back” he says walking out, giving no room for Steve to say something.

Steve is now alone in the med, waiting for the doctor. Hopefully Bruce.

He tries to calm his breathing, telling himself that everything is ok, that she isn’t here, then Banner will soon be here. You’re not a medic or something close to-

“Hello, Mr Rogers”

God, please no

“I heard you aren’t doing that good. What’s wrong”

No, no no no

“Mr Rogers?” you ask, putting on some gloves.

Steve snaps back to reality as you touch his shoulder. Even through the glove, he can feel the warmth of your fingers. There’s nothing more he would rather have than hold your hand in his. He imagines how he holds your hand while dancing to some soft music, any kind of music. Steve would even dance with you to heavy metal if that’s your favorite music. “Hello”.

“Hi” you say smiling at him. “How are you feeling?”.

“I uhm…I’m tired, my eyes are burning sometimes and I feel like a burned chicken nugget” Steve says. He remembers how one’s Sam told him that ‘burned chicken nugget’ means feeling warm.

Steve looks up at you and gives you a small smile. He is trying his best not to cry because of nervousness.

“A burned chicken nugget?” you ask, chuckling.

Steve blushes “y-yeah”. Hearing your sweat laugh makes him turn bright red. He just hopes you don’t notice. You likely will, though.

“Well, isn’t that a unique description” you say while writing down his symptoms. After writing it down, you take a thermometer and turn back to Steve, “please open your mouth, Mr Rogers”.

Steve does as he’s told, and you put the thermometer in his mouth. Steve uses the moment where you are not looking to take you in fully. The lab coat really suits you, so does your small bumblebee patch on the front pocket of the coat. Not only does your outfit make his heart beat faster but also your eyes. You are wearing something Steve believes to be called mascara. At least, that is what Natasha told him a few months ago, as he had to wait for her to finish her makeup before a mission.

Soon a beep tone comes from the thermometer, and you take it out of his mouth. You looked at the thermometer shocked “oh, you are hot”

“So are you” Steve says without thinking.

“What?” you surely misheard him.

“What?” Steve wants to throw himself out the window. The silence between you two screams that this is awkward. Thankfully, you just drop it and instead take your glove off and place your hand on Steve’s forehead. He’s burning up.

“I think we should perhaps draw some blood, Captain” you walk to grab everything you need while Steve already rolls his sleeve up. Only problem is that he’s wearing a sweatshirt, despite feeling like he’s on fire, and he can’t roll it far enough up. You see that and say “perhaps you should remove your sweatshirt”.

Steve is dying on the inside. The hesitation is clear on his face and you notice that.

“I mean you don’t have to, but I won’t be able to draw some blood”

You know that it’s important to draw some blood, especially from him, because a normal person would be close to dying with his temperature. He most likely isn’t because of the serum, so you aren’t panicking that much, but he is still suffering.

Steve can hear the concern as you speak and knows it’s important to draw some blood. He needs to just be a man for ones and jump over the shadow of little twink Steve. With that he takes his sweatshirt off, revealing his sweat covered bare upper body.

You stare at his chest for a bit, checking out his almost shining muscle, while making a ‘damn boy’ expression.

Steve can’t tell if you’re judging his body or if you think he looks good. He hopes you think he looks good. He stops breathing as you take your eyes off of him and prepare to draw some blood.

“Are you nervous?” you ask, immediately wanting to slap yourself as you realize you asked freaking Captain America if he’s scared of needles. “Sorry, obviously you aren’t”.

Steve chuckles. “They are nothing new to me. Had to get them a lot when I was smaller”.

“You got sick a lot?”

“All the time. I was the sick kid back then. This is the first I’ve been sick in seventy years”

“Well then, we better make sure you get better soon” you say preparing the needle. Even though Steve is not scared you still try to distract him from the needle “I heard you sketched a lot. A true artist”.

Steve smiles at that….until he realizes that you know a thing that he almost no one knows. It’s true that he likes to sketch and draw, but he does that when he’s alone. There is no way you could know that.

While Steve questions how you could possibly know that, you start to slowly push the needle into his skin. He comes back to reality when he feels your hand touch his bare arm. Surprisingly, he’s not getting hard.

He still puts a hand over his area, just to make sure.

“Yeah, I uhm did- still do”

“What do you sketch?”

“Buildings, the nature, animals, just beautiful stuff in general” he says, not telling you that you are currently his number one thing to sketch. Steve doesn’t need to see you to sketch you. You are constantly in his head, every detail of your face is tattooed in his brain.

“I always love to paint sunsets” you say.

“You paint?” he asks, kind of surprised, but also excited.

“Yeah, I used to go to art classes when I was a teenager” you say smiling, carefully pulling out the needle.

“I did too”

“Seems like we have something in common” you say, looking up at him and giving him smile.

“I guess we do” Steve says, looking down at his lap, blushing even more. As his eyes move back up, something yellow caught his eyes.

A bright yellow bumblebee bandage.

You notice him looking at his arm. “Oh, I uhm-I don’t know where the other bandages are and I always carry those with me. I know they aren’t exactly what people above the age of ten prefer, but I like to say they bring luck” you say, not looking him in the eyes. It’s at that moment that Steve realizes that he never liked someone as much as you. “I’m sorry if you don’t like it, but Dr Banner didn’t tell me where they are before he left”

“Left?” Steve asks.

“With agent Romanoff. I believe she told me they were going to Norway”.

He definitely missed a lot during his depressive episode.

“You are done” you say, giving him his sweatshirt. “The results will come in tomorrow. I will inform you once they are here, Captain. Till then I can give you something that can perhaps help you, at lest for tonight”.

Steve nods, putting his sweatshirt back on “t-thanks”

“It’s my job, Captain Rogers” you say, looking at him with a smile that he can only describe as the smile of an angel, filling his body with a warmth that he never felt before.

“I-I know, but still” Steve says, looking you deep into the eyes. He takes a deep breath. This may be his chance. “Perhaps I could repay you. W-would you like to go-“

The door slams open and Tony fucking Stark walks in.

Oh, how much he wants to throw Tony out of the window just now.

Tony stares at the both of you, raising a brow, continuing his search for something. “Am I interrupting something?” he asks.

“No, Mr Stark”

“Yes, Tony”

You look at Steve, while he stares at the floor. He feels so embarrassed as he realizes what he said. It doesn’t make it better that Tony stopped walking and is now staring at him too.

“Damn Rogers, didn’t know you-“

Steve slams the doors open and storms out. This is even more embarrassing than as he swallowed his own cum in front of you. Everything was going great. He was talking to you without stuttering like a complete idiot. He managed to not get hard while you touched him. You both were talking about something you have in common.

He wishes Banner would have checked him up, then he wouldn’t have embarrassed himself like that. Why did he have to be sick the one time Banner isn’t there? Why didn’t Bucky tell him that Banner wasn’t-.

Steve stops walking as he realizes.

