#kate middleton bbl

[youwouldntdownloadapizza]

The Pleasures of The Unknown | Kate Middleton x The Unknown (Glasgow Wonka Experience 2024)

masterlist | ao3 | follow @youwouldntdownloadapizza and turn on notifications for updates

When Kate Middleton mistakenly ends up at a magical chocolate factory in Glasgow, she finds herself drawn to a mysterious cloaked figure with a penchant for dark chocolate.

pairing: Kate Middleton x The Unknown (Glasgow Wonka 2024)

rating: 18+, minors DNI

word count: 1.2k

tags: crack, crack treated seriously, crack fic, smut, mild smut, finger sucking, chocolate, sex and chocolate, light BDSM, choking, thigh riding, rpf, bald harry styles, balddry, infidelity, glasgow, willy wonka experience - freeform, glasgow willy wonka - freeform, Balmoral, british royal family, unhinged innuendo

chapter warnings: smut, infidelity

Kate Middleton stared at her bangs in the Buckingham Palace bathroom mirror.

"I can't go out like this," she complained to William. "The Sun will rip me a new one!"

"Kate, my dear," he kissed her on the cheek, turning to lean against the counter. She continued tugging at her botched fringe until he took her hand. "It's just hair. It'll grow back."

"That's rich, coming from you."

William looked down at his royal bunny slippers with a frown. Even they had more hair than he did. Perhaps he should have them fashioned into a wig. He'd have to ask his frenemy, Harry Styles, for wigmaker recommendations.

"I don't know what to do." Kate looked up at her husband with tears in her eyes. He wiped them away with his royal hanky.

"I do," he smiled. Sliding his hand into his back pocket, he produced the royal AmEx.

"Take a holiday, Kate. Go to Balmoral or Hollyrood for a few weeks. Grow them out. Maybe even get that BBL you've been talking about getting. Scotland is a great place to recover from surgery. What with all the free healthcare and all, innit?" he said Britishly.

"You're so right, William. I'll leave first thing tomorrow."

---

Kate double-checked the address her husband had given her as she stepped out of her royal Uber Black.

"This can't be the right place. Balmoral was never this colorful!"

The cabbie rolled down his window. "Don't worry, ma'am, this is Willy's place! Be quick and get inside, it's looking like rain."

With a soft 'innit', the driver pulled away, and Kate was left on Willy's doorstep.

She assumed 'Willy' was short for her husband 'William', but as she entered the foyer, she began to have her doubts. The place appeared to be some sort of magical chocolate factory.

Although sparsely decorated, the place maintained some air of whimsy. Well, less of an air, more of a spritz, but clamato, clamato.

"Soo la voo," Kate shrugged, walking beneath the sparkly, styrofoam rainbow and towards whatever fate awaited her here.

"Ahh, more guests! Welcome!" A depressed-looking woman in a green wig approached her.

"Here, compliments of Willy," she said, sliding a plastic cup containing a splash of what appeared to be sparkling lemonade into Kate's left hand. Into her right went a single jelly bean.

"What is this?" Kate asked.

"Our welcome gift to you! And only $40, such a deal."

Kate supposed $40 was a fair price for such splendor. After all, if bananas were $10, this was surely worth four times that. She popped the jelly bean and washed it down with the lemonade.

"Carry on down the hallway. Your future awaits."

Kate left her luggage and her empty cup with the so-called Oompa Loompa and proceeded down the bare linoleum hallway. That uncanny-valley candy landscape tapestry really ties the place together, she mused.

A voice greeted her at the end of the hall.

"What. Is. That?" A blonde man in a red top hat and coattails pointed towards an unassuming mirror.

Why, that's me! Kate Middleton! Kate Middleton thought to herself.

Kate nearly leaped out of her skin when the creature emerged from behind the looking glass.

"It's...THE UNKNOWN!!"

That's when Kate fainted.

When she awoke, her head was spinning. "Where am I?" She asked to the blackness that surrounded her.

