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#well its not that i wasnt drawing at all i just couldnt finish anything the most i would get out was a few unfinished sketches
sonknuxadow · 2 years
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idk wanted to draw werehog and tails together. also Hi its been like 50 years since ive last posted art hasnt it
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emerxshiu · 5 months
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kinda spoilers for magolor epilogue
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did this at 2am, it was gonna be a animation but i knew i wasn't gonna be able to keep up doing something like this for like, 10 frames or more, so i just left it like a drawing. lately i wasnt really liking anything i was drawing but damm do i really like this one, now all thats left is for me to like my next drawing and not open 30 canvas and only finish one.
i was trying to make my interdimensional magolor gijinka, he doesnt really change that much, except for the ripped parts of his cloak and cape. the energy sphere he has is also a bit broken, but i forgot to add that when making the drawing. my magolor wears one energy sphere, like a necklace, he says it's because its the brightest energy sphere he has, wich, is a lie, but im thinking of explaining this unnecessary headcanon i had come up with just because i thought it'd look cool on him and then decide to give a reason to on another post (i wanna do a comic abt it), if you are wondering about the sclera, i forgot to add it but i was already used to this drawing not having them so i just left it like that.
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i also made three versions, this one is my favourite by far, but thats just because im a sucker for bright colors in drawings like these. honestly i was kinda surprised that i liked it, i usually dont shade like this, well, i do kinda but it doesnt look like this, its a bit more messy and usually combined with cell shading at the same time, i dunno how to explain, also my lineart tends to be a bit(? more cleaner (most of the time) but i really like this one drawing of magolor, probably one of my favourites on digital, and i might start shading like this more on other drawings.
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i also made a desaturated one, dont really have much to say for this one, i had a vision of how i wanted the animation to look but i couldnt get it right, in fact i was originally just gonna have plain colors, no shading, but i coulnt help myself. i planned for this like, bright background and character with more darker colors, as in contrasting, but it kinda hurt my eyes when i did the background (it was a very bright yellow) and as i said couldnt get the look of magolor how i wanted. but i still like the image, all of the versions.
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close up of my favourite version
sorry for always writing an entire wall of text when i post
Jambuhbye!
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mrthful · 10 months
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Hey yall, this is a long time coming, and this is how ill address it TW drugs mostly
I know ive been gone for some time, on and off posting, and not responding much to dms. i want to tell yall that my intention isnt to run away or scam yall at all. things have been really difficult, so heres whats happening
My partner and i recently split up, and its honestly been a long time coming. our relationship had been steadily going down hill for a while, and it effected my overall motivation to do pretty much anything, like draw for myself, let alone commissions. theres been constant drinking and c*ke around me that ive been so extremely uncomfortable with, as well as being lied to, cheated on, and just so mentally unwell with my own depression, anxiety, and resurfacing trauma, that i couldnt tell what was true and what wasnt, with the constant lying and sneaking around and just everything, the entire environment i was in
it was harder since i was going to work so much that i never had true time for myself or to really work on things, and everything was so overwhelming for me since i couldnt take any breaks from work since my ex partner had just taken off work for a long time to drink, and i was pretty much the only one responsible for paying bills and trying to feed myself and partially feed the 3 other people with us.
i currently cant even live in my own apartment and dont have most my stuff, so im also readjusting to everything thats changed as well as finding a new job
i still need time before i can fully come back and finish up commissions, and i thank you for your patience, im really trying to get back into the groove of my life and move past everything, but its very difficult so itll take me some time, but i really would like to come back and continue making art and friends
i do have a full list of all owed art, if youd like to message me you can, but i most likely dont have an update for you, im doing my best to move past this and bring yall stuff to look at/what i owe
i just hope that yall can understand why ive been disappearing and re appearing over the past year, and i love anf appreciate the little community i have. out of all the things ive lost over the past year and a half, i definitely dont want to lose yall. ill see yall soon though, dont be afraid to message me!
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1-800-c0sm1c · 2 years
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꒰groovy pt.2 !꒱
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the phantom thieves inviting you to club velvet as their date !
character x gn!reader
includes yusuke, makoto, futaba, and haru !
warnings : spoilers for persona 5 and dancing in starlight !
a/n : finished the other half of this a lot faster than i expected to :0 hope that you enjoy ! ^^
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FOX // YUSUKE KUTAGAWA
truth be told, yusuke was a bit confused when he ended up here. he wasnt a dancer, but hes always interested in a new way to express himself. he insisted on practicing constantly, not wanting to even show you the full routine until he was satisfied.
however he still wanted you to be the first to see the finished product. he was amazed at what he was able to come up with, and wanted to share that excitement. he didnt originally plan on putting on a show in club velvet, but with the way your eyes sparkled with excitement getting to see him perform he couldnt pass up the opportunity.
his heart skipped a beat when you complimented how well done his performance was, ego only slightly inflated. he insisted on painting something to remind him of tonight, and thats how you ended up pulling an "all-nighter" in his room, offering suggestions to his artwork and overall enjoying his company. (and all the drawings of ann that are in there too, i guess)
his painting came out perfect as always, a fine addition to his never-ending collection of projects. he was amazed by how quickly he was able to get it done, joker only came by once to make sure you guys were still alive in there. it was a bit of an awkward conversation when he had to remind him that this was only a dream world, but you reassured him he can always just repaint the picture in the real world when you wake up.
QUEEN // MAKOTO NIJIMA
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dancing isnt really makotos specialty, but shes willing to try everything once, especially if its for you. shes a bit clumsy with her moves, but her hard-hitting style is unique to her.
shes grateful with how patient you are, its not often that someone is so nice when she attempts to try out new things. she cant help but think how her sister would react knowing shes wasting time learning to dance instead of studying for entrance exams. but youre always there to pull her out of her head and reassure her you have all the time in the world.
by the end of your practice session her routine seems more like her attempting to pick a fight than dancing, but hey, itll definitely catch the audiences attention. makoto isnt one to easily admit this, but stepping out of her comfort zone might be just the perfect stress reliever. if shes got you by her side, she feels shes not afraid of anything.
ORACLE // FUTABA SAKURA
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futaba is ,,,, awkward to say the least. relationships have never really been her thing, but once caroline and justine had explained that any memories of club velvet would be forgotten, futaba decided to take advantage of the dream reality.
she approaches you suddenly, knocking feverishly on the door to your room. you mutter a sentence along the lines of "come in, doors open" and hear a clicking of the handle and the creaking of the wood divider opening. she admires the features of your face, sleep threatening to take over your mind once more, before aggressively shaking your body.
"hey! youre really going back to sleep? theres no time for that, we need to get back to practice!" you groan, fully awake now.
truthfully, you werent entirely on board with the twin wardens plans and would much rather just go back to sleep, but your hacker girlfriend seemed to have other plans. you couldnt make out half of what she was rambling about, but decided to just nod half heartedly to whatever she asked.
grabbing your hand, she leads you out the front door rushing towards the main hall of club velvet. you notice her quickly glance around the room before fully stepping inside, presumably making sure that the two of you were alone.
she glances back at you, the full weight of how she had dragged you out of bed to enjoy a night of dancing fully hitting her now. just from the look on the first years face told you she was battling with her own thoughts right now.
gently taking her hands in yours, she begins to stumble over her words, the speech she had prepared long forgotten when you place a gentle kiss to her lips to calm her nerves. the happy smile on her face is something you could never forget.
NOIR // HARU OKUMURA
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when you had asked haru to teach you ballet, she didnt expect you to be serious about it. shes in love with the way you try to copy her every move. although it never comes out as gracefully as you would hope, she still finds you adorable.
shes a great teacher, incredibly patient and very helpful with her advice. it makes her so happy youre so engaged in something she had thought was best to leave behind her. whenever you perform a move right, you get so excited and quickly run up to hug her, claiming that shes so talented to be able to make ballet look so easy.
when you suggest performing a ballet duet, shes hesitant because she doesnt want you to get hurt. its not the easiest dance style on your body, and the last thing she wants is for you to overdue it just because it makes her happy youre interested.
she recommends taking it slow, instead offering to only incorporate moves into the routine you already had planned, and she helps you rework the routine over a nice hot cup of tea. after your performance she kisses your cheek stating how proud she was that you never fell on your face.
im a bit new to tumblr still so apologies for anon asks being off ! theyre on now and requests are open ^^ i will try to get to any when i get the inspiration :D
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6loodlvstt · 3 months
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Unfortunately I never heard of gul but I checked the plot and it’s interesting! I’ll definitely check it out when I have some free time. I don’t mind listening to summaries when I do other things. I enjoy to keep me busy reading/writing most of the time. Rn I’m trying to finish fear and hunger and I get angry every time I die lol. It’s so annoying but I love the vibes of that game. It was inspired by silent hill, berserk and amnesia. Sorry I info-dump a bit too much lol.
I’m glad you had a nice day! How was shopping? I also went out. Well I go out all days but I went to my fav bookstore and fetched a new book so I’m extra happy. And I love hades, I started it some weeks ago. Mythology is such an interesting world and I’m up for it.
I like to draw in my free time but it’s exhausting to work for game class projects. I can’t wait to finish off all this and focus on other projects. Piano is just a tool for be able to write lyrics in the future, or whatever I want. I get easily distracted when I play it but I’m confident that at some point my technique will improve.
The movie came out on February, from what I saw it wasn’t really popular but 100% recommended if you like 80s vibes. It’s an absurdist gothic horror..? Somewhere in the between. Heathers it’s a chef’s kiss. Probably one of my favs too. This reminded me of Little sister (2016), I seriously need watch it. It’s been on my watchlist since forever but I keep forgetting about it. I’m so forgetful.
Also sorry if I replied just now but at the end I decided to go to sleep at 3 am, my head was hurting -🩹
gul is super cool and not a lot of people actually know about it since it was basically lost media for a long long time
i dont sither! i normally play games while i listen yo things or while im working ill turn on some video essays and just listen to that while i work when music gets to be too much ^^
ough i heard fear and hunger was hard, rn im trying to beat dead space again and its not going well for me either lol
shopping was fine me and my mom just went and got groceries and that was it ^^ id love to go to a bookstore again theyre so fun to look around in
ive got like 300 hours in hades all together atp and its been a blast i love it very much and i could never get tired of it, plus greek mythologys always been a super big interest of mine! i love all of it so much and its so fascinating to learn
i used to draw a lot when i was in school since i always sucked at education, being dyslexic and autistic and having adhd really all just pilied and piled on to it so drawing was a giod escape and made me look like i was working on whatever they gave me, and if it wasnt on paper than id just play on my phone to pass the time, i also just used to read manga durong class if i couldnt be on my phone
violin and guitar and really. any. of the instruments i know how to play were for that reason to, i wanted to be a musician for a long long time till my grandmother decided to be a dick to me and i never played anything again :(
ooo it sounds interesting, i think when i have the time to sit and watch something ill check it out :D
its okay i just woke up and its like 11am rn
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vent, letting some deep feelings out
since i was little, I was with people who’d openly show jealousy toward me for anything I did, every day. People around me lashed out on me, accused me or acted mean and made fun of me for doing something ‘well’. They have always been saying stuff like me ‘making them feel miserable about themselves’, them ‘wanting to give up on their stuff because of’ me, or acting angrily toward me just because I did something ‘better’ than them. 
And i felt guilty because I thought they are right and I felt like bad person who makes others’ lives worse. That caused me hate doing anything well and I was afraid of success. I cant finish anything, or start anything because theres always something tapping me on the shoulder and saying “hey, youre not supposed to be better than others, cause youre horrible and you make people feel awful. youre not allowed to be good at anything”. 
and now i feel so angry, and sad. Because turns out those people were all wrong to me. The ones who showed off their jealousy or bullied me or said all that, never even cared about who i was. and in many cases their jealousy was wrong, i wasnt ‘better’, it was obvious they were good but they took out whatever they had on me just cause they have insecuritites or stuff. I had something good, but everything else in my life is not good. Yet those people could do many thing i cant, but they shut me down or said hurtful things to me and made me feel guilty. for nothing.
I am angry because i am in a lot of pain, and I struggle to exist. because of all that stupid jealousy everyone unleashed on me, unfairly. They lashed out, said stuff because they were ‘jealous’, and now they live their lives,and better than me, but I am stuck with all this and it affects every day of my life.
