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#tw mentions of self-harm
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have something to say
rain/me: apparently my mental health is starting to spiral out of control and it's getting worser every time. it's getting into a point where i can't even leave my own room to go to work. i was getting paranoid in my sleep and some nights, i get restless i couldn't even fall asleep.. and intrusive thoughts we're getting worse.. i hate having that pain every time i have that pain i just wanna stab myself so many times on my chest so i wouldn't feel that pain anymore.. i'm sick and tired of these mental breakdowns.. sick and tired of everything.. i just wanna give up i don't want to feel any suffering.. i'm tired of living.. i'm tired of suffering... *sniff* i'm sorry everyone i try to be strong.. i try to be strong for my family i try to be strong for my friends but i can't.. no matter what i do.. i'm never enough. *sighs* but hey at least i'm getting medication for my anxiety and for my sleep. my mom is looking for a counselor so that's good right? *sniff* i'm sorry about everything everyone.
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i am very worried that history is about to repeat itself.
so if you’ve ever been in the Undertale fandom, you know that most people saw Underswap!Sans as a “Small uwu bean” and completely destroyed him as a character- he was aggressively infantilized and everyone ignored that his original source personality was essentially just a more upbeat Sans. I’m worried that it’s happening with Lunar- a disturbing amount of comments on today’s video were undermining that Lunar was clearly struggling, saying things like this:
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And someone (who i’m Not censoring) even said this:
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It’s getting to the point where I’m afraid that the fandom will “Blueberryify” Lunar, like they did with Swap!Sans.
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starlightseraph · 4 months
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house md will always be remebered as the most insane thing ever broadcast because of how unabashedly feral everyone involved was.
a short collection of things that happen on the show, just off the top of my head, not even scratching the surface:
- house shoots a random dead body in the morgue and then sticks him in an mri machine, which pulls the bullet out of the dead guy’s head and destroys the machine, costing the hospital millions
- foreman gets bitten by a person with rabies
- chase kills an african dictator
- cameron steals drugs from a patient after possibly getting hiv from said patient
- house induces a migraine and then takes a drug made by his arch nemesis (who he’s been stalking for 25 years) to get the drug taken off the market. he then takes lsd (in the hospital, in the middle of a case) to cure the migraine.
- chase goes into anaphylaxis after doing body shots
- house stops an elevator so he can perform a cavity (vaginal) search on a teenage heart transplant patient who’s in cardiorespiratory arrest
- they give a neurosurgeon mushrooms to cure his food poisoning, then they stick him in an operating room. the neurosurgeon strips in front of a health board assessor.
- kutner dies for gay marriage
- house sets an autopsy room on fire while trying to juggle flaming bottles
- house gets recruited by the cia
- taub gets held at gun point after diagnosing a stripper with skin cancer
- in almost every single episode, the team breaks into multiple houses
- house fakes terminal brain cancer so he can get drugs implanted directly into the pleasure centre of his brain
- house cons us immigration to get his fake wife a green card. he also uses his fake wife’s ukrainian food truck to spy on people
- house tries to get wilson, his closet case boybestfriend, into bed every few episodes. every other sentence out of house’s mouth is about wanting to rail wilson.
- taub has a kid with his ex-wife, after they divorce, at the same time he has a kid with his 25 yo side piece. the kids’ names are sophie and sophia.
- house and wilson have a bet on who can hide a chicken in the hospital the longest without anyone finding out
- house tries to kill himself like 6 times and always fails (insulin shock, overdoses, electrocution, jumping off a building, cutting, etc)
- house fakes his death to get out of a prison sentence after violating his parole so he can live out his bi love story with his gay best friend who has 5 months to live
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hello loves <3
first off, just, a trigger warning, mentions of self-harm, mentions of depression/mental illness/mental state deterioration, yknow
i would love to say that the reason i haven't posted anything is because i've been really productive, but...it most definitely isn't. since the last time i posted (ten days ago) i have done near nothing.
over the past ten days, apart from working on one of my wips a little, i haven't been able to bring myself to do anything because of my depression — which has only made me feel worse. i haven't been able to do anything properly, so i didn't really hold studying to be a priority.
