#well here i am recovering from surgery

[scorndotexe]

jokes that aren't funny unless you're in excruciating pain:

my favorite kind of painkiller, the one that doesn't work

#well here i am recovering from surgery #no longer in excruciating pain! #which is how i can tell that joke wasn't funny at all #ok getting dizzy now bye bye #persimmon's rambles

[jinmalos]

if youre wondering what ive been up to, ive been drawing malos but its too terrible to post in full

#i got sent a screenshot from captain laserhawk of mr david menkin's new role and. well. coked up newsanchor. sure #iykyk but. im decidedly a fan of mr menkin's other roles i just like malos best #malos (xbc2) #xenoblade chronicles 2 #idk if inposted about it here but i got top surgery n am still recovering so i elly shouldnt be drawing en #but its gonna be my bday soon so im treating mysslf to sm xenoballs :>

[absoluteabsolem]

she had the softest fur i've ever touched in my life, she had a beautifully round little head, she always looked angry but she was so loving, she was smaller than most cats, she followed me to every room, she slept under the covers with me during winter, and on what became her very own pillow right next to my head in warmer times. she loved fish, especially salmon and tuna, and she drank a lot of water, preferably from my glass. she loved catnip and valerian. she talked so so much whenever someone was home, and even when we were alone, she always had things to say, and i was always happy to listen. she was so beautiful. she took her meds every day without too much trouble except when she really wasn't in the mood, but in the end she always took them. she was on her best behaviour at the vet except the last few times, and i hope i'll always keep the scars she left me. she smelled so nice, she loved to sleep in the sun. she survived with full recovery the first two times her life was in danger like the absolute superstar she was. she was the heart of my home and my life and the best part of me and nothing makes sense without her. i miss her so much i don't even feel like a person. i'm as empty as my home. she yelled at me whenever i took a shower until i slid the door open because she wanted to drink the water. she pissed on my bed a lot in her last few weeks but it was okay. tiring but okay. it wasn't her fault. i loved her so much and she fought so hard and i know she left in the best possible way but i'm haunted by things i have no power over and things that never even happened. what if i hadn't been home. what if she had died all alone and terrified and in pain. but she didn't. she was warm and cared for and she didn't feel a thing. everyone involved did their very best and there was nothing i could have done better and i hope she knew. i hope she knew what she meant to me. i hope i showed her enough. i hope she was happy. i wish we'd had more time

#god i wish we'd had more time #i don't have words to say how fucking devastated i am #i miss her so much i can't do this without her i just can't #i could never watch a film in peace because she wanted me to pay attention to her and so i did #i was worried whenever i wasn't home because what if something happened #i stayed home a lot during the past year because i was sick or recovering from surgery #we spent a lot of time together she never left my side #i love her and it hurts so much #i know there's nothing to do but wait but #i don't feel like i can do this. she was my whole world #and god i hope i took care of her well enough #i did everything i could and i still wish i could have done more because she deserved it #she was just a little cat #but it's all so empty without her #and i feel like i died with her and it just hasn't hit me yet #the sun rises and sets every day but it doesn't really matter anymore does it. i just wish she was here

[doctorbeth]

Rabbit -- one of your cherished stuffed companions

Rabbit belongs to one of you dear people, and she gave me permission to share his story with you.:-) He was in the hospital about a year ago.

She initially wrote:

I live in South Florida and I am a big fan of your hospital! I have a stuffed rabbit plush animal, I believe he may have once been a Bugs Bunny plush, but to me he has always been "Rabbit" and I cannot find any leads online as to his "origins". Rabbit has been with me since I was 6 months old-- he's almost 24 years old! He's been my constant companion, and I still sleep with him and love him to this day. As you might imagine, this has led to many surgeries... 

Lately, Rabbit has had very thin fabric fur, and you can see through to the stuffing (mostly on his tummy). He's also in need of some new stuffing, as his current has gotten pretty clumpy over the years. My mom and I have talked about possibly giving him a  complete fur transplant on his tummy as we have applied patches before, but we aren't experts and don't want to cause him harm! He gets holes in his fabric very easily as he has become very delicate from love over the years... We are almost afraid to touch him with anything other than a hug! 

Now there were many photos attached to this note, and just fyi, for diagnosis the more photos the better, but you all don't need quite so many close ups... here are three critical photos from his diagnosis:

You can really see in the last two photos how thin his fabric was getting.... but he has such a cute face, and it's mostly embroidered, and I thought they may want to keep that, so.... there were many (actually 7!) options for his care. Keep in mind, he's over 2 feet long, too. Here were the treatment options (a spa could be added to any):

1) Given his style of fabric, and his artistic belly patches, and the fact that he has embroidered facial features, we could line his body with new fabric.  This reinforces his body and limbs while keeping his current appearance.  He would get all new body stuffing as part of this treatment, as the stuffing would need to come out for lining and it can't go back in.  But, a small amount of original stuffing would be preserved in a heart in his chest.  With this treatment, he could still wear, but you would see lining before stuffing.  Also, for future repairs, the lining could take the pressure of stitches away from his skin.  I would also minimize the older scarring on his side. 

2) I can do everything in option 1, plus line his head. 

3) I can do everything in option 1, plus line his head and ears. 

4) Instead of lining, we could recover just his belly and lower sides of limbs. His original skin (and old patches) would remain underneath, reinforcing the new fabric.  I would get as close as possible to his current fabric color and texture.  Perfect fabric matches are rarely possible, but if that is the case, I will send photos of him with transplant options so you can choose what you like best. I would also minimize his scars. 

5) I can recover his entire torso and limbs (leaving his head and ears as is). I would also minimize his scars.

6) I can recover his belly and lower side of limbs around his patches (keeping his artistic appearance). I would also minimize his scars.

7) I can recover his belly around his patches and recover the rest of his body and limbs. I would also minimize his scars.

His person thought about it, discussed it with her family, and ultimately decided on option 5: recover his entire torso and limbs but leave his head and ears as is. They also added a spa for Rabbit, which would treat the lumpiness of his stuffing as well as clean him.

So Rabbit flew to the hospital and began treatment with his bubble bath:

He got restuffed before recovering, so here is his heart being made and installed with a bit of his original stuffing:

I started by recovering his gray areas, leaving the white of his pawpads and tail original. At this point, I sent chubbiness approval photos and let his person decide whether she still wanted to recover the white (which was in better shape than the gray):

His person wrote: "Wow, he looks amazing!! His chubbiness looks perfect, I can't wait to hold him! I would like to recover his white patches of fur"

So Rabbit got closed up, and the white got recovered, and then he was ready to fly home!

Approved, Rabbit flew home to Florida. When he arrived back cross country, his person wrote:

Rabbit is home!! Thank you so, so much!! He looks amazing, he's soooo soft and cuddly, I can't wait to spend many many more years with my darling angel rabbit! I cannot thank you enough Doctor, you're truly an angel!! I'm so blessed to have found you and your lovely hospital!! My mom and I can't stop gushing over how soft and cuddly Rabbit is, he's like brand new! I'll continue to treasure him for the rest of my life with your help!

#rabbit #stuffed rabbit #bugs bunny #stuffed animals #stuffed animal repair #stuffed animal cleaning #large stuffed animal #toy rabbit #toy rabbit repair #bunny #stuffed bunny #stuffed bunny repair

[gemstone-roses]

Please

Cooper Howard x fem reader

Summary: smut, pet names, praise kink, unprotected sex, choking , I know, I know, radiation poisoning? Hush, this is FICTION. Your on my blog and you’re surprised at this? No you’re not. minors be gone from here thankyou. 18+ only. It’s basically just smut. Mentions of a minor shoulder injury. No plot just smut. No spoilers.

Note: Not much background, I started this before I had surgery and wanted to get it posted, I watched most of this show whilst recovering from surgery and, off my t. I’m gonna preface this with it’s definitely not my best work, but when I feel bad I write, so please be kind as always 🥹Anyway. Enjoy. 🫡. Likes comments and reblogs much appreciated. I am not responsible for your media consumption.

I am in Spain without the s.

You’re not friends. You tolerate each other. That’s it. He pushes your buttons and you irritate him just by being in his presence. Anyone looking from the outside would think the two of you were sworn enemies, that’s not right though. He always comes back for you. He insisted on doing this bounty alone, you insisted on going with him.

Now your clutching your shoulder trying to pretend your not in pain and he is seething.

you lean against the rotted wood in the decaying structure you’ve holed up in for the night. It crumbles behind you and you huff.

“I told you to stay behind on this one” he thumbs the rim of his hat, sighing as he takes in the state of you.

“yeah well, I’m fine”. You whisper, not wanting to look at him.

“Y’ not fine! Look at ya” he steps in front of you, encasing you.

“I’m okay, it’s just a little bruise” you say defiantly, looking to meet his gaze.

“ya coulda’ died sweetheart” his voice cracks slightly as he speaks, scarred hands hovering over the thin material of your t shirt, he presses his hand gently into your shoulder, rubbing his thumb across the skin.

Your breath hitches at the contact.

“don’t feel dislocated” he mutters, his fingers still gently probing your shoulder.

“Mm, told you I was fine” you say. His head snaps to yours, his hand gripping your jaw, he tilts his head down slightly, snarling.

“You ain’t half got a mouth on you sweetheart” he tuts, thumb swiping over your cracked lips.

His eyes meet yours again and you can see the internal debate he’s having in his head.

“There’s plenty more I can do with my mouth” you whisper. And that’s it, that does it for him, he brings your face closer to his and kisses you. His other arm pulls you into him, his erection pressing against you making your core throb. He’s got an iron grip on your jaw but the kiss is gentle, slow, testing. You open your mouth, inviting him to go further, his hand around your waist traces the curve of your ass as he kisses you, you moan into his mouth and he grips onto you tighter.

“Please” you breathe , your body flooding with need at his teasing touches.

“What honey?” He smirks, breaking the kiss as his hand travels up your waist. he slips his hand under your shirt, caressing your bare side slowly.

“Touch me” you choke out, failing to keep the desperation from your voice.

“Oh, I am touching you honey” his voice tinged with amusement. He waits, keeps caressing your side, never venturing further, he keeps your gaze, watching as his every movement has you silently pleading for more. Your lips parted slightly, chest heaving. He smirks, he can play the long game if needed, he wants to see how long you’ll wait before begging.

“Just this lil touch is driving you crazy huh” he mutters, splaying his hand across your stomach, hovering just above where you needed him most. You grit your teeth, raising your brows, and he tilts his head, a lazy smile across his face.

“You need me to touch you here?” His fingers press delicately over your underwear.

You nod, and whimper.

“I can’t hear you” he drawls, tapping his fingers lightly over your core, over the wet patch that’s formed.

you lean into him, head resting on his shoulder. “Yes, fuck, please” you beg, and he your underwear to the side and presses a finger into you. He curls it instantly, making your legs buckle slightly. His free arm wraps around you tight, pulling you into him as he pushes his finger in and out of you.

“Mm, you’re very wet honey, this all for me?” he teases , pushing another finger into you, and your pussy throbs at his words. He smiles, speeding up his movements while whispering praise into your ear. Your pussy clenches around his fingers, your orgasm building.

“Shit- m gonna” - you pant, and he stops. You whine at the emptiness, frown at him before he brings his fingers to his mouth and sucks them clean.

“Mm” he groans. “As much as I’d love for you to come all over my fingers, I’d rather you came wrapped around my cock sweetheart”. You clench your legs together hoping for some relief.

“Lie down for me honey”. He instructs. You do, the wood beneath you creaks slightly, he takes off his jacket and tucks it behind your head. He hooks his fingers in the waist of your pants before pulling them down, slowly, he’s savouring this.

When he’s removed them he stands back, admires you.

“Well shit, your stunnin’” he sighs as he undoes his belt. You try and roll over to cover up, shy all of a sudden. “No no honey none of that” he tuts. Reaching for your neck he wraps his hand around it and squeezes slightly. He studies your face as your eyes blow wide, and he smirks. He removes his hand far too quickly for your liking though.

You watch, enthralled as he takes out his thick cock before kneeling in-between your legs. He taps the tip of his cock on your puffy clit a few times, making you jolt.

He chuckles. “Sorry honey, I like seeing ya writhe for me”. He leans in, steadying himself with one arm on the floor beside your head. The other wraps around his cock as he lines up with your hole. You tense as he begins pushing his cock into you.

“Deep breath sweetheart” he soothes, you relax slightly as you do and he buries his cock all the way inside you.

“Oh fuck” you choke, he’s not even moved yet and already pleasure is coursing through every inch of you.

He groans as he starts thrusting. His hand coming to cup your face, he runs a calloused thumb across your jaw as he watches your face contort with pleasure.

“That feel good sweetheart?” He pants, leaning in to nip at your ear. You respond with a moan, unable to form a proper word.

“Cooper” you whine, wrapping your arms around him, the rough of his skin adding to the pleasure he was making you feel. His cock twitches at the use of his name.

“Your squeezing my cock so damn good” he breathes, angling his hips so he hits deeper.

“mm fuck that - there- , don’t stop” you cry, the coil in your stomach building.

“Yeah? You gonna come honey?” He taunts, his mouth twitching, pleased.

“look at me” he growls, he holds your face as he stares into you, his eyes blown wide with lust as he thrusts his cock in and out of your dripping pussy.

“Keep, your eyes, on me” each word punctuated with a thrust of his hips. Your eyes roll back as tears prick the corner of your eyes, you cry out in pleasure as your orgasm starts to wash over you.

He leans into you again, his hot breath making you shiver as he whispers into your ear.

“Scream for me” he snarls, his hand snaking around your throat as he pushes into you harder, and squeezes the side of your throat just right as your pussy tightens around him, he chokes out a moan and spills inside you as you convulse around him.

You stay like that for what feels like hours. Him still inside you, his head lay on your chest as your fingers dance up and down his back comfortable silence broken every now and then of him whispering sweet words to you.

#cooper howard x reader #ghoul x reader #fallout x reader smut #cooper Howard x female reader #fallout imagine #the ghoul smut #walton goggins #fallout tv series imagine

[theveryworstthing]

I'm Alive

I posted this on patreon so I might as well post it again here. Hopefully current and past patrons see this as well as people who have just been generally curious about where I've been.

I'm very sorry for not being around and I'm very grateful to those who stuck around. To those who didn't, I get it and I truly appreciate you passing through. 

Last year and the beginning of this year have been pretty bad. Some of you might have heard about my grandma's death and sadly, she was just the first of the family losses in the time I've been gone. There was also a friend's death discovery, my parents' health tanking, my friends Going Through It, and my own physical/mental problems. I didn't want to talk to the internet about these things because they were/are very overwhelming and private and tbh I used all my energy to help with the household and make sure work got turned in on time. When I had spare time after dealing with the near constant disasters, I didn't really feel like interacting with the internet at all beyond using it as a way to talk to far away friends (mostly to give them the thumbs up that i was alive) or watch/read things when my brain was less scrambled. Social media was an absolute no go and I didn't have any non-work art to post so I just kind of mentally crawled under the porch to die lol. 

I only drew work related things for months due to extreme burnout and it took me almost a month off after my last job to remember how to create again. I couldn't draw or write, it was kinda like art block except it was more like nothing was there at all? It's hard to explain. 

Things are still happening but I need to get back in the saddle eventually so here I am. 

I'm going to post the little art I did in June and all the sketches I did in January when I re-learned how to draw for myself. Again, I'm so sorry for being away without saying anything and I'm grateful to whoever threw me a buck, or even just casually enjoyed my art. Leaving like I did was really irresponsible and there's no excuse for not at least making a post about all of this sooner.  Every month I got a patreon payment was another wave of guilt because I literally couldn't give y'all anything but at the same time that money was letting me book flights to funerals and keeping my mom comfortable while she recovered from surgery right after I spent a lot of my savings in 2022 trying to fight my late cat's cancer. And then not posting about what was going on made me more anxious as time went on because there was more guilt every month so I felt like I needed to come back with a bunch of art and energy and good reasons and it was just. A Mess. 

But anyway.

I'm alive, I'm back. The Horrors persist, but so do I.

Thank you for your patience.

#talkin

[lwwife]

Hi!!! Request for Leah (smut), something based on the first time Leah can use the strap properly again after her ACL and she goes to town on reader with it after not being able to do that for so long. They’re still completely switch tho, so some bottom!Leah too.

I've missed having you like this

Smut: Leah and Reader!Switch, strap on, fluff

Word count: 1,870

-

Leah’s pov:

Y/n and I’s sex life since doing my ACL has been uneventful, to say the least. Y/n has been able to go down on me, but I’ve still had to keep cautious of the way I move my legs. I haven’t been able to touch Y/n properly in a long time. We found a compromise for her to sit on my face, but it rarely happens. I’ve finally hit my 9-month mark since surgery and am back playing almost full games. I have an appointment later this afternoon with the surgeon which should be one of my last. Y/n is going to tag along as she has for all of them. She wants to make sure she knows how to look after me perfectly and I recover well.

-

“Okay Leah, your scans show an almost perfect recovery, you’ve done incredibly well in rehab and I’m going to clear you for a full 90 minutes.” I grin excitedly and Y/n squeezes my hand.

“Congratulations baby!” she turns to me, “I’m so proud of you.”, I look at her lovingly.

“Yes, you’ve done very well Leah you should be very proud of yourself.” The doctor smiles and nods.

“Excuse me, I just need to pop to the loo” Y/n stands up and kisses my head on the way out. Once the door closes, I turn back to the doctor nervously.

“Is something wrong Leah?”

“No sir it’s just I um I’m not really sure how to ask this” I look down.

“Leah I’ve heard some wild things in my years, please go ahead” He smiles softly.

“Okay well, I um I was just kind of wondering if um I would be able to you know” I raise my eyebrows and he laughs.

“Have sex?”

“Yeah, yes um that” He laughs again.

“Yes, you can, you’re practically cleared for any form of physical activity, except I wouldn’t recommend getting back to your gym time backflips just yet” he grins, and I have to laugh.

“Thank you, sir,”.

-

Y/n’s pov:

“Darling! Dinner’s nearly ready” I call out to Leah, who’s God knows where doing God knows what. I haven’t seen her since we came home from the doctor, she disappeared upstairs almost immediately. “Leah! babe! Come on I’m serving it up” I shout again.

“Coming bub!” she shouts from the stairs. I turn around to place the food on the table when Leah comes around the corner, hair freshly washed, skin looking clean, and I can smell her perfume from here.

“Nice scrub?” I laugh at her.

“Shush you” She comes over to me and kisses me on the cheek before sitting down. “This looks lovely baby thank you for cooking”.

“You mean like I do every night?” I raise a brow and Leah rolls her eyes and giggles.

“Mmmh” Leah almost moans, “This is delicious y/n” She runs her foot up my bare calf. I raise my eyebrows and almost choke on my wine. She just continues to eat, ignoring my hard stare.

As I’m washing up the dishes Leah comes up behind me wrapping her arms around my waist, slowly leaving kisses along my neck and up to my ear. “What’s gotten into you tonight?” I question her.

“Am I not allowed to touch my beautiful girlfriend?” She takes her hands off me and brings them to her chest, acting offended. I simply roll my eyes and giggle as she walks off to the couch.

I’m lying in Leah’s arms, in between her legs, back against her chest watching our current obsession, Game of Thrones, when Leah begins to run her hand up my thigh. I look up at her, but she continues to look forward, raising her hand higher and higher. “Leah” I whisper.

“What?” she smiles,

“What are you doing?”

“Nothing, what are you doing?”, I cock an eyebrow at her childish response. “Ugh! You can’t take a hint can you?” She whines.

“What are you talking about baby?” I frown.

“I want to fuck you, babe! We haven’t had sex in ages, I’ve been trying to tease you all night! I just had the longest shower of my life, shaving every possible inch of me!”

“Leah, darling, I know I want to too, but you’re still recovering I don’t want to ruin your rehab baby.” I frown at her again, stroking my thumb over her cheek.

“The Doctor said it’s fine” she mumbles.

“What?”

“The Doctor! He said it was fine to have sex” She looks down, “I asked him” She keeps her head low but looks up at me with a pout and a small smile.

“You naughty girl” I whisper.