I received some apologies,..from one person, but “oh sorry about that stuff I said it was unfair”  couldnt fix how it affected me. One person realized it was unfiar, but they had been doing it to me and it affected me, it  couldnt be reversed. You [weren’t] sorry back then, and you kept and kept and kept doing it to me, laughing and making fun and lashing and saying how i have everything better, even though i didnt.
its not just about art. its about Everything. Studying, work, waking up, appearance, socializing.
but its also about art.
people can be jealous of my ability to draw expressions and drawing “good designs” (which is subjective opinion, you dont know that.), but I can never make full color or lineart , and i have wrist problems. brain struggles, emotional struggles and other stuff. But people who said stuff, didnt care about that bc all they thought about was their feelings and how bad I make Them feel.
jealousy. it was everywhere, every step i made. 
“friends” would say stuff to me. I am upset and sad because it made me realize that those jealous friends didnt really know me or wanted to know me, cause if they did know me they wouldnt be jealous.
sometimes  i wish they paid for all this, but its evil. me feeling hurt shouldnt excuse me
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tiens-letters · 3 years
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upon autumns day, where you and I met. upon autumns day where I remember all of what we were before youve passed. and upon autumns day would I have ever so slowly let go of that pain of the past
zhongli (angst)
@albeidoof its somewhere here hehehe
Time was a luxury. A treasure each and everything holds.
Yet time is a curse as well. It covets, devours and leaves. which humanity neglects to cherish until the heart ceases its steady rythmn, only then do they regret of the wasted minutes, hours and seconds.
Beneath the flow of the rushing waves of things that have come and gone. Only on this particular day would he sit beneath a certain tree. The rough bark brushing up against his back as leaves fell effortlessly to the ground, as if it were ready to let go of from the branches that gave birth to it, only to return once again to the waiting soil.
It was a sunny afternoon, clear of any clouds and only clear unblemished blue, a good time to enjoy a warm cup of tea yet there was no energy in his bones to even move from where he was.
He felt exhausted. Desultory even.
Gone were the halcyon days of the past, and now the present time of the vivid reality he had to face.
Morax, rex lapis, the geo archon. Names that weighted more than one could carry, memories that shackled his soul that lived for a thousand years on end, all but a stain that could never be washed away.
The breeze slowly danced in, playing with his hair softly, kissing his skin and welcoming him. It carried a hint of aromatic essence only he would know belongs to.
You.
He tried to desperately recount the days after youve left the face of the earth and yet he could not remember or did his mind not allow him to as if he did, it would bring him terrible and heavy consequences for an answer, one sane mind would never want to know.
Sighing, he sat back and recalled back the memories of you instead. When you were alive, warm and breathing in his arms. He remembers the way your eyes would shine brightly whenever he would be around, or the small sound of delight you would make when you have finished another one of the many interesting blends of tea youve done over the course of a week of mixing different flowers and tea leaves. Youve made up quite the fortune with this as your little hobby bloomed into a fully run business known across teyvat.
"Zhongli." he froze, youve never called him by his name ever since youve started getting close, it made him feal uneasy as he turned to look at you who stood by the doorway, a neutral look on your face.
"y-yes?" nervousness clawed at him as he racked his brain to what he couldve done for you to call his name like that, he couldnt think of any.
"I came back from the market and I heard youve made quite the generous payment. Why is that, I wonder?" he's done it again, that spending habit of his
"The price was reasonable for such a fine ceramic tea set, I dont seem to find why it shouldnt reflect its quality?" you sighed as you pointed towards the glass cupboard behind him
"You bought the same exact set a week ago, Zhongli. Thats why." having to realize his mistake after looking over the two identical set that on the shelf, he turned to apologize but only to see you missing from the doorway. Footsteps can be heard from the floorboards above him. You were upset.
After minutes of pacing in the living room, he finally mustered the courage to climb the stairs and enter your shared bedroom. A figure already under the sheets as the warm glow of the lamp illuminated your delicate features. The mattress sunk as he sat beside you, fingers brushing away the stray hair that fell on your face.
"Im still mad at you Zhongli." his hand flinched slightly at the way you called him
"I apologize. I seem to not have learned my lesson again. I would gladly return the set tomorrow."
"Its no use, they dont accept refunds." you replied without sparing a glance at him
"What can I do for you to forgive me then?"
"Just go to sleep, Zhongli." groaning you reached for the switch to shut the lamp off but a gentle grip stopped you, forcing you to look at his gloomy expression. Perhaps you went too far this time.
"Please stop calling me in that way. I dont like it." he whispers, drawing your palm to his lips, leaving small kisses upon it. He sure does know his way around your heart, no wonder why you could not stay mad at him.
"Just be mindful next time." you cursed yourself for being weak to his charms.
"I will." yet something was missing "Then can you call me as you did before?"
"Zhongli?" you could see the slight grimace in his face as you teased him
"Stop it." he kissed you without warning "Call me as you did before."
However, his lips didnt stop as they began to travel. From your cheeks to you forehead and then to your neck. Oh dear, he wasnt having any of your teasing.
"A-li." you giggled beneath him as he finally stopped and met your gaze
"Thats better."
He still remembers the faint smile that graced your lips whenever he would wake up next to you tangled in the same sheets. The softness of your skin on his calloused touch. Your lips melting his and your voice lulling his raging mind to peace.
Then everything changed when you drew blood that spilled from those lips he's kissed for a thousand times, painting a morbid image on the sheets. Anger and despair boiled inside of him once he learned of the secret youve kept. Zhongli was a calm and collected man all of the time except when he was with you.
Having to witness him at such a point felt as if his own spear was being driven right through his very chest. He held you in an arms width away, the panic and pain in his eyes increasing over the minute as he begged for you to explain why youve decided to lie about the flowers that bloomed in your lungs, the sickness youve inherited from your deceased mother, whose fate you soon would follow. You didnt want him to find out, not in this way.
He couldve done anything if he knew from the start but alas, you wanted to be cruel, thinking it was for the best. Until your symptoms persisted, a heavy reminder of the remaining distance of the string you have to walk on to reach the end. The heavy feeling in your chest started to worsen as cherry sweet liquid poured from your mouth.
Soon the once pristine sheets were stained in haunting crimson shades as you heaved and he watched in agony. If only he had the ability of what he once had back then, if only he could plant the seeds of the flowers from yours to his then he would, if only he hadnt met you one autumn evening
" please dont look at me like that. " you told him, cold hands caressing his cheeks, catching the streams of salty warm beads that fell freely from your darling's amber eyes.
"Im sorry. Im so sorry..." the last thing you wanted to see was this man to cry. The last thing you wanted to see was to see him relive the past tragic memories you promised to bring him out of
" my disease has nothing to do with you. In the end it was mine alone to handle. oh, you are far from that so please dont you ever blame yourself."
"How can I not? If I havent fallen so deep then you would experienced so much more in life, you couldve been happier if you met someone else. Yet you chose me and I couldnt give you anything, I--. " the words knotted up as he began to shake, hands holding yours as knuckles turned to white
You slapped him.
With all the strength youve gathered in that fading body of yours. The sound cutting the grieving sounds that spilled from him, soul and flesh alike.
"A-li, look at me. Do I look like someone whose unsatisfied with what youve given me? Did my smile ever fade when Im with you? Did your affections ever lack? Answer me." his watery gaze met yours, a torrent of emotions swimming in them
"No. Never." a soft smile was carved unto your lips
"My dear, youve given me all Ive ever wanted in this life and I regret nothing of it."
To him, you were the flower that bloomed at the highest peak of the mountain he's never reached and yet its petals voluntarily detached and fell down, making him the happiest as one thing he's admired was untouchable and now, lay softly in the palm of his hands. To cherish and to protect.
But of course, all things are evanescent.
The familiar feeling of soreness that wasnt supposed to be there rose, ebbed and flowed through his throat. He knew it all too well, it was after he woke from his week long slumber did he feel it along with what his ancient beating heart felt.
"You collapsed." the worried words of the qixing echoed in his head. He frantically got up but as soon as his feet touched the floor did his legs give out underneath him, what use was he in this sorry state. He was helped up and sat back on the edge of the bed.
He wanted to ask many things yet was unable to.
Ningguang spoke as if you were still breathing and was visiting her minutes ago with another one of your tea blends. "Dont worry and rest first, go to jueyun karst after. They will be waiting."
To where the adepti resides, who as well, favored you, that one soul among thousands of others. One to which they shared a few good memories with was allowed to slumber there in peace.
Zhongli found himself waking up to the sun setting in the horizon. Just like how youve gone and resurfaced back into his memories. It was time.
He stood up from where he sat, gloved hands brushing any dirt that clung to him as he made his way to where you slept.
The red bean that was planted by himself still remained, a token of his love for you. Picking one bead and placing it inside the hollow dice he brought along, completing another one of the similar handicraft he's made every visit.
The sun finally died and the moon began its reign. The small wisps of light gathered around before him, forming a blurry image.
It was then he felt at ease, he saw you smiling at him with all there is in the world. Your light seemed to dim a little, hinting the blessing the adepti gave was slowly diminishing. Soon your visits would cease and you were sure that by the end of the power spent, he wouldve let go of the torment that plagued him.
"A-li. Have you been well?" he knew what you meant
"Im letting go slowly my dear. Perhaps in time, I would learn breathe easily once again."
Longest yet lol. Hope yall liked it ehehe
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heyitsyn · 4 years
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Keeping Up With Seijoh Ep. 4
a/n: uwuwuwuwu @animesportboys​ and i were just talking about this and my heart was just bursting at this thought 😭
for more seijoh content, check this masterlist out!
also requests are currently closed right now since i have like nearly 30 to finish so please be patient with me and wait for me to finish it all and until then i can open them up again. however, dont stop sending me cute stuff okay?  🥺
summary: its the time of the month for seijoh’s manager 🥺
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@ yn when shes extra moody and mean during that time and does this every time she hears anything even come out of the boys’ mouth
oh dear
so basically
it’s,,,,,, a natural thing that most girls go through every month for more than half of their lives and its absolutely D R E A D F U L
the boys ofc knew what the hell a period was bc hello health class so they knew you would become this,,, other version of yourself
youd be moodier, childish, and easy to annoy and snap to everyone
but you would quickly realize how you’re acting then be all regretful and teary and cry easily and then youd forget about it then start the cycle again
you’d stick your tongue out at them and tease them mercilessly, making them run even more laps and pushing them harder
‘I SEE THOSE ARMS SHAKING, IWAIZUMI HAJIME. ADD 15 MORE TO THAT ROUTINE’
‘WHAT?!’
‘IF I SEE YOU EVEN A STEP BEHIND KINDAICHI, YOU WILL BE RUNNING 8 MORE LAPS KUNIMI’
‘NOO!!!!’
‘CHECK YOURSELF OUT ONE MORE TIME, YAHABA, I WILL GOUGE OUT YOUR EYES’
‘HAVE MERCY!!!!’
dear god they hated it
when it was time, they would protect themselves and work even harder and be more perfect to make sure you couldnt see their faults and point them out and try and kill them
it was like war for everyone
but they didnt know the exact date it started so they didnt really know when to start preparing for war until it came
this time, you didnt either
you didnt even know you were starting as you were extra busy booking the buses for away comps and collecting and emailing teachers for any missed homeworks for the team
so when it did start,,,
oh dear part 2
it wasnt really something you found out when you woke up that morning but you noticed you must be getting close since you were feeling extra cranky and you havent even been awake for more than an hour
nothing really happened throughout the day so you were just thinking that you didnt get enough sleep last night so you were just tired and wanted to sleep
but then it happened
you were standing next to iwa, reviewing his spike percentages when you shifted your weight to the other leg and then your eyes widened
your water broke
i saw this tiktok of this one girl and she was about to start filming with her friend when her eyes widened and her friend knew immediately and her caption was ‘my water broke’
iwa was worried as heck on to what was going on with you and even followed your gaze to see it on the wall and nothing out of the ordinary
‘y/n?’