i usually wake up at around five in the morning, then follow a schedule i made for the rest of the day — of course, sometimes i do take extra breaks if i need, but mostly i just stick to it. doing that, i usually am happy (or however close i can get to it) and i'm satisfied with, and sometimes even proud of, myself.
but recently, for around two weeks at least, i've been struggling to bring myself to do anything — i've had to spend ages convincing myself to get out of bed every morning, i've been eating at random times, i haven't been as productive as i usually would want to be, i'm not retaining information as well as normal, and i've barely kept in contact with the few people i am still friends with.
and over the past ten days, doing anything had become even more overwhelming, to the point where, even though my body would wake me up at four-thirty like normal, i wouldn't be able get out of bed until one in the afternoon, and even then i would struggle. i've been skipping meals and i've barely eaten over the past ten days, but i've still somehow managed to gain weight (which only made me feel worse given that i'm on recovery from an eating disorder). i haven't washed my hair in almost two weeks, and today i forced myself to shower for the first time in four days (which, it could be worse, but usually i shower twice every day, so). i ended up self-harming again after a few months of not doing that. i have vaguely kept in touch with people, and when i have it's been so as to make sure they don't worry about me — and even so, it's less than i usually would. i've spent every night crying for hours, and half the time i wasn't even entirely sure why — every tiny thing was just upsetting me so much more than i usually would. all in all, i've just been doing terribly. and everything just has made me feel worse — my room is a mess, which just makes me feel even more unsettled and my textbooks are still where i left them, open on the floor, though i never ended up doing anything with them. my laundry is in a mess and scattered all over my room, and my bags are still all packed from the trip i went on with my family.
i've known i've been getting worse, and doing nothing has just continued making me feel worse and worse even faster, and i've just kind of done nothing about it, just witnessing myself spiraling really badly — which, surprise, has only made me feel even worse about myself.
i've been thinking and, doing nothing is just making me feel worse — i don't think i should keep just waiting for it to get better, because it isn't. nothing is going to happen, nothing is going to change, if i just keep watching myself get worse and witnessing it without trying to do anything to make myself feel better.
so i have thought. and i have, unfortunately, come to the decision that i should probably do something about it. because, honestly, sometimes just doing nothing for a little while helps — but sometimes it doesn't. and this is definitely one of the times it won't — so far, all it's done has made me feel even worse than i did when i had started out.
school is starting in two days, on the 31st, and i really don't want to start the new term feeling terrible about myself and barely able to do anything. so over the next few days, i dont think i'm going to really be doing any studying — for one, it isn't effective at all, and two, it's only stressing me out. even though i have had a long break, i think i'm just going to take the next two days to get my life back into order and to relax.
i'm mostly telling you this because, in general, i feel like i usually appear to have my life in order pretty well, and i seem to be managing well and studying often and effectively, and i wanted to show that, even though people may be able to manage everything and work really well sometimes, they don't and can't always manage that well — and that it's okay for you not to if you ever feel that way.
sometimes you will struggle more, with or without having an explicit reason for it, and that's okay — the best thing to do in those situations is to just take a break, in my eyes. it doesn't make sense to me if one was to just force themselves to do everything they usually would. and relaxing/taking a break will appear differently for everyone — for some people it may be to watch their favorite tv show(s) or movies, or to read their favorite book, and for others it may be to take a walk in the fresh air, or spend some time outdoors somewhere. breaks look different for everyone, and the important thing is to just make sure your mind is relaxed and you aren't stressing yourself out. you don't have to conform to someone else's idea of relaxation to look after yourself.
anyways, mostly over the next couple of days, i'm just going to get the rest of my school supplies and pack and organize my bag, because i need to do that given how close it is. other than that, i'm just going to clean my room, unpack from the trip i went on and do the rest of my laundry, wash my hair and fix up my nails (which ive managed to break/chip all of, so they need like, a lot of attention), and probably just rewatch shadow and bone a reread six of crows.
anyways, tl;dr dont push yourself and stress yourself out too much, know your limits, and if you do ever randomly start spiralling just take a break and relax until you feel up to doing whatever you usually would. :]
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justflesh54 · 4 months
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its my body surely i have the right to harm it if i wish ???
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"Sometimes I cut myself to see how much it bleeds. Its like adrenaline, the pain is such a sudden rush for me"
Eminem really hit the nail on the head
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incognitopolls · 3 months
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We ask your questions so you don’t have to! Submit your questions to have them posted anonymously as polls.