“You are fucking dead, Barnes”

tag: @purple-ash27 @catluv3rrr @james-bb-1917 @bitchy-bi-trash

#chris evans #steve rogers #steve rogers imagine #steve rogers fanfiction #steve rogers fic #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers imagines #steve rogers x y/n #steve rogers x you #captain america #captain america x y/n #captain america x you #captain america x reader #steven grant rogers #xcaptain winterx

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sacchiri · 2 months

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I recently bought the jp volumes of Hellsing along with the guidebook, and since I'm reading the series in its native language for the first time I might as well share some random things that stood out to me in no particular order.

This isn't meant to be an analysis of translation differences, I'm too lazy for that. Also it's been 12 years since I've watched the anime and read the low quality fan scans of the manga so some of these comments are just "Lol, forgot this was a thing"

Volume 1

... I really want to know who this guy is at the beginning, yelling at Alucard in overly familiar language to "Get your shit together!" and "You're the only one we can count on!!". We know from the style of speech that it's a dude, probably just some Hellsing rando, and maybe it's not all that strange since he has probably been working with the same soldiers for years--but it's still funny.

"I know, it's just so nice out :("

..The way "HELLSING Organization" is spelled out like this reminds me that apparently the name is supposed to be an acronym. No really.

...

God they're so silly.

Now that I think about it, the only thing Seras has done this chapter since being turned into a vampire is say "I'm sorry" over and over.... girl you got shot in the lung, why are you apologizing

Not a huge difference, but what Integra actually says here is "Leaving a corpse here for 20 years... You're a terrible person too, Father" and not "What were you thinking, Father?" as the Dark Horse translation suggests (note the lack of question mark in the raw version). I thought that might be of interest to some.

Something else I thought was interesting is the first line Alucard ever says to Integra, and how uncharacteristically polite he sounds.

O-kega wa gozaimasenka- That's two honorific 御's back to back! (He even said them in kanji, even Walter isn’t that straightlaced and he’s literally the butler.) This is also the only time Alucard uses this overly flowery gentlemanly language with her, and good thing too because it would be so annoying if he spent the whole manga ending his sentences with ~gozaimasu.

What I'm trying to get at is, after seeing this sentence in the Japanese version, I'm like 100% sure he actually heard her when she was mumbling to herself about hoping to find a knight in shining armor, and he was totally going the extra mile in playing into that role for their first encounter. Which is kind of sweet.

Lol they misspelled Alucard on the top left... or rather, they incorrectly spelled it right?

One would normally expect Alucard to be written アルカード, and indeed pixiv dict lists アーカード as a misspelling (the u sound is weak in Japanese, so it's easy to mishear arukādo as ākādo). Hirano was definitely aware of the correct spelling though, since he used it in the pilot chapter and in his old character sheets. It was only when the manga officially began that he switched to the アーカード spelling. I doubt it was because of copyright issues because there is already a long precedent of vampire characters named アルカード in various old manga, OVA, and games in Japan that have coexisted without issue (like this guy Hirano mentions in volume 1's afterword).

Most likely Hirano simply thought it looked better, or was a means of differentiating his character from the others somehow. It certainly makes life easier for Japanese fans searching for fanart since アーカード is only going to bring up Hellsing and not the Castlevania character.

Jan Valentine even pokes fun at the spelling discrepancy later in volume 2, but since there wasn't a good way of expressing this in English it was left untranslated.

(Speaking of spelling inconsistencies, there's a lot of minor details I'm noticing now, like half the time the furigana for 吸血鬼 is written バンパイア and the other half it's ヴァンパイア... anyway)

Um, just noticed literally everyone's wearing glasses What should I do

Hirano's habit of jotting random comments underneath his panels is one of the underrated perks of reading the manga

The Dark Horse translation almost makes it sound like she's looking forward to seeing this battle play out, while in the Japanese she simply sounds apprehensive. Almost as if she's worried about them? And she's going out on the field personally to make sure nothing bad happens? Aww

Ok this is a weird tangent, but I just noticed the scans of the Dark Horse version I've been looking at use a slightly larger image range than the Japanese version does. It was only noticeable when I got to this part:

The second image is what the Japanese version of the scan looks like and I can confirm that this is what it looks like in my physical volume as well. You shouldn't be seeing the messy borders of the inking on the bottom like that.

Manga manuscripts are set up so that there are a few millimeters of bleed border around each page. You're supposed to color and line all the way up to (4) while keeping in mind that printing and paper cutting may result in the image being trimmed up to (3).

Either Hirano didn't color his lines all the way to (4) (this man has been drawing manga for years but this is Hirano we're talking about so it's very possible), or Dark Horse didn't honor the original bleed borders of the manuscript. I'm kind of leaning towards the former since there was a Hellsing exhibit in Japan a few years back where you could look at Hirano's original manuscripts and there's one where you can clearly see that he spilled a mug of tea or coffee across the entire page

Anyway, it's weird, and I'm curious to see if someone that owns a physical copy in English can confirm whether theirs actually looks like that. It's volume 1, page 141.

#hellsing #integra hellsing #alucard #seras victoria #i'm too lazy to do this for all the volumes #unless someone REALLY wants to see them for some reason but i doubt it

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joongwooclub · 2 years

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fated || j. yh.

pairing: fem!reader x jeong yunho

tags/warnings: childhood friends to strangers to friends to lovers, fluff, smut near end, dilf yunho, yunho’s child likes fem!reader a lot. [aged up reader and yunho]

word count: 6.0K

✩: authors note - this was a quick (not to quick) brainrot, so please know this may contain grammar inaccuracies + misspells and I haven't had time to revise due to university.

✩: reblogs / comments + feedbacks are appreciated!! story under cut!

Jeong Yunho has been my best friend since childhood, we went through every single small and big situation I can imagine. I didn’t know when it happened but I had feelings for him. Maybe it was his golden retriever personality, or his tall body portion with his long delicate fingers that caressed your face. Shaking my head to get the perverted thoughts away from my mind, I looked at the boy next to me. His side profile was perfect as always as he laughed at a comment a fellow classmate said. It was a late Friday night, sitting in the bar with a small group of friends from my last year classes. It was bizarre to think that it was the last year of college and after this, everyone will be on their way to their own life. “Yunho-ah, what will you be doing after finishing the last year?” Mina asked, her eyes fluttering in a way to send flirtatious signals. Yunho gave her a smile, and it made my stomach turn. Was I jealous? Very much, but I couldn’t do anything since Yunho wasn’t my boyfriend. Just a crush. “Well hopefully I’ll level up soon at my workplace, I want to do business once I finish here.” He answered, a hand on his lap as his legs were crossed, like a true gentleman, I bit my lip as the group spoke.

My energy slowly runs out to communicate. Yunho glanced over at me and rubbed my arm softly, “Hey..you tired?” I nodded slowly, “Let’s go back home?” He whispers, my cheeks grew with blush as he was so attentive to my energy, but as well as he said ‘home’ like we lived together. I nodded and got up, “It’s getting late so me and y/n will be heading back. You guys stay safe.” Yunho smiled before handing some money to another friend to pay for his and my drink. “Yuyu, I can pay for my own drink.” I pouted. He just poked my cheek and shook his head, “nope~ I got it.” He didn’t even let me finish my new sentence as he took my hand and walked me out of the bar. Luckily we didn’t drive, so we were able to just grab a taxi and even more luckily, we lived a few blocks from each other. As the taxi took us back to my house, I looked out of the window, the night view flew by. I sighed, Yunho looked over at me. “What’s up sweetheart?” he questioned, I looked at him and smiled softly, “Just wondering how we would be once we graduate.” I spoke softly. Yunho awed and took my hand into his, his warmth warming my cold hands, “Well, we will have each other no matter what.” “promise?” “promise.”