‘oh god’
you mumbled and you wanted to run but you were too scared that you leaked and probably have an obvious redness on your white track pants
yep it def was your time bc you felt tears welling up in your eyes and you sniffled, embarrassed and upset for this to happen now, of all times
then oikawa tooru bursted through the doors
iwa, taking his eyes off of you and to the captain, started to yell at him until he noticed the brunette’s flushed face and panting form, hunched over as he gripped on the door handle with the plastic bag
you, too busy trying to think of a way to get out of there like deciding to waddle or to just crawl, didnt see oikawa as he approached you
the team paused and watched as he took a black hoodie from the plastic bag and wrapped it around your waist
‘hmm, y/n-chan, better get dressed so we can go now’
he hummed and you snapped out of your panic and looked up at him with watery eyes
‘oikawa-san’
you whispered and he nodded, eyes knowing what was going on
‘coach, theres a planetarium special tonight’
oikawa shouted without tearing his gaze away from you and coach irihata instantly knew, knowing the code that oikawa came up with when you became a part of the family team
the elder coach made a noise of agreement and oikawa didnt wait to up and carry you in his arms and waved to the team while pushing your head in his chest so you can hide
‘work hard everyone!’
‘oi, shittykawa! what the hell-!’
but an intense side-eye from his best friend shut him up and he knew something happened so he didnt say anything since he trusts oikawa to fix it
‘i trust you will take care of them, iwa-chan’
iwaizumi nodded firmly before shouting to resume back to practice and he himself went back to the line for spikes
you were carried to the bathroom so you could change into your emergency undies and pad and after you did your business, oikawa noticed you uncomfortably waddling towards him so he took you back into his arms
oikawa continued to carry you like his bride down the street towards an unknown destination, humming a children’s show tune that takeru loved to watch, while you maintained curled around yourself, partly due to the shame but also from the pain in your abdomen
you wiped the few stray tears that spilled past your eyes and oikawa chuckled when he noticed you aggressively wipe them off
‘hmm, y/n-chan, you shouldnt do that to yourself. it irritates your eyes and the skin around it so gently dab it next time, kay?’
you nodded, burrowing back to his chest and breathing in his scent
french toast
he smelled like french toast as the smell of caramel and vanilla wafted into your nose
‘howd you know’
you mumbled against the fabric of his jacket
oikawa stopped his humming and replaced it with a chuckle
‘oh, y/n-chan. oikawa-san is a reliable senpai, dont you know? i got a tracker! just for you!’
he answered and your eyes moved from his arm to his smile and you gripped his jacket tighter, fingers curled around it as if it was your lifeline
‘thank you, oikawa-san’
your words of appreciation made oikawa’s heart thump and he faltered a little, blush creeping up his neck, but he fought it down, covering it up with a smirk
‘you should be, y/n-chan! girls would kill to be you right now!’
you rolled your eyes at the return of his cocky attitude but you knew better
the real oikawa tooru was under that mask
turns out, he carried you to his home as his house was the closest while yours had to be taken by a bus
thankfully his parents were out and his sister and nephew were in a trip in tokyo that you had the house to yourselves without anyone asking questions that might make you uncomfortable and them misunderstand
he shut the door with his foot and made his way up the stairs with ease, his strength truly impressing you at that moment, before settling you down on his bed
it wasnt even on purpose but you curled yourself on his blanket, head buried in his pillow
his heart combusted and tooru had to look away or else he wouldve jumped on you and coddled you forever
instead, he quickly ran over and knelt down under his desk to reach for the box that he has prepared for you
‘y/n-chan, i never knew your pattern until last month so i was able to prepare for you now’
you looked up from your position on the bed and sat up enough to see him standing there, grinning with a mint green box
‘wh-what is that?’
you asked and he shuffled over, sitting next to you
‘this, is the y/n care love box! this special box was created by yours truly with everything you want and need during this dreadful week. theres your favorite food, warm socks, coupons you can spend like watching movies and eating ten tubs of ice cream while we talk shit about the boys’
he listed, gripping the box nervously 
‘so? do you like it?’
he looked away from the box and to you but his smile slipped into a panicked one when he saw you silently crying and biting your lip to keep the sobs in
‘y-y/n-chan! i-its okay if y-you dont like it! o-oikawa-san can-’
‘no!’
you cut him off and lunged to hug him with all your might
hehe all might
E A T   T H I S
‘i love you so much, oikawa-san! so much! thank you!’
you sobbed into his neck and he tightly hugged you back, lifting you so you could comfortably sit on his lap straddle him if you want me to be straight forward
oikawa gently moved so he was leaning against the wall that his bed was pressed against while you were pressed against his warmth
his fingers were drawing small circles on your back and whispering corny jokes or puns that made you giggle and laugh and occassionally, he would kiss your nose and you would whine at the ticklish feeling
eyes fleeting around the room, your eyes settled back on the box and you reached out, wanting to grab it until oikawa beat you to it and snatched it for you then placed it on your hold
‘whats inside, oikawa-san?’
you cutely mumbled, sitting comfortably back on his thighs so you could open the box in front of you
oikawa laughed
‘just open it and figure it out yourself, y/n-chan’
you pouted at his tease but smiled widely when you revealed the contents inside
‘oikawa-san!’
his eyes followed your surprised expression and his hands gripped your waist
‘you like it?’
he whispered and you nodded, looking back up at him and kissing his cheek, his 
‘youre so sweet, oikawa-san! like-like this candy bar! howd you know i like this?’
you held up the treat and he shrugged
‘i keep seeing you get it whenever we go to the store’
you continued to sift through the things, seeing a dvd of your favorite movie, a f/c heating pad, a note that said your favorite ice cream was in the fridge, a bag of your favorite chips, fluffy socks, the goodies
you didnt even notice yourself crying again, only realizing it when there were wet spots beneath you
oikawa saw this and he quickly but gently put the box to the side and cradled your face with both of his hands, softly wiping the tears away with his thumbs
‘aw, dont cry, my little baby. princesses should never cry’
you sniffled and choked a laugh
‘hah, n-not a baby. j-just hor-monal’
you complained and oikawa snickered but shook his head then kissed your nose again
‘youre my baby’
you didnt have it in you to complain so you went back to snuggling into him
oikawa squeezed you and went back to drawing the circles on your back and he felt you relax into his touch and slump against his form, slowly starting to snore
your head rested on his shoulder and he turned slightly to watch your eyes flutter and nose scrunch when a strand of your hair fell on it
his heart continued to beat faster and faster and it showed by the way his fingers shook as he carefully lifted the hair away from you
he slowly bent down to give you a kiss on the forehead before laying you down to sleep more comfortably
‘good night, princess’
he sweetly placed a last kiss on your cheek before getting up to go prepare your heating pad for when you wake up
the next few days were possibly the best period days youve ever had
maybe because it was oikawa telling the team that you were in,,,,, satan’s domain currently and they should be careful with you so they tried their best to lift the weight and burden off of your shoulders
however,,
the next day after the incident,,,
they still didnt know what was wrong with you and oikawa forgot to text the gc about your condition so they were still unknowing
like today
during your classes, you were feeling off, almost nauseous but eating little bits of your chocolate treats were helping you get through until lunch
ofc kunimi noticed bc hellow he sits next to you and he doesnt pay attention during class so hes been watching you sneak little bites so the teacher doesnt see and ducking under your book
he was just amused with the way your eyes would widen if you thought the teacher caught you
kindaichi and kunimi and you usually ate lunch together at your classroom since you three only got to hang out as first years during lunch
so they know you usually have a bento with you and have a general idea of how much you eat
and kunimi thought since you ate all those chocolates earlier, you wouldnt eat as much food but then he saw you scarf down your bento, eat 2 more bags of chips and was finishing last chocolate bar
kindaichi,,,, wasnt even finished with his own bento and was watching you, amazed, at how easily you ate all of it
they didnt say anything since they thought you just didnt eat dinner last night but even during the walk towards the gym for after school practice, you were complaining that you were hungry and was eating another chocolate bar
they thought something was truly wrong bc you were eating so much more than usual
kunimi watched you chew on it as you opened the gym door and still ate even when you were talking to mattsun about his jump height
‘man, you sure are hungry, aren’t you, y/n? thats like your fifth chocolate bar today’
kunimi teased, grabbing a ball to spike but he froze, seeing you with the coldest and angriest look hes ever seen
you blinked at him, grip tightening on the treat, and mattsun slowly backing away from you
you advanced towards the blep boy, treat already forgotten and shoved to be held by mattsun 
despite your shorter height than kunimi, he trembled slightly as you looked up at him
‘are you calling me fat, kunimi? are you? am i fat? do you think im ugly? im a piggie?’
you ranted and slowly started crying, making kunimi frantically scramble to stop you before the other upperclassmen see or worse, oikawa-san
‘y/n-wait-no!-um’
‘y/n-chan?’
kunimi shut his eyes tightly in fear at the deadly sweet voice of his captain and kindaichi and mattsun sent a quick prayer to their fellow teammate before he was going to get killed
‘uh oh, i think we’d have to start looking for a replacement for kunimi’
makki, who just arrived, teased making kindaichi fearfully look at him
‘eh?!’
‘oh, you first years have never seen oikawa mad, have ya? well, you’ll get front seat of it!’
mattsun clapped him in the back making him gulp
you werent sobbing but you were definitely crying, tear tracks quickly being wetted by the numerous amount of tears that fell
kunimi scrambled to his knees and folded himself, forehead resting on the floor by his hands
‘I APOLOGIZE! PLEASE DONT KILL ME! I APOLOGIZE! PLEASE FIND MERCY IN YOURSELF AND FORGIVE ME, Y/N-SAMA!’
it was certainly a sight to see
normally calm and collected and chill and relaxed hippie kunimi begging to be forgiven
oikawa stepped forward but you quickly felt the change of your mood, feeling bad for your boy and scrambling to pull him back up
‘oh kunimi-kun! dont kneel like that! the floor is too hard and might give you knee pain!’
it was like whiplash
iwa stepped in the gym and saw the team’s confused and bewildered expressions and saw you, kunimi, and oikawa and he shook his head
this aint even half of bad as he has seen
oikawa gently took you away from kunimi and held you to him instead, giving you a smile, to which you returned, and looked at kunimi, a deadly glint in his eye
‘what happened, y/n-chan?’
the tone of his voice sent a chill to run down everyone’s spines and even iwa, the boy who’s seen this a handful of times, shivered and nervously watched oikawa, ready to jump in
but you just blinked, completely unaware of the change of atmosphere
‘oh, um, i overreacted. i was eating too much food today and mustve annoyed him or something’
you sheepishly mumbled but oikawa was having none of it
‘no, its fine. youre literally bleeding out as we speak! dont feel the need to validate yourself!’
he lightly scolded while you hung your head low and continued to apologize but he gently bonked your head before scolding you again
the team definitely knew now that you were in that,,,, time and they definitely knew now, especially kunimi, that even if youve seen oikawa mad, youd think that the devil was more merciful than him when it relates to the topic of you
a/n: i swear to GGGOOOOODDDDDD im an oikawa whore who cant seem to stop writing for him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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night-rhea · 3 years
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Sometimes, its really hard to keep yourself motivated. I know many people can relate at this. Social media can be, cold sometimes. Because, we actually dont know what people think about us,do we? I mean, i mostly dont know. Especially here in tumblr, well i dont use any other platform either jhgfghjkl Sure i have few friends here ,which is im SO grateful, but in majority idk how people see me, or my oc's. I also dont know if thats normal or bad or good.
Why am i talking about that?? Well its because today im kind of emotional. Today is my first years anniversary in tumblr, and i kinda wanna talk. Randomly.
My thirst for drawing started in last year in middleschool. I had many stories in my mind and i wanted to see them on paper. I wanted it so badly, so i tried. Of course i knew results wont be perfect, but i also didnt expected it to be that bad.
I tried many times, but surely not enough, and after many fails i gave up. I told myself "You are not talented for this Naz, you will never be. You are wasting your time and hurting yourself. Find something else."
And i did. I stopped trying. I didnt know this was the worst decision i can make.
İn my last year in highschool -which is one year ago from today- i was kiiinda depressed because of my univercity exam. I wasnt sure which one i wanted to go, i was just randomly studying for a good point in exam. But studying without knowing what you want to do was harder than i thought. When this covid thing happened and i had to stay in my room for months and just study, i just couldnt take it anymore.
I told myself "Fuck everything. Fuck it. You wont do anything good anyway."
I wanted to play some games to kill time, and finished few games. That was the time i remembered Hogwarts Mystery. And i downloaded again. And i fell in love with it.
Time to admit, back then i didnt watch any Hp movie, or read its books. No, i just knew the Harry Potter, saw few film scenes on tv but that it. So its safe to say i learned the Hp universe with Hphm, with Night. It was expected for me to want draw them.
And suprisingly i really started to draw. I didnt care how bad it was, i was already in bottom end i thought it cant be any worse.