-

“Oh yes fuck! “, Leah moans and cums loudly as I suck hard on her clit. “Come here” she orders me, and kisses me hard, tongue diving straight into my mouth. “I want to make you feel good” she groans. “Stay here, I’ll be right back”. I smile, excited. Leah returns a minute later with our favourite strap attached to her.

“Oh shit” I mumble as I feel myself instantly drip.

“Turn around” She orders me, and I turn to get an all fours, just how I know she likes it. She moves me so I'm resting on my forearms instead of my hands, and my face is down into the pillow. She smacks my ass hard and I wince but moan at the feeling. “God I can’t wait to fuck you like this” she growls, spreading me open by the cheeks, moving forward a little more. She smacks my ass again and runs the strap over my clit and down, so it’s completely coated in my wetness. “Do you want me to fuck you baby?” she leans down to my ear, her front against my back.

“Yes please, I want you so bad baby please fuck me”, Leah smacks my ass one more time before she slowly thrusts the strap inside me. I moan loudly, instantly feeling the pleasure I’ve so badly craved. “Fuck! Yes, keep going” I pant, my entire body tingling. Leah's thrusts start to speed up and become more forceful.

“Yeah? You like that baby?” She growls into my ear.

“Yes! Yes! Fuck yes! Oh, you fuck me so good” I moan. Leah moves back so she’s no longer against my back and grabs at my hips roughly. She begins to slam into me, harder and harder. I moan so loud I begin to feel sorry for our neighbours. I scream and scream and scream while Leah continues to groan and tell me what a good girl I’m being. After one last hard thrust, I cum all over the strap and begin to drip down my thighs. I wince and groan at the feeling of Leah removing the strap from me.

“Shhhh it’s okay baby, I know” She hushes and turns me over so I’m on my back. She kisses my head softly and lays down next to me. “You have no idea how much I’ve missed that; I’ve been dying to fuck you like that for months.”

“Yeah, well you better not ever stop,” I whisper. “Take it off” I look down at the strap. Leah looks at me confused, as if she was waiting to go another round on me. “I’ll let you go again later you addict, let me have a turn”, I move closer to her and begin to undo the harness. I strip her of the strap and put it on myself. Leah lays, patiently, a small smile visible on her face, waiting for me to climb on top of her. I sit up and rest my back against the headboard. “Come sit” I demand. Leah almost jumps at the chance. Moving over she places herself onto my stomach, subtly grinding, her wetness coating my abdomen. I move my hands to run over her breast, we aren’t quite at eye level so she’s looking down at me, however, we both know I have all the power at this moment. I squeeze her breasts and she throws her head back. I pinch her nipples then move forward to kiss her chest. Her hands immediately find their way to my hair, pushing me in further. I lick and suck all over her chest, biting and pulling softly at her nipples. Leah’s grinding starts to get quicker, so I stop.

“Ride it,” I say simply. Leah doesn’t hesitate to move back, hovering herself over the strap, which is still wet from me. “Now sit,” I tell her. Leah slowly sits onto the strap, her mouth instantly opening, angelic noises escaping. Once she fills herself with the whole thing I grab onto her hips and begin to guide her up and down. As she moves faster her moans get louder, and her breasts jump in front of me. “Fuck you’re so good, taking it all for me” I growl at her.

“God, you feel so good, baby. Fuck!” She screams out and her motions quicken. She grabs onto my shoulder, scratching into my skin, “I’m going to cum, oh fuck!” She continues to scream, louder and louder until she finally collapses. Her body is exhausted and almost limp so I turn us over so she’s lying down, and I can pull out. She whines at the loss of contact and pants heavily. I remove the strap and quickly go to the bathroom, wash it and put it away. I return to Leah awaiting me, smiling. “I forgot how good it is when you fuck me” she grins.

“I won’t ever let you forget again” I whisper as we lean in for a sweet kiss. Hands wondering, eager for another round.

-

A/n: Hope this was okay and everyone enjoyed it! Feedback is welcome in my comments, messages, or asks! 😊

#leah williamson x reader #leah williamson #leah williamson imagine #wlw #awfc #woso #woso community #woso fanfics #woso one shot #lionesses #leahwilliamsonsmut #wososmut

[tytarax]

How would BNHA guys react to you recovering.

You were in the hospital for a while after an accident you had on a mission. Had to write this since I came back from the hospital after a shitty surgery.

He would probably feel relieved and grateful that you recovered, considering you were injured on a mission. He might blame himself for not being able to protect you properly and would likely vow to work even harder to prevent such incidents in the future.

"Hey, _____. I'm really glad to see you up and about. I was really worried when I heard about what happened. Just remember, if you ever need anything, I'm here for you, okay?"

Bakugo might show a tough exterior but deep down he would also be relieved that you recovered. He might express it in his own gruff way, perhaps by making some snide remarks about how you shouldn't be so careless next time, but his concern would be evident.

"Don't think this means you can slack off now. We need you at your best out there. But... I'm glad you're okay, I guess. Don't make me worry like that again."

Todoroki would likely express a more subdued yet sincere relief. He might not be as outwardly emotional as some of the other characters, but he would certainly be glad to see you well again.

"I'm relieved to see you're recovering well. If you need anything during your rehabilitation, don't hesitate to ask. Take care of yourself, _____."

Iida would be very relieved and might even take it upon himself to lecture you about being more careful in the future. However, his concern for your well-being would be genuine, and he would likely offer any assistance you might need during your recovery.

"It's a relief to see you recovering, _____. Please remember to follow the doctor's orders and take your rehabilitation seriously. And if you need assistance with anything, feel free to let me know. I am here to support you."

Kirishima would likely express his relief with a big, friendly smile and maybe even a fist bump. He would offer his support and encouragement, perhaps even sharing some stories of his own experiences with overcoming tough situations.

"Hey, _____, I'm really relieved to see you're okay. I was seriously worried about you, you know? But seeing you here, looking as tough as ever, makes my day. If there's anything you need, whether it's someone to talk to or just a shoulder to lean on, I'm here for you. Take it easy, alright?"

Masterlist

Tag list info

#izuku midoriya #izuku x reader #deku #mha #mha x reader #bnha #bnha x reader #bakugou x reader #katsuki bakugo x reader #bakugou katsuki #shoto todoroki #shoto x reader #todoroki x reader #iida tenya #iida x reader #tenya iida x reader #kirishima x reader #kirishima eijirou #bnha eijiro kirishima #eijiro x reader #headcanons #mha headcanons #bnha headcanons

[youwouldntdownloadapizza]

The Pleasures of The Unknown | Kate Middleton x The Unknown (Glasgow Wonka Experience 2024)

masterlist | ao3 | follow @youwouldntdownloadapizza and turn on notifications for updates

When Kate Middleton mistakenly ends up at a magical chocolate factory in Glasgow, she finds herself drawn to a mysterious cloaked figure with a penchant for dark chocolate.

pairing: Kate Middleton x The Unknown (Glasgow Wonka 2024)

rating: 18+, minors DNI

word count: 1.2k

tags: crack, crack treated seriously, crack fic, smut, mild smut, finger sucking, chocolate, sex and chocolate, light BDSM, choking, thigh riding, rpf, bald harry styles, balddry, infidelity, glasgow, willy wonka experience - freeform, glasgow willy wonka - freeform, Balmoral, british royal family, unhinged innuendo

chapter warnings: smut, infidelity

Kate Middleton stared at her bangs in the Buckingham Palace bathroom mirror.

"I can't go out like this," she complained to William. "The Sun will rip me a new one!"

"Kate, my dear," he kissed her on the cheek, turning to lean against the counter. She continued tugging at her botched fringe until he took her hand. "It's just hair. It'll grow back."

"That's rich, coming from you."

William looked down at his royal bunny slippers with a frown. Even they had more hair than he did. Perhaps he should have them fashioned into a wig. He'd have to ask his frenemy, Harry Styles, for wigmaker recommendations.

"I don't know what to do." Kate looked up at her husband with tears in her eyes. He wiped them away with his royal hanky.

"I do," he smiled. Sliding his hand into his back pocket, he produced the royal AmEx.

"Take a holiday, Kate. Go to Balmoral or Hollyrood for a few weeks. Grow them out. Maybe even get that BBL you've been talking about getting. Scotland is a great place to recover from surgery. What with all the free healthcare and all, innit?" he said Britishly.

"You're so right, William. I'll leave first thing tomorrow."

---

Kate double-checked the address her husband had given her as she stepped out of her royal Uber Black.

"This can't be the right place. Balmoral was never this colorful!"

The cabbie rolled down his window. "Don't worry, ma'am, this is Willy's place! Be quick and get inside, it's looking like rain."

With a soft 'innit', the driver pulled away, and Kate was left on Willy's doorstep.

She assumed 'Willy' was short for her husband 'William', but as she entered the foyer, she began to have her doubts. The place appeared to be some sort of magical chocolate factory.

Although sparsely decorated, the place maintained some air of whimsy. Well, less of an air, more of a spritz, but clamato, clamato.

"Soo la voo," Kate shrugged, walking beneath the sparkly, styrofoam rainbow and towards whatever fate awaited her here.

"Ahh, more guests! Welcome!" A depressed-looking woman in a green wig approached her.

"Here, compliments of Willy," she said, sliding a plastic cup containing a splash of what appeared to be sparkling lemonade into Kate's left hand. Into her right went a single jelly bean.

"What is this?" Kate asked.

"Our welcome gift to you! And only $40, such a deal."

Kate supposed $40 was a fair price for such splendor. After all, if bananas were $10, this was surely worth four times that. She popped the jelly bean and washed it down with the lemonade.

"Carry on down the hallway. Your future awaits."

Kate left her luggage and her empty cup with the so-called Oompa Loompa and proceeded down the bare linoleum hallway. That uncanny-valley candy landscape tapestry really ties the place together, she mused.

A voice greeted her at the end of the hall.

"What. Is. That?" A blonde man in a red top hat and coattails pointed towards an unassuming mirror.

Why, that's me! Kate Middleton! Kate Middleton thought to herself.

Kate nearly leaped out of her skin when the creature emerged from behind the looking glass.

"It's...THE UNKNOWN!!"

That's when Kate fainted.

When she awoke, her head was spinning. "Where am I?" She asked to the blackness that surrounded her.

A deep voice answered her. "You're in the walls. This is my home. My own dark chocolate factory."

"Your what?" Kate asked.

As her eyes adjusted, she realized she was in a small bedroom combined with a confectionary workspace, almost a studio apartment of sorts.

"My dark chocolate factory. You see, Willy Wonka seeks only to pump this world full of river-churned, high-fructose, milky delicious bullshit. What I aim to create is something far more sophisticated. Far more complex. And far, far darker."

"Oh? Might I try some?"

"Why of course," the silver-masked, black-hooded creature pulled back its sleeve to reveal long, nimble fingers.

He crossed to his chocolate worktable and dipped his index and middle fingers into a whirring chocolate fountain. The creature stalked towards her, extending the sample.

Kate leaned towards him, but froze. "Before I suck on your fingers, I should probably know your name."

The creature angled his head, as if considering her. "I have no name. I am only...The Unknown."

Kate's heart raced in her chest. That chocolate, those fingers, it all looked simply divine. And if William could be unfaithful, why couldn't she do the same? She deserved it, just this once. As a treat.

She opened her mouth, and The Unknown slid his fingers past her lips. She sucked deeply, the flavor sliding across her tongue and down her throat, the complex flavor and intensity of the delivery method sending shivers down her spine.

"Are you cold?" He asked.

"A bit," Kate admitted.

"Well then," she could hear the smirk in his voice even if she couldn't see it on his face. "Perhaps I'll have to warm you up myself."

Kate bit her lip. "Would you...put your willy? In my chocolate factory?"

His fingers closed around her throat. She drew a sharp breath.

She could feel his breath as he whispered in her ear, "Forget willies. Forget chocolate factories. Allow yourself to submit, to embrace the pleasures of The Unknown."

Kate let out a shuddering breath as she gazed up at that shiny mask. She didn't know what lurked behind it. She didn't care.

She kissed him then, the plastic of his mask hard against her soft lips. And then she was sprawled on the bed, his knee between her legs, and she was grinding against him.

"Oh, The Unknown!" She moaned.

"Please, there's no need for formality. Call me The."

So Kate did. She sounded like the gilded first word of a sponge's term paper as she wailed his name over and over again, into the dark stillness of this secret room behind the walls.

"I'm close," Kate moaned.

"Good girl."

He leaned down to kiss at her neck. The rough edges of the cheap mask scratched at her sensitive skin, but she didn't care. She was lost in the pleasures of The Unknown.

It was the hair that brought her to the edge, something her husband could never give her. The chemical scent of his cheap, black wig filled her nostrils as she rode his thigh, dangling there on the precipice.

"Ohh!" Kate screamed as she came, her thighs shaking with pleasure as she clenched around nothing.

A low, satisfied chuckle rumbled at her throat, and she swooned. After all these years of marriage, William had never rocked her world like this masked stranger just had. As they lay there together, she slipped into the chocolatey darkness of slumber, utterly content.

---

When Kate returned home, butt bigger and bangs longer, William had wanted to hear about her experience in Scotland.

"What was your favorite part?" He asked.

"I learned a lot about myself on this trip," she told him. "But the most valuable lesson was in learning to embrace the pleasures of the unknown."

"See, a little uncertainty is good sometimes!" He teased, tugging on her much-improved bangs before giving her a soft kiss.

"Mm," he smacked his lips. "Tastes like chocolate."

#ao3 #fanfic #fanfiction #crack fic #glasgow #glasgow willy wonka experience #willy wonka #the unknown #glasgow willy wonka #ai wonka #balddry #kate middleton #kate middleton conspiracy #kate middleton missing #kate middleton bangs #kate middleton bbl #kate middleton x the unknown

[withahappyrefrain]

Summary: The pain medication given to Bob after a training accident has some interesting, albeit endearing, side effects.

As you weave your way through the people, desperate to make it to the front desk, the words kept playing over and over in your mind.

Training accident. Had to eject.

The strong possibility always hung over in your mind, taunting you whenever he went to work. That one day you would receive that dreaded phone call.

And while you didn't get that phone call today the fact you came close was unnerving.

Hurt pretty bad. Needed surgery.

Your throat felt thick, as though you were almost choking on air. It was a surprise you could audibly tell the nurse at the front desk your name.

"He's still in surgery, Mrs. Floyd. You can wait in the lobby and we'll alert you when he's done."

Nodding because of your fear that if you spoke, the tears would spill out, you sat down in the uncomfortable chair.

You tried to people watch, see if you could spot someone you knew, who Bob knew. Tell you what happened.

But did you really want those horrible details?

No. You wanted to know that your husband was okay. That he would recover. That he would be back in your arms, where he belonged.

You could call his mom and sister, let them know what was happening. It could be comforting to hear their voices.

But it would also remind you that your husband was hurt and you didn't know if he was okay.

So instead, your fingers fiddled with his wedding ring that hung on the silver chain around your neck. He always gave it to you when he had missions.

That way you had a piece of him if anything happened.

"Mrs. Floyd?" You looked up to see a nurse standing near you.

"Your husband is all done with his surgery, he's-"

"Is he okay? How did his surgery go? Can I go see him?" The nurse took a step back at your numerous questions.

"His surgery went well. He's currently hopped on a lot of medication to reduce the pain, so he may be out of it. Once the doctor is done, you can go see him."

The next ten minutes were somehow even worse. Knowing Bob was so close, but not able to see him was absolute torture.

You practically ran when the nurse said he was ready for visitors.

The sight of Bob, eyes closed as he laid in the hospital bed, bandages covering his arms, hooked up to an IV bag was heartbreaking. Despite his tall, broad frame, he looked so small in that bed.

Maybe you should sit by the bed and wait for him to wake up. What even are the standard protocols when your husband has to eject from his plane and gets injured in the process?

Your feet had a mind of their own, bringing you to the bed. Then your hands had their own idea, reaching up to card your fingers through his ruffled dark blonde locks.

His shifted towards your touch, those beautiful blue eyes still closed.

"Hey love," you whispered before pressing your lips to his forehead. Seeing the rise of his chest with each breath brought you comfort; he was here, he came back to you, just like he promised.

A confused, drowsy hum left his lips as his eyes slowly opened.

"Robby?" You should take a step break. Should give him space.

But how could you, when those eyes deeper than the ocean looked up at you?

"Robby!" You all but threw yourself at him, burying your head into his neck, the comforting scent of sage filling your nostrils, "I'm so glad you're safe, I was beside myself when they called."

"I-huh?" His voice was drowsy and full of confusion. Makes sense, considering when he was last conscious, he was in a fighter jet, thousands of feet up in the air.

"Doctors say if you keep up your current trajectory, you'll be able to go home tomorrow. Gives me time to get your favorite meal ready."

"Beef Goulash?" Bob mumbled, his eyebrows knitted in confusion.

"Of course! Your mom's recipe." You pressed your lips against one of his red cheeks before capturing his lips with yours. You couldn't help it. Your husband had survived, he was right there. How could you not kiss him?

"Am I in heaven?"

You couldn't help but laugh at Bob's question, shaking your head as you kissed him again.

"No Robby, you're at the Miramar Hospital."

Bob pulled away, confusion written all over his face, "But....you're an angel?"

You shook your head again, but without laughing this time, "Robby. You okay?"

"I.....I was in the air and Phoenix, she kept telling me to eject and I think I did? Then I woke up and you're....you're here and wow. You're stunning."

Your stomach fluttered at his compliment, "Of course I'm here," you grabbed the hand that wasn't hooked up to an IV bag, "What kind of wife would I be if I wasn't?"

Bob's nearly widened, "Wife? Did you say wife?"

Oh boy.

"Yes, I'm your wife. We got the rings and everything." You held up your hand, showing the gold wedding band, which matched the one Bob wore.

"We're married?" His eyes were as wide as saucers, hope and confusion dancing along those oceanic irises.

"We are. Have been for five years now."

"Five years?!" Bob put his hand over his heart, as if he were afraid of it jumping out of his chest, "Wow. I bet those five years have been wonderful."

"They have! And I will tell you all about them, after I get the nurse!"

You began moving to get up when a large hand grabbed yours.

"Wait!" You stopped to look at Bob, "Are you.....are you sure you're my wife? Not that I'm complaining it's just you're so beautiful and lovely and I....I'm....just Bob."

So the pain medication could make him temporarily forget you, but not his insecurities? Go figure.

"No, you are not just Bob. You are the smartest, sweetest, kindest, most amazing man I have ever met. You're a wonderful husband and father, and every day I'm thankful I get to wake up next to you."

A small albeit sweet lopsided smile appeared on Bob's face, before his eyes widened once again, "Wait....did you did you say father?"

You couldn't help but giggle, "Yes. You are the father to three cats, two dogs, a rabbit, and three amazing kids."

"I am? With you?" His body was practically buzzing with excitement. His eyes were shining so brightly as he looked at you in pure amazement.

"You are. In fact, we were working on our fourth kid before all this," You smiled slyly as your fingers reached over his forearms.

"We-oh. Oh. We were-we did-um, I'm just wow I'm just going to lie down, oh look there's a bed."

The nurses rushed in upon hearing the heart rate monitor increase.

One even asked, "What did you do?!"

"Told him he was married with children."

************************************

The next day, the nurses alerted you that after the pain medication had worn off, Bob did remember you as his wife.

According to them, he wouldn't stop talking about you.

"My wife! There she is!" You smiled at hearing Bob's cheerful voice, knowing he was there, safe and sound.

"Hey hot stuff, you ready to go home? Mack has been asking when you'll show the Wizard of Oz," you paused, "You know Mack? Our daughter?"

Bob chuckles while shaking his head, "Yes. I remember all my children, as well as my amazing wife."

"Good, though I was looking forward to you recreating our first date. Was hoping you would kiss me this time."

Bob pulled you into his lap, his hands cupping your face, "Guess I'll just have to kiss you for the rest of my life to make up for it."

His lips pressed against yours briefly before moving to your cheeks, then your forehead, then to your nose.

"I think I can deal with that," you giggled as he continued to pepper your face with light kisses.

"Me too darlin. Me too."