[ 4 years later ]

That night with Yunho felt like it was a day ago. The promise of staying together soon broke as graduation happened and life became busy. Last thing I knew was that Yunho was now a CEO of a business, while I currently work at a small (not so quiet) preschool as a teacher. All those years for a teaching degree and I still landed a job to work with small kids. Could it be the baby fever? Maybe, but the thought of one day having a family was nice, but definitely not now. I mean, I am only 25 years old, almost 26 now. It was normal to think about family now since it was my mid-20’s but, no one ever caught my eye–not since yunho at least. “Ms. Y/L/N~” A small child called my last name, I turned around and smiled as my eyes landed on one of my favorite students, “Hi nina~ how are you.” I cooed softly crouching down to be eye level with her. Her brown eyes shined brightly as she was a naturally giggly, happy child. “Ma dada ist picking me..” she said. I tilted my head smiling at her, knowing she was still young so developing her speaking skills was something we wanted to work on. “Your daddy is what sweetheart?” I asked. “Picking me..um..up! Like sky!” she said excitedly. “Oh, picking you up! How nice~ what about mama?” I asked. “Mama don’t live with us. She went away.” she spoke naturally. I was shocked. I knew her mother, she wasn’t the best but she was trying as a young mom, around my age, so I didn’t have the right to judge. As Nina said that, she went back to playing with the other kids outside, the giggling and lively screaming of the kids echoing through the small playground. I stood up and started to clean up around the table area, glancing at the clock outside and notice the time they were about to be picked up. As soon as the clock hit 5pm, our alarm to come inside rang. Some kids ran inside, while others put away their toys from the playground back into the outside box and went inside. I gave them small smiles as we helped put on their shoes if they couldn’t do it themselves. One by one each parent came to pick up their child. Nina waited in the corner, tippy toeing to look out the small child level window. I cleaned up the remaining trash and watched for every parent and child that left.

Almost a full 30 minutes went by and Nina was still here. “Nina sweetheart, where’s daddy?” I asked, sitting down next to her crisscrossed. “Works late…he come..” Nina mumbles sadly. Her head tilted down and I saw her fumble with her hands, I bit my lip, feeling sorry, Nina’s mom was always a few minutes late, but not like this. So I took her tiny hands into mine and gave her a smile. “How about we play princesses?” I suggested. “Yay!! Princesses!! Will you be princess too?” I giggled at her half full sentences; I nodded and she smiled ear to ear. I rumbled through the toy box near us and pulled out some dolls. Nina finally sat down across from me and started playing, immediately forgetting about her late father. It was some minutes after when the door opened. Nina looked up and gleamed with happiness as she rushed to get up and run to whoever came in. I stood up and patted down my work jeans and looked at the figure. He had black hair, broad shoulders, he was clearly tall despite the fact he was bending down to kiss his daughters forehead. The obvious sweating told me that he rushed here as quickly as he could. “I’m terribly sorry for being late, please forgiv-..y/n?” his sentence stopped and I stared back. “Yunho?” I was shocked. His eyes turned from shock to the smile he gave in college, “daddy you know ms. Y/L/N?” Nina asked, looking between us. “Yes baby, we went to school together.” Yunho smiled, squatting down to his daughter. “HOW?! You look old, she’s pretty!!” Nina screeched. I held back my giggle as she said, “Nina sweetheart, don’t call your dad old.” I chuckled.

Yunho laughed and patted his daughter’s head, “come on baby, let’s go home.” He stood up and held Nina’s hand. He gave me a sweet smile, “I really am sorry that I’m late. Even though I’m a boss at my own company, it’s so much harder to leave. Was she okay?” Yunho asked, I nodded. “Of course, Nina is one of my favorite students.” I smiled, walking back to the dolls on the ground to put them away, “Nina told me about her mother not being able to pick her up anymore?” I mentioned. Yunho’s face turned pale, “y-yeah..c-can we talk about it outside?” He asked. I simply nodded and made sure everything was cleaned, grabbed my tote bag, and keys to lock the door, turning off the lights before closing the door behind me. Yunho parked his car right on the driveway of the preschool and lifted Nina into the backseat, putting on her seatbelt, before telling her “daddy needs to talk real quick ok? Listen to music.” as he turned on a seat tv and Elsa's Frozen started playing. As he closed the door, making sure to lower the windows a bit for air to circulate, he looked at me. “She listens to frozen loudly. So we can talk normally.” he said, and he was correct as I heard Nina sing very loudly to the song, mumbling at parts she couldn't understand. “No worries. I only mentioned cause she told me, but for file reason, I have to add you. Will she be coming back soon?” I said looking at him fondly. Yunho shook his head in a no motion, “I want to say unfortunately no, but I’m happy. We filed for a divorced a while ago because she told me she found someone better and the guy treated her better..whatever that meant. I just got full custody over Nina. You can remove Kyomi Cheng and add Yunho Jeong instead.” He explained. I made a mental note about the info, “Alright, thank you. I will make sure to update the files tomorrow morning.” Some silence filled the air before I made a comment. “Still can’t believe you’re here.” I chuckled. He smiled and nodded, “yeah, can’t believe we live in the same city even though we went to school somewhere else. Do you live around here?” “I do. A few blocked in Willow Crossing.” Yunho’s eyes opened in shock, “No way! I live in Fairview Estates!” I was equally shocked. Fairview Estates were the more expensive places, but it was really close to where I lived. “Wow, fate really has us.” “yeah..” I gave him a smile and hugged him, which shocked him again but his gentle arms hugged me back. “Well get home safely, I’ll see Nina tomorrow.” “First thing in the morning.” Yunho smiled. I waved bye to Nina who smiled and waved goodbye back and walked to my car. My heart was racing like a teenage girl again, seeing Yunho like that was like college. He still looked the same, except his face got sharper, he grew muscles, he was taller, and god, he smelled so good in the hug. His cologne clogged my mine, it smelled like Ferrari Light. I shook my head, I can’t believe I’m falling in love with him again just by seeing him. I focused on my way home, stopping by the store to pick up food for dinner and went home. The long day finally tiring my body as soon as I sat down to eat. My phone buzzed and I glanced at the time. 7:50 pm, I furrowed my eyebrows as I usually never have messages or calls at this time.

Unknown Number, 7:51 pm : HIIIII MS. Y/L/N

Unknown Number, 7:51 pm: I’m sorry y/n. Nina took my phone after I said I still had your number. Just wanted to say thank you for watching her. Would you like coffee tomorrow morning?

I smiled at my phone, even as a single dad now, Yunho was still the same. Caring and selflessness. I picked up my phone and typed back.

Me, 7:53 pm : Would love coffee!

Yuyu, 7:54 pm: Caramel Macchiato like the old days, right? :)

I blushed as he remembered my order even though it was years ago since we last saw each other. I texted back and smiled.