And here i am. İn the end of my first year of univercity, studying comminication design, taking art classes, using little graphic tablet. With Night, i realized thats what i want to do. I also find the courage to come out as enby, with Night again. Look how my art changed, how Night changed in a year.
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Sometimes i wonder what it would be like if i didnt gave up on drawing, back then when i was in middle school. Thats why im keep saying everyone i know to not stop, believing in theirselves.If you want to do something, that feeling will never leave you alone. You will always want to do it and will do it one day too. Just dont lose that much time like me.
Sooo as you can see, Night is pretty important to me, so Tumblr. Thats why i deeply care about mc's here, all the amazing people here. Because all of you are part of Night's life, at least in my eyes. Thats why a simple like on my art makes me feel happy for week, a simple comment makes me feel loved, cared, seen.
It pains me to find it hard to reach people here. Like most of us here, im not sure if im bothering someone, annoying someone, or talk too much or talk shit too much. It doesnt even makes sense most of times, dont worry i know. But i feel like it anyway. But its okay, isnt it?
I believe we need to let ourselves to feel negative things. To get rid off them. Thats what im doing it anyway. It also shows me how i have love for somethings in my heart, enough to get hurt by it. In its own weird way, im happy to feel that love. If a little negativity comes with it, who cares??
Im happy to be here, cant believe its been a year. I cant believe how my art changed during that time, how i changed.
If im liking your posts, reblogging, leaving comment; i hope you at least smile and feel seen. Because im here, seeing your hard work and amazing results (even if you think its not amazing)
Thank you, and i hope you are also happy to be here. Because i am happy that youre here.
Happy one year anniversary to me and Night, i guess
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Dimmed Lights (Pt.1)
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Roman Prince-Duke lives in a world where the markings of your body determine every aspect of your life.
Those with soul marks that glow brightly wherever they go are revered, seated first at restaurants, busses, given the best picks of whatever goods they look for.
Those with unlit soul marks are treated with kindness and reassurance that one day, it will glow.
Those with gray soul marks are rarely asked questions, they are treated with respect, and caution, as everyone knows you should treat someone who's lost a lover.
And then there were those like Roman, who never had a soul mark to begin with. He supposed it could have been worse for him, he hadnt been kicked out at least. No, instead he'd been forced to get a tattoo at age seven, granted, he'd been allowed to pick it out, and he'd gotten two, because he liked the idea of two.
The first was very obviously the head of Medusa, located on his left arm, she was fierce and she could protect him, turning those who tried to ask about her legitimacy to stone with a glare.
The second was a raging storm, located on his chest, powerful and relentless, something that could give Roman strength.
The tattoos made him feel better when he wasnt thinking about them fully. When he saw passing glances of a snake or the hint of a lightning bolt, it was almost like they were real. But he couldnt think about them for to long, or else he would remember that they were merely artistic features, that would never really glow.
"Roman! Wake up! Your brother's wedding is today!" Roman felt numb.
His brother had met his first soulmate, Logan, on an ordinary trip to the store, Logan was short, with messy brown hair, round glasses, and freckles, these freckles, however, were shaped like stars, and glowed just as bright when the two were together. Remus' second soulmate, Patton, also had round glasses and freckles, though his soul mark came in the form of a few octopus tentacles that ran down his arms, and one of which could be seen on his neck. Remus himself had the solar system etched down his spine, as well as a realistically shaped heart above his- well- heart.
"Alright mother!" Roman said, not all to enthusiastically, as he got out of bed. It wasnt that he wasnt happy for Remus, of course he was happy! But talking about weddings or anniversaries or anything like that often made him think even more about the lack of a true soulmate present on his arm or chest.
Lots of people said it was taboo to allow a Soulless into an event so integral to most romantic soulmates, or to any even at all, regardless of relation to those who had planned it. Remus, of course, thought this was a load of crap. The twins parents on the other hand had tried to convince him that this was a bad idea, but Remus, much to Roman's delight and dismay, didnt listen.
At least the dress was pretty, Roman was glad Remus knew his style so well. The dress itself was a gradient of reddish-pink to a sort of creme color, with a brown braided belt around the waist. There wasnt necessarily a full sleeve, more of a strap that went around one shoulder. After he'd managed to get the tan and brown heels on his feet he walked downstairs.
He was immediately hit with the scent of one of his favorite breakfast foods, strawberry pancakes.
"I know today might be a little hard for you so I made you something nice," said his mother, giving him a small kiss on the forehead.
"Thanks mom," Roman said, smiling slightly. It took him ages to even start on his food, he loved strawberry pancakes of course, but with everything that would be happening that day his stomach felt like it was eating itself from the inside out.
The wedding was of course, amazing. Remus looked more put together than he ever had in his life, Patton and Logan's dresses would have made any celebrity burst with rage at how good they looked.
The only thing that kept the scene from being as nice as it could be, was Roman. Roman with his sad eyes. Roman with his clearly fake smile. Roman with the faded tattoos that got him strange looks if someone looked close enough to realize that some spots had, instead of black and white hues that would have been easy to explain, no color at all.
But Roman tried his best not to ruin his brother's big day. He kept a smile on his face and politely deflected any questions he was asked about soulmates, all while biting the inside of his cheek till it bled.
Which lead to the conversation he was currently having with Remus in the bathroom.
"You shouldve told me you were uncomfortable! I swear your face hasnt bled this much since you accidentally ran into that tree when we were kids," Remus was holding tissues up to the spots of Roman's mouth that were currently more red than his hair.
"But it's your wedding! You should be out there having fun! Not in here worrying about your screw up of a brother who cant even deflect a simple question about soulmates," Roman said, still trying not to cry.
"Roman." Remus' tone took a sudden turn, still worried, but now with a hint of sharpness.
"You are not a screw up. It is not your fault that society has placed so much importance on finding a soul mate that a wedding for one romantic and one queerplatonic relationship is held solely for their enjoyment rather than for the partners involved. It is not your fault that people without markings are treated as though they cant have bonds. Do you understand me? This. Is. Not. Your. Fault." Remus had his hands on Roman's shoulders now.
"But I-" Remus stuffed a macaroon in Roman's mouth before he could finish the sentence.
"No buts except yours on the dance floor with me and the boys, and if anyone asks about your markings again tell them I'll punch them in the eyes." Remus said, smiling.
Roman was much happier with the after party once he had something to respond when asked about his status.
But then the wedding ended, and Remus wasnt in the house anymore. Now Roman was all alone with his thoughts, now he had to think about the tattoos and his future and everything else Remus would have talked over. Now the only voice he could hear was his own, screaming at him, waiting for him to drown in its miserable echoes.
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Tag list:
@nerosdayinhell
@thecolorfulolive
@teamplutoforlife
@faycanyons
@boobmaster69
@spooky-scary-virgil
@youtuberswithalex
@sleepy-sphinx
@meowthefluffy
@melodiread
@astronomical-bagel
@shitpost-sides
@loveyatothemoonandback
@coconut-cluster
@maryann-draws
@thefivecalls
@pricklyfish777
@moxy--sanders101
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jcfoxington · 3 years
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@sambambucky​ : “pls... Pastels, Peaches and Pain??? among us first draft??? marvel meets warframe meets a bunch of tumblr posts (it’s not an au!?!??!)
hi jo !!! Pastels, Peaches, and Pain is one of those sambucky wips i have mostly fully fleshed out in my head because of one (1) extreme moment of clarity after a rogue ‘what if’ tangent thought but havent written anything of yet out of restraint / knowing i need to finish at least one of my current sambucky wips before i start it or none of them will get done
this was the rogue tangent thought: “what if Sam is haunted by Figaro’s ghost and has been since he was a kid?”. i’ve changed the ghost cat to not be Figaro but that’s the premise !
i refer to the fic as the cat fic ‘cause the whole plot is based around sam’s ghost cat companion insisting he adopts nat’s cat Liho after endgame and then Figaro later and then [insert redacted because plot spoilers but just know it relates to Alpine]. no im not projecting my feelings about cats idk what youre talking about 
here’s some note snippets just for you:
the cat, inexplicably, takes a liking to bucky, which is really annoying bc sam doesnt know how to explain to him that all the oddly soft gusts of wind are actually sam's dead cat insisting on getting pats
bucky getting shade thrown at him by said ghost cat during all of tfatws + them making up (and not out. yet)
starts when sam's a kid & follows him as he grows up w/ a ghost kitty as a companion only he can see & interact with + angst with an undertone of comedy + getting together
he whispers to ghost kitty, who simply mmrrs happily
for the among us first draft thing, what basically happened is i saw this tweet and this video and my brain latched onto these dynamics so hard i had to write about them. 
here’s a sketch of my two main imposters, Black (left) and Cyan (right):
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and here’s a snippet:
The thing having Cyan pause and stare out at the asteroid field is how the colors stretch to family. When they and Black came aboard, they had thought every crewmember was an adult working on the planet-change project. That the patch of off-white with a black something-pattern-or-shape signified status. In a way, Cyan supposes it does, but just not the way they expected. They had expected it to show what rank an individual held within the hierarchy of the crew, from deckhand to division leader to captain, not to show that you're family of the crew and not actually part of the crew itself. 
There are innocents on this ship. Children. It was not something any of them had anticipated, and not something Cyan had been prepared to deal with. They and Black boarded this horrible place to eradicate a threat, believing each and single one of the humans were accomplishes and dedicated to the goal of destroying Cyan and Black's species, and their planet. But, now?
marvel meets warframe meets a bunch of tumblr posts... doesn’t have a wip title or seperate document for itself yet cause it’s been stuck in my ‘story ideas’ document since its creation. so ‘marvel meets warframe meets a bunch of tumblr posts’ is literally just me describing the vibe of an original world gjkerfkds
the world came to be for two reasons. firstly, i want to do make take on a superhero universe because the plot and complete lack of communication in both the dcu and mcu piss me the fuck off. secondly, needed a place to dump ocs with elaborate backstories or fantasy / sci-fi abilities that dont fit into any of my existing worlds
which sounds super competent but trust me, it isn’t. it didn’t gain any solidity at all until i decided to do a personal ‘how different can i make spn castiel look & still retain the same vibe?’ challenge. i have my own cas now
however, the reason i said ‘marvel meets...’ is because i’ve snagged a couple of different things from the mcu, most notably: enemies to reluctant coworkers to lovers, yes our best friend have the same name. no they’re not the same person, secret evil org is controlling the government, and the assassin that tried to kill you several times is now your best friend
warframe was added to the world because i got attached to my Volt build, gave them a name, and have some headcanons idk what to do with because i refuse to interact with that fandom. also because the friend i made through discussing warframe lore + plot dicked me over so it feels Bad to create for
the glue to this whole mess is that one “in every friend group there’s a mean bisexual, an even meaner lesbian, a she/they, a he/they, a himbo, an astrology bitch, a short king, and a token straight” tumblr post. my main group of superheroes ala the avengers consist of these people. the token straight is the only one i havent figured out who is yet
ever since i figured that out ive been throwing story / character ideas and weirdly specific aesthetics from popular tumblr posts into this world’s notes. here’s some examples:
sword grandmas
that trope where someone’s really nice and acts super well-adjusted to society but then they do something super whack and dangerous and you realize ‘oh they’re secretly a little bit insane, actually’
anti-gay group’s leader’s wife leaves him for another woman
superhero who swore to be the best hero [city / planet / solar system / continent / ????] has ever seen ever since he lost his wife. not because she’s dead but divorce just sucks & the hero-to-be is terrible at coping
dishevelled swamp witch
that one person who runs around with an amulet all the time & isn’t aware it’s cursed
an exasperated, tired superhuman assassin running after their husband and their husband's best friend. their husband and said husband's best friend both have wings. chaos ensues (yes, this one is a sambucky post)
ask me about my WIPs!