#my writing #Bob Floyd #bob floyd x y/n #bob floyd x you #bob floyd x reader #robert bob floyd fic #robert bob floyd x you #robert bob floyd fluff #bob floyd fluff

[sevcasejay1chicago]

Don’t tell Jay -Jay Halstead

Summary: When you are still in pain when you should be fully recovered from surgery, you try to sneak to Med to not bother Jay. Will is not having it.

Mentions: Natalie Manning, Will Halstead, and Maggie Lockwood

Warnings: Mentions of anxiety and medical talk. Nothing really.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When you woke up still in pain after tossing and turning in Jay’s arms all night, you knew you needed to go to Med. You pretended to be asleep when Jay left an hour ago, knowing he would stay home and insist on accompanying you to see Natalie. You had surgery two weeks ago today, and you FINALLY just convinced Jay to go back to work three days ago. He had been by your side for a little over a week and a half, pampering you and making sure you were healing up nicely. You loved him and appreciated him, but you could tell he was ready to climb the walls. He was a man of action and, though he loved taking care of his wife, he needed to be with his unit and in the action.

Hopping into your car, badge in your backpack even though you hadn’t been cleared for duty yet, you made your way to Med. You knew Will was most likely on shift this morning, so you prayed he wouldn’t see you. He would call Jay as soon as you were put in a room.

Walking into Med, you bypassed Leah, smiling at the receptionist and waving like nothing was wrong, and made your way toward Maggie. The charge nurse looked up as her ED doors slid open, immediately coming around the desk at the sight of you.

“Hey Y/N. Here to see your brother in law?” Maggie asked, smiling and pulling you in for a quick hug.

You mustered up the biggest smile you could and shook your head. “Actually, I need Nat.” You barely got the sentence out before Maggie was pulling you into a room.

“Sit down. You look flushed.” Maggie said, placing you on a gurney and pulling out her phone. She pressed a few buttons before placing it to her ear, balancing it with her shoulder. “Nat. I need you in treatment 4. Now.” Maggie said, waiting for a second before hanging up and taking your temp as she went. “100.” She muttered, placing the pulse ox on your finger and blood pressure cuff on, pushing the button to start it as Nat and Will walked in.

You groaned, making immediate eye contact with your brother in law. “Ah Hell.” You muttered, causing Maggie to chuckle. “Don’t call Jay.” Was your immediate reaction to his presence.

Will rolled his eyes, staying in the doorway as Nat approached you. “You know he will kill us both when he finds out.” Will replied, looking cocky cause he knows you know he’s right. “You never know when he will walk through those doors either.” He pointed out.

You nodded, throwing your head back in defeat. “Fine.” You caved, crossing your arms and looking to Nat.

“What’s goin on?” Natalie asked, coming to your side and rubbing your arm.

“I’ve got some pelvic pain. And lower back pain. It doesn’t feel normal so here I am.” You explained, gesturing around the room.

“Heart rate and BP are high. Temp of 100 and oxygen is at 95.” Maggie rattled off, looking at Natalie first and then Will.

“I’ll be back. Hang in there kiddo.” Will said, patting your leg and taking out his phone. He was gonna call Jay.

Natalie nodded and started pulling off her stethoscope. “Let me take a listen and then I wanna look at your incision site and take a feel. That okay?” Natalie asked, already adjusting her ear pieces.

You nodded and laid back, trying to relax. After taking a listen and feeling your abdomen, Natalie stepped back and grabbed the Ipad Will left for her at the foot of your bed. She typed a couple things as Maggie started an IV on you.

“I’m gonna get some blood work on you and a CT. I’ll be back in a bit. Maggie, hang fluids and give her something for the pain and a mild sedative. Jay can take her home later if all turns out well, but I think the high BP might be a stress response.” Natalie rattled off, before giving my leg a squeeze and leaving Maggie to work.

“Jay is gonna have a cow.” I muttered to Maggie as the charge nurse started to put an IV in my arm.

“Moo.” Jay deadpanned, walking in with a serious face but playful look in his eyes.

“That was fast.” I muttered as Maggie laughed at his response.

“Hailey and I were already here to check on a Vic. I was upstairs.” Jay replied, coming to sit next to you as he took your hand. “Why didn’t you call me or tell me before I left? I know you didn’t sleep well.” Jay said, nodding a thanks to Maggie as she finished up and left the room.

“I didn’t want to bother you.” I muttered, looking down and picking at the blanket Maggie had put over me at some point.

Jay sighed, figuring this would be your answer. “Hey. Look at me.” Jay waited until you looked at him, tears in your eyes as guilt flooded your system. “Listen to me. You are my wife. My first priority. You matter more than this job or anything else. You hear me? You are NEVER bothering me.” Jay said, reaching up to wipe your tears.

You nodded, biting your bottom lip. Jay reached up, gently pulling your lip down with a thumb on your chin. “Just hate this.” You sighed, wiping at your eyes. “I wanna go back to work and put this behind me.” You were beginning to get sleepy. You knew the meds were starting to take effect.

Jay sighed too, standing up and telling you to bunch over. You did as he asked, allowing him to crawl onto the gurney with you and take you into his arms. “I know baby girl. I know.” Jay muttered, leaning up to kiss your head. “But you gotta let me take care of you. The more you relax and let me take the reigns, the faster you will heal up and be back in the bullpen with the rest of us.” Jay reassured, rubbing his hands up and down your arms.

“Nat gave me a sedative.” You muttered, leaning your head into Jay’s chest. You were already exhausted when you came in. These meds were gonna knock you out.

Jay nodded without needing an explanation and pulled you closer, being careful of the wires. He placed a hand in your hair as he pressed the bar to recline the bed back a little bit from his position. It wasn’t much, but it was enough to recline you a little more and make you more comfortable. “Alright. Well, you just let it work. Relax, okay? I’ll be right here.” Jay said, pulling the pony tail holder out of your hair and massaging your scalp.

You hummed in response, allowing your eyes to slip closed. You knew he was disappointed that you didn’t call, but he wasn’t going to press the issue now. You were in enough pain to come in and need a sedative for what he figured was anxiety, so he wasn’t going to add any more stress into your life. He would have time to talk to you later when you were feeling better. Your heart was in the right place, but you needed to let him take care of you. After all, he made a vow and he did not intend on breaking it.

#one chicago #jay halstead #one chicago x reader #fluff #jay halstead x reader #comfort #detective jay halstead #jay halstead imagine #jay halstead fluff

[wheresarizona]

Learning to Live Part 24

summary: It’s just a regular Friday, until someone from Javier’s past comes to your work to reveal secrets he’s kept from you—it’s a lot to hear about the terrible things your boyfriend allegedly did in Colombia. 

rating: E (18+! Age gap (about ten years), Soft Javier Peña, Switch Javier Peña (He goes from very subby to very dommy), explicit smut, unprotected p in v (wrap it up!), creampie, oral sex (f and m receiving), deepthroating, a dash of mutual masturbation, light bondage (the tie is used again but on Javier), vaginal fingering, breeding kink, teasing, safe word usage, body worship (f and m receiving), dirty talk, praise kink (there’s a good boy), spit mention, begging, (1) spank, anal mention, angst with a happy ending, arguing, miscommunication, confessions, PTSD, nightmare (nothing graphic), emotional hurt/comfort, unhealthy coping mechanisms, Javier breaking down, some medical talk (nothing graphic), talks of the future, Javier quoting Gomez Addams)  

pairing: Javier Peña/f!reader (reader is a nurse with no physical descriptions)

word count: 19.1k (Buckle up, everyone)

a/n: Thank you so much for all of the love and support for this story, it means the world to me! I am very proud of myself for getting this done in less than two weeks. I might take a tiny break before the next chapter just so I don’t burn myself out. Big thanks to @juletheghoul for betaing!

Thank you for reading! Comments and reblogs feed me. I’d love to know what you thought!

Prev - Next - Series Masterlist - Masterlist

Friday, November 6th, 11:23 AM

Laredo’s hospital wasn’t even half the size of the one you worked at as a nurse in Dallas, which meant not all of the specialties they had doctors for had separate wings. This translated to your post-operation department getting the majority of the patients from the various surgeries done. Someone had a double-bypass performed on their heart? You were the one taking care of them. Hip replacement? They’d be under your supervision. An appendectomy? Another of yours. Basically, as long as they weren’t a child or having a child, they were coming to your unit to recuperate. 

Compared to your last job as an emergency room nurse, this one was a breeze. The people you cared for were usually so hopped up on pain medication they either slept, watched television, or zoned out. The hospital wasn’t too busy, so you got to work regular hours with weekends off, compared to the multiple twelve-hour shifts you worked before, plus overtime. As an added bonus, the nurse who shared the shift with you had become your best friend. 

Honestly, you were thrilled you moved to this small border town. 

Well, except for all of the gossip. 

After the first time Javier had shown up at your work to take you to lunch, you’d been the talk of the hospital as the woman he was dating, and you didn’t care. Still, it gave you unwanted flashbacks to the messy end of your last relationship years ago when you caught your ex, a cardiothoracic surgeon, banging another nurse in his office and having to deal with everyone whispering about it, learning they all knew it’d been going on for months—you’d sworn off dating anyone in your workplace after that, much to your parents chagrin. 

At least here, it was people mostly shocked that your future husband was actually dating someone, making them curious about why you were so special. 

It’d been months now since your relationship began, and the fascination had dulled down a little. Unfortunately, though, Javier would always be a hot topic of discussion amongst the townspeople, whether it be about him leaving Lorraine at the altar, helping take down Pablo Escobar, eliminating the Cali Cartel, dating you, or his work with the Sheriff’s office—he was basically a local celebrity, and he hated it, which was completely understandable.

It was almost lunchtime, and a new patient had been brought to your wing as he recovered from a minor heart surgery. Reading his chart, he was seventy-two and had a history of cardiovascular issues, seeing one other major surgery had been performed a couple years prior. He was still sleeping while you set him up in his room, his wife having gone to the cafeteria for food. 

The sound of footsteps alerted you someone had entered the open door. 

“Knock, knock,” Robyn, your co-worker and best friend, greeted in her Texan accent. You’d already gotten your patient connected to his IV that was currently pumping saline through the line and were now clipping the heart monitor onto his finger, the steady beeping of his heartbeat suddenly filling the air. 

“What’s up?” you asked, glancing over your shoulder at her.

The other woman’s long, chestnut brown hair was up in a high ponytail, her lips painted in wine-red lipstick, and she looked nervous, which was odd.

“Are you almost done in here? You’ve got a visitor…” 

That had your eyebrows furrowing; not expecting to see anyone today. 

“That isn’t Javi…?” you clarified. 

He was the only one who came to see you at lunch. 

“No...” She shook her head. “This man ain’t from around here… He said his name was Bill?” 

That confused you even more; no one was coming to mind by that name. 

“Did he give you a last name?”

“I didn’t ask.” She winced. 

You snorted, shaking your head while turning your attention back to your patient as you double-checked your work to ensure everything was set up correctly. “I thought you learned your lesson about not asking men for their last names.” 

The busty brunette walked closer to stand at your side as she whispered, “First of all, Seb is hotter than hell, and I only cared about knowin’ the name he wanted me screamin’.” Sebastián was Javi’s cousin whom Robyn took home the previous Friday from the bar, having no idea he was a Peña until he’d come by your work Tuesday to take her to lunch, and you had way too much fun revealing his identity. “Second,” she continued, “I usually don’t bother gettin’ last names ‘cause they’re just one-night stands.” She shrugged. 

“He was at your place for literal days before you found out, which is crazy.” 

“With the things he was doin’ to me, it really wasn’t important,” she replied with a smirk.

“Mhmm, it didn’t matter, but now that you know, it fills you with insane amounts of joy that you found yourself a Peña.” 

She playfully slapped your arm. “Shut up. He is pretty great and stayin’ at mine for the weekend.” Her eyebrows wagged. 

“He’s been staying at yours for the last week…” 

“And how long has Javi been stayin’ at yours? That man came over on your third date and never left.” 

“Touché. Aren’t Peña boys the best?” 

“They really are.” Her voice went quiet, “Anyways, there’s somethin’ off about the man out there. He was askin’ if I knew where you were from and stuff about your family. Just odd things to ask a stranger, you know? So, I want you to talk to him in the hallway in case I need to call security and Javi, okay?” 

Her concern had your hackles rising, wondering who this person could be. 

“Yeah, of course.” 

After finishing what you were doing, the patient settled in and was being monitored, Robyn told you she would do her rounds to check up on her own patients and listen for any signs of trouble from you. 

Taking a deep breath, you readied yourself for whatever was about to happen, walking out of the room toward the end of the hall where the nurse’s station was. You noticed the man you’d never seen before leaning against the tall counter, looking your way with a smile. 

The top of his head was bald, his face featuring a long, raggedy salt and pepper beard, dressed in dark jeans and a charcoal grey button-up under a dark green denim jacket. 

“Hi,” you said as you approached, offering him your name, “—I heard you wanted to see me. How can I help you?”

He straightened, standing to his full height. “It’s more of how I can help you,” he replied, holding out his hand for you to shake. “I’m Bill Stechner, an old friend of Javier Peña’s.” 

“Okay…?” This guy was too old to have gone to college with him, and it was weird he used Javi’s full name if he was supposedly a ‘friend.’ Robyn was right. There was definitely something off about him, and add in you’ve never heard of him before; this all seemed a bit fishy. Quickly, you shook his hand. “What exactly are you helping me with…?” you asked. 

The smile on his face was almost predatory, and you didn’t like it one bit, unconsciously wiping your hand on your blue scrub pants. 

“We’ll get to that in a minute.” He waved away your question. “Javier and I used to work together, and since I’m in town on business, I was dying to meet the woman who managed to tie him down.”

So, he tracked you down? Found out where you worked and came here? That was a little much to go through in order to meet a former co-worker’s new significant other… This guy had warning bells going off in your head because something wasn’t right. 

“Okay…?” you replied, crossing your arms over your chest. “You met me.” 

“That I have, and I’m a little surprised.” 

“Why’s that?” Your eyebrow rose. 

“Well, based on the many, many women he had relations with in South America, I just wouldn’t expect you to be his type...” 

Your eyes narrowed. Who the fuck was this guy? He really hunted you down to imply you weren’t as pretty as the other women Javi’s been with—what an asshole. 

“Did you come here just to insult me? Because if that’s the case, you can fuck right off.” 

“No, it’s great he ‘fell,’” he said the word sarcastically, making your jaw clench, “for you, and it’s wonderful you’re looking past all of the prostitutes he used for sex and information.” 

It was weird this man felt the need to mention that, knowing a lot of your boyfriend’s informants had been sex workers he fucked, and it didn’t bother you—it had been a coping mechanism for the shit he was dealing with while down there, and he treated them well.

“Why are you bringing that up? Why are you even talking to me alone? You’re really not giving me a great first impression here, pal.”

He pressed a hand over his heart in faux concern. “I’m just looking out for your best interests and want to make sure you actually know the man you’re living with.” 

“Right, my best interests…” you replied, sounding doubtful and doing your best not to roll your eyes. “So, what is my boyfriend apparently hiding from me that you felt it necessary to bother me at work?” 

There was a tiny nervous fluttering in your belly over what this could be about, hoping it wasn’t anything serious, but having a feeling it was going to be about the one topic Javi avoided talking about: 

Colombia. 

“Javier and I go way back—I’ve known him for years, and we worked kind of closely while he was down in South America.” Your suspicion was correct, and you wouldn’t lie, you were curious about what he had to say. “I was wondering, did he tell you why he wasn’t there to catch Pablo Escobar?” 

All you knew was Javi fucked up badly and got sent home before they got the drug lord.

“Please, enlighten me.” 

“I get why he’d hide it from you in shame. I think if he ‘loved’ you, he would’ve told you all about what he’d done in Colombia and the crimes he committed working with Los Pepes.” 

That was a low blow, and what crimes?

“Los Pepes?” 

“Los Perseguidos por Pablo Escobar—The Persecuted by Pablo Escobar or Los Pepes were a paramilitary vigilante group created by opposing cartel members trying to kill Escobar, oh, five or six years ago. That boyfriend you share a bed with fed them classified information like locations of Escobar’s men and their family members, and boy, were they notorious for killing innocent civilians indiscriminately. They’d go after Pablo’s sicarios and kill anyone who had a connection to him or just happened to be there—wrong place, wrong time.” He shrugged the fucker. “Javier’s intel ended up starting a war between the Medellín cartel and Los Pepes, both sides murdering many innocent men, women, and children, and that’s why he was sent home before they caught Escobar. Did you ever hear about the bombing down there at a shopping center the week before school was about to start?” 

It took you a second to answer as you processed what he told you. “Vaguely,” you answered. 

“Killed a bunch of kids and their families while they were getting school supplies and clothes—we know it was Escobar who planted it, and it wouldn’t have happened if things hadn’t gotten so out of hand with the leaked information. If you don’t believe me,” he continued, “I brought this interview by one of the leaders of Los Pepes so you can read about it yourself.” That’s when you saw him holding a rolled-up newspaper in one of his hands, the header reading The Miami Herald. “It talks about Javier’s role in it all and how big it was—if he hadn’t given the intel, a lot of lives would’ve been saved.”

It was a lot to take in, hearing about what Javi had supposedly done, and it was harder to imagine him doing such things because he was a caring, kind, honorable, and good man—there was no way in your mind he would’ve condoned so many innocents dying, and with how odd this whole visit was, you were taking what Bill was saying with a grain of salt. There were probably some truths in there, but definitely not all because it made zero sense with the fact your boyfriend was twenty minutes away at his office, and not locked up in a prison cell. 

Fuck ‘looking out for your best interest,’ this man was trying to turn you against Javi by telling you these terrible things, making it clear he absolutely was not a friend of his—he did not come here with good intentions; it was crazy he even came here at all. What you were assuming with all of the effort he put into this was there was bad blood between the two men, and this was Bill’s way of getting back at him—what pissed him off so much he was keeping tabs on your boyfriend? If he found you and your place of employment, it looked like he was keeping tabs on you, too, which was a little scary. He said he worked with Javi, which made you think he was a part of an alphabet agency, maybe DEA? CIA? FBI? Whichever it was, he had the resources to be a fucking creep, and you hated what he was trying to do to your boyfriend, so you’d give him a taste of his own medicine and fuck with him a little.

“No,” you gasped in pretend shock, covering your mouth with your hands. “My Javi, really did these horrible things you’ve told me about?” 

Stechner tried to make his face look somber, but his gaze told you he was happy by your reaction. 

“Unfortunately, he did,” he replied, nodding his head. 

“He really did these horrible things that would’ve definitely landed him in prison had he actually done them?” 

Again, you knew there had to be some truth since he did get sent home. 

Bill frowned. “He got lucky...” 

Uncovering your mouth, you said, “Let me get this straight. Due to the classified intelligence Javi gave to this vigilante group, he started a war, and a lot of innocent people were murdered, but he ‘got lucky’ and avoided any and all jail time? Not only that, he was given a promotion to take down the Cali cartel… Something isn’t adding up here, Bob—”

“It’s Bill.” 

“You lost name privileges when you basically called me ugly, Dick. Now, as I was saying, something isn’t adding up here, Brad, and it’s the bullshit you’re trying to feed me since Javi already told me everything.” That was a lie, but this asshole didn’t need to know. “Was this how you were going to ‘help me’—” You made air quotes with your fingers. “Tell me some fucked up shit you thought I didn’t already know, and hope I’d what, break up with him? Were you just hoping to ruin his happiness? He hasn’t worked for the DEA in almost two years. Why are you so obsessed with him? Wait—” A look came over your face like you had a realization. “—are you in love with him?” you loudly whispered. “Are you trying to get me out of the picture so you can take him for yourself?” 

He looked disgusted. “What? No. That’s ridiculous.” 

“And you keeping up to date on Javi’s personal life and trying to sabotage his relationship, isn’t ridiculous? Ballsack, this is fucking insane!” You threw up your hands. “You’ve got a screw or two loose in your head. So—” You jabbed him in the chest with your finger as you glared. “Listen here, you greasy-haired fuck. I don’t know who the fuck you are or who you think you are, but you’re not going to scare me away with shit I’m all too aware of from his past. Now get the fuck out of here before I make you, and pray I don’t tell Javi about this ‘cause I don’t think he’d appreciate whatever this fucking game is you’re playing.” 