Me, 7:55 pm: wow, still remembered =D, anyways get Nina to sleep. I’ll see you tomorrow. Goodnight Yunho!

Yuyu, 7:55 pm: No Yuyu? :(

Me, 7:56 pm: okay, goodnight yuyu~

Yuyu, 7:56 pm: :D Goodnight doll (still your favorite nickname right?) Nina says goodnight as well. See you tomorrow.

I felt my cheeks fill with blush as he used a nickname (more of a pet name) I haven’t heard in a while. The way he used to say it in college always made me weak in the knees. It was honestly pathetic of me for feeling like this from just one moment with him. I sighed and put my phone on my night stand, the only light was coming from my lamp. I wonder how Yunho acted now since he has a little girl, does he tuck her in at night? Cuddle her as she falls asleep? Maybe he uses his puppy-like pout to get his little girl to giggle when she’s upset. ‘Why am I thinking like this?’ I mumbled to myself. Reaching over and turning off my lamp to try and sleep. ‘Let’s hope I can function in the morning’

The loud beeping from my alarm blared through my silent bedroom. I groaned and pressed stop, lazily getting out of bed. I looked at my phone, going to the weather app to see what the weather was like for today. The temperature was starting to get colder, and those weathers are what I liked the most. I got up and went to my closet to grab a beige turtleneck, topping it with a loose sweater to hang, wearing some simple leggings. After getting ready and adding small accessories, I quickly grabbed my bag and keys to drive to the school. It wasn’t a bad drive today, the crunchy leaves making me smile brightly as I walked towards the door. Setting up the classroom was easy and I finished quite quickly as the kids wouldn’t be there for another hour or so. So I sat down onto my chair in my corner and typed away on my computer, until I received a message.

Yuyu, 9:20 am: Good Morning :D, Nina has something waiting for you at the door!

I giggled and put my phone down to walk to the door to open it. I see Nina holding a Starbucks sandwich bag and holding my drink. “WE GOT THIS FOR YOU!” Nina giggled, I bent down to her level and smiled brightly. “Thank you Nina~ Would you like to go put it on my desk?” I asked, she nodded happily and ran inside, taking her shoes off first, before running to my desk corner. “She’s so energetic for the morning.” I looked up and saw Yunho smiling down at me. He held out his hand and helped me stand up, he was in a black suit, white button up on the inside, with shiny slick black shoes. He had two silver rings on, and his married finger was bare. I wanted to smile at the thought of him being single, but that’s just rude for someone who just got cheated on and divorced. I snapped out of my daydreaming and spoke, “Nina is an energizer. Just like her father.”, my comment made Yunho smile and chuckle deeply. “I’m glad. It’s okay for her to be here early right?” he asked, concerned. “Of course. Me and her can play princesses-” “DADDYYY~” Nina interrupted what I was saying, Yunho apologized and looked at his daughter. “Yes baby?” “Come in and play.” Nina pouted. Yunho looked at me, as if he was asking if it was okay for him to stay for a bit, “come in come in.” I motioned him, closing the door behind us, hearing the alarmed door lock for safety reasons. I watched as Yunho looked around the classroom, his tall figure could touch the ceiling if he was any taller. I sat down on the carpet with Nina as she played around with blocks

Yunho sat down next to me and watched his daughter ramble and play around. He sighed, but not a negative sigh, more of a relaxed one. “You’ve changed.” “hm?” I hummed, turning to look at him. His eyes connected with mine and I felt my heart flutter. “From college. You used to hate looking after kids and such..now you’re a teacher, being surrounded by little kids all day.” he chuckles. I blushed and focused back on Nina, “yeah..well.. You know, people change.” I said as I was quite embarrassed because I started liking the idea of kids when I imagined me and Yunho having one. “You would be a good mom.” Yunho commented while watching Nina. I could have choked on water if I had any in my mouth, “w-what makes you say that?” I stumbled. “I just know it. I mean we grew up with each other, plus you’re so caring and protective of kids, even if you personally don’t think so.” Before I could reply, Nina walked up to us and handed us some dolls. “I’m princess! You and daddy can be king and queen.” she smiled innocently. I looked at Nina big eyed and mouth a gap, this must have caught Yunho off guard too because his ears started to turn to a shade of red and he coughed awkwardly. “Nina sweetie, you can’t say things like that.” Nina pouted and whined, “it’s okay Yuyu.” I whispered, getting up I walked to my desk and picked up the coffee. “Thanks by the way.” I blushed, shaking the drink lightly, “ah, no problem.” Yunho smiled awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck, he stood up awkwardly and cleared his throat. “Okay well, thank you for the fun morning, I have to head to work now. Nina be good, take care y/n, I’ll be on time, this time, I swear.” He says, “Don’t keep promises you can’t keep.” I joked. He just laughed and nodded, “see you later.” He smiles, before heading out the door, the door closing slowly closing behind him, I watched as his broad shoulders slowly went out of view.

The day at the school went by fast. The kids were now taking their scheduled nap time, I made sure each kid was comfortable and tucked in before going back to my desk. I silently typed away on my computer, creating plans for the next few classes. I felt my eyes close slightly from the calm, tired atmosphere. I drank my water to stay awake and continued with my tasks, and before I knew it, the school day ended. Every kid greeted their parents, I waved goodbye to each kid with a smile, “see everyone on monday!” I cheered. Looking around the classroom, Nina sat patiently on the waiting stools. “Come on Nina, let’s go outside.” I said, she smiled and happily hopped off the small stool and ran to me, taking my hands into her small ones. I turned off the lights and made sure to have everything before locking the door. “Daddy isn’t here yet.” Nina pouted. I pat her head, “I know sweetheart. He can be late again. How about we sit out here and play a game?” I said. “What game?” She gleamed, I hummed, thinking of a small game that could still be stimulating for her, “how about I spy?” “how do we play..” she tilted her head. God, she was so cute, just like a smaller version of Yunho. I chuckled and sat her down on a step, while I sat down next to her. “If I say I spy..I will give a hint on what I'm looking at and you guess.” I said, Nina nodded softly like she semi understood. So I started the game, “I spy something with green.” Nina looked around, “..hm..tree?” she asked looking at me with a nervous look. I nodded and cheered, “yes that’s correct! Great job Nina~” I smiled, making Nina happy. We played like that until Yunho appeared a few minutes later, he got out of his car and opened his arms as soon as he saw Nina run to him. “Thank you.” he says and I smiled back. “No worries. I think Nina enjoys her time with me, right Nina?” “Yes~~ You’re the best!” she cheered as Yunho put her into her car seat. “I think I owe you dinner for always watching my daughter.” Yunho laughed while closing the door. “I’ll take that offer one day.” I said lightly, grabbing my keys out, actually parking closer to the school this time. “Get home safely Mr. Jeong.” I waved bye, Yunho bit his lip before saying bye back and getting into his car.