A deep voice answered her. "You're in the walls. This is my home. My own dark chocolate factory."

"Your what?" Kate asked.

As her eyes adjusted, she realized she was in a small bedroom combined with a confectionary workspace, almost a studio apartment of sorts.

"My dark chocolate factory. You see, Willy Wonka seeks only to pump this world full of river-churned, high-fructose, milky delicious bullshit. What I aim to create is something far more sophisticated. Far more complex. And far, far darker."

"Oh? Might I try some?"

"Why of course," the silver-masked, black-hooded creature pulled back its sleeve to reveal long, nimble fingers.

He crossed to his chocolate worktable and dipped his index and middle fingers into a whirring chocolate fountain. The creature stalked towards her, extending the sample.

Kate leaned towards him, but froze. "Before I suck on your fingers, I should probably know your name."

The creature angled his head, as if considering her. "I have no name. I am only...The Unknown."

Kate's heart raced in her chest. That chocolate, those fingers, it all looked simply divine. And if William could be unfaithful, why couldn't she do the same? She deserved it, just this once. As a treat.

She opened her mouth, and The Unknown slid his fingers past her lips. She sucked deeply, the flavor sliding across her tongue and down her throat, the complex flavor and intensity of the delivery method sending shivers down her spine.

"Are you cold?" He asked.

"A bit," Kate admitted.

"Well then," she could hear the smirk in his voice even if she couldn't see it on his face. "Perhaps I'll have to warm you up myself."

Kate bit her lip. "Would you...put your willy? In my chocolate factory?"

His fingers closed around her throat. She drew a sharp breath.

She could feel his breath as he whispered in her ear, "Forget willies. Forget chocolate factories. Allow yourself to submit, to embrace the pleasures of The Unknown."

Kate let out a shuddering breath as she gazed up at that shiny mask. She didn't know what lurked behind it. She didn't care.

She kissed him then, the plastic of his mask hard against her soft lips. And then she was sprawled on the bed, his knee between her legs, and she was grinding against him.

"Oh, The Unknown!" She moaned.

"Please, there's no need for formality. Call me The."

So Kate did. She sounded like the gilded first word of a sponge's term paper as she wailed his name over and over again, into the dark stillness of this secret room behind the walls.

"I'm close," Kate moaned.

"Good girl."

He leaned down to kiss at her neck. The rough edges of the cheap mask scratched at her sensitive skin, but she didn't care. She was lost in the pleasures of The Unknown.

It was the hair that brought her to the edge, something her husband could never give her. The chemical scent of his cheap, black wig filled her nostrils as she rode his thigh, dangling there on the precipice.

"Ohh!" Kate screamed as she came, her thighs shaking with pleasure as she clenched around nothing.

A low, satisfied chuckle rumbled at her throat, and she swooned. After all these years of marriage, William had never rocked her world like this masked stranger just had. As they lay there together, she slipped into the chocolatey darkness of slumber, utterly content.

---

When Kate returned home, butt bigger and bangs longer, William had wanted to hear about her experience in Scotland.

"What was your favorite part?" He asked.

"I learned a lot about myself on this trip," she told him. "But the most valuable lesson was in learning to embrace the pleasures of the unknown."

"See, a little uncertainty is good sometimes!" He teased, tugging on her much-improved bangs before giving her a soft kiss.

"Mm," he smacked his lips. "Tastes like chocolate."

#ao3 #fanfic #fanfiction #crack fic #glasgow #glasgow willy wonka experience #willy wonka #the unknown #glasgow willy wonka #ai wonka #balddry #kate middleton #kate middleton conspiracy #kate middleton missing #kate middleton bangs #kate middleton bbl #kate middleton x the unknown

[sbrown82]

WTF is happening here? 🥴🤣

#kate middleton #british royal family #she got a BBL and don't want nobody to know? #missing white woman #lmaooo

[pinktinselmonstrosity]

i don't give a shit about the royal family but this situation of one of them disappearing from the public eye and then the picture released over two months later to quash rumours about their disappearance being pulled from global news sources because of manipulation has unfortunately got me very invested