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charlemagnethegreat · 7 months
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Why are sh cuts genuinely so pretty though??? LIKE ACTUALLY??? Am I insane? Are you? BUT LIKE THEY AREEEE???? HOW MENTALLY ILL ARE WE THAT THIS IS THE PRETTIEST SHIT I SEE?
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d3pr3ss3dtsvki · 3 months
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I need friends man, if you're okay with me messaging you to start a friendship, please reblog this post (':
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I’m going to do it. I’m gonna ask for help from my mom. I forced myself to. I att3pted again tonight and ofc it didn’t work cause I’m still here, but my arm is all cvt to hell (not beans, but mostly light/deep styros ALL over). And I freak out when I get too hot so I’m going to HAVE to have a talk with her soon so she doesn’t freak out when she sees my arm. So I’ve got a rough draft for a letter for her after she gets home from work. It covers everything I’ve been hiding or lying about. It covers my cvtting, my sv1c1d3 att3mpts, the fact that my bullying was also physical, the fact I got s3xually a$sault3d multiple times by multiple people, my trans-ness, my eating disorder, my depression, why I didn’t ask for or get help, the fact I’m not a Christian, everything. And it asks over and over again for help. I want help for it all. I want to get better. And I’m asking for help. I know I’ll probably be forced to stop cvtting and st@rv1ng, but I’m willing to trade that off for genuine help.
Update: I got send to a mental hospital
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punkstylerecovery · 10 months
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if my body keeps score, will she remember when i grab another blanket to keep her warm? will she remember when i use mobility aids to make things easier for her? will she remember when i put down the blade and take a shower instead? does she recall the days i rest, when i watch our favorite shows and settle in to treat her with all the kindness i'm trying to convince myself we deserve? does she remember the love? does she recall the kindness? does she remember when i run my hands across our wounds and apologize? does she keep score of our healing?
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justflesh54 · 4 months
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the ppl that get worried about my tiktok reposts would literally die if they saw my tumblr activity lol
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deadeyedfae · 3 months
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Here it is! Part 3 of Dead Eyed Ivy Second Puberty Edition 💜🏳️‍⚧️
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jeweledstone · 5 months
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VENT MEMES
VENT MEMES
VENT MEMES
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trans-axolotl · 3 months
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thinking a lot today about protest and resistance while in solitary confinement. or while incarcerated (and/or institutionalized) more broadly. reading a lot of writing from incarcerated writers and through the prison journalism project and rereading sick woman theory by Johanna Hedva and just thinking about the quote "Sick Woman Theory is an insistence that most modes of political protest are internalized, lived, embodied, suffering, and no doubt invisible" (Hedva, 5). and thinking about what it means to resist when all that is left to you is your body, a room, and time--how do you fight back? what options are left to you? what ways is your resistance legible, who is the audience to your resistance and does it still matter if no one ever sees? (yes, i think--i remember hours spent in restraint because i had hugged a friend and i keep thinking about the concept that protest is disruption, a refusal to allow business to keep happening as usual, and what that means about making cruelty visible by refusing to participate in that normalization. even as i was taken away, removed, made invisible--does that removal make my absence louder?)
thinking about the ways self destruction is used as protest when you have no other options--hunger strikes perhaps the most familiar iteration of this. what gets labeled as "symptom" and what is recognized as resistance varies by person by context by environment. thinking about how almost everyone i know who's been in solitary confinement started self harming eventually. what need does that meet? when all options for autonomy, privacy, and interaction is taken away, how do we meet those needs ourselves? i think a lot about survival, and remember YWEP's concept of self harm as resilience, and think a lot about what it means to keep yourself alive when all you have is your body and your mind and an empty room and time. what things become more important than physical pain? how might physical pain become important? how does our relationship between our body and harm change in that environment? how do you stay sane in solitary confinement, or maybe more importantly, how do you go insane in a way that hurts you less? what does sanity even mean when you have been placed in an unlivable environment? is resistance a basic need we need to meet when we are placed in such a hostile environment? how did i survive & how are my friends currently surviving & how many more people will i have to lose who were killed that way before this fucking ends?
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😘
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