Multiple weeks passed, and weeks turned into months. It turned to a routine of Nina getting to the school early with my Starbucks order in her tiny hands as Yunho looked at her fondly. Each conversation with him became close again, just like old times. Sometimes I would think he would blush, but I always turned down that thought. We were only friends and that’s it. For this particular day, school was on break and I didn’t have a lot planned since I was far from family, and I rarely went out so hanging out with friends wasn’t an option. Somehow Nina heard that from a conversation with a coworker, and here I am in front of Yunho’s and Nina’s house. The house was actually quite big, it looked like two stories, the front yard was covered in light snow, decorated with cute Christmas decorations for the upcoming holiday. I rang the doorbell, feeling the cold getting to me despite wearing a warm thin sweater with an oversize hoodie with some warm leggings with beige fur boots. Yunho opened the door and smiled brightly, “Welcome y/n.” he greeted, allowing me inside. I walked in and was hit with the warm air and the smell of hot chocolate in the air. Nina wanted to make hot chocolate with marshmallows, she was dying for you to try it.” Yunho said, his hand accidentally brushing against mine as he was walking past. I blushed and softly nodded, “if you get too hot, you can leave your hoodie on the rack.” he says before rushing back to what I would assume is the kitchen. I walked in that direction as well and was in awe. The kitchen fridge had drawings by Nina pinned to it, with small photos of Yunho with his family and friends. One photo made me smile and blush. It was an old photo of us from college, his arm was wrapped around my shoulder, we were both gleaming with bright smiles on our face, the party strings and confetti stuck in our hairs. “We grew up so much huh.” Yunho commented, seeing me look at the picture. “Yeah, it’s unbelievable.” I said looking at him. I don’t know why it was still awkward between us. It could be me..I don’t know how to stop thinking about him. He clouded my thoughts 24/7 and I couldn’t get him out of my head. “Let’s go sit down.”

A few hours passed, mainly filled with movies and laughter from Nina as I watched Yunho play with her during slow scenes of the movies. It was nice to see him like this, I wonder why his ex would cheat and say she found someone better. He was a busy man, but he always tried to make up for his time by spending extra time with his daughter and cooking and playing with her. “Can I call y/n mommy now?” Nina asked innocently. That comment made me snap out of my thoughts. Yunho stopped giggling and sat up straight. He furrowed his eyebrows. “Why do you say that Nina?” He asked seriously. “Because she reminds me of mommy, but better.” Nina said, pouting. I just got up from the couch, “sorry Nina, but I have to go.” I said, patting her head softly before rushing to the door. I heard Yunho telling Nina to stay where she was and I heard heavy footsteps behind me. I reached the door and opened it quickly, rushing outside, only for my wrist to be caught by the person I didn’t want to look at. “y/n? What’s the matter?” “Nothing Yunho, I just have to go.” I said deadpan, I wanted to cry, tell him I loved him, but how can I without ruining our built friendship again? Yunho’s grip tightened around my wrist then I felt his other hand spin me around, forcing me to look at his chest. “Look at me,” he said sternly. I never heard this tone from him besides the times I would cry into his chest about my pathetic, toxic ex boyfriends. I was shaking slightly, maybe from the cold, or the fear of looking Yunho in the eyes. With the little courage I had, I looked him directly in the eyes, I watched his eyes soften, “Why are you trying to leave-” I cut him off, tears were in my eyes, “Yunho, please let go of me. I need to go. I can’t stay here, I’m sorry. I love Nina, but what she said... I can’t handle it. I can’t handle it because you will never see me like that.” I started, getting out of his grip, backing away slowly. “I loved you Yunho, I actually still love you. Since we were kids, but you will never see me like that, and I don’t want Nina to think I’ll be her new mom when we aren’t anything.” I continued. I didn’t even want to wait for a response, I just rushed to my car, starting it and leaving before Yunho could stop my car. I knew he didn’t love me back…but how wrong I was.

Days went by, then it was weeks. I called my assistant to tell them I got sick and wouldn’t be in for a while, I ignored every text and call that came from Yunho. I really only responded when I knew it was Nina texting from her speech pattern and little kid spelling. I couldn't face him, not after what I said. Was I being childish? Sure, but feelings make you feel like that. I want to hold him, hug him, have him tell me it’s okay, but he’s not mine, and he would never be. I wiped my tears with my tissues as I sat on my sofa with an oversize t-shirt and shorts, used tissues filled with tears and snot covered the table as a twilight movie played in the background. Way to go y/n, a grown adult crying over a problem I made myself because I couldn’t control my emotions. The movie was loudly playing until my doorbell started to ring louder than the tv, I sniffed and paused my movie. I silently groaned, not wanting to open the door. I was going to ignore it, but remembered I was sad enough to deliver food and thought it could be my poor uber eats driver holding my two pizza boxes and cake desserts with extra whip cream. I got up and wiped my face to avoid being asked if I was okay. I didn’t bother looking at my peep hole, what a mistake. As I opened my door, Yunho stood there. He was wearing a simple black tee and gray sweatpants with gray jordans. I wanted to close my door, but he caught it. “y/n..please. Let’s talk.” He says, his voice soft enough that it made me want to cry. I didn’t have the energy to try and kick him out so I just moved away from the door and stepped back. “I just want to talk about the last time I saw- are you crying?” Yunho began before seeing my bloodshot eyes, I turned around not being able to face him. “N-No I’m not.” I said trying my best not to sniffle. Yunho sighed and walked in completely, closing the door behind him. I didn’t want to look at him, until I felt his arms wrap around my body, his hands automatically wrapping around the waist. His warm body heat transferred to me and I wanted to cry even more. He slowly turned me around and gently placed my head against his chest. “You can cry..it’s okay.” he whispers. I cried into his chest, tears kept falling, and Yunho just held me in the middle of my home. I probably spent half an hour just crying into his chest. It was like the old times, and my heart ached. Yunho’s shirt was soaked by the time I slowly got out of his warm hug, despite it being a black shirt, it was noticeable I was crying into it. “I’m sorry Yunho..I’m sorry..” I began to apologize. Yunho just looked at me sadly and gave me a small supportive smile, “y/n love, it’s okay..” he whispers. My head started to ache in pain as the crying took a lot out of me, I groaned softly and put my head against my forehead. “How about you go upstairs to your room? I’ll bring you medicine.” Yunho offered. “What? No I’m okay-” “Stop lying to me please. Just go lie down. I’ll figure out where your room is later.” Yunho said sternly. Not having the energy to argue, I just simply nodded, before heading up I mumbled, “my room is the one on the right at the very end.” before walking up the stairs.