The plan was to call your boyfriend immediately to tell him everything.

Stechner scoffed, your arm falling as he set the newspaper onto the counter so he could slowly clap his hands. 

“Aren’t you a little firecracker,” he said, his arms crossing in front of him. “I see why Javier likes you. You’re smart, too—maybe too smart for your own good.” 

“That doesn’t sound threatening at all…” Your eyes rolled. 

“No, no, it’s not. You’re spunky and smart. Definitely too good for him. Does he know all of your secrets, too? Like the one you’ve kept from your family of how you failed the MCAT—” That was the Medical College Admissions Test. “—and couldn’t get into medical school, so you went into nursing instead? I’m sure your parents loved that.” You ground your teeth. “Do you hate not continuing the family legacy?” 

The answer was no because you didn’t give a single fuck about it and never had an interest in becoming a doctor—failing the test made you happy. It felt like a sign you were meant to do what you wanted and not what was expected of you. 

Glaring, you replied, “It’s honestly none of your fucking business. I’ve got work to do as a nurse, so if you’ll see your way out.” You started walking around the desk. 

“You may not have continued the legacy, but you’re still reaping the benefits of it. Just remember Javier likes using women—sex, information, money. You have something he wants, and once he’s gotten it, he’ll discard you just like the rest of them. I’ve known him for a long time, and he’s not a relationship kind of guy.” 

Anger was bubbling in your belly at the audacity of this fucker. 

There wasn’t a chance to respond when an alarm sounded from the computer on the desk monitoring patient vitals, seeing the one just brought in had gone into cardiac arrest. 

“Fuck,” you whispered, picking up the desk phone and quickly hitting the numbers to page the on-call doctor about the emergency before turning to get the crash cart against the wall behind you, rolling it down the hallway as quickly as possible. 

Robyn came out of a room. 

“We’ve got a Code Blue!” you told her as you passed. “Man the desk and get rid of that guy!” 

“On it!” She bolted in the opposite direction. 

This job was something you’d been doing for so long that you expected the unexpected and were intimately aware things could change in a split second. A calmness came over you in situations like this, focusing on remembering your training and doing everything in your power to save the person’s life. 

Time became a tricky thing because it felt like it stopped, yet it was also speeding by—you were doing chest compressions with gloved hands while trying to calm the frantic wife when the doctor finally arrived with another nurse, who escorted the crying woman out into the hall. 

Five minutes had passed since the alarm sounded, and it only felt like one. 

Assisting the doctor, you handed him items from the cart and did everything he said—the patient’s heart was beating, but he wasn’t completely stable. 

A glance at your watch told you twenty more minutes were gone that you hadn’t felt slip by. 

The call was made that a minor emergency procedure needed to be done with no time to get to an operating room. The doctor relied on local anesthesia while you and the other nurse helped.

When it was finished, forty-five minutes had disappeared in the blink of an eye, and the patient was finally on the mend. 

The doctor spoke to the wife in the hallway while you and your colleague cleaned the room, letting her in once you were done and wheeling the crash cart to the storage room to restock it—the cart itself was small enough that it was easy to maneuver down the hallways and into the tiny rooms, colored fire engine red with many different sized drawers full of supplies you’d need in an emergency. 

There was a sheen of sweat on your forehead, the adrenaline making your heart pound, and you couldn’t wait to drink some water when you returned to the desk, knowing your water bottle was there waiting for you. 

Your back was to the door while you stuffed gauze into a drawer, hearing it open and close and someone stepping inside. 

“So, my patient is okay,” you told Robyn. “A little impromptu surgery had to happen, and let me just say, I do not miss emergency medicine. I think I’ve been spoiled here with how chill things usually are.” Moving to a locked cabinet close by, you pressed a code on the keypad to resupply some medications in another cart drawer. “Today has been insane, though,” you said. Pausing, you remembered. “Oh god, I need to call Javi!” 

“I’m here,” he said, making you squeak in surprise as you spun around to find your boyfriend standing just inside the room. 

“Jesus, Javi, I thought you were Ro…” Your sentence trailed off as you took in his red-rimmed eyes and disheveled hair, his tie loosened around his neck with a clear look of upset on his face. “What happened, baby?” you asked. Quickly, you were closing the distance, cupping his jaw when you were within reach. “What’s going on, Javi? Is your dad okay?” 

It had you thinking the worst, with him appearing unexpectedly looking like this.

“My dad’s fine.” His lower lip was trembling. “I’m scared,” he whispered. 

“About what?” You pushed your fingers into his hair. “Tell me what’s wrong, baby.” 

“Stechner talked to you.” His eyes were tearing up. “He told you about Los Pepes before I had a chance to tell you the truth, and he gave you a copy of the interview. You must hate me now.” 

Your brows dipped together. “Babe, before I say anything else, you need to know I don’t hate you. Not even a little bit—I love you a lot.” 

A tear rolled down his cheek, his arms pulling you into him, crushing you against him in a hug, feeling his body shaking as he sobbed. “Oh, baby,” you soothed, rubbing your hands over the back of his grey suit jacket, hugging him back. “That creepy motherfucker came here trying to scare me, but I clocked his bullshit the moment he said I wasn’t your type. I didn’t really take much of what he said to heart because it was obvious he was trying to make you look bad, but I would like to go over things with you to know what was true. Everything’s okay, Javi, baby. I still love you—I’ll always love you.” 

His head came up with wet cheeks and reddened eyes. “The interview in the newspaper is bullshit,” he said. “Stechner’s with the CIA, and they were supplying Los Pepes with weapons and made her a deal to keep them out of it if she put everything on me. I gave them locations to a handful of Escobar’s men and fucking told them no civilians were to be harmed—I hated that shit.” 

It was a relief to hear the truth. 

Nodding your head, you replied, “This is why I called him out on his obvious lies. I knew you didn’t do all the stuff he said you did, and if you had, your ass would be in jail, and they definitely wouldn’t have made you the head bitch in charge to take down Cali.” 

He huffed out an amused breath. “Fuck,” he said, scrubbing a hand over his face. “I was so fucking scared I’d lost you.” 

“Absolutely not.” Your palms skimmed up his front to rest on his shoulders. “You definitely still have me.” 

Looking you in the eyes, he replied, “I’m gonna tell you everything today. Everything. I need you to know so this doesn’t happen to me again.” 

He held your hips.

“Only if that’s what you want.” 

“It is.” 

“Okay.” You smiled at him, using your thumbs to wipe away the wetness on his face. “It’s exciting that I get to leave work early for our first family emergency.” 

He was frowning. “You don’t have to leave early… I can wait for you at home…” 

“And spend hours stressing yourself out? Nope, not happening. The night nurse still owes me for covering those three days for her—she’ll come in if I ask. So, give me a little bit to finish here, and I’ll meet you at home. Can you drive, or do you want to wait for me?” Your fingers worked to fix his hair. 

“I can drive.”

“Then go to the apartment, take off these clothes—” You pulled on his jacket sleeves. “—get comfy on the couch and hang out until I get there. Can you do that, babe?”

Softly smiling, his eyes crinkling at the edges, he answered, “Yes, mi amor (my love).”

“Good. Now hurry and kiss me before Robyn comes in here to see if we’re fucking,” you said, puckering your lips.

He chuckled, his big hands gently cradling your face, like he was afraid you’d break, leaning in to kiss you tenderly. He melted into you, his body relaxing, his shoulders sagging—all of the tension in his body releasing, the relief evident that you were kissing him, that you still loved him, that he didn’t lose you. With your mouths fused, you imbued upon him your love, telling him with every caress of your lips that you were there, that everything was okay, that no one could ever get between you two. 

Things began to get more fervent, Javi losing himself in desperation when he deepened the kiss—his arms wrapped around you, turning you both so he could press your back into the hardened surface of the door, pushing his slack-covered thigh between your legs while his tongue plundered your mouth. 

This was something he needed—the intimacy, the closeness; he found comfort in your words, your touch, your body; knowing what you were doing soothed him and gave him peace. 

You had to wonder how long he’d been sick with worry. 

Had Stechner gone to his office right after seeing you? 

You suspected he had and probably knew Javi was in a meeting until noon, the creepy fucker.

Threading your fingers in his hair, Javi was kissing you passionately, his thigh pressing into your clothed pussy and gently moving it side to side—the friction against your clit had sparks igniting in your center, grinding yourself on him for more pressure while he pushed harder, it feeling so good.

A knock sounded behind you. “Y’all better not be doin’ what I think you’re doin’,” Robyn said, loud enough for you both to hear. 

Everything paused, and you detached your mouth from his, ignoring the pout on his kiss-swollen lips. “We’re not,” you answered her. “Things have stayed PG-13.” 

“Dirty Dancin’ is PG-13, and that shit is horny as hell.” 

You snorted. “We’ll be out in a minute.” 

“Is Javi okay?” 

Sliding your fingers into the hair above his ears, you pecked him on the tip of the nose, making him smile. “He’ll be okay.” 

“Good. I called Carla—” She was the nurse who owed you a favor. “—and she’s comin’ in to cover for you.”

“You’re a fucking lifesaver, Robyn,” you said. “Thank you.” 

“No problem. Just make sure to bring back the crash cart before you go.” 

“Will do.” Her retreating footsteps could be heard, and your attention focused on the man in front of you, his big chocolate-colored eyes on yours, seeing in his gaze that he didn’t want to leave without you. If you had to guess, he would be exceptionally clingy for the next couple of days, and that was okay. “Do you wanna keep me company while I finish restocking the cart?” you asked him. 

“Can I?” 

“Yeah, just don’t distract me.” 

“I won’t.”

That was hard to believe and made you smile.

“Uh-huh, okay, quick kiss, then I’m gonna finish my work.” 

Slotting your lips against his, you kissed him momentarily, a sad sound leaving him when you broke apart. 

Lightly pressing on his chest, you said, “May I please pass?” He had you caged in with your back to the door. 

“Oh, yeah,” he replied, taking a step away. 

Getting back to what you were doing, the task was easy enough—check each drawer and replenish what had been used. You moved about the room grabbing things, and Javi was your silent guardian who’d touch you when you were within reach—a hand to your lower back, your shoulder, a soft grab of your ass. When you were done, he was hot on your heels as you returned to the nurse’s station, putting the cart back where it belonged, and getting your water bottle from the desk, taking a few long, refreshing drinks. 

Robyn was in her seat, writing notes on a chart, Javi standing on the other side of the desk, patiently waiting. 

Her head turned toward you, waving you to her so you crouched down while she whispered quietly enough so your boyfriend wouldn’t hear, “Hey, what do you want me to do with that newspaper?”

“Did you read it?” you asked just as softly. 

“Yeah, I hope you don't mind. I didn’t know what it was.”

“It’s fine,” you reassured. “Be real with me. How bad was it?” 

“Bad. Like, if what she’s sayin’ is true, it’s really surprisin’ he’s not locked up.” 

“Yeah, not all of it is. That guy who brought it was a real piece of work. If he shows up again, call security immediately. He’s not welcome here.” 

“Will do, and the paper…?”

“Just throw it out. I don’t want to read it.” 

“I can do that. Now get goin’. I was real worried when poor Javi showed up lookin’ like an absolute wreck.”

“Yeah, I’ll explain later. Thank you!”

It was time to leave, your water bottle in one hand and Javi’s in your other. A quick stop had to be made at the locker room where you got your purse, your cell phone tucked inside, and showing the missed calls from Javi that made you frown. 

He was quiet, the kind of quiet where he was lost in his thoughts, letting his worries and fears consume him—something he hasn’t done in quite some time with how well therapy has been working for him. 

Stepping outside of the hospital, he paused, his eyes squinting in the sunlight as he looked over at you, scratching his mustache with his free hand. “Will you, uh, ride with me?” 

This was why you needed to leave work early—he wouldn’t want to be alone. He needed you with him. 

Smiling in reassurance, you replied, “Of course. We’ll come get my car tomorrow.”

A little smile appeared on his lips. “Thank you,” he said, ducking his head and leading you to where he parked.

His truck was taking up two spaces, cutting across them diagonally.

You were about to comment. 

“Don’t,” Javi said, unlocking the driver’s side door, it squealing as he pulled it open for you. “I know I parked like an asshole.”

Smiling, you patted his cheek as you moved to get in. “At least you’re aware.” 

He loudly sighed, following you into the cab, where you sat down in the middle of the bench seat beside him and buckled up, him following suit. Putting his aviator sunglasses on, his keys jingled as he fit one into the ignition, the truck roaring to life after a second, along with the whirring of the air conditioning. 

Shifting into reverse, his arm went behind you as he looked back to get out of the parking spaces, then he put it into drive, and you were on your way. 

Something on the passenger seat caught your attention, seeing a manilla folder. 

“Did you bring work home?” you asked. 

“What?” A look of confusion was on his face when his head turned toward you.

“The file.” 

The blinker clicked as he turned onto the street. 

“What file?” 

Picking it up, you showed him. “This file.” 

“Oh.” He squeezed the steering wheel so hard the leather loudly creaked while his attention returned to the road. “Stechner had that. It’s information on you.” 

Your stomach did a somersault, looking at the folder in your hand. “Did you read it?” you asked. 

“No, and I didn’t plan on reading it unless you wanted me to.” 

“That’s very sweet of you. Now let’s see how much of my privacy has been invaded,” you said, opening it. 

There was a small stack of papers inside, the first page showing your current driver’s license photo with all the details the DMV collected, such as your birthdate, height, weight, eye color, etc. It had your current address and the others you’ve lived at in the last ten years. 

This just looked like a fact sheet about you. 

“It’s crazy he had a dossier on me.” 

“I can believe it…” Javi mumbled. 

The next page featured your academic and employment history. 

“Javi?” 

“Yeah?” 

“I have a secret…” 

“Okay,” he replied, keeping his eyes on the road. 

“I want to tell you it…” 

He glanced over, softly saying, “Only if you want to.” 

“I do. You know how I told you I always wanted to be a nurse?” 

“Yeah?” His attention went back to driving. 

“Well, as you know, my parents kept my college money from me, and I had to work while also going to school, which was a big struggle—my sophomore year, I took the Medical College Admission Test to get into medical school so if I got in, my parents would pay for everything…” 

When he looked over, his eyes were rounded under his dark lenses. “Are you secretly a doctor?” he asked in a hushed voice. 

“What? No. I’m a nurse. I failed the test.” 

“Is that… okay?” He focused forward again. 

“Oh, yeah. My heart wasn’t in becoming a doctor, and yes, working and going to school was hard, but at least I’m doing what I wanted.” 

“You are.” He smiled. “And you’re damn good at it.” 

“Thank you! I helped save a man’s life today.” 

“You told me. I’m proud of you, mi amor (my love).” 

“Thanks. Okay, back to reading about my life.” 

The next page had your financial information, and you quickly closed the file, hugging it to your chest.  

Javi noticed, asking, “What’s wrong?” 

Turning your head to look at his beautiful profile, you asked, “Did he mention anything about me you didn’t know?” 

“Yeah, that you graduated top of your class which is really fucking impressive.” 

“I guess…” You hated acknowledging your achievements. “Did he say anything else…?” 

“No…? What are you worried he told me?” His eyebrows were pulled together when he chanced a look at you. 

Taking a deep breath, you thought over what to say. 

“I have another secret…” you finally said. 

There was a deep frown on his face. “With how you’re acting, I feel like I’m not going to like what it is…” 

“You know, I’m not entirely sure how you will react when you find out.” 

“Well, my head’s been fucked today, so my immediate thought is you’re already married or some shit.” 

“Who in the world would I be married to, Javi?” 

“I don’t know, maybe that David asshole who cheated on you.” 

“Daniel? Gross. I am not married… yet. The only person I’m marrying is you,” you said, knocking your shoulder against his. 

That made him smile. “Good. ‘Cause you’re the only person I’m marrying.” 

“There we go. It’s agreed.” 

“So, what’s this secret?” he asked, looking over quickly. 

“Oh, you don’t get to find out about it until we’re married, and my last name is Peña for legal reasons.” 

He was quiet for a second, and you could almost hear the wheels turning in his head, making you nervous.

“There was something he kept talking about that I didn’t understand,” Javi said, scratching at his chin. “It didn’t make any fucking sense to me, so I’m gonna ask you a question, and you can answer yes or no.” 

“What’s the question?” 

The truck was stopped at a light. 

“Are you secretly loaded?” 

Your heart stuttered. 

“Oh, he said something about money...” 

His eyes met yours. “He said a lot about money and how I was only dating you for it—yes or no, Cielito.” 

“Yes.” 

He nodded, his gaze returning to the road as the traffic light turned green, continuing your journey. “Are you gonna make me sign a prenup or whatever it’s called? Should I get a lawyer?” 

“My parents would be beside themselves if I didn’t, so no, I’m not.” 

His hand moved to your thigh, squeezing it. “Thank you for trusting me.” 

“I’d trust you with my life.” 

He smiled at you. “I’d trust you with my life. How much?” 

“Enough that our multiple children will get to go to their dream colleges and study whatever the fuck they want.” 

It was like you could see his brain break as he comprehended what you said, having to turn his head back toward the windshield. 

“Multiple?” he whispered, his throat working as he swallowed. 

Honestly, it was adorable that was what he got stuck on. 

You snorted. “I tell you I’ve got a good chunk of change, and you’re more excited over us having a bunch of kids.” 

His head whipped toward you. “A bunch of kids?” 

It made you giggle. “Babe, you are well aware we are having more than one. We’ll see how many I can pop out before my baby factory closes for business.” 

The smile he gave you was so big his dimple appeared. “I really fucking love you.” 

“I really fucking love you, too.” 

This was a good conversation to keep his mind off of the day's events, setting the file on the empty seat next to you and cuddling into his side, lacing your fingers with his over your thigh. He kissed the top of your head before his eyes were forward once more. 

“The house should have at least five bedrooms, maybe six,” he said. 

The previous night, he’d brought up the suggestion of building a house, and you loved it, especially getting to live so close to Chucho, the two of you talking at length about what you’d want it to have. 

“And yesterday it was four. At this rate, we’ll be at ten by tomorrow. How many babies do you want?”

“As many as you’re willing to have. I’d be happy with one or ten. It’s all up to you,” he answered truthfully. 

“My vagina hurts at the thought of pushing out ten babies. I think that’s too many.”

“Ten is too many, got it. At least three…?”

“I can agree to three, for sure, and we’ll just see how we’re feeling after that.”

“Three kids,” he breathed, a beaming smile on his face. “I’m gonna have at least three kids, a wife, a dog, a house—living the fucking dream. Fuck, this is exciting.” His hands tightened on the steering wheel. 

“You deserve it, baby,” you said, leaning to kiss the dimple in his cheek. “You’ve spent enough of your life suffering and atoning for your past. It’s time for you to get your happily ever after, and I’m gonna make all your dreams come true.”

His misting eyes met yours. “Thank you.”

“Nothing to thank me for. I just love you so fucking much and want you to be happy.”

“I love you, too, and you make me happy. You’re everything to me; my present, my future, it all belongs to you.” 

The rest of the ride was spent talking about nothing too important—asking how his meeting went that day, what he wanted to do over the weekend, what he’d like you to make him for lunch, keeping the conversation flowing all the way to him pulling into his spot at the apartment complex. 

It was important that he was comfortable for the discussion you were going to be having, so after you both got inside, doing your usual ritual upon first coming home—removing shoes, emptying pockets, etc., a trip was made to the kitchen where a quick lunch was put together of peanut butter and strawberry jelly sandwiches with chips as a side. The dirty dishes were left in the sink as you pulled him to the bedroom, where you both changed out of your work clothes and into something more casual; for you, it was an oversized t-shirt and some soft sleep shorts. Javi kept his boxer briefs on and wore a plain white t-shirt that stretched over his chest and shoulders.   

There was silence again as he grabbed your hand this time and led you to the living room. He sat down on the couch, his back resting against the cushion with his knees spread, watching as you didn’t sit next to him like he expected but instead crawled into his lap, straddling his thighs with your chests pressed together. His arms automatically wrapped around you, your fingers pushing into his hair, knowing without a doubt talking like this would bring him the most solace.

His eyes were on yours as you kissed him, and he hugged you closer while your mouths melded, wanting him to feel your love and devotion. Your foreheads touched when your lips parted, his nose nudging yours. 