#what's all this then #i read this one article that was literally like ''of course kate middleton is a person and deserves privacy like everyone else... #...but also she's famous and she probably won't see anyway so keep making memes about her getting a bbl'' #it was literally in vogue or tatler or something 😭 #but that was before this stuff with the picture?!? i'm invested #consider my interest Piqued #🧃

[chickenfarmersan]

#kate middleton #bbl #missing #chickenfarmersan #chicknfarmersan #0 #Queen Knighting Man - #accolade #Edmund Blair Leighton

[thepinktorturedpoetsdepartment]

who in the castle doesn’t have cancer raise your hand

#does this mean no bbl easter reveal #at least we know there was something actually going on ??? #what a few weeks it has been #kate middleton #mckennacore

[exdivine]

gyns where is the princess of wales

#growing out her terf bangs #bbl in mexico #Curse Of The Jewel #william is exactly like his father? #kate is the masked singer #kate was at the glasgow wonka experience #brainrot #what if kate middleton reappears and she has bangs and her body is tea

[jack-ackles]

#enough time has passed #kate middleton #royal family #happy she is getting a bbl 🥺 #hope she got a big one 🫰 #trending

[radioconstructed]

⌖ Next time I'm out of the public eye for an extended period of time, I KNOW you parasocialites will hop on the "Al Radiodemon got a BBL" rumor train, SO, I'M GOING TO GET A BBL WHILE I'M AT IT 🤫

#⌖ online #// yknow like the 'kate middleton disappeared bc she got a bbl' rumors #allie is JOKING omg she's not gonna get surgery to have a phat ass.

[bix46]

Kate Middleton walking into Buckingham Palace with her new BBL

#kate middleton #bbl #Spotify

[mortalityplays]

anyone who has followed me for more than five minutes knows I have no time or sympathy for the royal family, but I do think it lays bare the vicious misogyny fundamental to the British press and public when Kate Middleton is subjected to uncompromising social scrutiny over a photograph taken just two months after she underwent major surgery, while NOBODY questioned her husband this way after he got a bob with the bang, a bbl and a fox eye lift from the scalp.

[mysteriouslytransparentwitch]

Kate Middleton is at the top of Twitter because some young people are convinced that she is absent because of a cosmetic operation a BBL (to enlarge the buttocks)

why this generation is obsessed with cosmetic surgery

[ardri-na-bpiteog]

I think it would be funny if Kate Middleton reappears and she's had major work. Like everything done. Lip filler, BBL, boob job, the works. like she comes out looking like one of the cock destroyers (RIP Sophie)

[alexi-01]

kate middleton has CANCER and we were all saying she got a BBL 😭

#tw cancer

[royal-confessions]

“PoW’s prolonged absence indicates something is serious. The longer Buckingham Palace, their office is silent, the more people will think she’s in deep trouble. Release a photo, video, anything clarifying she is fine! Even better if Kate does it herself.” - Submitted by Anonymous

“With all the conspiracy theories surrounding Kate Middletons health and not being seen in months you would think the Palace would share something about it. For example a video or message thanking everyone for their support during this time. People are genuinely concerned for her. I've heard everything from her getting a facelift to her getting a BBL which all seem extremely unlikely, Kensington Palace should clear this up asap with a message (at the very this) from Kate or both William and Kate to put the rumours to rest, I know she deserves privacy at this time and we don't need to know every aspect of their lives.” - Submitted by rosie-posies-blog

#kate middleton #catherine princess of wales

[bidamonalbarn]

the tamest kate middleton theory is by far my favourite. "she's getting a divorce!" "she got a bbl!" "william killed her!" actually 🤓☝️ she's on the masked singer

#cmon itd be SO FUNNY #archer shoots the shit #kate middleton

[exdivine]

me schizoposting on instagram: kate middleton hasn't been seen since december 2023 because she's getting a bbl

me schizoposting on tumblr: Help I'm Under Surveillance