As I laid down on my bed, my head began to hurt even more, Yunho came into my room a few minutes later with a glass full of water, and some head ache medication. He set the stuff down on my night stand, and glanced around my room. My sanrio stuff animals on one side of my bed, and some small posters of music and photos of trips. He chuckles, like seeing my room matched me perfectly. “What?” I mumbled, blush growing onto my cheeks. “Nothing..nothing. Your room just fits you that’s all.” He smiled, sitting on the edge of my bed. I didn’t say anything, too scared to speak to him now that he was in my room. I basically confessed and now I have to deal with the rejection. I reached over and took the medication pills and gulp down the water before laying back in bed. “So..can you just reject me, so we can move on..” “reject you? Why would I reject you?” I frowned at his answer, did he enjoy my pain? “You came here to say I’m sorry, I’m not interested right? So go on and reject me!” I said loudly, ignoring the thumping pain in my head. Yunho just shook his head, “You’re unbelievable.” “what?” I took offense to his comment. He stretched over to the point he was hovering over me, I could feel his warm breath on my face to my neck. His long body completely covering me. “You never even let me answer you that day.” He mumbles, “Because I know-” “No you don’t y/n. Listen to me y/n, I love you as well. I always been so scared to hurt our friendship, and when we graduated. Fuck, I regretted not telling you. Yes I got married and I have my beautiful Nina, but the love never felt like how I love you.” I was speechless. Yunho liked me, like actually likes me. “I..Yunho..” I tried to talk, but nothing came out. It was a lot to process, but my headache made it worse. Yunho looked at me, biting his lip before I felt his lips against mine. It felt so good to have him on me, I kissed him back, our lips molded together like it was suppose to be like this. We kissed for a few more minutes before I pulled my head back to breath. He was so breathtaking, no words could express how good he looked. “I..let’s talk about this later..maybe..” I mumbled. He tilted his head, “Your head still hurts?” he asked, I nodded in reply. He hummed then gave me a kiss on my cheek, “I have an idea. But I need your permission.” he whispers. I furrowed my eyebrows, “What is it..?” I questioned. “Well, I heard from some friends and maybe some articles..that sex helps..but only if you want it.” he whispers, his eyes focused on me. My mouth was agape, not knowing how to answer. I mean, SEX WITH YUNHO? YES, but my mouth couldn’t say it. “I’m..I’m okay with that.” I mumbled, looking up to him. “Don’t worry, I won’t have full sex if you’re uncomfortable. Just let me take care of you. Safe word princess?” My head buzzed, because why was he like this, so caring and sexy. I just wanted him. My head clouded with thoughts of him. “Hmm..it can be red.” I whispered, feeling his chest through his t-shirt. He gave me a smile, before his hands gripped my hips, he gave me a quick kiss on my forehead, before his head reached down to my stomach.

His lips kissed my stomach, reaching my lower region, his hands handling my thighs. He gave quick licks to my inner thighs. I squirmed at the feeling, but my lower region gushed with need. “Yuyu..please.” I whined. He chuckled darkly, “you’ve been calling me Yunho the whole time, so go ahead. Keep calling me Yunho. Or maybe you can call me something different.” He teased, his hands softly rubbing my thighs. “S-Sir please..” I whined looking down at him. His eyes grew dark and he smirked. I lifted my lower region and he gently took off my shorts and panties, his hands immediately cupping my cunt. I let out a soft moan as his fingers rubbed my folds, the feeling was new, but I wanted more. I felt his hot breath and he suddenly landed his tongue onto my folds. My hands tugged on his hair, pushing him deeper into me. His tongue swirled around and sucked. I moaned out, “mhm.. Fuck..sir, feels so good.” He detached himself from my cunt and chuckled, “Yeah? You feel good baby?” He whispers, his voice an octave lower. My head was hazy, his lips touched my cunt once again. He began sucking on my clit, pleasure spreading throughout my body. My nerves were on high, I felt my head fill with dopamine, as it felt so good. My lower region was tightening and I squeezed my thighs together, softly squeezing Yunho’s head. He gripped my thighs and spread me out, opening me more as he lapped over my cunt. “I..I” I couldn’t speak, only moans and groans could be let out. “Go ahead and cum baby.” He mumbled before continuing his action. I felt myself release in his mouth and he kept eating me out as I was calming down, turning sensitive. “Y-Yu..too much.” I whined. He detached himself and I saw my juices around his mouth, as he used his fingers to wipe his mouth, I watched as he inserted his own fingers covered in my juices into his own mouth and he hummed. “You taste good baby.” he smirked. My body was tired, but my headache was gone, I gave him a drunken smile, “Do I now?” I said, feeling like I was high. Yunho just smiled and got off of my bed, “I’ll be right back.” he says, before leaving my room. He came back a few minutes later with a warm towel and more water. “Where’s your wardrobe, for your underwear.” He asked, looking around at the multiple cabinets. “Bottom left on the 3 layer.” I said, he walked over and opened it. I saw him smirk and grab an underwear then close it. “We have to use those toys next time.” He commented, I blushed at his comment. He gently wiped me, knowing I was still sensitive, and changed my panties. As he finished, he helped me drink water then put the blanket on top of me. He laid down next to me, I saw him take off his shirt before his body went under the covers. His arms wrapped around my waist, making me a small spoon in the bed, and I blushed. His head snuggled into my neck as he gently left pecks. “Let’s rest for now. We’ll speak later.” he whispers. I nodded and felt my body get tired, but I knew how I should feel now. Loved. He was in love with me, and I was in love with him. “I love you yuyu..” I mumbled before closing my eyes. “I love you too, my princess.”

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vaguely-concerned · 5 months

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I’m on a Star Wars books roll so here we go with my — unhinged thanks for asking! — thoughts on Dooku: Jedi Lost, specifically the audio play. Short version: I fucking loved this one! For maximum emotional devastation, pair with Master and Apprentice and Padawan the way my stupid ass did and then be sad about it forever I guess that's what I’m going to have to do.

Long (LONG oopsie) version:

- So. First of all, let’s get the most important thing out of the way on this here old man yaoi website. We all agree dooku and sifo dyas explored each other’s bodies right. Or at least definitely would have if not for the laws of this order etc., potentially. That’s not just me. Good. Thank you. We can now move on

- Secondly. Well. Guess I’m just going to be inconsolable about Sifo-Dyas forever now. I miss the days in which he was just a throwaway line in AotC spawned by a random misspelling to me, rather than an eternal raw aching wound in my heart

- poor poor ventress just reading through all the proof that dooku absolutely does have it in him to be a good dad I mean master and just — idk got tired of that and went the force lightning route with her. I love the move of having her dead master hang out with her all that time as well (having her slip up and refer to ‘us’ did something to me, god this is so sad. Is he actually there in spirit or is it just her grief dreaming him up because dooku is awful and cold as a cliff wall and she needs some kind of attachment figure even if she’ll have to reinvent him herself, rebuild him word for word, gesture by gesture. Pain. sorry about your terrible track record with father figures asajj)

- Lene: (About Averross): He hasn’t changed.

Dooku: (In the warmest fondest voice you ever heard) And I hope he never does

WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH MYSELF? MUST I SET MYSELF ON FIRE TO ESCAPE THE PAIN???

Another strong showing for Rael in general, btw. He’s so warm and charming as a presence even though he’s also a little chaos gremlin. (He’s quite similar to how Sifo-Dyas was when he was young in some ways, I can definitely start to see what Dooku responds warmly to in terms of character traits.)