“Do you want me to tell you what happened?” you softly asked. “I meant to call you, but one of my patients tried to die on me, which is why I didn’t answer my phone.”

“I, uh, thought…” 

“I was ignoring your calls because your brain was being an asshole and making you think the worst?” 

“Yeah… And when I called your work, Robyn was, uh, abrupt with me.” 

“Oh, I don’t think she did it on purpose. Code Blues are stressful.” 

“Yeah, I don’t think she did either. What did he say to you?” 

“I’m not entirely sure what his game plan was because he started off the conversation by rubbing it in my face that you’ve slept with a lot of women, and definitely implied that, I am not as attractive as them.” 

“That fucking prick,” he seethed. “You know you’re gorgeous.” 

“I know I’m gorgeous to you, and that’s all that matters. Like, you’re very aggressive in making sure I know you’re attracted to me.” 

His big hands grabbed your ass and squeezed while he kissed you. “Fucking beautiful,” he murmured against your lips. “Of course, I’m going to tell you.” 

Pulling back, you looked him in the eyes. “Yeah, he lost all my respect and name privileges after that.” 

His eyebrows creased. “Name privileges?” 

You snorted. “Yeah, I called him things that weren’t his name just to be petty.” 

He smiled. “I love you.” 

“I love you, too,” you replied and continued telling him about what Stechner had to say about Los Pepes and how you called him out on the lies by fucking with him. “—there was something that really bothered me, and it was the last thing he said about you liking to use women for sex, information, and money—which I know isn’t true. I just hated this guy's perception of you, which a lot of people seem to share. You’re not like that. Our first fight was literally about how you wanted us to contribute equally, and I’m pretty sure I initiate sex more than you.” 

He nodded his head. “Yeah, you do. I haven’t fucked anyone more or had someone want me so bad—it makes me feel really good about myself.” 

Smiling, you said, “You’re adorable. So, that was it. I didn’t read the newspaper.” 

“Good.”

You frowned. “Kinda sucks, I could’ve accidentally come across it without knowing the truth... That stings a bit.” 

He grimaced. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine. I’m not angry at you or anything, and I still love you with all my heart. This is gonna be a lot to take in. Are you nervous?” It was showing on his face.

His throat bobbed as he swallowed. 

“Yes,” he whispered. 

Your nails scratched lovingly at his scalp, your gazes locked. “Don’t be. Relax, and just talk to me. Tell me all the terrible shit, and know that I’m still going to love you anyway.” 

His mouth was turned down in a frown, seeing his eyes getting watery. “Promise?” he asked. 

Sitting up a little, you held your pinkie out before you. “I pinkie promise, and you know the sanctity of a pinkie promise.” 

He smiled a little, huffing out a breath while looping his pinkie around yours to seal the promise. You brought his hand up to kiss it. “There,” you said. “You’ve got nothing to worry about.” 

Javi sniffled. “Okay. Let me hold you.” Wrapping your arms around his torso, you pressed your front to his, tucking your chin on his shoulder while he hugged you close. 

He took a deep breath and slowly let it out. 

“Fuck, where to start. You probably wanna know more about Los Pepes.”

“I’m curious, yes.”

“Okay, well, that shit happened because a man died. His name was Horacio Carrillo…” He started by telling you who the man was: the first head of Search Bloc until it was disbanded because of how ruthless he was; he went to Spain for a while, then returned to head Search Bloc again, and was the only man Pablo Escobar ever feared.

“—he, uh, was really fucking determined to take down Escobar,” Javier said, “no matter what it took. He… Fuck, he even killed a kid…”

It was bad enough he’d gotten a former president’s daughter killed, but a child?

“What?”

“Yeah.” The emotion was heavy as he spoke. “The cartel used children as spotters, and one night, he rounded up some and shot one to set an example. He didn’t fucking care. It was too fucking much for me, baby. A kid. A fucking child. He just shot him in the head. A kid,” his voice cracked on the last word. 

“I’m so sorry that happened, and you had to see it,” you said, hugging him tighter. 

His hand moved to wipe his eyes. “I’m sorry it happened, too.”

“How did Carrillo die?”

“Me. I got him killed—I got him and his men killed.”

“What happened?”

“I fucked up…” An informant played him, she just didn’t know it at the time—she gave him what she thought was the location of Escobar, which turned out to be an ambush. Javier and Steve would’ve gone with Carrillo if it had been their choice, but bureaucracy ended up saving their lives, and now Javi lived not only with the guilt of getting the men killed but also surviving.

He was speaking roughly through his tears as he recounted everything. This was only a fraction of what he’d gone through, and it was all so awful. No wonder he was so messed up; he went through so much down there, and your heart was hurting for him. 

“—Los Pepes forced me to meet with them, and I couldn’t fucking believe they were asking me to help them—thought it was a fucking joke; the people I was trying to put away wanting my help? Of course, I turned them down. Then the guy who took over heading Search Bloc wanted to use really dated methods to try and get Escobar—shit like search grids, which wouldn’t fucking work. That informant who screwed me over? She led us to a man working for the cartel, and when we followed him, we found one of Pablo’s top sicarios. I tried to do things right. I called for backup, but they fucking denied me, and I couldn’t let this guy get away.” He inhaled deeply. “You have to understand. I spent years of my life trying to get Escobar, and this happened not too long after my mom died, so I was desperate. I was still grieving and hating all the time I lost with her, and I had to get the bastard, so it wasn’t all for nothing.” He spoke slightly softer, “I just wanted to catch him like mi mamá (my mom) always said I would.”

“You wanted to make her proud, even though she was always proud of you.” 

“Yeah… So, I felt like my hands were tied, and I made the call to Los Pepes. We got the guy, and I told them I’d give them intel, but I was only about killing Pablo Escobar, nothing else. I didn’t have to cut through any red tape with them, I called, and they went after the fuckers—it was easy. I gave them, I don’t know, five or six tips? Then shit got out of control between them and the cartel, and I was out. Killing sicarios is one thing, but innocent people? Fuck that. I didn’t sign up for that. I… I tried to save a lawyer who worked for Pablo.” He sniffled. “Knew where he was and kept it to myself ‘cause he had his kid with him—a teen son, and I wanted information from him. Another guy I worked with ratted them out to Los Pepes, and I found them both dead and stuffed in a trunk. I should’ve fucking made sure I wasn’t being followed.” 

His body shook as he cried. 

This man felt so much guilt over the deaths of these people, and he didn’t even pull the trigger. There was no way for him to know Carrillo would be so merciless and have it in him to kill a child. Javi had no reason to doubt the intel he’d been given by the informant was a trap. He’d done his best to protect the lawyer and his son but was betrayed. Other people did these dirty deeds, yet the man you loved felt responsible because he cared so damn much. 

Him caring was his downfall. 

Along with his desperation. 

It made him take significant risks, like working with his enemy.

“Oh, babe,” you whispered, turning your head to kiss his neck. “It wasn’t your fault.”

“Feels like my fault.” 

“It wasn’t.” 

“Fuck.” He sniffed, wiping his eyes again, having calmed down a little. “So, one of the leaders of Los Pepes wanted to turn on the rest and came to me for a deal. I got it approved, but fucking Stechner got her right out from under us and had me take the fall for Los Pepes and all the shit they did.” 

“A coup.” 

“A fucking coup.” 

“Are you okay?” 

“Yeah.”

“You wanna keep talking?” 

“Yes. I think I told you the sex workers I’d meet up with were also used by Escobar’s men, and I’d pay them for any information they’d give me?”

“Yeah.”

“The first time I met up with one, her name was Carina. I only wanted to hear what she heard, and that was it, and I told her upfront the reason I was paying for her time.” He sighed. “My mistake was doing it at the brothel because she told me what she knew, and then I couldn’t leave without seeming suspicious or looking like a really bad lay—both things I didn’t want. Well, we had time to kill, and she was beautiful and willing, and yeah…” 

“Ohhh nooo,” you deadpanned. “Sex with a beautiful consenting woman, the horror.”

He pinched your hip. “I couldn’t finish.” 

“Oh.” 

“Yeah, she may have been consenting and beautiful, but it turns me off if I can tell the person I’m with is faking, and she was faking. Nice girl, though, and I did pay for the sex, but I didn’t make that same mistake. For a while, I’d only pay the girls I saw for their intel, and as we got to know each other better, the sex came naturally, and I became a favorite.” 

“Of course you did.” 

There was a pause, hearing him audibly gulp. 

“Being a favorite almost got one of them killed,” he whispered.

“Oh, Javi,” you gasped. 

“Her name was Helena, and because I didn’t save her in time, worse things happened to her.” He was getting choked up. “It was all my fault.” His breath stuttered. “She was just trying to get me information and got caught, and they did horrible fucking shit to her. It haunts me how I… Fuck.” He took a deep breath. “It fucking haunts me how I found her—everything that happened to her was because of me.” He was crying again. 

You hugged him hard, kissing his jaw. “You still saved her life. She’s still alive, and that’s all that matters.” 

“I shouldn’t have had to save her life. I shouldn’t have made her feel like she needed to take such a big fucking risk,” his words were laced with anger at himself. “Because of me, that poor girl is traumatized and has to live with what those monsters did to her, and I fucking hate that they didn’t suffer as we killed them. They should’ve felt more pain than they caused her and had to beg for death—they got off too fucking easy, and I hate it.” 

Before now, based simply on how awful things were in Colombia, you thought there was a possibility your boyfriend may have killed someone in the line of duty. 

He had never brought it up and had always been somewhat vague about his work with the DEA. 

This confession? It had thrown you a little off-kilter at the reveal the man you were going to marry had killed multiple people, and not only that, but you were pretty fucking sure he had also dabbled in torture. 

“They definitely deserved to suffer, and it’s absolutely wild I’m saying this: I’m sorry you didn’t get a chance to torture them—I know you would’ve done a great job.” Maybe that was too supportive… “What happened to Helena?” 

It was silent for a second. 

“Javi?” 

He spoke slowly, “Did you just encourage me to torture people and say I’d do a great job?” 

“Javier, before this conversation, I never had confirmation you’ve killed someone, and now I do, and it’s apparently multiple someones, along with a side of torturing, which is a bit of a curveball. None of it freaks me out, per se. It’s just a lot to process, and based on what you said these horrible monsters did to Helena, slow and painful deaths sound warranted—I’m doing my best to comfort and support you while also absorbing all of the new lore about husband-to-be.”

“I’m sorry for throwing you a curveball...”

“If I’m being honest, I feel even safer with you and a little better about the gun you insist we keep in our bedroom.” That was the topic of your second fight when Javi sprung it on you two days after moving in that he’d gotten a small briefcase looking safe to keep his gun in under the bed—you previously worked in an emergency room in a big city; you knew what guns could do and weren’t a fan. 

“‘Cause now you’re aware I know how to use it?”

You didn’t even have to look at him to know his eyebrow was raised. Sitting up, you were met with the expression you expected. 

“Okay, first of all, you’re a Texan, and Texans have a weird fucking obsession with guns. Add in you’re also a cop, and it’s honestly surprising you only have one.”

“The others are at Pop’s.” Of course, they were. “I just brought over what I need to protect us.” Holding up his right palm to you, his fingers slightly spread, he said, “Feel my hand.” 

“Feel your hand…?” 

“Yes,” he replied, nodding toward it. “Feel it.” 

“Okay…” Not entirely sure what was going on, you did as he said, sliding the fingers of your left hand over the rough skin on his palm. 

“Feel the calluses?” 

There was the one you first touched and some on his fingers. 

“Yeah?” 

“How do you think I got them?” 

Meeting his eyes, you took a guess. “I’d had thought from working on the ranch doing manual labor.” 

“No, these are gun calluses from using my service weapon so much.” 

“Oh.” 

Grabbing your hand, he brought your knuckles to his lips as he kissed each one, the contrast of rough and soft, taking your breath away. 

“Yes, I’ve killed when I had to,” he murmured, keeping his gaze on yours. “I’ve done things to make people talk when I had to. I never particularly liked doing any of it, but I had a job to do.”

“I know you did.” 

He nodded once. “I want you to feel safe with me,” he said, kissing the center of your palm. “I want you to know I’ll do anything to protect you. Anything. You’re safe with me.” 

I’ll kill for you.

Was what he wasn’t saying out loud.

“I know I’m safe with you.” 

“Good. It took a lot of work, but I got Helena out of Colombia to the US. It was something I needed to do after all she’d been through.”

“Have you heard from her?” 

He huffed out a breath. “No. I don’t even know where she is. None of the girls I got out of there ever contacted me again, and why would they? We got what we wanted out of each other.” His lips turned down, frowning. “I’ve always worried about her and hope she was able to have a good life.” 

Pushing back his bangs, you told him, “I bet she met a lovely man who treats her right and takes care of her, and they got married and had a bunch of babies.” 

“That’d be nice. She deserves that.” He frowned. “I feel really fucking guilty about using the sex workers as informants and putting their lives in danger.” A loud sigh left him. “And sleeping with them. It was all fucked up.” 

“Yeah, it makes sense you’d feel guilty. Especially with what happened to Helena.”

“Yeah.” His eyes closed. “Jesus, there’s still so much more I need to tell you.” 

“Then lay it on me.” 

He looked at you with big pleading eyes and didn’t even need to ask; you cuddled back against him, hugging him while he held you. His body was relaxed, and when he started talking, he didn’t stop. 

It was a barrage of new information you had to process as quickly as possible while he got more and more upset by each thing he told you—a lot of people who were promised safety either: almost getting killed, being exploited, kidnapped, or murdered. 

What you came to realize was he felt intense guilt about things he did and didn’t do, and the stuff he was guilty of? Haunted him, tormented him, he was covered in invisible wounds that gaped and constantly bled, keeping his sins fresh on his mind—no matter how hard he tried to close them and forget, the stitches always seemed to break and ooze. No wonder he took to therapy like a duck to water; it was probably the first time he’d known peace since college. 

Then that fucker Stechner had to show up and undo all of the hard work Javi’s put into himself. 

For you, it was a lot to take in. None of it made you think any differently of him. Instead, it gave you a better understanding of what he’d gone through and why he felt so poorly of himself. Yes, he did some terrible things and paid the price for them, having been remorseful about them for all these years. 

In your mind, he was still a good man.

In your heart, you knew if he could go back in time, he’d do things differently. 

That was all that mattered. 

What really got to you was he’d been through hell—actual hell with all of the death and violence, Javier waking up every morning, never knowing if it’d be his last, and doing his best to survive. Living like that can turn you into a hard shell of a person, yet he managed to keep his softness. 

If you had to guess, it was probably because of his mother—she was his soft spot, even after she passed. He had pictures of her in his apartments in Colombia and her rosary, keeping her alive with him and his humanity. 

He was bawling in your arms about how he almost got General Hugo Martínez’s son killed by Los Pepes because he tipped them off and barely managed to get the young man out of the situation. 

“—I fucked up so bad. I was always fucking up, and people died because of me. I was so focused on the job I became a heartless, fucking monster,” he sobbed. 

“Hey, that’s not true,” you replied. “Yeah, you made mistakes, but like with Los Pepes, when things took a turn, you backed out and even tried to save a guy. You’re not a heartless monster. You’ve never been a heartless monster. You cared a lot about your job and getting it done, which caused you to do some really questionable things, but you still had a conscience—you weren’t murdering children in cold blood. You still cared about people. Javi, it’s not up to me to judge you for the stuff you did in the past, and I know how all of it eats at you, but you need to let it go.” His breaths had evened out, hearing him sniffling by your ear. “I love you, every part of you, even the imperfections, and I’m not going anywhere.”

He sounded stuffed up when he asked, “You’re not?” 

“Nope. You’re stuck with me for the rest of your life. You know, ‘til death do us part, and all that jazz, but I’m taking a page from your dad and following my soulmate into the afterlife. So, life and death, you’re never getting rid of me.” 

“I wouldn’t want to. It took me too fucking long to find you—I’m following you wherever you go.” 

“This is giving me Romeo and Juliet vibes.” 

“Your family does hate mine…” 

It wasn’t so much that your family hated his, they just thought they were better with their money and prestige and couldn’t fathom why you’d want to be with someone who couldn’t afford a life of luxury. 

Speaking of them, there’d been hardly any contact in the last couple of months because it finally got through to them that your relationship with Javi was serious, and he wasn’t going anywhere. The last call you had with your mother was a week or so ago, and she asked when you’d be making your annual trip to visit them in December; Begrudgingly, she even invited your boyfriend with the caveat he would have to stay in a guest room, which was beyond absurd. She didn’t take it well when you told her you wouldn’t be coming this year and that you’d mail her Christmas gift.

Moving, you sat up, sliding your hands up his t-shirt-covered chest, softly skating over the sides of his neck to his jaw, tenderly holding it as you leaned in to kiss him; something sweet, gentle. When you broke away, his eyes were closed, his lips turned up, and his cheeks shining in the light of the room. 

Using your thumbs, you started wiping at the wetness on his face. 

“But soft, what light through yonder window breaks?” you recited. “It is the east, and Javier is the sun.” 

Those big brown eyes of his blinked open. 

“No, you’re the sun.” 

That made your eyebrow arch, your hands stopping. 

“I’m the sun? Why am I the sun?” 

He was rubbing your hips. 

“Because you’re bright and beautiful. Your warmth gives me life and helps me grow. The last reason is obvious.” He crookedly smiled. 

Frowning, your brows furrowed, not knowing what he meant. 

“Apparently, it’s not because I have no idea.” 

Reaching, his big hands held your face. 

“My world revolves around you. You’re the center of my universe. No puedo vivir sin ti porque eres todo para mí (I can’t live without you because you’re my everything). Prometo que soy tuyo por siempre (I promise, I am yours forever). Mi corazón, mi cuerpo, mi alma, son tuyos (My heart, my body, my soul, they are all yours). Te amaré hasta mi último suspiro y haste que mi corazón deje de latir y luego esperaré a que me encuentres de nuevo al otro lado (I will love you until I take my last breath and my heart stops beating and then I will wait for you to find me on the other side). Yo soy tuyo, y tú eres mía, por siempre en la vida y la muerte (I am yours, and you are mine forever in life and death).” 

Your eyes were burning with unshed tears. 

“God, you know how emotional I get when you go all Gomez Addams on me.” 

He only knew who that was because you’ve made him watch the recent movies… multiple times. 

A smile appeared on his face. “Moriría por ti (I would die for you),” he said. “Mataría por ti (I would kill for you). De cualquier manera, qué alegria (Either way, what bliss).” He winked. 

Your eyes had gone round. “Javier, that is illegal.” 

He chuckled. 

Playfully, you smacked his chest. “I’m serious. Straight to jail. You’re not allowed to quote Gomez when I can’t be horny about it, and right now, we are having a very important discussion.” 

“I’m sorry, Cielito,” he replied, pulling you down for a kiss. 

When you separated, your faces were close enough your noses were touching, the tip of his nuzzling against yours. 

“How do you feel?” you asked, barely above a whisper. 

“Tired,” he sighed. 

“Makes sense. Is there anything else I should know?” 

“I don’t think so.” 

“I’m sorry it all came out like this,” you said. “If I ever see that motherfucker again, I’m punching him in his stupid face for all the shit he’s put you through. I hate him.” 

“I punched him.”

That made you pull back, your gaze on his. 

“What?” 

“I punched him.” 

“When?” 

“Today.” 

Your eyes widened. “Which hand?” 

His eyebrows pulled together. 

“Right?” 

“Let me see it.” He brought it up to you, and you took it in your hands to inspect his knuckles, noticing some redness. “Does it hurt?” you asked. 

“Not really.” 

“Nothing feels broken?” you inquired, moving and wiggling his fingers. 

He snorted. “Mi amor (my love), I know how to punch.” 

“People who know how to punch can still fuck up their hands. Do you want me to ice it?” 

“No, baby. I’m fine.” 

“Are you sure?” 

His hand pulled from your grip to cradle your cheek, making you look at him. A soft smile was on his lips. “Cielito, I promise I’m okay.” 

“You pinkie promise?” 

An exasperated breath left him, holding up his right pinkie. “I pinkie promise.” Hooking yours around his it made you feel better. 

“Okay. Why’d you punch him?” 