BONUS:
@sambambucky​​ : #i want to have a coffee and listen to synopses of all of these.... #i miss the discord wow #WRITING TAG #waitttt time jumping dream movie? lmao I'VE READ THIS LIST FORTY TIMES and every time i rediscover something i wanna know about #outfit doodlesss ugh i need to go
couldnt not respond to your tags because they make me go ghrkjfnerknf but in the good way. we miss you too jo !!
the time jumping dream movie was one of the first vivid dreams i had and the whole thing was so stupidly coherent and whacky i had to write it down. it grew plot, a queer love dynamic, weird sci-fi apocalypse elements, anti-military propaganda, questionable science, and a sequel while i wasnt looking and now i just. have to make it a real movie or i’ll combust
outfit djoodlles.png is only on there because my best friend sent me a ‘draw this outfit’ meme and space kitty, my current character brainrot, stole all the outfits for himself. otherwise, that file just sits there until im feeling like designing an outfit or wanna see how a stupid thing looks on my oc patrick
here’s one of the two poses-to-doodle-outfits-on of space kitty ive made so far:
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and here’s one of those stupid things on patrick (that then turned into an actual outfit of his because i have no self control):
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hazelolive · 4 years
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So I comissioned @anjchan8 to draw my ocs and I orginally was going to make it into like a devilgram with a short cute fluffy story added to it but! I thought of a way to include it to Kera and Damien’s main story. I absolutely love how it came out and feel it displays exactly how Both Kera And Damien feel at the end of this part of there story. (plus there so pretty like looooooook at em ^_^)
It had been 2 days since Kera had seen Damien and she was growing worried. Sure she was shocked to find out that he wasnt human like her but after that talk she had with mammon she had started to calm down about it. She was still a tiny bit annoyed that he didnt tell her because younger her probably wouldve found it awesome, but slightly more understanding now that there probably was a reason behind him keeping it secret.
She however was worried about her friend. She hadnt seen him in 2 days and any time she asked lucifer were he was hed say something stupid like. That doesnt matter, or kera im busy, please leave my study. Mammon didnt know where he was either. Which made sense because he left to follow her and She hadnt been able to get ahold of Diavolo.
So she was here worrying about the state of her friend and how it must of looked with her just walking out upset and almost crying after he acidently revealed his big secret to her. She had checked the addict twice and even cast a detect magic spell shed learned from Simon just to make sure lulu didnt pull any of his old tricks that he did with Belphy.
But she couldnt find him. She had searched the house of lamentation top to bottom while bothering Luci on mutiple ocassions. But he just wasnt here. She had been pacing the floor for 2 hours now and she was tired of waiting. She grabbed her ddd and decided she was going to storm diavolos castle if she must.
It was a little weird heading to the castle without any of the brothers with her to act as a guide. But luckily she didnt run into any trouble. She entered through the grand doors. She had gotten this but there was a sense of now what? This was a big castle with many rooms probably some of them hidden or off limits she she shouldnt just go exploring.
She decided that she might as well look for diavolo she was about to start her search when she ran into someone. She looked up after letting out a audible umph and saw she had ran straight into barbattos.
"You should be more careful Kera. Wouldnt want you to hurt yourself now would you?"
"Barb! Im sorry about that. I didnt mean to run face first into your chest."
"Its fine im just glad you didnt run into anything less forgiving, like a stone pillar for instance." He said knocking on the one behind him.
She gave off a little nervous laugh. Well this was embarrassing.
"What do we owe the pleasure of this unexspected visit?"
"I need to speak to diavolo. Theres someone im trying to find."
"Aw do you mean your little friend?"
She looked up surprised for a second.
"How did you- wait I shouldnt ask of course you would know."
He just gave off a little amused laugh.
"Right this way."
Kera tentively followed barbatoss, down a few hallways, and a long corridor till he opened the door to a room and on the other side damien sat. horns still on display but he seemed to be in a fresh pair of clothes.
She was relieved to see him and he didnt seem any worse for wear
"Damien! Your alright! Thank goodness." Kera said throwing her arms around him.
"You say that as if you exspected us to harm him." Barbattos said with a small laugh.
"Well not you but I know luci was in the room when I left and I know how he can get. Plus he refused to tell me anything concerning him after the fact. "
"Well I can asure you lucifer or luci as you like to call him was only able to give him a good tongue thrashing. Diavolo made sure of that."
"Can you give him my thanks."
"It would be my pleasure but im sure he'd love to hear from you."
"Alright and Lucifer probably wont admit it himself but he may have been annoyed because of all the paperwork he had to help fill out concerning Damiens sudden Arrival."
"Oh! Is that why he wasnt around for 2 days?"
"Yes, we had to ask him all sorts of questions, like who was he, where did he live before, how did he get here, Where he will be living now, etc. But we finished up all the paperwork this morning and gave him his own ddd so he should be free to go."
"Thank you so much Barbattos. Im sorry you guys had to go through so much trouble."
"It was no trouble at all but im sure you two have plenty to catch up on so ill excuse myself for now." He said giving a slight bow and leaving the room.
As soon as she left she found herself drifting back over towards damien.
"So I see you got yourself a nice new pair of clothes."
He didnt say anything just kept her back to her.
"Damien?"
No response.
She began to worry. Was he mad at her?
She put her hand on his shoulder and he turned further away almost violently.
She was confused but then she heard the tiniest of sniffles. Oh no. She leaned over him to see he was crying.
"Damien! Whats wrong!" She started to panic. He looked fine before but now he was crying and she wasmt sure why.
"Dont Look at me! I cant get them to go away when im like this."
"What are you talking about? Are you talking about your horns-"
"I cant pretend to be human. To be like you when im like this."
"Hey, hey, hey you dont have to pretend to be anything!" She said running around so he could she her.
She looked up and saw him open his tear stained eyes.
"But you said. Your were so upset when you found out what I was. And I was so worried and tired after searching that I didnt have the energy to hide it."
"Hey Listen here." She said as she gently grabbed his face and wiped away some of the tears that had just fallen from his eyes. "I dont care if your a demon. You could be a demon, a human, and angel it doesnt matter to me."
"But you said-"
"Im not done. You could be any of those and it wouldnt change my opinion of you. I was upset and shocked because you never told me and it felt like you didnt trust me or care enough about me to let you in on a big factor of your life."
"It has nothing to do with that! Of course I trust and care about you. I was afraid you hate me that you'd call me a monster and never want to see me again."
"I could never serriously hate you! I love you to much to ever hate you!"
Kera visibly stiffened. What had she just said!?
"You love me?" He said as his last few tears fell.
"No......."
"You love me." He started to smile. "You actually love me."
"Shut up I dont."
"You said it you cant take it back now."
"I said I loved you not that I was in love with you."
"You love me."
"How many times are you going to say that." She started to pout she was embarrassed enough as it was. She didnt mean to say it in the first place it just sort of slipped out. She was glad he stopped crying and was happy now but now she just kind of wanted to hide.
It was her turn to hide her face as he tried to peek around at her blush. He tried seeing her face but every time shed turn some so he was only able to catch glimpses. Well if she was going to be like that.
Without a second thought he scooped her up and threw her over his shoulder. He was just really happy now. He was basically over the moon. He could feel the wicked grin start to spread across his face and was glad that Kera was over his shoulder because she probably would've smacked him for it.
"What do you think your doing!"
"Gee I wonder."
"Put me down!"
"I don't think I will not for a while anyway."
"Do you even know where your going!?"
"Nope."
@butter-beel @anjchan8
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shhh-no-ones-home · 4 years
Text
loud mouth colson baker(mgk) x reader
+++++++++ So I had a dream about him and it's all I've been thinking about all day so here ya go, this seems to be a theme lately lol
Song: aint talking bout love by van halen
tag list: @cynic-spirit +++++++++
"Wow you really know how to make a mess don't you."
My friend said, looking around at the room piled with clothes. I picked a shirt up and tossed it at him.
"Shut up, I told you I needed to clean out my closet."
He laughed at me, folding it and putting it in top of my desk.
"You're gonns need some serious help with this."
I began plucking clothing items off my bed and folding them.
"Yeah I know, colson's coming over later and so is Bree."
I watched John pick up another shirt and fold it.
"Lucky me for getting here early."
He joked. I sent him a knowing smile.
"Hey at least Id already started, everything is out of the closet and half of it I'm getting rid of."
I said proudly. He laughed a little at me.
"Okay, please tell me you are losing this one."
He said, hopeful, holding up a very old and worn out mgk shirt. I frowned and snatched it away from him.
"Of course not, colson gave me that the first time I ever went to one of his live shows."
John crossed his arms across his chest at me. Then there was a knock at my bedroom door, drawing our attention to colson standing in the doorway.
"I hope you don't mind I let myself in, the front door was unlocked."
He said with a smile. I dropped the shirt to the bed and went in for a hug.
"Of course not, I told you you can come in any time."
He held me with one hand as he fist bumped John, letting me go a second later.
"So, this looks a little crazy."
He said finally looking around the room. I let out a nervous laugh, going back to my spot at the end of the bed.
"I know it does now but once everything is sorted it'll be a breeze to put away."
He kind of looked at me like I was crazy before stepping over some clothes and making his way to me.
"Okay, where do you want me to start?"
I looked around for a second.
"Um, John's doing shirts, I'm doing this... Wanna start folding and stacking pants?"
I asked, pointing to them. He shrugged.
"Sure."
He walked to the pile and dropped to the ground, sitting with his legs crossed as he began pulling things out.
"So, what did I miss?"
He asked, John sending me a knowing look.
"Not a whole lot."
I said condescendingly, throwing the shirt back at John.
"She won't get rid of this."
He said holding it to his chest and looking down at it. Colson laughed a little bit.
"You still have that? That merch line hasn't been around for years."
He said in wonderment. I put my hands on my hips as he kept folding and stacking.
"You gave that to me, of course I kept it. Do you even remember that night?"
I asked pointedly. He thought for a second before shrugging.
"I don't know y/n I don't remember a lot of shit."
I rolled my eyes as I went back to folding and stacking too.
"It was the first of your live shows you invited me to. When it was over you asked if I was going to that party with you. of course I said I couldnt stay too long but you said I had to anyways. We were at that dude's house till, God, it must been like four in the morning."
We both laughed at the memory. He nodded his head.
"Yeah I remember now, you were so drunk. But that one chic spilled her entire glass of wine down the front of you and it's all I had when we got back to my place."
He laughed, John looking between us with a smirk on his face. I couldn't help but think fondly of that night, even if it did go quite awry.
"Sounds like quite a night."
John mentioned, sending me another knowing look.
"It really was."
Colson stood up and placed the stack of pants on the bed next to the one I was working on.
"If I remember correctly, that was also the first time you had drank yourself into a hangover. Literally."
I cringed.
"Yeah, I was so sick that next day, I was honestly just glad you were there."
I turned to John as he sat.
"I literally couldn't walk, I was violently sick the whole day, and the headache I had was like none I've ever had in my life."
Colson laughed a little bit, nudging my arm with his elbow.
"Lucky for you I'm a great hangover doctor."
°°°°°°°°° I looked to Bree as she handed me another hanger, the guys in the other room deciding on dinner. We had been at this most of the day and I was beginning to wonder who the hell let me do this to myself. There was a mountain of clothes by my door that was all stuff I had planned to get rid of. Part of me felt refreshed but I still had to finish putting away what was left.
"Aw I remember you telling me about this one."
She said picking up the shirt we had talked about earlier. I smiled to myself as I put it on the hanger.
"Ya know we had just finished talking about that night right before you got here."
She pouted.
"So I missed the best story about you two? No fair."
She protested, sulking down into her seat. I laughed a little bit.
"As if you don't know every detail anyway."
She perked back up as she handed me another shirt hanger.
"Well yeah but I still love hearing about it. That's when it all started."
She said winking at me and I waved the shirt in my hand at her.
"That's our secret ma'am."
I said through gritted teeth and she just laughed at me.
"They aren't in here what does it matter."
She said at me.
"You just love a man Willing to take you... Oops I meant take care of you."
My eyes went wide, my mouth dropping as I playfully gasped at her.
"Excuse you! He's just a friend."
I said matter of factly and she raised an unimpressed brow at me.
"Sure he is. It's not like you two don't flirt relentlessly at each other all the time or anything."
I rolled my eyes as I finished hanging the last few things up.
"What about it? Friends flirt with each other all the time."
"Really?"
She said flatly. Then John came in the room, colson hot on his heels.
"Pizza."
Was all he said. Bree and I looked between them.
"Okay?"
I asked and he held the phone out to me.
"Holy shit."
I said taking it from him.
"Do we really need all this food for just the four of us?"
Colson stepped to me and took the phone back.
"Come on y/n, if we're staying the night like you planned you know it's gonna get eaten."
I sighed.
"You buying?"
He grinned widely at me.
"Yes ma'am."
I caved.
"Fine."
"Yes!"
He said giving John a high five and finishing the order. I shook my head.
"You two are ridiculous."
Colson grinned widely at me.
"Yeah, ridiculously hungry."
I laughed.
"You should put that in a song loser."
He handed the phone back to John, him walking back out into the hallway.