- the fact that good ol’ sheev showed an interest in rael, dooku and anakin… interesting huh! He’s just got a soft spot for the disaster lineage I suppose, maybe there’s an element there of luring yoda’s most direct lineage into the dirt with him without yoda even noticing for the longest time. Also cackling at the idea that he looked at qui-gon ‘too fucking stubborn and insufferable to fall to the dark side out of sheer spite’ jinn and went ‘...not that one tho’ fhdskjfa. And obi-wan is more like ‘that one blorbo all my little guys seem wild about but I just don’t get it guys’

IF rael’s refusal to join dooku at the end of ‘master and apprentice’ is the last word (which I am not convinced of ;___; be safe cowboy jedi we never see in mainline canon so far), then he’s the only one who has dodged palpatine’s attentions. Wonderful if true love that for him

ALSO rael is one of the few people we know to be on (or at least to consider himself on despite what palps might think lol) first name basis with palpatine. Hilarious. I concur with dooku never change rael

- Sifo-Dyas: That’s insane.

Dooku, deadpan: Yes.

Sifo-Dyas: The worst plan I’ve ever heard.

Dooku, somehow even more deadpan: Most probably.

Sifo-Dyas: I’m in.

Crying… weeping and dying………… what if someone could have helped sifo with his unfortunate prophecy propensity and they hadn’t drifted apart. Clone Wars averted methinks if dooku still ended up leaving the order he would have been too busy having tender gay sex with the love of his life (and only person who can call him out on his shit and have him actually listen) to be a war criminal (I am being extremely facetious of course this is very much a ‘time traveler killing baby hitler’ situation where the underlying forces causing this point in history are way too powerful to avert the catastrophe in one move. but at least palps would probably have had to pick someone else to wreck the galaxy through and sifo-dyas would be kissed & held instead of going slowly mad. A net plus some (I, me) would say)

- I just wanted to applaud both the writing and the voice acting for the characterization of Dooku in this, from his young self trying so hard to be haughty and self-possessed but also being like, y’know, twelve and a dweeb and easy for Sifo-Dyas to pull into trouble, to the dry wit and warmth he shows with Rael and Qui-Gon or his sister later. It took me a little while to get into the voice acting specifically (the actor makes no attempt at going the full Christopher Lee, which in hindsight was probably wise), but now I love it. It gets a bit goofy in places but you know what, I am a long time lover of audio plays, that’s part of the charm

- “Master, have I done something wrong?”

My heart is clenching… do you think… that master yoda’s deal with leaving his student to try fucking everything to have some kind of relationship with him until he just breaks down in tears of despair… is the kind of thing that maybe started a little bit of a generational trauma cartwheel through the ages. The point that bb!dooku is arrogant isn’t without merit and he strikes out incredibly ungracefully about it (in fact I would be a lot more worried than yoda seems to be that he decides to try to kill a tree about it, ‘I felt like destroying something beautiful’-style) but I just don’t think a… fourteen year old? A teen anyway, Is going to learn what you think he learns from this. I simply don’t believe that silent treatmenting kids will teach them emotional intelligence I guess especially if they already struggle with that naturally lol

(It is exactly the same mistake (in my opinion) that Qui-Gon makes with Obi-Wan, too, just leaving the kid completely alone and forcing them to come to you every which way for comfort or guidance instead of meeting them or reaching out to them. Especially once you see that really Dooku’s prime emotion/big core wound right from the beginning is loneliness. And that doesn’t only come from a feeling of superiority (which to be sure is also a big factor), because he has no idea where he comes from until he meets his sister. I don’t think the jedi as a whole were unsalvageable by any stretch of the imagination, but Yoda specifically… you are on such very thin ice with me at this point you little green fuck. You’re very funny and moving in yoda dark rendezvous and that’s all that’s keeping you in my somewhat good graces.)

- Okay, coming back a bit later I think I’ve found the right words to say this. more precisely dooku has two big issues which you can later see haunting all the way down his lineage — loneliness and control. (and not incidentally the intersecting elements of the two haha.) We see from his relationship to sifo-dyas that he’s not incapable of having close mutual relationships with an equal, but that kind of crashed and burned for reasons neither of them could really help and after that it seems quite telling that he has the easiest time with deeper connection in a teacher-student sort of form. I think his affection is unconditional and real, but you can’t get away from the fact that he also has the most control in that relationship structure by default, he gets to dictate what form it takes to a big extent. He doesn’t trust other people — the underlying idea ‘Only I can do this’ that eventually leads him down the Separatist path is there the whole way. It speaks both to a sense of superiority and an utter lack of faith that other people can or will help him. And then that echoes down through the master-padawan line:

Qui-Gon with his self-righteousness and utter refusal to compromise leaving him isolated among the jedi (only he is right. Yeah the Force told him so. Don’t worry I’ve got a permit *insert parks and rec I can do whatever I want meme here*), Obi-Wan with his anxiety and perfectionism and incredible sense of shame and responsibility that he should be able to carry the whole world on his shoulders alone and beating himself up for failing, all feeding into not knowing what to do with Anakin and his complete lack of control of himself and his desperation to gain and maintain connection and love (which earns him the title of ‘Dooku’s least favorite family member’ fhdsa his immediate disdain for him is so funny and so in character. Repress and go slowly mad like a normal person anakin the way you’re carrying on is just undignified and that is much worse than being evil)…

- Rael gently telling Dooku to take on another padawan soon… so sweet, so sad, local cowboy jedi looking out for his dad. Also highlights something about Dooku I think is true: that he does much better and seems to have an easier time holding to the light when he’s responsible for someone else. Again, I do feel like Dooku’s core problem is loneliness, but it seems like raising kids is the one point where that relaxes somewhat. Maybe if Sifo-Dyas had stayed in a better mental place and they kept in touch it could have been different.

- Lene Kostana is SUCH a character! Charismatic and deeply fucked up, when it’s revealed how her and Sifo-Dyas’ relationship remains long after his padawan stage is done I felt a little bit sick, to my surprise. Because that could just be kindness on her part, of course, it’s good that he has someone he trusts to look after him when he can’t himself, but also there’s something… queasy about the way it keeps him continually young, in a way. (Notably he still calls her ‘master’ even as an adult, when they’re working together. Not uncommon in Star Wars, of course, but together with everything else going on vibes-wise… hm.) The inherent unreliable narration of this story really worked for me in this regard especially — do we know that young Dooku was entirely wrong when he sensed the dark side in her? She certainly is willing to go to lengths that are… worrying! in her fascination with sith shit, she tempted children into a dangerous place they didn’t understand and couldn’t know the consequences of and she continually puts sifo-dyas in situations that are implied to be a risk to worsening his condition. Run of the mill incredibly irresponsible at best, sincerely sinister at worst. Did she choose Sifo over Dooku because he’s more vulnerable and shapeable? There is an undercurrent of something icky and emotionally incest-y going on with how she relates to Dooku and Sifo-Dyas in general (right down to the ‘NO, no one can know about this’ intensity after the… evil moss cave. I can’t believe I’m this emotional about a book with an evil moss cave). I don’t think she’s a proper sith in any way and I also believe there is real affection there on all sides, but idk something about the whole thing makes me deeply uneasy. Yoda where the fuck are you your son is out there with his irresponsible mom again they’re looking for dirty needles in haystacks and they’re not even wearing any gloves

- dooku telling sifo-dyas he can come back to haunt him if he likes as a joke… well well well I’m sure that doesn’t ring with some dramatic irony at some point down the line lmao

- honestly looking back at master and apprentice after reading jedi lost makes qui-gon's apparent lack of reaction to dooku leaving seem — let's call it highly suspect haha. rael asks him if he's spoken to dooku after and qui-gon is like 'no. why would I. it's literally fine. anyway this topic is done now'. (and rael seems to just go ‘*older brotherly knowing* uh-huh’) meanwhile he's thinking about dooku *all the time* trying to figure out his role as master to obi-wan, thinking about being a padawan himself, the parts of his life he shared with both dooku and rael. The jedi doth protest too much methinks

ALSO how much of qui-gon thinking the council was too lenient with rael after he had to kill his padawan is about that actual situation, and how much is a ‘our family still likes my older brother more than me even though he Fucked Up so bad and breaks just as many rules as I do’ sort of deal mixed with his own neuroses about how he’s failing obi-wan (to which rael’s situation symbolizes the worst possible outcome, i.e. the kid dies and it’s basically your fault). Many thoughts.