A grumpy expression came over his face. “Because I thought he got you to leave me, and it was about fucking time I did.” 

“I’m happy you did. He deserved it.” 

“Yeah, he did.” 

“Is he pressing charges?” 

Javi did assault the guy, even if he had it coming. 

“No. I threatened his job, and Joy heard everything.” 

The Sheriff’s assistant was lovely and a big supporter of your relationship with your boyfriend. She confided in you she had a trick for making Javi less grumpy at work, and it was asking or talking about you. Apparently, it completely turned his mood around, and he had no idea, which was delightful.

“Well, that’s good. She’d have your back.” 

“Yeah, she did.” 

His mouth opened, letting out a big yawn, triggering you to yawn, too. 

“Wanna take a nap?” you asked through it. 

“That’s a great fucking idea.” 

Checking your watch, it was half past three, realizing you’d been talking for a couple of hours. 

“Let’s go take a quick shower, then get in bed. We can order pizza for dinner.” 

“Sounds good. Un beso, por favor (One kiss, please),” he said, grunting as he sat up straighter to get closer to your face. 

Smirking, you grabbed his chin in your hand, his heavy-lidded eyes on yours. 

“Un beso (One kiss)? No tienes el control para un solo beso (You don’t have the control for only one kiss). No sobrevivirías con uno solo (You wouldn’t survive with only one).” 

“Tienes razón (You’re right). Necesito dos besos (I need two kisses).”

“Necesitas dos besos (You need two kisses)? No más (No more)?” 

“Hmmm, tuve un mal día y me siento triste (Hmmm, I did have a bad day and I’m feeling sad). Tienes razón, dos no es suficiente (You’re right, two isn’t enough). Mi amor, ¿me besarás hasta que me sienta mejor (My love, will you kiss me until I feel better)?”

“Sí, mi futuro esposo (Yes, my future husband). Te daré tantos besos como necesites (I will give you as many kisses as you need),” you replied, pressing your lips to his and feeling him smiling. 

Many kisses and minutes later, the two of you found yourselves freshly showered under the blankets of your shared bed, your bare fronts pressed together and legs intertwined, his arms wrapped around you to hold you close against him. 

Your head was beside his on the same pillow, sliding your fingers into his damp hair and toying with it while you lay there. 

“I’m sorry about what happened today,” his voice was quiet. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. I mean, the whole thing was fucking insane, and I can’t believe you’ve literally got enemies who want to destroy your life, but I’m okay. Are there any other archnemesis I should be aware of? Any other CIA dudes?” 

“No.” 

“FBI?”

“No.”

“Secret Service.” 

“Oh, yeah.” 

“Really?” you harshly whispered. 

“No.” 

Glaring, you tugged on his hair as you replied, “Asshole. But you’re sure no one else has it out for you besides She-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named?” 

Fucking Lorraine.

He thought it over for a second. 

“I think you’ve met them all. The others are either dead or locked up.” 

“I guess that’s good.” Exhaustion was catching up to you, your eyelids feeling heavy. “I love you.” 

“I love you, too.” 

Closing your eyes, you said, “Mmkay, it’s sleepy time. Night, babe.” 

“Night, Cielito.” He leaned forward to kiss your forehead. “Thank you for loving all of me,” he whispered. 

“No reason to thank me,” you replied, snuggling closer to him. “Loving you is the easiest thing I’ve ever done.” 

“Loving you is the best thing I’ve ever done.” 

It was getting hard to stay awake, feeling so out of it, your thoughts thick and slow like molasses, almost like you were drunk. It didn’t even register that you said out loud the first thing that popped into your head after hearing what he said. 

 “Mmm,” you mumbled. “Marry me…” 

Sleep came for you, pulling you down into a dreamless abyss. Maybe you were dreaming it, thinking you might’ve heard the quietest, yes. 

An hour passed. 

At some point, you rolled out of Javi’s arms, seeking cooler sheets. 

Another hour went by.

Jostling woke you, it taking you a second to reorient yourself with your consciousness, realizing the interruption was your boyfriend beside you thrashing—not violently, it was very mild, his legs and arms moving enough you felt it. 

“No,” he softly whined, and your eyes flew open. 

It was a nightmare. 

He was having a nightmare. 

“No, no, no,” he continued. “Please, no.” 

Your first instinct was to wake him up and save him from the misery, but that could do more harm than good or possibly elicit a violent reaction. All you could do was let him work through it and hope his sleep shifted to something more peaceful. 

Keeping your ears peeled, you listened for if he needed you. 

A minute later, he went still, and you let out a relieved breath. 

Sunlight crept through the cracks in the blinds behind the blue linen curtains, bathing the room in a soft glow. The only sounds you could hear were the hum of the air conditioner and people walking around in the apartment above yours. 

Maybe if you cuddled him, it would make him feel better. 

Getting ready to face him, he suddenly shouted Cielito, his body bolting upright while his chest heaved in heavy breaths. 

Immediately, you turned toward him; the sheets were pooling at his waist, his eyes wide open, and you reached to touch his arm, Javi jolting when you made contact. 

“It’s me, baby,” you reassured. “It’s just me. I’m here.” 

He looked at you with tears streaming down his cheeks, a layer of sweat making his skin glisten.

“You’re here,” he breathed. 

“I’m here.” 

“You’re not there.” 

Those three words made your heart break, wondering what terrible things he was dreaming about.

“No, Javi. I’m here at our apartment in Laredo with you. We’re home.” 

“We’re home.” He swallowed thickly. “I’m at home with you. Fuck.” His palms pressed to his face. 

“What do you need?” 

His hands fell, big, round eyes meeting yours, seeing his distress. 

“To forget.” 

Moving, you sat up. “Okay, we can either go watch a movie in the living room, or I can make you come.” 

“Make me feel good. Please.” 

“I can do that, baby,” you said, leaning in to kiss him. He cupped your cheeks, deepening it with a press of his tongue between your lips, welcoming the intrusion, and tangling yours with his in the way he liked. 

As far as you knew, this was the first nightmare he’d had at home with you, and his desperation for you to make it all go away was palpable—you could feel his need. A large palm lowered to fondle the familiar weight of your breast, moaning when he rolled your pebbled nipple between his fingers. Scooting closer to him, without looking, you uncovered his waist to get your hand where he was starting to harden, wrapping your fingers around his length, languidly stroking him. 

The kissing was messy as he rapidly grew in your fist, his palm skating down to the apex of your thighs, gasping when two thick digits slid through your slit—gathering some of the wetness pooling at your opening, he used it to easily glide his fingers over your perky little clit, circling it so sparks of arousal danced in your belly. 

This was about him wanting to forget, and you had some ideas on how to achieve that, needing to get him nice and hard before you began. 

The need to breathe became too much, and he nipped at your bottom lip, kissing along your jaw to your neck, making you hum in pleasure when he sucked on your pulse point. 

His lips trailed up, feeling his hot breath at your ear, his voice a rough, soft rasp, “Let me eat your pussy.”  

“I’m making you feel good, baby,” you answered, his cock at full-mast in your hand. He moved to look you in the eyes with a little frown on his face. “I’m gonna make you lose your mind first, and then you can do whatever you want to me.” 

The pink of his tongue peeked between his lips, nodding his head once. 

“I know you trust me, but are you okay with me tying you up?” you asked.

His eyes darkened, and he nodded his head again. 

“Words, Javi,” you said. “I need to hear it.” 

“Yes,” he whispered. 

“Be right back.” You quickly kissed him. “Get comfy in the middle.” 

Getting out of bed, you went to his dresser, reaching into his tie box to grab a black patterned tie. 

The blankets had been kicked to the end of the mattress, and he stacked some pillows behind his back to prop himself up in the spot you requested, his dick hard and leaking precum in the trail of hair on his lower belly. 

“God, you’re pretty,” you said as you got onto the bed, crawling towards him.

He spoke so softly, “Not as pretty as you.” His lips were curled up in a tiny smile as he looked at you, thinking it was sweet he was trying so hard to act normal when he was clearly still messed up from the dream. 

“Such a sweetheart. Hands up, baby,” you said, sitting on your knees beside him. 

The white metal headboard arched with a second arch in the middle and vertical slats under it, making it easy to slip the tie over the metal after twisting it in a way that left two loops his wrists could fit into. 

Doing as you said, his hands came up, and quickly, you had them secured, making sure they weren’t too tight and nodding to yourself when you were satisfied. 

“Are you comfortable?” you asked. 

His elbows were up, arms tied to the headboard behind his head. 

He was looking at you and nodded. 

“What’s your safeword?” you asked. 

“Rábano (Radish),” he answered immediately, which was good. 

“As always, the stoplight system is also in play, or if you tell me to stop, I will. Please tell me if it’s too much.” 

“I will.” 

Smiling, you replied, “Good boy,” ending it with a wink that made him gulp hard. 

It only took a moment to get in position, kneeling between his wide-spread legs. 

Now, you loved being Javi’s pillow princess or any position where your only job was taking what he had to give. But the times like this where he handed over the reins and put you totally in control? Oh, it was one of your favorites—definitely, top three. The power you felt at making him feel so good was addictive, greedily wanting every moan, whimper, whine, and groan you could pull from him—it was the best. 

Seeing him there in front of you naked, a slight sheen on his skin from sweat, a fresh, darkening hickey over his pulse point from the night before, his hard cock resting against his happy trail in a pool of precum—he was a sight to behold, and he was yours, wanting to do whatever you could to make him feel better. 

Moving forward, your hands held up your weight on either side of him as you crawled over his body to kiss him on the lips, all slow and tender, ending it with a nip to his bottom lip. 

“I love your lips,” you said, nudging your nose against his. “I love your nose.” Your mouth pressed to his chin in a kiss, speaking into his skin, “I love your chin.” Peppering kisses along his jaw, your words were muffled, “I love your jaw.” 

Your trail continued down his neck, feeling him swallow hard, “God, your neck.” Here you stayed, laving him in kisses and sucking marks into the taut golden skin, making him softly whimper. 

He asked you to make him feel good, and yes, you could get straight to the point and make him come, but that wasn’t enough—he needed it drawn out and to hear and feel your love for him. Basically, you were going to tease him and worship his body while you did it because the easiest way to turn Javi into a puddle was by giving him physical affection and verbal affirmation, two of the three ways he liked to be loved. 

Lowering to his chest, you continued your tour of his torso with your mouth, kissing every bit of skin you could while leaving the occasional mark. 

“I love your pecs,” you said before licking at his nipple and getting a groan in return. Sucking on it, had his hands struggling in the restraints and his hips bucking. Switching sides, you went through the same motions while his sounds got louder, hearing how much he was enjoying what you were doing. 

“Please,” he gasped. 

Letting go of his hard bud, your head lifted. “Please, what?” you asked. 

His mouth wasn’t closed all the way, panting, his eyes darkened. 

“Touch me,” he raggedly answered. 

“Not yet.” Quickly, you pecked him on the lips, and he whined. “You’re doing so good for me,” you praised. “I know you can take more, baby. Now, where was I? Oh, yes.” 

Scooting back, you leaned down to kiss all over his stomach, deliberately avoiding his dick. 

“I love your tummy,” you murmured against him.

The whine he let out was pitiful and thrilled you, the puddle of precum in the hair below his navel getting bigger. 

Your cunt was throbbing in tune with your heartbeat as you moved further back to be at the perfect distance away to bend down and trail a streak of kisses and bites along his inner right thigh, leaving a mark near the joint. “I love your thighs,” you said. His eyes were glazed over and watching your every move while unbidden moans left his lips, your head going to his other thigh to give it the same treatment. 

His dick was straining, the tip an angry red, it jerking when your hot breath ghosted over it. 

“Cielito, baby, please,” he practically pleaded. 

“Are you needy, Javi?” you asked, kissing above his belly button. 

“Yes, please.” 

“Okay, baby, you can have anything you want.” 

His cock was like iron encased in velvet and hot to the touch when you took him in hand. Javi hissed, his mouth falling open as you pressed open-mouth kisses up his shaft. 

“Now, this?” His attention was on you while you slowly jerked him. “You know how much I love this gorgeous dick.”

When your lips wrapped around the head and you swirled your tongue against all the sensitive spots, his eyes closed, and he groaned.  

Coming off of him, you spat in your palm and started stroking him, your hand gliding effortlessly, twisting it on the upstroke, the other fondling his balls, your face going lower to lightly lick at the thin skin of his sack. 

His long, low moan went straight to your pussy.

Licking back up his cock, his eyes were on yours as you gathered spit on your tongue and let it drip onto the tip of him before taking him into your mouth and hollowing your cheeks, humming around him. You welcomed the weight of him on your tongue, bobbing your head while sucking him like a lollipop, your hand continuing to work what wouldn’t fit in your mouth—rough sounds were coming from his throat, his eyebrows furrowed, mouth open, and gaze so dark hardly any brown remained. 

Taking him further and further into your mouth and tonguing the underside of his shaft, it got until he was nudging the back of your throat, and you didn’t go any further. You were moaning, your head moving up and down, keeping your eyes on his, building up the anticipation for what he knew was coming and the thing that would push him over the edge. 

This was something that had taken a lot of practice, and Javi wasn’t a small guy; deepthroating him was actual deepthroating with how big he was—after getting a tiny bit too drunk one night on some tequila his tía Lupe gave you, the topic of how he was the most well-endowed man you’ve ever been with came up, and he was so smug about it, it took very little convincing for him to let you measure his hard very close to eight-inch dick. 

Swallowing around him, he slid smoothly into the tight space of your throat, Javi loudly moaning your name, taking him so deep, your nose was pressing into the coarse hairs at the base of his cock, smelling your eucalyptus spearmint stress relief body wash he used in the shower before you got into bed. 

Breathing through your nose, tears were leaking out of the corners of your eyes, loving how he felt inside you. 

“Te amo (I love you),” his strained voice said. “Te amo más que a nada (I love you more than anything).”

This man and being so loving during sex—he was perfect. 

Gulping made his thighs and stomach tense, and a strangled moan left his lips, his dick jerking. 

You knew he was getting close, so you did it again, contracting your throat around him, trying to get him there. 

“Rábano (Radish)!” he exclaimed, and immediately, you were pulling off of him, ignoring the drool on your chin and your wet cheeks. 

It had you worried something was wrong. 

Your voice was hoarse when you asked, “Are you okay?” 

His eyes were shut, his chest rising and falling hard while he panted. 

“Yeah,” he croaked. 

“Was it too much?” 

“No.” 

“Just didn’t want to come?” 

“Yeah.” 

“Wanna cuddle while you calm down?” 

“Please,” he answered. 

Smiling, you crawled up his body, straddling his hips to sit in his lap, quickly untying his hands, Javi immediately hugging you against him. His skin was sticky with sweat, and you didn’t care, tucking your head under his chin, lying against him. 

“How are you feeling, babe?” you quietly asked. 

“Good,” he answered, kissing your hair. 

“Head still messed up?” 

“Mi amor (My love), the only thing on my mind right now is eating your pretty little pussy and then fucking my come deep inside it.” 

His words made your cunt clench hard around nothing. 

“Well, that’s good the horny has taken over.” 

He chuckled, feeling it vibrate in his chest below you, him squeezing you tighter. 

“It has. How sore are you from yesterday?” 

The day before, you had asked him to fuck you hard enough, you’d feel it today, and you definitely were dealing with a bit of an ache, now that you were thinking about it. 

“Not like I need to ice my vagina sore but achy—honestly, I hadn’t even noticed it with all the shit that happened today, but now that you’ve mentioned it, I’m feeling it.”

“I’ll get you off with my mouth and fingers and use lube when I fuck you,” he said matter-of-factly. 

“Are you now?” 

“Yeah.” There was doubt in his voice when he continued, “Unless you don’t want that…”

“Javier, my future husband and love of my life, we’re fucking—your plan sounds great. A deal’s a deal, my body is yours to do with whatever you want, mi cuerpo es tu cuerpo (my body is your body).” 

“Anything…?” He sounded hopeful, and you knew exactly what he meant.

“Nice try, but unfortunately, it’s a no on anal today.” You felt him deflate under you. “I think I can probably make it happen tomorrow.” He perked right back up, a surprised noise leaving you, when suddenly you found yourself on your back, having been rolled with him now on top of you—his hips nestled in the cradle of your thighs, his hard cock digging into your belly. 

His smiling face was hovering over yours, his hair a mess atop his head, sticking up at odd angles. 

“I can fuck your ass tomorrow?” he asked, clearly excited. 

You snorted, ghosting your fingertips over his bare back to make him shiver. “It’s adorable how every time I agree to anal, you act like it’s the first time I’ve said you can, when in fact, you’ve gotten to do it like four times—“

“Five,” he interrupted, “six if you let me tomorrow. Can I?”

With what he went through today, he deserved a nice treat, and frankly, you quite enjoyed it. 

“Yes, Javi. Mi culo es tu culo (my ass is your ass).”

“Sí, así es (Yes, it is).” His lips crashed into yours. “Tu culo es mío (Your ass is mine),” he growled, licking into your mouth and stealing your breath. 

His tongue slid against yours in practiced strokes, your fingers digging into his shoulders hard enough that your nails left half-moon imprints, arousal burning brightly in your belly. He had to rock his hips for friction to ease his achingly hard dick, pressing it into the softness of your stomach. 

The day’s events were insane, to say the least—nowhere on your daily bingo card did you have ‘Javi’s Villainous Ex-Co-worker Attempting to Break You Up’ or ‘Assisting in a Surgery to Save a Patient's Life,’ the second definitely being more plausible to randomly happen than the first, though. 

It killed you how distressed your future husband was over Stechner telling you about some of what he did in Colombia. Did you not tell him enough you’d still love him after learning about that part of his life? Were you not reassuring enough? Did he not believe you? It was shocking to hear all he’d done and gone through, and some of it was incredibly fucked up; Like you told him, it wasn’t your place to judge his past. To you, he had paid for his sins in full, and there was no reason for him to dwell on them any longer. You just hoped after today, it would get through to him that you weren’t going anywhere and loved everything about him. Everything, even his flaws. 

His lips broke away from yours to kiss your chin, gasping at his teeth nipping at it. A wet trail of kisses went along your jaw, his breath tickling your ear as he rasped into it, “I love you so fucking much.” Goosebumps erupted all over your skin. “You’re perfect—a goddamn goddess amongst men, and I’m gonna give you the fucking worship you deserve, mi reina (my queen).” 

Pulling on his hair, you made him look at you, his eyes hooded, smirking under his perfectly trimmed mustache. “God, I love you, but right now isn’t about me; it’s about you.” 

“And this is what I want to do.”

Frowning, you replied, “Fine,” and let go of his hair.

“Thank you.” 

And thus, he began a journey of your flesh with the plush of his lips, starting with your face. The kisses were gentle, reverent, interspersing them with whispers of ‘te amo (I love you),’ blazing a trail of fire under your skin as he made his way down your body—your jaw to your neck to your chest and breasts, peppering kisses all over your tummy. 

This wasn’t the first time he’d done this, nor would it be the last. Still, the way his mouth caressed each of your imperfections—your insecurities, and told them he loved them had your throat going tight and tears brimming your eyes that he truly cherished every part of you. He didn’t care if your stomach wasn’t flat or if there were stretch marks, scars, or cellulite on your ass and thighs; to him, you were beautiful—all of you was beautiful, and he’d make damn sure you knew it.  

Down he went, kissing and speaking his love as he moved lower until he was lying between your legs. Lips pressed to each of your hip bones, his big hands grabbing just behind your knees, lifting one leg for him to kiss a wet streak along your inner thigh, his murmured words hot against your skin. The tickle of his mustache caused you to wiggle a little, your body lit up, and pussy weeping with need for him, wanting him to touch you. 

The leg was lowered, his face a hair's breadth away from where you were throbbing, so close you could feel his breath and him inhaling deeply. Humming appreciatively in the back of his throat, you sat up, his eyes meeting yours. 

“Now this,” his words were a deep rasp. “You know how much I love this pretty fucking pussy. I’ve never had any better—it owns me.” 

“It’s yours, Javi. It’s all yours.” 

A crooked smile appeared on his face. 

“Yeah, it is mine, and my dick is yours.” 

“Touch me.” 