"Ooo wait! Are you getting barbeque?!"
Bree yelled, following him quickly. I laughed to myself as I pushed my clothes around in the closet, making sure everything was in its right place. Colson draped his arm over my shoulder, admiring my work.
"I'm proud of us."
He said.
"We got a lot done today."
I nodded against him, bringing my arm around his waist.
"Yes we did, and thanks again, it really means a lot. I definitely needed the help."
I said smiling up at him. He was already staring down at me. I let out a nervous laugh.
"What?"
He grinned widely.
"I wasn't gonna say anything, but Bree is kind of loud..."
My mouth dropped open, taking my hand from his back and covering my face.
"No."
I groaned into my hands as he laughed, wrapping his arms around me and kissing the top of my head.
"Don't be shy baby."
He said, pulling my hands down. I couldn't help the mad blush making its way to my cheeks.
"What did you hear?"
I asked hesitantly, him snaking his arms around my waist.
"You like a man that can take you and take care of you."
He said proudly, a lazy smile playing across his lips. I held my breath and closed my eyes.
"Oh god."
I sighed out. He laughed again, rubbing his finger tips into my lower back.
"Hey, don't feel bad, we've been friends forever. Nothing I can't handle. Besides, I wouldn't flirt back if I wasnt a little interested."
My eyes went wide at his words.
"What are you saying?"
I asked skeptically. He smirked at me.
"Kiss me and find out."
He said lowly. I just stared at him. My brain couldn't comprehend what was happening. Before I knew it he was moving towards me and I couldn't breathe. A second later his lips were on mine and I was kissing him like my life depended on it. He dipped me down, holding me tightly to him. When he pulled away I inhaled sharply, needing as much air as I could get. Or at least that's what it felt like. My lungs burned and my brain was misfiring. He half smiled before pecking me on the lips again.
"God I should've done that ages ago."
He breathed out and I nodded.
"Agreed."
I said, pulling him back down to me and kissing him passionately.
"Yes!"
I heard Bree shout, making me smile against him. When he pulled away we both looked to the doorway, Bree dancing in place as John stood there with his mouth open.
"How long has that been a thing?!"
He said shocked. Bree punched his arm making him flinch away. She ran to us, giving us a collective hug.
"I love you guys."
She said looking between us and I couldn't help but blush again.
"Thanks Bree."
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Text
Life After Snowpiercer: Whos Left?
Summary- 5.3k. Curtis x Y/N. Curtis takes Yona and Timmy towards the back of the train, finding unexpected survivors along the way. You are caught in a situation not so simple to escape from. Violence 
a/n- The scenes involving gun fire, I cant claim to know exactly how they work, seeing as Ive never dealt with them, so details might be sketchy. 
Chapter 5 / Masterlist
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The group followed you, but hell if you knew where you were going, more and more people came out of the cars scattered around, equally in as much shock as you. Somewhere someone was wailing uncontrollably, there was still who knows how many guards in the car you all left, and right now the mix of people looking at You, of all people to tell them what to do. It was just overwhelming. Almost to much. You could feel your breathing rush in hurried huffs, and your senses starting to swarm.
Babygirl Breathe. 
Curtis Its to much. 
Think, you need to get them out of the cold first, Shelter. Pick the best car. 
Okay....
“Alright everyone were not gonna last out here, and its gonna be dark soon.” Shadows were starting to stretch around you all, and the sky above you all was going from a bright blue hue to purplish and bits of stars were scattering around. When you looked up, it was still like out of a dream. When did you last gaze at stars? “Is there any car anyone knows of that might have food, blankets... anything?” 
Everyone looked among one another, when someone you were least suspecting to see stepped forward, Paul, who had been taken from the tail end years ago cleared his throat. “That one on the end, its full of protein bars, the machinery is all broke, but that one and the one behind are still connected together when I came out, and it was abandoned before Curtis came through. Plenty of room for all of us.” You nod in agreement, and sure everyone stayed together, you all moved as a group. Falling back to where Paul brought up the rear, you walked beside him, silent for a bit. 
“Paul... have you been in that car this whole time?” You did the math, it was five or six cars up if the old maps in Gilliams place were correct. 
“Yea, it wasnt a bad gig” The man shrugged his shoulder. “Lonely, but I still got to see people a few times a day. They came to collect the bars, hand me the red letters.” 
Your brows come together, the ones Curtis depended on. “Red letters, the ones giving us clues on how to break out?” 
“Oh I dont know what they said, I was just told to place them in random bars and make sure they went out to the tail end.” Paul just stated as if it was common knowledge.
Fucking hell, this whole time it was a set up. The thought occurred to you, the weight of it was so heavy in your chest, you held back a sob. All those hours Curtis planned around the information sent. All of it just a set up. Why? 
“How was Curtis when he went through?” Was he okay? How long ago was this? Must have been a couple days ago at least. 
“He was fine Y/N, shocked to see me, and and pissed about the red letters, but hey, I do what Im told. Okay, this should be the one.” He broke away from you, and climbed up to the door, ducking inside. You glance over your shoulder, and your old car is barely in view, and you could see a few men standing near it, but unable to really tell if it the armed guards. Hopefully they are unable to get there shit together and try anything. Luckily you and the kids had a good amount of weapons collected before you bolted to the outside. 
Paul called from inside “Y’all can come on in.” Sara limped up next to you, pressing a red rag to her shoulder, looking up. “I’m gonna need help this time” You nod and lope an arm around her waist, feeling her weight lean into you. “I got you this time Sara, were in this together.” The woman flashed you a grateful smile, and together you two wait for the crowd to disperse inside. Once it was just the two of you, you climb up first and reach back, taking her good arm, and as quickly as you were able, you help her up into the doorway, and together you two enter. 
It was dim, but nothing like the tail end darkness, so your sight adjusts quickly, already people are huddling together, passing along protein bars, and mostly its quiet except for the occasional hushed whispers. The person wailing endlessly had since stopped in one of the many cars you all passed. Exhaustion and Shock kept you from searching them out. You should, guilt eats at you. But you turn away from the door for now, checking over the people instead. So far all the kids, including a few from the other cars all seemed fine. You knew Sara was bad off, and you found a few others with lacerations, bad bruises and concussions, and at least two who had a shoulder thrown out of joint. But the reports of those that couldn’t be helped was outstanding. 
The one thing you were relieved to find was that no one seemed to be fighting. It was a mix of all sorts of factions, there were at least ten cars that dropped, and it ranged from you tail enders, a few from the prison section from what you could tell by there clothing, and a few “lower class” carts that were still much better off then you all were. But now everyone simply were together, there was no breaking of class. Hopefully it would just stay that way. All in all, there were about 30 of you crammed in as tight as possible to stay warm. 
You moved back to the entrance and set on the edge, with the gun you had brought with you, keeping an eye on the landscape. Watching for any others to follow there trail, friend or foe. You roll up the collar of your coat you were wearing. It wasnt keeping you very warm, but better then nothing. Your eyes half closed hours later, and nodding off.
It was so damn cold... 
I know it is baby, you should close your eyes. 
Liar, thats just my mind playing tricks. 
All you could hear was his agreeing laughter, yea you couldnt sleep.
“Miss?” A warm hand came to your face, the back of it touching your wind burned ruddy cheeks, making you gasp in surprise and jump slightly. 
“Wh-at? Oh sorry... I must have nodded off.” 
The man smiled, settling down in the doorway across from you, his jacket was slightly heavier, but still clouds of breath escaped him to glide into the night. “Its okay, you should let me take over for a while? I know we dont know each other, but its not on just you to watch. I can help any more that might arrive inside.” 
You eye him, and he had warm eyes from what you can tell, god you wish you knew if you could trust him. “Im not just looking for more survivors. Our tail end was being held under guard. When we left, it was escaping them as well. Not many survived, but enough.” 
“Yes, we saw the guards come through after the revolution passed through.” Another sign of Curtis, further up from Pauls car. You couldn’t help but smile hearing about him, fuck you missed him terribly. You hid your smile in your coat, finally it passed and you turned back to the man. “He is a stubborn man when he wants something. And he wanted us out of the tail end.” 
“That he does, we had no cause to stand in there way, he passed us peacefully. Some of out people actually joined his cause. Its not as bad as your car, but we are tired of the imprisonment as well. My name is John by the way.” He held his hand out, and you unfolded yours from your sleeve, shaking his and gave your name as well. You werent going to give up your post, and he relaxed on the opposite side, apparently not willing to leave. You two were quiet for a time, when piercing through the night was the worst sound youve heard in a while. It kareened from the top of the cliff, a scream that echoed around the valley you were all stuck in. 
It made you jump up, leaning out of the doorway to look up. And John did the same, cussing softly “Fuck what was that?” You shook your head. 
“Nothing good.... “
 During the time You were settling the survivors in the car, Curtis paused panting, it had long since grown dark out, following the light of the stars above them, it made the snow glow silver, stretching out in front of them. The train didn’t seem this long when he was fighting his way through the cars. Of course then it was adrenaline fueling him on. This time it was exhaustion. “Timmy, lets take a break buddy.” The boy on his back tightened his arms around Curtis neck, not wanting to let go, muttering sleepily in against his neck. “Okay... just swing around man.” Curtis coached him, and soon he had the boy slid around to his chest, stepping over to stand next to Yona, who was already curled up against the side of the train to get out of the wind. She needed more clothes, better clothes, fuck. 
“Yona, take Timmy... “ Curtis pried the boys arms from around his neck, and she sleepily reached up to take the kid, drawing him into her. Curtis shrugged out of his jacket and draped it over them. Looking into the dark car they were huddling against, maybe there was some blankets in there. He heard rustling inside, but nothing more. Grabbing an outside bar, he pulled himself into the entrance to look inside He couldn’t make out anyone in the shadows, but that meant nothing. “I’m coming in, I don’t want any trouble.” 
Hearing nothing more, he slid inside, it didnt look like he was going to have much luck. Nothing but bodies scattered around, and axes, the smell of blood, dried blood prominent. Shit, this was the car from the bridge. Thats when he saw that the tied prisoners he had left behind were killed to, deep ax cuts to there neck, squatting near one, he studied the man, drawing his own conclusions. They must have finished off the rest after he left. Breathing in deeply and rubbing a hand against his face. They had the right to after all the torture they had endured over the years, but part of him was still disappointed in the death. So much fucken death. 
At least it was quicker then starving and shit, he thought. 
Its still wrong Curtis, they were unarmed at this point. 
Yea I know, but can you blame them. We were unarmed and starving in the tail end and they never gave a shit. 
A touch of your hand and sigh, you just were so damn tired in his mind. 
“Curtis?” a voice from the other end mentioned, and he pushed to a stand, brows furrowed at the noise, he swore he heard his name. “Hello?” 
“Curtis! back here!” It was louder, more urgent. He recognized that voice, Tam from the back, she had come up behind them once the fighting was done, helping the injured. Curtis made his way over the scattered bodies and debris scattered around, and what did he find, fuck he found a small group of his people, helping one another up, and others laying out side by side, ones that had injuries, preventing them from moving to much. Tam moved to grasp Curtis pulling him into an affectionate hug “Damn are we glad to see you! We lost most everyone Curtis, were all thats left. They came back through and pinned us down, claimed 74 percent of us were to be killed.” The tears streamed down her face freely, as she released him and pulled back. “they were about to march us back when the train, I’m guessing went off the track? It caught them unaware enough we were able to fight back. There wasn’t many.... but we just didn’t know what to do, what was ahead, if you, Tonya, Nam... the rest were still alive?” 
Curtis shook his head, swallowing down the sorrow. “No, they didn’t make it. Its just me, Yona, and I was able to get Timmy back. Not Andy, I never saw him.” 
Tams head hung for the loss of there friends, and Curtis turned his attention back to the door. “I got to go get Yona and Timmy, now that I know its you all, we we will stay here. Tomorrow those that can, we are going to see about whats left of the tail end. I was told they went over a cliff... but I have to know.” 
Tam nodded, as well as a few others that came to join in the conversation, Curtis questioned. “No ones seen Y/N, have they?” Maybe you didn’t listen, he could hope.
“No, she stayed in the back with the kids.... just like you told her she had to.” They had all seen you drag her back into Gilliams quarters just before it all started. Curtis sighed to himself, not his finest moment thinking back on it. It tore him to think now how you two left things. How you might not be.... 
STOP IT! You cant think that way. 
I shouldn’t have done that babygirl, left you in anger. 