- moment of silence for jenza of house serenno. Girl your only sin was being surrounded by asshole male family members and I’m so sorry I think you did all you could with what you had to work with here.

Not… entirely sure how dooku’s claim to the title supersedes hers — is he a year older than her? (she’s eleven when they first meet, he might be twelve or older at that point I don’t remember haha) Does she just give up her place in the inheritance order? Are primogeniture and male heir preference factors in Serenno inheritance law? Not the most important thing honestly it works anyway thematically but could have been clarified quickly!

- interesting to see that the council’s restrictive policy against engaging with prophecies had a surprisingly big impact on how things went down. Kostana has a lot of responsibility in Sifo’s fate for insisting he keep it secret, but there is genuine fear for what might become of him if the rest of the order finds out he’s got 24/7 futurevision hovering over him threateningly… listen it’s not like the poor guy can help getting the future constantly pumped into his brain at nightmare resolutions, I think maybe if there had been more willingness to at least engage curiously with the concept of prophecy and how it works, even if you don’t put your faith in the particulars of what the prophecies say, this wouldn’t have had to be such a shitty isolated secretive life for him. hearing him slowly fall apart over the years considering how bright and lovely he started out... oof is all I can say

- when dooku was a good jedi he was such a good jedi!!! The scene where they’re saving the kids from the collapsing hospital, every time he teaches his students anything…the impulse of someone has to do something about this! that made him so good at saving lives turning dark with the tarnish of frustration and rage over the years… nooooooooo problematic grandpa why did it have to be like this :(

- …do you think infant jedi can sense what’s going on around them in the Force. Because it makes a very sad kind of sense if dooku on some level remembers bodily or in the Force that he was not only abandoned but rejected in disgust as one of the first things he discovered in the world. Oh boy. With all the ways attachment relationships can go wonky in the first few years in real life I don’t even want to consider how much more wrong it can go when the baby is fucking psychic lol

- vaguely related: the way dooku seems to find the very idea of being truly reliant on anyone, emotionally or otherwise, personally offensive, terrifying and humiliating lol. Yoda saves him from being crushed by rubble and he is outraged because that means he can’t save himself (and his newfound sister) without anyone’s help like he thought for one glorious moment he could. The fantasy of perfect emotional self-sufficiency, doing away with all the messiness and risk of interpersonal relationships and cutting off the possibility of really being abandoned again. It’ll get ya every time. This is also a thing you see reflected in his lineage — they’re all quite inward-turning that way until you get to anakin, to different extents and with varying presentations but it is there I think. Qui-Gon turns to the Force, Obi-Wan to perfectionism and shame and rumination, Rael to the bottle and depression and hedonistic apathy, but they all struggle hugely with letting anyone in to help them. Dooku’s line are all much more comfortable being the helpers rather than the helpees, as it were.

- “Thank you for everything, Lene. Tell Rael and Qui-Gon — tell them… tell them the Force will be with them, always”

Emotional terrorism against me specifically and personally. You asshole you just excused yourself from the non-attachment rules there’s literally nothing in the world except you to stop you from reaching out and telling your children you love them yOURSELF why are you like this

- the recurring theme of dooku seeing something beautiful (the tree in the temple, the tirra’taka as a child and an adult) and ending up lashing out to destroy it… but the tree was old and mighty and he was young and new and couldn’t truly harm it, so he was saved from his own impulsivity. And then when he sees the tirra’taka as an adult he loves it immediately. And in the end he still mangles and destroys it. He didn’t mean to, but he did. He woke it up and hurt it just by existing as a child and then he had to kill it as a mercy because he was too powerful at that point for anything to buffer his mistakes. The parallel with the bird he loved that he also couldn’t protect. He starts out with an aching loneliness somewhere at the core of him through no real fault of his own but by the end it is entirely his own fault that it’s worse, because he starts wrecking everything he loves in an almost absent-minded but definitely intentional way, like it’s a nightmare he’s listening to through the door as it happens in the next room over. He really IS the ‘I just felt like destroying something beautiful’ central of the jedi.

at the end qui-gon is dead and through dooku’s own influence, however indirectly. Rael has had to turn away from him. Sifo-Dyas is dead on Dooku’s own orders and so is his sister, he might as well have done it with his own hands. (though I think it’s very interesting that in each case he didn’t do it with his own hands, he consistently uses a middleman.) He lives within the coldness of his sterile empty castle and horrifically mistreats the one person he might have found something like connection with the way he did with his students before (Ventress), deliberately trapping her in a similar state of utter desolate isolation and telling her, essentially, ‘We’re like this as people and nothing can be done to change it. We can’t escape, we’re already doomed, stop trying, it’s too late. You are just like me (and if you aren't already I'll make you like me)’. And that’s the closest thing he gets to love anymore. When he accused Ky of using her ‘as a salve for his own loneliness’ and you’re like well well well mr projection man how’s that working out for you. He is completely, shatteringly alone and he is so entirely as a consequence of his own actions and he's too far gone to understand or care. I’m howling you useless fucking FOOL dooku

- dooku 🤝 john gaius

“Hm. I have observed that there are in fact many flaws in our society and the government is deeply corrupt. So if I kill a few billion people here and there in order to fix it, is that not basically okay when you really think about it”

Dooku making salient points about the political and ethical failures of the Republic and then, just when you think he’s onto something, he goes and makes The wildest fucking decisions about what to do about it. Sure. dark magic and genocide are probably the only ways out of this you’re so right bro. If we make enough minuses to add together surely we’ll end up in plus sooner or later

- *head in my hands once more* I can’t believe I am genuinely emotionally invested in someone called Count Dooku with the looks of a knockoff dracula and ultimate moral character to match right now this is terrible. hey. hey dooks. what you have to go and fuck everything up so bad for huh I’m so incredibly sad now

there is something to be said about how getting to see glimpses of what dooku looked like in the light makes it so much more heartwrenching that he never came back. he could have, a thousand times. and every time he chose not to.

#star wars #dooku jedi lost #count dooku #sifo dyas #dooku x sifo dyas #disaster lineage #lene kostana #star wars meta #rael averross #qui gon jinn #I'm being peak on my bullshit in this one. you're welcome and/or I'm sorry as appropriate

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