“Not yet, mi amor (my love),” he replied and placed a chaste kiss on your mons. Your other leg was lifted, and he gave it the same attention as the other, making you fall back onto the bed in a frustrated groan, your cunt feeling so achingly empty.  

“Javi,” you whined his name. “Please, eat me out.”

“Are you needy, baby?” he asked, kissing close to your knee. 

“Yes.” 

“Okay, I’ve got you, Cielito.” 

Scooting closer, he slipped your legs over his broad shoulders, one comforting hand on your belly, the other hand at the apex of your thighs where he used his thumb and forefinger to open the glossy lips of your sex—the need you had for him grew more intense wanting him to ease the ache in your core. 

“So fucking pretty,” he purred, his breath fanning over the wet folds of your pussy. 

It made you moan when wet, hot spit dropped onto your clit, feeling the saliva slowly dripping down toward your entrance and being intercepted by the flat of Javi’s tongue sliding up the length of you, sending a jolt through your center. 

Sitting up on your elbows, you watched his face between your thighs—eyes closed, hair a mess of chocolate waves. His groans vibrated against your sensitive skin as he lapped at you, licking up every bit of your arousal he could get in hot stripes. Heat was beginning to build in the base of your spine, and when his lips latched around your sensitive bundle of nerves, and he sucked, you moaned his name, writhing under him from the shock of pleasure. 

“Oh, god,” you gasped. “It’s so good, Javi. It feels so good.” 

His eyes opened, all heavy-lidded, his pupils blown wide with lust while he watched himself make a mess of you, not even a tiny bit ashamed you were mewling.

You were so close when one thick finger slid inside you with hardly any resistance, savoring the slight stretch when he pushed in a second beside it. This man was an expert at making you come and knew your body probably better than you did. His hot mouth focused on your clit, pulling out all the stops by flicking it with his tongue, and sucking, while his digits worked in and out of you before he was crooking them up to slide along—

“Right there!” you moaned, him pressing into the spot that had every nerve in your body lighting up, the knot in your belly tightening. “Fuck, Javi! You’re gonna make me come!”

That just spurred him on, and it was all so much—the adoration evident in his dark eyes, watching as he took you apart; his mouth focusing on your sensitive clit, his fingers relentlessly fucking into you—all of your weight went onto one elbow to hold his hand on your stomach, needing him to ground you, and make sure you didn’t float away as he sent you higher and higher.

He had you moaning incoherently, and it wasn’t long before the coil snapped, and you came with a cry of his name, blinding pleasure exploding out from your core. 

“Good girl,” he groaned into your pussy. “My good fucking girl.” 

His tongue licked up your release, greedily pressing it inside your drenched hole to drink it from the source. Falling back on the mattress, your chest was heaving, eyes closed, and your boyfriend slowed down to work you through your high. 

One last kiss was placed on your swollen clit, before he got out from under your legs and crawled up your body, the tip of his hard cock drooling precum onto your skin as it pressed into you.

The air shifted, and you knew his face was over yours, him staying like that for some seconds. 

“Why are you staring at me?” you mumbled. 

“Because you’re beautiful,” he answered quietly.

You smiled. “Such a fucking flirt.” 

“Just telling the truth.” 

“Uh-huh, the truth that’s gonna get you laid.” 

“I didn’t say it so I’d get laid.” The frown was evident in his tone, and it made you open one eye to see his mustache, and the bottom half of his face were covered in your juices, and just as you thought, his reddened lips were turned down.

“Oh, babe,” you started, opening both eyes as you reached up to caress his cheeks. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings. You know I’m terrible at accepting compliments.” 

A loud sigh left him, his eyes darting away. 

“Yeah, your low self-esteem—”

“Absolutely abysmal self-esteem,” you corrected. 

“I know. I just wish you could see how I see you so you knew I mean what I say.” 

“I know you’re telling the truth,” you replied. “We don’t lie to each other.” 

“We don’t.”

“Then that’s settled. Now let’s get back to the horny because your dick has absolutely got to be aching, my guy.” 

His gaze met yours. “Do you wanna come again? I’m not gonna last.” 

“One was more than enough. As I said earlier, mi cuerpo es tu cuerpo (my body is your body). Use it however you want to make yourself feel good.” 

“Thank you,” he said, his mouth hotly descending to claim yours, using the moan you made at tasting yourself to slip his tongue inside. 

It was true you were still sore from the night before, but with him making you orgasm, your cunt was nice and wet, and the muscles were relaxed to make taking him easier. 

His hips were grinding into you, the kissing making heat blossom in your belly and sizzle along your spine that could build into another climax if you let it. One moment, his lips were on yours, and the next, they weren’t, him suddenly sitting up with a groan on his knees. 

“Need you on your front, mi amor (my love),” he said, tapping your hip. The bed jostled as he moved over you toward the bedside table. 

“Damn, doggy two nights in a row?” you asked, flipping onto your stomach. “You really want me sore enough I will have to ice my pussy.” 

“Not doggy,” he replied, hearing the drawer slide open and close. “Keep your legs together.” 

Closing your legs and keeping them straight, Javi made his way back over, straddling them. Your arms were on either side of your head that was turned to the side, resting comfortably on the mattress. He bent over, pressing a kiss to your shoulder and another at the base of your neck, asking softly, “Is this okay?” 

“Yes,” you answered. “Stick it in.” To end the sentence, you wiggled your ass. 

“You’re so fucking impatient,” he chuckled, getting back up on his knees. The sound of the cap popping open told you he was using the lube, the bottle getting tossed onto the bed when he was done. 

“One of us has to be.” 

A sharp smack landed on your ass, making you gasp, before he shuffled forward, using one hand on the mattress to hold himself up, the other positioning his cock at your entrance. 

“I was gonna be gentle…” Was all the warning he gave before burying himself inside you in one smooth thrust. 

A strangled gasp left you at the sudden fullness, relishing the burn, your fingers clawing at the sheet under you for something to hold onto. With your legs closed, you were tighter, and Javi felt bigger—stealing your breath bigger, oh-my-god-how-did-he-fit-that-thing-inside-me bigger, I'm-definitely-gonna-have-to-ice-my-pussy bigger. 

You had to admit, the stretch was pretty great.

“Jesus Christ,” he gritted through his teeth, his hips bumping into the plush of your ass. “You’re so fucking tight, baby.” 

His large palms were now on your backside, smoothing over your skin. 

“You’re so fucking big,” you breathily replied.

He pulled halfway out and slowly pushed back in with a groan, your mouth falling open and feeling thankful for the lube making him move so easily. His hard length was pressing into all of those spots that made your toes curl, feeling every ridge and vein as he slid it halfway out and rocked it back in over and over, your brain erroring out at how good it felt.

“Shit,” he hissed, moving forward on his arms to kiss your back once more. “This is gonna be quick.” 

He sped up his pace, his dick moving in and out of you with quick snaps of his hips, pushing in so far there was a possibility he was in your guts, filling you to your limit—it was hard to think; it was hard to breathe, with how full you felt.

A fire had started in your belly, getting hotter and hotter with each deep kiss of his cock to your womb, no longer feeling overwhelmed by the fullness, it now slowly making you lose your mind in ecstasy. 

“I love you so fucking much,” he panted. “You’re so fucking perfect and beautiful and amazing. Fuck, you feel so good. Me encanta cómo te sientes, mi amor (I love how you feel, my love). Estás tan apretada y mojada (You’re so tight and wet).” Wet was an understatement; you were sopping, hearing an obscene squelch where you were joined. “Te sientes tan pinche rico (You feel so fucking good). Te amo, mi futura esposa (I love you, my future wife). No puedo esperar para casarme contigo (I can’t wait to marry you).” 

He sat up, his hands firmly gripping your waist for leverage, fucking into you harder and faster, grunting with every thrust—your body was alight in pleasure, the angle making him rub against that one spot only he could find and rocketing you toward your own end; your skin was heated, coated in sweat, and you were so fuck drunk a stream of babbling was coming from your mouth in the tune of his name, letting him know how good he was fucking you, and telling him you loved him—a lot of you telling him you loved him, actually. 

The room was filled with the rhythmic slap of his hips hitting against your ass, the jumble of words spilling from your lips, and the rougher grunts from Javi’s throat, the air smelling like sex. 

The heated pressure inside you was growing rapidly, your body trembling. 

“I love you, too,” he grunted. “Am I fucking you good, Cielito? Are you gonna come again? You’re so fucking wet, and I can feel you’re close, baby. You know why I can’t wait to marry you?” 

Somehow, in your wrecked state, you could choke out a “Why?” 

“Shit, I’m almost there, too.” He swallowed. “‘Cause I love you.” His rhythm was starting to get uneven. “And I’ll finally get to fuck a baby into you.” 

A stab of red-hot pleasure hit your gut, your moan sounding punched from your lungs. 

“You want that,” he continued. “You want me to get you pregnant.” 

That fire in your belly was threatening to combust, so close to your climax that you could practically taste it. 

“Yes!” you cried out. 

He was going faster, his thick cock slickly sliding in and out of your tight heat; his name was a soft chant from your lips, saying it over and over like a prayer—proof he was a sex god, and you were his devoted devotee willingly giving him your entire being, body, and soul, as an offering. 

He worshiped you, and you worshiped him. 

“You’ll look so fucking beautiful pregnant with my baby,” his words were breathy. “My beautiful pregnant wife; fuck, come on, Cielito, give me another. I want my wife to come with me. Come on, mi esposa, I’m gonna fill you up—fuck my come so deep, you’ll be pregnant when I put a ring on your finger.” 

That’s what got you, falling over the edge with a gasping moan. Euphoria overtook every cell in your body, rippling out from your center, spreading to your fingers and toes, feeling like you kept coming, and coming, and coming. 

Javi went with you, pushing in all the way to the hilt, his cock thickening and jerking hard, shattering with a low, dirty groan, feeling the warm, wet pulse as his spend filled you—falling forward on his arms, his hips rolled to fuck it deeper, and he leaned down to softly kiss your shoulder, moving to lightly bite the edge of your ear, hearing the hiss slide through his teeth when the overstimulation hit and he stopped moving. 

Wrung out was apt for how you felt. Your limbs were quivering uncontrollably, panting, your mind all hazy from the pleasure, and you felt boneless. 

Something about the man you were going to marry was he enjoyed staying inside you after finishing, and he’d mastered the art of getting you both comfortable without pulling out. He rolled you both onto your sides, bringing your back flush to his front and wrapping his arms around you to hug you tightly against him, his nose buried in your hair, while your hand went back behind you to play with his. 

It didn’t matter you were both sweaty and, let’s be honest, gross—a shower was absolutely needed—you loved basking in the post-coital bliss with the person you would spend the rest of your life with. 

This also happened to be another occasion where time was tricky. It only felt like seconds passed, maybe a minute or two, as you lay there, luxuriating in each other, but a glance at the glowing red numbers on the alarm clock on your bedside table told you ten minutes had passed. 

“Yes,” you said, breaking the silence. 

He nuzzled against your neck, pressing a kiss to it. 

“Are you practicing again?” 

“No, this yes is my pre-acceptance of your proposal.” 

“I’ve been pre-approved to be your husband?” he asked amusedly. 

“Um, yes, Javier, you have gone above and beyond to prove you are husband material. You’ve also been pre-approved to be the father of my future children.” 

“Cielito?” 

“Yeah?” 

“I’m guessing you don’t remember,” he sighed. 

“Remember what…?”

“I’m already engaged.” 

“WHAT?!” you yelled, Javi making a pained sound when you aggressively got out of his arms and off his dick to turn around and sit up in bed, staring at him. “What the fuck are you talking about?!” 

The expression on his face could only be described as the realization of, ‘I fucked up.’ His throat bobbed as he gulped in fear at your reaction. 

He propped his head up on his arm, meeting your gaze. 

“I can explain—“ he tried. 

Thoughts were racing through your brain, trying to make sense of this—that was the thing; it made zero sense. Nothing was adding up, not with how intertwined your lives had become and your plans for the future, plus all the shit you’d gone through together to get to this point.  

“Oh, you better fucking explain, Javier,” you cut him off, anger making you seethe. “It’s not Lorraine since she’s married. Wait—“ Panic hit you. “Am I the other woman? Do you secretly have a fiancée in Colombia?”

There was no way whoever he was betrothed to was from here—you’d know. 

His face scrunched in confusion. 

“Other woman?” he asked. “Secret fiancée? What? It’s you. I’m engaged to you!”

Your eyebrows creased, checking your hands for a ring and not seeing one. 

“Uh, no, we’re not…” You looked at him. “Our anniversary hasn’t happened yet, and I’m like 99.9% sure you haven’t proposed—I’d remember.”  

“You proposed to me…” he said slowly.

That had you taken aback. 

“Javi, babe, I am so fucking confused right now. Like, you’re the one—” You pointed at him then yourself. “—who has to propose to me, not in a stereotypical way, but because your last engagement wasn’t your choice, and you wanting to marry me, or anyone for that matter, needs to be your choice. Also, I cannot recall ever proposing to you?”

As you explained your reasoning why he was the one who had to do it, his eyes had gotten rounder, and he smiled softly. 

“It was this afternoon before you fell asleep.”

There was still no recollection. 

“Was I basically asleep?” 

He sheepishly ducked his head. “Yeah…” 

Pushing his shoulder, you replied in exasperation, “Oh my god, Javier, that doesn’t count! You know that doesn’t count!” 

His smile got bigger, meeting your eyes. “I still said yes.” 

“To a woman who was more asleep than awake and wasn’t in the right state of mind to even ask.” 

“Yeah? Right now, if you asked again, my answer would be the same.” 

Thinking about it briefly, you said, “Still doesn’t count unless there’s a ring, and I never proposed with a ring, so that null and voids it.” 

His eyebrow went up. “In order for a proposal to be valid, a ring is required...?” 

“Yep. Thems the rules. So, we’re not engaged.” 

“Okay. We’re not engaged.” 

Smiling, you replied. “Nope. Oh! Another stipulation.”

“Yes?”

“The proposal is only valid if there’s a ring and you’re the one doing the asking.”

“Anything else?”

“Yeah.” You nodded. “You’ll have to get my father’s blessing to marry me.”

His face paled. 

“You’ve gotta be fucking joking…” he said. 

“Of course, I’m joking! I don’t give a single fuck about his opinion. That was payback for freaking me out.”

“Thank fuck,” he breathed. “Come here.” He beckoned you with the hand, not holding himself up. 

Getting closer, you laid down next to him, his arm pulling you closer to him so you were looking up at his face. He was gazing adoringly into your eyes with a smile, his fingers stroking your cheek. 

The silence was comfortable, dancing your fingertips along his naked side. 

“Thank you for not leaving me,” he finally spoke softly. 

“Never even crossed my mind.” 

“Thank you for loving me.” 

“Always.” 

“Thank you for wanting to be my wife.” 

“Thank you for wanting to be my husband. Really, it’s an honor. I’ll be the woman who bagged Javier Peña.” 

He huffed out a breath. “Yes, you will. Thank you for wanting to have kids with me.” 

“Oh, that’s easy. They’re gonna be cute, and you’ll be an amazing dad.” 

His eyes were a little shinier. 

“I’m happy you think that.” 

“I know that—our bovine children are treated like royalty. You’re gonna spoil the fuck out of our biological babies, and they’ll love you a lot.”

“I hope so.” 

“They will.” 

Lowering his head, he kissed you with so much passion it made your breath catch in your throat, and your heart skip a beat. 

“Cielito?” he murmured into your lips. 

“Yes, Javi?” 

“Can we practice?” 

His question made you smile.

“You want to practice making a baby again?” you asked, knowing that wasn’t what he meant.

“Fucking smartass,” he growled, tickling your ribs, making you laugh while you tried to wiggle away.

Your mouths had broken apart. “Okay, okay, I give,” you panted. Immediately, he stopped his tickle assault. “We can practice.” 

He gave you a big, dimpled smile, quickly kissing you. 

“Spanish or English?” he asked. 

“Dealer’s choice.” 

His face went serious. “No, when you imagine me asking, is it in Spanish or English?” 

“Uh, Spanish?”

“Okay.” 

“But it doesn’t matter,” you quickly added. “Just do what feels right.” 

“It needs to be perfect. Which is why we’re gonna practice,” he said, winking. 

“Uh huh, we’re practicing, and it’s not an excuse for you to ask the question that won’t leave you alone and has made you regret waiting... Nope, you’re not exploiting a convoluted loophole at all...” 

“Yeah, practice. Okay.” He cleared his throat, his big hand cradling your face, his chocolate brown eyes gazing lovingly into yours. “Mi Cielito,” he started, “eres el amor de mi vida, mi media naranja y quiero pasar el resto de mi vida contigo (My Cielito, you are the love of my life, my soulmate, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you). Quiero compartir cada instante de mi vida contigo en las buenas tiempos y en las malas porque somos más fuertes juntos y podemos superar cualquier cosa (I want to share my life with you in good times and bad because we are stronger together and we can overcome anything).” There was no way to stop the tears from forming in your eyes, blurring your vision, getting choked up at what he was saying. “Cuando imagino mi futuro, te veo conmigo, en la casa que construimos, rodeado de nuestros hijos y quiero hacer que eso sea una realidad (When I imagine my future, I see you with me, in the house we built, surrounded by our children, and I want to make that a reality).” He had you crying now, unable to keep the wetness at bay, your cheeks hurting from smiling so big. “Quiero hacer realidad mi sueño y convertirme en tu esposo (I want to make my dream come true and become your husband). Mi Cielito, mi amor, mi vida, ¿me hariás el hombre más feliz del mundo, te casarías conmigo (My Cielito, my love, my life, you’d make me the happiest man in the world, will you  marry me)?”

Nodding your head, laughing through your tears, you answered, “Sí, sí, un millón de veces sí (Yes, yes, a million times yes)!”

His mouth came crashing down to happily claim yours, both of you smiling as you kissed, your hands ending up in the hair at the back of his head. 

“How was it?” he asked between kisses, his palm sliding up and down your belly. 

“Perfect.” 

“The real thing will be better.” 

“Wait, Javi.” 

Immediately, his lips were off of yours, and he looked at you in concern. 

“What’s wrong?” 

“I know you’re still figuring out your plan, and I’m going to love whatever it is, but, um, it’ll need to be done someplace, maybe secluded?” 

“I know you’d hate the attention, so I’m gonna do something intimate.” 

It relieved you to hear that. 

“This is why you get your dick sucked so often.” He chuckled, smiling. “You’re perfect. It wasn’t just because of that…” 

“Okay… What’s the other reason?” 

“Apparently, proposals make me super horny, and I’ll want your dick.” 

“Somewhere secluded.” He nodded. “Whatever my wife wants, she gets.” 

Smiling, you corrected, “Future wife.”

“Still, my wife.” 

He was so stubborn he made your eyes roll. 

“And what will you call me when we’re married?” 

“My wife, and every. Fucking. Person, in this town and anyone else aware of me will know I am your husband.” 