No WE shouldn’t, we will fix this, go get the kids now. 
Turning away from the group, he made his way back, and looking out the door, he saw his two charges still under his jacket, hiding away. “Timmy, Yona, lets get inside, its safe.” Yona first poked her head out from there little hideaway, and pushed Timmy into a stand, the two of them making there way to the entrance. Reaching down, Curtis grasped Timmys arm and hauled him up the side, pulling him in “Go all the way to the back, Tam and them are up there.” The boy nodded and started to head towards the back, Curtis leaned down and took a wrapped Yoda by the arm, and she was slightly heavier, grunting with the effort and pain lacing his ribs as she scrambled best she could up the side, landing with a oof when she fell in. “Sorry Yona” He apologized while she brushed herself off and made to take off his coat to return it. “ no you hang onto it for now. I will take it back tomorrow morning. Maybe they have something back there you can use before we head out.”
“But your gonna freeze Curtis” Her head tilted, studying him. He dismissed it with a shake of his head and together they headed back to the group. Tam was kneeling next to Timmy, cupping his face and studying some of the bruises on his face. The boy was starting to come out of the trance state Curtis first found him in, talking more. He had yet to ask about his mother, and Curtis figured right now it would be to much to have that discussion, Not yet anyways. If he wasn’t asking, Curtis was content to let it just stay silent till they were all in a better place. 
“Our wounded, how bad are they?” Curtis asked another as he headed over to see whom was over there, it wasn’t your, or the it was Our, they were a group again, looking out for one another best they could. There looked like five or six, some perfectly silent, another one was groaning in his sleep. Tam came over, her arms folded around her “Bad, I don’t know if they will all make it. What I wouldn’t give for Y/N to be here, at least we would have some direction in what to do” Curtis clenched his jaw hearing this. 
Fuck I wish you were here to baby. He sighed inwardly, what he wouldn’t give to hear you tell him it would be okay. 
“The one i’m most worried about is Edgar, the wound is deep, and it took a while for the wound to clot. I mean hes conscious...” 
“Wait! Edgars alive?!” Curtis scanned over the covered people again, looking for anyone familiar. 
“Yea, hes that one up at the end, wait... you didn’t know Curtis?” Tam followed along behind and Curtis made his way over, and sure enough, Edgar was fast asleep, pale as hell, but damn it the kid was alive. “No, we left in such a hurry after the bridge...” He rushed his words to Tam, just in shock. Curtis collapsed to his knees next to him, relief just washing over him. “Fuck man its good to see you” He whispered, and beside him Edgar groaned and opened his eyes. 
“Yea man, its good to see you to.”
What happened hung in the air, but left unsaid for now, Curtis knew he had yet another apology to make, another mistake. Edgar went to sit up and Tam immediately put a stop to that. 
“You lay your ass back down Edgar. You lost to much blood to be moving around any, and that wound reopens, no telling if we can get it to stop.” With a roll of his eyes he fell back to lay still. Curtis looked questioning up at Tam.
“The knife missed the spine and vitals, but its deep enough to leave a gaping hole. It needs to be sewed up, or cauterized. But we just don’t have the materials.” Edgar raised enough to lean on his elbow. 
“Well someone should go looking for that shite, right?” Curtis was relieved to hear that accent of his once more, never thought he would hear it again. “I cant be laying up here the whole damn time.” 
It occurred to Curtis that maybe they could do one. “Yona... Yona, has my jacket. Nam gave me a smoke just before, theres some matches in the pocket.” Tam hurried over to where Yona was sleeping, searching in the pockets of his jacket. Rewarded when she pulled out the old half disintegrated book of matches, and miraculously they were still dry. Curtis started looking around for things to burn, searching the deads pockets for anything flammable. Finally having an plan in place, meant he could at least fix part of something. 
Having enough materials gathered, Curtis collected one of the Axes, cleaning off the dried blood caking the edge. He hoped the fire would burn off any other debris to keep from infecting Edgar. Tam worked on getting the fire hot, and Edgar laid on his stomach, watching the flames. Curtis eyes would glance up once in a while to catch his expression. Clouded, unsure if it was from pain, or remembering how Curtis how turned away when Masons men had the knife to his throat. Curtis couldn’t forget it, He shouldn’t have left him. 
“Edgar I---” 
“Stop man, were not doing this. Not now, not ever.” Edgar glared at him to shut him up, and Curtis closed his mouth, running the rag once more over the blades edge, there was a tiny spot, he swore he could see it although the axe gleamed spotless. 
Moments later, Tam blew lightly on the fire, and it went from hot reddish orange to white hot laces of blue. “I think this is as hot as were gonna get it Curtis, put the blade in.” She sat back, and rested her hands on her knee. “Edgar, your ready for this?”
“As ready as I’m gonna be” He winced a bit and settled in. Giving the axe time to heat, the trio remained silent, all till there was a slight smolder rising from the head pushed in the coals. “Bite on this” Tam informed, holding out a cloth. Reluctantly, cause damn this was gonna hurt like a bitch, Edgar wedged it in his mouth, nodding. 
Curtis moved to hes shoulders, his uninjured arm pressing on either side of his shoulder blades. Putting his weight behind it, he was sure Edgar would thrash, and it was vital to keep him as still as possible. He felt the man drawing in deep breaths and surprisingly he seemed relaxed under his hold, calm. Tam moved in close to Edgars side, lifting the handle of the ax and drawing it out of the fire. They had seconds to sear it shut, having the metal hot enough to scar him closed. Curtis gave a curt, ‘Im ready’ nod, and Tam laid the broad side of the axe right over the wound. 
It was a hiss at first, the scent of burning flesh rising almost immediately, and Edgar tensed rigidly, trying to push away and the noise. The noise was probably the hardest part to deal with. Not the smell, not feeling Edgar try to escape pain. It rose so sharply, that Edgar lost what he was biting on, and it just seemed magnified from where they were in the hollowed car. Curtis almost lost his hold on him, having to dig in his heel and lean fully into him. “Come on Edgar, its gonna be okay, were almost done” 
His words had no meaning, and finally after a bit, Edgar just collapsed under him, Tam yanked the axe away, and Curtis broke into a sob, dropping his forehead to lean against the passed out Edgars head. “Fuck, I’m so sorry... “ his voice dragged out. Edgar was like his brother, this on top of everything else just fuck was tearing him. After a few moments to calm himself down, Curtis leaned over to check that he was breathing fine. Thank fuck he passed out, Curtis could hear your worry edging your voice. The wound, make sure its sealed Curtis.... 
His hand slid down Edgars back, and deep redness had settled in, around the cut it was black, a few shallow boils forming, but all in all, the hole was shut. “I think we got it Tam” He said as released his hold on Edgar and Tam as careful as could be dragged the blanket up to where the wound was still red hot, not daring to put anything on it. 
“What do you wanna do next Curtis?” Tam moved over to sit next to him, drawing her legs up and staring into the fire that was loosing its drive to burn, having scored most of the material into ash at this point. Curtis nudged some of it with his boot, shifting the coals. Already he was falling into that leader roll, he could sense others were listening into there conversation, waiting to see what he would say. 
I wonder how they would feel if they knew I caused the train to derail. 
No different babes, now were not prisoners anymore, were actually free to make our own choices for our future. 
“Going to check on the end cars like my original plan was. There is probably survivors and we have to check on our people, if they survived, there might be some that need help with injuries. Then back towards the front, theres food up there, the cars up there are in better shape.”
“What about the front enders?” Tam questioned, and Curtis looked at her with a shrug.
“They either accept us, or we will push them out. Thats been the goal this whole time, and I’m not stopping now.” So matter of fact, Tam went silent, and together they waited till morning to come seeping in, a new day, a new way of life. 
You were watching the beginning of your first sunrise, and you couldn’t help the tears that yet again got caught in your lashes. There are different kinds, and in the past few days you shed them all. Grief, pain, fear... but these felt different, rewarding. There salty drops fell on your lips and a flick of the tongue collected them before you brushed them away. John stretched and with a pop of his arms over his head, he moved to a stand. “I’ve seen many of these over the years... “ You look up in surprise, then consider, well maybe his section had windows. “... But this is the best damn sunset i’ve seen.” 
“Its the first one I’ve seen in seventeen years” You remarked, blinking against the light bouncing off the ice and snow. “And I have to say its more beautiful then I remember it being.” 
I wish you could see this Handsome, a wistful tone in your thoughts. 
I am baby, almost the best thing I’ve ever seen.... almost. 
Love you to Curtis. 
While you were admiring the arrival of light, a flash out of the corner of your eye catches your attention, and you tilt your head to the side to see what it was. Mistake.... as you found out when a sharp whizz blew over your head and bounced off the metal with a loud ping and sparks flew, both you and John tumbling back with wide eyed gasps. “What the fuck!” he exclaimed and you scramble low to rest the weapon you stole from them the day before out the entrance of the car. 
“Remember how I told you we were being held under guard? Well... I might have stabbed one in the eye just before the train derailed. They want us back for other things as well.” 
“Do you even know how to use that Y/N?” John asked as he to ducked out of line of sight, staying further hidden then you. 
“No, but I can give an educated guess. How about you see if there is someone back there who does?” You use the scope to look, they were still a distance off, and with luck John would be back sooner with someone who knew how to use one of these thing. So far nothing more has been fired, since you no longer made yourself a target, but you tried to study them, count how many there were. So far give made up the line, but who knows, some might be on the other side of the train, holding back... You scanned away from the edge, across the landscape, but that didn’t hold anything worth noticing. Maybe, just maybe there were only five left. Five fully trained to use there weapons men. FUCK. 
“Hey, found someone!” John exclaimed and a petite woman slid up beside you, glancing over the edge. “These bastards wanna play fire with fire? Lets give them some back.” Well damn, you hand it over immediately as she made herself comfortable. “Johanna by the way, nice to meet you Y/N” she caught you by surprise knowing your name, and she smirked. “Hey I was a few car up from John, weve all heard of you tail enders and your revolution. About fucken time.” She peered into the scope and flipped off the safety. Seeming to take measure of where she was aiming, Johnana proved patient. John had long sense disappeared back among the group to gather more bullets, hopefully they had enough to keep this new threat back.
It was so sudden, her finger was resting on the trigger, and then a couple shots went off, she barely flinched at the moment, but you cringed with them both. A curse muttered from her lips as she pulled back “They are sticking pretty close to the train, hard to get a shot off at this side angle, but they are now at least aware were not defenseless.” 
Curtis shook his head at Yona, who stood defiant before him, her arms crossed over her chest and head tilted to the side. “Your not going, thats that. Stay here and help look after the others.” 
“That is foolish, I can help.” She pushed, trying her hardest to convince him. “My dad... he might be out there.” A softer tone making her look down, trying to also convince herself that maybe, just maybe he survived. Curtis squatted down closer to her level, his hands cupping her face to make her look at him. 
“Yona, I swear if hes alive, I will bring him back, okay? After everything he did for us, you have my word. I really need you here, Timmy trusts you more then these others, and Edgar needs to be taken cared of. Please, can you do this for me?” 
This seemed ot appease the young woman, who gave a nod relenting and once they both agreed to these terms, she went to Edgars side, kneeling beside him and touching his forehead. The man was still asleep, and Curtis hoped it wasnt a sign of any kind of fever, although Tam remained nearby constantly hovering. His back was still an angry red, but it wasn’t as intense feeling of heat rolling from the wound, so that was something. 
Gathering others to join him, they all worked there way out of the train. Mostly they had axes shared among them, there were a few discarded rifles from the earlier battle at the bridge, in which Curtis himself collected one, slinging it around to hang off his back. They went in a single file, the few of them that joined, and every car they came to, they checked for survivors. After the brutal cold night, they weren’t successful in find any stragglers. Before they even got to the cliffs edge, a noise was brought to them. Sounds like... gunshots. The whole group looked at one another and sped up, pushing through the snow as fast as they could break through it. Once they reached the cliff, they looked down to see what the hell was going on. 
The cars below were scattered around, some on there sides, some had still somehow remained upright, but it was a mess, there old car, the tail end was on its side, dented and half split at the seam. It must have hit the hardest the way it was bounced away from the others, sure its momentum had dragged the rest down with it.. From what Curtis could see, the survivors were pinned in one car, the one that seemed to still be upright, by the cliff face. Those outside of the car, Wilfords men, the ones Wilford issued the kill orders to. Shots were exchanged with from a group of men pressing along another car for coverage. But a scan of showed others coming up the backside. Shit... He was sure none of them had any idea there was more then what those that was shooting at them. 