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Tagging: @theorganasolo @nicolethered @nessamc @vanemando15 @fiscinthirst @melancholyy-hill @hnt-escape @sherala007 @jadesabre83 @rainbeaubrightchild @blub-senpai @pedrohoe04 @theherothesavior @captain-creampuff @javiersjeans @zetasaturno99 @amb11 @lovedbyth3sun @siidereeus @marvelousmermaid @mrszdjarin @themarcusmoreno @ms-loverman-066 @star-wars-fan-2005 @kissing-stars @chloeinpink @notyourlovemonkey @unofficialavenger90 @fictionismyreality @sheetsof-lennon @damnyoupedro @katareyoudrilling @iamskyereads @enjoyourlattebitch @daddydindjarin @absurdthirst @kirsteng42 @littlemisspascal @athalien @thevoiceinyourheadx @elegantduckturtle @harriedandharassed @girlofchaos @mswarriorbabe80 @theewokingdead @guess-my-next-obsession @pedrostories @deadhumourist

#pedro pascal #javier peña #javier peña/reader #javier peña x reader #javier peña x you #javier peña smut #wheresarizona writes #learning to live series

[chibinightowl]

Today has been a day. Just a lot of hospital stress this week between my mom and my husband's surgeries and this is how it's coming out (they're both fine and are recovering well).

~~~

Dick finds Tim in a waiting room at Gotham General, slumped in a faded blue plastic chair that's seen better days. At some point during the day, his brother had been immaculately dressed for the office. But now, his blue pin-striped suit is wrinkled, his collar is unbuttoned, and his shirtsleeves have been rolled up. There was a tie somewhere as Dick knows Tim never leaves home without one on an office day, but it's anyone's guess as to where it currently is.

"Hey. I got here as fast as I could," he says, taking the open seat beside Tim. He did too, calling Wally as soon as he got the news from Barbara. "How's Jason?"

Tim opens his eyes, giving him a look that is more dead than alive. "Still critical."

Pain lances through Dick at the two words. He'd lost Jason once before and the guilt from being off world when his Little Wing needed him the most still ate at him in the darkest parts of his psyche. And now, here he is sitting with another brother he never thought he'd have, one who's been through so much trauma and loss of his own--and who is on the verge of possibly losing another loved one.

A car-pedestrian accident. The gall of something so normal and mundane having the potential to take out the Red Hood--or any of them for that matter--is enough to make Dick want to punch the taupe wall of this dreary waiting room.

To be honest, he's rather surprised none of the others are here yet. Well, expect Bruce. He's off world with the JL and...

Oh.

Oh.

"Do you think Bruce knows yet?"

Tim's shrug is so minute Dick might have missed it if he wasn't watching closely. "Can't say I care right now. He and Jay got into another of their big fights before he left. Said if Jay can't clean up his act, then don't bother coming back."

Dick winces and easily reads between the lines of what Tim isn't saying given their semi-public place. Even in Bludhaven, he'd heard about the execution-style murder of a known pedophile--and that it was the Red Hood who'd done it.

"He didn't do it, Dick," Tim whispers, catching his gaze as tears build in his eyes. "I was there. I know he didn't. But Bruce didn't listen to either of us, said I was covering for him because he's in my pants." Those last words are practically spat out. "I think this is the first time I've ever felt like I hate him. He just doesn't listen!"

That's a feeling Dick knows all too well. He also knows now why the others aren't here--that Barbara called him first because Tim doesn't need just comfort.

He needs his big brother.

Dick slides from the chair to kneel on the floor in front of Tim. "Now that is something I know a lot about." He takes Tim's hands and squeezes them firmly. "I'm not going to tell you it'll get better. I'm also not going to say you need to be the bigger person and forgive him. What I am going to tell you is that I believe you and that I believe in Jason."

Tim's breath hitches and he falls into Dick's open arms sobbing. Thank yous fall from his lips and into Dick's jacket. Tears fill his own eyes as he remembers another time where he didn't believe this little bird, his first Robin.

Time hasn't necessarily dulled the guilt, but it has given him perspective. He'd done what he thought best at the time and owned up to it when he'd been proven wrong--a trait not shared by their mentor and father-figure.

"We'll get through this together," Dick soothes, running a hand up and down Tim's back. "You, me, and everyone else. We're all here for you and we're all pulling for Jason."

As he speaks, he glances up and spots Alfred hurrying down the hall with Damian and Duke in tow. Both boys are still dressed in their school uniforms, so Alfred must have pulled them out early. Behind them are Cass and Steph, hands held tightly.

"We're all here," he repeats, nudging Tim's chin to make him look up. "And we're not going anywhere."

#chibinightowl writes #dick grayson #tim drake #background JayTim #there's a lot to unpack here #but it's mostly just brotherly bonding #and me needing to word vomit in some capacity #stress is a bitch #yes I'm fine #just need sleep

[doctorbeth]

A Romper Room Doll

Sometimes patients have had many and serious surgeries before they come to the hospital. Such was the case with this purple checked doll. She had been recovered at some point in the 80s, but now, as her person wrote "I think at this point, every area is a problem area." Here are her diagnosis photos:

And this is what she would have looked like originally (it isn't her, it's a twin):

Fortunately, I knew we could match her checks quite closely, but not her dress. Her person was fine with that though, she could have her own fashion sense. :-) We agreed that the doll would come to the hospital and I would remove her old layers, then add stuffing as needed, recover her, give her new hair, reembroider her smile, replace her button nose and eyes, and then give her a new dress. No spa for the doll.

Surgery proceeded and in due course, she was feeling much better and ready to make some fashion choices:

(her person's reaction was "Oh my gosh she is beautiful!!! She is exactly the same, just a much better version. Absolutely perfect! I am so glad I found you! ")

There were many fabrics to choose from (we were keeping the dress style the same). Velours and calicos and hearts:

White with pink dots (a flannel) was the chosen fabric. Soon, she was sporting her new dress and ready to fly home:

Her person wrote:

She is soooooo cute! Perfect, perfect, perfect! I love the dress. At first I wasn’t going to have you make it, but I’m sure glad I did. You’ve gone above and beyond the expectations I had!

But that wasn't the end of the story... the doll returned home just after Thanksgiving and her person wrote again:

I wanted you to know that I received my doll the day after thanksgiving. The pictures you sent were one thing, but when I saw her in person, I couldn’t believe my eyes. The details! The stitching! The extra little touches! When I had her recovered so many years ago, I could have cried. I think I actually did cry. She wasn’t my doll anymore and she looked like she would fall apart again. Not only have you restored to to what she originally was, you have also made her look indestructible. You are like a fairy godmother. The world needs more special people in it like you! I honestly can’t say thank you enough.

And one last note... when I started making dolls, I made lots of fairy godmothers, because I thought everyone should have a fairy godmother -- I even had it as the logo for the dolls I made! So for someone to say what I do is "like a fairy godmother"... well it's one of the nicest things anyone could ever say.

I hope all of you have your dreams come true... with or without fairy godmothers.

#doll repair #doll hospital #cloth doll #cloth doll repair #romper room doll #cloth doll hospital #doll clothes

[smoooothoperator]

untouchable

21: Dear Reader

Lando Norris x OC (Violet Sinclair)

same group friend, unrequited love, acquittances to lovers, ski trip, love triangle, life as lovers

Words: 2.7k

a/n: so this is the end! There will be an epilogue and if course extra chapters, you can ask whatever you want to know about Violet and Lando. I'm so so so happy I came with the idea of this story and I feel proud of how it went, of the welcome of you guys, and as well as how the little idea of a ski trip turned into this! Thank you so so much to everyone that supported, I owe you the world❤️

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If you ask someone how it feels being unconscious, they will probably answer you that it feels like a nightmare, a deep dream that no matter how hard you try you won't wake up. You can hear everyone's voices like an echo in your mind, mixed with the beeping of the monitors

My mind repeated all the time the last thing I saw before passing out, a bright pair of white lights coming closer to me. I was in an eternal nightmare, hearing his voice begging me to open my eyes. But I couldn't do it.

But I always felt his hand on mine, his lips on my knuckles, how he brushed my hair with his fingers. That was the only thing that kept me at ease, that made me feel I wasn't alone.

But the day when I woke up, when I could finally do what he asked, moving my finger, he wasn't there. 

When I opened my eyes, I didn't find his blue ones. I found a curly hair next to me, but it wasn't his.

“Lando” I mumbled as well as I could, feeling how sore and dry my throat was. 

“Oh, God” 

Pietra and Max got up looking at me, watching how I looked around confused. 

“Lando? Where…”

He left? He really left me? 

“He had to leave” Max said, grabbing a bottle of water and putting a straw on it, helping me drink it. “He will come soon, okay? Don't worry”

I sipped the water, thirstier than I thought I was. But still, there were so many questions around my mind right now.

“Where am I?” I whisper. “I… What happened?”

Pietra and Max took a deep breath looking at each other. They told me everything, from the moment I got out of my apartment to go pick up the moment Lando received the call while he was streaming, they told me about them going to the hospital and Lando nearly screaming at the receptionist and how relieved they were when the doctor told them about the surgery.

“He never left” Pietra smiled weakly. “We had to force him to eat something, sending him reminders about his lunch and dinner”

“But… What about his training?” I mumbled confused.

“He will ask for a pair of weeks more” Max sighed. “Pato will drive for him in the first race after the break, just to make sure that you recover”

“But…”

“He won't leave you alone, Violet”

I took a deep breath and smiled weakly, closing my eyes for some seconds until the door opened.

When he walked in I barely recognized him. His curls were barely done, messy and falling on his eyes. He let his facial hair grow a little. His eyes weren't shining as always, and the bags under his eyes were there too.

When I said his name I could see the shock in his eyes, as well as fear and regret.

“You are awake” he mumbled, walking towards my bed, swallowing thickly. 

“Mhm” I nodded, looking at him, reaching for his hand.

“And I wasn't here”

I took a deep breath and looked into his eyes. Something in them is not there anymore, I can see a shadow that is making his smile not reach to his blue eyes.

“But you are here now” I whisper, holding his hand with my hands. “That's everything that matters”

I saw Pietra and Max getting up, walking out of the room and leaving us alone. 

I saw Lando's bottom lip trembling, making him trap it between his teeth. His eyes were getting wetter while he pressed his forehead against mine. 

“He did it, Vi… Harry did this” he whispered.

Something inside of me knew it. Something really deep inside of me knew that he was the reason for the crash.  

Lando sat on the bed next to me, grabbing his phone and showing me the recording, holding my hand while we listened to it.

“I don't want to see him ever again” I whispered, feeling a knot in my throat when I heard the moment he jumped from the chairs ready to attack Lando. 

“He will go to jail” Lando sighed.

“Good” I nodded. “He deserves to rot in there”

I recovered slower than I would like to admit. Getting up from bed was a torture, sitting on the couch was a relief that only lasted a few seconds before realizing I had to get up from it later. The walls and the ceiling of the bedroom started to get boring.

Silence fell between us, with his hands holding mine as we took deep breaths, trying to assimilate everything.

“I really need to go out…” I groaned.

Lando stayed with me all the time. Even if he still had a week more of his summer break, he decided to ask for two more weeks to take care of me. 

“You know you can't… Remember what the doctor said” he sighed, bringing the food to the table of the living room. 

“I know, but I'm just getting tired of these walls” I sighed. 

He smiled, standing behind my chair and wrapping his arms around my shoulders, reading what I was doing on my laptop.

“Just wait a few days, okay?” he whispered, pressing a kiss on the top of my head. “And while you recover, we can look for houses, hm? I chose some that maybe you'll like”

The torturous and slow way I recovered was agonizing. The visits to the doctor were too many to count them with my hands: exams of my head, exams of my broken bones, talks with the psychiatrist. 

“Can we visit them once I have the cast out of my leg?” I asked him, taking a deep breath after watching the pictures of the houses he found.

“Of course” he nodded. 

I took a deep breath and looked around. Lando told me that while I was unconscious his parents came to stay here, to keep the apartment clean and to be closer to the hospital.

“What will happen with Harry?” I dared to ask, leaning on his chest. “Like… He's obviously a psychopath, or something in that style. Will he go to jail? Or somewhere where they control people like that?”

I felt Lando sigh and rest his chin on top of my head. I could hear his mind working, trying to find the right words of what he wanted to say.

“I just… I hope he gets the punishment he deserves to have” he said, and I could find a little bit of disappointment in his voice. “He hurt you, and I won't forgive him for doing that. Years ago I accepted that the friendship I had with him was gone, that he only wanted to be around for my money and fame. But now… What he did is unforgivable, Violet”

“I know” I whisper, swallowing the lump of my throat. “I know… I think I'll never forgive him either…”

He held me tight, like he was scared of letting me go. The last few days were hard, he always wanted to be around me, and I could feel how he woke up in the middle of the night to hold me tighter. And something inside of me broke knowing why he did that. While I was unconscious I could hear him cry. He did that when he was alone, when none of his family or friends were around. I could feel him holding my hand tight, pressing it against his lips while he let go the tears, when he talked about his fear of losing me. 

How could I be so stupid? I made him promise me that he will always come back after a race, that he won't have a crash. And he made that promise, he came back after every race. And it was me who never came back, who got into a crash.

“I'm just glad that he's not around ever again” I sighed. “That we can love our lives without worrying what would be his next move”

He nodded in silence, sitting on the chair next to mine and eating the food on his plate without saying a word about it. I sighed, reaching for his hand and squeezing it softly, smiling weakly.

“We are free, Lando” I smiled weakly. “No more fear, no more looking out the window in case we are stalked…”

“You knew?” he frowned. He kept that in secret, hiding the pictures Harry sent on his backpack.

“I found the pictures some day when I was getting your backpack ready…” I sighed. “I guess you hid them to not scare me, so I just didn't say anything…”

“He is so sick, Violet” he sighed, clenching his jaw. “He knew exactly where the window of your room was. He took pictures of us in bed! Of you naked! Of us having sex. And he threatened me to sell them”

“But he didn't” I said. “Those were only threats…”

I took a deep breath and looked at him, watching how he was taking deep breaths while he closed his eyes.

“That's why you always look out the window before going to bed?” I sighed. 

“Yeah” he sighed. “I mean, at first I only thought it was a sick stalker. But then I started to think and then things made sense… I guess I always knew Harry was the one behind those threats…”

“He did everything to scare you and pull you away from me” I sighed.

“You heard his confession…” he said. “He did the same with your exes”

The fact that he was there when I was nearly abused. That he watched from afar how I was touched without permission and he only stared to find a moment to be the hero.

Boxes were the only thing I could see.

“He's sick” I said, pushing the plate away, not wanting to eat anymore, feeling nauseous.

“Where should we put the plants? I don't want to kill them” 

Boxes, bags and suitcases.

Boxes everywhere.

Lando came into the office with an empty box, leaving it on the floor. He placed his hands on his hips, looking at me with a frown, then at the plants.

“Internet says that you can put them on a box and make holes on it so they can have air” Lando frowned. “I mean… What we can do is take them first to the house? Put them in the back of the car and then leave there while we come back for the rest of things”

I look at him and then at the plants. There are four plants in my office, six in the bedroom, three in the bathroom and eight in the living room.

“Will they fit?” I asked. “In my car?”

“Yeah” he nodded, biting the nail of his thumb.

“In an Audi A1?” I laughed. 

He looked at me and took a deep breath before walking out of the office, coming back after a few seconds with a smile.

“I'll owe Max money…” he sighed.

“It's not my problem you two made a bet about us not needing help” I said, raising up my arms.

Moving out was finally happening.

I recovered right in time for the second race of the second half of the season. Time passed really fast and in between his races we started looking for houses, making time pass even faster. 

Packing all the things in my apartment was another story. Taking all my things and putting them in boxes, bags and suitcases was funny, but I hated the fact that Lando made a bet with Max.

“He will be a pain in the ass” he sighed, walking slower towards me and wrapping his arms around my waist, resting his head on my shoulder.

“Not my problem” I laughed softly. “Come on, we need a bigger car and he has one”

“We can always rent a car…”

“Lando”

“Okay, okay” he sighed, grabbing his phone and calling his friend.

The new house was completely empty when we bought it and it was exciting for us because we could decorate it how we wanted. 

“Are we sleeping there tonight?” I smiled excitedly, biting my lip. “The mattress arrives this afternoon”

“Sure, why not?” he smiled.

When Max came, he was already smirking once he crossed the front door. I watched them, how Lando rolled his eyes and Max extended his hand with the keys of his car in exchange of a bill.

“I didn't want to say it, but…” Max smirked, looking at me and then at Lando. “Told ya”

“Whatever!” Lando exclaimed, making us laugh. “But thank you”

“You can use my car, okay?” I said, getting up and grabbing the keys of my car. “Maybe we will use it for the weekend, to take the suitcases and boxes”

“Okay” he smiled, and looked at us. “I'm so proud of you two, really”

“Stop it, you are going to make me cry” Lando laughed.

Max chuckled and hugged us before grabbing the keys of my car. He stayed here to help us put the plants in his car, just to be faster.

“We'll call you once the house is finally done” I said smiling. “So we can make a welcome home dinner”

“I like how it sounds” he nodded. “When is the furniture coming?”

“Tomorrow” Lando said, standing next to me after closing the door of the backseats once he put the last plant inside of the car. “Tomorrow is the living room and couch. This afternoon the mattress is coming”

“Let me guess, you will stay there tonight?” Max laughed.

“Oh yeah” he smirked looking at me, making me blush and look away.

“Forget it, I don't want to know what you two do there” Max exclaimed, making us laugh. “If you need help, Pietra and I can come tomorrow to help you build the furniture”

“Oh sure” I smiled. “No bets this time, please”

“Yes, ma’am” both of them sighed.

I smile and hug Max before getting in the car, biting my lip. The keys of the new house were in my bag, and I couldn't help but feel excited as we were getting closer.

“Are you excited?” he asked me, placing his hand on my thigh and squeezing it softly. 

“You have no idea” I smiled. 

It was only a turn more to the left and we're just in front of our house. Our house, our place. Home.

He parked the car in front of the gate and I grabbed the keys, pressing the control remote key and filing when the gate opened in front of us. He drove inside and stopped the car in front of the main door.

“I can't believe we're finally doing it” I said, getting out of the car and looking at the house.

I turned around and looked at him, walking towards me. He wrapped his arm around my shoulders and I did the same, wrapping it around his waist and leaning on him.

“Do you want to get it?” he smiled, pressing a kiss on my temple.

I smiled and nodded, grabbing the keys and walking towards the door, unlocking it and opening it. But then I felt his arms around my back and behind my knees, picking me up and making me giggle.

“Lando!” I gasped, wrapping my arm around his shoulders.

“It's our first time walking in, we have to do it this way” he smirked, walking inside of the house.

He placed me back on the floor and I smiled looking around. The empty hall welcomed us, but it was perfect. This place is perfect.

“Well?” he smiled, wrapping his arms around my waist and resting his head on my shoulder.

“It's perfect” I smiled. “I can't wait to have the mattress”

“Oh, I don't think that can stop us! There is a kitchen aisle, a bathroom… plenty of places to have sex” he smirked.

“Yeah? I want to see the kitchen, just to make a better look at it, what do you think?” I smirk, walking away from him and looking over my shoulder, smiling when I saw him walk towards me while he unbuttoned his jeans and took off his hoodie.

This place is home. He is my home. And I can't wait to build a future with him, to see kids running around the living room, to hear our laughs. 

This is finally our time to be happy.

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[dee-the-red-witch]

Okay, I need to be serious and put this somewhere for one because I need to let people know wtf is going on in full because it affects a lot of shit, because I need to talk about it, and because I need to figure out what I'm going to do.

The relationship with S, my now separated, still cohabitating and coparenting with former partner has been getting worse and worse. She has barely worked since January has made minimal efforts at best in helping with childcare, has borrowed over seven grand in total from myself and other sources that I know of to lose all of it in an online honeypot scheme, has as yet barely done anything to try and recover those funds and because of all of this, left me in the situation of having to drain everything from my transition gfm just to cover april's rent and some of the bills, and then left me still having to fundraise just this week to cover stuff.

On top of this she's still being inadvertently (I'm assuming) transmisogynistic on a regular basis. And refuses to learn or do any better, unless, you know, I'm actively calling her out in the middle of it, and even then it's a whole other fight, that often turns into other abuses lkke her threatening to just immediately abandon me with the kids.

I don't feel remotely safe here, i am in constant stress, I can't focus well enough to work even when I'm not being constantly interrupted for things, and financially there is no way I can keep doing all this. I'm also physically exhausted from all this plus the workout regime I'm having to pull to get down to surgery weight (though with my recovery fund getting constantly emptied, part of me is in Does It Even Matter mode, while the rest realizes that somehow a gym full of cishet people in lynnwood is somehow SAFER than here.)

I don't know what to do. I don't really have options, and i need out. Affording here on my own would be equally impossible, so forcing S out isn't really a great option. I'd need around 6k a month to cover EVERYTHING fully doing it as a business, and there just isn't enough coming in. I need help and I need options.

And I'm aware that yeah, just. A bigass rant with context missing in parts and no real call for action or anything. Mostly I want folks including customers to know what's going on. Please don't cancel existing orders, I'm still working to try and fill them. Please don't send me resource links for shelters and such. I'm not running yet. Ideally, I need an out, and a place on my own free and clear, but I don't know how to get there from here yet. And I'll update later eith specific asks for help if and when I figure out what those are. I just need folks to udnerstand that things are kinda sucking for me right now and it's going to be rather hard for a while.