Curtis swung the weapon he carried around, and took aim best he could. There was no telling at this distance and his general inexperience if he was close to any of the targets, the couple others that also had the same advantage took up sentry on each side of him. Picking a target, Curtis took a breath and steadied himself till his sight wasn’t shaking. A breath out, and he pulled that trigger. The resounding BOOM flooded the valley, snow spitting up feet from the man. He missed but the guy stumbled back and raced around the corner of the car. Curtis other companions also fired at around the same time. And one aimed just so, the guard falling back with a burst of red scattering across the snow. Direct kill shot. 
Surprised at now being shot above, the rest scrambled away, heading away from the cliff face and using the demolished cars for cover, they soon were out of sight for the time being. Curtis swung the rifle in a sweeping motion, checking before going to the pinned car, and studying it for movement. 
Thats when he caught a glimpse. It was not even a second, and Curtis could only guess that it was actually You, but it was enough for his chest to tighten painfully, and all those other things just narrow into one single thought. 
YOU WERE ALIVE. 
@curtisbbq @what-is-your-plan-today @p8tn0lish @jeremyrennerfanxxxx123
@jtargaryen18 @thatweirdwalangpake @official-and-unstable-satan​
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pbandjesse · 3 years
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Ugh today. Thats how I feel right now. I am glad tomorrow is the start of spring break, even if Im working through most of it. I need a change of pace. 
I slept okay I guess. I calmed down after being so upset. And I didnt have as hard of a time falling asleep but staying asleep was harder. I did let myself sleep in until after 930. And didnt get out of bed until 945. So I had a lot less time. But I got up and dressed and while my hair looked filthy, I felt cute. 
I had a bagel and watched a video and was out the door with some art to show the kids. It was muggy out today. Not rainy like yesterday, but humid. 
Work was alright. Only a couple kids again. I got to work on some collages with stickers with one of the kids. And later in the day I showed them the art I make and they used those sticker collages to create their own drawings. I made one too and it was just a nice project. 
But before we did that I had my meeting with my manager. It went okay at first. When I had filled out my SWOT analysis thing I was really upset. It was last week when everything was bad. And she knew that, as I had warned her to take it with some salt. And she did. And a lot of things I had thought, like independent work time and schedules were confirmed. I got things clarified that I didnt know. And that helped make me feel more secure. 
But then at the end of the meeting she tells me that she needs to talk about how I crossed some lines and boundaries yesterday and I was like. What?? Im like running through the whole day and I couldnt think of anything except the kids yelling? But apparently because Im an aid at this site, and not a lead teacher, I shouldnt be talking to parents? I shouldnt be checking in? I shouldnt be doing a bunch of things that have to do with the end of the day. 
And I was shocked. Because I have been at this site for a month. And I have been doing a bunch of these tasks every day. Because I had been told to. It was just shocking.  And I started crying. But I was embarrassed and I was like I know I am crying but this is not because of you I just cant stop. And she was taken aback and I think she tried to keep talking to make me understand but I was just like. How would I know I shouldnt be doing something I was told to do?? And it was just. Really shocking. 
One of the things that bugs me is this aid thing. I dont care about being an aid, its all good. But also I dont understand why I was the lead at the other two sites but not this one? And like. I wasnt in trouble. But the way it was phrased. Crossing a line. Going outside my boundaries. Made me feel like I had done something really bad and offensive and it really hurt my heart. Because I had been trying to do the things I had been told to do from the trainings I did right before I started at this site. Talking to and checking in with parents. Leading projects. Delegating as a team with the other teachers.
But it just felt like. I was being told I was both doing to much and not doing enough. And that was really hard. 
So I dont know what tomorrow will look like. And at the end of the meeting I was still very teary. I went to the upstairs bathroom that no one really uses and cried for a few more minutes. I tried to get my face to stop being so red. And headed back to class. 
It was a mostly quiet day though. We did another story telling game. We did my drawing project. And made little paper crowns. It was mostly a good afternoon. 
Before I left for work today I told James I hoped all the kids would leave by 4. But at 4 we went to the gym to play basketball. We were only in there for a few minutes when I realized that the other side of the gym had a family playing basketball with no masks on so I called upstairs to ask what to do. And she was like. You gotta get out of there. So even though the boys were upset, we went upstairs to the yoga studio and played catch. Me and the only girl did some ballet at the barre. It was nice. 
But then all of a sudden everyone was getting picked up!A And we only had one kid left. And since we have another staff at night I got to bounce. Awesome. 
I was home before 5. I put my stuff away, put a pizza in the oven, and played some animal crossing. I was supposed to have a meeting at 6 so I prepared myself for that. But then it got pushed back until 7. All good. James went for a walk and brought me french fries home. And I had a really nice meeting with Alexi about camp. 
Im going to be going out there for the first 3 days of next week for a spring break camp. I have a bunch of projects to come up with for programs. Im really excited. 
I still hope things are a little more normal after this summer and I can work closer with camp rather than any other job. But well just have to see. Im really excited to go out there for this little bit of time. 
James made cupcakes for me to take to work tomorrow. And while they were finishing that I went and took a bath. Helped my back a little bit. And Ive just been hanging out on the couch for a bit. 
Now Im going to brush my teeth and try to sleep. I got my schedule at work changed so I dont have to go in til 1 tomorrow, and noon on T/W/T, so Im pleased about that. 
I hope you have a great night everyone. Sleep well. Wash your hands. 
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nico-idc · 3 years
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random vent because i'm numb rn and feel like it
This is a vent post, ill probably talk about su!cide, self h*rm, eating disorders and depression. I’ll also cuss a lot, and things will not be censored. Also, this may seem insensitive to people experiencing any of this, sorry about that.  Dont read this if youre triggered by that.
Also, this is my experience with mental health. Everyone deals with it differently. 
So, If anyone doesnt know, I have depression and anxiety. And right now, I’m feeling numb as it’s often described by people with depression. But, numb isn’t a very good description. I can still feel. I’ll still smile if you tell me a joke, or if something funny is on a video. I’ll still cry if there’s something super sad. Emotion is just watered down. I feel it, but not as much as I should. Me and my boyfriend were talking, and i couldnt tell him I loved him. It’s not becuase I dont love him, but I just cant feel much of anything, so I dont want to tell him I loved him. Becuase If i did that, I felt as though I was lying. The funniest thing is, I randomly started crying. Still felt nothing, but hey, I had tears streaming down my face. Who fucking knows why. 
I havent been doing to great for a while now, but this is the worst i’ve ever gotten. Ive never felt numb before. I mean, I’ve felt myself starting to go through the motions, but i’ve never gone completely numb before. And before this i’ve had a few mental breakdowns. Hell, I’ve sat in a corner twice in the past month or so doing nothing but sobbing and begging myself not to move so I dont grab something sharp and cut myself. (I did not relapse, don’t worry). and recently I completely broke down over simply eating a cereal bar, got through it, ate it. I’m good now. 
Figures. That does seem to be my experience. Oh no, big bad issue one time, then magically I just talk myself out of my bullshit, and im fixed. Ha ha, yet I act like I have all these issues. I mean, I didnt even attempt to starve myself, just thought “oh, friends and family wont let me” and didnt. Had a breakdown about a year later, been fine since. Cut for a few months, went to therapy for a few months, stopped cutting. had a few breakdowns about a year or two later, then was fine. was suicidal for a while, went to therapy for a bit, was happy for months. Had breakdowns every now and then, fine now.
ha ha, first time I say alot of this is online. Figures. I’ve done that a lot too. My boyfriend has found out a bit about my depression through this site. Becuase I cant talk to my boyfriend about my shit, but hey random people on the internet! hear about my problems.
So on another note, I recently found a song that describes part of depression pretty well. It’s called “i’m not dead” by boyinaband. it’s linked below, I’ll copy paste the lyrics, and explain how I relate, and what the lyrics mean to me, becuase why not? (lyrics will be in bold)
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I'm not dead
I'm not fixed, but I'm not giving up yet
Basically, this means that im still here, im still depressed, but I’m still trying to fight depression. 
I'm sick of saying that I still don't have anything done
I hate telling friends I'm trying something just to give it up
I never commit to anything, I just say I’ll do something, then decide I dont want to.
I'm still unsure of my emotional state
I'm still incapable of focusing lately
I don't feel like creating
I'm tired of asking Google how to find motivation
I’ve been on break from writing for months now. tried to get back to it, lost concentration. I think this is self explanatory. 
I don't think I've ever made
Something that's as good as I'm capable of
Ha, I dont put in enough effort and commitment to make something as good as possible.
I hate not having a reason to look my best
I only ever take care of myself with the intent to show the internet
I mean, I dont try to show the internet, but I only take care of myself when other people will see me.
If what made me successful was an imposed sense of stress then
I am so so glad that I hated myself
The only thing that makes me do things is extreme stress.
I didn't luck into this position
I struggle with decisions
I mean, im not in any high position, but I do struggle with decisions. 
I wouldn't be my own friend
I'm too inconsistent
I’m inconsistent as hell. I’m in like 10 group chats, don't talk in any of them for months, then just show up like “hi, havent talked to you all in ages, but hi”. 
Without immense pressure nothing ever gets finished
If these words make it to your ears it'll be a fucking miracle.
Yep. I went on  whole rant about this on wattpad. Without pressure to do something, I don’t do it.
I'm fortunate to know more good people than most do
I wish I had more friends I could be physically close to
I dont personally have a lot of friends that dont live in my city, so the last line isnt an issue, but I do know a lot of good people”
I'm pretty good at like 20 different skill sets
At the expense of never being great at any one of them
I’m good at quite a few things. Drawing, math, even writing. But im not great at it. I’m average.
I wish this beat hit harder
I wish more syllables rhymed
I know 99 percent of people really don't mind
I dont personally relate to this, seeing as I dont make music.
I think collaborating forced me to finish things
'Cause I was terrified of wasting famous people's time
Oh yeah. Group projects would not get done if i wasnt scared of wasting my partner’s time.
I wish I could focus on what I define priority
I wish I was as grateful as I want to be
Dont really relate to these things
I wish I knew more people who were mentally stable
But if I did,
I wouldn't let them waste their time on me while I'm disabled
Oh yeah. Id love to have a friend who isnt depressed, but I wouldnt let them see that im fucked up becuase i dont wanna drag them down.
I feel alone
I know I'm not
I have a lot of friends, but I still fell alone in this world
I used to talk to lots of people.
Lately I've stopped
They didn't deserve it,
I've been a terrible friend.
But I couldn't bear to let myself become boring to them
I ignore group chats all the time. no reason. Probably shouldnt. 
I don't let myself get my hopes up.
I love people who do.
Something good happens? what could go wrong? that is my thought precess.
I never know if what I say I feel is the truth
I have no damn Idea what I think, so its so hard to know what the truth in my head is.
I wish I didn't instinctively try to be less specific
So more people could relate, when they read along with the lyrics.
Not lyrics, but if i write/explain something, I immediately generalize things so its relateable.
I can be happy in the moment
I am not when I reflect
I smile watching youtube, but then I look back and think about how I wasted time.
I distract myself with gaming, waiting to get better
I hate it
Youtube will cure depression right? /s
I wanna do the most good, and prevent the most hurt
But I've gotta put on my own oxygen mask first
This is just an important phrase I try to remember when I’m down. for people who dont do well with metaphors, he’s saying that if you want to help people, you need to help yourself first. 
I can't predict what I'll do.
I can never be sure
I am terrified of making promises any more
I can't face my work,
I feel sick from the word
I genuinely believe I'm capable of changing the world
Don’t relate much here, except for the more positive, upbeat tone the song takes on, and i feel that this part, the part above and everything below is dave fighting his depression.
I still think I can get better
I’m holding onto hope.
I still think I can create and get pleasure from it
I hope so, I want my art and writing to improve.
I'll keep aiming to make my emotion and my logic agree
The eternal stuggle. I always try to get the two to line up, it rarely works. I try to use logic more often though.
And become the best version of me
Always trying to improve myself.
I don't want to stop!
I don't want to stop!
I don't want to stop!
I don't want to stop!
There’s alot this could mean. I dont want to stop creating. I dont want to stop fighting. I dont want to stop getting better. I dont want to stop living. I relate to all these things.
I’ll expand on this more later, it’s too late now for me to continue this
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